#intrepid beans

[intrepidbeans]

If you get this on a t-shirt, and wear said t-shirt for 24 hours in public, Brian Murphy is legally obligated to say his most famous catchphrase 🎲🐓

There's only five more days to purchase stickers that will directly benefit Point of Pride, an amazing organization helping trans and gender nonconforming people financially access lifesaving, affirming care

[link in blog description]

[verosvault]

🚨SPOILERS FOR FANTASY HIGH JUNIOR YEAR EPISODE 2!!!🚨

Dimension20 "Fantasy High Junior Year"

Episode 2 "Summer Breakdown"

Timestamp: 18:08

Video Length: 1min. & 39sec.

"THE BEANS ARE DUEEE!!!" ~Murph

Riz uses his grappling canisters from his gun to try and turn the Night Yorb!!!

Murph's "Bless" coming through for him this time!!! 🙌🙌

The BEANS!!! 🫘🫘🫘

Murph "Everyone's gonna be REALLY sorry when these beans turn up three!" *Rolls a 4*

THE BEANS ARE DUE!!!

BEANS! BEANS! BEANS! BEANS! 😂

[lonestarflight]

Apollo 12 Astronaut Alan L. Bean, lunar module pilot, starts down the ladder of the Lunar Module (LM-6) Intrepid to join astronaut Charles Conrad Jr., mission commander, in their first extravehicular activity (EVA).

Date: November 19, 1969

NASA ID: AS12-46-6725, AS12-46-6726, AS12-46-6728, AS12-46-6729

[thisisnotthenerd]

and the other half of round two, the sidequests!

feel free to give reasoning/propaganda as you like!

the intrepid heroes poll

quick episode descriptions:

volcano of violence: all of the lotr parallels in one place. leiland being a cringefail after casting circle of death. markus negotiating with an eagle. the combination of grasping web and reverse gravity. balloon elf. sokhbarr raising the lava mog. the concept of galfast hamhead. efink facing her father and husband and beign conflicted

the great chase: caravan chase, mad max style on the teenager's bed. ti wants to blow up the boy. car-go and bean are remarkably effective. boomer is a boarding party. jizz balloons. lots of toy vehicles. car-go transforms with felix inside.

the horizon beyond the squall: marcid attacking a chimney. you wrote a whole song just to be mean to me. cheese, prince bitch. no kings for this captain. nat 20 medicine check to revive myrtle. destroy undead. beating a motherfucker with another motherfucker. bob's inflict wounds. ending with cheese getting a ship and the buccaneer buddies sailing off.

unfinished business: splitting up to resolve the mystery. buckster's legendary nat 20 persuasion to give advantage on stealth. daisy and the vicar sneaking in. sylvester failing at climbing the tower. lars killing the constable and pretending to be a ghost for lucretia. gangie and the vicar undulating. daisy and sylvester simultaneously arriving. shitting out of a window to "provide a cushion". daisy getting her story with sylvester's help. gangie falling into mrs. molesly's room. sylvester almost dying but getting a nat 20 death save with buckster's help. a wedding and bacchanal.

we're the heroes: one of these things is not like the others. collecting the bag of socks. jammer crying about weights. sam and philtrum. dates at the questing beast. the tournament. dream's cinderella moment. where did those mice get lithium. you don't get wet fire. i disavow you. what do you want me to tell your family. he had enough. blast him to the underworld. you can gps a phone. my girl just glinda'd your ass! that's some american magic, bitch! evan and dream lock up tallulah's wand in an orb.

i fucking love you: no one is surprised. incendiary cloud. OSTENTATIA'S DIVINE INTERVENTION ON A 19. god wants a bag from ostentatia. antiope will not submit. penny texts i'm in. nta 20 counterspell on finger of death. nonna wallace approves. katja trips a snake. i didn't even know you could trip a snake. antiope's incredible action surge turn that ends with showing her ass. sam is power word killed. that's my sister. danielle channels anima. revivify. bringing talura through the doorway in death. ending with graduation and 'take us to the book!'.

waylaid by werewolves: the werewolves are girls. zarb mini with six buttholes. chewing gum mist. fifi. shooting through the flamethrower. losing dracula. drago was the star. fifi becomes a werewolf. reading a letter in the middle of battle. florina under the carriage. enraged frenzy. i've heard of a cat scan. i make the horse fly. something seems very familiar about her. the dog is my wife! izzy holds with disappointment. a monster has been eating my letters to you.

duel on the southern lawn: rumor phase. rue writes the letter and commands wuvvy to burn it. i drank tea and went to bed. letter to wrackingspelt. rue's assistant. hob getting clocked by rue. wuvvy demanding satisfaction. andhera demanding satisfaction. wet wrestling. this is the biggest stretch of a fuckin' lifetime. nat 20 to be a slippy boy. hoisting andhera up by his taut cotton pants. accepting the hand of friendship.

yonder where the fruit do be lyin': quichei. deli's perception roll. raphaniel as a youth pastor. giant radish head. colin is covered in blue. extremely realistic fake orange. rick perry, you dog. silence. queen's losing it. raphaniel gets the orange down. banana boat guy. come on provolone! deli attacks queen pamela rocks. subtle spell shatter in the carriage. brennan kills pamela rocks again. you died for nothing. chasing and murdering the mushroom guy.

in the heart of death: brennan walks jujubee through an optimized turn. 49 damage immediately. troyánn slips. keekee starts falling. scorching ray. the devil works hard, but d20 works harder. buddy bear shoves zaria into the pit. lightning javelin in the titty. fireball. princess does like 70 damage and pushed kerwyn into the abyss. troyánn goes down. princess gets keena. nat 20 counterspell. twyla crits on morgan to end the battle.

case closed: the party converges on oblongata station once more. they're facing down the don and madam loathing, who can turn them against each other. imelda and dan flash the gangsters to wildly differing results. ivana rolls a 59 on hunch and he still comes back. elias punches his boss. dan goes down. the fix eats the key. conrad rolls a 57 [the number of heinz varieties] to bring down madam loathing. elias steals a birthday cake and runs out into the street, gets a date and reconciles his childhood trauma as he goes into witness protection.

evolution & revolution: warning the populace. pitching scam calls. driving the truck. phoebe is jaegering dr. wenabocker in a very gross maxi. the ground collapses. revenants are charmed. viola is very efficient. thorn calls lightning. tula attacks her son for 67 damage. ava attacks the groun for 109 damage and a long rest. jaysohn gets phoebe. lila fireballs. viola crits twice and kills one guy with paladin/fighter shenanigans and then kills the rest by kicking the trigger of a gun and hitting a gas tank. tula heals jaysohn, lukas, and herself a little bit. battle is over in 1.33 rounds.

[alexalessandro]

I had a dream about the bad kids and they were playing the next episode and during down time brennan says something to riz and he utters the phrase:

“Why, WHY? I earned my shit beans with chungledown bim! Not now!”

And then after a fit of laughter from the intrepid heros gorgug says “honestly riz don’t you feel bad that even if we ever encounter/fight chungledown bim he will not be looking strictly at us but beyond us? (At fabian)”

And then i woke up. I don’t remember much more context but murph was probably rolling either mystery or relationship on an evil person like maybe stardiamond

[halevren]

FHJY Spoilers || my live thoughts as I watch episode 2

HIII INTREPID HEROES!!!!!

I'm so excited for this episode guys what if we see ayda finally 🥹🥹🥹

I was watching Candela Obscura Needle And Thread earlier today and it's so beautiful to see Brennan have such a large range. From dirty traumatized soldier to GM is lovely. Miss the accent tho

"Yeah that's cool and casual" ringed mage hand is awesome

it only took 5 1/2 years to learn the game (it would probably take me longer)

THEY HAVE A MINI FOR EVERYTHING?!???! RINGED MAGE HAND MINI!!!!!

CUTTING WORDS 🔥🔥

TWO ONES DIVINATION ROLLS FOR THE WIN

Panicked his way into a rage I love grogug

THE NIGHT YORB IS BLOODIED!!!!

"Would you be interested in healing us?" Asking the cleric that is unbelievably funny

healing the van. did Kristen do repairs inside for the healing ward? I like the idea of mechanic Kristen for funsies

"I can name 10 monsters right now" just like how he can name 10 birds

Adaine going down twice sucks, my girl 😭😭😭

if they don't catch adaine I'll cry

FIG CAUGHT HER THANK GOD

ARMOR OF AYDA??!?!?!?? AYDA MENTION SHES WEARING HER GIRLFRIEND'S ARMOR OH MY GOD FIGAYDA

"My girlfriend says hello" HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII AYDA 😭😭😭

thinking about ayda kept her concentration 🔥

Duggan intervention need

bad roll murph back with a 2

The Beans Are Due

Chaos at the table over beans

FOUR ON THE BEANS 🔥🔥🔥🔥

another 2 roll..... murph..........

oh no. Fabian is getting out of the car again... last time this happened he got hurt and ended up under the car

STOP FLIRTING WITH THE MIRROR IN FRONT OF RIZ PLS

"There's nothing I can do it's the rules ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" Brennan my friend you are the rules

HE GOT A NAT ONE AGAIN. HE SHOULD'VE STAYED ONE VAN

absolutely tossed the dice by ally

"I'm always rooting for you" fabians gonna die

5D10?!?!? AND MURPH HAS TO ROLL?!?!??!!! THE MAN WHO GOT 45 OUT OF 50 ON HIS LAST 5D10 ROLL

oh thank god bad roller murph back. 22 damage

2/3 turns under the van is insane. And he just needed a TWO BOTH TIMES

Fabian isn't having a great junior year

My face hurts from giggling

Lou is so low spirits after the second time under the van. Understandable

i need some Fabian fanart where he just has rug burn on both sides of his face

Fabian not getting his kisses in and got ran over twice embarrassing

what if this is a total party wipe after the night yorb attack and Riz is just. alone. in the wheel well

NOOOOOOOOO BOGGGGGYYYYYY

did ally just get a one on concentration

TWO NAT ONES?!? AND FIG GOT THROWN OFF

murph giggling over Ally's saves being empty is so cute

this isn't good

ECAC DEAD AND BOGGY DEAD AND BABY DEAD EVERYONE IS GONE

we might need divine intervention Kristen......

oh no. oh no. Fabian is down. oh no. adaine down oh no fig is down oh no oh no

oh no.

