#it also does not help that I daydream like 50% of the day and sometimes can’t decipher if I just daydreamed a fact or if it really happened | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

uncloseted · 3 years

Note

What are some effective waya to become more productive?

what are some effective ways 2 be productive?

First things first, figure out what the problem actually is. Why are you struggling to be productive? Is it because you're a perfectionist and the idea of not doing the task perfectly stresses you out? Is it because you're lacking the motivation to do anything? Is it because you're struggling to concentrate, or because you're overwhelmed by the task, or because you don't know where to begin? There are tons of reasons why you might be struggling with productivity, and figuring out what the roadblocks you're encountering are can help you to find ways around them. Since I can't read your mind, I'm going to try and give advice that will work for most of the roadblocks you might encounter.

When it comes to big things, I recommend using the SMARTER & WOOP methods. SMARTER and WOOP are two tools that are really useful for behavior modification and other long-term goals you might have.

SMART(ER) is a tool to help you set the right goals for you. Too often, we set goals like “I’m going to start exercising” or “I’m going to quit going on my phone”. Those are great in theory, but without an action plan, it’s easy to not follow through.

SMARTER goals are ones that are:

Specific (simple, sensible, significant).

If your goal isn’t specific, you won’t be able to focus your efforts or feel motivated to achieve it.

Try to answer: what do I want to accomplish? Why is this goal important? Who is involved? Where is it located? Which resources or limits are involved?

Measurable (meaningful, motivating).

Having measurable goals is important because it allows you to track your progress and stay motivated by seeing how far you’ve come.

A measurable goal should be one that answers “how much”, “how many” and “how will I know when it’s accomplished”?

Achievable (agreed, attainable).

Your goal needs to be realistic in order for you to stay motivated and be successful. If you’re aiming too high, you’ll become demotivated quickly because it doesn’t feel like you’re making progress.

An achievable goal requires you to ask “how can I accomplish this goal” and “how realistic is this goal based on other constraints?”

Relevant (reasonable, realistic and resourced, results-based).

Relevant goals are ones that matter to you. Make sure that these goals are ones that are important to you, not ones that you think you should be pursuing.

A relevant goal is one that can answer “yes” to the following questions: “does this seem worthwhile?”, “is this the right time?”, “does this match my other efforts/needs?”, “is it applicable in my current socio-economic environment?”

Time bound (time-based, time limited, time/cost limited, timely, time-sensitive).

Every goal needs a target date so that you have a deadline you can focus on and work toward.

A time sensitive goal is one that answers “when?”, “what can I do six months from now?”, “what can I do six weeks from now?”, and “what can I do today?”

Evaluate

Every day, evaluate how you’re doing on your goals. Long term goals can be easily ignored if they’re not evaluated every day, and if you don’t evaluate how you’re doing on your goals regularly, you might miss the things that are preventing you from achieving them.

Readjust

If you find that your approach isn’t working, you may need to readjust your goals. That doesn’t mean that you’re failing at your goals or that you should quit; it just means you have to rethink the approach you’re taking. Maybe the goal isn’t as relevant to you as you thought it would be, or it’s not as realistic as you expected, or your timeline is too short. Identify which part of your SMARTER goal is tripping you up and readjust it.

The best goals are ones that include trying new things instead of quitting old ones. Quitting things is hard; learning something new is easier and more exciting. If you’re looking to quit something, replace it by establishing a new habit that takes its place. For example, “I’m going to stop going on my phone,” is hard, but “when I feel like going on my phone, I’ll read a book for ten minutes instead” might be easier to maintain.

After you’ve figured out your SMARTER goal, it’s time to WOOP. WOOP is something like the scientifically proven cousin of “manifesting”. Just visualizing our goals or positive thinking on its own can be counterproductive, because it fools our lizard brains into believing that we’ve already achieved the goal. By using the WOOP method, you can prevent that from happening and actually achieve what you want to achieve.

WOOP stands for:

Wish: Identify a wish that is challenging, yet attainable. This should be your SMARTER goal.

Outcome: Imagine the best outcome as a result of your wish (as vividly as possible). Really daydream about what your life would be like if you achieved your goal.

Ask yourself, what is the biggest benefit you could receive from achieving this goal?

Obstacle: Identify and imagine what obstacles will get in the way of your wish.

What might get in the way? Thoughts, feelings, beliefs, old behavior patterns, bad habits, social pressure… identify as many as you can, then prioritize their likely they are to happen and how significant they would be if they did happen.

Plan: Create an if-then plan to overcome the obstacles you identified- “if [obstacle occurs] then I will [plan A].” Do your best to pick the most effective path you can for each obstacle, and identify a few different plans in case your first plan doesn’t work.

For example, if you wanted to start exercising, your WOOP might look like this:

Wish: Go on a run 3x/week after school/work for a month.

Outcome: Better energy, confidence, and health.

Obstacle: Feeling tired and hungry at the end of the day…Not wanting to go.

Plan: Pack a snack for the end of the day, and put on gym clothes right when you get home.

Or if you wanted to stop watching TV and read more:

Wish: Watch only 5 episodes of TV per week, and read when I feel the urge to watch TV for a month.

Outcome: Learn a lot. Get smarter. Feel better. Enjoy the great ideas. Feel like I’m spending my time wisely.

Obstacle: Not feeling like it. Preferring to watch TV.

P: If I catch myself watching TV, then I turn it off and start reading a book instead.

The last thing you can do to increase the chances that you’ll achieve your goal is to get someone else involved. Either find a friend who’s setting the same goal that you are, or tell someone about your goal and ask them to help you achieve it by checking up on you. It can also be helpful to put money on the line- give money to a friend with the understanding that you’ll get it back on a set date if you’ve achieved your goal. If you really want to ensure that you reach your goal, tell your friend that if you fail, they should donate the money to a group or cause that you really hate.

For smaller, more day to day tasks:

Make a list of everything you need to do. Sort them into four categories- tasks that are Urgent & Important, tasks that are Not Urgent & Important tasks that are Not Important but Urgent, and tasks that are neither Urgent nor Important. Focus first on the tasks that are Urgent & Important. This can help you prioritize which things to work on first.

From there, take a look at each individual task and break it down into very small steps that you can't fuck up. These can be as small as "open laptop", "open Google Docs", "write name at top of the page", etc. If it helps, you can assign each one of these steps a point count, and then give yourself a treat once you collect enough points (10 points, 20 points, 50 points, and so on).

Once you have your list and have identified all of the steps, just do the first step. It can be daunting to start a big project or task; it's way easier to just do one thing. And once you do one thing, it feels easier to do just one more thing, and just one more thing, and so on until the task is complete.

Once you build up some momentum, I would recommend using the Pomodoro technique. Work for 20-25 minutes (or as long as you can really focus) and then take a 5-10 minute break. Stand up, get a drink, get a snack, watch a short TV episode or a YouTube video, look up that thing that was on your mind, whatever will give your brain a break. Then, set another 20-25 minute timer and get back to work. After three or four cycles of working and taking a short break, take a longer break.

A few other things that I think it's important to remember when it comes to productivity.

Anything worth doing is worth doing badly. You don't need to finish things, and you don't need to do them perfectly. If it's a choice between doing something badly or not doing it at all, it's always better to do it badly.

You don't need to do things the way other people would do them- do it how it works for you. Sometimes that won't make sense to other people, but that's all right. The only person it has to work for is you. If bouncing back and forth between different tasks works better for you than focusing on one task until it's done, then bounce back and forth between tasks. That's okay.

It's okay to ask for help. If you have trouble doing things, that's okay- find someone who can assist you. Maybe you're bad at projects that don't have someone to be accountable to. Find a friend who will hold you accountable. Maybe you're bad at projects without deadlines. Set deadlines for yourself and get someone to make sure you meet them. Sometimes you don't need to work through your shortcomings- you just need to find a way around them.

#advice #executive dysfunction #motivation #productivity #adhd tips #goals #goal setting #studymotivation

122 notes · View notes

arminhug · 3 years

Note

THE ARMIN CONTENT IN YOUR STONER AU WAS *chefs kiss* would you ever consider writing more just for Armin?

YES???? bold of u to assume i don’t already constantly daydream about armin and have an extensive mental list of hcs for stoned armin anon xo

☄. *. ⋆ armin arlert stoner au! headcanons ☄. *. ⋆

tw: drugs. please read at your own discretion.

hoo boy the number of times i wish i could smoke up with this boy

i think that because he grew up as the textbook teacher’s pet smart kid, he was dead set against drugs until he got to high school and a couple of his friends started to experiment with alcohol/drugs as they got older

it definitely freaked him out at first because he was so used to hearing of all the dangers and terrors of narcotics at school that he learned to associate drugs and alcohol with only danger.

i think he finally gave in and tried pot when he was 17/18 because he’d had a hell of a day, was feeling incredibly anxious and eren brought up the idea of smoking some of a new indica based strain he’d bought

my man is so lucky to have eren by his side to have taught him how to smoke properly because he wouldn’t have known.

definitely coughed his lungs up the first time he’s asthmatic LOL. probably still coughs quite a bit even though he’s a pretty seasoned stoner (no shame in it homies. i’m not even asthmatic and i’m a frequent smoker who still occasionally dies from coughing)

he views getting high as an after college/work treat, especially if it’s been particularly busy or stressful, and won’t get high until he’s finished all of his work for that day

i don’t think he’d mind group seshes, especially with his closest friends, but he’d definitely prefer smoking with just eren or his s/o.

ok so it’s been established that armin loses every one of his damn brain cells when stoned and he forgets things a bit too easily. he may or may not have ordered food for his s/o and himself, forgotten that he ordered and then ordered more food.

pls just imagine the pizza guy arriving with three lots of pizza and armin is just there like 🧍why is there so much food y’all would be eating pizza all night, for breakfast and lunch the next day

i don’t imagine him to be the hungriest stoner in the world, but when he does get hungry he won’t shut the fuck up about food. pls order him a chinese so he can just scran

pls pls watch an ocean documentary with him. he’s already so excited by the ocean whilst sober, but high armin will be absolutely entranced i love him sm

JUST IMAGINE HIS FACE WHEN HE WATCHES THE MARINE LIFE ON THE TELEVISION, HE’D HAVE THE BIGGEST GRIN!!!! AND HE’D POINT OUT HIS FAVOURITE ANIMALS EVEN THOUGH HE PROBABLY FORGETS WHAT THEY’RE CALLED

he always likes to have eren, mikasa or his s/o nearby when high because he is known to get paranoid on occasions and wants someone he trusts fully to help calm him down

he’s 50/50 when he’s high. sometimes he’s completely zoned out, grinning, just absorbing the vibes like a damn shamwow

but the other half he will latch onto someone the entire night and talk their ear off. sometimes it’s actually quite profound (although not necessarily intellectual) and other times it’s just “hi there i was wondering if you can help me find this song so we can listen to it, it goes nananananana DOO DOO DOOOOO nananaaaaa na na-”

you have no idea what the fuck he’s trying to sing

“no it’s ok you can just shazam my singing”

you definitely cannot

i think he’d want to beach house, sea fret and tv girl while high. also would be a fan of lofi but it isn’t his go-to because he uses lofi to study and might end up worrying about his assignments even though he’s a good boy and has completed them all already

probably not the biggest fan of edibles because waiting for them to kick in makes him anxious and he feels like he has less control over the dose of thc.

PLS HE’D BE SO CUTE IF HE GREENED like just brush his hair from his eyes if he vomits and get this man some orange juice and when he’s finally well enough to move from the floor he’ll snuggle up to you all night

THE FIRST TIME HE GOT HIGH WITH THE CIRCLE HE STARTED OVERSHARING LIKE HELL AND IT WAS SO FUNNY CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE he would just pipe up with something random like “oh i think i jacked off to this song for the first time when i was 12-“ “OK ARMIN LET’S GET YOU A SNACK”

and mikasa definitely has multiple videos of him trying to look for his glasses whilst he’s wearing them or similar dumb stoned armin antics for birthday posts

armin arlert get stoned and make out with me challenge bye

#tw: drugs #STONER ARMIN SUPREMACY #snk #snk modern au #armin arlert #armin snk #armin arlet #armin headcanons #armin arlert headcanons #armin #armin x reader #armin x you #armin x y/n #snk stoner au #aot #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan

64 notes · View notes

madd-information · 3 years

Note

Have you watched Kati Morton's new video about Maladaptive Daydreaming? What do you think about it?

[intro]

For years, I believed maladaptive daydreaming to be a form of dissociation, but it could also be added to the DSM as its own diagnosis, since it does have its own set of unique symptoms. Either way, at this time maladaptive daydreaming is not listed in the DSM as a diagnosable mental illness.

I was concerned because her last couple videos on the topic were very confusing to watch and seemed to conflate MD with the inner-worlds of DID. It looks like she has done some more research on it and is going to make a more informed video. This is great and I deeply appreciate that she’s taking the time to do a proper dive into this.

The closest diagnosis would be DPDR, or depersonalization derealization disorder. And this is the diagnosis given to those of us who struggle with dissociation. [explanation of DPDR]

Gonna need you to source that Katie, I’ve never heard an MD researcher say something like this. When they talk about MD they call it a behavioral addiction with OCD features which is related to dissociative absorption (different from derealization and depersonalization, these two dissociative experiences are not particularly significant in MD, though they can happen.)

These experiences are extremely common. It's estimated that half of all adults have had at least one episode of DPDR. 50% of people. That is a huge amount of people.

Cool but not sure it’s at all relevant to the video topic.

