#im so repulsive and off putting clearly :')

[bunnihearted]

i feel like many ppl dont understand just how unwanted i am and how deeply it affects me... my presence isnt wanted anywhere, and wherever i go i feel like im not allowed to exist. im never anyone's first choice. never the first favorite friend. never this never that. like im never the first choice for anyone, just now i almost got hit by a car bc the driver chose to not hit another person close by. they would've rather hit me than that person. and that's just how it goes for me wherever i go. im lucky when and if im even tolerated. but im not wanted or the first choice or the favorite. that just makes me feel so profoundly alone, like i dont belong anywhere or is even allowed to breathe the same air as everyone else.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Ive been thinking a lot about Feysand UTM fanart lately and why it discomforts me the way it does. Like, i know a lot of people like to complain about it and shame feysand shippers for romantizing that part of the story and i get it, but I also understand that sometimes people have dub-con or even non-con fantasies and thats very normal, hell, I love reading dark romance stuff involving dubious or even no consent because I think it can be very hot. Well, as long as its not cishet. I think Ive talked about this before, but when I see dark romance where theres a submissive traditionally feminine fragile "girl" and a dominant dark dangerous man, i just see The Patriarchy but on a smaller scale and while I can understand why a lot of people do find that hot in some way, i just find it kinda repulsive, so its only hot to me if its gay pretty much. or if the woman is the dominant one but its so hard to find stories like that

Anyway, so thats my first reason for disliking that genre of Feysand fanart i guess, although its really more of a reason for my dislike of Feysand as a pairing in general. The second reason is that Feysand shipper as a whole often put themselves on a moral high ground because their ship is the one thats 'healthy' and 'feminist', so it really rubs me the wrong way to see those same people create art about the traumatic events that the female main character went through that does not center her trauma at all and in fact objectifies her. And like, there are definitely plenty of Feysand shippers who like it exactly because its fucked up and a typical dark romance couple (i mean just look at all the people who only ship acotar!feysand because its the only version of the ship thats genuinely dark and they like that) and Im guessing those are the people who usually draw romanticised UTM fanart, but it does still find appeal in the broader fandom space so I think my point still stands

And now the last reason: the original UTM scene is not written to be titillating at all. Like, I just said that I find dub-con/non-con stuff pretty hot so Ive read a lot of it, and there tends to be a very distinct difference between non-con fiction thats supposed to be hot and get you off and fiction about rape or SA that actually explores the topic in a serious manner, and the original UTM scene is very clearly a case of the latter, so I find it pretty discomforting when fans (and the books themselves tbh) retcon it into being hot instead when its like, thats clearly not what it was originally imo

[knoxvillesjackass]

Hi! So I had an idea for a young johnny x fem reader smut after listening to the song "save that shit" by lil peep basically I imagined the reader and johnny are dating but his stunts are getting progressively more and more dangerous and she can't take it anymore and the last straw for her is when he does a stupid stunt (maybe like jumping off of something) and gets hurt again and they have a massive argument and she says she's going to leave him and at some point during the argument he says "Do I make you scared? Baby, won't you take me back?" Maybe she even says she wishes she had a "normal" boyfriend and johnny says "Im nothin' like them other motherfuckers, I can make you rich." And the argument leads to angry sex but then they make up and fluff in the end(?)

Sorry if this is all over the place or too complicated to do, I totally understand

I love your writing btw, especially your latest johnny fic!

Thanks :)

𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭 - 𝐣.𝐤

i wrote this when i was sleep-deprived following a nervous breakdown because uni starts next week, so i'm sorry for how this turned out, but i hope it's somewhat readable?

warnings! degrading dirty talk, angry sex, choking, missionary, thigh riding!

words; 2.430

You couldn't even call this a stunt. No, this was merely shits and giggles, and you were having none of it.

"Jeff, please tell him to quit this shit, now."

Johnny wouldn't listen to you, you were sure of it, but maybe he'd listen to Tremaine, but who were you kidding? Tremaine was just as insane as everyone else in the crew.

You watched as Johnny climbed a fifty-foot crane with the intent of jumping from it, with nothing but a flimsy parachute to protect his fall.

You were repulsed by the stunt, but even more by how your boyfriend had neglected your feelings and put this stunt before anything- and anyone.

"Y/N, this is Johnny we're talking about. He's not gonna fucking listen to me," Jeff chuckled to which you rolled your eyes.

Johnny was an adrenaline junkie to the core, and you'd accepted that when you started dating him three years ago. What you hadn't been prepared for was the absolute hell, the man was willing to put himself through in order of getting good footage.

Countless arguments erupted because of that. You'd scold him for putting his life on the line and he'd ignore everything you'd say.

But what was about to happen was some next-level bullshit, and you'd just about had enough.

"Let's start with twenty feet!" Johnny yelled as he stopped climbing and looked down at the crowd gathered below him. Medics and the cast waited on the sideline, and you stood, nervously fidgeting next to Ryan Dunn.

"Whenever you're ready!" Tremaine yelled back and without as much as a warning, Johnny leapt from the crane and activated the smallest parachute, you'd ever seen in your life.

You turned your back just in time to miss the moment when Johnny hit the ground, thankfully. You could hear the thump though, and it made your heart beat so fast, to the point of feeling nauseous.

"Dunn?" You asked and Ryan looked at you, quickly wiping the worried expression from his face when he saw your panicked state.

You turned around slowly. Johnny had stood up. He was laughing with Steve-O and Bam as if nothing had ever happened.

This fucking guy, you thought and pursed your lips. This fucking guy just had a near-death experience and now he was laughing and joking around. You were repulsed but more than anything; you were fucking furious.

Johnny scanned the area around him and eventually, his sight landed on you. You were biting your cheek and shaking your head.

Johnny approached you, clearly aware of what you were feeling, but a glimpse in his eyes told you, that he really didn't give a shit.

"Starting with twenty feet? Are you fucking shitting me?" You hissed and pushed him away when Johnny tried to embrace you.

"I'm not fucking shitting you, and will you please keep your voice down? I don't wanna do this right now," Johnny sneered quietly and you yelped at his question. "No, I'd rather do it now, actually, considering you'll probably be dead within the next twenty minutes," you said and raised your voice to which Johnny shushed you loudly and looked around to ensure that you weren't attracting too much attention.

"Y/N, get in your car and leave," Johnny said, stepping closer to you and towering over your much shorter frame. You looked up at Johnny and stomped on the ground, a loud whine following.

"Now, Y/N."

You watched as his eyes darkened and decided that you actually didn't even want to stick around him and his shitshow any longer.

You shook your head and chuckled in dismay, turning your back to Johnny and leaving without looking back once.

It wasn't the fact, that Johnny did stunts or enjoyed high-speed activities. It was the fact that he couldn't seem to keep it together once he'd started. A simple idea would turn into a life-threatening stunt, and that was what you hated.

You drove home with such anger radiating through your veins, that you could hardly handle it.

He was gonna get himself killed one day, and you were going to be left with pain greater than what he'd ever experienced.

-

A couple hours had passed by, and with no Johnny home, or even a phone call, you were starting to get worried.

Lord knows how far they'd gone. Thirty feet, forty feet, maybe even fifty? The injuries a fall like that could cause. Urgh, you didn't even want to think about it.

You didn't have to, because the sound of the door opening and closing snapped you out of your wandering thoughts.

You'd spent the whole afternoon in a pissy mood, bitching over how Johnny had treated you like crap earlier that day. But you'd also spent the afternoon thinking ahead. How would a future with Johnny look? Was he going to be a punch-drunk husband with a brain like scrambled eggs? He'd suffered too many concussions to even count, and the number of broken bones? You didn't even want to think about it. Was that what you wanted?

You loved Johnny, but at that moment, he was the last person you wanted to see, and the sound of his voice from the corridor made you roll your eyes.

"Y/N, can you come to the kitchen?" He yelled and you sighed. You couldn't avoid him forever. After all, you did live together and it was probably better to just get it over with.

Entering the kitchen, you spotted Johnny, a spiteful chuckle leaving your mouth as your eyes landed on the horrific bruises on Johnny's bare upper body.

He'd taken a trip to the hospital after his parachute failed at forty feet in the air.

"How many ribs did you break this time?" You asked and Johnny sighed, "three."

Honestly, you'd thought it would be worse but then again; the man was fucking invincible, it seemed.

His shirt was off and his muscular upper body was on full display, although you tried your absolute best to not get distracted.

"I really didn't fucking appreciate the way you acted at my job today, Y/N," Johnny said and chugged a glass of water.

You huffed and laughed sarcastically. "Well, Johnny, I really didn't fucking appreciate how selfish you were today," you said and curled your fists into tight balls.

"Selfish? I'm not fucking selfish," Johnny said, completely oblivious to the insane way he'd acted earlier that day.

"Johnny, you could've died! And you know what, I've fucking had it up to here," you said and reached up your arm to signal how much you'd suffered through his ideas.

"It's my job, Y/N! Fuck!" Johnny yelled and threw his hands in the air.

"Baby, you live for this shit. You can't get enough of it, can you? I'd like to watch you go find another dude, that can tame you like I can," Johnny smirked and you huffed. Johnny tried to hide it but yelling really hurt with broken ribs, and he winced quietly.

"You can't even fucking talk to me without getting hurt! Gosh, sometimes I think it would be better if I just left," you chuckled under your breath but flinched when Johnny let out just about one of the loudest roars you'd ever heard from him. "What!"

"Is that really what you want to do? Leave?" He asked. He didn't seem hurt. If anything, he just seemed angry that you'd even say that.

"No, of course, it's not what I want! But it's what this is driving me towards," you admitted.

"You're real bold to be talking to me like that."

Johnny's voice was dark and quiet, but in no way was it soft. It was harsh and cold.

He took some steps closer to you, and you couldn't do anything but back off until you eventually hit the wall behind you.

Johnny was so close to you, that you could hear his heart beating. He moved his hand to your throat and you gasped at the sensation.

The hand around your throat didn't push or squeeze. You both just stood there and looked into each other's eyes. The tension was so thick, you could almost cut it with a knife.

"You're scared, aren't you?" He asked you and flashed you a wicked smile. "Do I scare you, babe?"

You scoffed and shook your head, clearly lying. You were intimidated by him. He was taller and much stronger than you. Johnny saw right through you and he tightened the grip around your throat, but only ever so slightly.

"You said you wanted a normal boyfriend, didn't you?" Johnny asked and you swallowed thickly and nodded.

"Do you still mean that?" Johnny asked you, and you hummed a sly yes.

He moved his hand from your throat and grabbed your face rather harshly. "Look around, love. Haven't I given you everything you've ever dreamed of? Haven't I given you everything any other guy never gave you?" Johnny asked and you nodded slowly.

"So, princess; what's the fucking problem?"

Urgh, the man was dangerously attractive. By now, you'd completely forgotten about the whole argument and its cause. Now, all you seemed to be doing was adding fuel to the fire, because you could tell exactly where this was heading and it made your stomach tingle.

"You make me so fucking mad sometimes," you hissed but yelped loudly when Johnny jerked his knee up between your legs so that your toes were barely touching the ground. Certainly, he could feel the dampness of your arousal on his clothes thigh and the thought of it made you blush slightly.

Johnny grabbed your arms and pinned them on either side of your head against the wall.

"Keep that pretty little mouth of yours shut until I tell you otherwise, okay, doll?" Johnny cut you off and you followed his order, immediately shutting up.

You didn’t mind as you leaned forward, driving your lips together with Johnny's, in a dazed and desperate attempt at dominance. An attempt that was quickly shut down by Johnny, as he tightened his grip on your wrists, moving his lips with yours in a fast, smouldering kiss. 

In a sudden act of rebellion, you bit down on Johnny's bottom lip and watched with fascination as he jerked back and lifted a hand to his mouth, checking for blood. 

"The fuck?" His eyes flashed. You narrowed yours in response.

"You're fucking in for it," Johnny growled before leaning in hard and fast again.

Your toes curled and Johnny moved his knee back and forth against your wet cunt. You arched your back, pressing your chest against Johnny's.

Johnny moved his mouth from your lips to your neck, sucking and biting.

Your panties were thoroughly soaked at this point, and you could feel yourself getting more eager by the second

Johnny moved his hands from your wrists, and immediately, you wrapped your arms around his body, pulling him as close as possible.

You ground against his thigh, feeling that familiar clench between your legs, and you whimpered. “K-Keep going.”

Johnny grabbed your hips - continuing to suck marks onto your neck and chest - and he moved you faster against his thigh, his cock throbbing in his pants. You thrust your fingers into his hair, pulling hard as the fluttering between your thighs turned into hard quakes.

Johnny suddenly bounced his leg a few times and it sent you over the edge, completely.

You threw your head against Johnny's shoulder and hid your face in the crook of his neck, letting out loud moans and whimpers of pleasure. Johnny kept his tight grip on your hips, helping you ride out your orgasm.

You only had a few moments to relax before Johnny lifted you up and began walking towards the living room, placing you on the couch, and hovering over you.

Only now did you realise how bad the bruises on his chest and side really were and you pouted softly, running your fingers over them, which caused Johnny to hiss quietly. You quickly retracted your fingers from his bruises and watched with excitement as Johnny dropped his trousers.

He climbed on the couch and rested over you, looking at you with lusty eyes, growling under his breath.

"Let's see how quiet you can be now," Johnny smirked and slid his hands up your thighs and pulled down your jeans, your lacy underwear following shortly.

