#or is it that im worried theres no where to progress from there?

[analyticalangelsheart]

i had a dream last night where i was handed one of the things i wanted most and i… ran away? i was so scared and ashamed that i ran and hid.

i wasnt gonna say anything about it but im like so perplexed that ive been thinking about it all day.

what about it was so scary.

why arent i scared now.

am i? scared now?

it wasnt exactly fear either. thats just the closest word i can think of.

what the fuck i cant get this out of my head

[svechnikovvv]

ever since toronto (1)

series masterlist: here

y/n.drysdale

liked by jamie.drysdale and others

y/n.drysdale off season (:

view comments

jamie.drysdale who is this? what’s his name, address, social security number, license plate number, etc 🤨

y/n.drysdale this is why charlie is the better brother 😊

jamie.drysdale he’s what? 🧏‍♂️

y/n.drysdale jamie, we’ve told you to replace the batteries in your hearing aids dozen of times 🤦‍♀️

jamie.drysdale free sister for sale, who wants her?

y/n.drysdale i’m older than you, you can’t sell me🙄

jamie.drysdale not right now you’re not.

trevorzegras i’ll take her 🙋‍♂️

jamie.drysdale i’ll hose you down, trevor. i told you to stop hitting on my older sister

trevorzegras seniority rules and i’m older than you, so you’re not the boss of me. y/n, im all yours (;

y/n.drysdale i hate to burst your bubble, trevorzegras, but contradictory to mrs beyoncé, im not a single lady

trevorzegras WHAT??? MY LIFE IS CRUSHED. how will i ever cope with my juliet being stolen from me 😔

y/n.drysdale go do a money spread

trevorzegras all i have are ones right now

y/n.drysdale go show off your george washington’s🙏

jackhughes 😧😧

y/n.drysdale shhhh

jamie.drysdale noooo. hughes, you know something so share with the class. we’re all waiting

jackhughes I PLEAD THE FIFTH (was that good y/n?)

y/n.drysdale perfect hughesy. just like we rehearsed

jackhughes mom will be so proud

jamie.drysdale STOP SWITCHING SUBJECTS. JACKSON, WHO IS MY SISTER DATING???

jackhughes it says i cant share secrets in the bestfriend contract

jamie.drysdale theres a contract now??

y/n.drysdale there’s always been a contract 🙄

trevorzegras it’s rule #3 in the contract to not share secrets

jamie.drysdale YOU SIGNED IT TOO????

trevorzegras duh

lhughes_06 🫣🫣

jamie.drysdale you hughes’ and your stupid cryptic messages

y/n.drysdale you’re just mad i told them before you 🙄

jamie.drysdale does trevor know who it is too??

y/n.drysdale no ofc not

trevorzegras HEY

y/n.drysdale sorry zegras

jamie.drysdale i feel somewhat better now

y/n.drysdale anyways, soon lukey. soon.

trevorzegras this is almost as exciting as a face reveal

jamie.drysdale you embarrass me so much, i’m locking you out trevorzegras

user1 these conversations are such comedy gold 😭

user2 i love the drysdale siblings

user3 WHO IS THAT MAN AND WHY DON’T WE KNOW WHO IT IS???

user4 i feel like we need to see the bestfriend contract rules now

user5 it’s so not bestie like of you to gatekeep your man

y/n.drysdale soon 🤞

_quinnhughes the dog is adorable

y/n.drysdale thanks q. still gotta decide a name for him

_quinnhughes should name him thor

y/n.drysdale YOU GENIUS

jackhughes don’t inflate his ego

jamie.drysdale quintin, do you know who my beloved, amazing, (insert more adjectives here), sister is dating?

_quinnhughes nope

jamie.drysdale there goes my only hope

colecaufield DOG!!!

y/n.drysdale he said his first words 🥹 let me grab my camera and take a picture for the album

_alexturcotte who is this mystery man???

y/n.drysdale a woman never reveals her secrets

_alexturcotte pretty sure it’s a magician, but okay

y/n.drysdale pretty sure it’s not, but okay!

user6 the dog >>>

liked by y/n.drysdale

user7 is nobody paying attention to the caption??

user8 time to do some instagram digging to find out who he is

masonmctavish23 where was my invite? 😧

y/n.drysdale got lost in the post. sorry big mac

masonmctavish23 i see where loyalties lie 😔💔

y/n.drysdale you’re still my favorite canadian, don’t worry

jamie.drysdale what?

y/n.drysdale keep scrolling, this isn’t about you

johngibson36 they grow up so fast (‘: soon you’ll be married with two dogs

y/n.drysdale love you too dad!

a/n: first part 🤭 the plot will progress the further we get going, trust

tags: @jackhues @jackhughesily @nowandkei @starsandhughes @jhughesl0v3r

[mikodrawnnarratives]

I'm soooo interested in the possibilities for Post Loops Siffrin since theres a ton to explore in how they and his family deal with the aftermath of All That

First off, bumps in the road to getting healthier since progress isn't linear. Siffrin trying but sometimes failing to keep in mind the lessons he learned.

Having so many loops doing the same thing over and over, I love the idea of him sometimes falling back into habits of making a script for themself to follow daily when things get too samey. Like certain times of the day go by so similarly that they zone out from time to time, even unintentionally

It would take his family members to realize when he falls into habits like these, and taking efforts to minimize their ability to do that without reminders. Like, small things like making sure to change things up everyday in a certain amount so following a Script isn't as simple to categorize things happening around him as You've Seen This Before

I really hope Siffrin starts journaling at some point Post Loops cuz honestly, if they don't got a therapist (i don't even know how any therapist could tackle that enbie's issues) and they don't talk about the things that happened in the loops, I'd hope they at least have one way to get it out in a healthy manner. I'd imagine they wouldn't want to forget more of the loops, even tho they were traumatic, seeing as Forgetting is so distressing to em. I also can't imagine anyone would be okay with forgetting that kind of experience after it consumes so much of ur life.

