sankatsuka · 9 months ago
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Backlit Lens Flare and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY Discussion - Reigniting The Passion Lost to Peer Pressure
Everyone wants to have a place to belong, where the hard work we pour into the things we love will be seen and appreciated by people. But what happens when you decide you will never find this place and resign yourself to a life of solitude, only to be proven wrong by a group of people who insist on your wholehearted hard work? And it only later dawns on you that you will someday have to part ways and you will lose the miraculous place you finally found.
This is what I like to think Rui Kamishiro encapsulates - the battle between being yourself and wanting a place to belong. How easy it is to get swayed from what you love when you think you've found this place and start to subconsciously dedicate your passion to this place instead, to the point that if you're not aware enough, you can forget the feelings in your original passion (resulting in the hesitation and doubt in Curtain Call). After all, nobody is the same, and if you focus too much of your passion on them, that passion becomes about them and not yourself. Ultimately, it is how not acknowledging a healthy boundary with people who are different from you can affect your passion (Shiho as a character is very integral to this).
Warnings:
I believe the entire WxS plot is meant to be misdirection.
Personal interpretation of Rui and several characters by inferring from text.
I believe Rui is a flawed person with no bad intentions, so there will be criticism of his character here. I really suggest turning away if it upsets you.
Spoilers for all WxS unit stories up till Backlit Lens Flare (as well as for Saki, Shiho, Akito, Mafuyu and Mizuki's characters up to their most recent stories)
Edit (11/2/2024): Made multiple edits as always, but biggest change is talking more about the foils in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY and Kitty's message. Edit (12/2/2024): Compulsory mention of Rui's mom and how he was set up for failure from way back then. Edit (12/2/2024): Expansion on the parallels between Rui and Mafuyu - what it is that makes them the CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY and Jackpot Sad Girl. And a summary on how three commission parallels supports this interpretation of CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY about Rui's characters. Edit (13/2/2024): Lets add a bit more about how Resonate with You criticizes Rui's actions in Curtain Call. AND MANJI ALSO BEING A SLANG MEANING EXCITEMENT, STILL APPLIES TO TSUKASA IDC!!
Rui's character in the story starts off as someone who has thrown the part of himself who wants to have fun making things with people after being repeatedly let down by them. The early times with Wonderlands x Showtime helped him remember that desire from childhood to find a place that accepts that desire, that he criticizes Tsukasa for not appreciating WxS - for not realizing the best shows can't be accomplished without friends.
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"--The best shows can't be done alone."
Following the fallout, Tsukasa and WxS' continued insistence and appreciation of him makes him start to see them as a place he can finally belong to. The place he's searched for for so long since childhood. That when he saw Tsukasa get hurt, he became swayed from doing the things he wanted to do for the first time and he hadn't even noticed it - because Tsukasa might leave him like his classmates had, so he has to hold back so as to not disappoint him further. This resulted in Tsukasa and Ruis second argument, with Tsukasa being angry at Rui for lying and holding back - which I later argue is the exact same feelings in his FUZAKERUNA in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.
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"This is surprising. I didn't think I'd ever feel this way." "Being afraid of losing your place, and then being unable to face the actors who seriously respond to you - this is a failing as a director."
However, this entire ordeal ended in Rui acknowledging his weakness, putting the whole deal behind them and moving on with the show, as KAITO advised. (Spoiler: it isn't weird at all to say that this happens again, with how he deals with it so indifferently like this.)
And then in Curtain Call, he becomes painfully aware that everyone may leave someday for their dreams--
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"Someday, the day we will have to depart will come... For both me, and everyone."
Doesn't this just seem like a repeat of Halloween in a different way? He's scared they'll all leave him alone. One can say that Curtain Call ignited the exact same fear of being left alone and losing your place that Rui felt in Halloween - and his reaction feels exactly the same too: acknowledge it, put it behind you and move on to doing what is best for the best shows. After all, Rui lives for the best shows, because it is what makes him most happy - albeit Backlit Lens Flare suggests how he doesn't actually fully remember the joy and passion for shows he had as a child (discussed later). The best way to put it is - Rui feels like a walking corpse of his childhood.
Normally, when you realize this possibility of parting in the future, you talk to your friends about this (see: Saki Focus 3, Get Over It). But Rui refrains from talking to the people he should be talking to (WxS) and proceeds to go for the most obvious decision for his dream by joining Arklands. Only after Asahi turns him away does he go for the next obvious option he sees - the reckless decision that he would do everything in his power to achieve everyone's dreams together. And he can so confidently chase it because he's smart, only to be put down in Backlit Lens Flare lol.
Rui has really just been powering his way through the things he finds unpleasant, as KAITO had told him to in Halloween, ignoring the bad parts and doing everything for the sake for the best shows. You can really, really argue that KAITO's advice in Halloween seems very, very morally ambiguous now lol. He doesn't think ahead of what is the best choice and what would make him happiest - it's as if he's avoiding the very line of thought of how he would do post-WxS. Compared to Shiho in Focus 1, 'Resonate With You', who shows how she has thought it through and is happy enough just spending time with Leo/need for leisure - Rui doesn't even reach this line of thought of what happens next.
I think that he avoids thinking properly about these stuff because he wouldn't have a proper answer to it. Can he really trust Asahi when many other people have disappointed him after showing some interest before this? On the other hand, he's argued with Tsukasa twice and everyone is still enthusiastic - WxS is the only place he's ever felt secure.
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"There were a few people who saw my ideas and said, 'it would be interesting if we could do it'." "But even those people gradually became reluctant with the more new ideas I brought to them."
It may generally be underestimated in the story just how much Rui doesn't inherently trust people and actors.
Even CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY begins with 'Nobody's listening anyway. Music's all just fashion, players leaving the field after devouring dead sounds one night.' which can be interpreted as people who became reluctant after they spent too long around Rui as he says to KAITO above, innit.
And then, Backlit Lens Flare happens and Rui encounters ??? (Sakaki). Sakaki immediately identifies the problem with Bakuno's acting, pinpointing it to the directors instead of the actor. Rui was not able to.
Remember, the freelance option isn't permanent - there's the possibility someone may be recruited away (It's a story for another day that he is only really worried about Tsukasa instead of the whole WxS but doesn't realize this). Rui paying attention to their growths first of all before his own is testament to how he's trying to make sure they quickly grow so they can achieve their dreams together:
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"...It seems it became good stimulation for both of them right away." "...I also need to more proactively study from this opportunity."
So even now, Rui is more worried about WxS over himself. He prioritizes making sure they are getting something out of the freelancing gig over himself. Only after watching them was he stimulated to do his best too - and here comes the question, where did his drive to be proactive for his own passion go to?
Sakaki's ingenuity finally pops this question to Rui's mind. Had Rui's brain not been filled with the worry of losing his place, he may have been able to think more clearly and just as quickly reach the same conclusion as Sakaki. If he had been filled with thoughts of what was satisfying for himself instead of how he could stay with everyone, he may have been able to create a much better film (see: Shiho Focus 3, Stick to Your Faith). In fact, why is he even so bothered about falling behind Sakaki, when Rui isn't even an adult or a professional director himself?
It's not normal to be bothered about that: Nene was never hard on herself for not being as good as Kazamatsuri, because it's a given she's far away. But she does get upset with herself when she realizes she had looked down on Sakurako and naively seen her as an equal. You only react that way with people you see as equals if you're secure.
Perhaps, the passionate person Rui used to be would have admired Sakaki and want to learn from him out of a pure love for shows instead. And not be so bothered about how he was falling behind professionals.
We see Rui fail twice in the story: not figuring out the problem with the scene, and not thinking ahead of personalizing the script like Ohara had. (There is a third time too: how Tsukasa and WxS seem so moved by Bakuno's performance that Rui played no part in - meaning there are others who could easily replace him - if the emotions in this discussion hold true). And it's no wonder it would have him start questioning and blaming his obsession with WxS for it - if he had not been preoccupied with them, he may have avoided his failures altogether, and even if he did, he wouldn't have been this upset.
It's like a hit to his ego. Is how he's acting and behaving really the same boy who loved shows and would do anything for a show that would satisfy him?
Right now, it's as if Rui is trying hard to protect his position as a talented genius that surpasses everyone so WxS will need him for their dreams and want him around. No one can replace him; only he can achieve their dreams for them.
But Sakaki and Ohara prove him wrong.
The closing lines of Backlit Lens Flare, where he focuses on his own feelings towards directing instead of anything WxS learned, implies this self-realization of how he had been behaving. Rui is finally focused on himself.
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"I'm disappointed that I didnt come up with this method, but strangely enough, I feel refreshed." "Directing... really is interesting."
FIRST UP. WHY DID YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH THE METHOD. SECONDLY, WHY ARE YOU REFRESHED. It makes sense to me as someone who's been carried away a lot: when you realize you lost sight of your original intentions and began worrying more about so many unnecessary things, you feel bitter at your mistake but relieved and refreshed you've finally been woken up.
To me, all of these feel like they're pointing to Rui being afraid of losing his place in WxS. So he has to be capable of solving everything, achieving everyone's dreams, so they will need him for it and they can keep staying this way. Before this, it seemed like a normal human emotion he had just never experienced before, but now, it's starting to show it's actually detrimenting his passion.
This is what I believe the theme of trends are playing into in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY - doing anything you can to make sure there will be people to hear and appreciate your music, and the spite in realizing you've lost yourself in that pursuit. Money is the artificial love you receive by catering to people so they would stay and listen to you. It's heartless, but following his character, it seems the crowd he's referring to is WxS. Because they have their strong individualistic dreams and just won't simply stay with him as he wants them to, he has to keep worrying about keeping up with them (Tsukasa mainly):
But still, here, there, everywhere, loners, manji, Gen Z, even monkeys want it.
Loners=Rui Manji (a sign of good things to come)=Tsukasa (being surrounded by good luck charms; kanji 天 being associated with heaven; inviting Rui to WxS) (edit: manji is also a slang for excitement, which Tsukasa literally is for Rui) Gen Z=Nene (digital age, playing video games) Monkey=Emu (in Rui's picnic card and Emu in Sky's Edge)
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(In NY2, Emu ended up drawing tons of big luck omikuji, and Tsukasa is surrounded by monkeys in Island Panic - so you can suggest their roles are reversed. But the robot monkey Tsukasa in picnic suggests Tsukasa isn't a real monkey.)
Curtain Call and Backlit Lens Flare together show how not addressing and expressing fears properly and simply moving on changes nothing. Self-awareness and powering through is useless advice - anyone who's had troubles with lovers, friends and family know you need to talk and accomodate each other. Or not, is it even feeling loved and cared anymore, isn't it just about control then?
In Resonate with You, Shiho makes Leo/need think through their choice to join her into becoming a professional, rather than accepting them right off the bat. She knows from her prior experience working with people that half-hearted musicians would only fail, suffer and drop out. It is only by Leo/need wholeheartedly declaring their intentions of facing music sincerely and seriously that Shiho is convinced that they can all do it together for sure. This is such a contrast to Rui in Curtain Call where he decides on his own that he will find a way for WxS to achieve their dream together, while barely thinking at all. And he winds up focusing so much on making sure WxS stays together. You need to think it through, face the future seriously and talk properly. NOT JUST LEAVE IT THERE!!
Or else you'll lose sight of your original motivation from focusing too much on things that don't really matter as much to you: you'll just end up half-hearted.
Further proof that Backlit Lens Flare is Rui's realization of his half-heartedness since Curtain Call, is that Tsukasa gets angry at him in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY like he does in Halloween. It isn't even a desperate shout to save someone - it's like a look of pure judgmental disappointment, as if they've been through this already. Stop lying.
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He already shouted in anger in Halloween. If that didn't reach Rui, then there was no point in being all angry anymore.
Rui was repeating Halloween, trying so hard to protect the place he belongs to and forgot what he himself truly wants. From there, the lyrics in the entire CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY are self-explanatory: what happened to the things you wanted to sing? (I was so happy with the lyrics because it was exactly what I was thinking in Curtain Call but no one seemed to care).
One thing you can never take away from Rui is that he is a very, very passionate guy. He loves what he does that he would spend every waking hour of his day working on it. Even if he's become a shell of his former self, his body is still naturally drawn to shows (Samsa Kanade reference heh). And Rui himself believes himself to be purely passionate too. So when he realizes that passion has been thoroughly dirtied, it makes sense he's as angry as he is in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.
In Anni 2, Rui says he didn't know what he wanted to do like Mafuyu, but then he corrects himself to say he THOUGHT he knew.
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"Actually, in the past, I didn't know what I wanted to do." "No... I should say that I thought I knew, but I actually didn't know at all."
For a brief moment, Rui thought he was just like Mafuyu with nothing to call his own. Until he quickly remembers that he did indeed have something he wanted to do, but claims to have been mistaken.
Why did you briefly relate to a girl who felt like she had nothing she wanted to do like everyone else, if that isn't a sign of his current state of mind - feeling like he has no dreams like WxS, and having to keep up with them so that he can feel like he belongs (discussed later in the parallels with Cinema). His lost passion became more evident at this point of the story.
If you 'thought you knew', then that means it was once a genuine feeling too. Even if you're alone, doing what you love is still fun - Shiho in her Focus 3, 'That Day, The Sky Was Far Away' demonstrates this. Although she had been let down by the bandmates, she was still fine alone because music made her feel better. And she even inspired Mihane because of her enthusiasm. After all, what you love to do should make you happy to some extent.
In comparison, Rui seems to have forgotten that shows were actually fun in middle school (probably because Stick to Your Faith never happened for him). When he approached Mizuki, he was standoffish and didn't think to introduce Mizuki to the fun of shows even when they expressed some interest in it. Probably because he couldn't even remember it himself. But being able to make that decision suggests he did still have some semblance of emotions that felt like shows were fun. Once again, a walking corpse of his chiildhood.