DUGGAN IS SO COOL!!!!

fifteen or higher murph. you got this murph. come on murph come on

6................................

"The car flipping would be very bad" murph....

FLIP THE VAN 🔥🔥

i hope that van survives

KRISTEN IS DOWN?!??! NOOOO

NIGHT YORB IS BLOODIED 🔥🔥🔥

second dice thrown people being sued

Gorgug you've got this I love you

nat 20 come on

oh no. 8

NAT ONE FOR THE NIGHT YORB

"Just don't roll a one" oh no I'm going to throw up

fig you god this

NAT 20 BABYYYYYYYYYY

Gorgug. You are the greatest wizard of this age

I can't stop giggling this is so good

NIGHT YORB DEFEATED

RIP DUGGAN

2 hours left do you guys think we will see ayda I miss her

KRISTEN BACK UP

adaine please don't Perma die

MOGGY ATTACK CRIT

GORGUG CRIT

Holy shit Moggy.... That was brutal...

Push up to get up I like this new Kristen

GET UNDER THAT HOOD A LITTLE BIT. MECHANIC KRISTEN

THE BALL 🔥🔥🔥

"Is Kristen mad at me?" Cassanda.... Honey.....

Photosynthesis is back, baby!!!

"I stab him a few times just to try and feel something" oh fabian....

YAS-MAG

"Riz, we're tired" oh gorgug...

FIRE BALLLL

ripping ass fr

LOVE WINSSSS

DOUBLE CRIT GORGUG 🔥🔥

I think this is the most I've seen Murph laugh and literally cry

I love this season already I think it's my favorite already

"I think it's meaningful in your friendship with Fabian"

So tactical, so late. I really do need that on a shirt

"What do I add to 'crush with motorcycle' "

Fabian is so unlucky with love. No kisses for him

WHO IS THE PATRON FOR FIG?!??!??

SQUEEM

Balthazar is all around us.

Photosynthe-kids

"That little... Handle?"

THE DRY GUYS

"Just because I don't trust you" I wouldn't trust Brennan either after what happened 😭

BACK IN ELMVILLE WILL WE SEE AYDA?!?!!!?!?

cottage cheese a la mode

AN IN AND OUT DEAL

HEY GIRLIE HEYYYY GIRLIE

GILEARRRRRRRR

omg is the fortune cruise thing for Gilear part of the Fig deal omg

OH MY GODDDD GILEAR PROPOSED OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

oh Fabian is absolutely going to have parties. MORE CRAB PARTIES!!!!!!!! CRAB KING

For a couple months or a year 😭😭

GILEAR BECOMING LUCKY

Fabian having to roll to remember where the fridge and glasses are is so goddamn funny

LAWYER SKLONDA

omg I have the same hair cut as sklonda

ohhhhh Riz....... He just wants everyone to stay together.... oh honey....

aguefort academy extracurriculars.... please can we have bowler Riz. Just for me. No other reason. FOR ME.

"You do everything for other people, and I want to make sure you don't get your hear broken." sklonda.....

MAKING A BOARD BABE

THE THISTLESRPINGS!!!!!

ZELDA'S DAD BROUGHT A BOX OF HIS STUFF BY???????? ZELDA AND GORGUG BROKE UP?!??!?!! RIP

CHRONOMANCY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MAGIC

BED BREAKS GORGUG OUT

MORDRED MANOR... WILL WE SEE AYDA?!?!?!??!?!??!!!!!?!?

RAGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

SANDRA LYNNNN

where ayda. where ayda. where ayda aguefort

SQUEEEEEEEEEMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

"You're both dangerously close to being expelled" JAWBONEEEE

"It's a very bard thing" I will use that excuse for everything

I really relate to Kristen because I also had trouble finishing things in school

A sick year 🔥🔥🔥

oh my fucking god Arthur is having daddy daughter bonding time does this mean we won't see ayda oh my god oh my god

NEW AYDA ART OH MY GOD

"with the help of my beloved Paramour, Figueroth Faeth" UGLY CRYING RN

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AYDA IS GONE WHYYYY

"Our fucking romance is so fucking epic" I love them. I want to experience a love like they have

Balthazar (parody of "how bizarre")

tracker wants to get in touch....trackerbees...

OH MY GOD AELWYN BECAME A TEACHER???? AND HER ART HAS SO MANY CATS?????? CAT LADY AELWYN????

aelwyn put a protection around adaine 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 UGLY CRYING

her stomach gurgles painfully????!?!?!?!!?

"Do you if acid reflux can be a curse?" Yes. It is a curse (I am a person who had bad acid reflux and have to take medicine for it daily or else I will hate my existence)

Oh my god. Oh my god. Is Fig changing into Gilear? Oh my god did she and Gilear change lucks? Oh my god

NOOOOO NOT THE FISHNET

"No. It's better this way." "How?" 😭😭

"KRISTEN'S EX" TRACKERBEES IS OFFICIALLY OVER 😭😭😭

Buff Kristen is the after effect of the trackerbees breakup. Baby's first lesbian breakup fr

SOMETHING JUST HURT HER????

I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER WEEK 😭😭😭😭😭😭

wait Porter is kinda hot

thanks for listening. if you read all of this I love you and will give you a nice strong hug

[jq37]

I'm really glad you've seen Starstruck, because it means you have the context for this. Every disastrous decision made this episode, were THOSE the stupidest things these people have ever done? I thought 'my farts smell awesome' was the lowest they could go, but look at that, they collectively found another layer beneath that. This has to be the biggest L the Intrepid Heroes ever took. Outside of a TPK, losing a Mcguffin is as rough as it gets. The RNG giveth and the RNG taketh away.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OK, now that I have that out of the way, holy hell that last episode took a full year off my lifespan I think. Murph saying that it was like Fabian's Bad Day on a loop was right. I've never watched an episode of a ttrpg and thought, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" so consistently. Even after watching the Adventuring Party I'm not 100% confident I understand what some of those moves were about. I am going to try and break down by thoughts on each interaction, roughly in order from least to most baffling to me.

*Red and the Beast*

If this was as crazy as things went, it would have been a pretty normal episode. I fully understand why Ylfa would want to talk to the Beast being a monstruous princess and all. And Emily's side-motivation of wanting to maybe get some potions that would help them travel without freezing to death made sense as well. Sure it was a little awkward, but in the way that all pre-teens are sort of awkward around people who they think are cool. She didn't spill any serious beans or burn any serious bridges. This one gets a pass from me. 

*Ger and Elody*

It probably feels like I'm ranking this pretty low. And I am if we're talking in pure terms of cause and effect. Because loudly and weirdly spilling the beans the way that he did was a TERRIBLE move tactically and DEF alerted the princesses to their plan. BUT I wasn't CONFUSED about why it happened. Ger had a thing to do that made sense--find out if his wife was in on the erase everything plan and fill her in if not/try to convince her to switch sides if so. He had a reason to get frustrated and do something stupid. This was, in my eyes, a good plan that went poorly because of bad dice rolls and Murph's commitment to character. So while it was VERY unfortunate, I'm not actually confused about why the desperate frog man who is known for being awkward was weird and awkward to his wife in a dire situation so it didn't really frustrate me in the same way that some of the other scenes did. We also got one of one only pieces of new information in this episode--that it doesn't seem like Elody is in on the plan (though with his trash Insight rolls, who even knows). I wish he'd taken Roz with him to back up his story right away (and give him advantage of dice rolls). I also wish he'd brought Roz with him so she wasn't able to do her own solo mission. Speaking of...

*Roz and Snow*

This is not a conversation that needed to happen tactically. I was like, why is this going on? Just because everyone is having a little chat doesn't mean you have to have a little chat too. I will admit that by the time I got here, I was feeling so much second hand cringe that I missed a bit of the conversation. But I do know that Roz told Snow that she told the entire group about their chat and that they were fine with it. WHY TELL HER THAT??? The plan was clearly told to Roz with the understanding that it was for her ears only. Why immediately be like, "So I talked it over with the squad..." You're showing your hand! You're telling Snow you're not really aligned with the Daughter's of the Crown. If you were going to talk to Snow, why not try to figure out what the actual plans are wrt the erase the world endgame? They really don't know anything about the specifics of the plan. Just some nebulous talk about spilling ink. Why is no one asking questions about this? How are they supposed to stop a plan they don't understand?  Anyway, I think this conversation didn't need to happen and while it wasn't as disastrous in effect as Ger's convo, his had a good reason for happening while I don't think this one did which is why it frustrated me more. 

*Pinnochio and Cindy*

OK so this one frustrated me a TON because it had so much potential for getting information and moving the story forward but that's not what happened at all! As a sidenote, I was surprised but excited when they showed up at the castle and the Snow Queen fight was already over offscreen because I was like, "Man! We're going to get so much good information next episode!" Haha, nope! This conversation started off really strong with Pinnochio saying that they're kinda step-sibs which I thought was a great opener and something I hadn't really considered. I thought he was going to maybe bring up how the stepmother's goal seems to be fucking with stories (in a similar way to what they want) and seeing how she reacts. Or maybe following the thread about how she ALSO feels like she doesn't have agency in her story because she's a puppet of a narrative without even a name. And I don't want to assume but seems like Brennan was giving him the opening to go there like when Cindy was talking about "her own story" and Pinnochio was like, "She doesn't have one" Cindy seemed willing to talk down that thread but it was dropped really quickly. And this whole conversation had such a dissonant vibe where it was like Cindy was in Crown of Candy and Pinnochio was in Fantasy High or even Starstruck in terms of seriousness. Which, from a comedy standpoint, was extremely funny but from a narrative standpoint was like, Pinnochio...I'm begging you...please...ask her one direct question. Lou said he was playing up Pinnochio's childishness because he's a child in a weird situation which, sure I guess. But man. It was a very funny scene but not very narratively fulfilling.