And I also like to think about how Siffrin handles not dying so frequently. Like, them using the dagger after a certain point feels good to them, they've gotten used to it. Imagine how chilling that must be to deal with as he recovers. Going between "oh i miss that relief" to "why do i miss that relief oh stars i don't want to leave my family :((" and on some bad days im sure he'd struggle with suicidal ideation, and those issues probably would make any self harming habits just. ohh so much worse given they might turn to that for relief if their family members don't keep good enough eye on their access to sharp objects when vulnerable. Now that i think about it, it would be really endearing to see their family helping them find alternatives, like drawing on themself or rubberband methods, whenever possible

How his family approaches it in general is also has a lot of goodies in terms of possibilities. I really like fics when Siff is really nervous to accept help but still gets it in the end. Like he struggles but in the end his family is still there. oohh I especially love Odile and Siff fics they are so endearing to me

I need to find more fics that focus on Siff when he's dealing with other factors of not being in the loops anymore too! Like changing out of his clothes he's had to have for xyz amount of loops! Dealing with food, anything from struggling with bananas and not liking his favorite food anymore to remembering how much he STARVED during the loops and getting underlying worry about it happening again. They still eat their food quickly, even if they feel content. Having irrational worries about "what if it happens again and i don't have enough food what if I starve again"

Hopefully this would be something he could talk about with his family and it would be SO quickly followed up by Bonnie exclaiming that they'll cook all the food they want for him if that happens. Never going hungry again on their watch! And if Siff gets any hoarding issues in this scenario, ✨snack cabinets!✨

oohh def snack cabinets or in general stashes would be so sweet, ones that they can access at any point. Their family does their best to keep it stocked to ease their worries

And there are a ton of other scenarios that would address how the loops fucked him up, followed by family members finding out + helping

I also need to find more fics where they are just cuddling too. Cuddles, helping Sick Siff, stuff where Siff is shy to accept help but god the others will make SURE he rests accordingly!

[frogletscribe]

A:FoP Sky Breaker DLC Thoughts...

Alright so i finished the main story of the DLC and have let my thoughts cook for a minute. This is just some of my thoughts/opinions overall. I will have to do a separate post for my more intense thoughts because I managed to actually hit the character limit and I wasn't even halfway through everything (i didn't even know tumblr had one of those and I've been on here for over a decade)

Spoilers for Avatar: Frontiers of Pandora Sky Breaker DLC under the cut.

The opening? Gorgeous. Amazing. Fantastic. Obsessed with the little cut scene of our Sarentu on their Ikran. I am in love. I was really pleasantly surprised to see Kin right off the bat too! Thats my grandpa, i love him! And then walking with the Zakru and getting to hear other NPCs talking was really nice. I loved the banter about So'lek.

Getting into the main games camp was visually very pretty but confusing. I got lost immediately (distracted by the wandering Zakru) and accidently came in from the back? and then proceeded to not be able to find anything or anyone. I kept getting turned around and winding up back with Etuwa and Ka'nat. I did eventually find everyone else but it was a struggle.

Was Eetu only there at the very start??? He was hanging out with So'lek and having a very cute banter and then as everything progress he completely disappeared. Sosul too for that matter. It made me a little worried when he wasn't there after a while bc it felt like almost all the other key npcs got at least a small cameo in other quests but not Eetu? I got paranoid he died but also i think hes an important enough NPC that someone else would have said something if that was the case. I guess i just wanted more of him in general. (Im biased/delusional and ship him with my Sarentu, i will take literally anything)

Theres also a smaller moment, walking around where Teylan calls and starts talking about Nor, about how he would have loved the games, that really got me. For a second i actually thought Nor might come back later in the story, but given how things went it makes sense that he wouldnt. I do really hope that Nor shows up in the next DLC because I really need closure for him. He deserves to see and be a part of what his fellow Sarentu are building and to heal from all the hurt he has been through.

Can the Zeswa PLEASE catch a break? 😭 First the arches are collapsed, then Pasuk, now this?? I need this to be the last big bad thing that happens to them for a while.

More So'lek all the time please! I love him. I loved his role in the over all story and how he helps us throughout the final mission. He is the reason i am desperate for a romance in this game, but i can't have that so i'll just have to write it myself fhdjskghfs

I will be making a separate post about my thoughts on everything with Alma and Mokasa.

With the last of TAP (more or less) gone now, I'm really curious about the next DLC and the general future of Frontiers. Secrets of the Spires comes out in Fall, which is rapidly approaching, but i doubt we will hear anything until like September at the earliest. I think I remember hearing about a new clan in the new area for that one?? (Could be wrong though) Im really curious what the plot for that one is gonna be now that Mercer and Harding are gone.

Hopefully we will see Nor again. I'm kinda also hoping for a movie cameo? like Norm or Max showing up? We got an audio cameo of Ardmore, i think it'd be cool to see some friendly faces or at least audio for one of those guys. I don't think we will get a Jake cameo but i would lose my mind if we did lol.

Im also really hoping that theres more content coming in the future? More DLC or comics or something cause AFoP is the only thing keeping me sane when it comes to Avatar Brainrot rn.

[shesmore-shoebill]

since you mentioned an angel in neon blue as one of your faves…..your top 5 amangela fics perhaps? some honorary mentions too if there’s too many? 👀

Sorry for the delay on this, life got busy and then more busy instead of less busy and I wanted to give this ask its deserved amount of consideration.

anyway. Five is HARD. I will do my best. Order is not indicative of anything bc I've agonized long enough as it is. I've tagged folks + linked directly to their posts where I could find their associated tumblr post, and links to AO3 where I couldn't.

Also I cheated and made a separate list for NSFW ones. Partly because I know some people don't want to read NSFW. and to cheat a little on the 5 restriction.

