#it actually just hits far too close to how my parents treated me and my emotions and also gaslit me okay So Lock Me Up

[sirenemale]

Sorry to retype the exact same thoughts about Luna My Little Pony for the hundreth time but I'm not normal here.

I'm finishing off the last season and seeing another episode where Celestia and Luna fight in the exact same way is making me think about it even more.

Luna associated with the moon is seen as scary because she brings night time on and is seen in nightmares, and is also so so autistic coded to me vs Celestia who is revered for raising the sun and the safer daytime. Their conflicts always boil down to Celestia trivializing Luna's emotions, hobbies or job and then Luna retaliating because both to her sister and to the public, she isn't viewed the Same. And their fights are always wrapped up with them agreeing they were both wrong but I just literally cannot buy that, Luna strikes such a specific nerve with me so I'm biased but the way the story skips over the kinda tangle of emotional pain going on with her makes me feel dizzy.

Nightmare Moon emerges as a hyper destructive version of Luna's negative emotions. One big meltdown after years of subtle mistreatment. The story frames Nightmare Moon as a malevolent corrupting force that feeds off Luna's emotions, but to me I see that as a way for Celestia to keep the image of her quiet baby sister intact. My younger sister isn't capable of these emotions, sure we had bad days, but she's nothing like this, she has no reason to be so displeased. Again feels neurodivergent feels like masking and being Well behaved vs slipping. Nightmare Moon then is an aspect of Luna that Celestia is trying to ignore, and her method for that is locking her in the moon for hundreds of years, isolated for the greater good, for the safety of everyone and lamenting the loss of her dear sweet sister who's been replaced by a Monster. One that becomes a scary forewarning for children everywhere.

Even when Luna comes back, Nightmare Moon is still used for scary stories and halloween party games. No one let's her forget this, the root of her breakdown isn't addressed and it can never be addressed because now she's forever associated with a monstrous version of her own pain forever. They're not her feelings that's been taken away from her, her emotions are defined by how detrimental they are to others and more importantly her sister. They're always waiting for the moment she turns back into her, most of her episodes are about her turning back into her. The fact Luna's duty is to stay up all night patrolling the nightmares of ponies because she's scared Nightmare Moon will take over her again if she Rests or lets herself forget that happened. This actual legitimate guilt and self harm spiral she locks herself in, the fact some of these nightmares Have to involve seeing even more distorted versions of her, the ways Other ponies see her? Thinking that even if they like her, as Luna, even if they stop seeing Nightmare Moon, Nightmare Moon is also You. How much can you compartmentalize. How can you figure out if you're Good or not when this is how you live. And everyday you wake up and you see your sister and you hold your tongue. When you fight with her over things like her thinking your hobbies are boring, that you're lucky to not have any Real work to do, No reason to be tired. All these ideas of the most surface level qualities of you that she doesn't like. And the only option is to concede?

That's crazy. That's crazy crazy crazy.

[heavndoll]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒.

pairings — fem!reader and rafe cameron.

summary — after rafe takes your life, he tries to move on, and simply pretends he’s the one who didn’t do so. eventually, hauntings and truths will lay themselves out to remind rafe just how sickening he is.

warning tags — adult language. details of gruesome m*rder & m*rder itself. mentions of DV relationship, (brief) child ab*se & awful parents. talks of religion and god. reader’s pov from heaven (?? just stick w the program). rafe actually going more insane than usual. overall dark content.

author’s note — this is based on and inspired by ethel cain’s song ‘strangers’ and while this song has multiple interpretations to go by, i’m taking mine by the main and common one (just without the c*nnibalism!). this also gets super dark and depressing so if you cannot bear any of it, please click off! this also isn’t revised at all so my apologies for grammar mistakes.

likes, shares & reblogs are very much appreciated ⋆୨୧ ₊ﾟ

you had tears in your eyes, body shaking to point you thought you’d convulse. you tried to be obedient by keeping in rafe’s secret of what he had done on that tarmac. he beat you to make sure you kept your mouth shut for good.

he said, “i’ll kill you if you say one word,” and it took enough fear to believe him, but you didn’t think that day would come.

murder is an evil thing, and everyone can attest to it. rafe murdered sheriff peterkin as if she was nothing, as if she was a problem in the way. bad enough, he let john b. routledge — one of your best friends — take the fall for it.

you continued to keep your mouth shut, but after rafe tried to invade the police, ward killing himself, you didn’t see a reason to keep quiet. ward was the only reason why rafe could stay out of prison, and now that he wasn’t around, you could speak.

your father preached every sunday to live by righteousness and good, to never let evil win.

rafe was that evil. he was the devil himself.

the devil that you danced with, let make love to you, kiss you, but also beat you until stars twinkled in your vision, and your breath kept getting caught in your throat.

your mother would be horrified to know that, your father too. but it was their fault in a way that you accepted this cruelty as love; your father, especially to blame.

if love is not meant to be hit at you, does it even exist? your father showed you that when he’d slap or punch you for falling out of line, but go to church the next day, and preach about being a good servant to god.

you wanted all evil out of your life. it was suffocating, it was drowning you.

rafe had to be eliminated first.

“you killed peterkin, and i’m tired of knowing it,” you said, picking up your car keys. “we are done, and i won’t even show up to your trial when you go down for it.”

rafe just stared at you appalled and puzzled, sitting on the edge of his bed. you were close to being far out enough to your car until strong, violent hand seized you.

you screamed and kicked, not being new to this routine, only knowing that he was going to harm you.

you could never predict that his violence would lead him to murdering you.

“let me go, rafe!” you screamed, being pulled inside, your pleas and cries echoing in the empty home.

expecting to be physically berated, you were being led downwards.

to the wine cellar basement.

and for once in a while, you prayed to god, and hoped he would finally listen to you this time. that he would save his child, and perform a miracle.

but a miracle never came as rafe manhandled you, pinning you down on the cement ground of the basement.

“shut the fuck up! stop crying!” he yelled, a solid punch coming to your cheek, and you yelped, an easy gush of blood rushing out of your mouth. “you’re a fuckin’ backstabber. after everything i’ve done for you, gonna treat me like that?”

you cried, shaking your head. “r—rafe, please! i’ll be good, i’ll stop!”

“don’t trust you, little one. can’t let you ruin everything,” rafe said, reaching for something out of his back pocket.

the more you fought back, the more angry he got; the more you fueled the fire that rested in his hands and body.

before you could let out another plead, a sharp pain was made into your abdomen.

rafe stabbed you — and he wasn’t planning on stopping there.

god wasn’t there. you would show up to his gates in this condition, and ask him why he let it happen. if god is real, why did he bear witness instead of saving you?

rafe doesn’t recall killing you.

he remembers grabbing, and dragging you down into wine cellar basement, but couldn’t be able to tell anyone what happened after that. all he knows your blood was quite literally on his hand, knife shaking in his grip.

your babydoll white dress was now stained with violence and scarlet red blood.

the sight should’ve made him sick, but it didn’t. he just stared at you, breathing heavy, and it didn’t strike him until a while later that he had killed you.

rafe cameron had killed the love of his life.

he only panicked when it came to how to dispose your body, take off any evidence that could trace back to him. he was more than willing to dump your body in the woods, let any gators eat at you for supper.

he tossed your body only hours later in the depths of the woods, and it didn’t take long until you were reported missing.

of course, he was questioned first. it was easy for him to play the concerned boyfriend, crying because he also hadn’t heard from you, saying he had been texting and calling you for hours.

your parents sobbed on the news and asking anyone to come forward with any information, that they’ll give up however much money for their child to come home.

rafe just stared numbly at the television screen, a cup of scotch in his hand.

your best friends, the pogues, sobbed for days, and even started a search party for you. rafe made sure to dig you levels down in those woods when the ground was wet enough to dig up, and cover you up.

sarah cameron had a feeling her brother had something to do with your ‘disappearance’ but it was only just a gut intuition, she couldn’t prove it. she always questioned why you got with her brother, always emphasizing how horrible and violent he was, but you would tell her, “you don’t know him like i do; you don’t know how much he loves me, and takes care of me.”

kiara knew how bad rafe was — for god sake, she momentarily went to the academy around the same time he was a senior. she knew he wasn’t destined to be a boyfriend, let alone even in a fucking relationship.

the boys of the group were beyond furious, the three wanting to round up and take ahold of rafe, beat some information out of him. but they knew you wouldn’t want that, and that rafe would easily get the police to arrest them.

however, months passed, and you slowly became a memory to not only the town, but to rafe himself. he went on with his days like nothing occurred, that he didn’t violently take the life of his girlfriend.

you weren’t on his mind anymore, and he didn’t have to worry about you anymore.

or so he thought.

karma and revenge go hand in hand together; they mingle and burst out, they make sure they arrive at the doorstep of the people who deserve it.

rafe always thought getting rid of you would avoid his downfall, but the murder of you was just the beginning of it all.

he slept peacefully like he had done for a while now, with him about to drown into a deep sleep. he rested with his hands laid atop of his stomach, comfortable and at solitude, a female whisper woke him up.

he peeked around, but saw no one. he assumed he was just sleep deprived and imagining things, his eyes closing again for sleep.

“do you feel sick yet?” the voice that sounded like yours came through, more clearer and visible. he shot up, and turned on his bedside lamp.

nothing. no one. not you.

why would he have to feel sick? you were gone, you were no longer a problem.

rafe shook it off, and was able to go back to sleep.

you were angry in the afterlife. you stared at rafe from heaven, trembling with rage and regret. a man you once loved, had acted as if you never existed. you adored him, and he disposed you like garbage.

you just wanted to be his, wanted him to tell you that you were his only; that he loved you as much as you did to him, that he would change and better himself for you.

that the violence would dissipate, and his rough hands would be nurtured with love and softness.

but no. that never came, and never would.

you were taunted by your murder, burning with the need to remind rafe of how sick he was.

your violent lover let you bleed before him, and without tending to your wounds or simply sitting with immediate regret, he soaked in his actions and dismissed it.

why couldn’t he be gentle? was him painting you blue and purple not enough? did he have to go as far as killing his lover to satisfy the disdain and vexation he held for you?

was that enough? was that enough to make you enough?

rafe’s nights slowly turned interrupted and sleepless. your voice was always there, and time to time, he thought he saw you standing in his bedroom, drenched in blood and with tears streaming down your face as you kept asking him, “do you feel sick yet?”

sick. not regretful. fucking sick.

sleep deprivation was catching up to him, making him more mean and angry than usual, more out of control.

the coke wasn’t even helping either, only making everything worse.

he was at barry’s trailer, snorting endless lines of the white powder, trying to shake off the sight of you from last night.

“country club, you good?” barry asked, and rafe didn’t respond. “you don’t seem well, bro.”

“just need this shit, okay?” rafe mumbled, separating another drop of cocaine. “just… just want to sleep, need it.”

barry didn’t want to push him with more questions, minding his own business as the blond haired boy snorted up excessive amounts of lines.

rafe ended falling asleep on his couch, barry mindlessly scrolling on his own phone as he laid down on his bed.

the cold air from the air conditioner ran around in the basement, making it more freezing and chilling than usual.

rafe could smell strawberry perfume, indicating you were around. he looked around, and saw nothing of you.

“where are you!” he screamed. “you can’t scare me, you bitch!”

“i’m not here to scare you,” you talked, rafe spinning around to find you perched in the corner of the basement. you careened closer, the dim light emphasizing on your mangled body.

rafe stared at your stomach, where immense stab wounds laid on it. he swallowed thickly, his breath shaking and jagged.

