#instead I am crawling through everything I can find

[seeminglyseph]

Have I spent like 20 minutes dying my clothes because I like to look fashionable? Fuck off. I know it has only partial effects and I’m wasting dyes on mid to low level armours. Don’t care. Maybe I’ll find more shops with better dyes or learn how to make them myself. I don’t care at all. It’s also why I fully have not been wearing the helmets as much as I should be. I am not sorry. I also quick save before testing dye combinations sometimes. It’s important right now for me to look hot. When I get the look just right maybe I’ll post a pic. I’ve defiled that bright red sun robe to make it goth for Py because his name is all about fucking lying. (Get it? Because pyrite is fool’s gold? He’s a Drow half elf with amber eyes and a goth aesthetic. I swear there was a reason.)

Contemplating also taking him to the magic mirror and adjusting his makeup a little. Maybe put his hair in a ponytail… I like the colours I’ve given him so far, but I think he could have a bit more razzmatazz…

One day I’ll go back to Hymn and get some more spice in their playthrough too because their appearance is fun. I’m just having a lot of fun with Py right now. There’s so much stuff I learn about every new time I play.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

oooh 70 on the prompts list with shane would be so angstyyyyy plz i need to see ur thoughts on this -galaxy

This one's got a little kick to it ough

70) "After everything we've been through, you still don't think that I love you?"

......

"Honey..wh..what is this?"

"Can't you read? God, and I thought Alex was the only illiterate man in town-"

"I know what it says! But..I don't understand. Did I do something wrong?"

"Besides being a leech on my income for the past year and not doing a damn thing to make up for it....no."

"..are you crazy? I HAVE been doing my part! Just..take these back to Lewis and tell him you changed your mind. I'm not signing them."

"I don't need your signature. Just mine is enough to finalize it. I've already gotten everything packed for you..since you're too goddamn lazy to do it yourself."

"....what?" Tears stung Shane's eyes as he shakily set the stack of papers on the table, his vision blurring. He stared at you, seeing not an ounce of remorse on your face..but instead pure hatred. "Why would you do this behind my back? I-I thought...you-"

"What? You thought I loved you? Hah." The brief laugh that left your lips was cold. "Who could love a messed-up lowlife like you, Shane? I have a farm to take care of, a community center to restore..I can't have you slowing me down. It was a fun little fling, but now you bore me. I gotta get serious about my work."

"That's...all I was to you? A "fling"?!" A hurtful scowl formed on his face, hands shaking. "What about everything we've-?!"

"I only pitied you. And y'know, if I didn't care about Jas growing up without a father figure..I would've left you in the forest that night. I only stayed and married you to make them happy. But you blew your chance to get your act together..they're gonna be so disappointed in you."

As much as he wanted to respond with a snarky "I didn't know there was a time limit"...he was frozen on the spot, unable to say anything.

What could he say?

This was all so sudden...and just when he thought you two were doing so well and he was starting to have a genuinely positive outlook on life..

He made the horrid mistake of checking the mailbox and finding the dreaded papers.

"I'll say this was 50,000 gold well-spent." You grabbed the papers off the table, looking at the broken man before holding out your hand. "Give me that necklace. I'm gonna sell it."

"No..." Shane shook his head and clutched the mermaid pendant, tears streaking his face as he backed into the corner. "I...I-I'm so sorry, I'll try to be better! Just tell me what I can fix, a-and I'll-!!"

Suddenly you pulled out a dagger and swiped at him, causing him to flinch and shield himself, eyes squeezing shut in anticipation-

Yet he wasn't injured, but when he saw his pendant in your hands now...he felt as though you actually twisted that dagger deep into his heart.

He collapsed to his knees, devastated as you sheathed your weapon and pocketed the amulet you once tied around his neck at your wedding.

By your hands, you two were bonded in matrimony...

And by your hands, that bond was severed.

"There's nothing to talk about. I'm sick of pretending that I care for some lazy ungrateful fuck. Goodbye, Shane."

And with that, you stormed out of the house..and he was left there on the floor, his sobs filling the silence in the now empty cabin.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It was already late when you returned from your mining trip, and once you finished putting the spoils of your expedition into the shipping bin, you yawned and stretched.

The time was 1:10 AM...and your energy was super drained.

You figured Shane was already sound asleep. The idea of crawling into that cozy bed and cuddling with the man you loved had you eager to take off your boots and put your tools away.

However upon opening the door..you immediately caught a faint whiff of beer, and it left a sinking pit in your stomach.

He did bring home a six-pack case today, and he promised to have it in moderation.

But the kitchen trash showed clear evidence of recently-opened cans.

Four out of the six, in fact.

'Oh man..it happened again..'

You knew that he wasn't gonna be able to quit cold turkey just like that. It wasn't a habit he could flip off like a lightswitch, and that's a fact you've come to accept.

Although he had a few beers from time to time, it was nothing like before. And he would always let you know if he was having some....so to realize he drank over half the case tonight alone was alarming.

Why? You were only gone for a few hours..

You entered the bedroom, finding Shane still awake, hunched over on the bed's edge with his face in his hands. He looked completely torn up, and you've never seen him this bad since..

"Shane, sweetheart?"

Startled, he looked up at you, revealing his eyes to be puffy and red from crying. "O-Oh..hi. You..y-you came back?" He hoarsely asked.

"Of course I did..without having to visit Harvey, thank god." You walked over and sat beside him, frowning. "But more importantly are you okay? What's wrong?"

He tried to respond, but the memories of that nightmare made him physically incapable of doing so...and fresh tears welled in his eyes.

A choked sob came out, and as quickly as he tried covering it up--it failed as similar heartbreaking noises followed.

You didn't waste any time pulling him into a hug.

Leaning against you, he sobbed into your neck, soaking the collar of your shirt in tears. But you just hushed him and rubbed his back. He didn't smell too heavily of beer, although it made you wonder what happened tonight that was bad enough to make him relapse.

Was it...you?

Was you being away stressing him out?

Did he think you wouldn't come back-

"[Y/n]...you sure you..really love me? And all of this isn't...a-a joke?" He hiccupped softly.

Those questions made your heart sink, and you briefly pulled away to gaze at him in sadness. You knew he was still struggling with his self-confidence and self-image, often comparing himself to a "squishy bag of flesh" and feeling "too old", but for him to doubt your love?

Even after talking him off a cliff?

Even after going to the gridball game where you shared that first kiss?

Even after giving him the bouquet and mermaid pendant?

"After everything we've been through, you still don't think that I love you?" You asked softly, not with anger, but with worry.

"Just look at me, and look at every other guy in this town. You could'a had a doctor, someone who can still play gridball, a writer who lives by the sea...even that emo guy seems cool. But you chose me..."

With a sniffle, he clutched the mermaid pendant with trembling fingers. "...this pathetic..l-lowlife who doesn't do shit on this farm. I swear I'd change and get my act together, but I'm letting you down again...j-just like everyone else. And I'm so sorry...I'm such a failure." He sobbed harder.

"Wha..that's nonsense. You do more for me and this farm than you could possibly know." You cupped his face, feeling his cheeks grow wet with fresh tears. "You feed the animals, you water any crops my sprinklers could've missed...and those pepper poppers you give me help keep my energy up in the mines so I can come home safely."

"But..I can't even microwave them right." He whined. "I wanna have the energy to cook like you do-"

"What do you mean?" You frowned. "Last week, you made me a killer omelet when I went to bed angry over a Pepper Rex burning my favorite cardigan."

Shane blinked, searching his foggy brain for that memory, before it dawned on him that he actually DID wake up extra early to surprise you with an omelet he cooked on the stove. Made from Charlie's eggs, of course.

"Ah, that's right..well...I guess I'm good at some things.." He sniffled, slowly calming down.

You chuckled softly, thumbing away the rest of his tears, your fingers brushing over his scruff. He recently shaved it, but it grew back rather quickly--like a crop infused with deluxe growth fertilizer.

"You're good at being my partner, and keeping me company after a long day." You kissed him in the lips. "I love you, Shane. Nothing will change that, even if you have relapses."

"I love you, too..and 'm sorry. I just had this really bad nightmare, and I couldn't fight the urge tonight."

"I understand, I'm not angry." Bringing him back into a hug, you sighed as he squeezed you tightly. "Did you wanna talk about it? I know it's late but..I'm sure it'll help us both."

"...you promise not to laugh?"

"I promise."

"I..had a nightmare you divorced me."

"Huh..really?"

"Yeah, you filed the papers behind my back and said some...pretty hurtful stuff, like how it's "the best 50,000 gold you've ever spent", how what we had was just "a fling", and...how I'm leeching off of you." The longer he went on, the more he struggled to swallow back further tears. "And..you took the pendant back by force. With that dagger you always keep on you."

"....."

"I-It's stupid, but it...just felt so real. And when I woke up and you didn't come back from the mines yet, I thought maybe..it actually happened."

"Shane." You shook your head, leaning back again to bring his face into your hands. "No way would I EVER put that much gold towards something that stupid. This farmwork..it's so much to one person to handle, and I'm forever grateful you're here to help me. You're doing your best, and that's all I could ever ask for."

"Thank you.." He nodded, finally realizing that what he dreamed was nothing more than a ridiculous nightmare.

You smiled and kissed him again, making this one last a bit longer before you pulled away. "I'll get you some water, okay? I don't want my baby to have a hangover in the morning."

Shane sheepishly returned the smile, allowing you to get up and go to the kitchen, while he got comfortable in bed and patiently waited for your return. His hand went to the pendant on his chest, relieved it was still there.

Even though you were probably dead-tired from the mines..you still took the time to care for him when he hit another low. You didn't see him as a chore or a leech on your life.

You saw him as your husband, your soulmate..someone you were willing to love through thick and thin even when some days were harder than others.

Of course, his depression might tell him otherwise, and manifest those insecurities into nightmares.

But you'll still be here for him no matter what.

[penkura]

You have no idea how happy I am to finally find someone who writes for penguin 😭 he’s so fucking handsome and I love him sm!

Anyways onto my request, could you write a scenario with Law, Penguin, Zoro, and whoever else you’d like, of reader being hit on and then protecting her?

Thank you so much I am obsessed with your writing 😭💛

Yesss more love for Penguin!! He deserves it so much, omg, he's so good!

I've never been hit on before to my knowledge, so I'm just winging it here, but aahhh protective men. <3 I decided to add Shachi to this since he's started working his way into my circle of blorbos, so this my first time writing him in a romantic light lol. I hope you like it!

I'm sorry this took me SO LONG TO DO AAHH. I got back from vacation and life took over again.

Law

Law understands fully that his crew needs time off the Polar Tang every now and then, and that most of the time, that leads to everyone taking over a tavern when you dock, drinking their cares away while he watches to ensure no one does anything stupid. After the one time a fight broke out because Penguin unknowingly hit on the bar owner’s wife was enough, your captain keeps a close watch to cut off anyone who needs to stop before they do something to get you all in another fight.

Still, he has no problems letting you all have some time to relax and unwind, enjoy some drinks and the bad karaoke some of your crewmates partake in, as long as he keeps an eye on you specifically, Law is totally fine with the bar crawls that happen. He isn’t watching you because he doesn’t trust you, it’s the opposite. He trusts you more than anyone else on the crew, that’s why he watches you so closely when you’re out, to make sure you stay safe. There’s too many people out there, men and women, that are willing to lie or take advantage of you to get to him, Law understands that very well.

None of it has to do with the tiny little secret crush your captain has on you, nope. Not at all.

It has nothing everything to do with the guy flirting with you at the bar, it’s definitely not the reason his grip on his glass is so tight to the point you could hear a slight crack. Law can tell you aren’t entirely comfortable, by the nervous smile you have on your face as you inch back a little at a time, but the guy doesn’t seem to get the hint, moving closer, with a drunk grin on his face. Law doesn’t step in right away, just watching to make sure you’re safe. The second you let on that you feel unsafe, or the guy makes the wrong move, he’ll intervene. He has to keep his crewmates safe, small crush or not.

It's not even a minute later when the man puts a hand on your thigh, causing you to stiffen up, that you see the familiar blue from Law’s Room, and suddenly you’re sat in his lap as the drunkard jumps up when you disappear. Law’s arm wraps around your waist as the other guy looks around for you, too drunk to notice where you’ve been placed before he downs his own drink and asks for another, your captain almost sighing relief that he seems to be ignoring your sudden disappearance now.

“Uh, captain…?”

It takes just a moment for Law to realize you’re still in his lap, but he doesn’t bother to push you off or anything, not when he catches the eyes of another patron on you, instead pulling you a bit closer.

“Just stay here. I can keep those drunk idiots off you.”

You feel a bit weird sitting on his lap, but still nod, thankful Law watches out for you all.

You may have to talk to him later though, based on how touchy he seems to be while he keeps you with him, but that can wait. You’ll enjoy it while you can.

~~

Penguin

Penguin trusts you, sometimes he thinks more than he trusts Law and Shachi. He knows that no matter how many people try to flirt with or hit on you, you aren’t leaving his side. You two have been through far too much for you to even think about leaving Penguin at this point, and he does recognize that.

It still doesn’t help the pang he feels in his chest when someone starts to flirt with you, even thought you never reciprocate and instead bring up your boyfriend in retaliation. Most of the time that makes people back off, usually with a dejected look at the fact you’re already taken, and appear to be happily so. Rarely do people try to push and tell you to just forget about him, and when they do, it makes you angry enough to start yelling at them about how awful they are for trying to make you give up the best thing to ever happen to you, it never fails to make Penguin blush and give you all the love and affection in the world later.

Still, this time, he feels like you’ve bitten off more than you can chew. An older man flirts with you at the bar, but you of course aren’t interested, making that apparent as you sit with her chin in your hand and barely respond. He doesn’t seem to get that you have no interest in him, even when you say you’ve got a wonderful boyfriend that you’re madly in love with. When you get up to leave, the guy grabs your arm and tells you to forget Penguin, which just makes you mad and your boyfriend quickly gets up to try and stop you from doing anything to get you thrown out.

“Excuse me?! I’m not gonna just ‘forget him’! He’s the love of my life, he’s been with me for years!! You’re insane if you think I’m going to just leave him because you think I’m easy or something! And another thing, I—”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Penguin hooks his arms under yours, lifting you up as you keep yelling and start kicking your legs, he gives a nervous smile to the man and the bartender, “Sorry about her! My girlfriend gets a little angry when she’s had too much to drink! Come on, sweetheart, let’s get back to the hotel~”

Even though you agree, the whole walk there you complain to Penguin about the man that was hitting on you, how he couldn’t take no for an answer, and it makes your boyfriend sigh with a smile.

He’s always the one to pull you from starting a fight, he doesn’t have to protect you most of the time, but he’s always glad to pull you away before you hurt someone.

~~

Shachi

Shachi knows, he knows, that you and Sanji are just friends. You’ve been friends since you were children, your moms were best friends, you and the blond were just very close and spent a lot of your time playing together back then. You’ve told him, multiple times, that Sanji’s flirting with you is a joke, he’s never had romantic feelings for you and vice versa, you’ve always viewed him as a brother.

He just can’t help it and ends up giving Sanji the slightest of glares every time your dear friend flirts with you, even as you laugh and shove his arm, it doesn’t really help your boyfriend in feeling less jealous about it. Does he feel bad about it? Most of the time, yes, but he still ends up putting an arm around your shoulders and either ignoring Sanji’s comments or glaring at him to the point your best friend feels a little awkward.

