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bitchfitch · 3 years

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A Pleasant Trip to the Circus

(ie, The statue man and the medusa's meet cute)

no warnings needed

Adonis' eyes had shattered months ago, but he had never needed them to see. They, like every other part of his crafted body, had been more of a decoration than an actual part of him, so it had surprised him how much he missed having them. He didn't miss their weight in his carved sockets or the tackiness of the putty that his creator had used to keep them pointing the right way, but without them his empty eyes seemed to frighten and fascinate those who looked at him in equal measures. They seemed to illicit more stares and stolen looks from strangers than when he had had them.

He didn't wish to be looked at.

When he had his eyes those who passed him on the street might cast a look his way but after seeing his human like eyes they would write off the grey stone and gold guiding that made up most of his skin as makeup. But without them it was painfully obvious that he was not flesh and blood, that his strange silence and stillness was natural and not a performance, that he was not human.

Some recoiled at the realization, others drew closer, staring at his face and taking pictures with their phones as he held still and waited for them to leave. Some would pull at the fabric of his clothes or at the ribbons of his hair, curious fingers would touch and grope and prod as they tried to puzzle out why a statue as magnificently realistic as this one would have been left here.

Some recognized him from before he was alive. From when he and his creator had toured the entire continent so that all could marvel at his Pygmalion's work. So that all could marvel at Adonis.

The ones who recognized him always asked where his eyes went, or where his creator had gone. Some jokingly asked if Adonis had finally divorced the other Mr. Wright.

Adonis did not respond to any of them. He couldn't speak even if he wanted to, so he just waited.

He learned to travel at night, to keep his hood up and his head down. He had wanted to see the world Henry had kept him hidden from in the years following his awakening, but he had never considered that maybe many of the things Henry had said were true.

That this was not a world built for hollow stone men. That he was delicate, and trusting others to not try and break him was foolish.

Still, he explored.

The world was so much bigger than the chateau and the corpse that rotted away at its center, and he needed to know it all. He needed to find a place where he couldn't hear his beloved creator's voice calling for him anymore.

He found something close on a late summer's day. The scorching heat had chased most of the people into the shade and air-conditioned buildings and away from this circus that was still setting up for its opening night.

Adonis didn't know what drew him here, didn't know what he was looking for, but something pulled him along as the dry dirt crunched beneath his heel with every step.

A woman approached him as he neared the gates. She was older, balding, and covered in a sheen of sweat from directing the construction efforts all day,

"Sorry sir, we're not-" her voice cought in her throat as she looked up to meet his empty eyes, she swallowed hard, taking a step back more on instinct than out of fear, "You- Hello? Are you- Are you still alive in there?" she waved her hand in front of Adonis' face,

Adonis cocked his head. He couldn't really emote, his face frozen in the same pout that it had been carved into by his beloved, but he wondered if the stranger understood that he was confused by the question. No one had ever questioned if he was alive before, he very clearly had never been.

"Are you here to see her? The medusa? Did she do- Oh she's going to be so happy to know one of you lived!" The woman broke out in a grin as she grabbed his wrist to pull him along towards one of the tents.

He could tell that she was strong, that there was a fair amount of muscle hiding under her loose skin and fat, but he knew that not even some one like her could move him on her own. Yet, he found himself following her, too confused to resist her touch or to use his not insignificant weight to stop them both in their tracks.

She lead him to the back of a small shipping container that had been painted with the circus' name and logo in long faded colors.

Rapping on the door she called out, "Ione! You have a visitor!"

"I do?" a soft voice called back, the entire truck the crate sat on shifted as something moved inside of it, "Who is it?"

"He Hasnt told me his name yet, but he looks like he might be someone you'd know," the woman grinned at him while the door swung open, letting out a wave of air barely cooler than the surrounding heat as it did so,

Adonis had never taken a breath in all his years of existence, but this must be what it felt like to lose it.

The woman in shipping container, Ione, was stunning in ways Adonis would never be able to put to words even if he could speak or write them all out one by one.

She had the torso of a sturdy looking human woman with all the muscle and soft fat that that would imply, but instead of legs she had a long, thick snakes body trailing out into the darkness of the container behind her. Her crane like neck lead to a narrow and finely scaled vipers head that itself had a long thick tail emerging from a writhing mass of black snakes that almost looked like hair or an oil spill. Her dress was boxy and sleevless, and it showed off the defined muscles that were barely softened by the shimmer of her cremy white, or rich brown and pitch black scales. The fabric was finely beaded in intricate swooping patterns and it made such a satisfying clicking noise with her every movement as she leaned out of the back of this cargo container.

Though she wore a thick black cloth tied around her face, covering her eyes completely as well as much of her snout, Adonis would guess those were equally enrapturing. She was completely unlike anything he had ever seen before. Large and powerfully despite the grace that flowed through her every rolling movement and stunning besides the her fearsome size.

He wondered if this is what all of those speechless mueseum goers had felt looking at him on his pedestal, though he doubted his creator could have ever made anything as divinely beautiful as this woman.

"Hello?" " she asked, her voice even prettier when not muffled by the metall walls,

"Go on then, introduce yourself," the woman grinned, gesturing to Ione

Adonis waved lamely, though he doubted she could see the motion past her veil. He turned to the woman and tapped his fingers against his carved lips before drawing an ex over his throat in am attempt to convey his muteness.

The woman sucked in a breath as she realized her error but Ione spoke up first, "I can tell there's something here," she gestured to him, "But I don't get this joke Melanie, what is it, and why are you saying its here to see me?"

Adonis tried not to wince at being referred to as an 'it' he knew she probably meant nothing by it, but it still hearkened back to some memories that were better left alone.

"I don't think he can talk, but he's a statue. The same grey marble the things you turn to stone become, but he's fully animate, like he walked up to the gates on his own and everything," she gently grabs one of Ione's massive hands and tugs it towards Adonis, "Just feel his hand and that will be all the proof you need,"

Adonis hesitated for a moment as Ione's face drew tight at being man handled by Melanie, but after quick head jerk from the older woman, Adonis did as she wanted, and took Ione's hand in his. It was mockery of a handshake, as Melanie pulled hers away.

Ione's scales were softer than Adonis had expected them to be, like velvet or a well worn blanket instead of plastic or glass, as she carefully felt the sun warmed stone of his hand. He wondered if his smooth carving felt rough to her, if the natural texture of the rock he'd been carved from was as nice for her as her softness was for him.

"You... are," she said softly, sadness and amazement tangling in her voice, "Did I do this to you?"

He shook his head and gestured for Melanie to speak up for him,

"He's shaking his head no," Melanie said, "Wait, then what happened to make you like that?"

"Hush Melanie, he doesn't have to tell us if he doesn't want to, and besides that, I think the fact that he can't talk might make a question like that a little difficult to answer,"

"I'm sure he has a way to communicate," she huffs, "Like a pen or paper? Or Oh! Simone's little sister is deaf, so she probably knows sign, I can go get her!" Melanie had almost already ran off before Adonis caught her by the shoulder, he didn't hold her hard but still she was jolted to a stop, "Shit, you're a strong one aren't you? What's up?"

"He stopped you from going to go get Simone?" Ione sighed, "Sir, do you even know sign?"

Adonis shrugs and shakes his head, then he mimes out writing and shakes his head again,

"He doesn't, and going by that second little bit of charades I don't think he can write either," Melanie scratches her chin, "Say, Stones, do you have anywhere to go?"

Adonis cocks his head and waits for her to continue,

"Like, you came here for a reason, and given I don't think you you were looking for Ione here, maybe you were after a job? Like if you are, I think I have the perfect place for a piece of work like you,"

He shrugged again as he finally pulled his hand from Ione's, he had no need for a job, but he already felt more comfortable here than he had almost anywhere else. Melanie was a bit intense, but she didn't stare or treat him as inanimate, and the two women had already put more effort into trying communicate with him than almost anyone else ever had. So, he wasn't apposed to sticking around depending on what Melanie had to offer.

"She probably wants you to be part of the freak show," Ione said flatly,

"The Oddities and The Beauties, Not the freak show," Melanie exclaimed, "Ignore her, Stones, we aren't that out dated around here. I promise you would be treated with the upmost respect,"

"Are we really calling him 'Stones'? He probably has a name already," Ione slithered out of her container, all 30 or so feet of her coiling out onto the grass as she closed the door to her container. He scales shimmered in the sunlight so brightly that Adonis was almost too distracted by the spectacle to continue listening to Melanie.

"Until we find a way for him to tell us his name, he's Stones," Melanie nodded, "But again, Stones, I promise you you will not regret tagging along with us. We travel all over the country seeing everything there is to see while putting on good family friendly shows that have entertained millions! You have Got to at least stick with us through this stop so you can get an idea of what the experience is like!" she sticks out a hand, "Are you in?"

"You haven't even told him what he would be doing," Ione said,

Though Ione is right, Adonis doesn't hesitate to shake Melanie's hand.

"Wonderful! Ione, give him a tour while I go get things set up for tonight, you two are going to be the talk of the town before we leave it!" She runs off with a wild smile on her face before either of them can stop her.

"I'm... sorry about her, She gets excited." Ione huffs fondly, "But come on then, I'll try and fill you in on everything she missed,"

#ione #adonis #banes and boons #cracked stones and hardened scales #my writing

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incorrect-miraith-quotes · 3 years

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(A/N yes, this is an incorrect quote acc but I can write actual good stuff too 😳)

Drinks and Sunsets

7:00 AM (3 hours before the match starts)

“Renee!! Wake up please, there is breakfast!” Natalie shouted at the closed door infront of her. Renee had fallen asleep at an ungodly time trying to find out more about herself and well, it didnt work out the way she wanted. She groaned, squeezing her eyes tight while moving her arms up. She stretched and eventually popped her shoulder which caused her to scream but not really scream if you understand what I mean. She cursed at herself for not going to sleep earlier knowing that there was a game today. She sat up, shading her eyes from the window that shown the bright sun. Her head turned to the door when she heard knocks coming from the other side. “someone’s there” Renee’s voices whispered, echoing throughout her ears. “No shit sherlock,” She hissed.

“Wra- I mean Renee~ wait no- sorry. Renee are you gonna eat?” Elliot sputtered, clearing his throat. “Depends on what it is,” She sighed. “It’s uH..pancakes I think? I dont know, Ramya was chosen to be the one who cooks today. They looked..burnt,” He explained, shuddering from the thought of Ramya’s pancakes. “I guess, give me a minute to get dressed and I’ll head out. Wait for me?” Renee asked, getting up and walking to her dresser. “Uh..yeah, yeah I’ll wait for you. Dont worry about a thing..you worried cause I’m not..haha..ha..,” Elliot trailed off, sliding down to the floor until he hit his arse on the concrete. Renee chuckled to herself in his stupidity and got dressed. She wore a black tank top with short grey shorts and her black sneakers with her ankle high socks (black of course). She unlocked her door and peered over to the tall man crouched next to her door, falling asleep.

“Wake up Elliot, I thought I was the one to wake up hm?” She flicked his forehead, causing him to rub the spot where he was hit. “Ow ow ow- Why??” Elliot questioned, confused as to why he was hit. “You were gonna start drooling so..anyways, breakfast?” Renee pulled him up, almost falling backwards. “I mean that’s why I’m here right? Right? i hope Im right..,” Elliot trailed off again, starting his journey towards the kitchen with the small woman behind him. Everynow and then he would peek back to make sure she was still there and not inside a portal. “You’re safe with him” Renee looked up at Elliot, the voice echoing throughout her mind. “You like him dont you” Renee looked up at the ceiling and scrunched her face in annoyance, internally screaming at the voices. “I don’t, you guys always assume things,” she whispered, looking at the random framed pictures hung up on the wall. “Elliot!” Renee shouted at the still walking man. He jumped slightly and flinched, “y-yeah? What’s up?” “Kitchen is right here doofus,” She nodded her head towards the room, “How did you manage to miss this big ass room??” “I guess it was an accident, never done that before haha,” He sighed and apologized. The so called pancakes were sitting on a top of a white ceramic plate, getting colder by the minute. “I wouldn’t even dare to try them..I mean you could but- It probably wouldnt be good..,” He walked over to the counter, “If you want, I can cook somthing up for you?” “That would be nice thank you and uh..can you make me some coffee? You know how I like it already,” She sat down at the large dinner table, laying her head down. “Yeah I can do that for ya, anything you want in particular?” Elliot asked but was met with silence. He peeked over and saw she was sleeping soundly with her head in her arms. Elliot took off his sweater and draped it over her shoulders then went back to the kitchen.

8:37 AM (1:30 hours before the match starts)

“Breakfast is ready Renee,” he shook her gently until she stirred, “Mornin’ beaut- I-I mean um..sleepyhead..? Yeah..that’s the word..sleepyhead.” “Mmm..mor-“ She clears her throat and rubs her eyes, “morning..sorry I fell asleep I just didn’t get enough sleep last night.” She looked down at the scrambled eggs and toast that were neatly placed onto the plate infront of her. “It’s fine, I didnt wanna bother you because I thought you’d kill me,” He admitted, taking off the apron that was tied around his waist. He placed it on the hook next to the fridge where a stickynote was left by Octavio not to touch his jello. The only person he let touch his stuff was Natalie. Renee picked up the fork and began eating. “You should date him” “No,” She whispered, furrowing her brows as she picked up a piece of egg with her fork. She watched as the tall man made her coffee just the way she likes it; black with a little bit of sugar and creamer. She was never one to like sweet coffee like everyone else. He poured the jug’s contents into her prefered mug. He added the little things she liked and carried it over to where she was sitting. She thanked him with a small, almost unnoticable, smile. Renee sat there with her cup close to her nose, smelling the bitter coffee aroma. She cooled it before sipping it slowly, enjoying the taste of her morning coffee.

“Hey Elliot, do you know what time it is?” She questioned the other who was washing the pan. He checked his phone and replied, “8:52” Renee stood up and brought her plate to the sink after she was done eating. “Could you wash these for me? I need to freshen up in my room,” She handed him the plate, “thanks.” She started making her way towards her room; which consisted of one right and a lot of walking straight. But she never got tired of it since she was happy she lived comfortably with her friends. The 2 rooms that were next to hers were Natalie’s and Ajay’s. The boys were on the opposite side so in front of her was Elliot. The hallway she lived in held 6 legends at a time 3 girls, 3 boys. Renee’s hallway had Ajay, her, and Natalie and then Octavio, Elliot, and Tae. The others had their hallways, some with empty rooms for future legends. Natalie was never really in her room since she was always with Octavio. It was weird, seeing two polar opposites living together. Then there were Ajay and Tae, she managed to make friends with him. I’m pretty sure Tae is still annoyed but is warming up to her.

“Oh! Youre awake finally,” Natalie smiled, walking out of Octavio’s room, “You never woke up so I had to get Elliot to help me..” Renee stood there at her door with the key in the slot, “Yeah, Ive just been...thinking.”

“Hm, well I hope you get some more sleep. Oh and goodluck with the match today!”

“You arent participating today?”

“Non, Ive been feeling unwell for the past few hours”

“Why aren’t you in bed then?”

“Well, Tavi was getting Ajay but he hasnt come back yet”

“You should be resting Nat..”

“Im okay I swear! Pas besoin de s'inquiéter,” She smiled softly and weakly. She was still in the large shirt Octavio gave her to sleep in and pajama pants. She had a small nessy plush tucked into her elbow, being squished tightly. “Chica! Get back in the bed right now or else im going to llevarte allí yo mismo,” Octavio came back with soup and meds, shouting at the sickly girl. “Ah, Tavi.. Je suis désolé I was just wondering where you were.,” She hugged the plush closer to her fragile body. “Come here conejita, lets get you better,” He lifted her up into his arms, still carrying the supplies Ajay had given him, “When you are done being sick I am going to....”

“Lovebirds,” Renee sighed and closed the door to her room, preparing for the match ahead of her. She got her battle gear on and re-did her messy bun into a neat one. Her kunai rested on the counter, untouched in its holster. She picked it up and unsheathed it, smiling at the small sparks of void that emitted out of it. She put it away and hooked the holster to her belt. “You know you wanna be like them, you cant deny it” The voices teased. “You guys really want me in a relationship huh,” Renee flopped backwards onto her messy bed. She didnt have time to make it in the morning but now she can. She checked her phone and scrolled through her social medias. Elliot made her download them and every now and then, Elliot will make her post a picture or something. She always got tagged in fanart and random posts about her in the matches. She would occasionally like some and they would freak out and thank her. She scrolled through her tagged until she came across one post. It was fanart of her and Elliot, sitting together with their hands intertwined watching the sunset. Renee blushed slightly at the art. She saw that Elliot had already liked it, but seeing as he likes all posts that he got tagged in, it wasnt weird. She hesitantly liked it and turned off her phone. “Maybe I do like him” Her thoughts were interupted when someone knocked at the door.

9:34 (couple minutes until the match starts. The ship still has to arrive at the arena, World’s Edge)

“Renee! Get yuh ass over here ‘cause the match starts soon!” Ajay’s voice boomed through the door. Her footsteps could be heard on the other side as she walked away. Renee stood up and stretched while walking towards where Ajay just was. She opened the door to see Elliot walking out of his room. “Oh hey Ren..can I call you that? Im gonna call you that..anyways, hi. Wanna walk together?” She nodded, “Okay cool, lets start heading over before everyone leaves without us.” They walked in a comfortable silence over to their friends. Octavio was in a corner moping since he didnt have his love interest with him while Crypto spied on him from another corner. He was still mad that Nat rejected him a few weeks ago to be with Octavio. It was crazy hearing that he was sulking around in his room for hours on end. But back to the main girl in this story, Renee sat down on one of the couches that sat in the middle of the room. Everyone was ready to board the dropship to head over to the arena. Here is what was going around, Gibby and Ajay were laughing together,Octavio was..unenergetic for once, Tae was in the corner, Loba was fixing her nails while Rev watched her on the wall, Alexander was playing around with his gas, and lastly Ramya was chewing gum while playing on her phone. It was always bustling in the living space because its where everyone socialized other than the bar. A small yet loud alarm was sounded to let all the legends know it was time to board the dropship.

