#im sorry to keep vagueing about my mental health all the time

[arsenicflame]

ok really struggling to find balance i think i might log off again till thursday, you know the drill, queue keeps ticking you probably wont even notice im gone

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

[aziraphales-library]

Hello lovely people! Sorry if im a bit vague but do you have any fics of the 14th century?

("I really didnt like the 14th century")

Preferably with some 'not very nice on the mental health' for Crowley?

With some comfort or not

Cheers!

Hi! Here are some fics about why Crowley hates the 14th century...

Fish-Mesh Trap by Alina_writes (T)

It's the 14th Century, Pestilence walks the earth, and Crowley finds himself in an extremely unfavourable situation. Inspired by the tear-jerking art by fireflysummers and 10yrsart on tumblr.

trapped within an abstract from a moment of my life by midnightdragons (T)

"How long have you been sick, Crowley?" Aziraphale pressed, keeping the tremor from his voice as he steadied his hands, brushing back sweaty hair from the demon's clammy, too-hot forehead. This was not the first time Hell had punished Crowley like this; they were cruel, far too often, and not in the passive-aggressive ways Heaven was, but in the ways that left Crowley shaking and crying out in pain, just as he was now. 

Aziraphale is helping people in the 1300s during the Black Plague epidemic in Europe, and finds a familiar face hiding in the shadows of a sick house ... in need of help of his own.

all hope abandon by morningstar921 (T)

It's the 14th century and the Plague runs rampant through London. It's innocuous enough until the demons start catching it too. Until Crowley catches it. "I'm not helping them. This is medical malpractice, angel. Do you really think a few leeches will cure them?"

so don't go (where i can't follow) by liber_solis (M)

"Angel. What have you done? Answer me!" Crowley shouts. "I'm dying, Crowley." Or There's a reason why Crowley hates the 14th century

A Short History of the 14th Century by agent_p_94 (G)

"You win," said Aziraphale miserably. "I'll go to Scotland." Crowley snapped, and the manacles around Aziraphale's feet broke open. "Shake on it?" "Oh, I suppose." Aziraphale shuffled across the cell and took Crowley's hand through the bars. "This is a one time thing, alright?" he said, looking Crowley straight in the eye. "Due to, ah, unique circumstances." Crowley grinned. A snake's tongue flickered in and out of his mouth. "Course," he said. "Wouldn't dream of asking again." (Spoilers: He asks again) To understand why Crowley hates the 14th century, you have to go back to the beginning of the Arrangement...

The light that is coming in the morning by WoodsWitch (T)

Europe in the 14th century was bloody awful: plagues, famine, century-long wars...no wonder many humans mistakenly thought the apocalypse was already upon them. The only positive, as far as Crowley was concerned, was that Aziraphale was starting to seem comfortable with their Arrangement, even if that was rather torturous in its own way. Unfortunately, their first true, if initially accidental, collaboration goes down like a lead balloon. Guest appearances by Petrarch, John Ball, Watt Tyler, Richard II, and some Cambridge students attempting to do the Faust thing. Can be treated as a prequel to "No one expects the Spanish Inquisition" *TW: References to most of the expected medieval unpleasantness, including antisemitism, messy execution techniques, the black death, etc.

- Mod D

[peachfruitcake]

did you hear about what Martin said about Susan and Linda on the Twitter space he hosted on the 27th? i thought of you instantly when he started talking about them and have been waiting for you to post your thoughts! :-)

HEHE YES IM THE ONE WHO’S QUESTION LED TO THAT!!!!!

Now for those who didn’t listen to that space, Martin said that Linda called her to say goodbye but never specified how it went of course. Besides “hey Susan I’m leaving sorry this is really impacting my mental health” “gaaaaaaaaaaey”/j

This is all a personal headcanon but I like to think that their friendship grew incredibly distant ever since Linda married Felix, Susan probably stopped talking to her altogether for a while and it would leave Linda very confused and upset. They might’ve started talking to eachother again a little bit as the series of events began to approach but only very brief small talk, maybe Linda complaining a little and giving Susan a few life updates and them both talking about stuff they’ve been noticing with others lately (especially Felix’s drinking), but nothing deeper than that.

I see Susan being extremely emotionally closed off to most people except maybe a select few that she knows very closely, so if you were to ask her what’s going on in her life she’d give you a very vaguely watered down version and not what’s actually going on or how she’s really managing herself emotionally.

So basically she used to be more open with Linda, but during that period she sort of just started treating her like a stranger.

So when Linda called her first to tell her that she’s finally leaving, Susan acted how she usually would, keeping it calm, understanding and respectful and wishing her luck, but she won’t really show any more than that. Or that she cried later and felt pretty bad that they couldn’t be so close anymore and that she’ll probably never be able to make up for herself acting so distant for the past many years again.

Of course this all comes from how I view Susan as a character myself though and also the fact that I refuse to pass up the idea that she has feelings for Linda. I like to think that she introduced her to Felix cuz Linda was getting more desperate to find a relationship and Susan was getting weird thoughts so in a panic she shoved her off to him so she could avoid the urges. They’ve been boiling within her since highschool and she always was able to push them aside or excuse them as “she’s just my very close friend I don’t have many close friends so she feels extra special” and as the years went by they began distracting her a lot from her work and were growing stronger and more unavoidable aaand they were really beginning to affect how she’d interact with Linda and you see Susan hates feeling like another has any control over her and Linda just wouldn’t shut up about hooooow badly she wants a relationship and hoooow many dates keep failing and Susan was at the point to where she was starting to get the kind of dreams that make you stare up at the ceiling in horror when you open your eyes in the morning so one day when she overheard Felix speaking about being single and wanting to start looking around, she decided to introduce her to him. Susan allegedly never finds a problem she can’t fix in some way so that was her solution.

They hit it off, Susan’s solution isn’t working for some reason cuz she doesn’t feel any relief at all and in fact feels worse but just sucks it up and just focuses on her work and looks the other way. Linda and Felix get married, Susan feels like throwing up the entire day and now feels somehow even more worse by now and suddenly whenever Linda wants to chat she’s suddenly always “busy” every time. Susan’s often busy anyways but you know yourself when there’s a difference between “shit I’m busy that day, let’s do Sunday instead” and “Sorry I can’t, I’m busy”, “I don’t know when I’ll be available.”

While Linda and Felix were dating, Susan probably assumed that she was just jealous that she couldn’t have a little fun at her age herself. When they got married, Susan told herself that she’s probably so depressed over it cuz it’s making her feel like she’s fallen behind others her age and that maybe she feels bitter that all of these people are moving on and going through these important life stages while she remains behind. Which made no sense otherwise cuz Susan couldn’t give any less of a fuck about starting any sort of family or going out. But that’s what Susan would tell herself that she feels so she wouldn’t have to think about it any further. By the time Susan thinks she’s over whatever it was, she begins having brief talks with Linda occasionally. Not often and still a bit distant, but way better than before.

So yeah can you imagine how shitty and guilty Susan felt that whole time of her weird bitterness toward Linda being in a relationship and not being able to approach her much anymore or how Felix turned out to be such a shitty husband.

If this headcanon is aligned with twf’s canon, she’d probably be dead before she even gets to actually acknowledge and accept her feelings as they are. Such is life though. Not like she could’ve done anything about it.

