#in other cases he shit i’ve said made me feel like an asshole after and pushed this wedge between me and my sibling

[anachronistic-falsehood]

BREAKDOWN IN THE COOKIE AISLE AT WORK

[hyuckswoman]

« remind me why I’m here again please? » your bestfriend renjun says as he takes his shoes off to enter your place

you told him to come extra early because as always you were nervous as shit and needed someone to vent to before meeting up with mark near the park

« renjun please stop taking the piss out of me before I get where you are and get violent » you say as you’re heading to the kitchen going to grab something to drink

« I am literally not making fun of you, also I haven’t completely made my mind up on whether I should ditch you or not so I’d watch it if I were you » your bestfriend says sitting on your couch

you watched amused from the kitchen seeing how comfortable he is around your place, it made you happy to see such an important friend to you ease so well into your living space

« you’re here because i gave mark flowers and never want to be alone with him ever again » you say handing him the glass of water 

« you do realize that if you actually want something to happen with mark, you’re going to have to hang out alone with him even if you’re nervous about it » you bestfriend says sighing

« i don’t even know if I want something to happen with mark it’s all so… quick and scary you know? and also I have hung out with him alone before like right after my finals for example?? » you say throwing yourself on your couch to really emphasize the dramatic effect of the whole thing

« true, but anyway you’ve had a crush on mark- or sorry hallway crush on mark for like two years? and now that you guys are finally getting to know each other that’s when you wanna back off? » your friend says not really understanding you 

« like you said, I’ve had a hallway crush on mark for a long time, it was fun pretending that he definitely looked at me and that he’s in love with me just because he glanced at my direction for a micro second. It would make me laugh so hard having mark in my vicinity and going to tell you guys about it saying how he practically proposed to me. But now that I actually got to know him, he’s nice and we’re friends and I get along with him. I don’t want to have an actual crush on mark where i seriously start to overanalyze whatever the man does to comfort me instead of the funny delusions i used to have. I don’t want to have an actual serious crush on mark because I don’t want to lose him as a friend. I thought I was doing a good job but that fuckass flower bouquet oh my god.. my hands were so sweaty and I was so nervous, I didn’t want him to think that I was weird and I was so scared and I feel like that’s not a reaction that I want to have when being with mark, I honestly don’t know where my feelings stand today and it’s not something I wanna find out. that’s why I need you here for support today » you rant to your friend not even bothering to look at him in case you start to actually get emotional or something 

« can’t believe I’m only here to be your emotional support animal or whatever » renjun says getting up from the couch (probably to refill his glass)

« noooooooo don’t say that, you’re making me sound like an asshole » you say voice muffled as you’re hugging your friend from the back (or more like hanging off of him while he very painfully drags you to the kitchen)

« you are an asshole » he replies to which you only nod, it was fair after all. 

« but whatever I’m here so unless I start to feel like a third wheel I’ll be by your side the whole time so you don’t have to worry, now go get dressed now cause otherwise we’ll be running late » renjun finishes 

as you head into your room you softly smile finding comfort in the fact that no matter how badly this whole mark situation ends, you’ll still have your friends to back you up

you were standing next to renjun who was sitting on a bench complaining about the park that was- and i quote- a longer walk then what you told him. as you were about to speak to get him to shut up you hear both your names being called 

« hi, I’m sorry I hope you guys didn’t wait for long » mark says

holy shit the man looked good. suspiciously so. 

« no we just got here because the walk was THIRTY MINUTES and not fifteen like she told- » before your best friend could finish his sentence you put your hand over his mouth, you had ENOUGH

« renjun, i love you, really you know I do now PLEASE ENOUGH » you say as renjun puts his hands up innocently and mark laughs 

« do you guys know what you wanna do? » mark asks to which you both shrug 

you looked at your surroundings spotting a cool cafe that seemed cozy enough for you guys to stay in so you pointed at it and in a mutual agreement they both nodded

« so how long have you guys been friends? » mark asks you chuckle quietly seeing how hard he was trying to make this less awkward (it also reminded you of when he did that the first time you sat next to donghyuck)

«  i don’t even know man, i only remember seeing his drawings and i was gagged, i thought he was the coolest person i had ever seen in my life… little did i know tho » you say earning an elbow to your side from renjun

« omg wait renjun i didn’t tell you… mark congratulated us for being in a relationship the other day » you say as mark immediately gets red and renjun looks at you in confusion trying to decipher if you want mark to believe that you’re dating him so he should play along or if he should tell the truth 

« i’m sorry, it’s just the tweets, i believed you guys were dating.. man why would you tell him im so embarrassed now » mark says and before you could reply your friend bursts out laughing 

« cmon now.. the thought of me dating you surely isn’t that fucking funny » you say cause why the fuck was he laughing that hard

« yes it is oh my god… yea no not in a relationship not now not ever » he replies as you just frown 

«  you know what? ningning would never treat me like that, i’m going to ditch all of you for other people i can’t keep being disrespected like that » you say, mark raises his hands up

« what did i do?? » he defends himself « you’re laughing!! » you reply to which he only nods 

« so you take piano lessons? i’ve heard you play before and have a hard time imagining what you could possibly learn more » you say trying to make conversation 

« no haha, i give piano lessons to a child, i do it here and there to make a bit of money » mark replies

« damn, maybe i should do something with my life to get a bit of money too, i’ll like babysit or something » you say more to yourself than anyone 

« babysit?? i don’t think anyone in their right mind should trust you with their kid » renjun says 

« i have to start somewhere though i mean look you sell your art, make gives piano lessons the fuck am i supposed to do?? » you reply sipping on your drink

« i’ve just got this crazy idea.. what if you like gave bass lessons? » mark says pretending to be enlightened because… duh? why would you consider babysitting when you can play the bass?

you just shrug at him because you weren’t in the mood for reassurance which you know would come if you told the two men you’re eating with that you couldn’t give bass lessons cause you’re not talented enough 

as you were sipping on the (very overpriced but very good) drink you ordered you stopped for a second to watch your bestfriend and mark just being completely in love with each other. you giggled quietly remembering the whole speech renjun gave you about putting yourself out there to catch mark’s attention when as it turns out he’s the one stealing your man from you

« why am i third wheeling right now » you say with a smile on your face, this whole situation was just too funny 

« yea, that’s crazy, i didn’t know we would get along so well. renjun, i was so intimidated when she told me you were coming » mark says

« i’m glad i’m here though, you really are nice i understand why jaemin and y/n like you so much » renjun says somehow emphasizing the fact that you ‘like him so much’ 

« cmon now i don’t like him THAT much let’s take it down a notch » you say defending yourself. mark was going to eventually figure out you liked him but it was definitely NOT today 

« you’re so obsessed with me oh my god » mark says laughing

as you guys were heading out of the café (after multiple hours of you third wheeling) renjun turned to both of you guys. you expected the worst seeing his quick apologetic glance he threw at you 

« guys i’m so sorry i’m gonna have to go but please by all means continue your hangout i wouldn’t want it stopping just because i leave i mean after all i wasn’t even supposed to be here in the first place » he said. he looked so apologetic you almost couldn’t get mad at him. 

almost. because you knew him too well and knew for a fact that he did not have anything planned at all and was just ditching you guys to make you hang out with mark alone. how did you know? first of all the fact he so clearly insisted on the hang out not being over just because he left but also because of the small smile (more like smirk) he was so desperately trying to fight. asshole.

as he hugs you before leaving he whispers in your ear « you’ll do fine i’m sure of it, and if you don’t then i owe you for life or something » then he left. and suddenly you wanted to kill yourself 

« you can leave if you want, i won’t tell renjun i promise » mark says looking..apologetic? 

« huh? » you answer because why was he looking at you like that

«  i know you didn’t wanna hang out alone with me and i don’t want to make you uncomfortable so you can leave » mark says not even looking at you anymore suddenly finding the ground much more interesting 

« it’s crazy how big of an asshole i must be oh my god. i won’t leave though, not unless you want me to. i’ll be honest i didn’t want to hang out with you alone because i thought you would find me weird since i gave you a bouquet and i got nervous » yeaaa…. that’s definitely why yup! 

mark bursts out laughing « that’s why?? dude i really loved the bouquet you shouldn’t feel nervous. and we’ve hung out alone before so bouquet or not you shouldn’t feel nervous with me we’re friends » he says putting his arm around your shoulder (you would’ve totally freaked out if the man hadn’t called you his friend right before doing that)

« i’m glad i got to meet renjun though, you guys seem close » he says removing his arm from your shoulder ( ☹️ )

« yea renjun is an amazing friend honestly i wouldn’t trade him for the world, he constantly reassures me and takes care of me i really wonder what good deeds i’ve done to deserve the man » you say

« sounds like you might have a little crush » mark teases

« nah, i love renjun to the core but it’s really not like that, he’s my twin flame my best friend, i’m just immensely grateful for everything he’s done for me » you finish your rant, mark only nods somehow understanding what you’re telling him

« oh there’s another park not far away let’s go » mark says

«  im down » you answer 

once arriving to the park, mark automatically goes to the playground, an action that made you chuckle a bit

« dude check out there monkey bars, i used to be so good when i was younger » mark says climbing on them 

« really? i hated those so much i only went on the swings and slides » you answer while mark calls you boring

after three hours of talking (and playing) it was now getting late so you both decided to go home, with mark walking you there of course. 

you were now in front of your apartment 

« thank you for agreeing to go out with me today. i’m glad we’ve moved past the awkward stage of our friendship. thank you for the flowers again, you never fail to make me feel special, i hope one day i can make you feel that too » mark says 

« duuuude you are special i’m not even doing anything. also i’m glad we’re friends too. and you need to stop thanking me for the flowers it was nothing » you answer

« maybe it wasn’t much to you but it means so much more than you could ever imagine to me. anyway i won’t bother you any longer, goodbye y/n » mark says 

« bye mark » you say waving at him before closing the door. 

you make him feel special. 

35. third wheel

previous chapter masterlist next chapter

notes: this chapter had me stressed omg (none of this is proofread so if you see any mistakes.. no you don't tf) (i say this as if any of my chapters are proofread lol) (to the 💎 anon i saw your ask n yes you can be 💎 anon (i haven't answered bc i'll answer when i publish your req) ) ALSO to every other person that requested smt i wll work on it just not now as my finals are coming up lol

also idk if anyone noticed (you probably did not) but not only a new mark nickname unlocked but also a new contact name?? ohhh these two are ADVANCING (i also had a full mental breakdown (almost cried) bc my taglist wasn't working and wasn't tagging anybody?? so ply tell me if it didn't work for youuu)

taglist (open): @imsiriuslyreal @iscocohere @simpforarmihn @replayenthusiast @lovm4rk @youreintheclubb @polarisjisung @sour-chaos @jising-jisang-jisung @aerivrs @multifandomania @tiddygang2020 @roseangelxfuma @skepvids @morkiee @yangasm @artstaeh @pussyslayerhd @bacons-thighs @bugcattie @leefullsun @jkslvsnella @alethea-moon @marvelahsobx @haechansbbg @katsukis1wife @winuvs @n0hyuck @whats-my-question @jaehyunastico @hibernatinghamster @user7520 @m1dn1ghtv1olet @starwonb1n @lostinneocity @miniature-tragedy @llearlert @haezyhyuck @inosfavgf @bluesinfinities @calumsfringe @cigarettesafterjae @defzcl @delfdiary @minkyuncutie

[aetherbound]

It’s been a week since I posted about turning off Discord notifications…and they’re still off. I feel somewhat better, but I keep fluctuating between barely functioning to having enough social energy to send a few texts over discord. Hopefully I can be more active again.

Thanks for being understanding, I love y’all <3

A wall of personal ranting text is under the cut, I just needed to let it out somewhere that isn’t my venting notes.

I worked 51 hours in two weeks and made $408. My half of the rent is $435. We’re okay, my partner makes good money to pay a few extra dollars, but he shouldn’t have to. I should be making more money, but I’m not. I don’t have enough leftover on any paycheck after bills and groceries to afford a car payment and car insurance.

And the best part is? I need a car to get a better job to make more money to pay on more important things. Right now my partner and his parents drive me to and from work, but I’m actively trying to get a license and car so I don’t have to rely on them. It seems impossible to buy a car with what I have left over from paychecks. I’d get laughed at if I said I could only put $20 down at a used car lot.

My managers are assholes and I’m told in a joking way “You suck.” “You’re slow.” “Shut up, no one wants to hear you talk.” I wish I was exaggerating and not quoting verbatim. Realistically, I’m not doing a bad job. My managers are just older men who like to use rude humor. My PTSD symptoms are still flaring up more often because they purposely slam things and laugh when I jump and cover my ears. On three separate occasions I’ve had to tell people NOT to use my deadname, and if it happens again I don’t know if I can keep calm and not scream.

In all my 24 years of living, of domestic violence, borderline homelessness and more horrors, I’ve only had 6 months of peace. Then that’s when the whole cancer fiasco started. I’m a year out from my last chemo infusion and my stress levels have been the same. Did I really just survive cancer to STILL be stressed? To go from a good job and shitty household to move into a better household and shitty job? My life is a fucking joke.

I’m waiting to hear back from a Filipino restaurant to see if their hours and pay are better, but I’m still looking at other places to work in case it doesn’t work out. I have an appointment next Tuesday to ask my doctor about getting medicated. Something to get my anxiety stabilized or something when I’m about to spiral into a panic attack.

Things will get better, when you’re at the bottom the only way is up. But I’m fucking exhausted man. I’m tired of coming home from work and feeling like I want to scream and break shit. I’m not a violent person, I’ve never even screamed at someone. I’ve not ever thrown things. When I’m angry, I just cry or be silent.

I just want things to be better before I completely break. I feel off, and that’s besides from my depersonalization/disassociation being heightened. I hate feeling irritable and numb. Maybe I’m being too sensitive and need to get over it.

But the sun will rise and so must I.

[lycanbucky]

yeah dude the way caesar reacted to your ask seemed excessively defensive. i think that on some level there should be an expectation/responsibility for compassion when we are posting about violence like animal cruelty online (even as a meme), at least on blogs where it is not something you would reasonably expect to see. and i guess it is his choice not to, but it is definitely not ridiculous of you to ask. he said its your job to create your own experience, but if everybody randomly posted animal violence and then got angry would somebody asked for it to be tagged, then that would be impossible. his own logic relies on the (correct) premise that other people are less of an asshole than him.

Exactly! I absolutely agree that we need to create an online environment that’s safe for ourselves and our personal needs, and to expect some amount of deviation outside of our comfort zone.

But using tags is rendered completely useless if even one person refuses to use those tags, especially for commonly upsetting or triggering content. And like you said, in cases where it’s not something we’re expecting to see. So if I’m the one responsible for curating my online experience, but I’m not being given the context to do so, somehow I’m the one at fault for asking for the proper filters. Ok. 😂 I understand that we have no way of predicting what will upset those around us, but a certain amount of empathy and understanding is needed if we’re going to get anywhere in life. It costs nothing to be kind, and to instead react with purposeful and inflammatory misinterpretations (to the point of negatively impacting their own well-being, it looks like), says a lot more about them than it does about me. Plus, they literally told me to block them, since they would be refusing to use tags. So I did. And apparently that was an issue, too, lol.

It’s just wild to see how far they’re going to misinterpret what I wrote, and to project their clearly significant issues onto my words. I made a request, and was denied, so I followed their suggestion and blocked them while acknowledging that I wouldn’t be getting that kindness from them. And somehow that translates to (and I quote, because I just checked and they’re STILL going on about this, lmao), “framing them as a huge piece of shit,” “lashing out,” and “harassing them to all hell.”

