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#im really trying to get over that mentality tho
theloveinc · 2 years
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Hiiiii, i just saw tht post about writing and like formulas to do like big fanfictions/bigger pieces (i struggle too tbh, although it’s more like i struggle w writing in general lol) and even tho it’s not really a formula or something and u might already know it, i still wanna share in case it’s helpful!! Something that seems to make bigger writing works seem less daunting/easier to imagine and write is like, thinking of it like a puzzle. essentially doing very small portions (bc a 500 word/1k little blurbs is easier to write than a 30k, for example) at random/whenever/whatever strikes your inspo and then just piecing them in after you have a ton to make one large work. As for a formula of anything to write romance, i WOULD LOVE for u to share if u crack the code lol, im lost there too
Sorry if this wasn’t helpful bc u knew already and it didn’t really tackle the application of romance but i just wanted to potentially help! you’re one of my fav writers and you are an amazing at it so i know you’ll get there and it will be amazing when you do, like your work already is 🤍🤍
anon!! thank you sm for the tips <333 this is really sound advice... even if i'm gonna have to work my booty off to begin actually practicing it.
not to go off on a tangent, but i notice my struggle really lies in like... actually developing a plot/timeline/climax/intention? i often think of little scenes i'd love to include in something bigger... but i never really get to what that bigger thing is. in terms of other stories i've thought of, i always say... it's like i have point A and point Z... but i don't know how to get from one to the other (alongside like... making all the necessary transitions needed, and doing that properly).
i have started like... physically mapping out a lot of my ideas. from short stuff to long stuff, i write little blurbs of what i want each scene/chapter to be.... but even then, what usually happens is i either get stuck or scared (of whatever work is needed) and stop progressing. and alongside my crippling fear of like... doing a bad job (or not completing something in a way i'd enjoy)......... it's very paralyzing.
but that's just to explain how how i've been handling it (if u have any more tips or even just relate) + to say I AGREE W/ U that i, as well as others, should just... write what comes to me in any order and go at my bigger projects from there.
but....,....... :') i'm sure you already know. difficult.
thank you, thank you for this and the lovely encouragement tho!!!
it always feels berry nice to know you're not alone in whatever you're going thru, esp when it seems like the people around. i always just try to take comfort in the fact that we're all still pretty young... and that (not all but) a lot of my fave writers didn't start writing long things/publishing until WAYYY later. not that i want to do this publicly or anything, but.... there's lots of time for improvement, and to put the same expectations on myself at this point is... clownery tbh. you know?
but ARGHGHGHH if i do figure it out one day, i'll make sure you get the secrets first!!! til then tho, it just means a LOT to me that u like my writing even as is❤️❤️❤️ hugging u forever🥺
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jrueships · 6 months
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the monthly apathy is back, rlly sorry if i said smthing to u and then u say smthing back and i don't respond for like a thousand years only to spam u after it passes and then u respond bcs ure awesome and i go on an unspoken vow of silence for yet another thousand years and the cycle just continues
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widevibratobitch · 5 months
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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seariii · 7 months
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I had my low point today and it's always awkward because I want to ask for help, or for someone to just say something regarding all the noise, but I don't want people to see it nor hear about it...
I'm okay now, and even tho it's a little late, I'm gonna go get something for dinner. But idk I wish I was a little stronger or braver to actually reach out
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t4tpumpkinduo · 1 year
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man.
#i had this whole post ive been trying to formulate for so so long. abt my issues w ceewilbur and ccwilburisms and#to clarify i do like cwilb he is one of my faves. ik it may seem i wanna bite his arm off smtimes and i Do but#its mostly bitterness directed to the stuff Around him if that makes sense. yk the response to lots abt him#the way the overcompensation abt how he can be villanized swinging into a state where he Cant and never Did and wrong and if you critique#or acknowledge it you get snipped at and demeaned and treated like its a targeted hit on the mentally ill when its like#a mild disagreement with one of the most popular characters in the fanbase Easily#and w cc wil i do think he is just sm guy. im sure he's a nice dude idrc abt the ccs usually but he seems alright enough even tho he has v#goofy ahh takes and opinions but that doesnt make you Evil#but when i dive into what really has made me feel so alienated and snippy its. llmao its the racism yeah lol its super very much the racism#its very very prevelent and very common and very unchallenged. and it like. upsets me so bad its why i keep bailing on making my actual#full detailed post abt it. cuz everytime i try to formulate my thoughts i just get upset and frustrated i wanna rip my hair out#its hard not to feel like im talking to a wall when its so common and unchecked and. ive seen rightful critiques of these spaces and how#ppl interact with them Openly Mocked and brushed aside and treated like 'petty sensative internet drama' that ppl need to 'just get over'#sorry man im a fucking 🇲🇽 i cant exactly log off and Stop Experiencing Racism. and sorry that me feeling alienated and tired and sad abt#it is an inconvenience for you llol#and like idk. im not upset w anyone in particular this isnt a call out post or vague who give a shit and.#eh maybe im stupid but i really really believe a lot of ppl arent doing it on purpose#its just bein parroted ik i get it but#am i rlly not allowed to be tired? why should it feel like my responsibility to hold ppls hand and go hey mb treat poc and darker skinned#ppl like ppl. maybe you should examine why you need so many things made palatable to you through conventionally attractive whiteness first#idk. idk!!! am i crazy who fucking knows#but it has been weighing on me stupid style so bad#the shrinking fanbase and primarily yk common stragglers has just. rlly felt like a magnifying glass to my already existing issues abt it#idk man. idk im tired and im at work its 100°+ and my head hurts so this is all yr getting. lea me alone#and again this isnt a vague who Cares. just wanted to get it off my chest finally#huri.txt#discourse#<- ig
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magnoliamyrrh · 2 years
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oh fuck. i just realized. november is always the month in which my cptsd is maybe worse than ever...,,,, i feel like that has something to do w how badly ive been dissociating lately and why. a myriad of symptoms have come back again
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squareanon · 4 days
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#in the mental hospital currently#can explain might basically had a rly bad bpd moment at work//got fired//and then had to call myself to a hospital BUT I DID MANAGE TO#CLEARLY COMMUNICATE W MY SPOUSE ABT THE FACT THAT IM IN A HOSPITAL AND NOT LEAVING HIM WHICH SEEMS ALMOST LIKE A MIRACLE TO ME CAUSE WE WERE#we were about to break up but i think we actually love each other so it was a tough conversation#i have to do some serious thinking about#the psychosis i experience and some trauma as well cause its been really tough this summer honestly#first a bunch of shrooms while moving to a place i didnt know not being able to get all of my belongings organized resulting in obstruction#obstruction of vital routines#not to mention i freakin started focusing on like death type subjects cause its interesting to me and eventually i was like speaking in#keywords that didnt seem to make Any sense to my fiance even tho i was mostly just trying to help him have fun and have hobbies and stuff#outside of work#the keywords were in relation to a phenomenon i was researching regarding absent thought#i successfully filled the necessary absent thought slots in order to make sure i have graceful control over my thoughts#then i came back to reality! i guess i mostly get rly weird when thinking about the thoughts in my head cause i have a lot of things that#are private to me and i cant help the way my intrusive thoughts work#🥳🥳🥳PLUS I CANT MAKE THEM QUIETER IN INSTANCES WHEN I NEED TO LIKE TODAY WHEN I WAS AT WORK EXPERIENCING SOME SEVERE BPD SYMPTOMS AND THE#the instrusive thoughts literally made the whole employee team address the problem of me cutting myself as well as possibly scaring the#customers with any other intrusion i was having while i was listening to a song on the toilet to try and calm myself down#like if i had asked for a freakin break to handle the emotional situation i was almost suicidal and crying about i probably wouldve been#able to handle the situation but i was literally too tired and hurt and angry and depressed to even have the energy to control my emotions#enough to properly assess and judge#the situation enough to realize what was happening and how i needed to handle that#even then though i probably wouldve still gotten fired cause im not the fastest worker#there was also a bunch of psythought type stuff going on like my coworkers heard me loudly thinking about cutting myself in order to cope#it was only a couple of milliseconds but then it was like i had to go to the bathroom to listen to a song and that shouldntve even been like#shouldntve even been an issue but my anxiety was wilding too#basically went sicko mode the same day i started wondering about the other time i went sicko mode
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merkerlerspeaks · 2 months
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Zodi/Celeste/Raine is somehow both my baby and also the girl my inner little weird girl looks up to so much she adopts parts of her as her personality
#Making Zodi so into entomology got ME into it enough that I got over my phobia of bees#And now things that I think first that she would like I end up liking myself a bit more than I have in the past#like green apple and coconut smells#Instead of basing your OC off your personality....base your personality off your OC LOL#I'm kidding but seriously the adult version of her I have planned would be the absolute coolest friend to have I think#I think creating her I just took a lot of traits I admire and smashed them into one character#She loves being feminine but she's also super tomboyish#She's wicked smart both in street smarts and academics#She has an ambiguous enough tragic backstory and affliction that anyone with a chronic illness#mental health issues#or has done something horrible and regrets it so so much#would be able to relate to her (symbolically at least)#She's a weird girl with weird interests#She's loyal near to a fault#She can treat most afflictions because her ADHD butt has a special interests in medivial/magic medicine#But she is also far from perfect because she does things WRONG and suffers for it#and tries to right it#And suffers with a lot of jealousy problems and some anxieties#She gets angry and bottles up that anger sometimes till she lashes out#But she's also super forgiving because she KNOWS how doing things you regret feels all to well#Idk I just love her#Im thinking about her and she is by far my favourite girl#I've seriously considered taking her and using her in another story#Like she would still be a Tangled OC but at the same time....I'd also take the exact same character#and build a nice story for her to star in bc she is my baby and something I like this much really should have its own thing#Oh I forgot to mention too that I just really like that she doesn't have much focus on things like kids and romance#Like yeah she COULD she has nothing against it but....why tho?#She could take it or leave it. She doesn't need it so she focuses on her own things.#And I also love that I can like her so much and not be trying to ship her with anyone#that's one of my favourite features about her
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clowningaroundmars · 3 months
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bruuhhhhh, looking for mental health counseling is EXHAUSTING wtf
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toastsnaffler · 4 months
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I SEE PEOPLE ON THE FLOOR SLIDE INTO THE SEA CANT STAY HERE ANYMORE WE'RE TURNING INTO FIENDS IF I STAY HERE TROUBLE WILL FIND ME IF I STAY HERE ILL NEVER LEAVE..... ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
#i hope they play sea of love on tour its growing on me. this whole album has rly grown on me this year i used to be on the fence abt it#blaring the national loudly so i can think abt someone elses fears instead of my own... save me matt berninger#just had a little ripple in the ol mental illness and suddenly got rly scared for no reason abt triggering myself#its bc i was talking earlier abt how i find it easier to socialise w strangers than friends when im struggling mentally#bc i feel like i have so much to lose if i fuck up w ppl i care abt. and also when i care abt ppl it gives them the ability to hurt me#bc i cant get rsd triggered around strangers. their rejection has no bite bc idc what they think or if they like me etc#but when i care abt ppl a lot. being rejected by or percieving rejection from them is like. worldshatteringly bad#specifically feeling unwanted/unloved the approval/criticism stuff doesnt affect me as strongly#and it can be so unpredictable like ik its not rational. so being around them becomes incredibly high stakes for me which makes me so sad#bc like. if im having a bad time all i want is to not be alone and to feel supported and cared abt but i deny myself that always#ah and im just scared bc its rly hard to come back after a few weeks like that. like yeah im feeling much much better and more stable#but im still a little fragile so my guard is still up. itll take a while before i stop reflexively thinking ppl are lying to me#its a fake it til u make it thing tho ik i need to spend time w them again even if some distant part of me is trying to remind me they#dont care and im everyones least favourite and will forever be on the outside like okay who gives a fuck. i care abt them and want to#be around them and that should be enough for me but auruururuugh. one million prickly needles in my brain#its all good its part of the recovery process ive done this before 10000 times itll be fine. and they do care#and i just need to keep reminding myself that until i trust its real again. oh the national we really in jt now#its okayyyy its not that deep im just very tired. wobble over im going to BED#gn everyone <3#.diaries
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sttoru · 1 year
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♯ 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒.
