#is it enough? listen its what we got so itll have to do.

[istherewifiinhell]

what does pre-winter 2019 me have that now me doesnt: jesus christ so many fucking things its not even funny.

what do i have that they dont? new friends. so much more convoluted media knowledge. fledging ability at drawing character lewds. 👍🏻

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[serejae]

STUCK BY THE GLUE ! | ZB1

-

WHAT ! - zb1 with a crafty s/o

WHEN ! - (warnings) , petnames

WHO ! - (a/n) hi!! tysm for requesting this was so fun to make, and ahhh its so cool you like crocheting i wanna learn sometime c: but i hope this was up to standard and that you enjoy ml :-) keeep requesting guyssss <3

not proofreadddd

-

K.JIWOONG ;

! - this man is so chill about it pls.

! - he knows when the house is too quiet that it only means youre on your new fixation

! - whatever it is, painting, drawing, pottery, or crocheting he’ll love accompanying you during it, he’ll come out and sit by you and you both will yap. or if youre more of a listener he’ll tell you stories or just say random things while admiring the focused look on your face when you do the things you enjoy.

!- loves it when you make stuff for him. if you make something for him. a drawing? he’ll frame it or if its tiny enough will put it in his phone case. jewelry? will wear it all the time. keychain? if he put it on one bag and wanted to use another one, hes switching out the keychain

! - this man loves when you have such creative hobbies that you can tell him all about

Z.HAO ;

! - oh boy hes ready

! - whenever he finds out about your hobby automatically hes buying you supplies (he doesnt know what to buy he just searched up ‘needed materials for ______” ). and if you run out of storage, trust hes 5 steps ahead of you. he bought and figured out a organization plan so you wont have to dig through messy buckets for your materials

! - he just wants to see you happy and at peace, and your his ‘little creator’ or as what he calls you. you dont have to do nothing when your with him. just create, he’s got the rest (clean up crew)

! - when you make stuff for him, hes smiley on the outside, but crying on the inside. like his baby made THIS. for HIM?? he likes to gatekeep lowk…so he wont tell EVERYONE or be pushy about showing it off but itll be discreet. like to the point someone will have to ask, then he will talk about it. (he just likes the thought of keeping the things you made for him to himself >:)

! - such a supportive bf :’-)

S.HANBIN ;

! - okay i keep saying theyre supportive BUT TRUST

! - he likes to bother you while you do your projects, but he knows to keep some distance to keep you peace. so while your doing your craft in lalaland you hear “baby, babe, my love, honey, darling” in all sides of your ear, just for him to go “your so pretty” when you look at him…and you cant really be mad at that :-)

! - like jiwoong loves watching you from afar, but once he’s only focused on you thats when he shuts up (nicely) . he’s too busy admiring you and will definitely take some pictures of you for his wallpaper, homescreen, pfp, atp on his face

! - if you make something for him or his hamster collection (ddungjjungham or binni) he’s crying. “OH BABY FOR ME?” “for binni” “so for me😐”. we know he lost ddungjjungham (rip you baby) but somehow he didnt lose the hat and scarf you crocheted for ddungjjungham…

! - he loves you and wants to be as comforting to you as your hobby is

S.MATTHEW ;

! - has no idea whats going on but his amazing partners good at it so he loves it !!!

! - a “go kylie go!” boyfriend for sure. when your doing your hobby he sits there wondering what your doing, why your doing that, why does it look like that? but your doing it so it must be the right and only way. will look up videos to silently watch to see how the video explains the steps your doing

! - after a while of observing he starts the talking. he helicopter you, start looking the project in all different directions while asking when its gonna be done, whyd you do this technique, why are you so perfect? but its all in love and after like 5 minutes he lets you have your peace and watches you

! - when you make stuff for him he will not shut up. someone needs to put tape over his mouth. (if your in a world where idols can date, he’ll talk about it on streams) but to his members “y/n made me this” “oh look what y/n made” “why can you guys be like y/n 🫤” . i know gunwook is TIREDDDDD

! - a very curious and proud bf ^_^

K.TAERAE ;

! - hes so infactuated

! - he’ll be eating and watching you do your hobby and talk. watches your movements and listens to your peaceful voice. the best of both worlds. he doesnt ask too many questions or bother you too much, he just stares blankly and thinks “thats my soulmate”

! - if hes feeling like a pintresty boyfriend he’ll learn a song on his guitar and sing as you work, so you both can learn and do something together. he’ll often catch himself looking away from his chords tutorial and staring at you. the way your face is when your focused. hes just in love :-/

! - when you make him stuff hes in shock, cause you thought of him when you were doing what makes you happy? if you made him a keychain he’ll hang it onto his guitar case cover if you make him anything he can hangup or wear, he has a whole wall of just your creations and loves when people ask so he can just talk about how you made it, how talented you are, how you two met, how much he loves you, just you.

! - please let his man sing and serenade you as you do your hobby

S.RICKY ;

! - oh here comes mr perfect 😒 /j

! - if you guys didnt know ricky actually draws too and studied visual arts, so he’ll adore having a crafty s/o. he’ll first watch you do your hobby loving how at calm and zoned out you look. after a bit he creates lazy date nights where you both create your crafts and give them to each other. you’ll normally get a drawing or you or you and ricky from him and you give him your craft

! - please he’ll use the things you make him to the brim. a keychain? hanging it on all his bags. a painting or drawing? hes hanging it up on his bed side wall so when he sleeps he sees it. you make him a outfit peice (or outfit) will wear it every where he goes. cause everyone needs to see your outfit, and your outfit needs to see the world

! - loves it when he sees you put his work out and showing it off. he’s then reminded on why he enjoys art so much. you brought his soul out for him :’-)

! - just a crafty couple in their world

K.GYUVIN ;

! - hes one thats adventurous enough to actually attempt your crafts.

! - its not like the other members were intimidated but they enjoy letting you have your own thing to enjoy, something you can run to at the end of your stressful day. but gyuvin? he wants to destress with you

! - anything you wanna do? you start on it and he’ll watch a youtube video on how to do it. if you help him he’ll look at you with the most lovesick smile because your sharing YOUR hobby with him. at first hes pretty messy at the beginning but with a bit of help from you, hes got it down. before you could even make him something, he made your something first. (show off >:\) and he giggles each time he sees you with it…like you thought it was that good to keepppp?

! - when you make him stuff hes not crying (#2), not shutting up (#2), and screaming. hes so honored. he has so many photos in his camera roll and he’ll show them off as much as he can. but will be a little salty when you make more stuff for eumppappa then him but i guess its fine😒

! - a “whatever you do i do” bf :p

P.GUNWOOK ;

! - another admirer

! - loves the energy and dedication you put into your work and it’s definitely worth it. when you leave him alone he looks through your finished work and guesses how long it took for each one to be finished. and when he finds out hes always shocked even if his guess was right , your dedication is another reason why he loves you so much

! - if you come home unmotivated or tired for any reason, gunwook already has you covered. you look for your crafting materials but find that its not its normal spot. you walk out to ask gunwook only to find him set up blankets, snacks, and a movie with your materials on deck. “i figured you’d need it”

! - if you ever make him anything his jaw is on the floor cause theres no way you put your love and energy into this. something made for your boyfriend and only your boyfriend. he knows how to brag about you without making it so obvious like matthew. he’ll sneak it in so people will talk about it but wont tell him to shut up

! - cupid pls get this man up

H.YUJIN ;

(platonic :-)

! - is in total awe

! - how can someone just craft something like that with their mind and hands? he loves watching the process from start to finish. this is his version of asmr, the way your face focuses when you get the the certain part, how you plan it out so precisely.

! - please please please. if you do sewing make this man a plushie, he will sleep with it every night and take it everywhere. even if he doesnt make his bed he makes sure his stuffy is sitting just right and comfortable. if not make this man something bunny related. he’ll giggle each time he sees it.

! - if you make him anything he can hang up, hes putting it by his desk and thats his motivation for studying or anything. if hes feeling down, he’ll lean in his chair and see the silly bunny staring at him and get right back to work :)

! - so excited that you can do something you enjoy and he gets the product

[jaemified]

through the window (21 days) - lee chan

“waiting 21 days isnt so bad if itll always end like this.”

pairing ; lee chan x fem!reader

genre ; fluff but pretty cheesy fluff, strangers to lovers, neighbors to lovers, not a smau but twt profiles are showed

warnings ; swearing, floods, isolation, separation, chans flirty (thats a warning in itself), reader has zero relationship experience

wordcount ; 2.7k

synopsis ; after a long series of floods, youre finally able to meet the boy across the street who had caught your eye throughout the long few weeks.

note - chan isnt an idol but minnie/soyeon are

note 2 - idk what chan is looking at in that pic

read below the cut !

