#it can be emotionally and mentally hard to deal with especially when two things are that strongly opposed

[ruelpsen]

ok TW: me/ntal il/lness and trau/ma mentions (to avoid stuff showing up in tags): but is anyone else in a weird spot like me... i have a re/str/ict/ive E/D but also a feedism kink.. ????? how. why. also. normal/vanilla sex & horny noises kind of gross me out usually unless im in a horny mood and not in a bad trau/ma moment lol. is anyone else like this?

My experiences might not be exactly the same as yours (at least in regard to the first part), but I've been around here long enough to have seen that you are far from alone. I get so uncomfortable so quickly whenever people so much as bring up burping in casual conversation, as normal and/or gross of a thing it is to >99% of the population. It's hard trying to act natural and find a good way to change the subject without feeling awkward...

[idllytarott]

PAC: LOVE IN JUNE.

my catalog.

Pile One.

Hello pile one! The month of June in love brings a lot of newfound emotions. It will be difficult for you to express yourself this month, you'll feel like a lot of things are changing externally, so you'll be changing a lot internally. You will desire more connections, these next few days bring a lot of options in love, but you might not know how to deal with them accordingly, you won't feel good about yourself this month, you'll want to hide or not socialize. There is a lot of busy or nervous energy around you, like you won't have time to connect or interact with other people, no matter how hard you try or how much you want to form new relationships, this is a month of self reflection, of dealing with heavy thoughts and emotional detachment, you are not yet in a place where you feel comfortable talking and being vulnerable, you are still closed off from past situations that shape the way you move nowadays. Work on that, work on this fear of abandonment or need to want to control the outcome of a situation at all times. As I said, there'll be a lot of new options in love, but you have to step back and focus on what it is you truly want from love right now, don't stay or accept a bad situation just to not feel lonely, or you'll regret it.

some channeled messages: Gemini, Air dominant, Aries, Leo, Scorpio, 999, the 9th of October or April, dreaming of a life far away from your own body, self-esteem issues are really bad now, dealing with everything on your own, scared of non-committal people, Lexa Gates, red orange.

Pile Two.

Hello pile two! The month of June in love is a little crowded. I see this will be a time of uncertainty and indecision, there will be a person, probably a man, that wants to provide for you and take care of you in a moment where your life or mental state is not the best, this person is caring and trustworthy. But beware of codependency, if you are not used to this kind of love or help, it can go south really quickly, you must learn to be more independent and trust your gut when something or something isn't sitting right with you. This person can be charming and pretty, nice to be around, but they might want too much room soon, promise things they are more ready or in a good place emotionally, to give, a lot of sexual energy, but as I said, beware, because if sex and gifts is the only thing a person can offer you, without commitment, or emotions, you might end up in a situation you will not like to be in. These next few days can be challenging mentally, a lot of things or a busy schedule will perturbate your calm. Your idea of what love is will change a lot this month and you'd be put to the test, what is a priority for you, your partner or you? Sadness can be especially difficult to deal with this month, be sure to have a good support system to get out of it.

some channeled messages: Libra, Mars dominant, Virgo, Capricorn, Taurus, Cancer, hard to sleep during the night, trying to keep busy because your love life makes you sad, complicated men, anger issues, super opposites, opposite signs? 555, the 5th of November or May, sixsex, dark pink.

Pile Three.

Hello pile three! The month of June in love will be very promising, you'll be entering into a commitment or very proud of the person you have in your life. You will be seeing the fruits of your labour if you've been seeing someone or trying to take your relationship to the next step, you will also have to deal with your sensitivity to criticism, this month will test your tolerance and patience, your anxious mind. Sometimes you are inclined to play the victim instead of fixing a problem and these next few days are going to call you to be more sensitive to others emotions, to not do things impulsively or let your mind get in the way of your love life, you have a tendency to see the bad in the mundane and the exciting in the dangerous, your life in general can be feeling stagnant and you cope by breaking every relationship you have and starting again. Be patient, don't do something you'll regret in a week, you are a very sensitive person but you are also very gullible, don't let shiny things manipulate you into a bad situation.

some channeled messages: Aquarius, Aries, Sagittarius, Pisces, difference in age, grieving something before it's over, stupid questions, salty food, grey's anatomy, doing everything for nothing, he doesn't have a crush on you, infidelity? 13th of any month, Tuesday the 13th , 666, sun protector, lorde, ocean blue.

Pile Four.

Hello pile four! The month of June in love brings structure and responsibility, a lot of nostalgia from the past. Thinking about the things you have and the things you had to let go of to have them, your emotions will not control you this month, your mind will be set in one goal and you will feel like love is a chore sometimes, there is a person that wants to grab your attention, someone responsible or good-looking, a person with good income and with feelings for you. I don't see you being too focused on love these next few days, you will be thinking a lot about your future and, if somebody is interested in you, you might doubt them a lot, or resist their advances, but this person will be very persistent, I see they call the attention a lot and they are kind of confused as to why they can't get your attention specifically, your love life this month is going to be tested a lot, by you. You will feel like you have no time to waste, that you have already seen what's out there and it doesn't impress you, I see you focused on your studies or your job or future projects, love here can change, but only if you're willing to, you are very emotionally closed off this month, but there's a possibility that somebody is very interested in you, it's your choice to give them a chance or not. Don't run away from vulnerability, nothing bad is going to happen to you if you open up.

some channeled messages: Capricorn, Aquarius, Saturn dominant, Cancer, Leo, post mortem, looking forward, city lights, being obsessed with hair, urbanism, political views, resentment, tarot reading, cupid arrows, trouble compromising, draco Malfoy??, 11:11, forward beckon rewind, the future sucks lol, 11 of September, September or cold days, autumn, 777, Taylor Swift, green.

[vintagetimetarot]

Message from your future spouses higher self 🌹

Hi everyone! It’s been so long since I posted a PAC. So sorry! My mental health hasn’t been great. But I finally mustered up some motivation for a reading today. This is whatever your future spouses higher self wants to bring to light to you. Let’s go! Pick a vinatge image below for your pile. (Side note, a lot of the piles were very similar, so if you feel drawn to more than one, go for it!)

Pile 1: The message your future spouse’s higher self wants to tell you is that that are genuinely so proud on how far you have come in life. They can’t wait to finally meet you, they say that your union isn’t super far away. They want to let you know that once they come into your life, they’ll be your biggest cheerleader and number one support. They think you are the most beautiful, graceful, and talented person they’ve ever met. They wish they could just hold you all night. They want to let you know that your relationship is not one sided at all, even though it may come off that way when you two first meet. They just love you so much! They also pick up that you haven’t been emotionally feeling great, they are here to remind you how beautiful of a person you are and why they fell in love with you. They really want to emphasize how true their connection is with you. That’s all Pile 1, I hope this resonated.

Pile 2: Your future spouses higher self wants you to know that whatever struggles your dealing with right now are about to end. They know how amazing you are and are telling you they have 100% faith that you will get through whatever is going on. They are letting you know divine timing is on your side, and things are going unfold into a happy place naturally. They admire how you’ve been handling everything with such grace, they think you are so beautiful/handsome for this. They are telling you to look for signs (birds and rabbits for some reason may resonate) of your union coming closer. Just hold on a little longer! Even outside of your love life, good offers and opportunities are coming to you, and you need to embrace them is what your future spouse is saying. Materially, you are in for a really good time, and it’s going to get even better once they come into your life. Your future spouse is well off, and will try to share this with you by giving gifts and taking you to nice places and such when you first meet/start dating. They are here to tell you that are very excited for you guys to meet and are very excited. That’s all Pile 2, I hope this resonated!