As always, RPF with F as in fiction. From what I recall, none of these are attempting to speculate or make any actual statements about real people, they're all just works of fiction I like.

if anyone wants me to remove a link to their fic or a tag for any reason, let me know.

close my eyes (and fantasize) by @baflegacy

listen. I am a fucking sucker for well intentioned and realistic miscommunication that stems from care and then goes wrong. I love a thing where someone cares about someone and thats why they're worried and the worry also means they are a little mad and a little hurt bc fuck, i want to help you, why arent you talking to me about this, did i do something, crossed with the other person doing everything in their power to do the exact thing driving them up the wall, because they genuinely care so much about the other person that its skewing their judgement. People who care and people who fuck up. I'll eat it up every time, and this one is written in a way that feels so real. 👌👌👌👌

the devil is in the details by @skiespeaches

this is a newer fic and its still in progress atm and so theres a chance it gets bumped into NSFW territory 😅 but im really enjoying it!!! The dynamic between Amanda and Angela takes the competitive edge we can see in videos and makes it into something phenomenal. Its got such strong tension and pacing, and its also got. REALLY GOOD COMMUNICATION. People react realistically and have reasonable fears and doubts but everyone also talks about them and trusts each other and its just so satisfying to read as a result. And it STILL does the tension and the 👀👀👀👀👀 so well. Guess its kind of funny to put this and the prior recc right next to each other but I genuinely love both of these. Communication and humans are weird.

not strong enough by @moviemandy

i love a disaster angela fic as much as anyone but because I feel like that trope is established among smosh rpf, I love having that get subverted even more. More Amanda getting comforted!!! yeah!!!!!And the way the dynamic and emotions are written in this one is especially satisfying to me, they all feel very real, and sweet. :') Also, Im always a sucker for the trope where someone tries to deflect from their issues by taking care of someone else and then gets CALLED OUT FOR IT. also, double bonus, this fic can be read completely platonically. :]

a field of yellow flowers by @unknownteapot

gah this one has so many layers and elements to it, its such a damn delight to reread. the bittersweetness of it all really 👌👌👌👌. Grudging respect and admiration in an awful space, magnetism of people who both deeply want to love each other and really don't (but they do). The world feels very realized and that's so important bc the fic clearly sets up the interplay as like. The two of them and also the world they are in as a distinct three players in the story. This fic has so many emotions!!! gut punch of an end! you feel for both of them so deeply by the end.

i've been having revelations by @poppyfamily

slight cheating bc this is courtmangela but it should still count imo!!! It contains another classic trope of people who care about each other deeply and it being percieved by other people before they clock it themselves. Its something I like specifically as a writing trope and only executed in specific ways- caring deeply and being affectionate does not HAVE to mean you want to sleep with or are in love with someone, and IRL assumptions about that can be. Infuriating. But love how this fic does it. :) Also its funny and it feels very genuine and the voices all sound. right. I love fics with lots of cuts where so much is said in tiny details and tiny moments, it makes the world feel very fleshed out. Also, Courtmangela as a band is just a blessed concept.

NSFW fics:

lets make this bed get squeaky by baflegacy

This rewrote my goddamn brain chemistry actually. Like yes, this one is hot, but the parts that really hooked into my brain are not exclusively the spicy bits. Pining RPF Amanda is SO important to my brain, and that dynamic of an Amanda silently losing her mind and Angela also silently losing her mind but slightly more at peace about it, combined with their very genuine friendship keeping things fine and then. and THEN. well.

personal leisure by unknownteapot

hey this fic is hot as hell. Its extremely well written. But also besides the nsfw parts the banter and the sort of instant connection all feel very real and unforced and i love that the end of the fic feels so open ended but also so light and hopeful and sweet. choosing to believe they meet for coffee the next day and it all goes swimmingly.

like she wants to try me on by baflegacy

this fic is about amanda in the submissive and breedable outfit and angela. It accomplishes eveeything you could want from that. Its Very nsfw. its VERY good. Writing smut is difficult on multiple levels- keeping it logistically and emotionally sound while keeping it spicy. It does all three really well. also the aftercare moment is really sweet. :]

bonus: its the subject of this ask so i didnt include it but shout out to an angel in neon blue- the tension is INCREDIBLE and the way the ending recontextualizes everything and leaves you unsure who was really in control the whole time is like. really impressive. The characterization is SO strong and feels so true to the Sarah Christ we know and creates an equally strong Creekside Killer characterization to juxtapose it. 👌

[odysseys-blood]

theres a lot of back and forth about paimon especially so i just wanna put in my two cents about it bc speculation on paimon and gender can be tricky and theres a lot to take into consideration. this isnt an end all be all post and not the best written but im just speaking from my place as someone who is trans (though i myself am tme) and works with gender themes in my own characters so this is gonna be kinda long

So! Paimon

a lot of the issue from the back and forth stems from how paimon is written by default. When you meet paimon, he's designated as just a pretty boy that likes to crossdress and they emphasize heavily that paimon is a man every time they talk about his femininity and how he presents himself.

Now crossdressing itself is not at all transphobic, hell drag is a big thing and its not uncommon for queens do figure out that they're transfem when they get into it. In fact a lot of queer people do push to erase gender boundaries within clothes because in the end....clothing is just cloth wear what you want be who you want to be, whether it be a woman wearing masc clothing, a man wearing femme clothes, or anyone just wearing something neutral feeling.

Where it becomes a problem is the push to enforce paimon's masculinity at every turn. While its good that paimon isn't a character that's put in to be played for laughs (as feminine men and trans women often are in media), it comes off odd in a way for paimon to have a feminine voice, dress femininely, love feminine things...and then at every point have it enforced heavily that paimon is a man. THAT is where a lot of the issue stems from at when you see it happening as someone who has seen transmisogyny (if this is your first time seeing the word, its transphobia that arises specifically for a trans woman being a woman. ergo the word being a mix of transphobia and misogyny) in practice it looks worrying. When you're someone who knows how to spot this kind of thing it can feel like paimon's gender nonconformity is being demonized (while they also highlight it. its an odd mix).

This isn't to say that it is a concious thing that's being pushed either i'm not saying the writers are personally transmisogynists at all, HOWEVER since transphobia and transmisogyny is rampant in society to the point where it subconsciously controls biases, thats how it can come off transmisogynistic. Think of it as similar to racism: even if you think you yourself are not racist theres still likely biases you have picked up or have been taught just because theyre so pervasive in society. This doesnt mean its your fault it just means its something that you have to unlearn conciously and put in the work to do so.

This is also not just a problem with whb because again like i said, its systemic. Think about other characters in media who are written this way, such as Bridget from Guilty Gear, or Vivian from Paper Mario. While these two are different in that their status as trans women have been solidified, the treatment they've gotten is largely the same. Especially bridget considering how she for the longest was the poster child for the "femboy" archetype and how femininity is enforced yet also discouraged in these characters until she was finally labeled transgender in gg strive.

