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byorder-fanfic · 4 years

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Finn’s Lost Loves

Summary: Finn’s lost more than anyone else knew because of the war, and every stupid thing his family have done afterwards to keep themselves in charge.

Word count: 2019

Warnings: Mentions war and blood, talks about eating disorder, self harm and self-esteem, and homophobia (only a little bit, period accurate), a lot of toxic masculinity

Author’s note: This is a lot of angst with little bits of fluff and a sad ending. Sorry. It’s basically an overview of Finn’s character, backstory and his relationships with the family that we’ve never gotten to see! It’s based off a piece of prose in my drafts, so if you guys like this, I might post that as well. Hope you enjoy, and please comment, I love hearing your opinions and any constructive criticism you might have xx

Finn loved books. Once upon a time, he really did. He loved the way Tommy did the voices, and Arthur made those wild motions with his hands, and John could always make him laugh as he told him about that thing that happened in the pub last week. He loved how Ada and Polly would tuck him up in bed, place a kiss on his temple and read the letters from the boys. Then they came back, and he didn’t need to read letters. Or books. Or anything really. Soon, he didn’t even go to school. He just wanted to be with his brothers. Now they tell him to piss off more than they beg him to stay. Tommy and Polly scold him for not being able to read off the betting boards, and John makes everyone else laugh when he holds a big volume under Finn’s nose, so that everyone knew that Finn was still illiterate. Finn hates books.

Finn loved Church. He didn’t need Polly to drag him by the heels as he sobbed under the Virgin Mary’s stare like his brothers when he hopped, skipped and a jumped all his way down the road. He always sat by Isaiah, the two boys out-screaming each other in the hymns and seeing who Polly would scold first. He wore the crucifix everyday, and treated his rosary with all the sacred carefulness a six year old could manage. He loved the psalms and Jeremiah’s voice ringing through the streets and the way everyone was always together (even Charlie) on Sunday. Then he had to light candles, praying for his brothers’ safety that was only answered with their damnation as they dragged back blood and French mud into Watery Lane. Now he cries through the paper thin pages of a Bible and his only prayers are that the boys never see his tears. What did he have to cry about after all? He was never a soldier, but he should learn to be a man. Finn hates Church.

Finn loved healing. Ada dragged him along to her nursing classes and soon his only reason to come to Church was to learn how to tie bandages and fix up cuts and bruises. No one noticed his long absences- they either assumed he went to school still, or they were far too busy with the race tracks to care for the whereabouts of their youngest brother. But then he'd slipped up, and he'd never seen his brothers laugh so hard when he proudly told Polly he was going to be a nurse one day. Even his aunt and sister, usually the ones on his side, had to purse their lips together as Arthur roared out: "Hear that, Tom? We got ourselves a Nurse Shelby here! Want a dress and hat to go with it?" He told them all to fuck off and stamped out, but he didn't understand what he said that was so funny. When he asked Isaiah, who had just turned fourteen and starting to see Finn less and less, he just said that being a nurse was a woman's job. He didn't like being laughed at for being a girl, but he didn't know why. He still hoarded textbooks about anatomy and the like under his bed, tracing over the detailed pictures with his skeleton finger as he wished. And wished. And wished. And almost prayed that he could read the little ink words. When he found Arthur with another red line on his neck, he offered him some medicine to cure his big brother's blues, thinking just a bit of Tokyo would keep his brother here with him. No one asked why Finn was sad. Oh well, at least he could protect his brothers now. Finn hates healing. Finn loved food. Always the big eater in the Shelby household, he managed to always have a full stomach despite the poverty that reigned. He was a stickler for sweets, though, and as soon as he mastered the art of sneaking rings and wallets from unsuspecting strangers, he soon graduated to thieving lollipops and boiled sweets and even some toffees that he proudly deposited into his aunt's hand with a toothy grin. But the boys would look into his empty plate and his skinny frame and tell him he'd better watch out, soon he might actually have a shape under those bulky clothes. They always laughed, and he felt himself completely embarrassed at the dinner table. He dumped more sugar than milk into his tea and stole chips when they went to the seaside. He'd always offer to share, wanting to provide for them for once, but they'd tell him he was the one who needed it. He sees his ribs and the little vertebrae of his spine and wonders why can't he just be strong like his brothers. Even though he despises it, he picks up boxing to fill out his form. Maybe training with Isaiah was an extra benefit, but the older boy had long since talked to Finn on the regular, and made a point to laugh at him when he fell onto the floor. So, Finn graduated from second helpings of lunch and too-sweet tea to the sour delights of whiskey and cigarettes. Just like his brothers. Finn hates food. Finn loves his family. He loves Polly, the mother he never had, and will never feel like he does enough to repay her for his entire childhood. Then Michael came back, and soon there wasn't any chore lists on the downstairs table for someone to read out for him, or little check ups throughout the day as she makes sure he's okay. That was when he realised exactly why Polly raised him in her empty arms. He loves Arthur: his eldest brother, who used to lift him up on his shoulders and teach him to draw. Finn still has faded old pictures of galloping stallions (signed in block letters: A.W.S) slipped between the filled out pages of the sketchbooks he hides in his wardrobe. Then Arthur came back, with what everyone calls Flanders Blues, but no one explains, and Finn feels like he's losing his brother everyday when he comes back smelling like a brewery with blood on his fists. Finn loves Tommy. A father figure to him, the kind of man he wants to be when he grows up. But then Greta died and Tommy went to war, and the man who took him horse riding every weekend was gone, and this Tommy was colder. Finn loves John as the best friend he's ever had, always laughing together, giving sometimes useful advice and finding days to just spend time with each other. Despite John's bazillion kids, widowerhood, and then his new wife, he's always had time to spare for his little brother. John was the one who told him what bisexual was when he found Finn sobbing in his room, he was the one that took him to the doctor when he passed out from malnutrition, and he's the one that made him swear to never use razor blades on himself again. Finn loves Ada. He sees why Freddie calls her an angel, and used to love it when she pretended to take Finn to the library when in fact they were both slipping away to a Communist meeting, which would usually end up in Ada and Freddie slipping away and leaving Finn in the trusted supervision of leftist radicals that he happily chatted away to. Ada always took care of him, making sure he was never involved in the business (on either side) and telling him that being a soldier is a life sentence, not an honour. He lives because Ada keeps him safe and sane. Then Ada leaves. Finn hates the Shelby name that everyone screams at him like a condemnation, that invites slurs and hatred that only he gets because he doesn't look like a proper Shelby man. Finn hates his family. Finn loved Isaiah. A childhood crush that brought butterflies to his stomach and blushes to his freckled face. He sketched the boy's face so many times, he knew it by memory. They held hands when they were chased down the streets, laughing and sprinting as their spoils stayed securely in their pockets. But Isaiah was older than him. Soon after adolescence hit the Jesus boy and Peaky Blinders offered him a role, without the constant of Church, the two greatest of friends became almost strangers to one another. But Finn still loved him. He never told anyone, of course. He knew he wasn't a real homosexual, because he most certainly did enjoy holding hands and kissing the cheeks of girls his age (poor boy was flustered to ever do more!) but his heart still belonged to the preacher's boy. With more faithful women in the family than ever before, Finn knew he would be crucified if he ever told anyone. John was the only one who knew, and that was based on the fact he paid more attention to his brother than anyone else combined. He said he should just go for it, but Finn knew Isaiah couldn't be like him. And even if Jeremiah was always the kindest man that Finn ever met, he still didn't trust that the cross on his neck wouldn't shame him or laugh at him for the fact he was completely enamoured with his son. Then Finn got drunk, and when he woke up, his entire family knew exactly how he felt and Isaiah wouldn't look at him in the eye. He ran away to the stables, crying on Uncle Charlie's shoulder who told it would be alright. He made sure to keep an eye on Finn ever since, keeping an eye on his wrists and fists. The incident was soon forgot by everyone but him. Finn couldn't find it in him to hate Isaiah, but he knew he didn't love him any more. Finn has never loved Michael. He thought he could, at first, when he saw the tweed suit and a face more innocent than his. But then Tommy promoted him almost on the spot, and Finn had never at once felt so much rage bubble inside him. Everything he has done for his brothers, every passion he sacrificed, every humiliation he shouldered, just so they could see him as an equal. But no, there are only three Shelby brothers as far as anyone else is concerned, and Finn carries on as errand boy. He ignores all Ada's good advice, and swear that he will make his brothers proud of him one day. So, he puts on the thorn crown of a Peaky cap and wears the waistcoat and wool coat of his brother's likeness, and parades about Small Heath like he actually was apart of the makeshift royal family. Then Finn found Michael and Isaiah kissing in the alleyway. Even though Finn had made a point to announce that his brothers had started giving him more work, Isaiah still fucked off to the pub with Michael every night, devoting his time and attention to only him, and Finn couldn't understand why. Now he did. If Finn had been violent like Arthur, he certainly wouldn't have thought twice about taking the cup on his curls and cutting the smirk off of his cousin. He had stolen his brothers' respect, his surrogate mother's attention, his place in the business, the affections of the one boy Finn had ever loved. He had stolen Finn's everything, and Finn hated him. They both froze and stuttered. Excuses about just being friends, just experimenting, but he saw the way they held each others shaking hands just as he and Isaiah used to hold onto each other as they raced through the streets. "I'm glad you're together." He shocked them both with a forced smile. "You both deserve to be happy." The two were kinder to him after that, almost back to the old friendship he had missed, and Finn knew he didn't hate Michael. Or Isaiah. Or any of his family, really. No, Finn hated himself.

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eyreguide · 4 years

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A recap of the Brontë2020 Virtual Conference

On Friday the very first virtual Brontë conference was held and included a program of various talks and presentations by people knowledgeable on many different aspects of the Brontës. And reader, I had a wonderful time.

This post is just a brief overview of the event, with some commentary on the different topics and comments that were discussed and that I found interesting. This conference was held as a way to help support the amazing Brontë Parsonage in Haworth as they are going through a difficult time with the impact of Covid-19. If you are able, please donate whatever you can to the Parsonage by visiting this site. Help them reach their goal!

I live in the United States so I wasn’t able to attend all the panels - I decided to make my first one the discussion with Sandy Welch (screenwriter of the 2006 Jane Eyre adaptation) which was 5 am my time! I was so excited to hear what Sandy had to say about writing Jane Eyre that I was wide awake by the time her panel started.

Special Guest: Sandy Welch

First off, I didn’t realize Welch had also written the screenplay for North and South (one of my absolute favorite period dramas!) so I was pretty much in awe of her talent, even though the 2006 Jane Eyre isn’t exactly my favorite. If you read through my reviews of all the adaptations here. I have a few issues with the scenes after the failed wedding where Jane and Rochester are on her bed. And also I felt like the dialogue and added scenes did not always feel true to the novel. But Welch talked about her approach to adapting Jane Eyre and I agreed with all of her comments. Jane is a modern woman in that she is making her own way in the world, and that her thoughts and prose in the book are direct and clear to the reader. And Welch was glad to give more time to the conversations between Jane and Rochester so that the humor and intelligence that connects them shines through. The emotions were allowed to develop and we can see how Rochester changes with Jane.

There was some discussion about the character of Rochester and how the audience needs to see that they deserve each other and are equals. So you see more of Rochester’s vulnerabilities and emotions in this adaptation. It’s important to remember too that Charlotte made Bertha irredeemable so that Rochester could not make his situation better, but he tried his best to take care of her.

A question from the audience did bring up that scene where Jane must say goodbye to Rochester and they end up on her bed - I was very keen to know what Welch would say. She acknowledged that it was a bold choice, but there is that sensuality in the book, and Rochester wants to “impress” himself on Jane, and throughout the novel, Jane is very passionate. It seemed natural to Welch to have that shown on screen. It’s a bit of artistic license that still doesn’t sit easily with me, but I am glad to know the thought process was grounded in trying to take a realistic approach to how that scene would develop.

Another question also asked about the addition of the twins and the doubles theme in the adaptation. Welch included that to give Jane an opportunity to participate in the conversation around her since she is intelligent and able to hold her own. And to show that not all of the people in Rochester’s party are horrible. It also gives a little foreshadowing to the call across the moors between Jane and Rochester near the end.

The last topic I want to mention is when someone asked what the difference was between approaching Margaret Hale’s character (from North and South) and Jane Eyre. Welch worked to make Margaret more sympathetic and Thornton a little less so, so that they were equals in the story - much like Jane and Rochester already are.

A Day in the Life of the Parsonage

I was very excited about this next panel, where Ann Dindsdale, the collections manager of the Parsonage, and Rebecca Yorke, the communications manager, talk about what it is like to manage the Parsonage day to day. It made me long to be able to work there myself! Just think how lovely it would be to be up early in the morning at the house, preparing for the visitors that day.

On my last visit to the Parsonage, I was able to take the VIP tour (which I talked about here) and I have to say seeing a glimpse of the place behind the scenes and led by a knowledgeable docent was amazing. They do wonderful work there!

The two talked about the work that goes into maintaining the house - especially during the month-long closure in January where they clean every book and check every piece of furniture! When asked how they decide what to display, Ann said she puts out “what she likes” (lucky!) but it was also good to rotate everything regularly.

The Parsonage feels it is important for guests to “engage with the Parsonage” - a wonderful way to describe how the guests are made to feel when they visit - as a part of the experience. And with social distancing right now due to the pandemic, visiting the Parsonage couldn’t be a more personal and intimate experience. I so wish I could make the trip across the pond right now and visit!

Author Roundtable: The Brontës, the 21st Century and Us

This was a fascinating panel with talented authors. I’ve read some of their books so I’ll link to my review of their work when possible. The panel was moderated by Rowan Coleman (The Vanished Bride) and included Finola Austin (Brontës’ Mistress), Syrie James (The Secret Diaries of Charlotte Brontë), Sarah Shoemaker (Mr. Rochester), Julie Cohen (Spirited), Lucy Powrie (The Paper Hearts Society) and Nikita Gil (a well-known poet, although unfortunately I am unfamiliar with her work.

The conversation was dense and thought-provoking. The authors touched on many topics and ideas beginning with how each author felt about the Brontës’ work. Their books are about identity and who we are as people - we can live by their ideals, said Lucy. Sarah said that women are still not equal to men in how they are treated today and she loves how Jane does not hesitate to tell Rochester that she does not think him handsome - it’s an unconventional answer, the unexpected one, and it shows how they are opening up to each other and on their way to being equals. Syrie is fascinated by the almost mythical story they lived in their little place in the world. And how you can feel their rage against patriarchal societies in their work. Nikita pointed out that patriarchy erases the role of women, but the Brontës have endured in spite of that.

In their approach to writing stories that revolve around the Brontës and their work, they try to be as reverential as possible and stick to the facts because so much of their lives are known, and their stories can be very autobiographical.

Julie talked about how we read the Brontës to find out about ourselves. With Villette especially there is a sense with Lucy Snowe that she is hiding a part of herself from the reader and people can relate to that.

The talk ended with thoughts on publishing bias - how women may not need to publish under pseudonyms today, but there is still a bias against what a woman writes and against race, sexuality, and many other things. We as readers need to show that we are interested in reading about a variety of lives and experiences.

In Conversation with Adam Nagaitis

Adam Nagaitis played Branwell Brontë in the film To Walk Invisible and talked with the organizers about his role. They opened by asking him trivia questions about Branwell to see how much he remembered from his research. Adam mentioned that he is still in touch with the actresses who played his sisters which I think is wonderful. They seem to all have gotten along very well.

Adam read all the classic works on Branwell to prepare, but he also dived into documentaries on alcoholism and it’s gruesome realities to understand Branwell better. Branwell wasn’t mature enough to deal with the vicissitudes in his life - with his relationship with Lydia he was excessive and consumed. He thought that turned her off from him, and that started a cycle where he blamed himself for the failed relationship and his failures in his art.

