#in order to find a way to restore steve's physical body

[scariusaquarius]

rehab. 17.

Avenger! Bucky Barnes x Winter Soldier! Fem! Reader

Summary: While on a mission to find any more possible super soldiers that were a part of the Winter Soldier program, Steve and Bucky make a discovery in an abandoned HYDRA base that was cleared out a few years prior to their mission. They discover the Reader, a long-forgotten soldier that was still asleep within a functioning cryostasis pod; still awaiting orders. While Bucky isn't happy about it, he is put up to the challenge of helping to rehabilitate the soldier in Wakanda where she may be able to become a person again.

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A/n: This one is pretty long rip but I hope that you guys like it! It was a bit hard to keep everyone in character, so I'm SO SORRY if anybody is OOC *sobs* Also, if you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee! If you would prefer to read Rehab on Archive, you may do so right HERE!

This is an au where Bucky joined the avengers but still rehabilitated in Wakanda (sometime before Infinity War [canon divergent cause NOPE]). I am NOT fluent in Russian, so I did use google translate cause I couldn't find a good translator that I trusted. If anything is wrong, PLEASE let me know!! Also, I tried to list as many warnings as possible so you know what the story will contain as chapters are posted. Stay safe!

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Genre: Slowburn, Enemies to Lovers/Friends to Lovers, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Humor, Drama, Dark Content Rated: Explicit Warning: Angst, Dark Content: Graphic Depictions of Sexual Assault, Blood and Gore, Mentions of Manipulation, Kidnapping, Canon-Typical Violence, Body Horror, Nonconsensual Body Modification/Scarring, Emotional and Physical Abuse, Mentions of Murder, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts/Ideation, Graphic Depictions of Human Remains, Mentions of Sexual Coercion/Manipulation, Death, Misuse of Drugs/Forced Drugging, Self-Harm (Graphic Depictions and Mentions), Nightmares

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Author: ScariusAquarius

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rehab masterlist. chapter 14 / chapter 15 / chapter 16

The Avengers were all gathered in the lab once again, Tony holding his arms across his chest as Shuri carefully worked to fully restore and show the contents of the floppy disk. Clint was frowning, a frustrated gleam within his eyes, and he looked at Tony, asking.

"What are we going to do about the Director? We don't have any evidence to show that he's harboring or working with Rollins and HYDRA."

Thor made a face, asking as he gestured to the floppy disk wildly and without a care.

"Wouldn't this strange little...thing...answer that for us?"

Steve shook his head, his shoulders squared and tensed as Shuri's brow furrowed in frustrated concentration as she continued to work.

"Not necessarily. HYDRA has always valued their secrecy and ability to work behind-the-scenes. If this disk has information freely within it...it could be another decoy or a way to skew the details. The best thing might be to visit the Director again."

Wanda shook her head, raising a hand.

"That would be unwise. With the possibility of someone being on the inside, we must protect (Y/n) at all costs. If Rollins, or HYDRA, gets their hands on her, then everything we have done would have been for nothing. We also need to think about Bucky."

Tony's face darkened slightly at the mention, the woman's pleas echoing in his mind, and the man couldn't help but to snap, making everyone in the room look at him with surprise.

"You know, I'm starting to really struggle with understanding why we are helping him. Have you looked at the tapes, Rogers? Have you listened to that woman beg for him not to hurt her?"

Steve became offended, asking Tony with a furrowed brow as his arms uncrossed.

"What are you saying, Stark?"

"I'm saying that maybe having Barnes with her is a bad idea....that having Barnes with us is a bad idea."

Before Steve could respond, Bruce stepped forward, clasping his hands together almost nervously as he replied.

"Tony, Bucky has been making incredible progress since being in Wakanda and with us. I know that it doesn't change the past-"

"-You're damn right it doesn't."

Tony snapped, and Steve clenched his jaw. Shuri huffed and smacked her hands down on the table, making Tony glance at her as she narrowed her gaze at Tony.

"Mr. Stark, I understand your hatred. From the bottom of my heart. However, Isithunzi's trauma is not because of James. We do not even know what role he played when he was still with HYDRA when it comes to her. What happened was not because of Barnes, but because of HYDRA. James is a new man now...free from HYDRA, and he is just as scared as she is. Do you honestly believe James wanted to kill your parents?"

The room became quiet, and Clint's eyes widened slightly as he looked at the ground and shrugged, quietly mumbling.

"Damn, straight for the heart."

Shuri stood up, pointing at Tony with a glare.

"You should understand as a scientist that facts must come before anything else, and the fact of the matter is that these people were taken against their will, tortured, assaulted, maimed, and sexually abused to the point where compliance was their only way to survive. Will you truly hold that against them when they had no choice? Barnes wasn't even Barnes that night your parents were assassinated. Please, find it in yourself to make amends with that fact instead of allowing your emotions to skew the priority and the truth."

Tony looked distraught for a moment, unsure of what to think or feel, but the conversation was cut when Shuri's tablet made a noise to alert the group that her restoration of the floppy disk was complete. Immediately, Shuri pulled up the contents onto a hologram and enlarged it so everyone in the room had a look.

Sam Wilson frowned as he walked a bit closer to the screen, stating.

"Project Achilles, founded in 1975 and run by Serge Karpov, Robert (L/n), and under guidance of Armin Zola."

Steve frowned deeply, shaking his head.

"Karpov...Serge must have been Vasily's father."

Vision hummed, stating.

"Vasily Karpov was one of the men responsible for furthering the expansion of the Winter Soldier Program...and the one to give Sergeant Barnes the orders to kill Mr. and Mrs. Stark."

Steve glanced at Tony, and the man couldn't help but to sigh slightly as he watched Tony stare out the window, gripping the railing as he stared out at Wakanda. Sam continued on reading, the tension in the room rising.

"Project Achilles is an operation to regime change. They were using selected Winter Soldier's, like Bucky, to alter political outcomes by assassinating key figures from around the world, like the JFK assassination."

"So, for the last 50 years, every major political event that's happened...were because of HYDRA?"

Clint frowned deeply, shaking his head slightly as he seemed to become confused, and Wanda hummed.

"You have to remember that HYDRA has been involved with politics since the beginning."

She laughed humorlessly, adding on.

"They were born from war...and we know that Alexander Pierce wanted complete control of...well, everything. Perhaps, (Y/n) was the last resort that they had. All of the other Winter Soldier's were killed thanks to Zemo, so that leaves the question of why she's the only other remaining soldier?"

Tony suddenly piped up, making everyone turn to him as the man spoke.

"HYDRA knew that they were going to get found out and hunted at some point. So, why not let everyone believe that the rest of the Winter Soldier's were dead? I mean, they must have known that someone or something was going to come for the rest of the soldiers, right? So why not keep one for the shadows?"

Thor asked, tilting his head slightly.

"So, they used the deaths of these other soldier's to their advantage to uphold secrecy and to continue their work? It sounds as though they wanted us to find this woman."

Steve frowned deeply, and nodded in agreement.

"I don't think they thought that we would be able to break her free of the programming...repeated activation, the microchip...they probably wanted us to find her so that they could reactivate her and have her work from the inside."

Sam rubbed his hands together, muttering.

"If so, that gives us a bigger problem. I'm not trying to discredit your work, your highness, but given the facts, do you really think her programming has been completely removed?"

Shuri rubbed her temples.

"Americans and their doubts. Yes, I do believe her programming is completely gone. Thanks to the AI that I used to help Barnes, I was able to fine-tune and improve it enough that even through the repeated attempts, I was still able to disrupt the activation and recalibrations."

Shuri then sighed, turning to Sam with a rueful expression.

"What we are left with now is a woman who is free to make her own choices...it just depends on if she makes the right one. Even without the programming, there is still a chance that she will believe that her true calling is with HYDRA. It's all that she has ever known for the last 31 years after all."

Wanda then offered, shrugging.

"If it will help, I can possibly look into her mind and try to awaken that old part of her...the one with the most reason...so that she may understand that HYDRA is not her true calling."

Vision immediately shook his head.

"No. In doing so, you risk the possibility of sending this woman into a complete breakdown. She will not understand...she must remember on her own just as Sergeant Barnes did."

Thor then stretched, yawning slightly.

"Well, even without forceful persuasion, we still have bugs that need squashed. I say let these people come! This woman will lead these vile beasts straight to us, and when she does, we can cut their heads off once and for all."

"What about Bucky?"

Steve questioned, and Tony scoffed.

"Please, is that all you can think about? I think Barnes can handle himself. It'll be like a big family reunion."

Steve snapped his head to Tony, snapping.

"Tony, that's enough."

Tony laughed incredulously.

"What, did I say something wrong?"

Before Steve could retort, T'Challa walked in with an annoyed expression.

"What is all of this fighting about? We have much more pressing matters than your petty squabbles. We have no new information about this possible mole. I have the best of the best working with me on this, and there has been no sign of any intrusion as of yet. Mr. Parker has been patrolling the area and has not reported anything either. I believe that for now, we must work under the impression that a move has not been made yet and to remain diligent."

The room became quiet until one of the Dora Milaje came speeding in, whispering within the King's ear, and the man squared his shoulders with a deep frown.

"Please enlighten me on why Barnes would wake this woman up?"

Shuri purposefully kept her gaze on her screen while Tony and Steve both looked surprised and irate.

"He did what?"

"I'm sure that he has his reasons."

Tony opened his mouth to begin chastising and arguing, but was cut short by Thor's excited exclamation.

"Yes! This means that I can meet this warrior and see if she truly as wonderful of a fighter as everyone has made her out to be!"

Bruce looked uncomfortable, shaking his head.

"Uh, Thor, I don't think that it a good idea."

"Well, why not? Surely it would be fair for me to know who it is that I am fighting for, is it not?"

Wanda couldn't help but to smirk slightly, shaking her head.

"It is fair, but she's not in a stable mindset to be able to meet you. Perhaps, however, I can introduce you in a different way?"

Her eyes and hand lit up in red, and Thor's grin was wiped completely off of his face.

"I would rather not have a witch within my mind, but the offer is...appreciated nonetheless."

Clint snorted, and T'Challa rubbed his temples.

"Mr. Rogers, I am truly hoping that your friend understands what he is doing."

Steve replied without missing a beat.

"I trust Bucky...he wouldn't do this if he didn't have a good reason."

Tony rolled his eyes and muttered.

"We're all gonna die."

-READER-

There were aches and pains all throughout her body, making her muscles spasm and twitch painfully as the woman slowly woke up. She was aware of an almost sickly-sweet scent coming from all around her, and when she opened her eyes, the fire-lit room filled with strange plants made her become confused and anxious.

The Fist of HYDRA was standing before her, waiting for her to wake up, and instantly, her body tensed. Was it time for her to be punished? Had the Fist finally expended his patience? The man could tell that she was becoming nervous, and he lifted his hands in mock-surrender, stating gently.

"I'm not going to hurt you...you're safe."

Lies. There was no such thing as safety in war.

The woman was deathly still, afraid to move or to even breathe, and she clenched her jaw as she looked upon the Fist of HYDRA. Her brain was foggy, distant voices and images flashing through her mind, and she could feel the panic swelling within her chest.

A good soldier feels nothing but the need to complete her mission.

But what was her mission? The woman was distraught, unable to remember what her mission was supposed to be, and the Fist said to her gently.

"It's okay. I'm not here to hurt you or punish you, okay?"

The woman looked uncomfortable, carefully sliding down to the floor as she cowered slightly. Her voice was stolen by her fear and confusion, eyes darting around the room as she looked for an exit, but the only exit the woman could find was behind the Fist of HYDRA. The Fist knelt down in front of her, making her breathing quicken and her head to begin hurting again, and the man paused.

"Do you remember anything?"

Her brain was still foggy, recent memories only blimps and flashes within her mind, but the woman was able to piece together the events that occurred right before she was put back under. Her voice was quiet, shaky and unsteady, as she spoke.

"Where...where is the woman?"

Bucky hummed gently.

"She's upstairs with my...friends. There's been...some trouble happening, but they're getting to the bottom of it."

"The boy?"

Bucky couldn't help but to chuckle a bit.

"He's on his way."

She became unnerved, the quiet of the room getting to her, and she blurted out.

"What is happening?"

Bucky looked confused for a moment, tilting his head as he asked her quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"My head...these images...people...these voices...I keep hearing them and they won't go away. I...I keep hearing them scream...begging and ordering...the sounds of...of dying. It hurts to hear them, but I don't understand."

She glanced down at her hands with acute horror, her scars like lights that were shining too brightly for her to stand, and an image of blood upon them made her jolt and quickly shut her eyes. The woman dug her nails into her head, her hands shaking ass he squeezed her eyes shut, and she began to quietly cry.

"I...I must be recalibrated...I...I need to be reprogrammed. I am faulty."

She curled in on herself, and though the Fist did not dare to take a step towards her, she could not help but await the punishment. When the Fist stayed quiet, the woman sobbed.

"Why won't you punish me?"

Bucky looked disturbed, saying to her in a firm voice.

"Because you don't need to be punished. You're no longer with HYDRA, (Y/n). Don't you understand? You're free from them...just like I am. Look at me."

At first, the woman did not respond, keeping her head tucked into her knees and trying to stifle her sobs the best she could. Bucky gave a sigh of resignation, but before the Russian could slip from his tongue, a hand on his shoulder made the man jolt. Peter was standing above him with a sheepish look on his face.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. Do you...do you think that I could try?"

Bucky looked apprehensive before muttering.

"Sure, but try not to set her off. Tony's gonna kill me when he finds out I called you here."

Peter shrugged.

"I appreciate Mr. Stark a lot...and admire him...but I think this is more important...and he'll understand."

Bucky huffed.

"Or try to have me imprisoned...again."

Peter looked sheepish again before he knelt down to the ground near the woman. His voice was shaky, nervous, but Peter made an effort to steady himself as he spoke.

"Um, Miss?"

The woman couldn't help but to peek over her knees at Peter, confused and startled by his appearance. Peter gave the woman a friendly smile before he introduced himself.

"I don't know if you remember me, but my name is Peter Parker. I'm a friend. I wanted to formally apologize for...for earlier. I shouldn't have pushed you like that."

The woman furrowed her brow in confusion before memories of the incident before began to flood her mind. Her head began to hurt again, and she looked away from him, clutching her head and shaking it slightly. The woman was unsure of how to respond.

Nobody had ever apologized to her unless it was to beg for their life.

'Please! Please, I'm sorry! I'll have the product ready for Rollins by tonight! I swear!'

Gunshots. Choking on blood. The stench of death. The feeling of the gun clutched tightly within her hands.

The woman's eyes shot open, her breathing erratic, and she could hear the Fist of HYDRA whispering to Peter to 'give her a moment'. A moment for what? Bucky asked her gently, making Peter give him an incredulous look.

"Would you like to come with me for a moment?"

This was it. She was finally going to be repaired. No longer would these strange images and voices haunt her...she could have peace and quiet again. The woman looked to Bucky, asking.

"I..am being repaired?"

Bucky shook his head.

"No. You're not being erased nor recalibrated. I wanted you to take a walk with me."

A walk? Usually that meant she was being punished. A guise of safety only to lure her into the lion's den...to be torn apart and sewed back together while her Handler fed upon her innards and flesh.

The image of the man forcing her mouth open to accommodate him made her sick to her stomach, and she whimpered as she gagged slightly. Peter looked perturbed, and he asked Bucky quietly.

"Do you...think she's remembering something?"

"It's more than likely. Just...wait a moment."

Her heart was racing, pumping within her chest a mile a minute, and she was finding it hard to breathe. Her body began to grow cold, and the feeling of frost invading her ears and nose made her sob out in panic.

However, the sudden feeling of something warm against her arm made the soldier jolt and spin her gaze to look at Peter, who was gently holding her arm with a concerned expression on his face. The Fist looked surprised and worried, his fists clenched and ready for a fight, but Peter was comfortable. As a sign of good faith, he crossed his legs and relaxed, saying gently.

"It's okay. Whatever it is that you're seeing...it's not going to happen to you again. You're safe here."

Surprisingly, his warmth was grounding, and the cold feeling began to go away. The woman wasn't sure why, but there was a part of her that was calming down; her mind slowly and heart gradually coming to an even beat, and she glanced at the Fist. His expression softened slightly despite the apprehension within his body language, and she whispered brokenly.

"Why won't you repair me?"

The Fist pursed his lips before he glanced down at the ground, saying gently as he tried to stave away the feeling of being punched in his gut.

"Because you're not broken...you're not a machine that needs to be repaired, (Y/n)."

The woman shook her head, silent tears rolling down her cheeks as she insisted.

"I am a weapon. I....I am a machine. I was programmed and designed....and I am flawed. I must be repaired."

Bucky shook his head, stating firmly enough that her words died within her throat.

"You are not a weapon anymore."

His voice, though low, was firm and insistent as he continued on.

"That's what HYDRA made you believe-what they made me believe...that if we began to remember, to refuse and act out, that we were broken and needed to be repaired. Feeling things that weren't acceptable, remembering who we were before HYDRA, believing in other ideals...it meant that we were malfunctioning because we weren't allowed to be anything but a puppet for their use."

Bucky shifted a bit closer as Peter watched and listened with melancholic awe, his eyes growing a bit sad as he glanced between Bucky and (Y/n).

"But that pain that you're feeling? The panic, the confusion...those memories that you're remembering, the voices...it means that you're still you...that the pretty woman is in there trying so hard to get out...because you belong to her, not HYDRA."

The woman wasn't sure how to respond. An image of the pretty woman came to her mind, and though her psyche wanted her to believe that the Fist was feeding her lies...there was a strange part of her that believed him.

And that terrified her more than anything else.

"I...belong to me?"

The concept of self-ownership was foreign to the woman. For many years, she was told and reinforced that her autonomy didn't exist. Her whole entire life, her way of being, her choices and ideals...they were all in the name of HYDRA. She was born into HYDRA, and she was meant to die with HYDRA.

All of this talk of freedom and autonomy made the woman scared. She shook her head, her walls slowly coming up again.

"No...No, that's not true. I...I belong to HYDRA. My existence is for HYDRA. I...I am free within HYDRA..."

But her words were unsure, shaky and confused, and she began to cry again.

"I...I'm with HYDRA..."

The statement was ended with a questioning tone to her voice, and though she did not see it, she knew that the men were sharing a look together. Their silence unnerved her, and Peter whispered gently.

"You don't have to be with HYDRA anymore...they're really mean people that don't care about anybody but themselves. They took that pretty woman with no right...made her into a weapon...made her into something she never wanted to be."

Bucky added, making Peter nod a bit as the woman glanced at the Fist of HYDRA.

"That's why you were so hard to program and create. That woman inside of you...she didn't want this...and she still doesn't...and you have the freedom to make that choice now."

The freedom of choice. Freedom. The woman knew what the word meant...but was it truly meant for her? The woman looked away before whispering softly.

"I don't know what that means."

Bucky took a moment before he urged gently.

"It means that you, yourself, can make the choice to stay with HYDRA and endure many more years of torture and abuse...or you can stay with us and be who you want to be and not who HYDRA is trying to make you be."

Bucky let out a small laugh, whispering.

"Look at me...I was the original Winter Soldier...and yet...yet here I am...James Buchanan Barnes...free from HYDRA and doing the best I can to be the person I can someday say that I'm proud to be."

The woman slowly looked at him, asking shakily.

"What if they come back?"

Peter and Bucky shared a look together before Bucky took a deep breath, muttering to himself.

"Please don't let this backfire on me."

Bucky then looked at the soldier again, saying gently.

"They are. HYDRA is coming for you...possibly for me too. They don't want you to be free...they don't care about anything but making you their weapon again...but you don't have to be that anymore."

Bucky slowly and cautiously took out a picture from within his pocket, watching the way the woman tensed and her eyes widened with panic, and he paused before sliding it to the woman. The soldier glanced down and stared at the picture of the pretty woman, a strange feeling filling her chest and forcing the muscles to tighten as Bucky spoke softly.

"You can be the pretty woman again...just different."

Carefully, (Y/n) (L/n) grabbed the picture and clutched it within her hands as she looked down at the woman, a sense of admiration filling her as she looked at the picture. She admired the bright smile, the light within the woman's eyes, the way her skin was perfect and unmarred, and a sudden voice within her head spoke.

'(Y/n), I want you to always remember this, alright? Sit close and listen.'

'What is it, Mommy?'

'Hush, now, I'm about to tell you. Even if you find yourself walkin’ through the dark, sweetheart… don’t let it convince you that’s where you’re meant to stay. The darkness and mean people can strip a gal of just about everything, but they can’t touch your heart nor your soul, honey. That part’s yours to keep—and it will always find its way back home."

A giggle, and a shushing noise.

"And, honey, if the world ever tries to make a weapon outta you, you make ‘em sorry they ever laid hands on you in the first place."

"And punch their lights out like Captain America?!"

"You're absolutely right, darling! Now, how about a bedtime story?"

The woman wept softly, clutching the picture to her chest, and she sniffled, shaking her head slightly. The words began to echo within her mind, reverbing against the shattering walls as her heart began to swell.

'It will always find its way back home.'

I don't want to be this anymore. I want to go home.

The woman looked at Bucky, whispering brokenly.

"I want to go home."

And though Bucky's heart shattered at the broken tone within her voice, the sadness that shadowed her face...Bucky couldn't help but to feel happy that (Y/n) was finally coming home.

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STORY NOTES: The scene opens to all of the Avengers in Shuri's lab once again. Shuri is currently working on restoring the floppy disk that Tony recovered during his mission while the Avengers are ruminating over the situation at hand. Clint questions on what to do about the Director of the CIA while not having any evidence to accuse him with, and Thor questions if the floppy will answer that for them. Steve, however, refutes the statement by pointing out that HYDRA values secrecy above all and if the floppy has the possibility of being another decoy, then the best course would be to confront the Director directly.

Wanda refutes this, stating that the focus must be on protecting the soldier and Bucky from HYDRA at all costs, and that speaking with the Director might alert HYDRA. Tony becomes upset, his emotions boiling over as he questions whether Bucky is worth the trouble anymore and that Bucky being around (Y/n) is a bad idea. This sparks tension and though Bruce Banners tries to mitigate, Tony is too angry to reason. Shuri finally speaks up, pointing out that (Y/n)'s trauma is not directly because of Bucky, and Bucky's actions are not because of his own freewill. She makes it a point to tell Tony that as a scientist, he should know to look at the facts first before allowing his emotions to skew his reasoning.