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⊹ sypnosis. you’ve been teasing kento for too long and he finally shows you the side of him that you’ve yet had to discover. . .
⊹ tags. dom!kento nanami x female reader. smut. p in v -> unprotected, standing doggy, pussy slapping, uhm hand riding if that is a word, teasing, edging, hair pulling, size difference (srry im a slut), voice kink, bondage ?, degradation kinda too, mentions of creampies, change of positions at the near end. reader gets called ‘sweetheart, darling’.
⊹ note. recent jjk ep made me weak . inspired by the many nanami scenes ihihi got lazy at the end tho uhm only proof read half of it
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“come here, sweetheart.” it didn’t sound like a request coming out of your lover’s mouth — it sounded like a rough demand.
kento was fed up with your little games. he’s a man of patience; knows how to keep himself calm and collected whenever you try to be a little brat and get him fired up about something.
but, when kento came home - already furious about an incident that took place during one of his missions - his patience was tested once more. you greeted him at the door with a short dress, one that allowed him to catch a glimpse of your ass.
your feigned innocence ignited a fire in his body. a desire that begged to take over; a desire to show you that he’s not playing along with your games today. especially when you knew what you did by avoiding his touches — whenever he’d reach out a hand to touch you, you’d run — wanting him to chase you around the house.
you succeeded, but not in the way you thought.
you glance back over your shoulder as you run to the hallway where the bedrooms were situated. you neared a dead end and let out a nervous giggle at your predicament. the slow, steady footsteps of your lover got closer and closer to you: kento was right around the corner.
“i said,” kento’s deep voice echoes throughout the empty apartment, your breath hitching in your throat as his intimidating presence makes it way up to the other side of the hallway, “come here.”
you needed to mentally stop yourself from letting out a quiet moan at just his voice. it never failed to make your panties wet on the spot. hell, you can’t even remember how many times your partner had made you cum from simply talking you through it.
your eyes were staring right back at kento’s. he was quietly walking towards you, taking all the time in the world. your back hits the wall softly as you stumble back, “kento, baby, ehhh—i was just joking around, i swear. . .”
kento doesn’t react at all. his facial expression stays the same, his scowl not disappearing in the slightest. he slowly rolls up the sleeves of his blue blouse and takes off his glasses. that was enough of an indication that he was indeed mad mad.
“you should’ve just did as i told you to,” kento sighs.
in the flash of an eye, the blonde man stood right in front of you. his body easily towered over yours, his eyebrows furrowed in a deep frown whilst his left hand reached out for your waist. kento held you there for a second before suddenly turning you around with force.
your chest presses against the wall in front of you. the only thing you were able to hear was both of your heavy breathing along with the sound of kento undoing his tie. you really didn’t know what you had just gotten yourself into.
“stay still like that for me.” kento mutters under his breath as he fumbles with his tie a little. he wasn’t in a rush to punish you, but he’d be lying if he said that he didn’t want to ruin your cunt as soon as possible.
he skilfully keeps your wrists together behind your back with his black dotted tie wrapped around them, “good. you need to be reminded of your place here.”
kento’s sultry voice rings in your ear as you tried to catch a glimpse of him from your peripherals, though your movements were a bit too restricted to fully turn back around. you didn’t even realise that you had been rubbing your thighs together to create some friction — wanting to satisfy your own lustful needs by just having your lover treat you like this.
it was a very rare sight to see kento this pissed off. you wanted to push his buttons some more to see where it’d take you tonight.
the blonde sorcerer mutters something incomprehensible under his breath once he sees what you were trying to get at. he ogled your lower body, one hand even coming down to turn the hem of your dress upwards, revealing the plump flesh of your ass to his eyes.
“didn’t know my girl was this smart,” kento comments in a quiet whisper, his warm breath fanning over the skin of your ear to your neck, “you seem to have prepared for this outcome beforehand. my compliments to you, darling.”
you were wearing his favourite panty of yours—the black lace and crotchless one. what a tease you were.
his fingers travel from your tied wrists to the inner area of your thighs. kento spreads them apart for you, using just his index and thumb to create a gap where his big hand would perfectly fit between. his rough fingers were already busy taking off your underwear,
you were silent. except for the few noises of both embarrassment and anticipation that left your throat. especially when you felt the cold air hit your exposed pussy, a small line of sticky wetness gathering between your lips due to the situation.
“what a naughty thing you are. . . hah.” kento shakes his head as if in disapproval. the more he talked, the more wet you got and the more you stuck your butt out towards his pelvis — clearly wanting to get fucked already.
your eyes widen as you get a reaction out of him; his callused palm makes direct contact with your entire cunt, however in the form of a firm slap. you couldn’t contain the squeal you let out.
“ngh, fuck!” you huff as your body tingled from the contact. kento cupped your pussy gently with one hand, the other patting your hip twice to encourage you to move and grind against his palm.
he wasn’t vocal with his orders anymore since his mind was too preoccupied with the sight of your body in front of him.
you didn’t even need to be told what to do. you instantly moved your hips in a grinding motion — the palm of kento’s hand warm to the touch. a few moans fill the air around you as you took great pleasure in riding his big hand.
“just like that — perfect.” kento praises you in a hushed voice. again, his gruff voice was almost enough to send you over the edge. it sounded more. . frustrated than it normally would. like he needed to release that tension in his body.
the tip of his index and middle finger tease your clit for a few seconds. you could’ve sworn that you saw white from just how good it felt. you couldn’t fathom how you’d survive his dick—if he were as nice as to give you it,
“please fuck me. please? need your cock in me so bad.” you shamelessly whimper all of your wants and needs to kento. he simply takes them all in with an unchanging expression as he keeps his gaze at your ass and not your eyes.
he knew that he’d give up any remaining restraints if he stared into your eyes. that pleading look you give him each time you beg him to take you never fails to do its job.
“patience, sweetheart, patience.” kento hums shortly whilst gently slapping your bare cunt thrice as a punishment for speaking up and making him ‘lose focus’,
he was entranced by the faint wet sounds your pussy was making against his palm. though, nothing compares to the skin-to-skin contact he was going to make with your ass once he gets to stuff you full of him.
“can’t — can’t, kento, pleas—” your desperate plea was cut off instantly as kento’s free hand moves to grab a handful of your hair. he tugs your head back harshly and makes you look at him to prove that he wasn’t joking or playing around anymore.
his eyes held an intense and almost condescending look in them. kento had never looked at you like that before or during your acts of intimacy; he’s always gazed upon you like you were the light of his life. right now it’s more like he’s staring at a. . . plaything. like he couldn’t wait to take out his frustrations on you and your delicious body that he craved so intensely.
his jaw clenches as he sees your lips part to protest again. that’s when you decide to shut up completely. you look away and gulp—this side of kento was surprising, yet also extremely arousing. especially with the way his buff body was almost enveloping all of yours.
the veins that ran down his arm as he grabbed your hair bulged out even more, as did the little veins in his neck. it sure is a sight that could get anyone wet, you think to yourself.
