#is itachi competent????

[mixelation]

there's a post on my dash discussing who the most "competent" character in a fandom is, and some of the qualifiers for what makes someone "competent" made me raise my eyebrows..... so i'll ask:

what qualities do you think make a fictional character "competent"?

[rozaceous]

@arc-esius

no massacre au aka tsunade gets her grubby hands on mariko

Mariko is probably the only one aware of the giant bullet dodged by the Uchiha Clan being alive, but that's fine, she'll take it, everything is soooo much better like this, she can feel it.

Curse of Hatred who? Tsukuyomi? Never heard of her. Danz--well, heard of him, actually, but it was a big deal that he died, and not just to Mariko. There was halfway a coup and everything leading up to it.

Somehow, however, Mariko gets roped into becoming Konoha's bestest little Uchiha eyeball medic. She's not sure, exactly, how this happens, but she thinks it has something to do with the Uchiha not trusting a Senju with their doujutsu despite how they're the ones who put Tsunade in power in the first place. And they're definitely not letting a Hyuuga have a peek.

Mariko still thinks they should've picked Shizune.

Eyes aren't even her favorite body part! She's a spine girl all the way!

And Tsunade's still the one teaching her, so the cognitive dissonance at play here--

"Sooo," she drawls to an amused-looking Uchiha Itachi, whom she's cornered at his tea shop during slow hours. The tea's good here, but tea shops in general aren't her scene. She prefers a full-on food stall. "Say a girl needs to fix the implanted doujutsu on a man who's been allowed to have said implanted doujutsu, but she suspects there's some secret sauce underlying the mechanics of the eyeball in question. Who would that girl talk to about the secret sauce?"

"I'll let Father know you'd like to speak to him," Itachi says.

Mariko slumps. "I like your dad, but come on."

[blackbird0blog]

Naruto Fanfic Recs

A comedy of Itachi and Deidara back in time, only barely managing to pretend to be functional people via excessive applications of genjutsu. They're an absolute disaster as they plot to kill Madara (Itachi) and get used to Konoha life (Deidara), and oh boy is it hilarious.

“What did you even bring me back for?” Deidara asks. “Surely you’d work better with Kisame, yeah.”

“A few reasons,” Itachi says. He, of course, can’t ever fully elaborate on anything properly, and so he gives just one. “You have information I need.”

“Oh yeah?” Deidara asks. 

“Yes,” Itachi says, turning his face to meet Deidara’s eyes. “I need you to help me kill Tobi.”

Deidara stares and waits for Itachi to deliver the punchline, but his face is dead serious. 

“You need my help,” Deidara repeats, “to kill Tobi, the stupidest, clumsiest idiot that I've ever met?”

“Yes,” Itachi confirms, “because he’s actually Uchiha Madara.”

A very, very long silence passes, and Deidara wracks his brain for where he’d heard that name before. He’d done a lot of research on the sharingan to strategize against Itachi, and that involved reading more about Uchiha history than he’d prefer. Uchiha Madara was… he was…

“What the fuck!” Deidara yells, sitting up straight in bed. 

“Shh,” Itachi chides him, leaning over to push him back down. “You’re supposed to be resting.”

“You’re insane,” Deidara says. “There’s no way that’s true, yeah.”

“It’s okay if you don’t believe me tonight,” Itachi says, resituating himself against the wall. “He’ll make a move soon enough.”

Insane, Deidara confirms in his own mind. 

“I need to know everything about his behavior,” Itachi presses on, “and you’ve spent the most time with him.” 

“He’s stupid and loud,” Deidara informs him. “Very un-Madara like, yeah.”

Itachi keeps going like he hasn’t heard Deidara. “Anything you can think of. Habits, fighting style, likes and dislikes, allergies–”

“You want to kill Uchiha Madara with allergies?” Deidara asks dubiously. 

“If it works,” Itachi answers. He continues to sound dead serious, but then again, that’s just how he is. 

“Fine,” Deidara says, and then yawns exaggeratedly. “I’ll think about it, yeah.”

[rabidbehemoth]

Liminality Sequel (ItaSaku)

Today’s word count: 1638

[tossawary]

This is a very niche fic idea that I have no solid intention of actually writing, but... "Naruto" has more than a few self-insert fics and some of them are transmigrations into canon characters. Some of them are about OCs who do not want to be a ninja and are desperately trying to get out of it. There's usually some deliciously frustrating tragedy and horror about the brutal and inescapable military system of Konoha.

So, I thought that it would be kind of interesting to do an OC-insert into Sasuke, probably ultimately more comedic than angsty, as the OC tries to fail out of having to become a ninja, but then has to struggle against the fact that a civilian Sasuke would probably be expected to start a new Uchiha clan ASAP. (They probably have to concede to at least becoming a genin for the benefits of legal adulthood of some kind at 12 years old, even if it means being a part of the damn military.)

But even if the OC would personally love to be a parent someday, they cannot condone participating in what's essentially a breeding program for a new generation of Sharingan-wielding super-soldiers. Children who are probably going to be chewed up and spat out by Konoha someday too.

I think it would be neat to have a character treat the Sharingan like a genetic disorder that they don't want a child to suffer. I think it would have been interesting if canon Sasuke had also wrestled with the idea of letting the Sharingan die out. Fuck it, he'll adopt if he wants to be a dad someday. I also think it would be funny to have an OC-insert whose goal is to get a secret vasectomy (body autonomy!) without the leadership of Konoha finding out.

Sasuke, as soon as Sakura becomes a medical nin: "I need you to do me a huge secret favor and NOT be weird about it."

