#it broke my heart it was the only thing keeping me afloat

[itsloveit]

the most heartbreaking part in healing itself is mourning your comfort reality you can’t stay in

[iamjellyfish]

HOSHINA SOSHIRO | Chase after fate (idk what to name this fic) ❥A/n: I genuinely want to write angst, extra angst, and multiple angst tropes in one fic, so this one is to drabble up something angst so I got fed. ❥Summary: You, a ghost of his past, haunt him even if he is in an arranged marriage and thought he had moved on years ago. Who knows your fading and fluttering image held his heart hostage? Yet when he managed to hold you close, he found out you already forgot everything. ❥Trope: arrange marriage (Soshiro and someone else), you fall in love too soon - he realizes how much he loves you too late, you get in an accident and lose your memory. ❥Warning: THE ANGST DEMON HOLD MY HAND AND WRITE THIS, angst (a lot of angst), unclear ending, Soshiro underestimate his heart.

Sometimes when he looks at you, something about you resembles a butterfly, so beautiful yet can't see its own beauty... Sometimes he found himself recalling old memories... just something small like how you always prefer to sit near windows at the cafeteria or in a car, how even after months of training you still sometimes have small mistakes that usually only rookie had. Small and insignificant memories. At least he thinks so. He is now a married man with the responsibility he must bear. Even if it's a loveless marriage, he still needs to do his part because his wife has done her part which is to take care of the house while he is working. You probably can't handle being a housewife, you can't cook and get distracted by unimportant things.

You and him used to dating, yet deep down he knows that the moment he chose his work over you, he already lost you. It was 0:23 on a Friday, you and he were on a mission and you got injured. Yet, he has to chase down the honju while you wait for help, despite you being afraid and begging him to be there... He was gone. You knew he had an arranged marriage yet you were so in love with him, you two tried to stop it from happening but in the end, only you still trying to make things work. You know and understand for Soshiro but a girl could only take too much before she broke. Glasses were broken and your bandage hand was bleeding. At the time, Soshiro, wasn't serious about the relationship, in his heart, this is probably a doomed relationship from the start. You were the moth that flew into the flames but refused to be stopped by him. "Soshiro, do you think you love me?" You said, blood still dripping, Soshiro's hands reach out to help you yet you push him away. Of course, Soshiro loves you, but in his heart, he chose work over you, which means he had the accept the arranged marriage between clans. He was waiting for this ship to sink eventually yet he yearned to keep it afloat as long as he could. Even if it's just another moment. "Of course darling, I love you! Now please, let's fix your bleeding hand and clean the glasses okay?" You let him fix your bandages and just look down into the broken glasses, you wonder, if this is your fault. It's you that was the moth that flew into this dumpster fire, you know that he would choose work over you yet you chase after him. The days were you laughing at your friends for "I can fix him" come crashing down on you. Soshiro recall the days when you would get hurt in a mission and he would visit you in the hospital with your favorite foods and would lecture you about keeping yourself safe. "Y/n, I don't want you to get hurt, even if it's to protect me." He said, that day you jump into the kaiju's attack to shield him from it. He never told you but that day, your eyes looked really beautiful, they looked like they held stars in them. He found himself brushing your strands of hair out of the way for him to see your eyes more clearly. "It's fine, it's you that I would get hurt for! Every injury from protecting you is worth it!" You say that with a warm smile, it gave him butterflies yet he would push it down into the abyss of his heart because he was sure that this wouldn't work out, yet he can't tell you that. Eventually, his mind wanders to the memories of you breaking up with him on the day you quit being a soldier. He thinks your reason for quitting is something about your injury that requires you a long time to heal which affects your ability to fight. He didn't want to relive that memory again but he recalled that your hands were oddly cold that day, and your bandages were a bit off. He would fix it but you already leave. He was pulled back to the present when his wife, who is so different from you poked him. Soshiro treated her how he wasn't able to treat you, Soshiro made sure she wouldn't have to shoulder the doubts and the loneliness alone. Even if they're just friend now, he knows that she tried her best to keep things working out. "Soshiro, are you alright? Still thinking about that girl?"

She said, her fingers trailing down the lines in the book. She knows who you are, in fact, she met you, yet you were kind and understanding to her. She respected you, because even if fate is cruel to you, you still want to help her, Soshiro from this tragic event called "loveless marriage". She supports Soshiro in chasing you, yet she knows that Soshiro has insecurities that make him push away his feelings for you, and make him not understand his own feelings. And now you were a fluttering image haunting him, a beautiful illusion in his mind, and an unmovable calming ghost. In his dreams, you were always waiting for him, dancing so graciously while everything around you was dead calm. Your eyes held their sadness and blamed him, he doesn't mind, you should be blaming him. He always imagines you wearing a wedding dress that catches his eye one day, if he can, he would want to hold you your dream wedding. "...I'm sorry. I shouldn't." He said, looking at her, he felt guilty that he had to make her feel this way. Then he stood up after realizing what time is it. He recalls how you always told him about how you save money by buying stuff at certain hours for deals, he didn't understand much but seeing you talking about it made him happy. "Let me make up for you by buying the groceries alright?" She looks a bit disappointed and then smiles at him. She wanted him to go to you, to finally wife you up but the man seems to not understand all the hints she throwing these years. "I hope you will finally buy the courage to chase after the girl. The last time I saw her, she was still waiting for you." Soshiro just waved at that, pretending to not care yet deep down, those words surfaced feelings in him that he was not ready to face. Then he found himself wandering a little in the mall, wandering to shops that he thought you would like, Soshiro's eyes kept looking at clothes, and accessories that would fit you so well. And there you are, his bittersweet memories, you were here. But you don't acknowledge his presence, your beautiful eyes are looking around, those empty eyes. You look so lost, so out of place, just like in his dreams. "Y/n..." Soshiro's body betrayed him, and despite not wanting to talk to you, he still moved toward you. His heart beat fast and his hands yearn to hold you close. Yet you looked at him confused, you moved back a little, frowning at his calling. "I'm sorry... Do I know you?" You said, those words of yours froze him. Soshiro mind was racing, he thought you probably hated him and wanted to do nothing with him. The thought of you forgetting about him makes his heart clench. This is the moment he wishes it all was just a nightmare. "Don't you remember? I'm your vice-captain Hoshina!" He tried his best to do his signature grin, your eyes look into him and you clench a part of your jacket while frowning. Then you finally spoke. "Oh, I'm sorry, I just got into an accident and lost my memory, you were probably my friend. So... How are you doing?" You smile warmly at him but before he can reply, you are already dragged away by your friends because you wander off without telling them. He just stood there for a moment. While buying groceries and paying for them, his mind keeps replaying the conversation with you, he is deep in his thoughts thinking about a future with you, about how there might be a chance he can patch things up with you. "I hope you will finally buy the courage to chase after the girl. The last time I saw her, she was still waiting for you."

He recalls his wife saying that. When he goes home, Soshiro realizes today was a snowy day, on the way home, the memories of you playing in the snow happily without the care in the world replay in his mind. He found himself would die if he couldn't spend the rest of his life by your side.

Your fading images of playing with the snow had made him feel warm. He swore to himself that he would be chasing after that image even if this time, he was the moth flying into the flames. "Soshiro, I build a snowman that looks like you!"

[jpmarvel90]

Proud

Masterlist Scarlett Masterlist

Relationship: Scarlett x Reader, Reader is Olsen sibling

Summary: After proposing to Scarlett Y/n can't wait to tell her sisters, even though they've been distant with her. However, an argument between the sisters could lead to their relationship being changed forever.

Word Count: 7728

Y/n's POV:

The moment that Scarlett agreed to marry me, became the happiest moment of my life. I had proposed on the roof top of our favourite restaurant. The moonlight was perfectly reflecting in her eyes as I asked the most important question I ever have. She responded with a yes before I even managed to finish the full question. She threw herself into my arms and hugged me tighter than ever, before landing the most loving kiss on my lips.

A lot of people think that I met Scarlett through my sister Lizzie, but they're wrong. You see, I'm not in the celebrity world like my sisters. I didn't have a talent like they did for acting or fashion. I knew that it wasn't the life for me. Instead I wanted to join the Army. I wanted to do something good with my life, something my family could be proud of.

Turns out my parents didn't agree. They didn't like the fact that I didn't want to follow in my older sisters' footsteps and before I knew it, I had basically been cut off from them. It broke my heart that they didn't want anything to do with me purely because of my career choice. My sisters stuck by me though. I was really close with Lizzie. I'm only a year younger than her and she's always stuck by me.

It was through my career that I met Scarlett. She attended one of the military balls and we shared a dance. The rest was history. It was a bit of a shock to my sister when I told her that I wanted to introduce her to my new girlfriend, and she was met with her co-worker. But after she got over the initial shock, she was really happy for us.

Scarlett and I's relationship developed quickly, which was a blessing as I was sent for a deployment after being together for only 6 months. It was really hard being away from her, but it only strengthened our relationship, and we were moving in together when I returned.

Everything was going perfectly. Which of course meant that something was bound to go wrong. It started off with the twins. I knew how busy they were with setting up their own clothing line. I was incredibly proud of everything that they had achieved. They both went through so much shit whilst they were growing up that they deserve to have this now.

Because of this, I wasn't surprised with how my time with them slowly started to reduce. Like I say, I was proud of them, and I'd be able to celebrate with them once they launched. That's easier said than done when I didn't get an invite. Even Scarlett got one and she was fuming. But I assured her I was ok with it. They knew I didn't like being in the public eye, so probably thought it was best I didn't go. Would have been nice to have had the choice though.

When things really started to get tough, was when Lizzie started to do the same. After Age of Ultron was released, her career skyrocketed and, as with the twins, our time together got less and less. Again, I couldn't have been more proud of her. She had worked so hard to get to where she was. To see that come to fruition for her was amazing.

I got used to getting the usual response of "Sorry we're busy" when I would ask if they wanted to meet for lunch or dinner to catch up. It was true, they had incredibly high paced jobs and it was difficult to fit into that. I found this hardest when I was up for deployments. I would try to arrange to see them before I'd leave, or whilst I was on R&R, but they never had the time to fit me in. Sometimes, I wondered if they even realised that I was in a warzone for months at a time.

Although I was finding my dwindling relationship with my sisters difficult, Scarlett was able to keep me afloat, and her family had become like my own. When I asked her parents if I could ask Scarlett to marry me, they were both so excited and insisted that I called them both mom and dad. "I know you don't have a relationship with your parents, but we want you to know that we see you as one of our own, and we can't think of anyone better to marry Scarlett." Her mom had told me.

I decided to propose to Scarlett after I got the news that I was due on another 6 month deployment. This would ultimately be my last deployment as I had decided to retire from the military. Scarlett and I not liking doing things in the traditional way, had already spoken about children. Both of us very aware that our biological clocks were ticking. After a long discussion, I decided that it was best that I retired and found a new, safer career which would enable me to carry our children. I couldn't have been more excited to start that next chapter of our lives.

The proposal happened a week before I was due to leave. I couldn't wait to tell my sisters that Scarlett had said yes. Due to us not being able to see each other much, they didn't even know that I was planning on proposing. But that didn't matter, I just wanted them to be a part of our wedding. We knew that people would notice the ring on Scarlett's finger sooner or later, so Scarlett had arranged an interview with Jimmy Kimmel to make the announcement. Not wanting that to be the first they heard of it, I made the decision to head down to the Row to tell my sisters.

I knew that Lizzie would be there too as they were working on their next line and had asked Lizzie to help with some of the designs. Scarlett had offered to drive me and wait in the car until I was done. I had made special save the dates specifically for them to ask if the twins would be my bridesmaids and Lizzie my maid of honour.

When we got to the building, I jumped out of the car and excitedly made my way into the building. Sarah, the twins' assistant, recognised me and welcomed me in, letting me know that the three of them were working in Ashley's office and that I could head on in. I made my way through the halls until I got to their offices, and I could see the three of them bent over a table looking at different swatches of material.

I knocked on the door and entered when MK responded. "Hey, how's the line going?" I ask as I entered. They barely looked at me and I even heard an audible sigh coming from Ashley. "We're really busy at the moment Y/n, couldn't you come back another day?" She asks, no patience in her voice. Well, coming back another day wasn't an option because I was leaving tomorrow, but I guess they forgot that. "I promise I won't be long, I just wanted to talk to you all quickly." I say, hoping they can give me at least 5 minutes.

When none of them response, I start to fiddle with the envelopes in my hand, suddenly feeling nervous. "Like Ash said, we really don't have time for you and whatever trivial thing you need to see us about." MK stated coldly without even looking up at me. "Oh. Right. Well, I'll just leave these..." I go to place the save the dates on the desk, but I stop when Ashley snaps at me. "For the love of God Y/n could you just leave?!"

My heart was in my throat when she yelled but I didn't have time to respond until MK joined in. "We are extremely busy right now and we have so much riding on this. You wouldn't have any idea about the risks we have to take." She berates me and I let out a scoff which seems to get their attention.

"I think I know a fair bit about risk." I chuckle to myself when I think about where I'm about to call home for the next six months. "Y/n, you're not in this life you don't understand. If you were a true Olsen, you'd get it." Lizzie's words feel like a burning dagger to my heart. "I guess mom and dad were right." I whisper, trying to fight the tears in my eyes. I won't let them see my cry.

None of them even realise what they said as their focus returns to the work in front of them. That or they really did know, and they meant it. Pulling myself together, I quickly make my way out of their office and down towards the lobby. "Y/n!" I stop when I hear Sarah call my name. "Before you go, I just wanted to wish you well on your deployment." She says with a smile. That breaks my heart even more that their assistant can remember but they can't. "T-thanks." I stutter, not wanting her to see that I'm upset. "Uh, do you have a bin? I need to throw these." I ask her, indicating to the now useless envelopes in my hand. "Sure. I'll take them and throw them for you. Stay safe out there Y/n. Your sisters would hate for something to happen to you." She says, trying to be nice. "Hmm sure. Anyway. Thanks Sarah." I smile and head out to where Scarlett is waiting for me.

As soon as the door slams, I burst into tears which panics Scarlett. She spends 15 minutes trying to calm me down. I just wanted to make them proud. What did I do to get the response that I just had? Have they felt like this for a while? When I finally have gathered myself, I fill her in on everything that happened. It takes a lot to convince her not to go up there and give them a piece of her mind. "They're not worth it Scarlett. I've been in denial for too long. They've outgrown me and I have to accept that they're not in my life anymore." I admit with a heavy heart. "It's their loss babe. You are the most incredible person, and I am so lucky to have you in my life. They don't deserve your kindness." She tells me, pulling me into a hug.

"God, I wish we were married already so I can get rid of this last name and be a part of your family." I sigh, leaning back against the head rest. "What's stopping us?" She says looking at me with the smile I love so much. "What now?" I raise an eyebrow at her. "Let's go and get married now. We can have a big party to celebrate when you are home. But I don't need that to marry you." She cups my face and wipes at my cheeks.

"But your parents will kill me if they're not there." I say, not wanting to be on the wrong side of them. "Then let's call them and get them to meet us at the registry office." She suggests as a smile grows on my face. "Really?" I ask, and she nods easily. "I would have married you the day I met you if I could. You are my entire world and I want nothing more than to call you my wife." She expresses. "Save some for the vows, my love. We have a wedding to get to!" I respond full of excitement.

On the way over, we call up her parents and they instantly agree to come with us. We rush home and change into some nicer clothes. Before we know it, we're driving to meet her parents so we can get married.

The ceremony is uneventful, other than the fact that Scarlett and I can't stop gushing about each other in our vows. But the moment that the clerk declares us wife and wife, my heart couldn't be fuller. I may have lost my sisters today, but I gained a family. One that loves me and supports me unconditionally, and that's all that I need.

We decided to go to a nice restaurant to celebrate our nuptials. It was the perfect way to spend my last evening before I deployed. We said goodbye to Scarlett's parents and then we spent the night together showing each other how much we truly love and adored each other. I didn't get much sleep, but I didn't care. I wanted to make the most of every moment that I had with my wife.

The next morning was really hard as I said goodbye to Scarlett. She came with me to the airfield to see me off. She has a great relationship with the partners of some of the others that I work with, and as we're boarding the plane, it comforts me to see them supporting each other as we head off to Afghanistan. I give her one last wave before I won't see her anymore. She blows me a kiss that I catch and put in my pocket, which makes her laugh. God, I can't wait to have a family with that woman.

Lizzie's POV:

Everything is so stressful at the moment. I had agreed to help MK and Ashley on their latest line, but I'm also starting work on Avengers: Infinity War. I'm so run off my feet, but I love that I'm being kept busy. It's what us Olsen's do best. I'm proud that I get to do this with my sisters. I can't wait to see what we have designed together on the runway.

Y/n caught us at the wrong time, and we lashed out a little. I can barely remember what I said, but we had to focus on getting the final designs signed off before the deadline at the end of the week. I'm sure we'll be able to find time for her at some point and apologise.

The next day we end up working late so we order food to the office. I switch on the TV for us to take a break and saw that Scarlett was due to be the guest on Jimmy Kimmel. I leave it on so we can hear everything that she's been getting up to. I don't see her very often anymore, which is a shame. She's one of my closest friends and my sister's girlfriend. She means a lot to me.

Sarah kindly brought our food in and left us to it just as Scarlett was coming onto the stage. She looked incredible, happier than I've seen her in a long time. She talks about her latest film, Rough Night, which looks like such a fun movie. I can't wait to go and see it. The conversation then moves on to her relationship with Y/n and if it's possible, I'm sure Scarlett's smile just got bigger. "So, I heard a rumour that a big question might have been asked." Jimmy asks, wiggling his eyebrows. All of our attention hyperfocused on the screen.

Scarlett blushes at the question as she nods and holds out her left hand. The camera pans in to show off a beautiful engagement ring. "Y/n proposed to me last week and I couldn't be happier." She shares, which earns cheers from the crowd. A picture then pops up of Y/n down on one knew on a roof top overlooking New York. My stomach drops and I look to the twins. "I can't believe that Y/n didn't tell us." MK says harshly. "We're her sisters for Christ's sake. It would have been nice to hear about it from her rather than with the rest of the world." Ashley adds on.