Also, it's important to mention that in 2016, four researchers put together the Maladaptive Daydreaming Scale, or MDS. This is a 14-item self-reported scale, meaning that you as the patient answers 14 questions based on your own maladaptive daydreaming experience.

It’s a 16 item scale now, it was changed very early on and has been 16 for years. This is a very small and forgivable knitpick, just fyi.

The MDS focuses on the content of our daydreams, how intense the urge to continue daydreaming is, and how much it impairs our ability to function in our lives, and the benefits and costs of our daydreaming. I am not personally familiar with this scale, nor have I used it in my practice, but I've linked the research article in the description if you wanna learn more about it.

A good description, and here’s that link again for anyone who wants to read about the finer details of this scale.

When it comes to maladaptive daydreaming, it isn't just feeling out of body or environment. We can create very intense and detailed daydreams with plots, characters, and very lifelike issues and storylines. Some people will get the plots for their daydreams from their real lives, while others can create a utopian place unlike their current experience.

Yep, decent overview of content, though content doesn’t matter that much. Also, use of “we”. Is Katie Morton an MDer or was this a creative choice? I don’t know, just a passing thought.

We can find ourselves staying in these daydreams for various amounts of time. And some of my patients have reported staying in them for hours. And many of you have let me know that you struggle to get out of them at all, spending days in this other life that we've created.

Yep, good overview, but more importantly she’s listening to her patients and the feedback of MDers in her audience.

...there are many causes for this, and the first I wanna address is trauma triggers. If we've experienced a trauma in our life, things that remind us of that time or situation can pull us into a flashback, cause us to dissociate, or in many cases push us into our maladaptive daydreams.

When our brain and the rest of our nervous system feels overwhelmed and unable to deal with what's going on in the moment, it can pull us out of our current situation through dissociation. I always talk about that, like our brain pulling the ripcord. And it can also utilize maladaptive daydreaming. It's a way to cope or get through an overwhelming situation when we don't have other skills to help calm our nervous system down. So we just rely on what we know, and that can be daydreaming or dissociating. It's almost like this coping skill protects us from having to feel traumatized again and so it takes us away, you know, drops us into a much safer and happier place.

Trauma is always talked about first when people do overviews of MD. She’s not wrong but just to add more information; about a quarter of MDers report trauma, the other 75(ish)% don’t. It’s a significant number but trauma is not the only pathway to MD. Sometimes people walk away from these videos feeling like “well, I don’t have any trauma, maybe I don’t really have MD”. That’s not a comment on what Katie has presented, she does go into other things below, just adding on.

Another cause or trigger can be high levels of stress or anxiety. We can slowly feel ourselves become more and more overwhelmed until our brain pulls us out of our reality and into a new one, aka our maladaptive daydreams. In short, we can want to stay in these daydreams to feel better and safer, but it can get in the way of us functioning in our life.

Yep

[audience anecdotes]

...Which is why even the term maladaptive daydreaming is used. Maladaptive means it's not providing adequate or appropriate adjustment to the environment or situation. So the daydreaming is only holding off the bad things. It's not actually making anything better or helping us process any of the upset. It's really just a temporary check-out, which can be helpful sometimes, but if it's happening all the time or making it hard for us to focus at work, school, or with our friends and family, we should find other, better ways to cope.

Exactly.

Which moves us into how we can better cope so that we don't get sucked into our daydreams for hours, days, or even weeks. And first up is mindfulness. Now, I know that term is overused now and super annoying but in order for us to know when we even need to use other coping skills, we have to know when the daydreaming urges are happening. So often we aren't aware of what we were feeling or thinking until it's too late and we're already pulled into our daydream. And at that point it's more difficult or even impossible for us to pull ourselves out. Therefore, we have to start being more aware of what we're going through.

[continues explanation]

Perfection.

And so next is figuring out ways to calm our system down. This can take the form of a distraction technique like going for a walk or organizing a part of our home, coloring, watching a show, playing a video game, you name it. These calming things could also be more process-based, things like journaling or talking to your therapist or a friend about it, or even using an impulse log. [Continues with calming things]

Good examples, MD researchers specifically recommend keeping a log.

We're also going to have to find some coping skills that we can use when we're starting to feel overwhelmed and wanting to go back into the daydream. Maybe we hold an ice cube in our hands, clap our hands, count the number of things in the room that are blue, brown, black… whatever works for you, do it.

Good stuff.

And it's okay for something not to work. We just have to try it to know and then move on to something else.

Important point to make, happy to see this.

Once we have a few things that work, write them down in your phone or on a post-it note so that you can see it and be reminded when you need it. We will also need to come up with some ways to pull ourselves out of the daydream. And I know this is gonna be harder and we may even wanna call upon helpful and supportive people in our lives to assist us.

Good advise.

We could, because it's our daydream, right, we could put a big door in our daydream and we can choose to go through it and pull ourselves out, or have people in the daydream that remind us of our real life and tell us to go back.

A good suggestion. Q, on the Parallel Lives Podcast (I can’t remember which episode off the top of my head), did something like this by turning to his characters and saying “ok, take 5 guys, we’ll pick it up at xtime”, and many people have found that to be a clever and helpful method.

Now, I know this is really, really hard… which rolls into my final tip, which is to work with a therapist to heal from the trauma or to learn how to better cope with the anxiety or stress we're feeling. Working to heal or process through the reason our maladaptive daydreaming exists in the first place will ensure that we don't need it anymore.

Absolutely seek professional support if you can.

... if we heal the issue we're struggling to cope with, the urge to use those unhelpful coping skills will go away altogether.

[outro]

I think this last point will frighten a lot of MDers. It’s probably the brevity of the video that didn’t allow her to really expand on this, and I certainly don’t want to put words into her mouth that she may not have intended. Don’t be afraid of losing your MD. “Curing” Maladaptive Daydreaming does not mean “I’ll never see my world again.” You’ll always have the capacity to daydream like this, you were born this way, but it *doesn’t* have to be maladaptive. Like overeating, you will never not eat, you will fix your relationship with food.

Good video overall, brief but accurate and includes the standard helpful advise.

#maladaptive daydreaming #actuallymadd

40 notes · View notes

idv-sunsxin3 · 3 years

Note

Hey ! I saw you were doing genshin matchups, Can i get one pls w a male character if this is not bothering you ? I am 18, 5’8, and go by she/her ! Idk if you’re familiar w it but my mbti is entp and enneagram 8w7. Words to describe me would be : independent, quite chaotic, honest, competitive, cool, creative and smart.

When ppl see me for the first time i tend to appear as intimidating cause of my resting mean face while in reality i am probably just daydreaming or lost in my thoughts who can be quite profound as superficial. From the world revolution to what should i chose for lunch. Ambiverted i like to have my alone time as much as i like to be in some company but i am quite picky w who i call friends since i don’t trust easily. However it does not mean i am completely closeted to new people and even appreciates the kind of relationship in wich no one hold obligations to another and we just have our fun.

As a lover my love languages are quality time and act of services ? I don’t count giving food/cooking as gifts but if you do then i guess i also express my love that way. I have an hard time w admiting my feelings or allowing myself to show that i am melting inside… my heart prob go brrr it’s ridiculous, I go really soft and it tends to scare me a lil as i don’t like to be seen as vulnerable or let my emotions take the complete control. The irony of all that is that i am the kind of person who tends to be easily flustered and that my acting skills are 50% of the time questionables or on point. I may flirt on accident and may try to look cuter unconsciously. Also i desire receiving physical affection but am too prideful again to initiate it but am the first when it comes to teasing.

My hobbies consist in a lot of things, i draw, read, write, listen to some music, play videos games or anything that is a game w no consideration of its nature, i also enjoy learning new things related to philosophy, psychology or history and like to try new cooking recipes even if i am not a chief but i try my best and do not take slander on it as i am quite prideful. My favorite flavor is spicy and ik its strange but i do think caramel somehow represents me. I also take interest in mysteries as enigmas, appreciate physical activities and enjoy art. I sometimes can find myself write poems. I value adaptability, curiosity and quick thinking process to be more efficient on my goals to maybe one day have my own truth on this world and apply what i think is justice w little to no consideration to social norms. Thank you for doing this i think that’s all i had to say.

Pins// Don't mention it! nwn

---

{I'm matching you with...

Kazuha!}

Header via Genshin Impact Official Twitter

___

After I read this, it screamed for Kazuha- owo

When you both met, he finds your blank, daydreaming look quite amusing… But pretty.

He finds your creativity and sophistication in certain fields impressive.

Your unconscious cuteness is very endearing to him, Kazuha would often chuckle softly and boop your lovely nose whenever you do or say something he finds it cute-

Kazuha// Maple, you never cease to stop from being this adorable… ☺️❤️

He literally trails off haikus and poems nearly 24/7 (not completely, because he often gets interrupted in the process sometimes-)

Once he learns that you write poems, he would get curious about what kinds of poems you write.

He might know that possibly due to him studying every word you say in a conversation, and possibly from the way you talk or how you describe what you adore or dislike.

Of course, he doesn’t want to push you if you’re not comfortable to show them to him!

He won’t stop being fluffy and cute around you, so be aware-

Prepare to receive light embraces from behind- he loves to surprise you once in awhile,,, 😅

Kazuha would gladly help around with cooking as you try new recipes!

He would compliment your meals and try to help you improve by spilling some nice, interesting feedbacks in your way.

He may also teach you the recipes from his homeland to try out.

Since you seeing to love spicy and caramel food, he would recommend you to try spicy curry rice and candled fruit!

Kazuha attempts to comfort you whenever you feel scared, he’ll always remind you that is alright to feel that way.

Kazuha// The brave can also fear of things like other people, Y/N… I was scared of experiencing tender feelings as well, but I was never afraid to face you and love you as you are.

In modern AU, you may both hang out together while playing video games once in a while.

Kazuha is very flexible and not very picky with games, as long as they’re not too stressing for his limit-

Yet, he’ll be alright with anything you desire to play!

You both may possibly play mystery/puzzle/multiplayer games and help each other solve puzzles or enigmas-

#genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact hcs #genshin headcanons #genshin scenarios #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin matchups #genshin kazuha #kazuha genshin x reader #kazuha genshin impact #kazuha gi #genshin impact kazuha #kazuha scenarios #genshin kazuha x reader

11 notes · View notes

phoenixyfriend · 3 years

Text

The MILFnevka AU

Once again something that was brainstormed en masse on the GG fanworks server.

I was... very much spearheading this one, but I dragged in @professorsparklepants for a lot, because Anevka, as well as input from @fenerismoon, @purronronner, @gelpenss, and @whirlibird. The original conversation took place mid-September of 2019.

AU where Tarvek's side of the family squeezed in an extra generation or so.

Aaronev was still Lu's generation, but he had Anevka young, and she was an only child who was already an adult by the time Lu disappeared. As a result, Aaronev let her married before she ended up in the machine (because he wasn’t desperate yet), and he couldn't risk drawing the attention by the time Agatha’s gen is being born.

So instead of being Tarvek's SISTER, she's his MOM.

Anevka formed her own faction, separate from the Aaronev and vaguely aligned with Terabithia’s.

She insisted Martellus and his branch hang out with Tarvek because being an only child is lonely, and also it keeps Tarvek out of his grandfather's sights and vague plans of body-hopping.

She is a Protective Momma who is a little TOO down with murdering anyone who threatens her child.

Agatha: you're just going to listen to your evil mom? Because no offense but that's worked out really bad for me so far. Tarvek: She's not EVIL, just... Valois... anyway the Baron knows what she's like and mostly he just rolls his eyes and tries to keep her away from Queen DuPree.

Anevka is definitely the mom that uses her position as mother of the king/heir to stockpile as much power as possible and control everything behind the scenes. Tarvek is currently trying to undermine this and wrestle back control as secretly as possible.

Wine mom with eighty hidden stabbing implements.

When Agatha is discovered, Anevka still kills her dad, but it's not like she can steal Agatha's voice in this AU, so she just settles for aggressively matchmaking her with Tarvek.

Anevka's managed to rein her dad in, mostly, because she's a powerful spark with an Undefined Husband who nonetheless has enough good connections to cause a ruckus if he finds out about the Summoning Throne, and he's too sparky to wasp.

This did lead to his early death and no siblings for Tarvek, but not before Anevka managed to fight her dad down to ONLY trying to throne the girls who were legitimately likely to be Agatha.

And then Agatha's in Sturmhalten and Anevka's just like. Well. Time for plan A. And kills her dad.

Regarding Gil... She kinda wants to pat him on the head and tell him to try harder.

I'm not wholly convinced Tarvek got kicked off of Castle Wulfenbach, depending on how Anevka married and decided to approach things. She might have warned Tarvek to AVOID stealing information, even, if she was worried about Aaronev trying to do something.

Less "do whatever you can to help us gain power" and more "do whatever you can to stay out of Sturmhalten."

Tarvek: My mom is a bitch and I love her so much

Klaus hates it when Anevka comes to CW because she acts like some unholy cross between Lucrezia, Terabithia, and Zantabraxus and she keeps hitting on his top enforcers but with knives and pretty dresses.

Unstoppable Divorce energies

Anevka: Do you like my new dress? Klaus: Your bodice is far too low cut, please stop visiting me dressed like my ex. I'm the same age as your father. Anevka: I know, it's really fun to watch you suffer as you fail to resist the urge to tell me to put on a sweater.

Tarvek: MOTHER YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF ALL MY FRIENDS PLEASE STOP HITTING ON THE BARON AURGH. Anevka: I'm not HITTING on him, I'm trying to make his face turn puce. Anevka: I am, however, hitting on Von Pinn. She looks like she knows how to have fun. Tarvek: MOTHER.