You were already soaking wet and Johnny was hard. His tip was an angry red colour, desperate to be embraced.

He smirked as his cock painfully slowly disappeared into your tight cunt, cursing under his breath. His cock was spasming inside of you, your cunt clenching and sucking him in for all it's worth.

A particularly hard thrust made you a moaning mess, grasping and clasping at Johnny's back, probably leaving all kinds of marks.

"Look at you," Johnny smirked in a humiliating manner. "You got yourself into this mess," he said and you bit your lip harshly. "You just couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you?" Johnny asked and you nodded, agreeing with him as a moan escaped from your lips.

Your second orgasm was around the corner, but you were overstimulated- and overwhelmed.

You tapped Johnny's shoulder three times, which was a sign for him to slow down. "Already tapping out, are you?" He asked as you squirmed underneath him, unable to control your body.

"I-I'm go-"

"Already?" Johnny chuckled. Okay, now he was really taking the piss.

You screamed loudly and let your eyes roll to the back of your head as your whole body flexed beneath Johnny as he delivered a final thrust before pulling out quickly and stroking himself, emptying his loud on your thighs.

His moans quieted down as he snapped back from his climax and looked at you. He grabbed your hips and lifted you up, taking the space where you were laying, so that you could lay on top of him.

You were both out of breath and a few silent moments went by before you got tired of the painful silence.

"I'm sorry for what I said. I don't want a normal boyfriend, I want you," you sighed against Johnny's chest and placed a kiss on it.

"I know. I'm sorry too, and you're right; I'm one selfish bastard," Johnny admitted and you looked up at him. "I'm not gonna stop the stunts, but for now, there'll be no forty feet cranes," he said and you smiled.

"I'm glad to hear it."

[saintarmand]

Is armand really that obsessed and in love with lestat like the fandom claims i haven't read the books but i get the feeling that he hates him

the fandom DEFINITELY exaggerates it but it's not at all a baseless claim either. but you're right that he does hate him too lol

obligatory disclaimer i've only read books 1-6 in full (stuck on chapter 2 of merrick still) and seen some out of context quotes from later books

without going into specifics their relationship started by armand fucking over lestat who then fucked him over right back (while also mocking him) and armand kinda lost everything and decided that the person(s) responsible should fix it by becoming his everything. because that's what happened LAST time armand lost everything. and they both realize how much they have in common and they're both attracted to each other but lestat gets Bad Vibes so he says thanks but no thanks. but then later he's like hmm maybe armand freaks me out so much because i actually could love him TOO MUCH. scary... and every time armand falls in love he goes intense obsession mode (which lestat also tends to do ofc) and getting rejected by someone who was clearly tempted made it so the whole thing rears its head again every time armand doesn't have someone else. such as louis who is worth a million atrocities they both know this.

to summarize the Vibe they have a mutual love hate thing going on like they've done awful things to each other but also forgive each other but also don't forget but also care deeply about each other but also find each other so fucking annoying. the love is mutual but bc lestat is repulsed by both their similarities and their differences, he doesn't want to actually spend much time around armand. whereas armand wants lestat as his companion because of those similarities and differences. i saw a post once saying they're basically "recognition of the self through the other (derogatory) and (affectionate)" and i think that's a great way to put it. and they're able to forgive each other to an insane level because they recognize that in the same position they would've done the same thing. to me that's kinda the core of their relationship

but yeah there's a lot of baggage so they just end up fighting every time they meet except sometimes lestat is like omg hi armand hiiiiii 😄🥰 and armand is like omg hi 😳🥰🙄

oh and also armand seems to be the only one consistently willing to acknowledge out loud that lestat is a fucking idiot. but also kinda looks up to him in some ways. and lestat thinks armand is pathetic and a child even though armand is older by several hundred years. basically this:

and lestat is kinda marius's "favorite" (or rather just the one he actually respects) even though armand is the only one he actually kinda "raised" (yuck) and lestat is the one who never fucking does as he's told (probably actually all crucial to the respect thing.) so this also contributes to a deep resentment once armand finds out which is valid as hell like who wouldn't go insane like that's his ex-loverfather (die marius die) and lestat is just some guy marius met and decided to like and trust. but im getting off track

basically as always it's much more complicated than the fandom jokes make it out to be and like almost everything in these damn books it's a fascinating relationship that's very underwritten and has the potential to be explored better in the show...

tl;dr it's like this:

[gu6chan]

Aaaa I'm so happy you wanna hear the ramble! Fellow Caionard minds united,,,, here goes:

Leonard -> Caim "To love you is to sacrifice myself, to become the cage locking you in, to be the leash you pull on. If I can direct all of you into myself, no one else has to get hurt." Plus the belief of being unworthy of receiving any positive emotions, and Caim's love, no matter how twisted it is, is more than he feels he deserves, yet it also serves as a punishment for him for all his crimes (some sorta "you are a cruel but just punishment" thing's going on here)

Caim -> Leonard "You are weak, and pathetic, and naive and loving like a child. Like a naive child, a child I used to be before everything turned for the worst. I hate the reminder of who I could've been, of what I was before I was forced to change. A mirror into a happier alternate me. Weak, foolish, and stupid. And kinder than I have ever been. Kind enough not to push me away, even if it is your way to punish yourself. You would take my hand made of swords? You would embrace my bloody and tainted heart? Though it hurts you, the blood you bleed warms us both. Only for a moment, maybe, but it is warm nonetheless."

OKAY first of all anon i am so sorry its taken me a couple days to reply, for the longest time i had no idea HOW to really even begin because???? when you said ramblings I was EXPECTING peak but like i clearly was NOT fucking prepared for it BECAUSE?????? HOW DID YOU COOK SO HARD??????? literally im going to be thinking about this for the rest of my LIFE i havent stopped thinking about it since you sent it i told my bud about it in private when i first got it i was SO flabbergasted like??? and like even now i still dont really know how to respond in a way that like,,,, really encapsulates just how fucking FERAL this made me to the point i feel a bit bad about responding at a time im exhausted and can't think right kashfgksdhbjfj but hopefully these screenshots of me rambling about it to my friend help encapsulate just how INSANE this made us like

so to break down:

anon, the caionard community (3-4 people including me and you) are obsessed with this and hope you have exactly what you need tomorrow

my buddy says they owe you their life and that they think you're the GOAT (this is true!!!!!!!!!!)

i really don't know what else to say that hasn't already been said other than that this HAS gotten me through work since the day you sent it in and it's getting me through work tomorrow and also definitely the day after that

you DID mention that you never got around to making art for this and im CERTIANLY not the strongest conceptual/metaphorical(??? i dont know how its called) artist, but like.... if you'd be okay with it and i admit i might never get to finishing it myself i would LOVE to do a doodle or so of or based around this concept like im insane im INSANE over this i love it so much........

anon by any chance if you write fanfic or so this alone would go hard as FUCK on AO3 i will be your biggest fan and make t-shirts and little caionard baseball caps with this whole rant on the brim written in your honour, i really wish i could say how much i love this and your writing.................... "the blood you bleed warms us both. only for a moment, maybe, but it is warm nonetheless" i hope you know im like a whole different person reading that i am NEVER going to get over that and have been cycling it around in my brain since the moment you sent that in............. im going to DIE

is there anything else i can say that i can reasonably put into words...... i think to cap off, the idea of leonard feeling undeserving of ANY love, even if it is as "punishment" coming from the hands of someone he is so inherently REPULSED by (I refrain from saying hates, i feel like that's part of it but oversimplifies it too much lmao) is such an interesting concept i haven't considered the psychology of and it INTRIGUES me ive also been spinning that concept around in my head since you mentioned it...... i havent drawn any strong "conclusions' or, again, any coherent lines of thought from that idea, but i am OBSESSED with it and will be sure to yap about it either via a reblog or its own separate post the SECOND i get anywhere further than "woagh.......... cool................................ :0" either way, thank you SO much for sharing this anon, your writing is fucking amazing and i havent been left this shell-shocked in a LONG while, this was so refreshing in a way i cant really describe but you are lifting the whole caionard community on your shoulders, and are ALWAYS welcome in my home <3 thank you so much again for choosing to share this with me, anon, it's an honour QwQ/"

[055u4ry]

wanted to send this on anon but oh well, and since she blocked you im unsure if youd be able to see replies on the post. the issue people are having is not that you said lets have a discussion on female use of porn in relation to issues of achieving orgasms or a general discussion on female engagement with porn. it is that you said sometimes "you have no other choice" which is a statement which yes, doesnt come across as alright to plenty of us. to me it sounds no better in any way than a man saying he has "no other choice" but to rely on porn because of his issues with keeping it up or porn adiction or whatever other reason i honestly dont give a damn about. a man which said that would get hounded off of radblr, torn at actually, and id find his statement repulsive in the same way due to the phrasing of "no other choice." there is actually a choice here: if there is truly no other way than genuinely too bad because having an orgasm is not absolutely vital to your survival and is significantly less important than not giving money to websites which make money off of child pornography, human trafficking, rape, exploitation, fetishization, stolen videos, and whatever else. and no sorry, i dont care about the mental or physical health benefits of an orgasm vs that when it comes to anyone including women. noones temporary sexual pleasure is more important than this shit. not a mans not a womans not whatever.

if you have a sex addiction or a porn addiction than this is something which needs to be worked on and i can have a level of sympathy to because growing up experiencing sexual assault, being used to make cp, and being exposed to pornography lead me to develop one at a young age which i had to overcome (and which in large part i did become i didnt want to contribute in any way to any of this). im guessing you already know as well that continued porn use only reinforces your inability to orgasm without it and that the only way for that to get better is to stop........ but even so. phrasing it as "no other choice" is yes again something i found incredibly grating to the ears. there is a choice here because the choice is either to not seek orgasm or to do so and accept failure at times without porn. if you genuinely cant do either and have "no other choice" than you have an addiction to masturbation and perhaps to pornography, and if the consequences for other women and children of engaging with porn aint enough to make you stop, than perhaps you either think your sexual gratification and frustration is more important, or, again, you have an addiction.

perhaps this is on some level different if by porn you mean videos and photos posted by women on their own accounts which are clearly adults and which are not selling content for money and which are clearly doing this as much as can be assumed out of their own want to post such things. still plenty of ethnical implications with that but at least its better than whatever the hell happens on porn websites and onlyfans. and perhaps those of us who read your comment should have assumed you mean something more along these lines. id also reccomended switching to animated or drawn or written pornography which is not on porn websites, as this involves no actual real people being involved and doesnt give money to webs particularly known for profiting off of awful sexual shit.

. either way. im surprised that you're around radblr and dont get why people blocked you and put this on "mean lesbians." i guarantee you that if a man made that comment the responde would have been infinately worse. i think after all the endless piles of bullshit we have all lived through and seen it is rather normal for people to see "have no other choice to use porn to get off" statements and block, which aint mean, or to feel some sort of way about it

.

[yesimwriting]

Hi! I have been having an off day I’m kinda exhausted and anxious slightly snappy haha. I was wondering how would the darkling react to an anxious reader that he cares about. 😊

a/n ive been a little MIA but im working i promise!! i felt really apathetic about writing for awhile bc of some personal stuff but ive been trying to get back into it bc im genuinely happier when i write :)

--

- ok so i think how he reacts to an anxious person that he cares about depends on where you're at in the relationship,, which might be kinda a 'duh' but it needs to be said for how im setting this up lol

- bc if he's kinda just starting to figure out his feelings, i think he'd be so surprised by how much he cares that he has to hold back his immediate reactions, bc he may have his faults but he's def protective once he realizes something is affecting/hurting the person he sees as the sun

- that protectiveness stems from wanting to be what makes you happy, he wants to feel like he's your shelter so that he feels like he's good enough for you. He wants you to be happy so he can feel your warmth but he also really wants the redemptive feeling that comes from knowing that he's your protector in a way.

- he wants to protect and make you happy so bad, sometimes you need to be like 'umm...i really appreciate that you want to torture the person that bumped into me a little too hard on a bad day,, but maybe let's not??' especially if you are still in that phase where he kinda scares/intimidates you bc you know him more as the General

- not only are his more over the top reactions a little scary bc you don't want to offend him by not wanting to talk about it to avoid blowing the situation up,, they're also confusing

- bc you had no idea he cared if you lived or died let alone cared if you were nervous or not?? but sometimes it makes you feel really comforted, bc if someone as hardened as the darkling can care that much about how youre feeling than you can't be as awful as you're feeling

- and it's also comforting bc he's clearly strong and powerful and when he puts a hand on your shoulder and stares at you like you're the only tangible thing in the world and telling you that he's not going to let anything happen to you,, the rational part of your anxiety is appeased to say the least.

- alright but that's at like the first stage of the relationship for him, bc i feel like he def has like twenty stages he goes through before finally being in a committed relationship bc even though he wants an attachment and love so badly bc he hates his eternal loneliness, he has a lot of layers to work through before he feels secure enough in you as a person to risk vulnerability

- so if he's at the point where he's accepted what he feels for you,, but has yet to really act on it, this is where he starts to give himself away a little

- like you'll mention being stressed about training in the Little Palace, or not getting along with someone and he immediately jumps to encouraging you. It's kinda funny bc at first he seems like he's just trying to be a supportive pal bc at this point ur sorta friendly (at least more friendly than anyone else is with the darkling) but then he kinda losses himself in talking about how amazing you are.