Because he was always surrounded by the people who knew him best, he was always reminded of his failure. Adam’s approach was very sympathetic to Branwell and tried to understand him mentally. Adam also talked about how he felt Branwell was never free as an artist. He always needed to work for the family or money but he could have been a brilliant newspaper satirist - something that might have been more along with his interests since he made wonderful biting cartoons.

In Conversation with Sally Wainwright

The last panel of the conference was a talk with Sally Wainwright - the writer and director of the superb Brontë biopic To Walk Invisible. Sally was approached to write this back in 2010 but she didn’t have time until 2016 which coincided with Charlotte’s bicentenary. It was a tough shoot for her as she felt she didn’t get all the shots she wanted, but the set was fantastic. They recreated the Parsonage as accurately as they could, resulting in a place that is bleaker and more isolated than the actual Parsonage today.

Sally also mentioned something that I found interesting - that she felt like the “Victorian” speak that people use today in period dramas probably didn’t really exist. We have constructed people in our period drama adaptations to speak in a particular way. And that the inclusion of curse words in her program showed that the characters were very like us - of course Branwell would curse and say the F-word.

Her approach to adapting the story was always to show it as realistically as possible and she wanted to show how the family was an interdependent team. For people who felt that Branwell was featured too much in the story - it’s important to remember that he was the leader of their gang as children and that when they were older, living with an addict affected their work as can be seen in The Tenant of Wildfell Hall and Wuthering Heights.

And speaking of Tenant of Wildfell Hall, apparently, Sally is working on a screenplay for the story, although it is on the backburner at the moment. She is having a hard time empathizing with Helen - especially because it is difficult today to empathize with a character who behaves in a certain way solely because of their religious beliefs. I do hope we get to see her adaptation of Anne’s work someday soon though!

#Brontes #Jane Eyre 2006 #Sandy Welch #Sally Wainwright #Adam Nagaitis #Jane Eyre #Wuthering Heights #Tenant of Wildfell Hall #To Walk Invisible

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scandalsavagefanfic · 4 years

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Scandal! For the 40 questions meme: 7, 20, and 23 if you please 😘😘😘

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

This was very hard. All my favorite writing is the angstiest stuff I’ve done so I just went and reread a bunch of stuff that made me cry 😂

And then it was still hard to narrow down because I different things for different reasons. Therapy, Requiem, and Matter of Life and Death are probably my actual best pieces of writing.

But I’m going to mention the opening of Batman Doesn’t Smile. Featuring an extremely rare pair of two smaller characters (Duke Thomas and Luke Fox) and with a whopping 300-something hits, don’t feel bad if you haven’t heard of it (the general you, not you specifically, stevie 😉).

It’s a fun PWP idea and not really my best writing but I’m proud of the opening because I was so anxious about it that I was physically sick and almost took it out, just to be safe.

I read this excerpt easily 30 times before I posted the fic. I read it so many times that the words stopped making sense.

Because the premise is that Duke has recently taken over as Batman. And Batman’s cowl shows half his face. And I couldn’t find any way around the fact that Gotham’s criminals (and even really anyone in Gotham used to seeing Bruce) wouldn’t make comments on how Duke “wasn’t the real Batman” because of the very obvious difference in skin tone.

And just to be clear, this is just Duke teasing a criminal for commenting, for saying he obviously wasn’t the real Batman. We’re not talking about groundbreaking, earth-shattering, or edgy insights here.

But here I am, super duper white, writing about Duke and Luke (god it’s so unfortunate that their names rhyme) and specifically calling attention to their skin color, desperately trying to make sure I’m not accidentally insensitive or rude or anything.

So, I almost deleted it, just to be safe, just because it was easier. Almost tried to come up with a different beginning so I wouldn’t have to address it at all.

But ultimately that felt... wrong and after reading it a million times I decided that it was more important to keep it. I knew I have a few extremely supportive followers who are POC and would let me know if I stepped out of line. Which... looking back, rereading this now with more experience... it was probably a lot smaller risk than it felt at the time.

Anywho. Now that I’ve over explained...

Batman Doesn’t Smile, excerpt -

“Why would you say I’m not the real Batman? I mean, what gave you that impression? I knocked your buddies out in under twenty seconds, in the dark, with batarangs and fists. That’s pretty Batman-y.”

Three of the would-be kidnappers lie strewn across the expansive office while the two still standing, freshly disarmed and no longer a threat, exchange sheepish glances and stumble over a weak explanation of “you’re too chatty” muttered under their breath.

Luke snickers louder from behind his big, modern glass desk. He hadn’t even bothered to move, didn’t even pretend to be a frightened CEO and fake-cower in the corner. He just sat back in the ergonomically perfect chair he had designed and watched the show.

Even when the lights conveniently went out, Duke is pretty sure Luke managed to see everything.

“Are you sure?” Duke asks with obviously false sincerity, “I didn’t say anything until the end when I told you to drop your weapons. I’ve got the symbol, the tech, the moves. Maybe my cowl is the wrong shape?”

He can’t help the amused smile that tugs up on his lips as the crooks turn red when he purposefully draws their attention to the only spot where his skin is exposed, and their gazes quickly drop to the floor. Since officially accepting the mantle Batman from Bruce a few months ago, he’s had a lot of fun at the expense of Gotham’s criminal element when they can’t resist commenting.

“Just cuff us, man,” one of them finally huffs.

There’s a snort of laughter from the other side of the office while Duke takes out the handcuffs and starts restraining the kidnappers, the buzz on his belt letting him know the police are on their way up.

“I’m just screwing with you guys,” he says playfully, “I know it’s because of my dazzling smile.”

This time it’s one of the crooks who gives an amused snort just as the police make their entrance.

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions.

A comfy seat, a laptop (I’ve been less productive since I replaced my laptop with a tablet and have to choose between that and my desk), music for background noise, someone has locked me out of all social media, including Discord, and they’ve graciously cleaned my house so I don’t have to. Plenty of snacks, mostly like fruit and crackers but some chocolate as well. And a thermos of coffee that refills itself.

But seriously, my house when it’s clean and I have a laptop so I can sit on the couch with my dogs is the perfect place to write when I can just get myself to zone in and not let things distract me.

23. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

Ummmmmmmmmmmm..... Maybe Finders Keepers? Because I really like the idea and, even though I just reread it a couple days ago and it wasn’t as bad as I remembered, I still think it could use some work.

Not a revision, because I love Therapy the way it is, but I am planning on rewriting it for a Gen audience. Just because I feel like there are a lot of valid points in the fic that are inaccessible to people who don’t want to read BruJay.

#40 questions #ask meme #stevie #Batman Doesn't Smile #stevieraebarnes

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imacrowcawcaw · 4 years

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1, 4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 13, 15, 17, 20, 23, 29, 38 😘❤️ Hope you’re having a wonderful day!

Hi mimi thank you so much for all the questions!!! This is gonna be really long lol - also, sorry it took a while, Tumblr kept glitching and erasing EVERYTHING

1. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them? Oh my god SO MANY! I have roughly 50 works in progress, and so many more ideas running through my head - I just haven't had the energy or the time lately to actually work on them. One that keeps coming back to me is Sam and Danny chilling in bed on a lazy Saturday, after a sleepover, and Sam announces that if they had sex, it would be the best either of them ever experienced. They debate for a while, and of course end up getting it on... it'll happen someday.

4. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic. There's a lot of fluff and heartfeltwords; I try to keep it lighthearted too, though, and throw in what I hope is some funny stuff; smut of course, or at least some kissing; metaphors and figurative language galore. I feel like I'm still very much trying to find my voice and my style, so I think my fics differ a lot in their styles, but there are things that I generally like.

5. Share one of your strengths. Hmm, I was going to say that I know how grammar works (that feels rude but- ) actually I'm going to say that I always turn out things that I really enjoy. That may be more of a personal strength - i.e. it only matter to me - but if I post something I am satisfied (enough) with it. I like my work! I write what I want, even with requests, and I put my all into my writing because I want it to be such good quality that it would make me squeal if I came across it.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

"Dude, that's disgusting."

Danny just smiled at Josh, showing off a rather gross mouthful of mangled food, and kept eating his pineapple pizza.

"Seriously, pineapple doesn't belong on pizza. Can't you just eat regular toppings like the rest of us?"

Danny shook his head and swallowed. "Nuh-uh, I can't. I'm not like the rest of you."

"Hmm, you know, you're right: you're not like the rest of us. It's way hotter in the Wagner corner." Josh looked at him coyly, licking BBQ sauce from his chicken wings off of his fingertips.

Danny froze and Josh laughed, using a napkin to scrub away the rest of the sauce and continuing to messily eat his 'regular' pizza. Danny shook his head, closing the lid of his box to save the rest for later.

Idk if anyone other than @satans-helper would be interested in Josh and Danny (like, together, or at least flirting) but.... I thought this was good. It was fun to write - still not anywhere near done, though - and I think it captures them pretty well. I think dialogue is good when the characters speak for themselves, literally, without having to rely completely on prose to give it meaning.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

"The bass pumped through Sam in the same rhythm as his cannabis-speckled blood, sludgey warmth crawling in his veins as he took a second hit of the blunt being passed around. Hidden away from the eyes of management constantly trying to tighten the reins, as if they weren't rock stars in - or perhaps even before - their prime, he let the dark corner he and a few new acquaintances occupied be his cover from an eventual scolding."

Let this be a little teaser for the Collab Zara and I are doing (!!!) lol. I think it's some of my best writing; lyrical but not too long as I'm learning how to do it right, offering information with every little part, setting the scene in a concise but not info-dump way, some bit of irony and humor.

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write? Ohhh man, well there have definitely been MANY that I've gotten stuck on for months, if not over a year -- but, the finished fic that was hardest was probably "Forever", to be totally honest. I think it turned t out very well, but I revised over and over and over, and scrapped a very large portion of it. I know what I wanted, but it wasn't coming for a very long time.

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write? "Blood Brothers". It just flowed so well, I sat and types furiously in my phone for a good 3 hours without stopping, and it was born.

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across? There's quite a few pieces that I always think of: write what you want to read, adjectives and adverbs slow the pace (learned this recently and it's very handy), sometimes straight-forward is best, don't be afraid to scrap things and start over.

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose? Oh man, that's a hard choice. I think that "Eyes of Juniper" (metallica fic, not finished 😔) would actually be the best choice, because it's funny, I would love to see the guys in the 80s, and, while it deals with bodies/nudity/sexuality it wouldn't be a straight up porn film lol.

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order? A mix of both, I think it just depends on how my ideas are flowing. If I'm really on a roll and know I won't be interrupted, then I'll just write it chronologically. But, if I have a small idea, or I know how I want to end but dont know how to begin, then I'll just start writing something. I'm always afraid I'll forget what I want if I don't write it down, so I work on what I'm able to and fill in the rest later.

20. Describe your perfect writing conditions. Well, I usually end up doing the most of my writing hunched over sitting on me bed in the dark and furiously typing on my phone lmao. I would love to get a laptop and a dedicated space, but it's just not gonna happen rn. So, I'll go with dark, undisturbed, comfortable

23. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why? there are quite a few that I can look back at and be like noooo what was I doing. I think, though, one that could be really really amazing if revised would be "Black Dog", a guns n roses fic I wrote. It was good, but one of my firsts. My style has improved, and I think I could just make it a lot better, and the dialogue at the end could be a lot more clear and realistic sounding

29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose? Oh mannnn there are so many fics that have made me want to somehow write/find more, I'll go with "Angel of Apple Valley" (pairing: Duzzy fandom: gnr, on rockfic, I cant find it rn though sorry). It was so amazing and I still think about it. I don't think I could do anywhere near justice to the original, so of course I wouldnt actually, but I just really want more

38. Talk about a review that made your day. Ohhh ok pretty much every review makes me suoer hapoy, but the lovely helena_s_renn left me a comment on Ch. 4 of "Skin on Skin, Hearts Laid Bare" and it nearly made me cry

"Girl, I think you've discovered your voice. This has an intensity beyond any of your other work that I've read thus far (not saying the previous isn't good - it is!!). I was glued to my phone by the eyes, didn't want it to end, and yet it did in what seemed like 5 seconds. Danny's acceptance of Sam's physical needs without asking anything more of him than "just sleep with me" is love. On that subject, I think you've thrown more words at the wellspring of Sanny Love from Sam's perspective than one would have thought possible, and they all ring true."

Like, holy shit thanks?!?! Lol. But really, I've been seriously trying to find my style, and to hear this from one of the writers I respect the most was huge. I felt like a favorite teacher was giving me a hug and telling me i did good!!!

#mimi🌼#asks #asks answered #im sorry this qas really long

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hardnoctlife · 4 years

Text

Author Asks

Decided to go ahead and answer these for anyone who might be interested.

1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical “you” fic.

Domestic fluff, modern or school AU, with a sprinkling of angst. I’m really trying to work outside of my comfort zone, but I don’t really like too many crazy AUs.

2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

I really want to do enemies-to-lovers, but it’s so hard to pull off convincingly and I’m afraid I’m going to mess it up.

3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole?

MPREG…just…no. Also, most dub-con.

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

I’m currently working on a rewrite of one of my first fics “The Insomnian Academy for the Elite.” It’s called “Stand by You” in the new version! That’s it right now other than brainstorming for the Promptis Big Bang and trying to finish WDES Verse 2.

5. Share one of your strengths.

In writing? I think I do fun and convincing dialogue.

6. Share one of your weaknesses.

I’d say I spend more time writing dialogue than descriptions. I also sometimes have issues with pacing.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Chapter 10 of “Write Drunk, Email Sober.” I feel like I nailed everything about that chapter, from the emotion, to the dialogue...it’s my favorite thing I’ve written.

In that moment, something clicks into place for Prompto, like being shifted from the shallow to the deep end of a pool. He realizes there is much more to Ignis Scientia than just his ease on the eyes, and Prompto knows that he wants to dive even further into his depths.

Prompto’s smile comes naturally, full and delighted. Ignis mirrors it with his own.

“Boyfriend to Professor Scientia has a nice ring to it,” Prompto agrees. Ignis touches their noses, rubbing them together briefly before bestowing a kiss on the blond’s lips. They sink back into the bed and downwards, and Prompto is amazed to discover you can be lost and simultaneously found.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Most of “Rain or Shine and Everything In-Between,” because I felt like the dialogue was natural and fun, but also very true to life. My favorite scene is what I think is the most hard hitting of the entire fic:

“Tell me what’s the matter,” Ignis said as soon as the man had left the room, and Noctis made a show of studying the tips of his naga-skin boots, putting more weight on his good ankle. “Noctis?”

“I can’t do this, Ignis.”

“It’s only a tie, Noct—”

“No, this.” Noctis waved his hands at the whole room, and although it wouldn’t have been clear to anyone else, Ignis knew what he meant.

The prince’s advisor felt his heart skip a beat as he studied Noctis in the mirror, their eyes finally meeting as the prince’s chin jutted forward, stubborn, yet beautiful.

“What are you saying?” Ignis asked, pragmatic and cautious.

“I can’t do this, Iggy!” Noctis’s voice rose, skipping off the marble floors. “I won’t! I’m going to tell my father everything. I’m fucking gay for Bahamut’s sake, how I am supposed to make an heir, let alone have sex with my wife—”

“Shh,” Ignis implored, coming forward to squeeze Noctis’s shoulders in warning. “Shh,” he said a little more quietly, bringing his head to rest against Noctis’s cheek.

“I can’t—I can’t. Please, don’t make me do this!” Noctis’s heart was breaking, and Ignis’s was breaking along with it, and all this was so much more than choosing a stupid tie.

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

I’d say, “Daemons that Live in the Dark.” It was the heaviest content-wise. I had to take a lot of breaks to mentally and emotionally recharge between chapters, and the ending gave me the most trouble.

10. Which fic has bee the easiest to write?

“Write Drunk, Email Sober.” It was so fun to write, and I didn’t stop writing it from start to finish. It felt easy!