Like, my post is right there. All I said was, “I clearly won’t get any compassion here, so I’m peacing out, and I hope nobody treats you in this way when you’re upset and need kindness.” And they’re making post after post about it, talking about how I’m accusing them of being a horrible person, how I’m in an echo chamber of entitlement, etc.

I don’t know who they are or what they’re going through, but they’re clearly in a rough place if they feel the need to latch on this strongly to a simple request and unfollow. They made the choice not to use the tag, so I acknowledged that and blocked them, yet they’re the one creating a whole ruckus about it. They didn’t have to post it publicly, but I guess they needed the validation. Who knows.

Thank you for your support in this, though! It’s been a while since I’ve been caught up in any internet drama, so I guess it means I’m managing to surround myself with kind-hearted people outside of this. 😊

[casliveblog]

Custom Toonami Block Week 149 Rundown

Spy X Family: So yeah Anya’s got midterms and if she does really well she gets a gym badge but if she fails she gets an anti-gym badge for every subject she flunked so wiping out means she’d be halfway to failing entirely. The family gets Yuri to tutor her and makes some feigns towards plot progression from the dog arc but honestly I kinda really like the Yuri/Anya dynamic, like they’re both completely unhinged in the exact opposite ways so one of them is always saying something crazy as soon as the other comes back to sense. Though even though he manages to give her some motivation, Anya’s basically the opposite of a Mary Sue and is terrible at everything and can never improve so it doesn’t really work. They also mention that she loses her powers during a New Moon like she’s fucking Inuyasha or something but she hasn’t really been reading minds during tests in the first place, like initially she said she just didn’t know who was good at what subject yet so she wasn’t sure whose mind to read but it’s MID-TERMS I feel like she should probably have a good idea by now but even on other tests where she has her powers she’s doing crappily. Also there’s this weird little skit where Loid’s following this guy that’s a terrible spy trying to break in and change the grades while he’s ALSO trying to break in and change the grades and it just kinda makes everything more difficult. This guy strikes me as the kind of guy that thinks he’s a Rogue in a D&D campaign and he can just bluff and duck his way into top level shit completely ignoring the reality of how tight real security is. The guy’s ego’s so big he just lets Loid go as a witness and Loid just undoes the work he was doing to make the Desmond kids fail (which Loid theorizes was done by a political rival but I’mma say it was Desmond himself kicking his kids in the teeth because he’s an asshole and is like ‘failure will make you stronger, try sucking less’ because it would be more dramatic) Loid’s about to change Anya’s grades but he finds out she just barely passed everything so he lets her keep the mediocre score she earned because if he suddenly made her good enough to get a gym badge it’d be hella suspicious and not getting any anti-gym badges is best case scenario really. Though they show her grades and they’re in… the 30s? Like they show they’re still on a 100 point scale so like, how is a 30 passing? Everywhere I’ve been under a 60 is an F and some are more strict than even that so what kind of education system for this snobby prep school lets kids get away with 30s?

Inuyasha: So this episode is basically the fallout of everyone being like ‘wait was that fucking Kikyo?’ last episode, Not!Kikyo wipes out all of Abi’s birds and just kinda runs off and we get the usual ‘oh gosh Kikyo was mentioned so Inuyasha’s gonna be wistful for three episodes and Kagome’s gonna be mildly annoyed at everything because neither of them can make up their damn minds’ which to be fair they kind of curtail the period of it at this point in the series but after seeing it so often it’s really getting old, especially since her supposed death at Mt. Hakurei had its own little mini-arc, like we keep giving Kikyo closure and she keeps just coming back. But yeah they head off to meet her and Inuyasha’s kinda wishy-washy about wanting to go so he separates from the others to down some mook demons that only take him like five seconds anyway and he meets Kikyo’s avatar and her new attendants and turns out they’re all just Shikikami and Kagura’s happy to see Kikyo’s probably still alive because that pisses Naraku off but she gives up because she’s definitely not ten feet away in a Minority Report pool. Kagome gets through a barrier to see the REAL Kikyo who’s in a Minority Report pool trying to sleep off the poison and… death I guess.

Yu Yu Hakusho: This one’s a super exposition-heavy episode and spoilers but at the end we learn that part or all of it might be bullshit so it feels like one of those Attack on Titan episodes where they spend the whole episode planning a thing and then it just goes tits up at the very end of the episode and they have to wing it anyway. Essentially the three bald men that visit Yusuke are guys basically as strong as him and Hiei/Kurama but they’re using demonic pacemakers to put them on mook level so the barrier lets them through. In Demon World there’s three kings, the ‘let’s not eat humans’ guy, the ‘let’s maybe eat humans in moderation’ guy and the ‘let’s eat all the humans’ guy, and luckily Yusuke’s ancestor is the first one and not the last one but that also means he’s dying because he’s essentially been on a GOOP diet of bullshit for the past thousand years and that means war’s about to break out thanks to the power vacuum in Demon World. Now basically most of what Yusuke heard of all that is these bald-headed freaks think they’re stronger than him so he demands a fight. Turns out the leader’s ability is basically Luffy if he was in Parasyte the Maxim and he does some bullshit to tie Yusuke up and stab him in a despite still wearing his demon pacemaker and neither me or Yusuke buy that shit and he just fucking breaks the guy’s neck and asks if they love their king so much how come they still eat humans against his wishes. It’s a pretty good moment of Yusuke putting on his Phoenix Wright hat and actually outsmarting the bad guys while they’re still in the ‘we’re the new arc villains and we’re stronger than you’ phase so yeah he calls out them lying to him and puts them on the spot for how much of the story is exactly true.

Jujutsu Kaisen: Megumi and blind archer guy are having their fight and there’s more clan rich people eugenics bullshit and blind guy has the power of Gear Second and Deadman Wonderland and just wants his slutty mom to be a slutty happy mom Megumi’s just like ‘fuck you and your slutty mom you’re not killing my friend’ but uhh yeah I’ve been comparing this arc to the Chunin Exams and we’re officially at the Sand Village attacking part because the big boss spirit and all the other spirits they were supposed to be hunting get wiped out by the one-armed spirit’s Wood Style and they erect a specifically anti-Gojo barrier to keep his overpowered ass out of this fight. So yeah Scar-sensei and old dude go in to help and apparently old dude wields the power of Goofy Goober Rock which makes that one scene in the opening make a lot more sense in retrospect. Megumi, Blind Dude and Sushi Boy get swept up by the one armed cursed spirit and turns out they’re basically the reverse of a Captain Planet villain and just want people to stop polluting and shit and they’ll kill them all and more surprisingly a GIRL, I mean this is why cartoons give everything female long eyelashes because I couldn’t fucking tell and I guess she’s just got her tits out all the time but she’s got enough muscle that it doesn’t matter. So yeah we’ve got one of the main boss henchmen dropping in to say hello and judging by the preview and the opening she’s gonna head to Yuji next time, weird since I thought their plan was to trap Gojo in a Hyper Cube and you’d figure literally isolating him from everyone else would make a great time to try that but we’ll see I guess.

Zom 100: So this one’s kind of a rough one, like I’ll probably get to it at the end but there’s a lot of good points for this episode but also some stuff that bugs me a bit. Akira and Kencho have made a little mancave on top of the roof from last episode and inexplicably the power STILL works, like my god whoever’s keeping the electricity on during the zombie apocalypse deserves a raise. Kencho finds Akira’s bucket list and starts adding his own stuff to it, saying he’s going to see Akira’s journey through to the end now. They talk about the list a bit and how Akira has dating a flight attendant on the list because I guess that’s a fetish? But turns out Akira has never had a girlfriend at all and stupidly tells Kencho he’ll have one by the end of the day. So shelving that they decide to go shopping for a big-screen tv and end up trapped in a department store with one shady guy and three ladies who happen to be… flight attendants! Like I joked at the beginning of this show that Akira’s just had a mental break and there are no zombies and he’s just insane but if this world is real it really does seem to be bending to fit his crazy ideas. So yeah, the oldest and objectively coolest flight attendant gets drunk and bitten by the shady guy when he turns into a zombie and Kencho just straight up bangs the other one in the mattress department while Akira has a tender moment with the moe-est of them right after she makes it super clear there’s no romantic connection. Still they talk and Akira gives his usual deal about not letting your dreams be dreams and gets this girl excited to continue living her dream… just in time for her to die by getting bitten by the shady guy. Now notably they don’t make Akira mercy kill her, this is still mostly a comedy series and we’re not trying to heap Carl Grimes levels of trauma on our genki protagonist bur yeah she admits she’s content with the fun date they had and got to make people feel better during her job so she’s okay with Akira and Kencho getting the hell out of dodge, with Akira wanting to find out what his childhood dream was since Kencho has one and the moe attendant girl gave a pretty good speech about her own motivations and Akira admits to himself that his advertizing dream was just him getting caught up in a drive for success rather than something he really wanted to do. So yeah, cool story but like it’s hard to ignore this whole episode is just a long drawn out way to fridge these three girls, like straight up SAO Saki traumadumping by making these girls as moe as possible without giving them too much character development so we feel just bad enough when they die and it feels a little manipulative for a series that zig-zags how serious the zombies actually are so it leaves a slight sour taste in my mouth, like I can see the cogs of manipulation turning but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still effective cause damn it was sad to watch those girls die.

Ranking of Kings: Daida!Bosse is telling Snake Guy about how Miranjo’s family is from a kingdom that is the origin of magic and as such they were like ‘man fuck the gods’ and went to the Asshole Kingdom to recruit assholes to help them fight the gods but the Assholes of Asshole Kingdom were, shocker, asssholes, and turned on them and killed Miranjo’s mom as soon as things looked bad. Also all the gods are giant dudes that wear masks similar to Ouken’s, not sure if that’s relevant.Hilling meets back up with Spear Guy, Sword Guy, and Kirito and gets hyped for Bojji’s new powers while healing Spear Guy and sending the three of them off to help Bojji who is meanwhile still fighting Ouken. Despa and the Guard Captain show up because Bojji’s got this but he’s basically fighting that one round of the Seath the Scaleless fight where he just heals infinitely and it sucks. Though it turns out Despa has no practical power of his own and was calling in an airdrop from Desha this whole time so I guess he related to Bojji a lot more than we thought. Ouken’s figured out how to get around the lightning spam and stabs both Despa and the captain to let them bleed out because that’s his favorite thing to do despite killing anyone in this series already being hard enough without your main technique being ‘death monologue sword’ like I get it’s basically a pacifist series that promots Bojji’s kind-heartedness as the way of the future but people keep dodging these bullets so often I don’t have any confidence anyone’s actually going to die. Anyway Ouken goes after Kage next and manages to stab Bojji in the leg when he goes to protect him so now Bojji can’t dodge which is like his whole thing, but Kage turns into a giant shadow creature and eats Ouken so there’s that I guess.

Vinland Saga: So Thorfinn fights Thorkell in earnest and I think they just straight-up reuse some of the stuff from the opening but it’s pretty cool so it’s okay. Thorkell’s armored and huge so even though Thorfinn can dance around him all day he can’t really do more than give him papercuts. Thorkell makes fun of Thorfinn’s skill with a blade since he’s fast and strong but he basically just punches shit with daggers in his hands and Thorfinn calls him out on lecturing someone that’s fighting evenly with him and Thorkell tells him he wants to find his missing link too and hopes to find it through battle so he asks Thorfinn what it means to be a True Warrior which reminds Thorfinn of his dad’s death and how he’s currently in the process of fucking up his dad’s dying wish royally so he gets pissed but manages to not throw the whole fight like when Askeladd did it but still gets launched through the fucking air by one of Thorkell’s foot. Now as cool as all that shit is, it’s a lot to say that the most interesting stuff in this episode happens with Canute. Canute has a death dream about Ragnar and they get to say their goodbyes despite Ragnar saying ‘this is in your head bro but go ahead and let it out’. He wakes up and Bjorn is still fighting like ten dudes while hopped up on mushrooms so Canute and the Priest have a little chat while they wait for that to play out. He tells the Priest about his cool Ragnar dream and the Priest is like ‘that’s cool bro but that’s not real love’ and they have a big long speech about how loving a specific person precludes compassion for all people like how Ragnar would let people die to protect Canute and that the only things truly capable of love are those that can’t hurt anyone, ie nobody who’s alive, that’s probably a little bit of a minimalization nitpick to narrow down all compassion as simply favoring one person or group of people over others but I get what they’re going for. So the fact that Canute comes to the realization that people are incapable of loving each other unconditionally and universally yet it’s clearly the meaning of life to try fucking awakens his Conqueror’s Haki and he’s able to stop Berserker Bjorn with a hug and it may be the coolest damn thing in this series thus far. Bjorn gets stabbed by the other brother dude but Canute tells them to heal up because they’re going back to Thorkell so he can stop all this fighting and that he’s going to fucking start doing King shit and put an end to the pointless wars, so that’s pretty dope.

[anopoulos]

Is Harry out of character in Cursed Child?

I’ve seen some people talking about Harry’s characterisation on CC, both on twitter and on tiktok, and I think the people saying that Harry was not out of character when he yelled at Albus and said what he said in the blanket scene are kind of missing the point. (And I’m getting kind of tired of seeing people arguing about it using reasoning that is difficult to disagree with without sounding like an asshole. Anyway.)

Don’t get me wrong. I understand that Harry might have had reason to get angry with Albus in the scene. And he is kind of justified, because Albus was kind of rude. Especially because we’ve seen Harry reacting aggressively when someone (basically, in the case with Albus) talked shit about his parents. I’m talking about that fight he had with Draco in book 5, after Draco talked shit about both Molly and Harry’s parents. But he reacted like that because a) Draco was explicitly trying to get a reaction out of him by explicitly and intentionally offending Lily and James and b) Draco had been his rival for years now, and Harry had wanted a reason to punch him in the face for years as well.

I cannot deny that Harry has PTSD. He has the traits and reactions that give me reason to believe that, yes, he does, especially when it comes to his parents. But he’s had time to deal with it. He’s the fucking Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. He must’ve some time learned to be a little bit level headed. Especially towards his family. 

Also, how the fuck did he not learn to control his anger yet? He had two boys before Albus: Teddy Remus Lupin and James Sirius Potter.  

I know what the writers were trying to do. We are all aware of Caps-Lock Harry. But the circumstances where that happens couldn’t be more divergent from each other. Between being in a war while actively not being told about anything that’s going on by the people he’s supposed to respect and listen to (blindly, some might say), and hearing his obviously depressed child trying to tell him that he doesn’t meet the expectation that everyone at school set for him because of who his father is shouldn’t cause the same reaction. 

When Albus says he wished Harry wasn’t his father, he was clearly talking about the institution of Harry Potter, the war hero. He wasn’t talking personally about Harry, and that’s exactly what he did. And when Harry said he wished he wasn’t his son, then how else can Albus take that aside personally? Harry basically made it explicit that, yes, everything that Albus feared about himself (him not being good enough, talented enough, just… enough) was actually true, and Harry agreed with it.

At the same time Harry’s justified to become angry, he isn’t justified to become aggressive towards his child. Maybe to call him a bad dad is wrong, and to affirm that he wouldn’t be a perfect dad from the start is not wrong, but what I feel like is: 

Harry became an intensified version of his flaws in the name of conflict. He would never react like that towards his own fucking family, because he knows what it’s like to be yelled at by an adult, and I refuse to believe he wouldn’t want to be better than Vernon fucking Dursley. 

