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#it actually started with me just wishing to choose some things differently today
buttercupshands · 7 months
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I honestly can't believe it took me 7 years
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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roosterforme · 5 months
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The Younger Kind Part 59 | Rooster x Reader
Summary: With your wedding on the horizon, it wasn't the best time for you to question your place with Bradley. But he's always patient, and Noah is perfect, and it doesn't take you long to realize that your husband-to-be is always going to see you in a different way than you see yourself. 
Warnings: pregnancy topics, swearing, blowjob smut, angst, fluff, and age gap (18+)
Length: 4700 words
Pairing: Single dad!Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x babysitter!female reader
Check out my masterlist for more! The Younger Kind masterlist.
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Now that you were looking at your wedding dress all spread out on the bed, you were afraid to try it on. It looked too perfect. Pristine and white. It was exactly how you imagined it would be when Natasha convinced you to order it, and it looked like it would fit like a glove over your belly which was starting to grow. But right now, you were feeling so overwhelmed. 
With your reduced work hours, you were home alone until Bradley and Noah got back in another hour or so. You had the whole place to yourself to do as you pleased. Plenty of time to try this thing on and send some photos to Natasha for her opinion. Then you could unwind with a glass of juice and a nice shower. But today was starting to feel like one of those days where Bradley's perfect bungalow on the perfect street in Coronado wasn't really where you belonged.
When you felt like you were in control of things, this was your castle. You were Bradley's Princess. You were Noah's Mommy. But today you felt like a fraud. Part of you was missing your little rental house where you could feel small and insignificant. Where you only had to take care of yourself. Were you really going to marry a man over a decade older than you? Were you really capable of raising not just Noah but a baby as well?
Mortification and embarrassment flooded your body as the dress mocked you from its place on the bed. You would never be deserving of anything as perfect as this soft fabric. Or this perfect life. Why did Bradley even want you?
"Princess?"
You didn't hear him come in, but now you heard his heavy footfalls as his boots met the hallway floor. He was headed for the bedroom, and you were in tears, staring at the dress. You managed to throw the bedding and pillows on top of it as Bradley entered the room. 
"There you are. I was calling your name," he murmured, wrapping his arms around you from behind and letting his hands rest on your belly.
His touch was everything you always wanted, and he hadn't seen your tears yet. You tried to pull it together as you whispered, "Actually, you were calling my nickname."
"Same thing," he whispered, his nose pressed to your neck.
"You're home early," you said, wiping your eyes. "Did you pick Noah up?"
"Not yet," he said, trying to spin you around to face him. "I thought I'd pick you up first and see if you wanted to go out to dinner after we get him. And maybe we can hit the mall so you can help me choose something to wear for that minor, little occasion that's just around the corner also known as our wedding."
You tried to fight against his grasp on your shoulders, but he spun you easily in place. You'd been too slow to remove all traces of your tears and worry, and his face fell when he looked at you. "Sorry," you whispered. "I'm just having a weird day."
"What's wrong?" he demanded softly, his grip on your hips tightening as his eyes dipped down to your belly.
"We're fine," you whispered, wishing you could convince him that was true.
"Something's bothering you," he said, his brown eyes meeting yours. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No." Then you started crying as he collected you against his rough flight suit. "You didn't do anything wrong. I don't even know what's wrong! I just don't belong here."
You felt his body go rigid as he held you impossibly tighter. This time he did use your actual first name, and you had to force yourself to meet his eyes. He looked concerned as he asked, "You don't think you belong here? With me? I love you."
But you just shook as tears streamed down your face. You didn't know how to say what you were feeling, so you just started talking through your sobs. "It's perfect though. You know that, right?" you asked, gasping for air as he looked at you in silence. "Your house and your son, and all of it. Everything here is perfect, Bradley. And the wedding dress arrived," you sobbed, gesturing to where there was some white fabric peeking out from the bedding. "And even it's perfect, and I just feel like a fraud. Like I'm inserting myself where I don't even belong. And I don't know how to be a mom."
You had your face buried against his chest, and he let you cry. He didn't say a word, and you weren't sure if that was better or worse right now. He just rubbed his hands in slow circles along your back until you were able to swallow and take some deep breaths. Then he guided you back so you were sitting on the edge of the bed next to the messy bedding, and he knelt down in front of you. His big hand came up to your cheek, and he swiped away some of your tears as he spoke.
"If anything here seems perfect, I can assure you it's because you're here now. It feels perfect to me, too, but it didn't always."
You swallowed hard, letting him trace your bottom lip with his thumb as you whispered, "It didn't?"
Bradley shook his head, his brown eyes wide and sincere. "No. It never felt like this before I met you. You showed up and made everything better until it was perfect. It happened slowly, but I could feel something shift right from the start. Each day got better after Noah fell in love with having you here. And after I'd known you for just a few weeks, I never wanted you to leave."
"After just a few weeks?" you asked as his hands and voice soothed you.
"Yeah," he replied softly. "I knew it. I'm sorry you had to put up with so much shit before we got to the point where it felt perfect, but I knew I wanted you with us. And then I needed you with us. And now I need you to understand that you belong here as much as Noah and I do."
"And Skittles."
The pup popped out of her bed and ran over as soon as you said her name, but Bradley kept his eyes on your face. "Always Skittles. And I hate to break it to you, Princess, but you already are a mom. So stop lying and saying you don't know how to be one. You are Noah's mom, and he's happier than I've ever seen him."
You closed your eyes and let all of his words fade into you. "But the baby will be different," you whispered even as you understood that you did know what to do. You handled kids and babies all day long at work, and you did it with care even though they weren't your own. And you did love Noah like he was yours. "But I think I can do it."
When you slipped off the bed and into Bradley's arms, he cupped your face in those hands and examined you closely. "You're not gonna be doing anything alone, Princess. I'm right here."
You nodded and breathed him in, and you already felt better knowing that this house and Bradley and Noah weren't as perfect unless you were here with them. "Can we go pick Noah up and just come back here for the night? I think I feel better, but I just want to relax."
"Anything you want," Bradley promised, and you let your arms go around his neck so he could help you to your feet. "We can come right back here, where everything feels perfect thanks to you."
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Bradley wasn't sure exactly what upset you so much earlier, but after you took a shower and ate dinner, he sent you and Noah to the couch to watch Mickey Mouse cartoons. When you paused in the doorway, you reached for him, and he went right to you with a soft kiss. You were wearing his sweatpants and an old tee shirt, and you belonged here. He didn't know how else to make you see that. But you seemed to understand it deep down where it mattered.
"I feel better," you whispered as he kissed your cheek. "My hormones are all over the place, and I'm always tired, but I do feel better. Thank you for being patient."
He was about to tell you that you didn't have to thank him for that when Noah called out. "Mommy? Are you coming?" 
A beautiful smile found your lips as Bradley said, "You belong here."
You nodded and turned toward the living room, leaving him in the kitchen to clean up. But he didn't want to have it any other way. He promised you he'd take care of everything around here, and that included wedding planning and decorating for Christmas. One problem was the fact that he barely had any decorations, because he barely had time to do anything before you. The other problem was that you were clearly worn out this week after Disneyland, but he needed your input for the rest of the planning.
After loading the dishwasher, Bradley paused and decided to make you some decaffeinated coffee in his Aviators Look Down on Others mug with an extra dollop of French vanilla creamer. He let it cool on the counter for a few minutes while he wiped down the table, and then he took a sip for himself before heading into the living room. Noah was curled up on your lap, and your fingers were gliding gently in his hair as the two of you watched your show together. 
"This is where you belong," he whispered, and you turned to look at him. 
"I know," you said with a soft smile.
Bradley snuggled in carefully next to you and handed you the mug, and soon Noah started to fall asleep. When your head came to rest on his shoulder, Bradley said, "How do you feel about me asking Amelia if she can babysit Noah on Saturday so I can take you on a date?"
"A date?" you asked softly. 
"Mmmm," he hummed. "Maybe go old school and do dinner and a movie. Something other than pizza and an animated classic. Actually leave the house and stay out past eight o'clock."
You laughed softly as Bradley pushed Noah's soft curls back from his forehead. "You do like to go old school, Daddy."
He rolled his eyes but smiled. "So is that a yes?"
"That's a hell yes," you replied. "A date with my hot baby dad sounds nice. And thanks for letting me have a freak out earlier." You looked up at him with his mug in your hands and his son sprawled halfway across your lap. "I love you, too. And I'm totally ready to get married." 
He let your words settle in his mind. There was so much to do. The extra bedroom still needed some work if it was to become the nursery. There were still a few things to finalize for the wedding. But he wanted to do all of it, and that included enjoying every moment with you. 
"Well that's good, because I'm totally ready to get married to you, Baby." He kissed your forehead and said, "I'll carry Noah to bed, and then I'll text Amelia and Penny."
When he stood with Noah curled up against his chest, you got to your feet as well, and Bradley's heart leapt as you told him, "I think I feel like trying on my wedding dress now."
"Yeah? You need any help with that?"
You shook your head and stretched, and the soft swell of all your curves was accentuated by your bump. You kissed him softly like he wasn't completely entranced by you. Like he wasn't aching to tuck Noah in and follow you to the bedroom.
"I think I'll keep it a surprise. You can see it on me in a few weeks," you said with a little smirk as he started following you toward the bedrooms.
Every mention of the wedding left him throbbing for you. When you started to close the bedroom door behind you, Bradley said, "As soon as you're undressed again and in bed, you let me know, and I'll be right in."
"Yes, Daddy."
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As Bradley pulled the Bronco out of the driveway, you waved to Noah and Amelia on the porch. Bradley let you pick the spot for dinner, but he said he was in charge of the movie. Then he mentioned something special that he wanted to get on the way there.
"What's the special surprise?" you asked several times as he drove. "You're just teasing me at this point."
He gave you side eye and reached for your hand. "Thought you liked that sort of thing."
You had to bite your lip to keep from laughing and encouraging him. "I like it when you do it in bed a lot more."
He hummed like he was mulling over your words. "Then consider this some quality foreplay: you'll learn what the special surprise is when we get there, and not a moment before."
You moaned like you were in pleasure, and you felt the Bronco jerk a little to the right as Bradley's hand tightened around your fingers. You burst out laughing and looked over at him. "I love it when you talk Daddy to me. Oops, I mean talk dirty."
"You keep moaning like that, and I'll drive off the damn road," he muttered, checking the mirrors and changing lanes.
When he turned right and drove a block, you saw Sweet Dreams Bakery. "Oh, wait," you said, pointing out the window. "That's where you got the princess crown donuts!"
Bradley pulled past and found a spot where he could parallel park. "Yeah, and we can stop later after we buy the special items."
"Oh, we're shopping now?" you asked, happy you brought your credit card along to keep teasing him.
"We are," he confirmed, and when he helped you down from the Bronco, you realized he parked right outside a jewelry store. He led you inside and said, "Shopping for our wedding bands."
You wrapped your arms around his waist, and bounced up and down a bit. You had been making yourself giddy over the idea of Bradley wearing a ring. He was literally letting you stake your claim with something visible, and if your moan in the Bronco was intended to wind him up, the one that just escaped you was one hundred percent authentic.
"Daddy."
His dark eyes were locked onto your lips as he whispered, "Behave." 
A sales clerk with a bright smile was headed your way, and Bradley squeezed your hip in warning when she said, "Hi, Mr. Bradshaw."
You looked at Bradley with raised brows. How many times had he been here that they remembered him. "Are you here to pickup your special order?"
"Special order?" you asked as Bradley's cheeks grew pink.
"Uh, we're here to pick out weddings bands," he said, avoiding your eyes.
"Perfect," said the sales clerk, and she was immediately leading the way over to a display case. You were ready to dig your feet in and demand more information about Bradley's special order and why they knew him by name here, but he took you by the hand and tugged you gently along.
You pressed your lips together to keep quiet as you remembered that Casey lived in this neighborhood; you were really starting to dislike the idea of Bradley hanging around here when your eyes settled on a tray of men's wedding rings. "Oh," you said softly.
Bradley kissed your temple and whispered, "Tell me which ones you want me to try on for you, Princess." 
You pointed to the plain band right in the middle, and you knew before he even put it on that it was going to be perfect. He picked it up with his right hand and slid it onto his left ring finger. It was a little thicker than a traditional band, and once he had it on, he held his hand up for your inspection. 
