#im too tired to make other metaphors but you get it

[quodekash]

I didnt get enough sleep last night but its not my fault qtoey fuckin kissed

hes literally the most babygirl in this entire show

HIM FRANTICALLY CLEANING UP I LOVE HIM SM

I love this more than I can ever possibly describe

it's so silly

so goofy

HES SO GOOFY

they should kiss again I think

babes your voice just got three octaves higher, do better at lying next time

who the FUCK is this guy and why is he being introduced in episode 7 of 16 (apparently 16??? it's wild that this show is supposed to be 16 episodes long (according to mdl?) cos we're not even halfway through the show and 2 out of 4 of the main couples have officially kissed, and 1 is officially together. which is insane when you think about how msp is 12 episodes long and tinngun didnt properly kiss til thE END OF THE LAST FUCKING EPISODE)

(no im never getting over this, they COULD have counted 67 FUCKING TIMES throughout the show and they fucking DIDNT)

anyway this guy is probably gonna be a main part of the drama that's gonna go down in order to keep this show long enough 😭

why cant we just keep the light and fluffy show as it is and keep spreading joy and dopamine straight to my bones

two adorable little munchkins standing next to each other

theyre my sons

THAT LITTLE GIGGLE I CANT

whAT rEAlLY???

he asked if he could hit on you, then asked if he could KISS you, AND THEN YALL FUCKIN MADE OUT IN A HAUNTED HOUSE

AND THEN WHEN YOU SAW HIM TODAY, HE MADE SILLY KISSY LIPS AT YOU

so I suggest you all give up on this "plan", and change to this real plan: march up to him, ask him out, plant a kiss on his cheek, take your fuckin artist easels and canvases to a fuckin beach at sunset, paint and make out

oml pun's an astrology girlie

HOLY FUCK ITS HAPPENING

what the fuck no why does it look like its gonna get angsty, I cant do this :(

dont make me watch toey sob, I dont want that, I want them to make out again :((

im so confused dude why is he so angry

I genuinely dont get it

I mean im watching at 2x speed so I can get through this quickly so I might've missed some dialogue somewhere or smth, but still

why's he angry

idk why he's angry but I do know one thing: satang is too fucking good at portraying anguish

im too tired to process words so im not entirely sure what he means but I think it sounds poetic so we're gonna go with that

(ahem) THATS SO BEAUTIFUL WTF

WHAT THE FUCK

brb just gonna rip my fucking SOUL out

"its like im sitting in a vast grassy field with a gentle breeze under a bright sky" OKAY WTF ARE THE GMM WRITERS READING MY TUMBLR POSTS OR SMTH

THATS LITERALLY HOW I DESCRIBED THE WAY WIN PROBABLY FEELS ABOUT SOUND

its why his heart doesnt beat fast for sound, he just doesnt have that kind of crush, its more of a relaxing crush, like a gentle breeze

ill fucking find the post if I can

I literally wrote an extended metaphor poem combined with a fic about it

what the fuck dude

if they're watching my posts then why havent they given us my satang and perth siblings agenda yet

and where is the markford series

gmm I know you're looking at this, answer my fucking questions guys

I LOVE THEIR FRIEND GROUP SO FUCKING MUCH DUDE

they all just make me so happy 😭😭😭

okay but he didnt know you were milk frappe boy when hE FUCKING MADE OUT WITH YOU IN A HAUNTED HOUSE

theyre holdin hansssss

is what I think and want to happen about to happen

that wasnt grammar but its fine

THEYF CYKING END IT THERE??

BUT HES ALL PUCKERED UP

HES READY

ALSO THEYRE IN A SCHOOL HALLWAY AND IT WOULD BE REALLY FUNNY

WTF

I HAVE TO WAIT A FUCKING WEEK TO FEEL JOY????

COME ON MAN

oh fuck yes next week theyre goi g to a volunteer camp

volunteer camp episodes are always comfort episodes so thjis is gonna be GOOD

PUN DID IT BC HE WANTS QTOEY TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER??? BRO HE'STHE WINGMAN OF ALL TIME

well anyway I just wanna see qtoey kiss again :(

ill rewatch that one scene in the meantime

buhbye for now my friends, see yous next week

[jinkicake]

~♡ Date Nights ♡~

(( Day #5 )) Matsukawa, Atsumu, Tsukishima, Ushijima x Reader

A/N: the entire reason i was able to write so much when i first started this account was because everyone requested haikyuu all the time T T like... i have to write about them again for you all one more time! 

