#introspect

[sanskriticollection]

Hello friends 👋

In this highly competitive world it is often natural for us to strive for greater achievement. And there is certainly nothing wrong in pursuing greatness.

But in our endless pursuit we must also not underappreciate things that we already have.

This is the only way we can ensure that we are contended (happy) and also ambitious in our lives.

Remember that happiness only resides in the heart of those who know how to be grateful! ☺

[stormchsr]

More old poetry from way back. The background is a black satin sheet. Looks good and fits the mood of the poem.

[qingzhouxi]

Introspect: Self-Analysis of Developmental Progress

Blog Post #8 Preliminary Drafting: May 6, 2023 Blog Draft Created: June 3, 2023 Blog Posted: June 4, 2023 Post-Publish Revisions: Not Applicable

I claim that I have developed myself as compared to before. But just how much did I develop? Let us see here!

I think that I have developed ever since I took Psych 101, and I also think that my self-analysis based on some psychological developmental theories may be of help to affirm this claim. I am by no means an expert regarding these theories and as such, some statements may be inaccurate in the perspective of some people. However, I will try my best to be as objective in evaluating myself with the help of the theories I selected, namely: Kohlberg's Theory of Moral Development and Erikson's Theory of Psychosocial Development. I will also make use of one mainstream personality theory, particularly, the Big Five Personality Traits. Lastly, I will also be explaining my overall health using concepts related to the mind-gut connection.

A. Pre-Analysis Thoughts

I honestly believe I have improved quite a lot compared to how I started the Psych 101 course. However, there were times when I regressed due to stress and pressure, although I think I have managed stress and pressure quite well now, especially considering my body does not show signs that I am stressed or pressured. In any case, I am pretty confident that I am more or less psychologically healthy. In terms of the concepts that I will be using below, I think that:

My moral orientation fluctuates between Stages 4 to 6.

I am currently in the Intimacy vs. Isolation stage and prefer intimacy.

I became less neurotic and less extroverted.

My mind and my gastrointestinal tract are both functioning well.

While many of these would probably be correct since I also observed that I am becoming more aware of myself and my environment, partly because of taking Self-Defense classes and mostly because of taking the Psych 101 course, some predictions may still be inaccurate due to bias. Additionally, besides the mind-gut connection that has a multitude of scientific bases, the other approaches are still theoretical and thus may not totally be applicable to my case. Considering all of these, there may be differences in the results and my predictions, hence why I also included the last part to address possible test-induced inaccuracies or my personal biases.

B. Before Taking the Course

To be completely honest, I did not have any expectations of what will be discussed within the entire course because I know that different instructors will approach the course differently. As such, I did not have any relevant test results that I have taken immediately prior to the start of the semester. However, analyzing my actions from before may be able to give insights into how I was before.

Even when I was still studying at my Senior High School campus, I already did not like conforming to norms, although this does not mean I break the school conduct. Instead, I do not like to follow what society considers normal—I do not follow fashion trends, I do not use trending apps, I do not play popular games, and many others. It should therefore not be a surprise when I say that I do not entertain beggars, I retaliate when Christians use their religion to justify wrong deeds, and I oftentimes intentionally leave people on seen.

Retrieved from https://www.psychologynoteshq.com/kohlbergstheory/

Therefore, I can say that my moral compass during this time is oriented toward Stages 4, 5, or 6 on Kohlberg's Stages of Moral Development (or Theory of Moral Development). Mostly though, since I always consider the benefit of involved parties during this time but not the law, I think I used the Stage 5 orientation the most. Stage 5 of Kohlberg's theory is when a person acts for the benefit of him and other involved parties, hence the reciprocity.

