#is what the kids call 'internalized misogyny'!

[aeide-thea]

still making my way thru a restless truth and, predictably, simultaneously enjoying hawthorn and thinking about how a female hawthorn would just be, like, a bitch, and wouldn't get sympathy or credit for her complexity...

[1pcii]

SHADAHKNKAS saw u in the notes of some kuina posts and that made me realize that there is simply a bond with kuina and tashigi fans, who may even often be the same fan, because AOUGHHH KUINA I CARE HIM SO MUCH episode 19 literally changed me forever. swords + gender struggles are all you need to hook me on a character sometimes Maybe. the whole greatest swordsman promise... sob. also. something about zoro promising his name will reach the heavens and trans kuina. which made me think.. what if kuina and The trans fear of dying then having your deadname on your tombstone that you can't do anything about because you're dead. kuina dying before they even get to figure everything out and all of a sudden he's just known as kuina forever, and then zoro making a name for himself in kuina's honor or something idk (i like zoro's backstory) (KUINA )

THERE ISS. people who theorise that they are secretly related or the same person or direct parallels are so close to getting it but don't imo (no shade to those theories tho, I just personally find them narratively unsatisfying).

like they are parallels in that kuina is symbolic of the sexism people suffer and tashigi is an adult woman who has come out the other end sword swinging but ultimately so unsure of herself as a result. also the (trans)genderisms, we are all hand in hand 🤝.

MAN KUINAS STORY BROKE ME DOWN ON A BASE LEVEL AND REWIRED NY BRAIN. I had to take a break from reading just to let it soak in it's so good, a swordsmans promise indeed, that scene was beautiful, I love zoro the world's first a accidental feminist <3. zoro carrying on her dream with his will never not have me in hysterics.

FUCK YEA THATS SUCH A GOOD IDEA. I have soo many thoughts about baby!zoro and kuina and trangenderism. egg kuina cis zoro, egg kuina STEALTH TRANS ZORO ABSVDJFBKSHDKDN <333.

little baby zoro looking at his grave with the uncontrollable urge to carve out those letters. to carry and rearrange them and make sure they get back to him in the afterlife spelling 'worlds greatest swordsman'.

trans kuina makes me so emotional because ultimately I don't know if they were canonically trans but it's my FAVOURITE 'what if' for them. they never really got to be anyone outside the dojo masters daughter. the failure of a heir and the girl who beat zoro 2001 times. who would they have been if they got to grow up? come to terms with themselves and unlearned all that heavy, painful biases pushed onto them? as a transmasc who's studying into a (cis)male dominated field myself ik, the feelings of 'betrayal' and 'proving misogynists right' and imposter syndrome and inadequacy issues and perfectionism they might've gone through,,, sobbing my eyes out HE MEANS EVERYTHING TO MEE.

zoros backstory is genuinely one of my favourite parts of the manga idc how 'simple' it was it's still beautiful.

[eve-was-framed]

If I could get activists to listen to us about one single thing and nothing else, I would ask them to consider just how many of us perfectly fit the definition of “trans kid” when we were children. I would ask them to listen to those of us who, after getting help with body issues, internalized homophobia and sexual trauma, are now comfortable with the sex we were born as and wouldn’t be happy had we transitioned.

when gender non-conforming people say that we 100% would have believed we were supposed to transition if this movement would have been as big as it is now when we were kids, we fucking mean it. we’re not being dramatic or doing it to make you look bad. it does not come from a place of hatred, it doesn’t come from a place of wanting to deny you your right to bodily autonomy, it doesn’t come from the same place that homophobes come from when they say they think same sex attracted people are broken and should be subjected to electroshock therapy.

it comes from a place of genuine concern, it comes from seeing children and vulnerable young adults who remind us of ourselves being called “trans eggs waiting to crack,” medically transitioning, and then being blamed and ostracized for not knowing it wasn’t the right decision when that path ended up being wrong for them.

if you really want to do right by gay, lesbian, and gender non-conforming kids then you should listen to gay, lesbian, and gender non-conforming adults even if it challenges your worldview. we have the hindsight to know what we needed when we were children, and for most of us, the last thing we would have needed is to be told we’re actually the opposite sex and sold DIY hrt online by random adults.

you can hate our guts and keep sending us graphic murder threats if you want but truthfully the movement you’ve created is full of too much misogyny, too much homophobia, too many hurt people, too many contradictions, and too many unanswered questions to be sustainable. gender abolitionism is the only way forward.

[mytheoristavenue]

MHA Eijiro Kirishima - I Could Kiss You

Summary: When you finally get offered a new work study under your first pick, Fat Gum, you know exactly who is responsible.

Warnings: Pure fluff, mentions of a toxic work relationship, mentions of misogyny, short/rushed, possibly OOC Shishido

You sighed, gripping the letter tightly in between your fingers. A part of you was relieved to read the words 'Employment Contract Termination Notice' at the head of the page, but something about the implications brewed something awful in your gut. The few months you'd spent under Shishido had been hellish and were were happy it was over but this also meant that, not only were you out of a job, you were out of a way to earn the work study credits you needed to pass the semester.

"Ah, nice," A familiar, chipper voice called from behind you. "About time!" Kirishima cheered, a hand on your shoulder as he read the letter over your shoulder.

"I guess so," you shugged his hand away dismissively.

"What do you mean?" He asked, growing more concerned at your lack of joy. "That guy's an ass, aren't you happy Nezu was able to terminate your contract?"

"I am, really," you answered with a sigh, plopping down on the common room couch. "Maybe it wasn't that bad..."

"Not that bad?" He snorted, sitting down with you, knees far apart as he leaned forward. "He treated you like a secretary. He took Ojiro and Sato out on patrols and made you stay at the office, that's not fair at all."

Kirishima wasn't wrong. It was an open secret at Shishido Agency that you were a diversity hire. The hero tended to avoid hiring interns who didn't fit a specific archetype, and he rarely ever hired women. But his contract with the school came under scrutiny when it was realized that he hadn't hired a single female student since the year after his agency opened. You were the only one who had applied to work for him, thus your employment began.

Your days after school were spent checking his emails, getting him coffee, answering his fanmail, and the like. Your classmates who worked under him would always flash you apologetic smiles as they headed out for patrol with him. "I'm sure you'll go with us next time, (Y/N)..." Ojiro would offer sheepishly on his way out the door. "Yeah, plus you're lucky, now you can get paid to just chill!" Sato would add, much to your chagrin.

"Well, in any case," Kirishima grinned, hoping to lift your spirits a bit. "Now you can start looking for a new hero to intern under!"

"Shishido was the only one who accepted me," you groaned, throwing your head back against the backboard of the couch. "I applied to like everyone I could think of."

"And nobody sent you any offers?" He asked, grimacing at your plite.

"Nope," you answered, exhausted. "Some of them never even replied." You admitted, repositioning on the couch, throwing your legs over his as you settled in. "God, 'Shima, your so lucky to get to work with Fat Gum. He was my first choice." You casually mention, cracking open a textbook to start on some homework.