All this to say...its messy and theres a lot of points to consider so there really isnt a reason to go at each others throats. Using paimon's canon pronouns and gender isn't exactly a problem and neither is choosing to instead see paimon as a transgender woman and using she/her pronouns. But at the very least it doesn't hurt to educate yourself also and understand why paimon's writing can come off transmisogynistic and transphobic. WHB is not a game thats heralding itself on being progressive (even if there are aspects to it that might seem so) so there's not much to expect from it in that regard but still we can be mindful and discussion isnt bad.

(also a footnote i dont think ive seen any transfem or tma players of whb in the tag....ever but if anyone is and wants to add on or thinks ive overstepped let me know)

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

i guess i need some. advice? encouragement? about some stuff thats been happening recently so suicide/violence cw under the cut

i won't go into detail but i had. a very huge emotional/physical/mental breakdown today. where i was just. basically screaming and howling about how suicidal ive been lately. I haven't said anything out loud/via text on the internet abt it because i know saying i want to kms so often is bad for my own well being and ultimately makes other uncomfortable as well

so yeah i've just been. holding all that in. i knew the thoughts were coming in and out the past few months but was just shrugging it off as just being stressed abt the nightmare year i had. but i really was just. lying to myself and others because i didnt want to worry anyone/didn't want to admit how horrible i was doing after a couple years of good progress. but as it stands things are heading into a really bad direction for me rn. its not normal to go to sleep suicidal and immediately be suicidal upon waking up.

I don't really know what i can really do harm reduction wise. i'm unable to have regular visits with a psychiatrist/therapist bc of availability issues + i tend to just. lie. because its easier to say im fine than it is to advocate for myself and get actual help. and even then medication will not save me and coping skills can only go so far if im so deep in it im unable to take care of myself/feed myself/clean myself/eat/etc so none of it is effective enough in the moment. i know it CAN be effective and some of the skills ive learned can help during situational issues but this is really deep rooted improperly treated mental illness and i need a stronger foundation to be able to use any of the skills

i use a means of self isolation to punish myself, because i'm so upset with myself for not being able to pick myself up on my own. people can say im not a burden over and over but theres always gonna be a catch in the end. i freak out because what if this is one of my last meltdowns before they decide enoughs enough and i just get abandoned. again.

I feel like maybe being so Online is making things worse?? but i don't know??? my concentration is completely gone even when trying to use dnd/closing discord completely and im just constantly refreshing social media every 10 seconds and just stew in the bad feelings.

I don't know if just. leaving the internet cold turkey for a bit would do more harm than good.....i dont want to be alone and caught up in my thoughts. but i have a hard time doing things in 'moderation' and don't know how to even begin to roll back my internet/screen time usage

fandom is fun and great. but i dont think i should be using video games as pure escapism or playing them 24/7. im already getting bored and unenthusiastic about the things i like because its ALL i do.... I want to have at least SOME time away from screens. i hate having the impulse the check social media or refresh even 30 seconds (im even doing it NOW) but i just dont know where to begin in cultivating non-screentime hobbies and have the ability to focus on things more long term without having than doing 1000 things all at once to keep myself busy. i play video games muted most of the time, have a yt video playing, sometimes i'll stop mid video game and pull out my ipad while still having the games open, and im always on discord

there's books i still want to read, i eventually want to pick up sewing again. im considering getting a craft set for making those beaded bracelets (my brother gets them from concerts all the time and thinks it would be fun to make them too) but that all requires money

and i just. idk where im going with this rn but. any advice or suggestions or just. words of encouragement would be. really nice rn

[the-s1lly-corner]

hii can i request smth for kinger crushing on reader? like how he acts with a crush and if/how he confesses :)

if youve already done this, feel free to disregard!

Kinger crushing on the reader!

woowowowoooo going to answer this and go stretch my legs because theyve decided to start doing the weird crampy locky thing they do something grrgrrgrrr ive noticed it gets worse when i take my melatonin; so i think im going to have to stop taking that for a while to see if its.. tied that aside i hope you enjoy anon!

you know how i always mention in my writing for kinger that he follows you around in order to keep an eye on you? yeah i think this is where that really picks up... like yeah before he was already doing it, but now hes REALLY attached to you and he really wants to make sure youre safe

can see him being fairly sheepish when it comes to coming to you and trying to flirt... i think whether hes a good flirt varies on the day, either it falls flat or it really blows you away... whether youre the oblivious type though... thats up to you....... i dont think he would notice you flirting back, though

comes to you to talk about his interests more than ever before, unintentionally and unconsciously trying to fight for your attention by rambling about bug facts and talking about his experiences in the circus

likes escorting you around the circus, and to your room and around the grounds and- okay you get the point, this kind of feeds back into the first point, but this time hes actually trying to walk with you and talk with you! so hey theres some progress there!

i do think there would be some complicated feelings inside of him, though. hes a widow, you know? he lost his wife, abstracted, and the wound isnt exactly... fully healed, so theres the feelings that come with the grief as well as these new fostering feelings and the possible guilt that can sprout up from it.... i think this might feed into him needing some more time before he tries to make the first move let alone asking you out

i think he would offer his arm for you to hold on to while he walks you around....... if he had arms... ah his hand and shoulder will suffice..!

as for confessions? i think it might be up in the air on who confesses first, assuming someone doesnt speak up first because watching this old man yearn gets tiring and sad after a while/j

though if he were to confess himself, and do it before you can, i think he would take you to the side and do it.... i dont think he would like the idea of confessing to you with an audience, i think he values the privacy and doesnt want you to feel pressured to say yes, you know?

i think he would be very blunt and straight forward about it, for once swallowing his nerves. if you reject him there will obviously be some hurt, but he would take it with grace... very mature about it, you know?

but what if he confesses in the heat of the moment? say you were in danger during an IHA and for a moment he thought something happened to you... be it you emerge after taking a worrying amount of time getting up from a wreck, or laying injured and out of commission?

i think he would spill his heart out to you right there, before he loses the chance to tell you what hes been feeling forever... gosh if he isnt able to get it out before you abstract, or.... hed never forgive himself and it would eat him alive...

you know?

