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hella1975 · 5 months

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Hella something incredibly traumatic just happened to me. I cannot find the original list thingy i have for chapter 42. (i was like half way through and then stopped i dont remember why) so i have to start over which isnt a bad thing because i get to reread ittt

Your getting 42 and 43 in one thing

“It had been one day and one night since they left the Western Air Temple and Zuko had a headache.” sme one get this poor boy some tylenol

Bros extremely overstimulated

“Nanook expected they’d arrive at the White Lotus camp-” i forgot theyre going to the white lotus camp again and if irohs there still thats going to be really fun. (probably not for zuko though)

I love your sokka so much its insane.

It always takes me so long to read your chapters and write these and stuff not because of the length of your chapters (i love long chapters) but because i always try to process every single little thing because its so good and a lot of the stuff doesnt even make it into the list because i dont know how to put it into words and thats how i feel about the dynamic youve created around zuko and sokka. Like how you took Sokkas canon traits and magnified them to accommodate the traits zuko got threw taob perfectly and theres something so artistic about it and i wish i had the words to better explain how in awe of you i am every time i read a new chapter.

Anywho

“If he spoke them, if he let them out, his friends would snatch these birds from the sky and beat them to death, and they would call it salvation.” oh my fucking god hella what the fuck

Zi Se <3

Oh jeez now he’s hallucinating

I love Zi Se. Having Zuko take care of a small child is such a unique thing to have in a fic and you make it work so well. Every scene between them is immaculate

The way you portray trauma is incredible. The ‘two steps forwards one step back’ ness of it, and the way different peoples traumas rub against eachother and the lashing out and guilt and stuff its really so good.

I think its funny to think about external zuko in taob. Like a wet dog growling at everyone and pushing itself into a corner. A little tragic, a little pathetic. And then in his head he’s having some of the most profound, angsty thoughts. And the transition between those scenes is also entertaining.

I also really like the dynamic Zuko has with the entirety of the gang. Like it’s not just sokka going ‘i can fix him’ and doing it, its a group effort and the different peoples individual traits work well with helping different parts of zuko heal. When he needs sternness and bluntness, theres sokka, when he needs something more gentle, theres tomnook, and when he needs something in between theres katara.

I saw your authors notes that was like ‘i’m writing another zukka fic!’ and i was so confused for a moment and i was like ‘wtf is she talking about’ and then it was like ‘you can read it here!’ and i was like ;holy shit its already posted!? Why didnt she tell tumblr about this and then i was like ‘oh shes talking about tams.’ i forgot it was a zukka fic.

That took me 3 hours.

Anywho

Chapter 43: : )

“Gradually, things got easier and they fell into a routine.” well thats a relief i hope nothing bad will happen ever again : )

“Suki wasn’t far from him, dipping her water flask into the current,” of topic but i dont get how people didnt just drop dead from drinking random ass water like how is suki not going to get dysentary. Sokka needs to invent these people a water filter.

Im carefully treading ocross this chapterbecause of the stuff ive seen from tumblr and discord and while i guess i trust you not to kill tomnook *this chapter* im still very weary and terrified.

Being american means that you might not be able to afford to read taob bc of the inevitable therapy bill

If i get ptsd from this i quit

Anywho

““Zuko, dude, buddy.” Sokka appeared from where he’d been washing his frankly disgusting tunic, now leaving it to drip around his neck, shirtless as he clapped a hand to Zuko’s shoulder. “If a girl calls you roguish, it’s a compliment.”” Bros projecting

“ this seemed to bother Sokka more than anyone. Hot stuff was one of her favourites, which Zuko thought made sense. He was a firebender, after all. It really didn’t warrant the spluttering and indignance Sokka met it with, stomping over to Suki and kicking water at her while she cackled.” Still projecting

If Tomnook becomes canon i will personally see to starting a movement across all social media platforms similar to the november 6th destiel thing

“He was still smiling. Always smiling. Nanook let him go.” THIS IS THE PART THAT DESTROYED ME????????????????????????????????????? IT WAS ABOUT HAIRR????????????????????/ im actually going to kms oh my god im suing

I experienced so much turmoil for it literally to just be tomkin walking away

Im so insulted

Also nanook definitely has a crush on him just in case you didnt know 👍

Now Kataras overstimulated

“Zuko had taken the carrots.” God dammit Zuko

If Sokka or Katara find the carrots that wont be good

I dont trust you anymore

““There’s something you’re not telling me,” she said, staring out at the grass around them, the stars in the inky sky. It was the exact same as when they’d sat together the other day, hand in hand, when she’d first admitted to this anger.

Zuko was tense beside her, before sighing in defeat. “This is about the carrots, isn’t it?” This is so funny for no reason

““I could probably help you find those men, if you wanted,”” you fucking idiot i cant believe him

“He liked liked Zuko, with his stupid, roguish hair and his muscles and his gentle way of handling Zi Se and his stupid sense of humour and his sheer, stubborn will to keep going. How could Sokka ever talk to Bato again? This was the worst thing to happen ever,” ITS HAPPENING

I NEED THAT ONE GIF FROM THE OFFICE JFC

OH MY GOD

I CANT BREATH

The fact that he immediately thought of bato is so iconic i love that for him

The whiplash sokka must feel from coming to terms with his feelings for zuko and that he’s able to grieve his mom and then katara coming out like ‘yeah im going to murder him’ must be insane its like that cat in the hat meme where hes going to hit the dude with the bat

I dont think that conversation went like suki planned for it to

Zukkkaaa fight

THEYRE HUGGIN THIS IS NOTA DRILL OGM

“Katara wouldn’t kill those men.” oh thank fuck

“. local boy discovers the uno reverse card immediately makes it everyone else's problem.” Lmfao 😂 💀

You have never written a bad anything hella lm tell you. 2 10/10 chapters good job, that was fabulous, i love it.

Im in a class this semester that deals with analyzing literature and reading a lot of like ‘classic’ books. And the entire time im reading these books some that are considered to be from some of the best authors of all time is that im comparing them to the things youve written and when ive said that your such a talented writer before, i dont know how much ground ive had to stand on but now that i have like a (very small) reference point for that stuff, holy shit you are such a talented writer.

Like i know its not your major and that youve never studied it and stuff and the fact that you can produce all of that based on pure talent is honestly incredible. Im constantly in awe every time i read anything of yours its insane. I really do hope your as proud as you can be of yourself, you deserve it.

~list anon~

list anon i get such a little smile on my face when i see ur asks come in like i get comfy and make sure i have time to go through the whole thing in one go and it just warms my heart that someone so consistently makes time for me and my silly stories. thank you x

#you shitting it about tom nook DID make me chuckle tho. sorry babe <3 #i especially appreciated the compliment about zi se. he's my little baby!#'some of the best authors of all time is that im comparing them to the things youve written' KISSING YOU? INSANE THING TO SAY?#ask #taob asks #list anon

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gnarf · 3 years

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Gnarf’s 2020

and what a fucking year that was... Anyways, let’s talk about the good things, shall we?

I made it through 2020 alive and without going insane! Yay! So lets see what else I did. (This is a long post)

In the beginning of 2020 I said I won’t participate in many fests. Only three or something like that. Lets check how that went!

Fests Gnarf participated in: 9

@lockdownfest @lcdrarry @hd-wireless @hpfluff-fest @hd-hurtfest @hd-fan-fair @hd-erised @gameofdrarry in drarropoly @wireless-festive-minifest

Haha yup, three. Sounds legit. I also wandered off to try if I can art! No worries, I gave that up :D Mad respect to all Artists, arting is exhausting and the progress is too slow for me.

If you really want to check out my attempts, here’s what made its way onto AO3:

Dont Blink! for LCDrarry, it includes the Angels from Doctor Who and was a pain in the arse.

If you knew... was made for H/D Wireless and has the armiest arm i ever saw, very proud of that one. Its also the last thing I made.

Home Sweet Home was also made for H/D Wireless, and the first bigger art piece I tried my hand on.

A muffled groan which is rather explicit and I entirely forgot about making it :D it has a ficlet going with it too.

(I think theres other Art stuff here with the tag #gnarf draws or something)

I reached my yearly goal of writing 100k words once again!

Fics and Ficlets I wrote this year: 20(ish)

Better Side of the Bed (Lock Down Fest, T, 2k)

It was all Malfoy's fault. Harry could be at the Burrow right now, but instead he was trapped in Malfoy's tiny flat. All because that dick couldn't stop bothering him about a stupid life debt he didn't even care about.

Doing What's Best (G, ~800 words)

Lucius looked down at the little bundle currently sleeping in Narcissa's arms and felt terror shoot through his body. A little boy, his hair so white it was nearly invisible. Born only a few hours ago, taking his first breath in the light of the rising sun. Narcissa had whispered a welcome, her eyes wet, her smile bigger than ever. But they both knew, even though temporarily safe, he really wasn't. Draco was born into a world ruled by war. If only it'd end soon.

I better be hallucinating this (T, 3.8k)

After the war Draco Malfoy is sentenced to Azkaban for a really long sentence. Apparently aiding in Dumbledore's death overrules any argument Harry could put up for him. After the trial, as the days pass by, Harry is more and more outraged at the sentence. He can't stop obsessing over the fact that Draco Malfoy saved his life and aided him during the war and is very much capable of redemption. Not to mention that Malfoy has always been a delicate git and would never survive Azkaban. After a few weeks obsessing Harry decides that Malfoy indeed can't remain unjustly in Azkaban and starts to plot a way to break him out of jail and hide him in Grimmauld Place. When Hermione finds out she's not amused. Ron is horrified. Draco still thinks he's hallucinating.

Keep Holding On (Wireless, M. 33.333) A collab with @maesterchill who surprised me with lovely art for it!

After the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry and Draco both fall into their own battles with their mental states. Draco is sent to Azkaban, and Harry turns to drinking, hoping to forget. Months later, Harry visits St Mungo’s new ward on the request of a friend, only to find Draco in a deep vegetative state. Not willing to give him up, Harry stays by his side, while simultaneously dealing with the Ministry's newest grand idea to make everything worse. Making new allies, and losing old ones along the way, will hopefully be worth it in the end.

Age is just a number (Fluff Fest, T, 1.5k)

Married for decades, their life is perfect. Until Harry gets a call and hears the following words: "Mr Potter, we caught your husband stealing ten large packs of King Sized condoms."

There was still hope (Hurt Fest, M, 3.1k)

Draco winced as pain shot through his leg with every step. This secret, back-alley laboratory had been his last chance, last hope, to find the potion. But nobody had it in stock, and there was no time left to brew it himself. Panic was slowly overtaking his entire mind as he crept out of the store and back to the nearest alley to Apparate back home. He already felt off, and it was still early in the day. Of course this thestral-shit had to happen to him, of all people. As if life wasn't bad enough for him already.

Desire (E, 1.7k)

"Auror Potter, what a pleasant surprise to meet you here. What can I do for you?" "Stop the show, Malfoy. There's no one around, and I'm not here as an Auror." Draco watched Potter move closer until they were nearly nose to nose, only the small counter of his shop kept Potter at distance. Potter's eyes were dark with something Draco couldn't exactly name, his face was flushed and the air surrounding him felt somehow static. Draco felt the urge to lean further over his counter, to drink in his sight, to touch the man on the other side—but he didn't.

Drarropoly 2020 currently holds 7 ficlets and is in a Series. The highest rating is Mature and its 3.2k in total at this point.

Let's not wait for France (Fan Fair, T, 17.7k)

All Harry had wanted from his Eighth year at Hogwarts was a little peace and a little privacy but, from the moment that he stepped onto Platform 9 3/4, it was obvious that nothing was ever going to be that easy. An accidental bond with Malfoy that resulted in them having to stay together at all times was the final straw. Things couldn't be worse. So much to a quiet year in Hogwarts.

Love letters for the oblivious (Mini Wireless, T, 716 words)

Draco had gotten the strangest letters all week long, which wasn't what anyone needed at Christmas. Especially not him. Either someone was taking the piss, or he had a very dumb and inefficient secret admirer. And Draco didn't know which would be worse.

Double-Booked (Mini Wireless, T, 2.1k)

Finally, peace and quiet, and— "Malfoy?!?" Or the one where Harry thought he could enjoy a quiet Christmas far from everyone, just to find out that the cabin he had booked already accommodated another guest.

The best Christmas he ever had (Mini WirelessT, 1.9k)

Christmas had never been less appealing to him than this year. That was until Arthur Weasley showed up at his door, dressed as Santa, inviting him to the Burrow.

Anon Fests to be added

Whoever made it to this point: yoooo! Friend! Lots of love to you! I also got tagged in many get to know me posts, plenty of love in my Inbox giving me love slaps left and right (honestly, im bruised, stop slapping me), amazing person awards, top 5 fics, and whatever you can think of.

To make up for not answering most of them because I’m a horrible person:

My favourite colour: purple My age: I’ll be 30 next year in April, I expect gifts, I don’t accept first borns My favourite trope: eight year My favourite animal: cat My favourite ice cream: Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough Here’s my writing Playlist, it’s the worst you’ll ever see, and yes, I use YouTube, I’m old.

Other things that happened in 2020 that made me happy:

I kicked out my mentally/emotionally abusive partner of 7 years in January

I kept my grandma alive through this *waves hand at world*

I was able to share my birthday cake with my family becaus I got to leave my first quarantine a few days before my birthday

I got to keep my job

I found a lot of lovely friends in this fandom, and got to keep them through this year

My cats are their usual little jerks and actually enjoyed me being at home due to the raging pandemic

I finally cut off my hair

I’m about to hit 3.5k followers here and I love you all

I’m also tagging everyone who sees this and wants to do something similiar! Show us what you did in 2020, the things you’re proud of, and the things you loved! Let’s spread some happy for the end of the year 💜🥰

#gnarf writes #gnarf draws #gnarf rambles #personal #gnarf's 2020

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valkavavaart · 4 years

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no one asked but i wanted to do all of this in one sitting lets go.. this is long im sorry

1. favourite character

jyushi, kuukou, ramuda.. i will not pick between them

2. least favourite character

jyuto.. also saburo but he’s growing on me

3. favourite division

nagoya, baby!

4. favourite buster bros member

legally adopting jiro.. thats my boy i love him

5. favourite mtc member

rioooOoOOoOOoOoOoOOo i dont care the other two but like id give my life for riooOoOOOo

6. favourite matenrou member

doppPOOoOOOoOOOoo but also dr jakurai jinguji if ur out there...

7. favourite fling posse member

r a m u d and a.. whos that

8. favourite character song

UMMM drops and moonlight shadow both slap...?