*Pib and Cindy and a Window*

Pib readying the horses? The most competent move of the session! Pib unilaterally deciding to try to push her into her book? Why???? Like, OK. I wouldn't have told her about the book if I was Pinnochio--at least not without consulting the group. BUT once the proverbial cat was out of the book, why not let her have it? It might give her some perspective she doesn't already have and you might be able to sway her into being an ally. I feel like Cindy and Snow while true believers in the plan, aren't beyond reason. They don't strike me as gung ho about the entire situation. They give me the energy of people who are exhausted and on their last resort. I honestly feel like there is a world where this is all salvageable if they'd let her have her book without going full hostile. Maybe it's not the most LIKELY option. But I think there was a chance. But nope. Initiative. Even if they'd gotten her in, what's the next move? You're in a palace full of her allies and none of you have rolled more than a ten all session! Were you going to hold her hostage and run? Like, bruh. If they wanted to leave, they should have just left! Why did they make a whole production about it? I swear, they stayed in the castle the exact worse length of time. Not long enough to get any info, but too long to leave gracefully. Anyway, I thought this was a wild decision to just make. 

*Princess Interlude*

This isn't a part of the breakdown. This is just something I wanted to talk about. We really don't know how much the princesses know about The Situation and that's a big piece of the puzzle for us to know how BAD of a plan this is with the info they have. Because one of the few things we learned this episode is that Cinderella is surprised that the Stepmother doesn't have her own book. If they think that each person has their own book and they can write themselves out of existence without it affecting anyone else then this is actually a suicide pact and not a murder-suicide pact which still isn't GREAT but it's not WORLD ENDING which is decidedly less selfish. I still think it's an insane thing to try without having a full understanding of their world but if you're only playing with your OWN lives, then that's your right. 

And wrt to the PCs, since they were spilling the beans left and right, why not be like, cool. Ink spilling. Great plan. Now what about the Auroratory?  Because their stories don't just exist in ink. They're oral tradition, baby. I'm sorry you don't like your lives but ink spilling isn't going to solve everything. 

Finally, I need to go back to past episodes where the princesses are lamenting to be sure, but I'm honestly not 100% sure what it is they're so distressed about. There is an element of fighting for free will but I'm not sure what it is they think they don't have control over. Because surely if they had no free will, they wouldn't be able to fight their stories at all, right? And if it's just that they're stuck with all their memories from all their lives, Witches do that all the time, right? Can they just not handle the Everything, Everywhere, All At Once lifestyle because they're not inherently magical and they're cracking under the pressure? From what I remember from the previous episode, it sounded like Cindy and Snow were distressed over the *existence* of dark versions of their story which is why they wanted to destroy everything completely. But also, isn't darkness just a thing you have to accept if you're going to have free will? And also, I don't know that it makes sense to destroy the entire world just because there are timelines where bad things happen (especially when the worst things don't even happen to them). Who awakened these princesses in the first place? Based on the introductions, we're led to believe it's Cindy and Snow who were the first ones, but now that we've met Rapunzel, I have my doubts. And speaking of her, back to the list.

*Tim and Raps*

Tim what were you THINKING?????????

God, where to begin. Ally said they weren't sure if Raps was in on it or not two APs in a row which is baffling to me because I thought Brennan telegraphed it pretty hard that Raps was both very clever and very fake. We first hear about her trying to deceive the Baba Yaga (one of the SCARIEST NPCs who even DEATH doesn't fuck with) and getting away with her tongue intact. Then, on a really high insight check, the party learns nothing about her, except that she's so shiny you can't really read her. Suspicious as hell. THEN, we learn that she has hair that's everywhere that can potentially be used to spy on people. And when she describes murdering the Snow Queen, she says it in the most politician-y, obfuscate-y, side-stepping culpability way possible. YEAH. I THINK SHE'S IN ON IT. I am floored that it wasn't obvious that she was full team nuke everything. The twist to me would be if she was secretly GOOD. I was wondering if the was the actual mastermind, I didn't even realize we were discussing whether she was IN ON IT.

But like, OK. That aside. Whether you are going in thinking she's good and misled or fully in on it, THIS WAS AN INSANE WAY TO HANDLE IT.

DIRT IN THE SHORTBREAD???? TIM!!!!!!

If she's GOOD and just awkward from how she was socialized you're being weird and aggro to her. 

If she'd BAD and being manipulative you're being super clumsy and antagonizing her. 

AND THEN SHE STOLE THE BOOOK!!!!!!!

My heart SUNK when Brennan revealed that. Like, GOD I didn't think that could have gotten worse and then it did. 

And it's made worse because this is 100% a conversation that didn't need to happen. If I walked in and Raps was there, at most I would ask her about how her hair worked so we maybe knew for tactical reasons. That's not a crazy question to ask a person with magic hair that's everywhere so she wouldn't necessarily have a reason to be suspicious. And then guess what? I'm GONE. Just, based on second hand embarrassment and mechanical effect (LOSING THE BOOK), this is by far the worst conversation all episode and that's saying something.

(Also, RIP Mira who's going to wake up to a VERY different situation than when she went to sleep.)

The last thing I want to say about this episode is I kind wish that either Roz or Ger or both had died in their rescue plan. Not as a punishment mind you. While it was a tactically bad move, I think it's totally in character that Ger would have tried to go back for his wife and that one of his friends would have joined him. But we haven't had that many deaths this season and I feel like some more death exposition might give us more about what's going on. Because I feel like we only have a small piece of the puzzle, and there's not that many eps left to go. You know how in Stranger Things, the plot always ends up split between three groups and none of them actually know what's going on until they all communicate in the penultimate episode? That's how I feel right now except it's the PCs, The Princesses, The Faries, and the Librarians.

It's also potentially illuminating for Elody if the princesses are willing to kill Roz and Ger (I assume they'd bring back at least Roz). And if they were split up from the main party, that's an interesting place for them to be story-wise.  (Also, if they brought back Ger but were like Elody he's in the dungeon, don't talk to him he'll fill your head with lies. But she visits him anyway, just like when he was a frog at the pond...but I'm just writing mental fanfic now.) My point is there was potential there for us to get interesting info (and story beats) there which is why I was kind of rooting for it. This whole episode was a big bust with regard to moving towards any sort of goal and they really just made their situation severely worse to no real end. And now the princesses who want to end the world have the most powerful device in all of story. 

Yay. 

(Coda: Where is Scher with her "We're real enough" energy to talk the princesses out of their spiral? For the love of story, I am losing my mind here.)

[alex99achapterthree]

Apollo XII commander Pete Conrad stands beside the Surveyor III lander on the moon on November 20, 1969.

Surveyor III landed on the moon on April 20, 1967. It used a TV camera to beam images back to Earth and dug trenches with a scoop on the end of a robot arm.

Conrad and LM Pilot Alan Bean performed a pinpoint touch-down, landing their LM Intrepid within easy walking distance of Surveyor. They examined the spacecraft to see how it had stood up to 2 1/2 years on the lunar surface, and brought the TV camera (the cylinder beside Conrad's shoulder) and the sampling scoop (on the arm in front of him) back to earth for study.

[canyouhearthelight]

Nihilus Rex Ch. 10: First Move

This chapter took 2 weeks to write. One to hash out what all our intrepid villains would need to do to pull this off, and one to actually write the chapter and make sure all bases are covered.

I and @baelpenrose have taken very few liberties with what this trio is doing, but I want to double-down on his note from the previous chapter: trying this would not only be extremely illegal, but in 2024 it wouldn't even remotely work. Especially not the lien release part: most of those records are digital now, and each bank has maybe four people total with the level of access required to release them. Maybe four.

Cause I am, I am

A little wicked

I am, I am

Hands red, hands red

Just like you said

I am, a little wicked

Valerie Broussard, “A Little Wicked”

After two detours - one to find another thermos, the other to fill both - we managed to make our way to a mall so old and worn-looking that even Spirit Halloween would give it a pass. Nils led us around to a side entrance before holding the door open with a sweeping gesture.  I rolled my eyes good naturedly, Bishop groaning behind me as we shouldered past.  Pausing to rub the dust from an old map with one sleeve, I found what I was looking for and glanced up. “Please tell me the stairs are in good shape?  Best Buy is all the way on the fourth floor.”

“They are, and it is, but we won’t need either.”  I suppressed a shiver as he reached past me to tap a location on our same level. “Sears.  The television section is down here, and the cable connections are still intact.”

“And we didn’t enter on that side because…?” Bishop asked, seeing how far away it looked on the map.

“Internet is up, power doors are not,” came the dry answer. “And this door was the only one I could get my hands on a key for.” 

“How did you - “ I started.

“You don’t want to know, Baklava. Plausible deniability - if anyone gets busted, Nothing did the breaking and entering, we weren’t aware he wasn’t lawfully here.” Hiking his bag further up on his shoulder, Bishop grunted. “Let’s go.”

Walking through the mall gave the eerie impression of being a zombie movie - rustling could be heard constantly, along with voices coming from beyond some of the locked grates covering storefronts. Squatters, I realized. Better use of the space than just leaving it here to rot, I thought approvingly. At least they aren’t freezing to death outside.

“Anyway.” Nils led the way into the employee break room in the Sears, one where he’d clearly helped himself to a few of the beanbags from the small furniture store, and locked the door behind us. “Router is behind the counter. We got wifi, we have a place to sit, we have work to do. Everyone, grab a beanbag or a chair. Local squatters won’t bother us in here - there’s an arrangement. I paid for a generator, they don’t mess with my stuff, and stay out of my way when I need to do a thing.” 