[schizosupport]

this is going to be very long and rambly, i apologize. you can answer any, all, or no parts of it, i guess i just really need to blurt it all out to *someone*

for the past 3 or 4 years, ive been having mild (?) transient stress related psychotic symptoms. i suspect i have a cluster b pd which could possibly cover that

at first it was mostly paranoia i think ? usually the standard "theyre out to get me" type thoughts, both with people i knew and nebulous entities i couldnt define. it doesnt happen too frequently, but it seems to have gotten worse with time. this past fall / winter was especially bad bc i was already doing poorly mental health wise and was very isolated. a lot of the thoughts are still paranoia based, but some lean more towards delusions now (e.g. being afraid of the music i left to play from my phone speakers bc i felt it was hunting me down) as well as some that are fully bizarre (e.g. believing that ive been an angel stuck inside a human body my whole life, thinking theres a force field around my apartment thats keeping me stuck inside). for a while there was also this... pervasive sense of unreality almost ? like i would get frustrated that things werent operating on dream logic, or have difficulty differentiating dreams and reality in general. for the past couple months since then, ive had pretty much no issues

i always retain Some grasp on reality, whether its full on double booking or a vague sense of "something is wrong with me right now", which is enough for me to hide away from people and try to calm myself down and ground myself back to reality (... can you even do that with "real" delusions ? talk yourself out of them ?). the symptoms only last a few hours "at their peak", though the unsteady / unreality feeling may stick around for days or weeks surrounding that. im still able to be mostly functional for that part though. as such, nobody knows about any of this.

i just. i dont know. i dont have a therapist (i need one). im too afraid telling my friends will change their views on me irreparably even though they too struggle with (other) deeply stigmatized mental health issues. ive spent a lot of my childhood being called insane and incapable and i dont want it to happen again after ive finally found people that respect me. im worried ill have a full on psychotic break at some point (what the hell counts as "a break" ? can i call what ive been through "episodes" ?), or lose my ability to double book, or display symptoms in front of people i know. i just dont know what to do so im. spilling it out all here. so someone at all besides me knows

-- elias

Hey there,

Sorry it took me a while to get back to you.

It definitely sounds to me like you are experiencing some level of psychotic symtoms, and it sounds like it's causing you significant distress. You asked whether you can "talk yourself out of" a "real delusion" - and well, not as such, until the delusion passes, but they can be more or less long-lived and come with more or less insight.

The types of episode that only last a couple hours at full intensity are sometimes referred to as micropsychoses. When people talk about "a psychotic episode" it usually refers to a prolonged loss of reality that may last days, weeks or even months. But plenty of people on the schizo- and psychosis spectrum don't experience full-blown psychotic episodes. That doesn't make their psychosis un-serious, and it also isn't a given that these people will go on to develop worse psychotic symptoms.

I think one of the reasons the diagnosis of schizotypal exists, is because we needed to acknowledge that not every person's endpoint on the schizo-spectrum is schizophrenia, but that doesn't mean that their experience doesn't come with distress or disability.

I think you could try to do a vibe check with your friends to see how they react to the concept of psychosis and psychotic disorders. If they seem cool, then you could try to bring up your own experiences. It might be nice to be able to talk about those things, and get to experience that it doesn't have to be the end of the world, and not everyone will judge you for it.

I hope you all the best, anon!!

[wc-confessions]

Hi, I don’t usually come to confessions blogs for like mental health reasons but I’m the author of Follow Your Heart and i was told it was being discussed on here so I wanted to come talk about it myself.

I started writing the comic when I was in highschool, so I was a child myself. (I don’t remember my exact age, just that I remember drawing concept art while hanging out in my school’s library) That’s why the original “drama” thing was there between Mouseclaw and Sootpaw. Spottedleafs Heart came out and it was so bad that it made me re-examine that part of the story. Warriors romantizes relationships with age gaps like Soot and Mouse all the time, hence why I probably didn’t think anything of it back then. (See: Dustfern, Bramblesquirrel)

Yes, there are scenes where it’s implied the characters have had sex. There is absolutely nothing explicit however, and I have some bad news for the original anon about how babies were made if they’re that upset about it, because literally every child born in the series implies the characters had sex lol. Its even implied Daisy and Spiderleg had a one night stand! (He specifically says their kits were an accident!)

I also don’t appreciate the implications of what they were saying as someone who was traumatized by actual zooporn w real animals as a young child. That kind of thing is exactly the reason I don’t post or advertise my comic on twitter or tumblr, I knew I’d get accused of that shit. Idk if the original anon is reading this but please think about what you say before you say it :/

I’m a human being and I’m not perfect. But I like to think I’m doing okay, since multiple CSA survivors have shared their stories in my comments and thanked me for making the comic (im not trying to toot my own horn, im simply stating facts- i dont want to pat my own ass or anything) and I also had a CSA survivor as a beta reader of the comic.

I don’t think Spottedleaf experienced actual sexual abuse if that’s what the other anon was implying, I just think that the story was a VERY bad example of grooming and it was what inspired me to do better.

 I’m doing this specifically because if there is the BAREST fucking chance I can educate a kid and keep them out if this situation, I want to take it. I feel incredibly strongly about this topic and that’s why I wanted to do something about it. I said this in a page description, but I was provided very little education on this in school, in fact I can only concretely remember one video and I have a vague idea that there was one other thing I was shown to educate about CSA- compared to the abstinence-only sex education that was drilled in my head from like, 6th to 9th grade. I’m just a blip in the sea of warcats comics on dA, but I can at least try my best to help where I can.

I have a warning page up that talks about the subject matter which is what I’m sure you saw, but I go a little more in depth in the description of chapter 5’s cover.

I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but I genuinely deeply appreciate you not immediately trying to crucify me when that anon came to your inbox. Like I said, there’s a reason I don’t advertise on tumblr. I really really appreciate you taking a neutral stance until you knew more. Thank you, it means a lot. :) sorry for the very long ask, haha.

thank you for your response and its no problem. in these sorts of situations its always best to pretty much get your own info so i took it very seriously. im very sorry about all that and dont hesitate to lmk if youd rather not be spoken about on here i'd completely understand.

[vasito-de-leche]

also, also —

I wrote out so many quotes 'cause your language is beautiful and you manipulate it to express complicated figures with simple words so easily is breathtaking. SO I took many quotes and one seriously got on my mind

"would you forgive him just as readily if he were to kill someone in front of you?" I feel like I'd need you elaborate on that one. The thought looks curious as an idea for a situation but at the same time I understand how easily forgiving reader would be borderline ignoring severance of the situation(maybe??? Im still not sure how this works since we got fans already knowing he unalives ppl easily in the first place + the whole setting does collocate with high death rate so...) and on the other hand, abandoning him is just gameover. So I thought the closest to actually getting through this situation without being too unrealistic would be two options

First one is probably classical "y/n already knew it before and them getting close to FMN was with that fact taken into account" and the second one is (mourning the loss of life then) turning to him to adress the issue and try to figure some other ways to "win" without killing anybody(paralyze potion??? More mind games? idk). As if it's _our_ problem and not just his. tldr: jokes on him we are not getting off of that ship.

sorry for this getting too big. you've awakened a dog and it's rabid

NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS, I LOVE LOVE LOVE DISCUSSING THINGS IN-DEPTH WITH PEOPLE! this is us right now, we're sitting and talking about FMN's unstable mental health together and we're holding hands and we're having fun

when I wrote that oneshot, I wanted to keep everything as vague as possible when it came to the reader - this includes their involvement with FMN's and how they tackle the ticking bomb that is his personality and moral compass!

the only thing regarding the reader that I wanted to come across is that the reader cares about him to some degree - the depths of those feelings are pretty much up to you and how you feel about FMN

the SECOND thing I wanted to come across is the fact that FMN lives in his own head, so everything HE perceives about the reader is either projection or wishful thinking, like. you CANNOT take him at face value because everything he thinks and says is a contradiction. he's obsessed with you but both denies it and revels in it, he spends so much time observing you but also misses INCREDIBLY OBVIOUS things about you. he loves you and he hates you. etc etc.

