#in case you don't have autism spectrum disorder

[nxmimochi]

my glorious king wearing earmuffs isn't new he's actually had that shit on since the beginning...not that non-squaloists like You would know anything about that...heh...*gets shot* *gets shot* *gets sho

[july-19th-club]

me age seven being sat down in front of the school’s district child psych lady and being given strange, simple spatial puzzles to solve and then long, complicated worksheets and hammering my way through them at the speed of light while having zero comprehension what their purpose was or why i was here: this is urgent! i have to get a good grade in Weird Puzzles, Or Else, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

[thatkinkyautistic]

i love how you can read my url and be like okay,probably another "silly stereotypical tiktok quirky maniac pixie dream girl" autistic bitch. and then you read through my blog, and you're just like. oh, this bitch got AUTISM autism.

[nonspeakers-r-us]

Nobody talks about episodes of uncontrollable emotion and dangerous behaviors in severe Autism.

I apologize for the long post. This is important to me. Heavy CW for mention of knives, self-injurious behaviors, description of intense emotions, brief descriptions of restraints and police. Yes, I used the word "severe" to describe my Autism. This is because I am Nonspeaking, very High Support Needs, visibly Autistic, and have a Borderline IDD. This is how I choose to describe my Autism. Please don't attack me for this, Tumblr. Anyways. Darting out into busy streets. Repeatedly banging your head against walls. Throwing objects, sometimes even very dangerous objects such as knives. Breaking things - anything - no matter the value or durability. Unplanned, sudden violence towards self and others. Lashing out, in pure emotion, just screaming into nothing at the top of your lungs, for no obvious reason other than pure, unadulterated, terrifying emotion. This may not seem like symptoms of Autism for anyone, and they may not be caused by Autism at all. But for many young people and adults with severe Autism, this is what our families deal with regularly. "Difficult behaviors", as I've often heard them described as by social workers. There's often no clear reason for then. They just. Happen. We are almost never diagnosed with secondary conditions. It is considered a symptom of our severe/profound Autism. While in many Speaking and Low Support Needs people with Autism, they would be diagnosed with various conditions. Conduct Disorder. Bipolar. Borderline Personality Disorder. Maybe even a severe case of Intermittent Explosive Disorder. But for those of us on the more visible part of the Spectrum, nobody knows how to deal with us. It's scary and heartbreaking for our families, and deeply traumatic for us. Many times, our families and caregivers will turn to emergency services such as police or EMTs when they have no where else to turn. I don't like this option, I hate it. But in moments of extreme panic and fear, I don't always blame families for this. Nobody talks about those of us who have been restrained by our arms and ankles to hospital beds for weeks at a time. Nobody talk about those of us who turn violent on the people we love most, when we just can't control ourselves. I wish I had good advice for those of us struggling with this. I wish I could comfort you. While mood stabilizers and antipsychotic medications have helped me, it doesn't help everyone. DBT for severely Autistic individuals is another thing that greatly helped me. This is a fact of life for many individuals with severe Autism and their families. It's terrifying. But please keep trying treatment, keep advocating for yourself as much as possible, and keep going. I'm sure you don't think this means anything, but you are strong. You are brave. I see you and I want you to keep going. Nobody talks about episodes of uncontrollable emotion and dangerous behaviors in severe Autism.

[coldresolve]

How to Write a Schizoid Character

Schizoid Personality Disorder (SzPD) affects an estimated 1% of the population, similar to rates of autism, but is widely overlooked both in real life and in fiction - to the point where it is often colloquially labelled "the silent disorder". This is a somewhat comprehensive guide in how to write a character with SzPD, from someone who has it.

Quick research guide

I'm writing this guide with the underlying assumption that you've already done some cursory reading into the basics of SzPD. At this point, you need to understand two things: One is that this disorder is incredibly poorly researched, due to schizoids often not seeking treatment for the disorder itself (they sometimes seek treatment for comorbidities like depression or anxiety); and two, as a result of this, there is a lot of over-simplified misinformation out there about SzPD. This disorder often gets boiled down, even by mental health professionals, to the DSM-V or IDC-10 diagnostic criteria, which are criticised widely in the schizoid community for being incredibly superficial descriptions of overt SzPD. This is the kind of case where you need to seek out the SzPD specialists or the schizoids themselves for information about the disorder.

Akhtar's profile is a good overview. Psychologist Elinor Greenberg has a quora where she answers all sorts of questions about SzPD, and she typically hits the nail on the head. Other resources include Schizoid Angst, a youtube channel run by a man who has SzPD (this convo in particular is really good). If you're interested in a deep dive, I recommend reading The Divided Self by R.D. Laing for a deeper understanding of the inner workings of schizoids, as well as the relationship between SzPD and the rest of the schizophrenia spectrum.

Understand the "root" of SzPD

SzPD typically forms as the result abuse, neglect or abandonment in childhood. Schizoids have learned through trauma that emotional intimacy, vulnerability, and dependence on other people all have the potential to harm them badly, and as a result, they tend to avoid those things. In that sense, schizoids don't have a problem with other people, per se. Understanding this fact can help you write your schizoid character with more realism and nuance.

For example, it's a common misconception that all schizoids are averse to having sex. Many schizoids are, to be fair - but plenty of schizoids also frequently engage in hook-up culture, or form other sexual relationships. Physical intimacy can be entirely seperate from emotional intimacy, and thus pose no real risk to a person with SzPD. It's also possible for schizoids to form good relationships with other people, if those relationships are based on non-emotional grounds, such as recreational interests, work, religion, etc.

You can show this in your schizoid character by thinking about which of your other characters your schizoid might gravitate towards. In general, they will feel safest with characters who place few (or no) emotional demands on them, don't place high value on phatic gestures, don't pry into their emotional state or background, respect their need for independence and agency, and so on.

Overt or Covert?

Once you've researched the disorder a bit, you need to decide whether your schizoid character is overt or covert. The overt/covert split is about 50%/50%, so neither is more likely than the other.

Overt schizoids tend to be a lot more blunt about their indifference, visibly detached and aloof, and are typically way less likely to engage in social settings (or be in social settings at all). These are the characters who have blunt affect, ie. won't have much of an emotional reaction to their surroundings, even if it directly involves them (ex. getting praised/criticised). They may have odd speaking patterns, such as stilted or vague speech, and can sometimes come across as cold and uncaring. Overt schizoids are noticably reluctant to reveal what's going on in their internal world, so they might also come across as enigmatic, secretive, or mistrustful.

If your character is an overt schizoid, think about how their behavior and personality are percieved by other characters, what kind of reactions might arise. Think about how your schizoid character might navigate these reactions - after all, they're probably used to getting comments. How do they react if someone comments on how disinterested/moody they seem? Do they tell the person to fuck off? Do they raise an eyebrow, and that's that?

