#instead got me something off Amazon that I can’t even use

[eyes-like-the-night]

I spent the past few years trying to have a better relationship with my dad and it’s currently absolutely in shambles

(My mom is kinda thriving though because she hates my dad and I get it now so when I’m really frustrated she listens and reminds me that yeah he hasn’t changed since she divorced him)

[leonw4nter]

Is It The Look In Your Eyes Or Is It This Dancing Juice?

Husband!DI!Leon x Reader

It’s 2002 and you’re deep in the Amazon rainforest on a mission called “Operation Javier” to track down a drug lord involved with bioterrorism. It was a cold and punishing night: pouring rain, winds that you swore could tear the roof from you and Leon’s shared tent, and the deafening cracks of thunder that followed after a bright flash of lightning. An unspoken pretense of being asleep lingered in the tent but you both knew that sleep seemed impossible to have that night.

“Can’t sleep?,” you softly ask first.

“You too?,” Leon asks back.

“Yeah,” you sigh. You shift in your sleeping bag, turning over to face Leon. He laid on his back, forearm on his forehead. Your gaze followed the veins in his arm, thinking to yourself that he would look breathtaking with a rolled-up dress shirt and maybe some gel to his pretty hair.

“You’re staring,” he says after some time.

“I wasn’t.”

“Yeah, right.”

You two fell back into comfortable silence, staring at the roof of the tent that shielded you both from the harsh elements. You remembered how you adored rainy nights like these back in Raccoon City, fondly reminiscing the soft pitter-patter of raindrops against your bedroom window. You wish you still had that fondness of rain to make your current predicament feel better, even for just a little bit.

“I used to own a walkman. I loved the hell out of that thing– took it to school, the park, church– everywhere basically,” he says. A fond chuckle leaves his lips and you close your eyes, relishing in how adorable he sounded.

“I only had five songs in it but I never got tired of each one. I listened to those songs on repeat no matter the mood. On nights like these, I fell asleep listening to the songs to drown out the thunder but the walkman’s lost now. I don’t know what happened, it’s gone now. I miss him,” he finally says. He finally turns over, looking at you with what seemed like a sliver of a smile on his slightly chapped lips.

“Seems like you really loved that thing.” “Yeah, could possibly qualify as my greatest love.”

“Greatest love? Big thing to say about it.”

─────────────────────────────────────────────────────

You proved to Leon that he’s wrong with his walkman being his greatest love because he got down on one knee and asked you to marry him ten years after this conversation. Now you’re on your shared bed in your shared home, surfing through eBay for walkmans from his time. You remembered how his blue irises served as a sky for the stars that shone when he talked about and you never thought his eyes could shine brightly for anything or anyone else but that’s where you’re wrong. After a few minutes of scrolling, you managed to find a walkman from the 80s in perfect condition and some tapes with songs you know he likes. With a few clicks, you placed the order and paid. Lucky for you, the order would arrive a day or two before his birthday. Smiling, you turn your laptop off and return it to your drawer. Leon was on the other side of the country, currently on a mission. Many times you have convinced Leon to lay back and retire but you both know that it’s easier said than done.

─────────────────────────────────────────────────────

“Hunnigan managed to get me a month-long vacation. I’m all yours for an entire month,” Leon says as he walks out of the shower, towel in hand to dry his brown locks.

“You deserve it, honey. How does a tropical getaway sound? Or would you prefer we stay at home instead,” you ask.

“I’m content with anywhere as long as it’s with you and you’re happy about it,” he says before pressing a kiss to the crown of your head, his stubble tickling your skin.

You were about to say something when the doorbell rang, prompting Leon to temporarily stop drying his hair and turn his focus to the door. You excused yourself, skipping to the front door and only parting the door slightly so Leon wouldn’t see the package you got a week or two ago. You handed over the bills you were going to pay with and thanked the delivery man before walking back to Leon, the box behind your back.

“What was that for?,” Leon asked.

“Nothing,” you say as you fight back a giggle.

“Doesn’t seem like nothing to me,” Leon remarks.

“Seriously, it’s really nothing!”

“Fine. I’ll let this slide because I love you.”

“You’re the best!”

It was hard to hide the surprise from him not because he was actively trying to find out what it was but because he was home most of the time. It wasn’t like you could slip out of bed while he was sleeping and wrap his gift up, he’s a light sleeper and the crinkling of paper would wake him so the only solution you found was to send him on a grocery run. As soon as he left the door, you quickly took the walkman and the paper bag and began wrapping it. Since you still had time to spare, you decided to quickly draft a heartfelt birthday greeting and placed it inside the brown bag. Your gift was complete, ready to make Leon’s special day.

─────────────────────────────────────────────────────

Leon had opted for a simple get-together at home, along with Chris, Claire, Jill, Rebecca, and Hunnigan. Unlike the others, Leon didn’t touch a single glass of alcohol since he’s recovering from his drinking problem and instead settled on cakes and the pasta you made. He was coming into the kitchen for another slice of cake when you walked up from behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Happy birthday, big boy,” you softly say as you press your cheek into his firm back.

“Thanks honey, I really appreciate all this,” he says with sincerity as he turns around and hugs you back.

“Save that for when I’ll give you your gift” “Oh?”

You take the brown paper bag from where you’ve hidden it and give it to him. He looks to you, silently asking permission to open it up to which you nod. He tries to guess what you could’ve gotten him, saying whatever item comes to mind. “A shaving set? New wallet? Gift card?”

“Just open it up!,” you excitedly say.

“Alright, alright!”

He opens the bag up, his hand reaching until his hands feel something and pulls it back up. His eyes widen and he nearly drops the walkman due to his surprise. He stares at you, mouth parted as all the words get stuck in his throat.

“Honey! A walkman! Oh my God, thank you so much,” he happily says. He walks over to you, pulling you in for a rib-shattering hug and rocks you side to side. He pulls away and peppers your face with kisses before settling on your warm lips, a smile pressed against your own.

He spends the rest of the evening tinkering with the walkman, proudly showing your present off to everyone in the room. You decide to busy yourself with doing the dishes, giving Leon some time by himself to relish the fact that you helped him relive his childhood.

“I’m so lucky to have them in my life, Hunnigan, you don’t understand!,” you overhear, which prompts laughter from the guests.

NOTE - Happy New Year everyone! Hope everyone's feeling great, 2024 will be your year! I don't exactly like this work but I still hope you'll enjoy it 😭 I'm tempted to write another hockeyplayer!Leon fic since I'm currently having a brainrot over him and Russ Callaghan from Wildfire. I'm also planning to make a directory post to all my fics (maybe later). I might start to post less later this week because class is starting and I've got so much tests waiting for me (wish me luck!!) That's it and Happy New Year again!!!!!

The film dividers are from @saradika , the images are made by me (sourced from Pinterest).

[pixie-mage]

I’ve thought about telling you. I’ve thought about bringing it up. You’ve asked me about my purple striped pendant enough times, and I’ve always brushed it off, and you still give it a sidelong look as if you know, so I’ve thought about saying something–

(Or leaving my laptop open on the wiki page, or doodling the flag on a sticky note and leaving it where you can see, or buying a book about it on your Amazon account, or–)

–but I never have.

Maybe it would finally convince you to leave my dating life alone. Or at least, maybe it would convince you that a dating app won’t work the same for someone like me.

Because when you’re asexual, most men on a dating app are expecting a future hookup, whether that’s now or a few weeks down the line…so you’re not what they’re looking for.

Anyway, I’ve thought about it. But I’ve also seen how you talked to me behind my sister’s back when she came out as bisexual, how you were outwardly unbothered and generally supportive but would turn to me with “If this phase lasts” and “She's still young” and “When she settles down with a guy” on your lips. It’s been a while since I’ve heard it, but even now, when she’s college age and openly dating a woman, I get the feeling you still don’t take her relationship as seriously as our brother’s relationship with his girlfriend. I get the feeling you still judge.

(You love us dearly. I know you do. The good and great family memories far far outweigh the bad. And you care about us so much. You’ve fought the world for us in the past and you’d do it again and you’ll always always love and support us in everything we do. But. But.)

And maybe you wouldn’t judge me so harshly for simply saying I’m ace, because it’s not like I’m gay, right? It’s not like I’ll end up with another girl, right? It’s not as big of a deal…right?

But I’ve also seen how judgemental you were when I started crossplaying, when I started choosing male characters to cosplay alongside the female. I was just dressing up for fun and that’s all it ever will be, but still…the judgement. The unspoken judgement of different.

And when I brought up the idea of adoption instead of having my own kids - the one time I opened up enough to mention it - you gave me the most indecipherable look that made me feel like I’d said something horribly, horribly wrong. And I said “What?” and you said “Nothing.” But it was “nothing” in the “I won’t say it, but you should know” way. It was “nothing” in the “I won’t say it, but I’ll let you feel my dissatisfaction from where you’re sitting” way.

And just this year, I got so close. I almost said something. We were having a conversation - god knows I can’t even remember how it started now - but I got brave enough to ask if it would be so wrong to never want to be physically intimate with someone. And I got an exaggeration eyeroll, and a “You have GOT to get over your fear of sex” as if you knew me sooo well that you obviously could see what I really meant. But you didn’t. You don’t. And when I said - rather impulsively - that “I’m not afraid, I just don’t want to do it. It’s gross and uncomfortable” - well.

“That’s a childish response.”

Because god forbid I feel differently than you do about something that would only affect my life. God forbid I dislike something even when the rest of the world expects me to want to love it. God forbid.

So I haven’t told you. With a response like that, why the hell would I?

You always say “you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince”…and sure, I understand the meaning. But why does finding a prince require kissing? Why can’t I hug him instead? Why can’t a peck on the cheek suffice? I’d offer him a Lego minifigure if that would do the trick. I’d much prefer it.

But no, I’m childish for wanting to keep my body to myself.

You signed me up for a dating app when I was in early college. At the time I thought it was funny, and I still kind of do. I know that you want to see me happy and you assume finding a partner is what will do that. And maybe I would be happy with a partner in my life…but not the kind you’re thinking of.

See, the problem with dating apps - the problem with dating - is I know eventually the guy will get bored. He’ll get bored before we hit five months because the whole time he’ll have been waiting for the chance to take me to bed, and unfortunately for him, the thought will have never crossed my mind. Hell, the last time we tried to make out I was probably thinking about pizza rolls and wondering how long people are supposed to keep kissing like that. When is it acceptable to stop? When is it polite to get back to watching the movie? How much kissing is enough to satisfy someone else? Because it sure as hell does next to nothing for me.

I used to think I was broken, you know.

I used to think there was something wrong with me if everyone was explaining kissing and sex as this fantastic thing, and I was sitting there going “What’s there to like?”

I used to think - hell - maybe mom was right. Maybe I just have to keep kissing frogs.

But at some point, you kiss enough frogs that never turn into princes, and you start to realise that maybe the problem isn’t the frogs you’re picking. Maybe the problem is you. Maybe you don’t have the magic in your lips to turn ‘em back into royalty.

And then you date an amazing, amazing guy, and you think “Wow, I could picture a life with him” and you think “This could be something” and you think “This is a prince…right?” …but you still feel nothing. The romance is there, and the joy of shared interests, and the matching sense of humor, and the laughter and the fun and you fit and it’s amazing - but physically? Sexually? Nothing. You feel nothing. You’re still daydreaming about pizza rolls when you’re kissing on the couch, and nothing has changed.

So you think…another frog?

And you end things.

And you think it’s better that way.

And you think maybe you were just excited over a solid friendship and misinterpreted what you were feeling.

But then you find an internet post that is far too relatable. You find an artist that has put into words the exact way you’ve been feeling for years. You find a comic that sends a shockwave of a revelation through your head and you feel - you feel whole. You feel unbroken. You feel like this is what you were missing all along.

One word that makes you feel a little less alone, knowing there are others out there just like you.

Asexual.

A person who feels no physical attraction toward others.

Sometimes they want to be physically intimate with their partner even though they feel nothing, but sometimes? Sometimes they really really don’t.

And it’s okay.

And it has a name.

And it’s not broken.

…and I would tell you all of this if I felt like I could. But.

But.

It’s just a phase and you’d be happier with a partner and that’s a childish response.

Is it any wonder I have never explained what my purple striped pendant really means?

[physalian]

IngramSpark: Good or Nah?

I decided to work with them last minute to set my book up for success, and, in case they screwed me over, I could hate them in a properly informed manner.

So!

IngramSpark (IGS) vs. Amazon (KDP) so far: A detailed comparison.

Spoiler Alert: FUCK INGRAMSPARK

Alrighty these are two proof copies (author copies) of the exact same book made with the exact same PDFs. IGS is on the left in all pics.

Stuff to note:

The IGS copy is slightly greener, the purple is less vibrant. KDP made the exact colors I painted this with in photoshop.

The KDP book is slightly thicker and while the spine print is slightly off center, the front cover is perfectly centered. Compare both of the lower moons on the right side and it's very obvious that IGS cut theirs incorrectly. It's cut incorrectly because their paper is thinner, thus needing a slightly narrower print PDF (which isn't something they would tell you).

KDP is slightly thicker because they used thicker paper. Theirs is less polished creme, you can feel more of a grain of the pages, but because they're thicker, they're less transparent. I can read straight through to not only the back of the title page, but straight onto the next piece of paper for the IGS copy, and theirs cost more to print.

KDP shipped in lighter packaging, which meant my copy got a little banged up as opposed to the cardboard coffin the IGS book was in. Pick your poison.

KDP

PROS

A breeze to work with in most areas. I did not need to use customer service, so I can’t comment on that, but I’ve heard it’s superior to IGS in every way. They do have a community chat that I have used when confused (more below) and pages upon pages of how-to resources.

Simple user interface, very easy to click through all the set-up menus and not once did it freeze or crash on me (more below).

Did not use their formatter or cover generator, I used Adobe and did my own so I can’t comment on their quality.

Their “print previewer” was fantastic. I could click through the whole book and they explained very thoroughly where some issues were and what I should look out for and they let me use my own files without issue instead of having to build them in the platform.

Their royalty rate is the best you can get in this industry, because they’re not selling to anyone but themselves so there’s no middle man taking a cut of the profit.