My own anger suddenly dissipates as I remember the day that Y/n came into the building to see us. Shit. She had something in her hands. I rush out, much to the twins' confusion, but they follow me as I search for Sarah. "Did Y/n leave anything when she was here the other day?" I ask, slightly out of breath. Sarah thinks for a moment and then rummages around in her draws. "She asked me to throw these out when she left. She looked quite upset. Something in me told me not to toss them in the trash." She says, holding out three envelopes towards me.

Seeing our names written on them, I hand them out to my sisters, and we slowly open them up. I let out a gasp when I see a save the day with 'Will you be my maid of honour?' Written below it. Tears start to fill my eyes as I remember how we so easily dismissed her that day. MK and Ash have a similar look to mine as they show me their own, which is asking them to be her bridesmaid. "We fucked up." I whisper, earning a nod from the others.

We quickly agree to go straight to hers and Scarlett's to make up for what we did. Damn, I wish I could remember what I said. I want to be sincere in my apology and I can't do that if I don't remember. We all pile into my car and drive across town to Y/n's townhouse. I practically run up the stairs to their front door and start banging. Scarlett opens the door to us and when she sees it's us, her face morphs to one of anger. "What are you doing here?" She snaps.

"We uh. Wanted to see Y/n. We need to see Y/n. Is she here?" I ask, trying to catch my breath. Scarlett's gaze drops and she shakes her head. "Could we come in and wait? When will she be back?" Ashley asks and Scarlett lets out a scary chuckle. "6 months." She almost spits at me. I look at her confused, as do my sisters. "Wait, what do you mean 6 mon..." Suddenly it hits me. She was being deployed. "She's gone already?" I ask but Scarlett clearly isn't in the mood for us.

She shakes her head in disbelief and goes to shut the door. But Ashley is quick to put her foot there, preventing it from closing. "Please..." She almost begs and Scarlett just laughs. "Please what? I had to sit in the car and help Y/n through a panic attack after she saw you. You completely broke her heart. I can't believe I would let her defend you!" She runs her hands through her hair exasperated. "She deserves so much more than you gave her these last couple of years. Can any of you even tell me the last time you saw Y/n before the day in your office?" She asks and my gaze instantly drops when I can't remember that last time, I saw my sister. "She knew you were busy, it's why she never pestered you. All she ever wanted was a lunch or dinner to catch up. She never knew what might happen whilst she was deployed, and she wanted to have a moment with the three of you just in case." With each thing Scarlett tells us, I feel the shame become almost overwhelming.

"She would always defend you and say it was ok. 'You were busy'. Not like she wasn't either, but she wanted to see you before she was sent to a warzone. But I forgot that a fashion line is more important than family." She says sarcastically. "That was all bad enough. But to tell her she wasn't truly an Olsen, purely because she chose a different career path to the three of you. That was unacceptable." As she speaks, I get a flashback of the words I viciously spoke to her that day and I feel physically sick.

None of us speak. Completely ashamed of our actions. "Y/n is the best person you can have in your life, and you've lost that. You don't deserve her. Now please leave." Before we can even argue, the door slams in our faces. I let the tears fall freely. Y/n has always been so kind and understanding. To know we've pushed her to the point that she's done with us, shows how far we've truly messed up.

We slowly walk back towards the car. All thoughts of the work we have to get finished gone from our minds. "We're just like mom and dad." MK observes and I nod in agreement. We never understood how they could disown Y/n like they did. She did what she thought was best for her. The three of us were so proud of her when she graduated from her Officer training. How did we get to where we are now? Did we really let our careers cloud what was really important? Our sister has become a casualty of our poor decisions and I don't think we can heal that rift.

Scarlett's POV:

Y/n has been gone for 4 months and it's been difficult. She calls when she can but it's just too long to be without the love of my life. I think it feels longer this time because we know that this is her final tour, then we get to start on the journey of creating our family together. We decided not to make it public that we got married. Instead, we'd let everyone know when Y/n got back and have a wedding party instead.

I'm currently working on the latest Avengers movie, and it's been difficult. My relationship with Lizzie is pretty much non-existent. She's tried since we're working together, but I just can't bring myself to have any sort of a relationship with someone that could hurt Y/n so much. Don't get me wrong, I was professional and never rude, but all of the social aspects stopped with her.

I found it difficult at times when she would constantly ask me about Y/n, how she was and if she was ok. In my mind she didn't deserve to know. She never cared when she was on her last deployment. The three of them just gradually started to forget about her. I'm not getting involved until Y/n comes home. If she decides to give them a second change then I'll support her. But until then, I'm sticking by my stance.

I did tell Y/n that they turned up at our doorstep, but the fact that they forgot she was being deployed seemed to just make things worst in her eyes. She didn't see it as them trying to make things right, more like trying to do damage control. They have a lot of work to do if they ever get any resemblance of a relationship with her back.

I'm on my lunch break, eating with the rest of the cast when my assistant Jenna rushes in, my phone in her hand. The look on her face makes my heart drop instantly. "You need to take this." She says quietly as I reach her, not wanting the others to hear. I reach out and take the phone from her. As I hear the voice on the other end of the line, I feel like my world is being torn apart. "Injured and critical." Were two of the only words that I could remember.

Jenna, being the amazing assistant she was, took over the phone call to get all of the information that I would need. "Ok Scarlett, I need you to look at me." She took my hands in hers to get me to focus my attention on her. "She's already in flight and due to land in New York within the hour. She will be taken to Presbyterian to be treated by the trauma team there. I'll call a car whilst you go and grab your things." She once again takes control of the situation and gives me the minimal tasks to do.

My mind is racing as fear fills my body. Without thinking, I run to my trailer and start to rush around collecting everything that I might need. I make sure to throw a bag together with spare clothes for the both of us as well as the essentials that I'm going to need for a prolonged hospital stay. Whilst I'm frantically packing my bag, trying to not fall into a full blown panic attack, my trailer door opens and Lizzie steps in. The last person that I really want to see now. "Scar, what's going on?" She questions me.

I can see by the look in her eye that she knows, but she's too scared of the truth. I don't really hear the question as I'm so focused on making sure I have Y/n's favourite hoody. "Scarlett." She says more forcefully this time, stepping in front of me. "Y/n is hurt." I whisper. I hear a gasp come from her, followed by tears streaming down her face. "How bad is it?" She questions and I let out a sigh. "It's bad Elizabeth. I'm going to meet her at the hospital now." I answer with no emotion, zipping up my bag and throwing it over my shoulder ready to leave. "I'm coming with you." She states confidently, but that dwindles as I stare at her.

"So now you care?" I scoff. I know that it's a low blow, but I don't think any of them understand the real damage they've caused. "I-I, I've always cared." She weakly defends as she plays with the skin around her fingers. I sigh, guilt washing over me. "Hurry up and get what you need. I'm leaving in 5." I order, not making eye contact with her. Before I have time to register her movement, she's already out of my door, running to her own trailer I'm assuming.

I'm walking towards the car park as she catches me up, a bag in her own hand. We get in the car and silence fills the air as we start on the hour long journey to get to the hospital. "I need to call the twins." She says to herself, grabbing out her phone. "Hi Sarah, I need to talk to my sisters." She greets. I can't hear the other side of the conversation, but whatever is said frustrates Lizzie. "I don't care what they said Sarah. You will take this phone to them now. It's an emergency." The anger is evident in her voice and the fact that she doesn't say anything else makes me think that the poor girl is facing the fire by taking the phone to the twins.

"Stop talking!" Lizzie shouts. It takes me by surprise, and I jump a little which causes her to turn to look at me and give me an apologetic look. "Y/n has been severely hurt. Scarlett and I are on the way to New York Presbyterian now. She needs us." It's all she says but the break in her voice is evident. There are some muffled voices on the other end of the line. "See you soon. I love you." Lizzie responds to it and hangs up. "They're going to meet us there." She tells me.

I'm shocked if I'm honest with you. They clearly were in a meeting or not wanting to be disturbed. Maybe they finally have their priorities right. I just wish it didn't come from Y/n being hurt. The rest of the journey is silent apart from our cries. At one point Lizzie reaches out to take my hand. I hate the comfort it brings me, but I need my best friend right now. I give it a squeeze back knowing that she needs the support too.

When we get to the hospital, an Army official is waiting for us and guides us up to the relevant ward. "If you'd both like to wait here, the doctor will be out shortly to give you an update. Is there anyone else you are expecting? I can wait for them as well." He updates us. "Yes, my sisters will be arriving shortly." Lizzie responds. "Ok ma'am. I will head back down and wait for them." He responds, giving us a nod of his head and then heading off back to the hospital entrance.

The waiting room almost feels claustrophobic as I pace the room, desperate for any news. "Lizzie! Scarlett!" I turn to see the twins rushing through the door, the tear tracks on their cheeks clear to see. They pull us both into a hug, which takes me by surprise. I'm still so mad at them in this moment. When they turn to talk to Lizzie, I make my way over to a seat, wanting to distance myself from them.

But I'm not sat for too long when the door opens and a doctor walks through. "Mrs Johansson?" He enquires looking between us. "That's me! How is she?" I say, rushing over to him. "She's currently in the OR. She suffered significant trauma to her body after being involved in an IED explosion." His words sit heavy in the air as I feel like the rug has been pulled from under me. "H-how bad?" I manage to breath out. I can see by the look in his eyes, it's not good.

"She has some superficial injuries such as lacerations from shrapnel injuries. She has three broken ribs as well as a compound fracture to her left ulna. On top of that she has some severe internal bleeding and damage to her kidneys and liver. The most concerning of her injuries is to her spinal column as a result of a fracture to her L1 vertebrae." As he lists off her injuries, I feel sick to my stomach. "Is she paralysed?" I ask the question almost too quietly for it to be heard.

He lets out a small sigh. "That's hard to tell at the moment. On initial investigation, the damage to the spinal cord seems to be bruising, but until they are able to get a proper look at it, we won't know for sure. Either way, she will require extensive physiotherapy." The silence is deafening. I can't believe that this is all happening. "Will she be ok?" Lizzie asks, her voice shaking. I look up to see her clinging to her sisters. "She's in critical condition. But we hope that this surgery will help to stabilise her. I will make sure that you are kept updated as we make our way through, but it will be some hours before she will be done." His words offer little comfort. But I thank him anyway.

As soon as he's left us alone, Lizzie rushes over to pull me into a hug. I hug back for a second before pulling away. "I need to call my parents." I say, grabbing my phone. I feel like I'm betraying Y/n in getting comfort from her sisters after everything that they've done.

My parents are devastated when I tell them what happened. My dad is currently out of state but is getting on the next flight he can. My mom has said she will be over as soon as she can after calling my siblings to let them know what has happened.

The wait is tortuous. Though it is made slightly more bearable when my mom arrives. She's surprised to see the Olsen sisters here, but she's polite and greets them. They're here now, that's what I need to remember. "If she doesn't make it, her last memory will be of us telling her we don't have time for her or see her as part of our family." Ashley speaks after hours of silence. "She's going to be fine, and we can work to make things up to her." Lizzie snaps back, not wanting to even think about the worst case scenario. For me, that's the only thing swirling around in my head at the moment. How can I live in a world without my wife?

"How did we get here? How did we forget she was being deployed? How did we become so self-absorbed that we let our little sister ever believe that we don't love her." The anguish in Mary-Kate's voice was hard to hear. But it shouldn't have taken this to happen for them to come to this realisation.

The three of them lament over all their wrong decisions and the times they blew Y/n off. Ashley even at one point got out her phone and broke down when she saw the one-sided requests to meet up followed by a short, 'I'm busy' or sometimes, no reply at all. "Fix it." I state loudly, which takes them all by surprise. "Yes, you fucked up. Y/n may not forgive you. But having Y/n in your life is the best gift you could get. If you are serious, you'll fix it." I say sternly. "We won't give up Scarlett. We're going to be the sisters that Y/n deserves." Lizzie speaks sincerely as the twins nod.

Another hour passes and mom leaves to go and collect dad from the airport. I feel alone without her here, but I don't get lost in thought for too long when two doctors come out to greet us, with tried but relieved looks on their faces. "How is she?" I rush out as I trip getting out of my chair in such a hurry. "She has come through surgery better than we expected. We have managed to repair the internal damage and stop the bleeding." They inform us with warm smiles.

I feel a small sense of relief, but I need to know one more thing. "What about her back?" I ask, scared to know the answer. Y/n's sisters look at the doctors expectantly, and it feels like hours before he actually responds. "There is some significant bruising to the spinal column. However, with physiotherapy, we do not expect it to be permanent." Now relief really does wash over me. I know there is still a long road to recovery, but she's going to be ok.

After providing us with some further information, they direct us to her room. "She should wake within the next hour or so." They speak quietly before leaving us to face the sight that is waiting for us behind the door. I feel like I'm holding my breath as my hand hovers over the door handle. From somewhere, I gain the confidence to push it down and open the door.

A small sob escapes my mouth when I see Y/n, battered and bruise, lying in the bed attached to all sorts of wires and tubes. I rush to her bedside and take her hand carefully in mine. "Oh, my sweet baby." I whisper as I place a kiss against her forehead. The others carefully enter, not sure if they're welcome, but I nod to show them they have a right to be here. Though if Y/n doesn't want them around when she wakes, I'll happily kick them out.

We sit and watch, waiting for her to wake. I keep her hand firmly in mine as I gently rub my hand through her hair. I know how much she loves it, and it helps me to feel calm myself. "Hmm, that f-feels g-good." My tired eyes shoot open when I hear the familiar raspy voice. "Y/n?! You're awake! Oh, thank God!" I lean down and place a chaste kiss against her lips, which causes her to smile. "I couldn't leave you." She mumbles as she struggles to stay awake. "It's ok my love. Sleep. I'll be here when you wake." I reassure her. She gives me a dopy smile and then instantly falls back into a state of unconsciousness.

The next time she wakes, she's a little more with it. The doctor comes in and checks her over, happy with how she's progressing. There are tears when she realises she can't feel her legs, but I can see the determination in her eyes to overcome it. I promise her that I'll be there every step of the way. She's stuck with me. I won't ever leave her.

Lizzie's POV:

I've never felt pain like it before. The complete fear that I would lose my sister, especially after everything that had happened. I couldn't bear the thought of Y/n dying whilst believing that I didn't love her with every fibre of my being. My sisters are everything to me and I somehow managed to isolate Y/n, just because she wasn't in my world.

I felt like an imposter in this room. Like we didn't deserve to be here. To be honest, we didn't after how we treated her. When she wakes, I can't help the teary smile that makes it way on to my face. I turn to my sisters, and we have a group hug, relieved that she seems to be ok. We don't make our presence known just yet, wanting to make sure she's doing ok. "Mom? Dad?" Y/n asks which takes us all by surprise. I look to my sisters who also look as dumfounded. "They're on their way. Mom has been here she just went to get dad." Scarlett responds and it's then I realise that she's not talking about our parents.

I'm glad she's not. They have treated her like shit. Although we're still in contact with them, our relationship certainly isn't the same for how they treated Y/n. Turns out we're not much better. "Your sisters have been here the whole time as well." Scarlett explains. Y/n struggles to lift her head but when she does, she makes eye contact with me. All I can do is smile. Thankfully, Mary-Kate has the confidence. "We know that you don't want us here, but we want to be. We don't need to talk now. What's important is your recovery, but please know that we are truly sorry. We can't take back what we said, but we will do everything in our power to fix it." She speaks trying to hide the pain in her voice, but it's evident for all to see.

Y/n doesn't really respond. She's still in a sleep state, but she doesn't kick us out, which is a good start. We stay in our seats, an unspoken promise that we're not leaving her.

Whilst we're sat there, I notice that it says Johansson on the patient board behind Y/n. I then remember that they kept calling Scarlett Mrs Johansson. I then look to Scarlett's hand, and I see a wedding band alongside her engagement ring. When did that happen? "Are you married?" I ask, taking myself by surprise. The twins look at me in shock too, then they turn their gaze to Y/n and Scarlett.

A wide smile appears on Y/n's face as she nods gently. "We are." She says as her eyes meet Scarlett's who's are already on her. "W-when?" I stutter, feeling heartbroken that we weren't there. "When I was told I wasn't a true Olsen." Y/n snaps, her eyes not leaving Scarlett, though I can see the pain in them. "I wanted Y/n to know she had a family that truly cared for her. I didn't need a big wedding. All that mattered was that I got to call her my wife." Scarlett answers with more detail.

There's that all too familiar guilt again. We hurt her so much that she didn't think she had a family anymore. How could we do that? "I'm happy for you both." I say, forcing a smile. Although it hurts more than words can show, I really am happy. They are the most perfect couple and knowing they have their happy ending, albeit with a bump or two in the road, makes me happy. "Thanks." Y/n gives me a tight lipped smile.

It's not long until Scarlett's parents arrive. The relief is evident on their faces when they see Y/n is awake. Watching their interactions is like watching the perfect happy family. Scarlett's parents treat Y/n like their own. She has always deserved a family that treat her like she should be. I just wish that it was us.

We all stayed in the room to keep Y/n company, taking it in turns to take a break for food, though Scarlett refused to leave until Y/n threatened to withdraw kisses. I love this soft side of Y/n. She's the most loving person and Scarlett is right. Y/n is the best gift to have in your life.

When the twins and I take a break, we sit in the cafeteria with our phones in front of us. We're all frantically adjusting our work so we can be around to help Y/n with her recovery. The twins have delayed the launch of their line. I know that it will mean the line is ultimately canned, but they do it without hesitation.

I adjust my work schedule so I can stay in New York. I know that filming on Infinity War will be affected as Scarlett won't be around for a little while. But I speak with Kevin Feige to get time off myself. It's time we got our priorities in order to put our family first. It's embarrassing that it's taken us this long and for this to happen for us to do it.

Y/n's POV:

Well, this wasn't how I saw my career ending in the Army. But I'm just grateful that, in time, I'll be back to full health and can start on the next chapter of my life with Scarlett. I certainly didn't want the first months of our married life together in the same country to be like this either, but Scarlett doesn't let me get caught up in that. She is constantly reminding me that she is all in and that she can't think of a better example of her love than being there to help me get better.

If I had it my way, I'd be in the gym already trying to get better, but I can't even think of physio until my internal injuries have healed, which is likely to be a month or two. Thankfully, the doctors have agreed that I can go home after being in the hospital for three weeks.