Tarvek, to Gil: the baron can't be your dad, he's old enough to be your grandfather. Gil: He’s at a solid age for both.

Anevka and Klaus have zero actual attraction to each other but there's definitely A Dynamic that's eerily reminiscent of his relationship with Bang, with slightly less "I did a violence, be proud of me" and slightly more "I did a sexy and/or politics, be proud of me."

Tarvek: I have a problem. Gil: What's up? Tarvek: All of our friends want to fuck my mom. Zulenna: I don't. Tarvek: That's because she used to put you in time-out when we were five.

Anevka is prime Dangerous Widow material. She didn't actually kill her husband but a hell of a lot of people think she did.

Seffie thinks her Auntie 'Nevka is the COOLEST

Anevka having an intermittent fling with that "darlingly stupid young hero, Tryggvassen" makes me laugh way too hard and also dips into my nonsense love of Otharnevka.

At one point we did sidle over into “what if Single Father KB tho”

Like they met at some point on vacation while the kids were still kids, which does lose us the “Anevka aggressively ships her kid with Agatha” thing, so I’m not sticking with this but there’s some hella fun tidbits.

Anevka: Guess what. Klaus, very tired: What. Anevka: I'm getting married. Klaus: Again? Good for you. I hope this one lives longer. Anevka: He has the same name as you. Klaus: Get out of my house.

KB isn't a widower, things are just complicated and everyone blames Lu. There's time travel involved, of course.

"So your daughter--" "Sister." "...how--" "Just... just blame my mother."

He's LEGALLY Agatha's dad, maybe? Their dynamic is parent-child. Just, you know, as far as blood goes...

Anevka wants KB to help her bag Othar again. KB thinks she means finally killing him. Anevka: I might. Haven't decided yet.

Overall, though, including KB is too complicated without undermining the entire premise I want. Which is mostly canon but Anevka is Tarvek's embarrassing, mysterious, prone-to-assassination mother.

Seriously though, the entire attraction here is Anevka having the Dangerous Widow Whom No Man Can Tie Down vibe

She's a solo act. Some flings, sure, but overall? Chaos. Refined, elegant chaos.

Anevka as Bang’s sugar mom was suggested. We were obviously all on board.

Bang doesn’t need a sugar mom, but it makes the vein in Klaus's forehead throb, and that's very important.

Bang absolutely tries to get Tarvek to call her “mom” while she’s ‘dating’ Anevka. One time he does call her that and it throws her for SUCH A LOOP because no wrong.

Anevka occasionally daydreams of a world where she could have both Othar and Bang at the same time without them IMMEDIATELY trying to kill each other. Only occasionally, though, she has evidence to plant and blood to spill.

BACK TO ANEVKA SHIPPING HER KID WITH HIS POLITICALLY-APPROPRIATE CRUSH.

Anevka: Oh look, my future daughter-in-law. Tarvek, tired: Mother, she doesn't like me. Anevka: Whyever not? You're clever, handsome, politically apt, charming, sensitive, heir to a throne, you are EVERYTHING a maiden could wish for. Tarvek: You just think that because you're my mom. Agatha: No, no, she's not wrong. You're just not someone I trust. At all. Especially since you say you've been a honeypot before. Anevka: See? A simple hurdle, dear, I'm sure you could whip him into shape in no time. I could even loan you the whip. And the harness, perh-- Tarvek: MOTHER.

Anevka sends Tarvek out with Othar for “field trips.”

It’s great!! Multi-purpose! Absolutely helps boost Tarvek’s image if he’s associated with Known Hero, gets Othar out of her hair for a little bit, sometimes he can be pointed in a direction that’s useful to her.

Othar refers to this outings as “stepfather-stepson bonding times.” Tarvek absolutely hates it. Detests it, really.

Somehow something goes wrong and like 50% of the time and he ends up getting accused of murder, probably.

It’s so unfair. Especially since of the two of them, Othar is more likely to murder than him. (It’s because everyone knows what those Valois types are like, and Othar is a hero.)

Gil: What's so embarrassing about your mom? Your mom's nice. (To me.)

She gives him head pats and lollipops. His own dad certainly never gives him head pats OR lollipops.

Anevka: Well I WAS going to push him towards dear little Seffie, but he seems to be quite enamored with YOU, darling. Tarvek: Mother, PLEASE stop getting invested in my love life.

Anevka’s job is to meddle, he’s lucky she isn’t drawing up contracts and going Full Arrangement.

I also love the idea of Anevka having one of those "sunshine embodied anime mom" smiles as she says "Oh Tarvek, dear, look at all your little friends!"

She's genuinely enthused but Klaus is heavily disturbed by Anevka smiling like that.

"Is she going to sacrifice them?" "Uh, no, it isn't Sunday."

Human sacrifice is actually garish and passe these days, haven’t you heard?

Just imagining one of those Stately Child and Parent portraits with Anevka and Tarvek here.

When Tarvek was born, Anevka has an "I've only had my son for an hour and a half" moment... and then just shrugged and rolled with it.

Anevka "Hot Mom" Sturmvoraus is one of the MANY banes of Klaus's existence, but she's definitely one of the friendliest on the list... as much as he may resent that, at times.

Anevka: Is the Baron in? Boris: Actually... [Crashing noise] Boris: He just left. Anevka, pulling on the rocket boots she stole from Othar and heading towards the broken window leading to the outside of the ship: That's alright, I'll catch up.

(I love how Anevka's name just lends itself so well to AU portmanteaus.)

Anevka definitely susses out Gil's identity but she doesn't actually DO anything about it other than angling for Useful Connections.

She's always telling Tarvek to bring his friend along, and Klaus doesn't want Gil anywhere near that family but he doesn't want it to look like he has any particular interest in Gil.

Imagine Klaus actually encouraging Gil to persue Agatha with the idea that it will put some distance between Gil and "that damn woman and her spawn." Anevka for her part is pushing Agatha towards Tarvek. Meanwhile the three of them are working it out between themselves.

She just has This Energy, folks:

Tarvek: Oh no. Theo: Whats the matter? That's your mom, right? Tarvek: Oh NO, she's wearing her 'NEWLY WIDOWED BUT OUT ON THE PROWL' OUTFIT Theo: ????? She hasn’t been widowed- Tarvek: SHES AFTER THE BARON AND I'M GOING TO DIE OF EMBARRASSMENT, THEO

The one thing here is that Anevka's not into Klaus and he's not into her but by GOD is she going to fuck with his head about it.

She’s just doing this for the Big Dick Energy of trying to Get Baron Wulfenbach.

Embarrassing mom of the deadliest degree.

Tarvek: YOU’RE GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE. Anevka: Don't be so dramatic, let your mother have a bit of fun. Besides, he's not expelling you anymore, is he? Tarvek: I almost wish he was-

Also Gil and Tarvek reconciling early on due to the immense power of being Embarrassed By Your Parents.

Anevka and Klaus getting increasingly bitchy at each other at dinner, and Tarvek and Gil are just. Bright red and glowering at them.

They’re DESTROYING their COOL TEEN CRED.

Tarvek doesn't ever wants to marry a woman who has been married before, not because of some weird distaste of so-called "sloppy seconds," but rather that he's just scared that they're going to be like his mom, and planning to kill him for his money.

Tarvek, waking up in the middle of the night: What if they really do get married and I have to have Gil as a stepbrother. Tarvek: (screams internally for a few hours)

Anevka is also that Sailor J contouring video

While Otharnevka is... this thing

Some more relevant Vibes: Divorce Court Half-Mourning Upper East Side Widow

Everyone always assumed she had murdered her husband. It was a natural assumption, but ultimately wrong. She had had plans in place to kill him if the need arose, but in the end she hadn’t needed them.

Most people grossly underestimated how complicated it was to arrange for someone to be t-boned by a semi carrying flammable chemicals.

Othar as Anevka's second trophy husband and Tarvek's annoying stepdad has a very specific energy.

That energy is at least 20% "the lovebirds take anniversary honeymoons every year" and 60% "Tarvek hates being in the room with them because they're gross and embarrassing."

This is partly fun because Othar being Tarvek’s stepdad is... a lot.

But honestly, I'm also just enjoying cougar Anevka with Trophy Husband Othar. They're actually in love!!! BUT. Cougar with a trophy husband.

Anevka makes sly comments about Othar and Klaus having sexual tension.

Also I have headcanons about NB Tarvek and like

I think she'd be supportive up until the point of "you want to be Storm King, don't you?"

Less "this isn't natural and you shouldn't be this way" and more "this is going to cause you trouble due to social norms."

"Keep it under wraps until your throne is secure, then you can come out in a blaze of glory." No dresses in public until you're king, then do whatever you want. After all, “Your Majesty” is gender neutral.

Anevka caught Tarvek playing dressup in her closet one time and just criticized the color relationships.

And you must try to avoid wearing that particular shade at all, my dear, it really doesn't look imperial.

#Anevka Sturmvoraus #Girl Genius #Tarvek Sturmvoraus #Klaus Wulfenbach #Gilgamesh Wulfenbach #Othar Tryggvassen #Agatha Heterodyne #Otharnevka #GG OT3 #Phoenix Posts

68 notes · View notes

whentherewerebicycles · 3 years

Text

some thoughts that might seem unrelated but aren’t, i promise:

— in that atomic habits book I read a couple weeks back the author talks about using a specific, action-oriented question repeated throughout the day to help you build or break habits (like “what would a physically fit person do?” or “what would a sober person do?”).

— the aging books i was reading last month noted that people who score high in conscientiousness (on the Big Five personality traits) tend to age most successfully ie enjoy the longest stretch of active years. to quote this article, conscientiousness is “a fundamental personality trait—one of the Big Five—that reflects the tendency to be responsible, organized, hard-working, goal-directed, and to adhere to norms and rules...Conscientiousness comprises self-control, industriousness, responsibility, and reliability. A conscientious person is good at self-regulation and impulse control. This trait influences whether you will set and keep long-range goals, deliberate over choices, behave cautiously or impulsively, and take obligations to others seriously.” I tend to score very high in openness but very, very low in conscientiousness. more on this in a bit...

— my sister and i were talking recently about different kinds of intelligence, and also about core values. one of hers is efficiency, a word that i have all kinds of negative associations with lol but that she explained in ways i found really intriguing. for her efficiency isn’t about, like, Maximizing Productivity for Capitalism but is about methodically searching for the most effective, least confusing or redundant, most easily-communicable-to-others way to solve complex problems. when she encounters a system that has all kinds of weird bottlenecks or inefficient, time-consuming ways of completing a task (esp if the rationale for those methods is just “well.. that’s how we’ve always done it”), she starts immediately examining the larger structures and workflows around those bottlenecks to see if the established ways of doing things can be rerouted or simplified, and then she constructs new protocols or tools for people to use instead of the old inefficient way of working. efficiency will never be a core value of mine, in part because i think my humanities-oriented brain accords more value than her STEM/medicine-oriented brain does to wandering, daydreaming, slowed-down thinking, doubling-back or retracing one’s steps, and other “inefficient” modes of thinking that slow down the process but can lead you in unexpected directions or spark unanticipated epiphanies that illuminate the larger structures differently. i think we both share a keen interest in systems-level thinking and in examining whether established ways of doing things are the most effective ways of doing things, but we prioritize different modes of thinking and problem-solving in figuring out how to alter or redesign those larger systems (which is probably a result of temperament differences + our field-specific training).

THAT SAID, i have been thinking a lot about how one area of my own intelligence i would like to sharpen/hone in both my professional and personal life is like... a mode of intelligence that is linked to rigor, a more methodical approach to problem-solving, and the ability to construct & more methodically test detailed mental schemas. not quite sure how to articulate that but i feel like my thinking has gotten a little fuzzier than i want it to. and I think maybe this sensed fuzziness in thinking is linked to some of my ongoing feelings of restless discontent re: work. I also just in general want to be more conscientious in how I approach and solve problems, or in how I tackle big and small projects.

— this is more tangentially connected but: i feel like one thing i’ve noticed this year is that a lot of the people i admire professionally are really good at seeking out & taking on lots and lots of additional challenges or commitments, and they can do this in part because they tend to be very conscientious people, ie people who have big-picture vision but are also very detail-oriented and good at managing their time effectively & doing things efficiently so they can take on multiple projects without feeling overwhelmed. i feel like my own low-conscientiousness means that i can’t take full advantage of my high-openness—often i want to take on new projects or challenges but i worry that i’ll overextend myself or that the project will become more time-consuming than i anticipate. i think is linked to a different sort of fuzziness, ie a lack of clarity about how long things take or how much time i have — all combined with a deeply ingrained sense of myself as someone with executive dysfunction issues (poor time management, poor planning skills, poor organizational abilities, etc.). i think of myself as a very inefficient and extraordinarily disorganized person, whether this is 100% accurate or not, and that can sometimes lead to me taking myself out of the running for opportunities or limiting the number of projects i take on out of a fear that i won’t be disciplined enough to see them through.