9. favourite rap battle

its gotta beeeeee battle battle battle? i dont rlly listen to them much i just think abt the art where ramuda and jakurai are like face to face except we KNOW ramuda is barely like 5′0″ and jakurai is a big tall 6′4″ish man so how are they this close is ramuda sitting on his knee?? is jakurai kneeling?? is ramuda on a box

10. favourite tdd member

again.. ramuda lmao.. like esp tdd ramuda his outfit is so cute hes just so tiny..

11. your otp

UMMMM i like getting into a lot of ships?? id say my favs are probably like.. gendice or riodice maybe?? and ichikuu.. rn im like rlly into hitoya/jakurai too i want those old men to hold hands (i wanna draw them but idk any good poses for old dudes who r also boyfriends)

12. your notp

anything involving saburo uMmMMmm.. im not rlly a fan of samatoki/ichiro & tdd era samatoki/ichiro ESPECIALLY rubs e the wrong way.. i also dont rlly like jyushi/hitoya or kuukou/hitoya they just rlly rub me the wrong way

13. how did you get hooked on hypmic

ok so on twitter all my friends and the artists i follow got rlly into fire emblem three houses and i didnt own a switch at the time but i was like "cool i'll like find a bunch of artists that draw this and i'll UHHH maybe get hyped for it idk" and one of the artists was riryou_ on twitter who was posting like mochi blyeth and i was like omg so cute... and they spoke abt like hypmic a bunch too and i was like "oh i vaguely know what hypmic is (based off of all the samatoki memes and sasara fanart i’d see), maybe i should get into it??" then they like posted jyushi and i was like "oh he looks so dumb i need to know more" and i HEARD jyushi and i was like "actually he's adorable and i love him!!" bc i have a soft spot for like.. crybaby chuunis, and then downloaded the game and was like "wtf!!! where is jyushi" and thats why im here..

14. a character you identify with

im not assigning myself a hypmic kin!!!!!!!!

but i’ll pick doppo bc 1. never trust a doppo kinnie and 2. i too need a therapist

15. favourite character design

KUUKOU was designed specifally to cater to me here is exactly why

-SHORT KING. (HES THE SECOND SHORTEST BOY?? WHAT THE FUCK??? HE’S TALLER THAN RAMUDA SO GOOD FOR HIM.. BUT YOU’RE TELLING ME SABURO THE FUCKING 14 YEAR OLD IS TALLER THAN MY BOY KUU!??!?!?!? SHORT KING!)

-his hair. i cant draw it but i like it

-hes like >:3 all the time

-he has?? fucking fangs

-cat boy energy

-the like contrast of him being a monk and then him also just being a little bastard.. love that

-i like his jacket

-his dumb fucking boots..

-he comfy

-radiates chaotic energy

-one of his eyes is usually like slightly squinted?? i dont know why he does that but i like it

-he wont hesitate.. bitch

-i forgot this was supposed to be like based on his design and went on a long ass ramble abt his personality but like sshhh you wont see that.. delete

-piercings... the big one looks like a stretcher? i like that

-his speakers that look like the dragon w the bell are cool

-again short king rowdy boy

-he has long eyelashes and wears eye makeup.. thats cute..

- >:3

16. a character you'd cosplay

again kuukou looks comfy but thats a lot of layers.. itd be rlly warm right..

id say maybe jiro! ichiro would be my next choice idk i like their jackets

17. a character you thought you'd like + 18. a character you thought you'd dislike

ok so i just put these together bc like actually.. before i got into hypmic when all i rlly knew was vague fanart of the characters and that jyushi is my man i did a tier list to like get my opinions on them down.. and sometimes i look back to it and im like.. AHAH...

as u can see i was on board for jyushi as soon as i got here... but i thought sasara and kuukou were rlly neat and like i figured i'd like ichiro bc mmm... but honestly im not that big on ichi SFGKHDLF...

meanwhile in the bottom tier... jakurai, jiro, dice, rosho, ramuda, hifumi... the irony that i actually rlly like all of them... rosho took a while to grow on me but he's really good.. meanwhile hifumi probably still isnt a character im like SUPER into but i do like him..

heres my current tier list tho LMAO

19. buster bros or mtc?

hnn.. its gonna have to be buster bros...

i like jiro and rio a lot and dont rlly care for the other 4 but like.. i think i like bb and their dynamic and find them more sympathetic than mtc lmaoo... like ichiro went through a lot for his bros..

samatoki also went through a lot for nemu but hes stinky as hell and i think he's stupid. but i will not write an essay on that.

20. fling posse or matenrou

fling posse BABYYYYYY i love those funky little lads.. i like matenrou a lot too but like fp just appeal to me a lot more and i rlly love their dynamic.. i could talk for days abt fp...

21. mtc or matenrou

matenrOUuUuuUUuUUuu again i do not care mtc aside from rio.. i dont rlly have strong thoughts on matenrou lol i like their friendship tho :)

22. favourite hypmic seiyuu

saito soma or takaya kuroda.. saito soma bc i generally love his voice and also he voices other favs of mine (yamaguchi hq, 2wink from enstars..) and takuya kuroda bc im literally a simp for kazuma kiryu from the yakuza series,

also ive been insulting samatoki so far but i actually like his va like the man has the range?? between voicing samatoki hypmic and leo enstars?? HELLO????

23. a song you didn't like

basically anything by mad trigger crew SBJFGKJHLDSF the only song i actively remember by them is whats my name.. i only play it for rio..

UMMM otherwise i guess like??? new star.. sucks bc i actually rlly like saburo's va but i feel like he doesnt rlly get the best parts/songs...? that being said i like songs w him in it so

24. a hypmic headcanon

ummmmmmm i cant think of anything lol snnzzz.. i saw the hc that ramuda was the one that like dyed jakurais hair and it was so cute..

25. favourite solo song

wasnt this already a question or can i not read.. whatever my brain is like gya gya gyaran gya gya gyaran bam gya gya gyaran bam gya gya gya gya gyaran bam

6. favourite mc name

they all fucking suck LOL

evil monk is very literal and i like that. i also like that 14th moon ties into jyushi's name and everything..

UHHH i guess doppo cause its literally just his name LMAOO and i think doppos a cute name

7. the most attractive character

i know i said that kuukou is designed to appeal specific to me but gentarou? pretty boy. love to see it thank you saito soma. also tdd era jakurai.. maybe its just cause i like the manga art a lot but... dr jakurai jinguji if ur out there

28. a kink

PARDON.

29. favourite life quote & 30. favourite rebuttal or punchline

i dont wanna give a serious answer to either of those so on a completely unrelated note, i think abt this a lot

#vivi yells

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youtuberswithalex · 4 years

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hold on i found all of my old Christian music and im emotional, the nostalgia, so im just gonna do a react post--

first song was Hope is Coming by Nate Deezy and oh boy. oh boy. i met the dude and knowing how he talks and listening to his music. oh boy, he was kind of mimicking AAVE and it’s. not great to listen to now. the song is a bop music wise but. yikes

Overcomer by Mandisa. I used to BOP to this song and you know what? I still do. I saw her in concert and she was AMAZING

The The Earth Is Yours came on, which already was one of my favorites, and it was the cover by Gungor (or their original? I can’t remember) and I almost started crying because. Gungor’s music always made me feel really close to God, like He was my best friend. and now I kind of feel like I’ve lost a friend in stopping being Christian, and though I know I can still pray and stuff while still not being Like That, it just... hurts too much because it was so weaponized against me. I miss relying on Him for everything though.

Pause to get lunch

Good Morning by Mandisa and TobyMac. Hearing “top of the morning to ya” set off a visceral reaction to high five the air. also hearing them interact at the end is adorable

COME ALIVE BY CROWDER OHHH IT’S A BOP!!!

YOUR LOVE!!!

IS A LEMONADE

call me out by gungor?!?! how could i have forgotten this one!!!!! OH MY GOD AND I JUST REALIZED??? HOW RELEVANT THIS IS????? IF YOU TAKE OUT THE CHRISTIAN STUFF THIS IS STILL HOW I FEEL?????? CALL ME OUT WHEN I DO THINGS WRONG PLEASE

could i......... do a sanders sides animatic to this

WHITE MAN BY THE MICHAEL GUNGOR BAND. THE SAME BAND BUT A DIFFERENT NAME. THIS SONG NEEDS TO BE PLAYED TO EVERY CHRISTIAN WHITE SUPREMECIST. GOD IS NOT A MAN. GOD IS NOT A WHITE MAN. GOD IS NOT A WHITE MAN SITTING ON A CLOUD. GOD IS LOVE AND HE LOVES EVERYONE.

i just copied and pasted a link to the song on facebook jfkdlsjf pray for me (no pun intented)

Beautiful Day by Jamie Grace... I’m pretty sure I first heard this song on Veggietales? or maybe i freaked out when I saw it on Veggietales bc I already loved this song lmao. But it is still... you guessed it... a bop

i also just realized how much more diverse my music was back then versus now... out of the four artists I’ve listened to, half (if not 3 of them? i don’t remember what Gungor looks like) are POC. bruh current alex, I know all you listen to now is the RWBY soundtrack, but like. Diversify my dude

OHH HEAVEN BY GUNGOR??? THE CHILLEST CHRISTIAN SONG I ADORED

YOU ARE!!!!!!!!! CROWDER AGAIN

oh my god. oh my god jesus freak by newsboys. this song is fucking WILD to see in concert. the drummer goes up on a platform that goes sideways and starts SPINNING. while he’s going H A R D. also this song totally matches up with what i listen to now, style wise??

oh my god im getting dizzy from jamming to this one

R E S T A R T WE’RE GETTING ALL THE NEWSBOYS JAMS SUDDENLY

if anyone’s wondering what im doing as i listen to these, i’m currently checking out these artists’ twitters to see if they’re like... White Supremacist christians. Michael Gungor has made me happiest by blatantly retweeting and talking about the BLM protests, along with a tweet stating firmly that he accepts LGBTQ+ people. I knew I could trust this guy. I followed him. Crowder didn’t have anything blatantly for or against but he did make one post about not hating people using that one Dr Suess book, so like. he can slide for now but im not following him

DO LIFE BIIIIG!!!! JAMIE GRACE!!!!! THIS WAS THE ONE ON VEGGIETALES... WAS IT??? IT WAS AT THE END OF THE STAR TREK KNOCK OFF, I THINK???

OH BABY, FISHERS OF MEN BY NEWSBOYS

GO-O-O-O, GO-O-O-O-O

please be my strength by Gugnor? I don’t remember thohhhhh my heart i remember now

i used to harmonize to this all the time. it was one of the first ones i did that with :(

Steal My Show!! it’s pretty alright still. TobyMac didn’t really Get Me Worshipping like he did with a lot of other people, but I respect him at least-- wait let me check his twitter

alright i can respect him, he’s alright

Ah. Oceans by Hillsong United, AKA the song that every church-goer in 2015 hated because everyone played it every week. good reason to-- it’s really good still. are people still sick of it?? I remember holding my hands up to this a few times. and harmonizing many more

.......but oh man is it long. i do remember that now. eight minutes.......... why....... i definitely cried my eyes out and calmed down at conference one time during the length of this song

just realized that Jesus is a Friend of Mine isn’t on this playlist. Wow, Alex. Wow. What a waste of a Christian playlist.

THAT’S HOW YOU CHANGE THE WORLD

it’s so unfair that so many Christian artist put out That Kind of christian music, while Newsboys just. stole all of the talent. like come on guys spread it a bit. not EVERY song has to be a bop, you know /j

Speak Life by tobyMac. i... think im gonna skip this one jfkdlsj im just so not in the mood for this. He is definitely that That Kind of Christian Music style

LORD YOU ARE GOOD AND YOUR MERCY ENDURES FOREVERRR OH HOW WE JAMMED TO THIS AT CONFERENCEoh god it’s a live version and you can hear the Presbyterian Clap in the crowd

OH MY GOD MUSCLE MEMORY JUST BROUGHT BACK THE DANCE THAT WE HAD AT CONFERENCE OH MY GOD I COMPLETELY FOR GOT ABOUT THIS

i wish it brought back more than just the bridge before the chorus lmfao

alright skipping the rest of this because oh boy is it repetitive

STRONGER BY MANDISAAAA i forgot about this one omg. i loved this one, it used to be my Uplifting Song

Got another tobyMac and just skipped it jfkdsl

OH GOD’S NOT DEAD BY NEWSBOYS the movie was a lot of christians-are-oppressed propaganda but the song is pretty good still, i catch myself singing it sometimes still tbh

TRADING MY SORROWS?!?!?!?!? TRADING MY SHAME???!!!!! LAYING THEM DOWN FOR THE JOY OF THE LORD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? A BOOOOP

this was another one we had a dance for!!!! i remember this one more bc it was so much easier lmfao

HAPPY DAY!!!!!! THIS WAS MY FAVORITE ONE TO SING AT THE BIG MORNING AND EVENING MEETINGS AT CONFERENCE!!!!!! but this version is so slooooow but i couldn’t find any other version

....You Have Me. The song I always said that, when I die and go to Heaven, I’m going to find God and dance with Them to this song. Maybe, if They’re up there, we still will. This song gave me so much comfort in a time when I felt so alone.

I hope They aren’t mad at me for abandoning them. I hope They understand why I stopped going to church and listening to my parents about Them. That I remember who They truly are supposed to be, and that it’s not Them I left, but the church, and I struggled to disconnect the two. If They’re real... I hope they know that. And I hope They aren’t upset with me. I hope They know I’m sorry.

Fuck. I’m crying.

They DO still me. They DO still have my heart. But it’s the people that pretend to know Them that ruined me. I need to find a way to sever the connection. I want my best friend back. I miss Them. I miss being able to talk to Them about things and trust that They’ll take care of things and take care of *me* because They love me, no matter what my parents say, and They know who I am and They don’t love me despite that, but because of it.

THAT’S what I was taught. THAT’S the God I worshipped. Not the fake one the White Supremacists have taken hold of and ruined. The God that gave up Their only son to prove to us that They love us.

I don’t understand a lot about religion anymore. But I miss Them. I miss that comfort and love.

Fuck. Maybe that’s a good place to end this. If you made it this far, congrats! Thanks for coming on this journey with me. It was a long one. You’ve seen a piece of my heart that I’ll probably stamp back into the closet within a couple of hours lol

#long post #alex communicates #religion tw #abuse mention #caps #there's a lot of caps here jfdklsj

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jimio-nnie · 5 years

Text

Hush, baby. [Taehyung x reader]

Word Count: 2.8k+ Rating: NSFW Genre: Smut Warnings: Vaginal Fingering, Dirty Talk, Exhibitionism, Basically a naughty backseat fuck. Pairings: Kim Taehyung x Reader Summary: You’re a new staff at BigHit entertainment and it will be your first time in participating in their photoshoot as a makeup artist. What happened if you got left behind by your seniors and unknowingly ended up sitting in the same van as BTS; more specifically on your celebrity-crush’s laps? It wouldn’t take long until the friction against his crotch peaked your arousal.