"Oh yeah?" He askes with a smirk, interest piqued.

"Yeah," you smile softly. "He's always been my favorite pro, ever since I was a kid."

"Did you apply to him?" He suddenly asked, resting his hands on your shins.

"Obviously," you answered snarkily. "He was the first one I applied to."

"And?" He leaned in curiously, as if the answer wasn't glaringly obvious.

"He didn't ever respond." you sighed, turning the page of your book, a sadness gleaming in your eyes.

"Maybe you should reapply." He suggested, oddly excited as the conversation continued. "You never know! Maybe he'd take you this time around!"

"I doubt it," you rolled your eyes as you peered up at him. "I'll have to reapply to everyone though, so I might as well."

"Listen, I gotta go get ready for work." He suddenly jumped up, throwing your legs off him, earning a glare from you. "S-Sorry'bout that, but hey, I'll see you later, okay?"

-----

Once again, you stood there, tightly gripping a letter, the paper crinkling under your trembling fingers. In disbelief, you held it tightly to your chest, repeating it's contents over and over in your head. Finally gathering your bearings, you darted for the door, drifting into the hallway towards the common space.

"Kirishima!" You squealed, prompting the redhead to poke his head out of the kitchen in a panic, puffed cheeks full of half-chewed banana.

"(Y/N)! What's up?" he worried, setting the rest of his snack on the counter, looking you over for possible injury. "You good? You're shaking."

"I got in!" you shrieked, joyous tears pricking your eyes.

His face scrunched in confusion as he tilted his head before suddenly realizing. "Oh my God!" He hollered, sweeping you up into a laugher-filled hug, spinning you as your feet left the ground. "Fat Gum offered you a position?! I told you he would, hell yeah!"

You snickered as he raved with you, setting you back down on the floor, arms still wrapped securely around you. "Oh stop, I know you talked to him."

"W-What?" He paled, pulling away slightly. "N-No, of course not!" He laughed nervously. "I-I mean, you applied to Fat Gum? I didn't even know! I-"

"Eijrio," you stopped him dead in his tracks with a soft smile and the uttering of his given name. "You're a terrible liar..."

"I-I know..." he finally relented with a sheepish smile. "Are you mad at me?"

You couldn't stifle your laugh. "Mad at you? 'Shima, I'm overjoyed." You reassured beaming. "I'm literally so happy I could kiss you!"

You regretted the words as soon as they left your lips, frozen in his grasp, watching rouge crawl up his throat and across his cheeks. His dumbstruck expression made your heart sink and you could feel the heat radiating off your face.

"Y-You mean that?" He finally asked, face never changing. You nodded hesitantly before shaking it furiously.

"I-It's just an expression, I-I didn't-" You were silenced by his calloused hand reaching up to cup your cheek and the pad of his thumb brushing across your lip.

"If you're too nervous to do it, I can kiss you..." he suggested lowly, already leaning in, crimson eyes half-lidded and flickering from yours to your pouty lips. You nodded wordlessly, also closing the distance.

"Y-You can kiss me, if you want." you whispered against his lips, simply earning a nod from him as your lips met at last, briefly and sweetly.

After a moment, Kirishima pulled away, forehead pressed to yours and he murmured to you softly, still cradling your face. "If this is my reward, just tell me what else I can do to make you happy..." he said with a toothy grin.

"It's not a reward," you confessed with an equally saccharine tone. "I would have taken any excuse to kiss you..."

"Is that right?" he laughed, pulling you flush against him, head dipping down to catch your lips again, this time for much longer. "Guess I'll have to keep giving you excuses then, huh?" he teased in between kisses.

Suddenly, a grumpy voice boomed from behind the pair of you, causing you to both jump, holding each other tightly, as if caught with your hands in the cookie jar. "Can you two take this shit elsewhere? You're literally right in front of the fucking fridge."

[punkeropercyjackson]

The treatment of Momo by Bnha fans is fucking horrifying.Within canon while it's true Horikoshi sexualizes her,it's still said multiple times she's still a child-Aizawa literally SAID she's still mentally a 15 year old girl and rn she's only 16.In the same episode,Shouto recognizes he's been accidentally been ignoring her emotional needs and feels awful about so he makes it up to her with the 'One of those vote's was mine!' speech and always looking out for and taking care of her from then on because he thinks she deserves it and loves her as a person.It's also canon Momo is as is important to him as Izuku is,hates Bakugou due to his extreme toxic masculinity,wasn't allowed to be a real kid to be raised to be the perfect proper lady instead,has her own unique diverse dynamics with other girls and gets anxiety attacks when treated as older than she is

And YET.Everybody calls her a mom.She gets defanged of her 'silk hiding steel' archetype to replace it with her being a doormart in female form,which is what society thinks women should be.Her goofy silly side that comes out when she's happy like the 'bouncy Momo' moment when her classmates asked her for help with classes and she took it as an excuse to bring them over to her house because she's just a little girl who wanted to play with her friends is completely erased to make her the wet blanket.Her naivetee is flanderized from not understanding social norms and normal teenage girls to her being essentially born sexy yesterday.Todomomo is downplayed nonstop with the 'cisheteronormativity' excuse by white gays who don't know what trans love is and that Momo is as autistic-coded as Shouto because they think autism is a boydisorder.Todomomo is considered a Bakugou involved triangle,the ONLY guy Momo's age she actively hates and that told Shouto he dosen't care he was abused and treats him that way too with zero remorse for either.Her girl ships are turned into background token wlw for the creators to prove they're not misogynists only to out themselves as deadass lesbophobes.Dadzawa and Momo gets jackshit and so does Fatgum Intern Momo despite all the posts she should've been one with the 'women❤that's enough feminism for today i think' ahh beat.All the her and Dabi content is him being a pedophile as he's not literally a child by r*pe who hates his dad for being abusive and as if they don't have tons of potential for being platonic soulmates and found siblings,including that Momo's love interest is Dabi's little brother so they'd literally be in-laws so it all comes together and i've met exactly one person that recognizes the sisterly potential with her and Himiko and nobody's ever brought the parallel between Shouto and Himiko becoming obsessed with Momo and Ochako for the same reason(their specific hero skills)but the stark contrast in dynamics

It's INSANE the way she's potrayed in fanon vs how she actually is and her untappedness that has so much range.Bnha fans not only saw the misogyny and treated it as a part of it instead of a flaw but somehow made it WORSE.LIKE WAY WORSE,FOR MOMO MOST OF ALL!!!!!!Y'all ain't ever making it out of the patriarchy

[hadesoftheladies]

choice feminists consistently misattribute insult. feminist analysis is often taken to be infantilization, and doing so ironically shows a lack of maturity. but by far the most insidious thing about choice feminism is how it perverts the concept of empowerment to the point that women go to war fighting for dogshit treatment. they conflate being respected like a man with being like a man, which totally masks the fact that they are ritualistically disempowering themselves in an eternally rigged game.