so when FMN starts thinking all that shit about how would you react if he were to kill someone in front of you, that's all intrusive thoughts. they make no sense and are fueled by impulse and things he doesn't actually want to engage in (but might, just because he's one hair away from constantly ruining his own life in one way or another, FMN is self-destructive above all else)

the message underneath is that he simply just wants to keep being awful and irredeemable because he wants to show you that he's ugly inside and outside because he's STILL pretending to be a smooth and very hinged person. it wasn't meant to establish that the reader NEVER saw him kill or commit any other atrocities, or that they're willingly blind or anything else - again, those aspects are left vague for whoever reads this to fill in the blanks AND FMN cannot be trusted in here, especially when reading his POV

ultimately, I can't start elaborating on how the reader would react if they saw FMN kill people fireworks style after this oneshot - because YOU are the reader, I don't control your thoughts or perception. in this oneshot, the character of the "reader" lacks any sort of backstory, motivations, or any solid info to even start thinking if they'd forgive FMN or abandon him or whatever, if that makes sense. I didn't establish if they're an arcanist or human, if they're mixed or infected, if they're willingly siding with Manus or are blind to FMN's affiliations with them, etc. it's all up to you in the end! you get to pick how you'd react in the aftermath!

if we were talking about more specifics like, "how about a reader who rejects the foundation and believes in manus?" or "can you write about a human reader caught up in the crossfire?". those things I can deffo work with because there's context for me to start from

hope this made sense, and ty for the asks!! always a treat to see more FMN fans <3

[ectonurites]

TIMBER IS ENDGAME!!!

Sorry I’m just excited after reading the new issue of Tim’s solo but they basically confirmed it with this issue and I’m so excited!

okay so three things, sorry in advance if i sound snippy with any/all of this:

1. this was sent at around ~2am in my timezone, when the comic in question was released only like 2 hours earlier. which to me feels… a tad early to start talking in my (or anyone’s) inbox about it without any sort of spoiler/context warning before talking about the issue’s content. especially if i have not already posted about the issue myself, indicating i’ve read it. i know you did not say anything terribly specific here, but like… still. i personally prefer going into new issues completely blind aside from officially released promo stuff (aka im good with seeing solicits and the previews from dc and stuff the artists/writers may post/talk about ahead of time) so getting any other info ahead (even vague stuff) really frustrates me as a general thing. (I know that may seem hypocritical because there are times i’ve discussed/referenced leaks, but trust me when i say i don’t seek them out. sometimes they are thrust upon me because people don’t tag that shit properly, and i still have opinions all the time always, but i make a point of spoiler tagging in those scenarios).

2. in general, the concept of a comic ship (especially one with teen/young adult characters) being ‘endgame’ is just so wildly absurd to me. like without reading the issue i’d guess you’re using the phrase in a more colloquial ‘this ship is going to stick around longterm!’ way, and sure totally i’d believe that sort of thing got indicated, and that’s cool and exciting if it was! but monthly superhero comics are an ongoing medium… i guess i’m getting into semantics here but there can’t really be endgame ships if the ‘game’ never ‘ends’. even an individual book getting cancelled isn’t an actual end when it’s part of a shared universe thus the same characters can pop up elsewhere. and even if its like ‘ahhh look! the future!’ that sort of thing happens in comics every other week and can change so so easily.

3. i have not actually been keeping up to date with Tim’s current solo to begin with. i know that may seem shocking because of the [gestures vaguely to my icon and my blog in general] but it’s because unfortunately the universe had really cruel timing the day TD:R #1 released and due to that i’m still in ‘every new issue coming out just makes me think about how many months it’s been since my uncle died’ mode. so ive been avoiding the book and avoiding discussion about it for the sake of my own mental health right now. someday i’ll get around to it but idk when i’m gonna have enough… distance, I guess, to be able to.

anyways. sorry that that is probably super not the sort of response you were wanting/expecting, pls don’t think im Mad at you individual anon who sent this and i’m glad you’re excited about whatever happened in the book! this just… struck me and my brain at the wrong moment in the wrong ways, i suppose

[bmpmp3]

i guess “wobbly” isn’t totally the right way to describe what’s going on with my art, a better descriptor might be a sort of “double vision” created through an inevitability turned into an intentionality

(sorry im very sick rn and my sick brain accidentally wrote some barely readable essay about my own artistic techniques orz under da cut)

i think a large part of the reason i gravitate towards drawing analogue vs digital nowadays (ignoring the fact that i have spatial issues and i can keep track of proportions much easier on paper than on a screen) is that like, at least in my experience (growing up on deviantart LOL) traditional art, while being less popular online (at least, growing up on deviantart it was), also allowed way more room for visual mistakes and imperfections than digital art did. i think sometimes, at least for me, having an undo button ended up putting a weird perfectionism on me instead of being a useful tool orz

YOU MAY have noticed my double/triple lines in my linework, especially in long, uninterrupted lines, that’s what i mean by inevitability turned intentionality: its a sort of “line correction” like one would do when doing a rough sketch except for some ungodly reason i do it during my very permanent inking stage LOL jk jk its actually several very good reasons: you know how many artists find their rough sketches look better than their final linework? part of that is because your eyes bring in all the competing sketchy lines together as one cohesive sort of “vibe” of a line, making it look exactly how your brain thinks it should look to be “correct”

another reason is that, going back to the spatial issues, the dysgraphia is inevitable and i will always end up strange, jerky lines no matter the sketch stage or the ink stage, no matter how careful i am no matter how careless, its something that’s stuck with me for 24 years and i can usually write my b’s and d’s without a reference nowadays (the z’s are still questionable) but it’s always present - SO i’ve found, especially in the past couple years, embracing it is vital

hold on, here’s some examples of my double lines:

THIS drawing around the legs is a REALLY clear example lol

you can see what happened, the red lines are what i attempted to draw first, my dysgraphia then caught up to me half way through bringing in those big wobbles, and then i added the blue lines as a sort of corrective buffer

this one had a LOT, the orange lines were likely what were drawn first. you can kind of tell that i tend to ink from the face first because as i get to the body i get more tired and the more corrective lines need to be drawn LOL

of course there’s exceptions: i think with this girl I hadn’t done any warmup sketching (just drawing vague circles and swirls and lines or maybe a blobby creature doodle LOL) and my hands were hashtag unsteady hjdskfjds

of course when i said inevitiability turned intentionality, i do mean that part of it is done intentionally: on purpose. that’s part of embracing it: it really does just look good and feel good to draw like this. like here i can’t remember or tell which lines were drawn first, i just know it felt right where i placed all my doublelines

i think that’s why i had to stop doing digital art for a while, it tends to not be super conducive to this style of drawing, or at least i haven’t quite gotten the hang of it (despite doing digital art since i was 10 LOL). i remember like 90% of the stuff i would draw digitally, instead of letting my doublelines through i would just ctrl+z and redraw the line 3000000 times until it was “perfect” orz a fools errand that created way more work for myself and was nawt great for my drawing health (both physically and mentally very exhausting). i hope someday i can work out some techniques im happy with that make digital art feel as easy as analogue art has become for me

my chosen medium for colouring in traditonal art also helps i think, i originally gravitated towards watercolour because it was faster and easier on the hands than pencil crayons (especially as a person with this many ocs with black and brown hair LOL my pencil crayons were STUBS while the other colours were nearly untouched) but it also allows for you to get SLOPPY with it LOL painting outside the lines feels SO good and right and not painful WOULD RECOMMEND. plus, i think you can see it in my drawing of Su up there with her brown hair, because to build up deeper colours in watercolour i find it easiest to do it in layers + i cant mimic the brushstrokes very easily, i end up with these sort of simple gradations around all my drawings which i think has a similar i-liked-the-rough-sketch-best effect that the doublelines have, the weird aura tricks the brain into filling in the blanks

of course my lineart style is not super conducive for digital art colouring, paintbucket filling this shit is a NIGHTMARE jkgdfldsjhfkds that’s another thing i gotta do a lot of experimentation with..............