You’re helping the other staffs pile in their camera equipment into the back of the staff’s van since you’ve already stuffed your bag pack in the boot earlier before.As a new makeup artist trainee, it was only basic courtesy for you to help out your seniors.

The staff along with BTS members are going to attend another night photo shoot for their new upcoming album and your heart is leaping with joy and excitement from the thought of working together for the first time with the boys.

“Ah, I forgot another bag I’m supposed to bring…”

you heard your senior murmured to another staff whilst wiping away the droplets of sweat off his forehead with a sigh. You smiled softly and patted his shoulder gently, knowing he’s tired from carrying the heavy photographing equipment.

“Its alright, oppa. Ill take it for you in a sec!”

you beamed, flashing him a smile that made some of the other staff laugh along at your senior’s flabbergasted face when he tried to stop you but you’re already skipping your way inside the building.

“Aish.. y/n, that girl is such a help.” he huffed and proceeded on loading in other stuffs into the boot. Meanwhile, you were totally clueless when you’ve reached the staff’s room.

Smacking your forehead at your own carelessness to not ask your seniors regarding the details of the bag you’re supposed to retrieve, you looked around the room absent-mindedly. It has been fifteen minutes and you could almost hear your heart pounding in your chest as you panicked, besides you didn’t want to slow down everybody and delay the photo shoot.

Just as you’re digging into your pocket for your phone, you heard the doorknob buckled, signing that someone’s about to enter. With a grin on your face, you ran infront of the door, expecting to be greeted by your senior who would tell you off for being slow-- but you know he had a soft spot for your every single time you flash him a smile.

He’d often say that you reminded him of his little sister and a head pat would always follow afterwards, making you hum, pleased of the feeling of acceptance.

To your surprise, the person who peeked into the room was not your senior but one of BTS member. And at that case, it was Taehyung, someone you had a huge crush on--- which actually brought you down to your knees when you first received a letter that your job application has been accepted by BigHit.

Your mouth gaped open when you saw him because you didn’t expect that would would even meet any of BTS member upfront this close so early.

“Ah I thought Jimin was hiding in here somewhere. We couldn’t find him and we are already about to take our leave.” he explained before taking a step back and opening the door further to take a better look towards you.

With your mind still blank, you shook your head frantically, signing that Jimin wasn’t indeed in the particular room you’re in.

“Are you a new staff? I’ve never seen you before,” he took a step closer, his taller figure looming over yours. You only managed to nod several times, hands clutching against your chest as if to prevent a cardiac arrest to occur. You could’ve sworn that he can hear your heart violently pounding against your ribcage.

With a low chuckle, he lowered his body so that he could look into your eyes and you felt his index finger gently pushing your chin upwards so that your gaping mouth is closed.

“There, I’m afraid you’d catch flies with that pretty mouth,” He almost whispered and you swooned at the close proximity between the both of you. You weren’t sure whether it was just your imagination and admiration for him exaggerating the whole situation but you could almost feel his warmth breath against your lips.

“T-t-thank you, sir” you stammered, not certain of what you should call him by. Standing tall again, he winked down towards you before replying.

“It’s alright, you can just call me V. And what’s your name?”

Oh. My. God.

Hearing his rich, deep chuckle was already enough to send your knees buckling to the floor and you wouldn’t even want to know what would happen if your name slip across his lips.

“Hyuuunnggggg come on! We’re latee!” Jimin’s whine resounded from afar and before you could even tell him your name, Taehyung was dragged away by Jimin and you were sure your heart dropped to the floor.

It was when your phone vibrated that you realized what you came into the staff room for. You took out your phone and panicked when it was your senior who called, immediately picking up and bracing yourself for the scolding.

“Oppa im--” before you could even apologize, he interjected right afterwards.

“y/n? We already made our way to the shooting site. And I forgot that I already took that bag so I’m reaallyy sorry. I promise I’d treat you to a dinner today!” He explained himself in one breath and a sense of relief filled you after knowing he wasn’t mad at you. But your eyebrows furrowed a few seconds afterwards after digesting his sentence.

“W-what? You’re already on your way there? What about me?” You paced back and forth across the room, not knowing what to do. You couldn’t even take a cab there as your purse was also in the staff’s van.

“It’s alright! We went first without you because the van was packed and there’s no more seat and we also had to set up the place earlier. It’s alright though, ive informed the manager and he said there might be an available seat in the boys’ van.”

Your mouth was left hanging open at the thought of taking the same vehicle as the BTS members and you couldn’t even focus at what your senior was talking about afterwards.

You were sure your heart just burst.

Making your way out of the building and not wasting any more time, you easily recognize the black van you would be boarding with them.

“Get in,” you heard the BTS manager’s voice as the boys slowly get into the van. As you approached him, he glanced over his shoulder towards you before flashing you a smile.

“I’ve been informed that you’d be joining us today! Please get in too” he put his hand gently on your back, urging your freezing form to enter the van as you’re visibly panicking by the thought of seeing Taehyung again.

“Um.. where am I sitting though--” you mumbled as you scanned the packed van, your body was already halfway in. The manager peeked into the van and scratched his neck nervously, obviously not expecting this situation. He was sure that there would be at least one available space and soon realized that he had miscalculated.

He didn’t count himself in earlier.

You still could not believe the situation you’re in, awkwardly sitting on someone’s lap in the very back of the van with equipment and clothes at your side. Going completely stone-like on Taehyung’s lap, you looked over the front row where Hoseok and Jimin were laughing at something Jin had said.

In front of you, Yoongi had earbuds stuffing his ears and Namjoon was silently talking to Jungkook, probably regarding their upcoming photo shoot. To your realization, everyone was holding something over their laps in the packed vehicle and your face reddened once again at the thought of who you’re sitting on.

“Are you alright back there? This is what happens when our manager rent a van for a last minute schedule.” Jin joked which sent the whole van laughing and you could feel Taehyung’s chest vibrating with a chuckle right behind you.

After a few minutes, you could feel hands on your shoulders, pulling you backwards towards Taehyung’s sturdy chest.

“I noticed that you’ve been sitting up straight for quite a long time and it must have hurt your back.” He murmured and you looked over your shoulder towards him to see him smiling warmly.

“S-sorry I must be heavy and this whole situation must have made you uncomfortable--” you rambled but was cut off by him halfway through.

“Hey, hey, its alright. You’re not heavy and all and besides, you’re working hard with the other staffs for us. This is the least I could do.” He hummed and you almost choked at how genuine and considerate he sounded.

You mumbled out a thanks and he only nodded, throwing his gaze out of the window afterwards so you wouldn’t feel too awkward as you leaned back towards him.

“Hang on,”

the driver warned and before you could even braced yourself for what’s coming next, the van hit a bump on the road, sending your head bumping onto the ceiling. Your bottom that was partially lifted from Taehyung’s lap landed back down right across his crotch.

The murmurs of amusement for those who were obviously enjoying the ride so far silenced Taehyung’s gasp from behind you as you’re also busy whining to yourself and rubbing over the sore spot on your head which hit the ceiling.

He shifted a little, looking over towards you discreetly under his long lashes and sighed quietly when he realized that you didn’t notice.

Relaxing back your tensed body, you leaned back against him, repositioning yourself comfortably. What you didn’t realized was that the friction you’ve put against his crotch was sending his blood rushing over that area and he couldn’t act fast enough to muffle his groan.

Thinking that he must have been bothered from the bumpy ride earlier, you apologized to him, trying to twist your body backwards to look at him which sent his head stretching backwards and leaning onto the seat from the pleasure, his throat exposed. The pressure was already too much and your twisting and turning added more to the growing arousal washing over him.

“I-its alright. W..What’s your name again?”

He lifted his head to look at you and acted normal, trying to distract himself by making a conversation.

“My name is y/n. Its honestly an honor to meet you.”

You answered, not missing the piercing look in his eyes as he kept his gaze on you.

“I see, y/n..” He repeated, testing your name on his lips and he couldn’t help that his voice dropped a few octaves lower which abruptly sent your pussy clenching. His deep voice was so close to you, right behind your right ear and he didn’t miss the shudder that ran up your spine.

Each bump and turns made him squirm more and he tried to focus on something else to avoid thinking about the growing boner in his pants. With every few seconds, he’d look at you nervously to see if you’d noticed and he was sure that by this time it was hard not to.

What he didn’t know was that with each bump, you could feel his hardness rubbed against your core, and even though you tried to control yourself, it was getting you wet.

You considered adjusting where you was sitting, but was worried it would embarrass him if you let on that you could feel his erection. So instead, you tried to control your bouncing by pressing your hands down on the seatback in front of you.

“There’s a big bump coming upfront.”

the driver warned again, and by reflex, you placed your hands on the ceiling to avoid yourself from lifting up and bumping your head again. As your pushed onto the ceiling, you were unconsciously placing your weight to sink more into Taehyung’s lap.

With your eyes still focusing forward, you could hear his sharp intake of breath and you didn’t expect the words that followed next.

“Fuck, y/n…” he breathed out almost silently and you were sure he thought you couldn’t hear him.

“J-jimin, how much longer until we arrive there?” His voice resounded past your right ear and you tightened your thighs.

“About an hour I guess” he answered and Taehyung tensed up behind your, his erection prodding against your wetness and you whimpered softly. Namjoon glanced back towards you and murmured, “Just hang in there alright?”

You returned his kind gaze with a small smile and nodded. “Im alright,” you answered and just when he turned his head the other way, Taehyung’s hands slithered over your thighs, resting there in the most sensual way you could’ve ever imagined.

‘Ah fuck it’ Taehyung thought to himself, perfectly aware that you must have felt his erection from underneath you already.

“Lean on me.” He breathed on your neck and you quivered on his lap at how it sounded like a command and you quickly obeyed, clamping down on your lips in fear you’d let out a whimper from the friction against your wetness.

He left slow open-mouthed kisses alongside your neck and you were so glad that it was too dark outside for any of the members inside the van to notice. You unconsciously grinded down against him as he gently sucked and nibbled at the skin in between your shoulder and neck, careful not to leave a mark.

“Ah-- mmm stop…” you raised a hand to hold his face still and he roughly grabbed onto the bare flesh of your thigh, your knee-length skirt already hitched up.

“Stop what?” he whispered into your ear, teasingly blowing hot air into it and leaving a wet strip of saliva along your earshell. His deep voice almost caused you to let out a moan and god, you’ve never wanted someone so badly before.

“Hey, you guys alright back there?” the manager asked and Taehyung was quick to detach his lips off your skin before replying.

“Yeah we’re good. Aren’t we, y/n?” You could feel the smirk in his sentence as he slipped his left hand underneath your skirt, running his index finger tenderly along your clothed wet slit.

With both of your hands desperately clenching the cloth of our skirt into a bunch in order to hold back a moan, you raised your head and realized that everyone was looking your way when you didn’t provide them with an answer.

“Im o-- ah! Okay.. Im alright-” You yelped in between your sentence as Taehyung lazily rubbed a circle against your clit, taking advantage of you in this moment and teasing you.

That asshole knew what he’s doing.

“Are you sure?” Jimin, being the kind person he is, was concerned when you let out a soft yelp. Slightly shifting your position as a sign for Taehyung to stop his assault on you, you nodded.

“It was just, my head suddenly hurts from bumping onto the ceiling earlier, thats--” You couldn’t finish your sentence as the ruthless man behind you slipped his hand into your underwear and pinched your clit in between his fingers.

You jolted at his boldness and were relieved that no one realized that you didn’t even get to complete your sentence earlier.

“Hold your voice, babygirl. If you don’t want to get us in trouble of course..” He growled into your ear as his fingers teased your wetness. Without a warning, he dipped two of his fingers into your entrance before quickly pulling it out and you almost swore at how much of a tease he’s being.

Smearing the wetness enclosing his fingers on the skin of your thigh, he leaned forward and rested his chin on your shoulder to look down to your laps.

Separating his index and middle fingers, he whispered lowly into your right ear which sent you gushing for him.

“See how wet you are? So tight and ready for me..” His voice resounded from his chest as a low grumble, dripping with arousal and lust.

“Take off your underwear if you wanted this.”

#taehyung #bts v #bts jimin #v x reader #taehyung x reader #bts smut #bts x reader smut #bts suga #bts jungkook #bts namjoon #smut #bangtan fanfic #bangtan smut

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kinktae · 4 years

Note

Ok i just read waterloo (ive been putting it off cuz im not about to be Emotional™️ on main) and i was totally fine up until they talked about the title of the exhibit and i just about cried like a baby so ya thanks for that (btw of course this story was amazing and i loved it and im gonna listen to waterloo on repeat now)

Anonymous said: Waterloo was exactly what I needed today 🥺 Thank you so much for the wonderful writing. It makes my heart squeeze and have that tingly feeling and jus GAHHH!! I love it so much 😭💕 Thank you for writing this beautiful piece 🧡

giyuuuz said: Your writing is beautiful! I’ve been following for a while and just recently read Waterloo! Idk how to say it but I like how you make taehyung out as a character ( I hope that makes sense aha) but I look forward to your future work! Thank you for being amazing ! 🥺💓

genevievie said: oh my god. i read waterloo ages ago and i forgot what it was called recently and i was so scared i couldnt find it again!!! i was that desperate to read it again. it was so beautiful and i love it sm, i’m so excited to read your other work, tysm for writing them

Anonymous said: can i just tell you how in love i am with waterloo? the playlist, the writing, y/n’s personality, all of it!!!!!! it’s so well put together and makes me wanna fall in love it’s seriously incredible — one of my favorites!!!

thefouranemoi said: Just read Waterloo and I loved it! Any version of kim taehyung i love, but artist!au tae just suits him sooooooo well. this was exactly the ki d of fic i needed right now. it was perfect and organic and sweet and i want pessimistic artist tae to come and sweep me off my feet!

lucyvinvin25 said: I have no words for Waterloo. First of all just from the title I knew my abba dreams would come through but then I saw how you constructed the heroine and I’ve never identified so much with someone in my life! And the the angst was just 💜💜💜💜! It’s probably my favourite story in the world so far

oreiadae said: Oh also just wanna say cause i didnt have any space in the prev ask. Waterloois geniunely, one of the best fics i ve ever read it was SO heartwarming and it felt like i was there, in paris, in france, just falling in love ugh it was SO ethereal and beautiful and just soft and wispy, like i felt like i was laying in a ray of sunlight when i was reading it LOVE it.

