#im sure nobody cares about this and its really not that big a deal but like WHAT THE FUCK MAN

[analyticalangelsheart]

i had a dream last night where i was handed one of the things i wanted most and i… ran away? i was so scared and ashamed that i ran and hid.

i wasnt gonna say anything about it but im like so perplexed that ive been thinking about it all day.

what about it was so scary.

why arent i scared now.

am i? scared now?

it wasnt exactly fear either. thats just the closest word i can think of.

what the fuck i cant get this out of my head

[lupunsus]

i want to write fluff. i (you people) need to remember the good sides of this au (non-existent) because yanderes can be nice (questionable)

Anyway, amputated mouse reader with Al-Haitham and Kaveh bc i finished the story quest, and they're literally fucking each other every other day istg

based on genshin hybrid au idea by @cinnamonest

while writing this, it was pure fluff... but my demons whispered in my ear, so there's nsfw in it. im sorry, but my resolve is weak against poly relationship with Kaveh and Al-Haitham.

warning: masturbation, the hybrid is actually the pervert in this one, a bit of angst bc hybrid thinks they aren't good enough to be sandwiched between two hot men despite being loved lots but they want their pp even though they know nothing about having sex with a human

Kaveh is too kind, really.

If it wasn't for him, you wouldn't have had such a warm and loving home that cared deeply for you. Having the part of your leg below the knee taken away by bad people with awful traps was sad, but Kaveh and his partner, Al-Haitham, made sure to make you forget about that problem!

Of course, sometimes they argued about things relating to you.

"You claim to be so smart, but what's smart about giving them a pegleg?!" Kaveh glared at Al-Haitham while holding you in his arm. The other held out the object, dropping it in front of the gray-haired man. It was cute to see you hobble around at first. But then you fell over, and tears started to form in your eyes. You were so adorable!! But also, you should never be in pain while under the care of Kaveh and Al-Haitham!! You were fine, just a small bruise, but being the overreacting person he is, Kaveh had to make a big deal out of it.

To others, it would seem like he was making the situation sound worse than it is, but Al-Haitham is just like him. He's just a quiet worrier.

"I suppose I should readjust some things. If I were to buy some parts–"

"Peglegs are unnecessary when we can just carry [Name] around!"

"But then they'd have to crawl around the house if we aren't home."

"We'll put soft rugs down!!"

It's a good thing Dori resides in Sumeru. Her nose can smell potential customers all the way to the desert, but the biggest spenders are always Akademiya students. So when it comes to needing supplies for hybrids, Dori's the one to go to!

But that's a lot of soft rugs. What are you raising? A baby? It's okay. Dori won't ask, just hand over the mora. Thank you~

If anyone were to see Al-Haitham and Kaveh while they lugged a load of rugs to their place, they'd assume Kaveh was getting help with a new project. Nobody knows about the lucky little mouse waiting inside, as the rugs are for them. "Thank you masters! [Name] likes a lot!!" The texture was indeed fluffy and soft. One could wrap themselves up and sleep inside of one. That's how cozy it felt.

It's a shame that the pegleg would sit in storage to collect dust. Maybe one day it'll have its use.

Days when Kaveh is out and Al-Haitham is home are the best days. Why? The two of you do absolutely nothing. You make yourself comfy on top of him and take a nice long nap. Sometimes Al-Haitham will read to you, teaching you some words and whatnot. His voice is nice, however, so most of the time, he looks down to see you drooling all over his chest while deep in slumber. It's the main reason why he stopped wearing shirts during those times. Too much of a hassle to wash them. Kaveh doesn't complain, even doing the same.

Both of their chests make for good pillows, and their skin is always so warm. You definitely start drooling more when you're sleeping on them.

Kaveh is fun to be around, too!

He's made some toys for you to play with, but he doesn't mention how Al-Haitham helped. You didn't ask, so technically, he isn't lying to you. Do you know those cat wheels? Kind of big, enough for a human, maybe if they were to crouch down. Anyway, Kaveh made that for you! A nice little wheel to run to your little heart's content. It's super cute seeing you use it, especially when you get tired.

You just lay there in a puddle of exhaustion, and he takes the opportunity to scratch and nuzzle his face in your tummy. If you're ticklish, you try to push him off, but you're too tired to do so. Kaveh rewards you with treats and stuff to chew on, so it balances itself out. Plus, his belly rubs feel good.

Honestly, living with them makes you forget that you're missing half of your leg.

Almost.

You're a bit clumsy, especially when both of them are busy. During those times, they tend to leave a lot of things laying about. Books, well mainly stacks of books, but there's also occasionally some other stuff. And with how often Kaveh and Al-Haitham redecorate the place, things that are usually in a position you're used to are inevitably moved, and objects put in hard to reach places.

So when you trip or hurt yourself because of it, it's hard not to let a few tears fall. Would it be easier if you had two healthy legs? Of course, it'd be easier to balance yourself with two legs instead of one and a half. These negative thoughts start to spiral until you think about how useless you are to your masters.

All hybrids in shelters know that their purpose is to serve and please their masters. You weren't a stranger to the knowledge, even hearing of how if the hybrid is good, they'll be treated the same and even receive assistance during their... spring season.

But you're damaged goods! Unused, but still damaged! You require more care than the average hybrid, needing special attention and accommodations because of your small size. Neither of the men touched you in that way. Instead, they gave you space and sometimes left the house.

You could smell their scents on each other.

Why were you even here if they had each other to pleasure? You were grateful to even have such a nice home, but what were you to them? A pet? Or worse... an experiment? You've heard stories of fellow rodents being used for tests and experiments. They weren't harmed, but they weren't as loved as other hybrids in homes.

Ah, maybe you were a charity case.

A poor little mouse with half a leg missing. Nobody would want them as caring for them is so expensive, and you'd need to rearrange furniture and make the entire place practically baby proof. Perhaps you were a child to them. But you're definitely past that age! And what will happen to you if they do manage to conceive one? It's unheard-of for a male hybrid to get pregnant, but there are rare cases of it happening. Some can happen with the intervention of researchers, but only psychopaths (Dottore) would experiment with that.

Well, whatever. You're exhausted after overthinking and making yourself insecure and depressed.

The two men you loved with your entire being said they would be out late, but were they just having fun without you? Ah, you already told yourself to stop assuming things and thinking negatively, but it was hard. You wanted to be with them, too! Even during those times... There was only one thing that could help clear away these negative thoughts.

That's right. Stealing.

Borrowing would be a better word. You always put their clothes back! ...With the dirty clothes. Kaveh would be confused, not recalling wearing some of them, but blamed it on the alcohol. Al-Haitham made Kaveh do laundry, so he never spoke about it. He did express his impatience at how Kaveh takes forever to wash clothes, but that was it. They wouldn't think that their precious little mouse was to blame for the misunderstanding and confusion.

You'll never know it, but they think you're incapable of doing anything without them. Of course, you get exercise from your wheel, but they still feed, bathe, and clothe you (you're mainly naked unless they have guests over) with their own hands. The only things you should be doing without them are running on the wheel and chewing on your toys.

Going back to your session of "borrowing," it was usually something you did during the day when they were out, but since they're out late, you figured stealing more clothes of theirs again wouldn't get you caught. If they were doing what you thought they were doing, the two of them would get back home when the sun started rising.

So, you had plenty of time to make a nest in your hidden corner and masturbate while being surrounded by their scent.

It was really well hidden! Plus, you still had some clothes from earlier today, so the nest would just be cozier, and the smell of them would be even stronger. There really was nothing better than burying your face in their clothes while getting yourself off. It only helped to fuel your dirty desires.

Would they take you at the same time? You were confident that you stretched yourself to take both of them (you are definitely not), even using 3 fingers instead of 2! Surely, they'll both fit. But would they take turns instead? Impossible. They bicker so often that you think one of them will get impatient. And then there comes with that thing humans do. Kissing? You've only ever received forehead kisses from Kaveh, but you wanted more than that. Both men thought they were secret in kissing each other, and even if they weren't, they explained it as a way to share energy even if they both were out of breath afterward.

