#in your free lesson spaces that you got because of reasons

[tatsumi-rin]

Moral Orel doesn't seem 100% like a show I'd feel seen in if you don't know me but then I remember the episode with the special ed kids and underneath the usual satire on extremist bible belt religion it reminds me WAY too much of how actual special ed departments treated me and other kids growing up.

Like the writers must HAVE BEEN THERE IN LIFE, man. I'd kill to sit down with Dino Stamatopoulos and find out what the fuck inspired him and the other writing staff that day.

[ozzgin]

Ozz! I'm trying to get into drawing, but I'm absolutely horrid at it and have no idea where to begin. Do you have any tips for beginners? Also, what program do you use? I've heard Krita is good, have you heard of it?

Also, also, remember to hydrate properly and get a good amount of sleep and do lots of self-care! <33 we love you and your content; you make the world a brighter place ^^

~ 🐇

If you want to start from the very bottom, there's a website where the first lesson is drawing a line, quite literally. It builds your confidence with basic shapes, then moves on to more complex topics like textures, shapes in space, construction of real life objects and so on.

I've had it in my bookmarks for...gosh, years now. I should definitely pick it up again, haha.

I also follow Alphonso Dunn on YouTube, he has hundreds of art tutorials and exercises.

As for software, I briefly used Krita years ago and it was nice! It had a very easy interface and the brushes worked well if you wanted to reproduce traditional art. The only reason I didn't stick to it was because I already had PaintTool SAI and Photoshop at the time. When I got my first graphic tablet, I started with Paint.NET, though it was very simplistic.

The general consensus online seems to be Krita for painting or MediBang if you're into drawing anime. In terms of paid software, I think Clip Studio Paint is very popular and has a lot of resources, from brushes to 3D models. Photoshop is classic, but it can be overwhelming if you're new to digital art.

I personally use Procreate because it came with my iPad and it has a very simple menu. Some professional illustrators say it lacks the advanced options you'd find in other programs, and I do agree it may not be enough if you want to go beyond merely drawing. To add text and make small edits, I'll put the doodle through Photoshop, for example.

Free software: Krita, MediBang, Gimp, KRESKA.art (no installation required)

Paid software: PaintTool SAI, Adobe Photoshop, Procreate, Clip Studio Paint

If anyone has more suggestions or tips, feel free to drop them in the comments!

[httpuckdrop]

ashes – day 65

series masterlist

the signs were clear. crunchy, icy leaves under your feet, snowflakes flowing from the sky to create a light layer of snow to cover the ground before melting away the next day, the temperature dropping and allowing you to wear cute sweaters and thicker jackets.

winter was here.

december was never one of your favorite months. the cold was not something you enjoyed – unless you got to spend your days in bed, wrapped in a thick blanket with a cup of hot chocolate in your hands. thus, going to "jack's little hockey rink", as you called it, a room filled with ice where you'd be freezing all evening, was not on your bucket list.

however, of course you were curious to see what it was he spent most of his time doing and thinking about. so that one evening in december, you made your way over to where he was going to play – and it didn't take you long to realize how unfitting your choice of words to describe it had been.

you'd only been to hockey once or twice in your youth, when friends had games and anyone could come to watch for free. but this was about to be something entirely different.

first sign: the ticket prices you saw on a board outside the arena had you in disbelief of how many people were still there queuing to go inside. how could they all afford it? how were you going to be able to afford it? jenny and anna thankfully assured you that you wouldn't have to pay; jack had written your name on the list by the vip entrance, and everything was completely free of charge.

second sign: the arena was huge, and despite it being such a big space, the roars of the crowd were completely deafening whenever things went down on the ice. they really knew how to amuse a crowd, these devils.

third sign: this game was apparently very important, judging from how emotional the players seemed to get – and what that resulted in.

someone had told you beforehand about the weight of tonight's game, in the terms of "just a normal sports rivalry" and "a local derby like any other", as if the words 'normal' and 'like any other' were even in your vocabulary when it came to hockey. you found out more exactly what that meant even before the end of the first period, though.

apparently, the devils vs rangers games are a classic – and apparently, fighting is a big deal during these games. when the second period ended, a total of eight players had already been sent to the penalty boxes for fighting, and you hoped that maybe they had learned their lesson.

apparently not.

the devils were already clear to win, with a three-goal lead and less than a minute left to play. with you and the girls seated in some kind of box at the top of the stadium, it was difficult to see who was who down there – they all looked like little ants, and it was impossible to even make out the numbers on the jerseys – but in some way, you managed to catch the fact that jack scored not just once but twice. (maybe you caught it a few moments after said goals, but that wasn't as important)

in the same way you couldn't see him, jack couldn't see you from down on the ice, either. but just knowing that you were up there somewhere, to watch him and only him, made him all fuzzy and want to play even better than before.

you also couldn't instantly catch the reason behind why the teams were soon caught in yet another brawl, this time with more or less everyone on the ice joining in, but your jaw dropped when you glanced up at the jumbotron to see the replay – because jack was one of the fighters.

you had to really squint your eyes to make sure it actually was him; but there was no doubt about those sweet, brown doe eyes, his long hair with that curl at the tips, that cute nose you'd traced with your fingertips about a million times.

you weren't sure how to react. was this a regular thing? that sweet, kindhearted jack you'd come to know over these past months… was he the type of adrenaline junkie that went out of his way to find a guy to fistfight during games? was he actually someone else than the person you thought you knew?

that feeling followed you like a thorn in your side for the following hour as you watched the rest of the match and then went with jenny to wait in some basement corridor for jack. however, always the social butterfly, it didn't take long for jenny to find some player she apparently knew from high school and have him show her around the secret spaces of the arena.

you felt uneasy and a little nauseous, but a kind of nausea that didn't quite reach your mouth and instead just lingered in the air around you. thankfully, it toned off quite a bit when he emerged from a door down the hallway, his eyes instantly finding yours and a smile meeting his lips.

jack's hair was still wet, dripping from the tips – from a shower and not sweat, you hoped – but he looked surprisingly put-together in his slacks (ironed by you this morning, in fact) and the black coat hanging down to the middle of his thighs, with a gray beanie to top it off.

his hand found your hip easily, his other hand dropping his duffel bag to the floor before reaching for your side, too – like a magnet, he couldn't manage standing so close to you and not touch you. "how was that?" he asked, genuinely curious to know what you thought of his game.

"i'm glad you won," you answered, instinctively reaching up to fix his collar that was bent the wrong way. "but i didn't understand much, to be honest."

this lured out a chuckle from him and he leaned down, lips pressing against your temple. "you'll learn."

"do you usually fight?" the words slipped from your lips before you could stop them, or even think them through. you just needed to know.

he didn't seem bothered nor surprised, not even the slightest. it was as if he had expected this. "no," he said, and you believed him instantly. that was all it took. "only sometimes when we play against these guys. but usually not even then." you remained silent, just nodding and searching his eyes for any hint of dishonesty. "i didn't want to, i promise. but with the way he attacked nico, i… i had to step in."

"you trying to make yourself a hero instead of a fighter, huh?" you teased, your hand reaching up to squeeze his upper arm. "i get it. i think."

"i know you do," he replied, hands dragging slowly up and down your sides as he leaned down again, this time to kiss your forehead. "you're a smart girl."

his hands slipped away from your frame as a new group of boys exited the door, all slapping jack's shoulder and congratulating him on a good match on their way out. the last one of the bunch stayed a little longer. "we still on for lunch tomorrow?" the guy asked. he was a little taller but a little younger than jack, and as he spoke, his gaze was stuck on you as if trying to figure you out. something seemed to click in his brain because soon his gaze was flickering between you and jack, eyebrows raised. "is this…"

jack nodded, a secure hand reaching for your lower back and his eyes landing on you. "this is my younger brother, luke," he explained, his free hand motioning over to the boy.

the brother held his hand out for you, and you took it gladly. "it's good to meet you," he said, a big smile decorating his face. "i've heard a lot about you."

something fluttered in your chest at that. "same for you," you told him, giving his hand a shake before pulling back.

"only bad, i suppose," he said with a shrug, earning a slap on his shoulder from jack.

you laughed, shaking your head. "definitely not." you turned your gaze up to jack again. "he's not the one who ripped your braces off, right?"

the same cackle came from both boys, the similarity in their looks almost frightening at this point. "no, that was quinn," jack answered, shaking his head. "good old times."

jack turned back to his brother, addressing the former subject, and you found yourself just listening in – yet also feeling like you were a part of it. you always found it so easy to slip away, be ignored, or zone out whenever you were around new people. but jack kept his hand on your back, luke looked at you whenever he cracked a joke as if to get a sense of your humor, and they both tried to convince you to join them tomorrow despite how many times you explained that you were busy.

you couldn't help thinking…

maybe you could get used to this.

[starlightopal]

Ekko and Viktor

I wonder what things would have been like if Viktor got to see Ekko's mind. If Viktor saw the community Ekko built, the people he helped, that the corruption of the Arcane was killing the tree. The lessons Ekko learns about breaking free from the imperfection of the present moment would have helped Viktor.

Instead Viktor is caught up in the "recursive impulse" that's become his "charge", "potential", his motivation moving forward. He's in the same death spiral in thought that his body has been in. It's suicide; being unable to see past the cycling patterns that have already occurred and unable to imagine what could be.

Jayce, Viktor, Jinx they get stuck in the same moment, cycling through the same thought that has grown so strong that it's running itself and effortless to reason through. They're stuck living the same moment and that is death. The Hexcore "thinks" in the same way and kills without shimmer.

Every suicide scene is broken with a distraction, by breaking the cycle.

"Actually, yes, but only because you signed your notes. Every page, I might add. Eh, a little egotistical, don't you think?" "Remember the Distinguished Innovators competition?" "Always a dance with you"

There's only two ways the cycle breaks - death or distraction from the cycling thought. There was a time when Viktor knew how to do this. He has the first scene talking Jayce away from the ledge. Maybe not actively dying gave him the mental space to be able to do so.

Once he's merged with the Hexcore, his ability to imagine is lost. His creations all come out of Sky's notebook. The Hexcore can only look into the past or existing conditions, it can't create, it can't build anything new.

"That device can't be"

The more Viktor dies, the more he loses his humanity - his dreaming and transforms physically. But the physical transformations are not change, are not embracing possibility but an evolution of the existing conditions. When Jayce (his inventive partner) shoots him, the gear (from Jinx - also a creative, an inventor) - the thing used to build and create falls out of his hands and he understands the message hidden within the pattern - the cycles of violence humanity is forever caught up in. The violence that puts a hold on dreaming, that stops art.

He'll remain trapped in the horror of that thought until Ekko comes along. Ekko is anti- Helrald Viktor. Ekko's powers are driven by change and possibility. Ekko can break Viktor out of his recursive impulses. While Jayce can balance out/ pull back Viktor (for better and worse) - resonate with Viktor, Ekko can break him out.

Ekko and Viktor would have been too powerful together.

[rea-grimm]

Magical Treasure

It is said that the temple at Kamar-Taj is defended by a dragon. As an apprentice of the High Wizard, you have access to almost everywhere. What happens when you find out it's not just local gossip, but the truth?

Kamar-Taj has become your new home. Stephen took you there after he saved you from an angry griffon that attacked your village. Maybe it was a little your fault he was so angry. You snuck into his nest and stole the only egg he had.

The sale of such an egg should have provided you with the money you needed for your family. The family you lost that day.