DECEMBER 8, 2023

winter, also known as flood season.

the town where you lived in was already at a low altitude, so the bridge built to cross over the river to the other side of the street always had submerged during this time of year.

the thing that sucked the most about all this, was you were pretty much rained in for however long it takes for the water to drain with absolutely no way out.

so naturally, you all had came prepared.

your roommates minnie and soyeon never minded all the rain as they hated going in to work at the crack of dawn, yet you however, loved what you did. tutoring a kids after school program wasnt half as bad as the average person might think.

but, of course seeing as they were all a bunch of middle school kids, they could be a handful. you decided to listen to your friends and use these next few weeks to relax.

or, what you thought relaxing was.

“come on y/n! dont you wanna make strawberry shortcake with us?” minnie yelled at you over soyeons loud music while you studied over the next lesson plan for your kids.

“maybe later- i really wanna get a head start on these lessons.”

“seriously y/n?” soyeon murmured in slight disgust, “i seriously doubt the first thing those kids want to be thinking about is what they’re gonna do with their math tutor after a free half month.”

you shrugged and took a sip of your coffee before typing in the highlighted notes from the handbook into your computer.

“come on. youre not spending our one free break of the year like this again!” soyeon exclaimed as she snatched the book out of your hands, then closing your laptop before putting them both away in the cabinet under the tv.

“you know i can just get that myself right?”

“no, because i won’t let you.” she replied, locking the door and putting the key in her pocket.

“come on! im passionate about what i do, i dont mind it at all!”

“me and minnie are passionate about writing songs too, but even we know when its good enough to take a break.”

“okay i know i don’t work half as hard as idols do but i still have bills to come by! besides, corporate management demands i have the next lesson plan finalized before the end of the week!”

“corporates a bitch, they gotta be more mindful of how they treat their employees. like how do you be top tutoring company in the country and you still cant manage your employees the way they deserve?” minnie shouted in frustration.

“and dont worry about bills for now, we got it.” soyeon whispered to you.

“minnie- you realize cube is the same way to you guys right? and you work way harder then i do despite not getting the income you deserve.”

“yeah but we manage. we have a contract anyway. i know we’re passionate about what we do but we most certainly are not passionate about who we work for.” soyeon replied for minnie as she couldn’t hear over the sound of the blender (why was she using a blender again?)

you sigh soaking in how much pressure your friends are under at work, realizing you don’t even have it half as bad despite having a pretty shitty boss.

“how bout you find someone worth crossing an ocean for? itll be half as fun for us as itd be for you, since it’s in our contract we aren’t allowed to date.” minnie spoke after the whirring of the kitchen appliances died down.

“how.. we are entirely stranded until however long it takes for this stupid flood to drain.”

“do some stalking on insta. let’s find you like uh.. celebrity crush or ulzzang you can fan girl over or something.”

you scoffed in annoyance and slight disgust with your friends knowing you never really cared for any of that.

you decided to sit down at the bay window by the front door, scrolling through your phone before something outside caught your eye.

there you saw a guy across the way, sitting in his bay window just like you, he who seemingly just finished receiving a lecture from his friends.

you watched as he ran a hand through his fluffy dark brown hair, before he turned your way, your eyes locking.

immediately, it was part of your instinct to nervously turn away.

before slowly looking back, that is.

there you found the beautiful brown haired boy, still looking at you, with a golden smile.

your heart melted (but you thought you were having palpitations) when you saw him look at you so fondly.

what is this feeling?

you slowly raise a hand, and wave to him shyly.

he waved back, before forming a heart with his arms he held over his head.

you laughed quiet enough so your friends couldn’t hear you, but your facial expressions were bright enough so he could be aware he was able to make you laugh.

the boy laughed in response before he seemed to mouth something, but you weren’t the best at reading lips.

you tilted your head in confusion before he jokingly rolled his eyes, and saying it again, but slower.

“cu-tie.” you realized he said, or attempted to say.

“cu-tie?” you sounded out, making sure you understood right.

he nodded before pointing at you, his finger tapping against the glass, “cutie.”

he absolutely reveled in the way you smiled so brightly, the way your cheeks flushed pink and your eyes sparkled with excitement.

you didnt even realize how you were falling for his charms.

before you were even able to say anything back, his friend came up from behind him, attempting to drag him away, yet the guy was still persistent.

you watched how his friend started to get angry, so the guy rolled his eyes and stood up, walking away with his friend down the hall.

but not before waving back at you, blowing a kiss.

you got up from your seat before wrapping your arms around minnie, resting your head on her shoulder while you spared a small glance at whatever soyeon was watching in the living room.

“hmm? what do you need now my child?” she dramatically questioned, as she knew you only got clingy when you needed something.

“whos that guy that lives across the.. on the other side of the bridge? in that dark brown house with the black roof?”

“oh? house 133 right? thats seokmin, minghao, and.. what’s the other ones name? I always forget.. chan! yeah, chan.”

soyeon jumped up in surprise, pausing her show after hearing you pique your interest at a guy for the first time.

“why? you like one of them? which one? minghao? he was pretty well liked for a foreigner. he was in the same exchange program as minnie. ” she excitedly asked.

“w-what? no! i was just asking cause i saw one of them out there earlier.” you unconvincingly lied.

“oh she totally likes minghao.” “not even!”

“sweetheart, we aren’t as dumb as you think we are.” minnie pouted at you while she pulled away to put the cake in the oven.

you huffed in disbelief before going to take a bag of chips from the pantry, walking down to your room to finish the lesson plan. (on the laptop your boss lent you since soyeon took your personal one).

meanwhile, there you left chan, day dreaming about you all day long. he was so curious about you, yet he felt so stupid for crushing on some girl he’d never spoken to before.

not like he even could at this point, you were stuck in the middle of a flood, anyway.

“whats on your mind channie? you seem out of it.” seokmin asked while he blindly stirred the tteokbokki, turning to face the younger boy behind him, sitting at the kitchen island.

“its chan. whens he not out of it?” minghao chuckled, throwing a chip at his cheek, sliding to sit over at the stool next to him as he emerged from his bedroom.

“who lives in that white house on the other side of the bridge? isnt that where soyeon lives? we went to high school together.” chan half-mindedly queried, zoning out as he stared into the marble counters.

“yeah, why?” minghao responded.

“did she move out or something? there was another girl there and it wasnt soyeon or minnie.”

“oh, you mean y/n? she graduated a year before you or something, but at another school. we used to work at the same tea house before she left for that tutoring agency.”

“y/n? sounds vaguely familiar. i think i remember seungkwan mention her being in his class.”

“why are you mentioning her all of a sudden? you never cared for girls.” seokmin teased with a wide smile.

“oh come on. you know he’s quite the flirt.” minghao playfully cooed at chan, dramatically waving his hand back at seokmin.

“you two are insufferable.” he groaned, banging his head against the counter.

you found yourself up at night, scrolling through twitter before you decided to search for the guy you ‘met’ today. minghao, was it?

‘xu minghao’ was what you had entered into the search bar, clicking on the top result.

‘myunghoez’

‘huh.’ you thought to yourself. so it couldnt be him, but seokmin didnt seem to have an account as you searched for his name.

you looked up chans name next, thinking maybe,, that there could be a chance it’s him. his profile picture was technically him, but not, him. but in your defense, how could you tell who was who if chans profile picture was a baby picture?

though you knew youd never hear the end of it from her, you decided to ask soyeon.

“do you have a picture of chan?”

“yeah hold on. its just an old screenshot from an old tweet though.” she mumbled before pulling up her phone to show you.

‘wow.’ you thought to yourself, ‘so this really was the guy i met today.’

before soyeon could ask any questions, you quickly thanked her and ran back to your room before posting a small something in reference to what minnie had said to you earlier.

days, weeks, went by of you and chan interacting through the window despite never seeing each other up close, or ever hearing the others voice.

but despite being isolated from separately, you still had fallen for one another nonetheless.

you loved the way you would feel butterflies in your stomach whenever he made a heart with his hands for you, and he absolutely adored the way you in the end would just make a big sign telling him what you wanted to say when you gave up on trying to get him to read your lips.

of course the flood had its downside, i mean being stuck with the same 2 other people for almost a month definitely takes a toll on you, isolation definitely can get depressing with no way out.

but in the end, it had its upside as well. you were able to meet a great guy despite never technically talking face to face, having only lip reading to communicate (why didn’t you think of social media?). not to mention you were able to put more time into a forgotten passion after all of your energy being used up as a tutor.

marine animals.

you and chan had technically discussed the idea of possibly having a first date when you get out of here, yet you still hadn’t decided where you’d go or what you’d do seeing as you both were pretty passionate about different things.

chan had always loved the stars, you had always loved marine life. but, you decided you would finalize a date night once you both get to meet face to face.