Pile 3: Your future spouses higher self wants your to trust your gut more and believe in yourself! They love every part of you and are asking you to not be so ashamed of yourself. You are a hard and generous worker, and they want you to start recognizing your power and your influence. You bring so much positive energy into your family and friends lives, and especially theirs. They want to tell you they just love you so deeply. They want to let you know when they come into your life, they will rush in so fast. (The Elvis song came to mind lmao). They want you to be patient with them as they are charmer and experienced at love, but have their fallacies sometimes. They like to put you on a pedestal I see. They want to remind you to keep making good choices in your life. Your skill and dedication to things is something they admire and wish for you to keep up. Keep up the good work is what they say! That’s all Pile 3, I hope it resonated!

Pile 4: Your future spouses higher self wants to be more assertive for yourself in love so you can attract them into your life sooner. They are ITCHING to just meet you already. They consider themselves lucky knowing you are their future partner. Your future spouse is saying to keep your standards high and to not settle for breadcrumbs. The relationship they are about to give you will be beautiful and the romance of a lifetime, but you need to trust the process. As you both balance your lives and keep moving forward, the closer this connection gets. You are a natural born leader and they want you to assert and put yourself or there more. You have such a bright future ahead of you right now, and they just wanna tell you that you should be excited and happy. They think that you’ve been doing a good job, but wanted to serve this to you as a huge reminder. You bring so much life and light into people’s lives and you have amazing gifts, they are screaming at you to start using them! That’s all Pile 4, I hope it resonated.

[jackiepackiee]

Hi pooks do could you do romantic headcanons for the flags (anyone you'd like) with a reader that goes absolutely quiet after an argument, but it's not silent treatment, it's just that they've grown so used to it.(totally didn't base it on me, totally not.)

But only if you're comfortable with it of course!

Have a great day or night and take care.

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝐹𝓁𝒶𝑔𝓈 𝓍 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇

𝒬𝓊𝒾𝑒𝓉 𝒶𝒻𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓇𝑔𝓊𝒾𝓃𝑔

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 - 𝒻𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔

𝒯𝓎𝓅𝑒 - 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒸𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓃𝓈

Iceman

The terrifying thing about your arguments is that Iceman is not very talkative

Or expressive for that matter

So when you’re afraid of his reaction, and he doesn’t have any signs of obvious anger or sadness…

Well, it’s scary!

He’s a big guy

So the argument is going… alright

Bad of course, you’re fighting, but it’s not that bad

Until he makes this face

It’s a sorta of distance, anger that he never ever shows

And god, does it set your brain off

Although, only you know that

Because to everyone else, your face is blank and you’re completely silent

He is confused

I mean, that’s his job?!

To be rather stoic, not you!

His lover, he knows you

And he knows this isn’t normal for everyday behavior

The argument ends there

He’s too confused to speak

So… he figures you’re upset

And when he does, he pauses

Then, he hugs you

Pushing back his coat to have your arms wrap his waist

Covering you from the world

He doesn’t know what to do for you other than a hug

A kiss would be too much? And his voice is calming, however he fears that he’ll stumble his words and make things worse

So, a hug

He’ll be okay with silence, as long as you’re okay by the end of it

Pianoman

He’s a good arguer… unfortunately

His authority shows when he fights and it is QUICK to scare

He doesn’t intend this, but work has changed him

He is so used to dealing with men who’s entire job is full of gun shots and shouts being barked orders at

So he forgets that you’re his sweet lover, and can’t handle the very intense energy

If anything confuses him, it’s silence

I mean, the flags are LOUD

Albatross always joking with Doc, Chuuya telling them off. Lippmann practicing lines with Iceman on book

But his lover shouldn’t be silent

He sorta… freezes?

Finally realizes that you haven’t put a word in for the last 5 minutes

It’s just been… nothing

A blank stare, crossed arms, and a closed mouth

He felt bad with a deep feeling inside his chest

He gave you time, thinking you’d need it

He walked out awkwardly

And left you in the apartment

He goes for a drive, and comes back

When you’re still quiet, he decides action is needed

A kiss on your hand and up for arm

Ending on your lips followed by an “I’m sorry”

He pets your cheek, pulling you against him

It’ll be okay

He is VERY happy when you’re back to speaking

But for now… he can live with the silence you desire

Doc

He isn’t the argument type

But he works too hard!!

And you’re so concerned for him

I mean, he is sick himself so he shouldn’t be around others with a weakened immune system

He is stubborn and defensive, much to your dismay

And he isn’t easy to convince

Your concern over takes you

What once caused words to spill from your mouth at him, now made you silent

He thought you needed a second to think

Process your next sentence

But that next sentence never came

He stares at you, but stays silent too

Maybe this is the vibe now?

Forgive him, he’s more physical and not mental

It finally comes to him that you’re not going to talk

He stares at you for a while

Then he turns to his pocket

He gets… a lollipop?

He always gives his patients lollipops when they’re sad, you know this

So you take it with a weary hand

But… it’s so sweet!

By the time you finish it, you are feeling better

You may not speak for the rest of the night

But! You will feel better emotionally

Chuuya

Fights… well they happen

Serious fights are normal, especially for the double whammy of you two being teens and a couple

He tries his absolute best to not yell

But, his resolve is only so strong

He’s naturally loud

His words aren’t that mean, as he saves those for people he thinks deserve them

And you? He would never love a bad person

That doesn’t mean it isn’t hurtful

So… when his voice raises the way it does when he’s talking to an enemy, you freeze

No longer responding

He isn’t how he is with Dazai, not at all

He notices your change the SECOND you stopped

His heart stopped, thinking you’re scared of him!

That’s one of his biggest fears

He needs to you feel safe with him because you are safe

It doesn’t occur to him it’s the argument making you upset, and not him scaring you

You sad eyes look into him

Body vulnerable and shying away

“Hey… I didn’t mean it.”

He isn’t great with apologies, so this is a bit of a shot in the dark for him

And he isn’t sure why you’re quiet, but he hates it

Unless you ask, he won’t leave you alone for a SECOND

“I’m sorry.”

He sorta rambles out a bunch of words

But one string of them sticks out, the last one he says

“I love you.”

That was the first time he said that

He was so scared you feared him, he wanted to confess truth

And that was enough to let you speak again

Albatross

Alby isn’t exactly… emotionally mature

So when your arguments get truly serious instead of mock and banter, it’s a lot

His colder tone, sharp eyes

He obviously forgets how scary he is

There is a certain growl in the bass of his voice

So, for you it’s no surprise that you can no longer say anything

Words don’t even form

And he melts back into his old self

“Baby?”

He walks over to you… and pokes your cheek

Something that always makes you giggle

But no, not even a smile

Internally, he’s freaking out

So, he walks to the kitchen

He gets little note pads and a pen

He asks you to write down anything

How are you feeling?

Is your throat suddenly hurt?

Can you talk, but don’t wanna?

After each, he gives you a cheek kiss

As a sort of reward for communicating

Finally, he picks you up and whisks you to bed

You’ll be okay in the morning, especially with his cuddling

Lippmann

Lippmann is not the type to get into arguments

He is silver tongued and he knows it

It’s quite literally his job at the port mafia

So when you do fight, he’s a bit unhinged

Since the topic has to be very specific or important

If he knows one thing, it’s how to interpret words

Loads of different types of speaking, tone, speed

He’s a master of speech

So silence?

He is confused

How is he supposed to work with this?

And that makes him realize, “I shouldn’t think of my love as another port mafia case. I need to be genuine”

And his real talent comes out

He gives you time

Before simply pulling you with him to the couch

He puts on a movie, and turns the cold silence to something comfortable and warm

What a guy

[seventeenlovesthree]

I also believe it's "Taichi cherishes the people he cares about way too much for him to handle" o'clock again - and even though I would argue that this applies to a huge BUNCH of people, I shall focus on two characters in particular, since this has been quite a topic recently:

Yamato and Koushirou are among those characters who have quite an impact on his mental and emotional stability.

Again, this is not going to be a full-blown analysis, but they're easily the ones he consults first and foremost when he's in a pinch, either (accidentally) emotionally, or because the world is at stake.

