#infinitesimal!janus

[blazethecheeto]

Things Sanders Sides Characters Absolutely Have Said Pt.2

Virgil: If I was married to you I would put poison in your coffee.

Janus: If I was married to you I’d drink it.

-

Roman: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.

Logan: I would say infinitesimally, ha.

Patton: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.

-

Thomas: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

-

Patton: Do you ever feel bugs on you when really there’s nothing there?

Remus: Those are the ghosts of the bugs you killed before.

Patton:

Patton: *sobs*

Janus: You fucking scared him, you idiot.

-

Remy: I typed "bitch" into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway.

Thomas:

Remy: Vroom vroom, come out already

-

Roman: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and…

Logan: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.

Patton: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said…

Virgil: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

-

Logan: What's the most efficient way to burn calories?

Patton: Exercise more!

Remus: Set yourself on fire.

Virgil: There are two kinds of people.

-

[starlocked01]

Your Average Petty Sinner

AO3 link (pending)

Summary- Patton goes through an Emo phase and decides to hang out with the most notorious kids at school, going so far as to try to date their leader.

Relationships- Janus&Patton (Moceit), Remus/Virgil (Dukexiety)

Word Count- 5.4k

Content Warnings- swearing, mild description of injury, mild sexual innuendos

This is my @sanderssidesgiftxchange gift for @lily-janus 💛💙 I really hope you like it! Also a shout out to @infinitesimal-dna for beta reading and putting up with my shenanigans.

“I just don't get it!” Patton frantically paced the small patch of faded pale blue carpet that was visible in his cluttered room, “I literally caught them with cigarettes and lighters in the bathroom- how did they weasel out of detention this time?”

Roman barely looked up from the script in his hand as he lounged on Patton’s bed, “I don't know. Remus didn't say when Mom picked us up. They weren't going to hurt anyone but themselves.”

“Lighters start fires- they could have caused a fire alarm and some freshman could have been trampled in the ensuing panic while the science wing burned down-” Patton whipped back to face Roman who remained unperturbed. 

“And none of that happened. You saved the day, Padre. Why can't you just be happy about that?”

“Because they didn't get in trouble!” Patton crossed his arms tight over his chest and resumed his pacing, “why turn in the bad kids if they're just going to be let go?”

“Sounds like you want to put my brother in jail,” Roman snickered and briefly looked up, “I don't know why. Why do you snitch on them?” Roman countered

Patton bit down hard on his lip before taking a measured breath, “I am not snitching. They just keep breaking the rules in front of me.”

“I think you just want Janus to notice you. Trust me, he does, sweetie. Remus won't stop complaining about how much the goodie two shoes need to fu- leave them alone,” Roman replies, remembering too late the household ban on swears.

“SHH! Don’t let Mom hear you.” Patton whispered tersely, “you’re wrong. I don’t care what any of them think about me– especially not Janus.”

Roman snorted, “Yeah, right. That’s why you’re constantly tattling on him. Didn’t anyone ever tell you that when a boy’s mean to you that means he likes you?”

Patton stopped in his tracks and turned back to face Roman, “That’s… completely untrue.”

Roman rolled his eyes, flipping a page lazily, “Just keep telling yourself that, Padre. I bet if you just asked he’d go out with you.”

“I’m not gay and I don’t want to go out with him,” Patton countered, “will you please just be quiet? My mom would kick you out in two seconds for being a quote ‘bad influence’ if she heard you right now.”

“Mmm fine. Alright. I won’t talk about your obvious crush on Mr. Tall, Dark and Mysterious.”

“I am not- Why don’t you understand that not everyone has to like guys?” 

Roman sat up, “I’m not saying everyone. I just know you, Patt. You don’t like girls. You’ve turned down like twenty of them since homecoming last year. So if you don’t like girls, that just leaves guys. I know you don’t feel comfortable bringing a bf home because of the witch, but you’ve at least got to let yourself consider the possibility.”

“Maybe I just haven’t met the right girl,” Patton replied, not sounding as convincing as he should have to shut down the conversation.

Roman chuckled, “sure. Because she’s actually a boy named Janus and you’re looking in the wrong places.”

“Roman!”

“Just ask him!”

“He hates me. And I don’t like him.”

“You absolutely fucking do!”

“Roman!” Patton hissed, flinching as he could hear his mother’s footsteps coming down the hallway. “Now you’ve done it-” he muttered as the bedroom door clicked and swung open.

“Patton, sweetie. What’s our rule for having friends over?” his mother asked from the door, a falsely sweet and disarming voice cutting through the tension of the argument.

Patton turned, “they need to follow house rules and not distract from school work…”

“That’s right. If I’m not mistaken, I believe I heard Mr. Prince here swearing. That is no way to speak to others, is it?” 

“No, ma’am,” Patton replied, head hung in defeat. 

She turned towards Roman, “Exactly. I’m sorry dear, but you need to leave and reevaluate your vocabulary and manners if you want to spend time with my son.”

“Sorry, Patt,” Roman murmured as he grabbed his backpack and walked past to leave, “tomorrow. Just do it.” 

Patton sighed with exasperation, “Please, Mom, let him stay? He didn’t mean to-”

“You know the rules, Patton. I think it’s about time you got started on your homework,” she brushed him off, escorting Roman out to the front door. 

Patton waited until he heard the front door shutting before closing his bedroom door to get started on his work, trying to tune out his racing thoughts about school. 

___ ___ ___

 Janus slumped against the lockers, ignoring the dirty look from Susan next to him when he accidentally shut hers for her. It wasn’t his fault her locker was so close to Virgil’s. He gripped the head of his cane to keep it from sliding into the throng of students that would trample and crack it without a second thought. The polished wooden cane had cost a fortune, stained black with a yellow snake carved around the shaft up to the handle. He'd refused to adopt a medical-looking metal bully magnet and protected his aide fiercely. Janus silently watched Virgil picking out text books for the next class.

“What a bitch, right?” he asked once Virgil had noticed him. 

Virgil nodded sagely, “Yeah. Who’re we talking about this time?”

Janus smirked, “Mrs. Hansen, of course. It’s like she doesn’t even care that I don’t give a fuck about Physics.”

“She held you after class again? That bitch!” Virgil gaped, closing his locker, “that is so messed up. You should tell the VP that she’s not respecting your accommodations, right?”

“Like he ever cared the twenty thousand other times someone tried to make life harder,” Janus scoffed, glancing at the disturbance coming down the hallway and opting not to warn Virgil.

With all the subtlety of a tornado, Janus watched as Remus pinned Virgil to the lockers, dropping his backpack at Janus’ feet in his hurry to get hands on the boy. Virgil grunted in surprise, pushing back against the attack until he recognized the lips pressed harshly into his neck.

“Rem-! Oh my god!” Virgil laughed breathlessly, “I told you not at school, motherfucker!”

Remus looked up with a devious grin, “and? Your mother said she loved it.”

“Gross,” Virgil chuckled and pulled his boyfriend into a tight hug, “I missed you.”

Janus rolled his eyes, pushing the discarded backpack away with the tip of his cane, “It’s been all of an hour since you two last molested each other in front of the entire school.”

“Jealous, Jannie?”

“Utterly green with envy,” Janus sighed, noticing the crowd in the hall thinning rapidly, “are you done playing tongue hockey yet?”

“Never,” Remus laughed and turned back to Virgil, cutting off his protests with a filthy kiss.

“I’m honestly surprised you haven’t figured out how to make gay love babies yet,” Janus replied, carefully readjusting his treasured suede gloves. The crowds of students dissipated and doors shut as the bell for the next period rang through the now empty halls.

Janus nudged the pair, “Biology will have to wait. Let's get going.”

“Oh come on!” Remus whined, “just tell Mr. Sawan you got held back and we're helping you-”

“It's not a lie for once,” Virgil added, leaning down to grab Remus' bag.

“And they say I'm the bad influence,” Janus scoffed, grabbing his cane to start towards class. Virgil and Remus reluctantly followed, careful to give him space to walk. 

Janus wasn't actually eager to get to class. Everyone always stared when he walked in late, despite arriving late by necessity every day. The scrutiny felt absolutely miserable. 

As they neared the stairs down to the mathematics wing, Janus paused to let the couple go first. The last thing he wanted was to slip all the way down into a concussion.

“Hey!” A voice called loudly from down the hall, “aren't you supposed to be in class?”

Janus glanced over and swore quietly at the sight of the world's most annoying goody two shoes coming towards them.

“Patton. Where do you think we're going?” He asked in a lazy drawl.

“Yeah, calm your tits,” Remus added less than helpfully.

Patton frowned, glancing down at his chest for a brief moment, “I don't have- the bell rang five minutes ago. You're supposed to be in class. I bet you're out here trying to smoke and ditch class.”

“How? You stole my lighter yesterday,” Virgil snarked back, arms crossed tightly over his chest.

“It’s against school policy-” Patton started.

“What's against policy is a student trying to police other students. I literally cannot walk the halls when everyone else is running around,” Janus spoke up, standing up straighter. “We'd have made it by now if you hadn't interrupted us.”

“You liar. You're just messing around to get out of class,” Patton accused, stepping closer as if to intimidate Janus.

He laughed, “we have this discussion once a week! If I didn't know better, I would think you're going out of your way to flirt with me.”

An inscrutable look passed over Patton’s face, freckles melting into a soft flustered blush. “I am not!” Patton whispered hoarsely.

“Then we'll just be on our way,” Janus sneered, starting down the first step, cane first.

“Hey!” Patton gasped, reaching for Janus’s shoulder. Janus flinched at the unexpected touch, shifting to toss Patton as far from him as possible.

Unfortunately, this sent the boy careening down the flight of stairs.

“Shit!” Janus exclaimed,  watching in horror and slight mesmerism as Patton came to a halt on the first landing.

“You killed him!” Remus cackled with glee at the possibility.

“Jan- what the fuck?” Virgil asked, not sure if he should move to help Patton or not.

Janus glanced down the hall, and seeing no one, made his decision.

“Virgil, help me get him to the nurse.” he instructed. “Remus, get to class and tell them Virgil and I cannot make it. Give as little context as possible, got it?”

Remus nodded and hurried to the class.

Janus hurried down the steps as fast as he could manage to the place Patton lay on the stairs.

“Wh- why?” Patton murmured, cradling his shoulder, “I- I wasn't-”

“Next time don't touch people without permission,” Janus snapped, reaching to pick  Patton up, “can you walk?”

“I- I think so?” Patton winced, trying to sit up with both of the others pulling him up, “d-don't pull my arm, please.”

Janus nodded, “right, let's go, before you die or something.”

“Good going, Jan,” Virgil groaned as Patton leaned more heavily against him.

“Shut it, Vi. I didn't do anything.”

The walk down the rest of the stairs and to the nurse's office felt impossibly long and arduous, as Patton moved slower than even Janus. And he moaned in pain at each jostle to his arm.

“You're going to be okay,” Virgil chewed at his cheek, “it wasn't that bad of a fall.”

“I- I hope so,” Patton murmured, “why are the bad kids helping me?”

Janus rolled his eyes, “who said we're bad?”

“I- you always get in trouble,” Patton tried to explain.

“Yeah. Because you're always trying to get us in trouble,” Virgil scoffed.

“I don't expect you to understand, Patton,” Janus stopped as they reached the nurse’s office, “ but sometimes people just don't think like you.”

Patton nodded then tried to walk into the office, “thanks, I guess.”

Janus rolled his eyes, turning to head back to class, only to be confronted with the imposing figure of the school vice principal.

“What's this, then?”

“Oh- sir, I can explain,” Janus offered hastily.

“You will,” the man nodded, pointing towards his office, “If you please, Mr. Shephard.”

Virgil fiddled with his sleeves, “It was completely an accident. We were just helping Patton.”

“He fell down the stairs after slipping on a spilled water bottle,” Janus protested, already tired of walking, “I think he hit his head so we didn't want to leave him alone before he could get over here.”

“I see,” the man eyed the two, “is that so?”

“Yes. That's what happened.” Janus nodded emphatically. He watched the disciplinarian's face to see if he bought the story.

“Get to your class,” the vice principal barked, and the two wasted no time disappearing down the hallway.