Before Tony can respond, the floppy disk has been fully restored and the files are able to be seen. Sam Wilson begins to read through the files. We discover that Project Achilles was an operation that was founded by Robert (L/n), Vasily Karpov's father, and guided by Armin Zola through his supercomputer. Vision explains that Vasily Karpov was one of the main Handlers for the Winter Soldier Program and the one who gave Bucky the order to kill Tony's parents. Project Achilles is an operation about timeline control, using the Winter Soldier's to facilitate political outcomes and was the main project behind many of the main political happenstances within the last 50 years. Although not directly stated, it eludes that (Y/n) (L/n) was a safeguard and would operate under complete and utter secrecy in the case that HYDRA is found out and investigated further.

Wanda crafts a theory that (Y/n) was the last resort for HYDRA and was kept hidden even from Helmut Zemo, who had infiltrated and killed the remaining Winter Soldiers within the program. Tony then makes the connection that HYDRA knew about their possible downfall, and that using the deaths of the rest of the Winter Soldiers was the perfect cover to keep (Y/n) active under the guise that all the soldiers were dead. Thor then says that it sounds as though HYDRA wanted (Y/n) to be found. Steve agrees, musing that HYDRA probably did not anticipate on her programming being disabled and deleted, and that they wanted to quietly reactivate her for her to work from the inside as a double-agent.

Sam then questions the effectiveness of Shuri's deprogramming, and Shuri reassures everyone that (Y/n) is completely free from HYDRA. However, due to HYDRA being all that (Y/n) has known, it will be up to her to make the choice to join the Avengers or to go back to HYDRA. T'Challa then enters after a small spat between Tony and Steve, and he informs the Avengers that there has been no attempts of infiltrations nor double agents within Wakanda. He motions for the Avengers to begin working under the guise that an infiltration has not occurred and to work on prevention. Suddenly, the Dora Milaje that was with Bucky comes to tell T'Challa that Bucky has awakened the woman, and both Tony and Steve are surprised and angry. Thor, however, is able to distract Tony and Steve by his excitement to finally meet (Y/n), but is refuted by Wanda explaining that (Y/n) is not stable enough to be meeting other people. She offers to introduce Thor by using telepathy, but Thor is uncomfortable and refuses the idea.

The point-of-view changes to (Y/n), who is now coming-to after being defrosted. When she sees Bucky, however, (Y/n) is instantly anxious, believing that she was finally about to be punished. However, Bucky tries to connect with her, reassuring her that he is not going to hurt her, though (Y/n) does not initially believe him. After an attempt to ask her if she remembered anything, (Y/n) instead inquires about Shuri and Peter, which Bucky replies are upstairs and Peter is on his way to them. (Y/n) then becomes distraught, telling Bucky that she keeps hearing voices within her mind, of death, and after a brief hallucination, she begins to tell Bucky that she needs to be reprogrammed. When Bucky makes no move, she begins to cry, asking Bucky why he won't punish her. Bucky tells (Y/n) that she doesn't need to be punished because she is a free woman.

Peter enters, and though Bucky is initially apprehensive, Peter is determined to make a connection with the woman. He apologizes for pushing her within their first meeting, but his apology makes (Y/n) spiral as a flashback of a previous victim goes through her mind. Bucky, instead, tries to coax (Y/n) by asking her if she would like to take a walk with him, and (Y/n) asks if she is finally being repaired. Bucky tells her no, and that he just wanted her to take a walk with him, but his wording makes (Y/n) remember that when her Handler would tell her to 'take a walk,' it meant that she was being punished. She suddenly remembers Rollins sexually assaulting her, and she becomes sick.

As she begins to panic, Peter makes physical contact by placing his hand on her arm, and the warmth of his hand is enough to ground (Y/n). He reassures her that whatever she is remembering will never happen to her again, and (Y/n) inquires why they won't repair her. Bucky tells her that she doesn't need to be repaired and that she isn't a weapon anymore. He explains that all of these foreign emotions, the memories, voices, etc, means that (Y/n) is still herself. (Y/n) becomes alarmed by the idea of self-autonomy, and tries to restate that she belongs to HYDRA and she only exists for HYDRA, but she is now unsure. Peter reassures (Y/n) that she doesn't have to be with HYDRA anymore, and Bucky adds that the reason she was so difficult to program was because the real (Y/n) was still inside of her and fighting. Bucky tells her that she has the freedom of choice, and when (Y/n) questions what he means, Bucky states that she can make the choice to stay or leave HYDRA. (Y/n) questions on the return of HYDRA, and Bucky lets (Y/n) know that HYDRA is currently hunting her at this moment of time, but reassures her that she doesn't have to obey them anymore.

Bucky tells (Y/n) that she can be 'that pretty woman again, just different' and gives her the picture of herself from when she was still within the CIA. (Y/n) then has an auditory flashback of a conversation between her and her mother from when she was young. Her mother states that even if she walks within darkness, she does not belong to it; that her heart and soul are hers to keep and she'll always find her way home; and if anybody tries to make her into a weapon, she fights back. The auditory flashback ends, and (Y/n) has a unique thought. She then tells Bucky that she wants to go home, and Bucky is happy that the real (Y/n) (L/n) has finally made an appearance. End Scene.

TRANSLATIONS:

Isithunzi - Xhosa for shadow/shade, the Soldiers nickname

TAGLIST: @tilldeathripsusapart @vicmc624 @mgchaser @aash3 @samfunko @seventeen-x @valckenaux @babybeeelle @sc4rrc @cjand10 @bane-y-zane

[in-a-cave-with]

a list of fic ideas that i constantly think about all the time yet have neither the time nor skill to actually write them (from least to most absolutely off the shits ridiculous):

being framed for murder isnt all that great mr stark: (mcu) just as the title might imply, it entails spider-man being accused of the murder of general ross. peter then starts receiving messages from the actual murderer telling him that they’re holding his aunt hostage and that if he wants to get her back safe he has to follow their orders in order to carry out their next devious plan. peter plays along to track down the killer, undermine their plan, and prove his innocence. tony tracks down peter to get answers about this extremely worrying situation (as peter taking matters into his own hands and going off the radar makes him look 300% more guilty in the government’s eyes). 

my friend the ghost of captain america: (616) it turns out director stark's hallucinations of the recently dead steve rogers aren’t all hallucinations, because occasionally they’re actually the semi corporeal form of the actual steve rogers, who managed to free himself from the effect of the time bullets somewhat! emphasis on somewhat. follow tony and ghost steve as they try to turn steve back to normal while disagreeing on basically everything how to go about doing it. oh, and also extremis is slowly killing tony after it started malfunctioning from the fight with the mandarin (he’s not going to tell anyone this though)

hearts of kyber: (mcu-aligned, star wars au) tony stark (former imperial engineer turned empire’s most wanted after he sabotaged the early death star plans) runs into peter parker (former jedi padawan turned bounty hunter turned rogue after order 66) on a planet colonized by kree soldiers. they manage to escape the planet together and are picked up by nick fury (who is really mace windu with a prosthetic hand and eye also on the run from the empire). he eventually recruits them for his squad of rebels, nicknamed the avengers. together they carry out various missions for the official rebel alliance, and discover hidden plans from a secret sect of the empire’s engineering division for something called “UL-TRON”

space-dust crusaders: (616-aligned, jojo au but set mostly in space) after a fight with an enemy stand user [axis], tony stark (alter ego iron man) now has an evil double from another dimension named Superior who uses his own stand power [extremis 3.0] to give tony a disease that reaches fatality within 50 days (as he tells tony in a dramatic evil monologue). after the rest of the avengers (a team of stand wielding superheroes) manage to chase him off of earth superior fucks off to a far off planet and sets up a base there with the ultimate goal of taking over the galaxy, recruiting multiple stand users to help his cause. after finding out about tony’s predicament a couple of tony’s friends on the avengers team board a spaceship to find said planet that superior fucked off to and kill him to get rid of the sickness, but what they DON’T know is that tony has managed to tag along for the ride with every intent to bring down his evil double himself

[soundtrack-scribe]

Phantom Pain

Summary: Trauma bonding turns into a full blown crush with Bucky

Word Count: 2.9k

And away, and away we go!

__

You heard the startled gasps behind you as you lowered your body before pulling yourself up on the pull up bar again. “Yes?” you questioned, repeating another rep.

“I-I-I-” a teenage boy's voice stuttered. “Mr. Stark!” he yelled in slight panic.

You sighed, letting go of the bar and landing on your feet. “Yes?” you repeated, turning to face the lanky teenager with his mop of brown hair, and his companion, a girl a few years older, stifling giggles into her hands, both of their cheeks flushed. “Oh,” you said in realization. “You must be Peter. Uh, Tony’s in the lab, I think.”

Peter nodded mutely, before quickly dashing out of the training room, leaving you face to face with the young woman. “Gay,” you said simply. “And I think Vision’s with Tony.”

Her blush deepened, as she too, hightailed it out of the room with a muttered “Tony has a brother?”

You chuckled quietly to yourself. Of course your brother wouldn’t have told his newest members about you. Something about it not being vital information, and liking the shock value of it.

“And this is the training room,” a voice you did recognize said as Steve came into your line of sight, a man matching his stature trailing behind him silently. “Oh, hey, Stark.”

“Capsicle,” you greeted with a salute.

“Stark?” the other man asked in confusion. “I thought-”

“Fortunately there’s two of us,” you corrected. “Or unfortunately, depending on your opinion of Starks in general. Y/N,” you introduced yourself, offering out your hand.

“Bucky,” the man said, shaking your hand.

“Nightmares, again?” Steve asked you, his eyes glancing about the room.

“Sometimes you frighten me with how observant you are, Rogers,” you said grimly.

“Nightmares?” Bucky questioned, intrigue painting the features of his perfectly sculpted face.

“An unfortunate lingering side effect of my time in the Army, yeah,” you explained. “Something I’m sure you can relate to,” you added with a pointed glance at Bucky’s left arm which was completely metal, your mind already curious to how it worked, and how to make it better. “Working out helps. Something about physical exertion canceling out mental exertion.”

“Well, I might have to join you some time. See if your theory holds up.”

You held out your arms, gesturing about the giant training room. “Feel free. Everything here is open 24/7 to accommodate the mad geniuses and PTSD freaks.”

“And which one are you?” Bucky asked. And you knew it was a stupid question given what little information you had already provided him with. But you could also recognize a flirting edge when you heard one.

“I feel like the answer’s obvious. But, in the event that it’s not, I’m both. Pleasure to meet you, Bucky. And welcome to Avengers headquarters.”

~~~

A couple nights later, you were in the lab tinkering about, when you saw Bucky walk by in gym shorts and a tank top, his hair pulled back in a small bun. “Can’t sleep, huh?” you called out.

His body tensed as he whirled around, relaxing when he saw it was you. “Yeah. Thought I’d try out your theory.”

“It’s a good theory,” you assured, before refocusing on what you’d been working on.

“You have a lot of faith in a theory I’ve yet to test for myself,” Bucky said, stepping into the lab with you.

“I don’t do faith. I do facts,” you replied bluntly.

“Mmm, then how do you know it’s a good theory?”

“A good theory isn't whether it’s proven to be correct or not. A good theory is about being able to be repeated and replicated. Tested multiple times over and over. My theory just also happens to be correct.”

“Wow, you are a Stark.”

“I’m not an idiot, is what you mean. But rest assured I don’t have the same level of arrogance my brother inherited from our father. Or at least, I like to believe I don’t. But, results don’t lie. The physical exertion that comes from working out is enough to distract the brain from the mental exertion that comes from unwanted memories. Is it perfect? No, because it’s not a cure. But it does well enough anyway. And you can take my word for it. Or Rhodey’s, or Sam’s, or Steve’s. And that’s just the military crew. Or, you can test it for yourself. As I said, it’s a good theory. Very testable.”

Bucky’s tongue clicked in his cheek. “Mmm, and if it’s such a good theory, why are you here in the lab instead of in the training room?”

“A distraction, is a distraction, is a distraction. And I have work to do.”

“And what is it that you’re working on?” he asked, stepping closer to peer over your shoulder.

“Prosthetic limbs for amputees. Ones that aren’t hunks of metal. No offense.”

“None taken. I didn’t exactly get a say in the matter.”

“Right… Sorry…”

“No, don’t apologize. Something more… realistic looking would be nice. But the metal’s worked so far. Enhances already enhanced abilities.”

A shudder went down your spine. “Right. Super soldier strength mixed in with whatever tech is loaded up in that thing. I’ve taken a lot of hits in my day that I’d hate to experience again, but I’d do it if it meant a guarantee of never being on the receiving end of being hit by that. Like… the damage you were able to inflict on Tony, even in his suit…” you let out a low whistle. “Damn… no thanks.”

“Sorry? I think?”

You laughed, waving a hand dismissively. “Please. It’s not that he didn’t deserve it. The amount of times I wish I could clock him myself… My only regret was having not been there to actually see it.”

“Why do I get the feeling you and Tony don’t actually get along?”

“Oh, we do. It’s just… typical sibling shit, I suppose. We had different ways of coping with our parents dying. He went the standard billionaire spoiled brat route. I went to the Army. He took over the company. I stayed in the Army. He realized the damage the company was actually doing and became Iron Man. I was part of that damage.”

“Shit…”

Again, you waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t get me wrong. He’s my older brother. I love him. He’s rectified a lot of his past by helping turn Stark Industries into the Avengers. He's, dare I say, gained a conscience. But he’s also far from perfect. Still too arrogant for his own good. But I like him a lot better these days than I used to. I mean, I’m here.”

“So… you work for him? Doing what exactly?”

“Yes, and no. I live and work here, yes. But I don’t necessarily work for my brother. I help him and Bruce out a lot. Perks of not being an Avenger myself means I’m here to keep working when they’re gone. But, for the most part I keep to myself doing my own project.”

“Right, the prosthetic limbs. Personal reasons?”

“Yeah, you could say that. Seen my fair share of wounded vets. And seen my fair share of their struggle with shitty prosthetics. And even if they are complete shit, they’re also expensive. But I’m in a position where I can make non-shitty ones and, pun not intended, not have them cost people an arm and a leg. So, that’s what I do. Each prototype gets me closer and closer to making them as realistic as possible. Restoring range of motion you won’t get with cheap plastic wrapped around steel. It’s like… a complete limb transplant. Or that’s the ultimate goal anyway. Make prosthetics so real it’s like you never lost a limb in the first place.”

“That’s… noble of you.”

You shrugged. “Let’s just say I have a soft spot for broken things.”

Bucky smiled at that.

~~~

For the next handful of months, it wasn’t uncommon for Bucky to find you awake in the lab, or for you to find him awake in the training room.

Some nights, the two of you would work out your frustrations of the memories that haunted you both, and you’d tease him about how it wasn’t fair you always drenched through your shirt while he barely broke a sweat, smiling at the way he’d laugh.

Other nights, the two of you would swap war stories while he watched you work in the lab, and when you gathered up the courage to ask to run tests on how the tech in his arm worked to further your own research, he willingly obliged.

“So… were you just an enlisted soldier, or an officer?” he asked one night while you tinkered away.

“An officer. Made First Lieutenant.”

“That’s just below Steve. Which…”

“Is still lower than Sergeant, yes,” you laughed. “Technically anyway. But as an officer, I would still outrank you.”

“What happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… no offense, but First Lieutenant isn’t exactly brag worthy. I imagine you meant to go further. What happened? Was it the damage you mentioned with Tony?”

You nodded. “Yeah. The same accident that started his whole Iron Man gimmick was the same accident that ended my career.”

Bucky nodded, and you knew he wanted to ask more, but didn’t want to pry or overstep. And you were grateful for that. It was one thing to own up that your PTSD stemmed from an incident that ended your military career. It was also one thing to own up to how your experience in the military drove you towards creating prosthetic limbs. But to admit that there was a deep personal connection between the two? That wasn’t something you liked to fess up to. “I’m sorry,” Bucky finally said, feeling the need to say something about your half confession. To acknowledge it without asking more.

You smiled wryly at him. “It’s f-” Your face twisted, and your fingers white-knuckled the table as pain flashed through your leg.

Bucky’s eyes went wide. “You okay?” he asked, moving around the table towards you, his hands hovering nearby in case you fell.

“Knife!” you gasped out, gritting your teeth and humming loudly to keep from screaming out in the pain you knew wasn’t real. “Get me a knife!”

Bucky stood there, frozen, staring at you in horror.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” you barked at him. “I know you have a knife on you! Give it to me! That’s an order, Sergeant!”

That snapped Bucky into action. “Yeah, yeah,” he said, rummaging in his pockets. “Here!”

The sharp steel glinted in the lights as you took it from him and promptly shoved it deep into your right shin.

“What the fuck?!” Bucky yelped, jumping back. “WHAT THE FUCK?!” he repeated when no blood came pouring out of the wound as you yanked the knife back out.

“Aaaahhhh,” you sighed in relief, the pain ebbing away. You relaxed the tension in your body, breathing slowly. “Fuck… hate when that happens.”

“What… the… actual… fuck?” Bucky asked for a third time in a low whisper.

“Relax, it’s fake,” you said, flashing the knife. “See? No blood.”

“I- I-” he stammered.

“It’s called phantom limb pain. Happens in amputees all the time.” You took a seat, pushing up your pant leg to your knee, detaching the prosthetic and tossing it uselessly onto the work table. “Piece of shit,” you muttered, before pulling a tape-recorder out of your pocket. “Prototype 27. Failure, as of,” you spared a glance down at the date on your watch, speaking that into the tape recorder as well. “What?” you asked Bucky who was staring at you with his mouth hanging open.

“That explains… so much. But… why didn’t you just tell me?”

You shrugged. “It’s not something I tell people. Lost my leg in an explosion caused by weapons my family made? Yeah, not exactly a conversation starter.”

“I get that, but… c’mon. It’s me.” He gestured at his left arm.

“Yes, you who- and please don’t take offense to this- doesn’t remember the trauma of losing his arm, and has never experienced the pain that is phantom limb pain.”

“I don’t remember the trauma thanks to years of more trauma that is being brain-washed, and having my mind controlled,” he replied in a clipped tone.

“Yes, the entire world is aware of your trauma, Barnes. Must be nice to have people be aware of what you’ve gone through.”

“People would be aware of what you’ve gone through too, if you’d tell us instead of hiding in jeans and sweatpants!”

“Why would I tell people?! For sympathy?! Or to hear them tell me that I deserved it?! Because news flash, both of those outcomes fucking suck!”

His face crumpled. “Why would anyone think you deserved this?”

You scoffed at his naivety. “It’s poetic justice, Bucky. My own family took my leg. They took Tony’s heart, too, but hey! Look what he made as a result! Isn’t it fuckin’ marvelous?! Tony Stark loses his heart, but gains a soul. Y/N Stark. Loses his leg, and nobody cares.” The words were bitter on your tongue.

“You don’t strike me as the pity party type.”

“I’m not. That’s why I don’t tell people. And yes, maybe there’s a selfish part of me that does what I do strictly for me. Maybe I never would have thought to do all this if I wasn’t an amputee myself. But I’m here, and I’m doing it. And I’m not going to use my story to gain attention and credit that I don’t even want in the first place. Tony thrives in the spotlight. Me? Never been my thing.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I think your project’s pretty great. And I don’t see your personal attachment to it as a hindrance. If anything, I bet it pushes you further. To keep trying, even when what you have is already worlds better than what’s available already. But I also get wanting to keep parts of you to yourself. The sympathy vote isn’t the best feeling.”

“Thank you,” you mumbled. “And I’m sorry for what I said about how it must be nice to have people aware of your trauma. Well… I’m sorry for how I said it. There’s quite a laundry list of things that will turn me into an asshole, and phantom limb pain ranks pretty high on that list. But I didn’t mean it as an attack, and if it came across that way, I do apologize.”

“Don’t worry about it. To an extent you’re right. The whole world knowing what happened to me… it dulls the shock value of a lot of things. Justifies a lot of my actions. So, for the most part, it’s incredibly beneficial. But sometimes I wish I could just… I dunno. Be Bucky without people making their assumptions about what that means.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I try to make it a habit of drawing my own conclusions about people rather than listening to the assumptions others have made about them. So, at least with me, you can be Bucky, and that can be however you want it to look.”

“Thanks. I’d uh… I’d like that.” He smiled softly at you, and you smiled back, watching as a blush crept over his face. “Um… Are you going to need help back to your room? Cuz I can help, if you need me to.” The blush grew darker as he shifted his eyes about the room.

“Uh…” you stammered, a blush coming to your own face. Normally when you tossed aside a rejected prosthetic, you either stayed in the lab until you made a new one, reattached the useless one and begrudgingly dealt with it until you felt up to making a new one, or, in super rare cases when you were sure you were alone, wheeled yourself about the headquarters in a chair. But, here was Bucky, offering to help hobble you off to your room. And the thought of him helping support your weight, or God forbid carry you was enough to make your heart sped up. “Even without the weight of a leg, I’m still not exactly light, or small,” you told him. You weren’t as tall as Bucky, that was true, and you certainly didn’t have super soldier serum running through your veins. But you were still very much the standard rugged American soldier type with broad shoulders and well-defined muscles of your own.

Bucky just scoffed at the notion before picking you up in his arms.

“Jesus, fuck!” you exclaimed, throwing an arm around his neck to help support your weight as he headed for the door of the lab. “I swear if you drop me…”

Bucky chuckled, his chest rumbling into your side. “Relax. I’m not gonna drop you. Now, tell me where I’m going.”

You rattled off the quickest route to your room, both hating the vulnerability of being carried in his arms, and loving the security of it.

“See?” he beamed proudly, as he set you on your bed. “Told ya I wouldn’t drop you.”

“Thanks…”

“Anytime.”

“Bucky, wait,” you called out when he turned to leave. “Um… Would you mind maybe staying?”

“Here? With you? In your room?”

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, yeah, the 1940s gentleman thing is real charming.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s um… You know I’m gay, right?”

“Well… That makes the, uh… oh, I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but that makes having a crush on you a lot easier. Or a lot worse, depending on how things go.”

He blinked at you in confusion, not sure if he was hearing you correctly.

“I like you, Bucky. So are you gonna stay?”

He grinned, happily walking back over to you. “I like you too. And yeah, I’ll stay.”

__

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[gagmebucky]

my first steve fic... don’t drag me about the characterization please i did my BEST and that’s all the matters, really 😌

[boxer!steve. size kink. doll.] 

His jaw ticks. “It’s not a challenge, doll,” he bites out. “It’s a warning. If I tried to get inside you, I’d split you in half in the process.” His eyes flicker down, and your nipples are pebbles against the thin, easily-rippable fabric—you’re testing him, and he’s failing. “Goddamn it,” he hisses underneath his breath. “That - that shouldn’t turn you on.” Bristling, he drops his hand and pedals backward—he’s on his last thread, and it’s his sole chance to make a clear-headed decision. 

in which steve can’t resist what he feels for you. (includes boxer!steve x coach’s-daughter!reader, steve’s pov, dirty talk, mild choking, size kink, grinding, unprotected sex, creampie kink, overstimulation.)