Yamato is someone who's way more similar to himself than he's capable of realizing sometimes - which, funnily enough, this may be one of the reasons why they're butting heads so much AND why they're such good partners in combat. Yes, they have a contrasting theme going on - orange vs. blue, fire vs. ice, brunette vs. blonde. But they also both have similar familial traumas, are both stubborn as heck, are both overly protective brothers - and sometimes, they even have their little role reversals: Where Taichi can be quick to act, Yamato may want to contemplate - where Yamato gets emotional, Taichi may want to de-escalate. Even if they may not be able to open up emotionally towards each other all the time, Taichi genuinely wants Yamato and Takeru to get along, because his brotherly instincts are just like that - and even if he wouldn't admit it (and neither would Yamato), he can relate to him big time. And he actually enjoys the casual bickering with Yamato, he absolutely adores teasing and fooling around with him, he knows he can be his dorky self with him, even - or especially - if it grinds Yamato's gears, knowing that he's not a very people-y person. And all that is exactly why Taichi shrivels whenever they are not on good terms. It makes him overthink and get quiet, asking himself if he could have done things differently... Which in itself is a good thing, because it helps him to see things from a different perspective as well. And he means it when he says that he believes in Yamato - because he knows he can rely on him, knows their friendship, their bond will prevail, even if they don't always agree with one another.

Speaking of relying - if Yamato is the one he turns to when it comes to going for the final blow, Koushirou is the one he turns to when he needs to know where to aim. Whether it's about solving card riddles, finding medicine for his sister, finding a way to deal with a mon rampaging through the net or moping about having quarrels with other friends... Taichi may not open up to him easily (and vice versa) and keep Koushirou at arm's length here and there, but he actually knows that he can count on him whenever it matters. The once anti-social boy from football club Taichi took under his wing to invite him to go to Summer Camp together grew into a loyal friend and partner in crime, thus they complement each other as brawns and brains - that's the dynamic Taichi is used to and comfortable with, so he cannot really deal with them being at odds either. Koushirou slowly but steadily becoming a person who opposes Taichi and calls him out on his recklessness may differ from the way Yamato confronts him - but it doesn't hit Taichi any less hard, so he usually backs down and apologizes whenever he crosses a line with Koushirou. He trusts his judgement, his plans and gadgets 100% - and even if the emotional part doesn't come easily to either of them, the bickering (and the lack of awareness of what personal space means) is a sign of mutual comfort and familiarity after all.

Where Yamato is his copilot, Koushirou is his navigator - and they're both pretty damn important to him. One may also say: Taichi is the sun that both melted the ice and made the bug come out from under its rock.

(And that was mainly the platonic angle, because you can basically spin both dynamics into a romantic angle PRETTY easily as well - friends/frenemies to lovers, opposites attract, jock/nerd, choose your favourite trope! Plus, this was just from Taichi's perspective - maybe he just really likes introverts, huh? I feel like it's a lot easier to read Yamato's and Koushirou's perspectives towards Taichi as romantic than the other way round, since they're both so fixated on him in different ways; Yamato's sense of growing closer and more comfortable with other people is seen mostly through him interacting with Taichi and he constantly has him at the back of his mind, first as threat to his way of being a brother, later as a foil and even later as... You know. The closet is an uncomfortable place. And Koushirou, who wouldn't have gone to the Digital World and somewhat resolve his adoption trauma if Taichi hadn't invited him to camp, basically dedicates his entire life to both exploring the whereabouts of the Digital World AND supporting Taichi in every possible way by making goggles and sacrificing his life for his sake, so... There may be a second part soon??? I could also go on a tangent about how Yamato and Koushirou may also represent different layers of Taichi's role and behaviour towards Hikari, but that goes too far right now.)

[rosakuma]

Okay Y’all hear me out…

I know this is WAYYYY too soon due to us not knowing anything more about the Tetro Blue cast besides what we gotten from them in the casting call description and the episode [Departure] of Tetro Pink.

BUT I want to sell you on the potential we could have of Ouno Nanae X Denden Misao (Nanden, denanae,or Ousao maybe for the ship name?)

So going over their descriptions on what their personalities may be like:

Ouno Nanae- Student One is a fairly airheaded and dazed girl who often places way too much trust in others due to a general naivety. She often acts without thinking or knowing all the facts of a situation. She speaks with a sort of lilting and airy voice with a mid to high pitched tone.

Denden Misao- Student Five is a friendly and kind airhead who loves to help people and enjoys the company of others. She tries to stay positive about most things, but can become tired when dealing with people who emotionally drain her. She speaks in a somewhat whispery, soft and kind voice with a slight rasp and a mid-to-high pitch.

Going by these, Nanae and Misao are both seem a bit airheaded, but friendly individuals. Nanae would trust Misao to be around her(mostly due to naivety) and Misao would enjoy her company for the most part along with perhaps looking out for her if she runs into trouble. I can definitely see them form a fast friendship maybe even along with Sou or Ruka too during ch.1 before the murder happens. Super cute pair already!

But wait…there’s more!

With their talents as a contortionist and ice sculptor separately. This would pair nicely as Nanae can do a lot of unique and intricate poses for Misao to use as reference for a new sculpture.

And for angst factors to consider. Seeing how Denden can eventually get tired from being drained from people so to speak. Having to deal with Ouno possibly ending up in dangerous situations(especially if these two make it past ch.1 and realize they need to be careful on who to trust) a lot, it would be so hard on her to deal with this especially if Ouno doesn’t change.

Btw these situations would be very interesting if we add Daiki to the mix as I 100% bet along with Hideyuki, he is going to take advantage of her thanks to her naivety in trust.

This can cause a breakup in their friendship as Denden feels like Ouno not being considerate of her worries for her or anyone worrying about her mental health. Even worse if Ouno chooses to believe in someone like Daiki or anyone else bad in the cast over her in stuff. And if we decided to make this Yuri doomed, instead of Ouno just dying because she trusted the wrong person, her trusting the wrong person lead to her best friend either getting murdered or worse, killing someone because of this. Thus having to cope with if she was just a bit more cautious, more attentive to Denden, none of this would’ve happen….

Anyways I have no proof any of this might happen, but I think it would be cool as yuri pairing. At most, a good friendship to see. Regardless I’m very excited to see these two when Tetro Blue comes out!

I might make another on potential dynamics we could have or hell more crack ships.

Other current crack ships I have rn is Daiki X Nanae, Erina X Noriko, Osamu X Misao, Daiki X Hideyuki, and Ruka X Nanae(man I’m just shipping Nanae a lot huh?)

[forgedsplendor]

Gojo Satoru: or, how the eyes are the windows into the soul.

everyone and their mothers have talked about the kfc breakup scene to hell and back, we've gotten a dozen and more think pieces about the episode on twitter and tumblr and wherever else, but I really needed to add my two cents because it's been on my mind ever since I watched the episode.

something fun I've noticed about mappa's adaption of jjk is the way they animate gojo's technique—specifically in relation to his eyes.

in season one, gojo's eyes were always animated very... otherworldly.

they're always glowing and sparkling in this weird, uncanny way, which is kind of the point: gojo is the six eyes, after all, and considering the anime's animated and colored medium compared to the original manga's black and white, paneled format, it's a good way to adapt and demonstrate gojo's powers in the way the manga cannot. it also serves to visually separate gojo from the rest of the characters; as the strongest, he is different from the rest.

however, when season two's teasers were first released, there's a particularly interesting detail...

... his actually normal looking eyes.

and, yeah! that makes sense. as much as gojo and geto's high school selves love to tout around the title of "the strongest", it's undeniable that compared to his twenty-eight year old self, this gojo is much weaker, incapable of holding up his technique indefinitely, and incapable of using red, hollow purple, his domain expansion, and reverse curse technique: all of which his adult self are using passively.

so, i had personally figured that these were the eyes of an unawakened gojo. that once he mastered reverse curse technique, his eyes would start to glow like his adult self. however... that was not the case! as we can see...