Short answer: Yes, he is.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I said this earlier today, but that was before they officially announced the queen’s death, and I sort of came up with the idea on the fly. I have now thought about it more, and I would like to emphasize again how much this is the chance for the perfect, poetic, narratively satisfying end to Mock the Week.

For those who don’t know the history (and I think most people do even if they haven’t watched the whole show, but in case people don’t), Frankie Boyle was a regular on Mock the Week from its beginning in 2005 until he got kicked off in 2009. And he was more than just a guy who was at every episode - he was the face of the show. For better or for worse - and I really like re-watching his old episodes but I also recognize that there are lots of reasons why this was not a great thing and in many ways the show is better off now for being more balanced - he took over almost every exchange and it was pretty much The Frankie Boyle Show for its first four years. He got attention by saying outrageous vulgar things, steamrolling other comedians and splitting viewers in the process. Like I’ve said, I like to watch Frankie Boyle from those early days, but I would never try to defend everything about him.

In 2009, he made this joke about Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

At the time no one made a big deal about it, but a little while later Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross made and obscene phone call to a Fawlty Towers actor (some weird shit happened in 2009), and everyone lost their minds about that, and some people decided the Frankie Boyle joke was another example of unacceptable vulgarity. And then they started doing things like this:

Frankie hung onto his spot at Mock the Week for a little while after that, but they stopped letting him do the stand-up round. And after that season ended, he was fired from the show. This made a lot of viewers very very angry, and led to a lot of people shouting on the internet about how Frankie Boyle was the only good thing about that show and it’s shit without him. Which makes sense initially, but it is a bit impressive that they managed to keep it up for so long, because YouTube videos of Mock the Week episodes from years after that are full of “Bring back Frankie” comments. Dara O’Briain has said he was still getting frequent Tweets, over ten years later, demanding Frankie Boyle’s return.

I have mixed feelings about that whole situation, because I love Frankie Boyle and always want to see him do more things, but also, most of the “Bring back Frankie!” people are just assholes who like that he said “politically incorrect” things and think the show is too “woke” without him and I hate them. Having said that, I also hate the people who forced Frankie out of that show over a joke about the queen. That’s really fucked up to me. He did say some stuff in those years that I think is wrong, stuff I wouldn’t try to defend and stuff that I think Frankie Boyle circa 2022 wouldn’t try to defend, but they didn’t get him on that. No one fired him for using slurs against disabled people in his jokes - apparently that’s all fine. The stuff about disabled people is fine, but don’t talk shit about the queen. BBC circa 2009 employing multiple people whom they knew at the time to be pedophiles is fine, but don’t talk shit about the queen. Jonathan Ross met his wife when he was twenty-six and she was sixteen and married her two years later, but don’t make a rude phone call to an old man. What I’m saying is I hate people who have a problem with vulgarity for vulgarity’s sake instead of looking at harm that’s actually done. But I also hate people who say, “Bring back the vulgarity because those [insert slur here] deserve to be offended!”, because obviously those are terrible people. Everyone involved in this situation is terrible.

Now, after four years of Frankie Boyle-era Mock the Week followed by thirteen years of people shouting “Bring back Frankie!”, they’ve announced that this long-running show is coming to an end. The first episode of its final season was supposed to start next week, though I assume it’ll now be postponed until at least the following week. And I just think we will all be wasting a golden opportunity, with several situations converging in just the right way, if we don’t go for the perfect bookended finale here.

A week and a half from now, they do the first episode of the new season. Dara O’Briain hosts, and Hugh Dennis sits among young, up-and-coming comedians as the gusts. They do a whole episode, and they don’t mention the queen even once. Not just that they don’t make any jokes at her expense. Not even just that they don’t mention her death. They don’t mention her at all. There’s plenty of other stuff to talk about, it wasn’t exactly a slow news week before the queen died. They talk about the various economic crises, they talk about the way Boris went out, they talk about Liz Truss. But they don’t mention the monarchy.

After Scenes We’d Like To See, they sit back down, and Dara announces the final points and calls out all the participants’ names, the way they always do. Then, when they’re about to end the show, Frankie Boyle, who hasn’t appeared until that moment, walks out on stage. He strides across to Dara’s desk, and grabs the microphone out of Dara’s hand. He looks straight down the camera, and says, “Her pussy’s fucking haunted now, the colonizing cunt.” Then he drops the mic, and then they cut to black. Mock the Week gets canceled early, that’s the last episode of it that ever airs. That’s how it ends.

If they don’t do things that way, then what was even the point of the last 17 years?

[emberphantom]

Thanks for your reply!! I can reassure you that Glenn's "out of ideas for s16" thing on the podcast likely isn't something that warrants concern (I've listened to all eps), because he's been saying that's been the case since iasip s2 and that ultimately it's probably best for the creative process to go in blank because those ideas tend to be the funniest (relatable writer insecurities). Charlie and Meg said they want to pitch simple ideas again after watching the early seasons so there's hope :)

Of course!!! And honestly that’s such a relief to know that it Glenn’s just always like that lmao. Like I said, I haven’t been keeping up with the podcast --I fell off after the Fight at the Hamburger store episode and haven’t been back since -- so it’s good to have the context for that. 

TBH out of the three of them it’s always been Rob that I’ve been worried about the MOST when it comes to the integrity of Sunny. Glenn’s my fave I literally put him on a pedestal but also I feel like now we PROOF that sunny is clearly better with him in the writers room. Like it made such a difference having him back for s15. And Charlie (to me--again based of vibes) always seemed the most indifferent, and like maybe little on autopilot when it came to writing the past couple of years. Idk to me s12 is like the last that truly felt like Sunny to me. Sometimes I forget that I have to watch beyond that when I do a rewatch lmao RIP. I do love some of the s13 and 14 episodes but those seasons as a whole fell flat. s15 has some of that back so I’m hoping they get even better with s16. So if Charlie is back in the make Sunny Actually Good camp, then I have faith. Like Charlie and Meg along with Glenn can fully bully Rob into submission. I believe in them. 

Sunny is best when it’s a show no one pays attention to--and then they feel like they can do whatever they want. I want the assholes that didn’t give a shit about winning an emmy. I want the gay-ass love story that won’t play in middle america but they’ll jam it down their throats anyway. Pandering to the vocal mainstream audience is something Rob probably will entertain. But Rob also says he listens to people “smarter” than him and that’s where  Charlie+Glenn+Meg come in to tell him to stfu. Celeb cameos can work if they’re funny (they’ve done it before) but it has to be someone so absurd playing something ridiculous to work on Sunny. Or in this case RR as Mac’s BF bc him and Rob are joined at the hip and if I have to see you both shove your stupid soccer team down my throat, you BETTER kiss each other on the mouth i stg. 

[whumpingcrow]

August Plays Nice, Elias POV

I have really bad writers block (again) so that means you all get to witness August in all his demented asshole glory >:) new chapters coming very soon, I promise!

CW: tics/tourettes, creepy/intimate whumper, captivity whump, collar whump, starvation (pretty descriptive), talk of death and character death mention, guns/gun violence (graphic), drugs/alcohol (graphic), noncon/dubcon kissing/touching, emotional whump, injury description, blood, foster care (let me know if I missed anything!)

August wakes me up with his fingers in my hair, twisting and tugging, not quite hard enough to hurt, by far not gentle enough to be comforting. 

Even though the carpet is soft, my shoulder blade is aching from being on the floor for so long. Most nights, August wants me in bed with him, unless he knows my nightmares will keep him up or I’ve upset him somehow. That was the case last night, when he forced me onto my back and told me that if I got up before he let me it would be the last thing I ever did, so it’s where I stayed. He didn’t intend for it to last this long, I don’t think, but at some point late last night I realized August was asleep in the huge queen sized bed across the room and he wasn’t going to come get me and pull me into his arms and smother me to sleep up there, so I forced myself to ignore the drying blood around my nose and eventually passed out, too. 

I hope that he didn’t wake up still angry. I open my eyes but I don’t look up at August, not right away. Instead, I scan the room for any evidence of the fight we’d gotten into the night before. The clock that’s usually hung up on the wall is still face down on the floor, I vaguely remember it crashing to the ground when August tossed me at the wall. I also remember him really losing his shit after, like I’d somehow done it on purpose. Besides that, though, nothing is out of place or otherwise disturbed. I catch myself starting to wonder if it had really been as bad as it’s playing out in my head, I’m not swayed one way or the other, ultimately. If I was exaggerating the cruel smile on August’s face when he had me gasping for air around the shoe he’d planted over my throat, wasn’t I just crying wolf to an empty room? And on the other hand, if August really had shoved me into a corner, put his loaded gun into my mouth, and made me try to beg for his forgiveness around the barrel, then it was obvious that this had all slipped out of my control a long time ago; my only option was to take a backseat and watch it all unfold. 

“Morning, sweetheart.” 

There’s permission embedded in the greeting, so I finally look up at him. I wish I didn’t right away, just like always. It doesn’t matter which mask he’s wearing at the moment, they all hurt to look at now. I used to enjoy some of the faces he would put on for me, especially the one he’s using right now. I used to love it when he would look at me with such fondness, like I was actually making him feel something, like I was enough to thaw him out and make him nice. That was only when I didn’t know he was a liar, when I believed everything he said about No Name getting rid of me. Now I know that it’s a trap, I know that it doesn’t matter which mask he has on because his end goal is always to hurt me and…

…and I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that I can’t even do anything to stop it. 

“You wanna watch a movie?” Now, he moves from playing with my hair to fiddling with the edge of my leather collar, fingertips grazing against the sensitive skin just underneath before hooking on and giving it an almost unnoticeable tug. I pick up on the queue quickly, I can hear myself whine just a little when I sit up, but I can't bring myself to care. It used to embarrass me when I couldn’t even help making pathetic sounds like that, but I’ve since realized that embarrassment is just as pointless as hope in this place. 

I’m still not sure if he really wants me talking yet, last night he was so angry when I was presumptuous enough to try and answer a question, so I only nod my head at him. That’s all it takes to make him break out in a smile, it’s too hard to decipher whether or not it’s a dangerous one, so I don’t bother trying to figure it out. Then, his hands are wrapping around my arms and he’s pulling me up to my feet. My brain throbs behind my skull, the world around me tilts and spins and I know that leaning against August for support is going to give him the wrong idea but I can’t care about that anymore. I wonder how many concussions I’ve gotten since being here, I wonder if I’ll have brain damage when Camille finally comes back for me, I wonder if I’m stupid for still holding on to the belief that she’ll come back at all. 

August puts me on the couch, I must be behaving well with all this silence and the blood still on my face. When he’s sure I won’t move from my place, he goes into the kitchen, comes back with a bottle of liquor in his hand and a blunt between his lips. It’s only then that I notice his unsteady gait and his lazy smile, and I try to guess how long he’s been up drinking alone.

“Here,” he mumbles as he holds the neatly rolled blunt out toward me, he laughs when I stick it between my teeth, “breakfast of champions, huh?”

He phrases it like a joke, it’s funny to him how fucking hungry I am, I remember now that it’s why I got into trouble last night. I was ungrateful, I snapped at him in a moment of delirious starvation and told him I didn’t want any more pills until I was able to eat. I refuse to make the same mistake this time, instead I force myself to grin like I think it’s funny too, and then lean forward and wait for him to light it up for me. I try really hard not to flinch when he holds the flame that close to my face, I do anyway. He watches me closely afterwards, he isn’t even pretending to hide it as he takes a swig of the liquor, probably tequila, eyes never leaving me. I try really hard to stop my hand from shaking so bad as I reach up to pull away the blunt after a long drag, I fail miserably. August smiles again. 

“Wait here.”

My heart starts racing the second the words leave his mouth. I should have known that it was only a matter of time until he got bored again, I should have known my punishment couldn’t have stopped at a little rough housing and sleeping on the floor, I should have known he couldn’t last ten minutes without fucking me up all over again. The fact that I almost believed anything else really shows how stupid I am. 

I wait for August to come back with his duffle bag, even though the door is right there and I could run, if I wanted. Do I want to, anymore? Do I stay put on the couch, sucking down smoke as if it will make this less painful, because the last time I tried to ditch I got my hand mangled? Or do I stay because I want this, because some sick part of me enjoys the torture and degradation? With every lungful of smoke, the line between the two becomes more and more blurry. I think I almost feel excited when I can hear August’s footsteps coming down the hall. I’m so nauseated by it that I can’t catch my breath. 

I’m shocked, to say the very least, when August turns the corner with nothing more than a washcloth, he doesn’t have his bag or any ropes or even the small razor he sometimes uses when he doesn’t want to waste all his energy. He grins knowingly as he sits down next to me, clumsily setting the bottle down on the tile floor with a solid clink. 

“I don’t feel like doing that today,” he says distractedly, already grabbing my face and wiping at the dried blood before I even have time to prepare, “I just want to watch a movie. I’m hungover as shit.”

It scares me when I realize how well he's able to read me. I haven't said anything since he woke me up, and yet he knows how scared I am, he knows I was expecting him to hurt me again. Does he know I was thinking about trying to run? Does he know that watching his jaw flex as he focuses makes me sick with how much I fucking despise him? He shifts his hand a little to make me tilt my head, and though I don’t resist moving, I flinch. 

“Please!” I hear myself gasp, and we both know that it’s a tic, that it’s so heavily ingrained in me to beg now that it sometimes cycles through with all the other foul things that spill off my tongue. August freezes up and studies me again, eyes narrowed and jaw flexing and I really hope that he doesn’t know how much I fucking hate him right then, he would kill me for sure if he knew.

A smirk spreads across his face, he slips on a new mask so quickly it’s almost natural, almost, and he lets go of my face altogether. “I haven’t done anything yet, you little weirdo.” 

“I…I know.” My face burns in shame, I don’t want to look at him anymore but he keeps smiling at me like he wants to be seen smiling, so I don’t look away. I’ve learned that sometimes all he wants is an audience as he pretends to be human. “I know, I’m sorry.” I offer up the blunt to him, mostly as an attempted reprimand, and he laughs at me. 

With a shake of his head, he chuckles out, “I don’t want that, that’s yours.”

“Mine?” I finally look away to inspect the weed, trying to figure out if he put something else in it, if he’s setting me up for yet another mind shattering high so that he doesn’t seem so bad by comparison.

“Yeah, Bunny,” he drops his voice low and leans in closer, his fingertips gliding against my throat until they latch onto the collar in the back, "all yours." 

I suck in a breath as he closes the space between us to press a kiss into my cheek. Just when I think the false kindness will stop there, he undoes the clasp of the collar and slides it off of me, and I'm so beside myself that I forget I hate him so bad and I lean into him completely. I know what he’s probably thinking of me as I drop my head to his shoulder and press myself close, but I can’t bring myself to care. Not when his breath carries over the sensitive skin of my neck in cooling waves, not when I’m trying to latch onto the brief, sacred moment of feeling almost like a person again. My breathing comes a little easier, despite the very real threat of August being so close still, and despite the sharp sound of the metal tag hitting the ground when he drops the collar to the floor. 

He lets me stay close to him like that for only a minute, occasionally petting through my hair or caressing my arm, and then he pushes me away from him. I blink furiously until my vision isn’t clouded over with tears anymore.

“I must’ve scared you pretty bad last night, huh?” August asks offhandedly as he finds the remote and starts flicking through a long list of movies.