—

Steve Rogers has impeccable self control. He knows how to control his emotions, to maintain a clear head amid the mist of commotion, to command his body to follow his head and not the violent, primal instincts that prickle underneath his skin. 

And despite the lifelong effort required to uphold this principle, he’s found great fortune in the endeavor. Most don’t realize it, but in his occupation, there’s a certain level of restraint necessary in order to be successful. He has experienced it on both ends so he’s aware of just how important it is. 

Growing up, he hadn’t known better. In the numerous instances where he’d been provoked and pushed, he gave in; consequently, suffering gravelly. Knuckles split, bones broken and face bloodied, his anger got the better of him, and his opponents always got the benefit. 

But that’s where your father came in, and showed him the way to fight back and win every time, to redirect his mania into his fists and funnel them in tactful blows that resulted in trophy after trophy. Once Steve learned how to do that, everything became a breeze. It’s more than a combat style but a way of living. 

Ultimately, he gets what he wants because he can make logic-based decisions and utilize his visceral drive in executing them. And a wallet fat with unmatched winnings, a house for his family and a luxurious apartment of his own, his name on the lips of the masses, it’s a fucking amazing life—for the most part, anyway. 

Except for the one part: you.

The problem with self control, he has come to realize, is that when he truly desires something, he sees the cons of that thing. Usually, if it outweighs the pros, he’ll stop it before it begins. However, in the case of you, that formula isn’t working like it’s supposed to. 

You see, he knows he can’t have you, and he knows why. You are the daughter of his mentor, the only child of the single reason that he’s evolved into the East Coast’s Golden Glove Champion three times in a row, and pursuing you is beyond disrespectful. 

So why the fuck can’t he get you out of his head? 

That’s what he keeps asking himself. Another glorious win, and it won’t stop rattling inside his skull like a hammer on a gong. The crowd is chanting his name but yours is beating a tattoo inside his rib cage. The post-win rush surges through his veins and hits harder than any blows he’s ever received but spotting the proud tilt of your lips amongst the masses is like punch from God themself.

His clean-shaven jaw locks as the referee lifts his right arm and everyone goes wild, losing your face in the fanfare. This is the part where he basks in it, where he loses himself in the victory of sweat and blood slick across his skin; money and recognition, a reminder of the advantages of self-discipline; his reward of what he gets when he uses his brain and not the urges that prickle underneath his skin. 

This time, however, it’s not as gratifying as it’s supposed to be. No, it’s fucking agitating because instead of being the thing that gets him what he wants, it’s the obstacle in his way. 

He can’t pin-point exactly why the desire is striking him this intensely but he suspects it has something to do with the fact that you’ve just returned after a while, and your father is still gone—which means you’ll be upstairs in the gym’s apartment, alone, when he comes to see you (and he will come and see you, what’s the quote about looking and not touching?). 

The tension in his muscles advises his better judgement not to. The wild thump thump thump of his heart to the tune of your name dictates he find some other not-forbidden girl to release the mania coiled inside him before he does; that, it’s not like you’d mind he greet you in the morning—in fact, you’d understand. 

Except, he feels like a live wire right now, and there’s a pull inside him that feels like you’re the only thing that can fray his edges back into stability. 

You’re on the counter when he walks in. Barefoot, you’re kneeling on the flat surface to reach a high shelf in one of the kitchen’s cabinets. One arm stretched above your head, you blindly search for the contents for a cup, palm slapping against wood as you do. After seconds of failure, a cutely disgruntled noise leaves your throat, and you shuffle up to your toes. 

For a moment, he’s entranced by the display. A smile quirks the corner of his lips, running his gaze down the outline of your figure. Adorned in a tank top and ass-hugging jeans, there’s not a flaw in sight; other than his hands not on you, exploring every inch, crushing your body against his. Oh, that and you’re about to fall. 

“Oomph!” expels in a feminine grunt when you flail backwards and collide with the cushion of his embrace. His forearm hooks around your waist like an anchor and packs you against his chest before gently sliding you down his body to the safety of the ground. In doing so, momentarily, he’s caught up in how you feel against him, your back huddled into his front like puzzle pieces.

Everything about him is big, and it occurs to him that everything about you is small. His herculean stature dwarfs yours: six-foot of towering strength versus your soft, shorter frame. You barely require an ounce of strength to be lifted, and his blood rushes to his lower region with what he can do with that knowledge. 

Subconsciously, he tightens his hold until you tilt your head back to blink up at him with those enamoring big eyes. With that, he snaps out of his daze and relinquishes you with a quiet, “Sorry.” Before you can respond, he reaches beyond to grab the item of your desire and hands it over.

Your lashes flutter. “Thanks, killer,” you breathe cheekily as you accept it, the delayed rise and fall of your decolletage slowly regulating. You step out of his space. leaving him cold in your wake, and pad over to the sink with your back to him. “You did good out there, by the way.”

At the praise, his smile restores, and he inches toward you. “Just good?” he echoes after you’ve turned the faucet on and off and crosses his arms in faux offense.

Lips curled around a drink of water, you whirl around and finish a swig. Droplets glisten on your Cupid’s bow, and he swears you’re doing this on purpose when your pink tongue licks the liquid clean. “Do you really need little ‘ole me feeding your ego?” you tease and lean against the counter. 

“You are little,” he agrees with a perfunctory nod. 

You roll your eyes playfully and set the half-full cup down. “No. You - you’re just huge.” You gesture pointedly at his broad, muscle-laden build; dragging your stare down his squared shoulders to his defined abdomen to the tree trunks he has for thighs. An airy quality lingers in your voice, almost high pitched, as you add, “I don’t understand how your competitors don’t go running for the hills when they see you.” 

Taking another stride forth, head cocking, he observes you. There’s something in your expression he can’t quite explain but it pumps confidence into his blood. He glances at himself, white under armor t-shirt and gray sweats, but there’s no downplaying the physical strength he possesses. “You think I’m intimidating?”

You scoff and shake your head vehemently. “To other people, yeah. Me? Not so much.” A devious grin curves into those alluring lips of yours, and you straighten against the counter (not that it helped any with the height difference). “I could take you better than any of those losers you’ve gone against.” 

He laughs, husky and genuine. “Oh? Is that what you think?”

You stand your ground and encroach upon him, stabbing a finger into his chest. “It’s what I said, isn’t it?” 

Alarm bells ring between his ears, but he’s too lost in the beautiful arrogance on your face to listen. “Okay,” he says then backs up to the middle of the room where space is more ample and beckons you over with both hands. “C’mon then.” 

As he expected, you don’t back down. You smooth your hand through your hair and kick off the bottom cupboard. Rolling your shoulder, you enter his orbit; a friendly competitiveness gleams in your dilated pupils, darkening enough for him to notice beneath the kitchen’s warm-toned luminences. 

Your stance is nothing less than perfection (much like the rest of you). Orthodox, you project your right side but spread your weight evenly through both legs; a smidge wider than your shoulders, you bounce on the balls of your feet. Hands in a loose fist, your elbows are drawn together, and your chin tucks, looking up at him through your knitted eyebrows. 

There’s no question about your combative ability but his just more developed—given this is what he does for a living—so while you’re fast and your punches twist like it comes straight out of the textbook, he has the upper hand. 

In a half-hearted demeanor, he humors you. For a moment, the both of you encircle each other, him with a suppressed smile, you with concentrated brows. Like lightning, you advance on him and push through a superlative jab. But as quick as you are, he’s quicker. 

Deftly dodging your knuckles, he catches your dainty wrist. A squeal escapes your throat as he wrenches it behind your lower back. The swift action draws your body against his once again; the dull ridges of your back molds so close to his front that he knows you can feel the hammer of his heart beating an imprint between your shoulder blades. 

You wiggle briefly, and he has to bite down on a groan at the faint jean vibrations against his sweats, but you eventually relax with a long whine of, “No fair!” 

“You said—”

“Not what I meant,” you interject breathlessly, a salacious underlying in the words that he can no longer play oblivious to—dawning on him in a gut-clenching heat. “When I said I could take you, Rogers, I wasn’t talking about in a fight. Though, I won’t mind if we got a little violent. . .”

His breathing hitches. “I knew it.” A truth he long-buried—the strike of realization he avoided confronting in an attempt to hinder his own feelings—hurtles in his rib cage as he unwillingly accepts the reality you want him in the perverse idiosyncrasy he wants you. That beastly part of him roars in ravenous elation while his practiced erudition advises you in a low and pained plead, almost a groan, “You gotta stop.” 

With a breezy laugh, a twinkling song of laughter, you repeat a doubtful, “Stop?” and do the exact opposite. Your body careens into him, specifically your ass grinding encouragement against the hardening bulge in his pants. “Doesn’t feel like you want me to.” 

You’re right. “I don’t.” The reply rumbles through his chest and wrenches out strangled. The grip on your wrist increases before vanishing altogether. “But you’re Coach’s daughter, and out of all the things not to do, you’re number one on that list.” 

Freed, you twirl around and retain the lack of distance. You look up at him with unwavering seduction. “When you’re looking at me like that, does that really matter anymore?” 

Again, you’re right. But that’s not the issue—not the prevailing one, that is. “I’ve thought about you a million different ways but in reality, I’d break you,” he admits in a ragged exhale and licks his bottom lip. Another analytical once-over confirms his deduction; your danity frame clashing with his would be something beastly. “How would your daddy react knowing I ruined his pretty little girl?”

To his pleasure and displeasure, it doesn’t dissuade your attraction. No, it seems to have heightened it instead. “Is that a promise?” you ask, lust scintillating in your eyes like moonlight on the ocean, and he has to recoil away because you’ve got too much power over him with a look like that. “Steve—” 

Your hand grapples his before he can get far, an earnest strength he doesn’t have to bat an eyelash at. But it’s that—another reminder of your size differences and how easily he could bend and fold you to his liking—that has a carnal current torrenting from the depths of his soul, demanding an innate action. 

On impulse, he lurches forward with an inhuman growl and herds you backward until his hips are trapping yours against the counter edge. His hand wraps around the column of your neck, partially spanning your jaw to tilt upwards. 

“In every one of those fantasies, I use you like a rag doll—fast and rough, never gentle. And you wanna know why? ‘Cause you’re fuckin’ small and it’s the only possible way for me to fuck you,” he rasps, strained and serious, imploring you to understand the gravity of his words. “That’s in the case, that I can even fit inside you in the first place. So, you may say you can handle me but the truth is, you wouldn’t be able to take just one of my fingers.”

The speech is to deter you; invoke some common sense in that intelligent brain of yours because all of his is withering by the second. In lieu of his intention, it excites you further. Your pulse races against his palm but the flames in your gaze tell him it isn’t from fear. “You seem so sure about that but. . . but I don’t think so,” you purposely goad that volatile and competitive aspect of him. “Why don’t we try and see who’s right?”

His jaw ticks. “It’s not a challenge, doll,” he bites out. “It’s a warning. If I tried to get inside you, I’d split you in half in the process.” His eyes flicker down, and your nipples are pebbles against the thin, easily-rippable fabric—you’re testing him, and he’s failing. “Goddamn it,” he hisses underneath his breath. “That - that shouldn’t turn you on.” Bristling, he drops his hand and pedals backward—he’s on his last thread, and it’s his sole chance to make a clear-headed decision. 

“No,” you state simply, following after him. “I - I think you’re scared. I think you don’t want to admit that someone as small as me could take you so easily—and I mean easy—where everyone else fell to their knees.” A coy smirk upturns the corner of your lips. “Though I also wouldn’t be opposed to getting on mine right now.” 

That’s it. The last shred of ascetic lessons from the past six years bursts into ash. The fire ignites an unhinged frenzy, tunneling into his veins and coursing through his blood like the water of a previously dammed river now freed of placating obstruction. 

With unrestricted strength, Steve hauls you into his arms, cording underneath your ass and hoisting you high around his abdomen. In a gnashing kiss, he crushes his lips against yours. There’s no delay in your response, returning his passion in a rivaling degree. 

That formerly-leashed, hedonistic entity within him preens from its shackles and livens with unhinged reign. Electricity crackles underneath his skin and tingles violently in feral need. Every filthy imagining he’s conjured of you strobes through his mind, and he feels like a man who hasn’t eaten in years, and you’re the delectable T-bone steak he gets to devour. 

You moan into his mouth, a pretty vibration he swallows, as he laps up your taste. The musical sound, the way you explode on his tongue, it all goes to his head like a hit off a drug and slithers down his spine to the ache in his cock. 

His hips snap forward, and his grasp on you intensifies; clutching your ass, he’s rocking your center into his cotton-clad erection roughly. Shards of pleasure ricochet through him, but it’s not enough—he needs more, needs more of your titillating sounds, more of your body on his, of you coming undone because of him, you making him fall apart. 

As you writhe against him with breathy sounds, he sets you on the counter and goes for your pants. Logic evades him at this point—like the fact it’d be the same amount of time with less effort it’d be if he slipped off—and his hands tear the denim material down the middle. Using little effort, he continues to remove what separates you, doing away with your panties next. All the while, you’re gasping in surprise and possibly outrage but he can’t focus on that right now. 

“You don’t understand,” he speaks laboredly, shoving his sweats to his knees to reveal he’s gone commando. “How bad I’ve wanted you. How hard it was—how hard you make me—to keep from myself taking you in every disgusting way I dreamed about.” 

Slicked with precum, his veined manhood is just as thick as it is long; past lovers have gawked at the formidable steel, shying away immediately after, and he’s always understood that. But you, you look at him starry-eyed, licking your bottom lip like you want him exploding on your tongue. 

And as much as he’d marvel at the sight of your cheeks stuffed like chipmunk with his cock— has thought how hot it’d sound when you’re gagging relentlessly around him—he’s got his attention lasered on that tiny prize between your thighs. 

A teasing triangle of perfection, daring him to completely abuse and batter as he pleases. You’re glistening like diamonds in the sunlight, effectively blinding him in a bind of corporeal desire—there’s no thinking, only action; no right or wrong, just what he wants.

His hands pinch underneath your knees and slide you to the edge. In tandem, he slots himself flat against your weeping heat, squishing the length of his cock between the split of your slit, burrowing himself there as if it’s his new home. 

Mutual moans and shivers expel through you both. It’s better than he’s ever imagined; mentally-created experience has nothing on the raw reality. Soft like silk, the honeyed aperture of your sex is eclipsed by his tanned thickness, barely shrouding a third of him, his tip twitching at your navel, and it’s a snapshot to behold. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” he rasps, jaw locking before he reels you tighter and snaps his hips forward, rutting against your throbbing clit. It’s the match that starts the fire, a million sparks prickling all over that has him taking you like a madman. 

“S - Steve!” you cry, music to his ears, as he hooks his elbows under your knees, bending them over his shoulders, and works your divided folds up and down the length of his translucent-white dribbling cock. Your arms shoot around his neck desperately while you bury your face in his neck, mewling into his collarbone; the vibration unmistakably his name. 

“I am going to fuck you, doll,” he promises through gritted teeth, using his hands palming your ass to grind your little pussy into him harshly, at the same time his hips rock into the assault. “I am going to shove every inch of my cock inside you, make it fit if you can’t. But first—first, you’re going to cum on my cock then you’re going cum around it.” 

Your weight is nothing to his hulking strength, bouncing you in undulation like you’re his own personal fuck-toy (somewhere in that darker, aggressive facet of him chides that’s exactly what you are; a wanton toy to use to his desire). 

Every upward thrust is grating over your bundle of nerves, coaxing gush and gush of your essence. Mixed with his own liquid arousal, it further lubricates his slippery anatomy and empowers quicker ministrations—filling the room with your crescendos of whimpers and moans. 

“Y’like it when I make your pretty lil’ pussy grind against my cock? When the tip rubs over your soft clit?” he says, winded, in your ear as you shake like a leaf in the steel cage that is him. “Or d’you like knowing despite how bad I need to be balls-deep inside you I have to wait ‘cause your tiny pussy won’t be able to take it yet?” 

“Oh. God. Steve—” you moan, raking your nails into his flexing back muscles, and he revels in the faint sting. “I - I—it feels good. Fuck, it feels so good.”

Shocks needle down his spine and gnaw in his lower stomach while static nibbles at his limbs; a prelude to a knee-buckling reckoning. “Y’gonna cum for me, beautiful?” He can feel the tautness constricting in your body, the crook of your calves as your toes curl. “Want you to. Wanna know what’s gonna happen when you do?” He doesn’t wait for a response, especially when you’re borderline incoherent. “It’s gonna loosen you up for me. Get your pussy prepared to take all of my big, fat cock. And, you fuckin’ will. Y’hear me?” 

At that point, he’s unsure whether you nodded or not because your head does bob, but so does the rest of you. His neck muffles your cry as you buck wildly against him, and if that isn’t telling enough, he can feel your engorged nub pulsating with euphoria. 

And he can’t resist it. The threat of his violent upcoming orgasm; the fact that he knows your channel is clamping down hallowly; the earlier declaration of being able to handle him easily, it all overwhelms him. 

In a millisecond, before his mind comprehends what his instincts are doing, his hands slip from underneath your bottom to either side of your slit, and his thumbs spread your opening. He heaves you up, and when gravity brings you down, his well-endowed cock drives into your spasming insides. 

With an audible wet slush and slap of skin, he powers through your channel harshly until he’s seated to the hilt. In the throes of your orgasm—before he could stretch you first like he intended—inches that outwardly reached your belly button, width that dwarfed your mound  invades your walls in one blunt movement. 

The orgasm is still flooding you but it’s combined with the convulsions of vanquished hollowness and encompassing fullness. To be perfectly fucking honest, it’s heaven: snug, fervid heaven. And he wastes no time losing himself in you, fucking you through your stimulation while you’re rendered to a babbling mess.

“Oh - oh, my—Steve!” you squeal as your rubber-band-like resistance desperately tries to accommodate the intrusion of his size. “Big—you’re big—I didn’t realize you were so b - big—” 

“But you’re going to take it, aren’t you? Said you could, swore you’d handle me like no other before, right?” he croons and continues to decimate your swollen valley. “I told you you’d cum on my cock and around it, and that’s what you’re gonna do.” The order has your strangling heat fluttering in delight. “Unless you aren’t as big and bad as you claimed to be.” 

You gasp and cling tighter. “I can - I can,” you whimper, and it’s so cute—he can’t wait to fuck you until you pass out. “Just a minute. I can’t cum yet—n - not yet.” 

He laughs huskily because he knows he’s gonna to make you do exactly that. “Yeah, we’ll see about that, doll,” he practically purrs and cinches you closer so with each pass of his hips, your sensitive clit is chafing against his pubic bone; it has the intended effect of forcing your swollen walls to quiver around him.

“Shit,” you choke. “I can’t - I can’t—”

Motivated by your disbelieving insistence, he reaffirms his grip and pistons through your folds quicker. He ebbs deeper and deeper with the combination of his hips ramming in and his hands controlling your body so your channel swallows him all the way. 

Rising sensations pulse within him at an alarming rate, numbness climbing up his toes to cover him completely, encasing his nerves with an escalating bliss. In a minute, he’s going to blow and empty the contents of his balls into your never ending, clamping depths—and he can’t wait to see your reaction when he does, what it’ll look like to have his thick white dribbling out of you. 

That thought spurs him on, and he abruptly props you on the kitchen counter. There’s no break for your used pussy as he slithers a free hand to fist your throat, laying you flat against the cold granite.

“You are gonna cum for me,” he growls, voice unrecognizable with animalistic carnality. The sheening and flushed exertion on your face, the moans vibrating up your esophagus and the wriggle of your body is mesmerizing and provoking. “And you’re going to make me cum while you do it. Your tiny pussy is gonna milk my big cock until I’m flooding you full of me.”

He ruffles your shirt up and out of the way, giving him a glimpse of the single hottest thing he’s ever laid his eyes on. As his hips jut back and forth, the indent of his bulbous tip prods visibly from your stomach; he can see himself bulging low in your belly. 

He releases the unholiest of groans as lightning zaps through him, tactfully shocking his pressure points while his blood pumps to his dick, and he swells bigger inside you. The temperature is boiling to the top, and when your warbling voice breaks into his haze, “Steve—Steve—Steve—!” his eyes snap open. 

His gaze drags further down, he’s greeted with the eyeful of your exploited mound: puffy and swollen from his unyielding, punishing onslaught, your clit peaking through faintly as if beckoning for his touch. Of course, he obliges you—he has zero idea how he managed to deny himself of you in the past. 

The second he thumbs at the little nubbin, you’re sobbing his name and squelching around his cock. In a domino effect, the lava blasts from the bottom of his gut to your enveloping convulsions; sheathed to the hilt, a visual ingrained in his memory of his cockhead pushing up inside your stomach, he pours all the mania he’s kept locked away into you. 

Riding out the wave, he watches how you cream around him when he retreats from you. A ring of clear white contrasts against your bruised sex and his tanned length, the mix of your essences oozing down his balls and onto the floor. 

“Fuck,” he says hoarsely. “That’s hot.” 

There’s a periodic twitch of you, and he glances up to see you staring at him, glossy-eyed but undoubtedly satisfied. “You. . . that was. . . God,” is all you manage, and pride blooms in his chest—at the fact that you kept up, and at the fact he did you good. “You’re amazing.” 

“You did good, doll,” he speaks roughly, the hand around your throat tracing your pulse. “I couldn’t have thought of a better way for this to have gone. . .” Despite his recent orgasm, there’s a hunger clawing back to the surface as he observes the way you’re splayed out like an offering, fucked to the point of limpness. “Or, to be going. . .” 

“S - Steve,” you whimper but it isn’t a protest, far from it, he can tell. 

So he continues to trail his hand to your clit, encircling it while you give a half-hearted bleat. He rakes his teeth over his bottom lip and maneuvers his hips until his growing semi is teasing your cum-dripping entrance. “Y’said you could handle me, doll,” he murmurs and promptly glides right back into you, and a wanton cry tears from your lips. “Let’s see how true that is.” 

[masterlist / feedback]

[tchalla-rogers]

Avengers: Shutdown (Part 2)

Steve Rogers x Stark!Reader

Part 1 is HERE. Series Masterlist 

Unknown Location: 2024

Rough hands gripped your arms, ripping you out of the bed you had dozed off in. Your eyes moved around the room fleetingly to get a sense of who just grabbed you, but only the hallway was lit and didn’t shed any light on the suspect’s face. And across dimly lit hall, the man in the quarters across from you, whom you had learned his name to be Marcus, was in the same predicament as yourself.