... they still glow! but only when he was using his technique. once he puts it down...

... the glowing fades as well.

especially in these last few screenshots, mappa establishes the difference between "invulnerable" ( untouchable, literally, with his infinity technique up ) gojo and "vulnerable" ( infinity down, so things can now touch him ) gojo, both literally and mentally. ( let's put a pin in that. ) after geto's reassurance gojo physically lets down his defences of his technique, and thinks that that they're safe... leading to toji taking advantage of that naïveté, and the rest is history.

it's important to note both, as it puts his adult self into a new context: we know that after coming back from the dead, gojo's mastery of reverse curse technique allows him to use his infinity indefinitely without frying his brain.

it's funny, because this parallels his way of coping, as we see here:

curse technique reversal: red. the opposite to blue's attract, it instead repels.

after going through the traumatic events of hidden inventory, gojo... feels nothing. he pushes away these feelings, numbing himself to them instead.

he activates his infinity...

... and becomes untouchable. or, in other words...

... invulnerable. ( physically and emotionally. )

at the beginning of episode five, we don't get very many close shots of gojo's eyes, but he is in the middle of demonstrating his new grasp of infinity; in contrast to geto's spiral, the main focus of the episode and premature death as a whole, we get shots of gojo's back, his gaze obstructed by his spectacles, his face obscured entirely...

... or simply just far away.

to be fair, this all is in geto's point of view, and is used specifically to higlight the canyon that's opened up between the two, but the visual language is the same. gojo is untouchable.

well. up until...

though it's hard to see the state of his eyes with his spectacles in the way. but this is very quickly remedied just a few minutes later.

... his eyes are not glowing.

infinity is not activiated. his technique is down. gojo satoru is vulnerable. literally, in the sense that his technique is not in use, because he is dealing with a friend and not an enemy user, and mentally, because he is angry and upset and horrified and in shock in a way he was not with amanai's death.

as we know, gojo is not one to react emotionally. when kuroi was kidnapped, he did not worry: simply thought of another solution. when toji ambushed them, he did not panic: simply asked geto to complete the mission as he stayed behind to fight him off.

however, with geto's defection...

he yells, makes himself bleed.

when amanai died, he'd said he felt nothing. he'd floated in the air, weightless, marveling at the beauty of the world above and around him.

with geto's defection...

while nakamura's voice acting and the incredible animated character acting was more than enough to get his anguish across, using the tells of gojo's technique as well was the icing on the cake.

the eyes are the windows to the soul, after all, and in this moment, intentionally or not, his were blown wide open as his world crumpled apart.

[ink-bunny2]

I think because Aphmau is a self-insert character, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what her personality is, because her personality is just…Jess’s personality. If a little different. Which makes it hard for me to get into Aphmau’s head, to see exactly how she works, what makes her tick—it doesn’t come naturally to me at all, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I wasn’t alone in that regard

Now that I’m finally working on my MCD rewrite, I really want to make sure I get Aphmau’s personality right, especially since she’s literally the protagonist character and likely the most common POV I’ll be using. I want to find a way to copy how watching her POV in-game felt, and make it so that it feels the same when I’m writing the fic. Lately, it hasn’t been feeling the same at all, and that’s mostly intentional, since I want her to evolve into the “unintentionally badass” woman that she is in the canon series. I want her to start off as kind of bright-eyed and naive, similar to Mystreet!Aphmau, as a newcomer to the world whose never seen a lick of war and violence in her life. Mainly because I know she’s going to be exposed to all of that later and fundamentally changed by it. But as I’m studying canon MCD Aphmau and trying to break down everything she does, how she thinks, the choices she makes and the patterns therein that define her, what choices she doesn’t make and what that says about her as a person… I think I have already strayed too far from the original in places.

Additionally, though Aphmau was still significantly emotionally affected by every little heinous thing that happened to her and her people, throughout season 1 she didn’t experience any sudden shift in who she was as a person. I’ve yet to finish rewatching season 2, so I could be wrong, but to me, it more seems like she held herself together and stayed largely the same person. But she was being slowly chipped away emotionally by everything that got added to the pile. From Brendan getting shot to Aaron’s death, it’s like there’s a million different little nicks and cuts in her mental health and psyche that have simply built up over time. Some of those scars are larger than others, like the 15 year timeskip and losing Aaron/Garroth/Laurance, but they all weigh on her psyche and make her progressively more anxious, more careful, more…traumatized? She’s traumatized and she’s not. I’d like to at least headcanon her as traumatized, probably severely by season 3. I’d like to think she’s a woman with the whole entire world on her shoulders and a million ghosts haunting her wherever she goes, and all of this leads to a great deal of stress and anxiety in her day-to-day life that she’s just kinda… Living With. She muscles through it. She keeps going. There are even moments I’m noticing in canon where she doesn’t allow herself to fully dwell on her grief and stress, saying it’s “selfish” to let them consume her, and then moving on to check on literally everyone else in the village and make sure they’re okay first.

Aphmau is a character that’s hard to understand in the broad strokes, like how you can see Laurance’s broad strokes of “Casanova” and “fiercely loyal” and “in love with Aphmau” and make a pretty easy surface mold of what he’s like. It’s like every other character has at least one or two giant, broad strokes of paint on the wall that distinguish them as unique.

Garroth is a gentleman, Kiki loves her animals and can be stubbornly gullible. Donna is sassy, Dale is an alcoholic, Katelyn is fierce, Travis is playful and flirtatious, Aaron is brooding and guarded, Logan has a stick up his ass, so on and so forth. But they all have really easy to find smaller pieces that you can find and study as well. MCD!Katelyn is much more calm and reserved and proper than her Mystreet counterpart, and on occasion waxes philosophical and drinks tea. Kiki has always wanted to be a mother. Brendan is a horse girl. Garroth is terrible at being ~romantically forward~ like Laurance is, and instead he gets flustered and stuttery and shy and struggles to talk about his feelings with others. Laurance is gentle and caring and will tenderly take care of you and nurse you back to health with a mature, gentle warmth that puts his cocky Casanova personality aside, still flirting and teasing every now and then, but only for the purpose of cracking a joke that would make you smile. And then he reminds you right after how fondly he loves you and how he will never, not ever, leave your side.

Laurance grew up not knowing how to talk to girls, and Sasha was the only female friend he could actually speak to and connect with. Garroth checks on Aphmau in the mornings, asking how she slept and reporting back to her on all the duties she has to tend to for the day. Dale is a brilliant accountant, and that’s his calling in life. Zoey used to regularly prepare tea for Aphmau at night to help her sleep. Logan helped Zoey raise Levin and Malachi during the 15 year timeskip and “secretly” very much loves children. You can find all the little kernels of character and personality and heart in all of them.

But for MCD!Aphmau, it’s like she has one single broad stroke. “Helps others, kind, caring.” And everything else is invisible to me. Mystreet!Aphmau might have a second broad stroke, of “silly and childish and whimsical,” a stroke that MCD!Aphmau has much less of. It’s still there, she still teases and cracks dumb jokes on occasion, but it’s dwarfed in comparison by MCD’s more serious, mature tone and the sheer emotional weight of everything she keeps going through. It’s hard to be silly and have stupid fun when you’re fighting for your life, so in a way, MCD!Aphmau had to grow up in a way that Mystreet!Aphmau never had to. Mystreet!Aphmau’s worst problem (before emerald secret) is “oh no! which cute boy am I gonna date?! Gene is so mean to me in highschool!! Gawd, I wish my mom would let me bring boys home without making it weird, jeez.” She gets to keep her innocence. She doesn’t have to grow up and face the brutality of killers and monsters and the cruelty of the gods, and even after When Angels Fall, I don’t see her heavily maturing and growing as serious as MCD!Aphmau already is on main.

