#in other words i'm thinking way too much about shay

[pixiesholloworld]

✭୨୧˚LIKE SHAY SHAY!˚୨୧✭

synopsis⟿ after a heated argument with your boyfriend sukuna, he tries to smooth things out by treating you to something special…

not proofread and kinda shitty

sukuna was really passionate about being with you.. like over the top passionate he fell for you almost instantly when he saw you for the first time at the grocery store, his eyes tracing your curves taking note on how they hugged up on your tube top and tiny little shorts. He tried to play it cool, not saying too much of anything, you thought he was kind of corny because of it but it was cute. so of course when you gave this mysterious beefcake a chance he wouldn't spare a single second not doting after you.

you heard the way he talked to others- how he spoke to them like they were below him, you knew how he pushed his way to the top of his job, selling drugs, guns, and many many other "services". he knew how to get his way with others whether it was by force or reason, more importantly how he wasn't ever up for being the bigger person— all that matters to him is being able to prove a point. sukuna wasn't one for high roads when it came to other people.. but you?

oh you had him whipped, its honestly a shock to anyone how a crybaby like you ended up with such a brute man. though anytime he did happen to upset you he immediately apologizes in his own aggressive yet gentle way, willing to go above and beyond just to get in your good graces again. its so out of character for him to care about a person this much, so much so that his friends are convinced you did some type of voodoo on him, forcing him to act right or else. so when you left to work in the midst of a heated argument you weren't surprised to see that he had — yet again — sent a bouquet of your favorite flowers with a note:

"take off and i’ll make it up to you doll

i pinky promise"

you scoff at his appealing message, moving the flowers to the backroom of your job. who does he think he is? sending you flowers when you're clearly upset with him, does ignoring his first 50 calls mean nothing? with his perfect handwriting and perfect attention to detail. i guess dating a jailbird had its perks..

"trouble in paradise again?" your coworker snickers.

you roll your eyes and stuff the note in your pocket, you had another 7 hours here and you weren't going to let sukuna seduce you out of a well earned paycheck.. even IF he would've paid you double the amount to go home to him. but if sukuna had to admit it that same level of pettiness is exactly why he's with a woman like you

—

later that night you drove home, exhausted, hungry and still angry, you turn the keys to your apartment to see sukuna pulling pizza out the oven, its almost as if he read your mind. you drag yourself over to your shared room plopping on the bed, trying to relax and push your angry thoughts down but it all washes away when a familiar warmth creeps upon your back "hey sweet lady" his husky voice cutting though the tension and shooting right through your heart. you hated being mad at him but you couldn't help it how could he forget about the ONE thing that upsets you the most?! you pull away from his touch curling up into a ball

"awh don't be like that doll"

"you yelled at me.." you mumble through a choked up throat. he curls up against you, his thumb circling your temple. You loved how warm he felt on your back and it was nice that he remembers your love language even if you are being a bit unreasonable. anytime sukuna raises his voice just a smidge you get all teary eyed "so that's what this is all about?" he hums, pulling you closer to him by your waist, "i'm sorry sweetie-"

you cut him off, just wanting to say what you didn't have the words to say earlier, "i just don't understand why you have to work so late," you pull his large hand off of your head and hold it in front of your face, tracing along the lines and calloses that scar his skin, "i just miss you s'all" he heard you loud and clear, "hey," he gently called, grabbing your face and turning it towards him so you can look him in the eyes while he says this, "i don't really like workin' that late either but money doesn't make itself". He pushes the strands of braids out our face so he can get a good look at you, grabbing your chin and rubbing his thumb against it, "i miss you when i'm gone too baby but we can make the most of our time right now"

you let out a relaxed sigh feeling a sense of relief now that you both know what you were trying to say, you look him in his crimson eyes and crack a soft smile. "so.. are we friends again?" he playfully asks, you shake your head yes and pull him in for a kiss. he returns the favor 10 fold of course. locking you in his arms as he peppers kisses in the crook of your neck and on your face until suddenly your eyes lock and for what feels like an eternity, the world stops. without a second thought the two of you started taking your clothes off exchanging kisses in between rushed breaths.

this wasn’t a normal thing for you two, you were never one to initiate makeup sex you’d rather cuddle and watch a movie. though sukuna admittedly has been dreaming of this moment, where he finally gets to show you how sorry he really is. he doesn’t spare a moment yanking your work clothes off of you, crashing his lips into yours he steals the taste he craved right out of your mouth. your lust filled whimpers were oh so sweet to him, you were practically begging him for more and he was gonna give you every. single. inch.

he pulls his mouth from yours watching how your your pleading eyes gloss over, you move a hand up to the nape of his neck before pulling his ear close to your mouth

"let me ride it"

though you were known as a crybaby to everyone sukuna knew the dirty girl that hid deep inside you, it was a side of you that only he could access and he loved every bit of that. due to this fact a wide smile creeps up on his face when you double down, "you heard me?"

"you didn't have to say nuthin' but a word princess"

he rolls over on his back pulling you right over him, your leaking entrance hanging right over his angry, pink tip begging to let it explore your insides. your eyes trail from sukuna's happy trail all the way up to his hungry eyes, he's not one to rush but you can tell he's growing impatient as his thumbs massage the sides of your plush hips

"enjoying the view?"

you suck your teeth and steady his head over your slit slowwwly pushing down until every inch of him fits snugly into your wet crevasse, you wince at the sudden stretching it's not something you're sure you'll ever get use to. you start slowly at first dragging yourself ever so slowly trying to get him all worked up, you can tell its working because of how intense his stare is.

his hands worked over to your tits squeezing and cupping them ever so gingerly,, he was trying to be patient,, his breath hitches a bit as you press your small hands on his chest. "been thinking of that pussy all day" he admits, one of his hands move under your ass squeezing the fat and lightly spanking it demanding a yelp out of you, "you get my gift?"

"mmhm~" you answer, picking up your pace just a bit more, he smiles at this and sneakily moves his other hand under your ass, spanking it again just so he can hear you yelp

"you like it?" he asks, eyes switching between watching your pussy swallow him whole and your cute little face. if your blush could be seen you're sure you'd look as red as a tomato by now, seeing him look at you so intently like this made you feel so dizzy. you move your head down to his ear once more

"i loved it"

unbeknownst to you this would be the final straw to push sukuna over the edge, he loves to be praised and he was gonna show you exactly what your words do to him. using the hands underneath your ass he tilts you towards his chest and immediately starts drilling into you, you can feel yourself clutching around his girth, deep groans escape his mouth as he fucks tiny whimpers and slutty squelches out of yours

you can feel sukuna's body temperature raise almost the instant your breasts are pressed against him, he thrusts faster, the sound of your bodies along with your desperate cries filled his ears, pap, pap, pap! he grew harder at the the thought that you could be heard in the surrounding rooms of your apartment though his main motivation was how loud he could make you scream his name. oh how he loved to make you scream, he’d feel you clawing at him as your broken up mewls fueled his boner it was almost like a reward and he knew exactly how to get more of what he was chasing after

he quickly pops his dick out and flips you on your back, "there's my pretty girl," he coos, "need to see that cock drunk face before i finish" he slams his lips into yours once more slipping his dick inside in the process. he places a hand on your stomach feeling how your soft pretty skin heats up to his touch he places another behind your head and starts up again. deep, drawn out thrusts just how his lady likes it, he felt how your gummy walls squeezed at the sudden change in tempo, making his stomach tense up and drill into you even deeper

"fuuckk, keep goin' woman," he buries his head into the crook of your neck, his thrusts becoming quicker and sloppier the more you called out his name, he looked down to see the concupiscent amounts of cream on his cock— so lewd, the sight of it made a muted whimper escape his lips. he was gonna blow soon and you could tell, "you feel so good mama" he breathes out, his voice so low yet wispy, it sent electric bolts straight to your clit. he doesn’t let up though, thrusting deeper as if he was trying to break through your cervix "'k-kuna~, 'kuna~" you manage to gasp out, you lock him in your gasp with your legs, "don't stop- god please don't stop!~" you felt breathless yet hot, your soft hands felt around his hardened body looking for something, anything to keep you grounded

"m'here baby, shit- m'gonna cum" he groans, lifting himself up to stare in your eyes before you both come to your inevitable finish. a hand reaches up to his face and another on his heartbeat, you felt how hard it was thumping, how hard his body was working in this moment. you could feel him working himself through your pussy until he hits that one spot, causing your mouth to drop right open. you start tearing up you and let out a loud scream, squirt uncontrollably splashes all over his pelvis making him give a loud, guttural groan

“i-i love you ‘kuna— fuuckk!~ iloveyou!” these were the last intelligible words spoken by you before the rest turned into a slurry mess, you babbled on and on repeating iterations of ‘i love you’. normally sukuna would stop and tease you for it but he was already about to blow

the best he can do is he let you ride out your orgasm, he moved his thumb down to your clit and started rubbing sensual circles over it, "give it all t'me" he commands still rolling his hips into your tight, swollen cunt. he watches as your facial expressions change. he loved how you’d squeeze your eyes so tightly and leave your mouth open nice and wide, "that's it,” he purrs “what a sweet girl", he bends down to kiss your forehead feeling how your body shakes beneath him, “you love me?”

“yes! yes!~”

“you’re not just sayin that ‘cause i fuck you good?”

“i love you ‘kuna” you breathe out between sobs, he wipes the tears from your eyes and shushes you, planting kisses on your face which to his surprise makes your pussy sieze up squirt a little again.

as he tries to drag himself out he finds that he can’t, he places his hands on the side of your head, feeling his legs begin to shake, he lets out a low, desperate grunt throwing his head back while thrusting until he fills you up to the brim with hot, thick spurts of cum. he watches how it combines with your juices, letting the feeling totally control him until finally his muscles relax and his body gives out

“i love you too woman” he breathes out

your legs fully give out at this point, tired from the sudden boost of serotonin, taking note of this he pulls out and lays next to you holding your hand and kissing on it

you both lie there speechless for a moment before he breaks the silence

“you like cold pizza?”

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 46

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words : 7k

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Friday, February 5th; 1:50 PM - Manchester Airport.

It's hard to describe the feeling I have about what I'm experiencing right now. Not too long ago, this was a situation I couldn't have imagined. I lead the way ahead of my two instructors as we board the plane that will take off for Barcelona.

“Damn, Barcelona, really!” comments Ingrid. “How can you even think for a second about leaving that incredible city to live here?”

I raise an eyebrow, surprised that she knows something like that about me. Well, to be honest, it's not a secret anymore, but I had never talked about it directly with Ingrid.

“A place isn't everything,” I shrug.

I smile when I see Shay welcoming passengers in the distance. When she sees me, she seems to recognize me because she smiles back. We’re almost at her station now.

“Hello, Ona. I was starting to think you weren’t coming.”

“It almost didn’t happen,” I half-joked.

“What happened to you?”

I tend to forget the state of my face, but thanks to people’s comments, I’m reminded of it. According to Lucy, everything is healing well, though it will still take some time before it all disappears. At least my aches and pains are less severe, which is already a good thing.

“Oh, um…”

I stop when I feel a familiar warmth settle on the small of my back. I turn around to find Lucy.

“We're blocking the way, baby.”

I blush, still not quite used to this kind of comment in public. Shay smiles at me, not helping to ease my embarrassment.

“She’s right,” she says. “I’ll come to see you at your seat later, hoping you don’t fall asleep first.”

I nod, smiling timidly. It seems like she’s remembered my habits, even with all the passengers she sees every day.

“Have a good flight.”

“Thanks.”

I reach for Lucy’s hand to hold it as we make our way to our numbered seats. I sigh when we’re finally settled after all that waiting. I find myself in the middle because I let Ingrid have the window seat, which she seemed to appreciate. I get the impression she hasn’t flown much in her life.

“Who was that?” she asks me.

“Who? The flight attendant?”

“Yeah. You seem to know each other well.”

“Don’t play the jealous card, Lex,” Ingrid teases.

“I’m not jealous,” she retorts. “It was just a question.”

Since she found out about us, Ingrid hasn’t stopped teasing Lucy. If I understood correctly, she has been teasing her since we first met. It seems like I’ve been tormenting Lucy for much longer than I thought. Now, Ingrid brags about being right and that it was about time she opened her eyes. I gently take Lucy’s hand. My gestures are still very timid, but she does everything to make me comfortable. Not only is this the first time I’ve accepted being seen in public as a couple, but it’s also so strange. This is Lucy we’re talking about—the woman who caught my eye on day one and whom I thought was unattainable. If you’d told me a few months ago that we’d be where we are now, I never would have believed it. Plus, since Feli, I’ve had a big problem with commitment, and since Lucy is my first relationship since her, she’s bearing the brunt of it. I’m lucky that she’s very understanding. She lets me go at my own pace. I’m almost glad we’re still in school because we can’t behave like a couple there. It will give me time to get used to our new relationship. The only problem is that now it’s the weekend, which means we’ll be far from school. I’m a bit anxious about how it will go. Lucy looks at me curiously, reminding me of her earlier question, which makes me smile suddenly.

“Her name’s Shay,” I finally reply. “We became friends the day I came back to Manchester in a bad state. She took care of me and gave me a sleeping pill to help me rest.”

“Oh,” she relaxes, starting to play with my fingers. “I hope you thanked her.”

“Of course,” I giggle.

Lucy has become completely different since we made our relationship official. She’s much more expressive now, and I have to say I appreciate it. I finally know what she’s thinking, especially when it comes to jealousy. Although she doesn’t express it physically, she asks a lot more questions than before. That was the case this morning during our study session when she brought up the topic of Alessia. She noticed that we’ve gotten closer and used our study time as an excuse to find out what we do during those moments and also to gauge how much I like her. I could tell our relationship bothered her, but she didn’t comment on it. I kiss her on the cheek at this thought before letting go of her hand. She slightly frowns at this gesture. We’re about to take off, so I want to prepare for the flight before being limited by the seatbelt later. I take out a pair of earphones and offer them to Lucy, but she doesn’t take them. I sit up to see what she’s doing and realize she’s captivated by Shay, who’s still standing by the doors. She’s quite pretty now that I look at her again. I narrow my eyes and wave my hand in front of Lucy.

“Sorry, were you saying something?”

“No,” I giggle. “I just wanted you to take the earphones.”

“Oh,” she says, taking them.

“Shall we watch a movie?” I suggest. “I’ll fall asleep if we don’t do anything.”

“We can. Unless you’d rather sleep,” she teases.

“Oh no, don’t worry. I can change my habits for you.”

“That’s sweet,” she smiles.

She leans in to peck my lips. This simple, spontaneous gesture fills my stomach with butterflies. Maybe this weekend will be good for us after all. Her role as a responsible person will finally be out of the picture, and we’ll be able to enjoy ourselves. I was starting to stagnate with all the studying she’s made me do since last night. It was far from fun, but I can’t blame her. She wants me to be ready for my upcoming tests before we leave, and I am now. Thanks to her and the tons of exercises she prepared for me, I’m now unshakeable on my management lessons. It was excessive, but at least I’m free for the weekend. I reach into my bag to pull out my laptop. It gets stuck, prompting me to lean over to unjam it.

“Nice butt, Batlle,” comments Ingrid.

I was about to reply, but a throat clearing interrupts me. I notice Shay when I glance over at Lucy. She’s looking at me with amusement.

“Sorry to interrupt, but you need to buckle up. We’re about to take off.”

I notice the seatbelt sign flashing above my head. It seems like she always has to remind me.

“Oops. I’ll do it right now.”

I grab the seatbelt and fasten it right away… Well, actually, Lucy does it for me when she sees how I was struggling. A small click assures me it’s properly secured. I double-check to make sure the light isn’t flashing anymore, and it’s not.

“Still as talented as ever.”

“Well, you have to be good for something.”

“Hey!”

“You know I’m joking,” I giggle before turning back to Shay. “We didn’t get to chat earlier. How are you, Shay? We can speak casually, right? We seem to be about the same age.”

