#im not vaguing you or blaming you or anything this is a me problem. this is a Me Thing

[brainrotdotorg]

.

i hate getting these random waves of just Shit Feeling its like just seeing a few bad posts in a row is enough to put me in a poor mood. trying to do some comms work in order to feel productive and accomplish some stuff/just take a few things off the mental burner but writing is weird and hard . i was feeling so good earlier today what happened????? im just so low all of a sudden. this has been happening more and more frequently and its making me worried. i really really really really hope this isnt depression coming back ive been free of that for years now but this feels a lot like how that felt, like kind of just listless and hopeless at the same time. top notch isnt exactly how ill describe how ive been if im sparing the gory details but to be honest this year hasn't been off to an extremely banger start.

im going out to a gay bar tonight, so hopefully i will be able to dance and party and have fun there but i dont think any of my friends want to come with me. i put out the invite to multiple different groups n none of them really said anything in response to my offer. im gonna make myself go either way so i can try and socialize or at least enjoy some music

[lesbianutena]

seeing people go on about how naive and foolish and blind and stupid utena is and i’m just sitting here like. she’s 14! i disagree strongly with the idea that utena is willfully or maliciously ignorant. like yes, while i think she does often fail to fully comprehend whats happening (especially in the last arc) she’s also finding herself in increasingly horrifying and new situations with no point of reference for how abnormal it all is?? she is doing her very best to make sense of things as a 14 year old child who has no parental figures or guardians, no friends who aren’t also somehow in on the manipulation happening to her, nowhere to go outside of ohtori. and that is on top of trying to navigate her experiences and identity as a queer and gnc person!!!! i feel like folks are wildly overestimating the comprehension the average closeted teenage lesbian has of systematic heteropatriarchiarcal cycles of abuse! she’s literally 14!!! save the scorn for the willfully ignorant for akio

[careful-please]

His hand is poised to knock, loose fist stopped mid air when he hears a crash from behind the door. With everything that has happened to her during her time at the base he really can't be blamed for the huge spike of fear that shoots through him. He immediately opens the door, his other hand already reaching out to help her.

"Beth-"

Instead of his worst fears, he is greeted with the sight of her pale, plump thighs wiggling her rump in the air as she reaches over the side of the bed for something that had obviously fallen, cursing mildly as she sits back to scowl at it in her hand. The oversized hoodie she wore was the only thing protecting her modesty and the cursed thought that she might not be wearing any knickers refused to let him think of anything for a solid minute before he forced himself to focus.

"Lass, are you alright?" He asked while fighting back a deep flush and averting his gaze from the sight of her long, pale legs.

"Oh. Captain. Yes I'm fine. Do you need something?" She tilted her head slightly while looking up at him.

"I- no I just- i heard a crash but I guess it was a false alarm. " He rubbed the back of his neck as he finished. 

"Oh yeah.  Just me being a clutz again. Nothing bad." She was fidgeting with the hoodie, expression barely hiding her frustration.

" You know you can talk to me about anything, sweetheart. You don't have to bottle it up. Im sorry you had to experience that. I discharged him, so it shouldn't be a problem ever again. "

"Ah. Well I'm just frustrated about my shorts. They were my favorite. " she sighed heavily. " The boys tried to make me feel better. But everything has just been off since. Feels almost like they wasted their efforts. And that makes me feel guilty, I don't want it to be a waste. Just- nothing is going right since that-." She makes a vague gesture.

Price nods in understanding.

"I understand. Im sorry you're feeling frustrated." He runs a hand through his hair. "I wish I knew how to help. "

She perks up and pats the bed beside her, silently beckoning he to sit as she speaks.

"It's enough knowing you care so much. I really appreciate everything you do for me. I still feel helpless sometimes and it's comforting to know I can lean on the team. I feel like a burden but there's not much I can do about all this. Hunting the people who tortured me and ghost will take time. I just wish I could fight with you."

"Bunny, I never want you in harms way. You aren't a burden. You are the most amazing woman I have ever met. But you are still just a civilian. Im not going to put a gun in your hands. Never."

Price wraps an arm around her in comfort, drawing her close. She lays her head on his shoulder and sighs gently.

"I know you don't want to, but with how determined life is to hurt me, you may not have a choice one day. I ought to know the basics at least. If nothing else, I should know how to engage the safety on any gun."

"Well,  maybe. But I'm not letting you shoot any of them. " he concedes with a huff.

"Awww come on. " she whines, trying to looks at him with puppy dog eyes. It's ruined by the grin she tries to hide unsuccessfully.

" Nope. Not gonna happen, Bunny. Not on my watch." Price shakes his head firmly.

She looks down at their legs pressed together and shifts from side to side.

"But we aren't on your watch. I think you left it in your desk." Now her grin is obvious and cheeky.

Price tries hard to keep a stern look of disapproval but can't help a grin of his own.

" Bunny." He warns.

"Aww come on.  That was clever and you know it."

Price just shakes his head again.  They stay like that for a few moments until Price can no longer resist.

"Why aren't you wearing any bottoms?"

"Ah. Just got out the shower. "

"Oh. I see. ...."

She looks at him expectantly.

"......are you....?" He nods at her lap.

This grin is salacious.

"Wanna find out?" She winks.

His face is quickly turns red as he groans.

"Seriously?! Why must you be such a bloody tease?"

" Because I'm your Bunny. You love it anyway. " she giggles.

He growls as he moves to push her onto the bed and leaves kisses all over her face and neck.

" Your going to be the death of me." He grumbles half heartedly. One of his hands sliding up her thigh to confirm she is,  in fact, not wearing knickers.

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

not sure if im alone on this but the taglines in animorphs always kinda pissed me off?? like how is "make a change for the better" representative of The Reunion? could they /really/ not think of any sort of vaguely-robot-related tagline for The Android? Yes, the actual titles range from completely random (I believe The Warning falls in that category iirc?) to "only makes sense in retrospect" (The Forgotten), but the taglines are straight-up just random sayings about change 50% of the time

Oh yeah, I am with you as part of the large, large contingent of Animorphs fans who find the covers super frustrating:

Like you said, the punny taglines tend to have little to do with the book itself, and are often jarringly wrong in tone (#3 is "Now you see them, now you don't"; #14 is "Never underestimate the power of a morph.")

The summaries are often spoiler-ific (#19) or focused completely differently from the book itself (#23).

Nobody likes the phrase "the other Animorphs and Ax." David (David!) also gets described as "the sixth Animorph" when Ax has already been there for 15 friggin' books.

Jake and Rachel's cover models are fine, but the other four don't match the books' descriptions of the characters that well.

Visser stars Visser One but has Visser Three on the cover. There are several other instances of especially the inside covers not matching the scenes in the books where those morphs appear.

However, those problems can probably be blamed ~95% on the speed at which the books were being published. I've speculated that those summaries may have even been put together by people who had never read the book in question. Not due to laziness, but just because the book itself didn't exist at the time when they had to hastily throw a cover together.