I made a mental note to bring food next time, provided I could figure out a way to bring it without Nils or Bishop noticing - last thing I needed was Bishop informing Nils about my stray-cat tendencies.  Grabbing a bean bag and an abandoned tray to set my computer on, I nested in and started getting everything connected.  Once I was happy with where everything was at, I dug in my bag for some snacks, pulling them out triumphantly before realizing Nils and Bishop were staring at me.

“What? You said we had work to do.”

Nils started snickering. “Not that. Just. Never known anyone who brought chili pistachios to a hack job. That’s all.” He shrugged. “Kind of cool.” 

“Creampuff. You and I both know if it was anyone else - like me, or even like Shade, you’d be saying something that would end with everyone either laughing or punching your lights out.” Harvey glanced at him with exasperation.

I offered some of my snack. “Keep the nut jokes to a minimum and I’ll share.”

“Please, Lash. We are not WintermuteWeasel. We come up with classier jokes than that when there is a lady present.” Nils replied, with faux-dignity. 

“In that case, I won’t offer you this,” I sighed dramatically, holding up a bag of homemade jerky. “Because god forbid you put my meat in your mouth.”

Bishop leaned past Nils. “I will gladly put your meat and your nuts in my mouth,” he managed to deadpan, making me throw my head back laughing before handing over both pistachios and jerky.

Nils blinked. “Apologies, clearly I misunderstood your sense of humor. My apologies. I’d do this casually, but you now strike me as the type who’d doubtless prefer a bit of begging for the privilege of your tasty, tasty nuts. Please…” He gave me giant puppy dog eyes and fell out of his bean bag chair, doing his best attempt at looking pathetic, not quite topping how he’d looked when bleeding in a torn suit, but much, much funnier. 

I surrendered and nodded for Bishop to pass the snacks over. “And don’t worry, I didn’t cook any of these, so they taste really good. Fair warning, the lamb jerky is - “

“Hooooleee crap,” Bishop gasped around a mouthful, grabbing a bottle of water and taking a big swig. “Spicy. Very very spicy. Lots of cilantro spicy, was not prepared.”

“That,” I finished lamely. “So go slow or we’ll never get any work done.  Speaking of the Weasel… Any word?”

“Called him, he should be calling back in….” His phone started ringing. “Now. I’ll deal with him, try to keep quiet, both of you. It’s gonna be easier if you two don’t acknowledge that I’m buying for you so he doesn’t hold up the sale for something gross, you know?” He stepped off. “Wintermute, yeah. Best icebreaker. Needs to be less than 30MB. Able to tear through the absolute best encryption out there? Can you do it?”

Something on the other end.

“Need to get a worm and a data bomb through it, and be able to activate the data bomb on the other end after the worm has had time to work. No, you don’t need to know what for. You just need to know the parameters. High end, government encryption. Less than 30MB file size.” Harvey got tense, and began rolling his eyes, held the phone away from his head for a minute. He began doing ducklips - might have picked that up from me.

Eventually he put it back to his head. “Yeah, I get it’ll be expensive. No, no I will not disclose who I’m working with. Cash only payments. Yeah, I can pay that.” 

He hung up. “Great. He’ll meet me in a few weeks. He bitched about it, a lot, but after a bit he said he could do it. It’ll ring three thousand. Each of you down to cover a grand?” 

I squinted and did some mental math. “Yeah, I can cover that.” I’d have to bite the bullet and work on some more anime commissions, but the money was practically sitting there otherwise.  “Richie McWhiteboy, you don’t need to auction off a leather jacket or anything, do you?”

“You know what’s sad? I am so useless in so many ways, but I have the kind of academic credentials where I get paid to research for the university as a grad student as long as I keep helping professors with their research and it covers rent. All my jobs basically just cycle in paying for other jobs and expenses. And I still have money left over to give away. Yeah, I can throw a thousand - probably a little more if it��ll take strain off of you two.”

Bishop winked at me. “Ah, to have rich people problems, right?”

I threw my hands up. “I will totally take financial help in providing snacks and decent coffee. Titties only get me so far.”  Belatedly, I realized what I had said and covered my face with both hands. “ART!” I shouted. “ART!”

Nils snickered. “Most artists have drawn big tittied anime girls for money, and most academics who need it have either written Marvel fanfiction for kinks they didn’t want to know about or written someone else’s papers. Don’t think about it too hard.” 

Bishop just shook his head as I peeked through my fingers and dragged over a second bean bag to prop his feet on. “Before we get completely derailed by a taco joke, let’s reel it in, children.  Our not so friendly neighborhood perv is working on the encryption breaking, do we want to do the worm or databomb first?”

Nils looked to me. “I’d prefer doing the databomb first, since a spore with extra activations is easy enough and just having it done early so all we have left is the hard part means that when we’re done with the hard part we don’t have anything left, but if anyone has any objections to that I’ll hear them?”

“The county records…?” I asked, glancing between the both of them. “You know, the physical liens? With the counties?”

It was completely the opposite of reassuring when Nils went pale and Bishop’s eyes glazed over. With a deadpan, almost contemptuously exhausted tone, Nils grunted, “Fuck. Alright, malware 4 and 5, another encryption breaker, another databomb, let’s go. And find some way of getting those released. And finding which ones we’re looking for…”

“I mean a dial-up bot that just asks after public records isn’t hard, you and I have made like a few dime a dozen ones, that’s easy. Hell, I have a DDoS botnet or two we can repurpose, just collecting dust. Start generating those to get public records on liens, they’re public record. Hard part is the lien releases, that’ll take…some courts and counties take digital copies or faxed copies of the notarized forms, I say we collect the records with that and start sending forged copies out. I mean, we’d need to pay a good forgery guy, but I know one. It takes about thirty days, but we can mill the fucking things once we get all the records and get good fake state seals made.”

“Make sure they are backdated by several months,” I suggested. “Totally Purloined Letter it, act like they’ve had it this entire time and lost their copy. They’ll be too embarrassed to object.”

“Right, add about a month to the process for that and finishing our worm and encryption breaker, county records are easily breakable, we can make our own icebreakers for that but we’re gonna need a lot of computers to launch that many attacks at once…That, plus adequate databombs.”

“Add another twenty five days after we send the fake releases, give time for as many as possible to be recorded,” Bishop added. “They’re less likely to be lumped in with the attack, that way.”

              “Okay. That, plus I have to regularly commune with my morons on their “orders” for the “joint operation” about dealing with the “evil shadow government.” Nils sighed. “Okay. We have a lot of work to do but we should be able to manage it. We can’t brag about it after, which kinda sucks because we’re rapidly approaching Inception-timed-to-music levels of bullshit, and if we pull it off any reasonable world would give us bragging rights forever, but there are way worse things.” 

              “I don’t suppose any of your far right fucknuckle brother uncles are notaries?” I sighed. “We’d never be that lucky.”

              “Sadly, no. I do have a relative who is but she’d never get caught up in anything illegal for political reasons, perish the thought,” Nils’ voice took on a note of contempt. “She conveniently forgets that marrying her husband was illegal until around 60 years ago, and that the entire concept of civil disobedience is ‘breaking the law for political reasons’.”  He shrugged. 

              Bishop grunted, snagging a thermos. “Pocket notaries going on Santa’s wishlist in the event we are ever good little boys and girl…. We are now at 55 day lead time, minimum. The thirty days will give us time to come up with hardware without getting too much scrutiny, and we use that time to let bots dig up the information we need on the liens and student debt.” I blinked and he waggled a finger at me. “I didn’t forget that part, don’t worry. Student debt is going to be the least painful, because zero potential damage there, Sallie Mae can just fuck right off.”  

He typed for second and tilted his head. “Then we send the faked releases - I don’t know if my guy can do them in bulk, so it would be smart to have a program to mock them up as back-up.  Who can code that, because I’ll be too busy.”

I raised my hand. “Digital art en masse is my area of expertise,” I nodded confidently. “I can cobble something together from my animation stuff, no problem.”  Would I test it by using it to clear my commissions inbox? Probably, but they didn’t need to know that.  I already felt guilty enough about it.

“Okay, so I’ll handle the databombs and the basic icebreakers, Bishop will repurpose his dialup net, and Lash will get the mock-ups ready so we can mill out fake lien releases. I’ll also handle getting the gun nuts ready and primed for when we go. We’ll work together on the worm since that’ll be the hardest part.” Nils was standing, the irritated exhaustion gone, eyes suddenly alight. “We have a little less than two months, and when that’s done, we’ll be paying back the banks for the 2008 crash and all the futures they stole with student loans. And we’ll be stealing a lot of them back. Let’s get to work.” 

[newtonsheffield]

No but imagine Anthony taking a post shag selfie with Kate (he has a whole photo album of them in his phone because.... duh he’s Anthony ‘HornyforKate’ Bridgerton) and accidentally sending it to his family group chat.. Ooop

Okay, but imagine they don't know anything about this relationship that's been blossoming, let's say it's at the end of Hand(s)y

They're in their little afterglow, breathless and wild, his lips on her neck as he takes the picture, her nose wrinkled at the camera as she laughs, his arm slung over her chest the only thing really obscuring her from showing far too much, and he really didn't mean to send it to his family, in fact, he didn't realise he accidentally had as Kate's lips had started moving over his neck again and her hips had started grinding against his thigh and he'd gotten a little distracted as he'd dropped his phone to the floor with a thrilled Again? Really?

And he'd woken up the next morning to a veritable stream

Daphne (Girl #1): Ant. Do we need to talk about the things that are appropriate to share?