also, im obsessed w sakuatsu (again) and their fics inspired me to finish this

WC - 2,161

~~~

Matsukawa Issei

“Hey, baby,” The sound of Matsukawa’s low voice, lazily drawing out each word, nearly makes you swoon. It’s as if the second he opens his door and you step into his apartment, you’re engulfed in a warm hug. Literally and metaphorically. 

Your boyfriend doesn’t give you the chance to remove your shoes or place down your things before he wraps his arms around your shoulders. His brute strength comes into play as he pulls you into his chest and squeezes you in his hold. 

“‘Missed you today,” His voice croons into your ears, sending a shiver up your spine. You nearly start to squirm, he has a hold on you that you truly cannot explain. 

“I missed you too,” You pat his forearm and then wrap your arms around his wide waist. When Matsukawa stands on top of you like this, it becomes undeniably clear just how much taller he is than you. Your height difference will be the death of you one day, you’re sure of it. “even though we saw each other like yesterday."

“Too long ago,” Once more, your boyfriend squeezes you and then lets you go. You can feel his intense stare as you walk through his apartment, it bores two holes in your back as you kick off your shoes and place your bags on his counter. 

The sight of takeout has Matsukawa feeling more affection than usual. 

“(Y/N),” After his brief whine, you feel his arms snake around your waist again. He’s practically leaning on you without placing too much of his weight, it’s as if you’re being encased in a thick blanket. “you brought food?”

His question is followed by a few pecks, his lips instantly finding your neck. Matsukawa lifts himself up slightly to remove your hair out of his way, pushing it all to one side before he burrows his face into the crook of your neck. Gently, he places kiss after kiss under your ear and then down the side of your jaw. 

“I fucking love you,” 

“Are you talking about me or the food?” You tease, and it makes the man scoff. Matsukawa squeezes your hips in retaliation before brushing his lips over your ear. 

“I would never do the shit I do with you with food,” He rolls his eyes, even without seeing him, you just know it. In his arms, you turn around on the balls of your feet to face him. There is some slight resistance from your boyfriend but, as soon as he notices that you’re still in his hold, he lets you continue. 

You stare up at him with an expected look and he matches it evenly with a soft smile. Matsukawa leans forward to place a soft kiss to your lips, his nose gently brushing against your own. The proximity of your bodies makes your head spin. Even a date in the most casual setting has your heart beating a hundred miles per second. You blame him, you blame Matsukawa with no hesitation. 

“I love you.” This time, he pulls away to look into your eyes as he confesses. It’s enough to make you gasp as your heart flutters in your chest. You’ll never get tired of hearing him say that. 

Miya Atsumu

“Atsumu,” You cautiously call out to your boyfriend who is, at the moment, scrolling through his phone. He hums warmly, glancing at you to offer a quick smile before focusing on the lollipop in his mouth. “if this is a date, why is Bokuto here?”

It’s hard to ignore the giant outside hitter planted in the middle of your couch, right between you and your boyfriend. He makes Hinata, who is sitting in front of the tv, nonexistent with his sheer size. 

“He brings us lollipops, (Y/N), you can’t kick the guy out,” Atsumu waves the cherry treat in front of you, reaching over with his exceptionally long arms. You grab it without a second thought and stubbornly stick it in your mouth. 

Your platinum boyfriend gaps dramatically but, is soon shut up with another lollipop in his face. Bokuto hands him another sweet without hesitation as he stares intensely at the TV. The controller you normally use for your switch is in Hinata’s hands as he and Bokuto both fail at playing Mario Party.

As you look around it almost feels like something, someone, is missing.

“Where is-” The doorbell to your shared apartment rings and being the closest one to the door, you get up to open it. Atsumu is right behind you, no doubt going to check the door before you open it. He handles it like a case, holding his hand up to keep you back as he sneakily looks through the peephole. 

His nerdy dramatics make you roll your eyes, affectionately of course. 

“Move, ‘Tsumu," You push him out of your way to open the door and practically beam at the other player in your doorway. “Sakusa! I’m so glad you’re here!” The outside hitter offers you a similar greeting back with a genuine smile underneath his mask, it’s seen in the way his eyes crinkle slightly. 

“Why?” Atsumu turns up his nose and then coughs loudly as you hit him in the gut. You swat him in the side with the back of your hand and Atsumu, growing up with a brother, stumbles back against the wall to put on a show of dramatics.

“Sorry,” You still apologize, patting his head while Sakusa laughs and moves to sit by Bokuto. Now with two giant volleyball players on your couch, there is  certainly not enough room for you and your boyfriend in the living room. “where are we going to sit?”

“You can sit with me!” And as Atsumu pats his thighs, you lower yourself to the floor and into his lap with a sigh. There is little hesitation on your part to sit with him and Atsumu happily greets you as he wraps his arms tightly around your shoulder and places a wet kiss against your cheek. 

“You’re so gross,” You wipe off the cherry taste of his lips before placing your own gentle peck against the corner of his mouth. Hidden behind the couch now, you’re not afraid to privately shower him in love.

“You love it,” He winks before throwing one of his arms into the air “I call next round! (Y/N) is going to be on my team, the dream team, right, babe?” 

With such a sweet look on his face, how can you say no?

Tsukishima Kei

You always feel blessed at the sight of your boyfriend. As difficult as he may be, as indifferent as he tries to appear to you, you know better. He stands out compared to everyone else in your life. 

Even now as you leave your work, you’re surprised to see him waiting for you. He towers among the rest of the crowd heading for the station, his presence is powerful to you but almost nonexistent to others. Had you not known any better, you would have thought he hated to wait there.

You can see the blush on his cheeks as you approach him, the red dusting over his ear, and it all makes sense as to why when you notice the bouquet in his hands. A petite size, bright and in full bloom filled with your favorite color. You nearly awe as you continue to stare at it.

“Kei?” Finally, you call out to him and he tears his eyes away from the other side of the street. “What are you doing here?”

“I felt like being nice,” He murmurs and gently hands you the flowers, he brushes his fingers against your own as he passes them to you and the electricity almost makes you jump. “we have a date tonight. Don’t we?”

Your jaw nearly drops.

“I-I mean we do but, I thought we were just going to eat in and laugh at your old teammate’s fails?” You walk in step with Tsukishima as you begin the path back to your apartment, mentally making a subtle note of the way he slows his strides for you. “Kodzuken posted another compilation of fails that include Hinata, Kageyama, and Bokuto. I saw the notification during lunch,” Each of your fingers lower as you count the players facing the wrath of the youtuber and you can only applaud the creator for the free entertainment. 

“That’s fine with me,” Tsukishima lowers his face further into his scarf, trying to cover his nose from the brisk cold. 

“Do you want to do something else?” You ask and step closer to him to avoid anyone else walking beside you. Tsukishima eyes your position before wrapping his gloved hand around your bicep and pulling you into his side. 

“You know I like to stay home,” He murmurs but, you find it hard to be convinced.

“Are you sure? We can do something else if you want?”

“Why would I want to do anything else besides watching Hinata fall on his face and Kageyama get a volleyball served into his gut?” His brisk attitude makes you laugh and affectionally pinch his waist. 

“You suck but, I’m also the same.” It’s true that you and Tsukishima would have never gotten along as well as you have if you weren’t both (#)haters. Only someone as spiteful as you are can match up to him. “I like doing anything as long as it’s with you,”

“Cornball.” Tsukishima scrunches his face at your cheesy words and you roll your eyes in response. He can try to deny it all he wants but he is just as much of a cornball as you. You’re holding proof of it in your hand. “But, I like you, whatever.”

He always lets you win. 

“I know."

Ushijima Wakatoshi

Never again will you let Ushijima pick an outdoor date spot.

“Is this not fun?” Your boyfriend’s concern weighs heavy on you like a boulder resting on your shoulders, you’d hate to upset him. 

“No, no, it is fun!” You pant and brace yourself against a wooden railing. “This is so fun, so much fun!” Nature is not your forte and to the best of your ability, you try to hide it.

“Is this sarcasm?” Ushijima stares at you expectedly as if he is trying to decode the active front you’ve put up. 

“I told you I would tell you if I was being sarcastic.” You lie straight through your teeth and cover it with a bright smile. “I love hiking.”

“We don’t have to go to the summit, we can just have our picnic down at the base.” As Ushijima looks around the area, you nervously glance at the topic of the mountain. There are cable cars the higher the two of you go but, you still have a ways to go before you can get on one. 

“I’m fine, totally fine!”

“Oh, well, I am not fine.” His blunt personality is something you’re still getting used to and right now, you can’t tell what he is trying to do. “I am tired and do not want to hike.”

“Really?” You eye him in an attempt to read him completely, but it doesn’t work. “I feel like you’re lying.”

“That makes two of us then.” Ushijima’s hard eyes make you gasp and you quickly try to cover it as you turn away from him. “I know now that you hate hiking and that is okay.”

“Is it? I really wanted to do something that you like.” You frown, a pout deep on your face. Gently, your boyfriend places his hand on your shoulder and cups it entirely with his large palm.

“I do not like hiking.” His blank expression is a complete 180 from your own shocked one right now. You continue to stare at him with a raised brow and Ushijima takes the initiative to continue before you make up your own reasonings for him. “I do like being active but,” He pauses and tries to find the right words. 

Ushijima can’t because, as much as he tries, he does like being active outdoors. He can’t keep up his lies in front of you. 

“I am not disappointed that you do not share my interest. I like that we are different, (Y/N).”

“I know but, I just feel bad.” You glance back at the summit and try to shake the picture of it out of your head. “Maybe we can eat first and then try again?”

“Sure.” He smiles and it’s a supportive gesture that makes your heart clench painfully tight. As Ushijima guides you to a park table, he leads you with his hand on your lower back. His other hand holds your lunchboxes all neatly wrapped up and placed in your bag. “I like to be around you, that is all I wanted from today. Do you understand?”

You hesitantly nod and Ushijima covers any lingering insecurities with a kiss on the top of your head. 

“Good.”

[fipindustries]

oppen heimer style

let me just start this by saying that this is not necesarily nolan being back to form, necesarily. i would place it just above the rest of nolan's dark period known as intersrellar, dunkirk and tenet. but that is not an exceedingly high bar to pass.

he has sadly become a director that i still respect appreciate and whose movies i enjoy but whom i can no longer say is an unmatched genius.

lets start with the bad.

its too long, and its pacing its a little awkward, no need to worry for spoilers here since we all know the history. the big money shot that we were all expecting, the trinity test, it happens roughly at the middle of the movie and after that the movie struggles to reach any other point of heightened emotion as high as that one.

its a solid three hour experience and more than once it had me wondering "ok, how much left, are we done yet?" but i will say this: once i reached the final scene and the credits start i did not feel a tired relief that it was finaly over, thank god. i feel dread, i felt doom and dread. i was fucking terrified. this movie has a good strong final scene that makes you forget of previous tests of patience you might have gone through watching it.

it tries to do this weird parallel story telling between lewis strauss and oppenheimer that it feels like they tried to film two different movies and then awkwardly splie them together. it jumps back and forth between the past and the present told form different points of view and a lot of it feels like it could have been cut out and the movie would have worked just as well. im not sure how necessary was the whole lewis strauss subplot to be honest.

the characters and dialog work a little better than in previous movies although we still get a lot of scenes of people talking in a clinical manner with expository dialog and deep philosophical musings. but once again i will say nolan seems to be learning some lessons, we do get a lot of scenes where actors are allowed to flex their emotional muscles.

in a lot of ways this is nolan's most lurid film. i think this is the first time we get to see breasts and naked people having sex in a nolan movie and it hits hard, both because of how unexpected it is in a nolan film and because of how out of context it shows up in-universe. i dont actually want to spoil this one because the effect it achieves actually worked really well.

