#im talking abt it as if im done with it already lol i think i have. 20 pages left

[ducktollers]

got a sortof interview for a research assistant job tomorrow and sooooooooo scareds :D

[cheriboms]

what if i told you that i had a 500+ page google doc chronicling my efforts to transcribe the bttf telltale game into a full script line by line

[unproduciblesmackdown]

billions could only have a gay man, who was married, and died by the end of that season; only deal with taylor's upending of presumed cishettery by having everyone who's not terrible be automatically down without putting some crisis about it on them, as the better approach to trying to have people talk about it (true, certainly in this case); extent of its room for rian's latent nonbinariness being "never wearing skirts/dresses, always wearing makeup though"....all that is to say, even with neither of them allowed to be "truly" cishet, b/c that's the rewarded realm for superior people, billions could never do winstuk. but they could be kissing right now

[liquidstar]

HI my close good friends have been SO very kind to me about the little oc writing practice excerpt i posted, and its genuinely helped me to be less self-conscious abt it (but i am still posting in the dead of night lol) but!!! because of this i wanna post one more today. again, very much not the final product (who knows when that'll be!) but, well, here's what i got i guess!

the needed context for this excerpt is that it happens after a mission which ended with saiph in the infirmary with a broken arm, after al told him not to be rash!!! but the more IMPORTANT context is that it mirrors a scene just before the mission, where saiph refuses al's help with a t shot, laughing off the question and saying he's not scared of the needle like when he was younger. he's been doing this for so long now after all... (also because im not using fantasy explanations for trans stuff here, he does have to have a shot lol)

anyway,

-----

The night following a mission's end always proved to be the most exhausting. The adrenaline rush dissipates, leaving only the harsh reality of injury and blood loss. The enervation is an unrelenting burden weighing on the body, and every movement becomes onerous. This is nothing to speak of the emotional fatigue.

Preparing for bed in their shared inn room, neither Saiph nor Al could say a word. A thick, oppressive atmosphere lingered. The dim lamp cast a solemn and hazy glow, adding to the sense of lethargy that seemed to suffocate the air. The cathartic release they had experienced at the infirmary has left a miasma of unresolved tension.

Even in the midst of fatigue and injury, Saiph was determined to do things alone. He managed to change and brush his teeth with his non-dominant arm, completing his nightly routine on his own, without much hassle. Except…

Saiph looked at Al, laying by the lamp with a book, his face partially hidden in the shadows. For a brief moment, the book seemed like a barrier- breaking it felt like a taboo.

Hesitantly, Saiph manages to speak, “Hey,” Al glances up almost immediately, and he continues, “Could you, like…” His words faltered as he gestured towards his bag, finding it hard to look at Al’s face, “I mean, it's just that, y’know, it's hard to do a shot one-handed. So…”

“Huh?” Al furrowed his brow in confusion, before processing these fumbled words. “Oh,” he puts his book down the second he grasps this as a request for help. Saiph hands Al a little pouch, and Al removes a needle and vial.

“You gotta-”

“I know, I've seen you do it.” Al smiles, “Go sit down.”

Saiph nods and takes a seat on his bed.

Al prepares the shot and kneels down, positioning himself between Saiph's legs. He carefully places the very tip of the needle on Saiph’s skin, and Saiph tenses at the touch. The room suddenly felt warmer- too warm. It was difficult to breathe, not just from the physical strain, but also from the intensity of their proximity.

Al stops to focus on the needle for a moment. Before he can press it down, he looks up at Saiph and clarifies, “But still, tell me if I mess up or anything,” with sweaty palms, Al adjusts his grip slightly, adding, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You're fine,” Saiph replied with an uneven voice, unable to vocalize any further sentiment. Avoiding eye contact, he instead chooses to fixate on the ceiling, trying to gain a semblance of composure. He takes a single glance at Al, before immediately looking away again. He blushes at the sight, and he quietly reaffirms, “You're doing fine.”