Shachi is just very protective of you, even about Sanji. He trusts you, but he doesn’t want someone to steal you away and you’re the best thing to happen to him in recent years. You notice it quickly, when Sanji takes glances from you to Shachi and back, so you smile and tell him that Nami could probably use his company, which always gets your friend to throw his flirting and heart eyes to the true object of his affection, and Sanji runs off to her. You feel Shachi physically relax, still keeping his arm around your shoulders though, as you look up at him.

“Shach. He’s my best friend.”

“I know, I just…I’m sorry…”

“No need to be sorry,” you give him a quick kiss that makes Shachi bury his face in your shoulder and wrap his other arm around your waist in a hug, “Just trust me, okay? I love Sanji like a brother, but I love you.”

Shachi nods, telling you he loves you too, and feeling so grateful he has such an understanding girlfriend. He doesn’t feel like he deserves you sometimes.

He tries to not let Sanji’s joking flirting get to him after that, but it can be hard for him at times. At least you know it’s just because he loves you and doesn’t want to lose you.

~~

Zoro

Zoro has never worried about you being hit on by others. You rarely ever reciprocate, only if you really are interested, and that’s only because your swordsman has yet to make a move on you.  Literally everyone around you can see the fact you both have feelings for each other, but neither of you wants to ruin your friendship, so you’ve not even tried to say or do anything to change your status.

So when he sees other bar patrons flirting with you, Zoro doesn’t do much apart from keep an eye on you. He knows he has no real right to, but he’s always ready to jump up and help you if needed, keeping his free hand on his swords just in case someone gets a little too friendly with you. There have been a few times he’s almost jumped up and helped you, but you’ve been able to shake off the people flirting with or touching you easily, normally saying you’d get them another drink but never going back. They’re normally too drunk to notice anyway as you sneak back to your crewmates.

That normally works, but tonight, it seems the man who’s attention you’ve grabbed is a little more stubborn than others. He sits closer than anyone else has, and keeps touching you, even as you remove his hands from you or shrug him off, he still does it. The man has no sense of personal space or your rejection of his touches, it makes Zoro grip his swords a little tighter as he watches. He really wishes he could just go over, tell the guy you’re his, and get you away from him. So at first he doesn’t, Zoro knows you can handle yourself well enough to stop anyone that make you feel uncomfortable, you’re not his partner either, you can do as you please.

But the second he sees the guy’s hand move further up your thigh and you almost seem to freeze, he’s up and by you in a second, pulling you out of your seat and behind him, sending a harsh glare to the patron that dared touch you without your consent.

“She pushed your hands off multiple times, how much does it take for you to get the hint?!”

“Hey man, she—”

“Leave my girl alone or you’re dealing with me next time.”

Zoro doesn’t wait for a response and takes your hand, leading you over to where the rest of your crew is still seated, placing you beside him and not letting go of your hand, even when you try to bring it up. None of them say anything either at first, until Sanji smirks just a bit.

“So…‘your girl’, huh?”

“Another word and I’ll tell Luffy the combination to the fridge lock.”

Even as they all laugh at the horrified look on Sanji’s face, you smile and look at Zoro, mouthing a ‘thank you’ when he looks back to you, before he holds your hand a little bit tighter with a nod.

You could’ve easily thrown the pervert that was touching you to the ground, Zoro even knows that, but he wouldn’t miss the chance to prove how important you are to him and that he can protect you from anything. Not like you needed him to show you that though.

[sefinaa]

❝𝐏𝐀𝐂: 𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐮𝐩 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞 𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬. 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞; 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞.❞

A message from your inner child

Subliminal channel | Masterlist

Tips | Paid Readings | Tarot services (new!!)

This is a tarot card reading. I recommend letting your inner child, that kid's voice of yours, to pick the pile(s) for you.

18+ intuitive readings: @enchantressiren

Divider | Divider II | Pics

Pile I

Knight of cups

Dear myself,

Sometimes, I wonder why you allow other people to step on us. I know you have this dream to be the best and to have all the riches in the world. But how can you have those riches if you are a doormat? Do you remember when you told me once that we would travel the world and find all that we could see? Sometimes we would act like pirates so we could find those riches. But we never did it. Instead, we allowed others to step on us and steal our gold. Do you think it’s still worth it for that to happen? I don't want to keep doing this and seeing you hurt each time. I do not deserve it, and you are aware of this, so why keep doing it to yourself? Can we just stop it already and find what we are looking for? Let's make a map again and find our treasure. The treasure you have to find is through healing this time. It’s going to be a long journey, but I think it’s worth the hunt! Maybe you will get lost and feel scared at times, but that’s what a journey is all about, right? To defeat the sea creatures and the stormy nights, to find the gold and the ladies, or maybe a fun time this time.. (I hear your inner child laughing at this stereotypical joke), and to find the best souvenirs and companionship like a parrot! Or maybe this time we have some really good friends that value us.. Because I'm genuinely tired now. So please, if you cannot do it for yourself, please do it for me and let go of these people. Let's find our people for once, because I'm tired. 

Thank you, myself!!!

Seeeeeee you soon! (And I see them smiling so brightly that the sun would be jealous).

Masterlist | Tarot services (new!!)

Pile II

Reversed nine of wands, and ten of wands

Hi hi hiiiiii,

How are you today? I hope you’re okay.. But I know you’re sad today. Mommy hurt us again, right? Or maybe it was daddy, I am not sure anymore; they’re always hurting us either way, so maybe it doesn't matter. Sometimes we think we don't have any power in this world, but we do. I am so tired of life sometimes, but those are your thoughts, aren’t they? I am not tired of life because I have you in my life. Actually, I am blessed to have someone so strong by my side. It makes me so happy to know that despite the hardship we face, we keep going because we believe there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel. But guess what! There is, and I know that everything seems rocky right now. Because I am with you, right around the corner.. Pssst, I am in your heart, protecting you as much as I can. But sometimes it’s hard to keep carrying the boulder over my shoulder, so maybe instead you could protect me? For once, start to protect yourself when others hurt us. We can’t always allow others to hurt us; we have to defend ourselves. And while it may be difficult, if we truly believe in ourselves (channeling a determined face with your inner child), we will be able to beat them! (I see your inner child roaring and acting like they’re going into a war riding a horse, and they’re a commander in a kid's body). But seriously.. we could do it if we wanted to. So dear me.. Keep going forward, keep striving forward, so when we get to that light, we get to see the people who hurt us, crawl, and beg to allow them into our world. But do not let them in because this is our reward for fighting so hard, and I do not want them there, kay? 

We have to be our own warriors, or else we will get stepped over, and I really, really, reallllllyyyyyyy can’t have that, and you know that I can't. We are deserving of the best in the whole wide west, or is it east? Actually, wait, forget that. Let’s just take all the sides like the avatar and defeat them all, because I really want to see you when you make it to the light with a smile on your face!

Bye!

Masterlist | Tarot services (new!!)

Pile III

Reversed ten of pentacles, seven of swords, and reversed ace of wands.

I heard a big sigh from them.

Hello. So we meet again, huh? How many fucking pick a card piles are you going to pick only to ignore those messages because it’s not what you want? Why do you have a stick up your ass? You keep making the same mistakes, and I am so tired of it! (I hear them yelling loudly). Each time there is a problem coming to us, you run away, not because you’re scared but because you don't want to deal with the consequences. You can’t keep being a dick to someone and expect them not to retaliate. You know people nowadays aren’t stupid, so we can’t keep manipulating someone; people will find out the truth eventually. So stop being a dumbass and heal your trauma. And you can say, ‘’hey! Why are you being so mean to me, or she’s being harsh.’’ But at the end of the day, we aren’t a cookie either. We aren’t good people, you know. I don't like your behavior one bit. If you keep acting like a player, we will become fucking bankrupt, and no (more yelling and it’s getting louder), not with money, dumbwit! With people, for god’s sake, with people! I keep telling you not to make a bad choice because it’s gonna fuck you up, but do you listen? NO. START LISTENING TO ME. I AM TRYING TO HELP YOU!

(more sighing, and I hear them screaming to release their anger). 

Look, I'm really trying with you. I am not sure how to get it through your thick skull, but you need to stop acting and playing with other people's emotions. You have to LET GO and be kind to other people with sincerity. Yeah, I know we are fucked in the head; I get it. After all, I am you, but we haven't gained anything from this. Our life has been the same. It’s like reliving the same life, and I'm so sick of it. Let’s just move forward for once and deal with the consequences. You have the green light now, so here is your sign. You like melons, right? Get something with melon flavor, eat it, and tell yourself, "Fuck it, I am going to be myself, and that is all." Don't look back and just fucking do it already. Let me see OURSELVES happy for once.

Thanks,

Your inner child. (They are giving you a cheeky grin and a thumbs up).

Masterlist | Tarot services (new!!)

Pile IV

Queen of wands, the magician, (reversed) nine of swords, and the world.

When I look at the stars, I get very excited. I get to see all the little stars out in our world; maybe everyone sees them too.. Or they're too busy with their electronics.. I'm not sure.. But when I look at them, I become really excited, and I feel like the world isn't out to get me anymore. Sometimes.. all the time.. all the time. You're always on your phone, and you won't do anything for us or for me. You won't go hiking or camping like you used to. You won't read, you won't write, and you won't play fun games to reconnect with me anymore. You're always lost on your phone scrolling through Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook; I'm getting really tired of it. Please stop being so absorbed in the electronic world and become engrossed with me. I miss you, I miss you, and I miss when we did fun things for ourselves and truly valued ourselves. I can't deal with you hurting me and not using your passions to find happiness in this dreadful world. It makes me sad that I am not your top priority anymore.. Why do you pick that phone over me? Why do you focus on other people instead of me? Why don't you—why can’t you just be (your pronoun) again? Please, please, please—all the pleases in the world. I will even wish on a shooting star!

Just be back in the present moment, and please, please.. Just be with me instead. Okay? I need you to focus on us again, and I need you to see the world again and explore. I can't have you hurt me again doing the things YOU don't even like; it's not worth it. Let's go have fun and explore all we can in the world before our time is up. Do you really want to be on your deathbed regretting the hardships and not transforming them into good opportunities for growth and change in our lives? Or would you rather be genuinely okay with doing absolutely nothing, using that phone, and lazing around in bed? Because right now, it sounds okay to you.. But when we get older, we are going to regret it, and I don't want you to do it anymore, okay? I really, really need you to stop. 

Thanks,

Your (name)’s inner child

(Your pile is very rocky. I struggled to channel your energy and kept questioning my deck. And I was struggling to be myself throughout writing your pile. Which means you doubt yourself way too much and put on masks from left to right. Of course, I cannot tell you to stop since it takes time to heal from that, but from my experiences, I have learned some things. People don’t like you based on how fun you are; they like you for your presence. Your presence is lost atm, instead of going further in that direction, learn from your past and what you have to heal with. Right now, you need to heal by loving your authentic self and removing doubts from your mind. Remember, everyone is completely different from one another, and choosing yourself is ideal rather than allowing yourself to be lost as you keep wearing different masks. It’s completely okay to be anxious during social situations, but try to remind yourself that being yourself is okay. Making mistakes is part of growth, and rejection is redirection. When you get rejected, that situation or person isn’t meant to be in your life, and a beautiful opportunity will come along. It has to because it wouldn't make sense if it didn’t).

Masterlist | Tarot services (new!!)

Pile V

(Reversed) eight of pentacles, ten of pentacles, and (reversed) ten of wands.

Right off the bat, all I hear is, ‘’why do you ignore me so much for those who fuck with us like a chew toy?”

Hi, hello, hellooo?? Is anyone there? Oh, for fuck sake, as expected, because you always ignore me and don't hear me out. You think other people who treat us fucking badly are good for us, but they aren’t. They aren't worth our time, and yet you keep letting them run you over like you are nothing. Do you honestly think that’s okay? It shouldn't be allowed, because I am not having it. And you shouldn't either. (a lot of sassy and angry energy right now). I have seen you go from the sweetest angel in the entire fucking world to a complete jackass in seconds (exaggeration), because of what exactly? Peer pressure and influence. When did we come to the point and be like, ‘’yeah, this is a good idea? I should FOLLOW ALONG OTHER FUCKING PEOPLE AND NOT OUR OWN? Who said that was a good idea? No one. ’’Fucking hell, you're probably ignoring this, leaving not to see this because it’s too harsh for your ego, or getting mad. Stop that, and just accept the truth. I need you, yeah, you. I need you to listen to me for once and go back to being the real you instead of wearing all of these masks because of peer pressure. I know it’s hard; believe me, I know I am you AFTER ALL, but can't you just imagine I am there with you? And you and I are playing ball; we are playing something that we used to like—can you just imagine that?—and you are taking care of yourself and me because, after all, I am you. Just imagine WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE FOR YOU TO—HEY LISTEN. Thank you. As I was saying, can you just imagine leaving those people who don't serve you well and focusing on us? I know being alone is scary; I get that, but for our growth to heal, we need to let go of those bastards, because how can you heal with toxicity in your face 24/7? And don't fucking smoke and ruin your body. Stop the drugs; it’s not worth it. Yeah, stop thinking about cigarettes like it's a cool aesthetic; you want to fuck your body for that pressure and regret it with tears in your eyes later in life—a fucked and damaged body because of peer pressure? I am not fucking having it. Screw those people that hurt you, screw everything that is fucking with you, and for once, listen to me through this message and heal me so you can feel SAFE ONCE MORE.

(There was a lot of sassy, unappreciated, frustrated, and angry energy. A lot of you are ignoring how you feel and pushing them aside with an alcoholic beverage or in an empty bottle (visualization). A lot of you seem to have forgotten who you once were due to pressure from those around you. Since letting go and cutting ties with those who keep us company can be challenging, I recommend that you learn to enjoy your own presence and figure out what your boundaries and morals are as your own person. Not other people. And, also, learn to appreciate what makes you who you are. So, it's okay to have flaws, but it's important to take accountability for those flaws. For example, y manipulated their friend because they wanted something. Now, it is y's responsibility to apologize to their friend and accept what they did. And then used that past experience for their future when it comes to wanting something without being irrational. And y should also accept what they did and understand who they want to be while forgiving themselves in the process instead of hurting themselves. Because I believe we should heal ourselves and apologize to ourselves for the wrongdoing we do, even if we cannot earn someone's forgiveness. Having peace and respect for ourselves, even for the mistakes we made, is okay, because how can you heal if you keep sabotaging yourself for hurting or causing a mistake? There would be no healing from that). 

Masterlist | Tarot services (new!!)

Pile VI

Seven of wands and (reversed) two of pentacles. 

My love!! Hi!!! How are you today?! I hope you are okay. I’m struggling right now, though! :(.

Right now, we are lost in who we are. We went through so much pain and stress, and our justice isn’t coming to us, and we are becoming obsessed with the thought, ‘’when is it coming?’’ and I know the obsession is the only thing keeping you safe, but I need you to realize you’re stressing us out. It’s affecting us, not them. Life is a test, but life is there to help and guide us. We need to be patient for our justice to come, and I know it’s hard, I know. But we need to take care of ourselves for the time being. Can we listen to our comfort songs again? I’m really missing her voice right now. Can we talk to our loved ones again like old times? I don't want to keep pushing them away because I’m hurting. We don't deserve to hurt our friends who care for us; we will regret it. It’s not worth hurting those who care for us. I think it’s important that we prioritize ourselves for the time being, as life gives us the justice we deserve and for the people that hurt us.. Well, I’m sure life will be on our side this time.