“Woo-hoo! It’s finally time to go,” Octavio said unenthusiastically. Everyone walked in one-by-one or in pairs. They all strapped up in their skydiving equipment and was prepared for the long drop ahead of them. Renee stood next to Elliot’s room in the ship while the others either went to their rooms or sat in the middle. (Reference back to the season 3 trailer for room placement) Renee was flippping her kunai peacefully while Elliot rambled about something in his room. She enjoyed listening to him talk about nonsense while the quiet humming of the ship was surrounding them. It was peaceful, atleast to her. It blocked out most of the voices and when she was around Elliot they seemed to shut up and occasionally tease her. The drop ship shook a bit and Elliot tripped a little but caught himself. Renee didnt mind turbulence since she didnt really care about anything really, she tenses up a bit sometimes but thats about it. Her scarf end swayed as the ship lowered slowly. Suddenly the screens flashed on and displayed everyone’s banners. Everyone gets a chance to customize and submit their banners to headquarters. The teams were as listed,

Lifeline, Crypto, and Gibraltar

Octane, Caustic, and Bloodhound

Mirage, Wraith, and Loba

Revenant, Pathfinder, Bangalore

Rampart

Everyone stood on their respective platforms also known as where the screens flashed their names. The champions were shown not even a minute later, Wraith’s team was shown and she said a voiceline to taunt her enemies of the day. The metal shifted under their feet and lowered slowly, revealing the bright, cold arena. Everyone at this point was used to the cold though, they were glad it was world’s edge because kings canyon during those months was scorching. Comms were switched on and everyone tested out the mics. Everything was set up and ready to go so teams started dropping towards their locations. Wraith was jumpmaster and pinged on the map, Fragment West. Everyone knew both of Fragment was dangerous and it was hotdrop that game too. You can bet that there were multiple death boxes surrounding the small yet large area. Wraith was already kill leader with 7 kills from the popular spot. Bullets were heard in the distance and Wraith portaled to gain some speed while Loba teleported and Mirage had to run. He wasn’t a running person for long distances so he just took wraith’s portal.

“W- Wait up you two! I dont have a movement ability!!” He cried out to the two girls. The two looked at eachother and giggled while looking back at the energy drained man. “Danger move” Wraith looked around and pinged an enemy and phased away out of danger. Again, Loba teleported away and Mirage was left alone to run away. They hit him good but he managed to get behind cover. Wraith lended him some shield cells and syringes and shot at the other team with her sentinel. The other team was Octane’s team and they were stacked; Octane had gold armour while his teammates had red evo. Octane also had a peacekeeper that he got from a carepackage just next to them. It was a long fight, from gas being thrown on them to the ring closing in on the two teams. They had been fighting for so long they didnt even realize that there were only 3 teams in total left. Wraith’s team, Octane’s team, and lastly Pathfinder. I would say Pathfinder’s team but his teammates died and the banner timers ran out, he was left solo.

“Everyone try to watch your backs, the robot could try to ambush one of us,” Loba turned to face her teammates, occassionally looked up and around for the tall simulacrum. “Spotted him, up there. He has a longbow and what seems to be a flatline on his back. I could snipe him down if that’s what you want,” Wraith calmly called out, pulling out her sentinel and charging it. “Go ahead beautiful,” Loba replied. In an instant, a loud, charged sentinel bullet was shot and killed the robot up on the hill, instantly eliminating him. Now, it was just Octane and Wraith’s teams left to fight. “Nice kill Re- I mean,” He cleared his throat, “Nice kill Wraith..” Wraith smiled and thanked him silently while eyeing down the other team. Seconds went by and both teams rushed eachother. Bullets whizzed by eachothers heads and occasionally hit their shoulders or legs. Octane’s team was low on meds while the other team was low on ammo. Another minute of fighting passes and Wraith’s team is deemed the champion. When they were back in the drop ship everyone congratulated them for winning even though they were in a tight spot. There was an after match party happening in an hour so everyone went back to their rooms to clean up after a long day and get dressed. Renee was first to her room to take a shower while the others stayed in the kitchen or hallways sparking conversations with eachother. While Renee took her cold shower, Elliot decided it was be such a good idea to just waltz into her room to ask her a question not knowing that she was relaxing without voices for once.

“Hey Renee! I was just wondering if you wanted to match for the uh..,” He paused, looking around, “Renee? Where are you??” He looked around the empty yet messy room. Clothes thrown everywhere and notebooks and hairties were strewn about. Her messy bed showing how much she slept that night, which it wasn’t much. He began to worry about her well-being and if she even actually took care of herself. He heard the loud shower running so he went and knocked on the bathroom door. But before he actually knocked, he thought about the things that could happen if he knocked on her bathroom door when she didnt even know that he was in her room. He’d be killed. Before he knew what was coming he accidentally knocked on the door infront of him like a reflex. He heard the girl inside gasp loudly with a few things dropping. He startled her, which was a first for him. He was in shock and did not want to move. “She’s like a T-Rex, if I dont move she cannot see me-“ He was cut off when the door swung open and a semi-dryed off Renee was standing in-front of him. She had her body wrapped with a towel and her still damp hair dripped along the floor and her scarred shoulders.

“How are you in here and what do you want,” She said firmly with an annoyed face. “One, your door was open, two, I wanted to ask if you wanted to match outfits for the after match thing..,” He sighed looking away, “Nevermind, it was a dumb question of course you dont.” He turned and apologized but before he could leave the room Renee stopped him. “Who said I didn’t want to? I wouldn’t mind matching with you,” She stepped over to her closet and sifted through the dresses section, “What color or style were you thinking of?” Elliot was astonished that she actually agreed to do anything with him. “I was thinking accents of purple..? I think it would look nice on both of us,” He sat down on a nearby chair in her room, looking away from her slender body. “Fine with me, now turn around,” She made sure he had his eyes closed and was turned around in order to change. She dropped the towel and peered back just in case. “You want him to see you” “Tell him to turn around” “Let him touch you” The voices were surrounding her but she managed to ignore them. When she finished getting dressed she had Elliot turn around.

“Wow..,” Elliot had no words for the sight in front of him. She wore a long black dress that had a slit on the side with a fluffy, purple boa draped over her shoulders and she was wearing heels making her as tall as him. She played with her hair a bit out of embarrassment while looking away. “You look..amazing,” Elliot was admiring her features that he acted like he’d never seen before, “I just- have no words.” “I dont look that good relax,” Renee walked over to her dresser and put on a necklace that had a purple gem in the middle. “Are you going to just stand there and not go to your room and get dressed?” Renee peered over at him from the mirror. “Right..right yeah, Ill be back to ‘pick you up’,” He opened the door and quietly shut it behind him. She sighed and thought out loud, “What am I going to do about him?” She put her hair in a half bun-half hair down sort of style and finished her look with mascara and a slight tint to her lips. She slipped on short black gloves and grabbed a clutch that had small purple accents on it. “He will like it” “For once you look nice” “People are going to judge you” “Nobody will approach you” “People are going to hate you” The voices started off nice but went downhill and piled hate after hate onto her. She pushed them away and mumbled to herself that tonight will be a good night. Light knocking was heard and she went to open the door, her heels clicking with every step.

“Ready to gooooo-“ He looked her up and down and smiled, “You’re beautiful” He tucked a stray strand from her hair behind her ear, “Let’s be on our way before the limosu- limosio- limo gets here.” He held out a hand and she gladly took it. They held hands for most of the way until Renee let go to check her clutch for something. She pulled it out and checked it before slipping it back in. It was her Apex ID, aka the only way to get into Apex events. You can be one of the legends but they wouldnt let you in without it since people knew how to look almost identical to them. She didn’t regrab his hand after that, she wanted to make sure no one saw. When they got to the front of the building everyone was in their formal attire. Octavio was wearing a green suit top with tailored shorts to go along with it and Natalie wore a white party dress that had orange and blue accents, Anita was in a classic suit talking to Loba who was in a short gold dress, Crypto was in a white suit with green accents, Rampart was in a blouse and office pants, Gibby was in a suit while Ajay wore a long blue dress, Bloodhound wore their goggles along with a suit that had a red cloth in its pocket, and Alexander wore a plain black suit. Revenant doesn’t dress up he said. Pathfinder simply went as himself for the night. After a couple minutes of waiting the limo drove up to the curb of the building. Everyone piled in close together and began conversations with eachother. Elliot and Renee sat really close together due to the limo being quite small for a bunch of legends. Some minutes pass and Renee’s eyes are starting to close. She finally let the sleepiness take over her and her head softly fell onto Elliot’s shoulder. He looked over at her and smiled. Most of the legends eyed them and mouthed for him not to move one bit or she would murder him.

“Elliot..,” Renee mumbled in her sleep, “I..love you..” The small sentence was only heard by the man allowing her to sleep. He tensed up but relaxed as her arm draped over his. The limo pulled up to the event center and a red carpet was dramatically rolled out for the legends. One-by-one everyone was walking down the red carpet either together or solo. Im guessing you can guess which ones walked solo. Elliot nudged Renee and she slowly opened her eyes. She yawned quietly and her eyes met his. They looked at eachother and then she backed away, standing up. She turned away and quickly walked out of the limo and Elliot followed shortly after. Elliot caught up and walked beside her while she covered her eyes from the flashing of the cameras. He enjoyed all the attention on him but Renee never did. He realized what was happening and walked directly infront of her, taking the spotlight. The taller put his hand behind his back and Renee allowed herself to grab and squeeze it lightly. He led her somewhere private and sat her down on a wall away from everyone else.

“You okay? I know you dont like the atten- attentin- eyes on you,” he knelt down, matching his eye level with hers. “I’m fine, you dont have to worry about me so much you know,” She sighed and leaned back slightly, “Let’s just get back to the others before they think were fucking or something.” Elliot offered a hand but she declined, pushing herself up from the wall. She swayed her hips with every step she took towards the doors. Her dress flowed down neatly from her waist down to the carpeted floor. He watched her walk away as the boa she wore bounced with her strides. “W- wait up Renee!” He yelled, fast-walking towards her but she was already through the doors. When he made it through, it was bustling with legends from other ports and random game organizers. There was loud music playing from speakers up above and most of the legends were by the bar including Anita and Loba. Others were either on couches or talking near walls with each other. There were people dancing in the middle of the room where flashing lights and more sparkled along the area. His eye caught the bright purple boa from across the room.

“Hey Ren, glad I finally found you,” He sat next to the now relaxed woman, “Let me guess, appletini?” She gave a side-glance towards him while she sipped the drink he guessed. It was her usual at the Paradise Bar so it wasn’t weird. Minutes went by and the found themselves laughing at eachother from stupid jokes and random stories. A slow-dancing song played on the speakers and everyone got with a partner.

“Wanna go dance with me Ren?” Elliot grabbed her hand, pointing to where everyone was partnered together. “I can’t really dance Elliot, I dont know if I could do it,” Renee responded back to him, covering her face with her boa. “Oh, come on you can’t be that bad at dancing. It’s not that hard, come on I’ll teach you,” He grabbed her hand and pulled her off the seat to take her over to everyone else. He brought her to the dance floor and held her close, guiding her hands to where they were supposed to be. He placed her hands on her lower waist and swayed side-to-side with her. “See? I told you it wasnt that ha-“ He winced as she stepped on his foot, “It’s fine, I forgive you since you’re a beginner.” She apologized anyways and held him closer. As the song came to an end everyone seperated except for them.

“This is nice,” Renee pulled away from his arms, “Want to go somewhere more..quiet?” Elliot’s face contorted to a confused yet happy expression. “I know just the place Ren!” He grabbed her hand and practically sprinted out the doors with her, bringing her to a cliff just off the side of the road. He sat down far away from the edge and patted the spot next to him, signalling for her to walk over and sit next to him. The sun was setting and it was the most beautiful thing that Renee had ever seen. “Oh wow Elliot..I never knew about this spot,” She couldn’t stop gazing at the orange and red hues surrounding the hot ball of gas. “My mom would take me here sometimes, from the sunset, the sunrise, and the stars oh my god the stars. She’d make them so amazing but one day she got so sick and she couldn’t take me anymore. So everytime we get to come here I come out here, to escape the whole legend thing and relax by myself. But now, I see two pretty things infront of me..the sunset and well, you,” He gently grabbed her hand and her reddish face was hard to see in the dark. She turned her head towards him and he smiled softly. “This reminds me of something I saw today, a post with a drawing of us. There’s just one thing missing to complete the scene I believe,” Renee saw him thinking and it looked like a lightbulb just turned on in his head. He leaned in and so did she. They closed their eyes and-

kissed

The scene matched the vibe of the social media post that Renee had randomly come across. It was a strange feeling to Renee, for she had never felt this way towards anyone before. Atleast, not a time that she could remember. Elliot had a goofy smile plastered on his face afterwards. She grinned and leaned on his shoulder as they gazed at the stars that started to peek from the horizon. “Alright yuh lovebirds, get yuh asses inside before we leave without yuh guys,” Ajay leaned against the door, watching them. “Oh, alright. We’ll be right there Ajay,” Renee looked over her shoulder to the other girl and smiled softly. Ajay nodded and closed the door behind her. Elliot was the first to get up and then offered a hand for Renee to grab. She gladly took it and he hoisted her up to her feet. She brushed off any dirt that may have gotten onto her dress. As they went back inside, no one really looked at them apart from quick glances. Anita signalled to them over at the entrance that they were leaving the event. They held hands as they rushed over to the group, not wanting to let go of eachother. Anita counted them and led everyone back to the limosuine so they could pile in the same way they did when they arrived.

(Back at the Apex Dormrooms)(Specifically Elliots Room)

The two were sitting on top of the bed in Elliot’s room, talking. Everyone had just got back to the dorms and they had rushed out so they could get some privacy. “So..what are we now?” Renee turned towards Elliot, who was fidgeting with his hands. He looked up and shifted into a more comfortable position to look at the girl next to him. He looked back infront of him and flopped back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. “Whatever you want us to be, Ren,” His eyes glanced at her features from the angle he was in.

“I want to be...more than friends-“

“Best friends?”

“No-“

“Best best friends..?”

“Elliot-“

“What?”

“I want to be together, as in I want us to date and do things that couples do,” her head turned towards him. “A-are you sure?? I-I-I mean I dont think Im that bad at being a boyfriend but are you really sure you want to be in a rela- rele- be with me???” He stammered, not knowing what to say. “Yes,” was all she had to say when Elliot pulled her in close to lay down next to him. He kissed her cheeks and her forehead multiple times before stopping to stare at her beauty. She giggled and smiled then held him down into a cuddle position on the bed. “This is what I’ve always wanted, despite me acting like I never did,” She admitted, tracing circles on the others chest. “Did you want to sleep here for the night? Or..we’re you going to go back to your room?” Elliot asked, but got no response from the other. Renee was fast asleep in his arms, snoring softly. Elliot smiled a loving smile and kissed her forehead lightly then fell asleep quick with the warmth she amitted.

E X T R A

Octane walked into Elliot’s room, knowing it was unlocked and because he was his best friend. He had his phone in hand, ready to ask a question about the future match. His eyes darted towards the bed after noticing that the lights were off. There, he saw his best friend with the stone cold girl, who never really showed emotion. He gasped quietly and opened the camera app on his phone. He snapped a picture but before he knew it, the flash went off and lit up the entire area of the man’s bed. Renee groaned and covered herself more with the blanket that was draped over her and Elliot. He quickly stepped out of the room where the couple rested and snickered at the photo he caught. His first thought was to post it, his second? To post it and then print it and frame it. He didnt want to seem like a bitch so he decided to post it with the caption, “Found the lovebirds mating LOL” Within a matter of seconds, the post flooded with likes and shares. Which meant that all if not most of the legends would see it. You bet that Elliot and Renee we’re furious when they both came across it the next day..

THE END

word count: 5,445

Hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it :] <3

Quotes will resume Monday,, 2:00pm CT

#apex legends #apex #miraith #mirage apex legends #apex legends mirage #mirage #wraith apex legends #apex legends wraith #wraith

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bnhaficsforthesoul · 4 years

Note

You are too good to us you know that? My request (for whenever you get to it 0 rush) is more of the Deadpool quirk S/o to where the reason they didnt tell anyone, along with doubting anyone beliveing them, is that they have some really tramatic memories of being killed sevral times at a young age or being a human experiment or something else really bad, so they were scared that if they said anything it would happen again. Them telling Dabi & Tomura why. Love how you write hurt/comfort. ❤🧡💛💚💙

Thank youuu 💜💜

Warning: abuse

Dabi

Your parents were doctors, and thinking that your special quirk was a great way to make some money, they completely exploited it

Barely treated you as their kid, except when it was necessary

“Of course we love you, but we’re doing this to benefit society. Don’t you want to help everyone? Be a good kid and listen to us, we’re your parents, you can trust us.”

They would experiment various poisons or chemicals and test it on you, seeing how long they would take to kill you or how much was needed

And then what could counteract those to see if they could heal you

Would perform various surgeries on you to see how they affected your body

Then they would use this ‘research’ and give it to the medical community - making a name for themselves in how great it was that they were doing so much work to help society

They had no care for what happened to you, you died countless times due to their experiments

You managed to run away when you were like 14, stealing enough of their money to get by for a little while until you figured out how to survive in the world

What you deemed the worst was that they pretended like they loved you the whole time- that gave you serious trust issues, how could anyone mean it when they say they love you? Theyll probably just use you again

So when you met Dabi, of course you never told him

Even though you know you love him, and you want to believe that he means it when he says he loves you, youre not sure

And youre scared that hell decide to exploit your quirk himself, maybe tell someone who would give him a lot of money so they can have you

But of course you ended up ‘dying’ around him, and you gave him the quick excuse of ‘oh people dont believe me haha’ since you didn’t wanna tell him the truth and he seemed to believe it

However, weeks later, you noticed how nothing changed

He hasnt treated you any differently and you havent randomly been kidnapped or something, so he must not have done anything with the knowledge of your quirk

And once you realized that - you immediately broke down because, you actually started to believe for the first time that he truly loves and cares about you - you can trust Dabi and youre unbelievably happy about that

Like you run to find him and just throw yourself into your arms

Hes so confused, youre crying but smiling and he just has no idea whats going on

But then you pull him back into your room and hes like ‘whats up?’