"It's perfect," you told him, your voice a little breathless. 
"You want me to try on any others?" he asked, a smile playing on his lips. 
You kissed the edge of his mustache, letting your body clench at the rough feel of it. "No."
"You sure?" he whispered.
"Yes."
He removed the ring and handed it to the woman who worked there. "This one," he told her while he kept his eyes on you. "It's perfect."
When it was your turn to try some on, Bradley stood behind you with his chin resting on your shoulder. You started to reach for the plain bands that would match with your enormous diamond ring, but Bradley said, "What about one like that? With the little diamonds that go all the way around?"
It was gorgeous. You should have known he'd point out something spectacular looking when you considered how pretty your engagement ring was. "Bradley, it probably costs ten times more than the plain one. Besides, the plain one kind of looks like yours."
When you glanced at him over your shoulder, you were met with those Bradshaw brown eyes that you couldn't seem to say no to. "Humor me?"
So you slid it on with a soft sigh, because it was incredible. "I do like it," you told him, trying to take it off again, but he stopped you with both of his hands. 
"Then we should get it."
You tore your gaze away from him and asked the woman, "What's the price difference?"
"Please don't tell her that." You turned back to Bradley to glare at him, but of course you didn't get an answer about the price. He had the upper hand in this store. "If the price didn't matter, would you want this one?" he asked you, tapping the ring where it was still sitting on your finger.
"Maybe," you whispered. "But the plain one is just as-"
"You're not plain. You're a Princess."
The kiss you gave him was a little indecent, but you didn't really care. He slid the ring from your finger as you tasted his mouth, and you assumed he gave it to the saleswoman so he could buy it for you. You just didn't want to let go of him as his big hands moved down your sides to your belly, and then he broke the kids.
"I would get you anything you want," he whispered, his lips ghosting along yours. "Same goes for both of my kids. Now let's get dinner before we miss the movie."
You tried to pay with your credit card, but this time he shook his head and told you to put it away. The woman was discreet when she ran his card, and then she handed Bradley a bag way bigger than was necessary for two, small rings.
"Is there something for me in the bag besides the wedding band?" you asked, trying to grab it when he led you back outside.
"Maybe," he muttered. "How about you stop asking about it, and I'll buy you some donuts."
Your stomach growled pleasantly at the thought. "Great idea. We can have dessert before dinner and the movie."
Bradley smirked. "And then after the movie, we can have another round of dessert."
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Bradley couldn't get enough of watching you eat your dinner with your hand occasionally pressed to your belly as you chatted away. He wasn't too concerned about the way you'd been overwhelmed to the point of tears a few days ago. You were tired and pregnant and working and busy being a Mom to Noah. Your hormones were changing again after the progesterone shots ended, and he knew it was a lot. Honestly, it was a lot for him to process, too.
But tonight you looked like you always did. Young and perfect and vibrant as you told him a story about something that happened at work. You ate and ate, picking up another piece of garlic bread after you told him you were getting full.
"If you're still hungry, we can always skip the movie," he mused, and you paused as you ran the last bit of bread through the sauce on your plate.
"Oh my goodness," you said, eyes wide. "I didn't know I was basically inhaling my food."
He just shrugged as he said, "Well, you are gaining weight."
A smile found your lips, and then they were twitching before you started laughing. "Wow, Bradley. You got all the smooth lines. It's a wonder none of your app dates were successful."
He hooked your feet with his under the table as you tried to stop laughing. "That was entirely your fault. It had nothing to do with my lines, because I wasn't trying very hard. And you're supposed to be gaining weight."
You were still grinning as you said, "Once again, coming in hot with the seduction."
You were still teasing him when he signed the credit card receipt and stood. He helped you to your feet and said, "Maybe I was just saving all my worst lines to use on you. Make sure you really love me. You ever think of that, Princess?" 
"It worked," you told him. "I actually do love you. And I especially can't wait for you to start wearing your wedding band." You gasped as he held the restaurant door open for you. "What are we going to do for music for the wedding? We don't have a wedding band."
"Oh," he said with a laugh. "I made a playlist." 
 "You made a playlist?"
"Yeah, you wanna hear it while I drive to the movie theater?"
He handed you his phone and let you start up the playlist. The first song was okay. So was the second one. You skipped along a few more songs, and then you looked at him while he drove and said, "It's all your old people music."
"Damn. Who's being rude now?" he laughed. 
"It's just that it's all from the '80s!"
"So am I."
"Bradley! Be so serious!"
"What? You know how old I am."
"I'm adding some things to the playlist, and if I find the Electric Slide in here, I'm deleting it."
Bradley ran his palm across his mouth and said, "There's my little brat."
You sat up straighter in your seat, clearly proud of yourself as you tapped away on his phone screen. It was so hard to surprise you; the way you reasoned through things was exquisite. He should have known you'd call him out on the extra item from the jewelry store, and now you were glancing out the window as he pulled past the movie theater.
"Throwback '80s night?" you said, reading the marquee out loud. "Bradley Bradshaw!"
"Okay, fine," he said, parking and killing the engine. "I'm old, and I like old shit. But really, the movie selection was just for you, Princess."
You turned and looked at the marquee again as it changed to show the retro film of the night. "Adventures in Babysitting!"
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Bradley pulled some of the cash from the spot behind the TV and gave it to Amelia as she collected her belongings. She and Noah made some art projects together which she said were drying on the kitchen table, and once again, she offered to watch him anytime.
"He's the sweetest little guy," she promised as her eyes dipped down to your belly. "But you'll have to pay me more to watch two."
"We can negotiate your rate when the time comes," Bradley said with a laugh while he opened the front door.
"Deal." 
She walked along the path to her parked car, and Bradley made sure it started up before he shut the door. He was turning the lock as he asked, "Did you like the movie?" But then his hand froze when he realized where your fingers were.
"I did," you promised, pulling his jeans zipper down over his considerable bulge. He wasn't even hard yet, but you were already so turned on. "Wanna go on your own adventure? With your former babysitter?"
You weren't subtle as you looked up at him and licked your lips, tugging him gently toward the couch. "If I ever say no to you, then there's something seriously wrong with me," he groaned, letting you pull his jeans and underwear down so his soft length hung out from beneath his shirt. 
When he dropped down onto the cushion, you dragged his jeans down to his calves so he could spread his legs open a little wider. You kissed his tip and he made a soft sound at the back of his throat as he started to get hard. You dragged your hands up and back down his full length, keeping your eyes locked on his. "Hi, Daddy," you whispered before dragging your tongue along the pretty bead of his precum, enjoying the way he throbbed.
"Hi, Princess," he managed as you smiled up at him. His voice sounded strained as you moved slowly and meticulously, stroking him until he was rock hard.
Right before you took him between your lips, you said, "We're getting married." You smiled around his length as he whined your name, and you let him thrust until he tapped the back of your throat. Then you sucked along his length, inch by inch, until he popped free from your lips, and you whispered, "And we're having a baby."
His fingers found your cheek, his skin a little rough against your face as you rested your head on his thigh. Bradley's eyes were glued to yours, watching you with wide pupils as you lazily kitten licked his cock and stroked his balls with your thumb. "You look so pretty like this," he rasped, and you kissed him before continuing with your little licks. "You're gorgeous when you're driving me out of my mind."
You giggled softly, and his cock throbbed against your lips. "I like teasing you."
Bradley grunted, his fingers tipping your chin up as he said, "I can fucking tell. And you can tease me all you want as long as you suck me off in the living room for the rest of my life."
You licked his length and whispered, "I'll put it in my wedding vows." Then he guided your parted lips around his cock again, and he moaned in satisfaction as you took him deep. 
His stamina was commendable like always. You gagged yourself on him over and over until your saliva was dripping down your chin and his balls. You gripped at his thighs as he thrust up to meet you with his fingers gentle on your face. And all the while, he words were sweet in comparison to the rough hairs rubbing your lip and the tears burning your eyes. 
"You're perfect, Baby. Can't get enough. Gonna marry you... my beautiful Princess."
When he finally came, you were sputtering and practically in tears before scrambling up onto his lap as he told you he loved you. Bradley's hands found your belly as you kissed him. 
"I love you too, Daddy," you whispered before he dipped his tongue between your lips to taste himself. Soon you and he would be married. You were pregnant and exhausted and letting him do most of the planning, but it would be great. No matter what happened on your wedding day, it would be perfect. You'd have Bradley and Noah as your family. The baby was healthy. You didn't want to overthink how you belonged here and fit with them. You knew that you did, even when it was hard to see yourself the way Bradley always seemed to. You snuggled against him and said, "I think you're perfect, too."
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I love this family. The next chapter was originally going to be their wedding, but I got some asks about Bradley's bachelor party, and well now I'm intrigued. So there may be one more chapter than I anticipated! If you have DILF Bradley bachelor party thoughts, please let me know. Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls
PART 60
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donatellawritings · 7 months
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tella baby can i be 🧋anon? and while i have you here i am dyingggg to see how our sweetheart latina would handle rafe when he’s in his mean mood, sending you 💋
of course! i’m going to probably end up making an anon list to keep track lol - sending besitos right back <3
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contrary to popular belief, it actually took a lot for rafe to become so annoyed and frustrated with you, that it bubbled into anger, depending on the day. you see, it was rare for you to act out, you were usually so smiley and willing to do anything, as long as you were by his side, but for some reason, you had become the complete opposite — you’d become a spoiled little brat. and it was safe to say that rafe was going to have to put a stop to your unruly behavior, before it became a bad habit.
it all started earlier in the morning, you were dead set on having a girls’ day with kiara, anxious to go shopping on the mainland and carefully examine the turtle eggs that were dangerously close to hatching. you had your outfit picked out - a freakishly short skirt that clung to your curves, the smooth curve of your ass being the only thing that kept the skirt from riding up and revealing your lace thong & a juicy couture baby tee that stuck to your skin, as if you were wet, your unconcealed nipples making an imprint against the flimsy cloth.
rafe knew of these plans, and normally, he was okay with whatever you decided to wear, seeing as he was usually right on your tail, tanned arm wrapped securely around your waist as you made your way through the outer banks. yet, the thought of you prancing your little naively friendly ass through not only the island, but in the far distance of the mainland just didn’t sit right with him. especially, once his eyes fell on how with each movement you made, the under-curve of your ass was starting to become more and more apparent.
there was no chance in hell that he was going to let you go out, at least not in that outfit.
choosing to take the approach of being the sweet and devoted boyfriend, who’d give you everything that you wished for, rafe carefully approached you from behind, gently locking his hands around your hips as you precisely pressed a powder puff under the freshly concealed skin of your under eye, “hi pretty girl, s’this what you’re wearing today?” he questioned sweetly, sliding his arms around your front, earning a blushing close-mouthed smile from you.
you nodded, pressing the powder puff to your opposite under eye as rafe gently pulled you against his chest, making you stand upright against him as he took in the your reflections in the mirror of your vanity, his smile fading as your skirt bunched up at the valley where you hips and thighs met, “i don’t think so, mama,” he decided, condescendingly tapping the exposed skin on the side of your thighs, before pulling away from you.
initially oblivious to just how serious rafe was being, you adjusted your skirt, a forced breathy laugh leaving your swollen lips, “yes, i am,” you playfully bit back, missing the way rafe cocked his head at you as you returned to perfecting your unfinished makeup.
rafe stood dumbfounded, his head cocked to the side as he nodded to himself in disbelief - you had to be fucking with him, this had to be a joke. wordlessly, rafe blamed himself - maybe he spoiled you a bit too much, maybe he was too soft with you, maybe, just maybe, you were just fucking with him and would change into different clothes, before you left, just to get a rise out of him?
you carefully brushed your spoolie through the wispy lashes that enhanced your naturally curled ones, bending over the vanity a bit further to get a close-up look of your makeup. you could feel rafe’s unforgiving eyes burning holes into you as you carefully smeared your sheer pink dior lipgloss across your lined lips, before pulling away from the vanity and turning to face rafe, “rafe, why are you looking at me like that? you’re making me feel bad,” you pouted, your stomach sinking as he shrugged, before making his way out of your bedroom.