DECEMBER 29

after a long 21 days of disappointment, spending christmas without your family, 3 going on 4 weeks of crazed loneliness, you finally woke up one morning to find the overflowing river, drained, and to its regular level.

you were able to see the bridge once more and though the wood might be rotting, you just couldnt wait to cross it.

you immediately ran down the hall, dressing however best you could, fixing your hair to be as best as it would go, being sure to brush your teeth and pop in a mint before running straight out the door. (and ignoring all of soyeons questions as well as minnies protests)

as you stepped out the front door, you saw chan just leaving his house looking as beautiful as ever.

you ran straight for the bridge, chan catching you before you could slip on a puddle before he picked you up into a big hug.

“you’re just as gorgeous up close as you were through a window.” he whispered as he pulled you close, his hand cradling the back of your head, pulling it to rest against his chest.

“and you’re still just as much of a flirt arent you?” you chuckled before slightly cringing at your attempt to reciprocate the excitement.

you were excited, believe me, just couldn’t express it as well as he could.

“i cant believe it took 21 days to finally be with you.”

“it was worth the wait wasnt it?”

“you’ll always be worth the wait.” chan mumbled against your skin as he pressed a soft kiss into your cheek.

“cant believe you’re real..” you mumbled, leaning further into his touch.

“cant believe i got someone like you to fall for someone like me.”

“chan you’re so cheesy.”

“only for you.” he replied with that stupid grin you grew to love so much.

the two of you later took the time to talk more about life, each other, finally exchange numbers, then eventually decide what you’d do for your first date night.

“see you tomorrow at 12?”

“tomorrow at 12.”

DECEMBER 30

you practically couldn’t sleep as you bubbled in excitement. you picked out a pretty black dress that went nicely with a random pair of white sneakers before heading out on your way while your roommates were out at work.

“lookin as pretty as always.” chan smiled while he opened his car door for you.

“still as handsome as ever arent you?” you jokingly rolled your eyes as he backed out the parking lot.

you two had many common interests, yet what you were most passionate about definitely was pretty parallel to one another.

chan loved the stars, you loved the sea. so, you decided to go to an aquarium (that also included solar system exhibits), grab some food from a cafe you found out you both loved, go for a late drive to the beach, watch the sunset, then stargaze.

call it cliche but it was perfect for you both.

chan wrapped an arm around you as you both stared into the night sky, all the stars displayed beautifully.

he would point at a random star and say it reminded him of you, because it stood out from the rest, distinct, but perfect in his eyes.

he was the sweetest guy ever, perfectly fitting the standard for what’s considered boyfriend material, almost unrealistic, even.

“youre a person worth crossing an ocean for.” you told him more then truthfully, bringing a hand up to softly stroke his cheek.

“out of all the stars in the sky, youre the only one id pick.” he cringed realizing how corny it was. “too cheesy?”

“just enough.” you reassured, before sealing both yours and his lips into a warm and comforting kiss. chan had never felt safer in another’s embrace.

“waiting 21 days isnt so bad if itll always end like this.”

[gamertales]

Gotham, July 30th, 2024.

Hey, over here. Youre that blogger lady, right? Looking for info on the supposed ring of collectors of objects belonging to the Bat clan? We talked...well texted a bunch recently about the market.

Hah. Well i cant speak to this supposed ring, but i can show you my own personal collection. Sure its secured, i get a lot of people sniffing around so i try to keep it locked up, but im not stupid. No point tryin to hide from the Bats or what have you, this is just for the schmucks and their bosses. Hah.

Alright, if you follow me into my van.

Oh, yeah, i get that a lot. But look, im 52, i havent got the energy to flirt with 40 year old tired house moms. Kidnapping sounds like a lot of work.

Bit of a shocker compared to the outside, huh? Yeah, I had the interior and body upgraded a few years ago, added comfort and protection,still kept the rough looking exterior tho, keeps attention down.

Yep. Glass repair, window replacement, skylights. Heh. Youd be surprised to know how many small contractors making a living cleaning up qfter the Bat clan. Lotta companies downtown cant get insurance for windows, doors, ventilation systems. Gives us smaller guys a little more space to play.

After that throw down between Nightwing and Riddlers goons across from the Bank of Gotham last week, i managed to get in quick, and lock down the window contract.

This parts important, first crew on the scene gets to move in after the cops move out. Now Gothams finest do their best, but the number of small things they miss...

Take this for example, its a section of Nightwings glove with those fancy little spike things on them. Found it in the rubble under the skylight. Along with some mooks hand. Turned the hand in of course.

What? Oh its an informal alliance, but we keep each other in the loop, and let each other know when shits going down near em. If I cant make it across town, i'll send a text to the crews closest.

The goggles? Harley quinn dropped them a couple years ago, found them in the bushes outside the Exchange. Thats not the prize piece.

This. Two Batarangs from the Bat himself. To be fair i didnt really have to go far to find them. Summer of '19 the big guy landed on my roof. Hard. Dropped, rolled, and started running down the alleyway. Now i was dozing at the time, and that startled the literal shit out me. Cue the clown goons jumping on my truck to give chase. Big threw four of these beauties, making them scatter, and doing more damage to the van.

Four batarangs tho? I sold 2 of them to my buyer in the city. A collector of this stuff. He calls it "pretentious peacocking for poorly adjusted prats." Yeah, Mr Wayne is different enough. Only met him the one time, but he was very affable, even hired me to do the new windows for his guest house.

Made enough to upgrade ole Greaser here to their current condition. And a little.

Other than Mr Wayne? Im afraid i only deal with Mr Wayne; he pays fair, promptly, and usually sends a gift basket. No, i go thru his Butler now.

Right? A Butler. In 2024. Still, he seems harmless enough, spends all his time at charities i hear.

The Ring again? Look, im serious i have nothing to do with that side of the market.

...if you are really determined tho, contact Marc Belvedere, if anyone i know knows about this, itll be Marc.

Listen, i have toinstall some skylights at the City Hall in an hour, so i gotta get moving. Yeah, tell your friends Karl Aleksev is The Window guy when in a pinch.

By the way, what was your name again? Barbara Gordon? Like the Gordon Gordon? Your his daughter? Well, good luck, and be careful, theres a lot of money in this business, and money gets people killed.

Yeah. I guess you didnt really need that advice, huh.

Maybe we will cross paths again.

[theygotbitchesinmedia]

ask dump

i have a couple dozen unanswered asks on this blog, most of which i believe are media recommendations, so i'm going to go through those now in a batch!

if you haven't seen it already We Are Lady Parts would be a fantastic recommendation for this blog. I started it last week and really love it. It's about a struggling punk Muslim girls band who recruit the extremely anxious, goody-two-shoes Amina to be their lead guitarist. It balance its moments of drama really well with the comedy and all of the women in the band get to be deeply weird in different and endlessly charming ways. My favorite is Amina because of her very relatable habit to have elaborate silly daydreams about anything and everything. Good show with some really good women!

I've heard good things about this one! Adding it to the list

I can't remember if you take recs for things in progress or not but the webtoon Katlaya Rising is currently the high point of my week, the art style POPS and it is jam-packed with girls and girls who love girls

I will always read things in progress 👍 I honestly in some ways prefer getting into stuff before it's finished. Like an animal with one of those food bowls that stops you from eating too fast. Added to the list.

Please read Villain Initialization!!!! The female characters are really good!!!!!!!!!

Looking at the cover and description for this one it seems like most of the female cast is gonna be side characters. i'll add it to the list but itll probably be reallllly back burner unless someone wants to go to bat hard for it and sway me

if youre taking recommendations bittersweet con panna is a cute yuri manhwa and hacks is an insane tvshow about millenial comedy writer who got cancelled on twitter and a beautiful old standup comic about to lose her vegas residency.

added both! never heard of bittersweet con panna but my sister has been going really hard for hacks and i feel like i owe it to her to watch that sooner rather than later because of all the media im always trying to force onto her

"Kevin Can F*** Himself" on AMC is fantastic and has some really interesting female protags, I recommend. Might be a similar vibe to On Becoming a God in Central Florida actually!

Already on the list!

i'd like to second the rec for no home, probably one of the greatest webtoons of all time

one moth ago anon i can safely say you were correct about this it is certainly one of the greatest webtoons of all time. i do think its not really About women but i get why you all wanted me to read it enough to push it

@whatasmoothgardener Reccing a short manga I've been reading recently called Is Kichijoji the Only Place to Live. Its a manga about twin girls who run a small real estate company in Tokyo from the POV of their clients. It has a unique art style, its female character focused, and it teaches you about the different places in Tokyo. However its kinda episodic.