“Yes, I think we can,” she smiles. “Unfortunately, I can’t stay long. I have to finish my round and then head back to my station. My supervisor would come down on me otherwise.”

“Oh, well, I won’t keep you any longer then.”

"Thank you. Have a good flight," she says as she continues on her way. "Oh, and lots of happiness to you both."

I don't have time to thank her before she's already off to check on the other passengers. Lucy's hand gently slides onto my thigh.

"She's nice," she comments.

"Did you see? She's cool, right?"

"Mmhmm."

I finally manage to get my laptop out of my bag. Lucy removes her hand so I can place it on my lap.

"Do you want to watch with us, Ingrid?" I offer.

"No, I think I'll take a nap instead. But thanks for asking."

"Too bad for you."

The intercom finally announces our takeoff. I plug in my hard drive while my laptop boots up. Meanwhile, Ingrid disconnects from the world with her headphones and the view outside. The plane begins to tremble slightly, a sign that we’re finally taking off. I glance at Lucy, who suddenly seems tense.

"Are you afraid of flying?"

"A little," she admits.

I smile as I notice her grip tighten on the armrest. I didn't know about this fear. I didn't even think she could be afraid of anything. I gently take her hand so she can hold mine instead.

"Hey, look at me."

"Sorry... It's just the takeoff that always gets to me."

Goodness, she's adorable when she blushes. For once, it's not me. I reach for her neck to kiss her. My gesture seems to have its effect, as her muscles relax, and her grip on my hand loosens slightly.

"Don't apologize. It's okay to have fears. You should have just told me."

"I should have, yes. I'm sorry."

She rests her head on my shoulder, gently rubbing her nose against my neck. It's rare for me to be the pillow, but I love this role too. I hand Lucy an earbud after plugging it in. The plane has gone quiet, which will allow us to enjoy the movies in peace. I'm not sure I'll make it through the whole film, but I don't dare move now that Lucy seems to have found her comfortable spot against me.

"We can continue Harry Potter if you want," she suggests as I scroll through my movies.

"Really?"

"Of course. You wanted to see them anyway."

"Cool. Thanks."

I quickly find where we left off last time and start it in full-screen mode.

"Can you sit up for a moment, please?"

"Are you kicking me out?"

"Of course not," I chuckle. "I just want to get comfortable."

She sits up with a groan, giving me the chance to settle into my seat. A sigh of relief escapes her lips when she finds her position against me again. I finally relax too. Just a few more hours and we'll be home.

Friday, February 5th; 11:05 PM - Barcelona Airport.

Getting off the plane is always difficult. Even more so today because of the position we were in with Lucy. Unsurprisingly, we fell asleep along the way. My limbs are seriously stiff now. I can't be the only one, given how Lucy stretches. We wave goodbye to Shay, with whom I managed to have a brief conversation before landing, and then we head down the hallway leading to the airport. Lucy takes the initiative to hold my hand. Unlike us, still struggling to wake up, Ingrid is full of energy and makes it known with her good mood.

"Who's picking us up again?" she asks me.

"Hector, my driver."

"Driver, as in personal driver?"

"Uh... Yeah, you could say that."

"Seriously?" she laughs.

"Hey! Don’t make fun. Hector's super cool, too!"

"You really do get chauffeured everywhere by everyone."

She's not wrong, even if she's joking. Buying a car will be one of my priorities once I leave school. I'll become much more independent. There are advantages to being driven, especially for nights out, but otherwise, it's much better to get around on your own. Speaking of Hector, I smile as we reach the end of the hallway and spot him in the distance.

"Is that him?" Lucy asks, looking around.

"Yeah. Come on!" I say, pulling Lucy along with me.

"Take it easy, we have time now," grumbles Ingrid, struggling to keep up.

My impatience makes me walk quickly. I'm eager to see everyone again. Sam immediately texted me when he heard I was coming back, thanks to my mom. He was so excited that he took charge of organizing everything with Sophia. He didn't seem to know I was bringing company. At least, he didn’t mention it. He'll probably tease me when he finds out about Lucy and me. I've told him countless times that I wasn't ready for a relationship, especially not in Manchester. And now I've done the complete opposite. As we reach Hector, I let go of Lucy's hand to hug him. My embrace seems to surprise him, and it’s no wonder. We're both far from being touchy people, but he responds without question. I've missed them all so much. After all, I haven't seen anyone since Christmas.

"Hey. It's good to see you again. Let me introduce you to Lucy and Ingrid, friends of mine," I say, introducing them.

"Friends, huh," he smiles knowingly, making me blush. "Hello, ladies. It's nice to meet you."

Lucy isn't one to hide, so I tend to forget myself around her. She chuckles and takes my hand again, likely confirming my chauffeur's suspicions.

"Hello. Thank you for picking us up," she says.

"No problem. It's my job, after all," he smiles.

"Did Mom spill the beans?" I ask.

"And then some," he laughs. "Samuel had to push a bit when he found out you were bringing company, but she told him everything."

I'm surprised. Not that Sam insisted, but that my mom talked about it. What's even weirder is that Sam didn't mention anything this morning when we spoke on the phone, even though he knew. I have a feeling I'm in for some teasing later.

"I see..."

"I've never flown before, but shouldn't we grab our bags?" Ingrid interrupts.

I laugh and nod. I was right again. She seemed too amazed for someone who's flown before. Her comment gets us moving toward the baggage carousel. Once we've collected our belongings, we head outside to meet Hector's service car. I sit in the front since neither of the girls wanted the seat. The ride is peaceful. Hector, usually so quiet, surprises me by chatting with my instructors to get to know them. Thanks to that, the trip feels shorter. Upon arrival, I chuckle at Ingrid's exaggerated comments about the sight of my house. Well, it is true that it's luxurious and very impressive from the outside. She won't be disappointed with the interior... Hector drives the car into the property after the gate and garage doors open via the remote controls.

"What kind of world do you actually live in?"

"A miserable one," I murmur.

"I doubt that, given where we are," she retorts.

"Believe me, if there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that money isn't everything."

If I had the choice back then, I would have much preferred to live with my dad. He earned less money since my mom is a renowned surgeon and her boyfriend has a good position in the Police, but at least I would have had his love. His death left me feeling empty, which led to my downward spiral. It's not something I would have experienced with my mom. Besides receiving regular transfers, our relationship is unbearable. To think that she even blocked my access when I left home. At least now I manage it again. To be honest, I've never really taken advantage of it. The only times I've used it were for my outings, and now I also use it for my plane tickets. Everything else, I've saved, and I'm glad I did. I've always wanted to leave home early, and I'm closer than ever to that goal given the future that awaits me. We finally get out of the car, and Hector helps us with our bags. We thank him and wish him goodnight before heading inside my house. I tell the girls to be quiet since I'm not sure if Joan is already asleep. I lead the way into my entrance hall, gently rolling my suitcase on the floor. I quickly press the light switch to prevent the girls from bumping into any furniture in the dark.

- Ona!  

I barely have time to turn towards the living room doorway before a little bundle literally jumps into my arms. Looks like we didn’t need to be discreet after all. I hoist him onto my hip, letting him cuddle me as much as he wants.

- Hey, what are you still doing up? I thought you’d be in bed.  

- You should know him by now. He was determined to wait up for you.

My smile widens as I see Sophia standing beside her. I kiss Joan on the head, then move towards Sophia to hug her, ignoring my brother’s complaints between us.

- I missed you guys.  

- We missed you too. And who are these lovely girls with you?  

- This is Lucy and Ingrid. They’re spending the weekend with us.

- Nice to meet you both. It’s great to finally put faces to your names.  

- Are you going to say hi? I whispered to Joan, who was curiously watching them.

He blushed and shook his head, then buried herself into my neck. I rolled my eyes playfully as I moved closer to the girls, which made Joan press even more against me. He’s always been shy around new people, but it seems even worse now.

- Oh come on, Joan. They’re really nice.  

He shook his head again, making Lucy laugh, which in turn brought a smile to my face. I love hearing that sound and seeing her dimples.

- Leave him be. He’ll say hi when he’s more comfortable.  

- I didn’t know you were good with kids.  

- My brother is a special case, I replied to Ingrid, kissing the top of Joan’s head.

I turned to Sophia, who had a blissful smile on her face. It was surprising to see her still here. Normally, she goes home on weekends since my mom and Marcus are either around or take turns. I’m glad we came just for this. I would’ve been annoyed if she had to stay just for us.

- When did my mom and Marcus leave?  

- This afternoon.  

- Oh, you could’ve left and let Hector take care of Joan. He could’ve taken him to the airport.  

- I didn’t want to bother him, and besides, it gave me a chance to see you too.  

- You’re so sweet. How are you?  

- I’m good. And how about you? I’ve never seen your mom so happy since she came back from Manchester. She hasn’t stopped talking about the great day she spent with you... I have to admit, I was a bit surprised, she smiled.  

- Oh, um... Yeah, I replied awkwardly, running a hand through my hair. It was nice. Thanks to Lucy, I said, pointing to her.

- So she’s the lucky one? Your mom couldn’t stop talking about her either, she teased. You were so nervous about coming out.  

- Who’s Lucy? Joan finally popped her head out of my neck.

- That’s her, I said, pointing to Lucy again.  

- Is she your girlfriend? Mom talked about her.

Wow, Lucy must’ve really made an impression if my mom mentioned her so much. I chuckled and nodded. Joan looked at Lucy more intently, tightening her grip around my neck. He seemed a little intimidated.

- You’re still going to sleep with me tonight, right? I don’t want you to leave.  

- I’m not going anywhere. As for sleeping together, we’ll see, I said, glancing briefly at Lucy.

I didn’t want to agree without checking with Lucy first. We’re a couple now, and I’m not sure she’d appreciate me imposing my little brother in our bed.

- Of course she’ll sleep with you, Lucy answered my brother. But only if you share her with me a little too!  

Joan relaxed in my arms. He looked at Lucy for a moment, as if judging her, before nodding with a small smile. Lucy must have that special something that makes everyone like her. At least she’s already managed to win over my brother.

- Hey everyone!  

The front door slammed shut as Mapi burst into the room. Sometimes I wonder if this is really my house or hers. My mom had the idea of giving her a key so she could come by whenever she wanted. Now that I think about it, maybe she did that because she knew we were together for a long time back then.

- I know I’m a little late, but I really wanted to finish my project so I could relax this weekend.

She came over to greet us one by one with a kiss on each cheek. She lingered a bit longer with Ingrid, then surprisingly hugged Lucy before moving on to Sophia and finally Joan and me. She hugged me tightly, a gesture we both understood. We missed each other, especially after these last few emotional weeks. She pulled back with a smile.

- I’m glad to see you doing well. A bit battered, but still in good shape, she teased. And you, my little terror! Not even a hello for me? she said to my little brother.

Joan gave her a kiss, but my best friend pretended not to be convinced. She took him from my arms to give him some tickles. Joan burst out laughing, squirming against her, just as ticklish as I am, if not more. I took advantage of their moment to return to Lucy. She welcomed me by placing her hand on my hip to pull me closer.

- Nice house, she murmured. I’m looking forward to seeing your world.  

- We’ll go up soon. But if you want to know the truth, I prefer your apartment, I admitted.

It’s much cozier than this big house. I immediately felt at home the first time she took me there. Maybe she’s my "home." At that thought, I wrapped my arms around her and rested my head on her shoulder, prompting her to wrap her arm around mine.

- You look exhausted.  

- I am.  

- That’s hardly possible. You slept one hours on the plane, little sleepyhead.  

- You did too, remember?  

- I never said I was tired.

I buried my head in her neck, savoring this simple moment. Maybe I’ll actually be able to relax this weekend. I’m starting to think I can.

- Can we go to bed now? I suggested.  

- Great idea, Mapi replied. The little rascal should already be in bed anyway, it’s getting late.  

- I’m not a rascal, Joan grumbled.

Mortified, my little brother hid in Mapi as we all laughed. The sight warmed my heart. Joan is so shy that he rarely gets close to adults, but my best friend is one of the few exceptions. He tends to interact with her the same way she does with me. I hope he’ll accept Lucy in the same way over time. Nothing would make me happier.

You’re right, he’s got sleepy eyes, I finally said.

He's far past her bedtime. Usually, he goes to bed around ten p.m. on weekends, and now it’s already past midnight.

"Are you two sharing a room?" I asked Mapi and Ingrid.

They exchanged a quick glance before Ingrid shrugged. It seems things aren't going so well between them. Lucy was right when she said there would be some tension at the beginning.

"I don't mind... Unless it bothers you?" Mapi asked timidly.

"No. We can sleep together."

"Cool. Can I take any room, Onita?"

"Yes, of course."

"Great, see you in a bit then. Should I put Joan in your room?"

I looked at her, now dozing off in Mapi's arms. It seems the wait wore her out.

"Yes, you can."

We wished them goodnight as the girls disappeared up the stairs. I finally turned to Sophia.

"Thanks for staying to watch her. You should head home now. They must be waiting for you."

"You know everyone must be asleep by now. How are you doing? I didn't want to bring it up in front of Joan, but you're pretty banged up."

"I’ve been through worse," I shrugged. "And I had a good nurse, so I’m okay," I replied, leaning closer to Lucy.

"I see," she smiled. "I’m happy for you... for both of you, actually."

"Thanks, Sophia... Thanks for everything."

"It’s nothing. Your mom asked me to stay available this weekend, so don’t hesitate to call if you need anything," she said.

I nodded, thanking her. I don't like making her come back on weekends, but knowing the girls, we'll probably go out tomorrow night, so the offer is appreciated.

"Goodnight, girls."

"Goodnight," Lucy and I replied in unison.

We waited for her to leave before heading up the stairs with our suitcases. I chuckled as I heard Lucy grumbling behind me. It was far from easy, especially since I forgot to turn on the downstairs light. It must be even harder for her since she can’t see anything. I turned on the light once we reached the top and immediately went to help her. I guided her to my room, where a small lamp was already on. Joan was fast asleep in the middle of my bed. I was surprised to also find Ingrid there. I quickly understood her presence when I heard a noise coming from my closet.

"Ouch!"

"What are you looking for, Maps?" I asked, exasperated, while setting my suitcase down beside the closet.

"Ah, there you are! I can’t find Joan's pajamas," she replied.

"Maybe because they’re in his room?" I suggested.

"I told you so," Ingrid said.

"No, I’m pretty sure you always kept them here," she argued.

"And what do you think his room is for?" I rolled my eyes. "Never mind, I’ll handle it now that I’m here."

"Oh well... I’ll just grab my own pajamas then."

She dove back into my closet. My house is practically her second home, so she has plenty of clothes here. Most of them have been here since our relationship ended. She never bothered to take them back. I groaned as she dropped a pile of clothes at least three times. The girls stifled their laughter behind me. I glanced at the mess she made. She finally managed to pull out a pj set from the now-disheveled pile.

"Got it!" she announced, returning to us. "Sorry for the mess and, uh... the chaos," she grimaced, looking back. "You don’t mind cleaning it up, do you?"

"Get out before I change my mind."

"Thanks," she said nervously.

"Don’t forget your toothbrush," I teased.

"Oh yeah! I’ll be right back."

I held back a laugh as she almost ran to my bathroom. I looked at Lucy, who seemed just as amused. We were probably thinking the same thing. Mapi reappeared with her toothbrush and a tube of makeup remover.

"Well, goodnight, girls."

"Goodnight."

As soon as the door closed behind Ingrid and Mapi, we burst out laughing.

"Oh my God! I’ve never seen her like that before."

She was so stressed; it’s not like her. I wonder why. Ingrid has proven to me many times that she’s not a difficult person. She’s very kind and even supported my relationship with Lucy before it even began.

"I don’t know how Ingrid will manage to stay so calm. Mapi’s definitely going to drive her crazy."