In the end, it's like he already lost this original joy for shows since middle school, and then grew even more confused about what made him happiest with the new joy he experienced after finding a place in WxS. He hasn't been able to wholeheartedly enjoy his passion because he's been continuously rejected, and he thought he was having fun when WxS accepted him - but in the end, that fun was from finally finding a place.
Update: Tetrad gives more implications of how Rui had gone astray post-Curtain Call. Tsukasa and Rui sing together, "We're facing the same direction", but Rui appears troubled. It's like Rui can't declare that he is chasing his dreams as confidently as the rest of WxS. Deep down, a part of him probably knew this even before Backlit Lens Flare happened but was afraid of facing it.
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I would further go on to associate CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY to both Kitty and Cinema which its imagery resembles. The card set takes place in Shibuya where Kitty takes place in, and Cinema uses the same director's cut + Tsukasa's trained card directly mentions Cinema on the billboard.
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There's also the naming that is clearly based on Jackpot Sad Girl - which I think just goes to highlight how both Rui and Mafuyu have the power through it mindset that it lands them dead and sad respectively: people need to reconcile their differences with others to truly love and feel alive (Rui) and people can't endure stress for too long without getting depressed (Mafuyu). Both ignored their human needs and thus this is where they wound up.
The parallel with Kitty feels like it's also within the overall messaging - how facing things can lead to losing yourself even more when you aren't mentally prepared and have no clear-cut answer (sounds similar to what Rui carelessly did in Curtain Call, doesn't it?). In Mafuyu's case, she seemed about ready to change herself again to please her mother, and in Mizuki's case, opening up to Niigo would make them more sensitive to what they say and probably even change themselves so as to not be left alone. Mizuki has even expressed this sentiment once by dressing as a boy in middle school, when they already knew they loved cute things since childhood and was even reaffirmed by their sister.
In Our Survival and Escape, the point is made that it's BECAUSE Mizuki never opened up to Niigo that they were able to protect their heart. Compare this to Rui, who bore everything about himself to WxS by not holding back with his performances and past and thus gained their unconditional acceptance. As a result, he becomes swayed by them when he realizes that things would come to an end and becomes preoccupied with stopping it even at the cost of himself - his passion. If Mizuki had similarly put their utmost trust in Niigo like this, it wouldn't be surprising either if they quickly get swayed to stop expressing themselves too if one of them ever expressed dismay (hinting that they would leave).
Thus, in order to find the answer to real love, you have to protect your heart first, even if it means running away and distancing yourself from others (Kitty). But unlike Mizuki, Rui was taught from childhood to simply not care about what people say, so he has never been aware of just how much words can affect you (compare the advice Mizuki's sister and Rui's mom gave them: completely different). This winds him up in CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY, where he's unknowingly adjusting himself for WxS to not leave him.
As for Cinema, both songs capture how Akito and Rui's struggles and fears at the time feel like the exact same - being left behind and losing your place because you weren't enough, to the point of losing who you really are (Akito pushing himself to be passionate to match everyone else, Rui falling into the trap of peer pressure to match everyone else. What they envy in 'everyone else' is how they want things that Akito and Rui don't feel like they really care about and view as meaningless. But in truth, they don't care about it only because they're more concerned about belonging - they've always had it deep down in them.).
But in Akito's case, VIVID BAD SQUAD directly reaches out for him when he pushes himself far too much and forces himself to suffer to make up for his lack of talent. That's why Akito is reassured that even at his weakest and most pathetic, there will be people there who refuse to leave him alone. So Cinema feels like Akito freely lamenting on how he's different from the people, that he can't keep up with them, but with VBS by his side, he feels like it's fine to find and pursue who he truly is.
On the other hand, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY feels like Rui's suppressed spite from having to keep up with WxS in order to not be left alone. Because everyone else will betray him, it has to be and can only be WxS who've endured him until now. It's the first time he found people who would stay, so he's desperate not to lose them that he would subconsciously change himself so he can keep matching their needs. And the realization makes him spiteful, because he's lost what was fun for him from that need to change for others to stay. And he's left to stay lost to the very end, because the only way right now for him to be himself and stop worrying is by others matching him instead, but there is no way to 100% control people - compared to Akito who found his answer by coming to terms with the impossibility to control yourself to be someone else. Because VBS was there to accept him as he was when he was trying so hard to be someone else.
Rui will probably eventually realize he has to just accept he's lost his passion from the fear of being alone and stop lamenting controlling everything around him, once he gets tired of it and reaches his limit like Akito in Stray Bad Dogs.
Suddenly everyone started up onto a nonsense scenario (Whatever you do, wherever you look, there's a traffic of influencers.)
It's just like a movie, exactly like a movie. (But still, here, there, everywhere, loners, manji, Gen Z, even monkeys want it.)
No matter where you go, there's a story. (Just give me a punchline, its meaning can be whatever.)
Cinema and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY are like the perspectives of two boys who feel like outsiders to the world, but one is actively trying change himself to belong somewhere and the other finds himself suddenly facing peer pressure when he used to not care about belonging somewhere. It's even contrasted in Akito's customer service front and Rui's indifference to school terrorism that they are foils of one another in a society. And probably why Akito hates Rui too - for taking any means necessary to achieve what he wants without a care for people, when Akito has spent his life working hard to be equals to people in order to belong.
[More similarities in lyrics, in no particular order (CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY in brackets):
Traffic’s already jammed up now. Oh well, nothing I can do about that anyway (Whatever you do, wherever you look, there's a traffic of influencers.)
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” "What was it supposed to be like then?" (What happened to things you wanted to sing about?)
Back then I'm sure it was there. The thing that I envisioned was there. When was it that I... (There must have been something you wanted to sing about.)
What are you playing at? Who are you trying to be? There's no way you could be that, right? (At this rate this will never end. What you want definitely isn't money.)]
Maybe it's coincidence, but the lyrics in Cinema also reference Curtain Call very early on:
Someday it'll be bye-bye when the end comes, so Smile for the curtain call and applause.
Cinema is accepting of it and faces it head-on. Rui still avoids it.
And Cinema also captured what happened in Backlit Lens Flare with Bakuno. Something Rui couldn't figure out on his own without Sakaki and Emu:
If you're not suited for the role, Then just rewrite the script!
This is as if implying Akito realizes early on that people are all different, and there may come a time you have to part because of your differences. So you don't have to keep worrying about fitting in - try your best to be yourself instead and smile when it all ends.
This is something that Rui hasn't faced at all, so it's pretty meta that he hadn't thought of matching the actor's individualities. It seems he's lived with the belief that directors have to adjust themselves according to the level they believe the actors are on and actors have to work their hardest to live up to the director's wishes at all times - because the director knows best. Instead of truly understanding their actors for who they are as individuals and what they individually need.
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"I always try to cast actors in a way that brings out their strengths." "That's why I always get you to play the role of a type that is easiest for you to match."
And this becomes a regret for Rui in the same story - realizing that he hadn't thought enough about what Tsukasa really wanted and needed.
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"...I feel a little regretful that I hadn't thought that far."
Nene's surprise at Rui's words further imply that this isn't how he normally is. That he wouldn't be thinking so much about people and their personal needs.
It isn't therefore surprising that he agrees with and commits to the mindset that he has to power through his emotions without speaking to anyone. He expects that from his actors, and applying it to real life, it means that your role and scenario have already been decided from birth and what was left was living up to it. It's frighteningly similar to the lyrics in Engeki, which I wasn't even thinking about. Except it wasn't forced on him but rather something Rui decided on his own, with no harmful intent from the people who fed that mindset. Even before KAITO - it was his mother who unknowingly instilled this in him:
"People are people, I am myself. If you take care of what you like, someday you'll be able to make friends too. Like how I met your dad." (i.e. don't bother with the painful things around you, just keep doing what you do and keep going until you get there.)
And hence why this commission is full of firey anger. The story tramples on the way Rui has lived until now, proving him wrong when he thought he finally found his answer by powering through his fear of losing WxS. How it made him realize that he had at some point been driven by something petty like being with friends forever and lost the passionate part of him, the one who would do anything to satisfy himself. He's realized he's no longer having fun like the child he used to be, evident from the lyrics that start off with how he no longer has anything he wants to convey.
"Now let's all laugh. Aren't views more important than art? A terrible price for the virus. So what will you do? Is that really fine?" The lyrics are as if Rui is finally realizing that everything he's been doing, making people smile up until now, has been just for views (for WxS to stay around), and it finally makes him question, is this what he really wants??? Where did all the passion, fun and self-satisfaction that he thought he was making shows for went to???
(This is a more literal translation, the popular TL translates it as Then what do we do? Was that how it was supposed to go?)
I don't know if it's clear now - but in conclusion, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY feels very much like Rui realizing how he was more focused on protecting his place over enjoying what he does. The first lines of the song do seem to be screaming a spitefulness in not being able to just do what you enjoy: "No one wants to listen (...), I don't have anything I want to convey (...)"
That's why CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY is an ironic name, appearing on the director's cut to imply they're filming a movie of Rui's life. How Rui had been living dead against his own self - falling victim to peer pressure (trends) to protect his place in WxS. Until Sakaki reminds him of the heights his true self wanted to reach and reignites the passionate fire for theatre inside him.
In summary, to simplify it, CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY's parallels come together to tell a complete story about Rui Kamishiro (biased but idc): 1) Jackpot Sad Girl: The unhealthiness of Rui and Mafuyu's mindset of powering through what they think they want without properly talking to people. 2) Kitty: How putting your trust in people can sway your heart and steer you away from what you truly want, something Mizuki knows and thus avoids but not Rui. 3) Cinema: A combination of Jackpot Sad Girl and Kitty - how a person with Rui's mindset is left feeling angry and confused when realizing he has lost himself from having his heart unexpectedly swayed by people. This is foiled by a complete opposite like Akito who has lived a life with no reason to truly call his own and is bitterly aware of how it is all because his life has always been completely defined by other people.
(Man, I LOVE the Cinema foils so much. Akito and Rui are such perfect opposites I LOVE THEM.)
And finally, from the end of CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY:
Devoid of soul, music remains silent Unheard lyrics conceal their essence; without playback, music loses its meaning. Thus, modern music is pronounced deceased.
YES. YES. DEVOID OF SOUL AS I SAID, HOW RUI KAMISHIRO FEELS LIKE A WALKING CORPSE OF HIS CHILDHOOD. PLAYBACK!!! LOOK BACK AT YOUR PAST AND FIND YOURSELF!!! REMEMBER THE JOY AND PASSION YOU CAN'T GIVE UP RUI-KUN!!! Stop trying to keep people around, face solitude and be brave: what's most important is to be yourself!
Backlit Lens Flare felt like a reawakening for Rui, and it's why it's one of the best stories alongside Pandemonium for me. If Tsukasa is completely avoidant, then Rui is full of blatant lies. But of course because the writers will never clearly describe the emotions in WxS stories, I can't confirm this is the intended interpretation. It's just my own personal interpretation that I enjoy best and makes most emotional sense to my personal experiences.
But my opinions are bound to change because there are soooo many ways of seeing things. For now, this is what I think of Rui Kamishiro in Backlit Lens Flare and CYBERPUNK DEAD BOY.
63 notes · View notes
rookiesbookies · 10 months ago
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mischievous COD ideas😈
Heavily pregnant reader knowing that her hubby doesn’t want to be rough in the slightest with her due to her pregnancy and refrains from punishing her, so she abuses that fully to be a brat
To my sweet sweet brat reader, Im sorry if this is not all you hoped as I am a resident good girl. The one time I was a brat I got degraded (“such a good bitch”) and cried. I hope I do a good job portraying the relationships, if I dont let me know and I will edit it or rewrite sections that dont fit. You also didn’t specify so imma write for my usual set of lovelies. (Im also added Krueger because I’ve recently fallen in love with him a lil bit and he kinda fits thi)
The boys with pregnant brat wife
Price
This man is too worried about helping you get your shoes on. “You’re pregnant, isn’t not being able to see your feet punishment enough?” He’s not going to do much other than pinching you. Whether it’s your ass or your arm, and they’re hard “i had to discipline Soap subtly and im a dad” pinches. He’ll also use pressure points. Give the back of your arm the good pinch and twist. He’s just trying not to take it personally.
Soap
He’s googled what positions he can put you in. He’s googled if its safe for the baby. He has googled what he can and cannot do. He has spoke with your doctors about it, as embarrassing as that phone call was. And for certain punishments, its a long game. Like holding your ice cream you crave hostage until you learn. If he can’t make it sexual, he’ll find other ways.
Ghost
Like Price, he’s also using pressure points. Not the ones that knock you out but the ones that feel weird or make you got “ow”. Cannot get hard and it’s not because you’re not hot its bc he literally gets more flaccid than a limp noodle at the thought of possibly hurting that baby. He’s also very good at holding grudges and every time you brat out and walk all over him, he’s making a note on his phone for later.
Konig
Oh but he just got you to whine and cry you admit you want his cock. He knew eventually he could wait out your little game. “You acted out and now you must wait until I want to give it to you. You ask so nicely though, keep trying. I like when you beg.” He’s so mean, he’d make you wait until after you gave birth and however many times you acted out is how many weeks (or months depending on how he’s feeling) after you have to wait to get any pleasure from him.
Keegan
your toys aren’t doing it for you anymore? Nope. He’ll keep fluttering his fingers over you figure and let you use that tiny dildo he got you that cant even stretch you like he can. That’s all you get. His hands wont even go lower than your waist. They wont even touch close to your nipples. This is real torture. Every orgasm is so unfulfilling. I feel bad for you really. Hope this teaches you.
Gaz
He’s a doormat anyway. I don’t see him punishing anyone. He’s too much of a gentleman. I do believe he’d pull orgasm after orgasm out of you casually when you act up with his hands. Never giving you his dick as much as you beg. Pleading, crying for it, he wont budge. No you can deal with the consequences of your actions while he sits here and watches this movie. “Why aren’t you watching, love? You picked the movie. No, no, stop your whining, just sit and watch.”