“do you feel sick?” you asked, and rafe looked up at you. he couldn’t move in this dream, he was paralyzed and a witness to your lacerated body.

nausea and despair washed over rafe, almost consuming him entirely.

you were finally face to face with him, your hair disheveled and bunched, face stained with tears and runny makeup, all for him to look at.

rafe could feel your physical touch, your soft hand grabbing his, and made his palm touch your abdomen. he almost fucking threw up.

you could see it, you could see he was wanting to vomit everywhere. “am i making you feel sick?” you asked, and rafe shivered, forcing his hand to put more pressure on your stomach, blood rushing out onto it. “am i making you feel sick?”

rafe screamed and lurched up, his eyes opening and alarming barry. “woah, what the fuck, rafe!” barry shouted, and rafe breathed rapidly, his heart thumping against his chest, a need to vomit.

rafe brought his face into his hands, trying to shake everything out of his hand.

your face, your touch, your blood — he felt it all. he was being reminded of you, when he didn’t want to.

barry kept asking him what was wrong, why he was crying, if he was okay, but all rafe could focus on was your voice asking, “am i making you feel sick?”

he was no longer immune to his destruction. he was becoming infected by it. you were a disease that he couldn’t treat, a parasite that ate at his brain.

he would never get rid of you — and you would make sure that he never did.

it was month seven without you, and you became a faded name to the outer banks. the only people who lived on to tell your name was your parents, and your best friends. the pogues carved your name into the chateau’s tree, a ceremonial bench placed at the high school.

your body or you weren’t ever discovered, but the police had listed you as deceased. you weren’t a runaway, you were eighteen, and had nothing to runaway for. when you couldn’t be traced anywhere on the grid, the police pronounced you dead, and that was that.

pictures of you and any sort of evidence remained in a cardboard box somewhere in the police station. you were left to rot in every way.

you were tired of being forgotten, but more exhausted that nobody knew that your boyfriend did this, and you probably weren’t going to be the first girl he killed.

rafe cameron needed to know what he did, and you wanted to do everything you could to make him drag himself to the police station, sit down, and say, “i killed her — and i enjoyed every fucking second of it.”

madness was becoming rafe. he was already an insane, depraved fuck before, but the lack of sleep and memories of the murder were catching up to him for good.

dark circles were around his eyes, hair greasy and messy, his body tired. he felt like he was going to snap any second.

he kept drinking, smoking weed and doing coke back to back, surprised that his heart didn’t give out yet.

a random exhaustion toll pushed over him, laying him down on the floor of his bedroom, and his eyes threatened to snap shut.

he didn’t want to sleep, he was afraid to. he was afraid to see you, with your bloody dress and sad face, making him touch your wounds.

rafe didn’t win the fight of sleeping, and he knocked out cold on his bedroom floor.

he wasn’t in the basement, he was in his bedroom, and he could hear your feet padding away to the front of the house, to your car.

oh, he was reliving the night. and he couldn’t stop. he couldn’t get out of the memory — he was facing everything.

he saw you bloody by his doorframe, and you tilted your head. “why are you doing this?” he asked, his voice sounding as if he was trapped in a void.

you only frowned. “so you know.”

like a reflex, rafe hurriedly rushed over to you outside before you could get away, seizing you away, and taking you to the basement.

he pinned you down to the ground, and screamed at you to stop crying, upset and angry you were willing to betray him when he did everything for you.

you were sobbing, but it became echoes and his ears rang, everything around him becoming silent except his own heavy breathing. he grabbed the knife that sat in his pocket, and he could see your eyes widen with fear to the sight of the object.

“rafe!” you screamed in the first stab. he hit you sharp and right in the abdomen.

he held his knife there for a second, like time was freezing him, and he felt a hot breath at the side of his face.

it was you.

“am i making you feel sick?” you asked, and rafe proceeded to stab you as you sobbed. you cried out his name, trying to fight away the knife, promising to be good and for him to stop.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

rafe couldn’t stop, he couldn’t control himself. he kept stabbing you as you screamed. he was a monster, with the inability to suppress his anger or violence.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

another stab.

“am i making you feel sick?”

a part you thought you were making him feel sick because of how mutilated your body was; that the body he was once desired, was now filling him with disgust. you wondered if how butchered you looked, was making him uncomfortable and sick. he didn’t deserve your concern, but it happened anyway. was it making him sick?

rafe wanted to cry, but couldn’t. he was revisiting the person he was in this moment, and could see life vanish from your eyes, death taking you away.

he took one last stab, and held it there like the first one. you kneeled in front of him, looking over at your corpse for a moment before your eyes settled into his raging ones.

he held prolonged eye contact with you as you inched your face close to his, but kept a safe distance. you placed your hand on top of his murdering one, and with a blank face, lastly asking him, “am i making you feel sick?”

rafe broke eye contact with you to look at your deceased body, and realized and remembered this murder. your organs could be nearly seen, blood gushed and poured out everywhere, your body cold and still.

he dropped the knife, and eyed you. “i’m sorry.”

you shook your head, and sighed. “you will revisit this everyday as long as you live,” you said, sniffling. “all i wanted was to be yours, and be good enough, rafe. was i no good?”

he didn’t have an answer, and with that, you got up, staring over at your body. “i want you to know,” you chuckled softly to yourself, “i never blamed you for loving me the way that you did. i forgive you, especially since i’m happier where i’m at.”

“heaven?” rafe asked.

you nodded. “you won’t make it here, but i’ll still hope and wait that you do — because i love you too much to let god be angry with you too.”

“he’s an angry man?”

“he’s angry and unfair,” you responded. “like someone i know. i loved god, i loved you; two men who didn’t view me as much, who don’t deserve for me to believe in them.”

rafe went quiet, and enough time went by for you to disappear for good to let rafe cry, and scream. he cried and sobbed, dry heaving as he vomited everywhere to the sight of you.

he killed you, and as long as he kept it to himself, you would drive him mad and insane with the knowing of it.

rafe cameron confessed to your murder only hours later. he drove himself to the police station, and confessed to every detail, telling sheriff shope where your body was.

they found your maimed body in the exact location where rafe told them it was, your body already decomposing into near bones, eaten by critters and bugs.

the earth was consuming you.

he was hated forever, the town wanted him torched or given the death penalty. it would be a while until he got a trial.

your funeral could be proper with your body in a casket, given a rightful way to be down in the ground, protected and secured by a box stuffed with silk fabric.

you could see your mom cry, and you wish she wouldn’t. your father had to give the prayer at your funeral, your best friends sobbing, and hating themselves for not getting you away from rafe sooner.

however, your death was simply inevitable. if rafe didn’t kill you, your love for him would. he was everything to you.

even when he was murdering you — getting a vile satisfaction from it — you were worried about him, if you and your maimed body was making him feel more nauseous and sick than the actual murder was.

rafe would live with the knowing that you truly loved him, and he took your life every single day that he spent in a prison block cell.

and your ghost would continue to linger and haunt him, never letting him know peace and serenity as he never did to you.

[speedycoffeedelight]

An Animalistic Disaster

Summery:Where you reveal a bit of your past and go on a shopping trip with the girls (And Pentious).

Masterlist

CH-14 :Past memories and a shopping trip

Tw: domestic abuse.

"When I was six, me and my mom went to live with mom's brother, my uncle and aunt. They had a daughter and a son, Melody and Skylar.

Melody was younger and more timid than me. I gradually realised that Melody was almost like a puppet to her parents. They gave all their focus on Skylar. Which would make sense since he was a kid then. But they took it too far.

They would never try to discipline Skylar. It was clear her parents had a soft spot for him. Skylar understood that very clearly and would abuse that."

You sighed, remembering what used to happen in that household.

"Skylar would scream and hit Melody whenever he wanted and if we as much as raised our voice on him, he would cry endlessly in front of his mom like we hit him brutally. Before you say anything, he would only do that whenever his parents were around to hear, so that little shit knew what he was doing.

And of course his mom would believe him every fucking time. So since I couldn't make him behave, the best course of action was to lock myself up in my room so he couldn't get in and cause trouble for me."

"That sounds horrible...." Charlie gasped.

"That's not the end of it." You sadly smiled. "I haven't even told you why I'm hated."

"I hated how they treated Melody from the bottom of my heart. I would speak up for her since she couldn't.

She would often seek refuge in me and stay in my room away from everyone. I read her my different storybooks, showed her my favourite shows and shared my experiences. Gradually she began to think for herself. She began to stand up for herself. Her parents hated that.

They blamed me for corrupting their sweet child with my venomous company. They were mad they couldn't control Melody like before.

Their scolding and hitting got worse from then. There were times we would stay locked in my room for hours while her mom kept shouting all shitty things she could say about me. She even told Melody, A child, to live with me instead of them if she liked me that much."

"Please tell me you guys did something about that later..." Vaggie almost pleaded.

"When things got worse and I couldn't take it anymore, I finally told my mom one day after she got home from work. I didn't want to tell her at first before cause I didn't want to make her worry. My mom and aunt had a huge argument then. Later finally, we rented a small house for ourselves."

'But what happened to Melody?' Angel quickly asked and Charlie translated it just as fast. Everyone had the same question in their mind.

"She...stayed back. I asked her to come with me but she smiled and shook her head. She said she wanted to stay and make that place better."

'Ya gotta hand it to the kid. She had some real guts to stay in a family like that'

You nodded at what Husk said after Vaggie translated it.

"She really had. We did get to see each other from time to time in our family gatherings and such and kept in contact through texting and calling sometimes. But I'm glad to say our bond ever wavered no matter how long we are away from each other "

You said with a small smile looking at everyone.

"Melody has learned to be her own person since I left despite still being in those harsh conditions. And even after all this time, I've never gotten close to her parents for this reason."

You finally finished talking and looked at them for their reactions. Charlie almost immediately tackled you into a hug.

"I knew you were great person! Thank you thank you thank you!"

"Thanks for what Charlie?"

"Nothing don't worry about it!"

Charlie was relieved that you were actually a good person. She doesn't have to feel guilty for defending you. She hugged you tighter in happiness almost choking you.

"C-charlie, can't breathe-"

"Oh sorry sorry"

She quickly let you go and smiled brightly at you. "You're a nice person (Y/n)." Vaggie gave you soft smile.

Everyone in the room was thinking the same thing. The earlier suspicion on you vanishing in an instant.

"Yeah well anyways" you scratched your neck while blushing from all this attention you're getting plus seeing all their eyes on you. "We should eat dinner and go to sleep. I plan on going shopping tomorrow. I want Charlie, Vaggie and Niffty accompanying me since they turned human."

"We get to hang around in the human world?" Niffty said excitedly. You chuckled noticing her enthusiasm.

"Yes you can plus we'll be doing job hunting for you guys. We don't know how long it'll take to find a job so we should start searching from tomorrow "

"Awesome!"

With that, you all slowly went around cooking while chatting, making jabs at one another. Angel was almost thrown into a cooking pot by accident but Charlie noticed it immediately. Other then that, everything was fine.

After sleeping again in previous positions, you woke up to Vaggie calling you this time. You smiled at her and went to the bathroom to freshen up.

After you finished,you went to the kitchen to see Charlie cooking this time with her tongue out a bit upwards as she was flipping pancakes very carefully. It was honestly quite adorable to watch. Vaggie was about to call you but you put a finger on your mouth, making Vaggie go quiet.

You slowly tiptoed behind Charlie making Vaggie look at you confused. Just as Charlie finished flipping a Pancake, you went 'Boo' in her ear playfully. But you didn't expect what happened.

Charlie let out a surprised yelp as she let go of the pan. A bright golden light engulfed her as something fell to the ground in a thud.

As the light disappeared, there was Charlie again, but in her sheep form.

'Oh no, oh no, oh nononono! I'm not getting stuck in this form again!'

She started to scream in panic with sheep sounds and ran around. Vaggie quickly tried running after her to try and calm her down. She picked up a very scared Charlie and held her close as you looked over with guilt.

"Hun calm down, breathe." Vaggie patted Charlie as she looked looked up at her girlfriend teary eyed. "Try to see if you can become human again okay?"

Charlie nodded and calmed her nerves as she tried to imagine herself as human again. After some time, a golden light engulfed her again as she again reappeared as human in Charlie's arms.