That was what you wanted. You wanted to give all your energy to them. To be drained until there was nothing left to give, even if they were insistent and shared with you their energy just so they could take it back.

"M-Masters...!" It was a relief that you came before your arm became weak. For some reason, you could only bring yourself to cum twice before your wrist felt numb. Maybe you needed to exercise more, you didn't know. You were still sensitive, so you opted to grind against their clothes to reach another high.

On any other day, you'd feel horrible for getting the clothes of your Masters dirty with your essence (or, as you like to call it, your love for them), but you were upset for always being left out! And they'd always tease you too. Going around the house topless. You have to hold back from pouncing on them and rubbing your nipples against theirs. You've done it before when sleeping on Al-Haitham's chest, but that time was an accident. It felt really good, though...

And the material of their clothes rubbing against them now felt incredible, but you really wanted to feel their hands and bodies against them. To have them pinched and squeezed even though no milk would come out. You heard hybrids can lactate if their nipples are squeezed and sucked periodically, so maybe if you play with them every day, you can give them a nice surprise.

Milk is delicious, after all!

Bringing yourself to the edge for the sixth time, you collasped onto the nest, exhausted from grinding against clothes. At most, you could only last three rounds, but this is an improvement! Humans generally go for seven rounds, so you are really close! But you're so tired... do humans really do it so many times? Their stamina sure is amazing.

You had time before your masters came back, so a nap wouldn't hurt. Plus, you were very hidden in this corner! Even if you overslept, they wouldn't be able to find you. You even threw a blanket over pillows on the couch just in case :) You've seen Kaveh do it, so it'll definitely trick them into thinking you're asleep.

It truly is unfortunate that you think you could outsmart two Akademiya graduates.

Al-Haitham is used to Kaveh's tricks, so he immediately knows you're hiding. You haven't figured out how to unlock the door, and there's even another few locks that you can't reach even if you manage to figure it out. Windows are too complicated to unlock for you, too. It's while he's narrowing down possibilities that Kaveh is calling out for you, thinking you were playing hide and seek, but fell asleep while waiting for them.

Kaveh thinks it's adorable and fun to look for the obvious tail sticking out from behind something. It isn't until Al-Haitham notices some of their clothes sticking out from underneath a table in the corner that he knows where you are and what you've been doing. How could he not? You practically begged them and threw a fit just to keep the table in its spot. It wasn't really hidden, but nobody would notice if someone or something were under it.

Calling over his partner, they looked to see you slumbering on top of their clothes, using their shirts as blankets. It would've been a cutely innocent sight if not for the fact you hadn't cleaned yourself up. "They've used more clothes than usual, but their heat is 3 weeks away.." Al-Haitham gently rubbed the inside of your thigh, causing your body to shift. Kaveh moved some of the shirts aside to see your reddened nipples perked up. He wanted to pinch them, but he settled on flicking one, smiling when you mumbled incoherently and squirmed a bit in your sleep. "Maybe they missed us~ We were out longer this time."

"Because someone can't play cards."

"I'd like to see you beat Cyno in less than 7 rounds!"

Realizing his mistake, both men looked towards you as you shifted. "Masters...." Nuzzling your face into their clothes, you let out a content sigh as their comforting smell seemed to be stronger than usual as if they were beside you.

"My skill is not provoking him. You'd have lost in 4 rounds if you had drank alcohol." This time, Kaveh chose to glare at Al-Haitham. The reason he didn't drink tonight was so that he'd be sober enough to remember being welcomed home by someone much cuter and nicer than the Acting Grand Scribe. But seeing you curled up in a nest of their clothes is definitely better.

Al-Haitham only sighed at the sight. "They took the pants I was going to wear tomorrow this time. I'll have to start hiding clothes I need."

"Wait, you knew they were the reason our clothes ended up in the laundry so often?" Al-Haitham only gave Kaveh a look that screamed, "Was it not obvious?" before rearranging the clothes to cover your entire body so you wouldn't get cold. If you weren't peacefully sleeping right in front of them, Kaveh would have yelled some very mean things at Al-Haitham. But that could wait for another day.

After all, they've left their cute little mouse waiting too long.

[decaydanceredacted]

god also imagining fucking egotistical arma pete. hed totally get off whenever you call him Pete Wentz and not just pete. okay. hear me out. using that against him to make him cum in record time and teasing him for it. OHHH OHHH OHHH Peter . hardcore legend pete wentz couldnt last more than a minute? ohh what a poor boy. sure would be a shame if i told everyone pete wentz couldnt even get me off :( what, are you gonna cry? really? thats kind of pathetic, its not that big a deal. im sure nobody would care. or, at least mostly nobody. im sure yoour sex god reputation will be upheld, its just one slip up- oh? whats that? you wanna go again? i dont know, dude, that was really fucking lame of you. if i didnt know better id think you were a total virgin. i should go, i realllly think chris would love to hear about this as soon as possible… okay, fine, but you better do a good fucking job. makign him eat you out. hes kind of sloppy and not that good but the way he whines when you grab his hair and shove his head into your pussy kind of makes up for it. telling him just how bored youre getting and how you really have other thinjgs to do and he starts trying wayyy harder, maybe he even finds the clit! shockign! im crazy im crazy im crazed. even if he makes you cum you decide to tell people anyways. im sure everyone would be insanely interested in how good he was for you after you were just a bit mean to him. im sure nothing willl come of it. haha dont worry about it. i feel crazy.

.

[transmascissues]

hey, sorry idk if its ok for me to ask for advice here, but im really lost and dont know where else to go.

i might be starting testosterone really soon, (via informed consent) but i keep flipping back and forth on whether or not i'm sure i want it. some days i think, "yes 100% im a man i want T right now" and thinking abt the effects of T makes me euphoric. other days i think, "wait AM i sure tho? what if it turns out i hate it actually" and thinking abt the effects of T on those days makes me anxious and ambivalent.

i think it might be just a fear of change, but i'm not sure, and i'm worried about making a decision i'll regret forever. it doesnt help i keep seeing ppl say things like "you need to be 100% sure you want hrt before u start because going back and forth puts a huge strain on the body" etc, but i dont know if i ever will be 100% sure.

what do you make of this? do i really need to be 100% sure? am i rushing in too fast? or is this just anxiety talking?

i spent years agonizing over if i was really sure that i wanted to start t, and you know what it taught me?

no one is ever 100% sure about anything. it’s an impossible task. that’s just not how people work — you’re always going to find more things to be anxious or unsure about when you think about it because it’s an unknown thing and it’s completely natural to be at least a little unsure of unknown things.

and most of the time, nobody expects you to be 100% sure about big decisions because we all know it’s an unfair expectation. nobody told me i couldn’t go to college because i wasn’t 100% sure where i wanted to go. nobody tells you to never drive anywhere because you’re not 100% sure that the car won’t crash. accepting risk is a part of life. trusting ourselves to make the best decisions we can — and trusting ourselves to be able to handle whatever happens next — is an unavoidable part of life.

the only reason we’re held to that impossible standard of 100% certainty when it comes to medically transitioning is because people are transphobic and they want us to second guess ourselves and put off hormones or surgery out of fear. if everyone waited until they were 100% sure, no one would ever transition, and that’s exactly what they want.

i look at it like this: hormones are like any other medication. you take them because you decide they have a good shot at making your life better even though there’s also a chance they might be ineffective, have bad side effects, or even make things worse in the end. we accept that risk every time we take a medication because we weigh the options and decide the good that could come of them is worth that risk. imagine if doctors only offered medical care to people when they were 100% sure it would work and not have any side effects — they would never do anything at all!