You didn't know what the wizard saw in you to bring you along, but you were glad. It made your hopes for life increase many times over. Plus the magic, martial arts, and all that life had to offer there instantly captivated you.

What you achieved there was not the commonplace that others thought. They might have thought that because you were living in the room next to Stephen, and that was not the norm for a novice.

Plus, the wizard gave you extra lessons from time to time, and overall you had a better relationship with him than with the others. Although you couldn't deny that you had a soft spot for the wizard ever since he saved you.

Still, there was a certain mystery surrounding him. One of them was the fact that he regularly disappeared for a week every month. If anyone asked him the reason, he'd go to another temple for a check-up or have to deal with the Avengers or something.

The second biggest secret was about the shrine itself. It was true that there was a cave underneath the building that absolutely everyone was forbidden to go anywhere near on pain of banishment and loss of memories.

There were rumours that the Kamar-Taj treasure was hidden in the cave, along with the most powerful artifacts of the land, but guarded by a terrible dragon. Dragons were particularly rare and unspeakably powerful creatures. However, none of this has been confirmed and remains in myth and whispers.

Stephen was again on his weekly visit to another sanctuary. You were practicing outside in the courtyard and you could hear the others whispering about the cave. As they were discussing it, you noticed that your name came up.

As soon as there was a break, a group of the biggest rascals swarmed around you. You were sure they were the ones talking about the cave.

"Hey, Y/N, what do you know about the cave under the shrine?" One of them asked you.

"Just that it's there," you shrugged. Sure, you wondered about it too, but Stephen had forbidden you from even going near the place several times.

"Really? Cool! Were you there?" someone else asked. You shook your head. This disappointed him.

It didn't take too long for them to try to convince you to go there. You tried to resist them, but eventually, they convinced you since you had the best opportunity to do so.

That night, you put on a cloak that made you invisible. At least to a certain extent. It was more like the light itself was rejecting the existence of the cloak, making you invisible to the normal eye.

Of course, you brought your phone with you. You must have documented it, right? But to avoid giving yourself away, you put it on vibrate.

Usually, the only one who could catch you out of the room at night was Stephen, but since he wasn't here, you had a free space. Still, you were careful not to get caught.

Through the secret passage, you descended the stone staircase to the cave entrance. You could still go back. You could pretend you were never here. But now you were curious, too. And when you got this far, you didn't want to come back empty-handed.

You pulled your cloak closer to your body and entered the cave. The narrow passageway soon opened up and you felt as if you had walked through a portal to somewhere else. The ceiling was so high you could fly. The ceiling was lined with ornate columns that were interconnected.

After a few steps, the floor was replaced by a sea of gold that formed high mountains in places. You walked on, and after a few meters, you noticed a red scale in the sea of gold, which must have belonged to some large reptile. You picked it up off the ground and examined it before pocketing it. This would make a perfect souvenir.

You then decided to climb up a golden hill and look around. You wondered how big it was. It seemed like a good idea at first, as the view was definitely worth it.

Your eyes fell on a giant red dragon with golden limbs sleeping a few meters in front of you. You wanted to lean over to see better, but you forgot how unstable the surface you were on was.

You swallowed a scream as the gold sank beneath you and you slid down the slide. You were too close to the dragon now, and you prayed he wouldn't notice and keep sleeping.

You scrambled to your feet as quietly as you could as everything around you shook and the dragon awoke. He opened his giant eyes and darted his gaze around for whoever had disturbed him from his slumber.

"Who dares to wake me up?" The dragon thundered. You shook like a leaf in the wind and gritted your teeth to keep quiet. He didn't seem to have noticed you yet, so you slowly made your way away to the nearest pillar that led to a small window in the wall.

"Where are you, thief?" The dragon asked again. His voice sounded familiar, but you didn't have time to think about it. You felt a coin move under your leg and suddenly the dragon's gaze was on you.

"I know you're here. There's no point in hiding," he said before a cloud of black smoke came out of his nostrils. Except you hid behind a pillar and tied a scarf over your nose. You could feel the smoke stinging your eyes, but you refused to give up.

You started to climb the pillar when the dragon headed in your direction. Fortunately, you were already at the top when the dragon leaned into the pillar. You grabbed on tighter to keep from falling.

The dragon growled something, but you couldn't hear it over the beating of your own stampeding heart. You scrambled across the narrow joint before you reached the window and slipped out.

You were on the very other side of the sanctuary, where the patrols regularly came. It was dangerous, but it was still better than being down there with the dragon. From there, you simply made your way back to your room. You had no idea how tired you were until you got into bed.

The next day, during a break, you met up with the group from yesterday and told them about your experience. You even showed them a scale and let them touch it. To your shock, none of them believed you. They thought it sounded too crazy.

That pissed you off. You took the scale back and walked away from them. You didn't talk to them again. You didn't need this.

About three days later, Stephen came back. Everyone was surprised to see him back because he wasn't due back for another five days. But you always preferred him to be around.

Later that evening, Stephen called you to his place. You had no idea what he wanted, but you had an idea. The scale you'd made into a pendant weighed on your neck like a weight.

You walked up the stairs and looked around for it. You walked through the library until you found him reading a book. You knocked on the bookcase and said hello. Stephen put the book down and measured you with his eyes.

"I have to say, I'm disappointed in you. You know very well that the cave under the shrine is off-limits," he said sternly. You swallowed and looked into his eyes.

"I know," you said, having to concentrate as hard as you could to stay calm. "I wasn't there either," you replied so calmly that no one could doubt your innocence. Stephen moved closer to you and sighed.

"I would have believed you if I hadn't found this. You didn't miss it, did you?" He asked, handing your phone from the small table there. You knew you'd lost it, but you had no idea where. You were about to open your mouth to say something smart when he stopped you.

"Think before you answer. Besides your phone that I found in the cave, I see you took a souvenir from there. Dragon scales don't exactly roll freely around the sanctuary," and he pointed to the scale glistening on your chest.

You knew there was no point in continuing to deny it, so you confessed. You told him about how you'd discussed it in group and how you couldn't overcome your curiosity.

Defeated, your head down, you awaited your punishment. There was silence between you for a long time until Stephen sighed and walked closer to you.

"I won't punish you for this," he said indulgently, placing a hand on your shoulder. You looked at him hesitantly. "You're lucky you weren't hurt. But now that you know the danger that lurks there, I hope you won't go there again," he said expectantly.

You didn't believe your voice and you didn't even have words, so you just nodded your head in agreement. You still couldn't look him in the eye though. It weighed on your body that you had let him down like that. Stephen took you lightly by the chin and lifted your head.

"It's not that you went there, it's that you could have gotten hurt," he said gently, running his thumb over your cheek.

"I'm sorry..." you said weakly, feeling the tears burning in your eyes.

"Don't cry," he said gently, wrapping his arms around you. You felt his cloak wrap around you as well. You hugged him back, letting his closeness comfort you.

When you pulled away, much calmer now, you thought you heard an almost animalistic growl from his throat. But it was such a muffled and brief sound that you blamed it on your imagination.

Over the next few days, you began to notice a few unusual things about Stephen. For example, the black circles under his eyes, where he looked as if he hadn't slept in a week. You knew he didn't like to show his hands, but he'd learned not to wear gloves so much. He used to wear them only occasionally, but now he's started wearing them 24 hours a day.

You expected him to go on another mission or visit another shrine in a month, but not even a week had passed and he had already informed you of his upcoming absence.

"Do you really have to leave?" You asked him, not realizing how sad you sounded.

"It's my job," he replied. Then you had to promise him that you wouldn't go to the cave in his absence. When you promised, he kissed you on the forehead before disappearing through the portal.

Everything went smoothly for the first few days. You felt like everything had gone back to the way it was.

After three days off, the group that first persuaded you to go to the cave gathered around you. They knew you had a conversation with Strange about it. It finally made them realize you were telling the truth.

Now they wanted you to take them to the cave. You automatically refused. You already let Stephen down once, and you made him a promise. Plus, you didn't want to put them in the unnecessary danger the dragon posed.

You were about to bypass them and go about your business when one of them used a spell on you, causing you to stop instantly and be unable to move.

With you tied up like that, they used another spell to force you to lead them to the dragon's cave. You didn't have much choice in the matter, so you took them there. You went through the secret entrance, up the stairs to the entrance of the cave. You stopped there.

Some of them looked around, wondering if that was enough. You were hoping they'd leave you here. Then you wouldn't have broken your promise.

But the leader of the party decided otherwise. You were still under his spell, and at his command, you walked through the gate and they followed you.

Inside, mountains of gold greeted you. Still, you walked on, influenced by the spell. You couldn't stop until you led them to the dragon. Only then were you ordered to stop. You wanted to keep going, to run away, but your muscles were wrapped in magical chains that prevented you from doing so.

Slowly, you managed to clench your hands into fists, but you could move no more. It must have taken an incredible amount of energy just to do that.

"Hey, look what I found!" shouted one of the group, who had only just noticed the dragon and whose voice echoed through the cave until the gold shivered. They all froze at that moment, and their gaze fell on the lizard. 

The dragon finally awoke from its slumber, opened its blue-grey eyes, and raised its head from the ground. He already looked majestic and menacing at the same time. You could feel him looking you over. 

"Who dares to wake me?" His voice boomed until the floor shook beneath you. Several of the other wizards hid behind you, and you got the impression that they'd prefer to take their feet on your shoulders. 

"The little wizards have gone to a dangerous place beyond their powers," and he looked down at you from above. His voice and eyes were familiar to you. At this warning, about three of the magicians ran off. The rest still stood there, watching the lizard. 

"Leave now and I will spare your tittering lives. If you don't!" And fire appeared at its mouth. At this, the rest of the group took flight. All except you. You were still under the influence of that nasty spell. 

"Don't you value your life? Why are you standing here?" and bent lower towards you. 

"Because I can't leave," you muttered through your teeth. The dragon blinked at you before you felt the spell break. Nothing was holding you in place anymore. It was such a relief that you fell to your knees. 

"Now leave!" commanded the dragon and returned to his pile. You finally had a sense of why he looked so familiar to you. His voice and eyes were like borrowed from Stephen. You weren't entirely sure, but your instincts screamed at you that it was him.

"Stephen?" You addressed him hesitantly. The dragon lifted his head and looked at you tiredly before nodding his head. Then you saw him cast some sort of spell that enveloped the entire cave.

"You should come back," he said before lying down again.

"What about you? What are you even doing here?" You asked, moving closer to him and sitting down across from his head. Stephen lazily opened an eye, looking at you before closing it again.

"You're still here," he yawned, revealing a row of sharp teeth.

"I want to know what's going on," you said determinedly. The dragon sighed again before he began to shrink and change until he stood before you as a human. Or a partial human, since he had horns sticking out of his head, a pair of red wings sticking out of his back instead of a cloak, and a long, scaly tail trailing behind him. He walked over and sat down across from you. He still looked very tired.

"What were you doing here anyway?" He asked. And so you told him. You even apologized several times during the story for breaking your promise.

"Hmm," he mumbled something in agreement before leaning over and hugging you. Before you could react, he lay down with you in the gold and covered you with his wing.

It felt nice, but you had no idea what to make of it. You tried to get out of his embrace, but it was no use. He just hugged you tighter and you felt him bury his nose in your hair.

As you lay there, your eyes fell to his hands on your stomach. He had no gloves, and his hands were covered with yellow scales and sharp claws for fingernails. Now you understand his obsession with gloves.