___ ___ ___

Patton stirred and sat gingerly up in bed. A needle of pain shot through his shoulder at the weight pressed on it. 

“Oh- f-”

“Patton!” His mother stood at the door to his room with a sour look on her face.

“I was going to say ‘fudge’,” Patton gritted his teeth.

“Honestly, when did I raise such a delinquent?” She shook her head and barged her way in, “bullying other students and now swearing? Certainly nothing I taught you.”

“Mom!”

“I won't hear it. Luckily, some of your classmates collected your homework assignments for you. Behave yourself with them,” she scolded.

“I'm not a bully,” Patton muttered, gazing up at the ceiling as though the stucco could offer him the strength to endure her accusations.

“For the record, no one said you were but her. I don’t know why she thinks that,” Patton looked back to the door sharply, finding his mother replaced with Virgil standing slouched against the frame, a book bag slung over one shoulder. “Hey- I hope it's okay I- let's not worry about how I knew your address. How… are.. you?”

“I've been better. The doctor poked and prodded me a lot yesterday.” 

“Yikes…”

Patton nods, “I’ll be back in school by Monday. Unless I go completely loopy in the head. But I think the sprain in my shoulder is worse. Is Janus okay?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. He was tired from all the running around but like.. I don’t think he’s mad at you, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Virgil glanced back to the door before leaning closer to ask, “is she always like that?”

Patton nodded, “yeah… that’s my mom for you.”

Virgil swung his bag onto the bed, “alright, well, I’ve got your homework for the classes you missed.. And I thought you might like some music to pass the time? It’s the kind I listen to when I get really upset,” Virgil explained with a pointed look as he pulled a disk in a clear cover out of the bag with the school books, “just.. Let me know what you think if you do. I’m really sorry about what happened.”

“It’s not your fault, Virge-” Patton shook his head and then winced, “thank you, though.”

“No worries. I- uh.. Look forward to seeing you..? Yeah. Get better soon.”

Patton watched as Virgil exited his bedroom, confused why he of any of the kids at school brought him make up work. He examined the CD, turning it to read the sharpie writing, a list of songs with artists listed in incomprehensible initials. He turned the case over, noticing a small piece of paper tucked under the CD inside the case. Intrigued, he pried the case open and popped the CD out, laying it on the blanket. He retrieved the small folded paper from his lap, carefully picking it apart. 

I didn’t push you down the stairs. I also did not try to help you after you tripped. If you tell anyone I did, I won’t hesitate to make you regret it. -J

Patton frowned, confused by the note. He tossed it aside and pulled out his portable CD player to listen to the mixtape without his mom listening in. He laid back, letting the beats and melodies wash over him. As he listened, an idea started to form, one of which he was barely conscious.

___ ___ ___

“Are you insane?” Roman stared far more openly than other students in the hall. Patton shrugged and pushed past his friend to his locker.

“I’m just trying something new,” Patton replied, hanging his backpack up and picking out books for the first class. He tried very hard to not express frustration when the bookbag caught on the spikes sticking out of one of his many new bracelets. 

“You look ridiculous. You hate black! What is going on?” 

“I can wear whatever I want, Ro. You sound like my mother right now.” 

That shut Roman’s protests up quickly. Patton hummed to himself, reaching into the bag to pull out a brand new makeup pallet made of browns and blacks, picking the darkest shade to dab onto his eyelids.

“How hard did you hit your head?” Roman asked, staring in even more shock and disbelief. 

“My head is fine, Roman. I told you I’m trying something new,” Patton explained.

“Oh Hey! When did you get hot, Pat-Pat?” Remus yelled, dragging Virgil behind him from down the hall.

“Woah- Patton, are you okay?” Virgil asked as they reached him and Roman at the lockers. 

“Looks like Jannie knocked some sense into him. Hot damn!” Remus leered, earning a smack on the shoulder from Virgil and Roman. 

“Guys, I am fine. I promise. I wanted to see how my mom would take it,” Patton offers, not so subtly searching the halls.

“Right. Suuuuuuure,” Remus giggled, “just remember that Virgie is mine,” he snaps playfully, “I don’t share and I certainly don’t do threesomes.” Remus winked, sending a shiver of disgust running down Patton’s spine. “Congrats, baby emo.”

“If you need to talk or something,” Virgil managed to offer before getting swept away by Remus.

Roman sighed, “Seriously, do you want to talk?”

“I’ll be fine, Ro. I’m still me. I just... I don’t know. It felt right this morning,” Patton offers as explanation.

“Well, you know where to find me. And if this is some ploy to get Janus to like you- it won’t work-” 

“I don’t care if he likes me,” Patton protests, “this isn’t about him.”

“It’s not?” Janus asked in a smooth voice, standing behind Patton as if he appeared there from thin air.

“Janus!” Patton whipped around, “how- when did you- um, hi.” he stammered.

Roman laughed and clapped Patton on the shoulder, “good luck, Romeo. See you at lunch.” He walked away still laughing as Patton blushed and tried to shake the teasing off.

Janus watched curiously. He certainly would never have predicted that Patton would show up in an all black pretend-emo costume. Amazing really how people could still surprise him. 

“I promise that Roman doesn’t know what he’s talking about-” Patton tried to recover his composure.

“He never does. Poor Remus got all the interesting and useful brains,” Janus sighed, examining his gloved hand nonchalantly. “Even if this were some ploy for my attention, I wouldn’t be interested just because you changed clothes and painted your nails.”

“That implies you would be interested in different circumstances,” Patton pointed out.

“Would I? I never said that. You understood my message, right?” Janus asked, changing topics quickly.

Patton nodded, “I- yes, I understood. You didn’t have to threaten me. Everyone thinks I broke my head and wouldn’t believe me saying either thing.” 

“Correct. No use spreading rumors,” Janus smirked.

“Janus?” 

“What?” 

“Do you think I’m a bad person?” Patton asked quietly.

Janus took a moment to think over the question, “Why are you asking me?”

“Because I think you’re probably the person I’ve hurt the most.”

Janus laughed, “Oh please. Like you could hurt me. Since when do you care about my opinions?”

“I don’t know- I’m really trying something new here, Janus.” Patton worried his lip between his teeth. 

“I see. I notice,” Janus nodded and turned to head towards class.

“Janus? Do I… seem like I have a crush on you?”

Janus stopped in his tracks, turning back slowly, “Do you have one?”

Patton shrugged his one good shoulder, “Roman says I must have one. I’m not sure. How do I figure it out?”

Janus studied the black clad teen he would have sworn had it out for him just two days ago. Who was he to answer this kind of question? And why wouldn’t he just ask Roman, the prince of failed relationships?

“I don’t know. Go on a date with me?” Janus was just as surprised at the words leaving his lips as Patton looked hearing them.

“Wait- really?”

“Yes. We can go out tonight. No need to make it formal. Just black, not black tie.” Janus nodded. It surprised him just how calm and collected he felt, proposing a romantic time together. 

Patton hummed, “um.. I assume Virgil… gave you my address,” he replied diplomatically, “would you be able to pick me up.”

“Yes. 9 o’clock?”

Patton nodded, “yeah, that works. I’ll see you then?”

Janus smiled just a bit mischievously, “yes, you will. Good luck in school today. Everyone is going to notice.”

“Notice what?” Patton asked.

“This.” Janus smirked and leaned forward, planting a lipstick stained kiss on Patton’s cheek, turning to leave just as the first bell rang out. 

Patton stood frozen like a deer, slowing reaching up to touch his cheek, “oh, shit-”

___ ___ ___

“Uh, Jannie?”

“Yes, Remus?”

“Where the fuck are we going?” Remus asked, hanging on the back of Janus’ seat.

Janus inhaled slowly, “We’re picking up my date for tonight.”

“Since when do you date?” Virgil asked, lounging in the back seat and scrolling on his phone.

“Since this morning,” Janus answered, “You two just made it look so fun I had to give it a try.”

“Ooooooooh,” Remus absolutely beamed, “so who’s the lucky virgin?”

“Come on, Re. Don’t assume,” Virgil chided, trying to pull his boyfriend back to the back seat. “Wait- I recognize this street-”

“Just shut up,” Janus growled, “You’re the ones who wanted me to date. He’s harmless and might even like me.”

“So you’re trying to go out with the guy who made our lives hell for over a year?” Virgil asked.

“I’m not being some sort of saint, I’m just curious about what Patton’s going through.”

“I’ll cancel the wedding bells,” Remus cackled as they pulled up to the door. The headlights swept over the porch, revealing Patton sitting outside in the dark. He popped up, rushing over to the passenger side of the car.

“Hey Janus- and… Virgil and Remus? What?” Patton squinted at the couple in the back seat, “is this.. A double date?”

“Somewhat. Get in,” Janus commanded, ignoring the snickering from the back seat. 

Patton climbed in and sat down, confused but not about to back out now. Not when Roman would roast him for failing to go on the first date he’s ever been asked out on. Janus pulled out of the driveway and continued on in relative quiet.

“So… where are we going?” Patton asked, a little too bright for his dark exterior. 

“You’ll see,” Janus replied cryptically.

Patton nodded and fell silent, watching the road slip by as they drove along.

“Woof. The chemistry is just bubbling,” Remus snarked after a few minutes of quiet, sitting back to cuddle into Virgil.

Virgil laughed softly, “give them time. I’m sure it’s just first date awkwardness.” He wrapped his arms around Remus and held him close.

Janus turned down a residential street and flicked off the headlights, “Well, Patton, since you’re exploring new countercultures, I figured it would be a good idea to bring you along to a protest.”

“A protest? At night?” Patton asked, fear glinting in his eyes, “what kind of protest?”

“One against ableism in the education system,” Virgil grinned, grabbing cartons of eggs from the floor of the back seat.

“Yeah! We’re gonna show that bitch what it feels like!” Remus crowed, opening the door before Janus could put the car in park and banging impatiently on the trunk. Virgil piled out as well as Janus parked and grabbed the latch to open the trunk for them. 

“This… is illegal, isn’t it?” Patton worried, glancing around the street to see if they had been spotted yet.

“Very.” Janus nodded, “but, lucky us that the Virus have the dirty work covered. We’re just lookouts tonight. Mrs. Hansen has been violating my disability accommodations. That makes my life harder when I end up missing the beginning of class because of the crowds in the hallway. So we’re making her morning a bit harder.”

“Oh.. that’s why you three were in the hallway during class time the other day?” Patton asked, voice softening at the realization.

“Yes. Sometimes we wait until after the bell anyway but she still shouldn’t be holding me back like that,” Janus explained.

“I’m sorry- I didn’t realize that,” Patton offered quietly, wincing as Remus started chucking raw eggs at the car in the driveway.

“Relax, Patton. They’re just letting off steam. I swear they would have burned the school down by now if I didn’t try to aim them at productive activities,” Janus chuckled, glancing down the road for any observers.

“Right. So… this is a date… why don’t you tell me about yourself?” Patton turned in his seat to face Janus. 

Janus slowly turned his head, “what do you want to know?”

“Um, I’m not sure. I’ve never done this before,” Patton laughed nervously, “maybe… when did you know that you’re gay?”

Janus snorted at that, “I still don’t know. You’re the first boy I’ve tried to date. You’d think hanging out around the twins would make that sort of question easy, right?”

“Right! Like, I’ve known Roman really well for years and he sure seems to know… some of what he wants. But I just don’t know how he understands what a crush is versus wanting to be friends.”

“Those two make it seem like you meet someone and suddenly they’re the only thought in your head ever,” Janus nodded to the couple who were busy laying out toilet paper strips in the shape of a penis on the hood of the car, “I’ve never understood it.” 

“Do you.. Feel that way about me?” Patton asks, “since you’re the one who asked me out.”

“Frankly, I find your change of aesthetic rather intriguing. And you seem willing to challenge some of your bullshit ideas right now, so why not?” Janus shrugs, “maybe I just want attention and don’t give a fuck about who you are. You can never know.”

Patton looked down towards his hands, folded neatly in his lap, “I think I’ve been jealous of you all.”

“How so? You seemed adamant about reporting us to the school like a narc for the past year,” Janus challenged.

