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pacifistsworstnightmare · 12 days ago

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LATE — pro hero!shota aizawa

sometimes the conversations that need to be had can be scary, but at least shota's there to ease the blow [ discussions of pregnancy & termination! keep yourself safe nd only read what you're comfortable with :) ]

a/n : hope ur sick of me.. also this is a DOOZYYY and also way lengthier than i wanted it to be sorry i just couldn't stop writing lmfao

m.list !

"hi," you murmur into the phone when aizawa picks up, fingers tapping along the smooth porcelain on the edge of the sink— the sound rhythmic and wishfully self-soothing.

"hey," his voice is low, gentle and soft, to try and help calm your nerves as he sits in desk chair in his office. "you doing okay, sweetheart?"

it's sweet, how he immediately jumps to soothe— to settle and subdue any nervousness you feel. it's just like him to do that.

"maybe? i feel like my heart's gonna beat out of my chest" you chuckle nervously, wiping your hand over your face and letting it rest against your cheek to self-soothe.

"i don't wanna look at them."

"i know, i know. but you have to, eventually." he can almost vividly picture the way you’re acting, wringing your hands, tapping your foot, and biting your lip while on the phone with him. shota's heart aches, and he suddenly feels bad for leaving you for work.

"you want me to walk you through it?" you laugh, softly, self-depricatingly— because why do you need your boyfriend to walk you through something that should be so easy? your eyes prickle with tears, not enough to drop, but enough to burn and wet your lashes. enough to make your throat feel tight and sore.

"might help? sorry, i feel like i'm freaking out like a kid." he smiles slightly, imagining the look on your face.

"it’s okay, sweetheart. no need to apologise. alright, just go pick up the first test for me. you’re gonna be just fine. i’m right here, okay?" his words help, the soft lilt his voice holds as he speaks to you— words flowing over you and helping to calm the shaky jitters and nerves as you pick up the flimsy plastic between two fingers and your thumb.

"look at it whenever you're ready, i'm right here— y'can do it, sweetness."

".. shit." he can hear the shakiness in your voice, and it immediately makes him wish he was there to give you a hug and comfort you.

"... what does it say, baby?" he has an idea, but doesn't want to take the words away from you— wants to ensure you hold that power yourself.

"s'positive, sho." your voice trembles through the whisper, your hands shake even more as you drop the test into the sink— letting the plastic clatter around like a taunt.

shota can feel his heart immediately drop. a thousand thoughts flood his mind at once— what were you going to do, how are you feeling, was this planned, what’s going to happen now. but he stays calm, for your sake.

"... well, that’s... definitely unexpected." his voice is quiet, trying to sound comforting and reassuring despite his inner thoughts. he swallows hard, trying to keep his thoughts from taking over. this is not the situation he was expecting to walk into, that’s for sure.

he rubs a hand over his face, thinking for a few moments before speaking again.

"you doing okay, baby?" he winces slightly as soon as he says it, already feeling like it was a bad question, but settles when you hum out a shaky "maybe, i don't know". he lets his head fall forward with a sigh, heart clenching at the sound of your voice. not knowing what’s going through your mind is the worst part right now. he wants to know how you feels about this, wants to know what path you’re going to take. but he pushes that down, focusing on you.

"i gotta look at the other one, don't i?"

he takes a deep breath, readying himself for whatever answer you’re going to give him. "yeah. you gotta look at it, sweetheart."

"okay," you murmur, voice still barely above a whisper as you grab the second test and turn it over. "... 's positive too."

shota swallows hard, the realization sinking in. you’re pregnant, more than likely. he takes a deep breath as he processes the information, trying to steady his thoughts before speaking again.

"both of them are positive."

"yeah, both." he feels his heart clench in his chest. his head is spinning with a million thoughts right now, but he pushes it all down to focus on you. shota takes a moment to collect his thoughts, trying to stay logical and rational.

"okay, okay." he takes a deep breath, trying to steady his voice before speaking again. "what are you thinking, baby?"

you hum quietly, trying to find your voice, before whispering a barely there: "are you mad at me?"

shota's heart immediately twists at your question. mad at you? how could you think he was mad at you? he would never be mad at you— especially not about this. he tries to keep his voice steady, but it’s definitely falters.