He warmed you pleasantly and as you were close to him you felt safe and soon you too fell asleep.

When you woke up, your whole body ached and the gold was digging into your flesh. Stephen was still fast asleep. But his grip was no longer so tight and you managed to sit up. The dragon staggered but otherwise continued to sleep peacefully.

The end of his tail was wrapped around your leg. You carefully unwound it and were about to stand up when he weakly took your hand and gently opened his eyes.

"Y/N" he mumbled your name before falling asleep again.

"Sleep," you said softly before kissing him lightly on the cheek. Then you finally made your way out of the cave. It was almost strange to you that no one was looking for you, but you didn't care.

Stephen woke up a little over a week later looking more rested than ever.

"Hey sleepyhead," you greeted him with a smile when he reached you.

"I haven't slept this well in a long time," and he covered a yawn with his hand. Despite that, you noticed the sharp teeth. How could you have missed it before?

"Then I should disturb you more often," you chuckled, nudging him lightly. Stephen took advantage of this, taking your hand and turning you around on yourself.

"No, but you'll have to come to the cave with me to fall asleep," he said in all seriousness, and you could see the longing in his eyes.

"So all those visits and missions, you were just going to take a nap?" You asked him innocently.

"I tried to cut back, but I couldn't. It's part of who I am," he shrugged. You just laughed at that.

Since then, you've accompanied him to the cave once a month. Stephen had even used a spell to make the gold not press against you and be more comfortable, like a bed. He cuddled with you and you felt it made you closer.

After a few months, you started dating officially, and you pissed off a lot of the students. You even found out that Stephen was very possessive. He thought he owned you and no one else could have you. But that was part of his dragon side.

[emmettkane]

The Making of Derelict

I made a videogame!

So…

That’s pretty neat.

The original plan was to spend two weeks on the bulk of the work, then to spend two more weeks beta testing, polishing, and releasing.

It took me three months, which...well, oops. Regardless, I learned a lot along the way and I’m happy with the end result, so allow me to take you on a journey behind the scenes of Derelict: Deep Space Salvage.

All good games start with a concept, a central idea, a defining through-line upon which the whole of the experience is balanced. More 𝒸𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒾𝓋𝑒 developers usually don’t make that idea the title of their game, but I don’t want to be a creative developer, I want to be a good one.

In this case, I wanted to make a game about plundering the leftovers of those too stupid, or simply not fortunate enough, to survive the dangers of the infinite, starlit expanses.

Easy, just make it then, right?

Wrong! What do you think I am, a swiss army knife with legs? No, my friend, first thing’s first: skill set! What can I actually do on my own? If it wasn’t obvious, I’m a writer first and foremost (cough, ahem, cough). I can do a little programming too, a little java, a little C#, a little HTML.

Therefore my decision became simple as dirt: A text-adventure game needs no audio, minimal graphics, only basic programming, and a shitload of writing. (I used Twine, for those interested)

That’s not to say I haven’t considered adding some pizzazz. Some snappy ear-candy for when the player clicks a button might be nice, a little ethereal, industrial ambience could really sell the lost-in-space vibe, and I did whip up a sorta-lazy cover image, something to get the job done. Still, you have to choose your battles.

That’s actually the most important lesson, by the way. I ran two months overtime because I could afford to, and I focused on polishing the narrative experience because that was the heart of what makes Derelict fun. I even added achievements to the game…

…because that gives the player a good reason to play again and try to new things, to see more of the writing that I came up with and experience the game more fully. That was worth the extra time because it contributes to the primary experience, however subtly.

All the extra stuff I wanted to do but didn’t get to is now in a list for future consideration. Maybe I’ll come back and update Derelict, maybe I’ll make a sequel, maybe I’ll just try to add this stuff to some future project. What’s important is that I made something with intention, and that it got done.

Speaking of which, you can go play it yourself right now, for free, on my Itch.

Hell, you could even leave a review if you like it.

[greenboyfriend]

pick an image! (tarot card reading)

image source ❁ image 1: an aged, leather book, with many, many pages. it makes you wonder what's inside, but due to its thickness, maybe it doesn't... ❁ image 2: a pleasant smile in the hands of gods. overlapping colorful wings form a small space in the middle. if you threw this at the wall, it'd definitely leave an imprint. ❁ image 3: a mysterious brass key. to what does its dainty swirls open? no one knows but you! how do I pick? everyone has their own method of getting in touch with their intuition. for me, when I know it's right, I feel a lightness in my chest, and when it's wrong, a pit in my stomach. don't think too much about it. whichever you choose will be right! BOOK A READING THRU DM/ASK!

1.・。.・゜✭

boy howdy, y'all.

you see the change you need to make, and yet you're still resisting? maybe you're scared of what this change will bring, but in your stagnancy, you're missing an opportunity for growth. the most important thing is that you tell the truth. right that wrong-- let everyone know what's really happening. whatever your reason for inaction might be, know that you do, in fact, possess the strength to overcome your issue(s), no matter how much you think you don't. you've already reached a major milestone, too, so why keep yourself in a box? reap that reward. you worked for it, after all! this important change will have to do with you clearing the air, speaking articulately, and being sure that you share the absolute, honest truth. consider a direction change. sure, what's gotten you here has worked wonders, but what will get you to your next goal? don't be afraid to try new things!

(7 of pentacles reversed, ace of swords reversed, king of swords, four of pentacles)

2.・。.・゜✭

whadda hell? such similar cards and yet such distinct meanings...

unlike those who chose image 1, you have not yet reached your goal. but don't worry! you're almost there!! you've just got to keep trying... easier said than done, right? it seems like you really want to give up, or are doubting yourself. this is a strong energy-- maybe you've been hurt in the past because of a similar situation, so you're refusing to acknowledge what's happening at all. maybe you don't believe in your own strength, but know that it is there. you've come all this way-- think of this as one more hurdle to jump before you take a lunch break. and what a wonderful lunch it will be, indeed!!! something that will be important will be finding out what's real and what's not. break up this complicated situation into segments and slowly analyze how all the pieces fit together. try to remain objective during this process, it is important for your future success. and finally, the scariest hurdle of all: simply having fun! you don't need to be guarded all the time, and maybe that's the lesson you're tackling right now. there's a very strong vibe of "recapturing innocence", in the (inno-) sense that you must shed the learned, knee-jerk responses of heartache. in order to feel better, you must let yourself free, but don't worry; your heart will always come back to you. don't let your inhibitions stop you from living the life you want to... need to....... deserve to live!!! so take that crazy chance and engage in unadulterated, unfiltered, unstoppable whimsy. this will be the key that takes you to new heights!!!

(ace of swords reversed-- this hoe really jumped out of the deck to see you. say hi..., the fool, 7 of pentacles reversed, king of swords)

3.・。.・゜✭

okay so everyone's going through it. okay

god damn. y'all really need a hug, a hot cup of cocoa, and a cat in your lap, because fuck!!! you're experiencing a betrayal. deserted in your time of need, you're left to wander far, far away from home... you will find happiness in trying new things and keeping your head up, but don't let discovery be your excuse to neglect your needs. above all else, you need to heal. this will be a time of balancing these two things: trying out new developments and changes, while also healing your emotional wounds. you may be more interested in the former than the latter. you may feel like you're too weak to face this pain, but know that hard times help redefine the person you are. it's easy to wave it all away and throw all your energy into what's new, but what will really matter when you're 75 and looking back on your life is how you treated yourself during this time. did you dutifully lick your wounds, tending to yourself as you wish someone else would? or did you discard yourself in the same way you discarded your feelings? it's a tough ask, and a bit shocking to think about, I know. but imagine looking back and feeling pride in how well you managed things, the comfort gained-- almost magically-- from yourself, and the good it did you. okay, okay im getting off my soapbox now! just know you're headed towards good things. it may be a long process, so be brave, and steady. take breaks! drink water! stand motionless in the shower for 30 minutes, it's ok if that's what you need to do cause guess what?!?! you deserve to be taken care of, especially by yourself!!!

(3 of swords reversed, ace of swords reversed, 2 of pentacles, 6 of swords reversed)

lots and lots and LOTS of love for all of you silly little geese. I wish the absolute best for you! although I don't need to hope for the best... because I know all of you will prevail!!! simply because ur interested in what ur intuition seeks to teach you. please accept my kind words even if im a stranger on the internet! please know you deserve every tender moment that life has to offer and more, because you're just a motherfucker who's out here trying their best, just like most everyone else, and oh my god no matter what anyone tells you that is enough!!!!!!! sorry. I got back on the soapbox. BUT ITS TRUE!!!

[itzr4v3n]

Main AU (aka Present Timeline)

When I refer to my Main AU, I usually mean the time space between Volume 2 and 3. Vol 3 characters appear, but events from the previous have already happened. Although, I usually have both Crimsons featured unless I'm trying to be fully canonical. Of course, spoilers ahead

uhhh I guess this post is going to be a mix of fact dump, history lesson and lore?

Oh, for reference, I made a timeline at some point, accuracy is debatable

Let’s start with history/lore from the past/character backstories

Jimothy Red was born in Drakonia and grew up there until his early teens. He had an okay relationship with his parents, they weren’t great, but he loved them enough to be pretty upset when they were killed on Halloween (reason why he stopped liking it in the future), along with other kids in the area cuz “no witnesses”. So he reported the situation to the Iron Tsar as manslaughter, just to be hit with “Yeah so, your parents were against me and I didn’t like that so I hired people to kill them.” Jimmy was rightfully pissed, because he himself was okay with the Tsar, but that crossed the line. There was no reasoning with the death of his parents, but when Red brought up the dead kids, the Tsar was like “okay hold on, slow down. They killed others too? That was not my order. Right, here’s the deal. I’ll punish them, but don’t get it twisted, it’s only because they went against my orders” and sent Red away. The next day the two assassins were publicly hanged. Jimmy himself was sent into foster care and ended up overseas to go to a new family, aka in the US.

The family already had two other sons, there used to be a third, the eldest, but he ran away because of pressure and expectations. The parents knew this, so they lowered expectations for the younger two and Red. Unfortunately, Red was a perfectionist and though he knew it was from a kind heart, he didn’t want to be praised for doing a “good job”, he wanted a “great job”. Basically in short: He works better under pressure.

The relationship to the youngest son was a bit shaky, he would piss Red off on purpose and it would result in Red locking himself in his room. A good few talks between them and the mother eventually settled it, and Red got adopted into the family, making him Jimothy Red-Kobayashi (he wanted to keep his old name).

Fast forward about 20-30 or something years, Red goes back to Drakonia because he was still holding a grudge. Broke into the Tsar’s palace and of course he got captured. Decided it was a good idea to mock dear Vladislav. This is how it went: “Why don’t you throw me in jail then? Oh right, you hang every criminal no matter how small.” “You’re asking to be killed, aren’t you?” “Maybe.” “Well I’m not going to do it just to spite you. But since genius me never thought of setting up jails, I’ll just have to keep you here. Probably goes against the entire point of punishing you, but I’m just doing this to spite your probably suicidal self because seriously, that aside are you okay bro? Why would you even consider-” I’m derailing from the topic.

During his stay to a confined space he somehow managed to pull Vladislav. How? Apparently he has a thing for bossy men, while Vlad finds his stubbornness weirdly admirable. So uh, they got together (should I remind y'all Vlad is 80+ and Red is still in his late thirties at that point?) The Tsar thought “maybe he’s not that bad. I should probably let him free” and that he did, Red went to the Deduction College, led the reenactment club while occasionally visiting Vlad during holidays, before going back to Drakonia and what did he do?