It's been a strange time. For the first few days, I wasn't really with it. The injuries and anaesthetic really messed with my head, and I didn't know whether I was coming or going. Add the pain on top of that. It was a rough first week. Further to that was the mental stress of having my sisters around. I really didn't know how I felt about that. On the one side, they're here and are saying all the right things. But on the other hand, would they have been had I not gotten hurt.

Thankfully, they didn't push to talk. Not in the beginning anyway. They knew I wasn't in the right mindset. I feel like if they had, I would have probably pushed them away. Scarlett has been great, listening to my endless ramblings on it when it's just the two of us. Ultimately, all that matters to me is that I have her in my life. I've gotten by with my sisters over the last two years. Do I need them in my life? What's to say that they won't start to distance themselves again and we're back to being at square one with a hell of a lot more hurt for me.

It's Lizzie that breaks first. I can tell that she hates the atmosphere that there is when they're here. I only talk to them if they ask a question and even then, it's a short response. Whilst eating lunch, Lizzie had enough and started to ramble an apology. "I know that we don't deserve it Y/n, but you have to know that we are truly sorry. There is no excuse for how we treated you, not only on that day, but also for the last two years. We let our work consume us and it made us become people we never wanted to be." I try to fight off the tears as I see the emotion in her face. The twins agree and add their own apologies and then I hear the words that floor me. Words that I had dreamt of hearing from them. "We are so incredibly proud of you."

That makes the tears fall and Scarlett is quick to engulf me in a hug. "Please just give us a chance to make it up to you and prove that we're going to change. For good." Lizzie pleads. I can't respond, but I give her a short nod. Although they have tried to hide it from me, I know that Mary-Kate and Ashley have stopped the autumn line. That will not only hit them financially, but also reputationally.

Lizzie has pushed back work on a Facebook series she was working on. Well, initially she stepped back from it, but they're so desperate to have her produce and star in it, they were happy to accommodate a change to filming to allow her to help me. Those two acts by the three of them alone are a big statement. They deserve a chance. "But..." I start, which seems to strike fear into them as their eyes go wide. "I'm telling you now. I don't have the energy to fight to be in your lives anymore. If you go back to how it was, that's it. We're done." I tell them honestly. Scarlett gives me a squeeze after I speak, knowing how hard that was for me.

My sisters all stand up and make their way towards the bed. Lizzie takes my good hand, whilst Mary-Kate and Ashley gently rest theirs on my busted left arm. "We promise you Y/n. We're never going to get to where we were. Yes, we'll get busy again, but we will always have time for you. And you may now be a Johansson, but you will always be an Olsen. The best of us." Lizzie expresses.

We're all crying at this point, including Scarlett, and I open my arm to hug each of them. We've got a long road to go before we're anywhere near having the relationship that we once had, but I know that we'll get there. 

[zaraquinn]

i wish you love.

chapter i | from the start.

—————

summary: you and Robert’s relationship is strictly professional—working as his assistant and all, your relationship can’t get any farther than that. But you never expected your boss, Robert Fischer to be there for you at your absolute lowest; and now this relationship is as impossible as it gets.

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tw: mentions of domestic abuse, manipulation and a toxic relationship

word count: 2.2k

female!reader x robert fischer (inception)

requested by: my dumbass

author’s notes and additional notes: because i recently watched oppenheimer when it premiered and since then, cillian murphy has a chokehold on me that proceeded with me watching the batman trilogy and inception just for him (screaming, crying, moaning). Also, seeing and reading everything i can find that has robert fischer on tumblr, they all inspired me to write something for him too! So, for the first time in a while, i’m back to writing/posting something here and making a story that does not include following the plot of a movie (i realize i tend to do that a lot—which halters me to write in general because i have to follow the movie/tv show. Exhibit A is my wattpad lmao). This is also somewhat of a slow burn, so whoever isn’t interested in that, you probably wanna skip this one. Anyway, hope y’all enjoy this

masterlist !

series masterpost: coming soon !

——————

Your metal water bottle reached the floor with a loud thud, while water splashed out of it, making its way into the cracks of the floorboards. You stopped suddenly at the sight before you, and your body froze. Every inch of you went cold and your heart felt like it was torn to shreds right in your chest at the very sight. Tears flooded your vision in an instant and free fell onto your cheeks.

The tight grasp on the front doorknob on one hand was the only thing keeping you afloat. And with one smooth motion, all sounds and voices around you muffled as you turned around and shut the door as quickly as you opened it. Slumping onto your front porch, your gaze found itself stuck onto the floor and your shoes. The rain downpoured onto you mercilessly, but you couldn't care less. Quickly tucking your legs to your chest, the cold rain mixed with your warm tears and you sobbed.

That was until a familiar voice broke through the muffled world around you and you lifted your head from your chest—seeing him.

———

Three subtle knocks broke Robert out of his concentration. The papers were soon turning into a big blob of printed ink and he was secretly glad that he was interrupted before going on much longer. And with those three subtle knocks, he knew who it was to always rescue him from his thoughts.

It was you, his personal assistant, Y/N L/N. you worked for the million-dollar company for a few years now and worked your way up from secretary assistant to now the highest position in your field—as Robert Fischer’s personal assistant. Your skills were very impressive, even for someone as young as your age who can juggle dates, organize events and handle tasks; even when things piled up and got overwhelming. It was show-stopping really, as your skills made your role almost to the highest position. Robert was beyond impressed, and with countless late nights spent in his office working on endless papers and contracts, he was glad to have someone like you by his side.

Since you started working for Robert, he has been pining on you since you started but he knew it would be near-impossible and also very unprofessional. With his father and the company taking over every part of his life, he wished just once that someone up in the clouds could throw him a bone and not have Fischer-Morrow take whatever personal happiness he had left. Of course, that was never an option, so he opted to keep everything strictly professional and hidden. But those late nights of sneaking glances at the way your brows furrowed in concentration while reading, or the way you twirled the pen between your fingers while reading documents, or the way your lashes perfectly framed your beautiful eyes, Robert took what he got. Even if it was just spending time with you while his heart yearned for more.

“Come in.” He said softly, leaning back into his leather chair as you stepped in ever so gracefully. My god, did he think you were beautiful. “Mr. Fischer, I brought these for you.” You said leaning over and handing Robert a folder with important documents. Your voice was music to his ears and you were the only thing that could make him smile on these long days at work. A small smile brushed his lips as he took the folder from you. “Thank you, Y/N.” you returned with a grateful smile as you returned to your calendar in your hands. “Also, please don’t forget your meeting with your uncle in an hour. He wants to discuss the future of the company but has been booked up until the evening. So you only have an hour with him, unfortunately.”

Your eyes were downcast at the mention of his father and Robert’s smile dropped. Every mention of “the future of the company” really meant what happens after his father’s passing. He looked back up at you and gave a sad smile. “Thank you for reminding me, Y/N.” You gave another polite nod before turning around to exit. “Wait.” You turned around at Robert’s voice and looked at him with wide doe eyes. “Yes, Mr. Fischer?” Robert felt a small brush of heat dust his cheeks as he looked over at you. “Will you be there?” He swallowed; his voice now a softer tone than when you came in. “No.” You said and Robert could feel his embarrassment rise. “But I can be.” You offered with a reassuring smile to your boss. His shoulders dropped and he let out a small chuckle and sigh to release any worries he had in that very moment. “Thank you.” “Of course.” And with that, you turned around and exited his office.

There was always an unspoken friendship between the two of you. It was always kept clean and professional, but nowadays after the countdown started for his father, you realized just how much he needed you. Not only were you his personal assistant, but his friend. A real friend and a real connection he had both inside and outside of work. Not everything was about work, and hell, you both knew a fair bit of each other beyond Fischer-Morrow. Staying late with him in his office completing countless documents, agreements and booking meetings slipped through pockets of Robert’s personal life. Mostly during coffee breaks. You learned about him and how he grew up as the countdown continued.

You could tell that he leaned on you for support through these hard times. You knew the way the way his hands fidgeted when he was anxious or nervous during a meeting, or when his jaw clenched when people mentioned his father’s health state. You knew that look and the bob of his adam’s apple when he was in deep thought and could do nothing but swallow his worry. Every small detail about his habits you caught on and it comforted him to know that he has someone like you looking out for him, while in the workforce, he was looking after everything else.

Truth be told, you were glad that Robert was those bosses with humanity and feeling left in them. He treated you like a friend, not a subordinate below him and often showed you kindness and compassion through his professional facade. Although you don’t disclose many details, he also took note of things you liked and didn’t, and even made a promise to always make up your over-time at the company with him. Either by getting a coffee and snack for you the next morning or paying for you during lunch while out with another man for another boring meeting. It was the least he could do.

Along with your friendship with him, you started to yearn for another life—another life with him in it, and you can feel yourself starting to develop feelings for him. But you pushed it away because of how unprofessional it is, and your home life.

Work and seeing Robert was your only escape from paradise from a rather upsetting personal life. As the home you came back to wasn’t a home at all. It was a persistent struggle with a man you know who is starting to no longer love you. You have your suspicions, but it was a turbulent relationship that made you question whether he even loved you or not. Night after night you were met with something empty, or angry, or a switch of a teasing nobody. It was pathetic really. You knew it was a situation that could turn ugly real bad after a few glasses that shattered to the wall behind you, and you were ready in a fleeting moment to run off to a hotel for a few nights while you find another house for yourself.

That’s why you chose to spend your nights late at the company, with someone who doesn’t—no; who would never treat you the same as he did. You chose to spend your late nights escaping from your home with Robert, and you were so thankful.

———

The meeting with Robert and Peter finally came by, and you accompanied Robert as you both headed to the restaurant that Peter had chosen. Robert opened the car door for you and you nodded as you slipped in, Robert following closely behind.

Shutting the car behind him, the drive began. Opening your organizer, the ride had gotten a bit bumpy, considering the endless construction in the city, a few loose papers and notes had fallen on the floor of the car. They scattered to even Robert’s side of the car and he immediately helped you pick up the loose notes. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Fischer.” You swiftly repeated. He was able to collect most of the notes quicker than you did as you shoved your organizer to the empty seat between the two of you. As you were about the reach for the last loose note, Robert’s fingers took it in his own. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay.” He softly said, sitting upright on the seat and handing the note to you. His hands brushed against yours and he quickly noticed the slight purple bruising on your hands and knuckles. His face turned to worry as he reached for your hand with a gentle touch. A flash of a fight with your boyfriend a few nights back reminded you of your bruised knuckles as you quickly took the note from his hands; giving him an apologetic smile and retreating your hands behind your organizer.

“Thank you, Mr. Fischer.” You took the rest of the notes collected on your lap and organized them accordingly. “Is everything alright at home Y/N?” The car was coming to a slow stop and they were slowly pulling into the entrance of the restaurant. You looked down and gathered the notes back where they once were and cleared your throat. Looking up at Robert, you gave a small, but false smile in his direction. “Yeah. Everything is fine.” You looked down at your lap once more, avoiding his concerned gaze. His eyes linger on you a little bit longer, his hand slowly reaching your wrist once more. The valet opened the door on Robert’s side, greeting the both of you and stepping aside for the both of you to get out of the car.

You followed Robert as he walked into the restaurant. But instead of walking behind him like you usually do, he lightly guides you with his hand ghosting your waist beside him. His hands make it back to his sides and he flashes you a small comforting smile as you both are led by the waitress to Peter on the rooftop area of the restaurant.

Peter puts down his glass and papers on the table after he sees his godchild at the doorway and smiles at their arrival. Robert looks at you for a swift moment, for some semblance of comfort and you return one, just as he has done so for you in the car.

The two of you approached Peter as he shook your hand first, before putting a comforting hand on his godchild’s shoulder as he led him down to his seat. Robert takes a glance behind him, checking on your presence as you take a seat behind him. Whether it was for himself or your sake, it was needed for the both of you.

—

The meeting had gone on as expected. The two men talk about the what are the next steps for the company, and although hard for Robert, he continues; seemingly empty or uninterested in it all. You notice this immediately, as the notes you write down quickly are all from Peter than your boss himself. You look up to see the two now get into a deeper conversation, and it's not about the business anymore.

“The clock is ticking Robert. We have to think of the future now.” “I know Uncle Peter, but—” Peter puts a hand on Robert’s shoulders. “I know it’s hard son, believe me, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. But this is what we have to do.” Robert looks up at him once then back down to the documents in front of him on the table. He lets out a defeated sigh and sits back in his chair. “Alright.”

———

The night had rolled around and everyone slowly had retired for the day and you had finished your tasks. Rising from your chair, you packed all your things and turned off your desk lamp, walking towards the elevator of the large building.

The elevator opens and you walk inside, about to press the ground floor when you instinctively stop and glance at the fifth floor, where Robert’s office was. Thinking he probably left, it wouldn’t hurt to check just in case, right? Quickly glancing at your watch, you decided it would only take a few minutes, and let your finger press the delicate button. It lights up, and you ascend.

The doors let you go with a ding and they close. Stepping onto the main waiting area, you walked through the floor; through the waiting and meeting rooms and to a hall—the path led by shiny wooden floors. You make your way to the end of the hallway to the door of Robert’s office. His name is in bold, black letters embossed on a golden plaque.

You take a breath and lean closer to the door, the three soft knocks that announce your presence.

———

hope you guys love the first instalment! if you wish to be added to a taglist (i might be starting) please let me know in the comments! :3

———

! masterlist !

! series masterpost !

[runningthroughthegarden]

Hi how are you ❤️? You write amazingly well <3

I was wondering, if you take requests, if you could write a Jack/Ethan fic inspired by "You're Losing Me" by Taylor Swift. (You can decide the ending, line sad or not)

Thanks you 💕

thank you!! yall love being heartbroken, me too!! requests are open, i love doing them :)

-

you and jack had been dating for a year when he got offered a role in scream vi. you were more than excited for him, even though it meant you would be spending a lot of time apart. you both decided you would do everything in your power to make it work, but lately that was proving to be easier said than done. the last couple of days you could barely get in touch with him. whenever he did reply it was small or dry remarks. you felt lonely in the apartment you once shared. sitting, staring at the walls that were once filled with laughter and love. feeling your phone buzz you are quick to check the notification. 

“hey babe sorry ive had a long day on set” 

“jack we havent talked in days. i don't understand” 

“i know you don't. listen i’ll call you tomorrow” 

crashing on your bed, tears begin to dwell in your eyes.

you say, "I don't understand" and I say, "I know you don't"

we thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won't

remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light

now, I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time

pacing your room with your phone up to your ear you begin to grow anxious. jack broke his empty promise and didn’t call you. so now here you were, trying to piece it back together. as the ringing stops, a smile is cast across your face. 

“jack!! hey, i miss you”

“hey what did you want”

“well you said you were gonna call and i just wanted to check up on you” 

“im a little busy right now” 

“oh okay maybe we can call again later” 

a deep sigh is his only response. 

“is everything okay?” 

“no everythings not okay! i cant get anything done when youre bothering me all day. im working and all you want to do is talk about your day. im sorry but i really don't care right now”

“oh okay. i’ll let you go” 

throwing your phone onto your bed, you break down in sobs. 

do I throw out everything we built or keep it?

i'm getting tired even for a phoenix

always risin' from the ashes

mendin' all her gashes

you might just have dealt the final blow

you spent the evening on your bed, shaking with tears streaming down your eyes. you could only thing about how good things used to be. when you had a boyfriend who absolutely adored you. now it seemed like you had no one at all. your heart was racing a million hours per hour and yet you felt absolutely nothing. 

stop, you're losing me

i can't find a pulse

my heart won't start anymore... for you

'cause you're losing me

after that night, that call, you made it a point to stay out of jacks way. he would facetime you every now and then. while he got his hair done, goofing around on set, or just in his trailer. none of these times did he seem to notice that none of your smiles reached your eyes. your replies were empty and solemn. you were happy to see him so excited but apart of you hated him for not realizing what he had done. for not realizing how deep his words had truly affected you. 

“hey you okay” 

biting your nails behind the screen 

“lately not really” you honestly replied. 

“hang on mason's gotta tell me something. i’ll call you later. love you."

every mornin' I glared at you with storms in my eyes

how can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?

i sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick

my face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

your surprised to hear a knock at your door. you open it to reveal your curly headed boyfriend. he had stopped responding to you completely a few days ago, so saying you were shocked to see him was an understatement. tired of being the only one trying to keep the relationship afloat, you let out your frustration. 

“what are you doing here jack” 

“hey i just wanted to check up on you, i have a few days off” 

he brings you into a hug, but you stay stiff below him. 

“whats wrong?” he asks, picking up on your mood. 

“you ignore me for days and expect me to be excited to see you?” 

“ive been busy you know that” 

“jack we barely talk anymore. and when we do you blow me off in the first 5 minutes. hell you even told me to stop talking to you.” you explain, tears filling your eyes. 

“look im sorry, the movies just been taking up all my time."

“and the movies more important than me right?” you say barely above a whisper.

“no but this is my job, my life” 

“then maybe you should only worry about yourself” finally looking into his eyes.

“what are you trying to say” 

“im saying we’re done jack. i cant keep putting myself through hell only for you not to give a shit” 

“no c'mon we can make this work.”

“yeah thats what you said last time. please jack im going to ruin myself if this keeps happening.” 

you both are a crying mess at this point. 

not saying another word, jack leaves. 

and the air is thick with loss and indecision

i know my pain is such an imposition

now, you're running down the hallway

and you know what they all say

"you don't know what you got until it's gone"

the next morning you find a letter left at your front door. 

my love, 

i'm sorry. for absolutely everything. i love you endlessly. when the stars realign, i’ll be there. but for now, be with someone who can give you everything i couldn't. 

-jack

stop, you're losing me

i can't find a pulse

my heart won't start anymore... for you

'cause you're losing me

stop 'cause you're losing me

crumpling up the paper you begin to cry. 

i gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy

and all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier

fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me

giving up so much of yourself, you were absolutely exhausted. the beautiful relationship you once had is now behind you. 

you're losing me

stop, you're losing me

i can't find a pulse, my heart won't start anymore

giving up the fight, you were at rest. 

[youlikefanficdontyousquidward]

Recom Miles

“Listen to me.  . . take deep breaths, yes follow my breathing just like that. There’s no need to panic, I’m right here now, aren’t I? You’re safe.”