i can’t tell you if hrt is right for you. i can’t tell you if the risk is worth it for you. what i can tell you is that, when i was unsure about what to do, there were two things that made me decide it was worth the risk:

the first is that i knew i wanted to give myself a chance. the idea of going on hormones only to get more dysphoria from it sounded terrifying, but the reality was that i was already living with dysphoria! and the idea of just accepting that because i was afraid to try the thing that could make it better was even more terrifying. at the end of the day, i decided it was better to choose the option that could make things better than it was to just spend the rest of my life wondering if it would’ve helped. the worst case scenario in both choices is dysphoria, so i figured, why not pick the option where the best case scenario is euphoria? i know dysphoria is something i can live with because i’ve been doing it for years, so i felt that i could trust myself to be able to deal with that outcome if it came. i knew it was possible that i would regret it and wish i had never started t, but i also knew i would regret it even more if i went my whole life never having given myself a chance at something better than the dysphoria i already live with. i figured, if i have to take a risk, why not take the one that excites me instead of the one i would just be taking out of fear?

the second is that hormones are fucking slow. there can be some changes that happen fast but for the most part, the changes on t take time to happen fully, and if i wanted even more time i knew i could take a lower dose to slow things down further. it’s not like you just wake up one day with a totally different body — it’s a process, and if at any point in that process you realize you don’t like what’s happening, you can stop! you’re completely in control; the second it starts to feel like it’s making something worse instead of better, you can decide to stop taking it. even with the changes that came quickest for me, i had time to assess as they started happening, and it would’ve been as simple as putting down the syringe and never using it again if i decided i didn’t want those changes to continue.

(and the people who say you can’t start and stop because of the strain on your body are exaggerating — i had to start and stop multiple times because i was having allergic reactions to all of the serums we tried, and i was totally fine. that was never even a concern my nurse brought up to me. i’m sure it’s not ideal to do that constantly, but i don’t think it’s a big thing you have to worry about.)

again, i can’t tell you if starting t is the right move for you. all of this is just how i made that decision for myself; i can’t make yours for you. what i can tell you is that you are more than capable of making a thoughtful and informed decision without being 100% sure. certainty is not a requirement.

and frankly, anyone who tells you they were 100% sure when they made that decision is either lying about it because they feel like they should’ve been totally certain, or they were in a position to make the decision so quickly that it didn’t leave time to mull things over and find things to be unsure of.

which leads me to my final point: if you’re thinking about it this hard and trying to be this meticulous about making the right decision, you’re absolutely not rushing into it. whatever decision you make, you’ve clearly put a lot of thought into it and that’s all anyone can ask of you.

this is your decision, not anyone else’s, and already you have everything you need to make the best decision you possibly can. trust yourself to choose wisely, and trust yourself to be able to handle whatever your choice brings. you got this.

[hugheswritetr]

Stars

MASTERLIST

Heartbeat | Jack Hughes

Author’s note: Theo’s and Quinn’s party era, enjoy ( I do NOT promote underage drinking, but I’m european and 18 is drinking age for us, so I don’t think it’s big deal;) ).

Song: My eyes - Travis Scott

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Thalia’s POV

The stars are the only source of light right now as I’m sitting on the grass, but I’m still feeling fairly calm.

Okay, I’m lying, I’m freaking out.

It’s been a few hours since the phone call. My grandparents called me about the inheritance. Even though my mom is the official care taker of the bussiness now, they still have shares of it. The shares that will go to me once they pass, making me officially own everything.

The thought of this is making me shiver, because once I turn 21, everything will be on my shoulders, and I don’t think im that excited for it.

I am happy to be the heir, don’t get me wrong, I love the hotels, the business had been in my family for years now. My dad loved them dearly, taking care of the whole bussiness since he himself turned 21. It’s tradition at this point, and a beautiful one. But even the beauty of my family’s hard work transformed into the prosperous company is not quieting the doubting questions in my mind.

Will I be able to take good care of it? Will I make him proud?

I know I will not be 21 for a while, but it’s still pretty insane to think about how I will be signing documents for million dollar company and not even having a drink before it.

I’m pulled out of my trance by Jack walking up to me ,,Hey Lils, what are you doing here?” he curiously asks, sitting down beside me.

“ I’m just thinking,, the nickname making my heart race. “About what?,, he pushes, I don’t really want to talk about it so I give him a vague answer “life,, .

Jack, being the person he is, still pushes “ what’s there to think about?”. I sigh, thinking about the harm of telling him, and when I find nothing I answer.

“I’m thinking about the hotel,, I tell him, making him nod. These talks usually happen with Luke, but he is away at some tournament, so Jack it is. “I was on the phone with my grandparents earlier and it kinda made me freak out,,

Jack nodded, urging me to continue. “I just feel scared, you know, I don’t know if I can handle everything,,

“It’s normal to feel scared Lils, but I know you,, he starts “I know that everytime you go somewhere, you have everything organized. I also know that you are one of the kindest people I’ve ever met,, his words making me calmer and calmer.

“And I also know there is a reason you are the heir, I do not have one doubt about you screwing it up, and even if you do screw up, I also know you are not alone ,,

I don’t know if Jack Hughes was motivational speaker in his past life, but his words make me almost ready to inherit it now, take note on the word almost.

I don’t expect him to continue, but he does. “When you were living in New York, you lived in the hotel, right?” he asks.

“Kinda, the hotel had penthouse at the top, that’s where we lived,, I asnwer him making him widen his eyes. “Jesus, I know you are rich, but I kinda forget how rich,,.

“Yeah,, I laugh and then continue ,,If you saw the size of my closet then, you would have constant reminder, I got lost in that thing weekly.” I recall the times when my closet had its own. I kind of miss it, now my shoes have to be stacked up on another shoes. Poor babies.

“Did your mom sell the penthouse ?,, the next question follows. “No, it’s kinda hard to sell, not everybody wants to live on top of a hotel”

“Do YOU want it to be sold ?,, the question catching me off guard, nobody ever asked that. “ I’m not sure, on one side, we don’t live there anymore, but on the other, It’s kind of the last thing I have left of my father, the memories there” the thought of selling the place where my most cherished childhood memories happened brings tears to my eyes.

Jack scoots over, hanging his arm over my shoulder making me lean on him. “You know Lia, it’s totally normal to feel like that, but I also now that the memories are not in the penthouse, but in you”.

“Wow Jack, the pucks to the head did not make you dumber, I’m surprised,, I joke, trying to steer away the conversation because I don’t want to cry infront of him.

It’s like he knows what I’m doing, and he plays along “Shush , I’m very naturally smart, instead of some people,, he emphasizes, and ruffles my hair.

“Oh shut up ,, I laugh and subconciously lean more into him. We sit here, looking at the stars in complete silence, and I think that’s the most peaceful I’ve been this summer.

“The moon is pretty, isn’t it ?,, he asks, pulling me out my trance. Not as pretty as you, I think, but I choose instead to only hum in acknowledgement.

Our peaceful trance is interrupted by our brothers, very drunk brothers. They are stumbling and yelling, we shot up to help them, laughing in the proccess.

“Thalia! What are you doing here?!,, my brother giggles, giggles. I don’t think I ever heard that sound coming from him. “Jacky boyy, you are here too? Hope you are not trying anything,, he tries to raise his eyebrow, but fails miserably at it.

Quinn is not better either, the usually calm brother laughing at us. “Come on man, let’s go home,, Jack says to his older brother, chuckling. He spares the last glance at me “Bye Lia, good luck,, he says, making my brother frown. “Bye Theo, don’t throw up too much,, he says goodbye to my brother too.

“Don’t try me kid !,, Theo screams at him, once again trying to be intimidating but failing. As we walk down the path to our door, his next sentence catches me off guard, “you like him”.

,, I don’t!” I shriek, the attempt at concealing it already failing. He catches on, even drunk, hockey players and their stupid intuition.

I don’t know what’s up with me today, but why is everyone suddenly good at reading me? They should honestly stop, I’ts kinda making me feel uncomfortable.