Your body collapsed to the icy cement floor of the hallway, your mind so full of thoughts that being dragged out of bed was only a blur. Marcus was slumped on the ground next to you and you finally read fear in his eyes, a rarity once you assumed he could only exude nonchalance.

“Aufstehen (stand up)!” one of the men roared and pointed a gun in your direction.

Marcus leaped in front of you, arms raising above his head in hopes that it wouldn’t be his last move while guarding you. “Hey, hey...watch it with the gun.” You rolled your eyes behind him, feeling their stares gain intensity. Even though his eyes painted themselves with angst, his voice remained unwavering.

“Stand up or I’ll shoot you both.” Their words were hardly understandable, but the last few words ran your blood cold, your body reacting before your brain could. Once the both of you finally stood up, they motioned for you to turn and to continue walking down the eldritch hallway.

Once you both swiveled around, you felt the barrel of a gun press into your back. Marcus grunted, affirming that it wasn’t solely you being guided by the fear of death to an unknown location.  

You barely found time to take in your surroundings as fear gripped you and controlled your every motion. Your bare feet padded against the floor, unsure of how long you had been walking. “This is a nice place,” Marcus quipped in order to ease the situation, but the men failing to emit a chuckle proved it didn’t work. “Hey, how does that gun work?”

In pure disbelief, you peered over to your left to where Marcus should’ve been walking, but you were only met with bewildered eyes from the man who was supposed to be guarding Marcus.

“Wo ist er (where is he)?!”

“Wie hast du ihn verloren (how did you lose him)?!”

The men frantically scanned the area, shouts being heard that you couldn’t translate. And quite honestly, there was no indication as to where Marcus could’ve gone. The only affirmation you witnessed of his whereabouts was a gun seemingly being ripped from the trembling hands of his guard by an invisible force.

Your jaw dropped immediately in surprise, albeit enhanced individuals were normal for you. It just never occurred to you why Marcus was there; neither of you had talked about each other's abilities, the thought merely slipping your minds. And now you knew all you needed to know.

You took a step back from the situation unraveling which only caused your guard to raise his gun at you. “It’s not me!” you shrieked, arms raising above your head.

“Geh runter auf den Boden (get down on the floor)!”

“It’s not me!”

The discussion ended quickly when a gunshot rang in your ears and the man fell to the ground in a heap. He hollered, clutching his leg due to the bullet inflicted below his kneecap; his gun was seamlessly pushed a few feet away from him to where he could not reach.  

Before you could even process the situation unfolding in front of you, Marcus was back and kneeling next to the two men weeping in fear on the floor. “Sie sollten Verstärkung mitbringen (you should bring reinforcements),” he stated and outstretched his hand, both of the men slumping to the ground.

He breathed heavily, dropping the gun in his hand to the floor. A thousand questions were racing through your mind and as he turned around, it occurred to you that you really didn’t know this man. At the end of the day, you were held as a prisoner by someone you hadn’t met and Marcus was a mere stranger.

Although you were generously content that he had taken down the two men, you backed up with each step he took forward. “Hey, I know you’re a little scared right now…”

“No shit,” you mumbled.

“I promise I won’t hurt you,” he began, finally halting his steps. “They brought us out for a reason and they’re going to be wondering why Tweedledee and Tweedledum didn’t make it with us.” You remained hesitant and silent, eyes following his every movement. “I told you, we have something they need. I guess you’ve seen mine.”

The reality of his words hit hard, freezing in your spot. You had wholeheartedly assumed the only reason why “they” needed you was because of your connections. Hell, you knew your father was trying his hardest to locate you and you would bring him right to the enemy.

But, deep down you realized that there was a greater reason, one you hadn’t even contemplated. You never possessed any enhanced abilities, relying solely on your physical training to get through every mission. Marcus’ lips curled into a smirk witnessing your realization.

“Holy shit,” you muttered.

“Down on the ground!” a thick voice boomed from the end of the hall, causing both of your heads to swivel to the suspect.

***

Germany: 2024

Tony slept on the couch every night, awakening in the early morning and using F.R.I.D.A.Y. to hopefully find some more information for the rest of the day until his eyes couldn’t take it anymore. He slept soundly the first night, but the video was gnawing on his brain. And when he found Steve in the kitchen the next morning, he made it his priority to show Steve that video.

Steve vividly remembered that night, fear gripping his soul when you collided with the floor before you both could say “I do”. The sound of you choking for air was woefully unforgettable. You were immediately rushed to the hospital, a miracle that you didn’t flatline on the way there.

Pepper and Morgan went home, not wanting to subject Morgan to how terrifying the situation was for a young child. Everyone else had stayed, although Tony had assured them to return home and he would update them. Then it became Steve and Tony, waiting patiently for some communication on what had happened to you that day with Pepper visiting every day to drop off food and check on the worried men.

The one day they both left for an hour, just to get some fresh air, they returned to an empty bed and an unkempt hospital room you had once occupied as the doctors attempted to calm them down.

The thought had completely slipped Tony’s mind when he was searching for information, F.R.I.D.A.Y. making the suggestion on a night that Tony couldn’t sleep. F.R.I.D.A.Y. had scanned the cameras from the hospital you stayed in the night of your wedding and they had been restored from prior deletion.

Tony sat and watched the video for hours, biting his lip and kneading his hands together in an attempt to come up with something...anything, that could bring him closer to his daughter. Grateful for F.R.I.D.A.Y., again, facial recognition had found Steve and even matched up a suspect from the hospital on German street cameras, confirming Germany was where he needed to be.

That night, Tony packed his bags and informed Pepper about the lead he received. Pepper urged him to go because even if she was hiding her pain from your sudden disappearance, it was burning a hole in her heart every second you weren’t there. It pained Tony to say goodbye to Morgan, even if it was for a few days or weeks, although it was something he wasn’t able to do with you before the wedding.

After Tony showed Steve that video, he couldn’t get the video out of his mind either, even a week later. Tony never thought he would be comforting Steve on their dainty apartment couch as Steve wept. While they both knew what had happened that day in the hospital, they still had no hints or clues as to where exactly in this godforsaken country they had taken you.  

Virginia tried her hardest and Steve appreciated it, albeit sometimes it didn’t seem like it. It took her some time to get accustomed to another Avenger’s presence in their temporary apartment, but it motivated her to work harder.

All three sat in the living room, searching on laptops or using F.R.I.D.A.Y. for further information. It was eerily silent if the incessant typing from Virginia and muttering from Tony weren’t heard, until F.R.I.D.A.Y. had spoken up. “Sir, I have some news.”

Tony looked over to Steve and Virginia and both of them had their eyes on him. News came far and few between this past week and it made him anxious to even reply. “What is it?”

A moment later, the AI replied. “Facial recognition scans show a male being taken a day before Y/N was, I will be searching for his information. On the other hand, sir...my system recognized a symbol on one of the men involved in his disappearance, matching one of the men who took Y/N.” A holographic image showed a symbol on one of their sleeves, Tony’s blood running cold. “Based on additional scans, this looks like HYDRA’s, but it is not quite the same.”

“Holy shit,” Tony whispered, mouth agape.

[confettipizza]

Lunar Recap

How it started. How it’s going. How it ended for the last lunar cycle of 2020.

This lunar cycle began with the New Moon on Jan. 12, 2021 @ 11:01 PM CT (Jan. 13 @ 05:01 UTC). It was the 13th Moon of 2020 according to the lunar calendar. And it ended Feb. 11, 2021, just before the 1st Moon of 2021! Happy Lunar New Year 2021, Year of the Ox!

South Korean Court Orders Japan to Compensate Women Forced into Sex Slavery

Colorado AG Opens Grand Jury Probe of Police Killing of Elijah McClain

Guantánamo Bay Prison Starts 20th Year of Indefinite Detentions

Pfizer to Boost COVID-19 Vaccine Output as WHO Warns of Vaccination Inequality

Lawmakers Catch COVID-19 After Sheltering in Room Where GOP Reps Refused Masks

FBI Warns of “Armed Protests” in All 50 States and at Biden’s Inauguration

Tomorrow is Sun conjunct Pluto. Something that’s been lurking in the shadows bout to jump out. Might be pretty big, but there’s also the individual personal experience of this event and might feel more like an early Full Moon for you.

House to Impeach Trump as GOP Shows Signs of Backing Removal

Well this is dumb. Sun conjunct Pluto?

The $3,000-a-month toilet for the Ivanka Trump/Jared Kushner Secret Service detail

I also remembered/realized how much I really love Anna Sui designs since I was a kid which is pretty random to pop up on my radar, but this woman gets that all I want is sparkly heart shaped objects in lacquered black and flowy hippie dresses

Trump Tells Aides Not to Pay Giuliani’s Legal Fees as Bid to Overturn Election Fails

All I know is talking about dreams and discussing them with others makes you feel better. The tarot angle is there to shed some light on what the dream is actually telling you.

Joe Biden Unveils $1.9 Trillion Coronavirus and Economic Relief Package

ICE’s Acting Director Resigns After Two Weeks on Job

Found out today the woman at the car mechanic I've been faithfully taking my car to for the past two years can speak to the dead and had some messages for me from my dad who passed in October-

Intuitive guided tarot card pull.

Waxing crescent into Aries Monday, January 18, 2021 at 1:06 AM CT Today’s Astro x Tarot forecast valid for the next 24 hours: Feelings are flaring up for you to make a statement, a very zippy move or a quick decision about someone or something.

So long as you remain flexible and agile, whatever you choose to do with them will work to your advantage. If you decide not to impose hyper-agility into your decision making rn, then kudos to you! You’ve gained practice points in self-control experience.

More Than 760,000 Pounds of Hot Pockets Recalled

‘I Answered the Call of My President’: Rioters Say Trump Urged Them On

Raphael Warnock and the Legacy of Racial Tyranny

The Extraordinary Courage of Aleksei Navalny

Whoa, I was like a cycle early on celebrating the lunar new year! I’ve been a month into the future for a week now. My bad! I apologize for any confusion.

I was thinking that the soul's law of attraction is probably pretty unstoppable even concerning partners, so like, if someone didn't love you back then it's not some mistake or human misunderstanding that you or they need to fix.

To find one's soulmate looks something like 2 souls flying towards each other from opposite ends of the galaxy to join their physical selves together in a collision force so brutal you're stuck like that and if that's not what yours looks like then maybe that ain't your soulmate?

All the men going to jail for their poop smearing Capitol rioting have online dating profiles and that’s reason no. 2 I do not date online! Reason no. 1 is ain’t nobody cute on there.

The Witch’s Myth: The true story of the crane husband

Where are your witch stars, Circe and Hekate, located? Their location can explain your relationship to witchcraft. Circe is in my 1st house influencing my outer appearances and Hekate is conjunct Jupiter influencing my domestic style and home to be distinctively witchy.

Sun into Aquarius Tuesday, January 19, 2021 at 2:33 PM CT Here is your Sun into Aquarius forecast effective for the next several weeks of Aquarius season. 

Down to earth and grounded is our most qualified position to receive everything we need and use everything we receive. This is the reality of ourselves, the human condition.

We love reality based reality.

Get ready for reality-grounded White House press briefings

Why do people believe the lies they’re fed? Because those lies are designed to be more palatable than reality. Lies offer a quick easy patch, but what you’ve gotta ask yourself is are those lies actually designed to support the flow of all things into your life?

~* First Quarter Jan. 20 3:02 PM CT (21:02 UTC) *~

Biden and Harris Attend Memorial to Honor 400,000+ COVID-19 Victims in U.S. on Eve of Inauguration

Steve Bannon Among Final Trump Pardons and Commutations

Trump Admin Declares Multiculturalism Is “Not Who America Is” as WH Releases Racist, Revisionist Report

4,000+ Columbia Students Back Largest-Ever Tuition Strike

Today, whatever you’re doing or are wishing to become will be to the benefit of this unifying, love-aligned uprising.

Joe Biden Sworn In as 46th President of the United States, Ending Trump Era

Good inauguration Astro climate this morning feels like. #BidenHarrisInauguration

“What has shaken the U.S. population so badly, this assault on the Capitol yesterday, is really nothing by comparison to what U.S. operations have done in Latin America, in Asia, in Africa, in the Middle East, to other democratic movements and elected governments over the years.”

Progress towards wholeness can’t be made until we own up to the roles we’ve played in the past.

Read the full text of Amanda Gorman’s inaugural poem ‘The Hill We Climb’

When did politics get so vibrant and fashionably uplifting? Please and thank you! #Inauguration2021

The two of wands says to review your options, do your research, crunch the numbers, imagine the outcomes, but there’s no need to force making a choice if you don’t have to. Buy yourself some time and let the plans for a resolution find you, not the other way around.

Donald Trump Leaves Office and Washington, D.C., Threatens “We Will Be Back”

Watchdogs Demand Transparency as Corporations Pour Millions into Biden-Harris Inauguration

Senate Dems File Ethics Complaint Against Sens. Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley over Jan. 6 Insurrection

Federal Forces Arrest Ex-Marine for Beating Officer with a Hockey Stick During Capitol Riots

It’s Friday and it just feels good to be alive, a socialist and calling Bernie Sanders cute on Inauguration Day week! What a difference a pandemic makes.

Instacart Lays Off 2,000 Workers, Including Group Who Started Company’s First Union

Mars square Jupiter January 23, 2021 @ 1:49 AM CT (7:49 GMT) Someone wants you to know that you are ready to conquer your perceived limits to arrive at expansion in your thoughts, feelings, emotions and understanding today.

Waxing gibbous into Cancer January 25, 2021 @ 12:51 PM CT (18:51 GMT) It’s a supportive Moon for dreaming for mental health and well being. Begin a dream journal or review your latest dreams, reflecting on them for a few minutes today.

You are opening yourself up to an emotional practice that includes care for yourself in ways no one else (besides you and your connection to the Moon) can provide.

And too my Tarot Dream Readings are open if you would like guidance or support on a particular dream. See my pinned tweet for how it works.

When one’s soul is allowed to lead one’s life, working in the dark shadows, the invisible silence, the soul’s manifesting results are way more lasting and way more powerful than egocentric anything.

Good morning, self! A reminder my ego has never done a thing for me my soul can’t do better.

National Guard Deployment at U.S. Capitol Becomes COVID-19 Superspreader Event

Russia Violently Cracks Down on Protesters Calling for Release of Alexei Navalny

Trump Plotted to Oust Acting AG, Use DOJ to Force Georgia to Overturn Election Results

Hunts Point Market Workers in the Bronx Win Wage Increase After Week-Long Strike

This mourning brooch is a mindful way to mark the death of a loved one while paying tribute to the impact it has had on you. Bring back this Victorian trend!

Veteran Talk Show Host Larry King Dies After Hospitalization for COVID-19

Hank Aaron, Who Overcame Racist Barriers to Become Home Run Record-Holder, Dies at 86

We don’t give our bodies or our intuition enough attention and nourishment a lot of the time, so today’s the day we practice finding and sitting quietly with our inner voice.

~* Full Moon Jan. 28 1:17 PM CT (19:17 UTC) *~

House Delivers Article of Impeachment to Senate, Triggering Trump’s Second Trial

Dominion Voting Systems Sues Rudy Giuliani for Lying About 2020 Election

President Biden Increases U.S. Vaccination Goal to 150 Million Shots in 100 Days

President Biden Reverses Trump’s Transgender Military Service Ban

Biden Restores Plan to Feature Abolitionist Harriet Tubman on $20 Bill

Value is further added the more you mint your words with a most whole and complete love. Love is the greatest asset we can let appreciate in our lifetimes.

This Full Moon tomorrow sends a flash point that reminds you to circulate this wealth because it’s the greatest emotional gift we can bestow upon our loved ones, family, friends, neighbors, elders, members of our community, etc.

Venus conjunct Pluto in Capricorn January 28, 2021 @ 10:18 AM CT (16:18 GMT) Going through your day today uncovers a forgotten desire or creative goal. You find yourself asking something like: Remember when I wanted to become a pastry chef?

Although you decided to pursue a different course, take a moment to focus on and honor this memory when it arrives and then release it. What did you become instead and why?

45 Senate Republicans Back Dismissal of Trump Impeachment Trial

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene Supported Violence Against Pelosi and Others in 2018 Facebook Posts

Taking the time to recognize and honor your past desires gives the respect these memories deserve and it integrates them into the whole wider scene of the individual, both shadow and light on your path builds confidence in your steps, confidence in yourself.

You are who you are for a reason.

Had no idea how literal this grassroots King of Pentacles card was gonna materialize today, but here it is folks! When a subreddit takes down a hedge fund!

Leader of Proud Boys, Enrique Tarrio, Was a Government Informer

U.S. Freezes Arms Sales to Saudi Arabia, Reviews Deal with UAE Made Under Trump Admin

Poland Enacts Near-Total Ban on Abortions, Triggering More Protests

Honduras Locks In Total Ban on Abortions, Attacks Marriage Equality

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene Confronts Parkland Survivor David Hogg in Newly Resurfaced Video

The stock market this morning: Sh*t! Normal working class people read the market and figured out the game! Time to change the rules again. Let’s write it in ancient Babylonian hieroglyphs this time. They’ll never figure that sh*t out.

A message crucial to promote the awareness of your personal role in the collective will become evident over the next three weeks. You will come to ask yourself, What am I doing with my life?

If you aren’t familiar or comfortable with seeking your inner journey, then the greatest clue I can offer you at the start is to become open to the invisible world within you. How you learn to relate to it is completely personal and uniquely your own

Speaking in more concrete terms the next few weeks may manifest a life event for you where you must apply both logic and feeling in order to arrive at a satisfactory conclusion concerning an interpersonal relationship or the question what am I doing with my life?

This Mercury retrograde should be a cinch, but during it don’t buy tech if you don’t have to. And remember to triple check communication before hitting send. If you arrive at conflict be quick to apologize and say no more until tomorrow 

President Biden Expands Affordable Care Act Enrollment Amid COVID-19 Pandemic

House Speaker Blasts GOP for Assigning Racist Conspiracy Theorist to House Education Committee

Lawmakers Demand Probe into Trading App Robinhood After It Blocked Stock Sales That Hurt Hedge Funds

Pioneering African American Actor Cicely Tyson, Winner of Two Emmys, Dies at 96

Sun in Aquarius square Mars in Taurus February 1, 2021 @ 4:33 AM CT (10:33 GMT) The warrior’s edge has melted away and now you can take the scenic route through a field of wildflowers and mushrooms instead of blasting your way through a hillside of obstacles.

This energy catalyzes a scene that supports growth through varied experiences and it encourages everyone to seek their own way to resolutions, conclusions and understandings that are uniquely their own. Searching out your own way illuminates a strategic aspect of your purpose.

Happy Venus in Aquarius! The idea to refresh your wardrobe, hairstyle or redecorating by public opinion can be too hard to ignore under this influence. Your personal style will be influenced by the collective for the duration.

Burmese Military Stage Coup, Detain Aung San Suu Kyi

FBI Uncovers Evidence Jan. 6 Attack Was Premeditated as More Far-Right Rioters Face Charges

Trump Faces More Businesses-Related Woes as His Legal Team Departs a Week Before Impeachment Trial

It’s only the 21st day of the lunar cycle and already we’ve gone from the end of a rotten presidential era to the people’s revolution of the stock market, ok? And this moon ain’t even finished yet!

~* Last Quarter Feb. 4 11:38 AM CT (17:38 UTC) *~

U.S. Tops 26 Million COVID-19 Vaccine Shots, Surpassing Confirmed Coronavirus Cases

Moon Last Quarter in Scorpio February 4, 2021 @ 11:38 AM CT (17:38 UTC) A time for Descending, settling, closure, receiving compliments for doing a good job. Prime time for tying of loose ends and wrapping up unfinished business.

Democrats Say Trump “Singularly Responsible” for Jan. 6 Insurrection in Impeachment Brief

With consciousness humans are able to transcend the unconscious and reconfigure our relationship to it.

Though we can transcend the unconscious through viewing ourselves objectively, we are still apart of the the unconscious. Those rules still apply to us even as we contemplate their logic.

Jeff Bezos Steps Down as Amazon CEO After Amassing Huge Personal Fortune

Amazon to Pay Contract Drivers $61.7 Million After FTC Probe Finds It Stole Tips to Pay Wages

Republican Leader Won’t Punish Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene over Racist and Violent Rhetoric

Prosecutors Seek Rearrest of Kyle Rittenhouse, Wisconsin Teen Charged with Killing 2 Protesters

Sometimes the right thing to do is protect your one actual valuable thing not by defending it, but closing up all the channels the valuable thing is being attacked from the outside. Sometimes you just gotta block, delete or remove your account and move on with/to what's good.

What if we wake up one day and COVID has disappeared, like poof! It vanished into thin air? Maybe it’s the moon opposed to Uranus that’s got me wishing wild problem solvers would pop up overnight.

Poll Reveals 25% of U.S. Adults Plan to Gather at Super Bowl Watch Parties

VP Harris Casts Tie-Breaking Vote to Move Ahead with Democratic COVID Relief Bill

House Removes Marjorie Taylor Greene from Committees over Violent, Bigoted Rhetoric

Smartmatic Sues Fox News, Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell for Election-Related Lies

I unfollowed some lawmakers this morning after feeling second hand anxiety over the handling of their interpersonal conflicts. Realized they were me on IG two years ago and I’ve moved on since. Can relate, but don’t wanna relive, thanks!

I just want to let y’all know that I’m coping w insufficient candle syndrome & will be studying the art & science of candle making to save myself potentially hundreds of thousands of $$ by making my own delicious smelling coconut wax babies in diy terra cotta flower pots.

Wyoming GOP Censures Rep. Liz Cheney for Backing Trump’s Impeachment

Mass Protests Continue in Burma Opposing Military Coup, Removal of Aung San Suu Kyi

You may tell others like it is today, but hopefully this inspires you to check in with yourself and be honest/come clean about something you've been overlooking.

Indian Farmworkers Blockade Roads as Mass Protests Show No Sign of Slowing Down

Black Sheriff’s Deputy in Louisiana Dies by Suicide After Condemning Police Violence and Racism

Amazon Workers in Alabama Begin Historic Vote on Unionization

Second Impeachment Trial of Donald J. Trump Opens in the Senate

Georgia’s Secretary of State to Probe Trump’s Efforts to Overturn 2020 Election

Mercury square Mars February 10, 2021 @ 6:14 AM CT (12:14 UTC) Still talking about talking, it’s also Dark Moon time to shape or let a habit form. This practice can come from breaking free of outdated relationships with yourself or with others in order to spur growth.