11. Is writing your passion or just a fun hobby?

I’d say a bit of both. I wanted to be a writer since I was in middle school, and even aspired to be an author at one point. I didn’t rediscover it until last year when surgery made me unable to be active and I needed something to do to manage my mental health.

12. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

When you get stuck, don’t be afraid to skip ahead and write scenes out of order. For me, this is especially helpful because I get certain scenes in my head that I want to jot down, but sometimes have trouble leading up to them.

13. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

Not advice, exactly, but the idea that more kudos/hits/comments on a certain fic on AO3 = good/better. There have been popular fics that I have hated, and other ones with fewer kudos, etc. that I have absolutely loved. Everything is going to hit different from person to person, so you need to be true to you and what you like and not compare yourself to everyone else.

14. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

“Write Drunk, Email Sober” for sure. It would be hilarious to watch.

15. If you only could write on pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?

Does OT4 count as a pairing? Because I vote that.

16. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

Typically from start to finish unless I’m have a particular scene in mind that I need to get out, or if I’m having trouble writing a scene I might skip ahead and go back later.

17. Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines?

No…I probably should. I use prompts a lot though, and music for inspiration.

18. Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in a basement. Do you have a muse?

Yes—my wife.

19. Describe your perfect writing conditions.

Rainy day in a coffee shop, big latte, and spotify playlist on in the background.

20. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting.

I read through it once myself, let my wife read it and make edits, and then read it again. After posting I’ll read it a third time and usually still catch any errors I missed.

21. Choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it into your current writing style.

I’m currently doing this with my fic, “Stand by You.”

22. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

“Stand by You” and “Dawn of the Godslinger,” mostly because I loved the concepts, but I feel like my writing has improved dramatically since I first wrote them and they’re in desperate need of updating.

23. Have you ever deleted on of your published fics?

Yes, a few of my earlier ones. The writing and characterization was cringey.

24. What do you look for in a beta?

My wife has an MFA and is an editor so I’m lucky to have her as my beta.

25. Do you beta yourself? If so, what kind of beta are you?

Yes! You have to edit your own work…I look for typos/grammar errors and characterization mostly.

26. How do you feel about collaborations?

With the right people they are a ton of fun! But if you have a bad partner they can be miserable. Overall, I really enjoy them.

27. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

Crazyloststar – mostly because she and I have very similar writing styles and she has GREAT characterization and very fun ideas. Definitely look up to her!

Carolyncaves – because they wrote one of my favorite fanfics ever, “Something Just Like This,” which is a great example of an ace person in a relationship and makes me think of my wife.

HigharollaKockamamie – because they wrote one of my other favorite fanfics, “The Temptation of Saint Anthony, but with This Guy,” which is the only fic that has ever made me like Ardyn.

28. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

Oh man...probably something by @crazyloststar

29. Do you accept prompts?

Yes! I love them 😊

30. Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

I like to keep character’s personalities as canon as possible, but other than that it’s fair game. My number one pet peeve when reading fanfic is when authors don’t get the characterization right.

31. How do you feel about smut?

I enjoy it if I’m in the mood to read it, but I’m not a huge fan of writing it. I’d rather focus on the emotions behind character relationships rather than the physical aspects.

32. How do you feel about crack?

I’m not a huge fan of crack fics, reading or writing them.

33. What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?

IF and only if it is woven into a story artfully, I can tolerate it. I do not like fics that focus specifically on non-con or dub-con as being sexy or attractive, and I refuse to write those kinds of fics. With that said, one of my fics does revolve around the idea that the antagonist rapes the main character, but it is not glorified in any way.

34. Would you ever kill off a canon character?

If it furthered the plot and I was going for angst, sure.

35. Which is your favorite site to post fic?

Ao3

36. Talk about your current wips.

Currently I’m working on “Stand by You,” my Promptis HS AU rewrite, and gearing up for the Promptis Big Bang. I also still have to finish WDES Verse 2.

37. Talk about a review that made your day.

Pretty much any of the comments on WDES…any comment, really.

38. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

I’ve gotten a handful. I typically delete them and move on. Otherwise, I respond to all comments.

#author asks #writing asks #asks and answers #hardnoctlife #fanfiction

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ibelieveinahappilyeverafter · 5 years

Text

Writing Commission - Human - Danny Phantom

Author’s Comment: Back again with some Danny Phantom this time! Another commission done and finished with this one being from my lovely girlfriend who I despise with everything in my heart! The reason for my hatred is because she bought a commission off of me that boiled down to, ‘Iambic Prose with NO dialogue.’ She commissioned 5,000 words of a story with no dialogue.

...

If you want me to despise you as well then consider commissioning me for more stories like this one if you enjoyed it! You can click anywhere in the Author’s Comment or simply check out my blog with all my commission info: https://ibelieveinahappilyeverafter.tumblr.com/commissions

With all of that out of the way, on with the show!

Summary: Danny Fenton had dealt with a lot of ghosts in his time as Phantom, but none of them had ever quite been so human as the Ghostwriter; none of them had ever been as annoying, either.

Fandom: Danny Phantom

Relationship: Danny Fenton | Danny Phantom/Ghostwriter | Andrew Riter

Characters: Danny Fenton | Danny Phantom, Ghostwriter | Andrew Riter

Rating: Teen Audiences

Additional Tags: Pre-Relationship, Canon Compliant, Post The Fright Before Christmas

Word Count: 5,037

Transaction Amount: $30 (USD)

Human

🕮

This was not how Danny had planned on spending the last day of his winter break; his homework-free winter break that was now, due in large part to actual pity, also ghost-free. It was a ghost-free, paper-free, stress-free last day of winter break and Danny had been planning to use it to sleep, play games, sleep, eat, sleep, and sleep in that order. That was how he had planned the day. Sleeping, eating, or even playing video games, however, was not what he was doing.

Instead of his soft, well-worn bed, Danny was uncomfortably slouched over in a wooden chair that looked to have been donated to three different elementary schools before ending up in the ‘bookstore cafe’ that he and his friends were trapped in; or at least, Danny and Tucker were trapped. Sam, the vicious vulture with perfect winged eyeliner that she was, looked to honestly be enjoying the cringe-filled ‘poetry’ that other goth teenagers were reading up on the small stage.

The words were as out-of-focus as his gaze and Danny’s thoughts had turned towards wondering if he could fall asleep sitting up with his eyes open before a wisp of cool air slipped through his parted lips, a sensation like being zapped sparking down his spine until it was perfectly straight, his chair scooting back from the sudden movement.

Opening his mouth to explain, Danny was instead met with a sharp shushing sound, Sam giving him one of her looks that could essentially be translated into a rough: take care of this quietly and quickly because if you ruin this for me then I’ll make sure you’re the next one up on that stage.

Tucker, at least, looked mildly sympathetic as Danny took the soundless warning to heart and slipped out of his seat before silently making his way towards the men’s bathroom to change and find out which ghost wanted to ruin the last of his break.

That had been the plan, at least, until he looked up and caught sight of the ghost himself and saw just which one it was.

Danny could honestly say that he hadn’t expected the Ghostwriter to be the one that had set off his ghost sense, but, well. It made sense. Christmas was over and if it was one thing a ghost loved, it was revenge; especially when it was revenge against Danny Phantom.

The interesting thing, though, the thing that made Danny stop and instead change direction towards the ‘bar’ that only sold overpriced and watered down coffee where it was quiet and dim and easy to hide, was that Ghostwriter wasn’t looking all that, well… ghostly.

Ghostwriter was still wearing that stupid trench coat that was purple along with his depressing grey clothing, but he wasn’t glowing or flying or declaring his revenge in a theatrical tone like Technus or Skulker or even the Box Ghost might. There was no I will destroy you, ghost child! or This time, it’s going to be you who rots behind bars! or even Hey, you fuck!

No, it was just… Ghostwriter. His skin was still a washed out grey sort of color, but without the ghostly glow that lit it all up, he just looked like a tired college student who might have been coming down with the flu and had trudged in out of the cold to look for a book to finish off a last-minute paper. He just looked so human, which, Danny mused, might have been all the more reason to worry. A ghost didn’t go to those lengths to disguise himself unless there was something to hide.

Stepping out of the shadows, and fully prepared to make a scene no matter how much Sam hated him after it was over, Danny watched as Ghostwriter walked around the edges of the tables and chairs that were pointed towards the stage, looked around the building slowly and carefully, and then…

He was reading. The ghost who had almost ruined his life and destroyed his Christmas had walked up to a bookshelf, poked around for a few seconds, and then started to read one of the books like it was something he did all the time.

Danny almost thought that the gods might have finally smiled upon him and blessed him just enough to where he wouldn’t have to deal with a ghost fight on his last day of winter break, but then he remembered just what kind of bookstore he was in.

If Sam had managed to find a book on the Fright Knight in a place like this, he dreaded to think what a ghost who could change reality and knew what he was looking for could find.

Saying a silent goodbye to his peace and quiet, and almost managing to dredge up just a speck of regret for the poetry ‘jam’ that was about to get broken up, Danny took a step forward and immediately froze when he met bright green eyes.

The two were utterly quiet, but Danny fancied that he could hear what would no doubt be a smug I see you, ghost boy.

Danny made sure to give his best glare back, channeling the rage he usually only felt when dealing with Vlad. The rage that screamed, loud and clear, If you even think of hurting anyone here it’ll be the last thing you do.

Instead of showing the appropriate amount of fear and shuffling out of the store in a burst of sensibility, Danny watched as the Ghostwriter laughed, putting the book he had been reading back onto the shelf and then disappearing around the corner to the next one.

Danny wasted no time, half-running over to the shelf and grabbing up the book that the ghost had just been looking at to see what unnatural disaster he was about to deal with next. It was like ice sliding down his spine as he saw that it was just… a book. There was nothing special about it beyond the fact it was a lame book about some old poetry. It was normal with a normal twisted plastic cover and normal bent pages that had been rifled through a time too many. Which meant Ghostwriter was fucking with him.

Rounding the shelf, Danny kept his energy close to the surface, ready to snap into his changed form at a moment’s notice as he watched Ghostwriter set down another book he had picked up, glancing back to Danny. This time the smirk screamed, Nothing you could do would stop me.

It was enough to have Danny clenching his fists hard enough to make his palms bleed, wisps of green energy starting to curl through his fingers as he bared his teeth in a very clear, Try me.

Ghostwriter vanished around another corner and Danny rushed to inspect the book he had been looking through, pissed to see that it was just another lame paperback book about poetry a decade too old that made it obvious that the ghost really was just screwing with him.

And that’s how it kept going. Danny followed Ghostwriter around the store, flipping through the books the ghost had been reading and trying to piece together what he could be up to.

Instead of some grand scheme of revenge, though, Danny was looking through beaten up books of poetry, old nonfiction books about trains and air transportation that weren’t about airplanes, and a bright yellow and white How To book about how to play piano. It was that one that almost had Danny throwing the book at Ghostwriter himself to see if it would start a fight just to get the tension over with.

Danny glared at nothing as he slammed the most recent book back onto one of the countless shelves, not caring if it was the proper spot or not as he turned around to keep following after Ghostwriter before feeling his heart stop at seeing the ghost directly in front of him and a few inches away.

It took an eternity to make sure Danny hadn’t somehow been scared straight into his ghost form before he realized there was a ghost only a few inches away from him. He didn’t even manage to call up his energy, though, before what was clearly a book was tossed at him.

Years of living with Jazz and her psychopathic librarian tendencies had Danny catching the book before any damage could come to it, a quick look up to Ghostwriter showing the ghost was smirking, as if to say, Your move, ghost boy. What now?

Danny opened his mouth to tell the Ghostwriter just where he could shove his pretentious attitude before the sound of snapping fingers distracted him just enough to glance over at the crowd of goths that were taking up the space. A look back to the ghost had Danny losing what was at least seven years of his life because the fucker was gone.

Gripping the book he had caught tightly, Danny slammed it down against a half-working radiator that looked older than the store, freezing when he saw a piece of torn notebook paper slip out of the pages and flutter down towards the ground. Danny managed to snatch it up before it hit, looking at it suspiciously before turning it around and blinking at seeing the writing that was there. He half-thought it might have been a note some former nerd left behind as a placeholder, but that thought was quickly broken when he saw just what the words spelled out.

There, in a neat, curling script that could only mean the writer was a pretentious control freak, were the words, Until next we meet, Phantom.

It was a declaration of war and Danny was all too happy to meet it, vowing that he would destroy Ghostwriter molecule by molecule as he stomped back to his seat (after moving the book off the radiator), another goth nerd already up on stage and reciting what sounded like a sea shanty turned into a spoken word that was then read as a eulogy.

Danny felt some of his rage drain out of him by the sheer confusion he felt at hearing what he was absolutely sure was not English, but the last of it was wiped away clear when he felt his phone buzz with a message from Tucker, who was looking at him with a worried expression.

A quick glance to the message showed just what Danny had expected, a simple, ‘if we talk sam will kill us. you alright?’

Reading the message over another time or two, Danny gave a quick nod before backtracking and shaking his head at Tucker’s unimpressed look. Opening his mouth, and seeing Sam shoot him a look as if she had eyes in the back of her horns, Danny instead turned towards his phone, typing out a quick, ‘Not bad but it pisses me off when a ghost comes in here obviously picking a fight and then leaves without actually fighting I mean what the hell is that about?’

‘sounds like the dude was scoping out the enemy you know? did he do or say anything or something like that? cause you know i’ll leave and back you up no matter how much it would break my heart to not hear the rest of this beautiful poetry on stage.’

Danny had to smother a laugh into his fist and turn it into a weak cough that hopefully didn’t sound too fake, Tucker beaming proudly and sticking out like a sore thumb among all the dour goths crammed together. Danny let him have the moment before kicking his chair - just to keep him humble. ‘Nah I think he already left can’t sense him anymore at least but he didn’t even say anything he just left a note that was basically calling me out for a fight next time we meet.’

‘yikes. sounds like the dude still isn’t over the whole xmas thing. need me to do any research and see if i can’t try to find something out about the dude?’

‘Nah I already know how his powers work and his keyboard thing was busted so it’s not like he can stick me in a poem again I’ll just wait and deal with him when he comes looking for a fight he won’t win.’

Danny tucked his phone away as Tucker snickered behind his own, turning his attention back to whatever car crash was happening on stage, mind already focused on his plans for the war that Ghostwriter had declared.

War had been the plan, at least, until a week passed with no fight with the Ghostwriter and Danny started asking for advice over the problem that was starting to make him twitchy with nerves over nothing happening. Ghosts, in his experience, usually didn’t wait long before getting revenge.

Long talks with Sam, Tucker, Jazz, and even his Mom, who had been the most judgmental out of all of them, had ended up with Danny calling in a favor to a way too amused Clockwork before toting a glowing book that hurt his eyes to look at to a library that he still half wanted to freeze into a giant ice block before shattering it and hiding the remains in the Far Frozen.

It wasn’t like he had started the Christmas fight that had almost ended up destroying all of his relationships in his everyday life, and, really, when one thought about it, Ghostwriter was as big a dick as Danny was. Honestly, ‘until next we meet?’ It wasn’t like that could be anything but a declaration of war!

It was still a challenge Danny was all for if the nerd ever followed through on it, but now if he actually returned the book he had accidentally (which was very important to point out since he hadn’t started the fight) destroyed, then that meant he had the moral high ground and he was right; or something to that effect, at least.

Overall, it was why Danny took great satisfaction in throwing the book in the nerd’s face as soon as the library doors opened way too dramatically, taking a moment to gleefully enjoy the annoyed rage that faded into shocked awe and oh, yeah. Danny was just that good.

While the ghost looked down at the book with wide eyes, Danny took a quick moment to really notice how, even in the Ghost Zone, the dude still looked human. His skin looked way more pale and grey, of course, what with all the crazy lighting and green, but he still could have passed as a human with just a few changes. It was… weird.