So if MCD!Aphmau has one single broad stroke that, for a protagonist, is actually vague as hell to work with, then maybe she’s a character who is revealed by all the little things that slip through the cracks. Maybe I can paint a picture of what she’s truly, really like (not what I want her to be like) by looking at all the little things, and then working inwards from there,,,

I know she’s at the very least a good person. A very good person. Better than canon Garroth, who has far too many asshole tendencies for my liking after the whole Incel Hell Irene Dimension fiasco (also why the FUCK is he racist—) Better than canon Laurance, better than most people honestly. Which is kind of the point, as an Irene. She’s supposed to be inherently a good, pure-hearted soul, whose destiny and sole calling in life is to help everyone around her. She seems to display a great fear and distress over violence and war. She’s always anxious and freaking the fuck out when she’s in combat (during S1), and building up to the Phoenix War, she was absolutely mortified by the idea of going to war, and yet that distress NEVER boiled over into cowardice. She always chose what was right and stuck to it, stubbornly. Even when faced with the worst of dilemmas, she refuses to succumb to her fear and run away, or pick the easy (and scummy) way out. She cares a great deal about the greater good, even if it comes at a devastating cost to achieve, and by god, she’ll achieve it. When presented with the option of fight or flight, she NEVER picks flight. So she’s brave? Has a strong natural sense of justice? Would she ever make cruel sacrifices, if it was for a greater good? I think I at least know that if I presented her with the option of “kill Garroth and Laurance, or save the entire world,” she would refuse the dilemma entirely and go to EXTREME lengths to forge a third option where she gets to keep the world AND her boys, and everyone comes out unharmed. (And in my mind, this is what distinguishes her from the old Irene…)

She is a herald for peace, above anything else. When Scaleswind destroyed her home as an act of violent rage, she didn’t seek revenge or even allow herself to feel vitriol or resentment for the man that attacked her people. Instead, she (cautiously and hesitantly) accepted his pleas for forgiveness if it meant she could have peace for Phoenix Drop. She held him accountable for his crimes, yes, but she forgave him, trusted him with the Phoenix Drop Alliance, and even trusted him with her people. All the while reiterating to him that she is an agent working for peace, and he needs to get on her level if he wants her forgiveness. She even offers care and aid to all of the rotten O’khasis knights that still swear their fealty to Zane. She brings them to court for their crimes, but she also offers them her care and a place to stay if they need it. She believes in justice, but not cruel retribution. The moral high ground isn’t a weapon she uses to bludgeon others with. She draws her strength by pulling others up with her. Even putting her trust in those unworthy of it at times, but that then inspires them to make better choices and pledge themselves to her cause. Even if you were a horrible, terrible person, she refuses to be downright cruel. It’s very rare to see her anger get the best of her (not that I don’t doubt that has happened at least once or twice in the series, I’m just saying it’s not her go-to choice when resolving any conflict). She will always give people the benefit of the doubt.

I know she struggles with sleeping problems, mainly due to her stress. She did for most of the latter quarter of S1 and when I skipped ahead and watched a few snippets of S2, she was STILL bringing up how poorly she slept last night, so like. You could make a case that she has insomnia. She could have insomnia. And PTSD but that’s a given

She finds babies absolutely adorable and has strong maternal instincts. (a connection between this and her great care for Phoenix Drop as a whole could possibly be strung… I don’t think “maternal instincts” is at all why she helps PD though. I think she just does that…because…you should. Because it’s the right thing to do. Obviously. If given the choice to be kind and help someone, she will always pick that choice, because,,,she just does)

you could make an argument that she has dyslexia. if you made a drinking game out of every time she flubbed reading the lines on the screen you would keel over and die by episode 15 I think.

you could make an argument that she needs glasses because Jess wears glasses for the first little while of S1 before she seems to have switched to contacts for the rest of the aphverse

She loves animals and has more animals than she has children

She seems very slow to develop romantic feelings for anyone. I think she only really started to develop little bits of romantic feelings for Garroth come late S1, and for Laurance probably like. around episode 95ish if you’re pushing it early, but honestly she probably only developed feelings for him after the entirety of season 1. after Laurance and her had already become very close and intimate on a platonic level. And any of his flirtatious advances prior to that she CONSISTENTLY responded to with flat out rejection, disgust, exasperation and annoyance with zero romance in sight. meanwhile she’s been very affectionate with Zoey from the beginning and is much more sweet and domestic with her than any of the boys, so like. I can definitely see where all the aroace spectrum aphmau headcanons in the fandom are coming from now and I wouldn’t be surprised if she was some form of demiromantic as well, but that’s straying out of canon aphmau territory and into headcanon land

Her worst fear, confirmed by Malachi, is seeing the entire village be burned to the ground with everyone she loves inside. Seeing Garroth and Laurance and every single villager murdered before she can do anything to stop it. She’s scared of losing them (and wow guess exactly what ends up happening… Garroth gets lost in the Irene dimension…Laurance becomes a cold and cruel shadow knight and she loses him to the nether… Aaron dies and becomes the shadow lord… girlie can just not win. and I’d like to explore more of the deep emotional impact that could’ve had on her—your worst fear is losing everyone you loved, seeing them get torn out of your hands brutally and violently, and..that happens. that happens to her anyway. to all of her boys, individually. there’s no way that’s not traumatic and emotional as hell for her) maybe you could even play into the idea that she has abandonment issues…

Every now and then she shows a few signs of toxic positivity and emotional repression. “Smile and be happy, focus on the work that’s important right now instead of completely and utterly crumbling under the weight of my grief and trauma” type shit. I feel like I can’t help but notice a running pattern that she keeps being presented with dialogue options that are emotionally vulnerable and intimate in some way, usually ones that progress her relationships with others (both romantically and platonically) and express a great deal of care or feeling…and then there’s the exposition dump dialogue option that continues her constant search for information that furthers the plot, and she often chooses that instead. Like for example, in one dialogue option with Aaron, she doesn’t say, “I really care about you, please, can’t you trust me?” Instead, she chooses to say, “What will you do?” Which is much more business talk as opposed to spilling her heart out to people. She seems to apologize for herself whenever she expresses a heightened amount of emotion, especially if it’s sadness or grief or anger, and again, I’d like to point to her taking 90+ fucking episodes to allow herself to feel any sort of intimacy with Laurance, the very man who has been constantly showering her with affection, and not just the dumb flirty stuff!! But like deep, sincere proclamations of “you matter to me,” and “I’ll never leave your side” and “you are my world, aphmau”!!! Bro I would have MELTED into his arms 70 fucking episodes ago if I met a man that talked to me like he does!! But she doesn’t!! SHE KEEPS HIM AT ARMS LENGTH!! THATS NOT NORMAL!!! Especially when EVERY OTHER character in the cast keeps falling in love at first sight. (so intimacy issues? trust issues? probably not trust issues. fear? too much on her mind? demiromantic ?? or probably a mix of all of the above + a dash of headcanon for the sexuality part)

And it’s so fascinating to see what she could say, but doesn’t. And sometimes you’ll even see her hesitate over the other, more intimate dialogue options, and then decide otherwise. It’s utterly fascinating to think that a character hugely defined by her heart might struggle with vulnerability.

She also hesitates over funny options a lot but decides against them because the serious, emotionally mature options are more appropriate and polite for the situation at hand lol. Laurance is a frequent exception to this rule, she will tease him no matter how serious their conversation is lmao (Laurance brings out her more forgotten whimsical side…?)

