#im so good at this whole studying thing when i put effort in wow

[vtoriacore-rbs]

pov: your passion for writing is dying out bc of unknown forces and you dk why but want to keep writing but when you force it it's HORRIBLE so you can only write 2 masterpieces per year and then sit there mad and upset that you want to write but your brain doesn't want you to and it won't explain WHY living getting boring without writing :( i did finish those two essays tho those were fun writing pieces but i wanna do creative not historical im gonna go cry in the shower and then hopefully won't come out ever again so i can be in the void until i get my writing motivation back again and come back a changed person maybe. smh living stop being boring challenge fr 🤦🤦🤦

[hyuckssunchip]

Reputation

Pairings: Johnny x Reader, ft. nct 127

Words: 4.3K

Warnings: Language (there is almost always language in my writings), angst, some fluff

Request:  Angst 42 and 48 ➵ “You promised.” “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t leave.” / @jungcherie​

(im so sorry i took so long.... i turned a drabble into a story... oops)​

Johnny Suh had a reputation that was unmatched.

There was no other way to put it.

And a reputation like his left trails of tears.

A pool of tears that you were currently drowning in.

It was obvious Johnny was dangerous, perhaps that’s why you were drawn to him. While every single one of your instincts had you fighting and rejecting him, you were desperate for him all the more.

It was March 13th that you lost your first will.

“Y/N, right?”

You turned around to find a familiar face towering over you.

“Yeah.” 

It was that stupid smile that had you. 

“Hey, we have have Communications together. I was wondering if you wanted to do that project together?” He scratched the back of his neck like he was embarrassed. “I just know that you’re insanely smart so... Sorry, wait, that sounds like I’m just talking to you for your grades.”

You giggled nervously, a habit that you did when you were uncomfortable.

“Look, I just... do you? You know, wanna do the project together? I mean, I’m a pretty smooth talker so I can do the presentation. I get good grades too...”

Stupid smile.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. There’s actually a little party at my frat tonight, you maybe wanna come? Get to know each other before we drown in work?” 

Fucking stupid smile.

“Yeah. I’d like that.” You blushed at the idea, cursing at yourself for being so obvious. 

Parties weren’t really your thing. 

But at the time Johnny Suh was.

Your ears were pounding because of the insanely loud level the music was at. You were actually shocked that no one had called the cops with a noise complaint, but the fact that they were on frat row made more sense.

“Y/N. You made it.” A arm was flung over your shoulder and, thankfully the lights were both dim and flashing enough that he couldn’t see the way that you blushed at the action.

“Yeah. Is it always this loud?” You asked, still not so comfortable with the atmosphere.

“What?” Johnny yelled, pointing at his ear, indicating that he couldn’t hear you. Of course he fucking couldn’t. Then he jerked his thumb to the right, nodding at the backyard, which was seemingly empty.

With his hand placed on your back, he guided you outside, your head already thanking him from the escape of noise pollution. It was far better outside of the house.

The two of you collapsed onto the swinging chair, sighing as you cleared your head.

“So parties aren’t really your thing?” Johnny leaned closer, noting the look of relief that you had donned the moment you exited.

“It’s not that I hate them... I’m just not a fan. I mean a bunch of sweaty, horny drunk people grinding on each other. I just like smaller things.” You explained, staring up at the dark sky, shivering slightly at the cool breeze.

“You didn’t have to come.” Johnny suddenly looked guilty, “I didn’t mean to force you into coming, I just... thought I’d invite you.”

You quickly backtracked, “No, you didn’t force me. If I didn’t want to come, I wouldn’t have.” You ignored the voice in the back of your head that begged to differ.

“Right.” He grinned, as if he could read your mind. “You’re not great at lying, but I’m gonna pretend that I believe you.”

You felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

“Were you playing beer pong?” You asked suddenly, causing him to look at you in confusion.

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

You laughed, looking away from him, “You have quite the reputation Mr. Suh, even someone like me knows the extent of your skills.”

Johnny smirked, liking how easy you were making it for him. “Is that so? Is that the only skill of mine you’ve heard about?”

You raised your eyebrows, hating the turn that your mind took. “W-what kind of other skills did you have in mind?” You stuttered out.

Suddenly it felt like you were caged in, his arms tense around your frame, causing you to lean back against the back of the swing.

“Tell me what you’ve heard.” 

You averted your eyes, unable to take his heavy gaze. His eyes had turned dark, full of lust, and you tried desperately to forget the effect they were having on you.

As if sensing how uncomfortable you were getting, he backed off, dusting off some invisible dirt on his shoulder. He cocked his head to the side with a sly smile, happy with a new challenge. 

Things weren’t going to be as easy as he thought they were, but that’s what made it fun.

“No that’s so stupid. Are you kidding me? Robin could absolutely never beat Batman. Is that even a question?” Your hands were waving animately, far too much for an argument about fictional superheroes.

“Sure. I’m just saying that Robin could totally catch him off guard, like out of the blue, you know.” Johnny slurped on his drink shrugging his shoulders like he didn’t care. 

“No. Absolutely not. First of all Robin doesn’t have the guts to do something like that and second of all Robin doesn’t have any powers. How on Earth would he beat him?”

“Umm... Batman doesn’t have powers either.” He made a duh face at you, which you chose to ignore.

“Yeah, well he’s got money, and that’s basically a super power.”

“Let’s be real, Batman isn’t even really a real superhero. He’s just a hero. Period.” 

You huffed, rolling your eyes at the argument. “That’s a whole different story.”

“I’m just saying.” He sang back teasingly.

“And I’m just saying that this is stupid. How did we even get here?” You laughed, trying to remember how this conversation came about.

“Uh, you made the bold choice of saying that the Batman vs. Superman movie was shit. Very controversial by the way.” He frowned at the memory.

You let your bag fall heavily on the library table, earning you a few glares as studying students dug into their books.

You sent an apologetic look before sliding into your seat. “Let’s just get this presentation done. Our presentation date is the 23rd and I don’t even have a clue of what to write it on.”

“Well the topic is influencers that change your life. Do you have anyone in mind?”He asked, flipping through his notebook, which didn’t really have anything but drawings in them.

“Not really, is there anyone for you? I mean influencer is kind of vague isn’t it? We could pick like an athlete too, or a musician. Those are technically influencers right?”

He nodded, resting his chin on his hand. “Yeah. Influencers don’t even have to be famous do they? Like they can just be someone in your life that made a huge impact on you. Like your parents or something.”

“Yeah, I guess. But that’s kind of hard when you’re working in groups. Like you’re not gonna want to talk about my grandma, you know. Like you don’t even know her. It’s probably just easier to use a famous icon.”

“Okay, so who?” He leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling like it would give him inspiration. 

“Hmmm... maybe we could do someone like Michael Jackson. Like he may not have affected us personally, but he affected the way that the music and performance was seen afterwards. That’s influential and life changing right?”

“I guess.” He cocked his head, “We could at least start with brainstorming ideas for him and then if we feel like it’s not working we can change it.”

“Cool. I guess we can start with that then.”

And you did. You spent every afternoon for the next week and half with each other in the library, and a little more outside of it.

“That one’s the big dipper.” 

You grinned following his finger, but had more difficulty finding exactly what he saw. 

“How do you know it’s not the little dipper?” You teased, squinting in to the dark, the scattered stars really just looking like paint splatters to you.

“Because that’s the little dipper.” He laughed, moving his index finger slightly to the right.

“Oh.” 

Johnny leaned back into your space, smiling at you look of concentration quickly falling as you gave up.

“Where’s the North Star?” You asked turning to face him, but sucking in a harsh breath when you found your nose just centimeters from his. 

Johnny lowered his voice, whispering and pointing without even turning away, “Right there, it’s the tail of the little dipper.”

It took more effort than you thought to pull away, eyes searching for it.

He leaned back, resting his body weight on his hands. “See it? It’s the brightest one.”

“No,” You pouted scooting forward, as if that would help you see it. “Oh, wait! I see it!”

Johnny couldn’t stop himself from grinning as he saw your face light up.

“Wow.” Suddenly your tone turned more mellow, still in awe. “I’ve always wanted to find the North Star.”

Johnny’s chest rumbled with laughter. “Why?”

“Well you know. They say if you get lost, just follow the North Star home.” You turned to face him, eyes sparkling with excitement, but the sound of your voice had gone quiet, almost somber. The smile on your face faded into a sad smile as you all but whispered your next words. “Now I can go home.”

Johnny frowned next to you, not liking the sudden turn in mood. He sat up, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and pulling you against his chest.

“What makes you think that you’re not home right now?” He mumbled on the top of your head, staring straight out in the dark.

“I don’t know. I can just feel it, you know? Like I’m just constantly uneasy.” You sighed, digging your face into his jacket. “I think I’ll be able to tell when I get there.”

There was something in Johnny’s chest that suddenly ached, and he felt a sharp drop in his stomach at the thought.

“Maybe you’ll only ever know once you’ve left home.” He muttered, “Then you’ll know that this is actually what it feels like, and it’s so much worse when you leave.”

You stilled against him for a moment before relaxing, mulling over the thought. “That’s so sad though. Why do we only know we’re happy once we’re sad?”

Johnny shook his head slowly. “I don’t know. Why does God make us hurt to only to help us heal?”

The sound of the wind passing through trees was the only thing that comforted you at the thought.

“I don’t want to have to heal, I don’t want to hurt in the first place.” You whisper out, feeling the most vulnerable you had in a long time.

“I’ll never hurt you.” He rubbed at your arms soothingly, feeling a lump in the back of his throat, but he pushed it away not liking the unfamiliar feeling.

“Promise?”

“Of course.”

You let your eyes fall, enjoying just the silence and comfort of each other’s arms and minds.

You woke up wrapped in Johnny’s arms, although it was an unfamiliar feeling you welcomed it with open arms. 

Lost in your thoughts for the time being you were suddenly reminded of the conversation you had a couple nights ago. 

Was this home?

You had never felt so safe before and it scared you. But you weren’t one to run.

“Good morning.” Johnny mumbled out beside you, his morning voice raspy to the ear.

“Morning.” You whispered back, letting his arm flop over your waist.

“Do you like pancakes?” He asked, letting his eyes fall close again.

“Pancakes?” 

“Yeah. Taeyong makes some bomb ass pancakes.” 

You giggled, “Yeah, I like pancakes. Especially bomb ass pancakes.”

But he didn’t move and it was only after you tapped him questioningly did he speak up. “Do you think he’ll bring them up if I yell loud enough?”

You smacked his chest. “Stop it. We should go down.”

“In a bit.” He answered, nose buried deep in the crevice of your neck.

A few minutes later you heard the clinking of kitchen tools from downstairs and you stirred. “Johnny?”

“Hmmm...”

“Johnny. Let’s go.”

“Five more minutes.” He mumbled, but he let you out of his grasp anyways.  

“Fine. I’ll meet you downstairs.” You paused as you passed by the mirror, eyes tracing over the marks on your neck that Johnny had left the night before. You blushed, realizing that you didn’t have anything to cover it up with, but quickly moved on, attempting to find your shorts that were discarded in the frenzy of last night.

“Check under the desk.” Johnny said, sitting up and watching you.

Sure enough that’s where they were, although you weren’t really sure how they managed to get there. 

You shrugged on the last of your clothes, turning to find Johnny doing the same. It took him less than three steps to get to you, landing a soft kiss on the top of your head. 

“Let’s go.”

Taeyong was undoubtedly the closest of Johnny’s frat brothers to you. He had this really calming and sweet aura about him that just made you want to be friends. 

“Good morning Y/N. Blueberry or chocolate?” He asked grinning as he took his eyes off the pan for a second. 

“Blueberry please.” You slid onto the bar across from him. “Do you need any help?”

Johnny rubbed your lower back comfortingly, “No, you don’t want to get in his way. That’s when he loses his temper.” He whispered the last bit to you, but Taeyong obviously heard it, sending a sharp glare at him.

“Only when there are incompetent people in my kitchen.” Taeyong muttered back.

Johnny ignored the comment, shaking his head at you, “I’ll have chocolate.”

“You’ll get what you get.” Taeyong piped at him, still not over Johnny’s teasing, who grinned in response. 

Both of them knew that Johnny was getting chocolate, Taeyong was really bad at being mean.

“Where’s the others?” Johnny asked, sipping on a cup of coffee.

“At school, as they should be because they are college students.” Taeyong answered, sliding a plate towards you. “Enjoy.”

You thanked him and bit into a piece, almost moaning at the taste. “Damn, Johnny told me they were good but I didn’t think it would be this good.”

Johnny swiped a piece from your plate. “What are you talking about? I told you he made bomb ass pancakes.” 

Taeyong slid a plate towards Johnny.

His grin widened. “Thank you. You’re my favorite Taeyong ever.”

“I’m the only Taeyong you know.” He put his hands on his hips. “I should be the favorite.”

Johnny sent a wink in his direction before stabbing a piece. 

“So I was thinking, that little bakery next to the park, do you wanna go? They just opened and I’ve been dying to try it.” Johnny asked around a mouthful of pancake.

“Yeah, sure. That sounds good.” You felt your stomach flutter, you were sure whether it was the pancakes or Johnny, but you had a pretty good guess. 

“Sweet, we can swing by your place first if you want to get a change of clothes or something.” 

You nodded, “Yeah, sounds good.”

“I’m glad that sounds good.” He teased you with a smile.

“Sorry, but it just sounds good. What else do you want me to say?” You pushed back, opting to add another piece into your mouth.

“I don’t know, maybe-”

“Okay, sorry to interrupt your little flirt fest, but can you start that after I leave?” Taeyong asked, making a few pancakes for himself.

“Sorry.” You giggled, sending him a genuine apologetic look.

“I’m not sorry.” Johnny said, shrugging.

You smacked him lightly.

“I’ll take away pancake privileges for a month.” Taeyong quipped, focusing on flipping the pancake.

“Sorry.” Johnny mumbled out under his breath, not one to admit defeat easily.

You laughed at the sight of a pouty Johnny, enjoying the view for the time being.

Waiting for Johnny had become a routine, but honestly you didn’t really mind it. Hanging out on the couch, you had met and befriended quite a few of his frat brothers. 

Currently you were sprawled out on the couch with Jungwoo, who was retelling a very interesting story about his trip to the grocery store last week that involved a cereal box and a banana. Although it was a bit of a reach, you nodded and smiled at the right times, not really following the order of events, or really the importance of them.

“What does the fact that you were wearing- and I quote - ‘an incredibly sick pair of joggers’ have anything to do with your story?” You asked, tilting your head in teasing confusion.

“Oh, it doesn’t. I just thought you should know.” He replied matter-of-factly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Right. And I’m so better off now that I know.” You taunted him, voice dripping in sarcasm.

Jungwoo shot you an annoyed, and yet hurt look, before finishing his story. “And that’s how Johnny found out he was allergic to shellfish.”

“Okay. What the fuck? I’m literally so confused.” You cut him off before he could recount his story again. “I don’t really need to hear it again though. Thanks.”

He whined before laying his legs over yours, giving up.

For a few moments, things were quiet as you checked the time. It had already been thirty minutes, where was he?

You rolled your head to the side, finally focusing on the whiteboard that had what scribbles of writing over it. 

“What’s the tally for?” You asked, scrunching your nose at the whiteboard that was situated on the far wall of the room.

“Hmmm? The tally?” Jungwoo glanced around looking slightly nervous which had you even more curious. “It’s just a game.”

“Game? What game?” You laughed turning back to see the strikes adorning the board. “It looks like Johnny’s winning.”

“Uhh...” Again with the nervous glances.

You giggled, “You’re losing, aren’t you?” The spot under his name had the fewest tallies and you figured that’s why he was being so shy about it.

Jaehyun entered the room, seemingly in a very important conversation by the way that he was speaking animatedly.

“The game’s over on Friday and Johnny’s gonna win.” 

“That’s so stupid. He hasn’t bagged any since Y/N, how is he still gonna win?” Yuta complained all but scowling at the floor, neither of them had yet to notice your presence.

You frowned at the mention of your name, not liking the term ‘bagging’ to be in such close proximity with your name.

“Oh, Mark has a new strike, looks like he finally got Claire into bed.” Yuta continued snorting, “Took him long enough.”

“Wait, what the fuck? How the hell did Taeyong get two strikes?” Jaehyun, squinted at the board.

Yuta snorted, “He had a threesome last night. Can you believe it? This close to the end? It’s like he’s actually trying to compete now.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” You muttered, effectively catching their attention.

“Y/N.” Jaehyun breathed out, eyes wide and darting between you and Jungwoo who was obviously trying to get them to stop talking. “Hey... what’s up? When did you get here?”

“Ummm.... no. What the fuck is going on?”

“What do you mean?” Jaehyun cocked his head, doing his best to pretend like he wasn’t panicking.

“No, I don’t want your bullshit. Just tell me what this game is.” You were using anger to hide your fear. You could feel the pounding of your heart in your head, a throbbing sensation that gave way to a sinking feeling of realization. 

At that moment, when his eyes finally met yours. Not Jaehyun’s, not Yuta’s, but Johnny’s as he walked in the room with that fucking stupid smile you felt your last will got out the window. It was at that moment that everything came crashing down. 

“Y/N, please can’t we just talk?” Johnny chased after you, begging you to turn around.

“You promised.”

Johnny’s heart dropped at your words, and his chest started closing in in fear. The burning feeling in his throat had him choking, panicking in belated realization.

It wasn’t just the words that you said, it was the way that you said it. So defeated, so broken. So betrayed.

“You promised that you wouldn’t hurt me. Do you remember that? Did you even mean that?” You felt the tears brimming, and you fought the best you could to keep them down. But your wobbling voice let him know.

“Of course I meant it.” He answered breathlessly. “You know me, I don’t say things that I don’t mean.”

“Do I? Do I know you?” You huffed out. “Because I really thought you were someone different.”

“No, I- I’m still me. I’m still Johnny. I just...”

“You just what? You just lied about our entire relationship? If it was even that, because I was just another tally to you wasn’t I? Just another tally on a stupid whiteboard for a stupid game.” 

You choked back the tears that were burning in your throat, not bothering to wipe at the ones that managed to escape.

“You know what hurts the most? I actually thought you liked me. I actually thought that you meant all those things that you said to me.”

“I did mean it. I meant every single word, and I still do. Nothing was a lie, my feelings were real. Please just listen to me, I can explain.” He stepped closer, but you took a step back, keeping the distance.

“Explain what? I already heard everything for myself. What are you gonna say, that Jaehyun and Yuta were lying? Hmmm? That it wasn’t a game? That that’s not the reason that you approached me?”

“I...” He couldn’t find any words, because you were right. Every single word that you said was right. He struggled to catch his breath, panicking. “Please don’t leave me.”

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t leave.”

“I love you. I need you. I can’t- I can’t imagine life without you.”

“That’s not enough.” You clenched your jaw, face going slack. It was as if you were losing the will to even be heartbroken over this.