So imagine you're some Scholastic intern who's gotta put that cover together, and you don't know anything about a book except maybe a one-sentence summary. ("A girl named Cassie and her team the Animorphs — four fellow humans named Tobias, Rachel, Jake, and Marco; along with a blue alien named Ax — transform into horses to infiltrate a military base to prevent alien invaders from putting evil slugs into the brains of the leaders.") Honestly, given those constraints, it's nearly miraculous that the covers turned out as good as they did. And it is understandable that the word "Animorph" got mistranslated as "human who morphs" rather than "member of this team of kids who fight yeerks." Hence "the other Animorphs and Ax" and "David, the sixth Animorph."

It is still frustrating that the covers are so misaligned with the books, because we do know that people judge those books by their covers and that that's been a major barrier in the attempted revival of the series. (To say nothing of all the semi-racist memes.) But the characters' names are spelled right, the body horror of the series is accurately advertised, Cassie and Marco have cover models of the right ethnicities, and details like andalites having 6+ fingers per hand miraculously come through. I'll take what I can get.

[prettyboykatsuki]

Hii plz just ignore this if you’re uncomfortable or reply to it if you'd like to reply I really would appreciate it but I just need to get some stuff out of my chest

I feel so so bad I just cant see whats the point in my life anymore I feel as if Im just consuming and not giving anything in return I feel useless I dont know how to take a joke or how to make one I dont know how to express my feelings and emotions properly and people keep getting the wrong ideas and Im tired of explaining anything to anyone and I feel as if all of my friends aren’t really there like Im just a passing person on their life I keep losing people and I keep leaving people afraid of them leaving me sometimes and I dont get what the hell is wrong with me sometimes I wish I was never born or if I were someone else but then again I wish I had the power to keep moving and make my life better but I cant even do that I study day and night and I dont get the grade that I want while some people I knew spends their whole life on social media and they are getting full grades literally I feel like Im useless in every aspect of life and I know I shouldn’t be complaining and there are people who have it worse but I really needed to get that out of my chest and I can’t trust anyone of the people I know to tell them all of this also Im going through exams and shit so I just feel really pressured and all

Anyway thank you if you wasted your time reading this or not it doesn’t matter but I really enjoy your writings as well they make me feel alive so thank you for existing🩵

hello!

i thought for a long time today on how to reply to this. or if i should. get asks like this that are triggering can be very tricky to navigate, because on one had it is hard for me. and on the other, i care and have sympathy for you. and i think sometimes, it is easier to reach out to stranger about how you feel than people you love. so i would never blame you for that, or want to make you feel worse.

mostly, i want to say i am unqualified to help you completely. because im just a person who's live a vague concept of a life. take my words with a grain of salt.

i think the most important thing for you to remember is that everything you are experiencing is temporary. and i dont say that to dismiss you, but because i think it worth examining everything in your life and thinking that when it gets to be too much. you are worrying about so much at once, but you'll disillusion yourself in that process.

suffering, pain, excitement, joy. these are all very temporary things to feel, even when they seem like they'll go on forever. they are big, abstract concepts that will torment you near relentless if you let them. the only thing that you have with you concretely, is what you are able to do right now.

i wont tell you that life will immediately get better because to make a life that doesn't make you suffer takes so much time. it is so much work to build a good life and it is constant work - but never impossible. but i think it will quell the pain a little to take a deep breath and slow down to process what you're experiencing, which is a big brush of hopelessness that is so encompassing.

everything feels hopeless because you trying to tackle everything all at once. to me, it doesn't sound like you want to die. it sounds like you want it to be easier. it sounds like you want to burden the lessen, which ultimately means you desire a life. and you sound like you're trying very hard to do that all while worrying about everything else at the same time.

i dont know if i have any advice for you. any good advice, but if i could urge you do anything - it would be to take a deep breath and remember it will pass. it always does. and after that, sort your problems out one by one. and once you've done it, pick the thing that is most urgent that you can change, and start to work towards it. do it slowly and try to keep everything else out of your mind.

if you fail, forgive yourself. you have to forgive yourself. sometimes, the only thing you are able to do is live. or try to live. that doesn't make you useless. no human beings worth is measured by what they can and cannot do. you wouldn't love someone based on what they do but who they are.

and maybe you don't like who you are. maybe your friends aren't the right fit. maybe it will be lonely for a while. you can change it. you can find something new or maybe it will teach you to like your own company. it will pass and you will come out of the other side. but the only way to change those things is to try, and sometimes fail, and to forgive yourself after that and then try more. the world is not ending you just have to take it one day at a time.

it will be fine because everything passes unwillingly. and eventually this will just be another bad day. you're not useless. give yourself some grace for trying. and i hope it gets easier.

[prjctstarfall]

I don't know If I could be one of her last victims but happened directly yesterday!. Let me give context because it will sound like is a prank and you will be like 'The fuck'. From the beginning. I was in a server with her and Toastie. Okay cool. from there nice. There server was mine. It was a little server. Okay. From there nothing much, after the fight of her and Toastie. I deleted it because I don't want bad vibes not deal with problems that are not mine I have my own problems to deal with other people problems. Understandable. I was roleplaying with her, but her reply never came back, But that's not it. The thing is that yesterday she was vague posting, like always. But there was a post THAT SHE DELETED Because probably she knew she fucked up. About children muses and pedophiles. My muses are adults but I have a ship with someone and my muses had children with them And we both agred on that. But my point is. WHY AFTER WRITTING THAT POST YESTERDAY, she blocked me on discord and everywhere? Like. If she is acussing me of that. Without proof. And I was supossed her friend. That I didn't have much contact with her or Toastie anymore? (Because I am fucking studying and I have energy for some things and others don't. I don't want to be hearing of cries all the time) Sure! Don't have the contact anymore. But Acuse someone of Pedophilia because you get bored.... I don't know. But at least have recieps of it. Because having a ship muse FOR ONE PERSON BECAUSE IS THEIR KID. Logic? Where? If it was a missunderstanding, she would have approached AT LEAST I HOPE SHE WOULD. What a minimun of education and respect to do that. At least to apologize if it was a missunderstanding. But I think it was to to try to get attention again. And I am glad that she showed her true nature with me. Because if she tries to say shit, she better own it, not was she the one that says 'I say everything on the face' Yes of course An I am a victoria Secret's angel. But you know what? It was my fault for being a fucking idiot. I am the only one to blame here for being nice. But not anymore. Anyways that was my two cents. Thank you for your time and sorry this is as big as the fucking Quixote, but yeah this needed context. And I am not asking for callouts or anything, no. I'm not like that, but she must own her words and to not acuse people of things like it because she will harm someone one day or she could anger the wrong person and then she will regret it.

Hi Bel / peavhypessa ! Been a while since we've heard from you since you called actual victims of horrible things the slur "Gringo", not all of them being white! Would've been really peachy if you had apologized for that first instead of coming only to "speak out" against Star! :) You know? Would've been really appreciated since you were just a tad bit racist over people rightfully calling out Star and Loke!

Also didn't you kick Star out of your server without warning before she soft blocked you ( after she found out gringo was being used as a slur by you )? Also are you referring to this post over the pedophilia stuff because she didn't call anyone a pedophile. She just pointed out a very real issue folks who rp minor characters face. I know your english isn't good so I'm just going to clear that up. She said OTHER people tend to do that sooooo yeah!