Anonymous said: Okay not to be dramatic but you are literally one of the best writers I’ve come across and you have my whole ass heart bc you’re so genuine and funny but like Waterloo started playing while I was shopping and immediately my brain did a play by play of your fic as if it were a memory???? You ma’am are a wizard and deserve more recognition for your immersive writing x

omg the one where u say it played out like a memory, my heart cant handle such CUTENESS!!!! THANK U EVERYONE I LOVED WRITING WATERLOO AND AM SO PROUD OF HOW IT CAME OUT SO YOU MAKE ME ALL VERY GIDDY

#ask #lanu-la

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thanks--for--listening · 4 years

Text

bravery

as promised, the AWAE fic i wrote months ago and forgot about. i think i accidentally made some stuff up but i’m not sure (will elaborate in tags). also it takes place toward the end of season 2 but i don’t remember the specific episode but its after anne burns her paper for miss stacy and they talk about it and shit hopefully you all know what im talking about. also i haven’t seen season 3 yet bc america sucks so no spoilers. (also on ao3).

Anne had decided long ago that she would never grow bored of staring at Cole’s statues.

They seemed to dance, the way they stood scattered among the trees, each one in its own unique position. They had a rhythm to them, when you looked at the whole of it. It was as if they were meant to be together, to be seen not as individuals but as pieces of a bigger picture, like you would never truly understand them if you looked at just one.

“They truly are beautiful sculptures.” The voice startled her, and she turned to find Miss Stacy standing behind her. Marilla had left already, and Anne had assumed that Miss Stacy had followed suit.

“I think they’re the most magical things I have ever laid my eyes on, even more so than the Lake of Shining Waters.”

“I hope I get the chance to meet him someday, your friend the artist.”

“Oh, you would love Cole, Miss Stacy. He is truly the most marvelous of people.”

“May I ask you a question, Anne?” She said, and Anne nodded. “Why do you want me to like you so badly?”

“I—“ Anne stuttered, that sinking feeling of dread forming in the depths of her stomach. She had begun to believe she’d never outgrow that instinct, the one that always prepared herself for pain.

“I’m honored, don’t get me wrong,” Miss Stacy continued, “I just don’t understand it. You don’t know anything about me — why would my opinion matter so much to you?”

“I suppose everyone’s opinion matters to me,” she said softly.

“Do you have any idea as to why that might be?” Her voice was so soft, so light and without judgement, that Anne didn’t quite know how to proceed. It didn’t sound like she was about to be punished, but why else would she be asking if not to scold her on her vanity?

“I suspect it might be because it’s the most splendid feeling in the world. It’s intoxicating, Miss Stacy, to have people look at you and like what they see. To have people who want to spend their time with you, who want to listen to what you have to say.” She looked back at the sculptures. “Being wanted and being liked are so intrinsically intertwined. I suppose that’s why it matters to me.”

“That’s a very normal feeling, Anne,” she said in that teacher voice that made her feel both as if she was being scolded but also as if she was learning a valuable lesson. “But you know, there are worse things than not being liked.”

“I’m not quite sure there are, Miss Stacy.” She turned back toward her teacher, and felt a flame ignite in her chest at the look on her teacher’s face, the one that said without words that Anne could not possibly know more than what her age deems she must. “I assure you, I am no stranger to the horrors this world has to offer.” Anne spoke with a power she often kept hidden from her teachers, one she rarely used even with Marilla. “But it is my experience that not being liked, not being wanted, either leads to those horrors or makes them infinitely worse.”

“How so?” The look from earlier had disappeared, and Anne only saw curiosity on her teacher’s face.

“People don’t hurt those who they like. And those who are wanted never have to suffer the feeling of being completely and entirely alone.”

“Who taught you that?”

“Everybody, Miss Stacy. Everybody.”

Miss Stacy paused for an instant, before saying, “You’re fairly young to have learned such a horrible lesson.”

“I may only have fourteen years, but I have spent most of them without the benefits of childhood innocence.”

“And why is that?” She asked, and Anne felt shocked for a moment, at the realization that one person on this island truly had no idea who she was. Where she came from.

“Because I’m an orphan. Or, I was, until the Cuthberts adopted me just over a year ago.”

“Oh,” she said quietly, and Anne didn’t want to think about what that tone implied.

“That isn’t gossip, by the way. Everybody knows it, and it’s about me, so I think I’ve still managed to learn your lesson. Although, I suppose perhaps at one point it would have been considered gossip. But can a person’s very being be considered gossip? I’m as much an orphan as I am a girl with red hair, and no one would say discussing the color of my hair is gossip.”

“No, that’s quite alright,” Miss Stacy said. She stared at the sculptures, and for a short while didn’t speak a word. The silence seemed to linger, slowly filling the space between all the statues and trees that surrounded them. Anne couldn’t stand it.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“I shouldn’t have said anything about it. People get uncomfortable when I talk about where I came from.”

“Does it make you uncomfortable?”

Anne shrugged. “Sometimes I don’t want to remember. Especially last year, I’d try to pretend it never happened, pretend I was like everyone else. But I still haven’t quite figured out what’s normal and what isn’t, so I haven’t had the most success with that plan. I’ll think I’m describing something everybody experienced, and then I notice the way they’re all looking at me, and I realize that most people haven’t known the feeling of a whip on their back, or of sharing a room with more people than you can count, or of spending nights without food.” She paused a moment, before adding, “I don’t think they like being forced to acknowledge that real people experience all that bad stuff all the time. Especially not someone who’s like them now.”

“I think you may be right,” she said. “And if you ever have questions, you should know that you can always ask me. That is, assuming I’m still here. I’m not too sure how far those young mothers are willing to go to get rid of me. It seems I’m the talk of the town.”

“Thank you, Miss Stacy,” she said with a smile. “Although I think Marilla will wish you’d have come sooner. As it is, I’ve already done more than enough to establish myself as the resident scandal in Avonlea.”

“Don’t look now, but I think I’m coming for your title,” Miss Stacy teased, and Anne laughed, even though the sentiment wasn’t funny at all. But she knew more than anyone that you couldn’t get through life without laughing about horrible things.

“I should go home,” Anne said, grabbing her books from the ground. “If I’m not back soon, Marilla will be sure that fox has come after me now that he’s gone through the chickens.”

“Hopefully I’ll see you in class soon, Anne,” Miss Stacy smiled. “And don’t forget — I’ll still be expecting that essay on the perils of gossiping. Preferably in one piece this time, and not burnt to a crisp?”

Anne laughed. “I promise I’ll try my best not to burn this one.”

She turned to walk away, but Miss Stacy called out her name. “You’re very brave, Anne,” she told her. “I hope one day I can say the same for myself.”

“If you need bravery, you can always borrow mine,” Anne said with a smile. “I’ve found that courage is much easier when you have people with which to share it.”

She turned to leave, slowing her pace as she navigated through Cole’s artwork. The wind sang as it blew through the trees, and she felt as if she was one of the statues around her, dancing to the tune the Earth gave her with not a worry in the world.

#ok so i can't remember if miss stacy knew anne was an orphan #or if that was addressed on the show #so if it was and i forgot when i wrote this #oopsies #AWAE #anne with an e #anne #anne shirley cuthbert #awae fic #TFLAO3 #also give me your thoughts!! i love me some good old validation!#and i have another fic i wrote about AWAE but i think its awful but if u want my garbage i'll post it bc i have no shame so let me know

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tae-kun · 5 years

Text

If the Main Reason why you log onto Tumblr is for Porn, then you don’t understand what made Tumblr special in the first place

Tumblr is not a Porn Site

It was never intended to be, so for the people that are saying stuff like “Tumblr never supported our sex work anyway” you’re 100% correct. Being allowed to post Pornography isn’t the same as being a source for it. Over the years Tumblr has been ran rampant with porn to the point that content creators that did other stuff that didn’t relate to porn slowly started to go to other platforms; Since their work was being overshadowed by the sheer volume of porn and they struggled to get any attention on their work.

You people are acting like Tumblr is attacking sex workers as if this was their main and only place to earn money for their work.

There are porn sites that are made to promote AND support sex workers. Hell PornHub will pay people for their sextapes and has multiple systems in place for them to make money off Ad revenue alongside having a tip system, content protection and other stuff

Anyone that was serious about their sex work would have been using sites like this instead of relying on Tumblr as a main source of revenue or promotion.

Tumblr is a trash place to try to promote anything! Constant spamming of bots and tags, No reliable Notification system or way for your followers to see you’re new posts out of the sea of reblogs. So to act like these new changes are going to serious kill anyone that is in the sex work is flat out outrageous.

Hell a majority of the popular porn that was on here wasn’t even from amateurs making videos on here. People were taking porn from porn sites and making blogs centered around it and would constantly flood their blogs with this content which would then, overshadow any amateur worker on here that made their own work; since they had no to even compete with the constant bombardment of daily new stuff that these blogs were taking and using.

People would steal other peoples videos and get popular of it without even crediting the original creator and would even go as far as to SELL these videos and make more money of it than the actual people in the damn video.

So Tumblr was never an ideal place for sex work to begin with, so throw that excuse out. Most people only used Tumblr to promote their private snapchat or onlyfans account which you can still do in a regular selfie or post. There are thousands of people on Instagram making hundreds and thousands of dollars doing the same thing and they don’t have one titty out on their page. Just tight clothing and skimpy outfits.

If you’re really upset that you can’t watch porn on here after Dec 17

At first it was funny seeing people joke about the porn being gone. But some of y’all are really upset and mad that you need to actually go to a porn sites to watch porn???

Some of y’all don’t even post nudes or create anything that could be considered sexual and y’all saying “ima delete my blog since tumblr is trying to silence me”

(Side Note: Just because your post got flagged doesn’t mean it will be deleted. They already said stuff like this would happen as they added in this new system. So mistakes like these are bound to happen and will most likely be fixed in a week or so and have no negative affect on your blog. Y’all really acting like Tumblr is out to silence your love for cats and landscapes 🙄)

Like i said before there are plenty of sites to watch porn on and if your favorite sex worker is serious about their job then you will see them on there. Which only makes things easier for both of you. But lets be honest, most of y’all just like the idea of seeing porn without having to actually look for it, like it’s some nasty secret. On Tumblr you couldn’t escape porn even if you searched things that were unrelated to it. Tumblr gave you guys the perfect cover up for it and you guys went overboard with it and here we are. People are so quick to compare this issue to other Tumblr problems but there was never a issue as big as people with dick profile pics dming you no matter who you were (kids or adults) and sending you nude pics; then Porn Bots popped up under everyone’s post no matter if you had the safety lock on or not.

You guys made hundreds of post saying how much you hate porn blogs getting tens of thousands of notes in agreement about it, You guys would put “no porn blogs allowed” in your description box or something similar in meaning.

And now when Tumblr puts a system in place to directly remove it, you guys try to back pedal and claim that it will kill sex workers, freedom of speech and sexuality based off opinions, assumptions and things that aren’t even in the policy change.

Some of y’all honestly suggested “Just add a age verification system” as a way to fix the porn issue.... That shit ain’t never worked since 2002! I got so use to lying on those things that i sometimes forget that i’m grown and that i don’t need to put “01/11/1975″

The only people that this severely hurts are

1a) People that steal porn from other sites to use on their blog to get followers, to then try sell promo slots

1b) People that are stealing other sex workers content and illegally selling them

2) Child Porn Blogs

THAT’S IT

And Honestly is that really a bad thing? Getting rid of people that were stealing other peoples stuff and making money off it and pedophiles.

The way tumblr was set up allowed blogs like these to thrive without any risk, outside of getting their blog deleted (just to make a new one) and it only continued the flood of porn which became the breeding grounds for Porn Bots

Tumblr is suppose to be a place to freely express all forms of art, ideas, and conversations. But because of the nonstop flood of porn, most people only know it for Porn and Emo kids. Which brings me back to my original statement

This isn’t a Porn Site

Porn became so over flooded on here that you didn’t even need to search to find it. All you had todo is take off the safe lock and search anything, even a city. There would be hundreds of porn pics and videos in every slot. And before you say “well just keep the safety lock on”

Any content that had cursing, fighting or even slight nudity got put behind there. So unless you were just on here for kpop, aesthetics and Steven Universe you weren’t really seeing anything different with that lock on.

( Another Side Note: For you people trying to compare the porn flood to white supremacy blogs need to stop it. All the time i’ve been on here i have never NEEEVVVEEER accidentally came across any pro white supremacy post or blog unless it was someone exposing them and their stupidity which would then cause them to delete their blog. If you are constantly seeing anything Pro Nazi, Pro White Supremacy, Pro homophobia or anything similar that supports bigotry; then you are actively searching for it and follow these people. These blogs don’t even make up 5% of the content seen on here with or without the lock. So trying to say that Tumblr supports these blogs since they’re still around is Mr. Fantastic level of reaching. These blogs have never been a serious issue to the point that Nazi Bots were created saying “Hate jews and blacks clck here for more ;)”. So stop this weak comparison.)

I created a Tumblr and made it one of my main platforms to create content on because of the communities and people i found on here.

I found Great stories and Dope artist on here. I found people being able to fully express themselves and find an audience for them that helped share their work through a simple reblog. But if you’ve been noticing or have been on here long enough, most content creators don’t use Tumblr as their main platform to create or promote their content anymore. And why would they?

People barely activate their notifications for blog updates, It’s hella hard to find an audience through the constant reblogging of already popular stuff From Vine and Twitter, people rarely go outside of tumblr to support peoples stores or websites. Hell most artist on here that become popular on here that get continued support are the ones that have made or continue to make some kind of pornography of real or fictional characters. It’s hella rare to find any artist that hasn’t made any porn, that is equally popular or supported like the ones that have; which just goes back to people thinking Tumblr is for porn.

Tumblr isn’t even against the idea of expressing yourself or art through nudity as their post and policy change explicitly explained. And people’s content that’s getting flagged that doesn’t go against that policy is a problem THAT THEY SAID WOULD HAPPEN as they get everything in order with their new system

All of these long post that people are writing about it that and they themselves forgot to do some basic reading on the topic.

Tumblr Staff- “Certain types of artistic, educational, newsworthy, or political content featuring nudity are fine. Don’t upload any content, including images, videos, GIFs, or illustrations, that depicts sex acts.

This isn’t an attack on people’s ability to speak out or embrace themselves. They are directly trying to remove Porn which they won’t be able to fully do, even Instagram and Twitter can’t do that; no public site with millions of people can. But they’re at least trying to get rid of the constant overflow of it.

It’s so sad to see hundreds and thousands of you saying “i only used Tumblr for porn” because that just shows how derailed this site has become and why Tumblr had to make these extreme decisions especially after being removed from app stores because of the child pornography.

If you’re going to leave because you can’t make porn on here: I can see why you would do that but there is no reason to. You can still use your blog to promote your stuff and make teases of your work that can be found or bought else where. Tumblr was never a reliable place for sex work and i highly recommend using Sites that will actually protect your work and put some money in your pockets while doing it

If you’re leaving because you can’t watch porn on here: You probably weren’t supporting anyone really and only made the influx of porn worse, making it harder for other content users to be seen. If you were supporting actual sex workers on here then continue to do so, I’m sure anyone serious would have more than just tumblr as their main platform.