anyway WHAT im trying to say is sometimes the best thing you can do for your art is let your arms draw the way they want to. (also im tricking your eyes into seeing the best version of my art with my fuzzy colouring and double-lined inking. bmpmp3′s trick hee hee)

[taeyungie]

hey em, vanon here!

i had taken a break from social media for some time but im back now. i missed you so much. i occasionally thought of you and your well being. how have you been? how is life treating you?hope you are doing well.

im doing just fine. actually, im in the best condition i could be! my mental health has improved and im doing way better than i was before. life for me has changed so much in the past few months. so many good things have happened to me that it feels unreal (though i do have quite some worries and troubles right now but lets leave it for some other time).

right now, all i wish for is the same good things to happen to you. i wish i could somehow transfer my happiness to you because i truly want what is best for you. believe it or not but you are one of people who helped me become who i am today, no exaggeration. believe me when i say this, you are and forever will be an important part of my life. years later, even if i forget your name, ill never forget about you as someone who showed me so much love and kindness, who gave me so much warmth and comfort, someone who taught me what unconditionally friendship is, who was there in one of the most vulnerable part of my life, how can i? time and time again when i had no one to reach out to, i had you. you are someone i could rely on. i truly found a friend in you. i hope you feel the same towards me. i hope you don't forget that i too am here for you. im gonna be a little greedy and selfish over here and ask you straight away: please always remember me, forever, even if only vaguely.

oh and im a junior year student now! i have examinations coming up again (im so freaking done istg when will this nightmare end), so please wish me luck! and since im back better than ever, i will keep in touch.

and..........i missed you. really.

- vanon

OH MY GOSH SWEETHEART YOU’RE BACK 😭 i’m SO SORRY for getting back to you only now, you’ve sent me this ask like a week ago but i got sick and i didn’t check my inbox for a while ;(((( but you’re back and i couldn't be happier!!! 😭 i missed you so much!!! 

wow, i honestly feel my eyes tearing up reading your words, i’m really so so happy to hear that from you, i’m so happy that you feel better and that you’re happy, that’s what you deserve sweetheart, nothing less 🥺 i’m glad that your life is moving forward and that you’re adapting to the changes so well, i’m really SO proud of you! i’m so proud and happy that i can’t even describe it. that’s all i ever wanted for you and i wish it will always stay that way for you, just moving forward and getting better and better 🥺

...you really are something, you know? ;( gosh, i really feel like crying right now lol to be honest, it’s something i still have to work on as in terms of remembering that there are people who care about me, but hearing things you tell me makes me feel like some type of weight is yet again lifted up from my shoulders... your presence in my life also helped me to grow and learn, all for the better. also knowing that there is someone like you out there in the world, who gave me a chance... how could i ever forget that, love? i am so happy that we could be here for each other, i’m so glad our paths crossed 🥺 i’m glad i could be there for you, even if it was just a little bit, and i’m grateful that you were there for me, that’s something we probably won’t ever forget 🥺 

please, i wish you all the good luck and i’m sending you all the love and support!!! i’ll keep my fingers crossed for you at all times, through all the events of you life, remember that there is always someone who’s cheering on you and that someone is me!! 🥰 you’re amazing and you’re capable of achieving anything you want! but i’m sure you know that by now hehe 💞 keep your head up and be strong! there’s soon to be a new chapter in your life and it’s gonna be amazing! 💘

take care of yourself please and i can’t wait to hear from you sometime again 🥺

[actualbird]

fic where aaron is on vacation and luke needs to find mission injury first aid elsewhere

content warnings: violence, blood, injury, vomiting. luke pearce has a fun life, thats for sure!

wc: 1.2k

i want aaron to go on vacation with his wife (i think he needs a break, pls, surgeons do so much work and need to rest and also i think aaron needs some time to (lovingly) recharge from supporting the shitass mental health of stellis' most depressed detective) and it's a long one, i want him gone for a month doing stupidly romantic and relaxing activities with mrs. yishmir off in a wonderful beautiful location because aaron deserves time off and mrs. yishmir deserves her hot hot husband to shower her in attention

but also luke now doesnt have a doctor he go to when he gets injured

and like LUKE OFC TRIES TO JUST HANDLE EVERYTHING HIMSELF. oh he got stabbed tailing that one person? he'll do the stitches!! got his shoulder dislocated? easy peasy, he'll pop it back in the socket himself!! rib fracture? ehhhhh, so long as the bone didnt pierce his lungs, it's not too bad, honestly

aaron, from his vacation location: .....he's being stupid, i can feel it

mrs. yishmir: hes not your problem right now!!!

but yea luke tries to keep it under wraps but there are some injuries a person cant take care of on their own. luke is maybe just bleeding out in some alley and the pain of having a profusely bleeding wound is NOTHING to the emotional agony of him having to go thru his contacts and figure out whose day he needs to ruin

luke, in a phonecall: hey uh. are you busy? if you are, thats okay, i'll hang up. actually, im hanging up now! bye! im SO SORRY FOR CALLING I'LL---

artem, grumbling: where are you?

artem finds him and is FRIGGING AGHAST AND HORRIFIED and luke explains NO HOSPITALS bc the cases hes on this month are vaguely NSB-adjacent and need to stay off the record for a bit and artem is very very conflicted because Damn It Luke, He's An Attorney, Not A Doctor! but he helps luke out anyway because luke mentioned on that call to bring a roll of duct tape and so he did and luke makes grabby hands for the tape and just

tapes the wound shut

luke: there we go, all better!

artem: NO IT'S NOT

but it works to keep the bleeding at bay until they get to luke's place and luke can do some actual stitches. artem hovers from corner to corner, handing luke everything he needs worriedly and trying not to think about how luke's blood is on his hands (and the floor, and the bedsheets, and---)

once luke is done, he sighs and flops down onto the bed.

luke: thank you so much for helping, artem. im good now, so you can go.

artem: im not going

luke: WHAT.

artem is NOT GOING!!! luke was on death's doorstep an hour ago and artem legit wouldnt be able to fall asleep if he left luke alone right now (actually, hes probably not gonna be able to fall asleep very well for the next month, what with how hes seen not just his friend injured but how hes seen that friend patch himself up with such practiced motions that it's clear to artem that this happens a lot. and that luke always deals with it on his own).

cue luke trying to shoo artem away, his guilt increasing by the second, and artem just refuting all of his arguments and settling on luke's beanbag. luke cant even get artem to take the bed because artem is like "IT'S COVERED IN YOUR BLOOD" and luke is like "okay, fair point" so artem stays

the next morning, luke groggily wakes up to artem making an iron rich breakfast in the kitchen

and also i want this to happen to the other boys in the nxx too

luke gets non lethally poison darted one night and needs to get somewhere he can scream and vomit in safety and the closest place is not his own apartment but marius' art studio. luke has the audacity to kNOCK POLITELY ON THE DOOR and

marius: hey---jesus CHRIST you look like shit

luke: im fiiiine. one sec tho //turns to throw up on the grass

marius: OH MY GOD, GET IN HERE YOU IDIOT

marius stays with luke all throughout the effects of the poison and it's mostly just sitting by luke as he shivers and hurls stomach acid into the toilet. marius keeps things lighthearted by comparing it all to how marius took care of drunk friends back in undergrad and even though luke is dry heaving every other second, marius' words still make him laugh.

once it's over, marius does Not let luke leave. he just pulls out the sofa bed and plops luke onto it and says "if you even TRY to get up im telling miss lawyer and then youre life will be over" and so luke stays and rests

luke HOPED that he'd never have to bother vyn bc usually all his dumbass injuries happen in the dead of the night and vyn Is Asleep but fuck you luke pearce, everybody gets a turn to bandage your wounds fondly and call you an idiot (or something adjacent).