“y’wanna go out dressed like that, then do it - but don’t fuckin’ call me when some guy tries taking advantage of your little ass and your cousin can’t protect you,” rafe spoke eerily calmly, his low tone sending a shock to your nervous system as you rolled your eyes, prohibiting the threatening warm tears from welling in your eyeliner laced eyes.
rafe was about two feet out of your bedroom door when he heard you sniffle, “i don’t need you to protect me.” you mumbled boldly, causing rafe to stop still in his tracks, forcing out a dark laugh before he paced backwards into your bedroom.
“what did you just say?” he asked, watching the way you jumped as he re-entered your room, the sight of your skirt riding up, once again, while you threw your necessities into your purse causing his jaw to lock.
your eyes widened, your chest thumping as you could’ve sworn he was out of earshot, choosing to remain silent as you pulled your purse to sit comfortably on your shoulder. your french manicured nails dug into the leather strap of your purse as you kept your head down, forcing your tear-blurred gaze to stay strained on your sandaled feet. it wasn’t until rafe had stood directly in front of you, his rough hand squeezing your cheeks as he lifted your head, forcing you to look up at him.
“i’ve been tryin’ really hard not to lose my patience with you, kid, okay?” he confessed, his shoulders tense as he tightened his grip on your doll face, “watch how you speak to me, before that fucking mouth gets you into trouble,” he added, before hastily snatching his hand away from your face as he backed away from you.
you rapidly blinked away the mascara and eyeliner tinted tears that fought to spill from your waterline as you bit into the sore skin of your bottom lip. you knew that you’d purposely been testing the waters all week with rafe, a sick part of you became obsessively curious to see that other side of him that those closest to you warned you about and were freakishly afraid of. however, a damaged part of you liked seeing rafe let his guard down and assert his dominance over you, behind your cloud tears, you were somewhat enticed by it.
you silently made your way downstairs as the sound of kiara’s car horn blaring accompanied the slap of your sandals against the hardwood floor. rafe closed the distance between you two as you made it to the living room, nudging your chin with the side of his ringed finger, “don’t start crying, you started that shit, y’been acting up all week,” he waved his hand.
you opened your mouth to speak, but were quickly cut off by rafe who beat you to the punch, knowing he’d give in to you the moment he heard your voice, so he placed his titanium debit card into your free hand, before stepping out of your way, motioning his hand towards the front door, “y’don’t need me to protect you, so go,” he spat, even going so far as to walk towards your front door.
“stop it, rafe,” you whined, rushing to grab his hand before he could open the front door, a sharp sniffle coming from your nose as you wrapped your arms around his tense neck, “i’m sorry,” you mumbled into the side of his neck, pressing your glossed lips to the skin. you let out a soft whine when rafe remained still, his arms refusing to enclose around you.
“i’m sorry,” you repeated, standing in the tips of your toes as you tried to pull his closer to you — but rafe wouldn’t budge.
you pulled your head away from rafe’s neck, your once precise eyeliner now slightly smudged as rafe looked down at you, a look of displeasure still painted on his structured face. your soft shadowy eyes welled with tears as you accepted that you had pushed him to this point of silence. rafe remained silent for the sake of not wanting to fully lash out at you, he knew that he could break you pretty easily and figured that he wouldn’t stoop that low, unless he truly needed to.
rafe pulled your arms from around him, his large hands now gripping your wrists, “y’want me to talk to you, princess?” he cooed menacingly, a sick smirk tugging on his pink lips as you nodded furiously.
“okay, tell kiara that you’re not coming out today,” rafe demanded, shaking his head the moment you tried to protest, pressing his forehead against yours as he backed your against the door.
“but she’s already here, an-” you spoke, pressing your lips together as rafe kissed his teeth.
“i don’t give a fuck, tell her-” he pressed his forehead deeper into yours.
“babe, plea-” you cried.
rafe dropped one of your wrists from his grasp, before sliding it behind your head, fjsting a generous amount of your loosely curled hair, tugging your head back, “shut the fuck up, i swear to god i am trying to be fuckin’ nice,” he spoke through gritted teeth, biting back a laugh as he pulled away from you entirely.
rafe ran his hands through his buzzed hair, before turning to face you once more, “get the fuck upstairs!” he screamed, his voice hoarse, “fuck!” he shouted.
your sticky lips parted, you kept your head down as you made your way towards the staircase that led to your bedroom. before you could successfully walk past rafe, he grabbed your waist, his hands closing around your throat, “do you think i’m a fuckin’ joke, like i’m one of these fuckin’ guys that you could just bitch around, huh?” he ranted, your body bent at an uncomfortable angle as he lightly shook you by your neck.
“no,” you cried, your small hand wrapping around his flexed wrist.
“stop fucking with me, a’ight - i don’t want to fuckin’ break you,” he sealed with a sloppy kiss, shoving his tongue down your throat, his spit making your mouth slippery as some of your own spit made its way down your chin.
rafe roughly pulled away from you, a line of spit connecting your lips as he wiped his mouth, leaving you a dumbfounded mess with your smeared, spit covered lipgloss that smudged onto your chin.
“go upstairs,” he breathed out, walking towards the front door, giving himself the task of telling kiara that you wouldn’t be joining her for today’s festivities.
putting the bratty act to rest, you softly smiled to yourself as you jogged upstairs, your miniskirt riding up with each bounce of your hips.
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pubbamoon · 3 months
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Random Astrology Observation 3
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Hi and welcome to my another random astrology observation. I like this series, 'cause I have a free will to choose any placement to discuss about and I hope you do like it too. This observation might be related to both Western and Vedic astrology. Take it as it resonates and leave what does not resonate with you. Cool, we can start now!
Whoever natives have aspect between Mercury and Neptune, I feel sorry for these people, especially if they still go to school. Mercury is about learning, while Neptune is about illusions, so these people may not see things clearly or they can't communicate effectively. They can have a hard time processing informations and they may interpret things way more different than other students/people. Because of that, they might seem stupid or blunt to others, which may not be the case. Believe me, I have Mercury conjunct Neptune in my natal chart and although I can be creative and intuitive with this placement, I also have a hard time with having a conversations with the people who are close to me, because I interpret informations differently, which makes it seem that I don't listen to them at all.
Transit Pluto has been placed in Aquarius since January this year and we already see its influence in this sign. Some people from the upper class and even celebrities are exposed for their shady things they have done in the past, since Pluto represents exposing the truth, while Aquarius is about collectives, revolutions, changes for a higher good etc. In Vedic astrology, this pattern can be seen by the transit Saturn in Shatabhisha nakshatra in Aquarius, 'cause Saturn represents punishment and Shatabhisha nakshatra is about the hidden things we don't see or we don't even know about. This transit was relevant at the beginning of this year.
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Speaking of transit Pluto in Aquarius, since this planet has been placed in my natal 1st house, I started to experience many spiritual awakenings and transformations I don't think I've ever experienced before. I actually had the spiritual awakening somewhere in 2018/19, when transit Pluto was conjuncting my natal Venus in Capricorn and Venus is my 9th house ruler in my natal chart, which is the house of spirituality. I cannot imagine what would happen to me when the transit Pluto will tightly conjunct my natal Ascendant.
In the context of predictions through transit, it's always important to see if some transit planet is currently aspecting your natal planets, not just looking in which your natal house the transit planet is placed. For example, I'll use the transit Jupiter in Gemini. For Sagittarius Rising natives, they've mostly heard that this transit planet is going to be in their natal 7th house of long-term relationships and marriage, which might be the flourishing time for this native if they want to find a new partner. But if they have a Saturn in Gemini in their natal chart, forming a conjunction aspect with the transit Jupiter, it's not going to be very well, because Saturn is about restrictions and hardships. If some of these natives don't have any planets in their 7th house, it's crucial then to look for their 7th house ruler, Mercury. If Mercury, as their 7th house ruler, is placed in Libra and forms a trine aspect with the transit Jupiter, then they can expect some new love to come into their lives.
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Overall, that would be everything for today. This will be one of the shortest observations I've ever made, but I hope you won't mind it. The reason why it took me so long to make another post is that I've become busy in my private life. Because I don't have much time for astrology, my personal paid readings will be closed on July 19, 2024 at 10:26 AM UTC, but I'll still be active and make astrology posts here on Tumblr. So, if someone wants to book a reading with me, you can do that until July 19 this year. I hope my readings will be open as soon as possible, but I can't promise you anything so far. Regardless, I wish you all had a beautiful day ahead.
Best regards,
Paky McGee
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ingravinoveritas · 8 months
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Feeling really normal about Georgia calling Michael "the boyfriend of my husband"
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Okay, so...wow. Definitely a lot to unpack today, but first let me wish our own Welsh seduction machine the happiest of birthdays. Happy Birthday, Michael! 🎉🎂
So, there have been a few posts since last night, and my thanks to @moriarty-sisters for including the above screenshots. Posting some larger ones so we can take a better look, starting with AL's post:
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And then we have Georgia's from this morning:
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(Standard disclaimer that what follows here is only my opinion/observations, and does not mean that I am completely right. As I've said before, if I am wrong, I am more than happy to acknowledge that.)
It appears that a party was held in Michael's honor last night, and David and Georgia were in attendance. There has been some confusion about the pictures because Michael's hair length/facial hair are different in the group photo vs. the party photos, so to your Ask @kime11e (which I did not include here just to keep this less cluttered), I think that the group photo is not actually from last night (which then makes me wonder why Georgia didn't post one from last night, but more on that in a minute).
So, of course the first thing that stands out about all of this is Georgia calling Michael David's "boyfriend." As I've mentioned previously, Georgia has been calling Michael David's "other wife" since the end of 2021. (David has also called Michael his wife in other contexts, which was confirmed by Rob Wilkins.) "Boyfriend," however, is new. And in this instance, "boyfriend" feels very deliberate. While I don't think it's possible to say that this confirms what the exact dynamic between them is, what I think is confirmed is that something about that dynamic has changed.
But let me go back for a moment and talk about AL and Georgia's posts and the differences between them. In Anna's post, I was particularly struck by the difference in Michael between the picture of him and AL vs. the picture of him with the cake. The disconnect to me is so strong that it's like looking at two different people--the real Michael (cake picture) vs. the version of himself Michael becomes in every picture with her, as if he is playing a role. There is no light in eyes, no trademark twinkle that we so often see--he's just muted, somehow. And Anna again is so wrapped up in showing him off and making sure that she looks good in the picture that she doesn't seem to care how Michael looks.
I do want to note that I would not even be saying this were it not for the fact that this is the...third?...picture he's taken with her in the last month and a half where he looks like this (and noticeably only in pictures with her):
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I've mentioned this previously on my blog, but even if Michael is doing a "bit," he is choosing to look this way in pictures with Anna. Seeing the response to Georgia's post today, however, I almost wonder if it's because they know the fans will never take anything the four of them do seriously, to where AL could say (just as an example) "Michael and I hate each other," and the fans would eat it up and say how funny they are. So in that sense, I could see them deciding to stop pretending entirely and for Michael to let his true feelings out because it's easier to hide in plain sight. I don't know for certain that is the case, but I also don't know how else to explain AL seemingly having no problem with her partner looking like this in multiple pictures with her.
Going back to today's birthday posts, aside from the pictures, I was also perplexed by Anna's caption on her post. It's so over the top in some ways, but somehow not enough at the same time. Again, this would have been an opportunity to say what a great father Michael is, or how he's such a wonderful person, but instead, Anna's caption focuses on how great she is for being willing to throw confetti on the floor, and to celebrate Michael's birthday even though it's apparently an inconvenience. It comes across as self-involved and self-serving, which is further augmented by this tweet of Anna's from earlier bragging about how great she is for the birthday present she got for Michael. All of this taken together, I think what bothers me is how it feels more like Anna is promoting herself than Michael, and that she saw his birthday less as a special occasion and more as a PR opportunity.
Looking at Georgia's post, what stood out to me (apart from the caption, that is) is the picture. Something I have noticed is that Anna seems to always have that tight, pained smile on when anyone other than her is taking the picture. I think Georgia knows enough about "bits" and narratives to know how to set things up, and it's interesting to me that when she does, Anna sort of looks out of place, even unintentionally. Then we have Michael and David, who are beaming in this group picture, and Michael in particular has a huge smile on his face, as he often seems to whenever David is near. And again, for me it's the massive contrast between Michael's expression in that group picture vs. in pictures with AL, as well as the contrast between Georgia and AL's expressions vs. Michael's and David's. What also stood out is what wasn't posted: A picture of Michael and David together.