Krueger
Sebastian doesn’t care. He’ll find other ways. Like right now you’re legs spread and hands flat against the wall as he spanks your ass, every time he does you have to say thank you and apologize for snapping at him. He knows you’re hormonal, but he’s going to make you apologize. Oh and he’s kissing away those tears and asking you if you understand what you do wrong while running you a nice bath and all the rubs and lotion for your poor butt.
Masterlist is pinned on profile as always, don’t forget to leave me a comment or a request in my inbox to let me know what yall want to see!
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bambisspeckles · 2 months ago
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A Cigarette, A Guiding Light, My Guardian Angel
Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader
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*pics for aesthetic purposes only!
CW: simon is kinda gross (its my fav simon im sorry), depictions of a mildly unhealthy relationship but everyones happy, reader is going through it, simon also has his own issues but nothing is specifically mentioned, very light religious themes (literally one paragraph), simon is also a little mean but like teasing mean, mild editing, lmk if i missed anything!!
WC: 3.6k (oops!)
Summary: Simon finds a stray, only it's not an animal: It's you.
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It's winter again.
The cold, biting air nips at your skin as you wander the streets streets of Manchester, your mind in a constant daze. You've been wandering for awhile now, traveling on trains, staying in hostels, shelters, and sketchy hotels, with no place to call home, the one you once had a place you vowed never to return to. It's scary, lonely, the world feels so big when you wander with only the clothes on your back and a few things to your name.
You get desperate, especially during times like this. It's so cold out and your winter coat is wearing, seams splitting apart, and new holes appearing on the fabric everyday. You've tried shelters but most are full, not that you'd be able to afford to stay long anyhow, and hostels in Manchester cost too much per night. You're exhausted, your feet blistering, and your shitty winter boots are rubbing against the back of your ankle. You feel much like the sky above, dark, gray, cloudy.
Sometimes you consider knocking on peoples doors, begging for shelter and a hot meal but the fantasy ends as quickly as it begins, there's no point in begging for something people won't give you. You don't entirely blame these hypothetical strangers though, the world is crazy and hard, most of them are probably barely holding on themselves, how could you expect them to take care of you, even if only for a night. Not to mention it's dangerous for them, what if you're crazy? You're not but they don't know that. You don't know if they're crazy either.
That might be a chance you're willing to take though.
The sun is beginning to set and the air is growing frostier by the minute, you know shops will close soon so you'll only be able to camp out in them for so long. You wonder if it's even worth it, going into a nice warm cafe only to be kicked to the bitter cold is almost worst than just staying it, the warm and cozy atmosphere taunting you with what you can't have. It's cruel, begging on the street, the looks of pity from strangers, it all feels like one humiliation game, like god is taking pleasure in watching you lie down like a kicked dog.
Some nights you beg him to take you out, others you beg him to provide you hope, a guiding light, a guardian angel, anything that might give you hope to keep trudging on. It is said in times of struggle people either turn to god, or walk away from him.
You think you're somewhere in between.
Something snaps you out of your thoughts, a shadowy figure walking down a dark alleyway you were passing by. You know better than to follow monsters into the dark, and maybe if you were still the girl you once knew, you'd shrug it off and continue down the sidewalk, just like anyone else would. Only you're not like anyone else now. You're detached from society, the dirt on the bottom of people's shoes, you're not even sure you're seen as human anymore.
You can call but no one will answer.
It's normal for your, how have people put it? Your kind, to reside in alleyways, dark hallways the rest of the world wouldn't dare to touch. It's where the dirty go, the sick go, the broken go. You think you fit that bill well now, and since you do, you ignore the way your gut screams at you to turn around, and run back to the light. You've learned there is no hope in the light, so perhaps you'll find it in the dark. You walk further into the alley, the darkness making it feel like a never-ending tunnel. Everything you expect to be there is there, used needles and empty bottles, bodies slumped over, you're not quite sure if they're dead or alive.
Dirty. Broken. Sick.
Everything is there, everything except what you're looking for. You not even sure what it is, all you know is that you haven't found it yet. Perhaps it's not a thing you're looking for, maybe it's a person. Darkness envelopes you like a cold, uncomforting blanket, it feels like tendrils of murkiness are wrapping around your body, pulling you further into your own misery. You're not really sure how long you walked, it was likely only a few minutes but with the state of your mind it felt like hours. You can tell you've finally reached the end when you can squint and see a brick wall in front of you.
God, what did you expect. It was a whole load of nothing, of course it was. The cold was probably getting to you and you can't imagine you're in the best mental state at the moment, of course you're not! You just walked down a dark alleyway, I mean no one willingly does that unless they're mentally unwell and-
"You shouldn' follow strange men into dark alleyways girl." A deep, gravelly voice pulls you out of your thoughts. You take a quick moment to collect yourself, your voice practically a squeak as you talk.
"W- what makes you think I was following you." The man laughs at that and you finally turn to look in his direction, the orange glow of a cigarette butt guiding your gaze towards him.
'Wha' else would you be following? Or are you tryin' to tell me you walked down an alleyway jus' cause." There's a cocky, almost teasing lilt in his voice. It makes you scowl, not that he can see.
"I don't know why I came down here." You reply honestly and there's a helplessness that unwillingly seeps through your voice. You're afraid it reveals too much.
You hear the man huff at your words before he speaks again.
"Go home. S' not safe for such a little' bird like you to be out here all alone." You faintly feel the thick smoke from his cigarette as he blows out, tendrils of ash caressing your skin
"I don't have one, not anymore." You're not sure why you tell him this. He doesn't care, he can't save you.
Perhaps, foolishly, you hope he will.
"Bit dramatic are you?" The man takes another drag of his cigarette and you huff at is words.
"I'm not being dramatic, it's true. I don't have a home, I thought it'd be obvious with my unsightly appearance." He chuckles at that.
"Can't see you well in the dark… Perhaps we should step into the light, hm?" You hear the man shift in place for a moment, the sound of ruffling clothes filling your ears.
"There's not much to see in the light either." There's a beat of silence before the man speaks once more, his shadowy figure leaning closer to you.
"Come home with me bird." It's more of a demand than a question.
"I'm not some whore for hire." The bite in your voice causes him to grunt rather harshly, flecks of orange ember falling onto your skin.
"M' not tryin' to fuck you. Said' you got no where to go, m' offerin' you a place to stay. Take it or leave it bird." He blows out one final puff of smoke before the orange glow of the cigarette butt slowly dissipates into the night, the odd comfort of the dull light dissipating with it.
You clench your jaw for a moment, the sound of your grinding teeth filling the tense silence. Perhaps if you were still the person of your past, you'd say no, but if you were the person of your past you wouldn't be here at all. You're no longer integrated into society, no longer part of a community, you have nothing and no one yet the world keeps spinning, how foolish you were to think you mattered at all. Who are you to think you're above anyone else? Everyone just wants the same as you, a warm bed and a hot meal.
There are many paths to the same place after all.
With a long, breathy sigh, you nod into the darkness and though you doubt the man can see it, he somehow knows you've said yes.
"Smart thing you are." He coos at you so softly and it makes your stomach twist, though the underlying purr of his words makes your heart thrum just a bit.
Not that you'd say that out loud. \ You don't feel very smart at the moment, but who knows, maybe the monster in the dark can offer you more than an angel in the light.
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Simon knows better than to pick up strays, especially one as clueless as her, they're more trouble than it's worth; Dirty, sick, broken. He already has to continuously pick up the pieces of his past, millions of little shards that he has to take the time to glue back together, over and over again, he doesn't want to do that for anything else. He's always been firm in it too. Johnny constantly pokes fun at him, telling him his heart is colder than he originally thought, that perhaps he'd find a bit of joy in a disheveled little thing.
Johnny probably meant a cat though.
Instead, Simon's got himself his very own bird. He had no intention of caging you, truly he didn't, he was content to send you on your way, send you out of his life. But when the moonlight hit your features just right, a vulnerable glow in your eye visible, and the helplessness in your voice seeped out, he couldn't help himself. Simon never acts based off his wants, off his selfishness, but perhaps just once, he could have a pet of his own.
So that's what he does. He takes you, and you don't put up much of a fight. Willingly following him out of the dark alley and back into society, bright street lights causing him to squint his eyes. He asks your name and you tell him so sweetly. You're scared and unsure, he wants to tell you not to worry, that he's a bad man but he'd never hurt a helpless thing like you. Eyes all wide and glassy, furrowed brows, and pouty lips. He wonders how such a soft bird like you ended up shunned from the world. You don't look like a junkie, and you told him yourself your no whore for hire, when he looks at you all he sees is a helpless kitten, separated from all her purebred friends, and tossed outside for tomcats like him.
You fidget anxiously when he ushers you towards his car, his calloused hand moving onto your lower back to guide you softly, causing you to stiffen up for a moment. He chuckles meanly at that. Your fretting continues in the car and Simon's not sure what more he can do to calm you down, after all, he's never dealt with a stray before.
He resolves to leave you be, eventually you'll realize that his home is yours, that you're safe now, that he'll take care of you. You'll let yourself be pampered by him and he'll have a trophy to show off to the world, a pretty little thing perched on his arm like a good little bird.
Simon doesn't like strays, but he sure does like you.
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The man tells you his name his Simon and he doesn't tell you much more, you don't bother asking anything else, maybe you should. He takes you to his home, it's empty and lifeless, you think it speaks on the kind of man he is, you're not sure if it should scare you. You linger in the entryway unsure of what to do, it feels strange to be in a home, strange in a way you never thought it could. You feel out of place, uncomfortable, there's something inside you screaming, telling you to run away. Unfortunately, you don't want to play the cards you've been dealt and now you're forced to draw. Perhaps it's a mistake, if it is you're not sure you care.
"You jus' goin' to stand there bird?" Simon's voice startles you, pulling you out of your dazed state.
"Sorry…" You're quiet, a bit shy even, and you're not sure how to feel about the smirk that grows on Simon's face at your discomfort.
"Nothin' to apologize for," He says gruffly. "Come inside." So you do. Shuffling your feet against the wooden floorboards as you make your way over to him.
He guides you into the kitchen, a rough hand on your lower back as he silently urges you to take a sit in a small dining chair. You don't move for a moment so he drags the chair out for you, it's wooden legs screeching against the floor. He stares at you as you settle and you can't quite tell what he's looking for. You're in such a vulnerable state, emotionally rubbed raw, and physically you're sure you're much weaker than before. It's scary, and with his gaze your palms begin to sweat.
You wonder if this is what being prey feels like? Bottom of the food chain; the weakest link.
Simon feels much like a predator, stalking you, watching you. At any moment he could decide to rip you open, take whatever he wants from you, leaving your carcass behind as evidence of what he's done. He watches you for a few moments longer before his gravely voice breaks through the stillness.
"You must be hungry bird, why don' we get you somethin' to eat?" You nod at him timidly and he grunts back before turning around to rummage in his fridge.
"Don' have much to eat right now…" His voice trails off for a moment before it picks up again. "Can order take out, unless you're starvin' right this second." You shake your head at him, a pathetic 'no' escaping your lips. He tilts his head a bit and you realize 'no' may have been to vauge.
"I can wait." Your voice suddenly finds you again but it's still nothing more than a whisper.
He hums at you before picking up his phone and dialing a number. He places an order of what sounds like Chinese food and then hangs up the phone, the clacking of the screen against the tiled countertops causing you to cringe a bit.
"S' the only place open this late," He explains suddenly. "Would've asked you wha' you want but nothin' else is open." You shrug your shoulders and he chuckles at you.
"Timid thing you are, you know that bird?" You don't respond but he doesn't expect you to. Instead, he opens the fridge again, pulling out a half empty of beer before turning on his heels and walking over to his couch.
You watch as he sinks down into the cushions, the fabric stained and worn down, sipping on his beer while watching whatever happened to be on TV. You stay sat in his dining chair, eyes trained on his hulking figure sat on the couch, your body fidgeting in the uncomfortable piece of furniture. You want to speak but the words feel heavy on your tongue, to be honest you're not even sure what you'd say.
"You think loud." His gruff voice cuts through your dazed state and you jump in your seat.
"Sorry…" It's all you can think to say, you're not even sure what you're sorry for. You think maybe you're sorry for letting someone see you like this, weak and pathetic, sorry for letting him see you so timid and scared, not because you feel pity for him.
But because you pity yourself.
"Come on," He pats the small space next to him on the couch. "Doubt' you've had any good entertainment for a while… I know I haven't." The way he speaks sends a shive down your spine, the look in his eye nothing short of predatory. That's when it really clicks in your head that this man, Simon, isn't a good man. He didn't take you in because kindness blooms from his heart, he took you in because you're his prey, his pet.
You stare at him for a moment before shuffling over to the couch and plopping down into the stiff cushions. He makes a pleased sound at your obedience and it both fills you with butterflies and maggots, you feel disgusted at yourself for enjoying the scrap of praise he provides. You barely even know this man but every instinct in you is telling you to please him, to let him do what he wants to you, and in turn you get taken care of.
Or maybe, you'll only ensnare yourself more.
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Simon isn't sure how he's meant to take care of a stray like you. You're skittish, you jump at his voice and tense at his touch, it makes him grind his teeth together, struggling to resist the urge to sink his teeth into your soft skin until you submit. He doesn't want to scare, for once in his life he wants something soft to call his own, but the first step to caging a bird and clipping it's wings is getting it to trust you and he's truly lost on how to do that.
Logically, he know it will take time, but this is one of the rare moments he's not sure he has the strength in him to be patient. He knows he has to be, you're scared and playing the game of survival, pushing you too fast will only frighten you but it's hard for him to stray from his ways. Seldom can you teach an old dog new tricks.