- and if youre feeling anxiety/bad bc of someone in particular, you better not mention their name unless you're 100 percent sure you're furious at them.

- sometimes it causes some strain bc you don't necessarily want him to get involved, and he's not above lowkey guilting you into telling him the full story, but it's not really intentional. He just starts talking about how much trust he puts in you and you just let the little things go after making him promise to leave things alone.

- if your anxiety is general,, or just bc of a. bunch of little things and he's at a point in which he's accepted how much he cares about you but has not told you yet,, he'll try to hide how soft he feels, but sometimes he slips up.

- honestly, i wouldn't be surprised if a really big relationship milestone came from that.

- like you crying one night and the darkling finding you, and then him taking you back to your room and promising to stay so that you don't have to feel alone and then the next morning you wake up and he's holding you

- at first ur like ?? but he acts so normal you're like maybe that can be platonic? but then it starts happening more and more and neither of you mention it and then when you two finally do get together youre like 'ohh? im stupid'

- and if your anxiety comes from your worry about him?? wow--he'll have to stop himself from kissing you

- this is a man who is so used to being hated/feared that the concept of someone worrying about him so much they physically don't feel well?? that would hit him STRAIGHT in the chest, and he'd be so quick to pull you to him, and then you'd be like--are you ok??

- wouldn't be surprised if that's how you found out he had feelings for you,, like he'd say something like "i didnt know the brightest star in the sky could want to protect the darkness instead of banish it. You're the brightest light I've ever known, it was more than enough for me that you weren't repulsed by my darkness...and now..."

- anyways,, if you were already established together and you were anxious, he would have no need to hold back

- if he notices your hesitant to let him 'help' he might do a thing or two to reduce sources of your stress without telling you...which sometimes leads to you getting a little mad, but depending on how extreme his actions were, he normally smoothes it over quickly

- i mean,, it's just how he shows that he cares, he's never had someone that could snap their fingers and get rid of his adversaries or reschedule a thing or two to make his life easier

- he sees no harm in it,, and even though sometimes other people may give you a bit of a hard time bc of his evident favoritism,, you know it just means he cares

- if he goes really far, you're more willing to be mad at him, but honestly when youre upset all you want is to be near him bc there's nothing more comforting,, so you agree to hold off on arguing lol

- i mean there are always lines that get crossed, so there are times he cant charm himself out of your anger, but the longer youre together the more he tries to hold off on doing things that make you really angry,, unless he feels like the person really hurt you, then nothing can stop his anger

- if youre actually together he's much more quick to comfort you physically if youre feeling really anxious,, he'll kiss you everywhere until he's all you can think about, which works for when your anxious over small things

- if your problem is larger, he cant exactly kiss it away though i cant say that doesnt help but it's still comforting and relaxing bc duh,, so i feel like he's really touchy if youre upset

- kissing sometimes leads to other stuff,, but that should be its own fic/headcanon bc i have a secret head cannon that feeling needed or like the only one his partner has is a turn on for him bc it returns some of the power he feels like he gives up by letting his partner care about him

- might have to write that fic now that im thinking about it....

- if youre so anxious you dont want to be touched, it'll be a little harder for him, but if he reaches for you and you back away he'll try to talk you down and remind you that he's not going to let anything happen and as long as he's breathing he'll make sure you're okay

- if youre officially together and youre anxious about something small, he's actually surprisingly nice to talk to,, before you were close you felt like you were bothering him with small, insignificant things,, but once you know that he cares about you he's a patient listener bc he likes being really present with you when he can bc he's busy so often

- sometimes if youre worried or upset he jumps to anger towards the object of your distress before comfort, but once youre at the dating part, you know that that's just how he is, and anger is how he shows love in a way?? lol, so you just have to clearly tell him that you'd rather him stay with you then rush out and like smite someone, he'll stop and comfort you

- sometimes how much he cares makes him angry at himself bc he begins to question if he'd pick you/your happiness over his goal, if he can't convince himself that you'd never get in the way of that, he gets a little cold until he feels assured in his loyalties or at least assured in the fact that your happiness would never conflict with his goals

- that can happen at any point in your relationship,, i feel like it'd happen more when he's unsure about his feelings bc seeing how much he cares about someone that's nothing to him makes him want to banish his nerves

- overall though,, once he cares about you, whether he's fully accepted it or not, he'd burn the world down to make you feel okay again,, or stay in bed with you for awhile, or both--whatever you want, really

[aphrodite-made-me-write-it]

Revelations: XIV

Part Two: Steep to the Freezing

(A/N) hey hey, ho ho, im off tomorrow because of snow! anyway, I’m still working on requests. Sorry I’m slow, I think I’m just a perfectionist. I love all of you sm. and google docs is being an ass so i had to copy everything word for word here so if there’s spelling mistakes, its because i am anger. I have over 40 pages of this bitch and i legit have to just. copy them onto tumblr dot com like a savage. guess i could always make a new doc but jfc can my low attention span handle it? anyway happy sungay, please pay patronage to ur local sapphic goddess by gaying over at least one woman today. This chapter is short bc it’s kind of a filler chapter but the next one has fun, sexy fighting xoxo

♫ ♫ ♫

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Hella flashbacks this round; Graphic Depictions of Death Bro, like fr fr i’m not kidding this time; I put most of the warnings in CH1 so they’re mostly the same.

Pairing: Diana Prince / Wonder Woman x F! Reader

Chapter Word Count: 4,815

Total Word Count (so far): 15,110

Synopsis (of this chapter): Pieces of the past slowly fall into place; you’re starting to feel some real confusing emotions about Diana; you meet Diana’s Goth Himbo friend.

| I | II | III | IV | more coming soon |

ma’am who gave you the RIGHT

"She's clearly a metahuman," Bruce drawls, as if the information may as well have been exposed on a neon sign above your head. You'd think a guy so rich would be cheerful, but Bruce Wayne is anything but. The guy is practically the poster-child for brooding, despite being a fully grown man. "But she's definitely... weird."

"Gee, thanks," you gripe sarcastically.

"I'd need a DNA sample to-"

"No!" It comes out unbidden, harsher than youv'e spoken before. It makes Diana and Bruce look at you with blatant surprise. Your heart is hammering in your ears, a wardrum to the tremble in your bones. A fear so sharp, so natural, they may as well have been threatening to cut you open without anesthetic.

You aren't quite sure what caused the gut-reaction. It was so sudden, it surprised you as much as it had them. It's a feeling so intense, so immediate, it's indisputable. A repulsion that makes your entire body want to curl into itself - so tight into a coil that you turn into nothing.

Diana places a hand on your shoulder; the action is so natural, so instinctive, neither of you really register it. "That doesn't seem to be an option," she informs Bruce with a tone that leaves little room for argument.

Bruce sighs. "Well, do you at least know what the facility was called, or who ran it?"

You pause, thinking hard despite the panic that had scrambled your thoughts into incoherency just moments ago. The fear is still gripping your chest, but with Diana beside you literally expelling support, it's a little bit easier to sort through the mess. "I think... I think I saw, 'A-R-C' a few times."

"ARC?" Bruce repeats, a scowl taking place over his features.

"You've heard of them?" Diana inquires curiously.

"I have..." Bruce confirms, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "Well, they're listed as a DNA research facility, but a few tabloids-"

"I thought you hated tabloids?" Diana chuckles.

"I do, but" he clears his throat, "when tabloids talk about things like the CEO going on tangents about angels and demons being on Earth? I consider myself a little bit invested."

"And you know the CEO?"

"Not personally, no," Bruce shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. "But I know his name. Doctor Phillip Richman. He's got very little documentation outside of his doctorate - a practical ghost in the system."

You think Diana asks something like, "How is that possible?" but your mind is suddenly disconnected. It's like the name has broken through something in your mind, flooding it with memories that don't quite feel like your own. As if you were watching them from afar.

- - - -

"Oh, little one," the man kneels down until he's eye-level. The October air has brought an early chill of the oncoming winter, meaning your thin clothes provide little protection against the wind-chill. Your skin is red and raw from it; cracking in some places, bleeding in others. "You're all alone out here?"

Shyly, you nod. You are alone, yes. You always have been.

"Don't you have a mommy and a daddy?" He asks, something like concern in his voice. Even this young, it sounds off; like he's trying to make himself sound empathetic, but there's something else hidden far behind his words.

There's an intensity in his eyes. Something hungry that, honestly, scares you at first, but you've never experienced such kindness from a stranger before. "No," your tiny voice is just a squeak, tightened by the chill and by the emotion that's suddenly gripped you.

The man nods, seemingly thoughtful for a moment. As a child, you can't help feeling special when a grownup talks to you - especially when you've had so few be as kind to you as this stranger is.

"My name is Doctor Richman," he introduces slowly. "I help little boys and girls like you all the time." He holds his hand out for a shake, like you're a grownup too, so you take it without hesitation.

"I'm (Y/N)."

"Well, (Y/N)," Doctor Richman stands, but doesn't release your hand. "How would you like to come be my very own assistant?"

"You're going to take me home?" It's achingly disbelieving. Eager to escape a life on the streets, this man’s every word is something to take as seriously and literally as Gospel. 

“I am,” he confirms, a smile on his face once more. It’s bright, deceivingly so - as if you’d make his entire world by saying yes.

As a seven year old, such a smile is enough to make the worries evaporate. This is a stranger, yes, but he is offering you a life better than you’d ever experience like this. Your ‘yes’ is easy, but that doesn’t mean it’s not regrettable. 

- - - -

Someone is calling your name. Reality finds its way to you with a harsh rush, your hand clutching Diana’s like an anchor. You’re trembling, breathing erratic.

“What happened?” Diana asks worriedly.

“I-” your throat tightens. “That was him. He- I was-” you’re struggling to speak and breathe at the same time. The emotions are so confusing, so overwhelming, that your abilities to think and speak halt entirely. 

“Breathe, darling, breathe,” Diana urges, her fingers combing through your hair with one hand and the other squeezing you gently. You feel her concern as sharp as a knife.

“I was... I was just a kid when he- when-” you explain meekly, shame washing through you. How could you have been so stupid? Don’t all kids have that natural sense of stranger danger? “Oh, god- I just let him take me...”

“I assume, then,” Bruce speaks up, interrupting your spiraling and reminding you suddenly of his presence. “‘AOC’ could be ‘Age of Capture’.”

You wince, stomach turning. “I was so stupid-”

“No,” Diana interrupts sharply. “You are not stupid. You were a child. Seven years old. You could not have known better. You should never blame yourself for the trauma that was forced upon you.”

“Diana is right,” Bruce affirms, though consoling doesn’t appear to be his strongsuit. He’s trying, at least, and that you can appreciate. “And that means that if you were filed as missing, we could locate some relatives of yours.”

You look down at your hands, forcing your fingers to loosen from Diana’s just a bit. She hadn’t complained about your unusual strength, but you still felt bad for somewhat crushing them. “I don’t think so,” you say quietly. “I didn’t... I didn’t have parents. I don’t even know my last name.”

Diana’s heart breaks; you feel it through your empathic bond in a violent wave. There’s a tenderness, too, in the way she curls her fingers in your hair, that keeps you from speaking out about not needing her sympathy. You sink into the feeling of her, a moth drawn to a flame. 

“I understand,” Bruce’s tone takes on a surprisingly genuine softness. “I’ll see what I can do. maybe contact Victor for this one.”

“Let me know,” Diana implores gently. Bruce nods and stands with a sigh.

“See you soon, ladies,” he nods curtly and makes for the door.

Long after he leaves, Diana fixes you with a cautious expression. “Are you alright?” 

You nod numbly. Diana, naturally, does not buy it. She doesn’t even need your powers to see right through you.

“Come on,” she pulls you to the couch in her living room. You sit down reluctantly, nervous of the close proximity of her. “You’ve told me a lot about what’s happened to you,” Diana begins slowly, “but you haven’t said a word about how you feel.”

You gape at her. “I- how I-?”

“Friends hare things with each other, like feelings,” Diana explains, that smile on her lips that could honestly make you do (and admit to) anything.

You open your mouth, then shut it. You aren’t sure how you feel, to be honest. It’s impossible to articulate. If only you could just show her....

Wait. Maybe... maybe you can?

It’s one of those things that feels natural, much like flying; as if you’d done it so many times that the action is second-nature. Something as obvious as the fact that, just a day ago, you’d been dead. You reach out and offer your hand, palm facing up.

“Can I just show you?” You ask timidly. 

Diana eyes your hand skeptically. “Will this be like what you feel in others?”

You shrug. “No idea. Probably.”

Diana, in that split moment, decides it’s worth a shot and takes your hand. You close your eyes as the rush of energy floods your whole being. It’s like a dam has split apart, your powers frighteningly out of your control. Rivers connecting, becoming singular. Each emotion is passed between you, slowly, purposeful. You try to convey the fear you have; that not knowing is the worst part about all of this. The way your body - and mind - seem to know things that you don’t. Your very own body is the enemy.

Diana inhales sharply, shock reverberating through the bond. This is how you see me? 

You nearly jump back at the way the thought transfers to your mind. How did you do that? 

You’re doing it, too. You can imagine the smile on her face, but her image in front of you is blurred by whatever it is that’s passing between the both of you. as if some switch had been flipped, each emotion is passed between you wordlessly, seamlessly, purposefully. 

Diana jolts back abruptly, the lack of contact feeling like cold, bitter winter. you open your eyes to find that she’s looking away tearfully.