The only other ‘human’ ghosts he had really been around was Ember, Johnny, and Kitty. While Kitty’s skin tone could have been sick human, her hair was way too ghostly to ever pass, and Ember was the same with her hair, and Johnny- Well, no, he pretty much had been human as long as he suppressed that glowing thing that all ghosts did. Jazz had almost ended up dating him he looked human enough. Maybe it had something to do with age. Ghostwriter didn’t-

Focus. Danny was here for a reason and that reason was to prove that, obviously, he was the better ghost.

It took hours before Ghostwriter finally looked up at him, opening his mouth to no doubt annoy Danny into his full death. He made sure to cut it off by pointing to the piece of paper that was sticking out of the book. It was a simple note that read:

Nerd.

You can thank Clockwork for this since he owed me a favor or I owe him one. Not sure. It’s Clockwork. Enjoy and stay the fuck out of my town and my life.

Fuck you.

Danny made sure that by the time Ghostwriter finished the note he was well on his way back to the Amity Park portal, confident with his carefully calculated risk that his hands were washed of the mess that was the Ghostwriter.

🕮

Danny had honestly expected to be done dealing with ghostly business for at least a few weeks after his Christmas. He should have been done with the Ghostwriter, all debts should have been repaired, and there should have been absolutely no reason for that ghost, or any other ghost, to be anywhere near him or his town.

Honestly, when thinking about just the Ghostwriter business, Danny was the one who had suffered the most. He couldn’t just get rid of the trauma he had gone through that Christmas, but Ghostwriter had gotten his book back?

No matter how it played out, Danny was the one who suffered the most in the whole scenario, which was why he couldn’t figure out why, a week or something like it later, he was staring groggily at a glowing book that was on his desk on a morning he had to be up early for school.

The winter sun was too dim to light up his room like it might have if it was summer and all of Danny’s lamps were either turned off or burned out from where he had been sleeping, so there really was nothing to cause the glow around the book except the book itself - which meant it was a ghost book. That meant it was a trap. A trap in the morning. Danny really had thought that ghosts had better manners than that.

Scrubbing at his eyes and suppressing the urge to mutter words that he had no doubt his mother would hear even with doors and possibly two floors between them, Danny dragged himself to his feet and stumbled over to the glowing book with a title that looked like it had first been written in crayon before being properly typed or drawn.

Except the longer he stared at the title the more it seemed to make sense, Danny squinting before finally managing to at least make out the word history, which, ugh, did some ghost prank him with a ghostly history textbook? This had Poindexter written all over it.

Snatching the book with a solid plan of hiding it in his backpack until he could throw it back into the Ghost Zone, Danny paused at the fluttering piece of paper that slipped free of the pages and tumbled towards the floor.

Danny made sure to wait at least seven seconds to make sure it wasn’t another form of trap, lightly nudging the piece of paper with his foot before nodding and picking it up, mentally ruling out Poindexter as a suspect and adding in Plasmius. It would be just like that Fruitloop to give him some kind of test or riddle or… familiar looping scrawl that Danny had last seen in a bookshop. For a moment, he could only think that he forgot, in his calculated risk, that he was bad at math.

Phantom,

Thank you for the miraculous recovery and return of my written works that came to a gruesome end this past Yule. While your own correspondence left much to be desired, the return is appreciated.

I’m writing to you now due to the discovery of this book during one of my searches. While I’m certain that you already have a thorough understanding of the Spirit World and its inhabitants, it occurred to me that you might not yet be aware of certain specifics.

Please feel free to peruse this book at your leisure before returning it to my library at your discretion. I would prefer to have it returned within a fortnight but will be most understanding if it happens to take longer.

Regards,

Ghostwriter

Danny had to read through the note four times before he finally crumpled it into a ball and threw it on his desk because no matter how many times he read the words his early morning brain was simply not going to be able to process that. God, the Ghostwriter was like if his sister was a boy and had become a ghost while studying for her finals or something.

The moment it took to process the thought had a shiver running up Danny’s spine, resolve hardened as he dug around through his desk until he found a cheap pen and a crumpled piece of paper that he quickly smoothed out before using it to articulate his thoughts and feelings perfectly.

Ghostwriter

I said stay out of my town and my life and this is doing none of those things. Look it’s plain to see that this book is some kind of trap I mean let me guess you stole it from Plasmius and now you’re gonna pin it on me? As if I don’t have enough problems with the Fruitloop fucking thanks.

Here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m going to give you this book back. You’re going to take it. You’re going to keep out of Amity Park. The next time I see you or any other books in this town I will BURN THEM ON PURPOSE. The last thing I need to deal with in life is another ghost out to kill me for something that’s no longer my fault.

REGARDS

Fuck you

Biting the blunt end of his pen, Danny read over the letter a time or two to make sure it had everything he wanted to say before nodding and slipping the piece of paper between the cover and the first page of the still glowing book. God, the sooner he got the thing out of his room the better. It had probably already tripped at least three ghost sensors in his house.

A quick of the time until he was meant to be at school, and a weighing of his options, had Danny swearing (very quietly) to himself and triggering his change into his ghost form. An hour wasn’t much time to get things done, but it would be enough to get rid of a book.

Besides, Danny hadn’t really thought of the Plasmius thing until he wrote his letter, but the more he thought about it the more it made sense. A ghost was too weak to take him on? Send Plasmius. It was the perfect plan and, actually, one Danny could maybe use against some of the more annoying ghosts. Plus, it’d just be hilarious to see Plasmius go up against Technus. The two would probably monologue at each other for hours- Focus.

Danny had a book to get rid of, a day to get ready for, and at least three classes to sleep in. He couldn’t do that until Ghostwriter was dealt with.

Dropping down through the second and first floor and into the basement with the book still in hand, Danny shot towards the portal with a burst of speed, shivering at the feeling that washed over him as he did so. It always felt like a wave of static that rolled over his skin only without any of the pain. He had explained it to Sam and Tucker once as the feeling just before getting shocked, but both of them had looked at him like he was crazy, so maybe it was a half-ghost thing.

Making a mental note to try and taunt the answer out of Vlad later, Danny focused on getting to the stupid library Ghostwriter lived in, which, really. Who lived in a library? It was so stupid.

It was close enough, though, and Danny was sure it hadn’t even taken ten minutes before he was moving to bang on the doors. He didn’t even get a single knock in before the doors were opening smoothly, no one on the other side to annoy him.

A glance at the book, the empty doorway, and back towards the direction he had come from had Danny cycling through excuses even as he stepped inside, nodding to himself when the doors closed behind him with a very obvious locking noise because of course they did. That was just his life, wasn’t it?

Biting the inside of his cheek until the urge to either scream or swear passed, Danny managed a slow breath, half-remembering something Jazz had told him about counting his breathing or whatever, and then continued on into the library, book clutched tightly in his hand as he contemplated just leaving it on the floor to be found later.

Annoyed as he was, it took him way too long before he realized that the library he was in wasn’t silent. Instead of the silence he had expected, there was a soft, gentle chiming noise.

It wasn’t overpowering like what he would hear from some of Jazz’s guided meditation tapes that she played way too loudly when stressed over testing, but it was something that reminded him of the windchimes in Sam’s greenhouse when they tucked themselves away in there in the winter, humid air warming them up and taking away the sting of the cold winters that Amity Park was known for.

The soft chimes reminded him of his friend’s laughter at all of his bad jokes and the peaceful silence that came from being around people who didn’t expect anything out of him. It was a sound that had something in him relaxing.

The more he relaxed, the more he realized that the library he was in was actually kind of cool. At first it had looked like some official capital library kind of thing with too tall bookshelves and carpet that was enough to make him think it was ugly, but the further he walked into the library the more different it looked.

He wasn’t sure if it was a ghost thing or just the library he was in, but a glance down showed the carpet slowly and smoothly changed from the burnt looking red it had been into a cool purple that felt soft when Danny chanced landing and walking instead of flying. It wasn’t exactly like he was sinking into it, but he could see himself spread out on the floor during a study session and being comfortable enough.

The shelves, if possible, were more surprising in their changes than the carpet. Instead of towering, structured shelves like something out of Jazz’s dream, the bookshelves became lopsided and mismatched like each one had been found in a thrift shop or an antique store or something.

Some of them looked nice enough, but others had obviously crooked shelves and slanted tops and there were even more that had dark spots in the wood that showed some form of weather damage. It was straight out of Jazz’s nightmare, but something about all the clunky, mismatched shelves filled with books both glowing and not made it all look… human.

There were low tables and chairs of different sizes spread around, couches and armchairs decades old that looked like they had been dragged to a certain corner and left forgotten, and lamps of all different shapes and sizes spread out in a way that made no sense.

It was something out of a fever dream and Danny couldn’t help but appreciate the fact that, if nothing else, he had finally found a library he liked - a library that belonged to a ghost that did not act like he would be able to handle living in such a messy, crazy place. No matter how he looked at it, the place he was in just didn’t look like somewhere Ghostwriter could live.

Danny probably would have poked around even more if he hadn’t noticed that the soft chiming noises had stopped and instead been replaced with soft muttering that almost sounded like swearing. The voice was just familiar enough that Danny was pushing forward, drawing to a stop as he saw Ghostwriter was… not looking like Ghostwriter.

The ghost was curled up into an overstuffed armchair that, like everything else, looked like it had come from a completely different decade. That part alone was strange enough, but the truly strange part was the fact Ghostwriter was sitting half propped up against one side with his legs thrown over the other side, a laptop resting in his lap as he glared at a screen that looked bright enough he could already hear his mom telling him that he was going to ruin his eyes.

That wasn’t even the worst of it. Instead of mania and cackling and making Danny’s life a living hell, the ghost looked tired as if he hadn’t slept- Danny hadn’t thought ghosts slept, but the proof was in front of him considering he saw bags under the other’s eyes. There was also the fact Ghostwriter’s hair was an utter wreck, as if he had run a hand through it like Danny did to his own hair and, just a few feet away, the man’s stupid coat was thrown over the back of a couch and, to top it all off, he was wearing no shoes and instead just socks.

He looked human.

The thought had passed through his head again and again over the days he had been dealing with Ghostwriter, but the other was just so human.

There was no grandstanding or monologuing or crazy plan or revenge scheme, but instead somebody curled up and working on their laptop and relaxing in what was obviously their home.

What couldn’t have been more than a couple of seconds and Ghostwriter was freezing and snapping his head up to look at him, something in his eyes going from hard and sharp to confused and surprised as he seemed to realize that, yes, Danny Phantom was standing in front of him.

Later Danny would explain, if only to himself, that it was the scrunched up expression the ghost made that decided it; the crinkles at the corner of his eyes, the twisted little expression of his mouth that looked stupid enough to laugh at, and the crazy hair that was near standing on end with how much it had obviously been abused.

In that moment, though, Danny could only hold the book he had brought behind his back, slipping out the note he had written and crumpling it up before letting it turn to ash in his hand.

Once that was done, he opened his mouth to speak.

#danny phantom #ghostwriter #iambic prose #the ghostwriter #ghost writer #my writing #original

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stuckwith-harry · 5 years

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hey you, i only followed you recently and I really like your hinny fanfics and your poetry. Would you mind telling me about your process when you write? I really wanna learn how to write properly and you seem to take your craft so seriously. How do you built a story, how often do you edit, how much time do you spent on your work, what do you try to go for,...? Thanks xxx

Anon, this is the coolest ask I’ve EVER received, and I’m hanging it on my wall next to all the colour-coded flashcards with poems on them. This is going to be LONG, and by no means exhaustive - I’m gonna jump around and ramble a bit and if there’s anything specific you wanna hear more about, please ask! I fucking love talking about writing!

I’m gonna put most of this under a cut, but before we dive in: yes, I tAkE mY wRiTiNg sErIoUsLy in the sense that I’d like to publish some original bodies of work in my life and to have physical copies of them exist on a bookshelf that’s not my own. I don’t need it to pay the bills, but if you googled my full name I’d like for, like, a poetry collection to show up and not, I don’t know, the two poems I got published in a regional newspaper when I was eight.

(And please let the record show that they’re fine poems for a primary schooler. The cringe years came way after that, kids.)

So, even having some ambitions in the industry, the reality is that I’m a 19-year-old kid with a keyboard and a dodgy internet connection who discovered fanfiction when she was twelve and got hooked for life. We’re going to retire the idea of “writing properly” for now, because writing is supposed to be fun and I haven’t actually gotten accepted into that Creative Writing Bachelor’s degree I so desperately want to do. YET. Don’t let the fancy writing blog (@jessicagluch) fool you into thinking I know what the heck I’m doing. But, okay, with that out of the way, let’s get into what I’m personally doing right now, yeah?

Fanfiction

You asked about process, and the truth is, I don’t … really have one. For the Muggle/FWB AU called “Let Me love” I just published, I actually wrote a pretty detailed outline that I then filled in, which was fun, but it’s not a habit exactly. I’d written a lot of assorted scenes and pieces of dialogue for that one, too, so I had a lot of material and just had to put all the scraps and pieces in order and stitch it all together. After the brainstorming, word-vomity part of writing Let Me love, my #1 task was figuring out where everything went, and making sure it’s all there.

As soon as I’d written a full first draft, no gaps, and the anatomy of the whole thing had somewhat clicked into place, I moved away from it for a while. Wrote something else. Came back maybe a week or two later, polished up the prose a bit very late at night.

Figure out when your creative hours are, if you can pinpoint it at all. Mine are precisely “I was supposed to be asleep two hours ago and I’ve got an important thing tomorrow” o’ clock. Sigh.

Just - leave it alone for a bit, come back with fresh eyes. I love writing Let Me love - I’m working on part 2 right now - but after you’ve fucked around with the same sentence fifty times, you get sick of it. And I did. At some point you have to decide to put down the pen and let it be.

Especially because fanfiction isn’t something you’re writing for a publisher - hopefully, you’re writing it mostly for you - no one is holding a gun to your head to get rid of every last adverb or stuff like that. I can do what I want, MOM. I am allowed to make the thing I’m writing as tropey and campy as I want and hold up a big old middle finger to the rules, if that’s what I want to do.

Fanfiction, to me, is this grand, batshit writing playground. That’s why I fell for it in the first place - it’s inherently self-indulgent and hedonistic and that you can write everything EXACTLY as you please is the primary purpose it serves as a genre. So go wild.

(Process-wise, the one thing I do very consistently is making moodboards and playlists. I like having some inspiration material to swim around in, which helps me figure out what the story looks and feels and sounds like in my head.

Every fic has a soundtrack. SOUNDTRACKS ARE IMPORTANT, PEOPLE.

Like, Let Me love is all coloured lights and night-time London and texts left on read. It’s neon signs and wearing somebody else’s t-shirt, messy bedsheets and hangover breakfasts and quarter-life crises.

This is the Pinterest board.)

What I pay most attention to is the stuff that gives the text depth beyond the surface. I look for metaphors - and I personally prefer the ones that carry through the whole thing, ideas we explore throughout the story and revisit at the end. I look for themes that hold a story together beyond the plot. I look for subtext and imagery and I want symbolism, goddamnit.

(That’s the poet kicking in.)

And of course, I’m a product of my generation, so I love referencing other bodies of work and subverting tropes and stuff like that. Hey kids, intertextuality is fun!

(Like, do you see what I did there? See how the phrase “hey kids x is fun” in itself is a reference to something? See??? I’m a fucking genius.)

I think we need some examples. Allow me to toot my own horn for a minute.

In the Halloween 2018 oneshot I wrote, which is about Harry grappling with the anniversary of his parents’ death when he’s a little older, he visits the graveyard with Ginny and Lily Luna. Ginny comments that “it’s freezing”, to which Harry responds with the titular, “you’re warm”. And yes, it’s October, it’s probably cold. They’re keeping each other warm. And yes, it’s maybe about comfort in harsh situations in general, a more metaphorical warmth, if you will. I get it.