Perhaps he needs help, someone who knows what scared little strays need to feel loved and safe. Simon has already bought you food, he really thought a clueless kitten like you would be cuddled up to him by now. He understands though, and one day you will too. He decides to ask Johnny, something he'd normally avoid doing but he's got a knack for taming strays.
Afterall he tamed Simon.
Once you've been bathed and fed he sent you off to sleep, ushering you into his tiny bedroom, gray bedsheets still tucked under the mattress. He thought it was cute that you felt guilty for taking the bed, and he had to assure you many times that it was alright and he'd be fine, though your pouty lip was quite the (unintentional) invitation to share the bed. When he was sure you were tucked in for the night he slipped out onto his balcony to call Johnny.
"Johnny." Simon could hear his own voice crackle through Johnny's side of the line.
"Lt! Callin me so late at night aye? M' I your booty call sir?" He could hear Soap chuckle on the other end of the line and he let out an exasperated sigh at that.
"Need your help Johnny." He can hear the Scotsman shift around a bit and he stifles a snort at the image of Johnny sitting up right in his chair over this.
"Aye, of course Ghost." Simon huffs out through his nose, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment.
"How d'ya take care of a stray?"
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Things have gotten better with Simon. He's still grumpy and stoic, and truthfully he treats you more like a pet than a person, but (not so) secretly you think you like it. At first you were worried he'd take advantage of your vulnerability but he never really did, you always did what he said and that kept Simon satisfied. On the rare occasion you messed something up or didn't do what he asked of you, he make a point not to yell at you, instead he'd squeeze you tight and lowly tell you to 'quit your cryin'.'
You would both make a point to ignore the shivers it sent down your spine.
Perhaps your unorthodox relationship with Simon wasn't the healthiest, you were entirely dependent on him and you both liked it that way. Simon made sure you knew you had freedom, he gave you many opportunities to take advantage of it but you never did and you think that was his plan all along. You were already broken, all he had to do was build you back up, shape you exactly the way he wanted, and then you'd never run.
Not that you think you'd want to either way.
He wasn't mean, or cruel, just a bit twisted and lonely. He never hurt you, or treated you unfairly, you were his bird, and he made sure you knew that.
As the months transpired you find that you've grown grossly infatuated with him. He took you in, nursed you back to health, gave you all the attention and love that you needed to blossom and now you're completely his. Simon had his issues, you had yours, but somehow they mesh together in a way that creates a peace rather than chaos. It was a mundane, domestic life that both of you were content with.
Perhaps if you were still the old you, you'd hate him more than anything, but you now understand broken people more intimately than anyone would ever want to, and somehow it's been the greatest gift life has handed to you. When Simon holds you close, squeezes you tight, and tells you how much you're his, you find it hard to do anything besides melt into him, to feel anything besides adoration.
You were two broken people that somehow made a whole, and you were lucky you did. It could've been so much worse, things could have been so much harder, but he saved you, and though he'd never say it out loud, you saved him too.
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AHHH! I'm so freaking sorry for my absence, 12th grade is the year of dealing with many things so I've been super busy with it all! I wrote bits and pieces of this during my free time so it might not be entirely cohesive but I pray its good enough! Love and miss you all dearly <3 take care of yourself MWAH!!
as always likes and reblogs are appreciated <3
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spiral-writing-stuff · 1 year ago
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hi hi! i saw ur requests were open? (sorry if theyre closed)
Can i request a Akutagawa x gender neutral teen reader? (Platonic ofcou) basically reader looks up to Akutagawa and sees him as a older brother figure and akutagawa sees them as a younger sibling :3 can it be angst also? like where one of them is badly hurt and the other is crying and all that jazz
pls and thank you <3
authors note: Don’t worry! If my bio says requests are open then they are! I just take a while to write because there’s a lot of stuff going on in my life, so I’m really sorry this took so long! Im thinking of splitting this into 2-3 parts because I’m still thinking of how to write the rest of the story, I have the plot already in my head but I just need to put it into words. This request is sooo cute big brother akutagawa is just such a great concept:,) Also so sorry if the angst isn’t good lol I’m not very good at writing creative sad stuff! (Please give me feedback!😭) also sorry if it’s too angsty i think I went a little overboard again. I might edit this story later.
Sorry this took so long!
I also couldn’t decide if reader is older or younger than Gin so you guys decide.
I Hope it’s what you wanted!!<3
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On a Silver Night
Content/Warnings: angst, gore, blood/injury, abuse/child abuse, death, Dazai being a bastard, lmk if I missed anything
For as long as you can remember, Ryūnosuke was always protecting you and gin, as if you two are the thing he lives for. which you both are at this point He has always tried his hardest to defend you, gin, and the other children from thieves and abusive adults, he didn’t do it to be righteous, nor did he do it to feel better about himself, he just did. At least, that’s what you thought, it was hard deciphering his intent because everything he did, he did with the same, emotionless stare. People would always mention this fact. Even when he was killing, stealing, or when you found some food or someone told a joke, he always had the same blank expression. You thought it was funny sometimes though he never once showed any emotion, that didn’t matter to you, his actions spoke clearer than any words could.
Like when he would sometimes hug you and gin to keep you warm during cold nights, when he found food he would share it with the two of you first. And if anyone dared to threaten or try to hurt any of you they would be dead in an instant by Rashōmon’s sharp fangs. Yes, his facial expressions didn’t matter, he was trying his hardest to keep you and Gin from experiencing the harsh cruelty of the word, but he was still just a boy himself. There wasn’t much a malnourished and frail child could do, yet he persisted, despite how many times he’d fallen. You looked up to him and had a deep respect for him because of this.
Even though it was a horrible situation all of you were living in, you were happy just to be with your older brother, sister and the other children. Among all the other children, You, Gin and Ryūnosuke were the ones you were closest to.
Until that fateful day, when a group of criminals murdered all the other children in cold blood, leaving You and Gin injured, and Ryūnosuke thirsty for blood.
~ ~ ~
Gin had helped Akutagawa escape but you three got separated amidst the chaos and confusion, you held Gin’s hand tightly as you two ran and ran until you two were exhausted, collapsing onto the damp, cold ground. The air was foggy and cold, the night dark while the moon illuminated your surroundings with a silver light. After a few minutes of struggling to catch your breath you got up from the dirty ground and remembered only Gin was with you, Ryūnosuke had ran off in search of the criminals who killed your friends. Fear and panic shot through your body, terrified that Ryū was going to get himself killed.
“G-gin! W-we have to find Ryū!” You said to Gin in a rushed shaky voice. She swiftly nodded.
You two began running, this time slower due to how tired you both were. You were heading in the direction of where the shipment was said to be taking place.
“Gin! I think we’re almost there—“ you stopped when you saw a tall man walking in your direction with a shorter person. The shorter person had a black coat draped over his shoulders, the man seemed to be waking directly to you now, a smile on his face.
“Be careful Gin.. s-stand behind me..” you got in front of Gin just in case, until you realized the shorter person was Ryūnosuke, his eyes were slightly puffy and tearful, he had been crying. your heart dropping at the sight. Immediately you throw yourself at Ryū pulling him away from the mysterious man
“Just who are you and what are you doing with my big brother?!” You frantically yell at the man, hiding Ryū and Gin behind you
The man glares at you with boredom in his face, as if this was all nothing to him, but then he started to smirk slightly “Brother? Oh, I knew Akutagawa had a sister but I didn’t know he had another sibling. What’s your name?” He said with a mischievous face, He reached out his hand to seemingly pat your head but you smacked it away immediately, surprising him a bit “you didn’t answer my question-“ you felt a hand on your shoulder and turned around “Y/n…cough it’s okay..you don’t have to worry..” Ryū weakly said to you. Your heart ached at the sight of his bloodied and bruised face, looking down you can see he has bloody scratches on his knees, arms and legs, his entire body was hurt.
“Hm? Oh, right! Sorry about that! Where are my manners?” He said rather loudly “My name is Dazai Osamu, I just got promoted to a Mafia Executive today, Which means, I now have the authority to do certain things. like taking anyone as my subordinate, and your brother here has accepted my offer.” Dazai said soft-spoken yet somehow overbearing with a kind smile that didn’t reach his eyes. You were confused by the man’s statement, many thoughts ran through your mind;
“Would Ryūnosuke really agree to join the mafia? Especially join through this guy? How would we be guaranteed safety? What if this is just a trap to exploit Ryū’s ability? What if he kills us?”
You were pulled out of your thoughts by a dangerous, slightly condescending soft voice “you don’t have to worry, if i wanted you dead, I would have done so the second I laid eyes on you.” He said to you, it’s as if he read your mind. He was staring into your eyes as you stared back, his eyes void of any emotion, much like your brother’s, except you found a deep cruelness to them, it terrified you.
“Well, it was just gonna be Akutagawa here and his sister, but I can make arrangements, just for you.” His eyes went back to a neutral state “I promise,” he puts his hand on his chest “that the three of you will be fed, clothed, housed and compensated accordingly, as long as you work under me, no one else in the mafia will dare harm you.” Dazai reached his hand out to you, a sweet smile on his face
“so Y/n, do we have a deal?”
~ ~ ~
To be continued.
Notes: it is 5am as I write this, can you believe I’ve been writing and tweaking this since April 7th??!? And this isn’t even that long. What ADHD does to a mf
Honestly I’m not sure if I should continue this, obviously if more people wanna read it than yeah since I have the story already in my head, just need the motivation. So comment and tell me that you want more!!!
Anyways hope y’all enjoyed. Stay hydrated!
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topguncortez · 6 months ago
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Hello, sorry to be a bother I hope everything is going well with your graduation 💗💗
I just wanted to ask if you have any tips and/or thoughts for those starting out posting their fics and ect on tumblr
i meant to answer this the other day but things came up and i pushed it to the back burner.
anyway! my tips and tricks on getting involved in fandom writing (and it doesn’t just have to be this one. this goes for ALL fandoms)
1. use tags
tags are very helpful with organizing and getting your work out there. not only can people follow certain tags, but it’s also easier to search and find a certain fic. for example, if i wanted to read nico hischier fics im going to search “nico hischier imagines” i use the same 10-15 tags on all of my posts.
now ☝️ here’s one thing that butters my biscuit about tags, is when people misuse them. do not tag a fic about jake seresin with “bradley bradshaw imagine”.
2. headers & titles & synopsis
titles are hard. i’m pretty sure i have three fics all titled the same thing. however, titles are attention grabbers. titles are gonna make people want to stop and read your fic. my go to advice for titles, is find a song you like and use that. or maybe a line of dialogue. or in the TGM fandom, your characters callsign
headers also grab people’s attention. i almost always use a header image unless im writing a blurb or a one shot from an ask. pinterest is a great lovely tool that you can find amazing pictures to use as headers. and canva is a great free tool that’ll help you edit.
synopsis: also attention grabbers. a proper synopsis will give people a glimpse at what’s ahead. it can be as simple as “in this fic, jake is an asshole”
3. warnings
this is a big one. especially if you’re wanting to write smut or angst. yes, people are responsible for the media they consume, however it is the writers job to warn them about what they are going to consume.
i normally write “warnings: a…b…c…” in my angst and smut fics. however, if i’m writing about darker angst/realistic topics such as SA, abuse, gun violence, etc, i will put a “trigger warning” (tw) tag in my tags.
i can not stress this point enough. like i said, the reader is responsible for what they choose to read. but your duty as a writer is to make sure your warnings and tags are very, very clear. it does not matter if your warnings “give too much of the plot away”. that means your plot is probably very triggering for people and you need to tell them that.
be very clear with your warnings. crystal. clear.
4. the use of read more
please use the “read more” option when writing long pieces. the fandom will love you if you do.
5. reblog your work, reblog others work… build a network
reblogs are so so important especially on this app. tumblr is not tiktok. there’s no algorithm for what shows up first on your dash. the way to keep your fic and others fics alive is by REBLOGGING
also, reblogging of other peoples fics is what draws attention to your blog. and it’s how you start to create friendship networks.
i met most of my friends by reblogging their work or sneaking into their dms.
writers support writers around here.
6. make your blog personable.
no one likes a blank inpersonable blog. not saying you need to put your face as the icon. but make it look like you’re not just a bot blog.
find a cute color scheme and some headers. make it unique. make it you!
7. do not be afraid to tag people
some people (including myself once) are afraid to tag the “big blogs” (which i find to be a stupid term. no one here is a “big blog”, sit down charlie d’melio) but tagging people again is what catches peoples attention.
do not be afraid to tag some of your favorite writers and be like “hey i’m new look at this”
8. utilize online resources for writing help
there’s so many free writing resources out there! i’m seeing more and more show up on my instagram feed, tiktok, youtube. they are great apps that’ll help you get started!
i know this was a lot but if you have ANY questions or need someone to look over your fics, you can reach out to me!
i hope this helps:)
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bunnakit · 11 months ago
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last twilight e3 thoughts feelings etc
so in the past ive watched the episodes and digested them and come back and rewatched to put together my thoughts but im kinda crunched for time today and have a mountain of work to do sooo i'm just gonna do this in one sitting and i'm so sorry if it's not as good or as coherent as what i usually deliver aaa. it's also going to be a bit longer than normal probably but i'll try to cut down on stuff that seems unnecessary or maybe just too obvious to comment on.
OH ITS STILL REALLY LONG EVEN WITH EDITING I'M SO SORRY.
oh them being playful with each other is everything to me. oh my god and Mhok learned, he listened to Porjai and he learned to organize and clean and do things with Day as an active participant so he knows where everything is and is taking control of his own life. oh we're only 3 minutes in and i'm emotional, okay.
i do love that we get to see the way Day has isolated himself and that while his family haven't helped there's also a large part of it that is his doing. ive said it before but when you're newly disabled it can be so so easy to isolate yourself. hell, i've been diagnosed for almost 10 years and i still do it from time to time as my condition worsens because it's hard. there are so many questions you have to answer, there's the anxiety of not knowing if people are going to be accommodating to your needs, and sometimes it takes twice or even three times the energy it used to take before because every action is a little harder now. it can be terrifying to put yourself out there again and you will lose friends in the process. there will be people that don't understand, that find you to be an inconvenience, that won't make accommodations for you, and it will hurt every time but saying goodbye to those people is always ultimately for the better - but it doesn't make it hurt less. as much as i'd love the realism of it, i hope we don't have to see Day go through that.