Like you’re having a panic attack from something and he’s trying to calm you down afterward

Yessssssssss!

RecomMilesxRecomReader

Panic Attack.

You held it together. You held it when you'd woken up 4 foot taller; you held it when you fought a banshee with your bare hands, hell you held it together when the boat sank!

You'd struggled through the ship, water rushing past as you dragged yourself up stairs. The boat pitching to the side as you gripped desperately to the railing.

Everyone was gone, you were alone and so close to the deck. The water hit you like a wall, knocking the air from your lungs as you tumbled back into the deck bellow. In a panic you turned, spying the surfaced through an opening in the metal. You kicked off the wall, dragging your self up to the surface.

Your lungs burned and your chest convulsed. You were desperate for air, the reflex to draw in becoming so hard to fight. You did it though, you broke the surface with a gasping breath. Lungs only burning fiercer with each pull and exhale.

Your body felt so heavy in the water. Each limb struggling to shift and paddle to keep you afloat. Still you swam, past the fire and spilled chemicals, till you felt your vision patching with darkness.

The sun was rising again, streams of light dancing on the waters surface. Your head kept dipping, slipping below the water. You were so close, the rocks 10 foot or less away. You could do it, you had to, no one was here to help.

That thought was what did it. The final straw that broke you. Your breaths became rapid, uneasy, wavering things. Barely pulling in enough air to coat your lungs.

You gripped the edge of the rocks, sharp edges cutting into you as you tried to pull up. Your arms quivered and you dropped, hanging loosely at the edge, head only just out of the water. The waves lapped up against your chin, threatening to spill up to cover you. Their pull trying to slip your body back and drag you to the sea bed.

Your breathing wouldn't let up, the screaming pain spreading across your tightening chest. It sung into your skull, compressing your brain in a searing hot squeeze. There was nothing beyond the pain and panic and you felt for all this world like you'd die.

That's were Miles saw you. His own body felt frail and pained as he struggled to stay seated on his banshee. He might've missed you, his thoughts tangled in the failures of the day. He saw you though, struggling against a rock and flew down. If he'd do one thing right today at least, he would save you.

He struggled down, calling out to you as he knelt to pull you up. You couldn't hear his words yet, brain fogged over. Still he used his strength to drag you up, turning to pull you up against him.

"I've got you, y/n." He lay exhausted, propped up by stone behind him with you laying on top. Your breathing didn't settle though, causing him to whip his head up. You were quaking, hyper ventilating. Miles own heart began pounding as he felt yours race beneath his arms.

"Listen to me y/n!" He tugged you up, sitting between his legs now with his arms wrapped around you. He tucked his head in the crook of your neck, taking deep slow breaths in your ear.

“Listen to me. . . take deep breaths, with me okay" He continued his hot breath in your ear, feeling your shaking breath attempt to follow.

"yes follow my breathing just like that. There’s no need to panic, I’m right here now, aren’t I? You’re safe.” He rocked you against him, rubbing soothing circles on your arms. Your body stilled in his arms gradually.

"Miles..." Your voice came out hoarse, feeling somehow weaker than before. You tried to move but your muscles just wouldn't obey.

"Shh, I got you, we're okay." Miles gripped you, pulling you in closer to his chest before standing with you. He cradled you against him as he returned to his banshee. He still had you, nothing was going to change that, he'd make damn sure of that.

[ownedbythescribe]

Wanderer/Scaramouche | De Novo

ıllı Synopsis: Can broken hearts be mended? If a chance shows itself in front of you, will it be all right to take it and hold your hand once again?

ıllı Genre: Angst, Comfort, Modern AU

ıllı Notes: Gender Neutral Reader

ıllı Warnings: Cursing, Drinking, Depression

ıllı A/N: This story had been sitting rent free in my mind for days, and I finally had the courage to write it! I can’t believe it took me so long because I don’t want to feel the paint, but please enjoy! (P.S. I’m spoiling this guy along with Kaveh)

Scaramouche had never felt so empty and numb. Not even when his mother neglected him nor when he lost two of his childhood friends to accidents. No, he was as hollow as a dead twig the moment you two broke up because of his arrogance, insensitivity, and obduracy.

Everything returned to how it was before he became yours. It was mundane, boring, and tiring. When his electrifying gaze bore at the outside world, it was black and white. Too monotone for his liking. It was as if you took away with you the colors that allowed him to see the beauty of his surroundings.

‘…Why am I like this?’ He exhausted, mindlessly writing the professor’s words in his notebook. He felt like a puppet. Somebody subjected to the musings of the world, one they could toy with and throw away afterward. He lost his own will.

The change in Scaramouche’s mood did not go unnoticed by his blockmates. In fact, those who knew his temper strayed away from his path, not bothering to interact with the man. He did not mind. Not one bit, but he missed you. So much that he felt like dying.

When lunch came, Tartaglia and Aether came to his classroom and inquired about their friend. Kindly enough, two of his classmates told him that Scaramouche already left. Presumably somewhere quiet to eat. The two glanced at each other in worry. The moment they noticed the sullen shift in their friend’s mood, they immediately asked what happened. The reply they got was that you two broke up because of him. He said words he did not mean to and would not be able to take them back due to his reasoning. That he deserved it after the pain you endured just to keep your relationship afloat.

“Hey, Aether. How is (Y/N) doing anyway? I failed to get their contact details back then, so I have no way to contact them. I doubt they even open the request section of the messenger.” Tartaglia huffed. The blond recalled his conversation with his sister who was your friend. She did not want to disclose anything. Not when she knew how Scaramouche hurt you.

“Oh, man. Scara is the type to mull over things, and if this goes on, who knows what will happen to that guy.” The ginger muttered. Aether could only nod in agreement.

As for Scaramouche, he was at the gardens where you two would eat together. Despite the differences in your schedules, you two made it work out and have a meal together. It might not be always, but the thought of spending time together to energize you before another draining class was enough act of love for him. Right now, he could not sense that happiness and tranquility. It was only the cold wind that accompanied his figure.

‘…I wonder what you’re doing right now. I miss you.’ He thought to himself, lightly brushing the place you would always sit at.

“If I could turn back time, I would take back all that I said. I would say I love you as many times as you want. I would kiss you as many times as I could. I would cherish you for the longest time possible.” He muttered. His hands quivered. The tears he held back threatened to escape his eyes, but he wiped them away again. He did not deserve to cry.

When class ended, he swiftly grabbed his bag and left for your once-shared home. It was just an empty room now, but the comforting scent you carried with you lingered in the air. It was a combination of jasmine, vanilla, and mint. Whenever he felt a panic attack coming or the stress chowing at him, he would shyly ask to be held in your arms. It was endearing that he let you see his vulnerable side, and a smile would bloom on your face the moment he relaxed.

“It feels so cold without you here.”

The following days repeated themselves. Wake up, eat breakfast, go to university, then go home and sleep. It was a nightmarish Samsara he could not escape. It slowly drove him crazy. The walls felt like they were closing on him, and the noise from his blockmates’ chatters was deafening. At one point, he might have lost his mind by drinking bottles of wine to drown his sorrows away. He did not come to class for two days. The moment he came back, he despised the gossip he accidentally heard from Tartaglia and Aether.

“Diluc asked them out!? You mean that rich redhead from Mondstadt who is the heir to Angel’s Share?” Tartaglia gasped. Aether looked at his phone and reread the message he got from his sister, whom you confined about the matter.

“What did they say? They must have agreed considering he’s the richest bachelor in the area. Not to mention, they will be treated well by the man.” The ginger claimed. Although at the back of his mind, he worried about his friend's reaction should he learn of this. Scaramouche lost all feelings and left before he could hear Aether’s reply. He did not want to hear how happy you must have become. What Scaramouche did not know was that you turned down the man.

“What!? They turned him down? Why?” Tartaglia thought that it was such a waste, but the blond knew why. His eyes softened at the text he got from you.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to move on, Ae. Not when I love Scaramouche so much. He’s the only person I’ll ever love, be it now or in another life. - (Y/N)”

Everything was going to be fine.

When Scaramouche returned to class, he did not bother listening to the professor. All that he could feel was bitter loneliness and frustration. The instructor tried to gain his attention but to no avail. His blockmates whispered amongst each other about what could have set his bad mood, but eventually left him to his own devices. The man was smart enough to pass the subject, and hearsays did not bother him. Nothing but you could bother him.

After another weary day, Scaramouche did not go home early. He swiftly made his way to a convenience store and buy cans of beer. It was time to drown his feelings away and just feel happy. Even if it was imaginary.

Scaramouche went to the park he spent his last moment with you and sat on the bench facing the playground. He vividly remembered the day you two broke up. It was your anniversary, and you wanted to spend time with him stargazing, a hobby you developed to ease your stress. However, it was also that time when he heard from his mother. Her assistant, Yae Miko, contacted him and wished for the man to change university and course. They wanted him to be their puppet and succeed in the family business. He declined, but he was threatened that they would stop funding his schooling. Anger bubbled through his stomach, and your carefree attitude blew him off. He ended up shouting his frustrations at you.

“You will never understand the pain I endured! I really can’t stand the likes of you.” He seethed.

“…So, this is really it? I-I see. Then… thank you, and I’m sorry for everything.” You mumbled, leaving him in the dark to his thoughts. By the time he regained his senses, you were gone. He could not contact you nor did he ever see you. You avoided him at all cost. Eventually, he gave up and wallowed in his self-pity.

Returning to the present, Scaramouche grabbed one can and drank it without stopping. One after another, he emptied the beers and muttered curses about his arrogance and stupidity. He babbled about how he hated his assurance that you would not leave him despite keeping you at arm’s length. He disliked that he could embrace your kindness, and now that you were gone, he longed for it. He despised himself for being a coward, for not telling you that he was afraid to love because he might hurt you as he did to his friends.

“L-Look at where it got you, idiot? Isolated. Alone. Cold. And they’re not coming back. Ha…Hahaha! Stupid! Stupid! You stupid coward.” He cried. One lone tear trickled down his cheek, then another, and another. He was a sobbing mess by the time he was done. The night sky twinkled above him, and it felt like they were mocking his misery.

“I just miss them. Please return them to me.” He begged pitifully.

Suddenly, light footsteps could be heard from behind. His upset gaze met your fatigued ones. Time seemed to have stopped for a moment. His breath hitched as he tried to discern if he was simply dreaming or not. He lightly laughed and muttered that there was no way you would be here.

“I’m finally going crazy, huh? Hahaha. How low of me.” You heard. Carefully, you walked towards him and held his hands. With a wry smile, you wiped his tears with your handkerchief.

“This is the first time I saw you drink and break down like this. Come on. Let’s get you home.” You urged, ready to pull him up. Scaramouche, who was stunned, quickly clutched the sides of your clothes and shook his head.

“I don’t… I don’t want to go home without you, (Y/N). I don’t want to remember that cold room. Please let me stay where you are. I—“ He implored, his throat closing up at the fear of going home without you, of finally letting go. He could not—did not want that.

Realization dawned on you, so in a comforting tone, you crouched down and held his quivering figure. You caressed his lavender tresses carefully until he calmed down. And when he did, you pulled from his embrace and cupped his cheeks. He wanted to cry again and just remain in your arms, but there were important things he needed to say.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, (Y/N). I did not mean anything. I… I love you so much, so please. Please don’t leave me.” He was crying again, and you were about to as well. Your breakup did not bode well for you, and every day felt like torture without him. Suffocating even. You understood that he might be harsh on the side, but he also had his tender moments.

“If… If we return to how we were back then, will things be different? Will you still keep me at arm’s length?” You inquired with a tint of loneliness. Scaramouche stared at you and shook his head no. He realized his mistake and would like to start again.

“I want to… show you all of me. If you will let me.” He mumbled. Happy with his response, you wiped the rest of his tears and embraced him.

“Then let’s go home. I’ll cook your favorite. Plus, you need to take a bath. You reek!” You teased. He huffed indignantly but returned the loving gesture.

“Let’s stay like this for a while, please.” You lightly chuckled at the request but did not let go. It had been so long without him by your side. This was the reassurance you needed to secure that you made the right decision.

“Of course. I missed you too.”

BONUS:

“Hey, I heard some guy named Diluc asked you out on a date. I— You’re not going anymore, right?” Scaramouche mumbled against your neck. He looked like a cat nuzzling his master for food from your point of view, making you lightly chuckle.

“I already turned him down. He was a cool guy and did not make a fuss about it. Don’t worry, I’m all yours, Scara.” You responded, squeezing his hand. He smiled and nearly dozed off from relief.

“I love you, (Y/N).”

“I love you too.”

Please do not copy or repost my stories, but notes and reblogs are always appreciated!

[whiteshipnightjar]

AAAAAAAAnd there was a booming above you, that night black airplanes flew over the sea. And they were lowing and shifting like beached whales, shelled snails, as you strained and you squinted to see the retreat of their hairless and blind cavalry. You froze in your sand shoal, prayed for your poor soul; sky seemed a bread roll, soaking in a milk-bowl. And when the bread broke — fell in bricks of wet smoke — my sleeping heart woke, and my waking heart spoke. Then there was a silence you took to mean something: mean, Run, sing, for alive you will evermore be. And the plague of the greasy black engines a-skulking has gone east, while you’re left to explain them to me — released from their hairless and blind cavalry. With your hands in your pockets, stubbily running to where I’m unfresh, undressed and yawning — Well, what is this craziness? This crazy talking? You caught some small death when you were sleepwalking. It was a dark dream, darlin; it’s over. The firebreather is beneath the clover. Beneath his breathing there is cold clay, forever: a toothless hound-dog choking on a feather. But I took my fishing pole (fearing your fever), down to the swimming hole, where there grows a bitter herb that blooms but one day a year, by the riverside — I’d bring it here: Apply it gently to the love you’ve lent me. While the river was twisting and braiding, the bait bobbed and the string sobbed, as it cut through the hustling breeze. And I watched how the water was kneading so neatly, gone treacly, nearly slowed to a stop in this heat; frenzy coiling flush along the muscles beneath. Press on me, we are restless things. Webs of seaweed are swaddling. You call upon the dusk of the musk of a squid: shot full of ink, until you sink into your crib. Rowing along, among the reeds, among the rushes, I heard your song, before my heart had time to hush it! Smell of a stonefruit being cut and being opened. Smell of a low and of a lazy cinder smoking And when the fire moves away, fire moves away, son. Why would you say I was the last one? Scrape your knee: it is only skin. Makes the sound of violins. When I cut your hair, and leave the birds all the trimmings, I am the happiest woman among all women. And the shallow water stretches as far as I can see. Knee deep, trudging along — the seagull weeps ‘so long’ — I’m humming a threshing song — Until the night is over, hold on, hold on; hold your horses back from the fickle dawn. I have got some business out at the edge of town, candy weighing both of my pockets down till I can hardly stay afloat, from the weight of them (and knowing how the commonfolk condemn what it is I do, to you, to keep you warm: Being a woman. Being a woman.) But always up the mountainside you’re clambering, groping blindly, hungry for anything; picking through your pocket linings — well, what is this? Scrap of sassafras, eh Sisyphus? I see the blossoms broke and wet after the rain. Little sister, he will be back again. I have washed a thousand spiders down the drain. Spiders’ ghosts hang, soaked and dangling silently, from all the blooming cherry trees, in tiny nooses, safe from everyone — nothing but a nuisance; gone now, dead and done — Be a woman. Be a woman. Though we felt the spray of the waves, we decided to stay, 'till the tide rose too far. We weren’t afraid, cause we know what you are; and you know that we know what you are. Awful atoll — O, incalculable indiscreetness and sorrow! Bawl bellow: Sibyl sea-cow, all done up in a bow. Toddle and roll; teethe an impalpable bit of leather, while yarrow, heather and hollyhock awkwardly molt along the shore. Are you mine? My heart? Mine anymore? Stay with me for awhile. That’s an awfully real gun. I know life will lay you down, as the lightning has lately done. Failing this, failing this, follow me, my sweetest friend, to see what you anointed, in pointing your gun there. Lay it down! Nice and slow! There is nowhere to go, save up; up where the light, undiluted, is weaving, in a drunk dream, at the sight of my baby, out back: back on the patio, watching the bats bring night in — while, elsewhere, estuaries of wax-white wend, endlessly, towards seashores unmapped. * Last week, our picture window produced a half-word, heavy and hollow, hit by a brown bird. We stood and watched her gape like a rattlesnake and pant and labor over every intake. I said a sort of prayer for some rare grace, then thought I ought to take her to a higher place. Said, “dog nor vulture nor cat shall toy with you, and though you die, bird, you will have a fine view.” Then in my hot hand, she slumped her sick weight. We tramped through the poison oak, heartbroke and inchoate. The dogs were snapping, so you cuffed their collars while I climbed the tree-house. Then how I hollered! Cause she’d lain, as still as a stone, in my palm, for a lifetime or two; then saw the treetops, cocked her head, and up and flew. (While back in the world that moves, often, according to the hoarding of these clues, dogs still run roughly around little tufts of finch-down.) The cities we passed were a flickering wasteland, but his hand, in my hand, made them hale and harmless. While down in the lowlands, the crops are all coming; we have everything. Life is thundering blissful towards death in a stampede of his fumbling green gentleness. You stopped by; I was all alive. In my doorway, we shucked and jived. And when you wept, I was gone; see, I got gone when I got wise. But I can’t with certainty say we survived. Then down and down and down and down and down and deeper, stoke, without sound, the blameless flames, you endless sleeper. Through fire below, and fire above, and fire within, sleep through the things that couldn’t have been, if you hadn’t have been. And when the fire moves away, fire moves away, son. Why would you say I was the last one? All my bones, they are gone, gone, gone. Take my bones, I don’t need none. Cold, cold cupboard, lord, nothing to chew on! Suck all day on a cherry stone. Dig a little hole not three inches round — Spit your pit in a hole in the ground. Weep upon the spot for the starving of me! Till up grows a fine young cherry tree. When the bough breaks, what’ll you make for me? A little willow cabin to rest on your knee. What’ll I do with a trinket such as this? Think of your woman, who’s gone to the west. But I’m starving and freezing in my measly old bed! Then I’ll crawl across the salt flats, to stroke your sweet head. Come across the desert with no shoes on! I love you truly, or I love no-one. Fire moves away. Fire moves away, son. Why would you say I was the last one? Clear the room! There’s a fire, a fire, a fire. Get going, and I’m going to be right behind you. And if the love of a woman or two, dear, could move you to such heights, then all I can do is do, my darling, right by you.