Print quality of the book itself is fantastic. Only thing I miss is the ability to emboss, but no print-on-demand company does that as far as I’m aware. The colors were an exact match to my design in Adobe, I have no complaints.

Instant reports and near-live report refreshes for ebooks. Print copies don’t register on reports until the book ships, but Amazon prints and ships within ~2 days.

Because it’s Amazon, even though proof copies aren’t applicable with Prime, my copy still got here in 5 days including print time. My print copy totaled the print cost plus $3 in standard shipping that I could have rushed.

It did get a little banged up on the bottom but I think that was during shipping not at the printing press.

If you’re really strapped for cash, they do offer free ISBNs *but these are KDP only ISBNs, you don’t own them, and they are non transferable between vendors and POD companies. Bite the bullet and just save up for your own ISBNs and buy them in bulk if you can and you plan on publishing at least 2 books in your lifetime (like a paperback and hardcover of the same book, even).

After I submitted my ebook for preorder, I kept finding little details to fix and lines I wasn’t happy with that got nixed at the 11th hour. Updating this was seamless and free and the updated versions were processed within 6 hours or so. Amazon did not lock in the files to the date the preorders were set like IngramSpark would have.

CONS

They still don’t have paperback preorder, but they do have a feature where you can submit for a future release, which is just giving your files over to go live on a set date. Thing is: When you get to the end of the setup, there’s a button that says something like “submit for publication” which does not actually mean “move your publication date to right now” like I thought. So I missed my paperback date by 2 days.

Their proof copy has that annoying grey “Not for Resale” stripe across the cover so it looks wonky in marketing images.

They have a “cover art size calculator” feature, which did not line up with the actual file size I needed come submission time, off by a few millimeters. Which meant resizing in Photoshop and it was incredibly annoying and tedious.

Upon finally hitting the “publish” button Amazon flagged my book and told me to fix the highlighted errors. Well there were no highlighted errors, and said error(s) could be anywhere across four pages of details. I had to consult the community notes to figure out what they were talking about (it was an ISBN issue) which was quite annoying.

IGS

PROS

Well-known as the best print-on-demand (POD) company with the widest reach, including Amazon, for expanded distribution. (NOT IN MY EXPERIENCE)

Also well-known as the highest quality self-publish paperback, that still doesn’t do embossing. (NOT IN MY EXPERIENCE)

They do paperback preorders (which I did not participate in).

Integrates flawlessly with libraries and retailers that Amazon won’t do (which is about its only claim to superiority). My book was searchable on Barnes & Noble within 48 hours.

IGS, like KDP, has free ISBNs (US only), with the exact same non-transferable issue. However, because they integrate across all sellers, Amazon included, if you only intend to work with them, you’ve reached every market anyway.

CONS

Their royalty rate sucks ass. I had to price my book $1 higher through IGS because I was literally at a deficit with all the printing costs and vendor discounts (so if you want my book for slightly cheaper, buy it through Amazon). Through IGS, I think I’m making about $1 in royalties, when all is said and done. And I’ve heard, shockingly, that that’s pretty good.

I didn’t try to use their customer service because I know it’s notoriously terrible. But it would have been helpful when their website crashed.

Their website crashed on me three times when trying to upload my files. Before it crashed, their “submit files” button simply did not work, so I had to go the roundabout way through their formatter and cover wizard (which I didn’t like) which then told me my 300DPI cover art was too small. The exact same file I submitted and had in my hands at perfect resolution to Amazon. It took almost 2 hours of running around in circles on their site to essentially start from scratch to get this up and running—and I did all of this with polished files from the get go because I knew revisions would be tedious. Can’t imagine the hassle if you aren’t ready to go immediately (this is why I didn't do a preorder with them).

I have heard that if you make changes to your files, they don’t go into effect until the next month, meaning if you have typos, and anyone buys your book before the next calendar month despite you fixing them in the system, that person is still buying the old version. I have also heard that generating reports is not seamless. After 60 days, revisions also cost you $25 a pop (KDP is free).

If you submit pre-made PDFs for your manuscript and cover (as in, you don’t format or generate them within their system) they do not have an instant previewer. Mine took 48 hours to deliver a link, when that shit should be automated and instantaneous and should allow me to use my own files.

IGS does not have Amazon’s monopoly on shipping, so to get my book here at all quickly, it cost me almost $20, rush fees applied for only 1 day faster than Amazon did. “Quickly,” being I ordered the proof on the 24th, and it won’t get here until the 28th. Meaning, that if you’re not paying rush fees, you’d have to wait longer.

They can be quite confusing with revisions during the preorder process. Per their website, they can begin printing your book “generally” 30 days before go-live. Which means someone who preordered your book on the 3rd gets the version of the book that was available on the 3rd, even if you update it on the 5th, because they print those immediately, even if the book’s official release date of the 30th hasn’t passed. You’d pretty much have to be completely done with revisions before setting up for preorder with them to be absolutely sure, which means wasted time. I don’t know why they don’t just queue up the books to be printed on a hard deadline a few days before release.

So. While I hate that Amazon has a monopoly, about the only thing IGS has going for it is their expanded distribution when everything about their business, from their platform to their user experience to the actual quality of books is at best dead even with KDP, but in my experience with my best foot forward, IGS annoyingly inferior.

I don’t think they’ll remain the “best POD company” for very much longer. I did not do hardcover for ENNS as of this post so I can’t comment on either service’s print quality, only what I’ve seen in other reviews. Some people like the jacket-less print-on-the-cardboard look (Amazon), some people (me) like the jacket, if only so I can use it as a bookmark.

*I wrote the above paragraphs before getting my proof copy from IGS and fucking hell they're not even competent at printing

It is also a massive waste of paper and shipping resources to have to print multiple versions of proof copies fixing errors outside of my control. My proof copy from KDP is perfect. IGS? Nope! But they wouldn't let me properly preview it so I had no idea this would happen.

Even as a consumer who might hate the idea of giving Amazon more money, there’s an argument to consider: I totally understand the desire to keep brick and mortar stores afloat and I don’t want Amazon’s monopoly on the market to grow even larger. However, Amazon makes sure that you’re making more than pocket change on your book, unless you jack up the prices for readers on the back end so the whole thing costs more all the way down the pipeline. I refused to do this.

That deficit that forced me to price ENNS even $1 higher than Amazon really bothers me with IngramSpark. That deficit exists because of a higher print cost and a 55% discount given to vendors so they can still make their cut of profit from stocking your book. IngramSpark had me sit through a whole video saying “if you don’t do this no one will stock your book” while saying you could go as low as 54% but that might scare off vendors.

In essence, at this time, KDP makes sure that you, the creator, make money. IGS makes sure that they and the businesses selling your book for you make money. I didn’t do any of this for profit, but it does hurt seeing all your hard work, possibly years of effort, have a royalty of $0.87.

So, yeah, is IngramSpark worth it?

I don’t yet know what their reach will amount to. It’s a dream of mine to see my book on a bookstore shelf, but signing up with IGS does not guarantee you sales, it just guarantees you the best chance possible at reaching potential buyers. But at the moment, all it looks like to me is fees, a bad UI, cheap printing, arrogance from perceived superiority in the market, and a business built boldly in favor of its own profits.

Amazon’s a shady-ass corporation, but I’m going to have to say they’re the better bet. At the very least, for your first book when you don’t have an audience and if making a profit is important to you.

—

I did not try to use any other POD like Draft 2 Digital or Barnes & Noble Press, as I already have KDP and IGS is the best platform to integrate with KDP.

See here for the cost breakdown of my debut novel from draft to publication.

[jasmine-otome]

Birushana: Rising Flower of Genpei Review ⚔️

"Fifteen years after the Heiji Rebellion, the Heike clan has reached the height of its power, while the Genji clan remains devastated by defeat. Hidden deep within the mountains of Kurama lives Shanao, the youngest surviving male heir to the Genji name. However, Shanao harbors a deep secret known by very few.

The youngest heir to the Genji name is no man.

Her adventure leads her to find new cherished relationships, as well as something deeper than the feud between the rivaling clans."

This review will contain marked spoilers, which will be indicated by red text stating "spoiler zone" and will be struck through. The spoiler zones' endings will be denoted by "end spoilers" in green text.

Genre: Historical / Action / Adventure / Romance

Rating: ESRB T

Developer & Publisher: Otomate & Red Entertainment + Idea Factory International

Where to Buy: Nintendo eShop, Amazon

When I first heard about Birushana, I was super excited about the enemies-to-lovers route. Unfortunately, I took a pretty long break from gaming right before it was released, so I only got the chance to play it recently. I’m a massive fan of historical fiction, and this was my first otome series taking place in historical Japan, so I had a lot to expect. I had exceptionally high expectations for Tomomori, and I can confidently say he met all of them :). The game took me a little under 45 hours to complete over the course of a month; however, it’d probably take a little less time if you use walkthroughs most of the time.

I really liked the art, and the music was a perfect addition to immerse you into the time period. I loved how they implemented faceless sprites for most of the extras and how each character had multiple costume changes. Birushana is slightly unconventional in terms of directing, which I absolutely loved. The developers truly took advantage of the ability to move around the character sprites, which definitely ramped up the action.

The fight scenes were action-packed and incredibly immersive, as the sprites were constantly moving to mimic the energy of an actual fight (think piofiore gunfights on steroids). The developers also made excellent use of the perspective and rear sprites of characters, as well, which I don’t see too much. Overall, the art, directing, and music amplified the game’s immersion and made it super visually appealing and entertaining. All in all, *chef’s kiss*. 9/10

*the gif might be a little lossy since I had to really trim it down*

Birushana pretty much checked off all the boxes for my favorite features. It has a heroine portrait, bold and outlined text (making it so much easier to read), a flowchart, a status page, a dictionary, a skip-to-choice button, love catch, and sprite animation. The only thing keeping the system from being a 10/10 is the fact that the game itself was pretty slow and sometimes laggy. It was especially prominent when it came to disengaging the skip feature. Sometimes, I’d have to press twice to disengage, which is incredibly annoying when I accidentally activated "skip all". I typically play games with the second-fastest text speed, but I had to switch to the fastest speed since it sometimes lags between lines.

Instead of simply having points for each love interest, there are measures for strength, knowledge, and kindness. Not going to lie, this made the game kind of hard. Instead of getting as many points with your target love interest as possible, you also have to balance the other three measures…otherwise, you’ll end up on a bad end or the wrong route. When it came to Noritsune, I kept either getting a bad end or ending up on Benkei’s route over and over again until I gave up and decided to use a walkthrough. Benkei’s route was also a struggle since I kept getting bad ends. I can’t even begin to remember how many tries it took before I resorted to a walkthrough. Thankfully, after those two routes, I figured out exactly how to land on the proper route, and my struggle was no more.

Coupled with the fabulous directing I mentioned above, the fact that the sprites were animated served to turn the game into a cinematic masterpiece! It really coupled well to play upon the game’s adventurous nature. I’m not too particular about voice acting, but I think it was pretty good. I was rlly happy to learn that Tomomori's VA voiced Korosensei in Assassination Classroom and also had roles in various other series I really like, such as I’m the Villainess, The Masterful Cat is Depressed Again Today, Horimiya, High Rise Invasion, Boruto, My Love Story, and about a billion other series. Idk that was a bit random lol. 9/10

Birushana takes place in the Heian era of Japan and revolves around two Samurai clans: the Heike and the Genji. In addition to taking place in a historical setting, the game revolves around the real-life Genpei War and various battles that occurred alongside it. In fact, many of the characters and love interests are based on actual historical figures (although the writers do take various liberties, obviously).

The common route is pretty short (I didn’t track how many hours), and it differs from typical otoge as there are common parts during the individual character routes. Additionally, due to keeping in line with history, the unique character routes tend to be a little repetitive in some aspects, which was a bit annoying at times. Still, once I learned that it actually happened, it made sense why the developers chose to do that. While I usually play whichever character I feel like first, I decided to follow the developer’s recommended route order, and I feel like it really enhanced the gameplay experience. The best way I can describe it is pretty much layers. Each route is pretty much juicier than the previous one and unveils more and more each time. It also plays a lot of dramatic irony. There’s a LOT to be uncovered by the story, so it really encourages you to develop various theories and whatnot regarding the characters. I loved the more subtle touch of fantasy, so it wasn’t overly dramatic but still played an important role.

As for the endings, each route has a “Happy End,” a “Tragic Love End,” “If Ends,” and a couple “Bad Ends”.

*** SLIGHT SPOILER ZONE ***

The tragic love ends were a bit like a lite version of Piofiore’s notorious tragic endings, but when it came to the happy endings, I wasn’t particularly satisfied. They felt more like normal endings than “happy” ones, but I guess it just boils down to keeping it realistic.

*** END SPOILERS ***

Something that I absolutely loved were the “If” endings. After completing each route except Noritsune’s, you’ll unlock an ending with one of four side characters earlier on in the route. As a lover of side characters, I was absolutely pumped when I realized it. Their stories apparently continue in the fandisc, which I hope IFI will announce soon. Shigehira was my favorite side character, and I was super happy once I realized that he wouldn’t be limited to an undatable. I really wished other games would employ that practice *cough cough* Dairoku *cough cough*. I think Birushana did a pretty good job of tying up any loose ends in terms of plotline. I had very few lingering questions, none of which were quite pressing or anything. Some elements felt a little band-aidy, but nothing that made me completely roll my eyes. 7/10

When I started the game, my rankings for love interests were Tomomori > Yoritomo > Noritsune > Shungen > Benkei. After I completed it, my rankings surprisingly didn’t change. I didn’t dislike any of the love interests (which is pretty rare for me), and I absolutely loved two of them. 7/10

*the game's route order*

Shanao/Yoshitsune Minamoto is the youngest heir of Genji, who has spent her life living as a boy in the Kurama temple and has been training all her life in hopes of one day standing up to the Heike. Throughout her life, the name of Genji, which she holds dear, has been weighing her down, pushing her towards combat when all she truly wants is to make the world a better place and live in peace. Birushana follows Shanao as she leaves the temple in Kyoto and embarks on a journey to defeat the Heike and achieve her dreams.