I’m not even going to try and fight him “It does not matter Theo, he doesn’t see me that way.,,

The next sentence he mutters makes me squirm, wondering what he knows. ,,He will”.

As he finishes his proclamation, we reach the door. I ignore his last words and warn him. “ You have to be quiet now, Mattheo, or I swear to god” I look him dead in the eyes.

“Geez Louise, Okay Okay,, he raises his hands in defending stance. We stumble up the stairs, hopefully not waking anyone in the house, by anyone I mean our mother.

When I open the door, I nearly colapse. My mother is sitting there, on his bed, with knowing look in her eyes. “Well, well, well, where have you been young man?,, she questions, making my brother stand there like deer in headlights.

“ I’m kidding, I already know, maybe try to turn off the location next time,, she continues, making him release a sigh of relief.

“You knew?,, he asks “Of course, we were all young once, and you inherited your fathers non existent talent for sneaking out and in, good night,, she laughs as she leaves the room.

In return we laugh too, Mattheo plops down on his bed and by the time I calm down from laughing, he’s already fast asleep. I sigh, walking out of his room thinking about the blue eyed boy and my apparently transparent adoration for him.

[cryptidmomochi]

did you know?

the insistence by commentary creators on treating children the same way as adults has caused ridiculous amounts of harm.

over and over i would see drama about various artists, and so many of them were just kids. some of them were younger than me, but i didnt know that. i thought they were all much older than me, because that's how they were treated.

"oh this person was a groomer" they were a child. if a child is exhibiting groomer-like tendencies, they don't just get that out of nowhere.

"oh this person pretended to have mental illness or s/h for attention" that is not a thing that normal people do. you look stupid when you say that. just because someone is doing something "for attention" doesn't mean nothing's actually wrong.

"this kid was racist" im from an extremely white, quite cishet, and very able-bodied town (or, at the very least, the town is inaccessible enough that you just don't see that many disabled people, who knows). sometimes you learn bigoted rhetoric, then have to unlearn it. sometimes you say stupid shit because other people around you say that exact stupid shit. kids in particular do not always know better. just because theyre 16 doesn't mean they're exempt from being stupid.

like.

can we stop hatemobbing fucking children. i have at least lingered online for almost 10 years. kids are one of the most likely groups to get harassed, often by adults. im glad i never developed a sizeable following before i turned 18. i wouldnt have been able to handle it either.

but im just shouting to the void, really. commentary creators dont fucking learn. they just hop onto the next bandwagon and ignore it.

do you ever wonder why so many commentary types keep getting into trouble? hopeless peaches, creepshow, daftpina, turkey tom, omnia, prison mate luke, im sure i could think of more given the time and given a little bit more research to track down some old creators i used to watch. good people don't go online and talk about kids like they should be killed. the art commentary community as a whole is rife with toxicity, seemingly always searching for small prey nobody's heard of. I remember a very long time ago there was a "drama" because an artist on deviantart didn't want their art being favourited (they misunderstood what it did) and that was a big enough deal to start making videos about. playlists upon playlists preying on kids being stupid.

if not kids, then any other vulnerable group will do just fine, too. if you remember the "tumblr art style", youll know it had a few main "characteristics"; ambiguous race, hairy legs, character depictions that weren't conventionally attractive, bandaids, s/h scars, drawing the characters with different body types, depictions of mental illnesses and disorders, the works. the "tumblr art style" was, in reality, a dogwhistle. it wasn't about the art. it was about the fact that it wasnt a white, cishet, able-bodied, neurotypical man or woman. that was a topic for a few years. "the problem with the tumblr art style", "tumblr art style cringe", i only knew of tumblr from those types of videos when i was in middle school.

commentary rarely if ever cares about justice. its just another dime in their wallet, and if they have to harass kids to get it, well, that's just fine.

[wwouldvecouldveshouldve]

Hai!! Im not sure if youre still doing your 1k special match up! But if you are id rlly enjoy being matched up with some!! (Also congrats on 1k!! I dont interact w you alot cause i was told about you thru my friend @luvfy0dor btw love them^^ but CONGRATS!!)

-Im alright with being matched with said BSD character(s) in a romantic way!

-My MBTI is ISTP-T

- Im not a big hobby person im usually just sitting around but i really enjoy making silly crafts (such as Kandi bracelets and animals) i also enjoy mystery, romance, and light horror novels/poems! I play all types of video games varying from roblox, genshin, HSR and variants of horror games.

- I talk about just topics that come to mind; most being BSD theories like especially in the newest chpt. I also enjoy talking about my music taste with others which is also an array of sorts which include; Mitski, Mom Jeans, Lana Del Rey, The Smiths, Deftones, Limp Bizkit, ICP, Korn, Flyleaf, blink-182, The Weekend, Taylor Swift, Slipknot, CA$, Laufey, PTV, Rammstein, Radiohead p, System of a Down and more! I also talk a lot about the games i play (i specifically talk about them with friends.)

- I really like REALLY hate self absorbed people that constantly think that everything is about them and nobody else matters at all in their life, only themself. Betrayal is another big one, it doesn’t matter who it is even if me and said person are very close or distant, being betrayed is quite literally a stab in the back. POPULAR? OPINION, I HATE RANPO AND FITZGERALD🙏 something about them being real self centered gives me a big shiver down my spine. Like I appreciate Fitzgerald and his dedication for his wife and dead kid but he kinda fits in with the “self absorbed” category cause why are you gonna try destroying Yokohama for a page, like i get you wanted your daughter back and all but damn. Obsessive people (in a bad obsessive) for example; being obsessed with a real person to the point if they break apart/dont want to be associated with said person anymore they make and say disgusting/sexual and/or inappropriate things about said person that doesnt want to be associated with other person. People with horrible attitude/personality or people that make racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic/incest/stepcest jokes, anyone that fits into that category of gross things is an immediate nightmare and a big red waving flag, you wont catch me anywhere near someone like that.

- My personality is pretty complicated, im really introverted but once you get to know me well id say i change to a real chatter box. At times i can be outgoing but its rare, i can be kind but also ‘aggressive’ at times. Im also pretty scattered brain especially when trying to get my point across to someone. Also again, im very passionate when its coming to certain things.

- This was a bit harder to answer cause most things i do are pretty normal but if it’s specified by the people around me im definitely more unique out of friends/family and people from my town. Specifically just my passion for the things i like, id go above and beyond to defend the things i enjoy. Also i have pretty bad health problems for my age but they are def getting better! So i guess that makes me unique too.

- Im perfectly okay with being matched with a character who commits crimes its not really a big deal to me! Id enjoy all the honest opinions 💗

- Something i value in a person is their personality. I feel like most people say personality but its a real big thing i value. I also value someone’s passion for the things they are interested in. I enjoy when people are passionate with doing/talking about the things they do/want to do. I find it charming when people are confident about that sort of thing. When it comes to personality, i dont want someone who has a bad attitude in general where it’s obvious they have bad intentions. Someone that is caring, kind, charming etc is ideal but i wouldnt mind if they had a slight attitude.

- Something i cant stand in others is when they are over confident or (going back to things i dislike) when they are self absorbed. When i say over confident, thats not me saying i hate people being confident cause i dont, i love when people are confident about themselves/things they like etc. but when it gets to the point of someone saying “im better at (insert activity) than you” or talking down on someone about their looks it crosses so many lines. Nobody should feel like they are better than anymore cause everyone is different in many ways than one. Nobody should be insecure cause of something an over confident person said. With self absorbed people, they kinda just irritate me when they are so self centered that they cant even understand basic human decency.

SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG! PLS TAKE UR TIME WHEN MAKING THIS!! AGAIN, HAPPY 1K HAVE AN AMAZING DAY/EVENING/NIGHT!!! 💗💗

((OMG RAY TOLD YOU ABOUT ME??? I AM PASSING AWAY FROM JOY))

the 1k matchup will be around for a LONG time, don't worry. thank you so much for requesting, I tried to finish this as soon as possible but I go through every single bsd character and see how compatible you are with them so it takes a while.

if I'm being for real, I'm your best matchup. I agreed with EVERY SINGLE THING YOU SAID except I can tolerate self-absorbed people more but it really depends. also, everybody thinks I'm introverted except for my close friends who know how much I will YAP about anything I'm interested in. I am SO passionate about certain things and I LOVE when other people talk about something that they're passionate about even if I've never felt that way about it. also, we look for the same things in people. I can skip over almost everything except for their personality but I don't tend to become close with people who don't have at least a few things that they'd defend til death because they love it so much.

however, for a bsd character, I match you with Akutagawa!!! The brother.

Have you seen how he is with Dazai? He practically worships that man. But you, his lover, are the one thing that is above even Dazai. You are the deity that he devotes his heart and soul to. He doesn't care what the topic is, he will give you his full attention and agree with every opinion. He will even try and research the topics that you love just so he can have deeper conversations with you about it. He would definitely watch all the shows you like. He will learn all the songs to all your favourite musicians and spend his rare time off analyzing them. Learning and loving you is a religion and he is the literal Pope of it. If you're in an argument with someone, even if you're wrong, he will listen to your voice instead of literally everybody else in the room. He is your number one fan, and will support you for everything that you do. He loves that you encourage him getting more into his most random interests. It makes his life happier and it's because of you. You're the reason he gets his lungs checked out often and why he's searching to heal them. He must spend as much time on Earth as possible with you. He would not bat an eye even if you asked him to get on his knees and beg for your love. He would fight wars for you, no questions asked. He's mentally ill, and he's so glad you love him despite the blood on his hands and the wretchedness of his mind and morals. He would love taking you to places, and if anyone begins to ruin your experience there, he will not hesitate to silence them unless you tell him not to. He is your guard dog and constantly worries about you when he's not around. You tell him what you're doing and where you're going before you go there so he does not get worried. Often, he apologizes to you for being so overprotective. He doesn't really like horror games that much, but he will play them if it's for you. He might even get a little scared, so expected him to be a little bit jumpy for a while. He hopes you can understand.

AHAHHAHAHAHAHHA I finally finished one of my requests! Thank you so much for putting something in my askbox dear <33

[juni-ravenhall]

"we dont need all these micro labels for sexuality or gender" yeah, in the same way we dont need the terms "strawberry blond". you could just say blond. or light haired. do we need the word blond at all? you dont need the words "2XL" or "XXS". you could just say really big and really small. do we need the word teal? isnt that just blue or green? or blue-green?

do we need the word bitter? i pretty much just call everything bitter "gross". i dont really use the word bitter much. its not really relevant to me. i never eat bitter things unless i have to. i dont think people are stupid for using the word bitter or that it has no use, though. and its useful to me if someone asks why i dont like other tea than herbal tea and grain tea. it makes it easy to explain the pinpointed reason rather than just saying "gross" or "i dont like it", because then they tell me to add sugar or milk, which doesnt help. being able to say i like herbal tea and i dont like bitter tea is convenient. and really, doesnt seem like a big deal. the term bitter doesnt seem like something anyone would argue. (they will argue to try to get me to try other tea though. gimme a break bitter lovers. i hate coffee too. i hate alcohol too. i prefer plain water a billion times to these things. deal with it. people are different.)

its convenient to be able to pinpoint something close in my clothing size, so having terms like 2XL makes it easier for me to buy clothes. it also helps that those terms have some semi-standardised measurements, some definitions. it gets interpreted differently here and there though. sometimes a 2XL shirt is a bit bigger and sometimes a bit smaller. there are terms like "oversized" or "slim fit" and all kinds of things youre supposed to learn just to be able to buy clothes that fit, even though it seems like a dumb system to me.

im sure its convenient for some people to be able to pinpoint a term for their exact hair colour, its not for me, i dont care what exact tone of dark brown hair i have, but maybe it would be fun to know... just to know the term. not because i need it to survive, but because it might be fun. outside of colour, i could learn more things about my hair too, like if i should actually wash or dry it differently because the strands are fine. or which clothes look good with my hair. it doesnt matter much to me because i often just shave it all off, and im ugly in society's eyes anyway because im 2XL-3XL, so why bother thinking about all that?

however, for a hairdresser, stylist, or model, maybe knowing terms like strawberry blond is really important. maybe knowing the exact hair type and tone and stuff is really helpful to some people in some circumstances. and maybe people who like alcohol think its important to be able to say things like "dry" or "fruity" about their preferences, about things they experience with their senses, about things they think about, about things that matter in their life. maybe having a name for teal matters if thats your favourite colour that makes your face light up when you see it. idk. all these things just dont seem like things anyone would argue about. that you dont need to say hex colour #008080, you could just say blue-green, why do we need all these numbers and words? isnt it unnecessary and stupid and self-obsessed to need to describe how this stupid drink tastes to you? why should i care what you think wine tastes like? who are you? it tastes gross, and nobody needs to ever say anything else about it. people shouldnt be drinking that stuff anyway, its not good for you. it fucks me up that water is being used to produce alcohol while other people are dying from lack of clean water by the way. but you know, be mad about queer terminology while books are being banned, that surely is consistent with other words you get upset about that other people use in other circumstances than queerness.

[emmybrown]

i wanna ramble a little about my picks, so

the clock - i first watched this last december, ans i was completely in love. besides watching the wizard of oz as a kid (and i barely remember it), i wasn't familiar with judy garland's works, so i decided to watch the clock and i was completely in love, not only with her but also with robert walker and this film in general. it's such a great little gem, so earnest and so full of life, it immediately became one of my favorites. i just adore it

rebecca - one of the first classic movies i've watched (i think it was either the third or the fourth?) and it introduced me to laurence olivier, hitchcock, joan fontaine and gothic melodramas, all of which i adore. i feel so strongly about this movie, i can barely put it into words

this gun for hire - i had to include a veronica lake movie, and it had to be this gun for hire. i love noirs, and this one is such a perfect example, so well done, so distinct and so full of yearning, it just stuck to me

wuthering heights - the one movie that really got me obsessed with old hollywood movies!! i loved this so much i felt absolutely sick. merle oberon gave such a brilliant performance, im still mad that she didn't get an oscar nomination for this

the secret garden - i decided i wanted to watch more old hollywood movies starring teen/children actors this year, because i ended up really liking the ones i had already watched, and this one is easily my favorite. it's so beautiful, so well written, and it deals with grief and escapism in such a perfect little way. margaret o'brien was so amazing in this, and she was only 12!

hold back the dawn - one of my all time favorites. it stars three of my favorite people: paulette goddard, olivia de havilland and charles boyer. i am absolutely obsessed with him now, and this movie definitely contributed to it, but it was really olivia that made me fall in love with it. she breathed life into her role, and i rarely see anything quite like it. and the romance between her and charles boyer's character? outstanding. i rewatch their honeymoon scenes all the time. everytime i watch this movie i fall more in love with these three

hangover square - another favorite noir of mine! i watched this for linda darnell, but really, it's laird cregar's movie. linda is one my favourites, and she knew how to play a femme fatale like nobody else, but laird cregar gave one of the best male perfomances of the 40s in this (probably only behind jimmy stewart in it's a wonderful life for me). it blew my fucking mind. the last 30 minutes or so of this are out of this world. laird dying so soon after this was completed is a big tragedy to me, i would have loved to see more of his perfomances

ninotchka - i haven't rewatched this in a while so i cant tell for sure, but i remember ninotchka so fondly, it's almost becoming my favorite screwball comedy (and i absolutely love screwballs, probably my favorite genre). it's hilarious, but it goes above and beyond that. it's lubitsch, garbo and melvyn douglas at their very best. i just adore it

princess o'rourke - another screwball! this one is a little gem, one that i was very surprised to love this much. olivia and bob cummings are so charming in this, i dont really have that much to say about it. it's just very cute, very funny, very romantic and a joy. it has its flaws, but it's just so enjoyable that it's hard to care

history is made at night - my all time favorite. favorite actor, favorite actress and borzage, who is quickly becoming my favorite director, together. absolutely masterpiece. this movie has a crazy plot, but everything works so well together that it's hard to care. it's such a magical movie, that ties romance, comedy, murder and even a big tragedy in such a seamless way. charles boyer and jean arthur have amazing chemistry, it absolutely kills me that they never made more movies together. i could talk about this movie forever, but people really should just watch it, because it's impossible to explain it till you see it with your own eyes.

i was tagged by @norashelley (thank you!!) to share 10 movies that i love. not necessarily my top 10, but just some movies that have been on my mind lately

tagging: @dreaminginsteadofsleeping42 @wickeddarlings @femmehepbvrn @mariongayvies @gretagarbos @pepperonys @myrnaloysnose @carygrantsbeard @vampyrgender @downton-not-downtown-smh

[drpeppertummy]

You posted giuliana she had become my fav so

Be uncomfortably hungry or uncomfortably full?