[areislol]

hiii! This is my first time requesting and I really like your writings (⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)⁠♥. Is it okay if if request neteyam, lo'ak, and ao'nung with a fem human reader that suddenly goes unconscious underwater ༼⁠;⁠´⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠۝ ⁠༎ຶ⁠༽.

neteyam, lo'ak, ao'nung x fem. human! reader

ft— neteyam, lo'ak, ao'nung warnings— mentions of them almost getting a heart attack, you scaring them to death, light scolding, friends but crushing, a pinch of angst, fluff, use of defibrillation. a/n— wait a minute... FIRST TIME REQUESTING?? ... AND YOU LIKE MY WRITINGS?? oh anon i might as well have a heart attack right now. please enjoy this love! it also took me quite some time to figure out how reader was going to faint.. synopsis— swimming with your crush is supposed to be enjoyable, but can it really be when you're knocked out cold and when you scare them to death?

it was just like every other day, swimming with your friends and the man you loved, you didn't need to swim with them really, but you wanted to.

you and the others were just going for a swim, racing, riding on your ilu (with you riding on neteyam’s one), everything was going fine, that was until you fainted. in the ocean.

everybody was talking to each other, staying afloat in the water while you were struggling to keep your head up.

they helped you keep afloat though, his hands on your waist to prop you up which worked well. after a while everybody decided to go underwater again.

they never left your side when underwater, they watched as you admired the schools of fish that swam past you, you and them spend the next few minutes swimming together, chasing the fishes.

when suddenly rotxo rushed towards you and them on his ilu, his ilu swam right past you, swirling you around harshly.

your head started to pang, an aching feeling slowly made its way to your head. your eyes flutter open and closed, your eyes feeling bleary.

while you were slipping into unconscious, he was swimming up just to yell at rotxo for almost injuring the both of you before tsking and diving back down to see if you were okay, only to see you floating down deeper into the dark pits of the ocean.

neteyam x fem. human! reader

Neteyam always had an eye on you, you never left his sight. At any time, in the waters or not he always looked out for you since you were significantly smaller than him and the others. But the one time he looks away, the one time he isn’t focusing on you—something happens. His heart skips multiple beats once his eyes lay on you, seeing you falling deeper and deeper into the ocean, an intense feeling of dread swarmed him. Neteyam immediately swims to you, rapidly. His mind was filled with many questions, why were you unconscious? how did it even happen? if you were dead or alive. Once he’s by your side, he pulls you towards his chest, his arms around your waist as he quickly swims up to the surface. Gasping for air he’s quick to lift you up as well to give you some air to breath but, oh. That’s right.. you’re wearing a mask. Neteyam turns you around to see if the mask broke, luckily it wasn’t. A relief sigh escapes his mouth, his hands never leave you as he swims to a nearby rock and lays you on it, neteyam recalls what his father had told him to do if someone was ever unconscious in the water. Cpr, it was. But the thing was, you had a mask on, and you needed it, but one of the steps was to perform mouth to mouth, neteyam couldn’t just take your mask off. Still, neteyam tried to do cpr on you but without mouth to mouth. He pushes hard and fast on the center of your chest while looking at your face, trying to see there was any movement in your face. Trying to see if your eyes flutter open, waiting for you to gasp for air. His face falls when he doesn’t see any reaction, his heart racing, when he hears someone calling out his name. “Neteyam! Neteyam?” kiri yelled while scanning area with the hopes of finding neteyam along with lo’ak, and she does, but not how she expects it to be like. Kiri notices neteyam looking at her, he looked absolutely distraught, his face almost pale, she’s confused for a second but upon seeing him pushing something hurriedly she rushes to his side. Once she reaches where neteyam, she looks at the person beside him, was her eyes widen, it was you. Kiri’s gaze flickers to neteyam who was looking down at you, many pleads coming out of his mouth. Kiri immediately yells to lo’ak to go get jake, lo’ak is confused and hesitant about but does so anyway. Kiri hops onto the rock and watches as neteyam continued to press on your chest, she notices how neteyam’s eyes started to water, she wanted to help but there was nothing she could do, not without taking your mask off which you needed. After what felt like hours to neteyam, jake finally arrived, swimming to where you laid, he gives neteyam a look of concern, “y/n- i.. i don’t know what happened! i was up for a second and then went back down and she was like that-” he croaked, his voice filled with worry as his gaze never leaves you. Jake continues to stare at neteyam before gesturing to kiri and neteyam to go back, neteyam reluctantly went. While jake took you to a site where norm and max would be at to get you some help, neteyam was worried sick. Pacing back and fourth at his marui, waiting for jake or someone to come to him and say that you were fine, but nobody came. ”What- what if y/n’s not okay? while she’s suffering, im just standing there doing absolutely nothing! like a skxawng! i need to be with her- to help her!” neteyam expressed, his pacing becomes faster and faster by each minute. Kiri sighs hopelessly, but she understood how he felt. “Stop worrying neteyam, im sure she’s fine.” with her answer neteyam stops pacing and looks at kiri, his brows furrowed as he thought about what she had just said, that’s right, if he kept on worrying that you were going to die, it may come true. Neteyam worries about you, but not much is shown on the outside, but internally he’s screaming. Inside of the site, jake rapidly pounds on the door while yelling at norm or max to open up, norm and max turn around while on their chair, they both look at each other before norm runs to the door and opens it, the first thing he sees is jake of course, but then he sees a smaller person in his arms, you. “What’s wrong-” norm asks before getting cut off, “I don’t know, maybe she fainted underwater but you have to help her. Now.” jake states, norm nods as jake places you in his arms. Once norm closes the door he places you on a bed and tells max to go fetch a stethoscope which max does, he quickly runs to the other room and comes back out with one, norm takes it from his hand and places it on your chest, listening for any heart beats or sound and fortunately, he hears your heartbeat. Taking off the stethoscope he gestures to max to come over to him, ”Quick! cpr!” norm exclaims, moving over so max could perform cpr on you. Norm had little experience with cpr while max had more experience than him. Your laid there, your mask was taken off, unconscious, your breathing was low, your chest barely even heaving up and down. Max quickly placed his hands over your chest and pressed down, he then did mouth to mouth while pinching your nose. After many chest compressions and mouth to mouth, you were coughing, your face scrunching up as you gasped, trying to take big breaths, “y/n!” max yelled out happily before giving you a hug, you were still a bit dazed after being resuscitated but you could make out that it was both norm and max with you. Max pulled back from the hug and shook your shoulders, trying to make you a bit more.. lucid. A few minutes pass by, you were finally conscious of everything around you, max gave you some water and snacks while norm was out to get jake. “How’d you even get unconscious in the first place?” max questioned with his mouth full from chocolate, you swallowed your chocolate before answering, “hm.. well last thing i can remember rotxo came at me on his Ilu and neteyam, i was swirling around and boom.” you answer while licking your lips. Suddenly the door flies open, you jump from the sound of the door hitting the wall harshly, but ease once you see neteyam in the door, his head peeking in, you could see norm panting while placing his hands on his knees as he bent down. “Y/n! you’re okay!” neteyam cried with a smile on his face, you give him a tender smile in return, getting up you place your food down and run towards neteyam and wave goodbye to max who returns your gesture. You close the door behind you and as soon as you do, neteyam kneels down. You embrace neteyam, well, more like neteyam embraced you (first). The hug felt needy, as if it was the last time he could ever feel you. Neteyam hugged you tightly with no intention of letting you go which you didn’t mind. “Ah, all this lovey dovey shit is so.. eugh.” norm sighed, opening the door and stepping in before disappearing. Both you and neteyam look at norm before glancing at each other, a blush creeping onto your faces as you smile like a fool. Before you could speak neteyam nestled into the crook your neck, “what happened to you? how did you wake up?” neteyam mumbled, his head nestled in your shoulder comfortably. Both of your hearts began to race as a result of his movements. Because they were so loud, you were certain that neteyam could hear you beat as well. But nonetheless, you two melt into your touches. Your hands find its way to neteyam’s hair, running your fingers through his braids, thinking about your answer, “well i think it was rotxo and his ilu.. it swam right past me and i guess i got knocked out by the pressure or something..” you hum, your eyes flickered to his now swaying tail. Neteyam stayed silent as his thoughts and anger took over him, rotxo? he was the cause of you fainting and scaring the literal death out of him? yep. it was decided at that very moment that he was going to beat him up, once it was the right time. You tap on his shoulder lightly to get his attention, which it did, but he didn’t pull away, why? because he wanted to stay like this forever. Tapping his shoulder again but a bit more harder neteyam to pulled away, pouting. ”You aren’t thinking of beating rotxo up, right?” you laugh lightheartedly, neteyam’s face flushed, he loved it when you knew things straight away even if he didn’t say so or did anything. Your hands rested on his shoulders, wanting to stay like that for a while but nothing good could ever last. Or so you thought. Neteyam, yet again, rests his head on your shoulder, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist. You’re stunned at first from the sudden movement but melt into his touch once you feel the warmth radiating though out your body. You two stay in that position for what felt like hours but were truly only a few minutes, it was silent, only the birds chirping and the sounds of animals trudging through the forest was all that could be heard, everything was quiet until you perked up, scaring neteyam as he jolts from the sudden movement. Neteyam stares at you, baffled. Smiling sheepishly you apologize before speaking again, “you said you wanted to know how i woke up right?” neteyam slowly nods, unsure of why you were bringing this up. “Well max had to perform cpr on me, you know, all the pressure on the chest and mouth to mouth.” you explain. Finishing your sentence you notice that neteyam looked at you weirdly, his eyes bugged like he had seen a ghost or something terrifying. You cock your head to the side, confused. “Mouth to... mouth?” neteyam slowly asks while his tails swaying vigourously, “oh yeah! like a person having to pinch the persons nose while blowing into their mouth-” you cut yourself off, realizing why neteyam looked almost completely pale, how he sounded so horrified when he spoke. Lets just say neteyam was absolutely devastated and crushed that some other boy that wasn’t him stole took your first kiss. “It wasn’t even a kiss-”, “yes it was.”, “he did it so i could survive!!” “...”, “... are you jealous?”

lo’ak x fem. human! reader

His eyes widen in shock and in fear. His heart drops upon seeing what looked like your lifeless body sinking further and further down into the sea. Lo’ak’s heart pounds harshly against his chest as he swims to your body, his arms are around your waist as he swims towards the surface. Lo’ak gasps for air, he uses his other arm to splash around, trying to stay afloat without letting you go was tiring him but he had to keep afloat, for you. “Payakan! payakan!!” lo’ak yelled, his arms growing ever more tired. After a few seconds he hears the familiar sounds of his friend—payakan. Smiling, he inched closer to payakan’s fin and hoisted you on his(or her) fin before hopping on. Payakan stared at you before staring at lo’ak, as if trying to ask why you were here, if you were going to hurt him. Lo’ak shook his head, “no, y/n is not like that. She is a good sky person.”, he spoke before signing to payakan that you were a good person. He rolled you on your back and observed your face. Your eyes were closed shut, your mouth agape. Payakan noticed how his friend looked worried, sprinkles of air hit lo’ak’s skin and face which prompted him to stare at payakan, “we need to take y/n somewhere, now! please.” lo’ak signed, payakan closed his eyes and opened them, lo’ak signed a “thank you” hurriedly before looking back at you, holding onto your body as payakan swam to the village. Arriving at the village, he said goodbye to payakan and thanked him once more before lifting you up and carrying you in his arms. His gaze flickered to your face to your chest, it was barely heaving up and down, lo’ak only looked away from your face to see where he was going. Once lo’ak reached his families marui he immediately called for his dad, yelling and running inside to find his dad, jake’s ear twitched as he picked up the sound of footsteps, panting and of course, lo’ak yelling. Getting up, he sees lo’ak running towards him with you in his arms, knocked out. ”Lo’ak! what happened?” jake questioned as his son let him have a look at you. Lo’ak shook his head, “i don’t know! i looked away for a second and she- she was like that!” he stuttered, jake tsked before walking out of the marui. Neytiri moved closer to you as she held your head, her eyes scanning your face to see any signs of you alive, she saw nothing at first, but after seeing your your chest lift up a big her mind and heart eased. “Sir! where are you going?” lo’ak asked, “asking tonowari if i can bring norm and max here to help y/n,” jake sighed, “just keep an eye on y/n, ‘kay?”, lo’ak nodded. As if he wasn’t already. That was the last thing jake had said before completely disappearing out of lo’ak’s sight. He was left there with neytiri, his mind was filled with you, both he and neytiri prayed to eywa to bring you back, they prayed that you would somehow magically wake up. Never in his life has he ever prayed so hard and much for the safety of someone. In the meantime, neytiri herself tried to help, laying you on the floor as she rested your head on a pillow(or anything in the marui), lo’ak watched you, his larger hands intertwined with yours, squeezing it whenever he saw your chest moving slightly. Neytiri noticed this and smiled softly, even though it wasn’t the right time—she knew that lo’ak, her son, loved somebody, and it was cute how he was so worried about you, she would have to tell you about this once you woke up. When jake, norm and max finally arrived lo’ak was so thankful. He moved aside so norm could scan your brain and do whatever he did but he still held onto your hand, for.. i guess you could say emotional support. Lo’ak watched as norm scanned your face with a slim device, he touched the screen which revealed your brain, “well she’s breathing, but not much. Max, bring her our place now” was all norm said before carrying you and getting up to go to their site. “Wait! can i come as well? please? i won’t do anything, i just want to be there with y/n..” lo’ak pleaded, norm looked back at jake to see what his answer was, jake shot lo’ak a look but seeing how worried he looked he gave him a small nod and with that lo’ak walked beside norm, his eyes still on you. Both norm and lo’ak ran while max was behind them, he ran as fast as he could but still failed to keep up,  once everybody was at the door of their site, norm grabbed one of his masks and handed one to lo’ak, once they put them on norm opened the door and walked inside, lo’ak and max following behind him. Norm laid your body on a couch and went to another room to get what he needed, max took of his mask and started to ask lo’ak questions, “so, what happened?” he asked, kneeling beside him, “i don’t know.. rotxo and his IIu swam past us, mostly her and then i swam up, cursed, and swam back down and she was sinking!” After a few more questions and answering max concluded that you were most likely knocked out, and that you “probably” weren’t dead or was going to die, that is if norm could hurry the fuck up. “Norm! hurry up!” max yelled, lo’ak wanted to scream at him to hurry up as well but didn’t. “Ugh, im coming! geez..” norm yelled back as he walked into the room and knelt down beside you and started to ask max what lo’ak had said. “Mhm, yeah, she probably is knocked out cold, her breathing stops every now and then..” norm said nonchalantly, lo’ak looked his way, “so what do we have to do?” “Cpr.” norm answered, laying his head on your chest to hear your heartbeats before taking your mask off, lo’ak gave him a weird and confused look, max noticed this and explained to him that it was. While he was explaining norm cut him off, “max, go do it”. “What- why me? why not you?” max exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air, “because your hands are like hers, like, human hands, and mine are bigger so it’ll hurt her.” Max stopped talking and a “ooooh” was heard. Lo’ak rolled his eyes and pushed him forward, causing max to give him a glare. Max finally started to do cpr, pressing onto your chest while counting how many times he was doing it, lo’ak searched your face for any signs of movement, and finally, he did. Your brows twitched which made lo’ak yell at max to keep on going. Max then did something that lo’ak would never forget, mouth to mouth. As soon as he saw max lean down and press his lips against yours he held his breath. Lo'ak opens his mouth and his eyes expand. He experienced a wide range of feelings, but the most strongly, rage. Seeing max perform mouth to mouth to you made his heart ache, even if he knew it was to save your life, he wanted to be your first kiss, your first everything. Lo’ak fumed, but before he could make a scene he turned around, not wanting to see anymore of this. A gasp. That was all lo’ak heard before he whipped his head around and saw you awake, your eyes were wide open, panting. Lo’ak immediately pushed max aside which resulted in him falling down and cursing at him but he didn’t care, not right now at least anyways. “Y/n! you’re awake, you’re okay!” he said with his voice trembling, he felt like bawling his eyes out when he saw you awake, but he didn’t, he held in his tears. You were still panting when lo’ak placed his hands on your shoulder and made you look at him, you looked dazed. Lo’ak examined your, seeing if there was anything he could do before max placed a bottle in front of him, gesturing him to grab it. Lo’ak grabbed the bottle, twisting the lid before tilting your head and placing the bottle on your lip and tilted the bottle, you started to gulp down the water, eager to drink something. Once you scrunched your face up, meaning you were done with the water he immediately threw it away and pulled you into a hug, whispering many ‘thank you eywa’s’ and ‘thank the great mother’s’. He stayed in that position until you were finally conscious of your surrounding. “L-lo’ak?” your voice was small and drained, hoarse even. Lo’ak pulled back and stared at your face, he gave you a careless smile, “yes y/n, it’s lo’ak.” You had told norm that you had a headache to which he told you to stay put and to not go out. Lo’ak stayed with you while norm and max told you where the snacks were and if you needed to go toilet it was right beside where the tools were. After that they went out to go tell jake that you were awake. Lo’ak sat beside you, your head leaning on his arm as you sighed. “Headache still there?” lo’ak asked with a small smile on his face, you nod. After sitting in silence lo’ak spoke up, “i can beat rotxo if you want me to you kno-” he stated before getting cut off by you, “lo’ak!” you giggle, causing him to smile even bigger. You two then stay like that for a few minutes when you start to feel sleepy, and with lo’ak’s warm body right beside you, your head drops to his chest and drowse off, it startles him, of course, and makes him extremely flustered but nonetheless his hands make its way to your face and lifts your head up and places it on his arm instead, so you were more comfortable, he does so with a warm and tender smile on his face. This was a terrible and traumatic experience for him and he’s even more protective of you. Lo’ak is glued to your side 24/7 and is ready to beat up anybody who gives you weird looks or shit talks you. Like c’mere (`⌒*)O-(`⌒´Q) you wanna talk shit about my crush? ‘kay, might as well meet my fist right now!! every thing you say about her or every time you even say her name, you get a punch. 👊 