Sakura, also still currently a teenager: "You're asking me to CASTRATE YOU, AT HOME, IN SECRET, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT BE WEIRD ABOUT THIS?!"

(And there's the whole fucking issue of the "Naruto" universe having cloning, so, no, a vasectomy isn't a solid guarantee of getting out of this. But it might buy Sasuke a few years to figure out how to avoid the mad science route too if anyone tries to force marriage on him at any point.)

Even throwing aside the issue of children, even in an AU where the OC-Insert is cool with having bio children, I think it would be really funny to have a Transmigrator Sasuke announcing outright in the first Team 7 meeting that his dream is to retire super early and become a shinobi tradwife to a super strong ninja.

Kakashi: "...What?"

Sasuke, possibly talking out of his ass to troll his team and because he's already spitefully exhausted: "I said what I said. I'm the only Uchiha left to pass on my clan's techniques, so my dream is to be a stay-at-home ninja, supported by a super strong spouse who can protect my family."

I think this would break Naruto and Sakura's brains. ("Marry Hokage Naruto" is not the worst plan that a transmigrator could come up with, probably.) I think that this would be a super funny start to a Team 7 OT3 in which Naruto and Sakura become rivals for the position of Sasuke's shinobi sugar daddy/mommy. (Naruto doesn't consciously realize that he's competing for Sasuke's hand in marriage at first, but he gets it after a few years or so.)

Kakashi is... So Tired. Obito, are you seeing this shit??? What the fuck.

I know some OC-insert / SI-insert into Sasuke fics exist, I just think the funniest plot direction for a transmigrator in this situation would be to completely bail on both the "take revenge on Itachi" and "rebuild the Uchiha clan" dreams in the least macho ways available.

Also, what WOULD Itachi think of Sasuke abruptly deciding to give up on revenge and to become a house husband instead?

[chasing-posts]

Thinking back on a discussion my friend and I had once. About how Kakashi got so so strong in the 3 year time skip between Naruto and Naruto Shippuden.

Now Kakashi was always a genius and amazing shinobi, but for a couple of years- to a decade, he was actually stunted due to his depression/ mental decline. A good way to track it is through the Gai/Kakashi rivalry. Where at the start of Naruto in the chuunin exams, Gai confirms that he is stronger than Kakashi. And as we see in the Itachi/ Kisame fight, it is NOT lip service. Itachi almost ran away on sight.

But let's go back to theirbeginning: Despite Kakashi being pretty far above Gai when they were 5-6, Gai slowly and steadily closes the distance, until their preteen/ teen years. Where Gai starts skyrocketing, and Kakashi starts stagnating. And then they become almost completely equal shortly after Rin's death (this is mostly anime only). This is also around the time when Kakashi hits his absolute lowest mentally, and it takes a VERY long time for him to recover. During this time, Gai is only getting stronger and starts over taking him in some areas.

It's not until after Kakashi gets his first batch of genins, that he starts recovering and training harder. Part of me likes to think that he's also accepting a lit more challenges from Gai while his students are away (though that's head canon.). Once we hit the start of Shippuden, it's clear he is doing a lot better mentally, and it shows with a HUGE increase in chakra, which only gets better as the series goes on.

And this makes sense as Chakra levels is a mix of physical and mental energy. Even if Kakashi got better physically/ kept up his strength training (if only to compete with Gai- BECAUSE HE IS JUST AS COMPETITIVE AS HIS ETERNAL RIVAL HE'S JUST MUCH BETTER AT HIDING IT!) His mental health really held him back until the start of Naruto.

So in conclusion, Kakashi's kids really helped him get out of his slump/ depression.

[animeomegas]

which naruto omegas do you think handle it better with an alpha who is a bit of a crybaby when gets sick? i had a really bad fever the last few days and it amuses me to think how my mom could have handled it like a champ while i felt like a victorian child about to see the light. for example, neji would feel a little smug seeing how his alpha depends so much on him, but i also think that the first times he would be terrible at trying to comfort them lol

Haha! My brother is a lot like that XD Let me give you my thoughts! <3

Neji - You're so right in that he's great with looking after a sick alpha. He's not bad at comforting, as long as you're following his instructions. If you've eaten, had some water, taken some medicine, bathed etc. at his instruction, then he's happy to indulge in some cuddles or head pats when it's resting time. He does leave as soon as you're asleep though haha.

Shino - He's pretty good with this. It does make him a little anxious at first, but once he's got the clear from a mednin that you'll be fine, he actually prefers an alpha who will stay in bed and be dramatic haha. If you go wandering off or insistently try to do things even though you're sick, you'll stress him out. He makes a schedule of care for food and medicine and bathing, and follows it to the letter. During any of the down periods, he always sits by you and reads a book or does some work. He won't leave you alone.

Haku - He's incredibly indulgent with any level of drama while sick. He does give that look when he thinks you're overreacting a bit, but you can have anything your heart desires if it will make you feel better. Anything. He'll rub your back for hours if you so desire it. He also makes the best herbal remedies of anyone on this list. His soups are medicinal and tasty!

Itachi - He finds solace and peace when caring for his loved ones, so in a weird way he kind of enjoys it. There's no judgement, just love and gentle care. He will be disappointed though, if you put up a fight over eating or taking medicine. He is hesitant to cuddle, only because he's been told not to cuddle with sick people his whole life, but he's willing to sit with you as long as you need. If you ask him to stay, he'll stay.