I press the blunt back to my lips, deciding that pissing off August by letting his drugs go to waste would be far worse than whatever might be laced into the burning flower this time. I also do it so I can think about something in my mouth besides the metallic taste of a weapon that I know for a fact has killed before. “Um…” I whisper, allowing the pungent smoke to fall out around my words, “ye…yes, kind of.” 

August chuckles, leaning back against the cushions and pulling me with him, forcing me to settle under his arm. “Kind of?”

“You alw-shit- always scare me.” I admit. I must be higher than I thought, saying bullshit like that to him. “But…but last night, you…yeah, you scared me.” 

“I can tell,” he teases, “you’re never this nice for me.” He uses the hand that isn’t slung over my shoulders to grab one of my legs, pulling at it to drape over his lap. I try my best to breathe through the aching that lights up in my muscles at the movement, then I have to bite back a groan when he starts tracing over the numerous bruises. I don’t complain though, this is so much nicer than what he could be doing. Besides, I have my collar off, and I’m stoned enough that the pain is sort of fuzzy anyway. 

“If I’d known playing with guns makes you so precious I would’ve done it much sooner.”

My breathing hitches, I can’t even help but squirm anxiously in his grip. His voice is slightly sarcastic, but it’s impossible to discern how serious he’s being. There have been times where I think he’s joking just to scare me and end up being horribly wrong. My mind goes back to the night before, I remember the metal clicking against my teeth as August shook in his fury, I remember being mortified thinking that he might shoot me by accident, I remember how he pulled back the hammer when I didn’t start begging for him right away. The idea that something like that could become a regular occurrence makes a hopeless sob catch in my throat before I can stop myself. 

“Oh, would you relax?” He huffs out, his hand is sliding higher up my thigh inch by agonizing inch, pausing over a few cuts and bruises here and there to feel them out with the tips of his fingers. I watch with huge tears hanging off my bottom lashes, I know they’ll fall if I move so I stay as still as possible, and force myself through another drag on the blunt. “I told you I’m too hungover to fuck with you today. You’ve got nothing to worry about.” 

I’m silent still, trying now to focus on the movie to stop the tears from coming. I’ve seen this one before, way back when I was in the only group home I’d actually enjoyed. I can’t remember the plot or the ending for the life of me, but I remember the buttery popcorn and the people I was with feeling as close to a family as I could get. That feels like a lifetime ago, now, and I wonder if those people I liked enough to see a movie with would even recognize me anymore.

I don’t notice August turn to look at me, and it’s only when I realize his eyes are on me that I feel the tears sliding down my cheeks. “Fuck,” I breathe, lifting my hand to try my best to wipe them away, “I’m sorry, I-I’m sorry…”

“God, baby, you are all sorts of fucked up this morning, aren’t you?” 

“I’m sorry, August-”

“Shhh,” he lets go of my leg to grab at my face instead, cupping my cheek gently (it’s so unnerving when he’s able to do that) and pulling me forward until our faces are close and I can practically taste the alcohol on his breath, “I know, Bunny. I know you’re sorry.”

I try to even out my breathing as much as I can, will the tears to stop, and go back to being quiet so I can get all of his attention off of me. August’s eyebrows twitch into a frown and he shakes his head at me. Suddenly his fingertips are digging into my face, I flinch in his grip but he would never let my pull away like this. 

“Don’t stop.” He whispers to me. “You’re so fucking pretty like that, all teary eyed and shit. Come on, cry for me, angel.”

Usually, I would be disgusted by this type of demand, usually I would fight him until he made me cry, just to spite him. But today he’s hungover, today he’s told me that I’ve got nothing to worry about, today he’s touching me in the nicest way he has in a long time, and today he’s giving me permission, no, he’s requesting that I cry, so I do. Right in the palm of his hand, I unravel completely and I cry. I cry because I almost died again last night, I cry because I want to stop almost dying, I cry because I wish I would have stayed dead the first time, I cry because I miss No Name, I cry because I don’t know if he misses me, I cry because I wish I didn’t always feel like crying, I cry because it feels nice to have someone look me right in the eyes while I pour out my damaged soul, I cry because it’s August. He’s not grabbing onto me so hard anymore, he wipes my tears away for me, once or twice he actually leans close and kisses them right off of my face, and I can’t think of a single thing that sums him up better than that simple gesture.

Soon enough, my meager sobbing dies out and I’m just sniffling and shaking against his hand. He brushes away the remaining tears and smiles just a little, there’s a hint of intrigue behind his eyes. 

“Do you feel better now?”

I don’t. 

“Y-yeah. Thank you.”

August answers by pulling me into a deep kiss, uncharacteristically tender, with a surprising lack of teeth and bruising pressure. It’s moments like these that make me almost miss our time together in LA, when I was able to occasionally enjoy this incredibly soft version of August. Knowing that he’s a liar taints it now; him kissing me so gently isn’t going to matter later when he’s ripping me to shreds and getting off on my blood. Surprisingly, August doesn’t even press any further than the kiss. He just…decides he’s done at some point, pulls off of me completely and leans over to grab his liquor again. There’s a satisfied grin on his face as he takes a swig. He's looking at the movie now, like he doesn’t even want to see me anymore. I hate that my feelings are hurt. When I look down, I notice the ash of the forgotten blunt has fallen onto my thigh, but I don’t do anything about it. 

I get about halfway through the movie without realizing how shitty I feel, the hunger is past the point of hunger, it’s now paralyzing nausea, a gnawing at my muscles that makes me dizzy from the pain. I almost want to say something to August when I feel my heart in my throat and I suddenly don’t even have the energy to lift the weed back up to my lips, can’t even keep my eyes open anymore. I stop myself when I remember him threatening to make me eat bullets, since I was so hungry. The burning pain gets so bad that, once again, I think I might really die. I find the idea of starving to death, considering everything else that’s happened to me here, very amusing, and I hear myself let out a breathless giggle, and then-

August wakes me up with fingers in my hair, twisting into tight fists and using it as leverage to throw me onto the floor. 

[ellaintrigue]

So I wrote about this fellow the other day: https://ellaintrigue.tumblr.com/post/698079001366937600/annnnd-the-fun-continues-again-its-not-about-me

He turned me off with all his poo talk… but, see, if we had been friends and not flirting I would have shrugged it off. But yesterday here he comes back, wanting to talk sexy again. So I told him why I was no longer feeling it because he asked. I honestly hoped that we could just move on and do our usual chit chat since he lives in Ohio anyway.

He was mad, which I do understand. I probably sounded like a huge bitch. But here’s the thing, sometimes we need to get called out. I went on a date with a guy in 2017 and after the date he pretty much went psycho because I wasn’t answering texts fast enough. He said all kinds of mean things like he should have fucked me and thrown me away, but then he called me a stinky bitch. Well, that made me wonder. So I asked my boss, “hey, Lorraine, do I stink?” And she said yes, she could smell my armpits. But instead of getting defensive I just started using deodorant. I had never used it because for some reason my mother and I never had an odor there. But I grew one so I had to do something about it. That guy was an asshole but if we hadn’t fought and he had just said, “hun, your armpits have an odor” I would have been like oh shit and corrected it.

So first off this diarrhea guy told me about how he was helping his single mom friend, which is fine. I was having a hellish time and was kind of hinting he should ask about my day but he never did. He was typing long paragraphs about this woman and saying that her baby daddy and baby daddy’s dad beat her up and took her kid away but she didn’t go to the police because she was ACAB.

…What?! I’m not a fan of the police either but if I got my ass beat and my baby kidnapped I’d damn sure fucking call them! So to me it sounds like one of those single parents that likes to play victim but not do anything to help themselves or their kid. So I’m not jealous of their interactions but he’s getting sucked into a toxic situation honestly. That’s strike one.

Then he doesn’t talk to me for a couple of days, nor ask me about my hard time still (part of my house went up and it was hellish, replaced toilet, etc.) and comes back with the literal shit talk. That’s when I broke it down for him like hey, you were more focused on telling me about your friend’s drama than asking about me, and I don’t wanna hear about your poo.

He completely missed the point about the poo and said I had said things to him he didn’t like too. I mentioned my nose rupture from covid complications and a couple of other things here and there but never details of going to the bathroom.

And, also, it’s about context. I’ve dated guys with digestive issues but it was like, “I hurt and I’m having trouble going to the bathroom,” not talking about “splatters” and laughing about it.

You like a girl, you’re getting to know her well, and then you describe in graphic detail how you shit yourself. And mind you, I didn’t post all the conversation where he talked about the single mom or pooping. It went ON AND ON. So yeah, of course I’m not perfect but you gotta know when to read the room.

I was deciding if I was even attracted to the guy when he did all of that and I’m not going to lower my standards for anyone. And that type of immaturity is probably going to stick forever. He blocked me after that last emo paragraph but I blocked him too, just in case. Men are entitled and tend to take me for granted like they can act out then just come back.

Nope, not this time.

[xpeachesncream]

lowkey (jjk) | 02.

⦿ boo’d up in the daytime

⦿ mackin’ & hangin’ in the nighttime

↳ series masterlist

summary: in order to pass organic chemistry and pay off your car damages from an accident, all you have to do is help the nerd, jeon jungkook, with a few things: pretend to be his girlfriend and teach him the ways of dating.

pairing: popular!reader x nerd!jjk

genre: college au, fake dating au, friends (with benefits?) to lovers au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 3.2k

warnings: cussing, implied sexual content/mature language, kissy-kissy koo, mentions of a boner, mention of sex and cum, seokjin’s still toxic

note: posting this chapter a little early since it’s butter weekend, plus the last part of liquid courage should be up sat/sun. still sticking to my schedule in my faq though, srry loves! i’ll do my best to update as soon as i can. 💗

tags: @taegularities​ @jimidol​ @miinoongi​ @bluesharksandfish​ @ggukkieland​ @unicornbabylover​ @thebeebi​ @preciouschimine​ @ladyartemesia​ @moonchild1​ @jikookiekosmos​ @marcoazz2​ @kootaes​ @wearenot7withu​ @codeinebelle​ @bigbootyjoonie​ @thisartemisnevermisses​ @maichiverse​ @ppeachyttae​ @fairysunooo​ @secretlycrazyhummingbird​ @yukiehyukie​

"I heard you were in an accident last night, babe. Are you okay? I'm so sorry I got mad at you yesterday." Seokjin comes towards you, cupping your face to look at every inch, every detail. You move away from his hold, backing up to give yourself some space.

"Seokjin, I told you to stop calling me that. Jesus. I'm fine. Don't need you to check up on me."

"Are you really gonna keep that up? I said I was sorry."

"Okay, and? I heard you."

"Really, that's it? Y/N, why are you being like this? What's the real reason?" He follows after you as you make your way to the library. To say Seokjin was persistent is an understatement— he was persistent for the wrong reasons. Like, keeping you close so he had you to fall on when things went wrong with another chick, his safety net.

"Because this is done, I don't know how many times I have to tell you. I'm tired of you doing this so, please. Just go." You slightly turn towards him as you climb up the stairs.

"I wanna work this out with you. Don't push me away. Let me help." You don't respond. He watches as you adjust your bag strap and wave at Jungkook. Seokjin chuckles and grabs your wrist gently, making Jungkook suddenly hop on defense as he balls his fists. Like he could do shit. Seokjin would probably wreck his ass with those broad shoulders.

Still. He hated how much of an asshole he was to you.

"Wait, what the fuck?" Seokjin laughs his rare, deep laugh that he uses when he's caught off guard. "You're hanging out with nerds, now?"

"And if I was, that would be none of your business." You snatch your arm away while glaring at him. You shake your head and continue walking towards Jungkook, relieved Seokjin finally left you alone today. Probably off to tell Namjoon, Yoongi and his friends how much of a bitch you've been and that you actually left him to hang out with a nerd.

Sunmi knows you're being tutored. However if that wasn't the case, she would question you, but she never take their side on shit. She remained loyal to you, and always supported you through whatever. That's why she's remained your bestfriend until this day. The senior chicks Seokjin and them hung around with though? Questionable. As long as Sunmi was by your side and you by hers, you both didn't care much for getting close to them.

"Hey, sorry you had to see that." You say as you sigh and set your bag down alongside of you on the long table.

"It's alright." Jungkook replies softly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. Thanks." You give him a tiny, tightlipped smile. "So, should we get right into tutoring, or should we talk about the details of our deal? I have all afternoon." Luckily, it was quite loud in the loud section of the library. No one cared much to listen in to your secret deal with Jungkook, nor did anyone care because it was Jungkook.

"I do too. I guess, whatever works for you?"

"Let's get this tutoring over with first then iron out the rest." He nods.

"Sure." He pulls out his notebook. "Tell me, what are you struggling with?"

"Everything." He does a small head tilt.

"I doubt that. I'm sure you understand some things."

"No, you don't understand Jungkook. I'm legit drowning. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or where I'm lacking." Jungkook simply looks at you, lips pressed together before he nods. You're not lacking anywhere, he thinks. You're really not. The subject is just shitty and the spawn of the devil.

"That's okay. Well, can I go over some basics? Throw in some tips?"

"Yes, please. Lead the way. I need you." You chuckled, but it makes the heat rush to his cheeks. He hopes you don't catch the rosy tint creeping up on them, so he instantly grabs at the whiteboard near your table and starts to go over the very beginning, the very basics of this semester's OChem class. Maybe a bit from last semester, but last semester wasn't entirely that bad compared to this one.

He didn't expect you to be all that engaged for some reason, but he should have known you'd ask questions left and right, taking the black whiteboard marker from his hand to practice what you've learned with him watching and guiding you from your side. You were always focused, always so determined. You were incredibly smart. Incredibly beautiful.

Honestly, Jungkook go on for days.

The both of you hadn't realized it was nearing close to 5PM and neither of you had really eaten much since lunch. You sit, feeling pretty good about your first session with Jungkook. You feel a little bad having kept him for so long over OChem, realizing you still had things to iron out with him.

[sunmi] 4:34pm: hey babe, not gonna be leaving for a bit. i forgot i had to work on this psych project with jennie. you okay with leaving around 6/7?

"Crap."

"What's the matter?" Jungkook glances at you as you continue to stare at your phone and scroll away.

"Sunmi isn't leaving until later. I'll probably be stuck here for a little longer after you leave." You put your phone down, now resting your chin against your palm, nails slightly digging into your cheek.

"I-I can give you a ride, if you'd like? Plus, we still need to talk.. about stuff." He shyly says.

"Jungkook, that's too much to ask for."

"It's really not a big deal. How far do you live from campus?"

"Maybe a 10 minute drive, the next exit off the freeway." He shrugs.

"I'm going in that direction too."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. We can just talk on the way home."

"Would you be willing to stop by for dinner? We can talk then. Maybe it can be considered our 'first date.'" You joke with a small giggle.

"Oh, sure. Yeah." He gives off a tiny, nervous laugh. "Where did you have in mind?"

"Can we get.. hm—" You hum. "Fire Wings? Down the street?" He almost feels intoxicated watching how your eyes gleam under the light, how they brighten and widen when you mention food. You were cute, and you didn't even know it.

"Only if you tell me what flavors you get." He tries to get smart, which makes you laugh. He made you laugh.

"Is this judgment day? Gonna see if you should call quits on our deal before it even starts?"

"Maybe." He goes along with it.

"Okay. Garlic Parmesan and Dragon." You pack up your things before shooting him a look.

"Okay, solid flavors." He nods. "I guess we can continue on."