Maybe you should contact @hxllishrebuke since our ims don't work due to there being multiple mods for this blog! But they're willing to try and help you understand the situation. :)

[maschotch]

Nah nah nah nah bc I NEED to know what hotch's deal was with fire related cases??????? HE WAS ALWAYS WAY MORE EMOTIONAL IF IT WAS A FIRE BUT THEY NEVER DID ANYTHING WITH IT SO WHATS THE DEAL WITH THAT HUH?? there were at least 3 separate episodes w/ fire plots, all pretty far apart from each other, and he had pretty much the same reaction to each of them that isn't a coincidence like you know the writers did that on purpose I just wish they gave us more info abt it. ALSO I wish the team like cared more???? BC it's pretty obvious that he gets way more antsy during these cases are you telling me no one notices????? Such a wasted opportunity for more character interactions and I'll never forgive them for constantly depriving us of this. I miss Gideon.

ok but fr?? bc it goes unmentioned by eeeeeveryone except gideon and unnoticed by eeeeeeveryone at the bau (except emily in that one ep but they still kinda hated each other so she didnt say shit and just kinda forgot about it, and derek in that other ep but only in the “im gonna act upset and blame hotch for his problems bc idk how to address my own fears/concerns/trauma when it comes to the way i care about the lowkey-suicidal kinda-father-figure bc i have problems” way) which is insane to me considering they’re all profilers?? i think it’s partly bc they unknowingly avoid profiling hotch (either out of respect or discomfort) and partly bc they’ve grown complacent taking hotch’s usual stoicism and “unmovable object” energy for granted as a permanent, impermeable pillar in their lives, almost to the point where they dehumanize him. they don’t like questioning their grounding anchor’s potential for weaknesses bc they depend on his unshakable solidity for their own emotional wellbeing. it’s much easier to intentionally overlook his humanity when they use his unflappability for their own emotional recalibration. which is fucked up for hotch? he’s really gotta play the part of the cool collected unit chief at all times. but then, he’s already used to putting his emotional problems on the back burner. ANYWAY thats just my excuse for why NO ONE FUCKING SAYS ANYTHING ABOUT IT EVER

it’s subtle—bc most interesting things ab hotch are vague at best—but he really does act different during cases involving fire. he’s on edge, distracted, less patient, snippy, or vulnerable in uncharacteristic ways. saying “i wish the writers had given us more ab hotch’s backstory” is redundant at best, but all these hints painting a picture of tragedy makes me want to know mooooore. like.. what were they thinking?? did the writers have anything specific in mind or were they content w ambiguity? it really seems like such a waste, especially when he’s clearly had an apparently very busy life. southern mom, distant younger brother, an abusive father who died in at least three different ways, coin collector, theater kid, troubled teenager, boarding school, apprehension towards fire, following his father’s footsteps and becoming a very successful lawyer, getting bored of that and joining the fbi, working as an ambassador’s security detail, working overseas, networking across a variety of positions in every place imaginable, somehow finding time for swat training and becoming a sharpshooter, joining the bau in record time, being the bau’s encyclopedia of random shit before reid comes around, carrying the responsibility of the team on his back while gideon recuperates… there’s just.. so much they offhandedly mention he’s done without ever really exploring any of it in further detail. it’s frustrating!! give my boy a proper backstory!!

anyway im rambling lol i forgot what we were fucking talking about but YEAHHHHHH HOTCH AND FIRE

[kinktae]

the fact that you will bring up mental illness as your defence but still not try to understand other writers problem is so sad rosie . your readers also read other peoples (at least i do] so i am upset you only think about yourself like this .

u know what FUCK IT this shit is not happening twice to me. do not read if u don't want angry rose!! and if ur anon? please just leave. me. alone.

in 2019 i got attacked like fucking crazy and when I shared how much it affected me bc i have problems with anxiety specific pertaining to my safety (since i was getting fucking dox threats) and a fucking mutual of mine made a vague post saying i was "guilt-tripping ppl with my mental illness." and guess what the fuck ur doing to me now!!! doing the same shit to me!!! do u know how damaging that was for me? someone who already does not open up to anyone??? to be told i cant open up to my readers on MY blog??? this was some real world shit okay. i deadass went to therapy. I'm talking about this affecting my REAL LIFE okay not just some blog on tumblr dot com. I paid real money to fix a real problem that this shit hellsite created for me. How fucking stupid is that!!!!!!!!!!

to this day i struggle feeling like I can't fucking talk about my mental illness bc ppl would think i was using it as a weapon. my anxiety got so bad that to had to drop out of fucking college. even now when smthn is wrong and my loved ones are in person asking me whats wrong i feel my throat close up like i shouldn't speak. i have to FORCE the words out of my throat. This isn't me blaming tumblr for my mental illness. IM responsible for my mental illness. so I've learned to set boundaries.

You don't like how i do my tags? fine. unfollow. block. i genuinely wish u the best of luck. genuinely. i mean that with all of my person. But i will not. WILL NOT. be told that i cant talk about my mental illness?? I AM MENTALLY ILL. ITS NOT A TITLE IF IT AFFECTS HOW I LIVE MY DAY-TO-DAY ITS APART OF ME TF???? what the hell does insulting me in my inbox calling me all sorts of names and sending fucking asks talking shit to other authors have to do with community? fuck that. If that's what this community does, then I'm not a part of it. if i am telling u that i cant handle this conversation nor give u the result u are wanting and nothing productive will come out of it its bc i am setting boundaries and respecting ur time. this sooooo vile i don't even have the fucking words. ill be honest ill have to go back to see what i posted bc i did act on emotion and just rambled but i don't remember dropping "i use tags how i want bc I'm mentally ill!!" anywhere.

All i ever want to do is write. I love bts. I love writing. it is my one true love in this world and sharing it with my readers has given me more than I could ever explain. They are my everything. You guys are my everything. And I'm sorry this app has robbed me of feeling comfortable to talk to you guys about everything.

From now on im won't be answering anything that isn't pertaining to my fics or bts. I'm sorry but when this is just ridiculous. I won't have my happiness and sanity destroyed by this app anymore. This has exhausted me. There's a reason I will never make anymore friends on this app. There's a reason I don't answer pms anymore. Because my best wont be good enough for some ppl and i don't know how to healthy cope with that because GASP!!! IM MENTALLY ILLLLLLLL!!! So the only solution is to no longer engage. I'm done. I'm moving forward from here on out. The tags stay. Anything outside the realm of this blog doesn't exist. Just gonna post my once a year silly little fic and move the fuck on. toodaloo!

[sandrockbandit]

it's 1am time for assorted logan thoughts. spoilers

• tbh the reveal of his Backstory startled me all sorts because i had taken him to be a more deliberate agent of chaos than he ended up being. i Really was here for Evil Cowboy...

• ... but what you end up getting is just kinda sad. not even exclusively tragic? it almost felt pitiful in a way. this character exists as he does because of a dumb rash series of well-intentioned decisions. there was no rhyme or reason to it and no one wanted it, no one is happy with the way things turned out, including him. i really want him to get therapy, man. im fond of him in an irate kinda way

• i think exploring his character re: culpability would be a really fun thing to write. not necessarily redemption - that doesn't quite suit him i think. that may be my personal fatigue with Redemption as a popular concept though it might actually suit him very well

• but bc by all accounts, one of the people left most hurt by what he did is logan himself. howlett was well-respected and liked, but many spoke of him in terms of how mercenary he was; no one was as dependent on howlett or loved him as much as his son. he wounded himself a lot for his fear and desperation, both with the loss of his father and the loss of his place in sandrock

• bc logan is irrationally sentimental! he throws it all away to get to his dad and pins up a child's drawing close to the bed like it means something and puts his all into solving his people's problems and

• .......... hm. prequel anakin...