And if things become harder, then talk to me through a mediation video. I want to be there to support and love you. I know I’m the kid version of you, and sometimes you think children aren’t intelligent (because of the feminine figure in our lives and their fucked up views), but I promise you, I am very intelligent to help you! I know the struggle you are facing, and you aren’t alone because I am here with you. Right by your side, till death do us part, and you can think of me as your companionship, but can I be a small pig? I love pigs a lot! You can imagine carrying a small pig or a stuffed animal version of the pig—of me! This sounds so exciting (giggles). Off topic now; I have to go back to the topic! (The energy is scattered, so you may be overthinking a lot). I want you to even do ‘’higher self meditation’ and speak with them. They know more than us, and they will be there to guide us—after all, it’s our future selves, right? So why would they harm us? It makes no sense. And please stop overthinking everything; nothing bad can happen to us because we deserve the best! I hope one day you can see that too, and when we get our justice, because we will, I hope that we can finally smile like old times when we ate at the beach with daddy.. I hope we can do that again, but at his grave.. this time. 

(I see them smiling softly and hugging an imaginary version of you. Then they wave goodbye to you and disappear, but a beautiful yellow light surrounds the atmosphere, giving me sunshine and happy vibes).

Masterlist | Tarot services (new!!)

[neiptune]

aot boys x reacting to a dream where you die

a/n: inspired by @meowzfordayz and her wonderful hcs! got a bit carried away lol these are too long but i hope you enjoy anyway :)

eren secretly freaks tf out but is too embarrassed to admit it. you wake up to the pressure of his hands not so subtly traveling across different parts of your belly and hips, the coolness of his fingertips on your bare skin making you shiver. “eren? what're you doing?” you ask, confused, your own hands closing around his wrists to delicately move them away. but he resists your push, his fingers stubbornly finding their way to the familiar albeit faded scar residing right above your hip bone. “sorry. didn't mean to wake you” his voice cracks, which is enough to prompt you to sit up. “tell me what's wrong” you take one of his hands and squeeze twice, your secret way to communicate that everything's fine. eren's big eyes search for signs of distress or pain in yours but all he finds is genuine concern and grogginess. he relaxes and weakly squeezes your hand right back. “bad dream. it's stupid, let's just go back to sleep” but of course you see right through his fake composure and pull him in for a hug, gently hushing the trembling exhale that tickles your neck as his arms close around you. “you're okay” he whispers to himself and you hum in confirmation, nodding against his shoulder. “i am. the only thing truly hurting me is your snoring”. he huffs at that, covertly thankful you're still there to give him a reason to roll his eyes

lol armin will not be there when you wake up in the middle of the night, senses alert bc of the unusually cold, empty spot next to you. he doesn't reply when you call him so you're forced to get up and explore the whole floor, bathroom to study, until you hear some muffled sniffling coming from downstairs and you rush to the living room, heart in your throat. “armin??? are you okay? what happened??” he's curled into himself on the couch but as he hears your voice he lifts his head, heavy groan crawling up from his throat because what the fuck, why are you awake? he hates hates hates the idea of you seeing him like this for the nth time, always so stupid and helpless now with tear stained cheeks too for something that's not even real. “nothing” his defensive tone startles you and he regrets it immediately, sigh heavy as he tiredly rubs his temples, a sign of surrender and vulnerability that draws you in until you're sitting next to him, warm hand closing on his knee. “what if i brew some tea? we still have some cookies left” you speak gently and his gaze softens, guilt already bubbling in the pit of his stomach. “it's 2am” “and?” “you have to work tomorrow” “and??”. so he ends up brewing the tea instead and you simply won't talk about what happened until the next morning, after a fair amount of the night before was spent sharing homemade peanut butter cookies with armin taking your hand to press gentle kisses to your wrist from time to time <3

oh my god jean 100% feels too stupid to mention it or letting a dumb dream upset him once he's awake and can physically see you and touch you as you're making breakfast together, he's also too proud to admit how horrible it felt to see your body get so rigid, your skin too cold, eyes void of their usual light. so he doesn't mention it. but you can tell something is off: he's more attentive than usual (when has he ever pushed you away from the toaster bc you might bet burned?) he's extremely touchy-feely (more than usual lol it's fine for him to have his arms wrapped around you as you're rinsing a fork but not letting go? not even allowing you to turn off the stove, at the expense of his precious eggs, now at risk of charring??) so of course your spider senses detect that something isn't quite right and you interrogate him over breakfast, just as he casually plays with your fingers and quite uncomfortably tries to eat with his left hand. “what d'you mean i'm being weird? that how you accept my unconditional love?” he has you rolling your eyes a number of times before he shrugs with a “had a nightmare last night, no biggie” “did something happen to me?” “yeah, no need to take the piss, i know it's dumb”. a fond smile tugs at the corners of your lips as you shrug as well. “wasn't gonna take the piss. if something happened to you in one of my dreams, i'd probably freak out” “oh thank god” jean forces you up from your chair in a split second and pulls you in the tightest hug in recorded history lol

well connie will definitely blurt it out and attempt to downplay it at the same time lmao don't even get me started you'll wake up and he'd be in the kitchen making coffee greeting you with something like “g'morning! btw i dreamed you died last night hahaha isn't that so stupid??? you were dead dead, like R.I.P you, right in my arms” and you're standing there like 🤨🤨🤨 “i'm glad you thought that was funny?” “so funny, i even cried a little when i woke up haha you were sleeping right next to me and i was tearing up like a dumbass omg did i mention how still you were???” his emotional responses are all sorts of fucked up tbh. connie doesn't always know how to react to things and unexpected situations and complicated feelings bc he's so used to being the cheerful comic relief but somewhere underneath all the sunshine he carries around there's actual fear. connie is actually scared, all the time. of the ocean, of loneliness, of losing those who are dear to him, of being too much and not nearly enough at the same time. he has his own ways of dealing with fear and they're not always ideal. so you delicately take the clutched phone from his hands and peck his lips once, twice, each kiss lasting longer than the former until he takes your face in his hands and just keeps it there, forehead resting on yours. “i'm here. and you're a stupid idiot for calling yourself a dumbass”. he chuckles at that, which makes you smile. “promise you'll stay alive long enough to call me a stupid idiot a million more times?” “yes, if you wash the dishes”

i mean of course levi is mad. lol. at himself, bc he was not able to protect you in his dream and at you bc where tf are you??? he's petrified sitting up in (a very much empty) bed, mentally gives himself 3 seconds before he allows irrational panic to kick in but thank fuck you flush the toilet 1,5 seconds later, wash your hands and come back to your shared bedroom to find the grumpy man you're in love with glaring daggers your way, scowl so deep you hesitate by the door, silently wondering what you did wrong. were you being so tossy and turny you woke him up? did you take more than your share of blankets? did you accidentally punch him in the face? (it has happened and he was surprisingly nice about it lol). “i'm sorry” you blurt out, cautious as you climb onto your bed again, slipping your legs underneath the covers. “what are you apologizing for?” his voice sounds weird, which freaks you out even more. “not sure” you tilt your head “but you look mad”. levi huffs, features softening. “was it sleep kicking? or did i fart? you know edamame gives me real bad gas—” “you did not fart” he runs a hand through his hair, simultaneously exhausted and biting back an incredulous smile. “you died” he blurts it out but saying it out loud sucks so badly that he clenches his fists and you don't really know how to react. “i couldn't do shit about it. you just died. t'was horrible and i know it's not your fault and it was just a dream but...” “i'm sorry i died” your soft reply interrupts his babbling and prompts another snort. “stop apologizing” “what can i do, then?”. levi inspects your features attentively and takes your hand underneath the covers, intertwining his fingers with yours. “promise you won't do it again” he goes along with your silliness and you smile, nose rubbing against his, barely audible whisper of a “promise” before kissing him

porco will never and i mean never tell you what's up lmao his dumbass would rather die than admit a dream has had the power to affect him at all. he's a grown up™ and rational™ enough to discern reality from fantasy and guess what?? his current reality = you roaming around the house to cook, do the laundry, jokingly mock his housework skills as he vacuums rooms missing entire spots and breaks yet another glass in the sink (“stfu the sponge was too damn soapy it slipped” ) but honestly? porco doesn't even notice how much he stares the day after his nightmare. not just in the morning, he literally can't cast his eyes away from you for the entire day. he's 12 so as soon as you mention it he gets defensive lol like you'll be on the couch with your legs on his lap as he watches something on his laptop, you're reading a book and you'll say something along the lines of “ya know you've been staring a lot today” and he'll automatically reply “yeah?? cuz you're ugly” which only confirms your hunch. “don't be an ass, why were you staring??” “just told you?” “porco” “that's my name, don't wear it out” he's so infuriating honestly but eventually your persistence does wear him down enough to elicit one true response: “because i wanted to make sure you're actually here”. you tilt your head, confused frown that makes him bite back a smile. “what does that even mean?? where else would i be? are you high?” “high on you, babe” lmao yeah he won't tell you how horrible and scary and wrong it was to see your body get so still and your eyes suddenly unwilling to open and your hands not squeezing his back no matter how much he screamed and called for you and cursed and cried. why would he? porco can discern reality from fantasy. as you jokingly poke his side with your sock-clad foot and laugh as he grabs it to nibble at your ankle, he's grateful af for his reality :)

reiner instantly wakes you up lol he's too shaken to think straight and can't handle the pounding of his heart nor the cold sweat coating his forehead tbh. you freak out as well bc he looks like shit so you think he's not feeling well -> it's 30 entire seconds of back and forth (“are you okay?” “are you okay??” “why are you shaking???” “why are you sweating????”) until you can sense his stress is about to grow into a full on anxiety attack and you take his giant, cold, clammy hands in yours, squeezing hard enough to ground him. “baby, breathe with me. i'm right here, okay? just like that. deep and slow”. it doesn't matter that he squeezes back hard enough to hurt you. “you're doing great! wanna count with me?”. he closes his eyes and you both count to ten out loud, three times before he looks at you again and the crude fear that was in his gaze is long gone, leaving space to relief and slight embarrassment. “don't apologize” you cut him off right as his lips part “are you okay? can you wait for me? i'll go grab some water and—” he interrupts you right back by slotting his mouth to yours, with a kiss so feverish your brain shortcircuits. deaf to your protests, he will keep murmuring nonsense against your lips, an endless progression of i'm sorry, you're fine, i'm sorry, i love you, thank god, i love you so much. when you're allowed to catch your breath at last he presses one last kiss to your forehead and you're finally able to connect the dots. much like armin, he doesn't enjoy being so weak and emotional so often around you, but he also knows you feel strongly about him being so hard on himself. you won't have it. so reiner silently accepts and is oh so grateful for each sweet reassuring word you whisper to the shell of his ear, knowing all too well that nightmares have nothing on your i'm here and i'm never leaving and i know i'm safe with you

[girlbossblackbeard]

THOUGHTS AND LAYERS

i spent literally an hour analyzing this trailer at 0.5 speed. this post is long af and these thoughts are in no particular order and are poorly organized:

-there's a big storm (which I think was already confirmed), and ed gets swept overboard by a bucket on a rope:

he then crawls up out of the water onto the beach

then goes into the forest, creates a hut, has a journey of healing and self-discovery, meets hornigold (or his ghost??)

and kills him thus killing the part of himself that he hated the most (his violence) as a parallel to stede finally getting rid of nigel's ghost by accepting and believing in himself

-in the stede/ed split screen, the stede shot is from the first ep of s2 right after stede finds the marooned crew at the end of ep 10 in s1 (you can tell bc his hair and clothes are still clean, there's no gay bandana around his neck, and that's his lil dinghy buttons is rowing)

-they go to shore and wind up at the merchants shop where "susan" overhears they're tracking down blackbeard

and she invites stede's crew onto her ship, cue the outfit change in the BTS photos:

-the way stede makes that little swishy turn in the red coat -

makes me think this may be first time he's been in fine clothes since his "death" and i hope we get a moment of him reflecting on how he gave up everything for ed only to have him hate him :( but then obviously realizing that ed is worth it and he'd do it all again in a heartbeat if it meant getting a chance at spending the rest of his life with him

-izzy and stede team up, and izzy is clearly training either himself or stede on the revenge (?)

soooooo many questions: what caused him to leave ed and join stede's crew? is he fighting with ed and is training to take him out or is he just done having his love be unrequited so he leaves and just so happens to stumble into stede? is izzy thinking that if he can't cut out the longing he has for ed he has to kill him instead so the pain will go away? what, pray tell, the fuck is going on in here on this day

-wee john in the mermaid costume (and olu in a bunny or donkey costume?):

a fuckery? or just a weird acid trip? OR IS IT THE TALENT SHOW THEY NEVER GOT TO HAVE??

-ed really does force everyone on his crew to wear war paint

-all the tally marks scratched into the walls - is that the number of days since stede bonnet broke ed's heart?

-ed in the forest in PEARL NECKLACE HELLOW????????

-the tear in ed's eye as he moves the cake toppers closer together which he also painted to make the lady look more like him he literlaly is in love wiht stede so bad wht the FUCJ

-ed's crew is murdering SO MANY PEOPLE at the wedding wtf (pic not included bc scary)

-delusional moment but i hope anne bonny on stede's lap is looking at calico jack off screen

-stede and ed are running towards each other on the black sand beach (thank you @sluterastede for pointing this out to me wtf!!!!!!)

which evolves my theory that ed in the forest goes through his healing journey and realizes he wants to openly love stede again but then the navy attack and stede just so happens to have found ed at the same time and they're fighting to get to each other and taking out everyone in their way (what if that was okracoke lmao)

-the swede and spanish jackie hooking up in the trailer

makes me think the bts shot of ed and jackie is them looking at stede and the swede, and ed being SO in love with stede obvi but jackie is watching the swede do some weirdly hot shit so she's gotta have him (what if they got married and he became her umpteenth husband in a drunken vegas-like shotgun wedding where she wakes up the next day to realize what has happened lmao)

-also this pic is DEF from the reunited/make up era bc ed's half-up hair, no makeup, soft eyes, and buttons' clothing. i am weeping

-stede in pain - is it an injury or a tattoo? or torture as @sluterastede posits?? he looks down at his lower body before screaming so maybe he knows what's about to happen to him??

-ed in the forest wearing the pearl necklace (see above), ed saying "fuck you stede bonnet" wearing the pearl necklace (see below)

does he pick it up at the wedding??? (theory credit to @sluterastede!!!! can u tell we watched the trailer together 400 times) i can't tell if he's wearing it in the one wide shot of him in that scene:

but regardless of when he acquires it, does he take it bc he remembers stede said he wears fine things well???? and he starts to believe he may deserve them??

-side note about a LACK of something: ed isn't wearing the cravat at all in the trailer near as i can tell, and he's not wearing the pearl necklace when throwing knives at the wall (at least from what I can see, which is not much) which leads me to believe that scene is in the earlier part of the season

-lastly, the most important song lyrics from the trailer (the beautiful ones by prince):

and that's my dissertation on the ofmd season 2 teaser trailer thank you

[lolahasmoxie]

Conversations at 3 AM (E.M.)