ao’nung x fem. human! reader

He’s freaking out internally and externally. His gaze falls upon your sinking body, without thinking or registering anything he’s already swimming towards you. Once he reaches your body he quickly swims back to the surface, as he gasps for air he finds himself turning you around to look at you. Your eyes were tightly clenched as you slouched over. Denial. He believes that you were playing a joke on him; it was impossible. You were only briefly out of his sight when he was with you, and this is how he finds you! you must’ve be toying with him, but you weren’t. Even though he believed you were playing a joke on him, he spent no time and immediately swam away, trailed by his comrades. His friends questioned ao’nung as to why they were leaving early but quieted when he didn’t answer them. Arriving at the village, ao’nung hurriedly runs to his marui, leaving his friends behind which was odd for them, they exchanged glances before following ao’nung. Rushing to his father who now stood up from seeing his son carrying you, “what happened, ao’nung?” tonowari asked, eyeing his son who was staring down at you. Ao’nung could not speak, he held his breath while looking at your relaxed face. “I do not know, father i.. please go get jake!” he stammered, this time looking up to father, seeing his son’s pleading eyes he complied, calling his men to go get jake. He laid your body on the ground, scanning your face in the hopes of seeing your face twitch or anything, any signs that you were going to wake up but nothing. “When is he going to come?” ao’nung muttered, waiting for his father to say something but he didn’t, only looking down at his son. When jake arrived he felt relieved, he didn’t know why but he did. He would have never asked for jake, he disliked the sully family, but he was too preoccupied with you, he didn’t care anymore as long as you woke up. Jake stared down at your body before walking in, kneeling down he moved ao’nung aside, “what happened?”, no response. “what happened.” but this time it was more stern, glaring at ao’nung who now looked at jake. “I do not know.” Tsking he hoisted you into his arms and started to make his way outside. Ao’nung was quick to grab a hold of his arm, jake turned around, raising his eyebrow his spoke “what is it now?”, again, he could not get any words out. When ao’nung did not answer his question he removed his hand from his arm and shot him a look before running off somewhere, pressing his fingers on his collar to call norm. You laid down on a bed in a site with norm and max by your side, “what do you think happened?” max questioned while taking off your mask, “dunno, scan her” norm answered, handing him a slim device to max. Taking it from his hand he starts to scan you. “Everything’s normal, except for her heartbeat. It’s barely noticeable and it’s too slow” max mumbled, placing the device down. Norm thought for a second before coming up with an idea. Max watched as norm ran to the other room before coming out with a defibrillator. Max pursed his lips while nodding, approving his idea. Norm knelt down beside you and lift your shirt up, placing one of the pads near your shoulder while the other below your chest. Norm gave max a nod which meant that he could start to perform chest compressions. Norm waited for the device to tell him when to shock you if your breathing slowed down (if it was needed) while max continued to do chest compressions. After a bit the device spoke to which max retracted his hands and let norm press the button which shocked you. After a few shocks both norm and max lost hope, you weren’t going to wake up. But after seeing your chest heaving up and down lightly they exchanged glances before going back to what they were doing. When the last shock rang through out your body you jerked up, your eyes shot open, you were panting heavily. The sudden movement scared both norm and max but the sudden relief washed over them, you were alive. Your eyes scanned the room, your sight was a bit blurry but you could make out two people, one that was like while the other was a na’vi.. or avatar you assumed as he wore human clothes. They were in the same room as you, Max soothed your shoulder to calm you down while norm went to get some water for you. “Y/n, you’re okay, ‘kay? can you hear me?” max questioned, shaking you lightly which prompted you to face him, you give him a slow nod, max smiled but before he could speak norm came into the room with a bottle in his hands. Twisting the cap off he pressed the bottle to your mouth, max titled your head as you started to gulp down the water. Norm pulled back when you scrunched up your face. Your breathing slowly but surely became less erratic, before you knew it you were breathing normally and fine. Norm went out to get jake while max stayed with you, he gave you some snacks and some more water, while you ate he sat at his desk and started to work, waiting for norm to come back. Silence descended upon the room with only the sounds of max typing on his computer and the shuffle of papers. After a while norm came in the room, you looked towards the door and to your surprise jake was not there, rather, ao’nung. Your eyes widen as soon as your eyes lay on his figure, upon seeing you, ao’nung let out a relief sigh before entering the room but was stopped by norm. Looking towards norm with a scowl he removed his hand but not without telling him he needed a mask, to breathe the air in the site. Ao’nung looked at the mask in his hand before looking back at norm, grabbing it he made his way towards you, he sat down beside you and stared at you while you ate your snacks. “...”, he did not speak, there was only silence which concerned you, so you decided to speak up. “Soooo...” you start, his brows furrow. “Uhm, im alive?”, way to go y/n. Ao’nung continues to stare at you before speaking “yes, you are. What happened? how did you.. end up like that?” he asked, his hands found its way to your shoulder. You put on your thinking face, pondering about how you did end up like this. “Oh! it was your friend rotxo and his Ilu, swam right past me and boom.” you explain while chewing on your food, he could not believe how you could just say that without any emotion. Furrowing his brows, his eyes bore into yours, almost like a glare but at the same time not. “Don’t get mad at him, i’m sure he didn’t it..” you sigh, tossing another chocolate in your mouth. Ao’nung stopped thinking, how did you guess what he was thinking? Ao’nung grumbled at your words, staring down at the floor. “I will still do it.” he states bluntly which causes you to stop eating. You look at him, whose gaze is now on the floor. “Why?” was all you could ask, his head still downcast when you asked the question, when he didn’t answer many possibilities swarmed your mind, that was when you smiled. “Aw, so you do care for me?” you smile, ao’nung whips his head to face you and sees you smiling ear to ear, his gaze made your cheeks warm. He, too, blushed, yet he stared at you as if you had said something concerning, “no.” “oh..” you spoke while dropping your head, your voice was small and low, ao’nung stared at you before sighing, “i’m only going to hit him, once, not because i care for you” Looking up at ao’nung you roll your eyes playfully as you continue to down your food, “eat slowly, or you will choke which i do not care for.”, “then why tell me to slow down on my eating?”

note: if you would like to be added to the avatar taglist pls just ask me!! dont be shy <3

taglist: @tomansimp, @howlandhaku, @luciphyls, @vizkiz869, @aonungobsession​​

liking + following + reblogs are very much appreciated!!

another note: im not so proud of ao’nung’s part i feel i could do so much better but i dont know so....................... yeaヽ(o^ ^o)ﾉ

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!

[daisyishedwig]

I was tagged by @bitbybitwrites, so here are some of my current WIPs to ask me about if you like.

Partially Published WIPs

(Sebklaine) A Place to Call Home - In a matter of days Blaine's whole world falls apart and everything he does to try and stay afloat only seems to make matters worse. A call to Sebastian Smythe is his last resort, and maybe the one that actually starts to make things better.

(Seblaine) when you hold me, it holds me together - When Sebastian's father finds out about the Skank persona he puts on when not at home, he takes it as a personal insult against the Smythe name. Blaine is forced to take Sebastian to the last place he wants to be, to get him help in the aftermath - the Hudmel house. Sebastian finally gets to meet Kurt and starts to get answers about Blaine, and the past he's running away from.

(Seblaine) like it hasn't been forever - When Blaine starts hanging out at Sebastian's favorite coffee shop, Sebastian worries about a confrontation brewing between the two of them. He doesn't expect a very lonely Blaine to be the one to rekindle their friendship or the consequences that will come when the connection between them shows it never faded, and Kurt is hundreds of miles from Ohio.

(Klaine) I will give the world to you - Last New Year's Eve, Kurt Hummel was living in Brooklyn with his husband and teenage son. This year, he's in Ohio, widowed, and struggling to keep afloat with the weight of being a single parent. But when Sam invites him to a New Year's party at Blaine Anderson's house, he might just see a haven in the storm.

(Seblaine) still look like mine - Blaine and Sebastian broke up nearly two years ago. But for whatever reason they can’t seem to stay apart for long, continuously falling back into each other's beds, no matter how risky they know it to be for their hearts.

(Seblaine) Most Things In Between - When Blaine Anderson is given the option between spending his senior year in a juvenile detention center or at Dalton Academy for Troubled Boys, he chooses the latter but expects to end up in juvie within a month. He certainly doesn’t expect to find something at Daton that makes him want to stay.

Unpublished WIPs

(Hevans) will you still like me in a hundred years (working title) - Season 2 AU where Sam is actually queer and realizes it because of how much he likes being around Kurt. Kurt and Blaine meet, Kurt doesn't transfer to Dalton, but Blaine still ends up falling for him and pining.

(Klaine) throw my heart overboard - A sequel to will you still like me in a hundred years , set during the summer between seasons 2 and 3. Kurt and Sam break up due to the long distance and the uncertainty as to whether he'll ever move back to Lima. Kurt and Blaine end up in a messy Summer fling, Kurt not ready for a new relationship and Blaine just desperate to be with Kurt in any way that he can.

(Seblaine, Hevans) i would take the mess you leave - A sequel to will you still like me in a hundred years and throw my heart overboard, set during season 3. Kurt and Blaine breakup when Blaine starts talking about transferring to McKinley to be with him and Kurt realizes Blaine's heart is far more invested in this relationship than he is. While Blaine is still licking his wounds and in need of a distraction, Sebastian Smythe transfers to Dalton, and doesn't need any persuasion to fill that need. Feelings deepen quickly between the two, but neither is prepared to deal with what it means for their casual relationship. When Sam transfers back, he expects Kurt to immediately take him back, but Kurt is still wary of what will happen when he moves to New York after graduation and Sam is still in Ohio.

(Seblaine) - i can change my name OR Mr. Smythe (working titles) - A Mrs. Winterbourne AU. Blaine Anderson boards a train to Boston not entirely sure what he’s going to do once he gets there. All he knows is that he has less than a thousand dollars in his bank account, his two month old nephew in a carrier, and the sound of his father’s voice telling him not to come home. On the train he meets Barry and Devon Smythe, a newlywed couple returning to the states with their recently adopted child to meet Barry’s family for the first time. But when the train crashes and Blaine awakes in the hospital to find out that he and his nephew have been mistaken for Devon Smythe and his child, he gets sucked into a whirlwind of lies trying to do what’s best by the child he doesn’t have the money to raise and Barry’s grieving family. But Barry’s twin brother Sebastian doesn’t trust that Blaine is really who he says he is, he just doesn’t know how to prove it.

Oh boy I'm not sure who to tag. Let's say @kurtsascot, @annepi-blog, @lusthurts, @imogenlefay, @wowbright, @missmannu, @backslashdelta, @cryscendo and anyone else who wants to participate

[loveabledirtbag]

2.01 - beef

HERE WE GO SEASON TWO WOW OKAY!

right off the bat: that opening. such a tonal shift from season one. it’s dark, shadowy, calm, quiet. it’s the exact opposite of the opening of season one. truly telling us, the audience, that this is a different show now. PLUS it starts with marcus, not carmy. or even syd. it’s perfect. we’re being told “this is an ensemble and you’re gonna learn a lot about all the characters this season”.

plus the fact that marcus is so sweet to his mom. ugh, it breaks my heart. i just want all good things for marcus.

scraping the ice on his windshield physically hurts me to watch. i’m parking in the first garage of my adult life, and don’t have to deal with street parking and frost scraping anymore and it’s WILD.

the quiet intro of the bruce hornsby is so beautifully done. “the show must go on”. but it’s also the kind of dad rock that dominates so much of this season.

watching the beef sign get taken down is wild. truly wild. like, you kinda knew it was gonna happen, but then YOU SEE IT happen. you can see it on carmy’s face: the trauma, the guilt, the weight, the significance. and it’s being taken down so he can have a chance to make something new.

and there’s just something about the first lines in the beef/bear as everyone talks budget. carmy is different. the crew is different. there’s a familiarity that seems more mature and authentic than in the last season.

plus seeing that carmy is a chef and only a chef for a reason is really fun. because i get it. math is hard. fuck math. watching him struggle with math is very affirming.

i love that in the basement we see a canning machine, with a label on it that says KBL, showing us the audience how mikey put the money in the tomato cans last season. BUT it also leaves me to question….carmy spent almost every waking moment at the beef last season, obsessively cleaning and trying to keep it afloat. he also wondered about why mikey was making payments to KBL electric and what it all meant…he didn’t go down to the basement at all? not once? see a canner that said KBL on it? think to himself “hmmm, that’s odd. maybe i should check these cans of tomato’s we have?” idk. i get that we have to tie up the relative plot hole of “how did mikey stick money in cans of tomato’s”. but it opens another can (haha 🙄) of worms of how didn’t carmy see this. i find it hard to believe he didn’t spend any time in the basement, since he was obsessed with the restaurant. and not noticing a giant machine that puts lids on cans would be hard.

i love that season one truly broke down richie, and right away into season two we get a richie who clearly wants more out of life. he realizes he’s been wrong and hurting and he’s trying to get back on track. plus, more characterization of the fact that richie reads a lot and reads good books, as he brings up the story. but right away you see richie’s arch this season: purpose, growth.

not to mention, i love the emotional intimacy between the two. that richie sort of bears his soul to carmy about his fears of being left behind, and of not finding his purpose. carmy saying he loves richie, and then when he realizes that richie is hurting telling him that he has time for richie. something fundamental happened last season and these two really found a level i don’t think they ever had before. richie is older than carmy, he’s mikey’s friend. he might have been invited to family gatherings and events, but most likely acted towards carmy like an older “cousin” would to a younger one. just kinda talking down and ignoring and not respecting them fully as they grow up. we saw this with the fact that multiple times throughout season one richie calls carmy a “baby”. and not because carmy was whining or crying, but because carmy was just so young. but after everything from last season, the toxic masculinity that surrounded these two (especially richie) is giving way to an emotional connection that is really sweet.

i love the admittance of richie’s age. there’s an unspoken rule in tv that you don’t give peoples ages too willingly, because if a character “ages out” of the marketable bracket the “audience will lose interest”. which is bullshit, but execs will always push to keep a characters age in a liminal paradoxical sub space somewhere between 25-35. so they’re not too young that they can’t be respected as adults, but not too old that you don’t care about them because they’re “boring and not cool”. it’s why on the show friends monica and rachel start in season one as 25/26 years old, and then turn 30 in season seven. they fucked with the timeline just to make sure that the friends remained young and cool enough to watch. so for richie to be 45, is both intentionally pushing him out of the “cool” age bracket to execs behind the scenes, which is what richie is worried about in the scene. he’s old and worried he can’t find his purpose.

but how richie’s problem and his season long arch perfectly sets up carmy’s problem and his season long arch is amazing: fun. enjoyment. you have your job and then you have what you do for yourself that isn’t monetized, isn’t going back to being “work stuff” but is just for you. and richie assuming carmy has fun with cooking and restaurant stuff because it’s ALL he does, and carmy admitting it’s not “fun” for him. ugh. it’s beautiful.

also, in the old photos that richie is looking at. i never noticed until this watch through that there’s one of gillian jacob’s as tiff, richie’s wife. i just assumed she was introduced in the flashback episode. but they had a little tease right at the beginning of the season. which is more than they needed to do. which is why i love this show.

also, THE ORIGINAL BERF shirt! i love it. didn’t want that to go without saying anything. “printing mistake. collectors item.”

the admittance that chester is gonna watch marcus’s mom while he’s at work….THATS A GOOD ROOMMATE. like….romantic partner level good. again, i’m starting this season off by coming back on my bullshit that marcus has a romantic energy with just about everyone, and that includes chester. i am a marcus x chester fan.

that we saw fak talking to ballbreaker in the last episode of season one (and ballbreaker talking back…) and now he’s bringing it home. it’s concerning…

the quick scenes of ebra looking unsure of everything…

“i thought i wanted some and then i wanted throw up.” oh. so nat’s pregnant. like. the moment she said that i was like “ah. nat’s pregnant.” i love that abby elliot was actually pregnant while filming season two. i’m sure that they wrote her pregnancy into the show. which i love instead of trying to hide it.

the long talk of how absolutely stupidly annoyingly COMPLICATED AND TIME CONSUMING AND CONVOLUTED it is to get a restaurant started is so on point. it hits hard. just reps after reps after reps.

and the fact that that conversation is capped by syd saying “we just gotta stay calm” and then falling right through a wall….art. artistry. poetry. amazing.

i love richie doing a breathing exercise so that he can properly explain his anger without it just being a meaningless explosion of anger. he’s angry because syd fell through a wall and ripped the fenway poster. and the red sox were mikey’s favorite baseball team. this is about mikey, and honoring his memory, not just a random outburst. and he can explain that because he took the time to breathe, and to properly communicate that, which made everyone understand and empathize for him. instead of react to his anger. emotional and mental maturity, folks! it’s great.

also richie’s explanation that the wall is plaster because mikey wanted to burn the place down for insurance money…..uffda. again, it’s hard to marry everything we know of mikey together: he was so charming, personable, charismatic in the scene we saw of him in season one. but he was selling and using coke, he wanted to burn down the restaurant…and we see so much darker stuff from him later this season. it’s just a little hard to believe that the happy mikey is the same as the dark and depressed mikey. but obvious addiction can have a major influence on people’s attitudes.

the fact that the alarm goes off and carmy’s first thought is “….is that in my head?” really tells you a lot about carmy’s head.

the fact that when carmy tells cicero that mikey was telling the truth about franchising the restaurant, but cicero’s first thought was “the petting zoo? mini golf?” really paints a grim picture of mikey’s brain and relationship with cicero.

“how does that [alarm] not drive you nuts?” “i don’t mind it”. once again showing that carmy has this thing in him that kind of enjoys pain. he “dug throwing up before shift everyday”, and other stuff in season one.

the hinting of getting a star, which crops up a few times this season, tells me that season three is almost undoubtedly going to be about getting a star. even though i’m with carmy; fuck stars. you have to pay to get them, and the first one is the only one about food.

“can i tell you a story about complete and utter failure…?” - cicero trying to tell this story for the first time this season, which is interrupted by carmy saying that if they don’t pay back the loan cicero gives them in 18 months the building and lot and business is completely cicero’s

carmy giving that proposition is an interesting plot point. because it could be a major thing in season three, or they could blow past it and not even mention it. BUT even if they don’t make the loan payment and ownership goes to cicero, he could choose to keep the restaurant going and have everyone keep working for him (which would make more sense to keep his character in the show, in a behind the scenes kind of way). so, we’ll see what happens.

i think almost every single scene with tina this whole season makes me wanna cry. syd asking tina to be her sous, and tina thinking that syd is asking tina to ask around for a sous is just so good. and then her big hug as tina realizing syd wants her to be the sous. UGH. tina is just so good!