"Vaggie, I'm human again! I'm human!" She said shaking Vaggie. "Yes, I can see that...but what happened? Can we turn to our human and animal form at will?" Charlie shruged, not knowing. You came forward looking down.

"I'm really really sorry Charlie. I didn't mean for that to happen.." you said meekly.

"It's alright... It just gave me a little shock that's all" Charlie said nervously laughing. "But at least I turned back again."

'What happened? Why are you all looking so shaken?' Husk said stepping into the room alongside Angel and noticing the pair on the floor holding each other as well as you looking at them apologetically.

After Vaggie told him his eyes were wide open. 'Wait, no shit? That actually worked? Let me see if I can try.' Husk and Angel both tried to imagine themselves as humans but nothing happened. 'Guess it only works with those who already transformed..' Angel sighed.

"Make sure to let others know about this and oh-" Charlie's nose picked up a burning smell. "MY PANCAKES!" She quickly ran towards the pan to salvage the food before it's fully wasted.

You volunteered to eat the slightly burnt pancake as an apology and after that, it was time to go shopping. You, Charlie, Vaggie and Niffty all dressed up in your clothes. Vaggie gathered all the animals before going.

"I'm leaving my front door open in case you all need something. But for this reason, I'll need you all to stay close to the house as well to guard it." You said looking at all of them.

"Especially you Alastor, you're the only one that can do something if a burglar comes by." Since you saw how Alastor could fight even in this form in the woods, he was the best option.

'Yes, yes, I know you can't do anything without me. You girls can go ahead without worry. I'll keep watch." Alastor said in a bored tone but inside he was fuming with pride that you relied on him the most.

"Now then, we shouldn't take too much time. Be safe you guys. You're free to go." With that you went to get the car ready as your three companions waited patiently.

Sir Pentious was about to slither back to the cabin but stopped seeing Cherri head towards your car. Being confused he quickly followed her. Cherri jumped into the car's open trunk while you weren't looking and Pentious did the same.

'Misss Cherri what are you doing here? We're supposed to be back at the cabin!' Pentious whisper shouted.

'Wha- Hey what the fuck man. Don't creep up on me like that!' Cherri was a little spooked seeing Pentious behind her. She thought she was being discreet.

'And I'm going to the town with them! I can't wait till I've transformed see what the world is like now since I'm the last. So I'm hitching a ride!'

'But isn't thiss a bad idea? What if sssomeone sees uss?'

'Oh quit your yapping. You can leave if you want.'

But he could not even if wanted since the trunk closed on them followed by the car starting. Cherri had a grin on her face and Pentious had a look of worry.

Niffty decided to sit next to you on the car and Charlie and Vaggie sat behind. While driving, you started some songs for everyone to enjoy.

All three of them were enjoying the sight of human world as they were practically glued to their windows. Especially Charlie since she spent her entire life in hell. Even though they went outside in your cabin, it was nothing compared to driving through various places like this. The sight of them made the corners of your lips turn up.

"By the way Niffty, did you get any powers like us?" Vaggie asked suddenly remembering.

"Not really, no. Me and mr.Alastor tried really hard to see if I had any type of powers but nothing worked." Niffty answered while her eyes were still glued to the window. "But I can turn into a dog again at will now!"

"I see..oh and (Y/n). Can I request something..?" Vaggie asked sheepishly.

"Hm,yes? What is it?"

"Can I get some glasses? I think my eye sight has lessened.."

"Oh yes sure! We'll get your eyes checked then!"

Finally you reached your place. You parked the car and you three finally stepped outside. Suddenly Niffty started sniffing the air with her ears moving.

"Niffty? What's wrong?" Charlie asked concerned. Niffty didn't answer as she stepped behind the trunk and opened it.

"Uh-huh! Found you! I knew I heard some weird sounds coming from the back!"

"What? Who's there?" You went to stand beside Niffty and found Pentious and Cherri red handed.

You quickly pulled the hood down and looked around see if anyone was starting at you. Having a squirrel was fine but people might report you to the police if they saw you have a snake in your car, thinking you're a poacher. And the worst thing is they'll take him away to who knows where.

"What the fuck are you guys doing here? You guys should be at the cabin!" You hissed through your teeth at them.

'What? Taking a stroll couldn't hurt! Plus this dumbass followed me here himself.' Cherri said looking at Pentious. 'I wass only trying to ssee what you were doing!'

You sighed. You couldn't leave them both here. Who knows what they'll start doing if they're left alone. You don't want to have any more trouble in your hands. Rummaging through the car, you found a big shopping bag that you usually use for groceries.

"Jump in here and not a single peek from either of you got it?" You said holding the bag in front of them.

'Got it!' Cherri grinned as she jumped inside and Pentious followed. You gave the bag to Niffty.

"Niffty can I ask you to take care of this bag? Make sure none of them peeks their head out of try to come out okay?" You requested her with worry. "Can you do that for me?"

"Mam,Yes Mam! I'll make sure of that!" She copied military style and gave you a salute making you chuckle a bit.

"I'll hold onto that then"

After that was over, you guys went to buy foods and two extra mattresses for now. Then you guys went to buy clothes. They didn't buy much since they could just wear your clothes for the most part as you suggested and bought personal items. You'll have to spend more money on the boys clothes when they turn human. And finally on Vaggie's glasses.

After a successful trip, you four bought some ice creams as you headed towards your car. Cherri did try to sneak out a couple of times but Niffty made sure she couldn't. Some people on the street thought the three of them were cosplaying and wanted to take selfies  but you quickly declined.

You also collected some informations on the places looking to hire right now. You decided to sort through them later. You led them through a shortcut to reach the parking lot faster. You spent more time than you planned on getting sucked in the fun hanging out with them.

All in all it was a successful shopping trip. That was until you turned a corner while walking and bumped into someone making you spill your ice cream over them.

"I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry!" You quickly yelled out looking at the shirt that now had a stain and some bits of ice cream falling to the ground from the shirt.

"Oi look where you're going bitch!" The guy yelled out pushing you away from him. You would fall to the floor if Vaggie didn't catch you in time. "Careful!" She yelled out.

As the guy started to come closer Charlie moved in front of you defensively. "She said sorry already! So please stop this!" She pleaded as you stood up again.

"Fuck no. That bitch ruined my shirt and now she'll have to pay for it!" The guy shoved Charlie aside and grabbed your collar making you look at his face.

Niffty was standing behind Vaggie still holding onto the bag as the scene transpired in from of her. She started growling unknowningly as she took a step ahead.

Sir Pentious and Cherri were listening to everything that was transpiring outside.

'Shit, something very bad is happening outside!' Cherri said looking a bit nervous.

'It sounds like (Y/n) is in trouble..' Pentious said as they both peeked out of the bag just as you were grabbed by your collar.

'(Y/n) no..I can't let anything happen to her!' Pentious said as he jumped out of the bag. Niffty finally noticed him. "Pentious you're not supposed to be out!"

'She helped us all these time, fed us, took care of us. The least I can do is protect in danger!'

His body began to grow bright yellow. Vaggie who was about to jump onto the guy, stopped and looked behind her.

The man's disgusting breath hit your nose like a tornado. He raised one hand to hit you as you quickly prepared yourself to defend. But a hand came from behind you, catching the attackers raised one.

"I don't think it's in proper manner to hit a lady."

A.N: So I've realised that I should probably make the chapters longer otherwise there's gonna be a huge number of chapters by the time I'm finished.

So yeah, heads up for that! (⁠・⁠∀⁠・⁠)

Also I didn't tell here before, but I'm planning on a QnA if I reach 1k votes and kudos in ao3 and wattpad. I already reached 1k on wattpad and now for the ao3 (⁠~⁠‾⁠▿⁠‾⁠)⁠~

You guys can ask the cast or me any questions during that. But of course, no telling spoilers.

Tag list: @legostars @glowinthedarkbones1150

@darifes @aria-tempest

[meeks-just-wants-to-scroll]

hi 🐊 me again

i figured id ask soneone who actually gives a rats ass about colm since most of my pals dont lol ^-^ last ask posted gave me the push to ask

i think a lot about kieran describing colms happiness as "a ray of sunshine" when speaking about him at the campfire. of course it could just mean that kieran isnt being treated horribly, and thats a ray of sunshine to the him, but i like to think his standards are a little higher even if they never get met.

ive always liked to imagine it as actually meaning something, at least to kieran. its lead me to believe that in an ideal world, kieran was moreso colms personal errand boy rather than just the gangs as a whole, that would make all of the o'driscolls recognizing him make sense. and that would also make the "sunshine" line make more sense too, if kieran was colms own little whipping boy, they would probably have a slightly closer relationship than most. after all, during the camp raid in chapter 1, we do see kieran directly grabbed snd hit by colm.

but im mostly curious about your thoughts on it all, especially as someone whos colm brained (i am trying to get myself there honestly ^-^). id looooove to know your interpretation of that line and what it says about the o'driscoll leader !! its always stuck out to me considering how little they try to humanize colm elsewhere for most of the game, and kieran says it with so much energy that youre stuck believing him.

Oh man, I am glad to get this ask because I love colm discussions. I kind of lagged on answering this because I wasn’t sure if I could actually bring a lot of interesting stuff up to talk about. Colm had so little screen time that it’s hard for me to get a grasp.

Okay. So… sunshine… ☀️

When Kieran said this it immediately made me think of cyclical abuse tactics where there is a period of good treatment followed by destruction.

I believe Colm is much the same as Dutch with having the ability to draw people in and stick with a commonality + a common goal. The O’D are drawn together by the commonality of being Irish heritage (despite Colm being American but has an Irish name). Their common goal is money and the outlaw freedom to do bad and feel invincible in numbers.

Colm doesn’t put a lot of 1:1 time with his gang so I can’t assert how he treats the rest of the gang (likely like a distant boss). But I can make a guess how he treats his close circle of people based off of Kieran’s dialogue.

Why is Kieran selected to stick with the gang? That deserves its own post, but let’s pretend Colm took a liking to Kieran and let him be the personal whipping boy; Someone who showed he was malleable enough to not put up a fight when bossed around (and disposable).

As for the sunshine, I think that could be Kieran recalling the times Colm had treated him well. Not just “he didn’t punch me today. Yay!” But 1:1 personal attention that is so far from what Colm usually does for the rest that it makes Kieran feel on top of the world. Of course he isn’t actually treated well, but it is that friendly talking and ease of laughter that makes Kieran almost forget it’s not sincere.

I think Kieran would be touch starved, and Colm knows this, so he uses brief kind gestures of touch to persuade Kieran. This is me being me but I rlly like Colm touching people’s hair. It is such an invasive and personal thing to do but also 🗣️♥️head scratches and getting your hair played with feels nice‼️♥️. It’s that dissonance between “this is creepy but also I haven’t been shown kindness since my parents died.”

It’s compared to sunshine because Colm’s nice attention is like being singled out by the sun in a cold mountain. It is a spotlight.

The flip side of “when he’s angry, it’s like the devil is upon you” is harder for me to define. I sometimes struggle with media analysis when it comes to imagining things I don’t get to clearly see in the media. Leaving stuff to the imagination is powerful, but I need something of substance to bite into for me to analyze.

I feel like Colm’s anger can be unpredictable. He has the men power and persistence to extend his anger not just to you when he is before you, but to you at all times. I don’t think Kieran was only paranoid, I think he had good reason to fear every moment he was being watched. The one time he let down his guard, he was snatched. There are also letters across the game written by O’Driscolls where they make threats and allude to them stalking people.

Colm’s anger in person is hard to read. I don’t think he yells except in a few cases, he always whispers and talks in such an eerie way. Pardon me as I copy and paste what I told some friends on the topic of his voice…

“He talks in a way that fries my brain because I know I shouldn’t trust him and he DOES sound untrust worthy but I can’t get my claws into what specifically is setting off my radar.

