#im not even kidding i think i only took three or four hours a break only because i was out

[lovelookspretty]

not so bad

college!rafe cameron x reader au

— in which rafe and y/n absolutely despise each other in public but crush in secret. rafe is failing his humanities class & is assigned y/n as his tutor . . . maybe all it took for this relationship to form was just a bit of forced proximity and some time.

warning(s): ward cameron, slightly sexual joke between y/n and rafe

authors note: sorry for the late update again !! was rearranging my entire room for hrs n then passed tf out ( literally moved my entire pc set up + my dresser + cleaned out a bunch of stuff to make room for my vanity that im ordering im so excited )

okay oops its been like 4 days since my last update but its okay !! this was basically a filler but y/n still got to meet with rafes family + spend time with him

one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine

you’re tracing the outline of your textbook as you’re replaying the memories in your head. the café, the walk, the bench, the kiss. you blush at the thought over and over again every time you bring yourself back to it.

he smelled so good; he always does. but he tastes even better. you can still remember how his hands explored your body during the kiss, gently and carefully groping you. and his lips felt so rough against yours, with the same amount of desire that you had when you brought him back in for more.

he’s all that’s been on your mind since it happened last night. it’s embarrassing really, you just feel like a little kid who’s just had their first kiss all over again. but it wasn’t your first—first in a while maybe. but this one was also different.

if you had to be honest, if you saw him again since everything, you would go for another one. anything to feel him on you again. it’s like he’s a drug that you’re addicted to. that you can’t escape. that you don’t want to escape.

the only thing you don’t realize in the frenzy of all your thoughts is . . .

“y/n,” your professor calls out to you, knocking you out of your train of thought. you sit up in your seat and lock eyes with the man who sends you a polite smile, before he’s going back to his lesson.

. . . the world keeps spinning.

just days later, you’re snacking on cereal as you watch some youtube video. you don’t know the channel but they’re just funny as fuck. you need something to entertain you with all the free time you have that day.

aria is reading and working out at the same time behind you. ideally that sounds great, but she’s working out in the way that has her constantly moving around and changing position, making it impossible to read at all.

you don’t know why she’s still doing this. you told her it was a bad idea an hour ago but she’s persistent.

“—two, three, four—” you hear her count behind you. taking a break to just witness all that is aria, you turn around in your chair to watch her.

her hair is frizzy, sweat coating her forehead and if you look closer, her everywhere too. she’s trying her best to hold a book in front of her face to read it, but it’s obvious that she’s struggling. she’s watching a video on the workout, working out, and reading.

“baby i think you need to just focus on one,” you say as you face forward in your chair, clicking out of the youtube video to find a new one.

aria doesn’t miss a beat. she’s still moving through her toe touches. “actually,” she huffs, “studies show that multitasking—like combining physical activity with cognitive tasks—can enhance neural plasticity. it’s all about training the brain to adapt and process more efficiently under stress.”

you turn back around to look at her, and you see that she finally stops to breathe for a second. “besides, if i can master this, just think about how productive i’ll be.”

“oh yeah, i feel your productivity all over me already,” you joke as you pretend to wipe your back and flick it off your hand, like you’re cleaning off all her ‘sweat’ that got on you.

aria smacks her tongue and rolls her eyes, continuing her workout as she flips through to the next page. you’re giggling as you face forward again, only to hear some screams down the hall.

your head snaps toward your door and you glance behind you to see if aria heard it too or if you’re actually just insane. she’s just as concerned as you are.

you get up from your chair and head straight for the door in a hurry. once opened, you peek your head out carefully before spotting a few people crowding a dorm just a few doors down.

rafe and lorenzo’s dorm.

you look closer, immediately recognizing the bunch as rafe’s dad and two sisters. huh. guess rose couldn’t make it.

rafe is just in the middle of a proper handshake and hug with his dad, a grin on his face as he laughs. you can see the backside of sarah who’s standing right next to them, waiting for her turn. wheezie is curious like usual.

she’s looking around the hall but she spots you within seconds. oh fuck.

wheezie hits sarah’s arm quietly to grab her older sister’s attention. you watch as sarah looks down at her before wheezie’s whispering something. she must be trying to not make a scene about seeing you.

sarah looks across the way and sees you, her jaw dropping. “are you kidding me?” she laughs, heading right for you and completely ditching her brother.

you glance back at aria awkwardly when sarah goes in for a hug that you can’t turn down. it’s brief, thankfully, but sarah still grabbed everyone’s attention when she saw you.

you peer over sarah’s shoulder and see ward and rafe staring directly at the two of you. there’s still a small smile on his lips as he makes eye contact, you return it politely.

“no one told me you go to school here,” sarah says, her hands on her hips as ward comes over.

“sarah honey, let’s leave y/n to her business, you don’t know if she’s busy,” he’s telling her with a light guide on her arm toward rafe’s dorm again. sarah lets out a quiet ‘oh’ as ward looks to you. “it’s really great to see you y/n.”

“it’s great to see you all too, but it’s okay, leave her,” you say about sarah, your choice of words causing sarah to smile as ward raises his hands in surrender. “i’m not busy at all, but it is really nice to see you guys.”

ward joins his son again before he’s stepping inside his room. wheezie, feeling more comfortable to hangout with her sister and you, silently decides to follow sarah.

sarah’s mouth is a little open as she’s taking the sight of you in. “it’s so crazy to see you here. i mean, what are the chances?” she says, and you know that she’s referring to the fact that both you and rafe were accepted in and committed to the same university. “and your rooms are so close . . . rafe isn’t giving you a hard time though, is he?”

oh right, they have absolutely no idea that you two don’t hate each other.

“not at all, here and there maybe, but me and rafe are actually friends now,” you tell her, and you’re not surprised when sarah is.

she takes a moment to process it. “that’s actually crazy,” she says. “given how everything was back in obx, everyone kind of assumed you guys went off to college still hating each other. what? you guys are friends now? that’s amazing!”

the two of you are laughing as she brings you in for another hug, like you’re a sister to her.

you rub her back. “it didn’t happen overnight, for sure,” you say with a chuckle, and she pulls away to let wheezie say hi to you. “but it’s actually really nice to not hate someone. hi wheezie.”

she side hugs you, and you get the immediate feeling that she’s a little uncomfortable with how much she doesn’t even really know you. you let go of her and let her stand next to sarah so she feels more comfortable again.

rafe peeks past the wall, his hand grabbing the doorframe by his chest. “sarah, wheez,” he calls out to his sisters. you can hear what sounds like ward and lorenzo talking inside, very loudly you may add. sounds like they’re getting along. “dad wants me to take you guys on a tour. come on.”

sarah looks back to you. “it was really nice seeing you y/n,” she says, then holds wheezie’s hand to walk back to rafe’s dorm.

they slip past rafe to reach their dad and meet lorenzo most likely. rafe takes a moment and leaves his dorm to head over to you.

“hey,” his voice is soft as he approaches you, and you lean against your doorframe. “you doing okay?”

you hum in response, and rafe gazes down at you with a small smile.

“we have the mall later today with enzo and lara but i have something planned for us this saturday. you think you could clear your schedule?” he asks.

you tilt your head. “i think i could make some room for you i guess.”

he grins at you before leaning down to press a kiss to your lips quickly. there’s an immediate vomit noise from behind you. both you and rafe turn back to find aria done with her workouts, and she’s closing her book and tossing it aside.

“sorry aria,” he says aloud. when you turn to face him again, rafe nods at you. “i’ll text you when.”

“okay,” you murmur, and you watch as he leaves to his room again. you swear you see wheezie’s head peeking out the first second he leaves you.

you close your door and head back to your desk.

“so what, are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend now?” aria asks. you look up at her and feel like laughing to ease any thoughts. you certainly aren’t boyfriend and girls—no labels as far as you know.

but dating?

“no,” you answer, shutting your laptop and placing it on another spot on your desk. “just some really cool . . . buddies. i don’t know. we’re not exclusive or anything. i think we wanna just take it slow.”

“you think? you guys didn’t have any talk with each other?” she asks. you silently shake your head at her. she raises her eyebrows and purses her lips. “you two would make a cute couple.”

her words give you relief that it doesn’t lead to anything bad. if anything you’re happy, but it’s not something you’ve thought about before.

you can’t hide your smile that aria teases you for, so you grab your pillow at throw it at her.

‘ come outside, waiting for you ’

you set down your phone after reading rafe’s text, and you check yourself in the mirror one more time before grabbing your purse.

you walk to the door, double checking you’re bringing the right belongings with you. “i’ll see you later,” you say as you unlock the door.

aria is grinning as she kicks her foot back and forth off the edge of her bed. “have fun,” she sings.

when you leave your dorm, rafe is slowly making his way over to yours. as soon as he heard your door open, his head snaps up and his gaze falls upon you. he sends a warm look your way.

“you ready?” he asks you.

“where’s your family?” you puzzle as you and him begin walking down the hallway.

he shrugs. “they knew i had plans today so they said they wanted to go around vista heights and explore. when we get back, they wanna meet up again for dinner though so i’m gonna be a bit busy tonight.”

you nod. “that’s cute; no problem at all.”

you get into rafe’s car with the others since lorenzo claims he’s too tired from lacrosse practice all morning. it’s fun to hangout with this specific group, you’re starting to feel like, because now that you’re in rafe’s car then you and rafe are the ones in the front with lorenzo and elara in the back.

once you’ve arrived to the mall, you join hands with elara who just seems excited to be shopping with her friends.

“where are you guys going?” you ask as elara begins tugging your sleeve so you can come with her to a chic boutique nearby.

lorenzo scratches the back of his neck and shrugs, “i don’t know but i don’t wanna go in there.”

elara groans, “who’s gonna help me and tell me what looks good on me or not?”

“y/n,” the two boys say at the same time.

elara glares before letting go of you so she can walk over to them. she grabs a handful of both of their shirts and turn around. “come on, let’s go!” she says cheerfully, and she drags the guys to follow you and elara to the the shop she’s had her eye on.

“that goes so well with your skin tone,” you say as you and elara stare at yourselves in the mirror with some new clothes on. elara is posing in her corset and skirt, then she takes a look at yours. “it feels a bit tight on me.”

“we can go for something a bit more air-y!” she tells you, and she holds a finger up to tell you to wait while she hurries to her dressing room. she disappears behind the door and grabs something off the hooks on the wall, then comes back out. “good thing that i grabbed just the thing for you when we were looking earlier.”

gee, elara comes prepared, but you aren’t surprised. she makes you take the pieces and she rushes you back into your dressing room, urging that you dress quickly so you can go to the next store.

you listen to her. after locking the door, you try on the outfit she picked out for you. it’s very . . . elara energy. it’s so cute.

“i like it, i think,” you tell her as you unlock the door and step outside. elara is beaming when she sees you. “definitely more comfortable. the material might be annoying though.”

“obviously,” elara says as she guided you to the mirror in the hallway. “beauty is . . . annoyance! but i like it! plus i think somebody likes it on you too.”

you know who she’s talking about. it’s the only obvious person.

when you look at elara, you can see that she’s looking somewhere in the mirror between you. you follow her gaze and stare into the mirror. rafe is sitting with lorenzo just feet away on a seat in the middle of the dressing room hall.

you lock eyes with the boy who’s been staring at you. lorenzo is talking his ear off—again—but it’s clear that rafe isn’t listening. his focus is on you.

“he’s been staring at you since we got out of the car, eyeing you like you’re sex itself,” elara whispers in your ear, an amused look on her face as she waltzes over to her dressing room.

when you look back at rafe, your eyes soften. a blush spreads across your cheeks as you look back at yourself.

“rafe?” you call, walking over to your dressing room. lorenzo stops talking as he and rafe listen to what you have to say. “you wanna come in and help me put on my next one?”

you’re joking, and he knows it too, but you spot the way rafe lights up yet becomes dumbfounded at the same time as he watches you disappear in the room, and you can’t help but giggle once you’re alone.

@svnsetcrve @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @lalalalala33 @darkcolorexpert @babyflockaaaa @lifeofleasaasa @ilyrafe @mkiverd @wxn-drlst @maybankslover @xxbirkindoll2 @wearemadeofstardust0 @thepopcultureaddict @mounthings @ijustwanttoreadlols @karmasloverrr @lilithblackkk @drewsdirtyslut @rafesno1bae @mfdoomdickrider @pillowprincess4him @lanascokedeal3r

[stuffyflowers]

Started playing PS Outertale a few hours ago and I have, thoughts.

For the most part, geno has been a chill time. There are some tweaks I really appreciate, like the grinding being so quick and skipping dialog by holding C. Asriel was a little jarring at first, really did not like the way he talked down to Papyrus (and that bit where he's pretending Sans is still there? eugh), but once we were past not-Snowdin I really started to appreciate him. His relationship with Frisk/Chara/The Player/Whatever is really intriguing, especially how Frisk or whoever genuinely seems to reciprocate his feelings. Love the Best Friends Setting The World On Fire vibe we got going on.

I did kind of feel like the game was just, really easy? I beat Undyne the Undying without dying, and that's without knowing what the new spear attacks did. But a lot of her normal attack were just like, easier versions of her original attacks? I did like the extra attacking mechanic and how it was still loosely DDR esc like green soul mode.

Beat Mettaton on my second try. Orange soul mode was neat. A little weird to get used to but it didn't offend. Defiantly a little harder that Undyne but not a huge step up.

Alphys... I REALLY do not like this fight. As of writing this I have not beaten it and I don't thing I will. There are a just, lot of little things that just drag the whole thing down for me. For one, Screen Shake. Lasers shake the screen, the expanding rings shake the screen, hell, even the damn MUSIC shakes the screen! I can't see where I am or what I'm supposed to be dodging! Second, the obnoxious spinning background. It's distracting and bugs the hell out of me. Third, the music. It's very meh imo, gets grating after a bit and just sounds like noise now. So far my biggest issue is that her attacks are 1000 years long. Each one feels like three for four attacks in one. Sometimes I'd get most of the way through an attack and just, get fatigued and take my hands off the keyboard cause I'm so overwhelmed.

I've never felt like this before. I don't usually mind a challenge, I actually like throwing myself at a problem until I break through. I loved beating UTY geno without using any equipment (Only Rubber Bullets, the Patch and the Toy Gun. Honestly if you're looking to play UTY geno again but harder I highly recommend), and that was a grind that took weeks. But this? I have absolutely no desire to return to this. I can't honestly say the fight is even good or bad cause I just can't get into it. This is the worst time I've ever had fighting an UT boss, and I don't think that was the intention.

I don't know where I was going with this. I just had a lot of thoughts and felt the need to share them.

Fun fact u can hold alt+press left twice to open the debug menu and get temmie armour infinite hp etc etc would highly recommend using whenever a fight annoys u lol im not grinding for this game. I agree w ur alphys boss complaint so much, I almost got my ass beat WHILE using th temmie armour, the patience soul mode is just not made for a boss fight of that scale I don’t think, especially not one where it piles on what feels like 20 attacks in one turn. It’s so sad bc I was genuinely pretty hyped to see final boss alphys, seeing herself as the one to blame for everyone’s deaths in this route coulda made up for the nothingburger she was given in pacifist but it was just. Eh.

Also asriel is just very funny to me. This au really only cares abt asriel and twinkly seems to exist just to fill floweys slot which is smth I don’t care for, but I at least appreciate they let him be an edgy little shit rather than playing into the idea that having a soul would magically fix flowey/twinkly and make him a normal kid again. I like that frisk is kind of just fucking around ig, it makes a funny contrast against asriel. I wish the route used the frisk/asriel/mk trio more also. Idontknow I still haven’t fully figured out how I feel about this route it’s so weird. I did enjoy it more on average than lv0 pacifist tho so that’s. Something?

[all-thestories-aretrue]

I am about 1 million years late to this but thank you for the tag @graphitekayla!!!

Rules: without naming them, post 10 gifs of your favorite shows, then tag 10 people. I'm definitely going to break this rule; you can't give me the opportunity to gush about my faves and not expect me to name them all!!

If anyone has followed me for any length of time none of this will be a shock lmao.

Shadowhunters, and more broadly speaking The Mortal Instruments. My first real fandom!!! I cannot overstate the impact the books and show had on my life. I wouldn't be who I am without it. I have an angelic rune tattoo. Magnus and Alec are some of the first queer characters I remember reading about. I remember where I was when they kissed for the first time in the show. You stupid nephilim lives rent free in my brain. This show (and the books) truly set up the trajectory my life is on now, and I will always always remember it fondly. Even with all the drama and discourse.

2. Critical Role, specifically C2. My first true obsession after the decade long Shadowhunters debacle. I stumbled into it to learn how to play D&D (which I now know is a controversy in and of itself lmao). But my friend @midnightellis wanted us to start a game, and I needed a way to learn that wasn't reading the books, so I started C2. It took 11 or 12 episodes, but then I fell in love. I spent the next almost year watching the entirety of C2 which culminated in visiting them to watch the finale together. I was extremely jetlagged. It was basically 8 amazing hours of nonstop crying. I have zero regrets. Except for the fact I still need to get the tattoo I had planned rip. One day!! I promise!!

3. Arcane!!!! A brief interlude between Shadowhunters and CR. There was about 4 months were I was OBSESSED and watched the entire show like 3 times back to back. I have many thoughts and feelings about Jayce. The show is also just so visually stunning. I cannot wait for S2 to drop in November!!!!!! I know nothing about League but I do really love this show.

4. House. Iconic. What else needs to be said? House is very much a comfort show for me; great to rewatch during the winter. I've watched the entire thing almost three times now, and even got my mom hooked lol. It was fun seeing all her reactions to everything before I moved.

5. If I had known what fandom was when this was airing, I truly would have been all over that shit. But I was 8 and didn't have access to the internet. Aang/Katara def my first otp lol. I did, however, ignore a friend that was over at my house to watch the finale, I believe. I definitely told them to go play so I could watch the show uninterrupted. Needless to say, they were not thrilled with that. I'm 90% sure it was the finale now, but I could be wrong about the episode. ATLA is also another comfort show that I could watch over and over again.

6. Shadow and Bone. I am still SICKENED this got canceled. Genya and David are the ultimate romance, and no one will convince me otherwise. I almost stopped reading when I found out his fate. I was devastated. Everyone in this show is also very pretty. I can't believe we won't get a s3.

I'm going to stop here because this is already long enough, and tbh I'm not sure I actually have four more shows. I can only be obsessed with one thing at a time, and the current obsession is Path of Night. And that does not seem to be waning any time soon.

Edit: Lost should 100% be on this list. I think I've watched it at least four times. My family and I watched it live as it was airing when I was a kid. And it still is one of my favorite shows. I know people got beef with the ending but I truly didn't mind it. Even if it's bad or whatever, I think Lost is still 100% worth watching. There are so many little hints and clues that I pick up something different every time, and each character death hits just as hard.

I'm going to tag: @gelatinouscute, @peppedstep, @midnightellis, @discordkittenterumi, @im-a-vampire-now, @zeena-athena , @syntia13treeman , @sapphicfugue , @dr-thumbs-brand-new-spot

If you want to do this :)

[existencebringsonlypain]

1-70 skip all needed if they make you uncomfy

*deep inhale*

LONG POST INCOMING!

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

yeah! they're lovely people

02: Who did you last say I love you" to?

probably my mom

03: Do you regret anything?

I regret many things. can I think of any right now? no

04: Are you insecure?

not really, generally

05: What is your relationship status?

single, but also a minor and aroace so it's not sad or anything

06: How do you want to die?

preferably suddenly without prior notice. that way I couldn't have regrets

07: What did you last eat?

a werthers caramel

08: Played any sports?

nope

09: Do you bite your nails?

not bite with my teeth, but I pick at them often

10: When was your last physical fight?

.....I cannot remember if I ever have fought anyone physically. don't think I have

11: Do you like someone?

I like a lot of people. romantically? no

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

yea. completely accidentally at first, but at one point i thought "ha, I've come this far, I'm just gonna hold out" and then I did

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

hate is a strong word. that said, I suppose I might hate jack, cody, juan, and phoenix from school

14: Do you miss someone?

uhhhhh not really

15: Have any pets?

four cats and two dogs. three out of four cats are rescues

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

throat hurts but overall feel the same as ever. which is to say, not much.

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

no. do people do that???

18: Are you scared of spiders?

not really, unless they're actively on me. theyre fuzzy and adorable

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

....no. I don't want to forget to do something and regret it for the rest of eternity

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

im aroace

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

take care of neighbors cat and otherwise sleep

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

no. might at some point tho, but adopted, and only if they're older. only one.

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

ears pierced, nothing else. only one

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

art, english, math

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

no. mostly because I've forgotten them. cue existential fear of forgetting childhood friends etc etc

26: What are you craving right now?

anything cold

27: Have you ever broken someone's heart?

not to my knowledge

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

never dated

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

nope

30: What's irritating you right now?

physical symptoms. am sick

31: Does somebody love you?

romantically? not to my knowledge. platonically? hopefully lol

32: What is your favourite color?

lavender. it took maybe four fifths of my life to figure that one out

33: Do you have trust issues?

if trusting too much counts, yeah

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

don't remember

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

probably random school people. I have issues with breaking down at school. usually can suppress it tho

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

no, don't think so. if you break my trust I won't give it back easily

37: ls it easier to forgive or forget?

forget. don't mind how it's pretty much never optional for me

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

nOPE

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

older than I am now

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

outside of my house? absolutely not

51: Favourite food?

actually do not know. crunchwraps from taco bell are very good. chow mein from panda express is VERY good. canned corned beef hash is great. that indian dish with the flatbread you dip in the spinach is v good.

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

nope lol. some shit just happens

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

uhhhhh don't remember. probably listened to a YouTube video

54: Is cheating ever okay?

look man i'm aroace and barely even understand what attraction is. i'm not the guy to ask about this

55: Are you mean?

not intentionally

56: How many people have you fist fought?

a whopping 0, here's hoping it stays that way

57: Do you believe in true love?

nah. it's all a spectrum. how long love lasts may be longer than your lifetime, but I don't think it's infinite. then again never been in love so

58: Favourite weather?

thunderstorm. the dark kind

59: Do you like the snow?

literally never seen it irl

60: Do you wanna get married?

nope. unless it's for tax benefits

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

no that is so gross imo. you are calling me an infant. but again aroace

62: What makes you happy?

no clue, it varies and isn't guaranteed

63: Would you change your name?

eh. maybe. it'd take some time to get used to, maybe wouldn't want to put in the effort

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

I'd kiss fluffy the cat as many times as it took for her to understand its an affection thing

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

panic

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

yea. Ben D. he's great

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

my brother probably

68: Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?

depends what you call deep. if this counts than whoever's reading this

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

isn't this a repeat? either way no, not exclusive to individual people anyway

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

prolly most of my friends and my parents

[hopelessromanticvirgo]

Ground Control To Us

Sobbe social media au 7.10

Chapter 7.9

18.10.2020

Robbe is late.

He is two minutes late and no matter how much that fact worries Sander, he doesn't want to make it like it's a big deal, even if it really is for him. He can definitely wait but the thought of him not showing up makes his head spin and he can't stand still. He keeps nervously shifting on his legs and looking around, wanting and waiting to catch a glimpse of Robbe's brown hair somewhere but he's not here.

Not only the weather is too hot to even breath in, the excitement and the nervousness is making him more sweaty, he keeps brushing his palms down on his jeans.

He's not proud but he changed into eight different outfits this morning, thinking nothing was good enough but when Senne got tired of saying "it looks fine. The other one looked fine too" all the time, he literally dragged and kicked him out of the apartment so he couldn't change his clothes anymore. He texted Robbe when he left the home and he wanted to text him again to let him know that he's already here but he didn't get a reply before and now he doesn't want to seem that desperate, even if he's the definition of desperation.

Sander can't think positive and is sure that Robbe changed his mind. He knew this would happen but he was hoping that one time in his life, everything would go as he planned then out but of course, the world had a very different intention.

It's been four minutes, he's definitely not coming now.

Sander doesn't want to fell that bad since he predicted it would happen but he can't help it. He feels all his hopes and dreams are crushing down and he can't do anything but to watch it unfold.

He feels extremely uncomfortable but he decide not to give up yet, so he stays, but doesn't knows for how long. 

But it doesn't really matter, since he will always stay, if there is a chance for him and Robbe to work, he's not walking away. 

Meanwhile, Sander doesn't know that Robbe has been there for more than an hour already. He couldn't stay at home, too nervous, couldn't stop pacing in his room. 

He has been staring at his watch, cursing how slow the time was going and also cursing it for going faster than he liked, he needed more time to get ready to see him, but he knew, all the time in this world, wouldn't be enough for him.

He still felt like this whole thing was a joke, somebody else pranking him, or even Sander, messing with him and using his vulnerability against him and no matter how much he didn't want to believe that, it was a possibility, he really didn't know this person as much as he thought he did. 

Maybe he was going to stood him up, watch him wait for Sander to show up for hours but a little part of him was still judging his way of thinking and wondering if Sander'd really come so he stayed. 

But all this thoughts and doubts were cleared when he saw him, walking towards the address he sent to Robbe. 

The brunet's mind shut down. It wasn't the first time he was seeing him in real life but now everything was too real. 

He came here for Robbe and that thought alone was so crazy, Robbe felt he was losing his mind. 

He was here and he was breathtaking. Robbe has no idea how he will be able to talk normally to him, without fainting or passing out. 

Robbe fortunately was sitting down closer to their destination but he was almost impossible to notice from the other side of the street since a building was keeping him from being seen. 

But he could see clearly, how Sander turned around and started look for him with his eyes, leaning against the wall with his phone in his hands. 

Robbe feels and hears his heart beating against his chest and that's the moment when he realizes that he can't do it, can't meet him.He already saw and made sure that all of this, everything they were doing, was real, now he didn't have to show up, did he?

He's sure, Sander would understand but sitting here, so close to him, watching like a stalker, seeing how worried he got and how he was looking at each person that passed by, Robbe felt extremely guilty. 

He was finally here and Robbe was doing everything to not see him personally. Wasn't this his dream? Wasn't this everything he always wanted? 

He knew he should have gotten up and walked up to him but he couldn't, so he stayed glued to that one place like a nail into a wall. 

And he waited. And watched.

The time passed, and Sander waited as well. 

But after almost 40 minutes, he gave up and looked around one more time, looking quite upset and disappointed and started walking away. 

Fire alarmed started going off in Robbe's head and before he even knew what he was doing, he was already running after him, forgetting about everything else. 