“Please, I-I’ll do anything, what do you want me to do?” He begged, eye brows nearly touching as they furrowed.

“I don’t want anything from you, just stay away from me.” You mumbled out, avoiding his eyes.

“Baby, please.”

“Don’t fucking call me that, I’m not yours, I never was.” You snapped at him, backing away.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled under his breath and he wasn’t sure if it was meant for you or himself.

“So I’m kinda going rogue here. I know you already hate me, but try not to hate me anymore than you already do.”

Johnny didn’t look anywhere except for you.

The professor seemed to humor him, allowing one of his favorite students to continue with an amused smile on his face.

You on the other hand did not. 

You stared at Johnny with a straight face, trying your best to not look flustered.

“The whole point of this assignment was to find someone that changed our lives. But my partner and I struggled to find someone. It’s not that we didn’t have great people around us, its not even that we don’t have people that we admired. It was because no one we came up with really seemed genuine to us. But I found someone. I finally found someone that I could trust, that I let in. But I did something really stupid and fucked it up- excuse my language.”

You watched him stand behind the podium, looking smaller than he ever did.

“You know, before I met you I didn’t think that my life needed changing. I thought I was doing just fine. But then I realized that I wasn’t. I was struggling to even feel normal, to feel like I was living for something. Y/N you helped me find home. Remember when I said that you only understand that you were already home until you lose it? Well I feel it now. And it feels like shit.”

You sucked in a sharp breath, a feeling in the back of your throat burning.

“Y/N. You’re the person who changed my life. And I don’t even deserve that. But I’m here, standing in front of you like a fool because I’m whining about losing the best thing that ever happened to me.” 

For a moment you thought he was done, because the silence was deafening.

“Even if you sill hate me after this, I want you to know that you mean more to me than anything else. You are the person that changed my life. You are my person, and I want so badly to be yours.”

There was a beat of silence as he ended abruptly, taking a seat on the other side of the room, eyes still locked on you.

Your professor stood up with a clap. “Well, thank you Johnny for that... interesting presentation.” A wide smile was still on his face despite his word choice. “I guess we should end on that then. Second batch of presentations is on Friday, please be prepared.”

The students of your class stood, shuffling out the exit, voices murmuring to each other. 

You sat on the bench outside your lecture hall, watching as Johnny made his way nervously to you.

“You’re an idiot.” You told him as he approached you, bottom lip wobbling against your will. Eventually you broke. “But you’re my idiot.”

Johnny felt a drop of relief in his stomach as he felt like his heart would burst.

“You’ve totally botched our presentation by the way. If we fail it it’s on you.” You shoved him away teasingly.

Johnny grinned, throwing his arm over your shoulder. 

“Yeah? Well, I think we did better than you think. I think that things are gonna turn out just fine.”

(sorry, i was supposed to write a full angst, but i couldn’t help myself.)

© Copyright 2021. hyuckssunchip. All rights reserved.

[poutyyybangtan]

ready or not - j.jk

genre: friends to lovers, enemy to lovers, (almost a slow burn?), a mix of everything lol  character pairing: jeon jungkook 9bts) x female oc warnings: not really any lol just angsty fluff kinda stuff word count: 5.4k (it’s alot) authors note: i wrote this months ago and it’s not finished but i can finish it if yall want? let me know :)

______

(prompts from @im-here-to-help-you-all-write​)

“i think the longer you look at it, the worse it gets.” “yeah, kinda like your face.”

“i need your help.” “holy shit, i never thought i’d hear you say that.’ “please don’t rub it in right now.”

“i don’t feel like i’m ready for this yet” “you’re going to have to be, because we’re out of time.”

you can’t believe you actually had to do this. the last person you ever wanted to look at was your only shot at getting out of the situation you brought upon yourself. you had originally counted on one of your other friends to help you out, but of course, life never seemed to work out the way you wanted it to. 

“jin, please. can’t you just cancel and come with me?” you begged, watching as your older companion continued to chop away at some vegetables. 

“you know i would love to help bamboozle your family with my impeccable acting skills, but unfortunately, i do have a business to run. this weekend is a big deal for the restaurant and joon would kill me if i left him alone to handle such a thing. and besides, we all know joon can’t toast bread without having to call the fire department first,” jin laughs. you laugh softly, knowing jin had a point. poor namjoon had amazing business skills, but unfortunately that means he lacks in the cooking department. 

“i guess you’re right,” you mumble begrudgingly. 

“why not ask jimin if he can go?” jin asks, sliding the chopped vegetables into a pot.

“my mom knows him, she’ll know something isn’t right. and besides, he and hobi are going to a dance camp for school,” you shrug.

“and tae? yoongi?” jin asks.

“he’s got that test retake for his photography class and yoongs has an audition for an entertainment company in gangnam,” you sigh. you’re really proud of all your friends and the successes they have, but you really wished they could’ve helped you in your time of need. but you couldn’t be that selfish, so maybe you had to admit defeat. 

“you know, you could just ask jungkook,” jin asks nonchalantly. 

“you know i can’t do that,” you answer bluntly, refusing to even entertain the idea.

“i mean, you could,” jin laughs, putting the lid on the pot and onto the stove top, turning to you afterwards.

“jin, you know i can’t. he is the last person on earth i would ask to help me. i would rather die of embarrassment than to ask him for his help,” you dramatically claim.

“you just might if you don’t ask. besides, what's the big deal? it’s only for a weekend,” jin shrugs.

“yeah, a whole weekend of him pretending to be my boyfriend. jin, we can barely tolerate each other as is, having us cooped up together and pretending like we actually like each other is a whole other ball game,” you said.

“well, here’s the way i look at it. either you tell your mother that you don’t have a boyfriend and face embarrassment at your mother's wedding, or you can suck it up, ask jungkook nicely to do you this one favor, and have fun this weekend. you never know, jungkook might actually be up for it,” jin says, an underlying suggestive tone in his voice; one that you never caught.

you had to admit, jin was right. as painful as it was, jungkook was your only chance at escaping this nightmarish weekend. 

-

you found jungkook in his usual zone of comfort: with his lips attached to some random girl he probably barely knew. you found yourself scrunching your face in distaste. such a vulgar display in a library no less. you huffed off your second doubts and approached the table with confidence. you noticed that neither party acknowledged your presence, so you knocked on the table to gain their attention. reluctantly, the girl pulled away first to throw you a bitter look.

“jeon, can we talk?” you say softly, not trying to cause a disturbance.

“i’m kind of busy, can’t it wait?” jungkook asks, a smug look on his face, the girl sat next to him donned a complacent smile on hers.

“please, i saw you making out with some bimbo blonde yesterday, i’m sure you can find some other toy to play with when we’re done,” you smirk, watching the look on the girls face fall with every passing word that escaped your lips. she glanced over at jungkook with disgust before grabbing her belongings and walking away in a fit.

“great, well there goes my whole afternoon,” jungkook scoffs. he leans into his chair, folding his arms over his chest.

“you’ll deal. look, i need your help,” you admit, much to your dismay.

“holy shit, i never thought i’d hear you say that,” jungkook laughs ironically.

“please don’t rub it in right now,” you groan.

“how can i offer my service to you?” jungkook smirks, looking up at your obviously irritated figure.

“i need... i can’t believe i’m saying this. i need you to be my boyfriend for the weekend,” you spit out.

“you what?” jungkook asks incredulously. you don’t blame him for his confusion. what you were asking was heinous, add to the fact that you two barely tolerated each other? it was the biggest taboo situation you could’ve put yourself in. but you were desperate.

your mother, as loving as she was, was relentless. she just wanted the best for you. you were about to graduate college soon, about to get a real career and be a real adult. and to her, that meant start a family as soon as possible. and that couldn’t happen without being in a relationship first. and what better way than to hook your daughter up at a gathering for family friends? cause nothing says love like a wedding, right?

“what’s in it for me?” jungkook asks. you looked at him in disbelief.

“wait, you’re actually considering it?” you asked.

“well, you gave me a proposition, so why not?” jungkook asks. 

“uh, because we’re not necessarily friends? it’s not like you owe me anything to even consider the idea,” you chuckle.

“you might not be my friend, but that doesn’t mean i’m not yours,” jungkook shrugs, finally standing up and collecting his scattered books. you hadn’t actually noticed them before, you just thought that the library was a good place for jungkook to hook up, not an actual study zone. 

“well, uh, what do you have in mind?” you asked, answering his question finally. 

“i need a date for this work thing, and my usual hookups aren't going to cut it. they’re not exactly what you would say… modest?” jungkook jokes, causing you to laugh a little bit. 

“sound like a deal?” jungkook asks after a moment of silence passes. you pretend to consider his proposition, as if you actually had a choice. you look up at him and you can see that he saw that too.

“what kind of work thing?”

=

“where are you going?” jimin asks, watching you step out of your bedroom clad in a cocktail dress. you really would’ve rather been at your shared apartment, cuddled up next to jimin and tae watching some horror film eating greasy food, but alas, you had to uphold your end of the bargain.

“remember i told you that in order for jungkook to uphold his end, i have to uphold mine? apparently, he works at some magazine company and they’re having a company gathering to celebrate the issue's 90th anniversary and he needed me to come with,” you groan, strapping on your heels. 

“you’re going all out for this,” taehyung comments, a teasing tone hidden in his words. you looked up and glared at him, knowing what he meant.

“if i put forth 100%, maybe he will too,” you say. 

“oh, he most definitely will be putting in 100% effort,” jimin says, low enough for only taehyung to hear which makes him giggle. you look up and see jimin smirking at you which makes you groan internally. 

suddenly, the doorbell rings and you thank whatever being there is that saves you from the conversation that was happening, with or without your participation. you pull the door open and the first thing you see is jungkook, properly dressed head to toe. you notice the bow tie pressed snuggly against his neck, not a wrinkle in his suit jacket or his dress shirt. his long hair was parted down the middle, brushed out out of his eye. you hated to admit it, but he looked breathtakingly beautiful. 

“wow,” jungkook finally says, eyeing you in a way that made the blood pool in your cheeks. 

“uh, yeah. let’s- let’s go,” you murmur, noticing the boys in the living room giggling at your guys’ interaction. you shove him in his chest. he grabs your hands and laughs, pulling you out the door.

“what did i miss?” jungkook asks. you roll your eyes, noticing the way jungkook held onto your hand, even after you got further and further away from your apartment, but not minding the warmth his hand provided against your cold one. 

“trust me, nothing you want to hear, and nothing i’m willing to repeat,” you scoff.

=

jungkook was right. he had warned you beforehand that everyone at his job was stuck up and snobbish and would continuously point out that fact that you were no model. and like he had forewarned, all you heard all night was “you’re too pretty not to be a model” or “jungkook ended up with you?” you were appalled, sure, but you didn’t take their words to heart. you don’t know these people, and after tonight, you’re never going to see them again. 

but jungkook flinched every time someone opened their mouth. he felt bad for you, but when he saw you delicately handle the situation, he knew you would be fine. still, it didn’t make him feel any less bad. 

“we can leave whenever you want, you know?” jungkook whispers into your ear. you look up at him and smile.

“sounds like you’re using me as an excuse to ditch this snooze fest,” you giggle. jungkook smiles back down at you and laughs with you.

“busted,” he finally says.

“thank god, let’s ditch these runway wannabes and get some pizza. i’m starved,” you groan, looking away, missing the endearing glance he tosses your way. you both ditch the stuffy building, and headed to a late night pizza shop down the corner. you sigh in relief once you step into the restaurant, inhaling the smell of cheese and dough. you both decide to seat yourselves in a booth in the corner of the dining area.  once you both place your orders, you settle into a comfortable silence. 

“so, what caused you to conjure up this boyfriend lie?” jungkook asked after awhile. 

“my mom thinks that i need to be in a relationship to be happy since i’m getting ready to enter the real world,” you sigh, rolling your eyes and leaning into your elbows that rested on the table.

“thats stupid,” jungkook scoffs, leaning into the booth. you were caught off guard by this, expecting jungkook to somewhat agree with your mother.

“you look surprised,” he says, gauging your reaction.

“i kind of am. not gonna lie, i was expecting you to agree with her,” you say, shrugging. the waiter brings your slices and leaves you two alone, settling back into the conversation.

“no way. if you want to be single, you should. i’m sure you’re single by choice anyways,” jungkook says, picking up his pizza and taking a huge bite of it.

“what do you mean?” you ask him, slightly confused behind the intentions of his sentence. 

“i just mean that you’re insanely smart, funny and talented. and you’re extremely beautiful. if you wanted any guy, you could have him,” jungkook shrugs, munching on his pizza in peace. meanwhile, his statement sent you into a frenzy. who knew jeon jungkook thought so highly of you. you were under the impression that he dispised your entire being. he never really complimented you before, so his statement shocked you. 

“never knew you thought so highly of me,” you said, smiling to yourself. you can’t really explain it and you don’t know why, but knowing how jungkook truly felt about you made you extremely happy. 

“there’s a lot you don’t now about me,” he winks, causing you to roll your eyes and eat your pizza. and yet again, you missed the way jungkook smiled at you, enjoying your presence more than he would care to admit to. 

=

“i don’t feel like i’m ready for this yet,” you murmur, feeling your hands start to shake as you stood outside the venue. 

“you’re going to have to be, because we’re out of time,” jungkook smiles, taking hold of your hand and waltzing you two into the building. your mom had asked you to come early for a surprise so you decided to give her a surprise of your own.

“jungkook, maybe we should say you caught food poisoning and we had to leave,” you murmured as jungkook continued to drag you further and further into the building. jungkook smiled at your child-like nature and shook his head.

“we’ve come too far to give up now. let’s just rock this and get home,” he says, smiling at you. you felt a sudden urge of confidence that surges through you and gives you enough momentum to swing open the doors of the chapel hall. you were taken aback by the way the chairs are decorated with white pieces, hanging off the backs. you take notice of the pale yellow and white combo that you didn’t think would match so well. you felt happy for your mom and that she met someone who loved her so much that they were willing to do this for her to cherish the day.

“it’s beautiful,” you gape, admiring all the minute details your mother probably agonized over. jungkook admired the astonished look on your face as you practically ignored his presence to take in your surroundings. he always found you beautiful, but watching you be you while nobody was looking was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. jungkook had the biggest crush on you for as long as he could remember. and he refused to even fathom the thought of confessing to you when he knew how you felt. he knew you couldn’t stand his lifestyle, his choices that he’s made regrettably. but how else was he supposed to cope with the fact with the one person he’s allowed to steal his heart hates him. 

“ah, there you are,” a voice says from behind you two. you both turn around and you see your mom, hair curlers and full glam. 

“hi mama,” you smile, running up to her and giving her a big hug. 

“hi sweet pea,” your mama coos, swaying you both back and forth. you pull back and look behind you to see jeon smiling at the interaction. this made your heart jump for a split second before you returned back to your surroundings.

“ma, this is my boyfriend, jeon jungkook,” you smile. 

“oh my, you’re so handsome,” your mother gushes, rushing up to him and pulling him into a hug.

“thank you,” jungkook smiles, blushing slightly. you’ve never seen jeon blush before and to see him in a such a fragile state made you happy. and you couldn’t seem to figure out why. your mom finally released jeon from her clutches and she turned back to you. 

“hun, i’ve got a surprise for you. follow me,” she says, grabbing yours and jeon’s hands dragging you to what you assumed was the dressing room. there were two dresses that were covered hanging off of a clothing rack. your mom shoves you guys onto a couch and rushes over to the dresses.

“one of these beauties will be yours to wear for the wedding because… hon, will you be my maid of honor?” your mother asks, eyes full of stars that made your heart swell. you felt the air leave your lungs and your heart begin to race. you remember watching your mom struggle with love all her life, her face in a frown always. you’ve never seen your mom so happy now, and you would do anything just to see her happy. 

“ma, are you serious?” you ask, wanting to be sure this is what she really wanted. 

“of course baby,” she smiles. you jump up and hug her tightly, muttering a yes into her hair. you both squeal with delight, jumping in place like teenage girls. suddenly, another pair of arms are wrapped around you, chest pressed against your back. you managed to look up and see jungkook bouncing with you and your mom. 

“i wanted to join too,” jungkook says, his voice high pitched and filled with excitement which in response, made you giggle. you all finally stop bouncing and jungkook pulls you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you, catching you off guard. you felt your heart race and you swore his heartbeat matched yours. you brushed it off as it being the sudden activity you all had just endured.

“i’ll leave you two alone so you can try the dresses,” your mother says after she catches her breath, winking at you. 

“you’re just gonna let your daughter get undressed in front of her boyfriend alone?” you ask incredulously. 

“hon, he’s your boyfriend. i’m sure he’s seen more,” she giggles, exiting the room, leaving you with your jaw wide open. 

“can you believe this?” you ask, shocked at your mothers bold statement.

“i’ve always wondered where you get your vulgarity from,” jungkook teases, his chest causing a vibration that you felt in your back, reminding you of your close, read as nonexistent, proximity. you push yourself away and whip around to face him, catching a glimpse of him trying to fight the smile that tried its best to take place on his delicate features.

“i’m not vulgar and you’re not watching me change. however, i do need an opinion on the dresses, so i guess you can stay,” you say, walking past him to try on the dresses. you snatch both of them of the rack and head into the bathroom, changing into dress number one. 

at first you thought it was a joke, the frills and exotic colors making your eyes hurt from how loud it was. you tried it on anyway, and you couldn’t believe how ridiculous you looked. no way your mother was being serious when she picked this dress out. you unlocked the bathroom door and stopped your way to where jungkook was sitting on the couch, playing on his phone. you clear your throat to capture his attention and you nearly explode with the laughter with the way his eyes widen and face drops.

“what do you think?” you ask him, twirling around in the godforsaken dress you know your mother probably bought as a joke. 

“i think the longer you look at it, the worse it gets,” jungkook says, a dumbfounded look on his face. you withhold your laughter and stare at him in distaste.

“yeah like your face,” you scoff, playing with the dress as if you actually admired it. 

“are you gonna wear that?” he asks, secretly hoping you’d say no so he could release a breathe he didn’t know he was holding. 

“well, i like it, don’t you?” you say, continuing to pretend like you actually were considering wearing this deafening dress. 

“uh.. if you like it then… sure,” jungkook says, shifting in his seat. you admired the fact that he was trying to cater to your feelings and for some reason it made your heart race at the thought. you don’t know whats been going on with you lately but every kind gesture has made your heart race with excitement. you didn’t know when it happened, but you started looking at jungkook as more and it scared you. you couldn’t be with him. you knew that. jungkook had a reputation, and he was proud of it. he was proud of the amount of women he could pull in one night. hell, in one hour. he was used to the idea that feelings were a concept he wasn’t willing to understand or try out. and you had to accept that.