Covert schizoids, or "secret" schizoids, experience the exact same symptoms as overt SzPD, but they hide it behind what's called a false-self system. You can think of it as a form of compulsive masking. Apart from perhaps vaguely eccentric behavior, you typically won't be able to tell that a secret schizoid has SzPD unless you know what you're looking for. If your character is a secret schizoid, they will behave in a way that seems socially engaged and interested, maybe even extroverted, but they will be emotionally withdrawn and safe within an internal world.

If your character is a covert schizoid, your other characters might not notice that anything is out of the ordinary with them at all - until they learn more about your character's lifestyle. Secret schizoids are not as used to being confronted about their odd behavior as overt schizoids are, and, depending on the character overall, might respond to these confrontations with awkwardness, defensiveness or confusion. Many secret schizoids are also unaware that they have SzPD, but are instead just vaguely aware that their behavior and preferences seem strange and different to other people.

Figure out the internals

An intricate internal fantasy life makes for a well-thought-out, sharply self-aware character. Schizoids spend most of their time in their own heads, so you need to have a good understanding of your character's internal world, fantasies and reflections, and how these things affect their behavior, priorities and decisions.

For many schizoids, their fantasy life is rooted in their own lives, either their past, present, or future - what-ifs, what-if-nots and could've-beens. They'll have internal "interactions" with other people they know, play out entire conversations and scenarios, and respond and react much more vividly than they tend to in real life. For other schizoids, their fantasies exist in a world entirely seperate to our own, with its own rules and structure, which they can explore to their own liking. For others yet, they think up fictional stories, sometimes inspired by real life, sometimes not.

Themes in the internal world often reflect the schizoid's own struggle with independence and intimacy. A lot of schizoids use their fantasies as a safe and sufficient way to feel "connected" to others. Others have violent, vengeful fantasies, which often juxtapose the indifferent demeanor - these fantasies tie in to the need for independence and emotional control, sometimes referred to as schizoid omnipotence.

Beyond the intricate fantasies, consider your character's moral beliefs. Schizoids tend toward idiosyncasy - we're in the "odd and eccentric" cluster for a reason. Akhtar described this quality as "occasionally strikingly amoral, at other times altruistically self-sacrificing." Take some time to figure out how this might express itself in your character, and how it is percieved by the characters around them.

Schizoids and relationships

You know how borderlines have their favorite person, and narcissists have their chosen person? A schizoid might just stumble upon someone who will become their interest person, or IP.

An IP is someone outside their immediate close family who the schizoid feels safe enough to be vulnerable with, are genuinely interested in, and who the schizoid forms an honest-to-god emotional connection to. This relationship can be either romantic or platonic in nature. If you choose to give your schizoid character an IP, make sure to emphasize how much this relationship stands out as uniquely meaningful to the schizoid - this is the one person they are even capable of having a genuine bond with, and that bond alone can keep them grounded against feelings of cosmic isolation. Your schizoid isn't likely to take this for granted.

An interesting tidbit of information is that schizoids paradoxically tend to gravitate towards relationships with highly extroverted, emotional people, to the point where the schizoid-hysteric relationships are an entire category of psychological research. Here's a really good snippet that describes how that dynamic tends to play out.

(Also keep in mind that just because a schizoid doesn't have an IP does not necessarily mean they are miserable. A lot of schizoids are capable of finding their own peace with whatever tools they have available.)

Another notable term for schizoid relationships is the controversial stock friend. A stock friend is a person who considers themself friends with the (typically covert) schizoid, and who thinks they have an emotional connection with them, but who the schizoid feels no emotional connection to, has no real interest in, and only interacts with out of convenience or happenstance. Is this immoral? Are schizoids leading people on, or are we justified in masking to avoid a constant stream of awkward confrontations, that have the potential to hurt other people's feelings? Who knows.

Splitting

You might have heard of idealization/devaluation-splitting as it pertains to borderline PD (bad/good) or narcissistic PD (worthy/unworthy). Splitting happens in SzPD as well, along the axis of safe/unsafe.

Schizoids will occasionally cut other people out of their lives, and this usually happens when they get overwhelmed with another person's attempts at emotional intimacy, or their boundaries have been deliberately or repeatedly crossed. They will often view the person as relentlessly prying, controlling, demanding, or dangerous, and will desperately seperate themself from that person as a way to avoid being consumed, or "smothered". At this point, if the other person doesn't let the schizoid get away, the schizoid might become overtly hostile. This is a fear response.

If you want to write a schizoid splitting, be aware that a split with a schizoid usually marks the end of the relationship altogether - especially if the relationship hasn't lasted for very long, and double especially if the person isn't the schizoid's IP. Once a schizoid has lost trust in someone, that trust is very, very difficult to build back up, even if both parties agree to try. Your schizoid character is going to be incredibly wary of the other person, and the relationship is probably never going to feel like it did before.

Beware of stereotypes

Every once in a while I'll encounter a story that features a character who has very obvious schizoid traits, and almost every single time, their arc leaves me disappointed and frustrated. Here are some tropes I would personally avoid writing for a schizoid character.

"He just needed love all along." Kill this trope, no exceptions. Strong emotional intimacy can erode or overpower a schizoid's sense of self, and usually leads to feelings of smothering, being trapped/crushed by the other, and losing autonomy and independence. A schizoid is capable of love on their own specific terms, but if it's on the terms of other people, they will strongly feel like it's something being forced on them against their will. They might still outwardly "accept it" as a form submission or compliance, but it will not be out of love. This trope gives me psychic damage.

"He sacrificed his life for others, which proves that he cared all along." This trope isn't necessarily bad, it just always leaves me with this impression that neurotypicals can only interpret caring when it happens in the extremes. And while it's true that schizoids can sometimes be altruistically self-sacrificing, it's kinda depressing to see schizoid-like characters die all the time. There are other ways you could show schizoid altruism that would also leave the door open for more closure for the character themself.

"He turned evil and violent." While this trope isn't quite as common as it is with other disorders, notably those from cluster B, it does still exist. So here's your friendly reminder that mentally ill and neurodivergent people are more likely to be the victims of violence than to be perpetrators, by far. I'm not saying you should never write a schizoid bad guy, you certainly can - I'm just telling you to be very careful about how you go about it, so you don't end up sending the wrong kind of message.

Conclusion

Schizoid characters are cool, and I wish there were more well-written canonically schizoid characters out there. But I'm also clearly biased, so what do I know

[mikasa-imadebiscults]

Hey I was wondering if you could do the hashira and uppermoons with an autistic s/o and how they would act around them. You don't have to do this if your not comfortable with btw🙂

(Hello Anon, sorry it took awhile to complete this request but I hope you enjoy this!!)

KNY with a Autistic S/O

(Characters Included- All the Hashira and all the Upper Moons besides Daki, Gyutaro, Gyokko, Hantengu, and Kaigaku)

(Warning: Swearing!)