Started a revolution against the very man he claimed he loved. Oops.

Vladislav escaped, my butler OC Eros fought Red back until he got stabbed in the stomach, to which in response he cut off Red’s hand, and then got his neck broken by the dude.

Fun fact: This used to be a separate AU, until (me): “and then revolution happened” (friend): “I thought it was an AU girl, why😭” (Me): “it was, buuuuuuut >:)”

That’s how it became part of my main timeline.

Fun fact: His name actually used to be Red Kobayashi, so his “last name” was his first name, until I forgot and added Jimothy in front. Also makes more sense that way, given colours are usually their surnames.

Oh also, he has war ptsd. A single gunshot is fine, but rapid firing is what sends him back.

Anyways, I think it’s fair I talk about Vladislav himself.

Born royalty, obviously, strict parents, was given a personal butler and arranged friend Eros when they were both teens, Vlad 13 and Eros 15 to be exact. And he pretty much remained Vladislav’s only real friend, given commoners were “not ideal” and the prince was mistrustful towards overly nice nobles, thinking they were going to use him for money or brag about being friends with a royal. And of course, he was swamped with studies and everything, leading to sleepless nights just to do well enough for his parents to be proud of him. Eros tried reasoning with the royal couple, but the Tsarina was like “you do not give us orders. Now shut up before we fire you” and added a slap on top of that.

Vladislav was gifted in the artistic direction, but he never really got the chance to work on it, mainly because his parents (especially his mom) weren't in favour of him "doing some silly drawings" (he wanted to show them a painting he worked months on, but they didn't even look :c)

So he gave up drawing entirely and focused on the future, as he planned to make Drakonia great and break the cycle of "gaining respect through fear".

As much as he didn't want to admit it, he failed and became an almost exact copy of his parents, maybe even worse. Eros tried giving him gentle nudges to the other direction, but it simply wouldn't work with a mistrustful folk. Red had asked him in the future "why don't you treat your people nicely?" "If I want to keep my title, then it's necessary that they fear me. You will understand one day"

The entire "feared ruler of Drakonia, the Iron Tsar" gig kind of became his entire personality in the end.

Also funnily enough, Major Red had a similar idea during the revolution. Free the kingdom from the monarch's iron fist and become the new ruler who would have the folk's support and love. Yeah, when he actually got the throne for a while, it was an "I told you so" moment because he pretty soon realized "okay. Maybe this wasn't as easy as I thought"

That's pretty much the whole gig with them all the way into the present.

I want to add one small thing though. So we know Red was captured by the winning party in the second Civil War at the end of Volume 2, right? In volume 3 it was revealed he escaped and I did a little something with that.

The son who ran away joined White's military army and was the guard to Red's cell. He knew they were of the same family name and said "I don't know you, but I know you're my brother and I feel like it's my duty to help you, so I'm letting you out"

He covered up the plan pretty well and made it seem like Red was some escape master.

Logico family time

Ink (short for Inquiry) D. Logico, formerly Ink Hernandez before marriage, was a serial killer in her late teens/early adulthood, her victims consisted of people who wronged her in any way (as Murdle logic goes). When she wasn't going on her rounds, she worked as a barista and studied economics at the local college, where she also met Petrov D. Logico, who studied interior designing and was also a self taught mechanic, sometimes doing occasional repairs for his neighbours for a good dime. They hooked up and eventually started dating. Petrov was a real chill dude, open and kind, almost never got pissed even if he was wronged, just mildly annoyed. Ink found herself to be attracted to that and usually let off steam by ranting to him and Petrov was always like “you’re so valid for that. I honestly would be pissed too”.

Fast forward, they got married, Ink has completely stopped her murderous sprees. Petrov started working as a butler, Ink continued her job but full time. Eventually they had Falsone and Ximena, a pair of twins. Ink is of Spanish heritage, while Petrov is of Italian, it was only fair they each gave the kids a name from that language (they also grew up trilingual). Falsone found his sense of fashion pretty early and could put together at least 30 outfits with just 5 items. Ximena took a little longer to find her calling, trying this and that but nothing ever really stuck besides her liking for jigsaw puzzles, and options were limited due to the financial situation the town was in and therefore the family. She eventually came out as trans at around 14 and became Sandro, the Logico we know today. Sandro would have been his birth name if he was born a guy :p. Both Falsone and Sandro kept their hair long because why not, Falsone often helped his brother with creating outfits fitting his style of the time, emo. Falsone himself had more of a rebel-nerd style.

When they were 16, Ink was arrested because her crimes had finally been uncovered. Sandro dug through as many old newspapers as he could find, just to find anything that will prove his mother was innocent, but all that he found was that all the clues and hints he put together confirmed the harsh truth he refused to believe. His first exposure to crime solving ended up leading up to her death, as she was given the death sentence back then. Despite that, he still went with his profession as a deductive. At least Petrov was a great dad, despite being a widow.

Sandro took up an interest in chess after playing a few rounds with classmates, but never really practiced it until college, besides the occasional after school activity.

The two brothers moved out of the old town and went down their own paths. The irony that they had a drastically different level of success (financially). Falsone opened up his own fashion brand and is practically internationally known. Ironically, he doesn’t always enjoy the fame. Yeah, he’s happy his passion became a stable income for him, but he literally can’t go anywhere without being recognised by someone. Reason why he regrets ever putting himself as the model for the front page of an magazine. Also, it’s consuming his entire life, as Sebastian, his Chief Financial Officer, would put it. His works controls his life. Falsone denies it and just claims his stress is only self induced, he just needs to manage his time better and stop overthinking. And despite modelling, being healthy and everything, he still doesn’t feel like he looks good enough and can’t figure out why.

Scrapped concept: An idea I had was that Falsone was tricked into joining the Red Army at some point and fought in the civil war in Volume 2. He saw Sandro and Irratino heading towards the zeppelin and wanted to follow, but stepped on a landmine, losing both of his legs. At least his brother noticed and he could be brought to safety and treated, albeit being permanently crippled. Red still sent him a medal later on for even taking part in the war, despite running away.

Sandro on the other hand is fine with how he looks, despite not having his ideal body shape yet (aka top surgery which he can’t afford). He also has a pretty wide vocal range, after voice training to sound more like a man and managed to get pretty deep. Sometimes when he’s annoyed or frustrated, he starts cussing to himself in Spanish. Doesn’t mean he can’t speak Italian. Irratino learnt Spanish amongst others at some point in his life, but to fuck with him, Sandro speaks Italian to make him feel stupid like “did I forget everything I learnt-?” (His Italian is very rusty). It isn’t until Logico says something like “io sento” he realizes and goes: “you motherfu- that was Italian” and Sandro reacts with “hehe, I love making you feel dumb” and the Irratino proceeds to drop something in Norwegian or some other random language.

Fun fact: Transmasc Logico came to me in a dream

Talk about him, Irratino family time

So first of all, Irratino’s full name is Evander Marco Irratino. His biological mom is the red-haired one, Isabell, the other one is called Cheyenne (totally did not steal that from Berry).

Concepts (not officially decided):

Evander’s dad was neglectful or abusive, at some point he took his son to an abandoned building, hurting him in a way it gave him a permanent limp in the future and also sparking his fear of abandoned buildings. He eventually just left forever and Isabell remarried.

His dad wasn’t bad, they loved exploring the unknown together. They entered an abandoned building once, but an accident (maybe a collapsed floor) resulted in Evander’s permanent leg injury, while his dad had a bad landing and passed away moments later.

I’m leaning towards the second option, just to not give the boy trauma upon trauma.

There isn’t all too much to say to him.

Evander actually had a feeling something was wrong when his parents departed for the expedition, but couldn’t pinpoint it and just pushed it down. One night after finding out his moms died, the angel of Belief, Ryomen, formed a bond with him under God’s command, indirectly Nemoyr, angel of deceit, as well. God then gave him a vision showing how his parents really died and you know the rest. That’s how he gained the ability to talk to spirits, God and understanding cryptic messages.

I know I’m talking about a godly bond and stuff, but Evander doesn’t follow a specific religion. He just does what he knows, what God or his angels tell him. Also, while most of us need a few seconds or minutes to unscramble words/decode a message, Evander can read it like it’s normal. Encoded messages are like a second language for him.

scrapped concept: Before knowing of his past, my original idea for his heavenly bond was that one of the butler’s was jealous and killed Evander’s main one, to take his place and be higher on the list of inheriting a portion of their money in case of sudden death or similar. Another scrapped idea was that Evander had a twin, who I called Irritano (before figuring out Irratino is actually his last name). His brother killed someone, a bully, Evander saw that amongst other crimes through his dream visions, got his bro arrested, and Irritano ended up leading a life of crime.

For the Aureolin fans out there, I got a small story for her as well

Aureolin’s husband’s name was Sir Irving, he is a gardener for hire. They had a nice relationship, quaint home, their own backyard and stuff, but unfortunately neither of them really spent time with each other. Aureolin was almost always away for her shows, and when she was at home, Irving was out and about. This has resulted in some arguments, in which they may or may not have insulted each other’s professions one or two times. Eventually Aureolin said “You want quality time? Fine, I got a show next week and I want you there. After that, I’ll go with you to whatever plant fair you planned on going to.”

They went through with the plan, except Aureolin killed him during her show by sawing him in half. Oopsies

Uhh at some point she got together with Obsidian, but now they’re exes.

Grayscale because of course

His dad went to get the milk, so it was just him and his mom.

Jamie Grayscale has always been a kid with little emotions/expression. That was the reason why he never really had friends who stuck, he was too uninteresting for them with his monotonous voice. There’s no excitement in anything he says. His only real friend growing up was his mom, and that has definitely been used as an insult before, but he usually responds with “I love my mom, so I don’t really care”.

Dated every now and then, but it never lasted very long because it really was only out of pity, so he eventually stopped trying and lived contently as a single numbers man. Oh also, his poodle’s name is Phoebe and she’s 2 years old ^-^

and concerning the dog attempted murder in Volume 2, I assumed some other dog tried to attack Phoebe and Grayscale held it back by those leashes that tighten themselves, hence why he nearly choked the other dog.

Shipping time

Since we’re already talking about Grayscale, I might as well talk about a ship of mine with him :)

If you’re new, i ship him with Eminence, usually tagged Viscount CPA. It started with the emotionless x perpetually angry as a trope and I kind of went from there.

They met shortly after the civil war in volume 2, while Grayscale was heading home from work. Eminence was on the run, soaked from rain and homeless because he doesn’t have a permanent residence in the US. Took a bit of convincing, but Eminence eventually agreed to stay temporarily with Jamie.

He kind of never left because they got used to living together. They got closer, became friends “partners in crime” stuff, and then fell for each other. Grayscale was first to confess through a poem he left before going to work and Eminence responded with chocolates during his break.

What about the age gap? Yeah that was their worry too, but eventually Grayscale “We’re both consensual adults, not young ones either, it doesn’t matter anymore” and eased out of it. They had some ups and downs, but it was only a problem of communication, which they fixed

Another ship of mine is Red x Gunmetal, aka RedGun. Work colleagues to lovers. Sounds innocent, and they do love each other, but the thing that makes Viscount CPA work is missing between them. Gunmetal often jokes around, often purposely pissing Red off, and the latter reacts either aggressively or violently. So it’s uhh not going too well for them.