• he doesn't strike me as. particularly experienced. i don't think he's fully mastered any of his skills quite yet but he's getting there. he really Feels like a young man who's lost his way and is still knocked off-kilter and suppressing grief and who is also really defensive about it

• but he's acting the part as best he can. boy is playing the part of purposeful rogue like his life depends on it

• logan pre-tragedy is described w words like "polite," "kind of ornery," "goodie two-shoes" - honest if a little aloof and an all-around decent man. probably a little harder to see that w the crimes and all but, like, he's still got basic manners. that "good day" before bailing was a little iconic imho

• i make the jokes abt it but definitely he was good enough at what he does to warrant justice offering him the deputy hat! that doesn't mean much though bc justice also gives the player honorary deputy status for, like, no reason. and he promoted a cat.

• i do imagine that logan has a keen eye for logistics and stealth and casing areas. boy keeps slipping into town and causing a ruckus and leaving immediately. he Chooses to be loud but the fact that he knows how to avoid traffic-heavy routes on town speaks to a cleverness on this front. he's well aware of how to be lowkey i just think he does not want to

• also the fact that there were a ton of books in his room - far more than i would imagine being strictly medical texts - speak to him being an avid writer or reader. is the boy an arthur morgan chronicling type or an adventure story aficionado? who knows

• but he is sure willing to take a crack at Anything that matters to him with everything he's got, including medicine

• circling back to Culpability it's so clear that he can't handle shouldering all the blame and he's still trying to take it out on the town like. the thought process. he must be a heck of an unreliable narrator. many thoughts. many thoughts ,

• also only vaguely related but when qi was out here diagnosing logan despite not being That Kind of Doctor in true tiktok fashion that was really funny. what gives qi

• if i ever were to get to the point where i can make an animatic i would want to do one with logan to a stanza or two of The Pantheon (Ain't Gonna Catch You) from bastion. they ain't gonna hear you, son, don't care 'bout what you done indeed. okay bye

[iamtheempress]

Leaving a Bad Relationship, Hometown 1200 miles away

TW Emotionally Abusive Relationship (ex Fiance)

Hi if you know me well you know part or all of my current situation that led me to post this here.

I have been in a long standing relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years, he and i were a good match despite our geography and the fact we originally met online before becoming exclusive to one another.

4 years ago i took the leap and jumped into the next phase of our relationship and drove myself who was madly in love and reeling over the idea that my homestate kept me in a rut i couldnt escape, down from Connecticut to Arkansas to meet and eventually live with him; little did i know the storm i had incoming on the horizon.

I want to preface first all of the parts here that need to be made apparent so buckle in if you want to understand why the fuck im here and leaving as soon as possible.

As normal couples, we had minor arguements here and there in our apartment and they were if anything, petty, forgettable and to any other person easy to overcome as a unit. Come 2020 we started becoming closer and closer due to covid literally keeping us together in the same apartment, and our jobs being considered essential. Since 2020 i worked from home and since had no issue in it and i can stay with my new puppy who would soon become my best friend and emotional support animal.

My job became predomidantly all work from home so it was more than convienient, i was in favor of it because he used my car to get from home to work because BOTH of his trucks were inoperable and unpredictable. I would get groceries and other stuff delivered throughout the start of covid and still do to this day and with aid and discounts from my company.

Towards the end of 2020 he did something thag blew me away and made me the happiest woman in that moment on the planet.

He proposed to me.

2021. I being the newly proposed to fiance was more than elated to flaunt my proposal, made pinterest boards, looked up and down on Etsy for dresses and other little odds and ends for a wedding as one would do when they are absolutely in love and excited and ready to get started in prepping for a big day i never thought id see. I took care of this ring like it was my life line. Everyone in my one discord server and beyond knew i loved him and in my eyes he was mister perfect... never spoke a bad word about him.. ever...

Things  took a turn at one point.. during 2021 and then gradually startef to get worse when arguements, started by him that didnt really have any sort of reason as to WHY he was mad.. and his explanations were incredibly vague and from there i couldnt fix my problems.. so i started walking on eggshells and paying attention.. to everything... he became a hair trigger in terms of things to get angry at. And got worse. Much worse. Blaming me for everything and anything possible.

Claiming the reasons for how he talks to me were a fault of my own and if i want to continue living the life i dreamed w him, i need to stop what im doing thats making him so angry with me.

Again, no clarification just "if you paid attention youd know."

If there were times where anyone could be a fly on the wall in September on to now youd tell me to "GET OUT"  it wasnt a matter of what i was doing was bad, i just didnt know what the hell it was... and i was made out to be horrible and "the worst" because "i just dont see how bad i really am".

In late November i get a call from him i dreaded.

He wanted to call off the engagement. with some minor back and forth and of course my panic attacks rising and soon regular migraines.. i started to panic and i became scared and reserved, li.. the next day he tells me during an arguement the reason he broke it off is because

"i was too pushy to get married."

You read that right. I was too pushy because i looked up venues and dresses and how much everything would cost.. and made harmleas jokes about going to the courthouse to get married..

Thats the straw that broke the camels back and the end of us as i knew it because his whole personality did a full fucking 180..

He became cold and bitter to me... he wouldnt lift a finger to help me around the apartment, wouldnt pay any bills.. would COMPLAIN if i asked for money othet then rent or the cheap cheap electric bill... he wouldnt talk to me for days on end and if so it was short.. rude.. and cruel.

Everything about him prior wasnt affectionate but this was worse and it wasnt getting better.. he wouldnt address me as hun anymore.. hed address me as "woman" or "fatty" id go to sleep crying hating myself for letting it get to this and eventually blamed myself for us becoming boyfriend and girlfriend again instead of being his fiance..

He insisted from then to not say anything to our families to avoid the fall out and save face.

I agreed.. cuz i thought wed bounce back.

We havent and wont.

Needless to say after 5 months of realization and dispondency from what i assumed was my happily ever after is my waking nightmare, where im being picked on and bullied openly in xbox parties and keeping it silent when infront of people who love and care avout me. Im suffering and i got no relief or sympathy, and treated as "a mistake" "the worst"  and a multitude of other names and hurtful comments towards me as a person, a woman, and his ex fiance...

Theres plenty of other things i can say but honestly if you need proof i have 2 years of texts he and i shared as proof..

As of writing this i broke up with him 4/15 of this year..

He has admitted to me as of 5/8/22 he uas told me the reason why he treated me the way he did, since his personality shift from absolutely abhorrent and heartless to caring and kind was so drastic. His reasoning still shakes the foundation of what i know to be on the level of reasonable. Im quoting him here

After i asked him why he was the way he was for 6 months he said he wanted to "sever any and all relationships he had with friends, family, and me in order to 'disapear because no one will care about him'" and that he "gave up on that ever happening with me because i will still care" he never took into account how badly this would affect me mentally and socially as a person.