“i’m messing with you gukkie. my mom probably bought this as a gag, the real dress is still in its cover,” you say laughing at jungkooks face that was contorted into one of discomfort. you leave him to relish in your teasing as you retreat back to the bathroom to change into the actual dress. you could still hear jungkook laugh to himself as you unzipped the dress to change into the other one. little did you know, he was laughing to himself about the nickname you gave him. he’s never had a nickname he actually enjoyed before. he was still lost in the thought of you calling him gukkie forever when you finally exited the bathroom.

he always thought those scenes in cheesy rom-com teen films where the guy is staring at the girl like she’s the only one that matters was cliche. but he was wrong. so very wrong. watching you in the tight floor length pale yellow dress that just made you glow knocked all the air out of his lungs. you’re hair that was in a messy ponytail allowed some pieces of hair to frame your face as you continued to fumble with the dress.

“it’s a little longer than i thought, but it fits well, yeah?” you say, still looking down at the gown. you honestly felt ridiculous. you rarely dress up like this. you hid your body underneath baggy clothing so to have something so tightly pressed against your body made you severely insecure. the silence coming from jungkook made everything worse. you looked up to see jungkook leaning forward, elbows resting on his thighs, hands holding his head up. there was a look in his eye you had never seen before and it made your stomach churn with excitement.

“that bad huh?” you joke, hoping to ease some of the tension that was building in the room. jungkook stands to his feet and approaches you, his body so close to yours you could feel the heat radiating off of his body. 

“you look beautiful,” jungkook says, smiling down at you. you feel yourself blush and begin to fumble with your fingers, a nervous tic jungkook found absolutely adorable. jungkook was helplessly in love with you, this much he knew. from the way you laughed, to the way you rolled your eyes in his presence. he loved the way you gave yourself wholly to the ones you cared about, willing and able to do any and everything for the people you love. he loved the way you strived to work hard and how incredibly intelligent you were. and suddenly, his heart was full with all the love he was dying to give you, but know he never could. because you deserved much more than some player who was willing to sleep with anything with legs. but if he could at least pretend like the love between you two was real, even if for a short while, he’ll take it. as desperate as he was, he wanted to know what it felt like to have you love him back. even if he knew it was all pretend. 

“jungkook, i can’t thank you enough for doing this. i know you would rather be in some girls bed trying to figure out a way to sneak out without her noticing, but i’m glad you’re here… with me,” you smile, hands gripping his bicep’s to keep him close. his cologne was hypnotizing, causing you to pull him closer and closer.

“there’s no place i would rather be,” jungkook said honestly, placing his hands onto your waist, allowing you to lean in. 

“you don’t mean that,” you scoff, smiling and rolling your eyes, getting ready to pull yourself back from a dangerous territory. jungkook stops this from happening, wrapping his arm around you til your pressed flush against his body. 

“you have no idea how bad i want you. all of you. mind, body and soul. but for right now, for the sake of our friendship and the momentum its growing, i will take you in whatever way you will allow me to have,” jungkooks says, forehead pressed against yours as he wills himself to hold back from pressing his lips against yours and taking you on the small couch in the dressing room. the words jungkook spoke so honestly made you shake from it’s intensity. 

“jungkook i--” 

“how’d the dress fit?” you mother asks, barging into the room. you and jungkook scramble apart from one another, him taking seat on the couch and you standing in front of him. you mother misses the way you two seemed highly unfocused and nervous as she coos over how adorable you look in the right dress. 

“you need to finish getting your hair and makeup done, so scooch along so me and your beautiful boyfriend can get to know each other,” your mother says shoving you out of the room and directing you to where the other bridesmaids were getting their hair and makeup done. it wasn’t until you were sat in the chair that you realized.. your mother and jungkook were alone. oh boy. 

=

you never felt so girly in your life. your hair was curled and put up in a half up half down situation, your makeup light and barely noticeable, but enough to tell you were wearing it. this wasn’t you, you didn’t like wearing makeup mainly because at the end of the day you forget to take it off and causes acne. you were working part time and went to school full time so you always left your hair in a ponytail or a bun. this look was new for you and you were kind of excited yet nervous for jungkook’s reaction. 

you surprised yourself with the thought, not really caring about jungkook’s opinions before, but now it was all you could think of, and that scared you. you knew this was just a favor he was owing to you, but he was really going above and beyond and it warmed your heart. but you had to remind yourself that you were just friends, nothing more. hell, you were barely friends. had it not been for you incessant need to prove yourself to your mom, you two would’ve never even became cordial with one another. 

you brush these thoughts aside, trying to manifest positive vibes for such a joyous occasion. you leave the dressing room, filled with chatter, in search of jungkook who may be suffering your mother’s constant conversation. you return back to the room you first were in when you arrived, catching your mother exiting the room. 

“you didn’t scare him off, did you?” you tease, hugging your mom. 

“honey, you look beautiful!,” your mom gushes, taking in the sight of her daughter. you smile and thank her, happy that she was happy.

“is he still in there?” you ask, nodding towards the door she came out of. she giggled and placed her hands on your shoulder. 

“he is, and he is absolutely in love with you,” she smiles, causing you to furrow your eyebrows.

“what do you mean?” you ask, your heart starting to race. 

“the way he talks about you, the way his eyes gleam with love with the mere thought of you. hunny, this man is undoubtedly in love with you,” she smiles. you couldn’t believe what you were hearing, there was no way that jeon jungkook, the university playboy, is in love with you. you two barely conversed without an argument taking place. you doubt he knew anything about you, despite you two running in the same circles. sure, you knew a lot about him, just because your friends talked about him a lot and it was hard not to listen to sometimes. 

“you’re crazy ma. you need to finish getting ready, the weddings going to start soon,” you laugh, trying to brush off the conversation. 

“jungkook is in there getting ready, one of robert’s groomsmen caught food poisoning so he’s gonna walk down the aisle with your cousin, sam,” she said, rushing off to get ready, leaving you no room to reply. this wasn’t what he signed up for and you felt bad, so you went into the room to check on him. you caught him standing in front of the vanity, trying to finish off his tie. you had seen jungkook dressed up before, but there was something different about this time. you felt something more for him, and honestly, you always have. but his reputation…

“looking sharp,” you smile, looking up at him. his eyes meet yours in the mirror and he smiles, and this time you see it. the love your mother was talking about.

“you look beautiful, as usual,” he says, his charm peeking through. you scoff at his comment, walking up to him. you seemed small compared to him, and it was kind of an odd sight for you. you leaned your head against his shoulder, just staring at him staring at you through the mirror. 

“something on your mind?” he asks, noticing how lost in thought you were. you focus in on him and the surroundings around you.

“my ma said something interesting earlier that’s got me thinking is all,” you say, hoping he wouldn’t press the issue much further. you didn’t want to make the air awkward or uncomfortable by trying to involve feelings, but a big part of you want to know how he feels from his own lips. 

“what did she say?” he asked, his nerves jumping. he didn’t say anything wrong did he? he tried to be as cordial and respectful as possible, wanting your mother to like him. if things were to happen in the future, he didn’t want to be on bad terms with your mother. 

“she said… she said that you love me?” you murmur, you heart caught in your throat now that the truth was out there and you can’t take it back. jungkook froze, caught off guard by your confession. he wanted to play it off like it wasn’t true, that your mother was delusional. but he knew the truth. and he knew that you also knew it too. he wanted you. he’s always wanted you. and now, he’s presented with the opportunity to have you in any way he wants and he can’t make the move to move forward.

“is it true?” you ask, trying to get a clear and concise answer. you’re not sure what’s going to happen, regardless of what his answer is, but the anxiety of not knowing is starting to kill you. you shouldn’t be forcing him to confess, but now that it was out there in the air, you couldn’t take it back. maybe you should tell him?

“if you’re not comfortable talking about it it’s o--”

“i love you,” he blurts, interrupting you. you pick your head up off of his shoulder and now you’re standing side by side, staring at him through the vanity mirror. you’re frozen, unsure of what to do now. you didn’t actually think he was going to say it. you thought your mother was pulling your leg. but she didn’t know that you two weren’t actually a couple and maybe that’s why you had hoped what she said was true. 

“did you hear me?” he asks, voice laced with nerves. he couldn’t even begin to explain the amount of fear and vulnerability he was feeling at the moment. he meant it. he loved you. but why should you believe him. he was a playboy, and though you may never understand his reasons as to why he tried so hard to escape you by sleeping with other people, he wanted nothing more for you to believe him now. 

“i did,” you whisper, afraid that the sound of your beating heart was louder than the words you spoke. you wanted him, god you wanted him, but you were scared that his words were from false bravado. a heat of the moment feeling that was fleeting. 

“i know you might not believe me, and you have every right not to. but i love you with my entire being and.. it’s scary,” he chuckles, trying to explain his emotions to the only person he’s ever been vulnerable with. 

“and like i told you earlier, for the sake of us finally gaining friendship, i will play it to your pace and whenever you’re ready, let me know. because i’ll be here,” he smiles. he turns to you, leaning down and placing a gentle kiss to your cheek before walking out of the room, leaving you confused as to what the hell just happened.

_______

an: part two? let me know :)

[prettywordsyouleft]

New Variables

Pairing: Im Changkyun x female reader

Genre: neighbour au / fluff

Warnings: Y/N treats an injury but it is not talked about in detail. And yes, I’ve made Changkyun a scientist yet again… I really need to stop being inspired to write stories like this >_>

Word count: 884

The knock on your front door was incessant and urgent. Dropping your sandwich mid-bite, you leapt from your chair, dashing over to see what the problem was this time.

You already knew who it would be.

Changkyun stood there cradling his right arm to his chest, and you groaned heavily when you took in his disarray. “Again?!”

“I was too close to figuring out the right balance to stop,” he mumbled as you ushered him inside.

“What have I told you about bringing your work home, Changkyun?” you chided as you followed him into your bathroom, your neighbour knowing the layout to your home all too well. He sat down on the ledge of your bathtub and pouted up at you. You shook your head adamantly. “No way. I have no sympathy for you.”

“We both work in science, Y/N. Have a little compassion for your patient.”

“Yes, and I practice my nursing skills generally in a clinic,” you pointed out, reaching under the sink for your advanced first aid kit. In the beginning, you only had a simple one. However, ever since Changkyun moved in next door, you had invested in more supplies for situations like this.

It wasn’t the first time the rookie scientist had turned up on your doorstep injured, and it wouldn’t be the last, you were certain of it.

“One day, you’re going to blow us all up, and believe me, if we both survive, I’ll make sure you pay for everything,” you muttered, and Changkyun chuckled softly.

“You know I don’t bring home anything dangerous.”

“You are a walking disaster. You know that, right? If you stopped for half a minute to think about something other than chemical compounds, you might have a rational thought not to do these kinds of stunts by yourself.”

“You nag me too well. I almost forgot I don’t live at home anymore,” Changkyun mentioned cheekily, and you swatted your hand at the man. He laughed until you squirted some saline solution over the open gash.

It was your turn to be amused as he whimpered.

Even if it frustrated you that your neighbour was like this, you also enjoyed the experience. The first time had been a lot more awkward than you both were with each other now, and you had fussed a whole lot more back then too. However, over the two years you’d known the man, you appreciated the growing interactions and natural ease you had with each other. He was an interesting person, even if he had more scars than a normal human possessed.

It did help that he was rather attractive too. You were grateful you hadn’t seen him in a lab coat yet. You didn’t have a doctor complex, but you wondered if you would go weak in the knees in seeing him in one. There was something about Changkyun, dorky and ridiculous as he were that made you wish for more than just neighbourly camaraderie.

The wound wasn’t too serious, and after a simple dressing, you patted his arm and took off the pair of gloves you had put on to treat it. Changkyun didn’t stand up yet, staring at your handiwork.

“Wow, your skills are better each time.”

“Thanks for being such a loyal client of mine,” you answered dryly, packing up your supplies into the container and popped it back under the sink.

Turning around then, you blinked when you realised how close you now were to Changkyun. And before you could move away, he crossed the space between you and pressed his lips to yours. It was brief, gentle and surprisingly warm. When Changkyun shifted back, he examined your face for signs of disapproval.

You rolled your eyes playfully. “I’m not an experiment that you need to study.”

“There are variables to everything in life, Y/N. You could have disliked that move a lot.”

“You’ve watched me close enough over the years to have picked up on the fact I like you,” you pointed out, and Changkyun shot you a sly smile. “You’re a scientist. You’re not going to make a move unless you’ve plotted it out enough.”

“Whilst that’s true, you did just call me a walking disaster. Sometimes I make rash decisions.”

“Is that so? Then tell me. How long have you thought about doing that for? Two minutes, two weeks, or two years?” you asked, standing back to your full height.

Changkyun’s smile grew wider as he got to his feet as well. “Now that would be telling.”

“Uh-huh.”

You went to walk back into your living room when he reached out for you with his good arm, entwining his fingers with yours. Changkyun marvelled the connection before catching your expectant gaze. “How about two seconds after I met you for the first time?”

“A pity.”

“What is?”

“It only took me one second to like you,” you shot back with a grin, and Changkyun laughed.

“Impossible! Don’t try to upstage my cheesy line.”

“Don’t come to me just for injuries anymore then.”

Changkyun’s humour eased, and he nodded immediately. “Should I come to you when I can’t stop thinking about work then?”

“I’ll make an effort to ensure it’s the last thing on your mind.”

“And where will you be?” he asked, stepping in close again.

“At the forefront.”

_________________

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[angeldreamies]

𝐍𝐂𝐓 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐀𝐒 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐋 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐎𝐓𝐘𝐏𝐄𝐒

a/n: am i writing this instead of working on my wip fic? yes. now move along.

disclaimer: i do not intend for any of this post to be offensive to the members. everything i write here is mainly for humor and out of my imagination, i would never truly want to hurt them.

MARK: the cool senior

tbh he’s living his life. he probably gives advice to underclassmen and, admit it, you probably want to be him. he's very chill and has a lot of friends. all the teachers know him and he walks into classes a lot just to say hi. also extremely loud that you can hear him yelling about something like the way his tiktok transition was perfect.

RENJUN: the artist/musician

probably the art/band teacher's favorite. he will thank you for telling him that he's good but he already knows. will probably become a professional artist or musician and has the best, most awesome style ever. his teachers love him. seriously. adore. he always does his work on time or even a few days before the deadline and he aces tests without putting in that much effort. oh, and he’s head of the student council.  please. give this man a medal.

JENO: the cool kid

to be honest, you saw this coming from a mile away. but we're not going to talk about that. he's cool, he's handsome, his group of friends probably blocks the hallway and they could not care less. girls go to his basketball games just to look at him the whole time. he sits at the cool kid's table and skips classes. constantly gets detention but skips those too. jeno usually looks very intimidating but when around jaemin he turns into such a softie.

HAECHAN: smart kid who always gets into trouble

he will do your homework for money. he will use that money to buy gummy bears during lunch. definitely rants about his day on twitter and the teachers all complain his behavior in the teacher's lounge. probably the one to crack an inappropriate joke when the class is silent and be sent outside.

JAEMIN: the player

wow. this was so obvious. idc, he literally embodies the player stereotype. anyway. he is mr. steal your girl™. he plays a sport every season and is definitely captain of the football team. he also pays hyuck to write his essays. also best friends with jeno and they go to frat parties together. he is so sweet to teachers though. mainly because his mom is one and he knows how hard she works. please. it’s the cutest thing.

CHENLE: the goofball

chenle is so cute and sweet, how could i not put him as the goofball. he literally lights up every room just by his voice and never without making a few new friends along the way. his teachers love him and whenever there’s a group project everybody wants to be with him but him and jisung are a package deal, and the best friends wouldn’t choose anyone else. also he whines. all the time. please. it’s never-ending. you can probably find him whining about not being able to get a switch until his birthday and whenever someone mentions it, it just ruins his mood bro. 

JISUNG: the skater

this is absolutely positively based off of all the skater boy fics i have read about this boy. im shameless. he has one of those skater boy™ tiktoks (cough cough like @/seijnishi cough cough) and chenle always asks him to do tricks for him. has fire fits and probably listens to tyler. he doesn’t really like to spend time at home so you can catch him at the skate park almost all the time apart from when he’s not studying. he will most definitely be the type of friend to make a mixtape/playlist for you randomly. honestly he’s a bit quiet but when he’s around chenle, his personality does a whole 180 and chenle gets him to crawl out of his shell.

[keiscait]

Hello!! Could I get a haikyuu living room matchup? 🥺💞

I'm 5'5 and have short, green hair, I use any pronouns, preferably they/them though and I'm bisexual! Though I'd prefer male for this matchup! I've been told I can look pretty intimidating, but I'm actually very anxious and touchstarved :') I'm only cold towards people I don't like, but I'm very protective of people I care about! after getting comfortable with someone, I'll be quite touchy since my love language is touch. I can be pretty stubborn and quite well at arguments, so I'll always stand my ground! By zodiac I'm a Sun Taurus, Moon Sagittarius and have an Aquarius rising.

In a partner I'm looking for someone who I can have fun with, joke around, but someone who knows how to be serious when it's needed. Someone who's patient, and pretty emotionally open. I'd like to be able to cuddle with them, and I have sudden bursts where I need reassurance or touch.

I'm resending mine, since reading the latest post I've taken off a portion of my last request! I hope I got everything right this time! -🌿

Hello and welcome, my darling! I’m so sorry for the crazy delay, I hope you’re still here with us. Thank you so much for being so considerate and resending your request to fit with the rules. I won’t make you wait any longer then! Let’s get right to the living room! ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

Here in the living room, we’re joined by..

(Runner up: Sugawara Koushi)

Oikawa is one of the biggest people-pleasers ever. He’s persistent on tearing down others’ walls, and does so quite skillfully that it’s become second nature to him. While it’s expected of him to be deceptive, he keeps up his sincerity and takes great care with everything he does. 

- OIKAWA IS A FRICKING DISNEY PRINCE 

- ok i just had to get that out of my system

- anyway

- He’d totally get on your nerves at first coz that’s what he’s good at

- kidding again

- I think the fact that you’re cold and intimidating is actually what draws him to you

- Perhaps at first it’ll be for his own selfish reasons, such as wanting to prove to himself that he can get along with anyone, but eventually he’ll be in too deep

- He will succeed at winning you over, so you start opening up to him bit by bit, so he’s like fuck yea. im a god. mission accomplished 😌

- But just when he thinks it’s over, suddenly he finds himself wondering where you are, what you’re doing, why he isn’t with you righT THIS MOMENT

- Then he catches himself and he’s like “Hahahaha, pull yourself together, Tooru 😅”

- But one day, maybe when he’s really stressed out, he stomps out to get some air, and there you are! Looking as radiant as ever! Oh how comforting your presence is and wow did you change your hair he never noticed how it frames your face so wel-- shit.