With that confirmation, Al looks back down. He rests his arms on Saiph's legs and steadies his hands. The low light is making it difficult for him to focus his eyes, and there's a ringing in his ears that just won't settle. Still, he eventually builds enough nerve to stab the needle in, just the slightest bit.

He feels Saiph twitch. “It doesn't hurt?” he asks without looking away this time, keeping his eyes focused on the tiny little prick he just made.

“No, it's- it's fine,” Saiph is no longer capable of averting his gaze either. He maintains a fixed stare below, studying the image of Al between his thighs. Truthfully, Saiph can't even feel the needle; he's significantly more preoccupied with Al's steady breathing, or the slightest parting of his lips in concentration, or the faint flush on his cheeks. He needs to shake these ideas from his head right now.

At Saiph's confirmation, Al pushes the needle deeper, exhaling as he does so. He feels Saiph slightly, incredibly slightly, jolt at the sensation. It must feel different when someone else does it, Al supposed.

With a final push of the syringe, the injection was finished. Al pulled the needle out and set it aside. He, however, stays in place. In fact, neither party makes any effort to pull away. Not even by an inch. The only sound in the room was the quiet hum of electricity, the only movement was in the branches out the window. Was it fatigue that kept them locked in this intimate position? Or something else? That would be too troublesome to contemplate further.

After a long, still moment, Al breaks the silence, “I don't mind helping like this,” His voice was painfully weak, painfully himself, “Ask me for more. I want to help you more,” He declared with more ambition.

“Maybe…”

“Please,” Al lifts his arms and wraps them around Saiph’s waist, still on his knees, clinging desperately, as if Saiph would fall away if he let go. “If there's ever anything… Anything…”

Saiph's free hand warily moved to Al's head, running his fingers through his hair, mixing the black and white strands. “I know,” He said with a faint smile.

Al looked up at him, their eyes meeting for the first time since they entered this dingy room. Al’s eyes were baggy, exhausted, on the verge of tears. Above all, they were begging. For some reason, even in this vulnerable state, Saiph could only think of them- of him, as beautiful. Saiph pushes the thought back and moves his hand to cup Al’s cheek. He tries to give him a reassuring look.

Al closed his eyes at this gesture, leaning into the comfort for only a second. He apologetically stands up, finally breaking away from their entanglement, and returns to his own bed. He doesn’t bother to pick his book back up, making the covers his new barrier.

Saiph remained on his bed, unsure if his reassurance had been received. All he could think to say was a soft, tentative, "Good night."

No, that was a lie. He could think of one other thing, but he didn't say it. It's the fatigue speaking, surely, so he shouldn't say it. It would be inconsiderate of Al too, so he wouldn't say it. Even if it were the truth, he couldn't think it.

Bisected onto separate beds, the room returned to its miasma of unresolved tension.

[cruelsister-moved2]

this is coming from a musical background but i hate the false dichotomy of “art has value because people like it or the powers that be decide that its good” or “you should just make whatever you want for yourself that makes you happy” like it doesnt have to be capitalist consumption or individualist babying... for me the two poles are actually “art is something you do in order to benefit from the process rather than the end product” and “art is an experience you share with other people with the end goal of enriching their lived experience in some way”. i just think there is so much creative narcissism on this earth but actually making art should be the humblest thing in the world because you’re willing to wring out your whole psyche in order to painstakingly create something that you hope will benefit someone else in this intangibly meaningful way. acting like its like shallow and selfish to care how others perceive your art is such weird liberal nonsense and literally your art as a product has no purpose if youre so indifferent to its audience... the process is for you to enjoy and its also acceptable to stop there but if you are going to ask for others to spend their time indulging it then i think u should actually care about how it benefits them..sorry

[caramelmochacrow]

songs some of the girls/units in d4dj should cover bc i think it would work. (this is all vocaloid and utaite songs btw bc i am a sucker for them and this is just my opinion lmao)

Merm4id- BRING IT ON Listening to the song, you think it would be Peaky right? No, Merm4id would do so much better. knowing how some Merm4id songs sound (Princess Advent, Make Some Noise!, START, etc., etc.) and the instrumentals fits Merm4id's style more than Peaky is big evidence. There's also the fact that in START Dalia and Rika have so much attitude in the beginning part, especially Rika. (Also in Bandori, RAS covered BRING IT ON as well, and who was the one who covered the RAS song in D4DJ again?)