Frankie Bean: I'd agree I don't think we need to see every conquest

Mum: Anthony, this woman is beautiful, ask her to marry you and be done with it please (I'm joking, though she is very pretty)

Intrepid travel (Drain on funds): Oh Ho! Golden boy Anthony has finally slipped up and defiled the GC

Ben (Runner Up): If you think Anthony's the Golden boy you really haven't been paying attention Col. But ! @Eloise- recognise someone here.

Hyacinth (Baby Flower): I'm scarred. I will be seeking reparations

Gregory (Smoosh): I will be seeing a PS5 in damages. Blue controllers.

Angry Feminist: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Gregory (Smoosh): No wait! One Pink and One Blue.

Mum: Eloise, please.

Angry Feminist: THAT'S EDWINA'S SISTER KATE WHO I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SET HIM UP WITH FOREVER

Mum: Kate? Eloise more information please.

Ben (Runner Up): Oh *I* have the information that Eloise doesn't. Anthony, for months now, has been ditching work, and showing up at Kate and Edwina's as the handyman. She mistook him for one and he didn't want to correct her because he liked her. Sly dog. Fucking paid off.

Daphne (Girl #1): oh my god. please. Is this real? please let it be real.

Intrepid travel (Drain on funds): Jesus Christ. And she bought it? He showed up dressed like Anthony and she bought it?

Ben (Runner Up): There was, and I can't believe I'm saying this, a costume involved.

Angry Feminist: No. Kate would never be that dumb, she wouldn't

Ben (Runner Up): Oh but she has sister. It looks like... the pipe's been laid.

Anthony: Well... This isn't exactly how I wanted to do this but can we show some respect please? Kate's my girlfriend and it's new but it's serious.

Daphne (Girl #1): Well.

Ben (Runner Up): Buddy. You did it. Wait does she know you aren't the handyman?

Anthony: Yes, she knows. Can we just... not make a big deal out of this?

Angry Feminist: I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WOULD LIKE HER!

Intrepid travel (Drain on funds): Wait, Greg, Hy. Check on Mum please.

Gregory (Smoosh): She burst into tears

Anthony: Mum, we're not making a big deal out of this remember

Mum: I NEVER THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD COME

Anthony: Mum, please, just- I'm really happy just don't do anything weird

Mum: Eloise, I need her mother's phone number

Anthony: Mum! No! You don't!

Angry Feminist: On it!

Anthony: No! Guys!

Angry Feminist: Her name is Mary, Mum, here's her phone number

Anthony: Mum, No!

Mum: Thanks, sweetheart.

Anthony: Guys no!

Anthony: Guys?!

[hannahhasafact]

Things the fucking slap about the non Intrepid Heroes Dimension 20 seasons in order of release:

Escape from the Bloodkeep

Absolutely stellar party with Amy Vorpahl, Erika Ishii, Ify Nwadiwe, Matthew Mercer, Mike Trapp and Rekha Shankar

Includes the one familiar the Brennan refuses to harm, and it’s the most horrible creature you’ve ever met.

Speaking of J’er’em’ih, I don’t think Trapp gets as much appreciation for Sokhbarr as I think he deserves because when Trapp commits he fucking COMMITS. And that one very specific investigation check? Ooh baby it was so good

Speaking of boss ass moves, Rekha’s balloon ass fuckery was such a good move. And Ify being like “can we be bros with the eagles?” ending up being one of the best moves to do? Absolutely fantastic

Honestly one of the funniest seasons of D20 tbh imo. Like I do not like LOTR, so I didn’t think I’d like this season. But it’s such a hilarious season, no wonder it’s one of the side quests I feel like folks recommend the most

Tiny Heist

The McElroy fam? Even if you don’t listen to TAZ (like me) you know they’re a good time

The Rick Diggins speech is just so fucking bananas it’s so good. Rick Diggins is also just the most batshit character

Personally, I love heist stuff. It’s so fun! And I really found the heist itself to be so fun! (Griffin’s part it in is my favorite, Bean is adorable and I love him)

Also there’s always something so fun about the mechanics of tiny universes within our universe? The way they explain toys and stuff coming to life is really interesting and fun imo

Lily Du’s first time at the table and Jess Ross at the table! Speaking of I love how Jess completed her arch, she knew what was going down with her character and made a complete story. It was great!

Pirates of Leviathan

Personally I love this season, and our first time having Aabria at the table ahhhhhh (also my first encounter of “please have the camera focus on Aabria, she makes the absolute best expressions”) Plus, it’s back in the Fantasy High Universe which is always fun to explore more about the universes (and get some NPC cameos/appearances!)

Also tbh I love all of the PCs in this series? Like they’re all so interesting and unique, and are such full characters.

Literally the absolute best PC introduction that exists in d20, Bob I love you so goddamn much

There’s a goddamn Queer Eye joke in this season and at first it’s played for laughs but honestly becomes like… the softest thing? And it warms your soul? And it also features Matt Mercer as a tall ass rat man (this season also has a rare pair I ship and I think no one else does lol but I love it so)

Pirate T-Rex. Just feel like that alone needs its own bullet point lol

Mice and Murder

The mystery!!! Is so fun!!! It’s cool at the end of the season to see how everything was connected, and it’s fun to go on the journey with the party

Katie Marovitch rolling the first nat 20 of the season and not understanding the implications of a natural 20 for a good couple of minutes will always be funny

This season is pretty much all classic College Humor cast mates, so if you’ve been watching College Humor stuff for over a decade like me you’re sure to find some joy in it

Sam Reich has some of the most killer one liners in this season and he’s just such a fun character. Honestly, this season is just so goofy and everyone is just trying to make each other laugh. It’s delightful

The texting element!!! Is so dang interesting!!! And it works so well for the mystery

Misfits and Magic

The first season with a new GM!!!! Aabria!!! When that trailer came out we were all SHOOK, truly began a new era of d20 and we love it

And first time PC Brennan??? Listen he’s such a fun PC we love the strange lil guys he plays

Sam Black deserves so much more love, she’s such a fun PC. Like Danielle would just say one liners that would knock me the fuck out, she’s so dang funny

Listen one of the funniest moments to me will always be Lou and Brennan as their actual selves being like “Mukbang? That’s not a real thing right? No… no it’s not”

The fact that one of the animal companions is straight up just a basketball is hilarious and ridiculous

The Seven

If you love the Fantasy High universe and want to know more about some of the side NPCS, ooh baby they’re PCs now and they’re all played by hilarious cool folks (including our first time having Izzy Roland, Persephone Valentine and Becca Scott in the dome!)

This season absolutely feels like a sleepover with friends. Everyone is giggly and having so much fun, and it’s so fun to watch (and also emotional when you least expect it lol)

I’m having a hard time describing funny moments because it’s just one of those things where you have to experience it to get it? Like this season had me cry laughing but I will never be able to describe the sexy duck outfit as hilariously as Becca does it’s just so good

Oooh before we got killer costume descriptions from ACOFAF you better believe we got it during this season. And if you’re a big costume nerd like me you’ll just be like heart eyes mother fucker

On an interesting note, Brennan is kind of playing both an NPC and PC? Technically he’s still just playing an NPC but Zelda is like… part of the party (obviously part of The Seven). And it’s a fun change!

Shriek Week

Gabe Hicks is a delight as the GM! I am constantly thinking about the line “You may be yolked but this man is a straight up omelette” because it slaps and tbh I would love to see him in the dome again

I think this is canonically the only season where characters FUCK

Another season with a very fun cast, like all of the cast has big horny energy and it’s so silly! If you’ve watched this season you understand Lily’s energy in Dirty Laundry a lot more lollll

Also this season canonically has Mothman and The Count from Sesame Street as characters and it makes me giggle every time

Tbh I really wish this season had more time but if you’re looking for a super short series, it’s only four episodes long!

Coffin Run

Jasmine Bhullar is SO fun as the GM and I feel like really plays off the PC energy well? She was so much fun

This season is another one that is just goofy fun! And you know I love me some goofy fun (the whole eating letters thing is so stupid and so fun)

Personally think the sets for this series are SO cool like oh my god?? The trainnnnnnn ahhh

This is kind of a bigger spoiler but I will never be over the wine glass props for that one combat? When she pulls them out I DIE

This cast REALLY goes in on their characters and plays them so big, it’s delightful

A Court of Fey & Flowers

Do I really need to get into why this season fucking slaps? I’m pretty sure it’s one of the most popular side campaigns because it fucking SLAPS

Aabria is back as GM, bringing poetry and grace to the dome and ahhhh (like she literally recites poetry but also the episode introductions are just straight up poetic

This is the season of romance and brought me to the horrible realization that I like DND actual plays because mostly I like the role playing apparently lolllll

Outfits outfits outfits outfits ahhhhh we love some fantastic outfitsssss

The whole Green Hunter bit is so fucking funny

Anyways moral of the story is D20 side campaigns are fun and you should watch/listen to them

[intrepidbeans]

These two grown adults, one of whom is a whole man, are teenage sisters, your honor

I will be donating my artist’ cut of all sticker purchases from now until 12am EST on May 1st to Point of Pride, a scholarship-like program that provides direct financial assistance to trans folks who cannot afford their gender-affirming surgery

[lonestarflight]

The Apollo 12 Lunar Module Intrepid (LM-6) is photographed in lunar orbit from the Command and Service Modules Yankee Clipper (CSM-108), shortly after undocking.

"The coordinates of the center of the lunar surface shown in picture are 4.5 degrees west longitude and 7 degrees south latitude. The largest crater in the foreground is Ptolemaeus; and the second largest is Herschel. Aboard the LM were astronauts Charles Conrad Jr., commander; and Alan L. Bean, lunar module pilot. Astronaut Richard R. Gordon Jr., command module pilot, remained with the CSM in lunar orbit while Conrad and Bean descended in the LM to explore the surface of the moon."

Date: November 19, 1969

NASA ID: AS12-51-7507

[whirligig-girl]

Isabel Guz! In the 22nd-And-A-Half Century!