and now moving on to the good, if i mentioned this might be nolan at his most lurid, it is certainly also at his most poetic. sure there is inception, but in here we get to see a lot of surrealist or downright metaphorical scenes without the excuse of being inside a dream. we get to see things that are not happening literally in universe but that are an artistic representation of what the characters are feeling. it felt really effective.

the man himself

this is a movie that is very much about the titular guy and trying to understand his inner world, trying to understand who the hell was this person, and honestly, where did he get off.

it seems oppenheimer was a complicated man, whose actions and desitions were sometimes confusing, sometimes downright contradictory (there is a nice wink to this when talking about the paticle/wave duality at the beggining of the film). he was a communist, he was a proud american, he was a genius, he was painfully naive,he was merely following orders but he had absolute control over his little town in los alamos, he worked hard for peace, he created nuclear war, he built a bomb that he didnt want people to use.

i heard criticisms that this movie romanticizes his work, that it may excuse or justify the use of the bomb, that it may be too kind with the guy. rest assured it doesnt. the movie brings up multiple times how the japanese were basically already surrendering, how senseless and callous and cruel the use on japanese cities was, how attrocious and horrifying the effects of the bomb were. and how oppenheimer definely contributed to it. if it shows the guy hand wringing or feeling gulty or trying to be a martyr of sorts, the movie definetly calls him out on that too by saying that its very rich of him to have done the deed and then regret it as if he didnt knew what he was doing or as if he had no control over it. a lot of times the movie shows the man as spineless, as a moral coward, as someone who was too weak to take on a position. "you dont get to commit a sin and then make everyone else feel pity for you because there are consequences!" is yelled at his face.

yet all the same, either because he is portrayed by cyllian murphy and his puppy dog eyes or because nolan deep down still admires who he was and what he did, you cant help but feel bad for the guy and like him still. he was a person, a complicated person with ugly sides that this movie in no way ignores, but still a brilliant man who at the very least had the basic decency to feel bad for the atrocities he contributed to.

going back to the movie itself

its has a weirdly star studded cast. if you were surprised by the sudden appearance of matt damon in interstellar, get ready to have that feeling multiple times during this film, every other scene suddenly shows up a hollywood megastar and it will take a few seconds before you accept ok, i guess gary oldman is in this film, and is that rami malek? and oh right, robert downy junior and oh my god is that fucking kenneth brannagh. in fact the one hollywood actor who is NOT in this movie, is surprisingly, inexplicably enough michael caine.

truly, breaking new ground.

and the cameos dont stop at the stars, the characters themselves are a constant delightful surprise if you are into the history of quantum mechanics and science in the first half of the 20th century. you have einstein of course (presented as this old exiled king, his time of glory long past but still sough after for his wisdom) but you have also bohrs, heisenberg, feynman, fermi, and fucking gödel somehow (they managed to shoe in a comment about his paranoia and hipocondry)

the actual explosion

time to talk about the thing we all went to see this movie for. is the atomic explosion cool? is it big? is it loud? does it go boom? does it look cool?.

suffice to say. yes. one of the coolest experiences i had in watching film ever in my life. it has a build up of a solid 30 minutes or so (arguably its been building up the entire movie) the tensin keeps on rising all through out. the countdown slowly advances, the expectations are at the highest theyve ever been and by the time the bomb was actually about to go off in the middle of the american desert, the first atom bomb ever exploted, my heart was hammering out of my chest.

its fully worth the price of admission and the three hours.

final comments

i want to double back to the poetic filmmaking i mentioned early to comment about the main thing its used for. nolan makes it clear in no uncertain terms the horror that atomic weapons unleashed on the world. the man goes out of his way to make it clear, these things can destroy the planet. we've all become perhaps a bit desensitized to atomic explosion in film, made more and more espectacular with the advancement of cgi. but this movie brings it back home and leaves you with a last message about the danger of nuclear proliferation.

i walked out of the theatre with my legs shaking and my eyes falling out of my skull. i had a hard time talking a bit afterwards, i was a little shell shocked.

so, i guess in the end, my thoughts on this movie are just as complicated as the man himself, the man who oppenheimed the world.

8/10

[forsakenmissives]

inspired by @izzyspussy’s prompt. hope u dont mind?? lol also tw for mention of james tartt. yknow how it is — also im thinking this takes place around the start of the season after the show ends 💚 but also (thanks nonny!) just pretend eras tour came out 2021 and barbie came out 2022 and not. now LOL

It starts as less than a handful of Tweets. Honestly, Jamie laughs at the first one, then scrolls by and completely misses the rest. And then he sees a group of lads donning West Ham merch pointing at him while on his morning run (sans Roy, who had to bow out due to a cold, the dick . . . Jamie's planning on picking him up breakfast) and whispering — but not quiet enough — that the Barbie has escaped his box. The Tweets (and comments and replies and DMs) appear more frequently after that.

The pictures of him in his pink tracksuit, tied to Roy’s bike, are passed around again. This time not by his loyal fans who begged for proper HD pics from him and thought he looked good as hell, but by the ones who call him Barbie and think his hair is blond and dumb and that he is just a dumb blond who isn’t even that good at football. At least that last bit could be easily refuted by his stats. He’s damn good at his job, and he knows it.

He doesn’t say anything about it, however, until they’re in the locker room after training, and Isaac huffs at something while looking at his phone. Jamie glances over to see him angling the screen toward him. “They’re callin’ you Barbie, bruv.”

Isaac is a really good friend, like, the best a guy could ask for. But Jamie kind of doesn’t want to think about this. “Yeah, I saw. It’s a compliment, innit? And kind of fittin’. I’m perfect, I’m everything. I am Barbie, ain’t I?”

At his easy dismissal, Isaac brightens up, grinning, and Jamie grins back. He finds the Tweet he was shown and posts a good selfie he took a few days ago, captioning it, I am everything. You wanna be Ken? It’s a bit stupid, but the insult is stupid too, so he thinks he’s allowed it.

The thing is — he wants to be unbothered by the nickname. The Barbie movie was fucking awesome, and though he’s still on thin ice with Keeley, even after their strictly-business trip to Brazil, they put aside their differences . . . that is, they put aside Jamie’s fuck-up to go and watch one of the screenings together. Yeah. It was fucking awesome. And he loves women. Like, major respect.

But the condemnations of the word are a knife’s edge away from a whiskey-tinged voice hissing soft and little bitch in his ear, and Jamie really can’t fucking deal with that right now. And he had gone and seen James in rehab, just for a couple hours, and he doesn’t regret going and seeing him, and he actually thinks it’s fucking mint the man’s getting help. He even enjoyed going through the old photos of his grandparents and James as a baby and even some of his own photos, when his mum looked a little less tired and he wasn’t afraid to smile too brightly. And in rehab, James is given limited Internet time, so the chances of him seeing the insults, seeing Jamie being called a girls’ toy, something pretty and pink, are small, and even if he does see, what can he do? They won’t just let him leave while obviously on some rampage.

It’s not like Jamie plans on going back to the man any time soon anyway. He’s not James Tartt’s anything. They just share a name. So what?

Jamie jumps at the touch of a hand on his shoulder. He pockets his phone (his Quote Tweet is now at twenty thousand likes and counting), and when he turns, it’s Roy, staring at him with those impossibly dark eyes and wild brows that make them even darker.

“Hi, coach,” he says with a grin.

Roy grunts back.

Jamie stays still for another second before blinking. “Got any wisdom for me?”

The other guys have begun to clear out, and now it’s just them and Beard still in the coaches’ office. And Will, who seems to be some metaphor for God, the way he’s always around, not even lurking, just . . . around.

Finally, Roy says, “Good pass. Don’t be late tomorrow.”

It’s so unbearably Roy that it makes Jamie sick. It also suggests there’s more he’s not saying, but Jamie isn’t sure what. He doesn’t push, however, just salutes him. “‘Course, coach,” he leans back on his heels, “dark and early, yeah?”

Roy nods, then pivots and mechanically goes back to the office. Jamie watches him go before turning and gathering his things. As he packs, he can practically feel Roy’s eyes on his back, but he knows when he turns, both him and Beard will be staring down at things on their desks. Whatever.

Jamie doesn’t run into anyone on his way out, and he’s grateful, taking a breath when he gets in his car then speeding off. He feels itchy under his skin, like when his foot falls asleep but the sensation is all over his body, and he kind of regrets leaving Nelson Road because he thinks running a few extra laps up and down the pitch would soothe him, if only a little bit. Despite this, when he gets home, he just gets out of his car and goes inside. It’s not that he’s worried about a repeat of his solo jog that one morning. It’s just really hot outside, what with it being late July and all, and he just showered, like, thirty minutes ago.

Every time a notification goes off on his phone, his stomach flips in a really awful way. Jamie turns off his phone.

Maybe now that he’s said something, it’ll die down. Since he’s made it clear he’s not bothered by it, that he can take whatever they give, they’ll stop.

And then, the first match of the season, Jamie walks onto the pitch, and a familiar song starts up. It’s not his song — but it’s certainly for him.

“Are they singing . . . ‘Barbie Girl’?” Colin asks from behind him.

“And changing the pronoun to ‘he’,” Jan adds, helpful as ever.

Jamie catches sight of one of the cameras recording the match, grins and sticks out his tongue, and when he looks to the opposing fans’ side, he even gives a little bow. Just for them. He thinks about something Lasso said to him once about bullying, after he stopped being a dick to Nate and asked why Ted never stepped in. Acknowledging it almost always makes it worse. Sorry that Jamie had believed in the ‘almost’.

;

After getting booted from Keeley’s and after a dinner at a kebab place that Jamie knows is good because Roy didn’t actually make him sit and watch — he picked bits of lamb from the skewer and placed them on the napkin i​​n front of Jamie without a word — it’s not unusual for him and Roy to get dinner together. Sometimes it’s just them at Roy’s, who’s a better cook than his mum but not better than Simon, and sometimes it’ll be at a pub, and sometimes they’ll go to a restaurant. It was with ruddy cheeks that Roy admitted the kebab shop was like his church, but Jamie wasn’t judging. He thinks he understood the ecstasy of St Theresa after a bite of that lamb.

Tonight, however, Roy drops Jamie off at his place, and then parks the car and follows him in.

“Uh,” Jamie says when Roy stands in the entryway, a hand behind his back, posture stiff, “can I help you?”

“Go to your room,” Roy replies, and Jamie’s eyes go wide, and he says, “O-kay, Daddy,” before he backtracks, but Roy is backtracking too. “I mean, go somewhere that isn’t behind me or the kitchen.”

Jamie’s mouth drops into an ‘o’. “Right. Okay. I’ll just go to the living room, then.”

Roy nods, and Jamie walks slowly to the couch, backwards so he can watch Roy watching him.

He manages to sit still on his couch for a good two minutes, listening to Roy clattering about his kitchen, before he hops up and goes to sit at his dining table instead. It’s there that he sees a paper bag, and it takes everything in him not to peek into it. At the sound of the chair scraping against the floor, Roy leans back from where he’d had his head stuck in Jamie’s fridge, and he turns to look back at Jamie, who smiles innocently at him. He even waggles his fingers in a wave for good measure.

Roy rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling, so Jamie thinks it’s fine, and he doesn’t think about how good it feels to be the one behind Roy Kent’s smile. Roy goes back to rummaging through the fridge.

Eventually, Jamie gets roped into helping out, but all his complaints are customary, and he thinks if he had allowed himself — if he had been allowed — to dream about domesticity, this is exactly how it would’ve been. Right down to the celebrity footballer. It’s kind of perfect.

Then, Jamie’s phone goes off.

It’s his news app, which he keeps forgetting to turn off the notifications for, and it irritates him every time, but especially when he actually clicks the notification ‘cause the story looks interesting, only to find out he’s somehow already used up his articles for the month, and would he please be willing to spare a few pounds every month for more? In theory, yes, he is willing. In practice . . . he has other places to put his money.