Shisui - He's definitely going to tease you about being so dramatic, but all his teasing is designed to make you feel better, not worse. He's surprisingly competent at looking after you in some ways, except cooking. He's going to outsource the cooking to someone else. But other than that, he's quite doting and will definitely give in to cuddles, especially if you cry. He's weak to crying.

[hellcifrogs]

Which two Nart secondary/ side characters would you pick to star in a funky lil spin off manga where they solve ✨mysteries?✨

Why them?

I've been thinking about this all day and I came up with a few interesting pairs.

Sai and Kankuro. The. Chaos. The messes they would get themselves into. They are both very competent on their own, but I like to believe they'd enable the worst in each other (affectionate).

Shizune and Anko. Again pretty competent while still being chaotic, also "good cop bad cop" dynamic. And both of them deserve more attention!

Itachi and Deidara! I cannot even begin to explain this one, this is so personal and I just know it would be hilarious! (Just them as characters, not really criminals or Akatsukis) (Sasuke and Deidara could also work, but as actual criminals).

Ino and Karin. Half of the series they'd be competing with each other or antagonizing Sakura, the other half they become terrifyingly competent. Maybe not as comedic as the others, but could definitely make some nice plots.

Shino and pretty much anyone. Why? Because it's freaking Shino.

[belit0]

Hello!♡

So this is my first request ever on tumblr, so I hope this makes sense and is coherent! But I really love your writing so much and am happy to have discovered you today!<33

But to my request, could I maybe ask for a Yandere Itachi and Shisui with a fem!Reader? Like, both of them having an extremely obsessive crush on her at the same time, type of deal. Whether they get along during this or not is up to you, including if you want it to be nsfw or not. I just really want to see more Yandere content of the two together and your writing style is just perfect for it.

I hope this is alright and makes sense to you!<3

-bunni Anon

Hi!!!!! I'm so honored to be your first request!! Welcome to this beautiful hell hole, where it's impossible to escape 🤠

I hope you get a positive experience out of this one, and feel motivated to leave more requests in the future!💕🤗💫

Sooo, with no further a do, here's your piece!

TW: kidnapping, Yandere!Shisui Yandere!Itachi, alcohol Pairing: Uchiha Shisui / Reader - Uchiha Itachi / Reader

"There's no way she'll choose you, you know."

"Why would you say that?"

"Just look at you, Itachi. You're not competing against an ordinary ninja, you're up against the Uchiha prodigy personified. Do you really think she would choose you over me? Come on!"

"There comes great pride in your words, but little clarity in your movements. I have not seen you make a single gesture to get her to notice you, other than grinning like an idiot when she walks past you. Sit back and relax, she'll be mine soon enough."

"We'll see."

Thus began the personal challenge between the two men, deciding to fight over who would conquer (Y/N) first.

Knowing both men's personalities and determination, it would not be a fair battle, both greedy to be the winner and finally claim the woman they desired so much.

Their challenge began quietly, with small gestures that seemed casual and spontaneous. Itachi chose to study (Y/N)'s schedule thoroughly, knowing exactly where and when she would be, what streets she would take to get to and from her usual destinations, what hours she would use as free time to relax and meet up with friends.

He would show up feigning surprise, crossing paths with her by chance as if their paths met by fate, and not by his obsession. Still, he never had the courage to invite her to do anything on the spot or later. He would always see her, greet her, and continue on his way, blithely believing he would remain in her mind all day.

Meanwhile, Shisui would take a more aggressive approach. He became involved in all of her personal activities, both work and hobbies, infiltrating all of her environments without leaving her space. Whatever activity she had, he would be there, trying to do it alongside or be part of her team. At the end of each day, he would ask her out for a drink, or a snack, or go home for a chat, only to be turned down time and time again.

"How's progress, Tachi?"

"Slow. Yours?"

"Getting somewhere, we could say..."

"We know that's a lie. You still have time to give up, you know?"

"Over my dead body, dude. We both know I'll be the winner."

"As you say. Just sip."

The two would get together to drink and chat about their challenge, for regardless of the ferocity with which they lusted after (Y/N), an unbreakable bond continued to exist between them.

What Shisui never noticed, in his relaxation towards his best friend, was that the other wasn't ingesting his drink at all. Every time they emptied a new glass, Itachi would throw its contents over his shoulder, pretending to drink at the same pace as him.

Quickly, Shisui found himself inebriated, while Itachi continued to be in a perfect state.

That same night, after countless bottles and gulps of sake, Shisui made up his mind. He would go to (Y/N)'s door, confess his love, win the damn challenge, and keep the wonderful prize. Never mind his blurred vision and confused thoughts, he knew she was as much in love with him as he was with her, it was mutual. (Y/N) was just having trouble acknowledging her feelings.

He didn't even bother knocking on the door, entering the living room with unsteady steps and staggering in all directions. His breath reeked of alcohol, but he could only think of her.

"(Y/N)! I'm home love! Come and greet me properly!" He exclaimed almost losing his balance, using the table for support and kicking furniture in his advance.

"Shisui...? But what are you doing here? Are you drunk? Do you need help? Let me call..."

"Nonono! All I need is you... your gaze, your kisses, your words saying you love me... yes, the only thing I need right now..." He came dangerously close to her, trapping her between the wall and his arms, with no room for escape.

"I think you are unaccountably confused Shisui, I would never..."

"Shhh, there is nothing to explain. I know your feelings, I know you want this as much as I do..."

He attempted to kiss her, finding his lips against the cold wall when (Y/N) took advantage of his lack of coordination to slip out from under his arms. She ran quickly to the door, knowing she had to be clever. Shisui's reputation was world-renowned for his speed, accuracy, and persistence. If she failed to act quickly, she would be caught again.