“I’m sorry,” you fold your hands in your lap, focusing hard on the way your fingers lock together. “I thought it would be easier to...”

“It was,” she confirms, clearing her throat and wiping at her eyes. “I apologize, I just- it was very beautiful.” Her smile is genuine, brilliant, beautiful. “Thank you for showing me.”

“But you’re crying.”

“They’re happy tears.” She explains. “That’s all.”

Do eyes have so much fluid that they simply must leak for every emotion?

- - - -

“Where will you sleep?” You frown when Diana leads you back to her bedroom. She’d meant to go shopping after Bruce had left, but you’d seemed so shaken up and honestly what you’d shown her left Diana a bit rattled herself. So, she opted for staying inside with you - at least for the rest of today. 

“My couch is comfortable,” Diana assures, but you shake your head.

“I don’t want to kick you out of your own bed, Diana.”

“What do you suggest, then? Would you like to share?” It’s a bit teasing, but you immediately nod.

“Better than you hurting your back, and you obviously won’t let me sleep on the couch, so...” You cross your arms, giving her an expectant smile.

Diana tosses her hair over her shoulder with a throaty chuckle. “I suppose you’re right.”

“Great,” you uncross your arms and bounce a bit in place. “I don’t think I’ve ever slept alone before, anyway.”

“Oh, really?” The teasing edge of her voice makes you blush.

“I mean- I think... well, it was a large place... I wasn’t the only one there, clearly.” You cough awkwardly. “And... you make me feel safe.”

How could Diana possibly say no to that?

You still aren’t used to how nice her bed is. The softness of it, the warmth. You curl into it with a sigh, the blanket deliciously cozy. Diana lays on the other side of the bed, watching you with a dazed expression.

Once you’re finally settled in, and you catch onto her watching, you ask, “What?”

“Nothing,” Diana’s soft smile makes your body thrum. “Nothing at all.”

- - - -

She comes in spring, when life around the facility is flourishing. The woods surrounding the area are teeming with wildlife, all of which are perfect subjects for experimentation. You hated hurting the animals, but if you didn’t obey, they would do far worse to you.

You can tell, instantly, that she is unlike the others. Most kids they bring in have the same emptiness to them. From years on the streets, years with abusive families, mostly everyone comes here just a little broken.

Not her.

She’s a spitfire of a girl, spewing curse words you’ve never even heard before as she twists in the iron grip of the guards. Maybe it’s the dark waves of her hair or the piercing blue of her eyes that catches your attention, but the moment she has it, you know at once that she will never lose it.

Her anger rolls off of her in waves, cataclysmic. She is a walking hurricane, but you’re inevitably drawn to this disaster. You introduce yourself, that first day, but she ignores you. For days, no matter how hard you try, she doesn’t so much as spare you a glance when you’re in the mess hall or recreational rooms.

It isn’t until she returns from one of the experiments, looking shaken and lost, that she finally lets you sit beside her. She lingered on the edges of the training room, back against the wall. You told her of how you’d come here, how it might seem bad but it isn’t always terrible. She doesn’t share that opinion, of course, but your presence eases the pain, after some time; you feel happier, too, as hours bleed into days into weeks into months. Less like you’re just taking it day by day, surviving, and more like you’re actually alive. 

“One day,” she promises, “we’re gonna get out of here, and I”m gonna show you the world.”

And you believe her.

- - - -

Diana wakes to your body shaking in silent, wracking sobs. You’re at the very edge of the bed, as if putting space between you and Diana would compensate for your inability to sleep or calm down. It’s obvious that you’re trying to hold back on the emotions spilling from you, but it’s equally obvious that it isn’t working. 

The brunette turns over, reaches out silently before hesitating slightly. She doesn’t want to make this worse for you, doesn’t want to cross whatever boundaries lay in the empty sheets between you. Instead, the idea of reaching out with a feeling comes into her mind. Could she focus so hard one a singular emotion that it would pull you out of this? There’s no harm in trying, she supposes. 

It works; her concern and patience burst through the dark waters that had taken over your mind. A hand reaching, grasping, pulling - you breach through the surface, gasping for air. You turn over to face her, eyes wide and cheeks wet with tears.

Diana doesn’t even think twice before opening her arms invitingly. The question isn’t so much asked, as it is felt, and you wiggle into them with little hesitation. You curl into her embrace, letting the spring of her presence melt away the bitter winter of your terror. She begins to rub slow, soothing circles on your back, not speaking a single word.

She won’t ask, and you know she won’t despite the curiosity burning within her. 

“How can I be so sad,” you ask in a hoarse, broken voice, “over something I didn’t even know I’ve lost?”

Diana’s spirit seems to mirror the sentiment; pain reverberating off of her. “Loss is loss, I’m afraid.” She answers wisely, her own heart clenching. 

“When will it stop hurting?”

“When you are able to let go.”

You bury yourself in her shoulder, hearing the distant thundering of her own heartbeat. It’s so fast - is she alright? You attempt to search for the answer, but a yawn makes you lose concentration. 

“Is this okay?” You inquire sleepily.

“Of course it is,” Diana hums, sounding a bit tired herself.

You sigh, wrapping one of your own arms around Diana’s waist. She’s so pretty and soft. Why is she letting you do this? Why is she so kind? There’s something familiar about this feeling, something so, so important it almost keeps you up. Sleep conquers all, in the end, coming all too easily in the arms of this gorgeous woman who saved your life.

- - - -

Diana had left you alone in her apartment while she found you some proper clothes. “I can’t keeping calling out of work,” she’d said, “and you can’t hide in here forever. You have to experience the world!”

The idea of it is daunting, admittedly. you’ve felt somewhat cooped up in here, but not in the way you felt trapped in the Facility. That place had felt wrong, more of a prison than whatever it was meant to be. Being in Diana’s apartment, though, felt like safety. You feel nothing short of content to remain here, so long as Diana is with you. 

But now that she isn’t, you feel sort of... lonely. You keep looking at the clock to see how long she’s been gone. Half an hour gone already, and she’d said it would be two hours. Piece of cake.

The city beyond the windows is a wide landscape, a vast maze ready to explore. You imagine experiencing life out there, wondering what normal people are like and how you’re going to pretend you’ve been walking among them your whole life rather than experimented on like a lab rat.

With no memories, you’re suddenly itching to make some new ones. The mindless television doesn’t help much; after she’d taught you how to use Netflix, you’ve spent too much time watching action movies where the heroes always win and the bad guys go away forever - or, at least, until the sequel.

Approaching the hour-and-a-half mark without Diana, you start to zone out. Something happens on the TV, but you aren’t exactly sure what it was. The memories crawl from the shadows, as always, when you least expect them.

- - - -

“Please, don’t do this!” You beg, struggling against your restraints. The tank surrounding your head lets out a low hum, water beginning to spill out of the tubes on either side. It rises quickly to your chin. “Please, please, please-”

“Relax, D-14. You’re one of our best. You should handle this test no problem.” The nurse assures, the water quickly rising past your lips. You try to adjust your head to avoid the inevitable, but it’s useless. “You’ve survived every other.”

It isn’t quick, and it isn’t painless. It hurts, it burns, your lungs ache. And then, there is nothing.

When you open your eyes again, it is to a dark world far from the one you’d just left. You take slow, deliberate steps down an invisible path that calls to you. Your bare feet find it without thought, the sound of water echoing around you like a cave. You see no others, but you can feel them. There is pain, and there is suffering, but there are others.

Darkness. It’s the darkness that scares you most. There are creatures there, waiting, watching. If you step off the path, they will surely devour you.

Out of nowhere, you see a woman up ahead. She wears a beautiful white gown, golden wings folded against her back. Her skin is smooth and dark, amber eyes full of mirth when they meet yours. A merciful smile pulls at her lips as she reaches for you, fingers touching your cheek with the tenderness of a mother.

“It isn’t your time,” she says, but her mouth doesn’t move. Even so, the words reverberate into the vast nothingness all around you.

“I can’t go back there,” you rasp. “Please-”

“You are more important than you know,” the woman frowns, the expression looking incredibly out of place on her delicate features. Silver hair spills over her shoulder as she tilts her head sympathetically. 

How can I be important if he keeps killing me?” 

“You,” her hand falls to your shoulder, squeezing it softly. “You are unlike the others. He does not know what he is toying with, what cards of fate he is pulling for himself.” She pauses. “And he does not know who you are.”

“Who am I?”

Her smile widens. “You will know, one day. But today is not your time.”

She leans forward to plant a kiss on your forehead. Once more, you’re blurring through realities - crossing boundaries that feel both familiar and foreign. 

You wake up to the water draining, your lungs burning as you sputter for air. The machine is humming again, but you pay it no mind. Everything is removed slowly, piece by piece. 

“Alright, D-14,” the nurse picks up a clipboard, flips it to the first empty page. “State your name, your age, and what you witnessed ADE.”

- - - -

Diana finds you curled into a ball, one of the blankets she’d left on the sofa for you wrapped tightly around your body. You look so achingly small, she nearly drops the bags to run to you. She sets them down as gently as she can manage, locking the door before slowly approaching you. She walks with cautious purpose, as if you were a wild animal on the verge of running.

You didn’t hear her enter, but your attention hones in on her presence when she lays a hesitant hand on your arm. You uncurl yourself to face her. 

“What’s wrong, sweet one?” She asks softly.

You shake your head, avoiding her gaze. “Nothing.”

“You are an awful liar.” Diana notes, sitting down on the floor so that she can meet your eyes. “Come on, spit it out.”

“I died before, too,” you whisper. “A lot of times, I think.”

Diana’s fear spikes between you. “What?”

“I think... I think that’s what ARC does. It kills people... and brings them back.”

Disgust and fury radiate from Diana in a headed flame. “Why would they do that?” She demands, unable to hide the raw anger from her tone.

You shrug, but the action is sort of jerky when you’re still laying on one side. “I don’t know,” you admit quietly. “But I think it’s why I’m... y’know,” you gesture vaguely to your body. “Like this.” Powers that had seemed like a blessing, ones that you enjoyed using, suddenly feel... wrong. A great burden forced onto your shoulders.

“Do you think that’s how you died the last time?” Diana asks, hand drifting down to your own. You let her toy with your fingers, reveling in the unidentifiably tender emotion that flows from the contact.

“I don’t think so,” you say at last, shaking your head. “I don’t- I don’t think they meant for that to happen.” You sit up slowly, exhaling a shuddering breath. “I don’t think I was supposed to come back. I have to show you something, but- just- don’t, uh, freak out, okay?”

Diana frowns skeptically, moving to join you on the sofa now that you’ve given her the room to do so. You turn away from her and carefully ease down a shoulder of the gown she’d given you. You hear her soft inhale, feel a spark of something heated igniting within her not unlike the prior softness, but she quells it as you reveal your upper back.

Where your wings would join is a vicious looking scar. With a jolt, Diana realizes it’s the entry point of the one on your chest. It looks oddly like a compass, the center of it being where the bullet must have entered. Diana reaches out to it, in awe of the way it seems branded into your skin. The scarred tissue isn’t raised, as most would be of such severity. It’s smooth to the touch, shiny, as if were some kind of eternal symbol of your unintended survival.

You look over your shoulder at her, suddenly dazed by the gentleness of her touch. There’s that heated something again, an emotion that makes you want to squirm under Diana’s dark gaze. Her plump lips are pursed thoughtfully, fingertips just barely brushing the sensitive skin of your scar. You’ve felt this heat before, this... want. You just can’t remember when or where or whom, but you know this feeling.

Your lips part, your body slowly facing Diana’s once again. The scar on your chest looks like the sun, also embedded in your skin as if to forever remind you of your damnation to this world. You think her eyes dart downward, but you aren’t sure if it’s at your scar or something else.. “Diana-”

A knock at the door makes the both of you leap apart. You both wear incredibly guilty expressions, though you aren’t really sure why. You adjust the gown again before standing and taking the bags Diana had brought home while she answers the door.

“Bruce, hi!” She greets, sounding a bit strained.

“Did I... interrupt something?” Bruce inquires as you scurry to the bedroom.

You don’t hear the conversation, but you feel Bruce’s amusement and Diana’s embarrassment echo through the halls. You aren’t sure where to put the bags, so you just carefully set them down by teh door and return to the living room with flushed cheeks.

“Well, Vic pulled through. We infiltrated part of ARC’s computer systems, but a lot of it is encrypted. He’s still working on it,” Bruce explains, clearing his throat to clear the tension between him and Diana, who is glaring at him as if looks could kill. 

“What did you find out?” You ask timidly, unsure of why you feel like you’re on the edge of something dangerous. 

“ARC researches near death experiences,” Bruce follows you and Diana to the seating area; Diana sits close enough to you that you can reach out if you need to, and Bruce takes one of the free armchairs. “According to their data, thirty percent of those killed in controlled environments gain unique, superhuman abilities. Most of them can talk to the dead, or otherwise contact the ‘other side’ if you want to believe that.” Judging by his tone, Bruce does not. “And less than two percent of that thirty percent gain what Richman calls the ‘Seraph Gene’.”

“G-giraffe gene?” You mutter, confused. Diana hides her snort with a polite cough while Bruce groans.

“Seraph Gene. Angels.” He huffs. “Vic is working on those files now, seeing as that’s likely where your information will be, but it’s not easy.”

“So, you really are an angel?” Diana grins, trying to make light of the situation.