Which brings me back to my earlier point about the dynamic between the four of them, and to @phantomstars24's comments. I think what's most noticeable to me is that, contrary to what I have also seen some folks say today, this is not "Oops, we're all dating" or a continued joke about them being a polycule (at least not in the way that many fans are assuming). Because in all of this, not once has there ever been a comment or joke about David/Anna or Michael/Georgia. (Heck, Anna doesn't even post a word about David on social media unless it's a reshared post from Georgia or official promo/behind the scenes photos.) So the contrast between what is available for public consumption (group photos, Michael/AL photos) and what isn't (Michael/David candid photos) is very curious.
With that in mind, what this this feels like is a shifting of a preexisting narrative as a form of damage control. Because, as we remember, Georgia has been calling Michael David's "other wife" since 2021, so why didn't she start the "flirting" with Anna at that same time? Or even in 2020, when the first season of Staged happened? Why wait until four years later, especially when she had ample opportunity to do this well before now? Perhaps we will never know why, but if I had to guess, I would say Georgia didn't have a need or reason to do it until now. And as the saying goes, the best place to hide the truth is between two jokes. "Anna is my wife." / "Michael is David's boyfriend." / "Georgia is my wife." Hiding in plain sight, while also taking the heat off of Michael and David.
Again, I realize everyone has different interpretations of this, and I am not going to tell anyone that their interpretation is wrong, or that they have to agree with me. But for me (and I would guess for many others), shipping Michael and David did not start with Georgia calling Michael David's "boyfriend." There is no way that that statement alone would cause such a reaction, but rather the cumulative effect of everything that has happened since 2018, including Michael and David flirting and adoring and eyefucking each other in countless interviews and appearances and much more, long before Georgia ever said a word about it on social media. Now that she has, however, it would seem almost foolhardy to discount the possible reasons why, and in my opinion, I can't see why it wouldn't be as likely that it's because Michael and David are lovers as it is because they are good friends.
So yes, those are my thoughts on today's events. Glad as always to hear from my followers and see what you think of these latest developments. Thanks for writing in! x
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dawnisdreamlanding · 10 months
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CHAPTER 3
Ghost x Reader x Konig
Neighbor!au and Roommate!au
About me | Masterlist |
Author's note: Hey hey hey! It's been a while hahahs I actually have chapter 4 and chapter 5 planned out but i havent got the energy to write them :') All i can say is that everything in this story has been going too well right now... >:)
(Also if you have any fanfic ideas/ asks feel free to send an ask or dm me :D)
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You’re waiting once again for Simon to pick you up from work. It’s now become an almost daily thing for a month now, the two of you. You’d finish work, Simon would show up in his pickup truck and occasionally the two of you would eat dinner together.
Okay, you do partially feel as if you’re cheating on Konig in some way by having dinner with your neighbor (Konig said he had a work emergency and he was going to be gone for a month or two), but your roommate wasn’t here to keep you company anymore and you weren’t willing to eat dinner alone after being so accustomed to the company you had.
Today, the atmosphere in the car seems a little different than the rest. Just a little, though. You decide not to comment on it and buckle your seatbelt before he starts driving. “How was work?” Simon would ask the usual question. “Fine,” you would reply tiredly with a sigh. The two of you would fall into a domestic routine in such a short time, yet neither of you ever really questioned it.
The patter of rain provided a relaxing white noise as the two of you sit in comfortable silence, waiting for the traffic light to turn green. The streetlamps glisten and you turn to see Simon in his balaclava that he wears only when going on missions.
“I’m going to be deployed. Tonight.” He finally breaks it to you. “Oh.” You reply, but you can’t be sure if it sounded sad or understanding. Maybe both. “Do you know when you’re coming back?” He shrugs, eyes still fixated on the road. “I’m thinkin’ 2 months at least.”
There’s another silence that follows, but this time around it’s filled with a lot of unsaid words waiting to be spoken into existence. Simon turns to look at you. God, he wishes he didn’t because the red from the traffic light paints your features in the best way, and he doesn’t think he could forget this moment anytime soon. “You’ll be fine without me yeah?” Simon finally asks. You feel like there’s a secret message lying hidden somewhere in the question by the way he looks at you, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
---
You spend your days without Simon and Konig counting. Counting how many days it’s been since they’ve been gone, and the times you accidentally cook food for two. Today marks the 2 month mark, and to be honest, you still haven’t gotten used to your apartment engulfed in darkness when you get back from work. You sigh.
---
Simon spends his days counting unconsciously. He takes another long drag from his cigarette and watches the smoke slowly disappear into the night sky outside of a bar the team decided to celebrate their victory at. It’s a little chilly. Winter is approaching, and he hopes you’re warm and tucked into your apartment right about now. Soap stands beside him, accompanying him. “You goin’ home for Christmas, L.T?” he says. Soap expects Ghost to say no, or to say something along the lines of spending the holiday alone.
Ghost gazes at the stars which is something he doesn’t really do since he was a kid and god, he swears he still sees your face as the stars twinkle. He hums. “Got a Christmas gift for someone. Gotta give it to ‘em somehow.” Soap’s taken aback at his answer but chooses not to pry too much into his private life. Not this time at least. Suddenly the bar cheers with happiness and the clinking of beer bottles. “Happy for ya, L.T.” Soap says as a small knowing smile spreads on his lips.
---
Ghost spends the time taken for the trip back to his civilian life decompressing and when he reaches home, he wants nothing more than the dinners the two of you had before he left for the mission. But he decides the moment his duffel bag hits the floor, that he really, really needs to sleep first. That doesn’t stop him from thinking about you though, cause he dreams of the moment when he picked you up from work in his pickup truck.
You’re ecstatic when Simon tells you he’s back. You prepare dinner, finally making food for two (or three, with how much this guy eats). And you’re basically skipping when Simon knocks on your door.
Dinner with Simon is calm yet filled with excitement and happiness. You both catch up on each other’s lives, and you tell him about everything he’s missed out on since he left. You tell him about the stray orange cat that found its way into your apartment once (you still have no clue how) and has now become a visitor occasionally — you leave out the part where you subconsciously named it after him.
You’re washing the dishes and Simon’s keeping the leftovers for your lunch tomorrow when the topic of long distance relationships get brought up. “I mean, it must be hard to maintain relationships, right? Especially since you don’t get to see each other for ages.” Ghost hums in agreement, a sign that you’ve learnt to understand that he’s listening to you intently. “I can’t imagine working in the military is any easier. Hell, I felt a little sad when you left too, I can’t imagine what your girlfriend would be feeling.”
“Don’t have one.” He says. And you smile a little. “Yeah, but imagine if you did. It’ll be like one of those old war movies.” You giggle at the thought and Simon joins you in washing the dishes. “Oh, my darling,” you say in an exaggerated voice of a lover. “I don’t think I could love you anymore. The pain is too much to bear!”
Your theatrics tugs the corner of Simon’s lips upwards and he looks at you softly, arching his brow. “Y’ love me?” his voice rumbles, and it sounds something akin to the taste of vanilla ice cream with caramel drizzled on top which is weird, because you’ve never really liked the taste of caramel. Well, not until now.
There’s a certain softness in this moment, you tell yourself. There’s this feeling that you don’t think you could forget this look on his face. You blink and he’s taken the soapy cutlery from your hand and starts to wash the soap off them. “I forget how much I miss my soft bed when I come back. And being able to sleep in a little longer.” He sighs and it’s your turn to hum along. “And I missed your cooking.” He says a little softer this time, eyes focusing on the bubbles as they get washed away from the water. I missed this, you think.
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Taglist: @gojo-mochi
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farfromstrange · 8 months
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Lizzi’s Valentine’s Special & Follower Celebration
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Dear Everyone,
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and I thought, since this silly little blog hit over 1.1k followers yesterday, I want to give you something special.
First of all, though, I want to thank you. I’ve been on here since (and I checked with the archive) July 19, 2022. I can't believe that it has been almost two years. I started watching Daredevil after watching Spider-Man: No Way Home in December of 2021 and hearing Matt Murdock say, "I'm a really good lawyer," after catching a brick. So, I started watching the show, and that was during a time I was really miserable. Mentally and physically, I wasn't in a good place, but after watching Daredevil for the first time and falling in love with Charlie Cox as a genuine person and an actor, it felt like I found a reason to keep going.
I started writing fanfiction again, which I kind of neglected because I felt like this hobby of mine wasn't going anywhere. I wasn't inspired at all until I watched the show. If I hadn't, I probably would not have gotten back into writing and using it as an outlet for my feelings, and I probably wouldn't be where I am today. Thanks to Charlie's portrayal of Matt Murdock, and watching his interviews, I felt like I could do the things that I love again and follow my dreams. He's the reason I chose to major in English. And while I owe him that much, I owe you guys here on Tumblr and AO3 even more.
When I first posted here, I didn't think people would even be interested in what I had to say and write. But then more and more people started visiting my profile, you guys started following me, and it kept me motivated to keep writing, even when I'm miserable, and I sometimes only post once every blue moon.
I feel so honored that you guys chose to follow a silly little blog run by a silly little 20-something-year-old whose first language isn't even English (but made it her entire personality), and who chose to write about traumatized dark-haired characters portrayed by Charlie Cox. I'm overwhelmed by the love you continue to show me, and every time one of you chooses to reblog or comment on one of my works, saying that it resonated with you, I feel like I'm doing something right. I'm sharing my ideas, my own experiences, my wishes, and even my deepest, darkest dreams through my writing like it's a fucking diary, and you eat it up every single time.
I'm just so glad that this community exists, as chaotic as it sometimes is, and that you chose to stick around, even when I suck at keeping promises sometimes. You keep teaching me new things about who I am, my writing, and how important it is to put myself first. I don't know if you've heard it lately, but you guys are incredible and I appreciate the hell out of every single one of you.
Thanks to Tumblr, I made lifelong friends (especially looking at you, @blackshadowswriter) and found like-minded people that made me feel less alone. That alone was worth making this account and continuing to post on here.
You may think that I'm being dramatic, but for someone who has never really experienced the kind of validation this community gives me, I want to celebrate this milestone. It means more to me than I can even put into words. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I love you all so much! Please, don't ever forget how amazing you are.
That being said, I've got some exciting things planned.
The other day, I found a folder in my Docs titled "the vault". I completely forgot about it because I usually keep my WIPs in a different folder. As it turns out, I made that folder for fics that I originally never planned to post, or ones that I'd finished but wasn't happy with. It’s many, but it’s a few. Some are deeper than others. I also jotted down rough ideas and outlines last year that I stuffed in there, some of which I've actually shared with you but never started working on. Until now. And the contents of that vault are what I want to give to you now.
INTRODUCING: The Vault
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6 stories from the vault. 1 bonus fic. 7 days.
I went through a myriad of emotions while I wrote these. For some, I actually bled my soul onto paper. For others, it was merely a brain fart that led to their existence. They're sad, horny, and at times angry, but some of those were originally written for me, and only me. Those that weren't started as a few sentences in a folder before I forgot they existed. Either way, I don't want them to catch dust. And I wouldn't want to share them with anyone else.
Starting February 14th, I will be posting one fic every day until February 20th. My “The Vault” works are Matt Murdock x Reader works, but I've made an exception for the bonus fic. I won't tell you what they are about, but I will give you a list of installments and what kind of fic they are so you know what to be excited about (and maybe which ones are not your cup of tea).
-> The number at the end tells you the date I will be posting it on, but I put it in chronological order as well.
INSTALLMENTS:
1. If You Need To Be Mean (angst, hurt/comfort) 14.
2. Mismatched Bridesmaid (fluff, smut) 15.
3. Weed Cookies (humor, fluff, cw: accidental drug use) 16.
4. the grudge (songfic, angst, hurt/comfort, cw: death of a parent) 17.
5. Halloween (Smut) 18.
6. I Want To Fuck A Priest (Smut, cw: priest!Matt) 19.
BONUS:
7. Now That We Don’t Talk (Part 2 of Is It Over Now?) -> Frank Castle x Reader (smut, angst) 20.
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A few more words: You are free to send me an ask if you want to know more, but be prepared that I won't be answering in much detail. I don't want to spoil the fun. I would, however, not mind talking about them as vaguely as possible (if you’re interested).
Thank you all. For everything. And I hope you stick around to read these little gems.