For those that got popular and made money off other people sex work: So long and farewell

For the Child Porn Blogs: Hope you get mental help or burn. Either or is fine with me

For the people that may get upset by this: Correct me, Prove me wrong, Let’s have a whole serious discussion about this and hear each others side with no fighting or disrespect :D

For all of Us: Lets actually support and help the people that really make Tumblr the gem that it is. Lets make this platform be known for creative people and unique ideas; and communities that actually comfort and understand us. Let’s actually make this platform something that’s known for more than just Porn and Emo Kids.

Regardless i hope that everyone can calm down and act like there’s more here than just porn..

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kellinquinnaf · 5 years

Text

A bi girls story

As a teenybopper I remember fantasizing about boys and coming up with senarios in my head. One day it was randomly a girl in my thoughts.

In summer 2015 I kissed a girl “A” (my bestfriend at the time) idk why part of me just really wanted to and she kissed me back, a boy saw (an ex it’s a small town) and was SHOCKED but we played it off. Later the “A” and I are home alone and I totally kissed her, pushed her up against the wall and everything. She was my first make out too. Throughout the summer we would have sleepovers and make out and it got as far as being shirtless and grinding (and I came wtf??) The whole time we would ask eachother if we’re straight or not and I was so like mind boggled that I was like “im straight, and we’re just friends who kiss” looking back now we were totally girlfriends that summer.

After that summer I was at a sleep over (in the city now) with my straight best friend “B” (100%) and another girl “S” and we were all friends. For some reason we started giving eachother hickeys and my straight bff “B” thought it was hilarious but I was like so into giving “S” hickeys that after I got sooooo nervous. We were all laying in her big bed together and my bff “B” fell asleep and I was so nervous that I kept shaking uncontrollably and she kept asking why. We were cuddling and so close and I can’t remember what I said but I think I told her I wanted to kiss her and we did and it’s was so amazing. Then weeks later we all had another sleep over and I was more confident this time and I kissed her and she kissed me back but out of no where “S” got up and was all nervous and I was sad that it ended but scared that she was not happy about something. After that she moved schools and I heard from my bff “B” that she felt really awkward about it all. Then she’d start posting about her “gf” (it was supposed to be platonic to the rest of the world) but as she posted pics or vids of them kissing I knew it was real for one of them at least.

In grade 11 a new girl came into the school, she was short and had the best but ever.. I couldn’t help but look. We ended up snapping and FaceTiming a few times and she wanted me to sleep over and she talked about us doing shit. She had a boyfriend at the time and he said he was ok with her experimenting. I was so excited to go over, and she started snapping me her in the bath and then her tits but she started snapping me just her vagina and I was not ready for that. The sleepover never happened :/. Yearssss later I’m in the city at the club and she’s there. I dance with her can call her hot and she says something like it’s been a while. We part ways.

I had a few boyfriends / flings in between then and finally made out with some boys and it was all really amazing too! The next summer I didn’t want to go back to the small town cause I had met this guy “D”! But I went back anyways.

I got a boyfriend in this town in summer 2016 and we told eachother we loved one another a few weeks into dating. During this summer I had a little fling with a girl “J” who at the same time was dating my ex-crush of 3 years who his letter is “V”. We tried kissing in front of both our boys they were just like wtf ok.

My boyfriend and I went long distance for a year while I went back to the city for school. During this time I went to a party with a bunch of people from my grade and idk why but I started talking to this girl “H” and straight up asked her (while drunk) if she ever thought about being with girls and she admitted yes and I kissed her. People saw and she got awkward about it. Another friend who saw got awkward around me after too. Another friend knew I’ve kissed other girls and I told her I was thinking about this party girl “H” and she told me that “H” felt weird about it after it happened. I let it go. During this time I also kissed a boy “J” at a party. And more girls at a different party (including my straight best friend “B” while she was drunk. I convinced her to kiss me I just wanted to see how she kissed lol). When prom came boy “J” had a girlfriend and we saw eachother at prom with our dates (“J” knew at the time that I had a boyfriend when I kissed him at the party) he just said hey Sam and looked at me with side eye but flirtation??? I said hey back .. my boyfriend knew that was the guy.

Fast forward a year and I moved in with my boyfriend in the small town. We were completely in love until we moved in together. Things get hard when you graduate high school and move 15 hours away with your boyfriend the day after. I cheated on him with a man “K” a year later and again 6 months after that, with “D” from years after he and I were a thing.

During the second time I was back in the city at the club dancing with the cheat “D” and my bffs sister “K” (guy “D” had a huge crush on girl “K” for the longest time). I’m between them both, my front grinding this girls ass and my ass grinding on this guy. This is the moment I felt true complete bliss and I knew then in that exact moment that I was bisexual. I then admitted it to my bestfriend “B” days later, the first person I told out loud and she said “I’ve known that since girl “S” in grade 10” (at this point we’re on our second year out of high school) Guess I must be obvious.

This guy “D” though he accepted my bisexuality in the moment and made me feel empowered and turned on by it. He was turned on by it. It just felt so good to be with someone so open. Actually I had another boy “C” who felt the same and it felt so good to me for them to enjoy me just being bisexual me. (Funny story this boy “C” dated the girl I had kissed in the sleepovers “S” and so I told him about how we kissed the same girl and he was so horny over it ahhh!)

Bring us to one month ago and (6months after that last cheat with “D”) and I go to another party in the small town now. I’m fucking plastered but I somehow scavenge out the lesbian from the pack of girls who is “M” 😍. We start talking and I guess I’m totally attracted to her. I think I kissed her without her wanting it at first. I kissed her a lot that night. Everyone saw too. We walked home with everyone and I held her hand the whole way. We added eachother on snap.

I told my boyfriend long ago that I’m bisexual and he told me I’m not. I tell him again and he says we could have a three sum. After kissing “M” I got weird cause he considers it cheating and I felt horrible for doing it again. I told him and my boyfriend said “I’m sorry but Im not into that. I know some guys are but I’m not” I told him my fantasy of having us be in a three way relationships with a girl. He could have two girls to fuck and I could have the best of Both worlds. He could get us both pregnant and our kids would be siblings. He was not intrigued by this idea at all.

“M” and I want to hang out but now I feel like I can’t hang out with her cause I know I won’t be able to control myself. She came into my work the other day for a dental appointment. She walks in wearing all black, her blonde hair shimmering in the light contrasting to the black. She has a big leather jacket and a helmet in hand, wearing big black boots. Her colourful tattoos showing on her arms making her look so tough but artistic. We get to chatting as I show her to her exam room. She forgot that I worked there and I commented on the fact that she rides a motorcycle. A Honda 500 (can’t remember the model) - I tell her I’ve always wanted to ride but my parents never let me. I’m leaning on the counter trying to look chill and cool. She said riding a bike is the gayest thing to do (I thought she meant like “gay insult” but she meant “gay homosexual”). I bet the whole office could hear the flirtation and I only hope that they think it’s just banter. She’s getting ready to leave now so I pretend to busy myself with paper work at the front so I can watch her leave. As she’s leaving I walk to the back and turn over my sholder, us making eye contact and waving to eachother. I watch her ride her motorcycle with one hand after saying she just started riding and is getting used to it. She looked like a dream.

I snap her the next day asking how the work day is since I of course work days and she works nights. She replys with something calling me cutie and sending heart eye emojis. We flirt a bit more and she says she wants to hangout soon since she’s leaving for college again. I leave for vacation so I tell her aug 25th and 26th I’m back and can hang out. She said she leaves the 27th but can chill the 26th. I ask her what she wants to do (idk if she knows I have a boyfriend but I have to tell her). She says “I don’t think we’ll be bored😉”

Now I’m day dreaming about her and I have a boyfriend. I don’t know what I should do but I now know that the term “once a cheater always a cheater” is true. I know my desires will win. But can you really blame a Gemini; we are so torn between being two people and leading two different lives that we are greedy and take as much as we can of everything.

I also have a crush on my boss, a smart, intelligent, artistic and wholesome girl dentist, who is also a Gemini and born a decade and two days before me. This life is a struggle.

—

I’ve been thinking lately of talking to a therapist. My life is fucked up. I’m so torn between where I am and where I want to be. I don’t even know where I want to be .. I thought right where I am was it but I’m not so sure. I want to leave this town and go back to the city and go to school but I’m living the life I wanted here. I just don’t want this settled down family life just yet. I’m dental assisting without having gone to school for it so I feel like I can’t be proud of what I do. I’m a dance instructor with someone I can’t even handle anymore because of their greed and want to have my own control over it. I’m torn between wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to be single. Between wanting to be with a boy and with a girl. I miss my family but I moved here to get away from that toxic household (not toxic when not living with the parents). I have not been officially diagnose but I know I have OCD and trichotilomania (a disorder causing you to involuntary pull out your body hair). I only pulled my eyelashes but when I tried to stop I just started picking my skin and now I have the worst acne and scaring. I need help. My house is either spotless or a complete disaster. also I’m in the closet for most of everything and I’m nervous to what my family and coworkers will think/feel. Everyone else idgaf but when you’re so close and personal and you come out it shocks people and then the women don’t want to get to close to you in fear that you’re attracted to them. And the parents would be ok with it but they’d just be shocked.

I’m gunna ask the girl to hang out tonight and we’ll probably make out. Hopefully we fuck.

#horrible person

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moodymurda · 5 years

Text

think i lost my best friend

as a small child my first first best friend was a boy named omar. we met in daycare when we were two. we were the smallest in the class but had the biggest mouths. we ended up going to the same schools until 4th grade. at our elementary school anytime someone claimed me as a best friend, he would explain that we went way back to diapers and they weren’t my best friend lmao.

in pre-k i met a boy named hakeem. (our mom’s ended up being friends, they still talk occasionally and sometimes my mom will tell me how hakeem and his siblings are doing. because she know my weird ass cares about that sort of thing). hakeem brought these lemon cookies everyday for snack. i liked them too but in strawberry, so he would have his mom get me some and he brought me those cookies everyday until we changed schools in first grade. we always sat together, did our work together, played together. we had other friends but we mostly did everything together.

in first grade i had 2 best friends. a boy named franklyn and a girl named melody. melody moved away like 4 months into the school year but to this day i’ve never forgotten her. franklyn, i thought he was so cool. he was a really great artist.. for a 6 year old lol. he was real funny too. he had the funniest facial expressions. and he was real serious which i was entertained by because i’ve always been “silly”.

in 4th grade i met a girl named shanelle. we were the shortest girls in the class and the smartest. we were really similar in general and we instantly clicked. it was a whole lil group of girls that i’d known since first grade. but shanelle and i ended up in the same class in 4th grade and we clicked idk. that was my mf girl. when i first moved to florida we talked on the phone every saturday for hours. i also met a boy named anias that year. he was one of my best friends too. he was also my first crush lol. unrelated but it’s interesting to look back at how i handled the fact that i liked him, because i still handle liking people that same way.

fifth grade was my first year in florida. it was real hard for me to make friends. the other day, my mom said to me she realized that in new york i never had to make friends. i have bout 5011 cousins, so that's built in friends right there. and they were my friends back then, they're my friends now. then most of the kids i went to daycare with, they went to my elementary school. so again i never had to make a friend really. i knew everyone in my life since i was a literal infant.

but yea i did end up making friends eventually. got my first white friends ever lol. (one of their dad’s called me a nigger which is still hands down one of the weirdest things i’ve ever experienced.) i started to befriend more girls which was cool because before then i always had way more guy friends than girls.

in middle school i went to one school for 6th grade, then another for 7th & 8th. in 6th i met my friend nijah. and she was my best friend then. she treated me like i was her little sister and i’m still grateful. she really looked out for my little ass and defended me no matter what. she was present after i got into my first fight lol. and even though i held my own, the girl had scratched my face. that shit set nijah off and she proceeded to beat homegirl’s ass even though i just did.

i struggled to make friends in 7th again. in 6th grade i went to the same school that most of my elementary friends went to, so again i didn’t have to make friends for real. i did make new friends but it was different because it was a group thing. not me alone trying to fit in somewhere. in 7th grade i finally got into a school i applied to in 5th grade but was wait-listed. i was and am very reluctant to speak to those i don’t know for a list of reasons. so i didn’t. i would just observe the people in my class. eventually these two girls named janae and keely who were best friends, kinda let me stick my ass in there with them. then i met bart and this girl dani. i remember marcus and i had ended up befriending one another bc our history teacher sat us next to each other when he was reassigning seats. (i remember every mf thing but marcus was also my second crush so naturally i remember every detail of that shit). so yea those were my friends. at the time janae was my best friend tho. she was the only other black girl in the class that would talk to me and didn’t think i was weird. it was because her ass was weird too lol. i didn’t act like the rest of the black girls and they really only spoke to me to make fun of me. which i knew, but i’ve never been one to entertain shit unless “you got beat my ass about it”.

in 8th grade janae and i met this group of girls. morgan, dejahnna, atlantis, and jarvayssia. some shit shifted that year and morgan and dejahanna became my best friends. they were the first friends i ever hang out with outside of school. it made me feel so good to be invited to shit and to feel included. to feel like a normal ass 13 yr old felt amazing.

so in high school there were two schools all the magnet school kids would usually apply to. stanton and paxon. with the exception of keely, bart, and a few other people i didn't mention here. every single person i was close with in middle school, went to paxon. what's crazy is most of my friends were going for stanton because in jax it’s the “better” school as far as ranking goes. i don't even remember why but when i toured paxon, i liked it more than stanton and i wanted to go there. it’s still funny to me that my ass didn’t want to go to stanton but was one of the only ones in my close friend group to get in.

so yea at stanton is struggled. a lot. personally but also in the friend department. to put it plainly i had none. people didn't really talk to me or acknowledge me really. at first i didn’t mind it. but then having a fucked up home situation and having no friends just made me feel real shitty. there was that thing again, with people talking to me only to make fun of me. some of those same people would turn around senior year and try to be my friend senior year which was hilarious to me at the time. it was like they forgot how they treated my extra depressed ass back then. i met this girl chelsey in 10th grade and she was hella sweet. she basically forced me on her friends and they became my friends.

okay so anyway, in 11th grade i met a girl named ahmani. she was in my chorus class. i remember our first encounter, it was towards the beginning of the school year. stanton was playing paxon and it was the game everyone went to ya know. i wanted to go but my mom couldn't take me. so everyone is talking about it and someone asked if i was coming. i said no and why, ahmani ended up asking me what side of town i lived on. we realized we dead lived like 7 minutes away from each other. she offered to pick me up and bring me to the game w her. i was amazed that she was willing to, i know that dont sound like a big deal but to me it was. people weren’t nice to me bro. like ever. so for her to do that it meant a lot. she ended up being my ride every mf where. she is dead the reason i hung out w people outside of school w my friends. she took me everywhere with her. sometimes we would just sit in the car and talk or listen to music. we had a group of friends, it was 5 of us. but i was the closest with her.