- He grows quieter than usual as he realizes how taken he is with you

- He considers distancing himself from you because of his pride, but realizes that it’s useless because he just c a n n o t stay away

- SLICK AS HELL WITH HIS CONFESSION. CHANGE MY MIND

- Although this doesn’t change the fact that he was so nervous to admit it

- He is so so so so affectionate, and this will be consistent no matter how much you poke fun at him

- He embraces your stubbornness and how good you are at arguing. He’s used to Iwaizumi, who is similar, and I would go as far as saying he adores this dynamic

- Showers you with praise and affection, and makes sure you don’t ever doubt his feelings for you

- He tries to put a little extra effort into this, and at first glance, it may seem like it’s just coz that’s how he really is, but it’s also because he knows he has a lot of touchy fans who may try to get in the way of your relationship, so this is how he makes it up to you

- Does not hesitate to show you off too. I headcanon that he has a perfectly curated Instagram feed, and takes the most aesthetic couple photos (thanks as well to Takeru who you help babysit sometimes)

- ALWAYS picks you up and drops you off for dates. Non-negotiable for him

- HANDSYYYYY

~

It’s been 3 hours.

He’s been serving, spiking, tossing for 3 whole hours.

This was how he blew off steam - repetitively trying to prove to himself that it wasn’t because he’s incompetent. 

I didn’t lead my team into defeat, he tries to swallow. I didn’t fail them. These thoughts plagued him loudly, completely drowning out whatever sounds surrounded him at the moment.

Volleyballs littered the court; a billowing clap echoing through the gym from the impact of each spike. This has become a routine he has with himself when suffering a loss - he channels his restlessness into practice until he has no other but to rest. Anyway, he’s used to picking himself back up every time, realizing that some things are beyond his control, but he knows he has to let himself ride this wave of uneasiness. And what a mighty wave it was today.

He toppled over out of exhaustion. He sat on the floor of the empty gym, head bowing down, trying to catch his breath from overexertion. With palms faced up, nearly purple from all the friction, he didn’t even notice how numb they’ve gotten. He had to admit he was being a little cruel with himself today.

“Finally had enough?”

He was jolted out of his wallowing by the familiar consolation of your voice. His head whipped to look over his shoulder, and there you stood - the very subject of his affection. Somehow, even with concern pooling from your eyes, fondness still curved over your lips. Just the sight of you made the ringing in his ears stop, and he was now wrapped in a warm silence - like the heat from a fireplace after hours in a blizzard. 

You walked over to where he sat, finding a spot on the floor across him. You reached out and held his hands in yours.

“Go easy on yourself,” you pleaded as you studied his callouses, “I don’t like seeing you like this.”

He sighed as you started to trace shapes on his palms. “I don’t know how else to quiet my thoughts, dearest,” he tried to explain, “this is what I’ve always done to make myself feel better.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “And how’s that working out for ya, Mr. Hotshot?” Your tone was playful, clearly referring to the sorry state of his hands. Even your teasing brought some slight comfort to him, like it was a reminder that everything else in his life remains the same. 

“You know, you and I are a team, right?”

He blinked at your words. His mouth was slightly parted, about to question the intent behind them, but right then, it hit him.

He was no longer alone. Years spent trying to be an icon, an image, an idea for others to project themselves on; a person who was worth looking up to, who was worthy of being put on a pedestal - these were the things he had always worked towards, carrying this weight on his shoulders by himself. But these were the same things that got him to where he is now: soaked with sweat, barely able to catch his breath, hands swelling from a numbing pain.

Now, it was different. He no longer felt the need to prove himself constantly. The fear of not being enough no longer lingers, and nothing worries him in the middle of the night when he lets his own walls down. He now knows that when his hands are grasping for relief, they don’t have to be numbed by electrifying pain. You’ll be right there, as you are now - soothing circles into his skin, quieting the voices that plague him even when there’s no one in the stands.

~

I hope you liked that, dear! Please don’t hesitate to sit and have a chat with me any day.

Thanks for stopping by! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

[blndblz]

Partners with Draco pt2 (hanging out)

part 1:  https://blndblz.tumblr.com/post/628475757269811200/partners-with-draco

You had just finished your last class and were sitting in the Great Hall studying with your best friend Gemma when she asks what you were doing later in the day.

“Nothing really, might go for a walk in a bit.” you mention awkwardly

“A walk?... what are you 50?” she giggled

At this point you just needed to say anything to get her off the topic of your whereabouts. You knew if you said anything about Malfoy she would be so mad at you. She had reason to be though. As first years, Malfoy stole her cat and left him outside in the rain, and she’s hated him ever since.

“The weather’s nice... so I might go walk around over by the greenhouses.” you explain

“Oooo can I go with you? I heard Cedric and his friends like to hangout by the greenhouses before curfew.” she says

“No!” you snap, ugh she’s gonna know you're hiding something “I mean not today, i just want to have some time to myself.”

“Oh, okay whatever you say I guess.”

Wow she had to be so stupid not to question anything but oh well I guess it was for the better

“By the way what time is it?” you ask her. You had told Draco you’d meet him at the greenhouses at 4:00.

“It’s half past 3, why?” she said.

Shit, you still had to get ready and walk to go meet him.

“No reason. Um, I think I’m gonna go back to the dorms though, wanna get changed before I take my walk.” you said

“Okay then, I guess I’ll see you later tonight.” you mumble as you pack up your books about to head to the dorms.

On your trek back to get dressed, it suddenly hits you what’s about to happen. You start to think about what Draco is doing. You wonder if he’s putting any effort into the way he looks like you will. You wonder if he’s even going to go at all.

You get to the dorms and start to change out of your robes and into more casual clothes. You hurry yourself up and rush outside of the castles grounds. As soon as you walk outside a sharp and cold breeze hits you and you suddenly regret not bringing something to cover up with. You walk to your destination was rather fast considering you were zoned out the entire time thinking about what you were getting yourself into.

As you approach the greenhouses you see him waiting alone in the shadows. How ironic. He must have heard you coming because he jerked his head around and locks his eyes onto yours.

“Hey” he stammers

“Hey, I wasn’t completely sure you would show up.” you say with a laugh

“Are you kidding me, I’m not that cruel.” he jokes “I’m not like that trust me.”

“Not cruel?? Don’t tell me you forgot about the time you left Gemma’s poor cat in the rain!”

At this point the two of you were just joking around. Something you never even imagined would happen. Seeing him laugh made you smile so hard your cheeks hurt. His smile was so beautiful. Too bad no one really got to see it.

“Why did you ask me here Draco? I mean I’m so happy you did, but why do you, a pureblood slytherin, want to hangout with me, a half blooded gryffindor?” you were genuinely curious as to why he asked you.

“I’ve heard things about you, good things. Then when I spoke to you I just felt like I could actually talk to someone without getting judged or misunderstood. I’m sorry if it came out of nowhere but I just felt drawn to you for some weird reason.”

Woah

He heard about you?

“What have you heard?” you asked

At this point you two were standing extremely close to each other. It wasn’t awkward though. You could feel his warmth radiating onto your cold body.

“A lot if i'm being honest. Since I saw you on the train before second year started I hoped I would get a class with you, but I never did, until now I guess.” he explained

“Are you serious? I was honestly kind of scared of you with everything i’ve heard.” By now he was touching your hand and he noticed the goosebumps trailing up your arm.

“Wow, some impression I give off to them.” he chucked “ Here, take my jacket it’s freezing out here.” he says as he takes his thick jacket off his body handing it over to you.

As you slip it on, it’s hard not to notice it’s about three times your size. You instantly get hit with a faint smell of apples and firewood. As you pull it closer to you the aroma gets stronger.

“Is that better?” he asks while looking into your eyes.

“Yeah thanks so much I left my sweater back in the dorms.” you say to him as he grabs your hand. He interlocks his fingers into yours and you feel butterflies erupting in your stomach.

You look up at him as he is towering over you and your eyes keep darting from his eyes to his lips. He keeps his eyes on yours the whole time.  He takes his hand off yours and onto the base of your neck, moving it up to cup your face. With one swift move he moved his lips to yours connecting them while holding your face in his warm hands. God he was such a good kisser. You felt as he was starting to pull away and grabbed his neck to bring him in as a way to make it last longer. After a few short moments, you both pull away with your eyes half closed. He opens his and you’re in complete shock

“Wow, um didn’t expect that” you say blushing

“Yeah either did I” he replies with a laugh

“Well, it's getting late and it’s almost curfew, shouldn’t we get going?”

“You’re right” he replies “I’ll walk you to your dorm.”

“Are you sure? That's pretty far from yours Draco.” you ask

“Of course, i’m not cruel, remember?”

They walk backwards anything but awkward.Yout two talk about your home life to your friends and family. As you arrive at your dorms, the both of you are careful to make sure no one is around.

“I had a really great time by the way.” he says shyly

“Me too, maybe we can go out again sometime soon? How about Hogsmeade this weekend?” you ask

“It’s a date.” he smiles

“It’s a date then.” you reply back

With that he gives you one final kiss on the cheek and then on the lips before walking away. You enter the dorms internally exploding and counting down the days until Saturday when you get to go out with him again.

-

Hey everyone hopefully you like this part 2. Im still debatig whether or not to make this a series or leave it at this so just lmk. Also I have school so i’ll try my best for daily uploads. Don’t forget to like and follow and request anything you’d like 

luv u guys <3333

[adrunkgiraffe]

I have been through this journey before, so I get to be actually frustrated about it.

IUnder a read more because im not subjecting y’all to this. Also: I should caveat I haven’t watched the episode cause I’m waiting till its on Netflix but I have watched way too many other episodes of Supernatural so I have a right to say these things. 

TL;DR: I mean you all knew Cas’ confession was fucking bullshit and that SPN is...hm. But I’d like to actually express my genuine frustration, for a moment? I’m going to say things you already know, but I have too much knowledge of this show and too much stupid meta in my brain about a series I haven’t genuinely enjoyed for at least 5 years which makes this not just blandly bad but disgustingly insulting to me not even as a gay just as like. A writer?

Or, even shorter: Cas’ confession is just a Charlie Bradbury Speedrun 

So. As some of you may know if, for some reason, you followed me back in 2013 (and till...okay fine 2015), I used to be, uh. Really into SPN. Really, I was into Destiel. Like, as in, I slogged through seasons 1-3 to get to Cas and am also really vulnerable to the Sunk Cost Fallacy and projecting onto characters. (I was in 8th grade in 2013, okay? Get off my back)

Also, because I monopolised use of the TV, I kind of...also got my parents into it? In a “this is silly but fun” kind of way.

Over time, critiques of the show from viewers, learning what queerbaiting is at all, fatigue with how long it was going, and also fatigue from how characters I enjoyed, like Rufus, or Crowley, or Ellen, or Jo, or Kevin, or Charlie, or Cas a few times, kept getting killed off. As time went on, it didn’t escape my notice that, aside from Cas, all of these characters fit one or more of the following criteria:

They were a woman

They were a person of color

Were Queer or Queer-coded in some way (listen Crowley was bad rep but at least Mark Sheppard actually kissed a man on screen)

I also just...generally got tired of the way the show treats women and sidelines people of color. 

The final straw really came with Charlie’s death. It got us all excited, because she hadn’t been back in a bit! And it was interesting to see how reuniting with her dark side from Oz had changed her! (yeah remember the fucking Wizard of Oz storyline? The writers sure don’t!) And maybe she’d get developed! Because at this point, Charlie and the fairly good writing of her character was a major upside for the series! Charlie was cool, fun, gay, and morally complex in a way...none of the female characters had been before her, in large part because by definition, her relationship with the boys would always be platonic.

And then. Offscreen. She is violently murdered. For no damn good reason. Like, literally, her being brought back in this episode after fucking off to europe after having returned from fucking off to Oz seems to have filled two purposes in total. 

The codex is solved (but Sam doesn’t know till next episode)

Charlie is dead, which means Dean can be angry, specifically at Sam, and kill more people because he’s the big bad this season. 

That’s it. Two things. Twooooo whole reasons to do this episode. Whoopee. 

But you didn’t come here for this, you came here for me to rip this reveal to shreds. Don’t worry, I’ll get there. What I want in your minds is that Supernatural already had a really good anddynamic queer character. And then they killed her off to make Dean angry. No, it doesn’t matter that they brought her back in season 13 or whatever. They made that decision. 

After the rage this incited, I started realizing general flaws in the writing (I had probably already noticed them but now I was angry enough to complain.) Every conflict is born of Sam and Dean not communicating/taking on burdens and Dean being angry at Cas for reasons that ranged from good to ridiculous, but in a way that always went way too fucking long, (which...yes, does make the “you do it for love” gifs fucking hilarious). It didn’t help that seasons 11 and 12 were next, which meant Demon Dean and GOD’S FUCKING SISTER, plus the decision to resurrect Mary, which, while I do like her later scenes, as a season 12 finale it...well I’ll be honest it kinda sucked. It undercut the majority of the Winchester’s’ arcs and their slow and painful journey out of their father’s toxic vengeance quest and knowing Mary as a person when it’s too late to know her was one of the last semi-compelling grounders of the narrative. 

By this point it was a hate-watch for my parents and I.

So then, I’m at college, and I’m not watching anymore cause I don’t have the motivation or access to Hulu to continue, and SPN is bad. I watch the Scooby Doo crossover when it comes out and my friend and I make fun of it, and we also continue making jokes about Dean and Cas and queerbaiting because we’re queer, but I don’t keep up. My Dad does though, so when I return, I watch some with the fam and lads. It’s even more tiring without context. 

So flash forward to Quarantine, my sister, the only one with taste, has left, and we have run out of netflix to watch. So we return to the well, and seasons 13-14 are. I’m gonna say it. Bad. Really fucking bad. The cycle of bad communication continues, season 14 has like seven antagonists and the way it’s structured makes it so I literally cannot remember the timeline of a season I watched 3 months ago. Oh also, they have a queer coded cannibal snake monster for...well I guess Jack’s snake bud was cool but like. Huh wow it’s almost like these writers don’t handle queers well. 

Our one saving grace is Cas, but he’s barely in any episodes, though I did note that his deal with the empty, being happy completely for one moment killing him, that struck me as “this has potential and I know they’re gonna half-ass it somehow.” Also Jack and Mary, but then oh...plot….The most compelling it gets is literally the finale.

But then, 3 days later, the first half of season 15 comes out on Netflix and it’s...actually kind of acceptable. The new character they give Jack’s actor is fun to watch him play until they make him evil. Exploring just how toxic Chuck can be gave the series direction again. The alternate future was genuinely scarring, and Eileen’s return was genuinely moving. Most of all, though, Cas got the opportunity to tell Dean no, that Dean was being unfair to him, had always been unfair to him, and he was sick of it. I had no illusions, I knew Destiel was never gonna happen, and Cas was gonna die, but giving him that bit of agency, letting Cas grow and be self-sufficient, and be angry with Dean not for existential reasons but interpersonal ones, was such a good sign for me, and Dean grew too! Dean fucking apologized for being horrible and Jensen Ackles had a...yknow what, ill give it to him, he had a good acting moment. 

But the thing. About. The “I love you.” 

Let’s take it in parts.

What was good: I’m gonna admit it, lads, “Wanting what I can’t have” - AS A LINE - is good, and, structurally, there is something to the Empty Deal that could have been an interesting aspect of Cas’ arc when it comes to self actualization and being on even footing with Dean. The problem is, this is Supernatural, and that arc only comes up when I bring it up because character study, even in bad media, is fun for me. 

What was bad:

I mean. Like. All of it? All of it. 

Okay. Fine. I’ll be specific. 

Cas dies immediately when - possibly because- he is revealed as having feelings for Dean. They kill him as they queer him, that’s a Bury Your Gays Speedrun right there.

Like the least they could have done is have him mention it to someone in another scene or something to establish some romantic feelings on the part of canon a full episode beforehand. That would have been the literal bare minimum. 

When Cas starts praising Dean, for some reason both the writing and Misha’s acting take a bit of a downswing (from...where it already was). Cas, whose most powerful moment this season was acknowledging that Dean’s anger at him is cruel and unfair, flatly praises him for doing everything out of love and it reads with a misunderstanding of both Dean as a character and Cas’ understanding of Dean. Dean is angry! VERY ANGRY! And it’s a problem he needs to work on and rarely does. 

Talking out of my ass, a better speech would have been about how Dean is angry because of his love for Sam, family, and the people around him, how, for better or for worse, he can’t help but be angry on behalf of others, and that his journey of moving that tendency towards the better is what made Cas care so much. Guys this alteration to the metaphor took 2 minutes to write tops I am an Art History student and these are TV WRITERS WITH YEARS OF EXPERIENCE CAN YOU TELL THEYRE NOT TRYING YET? 

A better speech would, of course, have come out of a better series. My point: this part was half-assed. Poorly written. Wow it’s almost like the series is also poorly written. 

 Also, Misha is the better actor of the three(***OF THE THREE), but his choices in that scene are jarringly out of character which. Makes the bad writing worse. It doesn’t help that they cut to the same fucking shot of Dean 3 times. The chemistry in that scene makes it feel so fucking hackneyed. Because it is. 

This combines lead me to the point: (wait there was a point to this?)

As someone who does not have the luxury of watching this capsized ship fall into boiling seas from a distance, it is less insulting to me that they did this so last minute and then sent Cas to the Void than it is how they did it. They had ingredients for something that could have been compelling enough to me as a former fan of the show to think that they had put effort into it, that they had decided months, perhaps even years ago to do this, and had crafted a storyline around it. That this was an intentional decision they cared about. It wasn’t. It was barely even pandering, because it’s almost insultingly blatant. 

SPN kinda proved to me that it didn’t care about queers when Charlie was killed off. It proved it to me again when Cas, not only died in confessing his love for Dean but did it in the weakest result of what could have been a surprisingly strong story.

[ptersparkers]

hi, peter parker

summary: the four nights spider-man visited your window and the one time he stayed.

a/n: this has been in my drafts since early 2018 and i am in love with peter parker. anyways im so grateful to get to hear back from you guys and i love seeing messages from you lot!!

warnings: none, just fluff 

masterlist / taglist 

i

To think you had said no to a night out.

You sighed and looked at your phone, your friend Taylor sending you a video via snapchat wishing you were at a friend’s house party. Initially you had declined because of a stressful week at school, but now you were bored out of your mind.

‘Sorry, Tay,’ you texted. ‘Maybe next time.’

Your phone’s clock read three minutes until midnight and you figured it would be best to sleep. You scoffed at the thought of resting when your body’s clock was rendered to stay up until four in the morning - what you had been doing some nights to study for upcoming AP tests. Now that that was out of the way, it’s like your body couldn’t fall asleep until well after midnight.

You groaned to yourself and switched on the small light by your bed. The light was dim enough so it wouldn’t bother the neighbors across from your apartment. Your eyes were closed for a total of, what felt like a millisecond, before you heard knocking on your window.

“What in the world?” you muttered. You stood up from your bed and immediately saw a red mask greet you.

“Hey there! I know this is weird, but you’re the only window with the light on and I really need to stop before I fall. There’s a whole bunch of houses and I need to fix my web shooters,” said the man in the mask, which you knew to be Spider-Man.

You stared at him, unable to comprehend what you were about to do. “Oh, um, sure,” you said before opening your window. You stepped aside and let him in. Spider-Man crawled through your window and landed effortlessly on the carpet, not making a sound.