She had the advantage of him being highly intoxicated, having more alcohol than blood in his body at this point. That would be her strategy, hoping his momentary lack of senses would give her enough room to get to safety.

In her frenzy, she was unable to slow down before colliding with an object and falling to the ground. As concentration returned, she noticed the object had arms and legs, a long ponytail, and onyx eyes staring at her sharply.

"I-Itachi! Thank heavens you're here! I need your help at this very moment! It's Shisui, he..."

"Hold on a moment (Y/N), relax, breathe, walk me through what happened."

With his strategy executed to perfection, Itachi took it upon himself to fill his partner with alchol, intoxicating him to the point of not recognizing his impulses and completely messing up his situation with (Y/N). He waited patiently, hiding in the shadows of the alleys where he knew she would run in an attempt to escape from him.

Shisui might be one of the most respected and feared shinobi, setting a new precedent among young ninjas, but he never knew how to tolerate alcohol. Something Itachi managed to take advantage of to perfection.

His plan was working out wonderfully, and now all that was left was to execute the last part, (Y/N) she anxiously explained the situation, between tears and sobs, believing Shisui to be her friend and feeling betrayed. He held her during the entirety of her monologue, listening attentively and pretending indignation at his best friend's terrible attitude.

"Come on (Y/N), I'll take you to my house. You'll be safe there, no one will be able to do anything to you."

"I appreciate it very much Itachi, I really do, but I think the right thing to do would be to go to the police, explain what happened.... A ninja of that caliber can't be running around loose and intoxicated, who knows what he could do to whoever crosses his path!"

"I insist, (Y/N). we'll go to my place, you'll relax, and then we'll figure out what to do."

Itachi's grip became tighter on her, feeling frustrated at having to deal with an unplanned inconvenience. She just had to agree, say yes, go home and close the pact. Why couldn't she act as she should?!

"Itachi, I need you to let me go..."

"I'm not asking you, I'm stating it. Come on."

"Itachi! Let go of me now!"

They both started to struggle, the ninja trying not to hurt her at any point. (Y/N) managed to get free, and that was the moment when everything got out of control. While running in the opposite direction, Itachi appeared in front of her, shining his terrifying red eyes and making her fall into a terrible illusion.

Prey to his Genjutsu, she could not move anymore. The shinobi advanced, lifting her over his shoulder and hiding again in the shadows of the night, trying not to be seen or detected by anyone.

He did not take her to his home, being a location too obvious and dangerous, with his family around and aware of him. He opted for a remote place in the forest, a small and abandoned cabin, where he kept her since their arrival.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Itachi, I can't understand the rush of showing me a stupid spot in the forest when we have more important things to do. (Y/N) has been missing for two weeks, and you're still messing around here like nothing happened!"

"Take a look, and stop talking nonsense."

Both ninjas entered the abandoned place, where in the center, lying on a destroyed mattress, was (Y/N), still under Itachi's powerful genjutsu.

"Fuck, Itachi! It was you… I should have seen it coming, with you always scheming big things and whatever… I see... so you want me to admit you won the bet and have her all to yourself? Are you even feeding her? Taking care of her mind? Looking after her or anything?"

"Every day. On the contrary, it seemed selfish not to share such a beautiful trophy with my best friend."

"Always knew I could trust you forever Tachi. All right then, let's have fun."

[raikirikiri]

missing-nin kakashi who leaves the village on his own accord. he’s pushed to the edge, and despite all the anbu missions he’s taken to get himself killed, it just doesn’t work. so he leaves and becomes a mercenary and thinks he might have some luck dying that way. he thinks part of him is still loyal to konoha but it doesn’t feel like home anymore. plus the constant needling of his ex-classmates insisting their his friends when he knows he doesn’t deserve friends, he barely deserves comrades.

so he leaves. and he does the jobs he takes well and yes, he’s still hoping he dies but he’s too good at being a shinobi so he keeps living. no matter how accidental.

he has a good fortune by the start of canon time but id like to believe he lives in a cave with a ratty futon and a few shabby changes of clothes. he lives an extremely solitary life but he’s…healed. a little. he’s never forgiven himself, he probably never will, but he’s made some sort of peace with himself and his actions.

meanwhile. the akatsuki is forming. itachi, kisame, sasori, kakazu, pain, konan, zetsu, obito (still in the shadows). almost the whole crew is there, they just need to round out their numbers a little. and who better to approach than missing-nin copy ninja kakashi? pain brings it up first one rainy day in ame. obito, or madara, is meeting with pain, konan, and zetsu and pain brings up kakashi first.

obito chokes out a no, barely hanging onto his madara act. no, he denies vehemently. the mean thought enrages something in him and the thought of having to see kakashi’s beautiful ugly mug more than he already does (because yes, he may be a missing-nin but obito wouldn’t be a stalker if he couldn’t find his prey over and over again) is brain melting and heart stopping in a very very negative way.

of course pain has to ask why, madara has never had such a visceral reaction to suggestion for a recruit.

his pants around his ankles, obito has to scramble for an excuse and it’s a little more elegant than “he’s not evil enough”. obito shuts the conversation down then and there, deciding to come back to it at a later date when he can be prepared for his ex-teammate’s name to be brought up again.

for the next three years, any time they’re low on numbers, kakashi’s name comes up and obito always struggles to react normally and his answer is always some iteration of “he’s not evil enough”. so hidan comes up with the brilliant idea to force him to be evil, similar to how they forced deidara to join the akatsuki.