With love from yours truly,
Lizzi <3
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thenextdawn-backup · 2 years
Text
If This Isn’t Love
Word count: 4.5K
Summary: request here
Warnings: angst, blood, hospital stay, coma, school shooting
Pairing: Vada Cavell X Fem!Reader
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You and Vada have been together since the school year started, and you had known each other for overall three years. And it was safe to say that she was your comfort person. Best friend and girlfriend all in one, she was YOUR person, your soulmate, everything you could ever wish for. You’d do everything together, go to the movies, spend nights out camping, at each other’s houses, all of it. You two were never seen apart from each other. You were in the same classes even, every day sitting next to each other, doing school projects together. You were the loudest in class, and it was easy to see the two of you even in detention. You never went to detention, anyways.
Today in class science teacher was illustrating a new project, and you were already smiling at Vada knowing you’d do it together, as the teacher gave the rules. “Everyone is free to choose their partner. Except the two of you” she pointed at you and Vada. “Vada’s with Mia, (Y/N)’s with Quinton” you sighed and looked over at Vada who was surprisingly smiling at Mia. They didn’t even know each other, but recently it was pretty clear that Mia had a crush on your girlfriend. Did you care? No, because you knew that she was loyal to you, and in some ways, you have never been more wrong in your entire life. For the first period of time ever since working on the project, everything was fine, Vada always coming to your place, answering your texts and acting all lovey dovey with you, both at school and at home.
But then things started going downhill… Vada was seen in school more with Mia than with you, and you had to admit you were indeed jealous. Maybe it wasn’t intentional, but Mia was stealing your girlfriend from you and Vada herself wasn’t realizing it. You had tried hanging out with them, but for most of the time Vada would ignore you, and tend to her new friend instead of even talking to you. And it started hurting a lot when even after the project had been turned it, they kept spending time together. Hell, she even stopped coming to your place, walking to school with Mia instead of you. You tried different ways of getting her to spend time with you but none of it was working. Today though, the film you and Vada had been waiting for over a year came out and you immediately bought tickets, knowing that she’ll definitely come with you.
You drove to school that morning like every day and when you arrived you immediately searched for Vada, who had obviously arrived with Mia. You ran over to them “babe!” You said and watched her turn around to face you, flashing you a smile. “Scream 6 came out today! We’re going together, right?” You asked hopeful, just wanting to spend time with your girlfriend. You two hadn’t spent time together in nearly a month. She looked back at Mia and the smile fell from her face “uh I’m going with Mia actually…” she said and looked at you, the smile falling from your face as well as you looked down. She truly was replacing you, was she? “But… you promised me we’d go together…” you said looking at her. She looked at you, probably feeling sorry, you didn’t know. “I know, but Mia’s already bought the tickets…” she said. Of course she had. The rich Mia always had money for whatever she wanted and she even had lots of friends! Couldn’t she go with someone else? You only had Vada… “but I also bought tickets already…” you said in a lower voice of tone, but she was already walking away, mouthing an ‘I’m sorry’ from afar.
You wanted to see how far she would go ignoring you. Was she even realizing how much she was hurting you? Surely she wasn’t, being too distracted to even remember your birthday. That’s right, she forgot about your birthday. She would always write you a long ass happy birthday text and take you flowers to school, but this time, she didn’t even look your way or give you a kiss. You were turning 18 and she didn’t remember. She used to give you so many attentions… yet she didn’t acknowledge you the whole morning, not the whole evening… you just texted her before dinner time.
You: hey babe, it’s my birthday today, Do you want to come at my place for dinner? My parents bought cake. I miss you.
Seen at 6.56 pm
You had now come to the conclusion that she just didn’t care anymore. Your parents even asked you why she wasn’t there for your birthday, and you simply told them she was sick. You didn’t want them feel pity towards you because your girlfriend was ignoring you. You needed to put an end to this situation. The next morning in school you stormed through the parking lot looking for Vada, when you found her of course she was with Mia but you took her from her arm and yanked her away. “(Y/N) what the hell? Let me go!” She said and you let her go since you had arrived somewhere quieter. “why are you ignoring me?” You asked her with tears in your eyes, she seemed confused. “What are you talking about?” She asked and you chuckled, rolling your eyes. “You seriously haven’t realized? It’s been almost two months, Vada. Two months of you ignoring me ever since you got to know Mia, you never come to my house anymore, you never text me, you never talk to me in class” you said, a few tears leaving your eyes.
“(Y/N), I don’t-“ you quickly interrupted her. “Shut up! Now you’re gonna listen to me. “Last year you promised me we’d go watch scream 6 together. Yet you go with the first chick you meet because “oh she already bought the ticket” but I had already bought them as well, yet you chose to go with her instead of going with your girlfriend. Yesterday it was my birthday, Vada. You didn’t text me a happy birthday, you didn’t kiss me, you didn’t even look at me! And when I texted you yesterday to come have dinner at my place, you left me on seen! All because you were probably with Mia and I’m sure I’m right!” You said by now crying. However she seemed insensitive to how you felt. “Yeah, I might have forgotten about your birthday, and I didn’t reply to you because I felt guilty! I didn’t know what to do…” she looked down, then reflecting on your words. “Are you Jealous?” She asked you, almost using a provocative tone of voice.
“Yes, I’m jealous Vada. And I have every right to be! You fucking replaced me with her” you said, and she shook her head in disbelief. “I can have all the friends I want and you won’t neglect me that” she said, not believing that you would do such thing to her. “I never fucking said that you can’t have friends! Jesus Vada do you hear yourself? You can’t even realize… you need to check your priorities because the last time I remembered you told me that you would never ever ignore me to be with your friends every day of every week of every month yet here you were. I never wanted much, just for you to spend a couple days with me and to remember my fucking birthday, yet you couldn’t even do that. I guess she’s more important” you teased, she didn’t care much anyway. “I will do whatever I want with my friends and my relationship” she really dared to say that. “A relationship means respect and control, and the fact that you can’t do any says a lot. Go be with Mia” you said wiping your eyes as you walked away and to class.
Useless to say that you didn’t talk to her from then on, and she didn’t change her way of acting around you. She kept being with Mia, and she didn’t even try to apologize to you. That day you were in the corridor as you left class for your usual 15-minutes-long stroll in the corridors during history class. You hated history, yet in this occasion you wished you had loved it more. You were walking exactly in the corridor when you found yourself standing in front of a guy with a rifle, the gun pointed at you. “Dude, put the gun down” you whispered, voice shaking as you raised your hands and tried stepping backwards. “Or what?” He said, a sadistic smile on his face. “If people hear or see you they’ll call the police and arrest you” he smirked and loaded the gun. You tried running away then, but it was useless as he shot you not one, not two, but three times, hitting your leg, your stomach and your left shoulder as you fell face down to the floor.
You didn’t really acknowledge what was happening from then on, but you heard and saw people running away, other being shot as you crawled to sit up against the lockers, screaming out in pain when you did as you cried and tried to catch your breath, but with each breath, your wounds hurt and bled out more. You could only put pressure on two of them and you went for the one on your stomach and the other on your shoulder, but your strength was slipping away from you, color draining from your face as those 6 minutes felt like eternity. A loud ringing noise echoed through your ears and your vision started to get blurry. You could hear police sirens from afar even if you weren’t sure, but just as you were about to fall asleep, You screamed in pain once again when you felt someone put pressure on your stomach and shoulder wounds. your eyes shot back open revealing Vada hovering over you, pressing hard on your wounds.
“I know it hurts, I’m sorry” she said and you you looked at her with eyes wide open, grunting in pain as you couldn’t even find it in yourself to speak. You looked at her, trying to breath but it was getting too much, the pain for you too much to bare. You were now lying down on the floor but you managed to raise your head up, and saw you were in a pool of your own blood. She applied even more pressure as you screamed even louder in pain, grasping her arm and squeezing it tightly from the pain. “I’m so sorry babe… you’ll be okay, you’ll be okay. I promise you” she said, to which you tried nodding. She’d caress your cheeks to comfort you, but right now she couldn’t because she was trying to stop the bleeding of both wounds on your upper body, the one on your shoulder being extremely close to your heart, you didn’t know how you were still alive.
Vada was crying too, and you were just noticing it. She was crying a lot, maybe both from shock and finding you like this. But she wasn’t bloody, she wasn’t hurt. You were just glad she was safe and this relief was enough to wash away each ounce of adrenaline you had left in your body. You fell asleep. “No! No no no don’t do this to me (Y/N)! Don’t you fucking dare!” She said and panicked, rushing her bloody hands through her hair. “HELP! PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP!” Vada yelled as she cried desperately, hands now shaking you to wake you up but it was useless, you seemed to be gone. Paramedics came over to the two of you and Vada didn’t want to move from you, but Mia pulled her back, hugging her trying to comfort her friend as Vada cried, screaming desperately as she crumbled to her knees. She couldn’t loose you, she had yet to make it up to you and she didn’t want to see you die with the regret of having made you feel like shit because of a new friend she made.
You were immediately rushed urgently to the hospital where you had a surgery to take the bullets out of your leg, Stomach and shoulder. Your leg was fine except for the scar it would have, you had some internal damage in your stomach which couldn’t yet be fixed, the bullet had gone too deep down because of the pressure that was applied to it and it caused a huge internal bleeding which was hard to stop. And the bullet in your shoulder had damaged the Aorta, luckily not in a fatal spot, so you were fine, considering. However your organs were damaged badly and doctors had to put you in a coma. In the meantime Vada had gone home, washed and changed clothes and rushed to the hospital. She asked where your room was and she paced in front of it while waiting for you to get back to surgery. She was still crying, being scared, anxious, all of the bad emotions she could feel. She waited hours in front of your room, and when they brought you back she sighed of relief.
“How is she?” She asked the doctor. “She’s fine now, but still not out of danger. The bullet in her shoulder damaged the aorta, the one in her stomach went too deep down and cut through other organs, there was a big internal bleeding…” he said, Vada interrupted him “I put pressure on her stomach- is it my fault? Did I do this to her?” She asked nervously, she was scared to have done this to you, she couldn’t bare it if she ended up hurting you this bad. “No, no. The bullet going deeper down was inevitable, putting pressure was the best thing you could do. If you didn’t she would have bled out more. You did the right thing kid” the doctor tried reassuring her, and it worked a little bit. “We had to put her in a coma. We can do that much to fix the damage on her organs but the rest is up to her. We don’t know when she’ll wake up.”
Vada was then let in the room. When she was in and she saw you, she let out a shaky breath as tears made their way up to her eyes again. She began crying uncontrollably as she sat on the chair next to your bed, holding your hand as she laid her head on the mattress, just crying and sniffling. “I-I’m sorry (Y/N). I’m so sorry I love you so much. I want to make it up to you please come back to me, please please please-“ she sobbed out and stayed in your room for a while. Your parents were out of town for work, and she was all you had. For weeks, she was all you had. She would come see you every day, she would comb your hair, talk to you, tell you how her days had been and even read you your favorite book, but there was always a hint of sadness in her voice, and her eyes were always swollen and full of tears.
Two months had passed by now, and you had started loosing weight. You had tubes in your mouth to breath and you were being fed by another tube going through your nose down to your stomach your body was slowly recovering, yet you never gave any sign of consciousness or whatsoever. Your parents after coming back home were in your hospital room daily, they brought Vada her meals, and god was she destroyed. She had ran out of things to tell you, however you could feel her there. She always held your hand and looked at you, sometimes laying in bed with you. “Hey darling. How are you?” Your mother asked Vada, coming into the room. Vada was laying her head on your bed, but sat back up when your mom talked to her. “Hi mrs (L/N)… I’m fine- considering…” she said, eyes still bloodshot, like the past two months. She had never stopped crying ever since.
“Vada…” your mother sat down next to her. “It’s okay to be sad. But now she’s almost completely healed up and we just need to wait for her to wake up. Her breathing has stabilized so she’s fine… you should go home and be with your family” she suggested, rubbing the younger girl’s back. “I don’t want to… I need to be here when she wakes up, I need to make it up to her…” obviously she had told your mother about everything that had happened before the shooting, figuring out that you probably didn’t tell her. Tears made their way to Vada’s eyes again as your mother pulled her in for a hug, where she broke down and only cried more. She didn’t go home though, she couldn’t even bring herself to stand up and leave your room. No, she needed to be with you when you woke up.