"You're funny." You giggle as you both throw your bags onto your backs. You stay in your position until Jungkook comes to your side so you can walk by him. You don't know much about him, but he has a soft demeanor and he makes you feel comfortable. You had only seen him a couple of times across campus, not really noticing him much in class either. You feel a little bad knowing you didn't even try being that he sat behind you, but better late than never I guess? Maybe there was a reason for all of this happening. The way he tutored you today was insane, too— he was super smart, but broke it down perfectly, was patient. He was patient.

No wonder Dr. K loved his ass.

"What about you?" You picked up the conversation.

"I usually go for a dry rub and Garlic Parmesan."

"I haven't tried any dry rubs."

"You can try one of mine later."

"Okay." You suddenly remember to shoot Sunmi a text before she comes looking for you everywhere on campus. Jungkook stays silent beside you, allowing you to do your thing without being too overbearing or nosy.

But, he honestly can't help but glance a few times.

[y/n] 5:11pm: sorry just saw this, hitching a ride with my tutor. don't worry about me! ty ily, have fun working on your project.

[sunmi] 5:13pm: tutor, as in jeon jungkook?

[y/n] 5:15pm: yeah, he offered.

[sunmi] 5:16pm: okay, that was nice of him. if he tries anything tho i'll beat his ass. text me when u get home?

[y/n] 5:17pm: don't worry about him, he won't lol i will.

[sunmi] 5:18pm: kk love u b

"Sorry." You say, tucking your phone into your pocket. "Had to text Sunmi."

"That's okay. You two are really close, right?"

"Yeah, since high school."

"Cool." At this point, Jimin, Taehyung and Hoseok are coming out of the café at the same you two are passing.

"What about you, where are your friends?"

"Um." He sighs, trying to avoid his friends obnoxiously waving and calling him from the distance. You glance over from behind his figure, chuckling a little bit. "That's them."

"Cute. You all are really close, too?"

"Ya, I've known Jimin the longest though." You smile and wave at them, causing them to gasp and whisper amongst each other with huge smiles on their faces.

"I'll need to meet them if we're gonna do this thing for real. Do they know?"

"Yeah kinda."

"That's okay. We should probably work on keeping it between us though." He nods.

"Okay, but. Can we save meeting them for later? They're a bit.. much." You smile.

"Sure."

"D-do I have to meet Sunmi?" You nod.

"If you wanna make this believable, yeah."

"She's kinda scary."

"Jungkook, she's not gonna bite your head off. She just has that look, but I promise she's sweet." That look, that resting bitch face. Really, you could be biased because it's Sunmi. She really only had issues if she felt disrespected. Other than that, she meant well. Same with you— you've been accused of being intimidating and having the same look but you don't mean any harm by it.

"Okay." Jungkook unlocks his black 2016 Honda Civic and pops his bag in the trunk. You do the same, while Jungkook goes to open the passenger door for you.

"Thanks." You smile sweetly at him. He climbs into his seat, hitting the button to start the car and sighs. The music in the background starts to play, and it sounds mellow, soothing— like it came straight out of a fairytale. His eyes widen as he rushes to lower the volume before shyly looking at you.

"Sorry."

"What, no. Don't be. What is this?"

"A Final Fantasy lofi mix." He begins to drive off as you turn the volume back up.

"It's nice. Pretty relaxing."

"Ya, it's nice to listen to after a long day." He pushes his glasses up at the light.

"Do you have family here?" He nods.

"I do. My mom and dad live about an hour away. I'm the only child. What about you?"

"Same. They're probably 30 minutes up north."

"Do you live alone?"

"Yeah, I live in a studio. It's actually my coworker's. She bought the space to rent it out. She lets me rent it for pretty cheap though."

"That's nice."

"You?"

"I live with Jimin. Our parents are close."

"What about your other friends?"

"Hoseok is dorming, and Taehyung would rather live back home with his family and commute. He's close to them. He'll crash at ours or Hoseok's from time to time."

"Are you close to your family?" He nods as he turns into the plaza lot.

"I suppose, yes. I'm just really quiet overall, so they think it's hard to read me sometimes." He parks and you watch as he shuts the car off with the same button. "You?"

"Yeah, I'm really close to my mom. Dad, a little questionable."

"Why, if I may ask?" He comes to open your door again, causing you to give him a small smile.

"He, um. Just got into some stuff." He watches as your body tenses while you fiddle with your fingers waiting in line.

"It's okay, don't think about it. I won't ask again."

"It's okay, Jungkook. Really. Maybe another time?" You look up at him and he nods. He stands way taller than you, almost at Seokjin's height, if not the same. He likes to wear baggy, dark clothing and doesn't do much to fix or style his hair.

He's simple, but in a good way.

You both order your food with Jungkook going first so he can grab a table afterwards. Before he could pay though, you offer to cover him for dinner as your way of thanking him for driving you home. You make your way over to the table he snags, Jungkook silently sitting at the high table with his legs pressed together and his hands clasped tightly on his lap.

"You okay?"

"Ya, why?"

"You look tense."

"Sorry. It's not everyday I have dinner with Y/N." You smile.

"Stop, relax." You watch as he slightly eases up. "So, this deal." He nods. "A month?"

"Yeah, I suppose."

"We have to convince people it's real or else people will know something weird is going on." You look at his hand, now resting on the table. "You're gonna have to hold my hand and kiss me, you know?" He swallows the lump in his throat. Shit, he thinks. Don't know if I can actually pull this off?

A kiss?! Fuck.

"Y-yeah."

"When was your last relationship, Jungkook?"

"8th grade." Your eyes widen.

"O-oh, now I see."

"What's that supposed to mean? It's terrible, I know but I—"

"No, no, no. You're good. It's totally okay, it doesn't matter. I'll just have to teach you to make it look realistic and not.. awkward." You perk up again. "Not saying that you are though, okay."

"I know."

"So, are you.."

"Am I..?" He cocks hid head to the side in confusion.

"Like.."

"Just ask Y/N."

"Are you a virgin?"

"I don't know." You furrow your brows.

"Huh?"

"Look, this is gonna sound really embarrassing and I don't know if I'm even ready to tell my fake girlfriend about it."

"Just say it. We have to know things about each other." He sighs.

"I— ugh." He groans. "I did it with my girlfriend at the time. Or I guess my ex because we had broken up and this was sometime during freshmen year in high school and she came onto me out of nowhere at a mutual friend's pool party. But it was weird because we were just hormonal kids and I was just curious so I slipped myself into her only to slip back out right after because—" He's rambling, but you're doing your best to keep up.

"Because?"

"I-I, ugh. Y/N." He shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Are you really gonna make me say it?"

"Jungkook." You lean a bit to try and catch eye contact.

"I came right away." He says just as the worker puts down your food and takes the number from your table.

"Ohhhhhhh." You say as you nod slowly. "Okay."

"You can just run now." His head hangs low as he slowly slides his chicken over in front of him, causing you to chuckle.

"I'm not going anywhere. It's okay. Stop that."

"It's pathetic."

"No. Besides, I know you'll get better overall, and you'll find someone who will rock with you till the end. We'll work on this."

"Thanks." He says, feeling comfortable around you. You were quick to reassure him and smile at him, he felt himself melting in his seat. Yeah, you were too good for Seokjin.

"You'll have to come to parties with me. Club events. Events in general. It won't look right if I'm always going without you."

"Okay. Can I bring my friends?"

"Sure." He nods. "What do you do in your free time?"

"Play video games and listen to music. Read comics, manga. Build lego sets with the guys."

"Cute." You smile.

"You?"

"Hang out with Sunmi, or just watch movies on my own at my place. Read. Eat by myself. Explore by myself. I value my alone time."

"It's nice." Jungkook's familiar with it. Even if he had his friends around, he truly liked being in his own peace when allowed. "What about outside of the public eye?"

"Hm?" You hum.

"Do we hang out?"

"Yeah we can." You nod.

"Cool." He smiles.

"Is my car gonna be a lot of work for you?"

"Don't worry about it, it'll be good soon. Just might take a bit cause I need some parts to make it look brand new again."

"I really can't thank you enough." He shrugs.

"Only trying to help my girlfriend out." He boldly says, causing you to laugh.

"Confidence is peeking through already, are you sure you need me?" You joke. The rest of the evening, you continue to talk to Jungkook about pretty surface level shit— what you like, dislike, overall experience in high school and college so far. It was a nice, harmless conversation, one where you were starting to see how warmhearted Jungkook really was. How real and laid back.

None of the shit in Seokjin's group. It was refreshing, a breath of fresh air.

Once dinner had finally finished, Jungkook was on his way to drop you off. He had parked in an empty guest spot, offering to walk you up just to be sure. At the door, he took a peek at how clean your studio was, mainly soft colors of white and cream taking over, with plants scattered around your living room area. The hallway in was sandwiched between your kitchen area and another wall, Jungkook assuming your bed was on the opposite side of it. He awkwardly stands at the door, afraid of overstepping.

"Well, goodnight Y/N. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Hey, wait." You smile and come close to him. He swallows, his mouth suddenly feeling dry when he feels your breasts press against his chest. "First lesson— give me a kiss."

"Right now?"

"Jeon Jungkook, we're doing this tomorrow. People are gonna have to see this at least once while we're together." He nods and presses a quick kiss against your cheek. "Not bad, but a little longer?" He complies and presses another kiss, leaving his pillowy lips against your cheek for a little longer before pulling away. "Perfect. Now here." You point at your lips before crossing your arms.

"Y/N, I—"

"Don't be afraid, just do it. I won't kick you in the balls or anything."

"It's not that. I just don't think I'm a great at this stuff."

"Okay." You tippytoe and gently grab his jaw while you lean towards his face. "Just relax, okay? Don't think too much of it." He stays silent, doe eyes constantly on you as you continue to inch forward.

Sparks. Just sparks everywhere for Jungkook.

He feels your soft lips against his and he relaxes, moreso because he feels like he's lost all senses being this close to you. Taking in your scent. Kissing you.

"There." He stands still, still trying to process the kiss. "Not bad. We'll get better over time, but at least that looks believable. Just—" You put his hands down as they were about to fall onto your hips during the kiss, but they fell short. "Let it happen and hold me, okay?" You smile. "Night Jungkook."

"N-night." He stutters as he watches you close the door. "Fuck." He whispers to himself when he realizes he's now sporting a boner. "Jungkook, what the fuck is this?!" He continues to whisper to himself as he waddles down your hallway.

[sukirichi]

wine: ingredient 44 + sugar 7 + spice 12 for gojo satoru *slams table* thank you for feeding us kind maam

for sukirichi’s milestone event: 

the meal order : 🍷 + 44 (hate sex au) + 7 (forbidden relationship) + 12 (praising kink) your dinner has been served! also bruh LOL you’re a choso simp this is hilarious spspsps

— who are you to deny him when he only wants to worship you?

gojo satoru x fem! reader

contents/warnings: nsfw, slight angst, reader is hot girl shit, gojo long schlong, hate sex, car sex, spanking, riding gojo, slight angst, praising kink taken to a DIFFERENT LEVEL (i want to make people question the extent of their praising kink), body marking, rough sex lol it’s always rough in my stories, unedited

Your friends pushed you out of the club, all of you laughing, hands clutched around your waists as loud, drunken giggles fill in the night air. It was a wild night; your friends invited you to the club to take your mind off your stupid boyfriend. You thought you’d end up moping around, too much of a buzzkill to ever let loose because it wasn’t that easy to stop thinking about him, but even you were surprised when you started grinding with people on the dance floor just three drinks later.

The gals were more than delighted to see you enjoying your night, only dragging you out the club when you nearly shoved your tongue down another man’s throat.

Scratch that – your friends called you to hang out because you lied about having a shitty day at work. You’ve had your fair share of shitty days, but you were one of the most prominent lawyers in your firm, no one dared gave you a bad day. Your subordinates knew that if they even looked your way without your permission, you wouldn’t hesitate to dump paperwork on them, or assign them to the nastiest cases just to piss them off.

Yeah, you were sort of a bitch, but you didn’t care.

It took a lot to get where you were now. It wasn’t easy to be a woman in a male-dominated workplace and you were forced to strip your softness off, replacing it with hard armor and sharp tongue concealed under bold red lips, a tight pencil skirt that accentuated your curves, and a pair of black suede pumps.

You deserved all your success. You were smart, stunning, confident, powerful – so then why did you feel like shit around your shitty boyfriend?

The answer was loud and clear. It bothered you to no end that he wanted to keep your relationship a secret because his family was too different from yours, coming up with a shitty excuse that you were just “too different.” He never bothered explaining, and every time you confronted him about, he’d only wave his hand, distract you with those delicious and soft lips of his until you forget it over and over again.

You were okay with it at first. It wasn’t a really serious relationship; you only started dating him because you saw yourself a lot in him – confident, self-assured, maybe even a little cocky – plus, he was extremely attractive.

But the longer you spent time with him, you were beginning to fall in love.

Yes, you, the ice princess of one of the most respected law firms all over the city was beginning to soften up at a certain blue-eyed man who had magical hands.

But tonight – tonight you’d forget about him.

Your stomach was heavy with expensive liquor and you were nearly staggering on your knees, the only thing preventing you from falling were your more sober friends. The others were holding you close to keep you upright, while one of your friends moved to a quieter part of the block to call an Uber for you. Your friends were all happily married, some with children, so they couldn’t really stay out too late at night and chaperone you all the way back home.

You were well-aware you were being a bother, but fuck, couldn’t you lean on someone for just once? Sighing, you leaned closer to your warm friend, mumbling something about wanting to forget about everything you’ve been through.

“There, there,” she patted your head comfortingly, “You’ll be fine, babe, you’re a strong woman. I know you’ll get through this.”

“But I hate it,” you drunkenly admitted, lips trembling the more you thought about him, every stupid little thing about him – his soft white hair, those pretty blue eyes he always hid under shades even at night, his large, calloused hands that always felt so rough when keeping your legs open for him and you couldn’t even start talking about his cock, he was just so blessed and perfect in every little thing that you hated it. You hated him. “I don’t like this feeling,” you sniffled, “I feel like I’m being looked down on, that I’m being pushed to the side. I feel unimportant, like I’m not good enough.”

“Who said you aren’t?”

You froze in your friend’s arms, eyes meeting with those blue ones you could never get enough of. As if noticing your silence, your friend immediately covers you with her arm, glaring at your boyfriend. “Do we know you or something?”

“No,” Satoru replies coolly, brows furrowed in the state you were in. You turned away from him with a scoff, arms crossed on your chest. Why did he have to be here out of all places? Wasn’t he busy with work or whatever family shit he apparently couldn’t tell you about even though you’ve both been dating for a year and a half now? He just wasn’t giving you a break, and the hairs on your arm stood up when he said, “Not that you have to, but may I please drive Y/N home?”

“She’s not going anywhere—”

“She’s a friend of mine,” he insisted, turning to you with a pleading look in his eyes. You almost melted. Almost. “I need to talk to her about something.”

You rolled your eyes and stepped forward, your friend’s arm latching onto yours. You could tell she was worried from the way her gaze darted back and forth between you two. Satoru was, after all, clearly uninvited, and he didn’t seem like your type either. You always insisted you preferred refined man, men like his friend Nanami Kento, but alas, you were stuck dating this one instead.

“It’s fine,” you told her with a fake smile, “I’ll call you later when I get home.”

You never got to call her – simply because you didn’t make it home. The moment Satoru closed the car doors behind you, you both got into a heated argument. Satoru hated silences and always made sure the car was filled with music, but this time, he didn’t notice there weren’t any songs when you opened your mouth.