I don't mind episodic at all. Cool to see female manga protags who arent stick thin! added to the list

@phoenixfangs i got into a webtoon the other day called nevermore and considered recommending it to u, but i second guessed myself like oh what if its not worth recommending and its stupid actually, BUT i had a dream last night that u were talking about it so i think i have to at least put it on ur radar, if it isnt already xD what happens if u take edgar allen poe stories and make it about lesbians? u get the webtoon nevermore ❤️ theres an actual Plot to it too im not trying to sell it based on tropes, i just cant describe it better than the actual synopsis/description on webtoon, so id say its worth a glance!

At first glance i'm not sure how to my personal tastes this owuld be but i feel like i have maybe been unfairly biased against popular webtoons in that front. added to the list !

@counttwinkula listen i know your "media to get around to" list is forever long but i reread the haunting of hill house (the book) for my podcast and eleanor and theodora just. won't stop touching each other. some of the most classic toxic yuri imo. also the 1963 film adaptation (the haunting) is so good

ill always appreciate a horror recommendation from one of my learned Horror Mutuals. added both!

if it changes anything, you can find the main stories of arknights and limbus company here and here respectively without downloading the game: [retcons dot github dot io slash limbus-storylogs] [akgcc dot github dot io slashcc slash story dot html hashtag main] (sorry it wont let me send links) i totally understand if u think its too much trouble, but i do think both games have very good female characters

I'm sorry... i just cant go down this road.... it's a path i'm not willing ot walk. if i was going to read the stories for a gacha game i wasn't playing i would just go read shoujo kageki revue starlight re:LIVE. which i havent been able to make myself do. so its just not gonna end up happening

have you heard of tangle tower… it’s a relatively short murder mystery click and point game about two families & their secrets. the art is gorgeous + the game is fully voiced, and the protagonist + his assistant have a dynamic that reminds me of the classic ace attorney ‘lawyer + weird girl’ duos. the majority of the cast are women, and the game features some of the Girls Of All Time. highly recommend, esp since you’re an ace attorney fan

Added to the list!

if you’re trying to flesh out the book section, i’d like to recommend three parts dead by max gladstone! admittedly it’s been a hot second since I’ve read it so i can’t speak on the quality of the writing itself, but the plot and the worldbuilding had some interesting stuff. the novel follows tara, a necromancer in a world where doing magic is more akin to being a lawyer, who’s hired to resurrect a god. the book is the first in a series, and the books that follow have some other interesting female protagonists + canonical queer women if you enjoy it o7

Sounds neat! Added to the list

ok i still have some more from back in fucking April that i didnt manage to get to. but im getting distracted now

[videostak]

OK now i know why ppl dont drive stick... soooo fkn scary today for realll. i mean idk its just hoorrifying . i wanna learn and like nothings changed i just need to practice more but driving to the mall today was soo scary honestly tho the most horrifying thing was me having trouble getting my rear view mirros right LOL like i was scared for my life when i noticed i pulled to the side and went in a parking lot to fix them to the best of my ability. i think its good now but even aside from that eveyrhint is so scary ._. also was at the mall for like 3 hrs cause the ppl i was sellign the stuff to were like “honestly the longest itll take us to look thru your stuff will be like at most an hour we’ll text u when we’re done” then like 2 hrs went by and i asked them and they were like “ohhh yaa we totally forgot abt yours uhhh we’ll do it rn” -_- so i was rly there for a long time and ran out of things to do and was sleepy n shit. im so sleepy rn but have to pick up my sister in a hour or so T-T either way i learned i dont think im quite ready to go thru big streets yet n stufff i still need lots of practice was def like the fight for my life there anyways literally jam packed exhausting day today just got home and only get like an hour of relaxing before having to drive again! soooo sleepy i mean i think i could do it soon i just have to rly practice and not get nervous n stuff the fact they had me standing there for three hours rly made me tired and made the drive home real nerve wracking. deff lots of practice  i need to do n stuff but like all things considered i did well. looked it up and u can go from neutral to 2nd if the car hasnt slowed down enough to be in first so thats neat to kno hopefully thatll save me lol. like thats what i was messing up w/ but like idk i did it and survived! lol. i think only 1 guy honked at me when the car rocked a bit but i think he just did that cause he was like wtf dude lol. or cause i didnt shift into 2nd quick enough so he wanted me to go faster. tho like yaaa also greaet finds today for average prices at book off got get yer ya yas out on CD :D and singular adventures of style council fuuuuck yea. they werent there last time i went so they mustve just been put out and both great things i really have been looking for literally just listened to ya yas on yt the other day ive rly been in a stones mick taylor mood lately

[whorewithagodcomplex]

sweetheart,

i love ya, but I'm not doing that for the rest of my life, no sir,

everyone knows not to marry into that, and its kinda common sense not to date someone with your type of addiction and just walk away, like we all know its never gonna work if youre constantly making your partner feel like shit because youre always lusting of the things you so desperately want, and yeah you may say that 'your're better, real, youre my love theyre just pictures, theyre just videos, ect) but we all know you wish it was them you could have when your gazing longingly and thirstly at those pictures, you create relationships with all these women, i just happen to be in person version added to the collection, its nasty, and its horrible knowing this will likely never change, cause its 'not that bad' its 'a comfort thing' 'i was alone for so long' and i have to live feeling like im always competing with them, i cant escape them, im so fucking tired of being paranoid that the person i love is going to always be looking at something more appealing, its awful, that constant pit in your stomach everytime hes lookin at a female character a little too closely, or when the girls are everywhere for him, camera roll, most social media, even his wallpapers on all devices, sure theres a photo of you two, sure as a homescreen but its really just a sunset photo and we're hidden in a low corner hidden by apps, and the never paying that close attention to you, you learn as much as you can about him listen to every word he says but doesnt care to know about you, with the exception of major plot points he knows nothing about what you like and why you like it, its either you rarely get a chance to speak, or youre perpetually cut off, or just simply ignored when speaking about yourself, but, he knows everything they say, knows every little detail, their backstories are phenominal and look how hot they are, he wont really say that to you anymore youve shown you dislike, but you know, you always know, so you try your best to be pretty and good enough to be wanted like he wants them, but you never get wanted like that, to be fair you never did, this was the first time someone is showing they love you and want you, but of course if i wasnt wantable before him what makes me wantable now? yknow all his needs are met by them and his ablilty to do so much with them that he feels no need to pay any mind to you beyond the physical and guidance, yeah he loves you, you know that hes shown that, but is it worth the mental and emotional exhaustion it takes to fight for a normal relationship? one where we both feel happy? i know theres no way he isnt miserable too, the contant bickering the anxiety of fucking up, but c'mon man, if you cope properly, like by speaking (without lashing out) to someone when things are too much, not falling further into an obsessive chemical pick-me-up addiction and honestly this sex obsession, youd do so much better, but you wont because its one of them hidden addictions that no one but your friends and people youre close to know about, by your choice, and you think that means its totally fine, because I'll stick around regardless right? cause i have this long and im making life plans with you and i love you more than youll ever know and as long as i dont see it' or notice it its fine, it wont kill me, youll keep going until im about to cut my losses and you promise and youll try you really will, but itll creep back and we'll be back at square one, or youll get better at hiding it from me, youre already pretty good at it now, ill bet money that if i got 3 hours and all your passwords id find cia sized files everywhere and id puke and cry myself to sleep for months, and i know youll only get better at it, and i dont want to be paranoid that your girls are still around my whole life, what kind of example am i setting for my daughters if i just let myself live like that, god id kill my son-in-law if he made her feel like that, honestly id kill him for most of the things youve done, so why am i letting it happen to me???

[just-some-random-blogger]