Image ID: Digital drawing of a Eaurp Guz and Hoshi Sato in the NX-01 starship Enterprise mess hall. Guz is a green slimegirl, Hoshi Sato is a japanese human woman. They are both wearing navy-blue united earth starfleet jumpsuits. Hoshi's uniform has blue lining and Guz's uniform has red lining. They both have ensign's pips. Guz looks a little flustered and melty, while Hoshi just looks happy. Guz is eating soup. Hoshi has a sandwich and some beans. There is a purple and blue nebula visible out the window.  End ID.

pre-ent-season-1 Introduction to Isabel Guz under the cut:

Ensign Guz was in the 602 club, enjoying a fruity beverage and talking to Ensign Reed about Titan V missiles. Guz was in uniform--her navy-blue jumpsuit with red stripes, but Reed was wearing a polo shirt and shorts. Reed spotted his crewmates from across the room and waived them over to the booth.

"Uh, Isabel, this is, ahem, Lieutenant Tucker and Commander Archer, from Project Enterprise."

"Please, call me Trip."

Guz's eyes went wide. "Wow! Howdy, I'm, uh, Ensign Isabel Guz, nice to meetchy'all."

Trip cocked his head to the side. "Ensign, where you from?"

"No clue sir, but I was raised in Greensboro."

"Ah, one of them reclaimation project towns?" Trip said.

Guz nodded. "There weren't much uh the city left after the 2nd civil war, but that meant it wasn't one of the targets during world war three."

Commander Archer chuckled to himself, then cleared his throat. "I think you and Trip have a lot in common. He was raised in Panama City."

"A real life Florida man...," Guz marvelled.

"In the flesh," Trip said.

"Have you ever made it out to Cape Canaveral? I know it's mostly a crater reclaimed by swamp at this point but I've heard the historical society opened the ruins of the VAB to visitors! I've always wanted to go, but I never found the time, and--"

"Calm down Ensign. I've done better than that. I've seen the preserved Saturn Five booster in Huntsville, Alabama."

"No... way..." Guz said.

"Forgive me for prying but, what's with the, uhh..." Archer said, gesturing vaguely at Guz's whole deal.

“The slime? The Vulcan scientists said I came to them as a cylinder of biomimetic compound salvaged from a Zaldan Empire ship. They didn't get any records, so I dunno what planet I'm from. Ain't like it matters; as far as I'm concerned, I'm from North Carolina."

"Zaldans?" Archer said

"They're at a similar level of development to Earth, but with much wider infrastructure. That's all the Vulcans told me about them.”

“So are you like, some kinda shapeshifter?” Trip said.

“If you want to learn all about me, feel free to read the Vulcan paper, Development and Maturation of a Biomimetic Mold Organism. If you can read Vulcan, that is. You’ll learn all about my shapeshifting abilities, or lackthereof; my fluidity, material structure, sentience profile… pain response.”

The table went silent. Guz looked down awkwardly, more upset that she’d made things awkward than about what the Vulcans did to her all those years ago.

“Hey, ma’am, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--”

Guz feigned cheering up. “It’s ok. We all know how Vulcans can be!”

The waitress came up to the table. “The usuals, gentlemen?”

“Thanks, Ruby,” Archer said.

“How ‘bout Isabel?” Trip said.

“You’ve already guessed that one,” Ruby said.

“Damn,” Trip said, snapping his fingers.

“Wh-what was that about?” Guz said.

“Ruby said she’ll marry the first guy who guesses what she wants to name her kids.”

Guz muttered under her breath, “or maybe the first slimegirl…”

Archer furrowed his brow and pursed his lips, a little surprised.

Ruby came back with some drinks, and Archer continued in his small talk. “So, Ensign, where are you assigned?”

“I’m on Captain Jeffries’ engineering team.”

“Oh, damn, is he overworking you?” Trip said.

“I can handle the workload,” Guz said. “But I’m hoping to actually get… you know, out there some day. I’m hoping to get on one of those Freedoms, or maybe an Intrepid--”

[darsynia]

Trust Fall | Ch 22

ARC by Eury Escodero on Unsplash | gif by @elwintersoldado

Story Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Summary: Tony/OC, ‘terrorists made us fall in love;’ IM1 timeline. In this chapter, Emory and Tony both learn how to trust new people in their lives even as they discover awful things about the people they used to trust.

Length: 4,862

Note: An ‘albedo’ is basically the measurement of the sun’s light as reflected from another object. I’m using it here as an allusion to finding out the true nature of people Emory and Tony used to trust. They see evidence of Rory and Obie’s duplicity as reflected by their harmful actions. FINALLY, am I right?

Taglist: @starryeyes2000 @raith-way @arrthurpendragon @themaradaniels @starksbf @chickensarentcheap @tiny-anne

Excerpt:

Emory says, “Honestly, after three solid months of bean soup for every meal, coffee is coffee,” and follows Clint into the kitchen. There’s a towel with one of those crochet button clasps hanging from the stove handle.

“Well, in that case, you’re just going from one bean soup to another.”

She takes his proffered cup and watches him walk over to clean the machine he’d made it with, real barista-level equipment. He shoots a look over his shoulder to catch her first sip. It’s delicious.

“Agent Barton, this is some high class bean soup. Thank you.”

Chapter Twenty-Two: Albedo

It’s one thing to dress in the same clothes as a SHIELD agent pretending to be Tony Stark’s Morning Assignation. It’s something else to picture herself leaving the helicopter on SHIELD grounds and walking into the building dressed like that! Emory chooses anxiety (asking the pilot if she can change clothes in the back of the helicopter) over mortification (having to do a walk of shame across the Triskelion helipad). She ends up having to use the fishnets as a belt to keep Tony’s pants on, but she feels less exposed when she sits back down. Now, she thinks to herself, if only the hollow ache in the pit of my stomach would go away! Emory’s sure it’ll go away once they land and she’s settled, but it almost feels like it feeds off of her anxiety.

“Clint has an extra room,” Nat says, giving her phone back. “We’ll have to finagle some sightings of you, and we’ll have to do the rest of your training there, but Fury said yes.”

“It’s all settled, just like that?” Emory asks, incredulous.

Natasha sees her expression and shrugs. “Sometimes it’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission.”

Voicemail Box, Stark, Anthony E.

2.20 PM

Mr. Stark, the FBI agents are here and I can’t find you or Harry. You aren’t in the bunker, are you? JARVIS won’t answer me, and I’ll feel very foolish if I have to explain that as your PA I don’t actually know whether you’re in your father’s bomb shelter or not! Please answer your phone.

3:10 PM

Tony, if they threaten me with obstruction I’m going to be very upset. The agents are saying they might come back with a warrant, and I know it’s a federal crime to lie to the FBI so I had to tell them I’d met Ms. Autumn. Please, PLEASE come out? I know you can get phone calls from inside there!

10:55 PM

Tony, where are you, it’s after ten! You only have enough fresh food in there for a few days! I’m… Wait, is that you on Channel-- [dial tone]

11:03 PM

You’re at a NIGHTCLUB! It made the NEWS, Tony! What if the FBI doesn't believe me? What if they think I was covering for you!? Do you know how many messages I left on Harry’s phone asking where the two of you were? I thought he was in the bunker with you trying to stop you from drinking yourself half to death! BOTH OF YOU COME HOME RIGHT NOW!!

When Tony returns from partying, he buries himself not in blankets and dreams, but files and memories. Stark Industries needs a new niche that isn’t weaponry, but draws on that expertise. Emory is at SHIELD’s mercy, and he doesn’t have any influence there. Is there something he could do that would solve both problems at once?

Some intrepid assistant in the late 80’s had digitized Howard Stark’s paper files, but they’re all mixed together, probably on purpose. He decides to track down the schematics he’d been so dazzled by when he was six and about to be sent away to boarding school; Tony had spent three glorious days digging through a couple of metal briefcases that had been accidentally left in his bedroom instead of the storage study one room over. At the time, Tony had been convinced they were for a secret government thing his dad was doing, and that was why they were sending him away to school. For his protection.

School had stripped away that sense of wonder, and eventually his father’s cold demeanor taught Tony to keep his questions to himself. Uncovering those memories is an uncomfortable process best done with the veneer of inebriation, but the physical effects mean he’s not very efficient. By dawn, the files are still elusive, and the issues that made him want to go drinking in the first place won’t go away. 

He decides to sleep on it.

Tony’s phone rings as he’s carrying the bunker pillows and Emory’s left-behind shirt up to his bedroom. His first instinct when he sees the name on the display is to be glad it’s not the FBI. His second instinct is to wonder if Coulson has learned how to manipulate people from the same place Agent Romanoff did. The man has to know that Tony was out till 3 AM. The agent probably expects to leave a message with a set of instructions he’ll expect to be followed without push-back, or Coulson’s hoping to manipulate him while he’s sleep-deprived and hung over.

As a result, Tony’s barely civil when he answers.

“You better be about to improve my mood, Doctor No.”

“Good morning. I have been asked to take over from Director Fury as your primary contact.”

“Wow,” Tony says. “Tell Boris he was almost the father figure I already had, will you?” Tony needs to yawn, but he holds it back.

“I’m pretty sure that’s exactly the sort of message I was assigned to prevent,” Coulson says. The man’s deadpan delivery doesn’t change a whit. “Something’s come past my desk that I think you can help me clear up: is it true that you snuck out from under your PA’s nose yesterday afternoon to avoid a scheduled FBI interview?”

The rush of relief Tony feels is probably premature, but Coulson is handing him a resolution on a silver platter right now. “Pepper told on me? Look, I deal with a lot of acronyms. I’m pretty sure I’d have remembered if I was supposed to be at a meeting with the CIA.” He pauses for dramatic effect, then adds, “Not that I wouldn’t have still snuck out. Everybody hates those guys.”

“Are you asking me to smooth this over for you, Mr. Stark?”