I stole the ship Amaranth x Blackstone from Berry, lol. Don’t really have a backstory for them though, same with Mauve x Slate

Adopted Saffron x Aureolin from the fandom

I also ship Rulean x Silverton x Dr. Crimson, only because two daily Murdles implied Silverton liked both of them. Also Rulean and Crimson kind of have an unspoken rivalry or sorts? You can find a short vid I made on my account

Usually I go by canon, but the dailies sometimes give little extras, like Red and Lapis being childhood friends, so I try to incorporate those too

Also I recently found out Grayscale actually has a crush on Turquoise so uh. I’ll just pretend I didn’t see that, besides using it as a trope for a Hanahaki AU (friend’s suggestion) :^

Radical Crimson x Aubergine originated from my Infection AU fic I still need to continue. Crazy x crazier stuff

And of course the oxymorons. Like, how can you not ship them?

Other headcanons

Logico has a cat he adopted after finding it as a stray. He calls her Muffin, she’s a ragamuffin who was abandoned as a kitten. He also fosters and later on adopts a boy called Leo, whose single dad was murdered. Logico’s colour, besides black, is dark blue. He’s 35

Irratino’s colour is green/dark green for me, although I know for the majority of the fandom it’s purple. He’s 37 and hates going into abandoned houses. I think I’m the odd one out for not seeing Irratino as someone who would wear dresses or skirts for the sake of wearing them. In my hc, he would wear them for a dare or challenge, but not as everyday clothing

As already implied, Red doesn’t like Halloween and has a bionic left hand. Also he’s a demiboy, 55

Smoky is the youngest adult at 18

Gunmetal has bionic arms. Yes, both of them, I haven’t decided why or how yet, he just does. He’s 51

Indigo is a cross dresser and is proud of it. I used to absolutely loathe him, but I lowkey like asshole personalities, although for me it leans more towards sassy aunt who’s kind of passive aggressive. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, he still cared for Olivia, even if she was always second behind his job. Like, she could ask him for help with a project, Indigo finishes whatever he was doing before and goes to help her as soon as he can.

Fun fact: I used to hate Copper, because of my general animosity towards cops who abuse their power, but now I’ll tolerate her.

Crash Test Apricot is the younger brother of Actuary Apricot

Taupe is a gentle giant

Mauve is the closest to being the same as Indigo, without the whole “yeah so I’m gonna force you into the VR world whether you like it or not” thing

Gunmetal and Logico joke about being father and son solely because they look similar

Grayscale is into literary and can play the piano

Eminence rediscovered his love for art and is a fan of Edgar Allen Poe and similar style authors

Names all listed again: President Alexander Midnight, Louise Midnight iii, Benjamin Midnight, Dr. Addison Crimson, Rae “Radical” Crimson, Nayra Aubergine, Vladislav Eminence, Jamie Grayscale, Jimothy Red, Sandro D. Logico, Evander Marco Irratino

Random facts or lore fragments

Logico and Irratino end up having a kid, who has their DNA, but isn’t born. Some people managed to get their genes somehow and created a baby in a lab, who was then dropped off in front of their doorstep stork style. This kid ended up being adopted and named Potino, though the two of them never figured out where he came from

I used to joke my persona Lynn dropped off the kid, but I eventually settled for a more in-universe explanation

Red and Gunmetal actually ended up getting relationship advice from Eminence and Grayscale and it did help getting them back on track

I have exactly two self inserts, besides other OCs. One is Estella who met Logico at a murder scene and kind of just stuck around, because she had evidence photos and has since worked with him as a mini job. 5'6, left-handed, Pisces

The other one is based off of my username in the Detective Club discord sever, Amazing Aureolin’s Apprentice (AAA). Her name is Hemani Globe, reference to hemoglobin. As the username already implied, she’s Aureolin’s apprentice and may or may not have helped with a murder or two.

Another OC is Hawk “little bee” Keppel, first featured in my Infection Au fic. Enthusiastic workaholic, pretty soft-spoken but will fuck you up if he has to, does get easily anxious. Uhhh oh, and Misc Cider, non-binary forensic detective. No nonsense attitude, pretty strict but caring nonetheless. 6'1, ambidextrous, Gemini

uhhhhhhhhh

fun fact: out of all the three books, I remember volume 3 the worst. Idk why, I just can't remember shit well enough from that book

No I have not read Murdle Jr, so there can very much be something that goes against everything I've said

I think that’s all so far

Future AU post is next

[starchants]

ahh!! thank you so much for the angel/angelus hcs! you mentioned you could explain some more in another post? if you did i would absolutely love that!! almost no one writes for btvs especially angel/angelus so i’ve been rereading the same fics over and over again 😭 you’re so incredibly talented. your hcs had me kicking my feet. thank you so much and i hope you’re having an amazing day/week. stay safe & i’m sending you so much love. thank you again. <3

angel / angelus ; general headcanons.

word count — 1,032.

themes + warnings ; mentions of abuse (his father &. his relationship with darla), dark / evil thoughts, stalking and delusional behavior, hallucinations, sexist thoughts (as he’s a vampire 200+ years old so like come on he was around that time- he eventually learns his lesson), physically assault as in like fighting terms, and i think that’s it? idunno tell me if there’s more and i missed them!

author’s note — YOU’RE KICKING AND GIGGLING YOUR FEET?! IM DOING THE SAME!! literally nobody loves angel and angelus like i do 😭😭 and i’m so glad you’re like me! also the compliment ohmygoodness 🙈 i’m crying i love you sm! thank you my lil starling <3

support mention ; if you feel like supporting, a nice ‘like’ will suffice on my blog, i know some writers love to ask nicely if you could reblog or comment etc. yet on my blog (no hate towards them as everyone likes appreciation in different ways), but if you’d like to reblog or comment feel free after all this is a safe space for any fan-individual to have fun :’)

masterlist

okay so i headcanon that back when he was human — back as liam, he had those murderous thoughts that angelus later acted upon. especially with how cruel his father was to his mother, he wanted to absolutely murder his father for the way he acted towards her. liam was a total mama’s boy, in fact, i have so many headcanons about her too plus i named her in my mind but y’all don’t wanna hear about that 😭🫶🏻! but liam was so much of a mama’s boy that he took on the name, angelus, when he had been re-born as a vampire solely because that had been the name that his mother originally wanted to name him but his father had chosen liam.

the reason why liam was so bad and terrible to those when he was human, happened to be due to the fact that his mother had died when he was young. which had left him with his utterly cruel father and so he built up walls to protect himself, turning himself worse than his own father to the point where his father hated him as much as he hated his own late wife. he learned from his father that women were simply objections of his own pleasure and so he, in more modern terms, became a fuckboy.

liam had been so desperate to constantly have a woman in his bed that he began stalking the women that worked at the brothels whenever they would go home. he had believed they were his and his only to mess with, to break and claim. the women who worked at the brothels seemed to love it when it came from him only, considering how heavenly handsome he was born. that was one of the many topics of which he had physically fought his father upon — quickly having his left shoulder broken by his old man for being caught stalking women.

only a few months later after that, he had found darla. the pretty little blonde whom found him at a brothel one night and decided that he shall be hers. so darla had followed him as he followed the women around to their homes, watching as he saw them undress themselves and mutter remarks about how the women were his.

darla then later tricked him into that alleyway under the disguise that she had seen that his women were being manhandled by someone other than him which had him murderous. he began speaking quite loudly and sounded delusional as he told darla all of which he would do to the women who had betrayed him, how he would tear them apart piece by piece and watch as their blood would cascade down the brick of the alleyway. not realizing in his anger how once they had gotten to the alleyway that the women weren’t there and darla had him pressed against the brick, quick to drink his own blood and give him her own as well before his heart gave out on him.

upon waking up from his grave with darla by his side, he had long forgotten his human name already as his soul had already morphed yet he had a form of hallucination when he had awoke for the first time, crawling out of his grave before he had seen darla near him. he had envisioned a pretty woman with a motherly figure and soft yet firm eyes gently smiling down at him with a soft call of angelus. which had lead the vampire to believing that was his name and the only memories that he vaguely had of his human life was how cruel he was to women and his father’s abuse — leading his first kill to be his very own father.

as he had sunk his teeth into his father and drank him dry, while hearing his heart slowly stop beating, he had simultaneously heard a soft call from the same woman who had given him the name of which he goes by claiming that she was proud of him. that had pushed him further into killing his father and then his father’s friends who had blissfully unaware walked into his childhood home ready to pull his father away for a round of drinks.

angelus later on began playing those mental games with his victims due to his own auditory hallucinations of that woman’s voice that played her own games with his mind. something that angel would learn very much later on happened to be his own mother from beyond the grave. again i could do so many headcanons on her and lowkey wanna add her to this blog ohmygoodness 😭

when angelus had gone away and gotten his soul back, his human memories and vampire memories had collided, they mashed and came rushing back to him sending him crumbling down as the gypsy escaped for her dear life after cursing him. while he was figuring out his surroundings before darla would come back to find him after the gypsy woman fled, he had seen the same older woman that he did when he died. oh angel my dear boy the woman would claim as she moved towards him and held his face in her hands seeming like she was trying to help eliminate his pain that settled in his brain. though before he could reply or do anything else, darla had returned and we all know what happened with that.

angel would then spend years, before finding buffy, holding on for dear life and trying to do his best to save others but still had that stupid mindset of having barriers built up around him leading him to what had occurred at the hotel. the reason that he kept to himself in the 50s was because he wasn’t alone. the more he kept drinking the blood in those little vials, the more he would keep hallucinating his own mother who would watch out for him and she was the only reason he got out of the hotel.

okay once again gonna stop because i feel like ima make a whole ass novella out of these headcanons and i feel like it’ll be ✨insane✨for me to do it 🤭

[salamanderinspace]

Praxis

"Consider, for example, the so-called fear experiments conducted by the social psychologist Howard Levanthal in the 1960s. Levanthal wanted to see if he could persuade group of college seniors at Yale University to get a tetanus shot. He divided them up into several groups, and gave all of them a seven-page booklet explaining the dangers of tetanus, the importance of inoculation, and the fact that the university was offering free tetanus shots at the campus health center to all interested students. The booklets came in several versions. Some of the students were given a "high fear" version, which described tetanus in dramatic terms and included color photographs of a child having a tetanus seizure and other tetanus victims with urinary catheters, tracheotomy wounds, and nasal tubes. In the "low fear" version, the language describing the risks of tetanus was toned down, and the photographs were omitted. Levanthal wanted to see what impact the different booklets had on the students' attitudes toward tetanus and their likelihood of getting a shot.

The results were, in part, quite predictable. When they were given a questionnaire later, all the students appeared to be well educated about the dangers of tetanus. But those who were given the high-fear booklet were more convinced of the dangers of tetanus, more convinced of the importance of shots, and were more likely to say that they intended to get inoculated. All of those differences evaporated, however, when Levanthal looked at how many of the students actually went and got a shot. One month after the experiments, almost none of the subjects - a mere 3 percent - had actually gone to the health center to get inoculated. For some reason, the students had forgotten everything they had learned about tetanus, and the lessons they had been told weren't translating into action. The experiment didn't stick."

-from Malcolm Gladwell's "The Tipping Point"

Look we know that bullying and shaming and scaring people doesn't actually get them to change their behaviors or beliefs. It's important to note it does get them to change what they say they believe. This is why you have leftist spaces where people claim to want a better, gentler world while actively bullying the shit out of each other. People emulate. They emulate message and they emulate action.