I really liked Shanao as a character and found her interesting throughout. She’s strong, resilient, and quick-witted; overall, she is a very admirable heroine. She takes a very active role in the story and isn’t just a damsel. She’s also extremely dedicated to her beliefs and gives her all to reach her dreams. I loved how her strength was showcased throughout and not subjugated once a love interest appeared. I’ve found that in many battle/action series, the FL starts out as some goddess of war, but once she meets the ML, her abilities are pretty much disregarded, and she just becomes the ML’s cheerleader (cough, SAO). Thankfully, Birushana strays away from this and keeps Shanao at the forefront. She’s pretty much one of those characters you can’t help but cheer on.

Noritsune Taira is the nephew of Kiyomori, the Heike’s leader, and the cousin of Shigehira and Tomomori. He’s a bit sheltered when it comes to the real world due to his upbringing, has a hostile attitude, and quite a competitive spirit. Like Shanao, although he feels pride in his clan, he also feels weighed down by it and begins to see her as a rival.

What got me really excited for Birushana initially was the existence of an enemies-to-lovers route, which happens to be Noritsune’s. While they never really seemed like enemies, they were definitely intense rivals. His route was pretty light compared to the following routes, but it was also an excellent way to start off the game. Something I really liked about it was the character dynamic between him and Shanao. He sees her as a rival to overcome and, in turn, is pushed to grow as a person and escape the shell of his family, learning what it’s like to be in the real world. Throughout his route, he pretty much matures from a sheltered, bratty, rich boy to someone who knows how to work hard, respect others, and is self-aware. They pretty much have that iconic battle shounen rivalry that pushes each other to do better despite being on opposing sides (kind of like Sasuke & Naruto) but with a romantic twist (speaking of Naruto, one thing that drew me to his character was the fact that he has the same pink hair and green eyes as my favorite character, Sakura).

One of the great things about Noritsune is that he never disregarded Shanao as a rival, even after finding out she was a woman, and didn’t even care too much for her gender in general. He always saw her as an equal and admired her strength.

*** LIGHT SPOILER ZONE ***

I really loved how they could set aside their differences in the middle of the route and pretty much just be together for some time. Seeing them fight together was so power-couple. It absolutely broke my heart when they were separated towards the end.

*** END SPOILERS ***

I will say that getting on his route was an absolute nightmare without knowing how the game works, but I think it was all worth it for him.

Benkei is an exiled monk on a journey to collect either 999 or 1000 swords from the Heike (I forgot ngl). He’s a bit of a gentle giant and somewhat of a himbo. He is also incredibly loyal to Shanao as her “first vassal” despite having a bit of a notorious background. He also happens to be the oldest love interest in the game at 30 years old. Something I found a bit funny is how much older he looks than Yoritomo despite being only a year apart.

Benkei was probably my least favorite LI, but I did like his character. I found his himbo-ness quite funny and liked his route a lot, but I couldn’t really bring myself to see him as a love interest. Benkei takes great pride in being her vassal, and the two develop somewhat of a father-daughter relationship, bonding due to their lack of parentage...which made it hard for me to see them as a couple.

*** LIGHT SPOILER ZONE ***

One of the things about Benkei’s route that’s a bit unconventional (but I’m not complaining at all about it) is the lack of Benkei himself. This route pretty much felt like a Shigehira & Tomomori ad and is what turned me into a diehard Shigehira fan and got me super pumped for Tomomori lol. Safe to say, I was pretty satisfied with some of the bad endings. The route delves into the mysteries of Shanao’s origin and serves as a starting point for unpacking the layers of the story. It also really exposes the fantasy element of the story.

I wasn’t a massive fan of the romance in this route, as it felt a bit underdeveloped. Benkei pretty much served as a shoulder to cry on. Still, I will admit he makes a phenomenal side/platonic character.

*** END SPOILERS ***

Benkei's unwaveringly dedicated to Shanao and will do whatever he can in hopes of making things easier on her, even if it comes at his own expense. Overall, I liked the route (mainly due to the villains, lol) and I like Benkei as a character. Still, the chemistry as lovers wasn’t really there, in my opinion (but it was good in a more platonic sense).

Shungen is the son of Shanao’s father’s retainer and has been raised alongside her in Kurama since birth. He’s pretty overprotective when it comes to Shanao and is the pair's brain, while Shanao is the brawn.

I’m not typically a fan of the childhood friend troupe since they usually tend to go sour; however, Shungen exceeded my expectations. While the romance itself wasn’t anything to write home about, I did really like him as a character. He’s a bit nerdy and likes to read a lot, which, looking back, doesn’t seem to be super common. He’s also a talented flute player, which was also a cool addition. He cares a lot for Shanao and profoundly values her due to their close relationship throughout their lives. As opposed to Noritsune, he was more overprotective. He doesn't let her breathe as much, but it kinda makes sense since she's constantly in extreme danger (given the war and all). He’s definitely one of the sweeter LIs and seems quite innocent, lol.

This route was a big one in terms of plot twists, building upon the revelations in previous routes. While playing, I attempted to predict what was going on over and over again and got pretty close. It also unveiled even more questions surrounding Shanao, so it keeps you on your toes.

*** MEDIUM SPOILER ZONE ***

My favorite part was probably when he played the flute for Shanao every day, which really tugged on my heartstrings. I laughed a bit at the thought of Shungen being called some player-inputted name, like idk Emily, once the big reveal came out. I liked how this route had a big focus on the emperor as opposed to simply the Heike as well. Something pretty interesting to see was Shungen’s little light-yandere streak, especially since he’s been portrayed as this sweet, intellectual character who doesn’t seem very threatening. The happy ending for this route was a bit surprising since I was scared I did something wrong, but overall, it turned out pretty well. I felt so bad for Shanao in this route, and I can’t even begin to imagine what she must have been feeling after learning the truth. Thankfully, it made Yoritomo’s route feel a lot less wrong.

*** END SPOILERS ***

This route hyped me up for Yoritomo’s route, so I was pretty eager to get through with Shungen’s, which might have limited my enjoyment a little bit. While Shungen was likable, I couldn’t care too much for their romance. This route really tugged on my heartstrings, and I liked Shanao and Shungen’s close relationship as friends. I think Shanao’s role was a bit toned down in this route and that there were a couple of conflicts that could have easily been solved via communication. But overall, it was a really great building block for the rest of the story and ramped up the dramatic irony in the following routes.

Yoritomo Minamoto is Shanao’s older half-brother who has been exiled in Izu for the past 16 or so years. I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry, and just ignore it. He’s distant and closed off, and it takes some time for him to open up, but it makes sense given his background.

Having seen him throughout the previous routes, I was just itching to play this route. It’s full of angst, is pretty slow-burn, and really showcases the extent of Shanao’s dedication. She seemed a bit out of character for this route, but it made sense that it highlights how deeply she years for familial love. Being so far into the game, the route has a lot of spoilers, so I'll limit most of my commentary.

*** MEDIUM SPOILER ZONE ***

Growing up essentially as an orphan, Shanao's been longing for familial love for years, and upon meeting her only family, she can’t help but be dedicated even if it’s bad for her in the long run. Yoritomo starts off very stoic, but Shanao slowly chips away at his exterior, and they begin to open up to one another. It absolutely broke my heart when Shanao overheard Yoritomo discussing with Kagetoki and ran away. I liked both the happy and tragic endings a lot. The tragic one kinda reminded me of a blend of Dante and Nicola's, who happen to be my two favorite Piofiore characters.

*** END SPOILERS ***

I really, really loved Yoritomo’s character design (his might be my favorite), and his CGs were by far my favorite in the game. His closed-off nature really made me yearn for some scenes from his point of view since I really, really wanted to know what was going on in his head lol. Throughout the routes, I couldn’t really figure out if he was a good or bad character, but that just made it all the more entertaining. The romance felt a little fast, but overall, it was my second favorite route, and I really loved his character.

Tomomori Taira is Kiyomori’s (leader of the Heike) 4th son, Shigehira's brother, and Noritsune's cousin. He’s a highly talented militarist but tends to stay outside of battles unless he holds a personal interest within them. Right off the bat, he discovers Shanao’s secret and pretty much becomes weirdly obsessed with her, hopping on a quest to make her his…or to at least die by her hand.

Tomomori was the individual character I was most excited about both before and during the game, and I can safely say that he did not disappoint at all. Being the game's villain, he plays a much more prominent role than the other love interests in other routes and even takes the stage in some. Since he’s interested in her from the start, it’s almost like the whole game is building up on their relationship.

I absolutely loved the dynamic between Shanao and Tomomori: he’s all flirty while she pretty much can’t stand him (however, she does seem to hold some feelings towards him that she’d like to ignore). After seeing Shanao doing all the heavy lifting in the previous route, it was nice to see the roles being reversed. I finished this route the quickest simply because I was so obsessed with him. Coupled with several plotholes that don’t matter too much, his route connected everything revealed in previous routes and added even more, especially regarding the story’s fantasy side. Some things I predicted pretty well, but others came out of nowhere, so it was quite exhilarating to learn the whole story.

*** MEDIUM SPOILER ZONE ***

I really liked how Tomomori’s route seemed to take a break from the war setting and had the two of them travel together. It was one of my favorite parts of Noritsune’s, so I was delighted to see something like that again. I thought the whole hand-holding thing was absolutely adorable, and I was obsessed with everything about Tomomori. I thought the ghost story scene was hilarious and showcased some lighthearted moments between the two despite literally being in the midst of war. You can tell he cares for her by helping her control her powers, which almost connects them as so few people have the same ability. Their banter is excellent, and they just seem like a couple who complement each other perfectly.

Shanao exhibits much character growth by learning about Tomomori’s perspective on things and his real-life experiences after writing him off as some wealthy noble who’s never felt struggle. It showcases the hidden parts of Tomomori, and the fact that he doesn’t care too much about the fairings of his family holds a contrast to Shanao, who cares deeply about hers despite being barely exposed and integrated into it. The whole “I want to see her cry” thing reminded me of Claude from I’m the Villainess, who I also love, which was pretty nice.

When the two separated, I was literally dying for them to get back together omg. When I saw all the “one month” and “several months” later, I was dying inside and felt terrible for Tomomori. First, his dad dies right before him, and then his girl runs off to the enemy on the same night 😭.

The happy ending for this route was probably my favorite since it didn’t seem so…lackluster. The whole Tokuko thing felt a little band-aidy, but what can you do, I guess. He gets a bit cringe-ishly possessive, but it seemed like it meant to play on his funny side, so I didn’t take it too seriously.

*** END SPOILERS ***

Overall, Tomomori takes the cake. The entire game pretty much builds upon the tension between the two, and the route ties together all the prior revelations. Tomomori and Shanao had the best chemistry, in my opinion, and have a great dynamic between their personalities. He’s a little crazy, but in a good way. The route integrates comedy perfectly into the game's setting and takes on some surprising twists. Throughout the route, he develops from a bit of a weird, loving creep to a fleshed-out yet slightly clingy character. All I could possibly want now is another love interest like him, no one compares 😭.

To be honest, I didn’t care too much about the side characters except for Shigehira, Tomomori’s brother, who I absolutely loved. From the moment I saw him, I was lamenting over the fact that he wasn’t an LI, but once I learned that he was one in the fandisc, it was like the world had been saved. I really enjoyed Shigehira’s “If” ending since it showcases their dynamic. It reminded me a bit of Shanao and Noritsune’s relationship, since despite being rivals from opposing sides, they don’t really dislike each other and seem to care for one another in their own way. He’s a little bossy and cocky, but his time with Shanao helps him grow and mature a little bit. I’m really begging for an FD localization just for him because I need moreeeee.

I also really wish we saw more of the sibling dynamic between Tokuko, Shigehira, and Tomomori. Shigehira mentions the three of them playing together as children, but Tokuko seems very branched off from the beginning. She was pretty annoying from the start but a bit of a necessary evil and seemed to redeem herself somewhat.

Two “prominent” side characters were Tadanobu and Tsugunobu, vassals for Lord Hidehira in Oshu. Tadanobu’s the goofy and flirty one, while Tsugunobu’s the more soft-spoken and wise one. In my opinion, they didn’t add too much to the story that a random extra couldn't have…they were kinda just there for some occasional comic relief.

Takatsuna is Yoritomo’s young retainer and probably the game's youngest character. I didn’t care too much about him in the actual game, but I thoroughly enjoyed his “If” route. He seems pretty nice, but that’s it.

One character I wasn’t a fan of was Yasuhira, Lord Hidehira’s son. I’m not really sure why Yasuhira even got a sprite since he was pretty much irrelevant throughout the story. He only seemed to complain for a couple lines about Shanao, and that was the extent of his character. I wish his sprite was used by the emperor instead or something.

Overall, I liked Birushana quite a bit. While Tomomori and Yoritomo really took the spotlight, Benkei and Shungen were a bit lackluster, and Noritsune was kinda neutral. Something that really amped up my impression of the game was the insane directing. The developers exceeded my expectations with the action scenes, which were captivating and full of movement, which doesn’t seem too common in otome games. Everything is super animated, and the fight scenes are incredibly action-packed. The romance aspect varied by love interests, but for the most part, it was more subtle, with war and family ties being the main centers of conflict. My most significant criticism was probably the prevalence of unskippable repetition since each route seems to follow the same course, with some things changed in between. The game is excellent at slowly revealing information and building upon it, giving you just enough information to predict some parts but not enough to predict all aspects of it. To sum it up, a pretty good game. 8/10

*** HEAVY SPOILER ZONE ***

Does Shanao have a random dad, or was she reproduced asexually or something?

If Rengetsu looked like some monster creature, how come Kiyomori recognized Shanao as her?

How’d Tomomori know Rengetsu was Kiyomori’s sister if he hadn’t heard about her before?

Why’d poor Shigehira have to die in like every route 😭?

*** END SPOILERS ***

[rust-bearer]

My brain’s infected now, and I’m here to infect yours, too. But anyway, time for some Blast Off headcanons because he’s next in my list of zoning-out thoughts. Maybe I’ll get to Brawl afterwards, I don’t know.