bdsm choice feminists will say "pain gives me pleasure and i'm an adult!" and yet your male dom hisses and whines when he feels even the tiniest scrape of your teeth on his member. why does men's pleasure centre around their comfort? is he not empowered because he hasn't rationalized and eroticized his discomfort? why are you the exception?

christian choice feminists will say "i have a right to worship whomever i want" and yet your fellow male observers froth at the mouth whenever god is referred to as she. you see male as neutral and male and female as equal, yet your male leaders consistently do not. female is sexual or domestic. they can't stomach calling a metaphysically transcendent being she. why is "she" the exception? why are female biblical heroes exceptions?

muslim choice feminists will say "i get to wear the hijab" and yet male observers are not treated as inherently provocative for existing. why are you the exception?

female rappers or celebrities and women like them that dress in exceedingly impractical and revealing outfits say "my body my choice" and yet their more powerful and rich counterparts never have to do any of that on the red carpet or in their music videos. why are they the exception?

tradwives will say "it's my right to marry" and it is, but why do so few men marry without an education or job? why are they never told to do it young or quit their jobs to raise their kids? why is no man advocating for men's right to be stay-at-home dads? why are you the exception?

pro-makeup choice feminists will say "i choose to do this for fun!" and yet male counterparts have never once felt a need to shave or decorate their faces to minimize facial "flaws." they can walk anywhere, attend any party or job, without any performance or effort outside of hygiene and basic decorum. why are you the exception?

anti-separatist choice feminists will say "i have a right to pursue romantic relationships with men" and yet the men in their dating pool have zero interest in romance itself and pursue women for very different reasons. they don't risk their lives to date you, neither do they tolerate disrespect or disagreement with whoever they're dating. they don't allow themselves to be talked down to. they don't tolerate anyone they don't find exceedingly attractive unless they want a quick fuck. they don't patty-cake their opinions or tone police themselves or praise women for being women or fanboy about female sex characteristics, especially not for women they don't know. they don't defend the integrity of women. why are you the exception?

instead of asking this question, most of them would rather say that it is feminists that are insulting and infantilizing them for pointing out the way they are being insulted and infantilized by men via femininity and the performance of female socialization.

which makes it ironic. because it is immature for an adult to refuse to reflect on their choices. it is immature for an adult to invest in something they have been told time and time again is unstable and rife with fraud with poor returns. holding onto things that harm you because of peer pressure is something we hopefully outgrow post highschool. it is immature to believe something based on unsubstantiated evidence. to refuse to examine something potentially harmful simply because it gives you comfort.

i'm not going to be complicit in validating women's internalized masochism and misogyny because i refuse to agree with any patriarch on what a woman is or should be.

[beevean]

There are so many wonderful essays in the TCOAAL tag, about all the shades of fucked up that Andrew and Ashley are, but there is one thing that gnaws at me.

Where did Leyley learn all the stuff she says? Not only to swear, because that's something she could have picked up from older kids (or her own brother), but to call women "hussies" and "floozies"? Even Andy questions her, and doesn't get an answer.

That is very deep, ingrained internalized misogyny. Ever since she was a child, Leyley slutshamed with frightening ease. So much that when she hears that their parents have been befriending the neighbours, she calls them "a bunch of whores". (And I'm not even counting the voicemails she left to Julia in Andrew's dream, since we don't know what is reality and what is Andrew's subconscious)

Then you remember that she seems to view sex as transactional - as a way to gain food, money, Andrew if necessary. She's, of course, not above making jokes about banging her brother (if you give her the soda she wanted, she jokes about rewarding Andrew with her virginity), but she doesn't display the... genuine attraction Andrew seems to be harboring for her. It's a "might as well". It's a "yeah I'd do that". Sex is a way to get what she needs... which might be a reason she flips when she thinks that Andrew is getting it from someone else. Because if Andrew is getting what he wants from someone else, well, what is Ashley good for?

And then you remember how Mrs. Graves not only accuses Andrew of "fucking" Ashley (notice the wording, it's not "you two are fucking", he is fucking her - she has no agency, which is weird since Mrs. Graves is all to happy to blame everything on her "bad" daughter), but she seems to think this is the only reason Andrew could ever want to do anything for his sister. Keep in mind that she knows about the Nina incident. The idea that it might be related to Andrew's obedience doesn't cross her mind. She'd rather think that Ashley is manipulating Andrew through sex, and Andrew is such a horndog that he'd do anything for his sister's pussy. Because, well, isn't this what women and men do?

Mrs. Graves may be the dom to her spineless husband, but she sure has some... views on sexuality. Who seems to have been passed on to Leyley since she was very young. One can only imagine the stuff the kid has internalized.

[natsmagi]

some more natsume gender posting but i do admittedly get very annoyed when i see people claim natsume hates things related to femininity because thats just. Blatantly not true. i did make a post a little while back talking about natsumes gender generally (might be a lil dated by now but eh), but there are some additional points id like to make

first thing being natsume very much enjoys more feminine things!! particularly things related to baking/gardening because thats what he would do with his mom when he was little!!!! (plus his newly added skill being cooking!)

with this and his undying love for his mom in mind, does it not make sense for natsume to hold feminine activities fondly? not only is he quite good at it, but it reminds him of his childhood spent with his mom!! he looks up to her alot!! and hes also thankful for the childhood he had because it makes him feel more unique. literally how does any of this read as a hatred towards femininity or his upbringing??? his mom is literally his number 1 inspiration and shes the reason he had this upbringing to begin with. Frankly the assumption that he hates feminine things just flat out does not make sense

and he doesnt even necessarily mind things like "-chan" either. though this one depends entirely on the person. for example kanata is allowed to call natsume nacchan but if tsumugi calls him natsume-chan blood will be spilt. to re-emphasize the point made in my previous post; natsumes biggest concern is being viewed as weak. he hates being infantilized more than anything. when tsumugi calls natsume "natsume-chan" thats not tsumugi feminizing natsume, thats tsumugi reminiscing on the child natsume he used to know. when tsumugi calls natsume "natsume-chan" it feels like hes not being taken seriously, that hes still viewed as a child, that he hasnt matured (which is also why he doesnt like being called "cute" bc. yknow. kids r cute). and this is a REALLY big insecurity of his. he hates being viewed as naive. In the same vein though, natsume is insecure about not being manly enough too (such as him viewing his inability to swim as "not manly"). Which is also a really interesting point of discussion when it comes to natsumes character! but its important to note that his insecurity in his masculinity does NOT translate to a hatred of femininity. natsumes relationship with gender is an incredibly nuanced one and its so frustrating when people dont even bother trying to read into it and just completely generalize his character