Day's story about his friend is interesting, too. he says he doesn't want to be pitied by his friends but the thing is. they just did that, they accommodated their friend, and from the sound of it they did it without judgement. so why couldn't it be the same for him? it just shows more of his anxiety and his fear.
"i felt like my life was worthless. all i saw in people's eyes was insult."
screaming. crying. throwing up. i don't need to say anything about this but i thought you all should know it made me ill.
"once i'm ready you'll be the first to get my invitation card." Porjai and Mhok's friendship means so so fucking much to me.
here's the thing, my best friend and i dated in high school, we were 16 and fucking stupid and toxic and our home lives were shit and we took it out on each other and we made each other fucking miserable by the end of things. we didn't talk again for over five years. it took time to come back together, to heal and accept our own faults in what went wrong. we stumbled here and there as we came back together but now? almost 10 years later i don't know what i'd do without him. that's my platonic soulmate, that's the one person besides my husband i can share anything with. fuck, he knows more about my life than my husband does because he was there to see me at my worst, at the scariest point in my life where i almost wasn't around anymore to see tomorrow. that kind of friendship is so fucking special, i cannot even properly put it into words, and for Mhok to keep that? to have that with Porjai? i'm so fucking glad he has that. i'm so glad he got to keep his platonic soulmate.
small aside, i love that Mhok consistently announces himself to Day. it's a little action but it's so considerate. he's honestly doing such an incredible job.
Day puts his sunglasses on like armor; like they can shield him from the judging stares or looks of pity he can't see. maybe someday he won't need them, not because his heart has hardened to take the blows, but maybe because he knows Mhok is by his side. because remember - it's the way they look at us.
"i heard you wanted to take time off and focus on badminton" Night i'm going to drown you in your own toilet. this is just furthering my thoughts from episode 2 that Night is ashamed of his brother and his condition, or perhaps that the family is trying to hide his condition for some fucking stupid reason.
the bravery it took Day to come here and admit whats happening to his is huge, but i'm also in love with the admissions admin saying sure, you can have time off, but you're not allowed to quit. you're not allowed to give up on yourself.
"we must live with hope, Day" and that's it. you have to. you just have to. every day is going to be so hard and so much, you'll have good and bad days, but at least in all those days you'll have hope. and maybe someday that hope won't be for new eyes. maybe that hope will turn into acceptance, into determination, into pride at what you've accomplished in spite of it all. in my opinion, hope is an amazing fuel but it's not sustainable, it's just a vehicle to get you to where you need to be.
Mhok asking a blind man for a tour, oh fuck fuck fuckfuckufkcufk-- Mhok essentially saying show me your world exactly as you remember it, let me in. see how things have changed and how they've remained the same and do it with me by your side.
THE WAY MHOK SHIELDS HIM AT THE LIBRARY. DAY DOESN'T NEED TO WEAR HIS SUNGLASSES LIKE ARMOR BECAUSE MHOK IS BY HIS SIDE AS HIS SHIELD. chewing my own arm off brb.
"and you also have me. nothing to be afraid of" because i will always shield you, i will always protect you, i will stand by your side AAAA--
on part 3/4 now, i promise i'll shut the fuck up soon. if you've read this far pls take this as a smooch checkpoint, i'm giving you a little forehead smooch. have you had any water today? taken your meds? relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw.
ok back to it - Mhok continuously having Day make his own selections in these various machines. Day's fate is in his hands, he can do these things himself, but Mhok will be there with him the whole way.
"my eyes don't work well but my legs do just fine." this is such a massive leap from the man that wouldn't even leave his bedroom, from the man that was suffocating in his environment. Day is no longer a dying man, a shambling corpse. he is an active participant in his own life again.
"stay close to me, that's all i need" bitch i'm gonna throw up, you can't just hit me with that after that's all i've been saying this whole time what the fuck.
OH FUCK ME. okay. alright. hang on. so when they enter the shop Mhok describes it to Day, explains where the jeans are, where the shirts are, asks him what to do and what he wants to take a look at. this is a direct antithesis of Night in episode 1 asking where Day was going to wait for him, where he could leave him so he could get his shit done. Day isn't being asked to wait, to just sit idle while life passes him by, he's being asked what he wants to do, where he wants to go, what he wants to see. FUUUUUCK. and knowing Mhok is doing this because Day expressed that he liked dressing nicely? how the fuck am i supposed to just go to my job like a normal person after this episode.
wow the shirt buttoning scene just made me so mentally ill. right now, Mhok is doing his job. he's helping Day get dressed. but someday? someday this could be Mhok dressing Day not because he needs him to help but simply because Mhok likes doing to for Day. there's the sensuality of caring for your partner, of running your hands over the planes of their shoulders, of skimming your fingers down their chest to pluck every button. it's an exploration and a declaration of love. if we get this again in a future scene and it's something like that please remember me fondly because i will perish.
at the bookstore Mhok recognizing Day doesn't want to wait, but Day has become so accustomed to the other people in his life telling him what to do that he falls back into that behavior - but Mhok doesn't let him. he prioritizes Day's needs and desires, even if it's something as little as finding a book, without being asked.
THE LAST PAGE IS MISSING.
(because one can't see his future and the other can't see in the future, but also because they'll make their own ending, they'll face that when they get there, but they'll do it together -- what if i lost my shit completely of it?)
when Mhok leaves Day to get him a drink the camera is focused on Day and the clear warring emotions on his face but if you look in the background Mhok hesitates, he stops and turns a few times to look at day. he's reluctant to leave him and worried. Mhok worries so much but it's always so understated or in the background, covered by the emotions of others he values above himself. (or overlooked because of 'what type of person he is')
while its anxiety inducing i do enjoy this regression of behavior because adapting to a new life is hard. you will regress, you will stumble, you will fall into old habits or sometimes old fears will return. its what you do after that that is important. the one thing i hope doesn't happen is i hope this doesn't cause a rift with Porjai. i think Mhok needs her right now, maybe not forever, but definitely right now.
HE PUT ON THE FUCKING SHIRT. THE FUCKING SHIRT DAY COULD SEE FROM MARS. OH MY GOD. i know this doesn't need to be commented on, i know it's obvious, but FUUUUCK.
Day's mom trying to weaponize Mhok's past and Mhok taking the ammunition from her hands and telling Day himself. the acceptance of the past and the determination to move on and grow from it. Day's refusal to let the past repeat itself with a new caretaker. whoo boy.
and again Day wants to see Mhok, because even bruised and battered Mhok is worth seeing.
if the last episode ends with "sweet dreams/good night" i will be burying myself alive, thanks.
THE PINK SHIRT RUINING HIS BAD BOY IMAGE BECAUSE IT IS BEING RUINED. HE'S MOVING ON, HE'S GROWING, HE'S BECOMING A NEW PERSON. FUCK OFF.
i'm so so sorry this was so long, every episode makes me feel more and more things and makes me analyze shit more and more.
tagging @benkaaoi and @callipigio as requested (if you want to be added to my last twilight meta tag list just let me know!)
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callilemon · 7 months ago
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hi!
i hope it's not too weird to ask, but how do you keep connected/active in the vnc fandom/online so well?? i admire the way you interact with other artists and fans, how much love/creativity you always seem to put into your art, and the genuine enthusiasm i feel in all of your posts! i just,,,i don't understand how to be someone like that when i have nothing artistic to give, but part of me always wants to be as extroverted and fun as you are on here, if that makes sense? i give nothing so i receive nothing i suppose, but the internet's daunting to me lol
anyways, im sorry for rambling (and doubly sorry if my ask creeped you out at all) but i hope you're well!
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Hi! Thank you for the question!! I actually stay connected through social media. Specifically, these two!
(If I have an account somewhere, my handle is always @callilemon)
It really means so much to me that you think of me that way! I'm actually an introvert, (INFP-T) so it was really hard for me at first to interact online. I was terrified of it. But, when I actually did, the VnC Fandom was so welcoming! I really appreciate everyone I've met from this Fandom.
I'm a strong believer that everyone is artistic! You just need to find the "thing" that brings you joy and happiness! It can be anything, really, art, digital, or traditional. Writing, sewing, head canons, edits, anything! I'm positive someone will come across a post and really enjoy it! That's how I got started, at least!
Please never think you're creepy! I really love these asks! It's wild to me that others are actually interested in me and my thoughts!
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ofmdee · 3 months ago
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MAN i am so close to getting the next part of BU written, im like at the very end of the chapter but im having a hard time wrapping it up, i think because i Know that means then i have to do the pictures 😂
the chapter kinda started off as a freewriting thing, a pwp i wasn't planning on sharing, but then i realized it Could actually be a good filler chapter, and once that happened i was like oh i can't write anymore 😅
but i added a few plotty things, including a conversation i wanted ed and stede to have re: ed's transmogrification which i think is important, and ed giving stede a pearl he finds. he's bringing stede little trinkets like a kitty bringing gifts. mermaids are just big cats 2 me.
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and then stede starts calling ed his pearl, etc etc
i WANT TO want to write, i want to keep creating this fic, i love it so much, it's my passion project etc, but i am just having such a hard time with it lately! i am rly trying to follow this advice and be gentle w myself and not push it, but it's hard! i worry that by the time i Really feel like doing it again, anyone who was interested will have moved on. i compare myself to other ppl too often, and i feel like holy shit ive been working on this for over 2 years, i should have SO MUCH more to show for the amount of time i put into it 💀
and then ofc i always doubt myself, like this isn't good, ppl are just reading it because they are my friends/feel sorry for me, the sims stuff is Cringe and im so amateur and embarrassing and everything i do sucks!!!
but also ive been rereading the fic during downtime at work, just to try and get a feel for it again, and im like oh, this is actually NOT awful? and it's making me like hmmmmm maybe i WILL get back into this....... i really do love it. i love reading it. and that's so important, i think. i like what i create, even tho i am also convinced no one else will. idk when my self confidence fuckin TANKED man but i think so little of myself and i hate that! i wanna think im the shit. or at least okay.
anyway idk what im even talking abt anymore, lmfao, just. fic stuff!!! being obsessive abt stuff. fandom stuff! i'm thinking abt taking an edible later and then trying to churn out the rest of the chapter so i at least have the framework to edit but idk, i rly AM also trying not to force it. i have ts4 open still from making my new icon/header and im like hmmm i could load my photoshoot save and start working on the pics.... but idk.
i HAVE gotten really into diamond painting over the past month or so, tho, and i think having another hobby, one that isn't tied to the internet in general, is rly helping me balance some things a bit more. here are a few pics of things ive made:
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ive even ordered a custom ofmd kit, using one of ann's edits as the picture, im soooooo excited for it to arrive!!! ive been rly obsessive abt this since i started, but it's rly relaxing? it makes my mind go (white noise static sound) and rly helps me forget abt being anxious. but then i can also end up getting anxious about doing it Too Much, but that's a whole other can of worms re childhood trauma etc etc w/e
this turned into kinda a life update post lmfao, i just wanted to untangle some fic thoughts but it got away from me. oh well! idk thanks if u read this and thanks if u read my fic, i promise i haven't forgotten abt it 🧜‍♂️
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frenzyarts · 2 years ago
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Could you talk a bit about how you design your OCs from a visual level? I really love their designs. Only if you have the time and energy of course <3
Thank you so much omg 💕 I was trying to think of a good way to answer this question, but the truth is my methods are very nebulous and hard to define! I’ll do my best though 🥳
Some characters come to me very easily, some go through a few revisions, and some go through a meat grinder of revisions lol. Rune was easy, her design was just in my head right off the bat from years of drawing/thinking about demons. Yorick was a little different. Awhile back I played a ttrpg and designed this character:
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Look familiar? This is prototype Yorick!! (I have this on my portfolio at a higher res if you wanna zoom in or something idk) She was a character who was kind of elfin and was a clown who controlled shadows. When I started pinning down the stories and characters of A Slowly Beating Heart I KNEW I had to put a demonic clown in there, and I thought of this design.
A phase I go through when designing characters when im not sure how they’re gonna look is doing a bunch of iterations based on vibes. Here’s some of the earliest Yorick sketches I could find, you can see how they don’t quite look “right” yet:
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Like the vibes were there but that’s not our Yorick! Here’s what I think might be the first or second sketch I did where they look right:
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I used the old Yorick I had designed but finally modified the outfit and design in a way that pleased me. I went with this design, and went through some minor edits with the colors, and boom, the demon clown was born! (Though even in this image they aren’t quite right, in the final comic I got rid of the lines on their horns and saturated the green parts of their eyes):
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Melody is another story. Versions of Melody had also been living in my mind for almost as long as Rune, but never as a solid design. I have a zillion sketches of Melody that don’t look at all like how she looks now. It wasn’t until right before her appearance in the comic that I actually decided to refine her character design. Since I had never quite solidified how she looked in my mind, getting her on paper was quite the task. Her hairstyle was already on my mind, but I did a bunch of different versions of her halo and outfits. I put a bunch of designs together and sent them out to my friends to ask them to vote on their favorite outfit to help me decide 😂:
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In the end Melody’s outfit didn’t quite look like any of these, because they’re all somewhat complex, and I need things to stay really simple for comics. Once I had designed the outfit the struggle still wasn’t over, cause now I had to do colors. Here’s just a small sampling of the color pallets I went through:
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I guess if I was gonna break down my process into steps, it would be like this:
1. Sketch a bunch of ideas based on vibes
2. Choose my fav and then refine it further by tweaking the outfit/hair ect
3. Try out a lot of different colors and keep adjusting them until they look right
4. Give birth to my Art Child 💃✨🙌
I don’t always do all that, and some of the design processes for certain characters happen a little differently. But that’s basically it! Sorry this was super long, I hope it helped!!