And you finally tell him all about your past - he just sits there shocked, shocked and angry

Doesnt say much the entire time, he just holds your hands tightly as you speak and tears keep flowing down your face

Once your done, he pulls you into a tight hug, starting to cry himself

“Listen to me, I wont let that happen ever again. You’re safe with me. I promise.”

He really doesnt know how to react - hes just pissed and sad

He probably wants to go find your parents and kill them, but for right now you just want to be with him and hes fine with that

Hell hold you all night and just tell you how thankful he is for you and how much he loves you - its going to be a rare, open moment with him

He never talks about what he actually feels, but he knows that you really need to hear it so hell talk about it all night

Shigaraki

You grew up in a family that didn’t want you

It was just your mom, she was an alcoholic and had no money - and she absolutely hated you

She wasnt even aware of what your quirk was, one day she got upset and hit you over the head with a wine bottle really hard, and you died

Only to come back later

Honestly that just made her more angry, shed constantly hit you and whatnot with no care to if you died

And since you technically couldnt die, she wouldnt even feed you for months at a time

Your entire childhood was spent suffering, but you didn’t know what to do if you left

She told you how youre a freak and no one would want you, so you stayed

However, she died when you were 12 due to her alcoholism and overall not being able to take care of herself

And you were alone

You became a petty criminal - stealing what you needed to survive and just trying to get by without suffering too much

Besides, at least you had food sometimes now

When you were 19, you heard of this League of Villains - and decided you might as well join, you didn’t care what they were about, it was a place where you could try and find a purpose for yourself

And then you met Tomura - he liked you pretty quick since you weren’t there for Stain, even though you weren’t really there for him in the beginning either

You didn’t think bothering him with your past was important, besides - this is a group of villains. And even though he’s never hurt you and you wanted to trust him, he could literally kill you with a touch, and hes gotten pretty close to killing other members

So you didn’t see why he wouldnt be against killing you if he knew you wouldnt die, you knew he cared about you so he wouldnt kill you, but you werent sure what he would do if given the chance

But then he found out about your quirk when you died, and he didn’t do anything - even though he was kinda mad at you afterwards

You felt bad just saying you thought he wouldnt believe you since obviously he didnt think it was a good enough answer to hide it from him for so long

So one day he was playing video games and you were sitting next to him, and you randomly started talking about it

“When I said I didn’t tell you because I thought you wouldn’t believe me- it wasn’t exactly the truth.”

And hes like ya i kinda guessed, but he expects you to continue explaining exactly why

And honestly its gonna be rough, cause he has troubles with how much you trust him, so hes kinda hurt that you thought he would hurt you

But he tries to understand that you felt you could trust no one, and that it wasn’t just him

“That bitch is lucky shes already dead…”

Hes not all to great at comforting, but he is glad that you told him

“Do you trust me now?”

As long as you promise that you trust that he wont hurt you now, then hell let it go. He wont say anything really, but hell kinda change the subject to a lighter one

“I’m bored of this game… grab that controller and play something with me.”

#dabi headcanons #dabi imagine #dabi x reader #dabi #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki imagine #shigaraki headcanons #shigaraki tomura #league of villains #bnha #mha

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blookmallow · 4 years

Text

and now we return to outlast 2, where-

THINGS KEEP GETTING SO, SO MUCH WORSE

(i have... a LOT im trying to process about this whole section sorry for upcoming text walls. really nasty #blood / #gore in here as well though) (i didnt realize i was This far behind on liveblogs lmao i drafted this. a while ago and didnt get back to it until now)

---

so i fell off the bridge (shock. horror. who could have predicted this) and right into the scalled village

what.............happened to you

fuCKING GO D

so it turns out “the scalled” are... some kind of leper colony banned from the town and left to fester and rot out here alone

most of them are just lying around suffering and dying, i dont know what the fuck happened to them, there’s some mention of like. wildly untreated syphilis/potentially other stds they’re being told is their curse for the sins they’ve committed but does.... syphilis do that to you. it might actually be leprosy i dont know i dont want to research this. all i can think about is when i watched jesus christ superstar in high school and the leper colony song where they’re all crowding around jesus all trying to touch him REALLY freaked me out for a while

i mean its like. probably a combination of disease left horrifically untreated and massively infected given the absolutely appalling conditions these people are living in (everything’s run down and full of blood and shit and who knows what else), starvation, who knows what they’re even finding to eat out here so that’s probably causing even more disease but still jesus christ

at first it just made me really sad, sure these people came from temple gate too so they were. fucked up cultists to begin with but a lot of this is like... result of longterm emotional and mental abuse and manipulation, some of these people might not have started out as depraved evil murderers, and like. nobody deserves to live like this. except knoth lmao throw him down here, but

so i thought maybe it would turn out that you realize they’re human too, they’re just in a fucking LOT of pain and maybe you can’t do anything to help them (i dont think there’s any hope for anyone down here at this point) but maybe they’d turn out to be on my side and do something to help me fight back against the leader who abandoned them, “the most absolutely fucked up looking people are actually the most human” kind of thing but uh. that is not how things went. at all,

ill get into How Fucking Bad this got in a second lmao but like

most of them dont really do anything to you other than bleed on you and beg you for help, some people lash out but thats like, understandable given the horrifying state they’re in, but

as it turns out, being the “scalled messiah” is a VERY bad thing, they went from occasionally lashing out at me to outright tracking me down to murder me to death which, like, honestly kind of disappointing

bc one of the things i liked the most about the first outlast was how many of the prisoners were clearly just victims too, some of them (lookin at you, naked twin guys,) were just evil and murderous but some of them were just very very mentally unwell (exacerbated by horrible living conditions and the fact that the people who were supposed to be protecting them and helping them recover were actively, intentionally working to make their symptoms worse) and couldn’t really be blamed for acting violently toward you, but

then sometimes there’s people who warn you about dangers ahead, people sitting in corners hiding and scared and wont hurt you unless you give them a reason to think you might be a threat, people just trying to stay alive, people who need help

but that’s. not the case here, and there’s definitely a particular kind of horror in “absolutely no one in this hell town can be trusted, nobody will help me, everyone here wants to hurt me and every time i think ive made any kind of progress it gets so much worse” (except that ONe guy who tried to protect me. im still sad about him) but. i dont know i feel like there’s a missed opportunity here. im not sure if im supposed to feel like the scalled deserve to be like this because of the kind of people they were before, but i dont. i feel like the “what the fucking shit HAPPENED to these people” horror is heightened by the realization that they’re people, and just kinda using them as attack zombies is. missing something, somehow. i dont know, i cant figure out how to word what i want to say here

i mean its absolutely fucking horrifying, i was scared out of my mind going through all this, and i still gotta give props to a video game experience that left me legitimately feeling like i needed to go take a shower and crawl under a blanket for a while

i guess ultimately with outlast im coming here to be scared shitless more than anything else and boy did they ever fucking deliver

ok im gonna stop bc i will keep talking in circles about this forever if i dont, moving on

WHAT EVEN ARE THESE GUYS, APART FROM COMPLETELY TERRIBLE

im guessing theres some kind of... inbreeding birth defect situation going on here but i cant even process what im looking at

that and its hard to look at them at all considering the only times i see them im getting murdered to death. my panicked screenshots hoping to get a better look later did not help

PRETTY SURE THEY JUST MADE HIM DRINK THEIR BLOOD,

how the fuck has my dude not thrown up like 90 times already. im glad he hasnt bc im bad emetophobia but outlast 1 did it so im honestly surprised that hasnt happened unless ive just forgotten it in the blur of nightmares im going through here

THAT’S... NOT GOOD

THAT IS REALLY, REALLY NOT GOOD

FUCK SHIT MOTHERFUCKING FUCK

i gotta say im impressed with how FAR they GO with this one, i have no idea how much game i have left but considering this isnt even the ending i am HORRIFIED to see what the fuck is gonna happen next

i mean outlast 1 has you getting your fucking fingers sliced off and whistleblower has. That Scene (even though like. it stops before waylon actually gets cut its REALLY CLOSE)

this whole time i kept thinking something would happen and they’d get interrupted, I’d escape somehow, they aren’t really going to have the player character get literally fucking crucified from your own perspective,

but then the nails go in

and you’ve got one hand literally nailed to a cross

and then they start the other one

and i was like, WOW FUCK, THEY ACTUALLY DID IT, BUT NOW HE’LL ESCAPE... SOMEHOW.... RIGHT ???

but they lift it up

and you’re hanging there

and for a second i legitimately thought it was gonna end there for him, i thought he was actually just going to die there and the game would continue with lynn or something (which, to be fair, would be a pretty cool twist, but i dont WANT blake to just die here like this)

ANYWAY!! FUCKING GOD, THAT SURE HAPPENED

but against all odds HE SOMEHOW DIDNT FUCKING DIE, and managed to find the strength to rIP HIS HANDS OUT OF THE NAILS AND FALL DOWN

i cannot fucking IMAGINE what that would feel like. i dont want to imagine it but i sure the fuck am now

i dont know if its possible to like. die from bleeding out in this scene if you dont find the bandages fast enough but it sure felt like i was going to

fucking hell i can practically feel it in my real hands i HATE THIS i HATe it

god. fuck. im gonna be thinking about this scene for the rest of my life i didnt think anything would ever be worse than the finger slicing scene in outlast 1 but this. i think this wins

wHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?!??? THERES SOMETHING CHASING ME IN THE SCHOOL FLASHBACKS NOW IM NOT EVEN SAFE HERE ANYMORE

WHAT *IS* THAT??!??

w OA h

i still have no IDEA whats going on with these flashbacks either, clearly his classmate hung herself and he feels subconsciously responsible for it because he didn’t do anything to stop her (though it doesn’t sound like he Could have done anything, and. they were kids), there’s definitely some buried trauma he never dealt with thats resurfacing now but

i still dont think its just a manifestation of trauma, because like. the recordings are still coming out as fucked up static, if he was just having really intense hallucinations there wouldn’t be any record on the camera, it would just be him filming nothing and talking to himself through a panic attack, it wouldn’t be getting consistently corrupted ONLY during the flashbacks so what the fuck is happening

COLA

DRINK IT

i m losing it its the cola machines from the first game i diD NOT EXPECT THESE TO BE HERE

what the fuck is christian salad

you didn’t think i would see this, outlast devs, you thought you could hide this on the menu board and i wouldnt notice. i did notice and i demand answers

NO!!!! THAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF OKAY THIS IS THE LEAST OKAY I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE

WELL!!!!! OKAY!!!! ALRIGHT!!!! NOW THAT I’VE BEEN LITERALLY FUCKING CRUCIFIED, FELL DOWN A HILL AND STRAIGHT INTO A FENCE OF BARBED WIRE, GOT DRAGGED OUT HERE AND BURIED ALIVE, CRAWLED MY WAY OUT OF MY OWN GRAVE AND NOW HAVE HOARDS OF DISEASED ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE CULTISTS SEARCHING FOR ME SO THEY CAN DEVOUR MY FLESH, LET’S GET GOING, SHALL WE

THIS IS FINE!!! EVERYTHING IS FINE I CANT SEE SHIT AND THERES NOTHING BUT TREES AND BARBED WIRE EVERYWHERE AND NO INDICATIONS WHATSOEVER OF WHERE I NEED TO GO BUT IT’S F IN E IM DOING GREAT

#lucy plays outlast 2 #was further behind than i thought lmao but heres some more

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missjackil · 5 years

Text

My 14x14 Opinion

Ouroboros

It goes without saying, that the last 3 episodes were tough acts to follow. I didn't have high expectations about this episode because I figured they would dial it back a little after all of that drama, but the month-long hiatus made me want whatever they could throw at me! However, I have to say I was pleasantly surprised! I really enjoyed this episode, so without further ado, let's talk....

This was a good solid MOTW, even though it included Cas, Jack, and Rowena, it still had a good creepy, old skool vibe. Noah was a very interesting bad guy. Something we haven't gotten in a while. Attractive, smart, charming, and of course a cannibal! A dude that kisses dudes to poison them, isn't an angle SPN uses often LOL But how are ya gonna kiss all these boring, unattractive dudes (including Cas) and not kiss a Winchester?

I wasn't 100% pleased that it was fairly low Sam content, not as low as some episodes have been but at least his content was good. I'll get to that in a minute, I want to talk about how good Jack was. I really love how he’s being written. His dry humor is excellent! He sneezes and everyone looks at him “There’s pepper somewhere... I'm not dying” so self-aware, it's ironically funny! I loved that he was a dog! And how he delivered the line about having his temperature taken LOL poor Jack! It was probably worth it though, to be cuddled by Sam, I know Id take one for the team to be cuddled by Sam 😁

Rowena was also great. She and Sam fighting like a married couple was just awesome! They both really nailed that scene, and I laughed out loud for real. I also loved the exchange in Noah’s apartment

Sam: He doesn't seem to be much of a snake guy

Rowena: The lack of Pantera posters is one sign (I might not have gotten that verbatim, I've only watched once, but I laughed and felt very called out LOL)

I loved Rowena blatantly flirting with Cas, and though I adore the Sam and Rowena friendship, I think I'm about to ship Rostiel... anyone want to jump on board? I am also glad she acknowledged that if Sam is the only one who can kill her, it might make dinners awkward, but theres also a sense of security in that. I mean all you really have to do is not piss Sam off too much right?

Cas is pretty much useless anymore as a fighter or a healer, but he’s pretty good at the pep talks. The diner scene was boring, and didnt seem necessary since they were just at the motel and were going right back. Dean didnt confide anything in Cas that he hasnt with Sam, nor did he have an emotional moment with him like Hellers wanted. However, the talk Cas had with Jack, about humans shining bright for a short time, got me really choked up I must say.

Now Sam and Dean had some good broments. Give me some of that and you score bonus points with me. Lots of brother touching when Dean got knocked out, lots of panic from Sam. A decent comfort scene in the infirmary, I really good explosion of Dean, when he started freaking out and Sam trying to calm him down. And Dean calling for Sam when Mike was torturing them! Im not salty that Dean hollared at Sam about how he should have let him get in the box, I would expect he’d feel that way.

Now all the AU hunters are dead. I think all of them except AU Bobby. Im a little mad that they didnt do more with Maggie, like make her Jack’s friend or girlfriend or something? Maybe they had intent in the beginning, then Dabb looked at the plate before him and decided there were too many stories for a 20 episode season, and cut bait. I have to wonder though if Mary will be upset, or at least mourne the loss of all the people she was willing to write her sons off for all eternity for last season? Probably not, and she’s just gonna seem that much more cold in my eyes.

Now the grand finale was pretty good. I was worried that Sam would have to kill Rowena in order to kill Mike, as soon as I saw Mike was in Rowena. Maybe Mike would kill Jack and Sam would go after him without thinking about Rowena... so Jack taking it over was a nice twist. I liked the effect of Mike leaving Rowena and hovering overhead, and Im glad Jack ate his Grace and is “back” now. I also love that he shouted “Im a Winchester!” To me that officially makes him Sam and Dean’s son :)

My concern now is that Jack may have no human soul left. He “seems” ok in some upcoming BTS shots Ive seen, and episode synopses so maybe hes ok. However, the penultimate episode is entitled Jack in the Box so Im worried.

Overall this was a really good episode. It’s not making my top 10 but it fits in my top 25 somewhere. Ill watch it again later today, and I cant wait!

So on a scale of Bloodlines to Lebanon Im giving this a strong 7. Very entertaining MOTW/Myth combo! S14b is really good so far!

#supernatural 14x14 spoilers #ouroboros spoilers #my opinion

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unityghost · 6 years

Text

Scratches

I’ve come to supply the internet with more angst. One can never have too much angst. It’s kind of like parmesan cheese.

This fic, part 6 of my ultra-emo series Post-Asmodeus Sabriel Feels, is based on a prompt I got from @t-rexhighfives, who proposed the following: “later down the line (like probably a yearor two in the future), sam having a particularly bad day (bc lord knows sam hasnt been allowed to work through his own traumas, both bc of everything that happens and bc he wont let himself work through it) and then gabe is having a moderately bad day (not awful, not the worst, but not great either) and sam is trying to help gabe and its just. not working. and gabe is like '... sam, you okay?' and sams just like ‘fine, im fine’ and they both know its a lie and so gabe decides that since sam has helped him so much, hes gonna return the favor (idk if this is even interesting or good, i just think it would be interesting to have the tables turned on sam lol)”

It was good, and it was interesting! So thanks.

WARNING: This story contains brief references to torture and sexual assault.

... The spirit had been slaughtered by a local priest, and was exercising his revenge upon the clergy at the church across from where he was buried. Every seventy years or so, the parishioners were given the news that their pastor - or, occasionally, the assistant priest - had been burned alive. The general consensus was that it was suicide, and that the latest victims had picked up the idea from the unfortunate history of the parish. Sure, there were rumors of curses, of witchcraft and phantoms - but it was all fare for a small town whose self-image was all eighteenth-century colonial New England serenity.

The whole thing should have been a simple affair - gathering the sources, visiting the church, identifying the grave. And all of that had indeed been pretty straightforward; what they hadn’t anticipated was how swift and vicious the spirit proved to be.

He caught them in the dead of night just as they were preparing to incinerate the remains. Dean was armed with a lit match, per protocol, and the spirit seized it from his hand before throwing himself at Sam, forcing him into the dewey grass. He began to scratch at Sam’s face with ragged fingernails, and he screamed about the priest who had counseled him, the priest who had believed that some people deserved an early damnation. The spirit howled about how he himself had been among the casualties of the rector’s delusion.