PAIRING: Eddie Munson x Reader

WORD: 1.3k

WARNING: nudity, language, casual intimacy, established relationship, friends to lovers, mentions of getting pregnant, mentions of sexy times, heart-to-heart talks (Eddie & reader are 25)

CONCEPT: You and Eddie aren't used to people sticking around.

DIVIDER FROM @firefly-graphics

Even though you were born at 6 a.m. on the dot, you were a night owl through and through.

During high school and college, summer meant you became a nocturnal creature, much to the annoyance of your family. There was one person it never annoyed, though.

You had met Eddie in elementary school after he moved into the trailer across from yours. From the day you met, you had been thick as thieves. For years, your friends watched as you skirted the line of will they won't they, watching the other traverse dating and relationships with an envious eye. It wasn't until a year ago, when Eddie kissed you during the middle of a movie night, that you had finally become more.

Tonight, you'd had dinner at Steve's house with the whole gang, seeing as Mike, Dustin, and Lucas were all in town for a long weekend from college. The boys had planned a one-off campaign at your shared apartment the following night, and by midnight, you and Eddie were in your home.

Side by side, you brushed your teeth, trying not to laugh as Eddie made faces at you in the mirror. Once in your Queen bed, Eddie's hands began mapping your body, and in a practiced routine that felt like breathing, you let him love you until sleep came for you both.

However, this time, sleep only came for Eddie.

You had tried everything to fall back asleep: counting sheep, listing Metallica songs followed by Black Sabbath, breathing in time with Eddie. Nothing worked. So, as carefully as you could, you crawled out of his hold, placing your pillow closer to Eddie when he started to stir. As his gangly arms wound around the object, you entered your kitchen.

You had been at the table for a while when you heard soft footsteps coming down the hallway. Turning your head, you watch as your tall metalhead boy walks into the kitchen naked as a jaybird, cock dangling freely as his hands wipe at his eyes like a little boy.

"What time issit." he mumbles as Eddie comes up behind you. He wraps his arms around you, placing a kiss on your hairline. "Why are you still up?"

"Almost 3 a.m. and I tried to go to sleep, but no dice," you say. He nods in understanding before sitting next to you at the table.

"I was having this great dream; you were wearing that black number you wore to our last show at the Hideout? Anyway, you were letting me drag you to the bathroom to do unspeakable things to you when I woke up, and instead of rubbing against my pretty girlfriend, I was humping your pillow. By the way, I'm pretty sure there's a stain, and I'm sorry in advance." You can't help but smile as you dip a carrot into the hummus.

"Didn't want to wake you up. You know how I toss and turn when I can't sleep."

"So there's no reason you're up at almost 3 a.m. eating," he paused as he reached for the container of hummus. "Jalapeno hummus? Holy fuck, you're not pregnant, are you?"

"No, you asshole," you playfully slap Eddie's arm as he tries to play off his terrified expression. "Nice to know how you feel about the topic, though."

"I'm just warning you, we could be on a babymaking schedule to get knocked up; I will still probably freak the fuck out when it does happen, so just a heads up for when we get there."

"Duly noted." you chuckle. Eddie laces his hand into yours and brings them to his lips. You can feel his eyes on you; you know Eddie will give you your space to work out whatever is going on in your brain. But he's also a persistent asshole who won't stop until he finds out why you left him alone in bed. "Does this ever feel too good, Eds?"

"What do you mean?"

"Us. I mean, we disagree on things, but we never really fight. Being together with you has always just felt scarily easy; I've never had that with other boyfriends." You sigh as you look at your joined hands. "Feels like I'm waiting for something, but I don't know for what."

"Easy, I know what it is," Eddie says as he gives your hand a squeeze. "You're waiting for the other shoe to drop." When you meet his gaze, those cow-brown eyes study you, looking at you with more love than you think you can handle.

"Elaborate, please."

"You and I have always been alike," he begins. "our dating histories are littered with people telling us we were too much. Too loud, too needy, or too whatever. But here's the good part, babe. You will never be too much for me. Ever."

"You mean it?" You're impressed that he could sum up your feelings so succinctly. He grins at you, a beautiful smile spreading from ear to ear.

"Of course I mean it. I had to watch you date assholes for ten years; you really think I'm gonna let you go now that I'm lucky enough to call you mine? Not a chance, sweetheart." You reach out a hand and cup his cheek, and you can't help but smile when Eddie leans into your touch.

"Thank you, Eddie."

"No problem; you know, I had resigned myself to loving you from afar a long time ago. Sometimes, when I wake up next to you, I feel like I gotta pinch myself to make sure it's real."

"You're such a cheeseball," you tease. "Why don't you head back to bed? I'm gonna clean up and join you in a minute." You stand from your chair, but Eddie stops you with a tug of your hand. In a flash, you're on his lap. Your hands hold onto his shoulders, although you're in no danger of falling. Edde's grip is secure as he gives you a look you are all too familiar with. You speak his name, and he raises a hand to push the hair from your face.

"You know, it was very mean to leave me in that big bed all by myself," he begins, his hand cupping your cheek. You feel your body warm as his thumb caresses your cheek. "Why don't you let me take you back to bed and help quiet that big brain of yours. Sound good, sweetheart?"

You lean in to kiss your man, his arms wrapping tight around you as he fists your shirt in his hands. When his tongue runs along the seam of your lips, you happily grant him access, tangling your hands in his hair while you slowly start to grind against him. When you feel him hard and warm underneath you, you think you may never want to sleep again.

You both enjoy the kiss, neither of you rushing things. You pull back when you need air, and while Eddie's face is happy, there's something else. You raise an eyebrow as he licks his lips.

"You taste like salsa." You can't help but laugh as you lean forward and bury your nose in his neck. He pulls you closer, hands caressing your back like you're the most precious being in his universe. You can feel his chuckle as your chests press together.

You stay still for a moment to enjoy being surrounded by him. One of the things you loved about being nocturnal was how quiet the world was at almost 3 a.m. You hum contentedly when you feel Eddie's lips against your hair. You close your eyes, wanting to commit this moment, this feeling to memory.

"Alright," Eddie taps you on the ass and breaks the silence. "Let me take you back to bed, alright?" You climb out of his lap and softly kiss the corner of his mouth.

"I'll go brush my teeth. Why don't you go make sure the bed is warm." Eddie hops up, cock bobbing comically as he begins to do a naked run back to your room.

"I'll keep the home fires burning! If I fall asleep, wake me up with head!"

BONUS: THE NEXT DAY

Dustin: I'm just gonna have a seat here, and we can get started.

Eddie: fair warning, my naked ass has been on that chair.

Dustin: 😳

Dustin: like, recently naked?

Eddie: last night.

Dustin: you're a fucking animal.

Eddie: 😁

[thinkinonsense]

Magnetic──★ Logan Howlett x fem!oc: Chapter Four

╰┈➤Summary: After years of torture, Daphne decides how she wants to spend the rest of her life; at the bottom of a lake. Out of nowhere, Logan pulls Daphne from the water and finds her help. Now they must navigate how to live with their decisions.

╰┈➤C/W: mentions of death, suicide, cursing, age gap, mild violence, issues with infertility, slight sexual themes, mentions of body mutilations, blood, and sort of a hysterectomy (nothing super graphic)

ᯓ★ mdni.ᐟ

ᯓ★word count: 1.7k+

ᯓ★ spotify playlist link

ᯓ★ last chapter here

ᯓ★ A/N: Sorry for the chapter being so short. i had this idea and needed to right it. hope you enjoy!

✮⋆˙ It's been days and Daphne hasn't seen Logan around the mansion. She began to worry that maybe he was starting to regret his decision to save her and bring her here. It wasn't until day three while training with Storm, that she found out where he had been.

"Jean mentioned they would be busy these next couple of days," Storm says nonchalantly.

"Oh," Daphne let out under her breath.

The worst part of Daphne's attraction control is that it can work both ways. Deep down she was yearning for something she didn't deserve. She felt it once before and now he is dead. Maybe that's why Logan has been avoiding her; he feels like she is manipulating his feelings. Daphne figured that the best thing she could do for him was avoid him too; for his sake.

That is exactly how that week went. Not once did their paths cross. Logan disappeared with Jean while Daphne spent time training with Storm and some of the other students. During the evening, Daphne stayed in her room with Juna. Storm, Rogue, and even Jean would knock on her door to invite her to join everyone at dinner but she always declined; making up some bullshit excuse. Nighttime was a struggle for Daphne. She would fight off sleep by distracting herself with books, her cat, or pacing around the room until her legs hurt. It wasn't easy for her as her eyes would often drift into slumber at some point.

Tonight happened to be one of those nights.

──★

Within the walls of her slumber, Daphne awoke in the familiar glass cage, curled up, and barefoot covered in a puddle of her own blood. A loud yell in the distance urges her to crawl to the glass, despite the gush of blood seeping from her.

"Help!" Daphne screamed at the top of her lungs. "Please!"

After minutes of howling, she sees them. Bellinor, two guards, and the love of her life; tied up and blindfolded. Daphne panics banging against the glass frantically. She did what they told her, wiped out millions and now they would wipe out what she loved too.

"Please! Take me instead!" Daphne cried, face full of tears. "Take me! Kill me instead! He doesn't deserve this!"

They ignored her pleas; instead calling the bonded man a 'trader' and 'coward' for caring for someone so evil. Someone who could never truly love him back.

Daphne's powers were useless behind the special glass. Bellinor made her watch as he destroyed the only world she knew. In a split second, the bullet flies through his head. In a mighty roar, Daphne's eyes roll back to return to dark red. Everything around the men shakes angrily, including the floor and ceiling. Finally, the glass cell bursts open.

Like a true coward, Bellinor runs, telling the others to shoot her dead. Daphne tuned out their groans, screams, and cries for help. To her it was quiet.

──★

3:15 am

It started with the chandelier downstairs. A few students woke up and noticed. Next, were the doors and windows slamming, waking the adults. By the time anyone realized where it was coming from, the floors were shaking.

Logan steps out of his room, joining the others down the hall. Similarly to the students, he had no idea what was happening. That was until he saw Jean, Scott, and Storm outside Daphne's bedroom door, talking.

"What's doin' on?" Logan asks, confused.

"Your damsel is shaking the whole mansion at three in the morning, that's what's going on," Scott informs Logan. Storm smacks Scott in the chest, shooting him a glare.

"We are pretty sure she is having a nightmare," Storm states.

"It's horrific," Jean warns him.

"I'll check on her," Logan states. "Get the kids back to bed."

Storm and Jean nod, gathering the children before Logan opens the door. The room looks normal to him, that is before he sees the woman thrashing and intertwined in her bedsheets. As Logan moves closer to the bed, he can hear her mumbling with tears streaming down her pink puffy cheeks. It was devastating to watch.

"Daphne," He says, shaking her softly. "Hey wake up, sweetheart."

Logan repeats this twice until she jumps up with her heart pounding so hard that he can hear it ringing in his ears. There's no hesitation in Logan's actions as he pulls her into his chest. Daphne's wet tears leak onto his tank top with her mumbled apologies.

"I-I'm sorry." Her voice breaks as she speaks.

"It's okay, it's okay" Logan whispers into her head of curls. "No need to apologize."

It felt like a lifetime spent in his arms, Daphne thought; a lifetime well spent. She used his heartbeat to steady her own. Logan didn't make her feel like she was overstaying her welcome in his embrace. One of his hands tangled in the hair near her neck while his other sat on her lower back, thumb swiping back and forth over a small exposed slit of skin.

When Daphne stares up at Logan with her glossy green eyes sparkling in his direction, he thinks he might've fallen under a spell. He knew he shouldn't feel this way while she was in a vulnerable state, but anyone would feel spellbound under her gaze.

She shouldn't be staring, she thinks. It's not fair to give them both false hope. She should let him go; remind him that she's a liability. Daphne wanted to use every excuse to make him stay but she knew better.

"Sorry. You shouldn't have to save me anymore," Daphne said softly, avoiding Logan's hazel eyes.

Suddenly, the hand in her hair moves north to her jaw, gently keeping her in place. Logan shakes his head, "Like I said, no need for apologies."

"Right..." She hums, pulling back and then adding, "Well, I should probably let you get back to bed-"

"I could, um.. I could stay," Logan blurted out, cutting her off. "If you would like."

"You want to stay?"

"If you don't mind. I could watch over you in case you have another nightmare."

"You don't have to..."

"I wasn't getting much sleep before anyways." He reassures; standing up, and pulling over the chair in her room. He sits on the right side of her bed while Juna curls up next to Daphne. They sit in silence for a while and Logan is almost sure she fell back asleep; until he hears a whisper.

"Do you ever get nightmares?"

"All the time."

"Me too. I try not to fall asleep."

"What are yours about?"

Daphne blinks slowly up at the ceiling before answering him, "They vary; but tonight was the return of a painful memory. The man who captured me mutilated me then took the life of the man I loved."

Logan's body stiffened as she spoke. This didn't seem too far-fetched considering what Charles had let him see before of her life. He never saw a lover though. Logan didn't doubt that she would've had many of them, it seemed odd that none of them would've tried to protect her.

"Mutilated...?" He hesitated to ask.

"They cut me open so I wouldn't be able to have children." Daphne sounded numb, he thought. "I was left bleeding out in my cage."

"Daph..."

"Some nights, I can see my life as a mother. It's so silly but I can picture myself cooking dinner while my baby sits in their high chair; both of us waiting for my husband to come home from work." She sniffles quietly; letting her hand travel down her stomach, stopping between her hips to trace the scar left behind. "It is the sweetest form of torture."

Logan stares at the floor, trying to picture her fantasy. He saw Daphne standing in the kitchen, baby bouncing on her hip while she stirred a pot on the stove. She was right; it was the sweetest form of torture.

"What was he like?" Logan asked.

"Who?"

"The man you were in love with."

Daphne smiled, picturing him so clearly. "He was great. Our situation wasn't ideal but we made it work. At first, I thought he was out to hurt me like the others but over time, he would open up to me."

Logan wanted to question their relationship but knew better than to crush her dwindling spirit. Perhaps a part of him felt a sting of jealousy at how much she gushed over a man who helped keep her locked away.

"... it was like catching lightning in a bottle." She sighed. "I would give anything to feel it again."

"You'll find it again."

Logan watched as Daphne traced the scar on her lower stomach.

"Do you ever think about it..?"

"Think about what?"

"A family."

There is a long pause. Daphne wonders if she overstep, then again they didn't know each other very well. When she went to apologize, he cut her off.

"Sometimes." Logan shrugs. "But it's not realistic."

"Oh, yeah," Daphne lets out a dry chuckle. "I almost forgot you're an old man."

A small smile forms on Logan's lips at her laugh.

"Not everyone can be young and pretty like you, dollface." Logan noticed her shift onto her elbow to look at him. Her face turned a cherry wine color in the moonlight and her eyes went dark as they found his.

"You don't mean that." She shakes her head. "It's the curse talking."

He was offended by her assumption. I mean, look at her. Daphne was more than her mutation, more than her 'curse', more than those horrible moments that she thought defined her. It was a tragedy that she didn't see that.

There was so much that he wanted to say to her; to assure her that her life was not doomed, her dreams weren't far-fetched, and that she could be happy.

That's all she wanted, right? Happiness?