If your goal is to make a community of people who are all signaling virtue loud and hard - claiming they never use AI or shop at Target or whatever the moral panic of the day is - then yeah, go ahead and terrify. Go ahead and threaten. But if your goal is to make a world where we all actually treat each other well, you have to look at how you're living.

Also I truly think bullies-for-the-greater-good underestimate the power of spite. People will act out against you just because you're trying to control them with fear.

[purplerakath]

Cobra Kai S6 - Various Part 3 Thoughts

So I'm not going to go as far as saying 'it stuck the landing' because... it dropped a few things pretty hard, but it did much better than I expected. And at least did something approaching resolve some of my overall issues with the show.

The sorts of things I whine about whenever I post on this.

So please enjoy this rambly hastily cobbled together thing on the whole of it. Spoilers, obviously.

The most Important Thing (to just me)

Sam looked so good in the Cobra Kai gi.

...what? You thought it'd actually be important? I mean- it is, if your whole thing is 'failing to figure out how to conclude a fic where Sam is team Cobra Kai from the start.' But okay, okay, onto the real matters.

The End is the Beginning

So Team Miyagi Do (which in this case means Danny, Sam, and Robby) had the right lessons for it. If you really wanted Robby to win... anything, ever, I'm sorry. But the whole point, the whole thing, of Miyagi Do, is not fighting. Robby didn't need to win, he needed to know he could win. Sam... wasn't really fighting for herself anymore (once S4 and S5 resolved her threads with Tory she was there for Miguel and her dad, nobody else). And Daniel was trying to defeat an enemy that didn't really exist until he made it exist.

Which left only the characters with actual things they needed to fight for.

The Show isn't Miyagi Do

The pivot away from team Miyagi Do winning the tournament to Cobra Kai is one that only works because the show is Cobra Kai. And the only characters left with a thing they needed to prove were all the pinnacle of Cobra Kai.

Which isn't for themselves, for the record. Miguel knew who he was and what he can do. Johnny knew what his purpose was and where he needed to be. Tory knew she was no longer alone (although reminding her helped). And all three knew that those Iron Dragon assholes needed their kick teethed out onto the mat in front of everyone in this very arena!

I don't think they stuck the landing on Axel, balancing 'really is just a sweet kid' that 'happened to be weaponized by his sensei' but they got close enough. Wolf and Zara are entirely deserving of all that happened to them. Which helps, that of the three fights the narrative of fighting monsters was more in the latter two fights, Axel was just... there to be a punching bag for Miguel.

Old Couple's Explosive End to Marriage

So the Silver stuff is gold (pun I do not apologize for), his reason for everything, what's going on. Why he's doing this all worked. It's petty and dramatic and overblown and we love that for him. He's good, love it.

Kreese's sudden heel face was less believable largely due to less foreshadowing this season. There was plenty of it in earlier seasons showing he genuinely cares about his students (and expresses it in destructive bad ways). But this season it came out of nowhere after having him double down on evil.

That. Being. Said. Kreese's final act being to protect his student from Silver did work. He apologized to everyone, expected nothing in return, and died in a way nobody will ever really know. He doesn't get lionized in death. He just- at the last moment, did the right thing in the shadows.

Free Space: Demetri Sucks

We didn't get a lot of the rest of the cast for the finale due to... five episodes with a lot of fights. So naturally we let Demetri fail back into a relationship he blew up by cheating on her and he did nothing to win her back and I hate everything about this.

They never actually wrote this character learning anything about himself and I will be bad about it forever.

Plot Twist: Saying something Nice About Daniel

My other 'the writers do this so wrong' focus is on Daniel, and his 'do this my way and no other way' behavior (which the show never calls out and he never learns from). But he actually learned something once? Weird, I know, but it happened!

He hit Johnny with a Cobra Kai pep talk! He wore the gi, he went to Johnny's side of things and did things Johnny's way! That's way more than I ever expected from him! He even owned up to how much his emotions got hackled by the sign (in a throw away line but I'll take it!)

Odds and Ends

Sam/Miguel's romance stuff was sweet and generally good vibes. It was the right balance of grand gestures and practical 'teenagers moving on with their lives' to it.

Robby/Tory still doesn't work, largely due to it having a very poor basis two seasons ago. Their moment during the Zara fight was aces though.

Devon hugging Johnny after the fight was so wholesome, she'll be a great older sister to Johnny's daughter.

Hawk's hair was great, no notes.

The answer to Miyagi's backstory mystery was... fine? It didn't really do anything long term. It created a plot arc for Daniel he didn't need. But it ended on a message of ACAB so I'll take it.

Deepfaking dead actors is still weird and they need to stop.

The girls training storyline worked better than the boys training storyline, but at least the boys one included Robby being stunned how much his step-brother is more like his dad than he is.

So, overall...

It could have been better, but it could have been so much worse. I wasn't expecting Daniel to step aside and let it all fall to Johnny, to Trust Johnny.

The focus on Johnny getting his dojo at the end, loved that. So I'm pleasantly content with this.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

I did not survive The Belko Experiment

You can stream this movie for free, and the spousecritter and I did. I heard James Gunn was involved and it was "like a cross between Office Space and Battle Royale" and we thought, "Hell yeah." We expected absurdist comedy. We got a halfway plot switch to a brutal anti-authoritarian screed that failed to stick the landing and just ended with a sick joke.

I'm glad it exists and I think it said things that need saying, but I didn't enjoy it and I won't watch it again. You're free to make up your own mind on that.

But I would like to share my personal experience with a similar "game."

We got to the point in the movie where the authoritarian shitstain was separating the older folks for a culling - the rules were, if the workers didn't kill an arbitrary amount of people in an arbitrary amount of time, the higher ups would kill twice as many people.

My spousecritter objected with disbelief, "Why would they do what he says? They know he is going to kill them!"

And I knew why. I hadn't thought about it in a long time, but I knew. I said, "They just have to kill the first one who pushes back..." and while I was saying this, they did, "and it has to be fast and brutal. Then the rest of them won't. They don't have enough time to think."

And I had to further explain that I knew this because a high school Environmental Science student shot me in the head.

Not with a real gun. This was a "game," Columbine had barely happened, and we weren't being collectively sensitive about school shootings yet.

It wasn't really a game or an experiment. It was rigged from the start. We were supposed to learn a lesson about the uneven distribution of resources - it is bad, and causes people to do bad things. Simple. Oversimplified, in fact, and pretty pointless for that reason. But this is a class wherein I got a good grade for "saving" an island environment in SimIsle by raising money with off-shore oil drilling, so... I appreciate that the teacher was trying.

We were divided into groups, proportionate to how the population of the world exists, with proportionate resources. This "First World" has all the food and money, the "Third World" has all the people and the "Second World" has a fairish amount of each. Here's the food, each one of you has some money, get enough calories to survive by the end of Round One or you will die.

Oh, and to make sure you take it seriously, if you die, you will fail this exercise.

Now, I had some real bad circumstances. I had a total breakdown freshman year, all my grades were shit that year, and if I wanted a GPA that looked college-ready (like my abusive parents wanted me to have) I needed straight As with no margin of error. I was doing well in Environmental Science, but if I failed that exercise, there would've been... let's be gentle and inclusive and call it "disproportionate real-world negative consequences."

I can't have been the only kid in that situation. It wouldn't have been all of us, maybe not even most of us, but enough of us were motivated and the chaos of trying to survive without enough food for everyone commenced.

I was in the Third World, with most of the class. The others did not think of sharing their food with us in the time allotted, if such a thing would've even been allowed. We had a few kids selected to be government officials, and they had a military. The military had the ability to "kill" us.

Demonstrably, there was not enough food for everyone to survive the round and the clock was ticking. The government tried to get us to line up and purchase our food in an orderly manner, and the ones at the back of the line would clearly die at the end of the round.

In this milling mass of desperate high-schoolers, I (an anarchist in egg form) refused to stay where I was put and cut the line. And before I could open my mouth to protest, a "soldier" pulled out a finger gun and shot me. "Boom. You're dead. Go sit down."

"I... Buh..." I do not have an easy time talking when my emotions get the better of me in situations I don't understand. Not that it would've made any difference.

"Boom," said the teenaged boy whose grades were not nearly as good as mine and who managed to get made into a soldier, with a smile. Maybe it was revenge, maybe just relief. "You're dead. Go sit down."

I staggered over to the designated "dead" area and sat on the floor. I was the first. I sat there by myself until the end of the round.

There was slightly more food for everyone, given that I'd died, but still nowhere near enough. I think I couple more kids got killed for fighting with each other, (I'm not sure. The infighting might not've started until Round Two) but the biggest influx starved to death because they were at the end of the line and there wasn't enough food for them, as intended.

One of my fellow dead human beings muttered, "This isn't fair," and I agreed. There were a few more rounds, but the point was the headcount at the end. How many dead people were from the Third World group? Most of 'em. A few from the Second, and none from the First.

There, children. This is why there's famine in Africa (it's really not). Oh, and I was just kidding about failing you. This wasn't for credit.

I felt relieved and horrible, which I suppose was the point, and then the bell rang and we all went to our next class.

The Belko Experiment gave its victims all day. We had about forty minutes. Either way, that is not enough time for a lot of scared human beings to come up with rational solutions. Within these narrow boundaries, there can be no revolution, no humanitarian aid, no simple kindness. People are gonna die so let's start making decisions NOW! Only the dead ones have a minute to think and go, "This isn't fair," and they're not playing the game anymore.

This is not how a person does science. It is a particularly brutal method of storytelling, and, as an adult with more agency and experience, I think it's garbage. If you need to see people behave like snarling animals to make your point, there are much easier ways to force them to do that. But, the people running these "experiments" don't trust human beings to turn on each other, so they stack the deck from a position of authority with a threat of violence - whether they understand they're threatening violence or not.

If you leave people alone and let them exist out of crisis mode, sometimes they help each other. I think, with better social circumstances, that would happen more often, and faster. But even as it is, sometimes they help each other. And that's not what we want to see. If people help each other when we leave them alone in a game environment... What the hell are we doing that prevents them from doing that in the real world?

Uh, I think we're, um, stacking the deck from a position of authority with a threat of violence, fam. Just to start. There's a lot of other stuff, it's real complicated, but we're definitely doing that.

We don't have to. We don't have bombs in our heads or a teacher who can ruin our lives with a red pen. We have police and politicians, I guess, but they're usually not in the room and they can't control you if you don't do what they say. School's out. And you can just feed people. Ever wonder what else you can do?

[corellianhounds]

Curious to know your thoughts on Din’s separation from Ran’s Crew… (you said you wanted a discussion topic 😉)

I meant for this to be a two paragraph response and then when I looked up three hours had passed and my back was stiff from sitting at the keyboard for so long. I wrote ninety-five percent of this in one go, then made a gyro and literally went to go rewatch the episode to double check my quotes and notes before coming back 😆

~ 3.1k words

This ended up being a LOT more context because I don’t feel like I can give a solid answer without laying the groundwork for how I come to the conclusions that I do. I’m nothing if not able to justify my reasons/interpretations, but I also try not to lock into anything unchangeable when it comes to more nebulous parts of a character’s history because I can see how things can go several different ways, all of them interesting and plausible.