"You think so? Poor thing."

"Yeah," she smiled. "But don’t worry, Ingrid will know how to handle her. Still, I’m a little jealous of Mapi."

"Oh yeah? Why’s that?"

"How come she has so many things in your room?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, that," I grimaced. "Well, she practically lived here when I came back, so she kind of took over my room. Let’s just say she doesn’t get along with her parents, so my house has always been her refuge. But she has an apartment now, so she could take them back."

"Relax," she laughed. "I wasn’t asking for that. It was just a question."

"Sorry," I replied, embarrassed.

"Can I take a look around?" she changed the subject.

"Of course, go ahead."

With a smile on her lips and a curious look, she began exploring my room. It’s quite large and divided into three areas. There’s my closet on the left, my bed in the middle, and a small sitting area on the right. I call it that because there’s a small sofa and a little table in front of my TV, which is mounted on the wall. The colors are neutral, with my personal touch all around. I painted the walls back in the day. My mom’s reaction was priceless the first time she saw it.

"It’s beautiful," she murmured.

"I had my teenage rebellion a bit late."

She chuckled as she approached the wall where the entrance door is. A massive forest is painted across the entire length. I’ve always loved nature. She looked up at the ceiling, where I had painted different shades of blue and purple with small white spots for the stars. My room is really like my sanctuary, my private domain. Few people have had the chance to see it.

"You did a great job. The result is stunning. You love nature?" she asked, making me nod. "Maybe we could go hiking or camping one day."

"Why not," I replied, smiling at the thought.

The bubble that had formed between us was suddenly burst by a noise at the door, followed by it opening to reveal Mapi. She looked even more stressed than before.

"Sorry to bother you again. I-I forgot the cotton pads."

"There are some in the drawers of every bathroom, Mapi," I said, raising an eyebrow.

She groans in frustration and then sighs, running a hand over her face. She really seems at her wit's end.

"Relax, Mapi."

"I’d like to see you try! You were in my shoes not too long ago, remember? Seriously, girls, I don’t know what to do. She’s so cold towards me. It feels like she hates me. What should I do?"

"Maybe it's because she does hate you," Lucy murmurs.

"But why!? I haven’t done anything wrong!"

"You're avoiding your relationship. It’s as simple as that. Ingrid doesn’t like being kept waiting. Own up to your feelings, and maybe she’ll change her behavior."

"I was just trying to do things right," Mapi sighs. "I wasn’t avoiding her… I couldn’t exactly start our relationship long-distance!"

"Really?" Lucy challenges. "I think you’re just being a coward. Do I need to remind you that Ingrid is my best friend? If you hurt her, you’ll have serious problems with me, no matter how much you supported me with Ona."

I had never seen Lucy so serious about Ingrid before. I knew they were close, but I never realized how deep their bond went.

"T-That’s the last thing I want... I’m just trying to handle this situation and do things right, I promise."

"You’re not handling anything right now. It’s easy to send sweet messages and then run away. If you want to prove that you’re ready to move forward, then own up to your words and kiss her."

I bite my lip, seeing Mapi's state. She clearly wasn’t expecting Lucy to react this way. Neither was I, honestly. It’s rare for her to swear or lose her temper. It’s almost... sexy. Mapi can only manage a nod.

"Th-Thanks. Good night."

She leaves as quickly as she came. She’s probably even more shaken up after what Lucy just said.

"Don’t you think you went a little hard on her?" I giggle.

"She just needed a push. Trust me, she needed it," she says, making me laugh.

She pulls me close when I start to move toward her, placing her hands on my cheeks. I close my eyes to enjoy the soft caress of her thumbs. She takes advantage of my slightly parted lips to kiss me tenderly. The kiss deepens quickly as her hand slides up to my neck under my hair. Her touch and the way her tongue meets mine make me feel breathless, like I’m losing my footing.

"Ona?" Joan whimpers.

I jump, accidentally biting Lucy’s tongue in the process. She groans in pain, pulling back. I bite my lip now, seeing her bring her hand to her mouth.

"Damn, Luce ! Are you okay?!"

"It hurtsh," she lisps.

Under different circumstances, I might have laughed, but right now, it’s just embarrassing. Her lisp is kind of cute, though, making me stifle a laugh.

"I’m sorry, Luce... Let me see."

This time, I can’t hold back my laughter when she actually sticks out her tongue to show me.

"Stop laughing! It'sh not funny!"

"Sorry. Please, show me again."

"No, you'll laugh again."

"Ona," Joan calls again.

"I’m coming, Joan."

"Take care of him. Can I use your bathroom?"

"Of course, you don’t have to ask. Make yourself at home. I’ll grab Joan’s pajamas from his room and be right back."

I kiss her cheek and go to get Joan’s pajamas and toothbrush. At least, that was the plan until I couldn’t find the toothbrush anywhere in the bathroom. Giving up on the search, I head back to my room. I stop at the door when I see Lucy sitting on the edge of my bed, deep in conversation with my little brother. It’s such an adorable scene that I hesitate to interrupt. But then Lucy notices me. She smiles warmly and motions for me to join them by holding out her hand. I walk over to find Joan wide awake. He was fast asleep just fifteen minutes ago. I hope he��ll fall asleep quickly again.

"Everything okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, we were just talking," Lucy answers, wrapping her arm around me.

"Cool... Hey, Joan, where’s your toothbrush?"

He timidly points to my bathroom. I really did search for it for nothing.

"Go brush your teeth."

"But—"

"No buts. Go on!"

It’s always a battle over this, but I’m glad he doesn’t put up much of a fight tonight. He trudges off to my bathroom, dragging his feet.

"He’s a lot like you," Lucy teases, laughing.

"Hey!" I say, playfully hitting her.

She laughs, pulling me between her legs. I instinctively place my hands on her shoulders to keep from falling on her.

"How’s your tongue?"

"It’s better. I brushed my teeth to ease the pain."

"I’m really sorry. That was so embarrassing," I say, blushing.

"It’s okay," she laughs. "It’s not your fault. These things happen," she says, resting her head on my chest.

She sighs, hugging me tightly. She must be as tired as I am. I smile, seeing her so peaceful against me.

"I’m glad you came back home with me..."

"Me too."

"You make me feel at ease wherever you are."

She lifts her head to smile at me tenderly.

"We’re going to do things right. I promise."

I nod eagerly. I know we will. As long as she’s by my side, I feel invincible.

"I’m looking forward to tomorrow. You’ll finally meet Samuel. I’m sure you’ll like him."

"I’m sure I will."

"Ona?" Joan interrupts us.

I reluctantly pull away from Lucy to see my little brother standing timidly in the bathroom doorway. I go to him and pick him up. Meanwhile, Lucy has gotten up to grab her things from her suitcase. I quickly change Joan so he can get under the covers. I ask him to choose a side instead of settling in the middle as he does when we sleep with Mapi. Joan listens without fuss. Since Lucy isn’t done yet, I decide to change in the room to save time, picking out a long t-shirt and shorts from my closet.

"I really like your new girlfriend," Joan tells me. "She's really nice."

"Really? I'm glad to hear that."

I sit on the bed to take off my shoes and socks, listening to my brother talk about Lucy. Apparently, they introduced themselves and had a little chat. I'm really happy that Lucy took the first step. It means a lot to me. I take off my pants and replace them with shorts, folding the pants neatly afterward. I've always made sure to keep my room tidy without my mom having to tell me. I finish by taking off my top, and of course, that's when Lucy comes out of the bathroom. She pauses for a moment, finding me in my bra. I quickly cover myself with my pajama top, which makes her smile.

"I've seen you in worse situations than this, you know."

"That was different," I mumble. "I'm going to brush my teeth, I'll be right back."

"Aren't you going to take a shower?"

I shiver as her fingers brush against my bare hip when I pass by her. I'm sure she did it on purpose. I clutch my t-shirt a little tighter in front of me.

"Tomorrow morning… I'm too tired now," I manage to say.

"Alright, hurry up then. I'll be waiting."

I leave her space and lock myself in the bathroom, taking a deep breath. If she wanted to kill me, she almost succeeded. I quickly change, remove my makeup, and brush my teeth. I fix my hair in the mirror and catch my breath. I smile at myself in the mirror to gather some courage, but I quickly lose it when I see how ridiculous I look. I suddenly understand Mapi's nervousness, even though our situations are different. I give myself a little pep talk before leaving the bathroom. The first thing I see is Joan, peacefully asleep again. Lucy is lying on the opposite side, tapping on her phone. I slip into bed between the two of them, relieved that the bed is big enough to comfortably fit all three of us. I wouldn't have allowed Joan to stay if we were cramped like sardines. I observe Lucy, who smiles at me. I barely have time to notice she was on Instagram before she closes the app and locks her phone. She sets it on the nightstand and lies down to face me. She slides her hand under the pillow to touch mine. Her smile widens softly as her other hand reaches for my face to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Is everything okay?" she murmurs.

"Why wouldn't it be…? Do you think I'm not okay?"

She laughs softly, running her hand along my back, pulling me closer.

"No. I just think you're stressed and distracted. Are you trying to compete with Mapi?"

I blush, lowering my head. She kisses my forehead. Why am I feeling this way? It's just Lucy in front of me, the one who knows everything about me and who helped me open up to the world again in just four months.

"I'm sorry…"

"Was it my gesture that bothered you?"

She moves her hand to my hip, her eyes following the movement under the blanket. I was about to speak, but she interrupts me.

"You know," she begins, "I know it's hard for you to let yourself go with me."

"That's not it," I interrupt her.

I take a deep breath before lifting my head to face her. My heart aches when I see the look on her face. It can't be easy for her to be in a relationship with someone like me.

"I'm sorry you're bearing the brunt of my psycho ex. You're not the problem; you're the solution, I promise. Just give me some time to adjust to all this… It's hard to open up in a relationship, especially with you. You can read me better than anyone, and it's kind of unsettling."

She chuckles softly, continuing to stroke my hip. I force myself to stay calm to prove my point.

"Are you sure about that? That's not the impression you're giving me. Since we made our relationship official, you tense up at the slightest touch. It wasn't like that before."

"That's because our relationship has evolved, and I don't know what you expect from me. I don't really know how to explain it…" I murmur.

"Hey," she says, lifting my chin with her fingers. "I don't expect anything specific. I just want us to regain the connection we had before. The rest will come naturally, without forcing things."

I sigh in relief, nodding. Why was I so worried? Lucy is perfect with me. I should have talked to her about it right away. She always has the right words to reassure me.

"The only thing I ask is that you don't push me away," she continues. "I'm here for you, and I want to help you as best as I can."

"I would never make that mistake, Lucy… I know you're the only one I need. One day, you'll know everything… if you want to, of course."

"I do. Everything about you interests me," she says before kissing my forehead. "Don't hesitate to talk to me if you ever feel like it."

Once again, I nod as I snuggle closer to her. Her arms automatically tighten around me. They make me feel like I have a shield protecting me from everything around us. Some time passes before she breaks the silence with a throat clearing.

"And, um… I don't know if this needs to be said, but you know I would never raise a hand against you, right?"

"Of course," I reply with a smile hidden from her eyes. "I trust you more than anyone, Luce."

She sighs heavily, letting the air brush through my hair. She kisses the top of my head again, holding me even closer.

"Good," she murmurs. "All I care about is that you find peace within yourself."

I close my eyes, seeking as much contact with her as possible. I want to feel normal again, too. My fears and nightmares are starting to weigh on me more and more, but I have no doubt that everything will be resolved in the coming months. I'm not alone anymore. A smile crosses my face when she starts exploring my hip again with a gentle touch. If I don't think about anything, I can finally enjoy it.

"I'll get there with you by my side… I promise. But… don't take this the wrong way, but I was dreading this weekend…" I admit. "I was afraid you'd expect too much from me."

A genuine laugh escapes her lips, though she softens it, given our surroundings. I almost forget about my sister, who is peacefully sleeping behind my back.

"You idiot. Did you really think I was going to jump on you or something?"

Now that she says it like that, I feel really ridiculous for having thought such a thing. She pulls away from me, forcing me to look at her. Embarrassment washes over me when I see her teasing smile.

"S-sorry," I stammer.

"Ridiculous," she gently teases me again. "We have all the time in the world for that kind of thing; you don't have to worry about it."

"You're right, sorry," I say, my cheeks still flushed. "It's just that I don't want to deprive you either."

"You're not depriving me of anything. Having you close to me is all that matters. You don't have to worry about that. I'll make you enjoy all this again, and most importantly, I'll always keep you safe."

"I already feel safe, Luce. Why do you think I slept so well when we first started sleeping together…?"

"I messed things up more than I thought… Your nightmares have come back, haven't they?"

"You didn't mess anything up. We wouldn't be here otherwise. Stop blaming yourself for something I've already forgiven you for. And yes, my nightmares have come back, but it will get better. All we need to do now is move forward."

"You're right. We'll take it slow. We've already overcome so much, so we'll manage to live as a couple, I promise you."

I nod, completely agreeing with that.

"Okay, it's time to sleep now…"

She turns for a moment to turn off the light and then pulls me back into her arms. I find my position easily, without feeling any discomfort. I close my eyes, desperately clinging to her t-shirt. This conversation has done me good. I know everything will be okay now. She doesn't realize how much I need her. I slip my leg between hers to get as close as possible.

"Can I?" she asks, slowly sliding her hand under my tank top to touch the bare skin of my back.

I smile and nod. I enjoy her touch. She's probably the only person I allow to do so much, even if she doesn't realize it yet. I've been waiting so long for this moment when she'd finally lower her barriers too, and it's finally happening. Her warm hand returns to caress my spine with the tips of her fingers. I lift my head to try and find her lips in the dark.

"Goodnight, my love," she murmurs against my lips.

That nickname makes my stomach flutter. It throws me off so much that all I can manage is a mumbled goodnight into her chest before falling asleep peacefully.

[taus-inc]

My thoughts and feelings on Uglies the movie

I'm starting to think I understand a bit of how people who read Percy Jackson before watching the movies feel. Uglies was... a movie. I have thoughts that I wanna share with a condensed version of my rant with the notes I took at the very bottom. I know in the end it's just a movie but at the moment it's important to me. Obviously SPOILERS for Uglies, the book (mainly the first one) and the movie.

I want to start with the things I liked since that's a much shorter list.

i LOOVEE the casting for Dr. Cable as Laverne Cox, Keith Powers as David, Brianne Tju as Shay. I also like the casting for David's parents, Croy, Sussy, Dex and An.

Not all the design elements hit for me but the look and sound of the hover cars and boards i really liked. As well as how the interface rings looked and worked, kinda showing how easy it was for things to be "hacked". The look of the operation tank wasn't something I thought too hard about but I like how they brought it to life. And "THE SMOKE LIVES" was beautifully done. While reading the books I imagined something more childish given the sparklers but the movie did them wonderfully.

And something small and rather insignificant, Tally telling Shay that Peris was the one who gave her the necklace makes a little more sense than some random person giving it to her and her caring enough to wear it all the way to the Smoke.

Now... on to the nitty gritty of the things I didn't like as much. Some are kinda nitpicky so take my word with a grain of salt as these are all just my personal opinions. I took notes as I watched so they will kind of be in chronological order.

First is the casting of Tally and Peris. I knew when I saw the trailers I wouldn't like Joey King as Tally Youngblood, I don't think she's that bad of an actress, she just doesn't fit my vision of Tally. I like alternatives of someone like HAVANA ROSE LIU !!!, Sophia Lillis, Emma Myers, Paris Berelc, Chandler Kinney, Inde Navarrette, Talia Ryder, Quintessa Swindell. Basically, anyone other than Joey King. Someone I could see being book 1 Tally but also becoming who she was in later books. And for Peris maybe someone like Archie Renaux, Archie Madekwe, Nico Hiraga, Brodie Townsend, Connor Sherry, maybe a Finn Little or even a Charlie Plummer. Clearly, I don't have a set look for these characters just vibes.