obito, failing to come up with counter arguments and running out of excuses, concedes. pain, during their monthly meetings where tobi is madara, is pleased. he suggests sending itachi to fetch him, since they were once anbu together and seeing a familiar face may help. obito vetoes this and decides he’ll go get kakashi himself. he’s, of course, seen how being away from the village has affected him. and while he’s entirely competent, he’s almost too competent. and doesn’t do well with surprises.

without further preamble, he kamuis into kakashi’s cave, startling him and causing him to spill his soup everywhere. now, kakashi is very much attack first, talk second at this point in his life. having been away from society for so long has allowed his hatake genes to really take over and he’s become much more uhhh instinct driven.

so once he gets over his initial shock and his initial reaction of ‘kill kill kill’, he freezes. he’s always had a sharp sense of smell but it’s on a different level now and there’s something familiar about this strange ghost man. for someone so ghoulish, he has a scent and it lights a lamp in kakashi’s subconscious.

‘i know you’ kakashi accuses, a snarl rising in his throat. this ghoul man is in his cave, his private space, he wants answers.

‘do you?’ a deep voice asks, sounding surprised and amused.

kakashi weighs his options of arguing with ghost guy or figuring out why the hell ghost guy just…appeared in his cave.

‘i’m here to take you to join the akatsuki’ ghoul man decides for him. kakashi grunts and picks up his overturn bowl.

‘no thanks’ he states, scooping some soup from the pot into his bowl.

‘it’s not an invitation’ the apparition snaps and kakashi pauses. he sniffs towards ghost guy again but he still can’t place the scent to the man.

‘can you please leave? i’m trying to eat my dinner and well…’ kakashi asks (but of course it’s more of demand), pointedly gesturing to his mask.

‘what? no. you’re coming with me,” obito growls, his eye twitching in irritation. after all these years, all his suffering, all he’s learned and how much he’s grown…bakakashi still gets under his fucking skin.

‘i don’t want to’ kakashi pouts, petulance and amusement in his tone.

‘you don’t get a choice’ obito hisses in madara’s voice. it sounds wrong and entirely too much like obito.

‘maa, what do i get out of it?’ hatake drawls, a glint in his eye that tells obito hes enjoying this far too much.

‘nothing. you get nothing except me letting you continue to live your sorry life’ obito snaps back, unable to stop the heat of annoyance racing up his spine.

‘how do you know my life is sorry?’ kakashi taunts loftily, crossing his arms and lifting his nose to the ceiling.

‘for the love of sage’ obito takes kakashi by the arm and warps them into kamui, uncaring if kakashi recognizes the jutsu or not. he just wants him to shut up. he should kill pain for making him do this. he would kill hidan but that fucker can’t fucking die.

‘hey i recognize that foot’ kakashi mutters to himself, eye squinted at the severed foot he warped into the dimension months ago. huh. that’s where the things he disappears go. interesting.

hey wait—

‘i know that look’ obito bites out, letting his facade drop. stupid fucking genius asshole.

kakashi gasps, eyes watering in disbelief. ‘don’t—don’t fucking do that. get it together already. you’re about to meet a bunch of fuckin’ s-ranked missing-nins, you can’t be crying’

obito’s voice is a little awkward this soft, but he’s sincere. he doesn’t know how or why he’s sincere, he hates kakashi. he thinks. he’s not too sure but he hasn’t been…soft…in years. but the sight of kakashi, broken and worn down, has something in him melting just a little.

‘you fucking dickhead’ kakashi croaks, shoving obito’s shoulder. ‘you fucking— fucking asshole! you were dead! you bastard, how could you not come back? how could you not tell me?’

kakashi’s voice is hard and cracking at the edges. it throws obito off entirely. his mouth opens and closes like a limp fish behind tobi’s mask, trying to find the words he should say.

after a few moments of kakashi’s hardened stare, obito finds himself feeling indignant. ‘i never thought you’d care’ he sneers. a lie.

‘you’re not that fucking good at lying still and i’m not dense. you’ve been stalking me. at least since i left the village’ kakashi accuses with a scoff.

‘i run a terrorist organization!’ obito shoots back hotly. ‘excuse me for thinking duty-driven kakashi wouldn’t take his dead sunshine-happy teammate becoming an s-rank criminal well!’ he seethes, finding he isn’t all that angry. this feels familiar.

‘oh please. i’d follow you till the end of the fucking earth’ kakashi spits before his eyes widen in shock, much like obito’s eye does. kakashi drops his full bowl of soup on the floor of kamui and covers his mouth with both hands.

obito makes a noise in the back of his throat, ‘don’t—‘ and then he’s ripping his mask off and pulling kakashi’s hands away from his face and tugging him close. lips to mask, he doesn’t care, he kisses kakashi fervently.

he tastes kakashi through the clothe of his mask, moaning at the way kakashi moans against him, the way kakashi’s fingers find themselves in obito’s hair. when they finally pull away, obito manages a please smile, cheeks bright red and pupil blown, ‘don’t follow me. walk with me.’

kakashi rolls his eyes and pulls him in for another kiss. ‘told you i knew you’ he whispers against obito’s lips, before nuzzling his face into obito’s neck, scenting him, marking him.

———

AHEM ANYWAY:

i think kakashi’s hair would be grown out, similar to how obito’s hair was during cave life with old ass madara. his already long canines would grow, and he’d be super in touch with nature. i think he’d be able to communicate with animals similar to how juugo is. basically, once away from the village and society, he becomes a lot more hatake-ish. just. kakashi growling and snarling snurfing at any akatsuki member that isn’t obito. or itachi. he’ll accept kisame eventually too, but that’s it. everyone else he does not talk to, only growls at.