[in blessed are the peacemaker] After the threatening “I liked Annabell” line, Colm is so ominously silent, drawing out the tension moments longer before he just???? Smiles and almost laughs. It’s so playful and harmless sounding (without the context of the situation). Such a fucking 180 and unseriousness. He also says ‘you’ve always liked the ladies,’ as if Colm knows how shallow and fast Dutch likes and falls out with women.

And then the ‘I like that about you,’ whisper is just… Colm. Very colmy. Just whispering something as if it’s some secret or to emphasize it.

Colm is incapable of going one sentence without changing his tone/delivery/pacing/breathiness all to throw off how to read him.

He talks like he is a three headed snake-rat-vulture chimera.”

He turns on a dime when talking to Kieran in Chapter 1 (mission Old Friend? I forgot the name). He holds an amicable conversation for a few moments before something suddenly cues Colm to grab Kieran and give him two quick slaps across the face, then shove him and yell at him. It’s brief, but Colm has been shown to have the capacity to get his hands directly on people, not just use his gang as an extension of his hands. I also want to mention the intentions detail of Colm being atop his horse and leaning down to talk to Kieran. Visual story telling/signifying rank and dynamic. Even when speaking amicably, Colm is in command.

I wish I had more research in my brain of manipulation tactics that would lead to this, but I do think Colm either keeps easy to influence people or already morally corrupt people in his ranks so they’ll easily align with him when he is angry. Hence Kieran mentioning how “he’s mad. And you’re upset and you don’t know why… as long as it isn’t directed at you, you don’t care!”

^ I believe what I am talking about are “Flying Monkeys” in the context of psychology and narcissists. Brief rehashing of what TheraminTrees taught me but it’s when people knowingly or unknowingly are recruited by narcissists to extend their influence / control beyond direct interactions.

I don’t think just anyone could be slotted into Colm’s gang and especially not his close ring of people. That man had an eye for picking people who will easily follow and carry out his bidding.

I don’t think the game could have humanized him a whole lot outside of one of his abuse victims briefly mentioning how colm had moments of good treatment. As the audience (extra: as the audience looking through Arthur’s eyes), there is no good way the game could have made ups sympathize or respect Colm because we ourselves aren’t the kind of people who would believe the sickly sweet lies Colm drip feeds to keep his men by his side.

I do like how they managed to at least briefly allude to a “kind” side to Colm. It would have been so easy to paint Colm as a black and white bad man with no redeeming traits (and I am sure that’s how some fans see him if they missed or ignored Kieran’s camp interaction). But that tiny mention makes him so interesting to me.

As much as I hate how little screen time he got, that’s in character for him. He is elusive, he is hard to read, he is contradictory in how he talks (sounding so humored one minute and deathly silent the next). He is… so. God damn. Slimy.

I love Colm as a character so much it is actually driving me ballistics.

SIGHHHH LONG ANALYSIS BUT ANYWAYS thank you for sending this ask this was a good use of like…. Two hours.

[tpwkwriter]

u r my fave writter everrrr! And I wanted to recommend H helping the reader with anxiety, depression, an eating disorder and like a traumatic childhood. THANK YOUUUUU

My comfort.

First of all thank you so, so much Not only for your request but lovely words! 🥰

And wowser A traumatised y/n! 🫢but luckily H is there hey!

*Warnings* mentions of depression, anxiety, trauma,drug use!, body dysmorphia, struggles with eating and various mental health issues! My dms are open always! 🤎

Love your beautiful selfs! 🫶🏼

— — — — —

Ever since a young age y/n had been through various battles.

Her childhood was far from mundane, when she was about 9 her parents took to several different substances and would happily leave y/n and her sister alone for many hours through the day.

When the girl hit her early teens she was aware of what was going on and that realisation hit her like a ton of bricks, knowing her parents would rather be out doing his knows what, with god knows who then actually looking after her and her sister

When it was time for secondary school, y/n would still admit that this was the worst time for her. 7 hours of constant work to come home and play mother. The constant comparisons to her and her classmates drove her mad, the reminder of exams and work it was all a bit much.

When she hit 17 she went to college and took part in a weekend job to earn some money on the side. Of course her parents eyes lit up once they heard money was being made.

On y/n’s sisters 12th birthday y/n was finally able to buy her gifts and treat the young girl. However this didn’t go down with the rest of the family, y/n recalls this memory very clearly even though she’s been trying to repress it for years.

The argument they had that evening was booming, her father threw anything he could get his hands on, her mother threw every insult and shaming word there was, all of this because she wouldn’t lend them money?

The night quickly escalated when an empty vase was threw at y/n leaving a cut on her wrist that scarred and she still sees to this day.

From that night y/n picked up longer shifts, and more hours just for a bit more money and financial stability.

By her 18th birthday she could afford her first car, wasn’t anything grand but the freedom it allowed her was amazing, she finally felt proud of how she’s done this all herself, she finally felt pride in herself and not self hatred.

Fast forward to age 25 and her life was something she wasn’t expecting.

She was with one of the most recognisable faces, who was able to show her parts of the world she never thought she could, he gave her the biggest comfort and safe feeling that she ever so lacked.

Her sister was currently 21 living with her own boyfriend and was equally as happy, and both of them was as close as ever.

Y/n loved Harry with everything in her, and wanted no chance or risk that he would walk out on her. Y/n adamantly worked on her figure everyday, she started off her morning in the gym, went for a run at-least once a week, this was good n all but she slowly started slipping meals and going past them.

It was currently nearing 6pm and H had just come back from the studio and long day.

“Alright love?” He asks putting a hand on her waist and kissing her cheek as she was finalising dinner.

“Oh my god H” she giggled

“Y’made me jump! Didn’t hear y’come in” she smiled

“Was m’plan” he smirked kissing her again.

“How was y’day” he ask, reaching the top cupboard for too glasses knowing she wouldn’t be able to reach them.

“Was okay, got Tomorrow off so no excuse to get rid of me” she smiled.

“You?” She asked

“S’okay busy, happy to have our day tomorrow”

Dinner was finalised, and the both sat at the table speaking through there day to each other.

“Y’been to the gym today?” He asked

“Yeah” she answered.

“Did 2 hours in there today!!” She said proudly.

“M’proud of you darling, make sure we’re not overworking ourselves right?” He asks slipping her a look that was all too familiar.

“M’not, I just wanna stay, like this I guess?” She smiles.

“What do you mean baby? Y’gorgeous” he states.

“Have you eaten today?” He asks stopping in his tracks to watch her.

“Um” she wonders.

“I mean, m’eating right now, but I just wasn’t hungry really” she claims, taking another spoonful of her food to her mouth.

“Y/nnnnn” he playfully drags

“I promise I’ll eat more tomorrow, just, wasn’t hungry today!” She smiles.

“Y’did 2 hours in the gym and didn’t eat anything after?” He asks tone getting deeper and eyebrows raising.

“I really I didn’t mean to, I was running errands after and I forgot” she says standing up from her seat collecting the plates from them both.

H joins her in kitchen and helps her tidy up.

“Thanks H” she said.

“N’worries, thanks for dinner love” he says kissing her temple swiftly.

“Gonna get dressed, and then we can watch one of your bloody documentaries?” He smiles

“Y’know it H” she blushes.

They reluctantly parted, y/n found herself bundled up on the couch with a fluffy blanket awaiting her loves return, she found herself scrolling mindlessly on instagram.

When your current boyfriend has exes in the like of Kendall Jenner, cara delavine and Camille Rowe it’s often hard not to feel worse compared to them, curiosity took y/n over and she clicked on Camille’s instagram page, she was greeted with selfies, pictures of events she’s been too, her with her friends and various other things, her beautiful eyes, her shiny long hair, her model figure, she was straight out of a magazine.

Suddenly all of y/n’s work felt pointless, no matter what she would always be compared to these fashionable girls, that familiarity hits her once again.

She set her phone down and focused on the Tv in-Front of her and fell deeper into her fluffy blanket she was cuddling.

Without a word of exchange H joins her back on the sofa, sits next to the girl and guides her legs to his lap, allowing his fingers to gently trace over her shins and ankles.

“I love you” she says eyes remaining glued to the screen.

His movements stop and he turns his head to her.

“I love you too”

The night was slowly closing and the couple slowly started there evening routine.

Y/n was in there shared bathroom going through with her skincare before bed, a million thoughts popped up at once, she didn’t know if It was her anxiety or just her clear overthinking tendencies

Y/n glanced in the mirror, all she saw was all imperfections, she couldn’t even compare to Taylor swift or Kendall Jenner in anyway shape or form.

“Baby Y’alright?” Harry asked from the other side of the door.

She quickly tapped her phone to see the time just to realise she’s spent nearly an hour locked in the bathroom.

“Yeah baby m’now Coming out” she said shaking the train of though out of her head.

Silent tears roll down her face.

Him. He was so amazing in everything he did. His voice was safe. His words were so comforting. The thought of him not being around her terrified the shit out of her.

— — — — —

Part 2 coming soon!

Hopefully you all like this! There will be a part 2 as I don’t want this to be a really long fic, because I have many ideas what I want done with this!!! 🤎

[mageofseven]

MC Talking about Trauma they Experienced (Luce, Dia, Satan, Beel & Belphie)

Edit: this has been in my drafts for a while now. I started this one day when my depression was really bad and this was actually very therapeutic to write.

However, I got super emotionally exhausted from it and sort of abandoned it and since then, I've been debating whether to finish it, delete it, or post it as is.

After some thinking, I decided to add another character or so to the post and then post it.

Please, please check the trigger warnings below and do not read anything you can't handle.

Please protect yourself and always check for trigger warnings.

Now everything below this message is what I wrote originally that night.