Have a comfortable but very obviously bloated belly, or a visually inconspicuous belly that aches badly?

Endure a sore, too-tight stomach or a queasy, nauseous stomach?

Have somebody notice their discomfort or have nobody notice?

Pop a button in front of others or burp loudly in front of others?

Have their belly rubbed or have somebody hold their hands on their belly?

Have their shirt be too snug on their full belly or their pants?

Be burpy or hiccupy after overeating?

Have a noisy belly when they're hungry or when they're full?

Be tasked with consuming too much liquid or too much food?

Have to do physical labor on an empty stomach or an uncomfortably full stomach?

Be praised or teased for overeating? (In a kinky way or a casual way, up to you)

Sleep off an achy belly alone or stay awake while somebody comforts them?

Have someone fuss over them when their belly hurts or be left alone?

I'm sorry for all the questions I just absolutely love her

ououiuouiui Thank Youuuu i will do my damnedest [under cut bc long post]

Be uncomfortably hungry or uncomfortably full? - probably full. its still uncomfortable but at least shes not all hangry & headachy

Have a comfortable but very obviously bloated belly, or a visually inconspicuous belly that aches badly? - obvious bloat. she doesnt care much about appearance & while she doesnt necessarily want a big distended tummy on full display she would take it over discomfort

Endure a sore, too-tight stomach or a queasy, nauseous stomach? - too tight. she cant Stand nausea

Have somebody notice their discomfort or have nobody notice? - she would prefer it if nobody noticed shes def one to be like Dont Look At Me Im Fine😤🫵

Pop a button in front of others or burp loudly in front of others? - burp 4 sure. she doesnt go out of her way to be nasty but she really care about burping its no big deal

Have their belly rubbed or have somebody hold their hands on their belly? - i think she would prefer just having still hands on her belly. nice warm comfort. soothing

Have their shirt be too snug on their full belly or their pants? - shirt. less uncomfortable than pants. although her shirts tend to be on the looser side so to have it become snug would mean a Very Bloated Tummy

Be burpy or hiccupy after overeating? - def burpy. hiccups irritate her. at least burps can Kinda be controlled

Have a noisy belly when they're hungry or when they're full? - probably full, although i dont see her caring too much either way about the sound & caring more about not being hungry anymore

Be tasked with consuming too much liquid or too much food? - probably food. she has a pretty good capacity & she likes to eat

Have to do physical labor on an empty stomach or an uncomfortably full stomach? - i think if its not for too long she would go empty bc full tummy would hurt, but if it was gonna be a long stretch she would pick full bc full is only gonna get better whereas empty is only gonna get worse

Be praised or teased for overeating? (In a kinky way or a casual way, up to you) - honestly? i have no idea. i think it comes down to the specific phrasing thats used. something really casual & not over the top like "dam you really put that away" (praising Or teasing tone) would be fine but i think it would be a fine line to offputting for her

Sleep off an achy belly alone or stay awake while somebody comforts them? - i think she would rather just sleep it off & be done with it

Have someone fuss over them when their belly hurts or be left alone? - she doesnt like Too Much Fussing but i dont think she minds if someone whos particularly close to her gives her a little extra care (have been pondering who that would be. may have to make her a colleague)

[dballzposting]

How much do you think Trunks missed Goten during GT?

He was up there in space and he didnt want to be a downer so he never said it outloud but occasionally while he was steering the ship for long periods of time in complete solitude he would think about how if they failed then the earth and the whole universe would be fucked and before their imminent demise he would have to live with Goku and Pan on some planet somewhere, or die early trying to fight whatever beast was inevitably coming their way. And well that thought just sort of sucked.

He missed everybody and everything but he missed Goten specifically in the way that cool shit would happen and he had nobody to tell it to :( he couldnt just pull out his phone and be like "Hey Goten. Youre never gonna believe this. There was this frog guy and he tried to marry me. Yeah MARRY ME. Yeah I had to dress up as a bride but it was okay because it spared a real woman from an arranged marriage with that big green thing. Yeah it was righteous of me. Yeah and then we got a dragon ball and then this OTHER GUY SHOWED UP and STOLE IT. Yeah and now we're chasing those guys. Yeah uh huh. yeah I'll let them know you said that. Yeah for sure. Okay. Take care. Bye man."

Again he didnt want to be a downer but he really missed the little things about home .... all the room to walk around in .... the nice meals ..... the sound of his mother tinkering in one of the many garages .... the sound of his father fucking shit up in the gravity chamber ..... the peace of his office (which he normally hated).... his sister's stupid Nintendogs game that she always played at full volume .....the way that he could exist without being subjected to a gas leak all day..... The sound of Goten pissing really hard in the urinal next to him (with his pants on the floor ass fully bare) and he would piss so hard that it was to the point where Trunks would often take the next urinal down becasue he was afraid of splashback .... sighhhhh.

Anyway he makes a best friend out of Giru so it's not a big deal. He comes home and is like "Hey Goten meet my new best friend" and Goten is like "haha you mean like your SPACE Best Friend right? Like the guy who is your best friend when youre space traveling but not all the time right....Your spaceship buddy right" and Trunks is like "Nope. This is my new best friend Giru :D" and then he kisses the robot deeply and with passion on its glass face and Goten is flooded with a toxic amount of jealousy so fast that his muscles and bones begin to melt and he starts shaking and he goes "haha well gimme a minute i gotta go blast ass real quick...i'll be back..." and then he runs to the bathroom and pukes his guts out.

Later he assumes that it was all a misunderstanding so he goes to talk to Trunks again and he overhears him talking to the robot and Trunks says "Youre a much better best friend than Goten. You dont pee or spit at me and you never smell like dog food. You only smell like metal and burning wires and sometimes chrome polish, and I'm into it. And you're quiet when you sleep and you actually listen to me when I talk. Also, you've forgiven me for when I had space madness and I kept trying to breastfeed you. If that were Goten instead he never would have let me live it down. He would probably keep trying to get me to do it again honestly. And honestly Giru, I would do that again for you because I have fond memories. And I love that you eat the spare nuts and screws and wires that end up at the bottom of my bags and on my floors because I dont know what to do with them otherwise. You're a real friend Giru. I love you" and again Goten has to run and limp and fall down the hall to throw up in the Capsule Corp shitters.

and idk maybe they make up. Maybe Trunks is like “Im sorry Goten I was wrong. I miss you and all of your weird smells. I miss how your flesh is fleshy and notably not metallic and how it’s wet but sometimes it’s dry instead. And I miss how you would make me do fun things with you rather than let me work on machines all day. You know Giru really just sat on my desk and watched me file papers all of Thursday and I hated it. And I miss peeing at the urinal with you. Giru doesnt pee. GIRU DOESNT PEE ! I miss you man. I’m sorry”

um this isnt what you were asking about...