Dreamed Jungkook was correcting my pronunciation of Korean last night. I’m sorry! I’ll try harder to take this lesson seriously

Senate Votes to Proceed with Impeachment as Managers Present Harrowing Video of Jan. 6 Insurrection

Gov’t to Send Vaccines to Community Health Centers as U.S. Continues Ramping Up Vaccinations

WHO Team Confirms COVID-19 of Animal Origin; Ghana Shuts Parliament After Outbreak Infects Lawmakers

Journalists Decry Raid on Progressive Indian News Site NewsClick

U.S. to Pursue Extradition of Julian Assange as Press Freedom Groups Warn of Dangerous Precede

Fossil Fuel Pollution Causes One in Five Global Deaths

Four Louisiana Officers Arrested over Police Brutality Cases and Other Misconduct

Two NYT Journalists Exit Paper Following Revelations of Improper Conduct

Venus conjunct Jupiter February 11, 2021 @ 8:59 AM CT (14:59 UTC) Receive the overflow of creativity into your life. Welcome it even if you aren’t sure what to do with it. Write down project ideas if you don’t have the energy to start on them now. You can work on them later.

I'm cool with double masking, but a lot of folks still aren't even doing the one :|

“The Inciter-in-Chief”: Democrats Accuse Trump of Being “Singularly Responsible” for Insurrection

U.S. COVID Death Toll Tops 471,000; Half of All Deaths Occurred Since Nov. 1

Saudi Women’s Rights Activist Loujain al-Hathloul Released After 1,001 Days in Prison

Biden Administration to Continue Trump-Era Policy of Turning Away Asylum Seekers at Southern Border

Sen. Bernie Sanders Grills Neera Tanden, Biden’s Pick to Head OMB

Sen. Bernie Sanders: “According to The Washington Post, since 2014, the Center for American Progress has received roughly $5.5 million from Walmart, a company that pays its workers starvation wages; $900,000 from the Bank of America; $550,000 from JPMorgan Chase; $550,000 from Amazon; $200,000 from Wells Fargo; $800,000 from Facebook; and up to $1.4 million from Google. In other words, CAP has received money from some of the most powerful special interests in our country. How will your relationship with those very powerful special interests impact your decision-making if you are appointed to be the head of OMB?”

Neera Tanden: “Senator, I thank you for that question. It will have zero impact on my — on my decision-making.”

[jediknightgoofball]

One Last Thing // Steve Rogers

READ AUTHOR’S NOTE

Fandom: Marvel Pairing: Steve x reader Word count: 1,381 Warnings: None really

**A/N: This post does contain very minor plot spoilers for Endgame, so if you haven’t seen the movie yet or you don’t want to ruin the experience for yourself I would advise you to keep scrolling :)

Also, I normally don’t write imagines for Marvel, but watching Endgame just rejuvenated my love for Cap so here we go.

A small smirk covered your lips as you examined the new suit given to you by Tony. While your knowledge on quantum physics was as limited as the percent of body fat on Steve Rogers’s body, you knew that its kinetic fibers would protect you in your attempt at time travel. The concept had always frightened you, as you harbored a genuine fear for the unknown, but those stones have to be located if it means bringing back your friends. Your family.

Besides, you looked good. Who would have thought that red and white complimented each other so perfectly?

“Lang,” You greeted the older man with a tilt of your chin, crossing your arms as you watched him wring his hands and scratch at the back of his neck. He hardly spared you a second glance, mumbling incoherently to himself. You pressed further. “Scott.”

His startled green eyes met yours, jaw popping open for a fraction of a second before he composed himself. You rose a brow in disinterest as he straightened his posture, puffing up his chest to appear more stereotypically masculine. “Hi, yes. It is I, Scott Lang: an emotionally stable man who could defeat Thanos in his sleep. I just wanted the rest of you to feel like you had a shot before I went and finished the job myself, thus I came to you for help. I’m very strong.”

“Dude, cut the crap.” You demanded half-heartedly, gaze softening. “This will work, okay? You’ll get to see Hope again, and we can get rid of that purple bastard for good.”

“I know, I know.” He returned, almost sounding defeated before the battle had even begun. “I guess I’m overwhelmed by, just, everything. So much is happening all at once with so much at risk. One wrong step, and I could ruin this for not only myself but everyone.”

“Scott Lang, you are the toughest Ant-Man I know—”

“—there are other Ant-Mans?!—”

“—and you’re not gonna screw up anything, because we’re all gonna be covering each others’ asses out there. We’re a team. A family. We’re all in this thing together.”

“She’s right, Scott.”

Ignoring the tremor that ran through your body at the sound of his voice, the corner of your lip curled upwards as Steve Rogers, Captain America, joined the two of you. He met your eyes briefly before focusing on Scott, his cheeks now carrying a faint pink hue. “We are a family, and families stick together. It won’t be any different for us. We’re gonna go back in time, get to those gems before Thanos, and bring back our friends.”

“God, you guys are good together.” Scott uttered before giving much thought to his words. The compliment caught you off guard, as you choked on your breath while Steve’s face became a deep shade of red. Scott’s eyes widened as he attempted to save himself. “Oh, I didn’t mean it in that way, of course! I was just trying to say that you’re really good at those motivational speech things. You knew that, right? God, maybe I should permanently stitch my mouth shut.”

“Yeah, why would we—”

“How about we just get back to the others?” You suggested, sending a tight-lipped smile to convey your need to evade this conversation topic.

“Great idea!” Steve agreed a little too enthusiastically, the excitement in his tone making you jolt in surprise. Shaking off what may have been the worst interaction in your life, you led the two men back to the rest of your friends.

“We ready to do this?” Natasha wasted no time for pleasantries as she lifted an eyebrow in question. “I know I am.”

“Sure, why not?” Scott responded, nervously, but you could tell from the newfound determination on his face that he was ready.

“Let’s do this.” Bruce said.

“I’ve never been more ready for anything in my life.” Clint stated, a hard look in his eyes from all the pain he had endured due to Thanos.

“Hell yeah!” Rocket cheered. “Let’s get this dirtbag, once and for all.”

Thor tipped his head back to chug the soda in his hand before crushing the can and releasing a belch that caused even you to crack a smile. “I’m with the Rabbit.”

“Well, majority rules.” Tony pointed out, an edge to his tone that hid his true levels of excitement to be working with the team again. “Let’s go save our friends, and hopefully the world.”

Natasha guided the temporary remaining members of the Avengers to the Quantum Portal. Your friends followed her, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do the same. Something was holding you back. Or someone.

“Actually, Steve,” There was a waiver to your voice, and you silently cursed yourself for waiting so late to do what you were about to do. The man stopped in his tracks and looked back at you, brows furrowed in question. You sighed shakily, suddenly hating the way feelings made you feel. Your spoke quietly so as to not alert the other seven people who will definitely tease you about this once everything is back in order. “Can I talk to you about something for a second?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Everything alright back there, you two?” Tony shouted, but the dryness in your throat made you unable to speak above anything more than a whisper.

Steve took note of this, probably because he’s never seen you in such an emotional state before, and answered for you. “Yeah, we’ll be over there in a minute.”

“Fifty-nine, fifty-eight, fifty-seven, fifty—ow! What the hell, Iron Moron?!”

“Don’t make me get a muzzle, because I can make that happen.”

Steve shuffled into your line of sight, his calm and reassuring baby blues giving you the courage to catch your breath. “What is it?”

In a terrifyingly accurate Lang-like fashion, an avalanche of words tumbled from your mouth before you could organize your thoughts. “Okay, so, this one thing has really been bugging me that revolves around the two of us. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it ever since we met, but, obviously that never happened. I guess it’s because of these stupid walls I put up to block out anyone who I find myself even the sligh—”

Steve’s touch was gentle yet persistent. Kind yet urgent. Loving yet determined. His lips were soft and warm, like a field of flowers on an enchanting summer day. His hands held your face in such a way that anchored you to him. The two of you became one as he drew your body in closer, your hands finding a place to rest on his chest. Every emotion running through your bodies could be felt within the embrace.

The urgency of the mission.

The secret fear you held for its outcome.

The doubts you hid to be a strong leader for your teammates.

The ambition to bring back your friends.

The passion you held for one another.

As you parted for air, your eyes remained closed. After pushing back the desire for any chance of happiness for yourself, you had finally fought those inner demons to find love. You finally had him. You wanted to bask in this moment of self-glory in his arms for eternity, but even a couple more seconds would suffice.

Rowdy cheers and applause were what forced you to open your eyes to the genuine smiles on the faces of those you loved. Seeing them celebrating in a time such as this lightened the weight on your shoulders, as living a life like yours required you to seize every moment of laughter that you could.

Steve’s smile widened upon seeing your happy expression. He brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear, before slightly shaking his head in bewilderment at the sight before him. “You ready to go restore humanity, doll?”

“Always,” You kissed his pink cheek, your smile falling the slightest bit as you said your next words. “Just don’t die on me, Rogers.”

“And you be careful.”

“When am I not?” You winked, poking his nose.

The two of you rejoined the team in the Quantum Portal where you would be sent back to the past. You locked eyes with Tony across the way, who flashed you a quick thumbs up and a wink.

From that point forward, you all began the mission to save your friends, and hopefully the world.

[embersofalily]

Avengers Endgame

With 10 years of story and film coming to an end, needless to say it was going to be epic.

Spoilers ahead.

Last Warning SPOILERS ahead!!

Ok, if you’re still reading, and haven’t seen Endgame, stop here.

All sorts of emotions happened during the film.

Be prepared to at least shed tears.

The start of the film was as expected with everyone in a devastation.

Little Kate being hinted as future Hawkeye (comics)! Or so I think. Mayo, wierd taste buds.

Clint’s family being dusted in the snap! I was expecting it from the trailers but it still made me feel dread and then pain for Client. The panic Jeremey Renner portrayed felt very real.

Some of my theories were off like how and who would be rescuing Tony and Nebula. Tony’s farewell message we saw in the trailer still made me feel for the character.

Heck yea to Ms. Marvel’s ( I can’t get use to Captain Marvel as her MCU name) appearance! I’d say I’m satisfied with her being their rescue.

Part of me wonders if Pepper or any of the Avengers staying at HQ we’re receiving the recordings.

It would have been moot since they rescued him, unless, the recordings were how they were able track where the Milano was drifting. If they were that deep in space, would explain why it took so long for Carol to find them. And enough time for Steve to finish shaving, haha.

It hurt to see Tony and Steve still not fully on the same side. I had forgotten momentarily, that, while they fought Thanos together, they were not fighting side by side. When Tony ripped his core out, it scared me out of concern.

That Lets Fight Thanos one more time to get the stones- plan could have been grief talking. With maybe Carol’s personality heh.

While having the stones destroyed in the current timeline was disheartening for the hearts, anyone who’s been theory crafting with the trailers probably expected Scott’s arrival and time travel.

5 years! I wasn’t expecting that amount of time to pass.

Scott’s actions of experiencing the after math was heartbreaking too; thank goodness Cassie wasn’t part of it. I wonder who was taking care of her those 5 years, perhaps Scott’s friends from Ant Man movie? Forgot their names...

Ooh, so it wasn’t Scott in the past like some were theorizing on the net, it was real time Scott ringing the front door.

Little Morgan was adorable! I wonder if her putting on that helmet means something for the future Marvel films? Or is that me looking too into it?

Time travel movie references HA. MCU time travel rules involves multiverse, like how the cartoons and comics have multiple Earths.

Ooh, Tony, you’re still an Avenger even if you want to protect the now (Pepper and Morgan).

Also, Tony should have pulled a “language!” at Morgan, bwahaha. “No, only Mommy can say that word. She coined it.” 

Wasn’t expecting Banner Hulk combo or his new found fame.

Time travel experiment was amusing since Banner wasn’t familiar enough with Quantum physics and Cap and Nat were concerned about Scott’s safety. Insert forced smile towards Scott and comedic time travel effects on Scott.

Tony and Steve make up! And aw, Tony gave Cap another Shield ~

New Asgard!

Oh gosh, I thought Thor with a beer belly was bad but Thor rambling, drunk?, about Aether and Jane. Rocket’s face and Hulk’s gesture said it all haha.

Time heist! Nice ring to it by the way.

Bwahah, Banner Hulk, Cap and Tony (2019) seeing Hulk (2014) smashing things and realizing the personality change. Insert fake punch car and weak throw bike, Bwahaha.

I knew the heist was going to have a hiccup somewhere, potentially more than once. Bruce talking to (2014) Ancient One and she realizes Strange had a plan! That was a sigh of relief there since it seemed like it was going to be full Nope not giving you the Time Stone - situation.

Cap 2019 getting in the elevator with 2014 SHIELD agents (hydra agents) was a nod off to Civil War!! I was prepared for the same beat down that happened in Civil War to happen again.

Cap 2019 meeting Cap 2014. “ I could do this all day” “oh I know you can. (Sigh)” was funny.

I’m assuming using the scepter on Cap 2014 erased the fact Cap 2019 told himself about Bucky being alive.

Pointing out Evans butt was amusing.

Tony 2019 getting hit by door+ annoyed by stairs Hulk (2014) had to hurt. Loki warped away with 2014 Teseract! That has to be something that’ll be touched on in future films, with how the Ancient One talking about branches of the timeline.

Tony meeting his dad and their interactions as fathers was sweet. And hey 1940s Jarvis!

Cap 2019 seeing Carter 2014 from another room was bittersweet.

Nat and Clint fighting each other to sacrifice for the Soul Stone was tense and then heartbreaking when Nat did sacrifice herself.

Nooooo I didn’t realize Nebula 2019 was connected to the system still in 2014 so Thanos got to see the future! Gamora 2014 def has some hint of switching side though.

When they all returned from their respective missions, their reactions finding out Nat sacrificed herself was saddening.

Execute plan to return the 50%! Was worried about damage to Banner Hulk’s body post Iron Man Gauntlet snap. Luckily it was only the arm and not full body and that his body could indeed take the toll.

Victory was short lived since Nebula 2014 brought Thanos, Order and army of 2014 to 2019 and oberlierated HQ.

So worried that when Nebula 2014 caught up to Clint that she’d kill him but luckily Nebula 2019 and Gamora 2014 caught up to Nebula 2014!

Surprised Nebula 2019 killing her 2014 self didn’t have any temporal backlash, but Marvel time travel meant it only caused a branch.

The 3 vs 1 fight between Cap, Tony and Thor vs Thanos!

Cap finally able to pick up and call Mlojnir!!!! Insert audience claps and cheers!

“I knew it!” -Thor

“On your left! “Insert audience cheer as all those who got snapped came back via Strange, Wong and other fellow mystical monks’ yellow portals.

Peter and Tony’s hug~ warm and fuzzy feels there :)

Carol just destroying the mother ship in her reentry to Earth. Oh yea~

The LaCucaracha car alarm ha! A nice comical break during the battle.

“Anyone see a brown van?”

The hot potatoing of the stones to try to bring it to the van.

All female hitters assisting Carol to the final goal, another heck yea~

Thanos’ headbutt to Carol doing nothing, mwahahaha, YES! 

Thanos destroying the van just as Carol was about to toss the stones in , nooooo!

Strange signaling Tony about the one chance.

Tony using the gauntlet to snap Thanos and his goons. Yes! But..!

Noooooooooooo! Peter’s and Pepper’s farewell to Tony was so sad! Tom Holland’s acting and voice really brought me to tears. It was a reversal of RDJ and Tom Holland’s scene in Infinity Wars. 

Tony’s recorded farewell was also sad to watch. Happy Hogan making his appearance to the funeral and interacting with Morgan was bittersweet.

I was surprised to see that boy from Iron Man 3 at his funeral but it was a good kind of surprise. I actually didn’t know who he was when I saw the scene but found out after I read an IGN article.

Cap’s choice to stay and live life naturally with Carter was sweet! I wonder if Bucky knew of Steve choice before Cap went back to return the stones to their natural place. It was a nice end to Cap’s story.

Sam gets his Shield!!! Nod off to comics Sam Wilson becoming next Cap!!

Thor going the Guardians and Valkyrie becoming next Ruler of Asgard were nice touches! I’m glad for Thor that he got to have a talk with his mother in 2014.

Clint reuniting with his family was nice especially since in the beginning it was so heartbreaking. I wonder if he’ll tell them about their Aunt Natasha though ):

Wonder what Banner Hulk’s future plans are? He’s pretty popular with the kids it seems, so it’s not like the Incredible Hulk where the Army was after him.

Young Avengers seems possible for future films. There was also news of a Black Widow movie, though I wonder if that’ll be a prequel type or another lady taking up the name???

Peter seems pretty learned with his powers, or at least the Iron Spider suit during the showdown. Well, I guess the suit is broken now and no one can repair it like Tony could ):

I wonder if Vision will return? If Shuri did indeed download all of his data, his body could be (or perhaps even is being??) remade and restored via Wakandan tech even. 

The metal clinks at the end of the credits made me wonder. Are they a nod to Tony Stark, for starting these 10 years? Or a hint of a future armor wearing hero? 

Now that Disney has bought Fox and X-Men back, I wonder what sort of stories will be coming up. I’m assuming with these hints of Young Avengers line up in Endgame, that they’ll be character movies in the future.

All in all, Endgame was a nearly definitive end to Phase 1, with only the questions of the branches to alternate Earths the Ancient One mentioned being questioned (Loki’s escape with Teseract 2014). The weaves of the story were pretty well done in my book, with nods off to past films in Endgame during the Time heist as well as closures for many of the original Avengers.

[linzerj]

should’ve, could’ve, would’ve

In an alternate version of reality, Thor aims for Thanos’s head.

(another foray into the mcu. read on AO3 here)

----

On Titan, Stephen Strange looks into the future to see all possible outcomes of this battle, and what it means for the war. There are 14,000,605 possible outcomes, and only one where they win.

But it’s how Stephen Strange defines ‘win’ that determines there only being one favorable outcome. In this version of events, everyone makes it out the other end alive. Tony Stark, Peter Parker, Steve Rogers, Thor, Bruce Banner, Natasha Romanoff, T’Challa, Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, James Rhodes, Wanda Maximoff, Vision, Peter Quill, Drax, Mantis, Rocket, Groot, Gamora, Loki, and Stephen Strange himself are all alive at the end of the one, single, favorable, best-possible-outcome timeline. This is the path Stephen Strange tries to send them all down.

But after his surrender of the Time Stone on Titan, there are several ways the battle on Earth can go.

Even without the Eye of Agamotto, Stephen has been exposed to it’s energies long enough to tell that in this version of reality, the battle will go as it should for the most favorable outcome to come to fruition. Vision will fall. Thor aims for the chest. Thanos snaps, and half the world becomes ash, becomes dust.

After this, he recalls, the remaining heroes reunite, with Scott Lang and Carol Danvers arriving and playing crucial roles in setting things right. This is the sequence of events that will eventually lead to Thanos’s downfall and the restoration of the universe and the fallen, as it should be.

But in a universe just so slightly off from this one, Thor changes the outcome. In an alternate version of reality, Thor aims for Thanos’s head.

---

In this version of reality, they win too, but it’s at a higher cost.

Thanos’s body lays in the outskirts of Wakanda, bloody, lifeless, and still. Some yards away, Vision’s body lays broken, most of his head missing and mangled from when Thanos tore the Mind Stone from his head. Wanda has collapsed onto his body, sobbing.

Hundreds of Wakandan warriors also lay in the fields, having given their lives to stop Thanos. T’Challa and Okoye turn from staring at Thor and the giant purple body, and begin coordinating with the rest of the survivors to identify the fallen.

Thor remains, staring at where Stormbreaker is embedded in Thanos’s face and skull. He barely acknowledges Rocket and Groot and Steve, who are standing behind him. They’re staring too, but whether out of awe or horror is anyone’s guess at this point.

It’s Rocket who can’t stand the silence, and eventually breaks it. “So what are we gonna do with those stones now?”

“I do not know,” Thor replies slowly, trying to hide a tremor in his voice. “I…” He closes his eyes. “I should like to use the stones to restore those who Thanos has killed, but I do not know what effect this will have on the universe. And regardless, I think I would like to see if we can restore Vision, with or without the Mind Stone, before destroying any of them.

So they leave it, for now. No one can touch the Stones anyway, except Thor, unless they want to risk destroying themselves. A few Dora Milaje are stationed around the body and the Stones as Thor and the rest follow King T’Challa back to the palace to determine what happens next.

---

On Titan, Stephen’s eyes open and he drops from his meditative hover. “It’s over,” he announces, gaining the attention of their motley band. “They’ve killed Thanos on Earth. We’ve won.”

“How the heck do you know that?” Peter Quill asks. Peter Parker nods, watching the doctor, curious as well.

Stephen eyes Quill, then sighs and says, “I saw it, before, and sensed it just now.” And that’s all the explanation he gives.

Still, they all seem to believe him, for what it’s worth. Quill looks back at the rest of his group, including the blue lady, Nebula, who crashed a ship into Thanos halfway through their battle, and they all begin to head toward their ship, still somewhat shaken. Then Quill pauses, turning to watch as Stephen tries to shut Tony up and help heal the stab wound in his side with Peter Parker hovering nearby.

“Hey,” he calls, gaining their attention. “You guys want a lift back to Earth? We’ve got some medical supplies and shit too, so you can patch yourselves up on the way.”

The humans share a look, before Stark nods, turns, and says, “Thanks.”

---

When the Milano makes contact with Wakanda a day later and they get the clearance to touch down, the land around them is still littered with bodies. But these are the bodies of the Outriders, Thanos’s army; the people of Wakanda were efficient at finding their own so they could receive proper funerals.

So the ship touches down, and the Guardians emerge first. They are immediately swarmed by Rocket and Groot, Thor standing solemnly to the side with the Avengers. It’s Rocket who asks where Gamora is.

“She’s – she’s –” Quill can’t get the words out, so Nebula speaks quietly from behind.

“Thanos sacrificed her for one of the Stones. She’s gone.”

Their stunned expressions quickly melt into ones of grief. As they mourn in their little group, Tony emerges from the ship, followed by Peter and Stephen.

“So who got to kill the big purple ballsack?” Tony asks wearily, in lieu of a proper greeting. Thor turns from watching the Guardians, gripping Stormbreaker tight.

“I, but I only wish I could have killed him sooner,” Thor says. “He killed Vision, Stark. Ripped the Mind Stone right from his head.”

Tony breaks. “No,” he whispers. “God, no.”

Behind him, Stephen swallows before stepping forward. “Where’s the Gauntlet?” he asks. “Where are the Stones?”