“Because things like egging teacher’s houses and smoking in the hallways can cause problems for people! But, I do like how you all express yourselves.”

“Really?”

“Right. You just… get to be weird and stand out in classes. You get away with a disturbing amount of rule breaking. It seems really freeing,” Patton sighed softly, “Maybe I’m thinking about it wrong. I’ve just always felt terrified of disappointing people, and in just one day I’ve been able to disappoint almost everyone.”

“So, you’re just dressing emo to make people upset, not to express yourself?”

“I mean- maybe partially?” Patton shrugged, “I never knew you all were this criminal-”

“Patton-”

“And… I think it’s maybe hot that you all stand up for yourselves despite what people think of you?” Patton says shyly, more of a question than an opinion.

“I didn’t bring you along to impress you with like that-”

“No?”

“I thought giving Virgil and Remus a target would give us some time alone,” Janus explains.

“Time  alone to do what?” Panton leaned a bit closer.

“What we’re doing now, talking.”

“That’s all you wanted to do with me?” Patton asked, head tilted a bit.

“Did you want to kiss me?” 

“Patton-”

Patton leaned in even closer until the backdoor slammed open, sending him scrambling back to his seat, blushing bright red.

“Drive- Neighbor might be calling the cops.” Remus replied, out of breath.

Virgil nodded and Janus jumped into action to get away from the crime scene. 

“Looked like a productive date,” Remus teased as Janus slowed back down to avoid suspicion.

“Wow what a rush!” Patton exclaimed. 

“Adrenaline wasn’t the point,” Janus reminded him, “Are you two ready to head home?”

“Yeah, Remus’ please,” Virgil nods.

Remus spent the car ride back to his place giving the lookouts a play by play of the night, with Virgil interjecting with certain facts and figures.. Janus soon dropped the pair off and the silence settled between him and Patton. 

“I just… you guys get away with bad behavior all the time. I wish I could do that the same as you,” Patton spoke up eventually.

Janus sighed and pulled the car over again, this time near a park, “Do you even care about why we do that stupid shit?”

“Well, tonight was about getting back at Mrs. Hansen, right? For treating you badly,” Patton recalled.

“And skipping class is because it’s too overwhelming to sit still learning useless crap with a bunch of jerks who know nothing about what it’s like to try and navigate when your feet don’t just take you to where you need to go. They don’t care that it hurts to walk and it’s just safer to take my time with friends by my side to catch me.”

“I-”

“You just see me as some bad boy to upset people with. You don’t care how I feel about it, do you?” Janus challenged.

“That’s not true-” Patton tried to protest. 

“I’m not some average petty sinner to disappoint your family with at the holidays. I actually have feeling and wants and needs and I just- I-”

Patton reached over to take one of Janus’ hands, “It’s okay. I-I didn’t want to use you, Janus. Not in the long run. Sure, I wanted to experiment and see if Roman’s right about crushes, but I don’t want to trap you in a relationship you won’t enjoy. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Janus looked away, trying to pull his hand free.

“Just remember that you asked me out tonight. So, I thought that kisses were something you’re supposed to do on dates. Can we try again without interruptions this time? See if… well, if we’ll like that sort of thing?”

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Yes, yes I am. You are not a manic pixie dream boy or the dangerous rebel to scare my mom with. You’re Janus. And I don’t know you very well because I’ve never tried to get to know you. But we’re on a date. It’s past curfew. I think you at least deserve a chance at something properly romantic, since defacing property was just the distraction to keep Remus and Virgil busy. It’s too late to get food anywhere. So maybe we can try a kiss and start over again in the morning?”

Janus blinked, trying to process all of that at once. “Um… no.”

“No?” Patton sat back immediately, “did I do something wrong?”

“Not necessarily, I just… you asking makes it very clear to me that I don’t want to kiss you, Patton.” Janus tried to explain.

Patton nodded, “okay. I- actually, thank you? I- I was so scared…”

Janus chuckled softly, “I don’t think we’re crushing on each other. I’m not sure why not. But I’m glad you agree.” 

Patton nodded emphatically this time, “I very much don’t want to be the awkward one. I think… it would feel wrong or empty to try. And that’s not your fault-”

“I get it. I agree. We tried. Dating just… isn’t in our cards,” Janus laughed a bit more at that, “let me take you home?”

“Yes please. Maybe at school… we can just say hi?”

“That would be much more pleasant.”

Patton sighed softly and leaned back in the passenger seat, “I won’t tell about the eggs and toilet paper, by the way. Maybe I should ask Mrs. Hansen why she’s not letting you leave for class on time?”

Janus smiled, “That could be helpful. Maybe she just needs to see one of the responsible students concerned on our behalf.”

“Would have been a lot less illegal if you just asked me to do that in the first place,” Patton giggled, “It makes more sense than vandalism.”

“But throwing trash at her house is fun,” Janus grins, starting the car again.

“It may be fun. But there are much better outlets for the anger, I would think.” Patton grinned.

“Maybe you’ll be a good acquaintance after all,” Janus mused, pulling back out onto the road to take his definitely-not-a-date back home.

[tss-storytime]

TSS Storytime 2023 Posting Schedule

Hey everyone, we're entering the last exciting phase of this year's Big Bang! Posting is just around the corner and the schedule is finally here :D

We can't wait to see what you've created!

To make sure everyone sees your posts (and so we can reblog it) please tag the tumblr @tss-storytime and use the tag #tssstorytimesubmission2023. (Janus would love all those sss!)

You can also add it to the AO3 collection TSS Storytime! Big Bang 2023 if you want. Happy creating <3

(schedule below the cut)

Week 1

Tuesday, August 1st

the-princey-pie | pizza-box-raccoon

Wednesday, August 2nd

typically-untypical | webratjen

Thursday, August 3rd

prince-rowan-of-the-forest | anxious-mess-19

Friday, August 4th

canvas-the-florist | cha0tic-g0ld

Saturday, August 5th

the-panmixxia | im-an-anxious-wreck

Sunday, August 6th

annaizscribbling | incognetomisquito

Monday, August 7th

xaviersfandomwriting | shadow-rhelm

Week 2

Tuesday, August 8th

tulipscomeinallsortsofcolours | prince-rowan-of-the-forest

Wednesday, August 9th

groovyghostie | creative-lampd-liberties

Thursday, August 10th

spacesandsnakes | dillydallydove

Friday, August 11th

golden-songbird | thefloofinator

Saturday, August 12th

simple-serenade | bitemarx

Sunday, August 13th

touyubesposts | pizza-box-raccoon

Monday, August 14th

dillydallydove | thecrowslullaby

Week 3

Tuesday, August 15th

glacierruler | doteddestroyer

im-an-anxious-wreck | thefloofinator

Wednesday, August 16th

fangirlwriting-stories | anxious-mess19

esperinkdraws | blank-ace

Thursday, August 17th

ccss10987 | hyperfixated-homo

petrichor110 | diamondwind99

Friday, August 18th

webratjen | thebestworstidea

Saturday, August 19th

lovelylogans | tastic-inits-finest

Sunday, August 20th

theimprobabledreamersworld | logarhythm-bees

Monday, August 21st

vinbee631 | nandysparadox

krowfics | onthevirgeofdestruction

Week 4

Tuesday, August 22nd

edupunkn00b | lost-in-thought-20

i-will-physically-fight-you | virgeandhis-pocket-protector

Wednesday, August 23th

nameinthewriter | im-an-anxious-wreck

anxiousgaypanicking | reddevilproductions

Thursday, August 24th

infinitesimal-dna | thecrowslullaby

lily-janus | bonker-bananas

Friday, August 25th

lost-in-thought-20 | justa-regularblogger

scare-amor | thebestworstidea

Saturday, August 26th

logarhythm-bees | ronithesnail

olliedollie1204 | i-will-physically-fight-you

Sunday, August 27th

leithlovesyou | queer-and-colorful

Monday, August 28th

brainlicking | holyfuckthisfishcandrive

Week 5

Tuesday, August 29th

asoftervirge | purplecrayonismine

full-of-roman-angst-trash | ronithesnail

Wednesday, August 30th

thebestworstidea | ashtonisvibing

Thursday, August 31st

meadowofbluebells | specs-and-capelets

[beauty-and-passion]

Fanders Sides Season 3: The Asides

Hello dears,

after the introductory post about FSS3 and before starting with the actual episodes, I wanted to write a short post about the Asides too.

As you all know, recently Mr. Sanders moved a few episodes here and there: random stuff became part of the Asides, while ATHD, FWSA and WTIT became main series episodes. Why did it take him so long to realize they were following the plot more than other videos? No idea.

But even though Mr. Sanders seems to find it a bit difficult to distinguish between main series episodes and Asides, the fandom on the other hand seems to know pretty well what the difference is and your suggestions in the survey have been AMAZING.

This is why I wanted to write this post: to expand on some of your best ideas. But also to offer you this post as a starting point. If you have even more ideas/thoughts/concepts for other possible Asides episodes, feel free to add them with a message or a reblog. We can go on forever with great suggestions.

Once again, I applied the same three rules I talked about in the introductory post:

to write something in the real of human/editing possibilities

it should be an idea that can be developed in a 20-minute-long video

no ships

_______________________________

The promised rap battle

During Am I ORIGINAL?, Logan had the best rap battle of all time and in the end, he said Patton would be the next one he would “fight”.

So this Aside will be the match Logan wanted. He will crush Patton with great verses, amazing flow and sick burns.

Patton, on the other hand, won’t take any offense at all and reply with puns. Just. So. Many. Puns.

Will Logan still win? Will the puns be enough to defeat him? Will he start using the power of puns too? Will this battle turn into a huge battle of puns? Will Patton have fun regardless of the result?

You decide on the answers to all of these questions, except for the last one. Because we all know Patton would enjoy some quality time with Logan.

_______________________________

The very normal vlog

This episode is a very normal vlog in which Thomas talks about very normal stuff happening in his life and the Core Sides comments/offers suggestions as always.

So Logan says Thomas should've remembered that doing X thing wasn't great. Thomas replies that it was an infinitesimal mistake.

Patton compliments Thomas with a pun. Thomas replies with another pun.

Roman tells Thomas they should strive for greater things. Thomas says that they should start by improving their acting skills.

Virgil reminds Thomas that trying new things can be challenging and he can fail. Thomas says that it won't be as bad as Virgil's make-up.

Virgil is caught off guard by this, but before he can comment, Thomas ends the episode and sends them all away. Only after the Sides disappeared, he said goodbye to his viewers and turned off the camera, only then he reveal himself as Janus.

Janus stretches, snaps his fingers and says he's still the best liar of all time, before leaving.

The episode ends with Thomas, who is still sleeping in his bed. He suddenly jolts up: "Oh my gosh", he yells, "I need to do a video!”

Bam, start intro.

_______________________________

The troll

An April fools episode titled “Am I the ASSHOLE???” and the whole video is over dramatic and makes fun of tropes, also is poorly shot.

This is the original post of @dillydallydove from which this person took the idea. And it's hilarious, I love it.

_______________________________

The most serious argument ever

A prequel episode set when Virgil was still one of the Dark Sides and centered on an argument they have.

You can choose whatever topic you want, but it should be the stupidest argument ever. And the dark boys should all act as if it’s the most important topic in the world, nothing is more important than this topic and nothing is more important than proving the others are ALL wrong.

Follows shenanigans, Janus pretending to mediate only to say something and add more fuel to the chaos, Virgil trying to prove his point with extra convoluted thoughts, Remus throwing stuff around only to add more chaos, Orange sending death threats.

Bonus points if they manage to set something on fire without matches.

_______________________________

Grocery shopping

Thomas going grocery shopping with his Sides.

Logan is in charge: he wants to put just healthy food in the cart.

Patton begs Logan for at least one single pack of cookies ("Thomas needs them, as a treat!").

Roman checks for the most aesthetically pleasing packages and the ones with the most promises, no matter how far-fetched they are ("Logan, this shampoo will make Thomas' hair fluent and shiny! And this cereal mix will make him taller! We must buy them!").

Virgil disappears for entire minutes, then comes back with a full emergency kit, a new alarm system, pepper spray and a blanket. When Logan asks him why, he replies that the safety stuff it's necessary, while the blanket is for him because it will help him stay calm, once Thomas starts handling this stuff.