i admired her. i thought she was so strong and resilient. she's hella awkward but she owns it. she's low-key/highkey anxious sometimes but she works through it. no one i’ve ever met works harder to achieve shit than she is. she sings so beautifully. she is beautiful. she's a caretaker of basically anyone she knows. she is a light, she was my light for so long when i needed it. we’re pretty different but also a lot alike. we just worked. i always told her where i fall short she picks up my slack and vice versa. we might be a bit of a mess separately but our heads working together is unstoppable. we’re kinda a mess together too honestly but it’s us.

in college we didn't spend as much time together. we both stayed home for two years and went to a community college. we would hang out like weekly i think. i’m pretty sure we saw each other once a week at the very least. but then she went to orlando for university and i went to UNF which in jax. we didn’t talk all that much and i understood. i wasn't necessarily too busy, but thats because i just never am that fucking busy lmfao. idk the way i go through life is weird. i only make time for the shit and people i want to make time for. i refuse to do anything i dont want to. and that isn’t necessarily my best trait but I'm working on it. but yea i guess she was busier than i? idk when i don’t speak to people for a while i dont make a big deal. i tell myself it isn’t on purpose and i move on. i often tell myself not to apply more importance to my life than what is necessary. especially when others are involved. again, not my best trait but i’m working on it.

so yea though our communication got limited i still considered her my best friend. when she would come to the city, if she had time we hung out. i always have time lmfao, always. again i know other people’s lives are more full than mine. well i assume so. anyway. we spoke on the phone. we were there when the other needed i think. i try hard not to need people. like not to call them or burden them with my issues. i try real hard. but when she needed me i was there. not to say i’ve ever needed her and she wasn’t there. because that isn’t the case at all.

recently we planned to move to chicago together. a whole chain of events happened and now we aren’t. i’m still moving and i’m pretty sure she is too. just not together. the way it happened is really fucking with me. i don’t wanna get into it bc of privacy and shit. but i will say that i am hurt. im really hurt and im confused and im beating myself up over some shit that everyone keeps telling me isn't my fault. feels like my fault though. that feels like the only explanation. i dont know.

i’ve been thiniking a lot. about friends and how i never really had any. i just spoke to people so i wasn't alone or sometimes i just spoke to no one and made myself be okay with it. and now i have this group of friends and we’re like family. everyone that is my friend currently is my family. all of my friends i have currently i made over the internet. and i was bothered by that im not even gonna lie. it felt good to still have ahmani bc i would see her more than i see my other friends. i still have some i didn't meet yet. idk i just.. im the only person in my like personal life with internet friends. like in my family. and i felt like i just fed the fact that my family thinks im not even the least bit “normal”. then i started to feel bad. because it felt like that meant i was ashamed of my friends.and i’m not. i love them. i dont wanna lose any of them any time soon. and i’m realizing i dont need anyone’s approval to make those friendships “real” or valid. because they are real and valid to me.

but yea i dont think ahmani and i will be friends anymore. or if we do end up being friends again, we probably won't speak for a while. i don’t know what that means. but losing a friend sucks a whole lot and i wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

#me #ni #mal #friens

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lordsicheng · 6 years

Text

enemies to lovers: i.m

Im Changkyun (I.M) x OC

word count: 5.7k

“What an idiot.”

You would say to yourself over and over again whenever you saw him

Either he just walked pass by you at the company office

Or if you’re in any type of contact that had anything to do with him

His name? Im Changkyun.

As far as you can remember, you came into the company first as one of the management officers

Making sure schedules were fixed for every artist and actors under your company

Also for every invitation they get for an event, it has to go through your team for approval first

Just in case the event is appropriate enough for anyone under contract as well

Changkyun, usually wanting to be called by his stage name, I.M, was a trainee at first when you joined the company

You’re slightly older, but he seemed to be a little mature for his age

Whenever he’s reminded of his age compared to those older than him, he’d just say

“Geez, age is just a number”

Sure it is

It was one particular morning where you had to go to one of their recordings since they had an important schedule right after

So the moment the van door opened, you already had a feeling in your gut on who you would be in the same vehicle with

“Good morning!”

“…good morning.”

Your reply sounded groggy, but you really just tried hard to be polite

As expected, other than the seat next to Changkyun’s, every space was filled

So you just sat next to him and closed the van door immediately as the driver saw everyone was all set to get to the recording

Checking the list on your clipboard, you examined the list of their schedule for today

“Okay, so we’re on our way for the first recording for this new variety show. I was told you all would be done after two to three hours, so we can scoot in about an hour and a half for lunch before you guys head on back to the studio to prepare for your upcoming comeback.”

You then spotted one certain schedule you forgot to add on, almost crossing it out since you thought it was already done the day before

“Oh, right. Jooheon and Changkyun, you both have a short guest appearance for another variety. It’s just short, so you’ll both probably be done in an hour of recording or some sort.”

“Copy.”

“Hey, y/n, are you gonna be at the recording with us?”

Changkyun suddenly asked out of nowhere, confusing the other members at the back a bit

“Depends.”

“So, are you gonna be there?”

“I said it depends.”

It was unusual that Changkyun would ask you such and it just made the other members in the car, especially Minhyuk and Jooheon, confused

They were a little curious as to why he asked too but Jooheon soon brushed it off, leaving Minhyuk still a little bit suspicious

So, how did you and Changkyun start having a pretty rocky kind of relationship?

It all started when you accidentally bumped into him as he joined the company

You joined a week before as an intern and you were immediately put into the artist management department, aka where you are one of the higher officers now

It wasn’t easy in the beginning at all and you had to endure every lesson, every complaint, and even every hindrance just to get a proper job and hopefully get promoted as a regular

Changkyun was on his way to the practice room in a hurry and you were struggling on carrying three boxes, piled on each other that were full of Styrofoam balls for a future Christmas event

Well as some romance films depicted, he bumped into you as he ran in the halls

Causing of course, the boxes and balls to fall and for yourself on your butt

You frowned, looking at him with irritation

“Watch where you’re going!”

“I’m sorry”

“You should be.”

You stood up and looked around, seeing all the mess made

“Look I need to g-“

Once he took a step, he literally stepped on one of the styro balls

“MY GOODNESS!”

You shrieked as you saw him almost quiver and try to move another step back

“NO DON’T TAKE A STEP BACK I’VE ALREADY LOST ONE BALL I DON’T NEED TO LOSE ANOTHER ONE!!”

He looked around frantically and then to you, sighing and just kicking the balls to the side to pass through

“Wow aren’t you gonna help me?”

He didn’t answer and just walked away fast

And that, made you have a pretty bad first impression of him

I mean, you totally understood that he was in a hurry

But he should’ve at least helped you a bit

Honestly he just chickened out because of his tenseness from trying to not arrive late to practice and fear of doing something dumb again

Fast forward to a couple of months later, you were asked to help evaluate some trainees

It was very unusual for the coaches to ask interns to do so too

But the coaches wanted a different point of view rather than their own for when the trainees debut

And not be “biased” in any way either

So you were just like hey, why not

So there goes—you end up seeing him again

Are you even surprised?

Not really

They were given a choreography to memorize in just a day

As you continued to evaluate, you looked at him and noticed he made mistakes

And it wasn’t those small ones, but rather easy to identify as if he wasn’t fit into the group

The dance coach asked you and a couple other employees on your observance

Because you wanted to be honest, you pointed out Changkyun was literally not in sync with the group

“It’s as if he was forced or having a hard time on the choreography.”

The dance coach seemed to agree with you a bit and nodded

Changkyun, very well accepted this fault of his

But that didn’t stop him from looking at you with eyes that almost pierced through your whole body

You took a couple of glances at him and he seemed to have kept on looking at you without even having to worry if anyone else noticed

“Is he gonna eat me alive or something?”

A month later, you crossed paths again

This time, he literally followed you from behind

It kind of scared you but the moment you knew who it was, you stopped walking and turned to look at him in a confused manner

“Yes?”

“Do you hate me? Do you dislike me that much? Am I too off for you?”

Wot in tarnation

“No?? What makes you say so?”

“Well thanks to you I felt really down and decided to audition for this survival program the company is doing”

Yikes

As if you hurt his ego when you really didn’t

You kept your stance as you really just wanted to be truthful and not make it seem like no one made a mistake during the choreography evaluations

“Well, why don’t you audition?”

“The problem is, the show already started”

“Oh, right.”

You both just went quiet before he spoke yet again

“I’m still auditioning. I’ll show you. I’ll pass it.”

He walked away and looked as if he were stomping

You were worried but also thought he was just being too much

Lucky enough, he did finally debut with his current group

You tried to congratulate him many times after the announcement but it seemed that you both didn’t cross paths again right after

“Must be busy in preparations for debut”

As you were gonna end your time as an intern, one of the superiors was very impressed with your work

With little to almost no problems when dealing with the departments and overall work environment

And next thing you knew, you were given a chance to stay in the company and help with organizing schedules, events, and what more for the upcoming boy group that Changkyun was in

Or should you say, I.M

Either way, you accepted it in delight and went on with it in a couple of weeks

Finally after a while, you saw Changkyun walk by from practice with the other members

You congratulated the others as they may have seen you before in the building, once or even twice perhaps

Some of them also realizing you were one of the past interns turned official employee

Everyone was very flattered and happy with your congratulations

But Changkyun seemed off as you complimented him on his hard work to be part of the new group

As they walked away, Changkyun moved slowly before pausing and turning to grab you by the arm, making you stop your tracks and look at him in perplex

“So you’re sucking up to me and the others just to be able to work for us, huh?”

“Excuse me?”

“It seems that we always cross paths in such way. Do you like me?”

Wow is he serious

Like you’ve only seen each other a few times and he suddenly says it like this

“Whatever you’re thinking about, you’re definitely wrong.”

“Ya! Changkyun! Hurry up the van is waiting!”

One of the other members called and noticed Changkyun grabbing your arm, letting loose just after he was called

“Go home.”

“I am going home.”

His witty reply appalled you a bit as he walked away with a slight smirk

And you just stood there with your mouth wide open

“Geez I hate this guy.”

For the next few years, you never realized they would actually hit big

With so many international invites and whatnot, it was so overwhelming for the boys and even your team

You grew closer to the members too, especially Jooheon and Hyungwon, but Changkyun just remained civil and smiled whenever others were around

Only to go back to being kind of sulky whenever he could get the chance to stare you down as you looked away

Kinda creepy, but kinda confusing too

Now, it’s just as if you have nothing but a business relationship with him and nothing more

Were you friends? Not quite

Acquaintances? Close, but not really

Strangers? Just a step up

And little did you realize you really didn’t want to have anything to do with Changkyun

But his personality often threw you off especially if he were on lives and events

“Is he really like this?”

“He is very much alike on shows, events, and in real life.”

You would ask Jooheon and his reply would be just like that

You’d get skeptical, but since Jooheon was pretty close to him and even to you, you just had to accept that

Back to the present, you all finally arrive at the area of their first schedule

Turns out, you didn’t have to go with them on their schedules that day

“Hey, y/n. We can take it from here. It’s only a short guesting. Also the others needed you for the graphic concept for the comeback.”

So you just nodded and stayed in the car as all the other members left

Changkyun sighed as he moved out, glancing at you again before moving forward to follow the others

It was weird, you thought

But it was also a relief since you really didn’t want to see him

In fact, the more you were with the boys and especially Changkyun, you’d feel really annoyed by his presence

So the van drove you back to the company to finish off some things needed for the comeback

All day you had to endure your sleepiness and think a lot about what was a good music video concept, graphic art for the album, and even mini events other than fansign events

But seeing the love calls from overseas and even local events, you and your other coworkers couldn’t really think of anything else to add up either

After all the preparations you literally didn’t notice it was already night time too

The members were already back from an hour to two hours ago, practicing and preparing themselves

One of your coworkers told you to give something to Hyungwon, so you just did and grabbed the small box that seemed to be from one of his relatives that was sent this morning

As you walked into the practice room, everyone was done with their choreography as their leader, Shownu, called for a short break

You saw Hyungwon and waved your hand with the box, his eyes wide in excitement

“Nice! It’s here!”

“What’s that?”

“A watch I’ve always wanted.”

You gave the box to Hyungwon as he put it to the side and patted you on the head

“Thank you our little angel.”

“I’m not little, you’re all just tall.”

Just as everyone took a break, you realized there was one person missing

You noticed Changkyun wasn’t around practicing with them

“Where’s Changkyun?”

“At the recording room trying to finish up the songs to give for tomorrow. Do you mind calling him?”

You were hesitant, but you just shrugged and gave a nod as you walked over to the studio just a floor away from the practice area

You knocked a couple of times before opening the door, seeing Changkyun all alone as he listened to one of the songs

To try and not make things awkward, you smiled and tried to think of a compliment as you walked over

“Sounds like a good song. Is that the title?”

As you spoke, he turned his head and looked back at the computer screen

You sighed, walking over to his side and tapping him on the shoulder

“Hey, the others are waiting for you upstairs. You need to practice with them.”

“Give me five minutes.”

You just shrugged and stood up, but as you walked away he stopped you by speaking again

“Hey, can you listen to this song for the album coming out?”

You frowned, turning to look at him in confusion

“Uh, why me?”

“Well since you’re here, I need to get an opinion before I complete this in case there are changes.”

You nodded in agreement and grabbed the chair next to him as you sat down

“You’re good at judgment anyway.”

He suddenly mumbled, and you totally heard him and sighed yet again

“Are we gonna have to go through this again?”

“Shhh, I’m gonna play it and tell me what you think of it. Focus on mine and Jooheon’s rap.”

“Fine.”

He scrolled a few times to clip up some of the parts of the song before playing it

As per usual, you liked the whole vibe of the song

To you, this literally showed a very deep and dark side of them

You waited for the rap parts as they were in some different verses in the song, but you listened carefully to the lyrics to just make sure it was fitting through the whole song

“I got it, the last out of the seven. Think these guys are better than me? Now tell me, what are you feeling?”

That part seemed to catch you in a way where it was very fitting

After he played the song, he turned to look at you

“So?”

“Really good. Like, the whole vibe is good.”

“How were the lyrics?”

“I really liked how you made the lyrics fit for the song. ‘The last out of seven’ was really witty, since you’re the youngest.”

You chuckled as you spoke and Changkyun seemed to sigh and force a small smile as he looked at the keyboard

“It’s not about being the youngest member, though.”