Logan could do that. Restore the light that left her eyes long ago. He was convinced he could give it to her.

Too caught up in his thoughts, he almost missed her muffled, "Goodnight, Logan."

As he watched her lay back on her pillow, eyes closed, smile still on her face, Logan realized he did not give a damn if it was her attraction control anymore; he was done for.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

tags: @bethexo07 @marcybug @borapsycho @thatonegirlwiththebeanie367

@aylawylie @princessanglophile @mxtokko

if you want to be tagged for future chapters of Magnetic, reply and let me know <3

[johnwickb1tsch]

Sympathy for the Devil ~ Part 10

A Donaka Mark x housekeeper!Reader fic, based on @discoscoob 's concept & bot! Though this is where the c.ai help ended because I was breaking the bot's pea pickin' mind. 😆

Warnings: Donaka Mark is a bad man with a soft spot for you. dark romance, possessive behavior, nonconsensual voyeurism, red flag red flag girl!🔺, psychological games, power imbalance, eventual dubcon/nsfw. PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER TOO!!!

one. two. three. four. five. six. seven. eight. nine.

Ten. 十

You don’t know where you get the courage to growl at this fierce man who has you in his grasp. But goddammit if he doesn’t just laugh at you–and sling you over his shoulder, carrying you like a caveman to his lair.

You do the requisite pounding on his broad back, the kicking of the feet. You swear it only makes him enjoy it more, as he tosses you down. You brace and let out a yelp, expecting hard floor below. You’re shocked, when you sink into soft mattress instead.

Which maybe isn’t great either. 

You try to scramble away, but his big hands wrap around your ankles, pulling you back, and then he is crawling over you, settling all that solid, masculine–delicious–weight on top of you. You feel him smile against your mouth, your hands pinned above your head. “Am I going to have to restrain you, to do what I want to you?” he asks casually, kissing the sensitive skin of the bend of your neck. “Or are you going to behave?”

You freeze beneath him at hearing the word restrain. As in what? Handcuffs? Ropes? Oh no. Somehow, that would be worse than everything else that’s happened tonight, and you fight not to hyperventilate beneath him, closing your eyes and grinding your teeth, even though all you really want to do is thrash like a trapped animal. 

That’s not going to work with this man. He’s too…everything. Smart. Strong. Cruel. Connected. You’re not going to beat him with brawn and you’d be a fool to count on luck. He watches you interestedly from inches away, as all this plays through your brain. You swear, he can read it like a news ticker scrolling above your head. He knows you so well.  

You hardly recognize your voice, when you ask quietly, “Will you promise…not to hurt me?”

You close your eyes again as he strokes your hair. “No,” he answers, and a spear of fear shoots down your spine. “But I don’t want to hurt you, y/n. I want your submission.”

“I don’t…understand the difference,” you admit, the fresh welling of tears spilling from the corners of your eyes. 

“Hmm.” He wipes away the moisture on your cheeks, bringing it to his lips. “I’m not wife-beating trailer trash, y/n. You’re not going to submit to me because of my fists. That would be too easy.” 

A shaky breath escapes you, as you think about how he’s used his superior strength to bully you so far. If he’s feeling self-righteous…it’s a thin fucking line. “I’m…not?”

“No.” He kisses you, lullingly gentle, cloyingly sweet. You are on even higher alert now than when he’d grabbed you earlier. “You’re going to submit, because it’s what you’ve really wanted all along. And I’m going to show you.” 

Your eyes bug wide.

“I don’t–no! That’s not fair!”

That is when his kiss upon your shoulder turns into a sharp nip. You yelp, and he is on his elbows over you, your face bracketed in his big hands. “You have a very bad habit of trying to lie to me, little one. We’re going to have to work on that.”

“I just…I don’t understand!”

“What is there to understand?” His thumbs stroke your temples, gentle once more. This man gives you whiplash.

“Why…” You try to look away, but he won’t let you.

“If you can’t look into my eyes and say it, then I’ll think you’re lying,” he scolds you. “It’s basic human behavior 101.”

With a growl you glare up at him. For some reason he finds this delightful, flashing teeth. You’re sure he knows, with a gimlet stare like his, how hard it is for mere mortals to meet head on. His standards are unfair. It’s like making a deal with a demigod–or a demon–who already knows he holds all the cards.

“Why me?” you manage to grind out. “You could have anyone.”

“I could buy anyone,” he agrees. He softens slightly, looking down at you. “But you don’t care about my money, do you? You want something else from me.” He smirks, and you are mortified all over again, a flush of heat blooming up your neck. “I read all about it.”

“Ugh.”

He chuckles, enjoying himself far too much at your expense.

When he lowers to kiss you, you consider biting him for about 2.3 seconds.

“Do it,” he dares you, his words a dagger clothed in velvet. “See what happens.” He says it almost eagerly, as though he’d welcome the leave to be terrible again. You have to remember that about him. He dangles tenderness before you like bait, not genuine sentiment. You’re playing a game, and the rules can change on this man’s whim.

He says he doesn’t want to hurt you–you’re not sure that’s true, and it certainly doesn’t mean he won’t. You can trust him as far as you can throw him, and judging by his delectable dead weight on top of you…that’s not far.

You close your eyes, feeling helpless again. And stupid. And…still turned on, if you’re being completely honest with yourself. You don’t know how you’re aroused when you should be disgusted, screaming, crying, fighting–it would win you nothing. He’s going to have his way, so you can fight it…or you can enjoy it for now, and bide your time, because he has to slip up at some point, right?

Right?

He feels the change in you, when you start softening to the onslaught of his lips, his hands on your body tracing every dip and curve. “That’s my good girl,” he murmurs, and you swear his praise lights up something in your brain like a red hot wire.

This isn’t it, you promise yourself. You are in a war with this man. And maybe you lost the first battle, and swiftly the second too, but not the whole war. You are not conquered yet. You are not conquered yet. 

With this new resolve you reach for the buttons of his shirt. They are small, and stubborn, and you let out a frustrated growl that makes Donaka smirk down at you. “Don’t rip it. This shirt cost more than a month's salary for you.”

“Well, you’re always bragging about how much money you have,” you fire back, jerking the two halves. You’re proud of yourself when there’s a tearing sound and the button goes flying. Fair’s fair. Donaka grins like a wolf, then suddenly you are flipped on your belly, your ass in the air and your panties wrenched down your thighs. 

Smack.

You scream, his big hand on your backside stinging like a swarm of angry bees, and instinctively you squirm to get away from him. But he holds you down with an unforgiving grip in your hair, pushing your face down into the mattress.

Then you hear the jangle of his belt buckle again, and the warning hiss of leather sliding free of loops. “No, no,” you beg, struggling, to zero avail. His grip is unbreakable, like this man is made of iron.

“That depends on you. Are you going to damage my property again?”

“No,” you whimper into the bedclothes, hating how small you sound. 

“That’s what I thought.”

He drops the belt beside you on the bed like a reminder, before caressing your tender bottom ever so lightly, soothing the sting. How…does that actually feel good?

He makes a sound of appreciation, pulling you against the hard bulge in his crotch with hands on your hips. He spreads your thighs wider, leaving you utterly open and vulnerable to him. You hate to say it, but you are too unnerved to fight him, so conscious of that leather strap sitting beside you like an open threat.

“Stay there,” he directs, and you do as you’re told, listening to the whisper of fabric behind you as you presume he’s undressing. 

It’s a very awkward position, and your thighs begin to tremble. You are utterly exposed like this, splayed wide open. Yet you do not dare complain, suspecting you have used up your free passes with this man for the evening. He is just waiting for an excuse.

“You are exquisite,” he sighs from behind you. “I could stare at this view all night.”

An equal mixture of uneasy warmth and mortification fills you, displayed like this for him, so utterly open with nowhere to hide. Then you wonder if he’s threatening to keep you like this for hours more as a punishment. Yet before you can even begin to think of what to say to him, he has crouched beside the bed, and his mouth is on you. 

“Oh,” is the only intelligible word that leaves your lips. Everything that comes after is mere guttural nonsense, as his tongue teases your clit, sliding against your nether lips, and you see stars. All else forgotten, you become a slave to pursuing this pleasure, your fingers like claws in the sheets, canting your hips to give him better access to anything he wants. He moans against you, a deep sound that reverberates into your womb.

You whine like the needy little thing you have become when he withdraws, wiping his mouth on the butt cheek he struck not minutes before, kissing you with a tenderness that is nearly as beguiling as his tongue in your slit.

“Shhhh, sweet girl. I’ve got what you need, if you promise to be good for me.” You feel him kneel behind you, the warmth of his hand on your spine, the intoxicating kiss of his tip to your entrance. You’re not proud–but you want it. God, in that moment you want him more than air to breathe. You betray yourself, with the tilt of your hips, with the keening that escapes from your traitor of a throat.

“Mmm,” he practically purrs from behind you. “Do you promise, y/n?” He uses his tip to tease your slick folds, but it’s not enough. Not nearly enough. 

This is just a battle.

You make a sound of affirmative, a kittenish mewl because real language escapes you. 

“Use your words, bunny.”

Not the war.

“Yes.” It's all you can manage, and he takes mercy on you, betraying his eagerness too. Slowly he fills you, stretching your flesh inch by blessed inch until you can take no more. He could give you more. He could hurt you, badly, like this. Yet he’s so careful with you that you could weep, the slow glide of his body inside yours the stuff heaven is made of. 

It's funny. Despite the terrible things he did to you earlier, if you squint, it almost feels like he cares about you. The logical part of you knows it’s all a mind fuck. It has to be. But that part of you…is drowning in an inky sea of your other desires. Things you’re usually good at denying, because they’ve never caused you anything but trouble… Maybe that was a mistake on your part, because now you’re here with this dangerous man, and you’re so pent up that you can’t say no. 

That feeling of bliss intensifies when he reaches between your legs, slowly circling your clit as he pumps inside you. You involuntarily clench upon him, winning a low groan.  He drapes his long body over yours, kissing your spine, his hand encircling the front of your throat. 

“Tell me this isn’t better than just writing about it,” he demands, his low words against your ear sending a shiver through you. 

The simple answer, of course, is yes. The rest, however, is far too complex.

You make a sound that’s neither yes or no, and his grip on you tightens. Still not enough to hurt you…but he could, and you feel that so very acutely in that moment. The fact of the matter is you didn’t consent to any of this, even if you are enjoying it. He wants your complacency, and you wonder if it has to do with conscience, or claiming his victory. 

The latter, you tell yourself. The minute you start to believe he has a heart will be the end of you. You have to keep reminding yourself of that. He does not love you, you stupid girl. He never has, and never will. 

“Well? Tell the truth.” 

“It’s better,” you answer simply, because you don’t have the capacity to tell him the rest out loud right now, and making him happy is the only way you will ever get a chance to escape him. You are going to have to be calculating, and ruthless, and neither of those things come easily to you. 

“That’s my good girl.”

It shouldn’t feel so good, to hear him say that, while he’s balls deep inside you. It shouldn’t make your treacherous cunt flutter upon his relentless cock like you mean to swallow him up, a velvety red orgasm building between your legs again. 

It’s not surrender, you tell yourself as the warm rush fills you, makes you feel like your bones are filled with glittering gold, your spine bowing so hard you fear it might crack. It’s just…a tactical play. You’ve been haunted by curiosity about this man since the moment you laid eyes on him. In the morning, you’ll make your next move. For now…you might as well enjoy it as best you can. 

The games have only just begun.   

[inbabylontheywept]

So: You have depression.

I'm 27 now. The last time I had a major depressive episode was when I was 16. I still have depressive episodes every now and then, but the worst tend to be a month, and most I can generally get through them in about a week. It took me a while to kind of figure out how to handle depression as a recurring thing, and so I thought I'd make a little welp-I-got-diagnosed-now-what guide.

So, first part of the guide: When I first got depressed, I thought that depression was the terrible, sad hopeless feeling that I had. It isn't. That terrible sad hopeless feeling is a symptom of prolonged depression. By the time I get to that point, I'm pretty well cooked and it takes a lot longer to bounce back. Avoiding getting to that point is a vital part of living with depression.

So what does depression feel like?

I am going to hammer this point home a lot of times while writing this: Depression is an anesthetic. It is not felt as a presence, but as an absence. The first absence, for me at least, is when life stops being fun. Every movie feels boring, I can't get more than a few pages into any book, and everything just seems... bland.

This is the best point to catch it at. I have found that consumptive patterns of entertainment do not do anything to help depression. Some people have told me that producing art at this time really helps them, but personally, I can't imagine trying. Instead, I just do tasks that I know inspire physical satisfaction. Which sounds like jerking off (I don't actually reccomend that route) but really means things like: Going for a walk in the sunshine. Working out. Cleaning the house in a fairly exhaustive way. Scrub the baseboards, wash the sink, clear the fridge, etc.

I recognize that doing those is really, really hard while depressed because depression causes physical weakness and exhaustion. The best I can do is, unfortunately, encourage vigillance. If you suspect you're getting into a funk, start on this before you get really deep into the mire. People that get into the mire can get out, but it's not self-help read-a-book type shit, it takes therapy and medication and patience and it is so much easier and cheaper and faster to just avoid letting it get that bad then crawling out once it's sunk its teeth into you.

I have found that for things that work almost by exposure alone, spending time in the sun and talking to people are borderline magical, with the caveat that talking to people about being depressed tends to make things worse instead of better. Talking about anything that cuts through the anesthetic of depression is ideal, or if it's sunk in deep enough that you're having trouble finding anything, talking to someone else about what they're passionate about. Ideally, you'd find someone passionate about a thing you know you're passionate about but are struggling to enjoy right then, and then you'd just let your mirror neurons run amok. Bonus Points

So, you're already depressed. Like, pretty fucking depressed, and you fucked up, and you let it slide. What then?

This is my I-Fucked-Up-And-Got-Big-Sad, Salvage-My-Weekend, depression routine. You'll need to make one for yourself at some point, and yours will work better for you, but this is mine and I think it'll work okay-ish for you. Until you get your own, at least.

I have to get up before 10 am. Staying in bed later than that gives the depression such a huge head start on my day that I just basically can't catch up. If I can't just brute force get myself out of bed, I will throw my blankets and sit cold on my sheets until that gives me the motivation I need. If I cannot work up the guts to throw my blankets, I will actually roll off the bed, flop gracelessly onto the floor, and then stare wistfully up until I can will myself to stand. It helps that every bedroom I've had either had freezing cold tile, or itchy coarse carpet. If you have a comfy floor, maybe buy a very scratchy rug? I cannot emphasize how important this step is. It's like, half of the whole thing.

After getting up, immediately go outside and sit in the sunshine. This provides free executive function, and getting it ASAP will make everything go much smoother.

Talk to someone while outside. If you have a roommate, they work great. Face to face conversations tend to be the best, but phone calls with loved ones are like at least 80% as effective. Calls to family members tend to be better than in face conversations with acquaintances or people you're mostly ambivalent about. Don't do chat messages. Worse than nothing.

This should have scrounged up enough free energy that you can clean something. I always start by trying to clear a part of my counter off. If that's all I got, that's all I got, and I still feel good about it. If that inspires me to do more, I'll run with it until a whole room is up to snuff. I don't do more than one room while I'm this crispy: The goal is not really to clean the house, but to work through a series of tasks that require some initial level of executive function but provide a larger amount back once completed. Life has a lot of these deals that are like, give me $10 and I'll give you $12, give me $12 and I'll give you $20, on and on, and the hard part is really just getting the $10. Some people wake up with $10. Most days, you will wake up with $10. But not when you're like this. You're gonna have to earn it. I'm sorry.