So as i post this today i have one request from yall who made it this far.. if you can help me during this time it would be appreciated.. i am going to be driving cross country with aid of my grandfather and as you know gas is pricey.. on top of that i have to pay my share of fees for the eviction pay and with me leaving in june and the date for eviction being in July.. i need help.. i have to pack my companion dog with me and several items ive accumulated over the years.. i never would have asked if my situation wasnt dicey and money consuming.. i will absolutely post an update when i am on my way home.

Im going to be going home May 29th

I dont have time to make a GoFund Me but ill literally update my post  when im home safe.

My paypal is @SuperSEmpress

Venmo @Carlie-Cannone

Thank you so much for listening in my time of need. I love yall.

~ Empress

[transdib]

re: learned helplessness post // (please know i am not intending rudeness)

the problem isnt that these people need specific instructions, its that they (for lack of kinder terms) make things harder for themselves, and also that instead of asking someone who can help them in person, they just quit and blame the online recipe. the blame of the online recipe is where the helplessness part comes in

to use the boiled egg ex., most recipes or guides online actually *do* tell you that you need a pot big enough for the amount of eggs, enough water just to cover them, and to set the stove on high until the water boils. there are specific instructions. asking what temperature to set the stove to needs only a follow-up "what temp does water boil" google search to know that water boils at 212F/100C

the point of "learned helplessness" (i do agree the term has become watered down from its actual meaning) is to frustrate the person helping you into just doing it for you, or to convince them youre too incompetent to do it and, again, do it for you

as someone who also genuinely stalls and gets overwhelmed when i dont have a specific process lined out and practiced, there comes a point where you do need to help yourself. ask to be shown specificly in real life how to do something. watch a how-to video if thats not an option. instead of just giving up and deciding not to do it because its scary and new (/not mean)

in conclusion i am not intending any snide tone or sarcasm or meanness or anything so please dont think that i am attacking you or your brother. that post is specifically about people who are unwilling to find a way to do the things they need to do, not people that need help in general

hey, thanks for such a respectful message and adding to the discussion! its really interesting hearing these different perspectives

i guess in the end we dont personally know the people in the screenshots. are they demonstrating learned helplessness? or are they simply venting a frustration that they experience in their day to day lives as a disabled person? i know in the end they chose to post those things online, instead of googling solutions or connecting with other people privately to find solutions, but i guess in the end we dont know who they are, what support networks they have/who they can reach out to, or if they're using the boiling egg as a vague example to demonstrate that some tasks arent as simple as abled people find them! and for the record, i have had my fair share of online recipes that really vaguely say "add a splash of" "use a generous amount of" and other really vague instructions, so i guess its a luck of a draw on what recipe you find haha!

but in the same vain i do see where you're coming from. i think it's important for people to challenge themselves. someone i know also has troubles doing "simple" tasks like boiling an egg, and they explained that they have learned to challenge themselves with these tasks, and overcomign the anxiety of fucking it up. and theyve fucked up a lot trying to heat frozen meals, or making toast, and like, its shit cuz it costs additional money cuz youve burnt the food and can no longer eat it, but if you are able to afford to make those mistakes, then yeah, go for it. especially if theres no financial consequence, i think its really important to self-evaluate, find your threshold, understand yourself and your limits, and push yourself in that compassionate way. like with my ADHD, i definitely dont do the "i have this thing, oh well guess im just doomed to do [symptom] forever". i try to approach it with "maybe i cant do all 10 tasks ive been putting off doing all in one day, but im going to make it a goal to do at least one today" "im going to forget and be overwhelmed, so im going to set 5 different alarms 5 mins after each other to remind me" doing things like that to set yourself up for success.

so in that sense, yeah, i definitely agree that it benefits when people challenge themselves, in ways that are practical. i do admit my brother for example struggles with confidence, but he also has some personality difficulties where he feels the world owes him. he definitely demonstrates learned helplessness in some aspects.

and i think my brain just went on a tangent, because i was mainly getting heated at the comments on the post, wehre people were being downright ableist and shitty. and i think i just see this rhetoric way too much, where when someone genuinely struggles with something, it's generally met with a "haha! how can you find that difficult? thats so easy!" and that always rubs me the wrong way. i interpreted the screenshots as the people talking about finding it difficult to boil an egg as them trying to provide insight into the idea that something seemingly so simple is actually really complex for some people.

but anywaayyy, as i said in the end we dont know who these people are, or their intention, but i personally interpreted them as just being very candid in explaining their struggle. and maybe, yeah, they could learn to take risks and attempt to boil an egg instead of talking about how much they cant do it to the online sphere, but i know i dont know the context, and therefore dont wanna make assumptions

[revelmaven]

im using my blog for its intended purpose now: dramatic teen girlie's diary

so this is what i realised today -

i dunno who put this there, but something in me still holds the belief that women can't have male friends without it being inherently romantic/sexual. (this possibly applies to all genders, but thinking about it in the abstract i think it's ridiculous, and it shouldn't matter, so im not sure what my subconscious thinks about it bc by that logic i oughtnt care about f/m friendships and apparently i ((that is the royal i, not my conscious self but someone internal who informs them, that is)) do)

the thing that's brought this up is that we're about to put on a show at my local theatre. the players in this scenario are myself, my partner who i'll call rose, and our mutual friend who i'll call tucker.

last week, rose and i were meant to go shopping to get him some stage makeup bc all of his is out of date. i was gonna help him get some new stuff. instead, i got sick, and that trip didn't happen. i figured vaguely he must've gone with our other mutual friend fay, since she'd offered as well, but i never followed up on that bc i forgot. (it turns out she did take him, on the day we'd planned and everything.)

until tonight.

so, tucker mentioned he didn't have any stage makeup either, and knowing he has tomorrow off i offered to take him in to get some bc we live near each other and he doesn't have a car.

(i should at this point pause to say rose did not take this badly in any way, so if you're here for drama scroll away. this is an internal zero problem, not an external partner problem. rose is the best partner i've ever known anyone to have)

so, after i made that plan with tucker i drove home and texted rose goodnight and that is when paranoia suddenly set in, and this is the part i'm curious about. as mentioned in the parentheses, rose is about the best partner anyone could ask for, and has never put a rules/punishment system in our relationship. but i have had relationships where that was the case (shitty father), And i grew up in a highly religious setting built on framing everything as a sin to keep control, AND i grew up with the stigma against m/f friendships (toddler boyfriend culture, if you follow), AND i'm autistic so there are all kinds of secret rules i have to be afraid of in neurotypical society.

so suddenly i was terrified rose would be angry i was going to go shopping with tucker for the same thing i was going to take rose in for but didn't get to.