But the spirit gave a spidery smile as he spoke about burning any priest that dared to warn the congregants about the dangers of taking a fellow man or woman to bed, lest they find themselves punished by the devil - just as he had been punished by the Reverend Casper Lockwood.

Only as the spirit attacked his brother did Dean find himself grateful that Sam allowed Gabriel to accompany them. Wickford Village in North Kingstown, Rhode Island was one of the few places Gabriel had never been in his millennia of existence.

“It’s not like there’s any real reason to go to Rhode Island at all,” he’d insisted. “Who cares about clams and potholes? But,” he conceded, “I could use a trip to overpriced new-age tourist shops as much as the next guy. You ever get ahold of those A-to-Z angel encyclopedias? I’m gonna sneak in and draw Shrek all over them.”

But in the cemetery, Gabriel - whose grace had returned in full force over the year since his rescue from Asmodeus - wrenched the spirit off of Sam, whose face was streaked with blood from the wounds inflicted by jagged fingernails, and pinned him down. But the spirit was strong; it seized Gabriel’s legs and threw him into the ground, reversing their positions so that Gabriel was crushed.

But there is no taking away an archangel’s ability to start a fire once he’s made up his mind and has his hands free.

Gabriel snapped his fingers, and the remains ignited.

Sam lay on the ground, listening to the growl of the flames.

By the time it was all over, the sky had inched from blue to gray, and Dean could barely stand up. Neither he nor Sam had slept in over twenty-four hours. He stumbled on his way back to the car, parked on the quiet village road strewn with the first shriveled leaves of late September.

“Dude,” said Sam, watching his brother collapse against the car. “You’re not driving like that.”

“I’m just tired; Father Pyro barely even noticed me.” Dean straightened up, pulled the door open, and hit himself himself in an inopportune area. “Son of a - !” He bent double and groaned. “You win this round, jerk. Get in the car.”

“No thanks, bitch. You think Cas could drive? I was thinking of hanging around, getting some breakfast at the café we saw on our way over.”

Dean raised his head to stare at Sam. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, I mean, I can’t go to sleep now that it’s almost daylight.”

“I don’t even know where Cas - ”

“I’m here, Dean.” Cas shuffled over to them, face littered with fine bloody streaks just as Sam’s was. “Sam - ” He placed his middle and index fingers on Sam’s forehead and the pain of the scratch marks faded.

Sam touched his face. Only five o’ clock shadow. “Thanks. Now heal yourself.”

Castiel shook his head. “I don’t have enough grace at the moment. Fighting back was a little more than I’d - ”

“Let me, brother.” Gabriel touched him just as Castiel had touched Sam, and the wounds melted away.

“Sam, you’re gonna have to drive,” Dean instructed. His forehead was wrinkled in discomfort but he seemed otherwise recovered. That clumsy accident was, Sam realized gratefully, the worst that had happened to his brother tonight. “Cas is exhausted.”

Castiel looked more closely at Sam. “Sam, are you all right?”

“Yeah, Cas, you patched me up. Should have saved some of that juice for your - ”

“No. I mean you look distressed.”

Gabriel shot Sam a sharp glance. “He’s right, kiddo. What’s the matter?”

“I’m okay.” Sam was embarrassed. “Just thought I’d stick around for a little bit. I can always sleep later. You guys can head on back to the motel.”

“Sammy, you should come too.” Dean’s tone was gentler this time. “You need to get some rest. Come on.”

Sam shook his head. “I’m fine. Really. I promise. Later, okay?”

“I could use a cup of coffee myself,” Gabriel chimed in.

“You don’t need caffeine,” Sam pointed out. “It doesn’t do anything for you.”

Gabriel inclined his head in acknowledgement. “Technically you’re right. But in a much more important sense, you’re wrong. And besides, I just got a nice little bone-fire going for you guys, didn’t I?”

“You do realize how that sounds, don’t you?” Dean groaned.

Gabriel ignored him. “Coffee can only lead to more grace, am I right, little bro?”

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Castiel replied.

“Oh, you’ve had one too many herbal teas. This guy” - he jerked a thumb at Sam - “is a bad influence.

“Gabe,” Sam interrupted, “I kind of want to be by myself.”

“Archangel vote counts as two; it’s the rules.”

Sam scoffed. “Whose rules?”

“Humans aren’t allowed access to that kind of information. Know your place, Sam. Now let’s go; these two want to get on the road.”

Sam struggled for a moment before admitting defeat. “Whatever, yeah, fine. I’ll see you guys later, okay?”

Dean hesitated. “Call if anything comes up. We’ll be around.”

Castiel’s gaze met Sam’s. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

Sam crossed his arms, shuddering against a chilly breeze. The sting of the wounds echoed in his skin like the remnants of a bad smell. “Yeah. Fine.”

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Gabriel promised.

With some reluctance, Dean and Cas climbed into the Impala, then drove away until they turned left on Main Street and disappeared.

Sam started walking in that same direction, saying nothing and refusing to acknowledge Gabriel keeping pace alongside him.

Sam kept touching his face, inspecting it for damage, and tried to ignore the twist of his stomach and the pounding of his heart.

But the silvery morning was too quiet, quiet enough to usher in a new voice: the voice that had playfully told him to hold still, that he wasn’t allowed to writhe in agony, that the more he screamed the deeper the knife would dig into him.

To Gabriel’s credit, he didn't try to initiate conversation. But it was hard for Sam to ignore the feeling of being examined from eight inches below.

The café opened its doors at 6:00, so they had fifteen minutes to lean against the bulky wood fence blocking off pedestrians from the water underneath. Off in the distance they could see a harbor and a few ducks and geese paddling their way into the daylight.

Finally, Gabriel spoke. “What was that?”

Sam shoved his hands into his pockets. “What was what?”

“The way you looked like you were gonna be sick the second that undadly freak of creation went back to where it belonged. What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

Gabriel’s expression darkened. “No, Sam. Nooooooo, no no no no no. I am not about to play the same game with you that you play with me.

"Sam creased his brow. “What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” When Sam continued to look puzzled, Gabriel sighed. “That stupid back-and-forth where I freak out, and you become some kind of saintly masochist, and I try to get you to go away, and you say things like ‘Let me help you, Gabe’ and ‘I’m not gonna hurt you, Gabe’ and ‘I don’t want you to keep this inside, Gabe.’ That game.”

Sam looked away.

“Spill it, Winchester. What’s going on with you?”

Still averting his eyes, Sam muttered, “Bad memories. That's all.”

“That’s all.”

“Yes, Gabriel. That’s all.”

“Okay, well, what was that thing you said to me about trying to open up when someone offers to help make things feel a little less, I don’t know, soul-crushing? Oh, that’s right: you said to open up when someone offers to help make things feel a little less soul-crushing.”

Sam shook his head, thought about crossing his arms again, and realized he felt safer if he tried not to move at all. “You’re not going to want to hear it. It’s … it’s Hell stuff. It’d remind you of what happened with Asmodeus.”

“You mean like my stuff made you remember your time in the Cage?” He felt almost satisfied at the guilt that crossed Sam’s face. “Sam. Come on. It’s me. I owe you one anyway.”

“We’re not trading stocks,” Sam protested. “You’re not ready to deal with my shit, Gabriel.”

“Well if this stubbornness is anything to go by, you weren’t ready to deal with mine either.”

There were several moments of silence, in which Gabriel realized the weight of what he had said.

“You’ve helped so much,” he told Sam, hugging himself in a protective stance; and Sam could see that he was suddenly afraid someone would hurt him for his mistake. “I didn’t mean you haven’t. You’ve done a good job. You’re too patient, Sam. I don’t deserve what you’ve given me. Shut up,” he added as Sam opened his mouth to object. “My point is that I want to return the favor, not that I have to.”

Sam sighed. Gabriel let him have a few moments to think before Sam finally spoke. “That guy … the spirit … you saw the way he pinned me to the ground and made cuts all over my face?”

“Uncourteous bastard,” Gabriel agreed.

“Well …” Sam rubbed his palms together, staring off somewhere into the distance. “I still get these … these dreams about how Lucifer used to do the same thing. Only … only instead of trapping me on the ground, he’d throw me into the fire and keep me there while he drew on me. Pictures, you know - graffiti, sort of. Family pictures of all his brothers and sisters - every last one. But like …” Sam swallowed. “He used knives. All kinds of knives. I, uh - yeah. Yeah, that’s …” He trailed off, lowering his gaze to the sidewalk, examining his shoes - caked with clammy soil from the cemetery.

Gabriel tilted his head. “All right. Welp. That explains it. Now was that so hard?”

“Damn it, Gabriel.” Sam looked angry. “You know it is.”

Gabriel flinched. “I just … I want to help you.”

Sam glanced at him, and his expression softened in concern. “Gabriel, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to - ”

Gabriel waved a dismissive hand. “No, no, I’m good. Really. But anyway, Sam - why are you keeping this under wraps? Or, I mean, are you? Isn’t your brother there to listen? Or my brother?”

“I don’t know; I guess they could be.”

“But you won’t say anything.”

“I …” Sam licked his lips. “Gabriel … you understand. You understand better than anyone. I can’t talk about it because … because there’s too much there. Because I want to forget. And because I - ” The words caught in his throat. Gabriel watched him closely, wondering how to handle this with Sam as well as Sam had with him.

“Because what?” he pressed.

“Because I - because the last thing we need is extra problems,” Sam blurted out. “You’ve all got enough to be dealing with. And me complaining isn’t going to change anything; you know that! Besides,” he added more calmly, “This was your first time on a hunt with us - ever since things started to get a little better. You should be worrying about yourself, Gabriel.”

“Did you forget what I told you about how archangels have the final - ”

“The way he held you down.” Sam’s voice was quiet. “I know what that must have done to you.”

Gabriel tensed and Sam almost wished he hadn’t said anything to remind Gabriel of all those nightmares, all those spasms of memories - memories of the cold stone floor against his back and the hard warm body on top of him. “I’m not denying that. But look at me: I’m okay. A little shaken up, maybe, but okay. I knew what I was getting into. And anyway, now that I don’t need food or sleep I won’t have nightmares or puke my guts up. So forget about me for a second.”

Silence fell again. And then Sam said, “You know you can talk to me, right?”

Gabriel gave an exasperated sigh. “Yes, yeah, Sam, I do. You’ve drilled that into my brain. But now that I have a clear head, I want to help you too.”

“Why?”

Gabriel stared at him in disbelief. “I don’t know, maybe something to do with the fact that you've held my head over the toilet in the middle of the night so many times I lost count? Or the way you made sure nobody ever touched me without my permission? Or how, after months of me clinging to you, you didn’t give up?”

Sam grimaced. “Well, that was because you were …” He tried to find a diplomatic adjective. “… troubled.”

Gabriel tutted. “If by ‘troubled’ you mean ‘an undignified disaster,’ then I agree. But how is this any different, really? Come on. I’m not gonna take a single thing you say seriously if you don’t prove to me that you can practice what you preach.”

“Gabriel.” Sam was frustrated now. “What happened to me happened a long time ago. You’re just getting back on your feet. You need to focus on - ”

“You’re right.” Gabriel touched his shoulder as delicately as possible, knowing what it was like to be afraid of touch. “It was a long time ago. But that means it’s been sitting with you for years. What have you done with it? What I’d really like is for you to let me know when something freaks you out - don’t just hold that in. But it doesn’t have to be me; it can be anyone.”

Seagulls squawked overhead. The twin aromas of coffee and pastries drifted through the crisp morning air; 6:00 A.M. had come and gone, and the café doors were open. But neither of them made a move to go in.

“I think I’d want it to be you.” The confession surprised Gabriel, and he blinked. “Because … I think you’d genuinely want to hear it. Not Dean; he’s worse than I am. He’s not even tempted to say anything and he doesn’t need me throwing out all these reminders of what he went through.” His features hardened. “But neither do you. I know you’re more interested, and it’s not that I don’t appreciate it - I do. But it’s gonna make things worse for you. Bring up all kinds of stuff.”

“That’s okay.”

Sam tried to quell his anger so that he wouldn’t frighten Gabriel. “No, it’s not. Not after all your hard work.”

Gabriel snorted. “I think you mean your hard work.”

“Give yourself some credit, Gabe.”

“You give yourself some credit! Man, are you difficult to work with! Look, you told me about the knife thing Lucifer did, and do I seem upset to you? Do I seem like I’m freaked out?”

Sam studied him. Then he said, “No. You don’t. I’m glad.”

“Great. Okay, your turn. Ask me if I think you seem upset.”

Sam gripped the bar of the fence until his knuckles turned white. “Okay - fine. I’m not gonna disagree with you.” A pause. “Look, I know what I went through. I understand what you’re trying to tell me, all right? But I’ll get over it. I’ve been dealing with this for long enough that I know what to do when things get bad. I don’t want to bring anyone else into it.”

“I hear what you’re saying about me and your brother,” Gabriel admitted, “But why won’t you talk to Cas? He’ll be fine.”

“He doesn’t know how to address this kind of thing. Can you imagine how that would go down?”

“What are you - ” Gabriel stared at him. “Do you even know him at all? Of course he’d know what to say! You’ve been the Three Musketeers for how many years now? And you think he’s not tuned in enough to help?”

Sam remembered how Castiel had looked at him back in the cemetery, brow furrowed in concern, and felt a twinge of guilt for misjudging him. “No, you’re right. That was a dumb thing to say.” 

“Sam.” Gabriel somehow managed to sound simultaneously gentle and stern. “You don’t look okay. You really don’t.”

“Well I’m covered in graveyard dirt, so I’d have to agree with you there.”

“You’re pale. Sick. Shaky. Here, look - ” He picked up one of Sam’s hands to demonstrate that it was trembling.

Humiliated, Sam pulled away. “Don’t do that.”

But Gabriel seized his hand again and glared, no longer desperate but suddenly determined. “Listen up, you obdurate son of a bitch. I really, really don’t want to see you hurting. You always talked about how hard it was for you to watch me, remember? That’s what this is like! We’ve spent too much time together for me to play along and pretend you’re okay. I want to help. So please. Just let me.”

Sam paused, meeting his eyes.

Gabriel looked so much more like himself these days.

Sam took a deep breath. “I just don’t - ” He looked around, examining every part of the unfamiliar setting, hoping to distract himself from the tightness in his throat. “I - ”

Gabriel waited, still gripping his hand. When Sam didn’t continue, his voice softened. “There’s no one around, Sam. Just me.”

Sam looked at him, face flushed and eyes bright.

“It’s okay,” Gabriel went on. “Stop it. You’re hurting yourself.”

Sam turned his face away and squeezed his eyes shut. Now the prickling of the cuts was gone, replaced by the brininess of tears.

Damn it. After everything he’d been through with Gabriel - trying to bring him back to life, to coax him into something like what he had once been, to make the present feel stronger than the past - it was cruel of him to make Gabriel watch this.

Sam managed to compose himself enough to speak. “You know that feeling? The feeling that … that you can’t get out? That it’s happening right now and no one can help?”

Gabriel clutched his hand tighter. “Of course I do. But it’ll go away.”

Sam used his free hand to cover his mouth as the pressure against his chest became too solid to choke down.

“It will,” Gabriel insisted. “I’ll ride it out with you.”

Sam shook his head, clenching his eyes shut again, horribly ashamed. He lowered his hand. “It doesn't go away. It just - just gets worse before going down to where it usually is.”

Reminding himself that it wouldn’t get better - that it wouldn’t leave him alone - wrenched his control away.

He leaned up against the fence, trying to hide his face, trying to breathe.

“All right.” Gabriel put a hand on his back. “Just let it go back down to normal. Just wait for a few minutes. It’s gonna be okay.”

“No, it’s - that’s not what it feels like. Oh god - ” Sam shuddered, although there was no breeze this time. “You remember, don’t you? You know how bad it is. But you - you always talked about how you could tell the difference, how you knew your mind was playing tricks on you. Sometimes I just ... I don’t know where I really am, or who’s really with me. It’s - ” He released another harsh, desperate sob. “It’s too real.”

“Yeah, I knew how to separate one from the other. But only because I know how tricks work. They’re meant to feel real. And hey, so what if you can’t figure out what’s there and what’s not? Huh? Doesn’t change the fact that you’re gonna be fine.”

Nearly gagging from the effort of trying to maintain some semblance of dignity, Sam rasped, “Why did you make me do this? Why’d you want to make it stronger?”

“I didn’t!” Abruptly, Gabriel let go of his hand and took a step back. “I meant to make it easier!”

“I know - but -” He lowered his head, watching the sidewalk swim in a rough gray blur underneath him. “I told you not to.”

“Didn’t I always tell you the same thing?”

“No!” Sam jerked his head up despite feeling disgusted with himself. “I mean, yes, sometimes. But once in a while you … you looked for me. And you should have; I told you you could. But this is different, I ... I just wanted to be left alone.”

Gabriel looked helpless again. “You’re always alone. Because you don’t care about yourself enough to ask for what you need.” He hesitated.” You’re not scared of being touched, right? Not the way that I was?”

Am, Sam corrected silently. Aloud, he said, “Not usually. Not anymore. I - ”

Delicately, in case Sam wasn’t telling the full truth, Gabriel leaned forward and embraced him. Not the way Sam had done for him in moments of terror - Gabriel was so small that there couldn’t have been the same warmth and protection he got when Sam hugged him.

But Sam could tell he tried.

“I don’t care if you can’t tell what’s real,” Gabriel muttered. “You hold yourself together too well.”

“I really don’t.” Tentatively, Sam wrapped either arm around Gabriel’s shoulders.

“Come on. Your standards can’t be that high after a year of putting up with me.” Gabriel squeezed more tightly.

Sam was surprised - not so much by Gabriel’s outburst of affection but by his own reaction to it. He relaxed slightly, began to shiver a little less forcefully.

“That’s it,” Gabriel murmured. “You’re gonna be okay.”

They stood like that for several minutes, until Dean called to make sure everything was okay.

It wasn’t.