Comparing myself to others, I am a very romantic person when it comes to relationships, hence why I generally tend to be careful with the feelings of my loved ones. I also try to spend as much time as I can with people, going so far as to stay awake until past 1:00 AM if the person I am talking to is dear to me. Additionally, when given enough time to prepare, I make sure that I can give little gifts to my friends when I am going on a trip. I do not really like being isolated from my loved ones, hence my clinginess to people I care for even when sometimes, this clinginess does not show up since I repress them when I think I may be going overboard. To tell you frankly, I used to have adult separation anxiety until as recently as last year. As such, my being clingy to other people, especially my friends and family is not out of the blue. In this case, I am choosing between intimacy and isolation and evidently, I prefer intimacy, even just with those whom I consider friends. For reference, this is the conflict of Stage 6 of Erikson's Theory of Psychosocial Development, the summary of which can be viewed below.

Photo by V. Sus (2023). Retrieved from https://helpfulprofessor.com/psychosocial-development-theory-erikson-stages/

These two previous theories are age-related and since I am in the respective stages appropriate to my age, prior to taking Psych 101, both my moral development and psychosocial development are not delayed.

The Big Five Personality is a holistic assessment of an individual's personality, although it tends to only be descriptive rather than explanatory according to some researchers (Lim, 2023). However, it remains the personality theory that is the most widely accepted by psychologists of the present day. In this theory, it is said that a human's behaviors can be modeled through five traits: Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism, hence the acronym that is often used for the theory, OCEAN. I personally have taken this personality test although unfortunately, I was not able to take it immediately prior to the start of the course. However, I remember taking it last year and scoring quite high on both neuroticism and extraversion. Looking back, I agree with these results as before, I tend to get mad or upset quite easily and even outwardly express these emotions. Moreover, I was also very outgoing back then and connected a lot with the people I love and care about. In retrospect, this could have also been caused by my adult separation anxiety.

As discussed during one of my Psych 101 class meetings, there is a very strong link between mental health and gut health, which is coined as the Mind-Gut Connection. Since December 2021, I have suffered from chronic gastric inflammation called gastritis. Aside from this, if you can correlate it to my Blog Post #6, this is the same year I experienced the trauma related to my so-called "ex-M.U." Turns out, this bout of chronic gastritis could have been attributed to the aftermath of my initial heartbreak. This, in combination with the stresses brought about by the nearing application period for many universities like De La Salle University-Manila, University of Santo Tomas, Far Eastern University, the entire UP System, and many other universities, is what I claim to be the trigger of my chronic gastritis. When I consulted a gastroenterologist, he told me that he cannot pinpoint the cause of my gastritis through my lifestyle and eating habits and so, one of the most probable causes is stress. It can therefore be triangulated that stress is the real cause of my gastritis, hence anecdotally proving the mind-gut connection.

C. After Taking the Course and Comparative Analysis

After taking the course, I honestly learned so many things and while I know myself that I will not remember all the specifics taught to me, I do know that I will remember the concepts, especially those that can be applied to my life. Talking about these concepts, I will be writing below what I think I became in terms of my morality, social development, neuroticism, extraversion, mental health, and gastrointestinal health.

Moral Development

To supplement the definition of Stage 5 from before, the sixth stage of the Moral Development Theory means a person acts based not on acceptance or mutual benefit but based on what they think is right, uninfluenced by the sake of others. As such, this kind of action is fueled by an internal moral compass, adjusted to do things that do not benefit other people even just to some extent. Using this theory, I can definitely see myself fluctuating between Stages 5 and 6, although compared to before where I always use Stage 5, I now mostly use Stage 6 as demonstrated by my prioritization when taking action. Before, I always do group work first because it will benefit not just me but my groupmates too. However, now, I make sure I prioritize my individual work because the amount of work that needs to be done in this individual work tends to be much greater than in group work, thus needing more attention and focus. In addition, when choosing between responding to my friends and doing my academic outputs, I always choose my academic outputs now because while responding quickly to my friends would, to some extent, increase our closeness because they would think I prioritize them, I think academic matters are more important and are therefore my priority for the time being. And yes, I still retaliate when Christians use their religion to justify their wrong deeds and even their superiority complex. Although, instead of attempting to defend a person being attacked, I am retaliating because I think they need to be taught the hard way that anything immoral remains immoral even when any widely accepted book justifies it. In any case, I do not care whether other people agree or not with me, as long as I am doing what I think needs to be done—to prevent the justification of what I think is wrong.