— another thing my sister and i were talking about recently is how within large families, siblings tend to get assigned a “role” or a personality within the family dynamic very early on, and then they get sort of locked into that over time. everyone in the family expects them to always behave in that way, and there’s often a lot of unconscious resistance to letting your family members change or grow or develop in ways that contradict the clearly defined family role that’s been assigned to them, or the family “story” that everyone else in the family tells about them. you can get locked into both positive and negative roles—or like, often the positive role has a negative flipside. we were talking about how within our family, i’ve been “assigned” to be the “deep thinker” ie the introspective one who spends my life writing and thinking and daydreaming, whereas my sister has been assigned the role of being most like my father, ie very methodical, analytical, unemotional, and action-oriented (and therefore not introspective or inward-looking). and we were talking about how both of these have a negative flipside: my sister feels like she doesn’t get to be a “deep thinker,” or an introspective, emotionally intelligent person; whereas i feel like in my family’s story for me i am forever in “lalaland,” as my mom always says—head in the clouds, an ineffectual dreamer, the absentminded professor who has lots of big thoughts and feelings but is incapable of bringing any of my fantastical ideas to fruition because i have very little practical knowledge or stick-to-itiveness.

— as i’ve said many times before, i feel like i can’t solve the big-picture issues with my job right now, since so many of them are linked to shitty pandemic realities. but i was thinking that maybe one way to begin laying the groundwork for this final year in my job might be to work on strengthening my conscientiousness at the micro-level, ie in small everyday habits and interactions. my hope is that maybe by practicing conscientiousness in lots of small, low-stakes situations, i can start strengthening those muscles and building trust in myself as “the kind of person who does ____” (which i feel like is necessary for me to begin challenging the family story i’ve internalized what i am like). i mean, there is a lot of truth to that family story! but i bet that those aspects of my personality are nowhere near as inflexible or as like, divinely preordained as i have often assumed they are. like, i bet that through practice & through building better habits i can actually become significantly more conscientiousness (reliable, responsible, hardworking, efficient, good at follow-through, self-disciplined, etc) than i am now. and while efficiency may never be as central a value for me as it is for my sister, i think there is probably a way for me to see efficiency and conscientiousness as linked to my own core values, if only because those qualities or traits will allow me to better enact/embody my core values. so i think i can see it not as working against the grain of my personality, but as working to build out less-developed parts of my personality to strengthen the parts of my character that i value most.

— anyway this is all to say that for the last week i’ve been asking myself aloud “what would a conscientious person do?” multiple times a day, really any time i find myself at a small crossroads where i have to make a small decision. do i pick up that piece of cardboard and put it in the recycling bin now or leave it till later? (what would a conscientious person do?) do i return that call from the plumber now or put it off until later? (what would a conscientious person do?) do i take two minutes to pay that $4 toll bill now or put it on the giant stack of “tasks i will definitely deal with when i’m in the mood to deal with them,” where it will inevitably become a $25 and then $50 bill because i forgot about it and now have to pay late fees? (what would a conscientious person do?) do i comment on that student’s draft now when i’d rather be on the couch scrolling through social media? (i could probably do it tomorrow, when i have another block of free time, but what would a conscientious person do?) i have no idea if it will work in the long term!! but it’s been an intriguing experiment so far, mostly because i think it is teaching me that many of the tasks i build up in my head as incredibly time-consuming are actually quite quick, and once you finish them you also free up all the mental energy you were putting into procrastinating on them, and are better able to move onto the next thing. i also feel like it is teaching me that uhh maybe a conscientious person is not like, a completely different species of human being, but just a person who has different habits or patterns of response to daily choices than i do. that feels important too: if we are what we repeatedly or habitually do, then changing what i habitually do can probably change the kind of person i am! i’m finding that there’s something very useful about the simplicity of the question, too. deliberately posing the question to myself interrupts my habitual, unconscious response (which is always some version of “i don’t have the energy to deal with that / don’t want to expend that energy right now -- i’ll put it off till later”) -- it requires me to stop and focus my attention on the present situation instead of sliding right past it without thinking about it. and there’s also something quite satisfying about framing it as a choice or a decision: i get to choose what to do, ie i get to exercise agency, and exercising agency makes your brain feel happy (we like to feel in control! we like making choices!). so throughout the day i get to experience lots of little bursts of whatever gets released in the brain when you make a decision and immediately follow through with it, and i think/hope that this kind of positive reinforcement is helping to strengthen those circuits and lay down the groundwork for new patterns of habitual response.

those are some thoughts this morning!! now i am going to allow myself a few minutes of sloth lol and then i’ll get up and exercise.

#mw #thinking aloud #long post

19 notes · View notes

utterlyinevitable · 4 years

Text

On The Subject of Love

Paring: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Rebecca Lao) Word Count: 3.3k Warning: Tame. A few curse words and mentions of sex. Summary: Becca coaxes Ethan into talking about his experience with love during their visit to Leland Bloom's yacht.

Author’s Note: this took waaaaay too long to write and i’m still not sure i’m happy with it :/ but thank you @aylamwrites for pre-reading and leaving hilarious comments ❤

________________________________________

The drive to Leland Bloom’s yacht was staid, a direct contrast to the glorious sunshine surrounding the bubble of the sedan. Ethan was navigating the unfamiliar route to the private yacht club with extreme disdain. His ego wanted to resolve this case and finally put an end to this petulant competition with Mass Kenmore Hospital. Sitting in the passenger seat of his car was his favorite accomplice, Becca, calmly staring blankly out the window and still so unsure of his feelings towards her.

She knew she riled him up when she went behind his back to seek out the first high-profile patient, influencer Gwenyth Monroe. Though, in her defense, the man wasn’t actively trying to save the Diagnostics Team from the budgetary chopping block. Ethan Ramsey was always so blinded by his pride and ethics - He did the same with their future as well. But, Becca also knew she stepped over the line this morning when she called him a spoiled child in front of Baz and June at Mr. Bloom’s estate. Though she didn't really regret it because someone had to tell him off, the interaction still left a bad taste in her mouth.

Becca wasn’t too sure where they stood - professionally or romantically. The words Ethan spoke not too long ago in the dark of his office rang through her head: I want to know you as you truly are.

That was a few weeks ago. There he was breaking down their simply professional facade once again. It was a constant tug-of-war with him. Some days Ethan would let the wall crumble by letting her in or grabbing her hand, and others where he’d build it higher than before just to keep the force of Becca at bay. She didn’t realize how sweet of a memory the two of them creating his Pictagram account during that late-night research session would become.

He’s such an old man…

Ethan cut through her reverie, “What are you thinking about?”

With her gaze fixed on the passing trees and her mind still half-stuck in her daydream, she responded without further consideration, “Do you really never want to get married?”

Ethan’s brow furrowed at the random intrusion, needing to think before settling on a response. “Are you still stuck on this?”

The two sometimes-lovers spoke briefly about his views on the subject while working on Gwenyth’s case late into the evening. To Becca it was one of the most important questions in building their not-so-subtle budding relationship - she needed to know if Ethan was worth all the… complications. He spoke about how he didn’t believe in soulmates, unconditional love, and his doubts on marriage as an intuition. He never once spoke about his experience with love.

Looking out the window into the cloudless end of summer day, Becca boldly asked, “Haven’t you ever been in love? Wanted to spend the rest of your life with someone you’ve dated?”

“Oh god, no,” he scoffed with wide pale blue eyes. “I told you, Rookie, I don’t see the point.”

She rolled her disbelieving brown eyes and let the conversation pause there as they pulled up to the dock.

***

After the yacht set sail the doctors waited around the stern in a restive silence for 45 minutes while Mr. Bloom wrapped up his business meeting. Once safely away from the prying eyes of investors and colleagues in the yacht's master bedroom, Ethan and Becca begin to run tests and scans on the deteriorating businessman.

“Mr. Bloom, can I ask you and Caroline a question?” Becca asked as she drew a few samples of blood. “It has nothing to do with your case. Me and my friend here are debating something,” she nodded her head at Ethan’s general direction.

The patient looked between the two with a devious smile, “Sure, swing.”

Becca quickly peered over at Ethan standing at an expensive gold and glass table with the mobile sonogram machine, his arms crossed and waiting for her to enlighten the room with her inquiry.

She shot him a coy smile before turning back to the worldly man and asking, “How did you know you wanted to get married?”

Ethan stifled a surprising cough. Never in his wildest dreams would he have thought she’d ask a complete stranger that.

Mr. Bloom smiled as he instantly recalled every moment he has ever spent with his now-wife.

Closing his eyes he recited, “We’ve been business partners for decades - since college, actually. We were married about 11 years ago. I’ve known her my entire adult life and waited until I was almost 50 to tell her how I really felt.”

His eyes opened and found Caroline sitting in the chair by the large bay window immediately. The two looking adoringly at one another for a few seconds, speaking volumes in the language of love. For a moment Becca’s heart panged with hope that she could have that level of fondness with a man - that unconditional and unencumbered attachment that precedes words.

“My recommendation is to tell the other person you have feelings for them from the get-go. It’ll buy you time together. Its - it’s the most precious thing in the world to be with the one you love most.”

The way Leland Bloom spoke about his wife humanized him - he wasn’t a cut-throat businessman with oligarch-like wealth. He was a man who wanted as much time with his loved one as this world would permit, no matter the cost.

“But how did you know she was the one?” Becca quizzed further.

Mr. Bloom looked at Ethan's awkward form first and then to Becca as he asked, “Have you ever been in love?”

Ethan’s attention was focused on watching the images printing, deeply embarrassed by Becca’s brazen question and wanting no part of the conversation. Feeling everyone’s gaze on him he took in the three expectant stares and exclaimed incredulously, “Wha - Of course I have!”

Becca smiled at the old man, “Yes.”

“Do you remember how it felt?” Leland’s eyes bore into Becca’s begging the memories to surface.

She nodded.

Becca peered over at Ethan for a split second, his eyes meeting hers. She could see the curiosity swirling around his dark blue orbs alongside something else. Feeling ashamed for getting caught staring she bit her lip and tore her eyes away from him before she could even try to pinpoint just what the mystery emotion was.

“It’s like that,” Leland reassured. “But you’re constantly drawn to one another. The simplest and meaningless of tasks make you the happiest. You can sit in the same room in your own little world of silence together. Your heart swells when you look at them.” Like before his eyes flashed over to Caroline. “You’re never bored. And you can rely on them. The most telling sign was that I knew I needed her in my life even before I knew I had feelings for her. The intimacy was an added bonus.”

He smiled up at his wife who now stood close by with an affectionate hand on her husband’s shoulder.

“Would you agree, darling?”

She nodded only for him. “I knew he was my person when he’d stand up for me. He wouldn’t let anyone belittle me or my intelligence. He challenged me to be a better person and comforted me when I needed it. He’s the best partner I could ask for.” Caroline’s body shifted to Becca though her eyes never left Leland’s, “Does that help your debate?”

Becca looked over at Ethan who didn’t have an inkling of amusement in his features. “I think you’ve just proved my point, but I'll give him a few minutes to form a rebuttal,” she winked at the couple.

They shared a pleasant laughter at Ethan’s expense.

“Ok, Mr. Bloom, you’re all set,” Becca beamed as they finished their examination. “We’ll give you a call once we have the results from the lab later today.”

With a nod of his head Mr. Bloom replied, “Good evening, doctors.”

Ethan didn’t say a word as they disembarked the vessel.

“So…” she started, expecting him to begin arguing his case on the disillusion of soulmates.

Ethan wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.

The walk back to his sedan was stewing in awkward tension under the afternoon raging heat. More than halfway back to the car Becca had just come to accept the fact that Ethan wasn’t going to engage in their little intellectual tiff when he spoke with a critical eye;

“How many people have you presumably been in love with?”

She certainly didn’t expect that to be his first rebuttal. It almost made Becca drop the medical bag she was holding. Almost.

She simply responded, “Two. You?”

Over her shoulder she saw Ethan walking straight and stoically, eyes fixed ahead. He was ever so expertly guarded and displaying no telling emotions.

“Three, maybe,” he shrugged, not giving it a second thought.

“Maybe?”

“I don’t think teenage relationships could really count as love.”

“So we won’t count it,” Becca agreed with a small nod. “My number stands at 2.”

They made it to the car and Ethan popped the truck for them to put the gear. He fussed with the equipment, taking slightly longer than necessary to make sure the bag with the blood samples were safe and secure. Becca eyed him carefully from the sidelines expectantly.

With a loud thunk of the trunk and eyes glued to the license plate, he hesitated, “One.”

“Tell me about her.” Becca demanded sweetly as she moved to open the passenger side door. “Or I can go first?”

“Please,” he motioned for her to continue as they settled into his sedan.

Becca took a cleansing breath as she buckled herself in for the journey.

“It was my first year of undergrad. His name was Mack.” Becca could almost hear the roll of Ethan’s eyes as she stared out her window. “We dated for a year and broke up because my workload got intense and I couldn't go out much.” She took a pause as she remembered all those meaningful moments that came to define her adult-self. “He was a liberal arts major, really outgoing. He brought me out of my shell and taught me to be the person I am today. I’m really thankful for him, but more grateful that it didn’t work. I loved him, but I know now I definitely wasn’t in love with him. Looking back I don't even know how we would have made anything work.” Becca chuckled to herself. “He works in television now.”

There was a pause before she continued onto the second romantic love she’s ever experienced. Part of her hoped Ethan would jump in with an antidote.

Still, he kept his eyes on the road ahead.

“My last relationship was during med school. He was something else,” Becca continued with a vibrant smile. “We had great chemistry and a good time together.”

The affection in her voice for the nameless man instinctively had Ethan gripping at the wheel just tight enough for his knuckles to turn white. Medical school wasn’t more than two years in her past, still enough time for the exes to find their way back to one another…

“We thought we were supposed to be together because that’s what you’re told as a kid - go to school, find your soulmate, get that good job, get married and have babies. We groomed each other to be all that. But the pressure of trying to be someone’s perfect person was too much. He went to California and I went to Boston. I don’t know what he’s up to today.”