I don't like that Dr. Cable is a public figurehead. Most of the things she does and are capable of are because she's more secretive. She's a manipulator who works behind the scenes. I could've appreciated it if they had done more with it and made it a purposeful change but like many other things I don't see the point in it.

Tally's relationships with anyone are honestly one of the most disappointing things done and my #1 gripe with this movie. It just does not make me care at all. We're missing so many vital scenes that I'm sure they couldn't fit all of them in but because of what they cut out I couldn't buy into them as people. Everything just felt so temporary and non concrete. I know it was probably to save money from actors ( f you btw netflix) but I'm sad the only other scene with Tally's parents, them convincing her to give up Shay and the Smoke, was missing. Her and Peris' relationship falls very one note and her and Shay's just falls flat. No real friendship between the two, bonding over feeling lonely and (at least to Tally) beginning their next step to prettiness together. Shay's constant reassurance that she doesn't think Tally is ugly and how she feels about keeping her original face because she doesn't think of herself as ugly either. Shay's anger is completely missing for me when in the book it was a very big thing considering how much Tally's betrayal cost her. The same anger thing with Maddy happened too but more on that later. Even with Dr. Cable manipulating her I think it was so poorly done. She just straight up lied to her about what was going on in the Smoke instead of using everything Tally had wanted for the last 16 years against her.

Next is what I think to be one another major failing on the movie that I have to force myself to understand that they simply didn't have time for but.. Cutting basically all of Tally's journey to the Smoke really hurt me because I feel like throughout all the books Tally's relationship and outlook on the wild is some of the most important because it shows a lot about who she is as a person when she really has to be alone with herself in such dangerous conditions and situations. The wild is always the start of her radicalization and her free thinking. It helps her be more open about the Smoke and it honestly informs a lot of her decisions later down the line. Her puzzling through Shay's note and learning to survive (with the help of some city things) were very detrimental and sad almost none of it made it into the script. And they didn't even get the note right!!

Short and to the point- replacing the rangers who helped Tally (and gave lowkey clues about what she learns later) with the Smokies.. Again, I understand time and money restraints but still Ugh!

Them making Croy immediately overly aggressive and skeptical of Tally also just takes away from his character. Even in the books we have little to go on, but I think taking away making him slowly put pieces together about Tally's stories and the math of the SpagBols simply not mathing is a small but disappointing takeaway.

The entire time in the Smoke went by wayy too fast, they never let you or Tally just sit and exist with the people living there already so again i just don't care that it was raided! We missed out on Tally discovering the people who lived there along with more of her relationship with Shay being discarded. Taking out the library, Tally discovering all of the people and faces from before through books and magazines and the man who looked over all of that. Which flattens her character more seeing as that was one of the first deaths she experiences that she feels is her fault. Tally meeting David's parents felt rushed and their conversation about the lesions just felt like it was her entire reason for suddenly not wanting to listen to Dr. Cable instead of her forming her own opinions and that being her final straw.

Something the movie loved to do was take away so many crucial parts of the story, a major thing being the raid of The Smoke. In the movie it happens so quickly even though I'm sure they could've included a majority of it. Tally's desperation in fighting for something she had inadvertently helped destroy, her and the Boss fighting to protect the last of the books and her watching him get killed because of it. Because of her. Her getting captured and gaining trust and respect from people (Croy!) who previously doubted her, but at the same time her relationship with Shay hitting the fan because she instantly knew Tally was at fault. Her being smart enough to outwit and out maneuver a Special Circumstance soldier and escape. Her hiding in the cave with David. Her coming back to see Croy had convinced people to leave their shoes because she didn't have any while hoverboarding away. All which fuels her guilt and need to protect and rebuild The Smoke seeing as she felt it her fault. In the movie she hid out in the open.. ran out screaming when Az was killed... outed what she had done in front of everyone. Then she blew up a building and Dr. Cable literally just let her go for no apparent reason. David finding out what she had done and what she caused should've warranted more anger but of course we get none of that. Next we just jump into helping the captured Smokies escape and Tally's crazy ass plan that actually helped show the depth of how smart she is was glazed over. We lose the reveal of Dr. Cable testing on Az causing him to pass away which, on top of being a doctor, fuels Maddy's need to have someone give informed consent before testing the cure for the lesions. The movie also took Maddy rightful anger toward Tally away from her. It might seem small in the grand scheme of things but agreeing to be the test subject for an untested brain alter for a woman who dislikes you for having a part in her husband dying is a step in her trying to earn forgiveness.

Shay's reveal to be turned pretty was completely under done and felt because of the lack of depth they gave to her character along with her relationship with Tally. Shay never wanted to be turned pretty and Tally is a big part of the reason her choice was taken away from her. Her becoming pretty was another thing that made Tally completely regret all that she had done and showed more of the ripple effect of the consequences of her actions. Plus that fuck ass wig and ugly silver dress they had her running around in !!

Overall so many of the choices made by netflix just lets me know they never intended on continuing the series in future movies regardless of the outcome of this one. Like them making Peris special and then killing him off ??!! The Specials having special suits and not special bodies. Changing out the rangers to not expand on the lore. ((Edit: The flowers being made by the cities actually does so much to harm the story which also explains why they removed the rangers because it was cities fighting against yet ANOTHER rusty invention that was destroying the world. The cities (who knows how many) were fighting to preserve nature which lends to them dulling people to slow down their overconsumption and later Tally's mission to make sure the wild was protected when people eventually got their free will back.)) Making the ending open ended because there was no way they could fully close it out because of the nature of the books but every other choice felt so definitive as to an ending and nothing more, like showing Tally pretty at the end when the closing of the book was just her surrendering. The movie itself didn't expand on even just the first books’ lore and it just felt like an extremely lukewarm version of the story that happens over a 30 minute period even though the movie is an hour and a half long. Everything felt rushed and not true to Uglies the book at all and it upsets me to see these books introduced to people in this way.

Ok, rant over. Peace out.

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TLDR, my sparknote ver.

Things I liked:

Lavern Cox as Dr. Cable

Keith Powers as David

Brianne Tju as Shay

Design of the hover cars and boards

Design of the operation tanks

Design of the "THE SMOKE LIVES" message

Thing I did Not like:

how this movie is a TERRIBLE introduction into this world

their failed attempts at humor

joey king as tally youngblood

dr. cable being a public figure head

the montage that skips basically all the world building

tally and shays watered down relationship

tally and davids watered down relationship

tally's parents not coming to see her before peris and really showing she was pushed into working with dr. cable

making the crash bracelets work like a bungee jacket and not using the mechanics from the book

dr cable lying abt what david and the smoke were doing to that extent

montage of the tallys journey in the wild

replacing the rangers with smokies

croy being over aggressive abt not trusting tally when he was sly and smart abt figuring out her story doesn't make sense

david just going "these are my parents" and no one clarifying their names

tally not slowly coming to realize that the smoke isn't that bad and her doubts before learning abt the lesions

the talk abt the lesions

peris being special

the attack on the smoke

not meeting the boss who keeps track of the books/magazines

tally and david hiding out in the open during the attack on the smoke

peris killing az bc az dying from medical testing was important !!! + az's "wah are yu doin"

tally outing herself in front of everyone 😒 + her dumbass escape scene bc she literally just got let go

not explaining or using tally's very smart plan to get into special headquarters

no pretty speak

shays ATROCIOUS ASS WIG that thing looks like a lego piece on her head and them contacts and that dumb ass dress

that glass breaking as soon as the fire touches it

the pt 2 of the solution being so easy to find and maddy not stealing dr. cables interface ring

the body suit for the specials bc their body is what made them special not the suits

joey king breaking up peris and david's fights was giving the fighting from the kissing booth

peris dying ??!!(!(!(

maddy not RIGHTFULLY being mad at tally for destroying her home and getting her husband killed

croy all of a sudden being on tallys side 

[ddejavvu]

I have a request for an insecure reader. A fem reader pls and she's insecure about her 😺 so when Eddie tried to eat her out for the first time she's all shay and she's like "please, no" and he knows somethings wrong so he asks her about it and she tells him about her little insecurity so he comforts her by making her sit on his face and hes praising her the whole time

pls

this post is 18+, minors dni.

Eddie's barely had his dick out of your mouth for five seconds before he's hauling you up off of your knees by your forearms, plopping you onto the edge of his mattress.

"My turn," He grins devilishly, one of his lithe, calloused hands pushing gently against your chest. It lands you flat on your back, and he's standing between your thighs.

There's still cum on your cheek as you scramble upright, words stuck in your throat as panic claws at your chest. You catch him just as he reaches for the hemline of your panties, shaking your head fervently.

He's not sure why you're not speaking. You aren't either, to be fair. You suppose you'd be experiencing post-nut clarity, but it had been Eddie who had cum down your throat.

No, it's something different locking up your jaw and tensing up your thighs. Eddie peers up at you, concerned, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," The barrier breaks, but the words remain in your throat. You speak through the space they don't accompany, your voice soft, "Yeah, I'm fine, Eddie. All good."

"Good." A cautious smile slips over his face once more. and he dips to press a kiss to your inner thigh. He notices the muscles knotted tight in your leg, burrowing his nose there.

"Are you sure? You seem tense." He notes, smoothing a hand over the other thigh.

"I'm fine," Your legs tighten, closing around his head. You scoot backwards on the mattress, clearing him so that you can clamp them together, "I just don't think that's a good idea."

"Oh. Period?" Eddie guesses, and yet his hands remain on your calves like he wouldn't mind if the answer was yes. You shake your head, though you wish you'd had the reactivity to lie for your own sake.

"Just- just not a good idea. I don't really- well, do that."

Eddie's brows furrow, "Do what?"

Despite having Eddie's dick in your mouth only minutes prior, you're suddenly shy.

"I dunno," You huff, cheeks aflame, "Receive."

Eddie's face drops into realization, "You've never had anyone eat you out before?"

"Eddie," You gush, burying your face in your hands as you curl up against the headboard, "It's gross!"

"It's not gross," Eddie scoffs, sounding offended, "You just had my dick in your mouth!"

"No, I mean mine is gross." You cringe at the phrasing, but there's no better way to voice your insecurities that your pussy is lackluster.

Your legs are propped up by your chest, your back to the headboard. Eddie lunges for you, ignoring your indignant shriek when he pulls your knees apart.

"Don't listen to her," He croons, pressing a kiss, a kiss!, to your clothed core, "You're perfect."

Your fingers are knotted in Eddie's locks, ready to yank, when the feeling of his lips on you registers.

"You're pretty," He coos, lips brushing against the fabric of your panties while he lists attributes off to your clothed cunt, "You're sweet, you're the perfect size for me."

"Eddie," You breathe, but it's much less scathing than you want it to be. The feeling of him between your legs is electrifying, everything you've ever wanted, and everything you're too scared to let yourself have.

Next you feel his tongue, certain that it's darkening the fabric that it drags over as he licks a stripe up your slit. You shudder at the feeling of him pressing the tip into your clit, and you're not sure his saliva is the only thing wetting your underwear now.

"I won't if you don't want me to," He speaks to you now, not your throbbing cunt, "But for the record, I really, really want to."

[anakinsafterlife]

Thoughts on Dune Part 2

All right, friends. Dune Part 2. I absolutely picked the wrong time to start wanting to return to Tumblr, since I'm currently in the thick of Ramadan, but c'est la vie. I'm a bit worried that if I don't review now that I might forget my specific impressions of the movie, though I have to say that if this weren't Ramadan that I absolutely would be going back to see it again in the cinema, which says a lot considering that it's been at least ten years since I've actually wanted to go back and repeat a film instead of just waiting for it to come out on streaming/DVD.

So the movie is good. It is in fact very, very good. It's the Empire Strikes Back of the Dune duology (possibly trilogy), and (much like Empire) in terms of cinematography, music, scripting and acting it's nearly flawless. There are, however, issues, things that might not occur to a majority-Western audience but which are immediately clear to anyone who either comes from an Arab or Muslim background.

What follows here is a deep dive into some of the historical and cultural sources of Dune and some of the ways in which the movie producers, and in some cases fans, have failed to acknowledge those sources.

First of all, it's obvious that the Fremen are meant to be based on the Arabs, but of the the entire main cast there is only ONE actor with an Arab background, and that is Souhaila Yacoub, the half-Tunisian actress who plays Shishakli, the female Fremen warrior who is executed by the Harkonnens. Now, I have to say that this woman was fantastic. Her attitude is completely on point for an Arab, especially a North African Arab: forceful, loud, a bit brash and mocking even under fire. Nicely done. Points to the producers there, but I have to take that point away again because she is literally the only Space Arab who is actually Arab. Javier Bardem, the Spanish actor who plays Stilgard, does have some interesting moments and one of the reasons why I feel that the screenwriters were advised on Arabic traditions/culture. The incident during which he warns Paul about the Jinn in the desert like it's a joke but then immediately turns extremely serious when Paul starts smiling is so in character for an Arab and honestly just a brilliant bit of scripting, but much of the time he also acted more or less like what people *think* a fanatical religious Arab acts like--loud, frantic and unstable.

Not only this, but the "Muslim" behaviour/traditions in the film are at best...vague. People are praying, but in any direction at all. I do realize that this would be a complicated issue on another planet, where the Ka'aba couldn't be pointed to, but there are Islamic rulings for EVERYTHING. Check out the one about praying in space:

Even if they had as a society simply picked a random direction for prayer, they should all be praying at the same time and in the same direction (they seem to do this in larger crowds, but not in the smaller group where we first see people praying). They also definitely shouldn't be talking during prayer or trying to make other people talk to them during prayer (as Chani does), since talking breaks your prayer and you have to start over all over again (during obligatory prayers).

Language, too, is an issue, and a big one, because while I do understand that a conlang was developed for use in this movie, the linguists consulted did know that the language was meant to be heavily influenced by Arabic. Consequently, they've included a lot of fragmentary Arabic in their work. Unfortunately this Arabic is poorly pronounced at best, to the point where I was looking words up and laughing at what they're meant to be based on. For example, "Shai Hulud," the word for the Worms, is based on the Arabicشيء خلود, which means "immortal thing," and should be pronounced with "shai" rhyming with "say" followed by a glottal stop, and the 'h' in "Hulood" is actually a guttural sound like the infamous "ch" in Bach, followed by a long U. Another example is Mua'dib مهذب , a real word in Arabic that means "teacher," but is is actually pronounced with a "th" sound instead of a d and emphasis on the second syllable, not on the last as in French. (Note: I made an error here. There is a word مؤدب , pronounced mostly the same in the movie, but with a glottal stop after the 'u' sound and a short 'i' after the d sound rather than a long vowel, that is usually used to mean polite, urbane, gentlemanly, etc. but which can also mean teacher, although I have never heard it used in this context) "Usul", أصول, Paul's other Fremen name, was likely not, as I had previously guessed, based on the word "Rasool," meaning Prophet, but on أصول الفقه the Principles of islamic Jurisprudence, which also ties directly into a religious/prophetic them. Again, this is pronounced on the long vowel, so with a short first U and a long second U.

I've included the Arabic spellings in here, by the way, so that you can drop them into Google translator and hear how they actually sound.

Now, I do realize that the story itself is set 8000 years in the future and that spoken Arabic as a language would have changed considerably in that time, if it existed still at all, but Arabic is a liturgical language as well as a vehicle for conversation, and Muslims all across the world today use it as a tool for worship. Muslims who have no cultural connection with Arabic often still learn it in order to connect more deeply with religious traditions and simply to perform prayers and other religious duties. Religious scholars consider it to be a necessary duty of the Muslim to learn at least some Arabic:

And keep in mind that the Arabic spoken today across the MENA region is very different (and different in different places) to the Arabic spoken 1400 years ago by the Prophet Mohamed (peace be upon him). Given Islamic traditions, the chances of the Fremen using liturgical/classical Arabic for their worship would be quite high, even if their spoken language had evolved past the point of being recognizably Arabic.