But when you remember this exchange is taking place on a graveyard, you might start to wonder about warm, living bodies as opposed to cold, deceased ones. And then you think about how this whole story is about the living remembering - in a sense, living with - the dead. And how it’s about death as a part of Harry’s life. And you can probably guess by now that all my literature teachers fucking adored me.

(But he’s also choosing a side here, maybe. But I’m merely the author, you don’t have to listen to me at all. My words beyond the words don’t mean shit unless you decide they do and even then you’re going to find yourself knees-deep in a debate around authorial intent in record-time. In the age of “Nagini was a cursed human woman all along”, I’m not sure I want that.)

I also reference other pieces of work a lot. Often poems, and even more frequently, songs. The songs in Let Me love are VERY IMPORTANT and I can’t show you the full playlist right now because SPOILERS. But the chapters are split into sub-sections via song lyrics. Those are part of the playlist. There’s also a lot of referencing songs in general because Harry is a big music fan in this one, but that’s just indulgence on my part. If I want to make a 21st century Harry a Mitski stan, then I will. And I did!

(AND Let Me love has a Friends reference. For funsies, but also, for much more than funsies.)

“I love you / please do not use it” was inspired by a poem by Savannah Brown called “organs”. (It’s linked in the author’s notes at the beginning.)

“It’s two sugars, right?” borrows and/or references a ton of lines and phrases from T. S. Eliot’s The Hollow Men. Most noticeably:

Sublety isn’t my middle name, exactly. (The forget-me-not-blue sky in The Bride On The Train, anyone?)

In short: I like when my fanfictions are worth rereading. I like when you can come out the second read having found a little more than you did the first. I like when you can wander around a little, and, like a treasure hunter, make some strange new discoveries.

Lastly: of course, writing from your own experience helps. Spy on your own life. Collect all the ways in makes you feel, like a thief, write it down, memorise it, put it in the story. Reuse! Recycle! ✊🏻

I fortunately don’t relate to Harry’s childhood trauma, but the feeling at the beginning of “We’ll figure it out” - which is a story set shortly after him and Ginny find out she’s pregnant and he’s struggling to connect with everybody else’s simple bliss, because he’s terrified, and he’s terrified of admitting he’s terrified - that was real. That “wait a minute, this moment is amazing. I’m supposed to be the happiest person on the planet right now. Why am I not feeling it? What is this emptiness? Am I not happy right now? Why am I having doubts? I’m not supposed to have any doubts! What the fuck is wrong with me?”, that was lifted from a specific experience.

Side note, I’m really proud of that one.

Okay, poetry!

Where there is even less rules and more fucking around ensues!

I read and promptly lost a quote recently about how explaining a song sort of defeats the purpose. (I’ll link it here if I ever find it again.) In some ways, poems and songs work really similarly, and I think it applies here as well: if you could really explain the whole poem in one sentence, or a few sentences, if you could accurately and concisely summarise exactly how it feels, then you wouldn’t really need the poem. My favourite poems (or songs) tend to be the ones that outline a really specific emotion via a few powerful images, but I couldn’t precisely tell you what the emotion is. Like, I know exactly what this thing is saying, I know this exact feeling, I GET-GET it, but don’t ask me to explain the thing, just READ the THING, and you’ll KNOW.

Mitski does this really well. Like, I couldn’t explain to you what Last Words Of A Shooting Star makes me feel, but it does. I can tell you that “I am relieved that I left my room tidy, they’ll think of me kindly when they come for my things” cuts through me like a hot blade but I can’t pinpoint exactly why and I don’t want to. All I know is she Gets It, and that I want her writing chops, goddamnit.

Or, like, look at Laura Gilpin’s Two-Headed Calf. Yeah, I’ve read that poem a hundred times and thought a lot about all the themes it’s presenting me with. But I have zero desire to explain those themes to you, because I’d kind of be robbing it of its magic. I don’t want to tell you what it’s about. I want you to read it and I want to simply sit with the knowledge that we know, we Get It, that “twice as many stars as usual” kicked you in the shins, emotionally speaking, as much as it did me.

Few words, max impact, is key.

In Mary Oliver’s words, we want something inexplicable made plain, not unlike a suddenly harmonic passage in an otherwise difficult and sometimes dissonantsymphony - even if it is only for the moment of hearing it.

I’m realising right now that leading with these shining examples and then following them up with my own thing is nerve-wracking. But I like to think that I accomplished something like that with a little poem I wrote called Basements.

It’s is based on the prompt “back to nature” and follows that, uhm, somewhat loosely, a little subverted. I think it’s about impermanence and nostalgia and the fact that the places we lived in continue to exist even when our lives in them don’t anymore. It’s about that and a lot of other things. Maybe. The truth is, I don’t want to explain it to you: I just want you to read it, and then I hope that it made you feel something, and I’m going to trust that you Get It. Maybe you don’t get the same things I did, but that’s great. I’d love nothing more.

Before it was all those things, it was a poem about my life. The neighbourhood with the yellow house across the graveyard that I spent nine mostly happy years in. (The house, not the graveyard.) Every single thing in there is true: my sister really bust her lip and we both cried; wild lilac really grew there; we did spend most of our summers catching tadpoles, and yes, that neighbourhood was a construction site from the first day we lived there to the very last.

And I really sat in the driver’s seat of the family car about a year ago and watched it from afar. I didn’t come up with that - it’s my life. I only went on a scavenger hunt through my own memories, through the places and records and mementos of my life, and arranged a few specific anecdotes in a way that would give them meaning.

It’s kind of what I’m proudest of when it comes to my poetry - that I get to just live my life and see the metaphor and the meaning and symbolism as I’m experiencing it. I sat in the car and I thought, huh, that’s definitely making me Feel A Thing right now, that I’m sitting in the driver’s seat looking at this place I haven’t really been to in years, my childhood home, where I don’t live anymore. That I drove here myself.

I think that, when done right, specific makes universal. If you arrange a kaleidoscope of memories in just the right way, what it’s making you feel will speak for itself, and you won’t have to explain it. Most people who’ve read “basements” probably didn’t spend countless summers playing in literal holes, originally dug out for basements that were never built because no one wanted to move there. Holes that then grew full of weeds and wild lilac and felt like miniature jungles right outside our parents’ houses. It was perfect, it was specifically mine, but the feeling behind it is universal, I think.

Like, that’s how half of Taylor Swift’s RED works. That’s how most good Taylor Swift songs work. That’s why the bridge in Out of the Woods is so good and why I love New Year’s Day so much and it’s EXACTLY why All Too Well is considered her best song by so many people. Because she zoomed in on the details of her life and let the world take a look. Because “we dance around the kitchen in the refrigerator light” is a line in that song. THAT’s why it MAKES YOU FEEL THE THING.

Back to poems? This:

So we tell them all about the dayWe planned revolutions on my bedroom floor, or how we onceSpent an entire Monday lunch break making life plans over ice creamAnd most of our parties talking politics over beerWe both paid for ourselves.About the days you drive me to school. In your carI am the girl, front-seat passenger of our lives,Who does not need reach for the steering wheel –The road is alright.

isn’t fiction. These are my memories, carefully selected and re-arranged for Politics at Parties Boy.

I didn’t make up these film stills of a non-romantic relationship that never became anything other than non-romantic because neither party ever made a move. What I did is look at my own life like it’s a piece of fiction. If these memories were a movie, you could pluck them apart and say, see, the screenwriters put this scene here to communicate that.

The truth is, I am the screenwriter and the protagonist and the actress and the director and the camerawoman. I looked at a teenage girl who refused to let her friend buy her a beer at a school party and decided “huh, I guess that tells us everything we need to know” because I was that girl.

And I did pay for the beer, so we’d never move into “let me buy you a drink” territory. He was already driving me to school.

That’s my best lesson on poetry, really. I look at my life like it’s a piece of fiction and then I make it one. I put personal memories in poems meant to be read by other people, I overinterpret everything that happens to me, am literally constantly thinking about how to work every knock-back and struggle into my narrative arc and look for symbolism in anything from the date, the weather, and the colour of my front door. I watch myself in third person all the time and thus become my own muse. I’m the painter and the painting.

It’s a somewhat narcissistic and masturbatory approach to poetry, but as far as writing about your own life goes, it’s what works for me.

As far as writing about not yourself goes - well, I’m a narcissist and I’m bad at that, but I wrote a poem about the Mars rover Opportunity that shut down this February called Spirit shuts down and Opportunity feels no tremble, no ache. For stuff like that, if you don’t happen to be Struck TM by a lightning bolt of inspiration (which is the exception, not the rule), a good old-fashioned mind-map helps. I just let my robot grief go wild on the page for a bit and what I ended up writing about was death and the human condition and being a teenage girl, maybe.

I really enjoy taking two concepts/ideas and juxtaposing them, watching a theme unfold in the overlap. Like, it’s a poem about a robot AND about being a teenage girl and in between those two lies a poem about the futile attempts to teach a robot human emotion. Maybe.

It’s a poem about how my mum always cries at the airport and about me making my own happiness my priority and it kind of ends up being about my intense guilt of making my parents watch me change and grow and leave.

It’s about the night I wandered through a quiet street in Central London at 1 a.m. and realised that the city of my dreams sleeps like any other place, that people wake up early and make coffee and go to work and have bad days here. That it’s not all dream. It’s some people’s lives. But it’s also about watching another person sleep - the way someone’s face changes when they do.

In the middle lay a poem about finding a friend in a lover. Not the daydream, but my life.

Lastly, I can’t talk about my own poetry without talking about my darling poem 5 disasters. It’s my pride and joy. Like, you could kill me write now and I’d be like, it’s okay, I’ve written the poem I want to be remembered for and it’s this one. I wrote it in less than a day and every time I think about the fact that I wrote

I cravedsomething more violent than death, somethingviolent enough to bea beginningand for my life to be thousands of themI wantednothingto remainexcept the girl that sentthe disastersand survived -may this wasteland bewhere I find her.

… I lose my shit a little bit.

(5 disasters was a rarity in how quickly I wrote it. It often takes me weeks. Sometimes months. There’s poems I’ve been meaning to write for years now and I still haven’t found the words. Take your time.)

5 disasters is a lot of things, but within the context of the poetry collection it’s hopefully going to exist in one day, it serves as almost an instruction manual for metaphors: here, the floods and rainfalls are always change and the forest fires are always my highschool demons and my friends and how they look the same. The colour yellow is always referencing the same love. Basically, I like pinpointing my symbolisms and then crafting a poem around them. You end up creating something like an in-poem universe that you get to navigate like a fantasy novel. Like you’re telling a story about a natural disaster, but it’s all a metaphor, Hazel Grace.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. As I do.

I hope this serves as a starting point of sorts, anon. Most importantly, have fun, don’t concern yourself with all the rules too much. Experiment, be bold, read lots.

Again, if you’ve got any questions, I’d be thrilled to help. Thanks for the opportunity to toot my own horn to this outrageous degree, it’s been a blast.

#this is SO LONG i'm SO SORRY i was VERY EXCITED #jessie the writer #owl post #anon

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crystallized-iron · 4 years

Text

So I got bored and answered an entire ask meme.

Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

My comfort zone for writing might be emotional angst.

Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

Sci-fi, the kind with ships and space aliens, probably similar to Star Wars but with my own spin on it

Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

I wouldn’t be so dramatic with the wording, but I will not write kidfic (that’s when some are kids and others aren’t, right?) or de-aging. I would only write characters as kids if it’s part of a super long series and they all age together. And I haven’t even done that.

How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

Charles Xavier supposedly died but his consciousness was recovered by scientists and then transferred to a cloned body of his. Then they get scared when he starts to actually use his power.

Share one of your strengths.

Painful scenes.

Share one of your weaknesses.

Fluff

Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

He rubbed his head. They just would not stop.

- sun is dropping - did you hear - the bodies should -

Bodies?

- be at the bottom -

His hand lowered to his side. Did he catch the thought of a murderer? He could pick it out over the usual hum. So he was nearby.

The door to the inn opened and someone walked inside.

There was a flash of a moment in Charles’ mind. A group of men. Their faces pierced grotesquely by their own fishing hooks. And dragged to the bottom of the sea.

The screaming was chilling. But… but...

It was no ordinary person that committed that sinful act. He was gifted, like Charles himself.

Someone bumped into him and Charles caught the image of a girl. Bruised. Starved. ‘They give one fish for using us.’

‘Using you?’

‘Our bodies. We would fight, but… Food is food.’

“Private room for one if you can.”

It was not out of pure cruelty, not from an evil nature. He was stopping those that brought pain to others.

“Charles, let’s go,” Raven said, key in hand.

“He is with us as well,” he stated, getting the man to turn and stare at him.

======

The Gifted, Chapter One

I like this scene here. We see Charles’ just picking up the thoughts of others because he cannot control his powers yet. We get a glimpse into what Erik did, and even why he did it (although that is also an earlier scene). But the closer Erik gets, the more Charles can see, showing that proximity is a big factor in what Charles can see when it comes to mind reading.

Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Charles faced him. “I am not sure how much I can tell you.”

“You read my mind.”

“It is the loudest.”

Erik folded his arms. “So what can you tell me?”

“Only about my life after the age of twelve. But I warn you, I am terribly boring.”

“You are a mind reader. How is that boring?”

“But that is just what I can do. Aside from that I'm a boring person, really.”

“Let me decide that,” Erik said.

Charles nibbled his lip while he decided where to start, his mind catching a question from the other man. “Of course you would want to know more about that.”

“Of course. Because you were hurt.”

Shaking his head, Charles said, “I really do not know who she is. That all happened just before Raven.”

“What do you mean, just before?”

He gazed at the floor. “My earliest memory is running. Just running. There is nothing before that.” His arms came up, wrapped around himself. “There is just the stars above me, the cool breeze, the night sky. Cold grass beneath me that crunched with every step.”

Erik came closer.

“My lungs were burning, my heart was racing, I… I just kept thinking ‘run’.”

“And you don’t know why.”

“I don’t. I was in the woods. And I tripped over a tree root. I suppose it was lucky. Raven happened to be hiding nearby. She found me.” He raised his head and looked at Erik. “In the dream, that woman… she… you know.”

“Choked me,” Erik finished for him.

“Yes. Well. That part, it… it must have really happened.” Charles swallowed down the emotions trying to force their way out. “I didn’t… I didn’t know until she said… there were marks.” He moved a hand down his neck. “I know my power is protecting me. Or I would remember all of it, or… maybe be even worse off. Not sure. But whatever it was had to be... really, really horrible.”

Erik stood in front of him. “But you survived it.”

“I don’t know how. I… don't want to know.”

=======

The Gifted, Chapter Four

This scene, I think I pulled it off well. Charles’ emotional explanation of what he does remember from the time just before meeting Raven.

Which fic has been the hardest to write?

That would be So Beautiful, simply because there’s a lot of subs but no comments, anywhere, period. The number of comments really does make a difference in how quickly something might be updated, you know. (And at this point, I’ve temporarily fallen out of MCU love and am now focused on X-Men, cherik specifically)

Which fic has been the easiest to write?

Currently, that is The Gifted. I’m already writing chapter 8, but only up to 5 is posted so far. Probably a good thing because I edited both 6 and 7 maybe three times now.

Is writing your passion or just a fun hobby?

Both. I am passionate about writing, but the fanfiction part has to be a hobby. Now I just need to get working on my original work more.

Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more?

For me it’s moves, and probably X-Men: The First Class right now.

What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

When you’re writing a fight scene, you are doing it because you want the character to get hurt. Even if they run away, you need to have the injury goal in mind, because that determines the way the characters move and all that. So decide the injury goal first.

What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

Never use -ing, never use -ly, never use blah blah blah.

If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

I can think of three right away, but I would say The Gifted.

If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?

Fuck... right now, cherik.

Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

Generally start to finish, but I will occasionally outline random scenes for the end. I’m always planning for the end and then get stuck in the middle.

Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines?