He admitted, and you raised a brow as you looked at him

“Oh, really? That’s interesting.”

“I wrote my rap parts in much thought. What do you think was it about? Or maybe, who was it about?”

He suddenly turned his head to look at you in a stern expression

It was very unusual for him to speak like that to you

And you looked back at him frozen as you couldn’t really pinpoint what he really meant

You both just ended up looking at each other, the air in the room becoming tense as the time passed by

As Changkyun was to move closer, the door opened only for one of the other members to see you both

“Ya, Changkyun! Hurry up we need to polish up the choreo!”

To your surprise, it was Jooheon and he seemed to look confused on seeing you sitting next to Changkyun

“Well this is new.”

“Shut up.”

You chuckled awkwardly, standing up and walking towards the door

“I heard one of your songs, by the way. Sounds really good and fitting as the title. I’d listen to the whole album but I guess I’ll have to wait until it comes out, I need to head out early.”

You walked over to the door as Jooheon took a step to the side to let you pass

“See you guys tomorrow. See ya, Joohoneeeeey.”

You pinched his cheek and walked away, making Jooheon frown and pout

“Aish, this girl.”

He looked at you walk away and then turned to look at Changkyun

Changkyun’s expression looked like a mix of being uncomfortable and annoyed

Jooheon, being the curious kid that he was, closed the door and crossed his arms

“What’s with the expression?”

“What expression?”

Changkyun’s voice sounded defensive, turning his back again to look at the computer

Jooheon smirked and definitely knew what Changkyun was all about

“Now I know why you really wanted the song to be our title.”

Changkyun froze, widening his eyes as he just kept looking at the screen

“W-well, we needed to keep a dark concept-“

“Sure we do.”

Jooheon slowly opened the door, not stopping his gaze to Changkyun who slowly turned and looked back as if he was guilty

“You better go back upstairs so we can practice properly.”

“Okay.”

“I’m on to you.”

Jooheon kept his smirk and did a “I’m watching you” gesture, walking out without even closing the door as Changkyun just sat there

Definitely knowing what Jooheon was thinking about

As the day of the music video filming arrived, you helped out with all the concepts and designs of the area to fit with the song

The boys were having their makeup done and it was a timing you went in since everyone was getting ready and you brought a few of their stuff inside

You walked over to Jooheon and gave him a pat on the back while smiling

“Loving the hair. You better not mess up during filming.”

“When do I ever mess up?”

Jooheon snickered and turned to look at you with a wide grin

What you both didn’t notice was that Changkyun, who was sitting next to Jooheon and also having his makeup done, saw everything

And he suddenly felt a rush in him that totally made him feel confused and down all of the sudden

Spite? Envy? Jealousy?

All signs point to yes

But he just remained and acted calm as if he didn’t notice everything at all

“Good luck guys!”

“Thanks, y/n!”

Everyone, except Changkyun, replied as you gave Jooheon another pinch on the cheek before walking away and out of the makeup area

“Gosh, she seems to like pinching my cheek a lot.”

“Why does she do that anyway?”

Changkyun suddenly blurted out in question, sounding a little bit irritated

Jooheon, kind of noticing his jealousy, turned his head to look at him

“Maybe because she wants to?”

“Don’t you get annoyed?”

“No? It’s cute?”

Changkyun just went quiet, but Jooheon being Jooheon, smirked yet again as he looked at him in suspicion

“I’m still on to you.”

Changkyun looked at Jooheon in almost a bit of a shock, turning away right after as he just tried to brush it off

You and Changkyun never really crossed paths again ever since that day since everyone was very busy in preparations

After a while, their comeback was already becoming a hit

And as per usual, the schedules were becoming hectic

You’d run around giving their schedules and going with them to events to make sure everything goes smooth sailing

As much as you were surprised, Changkyun seemed off whenever the cameras weren’t rolling

It was weird for you to see this, although he tried to brush off every bit of negative vibes and just continue on being the same him, on and off camera

After a couple of weeks, you were on your way out to go home

But you passed by the studio again and saw Changkyun walk out

You stopped and immediately continued to walk by him to go on your way

He just stood there, looking down before slowly looking at you

“Hey, y/n.”

He suddenly called and you stopped from walking to just turn to him and hold your handbag properly on your shoulder

“Yeap?”

“Can I ask you something?”

He suddenly was becoming straightforward and you were almost taken aback

But you figured it was just work related so you just shrugged off anything other than that

“Of course. What is it?”

Feeling a little bit hesitant, Changkyun paused for a while to try and think of a proper way to ask you what had been on his mind for a long time

“H-how close are you to Jooheon?”

He suddenly asked, which kind of surprised you

“Well, we’re kind of close since we have similar interests and all. Why did you ask?”

He went silent again, nodding

“I see. I mean, you pinch his cheek a lot.”

You raised a brow, giving a small smile and chuckling

“Oh, so you’ve noticed.”

You both went quiet, and the atmosphere was getting awkward so you decided to just turn and try to walk away

“If that’s just what you’re curious about, honestly. I have to g-“

“Are you more than friends?”

He stopped you with his words again and you seemed to be very confused and taken aback

“Wait, what makes you-“

You turned, Changkyun look at you in a concerned expression but you just remained calm

“What makes you think so?”

“I just wanted to make sure, since, you know, I get concerned.”

“About what? Friends acting like friends?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Well, what do you mean then? Because honestly we’re just friends. It’s not like we just met last week, Changkyun. I’ve known and been with you guys for so long. It’s only us that have a bit of a confusing relationship.”

Changkyun looked down, shaking his head and then raising it up again to look at you

“I’m sorry if I-“

“If what?”

You suddenly retorted, making him getting also quite heated

“I really just wanted to know if you guys were really just friends.”

“Yes, we’re just friends, Changkyun. Stop acting like you’re jealous of him in any way.”

“Well what if I am actually jealous?”

He confessed all of the sudden and you just looked at him, speechless

“What if I actually liked how our first meeting was like a drama on TV? What if I really just wanted to get your attention and purposely mess up during training whenever you were around just to have your eyes on me? What if I told you I decided to join the survival show late because I wanted to show you how capable I am of working hard and how determined I am?”

All his words were hitting you hard and it felt really different too

Was that his confession? Was he truly infatuated with you? Or was he just forced because he had been suppressing it for too long and was afraid Jooheon would end up having you instead of him?

“So you’re saying…”

“I’m saying I like you, y/n. I’ve liked you for too long that I just couldn’t help myself feeling sad whenever you weren’t with us on schedules and whenever you were, your attention would always go to Jooheon and the others and it kind of made me slightly irritated.”

“Changkyun I-“

You couldn’t speak, looking down as you were not sure of speaking back to him either

Instead of continuing your words, you turned and hurriedly walked away to go out

And not look back again as Changkyun just stood there, not able to comprehend the fact that you literally just walked away from him trying to tell you how he really felt

Unfortunately, you were just as scared as him

His fear of rejection was just as leveled to your fear of hurting someone

You didn’t, or rather, never really felt the same way as he did

But honestly, what if you actually did?

What if whenever you saw him and thought negatively and annoyingly, it was rather an elated type of feeling?

Sure, first impression was bad. The more you both saw each other, the more your blood boiled from the thought of it

The thought just wouldn’t get out of your mind and within the next days and weeks, work was just beginning to slowly drift away into a less exciting environment for you

As much as possible, you really just didn’t want to see the boys and be with them whenever there were schedules during their comeback season

You tried to tell yourself they probably didn’t mind, but Jooheon seemed concerned

One night as they were to end promotions, they were on their way out of the practice room

Jooheon asked Changkyun to bring some of the other bags, to which Changkyun was okay with doing so and left him to leave the practice room last

It was also a good timing that you were on your way down and saw the boys head out

But you weren’t quick enough to say goodbye either so you just shrugged

But then again, you saw Changkyun head out of the practice room and lock it himself

He turned his head a little and noticed you before turning to the other side to go out himself

You couldn’t handle seeing him as if he was disappointed in you

So you ran towards him and hugged him from behind, stopping him from walking

“I’m sorry for not feeling the same way. I know it’s been weeks, but I wanted to tell you that I’ve realized I may have some sort of growing feelings for you too because it felt really weird for me to not properly be myself after your confession.”

Changkyun looked down, staring at your hands clasped together that were on his waist as you held tight

“Changkyun, I like you a lot too. I’m really sorry for distancing myself.”

He sighed, slowly holding on to your hands and smiling a bit before unclasping them and walking away, carrying the bags again and not even look back at you

You were shocked and very much upset, feeling rejected as he walked out of the door

You wanted to cry, you really did

But something in the pit of your stomach just felt different and it made you contain your emotions

And from then on, it was just as if you both were only forced with your feelings

You kept trying to brush everything off, just walking away yourself as you decided to just go home and suck it up

The next day as you arrived the company building, you were told last minute to accompany the boys to a schedule by their manager

You declined, but he were really eager to let you go

Since you really couldn’t say no, you had no choice

You walked over to the parking lot with him and saw the boys already getting in the car

They noticed you and smiled after not seeing you for a long time

“So, where’s the schedule?”

“Busan.”

Busan… seriously

You got inside and tried to look for a spot to sit, but the only space available was literally right next to Changkyun

“Jooheon hyung, sit next to me!”

“No, I have to discuss with Kihyun some important things… why don’t you let y/n sit next to you?”

Changkyun’s eyes widened as he looked at you and just kept his composure to look at the front

The others literally knew what Jooheon was up to, and maybe you did too

Not really having any other choice, you just sat next to Changkyun and sighed

“I have to endure hours, seriously.”

The road trip was like the usual, the boys talking and taking naps, but Changkyun seemed to be quiet and just looked at the window on the side

And to your surprise, you literally just fell asleep

But the van stopped at a gas station midway, waking everyone up

“We’re almost out of gas.”

The driver just went out, and so did the other members and the manager in front too

“Where are you guys going?”

You asked in confusion, looking at everyone head out

“Get some snacks on the way. You need anything?”

You shook your head and declined as they left, closing the van door

Changkyun, still seated at your side, seemed to have fallen asleep as he rested his head on the window

You sighed, trying to check your phone for any messages and reminders

As a couple of minutes passed by, Changkyun suddenly shifted a bit and rested his head on your shoulder

You wanted to push him away, but you were also scared of waking him up and catching him off guard

So you just stayed still and slowly put your phone in your handbag again, looking away

Changkyun’s hand slowly made its way up to yours, entwining both of your fingers as he tried to contain himself from even smiling

You frowned, looking at him in confusion

“Do you still like me?”

He suddenly asked out of the blue, voice deeper than usual but his eyes were closed

You wanted to laugh it off, but you tried containing yourself as well

“You’re dreaming.”

You said as you looked away, biting your bottom lip to try and not laugh as you tried to get your hand out of his grasp

But he didn’t let go and it really made you feel weird

“Y/n, do you still like me?”

He asked again, this time his eyes opening and looking at you all droopy

You looked at him in surprise but ended up chuckling, shaking your head

“How am I supposed to react to that kind of question?”

He laughed a bit and leaned back, looking at you in a more stern from softer expression

“So?”

He asked, smirking a bit

Because of his funny antics, you couldn’t help but keep chuckling and quickly giving him a peck on the cheek

He was totally shocked, and so were you as you didn’t realize what you thought about doing actually happened

“Oh sh-“

“Shhh!”

You hushed Changkyun, putting your finger on his lips to stop him from talking as you put the other on yours

Suddenly the van door opened and Jooheon looked at both of you

“What’s going on here?”

He asked, knowing that he totally made up this plan himself and distracted everyone else at the convenience store by telling them you fell asleep and Changkyun couldn’t wake up

“None of your business, hyung.”

Changkyun suddenly pushed Jooheon slightly from the van before closing the door, making to look at him with a frown

“Why did you do that?”

“Do you want me to get jealous all over again?”

His reply made you chuckle, slowly also making him amused himself

He cleared his throat, trying to look away but couldn’t help but look at you again

“So, you like me, huh?”

“Well, you liked me first.”

“Guess we’re even now. “

“What’s taking the others so long anyway? Don’t you guys have a schedule to get to?”

“Did you check our schedule for today to see what we had?”

You shook your head and opened your phone, noticing that they didn’t even have a schedule that morning

“Wait a minute-“

“Oh, would you look at that. There’s no schedule. And promotions are about to be over, too. Say, why don’t we just loosen up a bit and well, you know, go on a date?”

“Changkyun don’t you think y-“

“How about Friday night? Or better yet, how about tonight?”

#monsta x #i.m #im changkyun #monsta x scenarios #monsta x imagines #i.m imagines #i.m scenarios #im changkyun scenarios #im changkyun imagines

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moonfairydraws · 6 years

Text

Watercolor Stars (Bucky Barnes x Jeni, Tattoo Artist!AU) (NSFW) part 1

Summary: When Bucky comes into the tattoo shop, she hope to god he wants a watercolor tattoo. Cause just admit it, you’d wanna color that perfect body for hours too.

Warnings: Smutty and a bit of my art history side comes out. Also apparently Jeni cusses in this universe.

Words: 1,207

“Oh, hey Bucky. Isn’t it your day off?” Nat looked up at him.

Clint laughed. “Steve probably called him in anyway. Am I right?”

“Actually, I kinda wanted to see Jeni.”

“You’re in luck.” Nat smiled, before shouting to the back. “Hey! You almost done with that guy?”

A familiar voice answered. “That was two hours ago. I’m eating lunch now Nat! You know that.”

“You can go back and meet her. She should be in the break room.”

“Cool.”

The first thing he noticed about the petite artist was the fact she wasn’t wearing a bra. It was kind of obvious from the back, since she was wearing one of those crazy open Pilates shirts that showed off the bare back quite nicely. The second thing that was obvious was her amazing arm tattoo, what looked like the outline of a woman, but filled to the brim with stars and planets, which fit perfectly with her purple and pink combo hair. Although, to Bucky, the cutest part was her brunette roots, although the other tattoos he could see were good contenders.

He smiled at one of Steve’s tattoos on her inner thigh as she turned around, a vintage Cap Coleman styled woman with a black domino mask and short cropped brunette hair, a gold hawk emblazoned on the figure’s red dress. He also noticed one of Nat’s intricate line work tattoos peaking out from the opposite thigh: a rainbow infinity sign.

“So what’s up?” Her voice snapped him out of his trance.

“Um....I’m thinking of getting a watercolor of that.” Bucky pointed at the logo of the shop, a shield with blue and red circles, a white star in the center. “Kinda wanted to get one like the one you did for Steve.”

“You saw the one I did for Steve?” He could see her face light up. “Honestly, it’s one of my better pieces.”

“Well, I’d like something for my chest.” Bucky took his jacket off, eliciting a wolf whistle from Nat. He glared in her direction.