So on and so forth while I continue my binge rewatch of the entire series and collect more. So far, she seems to be overall: Kind. Gentle. Soft, warm, friendly, forgiving, understanding, merciful, patient. Playful and whimsical, though that’s become more forgotten with time and hardship. Serious, very emotionally mature, very much a source of wisdom among her peers. Inherently strong sense of justice, will always fight for the right thing. Brave and persistent. Refuses to ever back down from a challenge. Probably at least a little emotionally avoidant and I would not be surprised if she struggled with a particularly harsh inner critic. Optimistic. Never lets go of her heart, led by her heart much more than her brain, though that isn’t to say she isn’t smart, she’s not an idiot. Loves animals. Natural leader. Maternal. Insomniac. Probably neurodivergent, possibly aroace, possibly dyslexic, most likely needs glasses. Traumatized, very much so. Very stressed and anxious (please god someone give her a break). Carries the weight of the world on her shoulders but refuses to let herself crumble, even if she is exhausted and worn down and at her limit. you also cannot look at Zoey and Aphmau’s daily interactions and tell me there isn’t at least a little bit of sapphicism going on there. they love each other so much <3 and if not, she is a single mother going through literal actual hell and hanging on by a string but through the force of necessity and probably at least a little bit of toxic positivity and emotional avoidance she will persevere whether she wants to or not

and I will continue to learn more as we go along 👍

[whumptober]

Question for the mods because I'm curious :)

What are all of your fave prompts to write about/draw/edit/whatever creative thing you do??

Thanks for the ask anon! It was really fun for us all to come up with our favourites! And for a little more fun, at the end we've added a poll for you guys to let us know which mod's interests best align with your own!

Kitty - My favourite whump tropes are definitely captivity and torture, followed by burning buildings with of course smoke inhalation and oxygen masks and all that, vehicular accidents, and hypothermia (especially when paired with nearly drowning or falling through ice)! I absolutely adore anything with family feels too, especially found family, and although I don't write it much I love a good bit of enemies to lovers too. Characters dealing with mental health issues can also be very therapeutic for me. And of course my whump needs to have a good amount of comfort at the end, so recovery is a very good trope too!

Also, alternate universes are my jam!

Yenn - I love body horror and I go feral for mouth sewn shut. I don't know why that one fascinates me, but I love the horror and helplessness of it. I also deeply love sleep deprivation, maybe because I'm generally sleep deprived (I have nightmares every night). Coming in at a close third is probably Doomed by the Narrative, but only when it's done well, because I can usually spot it from the opening sequence and the fun becomes figuring out how we'll get to the fall. I'm all hurt, little or no comfort.

Surro - Found family will forever be my favourite trope, especially if the dynamic contains that One Whumpee that ties them all together. Parental figures who just so happen to let the One Whumpee get under their skin are also my jam as it makes the comfort that much sweeter. I go ham for misunderstood/outcast characters who sacrifice themselves for the team (and the team get to them just in time). But I also love writing for emotional angst, characters with anxiety (as it’s therapeutic for me) setbacks in recovery, head injuries, angst surrounding scars, and of course BEDSIDE VIGILS! (Especially if those watching the whumpee are wracked with guilt for abandoning said whumpee)

Personally I lean more towards the platonic/comfort side of Whump, but I make sure my characters go through hell to finally get their respite.

Vanne - I’m really unfaithful to tropes most of the time and normally have about a million WIPs going at once. I normally end up going back to more emotionally charged tropes every time though. I write a lot of doomed romances with a lot of emotional angst. I know that’s super vague, but honestly give me tears, rejection, loneliness and a character’s internal struggles and I’m all set. I’m so up for any kind of emotional trainwreck. I also really cycle through tropes that are relevant in my life at a given time, so it’s hard to list specifics. I’m definitely either all in on the hurt, or all comfort depending on the day. I rarely find a balance between the two.

[wisteria-lodge]

Re the Watsonian explanation for the Longbottoms not at home -- I enjoyed your meta! An interesting insight into Augusta. It made me realize that it never actually occurred to me that them being at Mungos might feel like something that needed to be explained, and I wonder if other people who've seen or done the kind of caregiving this would have involved had the same assumption about it.

Which was: Caring for two adults in the kind of state the Longbottom parents seem to be in at home on your own would be... intense. Emotionally and physically, even with hired help, even with magic, even if they are always (and always have been) as calm as we saw them (which I doubt was the case). And especially when you are not that young yourself, grieving, and suddenly trying to raise a child at the same time. And when you know that whatever you figure out and how you feel about it has to be sustainable every day for the next *60 years*, for the rest of your life and probably another few decades beyond it. For the majority of your grandson's life.

A person could do it, people do, but I think it would have been extremely hard, even for a really well adjusted person dispositionally suited to caregiving who has worked through her grief about her children and has landed on realistic (difficult, devastating, unfairly compromised) expectations for what's left of her life and Frank's and all of Neville's. Which to be clear I don't think Augusta is or has - for a lot of the same reasons you described in your post.

❤

Your point is extremely well taken. Being a full-time caregiver is one of the most difficult and exhausting things a person can do, and Augusta got a really, really rough deal.

That ask about why Frank and Alice are living full-time at St. Mungos was specifically in response to another meta about how the attitudes towards mental healthcare we see in the Wizarding World are very soft-1800s flavored. One of my main talking points when it comes to HP worldbuilding is that wizard society still runs in a very pre-industrial kinda way, taking notes from about 1700-1880. And in the 1800s especially, if you had the means, it was much more a thing to take care of people with mental problems/severe disabilities at home, and either care for them yourself or have whatever help you needed come to you. We see this way of doing things in the way the Dumbledores keep Ariana at home (in a way that *does* evoke the gothic "madwoman in the attic" trope, which is absolutely ties in with this older way of dealing with mental illness.)

So I was answering that that ask a bit more as "why doesn't Augusta Longbottom, as a late 1700s/early 1800s lady of means, who presumably has a large house a la Grimmauld Place or Malfoy Manor, have the staff of St Mungo/some other private hospital teleport over to her as needed and instead making the trip herself?" And seriously, poor Augusta. Whatever she needs. I really hope she has a physical help/support system that's more robust than just her brother Algie.

[the---hermit]

I have not kept it a secret that this semester commuting has been really rough on me. By the time I get home in the middle of the afternoon even if I only had to sit in a hour and a half lecture I feel like an overcooked noodle. And the mornings aren't any easier, my anxiety has been spiking a lot lately, and that messes me up completly, and it's particularly hard on my stomach. Let's just say it's a very demanding period of my life both physically and emotionally and I have been doing my best to get through it with ups and downs, but most importantly by trying to properly take care of myself. I decided to compile a list of small things that have been helping me, both for future reference as well as for people who might be dealing with similar issues.

Prep everything I can the night before. I don't leave the house until more or less mid morning since my class is on lunch time more or less (and this will come up again), so I do have time to do stuff in the morning, but if I have already put everything I need in my backpack, picked an outfit for the day and checked that I have my bus ticket the night before I can have a much calmer morning. Having a calm morning is fundamental for me on any day, so especially when I have a stressful and energy demanding day ahead I want to make sure I don't have to rush, and here is my second point.

Try to have a morning as calm as possible before I have to leave. I am a morning person so I wake up quite early which means I have plenty of time to take it easy. And this means drink my tea as I read my book, prep the last few things I need, like my waterbottle, eat (on which I'll have a later point). Overall my morning before leaving needs to be slow and mostly made of things for myself so again my precious reading time, listening tocmusic as I get ready to get in a better mood and so on.

Taking my meds regularly. It's the logical thing to do, if I am in a period in which my anxiety is worse than usual the number one goal is to be consistent with meds, they are there to help me even if sometimes I forget that.

Finding ways to enjoy food when anxiety fucks up my stomach. What happens is that as soon as I have an anxiety spike for some reason I get very nauseous, which is terribly by itself and it gets worse when it makes me struggle to enjoy my food. But I found a couple of ways to work around that in the past few weeks. Eating when I am away from home is much worse so what I do is embrace the little hobbit in me and have more meals when I am at home, and just bring some snacks on the road if I need them. That means I have two breakfasts before I have to leave the house, the last being a bit more filling. And then when I get home no matter how tired I am or what time it is I cook something for myself, something simple, but I take the time to make something good that fills me up and makes me happy. Because having a full stomach does improve your mood belove me. When I am on the road I bring some lighter snacks that can help me if I feel like I need to have something but that will also work well if I have a spike in anxiety and correlated nausea. I usually eat some homemade bread while I walk from the bus stop to my uni, and then snack on some nuts while I wait for the lecture. And I always have an emergency sweet treat in my backpack because that is something that I actually do on a regular basis. This thing has been working very well, I have had less problems with my stomach acting up, and I am definitely getting all the nutrients I need during the day, just at times that are a bit different from my normal routine.