I’ve tried. Right now I have a tiny notebook map for The Gifted, and a few scenes outlined, but that’s it.

Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse?

I don’t think so. I wouldn’t know if I do or not. Maybe it’s James himself lol. His various characters influence a lot.

Describe your perfect writing conditions.

Cat is napping, tv isn’t super loud, I’m not expected to socialize, nothing I want to pay attention to is going to be on, it’s not after 9pm yet, I have ideas and the perfect soundtrack and plenty of empty pages to use.

How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Depends. Prompt fills are lucky to get any revision. The Gifted goes through my own editing as well as my beta’s. Promised Love and A Lie to Live, when they were getting weekly updates, had one revision each, right after typing, and then were immediately posted. I stressed over those two a lot during that time though. Not doing it that way again lol.

Choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it into your current writing style. (Person sending the ask is free to make suggestions).

From Comfort Original:

It had been a bad night, the tower getting cooler than usual as the wind whipped around outside. Even with how well it was built, the windows still had a slight rattle against the force of it. Bucky hated the cold, too many negative memories involved. Watching outside, he knew he was safe, knew that the chances of something coming up this high, without him noticing it, were extremely low, but he still worried. He couldn't go back to Steve, though. Things had been getting a little complicated between them, mostly due to the man that had taken them in.

Edit:

The wind howled outside, chilling the tower more than usual. The windows rattled with every strong gust. Bucky stared outside. The cold reminded him of being thrown from the train, of being frozen for days, weeks, months at a time. It made him think of HYDRA, and even though he knew the chances of anyone sneaking up on the team here were extremely low, he couldn’t stop the worry from creeping up on him.

But he couldn’t even seek out his best friend for comfort after their fight over the man that had been kind enough to take them in.

If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

I already decided I will be doing this for A Lie to Live, because I know I can write it so much better now.

Have you ever deleted one of your published fics?

Never. Anything I’ve ever posted, you can still find it if you know where to look.

Although it looks like one site decided to delete my work. And my account. I have backups on my flash drive, I’m pretty sure, but still.

Always back stuff up. This was mostly original though. Too high rated for fictionpress.

What do you look for in a beta?

Mostly that they will be okay with the content I want to create. I tend to write darker stuff (had a beta for violent vampire fic and have a beta for dark x-men fantasy au), so it’s good to know they will be okay with that. Also things that I think may be triggering, I mention ahead of time before I write it. Just to be sure everything is still good.

Do you beta yourself? If so, what kind of beta are you?

I tend to be my own beta and mostly catch typos and reword stuff, change the flow if I have to, maybe move a scene or a chapter.

Being a beta for others? I fix grammar mostly. I feel like I’m shit at suggestions though lol.

How do you feel about collaborations?

I love them but they never get finished lol. There’s two people I’ve collaborated with on different stories over the years, one I started a page with, and someone that was interested, but that’s it.

My only issues these days, with the invention of google docs and able to write back and forth and all that, I am a shy writer so I will wait for the other person to leave the document, especially during... certain scenes...

And also, that the breaks in between adding a part does not exceed a week. The last one I worked on has now passed a year since anything added, so I don’t think it will be updated again any time soon.

Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

LadyDarkPhoenix because she got me into fanfic and into the MCU fandom and her ideas are awesome. One of the people I’ve collaborated with for years over different stories.

NotEvenCloseToStraight has some of the best fics. I haven’t read any for awhile for a variety of reasons (not to do with her, my own distracted mind and now fandom switch really) but she is amazing and a sweet person.

Kellyscams has written some amazing stuff. Just, really check them out.

If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

Um... Oh, this is tough. I think I’m mostly reading prompt fills and wips right now.

Maybe a sequel to Coming Home by helens78, only because I didn’t know how much I wanted Wesley/Charles until then. And then add in the implied interest in Erik as well, and yes.

Do you accept prompts?

I do.

Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

It varies. Prompt fills lately are more canon compliant, but if I’m doing chapters, it’s way AU.

How do you feel about smut?

I love reading it. I somewhat write it in collaborations.

I panic and stop every other sentence when I attempt writing it alone.

How do you feel about crack?

It can be good.

What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?

Depends on the character and the situation.

Would you ever kill off a canon character?

I’ve killed Tony at least twice now.

Which is your favorite site to post fic?

AO3 for sure.

Talk about your current wips.

The Gifted is a fantasy AU in the X-Men Alternate Timeline Movies fandom

Promised Love is an arranged marriage fantasy AU in the MCU fandom

A Lie to Live is a fantasy AU in the MCU fandom

So Beautiful is a modern, no powers, college AU in the MCU fandom

Help Me is a sequel to Bite Me and it is a vampire au in the MCU fandom

Talk about a review that made your day.

This chapter made me feel feelings. My poor boys! :'( And well done with Erik's anger, lashing out and the aftermath. I understand you are upset, Erik, but that is not an acceptable way to treat a friend. And it's good that you realized that too.

===

This one especially. Also their previous two comments.

Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

Not really. Not since, like, high school.

That was a long while ago. I was still really into the LoTR movies.

Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one)

Bite Me

Bucky tried to block Aldrich’s blows with his arms but the monster gave him a harsh stomp to the stomach. Bucky coughed as he rolled onto his side, tasting his own blood in his mouth.

“I truly did want more of a fight than this out of you. How pathetic.”

“T-think so?” He looked up to see Tony coming back.

Aldrich caught the stare and turned, grabbing onto the wooden stake made from the leg of a desk.

“Shit!” Tony struggled.

“Thank you, Anthony.” Aldrich yanked the stake from Tony’s hands and, finding Bucky on his feet, thrust it through the other vampire’s chest.

“No!” Tony cried, trying to get past Aldrich to reach the man he loved, but his Master gripped his shoulder and threw him back.

“You were perfect,” Aldrich growled, “but I will never have your heart, will I? Not as a mate.”

Tony blinked away tears that threatened to blur his vision. “Never.”

Leering at the vampire that held Tony’s affection, Aldrich shoved the stake deeper, Bucky’s cold, dark blood gushing out around it, and then pulled it free.

A grotesque, thick flow fell from the hole in Bucky’s chest.

“No, no, no!” Tony needed to reach him, but he froze once the already stained wood pierced him next.

“You can join him, Anthony,” Aldrich spoke so sweetly, giving it another push to be sure neither would leave.

Tony stared at him. His chest felt wet, cramped, cold. Fear shook his body.

His knees hit the floor. “B-Buck...y...?”

But no response came.

As Aldrich walked away, Tony found himself all alone in a place that reeked of blood and horror. His vision began to falter. He grew so tired... so very tired... so very... very... tired...

#ask meme #writing

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opsecretsanta2019 · 5 years

Text

FAQs (mobile-friendly)

This is a mobile-friendly copy of the FAQs page for easy reference, accurate as of 24 October 2019. For the most updated version, please check the FAQs page in browser or on desktop.

FAQs below the cut! Mobile-friendly rules here.

Where is the application form?

It’s linked in the rules page. Please read the rules before applying, thanks!

What is this?

It’s a one piece holiday gift exchange on tumblr!

When are the deadlines?

15 Nov – Applications close. 22 Nov – Santas assigned. 27 Nov – Santas confirm assignments. 25 Dec to 31 Dec – Post the gifts! 5 Jan 2020 – Tell me if you didn’t get your gift. 9 Jan 2020 – Backup santas notified. 31 Jan 2020 – Backup santa gifts posted!

The close of each day is 11:59pm HKT (GMT + 8h). Please note that my timezone is ahead of most countries.

How do I join?

To enter, you must read the rules and complete the application form linked on the rules page.

You must send in the application form before 15th NOVEMBER 2019 at 11:59pm HKT (GMT+8h).

If you apply, please commit to creating and giving a gift.

What’s this password thing you have in the application? What password?

If you don’t know the password, please read the entire rules page carefully from top to bottom. For easy reference, here’s a link to the rules and the mobile-friendly rules.

Applications with an incorrect password will be rejected during santa/ giftee assignments, even if applicants received the response email.

Oh no! I made a mistake in my application form/ I got the password wrong/ I left out something. What do I do?

You can edit your application anytime before applications close on 15 November 2019 (2359h HKT). You should have received a response email with the edit link.

I made a typo on my password. Will I be rejected/ do I need to edit my application?

Nah, that’s fine, I’m willing to accept typos. Your application will get denied if the answer clearly shows that you don’t know the password.

Who sees the information I put in my application?

The middle section with your preferences will be copy-pasted and sent word-for-word to your santa. Your santa will also get your tumblr URL/ username. If you addressed any comments to your santa in your miscellaneous comment section, I’ll pass those along too.

Only the mods will see your email and other details. For now, that’s only me (@codedredalert) and @narramin. Since the volume of work got overwhelming, I got her on board as a mod.

She’s a close friend I trust, and while I don’t think we’ll have anyone else joining us as a moderator, If you’re very concerned about other people finding out about your email address and other application details, maybe give this event a miss.

What do I have to do when I post my gift?

Mention the name of your giftee in the post (like this: @url). Also mention @opsecretsanta2019 in the post.

Tag #opsecretsanta2019 and any appropriate compulsory warning tags (#n/sfw, #graphic violence, #major character death, #noncon or dubcon, #underage , #chose not to use warnings , #no warnings apply).

Consider writing a nice message to the giftee to go along with the gift, if you like.

If it is Not Safe For Work, please put it in a read-more and tag it appropriately.

Send me a link to your post! I will be re-blogging all gifts under #finished gifts.

How do you select Secret Santas?

I sort participants by naughty and nice into a SFW group and a NSFW group. After that, both groups are separately put through a random generator. Once giftees are drawn from the generator, I will manually check to make sure santas/ giftees share at least one mutual interest.

You should not be giving to the same person you’re receiving from.

What does it mean if I’m in the NSFW group?

If you choose NSFW, it means you are okay with making or receiving NSFW content AND are at least 21 years of age.

You do not have to create a NSFW gift if you don’t feel like it. You may or may not receive a NSFW gift.

Can I make/ receive NSFW?

To potentially receive or send NSFW material, you must be 21 years or older when applications close on 15 November 2019 2359h.

If you make something NSFW for your giftee, please put it under a read more and tag it appropriately. If your NSFW gift is/ could be flagged, please post it on another site and provide a link in a tumblr post.

Why must I be 21+ to receive/ give NSFW? I’m an adult in my country.

I don’t want drama/ legal issues about adults sending NSFW to minors. 21 is the highest age of majority as far as I’m aware, so that’s what I set it as to cover everyone. Sorry, kiddo.

I’m not 21+ yet but I will be by the time applications close. Can I still say I’m 21+?

Happy early birthday, I hope you have a great time! Please go ahead and put yourself on the NSFW list if you want. I’ll take the cut-off for age limit at the point where applications close aka 15 November 2019 2359h HKT.

What is considered NSFW?

NSFW components for the purposes of this event (loosely based on the R rating guidelines of the Motion Picture Association of America):

(1) Violence: Canon-typical depictions of violence are generally SFW (eg. brawls, blood, stabbing). However, violence that is detailed, realistic, extreme or persistent would make a work NSFW.

(2) Language/ Profanity / Swearing: Generally, swearing is SFW, but you’re encouraged to keep it mild. You have a maximum of one (1) singular “fuck” to give in a SFW work. Use it wisely. Excessive or extremely graphic swearing would make a work NSFW.

(3) Drugs/ Substance Abuse:

Canon-typical depiction of smoking is SFW (eg. chain smoking or smoking several cigarettes/cigars at once is SFW). However, smoking/ nicotine addiction that is detailed, realistic, extreme or persistent would make a work NSFW.

Canon-typical drinking of large amounts of alcohol is SFW. However, alcoholism/ alcohol addiction that is detailed, realistic, extreme or persistent would make a work NSFW.

Mention of drugs used in a medical context is SFW. Otherwise, any drug use or mention of drug use would make a work NSFW.

(4) Nudity and sexual content:

Nudity that is depicted visually (eg. art) is NSFW, regardless of whether it is sexual or not. Please post a censored/ partial preview of the art and link the full piece on another site. (Tumblr might flag it otherwise lol.)

Non-visual nudity (eg. writing) is NSFW if it is sexually-oriented. Please ensure that it is under a read-more.

All sexual content is NSFW regardless of medium.

Hugs, kisses and cuddling are SFW.

Can I opt to be in the NSFW list, but still say I don’t want to receive/ create a certain type of NSFW (eg. specifically not sexual content, or drug abuse)?

Yup! Generally, giving more information in your application is better. It’s good to be clear and upfront about your likes and dislikes. It helps me a lot in deciding if I need to re-roll when I double-check your random match. It helps your santa know what not to give you too.

Is ____ pairing/ content/ gen allowed?

As long as they’re canon One Piece characters, yes. This event aims to be as inclusive as possible. Just make sure you tag appropriately.

Are OCs/ self-insert/ Y/N fic allowed?

Sorry, nope. I’m sure you and your OCs are lovely, however, this is a One Piece event, so please only feature canon One Piece characters.

You CAN sneak in a little extra cameo if you really want. Eg. a random person in the background/ a random shopkeeper in your fic. But the focus must be on canon One Piece characters.

I personally consider ____ content problematic. Will you allow it?

The compulsory warning tags (following those on Ao3) generally cover a wide range of potentially offensive content. Please be responsible for your own content regulation by blacklisting the necessary tags. I cannot be responsible for everyone’s content consumption.

I’m personally triggered by _____. Can you tag it?

Your personal triggers will already be accounted for in the application form and the information sent to your santa. So, this shouldn’t be a problem for your gift. Also, there are the compulsory warning tags for you to blacklist if necessary.

If you think there is still a very high chance that other people’s gifts will have your trigger, send me an ask off-anon proposing (1) a feasible identification system and (2) a tag name. We’ll see if we can work something out.

I promise to hear you out. However, I will exercise my discretion as to whether it is feasible for me to impose your request on every post on this blog. If your request requires a moral judgment or a lot of work on my part, I am less likely to impose your request.

It’s not possible for me to please everyone. I’ve done my best to cover the generally-accepted warnings. Thanks in advance for your understanding.

What kinds of gifts are allowed?

Anything digital as long as you personally created it for your giftee!

SUGGESTED minimum guidelines for different types of content are below (feel free to go above and beyond if your heart desires):

– Art – 1 artwork, sketches are okay as long as characters are recognisable

– AMVs – 30 seconds. Please use only official art/ anime/ movies as your base.

– Animations – 3 seconds, sketches are okay as long as characters are recognisable

– Animatics – 30 seconds, sketches are okay as long as characters are recognisable

– Edits – 2 edits of good image quality. Please use only official art as your base.

– Fanfiction – 100 words (prose), 20 words (poetry)

– GIFsets – 2 gifs of good image quality. Please use only official art/ anime/ movies as your base.

– Music cover – 1 minute. Please cover only official One Piece songs/ motifs.

– Playlist – 10 songs. Please try to find out about your giftee’s music taste and cater to that if possible.

– Podfic/ audio reading – You MUST get permission in writing from the fic author before making the recording. In your recording, you MUST clearly state the original author, the title of the original fic, and the website where the original fic can be found. In your post, you MUST give LINKED credit to both the original author AND the original fic.

Do I need to meet a minimum for my gift?

There are suggested minimum guidelines for different types of content, but there are no strict minimums. The gift creation for this event is intended to be very achievable, stress-free, and accessible even to first-time creators.

Do I have to follow a winter theme in the gift?

Nope. Anything goes! Just try to do something you think your giftee would like according to the information you were given.

Can I send something in the mail?

Sorry, please don’t. This exchange is digital-only.

Hey I'm a writer who uses Ao3. Is there an Ao3 collection for this event which I can add my gift to?

Yup, here’s the link to the opsecretsanta2019 Ao3 collection. Please feel free to add your fic(s) to the Ao3 collection during the posting period (aka 25 December 2019 to 31 December 2019). It would be good if you could drop me a message on tumblr when you do.