(disregard i got sick and couldn't help it, disregard that fay already took him, disregard that tucker is significantly younger than me and rose and we both treat him as our kid brother and it's absurd to suspect i'm prioritising him bc i fancy him, disregard all of it-)

for some reason i was afraid i was going to be in trouble bc taking my mate shopping for supplies for a job could not possibly be appropriate bc everyone could only ever conclude that i was doing this bc i am secretly cheating on my partner with our mutual friend bc im doing an activity i said i would do with my partner - and no sane person would ever think it is anything but a cover for sexual infidelity bc tucker is male and im female(*)

alternatively, no one would think it's anything innocent bc i said id go with rose and then i went with tucker instead - all circumstances disregarded

so i think ultimately i'm trying to blame this on an outside force and Not the main toxic relationship from my childhood bc i'm tired of finding More ways he fucked me up and i'm tired of being upset by realising how toxic that relationship actually was

but frankly having written it all out i think it's pretty obvious this is a layover from my father again, bc one of his key habits is getting offended when people (specifically i) do anything with someone (regardless of gender, but usually male) that he thinks should have been done with him instead. he holds a belief that i find extremely creepy that rose "replaced" him in my heart, so now anything i do with rose is a direct loss bc without my partner i would have no reason not to spend all my time with him, my father who i obviously idolize. this applies to things that don't even relate to him, and he gets extremely upset when things that don't concern him are done without him or his input, and takes people doing things without him as a personal insult and throws tantrums about how he wishes anyone loved him. (i am aware all of this is astronomically toxic, btw. he terrifies me to the same degree i find him pathetic, and i don't excuse any of the shit he pulls. i was just a literal child for most of it and am only now realising the extent of the inappropriateness.)

(also if it needs to be said - yeah the replacement thing is creepy as fuck and i'll probably make a whole post about just that bc i have shit to say, but just in case anyone worries about this - in short no, my father never did anything to me that an intimate partner would. i wouldn't bother being diplomatic when speaking about him if that were the case. he just doesn't think id have a life where i did anything without him if i hadn't got a partner. i have no fucking idea why he thinks this; we were never close to begin with)

anyway to end the tale, i apologised to rose over text and scrambled to make up for doing this to him, to which he essentially replied asking what i was worried i had done and assuring me he doesn't take it that way at all and it's every bit as innocent as it looks

and so i am left to dissect this new fucked up aspect of my psyche and wonder who or what is responsible for this fear - society or my father

open to suggestions if you know me in person or have experience

[self-h-rmageddon]

i had a bad dream and it was a bad dream because it really wasnt that bad

it was about brian, he came back to me again and i. was mad but he owned up to his mistakes and he missed the attention i gave him and i missed giving it and i fucking went back to him and i felt butterflies and. i lingered too long, i wanted to stay

it makes me so SICK no matter how far i denounce him, it doesnt matter if i never think of him much, my brain cant let him go for some reason. why do you miss that? i was so miserable, i was being used. he ADMITTED that he didnt want me to be happy with anyone else and that he wouldnt try to make me happy at all so?

why do i still feel like i want him? its so hard to shake.. i do want him. i really dont, but i miss the attention, even if it was nothing at all. even if the closest thing i could get to any kind of affection was an "aw" when i was sad, i wouldve PUT UP WITH IT for him. i told him that, i told him i would deal with it if he could just.. sincerely apologize to me. for yknow. sexting a teenager!! but he didnt. he wouldnt. he said he couldnt apologize if he didnt mean it

my head still tries to make little fantasy scenarios with him, where everything turned out well and he could change and we could. what??? be happy together? yeah right. he didnt like you fat, didnt like you as a man and only entertained it longer cuz even if yr a man, you still have a cunt and thats what he wanted. annoying as fuck

i just wish i could let it go!!!!! why do i dream about him? and why are they good dreams? dreams that make me wake up with this sense of yearning, something i REALLY need to kill right away like. as fast as possible

im not going back to him i never ever will im . ive never been happier!!! when i left it felt like the end of the world and i was so depressed but ive NEVER FELT BETTER. i have people who actually love me now

and also??? he always pulled this shit talking about how i was a problem for him too, bitch?????? i was 16, you were talking to a 16 yr old with undiagnosed bpd of course im not gonna act RATIONALLY im fucking scared!!!! i was so scared!!! that first night when we met and like. 10 minutes after asking me how old i was it got sexual like IMMEDIATELY and it. felt nice but i was still scared. he doesnt even REMEMBER that conversation, but its burned into my brain. if you want a mature partner then maybe talk to an adult 🥳

i miss the attention, yes, but i dont miss how it made me feel. i dont miss the way it made my guts turn, made me shake. makes me shake just thinking about it. its the same reason i panic on fucking GRINDR, having people interested in me in that way is scary, it reminds me of him. i? i dont know.. its like whenever i get into sexual situations if its not approached gently i get SCARED, scared as if i was a kid again. it wasnt just him, after all. i wish i could just.. grow up? i wish that i didnt get so scared but i know its not my fault, i know that. whatever happened to me, i should have been PROTECTED. i shouldve been safe, but i wasnt

and it makes me so fucking angry? i never told anyone then because i knew that if i told my family, theyd blame me. and i LOVED him, i didnt want anything bad to happen to him, even if what he was doing was so horribly bad for me. i used to talk vaguely about him with my therapist and i started to frustrate her, thats why i dont go anymore. she would get frustrated because she didnt know what my problem is. I KNOW what my problem is, i just.. i was still talking to him, i was trying to approach it in a way that would protect him, even if he didnt deserve it

man. i hate being a tool for people, like genuinely. so tired of it.. yeah, tell me all about yr problems and ill be there to comfort you and listen. never ask about mine tho! never never never. you can ask me for nudes or pictures of my underwear, force me to roleplay with you even tho ive made it clear i dont really like it. ill do it to get you off! im so.

im glad i left. it was a good choice, he made me completely fucking miserable. very few times have i gone thru so much pain it literally forces me to dissociate from my body and view myself from above but! asking someone like that to apologize for uhh idk a crime? guess thats TOO FAR, tried sayin "erm well actually age of consent laws are higher in the us then a lot of countries ☝🤓" kill yourself!!!! like actually!!!!! im glad hes always miserable, i hope it never gets better for him ever

thats the worst part about it. is if it wasnt me, i would absolutely advocate for his death. because hes the kind of person i fucking despise, hes the absolute worst person to me. but i just.. i have a hard time extending that to him because he was awful to ME. he was mine and i used to love him!! i should hate him, and i do, i just wish it came as easy as hating any other predator

hated the way he acted when we argued tho, he tried gaslighting me before. you do not gaslight someone with bpd!!!!! cuz i fucking remember!! i read into everything anyone does extra of COURSE ill remember what happened. tried telling me i initiated it when i literally didnt cuz i knew better!!! i knew i shouldnt be talking to adults, but.. i did it anyways. that fucks me up a lot, it makes me blame myself. i knew i shouldnt, but the attention felt too nice, i didnt want to lose it and LOOK where it got me. permanently altered 🥳 nice job.

will NEVER let him blame me tho, cuz he started it. we separated like 4 times, and EACH TIME, he came back. am i that good? fuck if i know cuz it never felt like i was. probably missed getting his dick wet to our messages honestly. cuz when i was finally 18 he came back and immediately made it sexual again. im ashamed that i didnt stop him

i remember we argued because he thought i was irrational in thinking he would do bad things to me considering he literally told me before "so, consent doesnt matter between us, right?" ??????? im irrational for that?? do you even hear yrself? idk it just. pisses me off i hate him, i wish i could permanently kill the part of my brain that dreams of him fondly because it doesnt happen often but when it does it ruins my whole day

i just. i was too immature to be in a relationship with, but mature enough to be sexted every night? make it make sense!!!!! ik this is a lot, i just. need it off my chest so i can go back to normal. i wish it didnt affect me still but it does. i wish i could have fun!!!! wish i wasnt scared of getting sexual without randomly getting this intense sharp FEAR, fear that shoves me back and makes me run. i want to HEAL from this, i dont want to be like this anymore it fucking sucks. i feel like he ruined me. he'd roll his eyes at that

[rntdry7896]

Im back again with another vent, i dont know if its the accumulated small thing or no but this friend triggered me so easily now.