[afterhours-system]

omg transbipolar tips please? (if that's ok ofc!) if u do ty sooooo much (and no worries if not! ty anyway 4 being on tumblr :3)

hiii hello :33 heres some transbipolar tips from a cisBP II guything :D

general tips!!

track 👏 your👏 mood 👏!! i'd suggest one mood tracker for the moods/emotions you're actually experiencing (to track progress for example) (i use Daylio, it's great!) & one for the moods/episodes you want to experience! for BP specific moods (mainly depression/mania) i use Bipolar UK!

exaggerate your regular daily moods! if you've been in a good mood all day but suddenly feel a bit down play it up! i've gone from cruising in a very high mood (perhaps even bordering on hypomanic) to absolutely crashing for days because of one bad mood swing :P

hypomania & mania tips!!! (note: ive yet to experience a 100% manic episode, so i dont have as much personal experience there!)

hypomania: hypomania is characterized, for me, by very very high energy, high productivity (but never finishing anything), lots of inspiration & creative drive and feeling wayyy more social than usual!

also, completely losing track of my finances, needing less sleep (like. 2-3hrs & i feel well rested where i usually need 8-9,,), less need for food, almost no actual feelings of hunger (once in a month long ep i only ate One Piece Of Bread per day with the occasional (once a week max) pizza & was "fine") & being more open to drinking (and/or considering trying to get my hands on 'harder' stuff like psychedelics) where i usually straight up dont like alcohol!

i'd recommend going off of what's alr there for you; so if you notice you've been in a pretty good mood recently, say that's a hypomanic episode now! go out a lot (clubbing if you want to/can!), make efforts to meet new ppl & make friends, be very motivated & high energy and do everything (and i mean everything!) in excess (talk fast af & never stop talking, be restless and pace around, constanty occupy yourself w/ smth bcs otherwise you'll be understimulated af)

for mania: crank up everything about hypomania by about 300%. it's like there's a million bees inside your bones, you feel restless cant be still do a thousand things in a day, lose all sense of responsibility & become extremely reckless, either due to your extremely elevated mood or because of delusions or other psychotic symptoms.

oh yeah, psychosis! in a mixed ep i spent a day convinced i had somehow accidentally ingested alcohol (i hadnt)! intrusive thoughts, extreme anxiety around it, physical, olfactory & taste-based hallucinations around it, the whole package.

other BP based psychosis ive experienced: visual hallucinations (insects & spiders for me), jumbled & rapid thoughts (it felt different to adhd fast thoughts it was so weird lol)

see this article (link) for other psychotic symptoms during manic (or depressive!) episodes in pwBP!

i'd probably recommend "picking a theme" for delusions & halluciantions & the like, to make it easier to focus on them? tho i havent experienced psychosis enough to know if i have a 'theme' :P

depressive episodes!!

my least favorite (also, i feel like more things are known abt depression) (ALSO- i have seasonal affective disorder too which influences my BP episodes)

depressive episodes mean extreme lethargy for me. im tired 24/7 no matter how much sleep i get (& i'll be getting way more than usual. 10-12 hrs on average with the occasional 13 hrs 🥶).

very little movement. physical, mental, emotional, metaphyical. i often get stuck in bed, if not physically then mentally. spending my day anywhere but in my bed will feel weird & wrong. i will feel pretty numb/wont have access to my emotions anymore & often compltely stop thinking abt & processing my day-to-day life

^ this usually results in strong amnesia around depressive episodes but that might be a plural thing so. take it w a grain of salt lol

depressive episodes also make me self isolate as fuck. im talking forgoing my physical needs if theres a Chance i'll run into my roommate.

oh, yeah, also i just stop taking care of my basic physical as well as i do when balanced. i need to be starving to be able to get up & eat smth, & god forbid i want to actually cook smth rather than eating frozen pizza or eating out/ordering in

i also usually stop doing anything more creative than daydreaming (hashtag immersive daydreaming gang/silly) but even those are less immersive and less frequent. i'll be artblocked 24/7, have no inspiration or motivation and probably wont even miss drawing :P

& thats it! i hope you can find smth usefull in my rambling :3c /gen

and good luck & have fun with your transition!! you have my full support :D /gen

[mako-neexu]

im still overwhlemed but again, netsuyumi's obeguda today is amazing.

to drink poison just like that? seriously, your heart will never go back to the way it was anymore. it is said to be a lethal dose that can kill you on the spot too? isnt your heart too transparent? its a good thing oberon came in time and saved guda before the man administered sleeping pills to guda's drink next so he can sell guda to the black market...

i think this is my first time seeing a comic where the extreme poison immunity of guda is addressed. "a woman who is foreign immortal would fetch a fine price"... i love it when i read it. not only is it just poison, but alcohol as well... the said details made me scream. wait i just noticed now but theres three cups!?!?!? did you give guda THREE cups of extremely lethal poison? www this guy ww eugh my heart cant take it!! i love the detail of the man getting scared of guda, naturally. but going back i like this guy's thinking. crushing the nerves in guda's hand, cutting guda's throat so as not to leak info after administering sleeping pills in the next drink... only then he sells her to the black market for a high price...

ahh oberon saving her just at the right time is amazing but ugh guda heart transparent moment was the best. you worried over the one who poisoned you first? guda didn't even care if it was poisoned or the alcohol was something else... she simply had the hunch about the man she was conversing with. and the look in guda's face drives me insannnneeeeeeeeeeeeee

the heart is transparent at its finest <3 although there is no evidence of poison in the drink/s, if she refused to drink she might not have gotten information at all. if she did drink it (if it is a poison that would instantly kill), the man would loosen his lips on the info guda needed... because there was no other. choice.

"If it ever happens again, I'm sure I'll make the same choice again. As much as possible, singularities should be resolved early because its preferable. I don't think its wrong if I act for that matter."

also yumi's end notes for that is being: if the singularity is resolved quickly, if it will only endanger guda and not anyone else... that is guda's reasoning....