"no, sweetheart. of course i’m not mad at you. why would you think that?"

the spiral has officially begun, your hands shaking even more as the words begin to spew before you can even think about it. "i don't know, i just- we've never actually even talked about kids, 'nd i don't want you to think this was, like- on purpose? i don't know."

his heart aches at your words. the thought of you thinking he would assume this was on purpose makes him hurt for you, the idea that he would ever be mad at you for something so delicate. but he pushes it down for now, focusing on reassuring you.

"hey, hey, hey. no, of course i don’t think that, baby. i know you’d never try to do something like this on purpose, sweetheart. i know that." he takes a deep breath, pausing for a second before continuing. "but, i think we need to talk about this. because this is a... a big deal, sweetheart."

"yeah, s'a big deal."

shota lets out a soft breath, trying to stay calm and logical as he talks through everything. "it is. this... i mean, this changes things. this is a life-changing situation, sweetheart."

"i know, 'm sorry shota."

"don’t apologise, baby. there’s nothing to apologise for," he closes his eyes tightly, heart clenching in his chest. "but we need to decide how we want to handle this, okay?"

"god, yeah," you hum softly, drawing your knees up to be sitting entirely on the toilet seat now. "wasn't even thinking about that."

he leans forward, resting his elbow on his knee and pinching the bridge of his nose. he can feel the stress migraine coming on already, but now’s not the time for him to be focused on that.

"i know, sweetheart, i know. it’s overwhelming. hell, i'm overwhelmed. but we have to talk about it at some point."

"when do you finish?"

he lets out a soft sigh, running a hand over his face. shota wishes he could hug you right now, to hold you in his arms and comfort you. but for now, words will just have to do. "my last class is in an hour. i still have some paperwork to finish up after that, but i'll be done by five."

"okay, we can talk about it when you get home then?" you're fidgeting, nervously tapping and messing with little things in the bathroom— pointedly ignoring both plastic sticks that are laying face down in the bottom of the sink.

shota nods, even though he knows you can’t see him. "yeah, yeah. we’ll talk about it when i get home. i love you, okay? i'm not mad at you, not even a little bit."

"okay," you nod even though you know he can't see you, eyes widening before blinking away the tears that had gathered on your lashline. "i'll see you when you get home."

he can tell you’re trying to hold back tears, can hear it in your voice, and his heart clenches. he wants nothing more than to be there with you, to hold you close and reassure you that everything will be okay.

"yeah, yeah. i'll be home soon. and we’ll talk, okay? i love you."

"i love you too, hope your classes go okay." your voice is a quiet hum, barely there and barely matching its usual cheer.

shota can’t help but grimace at the thought of having to finish teaching classes in his current emotional state. he’s distracted to say the least, and the last thing he wants to be doing right now is stand in front of a class for another two hours. but he keeps it to himself, not wanting to worry you more than necessary. he gives a hum of acknowledgement before speaking again. "yeah, i hope so too." he can hear the hitch in your voice as you try to say something else, but cuts you off before you can get anything out.

"i should let you go, then. i'll see you later, baby."

"yeah, see you later."

he hums in acknowledgement before reluctantly hanging up the phone. he lets out a sigh, dropping his head into his hands. how is he supposed to focus on work now? all he can think about is you.

by the time shota makes it back to home, it’s pushing five o’clock. he takes a deep breath as he unlocks the front door, mentally preparing himself for the conversation that undoubtedly waits for him. when he finally opens the door, he calls out a soft, “i'm home.” into the apartment.

your voice is smaller than you can ever remember it being as you respond, a barely there "in here" called out from your bedroom— where you've relegated yourself to doomscroll under the covers, flanked by two out of three of the rescue cats that share your space.

he hums in acknowledgment, setting down the food he had picked up on the countertop before heading to the bedroom. when he sees you lying in bed with the cats, his heart aches. shota wants nothing more than to crawl into bed and hold you, to comfort you even just by laying with you for a while.

but the conversation needs to happen.

so he just leans against the doorway— still in his hero gear, just come from work written all over him— with his arms crossed over his chest, watching you for a moment, before finally speaking.