I am going to reiterate: This is what I do when I feel a funk coming on. My life and my schedule are not always this regimented. Living with depression doesn't mean never sleeping until 10, or having a weekend where you don't talk to someone, or take a break from cleaning. Living with depression just means never, ever, leaning into the depression when you feel it coming on. Even when it starts out feeling cozy. Even when you want to just snuggle into it and sleep and sleep and sleep. The first day or two will feel luxurious, and the next week will feel terrible, and the longer you wait the harder it will be to get out. You are always going to have to worry about that. Again, I'm really, truly sorry.

Bonus Bonus Points

I am not a psychologist, but I do have a theory about why depression exists. Remember how I said it's anesthetizing? I think that's what it's there for - getting rid of emotional pain when it isn't being helpful. People often get depressed after a major injury. Boredom is normally nature's way of punishing you for just curling up and doing nothing, but depression can be the emergency override on boredom. It makes sense for you to sit still and do nothing while your body is healing, so maybe nature temporarily removes all your motivation with depression and then just lets you be a limp noodle until you're healthy again. Maybe?

Back to the emotional level, though, depression might also be a way to muffle pains that would otherwise be so intense that people might not remain in control of the faculties. The pain of losing a parent is notorious for driving people so mad with pain that they ruin their lives, but depression is there to at least try and keep us sedated until the nadir has passed.

It is helpful to know what the purpose of depression is, because you will eventually get it from an "intended" cause, and reflexively fighting it then probably isn't good for you. And at the very least, knowing why this stupid thing exists makes the world feel like less of a cruel place.

There are a lot of interesting studies on the physical effects of depression - things like muscle weakness, increased pain tolerance, muscle relaxation, etc. that I won't go into, but it does so many things at once that it almost doesn't feel like a fuck up, but a feature that we just kind of lost the plot on. Not gonna deep dive on it, but it is something that probably shouldn't be confined to just a mental disorder.

[wandamaximoffsbadgirl]

Little Girl Gone

You Haven't Changed a Bit (2)

Mob Boss!Natasha x Mob Boss!Fem!Reader, Mommy!Wanda Maximoff x Mob Boss!Fem!Reader

Warnings: Nothing really this is a rather fluff chapter, Natasha is a condescending bitch towards the end

A/N: I love the dynamics that are being built between R and W and her boys in this chapter

The sunlight filtering through the windows is what stirred you awake, but it was the weight on top of you that truly woke you. Eyes shooting open to find Wanda’s body partially on top of your own. Her leg and arm draped over you and you realized you had some how had made it closer to the middle instead of the edge you had forced yourself to when you fell asleep.

Carefully you untangled yourself hoping not to wake Wanda, but as you shifted your weight she stirred. “Mmmm....Y/N?” She called out as you sat up, legs already over the edge. 

“Yes?” You call back over your shoulder, grabbing your pants and pulling them on.

“What happened last night? I thought you were staying up all night?” She asked, concern running through her.

“Natasha came by. I gave her half the money. Told her I’d meet her at noon with the rest.” Grabbing your button up and throwing it on and moving over to grab your gun from under the pillow to put it back in it’s place.

“Is she going to leave us alone?” Wanda crawls across the bed so she’s in front of you, staring up at you. She was in a cute pink slip, one of the thin straps falling down and giving you a lovely view of her chest. 

“I told her too, but she never actually agreed to it so if it’s okay with you I’d like you to come back with me, of course the boys will come too.” 

“To the place I was taken yesterday?” She asks, tilting her head. 

“Yes sweetie that’s my home.” Her eyes widen. 

“That place was huge. That’s your house?” She sounded bewildered. 

“Well when you’re head of the local mafia around here you kind of have the perks of a big house.” Sure your group was nothing big compared to Natasha’s or even T’Challa’s groups, but yours was family. 

You pick up your phone, calling on your friend and driver, Happy. “I’ve called for my driver and I would appreciate the three of you staying with me until I have things settled. I promise there will be no safer place for your boys.” You put your hands on her shoulders giving a reassuring squeeze and a soft smile. 

You couldn’t lie to yourself, Wanda was a beautiful woman who you’d love to have, but you also truly just don’t want to see her end up like you because of Natasha especially since she has kids. She has to be around for them. She gives a nod and a soft smile back. You don’t miss her biting on her bottom lip as she slips off the bed. 

“I need to get dressed and get the boys ready.” She tells you softly. While Wanda gets everything together you get ahold of Carol to let her know what’s going on. 

“Make sure nothing bad is going on by the time we get there. Am I understood?” I ask through the phone and she knows what I mean. 

“Yes Ma’am. Everything will be perfect when you get here with them. You have my word.” You hang up the call as you wait in the kitchen for the three of them and of course the boys are nothing but questions. 

You can tell Wanda is getting overwhelmed by all the questions the boys are throwing her way over all the sudden changes especially from Billy who you’ve quickly learned is the more sensitive of the two boys. You take a deep breath and kneel down, getting the boys attention. 

“Listen boys I know you have a lot of questions for your mom, but I want you guys to look at this like a vacation! My house that we’re going to stay at for a bit has a pool with all the toys you can think of! It has a slide and a waterfall! I have a room that is filled with every video game system and just about all their games. I have a room that has a pool table and a foosball table and air hockey!” You tell them, slowly seeing their faces light up. “I have a room that’s like a movie theater with popcorn and candy and soda. I have just about everything your little hearts could want or need and if I don’t have it, guess what?” 

“What?” Billy asks making me smile. 

“I will make sure we get it, okay? Does that sound fair enough?” The two boys nod in agreement. “So you’re going to stop asking your mom so many questions and instead help her pack, right?” Another nod in agreement to your words as they turn towards their draws, grabbing things they want and need while Wanda gives you a smile and you smile back. 

You stand up motioning for Wanda to follow while the boys pack up. You two head towards the kitchen. You lean against the counter, crossing your arms, Wanda standing opposite of you. 

“I hope I didn’t overstep by saying I’d get them things if we didn’t have it. I obviously don’t have kids and I honestly just wanted them to stop asking you questions because I could see it was overwhelming you since you weren’t sure how to answer.” Wanda reached her hand out to you, her hand gripping onto your arm. She rubbed it softly as you looked at her and you could tell she had done it as a friendly gesture to reassure you it was okay, but when you felt her hand tighten on your bicep you can tell she gets distracted for a moment. 

“We’ll cross the bridge when we come to it, okay? If it’s something I find unreasonable for them to be asking it will be a no. Make sure they always ask me and you get confirmation from me.” 

“That sounds like a deal to me. Always ask Mom.” You smirk at her as she pulls back her hand.

“I-I’m going to go grab my bags and check on the boys.” She stammers as she heads back upstairs, leaving you there chuckling to yourself.

======================================================

“Wow!” The boys said in unison as they came through the front door. “Are you made of money Ms. Y/N?” Tommy asks.

“I work very hard for my money Tommy. This is what hard work can get you boys.” You tell them with a smile as they poke their heads around Carol comes over with a smile along with Kamala. Carol leans over whispering in your ear,

“Ma’am I tried to tell her it wasn’t a good time, but Maya is waiting in your office.” If the boys weren’t here you’d probably smack Carol so hard. Instead you plaster a smile on your face.

“Well boys, Wanda. I have to attend to some work issues, but Carol and Kamala here will show you around, okay?” The boys nod excitedly and Wanda takes the few steps over to you, a worried look in her eyes as she grips your arm. You give her a reassuring smile, leaning in to whisper,

“It’s nothing to do with Natasha. It’s a friend who doesn’t know what no means. I’ll be back shortly. I promise you’re safe with them.” She looks into your eyes confirming the truth in your words then nods, letting you go off to deal with the problem at hand as you head up to your office. 

You open and close the sliding oak doors of your office stomping on the floor to get Maya’s attention as soon as she’s looking at you you sign,

“It really isn’t a good time Maya.” She rolls her eyes and signs back,

“I understand you met back up with Natasha.” You groan,

“Unfortunately.” Maya and you had met after being in similar situations of a mob boss taking advantage of you. Both of you wanted to be in charge so Maya tends to work in the shadows and also with the Tracksuits, she keeps them in line as much as anyone could. Mainly they’re muscle that the two of you use because they have maybe one braincell between all of them.

“So what are we doing about her?” She signs and you sit on your desk in front of her. 

“Meeting up with her in a few hours and paying off a debt for this woman.” You bring up the security camera’s around the house showing Maya Wanda and her boys. “Natasha gave her a loan and then when she couldn’t pay it back right away she took Wanda and tried to do what she did to me. She’s under our protection now.” Maya nods, 

“Are you keeping her here?” She signs.

“For the time being. I don’t trust Natasha.” You sigh. “Come with me to this meeting? I just need you as back up in the shadows incase things go sideways.” Maya signs for yes with a smile. 

Carol was your right hand for most things, but Maya was your most trusted person. No one could replace her between her skills and companionship the two of you had formed over the past five years.

“Thank you.” You sign and she just lightly punches your arm before slipping out. Though she wouldn’t be there when you exited you knew she wouldn’t be far. Just in the shadows.

You watched the security monitors for a few minutes watching the boys enjoy the much bigger room they’d get to share. Kamala showing them their room along with all the fun rooms scattered about the house. 

Your eyes flickered around until you spot Wanda and Carol in your room. It’s not where you had told Carol to take Wanda, but you’d let it slide for now. Your California King bed rather empty with just yourself. If Wanda wanted to stay there it would be fine by you.

======================================================

You sat in the café legs crossed and sipping on your usual order while looking at your phone while waiting for Natasha to show her face. You were always a person that goes by the rule, ‘if you’re on time you’re late.’ while Natasha always showed up five minutes or later to any meeting saying, ‘you hold the power that way.’ It always made you roll your eyes because you hated being late anywhere. 

When she showed up at 12:15 you rolled your eyes at the tardiness. She grabbed her coffee before joining you.

“Well isn’t this fun. You playing the boss roll. All grown up now aren’t you?” She teases and another roll of your eyes.

“I’m not playing Natasha. I worked hard to get here.” 

“No thanks to me.” 

“Yeah. No thanks to you. I didn’t want this Natasha. You forced me into this life acting like you just wanted me to be able to protect myself.” You accused as you grabbed out the manila folder. “It’s all in there Tasha. So I need your word that you’ll be leaving Wanda Maximoff and her boys alone now that the loan plus interest is paid.” Natasha looked it through just as she had last night. 

“One more thing and I’ll leave your new little toy alone.” You want to jump across the table and punch her in the face for her little comment, but you’re in a very public place for a reason and you won’t ever be the one to hit first.

“What is it Natasha? What could you possibly want?” You ask exasperated.

“You of course. One last time. You know since you walked out on me.” You feel your face pale; your whole body going hot and ears ring until you can’t hear anymore.

Did she really just ask you that? To sleep with her again? You could feel the familiar feel of bile in the back of your throat, the sound of a gunshot, the metal and sulfur in your nose like you were reliving that night all over again. 

“You’ll leave them alone?” She nods. “Promise me.” 

“I promise.”

“On Yelena’s life.” 

“On Yelena’s life.” She repeats, and so you have no choice but to agree.

[yesimwriting]

When best friend Felix and reader kiss (not a kiss on the cheek or forehead) does reader ever initiate it? I kind of notices it usually Felix who does.

yes!! i just see felix as so touchy he'd kiss reader more out of instinct, but reader for sure kisses felix

----

The washcloth is pressed against you temple. The fabric is dragged downwards, creating a damp trail from the spot above your left eyebrow to your chin.

Felix's expression pinches in concentration. He pulls the washcloth away from your face to examine the other side. His frown tells you all you need to know. "It's not coming off, is it?"

His lips part, and you mentally prepare yourself for the instinctual, teasing protests you're used to. "...Kind of," he admits slowly, his other hand moving to hold your chin. Felix is careful as he angles your head so that it's easier to examine his handiwork. "It's smudged."

He refocuses, the unmarked part of the towel finding a place near your jaw. You have to give him credit for even thinking of the makeup there. "Told you, it's not as quick and easy as it looks."

"And I told you," Felix counters, towel dipping beneath your chin, "I've got this."

There's such a heavy sense of determination in his voice, it's hard to not give into the fit of giggles attempting to crawl its way up your throat. This started as a joke, Felix insisting you could sit with him for five more minutes and you arguing that you needed to wash product off your face before the post-party sleepiness could kick in.

You grin, a small laugh slipping past your lips. Felix pauses, the cloth temporarily leaving your skin. "Lovie."

Another laugh. "What?"

"Hold still."

You can't remember a time in which washing your face relied so extensively on total stillness. Instead of pointing this out, you smile. "I am."

Felix frowns, fixing you with a look of such reprimanding disbelief you have to bite your tongue to keep from laughing again. You extend your arms, hands settling against his arms. "See?" Things feel a little less funny as his eyes meet yours. You swallow, chin raising a fraction of an inch. "Perfectly still."

He presses his lips lips together. There's something about his expression that you're not fully grasping. The awareness that you're missing something doesn't feel right. You focus on the set of his brow, on the look behind his eyes, on the way that his head angles itself forward so that he somehow feels even closer.

He moves slowly, lifting the rag to dab at the space beneath your eye. The unflinching care in his touch makes everything feel a little hazy. "Look up." It's instinct to listen. Felix drags the washcloth near your waterline. He's careful, taking his time in removing any remaining makeup. "Okay, y'can look down again."

Your eyes begin to flit downwards, but before they can land on something neutral, your eyes lock on Felix again. His eyebrows are still drawn together, his lips are now set in what almost feels like a pout. "Lex?"

The washcloth is dabbed against your forehead. "Hm?"

You're not sure where the overwhelming urge to be closer to him is coming from, you just know you're in no place to fight against it. "I'm going to move."

Instead of asking for a clarification or jokingly complaining about your warning, he moves the washcloth away from your skin. Felix rests his forearm against your shoulder, patiently waiting for you to follow through.

Before you can overthink, you shift onto your toes, leaning upwards until your lips are against his. Felix reciprocates immediately, his arm moving to press against your back. His free hand finds a place against the back of your head. You link your fingers behind his neck.

You drag your tongue against his bottom lip, savoring the faint taste of alcohol blending with something familiar and sweet. The result of the way drinking amplifies his hard candy addiction.

Felix leans closer, his weight pressing against you. It's instinct to take a partial step back to accommodate him. Your side hits something firm. The bathroom counter. His hands find your side, helping you lift yourself onto the counter. He takes a step forward, slotting himself between your legs.

When the need for air becomes dizzying, you pull back. Felix doesn't let you get far, turning his head to brush his lips against the corner of your mouth and then your cheek. Again and again until he eventually pulls away enough to rest his forehead against yours.

For a moment, there's only the sound of uneven breathing, and then Felix straightens enough to look at you. "What was--what was that for?"

You don't have an answer. At the very least, you don't have a coherent one. He was there and making you happy in that unjustifiably giddy way he does and somehow still so pretty beneath the harsh fluorescents of a dorm room bathroom. You wanted to, and knowing that Felix would reciprocate turned the offhanded desire into a need.