Remus runs all over the grocery store, then comes back with different stuff: the first time with the biggest zucchini and carrots he can find, then with sticks and poles. Then, with all the different brands of condoms he can find. Then with lubricants. He says Thomas needs them and drops everything in the cart.

Janus pretends to help Logan, but also sneaks stuff behind other stuff: shorter boxes behind taller ones, chocolate chips under a bag of vegetables and so on. When Logan finds out, Janus picks a bottle of wine and puts it on the conveyor belt. Logan sighs and lets everything go.

Thomas, who went to the grocery store to buy one bag of apples, comes back home with a bag of carrots, a bag of zucchini, 2 boxes of cookies, 3 new shampoos, a pack of condoms, a new emergency kit, two cereal boxes, a blanket and a bottle of wine. And no apples.

_______________________________

The game night

The episode has the structure of a game show, in which every Side has to answer questions about the other Sides, in order to win an amazing prize.

Logan tries to use his intuition, but it doesn't always work.

Patton replies with kind, good, nice answers and everyone feels bad about telling him he's wrong, so he somehow wins.

Roman has no idea, so he drops the first thing that pops into his mind and fails miserably.

Virgil mumbles something, then says he doesn't know/it's stupid/he doesn't want to reply. Somehow, ends up second after Patton.

Janus straight out lies about everything and somehow he's right. But everyone refuses to acknowledge he's right.

Remus throws the most sexual ideas and argues about who has the longest dick. Somehow, he ends up being just one step above Roman. No one understands how, Roman first.

In the end, the amazing price was the last piece of pizza.

_______________________________

The "Sides' daily schedule" series

This can be a series of seven videos, in which every Side takes his time to tell us what they do during a normal day of their life.

Logan shows a perfectly organized schedule, down to the second. His routine includes cleaning, organizing, planning, working, writing, reading and a relaxing hobby: chemical reactions.

Remus sneaks in to be his lab assistant. The video ends up with them blowing up something.

Patton's schedule is more relaxed, made of sunshine, happiness, hours spent remembering the past, sad hours, more sad hours - but then Patton gets better, he gets out of his room and meets his friends. And plans a nice time for all of them.

The evening ends with Logan emptying a whole fire extinguisher on the barbecue, because somehow Patton set it on fire.

Roman starts his day by being his most marvelous self, removes his night-time beauty mask, makes his daycare routine, strikes poses, talks about how great he is, goes around slaying monsters and dueling... all in the morning. Then, he sits and the desk and works non-stop for 20 hours straight. Then, he gets up still with his marvelous self, says he has not been “very productive” and goes on a trip to slay more monsters and flirt with beautiful men in distress.

In the end, Remus has to stop him from working even more, by hitting him on the head. He throws Roman on his bed, throws the sheets on him but, before leaving, he never forgets to carefully put on Roman his night-time beauty mask.

Remus' video alternates between him starting to say something, to huge censored parts. Around half of the video, he loudly protests, because he's censored, even when he doesn't say anything sexual. His day includes pissing out Roman, messing with Logan's chemical stuff, obediently sitting and listening to Janus reading him a book, throwing stuff in a volcano, jumping in a river with piranha and 20 different sexual positions all censored.

Virgil's video shows him doing something peacefully, only to suddenly stop, look directly at the viewers and ask them questions. Like: he's peacefully knitting, then he stops, lifts his head and asks: did you turn the stove off? Is it still off? Or is it on? Is your house burning down? Will it burn down before you go to bed? Will you die in your bed?

The questions stop, to show us more of Virgil’s day and his different ways to relax. Some are heavy blankets and knitting, others are push-ups, running like a madman for hours, sleeping like a log, watching horror movies and doing make-up while listening to emo/rock music.

Janus' schedule is weird. The scene before he's walking, then it abruptly cuts to him knitting, then to him halfway into an explanation of a specific part of a book, to him explaining what he will eat. It looks like a series of scenes randomly put together.

Only in the end, we will find out he did it on purpose, because he has no intention of telling what he actually does. So he tells the viewers to have fun with what they have (which is basically nothing), while putting on a beauty mask, a glass of wine in his hand and relaxes into a bathtub.

_______________________________

The "Dressing like each other" series

This can easily end up in another series of videos, in which every Side raids the closet of one Side and they all dress up like him.

Logan's closet should include tons of shirts and lab coats, so they would all dress up like teachers or lab technicians. Roman hates it, Remus loves to dress as a mad scientist.

Patton's closet should include bright colors, funny hats, animal prints everywhere. Either they would dress up as animal lovers or as stereotypical fathers from the 50s. Janus searches everywhere for something that's not bright-colored. In the end, he fights Virgil for the only two gray clothes.

Roman's closet should include rich, embroidered dresses with beautiful details on every piece of fabric. They would end up dressed as members of the court or royalty, with matching, fabulous makeup. Virgil complains and calls it "extra and preppy", only to end up being fabulous.

Virgil's closet should include black, emo, laced dresses for everyone. Also, guyliner and leather/laced matching accessories. Roman complains and calls it "dark and gloomy", only to end up being fabulous.

Janus' closet should include black and yellow dresses, fancy hats, polished shoes and fancy accessories like golden pocket watches, handkerchiefs with embroidered initials and so on. Logan appreciates the formality, Roman the nice details. Virgil calls it "even more extra" and ends up being quite fabulous. (Janus refuses to acknowledge it)

Remus' closet should include the most insane, batshit stuff, possibly put together in the weirdest way. They could end up dressed entirely in fishnet clothes, rainbow clothes, silly costumes or the most baroque, heavy costume ever known to mankind. Also, a shit ton of accessories, wigs, makeup and everything you can think of. Somehow, Janus is the only one who manages to find a coordinated set.

_______________________________

And now, it's up to you!

Do you have more ideas for the Asides? Share them! The weirdest, the strangest, the better! :D

( Support me on Ko-fi )

_______________________________

TAGLIST:

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[virge-the-artist]

going over the 5 year special (even though it's a year old)

I love the throwback to the "youtube time" then his joke about never waking up.

The nicknames are hilarious.

Logan already starting with a glass of wine and saying they only had 9 hours on screen.

Then Patton being extremely excited about everything. Then drinking the wine and censoring himself by saying juice.

Roman being so over dramatic about it and thinking of himself being the favorite side.

Virgil being absolutely over it. Him saying "putting up with me" like he's the worst thing ever then covering it up with saying he had to put up with with others too. Then making a joke about stormy weather. Thomas not understanding at all and Virgil wanted to leave.

Janus's lying is extremely funny. Janus bringing up how Patton couldn't communicate his emotions well and not keeping Thomas 'in check.' Patton's nickname for Janus being Jan. Then he brings up Logan's mistakes and Logan gets a change to use infinitesimal correctly. Janus saying he is Roman's Voltaire to his Rousseau.

"Voltaire's severe criticism and the establishment of a theatre in Geneva through his efforts, gave cause for Rousseau to break with the "Ferney recluse". On 17 June 1760, he wrote him a letter: I don't like you, monsieur. To me, your disciple and enthusiast, you have done the most painful injuries." (from google so it give more definition)

Then Roman not knowing what that means. Janus not saying anything about Virgil other than about his makeup, a throwback to him saying he looks like a raccoon. And pulling up a random wine glass. Virgil getting really angry at Janus but still censoring his words.

Remus's introduction is everything. He's making fun of Roman. Thomas pointing out his emblem (idk who to spell it). Thomas getting ignored with Remus in the first minute. Him asking Remus about his thoughts and regretting it. Him saying the three he was in was fine and almost spoiling what's coming up. Janus's anti spoiler spray being soap and Remus pulling out a knife out of nowhere.

Roman searching it up and being angry that he was insulted.

Janus mistaking Patton as a garbage can.

Logan's glass getting bigger. Him bringing up how no one listens to him.

Remus talking about the mind palace.

Janus and Remus playing DDR and Patton's line in that part, referring to when he forgot his pants. Patton thinking it was a ghost.

Remus calling Roman princey, then wanting it to match with his. So he tells Thomas to change it to pissy.

Roman getting angry at it and insulting his brother. Then pulling a sword out and breaking a vase.

Virgil obviously lying about being better at communicating with the others. Then going back to being a puppet.

Roman saying that Remus might have gone back to hiding in the walls, which is a reference to something but I can't remember what. Then Roman saying who broke that vase, like Joan did. Thomas saying 'nice callback' and Roman getting very defensive about the word.

Virgil being salty about the twelve days of christmas rewrite.

Janus being upset that he wasn't there for any songs.

Virgil suggesting asking Janus about the song lies. Janus yelling about him it being there for a song about lies. Roman complaining about the bubble gum shrimp thing and saying he doesn't know where it came from. Remus saying that he whispered it to him while he slept like it was well know.

Virgil knowing exactly what Roman meant when he says 'millionth base.' Patton acting a bit weird when talking about Nico. Logan saying metal viking like Talon when they kept messing the line.

Virgil bringing up Valorie and saying it was bad and everyone agreeing. Logan feminist confirmed, and his big ass glass of wine.

Patton saying he had a pet. Janus implying the hamster was under his hat.

Virgil pulling out that extremely long list of regrets. Roman's stock image of the wedding. Roman implying he doesn't care about the paper anymore and laughing about it while Logan still regrets it. Remus drinking the 'anti spoiler spray' and having an allergic reaction.

Roman smiling when he said Virgil and the others saying how far he's come. Patton hoping Virgil knows how much they love him, probably going back to when he ducked out. Virgil saying that "it's nice to know that they *think* they feel that way." Basically degrading everything they said, making it seem like they only think that way and don't actually feel that way.

Patton being the dad, Logan being the mom, and Roman being the son. Janus being the aunt, Remus being the uncle, and Virgil being the cousin. Which was a smart way of saying he didn't grow up with them and grew up around his family. Roman getting emotional when he said his only dream was to be a star.

Logan being logical and asking Thomas what he thinks is next. A throw back to DWIT, saying that they all aren't listening to Thomas. So he makes a point to ask Thomas. Roman saying he wants his happy ever after and saying "it was simple." In past tense, implying that it's too late or isn't simple anymore. Patton being optimistic and wanting things to get better. Virgil and Janus's response aren't much, just shows their character more. Remus being completely unserious and Thomas misunderstanding him until he clarifies.

Thomas bringing up how Logan's changed.

The fucking orange in the chair. Basically saying that the orange side will be more prominent and could possibly be announced very soon.

[muppetable]

HI HELLO I MISSED INCORRECT QUOTES DAY SO IM THROWING IN SOME EXTRAS

Roman: Person of interest is almost too flattering.

Roman: Like if a cop knocked on my door and said “A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,” I’d be like, “oOh, moi?? do go on!!”

Logan: *gently taps table *

Roman: *taps back*

Patton: What are they doing?

Virgil: Morse code.

Logan: *aggressively taps table*

Roman: YOU TAKE THAT BACK

Patton: You kidnapped Janus? That’s illegal!

Roman: But, Patton, what’s more illegal? Briefly inconveniencing Janus, or him destroying Thomas’s mental health?

Patton: KIDNAPPING JANUS, ROMAN!

Logan: Patton, listen. No matter what I think of you right now, these guys are counting on you! You inspire them!

Patton: To kidnap people?!

Logan: To work together.

Patton: TO KIDNAP PEOPLE??

Virgil: Patton, we all agreed a half snake side is not a people.

Logan: You know not every problem can be solved with a sword.

Roman: That’s why I carry two swords.

Janus: YOU LYING CHEATING PIECE OF SHIT!!

Roman: OH YEAH??? YOU’RE THE ONE THAT THINKS HE CAN GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING! WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!

Janus: I’M LEAVING YOU, AND I’M TAKING THE KIDS!

Virgil: *picking up the monopoly board* I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

Remus, writing in his diary with a glitter gel pen: Im losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There’s blood on my hands.

Janus: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak. Like, “look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than me. This plant is winning and i’m losing.”

Virgil: Wow. You are NOT ready to hear about trees.

Virgil: What are you doing here?!

Remus: I could ask you the same question!

Virgil: This is my house, I live here.