“mhm, good girl.” kento nods in satisfaction and slowly lets his grip on your hair slip, though not fully. you had nowhere to escape to - not that you wanted to - but the fact that your hands were tied and your body was pinned to the wall by your lover made you squirm in excitement.
kento uses the hand that was on your cunt to unbuckle his belt. that familiar sound made you tighten up around air as you tried to steal a glance at his hard-on.
as expected, kento’s cock stood up straight, pre-cum trickling down his pink circumcised tip, a vein apparent on the length. his fingers wrapped around his girth and he pumps his erection a few times before standing in position right behind you.
kento wouldn’t just push inside of you without edging you first. he smears his pre over your folds, running the tip from top to bottom, one hand spreading your buttocks nicely so he could get a good view of what he’s doing.
“use your words for me or i will not do anything.” the blonde man utters whilst teasing you with the head of his aching cock — he wanted to be buried deep inside of your walls already as well, however not without you begging him to.
his grip on your ass tightens and your hips push back towards his in response, “please—please put it in already— kento. .”
your whines were certainly working on the grade one sorcerer. a few of his blonde locks fell in front of his eyes, the hair he tried his best to keep neat now turning messy the moment he dipped his tip between your pussy lips.
you instantly tried to grip onto his cock—clenching around him like your life depended on it. kento grunts and pulls at your hair again as a warning not to repeat that action.
“you asked for this, sweetheart.” kento grunts. that deep grunt made you tighten up around his cock again, your sloppy cunt wanting to swallow it entirely already.
that sealed the deal—your lover couldn’t hold it in anymore, “don’t want to hear any complaints from that mouth of yours, understood? now—”
you didn’t even have time to react as kento thrusted his entire length into you at once. one fast thrust was all it took for you to arch your back and loll your tongue out slightly, lips parted to let out a moan, though nothing seemed to come out of your throat.
“take it. just take it for me, yeah?”
it wasn’t a question - once again - more of a demand. you mindlessly nod along and kento took that as a sign to keep ramming into your cunt repeatedly. his hands traveled down to your hips to keep you steady against the wall, urging you to push them towards his a little by putting a palm on the small of your back.
kento’s low groans of pleasure sound from behind you with every single in and out movement — his tip hitting near your cervix each time, making his rough motions both painful yet pleasurable. your mind was foggy, with only thoughts about his dick. it was visible to your lover that you had turned completely cock drunk in such a short span of time;
“look at you,” kento chuckles as one hand goes to harshly grab onto your jaw, turning your head to the side so he could see the dazed look in your eyes, “i haven’t even started yet, darling — come on. keep those pretty eyes open for me.”
his thrusts became almost unbearable as his frustrations were now apparent in his actions. the loud skin clapping noises fill the hallway, your ass coming in harsh contact with kento’s pelvis, the flesh jiggling—which kento doesn’t let go unnoticed.
he stops for a few seconds - just before you were about to reach your climax - which makes you groan out in disappointment. kento doesn’t mind this and just continues kneading your butt in his large hands, keeping his cock right in your tight cunt.
“since you were so desperate for it,” your lover whispers whilst letting his arms fall to his side, leaving you completely untouched with the only stimulation being his girth stretching you out, “you’ll have to work for it. come on.”
you let out a huff, but knew better than to complain when kento had given you a warning beforehand. ‘no complaints’, you repeat in your mind.
you move your lower body, fucking yourself back on his cock as kento stood there behind you — watching you desperately move your hips back and forth, his thick dick disappearing between your puffy folds, only to reappear again and again.
it was a sight that could make any man cum on spot. the way you were glancing back at him to watch his reactions added to the pleasure.
“mhm, i knew you could do it.” kento nods in approval, his jaw clenching as he felt his balls tighten up, already wanting to dump a load into your greedy pussy.
you felt his cock twitch slightly and saw how his hands formed fists at his side — the veins on his forearms once again visible to your eyes. it was such a hot scene and you didn’t know if you were able to hold on much longer.
kento notices this and stops your hips from moving. he wordlessly picks you up by the back of your knees, still making sure to keep his cock inside of you.
your back was pressed against his chiseled chest, your legs bent at your knees as your feet dangled in the air. you knew what was coming.
“no, no,” kento groans under his breath as he effortlessly keeps your body up against his—his dick twitching and begging for its release to be buried in your womb—
“hold it in for me. you only get to cum when i say you can, sweetheart.”
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strwberri-milk · 2 months
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Hii could I maybe request the lads boys and sugar daddies 🤭🤭
It's okay if you don't tho I understand it's not something everyone is comfortable with :)
im understanding this as lads AS sugar daddies but also im like. thinking about it and these are gonna be kinda short bc i just dont see anybody really being a sugar daddy so these are. very general. fun fact - xaviers is based off a fic premise i never wrote
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Zayne definitely has the capital to be a sugar daddy and he's heard amongst the other doctors that there are some others who have arrangements. He judges them at first, thinking that it's not something he'd really think he's comfortable dealing with. He learns that things don't have to be purely sexual a night or two of him feeling extraordinarily lonely he decides maybe he could just see if he could find someone to spend time with.
Against his better judgement he meets you, someone who invigorates him mentally and enjoys spending his time with you. Your allowance is incredibly generous and you were expecting him to escalate with each nice dinner he takes you to but he's never made a move on you. He's a perfect gentleman and he makes sure you understand that all he wants from you is your time, however much it costs.
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The only way Xavier could end up in this situation is by pure accident. He downloads an app, thinking it was just a way to make friends online. He assumes that payments are for some sort of membership, swiping around until he finds your profile and decides to start chatting with you.
The two of you have a lot in common and when you two meet up for the first time you're glad that he looks a lot younger than you anticipated with the blurry profile photo and slightly outdated shorthand in texting. He sort of slips into the role in a similar manner, paying for your dinners and buying you things that remind him of you.
You don't really think he knows what he's become, especially since you don't receive a traditional allowance of money. You don't mind at all thankfully, fully accepting all of his gifts and meals in exchange for his companionship. Honestly, you don't look at him as a sugar daddy because of how casual everything is, cherishing his friendship as you get to know him.
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Rafayel totally does it as a whim. He decides to download an app for fun, not really into dating period. He doesn't like the way that people fawn over him, or try to pretend that they don't care he's rich despite insisting meeting at fancy restaurants and looking at him expectantly to foot the bill.
You agree to a date with Rafayel because not only is he famous, he's stupid pretty. You decide that spending time with him would definitely not be an awful thing to do. Your first date is formal and you try to wow him with knowledge of his paintings. He doesn't seem very interested but the two of you seem to get along, thankfully.
Over time the two of you become more friendly, Rafayel letting his walls down more as the two of you become more honest with each other. He's very kind with his money and you're paid very generously. He finally has a sort of friend outside of Thomas and genuinely likes bugging you, you not minding the extra attention he gives you in addition to the money you're paid.
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Sylus is constantly fighting off people trying to flirt with him to enter some sort of arrangement. He exudes both wealth and power so of course people are going to be obsessed with him. He usually brushes them all off, not caring, honestly.
He happens to come across you during an evening of drinking. You're trying to flirt with him, not knowing anything about him other than you think he's a very attractive man. He knows that you don't know him with how forward you are, touching and batting your lashes at him flirtatiously.
He ends up deciding to buy you some drinks and the two of you talk well into the night. He gives you his number to talk to him again, telling you that he'd make sure it was worth your time. When you get home that night you find a package addressed to you. A beautiful set of clothes and jewels that fit you perfectly along with an invitation for an event in the week.
This becomes standard for the two of you and you love it. Being on his arm prevents Sylus from getting accosted from people that are desperate for his attention and you're constantly spoiled by his money. You both benefit, growing closer with each other over time.
456 notes · View notes
yok00k · 7 months
Text
Igual Que Un Ángel
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pairing: hellokittylover!/bimbo!oc x boxer!jk
genre: MATURE, fluff, lowkey angst,
“heaven must have sent you, love”
synopsis: after spending the entire day shopping with your boyfriend, you’re craving mochi donuts and bubble milk tea before going to bed and jungkook, even in his tired state, will do everything to make you happy.
word count: 5.4k
warnings: so much fluff, NO plot, jealous/possessive kook, oc can’t tell when someone flirts with her, tiny silent treatment, oc is kinda dumb, lots of kisses, shower sex, oral [m], oc’s head game is STRONG, head pusher jk, hair pulling, they went shopping for underwear, cussing, aftercare, oc is obsessed with pink/hello kitty, oc is so desperate for his cock and she must get what she wants⛄️(she was virgin before this took place), oc had a vid of her playing, mention of toys, JK is not trying to b obvious but he’s IN LOVE, brief cockwarming at the end, <not proofread>
author’s note: i def did not write this in between my classes😮‍💨 i just discovered that im mentally unhinged as im editing this in class. I have my priorities straights tho so here you go🥢
⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆
you suppose today was really wonderful.
you two spend almost the whole day at the outlet mall, mostly to shop clothes for yourself. you needed new pairs of undies and Jungkook being the glorious boyfriend he is, helped you shop. not only he paid for all your purchase, he also gives his opinions on certain cloth materials of what the underwear was made of. he wants to make himself useful by helping you out pick out make sure that they’re comfortable to your preference, he goes with you in the fitting room to try them on in front of him.