When you told them they were confused. They didn’t know what autism was so they asked you to inform them about what it is. When you told them about it they wanted to help you so they asked you a few questions about what helps you when you’re feeling overstimulated. The first time they see you overstimulated they panic a little on the inside but managed to keep their composure and do whatever you need them to do to help you calm down.

|MITSURI, Sanemi, Obanai, Muichiro, Giyuu

They knew what autism spectrum disorder was and they thanked you for trusting them enough to tell them. They’ll carry earmuffs around/have them nearby just in case you get overstimulated by any loud noises. If anyone decides to give you any shit or makes fun of you cause of it they’ll be there to give a very long stern talk to the person. They will also listen to you talk about your special interests for hours on end.

|SHINOBU, Akaza, Kokushibo, DOUMA, Rengoku, GYOMEI, UZUI

Masterlist

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

I've been researching for months and think I'm on the spectrum. My dad is diagnosed ADHD and my mom shows a lot of signs of being Autistic. I brought up that I might be on the spectrum but my mom dismissed it by saying she has the same/similar sensory issue. I don't know wether I should keep looking into it or not considering they told me to stop, any advice?

Hi there,

It’s up to you if you want to keep pursuing a diagnosis. If you’re really curious, there are some online tests I’ve found.

I like these since they show how intense your traits are. I’ll leave links in case you want to try it. I know online tests can be unreliable, but I think these are a good start if you’re wondering if you’re neurodivergent.

I hope these help. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[metalheadsforblacklivesmatter]

Today's contribution for Disability Pride Month

Obligatory "I don't have this disorder. I'm raising awareness because I'm so fucking sick of women that drink while pregnant bitching about how hard it is being an 'autism mom'". (Autism mom in quotes because a) it's probably not autism and b) the phrase "autism mom" to describe "mom if an autistic kid" is stupid.)

(I'm going to use the term "women" instead of "uterus haver" not to be exclusionary or transphobic. But because I have a severe headache effecting my ability to find words. I am trans-masc. Don't cancel me. I'm not a FART.)

(This is not to demonize people that suffer from alcoholism. Addiction is a very real disability. This is to raise awareness for one of the only known preventable birth defects and hopefully seek help.)

Thank you for the people at @bfpnola discord for checking my post to make sure this doesn't sound eugenics-y.

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD)

FASD (previously known as fetal alcohol syndrome) is a disability that can range from mild to severe dependant on how much the mother drank while pregnant. It only takes one glass of wine while pregnant to cause this disorder

I already know what the fuck this is. Why are you talking about it?

Because your only know about the severe cases diagnosed as fetal alcohol syndrome. You THINK you know what it is. But the reclassification has only come up in like... 2003? Fetal alcohol syndrome is like... the far end worst severity of FASD. And since the new information of it being a spectrum disorder, estimates have the disorder as high as 5% of the population (and I really think it's higher based on some information I'm about to share).

Fine. So what is this... spectrum disorder?

Very good! So this disorder is HIGHLY misdiagnosed as autism. So all those boomers bitching about "the rates of autism going up?" Yeah they probably caused it. Symptoms include low body weight, facial differences, poor coordination, difficulty maintaining attention, poor memory, poor emotional regulation, slower development, poor reasoning skills, issues with the heart, bones, and kidneys, shorter height, shorter head size,

I have all of those things. How do I know it's FASD and not the autism?

That's kinda the issue. The only real way you can know is ask your mom if there's ANY possibility she's had a drink while she was pregnant. I can't stress this enough IT ONLY TAKES ONE DRINK. For instance I have a lot of those issues, but my mom was so paranoid she wouldn't even dye her hair or drink coffee. Like there's NO WAY.

Like what do I do about it?

Mostly get your accommodations met and raise awareness. Like people are still actively drinking while pregnant because they are still under the pre-2000 belief that just a couple of drinks are okay. It's really not. Not to mention most women don't know they're pregnant until 4-6 weeks in. So they shouldn't be drinking if they're actively trying to have a child. Because that increases the risk.

What the fuck. People are drinking while pregnant? I don't believe you.

Each of these claims are linked.

30.3% of all women reported drinking alcohol at some time during pregnancy, of which 8.3% reported binge drinking (4+ drinks on one occasion)

According to the Center for Disease Control, one in 10 (10.2%) of pregnant women in the United States reports drinking alcohol in the past 30 days.

Despite clear evidence that primary prevention of FASD is possible if prenatal alcohol exposure is avoided, up to 80 % of women drink during pregnancy, many before pregnancy recognition

What? Women are drinking while pregnant? That's fucked up.

This is not to say people with FASD are lesser than.

But all of this "curing autism" when most of this "autism" is caused by a pregnant person's ability to stop fucking drinking for literally 5 minutes. THESE WOMEN THAT ARE DRINKING WHILE PREGNANT ARE THE ONES CAUSING ALL OF THIS GIVING "AUTISM". IF YOU DRANK WHILE PREGNANT. IF THERE'S EVEN A SLIVER OF A CHANCE THAT YOUR DRANK WHILE PREGNANT? ITS PROBABLY NOT AUTISM. ITS PROBABLY THIS DISORDER.

I'm just really fed up with all of these "autism moms" that also make "wine mom" jokes and making light of literal alcoholism bitching about how hard it is to be an "autism mom" because YOU'RE THE PROBLEM. STOP LAUGHING ABOUT YOUR ALCOHOLISM AND PUT THE DAMN GLASS DOWN.

But my parents are literally autistic

So they don't really know the generational effect of FASD because the new knowledge is so new. But since FASD is literally genetic issues caused by alcohol while you're in the womb. It's assumed that it can cause issues that are passed down.

But like this diagnosis is SO NEW that we really don't know much.

-fae

[alabyte]

Headcanon time! Here are some prompts that RP-Tech and I got during the current game.

«Tech and Crosshair are twins among the batch»: a thread.

Tech has autism spectrum disorder and ADHD, both of which are quite prominent and affect his perception of the world. Crosshair is probably also on the spectrum, but much closer to other members of the batch, but he is completely sincere in not understanding most of the emotions of those around him. This is mainly why they perfectly understand the emotions and perceptions of each other. Cross was one of the first among the brothers to develop tactics that help his brother cope with meltdowns and sensory overload - also because he sometimes experiences them himself.

They are literally a stronghold of sarcasm in their squad. Crosshair's sarcasm is caustic, obvious and hurtful, and everyone is used to it, and against this background it may seem that Tech almost does not use sarcasm - and, moreover, does not understand it. Wrong. Tech literally constantly speaks with sarcasm, but most often his intonation is indistinguishable from everyday life, which is why the sarcasm goes unnoticed. However, quite often you can see Cross somewhere nearby, who frantically tries not to smirk at his brother's next comment.