Maybe it was him, running for the chance the universe gave him and taking it. Or maybe it was him, running after Sander because he couldn't bear the thought that he made him upset and hurt him.

Maybe it was him, running because he was in love.

Whatever the reason was, it didn't matter. 

What did matter was that Robbe had some kind of power inside him and he used all of them to call out Sander's name when he was five or six feet away from him, which made the other boy stop and turn around slowly, as if he wasn't believing his ears.

And Robbe doesn't believe his ears as well.

"H-hi." He breathed out, standing so close to him now that he could see his face so clearly, see the right shade of his skin and the color of his eyes. He had to look up a little bit since he was taller than Robbe but he was here, right in front of him, looking beautiful than ever, looking more perfect than anything Robbe could imagine and he has never felt happier and more insecure than right at this moment.

"Hi." Sander answered back and Robbe felt naked under his gaze, the way he looked him up and down felt so personal and special. 

Robbe didn't know how he was still managing to stand and not collapse from his emotions. It must be the adrenaline rush.

"I'm sorry. I - " He couldn't just stay silent now, he had to say that he didn't think of leaving Sander and not showing up.

"It's alright. You don't have to explain. I thought you wouldn't come." God, his voice. Robbe got quite used to hearing his voice but hearing it now was doing things to him, making him feel weak in his legs.

"No. I was here but I couldn't find the courage to come up to you but then I saw you leaving and I couldn't let you just walk away now and I - " he stopped and finally looked up to his face. Sander was already looking at him, has never looked away from his eyes. 

"Fuck." Robbe whispered. He definitely didn't know what to say or think or do. He just turned into a stone, very emotional stone who couldn't figure out what to do to help himself relive some of the feelings he had.

"Can I hug you?" He let it slip from his mouth and watched how Sander's whole face lit up and decide that if this was the last thing he'd see, he'd gladly take the chance and never look back.

Sander took a step closer to him and put his arms around him so tightly and put him so close to his chest that Robbe could smell which type of shampoo he used and he started shaking. At first, he was numb, now somehow he forgot how to move his body muscles but then when he felt the boy put his head down on his shoulder, it just hit him, what was going on and where he was and he wrapped his arms around him quickly, his fingers clutching his shirt, trying to pull him closer and closer, breathing him in and out, afraid that he'd disappear any second now and Robbe would do anything than let him go out of his grasp.

He doesn't know how long they stayed like this but Robbe definitely wasn't complaining, he was ready to even die in this moment, when he finally got everything he ever wanted. 

He felt Sander pulling away but didn't let him, pulled him ever closer if that was even possible, which made the older boy giggle and after a while, Robbe felt his fingers slip in his hair and he closed his eyes. 

Is this what heaven felt like, since Robbe is sure, he has never felt anything like this before in his life. He felt his eyes getting wet even under his eyelids and tried to control his body and calm his self down as much as it was physically possible. 

When Robbe finally decided that they have been stuck in this position too long and no matter how much he didn't want to, he pulled away and looked at him and smiled, showing off his dimples and whispered "hi." 

Sander smiled too and shook his head a little bit, put his head down and said "hi" back after he looked up to him. 

Robbe couldn't calm down his heart beating for the rest of the day. 

29.10.2020

"They keep getting on my nerves but I've already decided. I'm continuing my art education and if they want my music career, they just have to deal with it. I'm an adult and I think I have a choice about what I want to do or not." 

They were sitting in a cafe. Cafe Sander chose and always goes to since it's more private place and not everybody can get in. They have already been here last time and now when the person at the front door told him that he already wrote Robbe's name down as another guest, aka, somebody who could just come in whenever he wanted, Robbe felt his blood got cold in his whole body in a very good way. He's getting used to it and Sander is pretty much, very helping since they have almost been seeing each other every other day, sometimes even for an hour and sometimes for the whole day. 

Sometimes Robbe would forget who he was talking to, it felt like a normal person and then it would hit him and he'd start getting nervous all over again. Sander noticed that a while ago and told him to loosen up, and Robbe is trying so hard to do so. 

"What about the albums and concerts?" The environment around them was so nice and calm, they were sitting by a small table near the window, they ordered coffee and brownies and Sander even remembered when Robbe said that he'd give up sweet coffee for him and even dared to tease him about it when the waiter came and Robbe blushed so hard that he's sure everyone there could see it, but in the end, he ordered his usual order, which made Sander smirk and Robbe changed the subject as fast as possible. 

He was listening so closely to everything he had to say, every story he told him and Sander was sharing so much with him, so openly, Robbe felt pretty special.

 Sander was doing more talking and Robbe was grateful for that, he was more interested in finding out everything sander would say to him than telling him his boring life story and no matter how much Sander tried to get him to open up, he just didn't want to, not because he didn't want to share stuff with him, quite the opposite actually, he just wanted to know more about him so they did just that. 

Robbe could see his phone lit up every second. He was suppose to meet with the guys and he felt very guilty about how much he was blowing them off to see Sander but could anyone blame him?

 "I will still continue it, just also study art you know?" He looked so passionate while talking about his art that Robbe couldn't fight off a smile on his face. 

"I think that's the best plan. You get to do what you want and everyone is happy."

Sander was looking at him with something in his eyes, Robbe couldn't explain. That gaze got stronger and stronger after their each meeting up, Robbe felt exposed and appreciated. He never wanted to make that feeling go away.

"Oh, not everybody is happy about it." That made Robbe's dumb smile freeze.

 "Are your parents still giving you hard time about it?" He chose his words carefully, didn't want to put his nose in Sander's private life more than he already has but the boy didn't seem to mind at all. 

"They are but they will get over it. Eventually." The worry was still presented on Robbe's face but when he said "at least you're happy" and saw how Sander smiled at that, he was sure, he'd never get over this boy.

This person would be the death of him and Robbe is more than ready to sign the deal with the devil. 

"Oh, I'm very happy." He gave him one of his cheesiest grin and took a sip from his coffee, and Robbe had to look away, this sight in front of him was too much to handle for his poor and fragile heart. 

He had it very, very bad but wouldn't change a thing. He smiled again, dumbfounded. 

Looked at Sander from the corner of his eyes, pretending to look out of the window, who was already staring at him.

He was always staring which made Robbe shudder under his gaze. 

That lovely, longing gaze that Robbe can't seem to run away from, not that he wants to. 

"I'm happy that you're happy." 

And he really was. Robbe was extremely happy, so happy that he felt like he'd explode. 

He tried to hide his smile by swallowing his lips but wasn't able to. 

Nothing could stop him from smiling and it was obvious. 

04.11.2020

This is a date. Or at least Sander wants it to be a date.

The thing is that he desperately wants this day to go and work out since he spent a lot of time on it.

When he first told Senne that he needed to take his car, the boy slammed his room's door right in front of his face. Sander counted that as a success. Then he mentioned it again at the dinner and when Senne realized that he was really serious, he started hysterical laughing and couldn't stop for a few minutes.

Sander has tried learning how to drive in the past.

Tried but failed.

Then he tried again, and also failed and realized, the car just wasn't for him. But after he saw what was on the theaters and also sent Robbe the name of the film and he said that he has been waiting for this movie to come out for some time now, it was already decided, Sander would try it again one more time.

Senne didn't agree with him and he didn't have time to take private driving lessons so after he literally begged and kneeled for him, his friend finally gave in. But when he found out that he had to learn how to drive properly in less than a week, he threw him out of the car. 

They tried it next day as well. And Sander was so bad, Senne tried to put it nicely but after a while, he couldn't hold his emotions in so he started straight up roasting and yelling at him, not only Sander was terrible, he was also messing up Senne's car and his friend was more worried about his vehicle than his date. All Sander could hear this days was "No. Stop, not like that. You're not supposed to push it like that. Fuck. Slow down. Now push it. Change it. It's not your side of the road. Turn around. You're not suppose to go there. Can't you at least start the car without my instructions? Just push the button, it's easy. Get out. Get the fuck out. I'm gonna kill my self. Now, slow and steady. You have to turn it all the way around. Fuck, don't hit the sidewalk. Careful. Open it. Look in the mirrors, they aren't there for aesthetic. Stop gripping it like that. Look out. Press the brake. Stop the damn car. Get out, don't let me see you for the rest of the day." And all over again the each day until they were suppose to meet.

Sander can't blame Senne, no matter how much he complained, he did his best and Sander is more than grateful. But he knows, he will mess up one way or another and he's already getting ready for the embarrassment.

Senne tried everything to get him to change his mind about taking his car but in the end, he hesitantly gave him the keys and made him promise that if he broke or scratched his car, he'd buy a new one for him. Sander took it from him with shaky fingers. It was the first time he'd have to drive alone and it was also first time he'd have to take Robbe to drive-in movie theaters and not only he still doesn't know how to park the car properly and the whole point of drive-ins are to park the car at the right place and he was also meeting up with Robbe and he couldn't just not drive there. 

He made Senne call him and was on a speaker just to be an emotional support for him until he'd get to Robbe's home and he almost hit the car in front of him while he was stopping but he stayed quiet so Senne wouldn't jump from his phone. And when he saw Robbe coming on his way, he hang up. 

It would be a very long night. It was already dark out and that was making the situation ten times harder for Sander but it was too late to back out now. 

Robbe opened the passenger door and sat down beside him, after they said their greetings and Sander was getting emotionally ready to start the car, he noticed Robbe's gaze on his face, mischief in his eyes and asked "what?"

 "Nothing." He answered but didn't look away. Not that Sander didn't like when Robbe was looking at him but he felt pressured while somebody was looking at him work and now, when he was extremely nervous, he couldn't just drive with him watching his every move.

"Something is up, just say it." He looked right at him now, turned his head.

Robbe giggled and stayed silent which made Sander more worried, was something on his face, he started wondering.

"Say it." His panicked voice made Robbe laugh and he finally started talking.

"It's just - I thought you didn't know how to drive." And at that, Sander's eyes went wide and he started nervously cough-laughing. 

"Yeah I - " he scratched the back of his neck and looked away. 

"I learnt it - a while a-ago. So don't judge me that harshly please." He felt his face started burning. 

"As if I'd dare and judge you." He isn't sure if Robbe's teasing manner is making him more nervous or more excited, probably both.

"O-okay." He breathed out and started the car. He was about to push the gas when he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked at Robbe smiling at him warmly, and gave him a reasonable nod. 

"Don't worry, okay? You don't have to impress me or anything. You don't need to, I'm sure you must already know. You're breathing and I'm already impressed."

How can he calmly drive after hearing this and not crash into something? 

"You're too pure for this world." He whispered and turned away, now starting the car for real and he saw how big Robbe's smile was from the corner of his eyes and how his dimples were almost pull up at his eyes and smiled himself. 

And in the end, the day went better than he imagined. He needed 9 minutes to park his car right at their place, he almost hit two cars and definitely went on a sidewalk when he dropped Robbe off and that boy couldn't stop giggling all night which made Sander so happy, he forgot about anything. 

Of course he didn't pay any attention to the movie, how could he when Robbe was sitting here, so beautiful, filled with happiness and he couldn't stop staring at him, he's sure Robbe noticed but didn't say anything else. He was somewhat interested in the movie and was making comments about it which Sander would answer with a little hum or "yeah."

One time Robbe looked at him and whispered "what?" His cheeks red all night long.

"Nothing. You're just very pretty."

12.11.2020

"You knew?"  

"I'm not as dumb as you think." Robbe laughed and looked at him. 

They were playing some kind of 20 questions game, asking each other questions they wanted to know the answer to. They were sitting on a grass, at some old abandon park where not a lot of people went and Robbe just asked him if he made the mural and to say that Sander was shocked, was an understatement.

"Did you know it from the beginning? You told me about somebody else who you thought made it, did you lie to me?"

"No. I had a doubt but obviously it was too crazy thought to even consider." And how the tables have turned now. 

The boys haven't seen each other that often past week since Sander was getting ready for his concert and had rehearses every day. 

He didn't want to admit how much he missed spending time with Robbe but now, that they were finally reunited, he felt amazing, calm. They still called each other, every night, falling asleep with listening to each other's voices and Sander realized, he was getting too attached. When he couldn't wait until it would get dark for him to call Robbe, or he'd desperately look in his calendar to see when they were suppose to meet, he knew he was too far gone for his boy and never wanted to go back to the time when he didn't know him. It also felt so insane, how they weren't like this in the past, how there was a time when Sander had no idea who this precious boy was. 

How there were probably universes where he still didn't know Robbe, and how glad he was that he was living in this one.

"Well, I guess, surprise?" Robbe laughed again and pushed him off playfully then he got serious and asked "why did you do it?"

Sander looked at him with a confused face and shrugged his shoulders.

"It's it obvious? I liked you, and I still do."

Robbe stayed silent for a few minutes, playing with his fingers, deep in thoughts.

"Can I ask you another question?" 

"Isn't it my turn?" Sander smirked at him and faced the blue, unclouded sky.

"You can ask two questions later."

"Sure. What do you want to know?"

"Did you see me that day at the skate park?" Sander stopped breathing for a few seconds, his mind going wild, racing.

He thought of pretending he didn't know what he was talking about but in the end, remembered that he made a promise that he'd only tell the truth to Robbe now so he nodded his head which made Robbe ask another question.

"Did you know what I looked like then? Did you know it was me?"

To which, Sander nodded again, guilty.

"Does it makes you feel weird?" He asked, afraid that Robbe would get mad at him or just walk away.

"Honestly, it makes me feel important." He confessed after a while and looked at Sander in the eyes. 

"But you are, Robbe. You're very important.

"They stayed there and continued talking until late at night, then Sander walked Robbe back to his place, and hugged him goodbye. 

It was a very peaceful day.

20.11.2020

"Get ready to be mind-blown" That's what Sander told him right before he walked up on the stage and Robbe is sure, he meant every word and he wasn't ready at all.

Sander told him that he could take his friends with him if he wanted but Robbe politely refused, saying that his friends didn't know about them, whatever they were, probably friends hoping to be more, but in reality, he didn't want anybody else to have Sander's name on the vip access ticket, hanging on their necks. He felt he was acting possessive, which he was but didn't want to admit it.

He also didn't know what to expect, Sander told him that he wished he wouldn't get lonely waiting for him or bored and Robbe almost had a fight with him that he even dared to say that Robbe would get bored, as if it wasn't like he was planning and wanting to be on Sander's concert almost his whole life. 

Sander took him with him and just because he had to be there earlier than the concert would start, which was 8 pm, Robbe was also there, having his first and best experience in his life. Sander has sung to him a few times, so it wasn't like he'd hear him sing in real life for the first time but he was so excited, his whole body was shaking from the happiness. 

He has already met Senne a few times before so when Sander was checking his sounds, Senne was hanging out with him, he was so fun to be around and Robbe could clearly see why those two were best friends. 

Then the concert started and he realized that he indeed wasn't an only person on Sander's vip list. Obviously, there were his parents, which he knew from the pictures but seeing them now, it was really obvious Sander was their son. He looked so much like them, that Robbe was so close to actually going up and saying thank you to them for creating their kid. He laughed at the thought, Sander would love it if he really did that. 

Another thing which annoyed him was how, other than people he didn't know, who had Sander's vip necklace, there was also Britt, walking around with her two friends, he knew from the Instagram, with his name on her neck. 

Robbe has never seen her up close and damn, she was very gorgeous. She had a very tight silver dress on which was going down to her knees, her shoulders visible and her blonde hair, straighten. 

All this time, he has never even once thought of Britt, not after their last encounter on the social media and all of a sudden, everything he knew about their relationship came rushing to the surface of his brain.

He already knew that they were good friends but couldn't help but feel upset about her being here, like he was. 

It made him feel ordinary, and no matter how much he knew he was just an ordinary boy, Sander always tries to make him feel special, and seeing her now made him realized that he still didn't get any different treatment and this selfish thought killed him in the heart. 

He remembered every photo or video they have ever posted when they were dating, or every rumor he has ever heard, one was even so crazy that the publicity thought they broke up because Britt was pregnant and having a kid at a such young age would ruin Sander's career. Obviously, Robbe hasn't believe them but for everybody to think that, meant they were pretty close. 

Why wouldn't they? When you're dating somebody for that long, as Sander would say, you have to go all the way or no way. 

Robbe couldn't help but feel somebody clutching his heart and making him breath uneasily. He doesn't have any right to be jealous, but looking at her here, jumping up and down while listening to his ex's concert, was making him think not so many good things. 

Robbe tried getting his mind off of that and he succeed, he stood as close to the stage to watch him and he had an amazing time.

Seeing Sander there, on the stage and watching how familiar this was for him, and how he looked like he was born for this, made Robbe realize why his manager was fighting so hard for Sander to only continue and focus on his music career. 

This, singing and being on the stage, was Sander's, and everybody could see that. 

Robbe didn't miss the way he kept looking back at him and made sure if he was watching, and of course Robbe was watching his every move, listening to his every note, knowing all the lyrics to each of his songs but staying quiet, just listening to him sing.

He had to admit, Sander and Senne were a good due, and they, with the help of a few people put out a fire and the audience went crazy. 

And Robbe felt on a cloud infinite. 

At the very end, Sander sang his latest and recent song, the song Robbe didn't know about and kept looking at him, as if he was singing this for him and Robbe blushed so hard and he was so relieved that nobody here, other than the boys on the stage, knew who he was and who he was to Sander. 

But even Robbe, himself didn't know who he really was to Sander.

And when they finished their concert with the song Sander wrote for Robbe, using his own messages as lyrics, Robbe really was sure that he'd drop dead on the hard floor.

Is this really a real life, he wondered, or is this a dream, a fantasy?

He will never, ever get over this, he will never get over how every few minutes, Sander would look back at him and smiled, or even winked.

Would this always be like this? He'd give up everything he ever owned and so much more for this to be always like this. 

The people's screaming was making him deaf but he couldn't really blame them, he's silent only because he's with Sander's friends and family. He had no idea if any of them knew who he was but when Sander's mom walked up to him and asked him if he was Robbe, then he guessed that Sander must have said something about him with them.

"I am." He smiled, showed of his teeth and dimples, and got a warming smile in return too.

"It's a pleasure. I've heard a lot of great things about you."

What things? He wanted to ask and knew but couldn't dare. 

Somebody called her name and she turned around and said "I'll be there in a moment." Then looked at Robbe one more time, put her hand on his arm. 

"You really make my son happy, thank you for that. I got to go now but I hope we will meet each other soon again." And left him after giving him another smile which made it clear, from whom Sander got his own.

He didn't know which fact was the crazier, the fact that Sander told his parents about him, or the fact that his mom literally just gave them her blessing without even saying that word. 

Sander's mom thanked him, she liked him and welcomed him in her family, or that's what it seemed like. 

He didn't have a lot of time to think about that since the concert was over and the boys were walking out of the stage. Even if he was standing the closest to the stage, somebody behind him run up and went in front of him, he saw that it was Britt and as soon as Sander walked out, she jumped on him and wrapped her arms around him so tightly that Sander had to put his palm on a wall next to him so he wouldn't fall off and then he laughed and put his arms around her as well. 

Robbe didn't want to think about that but the only thought in his head was that Sander hugged her exactly the way he hugged him.

Maybe he hugs everybody like that. 

He saw how Sander whispered something in her ear that made her crack up and throw her head back. 

After they pulled away, they exchanged some words and then Senne walked out and she went up to him instead, probably just to congratulate him and tell him what a great show they pulled.

People went up to Sander and after a few minutes of him, hugging everybody else and having a small talk with them, he finally saw Robbe standing there and walked up to him.

He was sweaty and out of breath, but still managed to win Robbe's heart over again with his smile.

"Hey stranger." He said and winked at him, which automatically made Robbe smiled, no matter how upset he was to see him with Britt just a moment ago.

"Hey. You were amazing out there." He didn't say all the compliments he wanted to, Sander didn't deserve him after that hug, Robbe was acting jealous for no reason but in his mind, it wasn't wrong to act this way at all.

Obvious to Robbe's discomfort and sadness, he thanked him and took his hand, started walking away and dragged him with him. 

Sander was really amazing on the stage, and this night was something Robbe will never forget. 

It was perfect.

He was perfect. And Robbe still can't believe he was able to see all that unfold in real life with his own two eyes.

Sander apparently dragged him back to the backstage 'getting ready' area. And pushed him inside, closed the door. 

The whole room screamed 'Sander' and Robbe thought that this must be his own, private place.

Robbe was looking around the room when he saw how Sander took off his shirt from the corner of his eyes and made his self turn around properly so he wouldn't have to look at him no matter how much he wanted to. Instead he looked at the guitars and clothes around the room and a very big mirror, and some stuff Sander had in here. 

His mind was his biggest enemy and he realized it when the thought of Sander, dragging Britt back to here after his concert to fuck her was filling and clouding his head.

Why is he doing this to his self?

His mood kept dropping down on the floor as more time passed, and it wasn't fair since he was the happiest he has ever been just a few moments ago. 

Had they made out of the couch before?                                                          Had they kissed against the door?                                                                    Had they locked up in here for hours after the concert and only left after the midnight?

He tried shutting down his thoughts but they keep rushing and rushing in. 

Then he felt the boy stood next to him. 

Robbe doesn't know if he had seen his face and realized it, or if he was a mind reader but Sander made him turn around, looked at him. 

"I have never taken anyone in here in the past, you're the first and only one."

Before Robbe had a chance to answer, he put his arm in front of him and took off his bracelet.

Robbe knew and recognized that bracelet, Sander had talked about it in his videos and knew how much it meant for Sander and he knew what he was going to say about it before he even did it. 

"This is my lucky bracelet. I always put it on, on my concerts and take them off after it."

Robbe didn't know why he was telling him all this and in here.

Sander probably saw his confusion face and decide to continue. 

He took Robbe's palm in his hand and put the bracelet in it. Robbe looked down at it, couldn't believe what he thought was happening.

"I want to give it to you, if you will take it." And he looked at him dead in the eyes, and Robbe has never seen him that serious before, not even when he was talking about his illness, and that made his eyes wide.

"W-what? But, Sander. This is your lucky bracelet, I know you don't ever sing on concerts without it and it must mean so much for you, how can you even - " 

"I don't need any luck anymore. I have you, don't I?" 

Of course, he had Robbe.

He had Robbe even before he knew who he was.

He had Robbe right after Robbe heard his voice for the first time in his life.

You do, he wanted do say, I'm yours, take me, have me however you want, he wanted to add.

But decided to stay silent, only asking "are you sure?" after a while.

"I'm sure. I mean - do you not like it?" The worry lines between his forehead was making him seem so adorable, Robbe only wanted to kiss them all over. 

"Are you kidding me? How do you even dare to ask me that? Of course I like it, I love it. This means so much for me and I - " Sander shut him up by putting his index finger on his lips and Robbe looked up at him.

"Stop thanking me. First it was constantly saying sorry all the time, now this." He smiled and put the bracelet on his arm. Robbe looked down at it on his wrist and also at the hand which was still holding his arm. 

"But what about your lucky charm?" He asked.

Sander smiled at him and came closer which made Robbe's heart beat so fast that it was ready to jump out of his skin.

He put his face so close to him that Robbe closed his eyes and felt his lips on his cheek seconds after.

Sander pulled away but didn't let go of his hand.

Robbe opened his eyes and saw him, looking down at their fingers, which were still holding each other.

"I don't need any lucky charm. I have you, that's more than enough. Now, come." And pulled blushing and smiling Robbe out of the room.

03.12.2020

When Sander told Robbe that he wasn't alone, coming to meet up with him, Robbe got a little worried. 

Sander also added "I had no choice" on his previous text message and didn't reply to him after that. 

But Robbe found out what he meant by that soon when he saw Sander coming up to him while holding a little kid's hand in his left hand and a little bag in his right.

When they stopped in front of Robbe, the boy kneeled down. 

"Hey, little buddy. What's your name?" The kid looked up at Sander, silently asking if it was to say and after Sander nodded slowly, smiling down at him, the kid said.

"I'm Theodore."

"Well, hi, Theodore. I'm Robbe. It's nice to meet you." 

"I just have to take care of him for like an hour and then we can meet up with his mom, okay? I'm so sorry, she didn't have anybody to leave him with and I wanted to help her - "

"Sander, you don't have to explain. It's okay. I'm so happy I got to meet the person who makes you lose your mind and wants to jump from the building." He smiled and got up on his feet.

"Theo will be a good kid today, won't he?" Sander asked playfully and whispered "he's in a good mood" to Robbe and they started walking.

Robbe couldn't help but stare at them. Sander was so close to that little boy, like they were in a little bubble together. 

Robbe and Sander were talking but at the same time, Theo was asking him questions, like "what's this?" And Sander would answer automatically. 

"Are we going to see mommy?" Theo asked.

"Yes we are. She will meet us soon."

"Soon?"

"Uh-Huh. So after that, he took her back to his place and they had the biggest fight, imagine how horrible it must have been that the neighbors called the police because of the noises and breaking objects and - " Sander was telling him about Theo's mom and her boyfriend at the same time.

"Look, what a cute dog."

"Yeah, it's very cute. Look, how he's playing with his friend?" And continued talking to Robbe and switching the personalities like it wasn't a big deal at all "sometimes he checks up on him, but he just don't really care, you know? It's so sad since she really loved him but - "

"Sander, wait. I have something - " They stopped and Sander looked down at whatever Theo was telling him.

"What is it? Show me." Theo had his finger in his hand and was looking at it closely, pulling in his eyebrows. Sander took his finger and examined it.

Robbe almost melted at the sight in front of him, it was so cute to see how vulnerable and sweet and caring Sander was with that kid.

"It's nothing. There's nothing there." He took his hand again and continued walking.

"I want to go to the park."

"Let's ask your mom when we see her."

"Ask mom?"

"Yep."

"And then go?"

"Yeah."

"Go to the park?"

"Yeah."

"Will Robbe come too?" The boy and looked up at him and asked which made Robbe so happy.

"I don't know, ask him." Sander told him.

Theo asked him directly now, which made Robbe nod his head and smile.

They meet up with her mom after an hour or so and she thanked him so much and apologized of keeping Sander busy while he was on a date when he saw Robbe with him. 

Sander said that it was more than alright, didn't correct her about the date thing, kissed and hugged Theo and they left together. 

Theo started crying when they were going away but Sander promised him that he's see him later and calmed him down.

Robbe had the biggest smile while watching that. 

Theo also said a goodbye to Robbe and blowed him a kiss, which made the brunet's heart filled with adoration and love.