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maiverie · 1 year ago
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hello <3 i finally started reading triage and i laughed too hard reading the first chap :'D i loved the chemistry jokes sm (im still finding a time to read the rest but unfortunately it's almost time for school again) you're actually my fav author here in blr !!! your writing is just so well-written and that might be an understatement bcs it's just so good ??? i think no simple words can explain how amazing of an author you are <3 like the way you deliver the words and how you let readers imagine the little scenarios you make like it's so cool <3
(sorry if this is too long but) i also came here to ask you for advice hehe. im kind of a newbie here in blr and im currently working on my upcoming series.. and im unsatisfied with my progress and found myself deleting my drafts (for abt two times already ??) and i want to know how to be more confident in my writings and how not to overthink too much yk ?? would really love to hear your thoughts on this. you're not only a good author but a good advisor too !!! thank u sm <33
hi lexine (nice to meet u !!), stopppp YOU ARE TOOOO nice thank you sooo much for taking the time out to write this??? 😭💖 firstly, thank you for reading triage and plsss nawt the bitchless chemistry jokes 😭 kidding I also giggled while writing those parts smh
and secondly, ur fav author??? STOP LYINGGG i consider that such a high honour so thank you so much 🥹💞 to have your support is one thing and to read such positive words is another, so again thank you for taking the time out of your day to leave this message because it just made my day :(
aaa please don't apologise because I love long asks the most, and yes ofc my asks are always open! I have a tendency to ramble so beware a long message is below the cut — nevertheless I really hope this helps! 🥹💞
I firstly just want to preface that I obviously do not know everything about writing and this is all truly just one opinion, so only take what resonates 🫶
I can only really speak from personal experience, but I think it's actually a really good thing that you're going back to your drafts, revising your writing, which may or may not include the process of deleting/restarting things. obviously it's a really gruelling experience to go through (bc there's nothing worse than deleting all ur hard work), but I think it's really admirable that you're thinking about your writing and putting in the effort to make it better with each draft !! personally, I am constantly writing and re-writing my drafts and as much as it literally HURTS MY SOUL to delete words/paragraphs/sometimes entire chapters, I genuinely enjoy this process — to me, that's what writing is kind of all about? I know to most people ff is really not that deep (they're not wrong, it doesn't have to be) but I think the fact you're practising deliberation, reflection and thought in your writing, word choice, characters, plot etc. etc. is really really amazing !!
personally, I would say the thing to keep in mind is that everything needs to be in moderation — I've had chapters that have literally taken me a fuckload of re-writes (I'm a big overthinker / slight perfectionist), and while I did initially enjoy the whole process of editing / re-writing / discovering how to change certain scenes etc, it was really really mentally draining and I ended up losing passion for the story in the end. just be careful that this might happen to you? to avoid this, maybe every time you've reached a block (where no matter how much you re-write something, you always seem to hate how it turns out) you should try find a different source of inspiration — whether that means thinking about your story/characters with a different song playing, or moving wherever you tend to write, or having someone brainstorm ideas with you / beta-read your fic, or take a few days off !!
out of curiosity, what don't you like about your first drafts? is it the writing or the pacing or the characters? or is it something you can't quite put a finger on? let me know and we can try think about it together !!! im also the biggest overthinker when it comes to writing (💀) but what kind of comforts me and brings my feet back to the ground is reminding myself that 1) my fics are for MYSELF (i.e. you should be writing things you would want to read yourself, not what others might want to read - bc once you make it all about other people, that's when you really start to overthink) and 2) if im gna be fr, 90% of people on tumblr, especially enhablr, only really care about ff bc they want to read about their bias (if they wanted to read well-written literature, they would probably read a published book or smth yk). in saying that, it's totally okay for your fics to be imperfect (who cares! it's fanfiction!). I think just reminding yourself that ff is just a silly little thing u do in ur spare time (for which has 0 tie to your self-value) will keep you from overthinking things and raging when things get really hard !! when it comes to confidence, I think that comes gradually in small doses (the more you write, the more confident you become in your personal style / writing likes and dislikes), but maybe some ways to feel more confident is by getting a beta reader that you trust (and will give you effective advice — one that doesn't just shower you with compliments but can give you constructive criticism in a nice way), by reading other people's work (just to see if you're on the right track; if you read other people who have written similar tropes to you, it might make you feel less scared / in the dark bc you can see how they've executed it), or by changing the font on your google doc(?) to try reset your brain and re-read your work with fresh eyes.
I hope hope hope this helped in some way, please don't hesitate to reach out again if anything needs clarification or if I didn't quite answer your question (I'm sorry if I didn't 😭) !! <333 you're welcome anytime around here hehe so best of luck with ur series AND WELCOME TO BLRRRR <3333 it sounds like you're on the right track w ur writing if you're being conscious of all these things so I wouldn't fret at all!!! <33
if it helps, I've written other writing tips here, here and here! 🫶
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ps1demodisk · 8 months ago
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Changing our username to escape the consequences of our actions, are we? You managed to get a whole server shut down because of your manipulative bullshit. I hope the people you hurt can find some comfort in the fact that you will die alone. Especially if you keep treating people like this.
You can’t even clearly explain what the people you went after did. No evidence, no screenshots, nothing. Just your lies and manipulation and petty bans thrown at anyone you don’t like.
At the very least, don’t be a coward. You owe many people a massive apology, although I don’t expect them to forgive you. God knows I certainly don’t.
Ok so I'm gonna try and take this seriously but I gotta be real "changing our username to escape the consequences of our actions, are we?" made me snort so hard coke came out my nose so I apologise for how shittily put together this is but god damn it's hard to get your thoughts in order when you're almost throwing up
Anyway maybe go ask the spy (because i know that's why it(i checked pronouns, its bio only lists it/its) followed, and i haven't blocked because im not trying to hide) who you sent to my main twitter account to verify this shit before you talk to me cause I told it "My profile is open, I only have hob blocked, I only changed my username because I felt disconnected from my old one. You don't need to worry about me trying to wiggle back in or whatever."
I never tried to hide, if I was trying to hide I'd have shut down all my accounts before changing my name, I don't want to hide. "You can't even clearly explain what the people you went after did. No evidence, no screenshots, nothing." Ok. I can't gather screenshots from servers I'm not in, I explained myself clearly as I could given the fact I still have not had anything explained to me outside of what one person told me and you guys for some reason don't care about that part of any of it so it doesn't help me address shit. The Doc I posted on my old nsfw is the best I could do with the lack of information. My only regret is that I remembered extra details too late to edit them into the doc.
You and the rest of them are essentially a group of highschool children, that's how you're acting. You whisper behind your hands to each other and claim to want to protect people from the big scary evil master manipulator [Kalista] but when someone asks you what I did you act like nothing happened unless it's someone you think will fall for your shit. I do not believe there's substance 99% of whatever you guys have against me that could justify the reaction on that fact alone. Not to mention how STILL, screenshots are shared of me having flashbacks to being RAPED, and you treat it like evidence I'm the devil.
When you guys want to be civil and at the very fucking least stop wishing death on me and sharing that screenshot (and again Hobqueer is fully aware i was having flashbacks, I told him the day after in DMs when he pretended like he cared) then you can come talk to me about how evil I am.
"Don't be a coward" go fuck yourself, Peachy. The call is coming from inside the house and you fucking know it. I know that's you. Don't tell me to stop hiding when you didn't even have the balls to send it off anon, probably cause you know "I hope the people you hurt can at least find some comfort in the fact you will die alone" isn't a good look.
Seethe, for all I care. Rot in your hatred, I welcome it. I don't see myself as a victim, sorry if that fucks up the narrative you constructed for yourself or others.
I have no desire to be in contact with any of you besides maybe two people who defo hate me but at least didn't say some unhinged top-of-bible-studies-class level shit, so like... you can "let go of hatred" now like you wanted to before. You don't have to waste your energy thinking up ways to make me feel bad, because it doesn't work anymore.
Should've tried this two days ago then maybe you'd have gotten more than a half-thought-out bait response.
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odinsblog · 1 year ago
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i usually use the anon function bc im embarrassed to ask people things sjfjfjhs but I've never sent anything horrible to anyone!! I'm sorry you've had negative experiences with the anon function before, you don't deserve that at all!! sending love!
[re: this post]
Thank you. I genuinely appreciate you rn
People like you are literally the only reason why I don’t completely disable the anon feature, because I understand that sometimes people are shy, or they want to express themselves without taking shit. I actually dO get that
But alas, as with everything, there are those who abuse what really should be thought of as a nicety, or privilege—some people just abuse it
Very long rant, incoming
So here’s the thing, right? Sometimes when people are online, they act and behave in ways they wouldn’t dare to irl
I’m not the government. I don’t have a staff to edit my posts. I’m not anybody special. I’m just some dude on the internet who enjoys sharing my opinions and other things. If YOU don’t like or agree with my opinions or something else that I post, you are completely free to keep scrolling or to block me. That’s fine. But when anons begin demanding that I phrase things the way that they’re more comfortable with, then we got serious issues
And another thing: people need to not be so quick to assume malicious intent where none exists
For example, I have accidentally typed the number 500 in a post when I meant to type 50–now, in the specific post, it truly was a significant error. But an anon immediately jumped into the comments and self righteously accused me of lying to make a point, rather than saying to themselves, “Hm, maybe Odin just made a typo”
And my personal favorites
them: YOU’RE SPREADING MISINFORMATION AND DISINFORMATION !!!!
me: um, it was a fucking joke? do they have jokes where you come from?
Or,
me: posts a video of an alligator and some cranes, and adds a bit of whimsical commentary
them: WELL ACTUALLY, THAT IS PROBABLY PREDATORY BEHAVIOR AND I THINK YOU SHO-
me: no. goddamn, I can’t be fucking whimsical on a social media site? eat shit. stfu
And also,
them: well technically, it’s not really fascism
me: maybe not, but it’s fucking close enough. I’m not gonna wait for people to start getting marched into ovens and say, “now can we call it fascism??”
I have literally had all of these dumb, stupid ass conversations (almost verbatim) here on tumblrdotcom, and lemme tell ya, it’s frustrating af
And other times, when I author a post containing a hyperlink on desktop but then later edit it on mobile, sometimes the hyperlink doesn’t carry over to mobile and you’re left with a post that may say “source,” but is not clickable. It happens sometimes, and it’s not a big deal, right?? WRONG! Instead of sending an ask to ask me what happened to the link, I’ve had anons accuse me of “not crediting” a source
I’ve had people use anon to accuse me of cropping videos so that I could somehow “steal” credit from others, and I’m just like … What??? Who does that? Who has the time for all of that? Are you aware that sometimes people on the internet see something like a video or a photo from somewhere else (also uncredited from twitter, reddit, facebook, etc), and then just post it here on tumblr??
And no, I am not talking about reposting someone’s art or other works
Look, if YOU get your thrills from finding out who/where/when the very first instance of every single cat or dog video came from, that’s great! Do you. Knock yourself out. Have fun. But don’t try to shame others because we aren’t all humorless poindexters like you
If I post something from tiktok, the video generally tells you where to go to see it there. If it’s a tweet or from reddit, again, there are usually twitter or reddit handles in the tweet. And NO, I am not putting a link to every single tweet or reddit thread or facebook post — if that’s that important to you, then figure it out. It’s not hard, and in the year 2023 most adults should have the necessary skills to find an original tweet, if that’s something that’s important to you. I’m not doing it for you, not sorry
(SN: I’ll never forget when I took my first college English literature course, and at the end of the semester I was on the bubble for getting an A or an A+ in the class, and our final exam was a written essay that would decide my final grade. I didn’t quite score the A+ that I wanted, and when I looked over my essay, the professor wrote on it: “Odin, you are the quintessential college freshman, and your inquisitiveness has made this semester one of my most enjoyable.” And after class, I walked up to him and thanked him, and asked him what quintessential meant? He opened his mouth and was about to answer me, but then he smiled, wagged his finger at me and said, “you should learn to look things up.” He was one of my favorite professors (had a British accent, eyeglasses and reminded me of Giles from Buffy), but I’ve never forgotten that lesson. Some of you very obviously need to learn it too)
I’ve also made what are very obviously jokes online, only to have people accuse me of misrepresenting facts—and then I’m like, do I really need to explain the concept of what a joke is to you people??