Two more weeks passed and your vitals were fully back to normal. It was now matter of days before you woke up and Vada was still coming to the hospital every day. It was 3 am and Vada was “sleeping” by your side. She was wide awake, too anxious that you’d wake up and she’d be asleep, so she played with your hair and held your hand. “When you wake up you absolutely need to take a shower. You really stink dude” she said with a sad giggle, but then she felt you squeeze her hand. That made her stop playing with your hair, and she saw you slightly open your eyes. “Holy shit!” She sat up and jumped off the bed, opening the door to your room. “Doctors! She woke up, she did it!” Vada shouted happily, she was so glad to see you alive and well. You couldn’t take your eyes off of her, her having been your safe place for these two months. However you couldn’t jet speak due to the tubes in your mouth, which the doctors came to remove and soon, you were alone with her.
You smiled at her and slightly raised your hand to wave at her. “Hey” you whispered, throat sore from not having talked in so long. The brunette burst out crying and immediately came towards you, hugging you tightly. Your wounds were all healed up, so it was safe. It took you a while to raise your arm and hug her back. And you let her stay there and hug you and cry until she wanted, which was about 10 minutes. She gripped your shirt, which was truly a hospital gown, pulling you in closer as she cried. When she calmed down she slightly pulled back to look at you. “H-how-“ you coughed slightly, your throat being really sore. Vada took the cup of water with the straw and held it for you to drink “how long have I been out?” You asked, your voice almost in a whisper. Vada smiled, god it was so good seeing you awake. “Almost three months”
You just nodded. It was a lot to take in, to you it just felt like a long deep sleep that went by quickly, though thinking on it, you just had to think about all the times you heard Vada’s voice even if it was distant. “And you’ve been here the whole time?” You asked, she nodded slightly and took a hold of your hand. “Yes.. I couldn’t leave you here alone. I’ve come here every day, I’ve slept here, studied here, talked to you, read to you. I couldn’t leave you alone… I had to make it up to you” you smiled weakly at what she said, you had “slept” for the past three months, but your body was constantly fighting, so you never really rested. Though the last sentence made you look away. “How’s Mia?” The smile fell from Vada’s face as well. “(Y/N), I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for how I made you feel… I never realized I made you feel like shit until I almost lost you and I will never, Never do that again… please forgive me…” she begged, she was still holding your hand, and she brought it up to her face as she leaned her cheek in it.
You slightly caressed her cheek with your thumb, god had you missed this. “Hey… I forgave you the moment you told me you’ve been here every day. I never told you you couldn’t have any friends, but maybe, you just have to practice splitting your time so that we both have time with you” you said with a small smile, she nodded eagerly. “I’ll do that. I promise you” she said with tears in her eyes as she gulped back a sob. You nodded in response. “She’s a good friend. I’ll never ask you to leave her behind.” The doctors let you rest the whole day, and the next day with theirs and Vada’s help you stood back on your feet. Your legs were pretty weak, especially the one you were shot at, and with a lot of effort and a lot of help, you managed to take a few steps. Eventually, at least your arms were strong enough so you could hold yourself up on crutches, and with a lot of convincing, you went back to school.
You were scared shitless, to say the least. But Vada was there comforting you, and surprisingly enough, so was Mia. Ever since you woke up you decided to invite her to your hospital room and get to know her, she was indeed a sweet girl and she even apologized to you for always “stealing” Vada from you and you reassured her telling her it was okay. You walked inside the place with your heart racing, memories of that day clouding your mind and Vada saw you were panicking, “it’s okay, the place is safe. There’s guards checking us and our bags every day. No one can come hurt you ever again” she said and placed her hand on your shoulder as you slowly walked in school. The corridors were surprisingly empty, and when you walked in the exact corridor you had been shot at, you stopped in your tracks, staring at those lockers you had bled out on.
You still had the trauma, being in a coma you never had the time to process what had happened and now it was all hitting you like a truck. Your breath quickened, tears pooling in your eyes as Vada’s gentle hand took you back to reality. “You’re okay” she said whispering, hand on your cheek as you nodded and took a deep breath, using the crutches to follow the two girls in front of you, as they took you to the GYM. As soon as you walked in you people jumped out as a surprise, everyone: students, teachers, even the principal and your parents. All accompanied by a huge sign reading “welcome back”. “What’s all this?” You asked, turning to Vada and Mia. “You’re the only one that was shot and survived. The school has raised a campaign in your honor, everyone from the school has been paying for your cures” Vada started, and useless to say you were shocked. You never expected this much awareness to be raised for you.
“Was this your idea?” You asked Vada, but she smiled at you. “It was mine actually” Mia said, and you turned to look at her, and saw how she scratched her neck nervously. “My dads have a lot of money, and when I told them about your situation they wasted no time in starting this found-raising campaign. You needed it and if there’s one thing my parents always taught me is to help who’s in need. Plus, Vada needed you. I care about her and I couldn’t just see her and you in pain” she said and looked away. You slowly walked over and hugged her, she never expected you to but she hugged you back tightly, sighing of relief “thank you. You saved my life” you felt her smile and then you pulled back, Vada helping you to sit down as people came to you and talked to you, happy to see you alive and well, wishing you a happy recovery, teachers as well. Then when Vada was distracted you got up and walked over to a microphone that had been set up in the gym. “Is this thing on?” You said, scaring everyone. Clearly it was on “sorry” you apologized and everyone giggled.
“First of all I want to thank everyone for the surprise and for the money to the campaign, I really, really never expected this and I can never thank you enough. Then I would like to pay honor to our dead classmates..” you took a deep breath. This was still a fresh, delicate topic for you, but you felt that this had to be said. “I have been in a coma for two months and a half, and all that I could think of was “why me? Why did I have to be shot?” And then I also thought that I should have been grateful to be alive because I did it, and others didn’t..” tears made their way to your eyes, and Vada walked over, holding your hand to reassure you. “And now I’m here and I think, “out of all people, why did I have to survive?” But then I reply to this question, thinking that these boys and girls who died in here, they died somehow protecting us, and I feel guilty because no such thing should have ever happened to any of us. We are humans and we are just kids, none of this is fair. We have families, we have boyfriends and girlfriends…”
You squeezed Vada’s hand and briefly turned to look at her as you did “and there are also people who care about you that much to start a campaign for you, for this I would like to thank Mia Reed. Thank you for Saving my life” everyone applauded to her as you continue “and then I would like to thank Vada.. she’s been at my side ever since I was shot. She barely left the hospital, she took care of me, talked to me, read to me. Not once did she leave me alone and if this isn’t love I don’t know what is” you said and turned to look at her again. “I Love you so much Vada.” You said and pulled her in for a kiss, one you both have been craving for long now. Everyone in the gym applauded as both of you soon pulled back, foreheads touching each other’s.
“I love you too baby. So much.”
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hemeruni · 5 months
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Well. Here’s what I’ve been planning on doing… I’d like to introduce you all to-
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The FIRST ANNUAL tumblr User hemeruni direct, a special event where I get to actually go into more detail about the projects I’m currently more so focused on, while giving important news to what’s next on our menus.
Now let’s go ahead and get this show rolling shall we?
NURSE PHILLY UPDATES
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As you know, Nurse Philly has been placed on the back burner for a while as I took the time to work on my other projects. But, starting today, I’m working full speed ahead to officially get the Askblog up and rolling! The scripting process has been tough, but a rough outline has been finished and a overall timeline of arcs and events are all laid out, so it shouldn’t be long for you all to see the nurse in person!
I’m not the type to give out dates, but expect this hush puppy to start around mid-late 2024.
Alright we’re getting the hang of things! What’s next?
GLIMMERLOVE NEWS
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This project started as a one off post that quickly spiraled into one of my favorite projects thus far under the hemeruni brand. While there isn’t plans to get a Askblog rolling anytime soon, the askbox will always be open for asking questions to these mysterious folk.
This project doesn’t have much besides that, but if things change revolving my work ethic, I’ll surely consider it.
No date on this one, as it’s currently in a fine state from where I’m seeing it.
HAPPY HATCHDAY HEMMY!!!
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By the time I’m writing this, Hemera’s birthday is still ongoing and it might honestly been the most exciting days I’ve had in a long time, considering the fact that I’ve just… haven’t been active as much.
This fox means so much to me and I have Sparklecare and only Sparklecare to thank for creating such a wonderful creature that deserves everything wonderful on this blue marble of a planet.
I love you Hemmy, don’t stop being you.
Me and Uni are making a coffee shop au
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Yeah idk what else to say
It’s news to me but I’m just posting this since I thought the idea was funny.
Personal au?? I think?? Only WE get to make one not YOU /J
Now. I mentioned something at the beginning of the whole thing about a change that is going to happen. Before we end this, I might as well say what I want to say.
The Future.
I’m breaking away from this community, for my own mental sake. I’m saying this with a heavy heart, knowing that this whole 'fame' thing isn’t something I enjoy. Besides fame, I’ve been so caught up in comments and reblogs that it mentally drains me to see one post that I spent less time on doing better then one I actually put my effort into.
This culminated in a unfollow from the official Sparklecare account that I’m still assuming is over the criticblog situation. Nevertheless, it left me bed ridden for weeks, realizing that what I worked so hard for was taken from my own dumb mistake.
That taught me a valuable lesson though, which is why I’m finally deciding to just cut contact with the community entirely, besides friend groups and servers I’m in you won’t really see me active on my main, mostly just au updates.
That also means I’m no longer reblogging stuff to my main account, but I’ve already came up with a solution revolving a account called hemerunireblogs (which will be linked later down the line)
That’s the most you’ll see me interacting with this community, I hope you can understand.
Now.
We’ve reached an absolute.
The End.
I wish things could’ve been different, but it’s either I continue down this path and further ruin myself for others sakes, or I finally start to work on myself again. In the end, I decided to choose myself. Call me selfish, I could care less.
For some, I’d like to wish the best, even though we may have not talked much, I’d love to see you again sometime soon.
You all have been a wonderful audience, I hope you all had a wonderful Hemmy Hatchday. Good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight my friends.
-Mx. Hemmy
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So you wanna sell your art on Redbubble but you don't know how?
(Or, I meant to write this months ago but better late than never lol)
OKAY okay. I have a bunch of friends as well as mutuals who have lovely lovely art and have considered selling it online (specifically on Redbubble lol that's what's being covered today anyways) but don't really have any clue how RB works, if it's right for them, or what to expect. SO I'M HERE TO GUIDE Y'ALL THROUGH ALL THE BASICS and hopefully, if I've done my job right, this tutorial will help you set up your RB shop and start selling your art online (or help you decide that RB isn't for you lol).
Table of Contents:
What the heck is RedBubble and should I use it?
How to make your account and set up payment
How to add a new work
Pricing? Markup?
Extra: Checking sales and payment history
Extra: Taxes and copyright, in case that scares you.
Extra: The Partner Program (or how to make "officially licensed" fanart)
What the heck is RedBubble and should I use it?
>> RedBubble is a site that allows you to upload your artwork and sell it on quite a variety of different products.
>> The main benefit of using RedBubble, aside from reach and visibility, is that RB handles *everything* when it comes to the manufacturing and shipment of your product. You are literally not responsible for anything other than making the art, uploading it, and deciding how you want it to look on different products. If there is any kind of problem with material quality or delivery (though in my experience they're pretty good with both of those things), it's not your responsibility to correct!
>> RedBubble does not charge you to sell on their site, but they do set a base price for all products to cover manufacturing and to ensure that they make some level of profit for each sale. We'll look into the specifics of this in a later section when discussing pricing and markup, but it would be considered pretty standard, for example, for an item to cost $20 and you to make $4-$5 upon making a sale.
>> At the end of the day, whether or not RB is right for you largely depends on whether or not you feel their pricing and payment is fair, and whether their available products correspond to what you wish to sell.
Okay, so how do I get started?
Well first you're gonna need an account!
>> Head over to the RedBubble main page and click "Sign Up"
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>> Select "Artist Signup"
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>> Fill in your email, shop name (this is your username also), and password
>> Click "Sign Up"
>> You will be brought to this dashboard page:
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>> We will discuss creating products in the next section. Everything under "Set Up Shop" is optional and I'll let you explore that on your own so we can focus on the essentials. That just leaves... Getting paid!