"you doing okay, sweetheart?" he gets sigh in response as you roll slightly to face him, eyes puffy and sore looking as you meet his.

"haven't decided yet. how'd work go?"

he lets out a soft sigh, wishing he could say “great” or “fantastic” or “wonderful,” but the worry that’s currently swirling around in his head won’t allow it. so he settles for a half-truth. "it was okay. classes were fine, paperwork was alright. just... busy, you know how it is."

he pauses for a moment, watching you in the bed. you look so small and fragile, lying in bed with the cats. it's different to your usually larger than life smile and even bigger and brighter laugh. shota takes a deep breath, forcing his attention back to the current situation.

"i brought food," he says, nodding back toward the takeout on the counter in the kitchen. "you want to eat before we talk?"

"probably a good idea— i feel gross though, don't know how much i'll actually be able to eat." you chuckle with a self deprecating tone while you pull yourself to sit up in bed, startling the cats a little but not enough for them to scatter like they normally would— just enough for a few lazy stares before they drop their little faces back down to snooze some more.

his heart immediately drops, he knows the idea of pregnancy has to be throwing you off completely. shota walks further into the room, stopping at the foot of the bed, watching you sit up in bed with the cats— offering a gentle hand to scratch behind whoever's ear he reaches first.

"you might feel better after you eat, sweetheart. c'mon." he offers a different hand to help you out of bed, still gently petting the head of one of the cats. he watches as you slowly sit up and take his hand, sliding out of bed and standing next to him tentatively. this is a vulnerable, scared side of you he’s never seen before, and it makes something in his chest hurt. he gently rubs his thumb over the back of your hand before speaking again.

"come on. food."

"what'd you pick up?" he squeezes your hand as you ask, walking the two of you out toward the kitchen— using his free hand to grab the bag of takeout he had placed on the counter earlier.

"i got that sushi place you like. figured i would try to at least get you to eat something you like." it's sweet, like all of his gestures and little habits when it comes to you, but this time it makes your stomach flip— fear rearing its ugly head again as you're forced to grapple with the reality of the situation again.

"pregnant people can't eat raw fish, shou." you murmur softly, leaning your head into the meat of his bicep as he unpacks the bag. he freezes as first— his eyes wide as he realises his blunder, and immediately he tries to placate— but eventually let's out a small hum as you lean into his side, instinctively shifting to give you as much room as you'd like to get comfortable. shota tries to remember everything he’s read/heard about pregnancy, realizing that you’re right. you can’t have raw fish.

"sorry, that's my bad— i wasn't thinking." you sigh, turning your head to kiss his bicep. a small gesture that means something so large.

"s'okay, don't really have an appetite anyway. nervous tummy, you know? maybe we should just talk instead?" your voice is soft, resting your thumb on the belt of his hero suit.

he hums in response. yeah, he gets it. he’s been battling a nervousness-induced migraine for hours now. shota's still not even sure what to think about the situation right now if he’s being honest.

"yeah sweetheart, let's start with talking," he lets out a sigh, a wave of dread washing over him at the thought of confronting the elephant in the room. he knows they need to talk about it, he knows they need to discuss every option they have. but he’s still dreading the conversation to come.

he leads you towards the living room, ushering you gently to take a seat on the couch. shota takes a deep breath as he sits beside you, his leg bouncing up and down nervously. the conversation they need to have is a big one, and he feels as if there are a million thoughts running around in his head right now.

he lets out a deep breath, trying to collect his thoughts as he gathers up one of your hands in his. "you… you’re pregnant. potentially." his voice is a low tone, stating the obvious even though he knows it. he knows how huge the situation is.

shota's trying to think of where to start, of what to say. he wants to ask if you’re okay, wants to ask how you feel about everything. but he can’t get the words out. instead, he just rubs his thumb over the back of your hand as he tucks it safely in his lap.