That being said, the irritation he feels then is nothing compared to the humiliation he feels now, reading the headline: This Barbie is a Footballer: AFC Richmond Jamie Tartt’s new song.

Roy is turned the other way, so luckily, he can’t see the way Jamie’s smile immediately drops from his face. This shit isn’t even important! It’s just some stupid fan war mess, the opponents’ fans trying to get in his head, and it’s not fucking working, alright? He doesn’t care. He’s just embarrassed that it’s apparently made the news. It’s really not a big deal.

When he looks up from his phone, Roy is looking at him. Jamie swallows.

“It’s nothin’,” he tells him. “Just some politician, saying some stupid thing. Sam sent it to me to rant.”

Roy nods, but he looks like he doesn’t believe him. Jamie’s voice had wavered in the middle, so he doesn’t believe himself either. But he still doesn’t budge, just leans back against the counter and waits for Roy to either turn away or say something in return. Roy turns away. Over his shoulder, he says, “I have something for you after we eat.”

“Whatever’s in the bag?” Jamie asks. Roy grunts. “Is it concert tickets? Am I goin’ to see Taylor fucking Swift? The bag’s just to throw me off, obviously.”

“Fuck no,” Roy’s response is, pun intended, swift and immediate. Jamie grins. “You’ll see later. Just . . . wait.”

Jamie groans. “Fine. But it better be good, since you got me all excited for the concert.”

Roy gives him a stern glare. Jamie puts his hands up, then gets back to washing the dishes they’re done using.

All throughout their meal, Jamie struggles to sit still, and his eyes, without fail, return to the bag. It becomes enough of a problem that Roy takes the bag and hides it in his lap, but Jamie’s no coward, so his gaze still wanders to — well.

“The quicker you finish eating, the sooner you get to see it,” Roy growls out around his own mouthful of salmon and quinoa (Jamie was surprised he had those things in his freezer and cupboard too, but it made a damn good meal, so he’s not complaining).

Jamie grows a lot more focussed after that, and he’s done within minutes — nay, seconds. Roy raises his eyebrows in approval. Jamie licks the leftover glaze for the salmon off his fork for good measure. Roy looks down at his plate.

Once Roy finishes eating, the paper bag makes its triumphant return, Roy setting it between them. He nods his head at it, and Jamie takes it quickly, before the other can change his mind and take it back.

He doesn’t expect what he pulls out, but he feels like he should. He looks between the Barbie and Roy, who’s staring at Jamie with a gaze so intense Jamie worries he might burn up from it. If this had been bestowed to him any time the year before, especially from Roy, he’d think it a continuation of the insult. But all he feels right now is laughter, the weight in his stomach turning into something bubbly and light that works its way up his throat and past his lips. Slowly — because he’s out of practice, the old fart — Roy begins to smile back.

The stupid fucking made-to-move soccer Barbie is even wearing an England kit, and when Jamie turns her around, he grins at the number and name on the back.

“You fucking dick,” he says, the words coming out as a hiss through his teeth, that’s how hard he’s grinning.

“You’re Jamie fucking Tartt,” Roy replies, and Jamie wishes he had a word to describe the look the other was sending him, but the best he can do is say how it makes him feel — really fucking good; like nothing could ever hurt him; like there is no one else in the world but the two of them; like he could go win the World Cup, the FA Cup, all the Leagues, every award in the football world, and not break a single sweat. It makes him feel a lot like he’s in love.

Roy’s not done: “You are everything. Who gives a shit if some pricks call you Barbie? You fucking own it, Jamie. You are every-fucking-thing, and they’re not even Ken.”

And Jamie will make fun of him for it later, that he’s more than aware of the movie’s tagline, but at the moment, he’s clutching the Barbie to his chest like a lifeline, and he feels a sting behind his eyes, like tears are threatening to spill, and his cheeks hurt with how hard he’s smiling.

Roy clears his throat. “Phoebe said there are ways you can change the hair, but . . . don’t use heat. It’s plastic. You can cut it or dye it fucking . . . walnut haze or whatever.”

Jamie doesn’t even correct him that it’s walnut mist. He’s close enough.

He gives the doll one last squeeze. “Thanks, Roy, I mean it.”

Roy doesn’t reply, just gives a grunt and nods his head. That’s alright too. Jamie looks down at the doll again, then leans back in his seat. He holds it up to his face, angles her head so they’re cheek-to-cheek more or less.

“Like twins, ain’t we?”

And Jamie wonders if maybe there were something in the food, or maybe in their drinks, because it seems like Roy can’t stop smiling either.

;

The opposing fans are at it again. Jamie sees Roy glance back at him and grins. He considers mouthing all good, coach, but he’s more interested in using one arm to wave and the other to hold his Barbie up the same way he had when it was just him and Roy, teeth bared all the while. The crowd goes wild, of course.

He’s Jamie fucking Tartt. He’s everything. Of course no one is going to think of him as just Ken — that’s just ridiculous.

in case you can’t tell “condemnations” is supposed to be “connotations”. ily jamieisms 💚 also i wrote this rly fast on my phone so sorry & now on ao3 if u'd prefer to read it there ✌️

[trainingdummyrabbit]

society if we actually finally got mad rat dead 2 and/or DLC

WOE . YOUVE ACTIVATED MY HYPERFIXATION TRAP CARD.

first of all: real and true. its been several years and th madrat plushie still isnt finished being plushie'd iirc. its so funny. second of all: i have Opinions about this topic ok listen ok ok. im going to get a Little annoying abt it. apawlogies.

(so um, obviously, mrd spoilers. im being serious youshould play mrd if you havent already i love it dearly ok. thankyou.)

ilove this funny little game so much and id love to see it mentioned and appreciated more than it is with all of my heart. that being said; we do Not need a sequel. honestly, the dlc route i think would fit much better-- something id personally love to see. because again; the whole Coming To Terms With Death thing. mad rats arc revolves around that! getting to live the way he wants to; leaving his mark in a way he feels satisfied with-- thats the whole Thing. not only this, but heart and rat god's characters revolve around it too-- albeit in a different way.

what im saying is that a lot of the time, whenever ive seen discussion of a theoretical sequel, its always just kinda putting everyone back and everyone lives and thats kind of.. it. its hard to make a sequel to a game like this without kinda intrinsically doing that. but that also completely goes against what the story stands for as a whole. the whole mousewheel metaphor, yknow? it feels like itd kinda render everything mad rat and heart did kind of meaningless. like itd remove a lot of the weight of what the story presents.

what i personally think would really work, in terms of extra story, is something more akin to inter-story expansions. details where there werent things before; stages in between what we see in canon. because there's a Lot of things that simply remain unsaid (which i WONT infodump about here itll be an all day thing; what ill say is that this isnt a strictly negative thing) and being able to extrapolate a bit more on heart's-- and especially rat god's-- characters would be a Really fantastic option. heart, as a lead, gets a lot of introspection and screentime, but he also inherently revolves around whatever mad rat chooses to do. its hard to imagine he doesnt have things he doesn't-- or wouldn't-- express. (i think about how willing he was to die with mad rat; how he immediately followed along with him, supported him. what does this say about heart? who He was before all this? how he was before all this?)

and obviously . rat god. all i have to do is point to If We Could Be Friends. it speaks absolute Volumes about who she is and how she functions Despite her role in the story and how she presents herself. between that and everything at the end of Mad Rat Die, there is so much she simply doesnt express of herself. because she doesnt have to. she's Never had to. so to suddenly have to grapple with what you stand for being (successfully!!!) challenged like that-- listen. she has some Serious traits left unexplained, unspoken. as she is in-canon is genuinely fantastic, if horribly tragic by nature. but getting to see just the Smallest bit more of that attitude shine through with a theoretical expansion would kill.

i love how quiet all that is. it fits her. but to add a bit more definition would be Really great. i want to know how everyone would potentially grapple with that-- how she would grapple with that. what i most strongly imagine is a pseudo-noncanon almost dreamsequence type thing-- things still end the way they do, but it serves to simply allow them to be honest with each other, who they are, and really let them settle what fate chose to do with them. maybe they will meet again, in heaven, in hell.

also im tired of people acting like she has no character other than "wants to kill you" and "hashtag girlboss" me when i fuckig get y

[gooopy]

i WANNA HEAR UR OC THOUGHTS TOO NOW ^_^ ^_^

WAWAUGHHHH TYYY!!!!!!! mostly i am thinkiing about teddy... hes a tf2 oc i made and hes jsut Some Guy. he moves to teufort for work reasons and through the power of lead poisoning begins to slowly deteriorate!! he used to work at binski logging (blu associated i think) and got moved to binski paper (red associated) and at first he was pretty sure they were the same company, but at some point he realizes theyre two different companies. it leads him into a little rabbithole spiral about red and blu, and mannco, and everything. so over the course of a few months he goes from normal guy to jittery conspiracy theorist with a corkboard covered in red and blue yarn

hes awesome hes still like a Normal Guy so he sucks at sneaking around trying to get information. he takes bad pictures of the red and blu bases on a little Polaroid camera and he talks through his theories with his cat, walter (awesome cat, girl cat with a boy name, old, always looks sad regardless of mood, missing a leg) and he also looks Not Scary or Threatening on purpose because hes funny. AND! hes a fat tboy. theres a lot in my beautiful mind but ohhh im thinking of him hiding in a bush taking a picture and then riding away on his bike to develop it and pin it to his corkboard and think and theorize.

i think it is fun to think about the comedy inherent in a silly dude, as well as the horror of feeling stupid for not realizing things sooner and the effects of horrible chemical runoff and capitalism and the metaphors of capitalism and large corporations as the same unknowable vastness as an eldritch monster, breaking your mind and turning a normal guy into a man who could hurt someone to get answers. BUT! he has a cute kitty so hes allowed to.

[image id: two drawings of teddy, a fat trans man. the first shows a drawing of him looking tired, hes standing and holding a mop in his hand and resting his other hand on his hip. he has his hair in a ponytail and is wearing a tank top that does not fit fully over his stomach, where you can see his belly button and some stretch marks. hes also wearing jorts and a pair of slippers. theres a dripping bucket beside him and a small doodle of him happily mopping to the side

the second image is a screenshot from a whiteboard. hes drawn in green from behind, speaking to a tired looking cat missing an arm. hes saying "walter keep an eye on my hostage okay?? love you kitty mwah <3" and beside that is a drawing of the same cat making a gross face, with a caption reading "pov your kidnappers cat is abt to throw up on you" end id]

[aihoshiino]

I'm at peak doomerism rn how is this series gonna climb out of the abyss that we've been in and are continuing to see. Even if we get the best outcome (aqua rejection) there's a lot more that needs to be done to lay this shit to rest.

i would very much like to not be known for being having brainworms for a show that ends in inc*st full on please akasaka im begging

i was going to make a joke here about how i'm a person who likes shoujo manga, romance fantasy webtoons and weird eroge so the incest barely even makes me blink anymore but. honestly, i think that is actually Not A Joke.

I totally understand if people have too much of an incest squick or are triggered by incest and just have to get the fuck outta here or even people who are just tired of anime being fucking weird about incest and are dropping the series as a result. Life is too short to read manga that doesn't give you incurable brainworms. But like I said in my previous post, I think talk around the series is sort of... missing the bad writing forest for the incest trees, if you don't mind me torturing that metaphor a bit. But I recognize I can only really say that because I'm both pretty desensitized to incest as a topic (two of my favourite creators are, as previously mentioned, Kunihiko Ikuhara and Yoko Taro LOL) but also because I really like art that challenges me and makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. If something gives me strong feelings or I have a strong negative reaction to something - especially a kneejerk, moral judgement - then it gives me the opportunity to both interrogate why I felt that way and to try and articulate, even if it's only to myself, why I felt the way that I did what it was about the work I thought did that to me. I think it's made me a more open-minded and more well-rounded person in terms of what sort of art I'm able to consume and enjoy and I'm happier for it.