with that said natsume DOES have some internalized misogyny though. But this ones kinda hard to navigate as. well. Almost the entire cast has had some to a certain extent at some point. esp in the early stories. which could all just be bad writing. But it adds to the complexities of femininity and womanhood, how the two are often associated despite being distinct from one another. and with this distinction between the two it adds ANOTHER interesting layer to natsume and his own relationship with gender, because we know he didnt mind being raised as a girl (its just incredibly fucking embarrassing that people know about it), yet his views on gender seem kind of........ Conservative. with him assuming anzu is bad at games bc shes a girl, claiming arashis lying to kids by calling herself a princess, worried that people will view him as less of a man for being unable to swim, etc etc. Like you truly cannot just read ONE story and think you now have a full grasp on natsume and his relationship with his gender. i cannot stress enough how complex it is. but this complexity is exactly what makes it resonate. if you're insecure, it makes sense for you to develop a toxic habit of punching down in order to get higher, esp since we know natsume doesnt handle his emotions super well

this section will be very speculatory and is just my own personal analyzis, so dont take it as gospel. But from my understanding it seems like natsume does genuinely enjoy more feminine things, but hes caught up in gender expectations (potentially due to him knowing both what its like to be a girl and a guy?) that this can cause him to say admittedly quite bigoted things due to his insecurities. natsume is a character that wants to be perceived a certain way; he wants to be cool, mysterious, alluring, but as we should all know by now This is a front he puts on. he very often puts on fronts and lies about his true nature and intentions. which all reads like a fear of authenticity. i dont think natsume genuinely holds those beliefs previously listed, he is just afraid of being vulnerable and, once again, having weak points exposed. he was told to be a girl when he was little and now hes basically told to be a guy without having the Common Guy Upbringing, which can easily turn into developing beliefs of toxic masculinity if you're the type who "plays the part" rather than being your authentic self. hes being told what a man is by the world around him so he tried to shape himself into it to play the part. He can be very blunt and cruel in his words to others, but i personally just see it as a projection from his end. its an attempt at making himself seem better and manlier than he actually is by using his words where hes lacking in action. You can pull off alot of mind games with a simple sentence alone. words can paint a deceiving picture if used correctly, and natsume is a fortune teller; if anyone knows how to say the right thing to get a certain impression from someone its him

i do also think its important to note that as time goes on natsume is starting to express himself genuinely more. Just like the rest of the enstars cast; his story is one of growth and bettering yourself as a person. coming to terms with who you are and learning to let others in

either way. im not one to gatekeep but i need ppl who dont read switch stories to stop speaking so definitively on natsumes relationship with his gender or im gonna start throwing rocks at people

TLDR this shit is NUANCED and to say its 100% this or 100% that does it a disservice to me

[haggishlyhagging]

Get "power" by "surrendering" and "submitting" to your man's every whim, a leading '80s self-help manual advises in typical feminist-sounding rhetoric. Don't talk back, because a ladylike silence will "enhance" your "self-respect" and "feeling of mastery." "Take charge . . . of your courtship," suggests another popular text. "Overcome obstacles," so you can get married. The pseudofeminist title of one 1989 advice book puts it most succinctly: Women Who Marry Down and End Up Having It All.

While the backlash therapy books may be written in feminist ink, they blot out the most basic precept of feminist therapy—that both social and personal growth are important, necessary, and mutually reinforcing. This is a view that was supported, albeit in a rather degraded, commercialized form, in the leading self-help manuals of the 70s; in 1975, The New Assertive Woman issued an "Everywoman's Bill Of Rights" that called for "the right to be treated with respect" and "the right to be listened to and taken seriously." The '80s advice writers, by contrast, seemed to go out of their way to urge women to stop challenging social constraints and to keep their thoughts to themselves—to learn to fit the mold rather than break it.

On no group of women did the self-help authors impress this message more strongly than the ones without wedding rings. The diagnosis was, underneath it all, little changed from the postwar era, when that era's leading advice book—Marynia Farnham and Ferdinand Lundberg's Modern Women: The Lost Sex—declared all single women neurotics and proposed subsidized psychotherapy to get them married. In the '80s, even advice experts more sympathetic to single women and the pressures they faced touted the same marital party line. In the popular 1988 advice book, If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?, counselor Susan Page acknowledges in her introduction that unwed women are contending with a social climate that is especially rough on them now; they are burdened by "the specific problems that our times have spawned, such as misogyny," she writes. But she's not interested in helping single women develop the self-confidence and internal strength they need to bear up under these antagonistic conditions. Nor does she propose that single women even question the culture's marital marching orders. "I want to accept certain sociological and psychological factors as given [her emphasis]," she writes. "In this book we will not discuss why [her emphasis] these conditions are as they are, and we will not lament them." What then should single women do to ease what Page calls the "Great Emotional Depression" that she says has descended on millions of them? Just change your single status, she proposes. She dispenses "strategies" only to make women more marketable for marriage.

The '80s backlash therapists firmly rejected another fundamental feminist principle—that men can, and should, change, too. "[L]ately it seems there is a rising tide of utter frustration among women concerning men," Smart Women/Foolish Choices observes, and a lot of women "always end up feeling disappointed by men." But Cowan and Kinder do not go on to consider what men might be doing to inspire such an outpouring of frustration, nor how men might change their behavior to make women feel better. Instead, the psychologists conclude that men are fine and any disappointment women feel is wholly self-generated. It's not the men who are "inadequate," the authors write; it's just that the women's "expectations are distorted." Women are just "hypercritical" of men. All would be well if women only learned to "truly understand men" and their "need for mastery and career success." Women would be happy if they only quit "pushing" the opposite sex to change and learned to "compromise."

Asked later what sort of compromises he had in mind, Kinder says: "Women could have their kids while they are still in college, and then, if they still want a career, they can do that after the kids are grown. You do have to make some sacrifices." What about fathers "sacrificing" by taking some responsibility for their children? Kinder, whose wife stayed at home to raise their children, mulls it over. "Yeah, well that would solve the problem," he says. "But men won't do it. And it's not our place to be saying things like that. We're not social engineers." Not, anyway, when it comes to men.

Confronted with the antifeminist implications of their message, the backlash therapists almost always issue a denial. "We're talking about broadening expectations, not settling for less, and that's not just a play on words," Cowan says. But it is exactly that—unless Cowan has already forgotten his own "Rules for Finding the Right Man" in Smart Women. Rule #8: "Fewer expectations lead to greater aliveness."

Some of the therapists attacking women's liberation most forcefully claimed, in fact, to be proponents themselves. As many media-conscious therapists in the '80s discovered, feminist-bashing "feminists" garnered the most airtime. Susan and Stephen Price, authors of the popular No More Lonely Nights: Overcoming the Hidden Fears That Keep You from Getting Married, were one such "feminist" husband-and-wife therapy team who got a lot of press mileage plugging this backlash diagnosis of modern single women: "androphobia." This "problem without a name," they wrote, shamelessly stealing Friedan's phrase, was a "deep-rooted intense fear of men" shared by most unmarried women over thirty, especially professional women. The cause: "You have been deeply influenced by feminism."

* * *

"These obsessive androphobic fears are a major ingredient in women's resistance to marriage today," Stephen Price is saying in his Manhattan office, a few weeks after his appearance on the "Today" show. "Now that we've reached the end of the women's movement, which is where our culture is today . . ." Here he hesitates, then says, "We both, of course, feel very pro the gains of the women's movement."