Thor eyes Stephen, before deflating or relaxing, just a bit. “Ah, yes. You sorcerers guarded the Time Stone.” Thor sighs, turning to gesture towards the palace. “I brought it to the lab of the Princess Shuri. No one else has wanted to risk touching it. Even for me, all six stones together like that are… tempting, and volatile.”

Stephen nods, at this. “I could at least manipulate the Time Stone back into the Eye of Agamotto,” he says. “And while I did not meet Vision, if you are trying to revive him –”

“If Bruce and Shuri and Wanda aren’t already trying to get him back up and running you better bet your ass I will,” Stark cuts in, fists clenched at his side. Stephen studies him for a moment, then nods.

“Well. I can do my best to assist, both medically and magically, if you will allow it. And we should keep the Mind Stone safe, in order to revive him again.”

“Hey, magic man,” a voice cuts in, and it’s Quill, looking both lost and determined at the same time. “Nebs here –”

“I told you to never call me that.”

“– She says that the Soul Stone required a sacrifice of a soul for a soul.” Peter Quill pauses, licks his lips, before continuing. “I… we were wondering if you could take a look at the Soul Stone for us, and just – just see. If Gamora – if she’s there, somehow. Before you destroy it. Please.”

Strange blinks, and then nods. “I’ll call Wong to help,” he says, “and we will try. But I make no promises. If it truly is a soul for a soul, I would imagine you’d need another sacrifice to get her back out, if she’s even in there.”

“Just… let us know what you find, okay?” The heartbreak in Quill’s voice causes Stephen to soften, just a bit more.

“Okay.”

---

When Wong joins them, he and Stephen and Wanda are immediately asked to destroy the other three Stones – Space, Power, and Reality. Wong and Stephen debate over it with Thor, before they agree to it.

“It drastically reduces the risk of something like this happening again,” Stephen explains after it’s all said and done. The Soul and Mind Stones still rest in the Gauntlet, waiting for their turns to be examined. Vision’s body lays on one of Shuri’s medical benches behind them, almost completely repaired physically, but the neurons and coding are still a destroyed mess.

“Reduces, but doesn’t eliminate it totally?” Tony asks, crossing his arms. “I mean, you need all six to become a crazy powerful ultra-god, right?”

“Yes,” Stephen replies, “but even these three remaining Stones are powerful in their own way. Controlling the minds of others; altering time; and deciding the fate of people’s souls? Even with the other three destroyed, I can think of several beings that would look to amplify their own power with but one of the remaining Stones.”

Tony nods, thoughtful, before a light seems to go off in his head. “So your Stone – it’s Time. You could go back in time, if you wanted.”

Stephen swallows, licks his lips. He knows where this is going. “Tony, no,” he says. “I… if I could, I would. But going back in time on that big of a scale, it would cause too many ripples, contrast too sharply with natural law. It could quite honestly destroy our universe when we’re just trying to save it.”

“But…alright, but what about small scale?” Tony asks, gesturing to Vision. “Could you just – just reverse time on Vision only? Make it so he’s – he’s back?”

Stephen sighs, gripping the necklace housing the Time Stone. “Without affecting the rest of time around us? I’m good, but I’m not that good.” He breathes deeply. “The only time I’ve ever done time manipulation on a scale larger than messing around with an apple was restoring the Hong Kong Sanctum to prevent Dormammu from consuming our world. When I made a time loop to –” Stephen sucks in a breath. “– to repeat the same moment over and over and over until he went away, and left Earth in peace instead of pieces.”

Tony sighs, runs a hand down his face. “Alright. Fine.” He looks back at Stephen, then puts a hand on his shoulder. “Thanks, anyway.”

It doesn’t feel like he’s done anything worth thanking, but Stephen forces a smile nonetheless.

---

Peter Quill is impatient and emotional, so when he finds Stephen again it takes a lot of effort to remain outwardly calm as he asks, “Any luck?”

But he takes in the expression on Stephen’s face, as well as the other sorcerer Wong, and just knows the answer even before the sorcerers speak. “It requires a soul for a soul,” Stephen says quietly. “Her soul… it exists within the Stone, in a sense, but it is impossible to–”

“I’ll sacrifice myself if I have to,” Peter cuts in, desperation lacing his words. “Just. Please. She deserves to live.”

Stephen’s heart breaks a little bit more. “I’m sorry,” he says. “We still don’t understand it fully, but from what we do understand you need to sacrifice the soul of someone you love to wield the stone. That is literally all we know.”

“It may be possible to sacrifice yourself to free her soul,” Wong says softly, “but without her body, she will just be like a ghost, or so we believe. And we would not want to risk any more lives if none of this works.”

“I’m sorry,” Stephen says again as Peter’s heart shatters. All he can do is slump into the sorcerer and sob.

---

Tony and Shuri and Bruce stare at the mess of neurons, the mess of Vision’s brain, and slump in defeat. “I should be able to do this,” Shuri says. “I was so close, before…”

Tony takes a shaky breath. “It’s alright, kid,” he says, because he doesn’t know what else he can say. Beside him, Bruce puts a hand on his shoulder. Bruce knew that Vision was important to Tony. Bruce knew that Vision was all he had left of JARVIS. Bruce knew.

Shuri, though, bless her heart, she wanted to help him too. “I’m sorry,” she says, for the fifth time today. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark – Tony.”

“I could try inserting the Mind Stone back into his body,” Stephen’s voice says, and the three whirl around to see the sorcerer standing behind him, the fading glow of sparks indicating he’s only just opened a portal into the lab. “It might jump-start some of the neural connections that were severed, but I don’t know…how efficient it would be.”

Tony swallows. Opens his mouth, then closes it, thinking. Then he says, “Alright. We… we should try it, if you think it has even the slightest chance. For Vision.”

Everyone else in the room nods in agreement.

So they try.

But it doesn’t bring Vision back.

---

So they continue on existing. Thor has lost his people, his brother. Nebula has lost her sister, Peter Quill has lost his lover, and the Guardians of the Galaxy have lost a beloved friend. Wanda Maximoff has lost her love, and Tony Stark has lost his – his – his Vision. Wakanda has lost hundreds of good soldiers.

In an alternate version of reality, Thor aims for Thanos’s head. In this reality, they win, but they also lose.

---

There are hundreds of thousands of millions of alternate realities just like that. One little act has ripples throughout space-time. There are realities where the Hulk does not hide away and changes the tide of the fights. There are realities where Peter Quill shoots Gamora before Thanos can change his blaster to bubbles. There are realities where Gamora lets Nebula suffer and refuses to give the location of the Soul Stone, and realities where Gamora is successful in killing herself before Thanos can use her. There are realities where Peter Quill does not strike Thanos, either because he recognizes that he needs to wait or because someone holds him back or because he hesitates one extra second and that’s all Peter Parker and Tony Stark need to rip the Gauntlet from Thanos’s hand. There are realities where Stephen Strange does not give up the Time Stone for Tony Stark, and runs or continues to fight or even reverses time in an effort to save his new friends, save the world. There are realities where Shuri successfully removes the Mind Stone from Vision without harm, and Wanda Maximoff destroys it long before Thanos arrives. There are realities where they destroy the Time Stone before confronting Thanos. There are millions and millions of realities. They lose in most. They are partially successful in others. It’s all a game of should’ve, could’ve, would’ve; each action has an equal and opposite reaction. Butterfly effects. All of these realities exist. Stephen Strange sees all of these realities, and remembers them all too.

But Stephen Strange sees just one reality where everyone comes out the other side alive. They have to sacrifice much to achieve that end, but that is the reality in which they exist. The odds are 14,000,605 to one, but they’ll get lucky in this universe.

In other realities, it’s should’ve, could’ve, would’ve.

[kalimuses]

steve faltered at the threshold of the door, feeling as though spiders were trying to crawl up out of his throat from the base of his stomach. each breath getting stuck in any crevass it could as the captain feigned calmness. the quinjet had been silent for the most part and emptier than it had ever been. those who remained too numb to chatter outside of what small condolences could be managed. steve had been calling nonstop to a phone that went straight to voicemail. a stubborn grief in him refused to accept what that meant though he knew the moment he’d heard the familiar message tone. natasha had piloted, something to keep her occupied he supposed. he wondered if she was angry that the last word she’d ever hear out of bucky’s mouth had been for him instead. he wanted to apologise until his throat was raw, but he couldn’t find the words to give. it had happened so fast, so finally. he had lost bucky over and over and over again. each time had felt like the last but this? this was a new sort of absence that screamed he was out of second chances. his fists curled until his knuckles turned bone white, bracing himself to enter the silent house. if grace were inside, he’d be able to hear the news from the porch. he would walk in and she’d explain how the world suddenly lost all reception and that’s why he couldn’t reach her. but there was no news, no noise at all that he could detect.

he opened the door quietly, nothing stirring as he did so. the sob that had been thrashing inside his chest for hours threatened to burst out as stepped into his home. not even the cat skittered by at the sound of his boots. part of him nearly crumpled there, wanting to sink to his knees and let the world swallow him whole, the rest of him clung to a raw and bleeding hope that he was wrong. that she’d simply stepped out, maybe taken sarah somewhere safer– but where was safer than here? he took tentative steps, as though he may fall through a crack he couldn’t see, scanning the room intently before moving onto the kitchen. there was a bowl of cereal that had gone warm and turned to sludge. he moved it to the sink, mostly upon habit. as if he went through the motions he could restore the emptiness and breathe life back into his skeletal home. the cat’s food bowl was empty, water dish– bone dry. hot tears begun to pool and run wild as he kicked the counter in frustration, his foot cracking the marble from root to top. he wanted to do it again and again, until there was nothing left or his ankle snapped, which ever came first but he swore he heard something.

he made his way to sarah’s room, seeing her toys strewn about in an ordered sort of chaos. it’s not messy, she always insisted, this is how i know where everything is. if i move it, how will i remember? the argument had never worked, but valiently, she tried it everytime. for the most part it was left undisturbed from what he remembered, the same stuffed dog still sat at the foot of her bed. he’d promised, if she could take care of fred all by herself for a month, they’d talk about getting a dog. she’d only wanted a rescue, something little and lonely like her. why hadn’t he just gotten her the damn dog? why hadn’t he just said yes instead of turning things into longwinded teaching moments? he and grace had been so focused on shaping who she’d grow to be that they forgot about who she was occassionally. he should’ve just gotten her the stupid dog. there were a lot of things he should’ve done. if thanos had beaten him anyways, why had he not just stayed home to be with his family? even if it had only gotten him another few days, he’d give every year left of his life to have those few days back. he could still feel the weight of his blow, how it had felt to fall like any other man. something inside of him had shattered in that moment, something that had realised that they weren’t going to win this time.

he moved on from the emptiness and softly pushed open his bedroom door and the sob finally won, breaking out of him hard sharp sound that hurt the base of his throat as he saw the dust. his head physically begun to ache even attempting to process what it was. he couldn’t. everytime he tried, it was as though he hit a roadblock that didn’t allow the thought to go any further. he couldn’t– no. no-no. no he wouldn’t. numbly he reached for his phone once more, almost dropping it out of his feelingless fingertips. steve had a tendency to worry, it was in his nature to worry about things far out of control, it always had been. grace had liked to remind him that he wasn’t atlas and the world wasn’t his burden to hold alone. he’d laughed it off more often than not, insisting someone had to hold it. she had reminded him that he was human and he never believed her more than he did now. there was no power in his body, no fight or determination. nothing super at all. just a weak throbbing in his head forcing only the most basic of tasks to out of the hazy factions of his mind.

he’d never get to hold them, he realised. not just– no, he still couldn’t think it. his father had died in world war one, before steve had even been born. his body brought back and buried, waiting patiently for the day his wife would join him. steve had never known him, was never held, nor did he remember his face. steve hadn’t spent a moment with him, let alone his final ones. steve’s mother had died of tuberculosis. he couldn’t hold her as she choked and gagged, lungs turning to pools inside her chest. he’d wanted to settle her in his lap, let her know that her son was there to care for her until the very end, to make sure she knew that she was loved right up until she joined her husband again, but he couldn’t. he couldn’t get anywhere near her without risking the infection. bucky– his bucky, over and over and over he seemed to lose his best friend and not once did he get the comfort of holding him, knowing it would be the last time, to remind himself to remember every detail because it faded so much faster than he could even think it. his fingers twitched and ached, bucky had literally fallen from his grasp. everyone he’d know had died when he was in the ice, all but one– and now peggy was gone too and their last moments had been a string of confusion as her aged mind recalled him as though he wasn’t even there. he’d gotten a courtesy call, but nothing more. they’d never gotten their dance, he’d never held her really. never lived up to his promises. she wasn’t his to cradle in the end. now his family... steve just wanted to hold them. that’s how it worked in the movies and the novels, you got to hold them and scream to every god in every language, you got to beg and plead and remember the feeling of them in your hands, you got to see them one last time and that was worth everything, but his fingers would find nothing but ash. he’d never get to hold them again.

the door to his closet burst open in a blur and his tear stained face snapped in its direction to find his silently sobbing daughter stumbling towards him. pale faced and visably frightened- still the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. for just a moment, it felt like some sort of sanity returned to him. finally, steve crumbled, falling to his knees in a swift motion, bringing him to her height as her tiny arms would around his neck. relief hit him so hard his ears felt as though they were ringing and the sudden flooding of oxygen from his deep heaving breaths struck him dizzy but none of it mattered. he dropped the still black screened phone and would his arms around her, his hands patting her back, her hair, anything to assure she was real. she was okay. she was okay. she was okay. he could feel her flushed, wet cheek against his as her wails finally gained traction, sounding right in his ear. any other time, the noise would’ve torn his insides apart, but it was the most terrible relief he’d ever felt in his life. she sniffled and squeezed him harder and harder, he wrapped his arms around her just as firmly in turn as he stood, pulling her up into his arms.

“i got you.” he whispered over and over as she cried, feeling her finger nails rake at his skin to bring him closer, terrified that he might disappear at any moment. “i’m here, i’ve got you. i’ve got you. okay? i’ve got you, i’m here.” she was shaking like a leaf and steve had the lean against the doorframe to support their weight, feeling legless. she choked on a sob and he shushed her softly until he noticed his chest also twinged with breathless gasps. he couldn’t imagine how scared she’d been. how quickly it had taken for her to revert from genius to frightened child when that fear truly kicked in. what would she have done if he hadn’t come home? he pressed a kiss to her temple, still muttering reassurances between his ragged breaths. she pulled back finally, still in his arms to place her small hands against his cheeks. staring into his face with comfort and agony lacing her features. he noticed the ash caked under her nails, still tainting her finger tips as it mingled with the tear that had caught on his beard.

“come here, come here.” he mumbled, pulling her close again as he walked to the ensuite. his mind seemed to snatch at anything that could keep him moving and occupied, otherwise his mind went careening off the deep end. sarah was alive and he couldn’t succumb to grief now, not when she needed him the most. at first he tried to lower her down enough to wash her hands while still in his arms, but the angle wasn’t right and like a kick to the chest he realised he’d have to place her down. he went all the way to his knee’s again, letting her feet touch the floor but keeping his hands on her as he stood up, turning her around as the tap ran loudly, muffling both of their congested breaths. “come here, come on.” not for a second did they break contact. steve stood around her like a human shield, using his hands to help scrub hers clean so she could look down without a reminder literally at her fingertips. as her hands became cleaner, it seemed to dawn on him what he was really doing, what it really meant. sarah had been clinging to grace as it had happened, she’d seen it all and there was nothing he could to do free her of those memories. most all, it finally sunk like cinderblocks in water that she was gone. grace was gone and his insides were screaming again.

[surrounded-by-superheroes]

Queen Chapter Twelve

CHAPTER ELEVEN HERE.

Summary; A shape-shifting girl with a bad past is recruited by Nick Fury into the Avengers. It’s there that she finally starts learning to let people in again and she’s especially intrigued by a blond haired and blue eyed Captain America. Will she learn to let him in? Will her past actually stay in the past?

A/N; Uhhhhh, sorry.

Warnings; This is a dark chapter, guys. Flashbacks, blood, torture, language.

Words; 2,961

Chapter Twelve

Little Dory

“No.” Voltage runs through me and I spasm in the chair, my back arching and a scream tearing its way out of my throat.

“We were kind to you before, dear Victoria, because you were our one success. That’s changed. Although, we’re even being kind to you now by offering you a choice. Now, either you kill them now, or, we remove your memories and you kill them then. Either way, they die. Either way, you kill them. Choose, or we will choose for you.” My mother says in her creepily smooth voice. She lays her hand on my forehead and I turn my head away in disgust. Her hand rescinds and I feel the bigger, rougher hand of my father’s replace it.

“V, we made you who you are. We can unmake you.” He sighs, his deep voice almost makes the chair I’m in vibrate because of the resonance. “We’d rather not because there’s a risk you’ll lose all physical memory as well, meaning we’d have to retrain you, but we are willing to make that sacrifice.” He says, resigned. “That is the choice that will be made for you, if you do not follow our orders. Your memories will be taken from you.” I am now biting my tongue to keep myself from crying. I turn back and look at him. I have always hated how I still look like my parents. I have my father’s curly hair and his skin tone. I have my mother’s nose and uneven lips. My eyes are the both of theirs combined; my mother’s brown and my father’s green. Unlike them, I have small lines beside my eyes from smiling while my father has lines in his forehead from squinting at petri dishes. My mother has deeper, curved lines around her mouth that appear when she frowns, telling others that she frowns often. I meet my father’s eyes with determination and shake my head again.

“No.” I decline their ‘kind’ offer once again, knowing that it’s the last time. Both of my parents sigh, but my mother waves over an orderly of sorts who rushes over with a tray of tools. She pulls on her gloves and exchanges places with my father, both of them looking grim.

“Now, this is going to be different than all the other times. We have made a new surgery!” Some excitement tints my mother’s voice and I do my best not to cringe away from her. She holds up a thin metal looking wire that can’t be more than two feet long. “I’ll insert this directly into your brain via your nose and put both ends against your hippocampus. That’s where your memories are. Then, we’ll channel volts of electricity through the wire and into your brain. Thus, erasing your memories, but hopefully not your physical responses.” She explains with glee, and I shut my eyes and think of Tony saying I’m not a monster. How can I not be, with parents like these? God, what I wouldn’t give to see his smirk or Steve’s blue eyes. I was an idiot to come here alone. My eyes snap open when I feel a strap being fastened over my forehead and then over my chin.

“Wait, wait, wait. I have a question.” I beg for them to pause, and they do, surprisingly. I glance between my parents and ask them something I’ve been wondering for a long time. “Why did you do this to me? Why couldn’t you just…just love me?” I clench my teeth afterwards to prevent my tears from leaking out and wait for their answer. My father puts his arm around my mother and she glances up at him with a smile as he answers for them both.

“V, we do this because we love you. Can’t you see? We’re making you more than you are! A true marvel of science.” He says with a smile, and I can no longer withhold my tears. They spill out at a rapid pace, even more when my mother begins slowly inserting the thin wire in my nostrils. But I know it’s only discomfort compared to what they’re about to do. I pull against the restraints on my wrists and ankles and briefly think of shifting, but know the restraints have heat sensors in them. I’m sure the voltage they contain would knock an elephant on its ass, it definitely wouldn’t have a problem frying me. I shut my eyes and go over all my memories while I still can as I hear the familiar hum of electricity as the machine heats up. I go through each face of the team, leaving Nat, Tony, and…Steve last. I regret that I never got to fight Natasha. I’m sure it would have been thrilling. I remember her arms around me when she surprised me with a hug, her brilliant red hair that I’m slightly jealous of, and the secret smile she gave me when I became a tiger. I think of Tony putting his arm around me, his hugs, his scruffy kisses on my forehead, his stupid teasing and the way he broke down all my emotional walls with simply holding my hand and kissing my knuckles. I almost smile when I think of his unique smell; new cars, oil, and Axe deodorant. Finally, I think of Steve, my Steve. Those killer blue eyes and the fact that he never wanted to kill anyone. His hands squeezing my thighs, then my hand, then my waist. Our first kiss in that crowded club after dancing for two nights in a row. How our lips fit together and danced better than our bodies ever could. Me singing to him. His quiet voice singing to me on our first date, showing his vulnerability before he even knew I didn’t deserve it. His voice is the last thing I hear before the searing pain starts and all thought is whisked away by agony. After a while, I can’t even recall anything for me to hold on to anyway. Not even my own name. All that’s left is a man’s voice, soft and pleasing, singing a song I’ve never heard.

“And like an echo from far away, the nightingale sang in Berkeley Square…”

I wake up suddenly, covered in sweat. My eyes snap open to find myself not in my cage, but in a bed. I take a deep breath to calm myself and find that Tony’s scent swirls inside my nose, comforting me more than a dozen deep breaths could. As quietly as possible, I sit up and look around. Tony is at my side, reclining in a brown leather armchair. Captain America sits in another chair, but one that definitely doesn’t look as comfortable as Tony’s. I move to the side to get off the bed, but find Natasha sitting Indian style in the floor, her head resting on her hand that’s resting on her knee. All of them are asleep, watching me, I assume. It’s tempting to wake up Tony. Just so I can talk to him, hug him, hear his voice, but I resist. He probably needs his rest. I glance back at Natasha as I hear her sigh. As soon as I see her head of red hair, images flash through my head all of her. With them is a stinging pain inside my head, so intense I freeze and shut my eyes. Once my memories of Nat are restored I open my eyes and a couple tears slip out. I wiggle out from under the covers and crouch on the bed. I shift into a blue-bird, wanting not to wake them. I fly to the door, then shift into a ladybug to slip through the crack. I do so then shift back into myself once I’m outside. I need some space to think. I walk briskly to the left, looking for an empty room to just sit and think in. When I see the reflection of water on the ceiling inside a room, I burst into the room and grin at the sight of water. Surveying the room, I spot a closet door and run over to it, yanking open the door. I change into one of the dozens of suits within and slip quietly into the pool. Gills appear on my neck as I sink to the bottom of the deep end. I take a deep breath as peace settles within me, but my mind is anything but peaceful.