“That was almost graceful,” you commented. “I’m pretty sure my mom would’ve thought I snuck out.”

“Do you sneak out?” he asked.

“Nah. I’m too lame to try. Do you want water or anything?” He shook his head.

“No, I just need someplace to fix my web shooters. I think they got jammed,” he replied.

“Okay, cool,” you said awkwardly, balancing from one foot to the other.

“Can I sit on your bed?”

“Uh, sure.”

“Do you have a small pick by any chance?”

“I have tweezers?”

“I guess that’ll do.”

You fetched tweezers from your makeup vanity and gave them to him. He instantaneously began working on his web shooters as you stood and watched. His head shot up and he faced you.

“I’m sorry, I never introduced myself. I’m Spider-Man,” he said, extending his hand for you to shake.

“Y/N,” you replied. “Welcome to my humble abode.”i

“Thanks! I really like the board above your bed with all the polaroids. It looks so neat that I fear I might mess it up from all the way over here.”

You laughed and sat beside him. “I’ve been obsessed with taking polaroids for two years now. I made it a point to capture the best memories and fix them into some sort of memory board so I can remember the good times.”

“That’s smart. I wish I was artistic and creative, but I can barely draw a straight line with a ruler,” he said. You watched as he worked and sat in silence for a moment.

“Say, do these web shooters get stuck all the time?”

“Not usually, I just think I haven’t really been able to update them or clean them out. I’ve been busy with all this ‘saving the little guy’ stuff,” he said.

“Is it fun? Being Spider-Man, I mean. You’re practically an Avenger,” you asked.

“I’m technically not an Avenger. Well, not yet. I’ve been working with Mr. Stark for a little bit, but it’s mostly keeping Queens safe for now.”

“Sounds like you’ve got a serious job on your hands.”

You could see the eyes on his mask move like he was smiling underneath. “Yeah, I do. I’m glad people can understand that.”

“So, what kind of things do you do on your day off? I’m sure you’re not always swinging around and hanging out in the homes of strangers.”

He laughs. “No, not really. I don’t know, I hang out with friends sometimes.”

You thought about asking him more, but decided against it. His life outside of being Spider-Man was his own.

“Wow, that sounds pretty mundane. I do pretty much the same, except school’s almost over and I have a month until summer break,” you replied. Spider-Man hands you back your tweezers and fixes the web shooters back on his suit.

“Any fun plans for the summer?”

“As of right now, no, but who’s to say?”

Spider-Man laughed and walked towards your window. “I’m sure you’ll find something fun to do. Thanks again, Y/N.”

“See ya!” you say as you watch him exit the window and swing away.

ii

Summer was just around the corner. It was another Friday night and you had decided against studying for finals because it seemed that that was all you did in your free time. The sky was getting dark out and you decided to stay in bed tonight and binge watch shows on Netflix, turning your phone on silent. You had enough snacks to last you the entire night and popped your headphones in, pressing play.

It wasn’t long before you heard tapping on your window. Curiously, you stood from your bed and saw Spider-Man.

“You again,” you said playfully as you opened up the window. “What do you need this time?”

“Honestly? I think I need a little break,” he said. “I’d also love to take this suit off, but my identity is something I’d like to keep hidden for a little while.”

“That’s fine,” you replied. “I’m not really in a rush. Not that you need to tell me who you are or anything, ugh, you get what I mean.”

Spider-Man laughed and pointed at your window and you nodded, watching as he climbed his way through.

“Can you even breathe in that thing?” you asked, pointing at his mask.

“Oh, yeah! It’s a breathable material and lets oxygen pass so I’m not always suffocating myself. That’s how I’m able to keep the mask on at all times.”

“Interesting,” you said, sitting on your chair by your desk as he took a seat on your bed.

“Studying for finals?”

“More like procrastinating. Well, all I do is study and I deserve a break,” you said.

“That you do. Final season is coming up and I’m dreading having to -”

“Wait, you’re in school?” you asked, interrupting his speech.

Spider-Man looked at the ground, the walls, and anywhere but your gaze.

“I, uh, yeah?” he said with uncertainty, scratching the back of his neck.

“If you think I’m going to look all over Queens to find out which school you go to, I’m letting you know now that I won’t. That seems like too much effort and for all I know, that isn’t your actual voice,” you replied, twirling a pen in your hand.

“Phew, thank you,” said Spider-Man, pretending to wipe sweat off of his forehead. “Damn, all of this swinging made me really hungry.”

“You should try the deli down there. It’s called Delmar’s and it’s my favorite sandwich shop. Also, asked for the sandwiches to be smushed! Don’t ask me why, but it tastes better,” you said.

Spider-Man went silent for a moment and you cocked your head to the side, thinking you either said something wrong or he was just really hungry.

“What?”

Spider-Man shook his head. “Nothing, nothing. I’ll be sure to try your suggestion. Anyway, I’ll see you soon!”

And with that, you saw red and blue flying in the wind.

iii

You were half asleep with your headphones in your ears when you heard a faint ‘thwip.’ Your parents were fast asleep and you had willed yourself to watch one more episode of Law and Order: SVU before getting sleep for your final. Currently, you were on your side with one earbud in (the other having fallen out, but you didn’t care much) and the voice of Olivia Benson could be faintly heard from the volume that could put you to sleep.

You stirred slightly, but not enough to wake you up fully.

Then came a knock on your window. Once. Twice. Three times. You yawned and rolled over to see Spider-Man standing outside your window with nothing but the moon behind him to illuminate your room. You threw the covers off of you and rubbed the sleep away from your eyes, opening the window for him to come in. With it, the chilly wind did not welcome you warmly and you grabbed a sweatshirt from your closet.

“Sorry to wake you,” he said sheepishly.

You waved him off. “It’s okay, Spider-Man. I like your company and you’re probably the only person who I couldn’t bring myself to yell at.”

He put his hands of his heart. “Wow, I’m so touched.”

“You should be,” you said, climbing into the covers and resting your back against your bed frame. “What brings you to this part of Queens at this ungodly hour?”

“It’s only nine thirty,” Spider-Man deadpanned. You shrugged.

“What can I say? A girl really needs her beauty sleep before her last final.” Spider-Man’s autonomic eyes seemed to narrow as if her were in thought.  

“Oh shoot, that’s tomorrow? I’m sorry for bothering you,” he apologized. You laughed and shook your head, patting the bed for him to rest on. Spider-Man gently put his knees on the mattress and situated himself so he was laying on his side, looking at you.

“It’s okay, Spidey. You already know I love your company. Besides, it’s only nine thirty,” you mocked. Spider-Man laughed and the room fell into a comfortable silence. “What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing really,” he began, but you looked at him with a knowing expression. “Okay, a lot but that’s for another day when we have more time. I’m just thinking how lucky I am to have you in my life and I’m grateful it was you whose room I stumbled into and not some mean old lady.”

“I’m happy you came here too,” you confessed. “This is probably gonna sound weird but...your visits are something I look forward to. I don’t know, I just feel like I opened up to you much quicker than any of the friends I have at school.”

“I feel the same way,” he said, sighing. “I don’t know, it’s just hard being two people at the same time. Even though you don’t know my real name yet, you know more about me than anyone else does.”

“And that’s something I will cherish forever,” you said, stroking his cheek with your hand. “I’m really happy I met you.”

“I can say the same,” he replied. But before he could make himself more comfortable, Spider-Man pushed himself off of the bed and adjusted his web shooters before seeing that you had tucked yourself in. Spider-Man smiled and his autonomic eyes grew wider as he bent down and pressed a kiss to your forehead. You could barely feel his lips.

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

iv

You groaned, slamming your door shut and planted your face into a pillow, wanting to forget the world had ever existed. It was a hot summer night and your mother had just let you know that she and your father would be staying at a friend’s for the week, but that you couldn’t join them this time. You probably should’ve been happy to have the apartment alone, but the last thing you wanted to be was alone.

Spider-Man hadn’t come by your apartment in nearly a month and you had started to grow increasingly worried about the boy who you couldn’t get out of your mind. Every time you thought about the possibility of dating, you immediately shook that out of your head for two reasons: the first being he’s a superhero and you were a regular New York citizen, and the fact that you didn’t know his name or what he looked like. You’d never pressure him, but that didn’t mean you were dying to know.

The sun was almost set when your parents left and you hadn’t had the decency to move from where you flung yourself. There was a tapping sound from the window and you knew who it was.

“It’s open!” you mumbled from your pillow, where you had curled yourself so you could continue in your self wallowing.

“Who dragged the cat in?” Spider-Man asked with a chuckle. You looked at him as if you hadn’t seen him in years and got off of your bed, letting your arms snake its way around him. With a sigh, you closed your eyes and let yourself revel in this moment. “You okay?”

“I was worried,” you said quietly. “You usually go no more than a few days of being gone but it’s been nearly a month, and I know I don’t have any right to worry, and that you were probably really busy, but I was really worried.” Spider-Man let out a soft chuckle and held your body closer to his, letting his chin rest on top of your head.

“You have every right to be worried, Y/N. I’m touched that you care so much. I-I’ve been a little stressed with my personal life and haven’t been able to patrol as often and I didn’t have much energy to swing to your place. I’m sorry,” he said.

“It’s okay,” you replied. “I’m just relieved to find out you aren’t dead.”

Spider-Man laughed. “Say, what are your parents gonna think if they find me in your room?”

“Well, they’re gone this week so there’s no way that’s happening.”

“Oh, well lucky me, I guess,” he said nonchalantly as he let himself rest on your bed. He plopped himself in the middle, his back resting against the mattress as you chuckled. “Come lay with me.”

You didn’t say anything as you climbed next to him and willed yourself not to put your entire body on him, but Spider-Man pulled you to his side and held you tight.

“I had this nightmare that you needed me and I couldn’t save you,” said Spider-Man. “I was in a really weird place and felt like I couldn’t leave my house but last night was the last straw. You were falling and I couldn’t save you. I needed to see you again just to make sure.

His voice got weaker and you put your head on his chest, finding his hand to squeeze it to let him know you understood.

“Sometimes I think this gig is too much for me. I feel like I shouldn’t have been given these abilities but at the same time, I’m grateful for all the things it’s given me. Like you.”

“I’m here,” you whispered.

You both stared at the ceiling for a while, basking in each other’s company. You would faintly feel his heart beating through his suit and he was rubbing soothing circling on your hip with his thumb.

“You know,” you said, hesitantly while propping yourself up with your elbows. “You could stay for the night since my parents are gone.” Your eyes widened as soon as you said it. “I-I mean that in the most innocent way possible.”

Spider-Man laughed and looked at you with his autonomic eyes, letting a comfortable moment pass as he thought about your offer.

“I think I’d have to let some people know I’d be safe first, but I’d like that.”

It grew quiet between you two and you didn’t know what was to come next. Slowly, you moved your body to sit up and he followed suit, wondering what you were planning.

“Do you trust me?” you asked.

“I trust you,” he confirmed. You moved your hand towards his mask and you could already sense his body tense up, especially when you moved the mask up his face. You stopped for a brief moment, but he didn’t stop you. You kept lifting the mask until it rest gently above his nose and leaned in to place your lips on his.

The kiss was gentle and searing at the same time, like you both had been wanting to do something for a while but hadn’t until that very moment. It was passionate and innocent, slow and fast. It wasn’t rushed; you held his jaw with both hands, afraid that he was going to leave the second you pulled away. His lips moved in conjunction with yours and didn’t part until you both ran out of air.

“I’ve been meaning to do that for a while,” he said, not bothering to pull his mask down. You laughed and looked at him as he took off his web shooters and pulled his mask off his face.

“Hi, I’m Peter Parker.”

To say you were surprised was an understatement. Spider-Man was cute.

“Holy shit, you’re hot,” you whispered more to yourself. Peter laughed and your cheeks developed a pink tint.

“I happen to think you’re also hot,” Peter said with a chuckle before pressing another kiss to your lips.

“Hi, Peter Parker,” you said with a grin.

“Hi, Y/N Y/L/N,” he said with a grin equally as big.

“I don’t really know what I imagined under the mask, but you’re much cuter than what I had expected,” you said. “Let me go get some of my brother’s extra clothes. He lives in Los Angeles now but we still have some of his stuff!”

Peter smiled at you as you walked out of your bedroom and took the time to look around, letting himself bask in the moment that was pure bliss. How you were going to introduce him to your parents, he didn’t know. But Peter knew he didn’t want to let you go any time soon.

***

Taglist

@kath94210​ @sessi03​ @olliekookie​ @edgyhargreeves​ @simonsbluee​ @meraki--me @sleep-i-ness​

[crows-murder]

ADHD Mac

oh yeah im doing this

there are two things im 100% about Angus MacGyver

1 he is a bi disaster

and 2 he has ADHD

before elementary school, no one really thought anything was out of the ordinary with Mac. his parents thought his hyperactivity and inability to focus well was normal for a toddler.

even if they got suspicious, Ellen got sick and she became a priority, not Mac’s odd behavior.

after Ellen MacGyver’s death, James couldn’t even look at his son, seeing his late wife in his blue eyes and blond hair, much less worry about his son’s attention problem that were increasingly frustrating the teachers.

Mac’s teachers in first grade aren’t too hard on him and his wandering attention and inability to sit still for too long since his mother had died recently.

they blame it on the trauma of losing a mother and dismiss it, though get more frustrated with Mac.

as early as second grade, Mac shows signs of having an exceptionally sharp mind, but his teachers are frustrated with him because he can’t seem to concentrate in class and struggles with his homework. Mac gets exceptional grades despite that.

his grades are so good the administration bumps him up two grades.

Mac starts fifth grade at 8, but it doesn’t get easier for him, or less frustrating.

he has occasional emotional outbursts, he’s always fidgeting, leaves a lot of tasks unfinished and has problems focusing. the other students find him weird on top of him having skipped two grades and he has no friends other than Bozer.

Mac works on his homework for hours, trying desperately to focus long enough to finish it, missing obvious details and getting reprimanded by the teachers.

his father becomes more secluded so Mac can’t ask him for help, and instead tries to force himself to study until his head hurts and the words swim around the paper like unintelligible squiggles.

Mac’s teachers complain about his poor organisation skills, unable to understand that this “mess” is Mac’s own version of organized.

Mac feels like no adult believes him when he says he can’t focus in class, that he couldn’t finish the homework, so he stops trying to convince them and instead takes it in.

he’s in sixth grade when his dad leaves for good, and it makes Mac’s already low self-esteem worse and wonders guiltily if James left because Mac struggled with simple tasks.

and so he works even harder, makes more efforts, tries harder.

it’s a real struggle that drives Mac’s frustration to tears many times, but it never feels like it’s enough. he still struggles working in group projects, he procrastinates, he loses track of time.

sometimes he can’t even physically bring himself to do his homework and ends up rushing it in the morning.

and of course, sometimes he gets lost in a personal project for hours on end without even realizing it.

Mac was always fidgeting, and started twisting up paperclips to keep his hands occupied and found that it helped focus his mind on the task ahead.

people thought he was distracted, but twisting paperclips meant that he was actually focusing much more easily.

as Mac grew older, he still couldn’t take criticism well. only Bozer really knew this, and even light criticism could make  his low self-esteem plummet.

this paired with Mac being often bored and under-stimulated (mainly in school) made Mac’s school experience difficult.

he graduates at 16 and goes straight to MIT where things slightly get better, feeling like some of the stress of grade school finally leaving him and giving him more room to breathe.

when his grandfather's call came, Mac was 18 and finally felt like things were going right.

he went to join the Army, hoping his history of lack of focus won’t hinder him much.

in Afghanistan, Mac is (usually) able to put all his focus on the IED and forget the world around.

the other soldiers think he’s just a really good EOD tech who can ignore the gunfire surprisingly well, but it’s actually because oh his hyper-focused brain.

when he and Jack are discharged and hired by DXS, Mac starts to suffer from secondary depression.

he finally goes to see a doctor who gives him his diagnosis and prescribes him antidepressants and suggests he sees a mental health professional.

Mac does and he gets diagnosed with ADHD and his prescribed ADHD medication and his doctor even suggests seeing a therapist.

despite Mac's hatred for pills, he still takes his antidepressants, but refuses to take the ADHD meds, refusing to be dependent on pills for the rest of his life.

he manages to keep it a secret from everyone, even Bozer.

but Mac decides a therapist would be helpful, and so he schedules a meeting.

and then he keeps going, every week.

therapy helps.

a lot.

though he felt like he was back to square one, like in school, feeling under-performing, but only this time with mild depression.

his therapist explains that the depression was caused by his brain being constantly under-stimulated, and of course war didn’t help.

over the months, Mac slowly gets better and feels like he’s finally moving forward, and talking to someone about a mental issue he never knew he had really helped him.

he feels guilty not telling anyone, but he isn’t ready to tell them yet.

months later, Mac decides to tell Bozer and sits him down and explains to his best friend how he was recently diagnosed with ADHD (Bozer told him it explained a lot) and mild depression because of it

Bozer understood and respected Mac’s wish to keep it under wraps and tells him that if Mac needed anything, he could always (always) come to Bozer. Mac felt even more grateful for his best friend (I love their friendship oh wow--)

no one but Bozer knew for a long time.

it wasn’t even added to his file, so not even Patti (later Matty) or Oversight (screw him anyways) knew.

after fifteen months on antidepressants Mac’s therapist decides he could come off the medication.

the withdrawal is… rough

but Mac refused to take any days off (despite what his doctor said), lest he roused suspicion.

Mac just powered through the intense stomach cramps, sweating, shivering and nausea as best as he could.

Jack was suspicious, but Mac assured him it was just a stomach bug, and Jack let it be since he could see no physical wounds that could cause this.

Mac’s withdrawal lasted a little over three weeks, and Bozer was trying to be there for his best friend as best as he could.

Mac would sleep in fits, threw up every other night and couldn’t stand eating or even looking at anything salty or sweet

when Mac started to get better, looking and feeling more healthy, Bozer took him out to one of the best restaurants in LA as a way to celebrate and made Mac pancakes for breakfast all week.

Mac told him it was entirely unnecessary, but Bozer cut him off by telling him that if someone could beat depression, it was worth celebrating.

it effectively shut Mac up and made him wonder for the thousandth time how he was lucky enough to meet someone like Bozer.

for the whole week, Mac is in a much happier and brighter mood than he’d been in in a long time.

it took everyone by surprise and caused Jack to ask if he was okay. Mac had just smiled and said that he’d never been better.

Bozer was just glad to see Mac act the way he used to when they were still in grade school. he missed this version of Mac.

Matty being Matty found out bout Mac’s therapy sessions and his antidepressant prescription and ADHD diagnosis and asks him about it (more worried about his well-being than his performance in the field)

Mac apologizes for keeping it a secret but told her that he’d gotten off the antidepressants months ago (to Matty’s relief) and that the ADHD was nothing to worry about.

Mac knows that he won’t be able to keep his therapy sessions and ADHD a secret from everyone forever, but still doesn’t feel ready to tell anyone.