His wife, Susan, seated in the office's other therapeutic armchair, nods vigorously. "We're both feminists," she says. "In fact, it was almost me being a feminist that kept me from seeing these hidden fears developing. As a therapist I encouraged women to pursue careers. But what happened is, women escaped into their careers and they didn't put their energy into their relationships. Their feminist viewpoint became a trap." But if careers hurt women psychologically, then why do professional women consistently rank highest, as we've seen, in virtually all measures of mental health? The Prices have no answer.

In spite of their pro-feminist claims, the Prices seem to oppose every feminist tenet, from economic independence to sexual freedom. In their book and in their counseling sessions, they advise women to refrain not only from initiating sex but from having sex at all before marriage. "If the woman is sexually aggressive, the man might put her in the category of someone to go to bed with, period," Susan Price says. Evidence? "Fatal Attraction may be overdrawn in some ways, but you can really see that operating there," she says.

Unlike authentically feminist therapists, the Prices don't consider, much less confront, other forces at work in women's lives. They reinforce the era's isolation of single women by encouraging their female readers to see themselves as defective units, alone and isolated only by their own aberrant behavior. They advise women to "deal with your own personal crisis: What might you [their emphasis] be doing to make intimacy with a man impossible? What attitudes are keeping you [their emphasis] unavailable for marriage?" The primary offending attitude that the book singles out: an insistence on respect and equal treatment from one's mate. "The desire to avoid a submissive status in relationship to men can lead you into a loveless life," they assert. Again, there is no analysis of the attitudes of men, much less proposals for altering them. If a man mistreats a woman, she probably asked for it. "A resistant woman picks a resistant man," Susan Price says. "What we help single women to see is how what they think is a problem with the man is really something inside them." Don't men play any role in difficult relationships? "Probably it is a fifty-fifty proposition," Stephen Price concedes, shrugging. "But this book is focused on women—for the purpose of clarity."

While they don't actually support a feminist vision, the Prices are happy to appropriate the movement's activist language to promote their own agenda. They urge women to "take control" of their love lives by scaling back their career aspirations and to "gain power" over potential husbands by remaining celibate. "It's Up to You to Get Married," the manual instructs, this being the only arena, apparently, in which it's okay for women to take the initiative.

Androphobia may have a scientific ring, but it's not based on scientific research—or any research at all. "We just knew it was a phobia," Stephen Price says flatly. How? "Well, because there's an avoidance there." Pressed to explain what that means, Stephen Price falls silent. Finally, he says: "A lot of the dynamics of phobia are hidden. That's how we know it's a phobia. It's very hidden." This invisible phobia turned the Prices into very visible "marriage gurus," as they now call themselves. "We are inundated," Susan Price says happily. "We've been doing three radio shows a week. Women are calling up saying, what's your [marriage] success rate? We do sessions by phone. We have women flying in from out west. And we get so many letters from women saying they read our book and they realize now how they did it to themselves. They are grateful."

It turns out that Susan Price does actually support feminist principles in one way—for herself. "When we first married, Steve couldn't understand my need for my own career and not wanting to be a homemaker," she recalls. "I got jobs [to support him] while he was in graduate school. He was being groomed for a career and what was I doing?" First she became a schoolteacher, but she didn't find it fulfilling enough. "I decided I wanted to be a therapist. So I went back to graduate school. The kids were still babies at the time. We hired a lot of baby-sitters and put them in a lot of nursery schools." Was any of this a mistake? "Oh, no. I love what I do."

-Susan Faludi, Backlash: the Undeclared War Against American Women

[coffincestuous]

i NEED to know if the voicemails are real shit ashley said or are just andrew’s subconscious guessing what she could’ve said

i’m curious as to whose mind it reflects. if it’s really ashley, it shows a Lot about her insecurities and what exactly bothers her the most about julia’s relationship with andrew. we know she has a lot of internalized misogyny from the way that she talks about herself and other women, but for her to express that she doesn’t think andrew values julia as a person is.. wild!!

on the other hand, if it’s andrew’s subconscious putting its own words in ashley’s mouth, it’s very interesting to see how he views her without a filter.

andrew knows ashley super well, and he has known about her possessive problems ever since she started having them as a kid. he knows why she feels insecure, he knows she feels threatened by julia and everyone else who gets close to andrew, and he knows that she’s sent voicemails because (presumably) julia told him during their breakup phone call. (or he heard her???)

there’s a possibility of julia playing the voicemails for andrew, but i don’t think that’s very likely considering what we’ve seen of her thus far. (she asked andrew not to get mad for her suggesting a little distance between him and ashley. whether she’s saying it Just In Case or because he’s gotten angry at julia about ashley before is a mystery!) but, maybe ashley had been sending voicemails for a while, and julia just got to her breaking point.

maybe ashley has sent previous girlfriends of andrew’s similarly scathing voicemails? maybe he just subconsciously filled in what he’s heard from her before? maybe he’s projecting some of his own issues with ashley?

[id: two lines of dialogue from andrew’s dream sequence. ashley says, in a voicemail to julia, “do you think you’re better than me? just because you can fuck him and i can’t?” end id.]

i’m so so curious. the fact the ashley sent voicemails is real,

[id: three images of the coffin of andy and leyley. in the first image, ashley looks smug as she says asks “oooh, she dumped you? why is that?”

in the second image, andrew is shown from behind with a shadow over the top of his head. he asks “…why do you think?”

the third image shows ashley looking slightly nervous. she asks “h-how should i know?” end id.]

but if what we hear of those voicemails is real, i’m not sure…

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

Having spent the last few weeks un-fridging Catherine Todd, let me tell you, I NEVER want to see another motherfucker complaining about how Jason was """fridged"""

Like, sorry folks but he just fucking wasn't!!! Even if he had been a female character, that would not have been a fridging. The narrative at all times was deeply concerned with his internal experience of the world, his motives and emotions, and always considered him a human being whose agency and autonomy needed to be considered and highlighted. At least half of Death in the Family is about Jason's wants and needs and his attempts to fulfill them. Jason constantly makes decisions that alter the course of the story.

"Oh but his death was used for the development of the other character and the tone of the narrative as a whole" yeah, no fucking shit, of course it was, that is the entire fucking point of killing a character off! When a character dies, they stop developing through their own story arc, so they can only effect the arcs of other characters. The fact that this is done disproportionately to women is only one part of what the concept of fridging is about and reducing it down to only that ignores the real meat of why fridging matters.

Fridging is about the way that female characters are killed off in ways that disregard their agency, write off any choices, emotions, or motivations they might have had as not worth examining, and pointing out that the reason female characters are so often killed this way is because women are thought of as being less capable of agency and less fully people than men.

A good way to tell if a character has been fridged is to ask yourself "Hmm, if this woman was replaced with a literal bitch, an actual four legged puppy dog, would the narrative meaningfully change?"