They have extremely implicit, incomprehensible to others, but important to themselves ways of expressing affection. They are two extremely emotionally closed clones who not only don't understand what's on their minds, they literally don't know how to talk about it. And what normal people usually express verbally is expressed differently for these two. Glancing, synchronous and expressive, is their way of getting each other's opinions and counting emotions. Short nods, a silent "thank you" that neither of them ever says aloud. The hand placed on the shoulder has long remained an unspoken "I am here", which for them, outwardly non-tactile and closed, means much more than words.

They often fought when they were cadets, and continue to fight now, already being soldiers. First of all, a fight for them is a way of communication, not an open conflict. In some cases, this is a way to fool around, and in some, on the contrary, the terminal stage of misunderstanding and the need to talk out loud about what worries them - because in the heat of a fight it is easier to speak on emotions.

Tech often feels the need for endless chatter about some scientific nonsense that has fascinated him. Crosshair happily listens to him every time, even if he doesn't understand a word - he has learned to almost ignore the flow of information, but secretly enjoys the very fact of spending time with Tech.

After Order 66, Tech was the only one in the squad who did not express obvious contempt for Crosshair. He understood how he thought, although he did not approve of it, but he could not go against the other brothers, no matter how much he wanted to. It was him who insisted that they must save Crosshair. "He's still our brother. We don't leave our own behind." They are still twins. Despite everything.

[misciaspossessed]

How to Properly Self-Diagnose (Mental Illness)

Find the diagnostic criteria, don't look up symptoms (search eg. adhd diagnostic criteria).

a. Make sure you know what illness you mean before searching (eg. you may search for the bpd (borderline personality disorder) criteria when you meant bd (bipolar disorder), do some research of what they are first in case you have it wrong, I recommend Verywell's List Of Psychological Disorders to go over several examples at once with links to extended descriptions (not an exhaustive list, for others, use Mayo Clinic or simply look at the criteria of specific disorders)).

b. Be aware of names like SAD and ASD, both mean (1) seasonal affective disorder and social anxiety disorder, (2) autism spectrum disorder and acute stress disorder. (Tell me if I missed any others)

2. Pay attention to the diagnosis instructions (don't think you need to meet all points, or again, not enough points) (eg. must meet at least 5 of the following 9 symptoms).

3. If you're confused, want to take extra precaution measures, or have questions/I missed something (which I probably did) contact me on Instagram (I won't see my Tumblr messages) (not a professional, just educated myself very much and have good discretion and logic skills (for most)).

a. Though I don't have perfect knowledge either, I have the ability to know and admit that I don't know 100% what I'm talking about if so (which some don't) and can give you instructions on what to do instead or help you go over the data personally instead of trying to translate an article just giving information, I could look at your symptoms specifically and help decode them.

b. If you said f that, I advise against asking a professional or medically diagnosed person, honestly, because it's unbelievable how often doctors don't know what they're talking about, and I wouldn't immediately ask other self diagnosed people either because of how ridiculous it can get (plenty stray far from these instructions), it's best to use good reasoning and know how to research topics, do as much research as possible, use several different sources and try to get the best answer.

4. If you don't know what you have but think you do have something you can message me directly also and I can tell you what your symptoms sound like and anything it could be.

Formatting was kinda weird but it works, hope this helps, don't hesitate to ask further or correct me.

[archaeology-findings]

I know this isn't what I usually post, but I want to share my journey of getting an autism diagnosis.

I want to show everyone who might be considering seeking a diagnosis the actual steps, to help de-mystify the whole process.

I know that I despise unfamiliar situations, and therefore going into a process where they hide each next step from you can be very anxiety-inducing. I couldn't find much information online about the actual process, only that I needed to ask my GP for a referral, then go to the assessment. It didn't help that none of the articles referred to the changes to this system that covid has made.

The process I'm sharing with you may not be exactly like yours. I'm trying to get a diagnosis on the NHS in England, post-covid and while most doctor's surgeries are experiencing severe staff shortages. I am also an 18 year old white female, so your experience might be different than mine.

My first step was to make an E-consult on my local surgery's website. I would have preferred a face-to-face appointment because it's a lot easier for me to interpret tone and get my point across this way, however they're not really offered anymore, especially for this type of appointment. Making the E-consult was quite hard, because you have to jump through a lot of hoops to find the right option for a referral, and even then I don't think I picked the right one.

The next day, I received this text, so I followed the link to download the questionnaire. It turned out to be the first ten questions of the Autism Spectrum Quotient questionnaire for adults. Since it was only a scan of the document, I printed it off to fill it out then scanned it and sent it back.

The next day, I received this response:

Obviously I had selected the wrong option, which is easily done since none of the options in the E-consult were explained. In true socially-anxious fashion, I put off responding to this for a few days but I eventually did and explained that I would like a NHS referral.

I then got this reply the day after:

The form was in the format of a word document so I completed it on my computer. It consisted of some personal details then a more in-depth list of symptoms for which I had to describe my personal symptoms. My mum and I filled it out together and I sent it back the same day.

This morning, I received a reply:

I am choosing to assume that this is a typo and that they meant to say ASD, since I don't show any symptoms of ADD (attention deficit disorder) and I did not ask for a diagnosis of ADD. Hopefully I will be contact by the ASD assessment service soon and I can confirm I was referred for the correct disorder.

This is everything up til now, I will reblog with updates as they occur. On the whole I'd say I'm fairly impressed with how fast my GP has responded to me, so I'm hoping this continues to be the case.

[ur-frndly-neighborhood-memer1]

WAS OZAI AN ABUSIVE FATHER TO AZULA?

I know most people will immediately go "Yes, he fcking was!" without the slightest hesitation. And I agree. Ozai was certainly an abusive father, not surprising considering the fact that he is a total narcissist (Some people say he is a psychopath, but this isn't true). Narcissistic parents are very likely to be abusive towards children even if it goes unnoticed by others, even by the children.

However, there are also many people out there who claims Ozai never abused Azula. I also sort of agree with this. Yeah, he didn't abuse her physically or verbally like he did with Zuko. But let's not forget psychological and emotional abuse are still abuse. And Ozai totally takes the cake!

When we take a look at their family roles, we clearly see that Ozai was the narcissistic father, Azula was the golden child and Zuko was obviously the scapegoat (also the invisible child at times). And this dynamic makes a ton of sense. So, let's start with the definitions!

-Golden child, as you can understand from its name, is the child who is being favored by their narcissistic parent. They're often lauded for having something special that the narcissistic parent values; such as academic performance, athletics, good-looks... It can be anything. And for Azula, it's because she was a firebending prodigy and an extremely bright strategist, also clearly inherited her father's ruthless nature. And not surprisingly, golden children often have more privileges that the other children don't. And we clearly saw that Azula was given a huge and majestic Fire Nation ship only for her.