Lumina- Alien Alien I can't explain this properly without spoiling Side:nova to people so if ya know ya know.

Peaky- Odo Okay I could be biased and perhaps wrong because Ado's voice is just that flexible but I think Peaky can pull it off. An example is OVERWHELM! because it's kind of close to how Odo sounds, both are EDM with some Latin influences but Odo is much more confident and bouncy. If they ever do it I know there's going to be a lot of Kyoko hitting those high notes, pretty harmonies with Yuka and Esora, and that very Peaky P-key breakdown by Shinobu.

Nagisa- Abstract Nonsense I love Nagisa's voice a lot in Wind Up God, her singing is amazing and I hope for her to have a solo cover like Hiiro and I think her voice will fit a song like Abstract Nonsense. I know Nagisa can put a little attitude into her singing, I know Abstract Nonsense is more rock than metal but they can arrange it.

Nagisa- Usseewa This one isn't decided based on how the lyrics connect to her, but just how her voice is. Her energy will work so well with a song like Usseewa. Also I KNOW she can do the growl. I know it, if not then I don't care. Nagisa covering Usseewa will be a dream come true for me.

[jrueships]

Bron/AD

time for my honest onion on bron/AD...

i think they are very compatible like either way you view it, friendship or romantic relationship. Like they are on kyle/demar levels of compatibility in terms of opposites attracting. Lebron is driven and AD is deep. Lebron is willing to investigate and explore any of AD's unique passions (like gta rp) even if it's very new to him or he has to borrow a shitty mic from his streamer son to do it 😭. AD is willing to go the depths of Lebron's wants and desires by seeing him more than just the crown status he has. He doesn't want to please necessarily, but to just help in general because their relationship (whether platonic or romantic) revolves heavy mutuality. I think people can be too hard on Lebron/too judgemental because of him having the spotlight and all the issues that surround that, so whenever AD doesn't perform well.. people blow the thing up into a huge problem. And while that IS a problem... i think their relationship builds off of having problems tbh. Not big ones but like small ones that you can consider accomplishments when they're solved. Their relationship is built off of constant solving VIA investigating, helping, and just tending to other's needs. They REALLY get closer together by actually. Getting closer together. And to get closer.. they need a little problem first.

Problem has this whole negative attachment to it, especially to people who live more comfortable, less competitive lives, but it's different for people like Lebron who's faced more options to deem definitions toward. Their relationship works on workable problems. Not to be confused with a big.. actual actual disruptive problem. Lebron is a big solver who turns into a big feeler when something isn't solved right and AD is a big feeler who turns into a big solver when something doesn't feel right. They work well with each other because they work WELL with each other. They compensate not JUST bcs they're willing.. but because they both see it as a NEED. They're both 110% devoted (afterwards) to help out on a problem.

BUT..... the whole thing with little problems... can be a Little difficult tho. Sometimes. And it's not about having those little problems, because those are unavoidable and in both of their minds necessary for greater development...

it's maybe.. Not having any little problems. At least with the other. It's the problem of 'what more can we do?' That makes them antsy. If Lebron somehow started out with AD from the beginning as a sidekick (and not kyr*e first) .... like idk somehow they get on the same team sooner.. the relationship would still be good because it IS.. i just don't know how long it will be sometimes (both duration and depth). BCS LIKE. Lebron came off of a lot of issues during and after kyr*e. I'm not a big follower of bron, so I can't go into details, but I am an empathizer with him, even as an MJ fan. Lebron loved sticking with AD despite everyone making fun of him for being LeGM. That gave him a conflict he could easily conquer by showing out and connecting with AD, which in turn strengthens their relationship. But to start off on a cleaner slate..? With less issues to work with him on and in turn grow closer with him?