Mac told them one by one, all at different times

he told Jack first, who was concerned for his partner but couldn’t bring himself to be mad at Mac for keeping it to himself.

telling Riley and Cage took a while, but he finally got it out, and felt relieved that he didn’t have to keep it a secret anymore.

after season 3, when Mac gets reinstated, his first order of business is to schedule an appointment with a therapist (Nigerian villages, as it turned out, don’t have therapy clinics)

James MacGyver tries to be the dad he hasn’t been to Mac since he was five, but missed a lot and doesn’t believe his son’s claim to have ADHD.

it destabilizes Mac’s firm belief in the diagnosis and sends him spiraling

Matty is not happy.

you do not want Matty to not be happy with you

whether or not you’re her boss.

she and James have a heated discussion when James says he wants to remove Mac’s ADHD from his personal file.

let’s just say Mac’s mental health is something no one talks about unless they want to really go at it with James.

and Mac tells them to drop it. he doesn’t have to listen to his father’s opinions (as he is an adult himself) and doesn’t want anyone fired on his behalf.

idk if it’s just me really liking the idea of Mac seeing a therapist (boy needs it)

or just thinking that it would explain a lot about Mac (his habit of playing with paperclips, his hyper-focus, etc...)

but i like the idea of ADHD Mac.

also it would make a lot of sense idk

[unproduciblesmackdown]

40, 47, 59, 62, 76

lmao hell yeah thanks for All this support i love it!! quastions

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

really idk i feel like even our schools’s Antics were pretty par for the course and i was just sitting in the corner reading the whole time basically......trying to think if anything wild happened in college but even then it was p similar. well you know what, whatever donors covered the majority of the cost of the school’s black box theater being renovated apparently Stipulated that every other year a rodgers and hammerstein production be put on. absolute freaks. my roommate/friend and their then-boyfriend, the one mormon i have Knowingly Known in my life, were in pirates of penzance (sic?) together. hilarious

47. favorite type of cheese?

i like cheddar and like, parmesan, smoked gouda.....let’s get that shit Sharp!!! and hard lmao

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

idk i’d be like an npc just doing their weird thing on their own. i’ve never played pokemons unless you count pokemons Go but i think about the famed “i like shorts they’re comfy and easy to wear” npc kid. like, yeah. i feel the same. and would say similar bullshit nobody asked about

62. seven characters you relate to?

oh god.........recognizing the self through the relatable characters :|

well let’s just talk about the wrol roles right off b/c the characters that Most occupy my gay thoughts (which is to say: my general thoughts) will inevitably get priority when it comes to Remembering things

1) whom among us doesn’t relate to jared kleinman........will roland emerging from relative obscurity and coming for our entire fucking lives like the goddamn legend he is. it’s tough b/c it’s like, oh well alana is relatable too, so is evan unfortunately sorry evan, and in ways i might ~usually act~ like one of those two more than jared but. no. it is Jared who wins the relatability contest, and we all get to be beautifully haunted by it forever

2) leaning hard into winston even with the few glimpses of him b/c somehow will Cannot play an allistic cishet. and this is even More of a case where maybe i don’t much have winston’s demeanor.......even without winston being a beacon of confidence, he has more confidence lmao. and he has that ability to just Be Himself in a situation which, i wish i had that moxie lmao. i am a lot more [usually trying to be accommodating wayyyy harder than i should], booo......even though he’s clearly not great at conflict considering how it doesn’t take Too much to put him out, it’d be pretty impossible for me to be all “called them hacks and lame” or carry out a very irritated monologue in front of four people in the first place lmao. but who knows. and it’s more in the details of like, oh no winston’s the odd one out even though he hasn’t really Done Anything, but we all ~understand~ why he Deserves it.........his expectation / treating it basically as Fact that he will disappoint people.......the [weird] [offputting] behaviors and his way of speaking in What he Says and How He Says It seeming wrong to people.......like it’s only 15-ish min of content that we have here and we don’t have the least info about will’s own thoughts on the character but it’s like. how is this such an iconic Gay Autistic Quant b/c these vibes are so rare. and i appreciate that he can be ~difficult~ lmao. same with jared though i didn’t mention it. i can be difficult!! love it for us...

3) briony atkins from murder of bindy mackenzie as a character who Does act more like how i Usually Act Like lmao.....god we’re only on three i forgot there was seven of these. and yet i know there’s probably at least 2 dozen characters who could make this list and i just won’t think of most of them unless directly reminded......but anyways yeah i mean in person i mostly do Not want attention unless i feel comfortable enough / in my element or whatever. especially if it’d be some situation like “sitting in a group of randos” lol. i mean it depends b/c i also can sometimes be ~on~ in terms of Masking and trying to be like Haha I’m Social I’m Regular and i def engage in Nervous Chatter sometimes, but like, very often it’s like god don’t talk to me and i don’t want to talk either.....and then yeah people Will be surprised that like, idk, i’m opinionated as shit and idk that i Enjoy Things / Have Thoughts And Feelings coz the assumption i guess is that you must simply have nothing to say. so the dismissal of this person who seemingly has nothing to contribute and must be Boring rings true lmfao.....but then of course it’s also important that her personality Under that is the one getting mistaken for emily’s lol cuz yeah At Heart i am sure of that dramatic / intense / excitable type Sometimes. but it takes some excavation before i am like “oh i can engage in my actual self” and like weeks and months to get comfortable w/ people and i’m always suspicious that anyone actually would enjoy it and i’m not too much......i am a motormouth actually and have something to say about any and everything and like to Have Fun Here but like. idk i come off as boring and can be Notably Quiet lmao

4) oscar martinez from the office is weirdly [Haha Same] sometimes lmfao. sort of keeps to himself but also has to pipe up with Opinions and Pedantry and the kind of Drama of a restrained theatre gay. some deleted scene from an episode where during an interview clip of Jimothy in a theater lobby and you have oscar call from across the group in that [wearied Ugh God] way of ‘jim, they’re remaking ___’ while jim just kind of gives a cursory “wow gosh” or whatever and like, i sure don’t have lots of Theatre Opinions but that “oh jeez i have a Take on this and have to share it with someone” vibe is like hahaha yeah.....it’s funny in the “the gang goes to the ice rink for a third of the ep” bit where you just catch oscar doing [ice skating turn] with some solemn intensity.......the “here’s a question nobody’s asking: is this worth it” quote.........way at the end where there’s a whole deal with one of the indoor plants and he’s like “why is it a He” @ the collective gendering of the houseplant lmfao.......i love the one thing where he and pam and uhh toby right? have the Finer Things book club or whatever and jim wants to join just like ~ironically~ and pam has to tell him that oscar doesn’t want him to join b/c he’s not going to take it seriously and use it as a Jokes Vehicle. and then you get the scene at the end where jim Is basically doing that and they’re just like taking it out of him and oscar’s all very seriously like “did you get it all out of your system” lmfao like yeah, earnest members only lmao.....the thing where he gets mad at angela’s like Jazz Musician Posed Babies posters all “it’s kitsch it Destroys art” lmaoooo and in a totally different season all “this is the problem with debate” over the completely inconsequential “is [whichever actress, i forget] Hot” “”””debate””””.......the whole tendency to get involved and always have a take to get across.....opinionated-sometimes-to-the-point-of-petty central. also that he’s the canon gay, are there even any others? anyways and as the us office’s spiritual successor i’ll add on to this by uh what’s the name of billy eichner’s character on parks and rec? it’s craig right. that Self-Powered Intensity is very #me as well.

5) augh god........im like lmfao shit who represents my Hater Club side. hmmm. oh no wait you know what. totally different but i love Prof Beatrice Hotchkiss in the trt nancy drew pc game. she’s holed up in her room writing all the time and just is weird when you try to talk to her all like no i won’t open the door, bring me food, do this Research, bring me my Ski Boots i guess......and then when you do meet her it’s all at like post-midnight in the lounge and she’s all like, encouraging you as a Night Owl and your investigative curiosity and all and i’m like oh word yeah being up in the dead of night is the shit. she’s just weird and passionate and this is another character i might not Act hardly at all like but who i vibe with lmfao. hotchkiss was the supportive adult in my life

6) remembering how hotchkiss is a historian made me think of academia which made me think of like, once again with “these vibes are So So Rare” i really ought to put the wrol role of Nato on the list cuz like. that essential representation of “gets gr8 grades but isn’t really ~academic~ / doesn’t care about that and really just cares about Hanging W Friends and [real specific interests]” is like wow damn that’s the Mood. coz like to an extent i can always Relate to the ~overachiever~ types a la the [nerd character gets all-A’s and other nerd shit] deal, but there’s eventually the issue of like.....those characters like bindy mackenzies and alana becks Care about their achievements (not exclusively as some ppl would have it 9_9) and are Studious whereas i always hated school and was a godawful student in terms of Habits and always got good grades b/c the devil was with me or something and like people will think i must have tried real hard and dedicated myself to Academics and stuff and it’s like.........no................not at all hardly, sure i did my hw every night but at like 11:29 pm or studied for a midterm at lunch right before the class lol or flipped through a lil bit of the sat study guide the night prior.........the “low-effort dumbass who Academically Excels Anyhow” representation is so crucial like!! i run into a wall when it’s the Good Grades nerd character who is real studious and focused and stuff like. couldn’t be me. meanwhile the “naturally weird + probably some ‘deliberate’ weirdness” and “likes animals” and “most likely to just wanna Roll With It” and “shitty focus lol” and “non sequiturs” and “without [activity] i do nothing” is all like....ahahahohoho..........nato rly got to make this list. and honorable mention for Wrol Jeremy. again: whom doesn’t relate!!!!!!!!

7) damnit i know there’s So many answers to [characters i relate to] and whom cover like, more particular Facets here but i’m struggling lmao. Uh. like i’m like, who’s the Hot Mess / continually evolving disaster characters i vibe with......who’s the peak despresso detached Haters rep......who embodies the solo production lifestyle........dammit you know what lol i tend to Feel for like, the background ~nobodies~ who might just get like totally destroyed in some movie with life or death stakes just to like, show how much danger our heroes / Important Complex Protags are. same w/ jeremy not feeling like the Hero / the one who the story’s about / the cool guy / player 1 / etc etc etc i’m like oo i’d be the npc who doesn’t really do anything, i’d be the rando getting blown away in the background of someone else’s story. on a totally different note another shoutout / honorable mention to wybie from the coraline lmfao one of the best characters invented from thin air for an adaptation......tangentially relevant b/c he’s entirely here to support the protag / not his story at all, just here to help and prompt interactions / exposition really.......but love that [weird loner kid who’s best friend is a cat and annoys the other kid and doesn’t Get it and has specific interests and entertains himself and just is doing weird shit around here tf dude lmao killing it] like, #mood. #lifestyle. less dismal to relate to than the bg person who dies......his counterpart who totally dies is somewhat fleshed out / given Investment so it doesnt Really count as [background Nobody who’s really just fodder for “defining the stakes / threat level”] Character Concept

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

latkes maybe......Yummy

[shurisneakers]

espresso [6]

Summary: In which your best friend’s brother begins to set you up on dates when you mention that you haven’t been in a relationship in years, but things don’t go as expected.

Warning: swearing, near panic attacks, angst (?)

A/N: this is my entry for the exuberant @odinhson‘s writing challenge thank you to @samingtonwilson for beta-ing this for me

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous part- Part 5 || Espresso Masterlist

Becca: binch

Becca: if i don’t get my nourishment i will Wilt and Die

Becca: if i get out of this bed rn i will literally Cry

Becca: pls get me a coffee kind sir,,, i will be gr8ful

You: um

You: i’ll get it later ok lov u

Becca: wtf why

You: im going to meet fucky at the library

You: *bucky

Becca: youre going to meet my brother again?

You: yes he said he was studying there anyway so I could go meet him there

You: why

Becca: nothing it’s just

You: it’s just?

Becca: nvm it’s nothing go see that smelly bitch biscuit

Becca: but get me the drugs when u come back

_____________

The library was fairly populated for seven in the morning. And, though everyone looked like they could use at least a week’s worth of sleep, they trudged on.

Walking through the aisles, you let your fingers run over the spines of every book, relishing in the feel of their old leather under your touch. It didn’t take log before you found Bucky in the classics section, his back leaning against one of the bookshelves as he scanned the ones in front of him.

“Looking for something specific?” you asked quietly, making him snap his head towards you. He gave you a tired smile before reverting to his original state.

“The Catcher in the Rye. I wanted to borrow it again,” he sounded distant, like his mind was preoccupied.

“Again? You’ve read it more than once?”

“Three times,” he answered, eyes lighting up as he reached forward and grabbed an old, worn out book with a tearing paper cover. His fingers dusted it gently before he opened to the last page, his eyes skimming over the words.

“It’s your favourite book?”

 “I wouldn’t say it’s my favourite book, to be honest.” He flipped it, examining the cover from back to front. “Just the most memorable one. It sorta stuck with me throughout.”

“Why?” you asked curiously, watching as he flipped through the pages, seemingly searching for something within the lines.

“Don’t ask, it’s just gonna come off as pretentious as shit,” he chuckled, shking his head bemusedly, but you could detect a hint of something else behind his words. Bucky loved writing. He loved words. This book obviously meant a lot to him.

“I don’t know who hurt you Bucky Barnes, but I’d sure as fuck want to know why you love that book so much.” You heard a hush on the other side of the bookshelf, making you peep through the shelves only to catch the disapproving glare of the librarian who apparently caught you using unparliamentarily language.

“No one’s hurt me, it’s just-“ he paused to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly, letting his hand linger there. “I didn’t think anybody would care.”

“Oh.” You nudged his foot with yours, making him look at you in surprise. “Well, I care, so go ahead.”

He eyes never left yours and you could see a faint blush spread across his cheeks. Cute ass motherfucker.

Wait-

“Um, I guess it’s kinda because– the thing is– see, I–“ his mouth was moving at a speed much swifter than his brain, you could see it. It was like he had so much to say, almost too much. You gave him an encouraging smile as he took a deep breath to calm himself down before beginning again.

“I’ve read it three times. Every single time it means something different to me, you know? It’s like the words are familiar but everything’s changed,” he tried to convey what he was thinking, but it was clearly something hard to talk about because Bucky rarely ever ran out of words.

“‘Don’t ever tell anyone anything, if you do you start missing everybody.’,” he recited from memory finally showing you the page he stopped on. You shuffled closer to him, leaning on his shoulder to get a better look at the book in his hand. “It’s really hard for me to let others in. Everything becomes too intimate and when they decide to pack up and leave because they can’t handle my shit, it just—it hurts. It’s one of my favorite quotes.”

“It’s beautiful,” you said softly, as he looked at you for a few seconds in silence, not making an attempt to say anything.

“Right, so-“ he cleared his throat, pulling away to put the book back where it belonged. “His name’s Loki. He’s slightly difficult at first, but all he needs is just a little love and attention and he’s good to go.”

“Are we talking about a succulent or a person?” You remained where you were, feeling strangely lightheaded. Bucky glanced at the big clock overhead before returning to you.

“You’ll see.” He winked, shifting from one foot to another. “Now go! I have an hour to spend with calculus and you are going to be late for your first class.”

“You got a shift at the coffee shop today? I could come see you after,” you asked, facing him while walking backwards, your feet moving automatically.

“Not tonight, fam. I’m busy,” he said, looking down just for a second.

“Whatcha up to, barista boy? You got a hot date?” you teased him lightly, shoving your fists into your pockets, delaying your exit.

“I do, actually,” he fired back, making you freeze in your tracks.

“You’re going on a date?” you asked incredulously, your eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

“Yeah. Met an old friend of mine last week and we’re going out tonight.” He shrugged, giving you a half smile.

“Oh shits.” Well, that was new. It had been ages since Bucky had gone out with someone. “Use protection, ya nasty. Don’t want any mini versions of you running around.”

“Yeah, totally. We’re gonna go grab something to eat and fuck behind the church in my pickup truck.” He rolled his eyes, laughing to himself as you snorted.

“You’ve always been a huge part of the Jesus fandom,” you called out, grimacing when you heard the librarian hiss a ‘Quiet!’ at you again.

“Have fun, James. I’ll catch you later.” You shoved your hands further into your pockets, turning around and jogging out before he could get another word in.

_____________

You didn’t expect the goth version of Sabrina the Teenage Witch at the entrance of your building that evening, sporting a look of disdain with a hint of boredom, gracefully covered up with a smile. He was dressed to the nines in all black, which matched his dark hair and starkly contrasted his fair, almost too pale skin.

“You’re Y/N, I presume?” you could hear the remnants of an accent that wasn’t common to your area. He sounded tired but it looked like he was making an effort, so you weren’t completely put off.

You nodded, giving him a small smile. “Loki, right?”

“That’s me. Did James tell you where we’re going tonight?”

“Bucky doesn’t take the effort to tell me anything useful, so I’m pretty uninformed.” You followed him as he walked towards the gate of the compound, his fingers toying with the hem of his sweatshirt.

“That’s weird because I swear he asked me for everything ranging from my birth certificate to my social security number. He wouldn’t even give me your dorm address without it,” he said drily, his smile actually making him look really nice.

“Oh, wow.”

“Yeah, so there’s that carnival or a fair or something that’s come up. I figured we could go check it out.” He gestured to his car.

“Sounds fun.” You offered him a helpful smile, accepting his invitation without much hesitation. Maybe a distraction was exactly what you needed.

_____________

The whole fair was illuminated with lights from the different stalls and you could smell the calories in the air as kids ran around with cotton candy and popcorn and funnel cakes. The ratting of the roller coaster tracks and peals of laughter subconsciously made your heart lift and a grin settled on your face.

“What do you want to do first?” you asked loudly, trying to speak over the crowd.

“I don’t know. It’s so noisy. I wish everyone would just shut up.” He scrunched up his nose in disdain, leaving you to stare at him.

“How about grabbing something to eat first? I’m starving,” you suggested, earning a nod from him as you both made your way down to where most of the food stalls were.

Churros, funnel cake, caramel apples, popcorn and just about everything deep fried was put on display and it smelled pretty fucking great.

“D’you want to try out the hypertension or diabetes on a stick?” you laughed, eyeing everything separately.

“Uh—“ he paused, flinching. “I think I’m good.”

“Not even cotton candy?”

“Definitely not.” He shook his head, eyebrows crinkled in disgust.

“Well, okay, man.” You shrugged, not letting his preferences stop you from going ahead and buying the first thing that caught your eye and had your mouth watering.

He followed you silently through the entire process, only passing an occasional comment on how greasy it was or how unhealthy it was. You took it as a personal challenge to count how many times he nearly gagged.

“Rides or stalls?” You could already predict the kind of night you were in for and at this point you were too tired to not have fun with it.

“Rides, I suppose. We’re too old for the stalls.” He clicked his tongue, putting his hands into the pockets of his skinny jeans, staring disapprovingly at you.

“Oh, you are so right. Papa forbade me from playing games lest I fall victim to pride and immaturity. So pleased that throwing balls into holes is age restricted.” You threw some more popcorn into your mouth, feeling his stare burn into your face as you looked at him without any emotion.