Her smile faltered as she wordlessly recalled the day she and Thomas Miller III walked out of one another’s life for good. Ethan would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little relieved to know her break up was not amicable.

“Your turn.”

Becca didn’t have the strength to turn and face him, the still-raw memories were playing out against the glass of the rear-view mirror and she couldn’t banish them just yet.

Ethan began to recite his past relationship like a bulleted list, checking off any sort of pertinent information; “It was for nearly 10 months. During medical school. She was gracious and brilliant. We never saw much of each other but when we did we had the most riveting medical debates. It was good fun.”

“That’s it?” Becca questioned in astonishment. Her brows were furrowed as she tried to keep her mouth from hanging open. How could someone look back on their first love with such displeasure? Even if it ended horribly the feeling of being in love is magical... and shouldn’t that in itself be celebrated?

He nodded.

Becca folded her arms across her chest and bit her lip as she pondered his words.

With the slightest scoff Becca boldly concluded, “I don’t think you were in love.”

Ethan was taken aback, clenching his jaw tightly in blatant refusal of conveying his surprise at her account of what happened with his heart while she was still in grade school. “How would you know?” he retorted.

“Because if you were you’d see each other all the time,” she responded simply and with a jovial lightness - like she’d cracked an undefined code. “You’d forgo sleep to spend some time together. You’d talk about your insecurities, your family, your dreams of the future. Not just medicine and cases.”

“You’re romanticising it.”

That one phrase stirred something up deep inside Becca. Who was he to tell her those things didn’t matter in a relationship? Those are the things they talk about and she… she wouldn’t admit to it. With that one romantic phrase they dove back into the quarrel Ethan so desperately didn’t want to be having.

Undeterred by consequences she countered, “How often did you have sex?”

“Excuse me.”

“You heard me,” she challenged.

Ethan let out a long breath of air. They were stuck together for at least another 25 minutes and there wasn’t a single thing he could say to dodge his way out of this one. Although he didn’t like the fact, they both were acutely aware that Rebecca is the only person who could ever ask him an impudent question. She had earned that right that night he crossed the line and they ruined one another in the most pleasurable of ways.

“Once, maybe twice a month, I think.”

“Months!?” Becca practically jumped out of her seat. Her head whipped around to face him.

Ethan hadn’t moved from the upright position and tight grip on the steering wheel she noted when they began their journey back to Edenbrook. The only thing that was running through Becca’s mind as she gawked at the admirable DNA of the man beside her was: How?

“It was a long time ago,” Ethan said, still completely unflappable. “I can’t remember correctly.”

“I was lucky to have sex twice a week.” Gosh, there were so many questions fluttering around Becca’s mind that she just couldn’t find the right words to articulate how unfathomable his confession seemed.

She watched as he raised an eyebrow, “You had other priorities.”

“No,” she stopped him right there with a point of her finger. “I had the same education as you. In between classes, assignments and reading your entire body of work I found time to find time.”

The corner of Ethan’s lip twitched when she mentioned her devotion to his life’s work.

Becca couldn’t believe he dared question her priorities - he read her application, he knows just how diligent and qualified she is.

She wanted to continue arguing but knew it was futile. Instead she asked another innocent question, “How many relationships have you been in since her?”

“Hurm, one,” Ethan grumbled, “Harper.” He paused to look at Becca out the corner of his eye for any sort of reaction. She gave him no ill indications - Her alert brown eyes were on him and brows rose high, awaiting further explanation. The two have had a quick quip on his history with the surgeon, but nothing past hearsay. “We’ve been on and off since residency,” he told her once more. “Now can we stop talking about this?”

Becca conceded, settling back into the shiny black leather. “I can’t believe you dated Harper,” she mused as she played with her seatbelt strap, “You two are so…”

“Different?” Ethan finished for her. “We actually have a lot of the same interests.”

“Intense,” Becca grinned as she finished her train of thought. “But I'm glad you got along.”

“We didn’t.”

If she wasn’t confused by the attendings’ relationship before she sure as hell was now. “Wha- How? You just said you have a lot in common.”

“Having similar interests and getting along are not mutually exclusive, Doctor,” Ethan smirked.

With a slack jaw and eyes trained on him once more, Becca all but demanded, “Explain please.”

“We were two people at the top of our respective classes,” he began. “Medical journal leeches were pitching us again and again. Everyone was pushing us together - a power couple, if you will.”

“The pride of Edenbrook,” she muttered in understanding.

Ethan nodded, “Pretty much.”

“Did Naveen orchestrate your coupling?” she asked. “He loves a good gossip story.”

Ethan shook his head once, “Naveen just wants me to be happy. At that moment he thought she’d make me happy.”

Becca let his words settle amongst them. She shouldn’t feel unsettled by his honesty, yet she did. There were too many comparable variables coming to light today.

Becca chewed on her bottom lip for a few pensive seconds before asking the fated question; “Did you like her?”

As soon as the words fell off her tongue she shut her eyes. She didn't want to see the damage the words could cause, and yet her body craved the answer.

“I had an affinity for her, if that’s what you mean,” he asked but didn’t give her the chance to clarify. “We had the same interests; both of us very career-orientated. Ultimately that’s what got in the way.” He paused for a moment, thinking carefully about his next words. He said them slowly and a decibel quieter than the last, “And that I didn’t have highly romantic feelings for her.” Just then Becca’s eyes shot open, fixed at his loosened grip of the steering wheel. “I still have a lot of respect and admiration for her.”

A small smile crept up on Rebecca. Those words alone held all she needed to know - Harper Emery never was and never will be a contender for Ethan’s heart.

“Then why do it?”

He shrugged as his features settled back into their default stoicism, “It was the right thing to do. If we didn’t… people would spend the rest of our lives forcing us together.”

She cocked an eyebrow, “So your relationship was a PR stunt…?”

“Absolutely not. I’m not a low-life, Becca.” He took pure offense that she thought he would do anything without a saturation of intention. “We tried because it seemed right. It seemed… inevitable... to try.”

“Huh, ok.”

He used her words against her. ‘Inevitable’ was what they were. Does he feel the same way about their relationship that he felt about Harper? Surely he didn’t, but she’d have no way to know. Ethan Ramsey kept pushing her away, and yet years ago he refused to wait and chose to explore those ineludible feelings with someone else.

Was Harper the reason we aren’t together, since he’s done the whole ‘inevitable’ tango before? She speculated.

Ethan’s next comment broke through her trance, “Aside from those disasters called relationships I have spent time with a few other women. You can rest assured I’m not completely incapable of intimacy.”

“I know you’re not a robot, Ethan,” she lamented. I’m happy to be one of those women.

Becca was glad he opened up to her, and for their intimacy all those months ago. Though, the gnawing of how many other women Ethan Ramsey had taken to bed in the days without her or Harper Emery plagued her mind. She wanted to press further but knew not to - she pushed her luck too much for one day.

_____________________________________

Taglist: @ohchoices @dulceghernandez @aylamreads @binny1985 @ramseysno1rookie @interobanginyourmom @queencarb @perriewinklenerdie @rookiefromedenbrook @eramsey28 @choicesficwriterscreations @heauxplesslydevoted @schnitzelbutterfingers @purpledragonturtles @ramseyandrys @ermidc @mrsdrakewalkerblog @doilooklikeiknow @overwhelminglyaquarius @drethanramslay @edgiestwinter @rookieoh @lucy-268 @mvalentine @lilyvalentine @starrystarrytrouble @custaroonie @pitchblackstars @angela8756 @sanchita012 @thegreentwin @openheart12 @tsrookie @adrex04 @togetherwearerapture @ezekielbhandarivalleros

#open heart #open heart fanfic #choices open heart #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x harper #choices oph2 #oph series #oph ff #choices fanfic #ohsy

119 notes · View notes

loudsuitlover · 4 years

Text

Doctor Harry

A/N: I feel like I forgot how to write but I guess the best way to overcome that is trying to write again. I’m still trying to write Lawyer Harry and Ohana but I’m struggling I don’t know why. Also this on first person POV. Thought I’d try something different too. Anyway, sorry for this annoying intro I don’t even know who I’m writing this for haha if after all this ranting you still decided to read, thank you and happy reading! xxx

INDIE’S POV

This skirt fitted me better last spring. I look at my profile on the mirror and focus on my belly and my lips frown at the muffin top I got during the winter. I really need to get back with the abs routine Sergio had made for me. I guess it would help if I didn’t hate abs with a passion. I’d be so fit if I didn’t hate abs and then it would be over for all of them skinny bitches.

“Indie?” Jason barely whispers my name outside the door.

“Coming.”

I open the door fast as soon as I get my white coat on, getting my braid out of it as I walk with Jason towards the doctors’ offices. I have yet to meet my mentor, doctor Hill, since yesterday he didn’t work. That’s something I’ll never understand. If he’s not working then how can he have a medical student assigned for hospital practice? That’s beyond me. Thank God for young doctors who still remember what it was like to be an ignored Med student and help you out and take care of you. God bless them.

“You look cute today.” Jason points out but I know he means it more like a suspicion than a compliment so I just roll my eyes and check I have my notepad on the pocket of my coat. “Hoping to see Mario again, are we?”

I chuckle.

“You know some of us don’t want to jump the bones of every nice guy we meet.” I tease him.

“You’re telling me. You haven’t been with anyone in fourteen months.”

“You’re counting?” I can feel my face contorting in desbelief. “That’s sick.”

“I mean I don’t know if it’s been fourteen or fifteen or what but more than a year.”

I look into his brown eyes and hold his stare for long enough so that he undertands I do not necessarily want to discuss this here and now where any professor could walk past us any minute and he rolls his eyes so I know he’ll drop it.

“Anyway, our paths part here.” He announces right before he knocks on an office’s door and moves his mouth so that it looks like the voice of his mentor is his own.

I chuckle again as I make my way to office 32, where I read doctor Hill should be today in the doctor’s planning. A patient stops me on the way there and asks me where the digestive doctors hall is and I give him the directions with the smile that comes naturally to my face. I’ve been told that a lot, that I’m always smiling, even my grandad used to call me toothy when I was little for how much he would see my teeth when I smiled.

I’ve been studying medicine for four years and I’ve been dressing up as a doctor for hospital practice for two but it’s still exciting when some patient actually mistakes me with a real doctor because well, it’s so clear to me that I’m not, but it’s encouraging to see that people think I could be.

The office door is opened and I hear two male voices casually chatting on the inside. I don’t want to eavesdrop, especially because the probability of getting caught is rather high so I knock on the opened door and wait for them to give me permission to enter. They just stop talking so I take another step and stand on their sight. Mario, the nice young doctor that helped me yesterday, is looking at me with raised eyebrows. It’s almost hard to recognize him without the surgery gown so I reckon it might be the same for him but then he smiles and I give him a smile back.

“Hi, Mario.”

“Hi. Looking for doctor Hill?”

I nod at his question and he nods back as if telling me I’m on the right place but before he can speak the other doctor interrupts him.

“Here it is, Mario. D’you want me to print it fo you?”

Mario moves to the side so I can see the man who owns that voice and I know I must look stunned because I am. Doctors don’t usually look like that and I have never been this lucky. Usually our mentors are doctors over 50 and when they’re male they’re usually fat or bald, sometimes both, but he looks like a movie star or like a singer or someone from Olympus and I try to save the way he looks on my mind as if I already know no one is ever going to look like him ever.

I don’t know how long I’ve been standing here for or if any of them has said anything to me but by the way his green eyes stare into mine, amused, I feel like it’s been too long. How did he even manage to be a mentor? I don’t think he’s even a full doctor yet, he looks to young for that.

“You’re so unlucky, Harry. You got the most annoying student, always asking questions...” Mario jokes.

I chuckle, finding it funny that he would remember how I apologized the day before for making so many questions. He was really nice yesterday and he’s being very nice now saving me from my embarrassingly staring at Harry. He then stands up from his chair on the other side of the desk.

“Hi, I’m Harry. Nice to meet you.”

And much to my surprise, not that I’m complaining though, he approaches me and places one hand on my elbow, leaning in and pressing his cheek against mine in the way I would greet a friend. But he’s not a friend. No doctor has ever greeted me like that. And he just introduced himself as Harry, didn’t he? Does that mean he wants me to call him Harry? No doctor Hill anymore?

“I’m Indigo.” I tell him.

“Indigo.” He smiles and I think I’ve forgotten how to speak. “That’s such a beautiful name.”

“Thank you.” I look at my feet because I’m gonna fangirl if he keeps smiling at me. “My mum’s a painter and a hippy.”

He laughs and I feel my breath getting caught on my throat. I think I’m having a tachicardia. I feel stupid. It’s not like I’ve never seen a handsome man before. But I’ve certainly never been this close to one and I’ve never had his attention.

“Well, I’m on my way to the operating room.” Mario announces. “See you, mate.”

He gives Harry a warning look before he goes but Harry chuckles and shakes his head, dismissing his friend’s look and my nerves only grow stronger on my belly.

“Well, Indigo, sit here next to me.” He grabs the chair next to his and brings it closer to his until they’re touching and then he looks at me so I take a seat. “We usually check the list of the patients who are coming and read their clinical record before the visits begin, to be a little ahead, you know.” He smiles again.