[mixelation]

i'm rereading the reborn au snippets and the ABNU stuff is so funny. Does the mission with Kakashi go off the rails? Or is Tori completely normal the whole time while Kakashi warily follows her around waiting for the shoe to drop? (I think it would be funny if she was completely normal for ONE mission and it lures them into a false sense of security and the next mission is bonkers) Does Tori ever get temp agented with Itachi? How does that go? Love your writing!!!

oh man i never decided how i want the mission itself to go. i do want late-teens tori to be pretty competent at ninja-ing (especially something she was hand-chosen to do!!), so i think the actual mission goes fine? but for providing conflict, maybe one or both of the following happen:

there's some sort of normal-ish mission hiccup and tori does something insane to fix it, perhaps at the cost of ignoring orders. then when kakashi tries to explain she can't do that in ANBU, tori is just like "but i fixed it, didn't i?"

the mission goes TOO well so the other two teammates are grumpy like "did we even need to waste our time babysitting a temp?" and kakashi waits politely for tori to be like "yes you did, i only made that look easy because i'm soooo awesome" but she DOESN'T and kakashi is like. hmm yes i see why you keep getting mistaken for a secretary

as for itachi..... i both think sticking her on his team would make for interesting character exploration but also maybe end with everyone dead. i'm not sure.

kakashi, stressed because what if this ends book club: but what are you going to do when she inevitably ignores orders?

itachi: ? why would she disobey orders?

kakashi: have you met her

itachi: i suppose there are a few key areas where tori has more expertise than me. in that case, i would defer to her calls

kakashi:

kakashi: so they ARE in love...............

[dark-omegaverse]

Omega!Itachi x Alpha!reader

Summary: As the leader of your country, finding a husband was a big deal. Itachi was from a strong, loyal family, devastatingly pretty, and versed in literature and art. He was perfect. The only thing left before you signed the contract was his medical exam. You were sure he wouldn't mind if watched. Sub!Itachi x Dom!reader.

Warnings: Mean!reader, non-con situations, but no sex, power difference, watersports (pissing in container), reader bullies and humiliates Itachi for their own personal pleasure. (The first part of this was posted on my other blog, I didn't steal it 😉)

“His heartbeat is strong,” your head medic said, moving the stethoscope away from Itachi’s bare chest. “There’s no issue I can hear.”

“Excellent news,” you said idly, not even slightly surprised. As the son of such an important family, he would have gone through these sorts of medical exams before they put him up to compete to marry you.

The doctor left the examination table and went to note down the results of this test. Itachi’s parents were standing stoically in the corner of the room, personally chaperoning the exam to ensure their son was treated fairly and his innocence kept in tact until you had signed the marriage contracts. You paid them no mind; there were better things to be looking at, mainly the beauty on the examination table, who looked like he was doing everything in his power to refrain from fidgeting.

His robe was still tied at the waist, but his chest was completely bare, having removed his arms from the sleeves at your instruction. Unsurprisingly, his nipples were pebbled. You had to suppress a smirk; you set up this examination in a room without a fireplace for a reason. You weren’t allowed to touch him, not yet, but you could still have your fun.

He was simply the sweetest little thing, how could you resist?

The doctor returned to the examination table and crouched down so that his face was level with Itachi’s chest. Itachi stiffened imperceptibly before attempting to at least appear relaxed. The poor darling was clearly uncomfortable.

“It is not ideal for your nipples to be hard at this moment,” the doctor said, exactly as you’d instructed him to. “It will interfere with my examination.”

Itachi jolted, looking over to his parents for a moment, before swallowing nervously.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered in a soft voice. He cleared his throat awkwardly and the next words came out a little stronger. “It is very cold in this room.”

“Perhaps we can-” Fugaku started, but you cut him off with a hand, standing from your chair.

“I have a solution, don’t worry,” you said, heading over to the door. You pulled it open widely, and while you couldn’t see him, you could hear the little gasp from the sweet man on the examination table at the thought of his body being on display for whoever happened to walk past. You addressed the servant waiting outside in a low voice.

"Fetch what I have requested, quickly."

She nodded, and then quickly disappeared around the corner, the echoes of her feet slapping against the stone following.

With that taken care of, you entered back into the room, purposefully leaving the door wide open. The position of the examination table had him as the first thing anyone would see if they happened to walk past.

“My servant will be back shortly, but she is not allowed to knock on doors like these, lest she interrupt something important, so the door will remain open until her return.”

This time you got to watch Itachi react. The little bit of panic in his eyes, the way his breathing was increasing at the thought of being seen. You watched him subtly lean forward, attempting to hide his bare chest with his hair. How adorable. He would have to get over such compulsions once you were married though; you had a bad habit of flaunting your beautiful lovers for everyone to see, and you had no intention of stopping even if this lover would be your husband.

“Your majesty,” the servant said, announcing himself as he walked back in with a bowl of hot water and some cloths. She had been extraordinarily rapid, but of course, you had instructed her to be prepared in advance.

“Thank you, you are excused, please shut the door on your way out.”

“This will help relax your nipples,” the doctor said, taking on the the cloths and dipping it into the hot water. He made a show of draining the excess water, but you had explicitly asked him to leave the cloth as wet as he could.