As you try on clothes for hours and hours in multiple shops, your boyfriend miraculously always finds a chair in the corner of each fitting room that he can rest on. a few hours later, you two arrive back at your place. jungkook initiated to carry all the paper bags you had as the two of you headed from the garage to inside your house.
soon, he began cooking the night’s dinner, which you really enjoy watching because he keeps entertaining you with his skillful talent and his humorous jokes. a quality time like this just makes you fall in love with him even more. you wish and pray that you can spend the rest of this delightful lifetime with him.
⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆
the hands of the clock signifies 11:11, which is usually the time you drift off to sleep. except tonight isn’t a typical night, owing to the fact that your beloved lover is sleeping over at your cozy flat.
although it’s pretty late, you two are cuddled on your not-so-spacious couch, watching a kdrama that was recently released and you still have the clothes you put on this afternoon: a cute pink long sleeve crop top and a pink/black mini skirt. you also can’t forget to add a pair of thick fleece tights since it’s freezing cold outside.
you felt a sudden cravings for something in the midst of the show. you desire for something sweet. and chewy.
“koo..” you murmur, distracting your man from the show on the big screen. he redirects his focus to you as he caresses your hair with his soft, yet rough palms.
“i’m craving donuts”
“want me to go to the convenience store and grab some for you?” he suggests
“no I don’t want that, I want mochi donuts” you cutely demand
“but baby it’s too late” he said, lifting his wrist to look at his gold Rolex watch. “aren’t they close at this time?”
these days, your social feeds are just full of ads, particularly bakery places nearby your place that serve mouth-watering breads, donuts, ice creams, bubble milk tea, and the list goes on. promptly, the phone that’s sitting next to jungkook was taken by you.
“look, there’s one that’s still open till midnight” you replied, showing him the navigation to the bakery shop that’s on your screen. his tired eyes glanced at your phone, then back at you.
“please koo?” you pleaded, climbing on top of him and giving him thousands of kisses all over his face until he’s got enough is the most effective technique to persuade him. how can jungkook say no when you display a behavior like this to get whatever you want? the forever answer is he just can’t.
⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆
You two arrive at the place twenty minutes before they close. Since it’s late at night, you can see through the big windows that there’s not many customers inside the donut shop.
“oh my, we’re finally here” you joyfully babble to yourself out loud which made your driving boyfriend chuckle. while jungkook slows down the car to eyeball a good parking spot, you reach for your pink purse taking out the hello kitty lip oil to apply them on your chapped lips.
Jungkook carefully parked the car on the side of the road. He looked at our surroundings such as the front, back, and the side of his vehicle, making sure everything seems clear before he takes off his seat belt and gets off of the automobile. As usual, Jungkook walks to the other side, gesturing that he will open the car door for me. This man doesn’t ask a lot regarding how things should be in our relationship but the number one rule he established is that you could never open any door when you’re with him.
He quickly unlocked my door with one hand and offered his other hand to assist my body getting out of the car. As you got out, you felt the strong wind blowing your mini skirts, making them move up. but jungkook immediately takes off his zip up fleece oversized jacket to tie it tight around your waist.he ensures that the skirt won’t go up by walking behind you whilst holding your cold hand towards the bakery.
a scent of sweet caramelized brown sugar that you’ve been craving welcomes you as soon as you step into the threshold of the place. Looking around the store, you notice multiple neon pink led lights of donuts are decorated in the walls. the long honey maple stained table against the windows was paired with white barstool chairs. You also did not fail to miss that their white snowed christmas tree is still up, filled with rosy ornaments and pinkish lights around it.
‘this is definitely my new favorite place’ you noted to yourself as you feel cozy inside.
Your boyfriend wasted no time to lead you to the counter, only for you to see the variety of flavor of their delicious mochi donuts displayed on the front top. you can’t help but to drool on the sight, you’re starting to feel satisfaction by just looking at them.
“hello, what can I get for you today?” the tall male server who’s probably around your age friendly greeted. a little too friendly, in jungkook’s opinion but he chose to try to shrug it off. before answering him, I turned to jungkook “what are you getting koo?” asking to know what he wants.
“don’t know. you can order whatever you want for me” he responds as his doe eyes look up to scan the menu on the screen that’s mounted in their polished ceramic walls. Jungkook is on a diet these days therefore he tries his best to restrain eating sweets but he knows that cheat days won’t hurt if it only happens once or twice a month.
turning to face the server once again, you made up your mind on what to order. “hi, can we get two brown sugar milk teas with less ice and can you make one extra sugar please” you gently requested and the server instantly punched the orders in their ipad.
you take another look at the yummy donuts before continuing. “and i would like to get a dozen of the mochi donuts.” you pointed to the biggest bakery box.
jungkook wasn’t even surprised that you’re getting 12 pieces, potentially all for yourself considering you have a sweet tooth, which could be really extreme sometimes. he stands still next to you, amused by how cute you are, getting all excited by all these sweets you’re about to eat as you tell the the guy the flavors you want.
the server hands you two of their fresh brown sugar bubble milk tea & pink box that contains lots of sugar and of course, you happiness. afterwards, he declars the total for all the things you order. you’re about to tap in your debit card that’s covered with hello kitty skin when jungkook’s black card is already approved on the chip card reader.
“you didn’t have to koo” you murmur. your man always insists on paying for everything,
“i want too”
he does things for you not because he’s going to gain something or that he’s expecting some type of return from you. Rather, he does them solely because he loves you and he loves seeing you getting all the things you want.
for the meantime ,you look for a table that you two can sit at, particularly a spot where there’s a cute background since you would like to take some photos.
immediately, your eyes spot the perfect table right next to the huge windows to sit and take pictures in. you swiftly walk over the spot and your boyfriend follows you like a lost puppy.
“kook can you take pictures of me here?” you ask, while unwrapping the thick jacket around your waist and position yourself on the stool chair.
jungkook unlocks the camera on his phone, positions the cellular in your desired angle, and clicks the white button multiple times. he casually looks at the camera screen and looks up to you. when he notices that by the way your sitting is slightly showing your ass, and instantly goes up to you to fix it. you’re confused at first by his sudden action but you soon realize why.
“oops, thank you kookie” you chortle
when he goes back to his previous standing position, he catches the same annoying server maliciously staring at you, in a way that’s very unpleasant to him, which just pisses him off more. nevertheless, he captures photos of your adorable face while attempting to drink your favorite bubble tea for the camera. then, he passes his phone so you can review the images.
‘he’s such a great photographer’you thought. these picture will be posted on your pink themed finsta.
“can we go now?” jungkook harsly rushed. this place is alright, but that fucking server is just making his blood boils. he needs to get you two out of here before he does something not pretty.
you read his sudden unusual behavior and chose not to argue. you really loved this place, but you can understand that your boyfriend is too tired and just wanted to sleep. you’ll definitely come back though.
“wait koo, I'll use their restroom first.” you excuse yourself, feeling the need to change the menstrual pad that you’re wearing, you fear bleeding through jungkook’s leather seats.
you did your business pronto. unexpectedly when you walked out of the restroom, the friendly worker corners you, with something in his hand.
“miss, would you like to have this?” He offers the cute and huge hello kitty boba plushie that is in his grip. your eyes widening as they gaze upon the lovely thing. “I noticed your phone case and I thought this is perfect for you” he shyly adds as he scratches the back of his head, pointing out the pink Hello Kitty case you have.
“sure! how much is it?” you respond with full of energy. this plush will be added to your collection.
“don’t worry about it,here” he extends the plushie towards you, gesturing that you should take it.
you look for some type of unseriousness in his eyes but you found none. he does seem nice. you accept the cute plushie that’s waiting for you to be held, hugging it really tight.
“you’re really cute. do you mind if I get your number?” the man in front of you speaks. “so i can give you more plushies for free of course” he further explains, trying to convince you to give him your digits
but you remember what jungkook once said, and that is never give any other men your number. Although you can’t grasp why he doesn’t want you to do that, you listen to him because you don’t want to get him all sad and mad at you. angry jungkook is the least thing you want to deal with. he turns really cold and you hate not getting affection from him.
“I'm sorry but I can't give you my number. thanks for this though.” you give him a weak smile. you also hate the feeling of rejecting people but you also don’t want to get in trouble.
the friendly expression that the guy has been erased and replaced with a blank expression, as if ‘no’ isn’t the right answer. he snarls before speaking “Is it because of your punk boyfriend? c'mon pretty girl he doesn’t have to kno-“
“who doesn’t have to know what?” a familiar voice cuts off the man you’re facing before you can understand what the previous man just said.
jungkook approaches you, snatching the plushy in your grasp. “where did you get this from?” he sternly asks. he might have known the answer, it’s so obvious from what it looks like, but he needs to make sure before he beats somebody’s ass.
“koo he gav-“ that was enough for jungkook to vigorously slam the plushy back onto that guy’s chest, making the man flinch and slightly back off. “look or talk to my woman one more time and things will get ugly for you” he threatens, giving the guy the most serious stare, the same stare he has when fighting in the boxing ring.
without saying anything, he grabs your hand sternly and you two walk out the store. you still didn’t get why jungkook didn’t want you to have that plushie, it was perfect to add to your collection.
the entire car ride back to your place was awfully quiet. you offer to drive back home when you notice that he’s speeding and seems so tense, but jungkook refuses, telling you that he’s fully capable of driving back with a somber tone.. his tattooed hands aren’t where they’re supposed to be placed, your thigh. but you argue no further, not wanting to make him more angry than he already is.
⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆
hours later, you’re gathering the sleepwear you’ll wear for tonight before hopping in the shower, which is currently occupied by your boyfriend. usually, you two always shower together whenever you’re sleeping at his place and vice versa, but tonight you received no invitation from him since he’s giving you silent treatment for an unknown reason.
despite the fact, you made up your mind to join him as you enter the steamy bathroom, the warm atmosphere welcomes you while you close the door behind you.
your gaze meets jungkook’s tall muscular figure, his tattooed arm up against the white wall, while head is pointing down as the hot water that’s coming from the showerhead runs down his body.
quietly strip down your clothes, you proceed to open the sliding shower door and step inside the shower, closing the distance between you and him.
jungkook faintly flinched as he felt a pair of dainty arms wrapped around his bare torso. he knew exactly who they belonged to, his loved one.
he slightly turns his head, just to see you, hopelessly showing affection towards him in the midst of washing the negative internal thoughts out of his system.
“are you mad at me baby?” you worriedly ask, overthinking that you might have done something that might upset him or maybe he’s too stressed out on his non-stop training schedule since his competitions are coming soon or maybe he can’t handle being with you anymore. lots of maybe but communication is the only way you will know how he feels.
the question of yours sends a sharp pang of guilt in his chest. you completely did nothing wrong. he knows for a fact you can’t say no to anyone who gives you a Hello Kitty plushie. your tiny little head just can’t comprehend that these guys want something in return for giving you things you love to collect. you’re too good for your own.
now he feels like a total idiot, another part of him feels guilty for the sudden shift in his behavior, solely because he's so in love with you that he can’t stand seeing men look at your way.
you did nothing wrong. nothing at all. you’re just so goddamn beautiful that your boyfriend is starting to lose it.
he can’t help but let the possessiveness take over him as soon as he perceives other guys showing their interest in his pretty girl. the woman he desires to keep to himself for the rest of this lifetime, the next one, and for many more
jungkook crowds you up against the cold marble wall just after he turns his buff body to face you. wasting no time, he leaves smooches on your pouty lips and jaw. “didn’t I tell you I'm the only one who can give you hello kitty stuff?” he sensually whispers to your right ear, continuing to give you wet kisses. “hmm?”
“but why?” you pout, resulting in the kisses to come to stop. he looks at you directly in the eyes, “because i’m your boyfriend and that job is solely for me” he simply explains
“but koo it was for free, he was really nice but then he started asking for my number so he could give me more but i didn’t give it to him because you specifically instructed me not to.” you mindlessly babble, explaining your side all in one sentence. simultaneously, you grab the white loofa next to the pink one and apply jungkook’s favorite body wash. it still doesn’t make sense to you. you love collecting hello kitty, but the love you have for the man in front of you is significantly greater.
oh jungkook is really going to lose it. that fucker had the audacity to ask you shit like that right when you’re with him.
“and that’s why I don’t want you talking to them, they want to take advantage of you” he takes a deep breath
“i’m sorry kook” you mutter, attempting to cuddle his naked form.
“i know something was off with that motherfucker” he starts off, “keeps looking at you in a way i don’t appreciate” he finally admits, with his tone hinting a pinch of jealousy. “and that fucking plush- he’s getting on my fucking nerves.”
“all he can do is look koo” you laugh. “Besides, I’m already cuffed by my hot boyfriend. what more can I possibly look for?” your words declaring that your eyes are only fixed to him. there’s no reason to look at other men anyways.
“you’re only mine right?” he just needs to directly hear those words come out of your mouth.
“only yours” you murmur. and that reassured him. for now.
you stand on your tiptoe to kiss his cute nose, from there you smack your lips against his as your smooth palms trace his jawline.
as seconds goes by, the desire to express how much you love him is rapidly growing. you want him. you need him.
you detach your lips against his, just to fixate them on his neck, right on the pretty tiny mole on his skin, your favorite spot. your hand does its own job to explore his sculpted body, finding its way to palm his painful growing erection.
he knows where this is going
your kisses trail from his upper chest to his defined abs; so brawny and delicious. he follows your gesture, finding you on your knees, beneath him, your beautiful face positioned right in front of his hardening cock.
oh this is the one and only circumstance he would kill and die for to be in.
jungkook knows that sly grin expression you wear as you look up with those round doll eyes. purposely, your both arms push against each other to give him a good view of your perky breast squeezed together. with his shaft twitching, can’t help but to utter an uncontrollable moan from seeing you like this.
“can I?” you ask softly, waiting for permission from him as if you’re not in this sinful position at least twice every time you two spend time together. no matter what, you still drool by just staring at his cock as if it’s your favorite lollipop.
he quietly hums and nods his head while nibbling his lip piercings, giving you the green light.
you start off slow, giving his pretty pink tip covered with precum small pecks. smearing the liquid around your lips, pretending it as if it’s one of your lip gloss, making them nice and glossy.
sweet
“i only wanna do this with you” you hungrily voice out in each swift peck while locking your seductive eyes on his.
he brings his fingers towards your jaw, lifting your chin up. “open” he commands, directing you to open your mouth. and so you did, without hesitation. a hot glob of spit falls into your tongue, which turns you on even more. you quickly swallow it and resume with what you’re doing.
he continues to watch you as your swollen lips slowly wrap his thick cock. your mouth is solely made for jungkook as it welcomes him inch by inch. although sucking him becomes a part of your daily routine, you still need to take a sweet time adjusting to his length.
irresistible tears roll down your face as he hits the back of your throat for the first few times, but you’re so determined to make him feel good. you began bobbing your head back and forth as your mouth slowly adjusted to his size.
“hmm, so good baby” he muffles weakly. “j-just like that” almost sounds as if he’s about to cry from the incredible sensation.
you can’t help but to release a quiet whine from hearing him. the steamy bathroom is filled with jungkook's angelic yet sinful groans, along with the sounds that’s being created as you which arouse you even more. he’s got your pussy clenching over nothing.
your bent knees on the cold and wet ground are starting to get tired, but you pay no attention to them. rather, you take him even more, until his tip hits the back of your throat. you continue to do it smoothly, using no hands.
you proceed to shift your attention to untouched balls. your tiny hand softly jerks off his length upward, as a trail of kisses made their way from the underside of his girthy and veiny cock to one of the oval-shaped organs. wet and loud smooches on jungkook’s sensitive skin turn to sloppy sucking. your mouth is so full of him. a mixture of his precum and saliva of yours covers your entire chin, even some of it drops on the ground.
this sequence stirs more moans from jungkook, but this time he gets louder and louder. his slender hands acts at its own and gather your length hair into a ponytail, just so he can manipulate your head, to use you however he pleases
Jungkook pulls your hair back, causing you to lose contact with the sac you were passionately lapping. he leads you mouth back to where it should give its focus to. his throbbing cock. once his dewy dick is shoved in you, he pushes your cock drunk head to take more of him. you obediently follow the flow of the hand guiding your head
“such a good girl” he grunts, throwing his head up in the air, then focusing back on you. “only for me”. your boyfriend is still controlling your head bobbing on his length.
“you’re such a slut for a fucking hello kitty, aren’t you?” jungkook mocks in between deep breaths. “me or that stupid kitty cat? huh?” thrusting his hips into your messy and well-fucked face.
you just moan against him, not even bothering to answer him because you’re too fucked, your tiny little brain is wearing out as you keep bouncing your head up and down. and also it might be because you know for a fact that you could be a slut for hello kitty too sometimes. you’re in no position to protest.
the man above you grips your hair even tighter, demanding you to answer him. “I wanna hear you baby”
“‘mmh you, o-only you koo,” you sob. lots and lots of tears coming out of your eyes. “all I want is you and this cock” you mewl weakly as you desperately lap his precious tip, just like how he loves it.
“that’s it, pretty girl, I'm cummin’” he verbalizes, grasping your head forcibly as slamming his pelvis into your abused mouth. to this point, you feel dizzy and your whole body is worn out. you grip into his beefy thighs as you allow him to utilize you like a slut.
“hmpp f-fuck” he moans loudly, releasing abundant strings of semen into your mouth. he cums so deep inside your throat. not wanting a drop to fall, you gobble up everything as your life depends on them.
after swallowing, you show him your empty mouth, with tongue being out. you can see in his half lidded eyes that he’s proud, giving you a soft smile.
you were about to get up when all of a sudden the dizzy spell hits you real hard, causing you to lose your balance but jungkook catches you before you can even fall.
“hey, you okay? Did I go too hard?” he locks his gaze upon you, hoping that you will lock yours to him too. but you didn’t as you are sobbing and trembling a little bit. jungkook wipes the dries tears on your swollen face with one hand while the other wraps around your waist. he might have gone harder than you can handle.
“baby look at me please? did I hurt you? i'm sor—“
“koo i’m okay” you faintly cut his sentence off. he doesn’t need to be sorry. “just need a few minutes to recover” you explain. jungkook immediately understands that. he gives you minutes of peaceful silence, with that, he takes care of washing your body. gently rubbing the pink loofah in your smooth skin as he hums the song that’s been stuck in your brain for quite a while.
after showering, he helps you slip on your baby pink dainty nightgown. this dress is special. jungkook got it for you when he flew abroad for one of his boxing competitions. one day, he and his team were strolling around the fancy mall when he passed by a cute local lingerie store that you will definitely check out, only if you were with him. of course, he chose to follow what his heart tells him to do, to go inside and find a thing or two to give you as soon as he comes home. to you.
⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆
both yours and jungkook’s bodies are situated on your twin sized bed. in spite of the fact that there’s not much for the two of you and one of you might fall on the ground if another moves a little, it’s not a hurdle as you two embrace each other’s warmth as if there’s no tomorrow. two bodies comfortably embracing one another. tonight, you’re designated to be the tiny spoon
“ggukie..” you murmur, hot breath fanning against his bare chest. “hmm??” jungkook looks down to see what his princess needs.
“want your cock”you weakly pleaded, causing the man to slightly chuckle. you must be out of your mind.
“baby, your body is tired” said by him, shaking his head to show his disapproval. what a silly idea that goes around your mind when your eyes can barely open. you’re really out here doing everything but to sleep. he continues to caress your soft hair.
on a side note, you and jungkook never had penetrative sex before. yes, he eats you out here and there and vice versa. but he never dares to insert himself inside you.
indeed you’re a virgin but it’s not that you never wanted to. matter of fact you’ve made up your mind and are willing to give your virginity to him. jungkook is well aware of that. however, fear of hurting you always troubles him. he’s afraid that you will go through pain, scared that he’ll break you: his fragile pretty girl
“need your cock inside me” you continue to whine. “didn’t I show you a video of me from last week taking the toy you gifted me? you said I did so well” reminding him that one video clip of you masturbating to the pink rose you got from him. how could he forget about that when he uses it to get off every single night? with full on volume too, all ears concentrate on your high pitched moans, giving him more than the satisfaction he craves. the thoughts of that makes the lust that nearly vanishes inside him linger, you just never fail to get him arouse even before going to sleep.
however, jungkook is still in his right mind. “that’s different,” he argues. it’s valid to doubt that he’ll fit.
“ok then just put it in me then we can sleep?” you beg, attempting to compromise. “just wanna feel you close while I sleep. can you imagine how much I missed you?” you’ve come to an extent to use the guilt trip tool to convince him.
he understands the emotion you’re trying to make him feel as he looks into your bambi doe eyes. looking so innocent yet begging for his cock. evoking his guilt to get what you want. jungkook recognizes you in and out, you won’t take no for an answer. also it’s not like he’s not dying to do it, as if he doesn’t fantasize about it when you sleep over at his penthouse. the amount of self control he has..
you have him on a chokehold. jungkook doesn’t say anything, rather he gently lifts up the arm which your head is laying on and slightly gets up to open the pink mini cabinet on top of your nightstand, taking out a sky blue container.
“here, apply it”, throwing the lube bottle on your lap.
you’re stunned, heart excitedly does jumping jacks inside your chest. next time it will be you doing jumping jacks on his di-
“cmon cutie I don’t have all night” he blurts, interrupting your thoughts. you never get up so fast in your nineteen years of living. he goes straight back to his original position, laid on his back. he may act chill,but he’s internally pleased and aroused.
as you go down on him (again), your two hands get a grip of the band of his black boxer and pull it down, his semi-hard cock immediately springs out. you can’t help but to give it a tiny peck before giving it a few strokes as you point it towards your lips
you open the bottle up with a pop, squirting out enough lube on your fingers before gently spreading it on his tip. he hisses as he feels the cold liquid substance being applied to him. you trace the sides of his length, ensuring the reduction of friction.
he grabs your arm, guiding your body to lay down sideways next to him. a tattooed veiny arm from behind snakes around your torso, clasping your upper body.
“ready?” he whispers, as he nibbles your ear. jungkook earns longingly nods from you, and for a split moment he spreads some liquid using his lubricated tip around your private area before slowly inserting it in. you discern the penetrating sensation in your core, which makes you purr.
he continues to penetrate inside you furthermore, causing you to close your eyes and tighten your clasp on his arms as you bear with the ache. he fully aware of how you’re feeling as he’s also having a hard time moving in.
“bare with me baby” tensely reassuring you. “so t-tight, fuck.” his other arm makes its journey below your nightgown, traveling its way to your perky breast, delicately squeezing one of them. jungkook does the same and gives the attention to the other one. simultanously, he plants a few smooches on the skin behind your ear, attemping to distract you from the pain. you quietly release moans and groans as he continues. he’s inches in when he feels your wall clenching around him.
your tight pussy becomes jungkook’s personal paradise. it’s the way your walls are clenching around him is better than he imagined; unmatched from all the fantasy he creates in his mind about you.
“koo.. “ your fingers tracing the veins on the back of his palm.
“what? my baby can’t handle it? tell me and I’ll stop” he softly asks. a tear just drops from you leg but you’re too tired to even react.
“n-no just stay inside, i’m sleepy” and with that, you instantly drift to sleep.
he hums, a hand that was busy playing on your chest shifts to caress your hair. jungkook lays one last kiss at your temple.
“goodnight to you too my pretty girl, love you so much”
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gay-dorito-dust · 19 days
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i didn't realise i could just ask here than from messages im so sorry 💀 but im hungry so can you please write some more damian scenarios 😕 (angst/fluff PLEASE 🙏) im sorry if I'm bothering you but i can't get enough of your writing 😔 hope you're taking care of yourself tho!! :)))
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This’ll probably seem really short but it’s like almost 10pm and I’m running on fumes and bad mental health days lately 😂
‘What’re you doing my treasure.’ Damian said as he walked into his room, only to find you had let Ace and Titus on the bed and he had to blink twice to make sure his mind wasn’t making up them wearing pyjamas on top of that.
‘Nothing.’ You said nonchalantly as you brought Titus in your arms, cuddling him while he remained looking at his owner.
‘I thought I said none of our pets should be on the bed?’ Damian then said as he gestured to the two dogs that you had let on the bed without his permission as though the situation you both faced wasn’t obvious.
‘I was feeling lonely when you were out on patrol.’ You replied, pouting. ‘That and I was bored and out the dogs in pyjamas to feel included with me being in pyjamas.’ You added as you smiled widely at him. Damian sighed, he shouldn’t be surprised, this was bound to happen sooner or later since you still had a couple more weeks to heal your leg before being cleared for vigilante work again.
So naturally you are going to rope in Titus and Ace one way or another in your shenanigans much like you did with Jerry and Goliath when you had hurt your arm, Damian almost lost his mind trying to find you only to find you fast sleep stop of Goliath, with Jerry acting on guard in front of you both. It was certainly a humorous sight had he not been on high alert when he couldn’t find you in bed upon his return from a mission with Bruce.
‘You could’ve waited until I came back my beloved, I don’t want you hurting your self further just trying to entertain yourself.’ Damian lightly scolded you as he walked over to your side of the bed, kissing you on the forehead before greeting -and thanking- ace and Titus with head pats and ear scratches, as an almost missable smile graced his face upon seeing the two dogs poetically melt into his scratches.
This was the sight he loved most when coming home and he always wanted to come home to this as many times as he could in the nearby distant future.
‘I’ll be fine Dami,’ you said softly as you reached out to hold his cheek in your hand, ‘I’m not doing anything that’ll cause me any discomfort or more pain then I’m already in and that I’ve been in really good company.’ You gesture towards ace and Titus who would press themselves against either of your sides, acting as living crutches for you when you tried to move about the room and down the halls, they’d even look up at you as though to silently ask if you were okay and if you needed to sit down soon.
You knew Damian was behind this and couldn’t help but bring him into a tender to his forehead. ‘Thank you.’ You whispered.
‘For what my treasure?’ He asks softly as he manages to settle himself on the edge of your shared bed.
‘For having ace and Titus look out of me when you’re gone, sometimes I forget how well you know me to know that I’d get restless when healing.’ You said as you patted both dogs on their sides in appreciation as they both decided that they had gotten comfortable enough to start falling asleep. Neither you nor Damian had the heart to tell them to get off, and silently decided that one night every so often could Ace and Titus could share the bed with you and Damian.
‘Like you said I know you, better then most, and I’d like it more if you didn’t go and get yourself hurt from trying to do something beyond your current capability.’ Damian admitted softly as he began to get into more comfortable sleepwear to join you, Titus and ace in bed by climbing into your side of the bed and holding you again his chest upon seeing as how Titus and ace took up his side of the bed.
‘How sweet of you my dear.’ You said cheekily as you kissed his hand that rested on your side before yawning.
‘Sleep my love,’ Damian said softly as he watched you rest your weary and heavy head upon his chest, ‘sleep sweetly.’ He adds just as you succumb to long awaited sleep as he kissed your forehead, only to follow after you not long after being certain that you’d wouldn’t be bothered anymore before joining you in the dream realm either Titus and Ace.
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thisfanisgonesorry · 1 year
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groupie love — hobie brown
guitarists dont get as many groupies as you’d think they do. 😮 
tags: smut, vaginal sex, mirror sex, hairpulling, hookups go crazy, dom/sub, teasing/praise kink obv, creampie bc i forgot the condom at home, brief cockwarming. bro is a lovesick idiot fr. possessive as HELL. porn w feelings kinda? infatuation? idk theres feelings! im mentally ill! pussy so good that hes down bad! consent is sexy tho.. parasocial relationships arent
(but it’s so hard sometimes with the star when you have to share him with everybody; and i know what you’re thinking of, you want my groupie love)
🕸️
One thing led to another and he was leading me through the backstage entryway, his arm draped over my shoulder as he walked with a pep in his step, filled with adrenaline and trying to get it out of his system in ways that didn’t end in him pouncing on me. (Though admittedly, that’d be short lived.)