“Didn’t you grow out of them after you turned, I don’t know, fifteen? How old are you?”

“You’re absolutely correct. We should hit the rides soon. I may not last fifteen minutes more. I’m practically decomposing as we speak.” You grinned at him making your way to the roller coaster, leaving him to match your pace.

“Roller coasters?” He called after you, rushing to catch up.

“Yes. Do you not like them?”

If this somehow greasier Tommy Wiseau said anything worse, you swore you literally would tear-

“I just think they’re too jumpy. And erratic. And noisy.”

You spun around wildly to face him, mouth dropping open. “What exactly did you expect from a fair, Lucky?”

“Loki.”

“Gesundheit. Have you ever been to a fair before or-“

You were just about to launch into a large rant when someone’s grip on your shoulder cut you off.

“Mario? What are you doing here?” The all-too-familiar voice made you instantly calm down as your best friend’s brother, your lord and savior, stepped near one of the most annoying people you could have met.

Which would be met with a more enthusiastic response had it not been for the presence of a girl with the most curly red hair accompanying him. She had her arm around his waist whilst his was secured around her shoulders and you immediately felt your words die down in your throat.

“Ah, James. We were just on our date.” He narrowed his eyes at you and you rolled yours at him, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Hey, man. I thought you were taking her to that restaurant down the road?” he questioned as the girl with him sent you a smile. Of course she’d have dimples.

“Thor told me this would better fit her,” Loki replied wearily.

“Wait a minute- you know Thor?”

“Know him?” Loki scoffed. “He’s my brother.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Given, we’re adopted siblings but I have to put up with his nonsense regardless.”

“Oh my fucking God, you’re the bitchy drama goth brother Thor talks about.”

“Bitchy drama goth— you’re lucky you got set up with me and not our sister.”

“I guess this date went super well?” Bucky piped up before you both clawed each other’s throats out.

“Simply wonderful.”

“Great.” He smiled awkwardly, before seemingly remembering who he had with him. “Oh shits, yeah—this is Dolores. Dot. Doll. I don’t know-“

“Dot is fine.” She smiled again, extending her hand in a shake. She had a flower tucked into her ear, matching the colour of her long skirt. Of course she did.

“This is Y/N, my sister’s best friend and that’s Loki,” Bucky introduced live-action Merida to you, as she gracefully replied with a small nod.

“You guys done?” Dot asked, switching her gaze between Loki and you.

“Yup, just finished. Loki was about to drop me off at my place. How about you?” You ignored your date altogether, instead focusing on how relaxed Bucky looked, none of his usual creases to be seen on his face. You liked it.

“I think we’ll hang around for a bit more. What do you say?” She looked up at him and Bucky nodded, a soft smile taking over his face.

“Sounds good to me. Text me when you get home, okay?” he reminded you, suddenly meeting your gaze. Your eyebrows furrowed at the intensity with which he was looking at you, but you gave him a thumbs up, agreeing.

“See ya tomorrow, Mario. Get home safe, please?” He waved one more time, as did Dolores, before they both made their way into the crowd, but not before Bucky threw you one more glance over his shoulder.

“Are you this hostile with every person your friends date or only James?” Loki sniggered from besides you, earning a sharp glare.

“One more word from you Severus and I will buy the oiliest piece of funnel cake and shove it down your throat.

But his words didn’t go over your head. You knew exactly what he was talking about and apparently it was so glaringly obvious that even others could see it.

Yikes.

Part 7

[sophocused]

pursuits of 2019 | a 3am ramble

Hi hi don't mind me as I ramble about all the ideas I have floating about my head bc it's the new year and I'm really excited.

tbh actually I think 2019 is the year I wear my clothes that actually show the shape of my body, idk I think, I've been expressing myself well with the colourful clothes, I think a lot of friends associate colourfulness with me now, which is fucking bomb. I dont even remember the days I would wear all black, or all toned down shades. But yeah for 2019, I wanna wear more non-baggy clothing, colourful just the same... I'll probably treat myself to a lil shopping spree sometime late February or mid-March. Ooo or I'll go thrifting againnn sometime then.

As for school that's coming back, thanks to friends I think the textbooks they provided me saves me $250 of textbook money, and I also switched out one of the 2000 psyc courses for anth1210 which I've been told is super easy so I'm gna work hard to get an A+. I also got psyc 2490 which is a more intermediate elective bc ik essays are involved but I really fucking interested in abnormal psychology. Maybe I can learn something about myself. learn how to help others better. how to help myself better. It's an both electives are online courses so oof I need to FOCUS. Dont get sucked into procrastination temptations and also I need to be frequent in talking to and or meeting up with the profs. I just wanna be more involved for once. I wanna show that i care about the course and not just the number being served up to me on my transcript. Bc that's really important to me in order for me to stay trying and giving a fuck about school. I need to see value in what I'm learning. It's not just a way to my degree. It's not just some stepping stone. The content is worth something to me.

So for winter term, I'm probably going to finally learn how to study in public alone. I'll be able to find more spaces too bc I no longer need places with an outlet bc my parents got me a notebook for Christmas that lasts over 10 hours so FUCK YEA it's so light I'm so happy. My back is so happy holy shit. It's going to add LEAGUES of convenience in my day-to-day uni life tbh. Taking it out during class is easy it so smol and it boots up so fast SIGH i didnt even know I wanted one hahahah I didnt think to get myself something like that or save up for it so glad my parents did. But yeah more study spaces means more practice for me to be alone in public man. I still get anxious sometimes. I feel like I'm being watched. 1. I'm more than most likely not bc everyone's doing their own thing. 2. even if they were, their eyes are just wandering like my eyes do when I casually people watch. I gotta train my mind and body dat it's not a big deal.

Anyway, IM LIMITING MYSELF TO SKIPPING NO MORE THAN 3 TIMES per class. Like I swear to god, it's a 3 strikes I'm out typa thing. Maybe I'll put $10 in a thing for everytime I skip, and donate it to a charity or something. Which isn't very good punishment since I'd be doing a good thing aaaa Idk yet. BASTA. No skipping. Fuck. Skipping was the main fucking reason I did ASS in fall term. That and alternating between "I'll do it at school" and "I'll do it when I get home" too often.

Get your head in the fuckin game nina, I dont wanna see another C or B in that transcript. B+ is the bare minimum standard now. Gotta resurrect that GPA.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. My social life is gna suffer a lil. Hi friends who I normally hang out with or see all the time. You will likely only see me once a week 😅 bc ya girl gotta study for her dreams to come true. I wanna ace human phys 2. I wanna ace microbio. I wanna ace anthropology in humanities. I wanna ace abnormal psychology. I wanna get 7 hours of sleep a night at least. I wanna be ahead in my reading. I wanna be up to date with my class notes. I wanna keep all my files organized. All my due dates organized. I wanna be able to work 14 hours a week, 5 days a week, without feeling like it's in the way of my studies and life in general. I wanna be able to see friends at least sometimes, like a lunch date, bc lord knows I've learned that I cant study as much as when I'm alone compared to when I'm with other people.

I'm gonna cook more often at home too, or do something like that, I hadn't cooked since summer bc of how school got, and thanks to my fam for understanding, but I gotta do my part in the house. take initiative. keep laundry folded gdi. I dont like coming home to a room with a mountain of clothes to fold in a corner and a desk where I can barely see my desk. It just drains me. So knowing this, I'm reminding myself the way I like things, where I want things to go, and what I need to do to get them there.

uh ah uh okay something I realized has been extremely apparent for most of 2018. to put it bluntly, I dont see myself as someone other persons could romantically love. Not after christian tbh. before you think it's because I dont like myself, I love myself. I'm so fucking great at loving myself. The thing is, I worked really hard to love myself, and I'm a constant fluctuating work in progress. and thats not even romantically. so, it just feels like that's how it would be if any other person were to try and love me, that's a whole lot of time and effort, and they'd have to want to want to love me in the first place. THAT sounds like I a lotta work. I dont want to put that pressure on anyone??? I think I'm only making half any sense bc another part of me wants to probably say, "ofc there are people who will want to be with u, u acorn". SO I'm gna follow that little voice this year. Last year I shunned it and focused more on platonic love and woo yeah it's so strong, theres nothing stronger.

I'm gna find me a girl. or a mans. depends who I end up meeting first. I know if it's a girl it's tricky bc how do I know if she's into girls too without exposing that I'm trying to find out if she is for the sole purpose of wanting to flirt with her??? I only just recently embraced my attraction in 2018 so it's like... I got no practice in actually flirting with women. I barely have practice flirting with dudes. Anyway ANYWAY, I'm just letting the universe know that if they got someone in store for me in 2019, my arms and mind are open as hell. I'm gna love them so healthily and we gon have such a fulfilling and respectable dynamic. we're gna be so perfectly imperfect bc we gon understand that we're just people and cant be each other's sole source for all kinds of love and energy, that would otherwise be given by many different types or friends and family members even.

WOW I'm really sleepy hmm maybe I'm finally all rambled out.

[emoali]

Friday🔴

I feel like i just want to go because his parents are always fighting

This morning Irma was being to aggressive with Ernie and the dogs

Idk how many times IV said we need to get out of this house to Brian

Its a mind fuck.... Happy one min... Angry the next....

My environment is stressful...

It's effecting my relationship

Then last night we were watching a fictional show... I say wow these are the worst kinds of people... He agrees and takes it to that next level... Yeah they need to be dragged to the streets and then there mothers need to be dragged out and shot.. Iv said to him before like Briannnn why do you take it to that lvl... Its scary but im not scared of him...its more unsettling...

When I came in wanting to vent about Brian and my situation I was hoping to just get and idea on how to cope in such a stressful environment... But it ended up being a whole thing now...

Something that kinda bothers me is that he uses the bathroom with the door open and so do his parents...

When things dont go as planned I freak out...as u know I hit myself when I thought I wasnt going to get this job... So now my whole lofe isnt going as planned and it's freaking me out...

I hate the way he chews his food 😠

He told his parents he did the online interview already I knew deep down he didn't so I asked as he was eating... "I about to do it right now"...

Instead of studying interview tips...

Hes studys Diablo....

Idk if hes doing that kind of stuff when I'm at work but I highly doubt it...

When I was crying hitting myself because I didnt get this job he wasn't putting anymore effort than what hes doing now to get a job...

I remeber telling him that he should take this job thats showing him how much I wanted him to get work... And I still ended up getting back to work before him...its been a month now and to see that he still hasnt gotten an interview...

That should be eye opening...

I worry that he'll get a job before jan 1 Nd then I wont have an excuse to leave...

But at this pace I dont really have much to worry about... I'm sure he'll get a job before Jan but fuck this Hurts to much...

Its like iv taken the rose tinted goggles off and I dont like the view... It Hurts so much... It feels like someones dieing

Living in the twilightzone haha and just as doom and gloom things seem...

Brian start putting on his suit for the interview and he's stuggling because its my shirt and he Hurt his hand ✋ on the fan I couldnt help but laugh but I also tried to take care of him and baby him.

We tried on another shirt and I tried to build him up by giving him compliments and kissing him fixing his tie and his shirt but it didn't work so I pulled out a shirt I know he looks good in told him to try it on he was immediately much happier we put on the necktie and I fixed it up I also fixed his bun and buttoned up two shirts up because his fingers were hurt. He said that he didn't want to do it today that he would do it tomorrow morning first thing. I told him that would be good and he could go for a little walk to get himself pumped up and then shower and get the interview over with tomorrow first thing.

I didn't want to give him any bad feelings I wanted to make sure he was okay because interviews are intense

After he felt a hundred times better he looked in the mirror after I got them all done in his suit and he got emotional... He said he had forgotten how good it felt to wear a suit and that hes able to see the realtor and salesman again. He said that you had forgotten after a year or more with swearing t-shirt and gym shorts. I was happy to see that he was emotional and excited for the future. He was also looking in the mirror saying how he wants to eat better and lose weight there was no motivation. For how long he will be able to ride that motivation we'll have to see.

I also asked if he had been preparing for the interview somehow mentally and he said that he's been doing a lot of mental preparation for the interview so all I can do is believe him...

At dinner we all sat at the table and ate a nice home cooked meal with the TV off... As nice as that sounds I knew something would off put me...

They were talking about the neighbors and mentioned this lady who needed to leaver her husband and I almost cried

They started talking about Tyler and him moving to be a travling nurse and bringing Peyton...he didnt even call her by the right name he called her page mutple times.

Then ernie started talking about how he is still mad at Lexa and how he was supposed to get grandkids this year...

Then he started going down the line

(By this time Brian was already done eating his dinner was he cleaning up...no)

He starts talking about Eric and whats hes up to and how his life is fucked up

Brian consoles him with a pat on the back saying hey dont worry no regrets

He states that EJ will never give him grandkids... That leaves Brian and I... He doesnt say anything because he knows it just makes me uncomfortable and there nothing we can do right now...

He sighs and looks down and says that hes upset he will never have grand kids..

Im not done eating but I get up before I have to sit at that akward ass table any longer...

I dont want to a baby maker...

I don't want to be the reason why someone doesn't feel like their life is fulfilled...

Thats the kind of pressure we get all the time...

But its like at some point you have to understand that its not a motivation question to ask when something's going to happen it makes me sad... Its a constant reminder that im not where I thought I would be...

I get that they have invested in me and Brian becuase yes we did want that at one point...

But I was young and full of hopes of being rich in real estate... Things change... And I dont really want kids anymore... I want to travel...and chill lol

Brian walks into the game room as im writing this and says "hey bubba" and "Heyy" were used to sweeping these things under the rug...

And licking eatch other wounds... No more! I tell him! Its a constant reminder that we didnt achieve our goals when we wanted and I dont need that stress in my life... Brian has put me in these awkward positions before... He never sticks up for me or us.... And that Is unattractive...

[pinksausageduo]

kim jaehwan|enemies to lovers

gif @onqs​

member: kim jaehwan genre: fluffy  summary: school au! enemies to lovers au! jaehwan and you were rivals from the moment both of you stepped into high school but you never expected him to audition for the female lead role in the play AND GET IT??!! but one late night some paint, confessions and kisses. a lot can change. requested: not really? enemies to lovers series: bae jinyoung | ong seongwoo | park jihoon | kim jaehwan | lai guanlin | ha sungwoon | hwang minhyun | yoon jisung

you look at the cast list in absolute shock and disgust 

the realisation of what's happened slowly dawned on you

and before you know it you scream 

"KIM JAEHWAN IM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!"

jaehwan looks at you like a deer in headlights

he takes one look at the list and smirks and gives a little scoff

from that small action you snapped 

he realised that the moment you started to sprint towards him

"oh fucking shit" was the last three words he said before you chased him all around the school

you guys got all the way to the cafeteria with him sweating buckets and you screaming insults at him

right before you got to him you felt someone's arms wrap around your waist

you whip your head around to see minhyun 

and he said to you in his most soothing voice he said to you

"y/n calm down doing anything to jaehwan won't help" 

you were glaring daggers at minhyun for being right but you did relax slightly 

and before you could reply back jaehwan bluntly said to you while panting 

"wow y/n you really are fucking crazy it's only a stupid school play what the fuck is wrong with you?" 

you could feel the prickle in your eyes and all you wanted to do was slap jaehwan 

but you couldn't instead you just whispered "fuck you" and you cringed as you could hear the hurt in your voice 

and before anyone could utter a sound you walked out of there with everyone looking at you 

you could hear jisung berating jaehwan in the distance 

but you didn't care one single bit and the moment you got to the bathroom you sobbed your heart out 

you knew jaehwan was right it was a stupid school play but to you it was the chance for a scholarship and an actual decent future in music/drama 

and of course that chance was snatched up by mr golden music student 

jaehwan and you had been rivals from the moment you guys entered in high school

choirs, plays, musicals, bands anything related to music or drama 

you guys would compete for the solo, top spot, first selection and the list went on 

it was always pretty tense between you two

this was the last year of high school for both of you

and your one and only chance to get a scholarship to major music at university 

you thought that you'd have the female lead role no problem

but you didn't expect jaehwan to audition

he stupidly auditioned for the female role for a bet with sungwoon, daniel and seongwoo 

and the fact that he got the role even though he was a guy 

and that you became his understudy killed you 

you knew he didn't care about the play he'd barely practice his lines but get away with everything because of his angelic voice 

especially since it was a musical 

and he'd have no trouble getting into a university since he didn't have any financial problems like you 

you knew without a scholarship there's no way in hell you could major music in any university 

so the rivalry between you and jaehwan that day completely cemented into plain hatred 

the next few weeks between were hell for anyone around you two

both of you were stubborn loud and extremely annoying

usually he'd start it with something like 

"oh poor y/n studying MY lines" he'd mock as he saw you reading the leads line

you coldy laughed and replied "i've already learnt them i'm just waiting to tell you when you fuck up"

he then childly stuck his tongue out and you'd just cocked an eyebrow 

“you were supposed to hit a G not a G#” you'd smirk and he'd retort

“fuck off you can't even reach a 3rd octave C” making you blush slightly then your scoff and walk away

the teasing was constant and sometimes you couldn't help it you had to smile at his witty remarks 

"how's the dress??"

