Love being called a "spastic with your walking stick" (my white cane.... because I'm blind....) by some rando on the train muttering to himself and calling me a "fucking junkie"
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i'm a cis woman, but in the past few years i've developed a habit of headcanoning any male character i relate to as a trans women, beginning a fic trying to explore that, and then miserably falling short as i can never figure out how to end the story. i've recently joined a new fandom and started my most recent attempt at writing this ever-elusive character interpretation i've been trying to explain for years. and it occurs to me that maybe the reason i keep trying to interpret these characters i relate to as women and failing to, is because i'm trying to project the wrong experience. because i think that conclusion i can never fully bring myself to write isn't one about coming to terms with womanhood and embracing that identity, but about coming to terms with being a man.
so tldr im a trans man and this is a coming out post.
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I keep thinking of a Mobrei soulmate AU to the tune of the fic Polarity by Writeous specifically where you have a soulmark but the TRUE bond is that whenever you share blood with your soulmate, you travel back in time to a time they needed support as an invisible phantom that can only interact with them—and I'm just picturing the first time Reigen and Mob swap blood to confirm and Reigen getting yeeted back into a chaotic nursery room in the middle of the night, tiny ???% Mob floating above his crib crying and wailing as his things fly around him at high speeds and his parents watch helplessly from the doorway. And Reigen, who literally probably learned about his tiny soulmate like ten minutes ago, considering—sighs and just scoops the wailing baby Mob out of the air and holds him. And, since ???% is the one awake, he can see Reigen and is able to interact with him more before Mob calms back down and wakes back up. By then, Mob's parents (why do we never get their NAMES) have kinda scolded themselves for not helping their own child and being afraid of him, enough that this became a moment his soulmate needed to step in, and they come in to take back over—thus Reigen's first big change to Mob's life.
Reigen, however, had a very different experience with his soulmate and is incredibly reluctant to activate the bond after they've confirmed it—because while Mob and everyone else thinks it's platonic, Reigen, who has experienced far more soulmate visits than Mob has at that point, knows that it isn't. But of course, like fate always does, circumstances have them activating the bond far more than he'd like. He's there, afterwards, for every moment Mob needs him, like a delayed memory.
Because he still remembers every time Mob was there for him, even if he doesn't know it yet.
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ik i must be describing dai as a wet cat a lot but listen to me. he can still like, catch arrows with his bare hands or climb a whole 100 ft tall ferris wheel with no equipment but his bare hands. okay
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I’ve been thinking a lot about how Spider felt when he hit puberty and started growing facial hair, making him even more different to the Na’vi. I wonder if he hated it.
Also the inherent tenderness of a boy trusting someone else enough to help him shave for the first time… something about it makes my chest hurt. I really tried to capture it in Foreign Body but there’s so much more that I wish I’d left space for.
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