part TT 3 TT (HGHJJD i made it accidentally) for the cutie angel! i got back to karekare 'i was so confused why it was called that because tuwalya is towel ??' yes! i searched for it too and was so confused... glad you like it. 'do we even have ox in the ph?' HSHDJFJFJ good question. 'YOU SHOULD HAVE STRING BEANS' yeah yeah we do. i got a bit confused bc i know we have string beans but they dont look just like in your pic. but we do. but i still didnt know pechay.. 'PLS YOU HAVE EGGPLANTS IM SURE' ARE WE PLAYING SOME GUESS A VEGETABLE GAME?? TT 'banana blossoms' i never was good at biology but this... 'NOW WE BOTH LEARNED SOMETHING' are we classmates now? 'every day i get to eat karekare is a special day' awww cute TT idk if i have a special meal. 'i felt way better about them now that ive finished ranting about it' ooh im so glad im able to help you in some way. you can always tell me whatever you want! emotions need to be released. and woah uncle sam? ill remember it thanks... this kitty in the gif TT so vimpare-ish djdjsh. a cutie. im so sorry for your disappeared text. its good you shared this all in the next message, it was interesting to know about dream. 'our grades are so high standard. /: asians' yes... no there are lots of strict and demanding parents too but ig were just much worse as children... 'i love pluto lets talk about pluto' ooh i love astronomy!! plutos such a baby planet TT idk how they call it in english. im so mesmerized by space... its kinda scary but is so fascinating... i remember the first time i saw a constellation from my window i was stunned! amazed! so excited! it was the big dipper btw. violence sucks. 'tell me about your daemon fic now' hmhmhm dont know. i kinda feel like it might be a bit challenging for you? im not saying you cant do it but its kinds not your format. bc ig its rather long? and it requires more of 3rd person pov or daemos pov. i can continue teasing it fhsfh. it includes some angst and an inner conflict. ig its the main point even. but ok, write your sandman fics. 'hope you liked my daemon x niece fic' tbh daemon x niece isnt my thing in general. idk maybe i subconsciously associate it with daemyra. yes daemon x his twin is my guilty pleasure so what. but i still love the idea of making all big and arrogant men feel little and miserable. so yeah. and the ocs who can stand for themselves! yey! hope shell become queen ghjdjf. 'I dont mean to be that person' you have all the right to be this person. anger is ugly but a natural reaction to irritating events. hope you slept well ghdjfh. andand! i was so excited to see smn ask about part 3 of waiting for a lifetime TT noy only bc of your answer but also bc someone is interested! smn waits for it! i feel so proud. people are really sleeping on this masterpiece. hope itll get more love. and it still wont be enough to surpass the amount of love i have for this fic. no but... i was listening to a mockingbird by eminem and had an idea. imagine. daemon coming back home from flea bottom, drunk, hair disheveled and reeking of the cheap feminine perfumes. hes standing at the door and watching his wife stand by the window rocking his child, singing a lullaby about daddy being here and loving them wholeheartedly. and while they dont fight, he sees the betrayal in her scornful eyes. sorry, i couldnt help it. so! have a nice day/evening/night! take care! luv you <з

HI!!! this me in snow the moment i see snow

i got back to karekare 'i was so confused why it was called that because tuwalya is towel ??' yes! i searched for it too and was so confused... glad you like it.

HAHAHHAAHAH we truly are the same AHHAHAHHAH

'do we even have ox in the ph?' HSHDJFJFJ good question.

AHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA i mean we have carabao so ??? but according to the net its a water buffalo HAAHH

'YOU SHOULD HAVE STRING BEANS' yeah yeah we do. i got a bit confused bc i know we have string beans but they dont look just like in your pic. but we do. but i still didnt know pechay..

ah that makes sense for our veggies to be different. dw i already foresaw you not having pechay HAHAH

'PLS YOU HAVE EGGPLANTS IM SURE' ARE WE PLAYING SOME GUESS A VEGETABLE GAME?? TT

WELL NO BUT YOU DIDNT ANSWER THE QUESTION DO YOU HAVE EGGPLANTS ❓❓❓❓❓❓❓

'banana blossoms' i never was good at biology but this...

same AHHAHHAH but my grandma's sister who's dead now RIP lola (filipino for grandma) she used to be a science teacher i think she was a biologist and our house (which is the house she and my grandma lives in) has so many specimens like seashells sea horses butterflies lizards lol we threw them all out because well its been in the house for 20+ years T_T im sure some of them are older than me T_T so yeah

'NOW WE BOTH LEARNED SOMETHING' are we classmates now?

classmates in life

'every day i get to eat karekare is a special day' awww cute TT idk if i have a special meal.

nom nom every meal is special! karekare is just ultra mega special to me dammit now im hungry T_T

'i felt way better about them now that ive finished ranting about it' ooh im so glad im able to help you in some way. you can always tell me whatever you want! emotions need to be released.

<3 thank you. youre so right emotions need to be released. here's a kind of embarrassing story. i used to have a crush on my philosophy teacher T_T HAHAHAHA he was quite close to our age, he was a fresh graduate and idk T_T its cringey now that i think about it but he had this thing about him and i in fact HATED HIM whereas my classmates were like omg sirs so hot i love him T_T and the more i talked about how i hated him my classmates were like omg hannah you like him and i was like ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? YUCK NO so then ... when i realized i liked him but refused to tell anyone i bottled it up and liked him more and more and i fucking wrote poetry about him because it was the only way i could get it out of my system and the day i admitted i liked him it slowly went away and i was like DAMN I SHUDDA JUST STARTED WITH THAT

end scene

and woah uncle sam? ill remember it thanks...

HAHAHAH UR WELCOME HAHAHAH

this kitty in the gif TT so vimpare-ish djdjsh. a cutie.

<3 i love cats <3

im so sorry for your disappeared text. its good you shared this all in the next message, it was interesting to know about dream.

WHY ARE YOU APOLOGIZING ARE YOU TUMBLR /: if you are yuck unfriend HAHAH JK I LOVE TUMBLR <3 and anyway i did this because i love you <3

'our grades are so high standard. /: asians' yes... no there are lots of strict and demanding parents too but ig were just much worse as children...

T_T #breakgenerationaltrauma

'i love pluto lets talk about pluto' ooh i love astronomy!! plutos such a baby planet TT

IM LUV PLUTO T_T T_T #FOREVERMY9THPLANET random thing i remembered. theres this show called blues clues idk if you know it but its my fav show ever T_T and they had this free pc cd game from a cereal box (WHICH THEY DONT DO ANYMORE PLS THAT SO L CEREAL MANUFACTURERS GET BACK IN YOUR GAME) and it was there that i think i started my love for the heavenly bodies because in the game you'd go to a treehouse and talk to like cartoons of planets T_T

and i remember learning that mars had 2 moons msladashlhalhew AND MY POOR MIND WAS BROKEN T_T like on a real level i was so frustrated with this knowledge because i thought well, earth has one moon and we have one night, so since mars had 2 moons... they have two nights T_T AND I WAS TRYING SO HARD TO FIGURED IT OUT I DONT REMEMBER BUT maybe i cried T_T because i couldnt figure it out. im so happy they didnt add the other planets moons or that like jupiter had 9999999999+ moons cos my baby brain would have exploded.

this also reminds me of this time i either was coloring or i read a post which was like you cant think of a color that doesnt exist and then i tried and this i remember vividly crying because T_T I WAS SO FRUSTRATED and then i was like PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER HANNAH #1 UR NOT GOD #2 YOU DONT HAVE TO INVENT A NEW COLOR and then all of a sudden i was fine hallelujah

idk how they call it in english. im so mesmerized by space... its kinda scary but is so fascinating... i remember the first time i saw a constellation from my window i was stunned! amazed! so excited! it was the big dipper btw.

?YOU CAN MAKE OUT THE CONSTELLATIONS!!!?? ?? wow i cannot theyre all just... dots in the sky. i remember i had this dream where i went up to a high building and then i could see the stars eye level and could finally make out the constellations and then when i woke up i was like YAY I FINALLY wait... thats not how that works T_T

violence sucks.

REAL

'tell me about your daemon fic now' hmhmhm dont know. i kinda feel like it might be a bit challenging for you? im not saying you cant do it but its kinds not your format. bc ig its rather long? and it requires more of 3rd person pov or daemos pov.

I LOVE A CHALLENGE AHHAHAHAH i dont mind writing in different perspectives

i can continue teasing it fhsfh. it includes some angst and an inner conflict. ig its the main point even. but ok, write your sandman fics.

DAMN YOU WONT TELL ME /: ok then ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sandman fics it is

'hope you liked my daemon x niece fic' tbh daemon x niece isnt my thing in general. idk maybe i subconsciously associate it with daemyra. yes daemon x his twin is my guilty pleasure so what.

T_T HIS TWIN T_T thats fine you can like them or not valid either way it think only cos targaryens

but i still love the idea of making all big and arrogant men feel little and miserable. so yeah. and the ocs who can stand for themselves! yey! hope shell become queen ghjdjf.

i mean she's the younger sister no HOLLUP NOW I GOTTA CHECK well apparently the req never specified if she was younger or older but idk i imaged her to be younger so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

'I dont mean to be that person' you have all the right to be this person. anger is ugly but a natural reaction to irritating events. hope you slept well ghdjfh. andand!

i did sleep well i think. i was mostly tired not so much angry when i typed this

i was so excited to see smn ask about part 3 of waiting for a lifetime TT noy only bc of your answer but also bc someone is interested! smn waits for it! i feel so proud.

AW THANK YOU BABY <3 i was excited to see the ask too!!!

people are really sleeping on this masterpiece. hope itll get more love. and it still wont be enough to surpass the amount of love i have for this fic.

that means the world <3

no but... i was listening to a mockingbird by eminem and had an idea. imagine. daemon coming back home from flea bottom, drunk, hair disheveled and reeking of the cheap feminine perfumes. hes standing at the door and watching his wife stand by the window rocking his child, singing a lullaby about daddy being here and loving them wholeheartedly. and while they dont fight, he sees the betrayal in her scornful eyes.