If he keeps smiling at me like that I might faint at some point today. He then turns towards the laptop and starts telling me about the patients, even though sometimes it feels like he’s more thinking out loud than talking to me. I should really listen, especially in case he feels like asking me questions during the day because I really do not want to look like an idiot but I could stare at him all I want now and he wouldn’t notice and I can’t let this chance go so if I have to look like an idiot I will.

I let my eyes travel freely across his features. His hair is brown and is a little too long for a male who normally works on a surgery room. It’s not like it’s inappropriate or anything and it looks incredible on him and something tells me he knows that but it’s not usual that someone from his status wears their hair that long and that tousled. He asks something out loud but I know he’s not waiting for an answer because as soon as he asks it he searchs on the browser- and it’s not like I could have answered anyway. My mind is busy and the moment my eyes drop to his arm, flexed, elbow resting on the table, I could gulp just imagining those arms holding me against this very same desk and- what the fuck am I doing?

I know he can’t hear what I think but I still have to remind myself that and I pray to God he does not turn around because I’m pretty sure I’m blushing. He’s wearing the hospital uniform, with the baby blue button up and the baby blue pants, but I entertain my mind trying to picture his naked torso. This is so wrong for the love of God, he’s my professor. I really need to chill. I feel like a dog in season. But this is just extraordinary, I am not usually around men this hot, and what’s the harm in daydreaming anyway?

The moment my eyes move back up they stare into his amused ones and I feel my cheeks heating up so I get afraid I’m blushing.

“You were awfully quiet.” He states, a somewhat smug grin on his face but I am not judging, I made it pretty easy for him to make fun of me. “Did you understand?”

“Mostly.”

“Mostly, huh?” He smirks. “If there’s something I say that you don’t understand you just stop me, alright? Now, can you read an electrocardiogram?”

“I should be able to.”

He chuckles and places it one in front of me. I am getting embarrassingly exciting that he finds me funny but I have to bite back a smile of my own at his friendly attitude.

“Go on then.”

“Okay, first thing we need to look for P on II and V1.” I speak very slow so that I have time to think while I do so and judging by the way he’s smirking, he’s noticing. “And we see that we have indeed P waves, which is good, no auricular fibrilation then. And then we look for QRS and we check the frequency by counting and multiplying” I do the calculations on my mind “and it’s 75 hearbeats per minute, a little high but nothing to worry about, people tend to get nervous when we do electrocardiograms on them. And we check the dimensions of the waves, the height, the width... And I don’t know this looks pretty normal to me.”

I dare to look at him and he’s smirking but it doesn’t look cocky to me, it’s more like a proud smile so I smile back, happy with myself.

“Very good.” He smiles. “Just a little, tiny detail but you obviously don’t need to know that so don’t worry.” He stands up from his chair and stands right behind me and places his left hand on the desk in front of me so I can his chest hovering over me. His finger points a random P wave. “If you look closely at the P wave, does it look normal to you?”

I swallow, quite frankly I don’t know if the P wave looks normal or not. I guess it doesn’t because otherwise he wouldn’t be asking that but why does he smell so good? And why is his arm hovering over my chest? This could be the moment I faint.

“I know it’s not because that’s why you’re asking but I don’t see it.”

He laughs again and even though it’s silly, I can’t help but wonder if he laughs this much with everyone.

“It’s a little higher than normal, but it’s very subtle, it’s okay if you don’t see it yet and anyway it’s not that important.” He laughs again. “But it might indicate a right atrium hypertrophy. That’s for an A+ in cardiology.” He smiles before taking his seat back and opening a new record.

“What year are you in?” He’s not looking at me while he asks that.

“Fourth.”

He nods his head but keeps quiet after that and I’m not sure why he even asked that but for some reason- it might be because his scent still lingers on my nostrils or because he just hovered over me or because he indirectly asked my age- I feel a strange tension over my shoulders so I ask him something I genuinely don’t know anyway about the patient’s record and he even grabs a paper to draw some shit and for some reason that’s turning me on. The way he speaks, so slow but without hesitation, he’s got a very calming voice, and how many things he knows and how smart he seems to be... I’ve always had a thing for intelligent guys and the fact that he’s also so close and smells so good is only adding to that.

“Hi there.”

A very tall man with a white hospital uniform walks in and gives us both a look before he takes a seat on the counter next to the stretcher. He must be the nurse.

“So” He says, giving us his back as he types something on his laptop “who are you?” He turns to look at me.

I find it a little rude, but I don’t know this man at all. He might just be one of those people who come out strong so I give him a smile.

“I’m a fourth year med student. I have practice here today.” I explain.

“I know that, I’m your mentor, doctor Hill, but what’s your name?”

“Oh, sorry.” My tongue melts. “I mean Indigo, not sorry. My name’s not sorry.”

I hear Harry laughing out loud behind me and doctor Hill smiles as well. I totally looked like an idiot but at least they seemed to have found it endearing.

“Well, my name’s not sorry either.” Doctor Hill said. “You can call me Peter, Indigo.”

“Okay, Peter.”

“I see you’ve already met my resident doctor, doctor Styles.”

I nod my head.

“Cool, so now that we all know each other... Harry, who’s the first one?”

Like that we start visiting the patients and for the first time since I started my hospital practice, I actually have fun during one of them. Both Peter and Harry are quite funny, even though they do tease me a lot, but they also allow me to do a lot of things like weighting the patients, checking their blood pleasures and Harry even lets me do a clinical interview, under his watch obviously, but it was still exciting. The lady I did the interview to was so nice and I could feel Harry’s attentive stare with a proud, amused smile the entire time, even the lady smiled every time she looked at him.

After about three hours of visits, Peter stands up from his chair next to mine and stretches his back.

“So Harry, I think I’m gonna go to the surgery rooms to give a hand.” He states and my heart drops to my belly at the anticipation that he’s gonna make me go with him and my day with Harry is over. “What do you want to do, Indigo?” I hold my breath at the surprise. “Do you wanna come with me or stay here with Harry? Well, that’s if Harry doesn’t mind but I think he doesn’t.” He smirks.

“No, of course not. It’s actually nice to have a nurse around.” He smiles.

“I think I’m gonna stay then if that’s okay.”

Peter nods and smiles.

“Do you prefer visits over surgery room or you just prefer doctor Styles over me?”

I see Harry shaking his head from the corner of my eye and look down at my hands.

HARRY’S POV

“Sorry” I call Indigo with the nickname she gave herself and she raises her eyebrows “would you please call the next patient? Mrs Hope.”

“Good name.”

I cannot not smile. She stands up from her chair and I entertain my eyes with the laptop screen just to pretend I’m not watching her all the time. I think I’ve managed to rebuild my reputation from how much of a fool of myself I made when I introduced myself to her but it just took me off guard. I wasn’t expecing to have a student around at all, much less that the student was going to look like her.

I’m also done with feeling guilty for thinking about her that way, even though now I’m starting to feel guilty for not feeling guilty, but I can’t control my mind and I don’t think anyone who’s seen her could judge me. Plus, she can’t know what I’m thinking. Even Mario flirted with her this morning...

But no, I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or to take advantage of my position at all. She came here to learn and I really need to stop looking at her thighs. She closes the door after Mr Copper and I feel the hair at the back of my neck bristle when I see the way he looks at her.

“Good morning, doctor.” He greets me. “You’re very lucky you have such a beautiful assistant.”

Sorry smiles but her shoulders have tensed and even though I’ve only known her for a few hours, I can tell when someone’s uncomfortable and I know she is. I don’t blame her either. I reckon I’d be uncomfortable too.

“She’s also very smart too. That’s why she’s here actually.”

I don’t want to be rude with my patient but for some reason I felt like I had to protect her. I catch her trying not to smile looking at her thighs and I try not to smile too. We do Mr Copper’s visit and she starts scribbling on her notepad and I have to help myself from peeking at the questions she’s going to make. I wonder if what she’s written down if that she has noticed Mr Copper jugular.

When Mr Copper walks out, I turn to look at her and smile. Again.

“Thank you.” She says.

“What for?” I frown.

“You know, for what you said.” Her eyes stare into mine and I try to figure out what is it about this girl that’s making me nervous. “Most guys don’t even understand why some compliments make us feel uncomfortable.”

I smile at her. I hope she knows she really is beautiful and I mean I can understand Mr Copper and had he said that any other way or had he not looked at her like he did right before, I wouldn’t have said anything and I’m sure she wouldn’t have felt uncomfortable but it was just inappropriate.

“It’s true though.”

I’m already a sucker for her smile. Thank God I am not going to see her again.

“Do you have any questions for me?”

“Mmm...” She bites her bottom lip.

I’ve noticed she does that when she’s not sure of something. I like it. She has very beautiful lips too, so full and pink and moisturized. Look back into her eyes, Harry.

“I’ve seen you scribbling like crazy.” I encourage her.

I want her to ask me whatever it is that’s going through her mind.

“No, well, I was describing his jugular.”

I feel my dick as soon as she said that. So she noticed. She’s fucking smart and that’s a turn on.

“So that I would remember what I saw, you know?”

I nod.

“Do I have to give you a mark or just sign your assistance?”

“Just sign.” She shakes her head.

“Shit. Well, you got an A anyway.”

She grins excitedly and I want to ask her how old she is again but I turn around and open the next record. This is the last one left and it’s the first time since I started working I don’t want to finish visiting, but when we are done she’ll go and I’ll never see her again.

I swear I’m trying not to feel attracted to her. I know it’s wrong but if I’m not going to see her again, I mean if she’s just going to leave now and I’ll never have to supervise her practice again, I could ask for her phone number, right? I mean I’m not a professor like Danny. It’s not technically prohibited. But she would feel pressured. I can’t do that.

“Actually, Harry” her voice cracks a little and I want to look at her but I know she’s nervous so I don’t “I do have a question. Can I ask you something?”

“Anything, Sorry.”

“It... It has nothing to do with the practice, though.”

“It doesn’t?” Now this is interesting.

I finally turn my body towards her so that I’m facing her and encourage her to ask me. If she asks for my number I’ll give it to her, but I don’t think she will.

“Mmm... Can I ask how old are you?”

I don’t want to tell her and that’s when I notice all my attempts at trying not to be attracted to her have failed. Her skin is so soft and she smells so good, like sweet vanilla, I bet she tastes sweet too. Fuck, I’m doing it again and I’m looking at her breasts. Fuck me.

“I’m 27.”

She smiles and I don’t know what that means. I want to ask her but we need to call the last patient.

“Miss Asvenson.” I smile.

She nods and stands up from her chair but before she opens the door I ask her.

“And you?”

We look into each other’s eyes and I think we both know why we’re asking. She smiles.

“21.”

I nod. She’s legal everywhere in the world.

202 notes · View notes

helloiamhumanperson · 3 years

Text

.......I feel sad my babies the grim reapers I KNOW they weren’t BORN into grim reaping so ;-; you know the other way to become a grim reaper you have to kill yourself like NOOOOO grelle, william,ronald *whispers* no *sadness*

with that said:

“Suicide doesn’t stop the pain,” “It gives it to someone else.”

- [ ] 1: We would miss you

- [ ] 2: It’s worth it to be alive

- [ ] 3: It does get better, believe it or not, it will eventually get better.

- [ ] 4: There’s so much you would miss out on doing.

- [ ] 5: You are worth it don’t let anyone, even yourself tell you otherwise.

- [ ] 6: God made you for a reason, you have a reason.

- [ ] 7: There is always a reason to live!

- [ ] 8: So many people care about you

- [ ] 9: You are amazing

- [ ] 10: I don’t even know you and I love you

- [ ] 11: I care for you

- [ ] 12: There are plenty of people that love you

- [ ] 13: Youre literally perfect!! <3

- [ ] 14: There are plenty of people that care for you

- [ ] 15: God loves you

- [ ] 16: God cares about you

- [ ] 17: Sometimes life is hard but it will make you a stronger person don’t worry!

- [ ] 18: What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do?What about all the things you’ve planned,but never got around doing? You can’t do them if your dead.

- [ ] 19: I want you to be alive

- [ ] 20: So many people want you alive!

- [ ] 21: You won’t be able to listen to Music if you die

- [ ] 22: You’ll never be able to listen to your favorite song if you die.

- [ ] 23: You’ll never be able to listen to your favorite singer if you’re gone

- [ ] 24: You’ll never be able to listen to your favorite rapper if you’re gone.

- [ ] 25: listening to really loud music

- [ ] 26: Killing yourself is never worth it,you’ll hit both yourself & the people who care about you.

- [ ] 27: There are so many people that would miss you,including me

- [ ] 28: the clouds

- [ ] 29: You are gorgeous

- [ ] 30: Someone out there would die for you :’)

- [ ] 31: How do you think your family would feel?

- [ ] 32: Proving people wrong with your success.

- [ ] 33: Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life.

- [ ] 34: You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day.

- [ ] 35: You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a cold building on a hot day.

- [ ] 36: Being stupid in public just because you can.

- [ ] 37: Helping other people.

- [ ] 38: You have a future to live for..

- [ ] 39: Being alive is good

- [ ] 40: thinking about happy memories

- [ ] 41: Finding your soulmate.

- [ ] 42: All nighters!!!

- [ ] 43: Sleeping in all day

- [ ] 44: You can look back at yourself later in your life and be glad you didn’t commit suicide.