Like, I could see if it was something racist, trans/homophobic, Islamophobic, antisemitic, etc, BUT I DON’T DO THAT
I think that some people need to be seen as, or have a desire to be known as a gatekeeper, and instead of using just a tiny bit of common sense, they try to make mountains out of molehills to elevate themselves in the eyes of their followers
The people who act this way are truly joyless human beings, and they probably suck all the fun out of parties and other events that people are forced to spend time with them
Maybe try socializing a bit more? Learn to read (online) cues. Don’t be so eager to accuse everyone of doing something wrong just so that YOU get to look like the good guy
And all of that’s without even addressing all of the straight up racist anons that I constantly receive
Like, do people even understand that we aren’t inside of each other’s heads? Sometimes we’re all dealing with life and other stuff. And just maybe people are busy trying to have just a tiny bit of fun, and then the mf fun police come along and try to ruin shit? Because I don’t use a word exactly the same way you do?? Or because of an obvious joke?? You guys who do this kind of shit really SUCK
I feel sorry for you
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I almost can’t believe this is the piddling little shit that some people choose to be upset over
Please find some REAL things to be upset over
Try learning to use the feature that lets users (gasp) make a post of their very own! instead of fixating on one goddamn mutha fucking post that wasn’t worded to your liking
I am not here for the discourse with anyone with an internet connection and a keyboard
Please go touch some grass
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valleynix · 2 years ago
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I listened to all the audios AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH
My brain is braining with so many ideas rn, anyways here is my input on them
reader/lunatic needs some therapy fr- CALL DANIELA
OMG I NEED A SCENE WHERE READER AND LUNATIC ARE ACTUALLY WORKING TOGETHER BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE INSANE- you thought one mutated bird was hard to beat HOW ABOUT TWO
OMGGGGG I love this song sm, and plus I also thought about readers beginning dynamic with this song, IT JUST FITS SO WELL
BACKSTABBER- I’m scared… I need this story to be canon rn, with full 4K 1080p 3d mocap animations
Chp 1-7 WAS A ROLLERCOASTER OF EMOTIONS (I love it so much), at first I was a bit confused but when I reread the story with context EVERYTHING WAS SO COOL AND MADE SENSE AND OMGGJSJDBAJBSKANSKSNS$:@/$;&/& I LOVE UR WRITINGGGGG!!!! man I’m about draw you scenarios just so you can edit them
THISSSS AUDIOOOOOOOOO NGL the distortion of the voice in the audio is what I imagine lunatic’s voice is like (not the voice itself just the distortion
Reader beating the shit out of Miranda for everything she did to them is not a want.. ITS A NEED
AAA my heart 😰😰😰 I’m imagining Daniela trying to bring reader back from a frenzy but reader is just trying to tell her to kill them so she can be safe 😭😭
Ethan: finally!! They’re down! Lunatic: Ethan:….. shit NAH BUT READER/LUNATIC IN RE8 WOULD BE INSANE, an elden ring boss healthbar appears at the bottom-
THIS WITH READER TRYING TO GO BACK IN TIME WHILE THINKING OF THE DIMITRESCUS BDJAJSJA I’m dying rn
Cassandra and reader dancing in the village…. CASSANDRA AND READER DANCING IN THE VILLAGE
Below the surface fits them so well I love that song so much
STOP IM GONNA CRY- Cassandra will never live that down if she killed them. Her first love killed by her hands 😭😭😭😭
Reader just raging in their memories trying to find a way to go back
IT DOES OKAY IT FITS THEM SO MUCH
okay I’m crying now AAAAAAAAAA Daniela would put new rocks she found in their grave (if they even have one), and tell them about the new flowers she planted while crying 😭😭😭😭
ANYWAYS KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK
IM SO SORRY, I ONLY JUST GOT BACK FROM WORK BUT HERE WE GO
now imagine Daniela just sits them both down and is like, "you two work on your problems or i'm not giving either of you rocks for a week" (their problems are solved in record speed)
i'm really thinking about writing that little AU thing where Reader/Lunatic are actually like working together to take an intruder down LMAO (there's a boss in Dark Souls 3 that reminds me of them but i cannot remember the name:( )
THIS SONG IS LITERALLY SO GOOD, i so desperately want to edit them SO BAD to this song but they are only canon in my mind :'(
the way you read my mind... i would literally beg capcom to help me make some mocap animations just to make edits of them SKDJFHSDJKFHS
SKDJFHSKJF THAT WAS MY INTENTION!!! literally when i started out writing TPtM, i was trying to confuse you all but have it make sense if you were to go back and reread, AND IM SO GLAD I ACHEIVED THAT PLEASE (also i will literally fall in love with you if you draw scenarios oh my god-)
this distortion is what they're supposed to sound like!! like Reader's voice mixed with something a little more sinister, almost like the second voice is just slightly delayed
LISTEN SHE WILL GET WHATS COMING TO HER I PROMISE, i love my lil bioterrorist but she has gone way too far 😭
THATS EXACTLY HOW I IMAGINED IT, like she's just trying so hard to convince them how much she adores them and how she can help them, and Reader is just warning her to stay away or that they're a lost cause, that she should just take them out while she still can... :(
no because imagine Reader is just all bloody and on the floor, gasping for air, multiple bullet wounds in their body, and they're just kind of crawling back into the shadows. Ethan goes to finish the battle, only to see... multiple eyes amongst the shadows?? and why the fuck is there a darker than black shadow he can barely see??? and then that's when Lunatic probably steps over their body to protect them and goes absolutely apeshit
(also, Ethan would've never made it out alive if these two were in RE8 LMAO, like he could probably try reasoning with Reader, but the second he even thought of harming the Dimitrescus, he'd be taken out)
HEHEHE, i did have a much angstier thought for it but honestly them trying to go back through their memories works too-
PLEASEEEE MY HEART CANT TAKE IT, I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT THIS COULD FIT CASS/READER DANCING IN THE VILLAGE BUT NOW THAT IM IMAGINING IT??? OH MY GOD
below the surface is literally so good please, every time i hear it, i think of them
SHE WOULD NEVER FORGIVE HERSELF- she'd just be looking at the older sketches she's done of them, and eventually, there would come a time she can no longer draw them simply from memory, and it would probably be the only instance she breaks down ugly sobbing
FALL FAIR SUITE IS SUCH A GOOD RAGE SONG LOWKEY, like it really doesn't sound like one but my god-
IM SO GLAD YALL AGREE LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT
YALL HAVE GOT TO STOP MAKING ME CRY, THATS SUPPOSED TO BE MY JOB >:'( she'd literally be trying so hard to keep a smile on her face while tears are streaming down her cheeks, and she'd just talk to their grave (or wherever it was decided their "grave" would be, body or not) as if they were simply sitting next to her :(
OKAY IM GONNA GO LISTEN TO THE OTHER AUDIOS Y'ALL SENT IN, JUST KNOW I LOVE YOU AND APPRECIATE YOU AND GETTING ASKS ABOUT OTHER AUDIOS MADE ME ALMOST CRY <33333
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comfycalamity · 2 years ago
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I posted 898 times in 2022
That's 245 more posts than 2021!
33 posts created (4%)
865 posts reblogged (96%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@lochlot
^-^
okay you were actually on the list i was just embarrassed and had to delete the others
I tagged 780 of my posts in 2022
Only 13% of my posts had no tags
#fanart rb - 453 posts
#fave - 272 posts
#comfy queue - 203 posts
#doublefave - 114 posts
#bleoak rb - 36 posts
#liveblogging - 24 posts
#house rb - 16 posts
#reference - 15 posts
#toontown rb - 13 posts
Longest Tag: 137 characters
#but my first intro to dsmp rp blogs was in late september when yellogazellos posted edit of a benchtrio restaraunt arc and it went around
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
intro post
hiii ^-^ im comfy / alex
making a new pinned post to make a temporary about me and say im making my account more multifandom ! incorporating my other interests like house and toontown and stuff ^-^ ideally. anyway.
anyway umm hi im alex i use he/his/vil/vils, am gay and transmasc, autistic and borderline, and u can find more info on my carrd ^-^ sorry ill write a better about me post at a later time lmao. my carrd is more clear.
2 notes - Posted November 21, 2022
#4
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history repeats itself
2 notes - Posted February 16, 2022
#3
THE EVENT LASTS FOUR MORE FUCKING HOURS?
wtf
i hope i didnt read that right
4 notes - Posted February 9, 2022
#2
MY FRIEND MADE THIS SO OUT OF THE BLUE im losing it
for reference im comfy calamity / cwilbur come home
4 notes - Posted January 2, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
what the pogtopia traitor arc actually meant
[all names and events mentioned are in regards to the fictional characters and events on the DSMP. warning for talk of paranoia, specifically in regard to cWilbur]
i know its been well over a year, and the "arc" was only ten days, but i think this incident in Pogtopia has gone largely, well, discarded for what i think its intent was
for a brief refresh, im referring to a period of time, starting 10 days prior to the Pogtopia vs Manberg war, where it was revealed by Dream that there was a traitor amongst Pogtopia. there was big contention leading up to the reveal on who would end up being the traitor
and yeah, of course audiences loved playing the game of "who's going to be the traitor??" and theorizing and making fan content, but i think it served a deeper narrative purpose than that.
i think this event was meant to forcibly put the audience in Wilbur's perspective
its hard to ignore that this took place at a time deep in Wilburs paranoia. he didnt trust Tubbo, he didnt trust Techno, he didnt trust practically anyone. noteably, because he feared their betrayal. feared that they were secretly working against him. that anyone claiming to be on his side was actually lying to him.
and it's difficult to make an audience "get" these thought processes and understand the characters perspective, especially when told in a third-person perspective. it largely relies on individual experience, making it uncertain how it will land. thats where the traitor arc comes in.
the traitor arc functions to forcibly put the audience in his shoes. to have those same fears and doubts of whos secretly working against them. the perspective is no longer coming from the monologues of a known spiraling character, it is outlined as a certain threat the audience has to keep in mind.
even if audiences didn't "get" Wilburs thought process prior, the pogtopia traitor arc forces them to feel it, and that is its purpose
113 notes - Posted March 25, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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smolmoss · 3 years ago
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Introduction thingy!
hihi!! i go by Smol, Kirby, or Moss :) my pronouns are they/he or kit/purr! im really shy and have a hard time socializing so i might not post alot or use many words
heres my carrd! heres my commission carrd! discord servers where i save my emotes! (will update soon)
about my emotes!
i'll post emojis and do emote requests for fun sometimes!! (it may take me a while to get to requests/open requests, sorry abt that! it can be quite hard to find time and energy, since i have other things to do as well @w@"") what i will/wont do, and other info, under the 'keep reading' thingy!
-----
things i will do:
> nonverbal, semiverbal, mute, losing speech stuff
> neurodivergent things, such as stimming
> LGBTQIA+ and MOGAI things
> alterhuman, kin, nonhuman stuff
>age regression/little things
> anything related to my interests (u can see what those are in my carrd!)
>fictional characters (sometimes!)
-----
things i won't do
> anything nsfw
> anything homophobic, racist, and generally just mean
> or if i just dont wanna do the request or find it too hard to make into an emote
also!!!
> pls credit me when u use them, or at least dont pretend theyre yours!
> u can edit them, make emotes based off them, use them as a base, add them on moodboards, ect! but credit me as the base/inspo if u do!
>please Don't put any of my art into any AI art thing! No ai art, no nft, none of that stuff !!
> theyre created for discord, but u can use them in other places :> (rules for my non-emote art are more strict on crediting me, but mostly the same as emote rules for now!)
other stuff!
i mainly post emotes, but sometimes ill post non-emote art! non-emote art will most likely be of my interests, friends, and ocs :> or maybe ill do drawings similar to emotes but arent quite, like a hugging gif you can use to virtual hug someone, or something like that!
heres my reblog account! is not nessecary to look at or follow, just thought id offer if anyone would be interested :3
161 notes · View notes
chameleon-madrigal · 3 years ago
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XXII | Cuentos de Camilo
(Stories of Camilo)
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Title: The Proposal
Genre: Fluff
Pairings: Camilo x Fem!Reader
Warnings: Aged up, Modern AU (No Powers)
Summary: They say “Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.” And Camilo waited all these years just to propose and asked you to be his wife.
He/him pronouns for Camilo
She/her pronouns for Reader
Note: This has been in my drafts for ages so I decided to finish and I hope you love it! For those who I haven't posted their requests dont worry im still working on it, sorry im currentlt having a writer's block but I hope you like this on, enjoy <33
MASTERLISTER HERE!
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Camilo's POV
It has been 7 years when me and Y/N started dating. Being in a relationship is not that easy nor hard, it takes patience and time. I thought I know Y/N really well when I liked her, but when she became my girlfriend I got to know her very well. I can now tell what she likes and what she doesn't. Her moods? I had already settled with that, afterall Papa raised me well, especially when she has mood swings from her monthly period. But I still love her anyways.
Being together with her for how many years now, got me into a decision and choice that will have our life better. I'm going to propose to her. And with a precious princesa comes with a precious surprise. When I mean surprise it really should have put a lot of effort, Y/N is really fond of surprises, like REALLY!
My plan is to set up the house to an amazing place where the magic would happen. But yeah just gonna make this place so special for her. I already asked my primas and hermana to help me and gladly they helped me without me treating them in return. Both of our families already knew about this, the only thing left is just to set up the place.
"Camilo are the photos ready?" Isabela asked me once she entered my room while constantly leaving flower petals, that is from her hand, everywhere. I had a lot of our pictures that we will hang for later in the set up.
"Sí, Isa almost done in-" I didn't finish my sentence when she suddenly smack my head. Oww that hurts!?
"HEY!? WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!?" I said and she just rolled her eyes at me.
"You almost stepped into my cactuses!" She said and I just looked at him with an 'are-you-serious-look'
"Okayy, fine I'll be careful. Since your cactus are more important than your primo being stung by it" I said and glared at her while she is just chuckling as she just messed with my hair.
"Stop being so dramatic" She said and continued putting flowers and designs everywhere to make the place more pretty.
If I really don't owe something to Isabela, I swear I would have teased her about her plants and stuffs.
After I have arrange the photos, Isabela went downstairs and hang those in the garden. And now I need to make sure that all of my presents are still here. The presents were just a big human size chameleon stuffed toy (which I think maybe this is a lot bigger than her and ofcourse chameleon coz it represents me), a boquet of blue and pink flowers (she loves that color thats why), I also have a box that has a yellow bracelet with a butterfly pendant and a necklace that goes with a heart pendant. And most importantly chocolates! With the very very most important is the letter or poem that I made for her. And THE RING OFCOURSE. I hope she will love this stuffs.
Okay, so this is the very amazing plan that was made up by yours truly. First, I will invite her to come to the house to have some movie night and at the middle of the movie I will excuse myself and go to the garden at that time my own video will show up, so yeah I edited it to put in into the movie. After the video, ofcourse she will find me. While on her way to the garden, rose petals are scattered to the floor making her follow it to the garden. Once she arrived there (ofcourse I'm still hiding) she will notice the beautiful lights that is hanging on the garden, with our pictures in it. And some notes that has messages on it. After that I will come out with all those stuffs. And then EASYYY- I WILL PROPOSE.