"very aerated i think the costume adjuster had a bit of a shock when i wasn't wear underwear in a white sheer dress" he said with a cheeky smile

it took every little bit of you not to laugh your ass off but you were grinning widely

jaehwan unbeknownst to him was smiling brightly at the extremely pretty smile you were currently wearing 

and your heart fluttered seeing him looking right at you

both of you were cursing yourselves in your head 

you realised that even though jaehwan said it was a stupid school play 

he was working his ass off

reaching every note and reciting every line basically flawlessly 

you were genuinely surprised about how much effort he was putting in

but worried since there was no chance you would catch the attention of the scouts with him performing 

jaehwan knew you thought of him as a lazy ass and sometimes he was

but this time he wanted to do well 

a little voice in his head was saying that it was to impress you but he completely disregarded that fact 

over the few weeks jaehwan started to realise how different you were from before 

before you'd radiate with confidence and expressed yourself 

now you kept to yourself

he felt kinda shitty because he knew it was not getting the role

but he genuinely had no idea why you were so upset about not getting it 

so one late night when both of you were the last ones at the auditorium he planned to ask you 

you were painting one of the backdrops

you jumped in fright when jaehwan said hey

you couldn't help but appreciate how good he looked in a white button up and fitted jeans 

"done checking me out yet?" jaehwan said with a little triumphant smirk

"i wasn't!!" you retorted with a deep red blush on your cheeks

you continued "what do you want"

jaehwan asked "i wanted to know why not getting the lead role bothered you so much?"

you were confused at why he was asking this and you automatically became defensive

"why? so you can tease me with the reason now?"

jaehwan shook his head "no i'm genuinely curious and concerned" he said the last bit so quietly thinking you won't hear 

but you did and you blushed and your heart skipped a beat 

then you realised 

kim jaehwan cared about you 

and you didn't hate it at all, surprisingly you felt all warm and fuzzy 

and before you know it you told him why

"basically this is the my last chance to get a scholarship and without it i can't get into any universities to major in music but there's absolutely no chance i can get it now" 

a shot of guilt went through jaehwan he felt really bad now but he was also slightly confused 

"but aren't you parents well off enough to send you without scholarship or financial aid" he asked 

"yeah they are but they don't support my music career at all and they want me to do law or medicine or something like that" you said with a stone cold voice 

he swore, his parents were super supportive he couldn't imagine what it was like for you 

he needed to do something and he already had an idea but he needed to wait for tomorrow to do it

surprising himself he didn't want to leave you 

"do you need some help?" jaehwan asked

you knew how late it was and wanted to refuse but it would take hours to finish this by yourself so you gratefully accepted

"thank you really" you smiled softly at him

and he smiled back 

he couldn't help but admire how beautiful you looked smiling 

for a few minutes you two were in comfortable silence but you suddenly felt some cold white paint on your cheek

you look at him in fake shock with him grinning cheekily

"YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT JAEHWAN!!!" 

the next thirty minutes became basically a paint fight it was so much fun for both of you and jaehwan kept on making you laugh 

"NOT THE HAIR DONT YOU DARE TOUCH THE HAIR!!!" jaehwan screamed as you evilly smirked at him with a paintbrush in your hand

you couldn't help but throw your head back laughing at his high pitched scream 

at that moment jaehwan swiped his paintbrush with blue paint across your shirt 

he then started sprinting and you went straight after him

he suddenly stopped and you ran straight into him toppling the both of you onto the ground 

with you on top of him

"i'm so sorry" you said embarrassed before you were completely silenced

as jaehwan tried to wipe some paint of your lips saying "you have a little something there"

with your noses nearly touching

you felt like your heart would actually burst out of your chest  

he couldn’t help but glance at your lips

and before you knew it both of you were leaning in

and your lips met a warm pair of soft lips 

your kiss with jaehwan was long slow and really sweet

during the whole thing you were just melting into a puddle 

you two eventually part and end up lying on the floor

you quietly asked "did that really actually happen?"

"i think it did" he whispered still in shock

but before you both knew it you both burst into laughing rolling around clutching your stomachs

"this is so bloody ironic how would i have ever known that i'd kiss my absolute rival"you chuckled 

"hey! admit it was good though" jaehwan said smirking 

"never" you say cooly with a cheeky smile 

"oh you're gonna pay for that" jaehwan said with a huge smile on his face

he stood up and so did you the moment you did 

he quickly you again kissed you sweetly 

then continued to peck you everywhere 

making you giggle and tell him to stop

by the end of it both of you were sporting the widest grins 

you guys finished the backdrop with quick kisses and flirty teasing 

you guys went home in clothes with paint marks everywhere 

jaehwan came into the guys shared appartement at 3 in the morning

"KIM JAEHWAN YOU BETTER GIVE ME A GOOD ASS REASON WHY YOURE SO LATE!!!" jisung yelled 

jaehwan winced 

and he spot basically all the older guys looking at him with smirks and curious faces 

he huffed and puffed before he hesitantly said "i went on a date with y/n??"

all the guys roared with laughter at this and sungwoon replied "stop bullshitting us jaehwan what did you actually do"

jaehwan adamantly replied "I DID!! it wasn't an official date but we did kiss, multiple times" 

the guys were SHOOK 

and minhyun spoke up "wait it's true that y/n had to stay to paint the backdrop and jaehwan’s covered in paint???" 

"but jaehwan and y/n they were screaming insults at each other just yesterday" seongwoo disbelievingly said 

"wait so basically all your hatred for each other was you guys trying to mask your feelings and the sexual chemistry finally exploded??" daniel asked

"i guess so when you put it that way" jaehwan replied hesitantly 

all the guys collectively went "shit" 

it was just a few moments of silence 

before daniel burst into a loud song and dance 

"JAEHWAN WONT DIEEEE ALONEEEEE"

seongwoo automatically joined singing  "LIKE WE ALL THOUGHT HE WOU-oooo-LD" 

"but we don't know that yet~~~~" sungwoon finished with a trill

"YAH!!! IM NOT THAT BAD" jaehwan replied 

"you totally are" jisung butted him smiling at the guys singing the song over and over again 

but jaehwan turned his focus to minhyun "hyung you said you didn't want to do the play anymore right?" he said

"yeah wh??" minhyun replied

"well if i could take your spot as the male lead that means y/n can take the spot as female lead" jaehwan pleaded

"wow he really is whipped" seongwoo interrupted smirking making jaehwan flip him off

"what about the bet though?" minhyun asked he remembered the guys promising jaehwan $1000 if he went through with this

"i don't fucking care about that y/n needs the role to get a scholarship since her parents aren't even providing a single dollar for her" he retorted 

minhyun smiled softly at his response

he wanted to make sure jaehwan properly liked you

you and him were really good friends and he couldn't help but be protective

"well if that's the case i'll quit tomorrow" minhyun said with a smile 

you entered the rehearsal nervous after what happened yesterday night 

you had no idea if jaehwan actually liked you

and you couldn't help but feel your heart ache as you thought of that

last night after hours of tossing and turning you knew you were 100% already falling for him

you were way before yesterday

it was since you guys started to compete with each other you always couldn't help but admire his skills and his easy going humour not to mention his adorable good looks

but last night you finally got to take the rivalry out of the equation

and maybe have something more

just at that moment you felt a pair of arms wrapping around your waist

"miss me??" jaehwan said sweetly in your ear

you quickly turned around and responded with a smile "i never knew you were this coupley with girls you don't like"

jaehwan looked at you incredously and said "i'm not, only with the girls i really like"

you said acting puzzled "then why are you with me"

he smiled softly saying "you idiot it's because i like you" 

your heart couldn't help but flutter at his words you shyly smiled

but before you could say anything 

the drama teacher came up to you two 

"y/n since minhyun dropped out, jaehwan will be taking his place and you'll be taking jaehwan’s place as female lead, is that alright?" 

your mouth dropped and you quickly blurted out "of course thank you so much!"

she smiled and said "i think you need to thank the guy who you have your arms around"  

you turned to face jaehwan with shocked eyes and him grinning 

"you did this for me?" you whispered 

"of course what did i tell you i like you a lot y/n" he replied sweetly 

he continued "plus minhyun didn't really want to continue so it was an easy decision" 

before you could help yourself you gave him a long deep kiss

"thank you if you want anything just tell me okay?" you said gratefully 

jaehwan suggestively said "one thing actually"

you couldn't help but roll your eyes "it's been a few seconds and you're already asking for favours" you say jokingly 

"well it's only one thing sooooo you can shut up or i'll shut you up myself" he said with a suggestive wink making you laugh and hit him lightly and said to him "just spill"

"y/n will you be my girlfriend???" he said much more nervously then he would of liked too

you were shocked like you felt like your heart literally stopped

but you knew you already were in deep, you fell for him ages ago but just didn't realise till now 

so without hesitant you smiled widely and said sweetly "yes of course i will" 

jaehwan felt like he was on top of the world as he spun you around and you were giggling

everyone was wolf whistling and applauding as jaehwan kissed you again 

both of you kept stopping to smile

making your heart feel ridiculously soft 

the next few months was probably the best few months of your life

the rivalry with jaehwan turned into the best relationship you could imagine

you were basically radiating in happiness

add the preparation for the musical was running so smoothly 

and everyone said except jaehwan of course that you were better as the female lead

he is main everything 

it was the night of the play and the auditorium was packed 

so many people attending were attending since your school was one of the best private schools in the country and the end of year plays so many famous alumni and scouts come 

you were getting last minute jitters but jaehwan was calming you down

"what if i miss a note? or mess up one of my lines?" you said pacing backstage waiting for your cue

"y/n sweetheart calm down" jaehwan said calmly wrapping his arms around you

you instantly calmed down in his arms they were warm safe and your favourite place to be 

stroking your hair jaehwan whispered softly "you'll be amazing you always are that's why i fell for you so many years ago when you were the first one to go up in music class and completely amazed everyone it's the same thing today you'll be amazing to the point they'll never let them forget your name" 

it was the first time jaehwan ever said something so sincere and sweet to you

"i love you jaehwan" you said for the first time in your relationship 

he looked at you shocked but broke out into the most heart warming grin 

"i love you too y/n now show everyone how amazing my girl is" he said kissing your forehead and another quick peck of your lips

with a huge smile and a new found confidence 

you killed it and so did jaehwan both of you were bloody brilliant

when it was both of your turns to bow everyone was giving you both a standing ovation

after looking taking off your costumes and makeup you left backstage to find your parents 

both of your parents were so proud of you

but what your parents said to you made you feel on the top of the world "we wanted to tell you we'll allow, support and pay for you to major in music we saw you today and we can't deny the huge amount of talent you have" 

you basically broke out in tears and hugged them so tightly but you were interrupted by a voice 

"i'm so sorry to interrupt but i overheard your conversation and i'd like to offer both of you a spot at juilliard that performance was the best i've seen in a while” said a male in an impeccable suit 

both of you were so shocked and you managed to squeak out "thank you so much" 

he grinned wryly "you both deserve it" he said handing you two his business card saying to give him a call when you made your decision 

with shaking hands both of you accepted 

jaehwan looks at you in disbelief "we're going to juilliard, we're going to juilliard, WE'RE GOING TO JULLIARD!!!" he finishes screaming in his famous vocals 

everyone around you winced at the his voice but you didn't care you were just so so happy 

he whisked you up and spun you around you were laughing happily

as he set you down he looked at you with an adoring set of eyes

"we're going to juilliard jaehwan together we're going to blow everyone socks off" you say still smiling brightly and eyes twinkling

in typical jaehwan style he cheekily retorted "i think i can speed that process up"

you look at him confused but your confusion quickly disappeared 

as everyone proceeded to clap and with a few shouts from the wanna one guys 

"HELL YES!!" "DAMNNNNNN" 

as jaehwan proceeded to kiss your socks off

WOOHOO YESS FINALLY 4TH INSTALLEMENT OF THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS SERIES i really hope y’all liked it because i worked my ass off for this fic like i spent hours on this anyways i think i’m going to do guanlin next WHICH IM SO EXCITED FOR so look forward to that!!!

love you all don't be afraid to message me or just send me an anon!!

enemies to lovers series: bae jinyoung | ong seongwoo | park jihoon | kim jaehwan | lai guanlin | ha sungwoon | hwang minhyun | yoon jisung

[wanna1things]

Undercover Agent!Yoon Jisung

i LOVE jisung SO MUCH and gjhdgfhgsjf he looks so gOOD in his teaser pics lmao gtg byeee

Genre;; uhh undercover agent!au,, fluff,, sorry if the stuff about the police and stuff is wrong lmao am not a cia agent

Warnings;; theres mention of a contract killing & hits and a bar and like,, gang stuff??

Pairing;; Yoon Jisung x reader

Requested;; nope

Summary;; You are undercover for the organised crime unit. Yoon Jisung is your prime suspect for the contract killing of a rival gang member. Little do you know, he’s thinking the exact same thing about you...

Style;; bullet point + stuff

Word Count;; 1801

im SUPER sorry;; if you’ve requested something im super busy w family stuff and work but next week im free so ill get the requests done,, this was just something i’ve had written for a while lol its basically the plot of an episode of a tv show i watched when i was in spain in august idek what it was called but it was super cute and i thought it fit jisung because?? idk i feel like his personality fits this sort of thing lol anyway hope u enjoy

you joined the organised crime unit straight out of police training and tbh you were a prodigy

you were known for solving cases in record speed and you were always effective in undercover work

you knew of someone else on the force who was just as good at solving cases/being undercover as you were

but you had no idea who they were, just that they were in the homicide unit

anyway

your unit had been following a gang for quite a while

and you’d come to know all of their members quite well

when suddenly, the guy you were preparing to arrest was killed by a contract killer

your unit managed to catch the killer and he confessed that he was paid to kill the guy by a guy within the main gang in the city

and so your unit decided,, you should go undercover

you studied up on the members of this second gang and you focused all of your efforts on who appeared to be pulling the strings even though he wasn’t the leader

this guy called yoon jisung

luckily someone else in your unit was already undercover in the gang and so when you joined he introduced you as his half-sister

and straight away you spotted jisung looking at you up and down

you knew he was a bad guy, his files said left the police force a year ago and joined the gang straight away

he was very close to the leader already and was almost like his right hand man

little did you know, jisung was also an undercover agent

THE undercover agent from the homicide unit

he kept his real name in the gang to make his story more believable,, also because he can’t deal with fake names because he’d never adjust to being called something else lol

but boy did he think it was fishy that straight after this guy from another gang was killed that you were introduced

he immediately suspected you were in some way connected to the contract killing,, probably because you had close ties to a contract killer or something

anyway

after the gang meeting where you were introduced he approaches you straight away

and you're just like wow okay that was easy lol already my suspect is talking to me try to find info;;

that's literally exactly what he's trying to do with you as well

ahhh when he starts speaking to you you realise ;; oh my god;; he’s actually super good looking lmao no don't fall in love with a criminal

he holds out his hand for you to shake it and he smiles wide and tilts his head to the side slightly

‘Hello, y/n!! I’m Yoon Jisung!!’

you take his hand hesitantly because how is someone in a gang this bright lmao

he immediately starts asking you where you’re from and stuff which is really cute because he’s listening so intently to everything you say and he seems really interested

he’s interested for a different reason lol

so you recite what your,, fake,, life history is

it’s got bits of truth in there too but your undercover identity is that you do really have “ties” to a contract killer organisation

lmao bad idea jisung is even more suspicious

but

he also thinks you’re really cute and sweet?? Like??

and he's mentally kicking himself like lmao they’re a cold hearted killer don't fall in love

and over the next few weeks you’re always put on jobs together

when you both had to go to a meeting with the head of a supplier chain he claimed that ‘the boss told him that you needed to accompany him’

your coworker later revealed to you that no… jisung requested that you went with him to the meeting

this all was a bit,, suspicious but

you accepted it because it meant you could get close to your suspect even if it was in a weird way

one day, after you attend another meeting together he invites you out to a bar for a drink

and the gang you two are in basically controls that bar lol

so you decide you’ll try to get him drunk and get some information out of him so you can arrest him

but when you get there turns out he had the same idea and you both order virgin drinks lol

anyway

you swallow your pride and ask him about the case and you find that he oddly knows a lot??

like he knows who did it ok suspicious much jisung

and he’s realising that you know who did it too,, which is also really making you look suspicious lol

but you’re also realising that under this soft light god damn is he beautiful?? Oh my god??

lmao he's thinking the same about you like god they’re so?? Evil?? But so?? Good looking??

of course its jisung so he makes lots of terrible jokes along the way when will he stop

out of nowhere he starts to talk to you about the story of his friend in the gang being killed in a hit by the gang the guy who died was from

and he was telling the whole truth, his friend was undercover with him (which he didn't mention obviously lol) and he was killed

and jisung didn't know why he was opening up to you but you just seemed so easy to talk to lol

and you could tell this thing with his friend was really eating at him like he was truly upset wow gangsters have feelings??

in the back of your mind you were thinking ok motive found but you pushed it aside because he was really opening his heart to you and he was genuinely upset and no decent human being is about to ignore someone in distress

so as it seemed like he was about to cry you took hold of his hands and held them

he squeezed your hands back and looked up

and oh my god

he was crying but it was like a hiccupy cry (you know the one)

and it was so cute because he was smiling at you as well as like;; a thank you for being so comforting

and seriously this guy is damn cute for a gangster like wow how??

but really your feelings for each other are just getting deeper and deeper and you know it's so wrong because you’re meant to be arresting each other but you know love you can't help it

soon enough you guys are pretty much partners (in crime, literally)

like you always attend meetings together and stuff,, and y'all are both close to the boss

and you can full on admit you’ve totally fallen for this weird soppy cute gangster and don't tell anyone but he's fallen for you too UH

when suddenly there's an attempt on your colleague's life, the guy who you’re undercover with

and almost immediately there's a retaliation from what seems to be your gang

something clicks inside your brain and you realise

jisung put the hit out for that retaliation

nobody died but he did it because well you’re his partner, and your colleague is supposed to be your brother so it's like the done thing in a gang lol

little do you know, he's thinking the same about you, that you put the hit out yourself because well… it's your brother of course you’re going to get one back

so that night he decides to invite you out for a drink and then he’ll arrest you because well clear motive??

and when he invites you, you also decide that tonight's the night you’ll arrest him because DAMN the evidence is overwhelming

when you both arrive at the same bar as you went to before, you both order virgin cocktails and sit next to each other at the bar

reminiscing about the past few months of knowing each other and stuff, and laughing about how dumb jisung looked when he cried (sorry jisung youre cute i love you really??)

after a while theres a break of silence

and you both reach into your pockets/bags and pick out the handcuffs inside

you breathe in and out slowly and turn to fake jisung right as he turns to face you with his hands in his pockets

‘y/n, you’re under arrest-’

‘jisung, you’re under arrest-’

‘wait, what??’

Jisung stands up straight away and hes completely taken aback like whats going on

And theres a total ruckus going on in the bar now because ok theres two policemen here?? what

Jisung quickly grabs your hand and pulls you out of the bar and down into an alley beside it

as you’re trying to recover from that shock he fires questions at you like;;; quick fire

‘What was that?? You’re police too? What unit? Why didnt you tell me? Were you going to arrest me? What for? Oh my god, my boss is going to kill me…’

somehow you find the humour in all this

like you were just about to arrest each other for the exact same crime at the exact same time but you’re both undercover agents

(pls @ police units improve communication look what you’ve done)

when he hears your soft giggles he stops worrying and just joins in laughing because

admit it

its pretty funny yall were both the best undercover agents and you just tried to arrest each other

then he realises this cute little gang member he has a crush on isn't a gang member at all and there is no reason that he can’t kiss them right now

so he does

right then and there

and of course you’re shooketh because oh yeah;; he’s not a gangster i can totally do this and not feel bad lol

and then you realise your cover is completely and utterly blown and you can’t stay undercover anymore because BASICALLY the whole gang knows you’re policemen… either that or they think you’re into really kinky stuff oo ;)

and you can see the look on jisungs face when he realises it too but

‘Cover is blown but… got to admit it was worth it’

and he leans in to kiss you again uh BLESS

after that mess of a case you join the same unit as jisung and you two become the famous undercover couple

you always go undercover together, always as a couple because a) its easy and b) you don’t even have to act

every time someone new joins the unit you take your roles as the official parents™ of the unit and you train everyone who wants to go undercover as though they’re like your child uhh cute

your picture is up in the hall of fame for agents and sgadjfg the picture is so cute because you LOOK like parents

basically you two are like the cutest and the BIGGEST undercover agent power couple

ahhhh i hope this was enjoyable to read,, i wrote it on the train when i was on holiday so yknow not the best quality of writing but i thought it was cute so!!