Keep in mind, also, that Dune as a whole is an allegory for colonialism, economic exploitation of poorer nations (or making rival nations poor through the same), as well as dehumanization of the views and needs of native peoples in order to make that exploitation palatable to the occupying forces (I thought that this was done quite smartly in Jessica's part of the story; although she is sympathetic to the Fremen, she feels that manipulating their religious traditions is the best way to protect her son, and in doing so she allows herself to dehumanize the people who come to rely on her).

It is, therefore, incumbent upon us not to distance ourselves too much from the intended message by claiming that Dune is fiction and need not too accurately reflect the culture and religion of the people that the Fremen are so clearly based on. The fact that the producers have done little to hire Arab actors or induced any real effort to accurately pronounce the Arabic words or accurately portrayal Islamic practices seems to indicate that they are concerned about identifying too closely with the economic and cultural struggle between East and West, properly because they fear the potential economic backlash, and this despite the fact that Frank Herbert clearly wrote his book to illustrate the fallout of that struggle.

Here is a wonderful article written by a culturally Arab woman:

There are numerous other articles addressing the same issues, but I like this one because it's written by a Muslim woman, who also addresses the "hijab cosplaying" in the movie. I didn't get into that much, but I definitely recognize that it's a problem when Muslim women worry about potential violence while wearing hijab in the streets of Western nations, but the same article of clothing is fetishized in movies and fashion.

I've also seen some comment about the Mahdi mention in particular. This is a saviour-figure in Islam who will come near the end of the world. There is no emphasis on this figure in Sunni Islam, but Shias seem to have a significant body of literature concerning this figure and, from what I understand, believe that he may perhaps have already come, and so there has been some poor reception in that community to applying the label of Mahdi to Paul. Criticisms ranging from insensitivity to outright blasphemy have been levelled regarding this usage. Now, there was some tip-toeing around the prophetic theme in Dune, and rightly so, I believe, since the Prophet Mohamed is the "seal of the prophets" in Islam, meaning the last and final. The fact that Paul was essentially set up as a false prophet by the Bene Gesserit does avoid some of the potential fallout from this, and also makes sense of Chani's rejection at the end of the film, since she felt strongly about Paul acting as a false Prophet.

Again, I am aware that there is internal cosmology within the series itself, and that some fans object to the religion of the Fremen being referred to as Islam, but when the inspiration for the entire ethnicity, religion, and the natural resources at stake are as clear as they are in this series, it's also futile to expect that people will not draw those associations, nor that people belonging to the religion or ethnic group in question may not acknowledge the beauty of the movie, the gorgeous cinematography, rousing music, and tightly plotted story, but still take exception to what is clearly Orientalism.

And it is frankly such a shame that we have to place this movie under that header, because the story of Dune is so sympathetic to the Middle East and its peoples, and as I said in the beginning I actually loved the film and found it very beautiful. It was also exciting to see Islamic themes used creatively in mainstream media, but while Frank Herbert clearly wrote the story as an exposition on the exploitation of natural resources, particularly oil, in the MENA region, the truth is that the racism and exploitation that he was protesting are very much alive today and contribute to the oppression of millions. It's particularly disappointing to see the message of the movie sail over the heads of people watching it when Arab Muslims in Palestine are being dehumanized and obliterated at this very moment, and while Libya was one of the latest Arab nations to be targeted for its oil resources, only a decade ago, with European oil companies moving in directly after the downfall of Ghadafi (which makes the timing extremely suspicious, one might say):

And even after the US finished their occupation of Iraq, Western oil companies remained en mass to continued drilling:

Egypt to this day remains economically destabilized while Western nations exploit its oil stocks, to no benefit at all of its peoples:

I'm sure I could cite dozens of other cases, but it's clear that there is a one-on-one parallel between spice melange and oil, making any protests of apoliticism in an inherently political story utterly vain.

I could go on, but I needn't. In short, this beautiful movie could have done so much good even beyond its obvious artistic merits, but instead it is still towing the political line. Much as was the case for Jessica and Paul, sometimes you can be a Harkonnen and not know it.

[queer-reader-07]

don't mind me i'm just dropping my review of dune part 2 here because i really really really loved this movie and it changed me on a molecular level and i can't stop thinking about it and everyone should watch it it's so good i'm not joking it's literally one of the best films i've ever watched. ok anyway, review:

I remember very clearly the day I finished Dune. I remember how I was sitting at the kitchen table, eating rice & beans with a spoon in one hand, and holding my dad's battered and loved mass market in the other hand. I remember how I read the final words and closed the book slowly. How I got up to go sit in my dad's home office and stare into space in disbelief at what I'd just read. I remember how I looked at my dad and I said "I can see why it's your favorite. I think it's mine too."

I saw Dune Part 2 on opening night, in IMAX, with my dad. And to say it was a night to remember is an understatement. I can say with full confidence that seeing this film is sure to become a core memory.

The sheer power of this film is something to behold. I don't think there was a single moment in those 166 minutes that I wasn't entirely immersed in the film, my eyes were glued to that screen like never before.

There were moments during the movie where I was genuinely frightened, moments that had me on the edge of my seat. I know how this story goes, I know how it ends, I know who lives and who dies. And yet...

Paul Atreides is a scary man by the end of this story. The transformation he undergoes after drinking the Water of Life is unsettling, and Timothee did a fantastic job of portraying it. Paul's speeches about how he is The One- The Lisan Al-Gaib- are damning. You can see how much he believes now that he must be the messiah and how deeply the Fremen believe in him, but you can also see how dangerous he is. The power in his words is scary because I know how much damage the search for one person to save us all can cause. His final speech instills a sense of breath-stealing deep in the audience. It's frightening and disturbing because I know that this kind of religious zealotry is not being played up for the sake of theatrics; it is very, very real.

Jessica's religious indoctrination is scarily accurate to the indoctrination I've witnessed in my own life. The way she talks of "converting the non believers" reminds me a little too much of how I was taught to share the Word of God with those who didn't believe in Christ or God while I was in catholic school. And while her own indoctrination is terrifying to witness, what is worse is watching how she spreads her propaganda amongst the Fremen. By the end, they believe that Paul will save them; rather than being saved by their own people.

Despite knowing that Stilgar's faith is largely due to Bene Gesserit propaganda that speaks of a messiah, I still find him to be an admirable character. His unwavering and unshakeable faith mimics the faith of many religious people I know in real life. I've always envied that kind of faith, the kind that prevails regardless of hardship or pain or loss. I sometimes wish I could have that kind of faith, I wish I could believe in something that strongly. Stilgar is not shaken by anything Paul or Chani or any other Fremen say. He believes with his whole being that Paul is the Lisan Al-Gain, and that he will save them all.

"I don't care what you believe. I believe!"

And it's just such a well crafted movie. Shai-Hulud looks so good in this film (the sand worm riding scenes were breathtaking). The cinematography, the soundtrack, the acting; everything feels so intentional. I'm so grateful this film exists.

This movie will stick with me for a while, if not forever. It so faithfully portrays not only the story but the themes of Dune. This film was clearly made with love, care, and adoration for the source material. I couldn't be more grateful.

As the film came to a close, as Jessica's final words rang in my ears, as I watched Chani prepare to ride Shai-Hulud, I did not know what to do with myself. As the credits began to roll everyone around me stood up while I stayed seated. As I peeled myself out of my seat to leave, the music that played rang throughout the theater. I was breathing heavy, I turned to my dad, and we concluded that this was a truly wonderful film.

in conclusion, i can die happy knowing my favorite novel of all time has been so perfectly adapted.

[moiwym]

The second most recent Rare Americans album (Searching For Strawberries: The Story of Jongo Bongo) feels different from the rest, and I'm not entirely sure why

Rare Americans is a (ironically enough) Canadian alt-rock band, where most of their music is made to send a message, with topics ranging from how the world is too unfair (think "Love Is All I Bring" and "Gas Mask") to how much the good things can affect us (think "Shay" and "Mama Bear").

The two most recent albums leaned more into a specific topic than the other four (not counting RA 3 Deluxe), with Searching For Strawberries telling a story about a man trying to get away from all the pressures of life and The Human Animal being a commentary on the oppressive nature of a hypercapitalist society.

The major difference between Searching For Strawberries and the rest of Rare Americans' discography is in its subject matter; a man who is tired of it all and decides to leave to see the world for what it is outside of work. The way they present this idea to the viewer is through a fully animated storyline featuring the music from the album and moments of conversation between characters to connect the songs.

For the most part, it's still a typical RA album; the world sucks, but there are always things to live for. Though, a big thing about that is, in all albums beforehand, most of the songs were not connected. A few songs had recurring storylines, or had some relation to an event in a previous song, yet none of them really had a major overarching story to tell between songs. With all songs being connected to one another in Searching For Strawberries, it's hard to imagine it as an album rather than a soundtrack.

It feeling like a soundtrack is what's weird about the album, as I can't put my finger onto what might have changed it to be like that. Is it that I know that it's from what is essentially an animated film? Is it that they all tell similar storues to one another? Maybe it's that they all tell stories in the first place? I'm not sure. It's strange to listen to a good album and feel that it's wrong; "this is not like the rest of their albums, but why?" And this is where I'm left, with slight confusion and wonder at how Rare Americans did it.

I guess this is the semicolon episode; I think I like using them. Anyway, sorry for the short hiatus I had! It takes a while for the words to form in my head!

[mandalhoerian]

bruh my comment was too long to post under the new chapter so i’m sending an ask. saw the ao3 notif and scheduled to read it this fine evening, good thing i was like “lemme scroll on tumblr and see what’s up” because SJFKDJLXBZB the face i made when i saw i was tagged and followed BY YOU? also ma’am 🤚🏻wdym nobody comments like i do. like what do you mean. i have a concerning relationship with receiving praise so i advise you to stfu (affectionately).

my poor girl vera can’t catch a break, loss after loss after loss in such a short period. i just want to give her lots and lots of hugs (consensually). on another note i love that she clocked ada’s intentions right away bc capcom wtf is that writing. one person taking down a whole organization is like sending only one person to save president’s kidnapped daughter (laugh track). let me tell you i have been waiting for this 🤌🏻 vera and ada interacting 🤌🏻 leon being there all charming and naive and trusting people easily 🤌🏻 shai you just get the dynamics of all the characters *so right* 🤌🏻

sorry for the excessive amount of parentheses and emojis let me just find another obnoxiously annoying emoji to spam about the intimacy between leon and vera. 🤧 it’s this one but i’m wiping my snot away from crying about it. the small touches between the two are so tender in this fucked up world 🤧 vera’s hand on his forearm… leon collecting her in his arms, comforting her 🤧 his arm on her shoulder 🤧 i could cry and get a headache from thinking about them. i’m so serious.

(gnawing at the bars of my enclosure) JILL VALENTINE MENTION???? VERA KNOWS HER? WHAT IS THE LORE? I NEED TO KNOW.

how does one end a delirious comment. uhhh. so yeah. i love nttd and vera so much and i’m so happy that it’s back babyyyy.

Ofc I followed!!!! I don't remember why I didn't in the first place like but like ???? ur making it sound like I'm some big shot but like pls im a loser who's writing oc fanfiction on the internet and is so lucky and grateful to get people invested in it!!!!! AND YES nobody comments like you do! You're the dream of a fanfiction author ON GOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH

ramble below to keep your dashboards clean:

I think we talked about this over on ao3 but honestly re2r's ada just doesn't make sense to me. The FBI cover is logical (when you first think about it), but the way she's immediately pulling a gun on Annette the minute they see her and DECLARING her intentions isn't. She then proceeds to reveal her target is Annette, and then her going with the FBI thing becomes less logical, bc why would Annette hand over the G-Virus sample to the feds, either? It's entirely a shock factor thing revolved around Leon, she's only fooling him -- or maybe, she's fooled Ben like this, too, and was forced to stick to her cover when shit went down, we don't know 😭 why did they do my girl ada like that... (ngl re4r ada supremacy. period.)

But either way, un-truths she would throw as a bone to a "civilian" like Leon would of course be caught by Vera, nugget by nugget, while still making her think "mayhaps the FBI is misinformed????" -- I didn't want to ruin that fine line by Ada going on about Annette making the virus and her being the most dangerous of all "g-virus g-virus g-virus" or whatever because 1) WHY WOULD A SPY DO THAT???? 2) it would surely make Vera go "yeah NOPE" 💀💀

it's so much fun for them to try sussing each other out, Light and L mind games over there while Leon is happily frolicking. not one thought behind those eyes 😭

ALSO LIKE YES THE TOUCHES!!!!!! It's Leon initiating all of them for me 👹👹👹 physical touch taking over when words can't. my favorite thing of all UGGHHHHHHHH THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME IN MY MISERY

ALSO totally not going "actually 🤓☝" as I'm saying this because it's been HALF A WHOLE YEAR + the fic is over 100K words -- Vera knows Jill from post!mansion incident - pre!outbreak, in that ephemeral "investigation" phase of Jill's. I do mention it in the fic that Vera supplies information to Jill (as around that time she's trying to get rid of the weight of all she knows and trying to pass on the "hero's job" to someone else) and they exchange their findings while trying to be careful not to get caught by ppl Umbrella put on Jill's tail. I think I wrote it in passing that Vera was disguised as a secretary and sat back-to-back with Jill on a booth in one of those occasions? She's loosely connected to re3r by having a brief appearance in carlos' police station section in my head, entrusting Jill to him and all and promising to meet up with them in the station once she talks to her dad about it ☹

"delirious comment" WDYM ITS MY LIFEBLOOD THANK YOU 😭

[temporarymoods]

mwah

scatch what i said on that last post. idk her. im CHILLINGGGGG!!!

MarMon today: yes I celebrated. you gotta. duh. Patriot's Day-- a Mass thing!? Hilarious.

We went to the race and yelled and screamed and cheered on at various points. Walked a bunch. Got sunburnt in that shallow way, but my nose is pink. It was pretty emotional! So proud of everyone. Kept thinking that this is kind of one of the best things humanity can do. Anyway-- B)

Got sambas, lmfao?! Trying to look like a boy. Followed by some really good pasta. and then trying to look like a girl. i went to a frat! for the first time! i got champagne on my sambas. christened. the person who clocked me as queer at the party said "christened" after i had minutes prior. yeah. a good thing

- - i know the gender thing of it is ridiculous but for some reason my soft complicated body craves that sexual weirdness between men and women and particularly these young men and women in that..disgusting atmosphere. a disgusting atmosphere. really hungry for that generalization.. it's true. im really attracted to men

other than that^ being tough,

i went DANCINGGG!!!!!1!1!11!!11!!

and I LOVED IT SO MUCH!!!!111!1

What a GREAT night!!! i can't put into words how amazing i feel even though that is why i came here...shucks. has the moment past? did i spend too much time on the queue?

My foot is sore as I type this. I came home so inspired and read up on country swing vs other kinds (I knew jazz swing was the thing, and swing dancin aint line dancin !) then i listened to a lot of good music:

Slow Dancing - Aly & AJ * total classic for me lmao. damn they have the best spotify top 5

Let's Get Married - Bill Elliot Swing Orchestra * when i didn't yet understand that i had to look up **country** swing music. now i know ;) god i cant wait to go again

-- what is it?! i think its that i really love to dance, to move my body, to try and get it right, to improve? to be good? to have fun in a choreographed way. to conform. the do the correct thing. idk

here's what i think its really about: i think i like smootheness. and i like the click of a phenomenon you can't pull a word for. and short counts. and intention. and shape. mostly shape. beat, sure, too. i like beat. i like rising to it, and not tiring. i dont know how i get so obsessed. i need to go back. that was exactly what ive been looking for for months, and what i thought i found but only got in part in the club, which i go to for the dancing, the loud music, the blindingness. but i dont contribute there. my ears are filled but the sound can only vibrate me a little. im not, swung, literally. and i cant provide energy to the space like you can witcha boots awn. so yeah, i think thats really it. dancing. i fucking love dancing. ive always fucking loved dancing. for real! really! i never got that good, yeah. but i fucking loved it thats for sure. i always wanted someone to actually teach me shit. they didnt do that enough in theatre. maybe they did. maybe i just wasnt that talented. not now though. dead. fucking. ass. just input my entire work calendar that i have access to because this shits getting real my life is mine and theres fan fucking tastic things to be doing with it.

alright...i could continue...i'll pick up the rest in my dairy ;* not gonna get too personal, phew. uhm. eh hem.