With the cloth in hand, the doctor walked over to Itachi and pressed it firmly against his left nipple. Itachi sucked in a breath at the temperature change, but your favourite part came a few moments later. Droplets of warm water started to run down his chest, finding their way down to his stomach before soaking into the robe tied around his waist. Itachi’s stomach jumped at the ticklish feeling of the water but both you and the doctor pretended not to notice.

A minute later, the doctor removed the cloth, revealing the glistening, soft nipple to the air. Quickly, before the cold air pebbled it once more, the doctor instructed Itachi to put his left arm up and began prodding, poking and squeezing at his chest.

Itachi’s breath quickened and his eyes closed. You wondered if he was feeling good or embarrassed, perhaps both. The little squeaks he was letting out were music to your ears, though, regardless of their cause.

Over in the corner, his parents shuffled uncomfortably and his father averted his eyes.

The doctor repeated the process with the other nipple before speaking.

“Everything feels in order,” he said, moving away to wipe his hands on a towel before jotting down his findings. “No abnormalities nor anything that would suggest he will have trouble providing milk for any children in the case that you decide against a wet nurse.”

“That is wonderful,” you demurred, eyes fixed on Itachi even though he wouldn’t look at you. “I’ve always wanted my husband to feed our children himself. It is uncommon in high society, but I think there are many… benefits… to that sort of arrangement.”

No one in the room responded, so you carried on.

“However, my dearest doctor, you seem to have neglected to drain the cloths sufficiently, you’ve left poor Itachi soaking.”

“Ah,” the doctor said, as if he’d just noticed the massive wet patch on Itachi's lap. “My apologies. On the bright side, I was just about to ask you to remove your robe, anyway.”

“Of course,” Itachi said quietly. He looked to his parents for support, and at their encouraging nods he slipped off the table and tentatively untied the robe from his waist, revealing everything to your eager eyes. The doctor quietly took the robe while you busied yourself taking in the sights.

His thighs were very delicate looking, and pale in a way that suggested they had never seen the sun. You wouldn’t be surprised if that were in fact the case. The divots in his hips drew your eyes next; they looked like perfect places to grab. But of course, the star of the show was the little, soft cock sitting between his legs.

Itachi could see where you were staring and immediately flushed bright red, his thighs and arms twitching as though he were having to consciously refrain from hiding himself from your admittedly predatory gaze.

You couldn’t bring yourself to feel bad though… It was in the nature of a tiger to prey on the little lambs.

The doctor wasted no time in grabbing the tape measure from his desk and getting to work measuring around his hips, thighs and waist, and everywhere he needed. It would be great to finally have his exact measurements to send off to your seamstress. You had a frankly impressive collection of sketches and ideas of outfits you were going to fill your husbands new wardrobe with. The Uchiha were such a modest clan, and so you couldn’t imagine any of his current wardrobe would be suitable.

The first outfit that came to mind was the one you’d been sketching last night. The base of the outfit was similar to a purple bikini, although the fabric designed to run between the legs was actually two pieces of fabric held together with a couple of tiny buttons that could be undone at any time. On top, you designed a silver body chain, although looking at Itachi naked here in front of you, you made a note to change it to gold; it would suit him better. Finally, on top would be a dress made of gauze. It would give the illusion of a proper outfit, a classy silhouette, while of course being entirely see through.

It was not your most creative idea, but still one of your favourites. Perhaps you would get him to wear that to the birthday party you were throwing for him a few weeks after your marriage date.

“Just under 3 inches soft,” the doctor announced, delicately measuring Itachi’s limp penis.

Ah, that was another measurement you needed. You wouldn’t want his first chastity cage to be ill fitting.

You looked up to Itachi’s face to see that he was no longer attempting to close his eyes, but had now seemingly picked a random spot on the wall to focus on instead.

“Right,” the doctor said, standing up and jolting Itachi’s attention to him. “There’s only one more thing we need to do before we get you up onto the table and into the stirrups.”

Itachi visibly gulped, but your stomach lurched. This was one of your favourite parts.

The doctor pulled out an unassuming container, about five cm deep and 10 cm wide, and placed it on the floor in front of Itachi.

“We need a urine sample.”

There was silence in the room before Mikoto spoke up.

“Is there a private room for him provide it?”

“Unfortunately not,” the doctor said with fake sadness. “We had issues last year with a man who managed to fake the sample once he was alone, so it is pertinent that the sample be collected with witnesses.”

The dark haired beauty in front of you was almost shaking. How cute.

His parents did not look happy, but ultimately this wouldn’t be worth fighting the reigning monarch over, so they backed down.

“I know this can be difficult, but we have other tests to proceed with, so please try to be as fast as you can,” the doctor said. He placed the plastic container on the floor at Itachi's feet and then stepped back to his desk.

You could hardly contain your excitement as you watched the panic quickly build in Itachi's eyes as he realised he'd be getting no privacy. He didn't seem to know what to do, and you certainly didn't provide instructions. You wanted to see what his natural inclination was. Would he pick up the container or would he squat over it?

The silence continued, and the omega made no move to do as he was asked.

"Itachi," a rosy-cheeked Fugaku said. Itachi startled and looked up at his father. "Go on."

"If you need some help, I'm sure my doctor can-"

"No!" Itachi cut you off immediately. You smirked at the response. So shy. "I - I can do it."

With the threat of another person coming to help him, Itachi gingerly picked the plastic container off the floor and held it at his crotch height. He slightly opened his thighs to make room for the pot, and used his free hand to gently point his little cock. His head was hanging down, covering his face with his hair, and his thighs were shaking with humiliation.