- [ ] 45: Nobody could ever replace you

- [ ] 46: You’re unique

- [ ] 47: pets

- [ ] 48: petting pets

- [ ] 49: Netflix and movies

- [ ] 50: Decorating the Christmas tree

- [ ] 51: Dreams that make you smile

- [ ] 52: Breakfast in bed

- [ ] 53: New clothes

- [ ] 54: New shoes

- [ ] 55: New books

- [ ] 56: Sunrises and Sunsets

- [ ] 57: Friends

- [ ] 58: The ocean

- [ ] 59: Sunlight

- [ ] 60: Your family

- [ ] 61: Inside jokes

- [ ] 62: Birthdays

- [ ] 63: Christmas

- [ ] 64: Family traditions

- [ ] 65: The taste of your favorite food

- [ ] 66: Favorite tv show

- [ ] 67: Favorite movie

- [ ] 68: Going to new places

- [ ] 69: The ability to peruse whatever you choose (there are over 7 billion people on Earth, don’t be afraid to be you)

- [ ] 70: To earn money and rewards

- [ ] 71: You can always flip your life around.

- [ ] 72: To find the perfect job/career for you

- [ ] 73: Pizza

- [ ] 74: Kittens

- [ ] 75: New haircuts

- [ ] 76: Moments you can look back to and laugh at

- [ ] 77: The clouds

- [ ] 78: The world is better with you in it

- [ ] 79: Roller Coasters

- [ ] 80: Showers

- [ ] 81: Cake

- [ ] 82:Growing old

- [ ] 83: Growing old with the person you love

- [ ] 84: Singing

- [ ] 85: Sleeping

- [ ] 86: Icecream

- [ ] 87: Cookies

- [ ] 88: food in general

- [ ] 89: Movie nights

- [ ] 90: Candy

- [ ] 91: Popcorn

- [ ] 92: Daydreaming

- [ ] 93: Happy moments

- [ ] 94: Halloween

- [ ] 95: Sleepovers

- [ ] 96: Parties

- [ ] 97: Having a good personality

- [ ] 98: Making people happy

- [ ] 99: Bonfires

- [ ] 100: Sitting on rooftops

- [ ] 101: Vacations

- [ ] 102: Hearing crazy stories

- [ ] 103: Telling crazy stories

- [ ] 104: Treehouses

- [ ] 105: Starbucks

- [ ] 106: You’ve changed someone’s life

- [ ] 107: If you’re gone how will you achieve great things?

- [ ] 108: Everyone has talent including you

- [ ] 109: Eating crazy food

- [ ] 110: Hanging out with your friends

- [ ] 111: Nobody could ever replace you

- [ ] 112: You have so much to live for

- [ ] 113: Your dreams need some fulfilling to do

- [ ] 114: Living life to the fullest

- [ ] 115: Heck,I would miss you like crazy

- [ ] 116: Your family and friends would be devastated if you were gone

- [ ] 117: Someone out there is constantly praying to meet someone like you

- [ ] 118: Your future

- [ ] 119: You could save so many lives

- [ ] 120: You are too beautiful to disappear

- [ ] 121: You are bigger than any of your problems

- [ ] 122: You are never alone during this struggle

- [ ] 123: Tomorrow is a new day!

- [ ] 124: You are worth more than you think

- [ ] 125: But,the final and most important one is, just being able to experience life,because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now,anything could happen!

💗💗

All suicide hotline numbers if you need someone to talk to :

- [ ] Argentina: +5402234930430

- [ ] Australia: 131114

- [ ] Austria: 142; for children and young people, 147

- [ ] Belgium: 106

- [ ] Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05

- [ ] Botswana: 3911270

- [ ] Brazil: 188 for the CVV National Association

- [ ] Canada: 1 .833 .456 .4566, 5147234000

- [ ] (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)

- [ ] Croatia: 014833888

- [ ] Denmark: +4570201201

- [ ] Egypt: 7621602

- [ ] Estonia: 3726558088;

- [ ] Russian 3726555688

- [ ] Finland: 010 195 202

- [ ] France: 0145394000

- [ ] Germany: 08001810771

- [ ] Holland: 0900767

- [ ] Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000

- [ ] Hungary: 116123

- [ ] India: 8888817666

- [ ] Ireland: +44058457909090

- [ ] Italy: 800860022

- [ ] Japan: +810352869090

- [ ] Mexico: 5255102550

- [ ] New Zealand: 0800543354

- [ ] Norway: +4781533300

- [ ] Philippines: 028969191

- [ ] Poland: 5270000

- [ ] Portugal: 21 854 07 40/8 . 96 898 21 50

- [ ] Russia: 0078202577577

- [ ] Spain: 914590050

- [ ] South Africa: 0514445691

- [ ] Sweden: 46317112400

- [ ] Switzerland: 143

- [ ] United Kingdom: 08457909090

- [ ] USA: 18002738255

- [ ] Veterans’ Crisis Line: 1 800 273 8255/ text 383255

💗💗

songs that could make you happy 🥺

Personal by HRVY: @YJpE

I like me better by Lauv: @ozwA

Classic by MKTO: @A4Ds

Just friends by JORDY: @eINM

Eastside by Benny Blanco,Halsey,& Khalid: @UvGY

What makes you beautiful by 1D: @-A4E

Cheerleader by OMI: @QfW8

Everybody talks by Neon Trees: @84lE

Dear future husband by Meghan Trainor: @D_40

Backyard Boy by Claire Rosinkranz: @shy8

Shut up and dance with me by WALK THE MOON: @lx6Q

iSpy by KYLE: @gMPU

Trap queen by Fetty Wap: @NKio

LMK by Lil XXEL: @IC24

Dynamite by BTS: @WNZg

- fun facts!

1.Otters hold hands when sleeping is they don’t drift away from each other

2.Penguins only have one mate their entire life, they also propose by giving them a pebble

3.Cows have best friends

4.you’re perfect <3

- another message: -

💗💗

To all those people being bullied

- To all those people who have lost a loved one

- To all those people who have lost a pet

- To all those people being abused

- To all those people going through depression

- To all those people with anxiety

- To all those people in poverty

- To all those people going through a breakup

- To all those people having a bad day

- To all those people with insecurities

- To all those people just having a hard time

Don’t forget

- Your weakness today

- Is your strength tomorrow

- It always gets better

- Your loved ones will remain in your hearts

- You always have the memories

- Love yourself

- Stand up for yourself

- Money can’t buy happiness

- Those lovers

- Just weren’t right

- Don’t abuse yourself

- Don’t abuse others

- Kill them with kindness

- Treat people with kindness

- We’ve all had these times

- There will always be a hole in our chests

But

- Let’s all be each others’ strength

- whether you’re

- Black

- White

- LGBTQ+

- Christian

- Atheist

- Muslim

- Etc

- Love yourself

- Love others

- Don’t cut

- Don’t kill

- Don’t criticize

- Don’t beg

- Don’t do drugs

- Don’t starve yourself

- Don’t starve others

We aren’t supposed to do any of that

- Just keep your strength

- Keep your faith

- Don’t change because you were told to

- Be yourself

- Sometimes playing a character, isn’t the best thing to do. Have a great day, and don’t stop spreading awareness about things that are happening currently in the world.

⚠️ this is not my text, that however doesn't mean that I don't agree with every single word said here. out of the experience, it destroys people. Please don't be afraid to ask for help.

Please, I beg you, please don't do it. You are worth it and there are people who love you.⚠️

I need everyone to pass this on.

💗 ✊🏻✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿

#messages #true words #black butler grim reapers #people

9 notes · View notes

edxtsytlps · 3 years

Text

Writing Characters with ADHD

This is another thing I personally experience. However, this won't just be about my experiences (basing it off mine, my cousin's, and my classmate/friend's[? Am I friends with him?]) and on Instagram will likely be divided up between posts. So let's get into it! AND DON'T HESITATE TO CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG!!! I only know for sure what's in my brain, and I can only tell from my cousin what I see them do, and while I've done some research, it's different for everyone so if you have anything to add, just put it in the comments or DM me and I'll put them in a future post!

What is ADHD?

ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It is horribly named, though. "I have trouble focusing and doing daily tasks, and sometimes I find it easier to concentrate when I'm moving." And then the name says, "Oh! Maybe you have a trouble sitting still disorder." Sorry!! That was a joke I saw while scrolling through Instagram ADHD hashtags, but I can't for the life of me remember who posted it. ANYWAY, ADHD has an unknown for sure cause, but evidence is supporting that it's caused by a lack of the chemical dopamine in the prefrontal cortex of the brain.

There are three (3) types of ADHD!

Yep! You read that right (probably). There is the hyperactive type, the inattentive type, and the combined type.

The hyperactive type is the one most commonly thought of when someone mentions ADHD. They're the ones that seem to have the more impulsive side, however I have the combined type and I have some impulsiveness. So how do write characters with the hyperactive type of ADHD? Here are a few tips:

As stated above, they seem to be the most impulsive. This doesn't mean everyone that's impulsive has ADHD, but oftentimes the hyperactive type is the ones you see blurting out answers in class or inturrupting others.

The hyperactive type is often seen fidgiting. Whether it be with their clothes, a fidgit toy, or whatever. According to my cousin, they have an easier time focusing on things while his hands are fidgiting with something.

This type is more commonly seen in boys than it is girls, and often easier to diagnose as the symptoms are easier to recognize. I have a friend and she has the hyperactive type, so it's definitely possible for girls to have it; it's just less common!

Hyperactivity can also be in the mind! It doesn't always have to be moving around. It can also be having a hyperactive mind.

NOTE: I don't really have this type, so if anyone does and wants to add on or correct me please do so!

The inattentive type has previously gone by ADD, but that is now an outdated term. I have more of this type when it comes to my combined type than the hyperactive, so this one may be explained better with more helpful tips.

While the hyperactive type is more common in boys, the inattentive type is more common in girls. Like above, it's definitely possible for boys to have the inattentive type but it's more common in girls.

Daydreaming a lot is very common with this type. Maladaptive daydreaming is also often co-existant with ADHD and although there isn't evidence to back this up (I don't think), I've always had the idea that MaDD went more in hand with the inattentive type than the others. If you want more information on MaDD, check my other account (in bio)!

Touble focusing, poor hygiene, seeming socially withdrawn, etc. are common symptoms with both types, but considering the test my doctor gave me before diagnosing me I *think* they're more prominant symptoms in this type.

This type is most often diagnosed in your teenage years/adulthood as the symptoms are often mistaken for symptoms of depression and anxiety before they think it's inattentive ADHD.

The combined type has symptoms of both. Also! It isn't always 50% symptoms hyperactive type and the other 50% inattentive, it can be a mixture of percentages.

General Tips

Now that I've covered the different types and the main differences between all of them, here are some general tips! The ones above are more for specific types and so they're things that you may want to include as a way to develop your character more. Anyway, let's gooooooo!

Medicine sucks, okay. I often forget to take it when I don't have school (where I'm tracked down by the nurse if I forget). It has side effects, as well. I originally was on Strattera, but it would make me sleepy throughout the day and it would make it worse rather than better. However, Adderall makes me lose my apetite and my sleep schedule is really messed up. But, it helps! It doesn't affect us the same way it does people without ADHD.

ADHD and austism often go hand in hand. Not always, but oftentimes if a person has ADHD, they also have autism. You may consider putting your character on the autism spectrum if they have ADHD.

People with ADHD stim. There are many types of stimming, and I suggest that you research the types (as well as more research than just what I'm telling you or what other accounts have posted on the subject).

A focusing tip: I personally find it easier to speed up the playback speed on Youtube videos when I have to watch them as well as put closed captioning on. Not really a focusing tip, but it helps me retain the information and it *could* help your character too (remember, everyone is different). If I can't speed it up like that, I'll get out an index card and start drawing.

We go through periods of hyperfocus! This is where we focus on one thing for a lengthy period of time. Oftentimes after this, I personally go through a period of burnout where I find interest in nothing.

Emotions are very intense. Not that they aren't for other people, and I have no clue personally because I'm and empath (see @klenasboba 's post) and I only ever feel others' emotions but my friend and cousin both have very intense emotions. Even more so than the other people I've met.

That's all I know! Please remember, there is a spectrum and everyone experiences it differently. Also, this shouldn't have to be said but please don't self-diagnose based on the information I've told you. If you feel like you may have ADHD, please do more research. If you want to have a character with ADHD but aren't sure if you're writing them right, consider getting a sensitivity reader (see @chcmpagneandsvnshine 's post) and as always for anything like this, do research!!

8 notes · View notes

cornus27florida · 3 years

Text

This the WoT I keep searching for

On the same date as today, February 7th, I am giving birthed to this world and I am very thankful for it. To all memories of them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoxRhxsTmNg

天ノ弱 Amanojaku / I am thankful to be birthed to this world

Reasons to live:

“Suicide doesn’t stop the pain,” “It gives it to someone else.” -

[ ] 1: We would miss you -

[ ] 2: It’s worth it to be alive -

[ ] 3: It does get better, believe it or not it will eventually get better. -

[ ] 4: There’s so much you would miss out on doing if you cut things now. -

[ ] 5: You are worth it don’t let anyone, even yourself tell you otherwise. -

[ ] 6: God made you for a reason, you have a reason. -

[ ] 7: There is always a reason to live! -

[ ] 8: So many people care about you -

[ ] 9: You are amazing -

[ ] 10: I don’t even know you and I love you still-

[ ] 11: I care for you -

[ ] 12: There are plenty of people that love you -

[ ] 13: You are literally perfect!! <3 -

[ ] 14: There are plenty of people that care for you -

[ ] 15: God loves you -

[ ] 16: God cares about you -

[ ] 17: Sometimes life is hard but it will make you a stronger person don’t worry!