Remus: I could ask you a different question.

Patton: I can be your partner for the next race.

Roman: Sorry, Patton. It's a sibling race.

Remus: Maybe there's a contest for lonely children after this.

Roman: It's only children, Remus. A lonely child is what you're gonna be when I sell you!

Patton: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.

Remus, Virgil, & Janus: Okay.

Patton: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.

Remus: Bold of you to assume I have money.

Virgil: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.

Janus: Bold of you to assume I can die.

Logan: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.

Patton: I would say infinitesimally.

Roman: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.

Remus: Remember, when burying a body, make sure to cover it with endangered plants so it’s illegal to dig up!

Janus: Make sure to follow me for more gardening tips!

[noblest-roman-of-them-all]

Au where everything is the same except: every time Logan cries, it rains

The statistical likelihood of no one piecing it together seemed infinitesimal, yet here he was thirty-three years old, listening to the rain pattering softly against his window as tears streamed numbly into his pillow. It always rained in the Mind Palace when Logan cried.

It was a mild rain, nothing compared to the thunderstorms he'd brewed in the past, it was calming in a way. Then again there was something to be said of the catharsis of releasing one's pent up emotions.

Thunder rumbled distantly and Logan pressed his face deeper into his pillow.

It still hurt to be ignored.

Still hurt that no one had noticed the pattern. And there was an undeniable pattern. It only rained when he went to bed early and he always slept in the morning after a storm.

Thunder rolled through the sky again, closer this time and Logan clenched his jaw tightly, willing it to all go away.

He rolled onto his back and made himself take a few deep breaths. He closed his eyes and folded his hands over his chest.

In through the nose, out through the mouth.

Again. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

The rain outside began to slow and Logan could feel his body begin to relax into the softness of the bed.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

The rain stopped.

He groaned at the knock on his door and wiped his cheeks on his sleeve, before putting on his glasses and forcing himself out of bed. He blinked in surprise to find Thomas, now clad in his pajamas on the other side of his door. "Thomas, I-"

"Hey- Logan, are you okay?!" Thomas asked suddenly.

"Yes, I- Thomas, what are you doing?" Logan dodged out of the way as Thomas reached for his face.

"Your neck is brusied!"

"Oh." Logan set a hand against his neck and winced. "I hadn't noticed."

"Hadn't noticed?"

"I'm sure it'll heal soon," Logan brushed off the worry radiating from Thomas.

Thomas massaged his brow and groaned. "Okay. Well. That-" he gestured to Logan's neck "-is why I wanted to come check on you. Or. Part of it anyway. Does it hurt at all?"

Logan shrugged. "I didn't notice it," he said again.

"Somehow that doesn't make me feel better." He sighed. "Look, a lot happened tonight. Like...a lot happened tonight. And. I wanted to make sure you were okay and to apologize."

Logan's brow furrowed. "Apologize?"

"Logan, I need you," Thomas said bluntly. "Okay? It doesn't matter how good Janus is at impersonating you, I-"

"His name is Janus?"

Thomas nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, he told us tonight. That's a whole other thing that... It's gonna take time." He sighed. "Logan, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not realizing what had happened sooner, and I'm sorry that we made you feel unwanted tonight. Y'know, I get myself so worked up over things and I lose sight of you. I lose sight of...everything you bring to the table. You help me so often- I'm not even aware of all of it! And that's not fair to you and I'm sorry."

"I-" Logan made himself take a deep breath. "I appreciate that, Thomas. Thank you."

"Are you okay?"

Logan nodded quickly, trying desperately to maintain his composure. "Mhm. Yes, I- I'm fine. Thank you for checking on me, but-"

Thunder boomed and Thomas swung in surprise toward the window.

"Is it raining?"

Logan gasped, trying to hold on a little longer, trying to find his voice again, trying to think of how he could get Thomas out of his room.

"That's weird," Thomas mused. "That came up fast even for us! Huh." He shook his head. "Sorry, didn't mean to get distract-" His face went slack when he turned to find Logan standing in the center of the room, hand clamped over his mouth as silent sobs wracked his body.

Logan shook his head and stepped away as Thomas approached. "No, no, I'm fine, I-"

"Logan. You're not fine. C'mere, buddy." Thomas wrapped his arms over Logan's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Logan croaked and tried to step away.

"Shhh," Thomas soothed and rubbed his back. "It's okay. Just relax, I gotcha, pal."

Logan let out a shuddering breath and tried to do as he was told, resting his head on Thomas's shoulder and gripping first fulls of his hoodie. Eventually he calmed and so did the rain outside.

"You okay?" Thomas asked and thumbed away the moisture from Logan's cheeks.

Logan let out a heavy breath, but nodded. "That helped. Thank you."

Thomas smiled and tousled Logan's hair. "I'm here for ya, buddy. I know I'm not always, not like you are for me, but I wanna work on that. You're important to me, Logan, I never want you to feel otherwise."

"That means a lot to me," Logan answered honestly, not sure of what else to say. Not sure of how to properly express himself.

Thomas smiled softly and seemed to understand. "My sleep schedule is already shot for the night, so you wanna go watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch with me?"

"I'd like that." Logan decided with a nod.

"Great Mouse Detective?"

"Yes. I- I'd like that," he stammered.

Thomas grinned and slung an arm over Logan's shoulders and planted a quick kiss to his temple. "Let's go."

[sanders-sides-feverdream]

Headcannons for musical artists that the sides listen to and reasonings cause yes

Roman:

-MARINA, it just makes sense, yk?

-soccer mommy, idk if you've heard royal screw up by them but god it fits

-Livingston, theres a song about growing up on Pixar and not knowing how to be an adult man idk

-AJR, 7 words, Humpty Dumpty and Aventure is Out There

-Anything from the movie Tick, Tick...Boom!, i dont need an explanation for this

-Ethan Jewell, uhhhhh ✨mental illness✨

Virgil:

-Rainbow Kitten Surprise, im sorry, every single song ive heard fron them reminds me of virgil

-MOTHICA, mental illness + rock/punk esque, her music is fuckin perfect

-Say Anything, idk ab you, but its emo and that shit makes so much sense for him

-Bayside, good emo and also a lot of their songs fit him lol

-The Spill Canvas, many good songs and also a lot that realte to him imo

-Forgive Durden aka Razia's Shadow: the Musical, The Exit is literally just him

Logan:

-The Crane Wives, look me in the eyes and tell me that Never Love an Anchor doesnt describe him

-Gregory and the Hawk, man have you heard Isabelle and In Fact? there's no what it isnt Logan

-Coldplay, vibes

-Sleeping At Last, with so mant songs about space, i couldn't not put them on here

-Mother Mother, here me out, there are so many songs that fit Logan (Infinitesimal, Wisdom, Slip Away, etc.)

-Penelope Scott, ahem Rät

Janus:

-flora cash, tje vibe and also the anxciet angst that is possible with this artist

-The Crane Wives, again, vibes, but also some of the songs make perfect sense for him(metaphor specifically)

-Billie Eillish, there are suprisingly a lot of songs that i think fit him

-Scott Bradley's Postmodern Jukebox, so many recent songs framed as oldies, they can not be here

-Lana Del Ray, all of her music, idk, its the vibes

-Charloette Lawrence, for either God Must Be doing Cocaine or Joke's On You

Remus:

-IC3PEAK, he gives someone who would learn russain idk

-Mindless Self Indulgence, the unsensored shit on their song titles man

-Dazey and the Scouts, just, the song Wet

-Baby Bugs, intrusive thoughts my guy, also again, vibes

-Ashnikko, if not for Slumber Party then for so many of the other songs

-Ludo, if not specifically for Love Me Dead

Patton:

-Alec Benjamin, his music just feels right

-Mal Blum, if not for Fine!

-The Happy Fits, a few of their songs fit him quite well

-Of Monsters and Men, soft vibes and also a lil said i just like it

-Mitski, the ✨angst✨

-dodie, vibes but also more angst

[part-time-zombie]

I always have and always will believe that logans greatest personal mistake (or more accurately its aftermath) was orchestrated by janus through patton, before he was even a concept.

Before you get in the angst train, this is about the "infinitesimal" mishap and nothing else, I'm just a slut for dramatic openers.

Early on in the series, before most of the names were even revealed, logan happened to incorrectly use the word infinitesimal, mistaking it for meaning something very big when it really means something very small. Between the airing of that episode and the next one, which happened to be the q+a video, the true definition of the word was made evident and patton pointed it out. Logan immediately became defensive about it before asking patton how he knows what it meant. Patton only responds with "I know big words" before the topic is abruptly changed.

Most people left the bit at that, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. While patton does seem like the kind to point out another's mistakes, either because he finds them funny or because he didn't think thet were that embarrassing, I don't think he would have known what infinitesimal meant, nor looked it up. (He listed saxophone as the example for big words he knows, I doubt he knows "infinitesimal" by heart)

My theory is that janus told him what it meant between videos. Why? Why not, it was funny and you know janus would start that kind of thing for the sake of a good joke.

It is a good joke, to be fair

[candied-peach]

ao3: “happiness becomes a choice” rating: T warnings: platonic dukeceit, nightmares, abandonment issues, crying genre: hurt/comfort description:  Remus is angry and does something perhaps a little ill-advised to deal with said anger. (day 29: "My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape." Bret Eaton Ellis, American Psycho @tsshipmonth2020 )

Remus twirls his fingers, sending sickly green tendrils of fog down every hallway in the mind palace, seeking out the other sides. Unless they know exactly what it is, they won't be able to do anything about it, and the only one who would know is Janus. But Janus is asleep now, because sleep is self care and all that bullshit. So it doesn't matter.

He spreads his fingers wide, tugging lightly, and grinning as he realizes that each side is trapped now. Trapped in a hell of his own making.

Patton, tiptoeing down a spiderweb-festooned hallway, as his skin rippled and bulged, frog skin spreading in amorphous patches. Distorted voices of the others proclaim him to be a terrible Morality, a useless Morality. Remus watches tears glisten and fall in fat droplets down Patton's freckled cheeks, and he only grins harder. Good, he thinks, as Patton's shirt rips and he becomes a frog once more.

Logan, cowering in a corner, as the word infinitesimal swells and aches, as his contributions aren't even torn down or debated, merely ignored. He grows smaller and smaller, his voice weaker with each protestation that he is important, that he does have a use for Thomas, until he's the size of a mouse and easy to step on. Remus nearly does the honors himself.

Roman, running down a corridor lined with mirrors, each mirror a distorted image of himself, mocking his performance, mocking his values. Calling himself Thomas's hero in the most petulant whine. The mirrors begin to crack, then break, pattering the floor in a shower of falling glass and Roman runs through it all, heedless, bruises appearing in purple black splotches all over his body as his ego is bruised.

Virgil, abandoned. Virgil crying, the others turning their backs on him, telling him that he's destined to be dark. He's destined to be evil, so really, why has he ever bothered to try? His eye shadow streaks down his cheeks like tears as the color leeches from his jacket, leaving it awash in grey. Fake Patton tells him solicitously that he was never needed to help Thomas, they lied all along.

Janus, running from an enormous snake. A snake whispering to stop running, Janny, it's okay, this is just what happens when you abandon your friends, isn't it, this is just what happens when you put your selfish goals above all, because of course you know what's best, Jan Jan, you always have, you-

Remus doesn't realize he's crying until he tastes salt. He plops to the floor, the nightmare threads vanishing like they've never been. He hears footsteps, but he refuses to look. It won't be Janus. It's never Janus.

It's Janus.

"Remus," Janus says slowly as Remus stiffens. "Remus, I never meant to hurt you-"

"Well, you did," Remus interrupts, talking fast, his voice sharp and jagged and brittle.

"I'm sorry," Janus says, and the words are soft and round with sincerity. Remus doesn't believe it.

"Then prove it," Remus demands. Janus nods, helping Remus to his feet.

"I will," Janus says. "I will, Remus. I never meant to leave you behind. You're my best friend in the whole world."

"Evil twin and all?" Remus weakly jokes, as Janus's arms snake around him.

"Always," Janus confirms. They can hear a hubbub in the distance and Remus pales a little. When you have a nightmare like that, it's not exactly hard to find out what happened.