Backstage was mostly empty besides a few select crewmates who overall didn’t seem too phased by my presence. Hobie greeted them as he walked past, as if he knew each one personally. The rest of the band had seemingly dipped, and weren’t too worried about Hobie being missing from wherever they’d gone to hang out.
“Li’l lady wants to check out the green room.” He winked at one of the crew as he continued, dismissing them to give us space. The green room was nice but it wasn’t his destination in mind. He stood there for a minute, looking down at me briefly, before spinning dramatically and pushing his back against the dressing room door, sliding in and pressing me against the wall in a fairly smooth action.
“Don’t think anyone saw that?” I muttered out quickly, it was more of a question as I really didn’t see much from the spin itself, caught a little off guard by the sudden movement and unable to process much until I was pinned firmly against the wall. The dressing room was small, and he took advantage of the fact.
“M’hm, no.” He shook his head, leaning in slightly. “Nah, y’re all mine.” He continued.
His hands lingered on my waist, his fingertips reaching under the fabric and restraining himself as much as he could as he felt the soft skin underneath.
“You seem energised.” I laughed softly.
“I’m fine, jus’ got my blood pumping. Was a good show. Can I kiss you?” He spoke quickly to the point where if you weren’t paying attention, you would’ve missed it. There was a short moment of silence where the air hung heavy as he waited, oh, how he waited so very patiently.
“... Yeah.” I nodded.
His patience ran thin, and his lips harshly made contact with mine, almost pushing my head into the wall. What a way to get a concussion. He groaned into it for a moment, enjoying the taste and licking my bottom lip slightly. My hands loosely hung around his neck, 
“Bloody ‘ell...” He muttered, pulling away and going down my neck. His free hand reached to the door, locking it before anyone could walk in. He was kissing and licking my neck, letting small bitemarks dance across the skin.
He began tugging at the hem of my shirt anxiously, wanting to just strip me bare, bend me over, fuck my brains out, but all in due time.
“Doors soundproof.” He commented. “Let me—”
One arm was wrapped around his shoulders, grabbing a fistful of the leather jacket and tugging on it to beckon him forward as the other grabbed his hand, pushing it closer. In hindsight, it was kind of sweet how certain he was letting things be.
He quickly removed my shirt that had his own band’s logo on it, throwing it to the floor and fumbling on the bra, running his large palms over the fabric. I leaned forward to kiss him again and his hands dropped to my hips, hastily (and harshly) dragging me to the dressing table, pushing me up against it. 
Our lips were reconnected once again, though the kisses were messy. My arm was still around his neck, my other on his chest. His hands began to slightly shimmy down my shorts and he moaned into the kiss. “S’pretty, darlin’, so..” He mumbled breathlessly, pulling away enough to let me kick off the shorts (albeit, struggling to because of my boots) and for him to shrug off his jacket. Both articles disappeared somewhere into the room to be determined later.
My hands lingered to his hips, reaching up and feeling his toned abs from under his shirt. “Y’so hot, Hobie.” I moaned back, feeling the way his stomach tensed under my fingertips.
“What? like ‘m not meant t’be fit?” He tried to joke as he palmed my tits again. 
“Didn’t mean it like that.”
He only responded with a laugh, kissing my neck and collarbone as he removed the bra, thrown to the side and his hands explored downwards in an attempt to remove the last of clothing.
“This aint fair.” I breathed, seeing him still fully dressed.
“Yeh, I know.” He responded, taking his shirt off, another piece lost to the room.
He ended up turning the light off, so the only light in the room was the one radiating from the mirror itself. He looked good like this but I guess that was the point. His face was flushed, it would be hard to tell otherwise if it wasn’t for the heat that it was giving off, you could literally feel it from across the room; his eyes were hyper focused and his lips were swollen slightly.
He leaned forward to kiss me again. “Y’re so beautiful.” He groaned.
“I was about to say the same thing.”
I reached down boldly, my fingers twitching to unbutton his jeans, to pull the zip down, to—
“Y’re gonna hurt y’self.” He joked, swatting my shaking hands away. “Touch yourself f’me.” He asked softly, trying to speak clearly despite his otherwise dishevelled behaviour.
I slid my fingers between my legs, toying with him as he watched between kisses. 
“C’mon, darl’.” He purred sweetly. “Work y’self open f’me, please?”
He swallows the moans that leave my mouth as I push my fingers inside, weakly thrusting as he continues to kiss me, hovering over me as he palms his hardness through his jeans.
“Hobie, c’mon.” I groaned, getting impatient with him. All he wanted to do was toy and tease me; holding me closely as his eyes scanned my naked body like a piece of meat, kissing as much of the flesh as he could, longing for the taste and feel under his lips.
“Alr’, alr’.” He drawled finally.
He pulled away enough to create distance between us, we both stood in anticipation, catching our breath slightly as he unbuttoned his jeans and pulled the zip. The jeans themselves were grungy, and his dick freed itself from the tight confines as quickly as it could, shimmying the jeans down to his thighs.
“No underwear? Anarchist goes commando?” I asked breathlessly as I continued to work myself, yet finding humour in comparing him to a militia.
He sucked in a sharp breath. “Y/n. Don’t.” He warned.
“You go pantless just in case some pretty girl would fuck you tonight?”
I poked my tongue out between my teeth, biting down on it slightly, wanting nothing more than to be testing my luck with him. He grabbed my wrists, removing my hand from my insides and holding the sticky, shiny fingers up. It looked filthy in the bright light, he tutted slightly before licking the fingers clean, grinding his hard cock against the slick folds.
He held both my wrists in place, making it impossible for me to fight him with the movement of his hips, he was careful that he wouldn’t accidentally push himself into me, whether or not that accident was with his own free will or not. He was enjoying this, the torturous nature of it all. Yeah, definitely don’t talk back to him.
“Feels s’good like this.” He tried to speak clearly; “Could jus’ fuck you like this, yeah? Cum all over y’r cunt, don’t even go in?”
“I’m sorry.” I quickly spoke when I realised he could just stay like this.
“You’re sorry?”
“Please, Hobie, fuck me real good. I’m sorry, didn’t mean it.” I pleaded, though he could tell the words were only half hearted.
He tried to laugh but it got swallowed into a groan. He threw his head back and released my wrists. “Yeah, yeah. C’mon.” He spoke, finding amusement in it. He hissed slightly at the loss of contact as he turned me around to look in the mirror, bending me over the dressing table.
His breathing quickened as he admired the view of me bent over the table, elbows supporting my weight and my pretty eyes looking up at him through the mirror. He swallowed thickly, still grinding lazily against the wetness as he tried to shimmy his pants down further, they got about a little past his knees before getting snagged on his boots and he realised that it wouldn’t go much further than that.
“Ngh.. Fuck, y’so good.” He struggled out, a low moan erupting from his throat. “Gettin’ m’cock all nice ‘n’wet.”
“Hobie, I’m sorry.” I threw my head forward, not wanting to look at our reflections. “Fuck me, please, want you.”
“I know.” He groaned as he aligned himself. He gave a harsh tug on my hair, forcibly making me look in the mirror. “Look. Watch.” He panted.
He slid his thickness deep inside in one slow, stuttery motion. I watched carefully, my mouth fell open and my eyes threatened to close. His eyebrows knitted together and his mouth mimicked mine, falling agape.
“Oh my fucking god.” I moaned out, unable to hold my head up but quickly felt the tug on my hair as he held my limp neck in position.
He buried himself completely, “Look at how I’m stretchin’ you out, y/n, my darlin’.” He grinned lopsidedly.
He began thrusting slowly, watching the faces that I made, his eyebrows stayed knitted like he was focused on my expressions and nothing else.
“So good, Hobie.” I muttered, my head threatening to dip forward if it wasn’t for his grip on my hair. I tried to squirm away from him and his grip on my hip got tighter. “So big.”
“Yeah?” He spoke condescendingly, relishing at the way I felt around him. “Y’ve been dreamin’ about this, haven’t ya’?”
“Mhm, all the time.” I moaned quietly. “Fantasise about y’so bad.” 
“I bet’cha always wondered how good I’d feel buried deep in y’cunt.” He commented, picking up his pace as he felt the warmth swallow him perfectly; it wasn’t necessarily rough or fast, but the size of his cock as it nestled all the way in was almost too much. Almost. “The real things s’much better, ain’t it?”
“Ah! Yes!” I cried, reaching back to push at his hips.
“Takin’ me s’well, darlin’.” He groaned, not letting up. He wasn’t being relentless but the position and the harsh pound of his cock was all too much at once, I closed my eyes tight and he fought the urge to give another harsh tug on my hair.
“S’deep, Hobes, baby—” I groaned, though it was immediately followed by pathetic whines which completely diminished the point I was trying to make.
“Why y’pushin’ at me, sweet thing? What’s wrong?” He teased, knowing damn well that there wasn’t the faintest of an issue.
“So deep.. So big. Slow down.”
“What? Y’don’t think y’can take it?” He joked through slurred speech, giving a particularly harsh thrust.
“Mhm!” I jerked forward with a whine, then feeling the harsh tug on my hair as my body pulled away from his tight grip.
“I think y’can take it jus’ fine.” He continued teasing, still desperately nudging my insides. “M’pricks too big f’you, ain’t it, darlin’?”
I shook my head weakly, keeping my eyes glued on his face as he fucked me from behind. “No, mhm— I can take it.” I struggled out.
“Y’doin’ s’good.” He slurred with a groan.