Azula was obviously spoiled rotten by her father. But spoiling a child isn't exactly the same thing with showing affection. But still, I can totally imagine Ozai giving Azula anything she wants in a materialistic way, doesn't matter how expensive it is. It's no surprise that Ozai poisoned his daughter's mind with a false sense of superiority instead of teaching her empathy and compassion... However, while he was giving her anything in a materialistic way, he wouldn't give a damn about giving her something to satisfy her emotional needs.

-As a contrast to the golden child, the scapegoat is the least favorite/disliked child of the narcissistic parent. Doesn't matter how hard they try, doesn't matter how much they make a progress, doesn't matter how good they actually are, they will never be good enough for the narcissistic parent. They remain as a constant failure and a disappointment. Zuko is literally the embodiment of a scapegoat!

-And lastly, the invisible child is the child who goes unnoticed in the house. They're not recognized and often ignored by their narcissistic parent. Zuko was also ghosted by Ozai in the past. Like...

So now that we are certain about the family roles, we can get deeper into the relationship dynamic between Ozai and Azula.

Narcissistic fathers in real life also tend to favor their daughters over their sons (it's also the same case for narcissistic mothers, they often favor their sons and are rather harsh towards their daughters). Because in the deep down, they fear that son threatens his authority over the family, so he is a potential compitetion in the narcissistic father's eyes. And since Zuko looks nearly identical to his father, this only the encouraged the deep fear in Ozai about his authority being shaken by his son.

But a daughter on the other hand, admires her father, just like how Azula admired and idolized Ozai. Narcissistic supply here everyone! So in other words, Azula was the "flying monkey" in their relationship too. For those who don't know it, let me explain it shortly:

If you want to learn more about it, you can check the link here, https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-autism-spectrum-disorder/202010/are-you-narcissist-s-flying-monkey%3Famp&ved=2ahUKEwjCtO7iwJD8AhVsX_EDHQzyB-kQFnoECAcQBQ&usg=AOvVaw1ck3Gk4T-LS0zOmbrijSff

So, why do I think that Azula was the flying monkey? It's because;

-She totally worshipped her father,

-She was obeying his commands,

-She was doing all the dirty works for him...

Think about it, Zuko in Legend of Korra went back to Fire Nation in order to protect his daughter (who was already an adult) from Red Lotus. And Ozai sent his 14 year old child after Avatar, literally the most powerful person in the world.

Yes, you can say that Ozai sent Azula because Zhao failed, Zuko was useless and Iroh was a traitor... And at age of 14, Azula was already a crazy powerful firebender. So, according to Ozai, if someone really could take down the Avatar, it would be his own golden daughter (which she technically did in season 2 finale)

So strangely, Ozai definitely believed in Azula and considered her a strong warrior who would bring glory to Fire Nation, but it wouldn't stop him from using her as his personal weapon. But I'm pretty sure that was Ozai's way of "love" his daughter.

For narcissistic people, love is a complicated case. They only love their children as extensions of themselves. Their supposed love for their children is there, because the children are their parts, their flesh and blood. And Ozai is no exception, of course. Ozai's "love" for Azula was ultimately toxic and conditional.

As a contrast to this, we get a healthy relationship between Ursa and Zuko. They loved each other dearly. Ursa's love for Zuko was genuine and unconditional. Now, that's how you show love!

But because Ozai's approval was hard to earn, Azula had to work for her entire life. She had to do everything perfectly, because Ozai isn't exactly a type of father who would tolerate anything less than perfect. So Azula didn't really have another choice other than being perfect as it befits the Fire Lord's model heir. But of course, Ozai's extremely high expectations forced Azula to become obsessively perfectionistic. It's also a common case in real life. The children of the narcissistic parents often come across as perfectionists in order to please their parents, and Azula is no exception. So, it's no wonder why she cracks at some point due to the all the pressure she lived through for her entire life... And yes, putting so much pressure on a child is definitely a psychological form of abuse.

So in a sense, Azula had to "walk on eggshells" for her entire life in order to be seem as the ideal princess for the Fire Nation. Oh, and for those who don't know what "walking on eggshells" means,

(Here is a simple definition. You can check its details)

And why do I say all this? Because Azula was extremely cautious around Ozai in order to not offend or disrespect him. Otherwise, she would become a failure in his eyes, just like Zuko. And we all know how Ozai treats failures... Not nicely

So at the end of the day, Azula was psychologically abused by her father. And she was emotionally abused as well, because not caring/ignoring a child's emotional needs is definitely neglect, and neglect is definitely a form of emotional abuse. Which is, again, not surprising since narcissistic parents only care about their golden child when they perform something good. Other than this, they don't give a shit about the child's emotional needs and mental health.

And let's not forget, the golden children are very likely to become narcissistic when they grow up too. So, Azula became just like her daddy. While some of her antisocial traits were innate, they're definitely encouraged by Ozai. So Azula didn't only inherit her father's cruelty in nature, but was also influenced by his cruelty in nurture. Which makes their relationship very interesting. Because Ozai created a monster just like himself

But strangely... Ozai is a son of a narcissistic father too, but he wasn't a golden child. Just the opposite, he was the scapegoat of his family! Azulon notably favored Iroh and didn't give a shit about Ozai. Worse, he was seen to be cold and harsh towards his own son, just like how Ozai was cold and harsh towards Zuko. That means Azulon definitely Zuko-ed Ozai. And the abuse that he suffered his father's hand turned him into the megalomaniac asshole he is today.

(Not exactly the stare of a loving father, is it?)

Which means Ozai projected his own insecurities on Zuko (and it gets worse since he remarkably looks like him and becomes a constant reminder of his weaknesses), and he also projected his grandiosity on Azula, that's why he doted on her skills. Think about it, he truly shows a certain respect towards Zuko when he was told that he slaved the Avatar. In fact, it was the only time that Ozai felt proud of his son.

At the end of the day, abuse was an endless cycle in the Fire Nation royal family. From Sozin to Azulon, from Azulon to Ozai and Iroh, and from Ozai to Zuko and Azula... They were all circles of the chain, only to Zuko with Iroh's help to break it and ending this toxic cycle for good. Which is a fascinating story in my opinion. And if the cycle continued, Azula could very well become an abuser as well, copying her father. After all, being a victim doesn't prevent someone from becoming an abuser too, which is exactly what happened with Ozai.

Long story short, Ozai indeed abused Azula. But it's a complex situation, not as simple as some people like to dismiss. But their relationship is definitely very interesting in my opinion, and it really stands out as a realistic portrayal of narcissistic father-daughter relationship in the series.

[lej222]

Seo Jisu Character Analysis (ASLFUA)

After the latest chapter of Unripe Apples (117), I felt like I had to write this post because of the immense hate this character received. I personally find him the most interesting part of the series because in order to understand his actions, you need to put all the pieces of the puzzle together that the author has given us from the very first chapter. I've seen posts about him being a "bully" or "an unserious funny guy" and I found these pretty bad interpretations of his place in the story as of now.