Catherine Todd was fridged for Jason. She has no opinions, no meaningful personality traits, no agency in her own story or basically anyone else's for that matter. She is sad. She is addicted. She is dead. That is the whole of her character. Her entire purpose is to be a bullet point of angst in Jason's backstory. If you replaced her with a dead dog, none of Jason's story would be meaningfully changed.

"Oh but she was a parent, all the Robins have dead par-" They why was it Willis Todd that got resurrected in order to turn Jason into the 'Damned Prince of Gotham' and not her? It's because misogyny. If you come to any other conclusion why Scott "Known to Write Misogynistically" Lobdell didn't make Catherine Todd the one to come back, you are fucking kidding yourself. She is a female character and was therefore not given the same consideration as the male characters, it is as simple as that.

We all have every right to rail against the way Jason was killed off, the way the narrative blames him for his own death, the ways that he has been badly mishandled. He's even a character that's suffered due to prejudice! The classism in the way he's handled is really strong! I also think there's a ton of value in an analytical comparison between the ways that Jason's mental health is treated and the origins of mental health stigma that are rooted in misogyny. The Jason Todd Hysteria Essay is a frequent reread for me.

However.

None of this makes him "female coded" and any serious comparison of how female characters are treated and how he is treated must inevitably run into the truth that he does benefit from all the privileges that a male character gets for being male. He is treated in classist and ableist ways, and both classism and ableism intersect with misogyny, but the fact of the matter is that he does not have direct misogyny wielded against him and the female characters around him suffer from misogyny to his benefit.

You can call his death obnoxious, a callow cash grab, poorly thought out, bad for his character, of overall detriment to society, et.c. and be perfectly justified in doing so

But if you claim that he was fridged you are factually incorrect and for the crime of ripping the label off of a feminist theory (and failing to learn what it means beyond the most reductive single sentence 'definition' possible) for the benefit of a male character I sentence you to having all of your socks dipped in musty ass bog water.

[secrettellerssociety]

Nancy's storyline is S3 was not about sexism/misogyny

Just to be clear, I'm not insulting Nancy anywhere in here calling her a kid/child I'm just trying to explain the story and the characters takes on everything to explain it. I'm sorry about rambling a bit at the end I may have repeated some things but I was trying to make sure I got everything. But please read everything because it may cover any questions you have.

The men that are making fun of her never make it about her being a woman, its always about her being a child/intern. They laugh at her suggestions because shes an intern who has only worked there for 4 weeks at the most and is trying to make suggestions about how to run the paper, when they spent over 20+ years working there [as Tom says] to get a spot in that room.

Nancy herself never even says or implies that its about her being a woman necessarily. In fact, theres points that contradict that the storyline is about sexism. Like this next subject.

***********************

Nancy's conversation with her mother is what gives it away. If this was about sexism, this is the part where Nancy is with another woman and can speak freely about men/sexism. She doesn't talk about sexism/being a woman ext though. Doesn't even imply it. I always thought this scene was odd because its about her being a kid, not a woman. I thought what a weird way to address the sexism/misogyny topic.

This is the part in the story where Nancy or her mother should be giving a speech about being a woman and how they're just as good as men and overcoming sexism, but that isn't the message being put out. Its all about Nancy being a kid. The advice Karen gives her and helps Nancy overcome her issue is also not about being a woman or fighting misogyny. Its about Nancy being a kid.

"I wanted to be right so badly." "And were you?" "I thought so. But maybe I just…don't want to admit that I'm wrong, because if I'm wrong, then…" "You're what everyone thinks you are." "Just a kid who has no idea what she's doing."

You're what everyone says you are /just a kid who has no idea whats she doing [Confirming the bosses at Hawkins post were making fun of her for that, it had nothing to do with sexism/her being a woman.

*******************************

Their insults towards her are never about her being a female, its always about her being a child/an intern. They call her Nancy Drew who is a "TEEN" detective. Nancy Drew often runs into trouble because she doesn't fully know whats doing. Shes very smart, but inexperienced. Again they are commenting about her inexperience. Not about her being a woman.

Bruce says about her forgetting mustard on his sandwich after she makes a suggestion for what to put in the paper. This isn't him being sexist, he is saying about how she can't even manage being an intern and getting that right, so why should they take her suggestions about how to run the paper seriously when shes only worked there for 4 weeks and can't even handle the menial tasks.

We never actually see the men being sexist apart from Bruce. Bruce makes a comment about a womans bust that is clearly sexist, but Bruce is never sexist towards her, nor are the other men. Their issues with her are always about her being a kid/an intern.

Tom clearly wasn't showing favoritism towards the men because he fired both of them even though Jonathan didn't 'cause as much trouble' as Nancy. Nancy did more, but Jonathan was given the same punishment as her.

Nancy was an intern and she was mad that she had to do interns job like get coffee. Men and women interns have to do this. It's not sexism. Interns jobs are to do menial tasks to help the higher ups [like get coffee ext] and learn as they go so they can advance to a higher level within the company.

The only reason Jonathan's job was different is because he had a skill no one else had there. Photography at a newspaper is also a menial task in itself. He was doing a menial task already, it was just different than Nancy's task because he had that skill, she didn't.

___

"Can you have one of the other girls get the coffee today." "They're needed at their desks." It is Nancy who makes the suggestion for another girl to do it [not Tom] even though she is the intern working there. Even Tom protests this. Hes not being sexist and is not the one who made the suggestion for another female to do it in the first place. If anything Nancy was being sexist saying have one of the other girls do it. It's not that women get the coffee, its that interns get the coffee and she may have been the only female intern working there. They're a small paper I don't see them having a lot of interns at one time, but if there was maybe shes saying have one of the other interns get it and the other two interns are women. She just refers to them as 'the girls'. I can't see Nancy saying something sexist like that making the suggestion for another woman to get it. I think she is talking specifically about the few interns who work there.

___

The "They like you no matter what you do." The bosses like Jonathan [not because hes a man] but because Jonathan comes in, keeps his head low, and does what hes told. Nancy is the opposite she is constantly making suggestions to the bosses how they should be running the paper.

___

Even Nancy herself never says its about sexism or implies it. She never says about how she is being treated differently because shes a woman except that one time already covered above. If this was about sexism or her being a woman she would have addressed that, but she never does. In fact, she makes it about her being a child, not a woman as shown above. The bosses also might value Jonathan because he has a skill while Nancy doesn't.

___

It's not sexism to expect an intern to do an interns job. Rachel on Friends has to do menial tasks like this as well when shes starting out in fashion. Her bosses weren't sexist, they give you menial tasks like that because you just started the job. You have to work your way to the top starting at the very bottom. This isn't a sexist thing. Its a people thing. Men have to do it too. Everyone, men included need to start out at the bottom and work their way to the top and gain skill and knowledge about the work before they can become a higher up. You can't just rush into the 'managers' office like Nancy did and start making suggestions about how to run the company when you only worked there for 3 weeks.

___

Maybe Nancy *thought* that the men were being sexist when they weren't, but even that doesn't add up. Because of what I went over above. Nancy never makes it about her being a woman at all. She understands its about her being a kid and that shes inexperienced and has no skills like Jonathan to give her a leg up. Shes smart, but she doesn't have any particular skills that set her apart from the rest.