But gradually the wail of seagulls grew louder than the roar of hellfire.

...

Please do come say hi on Archive of Our Own. Thanks for reading!

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sagittariusboyfriend · 5 years

Note

What have been some creepy encounters you've experienced? Story please?

ive waited quite some time to respond to this message, like literally a long ass time lol, probably more than a year, sorry. i feel like i have several encounters to tell you about, but what im going to relay to whomever might be reading this right now is a thing that went on over the course of an entire year.

quick backstory: during the better part of 2017 i lived with my then boyfriend (who now is just my best friend since we broke up in october this year) in the old parts of the city center. all buildings in that area are from around 1870, and the building where we lived is one of the first ones to have been erected. his aparment was on ground level and it has all the features of turn of the century housing with the fireplace, original floors, weird nooks and crannies etc, and looks as if it was meant to be lived in by service people/kitchen personnel. it also had its original door (i suppose) with the kind of springy locking mechanism where you have to turn the key and pull down the handle real hard simultaneously to open from the outside, the knob is very tough to turn from the inside, and it locks itself instantly once you close it (so if you forget your keys youre basically screwed). it makes a loud brassy springy clicking noise when the lock shuts or opens. takes a lot of effort to open this old door and its loud, is what im saying. the entire apartment is all original details, the flooring in the corridor has its original wood planks, original ventilation, weird but beautiful glass panels on the door etc.

the key and the door unlocking from inside

first off, when he moved in, the landlord was missing a key in the set of four. my then boyfriend, lets call him C, didnt really think about it. he moved in, gave his dad one of the extra keys. the first weird thing that happened was when C got back from work in the afternoon maybe two weeks after moving in. in the middle of the corridor, on the floor, he sees the missing key. like smack dab in the middle of the narrow corridor leading from hallway to the bathroom, next to his boots. its too far in to have been thrown in by someone through the letter slot in the door, and could not have been dropped there by neither him nor his father since they had all of their keys. so he’s like, weird, but doesnt really think about it. he also told me that around that time he heard coughing from the corridor when inside his bedroom (it opens up to the right from the corridor once you step inside the apartment), but also waved it off since it might as well have been neighbours just outside in the hall.

next weird thing that happens is after we had started dating and i pretty much lived there with him, and this time i experienced it. i started work around noon whereas C left around 6 in the morning. so im in bed and its maybe 10 o’clock, and i wake up to that loud, springy clicking noise of the locking mechanism in the door. and im like, what is he doing home at this time? so i get up, but no one is there. the door is also juuust a little bit askew, as if someone was going outside but then decided not to, like its just shoved open enough for the lock to click open, but the door isnt opened, its still within the width of the doorframe if you get what i mean. so i look outside and the hall is empty. i should have been able to hear steps in the very echo-y stairwell (which is also old and the acoustics are fantastic because we hear everytime a neighbour passes by, and subsequently opens the building entrance door which is also a loud, heavy door), but heard neither steps, up or down the stairs in the hall, nor anyone opening the heavy entrance door, or any evidence of human activity. all is quiet. i get a bit freaked out, because that means that unless someone else had a key, our door was unlocked from inside.

i tell C when he gets back, and after this is where shit starts to ACTUALLY go down.

im going to try to remember all of this in the correct order, but i know it started in january 2017, and went on until he moved out in december.

the song in the hallway

C talks a lot in his sleep. sometimes he even sings, he speaks in english (we’re swedish) and he has been known to get up and take a shower at one in the morning while still asleep thinking hes late for work. for those who are on heavy sleeping medication, u get it. its not weird, mostly its funny, and its just because of the medication. these things go on literally every night and it was a bit hard to fall asleep to loud talking and incoherent words sometimes because he used to go to bed three-four hours earlier than me, but i managed just fine. one night we were in bed, it wasnt that late but C was asleep, i was on my phone next to him. i hear this weird melody being hummed, thinking its coming from C i take out my earplugs and check, but its coming from the fucking hallway. again, no one outside in the stairs, just someone or something humming a melody in the hallway. i remember my hair standing up all over my body and i was glad i slept closest to the wall, C shielding me from being viewed directly from the hallway. somehow i manage to fall asleep. and this part is going to sound weird and like its made up, im very aware, but having been through this crap i dont really care because i know it happened: the morning after C was off from work, and i for once woke up before he did. if i wake him up and his medication hasnt ‘wore off’ yet i guess (dont really know how that works) he’ll be disoriented and it takes a few minutes for his brain to register that hes awake and he can speak coherently. i did not poke him, i did not try to wake him up, but all of a sudden i hear him humming that same melody, very much deep asleep. that freaked me out.

the mimicking begins

another night around that time, i was up at around 2-3 am to go to the bathroom. i wiggle out of bed, out into the corridor, at the end of the corridor is the bathroom. when im done, i scurry back into the bedroom, information of value here i guess is i always sleep with my socks on so im wearing socks, aka i dont make a lot of noise when i get up. when im back in bed, looking at my phone, i hear footsteps - from the corridor. the freakiest thing is its like they are imitating the way i walked back from the bathroom, i can so CLEARLY hear sockless, BARE feet on the creaky floor of the hallway, literally stepping at the same pace i did. that was my first thought; someone is imitating my footsteps. i can hear them from behind the wall in the hallway, coming to a stop at the opening into the bedroom. like someone is standing there, watching. i get so scared i hide under the covers and press myself close to C and cant stop feeling icy shivers down my spine. i also cant stop thinking that someone or something waited for me in the kitchen, then walked behind me, mimicking me, and is now standing at the beedroom threshold, watching me. somehow i fall asleep, or i dont, i cant remember.at this point, im thinking somethings up with that hallway.

the poorly covered hole

this part isnt anything scary/supernatural really, just uncomfortable and kinda sets the tone for living in this apartment at the time: in the bedroom, C had placed a clothing rack next to the old 1900s floor-to-ceiling ventilation pipe that is plastered into the wall in the corner. literally just a wide ass pipe in the corner of the room that isnt in use anymore. behind the rack, leaning against the pipe, he had put a rarely used pink neon tube light and i decided it would look cool to try it out, but it was dusty in that little nook thing where it was so i had to clean it up a bit. while moving the clothing rack to vacuum, i realize there is a hole at least as big as my hand in the side of the pipe. i was like ??the frick is this? and i poke into it and there is just this thin paper membrane covering it. you could almost fit an entire head through there, and i can literally feel wafts of cold wind moving through it. there probably used to be an attached pipe of some sort to allow smoke from the kitchen to go up into the ventilation like a hundred years ago, but the thought that this at least 1 meter wide pipe, wide enough to fit a person, goes up through probably all apartments above us, up through the attic, ending as an open chimney in the roof, has this big hole in it is just… unsettling to me. obviously the pipe is not in use anymore, but that kind of only made it scarier. ive seen enough scary movies for that to make me feel a bit paranoid lol. i was almost expecting a hand to push through that paper when i touched it. but i covered it back up with the clothing rack and nothing really happened with that.

the mirror incident

one night, me and C were getting ready to go out. im getting ready in the hallway, because thats where the big wall-sized full figure mirrors are (of course). C comes out of the bathroom, runs past me infront of me, veering off to the left into the bedroom, wearing only underwear. i look after him in the mirror, i can see him in the bedroom, in front of his clothing rack. im fixing my hair at the time, both hands on my head. to my direct left is the front door and the space with our shoes and jackets. right in front of the door, for a split moment while im turning back to keep looking at myself in the mirror, i see what looks exactly like C but paler, wearing only underwear, standing in the same position as me, turned away from me as if the thing is also looking in a mirror. heads on its head like its fixing its hair, just like me. imitating me. i get shivers just typing this down. i tell C what i just saw, i literally went: ”uh C? i just saw a man infront of the door”, dumbfounded, and we both got a bit freaked out, and got out of there pretty quickly.

learning about demons

a few weeks later, C invites his friend to comes to visit. im not there at that time so i never met her, but she apparently had a knack for sensing ghosts and picking up on energies etc. he told me that when he got up to get them more wine from the kitchen and left her alone in the couch in the bedroom, she said she really felt very uncomfortable sitting with her back to the hallway corridor. she also told him that ghosts and spirits are usually not malevolent and you can get by fine living in a ‘haunted’ house. but when he told her what we had experienced so far, she told him that ghosts usually dont behave that way, and that a rule is that if something is imitating or mimicking you, its probably not a ghost, but might be signs of fucking DEMONIC ACTIVITY. apparently demons like to mock and impersonate people. friendly caspers dont do that. fun.

realizing the triangle/cursed ground

so, yeah. weird things kept happening. but we had jobs, sometimes you just gotta ignore that shit and try not to live your life terrified of demons. which we still were for the record; i dont think we ever left each other alone in that apartment for any longer than necessary after that, i remember C actually staying at his dads during the time i went away to see my family.

anyway, when we had started dating C had introduced this podcast to me. its a swedish one where a guy called jack reads creepypastas, analyzes spooky stuff, old folklore, all that stuff, and also reads original content and real stories written by listeners. its really good and really creepy. so that podcast had been going for maybe two years by then so i had a LOT to catch up with, wich wasnt a bad thing at all. i remember by this time is was summer and i was out on the street smoking a cigarette after doing dishes, and the episode i was listening to was about the last of the execution spots/gallow hills (?? i guess is the correct term? not sure) in sweden. remember, we lived in the old part of the city center, in the northern part of the city. very old buildings, very old everything. so jack commences to talk about the famous last gallow hill in [our city] and where it was located, when the final execution took place and for what, how many people had been killed there and its entire bloody history. i almost drop my cigarette, because he says it was located on zenithgatan (”zenith street”), and where the gallows used to be there is now a kindergarten. so im on our street, just outside our kitchen windows, looking right at that specific kindergarten. just across the main road. i will provide a screenshot of a map and a street view of what i was looking at to let you know i am not making this up:

so the street we lived on is called döbelnsgatan (”döbeln street”, döbeln is apparently a city in germany, i just googled that), at the very end of the street, our citys main old cemetary is juuust beyond our line of sight to the right from the kitchen windows and where i was standing. however, across from us: zenithgatan, with all of its bloody history. i couldnt help but to wonder how far the blood could had flown from there and where the bodies had been thrown, if this entire part of town is built on bloody ground etc. it really gave me massive creeps.

a few years later (which would be a few months ago, when i moved in to the room where i live presently) i happened to land a conversation about ghosts with my new flatmate. turns out she also used to live in those neighbourhoods, in an apartment on the third floor literally overlooking the cemetary, but on celciusgatan, which would be the next street over from döbelnsgatan (see map). and she told me, without me having said anything at all about all of this, that that part of town including her apartment has always been haunted. she used to see a shadow of a man through frosted glass doors, moving around in rooms that were closed when both she and her son and her sister were in the kitchen. she didnt experience any malice however, and also had someone come check it out for her, but apparently she just had nice ghosts. but we agreed that yeah, these buildings are literallty inbetween a cemetary and the gallows; there are probably bound to be a lot of lost souls wandering around.

this could also be over-analyzing it, but if you draw lines from the cemetary to the site of the executions to döbelnsgatan/celciusgatan, it makes a perfect triangle. while googling the translation of ‘döbeln’ just now it says right in the wikipedia description that it is located ‘somewhat in the middle of a triangle, made up by three cities’. coincidence, perhaps. probably. but still. by now im pretty conviced of anything that could hold any significance about all of this.

the painting

later on, maybe by a few months, and C tells me when i get home from work that he had woken up that day, after i went to work, from the painting atop of his big secretaire/chiffonier/bookcase (its really a big piece of heavy furtinure, but lets call it bookcase just to be simple) coming crashing down behind it. that painting had stood there since january, at least 9-10 months, and had not fallen down ONCE. it was leaning against the wall, perched safely and steady on the bookcase, with at least a centimeter bookcase until the gap between wall and furniture. i remember thinking last time i looked it was covered in dust because no one even as much as dusted that thing off, and there had been no weird vibrations in the walls that would have shook it either. by this point we’re both very, very uncomfortable in this apartment.

the painting and the hollow in the wall

and here comes the final thing that happened before he moved out, the part that we have on film. ill have to ask my ex for the footage if anyones interested in it, which is fine.

C was doing a collaboration with some people on instagram, an educational account about depression, self-harm, anxiety and such. they gave him the assignment to film himself talking about personal experiences, i think they wanted maybe 13 videos or something like that, the theme being ‘death’ (those videos are still up, im unsure if they posted this one as it kind of strayed from the mental health stuff a bit, but i know C has it still). so at this time - maybe september or october? i really dont know exactly when this was, i could probably scroll on their instagram account but im too lazy - he was filming himself a lot. so, he brought up the painting crashing, and filmed us both while demonstrating how it physically could not have moved and crashed down behind the bookcase because of the way it stood on top of it. it would have been one thing if it fell forward, but then it would have landed on its front and fallen in front of the bookcase, probably shattered the glass. but it fell BEHIND it. on camera, you can see my hands pushing on it to demonstrate the way it went down into that snug space inbetween. you would have had to physically push on it, at least a centimeter back, from the front. so for some reason, i get the very random idea to knock on the wall behind it. which means, i stand in the corridor and knock on the corridor wall that divides the bedroom from the hallway. and i swear to god, this is ON FILM. i knock all over the wall and its all concrete - except for THE SPOT EXACTLY BEHIND THE FUCKING PAINTING. the wall is hollow. right behind the painting. where it stood leaned against on the other side. i cant explain why i all of a sudden tried knocking all over the wall, or why the actual fuck there is a hollow square in the middle of the corridor wall, but that really fucked us up. there were just too many weird coincidences, you know.

like, all of this happened, or seemed to be centered around, the corridor. as if our hallway was some nexus for supernatural activity. and with that hollow thing, it was like it was starting to make its way into the bedroom, you know? unsettling.

thankfully, C moved out of there in december and we didnt have to stay there anymore, but i sometimes pass by and think about asking the current tenant or the neighbours if they experienced anything strange. its just so eerie. the mimicking parts were the scariest to me, and i get chills thinking about them and reading it even now.

so, thats my long, long overdue creepy encounter. i am VERY aware i sound insane but, hey. what can i do. i am not one for lying and i know that so thats all that matters tbh. i have other encounters as well, but living in that apartment takes the fucking cake.

#creepy #creepypasta #creepypodden #haunting #jesus what do i even tag this with #horror story #also sorry im too tired to double check my english so there are probably some errors in there

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gothic-gnosis · 2 years

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i started my first class today

and its honestly going pretty well. i'm taking a modern psychology class and i feel like its really going to benefit me. its a lot of journaling and responding to other students but i'm really excited to be able to learn shit online rather than in person. i've learned that in person classes are awful for somebody with anxiety. i like moving at my own speed. i was a little freaked out at first and im hoping my professor doesnt scare me away from class taking because her grading could fuck me up.

i texted david again today. he hasnt responded. i miss him a lot. i hate bpd. i hate not being able to let go. he really clearly doesn't want me to talk to him anymore, but i just can't fucking stop. i'm hoping i can use my class as an excuse to get a therapist. id really like one so i can get over david and finally move on.

my first journaling assignment is asking me to reflect on changing when others around me won't change and my first thought goes to judas. i don't miss him. i don't hate him. i feel indifferent. its very strange considering i spent three years with him and i don't really have much to get over. i'm more hurt that i allowed myself to be hurt. i thought getting over abuse was something im good at, or leaving abusive situations. i'm very good at cutting people off until theyre my favorite person, like david is. he can ghost me forever and i'd still be waiting because thats just the bpd curse. i waited almost 8 months for e. he never came back or responded once. it feels pretty bad but i think i can take giving up an fp. it just takes time and its so humiliating. i hate the shame associated with bpd but its just something i have to deal with.

anyways but. when im changing and people around me either don't want to or i beg them to, i just leave now. i left judas because he refused to change. he refused to do anything except stream and outwardly pay attention to other girls. i don't care anymore about other girls but don't fucking lie about it and don't talk to them behind my back and proceed to lie about it. don't hurt me and then blame it on me. i needed something new. i needed to stop feeling guilty for things i did when i was 17, im almost 21 now. i'd never been properly in love before, i'd never been in an adult relationship BECAUSE I WAS A FUCKING HIGHSCHOOLER. i feel a lot of guilt telling david and most likely driving him away because of it. i feel like i almost had a new fp but i showed him all of the ugly parts before i could show him anything good and thats the worst part. i always do that. i always show the worst parts of myself. i showed them too fast, and even so, he told me stuff about himself that i dont really think he tells anybody else, maybe thats what made him go away. i don't know. i think about it a lot, almost constantly, only being let off to sleep. i miss my weed. i dream of judas and i in highschool, i dream about running at him in the hallways. i dream of being touched. i have nightmares about him leaving, i have nightmares about him talking to other girls. i have nightmares of judas talking at me but not to me. its was never to me, it was never just me. it always included everybody else, i wanted to feel loved but i didnt feel anything besides alone.

sorry. - January 25 2022

#bpd diary #bpd #bpd vent

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diaryofsecrecy · 3 years

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It has been the most exhausting year of my entire life and I will be surprised if I ever top it...

Brent was having a hard time adjusting to the altitude when we 1st came out here, (July 8th 2020) But as time went on he got better as expected. Then suddenly he got worse and worse, Eventually he lost the job that he got because he was calling out so often throwing up and experiencing extreme nausea. Because of covid, the doctors were booked for weeks (new patient) so it was just kind of a waiting game until we finally decided to just go to the ER. They did a full blood panel and decided that he needs to see a GI doctor because everything else is normal. So, That was booked 2 weeks out and he was sent home with nausea medication for one week...

Of course we were going to try to buy or rent so I was freaking out about money and working as much as I possibly could... But then I too had to go to the emergency Room because I had extreme abdominal pain resulting in an emergency appendectomy😖

The day after my surgery, I am home, when my dad comes in with my older sister.

To my knowledge, my older sister was diagnosed paranoid schizofrantic. She has been Homeless for the last 11 years, And on drugs. She recently was beaten so badly that she was left with several brain injuries on top of it all, And while she was healing at the hospital somehow they didn't notice her walk out. We were just about to get her placed somewhere safe...And they lost her.