Let me explain. In my opinion, there's a high possibility that Jisu is on the autistic spectrum. Let's look at all the clues that can lead to this conclusion.

Physical appearance

Jisu has an "expressionless" face from his very first appearance. He also has his mouth open a lot of times, especially when he's supposed to emotionally react to a certain situation or he doesn't understand something. These are typical signs of people with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). We can also see that even when he's feeling more extreme emotions, such as surprise, his facial expressions don't change significantly like in the case of other characters, the change is always slight. It's probably important, as all the other characters show a wider range of emotions with their faces, and we are talking about a manhwa where body language is clearly important (like how Miae or Cheol walk, for example, tells a lot about their characters).

Behavioral patterns and personality

Let's quickly get one thing out of the way - if Jisu is indeed on the spectrum, then saying that he's an unserious guy or immature or a bully is insensitive and a bad misinterpretation of his character. Autistic people are not immature, sometimes they even deal with stronger emotions than most people, but they have a hard time expressing these feelings. Just because they seem expressionless doesn't mean they are ignorant, it means that they see the world in a different way, which is not a problem. Miae doesn't need to make "a man out of him" and other weird takes I've seen in the last few days.

Having clarified this, let's look at some things that Jisu does in the story that could show us he might be neurodivergent.

-We see that Jisu is often sleeping and yawning in the story, even as a kid. For neurodivergent people, sighing and yawning are not only the signs of boredom/tiredness, but also tools for emotional regulation. Autistic fatigue is a real thing and it can be caused by many things like major life changes, sensory overload or even prolonged interactions at work or school. Some autistic people do not even notice that they are yawning until someone points it out to them. He also sometimes looks away while talking to Miae (like in ch117)

-Jisu is shown to have exceptional mental capabilities, it wouldn't be an overstatement to say he might be a genius. Many people on the autism spectrum have higher-than-average intelligence and Jisu clearly has exceptional capabilities if he could earn the first place in school without much effort. He also knows the names of all his previous classmates as shown in ch 117 so he seems to be good at memorizing factual information.

It connects to my previous point, but Jisu has his own unique way of perceiving the world and other people find it hard to understand. Even among his schoolmates, Jisu is famous for his "unique" personality, as Miae's friend points it out. Miae sometimes doesn't understand what Jisu wants to communicate and she ends up misinterpreting his intentions, the latest chapter was the biggest proof of this. Here's the thing, Jisu doesn't know that what he did annoyed Miae. He seems to have trouble understanding social clues and is genuinely surprised when Miae calls him a bully - because he never felt like he was bullying her. He always asks back when she's accusing him of something ("Me?" "Is that true?") because he cannot understand why she's saying those things about him. He isn't trying to be rude, he's simply confused, and Miae takes it the wrong way because she's an impulsive person. Jisu talks in a blunt way and his way of showing remorse is also strange to Miae, the best example is when he flipped over the plant just to prove that he wasn't bullying her.

-Jisu also seems to take things literally, like when Miae told him to stop yawning or when she told him she would twist his arms if he put them on her desk. Like many people with ASD, he seems to observe others and imitate their behavioral patterns, like when he imitated the way Miae was walking and she thought he was bullying her. He simply said that her way of walking was interesting. Talking about interesting, Jisu finds his coincidental meetings with Miae fun and interesting and it ties with the fact that neurodivergent people can have unique "fixations" including fixations on people. Jisu finds these occasions fun, but fails to read the social clues that Miae is bothered by it. While Jisu seems to avoid socialization at school and is mainly alone most times, it might seem strange that he has a fixation on Miae, but for autistic people this contradiction is not weird at all. She was also the person who helped him as a kid, so the theory that Jisu showed her how to count airplanes doesn't seem far-fetched knowing that it's indeed a pretty unique habit. In conclusion, Jisu was probably not even aware that he was being rude, because he just wanted to get close to Miae and found her fun. He even apologized in ch117 for not understanding her feelings.

So, extra thoughts quickly:

Jisu is not immature, he actually seems to have mature thoughts, but has trouble picking up social clues like how he should behave normally (that's why we see him doing all that ninja-stunt and hiding in the bush), and he cannot seem to realize that his direct approach to Miae seems excessive to other people. People on the spectrum are NOT immature, they won't magically change and they do not do a lot of things intentionally. Jisu seems to be pretty wise as well, he can see situations rationally like when Miae wanted to disrupt the faceless girl's confession (sorry, forgot the name)

So, what's his role in the story?

In my opinion, he's definitely the catalyst to Miae's growth as a person. Ch 115 even calls Miae out saying that Cheol has changed a lot, is it Miae's time to grow? Miae was Cheol's catalyst for sure, she brought him out of his shell, encouraged to make friends at school etc. But what about Miae? Sure, she has a few moments when she reflected on her actions when she was with Cheol, but she didn't mature significantly, whether people accept it or not she's still emotionally immature in many ways. It's not a coincidence in my opinion that the relationship between Jisu and Miae parallels the Cheol-Miae dynamic, in ch 117 Miae even used the same words and expression Cheol once told her ("Don't act like we're friends.") Let's just quickly look at some things where Miae's immaturity could be felt:

Miae is a messy person, doesn't clean her room and loses her stuff. She's forced to clean the school because Jisu didn't understand her frustrations, so SHE had to be the responsible one. Cheol always says that he will take responsibility for her, but Miae needs to be responsible on her own. Same goes to when she wanted to teach Jisu. Miae doesn't take her studies seriously, is often distracted, but she had to be responsible (even if it was not her choice and felt betrayed)

But most importantly, Miae thinks about Jisu's advice whether she hates him or not. Two good examples: when he called her out on her relationship with Cheol while they were cleaning; and when he stopped her from interrupting the confession. Deep down, Miae knows that Jisu was right, but she's too prideful to admit it. Jisu doesn't want Miae to be the "weird" girl probably because he was also bullied for being "weird."

Miae is also very impulsive, which is not necessarily a bad thing but she keeps hitting Jisu for the reason that he annoys her. But what if, she realizes, he indeed meant no harm, wouldn't she feel bad? We are shown that she used to hit kids who made fun of her, but as you grow up, violence is not the answer. You have to be level-headed in situations even when you feel angry. And understanding Jisu's intentions might be the first step to achieve that.

So, these are just my speculations, could be totally wrong as always, but I'm interested in what others think.

Edit:: it's not my purpose to diagnose these characters, but there are enough clues in the story to conclude that Jisu is indeed neurodivergent. Obviously, these traits are not strictly connected to ASD, this is just a theory, and I do not condone any hate on teenagers, even if they are fictional, so please refrain from doing so. Miae also shows signs of ADHD, but there's a possibility these things won't get addressed directly as the story takes place in the 90s.