In my opinion, it's a relationship that works best the way it was found. If you take it out of the timeline too forward or backwards.. it'll still be compatible.. but it won't be. it won't have the OOMF, u know?

which leads me to say..... i think it's a relationship that really has to be like. A 2nd/3rd one. Like a trying again NOT WITH EACHOTHER but with the self. You can't just HAVE it.. and it'll be.. IT, you know? It's a strong relationship.. but it definitely NEEDS other factors that aren't exactly from the self to make it work even stronger BCS IT ALREADY IS STRONG FROM THE SELF... there IS a connection and an ability to make that connection even stronger.. it just needs an external enzyme to activate that. They can't exactly just activate that themselves with them alone. They need at least a little something else to push them into shared goals.

SO LIKE I MEAN!!! I LIKE IT ! I DO !!!!! But i think I like it a lot more as good friends bcs idk... I feel like you'll just get that more the more you try to adjust the timepieces and whatnot. Like yeah, they're super helpful to each other when pushed to be, but they're always kinda helpful to each other in general and the fact that they need a push that's forced to be outside just.. idk. It makes the friendship go from a lot less magical to me and more mechanical.. there's more reasons and definitions for it WHICH SOME PEOPLE DO LIKE!!!!! I definitely like being able to say more stuff about things!

But idk... im kind of a sap for things being sometimes just like... u know! They besties! They love each other! Besties!!!

The whole addition of the need cycle makes it go from besties!!! To woooah! Here's a reason for why that happened and if that reason wasn't there this would not be happening ! And it's not some cute elaborate romantical story from the heart.... it's cause and effect or cause and rebuttal. IDK MAN like it definitely WORKS. But like. Me, personally, VERYY personally, i love when things just sorta WORK and u can't really explain all the how's (bcs there's more than one. It's a whole jumbled story and more and more reasons for them to love/interact deeply with each other) but it just kinda.. WORKS !

If the people were even slightly different, like if ad wasn't the person he was.. it would not run like that. So they DO need that kind of specific relation between them to get that relationship specifically to survive below the surface.. so I CAN see the beauty in that tho!!! I just like seeing it better in something more platonic like a friendship tho... but i do understand the beauty of the working relationship and I think that's nice too :) !! It works great for them and especially lebron lol, maybe it's Him....

[kuiinncedes]

🥹 ;-;

[arolesbianism]

Thinks oh so hard abt raccoon au printing pod doomed yuri.... What if you were a robot in love with your fellow robot but your past human selves had to fuck it all up and murder eachother 🙄

[butt-puncher]

I wish that I was more

[toastsnaffler]

ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee

[chaotictomtom]

i NEED to be done with this sketchbook every single page is falling apart and the spine is all fucked, and all that not even from being used too much i only had it since end of February and im not. like. throwing it against a wall and driving on it with a bus each time i use it

[evandore]

unblocked my mother for the first time this year to send her the file to my short story. didnt mention anything else and i was as neutral and respectful as possible so if some argument spawns out of this then i am blocking her for the rest of the year. godbless !

[danandphilplay]

im going to put my answers below bc i know some of these vids are likely not returning to dnp and i do agree with that i just wanted to do a fun poll abt if you could have another of these vids then which would you choose. ofc like ive said before we have no control over dnp uploads and i fully know some of these won’t come back lol

ok first of all i don’t think pinof is coming back and i think that’s been clear for ages anyways like ten is a nice number to leave it. HOWEVER i do think an april fools dapc pinof would be hilarious. answering crafties questions and whatever they send to craft universe dnp.