"Gotta go," Remus says, and they both sink out to Janus's room.

[callboxkat]

Banished (part 12)

Author’s note: Happy New Year :) I hope you all have a wonderful 2022.

Summary: Janus has been banished from his pod for crimes that he did not commit. However, this merman’s bad luck is far from over. A mer is not meant to live on their own in the open ocean, and as one would expect, things do not go well. Enter: Florida Man.

Chapter Warnings:  lying, illness and injury mentions, saw blade?

Word count: 3270

Banished Masterpost!

Writing Masterpost!

Over the next few days, Janus didn’t do much besides eat and sleep, slowly regaining the strength that had been robbed from him by whatever hell he had been through before Remus found him.

As time went on, with nearly a week passing since that fateful early morning on the beach, Janus’s improvement became obvious. Even the yellow accents of his fins grew visibly more vivid. Remus gave him a comb for his hair, too, and that tangled mess was transformed into sleek, dark waves that nearly reached his shoulders. Logan had begun coming over as frequently as his other responsibilities would let him. Thankfully there hadn't been any more fainting, although that wouldn’t stop Remus from teasing him about it. The day after that incident, Remus had followed Logan around the whole time they were in Remus’s house together, holding a large pillow at the ready as if to catch him. Together, they’d been helping Janus, from checking on his wounds to cleaning the tank to simply keeping him company when he was up for it.

Still, Janus hadn’t said a word since agreeing to let them remove the cuff. Remus wondered if he still couldn’t speak, if those few words had somehow made his throat worse, or if perhaps he was simply afraid to try.

Logan had contacted his friend—Remy, apparently—saying that they needed help removing bracelet that another friend of his had gotten hopelessly stuck. Apparently, he was still waiting to hear back. Remy was, according to Logan, almost always on his phone, but was frustratingly bad at replying to texts. Worse at answering phone calls. Remus could relate, but he was still going to complain about it.

At least the wait gave Janus more time to recover before this guy showed up. The fewer questions they had to answer, the better.

Finally, the response came. Luckily, it was when Logan and Remus were both at Remus’s house. Remus had just come in from putting out some cat food for the neighborhood strays. Logan, sitting at the kitchen table with some article about vocal cord injuries pulled up on his laptop, waved Remus over to show him the text.

Remy A.: Sorry, I’ve been crazy busy. Still need my jewelry removing expertise?

“Finally!” Remus moaned, splaying himself dramatically across the table. Raising his volume to compensate for the fact that he was now speaking into the wood, he added, “I was starting to think your friend died on us, Bookworm.”

Logan huffed. “No, he can simply be lackadaisical at times, especially with timeliness in responding to texts.” Obviously hoping to catch Remy before he looked away from the phone again, he began to quickly type. Remus got up from his sprawled position across the table and walked around to lean conspicuously over Logan’s shoulder and watch.

Logan: Hello, Remy. Yes, if you are available, we would appreciate your help.

Logan tensely watched the phone for a few moments, and sighed in relief when the ellipses popped up. He’d clearly been worried that they’d been waiting for a few more days or at least hours; but thankfully, Remy’s reply was much more prompt this time.

Remy A.: How long has it been on there?

Logan: Quite some time. I am unsure of the exact timeline, but no less than a week.

Remy A.: Yikes. Why didn’t you call the fire department doll?

Logan visibly faltered, and glanced up at Remus.

“Tell him he’s… I don’t know, scared of firefighters? That’s a thing, right?” Remus mostly just thought they were hot.

The other man hesitated while Remus briefly fantasized about committing a minor act of arson to attract the fire department’s attention.

Logan: Our friend requested we not do so.

Remy A.: Is this just an excuse to see me? Be honest, babes.

Logan: No, we do require your assistance.

Remy A.: No cap?

Remus cackled at Logan’s confused expression. He didn’t offer help with this one.

Logan: He does not have a cap stuck on his head, only the bracelet on his wrist.

There was a pause. Remus had a feeling that Remy was laughing. Remus himself had a hand pressed over his mouth. A squeak escaped, earning him a frown from Logan.

Remy A.: Ok I’ll come, text the deets.

“Time and place,” Remus supplied, masterfully recovering from his mirth.

“Ah.” Logan quickly typed out the address, and in the next few texts, they scheduled for Remy to come that evening.

Logan: Can you promise discretion with this matter?

Remy A.: Girl Cmon

Remy A.: Some mystery guy gets a bracelet so stuck he needs it cut off, and you’re telling me I can’t post this on my insta?

Logan: Yes. Please.

Remy A.: …Fine, but I’m not a charity. You’d better have coffee ready.

Remy A.: Starbucks. Don’t cheap out.

Remy A.: Make it a venti. Splash of oat milk. Two pumps of caramel.

Remy A.: Two ventis and I might not even ask questions.

Logan sighed in relief. Remus whooped, to Janus’s bewilderment.

Logan: Done.

“So, uh…” Remus leaned back. “How are we doing this without telling Remy he’s cutting a manacle off a live wire from Unda da Sea?”

Loan wiped a hand down his face, setting the phone aside. “We will figure something out.”

“Well, we’d better figure it out fast. We’ve only got a few hours.” Remus lurched back, putting his hands on his hips and popping his back like a sheet of bubble wrap. “Anywho, I’m gonna go tell Aquaman the news!”

…

A few hours later, there was a knock at Remus’s door.

Logan answered it, Remus at his side.

A young man stood there, a pair of shaded goggles on his forehead, but his dark hair was still immaculate. He had a messenger bag over one shoulder, and stood with the air of someone who’d spent all morning waiting in the line at the DMV.

Ew. Why was Remus thinking about the DMV? He was going back to thinking about hot firemen. And getting that cuff off Janus. Obviously.

“Heyyyy girl, what the heck kind of house is this? Is it radioactive? I am so suing if I get radiation poisoning.”

“Hello, Remy,” Logan sighed. “The house is not radioactive. Correct?” he glanced at Remus.

“Correct! But that’s a fun idea.”

“So who is this anyway?” Remy asked, glancing Remus up and down. “You know I like a tall drink of water.”

“This is Remus,” Logan said.

“Into people with Rem- names, huh?” Remy joked. “And here I thought I was special.” He rolled his shoulders, exaggerating the heaviness of his bag. “Now are you gonna invite me in or what? This neighbor of yours keeps looking at me like I’m going to come cut the heads off all their flowers.”

Another intriguing suggestion. Remus grinned. “Come on in!”

Remy sauntered into the house, glancing around at Remus’s taste in décor. Dégore.

“So, he’s this way,” Remus said, pointing upstairs. “But before we go up—no pictures, no gossip, no nothing, got it? Keep your trap shut, or I’ll happily find out what it’s like to disembowel someone.”

Remy clearly found this threat hilarious. “Logan, you have got to tell me where you found this guy.”

“He is also a lifeguard. We work together.”

“Hm. I do like a man in uniform.” Remy winked at Remus.

Logan sighed. “Eccentricities and small talk aside, we really do need you to promise discretion. Our friend is very nervous about this whole thing. He doesn’t like a lot of attention, positive or negative. We need to know this won’t end up on Facebook.”

“I don’t have a Facebook, I have an Insta—are you telling me you don’t follow me?”

Logan was unamused.

“Fine, fine, I promise. Now where’s my coffee?”

“In the kitchen,” Logan said.

“Two ventis with a splash of oat milk and—”

“Yes, yes, we followed your specifications.”

They waited while Remy drank the first coffee—impressively fast, to be honest—and then the three of them made their way upstairs, to the spare bedroom.

Janus sat in the bed, looking about as nervous as Remus had expected. The blankets were pulled up to fully cover his tail, and he wore a long-sleeved kids shirt that Remus had picked up, as well as a pair of yellow gloves to hide his not-quite-human hands. He also wore the least exciting of Remus’s costume wigs, which had been arranged to hide the fins on his ears. He could pass as human, at first glance. Hopefully, Remy wouldn’t look too closely.

Naturally, Remy squinted in confusion the second he stepped into the room. “Uh. Not to be rude, but… Why is he so small?”

“We asked for discretion for a reason,” Logan said. “He has a medical condition. I hope you can understand why he would not like a metaphorical spotlight placed upon him.”

Remy glanced between them skeptically. “Sure. Fine. One more question, though—what happened to his face?”

Unfortunately, there hadn’t really been a way to hide the bandage on Janus’s cheek. It was literally on his face.

Remus and Logan glanced at each other.

“It’s related to his condition,” Remus finally said. “Right, bud?”

Janus slowly nodded.

Remy frowned, but didn’t question it, probably because they had gotten him his two coffees. He shrugged off his messenger bag and approached Janus, who stared up at him with clear apprehension.

“Hey girl, I’m Remy.”

A moment passed.

“He doesn’t speak much,” Logan explained awkwardly.

Remy raised an eyebrow. “Right.”

Remus gave Janus an encouraging motion behind Remy’s back. Please, just say something. Anything.

“…Hello,” Janus said. He didn’t open his mouth much, hiding his many fangs from view. Which was good for secrecy, bad for Remus’s desire to see his many many fangs again.

More importantly, his voice wasn’t a painful croak: The word came out crystal clear. He could talk! Janus could talk!

Logan briefly put his head back and closed his eyes in relief.

Remy glanced up at Janus, then back at Remus and Logan, before he finally shrugged. “This is weird as hell, but whatever—I got my coffee.” He set the bag on the bed and started pulling out supplies. “I’ve got a file that should cut through this crazy stuck bracelet of yours—let me see?”

Janus held out his arm, only trembling a little bit.

“I’ll be honest,” Remy said, taking Janus’s arm and thankfully not noticing how Remus and Logan both tensed, “I was half expecting this to be a pair of handcuffs.” He chuckled. “That’d sure explain why you didn’t call the fire department.” He turned Janus’s arm a little, looking at the thick cuff, etched with lettering that no one but the merman could read. “This is still super weird, though, tbh.”

“Can you cut it off or not?” Remus asked. Logan cast him a warning look.

“Sure babes, I’m a pro.” Remy turned and smiled at him, then turned back to Janus. “Here, doll, put these on. Just in case any metal goes flying. Can’t hurt those pretty eyes of yours.”

He held out another pair of goggles, like the ones he wore. Janus then slowly put the goggles on his own head, imitating the way Remy’s were situated. The strap was far too long, and they nearly fell down to hang around his neck, but Remy caught them.

“Like this,” Remy said. He moved the goggles to sit over Janus’s eyes, then adjusted the strap to fit, thankfully taking care where it crossed over the bandage on his face. “Gucci?”

Janus probed the goggles with his gloved fingers. “Thank you,” he said.

Remy smirked, and pulled his own goggles down over his eyes. “Ready?”

“Yes,” said Janus.

“Alright, then. Just hold still, and I’ll have this off in no time.

He put the file against the cuff and began vigorously sawing it back and forth. Janus tensed at first, making Logan take a half-step forward, but the merman relaxed at the lack of pain. A long moment passed, empty save for the sound of metal scraping.

Remy made a frustrated sound, and the sawing picked up pace. A couple of sparks flew. Thankfully, Janus didn't freak out.

“Sorry,” said Remy. He pressed harder, sawing even faster.

Snap!

Everyone in the room jumped. Remy nearly fell over, but quickly recovered, and drew back, looking stunned.

The file had broken. There was barely a dent in the cuff.

“What the hell is this thing made of?” Remy asked.

“Perhaps a defective file?” Logan suggested carefully. His hands were clenched in a tight knot.

Remy blinked, then shrugged, still bewildered. “…Maybe. Don’t worry, I’ve got an extra.”

He retrieved it and began again, but before long, that one had also snapped.

“Girl, what?” Remy said, staring at the broken pieces.

Janus looked like he was going through the five stages of grief.

“…Got anything else?” Remus asked, beginning to wish he’d never gotten the merman’s hopes up.

Remy, however, was undeterred. “Excuse me, ma’am, there is a genius at work here. Of course I’ve got something else. Go get some water. Cold water. A lot of it, we’ll need it constantly pouring if we can. Oh, and probably a bucket, if you don’t want it to be all Wisconsin Dells in here.”