"He must really love you." Robbe said after they weren't visible anymore.

"I think I'm the closest he has to a father." He put his body closer to Robbe, their arms were touching while they were walking together which was sending electricity in Robbe's body.

"No, I think you're more like his best friend." Robbe looked down at their arms and when he was about to pull away a little bit, afraid that he was make Sander uncomfortable, the boy entwined their fingers together. And Robbe got goosebumps all over his skin.

"Yeah, that too. Believe it or not, he's also my best friend in some kind of way." He got even closer to him and looked at him, his face was only ten centimeters away. 

"Ohh, does Senne has a competition?" Robbe teased and Sander laughed at that.

"Oh, I'm sure Theo would beat him the title of my best friend."

"I'm sure he would." 

14.12.2020

Robbe doesn't know how they got in this situation and position.

They are sitting on the bench, well, Robbe is sitting and Sander is laying down with his head on Robbe's legs, his eyes closed, one of his legs bent and the other straight in front of him.

"Your knees are shaking. Sander told him as a matter of fact and Robbe's ears got hot after hearing. 

"I know." He mumbled. 

"Give me your hand." Sander looked up at him and it didn't felt fair, how Robbe had nowhere to run from his gaze and was obligated to look down at his beautiful green eyes. 

"Why?" 

"Because I want to hold it." And he took it in his hand, started playing with his fingers.

Robbe had to admit, they have been getting closer and closer this past few weeks, fast few months actually, to the point where Sander holding his hand, or sitting this close to him, or even putting his arm around his shoulder was and felt normal. 

And Robbe really doesn't know how they got to that point of their relationship, how fast they were they were changing blush emojis to kissy emojis on their phones, or even hearts, which Robbe found out a very interesting fact about.

Apparently Sander uses different kind and color of hearts while texting. He uses green with somebody he used to be close with but now they don't hang out that much. He uses yellow with somebody he wants to impress. Orange with somebody he doesn't like. Black with his art friends. Heart with a bow ties is with somebody he just really hates. And blue with somebody who is special for him. And he just doesn't use other colors. Sometimes purple if he's unsure of what to feel about the person he's texting with. 

He rarely uses red since it means real love for him but that's the only color of heart he has been using for Robbe, it makes him smile every time he sees it.

Robbe is definitely in love. But he can't speak much about Sander. 

Well, he has been open about his feelings and he has been spoiling Robbe with presents or compliments but he hasn't said anything directly, he has mentioned once or twice that he likes Robbe but that's it. 

Sander is probably afraid of going in deep or saying something Robbe isn't comfortable enough to hear yet and he adores Sander and is thankful for that but he's just desperate. 

All this cute little dates and meeting ups are amazing but in this kind of moments, like now, when Sander is so close, he's touching him, making him feel loved and Robbe still doesn't know what they are is making him want to cry. 

He's killing him, slowly and adorably, enjoying every second of it and Robbe is falling, somewhere, in a very long black hole and when he's sure that he has finally gotten to the place he has to come to a stop, the gravity starts working again and he's going down and down, deeper and deeper, he can't see the surface anymore for a very long time now. 

He's terrified that Sander will leave him there, stuck, devastated but one can only hope that the things will start to get clearer.

A year ago, he would have never thought that he'd even talk to him, six months ago, he never thought that he'd meet him, two months ago, he's never thought that Sander would have his head on his lap and his palm in his hand but here they were. 

The world definitely had a way to surprise him, always.

Robbe looked down at his peaceful and angelic face.

Robbe really wants to touch his hair but he isn't daring it yet. He's not the confident one in the relationship. 

In general, he hugged Sander by his self six times, kissed his cheek once, took his hand in his own twice, while Sander was almost all over him, with his hands and fingers wandering, in his hair, on his back, on his thigh, arms, hands, face.

After he found out that Robbe was comfortable with him being touchy, he didn't stop. Not that Robbe wanted him to.

He put his fingers close to his neck slowly, going in and out, didn't dare to touch it. Sander sensed his movement and opened his eyes, made Robbe feel like an exhibition in a museum because of the way the boy was looking at him.

Suddenly, he smiled and whispered "you can touch me. I don't bite. At least not if you won't ask me to." Which made Robbe put his head down, try to hide his face and by doing this, he went so deep that he put his forehead right against Sander's forehead. Not knowing what he was doing, he used his chance to slip his fingers in his soft hair and started massaging his scalp.

They stayed like this until Robbe got back to his previous position, now with his plan being successful, his fingers lost in white locks.

Robbe has no idea about how much time has passed since they got here, how many hours have they been together today. 

He closed his eyes and started "walking" in his head, thoughts after thoughts developing and becoming one. 

Sander has told him about it once, how sometimes he looks back at his thoughts and watches how each one changed to one another like a movie.

It definitely was very weird, and the way Sander's voice changed when he said it made Robbe realize that this person in front of him then, was a person Sander didn't let anybody see, only a few people.

A person who he was embarrassed about, a person he hated, a toxic, a maniac, crazy person he says he becomes and Robbe wants nothing more to make him see how wrong he is when he says all that stuff about his self.

How much he wishes to make Sander see him from Robbe's eyes, to make him see how special he is.

That was the Sander, the boy was afraid that would make Robbe run away but he was incorrect, this would be the person that would make him stay.

It took a lot of energy and time for Robbe to start accepting and communicating with Sander like a normal person. No matter how much time they spend talking, he still has that fan girl moments when he realizes who he's with and freaks out but they are getting more infrequent as he's getting to know the boy.

Believe it or not, Sander is normal. He has friends, he has problems he deals with, he has hobbies, he has a baggage and he's still perfect.

He's just a person.                                                                                                

A person Robbe loves and adores.

A person Robbe can't seem to live without now.

A person who has his head on his legs at the moment.

He opened his eyes when he felt Sander shift and was met with his eyes, staring down at him, his face close to his own. And he stayed there for a while, making sure Robbe wouldn't pull away and when he was certain that Robbe was definitely not moving, he put and touched Robbe's nose with his nose, moved it up and down slowly. Robbe felt a hot breath on his whole face, his heart about to burst out and when he finally felt Sander's lips on his own, he completely lost it.

Sander was always making him feel things he has never felt before but this was something he couldn't even explain.

He has imagined this so much that he's not proud but it felt greater than anything he has ever felt in his entire life. While his mind was closed for using for today, his body fortunately knew what to do and he wrapped his arms around him, kissing him back, pulling him closer to him.

The kiss wasn't long but it was passionate, teasing and breathtaking. 

Basically, everything Sander was. 

If Robbe knew kissing him felt like this, he'd jump on him when he has his first chance. 

Sander pulled away, looking startled and scared, put his forehead against Robbe's and whispered: "I wanted to ask if I could kiss you but then decided against it and went for it."

Robbe doesn't know how he managed to say a word. 

"I'm glad you did." 

They stayed like this for a while, just looking and breathing in each other. 

Then Robbe let out a whimper and took both of Sander's hands in his own. "Please don't lie to me, is this a dream?"

Sander looked at him sadly and filled with so much love, it was making Robbe weak and he was so happy he was sitting down. 

"I don't know. Are your eyes open? Don't believe everything you might see."

The way Sander was always using his words against him, making him remember them.

But now, he wasn't upset, no, he was happy Sander remembered and appreciated them.

And he can't lie, it was a perfect time to say it.

"All I believe right now is that I see you and you're here." He whispered back, clutching his fingers so tightly now that they were getting white, Sander didn't mind or he didn't show it at least, Robbe was petrified he'd blink and Sander wouldn't be there anymore.

"You're right. I am and I'm not going anywhere. At least not without you."

Sander reassured him and he kissed him again. 

Robbe went limp in his arms. 

Chapter 8.1

[wnderkoo]

summary: what happens when the man who broke your heart is your only option as a date to your sister's wedding? pairing: jungkook x original character genre: second chances au | fluff, angst, smut tags/warnings: angst?, post breakup awkwardness, oc is relatable tbh, some random telenovela i came up with from the top of my head, one bed trope cus im a whore for that (fight me i dare you) they’re still obviously in love ugh.

chapter one. | series masterlist

"There has to be someone else! Mami please." I've spent what seems like three hours having a one sided conversation with my mother on the phone and I'm close to my breaking my point. I know her english isn't very good, but it's just unbelievable how she can't understand what the words 'I. Am. Not. Going. To. The. Wedding. With. Him' mean. "But mija, all your tias and tios miss him!" She exclaims over the phone. "And I know you miss him too!" Her voice is over-bearingly whiny because I know how much she misses him too.

But I don't want to face him- I don't really know if I can.

My mother seems to notice my silence on her end of the line and sighs. "Please, just think about it mija. I think it will be good for the two of you." Her voice has gone softer, almost comforting, and I nod before realising she can't see me. "Okay mami, I'll talk to you later." I say, and hang up. I'm not sure what she means by that, since there is no us anymore.

The two of us had dated back in high-school- from the ninth grade until a few months after we graduated. We were, dare I say it, genuinely in love, and now I can't go to a single family gathering where my tias won't ask where he is or how he's doing. He's so friendly and loveable it makes me barf. We were perfect together, and I don't know what happened. All I know is that the day he told me we needed to talk was the day I stopped believing in love. If we were so perfect, why did it end? The next thing I knew, he had moved across the country.

The quiet of my apartment prompts me to sigh and run a hand through my hair. That exhausting phone call had opened all the floodgates and now, every memory from those two years together pooled in my mind. And as my eyes scan across my apartment, I see him. I see him on the couch, with me wrapped in his arms as we watch a movie- one that I know will make me sad, but I choose anyway just so he can comfort me and kiss my tears away. I see him across the room, in my kitchen, frying eggs as I sit on the island in one of his tee-shirts. I see him on my balcony, dancing with me in the rain because we're sappy like that, his bright smile shining even through the gloomy backdrop of grey skies and angry clouds.

And just like that, I'm missing him. I don't think I've ever stopped missing him, even in the relationships I've had after him. It sounds like a douche-bag thing to say, but no one has ever loved me the way he did, and I have never loved anyone the way I loved him. If I still believed in soulmates- he would be mine.

I wrack my brain trying to see where it all went wrong, coming up empty. To anyone on the outside, we were on a steadfast track to marriage and kids. But one day, maybe he just changed his mind. I remember how clammy my hands were as I stood in the elevator of his apartment, and the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach as I walked down his doorway. The four seconds after I knocked that it took him to open the door felt like hours, and the crestfallen expression on his face when he finally did open the door told me everything I needed to know.

It's bittersweet to think about how he held me as I cried. His arms were around me, holding me to his chest as if he hadn't just dumped me and thrown my heart on the ground to bleed out. Maybe dumped is too strong of a word. See, as heartbroken as I was, the breakup couldn't have gone any smoother. There were tears, a lot of them, and not just from me. I'm not sure why exactly he was crying- I was the one getting broken up with. But nothing was thrown and no cheeks were slapped, we merely held onto each other until we couldn't and I pulled away and weakly mumbled 'I should go now.' I'll never forget the way my heart split in two when he kissed me on my tear stained cheeks and whispered the words 'get home safe.'

It took me four days to stop crying at every little thing that reminded me of him, songs we listened to, movies we watched, things he'd say. From the nights I had spent stalking his social media I know that he's doing well, and as much as I wish he was miserable- I'm happy that he is. He seems to be okay after the break up, so I'm okay too.

I catch myself before the tears can start to roll down my face, deciding that tonight is not the night to be weeping. To distract myself, I decide to cook dinner. There's barely enough in my kitchen to make an almost plate of mac and cheese, but I seem to manage.

It's halfway through my movie marathon on the couch, when my phone rings. I fish it out from under the blanket and a number I don't recognise sits at the top of the screen. I hesitate before pressing accept and bringing it to my ear.

"Hello?" I ask, chewing on a piece of macaroni that was stuck in my mouth.

⠀

"Lina."

⠀

That voice. Deep and rich like honey, it echoes in my head and my heartbeat immediately picks up just from that one word alone. Shivers run through me and my body goes rigid. I could never forget his voice, no matter how hard I tried. When I don't reply, the voice speaks again.

⠀

"Lina? Are you there?"

⠀

"Yes." I immediately wince at the squeak in my voice and awkwardly clear my throat, willing myself to pull it together as I wait for his reply.

⠀

"Can we talk?" ⠀

⠀

The fancy sign plastered above the restaurant's entrance stares down at me, taunting me to go in as if it knew exactly who was waiting inside. 

Before I can convince myself to go home and that this was a terrible idea, I adjust my shirt for the third time and push open the door. I meet his eyes from across the dimly lit room and I almost turn around and bolt out the door. I don't know why I thought I could do this. See him, talk to him. But the second I see him sitting there, hair slightly messy from running a hand through it one too many times (a habit I know him to do when he gets nervous), I instantly freeze.

Jeon Jungkook still looks good as ever. His hair is longer and he looks like he has his life together. Good for him. Even dressed in a simple black shirt, he out dresses every man in the room. It almost pisses me off.

I didn’t know he was in town until he had called earlier and asked to talk over dinner. Was it petty of me to be upset that he didn’t message to let me know? Probably. 

I take a breath and walk towards his table. The restaurant is classy, but cheap enough that I wouldn't think of this as a date, not that I would anyway. "Hi." I say just as he stands. He's gotten taller. "Hey." He says with a smile. God, I almost melted on the spot. I missed that smile. I see him deciding whether or not to pull my chair out so I beat him to it, pulling it out myself. "You look good." He says as we take our seats. "Thank you." I reply, only letting a fraction of a smile show.

I'm not sure how i'm supposed to feel right now. I haven't seen this man in almost year, and the last time I did, he kind of really broke my heart.

When the waiter approaches our table, Jungkook orders for the both of us, knowing exactly what I like without asking. It's bittersweet, but even still, it makes a part of me feel warm.

When he had called earlier that afternoon, it was to ask if we could talk. I'm not sure wether he was referring to the wedding or wether he wanted to see how I was doing, although I'm pretty sure it was the former. I wasn't sure how long he'd been in town, or how long he was planning to stay, and maybe I didn't want to know.

"So, how have you been?" Jungkook asks after swallowing a sip of his water. Here it is, the awkward small talk that masks what we're both too scared to say. "As good as someone can be after the love of their life breaks their heart." I joke, feeling bad when Jungkook's face falls. "I'm kidding." I add quickly. 

The table goes silent.

"Anyway.." I cough awkwardly, reaching to take a sip of your own water. Please kill me now. "what about you?" I ask."Yeah, it's been good." Is his simple reply. Silence falls over the table again and I wish the ground would just open up and swallow me whole. It was never this hard to talk to him.

"So.." Jungkook begins. "Vera's getting married huh?" He says, almost in disbelief. My lips turn up at the corners, anyone who knew my sister knew exactly how much she could be at times. It was a wonder how she managed to find someone who could put up with her long enough to marry her. "Yeah," I smile. "Tae's a great guy."

Taehyung and Jungkook had met a couple of times. They were both family favourites at every gathering. My tias loved them because they were tall and handsome and never turned down one of their home cooked meals. My tios loved them because they were beasts at soccer, always fighting over who was on who's team at family matches.

"Tia Cora called me the other day.." My eyes immediately widen. I didn't even know my mother had Jungkook's number. "She said that I'm your date to the wedding now?" I close my eyes and exhale bluntly through my nose. I really needed to have a word with that meddling mother of mine.

"It's not official." I clarify. "It's just my original date is.. unavailable now," I internally cringe at how pathetic I sound. "And you might already have a date, I don't really know since we don't exactly talk, but if I can't find another date before the wedding, and if you're free, then I would probably need to go with you. I have no problem going alone, but I'm the maid of honor, so I kind of need a date-"

I stop, realising that I'm rambling and that Jungkook is staring at me, with a look of fondness? "I'll be your date." He says simply. I'm about to protest when he speaks again. "It'll save you having to look for someone else." He watches me as I think it over in my head, it would save me the dignity. And as pathetic as it sounds, I'd rather dance with Jungkook than anyone else.

"Okay then." I smile.

Our food comes and we waste no time digging in. We eat in silence, and this time it's a comfortable silence. The two of us take turns sneaking glances at each other and to any onlooker, it looks like your typical awkward first date- if only they knew.

I don't question why Jungkook and I couldn't have just talked on the phone and saved me the heartache of seeing him sit right in front of me yet be a world's reach away. But just for tonight, I'll let myself laugh loosely at his jokes and smile at his dorky face, no matter how much my heart pounds in my chest telling me how much I miss him.

We split the bill, because this is not a date. And afterwards we stand outside the restaurant in a bubble of awkwardness. It seems neither of us had thought it through up to this point. Do we hug goodbye? kiss? shake hands?

"Do you want a ride to the airport?" Jungkook asks, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his trousers. Since my mother had booked my ticket, I'm guessing she also booked Jungkook's. "Oh.. if it isn't any trouble," I say timidly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear that had been moved by the night breeze. I come to the realisation that I no longer know how to talk to him anymore, internally cringing at how I sound like a lame victorian duchess. "No trouble at all," Jungkook smiles, rocking backwards on the heels of his feet.

Silence passes and his eyes linger on me for one beat and then two. "You should head home before it gets late," Jungkook says, and I lift my gaze to meet his. I see him debating something in his head, but he doesn't seem to go through with it. "Goodnight Lina."

⠀

"Goodnight Jungkook."

⠀

Neither one of us makes a move to leave, eyes still on the other. Jungkook's stare seems to say a million words that he can't and maybe if things were different, I could ask him what they are and we would talk like we used to. It's only when he smiles tentatively, reaching forward and straightening my coat around my shoulders, that I finally turn around and walk to my car. When I turn around, he's still in the same spot, waiting until I'm in my car before he even moves a muscle.

I sit in the driver's seat of my car, smiling at him from behind the windshield, feeling all kinds of emotions. He waves before turning and walking the opposite way. As I stare at his retreating back, I curse the universe for not giving us our happy ending.  ⠀

⠀

It's 9am and my apartment looks like the aftermath of a tornado. Clothes thrown haphazardly over my bed spill onto the floor, makeup products a mess on my bathroom counter as I hurry to pack my suitcase in time to make it to the airport before our flight leaves.

My lack of organisation wasn’t entirely my fault though, I had thought I had another day to pack, but turns out that our flight was scheduled a day earlier than what I had read in my flight information email. Staying up until 4am watching Disney movies was entirely my fault though, and this exact moment is when I realise that my actions may in fact have consequences. After zipping up my suitcase and making sure I look decent enough, I hurriedly haul myself and my suitcase down to where Jungkook waits on the street in his shiny white car.

It was the same one I’d ridden in so many times, the both of us singing along to whatever music played on the radio. It was the car he picked me up in for all of our dates, and the car he drove me home with. The same car where we’d f-

Slamming the boot shut, I decide that my mess of an apartment will have to wait till after we get back from the wedding. I throw myself down into the passenger seat dramatically. "Good morning?" Jungkook says hesitantly when I sigh and slouch into the seat. "Morning." I reply, eyes closed as I rub my temples. I'm thankful when Jungkook doesn't question me and starts the car, leading us straight to the airport.

I'm thankful again when Jungkook does all the talking at check-in, loading our suitcases onto the conveyor belt before leading us to our gate. We stop at a cafe and I immediately slump into a seat, forehead meeting the wooden table with a thump. I barely register Jungkook's retreating footsteps until 5 minutes of silence go by before I hear him sliding into the seat in front of me and set something down on the table.

I lift my head and see two cups of coffee. I grumble a thank you when he slides one forward, sitting up and taking a sip. My eyes go wide when I taste the sweet liquid on my tongue. "You remember my order?" My heart swells when Jungkook nods. It may only be an iced latte with extra caramel and honey, but he still remembered. That fact alone makes my insides warm and fuzzy. "Thank you," I say, trying my best to give him a smile. It's the least I can do for being such a mess. "And I'm sorry I've been so grumpy this morning- I'm starting to regret that movie marathon." Jungkook chuckles and with it my world shakes from side to side. "Don't worry about it, you can sleep it off on the plane." He smiles.

As we wait for our flight to board, Jungkook and I engage in light conversation while we sit and watch planes take off and land. My head finds itself on his shoulder but neither of us acknowledge it, his shoulder is comfortable and warm against my cheek. I glance around the airport, people-watching. I wonder about each person who passes by, where they're headed and what their story is. I wonder what people think when they look at me and Jungkook, and what they think our story is. I wonder too. We're friends now I think, but is that how our story goes?

When our flight is called to board and the chaos of people lining up has my nerves tensing, Jungkook leads me with a hand on my lower back towards the tunnel. He takes our passports out of the front pocket of his backpack and hands them to the flight attendant, who rips our boarding pass before handing them back to Jungkook and wishing us a safe flight.

On the plane, we make our way through the narrow hallway towards row J. Jungkook lets me in first, letting me have the window seat although I know for a fact that it was assigned as his. I guess he remembers how much I love looking out the window during takeoff. When the captain comes over the PA system, everyone settles into their seats and the flight attendants begin with the safety briefing.

I barely listen, playing with bracelets that decorate Jungkook's wrist, a habit I formed back when we had dated. I draw my hand back instantly when I realise what I'm doing and lift my head, pretending to watch the briefing. I miss the way Jungkook's mouth turns into a small frown at the disappearance of my touch.

Once we're up in the sky and the seatbelt sign turns off, I stare out the window and watch the city fade into the clouds. When there's nothing left but blue and white, I sit back and yawn, propping my head up onto the arm rest with my elbow. It's uncomfortable but I'm on the edge of falling asleep, so my neck problems will have to wait. My eyebrows furrow when I feel Jungkook hold my head up, the sound of the armrest coming up between us confuses me even more, but when he lowers my head onto his shoulder I realise he was just trying to make me comfortable. I'm too far into sleep to retaliate by saying this can't possibly be comfortable for him, but he snakes an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. I love the warmth of his body, and im too far gone to care that we're way too close right now. But his arm holding me to him is comforting, and I let his thumb rubbing circles on my waist send me over the precipice of sleep.

The next time I'm awake is when we're just about to land, when Jungkook squeezes my side gently to ease me awake. I lift my head from his shoulder in a haze, wondering why my ears feel so blocked before remembering that I'm on a plane. The sun has set and the clouds are grey against the night sky. "Sleep well?" Jungkook asks tentatively. I turn to him and nod, rubbing my eyes. They widen in horror at the small puddle of drool left on Jungkook's shoulder. My eyes narrow at him when he only laughs at my mortified expression, waving it off by saying he'll change at the airport when we land. "Thank you for letting me sleep on you," I say bashfully, still embarrassed by the drool situation. "Did you get any sleep?" I immediately feel guilty when Jungkook shakes his head. "I got a lot of sleep last night. I didn't mind." I realise how much I missed how caring this man is, and it makes a pool of dread settle in the pit of my stomach.

I stare out the window as the plane touches down on the tarmac runway, tracing the colourful lights as we slowly glide towards the terminals. When I turn my phone on, It's almost 10 o'clock at night, I really slept for 12 hours? The plane comes to a full stop, and the seatbelt sign turns off just as the captain comes over the PA system, welcoming us to Amalfi, Italy.

Jungkook and I walk through the tunnel towards the airport, and I wait outside the bathrooms as he changes his shirt. I don't think I'll ever be able to live that down. When Jungkook comes out, his navy blue tee has been swapped with a white one. He gives me a smile before leading us towards baggage claim. I let him haul both of our suitcases onto a trolley, and I follow slightly behind him as he pushes it outside to the taxi bays.

Jungkook waves down a taxi and loads the suitcases into the boot before I can even help. He motions me into the backseat, before closing my door and getting into the passenger seat. As Jungkook makes casual conversation with the driver, I stare out the window, watching the bustling nightlife as it spills onto the streets. Everywhere I look there's culture and a warm, inviting atmosphere.

We pull up outside a nice looking hotel and thank the driver before getting out. I childishly run to the boot to grab our suitcases, pulling a face at Jungkook who merely laughs. The taxi takes off and I turn around and survey our surroundings, the hotel is right in the middle of a town centre with night markets and restaurants scattered throughout my peripheral vision alone. I'm too busy admiring to realise that Jungkook has taken our suitcases and is walking up the stairs to the hotel.

"Not fair!" I yell from where I stand on the street. I run to catch up with him, almost tripping on the stairs, just as he reaches the front desk. Jungkook ignores me as I stand next to him with my arms crossed, eyes boring holes into the side of his head as he talks to the lady at reception. "Enjoy your stay," She smiles before handing Jungkook two keycards and giving me a slightly worried look.

When he finally turns to me, Jungkook nods to my suitcase as if to say 'go on' and I grab it and saunter off towards the elevators with a flip of my hair over my shoulders. I roll my eyes when I hear his chuckle behind me, We get off on the third floor and Jungkook leads us down the hallway to our room. I stop dead in my tracks when I realise that my mother never mentioned whether she booked two rooms or one when I talked to her last. As I walk to catch up with Jungkook, I pray that there's at least two beds in the room. Knowing my mother, I'm sure she thought it'd be completely fine to make us share a bed, not knowing exactly how mortified I would be if that happened.

Jungkook opens the door to our room with his keycard and lets me walk in first. I hesitantly make my way inside, noting that the room is fairly nice, with a decent sized bathroom and a mini kitchen along the other wall. When I reach the heart of the room my face falls. "What's wrong?" Jungkook asks, walking in behind me. "There's only one bed." I mumble. It's a kind sized bed, but even that isn't enough room between the two of us for me to be able to sleep comfortably.

"I'm gonna go down and ask if there are any other rooms available." I say awkwardly. Jungkook holds out a keycard and I take it and practically run out the door.

After ten minutes of begging the poor lady at reception if there are any other rooms, and her explaining how they're fully booked out for the next few days, I'm on the edge of crying. I thank her for her time and apologise for being difficult before walking outside and calling my mother. I ask her what in the universe would make her possibly think I'd want to share a bed with Jungkook and she merely laughs and half asses an apology. I tell her that I'm tired and that I'll see her soon before hanging up and running a hand through my hair.

The air is warm and humid, yet everything feels lively around me. The streetlights cast a golden glow on everything they touch and, across the street, a band plays music outside a cafe while people talk and children dance. I stay out here, sitting on the top stair of the hotel, just admiring my surroundings before I eventually get up and head back inside.