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the anger and pent-up tension of not being able to hold him and kiss him in public like normal couples did, in addition to the fact Satoru never explained why he insisted on keeping you a secret – whatever it was, you just snapped.

“I don’t even understand why I’m still dating you!” you huffed, legs crossed on top of the other as you gazed out the window. Lips trembling, you tried so hard to not cry, especially not in front of the man who was breaking your heart. “This is hardly a relationship when I’m not free to call or text you as you please, when I can’t go out with you on dates and we’re always hanging in my apartment. I’m your girlfriend, Satoru, we’ve been together for a long time but I honestly don’t even feel like it. What the hell are we dating for then?”

Satoru clenched his teeth, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. “How many times do I have to tell you that I love you,” he said coolly, acting unbothered and unaffected as ever, but the clench in his jaw said otherwise. “If that’s not enough—”

“Of course it’s not enough!”

“I’m trying here too, okay?” Satoru slammed on the brakes and parked on a desolated spot, hands running through his hair while he breathed heavily. Once he’d calmed down, he shook his head, refusing to look you in the eye like a man. “I’m trying my best. It’s just hard. It isn’t as easy as it looks.”

“What isn’t easy as it looks? Dating me? Letting the whole world know I’m yours?” when Satoru didn’t respond, you scoffed, patience running low and thin. “You’re pathetic, Satoru. Dating you was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, and I thought I was a smart woman.”

With a shake of your head, you slung your purse over your shoulder and reached for the car door. You were about to leave when Satoru suddenly pulled you towards him, his lips slamming into yours.  Like always, you fell into his trap, into the blissful pleasure that was his lips and his hands, and you hated it, hated him, hated him so fucking much because you were so tired of his entire existence.

You wanted to let him know he was insufferable.

You wanted him to feel the pain and misery he put you through.

“I fucking hate you,” you snarled as Satoru kept fucking into you, the entire car windows fogged and the vehicle shaking. “I wish I never met you, you asshole,” Satoru, displeased, only buries himself deeper into you, as if they would erase his mistakes and shortcomings.

Satoru’s large hands snake to your waist and onto your breasts, expertly tweaking them between his fingers. Your head fell back to the crook of his shoulder, your back pressed against his hard chest as Satoru trapped you in his strong arms, impaling you on his cock over and over again. “You’re lying,” he whispered into your neck, tongue and teeth playfully sucking at the tender flesh. His grip on your hip was bruising and possessive, and your breasts bounced fervently at how he snapped his hips upwards to feel your walls coat him and hug him tightly and warmly. “Why would you hate me, sweet girl? Don’t I always make you feel good? Don’t I remind you enough that you’re the best fucking thing ever?”

You didn’t respond right away, your breath taken away with how you could never get enough of this, of him. He was right no matter how much you denied it. Despite being terrible in everything else, Satoru knew and respected you, even admired your dominance and intelligence when other men were intimidated by it.

No, he worshipped you. He made you feel like you were a divine goddess when he tugged at your hair to tilt your cheek to him, his tongue slithering to your lips to taste himself on his tongue from when you previously busted his nut with just your mouth.

Lipsticks smeared on his cheeks and crescent moons on his pale thigh from your nails, Satoru looked wonderful beneath you like this.

He was beautiful, so damn beautiful, but it didn’t change the fact he’d put you through hell these past few weeks. 

No, it wasn’t just the past few weeks. Things were always complicated with him. He was perfect in everything else but when it came to you, he made it a mission to hide you and your relationship, changing your contact name to a totally random one “just in case.”

Your mind was confuzzled and you felt like you were on the urge of breaking apart from both his ministrations and his confusing treatment over you. Before you knew it, you were kissing him back fervently with the intensity of your hatred over this man.

Your hand reached his to guide it to rub at your clit, and Satoru, eager to make you feel good as always, happily obliged. Satoru kept bouncing you on his cock until you were too overwhelmed to speak, crying and mumbling incomprehensible words. 

Him, only him, would ever have the ability to let the sharp-tongued and intelligent woman who never bat an eye in court lose her wide vocabulary, falling apart in his arms while his long length abused your puffy lips.

“You made me feel like shit,” you finally admitted, tugging at his hair until Satoru is lowly groaning at the slight sting. But did you care? Of course you didn’t. You wanted to hurt him too.

“How so, sweet girl?”

“I can never have you the way I want,” you answered through gritted teeth, moaning out when Satoru suddenly thrusted too deep, hitting your most sensitive spot that had you quivering in his hold. “You don’t—” you gasped, “You don’t understand what I feel, how you make me feel like I’m never good enough for you. That’s the reason why you don’t want anyone else knowing, right? ‘Cause I’m not good enough for you, never gonna be good—”

Satoru didn’t let you finish your words, shutting you up with his cock instead. The vehicle shook uncontrollably with your mating sessions, and Satoru silences you by pulling at your leg to press it on his chest instead.

The sudden switch in positions had your muscles tensing and stretching, adding only to both your pleasures with the new thrown in factor of slight pain. You felt Satoru kiss your neck down to your shoulders, scraping his canines until you were absolutely lost. You gave in, you gave up, head lolling back next to his loving lips that murmured sweet nothings.

“Not true, sweet girl,” he reminded you, flattening you on his cock and making you roll your hips while you slid up and down his pole sensually. Unlike the previous pace, the slow sensation of your pussy hugging his cock with your arousal letting him slide in easily allowed you to feel every part of him, almost mind-wrecking at how good he’s able to make you feel even after such a long time of having him already.

“You’re the sexiest and most intelligent woman I’ve ever met, the best, the absolute blessing of my life, and I just want to protect you, sweet girl. You’re too precious for me to lose,” Satoru kept mumbling over and over again.

You could no longer process his words functionally, not when he’s slamming you down his length like that and burying himself in you as if he didn’t want to be anywhere else.

Satoru’s hands were still curious, appreciative and gentle as he runs his hands, dipping into all your curves and pressing into your most sensitive spots the way you liked it.

“You’re always so good for me so no, sweet girl, never gonna let you go, not when you’re so perfect for me,” Satoru eased your worries – temporarily – with his words, and you’d believe his lie, you’d fall into the same mistakes over and over again because you were just that weak and powerless when it came to him. “You’re made just for me, sweet girl, you’re the prettiest and your pussy is the prettiest – I worship you, I adore you. You’re so divine.”

You blamed it all on your ego.

He praised you so well, made you feel so good and always placed you on top of the world when he’s inside you like this. Even if you knew he’d knock you down the pedestal just hours later, you opened your doors for him all over again.

Satoru knew this too, because he rammed inside your walls and ruined everything that you held firm beliefs in, his large hands smacking your ass to urge you to bounce on him like you weren’t made for any other purpose than to be the woman he adored.

You lied to yourself – you always did – but did you care? So what if you couldn’t be the one he really loved? What did it all matter when you were the one he worshipped?

For the sake of the praise and the compliments, you’d let him fuck you and play with your heart over and over again. It was a toxic routine you’d never get tired of, and you no longer complained, forgetting about everything he’d done and every heartbreak he caused you because he was there, whispering into your ears how good you made him feel and how you were the only one made to take him, and you didn’t care. Not anymore – not when you were worshipped.

[nightowlfandom]

Noctis Lucis Caelum- Anything For You

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More Final Fantasy content....YYYYYYAAAAYY

Leggo

...

“Good girl.” you smiled as the yellow feathered Chocobo ate from your hand. “Eat up, you need your energy.” you scratched the top of her head as she squawked gratefully.

“Y/N are you still here?” the farmhand, Faye emerged from the stables to find you. “Do you not have any other plans?”

“Trust me.” you began to laugh. “I’d much rather scoop up giant bird poops than deal with my personal life right now...or lack thereof.”

“Well isn’t that somethin- Is that the crown prince I see?” she looked past you which made you follow her eyes. “It is?! Prince Noctis on my Chocobo farm. Quick! How do I look?” 

“Like a farmer.” you laughed in reply. “Perhaps get the shit off your boots.”

“Damnit! I should have worn my new ones.” She began wiping the bottoms of her shoes against the grass. 

“Faye, he’s just a prince. I don’t know what’s so great about him anyways.” you rolled your eyes. “He seems like an asshole from what I’ve seen of him.”

“You’ve never even met him.” she put her hands on her hips. “Maybe you’ll like him!”

“Sure, whatever you say, Faye.”  you laughed. “That’ll happen.”

...

“Ugh why are we here anyways?” Noctis rolled his eyes as Ignis pulled up to the famous Chocobo farm.

“Because!” Prompto snapped in reply. The blond male didn’t even wait for the car to fully stop before he jumped out. “The eggs are supposed to be hatching today and I want to be the first to capture a picture of those featherless faces!”

“Of course.” he scoffed. Noctis liked Chocobos, sure. He just didn’t think an idea of a good Saturday morning was to spend the day at a bunch of dirty, smelly, stables, for a bunch of unhatched eggs no less. “Great.”

“I suggest you fix your face, the farmhand is here.” Gladio grunted, hopping out of the car. “Wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings.”

“Whateve-” Noctis turned his head towards the loud squawking when his eyes landed on you. You were feeding a random Chocobo while talking to that farmgirl who ran the stables. “Woah.” he felt his heart flutter. Who were you?! He heard you laugh from where he was and felt his heart stop. Your laugh, it was beautiful.

“Yo? Who is that girl?” Noctis scrambled out of the car, nearly falling on his face. He tried desperately to fix himself up. “Specs?”

“I believe she frequents the shops not too far from here.” Ignis replied in his usually cool manner. “I believe she is also a friend of that Dino character we run into from time to time.”

“No way. Her?! Friends with that-” Noctis shook his head in disbelief. He found it impossible to walk forward. Gravity was stopping him. He didn’t even notice everyone else walking ahead of him. He had never seen you around before but he wished he had. “Woah....”

...

You were still chatting with Faye when a group of guys ran up. One of them held a camera and looked as if he were about to explode. You had no time to register the camera flash. Good think he captured your good side.

“I AM HERE FOR THE EGGS!” he declared. His abrasiveness surprised you. Was he talking about the new hatchlings? 

“Ummm-” Faye looked scared. “You here to volunteer?”

“Heck yeah I am!” he explosive blonde looked as if he was about to piss himself from excitement. “I WANT TO HOLD YOUR CHOCOBOS!”

“Alright! Keep your pants on. Follow me. Y/N, you’ll be good here right?” Faye asked, seemingly frightened by the giddy young man. 

“Yeah.” you stifled a laugh. “I’ll be just fine here.” you shook your head as the man ran full force for the stables. You were about to go about your business when a black haired boy stumbled up to you. “For a royal, you’re pretty clumsy.” you stifled laughter.

“Huh?!” he looked taken aback. “You know who I am?”

“...I mean aren’t I supposed to?” you turned back towards the Chocobo. “Prince Noctis?” you tried to hold in your distaste, but he caught up on it instantly.

“Is there an issue with me-”

“As a matter of fact there is. Don’t think I didn’t notice that face you were making when you pulled up with your friends.” you cut him off. “Big and bad prince man can’t be seen around a few Chocobos?”

“Oh, no that’s not it at all.” Noctis tried to explain himself in the best way he could. 

“Then what exactly is it?” you turned towards him again. “I mean really?”

“Okay so I admit my attitude isn’t the best-”:

“So you admit it?” you held back harsh laugh. “Hm, It’s a start.” you shrugged.

“I mean, you aren’t really giving me a fair chance. You only know me from the papers.” he explained. “You don’t really know me as a person. For all I know you could be a stalker.”

“I am no a stalker!” you looked him up and down. 

“I wouldn’t know that.” he winked. “So maybe we both have it all wrong.”

“And what do you wanna do to fix that, go on a date or something?” you scoffed.

“Yes!” he replied honestly. “Let me prove I’m not some asshole!”

“Is it that imperative that you go out of your way to prove to me that you aren’t an asshole?” you raised a brow.

“Yes!” he nodded quickly.

...

You boredly sat at the restaurant table. He was late. 15 minutes to be exact. 

“I knew this was a load of-” you prepared yourself to stand up when a man frantically rushed in.

“I’M HERE!” Noctis yelled, grabbing the attention of the other patrons. He practically fell into the chair right across from you. 

“Nice of you to show.” you sat back down. You decided to humor this guy. “Care to explain?”

“Sorry! Stupid Prompto gave me the wrong address and...woah...” he nearly drooled all over the place seeing you in your tight black dress. “You look...amazing.”

“Sure I do.” you scoffed. “I’m sure I still have dried up chocobo shit in my hair,” you turned away from him, feeling your insecurity creep up on you, tons more than usual. “But thank you.” you relaxed in your chair.

“No I mean it! Even when I saw you...I thought you were beautiful.” he expressed.

“Really?” you paused to look him in the eye. 

“Really.” he smiled. “You’re the best looking girl here.” 

“I definitely don’t believe that...but thank you.” you said shyly. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. 

....

“What about that one?” you pointed to a random star.

“That one, there’s a legend that it’s a parallel version of this world.” 

You both sat at the edge of the lake, staring into the moonlit sky. After dinner, Noctis had taken you to the docks on Galdin Quay. 

“No way. “You stared at the star in wonder. “How many worlds do you think there are?”

“Infinite, my dad says so.” Noctis replied. “All different versions of us doing different things.” he smiled to himself. “Maybe there’s a version of me that...is actually proud to be a prince.” he glowered. 

“Maybe there’s a version of me whose the royal instead.” you nudged him. That made him chuckle a bit. 

“If that’s the case...I’d be happy to bow down to you.” he flirted. He looked back at the sky. “Try that one.” he pointed.

“I know that one.” you beamed a little. “There’s a legend called the Lover’s Star, if a couple sees it on their first date...they’ll be together forever.” you mused romantically. It was only then you had realized your fingers had laced into Noctis’s. 

“Maybe today was our lucky day.” he winked. After a second of silence, you decided to confess.

“I was wrong about you.” you said honestly a while. “I think you’re pretty amazing, Noct.” you chuckled. 

“So...” he smiled deviously. “Are ya gonna say I’m sorry?” he mocked.

“You wish. You’re still a stuck up prince to me...you’re just not an asshole prince.” you stuck your tongue out at him. “You’re not like most guys around here.” you shyly looked away from him you dug your toes into the sand. 

“Well I’m not from around here.” he replied. “You’re different from everyone around here. You’re not all into me because I’m The Prince Noctis- that’s all I want. I want someone to see me for who I am...not what I am.”

You shyly kicked your legs in the water, looking at the ripples in the water.. “I’m glad I could be that person for you Noctis.” you smiled.

“Guess this means you’re gonna be part of my team now?” he bit his lip. “You’ll be my...ummm...I’ll think of something.”

“I look forward to it.” you giggled. 

“Hm for now...come here.” he winked, gently holding the side of your face. Noctis kissed you. You felt your senses go off. You instantly grabbed his face, kissing him back.

...

You fell back on the hotel bed, refusing to disconnect from a feverish prince throwing himself at you. He kissed you with urgency, as if you would disappear before his eyes. He tore a rip up your dress hastily. 

Your tongues clashed together as you kissed, the air was getting heavy. You helped Noctis out of his jacket. Your dress had turned to ribbons and your panties weren’t too far behind. 

“N-noctis..” you hissed, feeling his hands explore every inch of your body.

“You feel even better than I imagined you would.” he kissed your bare stomach. “You’re so beautiful.” he moaned. It was like you were the goddess, the royal, and he was the peasant.

You felt shy under his gaze. He stared up at you, biting his lip. “I don’t think I can wait...” he groaned. “A-are you okay with this?”