Remus had no idea what that was. “Your Midwesterner is showing,” he informed Remy, who rolled his eyes.

“Okay, first of all, rude.” Which wasn’t a denial, Remus noted.

As Logan went to fetch the supplies, Remy returned to his messenger bag and pulled out some kind of flexible material. He pulled back Janus’s sleeve and slipped it in the space between the cuff and his wrist. Remus was glad, again, that the bandage there had already been removed.

Janus was looking fidgety again, which Remy didn’t seem to notice; but then again, he was rather out of the loop about… certain things. Including the small chance he might get electrocuted.

“What are you doing?” Remus asked.

“I’m breaking out the big guns.” Sure enough, Remy held up a power tool. But….

“It’s awfully small.” Remus commented, tilting his head to the side. “Sure, people say size doesn’t matter, but it kinda does.”

“It’s a rotary tool.” Remy said, plugging it into the wall. “And I’ve got just what we need—I work with steel sometimes, so I’ve got a good blade for it. A diamond saw. Cost a pretty penny, but this thing just cuts through everything like butter. It can handle a bracelet.”

He attached the blade, and held it up to show Remus and Janus. Even the blade was small, maybe a little bigger than a half dollar, attached perpendicular to the rotary tool. He hit the button, and it spun with a whir. Janus looked uneasy.

“This will keep me from hitting your wrist,” Remy said, gesturing at the material between the cuff and Janus’s arm. As Logan came in, carrying a large water bottle and a bucket half filled with more water, he added, “And that will keep the blade from getting too hot. Bring it over, babes.”

Logan set down the bucket of water, and Remy handed over another pair of goggles. They weren’t as heavy duty as his or Janus’s, but were better than nothing.

“Just pour that over the blade while I cut,” Remy instructed. “And you just stay still, okay? And let me know if it starts to feel hot. I’m not here to burn anybody.”

“Go slow,” Remus said.

Janus had gone rather pale. As Remy took his wrist, he started visibly trembling. Remus gave the merman a thumbs up and what he hoped was a reassuring look.

“Logan, you ready with the water?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Remy turned on the tool, and touched it to the cuff just before Logan got the water over it.

Sparks flew, and Janus flinched back violently with a drowned out hiss. The whir of the tool instantly cut off. “Woah!”

A beat passed, and then Remus’s eyes bugged out. The wig on Janus’s head had slipped, and one of his ear fins poked out in the air, in plain view. Remus bent over and started coughing and hacking violently, drawing Remy’s attention while Logan scrambled to hide the fin.

Janus’s chest was heaving. Remus straightened from his sudden coughing fit, wiped a bit of sweat from his brow, and laughed nervously.

Remy knelt there for a second, blinking, then said, "Uh, you good, doll?"

"Yep!"

Remy glanced him up and down, and turned back to Logan, who was poorly acting natural. “Hey, L… maybe start with the water sooner.”

“Apologies.”

They started again once everyone had calmed down a bit, with Logan pouring the water before Remy turned the tool on. Remus didn’t really think it was Logan’s fault that Remy had started the tool first, but decided against pointing that out.

There was a tense atmosphere as the tool whirred and grinded. After a moment, Remy stopped. “Aha, there we go!”

Remus leaned over to see. There was a clean cut in the cuff, about a quarter of the way through it.

Janus was staring like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Not too hot, is it?”

“No—no,” the merman said, recovering his voice. “It is not too hot.”

“Gucci.” Remy nodded to Logan, and they began again, cutting through more of the cuff.

Minutes later, they hit the center of the cuff, and there was a flash of light. Remy jumped, the tool turning off again. Nothing else happened, though, and after a moment of inspecting the tool in confusion, he started it back up.

“Was that Janus?” Remus silently mouthed at Logan.

Logan subtly shrugged one shoulder in response.

And then they were through. Remy sat back and pulled up his goggles, triumphant. “Told you this baby could do the job.”

There was a neat slice taken out of the cuff, from one end to the other.

“Now we’ll just turn it, and get the other—oh!”

As soon as Remy touched it, there was a sharp creak, and the cuff sprang open on a perfectly hidden hinge.

“Well, that works, too,” Remy said with a sly grin, not noticing Janus’s jaw drop open. He patted the blanket over where Janus’s legs would be. Remus twitched, but all Remy did was turn and unplug his tool from the wall. “Now, where’s my other coffee?” he asked as he coiled up the cord. “It’d better not be cold, or you’ll have to buy me another.” He got up, grabbed his bag, and started for the door. Logan glanced at Remus, hefted up the bucket of water, then followed after Remy. Remus didn’t move until he heard their footsteps going down the staircase.

He walked over to Janus. The poor guy looked about ready to lose it. He was just staring at the cuff, still hanging loose on his wrist.

“Here,” Remus said as kindly as he could. “Let me get that for ya.” He took the cuff carefully unhooked it from the merman’s wrist, and set it on the nightstand. Remus didn’t know how or why Janus had ended up with this metal cuff around his wrist, and he didn’t understand why it upset him so much, since it didn’t look like much more than a thick bracelet, but it was clearly significant.

Janus stared for a long moment at the cuff on the nightstand. He ran his hand slowly over his wrist, then did it again. He looked up at Remus, utter disbelief on his face. He hesitated briefly, then made a motion to beckon Remus over.

Remus stepped nearer, then knelt down next to him.

Janus reached up and placed a shaky hand on Remus’s chest, on the upper part of his sternum. The merman didn’t speak, but Remus knew he was saying thank you.

[the-sanders-sides-correct-quotes]

Thomas: I don’t know, Logic, I just don’t really know what to talk about...

Logan: Preposterous! There's an infinitesimal amount of things in this bizarre massive universe brimming with exciting mysteries and you don't really know what to talk about?

[badkatart]

Hand Practice

[tss-storytime]

Writer/artist parings

Writer/Artist Pairings Are Here!

Writers, give your artist access to everything you've got so far! Rough draft, outlines, rambling thoughts to yourself—whatever it takes so they can see what the story is and can start working on art!

Artists, it's up to you how much art you make, but make sure it's effort matching the accomplishment of the writers! You can do many small pieces, one or two big pieces, etc. but be certain it's something you would be happy to receive to accompany months-long work on a story!

If there are any questions or complications, please DM the blog or reach out on the Discord server!

We have more writers than artists, so some artists are creating for two people. Be sure to check through ALL the matches for your username, you might be on there twice! Format is as follows:

Summary number. Author | Artist (list below the cut!)

1. tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors | prince-rowan-of-the-forest 2. Lily-janus | bonker-bananas 3. edupunkn00b | lost-in-thought 4. webratjen | thebestworstidea 5. xaviersfandomwriting | shadow-rhelm 6. lovelylogans | tasticinthefinest 7. leithlovesyou | queer-and-coloful (2 of 2) 8. golden-songbird | thefloofinator (1 of 2) 9. simple-seranade | iamanexistentialcrisis 10. ccss10987 | hyperfixated-homo 11. thebestworstidea | sweet.nothings.exe 12. PleaseDontHurtCjstar | queer-and-colorful (1 of 2) 13. annaizscribbling | a-ghostlight-for-roman 14. petrichor110 | diamondwind99 15. lost-in-thought-20 | justa-regularblogger 16. naminethewriter | imanaxiouswreck 17. prince-rowan-of-the-forest | anxious-mess19 (1 of 2) 18. anxiousgaypanicking | reddevilproductions 19. sanderssidesfanfiction | specs-and-capelets (2 of 2) 20. groovyghostie | creativelampdliberties 21. dillydallydove | thecrowslullaby (1 of 2) 22. Canvas-The-Florist | cha0tic-g0ld (1 of 2) 23. typically-untypical | webratjen 24. The-panmixxia | cha0tic-g0ld (2 of 2) 25. neil-kumiko | cryingrainbowsandrocksongs 26. vinbee631 | nandysparadox 27. logarhythm-bees | ronithesnail (1 of 2) 28. glacierruler | doteddestroyer 29. dropped 30. theimprobabledreamersworld | logarhythm-bees 31. the-princey-pie | pizza-box-raccoon (2 of 2) 32. krowfics | onthevirgeofdestruction 33. TouYubesPosts | ashtonisvibing 34. esperinkdraws.tumblr.com | blank-ace 35. meadowofbluebells | specs-and-capelets (1 of 2) 36. asoftervirge | fishfinz 37. look-ma-im-on-tv | bitemarx 38. infinitesimal-dna | thecrowslullaby (2 of 2) 39. fangirlwriting | anxious-mess19 (2 of 2) 40. full-of-roman-angst-trash | ronithesnail (2 of 2) 41. spaceandsnakes | dillydallydove 42. psychedelicships | lemme-overthink-this 43. holyfuckthisfishcandrive | lickoutyourbrains 44. thecrowslullaby | warcats-cat 45. scare-amor | thebestworstidea 46. dropped 47. olliedollie1204 | i-will-physically-fight-you 48. I-will-physically-fight-you | virgeandhis-pocket-protector 49. im-an-anxious-wreck | thefloofinator (2 of 2)

updated 5/15/23 9:00 AM PDT/UTC-7

[just-some-gt-trash]

Big crush, small lover

I keep being lateeeeeee but here. At this rate I'm going to finish in April ;-;

This is for day 12 of @sanders-spring Moceit

I don't think there's any content warnings, but let me know if you find any!

------------------------------------

Janus rang the doorbell of Patton's house, waiting patiently for them to open.

It had been a long time since he saw his childhood friend, college kept both of them very busy and there was hardly any time to visit each other. But Janus knew he had to be there as soon as possible when he heard Patton had been in some kind of accident while helping their aunt at work.

Patton swore they were okay and there had only been a few side effects from the substances they were exposed to, how could Janus not worry about that?! Patton did ask him to let them know when he arrived… but Janus forgot to do it.

The door opened and Janus smiled at his friend. Patton stood speechless for a moment before smiling widely, their whole face lighting up. God, Janus really loved that smile.

Patton sqealed and threw himself to Janus’ arms before he could say anything else. “I can’t believe you're really here! I’ve missed you!”

Janus chuckled and hugged Patton back, “I’ve missed you too.” With his arms wrapped around Patton, he could noticed it was getting harded to hold them? Janus thought they were pulling apart but no, and Patton's grip on his body felt tighter too.

Patton seemed to notice too, “oh shoot.” With a quick movement they grabbed Janus’ hand and pulled him inside, closing the door behind them. “I forgot, I forgot, I forgot,” they mumbled to themselves.

Janus was quite confused now, specially looking around Patton's house. All the curtains were closed, which was weird considering how much Patton loved natural light. There were a bunch of stuff on the floor or in places where they didn't belong, like they’ve been poorly rearranged after bumping on them. And there were several stools and makeshift ladders to reach high and low places, like a kid was living here.

“You forgot about whaaaa?” Janus turned around to see Patton now on his knees, back against the ceiling, and at least twenty feet tall!

Patton chuckled awkwardly and looked down at Janus, “I uh… this is why I wanted you to know when you were here.”

Janus had to back up to actually get a full look on Patton. Something was going to get into his mouth if he didn't close it soon. “Wha… this… how?!”

“The accident at my aunt’s? This is the side effect...” Luckily, Patton's embarrassment was already making them shrink… who knew how much though… “Please don't be scared, we’re still working to understand this.”

Janus noticed the change this time, he stepped closer to Patton. “So… you just grow randomly?"

Patton shrugged, “not really. We know the change is linked to my emotions but it’s not very… consistent. The first explanation the people on the lab gave me was that I grow with positive emotions and shrink with negative ones, but I’ve shrank while being happy too.”

“So it goes the other way around too?” That would be interesting to see, Patton was always the tall one.

Patton nodded, glad his head wasn't reaching the ceiling anymore. The shrinking also stopped for now, but at least he wouldn't be as intimidating.

Janus looked up at Patton “I think this is too tall even for you”

Patton giggled, “but I’ve been dealing with short problems too… sorry I used to make fun of you for that.”

Janus shrugged, “I’d say it's your karma.” He looked at Patton’s hand… just their hand was huge! A couple of feet more and he could sit on it comfortably.