One of the things I’ve always loved about Mando from a mechanical/storytelling technique perspective is that he’s one of those characters with a mysterious past we only get in relevant bits and pieces, leaving so much open to speculation and interpretation. (I think that does contribute to how many wildly different takes we see in fan spaces about his character, but I digress.) He’s like Wolverine or Snake Eyes in that, when he’s being written well, his entire past and backstory isn’t spelled out in concrete detail which frees up storytellers to add things in later as they become relevant without contradicting themselves or having to refer back to/be confined by too much rigidly established history or canon.

(Personally I think more authors should do that when it comes to how characters are used in a story (meaning, the character should serve whatever story you’re writing first and you shouldn’t get too precious about elaborate backstories and irrelevant details if they end up blocking you from making stronger narrative decisions). I like only getting bits and pieces because we as the audience fill in the gaps for ourselves and stay intrigued by the remaining sense of mystery)

Because of that, I don’t have a concrete idea in mind for how Din got involved with or left Malk’s crew, and I hope it never gets spelled out unless the writers have a specific story in mind where that comes up.

As much as I like writing Din as a genuinely good man with a strong moral compass and personal code, that does also mean that I think there were times he wasn’t a good man. People are a lot of things in life, and it’s only through genuine trial and error, making mistakes and actively bad decisions and learning hard lessons from bad experiences that people grow into being good people (keeping in mind that everybody is capable of making good and bad choices in life at every step of the way. ‘Being good’ takes active work and it takes even more work to maintain that consistently).

Characters are more compelling and dynamic when they’ve actually done things that are contrary to how they behave in the present (provided the audience is shown the meaningful progression of that change). To that end, I think Din Djarin has done some things in his life he deeply regrets. Some of those decisions may have been forced out of him by virtue of circumstance, and some of them may have been on purpose (or the lesser of two evils).

Sometimes making the right choice will end up costing you something important, up to and including your life. Survivors of any kind have done a lot of things to ensure that survival. Everybody is capable of change, but change can go in a lot of different directions.

I think erasing a character’s flaws or implications of a flawed past does those characters and stories a disservice by uncomplicating the people and world within which the story is taking place. It truncates what decisions those characters are able to get away with as a story progresses if you insist they’ve only ever been morally upstanding up to the present. It closes off opportunities and directions for writers to take regarding the character’s future. That’s not a hard and fast rule, but if you start off with Steve Rogers being a good guy, you can’t have him do a complete 180 in a story unless that’s going to be given the time and focus it would take to make that arc believable and satisfying, and sometimes you just don’t have the time to dedicate to that if that isn’t the main story.

All of that to say, Din has probably done some bad things. You don’t end up working with criminals for (it’s implied) an extended period of time without having to make moral compromises, and though I believe Din’s faith as a Mandalorian has been steadfast since childhood, there are probably aspects of the more honorable teachings that he’s lapsed in at different points of time. (He did, at one point in time, turn over the life of a child to known enemies for payment.) He probably had to not ask questions about targets they were sent sabotage or steal from because if he doesn’t know for a fact that they were innocent people, he can tell himself that he’s not at fault for senselessly hurting people or robbing them of their livelihood (even if his guilt, intuition, and conscience tell him otherwise when he tries to sleep at night).

You know what you’re getting into going into mercenary work, so you can’t get tied up into moral quandaries every time you see the person on the other side of it. The more impersonal you can make it, the more you can do the job swiftly and mitigate as much suffering and collateral damage as possible.

I say all of this because Mando doesn’t exactly refute most of the things the crew says about him during the planning and travel phase of the mission, and I don’t think he has a problem correcting people when they’re objectively wrong about him (even if he’s at a disadvantage here being outnumbered, desperate, and coming to them for work). When Ran says they did a lot of crazy stuff back in the day, Din says “That was a long time ago,” which does admit to at least some of it being true, it’s just something Din makes a point to say he’s distanced himself from. He’s saying that he’s a different person than what he was like back then, which means there had to have been things he did that he’s not proud of.

Sometimes the more you protest though, the more people will pile on the jabs and mockery, especially if said jabs come from elements of truth you as the target can’t completely deny. If you don’t give people the response they want, oftentimes they’ll get bored and move on to something else, or at least won’t linger on that particular insult.

It’s also worth pointing out that anything the other members of the crew say about him could have been false or taken out of context or were perceived entirely different than what the reality was, them not knowing what Mando’s motives were at the time because he’s not exactly forthcoming. Anything they say that implies he did some shady things could have also been things Mando did in those moments that were actually cover for something else. Him letting them think the worst of him so they don’t notice how he’s freeing hostages remotely as they work, or sabotaging their demolition-heavy escape that would have hurt bystanders, or hailing the law to show up and interfere before things go too far and people end up dead when they could be saved. The quieter you are, the more people will reveal themselves and overlook you as part of the background, leaving you free to do what you need to.

Some of the things the mercenaries say about him could also be their skewed interpretations of events. Mando could have been quick, heavy-hitting, and ruthless, but ruthlessness doesn’t always equate bloodthirsty— Ruthlessness just means the most efficient route or means from point A to point B. If he went in on a mission and had to incapacitate people quickly and cleanly, they might have interpreted that to mean Mando was a violent person who liked killing or beating people up for the fun or glory or pleasure of it if he was volunteering to be the first one going in. The reality could have been Din not wanting people to suffer or be killed at the hands of mercenaries he knew would be harsher/more careless if they went ahead of him on a job.

Maybe the mercenaries all thought he was trigger happy because he would shoot first without asking questions, but Din was, in reality, six steps ahead of everybody else and had already analyzed the situation and come to the conclusion that that was the necessary thing to do at that juncture. Maybe the fact that he was brutal and quick to fight back when people on the crew antagonized him in their downtime or tried to take his things made them think he had a short temper and was always raring for a fight, when the reality is you have a much better chance of winning if you hit hard and hit fast, and he wasn’t going to put up with anybody’s disrespect or antagonism by rolling over and letting them think they could get away with pushing him around. As soon as you give people an inch they’ll take a mile.

Even if he was doing some shady jobs, there are still things he’s not going to do even if he had the skill sets for it. Din’s not going to torture people and wouldn’t have stood for it from others of the crew. He’s not a murderer and even when he’s had to kill people in the show it’s always done quickly and efficiently. (One reason why I can’t definitively say Mando would be entirely against hurting someone for information is that he did leave Gor Koresh to be torn apart by dogs at the beginning of Season 2, so he obviously thinks there are some people who have it coming. “You won’t die by my hand, but I don’t have to save you.” He gave Koresh a clear and concise opportunity in the arena to back off and give him the info he came for without killing him though and Gor Koresh didn’t take the chance Mando gave him, so Mando’s not going to lose sleep over what he did in leaving the don hanging there in the street. It’s probable there were similar instances like that while working for Ran.)

Though there are a lot of other immoral actions that come with the kinds of jobs it’s implied that they did, Mando wasn’t killing people left and right, especially since these guys are lower level criminals and thugs, not organized crime members or assassins, and murder gets you a lot more attention than you want if your primary jobs are stealth-based. Mando retained a sense of honor while working for Ran’s crew because Qin wouldn’t have used “You need me alive to get paid; isn’t that your code? Aren’t you a man of honor?” as a guilt trip/bargaining chip at the end of the episode otherwise. Qin’s (mockingly, but probably accurately) quoting back to him what Din had said to them in the past (same as what Xi’an did in transit regarding what he says about the helmet rule). It’s both possible and likely that Din was the one reining other people in when he could, mediating or diverting the crew from killing targets, security, or civilians who ended up in the way.

The reason I think Mando only killed people back then in self defense is that he left the merc crew alive at the end of “The Prisoner” when he obviously could have killed them. To me, what we’ve seen of his sense of justice in the present shows that, had they all proven to be merciless murderers to other people, he would have dealt out equal punishment in return by the end of it as retroactive retribution. Xi’an was the only one he’d worked with before (aside from Qin) and I don’t doubt that she enjoys killing people, and she did kill Davin so she was the most deserving if he had killed her there, but Mando still gave all of them the same last chance he gave Qin years ago; left behind and captured, but alive, despite the fact they all tried to kill him.

(A possible out-of-universe explanation for why he left them alive is that the writers may have had more planned for them in Season 2; there’s concept art in the second season’s Art of The Mandalorian that has Mayfeld, Xi’an, and Burrg on Boba Fett’s ship going into “The Believer.”)

We haven’t seen any evidence of Mando taking active enjoyment in killing people. Needless murder goes against the Mandalorian code, and violence typically isn’t (or is taught that it shouldn’t be) the first resort. Mandalorians are diplomatic enough to have a conversation first, but if you instigate a fight, they’re more than ready and able to finish it. Strike fast and get it over with, don’t drag it out. If you’re going to fight, do it out in the open and be willing to consider their genuine surrender when it’s asked for.

Mando’s not a bad guy. He’s just the best at what he does, and what he does isn’t very nice.

—

So now we’ve established some plausible parameters and the atmosphere for what it was like working with Ran’s crew in the past. There’s a lot of ways Mando could have ended up on the crew, and there’s a lot of reasons why he might have stayed there. He could have been ambitious and arrogant and setting out to make a name for himself, but I’m more inclined to think it was a matter of taking whatever jobs he could that would pay a lot of money and allow him to continue forward. Poor people without resources or connections are often driven to make decisions and find crummy or unethical work that goes against their personal code or preferences, especially when there are people relying on them as a source of income.

The importance of community and family among the Mandalorians is something that’s been made abundantly clear about Din from the beginning so that was probably a driving factor in how he conducted his life and work once he became an adult, and if he was one of the few people who was able to travel to find work and bring money and resources back to the tribe, then of course he was going to do it. There are mouths to feed, children to care for, armor to be built for others. You do what you can to survive.

Now say the more jobs he does with them, the worse they get, but he makes more money that can be brought home to the tribe. Say there are circumstances with bad timing that compel him to keep working for Malk as opposed to finding somebody else (potentially just as bad) to work for; working for the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. Maybe he’s saving up for a ship. Maybe he somehow ended up indebted to Malk and was forced to work off that debt for longer than he obviously wanted.

Maybe he was desperate for any work and theirs seemed promising, especially since he had the exact skillset that would guarantee he’d succeed. Maybe the jobs they used to do were just legal enough to pass as legitimate (if difficult) work and it wasn’t until he’d been there a while that they started to become more dubiously ethical, or Ran used the fact that they had a Mandalorian with them to bargain for better paying jobs from clients (those jobs paying more because they were dirty work).

Say that he knew it would be hard to leave the merc crew because if he didn’t do it right, he knew they’d all be suspicious about what secrets and details he’d be taking with him. Who knows who he might talk to? If that were the case, they may have come after him once he departed just to make sure he couldn’t betray them and give them up.

Say Mando had other outside obligations that kept him working with Malk despite the fact he could see the red flags, and the slow, creeping decline in honest work took place over a longer length of time. It’s a lot easier to get somebody involved with criminal activity if it starts small, starts gradual, and can be reasonably justified, especially if you don’t have all the facts surrounding the circumstances under which the job is taking place. No questions asked, that’s the policy.

I think whatever job they took where Qin was left behind was close to if not the end of Mando’s time with them. I don’t get the impression they had a great relationship to begin with, and Qin also seems like he could have held his own against Mando for a good amount of time before either of them had to back down or their fights were broken up. Almost every episode involves somebody picking a fight with Din over the armor or the helmet (or just… anything really), and it’s clear he’s had a lifetime of similar treatment and he’s able to fight back every time, so it’s not a stretch to say he was probably on the receiving end of similar scuffles while working with the crew, including those instigated by Qin.