"Lina?" Jungkook calls from somewhere in the room as I shut the door behind me. "I was starting to get worried," I hear him chuckle. I take my shoes off and throw them down in the hallway before plodding into the room. My face morphs into confusion when I see where Jungkook has made himself at home on the chaise lounge chair by the window. "What are you doing?" I ask, a hand on my hip.

"You can take the bed," He says and I immediately shut that down with a forceful no. "You take it." I say. "It's only fair since you let me sleep on the plane." Jungkook opens his mouth, probably to object, but I cut him off. "And you're too big for the couch, Jungkook. Look at you- you're literally about to fall off." He can't argue with that, body already halfway off the couch. "Well then I'll sleep on the floor." He shrugs, making me sigh. I can't let him do that, he already sacrificed 12 hours to make sure I slept comfortably on the plane, any more and people would call me a sadist.

"Get up," I say. "We'll sleep on the bed, just um.. put some pillows between us." It seems logical, we're both adults- we should be able to sleep in the same bed together. But I know that somehow I'll manage to wake up tangled in him. My body simply can't stay away.

"Okay," Jungkook says, sitting up. I hold back an 'I told you so' when he groans in relief and stretches his back. "Do you wanna order room service for dinner?" He asks, sitting down on the bed. I saw a nice restaurant down on the street, but we had a whole week in Italy, and tonight had been more stressful then I intended, so room service it was. "Yeah, I'm gonna take a shower though, so just order what you think I'll like." He nods and I grab fresh clothes from my suitcase and walk into the bathroom.

10 minutes later, I walk out with a towel around my head, dressed in a cream spaghetti top and sweatpants. The smell of lasagna and steak lingers in the air when I step out, and my stomach makes an involuntary noise. Jungkook stands to take his own shower, and I sit back against the headboard, switching through channels on TV as I wait for him.

He comes out in less time than I did, now in a black tee and pyjama shorts. His hair is messy and wet and I get the sudden urge to run my hand through it. I cough to cover up the fact that I'm checking him out, averting my eyes elsewhere. "You didn't have to wait for me, you know." Jungkook says, sitting down on the other side of the bed. "I didn't mind." I say, handing him his plate of lasagna.

We eat, watching the random Italian telenovela playing on the TV that I’ve become engrossed in. Lucia has just been dumped by her long-term boyfriend, Alessandro, who tells her that he is doing this for her. He cups her cheek with his hand, "Amor, I love you more than anything in this world, and if it means seeing you thrive in the arms of another, then I will let you go. You deserve more than I can give you, and I will cherish every moment we had together for the rest of my life." She screams and cries, begging him not to leave her, but he does, with teary eyes, whispering, "I will always love you." I don't realise how deep my frown is until I turn and see Jungkook's worried expression. "Sorry," I stifle a laugh. "Poor Lucia, they were so perfect together." Jungkook hums in agreement at my statement before going quiet again. I don't question it, far too invested in Lucia and Alessandro's love story. By the end of the movie, Alessandro realises that Lucia is the only one for him, and runs to her, confessing his undying love before she unhappily marries someone else. They reunite in a flurry of tears and kisses, and she whispers against his lips, "I can thrive in your arms too,"

At some point we had gotten under the covers, pillow wall in between us as agreed. Jungkook had turned off the lights after brushing his teeth and the credits of the movie plunges us into almost darkness. I turn, and the white light of credits illuminates the tears in Jungkook's eyes. "That was beautiful," He says with a sniff and I grin. Jungkook reaches for the remote and turns the TV off, making the room pitch black. I stare up at the ceiling, unable to stop thinking about the movie. There's something more than just the part of me thats a sucker for romance.

"Hey Jungkook?" I ask into the darkness. After a moment of silence I realise he might be asleep, turning onto my side to follow. "Yeah?" He finally says. I didn't really have anything to say, maybe I just wanted to hear his voice. Or maybe I wanted him to ask if I was thinking the same thing as he was.

"Nothing, goodnight."

 I hear the smile in his voice, even in the dark, when he replies.

⠀

"Goodnight Lina."

⠀

this is actually from my  wattpad archives, i wrote it back in like september and thought i’d post it on tumblr for all you lovelies <3 

❀ taglist: @mwitsmejk @jxoni​

[jade-parcels]

The genshin men: fatherhood edition

With: Childe, Zhongli, Kaeya, Diluc, Xiao, Venti, Albedo and Baizhu

—————————

Childe:

Ajax loves kids and he’ll make that known early on in your relationship

Like...This man wants five or more kids but he’ll settle for four. He dreams of a big family, getting to surround himself with you and your kids every night for family dinners, everyone getting together for big birthday parties or reunions! That’s his dream life! Plus, in Snezhnaya, most families have more than two kids anyways

He will cry so hard when his babies are placed in his arms for the first time, I mean he’s a mess. Nose is running, eyes puffy, lost of sniffling lmao he is so excited to be a dad!! Don’t you dare tell the other Harbingers how much he cried...What do you mean you took a picture when he wasn’t looking??? Hey??!?!

With his obscene amount of mora, he’ll buy a huge house that will accommodate everyone. Anything you want will be purchased that day or within 48 hours, the same goes for the kids

But they’ll all learn to be thankful for what they have. They’ll learn to fight, fish and speak multiple languages. He has high expectations but let’s face it, he’ll be proud of them no matter what

You’re gonna have to be the one to put your foot down though because Ajax doesn’t enjoy being the ‘mean parent’, he has trouble saying no to the kiddos which can create some tension between you and your husband. He has good intentions of course!! He doesn’t wanna say no to those cute, freckled faces!!

Zhongli:

Zhongli is nervous about having kids because he’s immortal. So this will go one of two ways. 1. You have the baby and the baby ends up not being immortal (or you adopt a baby who is not immortal) Then he loses you both. OR 2. You have the baby and it inherits his immortality and becomes an adeptus. Now he and the baby will have to watch you die while they both life forever.

Either way...It hurts him to think about because he loves you!! He wants to have a family with you!! He wants to give you that perfect family life every human desires!! But he’s torn

You two will just have to figure it out.

Zhongli will be a strong, male figure for your kid(s) and he will instill that traditional kindness and respect into their behavior. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ always, always offer to help someone who needs it, do good deeds and you will feel accomplished, be the best you you can be, alway try your hardest because that’s all that matters

He will be sure that your kid(s) always feel loved ALWAYS. Zhongli will tell them stories, cook for them, take them to school, anything that needs to be done. When you’ve had a rough day, he’ll step in to take over for the night without being asked. He shows interest in everything your kid(s) like and he will do his damn best to display every piece of artwork they make or every pretty rock they find

He...will make a great dad :’)

Kaeya:

Ooooh brother, at first Kaeya says no he doesn’t want kids but...Then he starts thinking about it

He observes the happy families that walk around the cobblestone streets of Mondstadt, how the kiddos smile and laugh with their parents. He’ll patrol in the afternoons, usually rounding the corner just in time to see the city’s kids leave school for the day, watching as they all run down the street to go home to their parents or play in the fountain together...Yeah, that really warms his heart

He’d want one or two kids, preferably two to avoid an only child being lonely. He isn’t on the best terms with Diluc but he can admit that they had a great childhood together, playing at the winery and running around as brothers do

Kaeya would be a very patient, understanding father. He doesn’t have much of a temper so he’d use the kids’ mistakes as learning opportunities instead of getting upset at them

He would be obsessed with the kids when they’re babies though oh man if you thought you had baby fever, he has it times ten! He loves holding the baby, watching with a twinkling eye as his baby grasps his thumb with its tiny hand... adorable

And if your kids inherited his eyes, his star shaped pupils that his ancestors passed down to him...He’s gonna get emotional

Everyone at the knights’ headquarters and the Angel’s Share will get sick of him REALLY fast cause he won’t stop bragging about how cute and smart his kids are lmao

Diluc:

Diluc would be such a soft dad don’t even get me started

He loves you so much of course he wants to have kids with you! Is that even a question?? He won’t be the one to bring it up unless he gets the feeling that you want kids but once you ask, he’ll agree so fast

He’ll be grateful to even have one kid with you :’) and he’ll be fine with however many kids YOU want. You want one kid? Perfect! You want four? No problem, the manor is big enough for ten! You...you want ten...? Time to hire some more maids then lmao

Diluc is a worry wart though, he’ll be afraid to hold the baby, feed it, bathe it, he’s terrified of hurting the baby or the baby suddenly hating him. So just help him out!! Cause when he gets comfortable with the baby, he’ll be in full dad mode

He isn’t embarrassed to walk around the manor, conducting business with a baby strapped to his chest!

Diluc is a very kind, gentle dad who will always offer helpful solutions to the kiddos’ problems. He’ll make sure all of their needs are met while also trying to avoid spoiling them... Too much... There will be a fair amount of spoiling...

His own father wasn’t too affectionate with him so that’s why he’ll be affectionate with his kids! Hugs and kisses when he tucks them in at night, big dad hugs when they get home from school, holding their hands in the busy streets of Mondstadt. His father was a great dad! He just aims to be better.

Xiao:

Like Zhongli, he worries about the mortality thing. Since he’s an Adeptus, his kid will certainly be an Adeptus too if you have kids together.

He also worries that his kid(s) will hate him. His duty is to kill demons which means that rain or shine, holidays, special occasions, day or night he’s gotta be ready to go slaughter demonic beings. So he’ll inevitably miss out on important stages in the kiddos’ lives

And admittedly... He’ll be scared of his kids lmao

They’re screaming, crying, barfing, pooping, laughing, screaming again...He can’t predict their behavior. It’s unsettling. All of that goes away one night when you sit him down and place your sleeping baby in his arms. His eyes go wide...And he just watches. This tiny, little baby...Feels no fear for him. It’s comforted by his presence. He almost cries...ALMOST

He’s still pretty much the same Xiao we all know and love but now he has a kid. “Slaying demons is what I do...Hey, go back inside and finish your dinner. Yes, even your vegetables. I don’t care that you don’t like them-...Fine. Don’t tell your mother, bring them to me. I’ll eat them” cute :)

He’s a protective dad and husband, he’d never let anyone or anything harm his beloved family

Venti:

Venti....does not want kids. He thinks they’re cute! He likes the idea of kids but he knows he wouldn’t enjoy actually having kids

You two already have so much fun together!! You don’t need a kid!! You guys have dogs!! Dogs are like kids! But they’re more independent and they’re cuter!

He’ll feel bad if you want kids and he doesn’t, he really will! But it’ll be nearly impossible to convince him cause he’s made his mind up :/

Venti’ll make it up to you somehow though, he’ll take you out more and show you all of the adventures you guys can have if there aren’t kids around

But for the sake of fatherhood headcanons, let’s pretend he gave in. Venti would be a very caring dad. He would cuddle the hell out of this kiddo and sing to them :’) the only problem is that Venti doesn’t like being tethered to one place for too long so he tends to take off and not come back for a few days... :(

Albedo:

Albedo wants kids mostly just to see what fatherhood would be like. He’s always been curious about what that part of his life would be like so why not have a kid

He’d be good with one kid, two at most cause after practically raising Klee, he knows how some kids can be and...He doesn’t have the mental capacity for more than two kids at a time lmao

He tries his best to show more emotion in his face. We all know he usually sits like this 😐 and goes ‘wow im so happy right now’. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was bored out of his mind right? So he’s gotta work on that. And when he musters up a smile for the baby and it smiles back at him????? Yeah...He’s gonna try to smile a lot more now

He definitely softens up once he becomes a dad, he shows emotion more than he used to and surprisingly, he takes time off of work. Shocker, I know! He decides that he’s been in the lab long enough and that he wants to be able to be there for these moments with you and his kid(s) :’) :’) He trusts Sucrose and Timaeus to take over for him for a couple hours

He keeps a journal for each kid and writes down the date and time they have their firsts or just interesting things they do ->

- 8/4: Baby sees and plays with a cat for the first time

- 9/5: Baby smacked me in the face and laughed so hard she threw up

-9/12: Baby learns that pulling my hair gets my attention. She now continues to do so

-10/15: Baby stays at Aunt Klee’s house for the first time

Baizhu:

Baizhu really loves kids, he works with them a lot and he considers Qiqi to be his daughter anyway but in terms of you guys having a kid together, with his condition he can probably only handle one kid running around

He will do his absolute best to be a good dad. Even if he feels like death, he’ll help change diapers, feed the baby, care for it when you need a break. He isn’t contagious so when you’re sleeping and he feels gross, he’ll sit back against the pillows with the baby on his chest, the three of you resting together (though he doesn’t fall asleep...that would be dangerous for the baby)

Baizhu already tends to nag at you about your health and lifestyle choices but now?? He’ll be a menace. He’ll be constantly evaluating your baby’s condition, checking to see if a certain food is giving them a rash or making sure their skin isn’t drying out. He’s hyper aware of your baby’s health and will be the one to treat them if they get sick

He’s a busy guy since he runs the pharmacy but he will always do his best to be present for your baby’s big milestones! And when your kid cries cause Baizhu’s medicine tastes like shit, he’ll do his best to not be disappointed in their reaction lmao

When you leave him alone with the baby, he’ll wrap a scarf around himself to tie the baby to his chest while he works and...he looks so cute :) dad baizhu <3 <3 <3 <3

Bonus points for him buying the baby toy medical equipment so he can get your kiddo interested in medicine :)

[iwadori]

When they neglect you for another girl Part 4 (Sakusa)

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five

Word Count: 2.6K

Genre: Angst to Fluff

masterlist

AN: YES I DID PUT MYSELF IN THIS STORY! SUE ME. This is basically inspired by a random conversation i had w the great @teesumu, so this is basically for you doll <3

Sakusa:

You and Sakusa have been together for a around 10 years and love eachother immensly.    

However recently Sakusa has been busy and you havent really had much time together lately as he claims been busy doing loads of visits with his new agent.

But of course, being the loving partner you are you wanted to revive the spark in your relationship.

You have been seeing a lot of people on social media posting their aesthetic ‘picnic dates,’ and you knew that this was something that appealed to you before it was ‘on trend.’ Kiyoomi immediately came to your mind once you had the idea of going on a date. You knew that you haven’t be around each other lately, as Kiyoomi always had either a ‘meeting’ or some sort of ‘interview’ that his new agent “Empress” has set up for him.

You didn’t really know Empress that well, just that she was ‘good at her job,’ a ‘hard and dilligent worker,’ and a ‘raging hottie’ with Atsumu’s opinion being the last one. You weren’t suspecting her to have any malicious intent towards you or Kiyoomi, since you knew that he had a great judge of character. But it was just odd, that every time Kiyoomi was running late or having ‘super-secret’ conversations on the phone it was always because ‘my agent set up this,’ ‘my agent set up that,’ and that’s what left you a bit wary.

As you were scrolling through your phone you see a calendar updating saying : Next Week‘ A DECADE AGO WE FELL IN LOVE.’  

10 years. How could you forget? You and Omi have literally been together for a decade. You think back to the decade of madness and love you’ve been through together, smiling fondly to yourself but then you think about where you are now... barely even talking to each other, only mainly seeing him when he comes home from work.

You need to fix this. Or at least make an attempt to get you and Kiyoomi talking again. So, the only thing you can do, is plan that picnic.

You spent the rest of the day planning your anniversary picnic. ’It’s going to be great,’ you think to yourself, you have a list of all Omi’s favorite foods you're going to make him and bring and you are probably going to pick up a few board games and maybe even get some paint supplies. You and Kiyoomi used to paint a lot together, with the two of you not being the best of painters, but you enjoyed eachothers company non the less.  

Everything was sorted...for the most part. All you needed to do was get Omi there, and it’ll all be okay. Right? As you were bubbling and looking for more picnic inspo, you hear your front door open which made you even more excited to tell your boyfriend your plans.  

As you rush to go greet him, you see he’s on the phone making you roll your eyes. “No Empress it won’t work, we need this sorted by next week. Okay? Next week.” he says in an agitated way. He hangs up the phone and sighs, shoving off his duffel bag.

“Hey Omi, how was your day?” you say a bit hesitant, noticing his annoyed mood.  

“Fine” He said dismissively, aiming to walk past you aiming for your bedroom.

“Oh well I have something amazing planned for ne-” you try to say following after him.

“Can we not do this right now Y/N,” he says again turning too look at you making you frown a bit, all you wanted to do is surprise him with your plans and have a day out with him. After noticing your sad look he finishes with “it’s just that Empress she’s bee-”

“I don’t want to hear about her.” you say bitterly folding your arms, Empress is the last person you want to hear about right now “God Omi can’t you just care about me? For once.”

“I do I-”

“You don’t anymore,” you say, with all the emotions and feelings you’ve been just supressing from a while coming up. You don’t even know how you got from point A to B with this conversation, but there's no stopping now. “I feel that, for a while now we haven’t been how we were before when we were just Y/N and Kiyoomi. Instead of how we are now. Just Y/N. Then Kiyoomi and Empress.”

After hearing his agents name, Kiyoomi’s name contorts to confusion “Empress? What does she have to do with anything?”

“How can you not see? For the past month all it’s been is ‘Empress this’ ‘Empress that,’” you complain “Having your super secret conversations with her, like god Kiyoomi can’t you see a problem with this?”  

“It’s not like that Y/N, we’re just work partners” he says looking a bit annoyed “Just business.”

 “Just business? So Kiyoomi, what were you talking about on the phone earlier” you say with your voice slight accusingly.

“Umm I, I can’t really say?” he says more of a question then a fully assured statement. You squint your eyes at him and scoff.

“What is going on with you Omi?” you say “are you cheating on me with her is that it?”

“No, no of course not Y/N! How could you even ask that?” he frowned at your question making your chest hurt, since deep down you knew he could never do that to you. Could he?

“Well tell me then, what were you talking about?” you ask again.

“I can’t say..” he finishes  

“Well I can’t stay.” you say and his face goes back to confusion “Here. With you.”

“What do you mean Y/-”

“I need a break or something. I just can’t be here right now.” You start to rush and pack a big of things whilst Kiyoomi just stands there.

After you pack up your stuff, you look back and see Kiyoomi just there. Standing. You were upset, you kind of wanted him to rush after you and beg you not to leave, but he was just there. Standing. So you put the hand on the door and just before you leave you turn back and say “bye Sakusa, see you later?” to which you see him slightly nod at.

When the door shut, Kiyoomi starts to cry. After hearing you call him by his last name really twisted the knife that was already in his heart. You haven’t called him that since you were like 15. He knew what you wanted; he knew you wanted him to rush towards you and beg you not to leave, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. But what he could do is call the one person he only could call.

After a few rings, he hears “What do you need Saku?”  

“She’s gone, she left.”

“What do you mean she’s gone, did you tell her?”  

“No I didn’t tell her. And that’s the problem, Empress she think-”

“Saku, don’t worry about it. I’ll handle it.”

“You’ll handle it?”

“Don’t I always?”

He couldn’t argue with that, he just had to trust that Empress could sort it. “And also, don’t spend the week with your head up your ass crying, you’ve got a lot of grovelling to do kiddo.”

He nodded even though she couldn’t see him, as he knew that what just went down needed to be resolved, fast.

Meanwhile, on your end. You’re a mess. Sobbing all the time, tissues are your best friend, you’ve been waiting just waiting for a message or a call, or some form of communication. You just wanted to feel wanted by your boyfriend (can you even call him that now.)  

You spent the rest of the week at your parents, immersing yourself in your work and doing ‘self care’ things, trying to forget all about the argument you and Kiyoomi had.  

One day, you receive a letter, it wasn’t delivered by a mail man though. It was slid under your door, in a golden envelope sealed with a red hot wax seal. It read:

‘Dear Y/N,

My sweetheart, im sorry for how the week has been and I know a letter with only a fraction of how I feel won’t make up for how I acted that day. But im inviting you to join me at the Gardenia Botanical Gardens at 2 pm tommorow, to celebrate our 10 year anniversary.  

I know there is a big chance, you may not want to see me and I understand but please. I love you, so so much, that words can’t even describe. But I need you to see me apologise and I need to make it up to you.  

I hope to see you there, I’d wait the whole day for you. If you don’t show, I understand.

Sincerely, Sakusa Kiyoomi

P.S The theme is ‘summer hot day, tea with the queen’ - Atsumu’

You smile at the letter, but wonder if you should actually go or not. You did want to see him of course and get this all resolved, but you had your own plans for your anniversary which wouldn’t of been spoiled if he didn’t withhold his super-secret phone calls.

It took you hours to contemplate on what to do, but you decided to just sleep on it and see how you feel tomorrow. In the morning, you knew what you wanted to do. Of course, you had to go, at least to hear him out and see if he really did cheat on you or not. For all you know he’s inviting you to tell you that he’s going to run away with his agent and his secret kids they had together. You shook the negative thoughts from your head and just repeated your mantra ‘hope for the best and prepare for the worst.’

When you got there, you didn’t exactly know where he would be but he said ‘botanical gardens’ so of course you decided to just wander around there. It was nice walking around and just smelling the roses, and seeing the pretty scenery.  

“Excuse me ma’am,” you hear someone say tugging on your leg “um that mister over there told me to give you these.” Looking down, you see a small boy who looked about the age of four with a crumpled up bunch of roses handing them to you.

“Oh thank you,” you say giving the kid a head pat “where is this ‘mister’ might I ask?”

“He’s over there!” The kid pointed behind him and you look to see Kiyoomi sitting under a white gazebo which is surrounded in your favorite flowers and the table is filled with food.

You walk over to your ‘boyfriend,’ with him not noticing your present yet. When you reach him you say “I think she stood you up buddy,” you joke making him jump abit startled.

“Y/N!” he exclaimed, instantly beaming “You came you made it!” he stood up and pulled you into a hug, which you return before you remember why you came here in the first place.

“Oh I-” he says awkwardly

You decide to sit down pulling him down with you. You kind of sit there in uncomfortable silence, for a while until you both say.

“So I-”

“What are yo-”

You both laughed at your simultaneous comments, before Kiyoomi looks at you letting you speak. “What did you want to bring me here for?”

“I didn’t want, what happened last week to happen Y/N I-” he says looking a bit panicked “It wasn’t supposed to go this way.”

“Then how was it meant to go Sakusa.”

“Y/N, please don’t call me that, I know I made you upset but pleas-” he starts before getting distracted again “Y/N, I called you here to say a few things..”

“Them being.?” you ask a bit impatiently.

“I love you. I love you so much, you don’t even understand. Ever since I saw you at my volleyball game in our first year, in the stands just cheering us on. I knew that from that day, after I scored the winning point and our eyes met, that we were destined to be together. I just love you so much Y/N”

“Omi I don’t understand I-”

“Just let me finish please, It’s taken a while for me to say this. And trust me, there’s been so many times when I wanted to just say ‘hey Y/N let’s get married,’ but I couldn’t I was scared, and I wanted it to be perfect, so perfect. Because you deserve the world Y/N. That’s why I got Empress to help, I know that our conversations may seem odd, but I love you and she knows that she just wanted to help trust me. And she did, all this wouldn’t of been done if it wasn’t for her. But anyways Y/N what I waned to say was I love you and I love you and I-” he rambles on loosing track of his words.  

But in the midst of his speech, you hear all that you needed and responded with the only way you can.

“Yes.” you say simply, with a growing smile on your face.

“Yes?” he repeats confused “What do you meann ye- ohhh" Kiyoomi blushes embarrased that after all that he ended up ruining the thought out proposal he wanted to give you with his ramble.

“Im sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean to say it like that I wanted it to be perfect and I-”

You shut him up with a kiss making his eyes widen as he reciprocates it anyways.  

“What did she say?” you hear someone shout from a far, and you look over to see the MSBY Jackals all standing there with shit eating grins on their faces.

“I said yes!” you yell back, to which they all cheer and rush towards you guys giving you both hugs and slapping Kiyoomi on the back.  

As the boys celebrate Omi finnally do what he’s been planning for ages, you get approached by Empress who awkwardly walks up to you. “ I didn’t want to leave the impression that me and Saku were any sort of thing?” she says

“Yeah I think it was definitely a big misunderstanding, it’s just that Omi was never around and whenever he was he was just talking to you and you know how it is.”

“I definitely know, I’d feel the same way if my boyfriend did that to me.”

“Oooh boyfriend?” you ask her feeling nosey on her romantic life.  

“Yeah boyfriend. You know iwaizumi hajime... the trainer?” she says smiling a bit when she said his name.

“The trainer! Nice.”

The rest of the night was fun and was basically an engagement party for you and Omi all you and friends just partying and celebrating yours and Omi’s love for each other. “Omi” you say getting his attention “Happy ten year anniversary babe”

“Happy anniversary, I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

After the party you spend your months now planning for a big fat wedding, with the help of your new found bestie, Empress (who you obviously misjudged from the start.) You and Omi could never be happier, every thing was back to how it was before, maybe even better. And you definitely spent at least two Saturdays a month going out for picnics and it was now a tradition in your relationship, so in the end you did get your ‘aesthetic picnic date.’

AN: WHAT DID U GUYS THINK??

[maizumis]

— HAIKYUU BOYS HAVING A TEA PARTY WITH YOUR DAUGHTER

ft. timeskip!miya atsumu, bokuto koutaro, oikawa tooru, kuroo tetsuro, iwaizumi hajime

note: female reader ‼️ watch me write about dad!haikyuu all the moments I didn't have with my own sperm donor

MIYA ATSUMU after a long day at work, you were coming home a little more late than usual and as you were opening the door with a sigh, the first thing you listen is “PEASANT, DO NOT TOUCH THE QWEEN CWON”, yeah that’s definitely your daughter and your pretty sure that the “peasant” is your, oh so-called husband. Curiosity took the best of you, now you were behind your daughter’s door listen carefully what atsumu was saying to her, “WHATYA MEANT PEASANT? I WANNA WEAR A CROWN TOO YA KNOW!” your daughter gasps in disbelieve, “daddy, mom is da queen, I’m da princess and yer the peasant! And clearly, mommy isn’t here so don’t touch her cwon!” One thing you know is that you wouldn’t like to see and hear a screaming match between the peasant and the princess in question, thinking that stepping in is the best option, you said “what’s the matter in here?”, next thing you know, your daughter with his big brown eyes that she got from her father, comes running at you, screaming “momm- I mean queen! Yeah, queen! yer just on time for the tea party, this peasant needs to learn some manners” you picked her up, enjoying the way her little arms go around your neck, “yeah? What did dada do this time?” while her face is on your neck, she tells you with a whisper “psss mom, he is not dad now, remember is tea party time” and now with her voice a little more loud she announces to you what he did “he wanted to use ya cwon!  Literally had to scream at him cause of that! Peoples this time are onbelivabol” the las part coming with a sigh, “ugh I now right? Why don’t we teach him some manners then?” After a little thinking, your daughter tells you “uh-huh! Yer right my queen, now I will leave to the bathroom and come back to continue this celebration”. While she leaves, atsumu comes at you with a back hug asking if ya really taking her side? with a low tone, so you replied with “of course I’m taking her side, she’s a child, our child in fact” atsumu looks at you with big eyes and tells you “she is right, people these times are onbelivabol but I still love you my queen”, now facing him, noses and foreheads touching each other you whisper to him “I love you to my peasant” and after a little chuckle you continue “thank you so much for this”.