Gonna do a numbers list (I can hear the witnesses of this future post screaming):

1. He gives me MAJOR middle child vibes. Like, there’s five of them, so even the “middle” children are either gonna be second-oldest middle or second-youngest middle. Blast Off is middle middle in my head, though. Probably got left at lots of stores as a kid lmao (Hope you’re not a middle child, that’s such a horrible stereotype… even if it’s true 90% of the time).

2. Probably the most/least affected by the apocalypse to be honest. He strikes me as someone who doesn’t socialize outside his sibling group and probably doesn’t ever leave the house, but is likely very, very disappointed about all the power grids going down because now he can’t browse the dark web at three in the morning while everyone else sleeps like beings with average sleep schedules.

3. I bet anything First Aid probably assumed there were only four Combaticon brothers at first. Several weeks into staying at the farmhouse with everyone though, he’s at the sink filtering water or something and then turns around to be met with someone he first mistakes for a zombie that somehow managed to slip into the house. It’s just Blast Off though, and he’s come down to refill his water bottle.

4. I bet anything that he’d find a way to get internet wired to his bedroom but just WOULDN’T tell anyone. Not because he’s selfish or wants to keep it to himself, but because he literally just doesn’t even consider it.

5. Someone—either Brawl or Onslaught—is in charge of making sure Blast Off gets regular meals on a daily basis, but neither one is willing to open the door and barge in like siblings normally do. Instead, they always leave it by the door and then knock as though Blast Off is some prisoner locked in their basement or something. Blast Off doesn’t complain though, and he appreciates the lack of interruptions.

6. I was gonna shorten his name to BO, like Blast Off for short, but then I was like WAIT FUCK NO DON’T DO THAT because… you know, B.O. and what not. BUT I bet his siblings call him that for short even if it’s not true. Blast Off is probably the second most obsessed with personal hygiene among the five siblings, only second to Swindle, who spends more time in the single small hardly-working bathroom than literally anyone else in the house combined.

Hmmm that’s all for now, just kind of random thoughts that accumulated. I can’t guarantee that my brain will come up with stuff for Brawl, but I should since then he’ll be left out and I’ll feel bad. Sorry Brawl.

On one hand I feel bad making them siblings in the zombie au because then you lose out on the really adorable blast off/onslaught BUT. I gotta be honest it’s funnier having him be just a neet. Black sheep of the family except it’s because he doesn’t like violence as much as everyone else (he still likes it just fine just not ENOUGH according to them)

“I can’t believe it, he spends all his time DOING STUFF ON THE COMPUTER. WILLINGLY.” (Swindle can use the computer but he pretends he hates it because otherwise they’d all bother him to do their taxes or set up Amazon returns)

Also. Brawl has such. Zero characterization in the comics that any nugget of character building given to him is doubling his lore. He’s a nothing burger of a guy. It’s sad. Give him hobbies. Or a passing interest in geology.

[icarus-suraki]

I stayed up too late, went to sleep too late, woke up too late, but the dreams were fucking worth it. I don’t know if I even have enough time in the day to type it all up.

It was like this Ghibli-like imaginary Europe but with maybe 50/50 humans and Brambly Hedge humanoid animals (human-sized). And there was this WWII-like war going on. (If you remember Tailspin from the 1990s and the classic Kiki’s Delivery Service, it was a bit like a combination of both.) I’m running around with a human friend named Liz and we’re sometimes having fun in this dreamworld version of Europe, sometimes hiding from soldiers--I was, at one point, wedged between up a gray, dead tree in a city square and some kind of giant, gray war machine behind me. But I was saved by this group of Amazon women who took me in and tried to teach me how to use a blacksmith’s hammer or a giant sledgehammer as a weapon (a sonic weapon, in fact, as their leader demonstrated and it was so loud y’all). I can’t recall but Liz and I were in this Jeep and we wound up loaded up in a giant transport tank...thing and we wound up in this mountainous desert with nothing around. Totally barren. But with all these zig-zag patterns of different colored earth all around. Yes, I was panicking.

I feel like there was a blimp involved at some point? Like it was flying wildly? My grandfather was in there somewhere and I was at my (deceased) grandparents’ house, watching this bright blue blimp flying around like mad, first through the windows then outside. Their yard was so green and there were huge berms like green walls at the front of the yard with all these ivy vines hanging down the walls. Was this the first part of the dreams? Maybe? Anyway...

Somehow I wound up assisting with this marine research project and it involved swimming with a lot of odd fish in an aquarium--sometimes catching them, sometimes trying to keep them from eating each other. Every few days it was time for the dolphins to play in the tank and when we let them out, the best thing to do was to just empty the tank down a hallway and we could ride along on/with the dolphins. The problem was that sometimes the tank needed to be filled from the tank down the hall and if you were in the tank, doing work with shallow water, when it was time to fill it again, you had to run down the hall and get out before this wall of cartoony, Peter Max, Yellow Submarine light blue water crashed down on top of you (us; there were three of us who had to run, but we made it). 

Why there were disguises involved, I don’t know? Maybe the leader of the program was a spy? I just remember him being really good at what amounted to shape-shifting. Maybe he was a spy. 

Unfortunately, that project lost funding? Or something? And I wound up with a different group that I didn’t like nearly as much. I mean, it was fine, but it wasn’t great. It seemed to be way more focused on the spy aspects and it was kind of more of a performance group. Costumes were involved? It was Robin Hood-themed? Anyway, the leader liked to show off his shape-shifting abilities, which I found obnoxious (but he did a good Charlie Chaplin, so...). Like, at one point we were on a blimp-like flying machine and we had to slide down these huge, long pieces of silk fabric to land on these huge floating (foam?) pads in a harbor as a performance. I thought it was stupid and dangerous (and it was). 

I remember, at one point, being on the blimp, riding along to or from a performance and I started crying and saying to someone else in the troupe that maybe it was time for me to try and go back home. Maybe it was time to see if my town was still there (I could see a map out the window kind of overlaid on the landscape). This was not a popular decision among the troupe--they wanted me to stay.

Unfortunately I don’t think I got there immediately? And instead I fell into this horrific Clive Barker Zdzisław Beksiński world with these maze-like manor houses made of ashes. There was a lot to do with teeth. I remember a lot of it but it’s pretty jumbled because it was so freaky. Like, I recall these women who were all red like they were flayed and wearing gowns made of red meat and they had these stacks and stacks of teeth like cubes sticking out of their mouths that were oozing a blackish liquid (like ash and water). They were, I think, the aristocracy of the place, and they were shaking and beating what looked like a child or an infant that looked just like them in order to knock the last of its teeth out and saying “It must learn to hate the dress. It must be taught that it must hate the dress.” The lowest members of this “society” were these misshapen people molded from ash and gray clay. They were essentially slave labor and would haul things to and from furnaces. Not a good way to end a dream, no. 

If I doze off, I might be able to get back more (if you can imagine that). 

[spiremire]

6 months in Interior Alaska

In August I moved 3500 miles north from Los Angeles-ish to Interior Alaska for a PhD program. This was the most nerve wracking thing I’ve ever done and also one of the most exciting. When I talk to friends and family about having moved up here, it’s pretty clear they’re picturing me living in a cabin in the woods, fending off bears and somehow a university fits in there, somewhere. Like Alaskan Bush People, with a random college campus thrown in.

Sometimes, they’ve got the right idea. But never for the reasons they think. There’s lots of stuff that’s hard to get up here. That means everything purchased in the state of Alaska comes with a hidden shipping cost built into the market price of the item. When you’re paying nearly twice as much for fresh meat and produce in the stores than the folks living in the lower 48, it’s no question why so many locals turn to hunting and foraging to stock their pantries. Yes, even the ‘city folk’. (I live in the largest urban center in Interior Alaska, but there’s only like 33,000 people living in the city limits. I think that’s what most people would qualify as a small town.)

In terms of hunting and foraging, I wouldn’t even know where to start. No one is ever willing to share where their berry spots or mushroom spots are, and I can’t eat fish and have no interest in getting a hunting license for something bigger. I don’t even have hunting experience to make something larger feasible.

Regardless of price, there’s still some things that I just can’t get up here. Furniture stores like Ikea and Wayfair make no selfsame effort to get their products up here, not even for exorbitant shipping costs. (Usually you have to pay exorbitant shipping costs to a third party package forwarding service, or something similar, instead.) There’s a Target in Anchorage, but Anchorage is 7 hours away on a good (not icy) day. I’ve been making do with Wal-Mart, but it’s not the same and I’m not thrilled about it. Amazon usually charges extra for shipping, because I never buy anything on Amazon I can get in a store, and that usually ends up being weird, bulky items because I am perpetually unlucky.

Speaking of big grocery chains, we only have 4. We have Wal-Mart, Fred Meyer, Safeway, and Costco. These are all the biggest single stores I’ve ever seen in my life and have enough departments they’re almost individual mini-malls. Except the Costco. Costco is the same everywhere. I think I’ve already mentioned being afraid to go into the Wal-Mart and that I just use online order pick-up instead? Yeah. Yikes.

A related aside: Over spring break, which was a couple weeks ago now, we had a few researchers from Portugal visit us so they could get samples at a few of the thermokarst lakes nearby, and they had a pretty miserable mishap with their luggage where all their clothes got lost in Frankfurt, Germany (their first connection), but all their sampling materials arrived just fine. So we ended up taking them to Wal-Mart to get them a few basics, and they’d never been in a Wal-Mart. They also found it entirely overwhelming and I feel vindicated. Anyway.

The familiar-national-chain pickings are slim, whether I’m looking for groceries, fast-food, or another specialty store. This isn’t to say that everything I need isn’t available. Because it is. If you can’t get it for closer-to-lower-48 prices at a national chain store, you can definitely get it from some local supplier. Only problem is, the local suppliers can charge whatever they want, because there’s no competition. Is that good for them? Yes! Absolutely. I love small businesses, and I love that this area allows them to thrive. Is it good for me? Hell no. I don’t make enough as a student to justify going out to eat more than once a month, or once every two months if I’m going to a sit-down restaurant, where the cheapest plate is somewhere between $20-25. Which is rough.

But I don’t only have complaints! There’s so many things I love about here, so far, and in the big picture, I feel like my complaints don’t even begin to outweigh the benefits. I’ve gotten a million opportunities I’d never have gotten anywhere else to do cool stuff. I got to go ice climbing, touch three million year old dirt at the bottom of a permafrost tunnel, see so many excellent showings of aurora borealis, dodge moose and bears and caribou with my car, feel -45F, or experience a full 24 hours of darkness.

I’m having a blast, but sometimes the little things make me feel more like I’m living in the woods. (Don’t get me started on the dry cabin situation up here.)

A lot of it can be mitigated by simply going to these places while I’m visiting my family in the lower 48, but I only see them once a year because I’m so busy and flights are so expensive.

[jesslovecreative]

Controlling what we can when things feel out of control (feat. new book recs)

Maintaining an environment and controlling what you can to make your surroundings and the place that you work and live less stressful for yourself can seem daunting and sometimes, impossible.

Here are some things that I have done (and used) to change my situation as much as possible while living in my parents’ basement as a single mom on minimal income. I’ve always felt the need to adjust my surroundings as much and as often as possible to reframe my mindset to feel more sense of control.

I'm someone who really enjoys thrifting furniture, décor, and clothes. I also try to create and DIY as much as possible but changing up the way that my room and work space are set up every few months really helps me reenergize and refocus. I try to minimize my belongings to reduce clutter and create as much of an aesthetic as possible without focusing on what I can’t change and instead enjoying the space that I do have at this time.

As far as home décor I use what I have, but I also try to thrift furniture when possible. Obviously a few things. I would rather buy new; like my bed spread that I got right before vacation so that when I came back from Puerto Rico I got to sleep in my own bed with brand new clean sheets, pillows and blankets. Allowing myself to kind of splurge on new things when I like the color, style, and the feel, helps me be more grounded in not spending as often or thrifting other items more.

Thrifting clothes, on the other hand, has taken me to a new level of self-love. My style changes just as often as my environment. I’ve been more graceful with myself and being open to new styles, allowing myself to change my mind and wear what feels good regardless of outside opinions.

Growing up, I always got hand-me-down clothes from older cousins and didn't go shopping unless it was for a special occasion. But now I am really enjoying thrifting different outfits and trying to find what style I like the look and the feel of. Something that's helped me with this is looking into my Venus sign and trying to embrace things that I enjoy and trying a lot of things out. Thrifting pants, skirts, dresses, baggy, tight, and different materials, always heavily leaning on some TikTok inspiration from 

TOP 3

3 of my favorite Amazon finds that I use daily

my water bottle

It's a 40 oz, but it also traps in temperature which is great for summer coming up and keeping my water cold.

my phone holder

...for my car helps keep it charged and available for jam sessions. When I am educating my 7-year-old. What fallout boy has done for this country? Just kidding kind of. 

these smart home lights

...are a lifesaver. For someone who does not live close or sleep close to their light switch. You can change the brightness. The color and I never have to worry about the big light. Cause the big light can be dimmed to help with sensory overload. Plus it pairs with Google, so it's even better than the clapper. And I can tell Google to turn my lights on and off. Schedule them for the mornings so that I know it's actually time to get up and not press snooze again.

Book Reccommendations

Mistborn - Brandon Sanderson

The Island of Missing Trees - Elif Shafak

Sometimes I Lie - Alice Feeney

Reviews coming in next week's blog!

So call me crazy when I constantly rearrange furniture, when I go wild over a good deal at the thrift store, and when I dress like I'm a 14-year-old walking into Hot Topic in 2008, but I enjoy it. These things all help me feel at peace, help me feel in control when things are chaotic, and help me express myself as I am constantly changing and gradually less willing to care what others think about that.

Each Amazon purchase from the links above gain me commission from affiliate. If you're not comfortable with that, you can find these products on amazon separately as well, thanks for tuning in.

buh bye.

[carrieneuman]

Writing Battle Practice

The contest I signed up for starts the beginning of February. I haven't written to random prompts in years, so I wanted to get a little practice in. I found a random story generator and got:

Main Character: Your character is old, cautious, and thinks carefully.

Setting: The story begins in a castle.

Situation: A family get-together is arranged.

Theme: loss

I'm nervous about the week it took me to write it when I'll only get three days for the contest, but I'm hoping the adrenaline and deadline will keep me going.