Bring tea with me. It's something I never did before but it's becoming the one thing I won't give up. I either make a green tea or an herbal tea that I drink before the lecture, and it's been so good for me both physically and mentally. It's been super cold so the warm treat is really needed, but most importantly it's been very comforting and calming, so shutout to my dad for suggesting that.

Having little things to look out for during the commute. This mostly consists of me listing to podcasts, and re:dracula has been of great company in my commutes last year so it's nice it's become a bit of a tradition. It's just good for me not to associate commuting with negative things, so now I just percieve it as poscast time which makes it much much better. This also includes texing friends when I feel like I can look at the screen of my phone without getting car sick (again when anxiety messes me up I can get random car sickness), that's good to keep my mind off things and make the commute feel lighter.

Total relax when I get home. Which sometimes means lying in bed with a cup of tea and nothing more. If I have enough brain power I might read a comic, or play stupid midless games on my tablet for a bit. Honestly just things that need as little energy and brainpower as possible because by that time I do not have much energy or brainpower left, and it's okay. I normally use up a lot of energy when going out and it this period of time all tasks require I use even more energy. I can't do much about it other than accept it and do my best to tke care of myself.

[crystallineloid]

Long post, Many thoughts about altered

• Tsumugi's internal voice is so interesting because (at least in war era) his way of thinking was surprisingly very logical and he seemed more aware of how his friendliness and doormat behaviors put people off, current day he seems more avoidant of facing how that can be a bad trait.

Or maybe because he still kinda struggles to find positive things about himself/like the traits about him others say are 'good'. Or because he feels awkward when different people tell him the same trait is annoying and needs to be changed vs told it's a good, likeable thing.

I love how they wrote him to become more avoidant of facing his negative traits and emotions as time goes on, like now that the veil of dissociation has been lifted, how those things made him feel is more potent and hard to look back at. But then later in Ensemble Square he sometimes starts dottering about something pretty dark about his experiences, like he's getting used to looking at those memories more but still has a weird way of processing it.

• I cannot get enough of the way his slow recovery from serious dissociation and depersonalization is written, how his subconcious methods of dealing with emotional pain and hope and dpdr are always shifting, even in the present day because that's what it's really like to recover from those things! Tsumugi "CHANGE IS NOT LINEAR" Aoba!! His bluebird theme and the Sprout in his signature are tied to this. The whole of switch has this theme of "love ebbs and flows, (and we still stick together) we love each other enough to grow emotionally" going on and it gets me right in my chest.

And say what you will about the 2nd Wish event, but the way believing in 'magic' (which is usually just code for hope or whimsy in enstars) with Natsume and Sora is part of what got Tsumugi out of his depression, after ex-fine had previously ruined the idea of hope and magic for him because it was all a lie... and then in the second wish event he is really moving on from the ex-fine baggage by not making his promise about magic or hope (which fine taught him to doubt) but about commitment and trust instead, so the ex-fine lies and false hope no longer influence his trust in switch's ability to stay together. UM. yeah. Amazing!!

(but I believe there is actual literal magic in the enstars universe and I stand by that)

• Tsumugi back then could be pretty pragmatic, which is also interesting because even though you'd expect someone in a bad place mentally to think irrationally and be heavily influenced by their emotions, when you're dissociating it can be the opposite. Being less influenced by your emotions can make you seem like the practical type and make some decisions seem easier from lack of emotional conflict --

• Which makes it all the more jarring when his thought process switches to the deeper insecurity-riddled schema thought process of "I'm a garbage bug" "I'm a burden" etc etc

this conversation, especially Rei saying "I was just a kid". Oh that stings. BECAUSE HE WAS!!

And this, about Natsume. And Tsumugi's revelation to his emotions and the two talking about his upbringing.

Whatever is going on with these two..

this insane monologue before he started explaining exfine

And Natsume’s feelings towards the other eccentrics.

This story is just so good!!!!

[blindnpretty]

Tw // mentions of corpses, decomposition of them, a little bit of swearing, and straight up talking about my trauma experiences. This post is not tagreted towards anyone, i just wanted to get all of this off my chest.

—

Ok just me yapping about my c-ptsd again

I've been trying to recover for like 2-3 years and it's hella hard for me, ESPECIALLY the triggers. Sometimes you can just discover what is it that triggers you and you can warn people around you about it, but when you can't discover what triggers you, that's the real problem there.

Yeah, people can trigger me even though they don't mean to. Even though i am the one who has it i don't even know half of my triggers, i am still trying to note them down but trust me it's so fucking hard when you lose half of your memory when you go through an episode. Do i get triggered from people talking about my mental illness unless i don't bring it up myself? Yes. Do i get triggered by people telling that i am a bad person? Yes. Do i get triggered by people i recently met are mean to me? Yes. Tbh i don't really give a damn when it's a stranger but when it's someone i just met it just makes me go up the walls.

And trust me, i have MUCH more triggers, but i don't know half of them due to my severe memory loss and shit, and it's so frustrating!! Like, i want to tell someone to stop doing a certain thing but from how absurt that trigger is people will just assume that i am a fuckass "you are faking your mentall illness!" kind of a person.

No, i don't fake any of this bullshit. Why the absolute fuck i would?? Do you think i enjoy starving myself for days because someone said a word that reminded me one of my traumas? Clearly. I'm sorry but people who say that i am "faking it" learns from shit like this:

And then try to assume stuff about me as if they are the ones who have this disorder. I am sorry but i am not going to listen to someone who learns about disorders from stuff like this, and then tells people that they are "faking it", i apologize once more, but do you even realize how harmful it is for us? Especially for c-ptsd since you don't know the half of your triggers and when they occured. There's a critical importance of learning mental illnesses properly. I apologize dearly but everyone deals with mental illnesses different, and you can't assume that people are faking it unless they are very obviously faking it/don't fit the !!very basic!! criteria.

And then there's this feeling i have, when i see something completely traumatic— i go through a lot of suffering, and then that traumatic thing is nothing to me.

Don't ever get me started on how my mom just let me see an extremely decomposed corpse—she used to work as a pathologist til i was 10—it's was horrifying. I was traumatized. That corpse was just carved into my brain. I couldn't sleep for days, i couldn't eat any meat because it just disgusted me. It lasted a few days and now, i am literally just neutral about corpses. I can visit that morgue just fine. And after all of this— people just tell me that i am being heartless, yeah don't go around babbling that i am an "edge lord", this is literally what i go through. I can't feel emotions like a normal person does, i don't feel any pity when i see people suffering, i don't feel love when i see my favorite person, the emotions i can feel intensely—like a normal person does—is fear and anger, expect these two i am completely numb. I don't really know if something is right or wrong unless someone tells me about it or i watch how people react to it, that doesn't make me a bad person, too. I am just saying that i can't understand right and wrong all by myself, however since i desire to be someone who is good, i always try to do the right thing— and by all of this, i am trying to tell you guys that ptsd is not something all about nightmares and flashbacks, it affects the person's way of thinking too. The reason i got my emotions this dulled down was the fact that I've been emotionally traumatized many times. Ptsd is not something you can learn off from the ableist information from google. It can give you correct information, yes. However the information there is very likely to be untrue, especially for personality disorders.

Okay, let me give an example— the most of the information on google says that cptsd lasts under a month, however, I've been dealing with it almost my whole life, only 2-3 years of diagnosis.