Stay safe and if you do still read this, thank you for your time!~

~~~~~~~~~~

I wanted to write this because it's been on my mind; I'm autistic so I tend to have zero filter and over share things, but often in a nonchalant way, like I'm telling you about a cat I saw outside and not about things I talk to my therapist about on a weekly basis.

Basically, this is a post where MC shares bad memories (whether in an upset or nonchalant way) and we see how the Boys react.

So like, angst ahead, but the kind that might hit too close to home for some people.

I'll keep it all below the cut so you don't have to read anything potentially triggering for you if don't want to.

TW: physical abuse, emotional manipulation, child abuse, alcoholism, parents with anger issues

•▪︎▪︎◇°●♡●°◇▪︎▪︎•

Lucifer:

"MC, we're not having that for dinner for the 4th night this week."

"But...what will I eat then?"

The man sighed.

"I don't know. I'll have to figure something out." He told them. "Honestly, meal planning would be a lot easier without your food sensitivities."

The human stared into space, mind seemingly far away.

Lucifer raised an eyebrow before stepping closer.

"MC? Is something wrong, Love?"

"I'm remembering the time my mom slapped me on the face at a community barbeque in front of everyone there because she wasted money on buying me a ticket for an event without any food I could eat; I ran away and hid so I could cry and hyperventilate without people judging me."

His eyes widened.

"When did this happen?"

The human shrugged.

"I dunno. A few years back." They guessed. "I didn't get to have any food at all that day because my mom was so mad at me."

Lucifer took their hand and squeezed it.

"Well, you aren't with your mother anymore." The man smiled bitterly before adding. "I suppose we could just order pizza for tomorrow's dinner."

"No peppers? No olives?" The human asked, surprised.

"No peppers, no olives." He nodded.

"No iguana eyes? No anglerfish lantern?"

"None." He promised, despite knowing Beel's disappointment at the last two toppings not being on the pizza.

MC smiled and squeeze their boyfriend's hand back.

"Thank ya, Luce~"

The man's smile became softer.

He made a mental note to ask for Barbatos' help with finding more foods his Love can eat, but for now, the demon just didn't want MC thinking back on such horrible memories.

Like always, Luce just wanted to treat his Love how they deserved and not how they've always been treated.

Diavolo:

The two were discussing the prince's relationship with his currently deep-slumbering father.

It wasn't a topic Dia liked to speak about, but as his relationship with MC deepened, he found himself confiding in her with things he used to avoid discussing.

"...so in fairness, maybe we were never going to be close, considering the circumstances."

MC looked away, tears in their eyes.

"My Queen..." Diavolo brought his hand to their cheek. "Forgive me, I didn't mean to upset you with this."

MC shook their head.

"No, its not you." They told their boyfriend. "I just...I kinda relate in a a way..."

The prince brought the human into arms before kisskng their forehead.

"I can tell you have something in mind to share; you can share it with me."

MC was quiet for a moment before nodding.

"Once when I was a kid, we had a speaker come to class to teach us about child abuse. They handed out these pamphlets and explained to us that if our parents do any of the stuff that we talked about that day then we could call a number in the pamphlet..."

The demon tightened his embrace around them, not liking where this story was headed.

"I...I remember learning that a lot of stuff my parents did to me and my siblings was bad," They continued. "So I went home and told my parents that a speaker came to school and he told me that if they keep doing bad things and mistreat me that I could call the number on the paper..."

The human's tears fell down their cheeks, followed by Dia kissing them away.

"My Queen..."

"Ya know what they said to me?" They asked rhetorically. "They said 'Do it. I dare you'. Told me those people would take me and my siblings away, put us in foster care and split us up. That I would never see them or my brother or sister or my grandparents or anyone that I loved ever again...and told me they wouldn't even care, that they could just 'make another just like me' and that I would be responsible for my siblings' and my own suffering while my parents would just be happy to get rid of me."

The prince pulled MC into a tighter embrace as they cried.

"I wanted a good relationship with my parents so badly, but how do you become close with people who tell you at such a young age that you are replaceable and a burden they didn't even want?"

"You don't." He said softly in their ear as he stroked their hair. "Your parents were miserable people who never deserved having you as their child; they made sure of that."

The man leaned back to look them in the eyes.

"My Queen...I'm sorry you went through that. Please remember that you didn't deserve it though."

MC nodded.

"I...I know. Logically anyway...but it doesn't feel true, ya know?"

"Oh MC..."

Diavolo took the rest of the day off work, regardless of any urges or reminders from Barbatos.

This man wanted so desperately to comfort his beloved and heal the hole in her heart.

Still, the man knew there was not much he could do for the latter; this was just something his Queen had to work through on their own.

That wasn't going to stop this man from showering them love and reminding them just how perfect and sweet they are to him.

Satan:

Satan had gotten into an argument with Lucifer, resulting in one of his fits of rage.

They were so rare now of days; this was essentially the oldest bringing up the wrong thing at the wrong time and pushed it too far

Causing Satan to destroy half of the living room and the two 'brothers' screaming at one another.

This went on for a while till the two men noticed the human in the corner hyperventilating.

That knocked the blonde out of his anger real quick as he raced to their side.

Lucifer allowed the argument to pause for now, considering the human's condition, and so left them be.

Eventually, MC calmed down enough and launched themself into their boyfriend's arms.

"I'm sorry..." He spoke softly into their ear. "I shouldn't have lost control like that...especially in front of you."

MC shook their head within his arms before sniffling.

"It's not you..." They mumbled. "When the crashing started...I-I just...I didn't see you...I didn't see House of Lamentation..."

"What do you mean, Kitten?" He stroked their hair before pulling back to meet their eyes.

"I...I was in my head." They explained. "It reminded me of a time when I was a kid...my dad was drunk and got angry at my little brother. I...didn't see what happened, but I heard curses and crashes and my brother begging him to stop...and I didn't save him. I didn't save him. I hid in the kitchen and sobbed with my arms over my head, begging for him to stop in my mind but not being able move or even speak..."

"Kitten..." Satan hugged them tightly to his chest again. "You're not there; you're here with me and you're safe."

"But my brother--"

"You would have just gotten hurt too." He told them. "You were a child just trying to to survive. It's not your fault."

"But--"

"It's not your fault." He repeated.

This time, the human just closed their eyes and hung their head.

Satan picked them up and carried the human to their room; the...scare, I guess you could call it, had really tired his partner out.

He laid his Kitten on their bed and kissed their forehead.

Satan vowed to never himself lose control in front of them ever again.

Even if this time it had less to do with what he did and more about something they experienced long ago, the wrath demon needed to keep himself in check so he never brought such bad memories to his Kitten's head again.

Beel & Belphie:

The human went on a walk with the twins and, as per usual, Beel made a stop at Madam Screams to get a few dozen pastries.

Beel carried all of the bags of sweets himself and, no matter how often MC saw him carry so much food and never drop any of it, it still amazed the human.

"Dang, that's even more than yesterday..." Belphie commented. "Did you already spend all of your grimm this month?"

"Almost." The gluttony shrugged, still not dropping a single bag.

Suddenly, MC's steps slowed till they were frozen in place.

"-C? MC?" Belphie called to them.

The human slowly raised their gaze up at the men.

"You okay, Muffin?" Beel asked, concern evident on his face.

MC nodded.

"I was remembering one of the fights my parents had when I was a little kid." They explained calmly. "My dad spent over a $1,000 at the bar in a week 'cause he kept buying his friends drinks. Mama told him that he can't keep doing that because they were barely able to put food on the table as things were; Dad yelled at her for telling him what to do and Mom yelled back that she hopes he ends up dead in a ditch somewhere--what?"

The human was genuinely confused by the two demons, who stared at her with a mix of shock and pity.

Belphie shook his head.

"Let's just get home, butthead."

And with that, both twins wrapped an arm around them protectively

Causing Beel to drop two of his bags.

Still, the tallest demon never looked back as he and his brother took their human home, a place where hopefully better memories will come to their mind.

[spikeandset]

Please please please!! - Oikawa

Master list

Chapter 6: coffee shop 🩷

Waiting you smile to yourself as you touch up the makeup you’d done earlier that morning. It’s been a while since you’ve been on a date, let alone allow a guy to come and pick you up for one. Smiling when you get that ‘I’m here!’ Text you stand up and walk to the door, going to his car with a smile.

“Hi! How was the gym?” You ask Toru with a smile as you buckle yourself in.

“Sweaty” he laughs out as he smiles at you, focusing on the road, “how are things going?”

“Good….just got frustrated trying to write my next album so I figured something like this could be a good distraction” You explain, earning an understanding nod.

The car ride was full of small talk, favorite color, how are your friends, the weather has been nice lately. Pulling up to the shop you smile, it was a cute and quiet shop, seemingly far away from people who would know who you guys are. You grin, for once you can act like you’re not famous just get to enjoy something.

“This is perfect.” You smile at him as you both get out of the car and walk in.

Toru seemed to be extra careful to open the door for you, and nodded to you to walk in, which made the heat rise to your cheeks a little.

“Oh, thank you! You’re too sweet!” You smile at him as you walk in.

Ordering your drink and a pastry, you pull out your card to pay when you feel Torus hand gently push it down, “I’ve got it!” He smiles at you.

“Are you sure? Really?” You ask, practically melting on the spot. It’s been a while since someone had treated you properly, so basic decency almost always had you head over heels.

“Beyond sure. If you really wanna pay you can get our next date.” He says with a wink and you just laugh a little and hit his shoulder.

Sitting down with your drinks and food, you couldn’t believe this was happening on a whim.

“So, you’re a singer, as a singer what kind of music do you listen to?” Toru asks with a smile, “is it like just all your friends or do you not know everyone?”

“Actually I really am not super close with a lot of musicians because of the falling out I had with Hitoka because of Atsumu. She kind of ruined a lot of relationships I had in this industry. But, I do really like Asahi’s music, it’s so raw, the amount of willpower it’s taking me to not get a ‘Call your mom’ tattoo right here.” You say and point to your inner arm, “I would want it in my mom’s handwriting too.” You explain

“Really? I don’t really listen to him but I think I’ll have to start, that’s really cool his music means that much to you. I only know Stick Season, and I like it but who doesn’t like that song?” He laughs, “I mostly listen to old rock or some rap, but I’ve been getting more into pop.” He explains

The rest of the date went similarly to the average conversations about your pets, siblings, parents, and other big dreams you have until towards the end.

“So if you don’t mind explaining what like went down with Hitoka, I remember the headlines but I was filming so I couldn’t really catch up.” Toru asks curiously

You take a deep breath, knowing this was going to take you out a little. He should know, and you know that, he has a right to if he’s going to date you he should know the risks.

“Well you know Atsumu right?” He nods, “okay well I’d known him since we were kids and he asked me to hang out with him, you know the drill we start dating. Apparently him and Hitoka hadn’t broken up when he told me that they had. Hitoka was so angry at me for ‘stealing’ him that when she finally let me explain she told me she could never forgive me. I was ridiculed, sent death threats all that fun stuff. That’s where because I liked a boy came from….I try to write my feelings out, sometimes it works, others it doesn’t.”

Toru just sort of nods, almost in awe that you shared that story, but you’d started to get nervous.

“Toru? Sorry did I go too crazy?” You ask as he shakes his head.

“No no! It’s just….wow I can’t believe that. I thought Atsumu was an okay guy, I’m probably gonna unfollow him later now.” He says as he gets up, offering his arm to you.

Standing up you grab it and walk back to the car. It was safe to say that there likely would be a second date, and you had some material to write about finally.

Call your mom by Noah Kahan 💜

Stick season by Noah Kahan 💜

Because I liked a boy by Sabrina Carpenter 💜

Taglist: @sereniteav @daisy-room @sachirobabe

@jojo23allegra

There’s no socials in this chapter cause I feel like it helped the story, plus who doesn’t want a fluffy little coffee date 😊🫶

[my-castles-crumbling]

I think we just went on a date? Maybe?

I’m a little confuffled to be honest. Also, is confuffled not a word? For some reason i really thought it was. Doesn’t matter though, the point is, I think me and Daisy might’ve just gone on a date. 

Oh yeah, it’s Purple anon btw.

So it’s like 11:30pm where I am now, and I spent the latter part of the afternoon and then the evening with her and now i’m lying in bed something just hit me.

We hang out a lot. Last year, when I came out to my parents, it got awkward. I got mad they didn’t accept me and they got mad that I was doing this to them when they’ve been so perfect to me, and so I decided not to go with them on our family holiday. I thought a bit of space would do us good. 

Usually, when we go on a family holiday my dad takes me to arcades. No matter how old you are, you should always love an arcade. But I haven’t been to one in a while, since I skipped out on the holiday and it felt dumb to travel to somewhere just for an arcade. 