Will be very vague because i want to kept it hidden but i was active on sns lately, because were supposed to be a set/pair i kept asking them to do their part, its been like 6 month since the stuff need to be worked on. Yet they kept saying they have no time is busy etc and dont rush her etc.

Lately i decided okkkayy... ill do my own sns work then posting this and that and shes 'lowkey' controlling, like mentioning why are you doing this, its bad etc etc. Why are you posting so much.. I know its not that good long term but i do really need to get my name kinda out there? Just because shes the extroverted one and always update (personal life sns) stuff she talk with much more people and get more opportunities, (she get a job offer the other day because dhe posted a reel, wearing my clothes) of course i do envy her because we both put effort into this. Like i took her sns pic and stuff too, i styled and assisted her on her post but ofc the cameraman doesnt get as much credit. Its the norm, i will just be unreasonable if i blame people and friends for not knowing/supporting me when she dont even say anything about what i do. Thats why i decided hey ill just do my stuff myself then, ill post some of my old/solo work, and.... she is really unhappy...

After she kept asking why are you doing this, its better if you do this, if you do it like now its bad later etc etc.. i ...because i literally have nothing to lose? I mean if i was 0 and i got like 30 people now to follow my sns and they became a ghost follower later its still better that i have that number, i mean which is more trustworthy? A 0 post 0 followers person or just 30 followers but actively post once a month ish? Of course i dont elaborate so much because she will literally argue about this too so i just say yeah i want to do it like this even if its not effective and stuff, keeping the tone polite and friendly ofc... and she literally goes, "okay" "suit yourself" "k" man... is it my fault youve passed the deadline like 6 mo? If it isnt so long i wont be doing this either but yeah of course im the egoistical prick, lately its so hard to be civil with her....

Edit : hah how funny she mention how can split the work stuff and yeah i say sure you take care of your stuff ill take care of the online stuff, we can exchange and she goes 'oh but youll die if you need to reply to so many people haha" like im the problem...? I can type just fine i wont die but i hate people wasting my time talking about unnecessary stuff. She make it look like im so incompetent while she kept saying tahts hes the one that cant do my work part, even dares ask me to come help her. If we split why should i help you? You wont even pay me fair 8:2 and you me to dirtch my day job and eork for 12hr for you? Funny

[semi-imaginary-place]

bnha ch 290: yup i remember all the way back when the mountain training camp arc released and people called it then. i was just about to say something about reaping and sowing ha.

297: surprised this max security prison for super dangerous quirk users doesn't have quirk suppressants and body armor for everyone.

298: now that i think about it. eraser head knew about eri's progress. he choose to amputate himself because at that moment they couldn't afford a second, though shigaraki managed to break contact anyways and im not sure his leg could have been salvaged. also surprised the hospital isn't overloading rooms given the major disaster that happened. bakugou's room has a lot of empty space.

303: i dislike the framing here that toya a child of 13 and younger was the one in the wrong here. horikoshi is framing toya's actions as out of line and sure burning himself wasn't the healthiest coping mechanism but he was not the main problem. also i've love to say 12 year old fuyumi blaming herself for her family's problems was insightful commentary on how eldest daughters get treated as 3rd parents instead of the children they are but thats giving horikoshi-sensei a little too much credit.

314: im sensing a double standard here for who gets assassinated and who gets imprisoned. like they imprisoned all for one and gigantomachia but these smups are the ones the public safety commission is killing? see my lack of knowledge on how the japanese government works means im only vaguely guessing what all these organizations do.

midoriya dark bunny era. take a bath! bruh you need a nap. 90s edgy protag! thats what i was thinking of!

320: midoriya cannot continue as he is but wasnt the whole point to keep him away from ua. i dislike when plans are changed halfway through they either should have committed to fortifying ua or kept up support of his feral rabbit lifestyle. in terms of wellness he's gone too far in neglecting himself I'm just wondering if what they did was actually a good plan.

the diper rat confession! stain pep talk! we're getting everything this arc

historically speaking, american foreign involvement is.. iffy. if the cia are involved things are probably going to get worse im looking at like a good chunk of latin america and the banana wars. arguably some of the more publicized stuff helped like taiwan, south korea, germany, and japan are doing pretty well for themselves, and the financial/logistics backing for europe and now ukraine (well the ww2 stuff was pure war profiteering). and then there's inherent abuses of the us industrial military complex, tax payer money to line the pockets of weapons manufacturers and defense contractors, preying on the poor with funding from tax dollars, the rampant abuse and all the crimes that get covered, the lack of regulation in general so you have human rights abuses environmental damage military bases usually poison the surrounding areas.

332: hmm we're too early in this fight. i think some of the pilots will die.

335: holy shit if those hagakure is the spy than the conspiracy theorists got it right. i remember there was this old fan theory circa 2017? 2018? which posited hagakure was the spy because how else did someone so weak get into ua like she can turn invisible and that's it. and how narratively she hadn't done anything while everyone else how a few pages at least. at the time i thought it was a cool idea for an otherwise boring character but the lack of evidence stopped me from going all in on it. in the early arc its said? implied? that there's a spy in UA and people were able to logic and reason it down to probably being a student (i dont remember how they ruled teachers out). hagakure was suspect number 1 but there were a couple other 1 A put up.

336: oh yeah the secret forest training camp. and yeah aoyama was the other one speculated to be a spy. the other conspiracy theoriests got it right!

[atlabeth]

fever - sokka x reader

this has been sitting in my drafts half finished for 3 weeks so i thot it was prime time i actually finished it

this is kinda based off the song w dua lipa and angele so you can listen to that if you want

summary: sokka's convinced there's a mystery illness keeping you from focusing, but somehow he's completely oblivious that the only 'sick' you are is lovesick, and he's the reason you can't focus.

a/n: i have never written a sickfic. but this is like. a fake sick fic. its an idiots in love fic. i mean this is coming from mr "is he taller than me? is he better looking?" himself so. it makes sense. as usual, this is not proofread bc im a lazy mf

also im sorry for being vague with the calc but i was NOT about to do math during summer who do you think i am? ??

wc: 1.7k

warning(s): mentions of being sick and 🤢calculus 🤮 but otherwise tooth rotting fluff

-

How could the smartest man you knew be so, so incredibly stupid?

You thought that you were being obvious, so obviously that you were sure he knew. It was embarrassing how obvious you were.