I don’t know what an Ao3 collection is/ how to submit works to an Ao3 collection/ how to specify gift recipients etc?

Here are the Ao3 Collections FAQs.

I’m not very good at art/ writing/ etc.

That’s okay! As long as you put your heart into it, you’re welcome aboard!

I want to join but I’m shy/ intimidated generally/ by my giftee/ by everyone’s expectations.

Hey, it’s alright, we’re all nakama in the same anime pirate boat here to enjoy some holiday time. Just try your best and have fun!

I didn't receive my response email?

Ah, the automated emails have a daily limit, sorry. You can send me a message and I'll send you a copy manually. Thanks!

When and how will I get my Secret Santa assignment?

On or before 22 November, I will contact you via your tumblr blog. Please keep your askbox/ submit box open between 14 November 2019 and 23 November 2019.

If I can’t reach you on tumblr, I will use the email you provide in the application.

If you applied on time, but did not receive a giftee assignment, please contact me.

When should I send my gift to my Secret Santa?

Any time on or between 25 December 2019 and 31 December 2019.

Can I let my giftee know who I am?

Only once you post your gift. In other words, yes but not earlier than 25 December 2019.

Can I contact my giftee to clarify things about the gift?

Yes but you cannot reveal your identity before you post your gift (eg. use anon asks). If you can’t contact your giftee via tumblr, just do your best with the information you have.

What if my giftee doesn’t have anon asks on/ doesn’t respond?

If you can’t contact your giftee anonymously via tumblr, just do your best with the information you have. Most people wrote detailed applications, so this should be workable.

If giftees are feeling up to it, consider keeping anon asks open for the duration of this event so santas can make clarifications if they need to. It might mean that the gift turns out more to your personal taste.

Can the mods contact my giftee to ask things for me?

We’d love to but we can’t afford to take on the extra workload of being the go-between for everyone’s giftee questions.

You will get your giftee’s tumblr URL. Feel free to check out your giftee’s tumblr and see if they accept anon asks. Please respect their personal rules on interacting if you send asks.

Oops! Something has come up and I can’t participate!

If you have to drop out, please do it before 15 November 2019 if possible. I want to make sure every participant receives a gift.

If you have to drop out after 15 November 2019, please send me an ask. I will assign backup santas.

Please note that if you drop out or are deemed to have dropped out, you may or may not receive any gift.

Please note that if you don’t confirm participation by 27 November 2019, you are deemed to have dropped out.

Oh no, I missed the confirmation deadline (27 November 2019)! But I can confirm now though I’m late! Please please please will you still make sure I get a gift?

If you confirm late but before 15 December 2019, maybe, but at my discretion. If a replacement/ backup santa has already been assigned, likely no.

If you confirm on or after 15 December 2019, no. It’s up to luck whether you get one or not. May the odds be ever in your favour.

I don’t use tumblr much/ my tumblr is dead, but I will be contactable and post on tumblr for this event. Is that okay?

Yup! As long as you communicate and post according to the timelines, it’s okay.

How many mods are there?

Two. The older posts like this one use mostly “I”, since I started this event alone, but beacuse of the number of participants and the workload I got another person on board.

My art/ writing/ main is @codedredalert, and the second mod’s writing/ cursed/ main is @narramin.

Have you, the mods, ever run an event like this before?

Nope. I, Red, have participated in maybe two. Take that as you will.

Suggestions and advice from experienced people are welcome! I may not be able to use/ implement them in this event, but the learning is appreciated.

Are you, the mods, going to be participating as a giftee/ santa? I want a chance to get content from you/ give you things.

Awww thank you, that’s so sweet. Alas, I am just your humble mod. I’ll have my work cut out for me running the event and some major IRL things. Anyways, I'll be doing the matchups so I feel like I ought not to participate.

I’ll step in as a backup santa/ pinch hitter if necessary.

Since narramin leveled up from being a humble participant/ backup santa to moderator, she will be still participating, but due to her own request she won’t know her own santa. Needless to say, her santa will be randomised too.

Will you read/ comment on all the gift works?

I would like to, but I don’t want to make promises unless I’m sure I can keep them. I,,,,, will try.

Currently, I’m considering reblogging with functional tags first and slowly going through to add the fun comment tags later. I think I could make that work.

I would be in a better position to talk about this after applications close and the matchups and drop-outs are finalised. Thanks for your understanding.

Is this event affiliated with _____?

Nope, it’s just us, alone, in this coffin-boat built from our own hubris.

I don’t like your bad jokes and your weird western pirate talk. Can you stop?

Does Zoro have a sense of direction?

The question I wanted to ask isn’t answered here?

Thank you so much for reading the questions before asking. Please feel free to send an ask to this blog or an email to [email protected] .

#important #opsecretsanta2019

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technoskittles · 5 years

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Fanfic author asks

I didn’t get any asks regarding this but I still kinda wanna answer the questions anyway so here goes

1. What was your first fic and could you stand to reread it today?

I refuse to say what my first fic was and that should be answer enough to the second part

2. What’s your most recent fic and how far do you think you’ve come?

Most recent fic is Something Good Can Work

I think I’ve come pretty far from when I first started writing. I know there’s some things I could always be better at, but I’m way happier with the stuff I was writing 5 and 10 years ago.

WAY happier

3. In your opinion, what’s your best fic?

Oh geez that’s kind of hard because there’s a few I’m pretty proud of.

If I had to name one, it’d probably be lost & different. It’s one of my longest oneshots to date and I ended up finishing it in 2 days so...go me.

4. In your opinion and without looking at any numbers, what’s your most popular fic?

Shot in the Dark. Hands down.

5. Is there any fic that makes you super happy to reread and remember you wrote that?

Pure Feeling probably. I think it’s mostly because it’s kind of out of place for me (I don’t typically do fics involving kids so it’s a nice change of pace)

6. Is there any fic that makes you super embarrassed to reread and remember you wrote that?

A lot of my older fics from when I wrote for Teen Titans and Soul Eater. Dark times man....dark times.

7. What’s the fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

Pure Feeling absolutely. And I actually do want to finish Fall From Eden, but I wanna rewrite it (I first published it about 4 years ago and not only do I want to fix some things plot-wise to incorporate more of canon into it, but there’s a lot I’m not happy with that I want to try and fix)

I also have a sequel lined up for Shot in the Dark.

But if I had to pick one, definitely Pure Feeling. I want to be able to actually finish a multichaptered fic for once and by dammit I’m gonna do it.

8. What’s the oldest (longest since last update) fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

That would be Shot in the Dark. There were a lot of things I wanted to do with that AU and while I don’t think I’ll get to most of it, I do at least want to finish the sequel.

9. Have you ever written for a fandom without watching/reading/playing the source material?

Nope. I don’t write for things I don’t have an interest in and typically if I haven’t consumed it, I’m not interested

10. Have you ever written for a fandom without reading other fanfic for it?

A couple, yeah. I wrote a fic for Jessica Jones (although, after I did I ended up reading a couple fics for it).

Also did a couple of fics in my early years of writing for some stuff that people probably know nothing about (but if you’re curious, Princess Ai and Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl)

11. Have you ever written a fic for a concept you know someone else has done before? How did it impact your writing process or feelings after posting?

I feel like it’s hard not to? Most concepts in general have typically been done before by someone. We don’t create in a vacuum.

But if I do a concept I know I’ve seen before, I typically always try to make it my own somehow. Because since it’s been done before, others have most likely seen it, so I want to show them how mine is different. I like to push the boundaries, combine different concepts together, and really create a piece that makes it unique enough to set myself apart.

I like using general concepts and deconstructing them before reconstructing them into something new that I like and want to share. And it’s always nice after I publish it and get feedback to see that people really enjoy the stuff I write.

12. Have you ever written a fic and decided never to publish it? Why?

Oh plenty for sure. More often than not, I started writing it and got stuck and then a) took so long I lost interest or b) took so long that I forgot where I was going with it

13. What’s the biggest change between your style when you started in fandom and today?

If we’re talking about style, I think that’s a bit harder to pin down depending on what I write. But I’ve noticed that with particular oneshots I’ve become more abstract in my writing so that’s cool

14. What’s the biggest change in your taste between when you started in fandom and today?

I used to read just about anything if it had my ship when I was younger, but as I grew older I became more and more picky. Some things can turn me off a fic completely.

I also have really grown to dislike fics that are WAY to cliche and tropey. I love tropes as much as the next person, but I feel like some people just don’t do enough with it to really make it interesting. The more cliche your fic is without much else brought to it, the easier it is for me to forget it.

15. Have you ever purposefully written one fandom/fic idea over another because you knew it’d be more popular?

Nah. I don’t typically like writing things I’m not passionate about because it’s hard to hold my attention to finish it. If I write an idea, it’s because I wanted to, not because I figured it’d get me a lot of feedback.

16. Have you ever stopped writing a fic/for a fandom because it wasn’t receiving enough attention?

Not really. Like I said before, if I don’t write for it, it probably means I’m not awfully interested anymore

17. In your opinion, what’s your most overrated fic?

If we’re talking about any fics, probably one of the ones I wrote for Teen Titans in my earlier days.

But if we’re talking more recent, Talking Body. Idk. I just don’t think that fic is as interesting as I thought it was at the time but it blew the fuck up regardless

18. What’s your most underrated fic?

Hybrid. I’m mostly upset because it didn’t get as much attention as the prequel before it considering that garnered a lot of attention but...c’est la vie

19. If you had to pick one fic/scene/chapter of your work to describe your entire portfolio to a stranger, which would you pick?

Probably pillars. It’s probably one of the most interesting fics I’ve written in terms of formatting.

20. Have/Would you ever rewrite a fic? If yes, would you take the original down?

Like I mentioned before, I do want to rewrite Fall From Eden. And yes, if and when I eventually get to that, I would be replacing all the chapters currently up.

21. If someone starts kudosing and commenting your fics in a spree and has a few works of their own, would you go look through theirs?

Not typically. I appreciate the onslaught of feedback, trust me, but I prefer to parse through the fic lists of the ships of my choosing and read from there

22. Has there ever been anyone who’s made you freak out because they read your work and followed/favorited/reviewed?

Not that I can remember. I’m sure it’s happened, I just can’t remember it haha

23. What’s the nicest review you’ve ever gotten?

Oh jeez that’s a tough one I can’t remember them all.

This is one that’s stuck out though

“ You really captured what post-traumatic self-destructive behaviors feel like while staying so true to their dynamic as well as getting the characterization right to the T despite the fact that the show itself is obviously much less grim (not that it's not angsty, just far from this.) Beautifully written, the repetition and the parallels really put it all together. This piece hit home. I'll remember this one. Thank you for writing it. Thank you for sharing. “

-from as my World d[ivides]

24. What’s the meanest review you’ve ever gotten? Do you think the reviewer intended it?

I’ve gotten plenty of mean reviews but most of those are from my earlier days of writing. I can’t remember any particular ones so I also couldn’t tell you if the reviewer intended it or not

25. What constructive criticism, however well-meaning, always makes you feel bad when you see it in a review?

I wouldn’t say it makes me feel bad, but I know one review I’ve seen a couple of times is when people tell me that my writing gets too prose-y. The main reason it rubs me the wrong way is because while I’m sure they’re trying to be helpful, prose is part of my style less than the logistics and structure.

My descriptions can be a bit much sometimes I guess, but more often than not, it’s there for a reason. Whether it helps set the mood, gives insight to the characters’s thoughts/motivations/feelings that really set the story, or because I want to immerse the reader in the best way possible by painting a picture.

So it’s just annoying when people tell me to tone it down because it’s too much for them. If you don’t like prose, then read something else.

26. What aspect of your writing do you most enjoy to see praised?

My characterization. 9 times out of 10, that’s the thing I get most anxious about, so when people tell me I nail it it always makes my goddamn day

27. If you could only ever write crossovers or single-fandom fics ever again, which would you pick?

Single-fandom. Not a huge fan of crossover fics

28. if you could only ever write for a single crossover or a single fandom again, which would you pick?

Oof. That’s really tough because like I said, my interests change all the time. I typically jump from fandom to fandom and write for whatever I’m obsessed with at the time.

I guess if I had to pick though...RWBY probably.

29. Does the division of your writing across fandoms line up with your reading? What’s the biggest discrepancy?

I’d say it’s about even for what I’m interested at the time. Biggest discrepancy though would probably be....either Miraculous Ladybug or Fairy Tail.

I just don’t write much for those and read a lot so...

30. Do you continue to write for a fandom after you’ve moved on or do you focus solely on the new one?

Sometimes. Not too often. Because usually I’m so hyperfocused on the new shiny thing that most of my ideas end up being for that

31. Who’s the one character you’ve just never managed to get perfectly right?

I always worry that I do that for every character I write for haha.

I think my major concerns regarding that right now are Scorpia and Entrapta. For some reason I feel like they’re really difficult to write for.

32. Who’s the one character who shines without you even trying?

Yang probably. Maybe Adora

33. Is there any particular character whose scenes always wind up being longer/more frequent than you expected? Does the quality hold up?

I don’t think so?

34. Was there any fic that you wrote that really surprised you in the fandom reaction? Was it just by the numbers or did they take it an entirely different way?

I’d have to say as my World d[ivides] really surprised me. I really wasn’t sure how people would respond to that one given that it deals with a VERY sensitive subject and was positive I’d face a little bit of backlash. But honestly everyone actually really loved it and I got so much nice feedback from it.

35. Have you ever written a ship into a fic without meaning to?

Not usually

36. Have you ever sincerely written a ship you do not support into a fic?

Nope

37. Have you ever purposefully bashed a character/ship in a fic?

Not that I’m aware of

38. Have you ever purposefully written something you know your readers would find uncomfortable/would not enjoy? If yes, why?

I think that would probably be Sunflower. And if you’ve read that fic you know exactly what I mean.

If you haven’t read it, I won’t include spoilers, but I did explain myself at the end of it

39. Do you consider yourself to have a readership?

I think I have a few loyal readers yeah (and I love all of them)

40. Do you feel like you put out enough content?

HA!

41. If you cross-post your fics on multiple sites, do you have a favorite? Are there certain fics you would only post on certain site?

I used to crosspost when I first started on AO3 but after awhile I gave up bc I didn’t like ffnet’s set-up nearly as much. Sometimes I’ll post fics here on tumblr but I fucking HATE the formatting so...not much

42. How many views has your most popular fic gotten?

6,156 views (that would be Shot in the Dark)

43. Your least popular?

173 views - Scared to Breathe

44. Do you follow/favorite/kudos/comment/review more stories than you have received?

That’s really hard to say. I read a lot but I do have a few really popular stories so...

45. If you had to call yourself an author of a single genre (besides fanfic) what label would you give yourself?

I think my specialty is angst. You can ask most of my friends.

46. Do you consider yourself a diverse author?

I try to be. But I do think I lean towards certain areas

47. If someone you know in real life who isn’t involved in fandoms asked to read your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you recommend they read first?

Errrr...probably not? I tell people that I write fics, but I always get nervous when it comes to the thought of them actually reading them. It feels too personal somehow. Like, that’s a part of me I don’t usually let people see.

The only person who has is my boyfriend. And even then I get nervous when he does it

48. Does anyone you know from outside of fandom know you write fanfic? Are they involved in the same fandom too?

Yeah like I said, I’ve told some people. And they area typically interested in the original content, but I don’t know how involved they are in fanfiction or fandom itself

49. Has anyone in your life ever read your fanfic just because you wrote it?

My boyfriend

50. Has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? Would you say it’s entirely positive?

I would like to say it has. I’ve been writing for about 10 years now and it’s really opened up a lot of doors for me. I’ve met some really great people through fic and fandom. I’ve also grown as a writer after being at it for so long which has, strangely enough, helped me regarding essays and papers for school.

Writing is kind of just what I do now. It’s one of my only contributions to fandom, so it’s nice to know I can take part somehow in generating content.