Anyway, i’ve been stressed with revision and last week Daisy had asked me to make sure i was free this evening for something she had planned she wanted to do with me. That’s not uncommon of course. So today, at 4, we left our place and she took me to this park we love to go to. She used to try and feed the ducks here, but she took me once and I told her off for feeding them bread. I bought her duck food and now every four months or so we go out and feed the ducks. 

(I made enemies with this swan though- it’s a long story).

So, we fed the ducks and then she dragged me on this train, kinda far, to this city. Where she’d found an arcade. An arcade with all the games I love playing. (A mix of old fashioned arcade games like pac-man, skill games like mini-basketball, and childish two-pence machines- gotta have them all). 

I had the best night. It was amazing. 

(I won a bunch of tickets and got her this cute bear she’d been eying since we walked in… she blushed and got all cute). 

And then after we’d been there a while she took me to this restaurant i’ve been craving recently (it’s a chain and the one near us closed down recently, I must’ve mentioned missing it). 

The funny thing is I don’t even remember telling her I missed the arcade. That I really wanted something to calm me down at the moment, and that I wanted something silly like an arcade. 

It didn’t occur to me until I got in the shower once we were home, like an hour ago, and thought about the day. Not only did she notice all the things I missed, and tried (and succeeded) to make me this lovely day to cheer me up, but… it wasn’t exactly like we usually do things. 

Maybe i’m reading too much into it, it’s probably dumb to think she’d be into me anyway. It’s just, I like to think i’m observant (I got A and her partner together- and they were being STUPID- also the fact that she actually wrote you? Sneak, didn’t even tell me she had some old tumblr account) and I thought it felt different than usual.

But it’s stupid. It was weird cause I had the most fun i’ve had in a while and I felt really at ease, in a way I haven’t really when it comes to things to do with my parents lately. 

I know you said i’m “going to have to face their lack of acceptance for me at some point” and knowing A she probably told you my family are assholes or something, and you’re probably both right. 

Logically I know the way they’re treating me isn’t right. But I don’t know what the right way for me to treat them is? 

They’re still my support system. I still call my mum when i’m sad and my dad when i’ve broken something. And if I blow up on them now, they might not come back. I don’t know if i’m ready to be… alone. 

At least in that regard. 

But I don’t know, since i’ve been talking about it recently. With you, and A. It’s made me look out for it I guess. Have you seen heartstopper before? You know when Charlie and Nick have cute little moments and the little artsy flowers and leaf’s flow around them, and there’s little sparks in the air, it was like that.

Except maybe it was only like that for me. Maybe she didn’t feel anything at all. 

And my aunt, my mum told her about me when I came out to my parents. My mum basically just told the whole family. I thought she’d be cool since she’s a lot more modern than my parents. But she said to me i’d fuck up all my friendships and ruin my future if I jumped to conclusions and got crushes on my friends. Her husband, my uncle, he said it was assault, to view them like that. 

I don’t even think I view them like anything, you know, given i’m demi I barely even think about sex with people, so I guess it says something about where his head goes. 

And no matter how many times I have this conversation with people, they always end it saying they know only a man will fall in love with me and me with him and eventually I will “do it right”. 

I don’t know if I have a James Potter in me to channel, to be honest. But A, she always tells me that my doubts come from people whose opinions I know are wrong, so I should try and remember her words when i’m freaking out. Given she’s always right and all (at least that’s what she claims). 

So I don’t know, is it weird if I ask Daisy if it was a date? A very small part of me thinks it was supposed to be and I missed the memo. 

And if that’s the case then I really kinda suck.

ALSO DID I MENTION SHE HELD MY HAND!!!

I can hide my emotions damn well but the one thing I cannot hide is my blush, it’s very annoying. We were walking from the arcade and chatting about how much fun it was, she was picking a name for that bear I won her, and she laced our fingers together. 

SEE! Date behaviour right? Plus, the restaurant was quiet and she seemed happy and kinda nervous the whole time.

But what if i’m wrong? She’s a touchy person, maybe she just wanted contact. 

She’ll be so weirded out if I ask and then i’m wrong and it’ll be like- like my parents are right and i’m the weird one, like they say I am, bothering my friends and pressuring them. 

I don’t know. God I feel like i’m just shoving a bunch of shit on you now. It shouldn’t feel like this, because writing about Daisy, it’s easy, she’s beautiful and funny and adorable and literally the kindest person I know, but as soon as I try and explain how i’m feeling, my parents come up and then i’m suddenly being weird.

I guess that says something huh? Shit, maybe I need therapy. 

Ugh, who has the time though? “Therapy is for the weak hearted” - a quote courtesy of my parents. Though then again i’m not supposed to listening to them, am I? Damn, it’s like living on a seesaw in my mind or something, always going back and forth.

(also i’m totally half way thru a breakdown cause i just spent like 3 min searching up the word jigsaw again and again cause it felt wrong… before I remembered they’re called seesaws… so yeah)

AHHHHH the update I've been waiting for! Okay.

Hahaha yeah, A wrote to me. We're conspiring to get you together with Daisy :D

As far as your family....family is hard. I think it's possible for them to love you AND be homophobic assholes. I think it's possible for you to have had a great childhood AND not be supported now. But I just feel like you need to work on accepting that they're not as perfect as they seem, because if you don't, you might miss out on an opportunity to be with Daisy.

Okay, I need you to read this so carefully. If this wasn't a date, I need to seriously reevaluate so many things in my own life. Because YES this was a date.

Ask her. Ask her if it was a date!!! Please!!

(Also therapy=good. Ignore what your parents said.)

[dragynkeep]

(Sorry for dragging this topic back but) I don’t think Taiyang is abusive. However, I’m personally annoyed with how flippantly the show treats Taiyang’s parenting because its so half assed [how they depict it], me thinks. Granted, I haven’t watched past Volume 3, so that might be coloring my perception and I don’t have all the details, but it would have been so much better showing the effects of Yang taking care of Ruby at a young age, and Ruby being taken care of by someone literally 2 years older than her, with Taiyang absent and Qrow presumably away a lot.

Firstly, the show is way too ambiguous with it. How does Ruby feel about it? How does Qrow? Hell, does Taiyang ever talk to Yang about that? Is there even some sort of “sorry I was kind of out of it in your formative years” “Hey, don’t worry about it, since you’re here now and I know you’re doing your best and I’m glad we’re talking about it now”???

What did Yang have to do to help? Did she have to make Ruby’s breakfast and/or her own? Did she have to take her to and from school? Help her get showered? Clean their room? Wash their clothes? Could this tie into Yang’s recklessness and supposed overprotectiveness? Was there a babysitter? How much does Qrow contribute to their household and in what way(s)? What would have let Taiyang leave a cabin of two kids in/near the woods in a world where creatures like Grimm exist (was someone supposed to be watching them, did Tai have an emergency, did he just up and fucking leave, how long was he gone, was Qrow there, etc)? I know some of these are uncharitable perspectives but we aren’t getting any details and this stuff happens far more often than people think.

It just hits too close to my own home situation, where my mom would literally be in the house and not help with chores or talk to us much, but just stay in her room on hours long calls with her neighbor while adultifying my older sister, because my mom was also an adultified first born girl and refuses to deal with that, and seeing the show just drop this plot point without explaining how we got from Taiyang being sad to Taiyang being Best Dad (TM) is actually triggering to me.

I think another reason why people don’t like Taiyang is the same reason why people don’t like Ozpin, and that’s because the show gives these nonsensically contradicting traits or moments or descriptions, and its so confusing that its easier to do the time-old RWBY fan manouver and just tweak each scene to how you originally percieved the character.

Is Ozpin a manipulative shadow leader or a tragic figure who just wanted to help the world? I dunno, the show’s too busy trying to get people mad about BIIIIIIRDS to actually deal with either the fact that Ozpin willingly sent a bunch of first years to a third year mission to stop terrorists who then cause The Breach, or the fact that Salem abused him.

Is Taiyang a parent genuinely trying his best or a neglectful jerk who can’t even see his kids at the Vytal Tournament? I dunno, I know literally nothing about this man except he shows up at the ass end of Volume 3 and start of Volume 4, and any meaningful description of what he might be as a parent is muddled by the fact that his kids love him but he invites Peter the creepy teacher and tricked Qrow into wearing a skirt because “MaN sKiRt FuNnY”. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel about him, there’s really both too much and too little going on with him.

honestly agree, & this seems to be a consistent problem with a lot of peripheral characters like the parents where we're told one thing & shown another. the belladonnas are another excellent example of it where like, we're told they're amazing parents & they love blake more than anything but also didn't do anything when she ran away to a supposed terrorist organization, exposed her to violent protests as a child, told her it was her job to tame violent men around her as a woman, & allowed her to blame herself for all the trauma she's carried for years.

shown one thing, told another. should be rwby's motto really.

[fashionablyenigmatic]

Cadmus Christmas Carol Pt.2

"So, you are the ghost of Christmas past, right?"

"Yule past."

"SAME THING." Cadmus barked, still a little miffed about the ghost's appearance by his bedside, looking like a child who came into their parents' room to report they'd thrown up. "Look, I'm sorry, but I'm in no need for whatever this is going to be. So, if you wouldn't mind leaving me alone and finding an actual evil billionaire to mess with, that would be awesome. I heard Elon Musk recently kicked a puppy, so if you would please go-"

"I'm not going anywhere, and for someone who can read minds, you are quite oblivious. Do I not look familiar at all to you?" The ghost of Yule past said, glaring at Cadmus with bright green eyes.

"Yeah, a little. You look like Shirley Temple. I don't know who told you curls were in, but they-."

"I'M YOU, IDIOT!" The ghost interrupted, now agitated.

"I...Uh...oh, forces..." Cadmus sat down on the side of his bed. "I completely forgot how stupid I used to look... Thank God Dad never made me learn tap dancing like he did with Bennie. I would have never lived it down," he added, giving the ghost a look of disdain.

"Is this how you should treat your four-year-old self? Tying them to a lamp and mocking them?" The ghost asked, holding up the magical bonds, still waiting to be freed.

"Well, yeah, as a matter of fact, I do," Cadmus replied, tipping his wand in a downward motion and releasing the binding spell.

Cadmus found himself in a familiar place, and the first thing that hit him was the smell of hot, greasy food under heat lamps. He opened his eyes and realized he was in an Uncle Jeffy's. What surprised him even more was his attire—he was still in his black silk pajamas but now sported a nightcap instead of his usual horns. "What the-" He waved a hand over his head and tried to pull off the cap, only to yelp in pain. "OW! Where are my horns?"

"Oh, those were ugly, so I turned them into a cap," the ghost stated simply.

Cadmus went to reach for his wand, but it, too, was gone. "Where's my wand now!?"

The ghost smiled mischievously. "Ohh, that old thing? You must have left it behind in your opulent cave. Oops! Now, pay attention. Where are we?"

Cadmus glared at the ghost. "Uncle Jeffy's Buffet. A cheap place, but they had good food. Stan used to take me here a lot when I was young, usually when I had a bad day," he explained with a hint of nostalgia.

He immediately looked over to the booth at the far end of the restaurant. It was nearly evening, and the parking lot outside had a fading blue hue. Stan had often chosen this corner booth because it allowed him to keep an eye on anyone entering, and it was an added bonus that the self-serve coffee machine was close by. But what caught Little Cadmus's attention was a particular tree just outside the window behind Stan. It was gnarled and strange-looking.

"Here they come," came the voice of the younger Cadmus as he saw two fat vultures swoop down from the high power lines to land among the gnarled branches, scattering the smaller birds that called the tree home. The four-year-old let out a high-pitched laugh, breaking Stan from his thousand-yard stare. Stan turned to look at Cadmus and gave a small smile before turning his head to see the vultures. "They must like you," he said gruffly.

"Yeah!! They come here every time I'm here!" Little Cad giggled in response, to which Stan nodded. Stan was wearing his Chief of Police uniform, which looked a bit wrinkled and had some small blood stains. It was evident that the day had been rough on him, and this observation wasn't missed by the small child.

"Did you have a bad day, Stan?" Little Cad asked with genuine concern.

"Well, my line of work is tough, Cadmus, but there's nothing I can't handle," Stan replied, though it was clear that he was downplaying the challenges he faced. The four-year-old understood this and wisely chose not to push further.

"My day was rough too," the boy commented, steering the conversation toward the reason Stan had brought Cadmus to Uncle Jeffy's in the first place. "My friend Marcus lied to me a lot today. He kept saying one thing but thinking another." Cadmus poked at his mac 'n' cheese thoughtfully. "I know Dad told me to try and block out the thoughts of others, but it's hard. I need to know! And I know the teachers don't like me because they are scared of me. Anyway, that's why I was crying when you picked me up from preschool," the boy explained, his pout conveying his frustration.

Stan listened attentively, his expression filled with understanding as Little Cad continued sharing his concerns.