THEN OBERON'S FAIRY EYES MOMENT GODDDDDDDDDDDD "i know why oberon is angry" "sorry. it was thoughtless of me to do that"

what are you doing!!!! youre making me fear for you gudaaaaa!!! OBERON'S POV THOUGH!! AGHHGGH!!! AGH! "sorry if thats how you see it." "no matter what i will say,your way of thinking will not change. because your circumstances wont allow you to" WONT!!!!!!!!! ALLOW!!! YOU TOO!!!!!!!!

the omakes made me laugh though wwwwwwww the guy now tied up went from "oi, ill bribe you with money! side with me and catch that woman and sell her to the black market!" to ("ah this insect looking guy likes her so-") "along with the money, you keep the woman, wdyt?" to also eventually having thoughts of "on top of this woman having a strong heart, she has a pretty face...maybe ill make her mine." and oberon progressively just wanted to kill him then and there its so funny wwwwwwwwwwwwww

[hungee-boy]

Taking a Hiatus

im going to take at least a week long break from tumblr, reasons are below the cut

i have GFMs in my queue and those will post regularly every day, ill only be back in between to fill the queue with more recent campaigns

if you like my content then do me a huge favor and go to Sudan Funds and Gaza Funds and try to donate $5 a day to any campaign if you have the money, if not then just keep sharing campaigns and urging people to donate

but yeah love yall

ive been on and off depressive and manic for months now and its getting to a point where i need a hard restart

im still trying to just survive in my shitty rotting house and keep my family happy by doing whatever they need but its not enough for us to make progress to actually being healthy and living normally

i have a job prospect but i havent heard anything since my first interview and im scared im going to be ghosted again. theres so many other stress factors in my life but believe me when i say its too much for me right now

i need time to do some work at home and get my shit together before i have another nervous breakdown when something goes wrong, hopefully when i come back things will be better and i can better run my projects and help people in need

and dont worry about donating to me in this time, just focus on the people in sudan and gaza for me, thats my only real wish while i take this break

thanks besties <3

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 9

welcome the the ninth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics. 

1. drive me to distraction by @freshia

“Don’t worry, I got all the necessities.” he says, reassuringly, as if that’s what Keith is worried about. And then: “And if you ever want to see your Fall Out Boy t-shirt again, you’ll get in the vehicle! This is a robbery.”

Where Keith is sort of kidnapped for a road-trip with Lance, and is sort of okay with it.

road trip? college au?? best friends to lovers?? pining?? endless tenderness but never saying it put loud?? sign me tf UP. the last lines will fucking kill me every time like i literally have to close my eyes and force myself to breathe deeply. theres something so endless about refusing to speak your feelings out loud but they know what you mean anyway. god.

2. The Courage of Stars by @derryhawkins

The Lions of Voltron can turn into actual lions. Who knew, right? When Allura tells them of this news, Lance is ecstatic. The only problem? Lance figures out that he somehow has one of the strongest bonds with Blue. To keep the others from feeling bad about their own progress, he keeps this information to himself.

It doesn’t take long for certain others to think he’s not taking everything seriously.

this one is more langst than team-as-family, but i still love it deeply. i like it bc it has some nuance for allura, some explanation as to why she struggles to badly to connect with the paladins in the beginning. im not sure the series was ever finished, but this work in particular was, and i loved it! the lance & blue megabond is a treat to read every time.

3. Solar Flare by @heavenlyfires

Accompanied by the scattered applause throughout the ballroom, Keith lifts a slim brown hand in his own and presses a lingering kiss to the palm.

"It’s good to see you, Lance,” he says.

His voice is raw; his face feels naked. Keith’s known for his poker face, but here, in front of Lance, he has no self control. His emotions are spilling over onto his face like tears, too strong to be constrained.

He looks into Lance’s eyes and that suddenly doesn’t seem like such a bad thing.

“Yeah,” Lance whispers, a gentle and devastating smile on his face. He reaches a hand up — soft, Keith notes — and tucks some hair behind Keith’s ear. His fingers trace a gentle path across Keith’s jaw; his eyes flick across his face but inevitably come back to meet Keith’s own, the blue in them impossibly seeming warm toned with the full fond force of Lance’s gaze.

“It’s good to see you, too,” Lance says.

Has Keith mentioned yet that he loves him?

"Solar flares occur when a buildup of magnetic energy... is suddenly released.” - Space.com

After almost two years of unbearable distance, Keith and Lance find themselves at a ball, together.

fuckin pining klance and binary star imagery, man. gets me every time. i love me some post canon green sock reality where everything is good and right and keith and lance are somehow still pining like dumbasses, but are whipped to the point of ridiculousness. absolutely love that for them. and the idea of klance as a binary star system will fuckin make me tear up every time fr bc they ARE they are a GOOD TEAM

4. Nine Blocks and To-Go Cups by @jackwillwrite

"Can I have...six things of expresso?" Lance asks.

"Shots?" Keith offers, although he dearly hopes that's not what Lance is asking.

(In which Keith isn't sure how he ended up as a barista working shifts in the god-awful hours of the morning, and Lance is a regular who somehow manages to make it bearable.)

im trying so desperately to hype this fic up and also not spoil it but let me tell u when u get the lil twist ending and the title finally makes sense u will be GAGGED. i know i was. i could not believe what i was reading i wanted to YELL. it was insane and my heart still gets all pumped when i think about it bc i was truly like NO FUCKIN WAY

5. a fissure in my vision by @ink-beneath-her-fingernails

"It appears... Well, the Ranithians were under the impression that we were all adults by Terran standards. When they realized that you four technically aren't, or at least not entirely, they decided to... test you."

"Test us."

Lance's voice is flinty; icier than any of them have ever heard him, and he wears a face to match.

It's not a question.

(Or: Sometimes, the Paladins can't account for everything that might happen. Sometimes, even allies with good intentions can lead to awful things. Sometimes, your own mind is your worst enemy.

And sometimes, being a Paladin really, really sucks.)

words cannot express how much this fic has haunted me. literally the worst possible reality without actually being the worst. yall think you’ve read a crossover before?? think again!! hunk and lance’s arcs especially knocked me fucking flat. like i was just aching for them so so badly. sometimes when i wonder what could be worse (in terms of how much it would suck for the paladins, not how it was written; this was written beautifully) than canon i remember the paladins could have suffered through this

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!  