You had met Sokka in your calculus class at the start of the new semester after you ended up sitting next to each other, and it wasn’t a stretch to say that you were immediately smitten. With eyes like the ocean and a face that had to have been crafted by the gods, you were almost too distracted to respond when he asked you for a pencil. But when he winked at you after giving his thanks, it only solidified what you had already suspected: you had known this man for all of five minutes, and you already had a crush on him.

Little did you know, it was going to turn into the most infuriating crush you had ever experienced.

You and Sokka became fast friends even though calculus was the only class you had together. Unfortunately, it was also something that you completely sucked at. Bad news, it was required for your major. Good news, Sokka was some sort of genius and offered to tutor you — Wednesdays in the library turned into a weekly occasion, and served as an opening for your calculus skills, your feelings for Sokka, and your exasperation to all grow stronger.

You normally weren’t someone to beat around the bush. If you started to like someone, you told them and dealt with whatever happened after, but something about Sokka just kept you from spilling your feelings outright. You knew that if he didn’t feel the same way, your relationship likely wouldn’t change, but there was still that tiny voice that said it’s better to stay like this in case things do go wrong — and this was the first time you listened to that voice. You simply valued your friendship too much.

But that didn’t mean you were going to be completely quiet about it — you hoped that if you did enough, he would be able to realize you liked him and do the whole process for you. A bit of a dim hope, but crushes make people do stupid things.

Things like bringing an extra coffee to every session, laughing at all his jokes (even the bad ones), sitting a little closer to him than usual, not dropping out of this wretched class so you could spend time together (it might’ve been required, but you still counted it). He didn’t make a point to object to anything, so you knew you weren’t making him uncomfortable — but you had concluded after nearly a whole semester of working and studying together that he was the most oblivious person in all of Ba Sing Se. He could teach you all kinds of formulas, but had no idea that you liked him. Grand.

Today was arguably the most important session out of any of them, seeing as your next class was the final, so it was only fitting that Sokka unknowingly made himself more interesting than any material you could’ve been working with. His arms were going to be the death of both you and your calc grade. You swore that the heat rushing to your cheeks was actually emanating off of you.

“Hey, Y/N!” Sokka grinned as he saw you and raised a hand in greeting, a sentiment you would’ve returned had it not been for the coffee cups in your hands. You settled for mirroring his grin and settled down in the seat across from him. You slid his coffee cup over, set your own down, then shrugged your bag off all before taking a seat.

“You ready to study ‘till your eyes bleed?” he asked, prompting a nervous laugh from you.

“You jest, but my eyes might actually start bleeding depending on how long we go,” you sighed. “There’s a reason I got an extra shot of espresso today.”

“Come on — by now you should know that you have nothing to worry about! I am the best teacher there is, and you got me all to yourself.”

Your eyes widened momentarily and you coughed, purposefully averting your gaze to give yourself some time to recover. Okay, he was going to make it really hard to focus today. “Let’s just get into it.”

He nodded and flipped open his notebook, beginning to talk as he rifled through his bag for a few extra things. “Okay, we’re just gonna start with going over the basics, then we’ll work our way up. There’s a couple practice problems on that page, so you can go ahead and answer those as a warmup.

You slid the notebook over in front of you and after approximately five seconds of looking at the first problem, found yourself studying Sokka rather than the material. Who could blame you? In the battle of cute tutor boy versus calculus, he was going to win every time.

He turned around and you immediately averted your eyes once again, trying to appear extremely involved, but you found that your mind was empty on anything to do with math. “Hey, uh— how do you do this first one? I’m totally blanking here.”

“We use limits in everything — this is actually something you’re really good at!” He studied you intensely and frowned. “Are you okay? Like, you’re not sick or anything, are you? You seem kinda out of it.”

You choked out a laugh and shook your head. “No, no — I’m fine. I guess I’m just a little tired.” As if to demonstrate your lie, you took a sip from your coffee and cringed internally. Love had turned you into an idiot.

He seemed to buy it as he nodded and picked up the pencil, scribbling a couple of notes as he explained the first problem to you. “Does that make sense?” You nodded and he handed the pencil back to you. “Okay — the other ones follow the same kind of process. It should be easy enough.”

You managed to get a little further in the second problem, but your lovestruck mind would not stop focusing back on Sokka every time you tried to do, well, anything. Curse him and his perfect arms, and eyes, and hairstyle, and everything.

You shook your head and set the pencil down once more, letting loose a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me.” Yes, you did. “I just can’t focus at all.” Because of you. You picked up your cup once more and took a sip, hoping it would do something to get you back into the math state of mind.

Sokka frowned once more as he put the back of his hand against your forehead. “God, you’re hot.” You nearly choked on your coffee as your eyes practically bulged out of their sockets — he had to know what he was doing by now — how could he not? “Like, you’re completely burning up. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, I swear— I just…” you set your cup down on the table and heaved a sigh that was a touch more exasperated than necessary. “Are you telling me you seriously haven’t noticed? Like, not a single thing this whole year?”

“I’ve noticed a lot of things this year,” he chuckled. “It’s kind of our whole job, so you’re gonna have to be a lot more specific.”

You finally couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Sokka, I’m not— I’m not sick! Haven’t you noticed that I’m only ever flustered, or running into things, or forgetting info, or— or just a complete idiot when I’m around you? I like you, like, a lot, and I have for an embarrassingly long time! The reason I can’t focus is because I am hopelessly attracted to you in every single way.”

His brows creased for a moment and you clamped your mouth shut, worried that you had just ruined everything. It was only after a pause that felt like a century that he finally responded, the hint of a smirk on his lips.

“Well, why didn’t you just say something?”

You stared at him, eyes wide and lips slightly parted in pure surprise before the annoyance set in. You set your jaw as your brows furrowed and you hit him lightly on the side of his arm with the back of your palm. “You can’t be serious! You— you’ve gotta be messing with me by now. I really can’t believe that you can be that smart but this oblivious!”

He finally let the grin play across his lips in full force and he shrugged nonchalantly. “I mean, I don’t know how you don’t expect me to mess with you when you scrunch up your face all cute like that every time you get mad. Besides, I started liking you after that fifth class; I offered to help you out so I could spend more time with you! I didn’t realize you felt the same way. I kinda just enjoyed the free coffee and getting to look at you all the time.”

“I can’t believe you!” you cried as you hit his other arm. “You’re telling me that I had to deal with this- this mental turmoil about whether you liked me back, while you were just enjoying the free eye candy and coffee the whole time?”

“You have nothing to worry about! I enjoyed the company far more than the coffee,” he joked, a certain twinkle in his eye. “But, you are probably out a couple twenties after all of that. So, what do you say about this Saturday, the cafe by the shoe store? My treat.”

“Damn right it’s your treat,” you shot back, though you couldn’t stop the smile forming on your face. “You owe me a lot — you have to make up for those coffees and all the emotional distress you caused.”

“Oh, I think I’ll have plenty of time to make up for lost time. After all, we do have a lot of coffee dates to get through.” And when he winked at you just like that first day, you remembered just how impossible it was to be angry at Sokka. “But first, we kinda have to get through this study date. The final’s still happening tomorrow.”

You responded with a raised brow. “This is a study date?”

Sokka shrugged and grinned. “They’ve all been study dates. You just didn’t know it.”

-

idiots in love idiots in love idiots In LOVe

perm tag list: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77

atla: @marianne1806