Stan understood where Cadmus was coming from, given his own ability to detect lies. He took a moment to digest his thoughts before offering some sage advice. "Sometimes you gotta let someone lie, though, kid. You can't always call them out. But never doubt your gut, and don't let them pull the wool over your eyes," Stan said simply. "I think you'll figure out soon when a lie is meant to be harmful, like with Marcus, for instance. When he lied to you, what was he lying about?" he asked.

This was when little Cadmus brightened a little. "I said I wanted to play Legos, and he said he did too, but he really wanted to play Nintendo," he replied.

Stan smiled a little. "Well, he may have been thinking he wanted to play Nintendo, but I think more so that he wanted to hang out with you. Otherwise, why play Legos at all?"

Little Cadmus smiled and took another bite of his mac 'n' cheese, seemingly satisfied with Stan's response. The two of them enjoyed their meal together, the past echoing with moments of warmth and understanding.

[tetsunabouquet]

My most recent horror painting, Let Them Eat Cake. Now, I know there are worse places to be right now in the world, but I do want to spread awareness about the DRF- Dutch royal family. In Europe, the Netherlands is amongst the countries who were struck the hardest by the econominal crisis in the pandemic. We actually have the worst inflation rate inside of the EU. Months ago, it already reached the heights of children fainting publically in places like classrooms because of malnutrition and it's reached the point where people are striking up conversations about having cafeterias at school. We never had those before, because the Netherlands is such a small country so a lot of us live nearby school or we have a friend who does. It's normal in our culture to leave school grounds for lunch to go eat at home and its not even that strange if you eat lunch over at your best friend's house if you live too far. As I mentioned before in my ramblings about the school I live next to, their vandalism is caused precisely because they are allowed to leave school grounds and they often cause ruckus at the local supermarket because once you hit secondary school stage your parents will let you buy your own lunch if its close to a grocery store. Which brings me to the horrors of the Dutch royals. Some royal families like the British have taken the classy move of trying to make the royal family cost the public less money like selling off the Queen's horses. All the whilst being an actual tourist attraction. The Dutch royal family, is the only one I know off, that has the sickening audacity to ask for more money. All the whilst being nobodies who don't actually earn the country any extra money. I mean, remember how I mentioned our king's Argentinian wife before? She attended a foreign political event with our Prime Minister a couple of years ago and journalists literally mistook her for his girlfriend despite being a queen. Regarding her, she is the daughter of Jorge Zorreguieta, you know the minister back during the Argentinian dictatorship? He wasn't invited to the royal wedding because it would cause a political scandal, and she even admitted in an interview that she liked being in power or something along those lines years ago. Yet because of pretty privilige, the general public has never treated her like the walking red flag she is. And that is only the tip of the iceberg. I could rant for ages about the brat that is Amalia. IDC that she's in her late teens. She got to have her 18th birthday during the pandemic because their 'palace backyard was spacious enough for social distancing', insulted over a third of the country when she stated she prefers dating German boys as our men are rude and got one of her daddy's friends to kick out his family so the historical fancy building could be used for her and her friends so she could have the average college experience- when an average college experience could just as easily have been achieved to move in with her cousin Countess Eloise who's also studying in the city. How many college students can afford such an expensive building in Amsterdam? That ain't an average college experience- that's being a rich pampered daddy's girl. My cousins shared a flat when they went to college in the same time. That's what being an average college student is. She had to move out of that building because of the number of death threats she got, and whilst the King and Queen coddle her and sulk to the TV about how they fear for their daughter, all I can say is; "DUH. With how pampered she is in these current times, what else did you expect? More and more average citizens are looking at Amalia's overweight, designer clad body and thinking they could have fed their family for a week with the money she consumnes and wears in a day."

[soullikethesea]

Drawing the circle to a close. (Under cut for length).

It's what I've always wanted. I always wanted to learn how to treat others - still learning even now, of course.

But there is a difference.

I distinctly remember a car ride when I told my dad that I would be a very good parent, because my horse riding instructor told me that I was very strict (which was good). I was around seven years old. My dad said that the most important thing is to be nice to your children, which was an answer I couldn't make sense of.

At some point I transferred to a different riding school and I got my first taste of a different kind of world. I had been taught to be harsh to horses, "because you have to show them who's boss when they don't want to listen!" But in this school they taught me something that was actually much more valuable: if a horse doesn't listen, it's likely because it's not clear what you are asking.

They showed me how horse riding could be done in a much kinder way. Bitless, with cooperation and fun. My new teacher also never screamed at me. It was honestly life-changing... it made such a big impression. I think it played a big role in starting to shift my world-view. Maybe children didn't need to be presumed bad, maybe they had just misunderstood something. Maybe there is a possibility for kindness.

I was around 16 when I started to think about not having kids, because I don't think it would be the responsible thing to do. I don't think that it's likely that I can pull it off. Not in a way that wouldn't pass on the generational trauma.

But I did know that I needed to learn about kids. That was glaringly obvious to me, even just in the way that I would freeze whenever I saw a child cry. So I started volunteering at Summer Camps, teaching horse riding. On the one hand I was very kind to them, but I still had absolutely no clue on how to handle any possible emotions. Oof.

Then eventually I started teaching something as a side-job (still doing that) and that has taught me so so so much about how to handle kids and groups. So many difficult kids. I've been hit and growled at, blatantly and deliberately misunderstood. I've seen so many crying kids, fearful kids, angry kids, provocative kids... but also SO many happy kids. I have actually ended up with a much clearer idea of what it looks like when conditions are SAFE. Warmth, exploration, play, boundaries. All of it. Teaching from the heart.

(I had a much harder time when I had another side-job as somewhat of a counselor for troubled kids. That was too far out of my WoT and too triggering).

But that aside... we get to my current job, which also has to do with teaching. I've been getting a bunch of feedback and it makes me SO happy. It's all about warmth AND boundaries. So much about being helpful and kind. (Oh, and some said that I was "Cool!" and that is obviously my life-goal). My colleague said that I have natural authority, in a didactic way. You guys... this is such a big deal. My father lost his job as a teacher in a big scandal, when students gathered stories about really awful and triggering things he had done in class. It was all meant to provoke deeper thinking, but it deeply hurt many, many people and took years for it to come out. I know what it's like. It's what I endured as a child at home. But can you imagine how cool it is that I am NOT like that???

So that makes it feel as though things have come full-circle, even though I'm not a parent.

(You absolutely rock if you managed to read all of this).

[losing-loser]

Sewerslide tw under the cut but I need to vent

This year has been a trainwreck so far. My aunt died. Someone I used to be really close with and still cared about died. I had a couple meltdowns. I've been rapid cycling. I lost weeks of my life. I bought a car. I got triggered and quit my REALLY good job with only $500 in my bank account (bc I spent all my money on dumb shit during hypomanic episodes), I paid my drug dealer's $400 electric bill on a whim on the promise that she'd "get me back" when I know she fucking won't. I can't find a job (I mean it's only been 5 days since I quit, but I never don't have a job so it feels like 5 years). The rational part of me knows that it usually takes more than 5 days to find a new job, but I also can't help but think that my former job is sabotaging me telling people I walked out even though it's food service and everything I've applied to is food service and unless it's high end fuck if they check references or call up your old job.

I'm too scared to tell my parents. I still owe my dad $650 and he doesn't know that I sold the car he paid cash for 3 years ago or that I quit my job. I told my mom about the car but she and my step dad essentially mocked my episode and acted like I was using it as an excuse to "treat myself".

I'm so fucked. I'm so fucked. I wanna slit my wrists but I'm always really bad at it do any lethal damage. I can only ever hit styro at the worst and then I usually pass out since I'm drunk while doing it. But right now...I've been drinking. I haven't eaten and I've been drinking a lot. I don't have any oxy, and I know from the past that my tolerance is too high for alcohol and oxy to work. But I have a BUNCH of nausea meds that are actually promethazine. I feel like if I took them while still drinking I could just...go to sleep. And with any luck, I wouldn't have any problems anymore. I wouldn't be mentally ill anymore.

But I never have any luck. I'm too much of a coward and I never do it right. Even when I could so easily make it look like an accident. With all my allergies? Maybe I accidentally ate or drank something I'm allergic to and tried to just sleep it off? It wouldn't be so far-fetched, it's definitely something I would do.

But again, I'm too much of a coward.

Who would take care of my cat? She's 10 years old and I've had her since she was 11 weeks old. Tbh I'm not sure how much I really care about how my family would feel, but no one knows how to take care of my cat like I do. And I'm not fucked up enough to let anything happen to her.

[bshmatthews]

Still thinking about that post on resilience. And the way a lot of young people think they can never change.

By the time I was in my mid 20s I was kinda a mess. I had untreated ADHD and sporadically-treated depression and debilitating anxiety. I'd flunked out of college. I struggled to hold down a job. I lived with my parents. I had no friends. I felt miserable about all of this and saw no way out. I thought I just doomed to be miserable forever.

I did have one thing that was an escape - roller skating. I liked skating around town and at the local roller rink, even though I was often the only adult there. It was a way to just turn my brain off for a while.

Then one day I was putting on my skates and a whole group of women my age, some even older, half of them covered in tattoos, strolled into the rink. I was waaaay too shy to approach any of them but I was fascinated. (Yes kinda like that scene in Whip It!!)

So I skated around like usual and just kinda watched these women skating surreptitiously for a while... Some of them honestly sucked at skating. Most were just okay. But there was this one skater who was INCREDIBLE!! I'd never seen anyone skate like her. She was just effortlessly doing all these amazing tricks and dance skating moves.

And then she skates up to ME and she says, "you're a good skater, you should join roller derby". I about died. I don't remember what I said except that it was negative - no I could never. But that night and a couple of the following sessions these roller derby women kept coming up to me and saying, "you should try it!"

I firmly believed I could not do it. I had terrible social anxiety. I specifically had issues around the idea of touching other people or having them touch me. Playing a full-contact team sport? That was just crazy. Never going to happen.

But K. (the amazing skater) said that if I went to practice, she'd teach me some of her tricks. And she said that nobody would do any contact for months, and only once everybody was ready.

So I said yes. I would try to go to a practice. I fully expected to quit before I actually had to hit anyone or do any teamwork. I'd just learn some new skills and then be done with it.

And those early practices were brutal. Not physically, for me, because I already had the basics, but emotionally. I often had panic attacks before or during practices. Random drills would bring up weird emotions (I didn't know why) and I would just have to leave the room for a while. I didn't socialize or try to make friends. At this point I just did not know how to do that.

Maybe it's wrong to say that the team was supportive of my issues because it's not like they went out of their way to accommodate me or whatever. I vaguely remember (this was like 12 years ago!) K. asking me privately how she should handle it when I had to leave to collect myself and I, absolutely mortified, told her to please ignore me as much as possible. And she did! And everyone else followed K.'s example. It was the best response as far as I was concerned.

And then one day, months later, it was time to do contact. I hadn't quit, because even with the panic attacks, I was having too much fun. But I was terrified. What if I accidentally hurt somebody? What if I hit somebody the wrong way and they didn't like it? What if I even just got too close to someone and they thought I was gross and I made them uncomfortable? That would truly be the end of the world.

I was so frozen with fear so long, the drill started before I could get out of the way! The skater I was partnered with hip checked me and I fell on my ass.

And I'm just sitting there on the floor and this shocked giggle comes out of my mouth and my partner starts giggling too.

And then I got up and I hit her! And she fell down! And we laughed again!

Turns out, hitting people is fun.

The panic attacks slowly began to happen less and less often. It took me a long time before I felt comfortable playing in a game - much longer than the other skaters I started with - but eventually I played for the home team and then even the travel team! I ended up getting the nickname "the wrecking ball" because I would take out multiple skaters with one hit. I even jammed in a travel game a couple times (for non-derby folks, the jammer is the one who scores points).