Anyhow dad walks in with my sister who I guess called him from a coffee shop when they told her that she couldn't sleep there anymore (after a month of being missing again) Dad had to go back to work so then it was me & her for the next 2 days, As you can imagine, not the rest I needed post surgery... then, I had to go back into the hospital because something wasn't right. I was there for 3 more days, 2 days alone because ben was so sick that it was worse with him being there than me sitting by myself in pain and nausea of my own.

Fast forward a few more months, tragic accidents led to 2 separate deaths of my parents dogs. Both events I happen to be present, so get blamed & am no longer welcome at mom & dads.

(Still healing from sugury, brent still very sick)

We get an apartment, and I start working as a nanny for my aunt twice a week while working at Massage Envy the other 5 days.

At this point, I am tired. I am horney, and lonely, and Absolutely. Fucking. Miserable.

I am begging ben to keep up with drs. but he has lost hope of getting better, and I have no way of helping him when I am already worn too thin.

After 9, Long, long months, he eventually, with my consistent pushing, nagging, most likely not always kind remarks, he finds out his hormones are completely off, which I knew would be the case, his dick hadnt worked for the last 3 years properly..

Anyway. He blames his addiction medication rather than continuing dr. Appointments... he gets on testosterone with an outside company(pay out of pocket kind of subscription company...rather than checking insurance, or figuring out what causes low testosterone and fixing that first). I was working and had no influence in any of those choices that effect us both as they have for at least 2 years. He hasnt touched me for so, so, long.

Month 3 of his medication that seems to be working (only reason I know is there was a ton of porn in my google history, he had declined all advances, except the rare, 3 times he allowed a blowjob then left immediately after for the gym or literally anything else rather than make it romantic at all.)

Month 4, he forgets to make a payment at all, so now we owe $250 rather than the normal $100. His meds get sent, then FedEx loses the package all together so, he is sick and I am house sitting in a dream home, alone for 2 weeks straight that originally was going to be our getaway to focus on Us.

At this point, brent and I havnt slept in the same bed for 2 months. At first cause he says I'm mean and he wants to not be near me, but now its cause hes "more comfortable out in the living room..."

A month ago when we last had a conversation about our relationship he said he wants space and a break from me all together. I'm too much.

I am the problem..?

When trying to understand what he means, he shuts down the connvo, saying he cant talk about it anymore. It's been 30 days since we have made any verbal progress. Our fighting has stopped though, and I'll tell you why...

Rewind 1 week before house sitting;

1 week after brent and I had an awful fight where he told me we should take a break, I stay at my parents & My mom offers for me to join them at a graduation party of a kid I used to babysit.

We were sitting in the back of the dining room, out of the way, when I saw someone i slightly recognized in the hallway. Not sure from where, but he was the kind of guy that you couldnt stop looking at. He was clearly into fitness, his shirt couldnt hide the muscular features he had been perfecting either, despite him dressing nothing out of the ordinary. He had beautiful ink crawling up his leg, an artform that would only mean something to someone who is more spiritually awake. But more noticable about anything was that smile.

God that smile. His face was scruffy, as if he had been away, but regardless, the smile he had influenced his entire ora. His eyes smiled, his walk... smiled. He had some kind of thing about him that was a physical draw I had never known for myself before. Dont get me wrong, i have been woo'd by many men so far in my life, from all stages in life, but This one was just, different. He was making his way around the room, & I could hear his voice over my mom who's talking beside me. I had literally been blocked out by my ever wondering thoughts of this random stranger whom felt familiar.

Then, he was there, at our table?

He was so easy to talk to, not even sure how we started now, but all I know is I was not nervous despite my very physical attraction to him.

He spoke of traveling, and adventures hes been on. This guy had a whole other life in the military at one point and now was traveling, working for a company that sends him around the US.

This guy had Hope's and dreams and somehow we got to talking about that kind of thing at a graduation party?

When I left that day, I thought about him. Not just him specifically, but men like him. Had I chosen Brent wrongfully? Does brent even like who I am anymore, what does he want going forward in his own life? How do I even fit into that? He understands my need for adventure but his actions say that he doesnt want to come along. My mind was loopy after that because for the first real time I questioned, what if there was someone who wanted to see the world, Who liked my sad music, and my emotions being in everything I do? What if there was a women more interested in the simple home life, having a couple dogs and living a small, comfortable life? Are we doing one another a disservice by occupying oneanother's lives? How could I ever bring that up with Brent at all without making him feel so inadiquite after a year of terrible sickness and defeat?

Well, when I went to that big, gorgeous dream home the following week to house sit for 2 weeks... begging him to come see me, I grew weak from overthinking. I cried, I cried so much the first 3 days.

I cried from a place of such sadness, anger, bitterness, defeat, they were so strong. My mind was cloudy, drunk, stoned, tired.... I found myself writing a suicide letter.

My plan was to disappear, I knew I'd find a firearm in the home & allow someone to find my remains eventually in the hills where I'd walk far enough.

I prepared by cleaning the litterbox, laying out several bowls of water for the dog and cat, and watered all the plants heavily. I transfered brent all the money in my bank accounts, and as I waited for the sheets to come out of the dryer I balled my eyes out, reading the last conversations I had had with my family members. I thought to myself how the kids would take it, what different life choices they would make having been close with someone before their passing. At this point, I needed something, but I needed it from someone who doesnt know me in my life right now, but the me that was worth saving. The me I still recognized.

I called an old friend from 2nd grade. Hadnt talked to her in years and years, didnt known her life, her schedual, her name(which had been changed). But she talked me down. She saved my fucking life. It took a person who knew my soul years ago, to remind me I am not alone.

I dont blame my parents, or who I thought would be my future husband. I had talked with my aunt earlier that day and she couldnt see it either. I had become this fake shell of a person and it took considering an actual murder of myself to make me see that if I continued this path, I would die eventually and nobody in my life would ever see me preparing for it.

That night, I invited a complete stranger over and we fucked like rabbits. 4 times. He got to do things he'd never done before, and I begged him to. Sounds cold, sounds unapologetically disgusting that I'd do something like that, but quite frankly, I FUCKING needed it. I needed someone to see me, even if he didnt see my current life nor care about me as a person... he saw, touched, kissed, sucked and ate me up. For the first time in at least 2 years, i felt satisfaction when I walked him to the door and watched his car drive away.

It was like a sigh of relief, an inch I could not reach for the longest time, gone. Finally.

The following days, brent began putting in more effort. It has been 3 weeks and I'd say he has been kinder to me than he had in a while (probably the lack of testosterone) but also, I havnt seen much of him in general. From his point of view, it is all fine. Hes getting the space he needed, I'm being nicer since I quit massage Envy, and things are looking up....

But that is because he doesnt See Me.

My suisidal thoughts subsided after my long conversation with Scout. & that night I called my cousin as well, and learned he too had been in my shoes before. He said something that stuck with me.

If everyone has an expiration date on their life already, and we don't know when it is, you're to the point that you're life is so invaluable that youd kill yourself than flee your life and make one you want. Dont care about the people youd hurt, because suicide is just as careless as abandoning them all indefinitely.

He was so right, it put things into perspective, gave me a freedom I felt I was waiting to gain permission for.

Five days later, I noticed He had written me 5 before, on the day I had truly planned to end my current life..

He had written me at 12am, what would someone like him, a gorgeous, beefed out, big thinker, high energy, go getter be doing messaging me, a tired women who was 300lbs a year ago, (still working on getting to a normal size) and completely at a crossroads with existance.

I entertained the connvo a tad, and honestly forgot about it for a few days as I figured no way he could be serious.

He triple messaged me, and asked for my personal contact info to have real conversation?

Hesitantly, and wildly excited to even just flirt for a moment with someone who is literally everything I fantasize when I'm alone everynight....

Our conversation immediately took off. In directions I hadnt expected at all what so ever. He told me he had to admit he felt drawn to me, like he had known me in another life. That he doesnt expect me to get it, but I did. We talked about things that only my sister and I can relate to on a spirituality standard and it changed me in that instant. Suddenly i realize, I wasn't broken, I was just misunderstood. & that there are people in this world that See Me even when I am not trying. Not many, and it takes a specific Kind of person, but they do exist and when you meet them, you cant ignore it. It is as if they stain you with remembrance.

As the sexually hungry humans we are, not only did we find that morality, values, future goals coexist, but also our importance of intimacy. Not just lust and sex, well, yes that too, uff did those conversations get so, fucking, hot, but the interactions of intimacy and how they make a person whole.

I opened up to him about Brent, and where I am at in life, asking he please oversee my unfaithfulness, but that I am loyal at heart. He says with such pain in his voice how he too in a parallel position simultaneously, however, he married her 7 years ago.

Ugh.

So now I get to choose. Do I chose mortality, say no, brent and the other women deserve to understand the severity of sex, love and passion, and if they chose not to then we will leave before we act on our mutual attraction....? Or, do we say hell with it and give in to serendipity moments that our hearts crave so badly, take on the consequences and move forward. Sigh. If only there was a guideline for complicated.

Last night, as the 5 nights before, we talked for hours on the phone. His voice makes me smile every, damn, time. Perhaps because it's new and exciting, or maybe I just love to hear him go on his tangents of loving yourself despite the bad in life. I Want him. I want him when I wake, &when I go to sleep. I do not want a life without him& it saddens me to know our timing is incorrect. He asked her for a divorce a year ago, but has sat comfortably as I have despite the horror because weve both been too busy, too tired, too... afraid that life will always be lonely. Last night, he said to me, Elise, I love you. I avoided it several times but when he said it two more times, I couldnt keep it any longer to myself, Jackson, I really do Love you as well. It's scary, and faster than I'd ever say it to anyone. But I know it to be true because I Feel it. I want his love so badly. I want him to live life along side of me because with a person like him, I'd be a better me.

I am absolutely terrified. My life, my home, my family, dogs, my 5 year relationship, the unborn children brent and I have named, and the houses we'd have... all gone?

Running away with a man who says hes going to leave his wife is absolutely stupid. I'd be an idiot to think I am enough to get him through that fear of change, yet he gives me strength to want to try, so maybe I do, Him?

Ugh my brain being pulled in many ways. My heart having been in pieces so many times now doesnt know who to go to or why. I know for certain I love Brent, is this a self gratifying moment To push me back to him? Is this the devil bringing two lost people together to ruin four people at once?or is this Fate. Fate that has seen both of us individually loosing ourselves in a life we didnt want and has brought us together to lean on one another, temporarily not?

Suppose time will tell.

Last two days he has been working a ton, and told me that tomorrow he has something he needs to talk to me about.

I assume it isnt good. I assume it is the first put off of many, because, I know I want to do the same. Part of me says I should block him right now, because lust, and attraction, both mentally and physically like that couldnt make a women addicted and that's a no good addiction when he has a women in his house with his last name. 😔

#latenite #life #struggle #deep thinking #bad choices #misunderstood #deardiary #confessions

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artvmvs · 6 years

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Ena mexri 100. Dhladh ola :)

damn y u do this

(btw they kinda got mixed up bc i am dumb sorrry)

The meaning behind my url: idk. just stardust but star is in greek. idek.

A picture of me: im useless and idk how to put the picture on this place specifically, ask me separately if you do want one

How many tattoos i have and what they are: im a minor so none yet, but I’d like some in the future!

Last time i cried and why: ..no idea. Probably an arguement but I don’t remember, I’m more of a silent suffering kinda gal

Piercings i have: I am currently stretching my ears and I want a helix or an industrial, ik i don’t have many but I think they’re really cool

Favorite band: don’t make me choose

Biggest turn offs: dunno. does this mean generally pet peeves or nah,,

Biggest turn ons: uhm i am a child!!! neck bites tho we’re not diving deeper

Age: 16

Ideas of a perfect date: something chill and not formal like maybe exploring the city or watching movies together at home or cinema idk, something exciting

Life goal: bold of you to assume i have any goals for the future

Piercings i want: as i said, right now helix or industrial

Relationship status: single :))

Favorite movie: i currently like heathers and the imitation game but i really gotta watch new stuff I just never get around to it

A fact about my life: i didn’t think I would live to 2018, or at least whole (due to an unfortunate series of events) , but here i am binch y’all have to tolerate me now!! sucks to be you

Phobia: fish and insects freak me out because they’re tiny n I don’t want them near me bc they are fast little shits and also I could literally touch them and they’d die and it freaks me out. or at least that’s what i use to justify me acting like a little bitch

Middle name: dont have one

Height: 165cm or as the ‘muricans like to call it 5'4 i think

Are you a virgin?: yes

What’s your shoe size?: um?? in greece we use different sizing i think? so in greece im a 37 but i looked it up and im a 6.5 in us and a 4.5 in the uk im VERY confused but basically smol

What’s your sexual orientation? i currently identify as a lesbian

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs? i,,have,,,, drank beer once,,

Someone you miss: @221b-unicornstreet and people i cant tag

What’s one thing you regret?: not defending myself enough,,? I certainly have done many regrettable things but they’ve already happened now.. so

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: uhm BRYAN DECHART bitch i know im a lesbian but let me have this bc he is actually attractive and this is what came to mind rn so shut

Favorite ice cream?: i like vanilla flavour dONT make that joke

One insecurity: nose. spine.

What my last text message says: ‘’because it can mean either’’ im very interesting

Have you ever taken a picture naked? nope

Have you ever painted your room? i want to

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? nYES

Have you ever slept naked? i think? in my?? underwear?? but not completely

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror? i,,yes

Have you ever had a crush? kinda

Have you ever been dumped? yes

Have you ever stole money from a friend? no???

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met? i dont think so

Have you ever been in a fist fight? nope im weak LMAO you’d probably kill me by pushing me tbh

Have you ever snuck out of your house? i’ve snuck into a house when i was six, i know im very cool.

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? yeah

Have you ever been arrested? nope

Have you ever made out with a stranger? IVE NEVER MADE OUT WITH ANYONE DONT

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? met?? up?? a date?? kinda ,, (regrets)

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents? idrk

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor? nah fam

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun? if by more fun you mean cry myself directly back to sleep then yes, every week from grade 4-7 but now i dont have the ability to miss school for so many days,, still do tho, but less frequently

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? yes

Have you ever seen someone die? no

Have you ever been on a plane? yup

Have you ever kissed a picture?,, i mean i was made to kiss pictures in church thanks mom!!

Have you ever slept in until 3? i do that every day in summer

Have you ever love someone or miss someone right now? i do miss someone now as ive said

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yeah

Have you ever made a snow angel? yess

Have you ever played dress up? i think

Have you ever cheated while playing a game? probably when i was younger

Have you ever been lonely? hasnt everyone at some point tbh? but not a frequent occurrence, at all

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school? yes, from exhaustion

Have you ever been to a club? …unfortunately, 0/10 would NEVER do it again

Have you ever felt an earthquake? yeah, i live in greece dude of course i have

Have you ever touched a snake? not really… which is sad

Have you ever ran a red light? i dont drive

Have you ever been suspended from school? nope

Have you ever had detention? i was made to sit in a corner once dgkdhfkg we don’t have detentions

Have you ever been in a car accident? no

Have you ever hated the way you look? always fam

Have you ever witnessed a crime? no i dont think

Have you ever pole danced? HH NO

Have you ever been lost? sorta

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country? if you count athens then yeah, if you count the islands which i dont see why you wouldnt then no

Have you ever felt like dying? i’ve felt like i was dying and i’ve felt like i wanted to die both buddy

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? i guess uwu

Have you ever sang karaoke? hell NO

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? probably a bunch of times and on a daily basis, i live to disappoint

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? yES

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger? no?

Have you ever kissed in the rain? nope

Have you ever sang in the shower? always

Have you ever made out in a park? nope

Have you ever dream that you married someone? i think i have

Have you ever glued your hand to something? nope

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? ,,no

Have you ever ever gone to school partially naked? ,,nO

Have you ever been a cheerleader? nope

Have you ever sat on a roof top? yesh

Have you ever brush your teeth? ,,, YES??