“God, yes.” you mewled as he kissed your thighs. 

“I wanna worship you.” he moaned, ghosting his lips over your center. You shyly stared down at Noctis who looked up at you with a shit eating grin. 

He sunk his tongue into you, lashing against your pussy. You instantly grabbed a fist full of his hair. You and him both were a mess. Hisses and prolonged moans escaped your lungs along with his name. You were sure the people in the next room could hear you. 

Noctis crawled over you again, a predatory glare in his eyes. He bit his lip, staring down at you. “You’re so fucking cute...”

...

“I’d do anything for you.” he moaned against your lips. “I’ll take care of you for the rest of my life.” he whimpered, his thrusts growing sloppily. He bucked his hips rhythmically, your bodies moving and grinding in sweet friction. His cock twitched inside of you as he grew near his release, but he wanted to wait. He wanted to cum to the sounds of your cries and screams. ”Gonna make you my queen and w-we’ll rule together until our hearts give out baby. F-FUUUCCKK.”

“Noctis.” you croaked. Hearing his words in your ear made you hiss in delight. This alone caused him to dig his nails into your sides and thrust even deeper into your heat. You didn’t know what else do you but let a stream of cries escape your lungs. 

“I love it when you say my name.” he grunted. “Say it again.”

“N-noctis.” your insides lurched as you tightened around his length. “I wanna- I’m gonna-”

“Again.” he barked. “Never stop saying my name. Never say another man’s name!” he sank his teeth into the crook of your neck. “You’re mine, baby. You’re all mine.” he growled.

“Noctisss.” you arched your back. “F-fu-” you whimpered, at the impact. “S-shit!”

Noctis yanked himself from you, spraying his cum all over your stomach. Shortly before, you came too, feeling your water run down your leg. He fell forward, burying his head into your neck. “Baby, I’d fucking do everything for you.”

You shook under his body, whimpering at his gentle touches. You felt him kiss your need lovingly as you both drifted off to sleep.

...

[cryonme]

𝐈 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐁𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐕

PART FIVE- “Just Because They’re Not Here Doesn’t Mean They Stopped Being Wonderful.”

part one here

part two here

part three here

part four here

short series- jj maybank x kook!reader

word count- 4.3k

tw- guns, knives, mentions of weed, stabbing, swearing, mentions of death, fluff 😊, angst 👿, mentions of murder, fighting, drinking, mentions of stitches and hospitals. lmk if I missed anything

a/n- don’t u all love how I said this was gonna be a “short” series and now we’re at 19.2k words total and five parts? and not even done yet? lol. anyway, this chapter is a fucking rollercoaster of emotions and shit gets really real really fast so hold onto your hats, grab some popcorn, and happy reading!

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

“Wait, what the fuck?”

Your friends all stared at you with wide eyes, mouths agape. JJ’s grip tightened on your thigh, you winced a little but he didn’t let up, which you were glad he didn’t.

“Wait, your mom is dead?” John B asked, earning a smack on the back of the head from Sarah.

“You had a sister?!” Pope explained, confusion plastered on his face. “I thought that was just a ru- OW!” A smack from Kiara.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “Yeah.”

“You think you know a person then all of the sudden she has a dead mom and sister who were killed by her step brother that you didn’t know about.” John B said, a hint of humor in his voice.

“This isn’t funny, John B.” Sarah scolded.

“It’s fine, Sarah.” You assured your friend. “Look, I know I’m a shit friend for not telling you guys things about my life. Tyler, the abortion, my mom and sister. And I’ll work on getting better at it but all of that isn’t important right now, okay?” You looked between John B and Pope, waiting expectedly before they both nodded and backed off.

“What makes you say that, (Y/n)?” Kie asked you, fully turning her attention to you.

“Well when- um, when Tyler showed up at my house that day,” You swallowed your fear, sitting up straight and taking a deep breath. “When Tyler showed up at my house that day, he said ‘I did everything I could to get my mom to marry your dad. My mom doesn’t know, but what she doesn’t know won’t kill her, and now you’re ruining everything with your fat fucking mouth.’”

The room was silent. Nobody really knew what to make out of all of this, all this time you had come off so unbothered, like your life was picture perfect and there was never a dark cloud in your sky. Everything that had happened the past couple of weeks came out of nowhere for the group of friends, especially JJ, John B and Pope, who didn’t even know you had a step brother. But when the three thought back on it, they never really asked.

After about a minute of everyone sitting in shock, Sarah spoke up, “Well, we need to tell your dad and Christine, right?’

You shook your head, “Not until I have enough proof. The entire island’s eyes are on me right now and if I’m wrong I make a fool of myself. I know this is gonna sound really stupid but, I need to find Tyler.”

“No.” JJ protested, his voice sharp.

“You’re right, (Y/n). That does sound stupid.” Pope agreed.

“Super stupid.” John B chimed in.

“I love you, but I have never heard more stupid words leave your mouth.” Kiara said.

“Guys, maybe hear her out.” Sarah said.

Kie whipped her head to the side, looking at the blonde girl in bewilderment. “Seriously? I’m not listening to you when all you seem to do is put (Y/n) in more danger.”

“I didn’t mean to! I didn’t know what the fuck to do!” “You tell someone, dumbass!”

“Jesus, you two! Shut the fuck up!” You interjected, standing up and stomping your foot, ignoring the shooting pain going up your leg.

“I came here because I need help, not to sit here and be judged and have you two fight with each other. Kie, lay off. I begged Sarah not to say anything until I was ready, and promised not to go home until I said something, okay? And you two.” You gestured to John B and Pope, “Telling me I’m stupid for something that I haven’t even explained yet is a little premature. Can we all fucking focus?” You had your time to cry and allow yourself to be broken, but now it was time to get shit done.

Kie shrunk in her seat, muttering a half assed “Sorry” under her breath and crossing her arms. John B and Pope nodded, both boys looking down at their shoes. You sat back down and JJ’s hand returned to its rightful spot on your thigh.

“Now, just, listen to me for a second. We,” You put the emphasis on that word so everyone would be a little bit more open to the idea, “Need to find Tyler so we can somehow record a confession from him. I’ll rile him up, and once I get the confession we get the fuck out. Got it?”

“How the fuck are you gonna find him? Even the Sheriff's department can’t find him.” Sarah said.

“Right,” You responded, “First thing to consider, the police are incompetent, especially here. They probably looked at my house and his job before giving up.”

JJ chuckled, shaking his head as he listened to you talk in awe.

“Second thing to consider, I have his number. I can ask him to meet up and talk it out.”

“The more you talk, the more I really don’t like this plan.” JJ muttered, raking his fingers through his hair.

“The more you talk, the more I wanna kick your teeth in.” You smiled sweetly, “This is the only way.” You tried pulling a joke, but JJ’s face remained concerned, so your face fell and you leaned into him. “I’ll be okay, JJ. I’ve been dealing with Tyler for years, okay?”

JJ nodded, taking a deep breath before pulling away from you.

“So what can we do?”

“Wherever I meet up with Tyler, I need you all to be on standby. Someone on lookout, someone hiding near me just in case things go south, and someone waiting in the vam.”

Everyone agreed in unison, nodding their heads. “Anything we can to get this asshole put away.” John B said, giving you an encouraging smile.

+

After going over a few details, and finally sending the text to Tyler that you wanted to meet up, the pogues dispersed around the chateau. Pope was talking Sarah’s ear off about the latest book he had just finished while she politely listened and even threw in a couple of her own thoughts, John B and Kie playfully jabbed long sticks at each other, and JJ stood on the porch, watching you swing by yourself on the hammock, lost in thought. He was trying to decide if he should approach you, or give you space. Just then you turned your head and made eye contact with the blond boy, a soft smile on your face, your signature red lipstick back where it belongs.

Fuck space.

He bounded down the stairs and made his way over to you on the hammock, plopping down next to you. Neither of you said anything for a couple minutes, there wasn’t much to say.

“I was 14.” You said, breaking the silence, causing JJ’s head to turn towards you. He stayed silent as you continued.

“Hit and run.” You laughed bitterly. “My little sister was 12. We were finally getting to the point where we didn’t fight everyday, we were becoming friends. She had just started asking me for advice about boys and was always asking to have sleepovers.” You smiled, remembering your little sister fondly. “It still hurts. It’ll always hurt, I think. But, I’ve learned I can’t change what happened, and I try to be thankful for the time I had with her. I would say she probably wouldn’t want me to be sad, but that’s not true, she loved attention.” JJ laughed with you this time.

“What’s her name?” JJ asked.

“Layla.” You responded, her name feeling weird on your tongue. You hadn’t said her name in years. “And my mom, gosh there was no one like my mom.” JJ wasn’t asking, but you were telling.

“She just always understood, you know? She’d let me stay home if my mind was taking over, she continued to buy the ice cream I told her was my favorite when I was 7, I didn’t have the heart to tell her I didn’t like it anymore.” You frowned, staring at your hands. “Christine is great, I love her with everything in me. But sometimes I wish she was in my life under different circumstances.”

JJ nodded in understanding, taking his hand in yours and pressing a lingering kiss to it. “They sound wonderful.”

“They are- were.”

JJ shook his head, “Just because they’re not here doesn’t mean they stopped being wonderful.”

You yanked JJ’s hand so his arm wrapped around your shoulder and you leaned into him, earning a sweet kiss on the top of your head.

“You’re sweet, princess.” You teased, using the nickname that you would use when the two of you fought.

“Tell anyone and you’re dead meat, baby.”

You laughed, resting your head on his chest. “What changed your mind about me?” You asked, biting your bottom lip.

JJ thought for a moment, mulling over his words to avoid saying the wrong thing.

“I never changed my mind.”

Your heart dropped as you began to pull away, feeling embarrassed.

“Uh uh uh, let me finish.” JJ pulled you back against him and you huffed. “I never changed my mind because I’ve felt this way about you all along. I’ve never had such strong feelings for a person before, so when you came along I mistook all of the signs as hatred. My mom left and my dad…” JJ trailed off for a moment, trying to put together his words in the least concerning way possible, “My dad takes his anger out on me. And I just never really learned how to receive love, or how to understand it.”

Your heart sank at JJ’s words. All those times he’d show up to the Chateau with bruises and scrapes, telling everyone to fuck off instead of boasting about how he “totally kicked that kooks ass”, it was his dad.

“JJ-”

“Mmm, let’s not do that now, yeah? Just know I’ve adored you this whole time, I was just too stupid to see it.”

“When did you change your mind about me?” JJ asked.

You pondered for a moment, thinking back on when you first started thinking of JJ differently.

“That night at the Boneyard, when Tyler showed up. I was dancing with Pope and all I could think was, ‘I need JJ’, and then there you were. I didn’t want you to ever leave my side again. When you took me back to the Chateau and sat me down on the couch, I was confused because I felt so safe and loved, more than I ever have. It was so out of the blue. Hours before we had just been screaming at each other and then I never wanted you to let me go.”

“You’re making this really hard, Red.” JJ huffed, running a hand over his face.

“What?” You asked craning your neck to look up at him.

“Not kissing you.”

You sat up from your position on his chest, turning your body so you were facing each other, your legs hanging off one side of the hammock and his off the other.

“Then kiss me.”

“(Y/n)...”

“What, scared?”

JJ didn’t say anything, he just looked at you. You had that striking red grin, and your eyes held that glint of mischief and joy.

“You were just inconsolable like, an hour ago.”

“But I’m not now.”

“I-”

“Please, JJ.” You pouted, your eyes big and your frown deep as you slowly reached for him.

And he couldn’t say no to that face.

He slowly brought his hand up to cradle the side of your neck, his thumb resting on your cheek as his face slowly leaned into yours, his hand softly pulling you closer by the neck. You brought one hand up to the back of his neck, burying your fingers in his hair as his other hand found its place on your waist. You stared at each other for a moment, noses barely touching. Your heart was beating so fast you felt like it was about to crawl out of your throat, the anticipation was driving you crazy but you were also cherishing every second of it, just being so close to him, knowing what’s about to happen.

His lips just barely brushed over yours and your entire body erupted in butterflies, goosebumps dancing all up and down your arms and legs.

“You fucker.” You teased and JJ giggled before fully planting his lips on yours. You felt like you had been on fire and had been dumped into an ice bath. The relief that covered your entire body and soul was something you had never felt before. You had kissed plenty of people in your lifetime, and nothing had ever compared to the feeling you had kissing JJ.

You pulled away for a moment to catch your breath, but JJ whined and pulled you back into him, bringing you to sit on his lap as he continued to kiss you. You both giggled and broke apart when you nearly toppled out of the hammock, JJ’s hands immediately steadying you. He looked up at you while stroking your cheekbone with his thumb before planting soft kisses to your arm, trailing his lips up to your shoulder, neck, cheek and finally one last sweet kiss on your lips.

“Well it’s about goddamn time!” John B yelled as the rest of the pogues whooped and hollered, jumping up and down. Both of you flipped off your friends and JJ kissed you once more, your middle fingers still in the air.

“You’re fucking incredible.” JJ muttered once you broke yet another kiss.

“I know.” You smirked.

Once JJ helped you off the hammock, with a lot of wincing and you telling him his kissing made your bruised lip hurt, you made your way back over to your friends, an unmistakable feeling of joy filling everyone’s hearts.

John B handed you and JJ a beer, which you had to decline because of your concussion, much to your dismay, but you gladly took the joint that Kie offered you, blowing out the smoke into JJ’s mouth before taking the hit for yourself. The sun started to set on the Chateau, so Pope and John B set up a fire and Kie brought out her ukulele, her and Sarah singing in harmony to Over the Rainbow by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole. Your heart swelled in your chest listening to JJ quietly singing along with his arm slung around your shoulders, his face was tinted the slightest shade of pink from being in the sun all day, making his eyes look impossibly more blue. You knew tomorrow brought troubles and anxiety, but you pushed them to the back of your mind, enjoying this beautiful moment with your friends. You rested your head on JJ’s shoulder, your hand coming up to hold his that was around your shoulder, placing a gentle kiss on his hand. JJ blushed and squeezed you just a little bit tighter.

“(Y/n), you staying the night?”

You smiled and nodded, your eyes a bit droopy from the weed. You had texted Christine already, telling her you were staying the night and assuring her that everyone was staying the night and you were safe.

“Yes!” Sarah exclaimed, getting up from her spot next to John B. “More beer?” Everyone apart from you nodded as Sarah made her way inside the house to grab more cold beer.

“Aw, well if it isn’t the goonies.”​​

That voice.

Tyler approached the Chateau, Topper, Kelce and Rafe hot on his heels.

Everyone stood up immediately, JJ pushed you behind him without a second thought.

“Heard my baby sister wanted to meet up tonight, thought I’d come to her, spare her the trouble.” Tyler said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

You were appreciative of JJ’s protectiveness over you, but this was your fight. “I know what you did, Tyler.” You said, trying your hardest to hide the shakiness in your voice as you pushed JJ out of your way, taking a couple steps forward.

“There she is!” Tyler exclaimed, gesturing his arms to you. “You don’t know shit, dumbass.”

“You killed my mom and sister.”

“Me?” Tyler raised a hand to his chest in shock and turned to his friends, who all shook their heads like you were crazy. “I would never do such a thing.” “You said-”

“Did you hit your head too hard the other day? Sounds to me like you’re making things up.”

He was trying to make you feel crazy, and you weren’t putting up with it.

“What was your plan, huh?” You asked, standing your ground. “Hit my mom and my little sister with your car, devastating my family so my dad could go running into your unknowing mother’s arms. Were you gonna kill all of us next so you could get the money? How exactly did you plan on doing that?”