You shrug, ignoring the heat making its way up your neck. "You're very good at makeup removal."

Felix's hand finds your knee, thumb gently brushing against your skin. "Really? I've never done this before." His hand shifts upwards slightly, fingers squeezing the start of your thigh. "Must be a natural talent."

It'd be easy to point out the fact that he managed to lose the washcloth and that you're sure you look more like a raccoon than someone without makeup, but you're too content to bring those things up. You smile, settling on an only somewhat sarcastic, "Clearly."

His eyes narrow, a grin desperately trying to be anything else tugging at his lips. "No need for that tone."

"What?" Your voice comes out at a suspicious pitch. "You're doing a good job..." You trail off beneath Felix's steady stare. "...And I have to wash my face after anyway, so as long you're having fun."

Felix halfheartedly glares. "I'm doing all of it."

His resolve makes you laugh. Maybe he's tipsier than you thought. "You're going to wash my face?"

"Don't laugh." The sentence is followed by a huff of air that comes dangerously close to violating his own instructions.

You press your lips together in an attempt to seem serious, even here's a good chance Felix can see right through that. "Sorry." You decide, then, that you don't mind the thought of Felix attempting to complete your skin care routine for you. It's worth it. "You can wash my face."

Felix watches you skeptically, unaccustomed to your lack of arguing. "Okay," he says, straightening slightly, "Good."

----

taglist; @vader-is-hot @spiritofbuddha @getosangie @freyafriggafrey @ilovehyperfixating @aryiannarae @willowpains @ker0senebunny @lilyrachelcassidy @khxna @imbabycowboy

[doc-pickles]

waking up in vegas | matthew tkachuk x hughes!sister (p. 1)

series masterlist

summary: nothing can go wrong when you take a sibling trip to vegas with the tkachuks… right?

warnings: mentions of alcohol consumption, allusions to sex but no smut

a/n: this is a self indulgent fic that I might write a part two for 👀 enjoy!

xoxo

nina

The light shining through the windows is too bright, the hum of the AC is too loud. The blankets are too heavy, even the skin of your arms and legs feels too hot.

Yup. You’re hungover.

With a groan you push your face back into your pillow, trying to regulate your breathing as you fight back the urge to vomit. You don’t remember much from last night besides your brothers feeding you shots and dancing with Taryn. At some point, you’d lost Brady and Jack was heckling Luke for something you can’t recall. Quinn had been complaining about the music being too loud and Matthew… Well, you can’t quite place him in your memories of last night.

Your family had been close with the Tkachuks since you could remember. You’d spent summers, holidays, and everything in between with them. Quinn and Jack had always been attached at the hip with Brady and Matthew while you and your twin brother Luke had gravitated toward Taryn.

When your and Luke’s 21st birthday came around Matthew and Jack jumped at the opportunity to plan a trip to Vegas to celebrate the occasion, excited for the seven of you to run the town together.

Except now you feel like you’re dying. You roll over in bed, expecting to find Luke who you usually crawl into bed with when drunk. But the body next to yours is more muscular than Luke’s and the arm wrapped around you holds you tighter than your twin ever had.

“Moving too much,” the sleep heavy voice next to you sounds. “Come cuddle, you’re warm.”

You stomach drops as you realize you know exactly who’s in bed next to you.

“Oh fuck!”

Sitting up in a haze, you look down at none other than Matthew Tkachuk who’s curled tightly around your body.

Your naked body.

“Oh my god,” you shriek, which instantly wakes Matthew up as you begin to fully freak out. “Holy fucking shit!”

Matthew cracks his eyes open, looking over the situation before pressing his hands into his face, “I am so fucking dead.”

“You? What about me?!” you throw your hands out in exasperation and spy something glittering on your left hand. “Oh my god…”

You turn your hand over to reveal a large diamond ring shining in the morning sun. Without thinking you grab Matthew’s arm, a matching silver band adorning his left hand.

“Did we get married?!”

At your words Matthew sits up, eyes surveying the hotel room. Your own follow his path, taking in the white dress and suit on the floor along with a bouquet of flowers, pizza boxes, and empty champagne bottles.

“Oh my god! Matty what the fuck!”

There’s suddenly a pounding on your hotel door and you can hear voices on the other side.

“I swear I’ll break this door down,” Quinn threatens as he calls your name. “Open up or I’m calling mom!”

Matthews face pales and you quickly scramble to grab a hotel robe before sticking your head into the hallway.

“Hey Quinny,” you grin, ignoring the furious look on your oldest brother's face and trying to tamp down your own nerves. “What’s up?”

“Oh nothing, just a beautiful day where my sister decided to get married instead of doing something responsible like going to bed last night,” Quinn deadpans as he glares at you from the doorway, Jack at his side wearing a smirk. “I just came down here to warn you that Luke is probably going to murder whoever’s in your bed right now.”

“About that…” you groan as you press your forehead to the cold wood of the door. “Hubby, are you decent enough for me to let my brothers in?”

Instead of a response a pillow hits your back and you take that as a sign from Matthew to open the door. When your brothers walk in Quinn groans and Jack begins to laugh hysterically until you glare at him and he shuts up.

“I can’t believe you eloped with Matty,” Quinn runs his hand over his face and heaves a sigh. “Jack, I told you this trip was a bad idea.”

“And where were you when the eloping was happening,” you ask as you sit on the edge of the bed. Matthew’s hand rests gently on your back and for some reason the motion is comforting. “I distinctly remember Jack and Taryn encouraging us to go to the chapel.”

“And you listened?!” Quinn screeches.

“And Luke was making out with the cocktail waitress,” Matthew supplies. As soon as he says it you have a vivid image in your head of Luke and a bottle blonde waitress sucking each others faces off. “Brady went back early to call Emma. So that leaves you Quinn.”

Quinn rolls his eyes, “Oh my god. You’re not pinning this on me. It is not my fault you two decided to get hitched because you’d had five too many margaritas and decided to listen to Taryn and Jack for advice.”

You open your mouth to respond but the door bursts open and Luke is now standing in the middle of the room with an angry expression as he takes in the sight of you and Matthew sitting together on the hotel bed.

“Luke-“

“I leave you unattended for half an hour last night and you wake up married?!”

“I wasn’t the one making out with the cocktail waitress all night,” you retort and Luke crosses his arms.

“You cannot seriously be comparing the two instances,” Luke huffs as he steps forward. “Move so I can punch Matthew.”

At your brothers words Matthew grips your shoulders and attempts to use you as a human shield. “You’ll have to get through my wife first.”

Luke, Jack, and Quinn all started yelling at that point, Matthew ducking behind you as they continued to argue.

“Enough!,” you shouted over your brothers. “This is a non issue, I’ll just get the marriage annulled and we can all pretend like it never happened.”

Jack scoffs, “Yeah tell that to Taryn’s camera roll. Pretty sure she’s planning on making you a wedding album for Christmas.”

Luke begins to protest again but you cut him off, “Non issue! Now get out so I can shower and contemplate my life choices in peace.”

Quinn and Jack make a show of grumbling and complaining on their way out the door while Luke stares you and Matthew down, “I swear to god Tkachuk if you find a way to fuck this up even more, so help me.”

“Goodbye Luke,” you wave at him and finally the room is clear. You heave a breath and turn to Matthew who’s grinning. “What?”

“If we’re still technically married does that mean we can have guilt free sex,” Matthew asks with a smirk, his fingers pushing down the top of your robe to show off the purple hickeys on your neck. “Because it looks like we already consummated the marriage.”

You groan, pushing off Matthew as you head to the bathroom, “In your dreams Tkachuk.”

“Trust me Mrs. Tkachuk I’m gonna have the sweetest dreams about you.”

[vaguesxrrow]

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE EDWIN X RECENTLY DEAD MALE READER!!!! I NEED MORE MLM READER STUFF AND ALSO I'M A SUCKER FOR THE LONG DEAD AND USED TO IT/THE RECENTLY DEAD CONFUSED AND SCARED THING!!!!

hii yes ofc ! lovedd writing this so i hope u enjoy reading :>>

edwin payne / recently dead!reader

a/n: reader's cause of death is unspecified aside from he died on the street, and also he has an apartment.

anddd uh i forgot that death usually comes for newly dead people... so excuse that inaccuracy please or explain it away with how reader ran away from his body

wc: 1886

tags: male reader, ghost reader

cw's: mention of death, panic attacks (all not detailed)

you ran, leaving your body behind you where it lay on the sidewalk, limp and as still as rigor mortis (you never thought that saying could be applied literally, but now it was, and wasn't that crazy?).

you were panicking, you vaguely registered, as the passerby's and the cars seemed to blur in your vision. people kept passing right through you, and you hunched in on yourself. even if you couldn't feel them (which was also a new, unwelcome epiphany), it still made your skin crawl.

until - a firm hand rested on your shoulder. your breath hitched, like you couldn't quite figure out if the touch was welcome or not.

"are you quite alright?" the hand's voice asked. you looked up, half expecting to see a horror movie-style ghost. instead, however, you were met with angled features that were sharp, yet softened by visible concern at the same time. the boy's brown eyes were narrowed, and his hair looked a little wind swept.

okay. definitely a welcome touch.

"can you hear me? are you alright?" he repeated.

you snapped out of your stupor. "oh," you said dumbly. "i- i don't... know."

he cocked his head to the side, sympathy in the way he pursed his lips and his gaze became gentler. "what do you last remember?"

"...i was walking. and then... i wasn't? it's kind of black after that. i was laying down when i came to..." your eyes widened. you meant to ask, 'am i dead?', but instead what came out was a strangled, "oh my god."

"it is important to remain calm," edwin advised. "i can help you."

you nodded vigorously. "okay, yeah, i could use your help." especially because your voice was getting an octave higher with every word you spoke. so much for remaining calm.

before you knew it, the boy had guided you to a bench and sat you on it, plopping down right next to you as he waited for you to regain your composure. his arm was around yours, securing you snugly to his side - it was comforting.

"i'm dead, aren't i?" you intoned numbly.

he sighed. "yes. but that does not mean everything is over."

"earlier... everyone just passed through me. like i wasn't there at all."

"it is lonely, at first. but then it is not," he said. "take my case for example - my best mate is charles - he's dead as well - and we have two alive friends named crystal and niko, who are part of the small proportion of people who can see us. when you find the right people, it becomes very difficult to feel lonely."

"charles, crystal, and niko..." you repeated. "and what's your name?"

"edwin payne."

"nice to meet you, edwin. and thanks for helping. i'm [name]."

"not a problem," edwin said. "my friends and i are often in the habit of assisting ghosts, although you are the first recently dead i have personally come across in a very long time."

"how long?" you inquired. "i mean, when did you... kick the bucket?"

"1916," he told you gently.

your eyes widened. "riiight."

you fell silent again. as you were contemplating your current circumstances, several voices yelled edwin's name.

approaching you were three people. two girls - one with white hair, the other with curly brown - and a boy with near-black ringlets.

"edwin, mate, we couldn't find you anywhere!" the boy exclaimed.

"yes, well-" edwin began.

"who's this?" the white haired girl cut in, looking at you curiously.

edwin rolled his eyes fondly. "this is [name]. he recently... became a ghost."

"does he know any cool ghost tricks yet?" she asked.

you thought you felt a headache coming on.

"[name], these are my friends. niko, crystal, and charles." he gestured to them in order of mention. they all waved at you, even if the last two looked a bit wary.

"hi," you said meekly.

"we were just discussing the events of [name]'s death."

charles coughed pointedly. "maybe give the guy time to process he even is dead?"

"oh! my apologies, [name]. are you still feeling unwell?"

your eyes darted between crystal and niko as they exchanged glances at edwin's apology, like they were surprised. it confused you as to why - he seemed perfectly nice so far... and very charming.

"i'm good," you told edwin, flashing a smile. "i just... don't know where to go. i can't go back to my apartment, can i? i'm dead. it's not like i could continue living there."

"i read somewhere that it's good to revisit places from the past," niko informed you earnestly. "it can be very healing."

"hey, edwin, you should walk him back to his apartment!" crystal piped up.

"hm?" niko cocked her head at her friend. "oh! oh, yes, edwin, you totally should. you're a dead boy detective, after all. go help people!"

you thought you'd get whiplash trying to keep up with the conversation. "you're a what now-?"

edwid stood abruptly, brushing invisible dust off his coat. "perhaps i will walk [name] back to his apartment. if you feel inclined to." the last part was directed at you.

"oh- i wouldn't want to inconvenience you guys..." you said.

"nonsense." he held out a hand to you. "we are the dead boy detective agency, after all."

you still didn't know what that was, but you trusted edwin in spite of only having known him for less than an hour. so, you took his hand. you couldn't feel it, but the imagined weight and warmth of his palm against yours gave you comfort, dissipating the fear and apprehension inside you just a little bit.

⌦ --

the apartment building loomed above you. suddenly, it felt so big and intimidating - you felt no trace of excitement at the quaintness of it like you always had before. the reason you chose to live here was the brick walls and the carefully tended vines snaking along the front. not to mention, it was tall - 10 stories - and sort of reminded you of rapunzel's tower.

"ready?" edwin prompted.

you nodded, and let him pull you through the door - which you passed through with ease. you knew you were incorporeal at best in your current state, but you still cringed, bracing yourself for an impact that never came.

"it gets easier, eventually," edwin told you, having noticed your unease.

"yeah, okay," you said. and you were convinced. "i guess it'll help having an experienced ghost guide with me." you beamed at him.

his lips parted slightly in surprise. "i promise to do whatever i can to make this adjustment easier for you."

you chuckled. "edwin, you are honestly so charming..." you muttered to yourself as you headed towards the elevator. another reason you loved this complex so much was because you didn't have to conquer the 10 floors with just the stairs.

how did ghosts usually travel up places? you had no clue, but you were grateful that edwin kept silent at your decision to take the lift.

a 'ding' sounded and the doors parted open, instantaneously revealing the door that led to your room. your landlady had been kind enough to let you paint it a lovely burnt orange colour.

"that's me," you sighed. "c'mon."

your apartment was just as you remembered you left it this morning. not that you'd logically expected any change... but the fear-addled part of you had maybe been picturing a ransacked room, band posters ripped off the wall and all your ceramic cups shattered across the floor.

"this is weird," you voiced as you drifted from the door to the couch, then to the small kitchenette.

you shivered, not from the cold - you would never feel cold again, you thought, a bit hysterically - but from the all-encompassing grief you felt for yourself.

"i'm kind of sad i died. i know i'm still here... i'm not gone gone, or anything, but i'm still sad. is that weird?" you turned towards edwin, who was watching you with an unidentifiable look in his eyes.

"not at all." he put a hand on your shoulder. "there is much more to be done, even after your living time has expired." he paused, seeming to consider something. "i could... i could show you, if you would like."

"show me what?"

"the dead boy detectives' office," he said. "perhaps it will serve as a distraction."

warmth spread inside you, touched at his thoughtfulness. "that'd be great."

"excellent." edwin smiled, looking pleased. "do you have a mirror?"

your iron-tight grip on edwin's hand never ceased its hold, even after the two of you emerged from the other side of the mirror. panting, you gave your insides a moment to settle from the very jarring travel.

"that was so cool," you gasped. "even if it was unexpected. is this what niko meant by cool ghost tricks?"