 BOKUTO KOUTAROU he always had tea parties with his daughter on Mondays after his volleyball practice with the MSBY. He couldn’t go to last week's party because of an away game, and he was devasted and promised her little princess that he would get her something. Now he is coming home from the airport with three Elsa dresses, one for his precious child, the other for his precious wife, and the last one for him, it was very difficult to find one of his size cause of his beefy body, but if he promises his little girl something, he is gonna make it without a doubt. “HEY HEY HEY! GUESS WHOS HOME” he screams while putting his suitcase down “HEY HEY HEY DADDY! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH! MOMMY IS MAKING DINNER WHILE I PREPARED OUR SUPER DUPER EXTRA TEA PARTY!!” he picks her up with one arm, making his way to the kitchen to involve you in a hug with the arm he had free “we missed you, kou” snuggling into his neck, and while his arm tightens around you he replies with a soft tone “missed my two girls too, so much” he puts her daughter on the floor again and tells her “missy I have a surprise for our tea party, why don’t you finish the preparations and then mom and I are gonna go there with dinner? Sounds good?” whit a little nod she answers with “yeah dada, that sounds good”. After hearing her enter her room you ask your husband what did he get for her, and when he tells you he didn’t get one, not two but three princess dresses you’re over the moon, the fuck you’re going to do with three dresses? you don’t question him and keep cooking as if you wouldn’t have to put on a frozen show in less than half an hour. “BABY IM COMING TO YOUR ROOM WITH HOT FOOD, BE CAREFULL” the little girl sees you in all your glory, with the most beautiful Elsa dress she ever saw “MAMA, WHY YOU DIDNT TOLD ME ELSA LET YOU BORROW HER DRESS? YOU'RE SO PWETTY!” laughing a little at her comment you decide that it was the best to tell her is a secret between adults, excited to see her reaction when her dad comes to her room with the same dress on him and a little one for her. “IM COMING IN!” your husband yells and your daughter’s eyes are the bigger you ever saw them, running like the flash to steal the dress that was in his dad's hands. “Daddy, that dress is so pwetty on you, and there's one for me! We are all matching! And now we are gonna have our four curse, ugh no, cruse, ump corse, mommy how do I say it?”, “course darling, four meal course. Now dada, why don’t you come to eat with us this fancy dinner?” after nodding and making his way to the both of you, bokuto thinks he is gonna ask for another kid one of these days.

[barzzal]

between halls and thin walls → part four

summary: friends who fool around almost never works. almost.

↳ pairing: mathew barzal x you

↳ warnings: idiots, that’s all <3

↳ genre: fluff, angst, smut, roommates au, best friend’s best friend, friends with benefits, 18+

↳ length: series; part one, part two, part three, part four (6.7k), part five, part six

↳ masterlist: the barn

↳ track: my favorite part by mac miller, addicted by jorja smith, someone to spend time with by los retros

note: finally got myself to update this fic oml zzz quick psa tho, this will now be a six-part series! hope that’s okay and yenno as always, would love to hear what you think about this (validate me in the tags pls im lonely) happy reading babes! <3

“Yo, grandma. Haven’t you had too much tea to drink?” his voice echoes in the room as soon as he walks into it. You carefully set the cup down on the dining table and looked at him exasperatedly. 

“Haven’t you had too much care to give?” you snark back, earning yourself a disappointed look from him. 

“Really, y/n? That’s the best you’ve got?” he shakes his head at your appalling retort.  What a shame.

You were good at pissing him off to be fair. You just weren’t in the mood to throw teases back and forth especially now that you’re feeling particularly vulnerable.

The week has been far too dreadful for you and you know that you’re willing to grovel your way into the weekend to finally have the time to slack off, not worry about taking a bath, and just go crazy with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

However, just like always, Mathew seems to never run out of ways to get on your nerves. 

He carelessly puts his stuff on the table, causing a fairly loud thud on the surface. 

You let out a deep breath, massaging your temple. 

“Somebody’s cranky.” he grins. Not necessarily the kind you’d want to see from him. 

You try to ignore him for a few minutes but you can’t help noticing how his build easily took over much of the space you’ve already been occupying. You irkingly look up at him, closing the book you were reading. You meet Mat’s eyes who just innocently looked back into yours. Waiting. Possibly plotting on yet another sophisticated way to toy with you.

“You’re a child.” you roll your eyes and return to your reading. He says nothing and instead rests his chin atop his enclasped hands, continuing to bother you with his ridiculously beguiling eyes. He presses his lips together before sighing dramatically. 

“What?” you snap, finally shutting your book down as you look at him. 

“I wanna go out.” he looks up at you in an effort to make his huge physique smaller than it really was. 

“Then go out. You’re a big boy.” you breathe. 

“You just said that I’m a child.” he coos, mimicking a five-year-old’s voice. 

“Stop that.” you glare at him. Mat props himself back and laughs, “Come on. I’m bored.” 

You open your book again just as you reply in a tone that Mat’s getting used to hearing. “Boredom doesn’t give you the right to pester me, Barzal.” 

And as an exchange, he speaks in the same tone rather mockingly, “And so is that attitude, Y/L/N.” 

“Come on, y/n. Let’s go out.” he now pleads, looking up at you with what seems to be his worst impression of a ‘puppy eye’.

“Fine.” you finally concede and you see Mat’s beaming smile instantly. 

“Where’d you want to go?” you ask as you take your reading glasses off.

“Dunno.” He shrugs, obviously teasing. 

On the edge of being irritated, you say, “Are you kidding me?”

“Grandma.” he mumbles before saying, “Do you have anything you want to do? And please don’t say book hunt.”

You suppress a smile and maintain your composure. “I’m craving for pancakes right now but I also wanna drink. Go to a bar or something.”

He nods in agreement. Already stitching his game plan.

“We can do both.”  he bobs his all too fine brows.

He didn’t have a hard time getting you on board with his spontaneity. You actually haven’t gone out in a while and the thought of a possible night out doesn’t seem to be so bad of an idea.

You’ve been with Mat to parties and while the two of you don’t mingle as much as the other guys did, he does know his way around the club. The dance floor, however, he tries. He really does.

For about an hour Mathew waited patiently in the living room as he scrolled endlessly on instagram liking a few photos and laughing at posts the fans tag him occasionally. His eyes were peeled away from the screen when he heard the door to your room click. His irises trail onto your body even if he didn’t plan to originally. 

Mathew, albeit dressed simply in his black turtleneck sweater and a beige overcoat exudes just about the right ‘swag’ (as per how he puts it) to stop you in your stupor. Although what you didn’t know was how you weren’t any different in his eyes. You were dressed quite nicely in a black lace bodysuit with a pair of blackpants accentuated by the black boots you usually wear on a night out. Your coat was slung on your forearm whilst you held your clutch purse in your hand so you could close the door with the other. 

“What?” you blink just as you look down to eye yourself. Feeling a tad self-conscious under his gaze.

Mat immediately breaks it off. He clears his throat, pretending to wipe off the non-existent dust on the accent table. 

“What?” he mirrors with an arched brow.

You shrug off his demeanor, snatching your keys from the accent table before putting it in your purse. 

“Have you called a lyft already?” he nods, absentmindedly scratching his temple. 

“You ready? You look— decent.” He says, trying to act casual and distant when he gives you the compliment.

Not noticing the unfamiliar look his eyes had, you return the compliment and say,  “And so do you. Good job for not looking like you came straight out of an H&M catalogue.” you wink at him with a grin. A thing which was then reciprocated by a deadpan look on his end. 

Before he could even come up with yet another clever way to come at you, you start walking towards the door, looking at him once as you motion the way by curling your finger.

“Haul ass, buddy.”

𖥸

10:15 PM 

Mat decided to bring you to the usual place he goes to when he wants to be alone and just enjoy a couple of beers while he chats with River, the bartender he eventually befriends after years spent drinking in solitude. 

The bar had a rustic feel filled with wine barrels in the corner of the room. The seats were leather (mind you, it wasn’t the kind that gets easily worn out through time) and everything looked new to you regardless of all the vintage stuff displayed articulately on the brick wall. A turntable was set on the table stacked with vinyl records, most of which were from the 70s to 80s underneath.

It was obvious that it wasn’t the kind people would know about. Aside from it being located at such a secluded street leading to the suburbs, it wasn’t the type of bar kids would want to hang out in. It only had a few customers and most of them wore suits and came with company. No one really gave a hoot when you walked in with Mathew, aka, the face of the New York Islanders. Which is basically the reason why Mat kept coming back to the place. He felt comfortable and at peace. Almost in retrospect to being at home hanging with his father. 

“I can’t believe this place exists.” you say, mouthing your thanks to River as he hands you both of your drinks. The man that’s definitely aged like fine wine smiles, nodding his head over to Mat who was doing the same before he headed back to mix another set of drinks. 

“Me neither.” he grins, reminiscing about the time he’s found the small pub by accident. 

“This place looks expensive though.” you whisper, making Mathew laugh. 

“Well, it kinda is.” he sheepishly chuckles. “River’s filthy rich.”

“Is he really?” your mouth falls and you look back over the build of the old man. The way his salt and pepper hair was neatly slicked back makes quite a compelling case for what Mat had just said. 

Mat eventually explains who he was. Apparently, he was just another bored fancy man who happened to love making people drop dead and drunk with his over the top mixes. His dark deep set brown eyes are quite of a crowd favourite too. Case in point, the group of ladies seated from across you and Mathew.

“Hey.” you absentmindedly call on Mat who had just sipped on his drink. “I know what we should do.”

“All right.” he puts the glass down, “Lay it on me.”

“Let’s fix you up with one of the girls over there.” you suggest, leaning towards his body so you could get a better view upfront. Mat does not move and instead follows your finger subtly pointing at the other end of the room.

“What’s with the sudden fixation of getting me bagged tonight, huh?” he smirks, shaking his head at the idea of having to go home with some random girl. You give him a side eye as you move away from him. 

“Fixation is an overstatement. We’ll be here long enough for us to get sick of each other.” you explicitly told him. 

Mat eyes you intently. Searching if there was even the slightest doubt in your eyes. 

Long enough to get sick of each other. 

He clears his throat instead and looks across the room. “Which one?”

A gleeful cheer erupts from you just before you look over the girls in question. “What’s your type?” you ask him, not sparing a glance.

Mat looks down on you underneath the bar lights accentuating your features. Your eyes had a certain glint in them that Mat still can’t get a grasp on. Something that was just enough to spark something inside him. He didn’t want to overthink it nonetheless. It must have been just the lights. 

Once Mat sensed that you were about to look at him he immediately turned his gaze forward, squinting his eyes a little pretending to check out the women you’ve been eyeing for the last minute. 

“I don’t really have a type.” he shrugs, casually taking the fragile glass to his mouth. 

You dismiss what he said at once, “Do I look like a child to you? Just answer it.”

Mat shakes his head, “I told you. I don’t have one. If we vibe then we vibe. Simple as that.” 

You did not believe him but you decide to drop it off. Instead, you look back and return to your new found mission. Across the bar, seated were three girls busy talking to each other. 

“Got it.” you tell Mat, nodding your head towards the clueless girl sitting right across from where Mathew was. “The one in the center.” you add. “The one wearing a white bodycon.”

“She’s pretty.” he nods, validating your taste as his potential wingman. “Nice smile.”

Your hand met a firm slap on the table as you went on cheering for him. “Well? Go then!” you give him a nudge, taking it back quickly when you feel a slight hesitation on his part, “Don’t tell me you need me to introduce you?”

He takes the remainder of his glass and shaked off the kick it had in his throat. “You just sit and watch, babe.”

You do as you’re told and lean towards the bar, your elbow carrying all your weight whilst you sip on your half-full martini. 

Mathew’s stance and the way he carries himself immediately caused the girls to notice him coming. Of course, you weren’t really surprised. You watch him approach her,– reading along the words leaving his mouth. There was an exchange of proper ‘hello’s’ as Mat introduced himself to the girls. He reaches out his hand and the curly noirette in the center gives him a firm shake. 

Mat’s eyes momentarily locked with yours just as you see their hands linger in the air— tangled long enough for him to make a quick segway. He winks your way as he sees you grin from your seat, shaking your head just after you felt the need to take a deep breath. A thing you assumed to be because of the drink. So, while Mat leads the girl to one of the empty booths and sits across from her, you call on River and ask for another drink. 

Mathew must have lost track of time by the second drink he shared with Zoe. He learns that she’s from upstate and was just on the island to visit her friends. She’s still working on her major at NYU; coincidentally in the same field as Lianna so that was one of the things they’ve talked about first hand. She wasn’t really into sports so Mat steered clear of his job because he didn’t want to bore her. 

“So…” Zoe smiles and tucks her hair behind her ear. “What’s the deal with you and the girl you’re with?” 

By the time she asked about you, only then did Mat remember who he was originally with. 

“Oh! She’s—” he looks over to where you’re seated only to find you laughing— no giggling with a man that was obviously a few years older than you. He’s wearing a neat black suit and a button down shirt with a couple of its first buttons opened. Zoe sees him frown, evidently losing his train of thought. 

She calls him with her sweet voice, “Mat?” 

“Yeah?” he absentmindedly answers, not wanting to take his eyes off of your hand that was now gently pushing the man’s arm whilst the two of you continue to burst into laughter. 

“Are you okay?” she asks.

What’s so funny? 

Finally, Mat hears Zoe’s distant voice that eventually took him back to his seat.

“Oh. Y-Yeah.” he apologetically smiles. “Sorry. What were you saying again?” 

She hesitates to ask about you after taking a quick glance your way upon seeing the way Mathew looked at you. Nevertheless, she decides to go for it.

“Aren’t you two together? I don’t want to come off strong here or anything. It’s just that I don’t want to get in between something if there ever is.” 

Mat looks at you one more time and as if you’ve felt his eyes all along you turn your way and meet his gaze. You shoot him a quiet smile, eyeing the guy sitting beside you, mouthing what he assumes to be an exaggerated “So hot!” on your end. He reciprocates your smile and gives you an approving nod.

Once you looked away, that’s the only time Mat finally answered the woman waiting patiently for his attention. 

“What?” Mat shakes his head wildly, blowing out air off his lips defensively. “No no no. We’re just friends. She’s my roommate actually.” he shrugs you off his mind and instead tries to put his entire focus on her. 

The remaining hours were spent with you and Mat getting along with your respective potential hook-ups. Not that it wasn’t the endgame either of you were hoping for at the back of your minds. 

He’s got to admit that Zoe was the kind of girl he’d be interested in. Another fact he’s kept a mental tab not to mention to you because he knows you’ll just get cocky. 

She was sweet and obviously eloquent. He knows she’s way smarter than he’ll ever be. But out of all those qualities, she was just as passionate at her craft as someone he likes to think he knows well enough. And that alone made a small smile creep on his lips. 

Nonetheless, despite all the aforementioned, Mathew found himself a bit more reserved than he usually is whenever he gets to meet and talk to his potential ‘lady friends’ as how you’ve put it countless times. He just wasn’t his exact self.  And he was beginning to question it. 

There were no fancy hockey plays thrown subtly into the conversation. Neither mentions of golfing nor over the top league events.  No butchered french pet names swiftly tucked in his sentences. And no endless questions that would eventually lead to something along the lines of ‘Do you want to get out of here?’

Well, not until Zoe’s friends got up their seats and she told him herself. 

“Hey. The girls and I are meeting up with some friends in Brooklyn. D’ya wanna come?” 

Mat’s eyes trail down to her hand now gently caressing his. He raises both his brows thinking of a possible ‘out’ because he wasn’t sure if it was a smart thing to leave you alone with a stranger. 

He hums, “Sure.” 

Zoe shows him a delighted smile before eventually sliding out of the booth to walk towards the bar she and her friends were formally seated. 

“I gotta use the restroom first. Please excuse me.” she gives him a nod before going back to chatting with her friends. 

You, on the other hand, see Mat leave the table aiming for an archway you presume to be where the loo was. 

“Hey,” you call the man whose name you’ve already forgotten. Your pause was long enough for him to acknowledge the chances that you actually did forget who he was. Obviously.

“Chris.” The man in his early 30s answers with a submitting grin. 

You shyly laugh, squeezing his forearm as you try to apologize for forgetting. 

“Would you mind if I use the restroom?” you politely ask. 

“No, not at all.” he replies and immediately stands to help you get on your feet. Gentleman. 

Once you are in front of the men’s room, you anxiously wait for your wingman. You hug your purse close to your chest. Not a whole minute after, the door finally opens and you meet Mat’s irises with quite a gleeful look. 

A look he wasn’t a fan of for he knew what’s about to come next. 

“Are you taking off?” you eagerly ask, almost hopping on your feet. 

Mat eyes you from head to toe, looking for signs that would stink from a drunk y/n. When he sees none, that’s when he decides to say that he was. 

“Mkay good. I’ll be on my way too. Chris is taking me to New Jersey.” you tell him, briefly looking through the archway to see if there were people listening.

Once you know you’re clear, you lean towards Mat, your lips dangerously close to the sensitive skin of his ear. Mat feels your heated breath sending a familiar tingle up his spine. “I’ll get to ride a yacht tonight.” you bite your lower lip and giddily smile as if you were a cheeky 16 year-old usually depicted in a coming of age movie. 

“Who’s Chris?” Mat, in spite of taking rounds observing you all night, finds the need to ask. “And why are you coming with him to NJ?” he further questions. 

“Uh– okay, dad.” you step back for a second. You let out a scoff, checking if he was being serious about it. “I thought we’re supposed to go get laid tonight? Weren’t you about to take off with that girl yourself?” 

Mat averts your gaze and starts to scratch the corner of his brow. “Well yeah. It’s just that— he looks sketchy.” he pauses, “plus… isn’t he a little too old for you?” 

You roll your eyes as you’ve already expected to hear the words from him. 

“He’s 31. He’s not that old.” you say rather defensively so you turn the ball back on his court. “And what if he was?  Didn’t you ask one of the moms out??”

Mat’s eyes widens and you try to bite back a laugh. He whispers with a biting tone, trying to save himself. “She didn’t look like one! I’m gonna kill Beau I swear to god.”

“Come on Barz. Don’t be such a killjoy. Text me if you need anything, okay? Wrap things up while you’re at it.” you say at once. Mat doesn’t get the chance to talk you out of such a stupid idea because before he even could, you’ve already planted a kiss on his cheek and started walking away. 

Mat waited for the sound of the heavy doors of the bar, signaling that you and your friend have gone, before stepping back to where Zoe was. She waves him near the coat closet. 

“Hi.” Mat greets her friends before eventually turning his attention on the unsuspecting lass. She meets her with a smile (just like what she’s been doing all night). The same smile, however, drops the second Mat opens his mouth. “Can I talk to you for a sec?” 

Zoe nods and willfully abides, letting Mat take her gently by the arm. 

“What’s up?” she innocently asks. 

“Something came up.” he says a little too fast than what he’d originally intended. He was going to let her down either way might as well get it over with and rip up the asshole band-aid. 

“Oh.” she says in a tone Mat knew that she completely understood. 

“No worries.” she looks at him with a knowing look in her eyes. “I’ll see you around then.” 

He gives her a kind smile and nods. “Take care.” 

Mathew walks towards the bar, catching River’s teasing grin whilst he cleans up after the bottles left on the center of the counter. 

“What?” Mat reacts defensively, taking a seat in front of the lone bartender. River faintly shakes his head to leave just enough curiosity in Mathew’s mind. 

“You’re such a tool, old man.” the kid says aiming for the cold beer River has put away for himself. River did not mind because he’s grown fond of the star player for the past years he’s spent going on late night drinks at his bar. Years that even justifies a proper amount of time for him to know the in’s and out’s of one Mathew Barzal. 

“I haven’t said a thing.” he shrugs amidst the already wide grin on his face. 

There’s wisdom in his eyes that Mathew has always admired. He wasn’t the guy who’d want to talk about what’s going on inside his head but with how River’s pub seems to be just the right place, he eventually concedes and takes a shot to pick on the old man’s brain.

“Come on, spill it out. I know you’re going to anyway.” Mat gives in, running his thumb on the moist label of the bottle. 

River wipes his hands before resting it atop the counter. “Well, it’s just that– I ain’t used to seeing you turn down ladies like that too often. And you’re definitely not one to stick around watching me clean up.”

Mat stays silent for a moment, as if to gather the exact reason as to why he chose to stay. He still has a long way to go before figuring that one out. He wasn’t exactly as sharp as he was on the ice.

“I don’t know, man.” he chuckles tirelessly, “I guess I wasn’t in the mood. That’s all.”

“You?” River shots a brow and dismisses him, shaking his head. When Mat doesn’t answer, he carefully picks on his choice of words and lays it down carefully for him. After all, Mathew should have known that River was old enough to not know what’s going on.

“Though I gotta be honest with you, hijo. Never imagined you’d bring someone here.” he starts. 

What must have been a shot in the dark for the old man was just enough to tear Mathew’s eyes away from staring at the water beads on the bottle.

“What?”

“The girl, Barz.” he says, banging on the head of the bottle to knock the cap off. “She a friend?” 

“What? Y/N?” Mat quirks his brows trailing off where River was exactly headed, “What about her?— Oh, her? Yeah, no. She’s just a friend.”

“She pretty.” he speaks in a sound accent, not wanting to let Mat know he’s growing to like catching the young lad off guard. Mathew nods casually despite the continuous blabbering. “She’s y/n. But yeah— I guess, she is pretty.” 

“Then what are you doing being just friends with a pretty girl?” River inquires, taking a sip of his beer. When he sees him trying to register what he’d just said he then adds, “Why not be with her? Date her?”

“Psh. What? Date y/n? That’s crazy.” Mat shakes his head furiously, “You’re crazy.” 

“What’s so crazy about that?” River takes offense, laughing at the child’s naivete. 

“I can’t date her. I mean— I won’t date her.” he takes the bottle to his mouth, taking a large gulp before continuing, “We’re in this weird relationship thing. A setup, actually, and it’s— it’s crazier than dating her. I swear, you of all people won’t get it.” 

“What makes you think I can’t?” he smirks, “I’ve had my fair share of crazy.” River points out despite the hesitation in Mat’s eyes. “I got all night, kid.” he adds, letting him have the floor to himself. 

“You really want in on this?” he second guesses, not wanting to bore the man with his personal life.

River leans against the brass counter just below the lit rack of vintage scotch displayed on the bar. He then gestures him to give a piece of his mind and Mat finally submits to his offer.

“We’ve been in a few… prior engagements,” he starts trying to find the appropriate word. “Well, sort of.”

River hums, not necessarily getting on the same page as him so he decides to be upfront about it.

“We’ve… slept together.” he confesses.

“So you used to date her?” the old man asks. 

“No.” he answers, “I told you we’re just friends.” 

With furrowed brows, River takes a minute. And once Mat hears an all too familiar “Oh.” he sees him break a chuckle, shaking his head at the thought of what Mat had just told him. “You kids have way too much fun these days.”

Mathew shrugs, “Hey, I warned you. Told you you wouldn’t get it.”

“Okay, make me understand something here. You two sleep together, fool around, do all that shit.” he says, “and you swear you’re not in a relationship?”

“Nope.” Mat answers with pride, popping out the word with a hard ‘p’.

“Huh.” River clicks his tongue, “How long have you two been… engaged?” 

He rolls his eyes when River uses his word, “About two months.” he answers shortly.

“Is she seeing anyone since you two started this thing? You know, casual dates, the ones I presume she’s been getting before you got her into this mess?” he asks him in a tone that only fathers would ever dare to use.

Mat thinks for a moment, trying to recall the last time he’s seen a guy pick you up for dinner besides the old man you’ve successfully bagged for the night. He firmly shakes his head no and simply says, “At least not in my recollection.”

River willfully nods, walking Mat right into the trap. “Well have you been seeing anyone lately?” he asks again, this time slipping a hint of assertion. He hears a crystal clear ‘no’ from the forward and that’s when he broke a goading grin. 

“And you’re telling me you two aren’t together?” he asks yet again, getting on Mat's nerves as he continues to flood him with biting queries, building up the final point he was about to break on Mathew.

“Rivs, for the hundredth time, no. We are not.” he clarifies. 

Mat watches River pour himself a glass of scotch, still wearing a smug grin. “Imma give you a piece of advice, yeah?” he smiles rather teasingly and doesn’t wait for Mat to rebut, “I’m a happily married man so I don’t know a single squat about dating nowadays, but if you’re telling me that you kids aren’t sleeping with anyone else but yourselves? Looks like a damn relationship to me.”

With his brows all quirked in confusion (and denial in the very least), Mathew gathers all his might just so he could refute whatever madness River was trying to inflict on him and screw him up in the head. But before he could even open his mouth, the sound of the heavy doors was all it took to tear up both River’s and Mat’s attention.

“Hi.” you say the moment you were welcomed by unsuspecting men talking by the bar. River acknowledges you by raising his drink, his gaze landing on Mat the moment yours did. 

“Hi.” Mathew mirrors you in an attempt to drown his already racing heart. A smile impending to break loose at any moment but he manages to suppress it. Instead of dealing with his adrenaline, he gestures for you to take a seat beside him. 

“Where’s the sugar daddy?” he laughs the moment you drag yourself from across the room, mocking every word he said. 

“His wife called when I got into his car.” you cringe.

“Oof. Lovely.” Mat makes the distinct expression on his face just before the two of you share a laugh.

“He’s not very smooth with adultery. He needs more practice.” you casually state sarcastically, clicking your tongue. 

As you find the narrative funny, you take a sip on Mathew’s beer. “How are you not drunk? You’ve been drinking way too much the entire night.”

“Well. I’ve got some things to think about—” he cuts himself off upon seeing your mouth ajar, “And no, you’re not allowed to ask because none of it concerns you.” 