Psychosocial Development

After multiple times of introspection, what I came up with is that I am still in the sixth stage of Psychosocial Development—Intimacy vs. Isolation stage, and I still choose intimacy over isolation even though I am not currently looking for a prospective lifelong partner nor am I looking forward to meeting one in the future. It must be important to note that this stage does not call for wanting a partner for one to desire intimacy over isolation. This intimacy may come from different sources like family, friends, pets, and many other similar beings. As such, my wanting intimacy with friends is enough to justify my desire for intimacy over isolation. As for my separation anxiety, it has thankfully gone away by now, although some of its manifestations like worrying about the well-being of my loved ones from time to time are still present since it has become second nature to me after suffering for so long from adult separation anxiety. Despite this, I still manage to contain my worry and I do not become controlling or overbearing when I am worried about the safety or happiness of my loved ones. Since I still desire intimacy and am also intimate with select friends, it can therefore be concluded that this separation anxiety only increased my wanting intimacy and not directly caused it.

Big Five Personality Traits

I had personally taken the test for this personality typing and if my memory serves me right, my previous test scores for both neuroticism and extraversion are higher compared to the values I received now. Screenshots of my most recent test scores that pertain to neuroticism and extraversion can be seen below.

My neuroticism decreased by a little bit while my extraversion decreased by a lot. Compared to what I can recall wherein I got 80+ for both neuroticism and extraversion, the values seen above are lower, especially the extraversion one. I think the cause of my becoming extraverted is that I am now able to know how important it is to make time for myself and what I actually need to do that benefits me, not that of other people. I used to be quite people-oriented, and I still am, the difference now is that I do not only see how important it is to connect to other people but I also see how important it is to connect to my inner self rather than ignoring it. The slight decrease in neuroticism though is much harder to explain, although I may have a lead as to why it did not decrease significantly. I am quite neurotic ever since I was a child even when I did not experience neglect, I am confident in my skills, and I do not overreact to many things. I think the reason why I still got such a high neuroticism value is because of the high-stress environment around me that causes me to constantly and deeply feel negative emotions. Although, compared to before, the level of stress I experience now is a lot more manageable despite being subjected to arguably a more stressful environment than in senior high school.

Mind-Gut Connection

I personally think my mental health is much more stable now compared to last year's—I do not always feel sad, I am not always stressed, I feel happy when doing daily things, I am interested in learning more than what was taught, and many more. Compared to before when I used to only learn for the sake of complying with the requirements, I only submitted on time for the sake of not being reprimanded, and I only kept my grades good for the sake of not being shouted at, my being curious now is a significant improvement. And my gut health also supports this, as evidenced by my overall healthier gastrointestinal tract. I now do not experience gastritis often, if at all, and I can also eat without feeling nauseous after only eating a small portion. With a small concern being erased, my mind gets put to rest, hence my better mental health. It can therefore be said that the mind-gut connection is not just a symbiotic connection but it also benefits from feedback loops wherein the improvement of one facilitates the improvement of the other which, in turn, facilitates the further improvement of the one.

D. Post-Analysis Thoughts

Summarizing the entire evidence of my improvements, the following key ideas can be seen:

My moral orientation is now oriented toward self or mutual gain, rather than being somehow bound to conventional morality.

I still prefer intimacy over isolation. I do not have problems being intimate with friends as long as the context is right. I am not seeking to have a romantic partner at the moment.

My moral and psychosocial development milestones are appropriate for my age.

Both my neuroticism and extraversion went down. I am still stressed although I can manage the feeling better now.

My mental health and gastrointestinal (gut) health are steadily becoming better. I now do not experience gastritis often.

Perhaps almost next to nothing can be added here since there does not seem to be any disparity when comparing the comparative analysis results and my previous predictions. If anything, it revealed that I am now quite self-aware as even without a lot of intentional and focused reflection sessions, I already know my current self and how it compares to my previous self.