so vyn gets home in the afternoon from his classes and goes to check on his garden and finds an unmoving body in the rose bushes and when he gets closer, he sees it's luke. worryingly unconscious but vyn checks his pulse and sighs with relief. then vyn sees the little note in luke's hand and it says

"hi, vyn! im so sorry! mission stuff happened and i got hit with something thats putting me to sleep and your place was the closest so just let me chill here for a few hours and"

the note cuts off there, the writing turning into unintelligible noodles

vyn sighs, this time not in relief but in "is he serious?" vyn might not be the nicest person but hes not going to leave his friend out cold in the BUSHES (no matter how lovely those bushes are, thank you very much). so vyn has to lug luke's body ("how...are you so heavy...") into his living room and he sets luke onto the couch. luke doesnt seem to be injured anywhere, but the expression on his face is one of distress.

vyn switches on his record player and plays a vinyl. slow and calm music. something that'll hopefully let luke sleep easier.

as the notes play in the air, luke calms, and so vyn calms and just starts doing his work in the living room to watch over him

luke wakes up HOURS later and apologizes profusely and vyn is like "none of your apologies are accepted also stop talking so loud im going to bed. i made you dinner, by the way, it's on the dining table in a plastic container, do not let it go to waste."

luke takes the dinner home and he finds a note in the container. "stop apologizing for needing help." it's curt and to the point but luke wants to cry a little bit at it because he can tell when vyn is showing kindness

by the way, ALL the boys tell mc what happened and she gets worried ofc but also shes just glad luke went to people he trusted. she hopes that one day, he'll trust her too. he'll trust her enough to let her take care of him

but until then, there are people in luke's corner always willing to help

[moonbeamwritings]

totally unrelated to the prompts you just reblogged, but here it goes anyways. Just has a full blown panic attack where I couldn’t breathe, every part of my body started paralyzing and then I threw up. Is there any possibility of a bucci gang consoling the reader and helping them calm down? If you don’t want to write it o don’t feel comfortable doing it then just ignore this

hello dear! im so sorry for the wait, but i hope you’re feeling better! i can certainly give it a go! i’ve never really experienced something like this, so i tried to keep it a little vague just so i don’t misrepresent anything! thank you for sending in and i hope you enjoy!

Bucci Gang + Comforting Reader Post-Panic Attack

tw!!!: discussions of mental health issues and vague descriptions of the aftermath of a panic attack, allusions to vomiting

At this point, you didn’t really have any idea as to how long you had been resting against the side of the bathtub. You had disappeared into the bathroom what felt like ages ago, feeling nauseous and too shaky, anxiety clawing at your lungs.

As you came down from it all, your body seemed to be aiming to expel the horrible feeling creeping up your spine, leaving you hunched over the toilet, forehead warm and chest heaving. 

A few tears slipped down your cheeks as you took in the quiet lull of the bathroom, hearing muffled footsteps and voices moving around outside the door.

Soon enough, the silence was broken by a gentle knock on the door.

“Hey,” a soft voice spoke, “you alright?”

Bruno.

You cleared your throat, “Yeah, Bruno. I’m fine.”

He could tell by your tone of voice that you weren’t, but he didn’t want to push you too far. A beat of silence followed before he asked, “Can I come in?”

You pondered the question for a moment before letting out a quiet affirmative, telling him the door was already open.

He sunk down right next to you, eyes filled with concern, “Do you feel comfortable telling me what happened?”

You explained, in vague details, the last few minutes or so, heart still thrumming in the aftermath of your panic attack. He nodded along, listening attentively as you told him about the feeling and what happened as it finally went away all while offering you a kind, non-judgmental smile.

Bruno reached a tentative hand out to gently rub at your back, watching your face for any signs of discomfort. “The others are watching a movie. It’s only just started. Do you think that’ll help get your mind off of it?”

As soon as you nodded, Bruno was up on his feet to offer you a hand to help you up, leading you out into the living room to join the rest of your friends.

“You okay?” Fugo asked, immediately honing in on the displeasure on your face.

The movie was quickly paused as you, again, summed up your experience, this time with even less details. You really didn’t need to explain the whole thing to everyone in the group. You were happy, at the very least, that Bruno held more information than the others.

When you finally finished, the others were quiet, looking at you as if you were the only person in the room, clearly aiming to take in your every word, to make you feel heard.

Fugo was the first to break the silence, “I’m no stranger to moments like that myself, if you ever feel like that again I’d be more than happy to sit and work through it with you.”

The others, although maybe not entirely relating to the feelings you had, were eager to parrot Fugo’s sentiment.

“Yeah! We can play video games or listen to music or just hang out,” Narancia spewed, eyes growing excited at the thought of being able to be there for you in a time of need.

“Giorno could make you flowers! Right, Giorno?” Mista chimed in, leaning across to the other couch to smack at the younger boy’s shoulder.

“Of course,” Giorno replied, shooting you a warm smile.

Your tears began again, overcome by how sweet everyone was and how comfortable you felt.

“Thanks, guys.”

“Come on,” Narancia called, squishing Mista against the armrest as he scooched to give you room on the couch, “We just started a movie!”

Abbacchio stood with a grumble, announcing that he would go get you a glass of water before they got the movie started. Moments later he returned, slipping the glass into your hand with the most reassuring smile he could muster.

“Thanks, Abbacchio.”

With your water sorted, Narancia slung an arm around your shoulder.

As the movie played out in front of you, the rapid thrum of your heart was replaced with blossoming emotion, assured that your friends were there for you. No matter what.

[bakujho]

Strap in folks, it’s rant time.

So, let's talk a bit about manipulation and abuse present in fandom. It’s uncomfortable, but fuck it lets go, I’m tired of the “good vibes only” push that sweeps all this shit under the rug. I’m not pretending to be an expert by a longshot here and I’m happy to discuss, but I have dealt with enough abusive and manipulative people personally and professionally to spot em a fucking mile away and generally keep my distance. Unfortunately, I’ve noticed a gross trend where there are people being attacked, then are guilted into keeping quiet because the Abusers make it seem like it’s not worth mentioning or that it doesn’t really matter... Unfortunately, the Abusers know exactly what they’re doing, they’re really fucking good at it, and they know exactly the kind of response they’re going to receive (because in some cases, this isn’t the first fandom they’ve pulled this same shit in). 

Right off the bat though, lets get some basic facts about fandom out of the way. No one in fandom owns any character: be it interactions, personality or anything else about said character. No fandom creator owns an idea, or has any right to tell people off for having similar ideas/techniques/styles etc. There’s no such thing as a completely original singular thought, and pretty sure if you think of something ‘original’, there’s inspiration from another source. No one owns a hairstyle, a costume, a backstory, a colour scheme, an item, a scar etc etc. If someone has a similar thing, neat, clearly you’ve got similar tastes. If someone has a carbon copy of your creation on multiple points, ABSOLUTELY question it, but having the same hairstyle isn’t copyright infringement, and having a similar history isn’t ripping someone off, it’s coincidence. 

Going to put the rest under the cut, CW for manipulation tactics, abuse, and all those sorts of goodies.

So, I’ll start with the Abusers here. Everyone knows who they are, they know who they are, unfortunately the victims of them are worried about speaking out because, for the most part, the ones abusing people are in a position of perceived power and speaking out against them can put the victim in a tricky position. No one wants to be ousted from a fandom they enjoy for speaking out against someone that’s been around fandom since its inception. Which brings me to my first point.