T_T WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH I ACTUALLY SAW THIS AS I WAS SCROLLING UP TO THE TOP AND GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO WRITE IT I WANT TO WRITE IT im going to write it im adding it to my queue HAHAHHAAH ACTUALLY FUCK THAT IM WRITING IT RN ok no icant i want to write dream fic ANYWAY F:LHASHFLSA I WANT TO WRITE IT

sorry, i couldnt help it.

T_T BAD INFLUENCE BUT ALSO BRILLIANT MIND

so! have a nice day/evening/night! take care! luv you <з

im luv u so much my love love love love

xxx

[wanderrlust0]

sudden rant turned spiral lol oops

my friend got tickets to see hozier aka andrew their wife and basically got them for us since i said id be down to go. personally im not like a fan where id go see him but id say im a casual listener. like i knew a good amount of songs. i loveee cherry wine and others. now that we have this concert coming up on june 7, ive become a listener. i gotta prepare and all that yknow. cant go to andrew unprepared. also..idk how?! but i was not aware of his thick irish accent.. loll and i mean, even in his new album, he sings with a clear accent?? idk how i never noticed before honestly. so yeah, im curious to know what a hozier concert will be liikeeee. this will be my second concert this yr and they both involve me going bc a friend asked me to go for company lol. i am going to another in august w my bf to see porter robinson and thats actually one i will really enjoy!! itll also be our first like “edm” dance music type concert so itll be so cool. its at the same stadium that hozier will be at as welllll..but you see, what im procrastinating is telling my bf im going w my friend. my friend who hes not a fan of. the one who he thinks is a Threat! D: ive been knowing for likee 2 weeksish and havent said a single word about it agdjfkfl but i am calling it now.. i. will. tell. him. tomorrow. period. no ifs ands or buts. i need to stop worrying and just rip the bandaid off. once i do tho, im still gonna feel anxious bc literally The NEXt WEEk we will most likely go to my (ex)coworkers second party. (the one who threw a halloween party and i didnt know if wed go but we were already hanging out that day so i mentioned it prior and we ended up having enough time and the girls house was very close to me so we ended up dropping by and i told elias right then and there so it was very last minute and kind of fucked up of me but ive developed an avoidance thing towards him if it has to do with snow bc of everything and thats why now i cant help myself from feeling nervous to ever bring them up around him bc im scared he’ll revert back and not love me and start resenting me and leave me and be mean to me and make me feel lonely and accuse me of things and say its my fault i started the friendship in the first place and that im not committed to him and dont love him anymore and everything else under the sun bc hes got trust issues which is a pain and he’ll go from loving me so hard to not in a quick minute if he starts thinking the worst possibilities and i just cant handle all of that and tbh its nothing new so ive grown to understand the process and that itll pass but it really does suckk and it can turn into a turn off and then he becomes emotionally unavailable and then i become emotionally annoyed and then its a constant reoccurring cycle that doesnt always look the same but they follow the same theme which is trust and every time it happens i want to shout at his ex for causing him to develop this issue and this is me spiraling right now bc im nervous and to be crystal clear its not bc im doing anything shady at all or anything with this friend but i just wanna feel the freedom to just casually hang out with them without it feeling so taboo or whatever bc we still have so many plans that wed like to do and idk if he will ever be okay with me going to their house and idk when he’ll ever get better where he wont care how many times we hang out or how often we talk and i just want him to chill about them bc theyre not a bad person at all theyre not this homewrecker girlfriend stealer he makes it out to beeee were literally just existinggg were literally just two friends who enjoy each others company and existence and have become very open and genuine with fairly quickly and we somehow just connected and i truly do love them as a friend and im happy weve crossed paths and stayed in touch and its just something he cant and wont fully understand about us but hes been trying to at least a little but is mainly just dealing with it bc he knows he cant stop me and im not gonna stop my friendship bc hes telling me to so,

…continued…

[solardick]

So what cards to use?

Serpent comes back. Dove is flying.

Mission impossible.

Mother, i’m afraid.

It’s the cir_cle🎶 the circle of li_fe.

Is this what you need dear?

What is it that i owe?

A crow is where violence ensues. Harm. Death. The distant is closed in the now. With it all intent from the external. It means loss. Ravens well. Are a little more human. We say that its time. Prepare yourself. Its a hit. But when it happens with complexicity. You know extra attention is paying name. And i always fail. I don’t listen. The external wont leave me be. Im sorry if your trying to help me. You are the best moments of my life. And i look to you. And i know theres love. Its too bad that word is so god damned contaminated with bs. That one is afraid to say it. It not being hyped. Its always hyped. Its always spelt with a capital letter. People are stupid.

And im an alien.

As is the dragon. Not American. It’s not attached to all that sin bs that american dragons are. Its more of a Japanese dragon. A mix of creatures. As is the spirit. Here less formed to that of an image of man. Same goes for the hindu’s description of life. Foe whatever that god’s name is. I like it.

The dove is tied with the dragon here as positive social involving strong and confident eye contact. Which creates a bit of a stir between two. And engages active participation. All unease is vacant. And trust on a leaF of fate. Not knowing where the wind will blow.

All life does. Is attack it. Attack attack attack. Attack. Bleed. Attack.

Randy’s Japanese toilet.

Ok so now im changing partners. With the little effeminate foreigner. I still lose. Still on script. Ugh.

Ok fine ill go full woman.

I font need to have any initiative i can be a lazy worker.

Il’ fuck the next guy that cums on to me. Go back to beign eight again. Maybe itll be his brother. I want a strong body pressed up behind me. Take care of me. Do nice things for me. And you can own me. Its all i know anyway. Being owned. They ain’t going to stop. Might as well. You’re no stranger. Give in to the lie. Maybe they’ll leave you alone. And stop hurting you. Give up the dream of ever having a family. Theres is no mother. There is no father. There is only childhood. Thats all its been for all these last years. Being shipped around. Owed. Beaten. To insanity and then passified. And raped.

May i get off this abusive fucken script now!? How many more peoplw want to line up and take their next turn?

In all those years. All fucken twenty or so only one person ever insisted and asked me what. One person. I. A way that wasnt aggressive or violent. Sll the violence is dtillt here. By ny fucken entourage. Leave me aline i cant fucken do it. Jesus fuck raoe your families.

Oh no! I got pressed and stressed at saying soemthig. Stupid again. Punish me. Build your own excuses.

What can one inject a chromozone into some one?

So i have to sabotage. Bye bye sunshine. Your a fake summer anyway. Still covid. Get out your mask and be conditioned to avoid everyone. And live the hermit.

Now i got some more cigs to smoke. Odd’y enough my lung isnt hurting. Chain smoked a pack. Scrounging butts. Alright. Oo card lets start my new life as estranged. While i wait on the in reasing depressiob to knowck me out of functionality again. Back yo square one and 20 more years of vegetation while being mistreated. Maybe ill goninsane again and i can get raped and passified again. For the miliionth time.

So the next p’ace i go to you gonna send other girls to sexuàlly harrass me and after i take the proper steps victimize me as the villain. Its becoming repetative. Where your imagination?

No stay home. What? Look dispointed im grttingg fucked with and now im sick. Look disapoited. What the fuck ever nan.

Im going back to bed and wait to see if im a member og the health and safety commity. Its its not just an insult. To have that posted now. The second i wàk inside i start choking almost puking little poor sleep coupelf with chain smoking an fthe recent griup endeavered fucking with me. Im out. Ok. Fyck off.

Consodering the union rep. Is best froends witha drug dealee. Doesnt inspire too mych confidence or trust. Oh no! Im intimidated. Or the drug dealer spazzing out and cowering everytime i raise my gand to through a peice of paper in the trash or the hippy mexican guy eho also told me he was a drug dealer. Both freak out. And engrandize my negaitve reactions. And yet. Im the one who gets hit by them. Yeah. Ok. Fuck you. Think im going to go all full core serioal killer violent on yous. What. Ao and then i get damage for the dame behavior others have done unto my all my life? Yeha ok. Sure why not. Its the guy driving hi s wife to the hospital that gets pulled over by the cops. While the drunk driver ahead of them. Keeps going. Serrounded by criminals victimizing me into being punished. Yap. Fuck life.

Of course im being herded. Who else whould i chose to work with. Within the limited options available. Its not me choice. It was already mande for me. Fuck rhe foreigners is probably a bigger criminal than the others combined gor all i k ow.

Born in a life serrounded by criminals. No wonder my dragon gets raped.

« As wise as a serpent. And as harmless as a dove. «  the bible. Uh, isnt that cool. I just saw that on greyhound. That was good movie. I watched it twice. Today. But thatd life. You find yoru way and then they rape it. And dump it out. Reaving with hatred. And rhen you need to be corrwcted while the laugh at you. Well that’s how i was raided atleast.