You tilted your head, watching as he struggled to pee, but refusing to interrupt. You heard a couple of quiet sniffles and you wondered if he was crying. This was another thing he would have to get more comfortable with if he wanted to be married to you. You loved making them perform like this. Perhaps at your wedding you would have him wet his wedding outfit?

You considered it for a moment. Yes, you liked that. It would be symbolic to have him ruin the last piece of Uchiha clothing that he would be allowed.

Right now though, he would have to piss in the container.

So gently that you weren't even sure if you were imagining it at first, a tiny trickle flowed out of Itachi and down into the container. Clearly, once he had forced the first little bit out, the floodgates opened.

You hid your grin as you watched him piss, the loud spattering sound ricocheting off the stone walls and making it seem louder than it was. Slowly, the container filled up, and for a glorious twenty seconds, everyone in the room watched in silence at the beautiful spectacle, until his stream slowly petered off.

With his legs shaking so much, you were surprised (and slightly disappointed) that he hadn't made more of a mess.

"There," your doctor said, voice condescending. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" He took the pot and put it on his desk.

Itachi said nothing as he tried to discreetly wipe his eyes.

"Now, it's time to get you in the stirrups. Hop back onto the table for me."

[gottaterrify]

I know that Deidara is a minor villain sort of used to show how much Sasuke has grown and he’s purposefully used to have Two competing wills against Itachi clash and show sasukes resolve to kill Itachi is still as strong as ever + give a chance for obito to closely observe Sasuke but did they ever consider that Obito and Deidara were in love ????? Did they ever think about me

[throwawaybog]

anyone got kakashi centric fic recs?

bamf!kakashi, competent kakashi (cause the man is a genius and i love it oh my GOD) is what im interested in, and it could be anything from canon compliant to canon divergence, minato's team 7, kakashi's team 7. kakashi's anbu days--kakashi's genin days, hatake stuff, kakashi&naruto stuff kakashi&sakura stuff, kakashi&sasuke stuff, kakashi and his ninken--anything!

just not kakashi/sakura please!

and truth be told im not much of a fan on iruka/kakashi, i much prefer kakashi/gai or kakashi/obito. or kakashi/zabuza or kakashi/itachi or kakashi/yams or kakashi/rin or kakashi/shikaku or--well. you get the idea. as long as its not kakashi/his students--but considering kakashi/iruka is a rlly popular ship and features in a lot of kakashi & naruto fics, feel free to rec those too then.

thank you!!!!

EDIT: i see ppl reblogging so ill put the fics that have been recc'd to me here for easier viewing.

@frieria suggested Ourliazo's fics heroes (and other morbid jokes) which is a "really unique take on the time travel premise, featuring a very ruthless bamf Kakashi and Sakumo running after his murder baby" as well as the kakashi ex machina series also by ourliazo.

these are some pulled from my bookmarks:

the A**hole series by crybabyenligne in which kakashi is bamf, a missing nin, and an asshole.

port in a storm, oh blue by fencesit, a oneshot, missing nin kks, and features kakashi/kisame, from kisame's pov

be my love, be my end by andogynousclintbarton, a kakagai fic, MCD, missing nin kakashi is confronted by gai, who has come to put a stop to him

a dog and a shark series by cloudycats. ongoing. kakashi wakes up partnered to kisame in a universe where he committed the uchicha masacre. he copes.

first snow by zombie_honeymoon. kakashi/shisui, marriage hunt, established relationship, oneshot

never count on me by cherlita, a fic that has utterly CONSUMED me. its incomplete, but my god the premise. kiri-born, isobu jinchuuriki kakashi switches place with rokudaime kakashi.

ashes to ashes by megawallflower, in which dai is dead, gai is missing, kakashi has accepted the solo mission to retrieve him, dead or alive

kamui blues universe by butter_peanut, obkk, kakashi and obito escalating from kamui penpals to kamui roommates to more

[thekingwhereitallends]

*AU where The Greatest Uchihas are all still alive*

Naori,Hikaku,Madara,Izuna,Kagami,Fugaku, Mikoto,Obito,Shisui,Itachi and Sasuke:...

Mitsuki:Hello,there...

Sarada:Um...

Shisui:(teleports himself behind Mitsuki and pushes him to uchihas,and all of them surround Mitsuki) Let us borrow him for a few seconds...

Uchihas:(start murmuring stuff)

Izuna:(his head pops up,looks at Sarada who is left dumbfounded,then Madara lowers his little brother's head down)

Uchihas:Right?RIGHT!

Uchihas:(let Mitsuki go)

Sarada:(checks Mitsuki up,to see if her clan members have hurt her) No trace of anything.

Itachi:Mitsuki Uchiha...

Madara:Approved.

Izuna:He is a cutie.

Fugaku:A competent shinobi.

Mikoto:A gentleman.

Shisui:A weirdo.

Hikaku:A genius.

Naori:A beautiful boy.

Obito:A cool dude.

Kagami:A trustworthy companion.

Sasuke:Tch...He's a good kid.

Mitsuki:Alright...

Sarada:(holds her temple,starts to laugh like a maniac)

Sakura and Mitsuki:(look at each other)

Sakura:Good luck.

Mitsuki:Yeah,thank you.

Sarada:BET YOU GUYS LIKE MY EDGY AND PRETTY BOYFRIEND MORE THAN YOU LIKE ME,RIGHT?!?

Madara:(nods in agreement,Izuna pulls his hair) Ouch.

Mitsuki:Oh no...

Sarada:(summons her crimson susanoo) CHANNARO..!

Madara:(summons perfect susanoo) Let's dance and entertain your baby boy,my dear granddaughter!