However, I fully acknowledge that this is NOT an attitude shared by everyone, especially in modern fandom climate and even more especially so for younger folks, and there are plenty of people reading Oshi no Ko for whom this is probably a whole fucking lot to process!! And there are even more people outside the fandom who are just hearing out of context explosions and random panels of the twins kissing and thinking what the christ is going on over there. It's a mess!

Ultimately the only thing you can really do is focus on the parts of the series you like and continue enjoying those, if you can. I'm sort of at a place in my life where I just unashamedly love the things I love without really worrying all too much about anyone else judging me and I think it's really good to try and cultivate that kind of attitude, too! Like, at the end of the day - does other people turning their nose up at OnK including this plotline take away the things that originally made you love it?

[distant-velleity]

i don't feel like giving this one a proper header and everything because it's only abt 600 words but

Out of the Frying Pan, Into the Fire

(or Davis' first day in Savanaclaw)

-

“So this is the twerp from Royal Sword Academy? He doesn’t look like he fits in Savanaclaw at all.”

Davis feels himself wither under the intense, judging gazes of his new dorm mates.

Sure, he’d been in a rowdy dorm full of horseplay and roughhousing back at RSA, but that had been by their standards. He doesn’t remember being glared at this fiercely under the bright sun and arid atmosphere. And the people he’d known previously hadn’t been this—this built. Or tall. 

Silently, he curses Crowley for leading him here and then promptly ditching him in the maws of a metaphorical (or literal?) beast. What a sham, and then that rude thought is shoved into the pile of things he needs to mentally rid himself of.

“I don’t get why the Dark Mirror assigned me to this dorm either,” he replies defensively, pointedly staring at the gaps between his upperclassmen to avoid meeting their eyes. He knows better than to make eye contact with predators. “So can you just let me through, please?”

The building entrance is right there. It’s so close. Just let me through, for the love of the Seven…

“A real polite guy we got here, huh?” Before Davis can even look affronted, a tiger beastman grabs a fistful of his shirt and pulls. “We don’t let just anyone in here, y’know. Gotta make sure the freshmen are worthy, ‘specially pampered lordlings like you.”

A pampered lordling? He isn’t sure whether he should feel offended or depressed.  Are you kidding me? I’m one of the least pampered Royal Sword students you’ll ever meet—

In any case, even though he feels terrified and totally out of his depth like he did when he first came to RSA and met all the “newsies,” Davis grits his teeth. Fingers clenched into a fist with his thumb wrapped around them, like the guys taught him. Braces himself to draw back and—

Someone’s voice, approaching, interrupts everything. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Aren’t you guys in too much of a rush?” A lanky beastman—hyena, Davis recognizes immediately, those ears look like they came straight from a textbook—strolls over with a hand on his hip. “The lunch line is one thing, but this is just some run-of-the-mill guy. Sure, he’s an RSA guy so there’ll be some fun in hazing ‘im, but…”

He laughs. “C’mon, you guys have got better things to do. Unless you want Leona to tell you the same thing?”

The guy holding onto Davis slackens his grip before letting go altogether. 

Even though he’s Davis’ height and skinnier still, this hyena beastman looks right at home with the others… No, that’s not quite it. They listen to him even if they lack true respect for him, or at least back down when he’s around, so the dynamic is slightly different. And invoking someone else’s name means he must have ties to that person in… power…

Oh, thinks Davis with tired resignation, there’s a hierarchy here too. What was I expecting?

As the upperclassmen disperse, the hyena walks over and clamps a hand down on Davis’ shoulder. It’s supposed to seem friendly, but if anything, it feels more like the weight of a collar and leash. “Sorry about that, new guy, but you’re gonna have to get used to it. The name’s Ruggie Bucchi, and”—he smiles—“I’m gonna be one of your roommates for the rest of the year.”

“Davis Jayme,” Davis says, cautiously. “It’s… a pleasure to meet you.”

Ruggie’s smile shifts just barely into something like a smirk, eyes glinting, and that’s all Davis needs to recognize that the next few months will not be easy on him.

[dekusleftsock]

I think if hori wrote toga better more people would like her but he hardly gives a shit about her so her story and personality and thoughts are messy (as in badly written) and nonsensical. I wanna like her but you have to do a lot of leg work to make her interesting and worth the time and love, Hori doesnt love her enough to but a lot of effort into her, unlike the other two male villains who he wont shut up about. Togas always just been (for me personally) an underutilized, underdeveloped waste of what could have been a cool idea. The Anti-toga people are not unfounded in most of their criticisms (MOST), shes the only seemingly queer person and of course shes a lustful blood sucking pervert psycho murderer with no real depth.

(btw you are more than welcome to both ignore this and LOVE toga I am not saying for you shes not worth the time or energy, this is just me reflecting on her and how hori has treated her, i appreciate and value fanon and the effort fans will put into loving her, thats so cool and based, im glad you can find joy in something like that, for people who like her- I wish she was cared for by her writer 💕)

Uh… what I see or believe isn’t fanon broski.

Look Horikoshi has always had a problem of pushing aside the women in his series, the worst of this case has ALWAYS been ochako. Do I think that’s because he wanted to write a gay love story? Yeah, I do. Does that make it okay? Absolutely not. I will be the first person to shout from the rooftops that horikoshi does not write women as well as he should. He has fan service abundant, he makes crude jokes using women that really aren’t all that funny, he’s pushed aside his women and their moments in order to forward bkdk’s development.

But you can absolutely not come into my ask to tell me that she is an, “underdeveloped wasted idea”. Because she’s just fucking not.

People think toga is just “the blood sucking bisexual who likes animals too”, but she’s just fucking not. That’s never been her defining trait or character.

Toga is a subversion of the yandere trope. That sadly means there will always be misogynistic rhetoric because that’s what the trope is. At least BEFORE the subversion happens, which is now! Where Ochako DOESNT FIND HER CREEPY!

She’s going to be creepy and weird and have issues because she’s a villain. She’s a queer villain. Her entire story is one that defies the tragedy of carmilla and refuses to let her identity be anything but “Himiko Toga”. She has always been a character about identity. She’s never been “possessive” or “jealous” over Izuku for this purpose. It’s the reason why she’s bisexual, why she just “has an attraction to blood”. It’s a queer story wrapped in metaphor and it always has been. Why is THIS monster/villain queer story any worse than, idfk, the joker and Batman. I haven’t found a single person able to genuinely voice that to me in a way that is convincing! Horror and unconventional ways of love and ESPECIALLY blood has always always ALWAYS been a part of queer coded stories for a LONG TIME. We are the unconventional. We always have been. And that’s not me “bending over backwards” HER PARENTS LITERALLY CALL HER A DEVIANT AND SHE ASKS WHY NO ONE ELSE STRUGGLES WITH THE URGES SHE DOES.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll fucking say it again, Toga is horikoshi’s most well written and thought out female character. Ochako got kicked over and over again, same with momo, Tsu, Mina, and whoever the fuck else.

And I’m sorry, but writing a queer villain inspired by the lesbian vampire trope isn’t homophobic or bad writing.

She’s HAD depth. Idk if you read her backstory or her feelings on Ochako, twice, hawks, or even Izuku but she’s HAD depth. And I’m tired of pretending she hasn’t.

Normally I wouldn’t engage with shit like this but you reached out to me DIRECTLY. So let me make this clear: you can have whatever opinions you want on toga, and I will not get angry or express anger in any sort of way. But this account? This is not your fucking space and I will ABSOLUTELY meme on you for it.

[lilweaselhub]

Okay so no one asked---but time for me to randomly be feral about Spinel. I don't plan on making this SUPER coherent or anything mostly because I've been running on fumes for a MINUTE now.

But recently, I was asked what I think the difference is between good spinel content and bad spinel content and well thats a loaded question.

Before I say ANYTHING about anything for anyone who reads this, I would like to preface;

These are my personal opinions on her character and I really don't care too much if you agree or disagree. Whatever makes you happy is fine with me. You can disagree and be entitled to that opinion.

That being said; I'm just going to come right out and cut to the chase before we even get started.

I don't like how the Steven Universe movie ended. I don't think Spinel going with the Diamonds was a good idea && Spinel in SU future was a major let down for me.

There. if you don't like ^^^^ that statement right there && if you don't think you can handle someone disagreeing with how she was handled I'd stop right here.

For anyone else; Allow me to explain.

When Spinel is introduced in the movie, it is immedietly clear that she is no typical adversary of the crystal gems. Shes incredibly cunning, and actually acknowledges steven as his own person. -&& seeks vengence anyway.

Despite KNOWING steven is a stranger.

Something we don't see in any other gem that the crystal gems go up against from homeworld. I'd argue this makes Spinel one of the SMARTEST gems we see.

The other thing thats immedietly apparent is just how VIOLENT and ANGRY she is. Her entire song 'other friends' gives the audience immediate insight that she knew pink diamond and knew pink PERSONALLY. She has a very personal vendetta, and is lashing out.

now im not going to analyse every single scene in this movie. I'm far too tired for that. Besides, we know it by heart by now. Everyones done it. But all of this to SAY-; what many people have pointed out is that Pink was akin to Spinels favored person, something a lot of people who struggle with mental illness have.

ESPEICALLY those with BPD, something that has been near universally agreed on with her.

During the first half of the movie, leading up to the garden flashback. We get to see Spinel as she was made--; before she was traumatized. How she was initially. Happy, bubbly, fun loving, and sweet. In my mind, this always was reminiscent of an allegory for childhood innocence.

A type of innocence one has before the real world hits them before they experience heartbreak, trauma, or real raw grief. Spinel in her beginning was NAIVE, and had no idea that Pink Diamond did not have the same undying loyalty and love that Spinel herself was programmed with.

Spinels feelings were not mutual, but she was too innocent at the time to really SEE This. She was too naïve and optimistic. During this time she was very much mentally like a young child.

Time passing && the garden itself dying could even be an allegory for the death of ones childhood innocence and wonder.

What being abandoned by pink can really be alikened to with Spinel is the experience of TRAUMA. Something that udoubtedly TRANSFORMS a person---; Much like in the movie. (That whole anime girl transformation as out of left field as it is, kind of makes a lot of sense to be emphasized. Its getting a point across.)

Trauma PERMENANTLY changes a person. For better or worse.

In spinels case--; it could be seen as a metaphor for trauma, and the effect it has on someones mental health. The Childhood innocence dying and growing up after experience significant trauma.

Spinel post transformation && in the very beginning / climax of the movie is much less naive. Much more cunning, and carries herself much older than when she was first created. While Spinel in the beginning was reminiscent of a young 8-10 year old child, spinel now reads more as a rebellious older teen to young adult. She does not have that mentality of a child anymore. She's impulisve, shes cunning, shes sarcastic and shes mad as hell.

Spinels trauma not only mentally changed who she was as a person--it PHYSICALLY altered her. It changed her entire person. This is what trauma DOES. this is what experiencing all the grief and negative experiences of growing up DOES to you.

Abandoned, forgotten and spiteful, Spinel sets her sights on steven && co in a last ditch effort to get her version of closure---revenge on those that wronged her and threw her away like garbage.

I would easily argue that the climax of this movie is were Spinel's character SHINES the most. This in my opinion, is one place where the movie SUCCEEDS where Future FAILS.

In the climax of the movie, we really see the moments that clinch that BPD allegory. The Back and Forth between her emotional impulse to spiral and lash out, and the desire to be better. It doesn't shy away from showing the UGLY and sometimes AGGRESSIVE symptoms of mental illness. But it doesn't necessarily villainize her.

Steven himself realizes that Spinel is not thinking logically, she's lashing out and letting emotions DRIVE her impulses.

It shows her as she is now, flawed, impulsive, and hurting.

" Why? Why do I wanna hurt you SO badly??"

" When you change, you change for the better---when I change I change for the WORSE."

" At least you liked the old me--"

Spinel herself acknowledges that she's changed. That experience has Permanently changed who she is, the person she once was is gone. She is mourning not only the relationship she had but the person she once WAS.