Power: Abusers LOVE the feeling of having power (be it follower count, general clout, perceived hierarchy etc) and get really uncomfortable when they feel someone new comes to threaten their position. So, what do these people do in that situation? Option A is to completely ignore and hope they’re not dethroned, Option B is befriend immediately and subtly manipulate the person to keep a close eye on their actions. Keep your friends close, but enemies closer amirite? 

So how the fuck does a person subtly manipulate another person, shouldn’t it be obvious? Fuck man, I wish. But there’s a lot of different techniques used to keep people reigned in and submissive: guilt tripping, evasion/diversion, attention seeking, lying, intimidation, playing the victim etc etc. So obviously these will all present differently based on the abuser, but the goal of all of them is the same. To stay in power, and keep control over everything they can. 

So how would all of these present online? (of course these examples leave some wiggle room for context lost in text/translation/cultural differences etc, but for the most part it all fits the same pattern that the abuser would use in a face to face situation). 

Guilt- tripping: “Well you wouldn’t be here if not for me” “You owe me for your place in the fandom” “well if we really were friends you’d do this for me…” etc etc. Things that pit your emotional attachment to the Abuser against you, the closer you are, the easier it is. Suddenly the Victim finds themselves indebted to the Abuser for their ‘friendship’ that the Victim didn’t realize was conditional. 

Shaming: Invalidating the victims feelings by saying things like “even a child knows better than this”, “it’s okay you don’t understand, you’re probably young”, “I’ve been around fandom longer so I know how things go” etc etc. It makes the Victim feel like they’ve done something wrong by drawing boundaries for themselves, or sticking up for themselves. Remember, the Abuser doesn’t want to lose their crown so they will talk down to their Victims to make them more unsure of their stance, second guess themselves, and feel bad that they spoke up in the first place. 

Projection: “Others have done X to me, I would NEVER do the same” It’s a simple yet effective tactic. The Abuser takes the things they’ve done to people, say it happened to them, and shift the blame to the now faceless enemy so the Victim feels obligated to side with the abuser because, yea, those things mentioned fucking SUCK and no one wants to experience it. No one wants to be that asshole saying “no you deserved it” (because no one fucking deserves to be doxxed, swatted, hacked, etc etc)

Playing-the-victim: Abusers LOVE playing this game. It’s their bread and butter to set the stage for manipulation. “Having a really hard time rn, sorry im such a fuckup”, “struggling with mental health”, “this is all so hard for me” (legit though, if you are struggling please seek help where/when you can, mental health is important). So any of these statements alone can be harmless, and overlooking someone's mental health can have dangerous outcomes, HOWEVER, when these sort of statements are paired with the other things mentioned, it’s no longer simply a vent or a way to work past personal demons, it’s a way to gain sympathy and support, and it is very intentionally done to garner that emotional response from those that will listen to them. 

Attention-Seeking: can be as simple as “no one interacts with me anymore”, making a dramatic vague post, deleting that same post and making a newer, more dramatic post but this time seeking affirmation from the good responses of the last post, posting cryptic messages that ooze “ask me what happened” (vaguebooking is a plague), basically anything that is asking for a response without asking. How is it manipulative though? Guilt. If you’re aware of the Abuser, these types of posts are meant to abuse the Victim's sense of empathy, the natural response to these sorts of posts is “what happened, I’m sorry that happened to you”. 

Diversion/Evasion: straight up changing the subject or switching the blame to anywhere BUT the Abuser. The Abuser says “change X you’re copying me”, the Victim responds “I feel I didn’t copy you”, and the Abuser presses “well the fandom might not think so” and changes it from a personal issue to a larger, more aggressive problem. In this case, the Abuser is the ONLY one with a problem, but are purposely misleading the victim to take the blame off themselves. It’s not THEIR problem, it’s the FANDOMS problem...now making it the Victims problem. 

Blame: Abusers love to blame everyone BUT themselves for their perceived problems. Fandom isn’t interacting with them as much? It’s the fandom that’s dying. More drama in the fandom? Well there’s too many people here now. Getting called out for bad behavior? That’s the problem of the person who CLEARLY doesn’t understand how fandom must work. It’s the age old tale of “I’m perfect, it’s obviously everyone else who is wrong”. At what point does the Abuser realize that they may be the cause for their own misery? They don’t. 

Intimidation: This is a fun one that’s usually a last resort because if the Abuser is pretending to be a sheep caught in a snowstorm, it doesn’t look good for them to publicly announce they’ve been the wolf the whole time. It looks like “well I have X on you”, “if you only knew what I could say about you”, and “I could ruin you” type shit. Of course, in most cases, the Victim hasn’t done anything to warrant this sort of aggression, but the queen is losing her pawns and is now grasping for anything to fight back with. And who knows what sort of lengths the Abuser has gone to to gain information on the victim. It’s pretty easy to find out a lot about a person online, so the Victims back down due to the threat of the unknown.

Avoidance: refusing to talk about the problem, which is an issue I have with fandom itself, in this case. The “no drama good vibes only” is so fucking detrimental when there are problems that need to be addressed. An Abuser will push the narrative that they’re only here for a good time and don’t want drama, while actively creating drama in the shadows. Its not a problem if we don’t talk about it, right? If no one knows, it’s fine. It’s fine. No, it’s manipulative, and if there are problems they NEED to be talked about, because that’s how you find resolutions. 

Denial: This one ties in with avoidance and blame, in that the Abuser will straight up deny that they’ve ever been, or have ever created a problem. The Victim is making a big deal from nothing, they can’t control how others feel about them, so they’ve done nothing wrong. The Abuser will claim they had the best intentions when approaching someone, so clearly they have done nothing wrong. 

Lying: Including omitting any information from arguments that may paint the Abuser in a bad light. The Abuser absolutely doesn’t want anyone to find out what they’re up to, so they’ll say exactly what they need to to change the narrative surrounding them. It could be minor changes to conversations to complete fabrications. Ex “I only approached X to make sure they were okay after X happened”, but X screenshots tell a completely different story. It’s not always easy to catch an Abuser in a lie, especially when there’s the push for “no drama” so no one talks about their personal experiences and can confirm/deny what was/reported to be said. 

So bringing all of those points together and bringing it back to the Abuser wanting to have the power to control what they like/don’t like in fandom. Once they have that feeling of invincibility, they may coyly ask people to delete posts that could lead back to them looking bad, politely ask another creator to change their creation because the Abuser doesn’t like it, or them asking nicely to stop interacting with another member of fandom the Abuser doesn’t like. It may not seem like much at a first glance...after all they asked nicely. However, once you look a little harder and a little longer, it becomes very clear that the intention is to stay in control. The Abuser will do ANYTHING to stay on top, and will employ every trick they have in their arsenal to sew discord and mistrust amongst other members of the fandom to keep the fingers pointed anywhere but at themselves.

So, sound familiar to anyone? My inbox is open for anyone who wants to chat about the topic. If I’ve now made you uncomfortable and you’re going to unfollow/block, cheers, wish you the best. And if you’re feeling called out and attacked by my post? GOOD, stop being a fucking shitty person. 

A few last reminders before adding some resources:

Setting and enforcing personal boundaries is not abuse.

Choosing not to interact with those who make you uncomfortable is not rude.

It is important to call out abuse when you encounter it, it could save someone from becoming a victim themselves.

Always stand up for yourself, you’re your own best advocate. 

Now for some resources: I used a few of these while researching along with my old textbooks from my psych, abnormal psych, and human relations classes I took back in university.