Tyler’s chest was heaving up and down, sharp breaths coming in and out of his nose.

“Layla was 12 years old, you psychopath.”

“I never meant to kill your fucking sister!”

And there it was. Eerie silence fell over the Chateau like a heavy blanket.

“You motherfucker.” You shrieked, stomping forward and sending your hand flying across his cheek. Before you could even blink, Tyler had his hand around your throat and the barrel of a gun pressed to your jaw. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. You could see the pogues, Kiara with a hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes, hugging Sarah close to her, John B and Pope holding JJ back, his eyes wild with anger and fear. You could see Topper and Kelce with wide eyes, obviously unaware of the gun in your step brother's possession. You could see Rafe with a knowing grin on his face. Bastard.

You were terrified, panic surging through your body as you tried to stay still so you wouldn’t anger him with any sudden movements.

“Any of you even think about moving and I kill her!” He screamed.

“Tyler, put the gun down man, what the fuck?” Topper said, his voice calm, trying to talk him down.

“Fuck you!”

And suddenly Tyler was on the ground, the gun flying into the darkness. JJ wasted no time running to your step brother, grabbing him by his shirt collar and beating his face with his fists. You and Rafe made eye contact before both of you made a break for the gun, scrambling through the darkness. Rafe tackled you down and tried to reach for it, but you kneed him in the crotch, hoping to buy you a couple seconds. The Cameron boy groaned and held his area, toppling over and whining in a fetal position.

“Pussy boy.” You rolled your eyes and crawled toward the gun, smiling once it was in your grip before Rafe pulled you back by your ankle. You flipped over onto your back and pointed the gun at him.

“You don’t have the guts.”

“Self defense, bitch. Now get off of me.”

Rafe backed up with his hands in the air and you made your way back to the group, gun in hand, still pointed at Rafe. Tyler and JJ were going at it, both throwing punches and kicks, the rest of the group fighting off Topper and Kelce.

“Back off my friends or I'll shoot!” You yelled, and everyone stopped and turned to you with your gun pointed at Rafe. The three kooks backed off with their hands up in surrender.

“You won’t shoot me, Little Red.” Tyler said, walking closer to you.

“I will if you try anything.” You responded, taking the gun off of Rafe and shoving him forward so he was still in your eyesight, now pointing it at Tyler.  

“You stay away from her!” JJ yelled, charging towards Tyler but quickly being held back by Rafe and Topper.

Tyler got so close to you that the gun was touching his t-shirt.

Why was he testing you? He had to have something up his sleeve.

The motherfucker literally had something up his sleeve.

Tyler tore a switchblade out of his jacket sleeve and jabbed it into your collarbone, and in the same second you fired the gun.

Your brain felt fuzzy, you couldn’t even feel the knife in your collarbone, the only way you knew it was there was because you could see it sticking out of the corner of your eye.

You heard screams, multiple screams.

Footsteps running away.

Was someone crying?

Were you crying?

Everyone ran to you, JJ leading the group, so he got to you first. He immediately put his hands on your face, frantically searching your eyes before you dropped to your knees, JJ following suit.

“Baby, look at me.” He said firmly. Someone gently took the gun from your hands, why were you still holding it? You brought your hand up to touch the knife, crying out in pain from the smallest touch.

“No, don’t touch it, okay? Leave it alone, paramedics are on their way okay?”

You still didn’t look at him, your eyes were wide as you stared at everyone around you, their faces full of concern.

“She’s in shock.” Pope stated. He was crouched in front of you, next to JJ. “Try to bring her back to reality.”

“How the fuck do I do that?” JJ snapped.

“Chill, JJ! Talk to her, touch her, anything!”

JJ’s left hand continued to cradle your face and you leaned into his touch as his right hand threaded through your hair. “You’re okay, okay? Can you talk to me?” His voice broke, tears beginning to fill his blue eyes.

Your eyes wandered away from the group and landed on Tyler’s body, lifeless. You let out a gasp as if all of the wind had been knocked out of your body.

“I killed him.” You rasped.

JJ quickly moved in front of the body, blocking your view of him. Your breathing was shallow as you brought your hands up to your neck, trying to claw at the skin to make way for you to breathe. Pope’s hands gently grabbed yours, moving them away from your neck and holding them in your lap. JJ gave him a thankful nod and he situated himself in front of you.

“Christine-” Your body flooded with guilt and sadness for your stepmom, that was her son. He may have done unspeakable things to you and her family but that was her son. And you killed him.

“Hey, hey, hey. Shhh,” JJ was quick to stop the terrible thought. “You had to, okay? She’ll understand. Just focus on me, baby.”

You nodded and squeezed Pope’s hands, focusing your eyes on JJ’s.

“You’re doing so good, pretty girl. Just a couple more minutes, okay?”

You nodded again. The pain in your collarbone was beginning to worsen as your shock wore off and you whimpered.

Great, you thought, another fucking injury to make my life even better.

Really your whole body hurt, your concussion and bruises worsening and stitches ripping open from Rafe tackling you to the ground.

“It hurts.” You whine, a single tear escaping from your eye, JJ wiped it before it could run down your face. “I know.” He whispered. “I know, my love, I’m so sorry.” He rested his forehead on yours, trying his best to give you as much comfort as he could without pulling you against him and driving the blade further in.

“Fuck, you guys. We didn’t get a recording.” Kie said, slapping her palm against her forehead. You removed one hand from Pope’s and worked through your pain and brought your phone out of your back pocket, tossing it on the ground, not having enough strength to hand it to her.

John B picked it up and smiled, your phone had been recording the entire time, starting just a minute after Tyler made himself known at the Chateau.

“(Y/n), you magnificent kook.” John B said, giving your arm a squeeze. You had moved your forehead to rest on JJ’s shoulder, your body posed awkwardly to avoid the knife being touched, one hand still in Pope’s.

Everyone was relieved, but the dead body in their presence and the knife in your body made it hard to be completely relieved. Once the paramedics and police arrived, JJ had to release you from his hold, watching the paramedics put you on the gurney and load you in the back of the ambulance, by yourself, for the second time.

Kiara and Pope were talking to the police, showing them the proof on your phone and the gun and walking them through everything that happened while JJ watched the ambulance drive away, as soon as it was out of sight he broke down, John B quick to pull his friend into his arms, Sarah gently leaned her head on his back, her hand coming up to stroke his back

“She doesn’t deserve any of this.” JJ cried, holding onto his best friend. He knew you were gonna be okay, the paramedics said the knife would be easy to remove and they could stitch up the wound easily, but he was worried about you. You would never be the same.

“She doesn’t.” John B agreed.

“I just want her to be okay.”

“I know, bubba, me too.” John B replied, his own tears brimming in his eyes, “She will be.”

JJ could feel Sarah shaking against him, her tears wetting his shirt and he unravelved in arm from John B to bring her into the hug. “Get in here, kook princess.” JJ teased through his tears. Pope and Kiara soon joined the group hug, comforting their friends through touch.

“What did Shoupe say?” JJ asked once they all pulled away, wiping at his tears.

“They said (Y/n)’s okay, a very obvious case of self defense, but they’re still going to ask her a couple questions once she’s of sound mind.” Pope answered and Kiara nodded.

“Thank God.” Sarah breathed out and JJ’s shoulders relaxed in relief, one less thing to worry about.

“Well why are we all just standing here?” John B asked after a couple moments of silence. “Let’s go see our girl.”

+

“I am still meeeeee you are still youuuuu” I couldn’t get that damn song out of my head while I was writing this

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[ltleflrt]

Hey Carrie! You talked a little the other day about writers' tendency to start a fic too early in the story, and how you see a lot of first scenes that could have been scrapped to improve the story. My question is if you have some tips to recognize while writing that first scene that you are starting too early in the story?

Hello friend!

That's a really good question, and I'll see if I can give an answer that makes sense. I am not a professional, and I'm not educated or trained in this stuff, it's just something that I recognize from years and years and years of voracious reading. And as with all writing advice, I encourage you to take what I'm going to say with a grain of salt and remember that no writing rule is a hard rule, only a guideline.

Also, my advice is going to be pertaining fanfiction, and specifically to AUs. Obviously a published book has an editor with a razor blade going through a manuscript for you, and the problems that bother me in fanfiction crop up in AUs more than Canonverse.

Oh, and every instance of "you" is general, not specific 😜

So I think the main problem that I see is that people are starting with an Info Dump. An Info Dump is not always a bad thing, sometimes it's completely necessary, but it is NOT where you want to start your story. If it absolutely has to be done, it's better to be somewhere in the middle or near the end. When it's something that your characters need to know.

That's an important bit: Do your characters need to know this?

And related to that: Does your audience need to know this for the story to make sense?

And very important follow up: If the answers to the above questions are yes, does the character/audience need to know this RIGHT NOW?

There's a lot of information about your story that YOU need to know. Heck, my notes files are full of sooooooo much stuff that I know about the characters and plot that never reaches the final product.

So when you're reading your first chapter (I say reading, not writing, because sometimes info dumping for your own benefit is good, and then you fix it before you share the story lol), ask yourself those two questions.

So for example:

In an AU where Dean is a tattoo artist, and it's his POV. The story starts with Dean driving to work, and when he gets there he's going to find out that the empty shop next door has been purchased and is going to be a yoga studio. He meets Castiel out front, up on a ladder trying to hang a hand painted sign, and some teens go running buy and knock into the ladder and Dean has to catch Castiel from falling. (Anyone who wants to adopt this idea is welcome to it btw, I would love to read this lol)

The mistake I often see in a first chapter like this is that as Dean is walking to work, there's a whole Info Dump about why he's a tattoo artist instead of a hunter. He'll be ambling along, thinking about his nice little business, and there's info about how his mom died in a fire, and his dad was a jerk, and Dean didn't go to college because he saved his money for Sammy's college fund, and Dean's only passion was art, and Bobby Singer introduced him to a tattoo shop owner who took Dean under his wing, etc.

Question 1, does your character need to know this?: Why is Dean reflecting on his past? Does Castiel need to know this information in order to build a romance with Dean?

Question 2, does your audience need to know this?: Why does this information matter? If Dean's only reflecting on this because you want to make sure your audience knows where the timeline changed and this became an AU, then you're starting too early in your story. Dean doesn't need to know this, and honestly in a lot of cases the reader doesn't need to know this. This is information that should have been left in your notes file.

Question 3, does the character/audience need to know this NOW?: If this information is pertinent to the plot, like maybe there's some trauma there that Castiel might need to know about to develop their relationship, then you don't want to put it HERE, you want to put it in a conversation with Castiel LATER.

If I was writing this AU, I would just start with Dean sipping his coffee, he's kinda tired because reasons, he looks up to see an unusual commotion, and has to drop his coffee and sprint forward to catch Cas. If he's reflecting on anything in this scene, it's going to be whatever made him tired, or how good/bad the coffee is this morning. Since Cas is a new business owner, they can talk about the origins of Dean's business on their first date, because it'll be a relevant response to Castiel talking about the origins of his yoga studio.

And just in general, if Dean's origin story includes a lot of canon elements, like mom dying in a fire, dad being a deadbeat, Sammy being the adorable overachieving Stanford student.... try to hide that info for as long as you can so that the audience is actually curious about it by the time the info might pop up. It's the wild divergences that are more interesting earlier on.

Okay, and then I want to talk about my giant pet peeve for a starting chapter. It's a specific kind of info dump, that often includes the stuff from above, but then goes a step further.

My nemesis, The Daily Grind.

I haven't asked the authors, so I could be wrong about this, but I feel like most of the time when this type of chapter is included in a story it is because the author wants to show the reader that the character's life is boring and meaningless before the plot's inciting incident. I can absolutely see why that might be considered an important detail about the character, but keep in mind if it's boring and meaningless to the character, it's boring and meaningless to your audience.

You know how I said earlier that writing tips should never be hard and fast rules? Well this is in regards to that Show Don't Tell rule, and it's an example of TOO MUCH showing lol

It is possible to do a daily grind in an interesting way, but only if you include a Shake Up right away. And you have to look at the 3 questions a little bit differently.

So for example:

Castiel POV, and he works in an office. His daily routine is to always get up at the same time every day, he goes for his run, he grooms himself, he has his breakfast, he goes to work and talks to Kelly about how Jack's doing in kindergarten for a few minutes before going into his office. Adler comes in to be a prick, Castiel hates him for it, and then he does his reports, has lunch hiding in a corner of the lunch room so that his co-workers will leave him alone, he does more reporting, leaves an hour after his shift technically ends, goes home to a lonely apartment that maybe includes a pet who is the only being that shows him affection, has an unsatisfying dinner of leftover takeout while watching a mindless reality tv show, then he goes to bed.

Ugh.

BORING.

Which, yeah I get it, the point is that his life is boring. But now the story is too, and I've clicked the back button before I can see how exciting it's capable of getting.

Question 1, does your character need to know this?: No. He knows. Poor thing definitely already knows.

Question 2, does your audience need to know this?: Yes, but...

Question 3, does the character/audience need to know this NOW?: Yes, but new question for ya:

Optional Question 4, why does this need to be separate from your plot's inciting incident? The answer to this 4th question is usually that it doesn't.

Chapter 2 of this type of beginning usually shows the shake up of Castiel's day. My advice is to start with the shakeup, and sprinkle in the details of what you would have put into chapter 1 to show the contrast. It's far more interesting to learn how boring Castiel's day is by starting with the shake up.

So, same scenario:

Castiel's alarm doesn't go off for some reason, OH NO HIS ROUTINE IS SHAKEN UP! You're explaining his routine while also stressing him the fuck out because he has to rush, or skip something that he normally needs to do. Action! Interesting! He gets to work late, and has to miss his conversation with Kelly about Jack because she's telling him that Adler's already in his office being a prick because Castiel isn't there waiting for him like he always is. Oh shit, he's pissing off his asshole boss! Conflict! He's so flustered by the shakeups that he misses something on his report, and he gets a call from that new marketing guy Dean Winchester who asks if they can have a meeting about it when Castiel normally takes his lunch. BAM! MEET CUTE OPPORTUNITY! While Castiel is getting all flustered by how pretty Dean is while they talk about TPS reports, he can reflect on how this is both better and worse than hiding from his co-workers in the corner of the lunch room. The rest of the day after that meeting he's thinking about how weird this day is, he still goes home an hour late, he talks to his pet about his weird day when he gets home, and maybe he still eats leftover takeout, but he's not paying attention to the reality tv show because holy shit he wants to count Dean's freckles.

In this example, you're Telling the audience about Castiel's normal routine instead of Showing them. But since it's during a plot heavy chapter, it works!

Lemme see if I can TL:DR this...

As you're reading, ask yourself who needs to know this information, why do they need to know this information, and why is it important for this information to be included early instead of later?

If the answer to any of those questions boils down to "this is backstory" instead of "this kicks off the plot", then you've started too early.

I hope this helps? I'm always nervous about giving writing advice because so much of the time I have no idea what I'm doing, and I'm just feeling around in the dark. And I definitely do not ever want to hurt an author's feelings, because this hobby is so fucking hard, and we're all fragile. Even authors who welcome con-crit with open arms will have a weak point that they're unaware of that might get poked wrong and cause a crack, ya know?

I hope anyone who gets this far who might see their own works reflected in my examples understands that I have a lot of respect for their ability to put their work out into the world, and I want them to keep doing it. We're here to have fun, okay? Okay. I love y'all 💜