That Don't Impress Me Much - Shania Twain

Tequila - Dan + Shay

End of Beginning - Djo * lmao i got on this because i saw some interview w him online as im jamminggugghh i got sucked in. then all this happened:

Change - Djo * so much better than the one blowin up btw

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) - Eurythmics, etc * i looked up more songs like Change :| hahaha. then all this happened:

Lifetime - Yves Tumor

Pop Song - Perfume Genius

Here Comes the Rain Again - Eurythmics, etc

Here Comes Your Man - Pixies

Eye in the Wall - Perfume Genius

Boys - Amen Dunes * at this point my original mission is fucked. the intention's gone. i'm so far from where i started: country lovin

at the same time the joint i rolled before we went out and shared on the way home is getting its way through my system for sure. its approaching 2am, woah! full day tomorrow but not nearly as inspired at this one. this one's literally how you're supposed to live . well maybe beer not getting stolen at the bar mmmm. mhm. yeah i'll tack that on as well.

i didnt, dont, want to let go of tonight skrrreorgihveouhv!!!! uuuummm! yeah i should keep thinking about it. : ) : ) hehehehehe

Man! I Feel Like a Woman! - Shania Twain

<3 , so much ;)

Kate

[thethistlegirlwrites]

Songs and Ships Tag

Thanks so much for tagging me @talesofsorrowandofruin , I'm putting this on my Writeblr instead of my main because I'm doing some OCs for this...

Rules: write about two to five songs from them that represent your a ship between your OCs (it can be platonic or romantic or a secret third thing). Then add a quote from said WIP (if possible!) underneath it.

I'm going to do this for Sierra and Shay because I'm kind of obsessed with their dynamic right now...

They both come to the situation with so much past baggage and issues, and I love how over the course of the story the perspective shifts as to which of them is the real monster (and then starts asking whether anyone is too monstrous to change, and where we go from there if we do).

The Unforgiven II by Metallica

Lay beside me and tell me what they've done And speak the words I wanna hear to make my demons run The door is locked now but it's open if you're true If you can understand the me then I can understand the you Yeah, what I've felt, what I've known Sick and tired, I stand alone Could you be there? 'Cause I'm the one who waits for you Or are you unforgiven too?

2. Flaws by Bastille

All of your flaws and all of my flaws They lie there hand in hand Ones we've inherited, ones that we learned They pass from man to man You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve And I have always buried them deep beneath the ground Dig them up; let's finish what we've started Dig them up, so nothing's left untouched All of your flaws and all of my flaws, When they have been exhumed We'll see that we need them to be who we are Without them we'd be doomed

3. What I've Done by Linkin Park

Put to rest What you thought of me While I clean this slate With the hands of uncertainty So let mercy come and wash away What I've done I'll face myself To cross out what I've become Erase myself And let go of what I've done For what I've done I start again And whatever pain may come Today this ends I'm forgiving What I've done

4. Gravel on the Ground by John Denver

So let's walk the road together. Who knows what we'll find tomorrow; Maybe good times, maybe sorrow will be waitin' 'round the bend. Given time, two hearts discover what they're feelin' for each other; At the best we'll end up lovers, at the least we'll make a friend. But life ain't no easy freeway, just some gravel on the ground. You pay for every mile you go, to spread some dust around. Though we all have destinations, and the dust will settle down; But life ain't no easy freeway, just some gravel on the ground.

I had to have ONE road trip adjacent song in this list given that's literally the entirety of Compass, and I tried to put these in some logical progression of the relationship?

Anyway, here's a snippet:

Sierra walks over and kicks the chair. Shane startles awake, blinking in the lowering sunlight. “Huh?”

“Got a proposition for you. You told me a pretty good story back there. Enough I think I might believe you. If I’m right, then either I go toe to toe with my agency, or I let you go. Either way, my career is most likely over. But if I let an innocent…person…die, then it ought to be.” 

“What are you saying?”

“I don’t think you lied to me. I don’t know why you didn’t tell anyone else the truth already, but I think you’ve told me now. Which means somewhere in LA, a murderer is still on the loose, we’re the only ones who know that, and we need to find them in case they kill again. And I’d rather do it with you. You’re the closest witness to the crime. We need you in the middle of the investigation, not a thousand miles away. After this is over, if you still think the stake is your best option, we’ll do what’s best for you.” She leans on the back of the seat. “What do you say? Do you want to spend the last days of your life in a cell, or would you rather look the bastard who framed you in the eyes when we take him down?”

No Pressure Tagging @nade2308 @catwingsathena @telltaleclerk and anyone else who sees this and wants to jump in!

[surroundedbypearls]

Author Ask Tag Game

Thank you @mariahwritesstuff for tagging me!!

Tagging: @radley-writes, @musicofglassandwords, @mrbexwrites, @acertainmoshke and anyone else who wants to do this!

*will be answering about To Catch the Sea

1. What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it?

The lesson is mainly about people finding their circle and those people they can feel safe with, and what it means to protect them. It does have anti-war elements to it as well.

2. What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)?

Greek mythology and Irish/Celtic mythology were my inspirations! Adam and Shay's world is like a mishmash of the two.

3. What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person?

Adam is trying to do a couple of things; survive his education and his upcoming service as a dragon soldier to the king, and also to get Shay to notice him. He's a multitasker. Through Adam and Shay's stories I'm trying to convey the different ways people can feel isolated by their environments and how they can connect in unexpected ways.

4. How many chapters is your story going to have?

It has 43 chapters at the moment! That's a full draft, after editing we'll see if that changes.

5. Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

It's original fiction! No posting plans at the moment, except the little excerpts I've posted on Tumblr.

6. When and why did you start writing?

I started writing fanfiction when I was about 13 I think, and started coming up with original fic ideas around 14-15, though didn't really fully write any until I was older, maybe 18 or older. Except for a verrry old and unrecognisable draft of To Catch the Sea that I handwrote!

7. Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of Writeblr? What other writers of Tumblr do you follow?

I'd say to people that writeblr is great for meeting people/gathering mutuals which can be helpful when you're looking for writing buddies, feedback etc, but not to put too much focus into posting/trying to get followers etc if you don't enjoy it! Or try to find a part of it you enjoy. The writing is always most important.

I follow a ton of writeblrs, but a few I'll shout out are @quilloftheclouds, @cherrybombfangirlwrites, @mrbexwrites, @radley-writes and @yors-truly!

[rise-of-a-morningstar]

-long post, friends; I'm rambling about somethings that Lexie and Sebby have kept to themselves for Probs too long.

In regards to that last repost,

Honestly we were, and still are, extremely hesitant about how much we're choosing to interact and get involved with HH/HB. Hellaverse is something we've been enjoying greatly and we love sharing our ideas and learning other people's ideas as well, no matter the fandom or media it's over. When we take interest in something, it's deep rooted.

But every time we venture to fandom spaces that we haven't been to, there's this sense of dread and fear we get. Especially when there's a flocking of new and young fans.

Lexie and Sebby were lucky with the delightful crowd they fell into over in the corner of the Star Wars Rebels fandom. We've been lucky to have both friends and mutuals unconditionally support us, be just as eager to hear us explore our thoughts and fantasies as we are theirs.

Above all else, we operate on a ship and let ship type of stature. Don't judge kinks or fantasies or how someone chooses to cope. We get antsy and anxious when people conflate their personal discomfort over X as "X is immoral". I'll be one of the first to admit that there's a lot of weird shit, but weird shit is okay. There's nothing shameful or immoral about it as long as it isn't hurting a real person.

What so many people don't understand is that they are responsible for curating their own online experiences, but they take that as they have to make this other person change. Instead of just simply blocking things or people when they feel uncomfortable.

The "everyone has to be unproblematic and share the exact opinion and perspective as I do" is such a highly and deeply flawed mindset to have. It's the "you don't think the same way I do, therefore you're wrong and that isn't allowed". And often it's hypocritical.

Not everyone will get along and not everyone will agree and not everyone will have the same perspective. But that's life. That's real life. You can either embrace it or just keep scrolling.

Curating your online experience does not mean harass and berate others into submission to your will and beliefs.

For us, we welcome anyone and everyone, we love broadening the horizons of understanding or perspectives. But what we don't welcome is when people try and make all fiction "unproblematic", when they believe that what a person creates is a showcase of what that person's morals are, or when they think it's okay to berate someone over their taste in *fiction*.

We've been fortunate in the fact that someone hasn't directly targeted or harassed us, but that's also because we have a tendency to stick to ourselves and our small circles when it comes to closer/direct interactions.

I know Lexie would love to interact more, but he's also the most hesitant. He acts tough, and he is, but he also has a lot of the mental stuff that he has to balance.

Regardless, we're still excited to share our exploration thoughts and listen to others, excited to meet others. Above all else, excited to offer a safe space for others to explore their imagination freely and without judgment.

I fell asleep writing this, hehe, I'm just rambling. The boys kept this in for too long, and after reading through the documents of what happened, my heart ached. For Shay, their friends, their family, and their dreams and passion.

I hate how toxic fanspaces can become. How unwelcoming. And how it's been escalating from more than just the typically more erotic side of things. Every thought, take, and imagination has to be "the right one". If your imagination isn't an exact mirror of your real world morality, then there's the risk of someone with no media literacy but equipped with more words than they know how to wield safely harassing you instead of simply just scrolling on or blocking.

There's more I wanted to say, but it's not in my mind's orbit at this moment. And I'm not sure what else to say that isn't just going to be repeating what I've already said.

Nevertheless, we still firmly stand on being as welcoming as possible. On providing a safe and gentle space.

Love,

Alice 💖

[thepinkproof]

The Operator

Synopsis: there is nothing normal about Greenwood University. however, the school is your only option. it is even more fearful when the person everyone told you to stay away from, Jungkook , is the one who won’t leave you alone.

parings: yandere! inhuman jungkook x reader/ overprotective sibling taehyung x reader

warnings: yandere behavior, mentions of pregnancy

word count: 3.8k

NEW: TAGLIST, ask to be added @mwitsmejk @jeonzll @silversparkles11 @douknowbts

series masterlist

chapter 11: just the beginning

Jimin sat at the private area of the beach admiring the calmness of the waves. The sand molded into his legs and he sat with his eyes closed. He was at peace when he was here.

His thoughts were interrupted as he heard feet rumble into the sand.

"Long time no see brother." His younger sibling said as he approached him. He sat down beside him looking at the water.

Jimin looked at his face. "You really grown Jungkook."

"And you're still the same height Jimin." He retorted earning a laugh from the older boy.

"How did you find this planet?" Jungkook asked finally ignoring the waves.

"I was trying to find you. After father sent you off I had to go after you. I looked for you for years Jungkook." Jimin explained.

"I didn't know you cared for me that much."

"Of course I do, you're my brother. I always will love you. What our parents did to you was wrong."

Jungkook smiled before hugging Jimin. "I miss you hyung." Jimin embraced him as they hugged for what seems like minutes.

"You've seen to be busy on this planet?" Jungkook observed.

"Yeah, my spaceship crashed I figured I was stuck on the planet so I started a business."

"You've been taking care of my love?" Jungkook asked. Jimin stared at him thinking he might assumed something was between him and Storm but instead he smiled "Thank you."

"Storm's a great girl. She reminds me much of you when we grew up together." Jimin told him.

"I've never been so in love, hyung. She's all I ever think about. Sometimes, when I see the good in people I become jealous. Good people get to live a life surrounded by other good people and great opportunities. How come when I was good person everyone wronged me? When I met Storm I tried to look at her darkest desire, you know what it was?" Jungkook hypothetically asked Jimin.

"It was to be truly loved.Firstly, I thought how is that a dark desire? Then, I thought of the lengths I would go to be truly loved."

"I understand, I'm still looking for my person. I'm just glad you're happy Jungkook. The two of you deserve each other."

Jungkook nodded as the boys sat in silence admiring the beach.

"Do you ever think about home?" Jimin asked.

Jungkook chuckled. "Bangtan? Nah, too many bad memories. I do miss how powerful I was on Ringstar though. I think I just want to stay here on Earth with Storm, get married, have kids and grown old together." He fantasized.

"You can't grow old, you're immortal." Jimin argued.

"I'll find a way."

"What if I told you you didnt need to?" Jimin asked.

"What do you mean?" Jungkook replied looking at him intently.

"Lillian Cho, or as we know her as Lily. Did you know she died on this Earth?"

"Lillian Cho was Lily from our planet? Isn't that Storm's biological mom." Jungkook asked. Jimin didn't answer he just let him ponder.

"I was involved in her death." Jungkook admitted earning Jimin's shock. "B-But she was already dead when I saw her, she looked completely different. I-I didn't even realize it was her, I just thought it was Storm's human mom. But if that was really Lily from Ringstar that means Storm isn't completely human."

"But that's not the best part. Lily came on this planet to look for you under Queen Shay's order, meaning she had to have a spaceship back." Jimin smirked.

—————-

"Oh look who finally decided to show up to school." Sofía teased as Storm sat at their study table.

She has finally returned to school. Jimin didn't care if she went to school anymore. She was surprised at his change of heart. He was being extra nice to her lately.

"I have so much makeup work." Storm complained.

"Don't worry, I took notes for you." Hobi assured her, handing her papers.

"Thank you, you're a lifesaver Hobi." Storm praised. "Where's Ford?" Storm asked.

"He has a huge football game tonight. He's practicing right now." Sofía explained. Storm noticed she look nervous just speaking of the game. It must be important.

"I'm so glad we can go to the football game now. The Aboms been calmer lately. Usually they show off at football games." Hobi said excitingly.

"They probably scared after Jungkook killed those Aboms who beat me up." Storm casually concluded while looking at the notes.

Hobi and Sofía gasped. "It's about time you figured out what was going around here!" Sofia exclaimed.

"I mean I had my theories he was running things, but I didn't know he was that lethal, none of you guys told me." Storm admitted.

"We didn't want to scare you. Plus, we gave you so many hints. I'm just glad you know now, he obviously got a fixation on you. Beware!" Hobi warned.

It felt like everyone knew Jungkook was running this school, killing people but her.

"Why are you guys at this school then? Like I knew it was weird crimes going on at this school but I didn't know everyone knew who it was. Wouldn't it be easier to switch schools?"

"Storm, Pukkas are safe here. We're just here for a degree and minding our own business." Sofía explained.

Safe? Storm didnt feel safe at all. Jungkook interest in her made her excited and scared. She was scared not of him, but what would happen to her if she fell for him.

Why did Taehyung never tell her? Technically he did throw many hints. But she haven't seen him in days.

"I don't think I'm safe guys. I think Jungkook has some crush on me." Storm told the two of them.

"I hate to tell you but you're the safest girl at this college." Hobi chuckled.

——-

Taehyung and Rosé sat outside in a car outside a house. He was nervous as he stared at the modest home for minutes.

“Come on Taehyung!” Rosé complained.

“This feels wrong, meeting Storm’s dad before she does.”

“I know you’re not speakimg of morals Taehyung, you killed like so many people.” Rosé retorted.

“What are we suppose to say? Hi I am wondering if you have a spaceship?” He said.

“I mean yeah.”

“What if he didn’t know Lily was an alien? He would think were crazy asking about a spaceship.” Taehyung opposed.