“I wouldn’t count on that,” Bruce hums thoughtfully. “Richman is looking for the Ideal Angel. One that’s immortal with healing capabilities. She’s got the wings, sure, but she’s not like you, Diana.”

“We don’t know that,” Diana points out. “She still doesn’t know all of her powers, and she didn’t die in a controlled environment the last time.”

Bruce rolls his eyes, but doesn’t argue. “Well, I wanted to give you an update on that.” He stands, then pauses. “Oh, and another thing: they’re looking for her. They’re combing surrounding cities as we speak. Whatever she is, she’s important to them.”

The fear that tears through you is only doubled by Diana’s. Her hand finds yours, the only thing keeping you from outright spiraling, a determined scowl on her face. “Let them come. They won’t lay a finger on her.”

Bruce raises his hands in surrender. “I just wanted to warn you. If we need to get the League together for this-”

“Yes, that is a wonderful idea. We absolutely should.”

Something tells you that, by the sag in his shoulders, Bruce isn’t accustomed to working with others. He probably hates it, and that’s not surprising from your very few interactions. “Alright, I’ll keep you posted, then. Be careful, you two.” He gives Diana a meaningful look that makes her cheeks erupt in a deep blush. For some reason, this annoys you - which is very unusual, because under any other circumstances, you’d love to see Diana blush.

Bruce leaves you and Diana in aching silence. You keep looking at her like you’re expecting her to explode, but she seems lost in thought. You give her hand a squeeze, pulling her back to the present.

“Those scars...” Diana begins slowly, quietly.

“The last time I died wasn’t controlled. They didn’t think I’d come back at all.” There’s a raw edge of sadness in your voice.

“That must be why they are after you,” Diana nods, squeezing your hand tighter. “Whatever brought you back, must be what Doctor Richman is looking for.”

The thought makes you shudder. Not only from fear, but from anger. A surge of fierce protection and loyalty to whatever it was that brought you back. “They can’t have it,” you growl in a tone very much unlike your own.

“We’ll never let them.” Diana agrees solemnly.

- - - - (Next Chapter) - - - -

Tags! (almost forgot aaa) @nobody13​ ❤ @fireflyglass ❤ @swords-are-cool​ ❤ @artapdarkstr ❤ @aznblossom​

[reina-morada]

What is your opinion on non-Muslims veiling or wearing Islamic clothes like abaya/jilbab?

Salaam,

So, Im going to try to avoid making this a super lengthy post. As far as veiling goes, it is not an exclusively Muslim tradition. I would argue that you can find veiling in most major world religions, and even just in many cultures regardless of religion. 

Women veil in Islam differently and for different reasons. Some women believe it is a commandment from Allah (swt), others believe its purpose is to guard our modesty, and for others hijab is a form of empowerment or decolonization. For some women it is a mix of all of these. And contrary to what people want to hear, sometimes hijab is cultural and not religious at all. I’ve met women who still wear hijab, but never pray and don’t consider themselves super religious. But, because their families veil, they decide to continue to do so as a cultural tradition. I even knew a Syrian Christian who’s family practiced veiling in an Islamic way. 

Following this, I personally think it’s okay for non-Muslims to wear Islamic clothes/veiling, but to an extent. Anyone can search for modesty among these traditions, as modesty is something men and women can strive for. For example, I’ve even seen Traditional Catholics search for outfit ideas among Muslim women. However, there is a certain knowledge requirement I would think is necessary to veil specifically with hijab/abaya/jilbab. I know that there is a lot of discourse now surrounding like, white neopagans who end up “veiling” in a fashion that looks extremely similar to Muslim women but don’t like to be connected to Islam, and thats where the problem comes. 

If you decide to veil in an Islamic fashion (specifically wearing hijab, abaya, niqab, jilbab, and so on) you MUST educate yourself about Islam. There is no doubt that you will be mistaken for being Muslim, and whether you like it or not, you will become a representative of Islam for the masses by associating with us so visibly. It is fundamentally irresponsible for a non-Muslim, veiling in a clearly Islamic fashion, to know nothing about the religion. Even learning “Assalamu alaikum/Walaikum assalam” is the bare minimum of respecting Muslim culture and the Muslims who will see you and assume that you share the same faith. By putting on hijab/jilbab and so on, we put ourselves more at risk by visibly declaring “We Are Muslim”. For people in very conservative and white areas like me, that can become a safety concern. Because of that, a non-Muslim searching for modesty in the terms of Islamic dress is fundamentally required to be knowledgeable about the image they are then portraying to the world.

I also think intent matters a lot. Are you veiling because you are called to that form of modesty? Or are you veiling because you like the aesthetic? If it’s just about the aesthetic, I wouldn’t agree there. 

I hope this makes sense? Again, I am not a scholar of Islam. And I’m sure that there are Muslims who would argue that like, neopagans wearing hijab at all is cultural appropriation..... So this is just my personal opinion.

EDIT: Also just to clarify I am NOT okay with nor do I approve of people who wear Islamic veiling and combine it with sexual fetishes/fantasies/weird narratives of being an oppressed and helpless submissive to some big scary Muslim man. In no way shape or form is that acceptable in my eyes, I find it repulsive and offensive. It infuriates me, sorry. Im all for people having their kinks BUT NOT when it’s getting off to this sick narrative surrounding all the stereotypes about Islam. 

Blessings

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

hi there! i'm arospec (demiromantic) and so is one of my friends (im not sure what flavor of arospec, just that they are). recently i got out of a QPR with them, because i simply don't feel as comfortable being in a relationship with them i thought i would feel. a lot of the actions they would take and things they would say felt more stereotypically "romantic", but i feel bad labelling them as that in order to describe my repulsion to them because they describe the way they experience their attraction as queerplatonic. some of these include them talking about yearning for me, cuddling me to sleep whenever we would have sleepovers, saying "i love you" in ways that feel extremely intimate, etc. i feel almost like a bad person for feeling repulsed to these things because i know they don't come from a place of romance. i am not attracted to them romantically or queerplatonically. could it be that i'm queerplatonic-repulsed? and if so, am i bad for labeling myself as part of the aro community? i'd also like to know if there's any way i can set boundaries with them because they're still doing these things even after i broke up with them. it's okay if you don't have any advice to provide, i appreciate you listening to my rambling either way. cheers and thanks for all you do op :)

Two things off the bat. 1:Yes you can keep labelling yourself as aro, and this doesn't make you a bad aro or anything like that. 2: It is absolutely OK to not feel comfortable in a certain type of relationship or to not want to do things that set off your repulsion.

Romance is a complicated thing, because there isn't a clearly defined line that makes a certain action or relationship romantic. So for example while there are some gray areas, sex is generally sex. But we can't really do that with romance, and what ends up defining something as romance is how it feels to us and how we define it. Sometimes even if something is being defined as not-romantic it can still set off romance-repulsion, or aro people may still be uncomfortable with it.

It is possible it could be queerplatonic repulsion (and if that's the case there's nothing wrong with that either), but I'm mentioning romance repulsion is a possibility too so you can make a judgment call on which you feel is more likely. Remember repulsion does not always follow logic. Just because you tell it you're not defining this as romantic or queerplatonic doesn't mean it's going to listen.

But yeah what this looks like to me is this relationship and what you were doing was setting off your repulsion and in a case like that it's totally fine to do what you did and end the relationship and push things to somewhere you're comfortable with.

It does sound like even with the relationship ended, you're still not comfortable with the boundaries you have with them, and it's absolutely fine to put up more boundaries.

Honestly it's entirely possible that for your friend this is all very platonic for them and they don't see it as romantic, but that doesn't mean you have to be comfortable with it, or that it can't set off your repulsion. It's also entirely possible they just don't realise that or that it's making you uncomfortable. I definitely recommend figuring out your boundaries and what you're OK with and being firm with that. And hopefully they'll respect that.

All the best, Anon! And good luck!

[fandomsonrequests]

𝖆𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗 𝖘𝖊𝖑𝖊𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓..? [𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 11]

fandom: ATEEZ

characters: prince! park seonghwa

reader: fem! knight

word count: 3.6k+

summary:  It was time for another Selection. No- not a Selection for a bride but rather a well-trained knight to keep Prince Seonghwa safe after a failed assassination attempt. You, a blacksmith’s daughter, manage to make it to the elite group of knights worthy and skilled enough to protect the crown prince after months and months of training. This alone catches Seonghwa’s eyes- in more ways than one

a/n: part 11!! whew- i think its almost halfway? im sorry if the series is taking too long ;^; but thank you to those as well to whoever enjoys this so far! i really appreciate it! <3 

taglist: @iwanttohitmyself​ @minihongjoong @i-purrple-u @taetae123094 @jeonartemis @barcelona-sergei  @theoinkypiglet @sparklychangbin @krystal-cole @mangotexts @tooweirdforyou 

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The skies today were as blue as the crystal seas as fluffy white clouds filled the heavenly bodies. The sun peeks over The Capitol, basking the townsfolk in its bright but warm rays. The city village teemed with life as people went about their business. 

Today was actually a good day. But not for the delegates- today was the day of elimination.

The small dining hall the young delegates ate in was quiet. No one said a word, if they did it was done in tones no louder than a whisper. Only the ear-piercing sound of utensils scraping against the ceramic plate was heard along with the occasional clinking of mugs against the wooden table. 

The atmosphere was thick with tension. Each one of these young people felt as if they were Atlas, bearing the weight of the world on their shoulders. No one and nothing could ease them of the uncertainty on whether who gets to stay or not. Even the cockiest person among you was quiet.

You on the other hand felt as if the weight was doubled. You didn’t know how you would be questioned regarding the chapter you had painstakingly read. You had wasted so many nights and lost so much sleep over that you could only hope you didn’t fail whatever task Hae-seong had in mind. 

Breakfast passed by quickly and you soon found yourself lined up by the courtyard. Haeseong stood in front of you as Byron, and a few other knights, stood by the duke’s left. A rack of training swords was soon rolled in, the inanimate object seemingly taunting you. You knew the final exam was about to take place. 

“Delegates,” Haeseong called out in his annoyingly nasal voice. “Today is the day of elimination. We’ve reviewed your grades from training and academics and unfortunately, half of you are going home.”

A few gasps erupt from around you. You could feel your palms sweat with anxiousness and the fabric of the uniform seemed to itch more. You tighten your hands into a fist, silently praying that you’d pass this first set of eliminations.

“This just proves how incompetent you people are.” Haesong continued to earn a disappointed sigh from the large man beside him. 

“Nevertheless, it didn’t mean you didn’t try your best,” Byron interjected and sent a tiny glare to the duke who brushed it off nonchalantly. “Anyway, as your final exam- you’d be partnered off randomly to duel with the training swords.

“And for safety precautions, we shall be putting each of you in light armor.” 

You tense at that. Though you weren’t helpless when it came to swordsmanship- you weren’t sure if you were good enough either. Nevertheless, you just hoped you’d make it far. You glance to your right to see Siyeon’s lip quivering with nervousness. Your fingers discreetly tangled with hers, receiving a grateful squeeze of your hand in return. You send her a small smile to encourage her. Although she was still tense, she had relaxed a bit and had steadier breathing.

As you were all being suited up for the exam, a few of the royal court had come to watch. Among them were two of Hae-seong’s sons- the eldest who was a couple of years older than you and his youngest son who was only eighteen. You’ve seen them around the castle a few times. The younger, Minjae, was a bit spoiled but respectful nonetheless. He could be a little boisterous but you chalked that off to his teenage hormones. 

The eldest, on the other hand, Beom-seok, was just as nasty as his father or not worse. Not only was he prideful or an elitist, oh no- he had no respect in general. He would eye some of the female delegates like they were pieces of meat and pick on the castle servants when he walked around. What was worse is that whenever no higher-ups in the court were around, he’d strut along the palace as if he owned the place. He was disgusting but not many seemed to care because of his charming looks and stature in life. He had a strong jaw, a sharp nose, and fierce eyes. But his aura was just so repulsive not many really stayed friends with him. 

You saw him whisper to his brother as he glanced over at all of you. The pair snickered but the younger seemed to do so just to get his brother to shut up. Beom-seok must have been spewing some hateful stuff again so you chose to ignore him. Instead, you glance up the large window of the palace in the middle of the courtyard, hoping to see the prince. 

Seonghwa managed to plague your thoughts often ever since he had met you. He was just so different than you imagined- you didn’t think you’d grow fond of him in the way you do with your friends. You hoped that you do succeed in becoming his bodyguard because that way, you could still maintain your friendship with him.

As your gaze lands on the window, you see the prince looking down at all of you with interest. But beside him was Lady Ayeong, looking as ethereal as ever. A gentle yet curious smile was settled on her delicate lips as she surveyed over all of you. You found it hard to believe that an angel like her was the daughter of the devil. 

Seonghwa’s eyes meet yours and he sends you a subtle wink. You roll your eyes in amusement but nodded your head at him before focusing your attention on the knight in front of you to start donning the armor for the final exams. 

“Is it really this serious that light armor is needed?” Ayeong asks Seonghwa, looking up at him with a concerned glint in her eye. 

The prince merely nodded but gave her a reassuring smile in return. “Don’t worry. No one gets seriously injured during these. It may hurt but nothing that could kill.” 

Once you were all settled with the armor and the weapons, you were all ushered to the side as Byron called out two people’s names to duel. One was Julian- a city dweller with a flamboyant personality. His bouncy auburn hair glinted under the afternoon sun as he strolled up to the middle. His confidence was outstanding, it was his biggest asset. Hopefully, it wouldn’t be his biggest downfall either. 