Now;------After this point in the movie is where I start having gripes. As spinel is shown through most of the movie as such a dynamic, interesting character and actual RAW representation for people who STRUGGLE to be a good person after what they went through. Individuals with UGLY symptoms and sometimes SCARY symptoms of mental illness.

Things that are strongly stigmatized in this society we live in. It was refreshing to have a character SHOW this side of mental illness and still be treated like a person, and not a MONSTER.

&& Before I start this next section, let me preface by saying i am ALL about healing journeys. 100%. I would love for Spinel to be happy, I want her to find a place to find her own and feel safe.

That being said, I want healing journeys for a character to be realisitc. I don't want a FIXED character, I want a REAL character. A character that feels like a person. A real one. Not sunshine and rainbows and a "love fixes me" type. (Ty @veroxins for verbalizing what i never quite could with her arc.)

Unfortunately that is EXACTLY what ends up happening to Spinel though. Suddenly it feels as though they run out of an idea for how to continue her arc. && At the end of the movie they decide that the diamonds finding her amusing and bringing her back up to homeworld would be the best course of action.

&& I'd argue that at this point in the movie spinel's characterization already starts seeming odd / contradictory comparative to what we JUST saw. && this only continues with her appearance in future.

Suddenly Spinel is Happy, bubbly and kinda...naive again isn't she?

Spinel in future (and partially at the end of the movie) is kind of reverted back to her old persona. The diamonds 'love' fixes her.

" Steven: Wait a second, you used to have vengeful thoughts. Oh, yeah! But I don't get 'em anymore. Steven: How did you make them stop? I met a little someone named "Steven Universe"! And he told me ♫ IIIII- I CAN MAKE A CHANGE! ♫ "

Whats worse than that in my opinion, is that not only do they take this representation away---and make the case that love just 'fixes' a person and puts them back to how they were--but they make spinel a joke.

They didn't even have her take stevens on struggles seriously or have them relate to each other in any meaningful way.

I like many others, hated peridots treatment for this very reason.

Not to mention--- a very important point. After all this time emphasizing how absolutely UNHEALTHY and TOXIC the power dynamic was between Pink Diamond and Spinel. WHY on earth would putting her right back in that power dynamic (x3 mind you), be condusive to her healing? At all?

I'll tell you---it wouldn't be. She's put right back in the position of being ENTERTAINMENT, a TOY. && Not being even given the CHANCE to discover her own personality, who she is now, or hell--who she ever was outside of pink.

I noticed that a lot of peoples fixation and interest in spinel greatly reduced after the future airing and I really don't think thats a coincidence.

&& AGAIN i have to PREFACE. ;I want spinel to get better. I do.

I have no issues with that.

But trauma permenately changes someone. Thats just how it functions. Spinel is not going to just go back to how she was before her trauma. && I think it sends a more powerful message for her healing to have her find a place as she is now, and be loved for her flaws and all, while making a conscious effort to be better.

For it not to be just a quick fix, and shes back to how she was, but to have her come to terms with the new her, and find a way to reinvent herself, with her flaws and still be loved as she is. Even if she still slips up from time to time. Because mental illness is not a straight and narrow road. it has its ups, it has its downs. you get better, you relapse and then you pick up the pieces again and keep going.

Tdlr; All of that to say. Spinel is a character that was REALLY important to me, a character that showed ugly mental illness symptoms, and didn't glorify or villainize it. A character that wasn't nice or tied up in a bow, but deserved to be loved, and deserved to have the chance to be her own person.

Outside of the diamonds, outside of pink, outside of her TRAUMA. and she never got the chance. She deserved better.

Also---sassy, chaotic, morally grey spinel is just superior in general. She's the goat and i want her back. rn.

[stars4-max]

Reasons why I think I'm certain character from twisted wonderland.... under the cut

tw — talks of starvation, isolation, death, abandonment, underlining stalking, horror, bullying... not talking of these by a lot but there are mentions so heres your warning

Idia, Malleus, Riddle, Rook, Azul

1. Idia Shroud

❝ Hey. ...So, uh, can I go now? ❜❜

— Okay hear me out. Listen. If you knew me personally or even if you don't I think you'd realize just how often I don't leave my room or go outside even if i want to

— I'm relatively always on the internet reading, playing games, drawing, watching YouTube, yknow.

— I don't go to sleep at reasonable times even when I say goodnight and if it weren't for the fact I'm tired 24/7 with no real energy I would NOT be sleeping in for even an hour. ((which happens anyway sometimes))

— I dislike irl interactions (unless I trust u a bunch) and I honestly try to avoid it as much as I can.

— I'm only /open/ to close friends(who I will see as family), my partner, or my cousin and I'd let them enter my space with no consequences

— I forget when I should eat and just avoid it whenever I can/want to because of personal reasons.

— Sometimes I forget to care for my hygiene ((dw I shower everyday when I have the will to stand))

— I put myself down faster than you can blink or I keep calling people names ((none offensive, think like... idk, tree or smth.)) to hype myself up

— I really.. and I mean really.. have a lot of family oriented trauma and if I could I would genuinely make a robotic family of how my family was before to me.

— that's not it but it gets more personal as I go on so erm

— #1

2. Malleus Draconia

❝ You aren't afraid of me. But I'm starting to become afraid...of losing you. ❜❜

— Now. Hear me out. #2

— For some reason, when I would ask my friends of what they first thought of me it was always "I was intimidated" or something of the sort and I would genuinely get so confused while looking like this.

— I don't get invited much to anything or get asked if I wanna join something a lot but theres this one person who makes sure to ask me if I wanna play games or watch videos together a lot like Malleus and Yuu ((PLATONIC YUU FOR ME DAWG. I SEE HER AS MY MOTHER.))

— I get isolated a lot in my family and if I wanna be around people I gotta do it myself (which is hard) and sit there but still be overlooked

— I'm not as in touch with my emotions as I make myself out to be, I'm very much out of them and I'm only really acting as to how I think people would want me to

— I don't understand human customs hel. Like I genuinely get so confused and be in awe when I see things others see like everyday

— I have big issues with abandonment and death when it comes to close friends (I'm talking like 4 year friendship and stuff.) or family I've grown attached to (my cousin), I'd genuinely do anything if it meant they'd stay with me ((vague spoilers lol!?))

— I take what my friends say very seriously if they aren't indicating that they're joking no matter what I sound like. That being said I make jokes unintentionally sometimes when im not even meaning to be funny

3. Riddle Rosehearts

❝ How was that? Do you understand the full extent of my capabilites now? ❜❜

— You don't have to hear me out on this one I'm a little shocked too.

— When I was younger I used to be wayyy too bossy and rude and if anyone even apposed me I would get angry and metaphorical go "off with your head"

— The only reason I woupd be so bossy and rude was because of my family and how they'd bend to my every will and encourage my behavior to others because i was a "golden child"

— especially my mom. She would see my bossy self and go "thats my mini me", looks and her personality

— As I grew older that bossy nature lessened of course but there are times i get angry when others dont have the same thought process like me and don't do something correctly in my eyes

— The only reason I don't let that bossy nature slip by is because of the fact I became my own ace and punched and told myself that I'm not the addition of my mother and I'm not the queen of the world

— of course I'll still follow rules but if they're like... unnecessary I'm not following them at all. Especially if its smth like "u MUST tie ur shoes five times" suck my D-'EYE'-C-K fr. 🐈

— I still have anger issues but I try and not let it slip past either. There was a time I got so angry that I was shaking and I had to be held back from attacking someone ((metaphorical "off with your head"))

4. Rook Hunt

❝ Non... Speak not. At this point, I can hear your inner voice just by gazing into your eyes. ❜❜

— I'm not as shocked by this

— For the other three it's more personal but for rook its in all caps PERSONAL. I see beauty in literally all things even if it truly is the most ugliest thing in space

— I can watch people from afar without getting caught exactly but enough for someone to get restless if I want them to be

— There are times I find information of someone on accident and I will be going deep into it. Like deep into it and then I'll forget it because it's not anything needed at that moment

— People either feel safe talking to me or unsafe and I cannot explain why bc even I dont know.

— I would wear outdoor boots for/with everything if I could and ik it would make people scream in horror.

— talking about horror i would watch detailed horror movies just to say how beautiful it can be and the symbolisms.. etc.

— I can also read characters kinda well??!?! and write them sorta well???!?? idk how to explain it but give me enough time with watching a character and I'll tell you exactly why I think they act the way they do or think the way they do or feel the way they do or how they would react to xyz, etc.

— even when I or my friends dont like someone I don't just base my reaction on that ((like I'm not a fan of neige or vil but if you told me to choose between the two I could not. both of their characters are good and if you wish I can even try to explain how.))

— I had a phase where I would speak in one language for a while ((spanish)) but i forgot what I used to say however half the time it was always me sayinf "i love you" to others i loved

— I called someone my butterfly once i think???? Cant remember who

5. Azul Ashengrotto

❝ What do you think? I have remarkable potential, don't I? ❜❜

— IF YOU KNEW ME IRL SINCE BASICALLY BIRTH YOU'D UNDERSTAND.

— I used to get bullied for a lot of things, my weight, my hair, my skin, my clothes, how i act, my glasses, my grades, how my moods would change drastically, my gender, etc

— So even when I was younger than I am now, I would see if others needed me to do something so I could gain favors or just get blackmail to raise over their heads for them to do smth for ME

— I was a people pleaser and a people eater no in-between.

— Unlike azul I didn't have a floyd or jade with me and it was just me myself and I

— LIKE azul I got a lot of people indebted to me lol.

— I would change myself and how I acted with people irl and on the internet to get literally every favor i could. I would know everything abt someone and they would feel like they HAD to help me with smth bc of that or bc i would show my more pathetic side

— I got so insecure of myself that I would try to take down any pictures i had of myself so that I could be "free" of the embarrassment.

— my family wouldn't help

— unlike azul I would do a lot of things to ensure i was skinny and cute and nice to others perspectives that I'd starve myself... so um.... yeahh.......

[quodekash]

A Way Too In-Depth Over-Analysis of Sorvus

I apologise in advance. For all of this. There’s a lot. These guys have inserted themselves into every empty renting space in my brain and uprooted all the taken spaces and moved in to everything. So to appease my brain I had to do this and then it just kept going. Also I’m Australian, so I have different spellings of some words, like “favourite” and you’re just gonna have to deal with that. Also also warning for very long paragraph rambles from me.

You’re literally gonna get the entire story here but with commentary at every paragraph. And sometimes four times in one paragraph. Anyway. 

1. “For weeks” means they’ve spent heaps of time together, and using this instance as a guide, probably with no one but them. They’ve progressively learnt more and more about each other, yet later Soren is still super bright and excited to learn that Corvus’ favourite season is autumn, and that’s just so pure.

2. I would like to see this please. 

3. “[…]lost most of the time” implies that Corvus won sometimes. teLL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERY SINGLE ONE PLS I NEED TO KNOW WHICH ONES CORVUS WON (and yeah I also just need more Sorvus content but what can I say, they mean everything to me) 

4. Corvus could probably just not participate, or tell Soren he’s too tired, or something along those lines. And yet he always tries his best, he still does it despite knowing he’ll probably lose. The fact that he’s not avoiding the challenges tells us that Corvus truly appreciates Soren’s friendship/companionship/company/etc and is fully willing to do tasks that he’s not great at to spend time with Soren and put a smile on his face. And you can’t tell me that’s not love, whether romantic or platonic or whatever. Honestly, if Corvus’ top love language is anything, I’d say it’s quality time. The other four just don’t quite fit, and, from the little we see of Corvus on screen, it seems like he’s most content when spending time with his favourite people. As for Soren, you could argue his love language is literally any of them. But I think his top two are words of affirmation and quality time - he was always so invalidated his whole life, mostly by his own father (I swear I’ll make a post of this at some point). His mother left, his father neglected him, his sister betrayed him. That’s gotta bring trust issues. So after all that, he’d appreciate someone telling him he’s worth it and telling him they love him. He’d appreciate spending time with those he loves, not even doing anything, just sitting and enjoying each other’s company, without his flaws being pointed out, without the stress of trying to keep his family together, just sitting there and loving and breathing and being. 