"quite," edwin said. "now, welcome to the dead boy detectives' office. allow me to show you around."

his hand was still in yours, you noticed as he led you to a bookshelf and gave an overview of the different volumes it held. you made no move to pull away - partially because you didn't want to break his flow (you saw why he was so proud of it, and it was cute hearing him ramble), partially because you enjoyed the contact.

then, he showed you to a shelf that, if you didn't know any better, would have looked like a knick knack shelf, albeit one belonging to an eccentric grandma. on it were objects ranging from bones (human or not, you couldn't tell) to the rubber balls you found in vending machines.

"these," edwin proclaimed. "are the more interesting payments we have received. some enchanted, some not. i keep a document of which are and aren't."

he picked up a metal ring, with a dark sapphire gem in the middle. "like this, for example. it isn't enchanted, but it dates back to the edwardian era. when i was alive." he sighed wistfully, and lifted your hand, where your fingers were still intertwined. "may i?"

you nodded, watching his face. his eyes met yours, and he smiled shyly as he slipped the ring onto your finger.

"i acknowledge that we have only just become acquainted," edwin began. "but i have never become so fond of a boy this quick before."

"...so, in 21st century speak, you like me?" you questioned, half-teasing.

the two of you chucked in unison.

edwin cleared his throat. "yes, i think i do."

"then you won't mind if i..." you let the way you leaned down slightly finish your sentence.

"please," he said.

the kiss was chaste and fleeting, but it was enough for you to decide you definitely wanted to do it again.

"was that okay?" you checked in with edwin.

he nodded quickly. "yes, yes. very much so."

"good." you bit back a grin.

"would you like to stick around?" he blurted. "around the office, i mean, and with my friends and i. it isn't every day i meet a boy like you, and i... think i would rather like your company."

"i think i'd like your company, too," you admitted.

he held out a hand, making you laugh at the formality of it. "well then, welcome to the dead boy detectives' agency." he said. "i, for one, am very happy to have you here.”

[dira333]

Take the time you need - Todoroki Shouto x Reader

Baby Series

part 4 - this plays out before Shouko's born

“Maybe Shouji could play a little with the other kids, huh? Let the grownups talk?”

Shouji has no interest in that whatsoever, hiding his whole body between Shouto’s legs, his hands curled into his pants.

“I don’t think so,” Shouto declares, “he can stay with us.”

You lower yourself down until you’re on eye level with Shouji.

“Do you want to sit with me or with Papa?”

“Papa,” Shouji decides, his voice uncharacteristically low, tugging on Shouto’s pants.

Shouto kneels down immediately, turning as he does so.

“You wanna hide in my jacket?” He asks, smiling a little when Shouji nods.

-

Now they’re sat, the prestigious Todoroki Family.

You can’t help but wonder what the headmistress thinks of you.

Surely she didn’t expect Shouji to crawl into his father's lap instead of playing with the other children. Nor did she anticipate that Shouto would stretch his expensive Armani Blazer until the boy fit inside.

Shouji is not a shy kid. He’s clingy, sure, but you don’t think that’s anything less than normal at his age. 

Him hiding like this, especially with other kids, friends to play with, just in the other room, worries you. Something’s wrong.

-

“We expect our children to come in five days a week. We allow five sick days per semester, but we rarely see them taken.”

“Why?”

She falters at Shouto’s abrupt question but catches herself quick.

“Muninka-Hoikuen prides itself in doing everything to ensure our children have what they need for a good, healthy, successful life. We focus on Hygiene and a proper diet and-”

“Why five days a week?” 

You search for Shouto’s eyes. His lips are pressed into a thin line, his arms now curled around the Shouji-sized lump inside his jacket. 

You know this look on him. There’s a trigger here and you think you already know what it is.

“Well,” Headmistress Terada’s smile is too sweet to be trusted. “We aim to prepare our children for the future. Hard work is the cornerstone of success.”

You sigh. It’s loud and drawn out and much too dramatic to be taken for real, but it does it’s job, cutting the tension if only so slightly, turning both their attentions toward you.

“Well,” you say with your politest voice. “This won’t work for us then.”

“Excuse me?”

“We cannot have Shouji out of the house for more than three mornings a week, maximum.”

“That’s not-”

“I know,” you nod. “Not traditional, I know. But who else would be more qualified to train him how to control his Quirk than his family? I don’t think you want to deal with a burning toddler, hm?”

“No, I- Well, I am sure we can-”

You get up. “I am very sorry for wasting your time,” you interrupt her before she can make you a different offer. Being able to name the Todoroki Family as one of her clients would be too good to pass up, even if she has to break her own rules for it to happen.

“Shouto?” You ask, but he’s already on his feet, a petty little smile curling around his lips. 

“Have a good day,” you bid Headmistress Terada goodbye when it becomes clear that Shouto’s not willing to do so.

She looks a little lost but does nothing to stop you when you move for the door.

-

“Shouji,” your hand finds his back even through the jacket shielding him from the outside world. “You did great in there.”

“Why?”

“Because you showed us exactly how you were feeling. We don’t want you to go to a place you don’t feel comfortable in. Not when you don’t have to.”

Shouto stops abruptly, one hand pulling you forward until he can kiss you, his lips warm and hungry despite the public place.

“Thank you,” he breathes when he lets go again, pressing his temple against yours. “Thank you.”

“You could learn something from your son,” you tease him softly. “Thank God I know by now how to read you.”

He smiles. “Hear that, Shouji? I need to learn from you.”

Shouji’s head pops out of his hiding place, hair disheveled, cheeks rosy. “I am the teacher?”

“Yes,” Shouto leans down to bite his nose. “You are the teacher.”

-

“Are you thinking about going back to work again?” Fuyumi asks before taking a sip from her tea.

“Sometimes,” you admit. 

Just on the other side of the road, you can see children playing in a park. 

You’re pretty sure Fuyumi knows Shouji is among the children, even though you don’t recall telling her which preschool you ended up choosing. 

Shouji doesn’t know you’re out here, or he’d already be begging his teachers to let him come over. Still. It’s nice to know he’s over there, having fun.

“What’s holding you back?”

“Everything, nothing.” You shrug. “We don’t really need the money. So I don’t need to be going back right now. Shouji really enjoys spending time with me and I love spending time with him. And it’s important to Shouto. To know Shouji grows up as warm and safe as he possibly can.”

Fuyumi nods slowly. “I get that. I mean, I’m only back to work because I miss work. At least Masuyo can be with her dad when I’m at work and I know these two bond over the silliest things.”

“Tell me about it,” you chuckle, setting down your cup. “Just last night Shouto spent hours creating a whole scene with Shouji’s playdough. He wouldn’t stop even after Shouji fell asleep.”

“Oh,” Fuyumi laughs. “Tell me it turned out a masterpiece.”

“Well,” you bite your lip. Shouto’s the love of your life, but he’s not an artist. “Let’s just say it’s the masterpiece of our hearts.”

-

“And then Sensei said that we should run as fast as we can and I was second fastest!”

“Really?” You swing Shouji’s hand as you walk, listening to his morning at Preschool. “That sounds amazing. Do you like running?”

“It’s okay,” he shrugs. “I really like going on the swing though.”

“Yeah, the swings are cool, right? What else did you do?”

“After we got to the park we had snack time and I ate three whole grapes. We got more but I gave the other grapes to Suzume because she loves grapes and I got apple bunnies from her.”

Shouji talks on, but you only listen with half an ear, your focus shifted at the sight in front of you.

Natsuo’s hands are pushed deep into the pockets of his jeans, his shoulders pulled up to his ears. He looks uncomfortable and a little out of place, but he’s already noticed you and he’s not leaving.

“Honey,” you tug softly on Shouji’s arm to get his attention. “Look who’s here.”

Shouji blinks up at you and then down the street. He’s seen Natsuo in quite a few family photos, but it doesn’t seem to click at first, not until you point him out.

“Uncle Tsuo?” He asks. “You came back to Japan?”

Natsuo swallows thickly. “Yeah, buddy. I’m… I’m back.”

“That’s cool!” Shouji grins up at him. “Did you bring presents?”

Natsuo laughs as you gasp in surprise.

“Shouji,” you explain softly, “It’s not nice to ask for presents directly. He’d feel bad if he forgot them.”

“But how will he know he forgot them if I don’t ask?”

“I-” Natsuo interrupts, rubbing the back of his head. “I didn’t want to bring presents this time. But I have them at home.”

“Oh,” Shouji considers that for a second. “Did you forget to bring them? That’s okay. Momma often forgets stuff.”

You barely manage to hide the embarrassed snort that’s threatening to spill. Natsuo laughs though, his shoulders relaxing just a little bit.

“You wanna come in?” You ask. He’s been here before, the last time shortly after you and Shouto had gotten married. He’d apologized for not attending, apologized for his need to take another step away, to distance himself further from the family.

You’re not sure why he’s here now, but you know Shouto would hate missing him.

“Yeah,” Natsuo swallows thickly. “I’d love to.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

MHA Spoiler for Natsuo and why he hasn't been in contact with the family - read at your own risk

Somehow my brain can only work on this at the moment, so if you want any more of this series, let me know

[scara-hater]

HELLO I

AM HERE TO REQUEST

Cyno, Tighnari, Wanderer, and Xiao with a reader who feels lonely when they're gone so they knitted/made a mini plushie of them to hug and coddle with affection everyday

Cause plushies are cute and plushie of your favorite character? I will be gripping that piece of cotton for dear life

Idk if you have a character limit so you can just choose how many and who you want to write for, for this request :))

Anon this is so cute?? Yes yes and yes! Apologies if I misinterpret the request! I also got too excited, so apologies x2 if it seems rushed!

Not proofread! One day I will create a masterpiece when i actually edit my work.

Pt.2! <--

——————————————————————————-

Cyno

You two stay in touch as much as you can, but him being the general Mahamatra keeps your relationship distanced at times. He’s dedicated to his work and everything within the gaps means nothing. With you being the exception, kind of. He tries to make time, but if he views something important, he’ll mutter a quick apology before leaving you to sit around the house alone.

You actually told him that when he is absent, you cuddle a makeshift Cyno instead. You love that thing so much, it never leaves your side. Even when exiting the confines of your home, it is safely secured in your bag. Explaining to him that It’s just comforting, knowing that if the real Cyno can’t be there, at least you have one that stays with you at all times.

But something about that innocent statement, left a wavering feeling in is mind.

after he bid farewell, and was far beyond sight, it lingered in his brain.

You on the other hand, were missing him something fierce. The doll was made out of old materials that belonged to the white haired general, so it made it very soothing when you would hold it to your face. It’s smelled of his freshness, and if you closed your eyes, could imagine him there.

And as the day passes and the sun greets the moon, you grow tired as your eyes can no longer fight your sleep. Now, all that can be heard are your soft snores within the bedroom.

Meanwhile, thousands of meters away, Cyno lay awake. Chewing at the feeling he’s had all day, a doll? Of him? While he finds endearment in that and loves you even more for it, the emotions mixing in his chest sit unlabelled. Rolling to his side he shuts his eyes and awaits to see you in the morning.

And believe me, when he came home and saw you cuddling your dear doll, it hit him like ten million bricks.

He felt guilty.

“Wake up, I want to hold you.”

Tighnari

Told you he’s going to be gone for at most a week and apologized for leaving so suddenly, not forgetting to hug you before he parted ways. Though when he’s gone it feels so quiet. Always resulting in solemn feeling in your chest, you sit around thinking of ways to feel better, until one day it just clicks. make a little fox friend!

You run to your mess of a crafting table and start sewing. With a few stabs and much focused stitch work, you finally have it, your very own fennec fox hybrid! Admiring your accomplishment, you hold the treasure to your chest.

Days past and the mini companion never left your grasp. It sat in your lap as you ate and layed in your arms as you slept, needless to say the doll eased your sadness when Tighnari was gone. It truly helped you through some of those nights he couln’t be with you. And in all honesty? he to misses your company just as much.

Counting down each day until he can nest in-between your body once again, feeling the warmth of your embrace, Archons he’s thankful everything ended early.

Entering the city, putting his work aside and rushing home, he acknowledges the might night return, so he puts in an effort to silently crawl unto the covers without waking you. Now lifting your arm to lay under, only to find something invading his spot. That’s his spot y/n, just what lays in his way?

He picks it up, and upon further insection, it looks exactly like him. It’s a doll.

You really are just the cutest.

Carefully moving it to the side, he then finally shimmy’s into the bed, at last in your hold. Your hands find their place, and he falls asleep, knowing he chose the right mate.

Wanderer

Is often aiding the traveller in their goal of finding their twin. That and tasking in odd jobs around Sumeru, so usually chunks of your day has been dedicated to creating a partner to keep you from feeling empty. And now that it is complete, you can cuddle it as much as you want! Fiddling with it’s nubby hands and tracing it’s rosy cheeks, this was by far the best idea and probably the greatest thing you’ve crafted.

Lone days now accompanied by a tiny wanderer. How cute is that?

“What the hell is that?”

Oh, you didn’t hear him come in, “what, this?” You lift up the dainty thing, “why its you! Just travel size, you’re too big to carry you know?” You joke while he glares at the object. “I can see that, but just why do you have it? Are you going to give that one a consciousness too?” Ahh you see,

he’s jealous.

Putting the doll down, you fold your arms and tell him to look at you “ Are you seriously going to hate on something that was made so horribly? Look at it! If that thing was conscious, it would beg me to turn it back to mere cloth and string.” Pointing at it you continue, “I only made it because when you leave, I do miss you sometimes, is that such a crime?”

Certainly not, he loves it and finds his chest swelling.

“Perhaps not, though I am the only one you should be directing your affections, I too am a doll y/n, or have you forgotten?.” He turns around to escape the ever growing blush reaching his face. Though the tips of his ears are a dead give away.

Xiao

Watches over liyue, that is his priority when it comes to what he does.

And it is hurtful on nights like this one. Today was tiring and draining. Working in a noisy part of the city and interacting with less than enjoyable customers is not what you wanted to deal with. But life goes on, and all you wanted was to see your Adeptus and tell him about how awful today was.

Though, you remind yourself about his duties, and opt for a solution. Taking out your knitting needles, you begin your plan of a replacement Xiao. Harmless and fun. Plus when you succeed, the victory is even greater when you get to cuddle it while sitting down. It’s small and squishable, they both totally have the same vibe. The only difference is, your knitted partner wears a happy smile. Bringing one to your face as well. Oh how you wish he was next to you right now, holding it closer as you caress it’s cheeks with your thumb.

“Did you call me.”

“AH-“ falling of your chair, the squishy mini xiao flies out of your lap and lands on the floor. “Jeez, make some of sound before talking into my ear like that.” Looking his way, you see his gazed locked on the item on the floor. “Uhh, hehe yeah, um- when you’re gone I miss you and stuff so I made it to keep me company.” You say, hoping he didn’t find you terribly weird. Yet, you see him walk over to his mini figure and pick it up, looking over it. And seeing how much effort you put in makes him feeling all tingly.

“Summon me when you feel you want my company y/n, say the word and I’ll be here.” Archons he is so precious, “ I know that, but I don’t want to burden you when there are important matters to attend.” Now that put a pout on Xiao’s face. “you could never burden me.” He takes your hands in his,

“I will never ignore your call.”

Now, on days where you both reside together, two dolls can be seen placed on a shelf next to one another.

Requests open!