Pearl walked into the castle and suppressed a groan as her sisters oohed and ahed over the concocted monstrosity. It was a tourist trap, plain and simple. She didn’t care how good the lunch was, it would have tasted better back in the town that wasn’t trying to pretend to be something it wasn’t.

But Belle had always loved make-believe tripe, and the point of this outing was to make her sister happy. Pearl had to remember that. Belle had taken their mother’s passing hard, and it was high time Pearl chipped in and carried some of the weight of maintaining family bonds.

She offered to take a bag her younger sister Opal was holding, but she waved her off. “It’s not even heavy,” Opal insisted.

Belle and Opal’s children and grandchildren filed in. The two little ones seemed confused, but Tristan was the perfect age to declare himself a knight and start running around to guard them. The cousins were soon chatting happily, leaving Pearl and her sisters on their own.

She grimaced but smoothed it out before Belle saw. She had already endured a lengthy guilt trip to come back to Texas only a few months after Mom’s funeral. She didn’t need any additional pouting.

“Good weather today,” Belle said.

Opal nodded. “Good thing I helped Tanner caulk that window of his or it’d be mildewing in this humidity.”

Pearl wished she could just groan until it drowned out the insipid small talk. What was the point of getting together if this was all they said?

“You must be enjoying it,” Belle said to her, snapping her focus back. “Can’t have many nice days in the city.”

“You’d be surprised. There’s charm to any weather if you look for it.”

“And if you’re inside most of the time,” Opal teased.

Pearl laughed. Plenty of her friends made art in storms and winds to capture the rawness of nature, and she’d gone out many times to watch. But her own sculpting did work best in climate control.

Belle didn’t smile. Instead, she looked around for somewhere to sit. Despite her broken-in sneakers and stretch waist jeans, she was uncomfortable already.

Opal joined her on the couch, but Pearl stood across from them. It had been a long car ride, and she was used to walking.

“Take a load off,” Belle said. “Get comfortable.”

“I am comfortable.” She tried to say it nicely, but her older sister still frowned.

“Don’t mind her,” Opal said. “You know how antsy she gets.”

Pearl disagreed with that description of herself, but she said nothing since it seemed to mollify Belle. This weekend was for her sisters, she reminded herself.

There was something. “So Opal, my calendar says it’s almost Bailey’s birthday. Any idea what she wants?”

Opal’s eyebrows went up, and she smiled broadly. “I’ll send you her Amazon list.”

That would be a nice way to ease in. She had always just sent twenty dollars in a card. What did twenty-somethings even want these days?

Belle snorted. “Not just getting some hideous drawing one of your friends made?”

“Now stop that,” Opal chided.

Pearl had badly misjudged Jennifer’s high school graduation present. “I’ve gotten better,” she offered.

The kids laughed at some joke, and Pearl felt a twinge of envy. She’d have stayed in touch if any of this had ever been easy.

They moved off, following the children upstairs, and Belle pulled a stack of notecards out of her purse. She had to hunt for her reading glasses before she could start sorting them.

“Now we can get down to it. I want to make sure we’ve got a full inventory of Mom’s things she left behind. Do either of you remember what happened to that set of good forks she had at Thanksgiving four years ago?”

Pearl felt a twinge of disgust. Who cared about old forks?

“If you mean the ones with the little flowers, I think she borrowed them from Aunt Levina,” Opal said.

Belle made a note. “I’ll check with Lisa. She’ll have them if they were her mom’s.” 

“I’m glad we got that settled,” Pearl tried.

Belle flipped to another card. “And what about the watercolor Dad painted of the lake? Last I remember, it was in the guest room.”

It wasn’t a half bad neo-impressionist piece. Pearl could understand someone wanting it.

“I think Mom gave it to his friend Larry.”

Belle made another note.

Pearl hoped in vain that was the end of it, but Belle went on about annoying odds and ends that had gathered dust on end tables and shelves for years. Opal did her best to help, but Pearl just tried to keep her mouth shut.

“If you came home more often,” Belle said to her, “you’d be more help.”

Pearl bit back a sharp reply and managed to keep her voice calm. “I just think we can find a more pleasant way to spend the morning.”

“I know, but it needs to be done. I’d rather do it sooner than later.”

“They’re just old things. Wouldn’t you rather spend time with the kids?”

Belle didn’t even look up. “I see my girls all the time. I drive Tristan to swimming every afternoon, and I watch Bryson while Amanda takes a night class at the community college. It wouldn’t hurt you to get some bonding time in, but my relationship with them is rock solid.”

That one stung a bit. But it was why she was here playing tourist instead of sipping wine and enjoying a photography exhibit she had been anticipating.

Pearl looked to Opal for help.

Her younger sister smiled warmly. “Come on now, Belle. What are you so worried about then?”

“Mom.” Belle stopped and took her glasses off, blinking so her eyes didn’t water. “The grands are so little. Will they remember their great-grand?”

Pearl didn’t react. Of course they wouldn’t, and it would only set Belle off to acknowledge it.

“And what about our kids? Mine are only in their 30s, yours in their 20s. How firm are their memories of their grandma?”

Pearl remembered their Grandma Jenny just fine. She started to insist the kids would remember, but something in Belle’s face stopped her. She wasn’t done yet.

Belle looked out the window at the garden beyond. Pearl had to strain to catch her last words. “I just need to know she won’t be forgotten.”

Belle blinked back more tears, so Opal got up and joined her a few steps away. Pearl spoke in a low voice. “I’m worried about her.”

Opal nodded.

“The kids are never going to remember Mom like we do. I don’t want to see Belle work herself up over the impossible.”

Opal only shrugged and patted Pearl on the back. Of course the peacemaker would just watch how things unfolded.

Pearl asked a few polite questions about Tanner’s upcoming wedding and Opal beamed while she answered. “They even think they’ll try for a baby in a couple of years.”

Pearl couldn’t even get her happy-for-other-people’s-choices smile on before Belle let out a choking squawk. 

“The loveseat!” She was waving an old photo. “Where’d Mom’s loveseat go?”

Pearl plucked the photo out her hand and looked at it. It was wood framed with stiff red velvet cushions. “That old thing? Hopefully, she threw it out.”

Belle was winding herself up when Opal cut in. “She did no such thing. She loaned it to Cousin David. It’s perfectly fine.”

Pearl doubted that, but she kept it to herself. If David wanted the itchy block, he could keep it.

“David has it?” Belle asked. “Alright. I’ll call and ask for it back.”

“What, why?” Pearl couldn’t help herself. “No one wants to sit on it. If David wants it as a backdrop for his internet pictures, let him.”

“It’s Instagram, you old bat.” Opal laughed.

“Twitter was a ridiculous fad, and Insta is worse,” she bantered back. 

“It’s not about using it,” Belle persisted. “We need to know that everything is accounted for.”

“Dear Lord, why?” She never lost her patience like this with her friends.

“Because I don’t want either of you claiming I stole Mom’s things.”

“Abalone!” Opal exclaimed. “How could you?”

Belle’s reply was cut off as Tristan walked up to her and held out a juice box. “Will you open it for me, Gran?”

Pearl saw the rest of the group sitting around a long table having a snack. The girls must have been fussing over the two little ones because Tristan had his food a few spaces down from them.

“Just wait a minute, honey. Grandma’s talking right now.” He looked dejected, but he waited quietly.

“Lots of families fight over inheritances,” Belle went on. “But not us. I’m going to ensure everything is divided fairly so no one has any reason to get angry.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Pearl said. “But the kid’s hungry. Can’t this wait until we eat?”

Belle looked ready to argue, so Pearl walked over to Tristan. “Show me that juice box, kid. I bet I can manage it.” She got him settled back down at the table. “You want us to come eat with you?”

“No way,” he said, stacking cheese and ham on a cracker. “Gran’s too cranky today.”

She couldn’t disagree.

The toddlers were being fussed over by their cousins, so Pearl sighed and headed back to her sisters. At least they were better than small children.

“There’s nothing else for it,” Belle was saying. “I’ll just have to drive up to David’s and demand it back. Then the three of us can decide who’ll keep it. Maybe we can take turns with it?

Pearl had had enough. “No way are you putting that in my apartment. If you two want to waste space on a chair you can’t sit on, that’s your business.”

“But we need to honor Mom.”

The pain in Belle’s voice got to her, and she smoothed her tone. “And we will. But not by keeping a bunch of old junk that doesn’t mean anything to us.”

“The three of us are what matters,” Opal agreed. “Our memories of Mom are what will keep her with us.”

“And we all picked out mementos that mattered to us. Like the bluebell brooch you picked. Or the quilt Mom and Grandma Jenny made that I kept.”

“They almost came to blows over it.” Belle laughed despite her snuffly nose.

“And I got the cookbooks,” Opal said. “So I can make any of Mom’s recipes anytime you want.”

“You already did it, Belle,” Pearl said. “You made certain we wouldn’t fight and we’d take our memories home with us.”

She did start to cry then. Opal hugged her, and Pearl joined in. “What if it’s not enough?” Belle asked.

“Then we’ll fill in the missing bits,” Pearl said. “Together.”

[kellysbookblog]

Title: DAMAGE

Series: O'Sullivan Brothers Book 5

Author: Rie Warren

Genre: Dark Irish Mafia Romance

Release Date: January 15, 2024

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/202129807-damage

Bookbub: https://www.bookbub.com/books/damage-dark-irish-mafia-romance-o-sullivan-brothers-book-5-by-rie-warren

My Amazon Review: Amazing' (amazon.com)

My GR Review: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/6084346398?book_show_action=false

Blurb:

The beautiful brutal saga that began with the Krasnov bratva series and continued with the Irish O’Sullivan mafia—a syndicate clash that created a sinfully sexy alliance—comes to a dirty, hot, dangerous end here.

Low blows. Hot sparks. She thinks he’s nothing but an alpha A-hole. He’s beyond sick of dealing with all her bitchy snark. One violent night of reckoning is all it takes for them to ricochet together instead of rip each other to pieces.

DAMAGE

I exist in the shadows so no one will ever really see me. Less chance of feeling, being, belonging. Because I never will.

Then she turned up. She sees me, she sees right through me. Tugs my festering rage right to the surface and makes my black heart bleed. Now there’s no escape from the hate at all, not when I’m forced to be her friggin’ babysitting bodyguard on the daily.

DERRY

I exist in a half-life because my body isn’t fully mine. I’m the paralyzed one. The cripple. I let in small bursts of sunshine just to get through the day, and no one knows my true dark pain.

Then I met him. And he stares straight through me. My very worst impulses come out to play because he taps right into the weakness at my core. I can’t even run from him, I can’t even run at all.

One apocalyptic blizzard during one terrifying night shakes us up with startling gunfire and . . . stolen kisses. We can’t keep hiding our shame, guilt, blame, desire. But none of that really matters when the O’Sullivan mafia staggers from a blow so unexpected, everyone will stumble from the force of it.

The past is only the past until it’s not.

Buy Links: Kindle Unlimited

Universal: https://mybook.to/DAMAGE

Amazon US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CNB72PH9

Amazon CA: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B0CNB72PH9

Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0CNB72PH9

Amazon AU: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B0CNB72PH9

In The Series:

Lucky

Kelly

Dex

Bronson

→ https://mybook.to/OSullivanBrothers

Excerpt:

When Damage began to prowl closer, I quickly got my chair going in reverse. I took it self-defense lessons were done and he had something way more sexual in mind.

I didn’t get far before he stopped me only to yank me straight up into his arms.

“Put me down! You can’t just manhandle me like that!”

“I fucking can to.” He paid me no never mind, wrapping my legs around his lean hips and quickly striding through to the bedroom in the back.

He tossed me onto the mattress, and I bounced once.

I went to smack him just because, except he caught my wrist in a hard grasp, his grin absolutely sinful. “’Cause I think you like me being rough around the edges. And I get off on it too.”

“I still hate you,” I hissed as he backed off.

He stood at the foot of the bed and simply whipped his tank top up and off.

And, look, it wasn’t my fault I was completely dazed by his diabolical smirk and that muscular sweat-slick torso and the abs-for-days and a rapidly growing erection filling the front of his stupid gray sweats.

“Yeah. But I’m still hot, right?” He actually winked at me!

“You’re obnoxious, is what you are. And arrogant, apparently.” With him stalking around the bed—closer, closer—no one could blame me for the breathy quality of my voice.

No one.

Wasting no time tugging my exercise top up over my breasts before flinging it across the room, he came down on top of me.

The heat between our two bodies fired electrical impulses, but I halfheartedly tried to fend him off, beating at his shoulders and turning my face back and forth.

Chuckling, Damage braced up on one arm, his eyes crinkly and yummy. “What are you doin’?”

“I’m gross! I’m stinky and—”

He planted his face right in my cleavage, the beard rasping. “No. You’re not. You’re fuckin’ sexy.”

I gasped, arching, tingles racing outward from his warm lips caressing between my tits, his large hands cupping both mounds. “Oh my god. Are you just gonna motorboat me right here?”

Glancing up at me with his tongue stud clacking—god—he said slyly, “Maybe.”

My breath all but evaporated as Damage cruised back up, my full breasts and flushed nipples crushed by his unyielding chest. He dipped his head to deliver a smoldering, slow, intoxicating kiss.

One after another, changing the angle of his head, making hungry noises in the back of his throat, pierced tongue exploring and spreading ecstasy all through my body.

My pussy got wet so fast, oh-so greedily pressed up against the thick underbelly of his cock.

These kisses, after we’d made it a point to deny ourselves for days, made me weak. Had me whimpering.

I wanted to fight against it. Him. He’d just shown me how to defend myself. I couldn’t.

I grabbed onto those great big shoulders and held on, pushed up for more.

When he broke away to nuzzle my neck, I arched it for him.

“This is so wrong,” I whispered hoarsely.

“Feels exactly right.”

His words were murmured hotly against my skin where he licked and sucked my flesh.

So quickly, pressure and pleasure built inside me like a ticking timebomb.

I grasped him to me, sliding my hands over sleek skin and flexing muscles up into his hair as moans escaped without my permission.

“Can’t believe how much I want you.” He ran the tongue stud all under my chin from one side to the other, and I couldn’t believe my fucking chin was an erogenous zone.