“I think we need a little more privacy. The office probably.” Jeni led him into the tiny office, getting up on the desk, on her knees. The sight made Nat and Clint hold in their breath from their hiding place.

“You think that’s strong enough to hold you?”

“Please, it holds Steve. Take off your shirt.”

“Okay.” He took off the red henley, allowing Jeni to see his muscles. But what made her catch her breath was the tattoo on his arm.

“I never asked you before but, who did this?” Jeni’s reluctance was stopped by the need to examine an unknown artist’s work on his shoulder. It was a simple star, black outlined, with a robotic arm look that covered his whole arm. The line work was impressive. It was colored gray with a splash of vibrant red on the star.

“An old cell mate.” He looked sullen. “Natasha did the colors.”

“Well, it’s great work,” The look he gave her said so much. “I don’t think I would be able to top it. But...what would you think of this?” Jeni grabbed her markers from her pocket. Before Nat and Clint could stop her, she started to draw on his chest. The slight, careful movements made the pair mesmerized. “It’s not as good as Steve’s work but...”

The steel look of the rough made Bucky smile. “I love it.”

“Thanks.” She tried to hide her face with her hair. Bucky liked how it brought out the numerous freckles on her tan skin.

“No coitus in the office.” They all jerked up to see Steve in the doorway, his hand over his eyes.

“What?” Bucky’s face flushed as he saw Steve’s face. “I wouldn’t do that!”

“So, Jeni is wearing a bra?”

She threw a book of flash tattoos at Steve, although sadly it didn’t sail very far. “You idiots!”

She found herself in the office. It was obviously past closing. Did she fall asleep?

“You still here?” A smokey voice got her attention. It was Bucky.

“What are you doing here?”

“Forgot my bag.”

Bucky cooed as he traced the rainbow curves on her thigh. The chilliness of his hand made her jolt. He pulled her closer to him, kissing her collarbone. It was a venomous kiss, making her hips roll over his.

“Does that feel good?” He let his words dance over her ear. She wriggled as he started to neck her. “What about this?”

“Buc-“

”Really? Being so informal.”

“What should I call you then?”

“My full name would be nice.”

“Sergeant. James.” She moaned between each syllable. “Buchanan. Barnes.”

“Good.” He moved his attention to her breasts, which was one of the few places not covered in ink. “So inviting, I just want to...”

Jeni jolted awake to the sound of her alarm.

“Fuck.”

“You had a sex dream? About that guy?” Wanda laughed.

“Almost sex dream. My stupid alarm clock woke me up before he even took off his shirt,” Jeni whined, her head slamming against the breakfast table. “I hate waking up horny.”

“Too bad I wasn’t there.” Pietro smiled, leaning over Jeni. “I could’ve taken care of your morning cravings.”

“As good as that sounds, I like my sexual partners to last longer than two minutes.”

“And they usually wear leather, Little bro.” Wanda laughed. “Speaking of which, how is your angel doing?”

“Last I heard, the Revengers were on tour in Europe.” Jeni purred. “Opening for some band called the Guardians of the Galaxy.”

“Really? Their drummer Drax is amazing.” Pietro fanboyed, almost knocking the dishes off the table. “You think Val can get a signed poster for me?”

“You’d be better off asking Loki to kiss Bruce.” She chuckled. “Shoot, I need to get to work.”

Pietro and Wanda exchanged glances as she ran out the door.

“Wanna bet how long until she realizes he likes her back?” Wanda held up a bagel.

“It might be better to bet who confesses first.”

“I’m sorry I’m...” Jeni stared at what she saw in the studio. There was Bucky, in a destroyed Nighthawk T-shirt. It really showed off his tattoos, especially the line work she’d finished yesterday. Jeni’s mind fill immediately with images of him from last night. She could feel her cheeks warm but she tried to hide it by acting normal. “Hey.”

“Good morning.” That’s when she realized. He was behind the desk, looking through the accounts. “Ready for work?”

“Yeah. I got an appointment with a old client in an hour.”

“Guess we could have some fun before then.”

“Yeah...” Jeni pinched herself. Was she still dreaming?

“Alright, cause Steve wants us to put up a display.” The statement made Jeni sigh with relief.

“Oh, sure.” She looked down at her feet. “Um, about what Steve said yesterday.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I don’t know why he would think that.” He shuffled some papers. Jeni almost thought she saw his cheeks flush.

“That’s okay. Would you like to go out together for lunch?”

“Yeah. I’d like that.” He looked up at her. “But I’m buying.”

“Alright, I get it. Trying to be a gentleman.” Jeni chuckled, her embarrassment gone. “But I get to pay the next time.”

“Deal.”

@sweetievalencia @fandom-hoe101 @spiderzenslaya @agentmalfoy24601 @kxrtswagnertrash @step-into-my-office @libsybum @panicnowandrun @honey-im-no-angel @madelyne-pryor @saintpyro @arfrona-and-marvel @totheendofthelinepal @marvelfanfichq @full-time-fangirling @that-sokovian-bastard @ourpeachskies @fanfic-haven @thatbandchick39

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel oc #marvel universe imagine #winter soldier smut #Winter Solider #Winter Soldier #winter soldier imagine #tattoo shop au

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misterrightscenarios · 6 years

Text

Flowers and a Flower Boy

Minghao is done with his best friends running circles around each other, so he sets them up for a date at the most aesthetic place he can think of: a rose garden at Ilsan Lake Park.

i’m sorry this took so long my dear T-T i kind of twisted it a lil bc i got carried away with the whole park (yo it’s so pretty???) but i hope you like this! <333 (you sound adorable btw im dying). This also concludes the flower boy date game! thank you to everyone who participated and shared a lil bit of themselves for these stories!

The hour and a half train ride from Gangnam to Ilsan gave you plenty of time to curse Minghao to the pits of hell and back. He had lured you out of the comfort of your home and into the humid late-spring air with promises of a fun-filled best friend day, complete with aesthetic pictures, and food. At no point had he mentioned that Mingyu--tall, obnoxiously good-looking, Mingyu--would be joining you.

You had been none the wiser until you’d arrived at the train station, only to be met by Minghao joking around with the very man you made a point to avoid. You took note of the fact that they were both dressed to the nines--wearing button up shirts and slacks, with each of them putting their usual unique twists to their similar outfits. It made you glad Minghao had at least been kind enough to inform you that there was a dress code for the day, so you wouldn’t feel like a shlump in comparison to the two tall males.

The greetings had been awkward, as always, with you and Mingyu avoiding each other’s gazes and Minghao sighing in exasperation as he led the way to the platform, muttering under his breath.

Now the three of you were sitting in the train, your eyes glued to the window while Minghao and Mingyu chatted away. The entire time you were cursing at Minghao in your head, glaring at the dark haired boy whenever Mingyu wasn’t looking, only to be scolded by one of the other’s reproachful looks which you knew was a sign to “behave, please.”

The trip seemed to last an eternity—even with the switching of trains you still felt trapped by Mingyu’s presence.

It wasn’t that you really held any animosity towards the brown-haired boy, after all, he was kind and funny, and almost charming to a fault. But at the end of the day, he was best friend’s with Minghao, your best friend, and the last thing you wanted to was to complicate or strain their friendship.

Given that, it was easier to pretend you disliked Mingyu—to try to find flaws in all of his actions and vehemently refuse any feelings of attachment. Mingyu, on the other hand, had never done the same to you; his smiles remained kind, he still tried to include you in conversations, but it all ended in him being shot down time and time again.

You’d never bothered to ask Minghao about the situation, because you knew how highly he valued his friendships. You knew he would hold a grudge against anyone that ever dared to mess with those for him. It kept you quiet, and kept you pretending you simply had a disliking for Mingyu.

Still, try as you might, you couldn’t fully ignore him. His laughter often echoed in any space he occupied, his voice soothing in its own muted quality. It reminded you of everything warm and made you desperate to drop your pretense so that you could be the one to hear every word he spoke.

Instead you settled for listening in, keeping your face as blank as you could manage and hoping Minghao would keep him talking.

It was around midday when the three of you finally arrived at Ilsan, with Minghao still being quiet as a mouse about your destination.

It was only a short walk from the station, but you should’ve guessed where you were heading, given that Minghao had been bugging you to go for weeks now. He’d dragged you all to Ilsan Lake Park for the international flower festival, and you couldn’t but feel the excitement bubbling. Despite the fact that you were upset with Minghao, you were at least glad he hadn’t lied to you about the reasons you should come out on such a pretty day.

The three of you set out towards the grounds, with you walking slightly ahead of the two friends to look at vendors and what their stalls had to offer. You could already hear the shutter of Minghao’s camera going off, so you were a little more mindful of the way you were holding yourself.

About half an hour later, while you grabbed some food from a vendor, Minghao started shuffling, sighing every other second. You could feel his eyes going back and forth between you and Mingyu, but you studiously ignored him, chatting away with the vendor instead.

“Oh, look, an artist!” Both you and Mingyu turned to look at Minghao, who was slowly stepping away. His mouth was twitching in a way in you knew meant he was trying to bite back laughter, and you instantly turned suspicious.

“Wait, lets get food then we can all go,” Mingyu told him, sounding a little exasperated with the other male.

Minghao grinned now, “nah, I think you two could use some...bonding time. I’ll go off on my own. I’ll meet you back at the entrance at six?” He was full on stepping back now, weaving between bodies of tourists. You stared at him in chagrin, your eyes promising payback if he really left you alone with Mingyu.

“Hao?”

“Enjoy your date!” He said, waving with one of his signature giggles, disappearing into the crowd.

You were left to gape after him, completely in disbelief that your best friend could just abandon you when, as far as he was concerned, you and Mingyu were as good as strangers.

Next to you, Mingyu seemed just as frozen, broken sounds of protest coming from him. Once you gathered enough ire, you huffed, looking at him but refusing to meet his eyes. “Let’s go find him.” Your voice was hard, and you were ready to find the Chinese boy and drag him back to Gangnam by his ear.

Mingyu’s warm hand wrapping around your wrist stopped you, and you opened your mouth to protest, but were too caught off guard by his expression. It was a mix between hesitation and hopefulness, strangely reminding you of a puppy.

“What are you doing?” You asked cautiously, looking at his hand. Mingyu dropped his hold immediately, folding his arms behind his back and pursing his lips while he found his words.

“Well...he’s not wrong. I don’t know what I did to make you dislike me, but…I don’t think the same of you. Maybe if we spent some time together, you might find I’m not that awful?” His words were chosen carefully, you could tell, but there was still an underlying tone of hope.

You sighed, glaring at the spot off to the side of Mingyu at your dilemma. You didn’t want to call yourself out, but the guilt was eating at you now. Mingyu really hadn’t done anything wrong, per say, and it did seem extremely rude to continue acting the way you had. Then again, you really didn’t want to end up liking spending time with him so much that you forgot why you weren’t allowing yourself to act on your infatuation.

In the end, your guilt won, making your shoulders droop. “Listen, it’s not that I particularly dislike you.” You started, hesitating when you saw Mingyu tilt his head in question. “I just…”

You bit back a groan of frustration and missed to yourself. “Alright, fine, let’s leave Hao to fend for himself. I hope he gets lost.” You grumbled, starting to move away from the vendor.

Mingyu laughed a little, catching up to you in a few easy strides. He seemed a little more relaxed now, his hands tucked into the pockets of his slacks. “He’s probably off to be a pretentious little prick,” he jabbed, but you could hear the genuine affection behind his words. It made your guard come down a little, and you couldn’t quite hide the small little laugh at his joke.

Mingyu was looking forward, but he was hiding his own smile too, it seemed.

Slowly, as you both walked along the path, you felt yourself giving in more and more into Mingyu’s soft personality, letting his laughter coax out your own and his soft brown eyes lure you into speaking in tangents.

You learned more about Mingyu than you’d ever thought you would: how he loved to take photos, how he adored his little dog, how well he got along with Minghao, and how much he’d like to have a fashion line of his own one day. In turn, you spilled just as much about yourself, letting him know of your love for art, how you also enjoyed fashion and photography.

The two of you walked off to the flower exhibitions later, your arms brushing now as you continued to question each other; it was around this time that it started to dawn on you that you were becoming helpless to your infatuation towards Mingyu, and that maybe you should start considering the possibility that Minghao left the two of you alone for that very same reason.

“Hey, stand right there,” Mingyu was pushing you gently by your shoulders towards a large arrangement of flowers, his grin wide. “A pretty backdrop for a pretty human.”

You tried to pretend your cheeks weren’t trying to compete with the color of the flowers behind you, and just allowed Mingyu to place you in front of the flower display. He grabbed his phone from his pocket, and you stepped forward with a frown.

“Shouldn’t I give you my phone instead?” You asked him, brows furrowing.

Mingyu grinned again, his eyes sparkling. “it’s okay, I want to remember this too.” He said, ducking his head for a moment and pursing his lips nervously. “Our first date.” He added, so low you almost thought you’d misheard him.

His hopeful wide eyes and tentative smile, however, told you it wasn’t your ears playing tricks on you and you could only duck your head, trying to come up with some sort of response.

“Is...is that okay?” he asked carefully, crouching a little to get your eyes to meet his, and only then straightening back up to his full height.

Your breath hitched a little, and losing yourself in the chocolate brown of his eyes and the pretty curve to his lips, you nodded your response. You swore you had never seen such a bright smile from the man in front of you for the entire time you’d known him, and you wondered if you hadn’t been as concerned with your friendship with Minghao, as you had been with the idea of Mingyu not reciprocating the interest.

The rest of the day ended up being a blur of pictures, eating food and trying to learn as much as you could about each other. At some point, Mingyu even bought you a flower crown, gently placing it atop of your head and letting you know he’d buy himself one too if it made you embarrassed to walk around with it.

(In the end, he bought one too, because you insisted that your pictures would come out much more aesthetic if you were both wearing flower crowns.)

When the sun was finally setting, the both of you ran into Minghao, whose arms were laden with bags of trinkets, and whose grin was smug when his eyes locked onto your arm tucked into Mingyu’s elbow.

“Had fun, did we?” he teased, tilting his head cockily.

You glared a little, but there was no venom behind it. Instead you were grateful to your best friend, for throwing you to the sharks this one time. “So did you, I see.” You teased back, raising an eyebrow at his bags.

Minghao shrugged, eyes sparkling even in the semi-darkness. “Yes I did. Now let’s go get food before I die.”

Both you and Mingyu shared a look, a playfully exasperated grin, and the three of you went off again, this time with your heart feeling much light than it had in the morning, all thanks to the man who looked at you as you walked and threw you a cheesy grin, and a playful wink.

#mingyu #mingyu scenarios #mingyu imagines #mingyu drabbles #seventeen #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen drabbles #flower boy date game

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