Manipulation tactics

How to recognize a guilt trip

How to spot an attention seeker

[henrycavell]

homecoming

summary: Syverson has been medically discharged from the army after a suicide attempt. He’d been able to hide his deteriorating mental health for years from the men around him, but now he has to face it head on. Hopefully not alone. 

word count: 1,426

pairing: Syverson x OFC 

*I plan on intentionally not describing the girl much, so that when you’re reading you can think of her however you’d like to!

warnings: smut later on, there will be cursing and mentions of depression, anxiety, there will be suicide attempts and self harm though i am not sure how detailed i will go into that! if things get really detailed, i will make sure to put warnings on those specific chapters.

a/n: I am not looking for constructive criticism on this. It’s been a very long time since I’ve written any fan-fiction, though I’ve been roleplaying nonstop for the last few years, I feel a little nervous posting something that’s entirely just mine. So right now, I’m not looking for any criticism, suggestions, etc. <3 If you enjoy reading though, please like/reblog! 

Also, I’m adding everyone in a tag that replied to my text post about wanting to read my stories... so if you’d prefer to be removed, just let me know! If you’d like to be added, also let me know! <3 

Taglist: @littlefreya​ @mary-ann84​ @wondersofdreaming​ @forthebrokenheartedthings​ @geralt-of-baevia​ @asylummara​ @dearlybelovedluke​ @promptandpros​ @mansaaay​ @daddys-littlewhitegirl​ @vacant-writings​  @kaatelyyynn​(i’m sorry if i missed anyone, i only tagged anyone who replied to my text post!!) oh & @80scavill​ i’m tagging you because you said you wanted to proofread, but i am just so nervous that im just posting! bahaha

PART 1 | PART 2

Being medically discharged from the military wasn’t something Syverson wanted to talk about, he sure as hell didn’t want to go into detail. He’d barely been able to admit to himself that his depression and anxiety had become so overwhelming that he could barely function. When his men had started noticing, some questioning his well-being and if he was stable enough to be in his position, he thought that had been the most embarrassing thing. He’d been wrong. The most embarrassing and shameful thing had been his suicide attempt, which ultimately led to his discharge.

The last thing he wanted to do was talk about it, so he didn’t. It was bad enough that he had to think about it constantly. Every time he closed his eyes Sy was brought back to that moment. Blood all over his bunk, smeared along the wall and staining his sheets. As hard as he had tried to convince his peers and superiors that it wasn’t a suicide attempt and rather just an unfortunate mistake, they wouldn’t believe him. And after a full psych evaluation, all hope of saving his career had vanished. Shipped home before he could even argue.

His first few days home had been the hardest, the only little shimmer lighting up his life at the moment being Aika. Sy had been able to bring her home with him and the loyal companion hadn’t left his side for even a second. Seemingly knowing something was wrong with him. But even with his dog giving him all the love and affection she could muster, he still barely left his bed. Tangled up in the sheets, dozing off and on out of sleep except for the very few times that he forced himself up to use the bathroom. Sy hadn’t eaten in what he thought to be at least four days, except for nibbling on a saltine cracker here and there between forcing down some orange juice or shots of whiskey.

Syverson wasn’t proud of the way he was keeping himself, but he didn’t know what to do. He’d been working and serving his country since he graduated high school. Being home with nothing but free time on his hands and a heavy rain cloud hanging over his shoulders, the days were beginning to all blur together. He’d been particularly dreading this morning, however, because he knew the VA was sending over some help, someone to help make sure that he was getting along okay, to make sure he didn’t need anything.

Aika put her paws up on the bed and leaned her head in, grabbing the blanket with her teeth and ripping it off Syverson, pulling it all the way down into the floor. “Okay, okay, I get it, I’m getting up,” Sy groaned, running his hands down his face before pulling himself up, swinging his legs off the side of the bed. A shower sounded nice, but before he could really think about whether he had the energy to or not, Syverson was already hearing a knock from downstairs. Craning his head around to look at the alarm clock by his bed, his face fell, realizing it was already well after noon. He thought he had more time...

ꕥ ꕥ ꕥ

Penelope wasn’t anything more than just a volunteer, a girl in her early twenties that liked to keep herself busy, so for the last few months on the weekends, she’d been donating her time to helping the VA. They’d send her to random retired or discharged veteran’s homes to help with their household chores, or to do their grocery shopping. Sometimes, a lot of them were just lonely and wanted someone to talk to. That was Penelope’s job, to just spend a few hours doing whatever they needed that was within her capability. This seemed to be a special case, though. It was different than all the others. Penelope hadn’t been given very much information on this person, other than their name and a very vague reason as to why they had been discharged. “Don’t ask about what happened,” she’d been warned, told to just leave it to be.

Tapping her knuckles against the door once more, Penelope peered in through the glass pane into the home, seeing that all the lights were off. Stepping back on the porch, Penelope looked out into the drive, seeing a rusted pickup truck and thinking to herself that Syverson had to be home. Just as she turned back around to knock a third time, her fist already raised in the air, she came face to face with the captain.

“Heard ya the first time,” he grunted, before turning in the door way and disappearing back down the hall. Penelope had only gotten a quick glance at him. His hair was short but was starting to grow out, his beard had looked a little unkempt and it seemed he had just rolled out of bed. Letting her hand drop back down by her waist, she froze on the porch, a little taken aback by his greeting. If she could call it that.

Stepping up into the home, Penelope closed the door behind her, just as a large german shepherd came running up to her. Aika panted, her tongue sticking out as she barked excitedly, nudging herself against Penelope’s legs as if telling her to follow the captain into the kitchen. If Aika could speak, she would have told the younger girl that it had been almost a month since the captain had spoken to anyone in person. “Hey there,” Penelope cooed, reaching down to scratch Aika behind her ears before tightening her grip on her purse and heading farther into the home.

“My names Penelope,” she called, just a second before stepping into the kitchen and seeing the man pouring himself a mug of coffee. There was a bit of sunlight coming through the kitchen window, brightening up the dim space just a touch. Most of the sun rays were washing over the man’s back as he fixed his coffee just the way he liked it. The veteran was large, his biceps reminding her of tree trunks, though he did seem to be getting a little soft around the edges. Penelope stood silent for a moment, waiting to see if she’d get anything from the man, but he remained silent, even when he turned around, bringing his mug up to his lips. Syverson didn’t even look at her, instead, snapping his fingers to get Aika to come to his side. His gaze was kept down, fixed on his dog. “I’ll be visiting every weekend, uhm, for as long as you’d like me to.”

“Didn’t want ya’ to begin with, don’t need no help.” The man still didn’t look up as he spoke, instead, his attention still focused on Aika, the dog seemingly being the only thing to bring him comfort.

Penelope was definitely caught off guard. She’d met some rude veterans during her time volunteering, and while this man’s words could’ve definitely been taken that way, Penelope could almost hear the loneliness in his voice. All she’d been told about him was that he’d been battling mental health issues, discharged because of depression, though she hadn’t been given anymore information than that. Letting her shoulders sag, she took a step further into the kitchen, moving towards the fridge as she looked around his kitchen. “I believe you, you look capable.” Penelope tried putting herself in his shoes, a strong man who had climbed through the ranks, spent his whole life serving his country, only to be forced home. To be told he wasn’t fit to serve anymore, that he needed help doing simple tasks. So she tried spinning the narrative as she opened the fridge, a frown making it’s way on to her face as she peered into the empty box. “Think of it as... I’m here to do the things you don’t want to. And it looks like someone doesn’t like grocery shopping,” she tried to tease, “I’ll make a list and-“

Syverson’s footsteps were heavy as he walked away, leaving the kitchen with his cup of coffee without one final word. Watching him disappear down the hall, Penelope heard heavy thuds on the stairs as he headed back up to his room. Letting the door on the fridge shut, Penelope muttered to herself under her breath, “okay...” It seemed like every weekend her job only became harder, she met veterans that were more and more reserved and closed off. But she had no intention of giving up just yet on Syverson.