OK. SO. the scene where everyone’s going home, and it’s just syd and carm and they’re talking about how weird it feels to go home so early, but there’s only so much you can do without permits. 1) it’s SO relatable. anytime you’re expecting to be in the weeds and have that sweaty, fast paced, rush feeling and instead you get nothing it just feels….wrong. like empty. even though it means you’re not stressed for a night. 2) there’s just a vibe of carmy and syd being a little romantical. there’s a little second beat as they look at each other where i was like “ohhhhh!” and then nothing happens. but it’s there, right? just a bit?

the unsettling quiet as carmy sits at his apartment just at a loss for what to do and how to be still. and then staring at his chef jacket and the song. the CLASSIC song from season one. that new noise. it plays and you just go “yeah….we’re back.”

i love the camaraderie as carmy comes back to the bear and syd and nat are already there. and then the montage as they set up a schedule and print inspo and we see the hours tick by. it scratched an itch that i miss. i miss the feeling of starting a place and just the overwhelming amount of work involved in it. how the hours tick by.

and that’s the episode. ugh. it’s so good! the vibe, the pacing. everything it sets up. so so so good. i love it.

SEASON ONE: one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight

SEASON TWO: one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten

[khazadspoon]

damn it I’m invested and it’s the rawhide discord server’s fault AGAIN. But also my fault. Have some gentle Favor/Wishbone I don’t have any excuses I love the mother and father of the drive.

———

He hasn’t had a wife for years now. And though she lingers in his peripheral vision, a phantom with hands that beckon and eyes that follow his every move, he has started to forget the details. He can’t remember the exact colour of her eyes or the sound of her voice when she’s half asleep. He can remember her favourite flowers, her perfume, but not the taste of her cooking. What little of it he managed to enjoy while they were together.

Her death broke something inside him. It’s only in the last few years he’s discovered it was slowly mending itself.

Gil has his girls in Philadelphia to love and care for. He has their aunt to do the same and to return that familial bond. He has friends, the men who put up with his moods and half-militant attitude towards leadership. And in amongst all that he has Wishbone to keep him afloat.

Wishbone, the steady constant on each and every drive. The one person who is there day in and day out, never straying far or getting himself into trouble. Not too much trouble, anyway. He is a rudder to steer Gil in the right direction, an anchor to hold him steady when things get rough, the heart and soul of the work Gil is trying to do.

No… Gil hasn’t had a wife for years now. But he has Wishbone and that’s almost the same. They argue in the same ways, about the same things, and it always makes him smile to think about. Wishbone has sewed holes in his shirts to apologise for an outburst, and Gil has bought the cook things to do the same. They move around one another without thought, sharing spaces without needing to speak. They’ve talked for hours about anything and nothing and there’s always been an unspoken agreement that they’re riding in the same direction no matter what.

No rings. No vows. Just the trail and the chuck wagon. A hand resting on his shoulder to offer comfort. A cup of coffee before he even knew he wanted one. Soft words of encouragement or consolation.

It hits him, not unlike a bullet, that he does love Wishbone in a way that mirrors how he loved- loves his wife.

Evening comes and he rides into camp, the weight of responsibility like a whole mountain range on his shoulders. He trudges over to the chuck wagon and leans against Wishbone as the man fiddles with pans and utensils.

“How one group of men can get through so much sugar I’ll never know,” Wishbone grumbles under his breath, the words soft like a mother talking about unruly but much loved children. “Mister Favor, I’m gonna need to head into the next town for yet more supplies soon and-”

Gil leans down, nudges the man’s hat up with his nose and presses a slow, soft, lingering kiss to the skin of his forehead. Wishbone stills. He doesn’t jolt or jerk, doesn’t pull back and ask what the hell he’s doing, just… stills and waits.

“Whatever you need, Wish.”

He’s kissed a handful of women since becoming a widow. A couple of men, too, though only Pete knows that as far as he can tell. It seems natural to do this, now, leaning against Wishbone and feeling the steady warmth of him.

Wishbone makes a small, contented sound. “Damn right, whatever I need. You’d not last a day out here without me.”

A laugh bursts from Gil before he can think to stifle it, his breath rushing across Wishbone’s brow. “I think we could do a day, maybe two.”

“And no more than that!”

“No more’n that.”

Wishbone nods, accepts the compliment, and resumes his fiddling. Gil lets himself be directed, doing what really should be Mushy’s job, and lets himself sink into the gentle domesticity.

He misses his wife like a gut wound. He has Wishbone to make it better, though.

[stxrvel]

strike two (4)

summary: you begin to analyse your friendship with Bucky as revelations appear around the corner.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: no idea, more than 3k that's sure

warnings: mention of feelings of sadness and anxiety

note: i don't even know what's going on with my life these days. i've been with so much ups and downs that i don't think i can follow my life's pace anymore. why is it so difficult just to live? anyways, i still find comfort in writing even tho i don't enjoy music as much as i used to, and that's scary. i hope i still find some light in writing from now on, cause that would be the only thing that keeps me afloat.

i hope you enjoy this chapter!

part 4 of how to break a routine in one year

You hadn't missed the news that morning. And, in a way, you wished you had. Sam Wilson, aka Falcon, was handing over the great Captain America's shield; a simile object that brought back memories of bitter times. The supersoldier had become an icon since the defeat of Thanos, much more so than he was when he was frozen for several decades, living as a myth. He had been reborn to become a legend, and a constant reminder of all that you had lost. You saw his face everywhere, and Tony Stark's, decorating the streets of Washington; you couldn't even shop in peace without finding the face of one of the Avengers on a box of cereal or stamped on a cup of chocolate. The most mundane routines of your life had begun to become a constant martyrdom where every corner forced you to remember that you were someone that day that the you of five and a half years ago would not have recognised.

Ever since Emmet came to your flat, to do what was best for both of you that you could never have done, you felt that your chip of conformity and warmth had been burnt out. That same night, you had arranged to meet Bucky to talk the next day, you remembered it perfectly.

But even so, you couldn't find it in you to open the door when he knocked once; twice; three times… four times. Your feet were planted in front of the door, your whole body static and your heart hammering fiercely inside your chest even though you felt every limb of your body freeze. When Bucky knocked for the umpteenth time, you could barely remember him saying anything from the other side of the door. You remembered the sound of his voice, but you couldn't put together and make sense of the words trying to form a sentence. Your mind was scattered, but alert to any sign of danger. It was so difficult and overwhelming to be so unaware of your reality and the now, but at the same time to be so aware of everything your senses perceived in a matter of seconds. Your instinct begged you to hide, to flee to the comfort of your bed and lie under the covers and pretend the problems didn't exist and imagine that everything was magically solved, as you did for a long time during the disappearance of half the people on the planet.

But, in the end, you couldn't open the door. And you knew that Bucky had spoken to you for a long time from the other side, but you couldn't remember anything he had said.

Later that night, when you were more aware of reality, you sat on your balcony next to your cup of green tea, something you hoped would help you get some sleep that night.

What happened after those moments you did remember.

“Are you okay?”  your neighbour's voice alerted you. You turned in surprise to find Bucky facing you, his body leaning against the railing of his balcony, watching you warily as if at any moment you were going to run away.

At some other time, his intrusion would bother you, especially after that week, but you were feeling especially vulnerable that night, enough so that you didn't mind too much telling Bucky about your dilemmas with your eyes lost in the infinity of stars that adorned the night sky, afraid that he would suddenly think you were going crazy, or on the verge of an existential crisis.

At that moment, you didn't really care about much.

“Emmet broke up with me,” you blurted out suddenly, not really answering his question.

“Oh-” 

“But it didn't really bother me, or upset me, nor do I feel like the saddest or most unhappy person in the world. I guess I had seen it coming, but I didn't want to accept it because ending it would mean starting over in this world that's crazy enough as it is.”

You detailed the moon as your thoughts drifted back to the night before, to that moment when you realised you were clinging to a lost cause.

“I thought that… I thought I had it all figured out. Before the blip I thought nothing could defeat me and my perfect life; after the blip I thought I could fix it all by moving to another continent; when Emmet came back, I thought I could get back that normal perfect life that used to make me happy, it was a strange monotony, like the one everyone goes through at some point, but I loved it. And I couldn't get it back. Nothing I ever had I could ever get back.” 

You looked down to watch the green tea bag float inside the cup.

“And now all I have is this. Nothing. An extinct survival instinct. Everything I knew is gone and everything new… It terrifies me. I'm so scared.”

When you looked up again at the stars that adorned the clear night, you felt the tears running down your cheeks. You were not a fan of that feeling and sensation, preferring more the solitude that came with repressing every feeling of suffering in the darkness of a room. However, the knot in your chest was too big to hold in any longer, and in that moment, in that fleeting moment, you preferred to let it out.

If you really didn't have anything else, what difference did it make?

You breathed in hard, until your lungs ached, and let the air out heavily. You turned to look at Bucky, his gaze reflected an expression you couldn't decipher, but you didn't feel like it either. Before he decided to answer you, you took the floor again:

“What was it you wanted to tell me last night?” 

The man's expression was obfuscated by the sudden change of subject, but with his frown he didn't give the matter much head.

“I wanted to apologise to you, for my attitude over the last few weeks, it wasn't the most appropriate. But it wasn't for the reason you thought.”

“So... you don't mind me asking questions about your life?”

Bucky shrugged, his gaze turned to the city lights.

“I suppose I've been asked worse. A birthday never hurts.” 

You smiled at him, sincerely.

“However, there was a reason I had that less than exemplary behaviour.”

“I don't think you've ever been as forthcoming as you were tonight. Is it because of the full moon?”

Bucky tried to hold back a smile, but it failed terribly so he decided to avert his gaze from yours. He didn't like you trying to be funny at that moment because he was going to tell you something he didn't know how you were going to take it, and nervousness was taking over his body in a way he didn't know how to decipher.

“The thing is…” Bucky took the floor again, his forearms resting on the railing and his body pointing towards yours, hands clasped. He didn't know how not to look like he was about to explode, “Because of my job, I've had to do a few things these past days. And, also, during that time, I had time to reflect on our, um… friendship?”

The man frowned, as if the word wasn't the one he was looking for to express what he wanted to say, but watching your confused expression made him put those ideas out of his mind.

“My job was a complicated thing. It's not really something I'm proud of and there's a lot of things about it that I'm still trying to fix. But the things that made me think about our friendship were that, because of my job, I've made a lot of enemies. Too many. And I don't want you to…”

Bucky cut himself off mid-sentence, his heavy breathing beginning to heave. “I don't want one of those people to connect you to me and try to hurt you.”

He watched you, unsettled by your immobility. And yes, you were just watching him, because of everything he could say about it that he hadn't told you, that was the last thing you expected.

“My job was… I mean, I was…”

He fell silent again mid-sentence, his nerves winning out in his moment of bravery. He didn't know why he suddenly cared so much about what you thought about what he was about to say, when for a long time he didn't care that that was all that was talked and thought about him.

“You were the Winter Soldier.”

The stunned expression the man gave you after hearing your words was one you wanted to keep in your head forever; at least in those moments you needed to laugh. Despite the darkness, you could notice his small pupils and how he stopped the anxious movements of his hands.

“How did you…?”

“I was overcome with curiosity. I was more surprised I hadn't figured it out sooner. But Sam was what intrigued me much more, and since recently the news has been all about him it's very easy to find certain information on the internet.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows, slightly relieved that you hadn't taken it as badly as he'd hoped.

“If it's any consolation, I only found out about it about two hours ago.”

The man gave a half-smile.

“To be honest, I was also surprised you didn't already know. I mean, there's Avengers news everywhere all the time. And a few years ago there was a scandal… that just... phew.”

You let out a short laugh, your hands moving to set your cup with the forgotten tea on the small glass table you had on the balcony.

“I was never a big Avengers fan. I lived far enough away from the news and the networks to not know anything about them.”

“Oh. That's a good reason.”

“But it's not personal, don't worry.”

“Well, that's a relief.”

And that was true, it wasn't personal, but you couldn't help the strange feeling that stayed with you from the moment you found out, to the moment you woke up the next day and saw on the news that Sam Wilson had given Captain America's shield to the Smithsonian. Your mind quickly went to Bucky as soon as you heard the headline, thinking about how the man must have been feeling at that moment when you knew that this great hero had been his best and greatest friend in life.

But you didn't have to wonder for long.

When you left your house, just a few minutes later, you found Bucky coming out of his. You were about to greet him as you were accustomed to doing when you noticed his disgruntled face.

Yes, the shield.

“Hi,” you greeted innocently, not really knowing how to approach the subject.

“Hi,” Bucky greeted you back, drier than usual, but you didn't blame him.

You moved to his side as he approached the elevator and waited on your feet as you watched him out of the corner of your eye. His chest was rising and falling a little faster than usual, and you could hear how loud his breathing was. You decided not to look, but you could already imagine that his hands were clasped at the sides of his body.

“Going somewhere in such a hurry?”

“To see Sam.”

The lift doors opened.

“Oh, yeah, right.”

You two stepped inside and quickly Bucky pressed the first floor.

“And where's Sam?”

“About to get on a plane.”

“Oh.”

The lift stopped and Bucky stepped out taking large strides without looking back. With short but quick steps, you promptly approached him.

“May I join you?”

Your feet crossed and you felt the friction of a blow against a strong physiognomy. Bucky had stopped his long strides suddenly and you had bumped into his back for not looking more carefully.

The man turned around, his eyes darting quickly to yours. He seemed to be looking for something in your face that told him you were joking or hoping you would back down under his intimidating gaze.

“No. That's not a good idea.”

“But-” 

“I said no. Did you even hear anything I said last night?”

You opened your mouth to refute, but nothing came out of it because you knew you didn't have a good argument. You just wanted to go along with him and make sure on your own that it would be okay, that he would be fine.

Something told you that this outing in search of Sam would end with the two of you not seeing each other for a few days.

Soon, as if he could read the feelings crossing your eyes, Bucky softened his gaze and spoke again, “I know you're worried, but I can take care of myself. I have experience. And Sam will be watching, too.”

“You won't tell Sam that I expect him to take care of you.”

“No,” the man admitted without a hint of embarrassment, “but he will anyway.”

You sighed, your slumped shoulders shifting slightly in time with your discomfort. Bucky began to walk away, not taking his gaze from yours.

“I'll be back when you least expect it.”

“Text me!” you exclaimed as he was already reaching the exit.

The man raised his hand in response.

It was definitely going to be a long few days.

-------------

You didn't really expect Bucky to write you. Not at all.

Well… maybe a little.

A little bit, yeah.

Definitely.

Notwithstanding the fact that you weren't exactly expecting Bucky to let you know how his journey was going, it was clear that the last thing you expected was a message from an unknown number in your inbox, with a 16-second video of Sam stinging Bucky until he ripped the mobile phone out of his hands and the video cut out.

It was Sam's number.

“Hey, what's up? We just finished the day's work. We're in perfect shape, the bloodstains aren't ours, don't worry.”

“Who the hell are you talking to?” you could hear Bucky's voice, and you smiled imagining his frown.

Sam turned the front camera to focus on Bucky.

“There's sourpuss Barnes, safe and sound. Say hello to your girlfriend, Barnes.”

That's when Bucky took the mobile phone from Sam and the video ended.

You stared at the screen as the video restarted. Sam's words sounded strange, completely foreign, and an unusual, unfamiliar feeling spread through your body that you didn't really know how to interpret.

“Y/N?”

Your co-worker, Tania, snapped you out of your musings. You raised your head to look at the brown-haired woman sitting at the desk across from you, seeing you through her dark glasses, one of her eyebrows was arched and it didn't take you long to notice the folder in her hands.

“What's wrong?”

“Who were you talking to?”

You frowned.

“No one.” you replied as you locked your mobile phone without answering and left it face down on the table.

Tania shook her head slightly in refusal as, for some reason, your hands began to sweat as if you were on top of a roller coaster about to fall.

“You're up to something strange these days.”

“I've been exactly the same as always.”

“Look, we've only known each other for a short time, but your face and eyes are very expressive. A very detailed person could tell a lot about you just by looking at your expressions.”

“And you're that kind of person?”

“Maybe, I wouldn't want to give myself too much credit,” Tania batted her eyelashes with a fussy smile, her hands moving nimbly over her computer keyboard. “Did you hear about the meeting on Wednesday?”

“Yes,” you promptly replied as you resumed your work in front of your computer. An exaggerated number of tabs fluttered open as you moved your mouse, your brow furrowing as you remembered that you hadn't made much progress since you came in after lunch. Looking at the clock on the bottom right, it was fifteen minutes to three. Almost two hours and you'd barely made two paragraphs. Sometimes being a substancer wasn't as entertaining as it sounded.

“And you're going?”

You looked up to see your partner, her eyes fixed on the screen. You dug through your head for memories of the moment when the meeting was announced, but you couldn't conjure up a moment when they gave information about attendance.

“It's for managers only, isn't it?”

Tania gave you a look.

“It's open to all staff. Those on floor two can bring a chaperone, but only those who are chosen. Ryan told me it was performance based, but I think it's random.”

“And you plan to bring someone?”

“Mmm, I don't know yet. Things with Marc have been going well, but I'm not sure I want to go that far.”

Tania twisted her lips and gave you a look.

“You could be my plus one.”

You let out a wry laugh.

“I don't think I'll be attending. It's just business stuff, it's not an environment I'm too fond of.”

“Maybe you'll cheer up if you go with the person you were smiling at on your mobile phone.”

You looked up to observe her. As opposed to being intimidated, Tania lets out a knowing chuckle and, from the twinkle in her eye, you knew she wouldn't stop mentioning it for a while.

Good thing you were so good at ignoring those kinds of situations to avoid awkward conversations.

--

One thing that was also true was that you definitely didn't expect Sam to keep sending you pictures or videos of his travels doing God knows what.