Edit2:: I feel like the latest chapter on Naver(124) reinforced this theory again. Jisu was not simply angry, he was livid. Most people on the spectrum find it difficult to regulate their feelings, especially anger. It can lead to outbursts or even meltdowns, just think about how Jisu wanted to hit Cheol and how intense his reaction was compared to his usual behaviour. It definitely felt like an outburst. Also, have you guys seen how often he avoids eye contact since I first made this post?

(Btw, for those who say that Jisu's biggest problem was that he couldn't catch Miae - I feel like it had to do more with the fact that he almost smashed his head into the ground and was humiliated in front of everybody. We know that he was bullied as a kid so it's no surprise he felt intense anger, even his head kept hurting from the fall.)

[aspd-culture]

Hey this is kind of a silly question but I figured I'd ask it anyway. I know pwASPD can feel fear but what are the limitations of that? This is mostly about myself because I'm questioning if I have ASPD and I'm really afraid of heights, in my case I think it has more to do with a lack of control than anything else but I'm not sure. Anyway I hope your well.

No worries, with a disorder with this little legitimate, unbiased research, I don't know that many silly questions exist, and yours is definitely legitimate.

In general, I would say there is not a cap to how much/how intense fear can be for someone with ASPD, any more than there is for anyone else. In fact, because pwASPD nearly always have it caused by some amount of trauma, and PTSD causes responses like anxiety and hypervigilance, I'd argue many pwASPD may feel fear more frequently and more intensely than untraumatized prosocials.

PwASPD can have blunted emotions, but that isn't always the case, and when it is, which emotions are blunted is entirely individual. For me, the main emotions that were blunted are sadness (the genuine, not depression one), contentedness, and affection. All 3 of these are emotions I *do* feel, but to a lower degree than most. They become extremely blunted during flares to the point where it feels as though I am incapable of feeling them, and then they come back.

I've heard of pwASPD who feel all "negative" emptions very intensely with "positive" ones being blunted, and I've heard the opposite where they almost feel numbed to fear, sadness, etc. because those are their natural state of being and have been for so many years, but when they are given genuine reason to feel happy/excited/etc. they feel that very, very intensely. Any combination thereof is possible, and it's also common for a pwASPD to not deal with any emotional blunting or nearly all emotions blunted.

The only emotions I've seen any contention about being able to be blunted are anger and its cousins (jealousy, frustration, etc.) and boredom. Because these are noted in associated features to be fairly intense for pwASPD, some say it isn't possible for those to be blunted. In my personal opinion, I don't think that's the case, or else those would be listed in criteria. Even criteria dom't all get met by every pwASPD, and when dealing with personality disorders, it isn't very rational to say for certain that an associated feature has to be present in everyone with that disorder.

Personality disorders exist on a spectrum in a similar way to autism because both affect a person's entire life. Every thought, action, etc. are influenced to some degree by personity disorders for those of us who have them; that's just the nature of PDs. When you're dealing with a range of symptoms that are *that* wide, you can bet that thete will be heavy variation between pw that disorder.

A fear of heights definitely does not mean you can't have ASPD or vice versa. That's considered an overactive survival instinct, which pwASPD still definitely are capable of having. In fact, many ASPD symptoms are direct results of unstable survival instincts. In some ways, we disregard our safety, yet our reactions to social situations and other people are a direct attempt by our brain to survive in a world we were taught was dangerous early on. So whilst there isn't a fear I think would exclude any person from having ASPD, this one in particular actually makes a lot of sense for someone with ASPD to struggle with.

I hope this helps!/gen

Plain text below the cut:

No worries, with a disorder with this little legitimate, unbiased research, I don't know that many silly questions exist, and yours is definitely legitimate.

In general, I would say there is not a cap to how much/how intense fear can be for someone with ASPD, any more than there is for anyone else. In fact, because pwASPD nearly always have it caused by some amount of trauma, and PTSD causes responses like anxiety and hypervigilance, I'd argue many pwASPD may feel fear more frequently and more intensely than untraumatized prosocials.

PwASPD can have blunted emotions, but that isn't always the case, and when it is, which emotions are blunted is entirely individual. For me, the main emotions that were blunted are sadness (the genuine, not depression one), contentedness, and affection. All 3 of these are emotions I *do* feel, but to a lower degree than most. They become extremely blunted during flares to the point where it feels as though I am incapable of feeling them, and then they come back.

I've heard of pwASPD who feel all "negative" emptions very intensely with "positive" ones being blunted, and I've heard the opposite where they almost feel numbed to fear, sadness, etc. because those are their natural state of being and have been for so many years, but when they are given genuine reason to feel happy/excited/etc. they feel that very, very intensely. Any combination thereof is possible, and it's also common for a pwASPD to not deal with any emotional blunting or nearly all emotions blunted.

The only emotions I've seen any contention about being able to be blunted are anger and its cousins (jealousy, frustration, etc.) and boredom. Because these are noted in associated features to be fairly intense for pwASPD, some say it isn't possible for those to be blunted. In my personal opinion, I don't think that's the case, or else those would be listed in criteria. Even criteria dom't all get met by every pwASPD, and when dealing with personality disorders, it isn't very rational to say for certain that an associated feature has to be present in everyone with that disorder.

Personality disorders exist on a spectrum in a similar way to autism because both affect a person's entire life. Every thought, action, etc. are influenced to some degree by personity disorders for those of us who have them; that's just the nature of PDs. When you're dealing with a range of symptoms that are *that* wide, you can bet that thete will be heavy variation between pw that disorder.

A fear of heights definitely does not mean you can't have ASPD or vice versa. That's considered an overactive survival instinct, which pwASPD still definitely are capable of having. In fact, many ASPD symptoms are direct results of unstable survival instincts. In some ways, we disregard our safety, yet our reactions to social situations and other people are a direct attempt by our brain to survive in a world we were taught was dangerous early on. So whilst there isn't a fear I think would exclude any person from having ASPD, this one in particular actually makes a lot of sense for someone with ASPD to struggle with.

I hope this helps!/gen

[ametistapp]

Since it's Autism Awareness Month, here's

Why the puzzle piece is offensive to the Autistic Community

[Large text: Why the puzzle piece is offensive to the Autistic Community]

Unfortunately, the most commonly used symbols to represent autism are all puzzle related, like the ones bellow.

These symbols and similar ones are typically used by Autism Organizations that are run by allistic people rather than autistic, Autism Speaks being the best-known example across the internet, but not the only one.

I'm not going to go deep into how bad Autism Speaks is, but just to leave you with the tip of the iceberg, know they used to put out ads that demonized autistic people (and even one in which one of the organization's leaders spoke about wanting to drive herself and her autistic daughter off a bridge).

Autism Speaks, and many others, attempt to "teach" people about autism, without hearing what actually autistic people have to say, and that's their biggest (but not at all only) problem.