>> First, check the email you used to confirm your email address. If you didn't receive an email to confirm your email address, don't worry, we can resend the form- keep going with the steps for now.
>> Then, under "Get Paid", click "Add your name & address". Note that all of the options in the "Get Paid" section actually lead to the same form, but selecting this option starts us near the top.
>> Fill out all the fields on this page. If you didn't receive the email to confirm your email address, click on this button:
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Then check your email again.
>> Note when choosing your payment method: if you are from Canada, like me, then paypal is your only option. Same for parts of Europe that aren't in the UK. Otherwise, you also have bank transfer options:
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>> Once you've finished filling in everything on this page, click "Save Changes" at the bottom and... That's it! Now you can get paid :)
**Note: I believe RB still requires you to make a minimum amount of money before they do a transfer (for me in Canada I believe it's $20 CAD?), so do keep that in mind!
>> Payments are made to your account monthly, generally on the same day every month (assuming you've made profits!).
How to add a new work
So you've made your account, fantastic. Now you're ready to actually add your works to RB and make them available for purchase to the wider public! To demonstrate the process, we're gonna use our pal Nicky here (who was a gift from my lovely friend @llumimoon) and pretend that we want to upload him:
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Ain't he a doll? Anyways, let's begin.
>> Hover your mouse over your pfp in the top right corner to make this drop down menu appear:
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>> Click on "Add New Work"
**On a new account with nothing uploaded, this will look a bit different. instead choose "Sell Your Art" from this dropdown menu, then "Add New Work" from the top right corner of the same dashboard page from earlier.
>> Click on "Upload New Work" (and note the file type and resolution requirements at the bottom. I always stick with PNGs, but in theory JPEG or GIF works as well.)
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>> Select the file of the image you want to upload. In our case, that's Nicky.
>> Now write a title for your work, tags, and a description if you want. The tagging system is how people will actually find your work, it works a lot like Tumblr's! Try to choose things that are relevant to whatever your piece is. If you're uploading fandom-related art and aren't sure what tags are used for your fandom on RB, try looking some up and seeing what generates the most relevant results!
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>> You may have noticed the "background color" section right below Nicky. This sets the default background color for your piece on different products. We're gonna keep this as the default white here, and I'll show you how to adjust this for individual products very soon.
>> Scroll down. This is where we decide what products we want this design to be available on and how we want Nicky to look on each thing we've enabled.
For example, if I were actually selling Nicky here (if that wasn't clear obviously I'm not actually selling my friend's art lol don't do that ofc) I would definitely want people to be able to buy him as a little sticker :]
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>> In this case, "Stickers & Magnets" have been enabled by default. If you wanted to disable them, you would simply click that little "Enabled" button. Similarly, if we want to enable a product type that is disabled, just click that same button (which will be grey rather than green and say "disabled").
>> If a product is disabled and you are being prevented from enabling it, that's because the dimensions of your image are too small for the product in question! You'll wanna resize your image (preferably in a manner that retains its resolution of course) and come back.
>> Hm. Let's use the hats here as an example of how we might make edits to the layout of a specific product.
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He's kind of cut off, as you can see actually that's pretty in-character, and I think I want this hat to be pink rather than this default beige-looking color.
>> Click on "Edit"
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So, the first thing I'm gonna do here is use that "Scale Image" slider to scale him down a bit. I'm also gonna click the image and drag him up a bit to re-center him.
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Next, I'm gonna pick from one of the default colors and choose the pink one.
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>> Notice the two arrows beside the words "Bucket Hat"? This lets me go through the different types of hats available and change the background/base color for each of those, like the dad hat:
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>> Before we apply our changes, click that little gear icon right under the pencil icon
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>> This lets us adjust the markup price for each individual hat. It is 20% by default. Changing the markup percentage affects how much you will make off of a sale, as well as how much your product will cost. More on that in the next section!
>> Click "Apply Changes"
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The "dad hat" was the last hat I had selected (when setting its color), so the display has changed to show that one in the preview. Here's our bucket hat from before:
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Nice!
>> The specifics of how you can adjust your design will vary depending on the product. With pillows & totes, for example, the editing menu looks like this:
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Using the "Choose pattern" option, I can make the Nicky image repeat as a pattern like so:
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(note that I also scaled the image down a bit here too).
>> One last thing. See that "Replace Image" button near the top?
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You can use this when you want to use a different version of your image altogether for a specific product.
>> That's the gist! Play around with the settings for each item as you see fit. You can always edit them again later.
>> Scroll down. Select up to 2 relevant media types.
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I'm pretty sure this affects search results when users choose specific filters, but tbh otherwise I don't think it's all too important.
>> Let's look at what remains.
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>> I have the "Who can view this work?" section set to "Only You"- THIS IS SO I CAN FINISH THE STEPS HERE AND SAVE THE WORK WITHOUT ACTUALLY MAKING IT AVAILABLE TO THE PUBLIC. In practice, you'd only use this option if you wanted to buy your own work on something but didn't want other people to be able to see or buy it. Otherwise, you're always gonna choose "Anybody (public)".
>> Collections can be created to organize the pieces in your shop (for example, by fandom), but we won't cover the specifics of how to do that here.
>> Set whether or not your work contains "mature content".
>> If you want, you can set which product shows up in the preview for your work when people view your shop. If you think your piece looks especially nice on a mug, for example, you can make sure that's what people see first.
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>> Finally, agree to RedBubble's User Agreement (read that little blurble, since that's basically all you generally need to care about when it comes to what you can and can't sell on RB, but more on that later).
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>> Click "Save Work" and voila! Your piece is now available in your shop, and can be found in the search results of whatever tags you left on it (this may take a few minutes to take effect).
>> If you want to check out your design in your shop, navigate to your pfp and click "View shop"
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>> Don't fret if the design doesn't appear in your shop right away! Again, this can take several minutes.
>> To edit your design again (and to view/purchase privately uploaded designs like Nicky here), click the "Manage Portfolio" option instead:
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>> Here is Nicky as he appears in my portfolio (again, your portfolio and your shop are different things- Nicky will not appear in my shop at all because he is set to "private")
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>> You can click that little gear icon to do a variety of things, like return to the editing menu from earlier. The three icons below Nicky refer to the amount of comments, sales, and likes your design has received in total.
>> Click on your design either from your shop page or your portfolio page. Wow! Your cool art is now available on all the products you enabled. Be sure to look through them and make sure that everything is to your liking!
Pricing? Markup? What's that about?
Well good tumblr user, RB handles everything regarding the production (and shipping) of your product, which means that they set a base (minimum) price for every kind of product to account for materials and production, and of course make some amount of profit themselves. The *markup* is a percentage that you the artist set (see the previous section on how to do so), and will determine how much you actually make off of a sale. Note that increasing the markup price means that your product will increase in price as well!
>> An Example (using hypothetical but more or less realistic numbers):
Let's say that the base price (0% markup, i.e. no profit for you) of a phone case on RB is $15. You set the markup to 30%. 30% of 15 is 4.5, so the public price is increased to $19.5, and if anyone purchases this phone case with your design on it, you will make $4.5.
And that's really the gist! Ultimately the markup price is up to you and what you feel is reasonable, though RB sets it to 20% by default.
Extra: Checking sales and payment history
Eheh, unfortunately I've reached the image limit for this post but:
To check your sales:
>> Click on your pfp
>> Click "Account Settings"
>> Under "Artist Tools" (on the left side), click "Sales History"
To check your payment history:
>> From the same "Artist Tools" menu (see above), click "Payment History"
Extra: Taxes and copyright, in case that scares you.
>> Do I need to report the income I make on RB when I do my taxes?
Yup! But dw, it isn't anything special. I mean, I'm not here to do your taxes for you, but money you make on Redbubble counts as "Self-Employment Income", same as if you sold your art just about anywhere else really!
>> So what am I actually allowed to sell on Redbubble? Is fanart okay?
Generally speaking... Yes! Obviously work should be your own, and it should not contain any company logos or names that you don't have the right to, nor photos of actual people unless you have their explicit permission.
>> Hm, okay, but what if I *do* accidentally sell something that isn't allowed?
In most cases, it'll just get taken down 👍. And no, you won't be asked to pay back any profits you made off the work in the meantime.
**A more extreme case: Story time. So, years ago a friend of mine uploaded some official Rick and Morty art that he forgot to set to "private". Overnight he made... Let's just say he made quite a bit of money. RB responded by taking down the work and banning his IP address, effectively preventing him from ever selling on the site again. But they still let him keep the money he made, and he didn't get into any actual trouble outside of that. What I'm saying is, even if you really fuck up, it'll be alright. And again, this was a pretty extreme scenario.
***Note: if your work falls under one of the brands in Redbubble's "Partner Program" (see the next section), it will be temporarily removed from the search results and your shop while it undergoes review. So don't panic if you see your fanart suddenly disappear from your shop!
Extra: The Partner Program (or how to make "officially licensed" fanart)
Very briefly, Redbubble has their partner program, which I won't explain in full detail here, but basically it means that if you upload a work and tag it as one of these brands, it will be inspected for review and, upon passing that brand's guidelines, will be considered "officially licensed" merch for that brand. Just felt worth mentioning!
So that's really the gist folks! There's certainly much more to play around with when it comes to RB, but that's all you need to know to get started! Hopefully this was useful? Hopefully lol. In any case, good luck out there!
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loveislandthegame · 3 months
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thoughts on today's volume ! once again, everything is revolving around kat and finn, at this point i just start speed tapping if either one of them is on the screen
all the unofficial couples are a bit disorienting, but i actually do like the islanders exploring different relationships, as opposed to that *everyone sticking together because FB is too lazy for branching* shit that's been prevalent in the latest seasons . i hope that things actually shake up at the next recoupling
FB made the genius decision of showing the new guys in the menu, so it wasn't a surprise what they looked like. i ended up picking lyle ! he's so cute (so is jude, but he reminds me too much of one of my friends...😭)
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and my wishes came true, our queen KELLY is back ! she looks adorable too, honestly my only complaint is that her new lingerie looks kinda weird . they should've just used her unseen sleepwear (i get that an oversized shirt isn't exactly "sexy," but it's so cuteeee)
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plus she's an LI ‼️ i think season 4 already hinted at her being bi, but as we know, poor girl was in the villa for like a grand total of 12 hours
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next up is truth or dare . i've already said before i'm not romancing finn, but i still slammed that "kiss finn with a guy of your choice" button
okayyy Challengers (2024) 😍
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then i had the gem scene kiss with kelly <3
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of course it wouldn't be a LITG challenge without an islander killing the vibe by saying some random out of pocket shit ...like what ?😭 stefan hasn't even showed up yet and i'm already sick of him (and as much as i love natasha, why tf does she keep bringing him up ?? especially when you're romancing her)
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natasha and melissa apologise, finn and kat argue for the one millionth time, and i went to a...treehouse with chen? i'm not even gonna ask when tf the villa got a treehouse . i didn't take a screenshot but the background looked nice
next up is a girl's choice recoupling, it'll be interesting to see what our options are. it'd be a perfect opportunity for kelly, natasha, and hamish romancers
but tbh i predict that it'll end up being complete bullshit, starting with kelly picking finn & ending with MC only being able to choose between henri/chen or jude/lyle 😭
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bumblebeerror · 2 years
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It’s been on my mind today but I need you to know.
Hitting 25 has been one of the best things to ever happen to me.
I don’t say this lightly - I lost my father who I loved dearly at age 18, I grew up a bit above the poverty line and now only *just* live above it. I’ve been treated for severe mental illness and learning disabilities since I was a child, starting at 6 years old. I have a physical disability and chronic pain. I have had some bad fuckin times, I’ve been through my share, and I’ll go through more I’m sure.
But I can tell you I feel so much better mentally at age 25, unable to stand for more than an hour or so without severe pain, on a consistent schedule of prescribed pain pills, discovering just how hard I was masking some pretty serious autism, struggling with my ADHD meds being less effective, and only leaving the house three total times a week because I’m immunocompromised than I was at age 13 when “all my problems were school”.