 1. This part could be a metaphor?? Corvus wants to go further with relationships at an easy pace where Soren wants to speed it up? Corvus is more of a peaceful person and Soren is scared of losing people and missing out on particular moments of relationships so he tries to experience it all at once?? It’s entirely possible I’m reading too far into this but I’m treating this like a school assignment, where you have to read too far into everything. You decide whether this is a good interpretation or not, I can’t decide. 

2.a. If Soren has mentioned it “every time”, that implies a few things. The first is that they go up there enough for Soren to mention it a lot. Soren has a favourite place in the entire castle, and he wants to share it with Corvus (and there’s no one up there but them ;] IM KIDDING- or am I? Honestly I can’t tell, you decide.)  2.b. The second thing is that Corvus has heard Soren talk about this part of the castle  a lot. But there’s not even the slightest hint of description of Corvus’ annoyance at having to listen to Soren constantly say this is one of his favourite places, he just lets him tell him, over and over. It’s getting little personal here, but Soren totally has ADHD, which makes my job easier bc I also have ADHD.  2.b.ii. I personally forget all the time if I’ve told this particular person this particular story/fact/whatever it is or not, so I constantly tell the same story over and over. It feels exciting bc each time it feels like I’m telling them for the first time, since I don’t remember the previous times. So when the person/people I’m talking to don’t lost their patience or get annoyed or anything when I tell them something I’ve already told them, and instead they just react like it’s the first time they’ve heard it, it feels really validating. So I’m thinking Soren feels the same, and Corvus not showing a hint of annoyance despite hearing this a lot feels really good to my neurodivergent brain and probably feels good to Soren’s, too. 

1. Corvus. Notices things. About. Soren. And not just recently, it’s “a long time ago”, meaning he’s observed Soren and committed his habits to memory for years. I love them. 

2. ADHDDDDDDD 

3. He ✨cares✨ 

1. Something about the way this is worded is so beautiful. A sentence of peaceful description in the midst of casual dialogue. It makes it feel like they’re one person, staring at the beautiful view, taking it all in, together with each other but alone from anyone else to distract them from the gorgeous autumn horizon. 

1. Like I said earlier (by earlier, I mean the literal first thing I said. There’s still a lot to go. This thing is called a way too in-depth over-analysis for a reason), Soren is so purely excited with the knowledge that Corvus’ favourite season is autumn. Autumn, the season they’re presently in. Meaning, for a few months, Corvus is always experiencing his favourite season, meaning he’s probably always feeling some amount of happiness/content, and the thought that Corvus is happy makes Soren happy. 

2. They’re both just standing on a castle, next to each other, and staring out at nature. It probably feels like they’re the only people in the world. If they’re the only people, then to each of them, the most important thing in existence is (probably) the other. It also might be a metaphor to something, but I can’t figure out what it is. It’s possible the metaphor is something I’ve already mentioned. But if anyone thinks of anything, please lemme know, it’s an itch I can’t reach so if anyone can, please scratch it for me. (I made a metaphor about not being able to figure out a metaphor. Metaphor-caption or something, idk man) 

3. Such a simple statement. Standing in such a relaxed way. He’s at peace, while alone with one of the most energetic people like ever. 

1. That’s a date. Surely I’m not the only one seeing this, right? Soren, you’re describing a date. Idk if you realised, but that’s a date. You’ve just suggested a date. And Corvus will say yes. 

2. Soren’s horrified that Corvus would possibly be mistreated. He’s also, more importantly, scared that it wasn’t mistreatment but Corvus’ choice, because if it was a choice then Corvus might not like beds and castles and other people and Soren can’t handle the thought that Corvus might leave him, just like everyone else he’s ever loved and trusted. 

3. Help now I’m picturing little forest dates, with picnics and lying next to each other, staring at the canopy of leaves above them, and glancing at each other every time the other looks away and smiling and holding hands and Soren lying with his head on Corvus’ chest and a leaf falling right on Soren’s face and Corvus’ laugher rumbling his belly and making Soren sit up and throw the leaf at him and they laugh and smile and talk and they’re in love help 

1. I kinda touched on this earlier, but Soren can’t fathom the idea of being without Corvus. Probably because of losing his entire family so Corvus is just about all Soren’s got left. And he’s really scared that he’ll lose him, too, and losing everyone would make Soren lost; lost and alone and scared and vulnerable and he needs a hug i volunteer as tribute and shut up that’s possible this is my post i make the rules but if i cant hug him then i volunteer Corvus as tribute 

2. (Yes we’re talking about sentence structure. This is a way too in-depth over-analysis, get over it already man.)  It’s repeated that something is bothering Soren. Repetition means emphasis, that the author wants us to know that it’s an important thing, so they say it a couple times. Something is bothering Soren, and that bothers Corvus. He wants to help Soren and get rid of this thing that’s bothering him (probably). 

3. Let me translate what Soren is trying to say here: “What about me? Do you like me?” He’s seeking validating and wanting to get Corvus to stay, because without Corvus he has nothing. 

1. Translation again: “I like you. I trust you. And trust is really important now, with everything that’s happened. There was a war. Everyone I’ve ever trusted betrayed me or left me. So please date me join the crown guard with me so I have more opportunities to ask you to date me it’s really big that I trust you so much, because I’ve been having issues with trust.” 

2. I have asd!corvus head canons, so eye contact here is really important and rare 

1. He’s paying attention to him. 

2. I like to imagine he did finger guns 

1. Imagine how this went down. “I like corvus a lot” “yeah, he’s great! I want him to stay in katolis but hes more at home in the forest-“ “corvus should be crown guard… I really trust him.” “-yeah, cos you’re in love with him- I trust him too. You should ask him to date you join.” (ez totally ships it and tries to set them up a lot and you cant tell me otherwise) 

1. He’s trying to avoid Corvus seeing the truth in his eyes; that he doesn’t want Corvus to go, that he loves Corvus, that without Corvus he doesn’t know who or even what he is, because Corvus is all he has left. 

2. I know this is like an emotional flicker or whatever, but what if it’s literally pain and wounds that are hidden behind his protective armour? Soren broke like all his bones. There’s almost no way he doesn’t still get flashes/twinges of pain (I feel like there’s some kind of medical term for that but I’ve forgotten what it is). He definitely doesn’t tell anyone about it, but probably gets flashes of pain every so often, and Corvus has somehow managed to pick up on that. Maybe. 

1. People with ADHD are often over-thinkers (at least I think so? I don’t have any sources for it but I’m an over-thinker and so is everyone I know with ADHD. So probably.), so Corvus said it “as plainly as he could” to stop Soren from over-thinking it and spiralling. He gets it out, doesn’t stall, doesn’t mislead, doesn’t confuse. Just says it, and there it is, and Soren is so happy

1. I’ll admit it, I’m still thoroughly confused by this part but it’s fine cos they’re both happy and that makes me happy. 

and that’s all the shenanigans i have for you today. if you made it this far, flipping wow, because there is quite literally more analysis here than there is story. 

but that’s not all from me. 

no, i have eight notes on my phone ready for things to be added to them, and theyll be here… at some point. if you wanna be notified when i post them you can follow me i guess. or go to the tag at the bottom of each of these posts, ‘tdp rambles with bj’ (hopefully it’s worked) and you can follow that or something? idk. sorry, im bad at self-promos. uhh. yeah. anyway this was fun, im so tired but so thrilled to finally have all my thoughts out in once place. stay calm and ship sorvus, everyone. 

Have a gay day!  -BJ

[hella1975]

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii bestie, i dunno if you like The Crane Wives, like the rock band, but as of late i simply cannot get them out of my goddamn head. And then, i had an epiphany: so many of these songs exude major zukka vibes. Like not in the way youd think, probably, because in my head they're about the very specific Zuko who is just like. So tired and done with life in a very specific flavor and just having very funky ideas about love and caring for another person. So idk if this will even make sense to you, but i figured that A) you have immaculate music taste so i think itd be cool to see what you think of this band B) your thoughts about zukka are always interesting as hell so like, even if you vehemently disagree with my claims i would wholeheartedly enjoy to see what you think of my ideas, seriously, you're so cool, id love to hear about you

Anyways the songs are:

Curses

Down the River (this is actually not zukka at all, it's just Zuko, whos incredibly adept at dealing with consequences)

Allies or Enemies

The Moon Will Sing (again, not really zukka, i think i just have Zuko on the brain, to me this has so much potential for his dynamic with his father) and also, Once and for All too

Easier oh my god easier is such a song

Tongs and Teeth

and Metaphors (not the vibes of the song tbh but like, just the lyrics)

And well yeah this was just a thought that hit me, idk if asks like this are really up your alley so totes dont feel pressured to cook up some elaborate response or even respond at all, i just wanted to talk about a great band and uh. Yeah, thank you so much for being just so incredibly cool and you and earnest, like, silly comment, but you genuinly make my days so much better, i hope you get better soon and bye bye

(ps. I am loving TAMS so much)

- A Master of Parasocial Relationships Anon

ANON <33333333 ily mwah mwah this relationship is parasocial from me to you not the other way around dont ever get it twisted i adore you this ask made me smile so big. 'thank you so much for being just so incredibly cool and you and earnest' quite honestly such a belter compliment. im shaking.

u are right my music taste is fantastic and as a result i LOVE THE CRANE WIVES YES PLS TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM!!!!!! I LOVE THE EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM!!!!!!! one of my worst traits is that i have loved every single crane wives song ive listed to yet ive never properly deep dived into their music, so i only know like. five songs. yet those songs are some of my faves of all time. she's so logical. BUT! this means you've just given me a load of recs that have zuko/atla/zukka vibes so im ecstatic. esp bc 'the very specific Zuko who is just like. So tired and done with life in a very specific flavor' is soooo tams zuko coded.

i do know some of these recs ofc so here are my thoughts:

curses - the recurring fire related language!!!! every word i say is kindling but the smoke clears when you're around!!! zuko being a very rough-around-the-edges imperfect character but being loved regardless (by sokka). i love how this song is clearly about someone who's haunted by their past but it's still quite peppy, and her VOICE on the 'ashes ashes dust to dust, the devil's after both of us, lay my curses out to rest, make a mercy out of me' HELLO???? it's so desperate and raw im obsessed with it. that line gives me big tams zuko & azula vibes, like on the run from the fire nation/ozai as the 'devil's after both of us' yep yep yep. omg actually this whole song is very them

down the river - your take on this is gorgeous 'very adept at dealing with consequences' he BREAKS my HEART. sure you can forget about all the things you've done but WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF US. i am so over-fixating on tams atm and it shows bc im about to tamsify this and probably all the other recs in some capacity icl. anyway this song as zuko @ ursa. down the river.......

allies or enemies - ZUKKA ANTHEM!!!!! REQUIRED LISTENING FOR ANY ENEMIES TO LOVERS SHIP!!!!! being horrible to each other and having a history of violence are we allies or enemies this will be the death of me ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR BUT I CANT FIGHT WITH YOU ANYMORE!! LITERALLY SINGING ABOUT WAR!!!! the crane wives wrote this about zukka genuinely

the moon will sing - one of the most beautiful songs of all time you can interpret this in so many ways the lyrics have me banging my fist against my wall. veryyyyyyyyyy zuko-coded about literally anyone he gets constantly mugged off