[kingcunny]

Hi! What do you think about Viserys' drinking habits? I saw the "Aegon got alcooholic because of Viserys giving him wine when he was a toddler" discussion and now I'm wondering about how often Viserys got drunk, the show makes it seem it's not often since we only see him get drunk once and that he's way more controlled than Aegon who is a full explicit alcooholic and seemed to have a bigger problem with it. I wonder if Viserys got himself drunk on purpose when he wanted to get that dragon dream again since he drunkely tells Alicent in episode 3 he "chased that dream again" many times... He also seemed to speak more about his worries/vulnerabilities and failures way more.

ive talked about this a few times here and there, but i do think viserys was an alcoholic. as was jaehaerys. addiction can be hereditary and i think thats a big part of why aegon becomes an alcoholic as well.

viserys addiction is really tied into my chronically ill viserys hc, and that he “caught” his illness from balerion. the idea that dragons continue to grow forever but eventually they reach a point where they are so big they become incompatible with life, they get crushed under their own weight. when viserys bonded with balerion he almost “took” that pain from him so balerion could die in peace, but now viserys carries that pain. he develops a sort of magic autoimmune disease that mimics balerion being too big to live. (being crushed under his own weight=immune system attacking the host body)

alcohol is a fantastic painkiller. i think before viserys illness progressed to the point it was noticeable to the maesters, before he started being treated with milk of the poppy, he self medicated that pain away with alcohol. meaning he probably started regularly drinking around 16. the big difference between viserys and aegon is that viserys could hold his alcohol and was a happy drunk, he didnt really bother anyone and more or less still got his work done, so no one really cared that he ended most days stumbling drunk.

separate from my headcanons theres also the fact that in the book viserys was discovered dead by a servant bringing him wine during the hour of the bat, which is i think supposed to be around midnight? which sounds to me like he was drinking to help him sleep. and that he was doing this regularly enough that it was expected, that even when he didnt call for wine, it was still brought up. that sounds like alcoholism to me.

and i could DEFINITELY see viserys using alcohol (or other psychoactive drugs if they exist in westeros, which im sure they do) to try and force another vision. (the halfjokes i make about drug induced psychosis viserys. or modern au vis rotting out his brain with hallucinogens)

[therealressii]

do you mind if i give feedback on the game you're making?

i played a little bit of it (i got to the temple place) and so far i love the art style, but it is super not obvious what is and isnt an enemy? like i saw these garbage worms that damaged me, but they where so thin i died to them and didnt even see them

i also encountered what i think is a bug, where if you jump and then quickly jump after, you can almost double jump, and it gives you enough height to clear distances you probably could only climb without, however it does feel satisfying to pull off, therefore im unsure if its intended or not. i also couldnt heal, despite there being a control shown at the beginning that said i could, not sure if theres a reason for that or not

(also sorry i realize its kinda rude to ask if you want feedback, but then give it anyway, take that what you will lol)

last thing, a lot of the enemies are super vague in how they attack, and a lot of the time i die, its because an enemy i encountered hits me with something i cant really dodge, like the firelizzard guy, i hit him enough and then it blows up and jumps at me? i cant do any damage to it without dying before i land a hit, its just super confusing

i will say though, the platforming is really fun, if its a bit finicky, but so far the art style is stunning, and i love how the main character moves and looks. they look like they give good hugs lmao

sorry if this seems overly negative, but i love the game so far, and i cant wait to play more of it! (it might also be a problem with my potato laptop that i use lmao) ((also i realize this is a MASSIVE ask, its really easy to talk about this game it seems. i cant believe how little people are talking about this! its such a cool game so far and EOURGH i love it and i love the characters they hit all the right spots with me EUIUGH))

sorry for my inefficient way of typing, and the wall of text uuuh your really cool and i wish more people talked about your game and your art because its absolutely amazing how much you have made and how little its talked about! this is such a diamond in the rough and its absolutely stunning

thank you so much for playing, i always welcome feedback so don't worry about that and to address each point:

it was deliberate to make some enemies very hard to spot (blame pikmin 2 and rainworld) but it could be worth considering adding some additional audio and/or visual indicator i did plan on adding low threat music to play when any enemy was near you (similar to rainworld) though i haven't gotten around to learning how to make music yet so we'll have to see

yea that's a bug that appeared pretty early in development, a consequence of how the game detects if the player is on the ground or not i haven't bothered to fix it as my general rule for bugs is if it doesn't negatively affect the player or gameplay, i wont bother touching it so semi intended

im curious, did you ever craft any upgrades or know about that, including the healing potions needed to heal i didn't provide any tutorial or indication that there was a craft system for upgrades since i assumed that at one point or another the player would try to figure out what they could do with the materials that came from enemies, plants, and such sorry if that sounded rude, im genuinely curious for obvious game design purposes since i wanted to make roa with as little tutorial as possible to let players figure out the game without too much hand holding, but i could definitely add some additional tutorial/indicator besides the interactable arrow indicator

im guessing you went to the ruda'ishvura temple region straight away and that area is purposely filled with enemies with much higher health pools and damage its basically to indicate to players who get there early that they may need more health and general upgrades though i don't block it off based on boss progression since i want to allow the player to explore and well figure out their limits tho i could try make certain enemies a lil less confusing (not promises on that sorry akfaghs)

lastly, im curious about the "potato laptop" comment, were you experiencing stutters or anything like that optimization wasnt really my main concern at the beginning given that i just wanted to get something out there and as long as the game ran 60+ fps on my setup in the editor, i considered it good enough to run on most pcs and laptops but i might have to do an optimization patch of sorts if there are issues on lower end setups

anyways thank you so much again for playing roa and for the feedback, it is always good to get insight from different player experiences and their reactions/responses to my admittedly silly game design philosophies for my game

[bruh-anator3000]

I saw your writing slump post (and I absolutely love your Viktor headcanons, by the way), so how about a zombie apocalypse au where the reader gets bitten and Viktor uses science to help?

So like, im in love w u. Thats such a good idea. Thank u for giving me a prompt, made it extra long just for u <3 <3

Viktor x Reader Apocalypse

Warning: blood, zombies, pain, reader wants to eat Viktor (not in the fun way), no use of y/n, no specific gender :)

Tbh Viktor was certain he'd be the first to go, especially since he's very melodramatic and constantly sacrificing himself for you

He knows his time is limited regardless of the fact a zombie break out has occurred in the Undercity - something with a defective line of shimmer contaminating the user's blood stream

The zombies are endless and soon enough, they fins their way into Piltover

Jayce and Mel assured you their place would be safe, that they had plenty of room and guards to keep working on a cure with Hextech and remain unaffected

That paradise lasted about 2 weeks before the guards were outnumbered

You and Jayce are pushing up against the door, trying to keep the zombies out for as long as possible as Viktor tried something he was certain will work to cure the infected

Time, never on your side, had ran out as the undead beat the door down

Vials go crashing all over, all of Viktor's work, gone save for the notes

Its a miracle Jayce can even see you under all the rotten flesh that grab at you, much more so the fact he picks you up and hauls you and Viktor out

You all find a small abandoned store, good enough to just sit and recollect from all the running

As Jayce checks in with Mel, Viktor checking and rechecking their stock, furious he lost all their progress

You begin to feel... odd

Saliva starts to build as you watch one of Viktor's thin and nimble hands dig through your bags

A deep hunger planting itself in you, and you begin to wonder what it would feel like to sink your teeth into his soft skin

To feel the gush of blood and crack of bones snap into your mouth...