[groovy-gate]

Vent Post

This one isnt gonna be as graphic as the last one

I found myself thinking about my gruncle (my grandpas brother) and how he had had a degree of intellectual disability. Apparently he got a really bad fever as a kid and it sort of fried his brain. He owed a candy shop and overcharged everybody. His candy store was a unofficial historical landmark in the town he lived in with his sister (wont be talking about her because that is a whole separate topic that needs its own post). I hated visiting him, but after Hurricane Maria he got really sick. He'd been a smoker for a good chunk of his life and it led to him developing throat cancer. I was studying nursing at the time so I effectively became his personal nurse. I had already been a nurse to my paternal grandma a few months before (another thing that needs its own post because seeing brain cancer destroy her forever changed me and killed my ambitions to be a nurse) and had to see her die a slow, unfair and cruel death so I was past my breaking point. But he was family and I was raised watching as my parents sacrificed their own wellbeing to deal with family issues so I of course had to do the same thing.

I resented him and I was cold to him, but I knew that his tantrums and baggage wasnt his fault. He had been delt a shitty hand and had to live with it. I wanted him to die already a sentiment I also began to feel towards my paternal grandpa. I had moved in with him and was basically taking care of him along with my dad.

Im just going on tangents at this point, I want to get to the main point I wanted to get across. After hurricane Maria my life went to shit and its never recovered. i try and try to get better, but I dont think I can, at least not by myself. Im gathering energy to finally see a psycologist but its a slow process that im hoping these posts will help with.

To wrap up the story about my gruncle, we ended up putting him in a nursing home after he got a tracheotomy. He had to breath through a tube in his neck and I was the only one that bothered to clean it when it got plugged up with mucus. Each visit to the nursing home, I knew I would have to do this because none of the nurses there gave a shit. I last saw him before my big move. About a month later he was dead, apparently he died in his sleep. Im pretty sure he died from asphyxiation because nobody cleaned the tube. I know its not my fault but I cant help but blame myself for not making sure that simple process was taken care off.

[upagainstthesunset]

Last rb got me thinking about how Metron is written. In his first appearance Orion outright slanders him to his face, which sets the tone for how readers will see him. Immediately it's established that he lacks empathy or feelings and is more like machines. Orion is somewhat hostile, but doesn't fight him or really do much more than throw insults. Plus, Highfather summoned Metron and includes him when communicating with the Source. So Metron is not an enemy, and is at least esteemed enough to be shown as an important player to our good guys, whether they like it or not.

And he himself makes it clear he cares only for knowledge. But then he immediately gets involved and interrupts Orion's fight w Kalibak. So i mean, seems like maybe he's driven to do more than just what he says. Im a big proponent of Metron as a character saying and doing two different things, but im not sure if I've absorbed that from other depictions.

Then he's shown with a young child flying around and observing creatures and space! Imo not what youd expect from someone as cold as Orion seems to think, and certainly not what a villain would do. This is Esak, and ive gone on tangents about him before, so all im going to mention now is that he's shown as innocent and full of ideals. Interesting to put him alongside Metron! I dont know if Kirby already had Esak's downfall in mind at the time, but the intent would vastly change how this dynamic is interpreted. But since i dont think we have that information, im going to go with Hunger Dogs coming later and for the time, Esak's innocence as a way to show that Metron is not evil. There is good in him.

But then the past is revealed. After we are feeling more comfortable with the primary players, that's when we're hit with flashbacks. Metron makes a deal with Darkseid for the x-element and ingratiates himself to Heggra. Its clear he'd do ANYTHING to get the key that unlocks a path to near infinite knowledge. He puts technology above all else, knowing that many will die, and thats exactly what happened. This was such an impactful part of the history between New Genesis and Apokolips that i think its what stuck with many future writers, leading them to depict Metron as more of a villain, bc nobody good would ever do such a thing. And i could debate whether or not hes true neutral (i dont think he is) but im not getting into that now. The point that im getting to is that the interpretation that makes the most sense for the scenario and fitting his character is the amount of selfishness and egoism in his action. I think the sacrifice was equal to what he gained, but the lives of others werent his to sacrifice and thats the problem. All very interesting to think about.

Side note that #22 in Evanier's run digs more into this, which is fascinating since he had worked directly with Kirby on the original Fourth World titles. Makes me wonder about what went into his writing.

I feel like there was another topic i wanted to address but now i cant remember, so i leave it for next time. I dont think im saying anything new or revolutionary here. Just rolling things over in my mind. I love thinking about character motivations through the lens of what the author wanted us to feel, so anyone out there feel free to chime in if youve got your own interpretations.

[pinnithin]

work got me down as usual so i gotta ramble

a master sergeant who works in my flight apologized to me yesterday for something i didnt even take offense to. long story but its annual award season so a lot of our time right now is spent workshopping the award packages from our squadron so they'll be competitive at the wing level. and this guy wrote one for an airman who'd done really well this year, but due to a misunderstanding it looked like he'd plagiarized the previous year's, and we discovered this in the middle of the meeting in front of the other flights and it just kinda made us look dickish.

anyway, i didn't really care, because i didnt do it. felt bad for the airman but she'd earned a pretty significant early promotion like a week prior so it was probably fine if the award got tossed (it didnt - they let us rework and resubmit it). but in the end nobody died, nobody got hurt, whatever. it wasted like 3 hours of everyone's time but we're salaried so its not that big of a deal. the master sergeant in question was not present at this meeting to defend himself, but my superintendent called him to give him a piece of his mind because he made us look like assholes in front of the other flights. i didnt get into it because i didnt really care.

this week rolls around, the guy catches me to apologize and explain that it was a mistake and he thought he was copying valid bullets from past awards (common practice - theres only so many ways you can explain that a guy inventoried a warehouse real good). he told me he felt like shit all weekend because of it and he dreaded coming to work this week after "putting us through that" in front of the squadron. and i was like, man. thats a really small silly thing to feel like shit over.

and i was all "man its okay, they let us resubmit it, mistakes happen, nobody got hurt etc etc" and he was like no but you still had to defend your reputations in front of the other flights and my mistake put you in that situation and i was like, really? thats what youre upset about? MY reputation? you realize i dont care what any of these people think about me, right? and i didn't even make the mistake - that was you! and if people think im a jackass because one of my guys made a mistake that was easily fixable then thats their problem. there are way more important things to worry about.

he looked relieved and then got really quiet and was like, how are you like that?

like what?

how do you just let this stuff go all the time? i beat myself up all weekend over this and youre just... fine about it?

this isn't the first time someones asked me this, albeit more casually like "youre so chill LT i wish i was as chill as you" yknow but he seemed like genuinely concerned and i had to pause for a second before being like. therapy? its therapy. im like this because im in therapy.

i mean its also the constant exhaustion and being jaded and desensitized to this hellish war machine, but i can cope a hell of a lot better with it. i have to actively work at it to maintain a healthy mindset or ill go berserk. this is not my natural state i had to build this.

this guy is ten years older than me, has been in the air force for, i wanna say 13 years? crippled with anxiety and guilt over, what, embarrassing (not really) his boss? i just felt so fucking bad for him.

and theres so many people here who are like him, who hold themselves to these impossible standards because of the weird mind games this brutal industry puts everyone through. i have met more people with work induced neuroses in the three years here than ive ever seen anywhere else in my life, and im sure i have a collection of my own that im blind to as well. this job is merciless and will grind you into dust with no remorse if it means making the jets fly faster.

like, duh, its the military, what did you expect. obviously working for the business that kills people will mess you up. but it still sucks, right? ive met really good people here who have been irreparably damaged in their service and they wont even get help because theyre too afraid to damage their career in the job that hurt them in the first place. it sucks. it sucks to see.