“You’re already crazy Taehyung.” Rosé said before opening the car door. She hopped out the car putting on her sunglasses.

Taehyung sighed getting out of the car following her.

They approached the door and Rosé harshly knocked on it earning a disapproving look from Taehyung.

They paused waiting for an answer. Hearing footsteps they immediately prepared.

A man answered door. He was average height with similar features of Storm. He wore what looked like company clothes.

“Can I help you?” He asked.

“Um, yeah, we wanted to talk to you about a lady named Lillian Cho.” Taehyung stated. The man blankly stared at both of them before slamming the door in their face.

“Damn.”

“I told you, you should’ve just let me talk.” Rosé argued before knocking on the door this time with an even harsher force.

The man answered the door again. “Can you go away!”

“Sir, i’m sorry to bother you. I am close with your daughter, I would love to tell you more about her if you’re willing to talk to me about a few things.” Rosé sweetly proposed. The man eyes soften at the mention of his daughter. He sighed before opening the door and letting them in. Inside his house was a bunch of moving boxes that blocked the hallways.

“Thank you sir for letting us in. I’m Park Rosé and this is my friend Kim Taehyung. I am a biological cousin to your daughter and Lillian Cho and Taehyung here has been a brother to her throughout her childhood.” Rosé explained. The man nodded and sat down waiting for the two of them to do the same.

“I’m Isaiah, how is my baby girl Nari doing?” He asked.

“You would know if you tried to participate in her life.” Taehyung mumbled.

Rosé panickingly looked at him “Taeh-“

Storm’s dad got up from his chair anger written all on his face.

“And what would you know young man? You think I didn’t try? Do you have any idea how hard it is to make a living as a single black father when your wife left you and your baby alone?” Isaiah screamed at him. Taehyung spoke no words but sympathy was showed in his eyes.

“I’m sorry sir for his behavior. I can tell you more about Nari if you tell me about Lillian.” Rosé suggested.

Isaiah took a deep breath before sitting down again. “What do you want to know?” He asked.

“How did you meet her?”

“When I was 19 I immigrated here to America leaving my parents and country behind. My parents never accepted my career and cut me off from the family. I was going to a college so I was broke financially.

I would stay in the camp grounds in a old car, it’s how I basically survived. One day this woman in an RV arrived. She was very beautiful but she looked tired and in a rush. She didn’t look down at me like everyone else, instead she smiled at me and we ended up conversing. One thing led to another and we-“

“Okay, I think we get that part.” Taehyung informed.

“Alright, after we um had fun. The next day she was gone and I continued going to college. I always thought of her but communication was limited back then. We didn’t have the Snapbooks and Twitterlings like you kids do.

5 months later I get a knock on my car window at the camp grounds. The RV was there again and there Lillian was. Pregnant and crying. Immediately when I saw the baby bump I figured it was mine. She kept crying saying she can’t be pregnant with my baby and that it has never happened before to her kind. I had no idea what she meant by that, I just assumed she never slept with a black man before.

Lillian and I we fell in love, she stayed with me throughout her pregnancy. I was working a part time job and doing college to provide for my future family. I was happy with Lily but she always wanted to move, it was like she had other priorities. She would sneak out at times, I trusted her so I never questioned her about it.

When Nari was about to be born she insisted that we did not go to the hospital. She wanted to have the baby in her RV. I was against that but I knew it was probably for the best. Having a baby at a hospital cost thousands of dollars.

When she was in labor her eyes kept turning this bright pink color. I’m no doctor but that was not normal. When she pushed the baby out she did it easily, like it was nothing. She named the baby Nari which is Korean for Lily just like her name. The baby was crying for hours, that’s when I knew something was off.

Lily kept saying “the baby’s ears are sensitive and need to adjust.” Thats when I demanded answers for everything, the disappearing, the pink eyes, the weird swords she had in her rv. Since you are her cousin I assumed you know what her secret was.” He said looking at Rosé.

“Yes, I am like her.” She said showing her pink eyes.

“Yeah, she told me her only family was on the planet Ringstar. Her mission was to go on Earth and find a boy but she could never find him. The craziest part is that woman was like 300 years old and looked 20. Anyways, she was really worried about Nari, she was the first half human and half alien. Besides having really good eyesight and hearing and being a fast learner, she was pretty much human. When Nari was two years old is when I woke up and Lily was gone.

She left a letter saying that she will be back soon and that she think she found a lead on the boy she was looking for. I was devastated. I had to quit college to raise Nari. I had no family to help me and a college debt. When I went to work I left her in the car with my windows down and checked up on her every hour. That’s how bad it was. I got caught for child negligence and they took her to a foster home. I kept working and working to have a stable income for I can have my child back. When I tried she was already adopted and they denied me since I didn’t have visa then. Lily never came back and I fell into a deep depression.”

When Isaiah spoke tears ran through his face. Taehyung finally understood the man. He didn’t choose to leave his family. Rosé also had a sad look on her face. Why would her Aunt leave Storm to find Jungkook? Even if it was her mission did she not care about her child? Rosé came all the way to this Earth to look for her aunt, yet her aunt left her own child?

“I’m so sorry. Nari would love to get to know you. She goes by Storm now. She is studying at Greenwood University trying to get a degree in Therapy. She also look just like you, look at this picture.” Taehyung said showing him a picture of the girl.

“Wow, she’s beautiful.” Isaiah cried. “Thank you for taking care of her young man.” He said giving Taehyung a tight hug.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but I have to ask. Did Lily have a spaceship stored somewhere?”

Isiah broke from the hug. He looked at Rosé confusedly. “Yeah, when she left she left me an address to a storage room where she kept it and told me to look after it for her. B-But some man called me today and offered me 10 million dollars for it. I sold it to him since Lillian is dead. That’s why these boxes are here, I finally have the money to move out this house.”

Rosé and Taehyung looked at each other in fright.

Its only one man they knew who would buy it.

———————

Storm, Hobi and Sofía waited in the snack line of the highly awaited football game. The stadium was packed but they were blessed to know the star player to get good seats.

Storm’s hair was tied in green and purple ribbons to represent the team. Sofía was wearing her boyfriend’s jersey, and Hobi was wearing a team tee.

“Do you two really need to get snacks?” Sofía complained.

“Yes! I’m not watching a two hour football game without snacks.” Hobi defended.

“Awww, you look so nervous for your man, Sofía.” Storm teased.

“Yes! This is super big he could get into the NFL! It’s his biggest dream.” Sofía reminded.

“You look more nervous then he did today.” Hobi observed.

After they got their food they made their way towards their seats. However, Storm was annoyed. She’s been getting this feeling for weeks. At first she ignored it, but now enough was enough.

“I’ll be right back guys.” She said leaving the group. She walked outside the stadium where she knew nobody was before stopping.

She turned around and cross her arms.

“Come out already, you’re not fooling anyone!” She yelled. The air was filled with silence.

“Fine, have it your way.” She said walking towards a car and pulling out two legs. The boy screeched.

“Lance! Why have you been following me?” Storm interrogated.

“Following you?” He chuckled. “No, I’m just checking the oil in my car.”

“This is not your car. It literally has a “Soccer mom 4 life” sticker and you check the gas using the hood, not underneath it.” She sassed.

“Fine. I was following you.”

“It’s obvious I can hear your loud breathing all the time.”

“How can you hear my breathing? I kept my distance.” Lance questioned.

“That’s not important, did Jungkook tell you to stalk me or are you auditioning to be the next Joe Goldberg?”

“Me? As Joe Goldberg? Being Obsessed with you? Sweetie, you’re worried about the wrong J.”

“Whatever, stop following me!” She scoffed before walking back to the stadium.

————-

Jungkook and Taehyung sat down at the bleachers enjoying the football game. They were both quiet, only focused on the field.

He decided to break the silence. “What were you doing today Taehyung?” He asked.

“Huh! What? Nothing!” Taehyung nervously ranted.

Jungkook suspiciously looked at him. “Do you need me to get you a drink or something? Henny? Rosé? Beer?”

“No! I hate Rosé!! Why would you ask that?”

“You’re so weird hyung.” Jungkook said disgustingly looking at him.

“Says the one whose to busy looking at my sister to know what quarter of the football game were in.” Taehyung bantered.

“What can I say? She’s cute.”

“If you say so.” Taehyung groaned still not liking the idea of Jungkook being with his sister.

“Why don’t you get her to come over here? I’m tired of staring at the back of her head.” Jungkook complained.

“Why do I have to get her to come over? Aren’t you guys lovers or something.” He argued.

“Well, love is difficult. Just do as I say.” The younger boy said in a warning tone.

Taehyung rolled his eyes before throwing a empty beer can at her head.

The girl turned around and glared at Taehyung before throwing up a middle finger at him.

“Why did you do that? You could’ve hurt her.” Jungkook scolded punching Taehyung’s arm.

“It was empty! Now she will come over here just to get me back. Watch.”

They observed as Storm got up from her seat and made her way towards Taehyung.

She lightly slapped him on the face. “Why you throw that can at me idiot?!”

“Because your gigantic head was in the way.” He jokingly bantered. She rolled her eyes and embraced him in a long hug. When she released him she finally noticed Jungkook was beside him. He looked up and down at her with a confident smirk.

Taehyung looked at Jungkook staring. “Stop! You’re creeping her out.”

“I was already creeped out when his weasel Lance was following me around school all week.” Storm confessed.

Taehyung looked around the stadium for Lance. He thought he told Lance to stop.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about babe.” He lied.

“Sure you don’t.” She sarcastically replied.

“If I would’ve known you was attending I would’ve made this a second date.”

Jungkook could hear her heart rate speed up at the compliment as he smiled to himself with praise. She still liked him.

“If I would’ve known you were attending I would’ve made sure not to come.” She sassed earning an “oooo” from Taehyung.

“Why you saying “ooooo” Taehyung? You see fireworks outside or something?” He sarcastically remarked.

Storm sat down at the empty seat beside Taehyung. “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in days!” She asked.

“Oh I just went on a road trip to a nearby city to treat myself.” He lied earning a look from Jungkook. He also wondered where Taehyung was.

“And you didn’t invite me?” She asked.

“I don’t want to hear your annoying carpool karaoke.”

“Whatever! Your loss.”

“Ford is playing good but I don’t know if it’s enough to save the team. I don’t think Greenwood is going to win.” Taehyung observed.

“If they do win you owe me road trip out!” She challenged.

“If you’re really so confident how about if they loose you owe me another date?” Jungkook dared looking over to her.

“Didn’t I tell you to leave me alone!” She said raising her voice.

“If that was the case why did you sit over here?” He asked. Storm blushed in embarrassment not saying a word.

——————

Sofía sat behind the bleachers deep in thought. Tears fell down her eyes onto her jersey. Her shaking hands were buried to her face as she let out sobs.

Storm slowly approached her distressed figure. “Sofía why are you so sad? Greenwood won.” She informed her.

“I know, that’s why I’m sad. Is it bad that I hoped that he lost? I hoped that he was terrible out there.” She sobbed.

“Why?” Storm asked taking a seat beside her on the grass.

“They are drafting him to the NFL next year. There’s no nearby teams in this state. He’s going to move away and leave me. I can’t just switch colleges. We’ve been together two years and still no ring, no talks of me being with him in the future.” She ranted.

“Well what do you want?”

“I want him but I also care about my career also. I don’t know if I want to stop my education to follow him. I don’t know I’m so confused. He’s my home.”

“Home is something you can always go back to. You should talk to him and find a plan where you can both get what you want.” She advised.

Sofía nodded embracing her in a hug. She cryingly let out a laugh. “You know, you should take your own advice too.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Sitting near Jungkook half the game. It’s obvious you like him. For someone who don’t feel safe you sure like to be close to the danger.” Sofía giggled.

“I honestly don’t know. I know he’s bad news but I’m also kind of attracted to him. Lord, what am I saying!” She sighed.

“It’s ok, you can’t help who you’re attracted to. I had a crush on the Joker, Jack Harlow and even Nate Jacobs.”

“I could see Jacob Elordi but Nate Jacobs, really?” Storm judged.

————

Storm waited on the curb for her Uber driver to arrive. She patiently tapped her feet staring at the street.

She looked to her right as she saw Jungkook approaching her one last time today.

“Why are you here? Don’t you know Greenwood won? You’re not getting your little date.”

He chuckled. “I was just trying to be polite. I don’t need to ask for anything. I take what I want. You should know, you heard the stories from Jimin right?” He retorted.

She looked at him confused. “You know how teachers ask you to yell that you’re present in class even though you’re sitting right in front of their faces. I’ve been asking you on dates this whole time even though I know you’re already mine.”

He could hear her heartbeat rise, this time not of nervousness from his flirts but from fear.

“I-This have gone too far. You’re crazy. I’m begging you please find a hobby.”

“Too far?” He laughed. “This is just the beginning my love.”

He gently placed a kiss on her head before walking away. “Goodnight Storm, get home safe.”

chapter 012

[taliaaurora]

If You Loved Me, Why Did You Leave Me? (8) - It's Good To Be Back

Summary: Without telling anyone, Y/N comes back to Chicago. She and Casey have a lot to catch up on.

Word Counting: 2.9k

Warnings: smut, mdni 18+, implied sex, blowjob.

A/N: English is not my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistakes. I hope you have a nice day/night and enjoy the fic! 💕

Want to join my tag list? You can request it here! 🦋

Series Masterlist Previous Chapter

5 months later

Looking out the window, a fond smile appeared on your face as the streets of Chicago passed by your eyes. Leaning back on your seat, you took a deep breath and let your eyes flutter close. You never thought you could miss the sound of cars honking on the street, kids laughing uncontrollably as they played in the park, dogs barking non-stop... You didn't know you could miss being in a place with so much noise but yet you did.

The taxi driver tried to make small talk, but you couldn't pay less attention. Your mind was too busy thinking about the people you haven't seen for more than six months.

Climbing out of the taxi, the driver helped you with your bags and you made your way to Severide's apartment. Since you've put your apartment for rent during the time you were gone, you needed somewhere to crash while you got your place back.

Pressing your finger on the doorbell, you waited a few seconds before you heard heavy footsteps approaching the door.

As Severide opened the door his body froze, his eyes widened and his jaw fell open.

"Oh, my god!" The shock was quickly replaced with excitement. He wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you off the ground, spinning you around. "What are you doing here?!" He spoke against the crook of your neck.

With your arms wrapped around his neck, you were beaming, not being able to take the smile off your face. There weren't any words that you could use to describe how much you missed this man.

"I thought you were coming back tomorrow!" He exclaimed, putting you down before grabbing your bags and leading you inside the apartment.

"Yeah, I thought that too, but they cleared me sooner than I expected." You explained, plopping on the couch.

"No way!!" You heard Shay's loud voice coming from upstairs. "Is that who I think it is??" She wondered, walking down the stairs. Her eyes were widened and her hand was covering her mouth.

You turned around and looked at her, trying your best not to cry at the sight in front of you. In the blink of an eye, Shay ran towards you and threw herself next to you on the couch. Wrapping her arms around your neck, she left kisses all over your head.

"You have no idea how much I missed you!" She whispered in your hair, giving you a crushing hug.

"I missed you too." You whispered back, sniffling.

Severide took a seat next to you and joined the hug. "I have to admit, I really missed this." He chuckled, blinking away the tears.

After what felt like hours, Severide broke apart and stood up from the couch.

"C'mon." He said, taking your bags in his hands. "Let's get you settled on Shay's bedroom. Why don't you take a warm shower while we make something for you to eat?" He asked, walking up the stairs.

"Oh, god! That's exactly what I need right now." You let out a short laugh and slipped out of Shays's hold, following Severide.

"I'll make you pancakes!" Shay exclaimed, quickly getting up from the couch and making her way to the kitchen.

After a long warm shower, you went to the kitchen and found Shay and Severide cooking. You leaned on the counter with a fond smile and watched them playing around with each other. You missed them so much.