I sort through my jumbled-up mind. Since yesterday, everything seems like it’s been misplaced. I go back to yesterday first. I remember everything that happened, including remembering Tony. But everything is conflicting with each other. I remember my sweet Tony, the one who loves to put his arm around me, give me scruffy forehead kisses, and lets me sleep in his bed when I’m scared. I also remember being shown pictures of Tony and the firm feeling of enemy, target, and danger. The same with Natasha. Slowly, I lean back until I’m lying on the floor of the pool, staring up at the barely moving surface. I’m sure if I weren’t underwater, I’d be crying. Instead, I scream under the water as frustration engulfs me. My nightmare is fresh in my mind as well, although my consciousness had forgotten it before reliving it. Who to trust? The supe-my parents? Or Tony and the others who seem to know me? The answer seems obvious, but with my mind like this; coherent thought seems too good to be true. Slight movement draws my eyes to the side of the pool, beyond the surface. I rise to the top immediately, curious to see who it is. My head breaks the surface and I smile; Tony.

“I thought this is where you might be, little Dory.” He says, smiling sleepily. I lift myself out of the pool on the side opposite of him, not wanting to get him wet. I hold out a hand as if I can hold him there by sheer force of will.

“Don’t go anywhere, please.” I beg him. He nods once.

“I won’t leave. I promise.” I consider his eyes and find them trustworthy. I run to the closet and dry off as quickly as possible, wrapping my hair in a towel after wiping myself down. Frowning, I stare at the clothes I’ve had on since leaving the compound. A gentle knock at the door has me almost jumping into a new skin, but I relax when I hear Tony’s voice on the other side of the door. “Queen?” I grin at the nickname. “I brought you some new clothes. Yes, I know I broke the rules by leaving, but I thought you’d appreciate it anyway.” I open the door while hiding behind it and watch Tony take in my towel-hair. “Sexy.” He says simply and I laugh. His face lights up at the sound as he hands me my clothes.

“Thank you.” I take them and shut the door, changing quickly. The clothes are simple. A black tank-top and red plaid pajama pants. Along with underwear and a bra of course. I shake my head as I put them on. I still remember that shopping trip we took, although some parts are fuzzier than others. After changing I jump out and immediately look for Tony. He’s still there, lounging on a laid back beach chair. I sigh in relief and head over to him.

“I’m thinking it’s a safe assumption to say you remember me?” He asks. I sit beside him so we’re squished together on the chair and my head is on his shoulder.

“Duh, Lord M. Your pungent smell is enough to bring someone back from death, bringing back some memories was no problem.” I tease and I can hear him smile. He wiggles a bit and wraps an arm around me, then pulls my head towards him for a scruffy forehead kiss. I turn on my side, giving both of us more room. I wrap an arm around his waist and lay my other arm on his chest, my hand on his heart. I shut my eyes, feeling more at home than I have in weeks.

““You know, you have a nice smell too.” He mumbles quietly. “There’s something wild about it, like you carry the smell of a rainforest or mountains or something. Then, you smell like sweat, but not like B.O., somehow your sweat smells like sunshine.” I stare at his closed eyes in shock, touched, but he isn’t finished. “And of course, you smell like home. Your clothes smell like my drawers and your hair smells like my detergent from sleeping in my sheets.”

“Thank you, Tony. I…I consider this home too. I’m sorry I ever left.” I finish quietly. As we sit in the silence, I interrupt it by humming the first song that comes to mind. A slow song with drawn out words and a haunting melody. I don’t know all the words, so I just settle for humming the tune. Tony interrupts me with his words, and I stop the tune, sadly.

“Do you want to talk about it, kiddo?” He asks me gently. My hand on his shirt turns into a fist and I turn my face towards his armpit; it smells very Tony there. After a couple deep breaths, I turn my face back out, Tony’s chin reflexively resting on my head.

“Everything is still so mixed-up in my head. I mean, I remember you and all my memories with you, but I also remember seeing pictures of you and the intense feeling that you were bad.” I move back to look at his face. “Which you aren’t, obviously.” I assure him and he pulls me back to him.

“Damn. They must have rewired your brain. It’s actually not as advanced as one might think. Lobotomies did basically the same thing, but in this instance, they seem to have refined it and made it specific to us. They erased us from your mind and replaced us with others to suit their own desires.” Tony thinks aloud and I cringe slightly at the mention of lobotomies.

“Well, electricity definitely had a hand in it.” I say sarcastically, remembering the pain. Tony’s arm tightens around me as if he knows what I’m thinking. “Geez, I don’t even know the date. What’s the date?” I ask him, irritated with myself.

“September twenty-eighth. I’m assuming you don’t need to know the year?” Tony teases and I smack his chest.

“The twenty-eighth, huh? You know, the thirtieth is my birthday.” I muse, happy to be thinking about things as harmless as birthdays.

“Really? Your twenty-first, right?” Tony asks, his voice already telling me the gears in his brain are turning a mile a minute.

“Tony, don’t even think about doing anything. Just let it pass.” I tell him, but he scoffs. I sigh and roll my eyes. He won’t be forgetting that anytime soon. We sit quietly, peaceably, until it’s shattered.

“What did they do?” Tony asks tentatively, afraid of the answer. I shut my eyes as I sigh.

“They…put metal through my nose and attached it to my hippocampus,” I explain, remembering the explanation clearly, “then administered various levels of electricity to it so that I’d forget my memories.” I finish.

“My God. I’m so sorry, Queen.” He tugs me ever closer and wraps both of his arms around me. I do the same and sniffle quietly.

“That isn’t why I get upset. I’m upset because those people up there, I know them, don’t I? But I can’t remember them for who they are, I just have my false memories of them. That’s what kills me. I don’t even know my own life.” I say sadly.

“Oh, honey. You’ll get your life back, alright? You already remember me, so it won’t be long until you remember the others too. Don’t worry.” Tony comforts me and I let myself believe his words.

“I’m happy to have you, Tony.” I tell him quietly. He makes a sound of acknowledgement, sounding a little sleepy. “And I want you to know…I love you Tony.” I say hesitantly. Those words carry a lot of weight for me. When I receive a scruffy kiss, I relax again, although I didn’t realize I’d gone stiff.

“I love you too, kiddo. Obviously.” Tony responds before just resting his lips on my hair. I giggle slightly and move away from him a little to look at his face.

“And it’s because I love you that I’m going to tell you that you’re looking a little rough.” I tell him and stroke my chin where a beard would be if I had one. He shrugs and smiles, copying my gesture with a spare hand.

“Ah, yeah. I haven’t really felt like shaving. I haven’t even slept since, God knows when.” He meets my eyes and shrugs. “Probably a month.” I frown at him as I lay by head back on his shoulder.

“Tony. You should take care of yourself better.” I scold him. He huffs.

“Gee, sorry I didn’t feel like shaving while you were missing for a month, Victoria.” He sasses and I sigh.

“Tony, I can smell the alcohol on your breath.” I tell him quietly. He doesn’t respond. “That isn’t who you are, Tony. My memories may be fuzzy, but you’re Iron Man. You’re a hero. Stay that way.” I tell him firmly. His chest shakes slightly and I realize he’s laughing.

“Oh, Queen. I missed you.” He says. I shut my eyes and nod.

“I missed you too, Tony. You have no idea.” I tell him and sigh, too comfortable for words. Sleep comes to take me and I give in, wholeheartedly.

Chapter Thirteen found HERE.

[seekfirstme]

The following reflection is courtesy of Don Schwager © 2021. Don's website is located at Dailyscripture.net

Meditation: Has your community or town ever participated in a grand homecoming party for a celebrated hero or champion who courageously and selflessly risked all to serve their people and nation - who risked great odds to protect people from harm and who achieved great victory over an enemy bent on destroying their land and freedom? The Lord Jesus promises us a great victory celebration when he returns again to put down his enemies and to establish his everlasting kingdom of peace, joy, and righteousness. That day when the Lord Jesus returns will be joy and peace for those who are prepared to meet him - but grief and sorrow for those who did not accept him as Lord and ruler of all.

Jesus will return to establish his everlasting kingdom

Jesus' first coming was a rescue mission - he was sent by the eternal Father in heaven to save us from the tyranny of sin, Satan, and death. Jesus' sacrificial death on the cross and his triumphant victory over the grave won pardon for us and reconciliation with our heavenly Father, and the promise of everlasting life and joy in his kingdom. The Lord Jesus told his disciples on a number of occasions that he would return again at the end of this present age - not simply to rescue us again from our enemies - but as a victor King and Lord who will vindicate all who have believed in him - by releasing us from the curse of death and condemnation and restoring for us the plan he had from the beginning of creation - a new heavens and earth for a people perfectly united with God in peace, joy, and harmony forever. This is the background to Jesus story (parable) about the householder and the thief in the night (Matthew 24:42-51). When the Lord Jesus returns, he doesn't want to find us flirting with the enemy or worse joining forces with enemies who are opposed to God and his kingdom.

Don't let Satan rob you of your heavenly treasure

What does Jesus' parable of the thief in the night teach us about God's kingdom? If you knew that a thief was prowling about and trying to strike your home and threaten your life, wouldn't you seek to protect yourself from harm's way? Jesus' parable of the thief in the night brings home the necessity for watchfulness and being on guard to avert the danger of plunder and destruction, especially under the cover of darkness and secrecy! While no thief would announce his intention in advance, nor the time when he would strike, lack of vigilance would nonetheless invite disaster for those who are unprepared to keep their treasure and their lives secure at all times! The intruder strikes when he is least expected!

Our adversary the devil seeks to rob us of the treasure which the Lord freely offers us. What is the treasure which the Lord Jesus wants us to guard lest we lose it? It is the treasure of a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus himself - who is our greatest gift and portion in this life. The Scriptures remind us that there is no greater treasure on earth or in heaven than the Lord himself (Psalm 16:5,11, Job 22:25-26, and Philippians 3:8):

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing upon earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever" (Psalm 73:25-26).

The Lord Jesus chooses to come and dwell in our hearts through the gift and working of his Holy Spirit. He knocks at the door of our heart and invites us to let him enter (Revelation 3:21). Are you ready to meet the Lord - each and every day?

Be ready to give your account to the Lord Jesus

Jesus ends his teaching on watchfulness and vigilance with another parable about a master and his servants (Matthew 24:.45-49). The storyline is similar. There is an element of surprise - the master suddenly returns home unexpectedly, probably from a long journey. He rewards the dutiful servant for his faithfulness to his master. He has performed his service with diligence and has done all that the master required of him. The master punishes the other servant who behaved wickedly. This servant was not only irresponsible - he was frequently absent from work and spent his master's money by throwing endless parties with his friends. The wicked servant also abused his fellow workers with physical force and violence - probably to make them do the work he was supposed to do for his master. The master not only throws him out of his house, he fires him from his job! He also throws him into the worst possible place - a prison of no return where there is nothing but torment and misery.

Should we be surprised to see the master acting with such swift judgment? After all he is only giving back what they have given to him. The master rewards the faithful servant with honor, promotion, and friendship, and he punishes the unfaithful servant - who stole from his master and used his position to abuse others - by removing him from his position of trust with the master and by throwing him into prison for robbing the master and mistreating his fellow servants. The Lord has entrusted each of us with his gifts and grace - the grace to love God with faithfulness, trust, and obedience - and the grace to love our neighbor as our self. Do you love faithfulness?

Always be prepared for your homecoming

The Lord Jesus calls us to be vigilant in watching for his return and to be ready to meet him when he calls us to himself. The Lord gives us his Holy Spirit so that we may have the wisdom, help, and strength we need to turn away from sin to embrace God's way of love, justice, and holiness. The Lord's warning of judgment causes dismay for those who are unprepared, but it brings joyful hope to those who eagerly wait for his return in glory. God's judgment is good news for those who are ready to meet him. Their reward is God himself, the source of all truth, beauty, goodness, love and everlasting life.

"Lord Jesus, you have captured my heart and it is yours. Take my life and all that I possess that I may have you alone as my treasure and joy. Make me strong in faith, steadfast in hope, and generous in love that I may seek to please you in all things and bring you glory. "

The following reflection is from One Bread, One Body courtesy of Presentation Ministries © 2021.

ARE YOU READY?

“You must be prepared.” —Matthew 24:44

Jesus is coming back to take us with Him (Jn 14:3). No one can know the exact day or hour of Jesus’ return (Mt 24:42). He will return at the time we least expect (Mt 24:44). Therefore, we must be always ready. We are ready for Jesus’ second and final coming when:

1)      We are faithful, farsighted servants (Mt 24:45).

2)      We are working to feed people physically and/or spiritually (Mt 24:46).

3)      Our hearts have been strengthened and made blameless and holy (1 Thes 3:13).

4)      We have accepted Jesus’ salvation (2 Pt 3:15).

5)      We are “without stain or defilement, and at peace” in God’s sight (2 Pt 3:14).

6)      We are singing and praising the Lord (see Rv 19:1ff).

7)      We are “pure and follow the Lamb [Jesus] wherever He goes” (Rv 14:4).

8)      We have washed our robes in the blood of the Lamb and survived the great period of trial (Rv 7:14).

9)      We have guarded our spirits against “indulgence and drunkenness and worldly cares” (Lk 21:34).

10) We are praying constantly (Lk 21:36; cf 1 Thes 5:17).

Are you ready for Jesus to come back now? Maranatha! “Come, Lord Jesus!” (Rv 22:20)

Prayer:  Jesus, come back now or as soon as possible.

Promise:  “May the Lord increase you and make you overflow with love for one another and for all.” —1 Thes 3:12

Praise:  James attends daily Mass and goes to Confession monthly. Thereby he lives in readiness for every opportunity the Lord brings his way.

Reference:  (For a related teaching on Am I Going to Heaven?, order, listen to, or download our CD 54-3 or DVD 54 on our website.)

Rescript:  "In accord with the Code of Canon Law, I hereby grant the Nihil Obstat for the publication One Bread, One Body covering the time period from August 1, 2021 through September 30, 2021. Reverend Steve J. Angi, Vicar General, Chancellor, Archdiocese of Cincinnati, Cincinnati, Ohio January 12, 2021"

The Nihil Obstat ("Permission to Publish") is a declaration that a book or pamphlet is considered to be free of doctrinal or moral error. It is not implied that those who have granted the Nihil Obstat agree with the contents, opinions, or statements

[mariemarvelbear]

Alive

Hope

Avengers x Reader

Warning: Angst.So much Heavy Angst.18+Slow burn angst.Abuse.Mention ofrape.Brainwashed.ANGST.Blood.Torture.Swearing.Kidnapping.  

Part 8

“She will be alright.  She just needs to rest.  She’s very powerful, Captain.  Like nothing I’ve ever known.” A booming voice was what made the two men look.

“Wanda.When did you got back?” Tony smiled, hugging the lady as he scooted closer to Steve so she can sit down.

“A while ago.I had to stay at Nat’s room.I-I can’t do it Stark.” The two men looked at her with confusion. “They said Eve was here,in the operating room.They told me she wasn’t awake,nor the surgery done.But I still can’t push myself to go down here….Knowing that it’s just a thin glass stopping us from seeing her y’know.”

“Oh sweetheart.” Tony cooed as he kissed Wanda’s head letting her cry on his chest. Steve just looked at them, he wanted to comfort Wanda too-maybe even Tony, or the whole team.Tell them that everything will be fine,But it was hard-Knowing that himself doesn’t believe in that either.After a few stories here and there,Wanda fell asleep and so Tony called Pietro to move his sister.

The two men sat there, a meter away from your bed where you were currently getting surgey. Tea in Steve’s hands and coffee in Tony’s. It wasn’t long before the two guy fell asleep,After all they didn’t had the chance to sleep properly in the two months of your absence. And as the sun rise,The doors opened revealing Dr.Cho.Tony even wondered why the lady looked so nice considering she had just undergone a twenty-two hours supervising a surgery.

“How is she?She okay?She’s alive right?”

“FRIDAY.Wake up the team.” Tony called,awake as ever.

“Don’t wake them FRIDAY.” Helen stopped the software and looked at the two with wary eyes. “Come with me.”

Looking at each other,Steve and Tony followed the doctor and headed to one of the conference room with fear and anxiety in their hearts.

“Helen.Is Eve alive?” Tony whispered,closing his eyes as he clenched his fist. “Because if she’s n-not…Then I don’t see the purpose of us talking.”

“Captain.Tony.Eve is alive.” There was a long silence.And soon the two men chuckled,smiling at the doctor then to the other-Hugging and smiling at themselves again. “But..”And the two men that was already at ease,looked at the doctor and felt their hearts begin to race again. “Please sit.” About to oppose,Steve shoved Tony down and sat next to him on the chairs that was scattered in the far side of the room.Steve forced himself to look at the doctor and try to read her expression to see something, but finding no explicit emotions.

“We’ve repaired her wounds and she’s currently heavily sedated.But you see.When we restored some of the ruptured cells and also her ribs,The hemorrhage in her brain was strong.Eve has Epidural hematoma. It means that a pocket of blood has formed between the skull and the tough outer layer of the brain’s protective cover.The most common cause for that is from trauma and transverse forces.” Helen stopped as she stood and opened the holograms in the infirmary where your brain x-ray was shown. ” What I’m telling you guys is,That this is the most serious complication of head injury.This can be fatal.”

“Wh-What?”

“She’s dying?”

“That we don’t know.But right now,Miss Eviana is in a deep state of coma.” And after that, Steve didn’t hear anything anymore.He took another long breath, but it was shaky and rough, his chest heaving with the emotions that he had refused to release in front of his friends.  He tried to hold them back, but it was futile, with his shoulders hunching over as the wave hit him.  Tony fell from the chair, trying to calculate some formulas and mumbling that he can save you. “I told you guys this because I know that I can’t tell it to the others.” Helen admitted,She’s a doctor and she needs to be frank about your state.Something that might be hard for the team to understand. “Especially Nat and Wanda.So please,Do tell them.I’ll be frank with you here Captain. , Mr.Stark.” Taking a long breath,Helen looked at the two guys. “Eve might not last long Sir.”

“I’ll leave you two alone.If you want to see her you can.Here are some of the things that might help her.” Helen gave them a sly smile before giving a piece of paper.

After a few minutes of sobbing, The two of them looked at the other and planned on what they will do next.On how they will tell the team.

“Can we visit her?” Tony asked, his voice shaking as Steve nodded and the two of them slowly walked their way into your room.

 Steve looked around, hearing the beeping of monitors and the hum of pumps and breathing machines that was connected to you.Your head was wrapped in a bandage,same with your right arm- your left arm in a cast along with your left leg.You were broken,physically and mentally.Steve stood at the end of your bed as he watched you breath with the help of the machine.You looked like an angel and he wanted nothing more but to get the pain that you were feeling.

Tony’s body shook when he saw you,instantly falling to the ground as he whimpered-not wanting to see your broken body anymore.

“Eve?Eve!” Bucky screamed as he went to you,forgetting the machines that was connected to you-And so before he can even ruin your peaceful sleep, Tony and Steve had to take him away and out of the room.Sam and Pietro quickly helping. “Eve.”

“It’s okay Bucky.She’s alive.She’s alive.” Steve comforted his buddy as the guy cried.And as soon as everyone woke up,They all rush inside your room to see for themselves the good news.That you were alive.

“Okay guys,Let’s go.Eve needs to rest.” Tony ordered and earning a glare from Nat as she caressed your cheeks. “Really now come on.Me and Steve have something to say.” No one budged as their eyes were all set on your body. Tony groaned as he nudged Steve’s side.

“Listen to Tony.Meeting at ten minutes.” And when Steve said it,Everyone was kissing your head goodbye and rushing outside.

“Ugh.Suckers.” Tony groaned,chuckling as they see them run to the elevator.

 It’s been two months since Helen announced your state. The team took it hard,Wanda cried herself to sleep and Bucky even left the facility for two nights making the team worry even more.But as they work it out together, everyone soon had their own schedule where they can spend some time with you. Tony had a couch brought into the infirmary where they can sit down and spend some time with you.It was one of the few things that Dr.Cho advised.To talk to you as if you were awake, It was stated in a research that hearing family members' voices really can help those in a coma to wake up sooner. And then after a week,Helen saw that your brain showed increased activity in the MRI scan and that you were really loving the video sent by Clint’s wife-Laura,of Nathaniel playing with the dog you gave him as a gift. On the third week, your finger twitched, On the fifth week-You squeezed Wanda’s hand and your brain activity were increasing rapidly.You were improving and team was getting better.Wanda and Natasha would spend a day off together as the boys go to a mission and they would buy you dresses.Tony would spoil you with a new gift everyday,better than the ones he gave you yesterday.On the seventh week,They watched you breath on your own as Helen and Bruce removed your breathing machine. Steve was certainly known for his tenacity, and this Tony was no different; the two had skipped the last three missions, sleeping for only five hours a day and Tony none. Thor would visit you daily as well,He would talk about his battles and the small fight he had with Mjolnir. The doctors told them that all they could do was wait, so that’s exactly what they did, committing to it.

And now,It was Peter’s birthday and all of them were celebrating it.Tony gave him his first new car,It was a BMW 7-Series vehicle.In the color red. “445-hp twin-turbo,4.4-liter V-8 and a 601-hp twin-turbo V-12.It’s all yours Spidey.” Peter gasped as he threw his hands in the air,catching the keys of the his new baby.

“Wow.Wow.Mr.Stark!Thank you!Thank you so much!” Biting his clenched fist,Peter observed the car as Thor and Loki looked at Tony in disbelief.

“I thought we’re not gonna exceed the limit, You man of iron.” Loki scoffed as he remembered giving Peter a new pair of earphones. Thor’s shoulder slumped as he remember his gift, a Mjolnir that he bought in the toy store. “Behead him Thor.” Loki continued to roll his eyes at Tony who was enjoying the moment.

All of them winced when a familiar sound of alarm was booming in the facility.Tony’s brows furrowed as he opened his smart phone that was mainly connected to his work room. “Is Ultron back?” Pietro joked earning a smack from Wanda.

“Vitals getting unstable!BP’s down to 60 systolic! I repeat!Calling Dr.Helen Cho.Patient Eviana Hope Kalani is unstable!Sats are dropping!” In a swift move everyone was rushing back to your room.

“Sir!You can’t go inside.You know the protocol sir.”

“Ma’am please wait in the waiting area.We are doing the best we can.”

“Don’t you know who I am?I’m Tony Stark.I am the owner of this facility and I am the one giving you your monthly pay! So move away or you better look for a new job right now.” Tony yelled as he shoved the nurse to the side.

“Tony.” Fury growled as he looked at the doctor “He’s just kidding.His name is Tony Stank.Now go do your job.”

“What the fuck Fury?!”  Tony taunted as he clenched his fist as his face got redder.About to punch the guy,But he stopped ,Everyone did.A beeping noise blasted off from your room and then doctors from left to right were shouting.

“Pressure dropping!60 over 40.I need epi here!An amp of bicarb and pour N.S. in.”

“There’s no pulse!She’s bradying down Doctor Cho!”

“Start CPR!”