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preppymayhem · 5 years

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5, 8, 21, 36, 40, 46, 51!

5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for?

I have never been a superly monofannish person, and I have written for a fair number of fandoms, but discounting fandoms that I was assigned for fic exchanges I have written for Gundam Wing, Fullmetal Alchemist, Escaflowne, Mighty Ducks, Inuyasha, City Hunter, Dawson’s Creek, Avatar the Last Airbender, Sailor Moon, Ouran High School Host Club, Eureka Seven, Steven King’s IT/IT (2017), V (2009) and due to my one lone Beronica Fic, I guess you can say I have technically written for Riverdale. About a month ago I orphaned a lot of my older works because they had become a bit incongruous with what I want attached to my name, so not all of those fandoms are still present on my AO3.

Fandoms that I’ve written exclusively for Yuletide as my main assignment are: Soul Eater, Diana Wynne Jones’ Archer’s Goon, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Claymore, Drive Me Crazy, and Notting Hill.

8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom?

Well this is a fun story, but it is sort of a set of factors that brought me to watch an old 90s teen soap opera in this the year of 2018/2019. I should start by saying back when I was a part of the actual target demo for teen shows I only watch Buffy and didn’t deign to watch any of those other inferior teen shows and actually counted not being a weekly viewer of Dawson’s Creek as a point of pride. (It was very much one of those “I’m not like those other girls” nonsense attitudes, oh bb!Kristen you stupid, stupid girl). I did however osmose certain things about the show because at that time, you just sort of did. So how did I go back and actually watch this show well….

The first factor was that in the back half of 2017 I had the weirdest dream, where I literally dreamed the plot of my current WIP Boy Problems for Disney’s The Mighty Ducks which I had not seen or thought of in years (God told Joan of Arc to save France, God tells me to write steamy obscure dudeslash fic, Thanks God!).

The 2nd Factor was that in like October of 2017, I watched Riverdale which I binged and then kept through to the winter finale of season 2 and then 5 months later thinking I was free (spoiler: I was not in fact free) and I started sort of following it and now I am here sort of following it week to week, but mostly mocking it while dreaming of my super gay alternative, and being increasingly annoyed with the fandom’s tendencies to make superficial comparisons to other show, a fandom trend I have always hated and that harkens back to Zutara fandom in ATLA (Zutara is not 1xr or Van/Hitomi, thanks).

And the third factor was that way back in like July or August or some time there was a clickbait article that was basically TV shows characters that should have ended up with someone else/wrong endgame pairings which I clicked mostly because I wanted to see what they wrote about the How I Met Your Mother finale (I love reading takes on the HIMYM finale, I find it fascinating) and well the clickbait article stated that Dawson/Joey should have been endgame. This intrigued me because it contradicted everything I had ever heard/osmosed about the show.

So I decided that I would watch it to draw my conclusions and to see if what I had heard was wrong (which I thought was a possibility because I don’t by my nature trust giant ship fandoms like PJo was back in the day, it’s something I still sort of keep to this day), and I was like I will mock it and at the very least I will be able to have ammo against stupid fandom comparisons and due to a shared actor, maybe pick up good screen caps for like a moodboard for The Fic that had now progressed from being a dream to a thing that actually exists.

And so I started it and as God would have it, I got invested, and now find that the Clickbait article was wrong, fandom needs to shut up Bughead/Barchie/Jeronica is not like Pacey/Joey thankyouverymuch, and I can’t use caps for a mood board because I would just cry and can’t associate anything from the show with anything else.

So that’s story about how this dumb binch got invested in Dawson’s Creek years after everyone has moved on!

21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?

No Joke, the first fanfic that I wrote down and then posted was a Sailor Moon/Gundam Wing crossover that was basically just a retelling of the story of Sailor Moon with added giant robots. If you are like “Please tell me it wasn’t Senshi/Pilots” I am afraid I can tell you that (The pairings were if I recall Heero/Serena, Duo/Amy (What?!), Wufei/Raye, Trowa/Lita (cause they were both tall) and Quatre/Mina (Oh Quatre sweetie, I’m so sorry)) I killed Mamoru, and Relena just didn’t exist because this was set more in the SM universe than the GW one so I just brought over the pilots. It was multi-chaptered and I wrote a chapter a day. I wrote five parts of it covering all 5 arcs of Sailor Moon.

Yes, I was totally better than those other girls as you can see. And no, those fics no longer exist online. In my defense I was 15 years old, I had not yet realized I was a lesbian and if I were to write that story now it would be Usagi/Relena because that story would be effing amazing.

36. What’s your favourite genre to write?

I enjoy a long slice of life romcom if I’m honest. The plotting of both my longest fics (Boy Problems and Living Arrangements) are the sort of stories that i love to write and come the easiest to me. I am also partial to quiet thematic characters beats and fics that explore characters putting things back together which if I can ever get back to 1xR as a ship that inspires me, I would love to do just a slice of life romance of them paralleling and finding their way back to each other. Also just cute romcom premises are always fun.

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

I am so off and on when it comes to prose. Like there are times where I can do it and I love it, and other times it’s a struggle and I have to fight from just making everything dialogue (I maintain confidence in my dialogue.)

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

I think both Boy Problems (Mighty Ducks) and Living Arrangements (Dawson’s Creek) are the most apparent clear examples of where I am right now as a writer, but they are longer and the fandoms aren’t super in anyone’s face. I would say of my shorter one-shots, Save the Last Dance (Gundam Wing) and Once Lost, Now Found (City Hunter) are the most emblematic of me as a writer and my approach to characterisation. I also every once again get into to hugely stylistic gen pieces that I generally feel very proud of like Creation in Nine Acts (Avatar the Last Airbender, a mock creation myth for the Avatarverse, written before Korra was a thing but was not meant as the literal creation myth anyways) and State of IT (IT a short vignette from IT’s point of view.

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

I don’t know if this a thing I love or hate, but I am tired of fandom’s missives of you MUST COMMENT/KUDOS on everything you read. Comments/kudos/likes/reblogs on fanworks (not just fic) are great, but I don’t think that anyone is obligated to do any of those things. I think what I would rather do than rant or gush is to say that I think if you are a creator try to at least find comfort in validation of respecting and loving your own work. Write for yourself first and foremost. I think when I let go of the need for validation was when I really allowed myself to grow and appreciate myself as a writer. I wasn’t worried about what other people would think but just if I can read this and enjoy it and allows me a little more time thinking and writing about characters that I love than I am good, and I post it as a sort of second thought for if I enjoy it there may be others (even if it is one other person). So I guess I would leave it at that. If you’re a reader, don’t worry if you don’t leave feedback, no one is owed it and you don’t have to give any if you don’t feel that you can. And if you are writer, I would urge you to focus and write for you first and foremost and treat any feedback as a sort of treat on top of the pride of knowing you saw something through.

#ask meme #LONG POST #I CAN BE WORDY

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carolrance · 6 years

Text

Fic Meme

Tagged by @lazarusgirl !

What is your total word count on AO3?

399,776 (across 21 fics).

How often do you write?

Rarely? Sometimes I’ll have a spurt but I don’t spend nearly as much time online or doing fannish things as I used to.

Do you have a routine for writing?

Nope. Sometimes I have a dream and then fart out a bit of a story idea. And then I just write and see what comes out.

What are your favorite tropes/pairing?

Tropes? In my me? I can’t think of any off the top of my head. I’m usually only really interested in missing scene, futurefic or canon-compliant fix-it. I want things that feel like missing parts of the real story. I can’t stand AUs of any kind. Actually, maybe that’s a lie? I can handle AUs if it’s like “the show royally fucked up so here’s a fix” even if it’s a bit wild. Mostly cos they exist technically in the same universe as the source material but take it in a slightly different direction. But when I say, AU I mean like coffee shop AUs, high school AUs, college AUs, space or alternate time period AU, genderswapping, or anything kinky or squicky. I cannot stand any of those. I’m down for bed sharing, pretend dating (sometimes), or like a reason for characters to be stuck together and work on their shit (not physically lol). So, if someone’s story summary/tags has the words AU in it, usually I give it a pass. As for pairings? Enemies to Lovers. I seem to enjoy that. Friends to lovers as well. Or enemies to friends to lovers. Ha. 5 Things or 5+1 Things are fun too. I like Angst with a Happy Ending too. Character(/Relationship) studies are aces.

Do you have a favorite fic of yours?

I usually hate everything I’ve written after a month or so. The older it is, the more I don’t like it (usually). But if I had to choose... hmm... Yikes. Hmm. 5 Things Beth Doesn't Understand and 1 Thing That She Does probably? Don’t know why. It just turned out exactly how I wanted it to. I’d also say when i picture myself happy, it’s with you simply cos I finally managed to write something short and simple and happy, and also people seem to like it (kudos:view ratio) which is surprising to me cos I didn’t think it was my strongest work. Personally, I enjoyed writing If you’re going through hell... I just find it fun to write Helen even if it’s not my best work. Like how I enjoy writing Katie in Skins. I used to be proud of Kisses For The Beast for many reasons (technical and otherwise) but now I just look at it and cry lmao.

Your fic with the most kudos?

Kisses For The Beast, my massive unfinished Doreah/Dany... monster. I wish I could finish it for all the people that have liked and commented but I hit a brick wall. I have written the shit on the other side of the wall, but I’m just stuck in between. And uninspired tbh cos I’m not really into the fandom anymore.

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

Too long. Too many ideas to fit into a cohesive piece. Verbose, purple prose, lack of brevity when it’s required. I’m shitty at editing. Can’t seem to mix dialogue and exposition in a smooth way? It’s either a block of one or the other. The use of epithets--which I’ve managed to cut down on but meh. Slow starts, even though I know stories should grab you immediately. I just can’t help it? Abrupt endings. Like, there is a lot I dislike. But also, like, I don’t get paid for this so I’m not gonna sit around and work on it for ages and ages.

Now something you do like?

... Shit. I like making the characters do what I see in my head. I hope readers see it too, and get the emotions across from the relationships. I don’t even know. There are bits and pieces I like in everything but it’s never just one type of thing.

Tag yourselves. I don’t even know who reads this blog anymore lmao.

#meme #fanfic

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turnertimeline · 6 years

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Finding Janie

Collection: Turner Family, Janie

Year: 1967

Characters: Shelagh Turner, Janie Thompson

Content Warnings: Allusions to abuse, nothing definite, nothing described

Rating: K+

Style: Prose

Summary: The first time Shelagh went to the church that Annie’s family attended, she had only wanted to scope it out and get eyes on Janie.

The second time Shelagh went to the church that Annie's family attended, she sought Janie out. Tried to make it not seem like she was looking for her though. Her opportunity came when she saw Janie go to the ladies room, and she slipped in after her. Next to the sink in the small church restroom, Shelagh handed Janie a piece of paper folded over a photograph of Annie, Daniel, and Tim.

"Jane," Shelagh keeps her voice quiet "My name is Shelagh Turner, your sister Annie is marrying my son Tim."

Janie looks at the paper and then back up at Shelagh. "She's okay?" Her voice is equally quiet.

Shelagh nods. "She is. As is your nephew Daniel."

Janie opens her mouth but no words come out right away. "My nephew?"

Shelagh can feel her heartbreak and the rage at Annie's parents growing.

"Your nephew." Shelagh points him out on the photograph. "They're both healthy and strong." Shelagh changes the subject to something inane about the church flowers when someone comes into the wash room and then turns to Janie again. "Annie wanted me to tell you they're okay. I can keep meeting you, if you like? Your parents don't have to know."

Janie looks Shelagh up and down. A small, slight woman whose nonetheless sure of herself, her shoulders straight and her head up, a kind smile (not that that's indicative of anything much). Shelagh chose sensible shoes and a sensible handbag and dug out one of her older, more conservative suit set. "Please," she replies, heart thumping almost painfully hard.

Shelagh reaches out and squeezes Janie's arm. "I should get going. I'll see you again next week?" Janie nods, "thank you." Her heart is still beating fast. Shelagh leaves the wash room and Janie stuffs the note and photograph into her own bag, knowing that she won't have a chance to read it until she's home.

George makes a comment about how long it took Janie in the bathroom, but she ignores him. Just wanting to get home and read the letter from Annie.

Janie goes straight upstairs when she gets home and into the bathroom, the only room in the house with a functional lock (apart from George's study, which she is never setting foot in) and hopes they'll take it to assume she has an upset stomach or "woman's problems" or whatever. She sits down on the toilet to read the letter and properly study the photograph.

Annie is smiling and Tim is leaning in to the photo to peer at the baby, and the little boy in their arms looks round cheeked and pink and happy. The letter is general, a little stilted - she hopes Janie is well, and she had a good birthday and Christmas, some information about Daniel; how much he weighed when he was born, his favourite things and words, gives her the wedding date.

Janie can see in the letter that Annie is nervous, and she wishes she could see her sister and hug her and meet her nephew. Tears fill her eyes as she looks at the photo longer. She misses Annie so much.

During family dinner that night, Shelagh tells Annie about seeing Janie, and that she passed on the letter.

"She seemed so frightened to take it." Shelagh tells her, worrying about the young girl.

"Our father has probably filled her head with all sorts of horrible things about me." Annie sighs.

"But she wants to continue hearing from you. And that's a start."

Annie is so relieved that Janie wants to keep hearing from her. When they finish dinner Annie goes up to her room and curls up, trying to think of something to write back to her with little information. Eventually she settles for telling a story about something Danny did the day before that made her laugh, a little bit about how Tim's studies are going, the practice and clinic.

Shelagh writes Janie her own letter before she goes to bed, gives the young girl their home number and address and the bus route to Poplar from the church. Just in case.

Janie,

I can't tell you how much I have missed you. Thank you for not sending Shelagh back with my letter, when I gave it to her, I wasn't sure if you even wanted to hear from me. Now that I have the chance, I don't even know what to tell you.

Daniel just hit nine months, he's trying to crawl and almost has it down, but more often than not he ends up scooting backwards instead of forward. I wish you could meet him. He truly is the light of my life. And Tim, I wouldn't be here without him.

I don't want to make this too long, I know you'll have to hide it. I'll send more each week with Shelagh. And photos. Tim loves taking photographs and Danny is such a little ham.

~Annie

The letter makes Janie cry, trying to keep quiet in the toilet and then later on, when she's in her bedroom and trying not to let anyone hear her sobs. She writes back to her, on whatever scrap of paper she could find, torn out of one of her notebooks, a bit of a mess because she's too scared to turn on the light and is using the street light outside.

Hello Annie I am glad you hear you're safe. I have missed you too, of course I wouldn't send Mrs Turner away. I have put the picture somewhere very safe.

I hope I get to see him crawl one day. I hope Tim is as kind as he looks in the photographs. I don't remember him very much but he seemed nice. I would like to see more photographs.

Janie.

Their notes continue back and forth, each week getting longer, more details being shared. Annie plans Daniel's first birthday party for a Sunday and Shelagh invites Janie to her home for lunch. Ruth and George are thrilled that such a nice lady from the church has taken an interest in Janie. They allow her to go and just ask that she's home in time for dinner.

Patrick comes one week. Shelagh is busy Called out to attend as an emergency, they need another midwife. And Shelagh wanted to make sure that Janie would get her letter and photos. So she asked Patrick to go in her stead. Patrick feels so awkward at church things but he hangs out in the back and Janie recognizes him from pictures. He doesn't say anything to her directly but shakes the hymnal at her knowingly like and sticks Annie's letter in it.

From afar, their parents think it's wonderful that this lady from the church is taking her under her wing, even if she doesn't come to church every week. This very well dressed, well spoken, educated woman. Perhaps she is still trying to settle with a parish? There are worse sins. They don't know she's a nun who got charmed out of her habit. Shelagh would tell them and cherish the look on their faces but this is more important than a momentary thrill.

#ctm #call the midwife #narrative: prose #narrative: turner family #narrative: Janie #1967

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