not just people who've been here a long time, literally everyone i know here deals with some kind of trauma (mild though it may be for some of the newer kids, youre still getting shipped away from your family and everything you know for a job you might not even like, in a cruel profession, and thatll upset anyone just a little at least). i know people who've been here 3 months who are like this is the lowest ive ever felt. i know people who are 3 months from retirement who are like i put my life into this job and all it did was chew me up and spit me out.

once again. military. it should be obvious. i can still be sad about it though i think. maybe nobody whos a good person voluntarily joins the military, so maybe we all kind of deserve it, but i think we're still allowed to be kind of upset about it.

i have one year left. i have complicated feelings about it. ive also been irreparably damaged here, but at the same time im at the point where i really like the person i am and i would not be that person without having to go through the fucking pits of hell in this shitty ass job. i know part of it is because of my own efforts to unfuck myself after i got horribly fucked over and had a nervous breakdown in mid 2021, but now i kind of have that point of reference to ground me? like anything i do from now on has never been as hard as that part of my life was. and i dont think i would have taken therapy and recovery as seriously if i wasn't dealing with ptsd. so i dunno.

im not sure where im going with this its just like. fuck this place. fuck this fucking job. i only care about the people ive met here and i feel like im abandoning them by getting out next year, but if i stay inside a burning house i'll die too yknow

[chryblossomjjk]

omg kiki!!! this is like mad random but I need ur help. I remember u posted ab ur hair journey and I’m rlly curious ab what u did to help it!!! I’m malaysian and I grew up with THICK and voluminous hair but since I started wearing a hijab like six yrs ago my hair starting thinning bc I stopped taking care of it 😞 do u have any tips or recs to help ??? I’m lowkey starting to lose my confidence (even tho nobody can see my hair rlly lmfaooo) and I miss having a lot of hair lol. ofc only share if ur comfy!!! I just rlly appreciated you for sharing ur story w us!!!

p.s I literally luv u sm, ur work is amazing and all around u just seem like such a lovely person ok bye thx ILY <3 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

omg hi friend! i completely get how you feel. hair is such a huge part of your identity and losing it is genuinely traumatic! im so sorry you’re dealing with this! i can definitely share what ive done but pls know that im not like a health professional or anything and all of this is anecdotal! 💗

so one of the reasons i lost a lot of hair was bc i have pcos. i started taking medicine which im sure has contributed to the regrowth. but it doesn’t sound like yours is hormonal so i think probably the other methods could work well for you!!

1. i started taking biotin 10000 mcg (this was not prescribed, i just got the supplement from amazon. ik its just a supplement but pls be careful n take all of my advice with a grain of salt ily 🥺)

2. i only wash my hair about once a week, which really helped with breakage. i have v thick coarse hair, like you, and washing it too frequently definitely leads to dryness and breakage. thas no no >:( i also don’t really brush it that often, but that’s partially bc i have type 3 hair and brushing it out makes me look like i got electrocuted lol. but either way, being v careful when u brush, like starting bottom to top, can also help w breakage!

3. before i wash it, i massage mielle rosemary mint hair oil all over my scalp and let it sit for three hours. rosemary is a dht blocker and helps with the circulation in ur scalp and stuff.

4. when i wash my hair, i use one of these lil things w my shampoo bc it also increases the circulation

5. every night i use a few drops of the ordinary hair serum on the areas where i lost the most like my temple area

i know a lot of people have had success with rogaine aswell. i havent tried it bc it could possibly make another symptom of pcos worse, but ive heard a lot of great things about it! could be worth looking into!

also diet is a huge one too.without going into too much detail, my diet also really contributed to hair loss. so eating enough is a big one and ik protein and healthy fats helps you grow stronger hair, so maybe trying to incorporate more of those could possibly help!! wishing you the best of luck! feel free to reach out to me if you ever want to talk more about it! i know how heartbreaking it is so im here if you need anything 💗

[faggotsonic]

SHADOW

HI IM BACK I was splatting with my brother :) SHADOW (THE HEDGEHOG)

Sexuality Headcanon: this hedgehog is gay. he is gay I think out of all the sonic characters this is the sexuality headcanon i am most 100% solid and sure on. that hedgehog is gay

Gender Headcanon: OH NONBINARY 1000000% Perhaps even agender Idk he is also figuring it out because he's from 50 years ago and just woke up and learned about all this like months ago. But this hedgehog has never given a fuck about being part of any gender binary and he doesnt have it all figured out but he knows that not being a boy or a girl has felt more him than anything before and he's awesome basically

A ship I have with said character: well I've mentioned in the sonic post that I do like s/nkn/xadow and thinks that when actually written true to their characters they have a lot of interesting dynamics that could say a lot about each other. but nobody is normal about them and actually writes them as Them so instead everytime i see the respective ships i get annoyed. but also its not that big of a deal. anyways kn/xadow in particular has so much potential like god when you are the last of your kind and have no surviving family and you have been easily manipulated by bad people into being tools for them and you'd think that'd be a unique experience nobody could relate to but actually he gets it. He understands what its like having a past you still dont know all about and desperately wanting to know what your here for, what you exist for-- and youre both slowly figuring it out. together. anyways

A BROTP I have with said character: I already talked about it but godddd shadow and rouge and just team dark as a whole. when he woke up he pretty much had nothing and nobody left for himself even the whole planet has moved on from him but then he makes his first like close relationships again with team dark and they mean. so so much to him. Like they Know but also they dont know just how important to him they are, to have people once again he can trust wholeheartedly to be there for him when he falls and he will be there for them too. OH I FORGOT TO MENTION HIM AND TAILS TOO. he's like the awkward cool and quiet older brother that just kinda slowly happened because tails needed some of his assistance on an experiment and then the moment shadow showed that he was following a lot of the tech talk and even giving his own thoughts back well it was over. theyre nerds and talk about nerd things now every time shadow visits and hold a lot of respect and admiration for the other. they think the other is so cool, basically.

A NOTP I have with said character: Well sh/douge obviously but also sh/dria like FUCKING S TOP THATS HIS FUCKING SISTER. Also even if she wasn't like making that relationship out to be romantic just cheapens the whole thing so much and just feels like bad writing and one of those things where people cannot see that a "boy" can girl deeply about a girl without it being a romantic thing. theyre siblings and best friends shut the fuck up!!!!!

A random headcanon: oh god how do i choose. this is going to get long im putting the rest under a read more

well I think his favorite pastimes are working on his silly motorcycle, taking care of his like 10 chao, reading and listening to music.... he doesnt relax much but he likes to read about flora and fauna a lot i think... As well as different modern science books I think living on the ark has made him a science nerd and he wants to catch up on what he's missed in those 50 years.... I also talked about this in call but I think everyone should know that Shadow very much has a sweet tooth I think. There really wasn't many Sweet food in the ark so its all a very new experience for him and he likes stuff like cheesecake and ice cream so much. I also think at the same time he is a pickier eater than most mobians especially when it comes to more unconventional foods like insects. He may be a hedgehog but he grew up on human food and human food standards he sees rouge putting like mealworms in her salad or something and he looks at her like she's insane. sonic offers him crickets and he makes the excalibur face. Also lets throw in another headcanon for funsies but I think shadow kind of has an interesting detachment, almost, to his past self. he remembers most of his past now, and very much still holds the same attachments and love for gerald and maria and to his home, but what I mean is like. His personality, perspective, outlook... they were Different back then, and between the repeated memory loss and all of the trauma he almost feels himself to be a separate person from the shadow of 50 years ago. for any aitsf mutuals think like date but on a less extreme level. Anyways this stuff doesn't come up too much cause there really isn't anyone left who knew him 50 years ago, but lets say something like in the comics happened where he got to see maria again for a temporary time. She would talk to him and want to spend time with him the same way she did 50 years ago but I think he'd realize the Shadow she's seeing is not the Shadow he is. Or at least, not what he thinks he is. does that make sense.

General opinion on said character: he is the coolest character in the world hes so awesome and silly and i care so much about him shadow has always been my favorite character even when i was little so ysee i think about him lots.