But alarm bells started ringing.

“Damage wait,” I gasped out.

“What?” he mumbled at my ear as he snicked the soft lobe, destroying tiny bits of my brain function.

Then he slathered a hot sloppy scalding trail to my breast just before engulfing a taut nipple in his sexy wet mouth.

Oh my god.

Abort abort!

“Damage! I’m a virgin!”

His head snapped up, gorgeous irises dark and luminous, and braced himself on his fists. “What?”

More quietly—my cheeks on fire—I said, “I’ve never had sex before.”

All at once, the sexy intensity of his expression cleared, and that bastard started grinning at me!

“Why are you grinning, you asshole! It’s mortifying!”

Author Bio:

Badass, sassafras Rie Warren is an OG Amazon All Star author of Bad Boy books and MC romance. She delivers five star sex, suspense, and the best banter around. Her stories are one hundred percent original, do not contain fluffy plots or virgin brides, and wring every last emotion from readers to leave them with a satisfied smile. Rie’s tough alpha males are never brought to heel, but are instead healed by the feisty femme fatale of their perfect match.

She grew up in Maine, went to college in Iowa (Iowa, what?), lived in Scotland, and married in Englishman. In true roundabout fashion, they came back to the States, settled in South Carolina’s lowcountry, putting down southern roots and pursuing their arty endeavors. Tale spinner and character diviner, Rie is a lover of sleep, wine, and rude memes often involving either Disney characters or Winnie the Pooh. She is raising two teen daughters along with an entire brain full of unruly characters.

Rough-talking alpha men? Rie has that on tap.

Stubborn sassy heroines? You bet.

Smoldering sex scenes that’ll set your Kindle on fire? Check, check, check.

Keep a fan handy, you’ll need it.

Follow the signup link below to her romance newsletter for sneak peeks, new releases, first looks, and her quirky sense of humor.

And, as always, happy sexy reading to you!

Author Social Media Links:

Newsletter: https://www.subscribepage.com/riewarrenromance

Website: https://www.riewarren.com

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rie-Warren/e/B00BI1IM46

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/Rie_Warren

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/RieWarrenRomance

Twitter: https://twitter.com/RieWrites

Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/riewarrenwrites

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/riewarrenwrites/

[nella09archive]

Marriage. 89

Chapter 89: Fall Festival

After what happened at the Halloween party, Sharpner didn’t stop bring up how I should join the martial arts club. I kept telling him no, that I enjoy the debate club. I was impressed that Videl also join, instead of going back to the martial arts club. This month topic was based on the many different civilizations there were, and how they came together. A few actually caught my attention. Like the different barbarian tribes. The way the books describe these tribes sounds like someone I know.

After a long day of school and crimefighting, I made my way home. When I got home, I was greeted by grandpa, and my questions from earlier came up. After dinner, turns out grandpa was staying over for the weekend. The next day was Saturday. Mom went shopping with dad, and grandpa tried to spend time with us. That’s when I finally asked. “Grandpa, do know anything about the Mongolian?” he spit out his tea, and looked away. I was just about to ask more on the subject, till mom came home. So, I asked her the question.

“Yes. Actually, you can say that you and Goten have their blood running in your blood.” I then looked back at grandpa. “It’s kind of how you could explain why dad, and I are the way we are. Even though, I’m actually short, if you go by my mother’s side. Isn’t that what you told me, dad?” now I was left confused.

After grandpa explained that grandma was part of amazon tribe, before she ran away from home. So, if that’s the case, that would mean both my parents comes warriors. Dad is from an alien race, and mom is from an earth tribe. Later that afternoon, I called Videl about what I found out. I also build the courage to asked her to join my family for the yearly fall festival. She was shock who my grandfather was, also I was happy she said yes to the invite.

…

I can’t believe she got her dad to watch the boys. Also, the fact she’s making me go shopping with her. Especially after the fact, she was surprised that I sold a few animals, and wood. When I told her that, she got so excited, and suggested we went shopping. She soon after she made a few calls, and got me to wear something I haven’t in a long time. Casual clothes feels weird, and the look she gives me actually make my face feel hot. “Is my Goku blushing?” It just made my face hotter. Moments like this always remind me of the first time we went shopping.

As we take nimbus to West City, Chichi tells me how excited she is. I asked why, and she explain about the fall festival next week. “Oh yeah. We missed the summer one.” That’s when she hugged me tighter. “This will be my first festival back.” The rest of the trip was quiet, but I couldn’t help have a small smile. My first festival alive again, and with Goten no less.

While I follow her around the mall, I couldn’t help enjoy my wife’s enjoyment. Before I used to hate shopping with her, but now I just can’t help enjoy it. Seeing her go through the shops was a joy to watch now. The things I didn’t think I would actually miss; I missed the most. I even suggested a few things here and there. Which shock Chichi. “You sure the green would look nice?” I nod my head. Seeing her smile was just perfect.

…

Today was just perfect. Not only did Goku not complain about going shopping, he also help pick things out. I can’t believe it. He actually help pick out the perfect color for the family’s new kimonos. I even noticed a lot of females giving my husband naughty looks, and looking jealous of me. This felt nice. Almost like I’m showing off my perfect looking husband.

When we get home, Gohan asked questions. Boy, it’s been years that I had talked about that. I never really thought I would have to tell my boys, but it felt good. Once Goku helped me put what we bought away, I start to leave the room. I was going to head downstairs, to make lunch, but was stopped by my husband. “Goku, let me go. I have to get started on lunch.”

“Not until I get a kiss.” I was about to protest, till I saw the face he was giving me. I felt his thumb rub my cheek. “You look so happy today.” I couldn’t help blush, as I tell he’s the reason why. “No, I’m not.” I tell him that he is, and then I gave him a quick kiss. I tried to escape, and he holds my hips. He started kissing my neck. “Can I get another?” I couldn’t stop giggling at that. “Come on. Just one more.” I give him a kiss on the check. He lets me go, and I’m just left smiling as I went downstairs. The rest of the day went by smoothly. Videl even stopped by, to study with Gohan, and stood for dinner. Such a sweet girl.

…

This is going to be my first festival with dad. I’m so excited. After mom helped me, with my kimono, me and Goten were sitting on the couch for our parents. When mom came back downstairs, she looked so pretty. Usually mom always looks pretty, but this time she seem to be glowing. She was even wearing flowers in her hair. I never seen those before. Even Gohan looked impressed by mom’s beauty. Just then Videl came, and so, we all went to grandpa’s kingdom together.

I mostly stood close by to mom, but eventually I was allowed to go exploring on my own. There were a lot of fun games, and I even played with other kids. But as I played, I started hearing whispers. “Did you hear? He finally came back.” “I wonder why he stood away longer this time.” “I bet she finally had enough and forced him back.” “She probably finally admitted that she’s awful at being a single mother.” The grownups were even laughing. And whenever I tried to find out who was laughing, all the grownups had turned away.

So, I went in search of mom. When I found her, she and dad were on a bench. He was wiping her tears, and telling her it was ok. Dad looked very upset about something. That’s when I noticed that Gohan and Videl was also there. I walked over to Gohan, and asked what happened. “Nothing to worry about squirt. Are you having fun?” I told him yeah. Well, until, I heard grownups talking about someone. That’s when Gohan’s smile went away, and dad really looked angry.

“Goku, don’t. Please.” When I looked over to my parents, mom was holding dad’s hand. He was standing, and looked very angry. What’s going on? “Goku, it’s ok. Lets just enjoy the rest of the festival as a family.” He gave mom one more look before nodding. As we went back, dad still didn’t look relax. So, I tried to grab his hand. Lucky for me, when he looked at me, he started smiling. He then picked me, and we went to play games. The rest of the festival was fun. On the way back home, I had fell asleep in dad’s arms.

…

When we got to the festival, dad insisted that the girls go ahead of us. And that they should take Goten, too. I was going to ask what he was planning, when he suddenly dragged me along somewhere. We soon came upon a small booth, with cups stacked up. “Oh, I must be going insane. Is that really you, Goku?”

“Yeah. In the flesh. I see you still run this fun game.” They both laughed. Who was this guy?

“So, I assume you want to try your hands on getting this year’s prize?” The old man began to chuckle. “Well, I do have 7 years’ worth of prizes. How bout I let you take 7 shots. On the house.” He held a big smile.

“I couldn’t. Besides I’m not the one who’s going to be playing.” The old man looked confused, till he saw me. He then smiled, and placed 7 small balls on the counter. “Is it still 50 yen?”

“Na. It’s on the house.” Dad told him thanks. Then dad looked at me, and told me how this game worked. Before long I was walking away with 7 boxes. I was still in shock that dad made me do that. I was even surprised what the prizes were.

“So, that’s how you got mom the crystal flowers.” Dad was blushing as he nodded. “Thanks dad.” As we went in search of the girls, we couldn’t stop over hearing the gossip going around. These people still can’t say anything nice about dad, or mom. When I looked to dad, he showed signs of being upset. He then said that we better hurry, and find mom. I nodded, and we followed her ki. When we found her, Videl was holding her back. When I looked across from them, there was a lady holding her nose. You can tell she was bleeding. Oh boy. This is bad. Mom heard the whispers, or that lady got in mom’s face.

I then felt dad’s ki was raising, and when I looked next to me, he was flickering. Oh no. Not good. I quickly tried to help Videl, and got mom. Dad followed as I tried to find a bench mom could sit on. When we got away, was when mom finally started crying. Also, dad just went full on super sayian, and looked ready to go back into the festival. Not good at all. I had to quickly pull dad’s attention back to a crying mom. Before long, dad was trying his best to calm mom down, and that’s when Goten appeared. When he told us that he heard people whispering about someone, dad got upset again. Thankfully mom stopped him. Once everyone was calm, we tried to enjoy a bit more of the festival.

Afterwards, I was flying with Videl to her home. It was silent for a while. “I’m sorry about that.”

“About what?”

“What happened with mom. The villagers always used to talk about my parents. I actually thought they stopped after the cell games. Guess I was wrong.”

“Don’t sweat it. Beside that lady had it coming. Saying stuff how your mom is only dressing up, because she finally dragged your dad back. I actually was going to punch her.” We then both smiled. “So.” I looked at her. “Are you going to tell me what’s in that bag, you been carrying around?” That’s when I finally remembered what was in my hands. I felt my face start burning, as I tried saying how it was for her. We stopped flying, and she took the bag from me.

I felt my anxious as I watched her open the bag. When she pulled out the first box, I could practically hear my heart beating in my ears. When she opened it, she looked shock, then her face became unreadable. She then put it back in the bag. Oh no! Does she not like it? I started to panic, and failed to noticed that she flew closer to me. When I did notice she was super close to me, I could still see the unreadable expression. She really doesn’t like it.

…

When we finally got home, I placed Goten to bed. Afterward I met with Chichi, in our room. I was still highly upset on what happened. I just couldn’t believe it. The moment I walked into our room, I was greeted with arms holding me. I looked down and saw that my little wife was crying. I hugged her, and rubbed her back. I still can’t believe those people still talk bad about Chichi. Even worst that the boys were there. I started feeling my anger raising again. They made Chichi cry. They spoke badly about her around the boys. It always got me so mad when they did that around Gohan. And now they have the nerve to do so around Goten. I thought they would have stopped, especially how Piccolo stood up for Chichi. When I did it, nobody listened. When he did it, everyone went quiet for a long time.

“Goku.” I snapped back to reality, and looked to see Chichi looking up at me. “Want a snack?” I was completely thrown off by that. I said no; how I just wasn’t in the mood. She then looked even more upset. “I said. Do you want a snack?” Uh? I tried saying no again, only for her to start crying. I finally said yes, and we went to the kitchen.

Snack ended up being a full meal. She sat on my lap, and fed me. Every time I took a bite, she kissed my cheek. I also fed her, and kissed her cheek. It was a nice peaceful moment. Soon enough Gohan walked through the front door. He had a big smile as he walked to his room. Guess Videl liked it. After the food was done, I carried Chichi to our room. “You feeling better?” I told her yeah, and kissed her forehead. “We’re officially never going back there again.” I agreed with her.

When we got to our room, I was about to carry her to our bed, when she whispered that I should lock the door. Well then. I excitedly lock the door and asked what else she wanted. We ended up taking a quick shower together, before I had her all to myself, in our bed. As I loving thrust into her, she wouldn’t let my lips go. This was a very good ending to an awful day.

…

I can’t believe it. During the 7 years Goku was gone, nobody said anything. I did notice the pity looks everyone gave me. But I always paid no mind, as I made sure the boys always had fun. But the first festival Goku is back, everyone starts talking again. And one person had the nerve to speak badly to my face. Thankfully Videl was there. I know I was extremely upset, but when I saw how it affected Goku it made me feel even worst. Goku hates it when they talk about me, and even worst around Gohan. Not only was he tried to calm me down, I tried calming him down. But when Goten said that, it really angered Goku.

My dear husband. I’m so happy that Goten didn’t leave his side, as we tried enjoying the rest of the festival. But the moment we came home, I could tell it still bothered him. He went to tuck Goten to bed, as I went to undo my hair. When I heard Goku coming upstairs, I waited for him by our door. He tries so hard to make everyone happy, so I’m going to do the same. He’s so upset that he doesn’t want to eat. That just won’t do.

I finally got him to eat something. I was even sitting on his lap, as I fed him, and kissed his cheek. His mood was starting to improve. He even started feeding me, and giving me kisses. The moment Gohan came home, he was smiling, which made us smile. As we watched our son, make his way to his room, we couldn’t help smile at him. “Our little Gohan is growing up so fast.” I then felt a kissed on my neck. I looked to Goku, and he held the sweetest smile. “All thanks to his wonderful mommy.” I felt myself blush at that. I tried telling him that he also helped. “No. You did most of the work.” I shook my head and kept saying how he also helped. He then kisses my lips.

After we finished eating, I went about washing the dishes. Goku even helped. The moment felt super peaceful. I was quite happy, and when I looked to Goku, he looked happy too. “Almost feels like nothing ever happened to our family.” I then felt him kiss my forehead. “I sometimes wonder if this is what it would have been like if everything didn’t happened.” He then hugged me from behind, and kissed my neck. He sway us back and forth, and kept kissing my neck. It soon ended up with him carrying me, and sharing kisses as we made our way to our room.