I went downstairs to see how the place is getting ready.
"Woahh, this place is so nicee" I said with a smile on my face as soon as I saw the garden. I taste a little of the foods that Tía Julieta made and I almost finished it but Mirabel stopped me.
"Tía these foods are the best!" I said and while snapping my hands.
"Ofcourse it was made by my Mama and if you don't stop, I swear there would be nothing left" Mirabel said and put me away to the kitchen
I just muttered and stuck out my tongue to her and helped Isabela and Dolores scatter the rose petals from the ground.
Once we are finished, I told them to just stay here and do whatever they want but just be quiet, as her family are also here. I texted Y/N to come over here, luckily its just easy for her to say yes.
"Ahh look at you, Cariño. All grown up" My Mamí said and hugged me tight as she started to be emotional.
"Pepi, amor. You're gonna ruin his look. You are making your papa proud, Camilo" Mi papa said and did a thumbs up as I smiled.
"YOu ArE mAkInG yOuR PapA pRoUd" I immitate him trying to ease the serious tension as he just look at me in disbelief.
"I don't sound like that"
"i DoN'T SOuNd LIkE THAt" I said and he was about to smack me when Dolores interrupted.
"I think we should get going"
"We'll be waiting outside" Mamí said as they went to the garden.
Dolores just hugged me and nudged me without a warning as I gave her a confusing look but later on, change into a fond smile.
"Goodluck, hermanito" She said as Mariano gave me a thumbs up.
Antonio hugged me also before going outside as he gave me his chameleon stuffed animal.
"For the nerves" He said and I just chuckled.
Tía Julieta and Tío Agustin also gave me a goodluck before they went along.
"Aye, little minime I can see that your future is to be with her and I hope you will treasure that" My Tío Bruno went up to me and gave me a pat on my shoulder.
As I felt three people suddenly hugged me tight.
"It felt like yesterday, you are just our baby bro but look at you now!" Luisa said as tears filled up her eyes, getting proud of her primo.
"You two look perfect for each other, primo. I swear if you will hurt her, its cactuses for you" Isabela said as I scratched my head nervously. Hurting Y/N is like the death of me, ofcourse I wouldn't do that.
"My primo Camilo who wouldn't stop until he makes us smile today is now getting engaged and its a miracle someone lasted so long for you" Mirabel joked as Isabela jokingly agreed as I frown.
"Hey, that's a foul! Yellow Card!!"
"Kidding! But I am so proud of you, and I hope you're happy to spend another journey of your life with her" She said as they all hugged me again as I thanked them.
I looked at Abuela who was looking at me with a bright smile, as I went up to her to hug.
"My first little boy grandkid, I am so happy for you" She said as I waited for her to continue.
"You might be joking around all the time but I know you're serious for her. The miracle is not how happy your relationship is, the miracle is the both of you. You have each other and I hope you will treasure her, mi hijo" Abuela said as I wiped the tears in her eyes and smiled.
"I will Abuela, Gracias" I hugged Abuela feeling overwhelmed at the words she said, knowing I would always hear her scolding me for seconds always.
As he was left alone, Camilo waited for you at the door. While everyone was at the garden quietly sneaking or fooling around maybe. The garden is at the back of the house so when you will arrive you would not see the others at the front door.
I heard the door bell ring, so I immediately opened the door and pulled her into a tight hug. Because of excitement and nervousness. She was shocked at first, but eventually she hugged back.
"Aawwh my chameleon really missed me~" She cooed at me and kissed my lips. I just chuckled at her without being able to tease her back, because I can feel the tense running up to me now. I let her come in and she immediately sat on the couch. I got some few chips for us to eat and I sat beside her. She put her head on my shoulder as I put my arms around her.
"So what movie do you want to watch?" I asked her, even though I know it is still the same movie she would pick.
"Hmm, how 'bout Encanto?" She said and I just looked at her while raising my brow at her, im so good at acting. That is why I am a theatre kid.
"Seriously? That again? You watched that for more than 10times already" I said faking a cry and she just glared at me.
"Your point? now come on turn it on" She said and kissed my cheeks. I just turned the movie on and we watched it, again.
As I knew it was already close to the middle of the movie, I excused myself to go the bathroom, but Y/N stopped me.
"Aye, why do you need to go? We're almost at the middle. This is the best part" She said and sulked. I need to go now or else this will be ruined, aye, this girl really.
I pecked her lips and told her that I really need to use the bathroom and she just chuckled at me saying she was just joking about stopping me. So I went straight to the garden and told everyone to hide and to get ready.
Third Person's POV
You continued watching the movie as soon as Camilo went to the bathroom. You noticed that the movie keeps on scratching, is the tv broke? You were about to click on the remote when it turned black, scared you broke it.
"Omygod, MILO WHY DID THE SCREEN WENT BLACK?!" You shouted and noticed that he is at the bathroom for too long. You mentally cursed at the thought Abuela be mad at you for breaking their tv.
As the screen went black a video of Camilo started playing, as you started questioning yourself.
"So, uhmmm *waves at the cam* Hola, mi princesa~ well, its been awhile since we started dating a-and im not surprised we had taken this as a long relationship, uhh, I know this sounds cheesy but let me say this...remember the time when we first met..I cant deny that I think I've been l-love at first sight..with you..and im so happy that we became friends after that. When I first confess to you, I was really really nervous at that time. Cause that was the first confession I've ever made. And you're the first girlfriend I've ever had. Thats when I told myself that I will never let go of this girl, I mean it never. For all those happy times that we had I always cherish those memories the most. But through all these happy moments that we have, there will always be sad and hurting moments that every couple is facing. Just like us. But like what I have said, I really love you and I will protect you. There's always a time where I would think of giving up, but my family and yours and...soon-to-be my family*mumbles* they are also there for me in all those times. They made me think that if I really love you, I won't think of giving up my love for you. No matter how badly I would get hurt physically or mentally, it doesnt matter as long as I will have you forever. *teary-eyed* But I am Camilo Madrigal, your boyfriend...I will fight for you and do anything just for you. They don't call me the entertainer for nothing. And I guess I did it successfully, just look at what we are now, we're still together and our relationship is getting stronger than ever. You know who my heart is beating for..ofcourse, its the most beautiful girl and my ONLY love in this world, its you *points at the cam*. To all those promises that we made for each other. I hope it will stay in us longer. I've always been the happiest guy in the world, since im with you. I'll just ask you one question, and it would be save for later *winks at the cam and chuckles after* Mi amor, vida, princesa, mi querida, cariña, you are mine as I am also yours. Remember that, I love you always and forever my baby~ *kisses the cam and smiles* Oh and btw, after this come to the garden, Te amo!!~"
The screen went black again and you were so touched at the moment on what he did. You felt like crying being so lucky to have him. After a minute of trying to process youe thoughts and calm your emotions , you walked your way to the garden to see him.
As on your way to the garden, you noticed the rose petals making its way on the ground. you smiled at the effort that Camilo made but you wondered whats the occassion? When you arrived at the garden you were so shocked at how it was. There are lights that brighten up the garden,the food that smells so nice, you were really sure that this was Tía Julieta's cooking tho and the pictures that is hanging. One by one you went near the pictures to see it and noticed the notes that was beside it.
You smiled at the pictures 'coz it reminds you of the memories you and Camilo had for the past years. There was your first date, and the time he took you to their home to meet his family, your first dance, his confession and so much more. You felt a tear left your eyes, not of sadness, but because of happiness and the overwhelming feeling. You looked around to find Camilo, but you can't see him.
"Cami, where are you??" You looked around but still no sign of him. You continued to looked around until you heard someone's voice behind you.
"Looking for me, Amor?" He said while chuckling, as you turned around you were so shocked at what you saw.
It's just him holding a bunch of amazing stuffs. Like so MANY stuffs, at those time you are already in tears as you really appreciate all of these.
"I tried my best to make this night memorable for you, hope you like-" Camilo was cutted off by you kissing his lips and smiling at him.
"Don't worry, I love it more than you ever know. I love you" You looked at him with full of love and sincerity in your eyes, as he just smiled at you.
"I love you too Mi Vida, oh before I forget, these are now yours" He said to me and you just chuckled at him.
"Here you go one big chameleon stuffed toy for you, which is a lot bigger than you and incase you miss me you can just stare at that" He said while laughing as you just pouted at him and he just kissed you. He hand me the chameleon stuff animal and you put it beside you coz it's really big and heavy to say the least.
"One boquet of blue and pink flowers for you" he handed me the boquet which you stared in awe coz it was your two favorite colors.
"And also these two boxes, open it" He said and smiled. You put the boquet on the side table and opened the boxes.
It shows a cute necklace that has the pendant of heart, it is so cute. Camill grab the necklace and put it in your neck. As you opened the next box and it has a yellow bracelet with a chameleon pendant and Camilo also put it around your wrist. At this time you are really crying.
Camill just chuckled and cupped your face while wiping the tears. "Hey, dont cry yet amor"
"This is too much Camil-" Camilo cut you off by pecking you on the lips.
"It's okay, this is for you" He said and then handed out a bunch of chocolates.
"Yeheeyy, chocolates~" You cooed and he just chuckled. You are about to give him some but you noticed that he suddenly looked nervous.
"Amor, why does it look like you're nervous?" You said laughing at him and he just chuckled nervously, sus.
"Y/N L/N, amor, I love you so much always remember that. I will love you as long as I live. Im so lucky to have you, now I know that it is not impossible to reach the moon. For you are my moon, the one who provides me light in my darkest hour, you give light to my dark world. Well I hope this relationship will stand strong. Face all the odds along way. Overcome each problems that will arrive. Prove to others that our love will last till the end. And thy words will last forever. I love you mi amor" you are currently in awe at what he just said. Camilo grabbed something from his pockets. It is a paper with a big heart design.
"What is this Cami?" You asked looking at him confused
"Just read it, vida" Camilo said and kissed your cheeks.
You opened the letter and read whats inside it. It's a poem made by him.
"When you came into my life
I was been bless that time
Love is the first word I can describe
Let me be with you so I can survive
You're my everything I want to be
On the first day that we met, my eyes sparkles with glee
Up until now, I still love you with all mighty
My heart is beating only for you
And I know you feel the same way too
Right before we had this relationship
Reality made my feelings too hard to keep
You and me are like a cute couple to clip
Mi vida,querida,baby,princesa, my love
Eternity will bring us and our love on top"
At that moment you are already crying, you were so touched on what he made for you. Thru all of these, you felt being the luckiest girl in the world to have such perfect boyfriend.
As you were reading the poem Camilo can't help but to smile because a minute by now you will be his fiancé. But still he gets nervous, and negative thoughts are running on his mind.
After you read it, you suddenly hugged Camilo while crying, as he hugged back tightly. Once you pulled away, Camilo wiped your tears away, cupping your cheeks
"I am so thankful that I have you-" Camilo cutted you off by kissing you and smiled geniunely, as his nervousness had gotten worse.
"No, I should say that. Thank you and btw c-can you like go through the poem again?" Camilo said smiling nervously.
"Oh okay then, Milo I love the poem. Don't be nervouse coz I love it" You said with a reassuring smile. Camilo mentally cursed knowing his nervousness was showing obviously.
"Look at the first letter of ever sentence" Camilo said, getting ready for the big move. Trying not to have the feeling of nervousness. Because being nervous makes everything go back to zero.
"W-I-L-L-Y-O-U-M-A-R-R-Y-M-E, Okay I don't get it" You said with confusion evident in the tone.
"You don't get it coz you spelled it, try reading it" Camilo said being confident than ever. This is it!
"Oh okay, Will You Marry-" You suddenly stopped and looked at him with wide eyes. After that you started crying, as Camilo just look at you in awe while wiping your tears away, he kinda feel bad because you cried a lot today. "—Omygosh, WILL YOU MARRY ME? C-Camilo..."
Camilo knelt with one knee on the ground and pulled the box in his pockets and opened it as it showed a beautiful and real diamond ring. Perfect ring for the perfect one.
"Mi Amor. Y/N L/N will you marry me?" Camilo asked, hoping you would say yes.
"No—"
"WHAT!?"
"Let me finish, Camilo" You scolded him as he sighed in relief, scared that was your answer.
You nodded you head as more tears fell out from you eyes. "No way I wouldn't keep you to be my husband so..YES!! I will marry you, yess!!"  Camilo can feel the tears from his eyes. YOU SAID YES!!
He stood up to hug and kiss you. But before that, Camilo put the ring on your finger first and thankfully it was a perfect fit. He felt like the luckiest guy in the world. Because YOU said YES TO HIM.
"I love you Mi vida" You said and kissed him.
"I love you too Y/N Madrigal~" He said,earning a chuckle from you as hugged you for awhile. "Btw, I still have a surprise for you"
"Wait another surprise, Camilo Madrigal, I am so done crying already" you said while laughing.
"So, whats the sur-"
"FELICIDADES!!"
Everyone suddenly showed up from their hiding places as you saw both your family and his.
His family went up to hug him, mostly Pepa who was really a crying mess peppering Camilo with kisses.
Your brothers and parents also hugged you as you kept crying.
"You are not anymore our little girl" Your mother said as your father tries to calm her down.
You looked at your two older brothers and noticed that they were about to cry, as you gestured your arms as they hugged you which cause you to chuckle.
"Remember the time you two said, you're gonna cry when I will change my surname"
"Yeah, but you're not yet married and had a wedding so gonna save these tears" Your brother, Kyle said as Tyler was looking up ti stop his own tears.
The night went on as a celebration, you were so happy. Pepa would constantly cry together with your mother, as you and Camilo would both calm them down.
Everybody was happy, especially you and Camilo.
"Hey, Y/N Madrigal c'mere" Camilo said gesturing for you to come closer as he wrapped his arms around you.
"I bet you will call me that from now on, huh" You teased as he just chuckled and kiss your head.
"Ofcourse, it suits you"
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