[lichaltar]

Concerning the post  XXX

if your gonna call someone out with their specific mannerisms on display you may as well slap their name on there. Once you’re tossing discord out it’s not vague blogging anymore. We’ve graduated from vague blogging, so there’s several things im fairly confused about. 

1) Where did you get that I don’t speak japanese because last time we spoke about that you told me you were rusty with it. 

2) You say you lived in japan for a while and then adopted into canada near adulthood, but from our conversations I was told you were raised in canada by brazilians. 

3) Are you Japanese-Brazilian with a hyphen, as in part of a family that are members of the Japanese community that live in Brazil, or is that you’re ethnic mix? I’m extremely confused here, as my recollection of your family history is that your Japanese family lives in Japan.

4) My mother has always been mixed and that was one of the first things I told you, once again someone was there for the convo and they’re IN this community. 

5) As for accusations of shit stirring causing drama and gate keeping. Look it’s cool you have an idea of what gate keeping is and have a different idea of appropriate rep but it’s really fucking uncool of you to say someone isn’t japanese because they had a different idea of representation than you did. I’m part of a minority group of japan, my shits waaay different.  

6) You went to school in japan but you never once told me and i find it really weird that you have no pictures of that or you when you were out and about. You take a LOT of selfies, so it feels odd that theres no selfies of you that I’ve seen in japan. 

7) The eye issues, if you struggle with dysmorphia that’s really sad and it sucks, it’s never something I was made aware of nor did you ever tell me. Not once.  No shade if you struggle with aspects of you appearance due to bullying then thats fucked and I hope you’re getting the appropriate help for that. Many of us dealt with that so yeah- I get it sorry for that.

8) A Public form isn’t the proper place to hash out this shit with your background because it’s kind of all over the place and best left between us. 

9) People that are members of another culture tend to talk a lot about where we’re from. If having those convo’s is uncomfortable with you then you should have told me, as someone who found another person close to their mix I get excited to share experiences, if you didn’t want that you should have said it seeing as you’re an adult. 

10) You couldn’t have been here for 11 years, unless you’re not being honest about your age- that would have made you EXTREMELY young in this community. 

11) You edit your pictures- you can say you don’t but honeyyyy. Their bad- I see where you edit them. That may be a part of your problem with your appearance Once again, I wont say shit about that on a public forem, but doing that shit (Making your head super tiny for example) Probably isn’t helping your self image and mental health.  

Ultimately while you’re making accusations about me on a public forum and that does make me angry- this is mostly just a confusing and sloppy post. At this point you should just say who they’re between. I did have private conversations but you took this very public. 

It’s clear what this post is about and I have the right to respond. At this point there needs to be a lot of clarification because I’m extremely confused. this isn’t even all of it, I just felt like the other things aren’t appropriate to talk about so publicly.  Also keep in mind that my roommate was right here and was present in all of our conversations. I’ve even been to another member of the community’s home for a week- I have my pictures, I have my people in line- I have my proof. Where’s yours?I’d like some clarifications because there's so many twists and turns in this fucking story. Maybe we’re just confused fuck if I know anymore. It’s the ever evolving tale of Mimi. 

[jevilspamton]

if you don't want to answer this, feel free to ignore it!! that's perfectly fine - i don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. but i saw your tags regarding s*nic w*ldf*re and i wanted to know what they did/if i should avoid them, particularly because you mentioned a large age gap & them introducing you to inappropriate content? obv. feel free to ignore/answer on private, i hope things get better for you soon

the inappropriate content part mostly had to do with a separate group i was in when i was 12 i shouldve worded that better in my post sorry!!!

i was initially gonna answer privately but i typed out so much so im like...fuck it. might as well not let my time go to waste

i don't want this to be a ""callout"" post because i dont think this really...classifies as one. i'm just sharing my experiences and my opinion on what happened to me and my friends. this is not an attack. this is venting, if anything.

im going to make this statement and im going to move on! because that's the healthiest choice for me to make! sonic-wildfire can go be mad, he can vague about me, he can call me insults, i do not care. this is for my mental health and my wellbeing.

i'm going to let this out and then get on with my life because i'm finally starting to be happy and i'm not going to allow this to drag me down <3

now onto the actual ramble (i tagged it as #long post (as well as general content warnings like s///icide mentions and all that if you dont want to see this go ahead and filter it):

he didnt have anything to do with explicit images and i didnt say it was a large age gap, just an uncomfortable one, but!!!!!

essentially he is 18 (turning 19 in april), i'm 16. we broke up this year i cant remember if it was before or after he turned 18 in april but regardless it shouldnt have been my responsibility to be the one to prompt the breakup (we were in a polyam relationship with someone else who was about 16 or 17 iirc. we dont talk anymore but thats another story :P)

he projected attraction to a fan artist's version of a sonic character a very clearly meant to have sexualized undertones/creepy OVERtones. the character in question (mighty) is 16. i talked to him about it but he denied it and said he would never display attraction like that to even fictional minors even though i pulled up screenshots of himself going "im gay" @ the images and other portrayals of attraction in tags of his rbs from it, then proceeding to spam delete them after people started dogpiling and agreeing that the topic and the op of the art was very creepy. he got very defensive and said some questionable shit to defend op ("it's not outwardly predatory" etc)

he made suggestive jokes about me and him around the time we were dating, he continued to make them about me and during those recent times i didnt really...realize that wasnt ok so i enabled him by making those jokes back, this was even after i broke up with him which made it a lot worse imo

he was extremely attention grabbing and kind of lowkey passive aggressive/guilt trippy all the time. he also had very bad anger issues and had a VERY heavy history of making a lot of people in the server uncomfortable or even panic

he liveblogged his contemplations and attempt of su*c*de, making my close friend have a panic attack because for the next few hours he didnt say anything. keep in mind 90% of the server has minors in it. he liveblogged this to all these kids including myself who all have triggers related to that sort of topic. we had to set a fucking rule in the server to prevent him from feeling like he could do this again in the vent channel. we understood and were very concerned for his wellbeing and mental health but as one of the older members its supposed to be your responsibility to know where its appropriate to share things like that. in a server with kids, some of them you havent even spoken to once, is not one of those places

i also recall a happening last year with him sharing a gore image of human brains piled in a bathtub while me and a few other people were in a vc with him. had to delete it immediately and tell him to stop. he thought it was appropriate and funny which is so fucking gross, this was during the time he barely knew most of us and we were far from being close friends, and even then that still wouldnt have been appropriate

i could go on and on but tldr hes a very unstable individual who has made a lot of people, both adults and minors, uncomfortable and he threw a fucking fit when we removed him from our server and i blocked him not long after and he called me a "scheming liar" or whatever because i wished to leave off on at least good terms which is why i talked to him before kicking him in the first place. good terms doesnt mean friends. just no hard feelings for cutting connection. he clearly still felt too clingy to me and then got upset when i removed him for good for my mental health

but yknow then he's allowed to vague and ask mutuals for any sonic servers so if he finds us so replaceable idk why hes throwing so much of a tantrum over it??? but yea theres my rant. i was gonna post this privately but, honestly, i feel like people need to hear about this because he is kind of a popular person in the sonic tumblr fandom

to anyone thinking of sending hate or waiting for him to turn on anons again, dont. thats so petty. just let him vague it out of his system because really thats the only way he ever manages his severe anger issues. block him (or block me if you disagree with this ramble or whatever) or dont, i dont care, this is just my story and my experience with him for the past year and a half and im trying to relieve the tension and weight on my shoulders from having to deal with this for the past day or two

TLDR #2 basically just be wary of sonic-wildfire because he has a long history of being very uncomfortable and otherwise harming other ppls mental health and general comfort. you are not obligated to block him. thats your own choice. just please remember these are my experiences and my opinions and i don't expect everyone to adopt these points of view as their own if they do not wish to