[ ] 18: What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about all the things you’ve planned, but never got around doing? You can’t do them if your dead. -

[ ] 19: I want you to be alive - Hold on, I still want you here

[ ] 20: So many people want you alive! -

[ ] 21: You won’t be able to listen to Music if you die -

[ ] 22: You’ll never be able to listen to your favorite song if you die. -

[ ] 23: You’ll never be able to listen to your favorite singer if you’re gone -

[ ] 24: You’ll never be able to listen to your favorite rapper if you’re gone. -

[ ] 25: You’ll never be able listening to really loud music ever again -

[ ] 26: Killing yourself is never worth it, you’ll hit both yourself & the people who care about you. -

[ ] 27: There are so many people that would miss you,including me -

[ ] 28: Did you the clouds in the sky that wavering so prettily? If you die you can’t see that anymore -

[ ] 29: You are gorgeous -

[ ] 30: Someone out there would die for you :’) -

[ ] 31: How do you think your family would feel? -

[ ] 32: Proving people wrong with your success. -

[ ] 33: Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life. -

[ ] 34: You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day

[ ] 35: You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a cold building on a hot day. -

[ ] 36: Being stupid in public just because you can. -

[ ] 37: Helping other people. -

[ ] 38: You have a future to live for.. -

[ ] 39: Being alive is good -

[ ] 40: Please thinking about happy memories -

[ ] 41: Finding your soulmate. -

[ ] 42: All nighters!!! -

[ ] 43: Sleeping in all day -

[ ] 44: You can look back at yourself later in your life and be glad you didn’t commit suicide. -

[ ] 45: Nobody could ever replace you -

[ ] 46: You’re unique -

[ ] 47: Those lovely pets -

[ ] 48: Those lively petting pets -

[ ] 49: Netflix and movies and animes-

[ ] 50: Decorating the Christmas tree -

[ ] 51: Dreams that make you smile -

[ ] 52: Breakfast in bed -

[ ] 53: New clothes -

[ ] 54: New shoes -

[ ] 55: New books -

[ ] 56: Sunrises and Sunsets -

[ ] 57: Friends -

[ ] 58: The ocean -

[ ] 59: Sunlight -

[ ] 60: Your family -

[ ] 61: Inside jokes -

[ ] 62: Birthdays -

[ ] 63: Christmas or other holidays-

[ ] 64: Family traditions -

[ ] 65: The taste of your favorite food -

[ ] 66: Favorite tv show -

[ ] 67: Favorite movie -

[ ] 68: Going to new places -

[ ] 69: The ability to peruse what ever you choose (there are over 7 billion people on Earth,don’t be afraid to be you) -

[ ] 70: To earn money and rewards -

[ ] 71: You can always flip your life around. -

[ ] 72: To find the perfect job/career for you -

[ ] 73: Pizza -

[ ] 74: Kittens -

[ ] 75: New haircuts -

[ ] 76: Moments you can look back to and laugh at -

[ ] 77: The clouds -

[ ] 78: The world is better with you in it -

[ ] 79: Roller Coasters -

[ ] 80: Showers -

[ ] 81: Cake -

[ ] 82:Growing old -

[ ] 83: Growing old with the person you love -

[ ] 84: Singing -

[ ] 85: Sleeping -

[ ] 86: Icecream -

[ ] 87: Cookies -

[ ] 88: food in general -

[ ] 89: Movie nights -

[ ] 90: Candy -

[ ] 91: Popcorn -

[ ] 92: Daydreaming -

[ ] 93: Happy moments -

[ ] 94: Halloween -

[ ] 95: Sleepovers -

[ ] 96: Parties -

[ ] 97: Having a good personality -

[ ] 98: Making people happy -

[ ] 99: Bonfires -

[ ] 100: Sitting on rooftops -

[ ] 101: Vacations -

[ ] 102: Hearing crazy stories -

[ ] 103: Telling crazy stories -

[ ] 104: Treehouses -

[ ] 105: Starbucks -

[ ] 106: You’ve changed someone’s life -

[ ] 107: If you’re gone how will you achieve great things? -

[ ] 108: Everyone has talent including you -

[ ] 109: Eating crazy food -

[ ] 110: Hanging out with your friends -

[ ] 111: Nobody coul ever replace you -

[ ] 112: You have so much to live for -

[ ] 113: Your dreams need some fulfilling to do -

[ ] 114: Living life to the fullest -

[ ] 115: Heck, I would miss you like crazy -

[ ] 116: Your family and friends would be devastated if you were gone -

[ ] 117: Someone out there is constantly praying to meet someone like you -

[ ] 118: Your future -

[ ] 119: You could save so many lives -

[ ] 120: You are too beautiful to disappear -

[ ] 121: You are bigger than any of your problems -

[ ] 122: You are never alone during this struggle -

[ ] 123: Tomorrow is a new day! -

[ ] 124: You are worth more than you think -

[ ] 125: But,the final and most important one is, just being able to experience life, because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, anything could happen!

💗💗 All suicide hotline numbers if you need someone to talk to :

- [ ] Argentina: +5402234930430

- [ ] Australia: 131114

- [ ] Austria: 142; for children and young people, 147 - [ ] Belgium: 106 - [ ] Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05 - [ ] Botswana: 3911270 - [ ] Brazil: 188 for the CVV National Association - [ ] Canada: 1 .833 .456 .4566, 5147234000 - [ ] (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal) - [ ] Croatia: 014833888 - [ ] Denmark: +4570201201 - [ ] Egypt: 7621602 - [ ] Estonia: 3726558088; - [ ] Russian 3726555688 - [ ] Finland: 010 195 202 - [ ] France: 0145394000 - [ ] Germany: 08001810771 - [ ] Holland: 0900767 - [ ] Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000 - [ ] Hungary: 116123 - [ ] India: 8888817666 - [ ] Ireland: +44058457909090 - [ ] Italy: 800860022 - [ ] Japan: +810352869090 - [ ] Mexico: 5255102550 - [ ] New Zealand: 0800543354 - [ ] Norway: +4781533300 - [ ] Philippines: 028969191 - [ ] Poland: 5270000 - [ ] Portugal: 21 854 07 40/8 . 96 898 21 50 - [ ] Russia: 0078202577577 - [ ] Spain: 914590050 - [ ] South Africa: 0514445691 - [ ] Sweden: 46317112400 - [ ] Switzerland: 143 - [ ] United Kingdom: 08457909090 - [ ] USA: 18002738255 - [ ] Veterans’ Crisis Line: 1 800 273 8255/ text 383255

💗💗 songs that could make you happy 🥺 Personal by HRVY: @YJpE I like me better by Lauv: @ozwA Classic by MKTO: @A4Ds Just friends by JORDY: @eINM Eastside by Benny Blanco,Halsey,& Khalid: @UvGY What makes you beautiful by 1D: @-A4E Cheerleader by OMI: @QfW8 Everybody talks by Neon Trees: @84lE Dear future husband by Meghan Trainor: @D_40 Backyard Boy by Claire Rosinkranz: @shy8 Shut up and dance with me by WALK THE MOON: @lx6Q iSpy by KYLE: @gMPU Trap queen by Fetty Wap: @NKio LMK by Lil XXEL: @IC24 Dynamite by BTS: @WNZg

- fun facts!

1.Otters hold hands when sleeping is they don’t drift away from each other

2.Penguins only have one mate their entire life,they also propose by giving them a pebble

3.Cows have best friends

4.you’re perfect <3 -

another message :

- 💗💗 To all those people being bullied

- To all those people who have lost a loved one

- To all those people who have lost a pet

- To all those people being abused

- To all those people going through depression

- To all those people with anxiety

- To all those people in poverty

- To all those people going through a breakup

- To all those people having a bad day

- To all those people with insecurities

- To all those people just having a hard time

Don’t forget! - Your weakness today - Is your strength tomorrow - It always gets better - Your loved ones will remain in your hearts - You always have the memories - Love yourself - Stand up for yourself - Money can’t buy happiness - Those lovers - Just weren’t right - Don’t abuse yourself - Don’t abuse others - Kill them with kindness - Treat people with kindness - We’ve all had these times - There will always be a hole in our chests But - Let’s all be each others’ strength - whether you’re - Black - White - LGBTQ+ - Christian - Atheist - Etc - Love yourself - Love others - Don’t cut - Don’t kill - Don’t criticize - Don’t beg - Don’t do drugs - Don’t starve yourself - Don’t starve others We aren’t supposed to do any of that - Just keep your strength - Keep your faith - Don’t change because you were told to - Be yourself - Sometimes playing a character,isn’t the best thing to do. Have a great day,and don’t stop spreading awareness about things that are happening currently in the world .

⚠️ this is not my text, that however doesn't mean that I don't agree with every single word said here. out of experience, it destroys people. Please don't be afraid to ask for help. Please, I beg you, please don't do it. You are worth it and there are people who love you.⚠️

I need everyone to pass this on.

💗 ✊🏻✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿 copied comment

#February is month of self-love #you are never alone #comfort #hurt #sad

8 notes · View notes

kitcat992 · 4 years

Note

I come with questions! — 1) Really enjoyed Identity Crisis so I was wondering how the idea for it came about? Like, was it a small vague idea that grew or was it full grown idea straight from the get go? What things changed as you were writing it? 2) What's your method of writing? Do you plan ahead/outline or just go with the flow and edit as you go/later? I am a mess and so I like knowing stuff like that lol

OMG I absolutely DIE when I get questions like these!!!

If you can’t tell, almost no one ever asks me author related questions so I get super excited when someone does 😆 Your girl is about to rammmmbbllleeeeeeee!

Alright, so! Identity Crisis. How did the idea come about? That’s a good one.

I don’t know.

😅

Next question?

Lol, but for real. I came up with the idea during chapter 12 of Identity Theft. That was the chapter I realized “Oh shit, there is NO WAY in any universe I’ll ever be able to tell this entire narrative in one fanfic. Uhhhh...crap. Okay, so...well...uh....sequel? Eck, no, sequel sounds grabby. A continuation. Yes. We’ll *continue* the story in another installment. Shit. Am I doing a series? Goddamnit. I didn’t sign up for this. This is bullshit.”

Basically, when I was writing Identity Theft, I threw every single idea, concept, piece of dialogue, plot thread - all of it. I threw it into a document and began sorting it out. Things I wanted to write, things I wanted to happen, things I felt needed to happen, ect ect and ect ect. Those oddball moments of daydreaming while driving home from work? I logged it all. No thought was spared from being documented.

I’d say maybe 50% got moved into the Identity Crisis folder because there was only so much I could pack into Identity Theft while still holding true to the original narrative I wanted to tell (that being: Tony realizes just how much Peter means to him, Peter gets himself into a pickle, Tony thinks he’s lost him for good/almost looses him for good, Tony comes to realize he’s #dad and ain’t going back)

Was it always a small vague idea? Yeah, kinda. I always knew I wanted to do Venom. Similar to how Identity Theft’s barebone concept was Tony #dad, the barebone concept for Identity Crisis was Peter having PTSD from Identity Theft, and his emotions being manifested and manipulated into something much more extreme by the symbiote. Now, for a HOT second, I was annoyed with how many Venom fics were popping up thanks to Sony’s Venom movie, and I reallllyyy didn’t want to seem like I was doing the same, so I entertained the idea of using Kraven the Hunter as the antagonist for the fic instead (seeing as he’s Dimitri’s brother) However, it never clicked, it never worked, and I never even got the concept on paper. I absolutely needed the symbiote for Peter’s character arc, and definitely needed it for Norman’s (which also leads into something bigger than this narrative can contain, godeffingdamnit I really did NOT sign up for this!)

The only major change the story has seen since outlining it has been length. It was originally only outlined as...20 chapters, I think? The problem is, the further out you outline, the more vague your layouts become. You outline “May and Tony have a talk” only to actually *write* that talk and realize it was most of the chapter, and you need to start splitting things up to avoid reader fatigue.

So I guess that leads right into question #2! Do I plan ahead/outline? Abas-posta-tivly-loutly. Every scene, every chapter, even pieces of dialogue are all already pre-written and laid out.

Again, some are very simplistic - May and Tony discuss Peter’s behavior over lunch. Others are much more detailed - I have 20% of a conversation between Peter and Tony during Chapter 19 already written out, and I wrote it easily over a year ago. As I think of it, I write it. Most of the time, I make notes in my phone, and then copy that back into my computer documents when I have the free time.

The whole “I’ll remember that later” thing is a trap and no writer should ever fall for it.

I also have all my chapters divided into Acts. All my stories have 5 Acts - that’s always been the number that works for me. Act 1 is the foundation, Act 2 is the build up, Act 3 is Shit Goes Down, Act 4 is the More Shit Goes Down/and the Aftermath, Act 5 is the conclusion. Sometimes I view the Acts as seasons, too. Like a TV show. I dunno, it just helps me plan and keep a solid flow to the story.

Outlining never happens in one day either, by the way. I was outlining Identity Crisis WHILE writing Identity Theft. I’m outlining the final story in this series while writing Identity Crisis. The outline can change a little bit once the story starts - I’ve added a few unplanned scenes in both fics along the way, and deleted a few others too. Doctor Strange helping during Peter’s surgery in Chapter 24 of Identity Theft? Was never originally planned. Thor showing up at the end of Identity Theft? THAT was originally planned, and scrapped. Tony asking Hank Pym for Pym Particulars during Chapter 12 of Identity Crisis? Was never planned. I still go with the flow when writing. I don’t stick strictly to an outline i f it doesn’t work anymore. Now, that always adds to my chapter lengths, word count, stresses me out and gives me anxiety - but hey. That’s writing for ya

#fanfiction #fanfic #writing

15 notes · View notes