Inside I told him to lock the door, and then we went to take a shower. Inside the shower he cleaned me. Well, not at first. But every touched was gentle, and the way his fingers worked me was madding. He was also nipping and licking my neck. Especially given extra attention to his mark. “I love you.” I told him I love him too. After the shower, we ended up on the bed, where he showered me with love. I didn’t want to let him go. As he thrust into me, I kept his lips to mine. The rest of the night was peaceful as we snuggle together.

…

She kissed me. It threw me off guard, but it made me so happy. So, she did like it. When we made it to her home, we ended up talking in her room. I don’t know how it happened, but I had in my lap as held her close. Holding her like this felt super nice. We were just talking about different topics, even about a project that was coming up. She would sometimes even kiss my cheek, and I felt my cheek burning.

When she kiss me again, I turned my face in time that our lips touch. It felt electric. We kept dropping kisses on each other’s lips. Soon our tongues dance together, and my tongue tasted all inside her mouth. When we finally parted, we were breathless. Plus, her eyes looks so dreamy, that I could just get lost in them. Without thinking, I pressed my lips against hers again. We kept kissing till we heard a knock at her door. We started to laugh, as I let her get the door. It was her dad, and I greeted him. He gave me a funny look, and then said I had to start leaving. I gave Videl one more hug, before I flew out the window.

As I flew home, I was so over the top happy. Not only did Videl like what I gave her, she also kissed me. Then we ended up having our first make out session. Today was full of so many emotions, but it ended on a high note. Once I was away from the city, I started doing summersaults in the sky as I continued flying home. “YAHOO!”

When I finally got home, I saw that my parents we downstairs, but I paid them no mind. As I basically skipped to my room, I couldn’t stop the smile on my face. Once inside my room, all I could think about was Videl.

-----

Ch88

[hollymbryan]

Blog Tour + #Excerpt: VAMPIRE WEEKEND by Mike Chen! #HTPbooks

Welcome to Book-Keeping and my stop on the HTP Books in-house blog tour for Vampire Weekend by Mike Chen! I’ve got all the book and author details for you below, along with an excerpt from the book.

About the Book

title: Vampire Weekend author: Mike Chen publisher: MIRA release date: 31 January 2023

About a Boy meets What We Do In The Shadows in the next fun genre-mashup from Mike Chen, featuring a punk-rock vampire learning to connect to the world again when her surly teenaged grand-nephew needs her, and her music, to get him through a tough time.

Louise knows first-hand that vampire mythos is all a lie. After all, she IS a vampire, and it doesn’t involve glamour, speed, flying, or anything Anne Rice wrote about. Instead, it’s actually pretty boring and quite lonely -- the best part about it is the longevity, which Louise uses to go to see as many cool bands as she can. But all that changes when Louise’s estranged brother Stephen arrives at her door with his 12-year-old grandson Ian.

Ian’s father has recently been killed in a car accident and his mom is battling late-stage cancer. Stephen and Ian have taken a road trip while Ian’s mom receives treatment, and while they thought they’d find a long-lost relative, they get Louise -- who explains her youthful appearance with a story about her relation to theme. Louise empathizes with the young boy and invites him to stay for a weekend. Together, they bond over their love of music, playing guitar late into the morning. But when Ian learns her secret, he asks for something more than guitar lessons: He asks her to make his mom a vampire to cure her of cancer.

Problem is, Louise doesn’t wish this loneliness on anyone. And a bigger problem -- she can’t turn anyone. Only rumored elder vampires can do so, and she doesn’t even know where to find them. In an act of defiance, Ian runs away. As Louise pursues him, she comes across a path to these elder vampires -- and a secret that could change how vampires view life and death forever.

With Ian missing, vampires on his tail, and a possible family squabble to finally reconcile, Louise hits the road to set things right -- and discovers that caring about someone else is the most punk rock thing in the world. Especially for a vampire.

Add to Goodreads: Vampire Weekend Purchase the Book: Bookshop | B&N | Amazon | Indiebound

Excerpt

CHAPTER 2

VAMPIRE POWER MYTH #2: We can bite into anything.

In movies, veins pop like a balloon hitting a nail. But in reality? Kids constantly bonk into sharp objects and get light scrapes. Construction workers work around nails and metal, but somehow buildings go up without anyone bleeding out. I worked in a hospital, so I saw this firsthand.

In practical terms, biting someone for blood was not easy. Newly turned vampires don’t exactly have functional teeth. A gradual sharpening takes place over the course of a week, but we’re not the instant kill machine from movies.

The so-called “vampire attacks” in the news? Sounded like algorithm-driven clickbait to me. And that was exactly how I thought about it—or didn’t think about it—when I got to work.

Because today was a blood day. And blood days were liter­ally life and death for me.

Not that I gave off that vibe. Instead, I went about my busi­ness, pushing my janitorial cart into the blood bank of San Francisco General Hospital. The automatic door shut behind me, my cart’s squeaking wheels announcing my arrival to Sam, the department’s night manager, and some staffer who looked more on break than actually working. They leaned over a monitor, attention pulled away by whatever was on the screen. Which worked to my benefit.

Some vampires worked with blood volunteers—usually fe­tishists who gladly let someone feed off them, likely thinking it was a kink or a new obscure fad diet rather than real vam­pire sustenance. That still involved the wholly unhygienic and socially awkward process of drinking from a live human. Un­derground dealers also existed, pumping blood from their arms into a bottle for an in-person transaction.

Me? I went with blood bag theft.

Which, to be fair, I held zero guilt over. Did you know that hospitals waste about 25 percent of blood bags every year? Thus, my weekly pickup during my janitorial rounds hardly made a dent. It all fell within the normal range of lost, misplaced, or expired. In fact, the managers viewed me as helpful for bring­ing the soon-to-expire bags to disposal. If some happened to make it into my backpack along the way, no one was the wiser.

This, of course, assumed that there were actually blood bags to take.

Today, the usual inventory of expiring blood bags was empty.

As in, nothing on the shelves. Nothing to deliver. Noth­ing to steal.

Nothing to feed from.

In fact, even the main storage units for in-date blood bags appeared low.

Any stress from the Copper Beach audition evaporated, as things do when food sources suddenly disappear.

I paused the music on my phone and pulled the earbuds out. Some things required a little more professional behavior. I began scouring the other storage possibilities when I overheard the words the vampire community feared the most.

“I swear, it’s a vampire.”

Eric constantly preached that if humans did discover us, rac­ists would find new reasons to fearmonger, while scientists would capture us for all sorts of poking and prodding. Given that we’d all managed to abide by this for centuries, it seemed like a pretty good suggestion to follow.

My hands squeezed the cart’s handle tighter as I listened.

“That’s ridiculous,” Sam said, shaking his head.

“No, think about it.” The man turned, the tag on his scrubs revealing the name Turner. “After everything we know about viruses these days, who would actually drink blood? Only vampires.”

“Okay, look,” Sam said, rubbing his cleft chin. “You’re as­suming someone drank this guy’s blood—”

“Police said he’s missing about ten ounces of blood. Same as the other two attacks.”

“Alright. Let’s assume someone—or something—drank ten ounces from that poor guy. They said his neck looked chewed, dozens of stitches needed. If you’re gonna believe something ridiculous, go with a werewolf.”

Suddenly, that headline didn’t seem like simple clickbait. Ten ounces. Roughly the same amount my body needed daily, though half that offered cranky survival. So that was the typi­cal amount a vampire needed to sustain until the next feed­ing. And the chewed neck like a werewolf bite? That was a real concern, not because werewolves were real (they’re not), but because biting into a human was not easy.

In theory, you first had to properly locate the carotid artery, then make sure it was easily accessible by positioning the head and neck the right way. Then you needed a well-placed bite—millimeters of accuracy here, from an angle where things are hard to see. I challenge any human to try and bite precisely into a piece of Red Vines stuck on a loaf of sourdough to gauge its difficulty. This was in addition to the fangs’ fairly mediocre ability to puncture.

Biting humans was messy. Factor in an especially scared nondonor human and tools to make the process smoother and, well, the result could easily be mistaken for werewolves.

With the hospital’s blood shortage, their conversation ratch­eted my anxiety enough for me to mutter, “Oh shit.”

That little phrase pulled Sam and Turner away from the screen. Their desk chairs creaked as they turned my way, the headline—San Francisco’s Latest “Vampire Attack” Victim Stable In Hospital—now clearly visible on their monitor.

If there was a fixer working in the community, they weren’t doing a great job.

“Oh, hi, Louise,” Sam said. “Need anything?”

Blood bags. A safe community, one without rogue vam­pires possibly revealing ourselves to humans. While I was at it, someone to play in a band with—human or vampire—though right now neither seemed to be working out.

“No pickups today,” I managed as I pushed the cart through. “What pickups?” Sam asked, his thick eyebrows furrowing. “Expiring blood to pick up on second Fridays. You know,” I said, switching to a very bad generic European accent, “because I’m a vampire and I need to drink it instead of biting people on the neck.” That joke always worked, but doubly so today. Both men laughed, and I almost held up claw hands for emphasis. But no, that joke belonged only to me and Marshall. “I knew it,” Sam said, “you’re the vampire attacker.” “I thought you suspected a werewolf,” Turner said, an Irish lilt to his gravelly voice. “Sorry, boys. It’s a little more boring than that. Management tallies these and I don’t want to piss them off.” That was a lie; I knew they didn’t because otherwise I’d never get away with my theft.

“Right, right. Let me go check in on that.” Sam stood and went to the computer on the far desk, his leg catching his chair enough to kick it over a foot. “You’re right, our last delivery was low. Must not be as many donors. There’s a note saying this might be a thing for a few weeks but it doesn’t say why.”

Just like that, my food supply went from “comfortably fed” to “empty.”

“Cool, cool, no worries,” I said despite the onslaught of emerging worries. I built my whole life around a job that provided blood—and that dried up? Maybe in a parallel universe, I might have my own recording studio with session time paid in blood bags. But here?

I loaded my email as soon as I stepped into the hallway. My fingers mashed over the virtual keys, autocorrect pulling all the wrong words and constantly changing blood to brood, which I supposed was fitting for a vampire. The message went to the local Red Cross chapter’s volunteer manager, a request for shifts as a Volunteer Transportation Specialist.

Basically, someone who drove donated blood around.

I’d actually trained for the role when I was in between hospital gigs, but never took any actual shifts since most of them were during the day—which wasn’t impossible with proper precautions, but still uncomfortable, and required a lot of extra effort, in addition to messing up my sleep cycle. Circadian rhythm still applied to vampire life.

But this was different. If the supply saw shortages, I’d need alternatives just like the early days when I first started and had no clue what I was doing.

Which really wasn’t my fault. Because no guidebook existed for this life, and the woman who made me only came around a few times to check on me before disappearing forever. Despite the physical transformation to vampiredom creating several months of fuzzy memories, I still clearly pictured her during that last visit: a tall, pale woman with long brown hair in peak late-70s punk styling.

She’d brought weekly bottles, introduced me to a few Southern California sources for no-questions-asked back-alley blood, gave a very uncomfortable primer on feeding off farm animals in emergencies and offered a very dramatic lecture on the importance of not revealing ourselves to humans in any way. Yet, all of those came during surprise drop-ins and sudden departures, and even her final visit was nothing more than a quick hello before “You’ll figure the rest out. You’ll be fine.”

In fact, she never bothered to tell me her name. Or maybe she did and I just forgot it in my fugue state. Whatever the case, I’d have to rely on those lessons now, to ride out any shortages. I spent the rest of my shift trying to recall how many bags remained in my fridge, and how best to ration them. Hours came and went, a low-level panic setting my night to fast-forward all the way until I stepped into an empty parking garage.

Then my phone buzzed. Multiple buzzes, actually. Though I hoped it was something about the Red Cross volunteer gig, that seemed impossible, given the late hour. No, a quick look showed another text from Eric. And this time, I bothered to read it.

I’ve received a few notes tonight about tomorrow evening’s agenda. I share your concerns, but there is a plan to address this. Nothing is more important than the health and safety of our community.

Something was definitely up. A blood shortage, someone attacking humans in the wild, texts about “health and safety.” A second message loaded up, words pushing the first message off the screen.

If you want to learn more, please come to the event. In the meantime, I encourage you all to download our new community app to stream the discussion. Do NOT discuss the media’s ‘vampire attack’ headlines with anyone, not even jokingly. Blood will be served. Reply to RSVP for in person attendance.

Did I want to learn more? Of course. Did I want an app that both invaded my privacy and knew I was a vampire? No. Did I want to get involved with the vampire community?

Not really. Especially given my history with Eric. But I needed blood, and this was a source, however fleeting.

Besides, maybe Eric had forgotten about our last encounter. Still, I refused to download his stupid app. On principle.

Count me in, I typed in a reply text, complete with a little white lie. By the way, I had trouble downloading the app. Maybe later.

On most work nights, I came home just before dawn, changed from scrubs to sweats, let my dog out, and drank blood. Today, that last part remained a sticking point. Lola greeted me as usual, a pitter-patter that told me she needed a potty break. I left the back door ajar for her to go into the small backyard, then checked my blood bag supply in the fridge.

If I’d been more responsible, thorough, careful, and whatever other descriptions my parents threw at me decades ago, I’d have a managed stockpile. Instead, three bags remained, a supply for about four or five days. I could stretch it to a week, though I’d be a grouchy, tired mess. After that? Movie vampires went on killing rampages when they needed blood, but in reality, it meant fatigue and delirium.

And if that went on long enough? Death by starvation.

No wonder someone got desperate enough to bite humans.

I grabbed a mug from the cabinet, white ceramic with a faded photo of a white schnauzer printed on it; Aunt Laura’s old teacup, now used for blood. Mostly empty shelves stared back at me from the fridge, daring me to make a choice.

Did I take one now? Did I really need to drink or could I wait?

Lola returned from the backyard, hopping over the threshold with her short corgi legs, and her nails clacked on the floor as she ignored my mood and waddled past. The jingling of her collar faded as she went down the hall, and I told myself to do the smart thing. I shut the fridge door and left Aunt Laura’s mug on the counter, then followed my dog.