So if Mando already had reasons why he wouldn’t have risked his hide to go back for Qin, it’s possible something specific happened that was the last straw and Mando decided he would no longer go out of his way to help or protect him, meaning when whatever mission they were on went pear-shaped, Mando left him. A kind of “Those who fall behind get left behind,” mentality, considering he knew Qin could hold his own and would end up alive if he was smart enough to know what was good for him and back down when he was caught. That was Mando’s measure of grace extended Qin’s way. Mando could have killed him on the way out, but he didn’t. He considered that Qin’s last chance.

I don’t think Qin was necessarily caught by the law on that mission, but regardless of how it shook out that crew ended up back at home base with at least one less member among them and everybody having a hunch that it could have been done on purpose, even if Mando had viable justification for why he couldn’t have gone back for him without risking the rest of the mission. Mando was able to make a clean break and walk away from the encounter (because Malk wouldn’t have let him back on the crew in “The Prisoner” otherwise), but not without everybody’s suspicions cast on him as he went, and the longer time passes between people who part ways on a sour note, the more those accusatory thoughts fester and build.

Mando may have made the objectively right call in leaving Qin and had the evidence to back him up, but people’s feelings are finicky things and tend to overrule all better judgment regardless of the facts of a situation, so the fact that he’d been with that crew for a while and had a history there— one that likely included a well-known animosity between himself and Qin— meant that it didn’t matter how justified Din was. If he’d stayed and continued to take jobs with them nobody else would have trusted him to have their backs going forward, which meant there would be no way for Mando to trust that they would have his. For all he knew, their next mission would end with him being left behind, metaphorically or literally stabbed in the back for his trouble in thinking they could work together again.

[cansomebodytellmewhatsgoingon]

"Look at this shark eating this cheeseburger"

"Das a toilet!"

"The moon tide is tugging on our hearts right now"

"You gon' spread my insides out, I'll start a fire"

"We turned him into a Pac-Man's little bitch"

"Monocle Gentlesir"

"Close that second fridge door, you big baby bitch"

"Uh, the fashion police arrested me"

"Lil' can! Lil' can!"

"I will climb Greatness Mountain... and grab Greatness' tits at the top of the peak!"

"Fuck this shit! Go home, go bed"

"You're like a dad teaching a kid with no fuckin' mobility in his legs on a tricycle - when someone's pushing him!"

"STREAM SPOATS!"

"You want da puncake?"

"I didn't know owls could fly"

"Keld um"

"Magic book... let what white woman allow me between her loins"

"Black Stamp of Approval™"

"BIG GUY! BIG GUY!"

"That's a fuckin' potato wearin' a bra"

"We're on the moon, and there's bees everywhere!"

"ALRIGHT!"

"'Am I ever gonna get married?' No, you gon' die alone"

"I'M SPEAKING MOTHERFUCKIN' ENGLISH YOU DUMB BITCH!"

"Happy happy happy, here's your fucking burger. Eat it."

"Off season"

"Dude, we were bottles between the couch and the bullet ploof grass!"

"GIVE. BIRTH."

"Uh, this - oh, I just ate it."

"Did you just throw up, like - like a baby, on yourself?"

"Goomba, fuck you!"

"TWO BOTTLES OF HEINIKIEN!"

"Stay...low"

"My name is Popeye for a reason, I do not fuck with the junk food like Cheetos"

"Racist Fridge"

"Now I'm stuck dressed as this sophisticated Chinaman!"

"Oh, there's a piggy! There's a - there's a - YAHOO!"

"I could've just laughed and busted milk or some shit out of my nose!"

"NOOO JOEEEE!!!"

"To the Minority Cave!"

"This is such bullshit! HE'S BLEEDING EVERYWHERE!"

"Mynamejeff"

"It's the Nintendo Switch... motherfucker"

"Today we're not gonna be continuing our lesson on... alien abductions, or whatever this is"

"You have bear fists?"

"Come on in!"

"I'm just kidding, you're a fUCKboy"

"It's like hockin' a dookie"

"It's Gorod Time"

"It happened so quickly, and with such velocity, that before I knew it, I had busted a nut on my own forehead"

"Shave my balls"

"Come on down to Olive Garden and get your free bread sticks"

"I've got to take a po-op"

"CHIPOTLE!!!"

"I became friends with the mutant gummy worm... I don't wanna kill him!"

"MOM MADE CHICKEN!"

"Your minimum-wage pilot just jumped out of the plane"

"Everything seems a...okay"

"Because it rips a hole in the space-time continuum and kills your heritage!"

"Where's Marge? Which one of you fucked my wife?"

"Who the FUCK wrote 'squeeze my weiner' on the end?"

"JUST WAY BETTER!"

"We ride together... we bake pies together"

"The Terminator's got a new son! Meet my boy!"

"Never gon' find me!"

"He went training his whole life for that one specific moment!"

"WAPOW!"

"*Moo laughing*"

[fireangel]

The man is near broke, that is why he is in this sht. He got his own self into it by spending too much, taking care of too many people and trusting the wrong people to handle the money. This is what happens when you let others go unchecked and run your life. It’s CAA, his family and his friends who all had a hand in getting him into this mess. He was and still is in debt up to his neck and creditors were about to take him to court, and part of his private life would have been open to the public which he did not want, that is when this hairbrained idea was presented to him and he was so desperate for money he took it. Since then he has tried getting out of the contract but the only way to break it is to pay up and he can’t. He’s selling off his stuff for a reason. It’s not because he wants to or because of his crazy ass fans. The man is trying to save his ass from public humiliation from being sued and bankruptcy. Let this be a lesson don’t let other people control your money or your life. The man doesn’t even know how to pay his own bills that’s how bad it is. And that’s why he’s broke. His family and others took advantage and now he’s paying the price. If he had the money that trash wannabe porn star would be long gone out of his life, but he doesn’t have the money to get rid of her so he has to honor the contract which is not over by far. He honors it by letting them do the fake sightings so he really doesn’t have to be near her. But come premiere time, you will see them together again because he doesn’t have any money to end the sht. This has always been about money, no more and no less. They are not married. They do not even like each other. It’s just for money.

Hello anon,

For once I am in complete agreement with someone

How the fuck did that happen? 🤣🤣🤣

Here's the thing:

I don't understand why these people don't run themselves as a business better

Even I do it and its ridiculously easy

Register your business

Go with Limited Liability, be the sole shareholder

Have all income invoiced and paid to your business

You should be registered as an active NFE, don't go registering for anything extra until you have done your homework on what you can claim etc (seek advice from an accountant for this as rules can be different in different countries)

Set aside your calculated business tax or GST or whatever into a savings account where it earns you free interest until your bill is due

Pay yourself a minimal shareholders stipend to reduce your personal tax rate but set aside your estimated tax in a business savings account to earn you interest

Have the business pay for your phone, accommodation, internet, heck you can lease the office space in your own house back to yourself as a reimbursement if you have a dedicated home office or ever use any part of it for work

By being a business you have more time to pay your tax bills and therefore can keep the money in your own business accounts even longer earning your business even more interest, free shit is free shit

Anything done for work is a business expense and the business pays for it; travel, accommodation, clothes, fuel, consumables, props, decor, meals etc etc

As a business if anyone doesn't pay their invoices on time you can end them to debt collection and fuck with their credit rating

Keep in mind that your overall business tax rate will depend on the threshold based on total turnover so its good to have your business pay for ALL work expenses to offset this

Figure out what you can claim back

It protects your finances a lot better and your business will earn the interest instead of the fucking government

Put the shit you own personally into trusts, you do not need to stipulate any children as beneficiaries of a trust as your Will can do that for you

All hail the accounting overlords

(This is how the 1% pull it off, they hide their money in businesses they own and wait until it's useful or convenient to pay themselves more)

[burritosandpeppermint]

UUUUGGGGGHHHHH

uuuuggggghhhhh

I'm not 100% sure how we got back here, folks, but I'm 100% obsessing over music and guitars for the first time since I was a teenager.

Guys...it's bad.

And for those who've known me for a long time here you may be hearing about this for the first time, but I could not get enough of playing guitars, reading about guitars, and listening to as much guitar music as I could when I was a teenager.

Could I actually play? Not really. I mean, not if you're talking about any lessons at all or trying to learn from a book or anything. I just kind of picked it up and kept playing around for years, just laying down riff after riff and playing with solo after solo. Just fucking around.

And then, eventually, I needed money and didn't have space anymore and I had to sell everything. I thought that door was closed by the time I was in my early 20's, starting to really work for a living and trying to live an adult's life. I looked back on those years a bit wistfully but with a real feeling that I had left childish things behind me...

Until the last month or so. I think I can point the finger squarely at us attending the Guns N' Roses show. Even with 100° F heat and me wishing that I had brought my earplugs I got swept away with it all, specifically with Slash. He'd change guitars regularly, usually for something that I was familiar with him playing. After the show I got curious and looked up his gear online to discover the web pages devoted to his guitars and his playing in general. Then I started Googling some guitars to see if they're still around, and any variations...and how have amps changed in the last 25 years...oh, emulators sure have come a long way...and they're fairly affordable...and while Fender's lineup has changed significantly since the 90s they still have a lot of decent guitars at reasonable prices...

All the while I'm also getting back into bands and songs I haven't heard in up to decades, just gorging myself on all the 90s rock I also "put away" at some point in my 20s, like one of my favorite bands, Hum, and getting into groups I could have really dug at the time, like My Bloody Valentine, and exploring newer stuff like finally getting more into Red Fang's discography...and then new bands and sounds spiraling off of those listens and searches...

And guys...GUYS...since I was into guitars this whole internet thing exploded, so I can hear guitars and amps and pedals and interviews that simply weren't available to me when I was previously obsessed. I can get a far better sense for things than driving an hour away to the nearest Guitar Center only to keep my hands in my pockets as I look at gear and equipment, too afraid to do anything in public, eventually going home and noodling by myself for a while.

And did you know that there are a ton of free or paid online classes where you don't have to interact with a human if it makes you feel self-conscious or anxious? And did you know that the Fender Mustang Micro Amp can fit in your pocket, has some EQ and preset sound options, a headphone jack, and can plug directly into your computer? And it's only $120 for an amp that's more versatile than the one I had 30 years ago AND it can help you can basically use it as a direct-to-computer recording device? And, holy crap, but GarageBand, while simple, is still a very competent recording suite and it's just free, right there on my Mac and everything?

Okay, breathing.

Because this is how it goes for me. I get all interested in something, all wound up, and I imagine how cool things can be, what I'll do, how things will turn out, all with an overactive imagination, until I'm just done with it and I move on. Except I don't know if I move on because I never follow through or if it's because I just fixate on things in a capricious manner. If it's because I never follow through then I should change that by following through (hello, writing ideas from five months ago that turned into nothing). But if it's because I'm capricious then I should just let it be and it'll ride itself out.

Now: how can I tell the difference without a lot of time, money, and effort? That's the question.

But it's been kinda fun as a weird hobby, just looking and reading and watching and listening. Maybe the fear of disappointment will be enough to keep me away from actually doing it, which isn't great, and maybe I should pursue more things that I think will bring me joy, even if I never truly get into it or keep it going for long, because life is short and pursuing happiness should be one of life's goals.