It had been four days since Bucky had left. Four days since Sam started sending you those files; by that point, you had a whole folder of files you could make a birthday video out of, some of them of the men looking bruised and some of them of Sam flying and zooming in on Bucky's figure on dry land, and another of Bucky lying on the ground, with a pretty funny grimace on his face.

You knew Bucky must have been irritated by those videos, but you couldn't help but watch them with a smile on your face all the way to your flat. You replayed them so much that at one point you swore you saw a hint of laughter on Bucky Barnes' face. Unheard of.

You were getting closer and closer to home. The bus station left you only about five blocks away from what you had cautiously grown accustomed to walking. Sometimes the time passed ultra-fast when you walked them with Bucky, but when you did it alone, it was a good moment of reflection before you entered your flat and lay down in the comfort of your bed, where you tried not to carry the stress of the day… although it was very difficult.

A little less than a block away, you again came across what you had begun to notice just a few days before: the symbol of the Flag Smashers, an organised group that you only knew a few things about. It made you a little uneasy to see it every time you got home, but it wasn't as overwhelming a sense of terror or panic as the media wanted to portray it. It was more fear of what might happen to them.

When you entered the lobby of the building, you went to check your mailbox. There were a few people clustered together talking at the reception desk and their murmurs reached your position almost eight metres away. They weren't really trying to be quiet.

“I don't understand how you could accept a date with that man,” the super-recognisable voice of Mrs Tina Sawyer echoed throughout the room. You didn't have to think twice to know who she was talking about and, honestly, it made you nauseous just thinking about how many times those people could have met to talk about him like that.

“You're too hard on him, Tina,” an unfamiliar voice rebutted. You frowned as you skimmed through the few envelopes that had arrived in the mail.

“I'm just trying to be honest and objective. For God's sake, Leah, he left you alone on that date!”

Date?

“No big deal. It sounded like he had problems of his own to deal with.”

You heard a click of the tongue and deduced that it was Tina again, and you imagined with displeasure the grimace of indignation that must have been on her face. You still didn't understand how this woman could be so unreasonable and how she could treat Bucky, who had never meddled in her affairs and never put her name on his mouth, in such a way.

“I don't know anyone so foolish as to… -well, to be honest…”

The woman was silent. You prepared to put away your mail and head back to your flat without looking back, not wanting to listen again or even think about other people's foolishness.

“Oh, Y/N, dear,” Mrs. Sawyer called to you.

You closed your eyes tightly. You didn't have the patience to put up with that, so you just turned around and gave a polite smile to each and every person present; there really couldn't have been more than five people, but there were enough of them.

“Good evening, Mrs. Sawyer. And company,” you nodded your head slightly forward in salute, “If you'll excuse me, I'm late for my…”

“Wait. Just a sec,” Tina Sawyer walked over to you and grabbed your wrist to pull you closer to the circle, “Y/N, meet Leah, the woman who used to work at the diner next door. You probably know her. Maybe Mr. Barnes told you about her once.”

You couldn't help the scowl you gave Mrs. Sawyer. Your vain attempt to appear as formal and polite as possible was swallowed up by the hypocrisy in her eyes, and you were soon in a very compromising position to throw your purse in her face and run away.

Pull yourself together, you impulse of idiocy.

You turned to look at the aforementioned Leah, finding a woman with auburn hair and Asian features. Ah, you did know her. But definitely not from Bucky.

“Bucky's never told me about you. I'm sorry.”

You noticed Leah press her lips together in a line. She looked like she wanted to force something out of your mouth with her gaze, but you couldn't quite understand what.

“You see?” Mrs. Sawyer spoke up, “That man is a lout.”

“Just because Mr. Barnes doesn't want to share his personal life with me doesn't mean he's a bad man,” you grumbled angrily, your arm jerking fiercely out of the older woman's grip.

“But you're the one he talks to the most. Has he really never spoken to you about the possibility of a second date with Leah?” it was Mrs. Mildred who spoke, her face contorted in a genuine thrill of insecurity and concern.

“Never,” you replied without hesitation, “Just because we talk doesn't mean we tell each other everything.”

“That's true,” you heard the woman, Leah, say from feet beside you, “And you can really tell that Bucky is a person who has a hard time opening up to others.”

You frowned at the woman's words. And who did this woman think she was to speak so personally about him in front of these people? Did she really know him? Did she really care? Most likely she had only met him once, she can't know him as well as you know him, though it's not too much, but it's enough.

“Indeed, he is a reserved person. In every way,” you stressed without taking your eyes off Leah.

What did she know after all? They had only met once, right?

Hadn't they?

Your presence in that place, with every second, became more unbearable. Watching those people talk behind someone else's back was a heavy blow to your compass of morality, and you couldn't help the impending rejection you felt towards all of them at that moment.

On top of that, there was a strange pressure in your chest. It wasn't suffocating, no, but you felt it was only a matter of time before it became overwhelming.

Seeing Leah talk about Bucky like that, as if you weren't the only one he confided a thing or two in, made you feel very strange, alien, unfamiliar, or something you just preferred not to name because of how hard it would be to accept and cope with.

You knew there was something there, probably one-sided, especially now that you knew of Leah's existence; but there was something, you could definitely recognise a rather ambiguous feeling hovering at the edges of your tongue and in the curvatures of your heart.

There was something, something that was in great danger of becoming a gigantic mass of problems that would make your life more difficult than it needed to be. And the thought of it was painful, a sharp, piercing sensation you hadn't felt for a long time. The sense of anticipatory loss was running through your mind, as if preparing you for a situation that had a remote but not impossible chance of happening.

After all, what was there in you that couldn't be found in other people? You were a pretty ordinary person, especially in the eyes of someone who has literally seen all kinds of aliens. What was your real point in all that?

After that revelation, you knew that thinking about Bucky would cause you headaches from now on.

“But he's a good person,” you heard Leah say again, a smirk forming on her lips and her eyes lighting up with a memory, “I wouldn't mind asking him out the next time I see him.”

What was there in you that couldn't be found in other people?

[blueberriesjust]

Bad Decisions

Pt 1

Trigger Warning

Mentions of cheating and birth complications

This is a fanfic about a love hate relationship with Peter Criss that never seems to go right.

You were never one to stay in the same spot for more than a year but when you met Peter all of that changed. He seemed perfect. Oftentimes you and Peter messed around without protection. After two years of hopping you wouldn't get pregnant, it happened. You woke up every morning sick and you started craving random things. You decided to tell Peter about it.

The day seemed off and the weather was dreary as you pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building. You had an odd feeling in your chest as you walked up the stairs and unlocked the door. It only got worse when you walked into his room and everything seemed to stop. Peter was cheating on you with another girl and your heart broke. You stayed calm and just turned around and walked out slamming the door behind you. He ran after you pulling his pants back on yelling but you didn't hear a word. You tried to stay in New York but since you didn't have that anchor you drifted away. You hopped from town to town just trying to find someone or something to keep you afloat. You were close to your due date and you had wandered back to New York. You had told your parents a while ago and they were happy to let you stay.

"You know (y/n), I was just like you when I was younger." You mom said with a fond look on her face. "I hated staying in one place for too long. I had found your father but he cheated on me causing me to go off traveling again." 

"You've told me this a million times"

"I know, I know, I just want to make sure you don't feel like you're alone" she teared up "I felt like I was alone but in reality I could have always gone back to my parents. Yet I didn't and I regret it they both passed before I could see them again."

"I will always come back."

A month passed before you went into labor and it definitely was chaotic. Your mom was freaking out, your dad passed out. You were in so much pain. Everything was going smoothly though. You delivered a beautiful healthy little boy. Then everything changed. You were giving birth to a second child. He wasn't healthy at all. You screamed you couldn't lose him. The doctor and nurses rushed to save the baby. They tried everything and eventually it worked. The baby had to stay in the hospital until it was healthy but other than that he was alive. You named baby number 1 Charles and baby 2 Christopher. 

As soon as Charlie and Chris were old enough to travel you set off again. From town to town and place to place. You had met Stacy, Gwen, and Tarra along the way. You all decided to form a band called Hysteria. Eventually the boys got to the age where they had to attend school so you went back to New York and set up shop. It was 1973 the boys were 5. Years passed and your band was gaining traction by 1975 you had millions of fans.

"I have a wonderful idea but I'll need your opinion on it" this caught everyone's attention the manager usually did things and apologized later.

"Well, what is it?" The lead singer Stacy asked.

"I think we should ask your fans if there is a band they would like you to collaborate with on an album."

"I'm surprised you asked" you stated getting a glare from the manager

"I just wanted to warn you that you have an interview at 5 am" he said quickly before ducking out of the room.

"5 AM!" the Lead Guitarist shouted

"Calm it Tarra you knew there was going to ba a some sort of surprise" Gewn the Bassist said 

"It's already 3am two hours of sleep isn't enough" you stated blandly already done with the whole situation. 

After you all had gotten ready, which took Tarra the whole two hours, you arrived at the news station late as usual. Hair and makeup moved fast and before you knew it you were infront of the camera. 

"So Stacy your the lead singer how does it feel to be up front and center in front of millions of people?" 

"It's stressful but also fun wouldn't trade it for the world" 

"Gwen your bass is great and so are the backing vocals" the reporter fan girled "and Tarra absolutely amazing rifts I don't know how you do it" she was so excited when she got to you "The drum solos and song lyrics are better than anything else I've heard" 

"That's very kind of you" you said you were always the nicest in the band at least to fans. 

"So I heard from a little birdy that you are planning a collaboration album" the reporter said slyly. Your bandmates looked around at one another. They decided to let you take the reins on this one. 

"Yeah that is true, we just thought it'd be fun for the fans to see two of their favorite bands collaborate." you continued after a pause "unfortunately we don't know what our fan bases other favorite band is so we decided that we will ask them" you looked over at your manager who was holding up a magazine. You took the magazine from him and displayed it to the camera. "You can tell us who your favorite band is by getting one of these magazines and sending in the information card with your favorite band on it and why the band should be picked." In reality the manager didn't care why the band should be picked he just cared which band had the most cards. 

Eventually the interview ended and you all headed back to the studio. By the time you had gotten back to the studio there were already millions of information cards sent in the bands ranging from Queen to ABBA and even some bands that were entirely different from your band's sound. It took days to count the cards you and your band mates helped but you had to get other people's help too your parents even helped. After days and days of counting and more and more cards being sent in the manager chose to cut off the cards and count only what they already had. 

"The top three bands were" he looked over at you "drumroll please" you sighed but did it anyway. 

"At number 3 with 50,000 votes we have..... Queen" Stacy sighed she thought the would have won.

"At number 2 with 60,000 votes we have..... ACDC" Gwen and Tarra were heartbroken; they wanted them to win.

"And at number 1 with 60,001 votes we have…. KISS." The room went quiet, they all knew your opinion on the drummer. Everyone waited for your response. 

"Well it's what the fans want, we have to give it to them" 

"Are you sure we don't have to we can just say ACDC won" Stacy said 

"No no, it's fine I'll just keep my distance and everything will be ok" you were heartbroken by this news you had been trying everything to stay away from Peter. The boys were fine with not knowing their dad; there was no reason for him to be in your life.

[libertyreads]

May TBR--

Thanks to my newly minted library card, this is not all of my TBR for the month of May. Just the books I currently physically own. I’m so excited for the reads for the month of May. I get to start my Murderbot Diaries reread and I get to check out some books that have caught my eye but not held enough interest for me to actually go out and purchase them for myself.

1. Daisy Darker by Alice Feeney (Library)-- This is a Murder Mystery set on an isolated island. Daisy Darker’s family has never been what one would call functional. After years of avoiding each other, the family is assembling for Nana’s 80th birthday at the crumbling gothic house on a tiny tidal island. When the tide comes in, they’ll be cut off from the rest of the world for eight hours. Each family member arrives while harboring secrets and then at the stroke of midnight, as a storm rages, Nana is found dead. And an hour later the next family member follows. This is a retelling of sorts of the Agatha Christie story ‘And Then There Were None.’

2. Rookie Move by Sarina Bowen (Library)-- Leo Trevi has spent the last six years trying to do two things: get over the girl who broke his heart and succeed in the NHL. But, on the first day he’s called up to the show, Leo gets checked on both sides. First, by the team’s coach who has a grudge; second, by the team’s sexy, icy publicist--his former girlfriend Georgia Worthington.

3. Greenglass House by Kate Milford (Library)-- This one seems to be a Middle Grade Mystery/Fantasy novel about a place called Greenglass House. It’s a creaky smuggler’s inn that’s always quiet during the wintertime. While Milo, the innkeepers’ adopted son, planned on relaxing during his holidays, things get thrown off course by the ring of the guest bell. It rings again and again. Soon, Milo’s home is bursting with odd and secretive guests who each bring a strange story that’s connected to the old house.

4. Demon in the Wood by Leigh Bardugo (Library)-- This one seems to be a graphic novel version of the Darkling’s history and backstory. I think it’s the only Grishaverse thing I have yet to read. I was never interested in buying it so I’m glad I finally have my library card and can read it for free.

5. Neverworld Wake by Marisha Pessl (Kindle)-- This is a YA Mystery following a group of friends a year after the death of their friend Jim. His girlfriend Beatrice has questions she wants answered and their meeting again gives her that chance. And then a mysterious man knocks on the door and announces the impossible: time for them has become stuck, snagged on a splinter that can only be removed if the former friends make the harshest of decisions.

6. A Study in Drowning by Ava Reid (NetGalley)-- A Fantastical Dark Academia novel that looks like it will be everything fans of Dark Academia could ever want. Since childhood, Effy Sayre has been haunted by visions of the Fairy King. She’s found solace only in the pages of Angharad--author Emrys Myrddin’s beloved epic about a mortal girl who falls in love with the Fairy King and then destroys him. Effy’s tattered copy is all that keeps her afloat through her stifling first term at Llyr’s prestigious architecture college. So when Myddin’s family announces a contest to design the late author’s house, Effy feels certain this is her destiny. 

7. The Marriage Act by John Marrs (New Release)-- From the author who brought us the insanity that was The One, comes a new Mystery/Thriller. What if marriage was the law? Dare you disobey? In near-future Britain, a right-wing government believes it has the answer to society’s ills--the Sanctity of Marriage Act, which actively encourages marriage and punishes those who choose to remain single. But four couples are about to discover just how impossible relationships can be when the government is monitoring every aspect of our personal lives and will use every tool in its arsenal to ensure everyone will love, honor, and obey.

8. All Systems Red by Martha Wells-- I’m finally starting my reread of The Murderbot Diaries! I cannot explain my excitement. I’ll just quote the GR synopsis since there’s so much I could just burst forth with already. “In a corporate-dominated space-faring future, planetary missions must be approved and supplied by the Company. For their own safety, exploratory teams are accompanied by Company-supplied security androids. But in a society where contracts are awarded to the lowest bidder, safety isn’t a primary concern. On a distant planet, a team of scientists is conduction surface tests, shadowed by their Company supplied ‘droid--a self-away SecUnit that has hacked its own governor module and refers to itself as ‘Murderbot.’ Scornful of humans, Murderbot wants to be left alone long enough to figure out who it is, but when a neighboring mission goes dark, it’s up to the scientists and Murderbot to get to the truth.”

9. The Beauty and the Beast (Minalima edition) by Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve-- I’m so excited to read this interactive, illustrated version of the original story. The epic love story follows a beautiful young girl imprisoned in the magical castle of a monstrous beast.

10. The American Roommate Experiment by Elena Armas-- This is a standalone romance novel that is set after The Spanish Love Deception. But I’ve been reassured that I don’t need to read that one first. In this novel, we follow aspiring romance author Rosie Graham whose life is a little up in the air following her quitting her well paying job. But through a misunderstanding Rosie and Lucas both end up staying at her friend Lina’s apartment. They end up trying to break Rosie’s writer’s block in some unexpected ways.

[seanlongauthor]

kaneki x hide romance fic 18+ pt.1

“urgh! why is it so hot im literally dying” hide groaned. hide’s sitting at his regular table in anteiku uncomfortably hot waiting for kaneki to finish his shift. they’d arranged to got to the cinema after kaneki got off and see the new grey clover movie. “stop complaining” kaneki sighed from behind the counter. “unless you have money to pay for the tickets you need to let me finish my shift and be patient”. hide couldn’t argue with kaneki on that point as he hasnt been able to pay for any of their “friend” dates since the new term started. after kaneki started working at anteiku him and hide havent spent as much time together as they used to which has lead to hide not only missing kaneki but also having a feeling of yurning for kaneki  and his attention. hide no longer sees kaneki as just his friend but instead as some mysterious man who gives him butterflies everytime they engage in conversation. though hide would most likely never admit this to kaneki they both somewhat know that their friendships is turning more into a relationship as time goes by all that stops this change from happening is the two’s inability to make the first move. 

“bye touka” kaneki and hide called out seemingly in tandem as they headed out of the small cafe door onto the street. “i swear your shifts are getting longer and longer“ hide complained. “if you got a job i wouldn't have to work so much to keep your broke ass afloat“ kaneki retorted in a jokey teasing manner that made hide pout. “don’t worry i’m just joking around. come on lets start heading towards the cinema we don’t wanna miss the movie” kaneki reassured sensing that his joke had made hide feel bad about being unemployed. “can we get popcorn i’m starving” hide requested. his mood changing to his upbeat springy self. as they walked down the street kaneki (having agreed to buy hide a large salted popcorn) watched they boy he’d known since elementary school bounce with every step almost breaking into full fledged skipping. hide stopped and turned around sensing a warm stare from behind and smiled brightly at kaneki before continuing in the most whimsical fashion imaginable. this small action made kanekis heart skip a beat. just like hide the distance has helped to cultivate a romantic desire for hide in kanekis heart. as they get closer to the cinema hide can barely contain his excitement and and waits several feet in front of kaneki practically bouncing on the spot waiting for him to catch up. “lets go i cant wait.“ hide half shouted being mindful of his volume but also getting caught up in his excitement. hide grabs kenis hand and starts towards the cinema. kaneki is immediately flustered and underneath his eyepatch he can feel his eye start to twitch as his heart rate increases. just from having his hand securely accompanied by hide’s kaneki begins to grow more and more flustered meanwhile noticing the arrival of an issue that he quickly hides by placing his satchel over the front of his body covering his waist and what lies below it. 

that was the first part of a little thing i felt like writing if its any good i might continue and if you read it all your feedback is always welcome thanks. : )