Now, stay with me as we dive into history...

The puzzle piece was first used as a symbol for autism in 1963, by UK's National Autism Society, later on being adopted by Autism Speaks, which made it more popular.

Back then, autism awareness campaigns were viewed as being similar to, for example, cancer awareness ones, because autism was seen as an illness, a disease (which it is not).

As I've made clear before, the puzzle piece is heavily associated with organizations that spread misinformation about autism, making it, of course, already a bad symbol to represent us, but there's something I personally feel bothers us a lot more, and that is the symbolism of the puzzle piece.

The puzzle piece represents an idea of "mystery" and — you guessed it — being "puzzled".

And us, autists, don't really appreciate being called confusing.

Not only that, these words were often used to describe autism offensively in the past (and still are). And, on top of that, most times, when you find a puzzle supposed to represent autism, it is incomplete.

Isn't the message clear enough?

We're people, not puzzles that have to be worked out. We're not incomplete and we're not "puzzled".

So

Which symbols can you use for autism awareness?

[Large text: Which symbols can you use for autism awareness?]

The infinity rainbow symbol is common for all neurodivergent people, while the golden infinity is specific for ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder, in case you didn't know the acronym).

The infinity symbol represents the complexity and vastness of neurodivergence and autism.

Autism is less about "severity" and more about different struggles in different topics and areas (though not a lot of people seem to understand that, unfortunately). After all, autism is a spectrum, not a scale.

And if you're interested in why golden is the color of choice for us, that'd be because the periodic symbol for gold is Au, which I think is very clever, haha.

Some people also like to use red or plain yellow, I don't know a lot about that, but I'd recommend you research it.

And since we're on the topic of color, just a warning: in the Autistic Community we kind of avoid using blue to represent us, especially because it is heavily associated with Autism Speaks' "Light It Up Blue" movement.

Blue is seen as a representation of feelings like sadness, as well as being commonly associated with boys (this is important because women and other AFAB are often misdiagnosed and underdiagnosed because many people still think autism is only found in boys, and because many traits are viewed as "normal behavior" in AFAB people).

This isn't to say you can't use blue in the title of your PowerPoint presentation about ASD, it's just a thing we try to avoid.

Well, that should be all.

I decided to make this post because I've seen many people post about which symbols to use for Autism Awareness Month, but no one explaining why.

Thought this could help some poor lost soul understand it, lol

Happy Autism Awareness Month, my beloved Yippies, and a thank you to everyone who stopped to read <3 (heart).

Now I'm gonna go clean my search history and my gallery, just reading "Autism Speaks" gives me the ick.

[c-m-stuff]

Surrounded

-Description: You and Spencer are together. You were overwhelmed by the press, and began to panic.

-Warnings: Fluffiness, angst, Autism Spectrum Disorder (reader)

-Word count: 869

-Note: First things first, I mention here a "celebrity", I completely made that name up, so don't bother searching it up. I also talk here about Autism, so please have respect for this subject, as some people are seriously dealing with it. Everyone's experience is different. Be safe! <3

Request Guidelines

Masterlist

_________________________

Y/N POV:

This case was different than the others. This time, a celebrity got killed. Mac Callen, a famous actor and director. Some hikers found him in the park. He was killed yesterday night, strangled to dead. But, of course, this was world news, it was all on tv.

Derek, Aaron, and me, just arrived back at the station. We saw JJ, already dealing with the press. There were so many of them.

We got out of the black SUV, but the press immediately surrounded us. All the cameras, microphones, and loud talking, overwhelmed me.

'Do you know who killed Mac?'

'Are all other celebrities in danger now?'

'The killer must to die!'

'Why got Mac killed, and not someone else?'

'Do you have any comment on what happened?'

So many questions. So many people. JJ always told us, to not answer questions until the press conference. So, I didn't said a word.

'We will answer your questions at the press conference. Thank you.' JJ spoke, before heading to the building.

I didn't really was honest, earlier. It's true, I said nothing. But, the truth is, I couldn't say something. I was so overwhelmed, with the whole press, and so many people coming at us. I just froze. I panicked, but was too scared to move.

Perhaps, Aaron and Derek noticed this. Derek came closer to me.

'Are you okey?' he asked, concern raising his voice.

Normally, I would say "I'm fine". I only would be completely honest, if something really wasn't fine. Just like now.

I shook my head, not able to answer with words. The press, who still surrounded us, didn't seem to notice at all. Or they don't care, who knows? Derek saw what was happening, and hold me close.

'You're going to be okey. Just stay close by me.' he spoke, calmly, as he held me close, while we tried to make our way through.

I clung to his arm, not daring to loose him. We made our way through the press, as we finally made it inside.

It was like I came back from trance, as it finally came through where I was. Here were less people. Some people of the team were here, some cops, it was much better now. But, that didn't changed the fact, that I still was nervous, and a little in panic.

'Are you alright?' Derek asked, as I slowly let go of his arm.

'Y-yeah, t-thank you.' I spoke, as the panic still grew.

'Excuse me.' I needed to get away from here, I needed to calm down. With quick pace, I walked to the conference room, knowing there was no one.

_________________________

Spencer's POV:

I just came back from the break room, as I saw (Y/N), walking away in quick pace. I immediately saw something was wrong.

'What happened?' I asked Morgan, as I began to worry.

'We just came back from the crime scene. The press was outside, surrounded us, and (Y/N) got overwhelmed and slammed shut.' he explained, as I began to understand the problem.

I walked quickly to the conference room, sawing she went to there.

'(Y/N)?'

And, that's when I saw her. She hold on to the table, her breathing uneven. She was clearly in panic. I gently placed a hand on her shoulder, in an attempt to comfort her.

'Everything is going to be fine, (Y/N). The press is gone, it's only the two of us.'

'I need you to breathe with me. Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale.' she followed my breathing, as she eventually calmed down.

She wrapped me into a sweet hug, while I softly rubbed her back.

'Everything is okey, love. You did so amazing, I'm so proud of you!'

'Thank you, Spence. I needed that. It's just-'

She stopped for a moment, struggling with her words.

'It came, because I have Autism.' she confessed, as I smiled softly, happy she finally admitted it.

'I know.'

'You know?' she asked, confused, as she pulled away a little, to face me.

'I know, because I myself have Autism Spectrum Disorder.'

'That explains, why you're the only one who really gets me. You really helped me through it.' a small smile, appeared on her lips.

'I'm glad, I could help.'

After a few more seconds, we decided we should go back to the rest of the team. Finding the unsub.

'Are you sure, you're okey?' I double checked, and she nodded.

As we came in sight of the others, they all looked concerned at her.

'Is everything okey?' I heard Morgan ask.

'I am now. Thank you, Derek. You really helped me a lot with the press.' (Y/N) said, smiling a little.

'No problem, pretty girl.'