The other was Gahyeon. You and Siyeon, as well as other folks from Trelark, sent her silent cheers. You all watched as both delegates took their positions across each other, arms raised and weapons held firmly in their hands. 

This was it.

Everyone watched earnestly as Gahyeon struck first, clashing her sword against Julian’s. The sound of wood on wood was heard throughout the courtyard. Several cries rang out and the nasty sound of splinters cracking soon joined in. 

By the end of the first duel, Gahyeon ended up with her back flat against the cobble and the wooden sword pressed to her chin. Julian was panting heavily and looked like he could collapse at any moment. Gahyeon proved that if she was going down, she was going to do so with a fight. 

Hae-seong says nothing, just dismissing the two and making them return to their spots in the line. “Julian wills the duel!” Byron announces before calling up the next two. 

Several more pairs came up. Some of the cockiest delegates had karma coming and lost the duel. Others surprised you like the quiet girl, Ursula, from the farming village in the South. She generally kept out of everyone’s business and was shorter than the average woman your age but she was quick on her feet and managed to take down her much bigger opponent pretty quickly. 

You were still marveling over Ursula’s assassin-like skill when Byron called your name. You snap out of your thoughts and head over to the middle where your opponent was already waiting. It was one of the bigger boys from the mining villages. You gulp nervously as you take your training sword from Byron and face your partner. 

You could feel your palms clam up and your heartbeat rapidly against your chest. The two of you assumed duel stances, swords in hand, waiting patiently for the signal to start. By this time, more of the royal court had come out to watch. You saw two young men that often accompanied Seonghwa stand off to the side. Maybe they were his friends but their presence just added some pressure to you. 

You inhale deeply and let out a shaky sigh right before Byron gives the signal. You make the first move, dispelling all your nerves with a short yell and bringing down your sword against your opponent’s. You managed to catch him off guard as he stumbled with his weapon, clearly not anticipating your strength. 

And for a short moment, you felt a bout of victory— that was until he pulled back his sword and swung at you. You stepped off to the side and blocked his blow, the force of the impact shot up your arms and to your shoulders. It was a rather harsh one, leaving you to grit your teeth to keep them from chattering. 

You step back when he swings at you again and you retaliate by blocking it off and swiftly following up with a slash near his middle. He narrowly avoids your move, hopping backward to do so. Your movements came right after the other, adrenaline pumping through your veins. You could practically hear your heartbeat thrum in your ears. Dust kicks up around you as you advance towards him, giving him blow after blow. Your opponent was left to defend rather than attack, his bigger stature causing himself to slow down at your faster movements. 

You felt confident that you’d win this duel. That is until Hae-seong calls out your name and distracts you. Your foot hooks against your ankle as you mean to step forward, causing you to trip. Your opponent takes this moment to swing his sword at your foot, making you fall onto your front. Several gasps were heard around you along with a ferocious cry. You look up to see your opponent actually bring down his sword against you. 

Luckily, you manage to roll away in time and the training sword lands against the spot you were on. “Are you crazy??” You exclaim. That blow could’ve killed you. You stumble back onto your feet, now weaponless as your sword had fallen out of your grip when you tripped. Your opponent takes a moment to kick away your sword and advance towards you.

You dodge another swing from him, shifting your feet to help you avoid him. “Aren’t you going to stop him?” You ask Byron and Hae-seong. The former remains silent but there’s a glint of sympathy in his eyes. The nobleman on the other hand simply grinned and shrugged.

“This is part of your test, _____. Remember the book I made you memorize? Well, I decided to quiz you— right now. I want to see how focused you really are.” He sneers. His eldest son laughs at his father’s words, making your blood boil. 

You eye your sword that was only a few steps away. Your opponent wasn’t an idiot— he knew what you were trying to do; he was doing everything to keep you from getting it back. But you were determined and stubborn as a mule. 

“First question, ______,” Hae-seong calls out as you step to the side and dodge another hit. “Name all seven kingdoms and what each are known for,” 

“The Nessa Empire: the kingdom near the sea,” You start out, trying your best to focus on the man in front of you while answering correctly. “Our kingdom of Sarem: the kingdom of the earth; the Kingdom of Velaris..” You continue on with the list and successfully manage to answer his questions.

This goes on— Hae-seong throwing question after question at you while you respond correctly- much to the duke’s annoyance. Of course, you would stumble every now and then, fatigue slowly creeping up on you, but you push through it. And finally, you see an opening. 

Your sword lay a couple of steps away and your opponent was far enough for you to reach over and grab it. You briefly glance over to the weapon and keep your gaze trained ahead of you. You patiently wait for Hae-seong to ask you another question, slowly inching towards your sword.

“Final question,” The nobleman huffed, trying to get you to mess up. “Sarem takes pride in our trade in grains and precious stones; true or false?” 

You almost answered “true” but you remembered what the prince had said the first night you met. 

“Don’t believe everything that book says— especially the part about how our kingdom trade works. It says something about grain or stones but that section is terribly inaccurate.”

You thought it was nasty on Hae-seong’s part to pull that trick out on you but you didn’t pay any attention to that. 

“False!” You answered just as your opponent was about to bring his sword down on you.  You rushed to pick up your own and swing it up to block his strike. This caught him off guard, allowing you to kick your foot out under him and make him lose balance. He falls flat against his back and you scramble to kick his own weapon away, pointing your sword against his throat. 

Byron takes this as a chance to end the duel seeing as both of you were tired. Your turn went longer than anticipated. “_____ wins this duel.” He announces, earning a few applause from the bystanders. 

You almost collapse to the ground in relief as victory floods your system. Thank the heavens. You helped your opponent up and gave him a bow of your head to which he responded in kind. You were still pretty banged and up and bruised since he got more hits in but it was all worth it to be able to make it past this final exam and to see the annoyance on Hae-seong’s face. 

It was obvious he hoped you would mess up but at least he knew to give credit when it’s due, even if it hurt his pride. He turned his pointy nose up and waved the two of you away to return to your spots and allow other delegates to go. “Moving on—“

You plop down onto your original spot, Siyeon shaking your shoulder excitedly. “You killed it!” She cheers quietly, grinning from ear to ear. “I’m so proud of you, Yellow.” 

“Thanks, Wolfie.” You reply, giving her hand a squeeze. 

You tear your gaze away from your friend and up to the window to where Seonghwa and Ayeong were watching. From your spot on the ground, it was clear that he had the brightest smile on his face.

“Her fighting spirit is commendable,” Ayeong praises, referring to you. She turns to her husband to be with a curious tilt of her head. “Don’t you think so?”

The prince felt his chest swell his pride, a warm feeling running through his veins. Though you two had met recently, he felt as if he was your friend for his whole life. He couldn’t help but feel proud of what you had achieved today. He nods in response to his companion. “I couldn’t agree more.”

The final dueling exams ended late into the afternoon. It felt exhausting to watch and go through- after all there were 20 pairs that had to go through this. Despite that- tensions were still high as everyone anxiously waited for their results. 

Some looked hopeful while others remained dejected. It was clear to some that they were convinced that they would be eliminated; regrets of not trying hard enough during the first few days due to their reluctance flooded their thoughts. Only hushed whispers and silent sobs were heard through the courtyard as everyone let their frustrations out.

Amihan scoots over to you as she clutches her splinted hand to her chest; she had fallen down during her duel causing her wrist to be sprained. Her face had dejection written all over it; it was far from her usually laid back look. Raviv follows behind her like a concerned mother hen, brows furrowed. 

“I think I’m going to be sent home,” She admits quietly to your group, eyes glazed over with tears that were threatening to fall. Both you and Siyeon immediately move to comfort her, taking her hands in yours. “I should’ve tried harder,” 

“Ami, you did your best. That’s what’s important,” Siyeon says as she comforts the older girl. “You’re such a fierce fighter Amihan. Maybe you’d pass.”

You nod in response as you offer your friend a comforting smile. “Just shout it out to the world and think of it, it's sure to happen.” 

Amihan only shrugged in response but thanked both of you nonetheless. She sat back on her heels and sighed, looking down to her palms. “Thank you for comforting me… but think it’s useless either way. I’m injured so I can’t go on with training.”

“Maybe they’ll excuse you,” Raviv interjects and settles a hand over her shoulder. “Please don’t be so down on yourself, Ami..”

Before any of you can say anything more, the duke clears his throat and catches all of your attention. He had a roll of parchment in his hand, most likely containing the list of all delegates who made it past the first half of elimination. Right now, there were fifty of you, twenty females and thirty males. All that could change after tonight. 

“I shall now be announcing the delegates who passed.”

Tension rises and a pregnant silence fills the atmosphere. It was absolutely suffocating. You could feel your heart beat erratically against your chest as you laced your fingers with both Siyeon’s and Amihan’s hands. You didn’t want to go home— not when you were this far. The weight of the pendant your father gave you seemed heavy against your chest, a constant reminder of why you were here in the first place. 

“Abel,” Hae-seong started listing out. One by one, a name was called followed by a deep sigh of relief. Stifled tears and quiet sobs were soon heard when the duke failed to call their name. 

One of those unfortunate ones was Amihan. When Duke Hae-seong continued on with the list, the names now starting with B, your heart fell. You look over to your friend who had a resigned yet accepting look in her eyes. You couldn’t believe it. Your friend was no longer going to be with you. 

“Ami..” You mutter quietly, chest heavy with grief. She only smiles at you, cupping your cheek and brushing away a hair that stuck to your face.

I’ll be okay. She whispers to you before doing the same for both Raviv and Siyeon. You felt numb. It was such a short time since you’ve known her but you’ve created a deep bond with her since your stay— it would be hard to see her go. 

The names went on and luckily, you, Siyeon, and Raviv was still safe. For a moment your solemn thoughts turned into relief. At least you were safe, you were still in the game. You still had the chance to win this thing. 

“That’s all, you are now dismissed. You may return to your rooms. To those who were eliminated, we thank you for trying your best,” Hae-seong drawls out, oddly chipper. Maybe he was just glad that he didn’t have to deal with any more “brats.” “A carriage awaits you tomorrow morning so I suggest you start packing up.”

Usually, the walk to the rooms would be lively and full of playful banter. Now it was just glum and filled with frustrated cries. Whispers of comfort floated through the air as the group parted ways to head to their respective rooms. But before Raviv could part with the rest of you, he walks over to Amihan and gives her a tight embrace. They exchange a few words, only whispered between the two of them, before separating ways. 

You and Siyeon were on either side of Amihan’s side as you walked down the hall, trying to make the most of your last moments with her. Your friend had long stopped crying, her tears turning down to sniffles. She was quick to accept her fate. 

“Well, at least I got to live in a palace for 2 and a half months.” She jokes in hopes to lighten the mood. “Even though it was a short period of time, I’m glad I was able to make friends with you two…”

She turns to both of you, pulling you to the side to allow others to enter the room without blocking the way. “I’ll miss you both.. better write to me or else I’m coming back here to hunt your asses down.” 

She managed to pull some laughs out of you and Siyeon before bringing you into a group hug. It was a bittersweet moment and none of you could stop the tears from falling. It was kind of cathartic to be able to cry after a long while, even if they were grieving their separation from each other. It was Amihan once again who pulled herself together and straightened up. 

“I hope one of you wins. And I know one of you will.” She says with such conviction in her voice it was hard to not believe her. 

As you help her keep her things for her leave tomorrow, you couldn’t help but allow this moment to fuel something within you. You had another person to fight for, and that’s exactly what you needed. If things were hard now, they were surely going to get harder. 

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

The Dragon and the Angel

Sephiroth was in his room, reading a book about the history of Eos and the nations of Lucis, Accordo, Tenebrae and Niflheim and sipping more of his favorite drink, Jenova Fruitjuice Tea with a few droplets of Lifestream extract for a minty aftertaste. His room was set up to be a study and adorned with paintings of memories back home like when he burned down Cloud’s home, though most of the paintings of his dear mom, Jenova. 

He was interrupted from his reading when there was a knock at his door, sensing it wasn’t his favorite buddy Cloud, he chose to ignore it, not bothering to waste time on lesser beings. The person on the other side knocked again, this time a bit harder as the wood of the door creaked a bit. A third knocking made Sephiroth snap his book shut in annoyance and respond.

“Im not in the mood for company, woman.” He figured it was Rhea again after her little failed attempt at wooing him and still wanting him. He wasnt one for connections, after all he was a superior being and didn’t bother wasting his time with lesser lifeforms, unless their name was Cloud Strife. He knew the woman would return as he sensed her draconic aura behind the door. However he was surprised when black mist began seeping through the door and condensing before him, the mist coming together and forming the crimson and black cloaked figure of the resident Vampire Overlord, no not Mathias Cronqvist, Gabriel Belmont, and going off of his demeanor and gaze, he wasn’t in the mood for being denied an audience with the One-Winged Angel. “Evening, i hope you don’t mind me stopping by and desiring a chat with you, Sephiroth.” The vampire politely greeted Sephiroth who was smiling to his guest as he reached for his tea cup. “To what do i owe the pleasure for the visit, Gabriel, is this about your little grandchild, Rhea, i believe her name was? Quite the beauty i’ll admit, but not my type, too human…” sipping his tea as Gabriel just raised a brow at the silverette’s words.  “Quite funny you should mention that, and ironic, considering your own concievment and upbringing.” Gabriel replied with his hands behind his back, not moving an inch as his words registered with the Ex-SOLDIER. Serpiroth set down his tea and his full attention was on the vampire now. 