___

The men never say anything towards her that is about her being a woman/they never say anything sexist. The only reason they're laughing at her suggestions and making fun of her is because shes a child and making suggestions to them the bosses when she just started working there. If Nancy was a man she would have been treated the exact same way. I'll make an example if I were a man and I started working at Walmart as a cashier and only worked there for 3 weeks and I went into a meeting that was meant for the managers and I started making suggestions about how to run the company when I knew nothing about it, they would laugh at me too. It had nothing to do with sexism.

___

Im not sure where the fans got this maybe reading too much into certain lines, but Nancy herself doesn't even feel that she was being made fun of for being a woman. She says its about being a kid not a woman.

[sneckoil]

ok so i haven't watched housemd since i was a kid and just finished s1 and i am just. why is cameron written like that. genuinely her thing with house had me so completely lost this season. feels like a waste of a great actress but?? maybe I'm wrong?? she just feels so. empty as a character to me. regardless i would love to know what your opinion is on the character bc from what i remember it doesn't get better from here

I dont blame you ban-joey and I really appreciate your courage to send this off anon. We probably have the same experience. I watched house as a kid too (when I was 14, like 10 yrs ago) and hated her for being contrarian and inconsistent and in the way. But since then i’ve looked inward and found i was imposing double standards wrought by internalized misogyny. Anyway.

My opinions on cameron:

Number 1, if i were her i would shoot my shot with house too. excuse me. as if most of us on here are not just twenny… thirty somethings pining after old men. happily going on a monster truck date? getting a date in return for the old man to have me back on my team? Yeah. I respect the hustle. fuck that old man or whatever. marry him when he’s sick. phantom thread him

Number 2, liking Cameron is easy once you accept. That she is really really really not normal. I know this may be something you already know. But internalize it. She says something righteous but it doesnt mean that that is her defining trait. There is something so deeply wrong with her. I know you’re still on season 1 and Yes she Gets Worse but if you are working with the same lens as i am (that there’s something WRONG with her) then everything that happens makes sense. [spoilers] Of course youre only attracted to people when they’re sick and dying. Of course your reaction to being told youre boring is getting high on your patient’s drugs a few weeks away from your HIV test results. Of course you wanted to cheat on your dying husband with his best friend who comforted you while your husband was dying but you didn’t and you still haven’t after the fact he died. Of course you kept your dead husband’s sperm. Of course you wanted to kill a dictator but didnt, and then got pissed at your husband who Did kill him, a husband you actually felt nothing for and was hesitant to even let propose to you [/end spoilers] she’s so funny. If she were a guy they’d call her a messy bitch and love her for it. she has uncategorizable mental illnesses masking as a savior complex.

Number 3, you’re right about the emptiness on some level though. They wanted to write her out of the show and they did her so bad. And I’d say yeah she’s inconsistent as a character, but that goes for Everyone in this show. House isn’t consistent. Wilson isn’t consistent. None of them are consistent. Cameron is only as well-written as the writer who knows how to write her. I’ve suspected the only reason i hated her when I was 14 was she got in the way of hilson. But nowadays that stuff is so unserious to me. All i care about now is messy people being messy about other people

Number 4, she compels me. I like that she’s interesting. I don’t like most of her decisions, I disagree with her the most, but it’s interesting. She’s fun to Watch. She’s no Foreman (that guy is a case study in layers of character depth but that’s for another ramble) but that’s more than i can say for her than someone like, say, Chase LMAO

That being said if you dont like cameron then that’s fine 👍 we live in a society etc etc

I end with this (thank you jackie for putting this image on my feed)

[chaoscradle]

Totally wrote an essay in @booksandpaperss (hope it’s okay to tag you!) post and I wanted to make it into an actual post so here I am!

The Wheelers are so incredibly mischaracterized by a lot of people, to the point where sometimes it’s not even the same character anymore. The only exception is Holly, and that’s because we haven’t seen much of her.

I see Karen characterized mainly as a completely emotionally neglectful and dismissive mom who is fully conservative and very much traditional.

Karen isn’t a good mom, but we see her reach out to both Mike and Nancy in s1 and Nancy again in s3. In addition, yes, we see the Wheelers with a conservative sign on the lawn, but we do know that Karen isn’t fully traditional. She urges Nancy to follow the story in season 3 despite the misogyny, and she makes it very clear that that isn’t her line of thinking. She’s not the best parent, but she’s not an asshole either.

Ted is emotionally distant and definitely not a good father. He’s never shown to really connect with Mike or Nancy, instead we really only see them interact negatively with each other. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about his kids though- he’s shown to be asleep with Holly in season 3, and he does contribute to disciplining Mike and Nancy (although not well at all, he really only made things worse).

Nancy has two characterizations I see that sit wrong with me, the first being her as a prize to win and a slut, the second being heartless.

Nancy is very independent and doesn’t need a man in her life to function, and seeing her as a prize is incredibly sexist. As for being called a slut, she had sex with Steve because she thought that was what she was meant to do, and she cheated with Jonathan because she loved him and made the mistake of not waiting. The characters are flawed and make mistakes, it’s what makes them interesting and realistic. On top of that, many characters are forgiven for their mistakes, but Nancy is constantly being held to hers.

The second characterization I mentioned was heartless. She’s sometimes characterized as not caring about anyone else’s feelings at all, incredibly argumentative and void of any of Nancy’s real personality. Yes, Nancy is independent and a badass, but she cares for other people. She’s stubborn but also kind.

She’s more than The Girl In A Love Triangle, and she’s also more than The Girl With A Gun.

Mike is heavily misunderstood due to some not understanding his arc, as well as us not being able to see from his pov the past few seasons. He’s interpreted as a whiny, moody brat who doesn’t care about anyone except for El. He’s a shitty boyfriend too, for pretty much no reason other than his parents not really loving each other.

Mike is, in fact, a shitty boyfriend to El. He can’t say “I love you” to her face. He can’t even write it. Believe it or not, it’s because he doesn’t love her. He struggled with conformity and internalized homophobia, causing him to have repressed his feelings for Will and trying to force himself to love El instead.

Mike is kind of a whiny, moody brat, but so many people treat it as his only trait. They forget that he’s a leader, a planner, someone the Party looks to when they’re in trouble, etc. They’re far from his only traits. Mike also struggles with his mental health, and it’s something very overlooked by the GA. He canonly has depression and PTSD, and we see signs of it throughout all the seasons, even in season 1. A lot of his withdrawing behavior and acting out in season 2 and 4 is perceived as him being bratty and a bad friend, when in reality it’s his mental health. In season 3 when he was “written badly”, he was affected by his internalized homophobia and external pressures to be normal, causing him to spend most of his time kissing El.

Mike also cares about his friends. A lot. He fights every season for them, he’s been dubbed “The Heart”, he jumped off a cliff for one. Again, his mental health, internalized homophobia, and conformity caused him to struggle with himself and consequentially pull away from his friends and lash out at them.