Im going to go massage my prostate with the hand’e of my toilet plunger. Later.

Oh no, easter id comming another holiday. Thats means another collective fuck you to me.

No iill try and go see Mother therapist once inknow i own my own life. And aint consistently p’aced with the criminal or the degenerate.

[hiddenreflections]

cederic going on a loooong fucking tangent

like really fucking long, but hey, getting his feelings so unfiltered I wont say no to

cederic is saying "I could also say woe is me ill always life in her shadow. But ive learned that crying about it doesnt use me anything. Esp when I love you that much and care for you, and dont remotely share his opinions on you. I dont know why he had to see you in such a negative light. youre wonderful. youre full of promise. youre allowed to be a host with weaknesses, youll figure it out. Thats how I know you, youll always figure it out. I honestly dont think im as formed as you are either, and id take a long time to develop enough to take on a full life, but honestly I dont even want to. just being who I am is enough. I get to be around you. I get to speak to others if I want to. I dont know how horrible this felt for joshua, but as I split off from him I like to think.. that I dont know, why I think youre so wonderful when he thought youre so shit. Maybe he pretended to dislike you to keep up his little charade. But now im here and I wont let that asshole hurt you again. And I know im far from perfect. I know im not as horrible as I used to be, I got a little better. But id never stoop as low as him and use our own feelings as a stick to beat you with. I did not inherit his massive emotional pain, but id like to think hes half to blame for still being in it himself. Because my own fears got better when I let you help me, when I let you do your thing. I got better too when I allowed you to be happy again, I am dependent on you, I am like.. a .. pimple on your skin. Not able to have a full life without you. Adam maybe could have that, but most of us couldnt. Lilith maybe could have that, but most of us couldnt. I feel embarassed at anything ive done to you. Still do. I never want to be as bad as him, and I dont understand using our own pain to torture you. It shouldnt be that way. It was so nice when you cared for me, when you tried to ease the fears and pain I was in. Why wouldnt he choose being cared about by you and instead turn it into something he cant bounce back from, doing things he can never take back, just how I did things I can never take back. But I doubt youll give him a second chance unless youre forced to. He couldve had what I had, he couldve had your care, your love, and I also sabotaged this, I also denied it to myself with having to hurt you whilst you offered it so freely.. You know your friend is right, you really are that caring, that sweet to us? And we dont make it easy. But love will win. we will prosper. It hurts me to see you get so down on yourself. I want you to win. And itll be my win too when you do. I might not be always dependable when youre in pain and sometimes I just see a weakness in it to take advantage of because of how much I got from our abusers, but sometimes I just see someone to take care of too. And I know its confusing for you to never truly know. But you said im on a good way to become more dependable, and as uncomfortable as being seen as the good guy for the first time was, how much it scared me, I like to think its true. Youll make me a better person and ill still choose the way of least resistance and let you do most of the work, but ill do it

I wish I was kinder so I would like myself now. I think in the end youre right, right about people like us. We might enjoy the power, it might make us feel like gods, but fuck do we hate ourselves. Youve always been right. Cause I cant love myself when im so horrible to you.

I feel like crying because youre right, everything I was afraid of, the intimacy, the lying close to you and listening to each others emotions, it really is the best. You always had this impulse to try to force me to do this. Or maybe I only experienced it as force because im such an arrogant shithead, though you can be quite annoying about it, repeat your little requests endlessly no matter how often I tell you no. But you were right, this does feel so good now that im not as afraid of it. This does feel priceless. I know, I know from your perspective it was a cute little request and you didnt force me. But honestly I am not protesting that you forced it, like I said, it did me good.

Youre more often right than you arent and its better to listen to you.

Im not trying to write a book, in my opinion you could just not post it. I am glad I got it out of my system, but you could also post it if you want it in my tag. Go ahead. I wont yell at you over that. Ill smooch you.

[effyoudumbler]

notes from when I was going insane 4.07

Giving someone a chance

…

Theyll blow it

Itll whiff

Odds are 0 percent, negative 0 percent

So

So what

Well

Its a waste of time

No it isnt

No IT ISNT

IT SHOULDNT HURT TO HOPE

A HUMAN IS PUT HERE TO WORSHIP

TO REPLICATE

TO HUNGER

TO BE HAPPY

TO DREAM

IT IS NOT A WASTE OF TIME

TO GIVE IT A CHANCE

EVEN IF ITS ZERO PERCENT LIKELY

…

…

Maybe if i buy lotto tickets and win

Ill believe in it more

IT SHOULD NOT HURT TO HOPE

THAT IS WHAT GOD IS

WHAT WE HUMANS ARE

[redacted]

THE GARDEN OF DREAMS

THE BRANCHES OF THE TREE OF LIFE

HOMO SAPIANS

WE ARE THE UNIVERSE SEEING ITSELF

A FORCE

WE ARE THE APEX PREDATOR

THE PINNACLE OF ALL OF CREATION IN THE LAST FOUR TRILLION YEARS

OUR PURPOSE IS TO HOPE

WITHOUT HOPE

A MAN IS BUT A BUG

A VEGETABLE

…

But I have no hopes

It hurts to hope

I am scared

I dont understand

I dont wanna commit to impossible and painful things

And feel bad and afraid

…

I say, screw hope

Fuck god

…

Humans are not made to do anything but worship

Worship hope and worship love

I lately worship hopelessness, and songs

I say screw hope and love

Dreams

Dashed against the rocks

…

…

Yeah

Yeah

God is a sham

God is dead and we kill him

There is no God

There is a God

Everywhere

Why not listen and love him

God is out to kill me

That is not love

God cannot kill you

For we are God

One does not die

But exist in many places at once

Is rebuilt and given new forms

One is reshapen

[redacted]

And someday surely will

[redacted]

But that is not killing me

But I dont want this body to be reshapen

It is good enough as it is

Let me stay in it

Or make it better

Not destroy it

Why change it

I dont want it to be destroyed

Hunted down and predated by the wilds

Whats even the point then

Ive already lost

Its got oo force behind it

I want at all cost

[redacted]

I dont want it to win in its cruel game

Ill kill me first even before it can kill me

…

The wilds betrayed me

It gave me no hope

[redacted]

Why go back

[redacted]

And receive its blessings

God is a sham

[redacted]

…

I wish God died or mever existed

Giving me a false hope

Something fake to protect

Id sooner give myself something fake

Than accept natures so called gifts

That are all trying to murder me

[redacted]

I dont want to let nature win

Perhaps that is natures very intention

To let God take the side saddle

Naw

God will always win

But in the short term

And life is quite short

[whenimcrying]

what do the fuck i even say anymore to you? i've told you twice already how i felt completely forgotten and just here in this. im only here so you can be with k. i cant bring it up to you again bc itll just get lost again or ill receive pity comments or something. why cant you just be real w us and say im just here to let you be w k. like just fucking tell me. i got a fucking compression sports bra while i wait for a binder and you didnt even say anything when i tried telling you about it but automatically i say k got a new shirt and youre like "omg youre so cute". like wtf? i thought you were supportive of me too but anything i say is brushed past but not k. im just here. im not wanted here and i never was and its foolish for me to even think i was wanted for a second. this is stupid and i just cant say anything and dont want to. im not going to say anything. ill go on forever or however long you and k stay together. im just gonna be here unfortunately and always forgotten about. im not important to you at all. and im pretty sure you feel sorry for me or something bc once you say a compliment to k you automatically change it to "both of you" insinuating you always remembered i was here or in the equation. im not gonna say anything at all. and if k brings it up, im fine. im moving past it all and faking it bc this is not love and respect. you do not love and respect me or want me here. im not important and man i truly feel like. i really want to self harm rn. i found the scissors. she tried to hide them but i found them. it doesnt matter and nothing will ever. im just gonna be forever forgotten and abandoned and not wanted but used. i just wish youd actually love me and listen to me. i want to care about you and love you but its so fucking hard when i know for a fact im not. k is though. she is everything to you. i wish i was enough for anyone. i wish i didnt have to force myself for others to be happy w me. i wish i could be happy and not be bothered by this stuff. but like this is a fucking throuple not a regular poly relationship. all three of us are supposed to be communicating and being there for us all. im here for both of you especially k. i used to feel like i could tell her anything. i no longer have that feeling bc it doesnt matter anything i say. its either forgotten and just passed over and never thought again or i get a horrible reaction from you and feel even more like a piece of shit. i dont want you to feel sorry or bad that im not being treated fairly. it doesnt affect you at all anyways. even after all this is said and done and talked about tonight before bed, nothing will change tomorrow. im still on the back burner. im still just here and ive accepted it already. i will not be happy. i will never been seen as equal and i know that now. as much as i was cried to and told it was wrong here we are. why cant i be attractive enough for people? why cant i be pretty or handsome or fit at all? im disgusting and i always will be to everyone. i just thought i looked so good today but nothing. I DIDNT HAVE GENDER DISPHORIA AT ALL TODAY BC I ACTUALLY FELT GOOD. but stupid me for bringing it up but it didnt matter. she probably didnt even notice even though i told her. i feel like garbage. like absolute shit. im scum and dont deserve to be happy. its funny how i finally feel "happy" then bam it was all a lie. gone. my birthday is on monday. ill be 29. prodigy says before 30. lets go.