Have you ever ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? SCARY MOVIES SCARE THE LIVING DAYLIGHT OUT OF ME AND I KNOW ITS STUPID DONT BULLY ME

Have you ever played chicken? no

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? i’ve been pushed into the ocean with all my clothes on and some money too

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger? on tumblr where the magic happens yes because yall havent seen my face

Have you ever broken a bone? no

Have you ever been easily amused? on the not so frequent occasion i get in that mood i laugh at absolutely everything

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? yyess love that

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone? n o

Have you ever cheated on a test? yup yuup

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name? always

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real? what does that mean

Give us one thing about you that no one knows. i cried when i realised im gay because i thought i want going to hell (im an atheist now)

Top 5 (insert subject): top 5 what anon

Tattoos i want: havent really settled on anything but i’ll design it myself so…

#ask

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surprisebitch · 7 years

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lmao okay so there’s this thirsty guy on instagram.. he like started messaging in like october 2015. and he was really fit. he’s 23 too and like really muscular and really tall.. and at that time, i searched by image on google and he is a real person. he also has pics of him with his face and body and it’s legit.

and TBH his first message was like “hey cutie” with a dick pic and IT WAS MASSIVE. i dont even know how he found me cause he says he’s not on tumblr and the picture he linked when he messaged was an untagged pic.. but he doesnt remember but he found me there. and then i asked him if where is he from and LMAO he lives in London and it’s funny because he messaged like 3 months after i left London so yeah im very lucky right. cause i wouldve definitely hopped on that dick if i was still there.

but yeah he sent pics and videos so i got to see his dick in different angles and they’re all consistent so it is his dick. and there was even this one photo of his dick next to a mug and IT’S WAY BIGGER THAN THE MUG. LIKE IT’S A GIANT DICK. and then i asked him how big it is and he said it’s 11 inches. and he sent more photos of how like there was one time a bottom could only take half of it and no one was able to deepthroat it cause its so big. and im like OKAY INTERESTING... and he’s a dom top too! which is perf cause im a power bottom and i’m up for a challenge so i entertained him for a while out of boredom and ofc i send back some vids and pics of mine too cause it’s only fair. and this has been going on for like 2 years already BUT not so frequently cause he like messages twice a month or once a month. or every few months.. and tbh i only reply when i literally have nothing else to do and i leave him on “Seen” cause whats the point.. like hello.. i’m in Canada and you’re in London so?? you can grab an ass right there.. why are you messaging me lol. and this guy isnt looking for anything serious, he just wants to fuck and he obvi just messages when he’s super horny like he just sends them when it’s the evening in London or like 2am UK time or early morning

but tbh his messages are a fucking mess cause he’s into like feminising his bottoms. and tbh im not even into that.. BUT i’m the type of guy who’s always up for a challenge and i wanted to put my power bottom skills to the test and take on that 11 inch dick cause that’s like an opportunity that doesnt always happen. so i just black out everytime he uses the word “boy pussy” and the c-word and all of that. cause i mean my masculinity aint that fragile and they’re just words

so anyway, last december 2016 i went to London to visit my family. and i messaged him cause yeah i was ready! but HEY he was away for the duration of my stay cause he was up north in england : ) but yeah i got dicked down by two english jocks anyway (and even got both on video cause they were both into that thing and i dont mind expanding my collection) so it was fine but yeah obvi i would’ve loved to try that monster dick

and then when i got back here in Canada last January, he messages and says he’s home and can accommodate and i was like “i just got back in Canada” and he was upset and he sent a dick pic. and then i was like “sorry maybe next time” and yeah this guy keeps messaging like every few months now. even when i told him i wont be back in like another year. and tbh i dont even reply or just have short replies at this rate cause really whats the point

but yeah here’s when it starts getting really crazy, he messaged recently and..

it was a photo of a guy sucking his dick and yeah the bottom just had his mouth on the tip and couldnt even reach half of it. he was like “wish it was u kneeling down” and it was hot! so ofc i reacted. and since i was bored and i just asked him how he fucked him cause ya know the details might be hot. but yeah it gets messy from here..

and he talked about how the guy begged to remove the condom (cant blame him tbh.. imagine getting bred by a monster cock. that doesnt happen always) and he even sent a video (and it was hot) then he talked about how he’s gonna fuck me and its redundant now cause like he’s been saying almost the same thing he has already told me. and I literally cringe everytime he calls it a “boy pussy” im like STOP TALKING.

BUT IT GETS MESSIER NOW CAUSE HE WENT “i’ll demolish ur ass and gape u so hard until my seed is leaking from ur [redacted] and lick ur [redacted] while ur wearing my gf’s panties”

AND IM LIKE HOLD ON WHAT???? GF??!?!? YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? and i obvi just typed lowercase like i was calm but inside i was FREAKING OUT. i mean its obvi NOT in my place to pry at his relationship but yeah so i was just like “u have a gf?” and he was like “yah i hope that doesnt put u off” and IM LIKE OF COURSE IT DOES. LIKE WHATTT. so i went “aah okay why dont u break up with her then if u fuck other guys?” and he was like “cause she has amazing tits but she wont let me touch her arse.. and besides boy pussy is hot and makes me cum loads more than girl pussy” and im like in my head GOD WHY DID I EVER REPLY TO THIS DEMON and he then he was like “i still wanna fuck ur brown asian pussy” and I WAS LIKE WELL WHAT THE FUCK.... and in my head i was... and then i replied “uh okay” #CANCELLED and GODDDDDD I FEEL DEFILED and A MESS??!?! I mean i didnt know he had a gf when i messaged him BUT THE FACT HE”S THATTTYPE OF WHITE DEVIL. and i asked him if his gf knows or if its an open relationship and he said “no” and he hasnt been caught. and he even bragged about fucking his gf’s gay 18 y o cousin who was a virgin and im like what the hell is THIS WHITE DEMON WITH A MONSTER DICK LIKE WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE A LITERAL MONSTER

anyway, obvi i was turned off! he probably does have an 11-inch cock that’s like super rare but i have dignity and my manhood! and his feminising kink wasnt my thing anyway. i just stayed for the pics and videos and the possibility i’d put my skills to the test and see if i can deepthroat him BUT OBVI THAT IS CANCELLED IF HE HAS A GF. LIKE I DONT WANNA BE THE OTHER PERSON or a side piece. but yeah gosh i am just shook rn. i like unsent all the nudes i sent and vids (thank god instagram has that feature)

and he hasnt stopped messaging, but yeah i now stopped replying and will stop replying. like i know this is probably like a men dot com gay porn fantasy to get fucked by a hot “straight guy” especially WITH A giant cock but like.. this is all too much. like this demon is out here fucking dudes and even rawing them behind her back. and im not gonna get involved like it’s a fucking mess and

#a literal monster #gosh this day couldnt get any better #i swear this really happened #i dont normally share details of my life but this one had to be let out cause i would go crazy if i didnt vent it like godd!!!?!?!?#im literally stunned what the hell happened there #lemon #long post

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happys-crazy-queen22 · 7 years

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Mixed Family

Requested by @homicidalteenagedream her amazing idea. Hope you like it and I did it justice. Changed a few things. Thanks for requesting

You felt the music move your hips to the beat. You moved your hands over your body. You must have been doing some dirty dancing, out of the corner of your eye you saw a tall,tattooed man with a kutte starring at you. It was like you were the only girl in the room for him. He walked over to you, placing his hands on your hips. Leaving no space between you and this mystery man you grinding on him feeling his hard on. He whispered in your ear." You want to get out of here Little Girl". You nodded He grabbed your hand leading you to his bike. You pulled up you skirt and threw your leg over, placing your hands around his waist holding on tightly as we flew off. Going back to his place which was a dormroom at a garage. You learned his name was Happy and he was in a motorcycle club called Samcro, you new all about Samcro but didnt tell him. He pushed you on the bed as he jumped on top of you. You giggled at his eagerness . "You ready for me Girl"? He asked before pushing inside you. "God yes, fuck your big". You gasped at how big he was. "Shit Y/N, your so damn tight". He grunted "OH Fuck Daddy.. I didn't mean that". You said embarrassed. "Its cool, I like it when women call me that". He thrusted deeper "Son of a..". You came gripping on to Happy for dear life. Happy came as he rode out your orgasm. He slide off of you and pulled a cigarette out of his pants. Taking a puff and pasting it to you. You declined. "We should do this again". He got up and dressed. "Yea, I had a very good time". You laid on your side watching him "I got to go but you can stay or I can give you a ride". "Um, I'll call a cab before someone sees me". You said trying to find your clothes. He pulled you to him giving one last kiss before he left.

After that night you and Happy saw each other regularly, it was a friends with benefits thing Happy said". One day,Happy came over like he always did you felt different. You were falling hard for him. You decided not to tell him,cause he didnt feel the same. So you causally stopped coming around and not answering him. Then he just went away basically he lost interest in you.

One months later. Hey Juice, what are you doing". You walked over giving him a kiss. "Nothin Baby, just checking on things". He was typing on his computer. "Sounds good, you want anything". "I think I want you". He pulled you over on his lap "I want you to meet my family Y/N". "I would love to Juan". You kissed him "Great this afternoon theres a BBQ in the works so we are going". He said picking you up and placing you on his bike. Arriving at the club house, flash backs came racing in your head. Happy. Juice new about Happy but never said anything to anyone. He new is was over. "Hey Juice who's this lovely lady". Tig asked "This is Y/N my girlfriend". He said proudly smiling. "I thought your right hand was your girlfriend". You and Tig laughed. Juice got angry "Calm down Baby". You wrapped you arm around his. "Lets go meet everyone else". He took you to meet everyone. They were so nice to you. Gemma even started to warm up. Then you saw Happy. Happy must have saw you cause he pushed the croweater of him, she yelled at him and he slammed the club house door. "What was that all about". Gemma asked. "Umm. I kinda know Happy from another part of my life". You said nervously "Oh, so you dated Happy"? "You can say that, but no". "I see, its over between you two". "Yes, we just lost contact and then I meet Juice". "OK, that was weird". I dont know why he would act that way but we are leaving so nothing is said or done". Juice said taking you to his bike before anyone can object.

Few weeks later. "Babe you ok in there". Juice called throw the door. "Yeah, can you get the phone ". You said wipping your mouth Juice came back with your phone and you called the doctors. They said to come right in. They did tests and gave you a pregnancy test. "Juice what if." "Nothing, if you are then great ok". He said taking your hand The doctor walked in. "Your pregnant, Congradulations". "How long"? "About Two, two and a half months, maybe three". "Its kinda hard to tell right now". "Umm, is there anything I need to do"? You asked nervously "Take vitamins and get plenty of sleep, no stress and eat heathy". Juice held you for a long time. You couldnt believe it. "Juice I'm sorry". "Why, its no ones fault". "This baby was meant to be here". "Just sad it aint mine". He smiled at you cupping your face "How am I going to tell Happy"? "I can tell him if you want". "No, I have to". "I'm going to right now". You got up grabbing your purse. "Alright, if you need me Im here". He kissed you deeply

Driving to TM. Fuck you were scared. Happy is going to freak out worst than he did at the BBQ. Pulling in you saw Happy sitting on his bike. "What are you doing here"? He snarled "Can we talk in private"? "Sure". You walked behind him to his dormroom. "What do you want"? "Umm, I dont know how to say this". "Say what like how you didnt call me or come see me". How you hooked up with Juice when you were suppose to be with me". He shouted "Hap, you just wanted to be Fuck buddies thats all". "I wanted more but I was scared that you would shot me down and laugh, so I stayed away. And for Juice I am so happy with him, he makes me feel something like I never felt before". "You thought about me like that one time". "You should have just told me". "I might have felt the same". "Did you Happy, cause everytime I called you, you were busy or something came up". "But lord forbid that i had something planned when you called". "Happy I didnt come here to fight". "Then why did you". "I'm pregnant, its your". "If you dont believe me call the doctors". You gave him a piece of paper with a number on it. Happy was dumb founded. It hit him hard. "You mean that I..that your..with my kid but with Juice". "Yeah, Juice said that he will step up and help raise it if you didnt want to". You looked at a heart broken Happy "No,I'm going to be there". "I'm not doing what my dad did to me and my mom". He stood up "Can I.. you know touch it". He asked pointing to your belly "Yeah. Juice hasnt stopped since I found out". You laughed "Your really happy arent you"? "Yes, Happy I am". You put your hand on his Six months later You,Happy and Juice welcomed a 8 pound 3 oz baby boy named Ransom Gage Lowman. He was the light of your life. He was mixed with the looks of his daddy but had the heart of Juice. Some how the three of you managed to get along great. Happy was the best man at yours and Juices wedding and was there to welcome yours and Juices little girl. You have a very happy mixed family

#happy lowman #happy lowman imagine #juice ortiz #sons #happys-crazy-queen22

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filterhoshi · 7 years

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seeing monsta x at the airport in sf!

hello i really wanted to do this post!!! this day was so much fun and i met lots of people. i’m going to write this post in bullet points bc i feel more comfortable writing it this way. so .... yeah i’ll just start here?? lol this is gonna be long

so the day before, july 19th, my friends were originally going to sleep over then just head over to sfo early in the morning

we didn’t even know what time they’d be arriving so we were like ok lets just go at 5am!

they didn’t end up sleeping over so i had to pull an all nighter bc i don’t trust myself waking up

i also chose what i was gonna wear like an hour before we left bc i always do things last minute hhdfcdjh

my mom and i left my house at 5am and i was slowly getting tired so i got coffee from starbucks to keep me up

like i didnt even sleep since 2pm the day before .....

after picking up both my friends we hit the road!

there was traffic but the drive wasn’t too long and we arrived at sfo around late 7??

ive never been to the domestic terminals so it was kinda confusing

my mom dropped my friends and i off at terminal 2 and just left to go to a mcdonalds lol

my friends and i wandered around terminal 2 on the 2nd level,, we were at baggage claim and didnt really know what to do

we went up to the first level and it was like where people left to board and where people arrived?? idk how to explain it im sorry

there was a starbucks there so my friends got stuff and i didnt cos i was fine

my friend constantly checked twitter for updates and monsta x hasnt left yet

at this point it was like 9am, all three of us pulled all nighters, and we didnt see anyone else who looked like they were waiting for monsta x

we then headed to terminal 1 level 2 and chilled there for like 30 minutes maybe

monsta x still hadnt left so we looked at remaining flights and the ones they’d most likely be on were in terminal 2 so we moved there

there were seats there and outlets so i charged my phone and we all just sat

my friend went to go get her internet friends and we all just chilled in the little seating area

it was about 10am and my mom brought us food bc we did not eat at all

my 2 friends left and i was left w my friend’s friends ..... yall i dont wanna use names bUt YoU know what i Mean

there was a guy and asked us if we were waiting for monsta x and wow !! we met another fan ! so there was just a lil group of us

lololol if u guys see this .... hi

ANYWAYS

my 2 friends came back and the 6 of us went to go to the international terminals aka on the other side of the airport

we had time to kill so why not!

((before my 2 friends came back my friend’s friends figured out monsta x would be coming at 2 or 4pm and it was 12pm at the time))

there really wasnt anything to do so we just went back to terminal 2 and continued waiting

2 other girls came and waited with us and we were like a cult

we took up half of the waiting area basically!

another girl came and i ended up talking to her for a while

it was like 2pm now?? and monsta x were coming at like 4:39

3 more girls came and we were just this huge ass group,, it was nice

honestly we thought we were the only people there but we were so wrong hjdcnjdfh

my friend’s friends soon then found out monsta x were arriving earlier and they’d be coming at 4:19 so i was like yes!!! thank u god!!!

i was lowkey getting impatient

time was going by so slow i swear and im still surprised i wasnt even tired

we all decided to go up to level 1 at 4:10 and i swear i was shakin and getting hella nervous

iDK WHY BC IT WASNT LIKE I WAS GONNA TOUCH THEM OR SOMETHING

when we went up there were like 20 other people waiting for them too and i was sh00k

more people came though eventually

my ass was just shaking the whole time and trying to prepare myself

there were fansites too and it felt weird seeing them in action lol

so it was way past 4:19 and my friends and i were just like uh??? what??

the longer we waited the more nervous i got bc they could be coming out anytime soon

people walking out were so confused why there were so many people waiting and asked us who we were waiting for

a security guard was like “who are u guys waiting for? justin bieber?” hhdfcjndj

these 2 guys came out and asked us to make way so we were guessin they were w monsta x bc they waited after telling us that

SO AT 4:49 PM

THEY CAME OUT

I WAS SHAKING

sadly everyone started to crowd and i was trying to give space but it was hard to back up

i have a video and there were a lot of people getting in my way and i bumped into so much people

OK BUT shownu and kihyun came out first

and BITCH it took me a while to register that i was them like

i just stared at kihyun for 2 seconds like ??? then i was like WAIT MINUTE IT’S THEM

the crowd started moving and after shownu & kihyun it was jooheon and changkyun

FUKCING JOOHEON’S HAIR I CANT- YALL GOTTA SEE PICS LMAO IM SORRY SWEETIE

um wonho was after jooheon and changkyun but in the video i took i noticed i barely acknowledged him shcbjdcnd

IT WAS HAPPENING SO QUICK OK IM SORRY WONHO

like i deadass skipped over him and pointed my camera to minhyuk lmfaodjfcndj surprise! minhyuk is my bias!

i still got some footage of wonho tho

ughhhh minhyuk was wearing a hat and mask but i was still WHIPPED and thought he was the most beautiful person in the room bc well i mean he was

he looked pissed tho

most of them look tired or annoyed and i just kinda kept stepping back

some people were getting to close and i tried yelling out to give space but that didnt work

HHFNCJD i yelled out “YO MINHYUK IS SO BEAUTIFUL” i hope he heard

this girl in front of me got so close to him tho like u could see it in some of my pictures and the video i took

when they were going outside to the van i somehow went from the front of the crowd to the back??? idk

they all got into their van pretty quick

some people shouted their names,, in the video i took all i heard was wonho and jooheon

i shouted minhyuk though

i love him so much dont @ me

they shut the door so quick though idk why i thought it was funny hhdfnvjd

wonho waved before the door closed so .... ye

they drove off right away after they closed the door

no one touched the van or like banged on the windows so don’t worry!

once they left

MY ASS WAS CRYING AND I COULDNT BELIEVE I SAW THEM

all that happened in less than 2 minutes i was so ajhsnsjdhcn

my friends and i were just freaking the fuck out

i collapsed onto a pole bc Holy Shit yall i saw monsta x wow!!!!! WOW

my friends and some of the people waited with just got back into a small group and looked at pictures/videos we took

we went back inside and sat down to look at everything

i was still in shock bc oH MY GOD

after like 20 minutes of just looking at pictures we decided to leave and it was 5pm

so basically my friends and i waited at the airport for 8 hours without sleep to see mx for less than 2 minutes

it was so worth it lmao

my friends and i slept in the car on the way back home tho so there’s that!

well that’s how it went down when i saw them!! idk if i should post pics from the airport since it happened a few days ago but ... yea

um idk if i’ll do a post about my experience at the concert bc it might be boring since i didnt do hitouch?? maybe ill do it,, ill think about it. if i do it,, expect it to be out in a couple of hours lol.

#monsta x #I MISS THEM SO MUCH #sorry for any mistakes #i just posted right after i was done writing without reading it again #it's too long

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tumblunni · 7 years

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I had some sudden more ideas for npcs in the monster petshop game, and a bit of worldbuilding and stuff!