[punkeropercyjackson]

TBH!!!!The only way you can make Aang look bad in Kataang is by making it out to be like Katara was never into him romantically but at the end of the day,regardless of what you believe of it's writing,she was!There were hints of her feeling the same way about him he does starting from The Boy and The Iceberg and you can hate them all you want but saying she didn't have a crush on him is straight up lying about canon and it's okay to like them better platonically because you feel that works better than them as a couple but Aang never forced his feelings on Katara-He would never want to to begin with but he wouldn't need to because she fell for him all on her own

Almost all the scenes of him showing his love for her were met with positive responses from her and there were several moments of her returning his gestures completely unprompted to make their dynamic equal and her being confused about the nature of her and Aang isn't an invalidation of it,it's because contrary to Zutara shippers' adultification addiction she's a 14 year old girl who's never dated anyone lmao!She didn't flirt back with Jet because he's a bit older(thankfully not by a creepy amount,only 16)and therefore more experienced in this department so she couldn't keep up with his tactics and her Aang flirtatiouns are middle school/high school freshman-coded as a result and it's also canon one of the reason's she feel for Aang is BECAUSE he's more childish than her,not inspite of it,and makes her feel like a real kid for once and i mean it's not like anybody else goes out of their way to do it consitently,least of all Mister 'You won't forgive me?Okay,let's bond by you killing someone while i watch and don't help!'.The prime example of this is the season 3 kisses arguments

She literally offered to kiss him FIRST and got prissy when he tried to deny her out of shyness and uncertaincy!Like this is exactly what i'm talking about,you can't call Aang abusive for pursuing a girl you THINK didn't like him so you remove all the context of their relathionship to 'prove it's canon' when it's ACTUAL NONSTOP IN YOUR FACE CANON that she loved him back the whole time!It's such a violent removal of Katara's agency and to use it to justify Zutara because 'Zuko is what girls are SUPPOSED to like' is so deeply rooted in bioessentialism and conservative m/f dating and TBFH!!!!!!!!!!!Zutara shipper saying Z/K antis have 'internalized misogyny' is a big lie with countless evidence debunking it and them removing responsibility themselves for all the damage they do but if a Kataang shipper said 'hating Kataang because you think Zutara is better is internalized misogyny',well,they wouldn't exactly be wrong seeing as they'd ALSO have countless evidence and that's ironically enough thanks to Zutara shippers themselves!

[strangedreamings]

S3E4 (spoilers abound)

Portia, Prudence, and Philippa listening at the open door while Debling calls on Pen. The three of them are anything but subtle.

Aww, he gave her a potted plant so she can have nature indoors with her. I hope somebody in this house has a green thumb. He is sweet but he'd better be honest with whoever he ends up marrying about his actual reason for finding a wife.

Has Pen truly given up on Colin? It's sad if that's true.

"I will surely eat all of the biscuits" You mean we FINALLY have an appearance by Colin's bottomless pit of a stomach? It only took what, TWO AND A HALF SEASONS?!

Violet knows when something is up but she also knows a dismissal when she hears one.

Benedict and Lady Tilley. Yeah, she's this season's Siena, though I will say I like her a lot more than I liked Siena (which isn't hard). She won't last but at least they'll be fun to watch while she's around.

Agatha and Marcus. Their dynamic is interesting -- "Do whatever, I'm too busy to get involved." I doubt he'll last beyond S3, but you never know.

"to become the new Marquess Samadani" OH MY FUCKING GOD, SHONDA, YOU DID NOT!!! The wife of a marquess (or a female marquess in her own right) is not called a marquess, but a MARCHIONESS! I know marquess isn't a common title in the British peerage but Shonda, you have access to Wikipedia, FUCKING USE IT!!!

"You read me too well." God, I love Charlotte and Brimsley.

Violet, El, Fran, and the kids are expecting Lord Samadani but Maybe-John has dropped in instead. We'd better learn his name soon, this is driving me nuts.

"John Stirling, Earl of Kilmartin." FUCKING FINALLY!!!! I don't care that his accent is wrong, I love this guy already! Is your cousin Michael in town too, John? Or is he earning his title of the Merry Rake elsewhere?

John and Fran are simply enjoying the silence and the rest of the family is completely baffled, I love it. And here comes Samadani, lovely. John, your timing is awful.

Samadani seems like a nice enough guy, he's just wrong for Francesca.

Love the library, hate Portia's internalized misogyny. I really feel for Cressida now. Can Debling marry her once Colin finally gets his head out of his ass and marries Pen?

I take "revelry" to mean Colin's friends are going whoring and want him to come with, lovely.

Debling is finally being honest? Well, not directly, but still, I'll take it for now. Oh, he's being subtle but he is being direct, got it. Poor Pen, she's torn between the life she wants and a good life that's being offered to her.

Colin with his two ladies again but this time, he's not into it. If you've already paid, Colin, you could've just bid them goodnight and left, you didn't have to stay.

Francesca running into John on the street. These two are a little too quiet for their own good, but I'm sure they'll be fine, maybe with a little help from Violet.

The Cowpers' sitting room has to be the most depressing room on the planet. Lord Cowper's forbidding Cressida from being friends with Eloise? Is it because of Colin? Or Pen? Or maybe he thinks she's putting too much effort into the friendship and not enough into finding a husband. Cressida, I'm guessing you're the same age as Daphne, so I believe that makes you 23 now. You're a legal adult and have been for two years. It would be highly irregular but you could move out of your parents' house. I'm sure the Bridgertons would take you in if Eloise explained everything.

Uh oh, the Mondriches' pub needs saving (again). We'll have another last-minute save by a Bridgerton by the time S3 is over, I'm sure. Frankly, most of the ton can fuck themselves, and that includes Colin's "friends," especially Fife. Pig.

Colin wanting more out of sex is a great sign of both his maturity and him falling in love.

So Debling's serious about proposing to Pen. Poor Pen and poor Cressida.

BTW, I love how the subtitles keep calling the music this season "pensive," it feels like an unintended pun.

For a woman who can't come up with a decent metaphor to save her life, Violet is very wise when it comes to her kids. Oh, she is playing Colin like a fiddle! Go, Violet!

I really like her and Marcus together, he seems like a great guy, though apparently somewhat estranged from Agatha.

Cressida came to Eloise. El really brings out the best in her, something her parents really try to keep hidden. I swear to God, Shonda, if you don't give Cressida a happy ending, I will.

Be careful, Fran, especially with the Queen watching.

Colin has finally outgrown his "friends," halleluiah!

Well, at least Debling bowed out gracefully. And Cressida still has a chance, as slim as it is.

Oh, is this THE carriage scene? Not quite how the book one went but hey, if we get the same outcome, I'm all for it.

Aww, Colin looks like he's about to cry.

"Are you going to marry me or not?" Colin, I could kiss you but I'll leave that to Pen. WE GOT OUR BOOK PROPOSAL!!!

And we don't even get an answer before the episode ends.

Nice cliffhanger, Shonda.