Patton shifted slightly, dropping an inch or two. They knew Janus would be confused and all… but people have been staring at them for days and they were getting tired of it, “you're not… scared, right?”

Janus looked back up, did he stare for too long? “No! Of course not Patt! You're just big and it's shocking but, you're still my Patton.”

Patton blinked and blushed. They didn't know why but Janus calling him “his” made them all shy and flustered.

Janus’ eyes shot open and he blushed darkly, he said that out loud right? He cleared his throat, “well uh… is there anything I could do to help shrink you down?”

“I don't think so…” Apparently being flustered made them shrink too. Patton should write it down somewhere for their next checkup, “Could you move closer so I can stretch my legs? I don't want to hurt you or anything.”

“Sure.” Janus got closer to Patton’s body, he felt like a child on his mother's lap.

Patton extended their legs, instinctively holding Janus against him so he could get comfortable.

Janus couldn't help but blush even darker as Patton pressed him against their body. It was weird being held like this by a giant hand… but Patton was so warm.

Patton's legs were taller than Janus on their own! He used to feel small around them but this was a whole new level! He didn't mind, sure being on the smaller side was annoying, but with Patton… he always felt so protected and cared for.

Patton noticed, “oh I-I’m sorry I didn't mean to hold you like that.” They pulled their hand away, resting it on their thigh.

Janus looked up, he couldn't see Patton's face being this close to their body though. “It's okay Patt, I uh… actually like being this close to you.”

Patton's face turned red again and they started shrinking again, at a much higher pace.

Janus let out a small yelp as he felt Patton's body practically disappear from behind him. He turned around, finding a shrunken Patton sitting on the floor. They were definitely smaller than their normal size, “d-did I cause that?”

Patton looked up, seeing Janus from this angle wasn't helping them at all. He looked so tall and handsome, those thoughts only kept Patton shrinking.

Yeah Janus was getting worried now. Could Patton shrink to nothing? What if they did? How would he grow them back?! Janus kneeled down in front of his dwindling friend, “w-what do I do to stop it?”

Patton looked down at themselves. Okay they had to calm down before they got stuck too small… again, at least Janus would be here to help this time. “I- no, this is on me I’m just being weird about stuff.”

Janus raised an eyebrow. Too weird? About what?

Patton stood up, they weren't shrinking as much as before but they were definitely still getting smaller. Ugh! They weren't prepared to deal with all his fuzzy feelings! They weren't prepared before the accident and now there was no running away from them.

Janus let out a soft sigh as Patton's shrinking seemed to stop. “Is me being here making you… uncomfortable? I could leave if you don't want me to see you like this.”

“No!” Patton didn't want him to leave! Not only because moving around at barely two feet tall wasn't the easiest thing to do, but they didn't want to be alone. “I’m not uncomfortable, not around you. It's been days since they let me be back at home, and technically I can't interact with anyone… But I want you here.”

Janus had a slight blush on his cheeks, “Patt.. ugh I don't know. I don't want you to keep changing because of me.”

Patton shook his head, “I don't care. This size thing has been a pain to deal with, I don't want it to take you away from me.”

Okay, now Janus didn't know how to feel about that. Patton has been a big crush for, Janus even forgot for how long! He kept leaving flirty comments here and yhete to grab Patton's attention but it never worked. Janus thought they didn't have any effect on them but… he could literally see they did now. Has Patton liked him back for all these years.

Patton was getting desperate at not getting a response. Janus was spacing out on his own thoughts, as if they didn't have their own to deal with already. Patton was now closer to one foot but they didn't care, they walked closer to Janus and climbed his legs.

Janus felt Patton’s small body on him and instinctively cupped his hands around them. “Here, I don't want you to hurt yourself.” He helped Patton up his lap and let them sit there.

Was this what Janus felt being against them before? Patton didn't know if he could deal with it much longer. “You do have an effect on me Jan, but not a bad one. At least I think it's not bad.”

Janus was sure Patton was now smaller than he had been to them. “Uh… I affect you? How?”

“Well, it's hard to explain but I… mmm something attracts me to you. I feel safe and loved with you, and I feel like I want to make you feel the same thing.”

“Yeah… I think that's a great way to explain it.” Janus scratched the back of his head, “listen I didn't want it to come out this way. I never imagined it would come out this way, but if it makes you feel better.” Janus took a deep breath, “I feel like that too, I’ve felt like that for so long. Being away from you has been so hard, I just want to stay by your side.”

That stopped Patton’s shrinking, it actually gave them a small growth spurt. “You really mean it?”

Janus smiled at Patton, who was now at eye level with him. “I do, and I promise I’ll be here for you.”

Patton smiled and cupped Janus’ cheek. Their hand looked so small, it only made Patton a lot more flustered. “Can I?”

Janus chuckled a bit and held the back of Patton's head, “go ahead.” This was it, it was really happening! At least if he really understood what Patton meant.

They didn't wait any longer and closed the space between them with a kiss. Patton felt like a hundred butterflies were dancing on their stomach. They could feel the heat coming from Janus’ face merge with their own heat.

Janus felt Patton getting heavier as they leaned on him. He laid down on the floor, letting them lay on top of him. Janus kept going with the kiss, only stopping once Patton grew out of reach.

Patton frowned and looked down at Janus with a chuckle, “guess I got a bit excited.”

Janus chuckled back and nodded, “that's what it looks like.”

“You look adorable when I’m bigger than you.” Patton stroked Janus’ hair as they got off of him to lay on the floor.

Janus blushed, he felt a tingling sensation running through his body but assumed it was just him being flustered. Janus watched Patton as they started growing again… only to find a confused look on his face.

Looking around, Janus realized it wasn't Patton growing. He was shrinking.

Patton sat up and picked Janus up to try and comfort him, “uh… I guess it's contagious after all. I’m so sorry Jan.”

Janus was pretty sure he wasn't even a foot tall now, confusion and fear mixed together weren't good for his situation. He sat on Patton's hand and looked up, shaking his head. “You didn't know, it's not your fault Patt… but, you did say an antidote is being made right?”

[andtheyreonfire]

comb them in and let them want

Me??? Actually posting something I wrote????? Perish the thought.

Have something I wrote on complete impulse and also took me two weeks for 1,179 words!!!!! Help--

Writer-Bot Prompt: An innocent tweet about your breakfast spirals out of control, when a strange police squad arrests you for treason.

Warnings:  Mentions of fear, a major character is arrested, mentions of dehumanization, implied tranquilizing

Enjoy!!!!!

(Now on Ao3)

Roman leaned against his doorframe with a frown, crossing his arms.

“I must admit,” he drawled, “I wasn’t expecting visitors today, especially 5 strange men in such funny costumes. Would you like a ride to the community theatre? We could use some more ensemble.”

The largest of the group stepped forward, hard as stone and almost as blank. “Mr. Prince, we’re here because we suspect that you may be in possession of government technology.”

Roman blinked. “What?”

“Please,” one of the strange men piped up, “step aside so we may commence the investigation.”

“What the hell is this about? I’m a model citizen, thank you very much.”

Roman heard the largest—Brutus. That’s his name now. Might as well call him something—exhale in the I’m-trying-and-failing-not-to-get-mad-at-you manner. He reached into one of his strange get-up’s pockets and pulled out what looked like a brick. After a few seconds he thrusted it at Roman.

Roman noticed two things. The first was that the brick-like object was actually a phone, and the second was that Roman’s breakfast seemed to be projected on the grainy screen.

Roman thought he should probably be offended.

It wasn’t Instagram-worthy, sure, but it was still his marvelous cooking skills displayed on the screen. Roman still had followed the social media-addict urge to document everything about his life and posted the picture to Twitter. But...

“Since when is bacon illegal in the state of Florida?” Roman asked.

Brutus’ eye twitched, before he jabbed a finger at the photo. It landed on a tiny, ragged leg, like a doll’s. The actor suddenly realized what—rather, who he was pointing at.

Oh.

Roman swallowed.  

“Yes,” he said, willing his voice steady, “that’s my breakfast. Congratulations.”

Roman had scooped up and set aside the owner of the leg before he took the photo. Said owner had let him, before continuing on with his business as if nothing happened. It was a stark contrast to the shaking, terrified pleading he had been met with the first time the human tried to hold him.

“Do you see this?” Brutus asked, raising a jagged eyebrow.

When Roman had first met the little guy, it was pouring so hard Roman could’ve sworn his lights were going to pop out. He’d pulled on a jacket and hobbled outside when he remembered something on the apartment deck. He’d been about to grimace at its drenched appearance when he noticed a strange light pulsing in the alley below.

“You have something of ours, don’t you?” Another of the group smiled, and it was all teeth. “Small? Human-shaped? Literal chatterbox? Ring any bells, Mr. Prince?”

With a groan, Roman had hurried down the stairs, praying that whatever the light belonged to, it wasn’t his. He’d rounded the corner with a shiver to find that same light coming from what appeared to be...a tiny humanoid?

Panic struck like a whip when Roman realized he’d been silent for too long. “I—I have a doll redesigning hobby. That—was one of my projects. Not that it’s any of your business.”

Curiosity had overridden fear and before the actor had known it, he’d been crouching down and inspecting what really seemed to be a tiny person. What he wasn’t expecting was the silver sheen to the tiny’s skin, or to see circuits and panels littered throughout his body. He certainly wasn’t expecting the little guy's eyes to snap open and flinch back, and was anything but prepared for the almost-human to start begging.

He’d managed to calm the little guy down after far too long in the storm, but it’d been worth it. Roman soon began the process of bringing the tiny person inside and drying him off, as well as the process of trying not to make him fear his every twitch. He’d managed to pry a name from him even still.

Well, less a name, more of a serial code. L0G1C-s, or something like that. A dull choice for a title, Roman had thought. The tiny agreed.

A few days later, they’d found a name that stuck. That same day, Logan’d asked if he could stay with Roman.

And thus, the tiny robot became a wonderful part of Roman’s household.

“Well, then.” Brutus rumbled, starling Roman out of the memory. Brutus zoomed in on the leg, revealing a—had that been there the whole time? “If this is yours, then how do you explain one of our markings on it?”

Roman couldn’t help but gape at the hourglass-like symbol on Logan’s ankle.

Over the days, Roman had grown closer to the android, and Logan had learned as much about the actor as he had of him. He’d learned about Logan’s predesigned use and purpose and code, what they had made his four-inch-supercomputer-of-a-guest for. He’d also learned that Logan didn’t live up to his predesigned use, and all about the “bug” in Logan’s code.

They—who “they” were, Logan never answered, and that probably had something to do with the fact that Roman never asked—had always acted angry when he’d shown emotion. They’d express disappointment when he questioned his makers. They’d explode when Logan acted the even the tiniest bit human.

He’d learned that Logan had delt with this by shutting up and doing his job, until he couldn’t, and that’s when Roman’d met him.

But he’d also learnt about Logan’s love for art and poetry and music, about philosophy and ethics and the nature of morals. Roman had encouraged that Logan indulge in the things he was taught to flinch from.

And eventually, they steered away from ever discussing how Logan was and why.  

Because Roman knew that Logan never liked talking about his past.

And now, it seemed like that past had come back to haunt him.

“What—what do you mean ‘yours’?” Roman stuttered, but it was already too late. He saw one of the bastards pull out a pair of handcuffs. “I found that piece from a thrift store, I don’t—hey!”

The actor only had a moment to prepare before the one with the handcuffs slammed Roman against the wall. Roman wheezed, because ow, and the stranger took the moment to flip him on his back. Roman twisted his head to look at the guy—stocky, scars on his face, couldn’t be more than Roman’s age—and he adverted his eyes.  

The scarred man’s face remained blank as he spoke, “Roman Prince, you are under arrest for illegal possession of government technology, obstruction of justice, and resisting arrest. Depending on how you cooperate, that list may expand.”

Even through the roaring of blood in his ears and the pounding of his heart, Roman realized his rights weren’t read. Thick, black dread began to well up when he realized he didn’t have any.

“Thank you for your time, Mr. Prince,” Brutus sneered, before grasping the actor’s arms and hauling him off the wall. Roman thought saw a figure behind move him but when he attempted to look a gloved hand yanked him back. “I suggest you stay still.”

And just like that, everything went black.