Light flooded the space in my music room as I flipped the wall switch, illuminating everything from the guitars hanging on the walls to the drum kit and keyboard rig sitting in opposite corners. But no dog waited for me. Instead, her collar jingled from across the hall.

The bedroom.

The hour or so before bed normally saw me noodling on a guitar, playing with different pedal effects combinations or trying to work out a lingering melody while Lola stayed at my feet. But as I stood between the two rooms, a crushing fatigue washed over me, something that I knew had nothing to do with appetite.

I peeked in on Lola, the hallway light showing enough that I could see she’d skipped the circular dog bed on the floor to leap straight onto my spot. Usually she’d wait till I fell asleep to pull that off, and perhaps she took advantage of my vulnerable state today. She stretched her little legs into the air, then craned her neck to look at me with ears up, yawning before settling back down.

Maybe she just knew what I needed today.

Instead of going back into my music room, I stepped inside and shut the door, leaving the bedroom in a complete UV protected blackout state as I crawled under soft sheets. I stayed still, the quiet silence of a moment without vampires, without humans, without blood shortages, just a happy corgi resting against my stomach and worries in my head.

Excerpted from Vampire Weekend by Mike Chen, Copyright © 2023 by Mike Chen. Published by MIRA Books.

About the Author

Mike Chen is a lifelong writer, from crafting fan fiction as a child to somehow getting paid for words as an adult. He has contributed to major geek websites (The Mary Sue, The Portalist, Tor) and covered the NHL for mainstream media outlets. A member of SFWA and Codex Writers, Mike lives in the Bay Area, where he can be found playing video games and watching Doctor Who with his wife, daughter, and rescue animals. 

Connect with Mike: Website | Twitter | Instagram | Goodreads

Thanks to HTP Books for having me on the tour!

[andrewuttaro]

Catechetical Cat (Week 52) In the End

In the twilight of life, God will not judge us on our earthly possessions and human success, but rather on how much we have loved.

St. John of the Cross

I went to the same school district from Kindergarten all the way through to my senior year in High School. There was certainly a sense of stability in this but even the longest thing I had ever participated in up to that point had to come to an end. The surreal thing about graduating from a school district you’ve been in for twelve plus years is that some of the faces of your peers are so engrained in your mind that you can see them as a child with a flip of the switch in your mind’s eye. I recalled a buddy going into the Marines who I got into a fight with in fourth grade math class. I recalled a friend I am still in contact with who had a giant afro when we were in Middle School. I recalled my second grade crush now more different from me than I could’ve imagined back then and just being happy for her next step after we walked the graduation stage. We throw our hats in the air and scatter to the winds.

This year almost saw my ten year High School reunion. There are rumors it may happen next year instead. These kinds of reunions are a ready made premise for an episode of a sitcom. I can think of three shows off the top of my head that have a High School reunion episode! There is some inherent competition to see who made it further in life. Jealousy and hilarity ensue followed by a moral lesson about age and what we value most in our lives. That friend from High School I am still in contact with wants to go to ours and if he goes I told him I would go. While these events are generally organized by the more local alumni who have something to prove I think I can endure the egos long enough to enjoy some lightly aged callbacks to the world of a decade ago… as long as I got my friend with me. We can do many things with a little help from the ones who love us.

The time spent trying to compare is wasted when you consider what you get to keep at the end. Nobody takes anything with them at the end of it all. Sure you can have fun along the way but if I am not a doctor or a lawyer that’s fine because I am still the friendly, caring dude I was when all these folks last saw me, except now I am much more mature… I would say. All we have in life is each other: and that means all we can really do in life is love. We can love those who we share this time with and that’s what’s in everyone’s eulogy anyway. They say money can’t but happiness, but I’ve met enough rich people in my life to know that misses the point just a little. Money can’t buy holiness: that incandescent quality of the people who use their lives loving others. Happiness is only ever a side effect; holiness is the thing we run after in the end whether we even know that’s what it is or not. That’s what saints are made of, and it doesn’t take a divine amount of love to be a saint.

Thank you for reading my weekly blog this year. This was a way for me to practice some focused writing each week and I do think I’ve gotten a little better as a result. It would be a splendid bonus if anyone was edified for this writing. In the New Year I’ll be focusing on the promotion of my book, the proofreading of which often gave me ideas for this blog. My new book, “How to catch feelings for Jesus” is available online at Wipf & Stock, Amazon, Barnes and Noble and other book retailers. My hope is that this may help you find the Jesus who gave his all loving us. Thank you again for the time you’ve given reading my blog and I wish you all a happy, holy, and healthy New Year!

[eunivrse]

messy, oh so messy. [armin arlert]

content warning: use of sex toys (rose vibrator), soft dom armin brainrot, voyeurism, mutual masturbation, squirting, overstimulation

word count: 1.1k

note: i hope ppl know what i’m talking abt LMFAO if you don’t, just search up rose vibrator on googs or amazon and it’ll show. this was supposed to be a thirst but whatevs

you were way too excited about getting your new little toy, playing with your pussy using it during the light of day, you didn’t even notice armin coming in your shared apartment.

he had just come home from work, walking in on you moaning from the bedroom. he didn’t catch your attention whatsoever until he closed the bedroom door with an aggressive bang, not necessarily in an angry way though.

he strolled in with your panties on the floor, your legs spread with a rose shaped toy against your clit. the sheets were drenched, your legs were trembling, and you were so shameless with your loud noises.

but the part that got armin’s pants tightening was what you were moaning about.

“armin… ah! please… please fuck me.” and it isn’t like he’s never done those intimate stuff with you, it’s just… he took delight in it.

he took delight in hearing you say from your own lips that you want him to fuck you. though the way you trembled from a paltry device, he was a tad disappointed.

he could do so much better than that.

you opened your eyes, head turning to the side to see your boyfriend looking at you with a blank stare, hand immediately paused. “are you done?” he said, expression soulless, it’s honestly terrifying.

“i-i’m— sorry. um… yeah.” you had trouble finding words to say; you were embarrassed, for one. you’ve made a mess on the bed you share with him, a big splotch of your juices pooling on the sheets, and not to mention you were screaming his name all while using a toy.

you only purchased it out of curiosity after seeing all those videos of people saying it’s a life changer. and what can you say — you’ve only been using the device for less than 30 minutes and it made you squirt three times. even something you can’t do yourself

he takes off his shirt, exposing his toned-out body. “i promise you, it’s fine. it’s nice to see you enjoying yourself, but you know…” he walked up to the bed and sat on the edge beside you.

“was it that good, baby? do you think it can make you feel better than i can?” he still had that smile on his face, taking the small toy from the mattress and examining it himself.

“no, armin. that thing is worthless compared to you.” not sure if that was a lie or not, armin is amazing when it comes to pleasuring his partner, but comparing him to a machine isn’t fair.

“hm. show me how it works. spread your legs like a good girl and tell me how great it feels.” the boner in armin’s pants was prominent, it showed a bulge on the black slacks he was wearing.

you went back in position, splaying out your legs for armin to see your glistened cunt, spreading your folds with two of your fingers with a ‘V’ shape, showing your tight little hole.

your slick rolled down from your pussy to the soft sheets beneath, taking the toy, turning it back on low, then placing the top on your throbbing clit, earning a small whimper from your pretty lips.

the toy generally sucks the living hell out of your clit, armin was just watching you quiver, legs shaking as you try to find him in your point of vision.

he gave a bright smile as he moved the white lounge chair originally placed near the window close to the foot of the bed, “how does it feel?” he sits down, legs crossed, eyes darted to your dripping pussy.

“good… s’good, baby.” it was almost a sob as you breathed for air, soft pants music to his ears. your free hand gripped the fabric beneath you, fist clenched on what you wished was armin’s hair instead.

“nn-! armin- yeah— yeah-“ fuck, you were there again. you were about to cum for the fourth time, heat rushing up to your cheeks, your voice higher pitched.

“why are you moaning my name, babe? ‘thought that thing was doing the job.” this is his usual way of getting through your skin.

borderline manipulation. beating around the bush instead of just using his words to get what he wants.

well, can you really call it manipulation if you have the same desires as him? you’ll give it to him either way.

it was so hard to speak upright, stuttering, “u-um… because… i’m imagining.. that… that it’s you instead.”

“hm?”

a shock of pleasure elicited a shriek from you. “hah- no- ah-! i’m- i’m imagining that it’s your tongue sucking my clit.”

there it is.

that’s what he wanted to hear. those disgusting words from you, the filthy, dirty words from his sweet girl.

“armin, holy shit-“ you bent your legs further against your body as you braced yourself for another orgasm, a stream of clear fluid spurting out of you and onto the bed, just a few inches from hitting armin himself.

he stood up, walking to see your face almost teary-eyed.

he sighs, taking the small gadget from your shaky hand to place it on the nightstand beside him. “it’s my turn, okay? are you up for one more?” you only nodded, too tired to even refuse, not like you wanted to anyways.

you mumble, tugging on the blonde’s belt buckle. “wanna suck your cock, please?” you didn’t even have to ask.

you could’ve been demanding and he still would’ve said yes. how could he say no to that? and not after his precious girl has said her please? he spoils you so much, and you’re always so appreciative.

“of course, baby.” he unbuckled his belt, the metal clanking as it fell to the ground along with his pants, then he slid off his underwear, your drool evident on the corner of your lips.

he was so hard, tip so pink and flushed like it’s been asking for a breath of fresh air.

he taps the head against your lips, signaling you to open up and so you do, wrapping your mouth against his lengthy dick as he shoves it inside you while he slipped two fingers inside your cunt, walls immediately clenching around his digits.

the tip of his cock reached the back of your throat, drawing out gagging sounds from you. armin’s fingers are knuckle deep inside you, letting you adjust first before proceeding.

“mhm, you’re doing so good baby, so, so good for me.” he groaned, your hand reaching towards his balls to massage it while your other was fisted onto the sheets. your eyes were half lidded, corners brimming with tears, lifting your head up to have better allowance on sucking armin off.

he plunges his fingers in and out of you, your hips trying to meet with his movements.

this was all so messy. this isn’t typically what you had planned on doing, but this wasn’t bad at all.

“fuck, yeah— oo yeah.” armin struggled to keep his pace with you as he felt his hips jutting further against your throat, and you did nothing but to take it, your tongue dragging against the veins of his cock.

he pulled out of you, your hand going from his balls to his dick slicked with your saliva as you jerked him off with slow strokes, your lips puddled with drool as you gasped for air.

“let’s cum together, shit-“ you giggled drunkenly when he curled his fingers inside you, his fingertips reaching the spot that got your eyes squeezing shut, mouth wide open, yet barely a sound could come out.

“want you to squirt on my fingers like you did on that toy, yeah? haaahh fuck yeah.” palm rapidly brushing against his cock and his fingers inches deep inside you, after a loud moan of his name and a grunt straight from his throat, he came, white substance projectiling past your face and some on the supple skin of your neck.

right after this, you left his digits soaked with your juices, a load of fluid gushing out of you, cunt leaking with a mix of cum and runny liquid.

your mouth still loose from having to take his fat cock in your mouth, you spoke as if your cheeks were sore. “mm, thank you, armin.”

he leaned in to press a soft kiss on your forehead.“no, thank you, beautiful.”

NSFW LINKS (just for visual ref, not what the ppl look like): here

[clemkruckinnie]

^^pov: robin looking adoringly at u

warnings: nothing really?? mentions of insecurity, steve is a menace

robin having a gf taller than her would include…

-the first time she sees you is at scoops

-it’s a humid summer day in the mall, so you’ve got on shorts and a tank top, talking with your friends as you walk in to the parlor

-you’re in at the request of your friend, who only went in because she’s had a crush on steve forever and wanted to talk to him.

-instead of steve, however, it’s another girl your age, eyes widening when she looks at you.

-you feel a pang of insecurity at first, but then you realize where her gaze is.

-all she can look at is your long legs in those shorts, even as she explains to your disappointed friend that steve is on his break.

-your friends leave soon after, and you promise to catch up, claiming that you wanted ice cream, so you were buying ice cream, god damn it

-you talk as she scoops the ice cream for your sundae, and as if robin wasn’t screwed enough, you laugh at all her dumb jokes.

-for once, robin throws caution to the wind, and asks for your number-to “hang out”, trying to make it so she can pass it off as completely platonic

-you, having used your sapphic spidey sense, tell her “it’s a date” with a wink, paying for your ice cream and sliding her a napkin with your number on it.

-you hear the back door open and shut as you turn around, then a loud “ARE YOU KIDDING???” from a masculine voice, and then the door flies back open.

-you stand there in shock as steve “the hair” harrington, clad in the most ridiculous work uniform known to man, gives you a once over and then sighs angrily, turning back to the breakroom

-“oh what the FUCK, BUCKLEY, SHE’S HOT!”

-robin is so fucking whipped for you, it’s insane

-be prepared for all the cheesey height-specific nicknames

-“legs, can you get me that tape from the top shelf?”

“my girlfriend, the amazon” etc etc

-robin isn’t tiny either, can i get a “power couple” anyone???

-steve making the two of you stand back to back, then making you stand back to back with him, trying to prove he’s taller than you

-“i can’t believe you got a girlfriend first, buckley”

“one that’s got a few inches on you, too”

“hey, i’ve got ‘em where it counts”

(cue you boo-ing as robin throws empty tape boxes at him)

-clothes sharing!!!!! we know robin buys her clothes bigger and she would keep doing that for her gorgeous tall gf

-even if something is a few inches short on you, she likes it when you cuff your jeans because she thinks it’s cute. win-win

-when the kids meet you they’re :O because growth spurts aside you’re still the tallest woman theyve ever seen

-(el is convinced you’re wonder woman. no one has the heart to tell her you’re not)

- -the day mike passes you up is one for the books-there’s a lot of screaming, laughing, scream laughing, and genuine joy from steve especially

-“WHAT NOW!!! WHAT NOW!!!!”

“she’s still way prettier.” robin tells him, slinging a proud arm around you, and this time it’s steve’s turn to boo her

-in conclusion robin loves tall women, @ duffer bros cast me as her gf for s5