“Is it illegal for me to say yes?” Tony shoots back. “Because if we’re in the plot of Entrapment, I want my money back unless there will be red lasers and hot women in skin-tight black leotards.”

He can’t help but picture Emory in the iconic outfit, and Tony tightens his hand around the spy shirt she’d left behind. The message he’d gotten from Natasha Romanoff at midnight had been promising, but sharing an apartment with another agent could be worse in the long run. The freedom Emory will gain will be tempered by the possibility of off-hours propaganda and persuasion.

“Sir?”

Oops. Coulson had been talking. Tony gives in to the yawn, making it as loud and obnoxious as possible.

“I was busy picturing that. Go on?”

“I was just saying, if we wanted to trap you, sir? We’d be more subtle. Speaking of which, any word on how long you’ll be staying in New York? I’d love to know if I’ll need to rent something long-term,” Coulson says, still as studiously polite as always, but now with a tiny edge to his tone, sharp as a razorblade. 

“I’ll be sticking around for as long as your archer plays house with my girlfriend, Phil.”

Tony doesn’t want to like this guy, mostly because it feels like there are two kinds of people in Phil Coulson’s world: the people he’s manipulating into liking him, and the people he’s screwing over very courteously. Tony’s been trying to manipulate the man right back, but it’s a delicate balance. Right before he’d left for New York, Tony had found a rare part for the guy’s beloved classic car and had it delivered by courier. That had been the carrot, and now, he supposes, comes the stick.

Coulson’s extolling the virtues of a particular apartment building he’s got an eye on when Tony interrupts. “Say, since you’re so good at passing notes, can you ask your boss if he can give me a call? I’ve got a business opportunity for him.”

There’s a moment of silence before Coulson wryly asks, “Should I address this message to ‘Boris?’ Or Director Fury?”

It's a shrewd question, and Tony's too fucking tired to play his usual hard to get. "Go with his official name this time, will you, Junior? Blame the lapse on sleep deprivation. And don't ever call me this early again, or I'll clone your voice with my AI and start releasing shit about Area 51 framing you as the source."

“Point taken, sir. Sleep well.”

Tony turns the phone off completely. “Yeah, I wish,” he says to no one. Thankfully, his head barely hits the pillow that smells faintly of Emory’s hair before he feels oblivion reaching out for him.

Emory wakes up in an actual bedroom.

Not a secure office dressed as one. Not a fancy hotel that reeks of opulent impermanence. Not a barely habitable cave with a truly embarrassing method of relieving oneself. A bedroom. The room Clint had given her even has a lock.

She’d spent so little time at her apartment while working as Rory’s PA that her last ‘home bedroom’ was pre-Rory, the room in her dad’s house. That memory is tainted by the conflict between herself and her parents about Rory’s influence, though. The time she got to spend at Tony’s mansion hadn’t felt like home either. It had passed almost like a daydream, a stolen few hours that, true to form, had ended with her being sent back to reality. When she was with him, Emory had felt like maybe she could belong there, but now, back in the real world, it’s hard not to feel foolish.

Rolling over, she buries her face in Tony’s shirt as she had so often the night before, picturing him across the room about to climb back into bed with her. It’s hard not to wonder how many women have done the same. Most of them were probably tall, glamorous, and rich, better suited to his world than she ever could be. Her rational mind is trying to tell her that Tony Stark is new to the hero business, and she was just a convenient damsel in distress. Her heart’s response is to remember the desperate catch in his voice as he screamed in the desert, angry at her for maybe dying and forcing the words ‘I love you’ from his throat.

Her instinct is to do what she’s always done: endure. This time, though, Emory wants to fight for what she wants, as terrifying as it is, as new as that is. She wants to live. She wants to love. How did everything suddenly become so hard?

Groaning, Emory gets up and makes the bed, tucking Tony's clothes under the pillow like she's burying a secret. As she has for the last few weeks, she also buries her instinct to go with the flow, to not make waves, to hide, safe and invisible. It's too late for that. Tony- or Natasha Romanoff -would find her. And if they didn't, well, thanks to the serum, she basically has an expiration date. The effects of her dependency are going to start manifesting themselves soon. 

She dresses and slips on the fuzzy slippers Clint had lent her, unlocks her door, and starts up the hallway toward the kitchen. On the way, she sees that his bedroom door is open, revealing a loft bed with a desk underneath, just like a college dorm. Most of the room is taken up by what looks like a built-in climbing wall that curves up onto the ceiling, anchored with some seriously thick cables.

“I’d offer to let you try it out, but I don’t actually have a rig, just pads for underneath. Not great for newbies,” Clint says from the other side of the hallway. He’s sipping from a mug, which he holds up. “I remember you usually avoided the SHIELD coffee. I approve. Want some of the good stuff, or did your cave detox put you in a good place?”

“Give?” Emory says, walking toward him like a mummy. She’d warmed to Barton during her training sessions, and he’s even more likeable here in his own home, relaxed and welcoming. The contrast between the way he’s treating her after knowing her for a month and the way Rory's treated her for the past nine years is stark, no pun intended.

“Right, what am I talking about? This is probably crap compared to your-- To Stark’s,” Clint says, stumbling over the right way to refer to Tony. Emory can’t blame him. Technically, she’s not supposed to be Stark’s anything.

A stubborn kernel of hope blazes in her chest, as she says, “Honestly, after three solid months of bean soup for every meal, coffee is coffee,” and follows him into the kitchen. There’s a towel with one of those crochet button clasps hanging from the stove handle.

“Well, in that case, you’re just going from one bean soup to another.”

Emory takes his proffered cup and watches him walk over to clean the machine he’d made it with, real barista-level equipment. He shoots a look over his shoulder to catch her first sip. It’s delicious.

“Agent Barton, this is some high class bean soup. Thank you.”

“I made a promise that I would indulge myself every day. This is what I picked,” Clint says.

“You mean your overhanging death wall wasn’t it?” she asks, walking over to rest her hip on the kitchen island and watch him.

He chuckles. “No.”

“Thank you, truly,” she tells him after a few more (indulgent is definitely the word) sips. “I didn’t know how on Earth I was going to balance my association with Tony and my obligations to the mission. Staying here is the perfect compromise.”

“Glad to help,” Clint says gruffly, focused on wiping off the counter. “That can be a delicate thing. Worth it, though, if he is.”

Emory blows out a long sigh, staring at her feet. “Looking at it from the other way around, I sure hope it is.” Across the room, she hears him let out a similar noise and looks over, curious. Clint looks sheepish.

“I wasn’t supposed to mention him in case it got you charged up. Sorry about that.”

“Hah, so my self-doubt saved your apartment? Does that cancel out the whole dive-bomb rescue thing on the day we met?”

"Let's not get too hasty," he teases, jumping his eyebrows at her. A second later, he shifts into 'agent' mode. "We need to make a 'game plan.' The goal is for you to take a walk and get sighted. The building itself is secure; unofficially mostly government workers and domestic violence survivors live here, but there's an unspoken agreement with the local media about that." His smile is full of promise; whether it's for her protection or for a journalist's destruction if they choose to overstep is unclear.

“Guardians and survivors, convenient,” Emory murmurs.

“Exactly.” He pulls his phone from his pocket and starts tapping at it as he speaks. “Nat wants you to get groceries today, a courier will drop off a bank card. Says here yours was--” Clint frowns, squinting at the phone in his hand. As he reads, his jaw firms up into a hard frown. “Your account was closed ten days after the initial attack in Afghanistan. By Rory Fall. She showed them Power of Attorney papers.”

Shock and dismay lock up her muscles and she sways a little. Clint reaches out and grabs her upper arm to steady her. His grip isn’t meant to hurt, she can tell, but right now, everything is heightened, so the skin under his hands burns.

“Look at me,” he says. She does, still reeling, both surprised and (horribly) not surprised. “You okay?”

“I’ve watched her turn on people for years, I just never thought--” Emory shakes her head. Her tear ducts grind to a halt with the dry pain of understanding just how much she’s lost, how different her life is. Tears are premium content now, and she’s just a regular person.

“Did you make her your POA?”

She shakes her head again. “My parents sent me the paperwork for one. It was their last-ditch effort to-- To, crap, to prevent this, to stop Rory from trying to screw me over if we had a falling out. I didn’t sign them, but I didn’t get rid of them either.” Rory must have gone through her things and falsified the documents with her own name instead of Emory’s parents’. After all, everything in Rory Fall’s life was about Rory Fall. In Rory’s mind, Emory’s salary was ‘her money in the first place,’ after she’d been deserted during the most traumatic moment of her life. 

Fuck, Emory thinks to herself. Her own ‘most traumatic’ train is heading downhill, adding events as it goes, but she’s still rationalizing, still working to understand Rory’s actions. If only her former friend’s loyalty had run that deep!

Clint guides her toward his small couch, snagging her coffee cup on the way. “So they’re forged?” He sits her down and hands over the mug.

“I would never have given her Power of Attorney over me. In Rory’s twisted mind, she probably thinks it’s her money if I’m not there to spend it, but--”

He walks away from her abruptly. “No excuses.”

She’d been trying to explain Rory’s thought process, but the marksman’s curt comment hits home. 

Emory changes tack. “At least this works out perfectly for SHIELD! It proves I have no money,” she says, taking gulping sips of her cooled coffee. He doesn't answer, his head stuck in the fridge, shuffling things around. “What are you doing? Do you have some kind of crazy ‘dormant when refrigerated’ weapon in there?”

“I’m making a grocery list. One thing at a time.”

“That works,” she says, sitting back on the couch. As she lifts the mug to drain the last sip, Emory notices the design. It says, ‘Fix It Yourself.’ The O in ‘yourself’ is a bullseye, and the sideways word ‘it’ is made up of several arrows.

The only way to do that involves crossing half the globe and lying to the person who holds her life in the palm of their hand. Emory turns the cup so the words face away, but she knows she’ll have to follow its advice anyway.