Roller derby really helped me learn that I could get better at things. Skating, for one, but also interacting with people and handling my emotions. Things that seemed impossible for me weren't actually impossible.

I started going to therapy and getting medication. I made friends. I tried dating (and realized I was ace). I went back to school. I remembered that school sucks and dropped out again. I started a new career that didn't require college and I kick ass at it. Twelve years later, I almost feel like a different person entirely from that despairing 25-year-old.

Anyway this post is super long so I'll try to get back to the point which is like, there are so many ways to change and grow in your life. It's okay to struggle with things and have to work harder at them than the other folks around you. That's how you get unstuck! Find the things that make that struggle worth it. I'm still finding new ways to grow in my late 30's, and I hope I never stop.

[iforgetmypasswordsdaily]

I love you. That’s no question. I am begging you to read this & give me a heartfelt response in some way. What I’m really coming to a head with is how you yell at Harper, smack the table etc & literally have her terrified. We have this issue almost daily, every week. She runs from you, covering her ears & is scared of you. I don’t know how much more I, as well as her, can take of it. I know I don’t talk the nicest either. But I am willing to work on that together with you. If you would just talk to her & tell her what you want her to do, even show her but make her do it, that’s so much more productive than scaring the hell out of her. Our parents did that to us & it IS Verbal Abuse that she WILL remember. I’ve been doing some research & I don’t want this for our family. I REALLY need you to work on this. It makes me want to pull away from you because of the anxiety I feel. I’m not supposed to feel like I have to watch her 24/7 around you. How can I live like that? How can I feel safe, in turn, making Harper feel safe? I’m more concerned about her emotional health than anything else. Including our marriage. I don’t want our marriage to suffer because I’m scared. I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want to have so much anxiety leaving her with you in fear of how much she’s going to be scared, crying & you not trying to just talk to her. She is 3. 3. THREE. She has emotions. She’s trying to develop & understand them. We can’t make her feel terrified of us. I can’t have it. I can’t parent like that. I can’t let her be treated like that. Yes, I may ask a few times then I get louder. But I don’t immediately scream at her the first time asking her or telling her XYZ. That’s just wrong. You NEVER take me seriously, not once & that really pisses me off. You say sorry to end the conversation. You mock me about it all. How am I supposed to feel about that? Inferior as hell is how I feel. Gaslit. Makes me feel cold towards you. Makes me not want to be as intimate with you because of how I feel you’re turning me against you. It makes me resentful & thats the last thing I want, is to feel these feelings towards my husband. It makes me so scared. Of how she will turn out. How she will fear you. Never want to be close to you growing up. That was my life with my Dad for 20 something years. What I wouldn’t give to have a Dad who didn’t hit me, who didn’t scream at me constantly. It’s very similar as far as the verbal abuse in the way you act with Harper. What I wouldn’t give to have been able to be a Daddy’s girl. I couldn’t even give him a Father Daughter dance at our wedding. I’m still hurt about how he treated me for so long. I wouldn’t wish that on my girls, ever. You can’t tell me you’d rather her fear you than love you. There’s no way you could actually want that. If so, why have a child? They aren’t our whipping girls. They are a blessing & you should at least try the patience route until you just can’t. It won’t make her weak. Or you. It will make her feel safe. That’s all I want …is her to feel safe. Not be fearful of you. I don’t want to be fearful of you. All of that said, you ARE a good father, you provide more than any man I’ve ever known & I know that deep down you CAN be softer towards her. You take her to Matt’s & I assume play with her. That’s good. I like that & I’m sure she does too. But I need more from you. Starting with Harper. I can put my emotional & physical needs from you on the back burner to make Harper feel safe.

But let me tell you something right now…

I am NOT dramatic.

I am NOT overreacting.

I am being a MOTHER.

And if you cannot respect that then we’ve got some deeper problems. I want the rest of my life with you. With the girls. But I do have a breaking point. We all do. I’ve tried hard to keep up with the house & feel better doing it. I know that’s not some huge thing, but it is for me. Next year, when Harper starts school I will get a job & be able to contribute more financially to help take some of the burden off you.

All I’m asking is to just read this. Take it to heart. Trust me when I say that I can only take so much. I don’t have anywhere to go if it ever came down to us splitting up, which I hope NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER happens & I hope that’s not a reason for you to take my concerns so lightly, knowing I’ve got nowhere to go.

I love you.

Harper loves you.

Believe it or not, Madi loves you too.

[zafirosreverie]

i have an idea wednesday addams meeting reader who has a melanie martinez, maybe fran bow aesthetic, or this tiktok account's aesthetic https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSedsmvSe/ (because pastels), and reader's family also has that type of aesthetic, addams and reader's family meet? i don't know if you take asks or requests but i just had an idea and i wanted to share it with the class

this is what I call a magnificent contribution !! Thanks for sharing it with the class, you have an A +

Also, thank you so much for letting me write for another fandom!! I hope you like this little fic <3

Devil likes pastel color (Platonic Wednesday x Fem!Reader)

“Hallo!” you smiled as you approached the black haired girl next to you. 

In the month you have been there, a lot of classmates have approached you, wanting to be your friends and making you feel welcomed, because a new girl in the school was always a rare but awesome thing, and you were so nice and lovely, the kind of person everyone would want around. 

Everyone, except Wednesday Addams. The girl wasn’t rude to you, she just didn’t talk or even see in your direction, which you respected. You find her fascinating, but after the first attempt to befriend her, where she commented on your “utterly horrible and eye burning clothes”, you stopped trying. You laughed it off, of course, but never bothered her again.

Too bad the teacher didn’t care about Wednesday’s wishes at all and paired you with her for the next project. Well, you could always try to make this a pleasant experience for both of you. Which would be easier if the girl would even look at you.

“How are you?” you tried again

She remained quiet. You started to feel a little awkward, but your parents taught you to be patient with people.

“So...what do you think we should do for our project?” you asked and smiled again. 

“We can see how long it takes a wolf to eat a small human” she finally answered. 

You were making progress!! Good! And this was something you actually knew about, so it was amazing! Too bad you didn’t hear the sarcasm in her voice, nor caught the hint about you being the small human. You totally missed her threat.

“Well, it depends. Wolves usually eat 3.3 pounds of meat per day, 22 if they’re starving. So, I’m guessing between 6 and 43 days, depending how angry is it” you smiled. 

Wednesday frowned and finally looked at you. You had listened about how she could make anyone fear her with only looking at them, but to you, it was a victory. If you were honest, she was the most interesting person you’ve ever met. 

“How much do you weigh?” she asked and raised an eyebrow.

This time, you understood the meaning and couldn’t help but giggle. She was so cute. 

“Enough to feed a growth wolf, that’s for sure” you said “But I doubt Akela would allow any other wolf near me” 

The other girl blinked and her whole posture changed. She even turned so she was fully facing you this time. Second point to you!

“You have a wolf?” she asked

“Oh yes, he’s such a good boy, always protecting us from people who get too close. I think he still has a hand on the basement. Not sure whom it belonged to. But don’t worry, he’s sweet with the people we like” you finished with a huge smile. 

By the way Wednesday’s face changed from annoyed to interested, you knew you had her full attention now.

_________________

“Can I help you?”

You smiled when a lovely tall lady in a black dress greeted you. It had been a month since that project you and Wednesday did and you two became good friends since then. Everyone at school thought it was odd, because you two were total opposites, but for you it only made your friendship even better! Besides, your pastel dresses always looked better with Wednesday’s black ones, you made each other stand out.

Yet, this was the first time you came to her house. At first, she said she’d prefer to work at your place because that way her younger brother wouldn’t bother you (even if the idea of Akela attacking Pugsley was tempting for her), but then it was just that she enjoyed the way you and your family treated her, 

Don’t get it wrong, deep inside she loved her strange family, but being the older (and better) child meant her parents would usually expect too much from her, and you were a single child, which meant you and your parents would give her all your attention. Besides, she discovered your parents were amazing. 

They shared your same pastel aesthetic, but also your creepiness. You weren’t cruel, far from that, in fact, she’d often find your manners and sweet talk too cloying for her taste, but there were times when a darker side of you would come out, usually if you were in trouble or danger, and those, those were her favorite moments. When you’d get all psycho and murder. She found it kind of cute.

There was only so much her parents could teach her, but your parents were still a box of surprises and she loved learning new ways of using knives, chains, poison or raising spiders. But after a month of getting to know you all, she decided it was time for you to meet her family too. 

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Addams” your mother said, with a big smile “We apologize for any inconvenience, we’re just here to leave our little princess”

The woman frowned but before she could say anything, a man with a funny mustache and a cigarette approached her from behind.

“And who are these people with a horrendous sense of fashion, cara mia?” he asked.

Your parents laughed and this time your father presented you all in a better way.

“We’re the Y/L/Ns. Our little princess here was invited to your lovely house” your father said.

“Mother, father” a voice came behind the Addams “I invited her”

You smiled when Wednesday approached you all with a small smirk. She never smiled the way you or your parents did, but her smirk was still a nice touch. It fit her. 

“This is Y/N, and her parents, Y/F/N and Y/M/N” the girl said.

This time, the Addams seemed to understand and opened their eyes in realisation. 

“Oh, so this is the girl you kept telling us about, dear Wednesday” the woman said “Our apologies, we weren’t expecting you to have such...tastes in clothes” she said.

You and Wednesday looked at each other and smirked. You two knew what her parents would think about your family’s aesthetic, it was the same the black-haired girl thought at first, but you had the hope that, just like their daughter, the Addams could see past the pastel color and build a good relationship with them. 

You knew your parents would at least try.

___________________

“I think nuts could cover the amoniac” you casually said “Mom could help us bake some cookies”

Wednesday didn’t look up from her book, but you could see her rolling her eyes and smirking. 

You were right, your parents and the Addams quickly got along despite the initial suspicion from the goth family. And now it was common for you to spend days and nights at the Addams mansion or them visiting your place (although this was less common, since they didn’t like to go out too much). It was like having a second family! But despite getting to know them all now, Wednesday was still yours and your parents’ favorite.

That’s why you were a little mad about the current topic. 

It wasn’t rare for people to call Wednesday a freak or other names, but it never bothered her. She knew who she was and didn’t let anyone unimportant affect her. But you were another story. You hated people who judged others only because of their looks, it didn’t matter if they called you pretty or wanted to be your friends only because you seemed nice, if they dared to disrespect Wednesday, they were automatically on your black list. 

But even then, it was a thing to call other people nasty names (which was still wrong, but you could ignore it), and another too different was to try to punch her (thank god she was strong and stopped their hand before it could hit her face). 

You tried to fight them, but Wednesday just picked you up (again, she was really strong) and pulled you out of there. Needless to say, it surprised everyone at school. Nobody thought that sweet Y/N could be so scary or that creepy Wednesday would be the calmed one. 

If only they knew it was like that 60% of the time. 

“Ok, ok, what about a tea party at my house and I accidentally let Akela out?” you asked and smiled when the wolf under Wednesday’s feet looked at you, ready to follow orders.

“We would have to clean the blood from the carpets” she said “besides, that kind of junk food could give him indigestion” she finished, caresing Akela’s head. 

“Fiiiiiiine” you pouted “but I still think the cookie are a good idea”

The black-haired girl didn’t say anything but the smirk was all you needed. Both of you sat down in silence, enjoying the books on your hands, when something hit your window. It wasn’t a mystery who it could be, especially when other water balloons followed the first one. 

“Hey freak! Come show your face!” someone outside yelled.

You looked at Wednesday, but she only rolled her eyes and shrugged. Akela was alert and you could sense the change in the mood. He knew something was wrong, he could feel your anger. 

“Seems like they fell for the beauty and the beast explanation, uh?” she said and you frowned.

You had heard the rumors about her being some kind of witch who put a spell on you to control you, given that there was no other explanation as to why you would like to be friends with her. It was stupid and made you mad that they think you couldn’t make a choice for yourself or that they seemed to think about you as a fragil doll. Were they really stupid enough to believe it?

“Well, let’s show them who the beast really is” you smirked as you walked out, with Akela following you.