“Oh i can assure you, my mother is much more than a simple human, she-"  "Your mother and father were both humans, both brilliant in their fields of work, though from what i gather, Professer Hojo is a bit of a nutcase and Ms. Crescent is imprsoned on her own terms and suffering major guilt for her actions over many things, including you. Like them you are human, your not even a Cetra like Ms. Gainsborough-Fair, human blood runs through your veins as much as the blood of the alien parasite you cling to so desperately for validation and approval, which was injected into you at such an early time that you suffer from it quite clearly. Your blind to the truth, your ‘dear mother’ only sees you as a means to an end, to consume this world and move on. Course thats not to be as she’s currently a useless corpse who'se entire presence has been wiped clean thanks to Mr. Strife and his companions, they also dealt with your machinations if im right on the details.” Gabriel brought his right hand up to cup his bearded chin as if in thought, sensing he struck a chord within Sephiroth as he felt the slow rise of power. “Is there a point to your visit, vampire, or have you come to mock my mother and hope for a slow death?” Sephiroth asked with a light frown, saw what you will about him and his true parentage, he had no care for them, but insult mommy Jenova in his presence, then it gets personal. Gabriel just shrugged and spoke up after glancing around to all the paintings in the room.

“Mocking? Oh no, you see i prefer to give truths and complete honesty when it comes to chatting about matters such as this. I understand your rejection to my dear Rhea and respect your decision, not everyone desires for companionship, be it platonic or sexual in nature. But would it really kill you again to at least open up that black heart of yours a little bit and make an aquaintance or two, or do you have a bit more of Hojo in you than you like to admit?” Gabriel asked as he heard all about the legendary Sephiroth, as the library in the Smash Mansion hosted a variety of knowledge from fighters to the small details of even the most mundane things. He also knew of his defeat and death, multiple deaths, at the hands of Cloud and his friends. Sephiroth folded his arms over his chest and while a bit annoyed by Gabriel poking the hornet’s nest in regards to Jenova, he asked anyway, “And why should I, I seem to recall you yourself are of higher status than others, but you were once human as well, don’t prattle to me about opening up and befriending others when you yourself keep within your castle and avoid mostly everyone like the plague, hypocrite.” he shot back as Gabriel just gave a light chuckle, not even denying that Sephiroth’s words were false. 

“You’re right, I was at first, but I confess, Palutena is very tenacious and managed to open me up again, Ganondorf is always pleasant to hang out with and Cereza is just a treat to be around, all in all, i quite enjoy my group of friends. Im sure if you try you could make some surprising friends around here, while sure they can’t replace dear Genesis and Angeal, it wouldn’t hurt to form new friendships, how do you think Mr. Strife and his team were so equipped to stop you and your goals? If you ask me, you might be the better swordsman, but Cloud clearly is the better fighter, perhaps Jenova should have chosen him to be her son, he clearly is much more capable than you are, Mr. Best-Soldier-Ever~” Gabriel smirked with the jab as Masamune was summoned in Sephiroth’s hand and speared through Gabriel’s chest, through his heart and out his back.  Sephiroth blinked as he didn’t hear the cry of agony that he was so accustomed to when cutting people down with his weapon, instead he was greeted with a smiling Gabriel, blade run through his torso as he wasn’t even bothered by it, he just took a step closer as the blade went further through and Sephiroth found himself close to Gabriel, Masamune about to be yanked free by its owner, but stopped when Gabriel’s cold hand clasped around Sephiroth’s wrist. “You’re angry, that good, shows that you haven’t completely discarded your humanity, and nice shot, you cut through my heart in an angle that severed the veins and arteries. But as you can clearly see, im a lot harder to kill. Now put away your washing pole and we can turn this little chat into something more appealing.” Gabriel yanked Masamune out of his body and his blood returned into him as his wound ehaled away, Sephiroth setting his weapon aside as Gabriel summoned a chair and sat down across from Sephiroth now. “Seeing as you made your grand entrance by killing off Galeem, i figure we can start by getting to know each other, from one god slayer to another.” Gabriel offered as he summoned a goblet of blood for himself. Sephiroth thought for a bit then shrugged, why not entertain this idea and see what becomes of it. -Later-

Rhea was carrying a few books she wanted to check out from the library and bring into Garreg Mach, both to help Byleth and Bylethe with their teacher duties and also for herself as she was an avid book reader in her spare time and having access to the many books about various realms and more intrigued her greatly. As she turned the corner of an isle, she bumped into someone she didn’t expect to see again, Sephiroth.

“Excuse me, didn’t see you there, here allow me.” Sephiroth greeted and knelt down as he collected her scattered books and then offered a hand to help Rhea up, she was a bit unsure but took his hand anyway and dusted herself off.

“No worries, i was more focused on my books, what brings you here, Mr. Sephiroth, you enjoy literature as well?” She asked

“I do, i read often when not participating in fights. I actually came here looking for you, Lady Rhea.” At her slightly puzzled look, he explained, “I wish to apologize for how rudely i replied to your advancements earlier. Its not that i think your repulsive or anything, its just that form where I'm from and what I’ve lived through, I’ve not the time or interests for such relationships.” He said as Rhea took that in and looked down, while yes she did manage to get over the heartbreak of rejection, she still found him interesting and couldn’t help but want to know the elusive and scary individual that as Sephiroth. “However, I am not opposed to the suggestion of making acquaintances, or friends if you would prefer.” He said as this had Rhea look back to him with surprise, studying him for any false pretenses as he held a rather calm smile that wasn’t mean. She smiled and looped an arm around his as she guided the black clad man around and started asking some questions on what type of stuff he liked to read. Needless to say, this was the start of an odd but blooming friendship.

-With Gabriel-

“Wow, thats new, here i thought he was a giant asshole for the sake of being one.” Sothis remarked as Palutena’s party were all having lunch and Sothis had tagged along at Palutena’s insistience and the group was watching Rhea and Sephiroth pick out books and go over what interests them in reading. Trevor was there too as he figured to spend more time with dad and the goddess who clearly helped him love again, that and Ganon’s kids were rubbing off on him. 

“Looks like the mamasboy had a change of heart and decided to stop being a prick, i wonder if that had anything to do with you, darling?” Bayonetta asked as her eyes shifted from the crystalball on Palutena’s staff showing them the new friends to Gabriel as he was enjoying his burger. 

“It did, we had a nice heart to heart and i convinced him that it wouldn’t hurt to make some friends around. Besides, im sure Mr. Strife would enjoy not being constantly followed around by his rival.” He said before taking another bite of his food. Alucard just chuckled and quipped.

“Surprised you didn’t threaten to tear out his wing, father. you usually resort to violence when people get stubborn and don’t want to change.” the vampire son snarked out as Gabriel just rolled his eyes.

Come now, my boy, i can be civil and persuasive when i want to be. Besides, i also promised him a good fight if he made friends with your niece.“ He added as this got Ganondorf thinking of how he could promote this and make money, The Dragon vs the One Winged Angel, sounds enticing.

[ayanna-wild]

His Other Side

Word Count: 1050

Pairings: Lucifer Morningstar x Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, comfort fluff

A/N: Request from anonymous

Summary: He'd been acting strange all night, certainly not his usual social self. You were worried but to preoccupied making sure his party was going alright to confront him. Until you saw him sneaking away.

..................................................................................

This wasn't your idea of a fun night, surrounded by people, bumping into strangers, but you went along with it anyway. You kept busy though, helping some of the servers hand out drinks, or replacing snacks when rations were running low. However, your gaze would always wander back to your boyfriend.

It was a well-known fact that Lucifer loved to have parties. He prided himself on his reputation for always throwing the greatest parties. This one should have been no different. The increasingly outgoing devil had even closed down Lux for this private party, which you had told him was pointless with how many uninvited guests had shown up. 

Lucifer being Lucifer had merely brushed off your response and proclaimed loudly over the music.

'The more the merrier!'

That had earned him a round of cheers from the increasing crowd, and an eye roll from yourself, but at least he was having a good time. Or so, you had thought. As the night went on, you noticed he looked a little less happy, looking around as if searching for an escape. 

"Y/N?"

You turned your head a moment to give Linda, who you had been in engaged in a conversation with, a quick glance. Your attention was quickly drawn back to Lucifer's retreating form. He was leaving his own party.

The Lucifer Morningstar, was bailing on a party. Something was definitely wrong.

"Can you excuse me for a moment, I need to check on Lucifer."

She smiled a little, nodding as you slipped away. He had already disappeared from sight when you finally managed to get through the dense crowd of people. You suspected he had most likely gone up to penthouse.

~

"Lucifer?" 

Everything was dark when you stepped out of the penthouse, and there was no sign of Lucifer. Your steps were cautious, and slow as you ventured further into the dark room.

"Just need a moment darling, I'll be down soon."

You saw his silhouette by the fireplace, but couldn't make out much more. His voice sounded strained, and you took a few more steps into the penthouse, drawing closer to him.

"Stop!"

His voice was loud and stern, freezing you to your spot. He'd never yelled at you before, not like that.

"Lucifer, what's wrong."

You half expected him not to reply, and the short silence that followed your question only reassuring your assumption. But then he did and his voice was so quiet you almost didn't hear him.

"Go back to the party, I'll join you just as soon as I can."

You frowned, slowly approaching his dark figure, that sat in the light less room.

"I will, when you tell me what's wrong? You're not acting like yourself right now." 

He didn't answer this time, didn't move, you couldn't even hear him breathing.

"I'm going to turn on the lights."

That got almost an immediate reaction from him.

"No, don't!"

He jumped to his feet, trying to stop you but it was too late. As light flooded the room, you saw the reason for his behavior, and you froze. His hand gripping your wrist in a delayed attempt to keep you from touching the light switch.

"Lucifer... what..."

His face was burnt and red, his skin rough and distorted. While you had seen his devil face many times, it was only ever flashes, quick glimpses that were gone when you blinked. Now, you had a perfect view, his devil face on full display for you to see.

"You should have left the lights off." 

His voice was bitter, and he released your wrist taking a few steps away from you. He wouldn't meet your eye, and you realized you were holding your breath. Lucifer visibly jerked when he heard the shuddering breath you let out, mistaking the noise for fear.

"Are you okay?"

He clearly hadn't been expecting that question, or even the calmness you had in your voice. He stared at you, as if you'd suddenly grown a second head. You approached him, stopping just a few inches from him.

"Did something happen?"

"Who knows, perhaps the stress of everything, or maybe dear old Dad has finally snapped." Lucifer bit out viciously.

You frowned, not missing the way he refused to even look in your direction.

"Is there anything I can do?"

He seemed to have trouble processing your question or more accurately your response to the situation.

"Are you not disgusted?"

You shook your head and smiled a little.

"I don't scare you? Do you not think I'm a monster?"

You tilted your head, looking confused by his questions. 

"Why would I? You're still you, still my Lucifer, aren't you?" 

He seemed apprehensive, like he wanted to believe you but didn't want to get his hopes up. Like it was all a cruel trick, and you would turn on him at any second.

"Perhaps we should have your eyes checked." He joked lightly.

Despite his teasing you could still see the uncertainty in his eyes.

"I don't care what you look like Lucifer, I mean it doesn't hurt, but that's not the only reason I love you."

You lifted your hands, softly running your fingers over the rough texture of his charred skin. He stared at you surprised, and you smiled up at him.

"We'll figure this out."

Lucifer softly placed his hands over yours, closing his eyes as he leaned into your touch. 

"And if we can't?" He questioned, quietly.

"Then we'll take it one step at a time, but I'm not going to abandon you, not because of this, not because of anything."

His body noticeably relaxed into your touch, happy you were able to put some of his worries at ease. His face slowly morphed back into his handsome appearance, his smooth skin cool against your fingertips. 

"There's my handsome devil."

His eyes searched your face, looking for any hint of fear or repulsion, but he found none. You were caught off guard for a moment, when he pulled you into his arms, holding you like you were his lifeline.

"You're to perfect for me."

You laughed a little, wrapping your arms around him.

"I was just about to say that to you."

He scoffed, his chest shaking a little with his laughter, and you smiled once more.

"I love you Lucifer, nasty bits and all."

................................................................................

@we-are-all-alittle-strange-here @adira-secrets @beththedemonhunter @shywriting @emiwrites3reads @gingernarwal @cuddly-cat-in-a-trench-coat @im-just-along-for-the-ride @lifeshortbro @sallyp-53 @officalfangirl @cptgryps @mizzezm @measure-in-pain

[menalez]

no i totally get it gjjfjf i just saw you edited your answer but i dont think you were confrontational at all in the original either, and i understand your point regarding gs discourse. i dont rlly understand most of it anyways, it just confuses me, so i dont wanna take a side on it. i know it sounded like i was defending them, but i just said it like that because gs discourse appears to be like more logical (?) than this new weird blog lol, even if it could be wrong itself

(not sure if this is anon im sorry ive been using this app for too long and still not sure how it works)

im glad u don’t think so, tone can be lost over text & i feel like i can come off aggressive sometimes even tho in actuality im just scatter-brained and ramble passionately about things sometimes 😫 when i reread it i realised maybe you’d think i was attacking u or smth when i was moreso tryna just say “im not taking it to heart (thank u for reminding me regardless) but i do think it’s stupid and disgusting regardless of how genuine it is”. im glad u didn’t see it as confrontational tho 💕

and tbh i think from what ive seen, lots of ppl just stay out of it. i don’t blame them. i try to do the same myself. when i first saw it, i got involved bc i was baffled by the mindset & i saw it coming from a mutual & i was surprised seeing it from her. but i soon realised, partaking in that discourse does nothing good for me and these people clearly are just going to repeat their same talking points and say “well IIIII didn’t do anything with a man so how can any lesbian?” “oh sure many women that called themselves goldstar lesbians for decades ended up coming out as bi & being w men but ummm goldstar status shows who’s a Real Lesbian or not anyways!” or “well i just can’t imagine being able to put urself thru that so clearly it wasn’t so bad and there’s SOME attraction there!” etc. it’s pointless. and for many lesbians like myself, such convos are triggering. i don’t like to sit there reminiscing over what i put myself thru & how i traumatised myself as a teenager, having random flashbacks is bad enough.