“I wasn’t going to.” you dismiss him, excusing yourself to River which he gladly took as his cue to leave.

When he disappeared into the kitchen, you turned your gaze on your friend wearing another one of your mischievous grins, “Hey, wanna get pancakes?” 

“Y/N, it’s almost 3 AM.” Mat sighs, the tiring night starting to creep up to him. 

“So?” you question, swatting his hand away when you catch him checking on his watch. 

“Come on. Stop drinking that.” you insist and take the bottle from his hand before putting it over to the side. 

The two of you said your goodbyes to the lone bartender who was just starting to clean up again. River gives the two of you a nod of acknowledgement before landing a knowing look on Mathew. One that he’s thankful enough not to be discerned by you. 

As you walk alongside Mathew, he unconsciously places a hand on the small of your back— feeling it graze on the fabric of your coat as if to guide you towards the door in an almost romantic type of way. Perhaps, a way someone would behave if they were actually in a relationship. 

Mat notices your body tense but he doesn’t move an inch. Instead, his hand travels to the curve of your waist just as he leads you through the brass doors.

Once you’re out on the streets, he lets go.

𖥸

After almost half an hour of fighting over which diner is better to eat and get sober at, you and Mat decide to just try the new diner three blocks from your apartment. Being that it was an ungodly hour, the diner was good as closed when you got in. There were a few people inside and besides the student studying alone in the corner booth, the people lounging in the vacant seats were mostly just staff. Too bad they had to work the grave shift.

Mathew, who was rather preoccupied digging in his breakfast platter, gets interrupted when you call his attention. 

“So tell me,” you ask as you take a forkful of syrupy pancake into your mouth. Finally satisfying your cravings. You put the food modestly in the insides of your cheeks when you ask him a question, “What are you like on dates?” 

Mat disgustingly looks at you. You easily get what such a look meant and you immediately roll your eyes. You let your hand fall in mid-air amidst still holding a fork in it to prove a point. “I’m not trying to ask you out, dumbass. Don’t be so delusional.”

He puts his silverware down and wipes his mouth with a napkin. “Why the sudden interest?” 

“Just curious.” you simply say.

He hums, thinking about how he pulls off a first date. He then clears his throat as he takes you down that road. “First, I’m not bringing her to a 24/7 Diner.” you nearly gag. “She deserves a formal one just in case there won’t be a second date.” he explains. 

You sit there, nodding your head every now and then as he further goes on the details of how he’s like on a date. “Of course, I’d put my best foot forward all the time. Talk about her stuff more than mine and make sure she has a good time.” 

“Have you ever had a bad first date?” you curiously ask. To which he only answers with a stubborn look on his face, the one only Mat Barzal could pull off. “What? me? I don’t do bad first dates.”

“Oh, fuck off.” you flick his forehead as you laugh. The sound of his laughter echoing in your ears, drowning all the existing noise inside the lone diner.

But as the laughter dies down, Mat catches your eyes as soon as it falls on his. And just like that, there it was again, the exact same glint it had back in the bar. This time, illuminated by the pink shaded light lining up the wall accents of the diner. 

When he realizes that he’s been staring for too long, he settles on turning the tables on you. 

“How about you?” he props in his seat, “What are you like on dates?”

“You know, apart from the fact that you’re obviously into old men.” he snickers and you throw a curly fry on his forehead.

“Excuse me, I don’t.” you say sticking up for yourself.

Mat takes the curly fry that has fallen on his plate and proceeds to eat it. “Sure you do.” 

You roll your eyes, finding it hard to suppress the fact that you might actually do. “There’s a reason why women like old men, chico.”

He leans back and answers with a level headed and quite teasing reply, “And why’s that?”

“Because they’re men.” you look at him with a jerky grin as you continue, “And men, especially of River’s kind, definitely knows how to eat his french fry.”

Mat’s mouth falls wide in disbelief, appalled that you’ve actually found a way to pick up a stone and throw it straight to his face just to rub more salt on the fact that you had to teach a 23-year-old grown man how to eat cunt.

 “You’re an ass.” he says, rolling his eyes. You let out a laugh and shake your head. You were proud of yourself, sure; but showing just that is far too much for a boy’s already hurting ego. Who would have known humbling this man was such a task. 

“I’m playing! You know how to now.” you tell him, “Thanks to me, of course.”

He scoffs and takes a bite off his pancakes, “Cocky.”

“But you still haven’t answered my question.” he reminds you whilst he wipes off his lips with a napkin. 

“There’s not much to tell. You know I’m not high maintenance.” you tell him, ignoring the fact that you haven’t been on an actual date for so long you’re almost sure you’ve forgotten how to be in one. 

“I know it’s cheesy and corny but I do think it’s still in the littlest things, you know?” you sigh. Trying to remember the last relationship (date even) you had wherein those little things, the ones that are merely the bare minimum, were actually given to you. 

“You know, it’s not much, really. Maybe just a good talk without having to watch him watch me talk all night when he’s really thinking about how I’d look naked, you know what I mean?” you laugh it off, “I know, it’s stupid.”

The arrogant man sitting before you was silent for once, profusely wanting to wash the pool of melancholy he sees in your eyes. There must have been a shit ton of guys who overlooked how great of a woman you actually are just because they couldn’t stop thinking with the head in between their legs even just for a second. 

Mathew knows. And he hates that he’s been ‘that’ guy at some point. Probably until now considering him thinking with his balls on was the very thing that got the two of you here in the first place.

You take a deep breath, smiling. “Anyway, that’s better than almost getting with a married man. Right?”

“Right.” Mat laughs, his gray eyes bright under all the lights as he plays with his silverware,— devoid of how much he looked like as if he was utterly and undeniably in awe of not just the energy of the woman sitting in front of him alone nor the fact that she was by far the most unbelievable woman he’s known, but most importantly, he’s yet to realize how much in deep he’s beginning to be for the woman she actually were. 

Just as she is. 

𖥸

You left the diner a good hour before the sunrise and what must have been a quick five minute drive if you had only taken a cab, became a twenty minute foot race between you and Mathew.

You knew that walking was a bad idea but somehow, Mat’s charm and persuasive antics had a better hold than you thought you had on your very capable cognition. 

As you drag your feet into the confines of the elevator in your complex, you hear Mathew chuckling behind you with a firm hand securely placed on your waist supporting your balance. 

“You know— and not just ‘cause I’m an athlete, can I just say that you’re in a very bad shape?” he says almost a whisper in your ear, his voice low and deep.

You roll your eyes, leaning on the steel cold mirror once he pulls away, “You do it in heels then tell me who’s in a bad shape.” 

“Fair point.” he chuckles yet again, shying away. He presses the number for your floor before resting across from you. As Mat watches you catch your breath, he jokes in the hopes of breaking the ice between the two of you. 

“So…” he clicks his tongue, playful eyes looking at you, “Wanna tap?”

Disgusted to your very core, you let out a scoff just as you shake your head. “You’re fucking sick.” you laugh upon meeting his dumb grinning face. Seconds into laughter, Mat’s silence kills off the humor. The two of you exchange glances, the smiles on your faces receding into quietude. 

Mathew didn’t want to end the night letting you in the apartment not knowing what he’s been feeling the moment you’ve let him drag you out for an impromptu night out. And stupid as it was, the only thing he could think of was to slide his foot across the enclosed space embracing the two of you, nudging on your boot. You on the one hand were rather puzzled as to what caused such language. You send him a mental query by arching a brow. He lets his head fall back on the cold metal surrounding the elevator finally deciding to speak his truth.

 “I’m glad we get to hang out now. You know, just like friends do.” he genuinely says. 

“Me too.” you say, smiling. “I really had fun tonight. Thank you.”

As you meet his eyes, you see a glimmer of softness in his gaze. 

“Good thing I got bored, eh?” he says with a smirk. 

“Good thing I came back for you.” you reply.

A quiet smile parts from his lips.

“Yeah. I’m glad you did.”

It was a few seconds when you and Barzy parted from your respective walls to meet the sliding doors as it opened on your designated floor. You were pulling him closer by the tie of his coat whilst his hand was instinctively placed on your hips letting him press his body on you. Your faces were inches from each other’s, evident of not wanting to prolong the totally unplanned foreplay that’s about to go down in a communal lift. 

But just like every film you’ve watched your whole life, the inevitable cliché befalls the two of you when the next words that filled the enclosed walls you’re currently caged in came from the man who has yet to miss a morning jog. 

“What the hell is going on here?”

[queenshelby]

Time for Change – Part One

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: None

Words: 1,193

Notes: Not based on Cillian’s life. This is fiction guys! 

The spring weather had finally kicked in and you celebrated the warmth of the day with a floral dress. Though modest, the dress was more revealing than he'd see your wear before. Sitting mid-thigh, it had thin adjustable straps and a low cut and ruffled neckline. Your body was curvy, but strong; soft in the right places, and filled out that dress like no-one else could. The gentle breeze played at the dress' hem as you walked, showing glimpses of your smooth tanned upper leg. Your hair was long and fell is soft waves down your back and framed your face.  

Cillian admired your body and the way the dress moved with you as you approached him even though he knew that he shouldn’t have. He was married to your step-sister and he shouldn’t be looking at you like this. It wasn’t right.

‘Cillian, how are you?’ you asked as he welcomed you in with a hug and kiss on the cheek as usual. But he let his hand linger on your lower back just a fraction longer than he probably should have and, as he pulled away he wondered if you noticed.

‘Hey, uhm, come in and thank you again for teaching the kids’ Cillian said and your face gave nothing away and he moved towards the kitchen to make a coffee.

‘Is Danielle not home?’ you asked surprised, not seeing any sign of her. You weren’t particularly close and didn’t talk much but, usually, she was at home when you came around for the boys’ piano lessons. Being a music teacher had its advantages and you were always willing and eager to teach your friends’ and family’s children for free. Cillian and Danielle’s children were no different and, in your opinion, they were immensely talented and you adored spending time with them.

‘She is staying with her mother for a while’ Cillian huffed out before offering you a cup of coffee which you gladly accepted. You never met Danielle’s mother, although you shared the same father.

You dropped your bag by the front door and followed him. He could feel your eyes on his back and he wondered what you were thinking when he told you that his wife had walked out on him for second time within the past four months.

‘She just left you, again, without the boys? Why would she?’ you asked surprised, wanting to know how to handle their lessons. They were only 10 and 12 years old and you were somewhat concerned about the current circumstances.

‘Well, as usual, she left without any sort of explanation’ Cillian said rather frustrated.

‘Fuck Cillian, I am sorry’ you said, looking around for a second to make sure that his boys didn’t hear you.

Sitting in your usual seat at the counter you talked while he made your coffee, checking in and updating each other on your somewhat troubled lives.

As you sat on the stool chatting about your marriage troubles with your husband James, you leaned slightly forward offering him a perfect view of your ample cleavage, causing Cillian to blush.

‘I suppose life has it’s challenges, huh?’ you eventually chuckled and your soft laugh brought him back but the look in your slightly narrowed eyes was, for once, unreadable. He realised then that you had asked him a question, but he'd been so caught up in his musings that he hadn't noticed. But you'd definitely noticed him staring at your breasts.

“Uhm yes, it does” Cillian eventually responded and you sat up straight and you both ignored his lapse. He gave your your cup, and without warning or invitation you took your coffee to the lounge room. He followed you. You sat on the large couch next to the piano, tucking your legs underneath yourself as you sat. Your dress falling a little to one side, he again caught just a glimpse of your upper thigh.

"So, this is my plan for the boys, what do you think?” you asked.

“Pretty impressive. You should teach my how to play this” Cillian chuckled and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Your piano skills are much better than you lead on Cillian. I’ve heard you play at Danielle’s birthday last year” you said, which was shortly after you moved to Dublin after having spent the past ten years in America with your husband.  

The reasons you sought to return to Ireland were your husband’s numerous indiscretions when working at a large corporation in New York. He had one affair after another until you had enough and requested a transfer back to Dublin, forcing him to break it off with his secretary.

You knew you shouldn’t have forgiven him, but you did it for your daughter who you had adopted six years ago, giving her the best life possible. An intact home, close to family.

But, what you hadn’t told anyone was that, two days ago, the last straw had been drawn when your husband informed you that he had to return to New York for two weeks to attend a business conference, a conference which you found out didn’t even exist.  

Cillian’s situation wasn’t much better than yours. Danielle and him had broken up on numerous occasions throughout the past two years and he thought that, by staying with her, he was doing the right thing. But this was no longer sustainable and he found himself conflicted about what he wants in life.

As your conversation about music and playing the piano flowed, you occasionally touched his arm. It was your innocent way of connecting with him, of showing him you were there. You meant nothing by it, but today your touch sent electricity through him, into his core and he had to use everything he had to resist reaching out for you.

Luckily for him, within less than five minutes, his sons arrived in the living room, ready for their lessons and Cillian got up and left you to it.

***

After about an hour, when you were ready to leave, Cillian thanked you for coming over and, again, you gently touched his arm.

‘You are welcome’ you said with a warm smile, causing him to take in a deep breath.

‘I hope Danielle is back soon’ you then said before continuing. ‘But, in case that she isn’t, do you want me to come over and cook you and the boys dinner tomorrow? James is in New York and I get a bit lonely at home’ you asked politely.

‘The boys are going to camp for three nights with the local football club’ Cillian then said and you nodded before, after a small pause, asking him whether he would like to come over to your house for dinner by himself then.

‘Uhm, I am not sure if that would be appropriate’ Cillian then said, already struggling being around you. The small touches and gestures were almost too much for him especially since, the last time him and Danielle were intimate, was six months ago and they’ve been doing nothing but fighting ever since.

‘It’s just dinner Cilly’ you reassured him and he reluctantly agreed.

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[savoies]

ill take the floor - patrick moynihan.

summary: only one bed trope.

word count: 1.3k.

warnings: maybe one bad word.

a/n: so here it is, one of the only tropes i have not written yet. hope you enjoy and of course thank you to caitee (@joelsfarabees ) for saying do it. this went through about four drafts so uhm enjoy! italicized and bolded is going back in time.

taglist: ​( send in ask if you want to be added) ​@hartsyhart @nhlpetey @mitch-slap ​ @frostythegoalman @kirbysdch  @aria253264 ​  @josty ​ ​ @kaitieskidmore1 ​ ​ @kiedhara @laurenairay ​ @finnishmafiaa ​ ​ @alxvlasic ​ ​ @hockeyallthetime @barzy-baby ​ ​ ​ @bowenbyram ​ @martynecass ​ @joshsandersons  @connormcdavo @maattamatthews ​ ​ @joelsfarabees ​ @selenophileangel ​ @boqvistsbabe @ana-maa @stars-canucks @bowberrybyram @sidscrosbyy @2manytabsopen @wh0r3forpatrick

​tagging some buds: @simplyjosty @beauvibaby @heybarzy @tkachuk-yeah @cozycozzy

Summer. Something everyone looked forward to. No more school. No more having to worry about loads of assignments and time to finally wind down and relax. For certain people that meant going on trips, going to the beach, or just staying home. But for the Moynihan family that meant renting up a beach house or cabin.

It happened every year. Having Patrick away at college and not having much free time, it was a nice way to spend some time together.

This year Patrick suggested somewhere up in the mountains where him and his buddies from Providence had gone for winter break earlier in the year. Apparently everyone else on the east coast had the same idea as him because as they made their arrangements only one cabin was up for grabs and they took it without much consideration.

In three days they would drive out three hours to their destination travel spot. So after much talk Patrick and his sister Ciara were in their living room helping their parents set everything up that needed to be taken care of.

"So Pat excited to see Y/N?" Ciara said as she looked up at her twin brother.

"Considering i haven't seen her in person this whole school year yeah im pretty excited." He smiled as he thought about seeing you again. He missed you even though you guys talked whenever you could.

"So are you gonna make a move on her this year?" Ciara said suggestively as she wiggled her eyebrows.

"I dont know what you are talking about." Patrick said as he placed the rest of his bags by the door.

"Oh I see the way you look at her." Ciara said.

You were a mutual friend. But over the years of knowing each other you grew closer to Patrick, maybe even developing a small crush on him along the way. They had invited you over to the cabin to catch up. You being away at college. Ciara knew about your crush on her brother and how her brother felt about you so she had made it her mission to get you guys to get closer on this trip. Or at least for one of you to make a move on the other.

Everyone arriving safely at the cabin except some bickering between the twin siblings.

The kids ansty to go see what the cabin had to offer. "Here go ahead." Mrs. Moynihan said as she handed them the keys and they rushed inside piling their bags in the corner of the living room.

After seeing what was behind each door all of you walked back to the living room and Mrs. Moynihan spoke up.

"2 per room, so choose wisely who your roommate for the week will be."

"I choose Casey." Ciara spoke up almost too quickly. "Sorry Pat you're a snorer and Y/N you stay up way too late, i need my beauty sleep." 

"Are you ok with this?" Patrick turned to face you.

"Yeah i'm good. I mean we are both adults sort of. Yeah we can handle it." You smiled at him and shot a glance at Ciara.

"So now that that's settled let's start dinner." Mrs. Moynihan said as she led you all to the kitchen.

~~~

All of you sat around the fireplace outside as you finished dinner. Roasting marshmallows and eating smores.

The adults then going inside and leaving you guys outside as you talked and stargazed.

"I think i'm gonna head inside im getting pretty tired." You said as you got up and said your goodnights.

"What Y/N going to sleep before any of us, that's a first." Ciara spoke up.

"Oh shut up." You said hitting her shoulder playfully. Pat jogging up to catch up to you as both of you headed to the farthest bedroom.

"What not wanting to get bombarded on your love life by your sisters?" You raised your eyebrows playfully at him.

"Like i have one." He laughed.

"Oh really hotshot pat doesn't have a love life, i highly doubt that." Both of you laughing about it and stepping in your bedroom.

After both of you changed you each stood on one side of the bed.

"So uhm i can take the floor." Patrick said as he grabbed the pillow.

"Pat I am not letting you sleep on the floor. Not like we haven't fallen asleep together on the couch before. It's fine." You said as both of you got under the covers turning your backs against each other.

~~~

A few days had passed and it seemed that every day that passed both you and Patrick got closer and closer each morning waking up in each other's arms, the first night being kind of awkward.

Waking up you didn't expect to have Patrick's arm around you, less likely as tightly as it was.

Not sure what to do if you should wake him up or not you laid there staring at the high ceiling until he finally stirred awake.

"Shit my bad." He said as he quickly removed his arm from around your waist and blushed, you missing his warmth as soon as he did so.

"Well why are you avoiding eye contact." Ciara said as both of you walked out of the room and walked separate ways.

Bringing you back to the present where everyone was eating breakfast getting ready to head out to the lake.

"Y/N hurry up cause Casey is still asleep." 

You quickly heading to change as Ciara basically pushed the cereal down your throat for you to hurry up.

You looking through all of your bags, the car, the living room, and lastly the bathroom and not finding your bathing suit.

"Oh no. Oh no this can't be happening." You said as you thought about if you packed it or not.

"What's up?" Moyni questioned as he saw your distressed look.

"My bathing suit. I think I forgot it at home." 

"Well why don't you ask Ciara. She always brings like five because according to her they all look different on her depending on the weather." Pat said as you shouted thank you and ran out of the bedroom. But not before taking in his figure as he sat on the edge of the bed with his swim trunks and sandals.

'Hey Ciara, I forgot my swimsuit. Can i borrow one please?" You said as she soon laid out all of the options out and you picked out the one that would make you feel less insecure.

"Isn't it a bit small." You said as you walked out and covered your chest.

"I think it's cute. And someone else seems to think so also." She said as Pat was already looking at you when you stepped out into the living room.

"Pat close your mouth, you'll catch flies." Ciara whispered to her brother.

Everyone out on the lake that day having fun until they were physically exhausted. Both you and Moyni every so often looking at each other and averting eye contact whenever Ciara or anyone else would look at you guys.

"You know the sexual tension earlier was just wow." Ciara told you as everyone headed to their rooms for bed.

"Oh shut up." 