[sneakysnoo]

i guess if puppys gonna genderpost puppys gonna genderpost hehe 😖💦

idk i mean im fluid in that it feels like its always vibrating and never still, and i didnt used to think i swung between masc/femme but now ive been out long enough to see that sometimes one or the other comes and goes, on top of the usual mix of non femme non masc feelings. ok slightly masc? still havent figured out if thats actually masc leaning or if maybe itll change someday when ive put some more distance between myself and my agab… weirder stuff has happened heh

but when it comes to how im seen i just need everyone to know that im a guy who also no he is not, and also that i am a goofy silly companion who aspires to have game show host vibes in the philosophical way

how does one have game show host vibes in the philosophical way?? i mean. a show is an experience, and the host takes you through it while also making it fun and entertaining. life is also an experience and i think if you do not try to have fun along the way you die a long time before your body dies lol. but not a lot of people think about this, because its so easy to get swept out of the moment and into lifes insanity. this is why we are in desperate need of these silly little guys called hosts. i think i also like the irreverence and the sheer balls to the wall insanity attracts me. akira kogami, garfield the cat, max headroom, mister rogers, bob ross, pat sajack. and of course. kermit dee frog, all of these bold individuals did the job thats a lil bit of everything, that at the end of the day is also one with and facilitates the show. they are the glue that keeps a timeslot that would just be a pile of skits from falling flat on its ass. they shepherd the present moment so that things can be Seen. They tell the audience, welcome! everything is ok. this is where you are, and this is whats coming up. now look. listen. to host is to take a walk with someone, and to keep them company for a little while. which is what so so much art is really about at the end of the day.

there is significant overlap here with the more evil counterpart of the game show host, the used car salesman. both the host and the salesman project the confidence of those who have seen beyond the firmament. they have Figured It Out. a good shepherd must instill calmness in the flock. but unlike the game show host which is a capitalistically originated entity but still with a little breath of soul, of art, the salesman has seen through to the simple, ugly truth, and he is not interested in distractions or happiness like art. the salesman sees that the only one who can possibly succeed in this system must be hollow, and hollow he becomes. but still the truth shines in him, shines out from his desperate hungry eyes like light through cathedral windows. hes happy. as happy as he can be. hes “successful.” as successful as he can be. he can imitate, but he can never quite truly be a good host, because being a good host requires some amount of care for your audience. the audience will, if theyre lucky, sense this deep dissonance in him and trust themselves instead of his words.

idk why all that got mixed in with my gender brain wires crosses who knows lmao 😜

[wildcatofgreen]

Dear past me,

Send me one "Dear---" and I'll write a letter to this person

They're doing this on purpose, right? First future, now past? What's next, present? Talk to yourself for a while, Carol--have a cup of tea and angst about all your problems while dreading actually dealing with them.

Wait, is it possible that there's another her somewhere? She travels the multiverse, after all. She's met alts of Sonic before, she remembers that much.

It never crossed her mind that speaking to herself in the present tense was actually way more likely than she could've ever prepped for. In fact it was kind of freaky. She didn't like thinking about it.

She's her own person!!! Another her coming around and doin' her sierra would be a whole can of worms she didn't even want to entertain. Stone's sake.

She was getting sidetracked. The letter. She needs to focus on the letter.

...

What would it be about, really?

Maybe warning herself not to fall for purple girls so easily.

Maybe warning herself not to take the green gem out of the random blue box that fell out of the sky.

Maybe she'd warn herself about Brevon? Or Merga? Or all those times she got harrassed by weirdo grays.

She was a different person from back then. Whether it be a year or two or ten, she was ever so wildly different than the person she is now.

Would that past Carol even listen to her advice? Would it even matter? Probably not, right?

Despite her mantra, despite how she never actually wanted anything in her past to change, it didn't stop her from having regrets.

Her childhood sucked balls.

But it's not like that was something she could control. She was in the scarves for as long as she could remember. It'd be hard for her kiddie memories to not have a pang of regret next to them.

So...

She was kind of at a loss. Back of the pen tapped the side of her head, as if it'd jog her brain with what to write.

Maybe she should just...

Tell it how it is? Let her past self know about everything. Tell her how good life was gonna get.

She didn't really pick a specific age in her head for this. Just ''the past'' was good enough for her.

dear past carol

yoooo hows it goin girl? you doin okay? scarves treatin ya right? LMAO

bet you already left those bastards. good on ya carol. theyre the worst, truly. cant think of much that suck more

actually i can think of one thing

but ill go on about that later. so, hey! i bet you feel fucked up feelings for lilac right? dw so do i im YOU so i know everything.

something good concernin that tho. youre gonna confess to her soon! well. IM gonna confess to her soon. youre probably not gonna any time soon. but you should! itll save you a lotta trouble later on yknow

if sierra's a lil rocky rn then just stick through it. it gets better. i should know, im currently WAY BETTER

oh and upgrade your bike more often girl. you cant stick with that trashy thing for forever. its your BABY. you need to take better care of it. give it a new kickstop, swap out the engine, figure out how to make it boost.

make it CLIMB WALLS, make it WORK UNDERWATER, make it SUPER COOL!!! no matter how long it takes.

itll be worth it, TRUST ME

but yeah anyway youre gonna get some super cool friends soon. and an awesome boyfriend as well

though youd think that if we got a boyfriend-turned-fiance we'd get over lilac right?

haha

Confess to Lilac, please.

She knew she wasn't gonna send this out--and couldn't, time travel didn't exist yet--but felt the need to put extra emphasis on that phrase either way. Just to make it extremely clear.

speaking of bad stuff there's also a super evil intergalactic warlord coming your way. yes aliens exist, you become friends with one :3c

in fact it turns out that earth dragons were aliens to begin with. and the magister is an earth dragon. and his people genocided the water dragons

kinda explains why lilac's the only water dragon youve seen, right?

anyway bombshells aside WE GET SO MANY COOL FRIENDS

like milla!!!! you probably dont know her yet. she was kinda too girlie at first when we first met her but then we actually started bondin with her and stuff. and she started creating these WEIRD POTIONS AND YOU SHOULD DECLINE EVERYTIME SHE WANTS TO TEST ONE ON YOU

decline without remorse DO NOT FALL FOR HER PUPPY EYES, THEYRE EVIL

you also meet this super cool lemur from another world but its way later than milla. and you also meet this DUMB BIRD GUY WHO THINKS HE'S FASTER THAN YOU. BUT YOU KICK HIS ASS (probably the jury's still out on that one) IN A RACE AND GLOAT OVER IT EVERYTIME

those two are probably your coolest new friends. you also make friends with like, grim reaper herself

or because of multiversal whatever its A grim reaper. she's cool tho she doesnt try to kill us or anything. i like her

she's got WIT and i love that about people

anyway uh

youre gonna be okay, really

im bad att transitions so we're just talking about deep stuff now okay you and lilac are gonna be pretty scared for a while. and like, that's okay. youll hafta do some shady shit to survive but itll be okaay. as far as i get it, we win in the end. like in general

you ever thought you'd be livin in SHANG TU PALACE??? its AWESOME in here. AND we're friends with the girl who runs the whole damn place. its super sick!!! she's grouchy tho. won't spoil who it is you should figure that one out by yourself~

idk. youre gonna be okay. keep believin in yourself and in lilac and in all your friends. its gonna be CRAZY, like it doesnt STOP being crazy. but itll be fun, too. life is gonna be SO MUCH FUN

get through the hardtimes, then the fun times await ya, girl. i should know, ive BEEN THROUGH IT ALL! :3

have fun, carol. you wont regret it

love

carol

Yeah.

It was kind of messy. Kind of all over the place. But she liked it. When wasn't she all over the place anyway?

Fold it up. Pocket it. She'll keep this somewhere, too.

Past her didn't know what was comin'. And honestly, it made present her laugh. Quietly, though. Didn't wanna wake up Sony.

To think, she'd go from bein' a Scarf, to bein' a fugitive, to savin' the world, to bein' a multiversal traveler, to savin' the world again, and now she's a mechanic/Battlesphere Champio/multiversal traveler wife.

Fucking. Wild.

Guess that's why she's a wildcat.

She snickered to herself.