same with amazingdan BUT maybe there’s a slight chance of reacting to amazingdan. maybe not since so much time has already passed since pinof reactions (four months …..) honestly out of the options i’m not that bothered about pinof or amazingdan i feel like they’re classic dnp content that’s fine left as it is

ok for the pizza mukbang thing i don’t care for it to be a mukbang video lol like the actual thing was the nice sit down talk vibes pyjama pizza w friends maybe this is exactly what dan means abt being parasocial 😭 but that video is nice so i don’t think the actual mukbang part of it is that important it’s more the sit down talk style vid

i think i would do anything for another day in the life but i feel like it is prob peak parasocial content. would it count as phouse tour probably. do i think there will be a phouse tour no bc it sounds like it is still having a lot of work done 😭 and i honestly don’t really care abt it… i think the sims renovation was fun and an insight into their interior design opinions lol and that is enough for me

i put it takes two bc a lot of people want to see the next bit i like the game but not rly enough. idk it’s been awhile since that first vid and in terms of other games and things from dnp i don’t rly mind about it takes two being ignored 😭

i know baking is not a discontinued thing anymore bc HALLOWEEN but BUT i really believed easter baking would be a thing 💔 dapc had so much put into it that i kind of forgot about wanting a baking vid but 💔 i can’t lie i think i got set on the expectation for it. like the baking vids have always been absolute classic staple dnp content but definitely the cinnamon roll one was like the baking vids to the extreme… the full potential AND THE BAKE WAS GOOD TOO. the vid was also pretty popular. so my expectations for easter were a bit high. ok so if this poll is like magically summon a dnp vid 🪄 maybe id consider baking because i just love it so much like irl as a hobby but also then dnp doing one of my fav things too and it being so fun idk it’s some of the best dnp content imo. i would love them to try a series of making food from videogames but no offence to them i don’t get the vibe that they cook a lot…… so i think it might not happen. but dil is turning TEN in september so maybe dnp special dil birthday cake baking vid 💔 pleaese pleasemaybe

i think tumblr tag is totally plausible although ik the april fools tumblr tag thing 💔 bc the twitter vid happened i think they’ll do a tumblr one at some point. there’s so much amazing art on here not just fanart but written stuff video and photo edits so i’d want them to see all of that as well as the funny stuff. this isn’t like top of my list of things i’d want to see but it’s definitely one of the more plausible things

dapc behind the scenes content its either happening or it will never be spoken of

honestly idk if they would do reactions to the super amazing project. bc like what vids would they choose. maybe i can see them referencing it or discussing it if someone asked or in a live but idk about reaction vids.

ok draw my life would be fun and i’d watch them. i’d watch an updated dil draw my life too. they put so much effort into that dil draw my life. maybe an updated one for dil’s 10th birthday will happen? that would be pretty fun.

i think if i had to choose it would be a ditl vid. top 3 would be ditl, mukbang or literally just any sit down talk vid, and another baking video. ditl may literally just be bc of nostalgia i don’t really see it happening again but who knows. again just a poll about which vid you’d want to see if you could magic up a dnp vid i definitely know some of these aren’t coming back or very unlikely to

[yonpote]

ive been so fascinated by how much of a liar phil is lately (i mean this in the most complimentary way like the wall he has up between him and his content compared to dan is so interesting, the way they balance each other out), so it was cool to see a few posts discussing it the other day. im curious, what videos do you think youd consider phil to be the most "mask-off" in? trying to collect them for my #studies lol

hmmm hard to say! ofc the softlaunch era was when both of them started getting a bit more real, but phil still had a lot of barriers up even as they were slowly allowing themselves to signal queerness. a moment i think about a lot recently is in "coming out- one year later." i think this video is way more real than the coming out video itself. of course COTY is 100% equally as important as BIG, but phil intentionally kept it lowkey and more comedic than full seriousness because it was meant to be, for phil, just coming out to more people as he was already out to the people most important to him and comfortable with not talking about it publicly, compared to BIG which had all of dan's comedic tones ofc but was ultimately about him having to finally confront this deepseated trauma he's had his whole life. and so phil's more lowkey video as well as quote tweeting dan's video as his Actual coming out was meant to uplift dan's voice more as (while im not saying phil didnt go thru trauma bc tbh every gay kid in the 90s did), it pertained to something that phil felt had a more poignant message.