The audible wet sounds began to fill the dressing room and I could do nothing but let out a pathetic whine as I could feel the sticky liquid make a mess on both our thighs. The slickness was making it easier for him to slide in and out, using it to his advantage to fuck into me even harder. It did nothing to ease the slight slapping sound, and if that door wasn’t soundproof like Hobie claimed, we were probably being louder than the show itself was.
I shook my head weakly, jerking forward at his movements and taking whatever he would give me. “So good. So deep. So big.” I rambled, the only words that my brain could come up with at the given moment.
“I want y’to watch, darlin. Look at y’r pretty face as I fuck you.” He spoke, knowing I wouldn’t be able to open my eyes in the slightest, coming across like nothing but a cock drunk groupie whore, though I guess, it wasn’t far off. “Y’re basically droolin’ for me.”
“Keep talkin’ to me like that, holy shit, make me cum.”
“Eyes up here. On me. Y’got it.” He praised, his harsh tugs became more gentle as he got more stern in keeping my eyes on the view. “Keep lookin’, c’mon, darlin’, look. Y’re s’beautiful. All f’me, look at ya. So fuckin’ gorgeous.”
His voice began to ramble, whines and groans leaving his throat at intervals. 
“I’m trying.” I mumbled out; “It’s hard.”
“Darl’, ‘m not gon’ keep tellin ya’ to keep y’head up.” He moaned, removing his hand from my hair and rubbing figure 8’s right where I needed it. “Yeah, y’re gonna take it.” He panted, leaning over my body to press kisses on my shoulder and neck. “Take it, darlin’, doin’ good. Doin’ so good.”
I leaned my head back on his shoulder, looking down through half-lidded eyes at the filthy view of him fucking me into his dressing table.
“See? You can handle watchin y’self gettin’ fucked like a good girl.”
“Hobie, ‘m gonna cum.” I moaned, struggling to watch myself but worried that if I stopped, he’d pull his hands away from me.
“Watch y’self, good girl.” He praised again.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
“Fuck, can feel y’squeezin’ me.” He whined. “Cum for me, darlin’, s’pretty when y’clench this big cock, yeah? ‘M stretching it out, y’gonna be so perfect f’me.”
I took a bite out of my knuckle as I felt it hit, he slowed down slightly but kept the movements methodical besides the gradual slowing as he praised me throughout it.
“Hobie—” I cried out.
The way I clenched around him made him harshly hold onto my hip, the moans filled the room loudly as he fucked me through the wave. Small purrs of praise were audible but it was almost impossible to focus.
“You right?” He rasped out, slowing his movements to a halt. He would’ve cum right then and there if he didn’t have half the mind to prolong himself.
“Mhm.” I hummed, dazed and confused. “Keep goin’.” I acknowledged, wanting to make him feel good.
“Wish I could fuck a pretty thing like you after all m’shows.” He spoke sweetly in my ear, thrusting up again for his own orgasm, it started slow but he increased his pace when he began riling himself up with ideas. “Tease y’before so y’re all wet and ready when ‘m done.” He laughed softly. “Y’can help me warm up m’fingers for the guitar.”
He spoke softly and calmly as he could, feeling the wetness twitch around him from overstimulation. He kept this slow as he could, knowing that he didn’t want to end things just yet. His dazed eyes tried to memorise every detail he could; hooking up with a groupie meant the chance of never seeing them again, his movements on my clit picking up too; he was desperate to bring me pleasure, he needed this just as much as I did, which was saying a lot.
I weakly tried to keep my head up, watching his face attentively, he looked completely dishevelled with need; something about this was driving him crazy but all I could focus on was how good he felt.
He started kissing my neck again before deciding to ask a question he knew I probably wouldn’t answer otherwise. “Why ain’t you got’a boyfr’nd?” He grunted over my limp body, feeling himself hit the deepest parts and watching me react to it. My vision would go white and I’d jerk into the feeling.
“Don’t want one. Only want you.” I spoke matter-of-factly despite my dazed demeanour.
“Fuck, Y/n, Don’t say that.” He choked. “Wan’ keep you all f’myself.”
I groaned, pressing myself closer against his body. His arms wrapped around my torso, pulling me to stand upright and my arms reached around to touch him the best I could, though his hand stayed glued to the pussy that he’d grown infatuated with.
“Y’re gonna be thinkin’ about this for a long time, yeah?” He breathed. “Gonna think about m’cock fuckin’ into y’cunt?”
“Hobie—”
“I feel y’gettin’ close again. God, want y’so fuckin’ bad.”
His hand took a faster pace than what it previously was, rubbing hard and fast circles into my clit, wanting to feel me be undone on him when he cums.
“Better than I could’ve imagined.” I panted in admission.
“Y’re.. ‘M right there.” He moaned. “Y’so hot, makin’ me s’hard. Gonna make m’cum.”
There was nothing I could do to respond besides lewdly take what he was giving me, nodding weakly and trying to watch the view in front of me. He looked so beautifully debauched, and feeling his ragged breathing against my spine was something I didn’t know I needed to feel, something I unknowingly longed for.
“Mhm, y’can stay wit’ us.” He nodded, as if what he was rambling made any sense. “Bring you along, keep you f’shows. Darlin’, you’d be my perfect li’l groupie..”
His pussy-whipped drunk ramblings sounded like a love confession as he neared his release, knowing he didn’t want it to be over so soon but desperately wanting to feel the warm, tensing tightness around him as he filled me as much as he could.
“I want you, I want you.” I nodded back, too cock-drunk to care. 
“Cum f’me, y/n, cum with me, need— Oh fuckin’ shit.”
He groaned as he felt the clenching of my walls around his hard cock, desperately wanting to take him for all he’s got. Give it to me, give it to me, give it to me is the only phrase that repeated in my head as I felt the twitching and nearing signs.
“Give it to me, please, give it to me.” I pleaded through orgasm.
His body shook with want and he forced his eyes to stay open, needing to watch this unfold before him in a weak attempt to convince himself that it was real. Keenly watching the way my face contorted as I came on him, my eyes barely open enough to see the way his face mirrored mine. He let out small pants and whines, before his hips pushed deeply, his hips stuttering weakly as he filled me with his cum.
I felt the warm liquid between my legs, throwing my head back and sighing as I tried to relax from the high. Beautiful afterglow; beautiful boy. He collapsed forward slightly, holding me in place but using one arm to support us.
“It’s a really nice tour bus. Don’t even need y’own bed, just sleep in mine.” He continued in a whisper, pressing a soft kiss into the sticky flesh of my neck, nuzzling the hair away.
We stood for a moment before he pulled a chair from the side of the dressing table, slowly sitting us on it and keeping the position, his arms wrapped around me tightly like he never planned to let go.
I squirmed at the feeling. “Mhm.. Y’think?” I laughed softly; not taking him close to serious.
His eyes were heavy and he continued to look at us in the mirror, an unreadable expression as he buried his head behind my shoulder, his eyes barely poking above the flesh for him to admire the view. “I’m serious.” He mumbled awkwardly before going to a complete whisper. “Stay?”
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magnoliamyrrh · 2 years
Text
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#i really fucking hate how hard i was dissociating in class#and it happened before too when i wasnt on these meds yet#i wasn't even high.#i rly hate having to acknowledge that im like this. over and over again. that this is a reality#. and i hate having to acknowledge that im disabled in public#like im in pain in public. or occasionally limping. or needing to sit down. or looking half dead. or god worst of all being visibility#mentally ill that one makes me wanna dig myself into the dirt and never come out#i hate that im not all there. that i cant be no matter how hard i try. and then im in the middle of fucking class like#who am i?#im so used to it but its still so much to put up with all the goddd damn time and all the time having to pretend that im ok or sane or#remotely funcitoning and not lowkey having a flashback in the middle of fucking class for unknown reasons. while this brain works overtime#to mask it take it to the inner and shove someone else in the front#......... god this is why ive actually kinda enjoyed my self imposed period of solitude#and even so when my parents are sround i still have to do thst almost 24/7#like i just wanna be insane in peace fjkdd left in my own soup as we say in romanian.... it takes too much effort to mask with strangers#... idk it makes it hard too when i meet people in person sometimes? because the moment the conversation gets past casual its like...#i want to answer your questions. i do not want to lie. but i also dont particularly want to tell the truth... tho i am not fond of telling#half truths either#... this is why over the years ive prefered 2 places to meet people 1)tumblr 2)psych ward lmaoo but fr. its the same vibe#because in a ward people are at their realest. no bullshit. all vulnerability. some of the realest most genuine impactful connections ive#made w ppl have been in wards.... and. tumblr is the one place outside or wards lmao. or my own brain. where im..... where i dont mask#where i dont put an effort to mask#... so when ppl start talking to me on here (even tho im at times bad at replying sorry idk why its so hard for me i need to work on it)#its like. well. you already have likely known for months or years that im fucking insane so 🤷‍♀️#.......... i didnt used to be this anxious. and to be honest im not quite sure i seem anxious either because i have been told too often i#seem confident? charasmatic? self assured? bitch fucking where i feel like slippery cold noodles inside from anxiety#.... its partially that im not used to being around so many ppl anymore. its partially the more severe trust issues ive developed again as#of late... but at the same time probability my general fedupness thsts been brewing for 12 years with a lotta the culture here isnt helping#either... but... I also think ive just.... ive become incredibly incredibly frustrated with my mental and physical illnesses lately.. very#and their(my) limitations which i hate acknowledging. and all this fucking shame i got too over it. when i accepted it myself i did no care
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