The first thing Tony does when he finally wakes up is check on the status of the palladium shipment he appropriated from SI’s factory. The weapons ordered prior to Tony’s cut-off date of mid-July have been constructed and much of the raw material deliveries have been paused. During their discussions in the limo on the way to New York, Emory had suggested that the company offer a two or three week paid vacation for the factory employees whose jobs are in question. He’d set the thought aside in favor of spending time with her, but now Tony dials up Stane’s number to put that in motion.

“Hey, Tony. I see you were finally back to your old self last night!” Obie says, in greeting.

“Yeah, well, keeping up appearances,” Tony says. A knot forms in his gut, similar to what Emory had described when dealing with Rory. He’s not a fan. “Hey, you still planning to come out this direction next week?”

“Yeah, I have some loose ends to tie up. Why? Did you need something? If you’ve got some new projects I’d be happy to tell the boar--”

“Still percolating in there,” Tony interrupts. “I was looking to get ahold of the palladium we won't be needing. Instead of cancelling it I figured I'd just take the regular shipment. It’s just less hassle if you bring it.” 

There’s a sigh on the line. “Tony, I don’t think we have any extra right now. Did you order more on top of the standard delivery for the factory?”

“We’re not using it at the factory.”

“Tony, production doesn’t just halt overnight, we--”

“I was very clear about the deadlines,” Tony says, standing up to pace. The knot has turned into a lead weight. “We’ve satisfied our obligations up to the middle of July, which is why I was about to ask you to give the whole factory staff a two week paid vacation while we shift the production lines over to something more benign.” He can hear frantic typing on Stane’s end. “You didn’t halt the lines, did you?”

“Tony--”

“Did you?”

“I thought you were going to change your mind! It’s not sound business practice to interrupt production at this kind of scale on a whim!”

He’s having trouble swallowing, but it’s not because of the anxiety, it’s because of anger. “Shut it down. All of it. By the end of this week, or I’ll fly out there and give the maintenance guys something to do after I fire a couple of repulsors at every piece of equipment!” Tony slams his hand down on a worktable, knowing Obie will hear the sound through the phone line. “Come on! You knew I wasn’t going to budge on this!”

“I needed to know you were serious, and now I know you’re serious,” Stane says, a hint of the ‘make it right’ businessman tone returning to his voice. “Tell you what: let me boost the palladium order for this next week so there's enough for both. We’ll extend production ‘till the end of July, make it a nice round number, give these workers some warning, okay? August is a better vacation month anyway. First of August they’ll get two weeks paid vacation, everyone but security.”

Tony’s jaw is so tightly clenched he can’t respond right away.

“Tony? Hey, I know you’re passionate about this stuff but we’re still a business. A month is a much better time frame to develop a new plan. You know I’m right.”

“Do it, then,” Tony grits out.

“Good man,” Obie says in the fatherly tone Tony’s come to despise. “I’ll bring the palladium in a week. When I get there, you’ll give me some kind of an idea of what we’re transitioning to, and the two of us will get the company back on solid ground. See you then.”

Stane hangs up without a response.

“JARVIS, was there ever a slow-down in production?” Tony asks, the second he sets his phone down.

“All I can find is an internal memo informing workers that there may be a temporary halt sometime in July.”

“Right.”

Tony throws himself in his chair, the momentum carrying it away from his desk, which is just as well. He needs to calm down before he makes any of this worse. He briefly considers going upstairs and getting Emory’s shirt, since it smells like her, but that reminds him too much of what he’d done at seventeen. He’d had the housekeeping staff pack up his dad’s clothes and general belongings to put them in storage right away, but kept his mothers things where they were for months. He’d yo-yo between extremes, partying it up and pretending he didn’t care, then curling up on his mother’s side of the bed hugging one of her dresses, sobbing.

With a sigh, Tony recognizes that this comparison is toxic; Emory is alive and his, a partner who needs Tony’s actions, not his sentimentality. He resolves to work on his secret project for her this evening, as soon as he gets a few things out of the way.

“All right,” he says aloud, walking the chair back to his desk without getting up, Flintstones-style. “Do we have the capability to store palladium at our New York office? There are still research labs there, right JARVIS?”

“Indeed there are.”

“Order some under the name of the most senior employee with a note that they’re to contact me and only me upon receipt, but be diplomatic. I don’t want to signal a rift.”

“Are you certain they’ll believe it was from you, sir?”

“Funny,” Tony says. “Next item: I’d like to use Stane’s Opposition Strategy on SHIELD, with some modifications. Copy over all related files and analyze them for anything that might get Nick Fury’s panties in a bunch if I implement it.”

“Estimate ten minutes for full copy, twenty more for analysis. Do you wish me to erase evidence of the copy?”

“Good catch, make it so.”

He gets up to make a smoothie, patting Dum-E on the way over. It had been JARVIS who’d suggested bringing his ‘pets,’ another point in the AI’s column of knowing Tony better than he knew himself, sometimes. As the blender spun, Tony thought over what he knew about Stane’s Oppo strategy. JARVIS will be more thorough, but there’s only so much intuition one can program in. Tony knows he probably relies too much on intuition, but something about SHIELD feels off, and before he throws in his lot with the agency, he wants to know why. It’s no different than when they run the program on a company they hope to buy out.

The key part of the Strategy is analysis. That’s what Tony wants to use on SHIELD, despite the fact that the data set will be incomplete, given how secret most of their operations are. What he’s hoping for is a glimpse into the vulnerabilities of the agency, as evidenced by what the deep dive comparisons that the Opposition Strategy might reveal. That thought prompts another one.

“Hey, J? Do a quick scan through the Not Nows and Not Yets, in projects. I want to know whether anyone’s done some poking around in the past two weeks.” The blender stops, and Tony adds, “Hell, add the current ones too, note any unusual access.”

After a minute, JARVIS says, “Two files show anomalous access, both by Mr. Stane after hours, approximately eight days ago.”

The knot is back. “Hit me.”

“Multiple copies of the Repulsor technology details and schematics in various places, some encrypted. Single copy of the Sonic Taser, encrypted. Access was from his private residence.”

“Obie, Obie, what are you doing?” Tony says, brows furrowed. “Didn’t the government threaten us with new legislation if we didn’t completely scrap and bury that Taser?”

“Colonel Rhodes likened pursuing the project further to ‘peeing on the third rail in public, within a mile of an elementary school,’ yes, sir.”

“He’s just jealous he didn’t get a working ‘Get Out of Indecent Exposure Charges Free’ card from MIT security,” Tony laughs. “God bless gender quota hiring.” A second later, he freezes in the act of taking a sip of his smoothie. “Son of a bitch. Obie didn’t destroy the prototype, did he?”

“Ascertaining that will be difficult, and likely will require physical interviews, which may create more trouble than you may wish to-- wait, what am I saying?”

“You’re saying trouble is my middle name, JARVIS. Usually you’d be right, but this time I’d like to avoid the consequences if at all--” Tony gulps down the rest of the smoothie over the word ‘possible’ and sets the cup down for his robot to clean. He points at Dum-E. “If that breaks, I’ll let a group of toddlers glue the pieces all over you, wherever they want.” He gestures broadly as he back-walks to the desk.

“Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but parents generally avoid letting their small children anywhere near broken glass,” JARVIS points out.

“Well, that’s boring,” Tony observes. “What was I saying?”

“Ironically, you were discussing your desire to avoid consequences.”

“Personally, yes. I’ll reserve judgement on Stane, though. I want to know what he’s up to, first.” 

He sits down at the desk and thinks about the Sonic Taser. Its function is really limited outside of law enforcement and military use, though he had joked about using it to make the board sit still and listen to him. The thing is inherently antagonistic; the only way to avoid total, temporary incapacitation is to already be wearing earplugs before the device is activated. 

“Do they make undetectable earplugs?” he muses aloud. He takes threats to his autonomy very seriously, unless they’re hot, wearing spandex, and digging a knee into his lower back.

“You have asked that question a total of three times since my creation, and the answer has been ‘no’ for two of those times,” JARVIS states dryly.

“That’s a yes now, then? Order me a pair.” Murphy’s Law states that if he’s prepared for a threat, it’ll never materialize, but something about Obie’s demeanor lately feels vaguely threatening. He wouldn’t put it past the guy to use the Taser to force Tony to listen to him. After Afghanistan, Tony’s through being forced to do anything. At that thought, a collage of images cross his mind’s eye, all of Emory, and he has to amend his previous assertion to ‘almost’ anything.

“Analysis complete,” JARVIS says, filling Tony’s screen with various windows of information. “Advise not exercising official channels to request mission data from the military, but speaking to Colonel Rhodes, instead. Strongly suggest not revealing any knowledge of statistical data when speaking to Agent Coulson or Director Fury. Further conclusions will require an examination of the program results.” JARVIS pauses, then adds, “In summary, I predict a high chance of panty bunching. Proceed with caution.”

Tony cracks a smile despite himself. “Will do. Run the program, I’ll call Rhodes.”

Next chapter, the effects of serum withdrawal start to hit Emory, meaning that the mission must come soon; Tony seeks to reassure her and himself with a spicy phone call.

[moonwatchuniverse]

55 years ago... Clifton Williams This photo shows  USMC naval aviator Clifton Williams, who was selected in NASA group 3 as  the first bachelor astronaut, but married during training for the  Gemini X mission. He was holding his daughter, note the Omega Speedmaster chronograph on JB Champion steel mesh bracelet. Unfortunately 0n October 5 1967, he was the fourth astronaut to die in a two-seater T-38 jet trainer crash. Fellow NASA group 3 & Apollo 12  commander Alan Bean took Williams’ Silver astronaut pin and naval aviator wings onboard lunar lander “Intrepid” and left these items on the lunar surface  of the Oceanus Procellarum - the Ocean of Storms !   (Photo: NASA)