"You know it's the truth."

~~~

As time to head home neared both of you pretended to be asleep and cuddled into eachothers arms more often.

The last morning at the cabin both of you woke up as you curled into Patrick's chest. "You know i can get used to this." He said.

"Well maybe we should do it more often." You said as you smiled at him. Maybe it was a good thing that Ciara had been planning this all along, since after that trip both of you finally actually did something about the mutual feelings.

[barnesbabee]

𝓹𝓵𝓪𝔂 𝓭𝓪𝓽𝓮 - 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓪𝓵

|| ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ || ⇜ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ - 21

⟿ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: No sensible person would turn down their boss if they looked good as good as Seonghwa. But maybe they would wish they had…

⟿ ᴄᴏɴᴄᴇᴘᴛ: CEO!Seonghwa x reader, bestfriend!Yunho x reader || Social Media!AU || no gender specified for the reader

ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ: (send me a DM or an ask to be added) @ateezappreciation @shinyddeonghwa @lilithpooped @cloudyyeonnie@yeosangmystar @wooyoung-a @sanisms @mingismoon @lovelyvitamin @anawwyd @annasbannas @im-just-trying-to-survive-man @uglychildd @oddlittlefandomist @hwahomie @jin-neck-shaft @lovelyvitamin @yeosangmystar @skmoonchild @lovelymultiwrites @sunwooyoung

Panic settled in the room as Seonghwa's words echoed in your heads. Yunho was dead, Mingi disappeared, San wasn't waking up and the body was gone.

And meanwhile, you were getting railed in Seonghwa's office. You felt sick to your stomach, not knowing what to do, or where to even start.

"Someone say something!" Jongho yelled, at the top of his lungs, finally breaking his calm character.

The silence in the room was heavy and you suddenly felt as if you couldn't breathe, as if someone was gripping your throat from the inside. As if on cue, San groaned and his eyes fluttered open.

"What the fuck?..." He groaned, as he sat up straight with the help of one hand.

San rubbed the back of his head with his other hand, hissing as he moved it up and down slowly.

You and Seonghwa ran towards him and knelt beside the man.

"San what happened!?"

San sat against the sofa, feeling too sick and too dizzy to sit up straight on his own. He took a couple of breathsm trying to recollect what happened before he blacked out.

"There really isn't much to say, right after Y/N left Mingi asked me to get him something from the kitchen and when I came back someone, I'm assuming Mingi, hit me with something in the back of the head. Next thing I know I'm waking up next to Jongho."

Seonghwa stood up, visibly stressed and irritated.

"Y/N I- I can't take this anymore. I'm tired, I'm stressed out, I wake up, go to sleep and go through the day stressed but I try to keep calm and be reasobale but I just can't anymore! I need to rest, I need time!" Jongho said.

His voice was shaky, his face was red and his eyes were desperate and tired. He had huge bags under his eyes, and he looked as if he wanted to cry, but was too tired to do so.

"I... I know. I know what you're feeling because I'm feeling it too, but the body is gone, and you know that if the body is found we'll all be questioned by the police and if he turns himself in he will also be questioned by the police and we both know that in either case they will be asking questions. The body is decomposing! They'll start asking why he didn't come right away, what happened between the murder and the confession, and it doesn't take much for Mingi to break! If he goes down he'll bring us with him!"

Your voice was unstable from crying, and you, just like every other person in the group, regretted helping Mingi. You should have stayed mad at him. You shouldn't have babied him and helped him cover up a murder. But it was too late, friendship and compassion won over you as if you were in a kid's cartoon where the power of friendship could overcome anything. But it didn't.

"Each of you get in one of my cars. We're splitting up and looking for him. Keys are in the ignition, let's go. The sooner we find him, the sooner it will all be over."

Seonghwa turned his back and started walking towards the garage, giving them no time to oppose themselves to the plan, or to complain at all.

Four motors roared in the garage as each of them left in their respective car to look around. He couldn't have gone very far, it had only been a couple hours and Mingi had no car and no money for a cab.

It was becoming increasingly hard for San to throw off Wooyoung. They had been spending a lot of time together and these past few days he had barely talked to the younger boy, making the latter suspicious that either San had gotten tired of him, or that he had found someone else. Either way Wooyoung was panicking and constantly blowing up San's phone, which was just the cherry on top. After the 10th ding sounded from his phone, San pulled over for a second and called Wooyoung.

"Heeey Woo." He said, trying to sound as sweet as possible.

"San what's happening? Please tell me if you're getting tired of me... Don't give me any hopes, because I really like you."

"What? No Wooyoung, I like you, like... a lot. Really. But I've just been busy with consoling Y/N, and there was a bunch of issues in some paperwork from my part-time job so I had to work on that as well, it's just been a very tiring couple of days, I'm sorry... Can I get back to you once I'm done? I need a little rest."

As far as Wooyoung knew you were still upset at Mingi.

"Alright fine, but I expect a nice homemade dinner once you're free."

"Of course baby."

San hung up with a sigh, relieved that he bought his excuses, and started the engine once more, resuming his search.

San was driving around the town, searching places with fewer people and hidden spots where rarely anybody went to. He ended up in a couple bad neighborhoods, which in retrospect it wasn't very smart since he was riding a Rolls Royce, but they hadn't been making good choices the past few days. Seonghwa headed back to the cabin where they had found the body, you searched every bridge and police station and Jongho went to his apartment.

It was minute 12 of driving around when you received a call. It was a group call with everyone involved.

"The body is back in the cabin. It's covered with all the leaves and shit we put here."

"Don't touch it, get out of there for now. I'm still trying to get to his house, anyone got anything?"

Jongho's question was met with a bunch of no's.

"Well I'm almost at his house and I can see- oh my God. I found him. I found him he's standing on a balcony and I think he's gonna jump everyone get here!"

Jongho hung up and you told Seonghwa the address. Thankfully you were close by and got there in no time. Jongho sprinted up the stairs and by the time you and San got to the house he was trying to talk Mingi out of it. Mingi was standing on the edge of his balcony, on the other side of the railing, but still holding onto it. Jongho was crying and begging Mingi to come to his senses and to come back inside, as he gripped his arm.

"It's no use Jongho, just let me go! This is not up to you!"

You and San got up to the balcony as well, trying to talk Mingi out of it.

"Mingi please! We'll get through this I'm begging you, we can't lose you too!" You yelled.

You wanted to stay composed but you couldn't help the tears streaming down your face. Even Jongho, who was usually very uncomfortable displaying his emotions, was crying and begging.

When Seonghwa got to the scene, he was terrified. He didn't know what to do, which was a common thing throughout the past few days, and it was killing him.

Everyone was pulling on Mingi's left side, trying to pull him up along with Jongho, so, without anyone noticing, he jumped outside the railing, and slowly walked towards Mingi without him noticing either.

Once he was close enough, he grabbed the man and pulled him up and over the railing, while holding himself stable with one hand on said railing.

However, Mingi's selfishness was bigger, and in the end, he showed that no matter what other people did for him, he was going to put himself first.

Mingi was mad, he thought his friends were being selfish and had no say in the matter, so while being saved, while going over the railing back into his house, he kicked it away with all the strength in his body, making him fall back.

Seonghwa, who was holding onto Mingi, failed to grip the railing harder and fell with Mingi, looking into your sad, panic-filled eyes as he fell to his death.

You bent over and watched the man you loved fall, in what felt like slow motion. His body hit the ground, and with an ugly cracking noise, Seonghwa's head split open.

You sprinted down the stairs, and once you got down to the ground people were circling the two men, taking pictures and gasping at the scene. You shoved away everybody in front of you so you could reach Seonghwa. His face was nearly intact, but the pool of blood surrounding his cracked skull told you there was no way he'd survive. His chest moved up and down quickly, for a couple of seconds, indicating the intense pain he was in.

"Seonghwa I'm sorry- I-I'm so sorry! Please... I love you..."

Just as the last three words left your mouth, you could see his lips twitch, before his chest stopped moving, before his eyes lost all of their color, before his body went limp in your hands. You stayed there, holding the face of the deceased man you once loved, your clothes soaking his blood and you cried out for forgiveness.

You didn't dare look at Mingi, but you sure hoped he was dead.

But he wasn't. And in the end. When the ambulance and the police came, they took Seonghwa to the morgue and Mingi to the hospital. Mingi ended up surviving after intense surgery, but not for long, because you would end up killing him.

"You don't get to live!" You told Mingi, as you stabbed gagged him and stabbed him over, and over, and over.

He died in a slow, agonizing way, just like you wanted him to. After all he put you, San, and Jongho through, after the sleepless nights, the constant stress, after staying the love of your life he still thought he'd get a second chance!?

You made sure he suffered, and you made sure he knew how much you hated him as you pierced your old, blunt, and rusty knife into his body.

San and Wooyoung ended up fleeing the country, and Jongho joined the military, both too afraid to face the reality and their past actions, seeking any refuge outside of their past lives. They did end up hearing about Mingi's death, and neither of them seemed to care. After everything, they just gave up on him completely.

You were arrested for Mingi's murder, but after confessing everything, and giving a couple touch-ups where you removed Seonghwa, Jongho, and San from the story, and after leading them to Yunho's body, the lawyer from your case pleaded not guilty, and blamed your acts on the heavy toll the incidents of helping your best friend, and the death of your lover, had taken on you, and the judge agreed that you should be under house arrest, with a government assigned professional that would assist you, take care of you, and report back to court.

Was that the end? Was that all there was to your life? That seemed to be the case... Sooner or later you'd end up joining Seonghwa however, you knew that much, you just hoped he was somewhere waiting for you.

[stxphxn-strange]

playing pretend

a/n: hello hello hello! i have a prompt fill for this Dark!Stephen AU from @ironstrangeprompts and im just gonna post it before i can start second guessing my writing lmao

tw: mentions of torture, injury, implied past abuse

Prompt: Dark!Stephen AU. The avengers never really notice Stephen’s pacifist to-a-fault superheroing style until one day a magical incident corrupts him/magical entity possesses him. They’re treated to a completely unhinged and lethal Stephen, the avengers realize just how much Stephen was holding back, what with his quick work dispatching all of them, resulting in very heavy injuries. However, he takes special interest with Tony Stark, whom he has been dating for a few months now. He has Tony all strung up in the middle of the battlefield in front of the other broken and beaten avengers, he taunts and tortures him. “Being a doctor and a sorcerer is so very useful, I can break you in very precise manners, put you back together and then do it again.” When he gets bored of Tony’s screams and decides to end him permanently, Stephen suddenly snaps back to normal. The real Stephen has been battling internally to gain back control, knowing that he’s about to kill the love of his life gives him the final push to break free. He portals them all to safety and to receive medical help. Cue heavy angst and Stephen trying to make it up to them but especially Tony, who insists that everything is fine and that he knows it wasn’t the real Stephen. However they both know that Tony is just putting up a brave front and is undoubtedly traumatized by the incident. Up to the author on if they want to end it in a bleak or hopeful tone.

It took Tony a few minutes to register his surroundings when he woke up. He wasn’t lying in a makeshift coffin of bent metal, broken bones, and the ruins of the building. The familiar baritone, the melody of his waking world, wasn’t hollow and cruelly taunting him. Stephen sounded like himself, soothing and loving and reassuring but worried and tired all the same. Tony heard guilt in his partner’s voice, delineating his dream, his memory, from the present. He wanted to follow that voice, the real Stephen’s voice, and leave the past behind them. Guilt was eating away at Stephen as he tried to calm Tony down and wake him up. He defaulted to the standard promises and phrases when Tony had nightmares, but this time was different. This time Stephen was the cause of the nightmare, and he knew it. No matter how much Tony said it wasn’t his fault, that everything was okay, Stephen knew he had to repair the pieces of Tony’s trust he’d obliterated.

Tony thrashed again in his sleep, feebly kicking the air in front of him just like he did on the battlefield. “Stop!”

“Sweetheart,” Stephen began, unsure of what to say. “Tony, wake up. You’re safe, no one will hurt you.”

“Stephen!” Tony groaned and thrashed again, his eyes still shut as he fought to wake up. “This isn’t you… don’t do this.”

Stephen barely held back tears as he spoke again. “It’s over Tony, I’m back. I’m me again. I won’t hurt you, I promise I’ll never hurt you as long as I live.”

Tony was shaking when he finally woke up, unsure if he was even breathing. He opened his eyes hastily, studying the look on Stephen’s face. Stephen looked concerned, even worried, but unsure of himself as he murmured soothing nonsense to Tony.

“Breathe, Tones,” Stephen said. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. It’ll be okay, I promise. Just breathe, we’re alright. I’ll leave you be once I’m sure you’re okay, and—”

Tony wrapped his arms around Stephen and hugged him tightly. “Don’t you dare. Don’t go… please don’t go Stephen.”

“I can’t risk scaring you again Tony. I’ve already hurt you enough, it’s not fair to keep putting you through this,” Stephen argued, fighting his urge to hug Tony back.

Tony only held on tighter, determined not to let Stephen leave.

Stephen still wanted to disappear, but he quickly understood that Tony wouldn’t let him go that easily. The mechanic was still shivering and trembling, slowly starting to calm down as Stephen hesitantly hugged him back.

++++

They both woke up at the same time, almost four days later. Stephen woke up slowly, feeling like he was underwater or in a fog, while Tony started awake across town.

It was pitch dark in the room, the heavy curtains drawn shut to keep out any intrusive light. It was the middle of the day, judging by the clock Stephen kept on his nightstand, but he couldn’t feel the sun on his face, or see any light from his window. He was bathing in pitch black. At first, he thought he was dead, doomed to an eternity in darkness, when something red bloomed and came to life beside him. Even now, his Cloak was always dramatic, comforting as it covered him like a blanket.

As his eyes adjusted, Stephen registered Wong and Christine on the other side of the room, just studying him.

Christine was the first to meet his stare, rushing to his bedside. “How do you feel?”

Stephen grimaced in pain as he shrugged. “Not great, thanks.” There was something else on his mind, but he was too afraid to ask. He was almost too scared to hear the answer.

Luckily, Wong spoke up before Stephen could ask. “You slept for three and a half days, Strange. How much do you remember?”

“Something attacked the Compound… I think it was me,” he mumbled.

“Not exactly,” Wong began, gentler than Stephen had ever heard him.

“Possessed or not, I still attacked!” Stephen sat up, paying the price as he rose quicker than his body could handle. “It doesn’t matter if I saved everyone, not if I almost killed them first.”

Neither Wong nor Christine spoke, and the cloak simply wrapped tighter around Stephen’s shoulders.

“You did save everyone,” Wong said finally. “And you banished whatever entity possessed you. We still haven’t figured out what it is, but…”

Wong’s voice trailed off as Stephen stopped listening. His head started to hurt as he remembered, in searing detail, more of what happened and what caused him to snap out of the state he was in.

Tony was near silent, his voice failing him after hours of tortured screams. Somewhere, somehow, Stephen knew that he was the one hurting him, the one causing Tony so much pain even though he promised never to hurt the hero. He wanted to stop, to end all of the carnage he’d brought to the Compound, to his friends who were starting to feel like family, to Tony… but he couldn’t. The hand controlling his impulsive strings was strong and steady, and it wouldn’t rest until Stephen finished its bidding.

His movements were mechanical as he strode, like the marionette he’d become, to stand in front of Tony.

And Tony just looked at him with a defeated, almost calm look on his face.

Stephen’s voice sounded distorted when he spoke, preening with a twisted smile as he bent to look upon the man of iron. “Accepted your fate?”

“You won’t be the first person I’ve loved who’s hurt me,” Tony said, between pained breaths. “There’s nothing to say.”

Stephen tried to back up, to keep himself still, but he couldn’t fight the influence of his controller and struck Tony again. “Arrogance is unbecoming.”

Tony inhaled again, deeper and more pained this time but somehow even calmer. “Go ahead and finish the job. I won’t hold it against you, Stephen.”

Stephen was hyperventilating when he heard Wong’s voice again, pressed against the headboard of his bed like he was backed into a corner.

Christine approached him tentatively, resting her hand on one of his shoulders.

Stephen recoiled away from the touch and curled up on himself like a turtle retreating in its shell. He ducked his head under a pillow, shaking in fear and pain from moving too quickly. “Did I… did I kill him? I remember everything until I was about to… please tell me I—”

“You didn’t.” Christine cut him off, hoping to keep her friend from spiraling further. “Wong said you saved everyone, and that includes Tony.”

Stephen sobbed just hearing his partner’s name. Guilt wracked his entire body as he cried harder and harder, his magic running through his veins. Was he not this exhausted, he’d probably set fire to something from his high levels of stress and fear, but all he could do was cry until he fell into painful sleep.

++++

He didn’t finish it.

He didn’t listen.

Tony remembered the horrified look he saw on Stephen’s face, the remorse in his eyes as he sent a vaguely corporeal figure of dark energy through a portal.

Tony remembered the way Stephen apologized again and again as his eyes started closing, overwhelmed by the pain seizing his mind and body. A part of him hoped that Stephen had listened, that maybe the last thing he’d see in this life would be the face he’d come to absolutely adore…

… But he’d woken up sometime later in the MedBay, wanting to see Stephen more than anything. In spite of everything that’d just happened, or maybe because of everything that’d just happened, all Tony really wanted was to go back to sleep, preferably in his partner’s embrace. That really didn’t seem like too much to ask for.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Stark?”

Tony almost didn’t notice Peter pacing around on the ceiling, in fact he didn’t know his pseudo son was even in the room until he suddenly landed a few feet away. “I feel great, Kid. Definitely not like I took a ton of bricks to the face.” He didn’t remember the gory details of the fight, so Tony couldn’t say whether or not he was being literal.

“Welcome back, Boss,” FRIDAY said, a hint of worry in her voice. “And good morning. It’s currently half nine on Tuesday. I’ve been asked to inform you that Col. Rhodes has returned from Washington and has volunteered to lead all reconstruction projects for the Compound. He’s also asked me to keep you updated and will be coming to see you this afternoon.”

Tony sighed. “Thank you. Wait… that means Rhodey came back early?”

“He did,” FRIDAY replied simply. Her voice sounded like what a nod looked like as she continued. “Would you like me to tell him that you asked about him?”

“Sure, but don’t bother him. He doesn’t have to rush to see me,” Tony replied, knowing that Rhodey would probably come anyway. He was maybe the one exception to what Tony had told Stephen earlier, before…

“Col. Rhodes will be here within the hour,” FRIDAY announced.

“Thanks Fri.”

Peter, who had started pacing on the ceiling again, asked what Tony had been wondering since he woke up. “Where’s the Doc?”

“I dunno, Pete. I’ve been wondering that myself,” Tony admitted. “Fri, you wouldn’t happen to know… would you?”

“As far as I can tell, Doctor Strange returned to the Sanctum following the… altercation… on Thursday,” the AI reported.

“What? Altercation? What happened?” Peter landed on the floor again, looking more worried than Tony thought he deserved to.

“There was just a small wizarding mishap, don’t worry about it,” Tony said. He shrugged, trying to reassure Peter as much as he could. “Not even an emergency, Underoos. We would’ve called for you if it was.”

Tony also didn’t want Peter to see what happened. Maybe he was sheltering the kid, but he didn’t want Peter to ever find out about the attack on the Compound. It was bad enough that the team, even in their varied states of consciousness, saw what they did. They saw the fear in Tony’s eyes, saw him slowly surrender to Stephen’s ruthless attacks until he just stopped trying to fight the sorcerer. Tony knew he couldn’t parry these magical attacks, couldn’t break the spelled restraints… but he didn’t want Peter to see how easily he’d given up.

If Peter had more to say, he simply chose not to ask about it. Instead he just shrugged. “Glad you’re okay, Mr. Stark. May heard from Pepper that you got hurt, so I wanted to swing by… no pun intended.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that calling me ‘Tony’ is fine?” Tony asked, rolling his eyes warmly. “I’m fine, Pete. Not up for working in the lab today, I’m afraid, but—”

“That’s okay! My suit isn’t going anywhere, we can upgrade anytime,” Peter replied. “I promised May I’d be home for movie night, but I just wanted to come see you.”

Tony smiled softly. “You’re a good kid, Son. Get home safe, and I’ll give you a call when I’m back in working condition.”

“Thanks IronDad!” Peter was gone in a second, leaving Tony in the quiet with his thoughts.

“Fri?” He asked after a few minutes.

“Still here, Boss.”

“Will you… will you tell Stephen I want to see him?” Tony asked.

Maybe he was the spoiled brat everyone believed, or maybe he was exhausted and touch starved and showing signs of an addictive personality. Tony didn’t know, he didn’t care, and he just wanted his sorcerer back.

“I’ll let him know,” FRIDAY replied, softer than normal.

++++

“Stephen, it’s been days. Days since the attack, days since you holed yourself up in my library like you’re going into hibernation—”

“Good morning to you too, Wong.”

Wong may have laughed at Stephen’s attitude if he didn’t feel so bad for him. Stephen was completely out of it, so much so that he didn’t even realize how late in the day it was. “It’s almost eight, Strange.”

Stephen just sighed. “Did you need something from me?”

“Stark is asking for you again. I think you should see him.”

“You said that yesterday,” Stephen muttered.

“I’m saying it again now. I know you, Stephen, I can read you like any book in here.” Wong began. “You’re trying to outrun your guilt but you know it’s not that easy. Ignoring Tony isn’t going to make things go away, and it’s not going to make either of you feel better. He misses you, and I know you miss him too.”

“I don’t know how I can even look at him after what I did… he trusted me,” Stephen whispered, looking down at his lap. “I broke his trust.”

“Not willingly, and he knows that,” Wong reminded him. “It wasn’t you, Stephen.”

Stephen ignored him, beginning to tremble as he thought back to what Tony had said to him. “He told me he wouldn’t hold it against me… that I wasn’t the first of his loved ones to hurt him. I don’t know what I could do or say to prove to him, let alone to the team, that I’d never hurt them again.”

“Hiding away in here isn’t helping to prove that,” Wong said.

“You just want your chair by the window back,” Stephen accused him.

“Of course I do! But I also care about you and your happiness. If you need anyone to vouch for you, I’ll be here,” Wong replied.

“That sounds like you’ve made up my mind for me.”

“I have. Go now, before it gets too late.”

Stephen opened a portal to the tower, just outside of the lab. “I doubt Tony would be asleep, he’s always awake.”

His suspicions were confirmed as he closed the portal. Tony was in his lab where Stephen thought he’d be, a mug in one hand and a pen in the other.

Stephen’s entire body trembled with nerves as he opened the door, the cloak knocking loudly and dramatically to make his presence known.

“FRIDAY, Quiet Place Protocol please,” Tony said. He looked up and smiled sadly at Stephen as the lab’s usual blaring music shut off. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Stephen suddenly didn’t know what to do with himself. He was too scared to get any closer to Tony, afraid to hurt him, but at the same time all he wanted was to hug him.

The cloak made the first move, flying off of his shoulders and resting on Tony’s.

“Aww, hi Levy.” Of course Tony had a nickname for the relic, he had nicknames for everything and everyone.

Stephen found it annoying in the most heartwarming way, and he couldn’t help but smile as Tony sat down at his workbench.

“You can come over, you know?” Tony asked, half teasingly. “I told you I don’t bite, Steph.”

Stephen felt like a marionette again as he walked towards his boyfriend, but his heart was in control this time. He wanted to protect, to cherish, and to spoil the man in front of him with nothing but love and attention. He was just afraid, still unsure of himself as he studied Tony’s face. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey… I know.” Tony opened his palms on his lap, silently asking to hold Stephen’s hands.

Stephen let him, trembling harder as Tony held him gently. “I don’t know what happened, Tony. Something took over me, and I couldn’t stop it. I’ve never been overpowered like that before, and I didn’t know what to do. But please listen when I say that I promise it’ll never happen again, I mean that’s a given if you leave me, but—”

“I’m not leaving you,” Tony said firmly. “I know you weren’t voluntarily doing all of those things.”

“I never, ever wanted to hurt you. I still don’t want to hurt you.”

“You didn’t.”

“Tony…” Stephen took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. “Tony I could’ve killed you. The entire time I was trying to break the curse, to get that thing out of my system, I almost killed you. And you almost let me do it.”

“I did.”

Stephen didn’t know what to say. Tony had that calm, accepting look on his face mixed with a kind, trusting expression. It was the same look he’d given Stephen in the ruins of the Compound, and it hurt. It didn’t feel like an apology would be enough to make things right, but what else was there to do now? “I’m sorry, Tony.”

Tony slid his arms around Stephen’s waist and pulled him into the hug they’d both been needing. “I’m fine baby, it’s okay. It’s over.”

Stephen knew it wasn’t just over, and he knew Tony knew it too. But in the moment he was too fatigued to fight about it and let Tony hold him closer. “Have you been sleeping?”

“Trying to,” Tony replied. “Not to be cheesy or whatnot, but I do sleep better with you next to me.”

“May I take you to bed?” Stephen asked, sounding even shyer than when he normally asked that. “Please? I know it’s early, but I wouldn’t object to a nap.”

Tony nodded, shifting to press a chaste kiss to Stephen’s lips. “That sounds nice. FRIDAY, save and shut everything off please.”

“Engaging ‘You Shall Not Pass’ protocol, Boss,” FRIDAY reported dutifully.

Tony scoffed. “Remind me to never let you and Peter give Fri name suggestions again.”

“You could just change it if it bothers you that much.” Stephen chose to remind Tony of that instead, even though they both knew Tony was secretly fond of the movie references hidden in his protocols. “Besides, that serves you right for calling me Gandalf all the time.”

“If the shoe fits, babe,” Tony said. He stood up, keeping an arm wrapped around Stephen’s waist as they left the lab and headed for the elevators.

Despite feeling safe and loved in Tony’s arms, more than he could have ever hoped to be and probably more than he deserved, Stephen was still anxious. He felt out of place in the Tower, never mind the fact that he usually spent half of his time there, and he felt even more out of place amongst the team.

“How are the others?” He asked quietly, afraid to hear the answer.

“They’re getting better.” Tony saw no point in sugarcoating the truth. Stephen would see right through it, and that wouldn’t help him process everything. “Carol and Thor are both bored of training with each other, but no one else wants to spar with either of them yet. Or with Natasha, for that matter.”

“Does anyone ever want to spar with them on a good day?” Stephen asked, trying to keep the mood light.

“You’re all a bunch of sore losers who can’t rise to a friendly challenge” Natasha quipped, suddenly materializing in front of the couple. “Tony, what’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why is he here?”

“Natasha, I—”

Natasha pointedly ignored Stephen. She never disliked the sorcerer, she was actually indifferent and had no issues telling Tony that, but Tony’s trustful, rather soft nature was a concern of hers. It worked in her favor, sure, but she was really trying to be a better friend to Tony and look out for him more. It was this concern that motivated her to look at Stephen with disgust. Natasha wasn’t scared of him, she took heavy damage in the attacks but it was more minimal compared to some of the things she’d put his friends and family through.

Tony was acting as if none of that happened, and that couldn’t stand.

Natasha frowned and glared at Stephen as she addressed Tony. “Tony what the hell are you doing?”

“I’m not—”

“Don’t play dumb and tell me you’re not following. What are you still doing with him? You barely sleep more than an hour without waking everyone up screaming from phantom pain and nightmares! Do you think we can’t hear you yelling and begging for Stephen to stop torturing you and just kill you? Because we all do!” Natasha took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose. “And after all that, you’re holding him like nothing is wrong? I don’t understand how you can be so forgiving sometimes.”

She stormed off before Stephen could defend himself or before Tony could respond. Her words echoed in Stephen’s head as Tony continued to lead him down the hallway, into the elevator, and into the penthouse.

Stephen sat dejectedly on the bed as Tony shuffled around the room, grabbing a few blankets from the closet. He didn’t say anything as Tony made a little nest of pillows and blankets, the cloak joining the haphazard pile the minute Tony curled up under a throw. Eventually Stephen allowed himself to lay down, offering no protests as Tony hugged him again.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized again, mumbling into the soft fabric of Tony’s shirt.

“I know,” Tony said simply. “Relax sweetheart, it’s okay.”

He was still tense, curling up smaller in Tony’s arms. “Are you okay?” The sorcerer asked.

“I’m fine,” Tony reassured him. That was half true. He was fine, to a point, but there were things bothering him that he had no idea how to tell Stephen about.

Eventually they would have to face the music and talk about everything, and they both knew it. For now, Tony was somewhat okay with ignoring it, clinging to the hope that having his Stephen back would keep the memories at bay.

Tags: @stark-strange-love2 @salty-ironstrange-shipper @funkylittlebidiot @richieleeparker @chocopiggy @hatakehikari @taruyison 

[static-fanatic-1]

Main Four: Escapist S/O with a Three Year Old

This ask disappeared for some reason so I’m really sorry about that. A few other disappeared as well and I don’t know why, luckily I took pictures so I still have them.

Im going to separate them to make it to make it different than the poly relationship ones, I hope you don't mind.

Gon:

• Imagining this baby boy having a baby boy, it's the cutest thing. Not really as a Yandere but you get the point.

• After being gone for four years he became desperate, anyone with any information of you had become important to him. He was patient at first but he can only last so long. He probably went to your family and friends and asked about you. If they know he'll take care of them one way or another.

• Once he finds you he is ecstatic. He sits outside of your apartment, jumping up and down just waiting to walk in and hug you. But when he sees you walking past the slightly open window with something in your arms, he freezes. Gon simply stops and stares at the moving bundle in your arms. At first he might not understand, but once he thinks about what this might mean, he grows furious.

• Lets just say he jumped to the conclusion that it is your but might not be his.

• Gon enters your house by breaking the front door open. You are obviously surprised and jump back from the place near the window, the child in your arms now crying. He storms around the apartment, looking for any sign of another guy in your life. When he finds nothing he storms over to you and demands to know where the baby came from.

• Out of fear of his immense aura, you would be quick to say it's his. Just like that he switches back to his happy, go lucky self.

• You'll be shaken up by this of course, but he won't pay any mind when he rips the child from your arms and holds it in his. He will shush it and calm it down easily while dotting both you and them for doing such a good job.

• Gon will grab your hand and drag you to the couch or bedside, whatever is closer, and hold the both of you close. By now the toddler won't be crying anymore and instead laughing and playing with their dad. They may not have been outright told who their dad was or what they look like, but the baby will know.

• Speaking of the toddler, this thing would be beyond adorable. Big round eyes and a button nose, chubby cheeks and spiky blackish-green hair, they will be adorable.

• I don't think Gon will ask why you left, instead he will just take you two somewhere safe and make sure you can't leave again. You or the child.

Killua:

• Luckily Killua doesn't have a baby thing like Illumi or Kurapika, but he'd still be proud to be a father.

• When he finds you he is beyond surprised that you were able to evade him for such a long time. Sadly the little chase must come to an end, and it ends now.