"So.." Shay turned to you. "Do you have any plans for tonight?" She asked, raising a brow.

You walked to the fridge and took a bottle of water in your hands. "Yeah, I do, actually." You said, before drinking the cold liquid.

She and Severide looked at each other with a smirk on their faces. "Oh, really?" She raised a brow to you and grinned. "Tell me more."

You felt your cheeks burning. "I'm...maybe...going to Casey's place tonight.."

Shay's mouth fell open. "No way!? What??" she asked excitedly, leaning her back on the counter.

"Yeah, but it's no big deal." You said, taking a plate full of pancakes and sitting on the table. "I mean, we have a lot to talk about. So that's what I'm planning to do."

"Uh-hum, talk..." Severide let a short laugh fall from his lips and took a sit by your side. "Does he know you're back?" He asked, before taking a mouthful of pancake.

You shook your head. "No, I didn't tell anyone. I'm just going to show up at his door and let the universe decides the rest." You answered, before continuing to eat your pancake.

"I don't know if Kelly told you, but there's been a small change in the firehouse." Shay stated, taking a seat across from you at the table.

"Really? How so?" You wondered, leaning back on your chair.

"Don't ask me for details, but Dawson is not a paramedic anymore. Apparently, she wants to be a firefighter." Shay spoke, resting her arms on top of the table and studying your face. "She's in the Academy."

Your eyes widened and you raised your brows at the new information. "What? So she's not gonna be on my ass anymore!?" The confusion turned into excitement and a huge grin appeared on your face. "Oh, wow! Do you guys have any champagne?? We gotta celebrate this!" You rambled excitedly, earning a laugh from Shay and Severide.

Once your stomach was finally full, you went up to Shay's bedroom and changed into some comfortable clothes. Laying on her bed, you let out a loud sigh. It's been six months since you slept on a normal bed. Closing your eyes and letting your muscles relax, you fell into a deep sleep.

-/-/-

Turning on the bed, you glanced at your phone and noticed it was only 20:12. Getting up, you changed your clothes and then exited the apartment. Leaving the building and entering the garage, you realized that the rain was pouring heavily outside. Thankfully, Severide had kept your car in his garage during the time you were out.

As you drove through the streets of Chicago, the rain hit your windshield, so you turned up the music on the radio and let your thoughts wander to the man you were about to see.

It's been six months since you've seen Casey. Since then, a few things have changed. Five months ago, he confessed his love for you. He wrote a letter telling you that he was in love with you and would wait for you to come back so you could be together. But did he really mean that? Is he still waiting for you or has he found somebody else?

You needed to know. These questions have been eating you inside.

During your six months apart, you thought about Casey a lot. Just because he sent you a letter confessing his love for you, it didn't change the fact that he doubted you, that he chose Dawson's word over yours. It didn't change the fact that he hurt you. You couldn't just forget about what happened. But since he realized he made a mistake and he apologized, maybe you could work something out.

Now that Dawson was out of the picture, maybe you could leave the past behind you. You couldn't fool yourself, you loved Casey. If he had asked you to stay six months ago, you would have. You've been through a lot during your whole life, if this was your chance of having a happy ending then you were going to take it.

Pulling up to Casey's house, you parked behind his truck. Taking some deep breaths to calm your nerves, you exited the car and faced the rain. Running to his doorstep, the cold droplets of water met your skin and a shiver ran down your spine.

You knocked on his door and waited for a few seconds, but no one answered. Trying to peek inside the living room, you noticed that a light was still on, so he probably was home. You didn't come all the way here to chicken out, so you knocked again and kept knocking repeatedly until someone would answer the door.

Casey opened the door and stared at you. He was frozen in place, mouth slightly opened, as you stood in his doorway. He had fallen asleep on the couch until the irritating sound of the doorbell disturbed him from his slumber. Although, seeing you in front of him, Casey wasn’t sure if he had awakened at all. He lost count of how many times you appeared in his dreams.

"Hey." You whispered, smiling.

As the cold breeze brushed your exposed, wet skin, you shivered. A flash of lightning brought Casey out of his trance and he noticed you were real, not a figment of his imagination. Opening the door a little further, he stepped aside so you could come in.

“When did you get back?” He asked, closing the door behind you.

“Today.” You answered, entering the living room. As your eyes roamed over the room, you noticed the beer bottles on the coffee table along with the empty containers of take-out. You wouldn’t have thought much of it if you were somewhere else, but this was Casey’s house, he was a clean-freak. Casey loved cooking and rarely ate take-out, so he must be going through something.

As he followed you to the living room, Casey’s eyes traveled across your body and he noticed you were wet from standing in the rain.

“Make yourself at home. I’ll see if I can find something for you to change. If you keep those wet clothes on you’ll freeze.” He said, making his way upstairs.

Nodding your head, you nervously bit the inside of your cheek. The sight of the trash discarded across the room was bothering you, so you grabbed a trash bag in the kitchen and cleaned it up. Once you were finished, you stood in the middle of the living room, afraid you would soak the couch with your wet clothes if you sit on it.

As Casey walked down the stairs with some clothes in his hands, he took notice of the missing bottles and containers. His cheeks blushed with embarrassment.

“Here you go.” He handed you the clothing, his lips curving slightly into a smile. “You can go change in the guest room while I make us some coffee if you’d like.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” You smiled back, taking the clothes from his hands.

Putting on a pair of gray sweatpants and a CFD shirt, you looked at your reflection in the mirror and smiled. You could smell Casey’s cologne impregnated in the fabric.

Going back to the living room, you took a seat on the couch and watched Casey as he entered the room carrying one mug in each hand. Taking one mug from his hand, you thanked him, flashing a smile.

“So…” He took a seat next to you, your knees touching due to the short but comfortable distance. “How was California?” He asked before taking a sip from his coffee.

“It was great, really.” You nodded, keeping your gaze on the hot mug in your hands while tears threatened to form in your eyes. “But I missed Chicago.” You whispered.

After a short moment of silence, Casey spoke. “I missed you.” He whispered back.

Sniffling, you shifted on the couch so you were facing him. “I think we should talk...about us.” You said, looking in his eyes.

“Yeah, I think that too.” Casey nodded his head.

“I’m not gonna lie, Matt, deep down I’m still hurt about everything that happened.” You said softly. “But I don’t wanna let the past ruin my future.” Looking down, you licked your lips, feeling the strong taste of coffee on your tongue, and put a strand of hair behind your ear. “The things you said on that letter you sent me, did you mean it?” You asked, meeting his eyes.

“Every word.” He nodded. “Y/N, I was an idiot for the way I treated you. I can’t make any excuse about what happened, the only thing I can do is apologize, and I’ll do that over and over again until you feel like you’re ready to forgive me.” He placed his mug on the coffee table and clasped his hands together.

You stood there in silence, letting him speak.

“When you told me that you were in love with me, I felt...shocked. I didn’t realize this until you left, but I was in love with you too. The only reason I had something with Dawson was that I wanted to get you off my mind, I thought that you would always see me as your friend and I would never stand a chance with you. When I realized that I screwed everything up, I tried to fix it but you were already gone. And as you probably already noticed, my life turned upside down. I'm not the same without you here, Y/N.”

As you listened to his words, your eyes welled up with tears. Putting the mug aside, you took his hand, caressing his knuckles with your thumb, and looked into his eyes.

“Can we leave this whole thing in the past and start from scratch? Just you and me?” You asked.

Casey nodded his head as a smile plastered on his face. “Yeah...we can take things slow and-”

“Please, no.” You interrupted him, shaking your head. “I can’t wait anymore.” Leaning forward, you captured his lips in a gentle kiss.

Surprised, Casey took a moment to realize what was happening. Cupping your face, he kissed you back. Both of you were pouring all your love into the kiss.

What was a gentle kiss became a steamy make-out session. Casey grabbed you by the waist and pulled you on his lap, letting you straddle him.

"You have no idea how much I missed you." He whispered, smiling against your skin as he left a trail of kisses down your neck.

Pulling on his hair, you made him lift his head. Once your eyes locked, you licked your lips and whispered. "Show me. Show me how much you missed me." His eyes went dark with lust.

Taking you to his bedroom, he threw you on his bed and hovered over you, loving you the whole night. He showed you how much he missed you while the sound of the rain hitting the window muffled your moans and the words "I love you" fell from your parted lips.

-/-/-

Stretching your legs under the covers, you turned on your side and was met by the most beautiful sight you could've ever seen. The bright sunlight peeking from the curtains hit Casey's sleeping form. His arm was wrapped around your waist, holding you tight so you couldn't leave him, again.

As your lips curved into a big smile, you ran your fingertips up and down his toned chest. Feeling a trail of soft kisses on his skin, Casey stirred in his sleep.

"Morning, lieutenant." You whispered, playfully.

Slowly opening his eyes, Casey looked at you and smiled. "Please, tell me I'm not dreaming."

"You're not." You chuckled, caressing his cheek. "I'm right here and I do not intend on leaving you, never again."

Taking your hand from his cheek, he planted a soft kiss on your palm and met your eyes. "I love you." He whispered, smiling.

"I love you too." You whispered back, grinning from ear to ear, and captured his lips in a passionate kiss. "Now is my turn to show you how much I missed you." You whispered against his lips.

As you kissed him again, your hand slid down his body until you felt his hard member lying against his stomach. Bringing your hand back up, you looked him in the eyes as you licked your palm, then wrapped it around his cock and pumped it a few times.

As a hiss fell through his lips, Casey closed his eyes and threw his head back. The feeling of your wet hand over his sensitive cock was enough to make his chest rise and fall rapidly.

After leaving a trail of wet kisses over his abs, you brushed the tip of your tongue over his length, earning a groan from the lieutenant. Smirking, you licked him again but used your whole tongue, flat against his cock. His hand found its way on your hair, pulling it lightly.

Wrapping one hand around his length, you pumped it a few times before slowly taking him in your mouth. Casey groaned again as he felt your mouth embracing his cock, his tip hitting the back of your throat.

“Fuck, Y/N. You feel so good wrapping my cock like that.” He moaned.

Bobbing your head up and down, you quickened your pace as your hand played with his balls. Feeling his cock twitching in your mouth, you took the chance to hollow your cheeks, sucking even deeper.

As Casey heard you gagging, he felt a wave of euphoria wash all over him. He wouldn’t last long.

“Oh my god, Y/N...” He praised. “Don't stop!”

As you used your tongue to draw circles on his cock, his grip on your hair got tighter and he started to thrust his hips forward. With a loud groan, Casey spilled himself inside your mouth.

Sucking his cock one more time, you swallowed his cum and crawled back up, looking into his eyes as you licked your lips clean. Putting a strand of hair behind your ear, Casey smiled.

“I didn’t know you could do that with your tongue…” He confessed, panting.

A small chuckle fell from your lips and you kissed him one more time.

“Well...there’s a lot of things I can do with my tongue, and you will have plenty of time to find out.” You whispered, snuggling next to him and resting your cheek against his chest.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------Feel free to send me some feedback and tell me what you think about this chapter! If you want to be added to the tag list, let me know!

Matt Casey tag list: @twistnet @angelsjedi @nocturnalherb16 @keabbs @kamepty @wanniiieeee @dedlund82 @mrspeacem1nusone @drakelover78 @mrspeacem1nusone @graniairish @junevoidzombie @unknowntoyou2205@afriendlyneighborhoodhufflepuff @sunflowergurl98

[whatthefuckisasweep]

(@/larosaescarlata's main here!) 2, 7, 27 and 31 for the assassin ask!!

Hello beloved mutual! Thank you for asking me :)

2: Favorite playable character

Connor/Ratonhnhake:ton all the way in terms of story and character! He's what I think is the embodiment of a true assassin, a kind soul, and great representation. He's just my favorite AC character overall. In other words, please feel free to talk to me about Connor Kenway at all times. I will go off if allowed xD

7: OTP?

Altmalmar, Altmar, Altmal! I don't really ship much things that hard in AC, but I really like them. I also love a lot of Jacob ships like Fryeddy and RothFrye (don't get mad at me for this, I like the potential of their dynamic and I don't claim it to be healthy). EzioLeo and HayZiio are also really cute too!

27: A game that deserves a sequel?

AC III / Rogue / Unity, easy. I mean, come on. Arno and Connor should have teamed up at some point, and maybe Shay could cameo. I want to see them in old age and their dynamic, even though it will never happen. : (

31: If you were given the chance, whose memories would you explore in the Animus?

Honestly... My own ancestors? I think it'd be sick to see where my ancestors were and what they did. I'm Chinese, so already that'd be a lot of rich history that I could see and go through.

Thank you for askin' again : ) anyone else wanna askie the post is here

[tiredassmage]

2. Does your character have a deep and/or dark secret? If so, what is it?

I am so sorry this one has sat in my inbox so long, but I have been so back and forth on how to answer it. So, I've been staring at the whole time basically going >:/ lol.

Shay would seem like the one to pick on because he has that whole broody, dark secrets thing going on as just a vibe, but I think he's finally run his course on most of his biggest ones by Shadowbringers, so I've already wrung those out of him on the blog, which left me trying to pick on one of my other kids. And I'm still not 100% about how much I like the answer for the question, but nothing new has come up in my debates over it, so..

I'll put this under a cut for a caution warning for suicidal thoughts & survivor's guilt and related struggles.

While I don't think Bas necessarily considers it a secret, he also don't really talk about it. This sort of wiggles itself out in a semi-recent ficlet I did for him and his friend Peregrine here, but he stops short of actually admitting to the full extent of his survivor's guilt.

Bas was on the field for Dalmasca during the bloody push for takeover by the Garlean Empire and managed to survive his wounds sustained in battle, but found himself in Imperial gaol instead. He wondered a lot of things - why they'd even keep him alive when they'd slaughtered so many others, when they'd made examples of resistance leaders, what they might want out of keeping him alive... In the beginning, he swore to himself he wouldn't turn on his kin and countrymen.

It's always easy in the beginning...

Ultimately, he ended up as one of the few survivors from various resistance movements the Empire tortured and coerced into becoming part of a small unit of experimental soldiers. In Bas's case, this meant he learned the ways of the Reapers - though it would probably be more accurate to say he was forcibly bonded to a voidsent and has had to live with it ever since - adapt and cooperate or die.

He says the mantra that kept him fighting through all of this was that dying would have brought shame to his former comrades in the resistance. And he believed it for a good while, too. When that first entered his mind, he believed it would have been a disgrace to give in to their oppressors without a fight.

But the stain of all that blood on his hands in the name of the Empire that followed weighs heavy on him, and he struggles with whether or not it was just an excuse meant to make the burden of breaking to their demands easier. He has managed to escape their chains and their orders, yet he still fights with the skills they taught him. At times, he reasons its because it gives him an undeniably strong skill set to draw upon that can now, hopefully, be used for some good, and he cannot justify dropping something that will give him an edge like that just because its past and origins isn't pretty.

But it doesn't stop the pain. As the poets say, all that blood was never pretty. It was just red. And it's made him feel like a traitor - to everything they ever fought for, for all of their ideals, hopes, and dreams.

There are times he doesn't believe he should be alive. He lost so many friends and comrades... it isn't right that he wasn't with them until the bitter end. And noble words and promises of seeing the brighter tomorrow they all wanted don't always help.

But Bas also treats himself as a soldier. Having escaped from the Empire and found a destiny in Eorzea fighting for its future, he sees these struggles as his own burdens, and he's not sure he's really close enough to anyone else for them to understand, or for him to feel enough trust to lay himself that bare.

It's a slow, dawning realization of how alone he's really been all of his years in the Empire, and the several years that have followed his escape. He still hesitates to let anyone in too close, fearing their fate too closely tied to his if the Empire ever found its loosed war hound and decided to make him pay his dues. He has enough blood on his hands as it is. He doesn't want to see more of it - especially from friends.