I was just consideringwhether maybe this should be a fantasy setting with different non-human races, or one that’s just all humans. I dunno, games with catchable monsters seem to ALWAYS be just humans, that’s weird now I think about it! I guess its so the line between sentient magical beings and the pet ones isn’t blurred, but in my petshop idea the monster pets can all talk anyway so that’s not an issue. Tho I dunno if it’ll be to the same degree as in the Monster Rancher anime where monsters are all so similar to humans that they can live their own entirely separate lives without a human partner, and like.. start shops and hold property and stuff. Seriously that worldbuilding is so surreal and cool, you get to see stuff like a giant golem running a little metalwork jewelry store in the background of a crowd scene. I wanna see the story of that guy! Tho it gets a bit confusing cos some monsters can’t talk, and some monsters seem to have more petlike intelligence, and those two things don’t often coincide. I still cry forever about that episode with the guy who abused his giant worm monster, and how with its design and how it doesnt talk you’d probably assume its a mindless evil monster but its actually just a quiet sad good guy and like.. how its full sentience level is revealed by it choosing to refuse an offer from the bad guys to join them, and dying trying to save the life of its abusive trainer. And how it actually does succeed in making him realise how wrong he was to treat it like an animal, and to treat animals like mindless toys! And how he breaks down crying and then how he cradles the lil baby worm and promises to do better this time, and then how his original worm comes back to life way WAY at the end of the series and I CRY FOREVERRRR ... Anyway, sorry, where was I before I got distracted?

OH YEAH! Fantasy races! Which really should be called species, but I guess it stuck cos they’re often used as metaphors/replacements for actual racial diversity, especially in traditional fantasy. IM GETTING DISTRACTED AGAIN!!! So yeah that thought led me to an idea for a particular fantasy “race” I could add. But then it somehow developed into... I dislike designing overly humanlike fantasy races, like seriously what is the point of even bothering if they look identical to humans except short or with weird ears? So I thought.. what if this “race” is actually a disease instead?

MORE LONG THOUGHTS BELOW THE CUT!

So, I was thinking they could look like just normal humans but with a greyish skin colour, odd coloured eyes, and some sort of flower growing on their head. They’d be like ‘flower spirits’ but in kind of a negative way? They look like humans because this is a sort of magical genetic condition that turns humans into this. Though they still get predjudice because people are afraid of ‘catching’ a disease that isn’t actually contagious through touch or anything, but people are happy being ignorant fucks and excluding them from society ‘just in case’ their paranoia comes true.

But anyway! The details! At any moment an inherited carrier could manifest symptoms, and rather literally manifest a glowing flower from their forehead. It grants you enhanced magical powers, but at the cost of your life being tied to that magic. The flower is like if your soul has been forcibly pulled outside your body in a very fragile form! You have to tend to it like a normal flower, and you also have to sorta feed it by doing enough magic or absorbing the energy from magical objects. (So these guys’s magical power is to negate other magics.) If left untreated it will eventually be fatal, and if the flower wilts it’ll also kill you even faster. If you fail to take care of it, it drains energy from your soul instead, which leads to the grey skintone and general weak health. But even if you keep the flower alive it’ll eventually grow too big and you’ll be unable to drain enough magic to keep up with its energy consumption. By the time the story begins, medical technology has actually advanced enough to find life extending treatments for this, even if we don’t have a complete cure. You can’t get rid of the flower but you can take medicines to slow it’s growth. I mean, really the problem is just that this thing outpaces its host, its a really impractical parasite! It ends up killing itself by getting too greedy! (Which makes me think probably the predjudiced slurs around these people would be like... ‘you got that disease cos of your greed/sin/etc’. Even though its just genetic.) And then I think the final breakthrough to save people from this disease wouldnt really be a perfect cure, just to regress it to a budlike inactive state. You’ll always be physically marked as a victim of this disease, and you’ll always have the ‘demonic’ magic-draining powers. And it’ll probably be a long time before people stop treating the sufferers like shit, even after this...

So umm.. yeah. Its kinda gonna be like an analogy for the horrible HORRIBLE way the AIDS outbreak was handled by the government, and how it happened because the victims were ‘undesireables’. And how in this post-outbreak world the whole thing’s practically been covered up, lessened, forgotten. And people still deny it, and still treat gay people like shit, and its taken so damn long to make all this progress and just... gahhhh... How pretty much every LGBTQ person who’s that old lost a dozen friends, how people got so desperate they used to hold ‘die-ins’- protesting by literally saying ‘leave me here on the doorstep’ when they were about to die. Make the politicians see exactly what they’ve done! And similarly the massive MASSIVE quilt full of patches commemorating everyone who died. God... And seriously just HOW LITTLE EDUCATION there is on this subject! Even amoungst modern LGBTQ communities! How eager we are to sweep things under the rug, even if its LITERALLY a rug made of dead queer folk! *sigh* umm.. sorry for the heavy subject matter there.

So yeah, this would be a ‘race’ in this setting, or rather a minority group, but in fantasy terms its a ‘race’ but.. whatever. Dumb language rules! Very small community of flower disease folks, treated like demi-humans. And this leads to a bunch of new ideas for npcs that could deliver this plotline! Of course, the main one would be an actual member of the flower disease folks.

I’m imagining her as just an absolute sweetheart shy gentle giant sort of lady. She’s introduced being this terrifying presence walking into the town, your protagonist being the only one who doesnt understand why everyone else is being all hushed whispers and closing all their shops. Since you come from a sheltered rich kid background, you’re very out of touch with common issues and had no clue this disease even exists. (Even though rich folks are the ones who had the power to help them, are the ones who refused, are the ones who spread the propeganda and then tried to cover up all their own failures...) So you’re the only one who treats this seemingly terrifying vagrant as a normal person, even though it’s (initially) just because you didn’t know the situation. Because of this, she ends up seeing you as a friend and coming back again. And then its up to the player whether you fall for all the predjudice and decide to cut all ties with her from here on, or whether you continue to stand up for her rights and try and change the way society treats her.

ANYWAY, her personality once she opens up to you would be the total opposite of her imposing appearance. She’s a chronic sufferer of self-hate issues, who’s been living completely alone in the forest for a long time, after being kicked out by her family and having no-one to turn to. I’m thinking she constantly speaks like... shy equivelant of Fuujin from FF8? One word sentences, but whispered instead of yelled. And like.. “.......ah..............s-....sorry........?” *questioning inflection of silence* “......uhhm........?” *unfurls hand hesitantly from under cloak and points at loaf of bread* *counts out coins meticulously, making sure to spread her hands and show she’s wearing gloves, she’s keeping them in a pouch, she hasn’t touched them* *places them on the very edge of the counter and backs away slowly, assuming you’re thinking the worst of her* *won’t take the bread directly from your hands, just in case* *struggling to speak again* “... th-.... ah-...... t-thank....... you.....” *mumbles her way out of the store quickly and awkwardly* This is kinda how she’s had to deal with buying supplies from EVERYONE EVERYWHERE. This tends to happen with like the one store in town that’ll take pity and throw her some food, at a greatly inflated price. She’s just had to like.. keep trying. Wear them down. If she keeps coming to a town repeatedly they’ll eventually get frustrated enough to give her what she wants.... or they’ll call the sheriff to chase her off. Either way she finally gets a yes or no answer on that place, and can tick it off on her cross country map of spots to find actual supplies. So she like.. CAN NOT function in a regular shop environment anymore. Probably the first hint that she isn’t really scary is how she’d totally freak out at you treating her normally! She’d be TERRIFIED!! There’s no way she’d actually agree to talking normally, she’d adamantly refuse to taking anything for free, seriously WHAT IS YOUR DEAL, ARE YOU A DEMON??? *sobs into the complimentary bread* It’d be a few visits before she actually opens up to you, and even then she’s very monosyllabic. She literally hasnt talked to anyone for years, she’s become so hardened to loneliness and cruel treatment that she can’t remember how to react to kind people anymore. And her voice is so hoarse both from this and from.. well.. the disease. She hasn’t even had the minimal treatment that’s available nowadays... for the rich, at least. So along with her sidequest being to help everyone understand her, you’re also searching for a doctor who’d treat her, and trying to save up the ridiculous amounts of money it would take. Its far easier if you succeed at destroying enough of the town’s ignorance, and make at least a few friendship links between her and your other sidequest pals. You can start having a town-wide fundraiser to get her the lifesaving medicine! Tho probably that leads to its own sidequest of having to track her down after she runs away, worried that she doesn’t deserve it and she’s just gonna cause more problems for her new friends. NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Anyway, the general structure of her as a customer is that she kinda accepts ANYTHING, and doesn’t have much money to do it with. She’s very lonely, and only built up the courage to come to this town on that first day because she heard about your petshop that sells to lower class citizens, and the idea of getting her own monster friend was like a ray of hope in her life! If you decide not to chase her away from the town, she settles in the nearby forest where all the stray monsters live, and becomes like the scary local cryptid. “I totally saw an eight foot tall woman feeding the crows!!! What the fuck!!!” She has a problem with sacrificing herself to protect all these wild animals, they’re just SO BEAUTIFUL and MAKE LIFE WORTH LIVING!! She’s always going hungry cos she gives all her food to them, and then they start to love her in return and she gets a veritable army of feral pals that’ll defend her from anyone who tries to burn her tent down again. So she starts off desperately trying to buy a monster from you, any monster, and then after she gets her first one she starts befriending the forest monsters with its help, and becomes your biggest customer of monster supplies instead. She wants to give all these wild babies the closest life to a normal pet as possible! But she also still will buy literally any monster from you, ever, anytime. Doesn’t matter that she already has fifty, she can always take care of more! Though you do get better results if you give her ones high in defense stats and etc, cos its tough to live out there in the forest, even if your trainer is going hungry to ensure you get the best snacks. Oh, and she’d probably be ABSOLUTELY OVER THE MOON if you could sell her a monster that also has flowers or flower patterns. (Tho i think protagonist would be worried it would be insensitive, but she actually does like them cos they make her feel less lonely) She’s also an incentive to help out with your cookery crafting skills! Cos initially she’s having trouble being able to access any of the other shops in the town, she’ll just buy whatever spare food you have lying around. Even your absolute worst failed dishes are like heaven to her! So you can get more exp from cooking and also make a profit from it, thus helping you get better at crafting fancy dishes for your sweet monster pals. (And your strange tall pal!) Oh, and it’d probably also be an element that people in the town try and ‘politely’ advise you that you shouldn’t sell to her ‘for your own safety’. Because of the flower people’s magic draining powers, there’s the very real worry that one of them could be buying monsters from your store just to drain them dry and slow down their own death. But it sucks to assume the worst of her before you even know her, and honestly even if someone was doing that it’s dishonest to frame them as evil and predatory when seriously they are only committing a crime TO SLOW DOWN THEIR OWN DEATH! I bet that would be the most terrifying depressing situation for them, having to kill a small animal cos you’re having an attack of your symptoms and you just desperately don’t want to die...

And now on to the other supporting npcs I thought could be useful to this plot!

I thought of maybe there being bakers cos... well, the first scene I thought of while planning her personality was her trying to buy a loaf of bread. SIMPLE BRAIN PATHS! WOO! But somehow these bakers ended up gaining a way bigger plot role than I intended O_O I’m imagining them as some sort of Super Duo, just cos this plot idea requires one who starts off sympathetic to flower lady and a boss that provides an obstacle in this. I’m thinking maybe the good guy baker sneaks bread out to flower lady, and their greedy boss is all like ‘no! There are laws in place! Food waste must be destroyed! No giving to the homeless!’ (THIS IS AN ACTUAL THING THAT EXISTS. Almost every major fast food company does it! You can get arrested for stealing food from the bins, or for being an employee who tries to give the food to someone, even if it’s excess food that would just be binned anyway.) But then I ended up humanizing the grumpy boss instead of having them JUST be an enemy. I started imagining this as a family business, and the grumpy boss is their grandma? And then i thought maybe that would be a good vehicle to deliver the backstory worldbuilding about this disease, and now I am REALLY SAD about this grumpy grandma! I was thinking maybe she’s actually someone who lost a lot of friends in the initial outbreak of flower syndrome, and used to protest against it, and became all bitter and depressed after what happened, which is why she’s such a cynical mess nowadays. I think maybe the plot would work better if its like.. the grandkid baker just THINKS that grandma would object to serving a flower disease customer, and then when grandma actually sees who’s been ‘stealing’ her profits, she breaks down crying. Nobody in her family even knew she was so close to the tragedy, she’s been keeping it secret cos even though she isn’t infected she could still be ostracized for being part of that community and all. I’m thinking its gonna just be a very direct analogue, I’m gonna say that LGBTQ people were demonized as the ‘cause’ of this disease back when it was poorly understood. ‘Its caused by greed and sin’ = people pick whichever subjective ‘sin’ they wanna blame... So grandma shows you all her quilt that she’s been keeping secret, full of patches commemorating everyone she knew who died, and tells you about how the tragedy went down and how she got her start as such a cold and untrusting person out of the fear of ever loving anyone again in case she lost them. And everyone gets to have ALL OF THE HUGS, even though hugs can’t erase what happened :( But finding a family that can support her can help flower lady right now, grandma is determined to find a way to save this one person and make up for everyone she couldn’t save! They help you on your quest to track down a doctor, and they give flower lady a place to stay as part of their family, no matter what anyone thinks! And then i think maybe after flower lady manages to get her medicine, grandma actually leaves on a journey with the doctor, to learn how to become a doctor too. She was in medical training when she was younger, before she had to drop out of education due to all that happened. And she just ended up inheriting the family bakery, even though she personally sucks at baking and hates it. (Which is why employee/grandson does all the work and stuff) So now she sees this as a chance to redeem herself, you help convince her that its not too late! She’s gonna use however many years she has left to help people! if she has to be cursed with outliving everyone, she’ll use this long life to make a difference! So its sad cos grandma has to leave on her journey, but grandson takes over the shop and flower lady is employed as an assistant. And they keep in touch with grandma in the mail. (You can sell them a good carrier pigeon monster to help!)

Another npc there could be is... another greedy guy!! I started thinking him up cos i was just wondering about who could be a friend to the grandma. I mean, the npcs have to have relationships and rivalries between each other, its not like the protagonist is the only one who matters, lol This idea i have is (for some reason) someone who looks like a younger AZ from pokemon, wearing a cowboy hat. Kinda? He’s a travelling merchant and ssssssort of the same greedy archetype as grumpy grandpa, but sort of not? He’s an even more huge penny pincher than her, but he doesn’t seem to have his heart in it. He’s constantly desperately wringing any potential money out of anything, overcharging as much as he possibly can, getting himself hurt doing silly get rich schemes. But then he’s not really a jerk about it. He’s very friendly and cares about his customers, unable to actually scam them even as he announces his intentions to do it. He’s constantly betrayed by his own kindness, and ends up giving away free stuff to anyone who has a sob story! He also never seems to actually really spend his money on himself, its not like he actually has any of the luxury he’s always rambling about. I mean, he does indeed seem to have a genuine greed and a few lofty dreams, but then he just puts all his profits in his savings no matter how much it hurts him to do it. *crying over a fancy hat as he dumps his purse in the Swear Jar*

So anyway, his connection to this plot about the flower disease is that his Secret Reason For The Greedy is only revealed if you befriend both him and the flower lady. After you progress the story enough to get her first Happy Ending of getting adopted by the baker family, her second Happy Ending of finally getting the medicine, and her third Happy Ending of becoming the new assistant baker after grandma moves away, the plot still stubbornly continues because really no ending is an ending, yknow? I’m thinking this sort of formula could work really well with a game that has no real overall plot, and is more of just a slice of life theoretically endless thing. When you’re playing Monster Rancher there’s never really any huge changes in the town you still always have the same shopkeepers and nobody even ages. And even though Animal Crossing has villagers moving in and out, its also kinda the same, there’s never any real character development or shifting of the status quo. So I’m thinking having changing generations of the town and continuity between them could be a good way to keep stuff engaging even as you keep playing the same sort of gameplay forever. Maybe some people move away, maybe some people move in, maybe some people get married or have kids, who knows!

So yeah, after the status quo change of the baker grandma moving away and flower lady leaving her homelessness tent to become a full time resident, thats’s when this new sidequest starts. Stuff still isnt instantly perfect for her, she’s still facing predjudice from some people, especially now she’s in a rather public position as an employee. All the controversy over having her work with food, even though SERIOUSLY, DUDE, you can’t catch it from just touching someone who has it! I think she’d feel absolutely terrible, she’d be worried that she’s causing her benefactors to lose business because she’s here. And she’d also have just normal social anxiety adjusting to doing her first job ever, and having to do so much talking. She was homeless since she was very young, she even has trouble with complex mathematics cos she never finished school. Another reason merchant guy could be a good friend of the family, he could help tutor her on this stuff! And general shopkeeping techniques, cos both her and grandson are both super good guy pushovers and all. (”Don’t worry, I’m a wimp too, and even I can manage to be greedy with these five simple steps! ....that’ll be 50 dollars.”) But the main plot for him and flower lady is how he finally reveals his secret reason for being so greedy. One day he just comes along leading a little girl by his hand, and lifts her up so she can see the lady at the bakery counter. “Daddy, she’s got flowers like me!!” He’s been sending all of his profits home to pay for his kid’s medical bills, and he finally decided to let you know once he met someone else with the same condition. He’s been keeping it a secret because people hate flower sufferers so much, and he desperately needs to keep up the trade route with this town otherwise he can’t afford to look after her. he’s so damn relieved to be able to stop lying to you, and to finally introduce his lil bundle of joy! And to let her see someone else with the same condition, for the first time in her life! And then the lil girl could become friends with tall flower lady, and be all like ‘you look so pretty!’ which is something nobody’s ever said to her since she got sick, and just... HEARTWARMING TIME And it could help flower lady keep hope even though predjudice hasnt completely stopped in the world. At least now she’s found some good people, and she can see that her bravery in working at this job is inspiring young sufferers to feel that their life isnt completely over. So they all send off another letter to grandma together, and have a nice family dinner with this other family, and with yours too. :3 (...also, merchant guy apologizes for lying to his close friend grandma for so long, and they laugh at how they both had so much in common and never found out until now! And she is HELLA EXCITED to meet his daughter when she comes back ^_^)

#monster shop game #thats gonna be the new tag #i need to go re-tag all of the earlier posts

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