• You've been gone for so long that anyone who had or as an affiliation with you is dead, pretty much no questions asked. Because you have been running off for so long you probably would not know this, the only way you would be able to escape for so long is because you left everything behind. It's sad but that is how it would have to be.

• When he finds you he will be beyond pissed off, I mean you left him for four years. That won't ever happen again and he'll make sure of it. Still, he won't show how pissed he is, instead it will be covered by an eerily calm and dull mask.

• He would enter the home you've been staying in at night, carefully maneuvering in the dark to get to you. Killua will start to notice some strange things, kids toys? Small baby bottles? He would instantly know why you left, and in return he would understand your fear, but that won't stop him.

• Instead of going to your room he will find out where the toddler is. Killua would sneak in undetected and loom over the crib/small bed, his child resting inside. The assassin would instantly know it's his, his chest swelling with a sense of pride. The fluffy white hair and pale skin are a huge indication as to who is the father.

• Carefully and gently he would wake up the kid, calmly whispering sweet nothings and how his daddy is home. The toddler would instantly understand, and will excitingly jump up and out of bed to tell you.

• You will wake up by being roughly shaken by your kid, a small questioning 'what' slipping past your lips. Why the hell you they be so excited at this hour? But when your sleepy gaze pulls them in, and your eyes settle on the dark figure looming in the doorway, you know what's wrong. Killua would calmly watch before stepping forward into the moonlight.

• You would be afraid, your child would be happy and tapping about how daddy's home, and Killua would have a smug look across his features.

• That will be that, Killua would use the kid as a hostage of sorts, as insurance to keep you with him. The bouncing baby would be a target to his family, but nothing will happen to the kid or you for as long as he lives.

Kurapika:

• Oh dear, one of the scarier yanderes of the Hunter x Hunter universe. At least for me.

• This guy is already unhinged because of you leaving, being gon for so long, without anyone to keep him in check, everyone would be killed.

• Do you guys remember the Kurapika having an S/O who just vanishes? Yeah, he would give up after six or so years, depending on how long it takes to slaughter anyone who might have a vendetta against him.

• When four years hits he is hunting down the Phantom Troupe, at least starting to hunt them down. He will be wondering the rooftops trying to find the Troupe, maybe he is currently trailing a few of them.

• If like to imagine you accidentally bump paths with them on your way to wherever you are going. Like your walking through the streets with your son/daughter and you accidentally bump shoulders with them. You would apologize (like a decent human being) and move on your merry way. (I might actually turn this into a short story because it sounds fun;))

• If That happens Kurapika would be holding his breath, because you have been found and you were too close to the enemy.

• Weare talking about Kurapika so obviously he would be angry you have left, but seeing you happy and with his child... he's beyond relieved. I mean just look at the kid! Cute blonde hair and round, brown eyes with a round face and gleeful smile.

• I can see Kurapika being very calm about the situation, which would be terrifying since he's a bit emotional. He would meet you at your house with a blank expression.

• When you two meet again he will have mixed emotions. Should he be angry, disappointed, relieved, happy? Honestly he doesn't know.

• But he knows one thing, you won't escape again. He will act like the nice guy to your kid and try to paint you as a damsel in distress. He will manipulate your kid to start being as protective as himself, and he will do this with all of your kids. Kurapika wants more children, he wants a big family, and he'll make sure he has one.

• He will trap you and lock you up, making sure your kids learn to be like him. The kids will also be a bargaining chip, you won't want to leave them but they won't want to leave their dad.

• He might not be as angry as usual, but his manipulation will surely compensate.

Leorio:

• This guy would be deathly irritated at everything if you left him for so long. He would snap at pretty much everyone for the smallest of things. But finally, after devoting so much time in finding you he has finally done it.

• Leorio would simply find you in the street and try and pluck you to the side to give you a piece of his mind. Though before he can do that you are met with some other girls, instantly he would be both curious and more irritated.

• He would take his time brooding in the dark alleyways as your group walks to a daycare. The black haired guy would furrow his brows as he watched you smile and pick up a small kid. The two of you would be laughing.

• Leorio's mood is ever changing from irritated to super happy. This would be one of those moments. He would immediately smile to himself and calmly follow you on your way home.

• When you make it home you see a man standing near your doorway, you are nervous about this man but he doesn't seem threatening. That is until you realize who it is.

• Simple 'Hey babe' exchanges will be given, your son/daughter asking who the man is. Your too frozen to answer.

• So he does for you. He'll answer with his name and then his affiliation with you, this will make your child's day. They had a dad?! That crazy!

• They'll jump into Leorio's arms and start talking about random things. Leorio would act as if nothing happened, as if he was just gone on a business trip or something. And that's what the toddler will be told too, he was gone for a really long business trip.

• You on the other hand will know, and despite him not outright using the kid to threaten you, you probably won't even try. His firework like temper would be enough to scare you into submission.

[megalony]

Bonds between us

I know I haven’t been posting much lately but I’ve finally been inspired and found the time to write this new Murderer! Ben Hardy series I am hoping to be working on. I hope you will all like it, feedback is always lovely to have.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @hellsdragon @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh @onceuponadetectivedemigod​

Murderer! Ben masterlist

Summary: There are two sides to Ben, the dark side when he is at work, and the surprisingly loving side when he is with his family. But both Ben’s sides are tested when (Y/n) goes into early labour and their baby is premature.

(I’ve imagined this series being set in the late 60s/ early 70s)

Enjoy.

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"It's daddy, I told you he's home!" The squealing voice of the little girl caught the attention of the five men who were just approaching the front door to the vast home. The three year old didn't seem to understand how to regulate her voice yet meaning that she was practically shouting as if she wanted the whole neighbourhood to know her dad was coming home.

When the grey front door slowly swung open, Ben took two steps inside before he quickly shrugged off the large velvety black overcoat he wore day in and day out. The daily routine he went through had become second nature he no longer had to think about.

His hands automatically went to the holsters that clung to his shoulders but instead of removing the straps, he removed the two guns he always carried on his person. His wrists rotated and his hands moved behind his back, dropping the guns into the hands of one of his men who was walking in behind him. As soon as his hands were free, Ben's arms moved out in front of him to pick up his little girl who was unevenly running on short stubby legs to get to him.

None of the kids knew Ben carried guns on him and that was how it needed to stay. The moment Ben stepped into his home or even the moment he pulled in the drive, the guns were hidden away out of sight and reach.

When Ben stepped over the threshold of his home, he changed from the man everyone feared to the family man everyone adored. And the workers who went back with him changed from the fearing men who did as they were told to close friends of the family who were always there as friends, rather than workers to be bossed around.

"Hey there, princess. Miss me?" Ben pressed his curving lips to the side of Lilah's head, brushing her hazel brown hair behind her ear, noticing how thin it seemed compared to when he brushed his fingers through the boys' hair.

"I miss you! I told Beck it was you but he not believe me."

"That's because I'm early, where's your mum princess? I need to talk to her and make sure she's okay."

Ben bounced his only girl on his hip, brushing his crooked nose against her cheek to tickle her and make her squeal. He remembered when Lilah first started to speak properly, she would trace his nose and ask why it 'was bent.' The little girl didn't understand that Ben's nose was slightly bumpy and crooked because the bone had been broken far too many times when fighting and it had healed at a bad angle. Not that it messed up the look of his features in any way, it was only visible when up close but it fascinated Lilah.

"Kitchen, Theo and James are up in playroom." Lilah pointed in the right direction before she leaned her head against Ben, making a noise and a fuss of kissing his cheek. Knowing that when she did that, Ben would copy her and lavish her with kisses.

"Daddy, you're back, and you brought uncle Joey." The excited tone to Beckett's voice made Ben's lips curl up at the corners and he reached his free hand out to ruffle the familiar dirty blond hair that matched his own.

"Princess, go with Beck and stay with uncle Joe for me so I can have a word with your mum please."

A whine left Lilah's lips but she complied when Ben kissed her temple and set her down to her feet. He waited until she took Joe's hand and the two kids dragged him to go and find their brothers before Ben carried on to the kitchen. He knew without looking that Gwilym would be following him to see (Y/n) whereas the other two of his workers were simply here for added precaution and protection. Ben liked protection when he was home after a particularly bad day at work or when business was in full swing just in case they were being watched or followed. He couldn't afford for anything to happen to his family.

Ben would have been at work for a lot longer today but (Y/n) had called asking if there was any way he could come home because she wasn't well. And she never called when he was at work so Ben knew she must be rather under the weather to call and ask for him to come home.

He could do nothing but do as his wife requested. She was seven months pregnant and Ben didn't want to leave her home alone with four children to look after when she wasn't well, it would hardly be fair of him to do that.

"Hey doll... everything okay there?"

When Ben stepped into the rather large kitchen it didn't take him long to set his sights on his wife but when he saw her, he couldn't help how the panic spread through his system. (Y/n) had her forearms leaning on one of the counters near to the sink with her lower back arched out but it was the way she was breathing heavy and the pained look on her face that set alarm bells off in Ben's head. She had been in a bit of discomfort this morning but she had seemed well in herself and didn't look or seem ill or else he wouldn't have left in the first place.

Ben glided over the polished tiled floor to get to (Y/n), resting a hand on her lower back which he began rubbing soothing circles onto whilst his other hand rested on the counter to steady himself. He leaned his head down to try and get a better look at (Y/n) before she tilted her head to look up at him.

"I- I'm getting t-twitches... and I've been sick a lot..." (Y/n) lifted her eyes to lock with Ben's, seeing her silent message conveying into his eyes immediately when his own eyes narrowed and his lip curled up in distaste.

"Right... well let's get you sat down doll and if you start to get worse Gwil can ring the doctor and we can get you checked out. Joe's got the kids for now anyway." Ben's tone was concerning and loving and his calm demeanour made (Y/n) feel better already but she could see the look behind his eyes. The defensive, dismissive look that showed he wanted to ignore what she had told him and say that this was something else which they both were sure it just had to be.

When (Y/n) went into labour it always started as twinging pain in her lower back or her stomach and through most of their four labours (Y/n) had thrown up quite a lot or felt some kind of indigestion. She was hoping and praying this was not the start of labour because they were far too early and there had been no other signs or warnings of labour before now. (Y/n) had done nothing that would push her into labour this early and there was no reason for it.

But even if this was just her coming down with a sickness bug, she needed Ben here regardless so he could help her and help look after the kids.

(Y/n) let Ben ease her weight into his arms so he could straighten her up and try to guide her but the moment she took one step away from the sink a small but desperate murmuring noise escaped her lips. Her body hunched back over and her head almost hit the bottom of the sink as she threw up what little she had left in her stomach.

She felt Ben's arms shifting to circle around her waist, his hand smoothing over her lower stomach to try and settle the baby when he felt them moving too. He pressed his chest up to her back before he kissed the top of her head to try and calm her down because he could feel the way (Y/n) was trembling and whining, she never took well to being sick.

"Alright doll just try and breathe for me, shh, you're okay." He whispered quietly against (Y/n)'s hair when she started to moan, shaking her head as she pulled back from the sink.

He could hear how laboured her breaths were which showed she was still unsure if she was going to throw up again or not and she looked like holding her head up was too hard of a task as if her head weighed too much to lift. But before Ben even managed to say two more words, his arms tightened and went stiff around (Y/n) when one of her hands clamped around his and the other braced on the edge of the counter.

A sharp cry escaped (Y/n)'s lips as her head fell down so she was staring at her feet, her body pushing back into Ben's chest like she wanted him to hold her tighter and reassure her that she wasn't going to fall or become hurt.

"Doll- doll what's wrong?!" Ben's chin pressed down against (Y/n)'s shoulder so he could turn his head and look at her but the fright in her eyes was more than he could bear to look at. She kept pushing back into his chest like she wanted to mould against him or make him hold her tighter like she was going to fall or break but he didn't know why.

A huffed breath escaped his lips when he could do nothing but go down on his knees, slowly and cautiously easing (Y/n) down with him when all her weight fell onto him and she had no energy to keep herself upright. But the moment they were both down on the kitchen floor, (Y/n)'s hands went to cradle her stomach as a cry erupted from her lips.

"Gwil call the fucking doctor now!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Turning her head to the left, (Y/n) buried her face in Ben's chest, smothering a sob in his shirt as she wished this would end soon. All four of them had been here for near enough twenty four hours now and it was beginning to get to a point where it felt too much for (Y/n).

Her skin was blotched red and dotted with sweat, her body was burning up like she was sitting on a coal fire and she could feel nothing below the waist. Anna had stacked up pillows behind her to try and alleviate the pain in her lower back that had been hurting for so long now that it was beginning to turn numb.

Anna had also gathered some sheets and towels, spreading them on the bed ready and there was a bowl of warm water and a cloth on the table for if the doctor needed them. Although with (Y/n) burning a rather high temperature a jug of ice cold water had been brought in to try and cool down her burning skin. Everyone in the house was grateful that the doctor had arrived so swiftly and seemed to have the situation completely under control.

It had come as a great shock and a terrible worry for everyone when the doctor arrived after (Y/n) collapsed, only to tell them that she was going into early labour. (Y/n) had gone through labour four times already but none of those times had been premature, she had either gone into labour the week of her due date or a week late.

Ben's mother Anna knew what a grave business it was to have a baby this premature and she knew that it wasn't a good sign for (Y/n) or the baby. She was already burning a high fever and had had a small bleed earlier, if any complications arose during this stressful labour (Y/n) could deteriorate or have a haemorrhage that could endanger her health. Not to mention how badly the baby was going to be affected by being born this early.

Ben pressed his free hand to (Y/n)'s neck, kissing the top of her head repeatedly to try and calm her down because he could do little else but provide support.

(Y/n) tightened her hand around his own as she moved so she was leaning back against the pillows instead of Ben, wishing she could sink and disappear into the feathered pillows. She could feel Anna dabbing at her neck and forehead with the ice cold water she had just retrieved from the bathroom but as soothing as it felt, it made (Y/n) feel like she was going into shock. She tried to scream but it came out rather defeated from the lack of energy and the searing pain.

"H-how much longer?" There was such a pleading tone to (Y/n)'s voice as she looked over at the doctor sitting by her knees.

He had been her doctor since before she had married Ben and he was the one to deliver all four of their children. Any complication that arose, he took care of and he was so kind and compassionate as well as skilled and he always knew what to do. It was calming to (Y/n) that he was here right now when it was clear that this wasn't going to go smoothly.

"Not much longer, (Y/n). The head will be born soon." His voice was calming and his expression was nothing but concerning as he looked level-headed and in control. But it was Ben who could see the fear behind the elder man's eyes. He could see the panic about the situation and the fear that if this went wrong, he would be the doctor who would have to sign a death certificate. He did not want to be the one to declare Ben's child dead, not when he knew what kind of a man Ben was.

Ben was a killer, he was a mobster in the doctor's eyes. He made people suffer, he had men who were loyal to him both because they respected him but majorly because they feared what he would do to them if they weren't. He played on fear and loved to punish people who annoyed, hurt, or went against him. The rings on his fingers were forever polished and cleaned because of the amount of blood that got splattered onto them, half of the tattoos on his body were symbols or death counts and he gained most of his money from going against the law.

But despite all of this, there was some part of Doctor Lloyd that had a slither of respect for Ben.

Maybe it was because he had seen how Ben was when he was around (Y/n). He treated her like she was the only good person in the world, the only person he ever wanted to see or talk to or who was worth anything to him. Whatever was troubling (Y/n) troubled Ben, whatever she was happy or excited about made him happy. Her happiness was what he strived for and the love he had for her was the only kind of love he had, no one else could bring out the good in him like she could.

Their four children were no exception either. Ben may sometimes be harsh with or around them, but they were loved and respected and brought up in a loving environment contrary to the kind of life Ben led. He loved his family, they were the one thing that meant everything to Ben and the one thing he held dear to him. And for that, Lloyd held respect for Ben.

He didn't want to see (Y/n) heartbroken beyond repair from losing a child and he did not want to find out how Ben would react to a loss like this.

No one knew exactly how long (Y/n) would be in labour for, the moment the doctor arrived and confirmed that there was nothing that could be done to prevent this, panic spread through the house. Ben was admittedly one of the many people who thought that since this was a very early and complicated labour, and the added fact that this was their fifth child, it would be quick. But they had been cooped up in this room for a day, none of them having eaten, slept, washed or changed in that time. All of them were too preoccupied in trying to alleviate the pain and terror (Y/n) was feeling.

Ben had barely gotten back from being out with his men when (Y/n) had suddenly collapsed in pain. He had called his mum to come and help and most of his men had left whereas his close workers had stayed to help with the kids and in case they could help with anything. Joe and Gwilym were Ben's closest friends as well as working under him, they were uncles to the kids so it was only natural that they would stay and look after them so Anna could help (Y/n) and the doctor. 

But now they were getting very close to having their baby in their arms and Ben didn't want this moment to arrive. As long as their baby was still in the womb they had more of a chance and a hope of them being alive and okay. If they were born this early, it was unlikely they were going to survive.

"Come on now (Y/n), another push for me."

(Y/n) did as asked, pressing her chin into her chest as she snapped her eyes closed, trying to ignore the pain that was consuming her but it didn't work very well. She wanted this to be over, she wanted their baby to be delivered right now or for this to wait another two months so everything would be alright.

(Y/n) jolted at the sudden feeling of the cold wash cloth pressing against her thighs but the cold temperature against her skin did feel nice.

"Another sheet." The doctor's voice was stern and ordering compared to his usual calm and caring demeanour, giving away that now his nerves were getting the better of him.

This man had delivered countless babies, dealt with many surgeries and complications and illnesses during his time as a doctor. He had sadly dealt with babies and even the mothers dying during childbirth, but this time it felt different. There was fear tugging at his heart this time, he felt as if something horrifying would take place if the child or even (Y/n) were to die, especially whilst their lives were placed into his hands. It was as if he had been given something so precious and he knew if he broke it, Ben would break him in return. He was the best doctor there was for this situation and he was the only doctor the couple wanted but that was terrifying for the man of sixty. He didn't want to see (Y/n), a lovely young woman he had known for some time, go through the grief of losing her baby or worse still, die herself.

Narrowing his eyes, Ben dared himself to lean forwards to look at what was making the doctor's defences go up but his breath caught in his throat when he realised why another sheet was needed. The one beneath (Y/n)'s legs was stained with blood.

The doctor briefly locked eyes with Ben before he focused back on the task at hand. He scrunched up the bloodied sheet and threw it on the floor with the used towels and flannels before he and Anna made quick work of placing the clean sheet beneath (Y/n)'s lower half. The amount of blood (Y/n) had shed onto the sheet was not a good sign that this was going smoothly like they were all praying.

Ben kept his eyes on the cream coloured sheet that had been placed beneath (Y/n)'s lower half, his nostrils flaring as he locked his jaw at seeing how quickly blood seemed to soak into it.

"I need some hot water bottles prepared."

At the doctor's command, Anna left the room to find one of Ben's workers who could make themselves useful by getting what the doctor required. There were four of Ben's men in the house, Joe and Gwilym were here to be with the kids and the other two were here for added help and security.

"Ben..."

"Shh, it's alright love. You'll be fine." Ben hushed, pressing his lips to her forehead as he brushed a few strands of hair behind her ear. She interlocked their hands together as her other hand pressed to her stomach, wishing the pain would go away. She could hear the firmness in Ben's tone that implied he was going to ensure she would be perfectly fine and although (Y/n) knew Ben couldn't make sure that happened, the determination in his voice soothed one of her many nerves.

"Push again for me, the head's almost born."

Ben hooked his arm around (Y/n)'s waist to help her sit up, his other hand still interlocked with her own. He moved her so she was leaning against his chest as (Y/n) both moaned and screamed at the agony that was tearing through her muscles. Letting out a sharp breath, (Y/n) closed her eyes as she buried her face into Ben's neck, feeling him muttering praise against the top of her head.

"Okay, the head's born."

With a deep breath, the doctor leaned across the bed and grabbed one of the towels resting near to Ben, but when their eyes locked panic spread through Ben's nerves at seeing the blood drenching the doctor's hands.

(Y/n) started to push again on the next contraction like the doctor had advised but she felt like she was becoming lightheaded. Ben kept his hand entwined with hers but moved his arms so they were wrapped around her waist, holding her to his chest. A scream that couldn't be heard in (Y/n)'s ears left her lips as her body convulsed on the last push that seemed to make such a weight drop from her previously heavy stomach and relieved a weight on her lower back.

The doctor nodded at Ben, a silent signal that the baby was born.

With a deep breath, he rested the tiny, wrinkled baby onto the blanket on his lap, watching the tiny being curl up like it was trying to pretend to still be in the womb. He rubbed his hand up and down the newborn's back, keeping the towel tightly round the tiny newborn to make sure they didn't get a chill into their weak system.

"You have another boy." The doctor looked between the restless couple, one of whom was losing all the colour in her features as she was cradled by her other half.

"Is he...?" Ben couldn't find it in himself to say the question that had been plaguing him since the moment (Y/n) felt the first pain of labour. Their baby could have been stillborn, have any number of complications or illnesses from being this early or worst of all, could die as soon as the first breath entered their lungs. Ben didn't know which was worse.

He had three boys and one girl and somehow he just knew this baby was going to be a boy to make sure that his little girl stayed his one and only princess. Ben loved having boys, he loved little versions of him running around the place but his Lilah was his little girl that he doted on. But it didn't matter to him that he had won the bet he and (Y/n) had over the gender of their fifth child. He cared whether their youngest child was okay and if they were going to survive. They had never lost or come close to losing any of their babies and Ben did not want to start now.

"He's breathing, but very shallow... I'm afraid there is very little I can do for him. Time will give tell his fate."

The doctor made quick work of cutting the umbilical cord before he pressed his stethoscope to the newborn's chest, listening to his frail but beating heart. Very little in the ways of medicine could be done for a baby that was born early, opiates wouldn't do much but quieten the baby down and make the newborn less likely to feed which isn't what they needed. Any medicine would be too strong for such a frail baby, especially one who was only just born. Steroids may help him develop but there was no telling what it would do to his system when he was already do weak and frail. Hospital wouldn't be able to do anything but put him in a warm incubator to regulate his temperature and watch to see if the baby would survive or become too weak to continue fighting.

When there was a timid knock at the door, Anna was quick to retrieve the hot water bottles from one of Ben's workers before shooing him away from the room. Not wanting him to catch a glimpse of the couple or their newborn in peril.

"Right, the hot water bottles need to be placed around (Y/n)'s abdomen to help stem the bleeding. And one should be wrapped in a towel and placed against the baby's back. Take him and keep him warm, do not leave him for a second, he must be watched over, these first few hours are crucial."

Anna busied herself setting the hot water bottles against (Y/n)'s stomach, dotting one either side of her lower stomach and one under her lower back. The heat should help soothe her skin even though she was running a fever and it was hoped to help stem the bleeding.

But just as Anna was about to move and take the newborn from the doctor's waiting arms, she stopped in fright when Ben's hand held her shoulder to stop her.

"I'll take him."

Ben's voice was so stern but it was frightening to hear the way his voice cracked as he spoke. He wanted his boy, he wanted his baby in his arms to make sure he was okay and so he could look after him properly and personally. Ben loved his mother, despite their differences she was like (Y/n) in the sense that she knew exactly what he got up to but she paid no mind to it. She treated him normally like he was a simple family man and just like he was her son, she was here to love and help him and his family. But right now, Ben wanted to be the one to hold his baby boy for his first few hours and to watch over him in case he didn't make it.

Each time that Ben had held his children for the first time, the pride, love and overwhelming emotion that swarmed his usually black heart always made him breathless and teary. But it was how delicate, breakable and deathly sick his baby boy was that was making Ben want to cry. If he settled his baby boy down in a cot for even a minute, he could easily pass away without their knowledge. For the next few days or even weeks, the newborn was going to have to be closely watched and monitored, if he even managed to survive more than a few hours.

The hot water bottle pressed against the blanket was burning against Ben's left arm but he barely felt the heat, all he could feel was how weightless his son was in his arms. Theo had been a big baby weighing just over eight pounds, then they had James who was seven pounds eight ounces. Beckett was six pounds five ounces and Lilah was exactly six pounds. But all of them had been a loving weight in Ben's arms, unlike the baby he was holding now who could barely be more than four pounds if he was lucky. His head was small and his body was wrinkled and trembling. His hand could barely wrap around Ben's index finger.

The newborn was grey in colour with fluids and a substantial amount of blood coating his fresh but very delicate skin. Ben rested his youngest child in the crook of his arm, making sure he was supported and stable before he dared to dab at the newborn's skin with a warm, damp cloth. He knew to be careful, not wanting to brush his skin too hard and remove any of the delicate and needed layers, but he wanted to clean the blood and fluids from his baby.

It sounded as if his boy was trying to cry but all that came out was a cough that cackled like there was static in his lungs. But all that mattered to Ben was that he was alive and he was trying to stay that way, showing them he had a voice no matter how fragile it was.

Ben's eyes diverted from his baby to his wife when a quiet moan left (Y/n)'s lips and he realised it was because the doctor had given her an injection in her lower stomach.

The sheet beneath (Y/n) was yet again changed, meaning two sheets and God knows how many towels were now going to be burned with how blood-stained they were. That was nothing new to the family with Ben's line of work and what he got up to. Ben could see (Y/n) was still bleeding but it didn't look as substantial as it had been a few minutes earlier.

His wife had turned as pale and bleak as the damp cream ceiling above them, her eyes were half-lidded, swollen and red. Her lips were cracked and her breathing was going from erratic to shallow more times than Ben dared to think about. But she looked more at ease and she was no longer in tremendous pain. Anna and doctor Lloyd helped to ease (Y/n) so she was laying down rather than sitting up and they made sure she was wrapped up in blankets and the hot water bottles were soothing her scorching skin.

When Ben locked eyes with the doctor, he kept his tiny newborn resting in his arms and carefully got to his feet, moving over so he was standing near to the door to have a word with the doctor.

"I gave (Y/n) something that will stop the bleeding but she's lost a lot of blood, she needs plenty of fluids and any food you can manage to get down her. If her fever burns any higher or she suddenly goes cold and into shock then call me straight away. Other than that, she needs rest and to be taken care of which I know you will do."

"And my boy?" Ben gently moved his arms to motion to the newborn he was cradling.

"Ben, I- I don't think he will make it to morning, his lungs aren't developed enough and it's making breathing a struggle. If he makes it through the night then I'll assess him tomorrow and we can talk about further steps. I'm so sorry.."

Lloyd could see that his words had brought out the darker, defensive side of Ben that arose when his family were threatened. His upper lip curled in disgust and the way his emerald eyes darkened made Lloyd shrink before the taller man. Ben gave off a very worrying aura but right now with his nose crinkled, his lips snarling like a rabid dog and his shoulders hunched, the only thing making the doctor feel safe was the baby in Ben's arms that looked very out of place.

"I know you have to prepare people for the worst, but I don't want my son talked about as if he's a lost cause already. He's here in my arms and he's breathing so he is your patient and you have a duty to care for him now, not tomorrow or the next day. What can I do?"

Ben's son was breathing, his heart was beating and he was curling up into the warmth Ben was providing. He wasn't dead nor was he really dying, at least not yet, so Ben wanted to talk as if his son had the best chance of survival. He wanted to know what he could do to help, even if it was just something small or seemingly insignificant.

"Keep him warm, if his breathing sounds croaky then rub his back to keep his lungs going. If he makes it more than a few hours then a first feed will give you a good chance, don't leave him unattended even if he's sleeping always hold him. I'll be back tomorrow afternoon, unless you call me before then."

Ben nodded, turning his back when Anna moved to show the doctor out and thank him for all the help and support he had provided over the past day.

All Ben cared about now was the baby he was cradling in his arms who was breathing and whimpering into Ben's lower chest. The newborn was no longer trembling and his breathing was a little more even and paced, if still croaky and a bit forced. He was alive and he was settling in Ben's arms, he wasn't in pain or slipping away or already dead and that was all Ben could wish for right now and it was more than enough for him.

With a tired sigh, Ben eased himself down into the chair next to the window that allowed him to be within the sight of the moon but still close to (Y/n)'s side in case she needed anything and just so he could keep a watch over her.

He brushed his finger over his son's cheek, wishing that his touch would somehow bring colour to the flesh and that he could soothe his boy and hope he knew who was holding him.

"You're our fourth boy, you know. I've got an army of boys and one little princess to spoil and look after. We've had four babies and not lost any of them, I'll die first before losing any of my kids. You'll be okay."