"yeah," you breathe out, leaning up against his shoulder as you tuck your feet underneath yourself— the both of you just looking ahead at the tv that isn't even on. "that's what the plastic said, anyway."

he lets out a soft huff, a mix of humour and sadness. "yeah, i know."

shota rubs soothing circles on the back of your hand with his thumb, letting out another sigh before he continues talking. he thinks for a moment on what he wants to say, trying to figure out the right words to use. eventually, he just opts for the bluntness he's so used to.

"how do you feel about it?" it's a big question, one that makes your breath hitch and your chest hurt— nausea at the idea of saying something wrong, even if there's no wrong answer for you here, bubbles just beneath the surface.

"how 'm i s'posed to feel about it? not like there's really a handbook for stuff like this."

"yeah, i know baby, i know. that question probably wasn't fair right now." he lets out another deep sigh, still rubbing soothing circles on the back of your hand as he gathers his thoughts. shota's just as lost as you are in this situation.

"i'm gonna lay out all the facts, okay? let me just talk for a minute." you nod against his shoulder, leaning into him a little more as you wait. he lets out another sigh, trying to stay logical instead of emotional. he just needs to lay out the facts; he can worry about the emotional side later. he swallows hard before beginning to talk.

"you’re pregnant. more than likely. it's unexpected, obviously. i mean, we could never have planned for this. we weren’t trying for a kid. it didn’t even cross our mind as a possibility. but it happened." you nod again, not confident in your ability to find your voice as he talks.

he hums in agreement as he feels you nod, letting his eyes fall closed for a moment.

"right. so, you’re pregnant. that’s the first fact. it’s real. it’s happening."

"more than likely." he huffs out a soft laugh, dropping his head down on top of yours for a second in affirmation.

"yeah sweetheart, more than likely." he swallows the lump forming in his throat before going on. he doesn’t want to say this. not at all.

"now… the next fact is that you don’t have to keep it. and i'm not going to sit here and make you do anything you don't want to do, or aren't ready to do." the silence that comes afterwards has you leaning into him even more, searching for comfort and stability as you talk about the complete opposite.

"well," you hum softly, sucking in a small breath. "do you, like- wanna have a baby, sho?"

his stomach lurches as you ask the question. he knows what he’s supposed to say. he’s a responsible adult. a pro hero. he’s supposed to say no, obviously he doesn’t wanna have a kid. at least not right now. he’s in a dangerous profession, and he’s a workaholic. it would be irresponsible of them to keep the kid.

"that’s a difficult question. do you know what you want?"

"i don't know, i mean- i don't think i wanna have a baby right now," you say quietly, like the words could get you in trouble. "'s scary, y'know?"

his grip on your hand tightens. of course, it’s scary. he’s terrified just thinking about it. he knows you’re not ready for a kid, that you’re not prepared, and he can’t blame you.

"i know, sweetheart. it really is scary." he takes a moment before continuing. shota feels as if he’s walking a tightrope, navigating a minefield. he needs to tread lightly. he doesn't want to in any way make you feel pressured to keep it. like you have to do this. he takes another deep breath.

"okay, what if we looked at it from a different perspective? even if this doesn't happen, i guess we can at least acknowledge the fact that we can have a kid. like, physically."

"yeah, guess you've still got good swimmers, old man." you let out a soft, wet, chuckle, bumping his shoulder with your own— nerves still there, but beginning to alleviate.

shota can’t help the slight laugh that escapes his throat at your words. he can’t really explain it, but the comment seems to alleviate some of his own anxiety over the situation.

"yeah, i guess i do," he laughs softly, glancing over at you. after another moment, he lets the conversation flow back into seriousness. "so, that’s also a fact. we can have a kid. we can do this."

"just.. maybe later." you hum softly, squeezing his hand.

his stomach dips when he hears the optimism in your voice even if the situation tore you to shreds. yeah, maybe later. you could be parents at a later date. in your own time, by your own choices.

"okay, yeah. yeah, later, sometime," shota nods, rubbing circles on the back of your hand with his thumb again.

yeah, it's gonna be alright.

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