“We’re losing her people!Where is that damn crash cart?!”As the team heard Helen once more,It only took a few seconds before all of them started breaking down.Tony’s vision got blurry as he stumbled away from Fury, mouth agape and tears flowing from his eyes.

“Out of the way!Move away people!” A doctor screamed as him and another doctor pushed a crash cart inside your room.

“She’s seizing!Hang two units on level one!” They heard Helen yell but was soon cut off by another beeping noise. “Don’t stop those compressions!”

“Come on Eve.Come on.” Clint whispered as tears flow on his cheeks.They were a wreck once again,As if there was no progress at all. Tony was wheezing as his chest tightened and Steve sitting,not letting his team see him. Natasha was in Bucky’s grasp as he stopped her from going inside;Vision held Wanda in his arms as the lady screamed calling your name.

“Not on my birthday ‘Iana.Not on my birthday.” Peter cried as he called your name using his nickname for you.

“Pulse check?” They heard Helen whispering,scared to hear the answer like all of them.She loved Eve,Among the team Eve was her closest because of the days you spend together watching Korean dramas and her teaching you how to speak Hangul.

“Pulse is back.I see sinus rhythm. Pressure’s returning, Sats 90, BP’s are coming up…” One of the attending continued as they finally heard your machine turn on again as your heartbeat echoed through the facility.

“We have put the tube again Doctor.” It was the last thing that the team heard before they were ushered outside by one of the nurses. “Dr.Cho will see you in a bit.”

Helen arrived shortly, with a tablet at hand and a smile on her face. “Avengers.” They all looked at her, wondering why she was so happy. “Eve might wake up soon.”

[hempoilfrog1]

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In short, the federal government has completely verified that you are getting what you are paying for since they have confirmed what is on the labels of CTFO products.

Secondly, to ensure the highest quality of CBD products, CTFO also uses non-GMO, organic, pesticide-free ingredient. CTFO promises to use only the best and purest organic hemp plant for its CBD products.

Furthermore, this CBD multi-level marketing company claims that they do no use any high heat processing or any solvent which can reduce the efficacy or potency of the CBD compound and only uses CO2 Extraction.

Speaking of potency, CTFO also claims to use a combination of both Full-spectrum hemp oil and CBD isolate which gives their product a much higher potency of CBD while also maintaining more than 120 other cannabinoids, offering extra healing benefits.

CTFO promises CBD products of the purest and highest quality CBD plus over 400 other nutrients that are in an easy-to-absorb and easy-to-use form.

3) Excellent Compensation Plan

IT’S ABSOLUTELY FREE TO JOIN

CTFO hides nothing and outlined the ways and how much can their associates earn money within the business opportunity. As with most multi-level marketing companies like CBD MLM companies, this stuff can get confusing and problematic.

Not with CTFO, though. They have a simplified compensation plan that is designed for those at the bottom to make it and making sure that everyone can succeed here at CTFO. Unlike other CBD MLM companies, or any multi-level marketing companies in general, that requires a hefty registration fee, joining CTFO is 100 percent fee.

With this CBD multi-level marketing company, you can earn 20 percent commissions on any sales that you make, without ever needing to qualify or upgrade further. They also have the easiest qualifications in the CBD Multi-level marketing industry.

  The Basic Introductory Rank is called Associate. As an Associate, you’re given a free CTFO website. Also, customers who don’t sign up as an associate but only want to buy products at discounted online prices can also receive a free CTFO website.

In addition, as you grow your downline of other affiliates and customers, and even if you do become inactive which means that you don’t have a purchase volume, you still get to earn. Thus, making it a fantastic opportunity for individuals who require flexibility when building their business.

Beyond that, CTFO also offers sustainable and realistic income. Here’s how it works:

Unilevel Pay

It allows you to earn a 20 percent commission on all personally-enrolled affiliates and customers. Plus, there’s an additional 4 percent down 4 levels in, as long as you’re an active associate.

Regenerating Matrix

This is composed of all associated within this CBD multi-level marketing company and works on a 3 x 21 structure. You get this along with the uni-level pay, as long as you’re active. It pays out 1 percent for the first 5 levels, 10 percent on the 6th and 7th levels, and 1 percent on the 8th and 21st levels.

Profit-Sharing Positions

This works as an extension of the regenerating matrix. Instead of placing a 4th person under you, they’re placed in a new matrix with you at the top. AS the matrix fills up, then it gets repeated. These are known as profit sharing positions where you are free to gain, and the payout is based on the rank. There are no requirements that need to be met in order to keep them.

Infinity Pay Bonus

This is for those who have reached the last 8 ranks available in the business. The amount will come in the percentage from your entire team’s commission volume and offers unlimited depth.

Also, this is a 3 – 5-year plan which allows CTFO associates to retire wealthy. Here, you are looking at anywhere between 3 percent plus 1.5 – 3.5 percent unless you have hit the Top Gun which is plus 8 percent of the entire commission volume pool of the company.

Business Builder Pack: The Fast Start Pay

This option offers you the chance to sell business packs for a fast start bonus. In order to qualify, you need to buy at least 1 builder pack (either platinum, gold, or silver) and sell 3 to 1 of your direct members.

You can also earn this from someone that is down your line across 21 levels. For the platinum pack, you can earn $100 for 1 – 3 packs and $400 for over 4 packs. For the gold pack, you can earn $50 for 1 -3 packs and $200 for over 4 packs. For the silver pack, you can earn $25 for 1 – 3 packs and $100 for over 4 packs.

CTFO Business Builder Packs and Pay

Business Builder Pack: The Team Pay

This option lets you earn bonuses as your team sells business builder packs. The type of pack that you are selling will determine the amount that you earn and how many levels you unlock.

If your team is selling the silver packs, it unlocks 7 levels of team pay, with gold unlocking 14 and the platinum unlocks 21.

To give you an idea of what it looks like, here’s a sample:

The first 7 levels of the silver pack offer you an extra $5, while gold offers $10 and the platinum offers $20.

If you have unlocked all 21 levels, then you can earn an extra of $75 for the silver pack, $150 for the gold pack, and $300 for the platinum pack.

What’s more, is that it is paid out on all packs which are paying out in the business builder: fast start pays revenue stream.

Join Business Builder Pack

Final Thoughts

Without a doubt, CTFO is definitely one of the best CBD MLM companies today. There product line up is diverse, lab-tested, made of the purest and highest quality, and is quite affordable, so it should not be too hard to find an interested buyer.

They truly care for their members and helping them start their own business by offering them all the promotional materials needed to advertise their business while also providing you with a free website, so your business is essentially set up for you from the get-go.

Then, there’s the excellent earning and compensation plan with 6 revenue streams, one of which offers you a 20 percent commission on all sales made by your associates or customers, so it should be really easy to become an active member while also attracting buyers.

These are just some of the best reasons as to why CTFO is a legit and sustainable business that you should definitely try!

The post Reasons Why CTFO Is one of the best CBD MLM Companies appeared first on Sell CBD Oils.

from https://hempoilfrog.com/best-cbd-mlm-companies/

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+300 Rapid Health Affirmations! (The Mind Heals The Body!) – Use This!

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Rapid Health Affirmations

Rapid Health Affirmations

In order to preserve serenity and strengthen health, we can use positive affirmations. Louise

Louise Hay,  an author of well-being in collaboration with a psychiatrist doctor Dr. Mona Schultz has determined the emotional meanings of symptoms, and positive affirmations to relieve them.

Fear can generate symptoms, let’s not let it invade us. I invite you to repeat the following statements out loud as often as you like.

You will find a list of general claims to promote healthier. and a table by current symptoms. Feeding your mind with pleasant thoughts is always positive.

  You are the only architect of your Healing

There is no one outside you who can heal you, because you yourself already have everything you need to heal within yourself.

You will say to me, “easy to say, but difficult to do.” It is true, but the difficulty is overcome, because your healing does not depend on others, it does not come from outside, because the Healing Power is within you.

You, and only you are the only architect of your Healing, whatever the problem, big or small. It just depends on you.

This is the first big truth. You are responsible for your health or illness.

    Your body is able to restore healing

There is a job on your part to do, a commitment, because it depends only on you. I can’t give you a magic formula, easy and painless to heal.

I can’t heal you and I can’t heal for you. But I can tell you that your body is able to restore healing, only if you want it, only if you really want it, only if you make your healing your main goal to achieve, and therefore you are willing to dedicate to this work to heal your best time, give it precedence, make it a burning flame perpetually in your mind.

  Meditation and Positive Affirmations

I realize I am not saying anything new. Moreover, the same concepts have been found in Eastern doctrines for over 5,000 years.

The best truth, the one that really works, is not necessarily the newest, but the one for which you are willing to commit all your physical, mental and spiritual energies.

Those who are not willing to commit themselves are very unlikely to receive anything that really matters.

    If you decide to heal, you can heal

So if you decide to heal, know that you can, if you want, if you want to engage in this endeavor, whatever the difficulties.

If you want, make this a lifestyle. We cannot go on further, enough has been said of the essentials that we need to know in order to judge whether it is worth embarking on this undertaking of Self-healing. . Regardless of what the seriousness of your situation may be, you can collaborate in a decisive way for your recovery, or at least for a significant improvement in your situation.

  Meditation and Rapid Health Affirmations

How to operate: . 1 ° Relax comfortably on a sofa, an armchair or on the bed, and relax. . 2nd Meditate on Positive Healing Affirmations. . As for relaxation, it is easily achieved: after lying down, eyes closed, observe the breath, and while you watch the breath entering and leaving, observe your body. The result is a form of muscle relaxation.

You can also help yourself in relaxation mentally, thinking “I am relaxed”, “my legs are relaxed”, “my arms are relaxed”, “my torso is relaxed”, “my face is relaxed”, etc. etc.

Once you have reached a satisfactory state of relaxation, you move on to the meditation of the Positive Affirmations.

Among the many ways of making Positive Affirmations, only one excels over all the others.  The use of the verbs “to be” and “to have” in the present tense, and some other verb that expresses immediacy, always in the present tense.

The repeated repetition of the Affirmations reinforces the Power of the Affirmations.

While making Affirmations, self-observing by reflecting on the meaning of Affirmations.

Self-observation and reflection on the meaning of the words of the Affirmation determine modifications and positive reactions in the parts of the body concerned.

Affirmations can be made mentally both in moments of meditation, which is the basis of this method, and during your normal activities of the day.

    Powerful Rapid Health Affirmations

I accept perfect health now I remove my mind and allow my body intelligence to do its healing work naturally I acquire better health day by day I’m in perfect health I’m full of energy I love life I constantly discover new ways to improve my health I love my body, I take good care of my body, I give it a lot of rest, my body is great, I love every cell in my body, it’s a pleasure to live in my body Thankful to have a healthy body All my organs are in perfect working condition All my joints are moving easily Every part of my body works perfectly My heart is strong and loving My thoughts are peaceful, my body is peaceful I know how to relax, the more I relax, the healthier I am. I am calm and serene I drink lots of water to cleanse my body and mind My whole body is going perfectly well everything is fine in my life everything is fine in my world My thoughts are peaceful I sleep well at night, my dreams are pleasant and relaxing Feeding my mind with pleasant thoughts is the shortest path to health We declare that these claims are my new truth and we accept them as such

  Video Rapid Health Affirmations

Date: 2018-11-30 02:44:51

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We (YouAreCreators) created this channel to share one of the greatest secrets of the universe, and the secret is, we literally create our reality! (Quantum Physics now proves this)

We are all governed by a set of Universal Laws, and these laws were created by GOD, to aid us in creating the life we desire. One of these laws is known as the “Law Of Attraction”, or the law of “Reaping and Sowing”.

This law simply states, whatever you give out in Thought, Word, Feeling, and Action is returned to us. Whether the return is negative, or positive, failure or success, is all up to what you give out.

Many authors and celebrities such as, Wayne Dyer, Oprah Winfrey, Will Smith, Jim Carrey, Steve Harvey, Rhonda Byrne, and many others have testified to this amazing Law Of Attraction. Its time you learn this wonderful secret…

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If you liked it, I would really appreciate it if you can share it using one of the social sharing icons.

Also, leave me a comment and let me know what you thought – I love talking to the readers, so hopefully will talk to you in the comments below.

Rapid Health Affirmations

The post +300 Rapid Health Affirmations! (The Mind Heals The Body!) – Use This! appeared first on Manifestation Matters.

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Exclusive Interview: San Antonio Mayor Ron Nirenberg

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Health Fitness Revolution and its founder Samir Becic have created a list of the Top 10 Fittest Mayors 2018. Since 2013, HFR has been creating lists of the fittest politicians in various branches of government in order to motivate Americans to embrace a healthier lifestyle.

After talking with San Antonio Mayor Ron Nirenberg and learning of his fitness routine, Samir nicknamed him “The Gladiator Mayor.”

“Ron Nirenberg is truly one of the physically strongest mayors and politicians in the United States,” Becic said. “His fitness routine can easily be compared with many professional athletes. He is a great advocate of a healthy lifestyle and promotes it constantly to his constituents. San Antonio, your mayor is a winner!”  

Samir Becic: Mayor Nirenberg, I was just reading your biography yesterday, and I am so impressed! With your fitness routines and how fit you are, we are going to put you on the list of the top 10 Fittest U.S. Politicians immediately. With this kind of resume, I have never seen it before.

Mayor Nirenberg: Oh, wow! Well thank you, I am honored.

  View this post on Instagram

  This place gave as good as it got. One more for the memories and the pain. Thanks for the memories Bob, Mary, Jill, Milo, JD, Kevin, Lou, Steve, Joe, Phillip, and all the crew. OLYMPIC GYM FOREVER.

A post shared by Mayor Ron Nirenberg (@ron_nirenberg) on Feb 11, 2018 at 12:05pm PST

Samir Becic: Thank you for being so great, and for being a true American hero who is a great example for our children to be healthier and fitter.

Mayor Nirenberg: Well thank you, I am humbled to hear you say that. Truthfully it has just been part of my day for so long and it is something I can’t give up, but it’s certainly important to what we are trying to do for our community.

Samir Becic: We don’t want you to give up, we want you to motivate all the other mayors to be like you.

Mayor Nirenberg: (Laughs) There are a few other things that I have tried to persuade them about, but that will be a fun list for sure!

Samir Becic: I am more than impressed with your background. I am interviewing over 20 mayors in the next three days and your resume is stunning!

Mayor Nirenberg: Fitness is something I take very seriously and I am a firm believer in mind, body, spirit, and balance. The truth of the matter is, being an elected leader, being a mayor of a large city, I spend most of my day from the neck up that I have to have a high-intensity fitness regime to balance myself out and to keep myself sane and happy.

  View this post on Instagram

  From rusted and retired to restored and ready for action. Thanks Willie and @el_guapo_fabrication for giving new life to the NFT iron!

A post shared by Mayor Ron Nirenberg (@ron_nirenberg) on May 26, 2018 at 2:11pm PDT

Samir Becic: That is so true, and lots of politicians don’t know how to cope with stress. Am I correct in saying that you are only 41 years old?

Mayor Nirenberg: Yes.

Samir Becic: Do you think your involvement in sports helped you become so successful and goal-oriented as the mayor of one of the largest cities in America?

Mayor Nirenberg: I certainly credit athletics, especially being in individual sports with very little instant gratification that requires a long-term outlook and self-discipline.

Samir Becic: I can clearly see that. I can tell from your body stance that you are an extremely lean man. You’re definitely one of the fittest, not only of all mayors in the country, but you are one of the fittest politicians in the United States period, and probably one of the fittest politicians in the world. What motivates you to be healthy? You mentioned to reduce stress, but what is that internal motivation that you hope to accomplish with a healthy lifestyle?

Mayor Nirenberg: Well I can say this, being fit and being strong allows me to enjoy life better, and I like to eat!

Samir Becic: I understand (laughs).

Mayor Nirenberg: I enjoy having a bigger lifestyle, not being limited by my physicality.  I have been doing anything I want to do, so being fit certainly helps me get the most out of what life has to offer.

Samir Becic: I agree, I’m a big believer in that. And for the last six years my team and I are trying to find the fittest politicians in America to motivate Americans to be healthy and fitter because childhood obesity is rising in America. What would you suggest to our kids or to their parents to do in order to stop childhood obesity and Type 2 diabetes in America?

Mayor Nirenberg: Well I will say that physical fitness and your mental state of mind go hand in hand, and in order for people to truly be happy, they have to be physically active and include the body, mind, and spirit. In fact, I had a dream once, and it still may happen when I am retired, to open a gym and have part of it include physical and mental aspects of learning.

Samir Becic: Mayor, before you retire and open that gym, I would love to have you as a governor or senator because I think you can inspire more people just as you inspire me. Right now in America, corporations are losing billions of dollars in because of unhealthy employees, sick days and non-dynamic environment. As John F. Kennedy said, “Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, but it is also the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.” What is your stance on that?

Mayor Nirenberg: I agree wholeheartedly and I believe that in order for one’s brain chemistry to work at its peak, it has to be balanced, and the only way to achieve that is through a properly balanced physical lifestyle.

Samir Becic: Yes I agree with you, and I just finished publishing my book about eight or nine months ago called Resync Your Life, which is about the body, mind, and spirit. It’s about physical fitness, healthy nutrition, mental, social and spiritual balance.

Mayor Nirenberg: I would love to read it.

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  ‪Jonah and I getting our kicks at the @finalfour FanFest with the @capitalone 360 cam. FUN! @marchmadness @sa_sports84 @visitsanantonio

A post shared by Mayor Ron Nirenberg (@ron_nirenberg) on Apr 1, 2018 at 3:04pm PDT

Samir Becic: I would love to send it to you! So, Mayor, fitness connects people, and fit people can be any race, any religion, and any background. What are you doing in San Antonio to connect people through fitness so that we can break the barriers?

Mayor Nirenberg: We are building a better city and we are connecting fitness opportunities with our infrastructure with things like park development, creek ways, pedestrian access to hiking and bike trails and we are learning how to build our city to where people can exercise and have a healthier lifestyle. The other thing I am doing is good behavior with different program events and in schools. I started a “Get Strong” fitness campaign which was intended to show all the different ways that people can have fun and get fit and adapt to the lifestyle that best suits them. I used to have a fitness consulting business 15 years ago, and my clients would ask me, “What’s the best fitness routine?” I would tell them the best fitness routine for me is the one that you will stick to! And so I want to show different ways people can adopt a healthy lifestyle so they find it convenient.

Samir Becic: Is there anything you could tell us about yourself that the public doesn’t know?

Mayor Nirenberg: Well I actually did some graduate work in bodybuilding. I was not a bodybuilder until I was in graduate school and one of the reasons why I got into it was to study how people’s identities change when they became bodybuilders, and so as an autoethnography, I have a thesis written in bodybuilding. And in 2005, I won the National Texas Cup in powerlifting for my weight class.

Samir Becic: Wow! And how much do you weigh, Mayor, if I may ask?

Mayor Nirenberg: I weigh a little under 200 now and I am lighter than I want to be, but at peak, I was 212.

Samir Becic: Ok that is great. Most people don’t understand how physical fitness impacts the brain. Scientific research has shown that the grey matter in the brain is tremendously improved by working out, and that the left and right brain hemispheres actually communicate much better. Now that I know this and know that you are not only a fitness enthusiast, but you actually have a scientific approach towards the brain, I can talk to you a little bit more about that because I don’t think we have many mayors who can actually do that. How would you correlate physical fitness and the brain and how you choose your balance and balance of stress?

Mayor Nirenberg: They are inextricably linked. Brain activity functions through chemistry and chemistry remains balanced when you are releasing the endorphins and other antioxidants that occur when you exercise, and without it, you don’t function at top capacity. People who have the experience after they run or after they exercise of thinking more clearly, that’s happening physically in your body and so maintaining a healthy lifestyle will allow you to have not just positive moods, but also enhance brain activity.

Samir Becic: This is so true and I’m so glad that you understand that and I wish at least 50 percent of America understood at least 50 percent of what you’re saying and have 50 percent of your knowledge. It is tremendously important to know that through healthy lifestyle you can not only manage or completely avoid 60 to 70 percent of known illnesses but you are actually becoming the best nature/God created in the first place. So you really are getting the best DNA expression as well. On another note, this is interesting, I see you received a $25,000 prize for health equity efforts.

Mayor Nirenberg: This actually just happened today and we were named one of the top cities in America with regards to health equity, and I was named by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation. We are going to be a finalist and finding out the actual winner within the next month or two. It’s quite an achievement, considering the list that San Antonio has been on for the last couple of decades ranking us as among the most obese cities. So we are really turning that around and it has been a community-wide effort.

Samir Becic: That is very noble, Mayor. I’m trying to do this with mayor Sylvester Turner right now in Houston and like San Antonio, has been known as one of the fattest cities in America for a long time. But I also read an interesting fact, that you started working out when you were 14 years old.

Mayor Nirenberg: Yeah, I was very skinny and I started working out because I was inspired by my heroes growing up.

Samir Becic: Who was your hero?

Mayor Nirenberg: Well, I was a boy in the ’80s, and I watched all the Arnold (Schwarzenegger) movies.

Samir Becic: Arnold, ok! You know what I like about Arnold? In 1989, he was former President George Bush Sr.’s Fitness Czar of America. He actually went to all the governors and the mayors of major cities to motivate them to be healthy and fit. That’s why I like him. Arnold did an amazing job but I don’t think that people ever realized how much effort he put into this.

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  @schwarzenegger loves SA and @afterschoolallstars. Check out a special message from Arnold. Thanks, @alamocitycomiccon!

A post shared by Mayor Ron Nirenberg (@ron_nirenberg) on Oct 28, 2018 at 7:07pm PDT

Mayor Nirenberg: Yeah I remember staying up on Saturday night after SNL, the American Gladiators would come on, and I would convince my dad to buy me a weight set, but I really didn’t get serious about it until  I was a freshman in college and I went to see a trainer to give me a routine because I was just so skinny. I wanted him to teach me how to eat and to work out. He did and I never stopped.

Samir Becic: One more question: What three tips you would say to Americans on how to be healthy and fitter?  

Mayor Nirenberg: Move it or lose it, stop eating sugar, and in addition to that, if it’s in a package, don’t eat it.

Samir Becic: That is really wise and I couldn’t say it better myself. Thank you, Mayor Nirenberg, you rock!

  View this post on Instagram

  Early voting starts TUESDAY for YOUR next Mayor! We need YOUR help. Please reach out to us for any questions (210) 201- 2618 or at 1001 Broadway. Let’s create a #CityYOUDeserve

A post shared by Mayor Ron Nirenberg (@ron_nirenberg) on May 27, 2017 at 1:39pm PDT

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