SO! in his 1 year update on Being Publicly Gay, there's a moment where phil talks about how he didn't realize the impact that coming out as a public figure would have on him because he felt that, well he already had his coming out journey so it's not a huge deal, but in reality it was this giant sigh of relief. he talks about how he doesnt feel as stressed about having to hide everything or accidentally slipping up and saying something gay, and he talks about the impact that the fan reaction has had on him, people thanking him and telling him that they related so much to his experiences and he helped them come out to family or even coming out in the comments section. i guess because his goal of that video was for it to be a quieter coming out than dan's, he just didn't realize how big it actually was for HIM until he'd done it. and when he talks about this he gets forreal emotional and like, gets real quiet and smiles to himself and seems like he might be about to cry. which is like. CRAZY cuz not only has he never cried on camera but all anecdotes abt phil were like "oh phil never cries even irl" "yeah i just keep them all back" like not that he's not emotional but he's not like dan who cries at movies or me who is currently crying while typing this up over how emotional this all makes me LOL. like.... AAAAHHH it's so good, like ofc with the dapg renaissance we're now seeing a more Adult side of phil's sense of humor and personality and he and dan are just generally speaking more themselves around each other, but like. that moment really fucking HITS DIFFERENT.

[tyquu]

Here's the Ben whump rant i talked abt in my last post,,,

Ofc heed the triggers and what not: Blood, injury, ect ect

Also take everything here with a serious handful of salt, im being dramatic as heck. So if you don't wanna see me get serious abt something that's not that deep, this probably isn't the rant for you <3

Anywho...

Do you ever think about just how often Ben gets the absolute crap beat out of him? Like in Grudge Match, I forgot how many times he gets flung about in his human form. He's ten years old, his bones are way too weak for all that. The amount of head injuries he must get is insane, and Max never once seems to take Ben's injuries seriously. 

Like that time Ben gets sick after sitting in the back of an ice cream van for like,, twenty minutes. He's ill to the point it's actively inhibiting his ability to play hero, blinding wildmutt with gunked up sensors and taking the heat out of heatblast. He's pale and sniffly and looks like shit, but Max still makes the executive decision to drag him out on errands instead of giving him time to rest. 

Also just cause he takes the majority of damage in his alien forms doesn’t mean those injuries suddenly have no impact at all. I think in alien force they were toying with idea of his injuries carrying over becoming more of a problem for him, with his busted knee in season one, and black eye in the episode where he gets grounded. Either way, it’s still implied that wounds translate over after he de-transforms, even if to a lesser extent. Not to mention all the scrapes and little injuries he must get from de-transforming mid battle (on the occasions he does).

FUCK, I mean Ben actually displays short term memory loss as a direct result of getting hit in the head in alien force, and Gwen isn't concerned about it probably because she grew up with Grandpa Max not being concerned about it. She doesn't realise just how dangerous this level of head injury is, what the brain inflammation and possible bleeding could do to him. She's probably looked him in the eyes, with his pupils blown wide, dazed and confused about his whereabouts, and then buried her concern because it's nothing new right? Ben's been dealing with stuff like this since he was 10, and Max, the ever responsible adult, never shows the appropriate amount of concern for it, so it makes sense that both Gwen and Ben don’t consider these things serious until its too late. 

Like not to get all dramatic about this and over think it (more so than I already am lol) but I’m positive this stuff would have long term consequences for Ben’s health as he enters adult hood, or even before then. Trouble recalling things, ringing in his ears, migraines and headaches as well a light sensitivity, all of these are symptoms of repeated and serious head trauma. Not to mention, paired with my personal headcanons about the burning chemical sensation of having the omnitrix fused to his flesh, leaking fluid into his bloodstream and scorching his skin. Or the chronic nosebleeds I think he would have as a result of all these other health complications. There's just a LOT that can be done with Ben whump, and I’m surprised it isn’t talked about/thought about more? 

Folks love the idea of Ben being functionally immortal (at least from injury related death), and the power fantasy that comes with being the weilder of the omnitrix, but what about the fact that he’s just some guy?? That the omnitrix failsafe doesn’t protect him from everything, and that if the injuries are bad enough to have triggered the failsafe in the first place, then where does that leave him in terms of recovering from them??? Sorry, sorry, crazy moment.