tongues and teeth - AGAIN ZUKO CODED!!! when ur a post-redemption asshole but part of your personality is always always going to be abrasive and cutting and you KNOW that. this is such a 'the catharsis of owning and even heightening the thing both you and others hate about yourself in a very angry declaration that barely conceals the insecurity underneath' song and i took it very personally. like yes girl push everyone away first bc you know you're a cunt and it's best to warn them off while they still have an idealised version of you in their head! me and zuko best friends fr we are insufferable

[moss-and-marimos]

you could literally start talking abt the grossest shit in my tags and I'd start clapping honestly pls do ramble

people who dont want to see talk of the intimacy and eroticism of horror and gore dont click read more vbjdhfdfvj

ougugghghhghghg goes wild its the intimacy and inherent eroticism of gore, sorry if this is a bit incoherent im tired but maybe I will dump more in your ask box another time bvjhdfd, for me its a sort of like fucked up thing between trusting the person to put you back together afterwards and wanting to be understood in a way nobody can without literally taking you apart, I guess kinda similar in a way to like wanting people to know about your trauma in a self destructive way, thats what a lot of it is to me that makes it interesting is the art of self destructive clearly unhealthy codependency dynamic between consumer and consumee, test subject and scientist, im not gonna put my own year old poem here bc it needs some revisions vbjdfd but to summarize it talks about being loved through the restraints binding you, and being seen as what you truly are, some mass of meat, and them taking you apart and loving you anyway. they will see you laid bare, more vulnerable than you have ever been, and they will make the choice that you deserve to stay, or in the case of cannibalism that they want you to be their nourishment. That in trusting you to take them apart, you are trusting them to sustain you. its really fucked and interesting to me. The idea that consumption or vivisection or similar are some warped sort of love, the same sort of way that people will abuse others and say theyre doing it because they love you, is very interesting to me. obviously its bad but its the only comparison I can draw here and its an interesting thing to explore in fiction. its a type of love that is obsessive and destructive and painful and violent and thats why its so interesting. And again referring to that poem I wrote last year "and you wish you could be a better test subject. and with the blood on their hands and a smile on your face you thank them. after all your life is in their hands." and "theyve been inside you more times than you can count, and something about that is so appealing. to be taken apart. to be examined. to be understood. oh how invasive. you long for it" and the fucked up eroticism of instead of having like idk bite marks or hickeys or whatever shit on you you're covered in scars from their invasiveness and tests, showing just how much you belong to them and just how well they know to put you back together. After cutting away everything vulnerable, after getting to just the bones (and maybe even cutting away those too), after seeing the abomination you are, they put you back together anyway, again and again. In both a metaphorical sense of like exploring trauma and trusting the other person with that and in a fictional but more literal sense, it is quite literally exploring the other person, and its incredibly intimate, and requires so so much trust.

[dearreader]

so i’ve been thinking this over since i watched the new episodes drop for daisy jones and while i am okay with the show not being faithful to the book as things work on the page but not on the screen, im really pissed about billy and camila. like there’s no point to this besides me ranting about how they ruined the characters so much.

cause here’s the thing, in the show they’ve drastically altered billy into being more controlling and manipulative at times (getting daisy to sing the song by kissing her when she asks if there’s anything between them only for the song itself “you’d be more fun to kiss/than to be with��) and while he his definitely those things in the book it’s more so toned down or feels different because HE ID A FAMILY MAN. like the show has me being a shitty husband and dad when in the book after he got out of rehab he cleaned up his act fast. he even told camila that he would leave music for her, his passion, cause he wanted to make it up to her for all that he did. when they’re first dating he’d call her any chance he got even if it was collect just to say “billy dunne loves camila alvarez” (that’s the last name in the show and i’m too tired to grab my book). like even graham says the reason why billy cheated on the first tour was fear of his expectations of being a shitty father like his and that pressure drove him to do what he did. but when he gets out he makes up up to camila anyway he can. he does everything he can to prove he’s worthy of her only for her to say he’s already worthy. AND CAMILA FORGIVES HIM. like she’s angry, obviously, but in the book she just has an idea of a life with billy and tells him he won’t ruin it. so she forgives him, she lets him love his life cause he knows he never wants to make that mistake again and she loves and trusts him. like in the book he tries to bring camila in at every opportunity cause he wants her their as much as possible because even he says “he traded one addiction for another”. so he isn’t hiding the songs from her, she’s actively apart of it and is okay with the songs because she trusts him and billy keeps saying it’s all a metaphor for drugs “cause you can hide anything in a love song”.

which then brings me to daisy. the thing that makes me most upset about them changing a very beautiful and trusting relationship of a man grappling with being a father and his addiction is that he’s being slowly tempted by daisy, not even to her knowledge. like camila is soberitu out and daisy is drugs. everyone described daisy as “if she’s having fun your having fun”, no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t hate her cause she was just so amazing, and how she’s always on something, she hasn’t been herself since she was 15 and only knows the drug addicted alcholic. SHE IS WHAT BILLY NEEDS TO STAY AWAY FROM. he’s clean, he’s recovered, but yet he still gets urges and has to fight them cause addiction is a disease and it’s a constant struggle day and night and it’s oh so much harder when the impossible woman is dancing outside your view and she’s a metaphor for all the things you can’t have!

and this hurts especially when at the end of the novel we literally see billy with a glass in his hand trying to pour the liquor in his mouth but being unable to because of his family. because he loves them and knows it’s what he has to do. all while camila is being level headed and having a jolene moment to daisy that she needs to leave billy alone. like she’s terrified of losing billy to her but camila doesn’t take it out in a angry “you bitch! stay away from my man!” but instead as two woman, one whose trying to find some stability in life and sees all that she needs in billy and vice versa and the other as someone trying to keep her family together cause she loves being a mom and having a family and doesn’t want that destroyed by billy’s addiction.

like it’s such a beautiful moment and it’s truly this pinnacle of how well written and planned her character is cause most woman couldn’t and wouldn’t do that. but camila knew what she was worth but also knew daisy was too. and even in that conversation camila encourages her to find a life of her own cause it’s still so young AND SHE DOES and even daisy thanks her! and after camila dies she tells her daughters to wait a bit before giving their dad daisys number because camila just wants him to be happy and even ends it cheekily of “they owe me a song”!

like that’s so beautiful and poetic. but in the show we just see them constantly fighting and being upset because of the tension with his addiction and cheating; which while valid CHANGES EVERYTHIBG. instead of having a wife demand her husband pick himself up to be the man she needs she’s fighting him for the man he wasn’t then. but you can’t even fault her cause while book billy was willing to help be a father and help camila during any point he had free time and would even rush home after bad things to remember what was important, she’s left with this man who is nothing like that. he’s barley their and camila us so tired she (possibly) cheats on him with eddie just so she can have her own secret.

like i’m not faulting either of this but changing their relationship ever so slightly has this drastic affect on the full story and what it’s trying to say.

anyway, rant over. i like the show but i’m just annoyed

[motownfiction]

steam

As far as Sam’s concerned, the best Christmas nights are the ones where he gets to stay up with Uncle Roy.

Roy doesn’t spend every Christmas night with them. They usually just see him in the late mornings, when they go to Grandma and Grandpa Brady’s house for brunch. But sometimes, if things get a little boring for him, Roy comes by in the evenings, after dinner, before dessert. Says he’d be a fool to miss out on his big sister’s French silk pies.

But Sam knows it’s for the kids.

Mom and Dad always excuse themselves first. They spend all day working, and by the time the sun goes down, they’ve had it. Charlie tires himself out on the piano. Apparently, a kid can only play “O Come All Ye Faithful” on the piano so many times before he starts to feel like a very special episode. That leaves Sadie, Sam, and Uncle Roy, all up with the TV, watching It’s a Wonderful Life. Sadie eats from a big bowl of popcorn. Sam drinks more hot chocolate than he should be able to handle. Roy does a damn good impression of Jimmy Stewart, which he’s hard pressed to drop once he gets going. When Sam brings him a cookie from the kitchen, he thanks him just like he was really George Bailey.

“Why, thank you, Sammy,” he says after one bite. “You know, nothin’ does an old man good on Christmas night like peanut butter and sugar crystals. Makes ‘im good. Makes ‘im strong. Like when he was just a lad.”

“What old man?” Sadie asks. “You’re thirty-four.”

“That’s old,” Roy says, still not dropping the impression. “When you’re this old, you’ll understand.”

“I think thirty-four is as old as I’ll ever get,” Sam says. “Metaphorically, anyway.”

Roy shakes his head, finally letting go of Jimmy Stewart.

“Oh, please, Sam, don’t,” he says. “Thirty-four is way too old, even metaphorically. People ask you too many questions about why you won’t settle, you’re expected to make a certain amount of money every year, and the words blood pressure will start to mean something you never thought they would before.”

“Hmm,” Sam says. “So, if I’m gonna get to a metaphorical age and stick to it …”

“Nineteen,” Roy says. “It’s nineteen.”

“But what about twenty-one?” Sadie asks. “Don’t most people like to be old enough to order drinks?”

“Most people,” Roy says. “Sam shouldn’t, though. And neither should you, or Charlie, or anybody else you know. Get me?”

Sam nods. He doesn’t know much, but he’s heard a few things about Roy’s drinking habits. Something about when the going gets tough, the Roy gets drinking. That’s what Mom said after a late-night phone call with her little brother a few years back, anyway. She didn’t know Sam was listening, but she should have. If it’s about Uncle Roy, Sam always listens.

“What’s so special about nineteen?” Sam asks.

Roy smiles.

“You’ll figure it out when you get there,” he says. “It’s probably a little different for everybody.”

“I don’t know how I feel about this,” Sadie says.

“What’s the matter, hon?”

“Nineteen seems like a stupid age to be stuck at. I mean … don’t you want maturity? Don’t you want wisdom?”

Sam and Roy look at each other like they’ve understood the same plot all along. It makes Sam feel like he’s flying. Imagine being on the same page as someone as smart as Uncle Roy. It could never been Sammy Slacker, and yet, it always is.

“Sadie, look at me,” Roy says. “Think about everything you know about college freshmen. Now. Do I seem like I’m stuck as one?”

“No,” Sadie says. “You have a clue. More than one, actually.”

“Mmm-hmm. But am I boring? Or do I still get excited about things, even when they seem normal? Or even when they seem dumb?”

“You applauded for a Rankin-Bass special earlier tonight.”

“And I’d do it again. That’s what I mean when I say nineteen. That’s what I think you’re gonna mean when you get there, too. The verve. The verve!”

He walks into the kitchen, probably for no other reason than dramatic effect. Sam laughs. That sounds about right for Roy. He’ll do anything just for the gesture, just to seem grand.

Sam looks across the room at Sadie, through the steam from his hot chocolate.

“Hey, Sadie,” he says.

“What?”

“Uncle Roy’s pretty funny.”

“Of course he is. Do you have a point, or are you just saying things I already know?”

“I have a point. I think I’m kind of funny, too.”

“You’re funnier than I am. That’s for sure.”

“Debatable. But I think … I think I’m a lot like Uncle Roy. And I think … I think when we get older, even more than nineteen, I’m going to be even more like him.”

Sadie laughs, almost like she doesn’t believe Sam. He frowns.

“What’s so funny?” he asks.

“Sam, you have a lot in common with Uncle Roy, but I don’t think you’re going to be just like him,” Sadie says.

“Why not?”

Sadie sighs.

“Well, for starters,” she says, “Uncle Roy is very private. There are things he only knows about himself. I don’t think they’re bad things. I just think he wants to keep them that way.”

“And what about me?”

“As long as I’m around, it’ll never work.”

Sam sighs. He pivots toward the kitchen with the mug of hot chocolate still piping in his hands. Roy comes out of the kitchen, and Sam stares at him through the steam, trying to figure out if Sadie was right.

(part of @nosebleedclub december challenge -- day 5!)