Wooo! That was a lot. If you are still reading till this point, I congratulate you for your unwavering dedication. I appreciate you reading this blog till the end. See you again!

References:

Lim, A.G.Y. (2023). Big Five Personality Traits: The 5-Factor Model Of Personality. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/big-five-personality.html

Psychology Notes HQ. (2020). Kohlberg’s Theory [Online image]. The Psychology Notes HQ. https://www.psychologynoteshq.com/kohlbergstheory/

Sus, V. (2023). Erikson's Psychological Stages [Online image]. Helpful Professor. https://helpfulprofessor.com/psychosocial-development-theory-erikson-stages/

Word Count: ~2570 (w/o References), ~2605 (w/ References)

[oddfungi]

[execelement8423]

Rupert's drop

In the depths of my soul, where shadows dance with fragments of light, lies a tapestry woven with the threads of my existence. Each thread, a glimpse into the intricate fabric of my being, tells a story of joys and sorrows, triumphs and failures. It is a tale of resilience and vulnerability, of discovery and loss.

As I reflect upon my journey, I am confronted by the paradox of self-awareness. To truly know oneself is to embark upon a voyage that can be both exhilarating and terrifying. It is to delve into the recesses of the mind, to confront the echoes of past mistakes and to face the uncertain terrain of the future. Yet, it is within this sacred exploration that I find the seeds of growth and transformation.

There have been moments when I have soared upon the wings of my aspirations, when my spirit has burned brightly with the fire of determination. In those instances, I have felt the exhilaration of pushing beyond the boundaries of comfort, embracing the unknown with open arms. The taste of achievement has been sweet, like the nectar of a flower blooming against all odds.

But there have also been times when darkness has cast its long shadow upon my heart. The weight of doubt and fear has pressed upon my soul, threatening to extinguish the fragile flame within. It is during these moments of despair that I have come face to face with my own limitations, the harsh reality of my imperfections.

Yet, it is precisely within these struggles that I have found the most profound lessons. In the depths of my pain, I have discovered the capacity for resilience, for the strength to rise again after each fall. It is through adversity that the contours of my character have been shaped, as the crucible of life has forged my spirit with both the hammer of hardship and the fire of hope.

In my solitude, I have come to recognize the interconnectedness of all things. We are but fragments of the same universal tapestry, our lives intertwined in a delicate dance of influence and impact. Each encounter, each word spoken or unspoken, carries the power to shape the course of another's journey. And in turn, we are shaped by the countless footprints left upon the path we tread. In the tapestry of my life, I find solace and purpose. It is a mosaic of experiences, both light and dark, that have molded me into the person I am today. And as I continue to navigate the uncharted waters of the future, I embrace the uncertainty with a newfound sense of wonder and curiosity, for within the depths of my soul, where shadows dance with fragments of light, lies the essence of my humanity—an ever-evolving narrative that is both deeply personal and intricately woven into the fabric of existence itself.

[gloriajesperson69]

AI art by

[echoesoftheinfinite]

Part of the 'Wandering Echoes' collection.

[kavaleyre]

• The Hanged Man •

“Compared to what Falin went through? This is nothing.”

[poemwav]

– Rupi Kaur

[aerequets]

this post was the catalyst for this comic, and i was also thinking of a desi song lyric (tere dil ke sheher mein ghar mera ho gaya / in the city of your heart, my home is made) and just... hmmm.... leaving your mark.... making a house into a home..... when the marks a child inevitably leaves behind (messes, scribbles, and in this case stickers) eventually fade away as they grow older and you're left with the memories stored in what hasn't been erased....

im not verbalizing it very well but catch my drift?

[tarunagupta]

Meditation is having smile on your face every time

[enenkaydoodles]

Uncertain feelings in uncertain times after 5 months of being unemployed with no end in sight

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy one year anniversary to In Stars and Time!

[star-struck09]

Do you think of me as often as I think of you?