ANYWAYS sorry for rambling again, but you don’t need to defend urself. i wasnt trying to assume where u stand & i do agree that blog is on another level of ridiculous in terms of that discourse. at the same time, troll or not, i find whatever they’re trying to do completely repulsive so regardless of intentions…. 🤢

[rhydium]

Info dumbo about the StarFinite story?

aright u asked for it anon GET READY [cracks knuckles] this is gonna be long so obligatory cut in 3, 2........

...1!

so the uh, the au! the story!! w/e yall wanna call it! full disclaimer, i only began working on this whole thing a while ago, but it's totally taken over my fukn brain. like, we're talking big hyperfixation hrs. am i cringe for being this invested in my own content? yes? cool i do not Care >:3€

i should also throw it out there real quick that i am kin w/ infinite, n this is actually one of my two canons (both of which are my own aus lmfao wow). i didn't go into it expecting it to be but sfsfsgdfs here we are ig!! for that reason it's got extra importance to me n this definitely contributes to the euphoria i get from it!! it's a lil odd writing ur own canon,,? but i kinda just go w/ the flow!

the au n, the story that i will start Eventually, revolves around infinite n starline (obvi) n it's honestly just ... the tl;dr is big healing momence n, what's this? uh oh sisters !!! they are falling in love 😳😳😳

uhhhh so infinite is an android, made by eggman. that's like, the most notable canon divergence here! super important context to have. i've got a whole big theory on the possibility of sega originally intending infinite to be an artificial being (which i explored in the works for my Other canon too), stemming from not only the scene in forces wherein infinite comments on sonic's "data", but a line of dialogue from tails in one of the last stages of the game where he Literally Says "so this is where eggman built infinite". that ... i mean. that contrasts w/ episode shadow pretty hard don't it?? would explain why that dlc was so rushed, n the comic too. ANYWAY adsfsfs um that's a seperate ramblepost. yeah!!!

they are also agender n use they/them (primarily) as well as he/him!! so i'll be refering to them w/ those pronouns!

after the war, infinite is taken in by the resistance n, instead of being dismantled, they're basically given a chance to rehabilitate themselves. it's agreed that they won't be reprogrammed, as despite the potential risks, it feels wrong to do so; like a violation of their free will, individuality n thinking. if infinite is to be a good person, it's not gonna be bc other ppl recreated their entire personality, it's gonna be bc it's what they themselves truly want. robot ethics idk man!! u can't tell me that sonic n co wouldn't offer this to infinite if they offered it to metal in IDW,,,, i am Standing By This!!!

it's, yknow, a bit rocky, at first. infinite has to really fight the urge to return to eggman (something they already tried once, before the resistance found them; they were cast out). it's a struggle against what they were built to do, against giving into unhealthy familiarity over facing a, while healthier, unfamiliarity. new faces, a new life, turning their back on their mission n creator, it's like, a lot.

they work for/with the sonic crew, rebuilding the world they tore down as deemed fitting justice, being closely monitored for a bit as a natural precaution. as it becomes apparent infinite truly no longer has any ambition to harm others (they don't have much ambition for anything, really), they're then granted more freedom, n start taking on more important missions!! it at least gives them something to do, keeps them occupied. they have issues with dissociation, unreality, whether they're truly a real person bc, well, android. feeling purposeless, n a lack of worth, especially. a need to prove themselves. heavy stuff. i'll kinda go into that a bit more in a sec. their work grounds them, if only temporarily.

n soooooo... IDW comic stuff happens. metal virus time. starline gets kicked out of the empire.

now, as the comics are ongoing, n as this is already an au, there's gonna be divergence, n i must admit i haven't planned out all that yet. there's a lot i have to consider!! infinite being w the resistance/restoration is a big game changer ... tho i Do believe that they were absent, likely on a far out mission during most of the chaos. eggman doesn't know abt them, nor does starline or anyone else other than the sonic crew; n some civilians that recognise them.

i'm not 100% sure of Exactly when it happens, but i think it's just after bad guys, that infinite is sent to locate n bring in starline. it doesn't prove too difficult. there's a whole, starline realising "oh fuck it's you???", some bickering n, the two don't hit it off right away. they're both kinda like. not mentally stable ddgddgdds,,,

so uh. starline ends up essentially going thru the same sorta shit as infinite. careful watch, rebuilding, all that jazz, making sure he can be trusted. he's like... very very lost, quite like infinite is. the world has kinda calmed down, in the meanwhile.

it's at this point i'm gonna go ahead n drop a bit of a ramble i subjected my friends to a while ago, to articulate the way i see the two, n their dynamic together!! i was considering making this it's own post a while ago!

analysing their characters a bit... let's look at starline. Like. so we have this, in bad guys, which SENT ME tbfh;

i feel like it's the moment that triggers starline onto the path he is rn canonically,,, he's clearly like. rly mad n bitter. the core of this?? he wants his work n his efforts to be acknowledged.

he's big angry. still kind of in denial at this stage. he has himself obsessed w/ the idea of making eggman see him as Worthy, that if he just tries hard enough, that'll happen. he's dependent on eggman's validation, n i mean, it's no surprise; he's followed him a Long Time by the sounds of it.

then in the recent issue, hold the fuck up, bc we got, This;

god. my god it's all comin together now homies. this???? this right here??? it is the CLASSIC "i have to do this to prove i'm strong n powerful n smart n worthy n should be respected please Give Me Acknowledgement" ..... n who else is Like That? can u see where im going w/ this?

i think most ppl are aware of infinite's character being extremely indicative of self worth/esteem issues n the need to prove themself, right?? the extreme adversity, repulsion, perhaps even fear toward the idea of being weak. the compulsion to prove otherwise, to show their strength, to become powerful, to conquer to make a point. their theme exudes this same energy as their behaviour in-game; an aggressive attitude, trying to assert themself, while if u rly listen...? the lyrics are actually really sad in places. it reeks of cover up, although composition wise, a v interesting thing to note is a lot of the more telling lyrics are prominent while some of the affirming ones are in the background. indicative of a desire to have their true feelings be heard but caught in a vicious loop?

okay okay that's yet Another different analysis. AHEM.

not to get deep on main (oh who the hell am i kidding that's the point of this entire thing) but i think starline has issues w/ his worth in a similar way to infinite. they both seem to have this need to Prove something, whether it's to others or themselves, n get caught in a toxic spiral of doing worse n worse things for Some kind of validation or acknowledgement. they'll go to really big lengths chasing that, n both of them ultimately sought validation in the wrong place n wrong way.

this is a big part of my starfinite dynamic,, n so, what happens, as they get closer n open up??? we have them BOTH realising together that they don't have to do fuck all to prove anything to anyone. they don't need to do all this to show they're strong n smart n worth something, not to anyone else OR themselves. they're enough as they are. they bond over that shared feeling that they have to do xyz, to prove themselves, n that desire to just finally be acknowledged n appreciated n help each other thru it. to help each other understand that other ppls approval, or lack thereof, doesn't define them, their strength, intelligence, and worthiness.

i feel like they have an interesting parallel between them in like... the above could be taken as a general analysis, but to go more in depth on this au specifically?? ...

starline followed eggman for presumably a long time n it no doubt left him feeling a heavy and deep regret for all that time wasted n spent on an unhealthy path. infinite kinda teaches him that what matters is what he's doing Now n also reminds him that if none of it happened, starline wouldn't have learnt a lot of the serious skills he has. n while starline still feels bad, he also realises himself that, he likely never would have crossed infinite's path if none of it happened. for that reason, he wouldn't take it back.

infinite has only been recently made, on the other hand. they haven't really existed long, yet, but so far their experiences haven't been very positive n it can be .... discouraging. starline sorta, shows infinite their limited experiences w/ the world are a very tiny fraction of what's out there, n things can absolutely change, yes, including for the better; that's the essence of life, a neverending, constant flow of change.

it's a big tale of moving on n letting go, honestly; made easier as they're doing it together. n as they heal n grow, well... these bitches gay. sfshshdgds like, ig that's putting it p bluntly but!! they start to trust each other, understand each other more. as they get to truly know who the other is, they both start developing The Feelings. they're both pretty oblivious n the reveal is totally unknown so far!! yeah, i know, bummer. i suck. boo. adafsfsds however i can say there will be lots of content in the making!! if that soothes the soul! i've got of ideas i hope to bring to life.

ofc there's still a lot of more specific things i haven't covered here so! if y'all want more juice hmu w/ more focused questions but !! this is the overview n i hope it was a decent read now that gave some uhhh! Cool Insight! yea!!! ✌

[brieflymagnificentangel]

some days i hate being a woman

today is that day.

today is the day where all the things my mother taught me about ‘looking good for a job’, that ‘men only want to get in your pants so you should use that to your advantage’, ‘you should vanquish other women for your gain’ bullshit came true

i went to dinner with a man i met very randomly. he took a picture of me during my birthday at a restaurant a few years ago bc i was alone and he thought i could use a picture. this was totally non-creepy given the circumstances, and he was much older than me which also put him in the non creepy category immediately for me (rookie mistake but oh well). over the years we keep in touch semi-regularly talking about career stuff maily.

a few years later were in the same city and he asks to meet. i originally wanted to wear a blazer and shirt to show clearly THIS IS NOT A DATE but i decided to believe in men just this once and so wore a casual turtle neck and skirt. cute professional. 

this man first say there would be a third party. third party disappeared the day of. and now this man takes me to a tailor to buy a 900$ suit. while. i sit there. that in itself is not necessarily bad; as he framed it, it’s for “the experience”. as i had no idea of what happened next i just accepted my fate and decided to take it on to see how cool this would be

it was p cool albeit a little boring. things got weird when my man started asking me for my opinion. i then noticed no ring on his finger. that is when the ‘oh shit’ moment hit. i was the slut. the tailors must have thought that. this guy made me sit while he asks for my opinion on irrelevant fabrics (mind you, WE HAD NEVER HAD A PROPER CONVERSATION BEFORE THIS JESUS CHRIST). this would have been fine had it been truly platonic. but.. unless youre family/have know each other well for a while do you take a woman half your age to a tailor to show how much you can blow off in one night? you dont. 

it was a lil weird at this point but i thought what the hell this guy took me to a tailor he’s either gonna propose to me down the line or does not view me as a sex object, just a... tailor servant? idk lol anyway we get to the restaurant. we talk and he’s a genuinely interesting dude, so we talk. we’re talking and everything is fine and then.. first shadow of red flag. we were talking about how we met and he mentioned talking to a friend about it like: “oh i mean im only into her if she’s into me” kinda deal. internally im like fuck externally i laugh bc hiw ludocrus. WE JUST SPENT THE PAST HOUR TALKING ABOUT SUITS AND YOURE TRYING TO HIT ON ME RN??????????????????? so we continue talking and the bomb lands: “you’re very attractive”. shit broke my fucking heart. the context of the convo made the sentence to mean physically. that is when i thought ‘i hate being a woman’. we were just having a cool interesting convo about how you grew up and what you learned from it and you just..... ruined it. like fuck man i thought you were actually interested in my work and my trajectory not my looks. i put on the physically repulsed body language on and he stops for a while but then.... he says it again. and again. and then he says “it’s kind of sad in restaurant the guys who are looking for something serious but the girl so obviously wants just food”. took me a minute to realize he thought that was what was going on. no dickhead i want a GODDAMN FRIEND. a friend! a person i can hear stories from!!!!!! no t food!!! i wanted to pay!!! you refused !!! jeSUS. we continue on and we’re talking about some really cool philosophy topic (yeah im a nerd go on) and suddenly.... “you know that’s how i used to pick up girls right? philosophy”. i wanted to laugh and cry. and die. just.. why would you ruin a perfectly good moment. i was having fun. you were too. why. just why. along wiht comments like “women in the work place: you don’t have to be the most beautiful flower, you just have to be the flower”. just. my mother had to endure these assholes all throughout her career. the thing is.. he’s actually an intriguing person and i want to know him more for his story and path. not for his goddamn dick. but my point is i don’t thoroughly hate him; he’s not an outright disgusting guy. actually pretty nice. that makes it worst.

so basically women are not allowed to have men friends bc of their sex object status. growing up i hated being a woman (i didnt wanna be a man, i just didnt want to be seen as gendered). i remembered why tonight especially.

i got the courage to tell his to stop in a message after we met (in a very non confrontational way). time to say goodbye to a good friend/work mentor i guess. kill me.