Because at age 10, nobody close to me had ever died before. At age 11, I had never lived in a new place before. At age 12, I had never felt so cold and empty and tired. I’d never endured my peers teasing me for crying about a death in my family. At age 13 I had never felt like I wanted to die before then, like the world was on fire, like it was ending. At age 14 I hadn’t known what it felt like to have period cramps so bad my mother sent me to school with a muscle relaxer and still had to pick me up by lunch, to have this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that being a girl was a lie and I was a liar. At age 15 I’d never had people remind me so viciously that I wasn’t like them, I’d never felt so throughly upset by the idea of one more person calling me she. At age 16 I’d never had my heart broken before, I’d never dealt with a friend turning on me completely. At age 17, I’d never had my family feel so broken. At age 18, I’d been petrified of the idea of my father dying, and he did. At age 19, I’d never actually thought about how I would kill myself before. At 20, I’d never gotten drunk before. At 21, I’d never gone inside a bar.
You get the picture.
Your teen years suck because you’ve never done so much shit, and on top of the terrifying experience of doing it all for the first time, you also have all your peers picking at you for doing it wrong the first time. Your teen years suck because they are chaotic and new and stressful and you don’t know how to handle them yet. You’re not supposed to know yet.
Hitting 25 was the realization that I wasn’t going to just up and die, that now I have to actually plan. I have to do taxes, and that I actually know how to. That I have to care for my pets and I know how to. That I have to drive to work and do my job and I know how to.
25 was what made me realize that I had things I was supposed to be around for. People and pets who relied on me, who loved me and needed me and wanted me.
That I can have a panic attack and know that I’m having one. That something can piss me off and I know I can take a moment before I respond. The awareness that I do not have to do everything for the first time all the time anymore, that I know stuff, that I’ve been around the block and can use those tools is INVALUABLE. The fact that I can look at my intrusive thoughts and, if I truly wanted to, CHOOSE to indulge them? That I can sit here and be the cat that doesn’t wish to go to the vet and the concerned cat owner?
It changes everything.
It was the realization that I am the one punishing myself. That I can and should respect myself as a person because it means I can respect more deeply the care that other people have for me. It sounds so stupid when I explain it but it’s absolutely a whole different ball game.
The fact that I think the only thing that could severely tank my mental health is if I were to become homeless in winter or actively abused or something similar should speak volumes to you what I mean when I say that not having to do everything for the first time all the time is a huge mental weight off you.
I promise. It will feel better when you are 25. I promise that even if it isn’t fixed, it will be easier. And if I’m wrong when you hit 25, you can come yell at me about it. Probably I’ll still be here.
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disenchantingwrites · 2 years
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Rainbow Nails • G.W
Gerard's trying to mind his own business, but suddenly you attack him with several bottles of nail polish and demand that you paint his nails.
Gerard Way x GN!Reader
A/N: i've been addicted to painting my nails lately, and decided to project my own wishes with this ficlet. <3
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(626 words)
With North America's tour leg having ended a short while ago, Gerard was more than happy to take some time to relax before they had to return to the stage. Most of it was spent with you, whenever you were available, or he used the time to write more lyrics or draw, or plan the fourth instalment for Umbrella Academy.
Today, however, was different. You had a day off work, yet Gerard had not seen you since that morning, as you'd claimed you had things to do in the room you'd claimed as an 'emergency office' for yourself. It was only there due to you being forced to stay home when the pandemic was rampant, but now you rarely touched it. However, today, Gerard hadn't seen you leave it once.
So he remained in the living room, taking a rare look at the tags and mentions that came up on their social media. The joy from the fans only solidified the grin that settled upon his face and cemented the zealous feeling which had resided within him over the past few months.
"Gee!" They barely managed to react to your call before you bounded over and spilled the contents of your arms over the coffee table. Confounded, Gerard tucked his phone away and sat straighter, taking in the sight before him.
"Why do you have tons of nail polish?" He inquired, unable to contain the laugh that ticked his throat.
"I want to paint your nails, obviously," you replied with a roll of your eyes.
They eyed your own hands as you scrounged up the bottles which had fallen to the floor. "Don't tell me I haven't seen you all day because you were doing your nails."
You frowned, then glanced at where their eyes were fixed, and let out a soft laugh. "No, don't worry. I actually was doing some work I needed to finish, but then I got bored and dug these out from... pretty much everywhere. I didn't realise we were such nail polish hoarders."
"I'm not surprised by it," Gerard hummed, taking a survey of the colours you displayed in front of him.
"Now," you began, "I can keep it simple, if you want, or you can have a little fun with it and let me add some funky designs." You held out your hands, displaying the small pumpkin and ghost you'd added to your pinkies. "The only rule is that you have to chose more than one colour, otherwise it's boring."
"I have to?" Gerard faked a frown. You nodded, now frowning yourself, befuddled by their reaction. "Well, I guess you won't mind if I choose a colour for every finger then."
You grinned and slightly narrowed your eyes at your husband for concerning you. "Okay, you can pick ten, but do you want glitter top coat, holographic, or just a plain?"
"Let's just do plain for now, just so we don't overdo it." You nodded, accepting his choice.
"You know," you spoke up, resting your arms on the table, followed by your head on your arms as you peered up at Gerard.
"Hm?" Gerard hummed, glancing over to you as he began to select the colours they wanted.
"I really love you when you do this like this with me," you finished, your lips curling into a tender grin as Gerard's attention returned to you.
"Has anyone ever told you you're a sap?" Gerard teased, toying with one of the nail polish bottles.
"You, funnily enough," you replied, unable to bite back your amused smile, "all the time."
Gerard let out a soft chuckle. "Hm, probably because I love you for that."
"Gee," you cooed. "Okay, no, stop, before I start crying. I need to do your nails."
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spacecluster · 1 year
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I've got something to share about the Barbie movie that I should probably be sharing with a therapist but I don't have one so it's going here instead
I've been seeing so many posts on Tumblr tiktok and on Instagram and just really everywhere about the Barbie movie and how amazing it was, and don't get me wrong I'm not about to say that the Barbie movie is not amazing because it genuinely is. it is genuinely such an amazing movie. what's bothering me is all of the posts of these girls who are like "I miss being a little girl I want to go back to being a little girl" and I was just like watching one of these posts and I was thinking to myself 'God what I would give to be 5 years old again and how much more would I cherish it knowing what I know now, knowing that I don't get to go back' and then I stopped
And I thought to myself
'Okay but lilly,
You don't get to go back
Time as you perceive it
Will only ever move
Forward.
You never get to go back but you're spending all of this time now wishing that you could go back.'
Why are you doing this to yourself? why are you treating the past like it's some wonderful thing and the present has absolutely no potential because you're looking at the past with this lens - and I'm still talking to myself here when I say you - you're looking at the past with this lens of "I would change this if I could go back. I wouldn't waste my time on this. I would do this instead if I could go back to being five." but like
You don't.
You don't ever get to go back. And doesn't that make the present so much better? The gift of the present is knowing what has already happened in the past and being able to look forward to the future, which, as I'm saying it, is kind of the point that I noticed in the Barbie movie now that I'm thinking about it.
And the thing is, I'm spending my twenties wishing I could go back to my teens and I spent my teens wishing I could go back to being a small child. I don't want to be 30 and wishing I could go back to 20 and change all the stuff. Why would I want that when I could just stop living for my teenage self and start living for my 20 year old self so that my 30 year old self has permission and has the time and has the mental space to live for herself because all of the time and the mental space and the energy isn't being stuck on nostalgia and wishing that I had done this that or the other because right now I have the power to choose this side or the other I mean I'm only 22 for fuck sake why why spend another 10 years wasting the time that I have now wishing that I hadn't wasted the time that I had before so that when I get older so that later I just have to waste that time wishing that I had spent this time better
Sorry I'm using text to speech to type this right now but I'm I'm actually I'm going to go out and do something tomorrow. I'm going to go out and do something that I've always wanted to do I don't know what yet maybe. I'm going to go and watch a movie by myself all by myself on my own. I already jumped in a pool fully clothed today cross that off the bucket list. I'm going to go to a movie by myself do I have the money for it? no. do I have a job to recoup money for it? no. am I going to do it anyway? yeah because I only get to be 22 once and then I'll be 23 and I don't want to spend 23 wishing that 22 had been different when I could just make it different now
Oh my God the Barbie movie is so good
Anyway if anyone wants to give me like. A dollar? I guess? Hit me up? Idk it's 3 am I'm gonna go fold my clothes now goodnight
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claypigeonpottery · 1 year
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Heyyyyy~ I'm just... So in love with all the work you do, they're all so precious and beautiful I'm in tears. Thank you so for what you do, can't wait to buy something you made soon :D
If it's okei, can you please tell the story of how you got into this and how did you progress from being babie artist to now growing artist and how long you've been doing this for? What's your top 3 fav works you've done? Did you eat good food today, if not please dooo. Thenks
thank you! that's very sweet x3 I'm excited to get more stuff fired and up on Etsy, hopefully before the end of June
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choose three favourites of my work? oh, that is a difficult question.
one thing I really didn't like about my art when I was younger was that it was all very static. it was people sitting or standing, it was still life paintings. one of the things I'm really proud of in my work now is the sense of capturing a moment instead of someone posing, and/or giving a sense of movement
these two are just the opposite of static and I love them for that
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and then there's this mug. the design is great, the details are great and I had so much fun carving it. it was honestly just delightful and I wish I'd kept it. I don't say that very often.
all sold
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I'm putting the rest of this under a cut because I'm going to ramble
I started drawing because I was making silly comics about me and my friends in grade school and through high school (I assigned them all fursonas because I was a really cool 15 year old lol)
I got a little more serious about art in high school, but I never thought it'd be something I'd make money at.
when I was... in my early twenties? maybe 19 still? ah, memory issues, I went through a nine month art program, the 'Urban Canvas' project run by SCYAP (saskatoon community youth arts programming). the program is meant to support young artists, especially those with mental health or addiction issues. and it meant I got paid to draw and paint and create weird shit for 40 hours a week, for nine months. and then some (seven? eight?) years later I got to go through the program again which... honestly I'm so grateful I got to do that. (and SCYAP still supports me, they give me a table at their craft show every year and helped me with my first solo gallery show)
these are some of the pieces I made during my time at SCYAP:
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and two very rare pictures of me, posing with two of my master studies. the left from when I was 20ish, and the right when I was... 27ish? (man I'm still proud of that Gentileschi copy)
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it was after SCYAP when I started thinking that I could actually make money as an artist. so I painted more than a dozen murals, drew a 20-some page full colour comic, painted pet portraits, and sold my own paintings. commissions were more reliable than selling my own work for a long time lol
as for how I got into pottery, my mental health uh... haha. it took a nosedive about six years ago and during some of the worst of it, I was severely agoraphobic. my mom, who has always supported my art, offered to take me to pottery classes with her, in an attempt to get me leaving the house at least once a week. it did help (along with a lot of other things) and once I started exploring the surface decoration side of pottery, things really clicked for me
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tangent: one of the things that really drove me to progress as an artist was having something driving my work. whether it was preparing for a gallery show or making a bunch of holiday cards or making piles of fan art because I was obsessed. every time I made something, anything, I improved. so when I had a goal that made me create more, I improved faster.
my unsolicited advice: make that weird fan art. it's good for your art. (I was really into tf2 lol)
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I've tried tons of different mediums and I think it was a great way to help my style evolve.
when you're making art with a new medium, it might take awhile before you're making your own personal work. I, at least, find that I usually have to do some studies of other peoples' art and just try some basic creations before I do anything more personal. but once I'm ready to do MY stuff, I have a new repertoire to pull from. I wouldn't be the potter I am if I didn't have the experiences I got from other mediums
like acrylics (I did a lot of self portraits >.>)
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paper flower making
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watercolour
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collage
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cake decorating
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(also oil paints, pastels, 3D wire art, crochet, linocut, stone carving, sewing, set painting and quilting. also my spouse and I like to make crafts together, like cutting-construction-paper, gluing-pompoms-and-googly-eyes crafts, because it's just fun to make stuff together)
I'm sure pottery isn't the last medium I'm gonna try. I'll probably get obsessed with carving tiny wooden figurines or making wax sculptures at some point. who knows!
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and now I'm in my mid-thirties, making art pretty much every day. I've been doing this since I was a teenager, so almost twenty years now.
I never imagined I'd be satisfied with my own art, that I could look at most of my pieces and not see how I could have done it better, but hey, here I am.
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wow that was rambly. the ADHD really comes out when I'm writing lol. and I did eat real food today! before having some freezies
thanks so much for your ask, hopefully I satisfied your curiosity
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