"Are you okay, love?" Viktor places one of those tempting hands on your knee, eyes glowing with worry

Your shoulder begins to throb, pulsing even, and you slide your shirt collar down enough to look

Green forms around unmistakable bite marks, yellow-ish red puss forming near the edges

Yep, you had gotten bit

And your shock seems little compared to the way Viktor stood when you said such

Jayce and Mel seem to scooch a few feet back but Viktor is at your side in an instant

He apologizes as he pours rubbing alcohol on it, muffling your cry with a kiss as he wraps it tight

You try to push him away, saying theres no hope for you

Stubborn as always, he doesnt budge

He even says there may be a way to help

However, that help is in the Undercity and could already be dead

Viktor takes his chances regardless, he'll spin the wheel of death if theres a slot that keeps you alive, no matter how unlikely it truly is

By the time you reach Singed's cave, the infection has take most of your arm

There's no one around, just vats of green liquids, and a plethora of purple vials

Viktor sets you down on what you assume is an autopsy table and immediately gets to work

It will be a little more difficult- more risky without his old mentor around but Viktor is nothing if not determined to keep you safe

He digs through vials, flips through his notebook and mumbles curses to himself everytime he hears you grumble or groan

He can't bare to loose you, he simply can't

Finally, he finds a tube with a label that reads 'uncertain'

Could be contaminated, but its less of a chance then all the others labeled 'diseased'

He apologizes once again but does not wait for your comfort of 'It's alright,' large needle contraption digging deep into your shoulder

You both wait with baited breath, hoping the purple will outshine the green, or at least slow its growth to your collar bone down

When it doesn't, Viktor yells out, furious before throwing a satchel of rune blocks down

In record speed, he's created a similar hexcore to the one that was in the labs months before the breakout

He grabs your arm and forces your rotten flesh to the orb, begging it to work

Scream all you want, Viktor is only focused on the result

His chest may tighten, his vision may haze as his guts yell 'dont do this to them!'

But he has to try to save you

He just has to

In a light more blinding than the sun, you're both sent to the rocky floor beneath, wet from the puddles that steep in craters

As you push yourself up from lying on your chest, a loud and prominent thunk sounds beneath you

Your arm, the one that was rotting minutes ago, is gone

Green replaced by deep purple, no longer painful or numb but stronger, tight to your bones

You look towards Viktor, wanting to ask what he had done but voice fell silent upon seeing him

Eyes wide, and smiling for the first time in months. He's smiling!

At his theory being proven right! At your arm! At you!

You're no longer dying, no longer rotting with this new unexplained steel of magic made arm

He laughs and runs over to you, falling besides you and kisses you passionately

He no longer fears he will lose you, a fearful pressure he has been carryong around forever, even before this apocalypse had started

His leg, now your arm, both in peak physical condition, no negative karma, and both still alive

That's all he need to know

Soon enough, with this technology, Viktor could save the world

But right now, all he could focus on was holding you

[magnetothemagnificent]

hi, i have a question, i hope this isnt annoying and you dont need to answer.

ive been wanting to convert and have been doing a lot of readings and such as recommended by a friends rabbi (lives several hours from me however and is reform whereas im looking for conservative) and a few other people i knew as well as just what was in my local library, but i havent had a chance at too many community connections due to living in The Middle Of Nowhere with almost no jewish population. on the 19thDec a synagogue somewhat close to me is holding a menorah lighting + donation drive at a public park, which is advertised as being open to both jewish and non jewish individuals who are interested in learning. would it be appropriate for me to go therefore and attempt to ask questions? would it be beter for me to go but just stay silent or only make polite conversation, or should i not even go at all? i dont want to overstep, but i am entirely serious about conversion and i know its not physically possible for me to progress further without community.

theres really no synagogues around me i can attend, and im moving in about a year to places w hopefully higher jewish populace (for school, unrelated to conversion) and this isnt a synagogue i would able to attend regularly (its almost an hour away from where i live so going for this event is out of the ordinary and would be a specific trip, but i wouldnt be able to make weekly services) so im worried it would be dishonest or rude.

again, its open to all peoples and it was by rsvp, which my partner and i already rsvp'd to, but i dont want to be annoying or appropriative when im trying to learn and im doubting myself a bit. sorry and thank you for reading. (also we are of course planning to bring donation if we do attend!)

It's definately not appropriative for you to attend a Chanukah party that welcomes both Jews and non-Jews. If they specifically say they're open for learners, then it's a great oppurtunity to learn. However, I would caution you on asking specifically things like "where can I go to convert?" because that's a really loaded question that I don't think people are prepared to recieve at such an occasion, especially if they don't know you personally. Rather, ask for the Rabbi and synagogue's contact information, and ask general questions about the holiday and Judaism itself. They'll be happy to answer your questions. Although, make sure you're asking the organizers and not regular event-goers, because they may not know how to answer your questions. I think you should also consider attending more Jewish events before finalizing your decision to convert. The Rabbi you speak to will probably also recommend it. Judaism is an incredibly communal culture and religion, and reading about Judaism just isn't the same as experiencing it. After Chanukah, we have Tu Bi'Shvat, the holiday celebrating the New Year for tree. Then after that, there's Purim, and after that Pesach, and so on and so forth, not to mention Shabbat every week. All of these are oppurtunities for you to experience more Jewish events and holidays and really get a full picture of what Judaism is and where you want to be. After the Chanukah event, if you still want to, reach out the Rabbi by phonecall or by email, and let them know that you were at the event and ask about further oppurtunities for learning and experience. Best of luck!