"but ismene, how can we learn about i-" i am pretty much sure that there's THOUSANDS of people who have diagnosed mental illnesses, you can always ask them about it on social media. Or maybe you have someone who's diagnosed? Go ahead and talk to them if they are comfortable. Do a deep research about it, and then compare the information you got from couple of diagnosed people and your research— find the same spots. And these same spots are very likely to be true. Researching about a mental illness shouldn't take you five minutes if you do want to understand people who have them. Mental illnesses are something serious and you need to take them serious.

Welp, i guess i yapped a bit too much— i hope all of this bunch of experiences and information does actually helps some people.

[mystery-salad]

6, 11, 16 for Mildew!!!!!!! gimme the juicy details

Juicy mildew coming up ;3c

6. What made them become a couple? What keeps them together?

The moment that made them a couple was when Terizzi would no longer stand by and just watch Quaille deal with the fallout after a dragon kill alone. When she went into the active blast zone from kralkatorrik to carry them out rather than waiting for it to be safe enough for a rescue party. For the first time after a victory, Quaille woke up in its bed instead of on the ground in hostile land. And it was because Terizzi cared enough to change things.

That same care goes a long way to keeping them together, the fact that they're two of a kind but they can be like that with someone who won't be hurt worse for it.

11. Have they ever hurt each other, be it physically or emotionally, intentionally or accidentally?

Oh absolutely. Verbally and emotionally the most, fights in that house aren't great. Terizzi has tried multiple times to get Quaille to retire. Especially once the dragon cycle had ended. But love isn't enough to fix the fucked up mentality that Quaille has on saving the world at the cost of its body. So they fight about it.

These fights get vile at times with Terizzi leaning into how Quaille is falling apart, she once did snatch its respirator off its face and held it out of reach to try and make her point. Other times Quaille will dig into how Terizzi is probably only so obsessed with it because she'll never get to touch another of her own kind without killing them herself. They love each other dearly, but the intimacy does mean it's that much easier to know how to hit hard when you want to.

16. How much do they actually trust each other? Was their trust ever broken? Can it be mended?

They trust each other immensely. There is no doubt in either of them that the other would leave them hanging, and anything right or wrong will be said out loud for them both to hear and process. Trust is what upholds this whole relationship, no matter how bad things get or how awful a fight is.

If that was broken it would be devastating, and no I don't think they could mend it. That would be the end of a lot of hard work ._.

[mrhaitch]

Hello there again,

(X-files anon)

My partner is also a full-time teacher that works almost exclusively in supported learning, but he leans more towards physical and intellectual disabilities rather than behavioural concerns (though he has experience).

My question is, do you experience compassion fatigue and burn out? If you do, how do you handle it?

My partner tends to take on all of the weight from work and it hangs over him pretty bad, he can’t seem to shake it. Especially as it gets closer to the end of the year.

Would you also have any advice for me about providing better assistance at home when he’s feeling like this?

I feel as though i’m there physically for him, cooking and cleaning among other things, but emotionally it’s a little tricky as I am also studying two degrees simultaneously and we’re both utterly exhausted by the end of the day.

Thanks.

Sometimes - especially where individual cases are overwhelmingly bad and it feels like there's no seam to grab onto. Every student will have some crack in their armour, or something solid and stable to hang onto even if everything else is shit.

Unfortunately, for a lot of my students this isn't the case. Some of them are in care, some of them are estranged from an abusive or violent or neglectful parent. Some of them are in the orbit of gangs or have previously been involved with gangs. Some have substance abuse issues, others have cripplingly bad mental health issues and it's a coin toss whether they can hear you when you try to reach out to them.

In a single class I had a student confess they were homeless, that their dad is violent, their mum is taking money from their account, and a whole myriad of stuff.

You do get tired, at the end of the day. Especially when you've spent that whole time being calm while a bunch of kids with conduct disorder are yelling at you because you've decided today's the day they need to work on their spelling when they just want to be plumbers or electricians or mechanics.

Fundamentally what helped me was setting a boundary: I can't help them from home. I don't have access to our safeguarding systems, I can't talk to them, etc. outside of my working hours. From the start of the school day to the end - that is my window to make a difference. In the time between school days I need to take care of myself. I need to go to the gym, read books, work on my novel, spend time with my wife - do anything I can to make myself whole again so I'm ready to be there for them when they need me.

Of course, you'll still find yourself thinking about those students during your downtime and it's important not to beat yourself up for it - but also to keep things practical. Nudge the thoughts towards actions: what am I going to do? What can I do? Rather than going round and round thinking about how shit things are for them.

How to support someone who has to deal with that? The little things. A touch, a cup of coffee with a smile, making two minutes to talk to them about how they're feeling. Those little comforts can really help you step out of your head and remember you're not facing those challenges alone, in the same way that those things make all the difference to students with a difficult life. In a few weeks I've managed to take a bunch of unmanageable students and get them working and progressing just by being calm, praising them when they dig in and work hard, and not browbeating them for being themselves.

They'll be okay.

[raz0rvampire]

Deimos Ramble

This is all my personal viewing of Deimos, most obviously this is 99% fanon, but I just personally want to talk about my view of the character Deimos from Madness Combat! :3

TW: Abuse/Abusive relationships, toxicity

A/N>>>The beginning is mainly about 2bmos because i wrote most of this to my best friend to ramble, but it'll eventually go into deimos's stuff. <<<

Doc and Deimos are those two that hooks up regularly without any commitment because they think they're "too busy to actually commit" while they're focused on fighting against AAHW. There really isn't a purpose to it in the beginning, as it's just a form of pleasure/ways to distract themselves from constant violence. but slowly 2bdamned starts actually wanting to do more things and it kind of jump scares Deimos because Deimos doesn't wants Doc to ACTUALLY having to deal with his genuine self rather than the casual fuck and go. All he's seen so far is a hook up partner, and the hacker out in the field. So, doc is just hanging out around him consistently on the average with no sexual undertones and Deimos is getting mixed signals and eventually he kind of explodes on doc eventually.

I do believe Deimos was abusive towards 2b in the beginning of their relationship. not physically but very mentally and emotionally. This is not an excuse for Deimos treating Doc like shit, it is just very real because in context that his only relationships were- Wasted/Exploited Clone to his brother and then turned into simply being co-workers (mercenaries and assassins). With that, there has never been a proper, emotionally connected relationship in his entire existence.

also yes I do head canon that Deimos is very manipulative and CAN become abusive, he is incredibly flawed from the other characters if you think about it (Other than Hank J Wimbleton.) I mean, he worked as an agent in the AAHW where he was treated a scientific experiment under his brother's power so because of that he expresses the same thing as Phobos. He's used to that power hungry enviroment, that the only way to survive is through expressing control over any situation given. I think slowly throughout time of the series, he becomes that "Goofy" guy but I think in the beginning, it was actually more sadistic than humorous

His only exposure in existence EVER was violence, abuse of power/emotions/and even substances. LIKE, EVER EVER. QUITE LITERALLY. Hank, Doc, and Sanford ALL had exposures to "normal" things. Even though Hank fucked it all up (and is kind of fucked up in general), but he still had those normal experiences because he was already an adult when everything went down in the MC universe. Doc also had that same sort of thing, he's also (although not licensed, but maybe in the past?) very intelligent emotionally and intellectually, he gave in to the thought of dissenting by his own choice, knowing he had one. ANNNDD Sanford had a mother as well (Funny enough in a universe where 'women dont exist/hj') and is seen to express care/connections to all of the rest of the characters through multiple interactions. (Probably a trait from being raised by a loving mother.)

DEIMOS'S ENTIRE EXISTENCE WAS BEING A CLONE FOR THE PURPOSE OF BEING EXTERMINATED IN THE NAME OF KILLING HANK J WIMBLETON. While also sort of being a clone trophy for Phobos.

I LOVE the found family that the main four have turned into, I absolutely adore it, but I personally do not believe that is how they STARTED out. I feel like the tension, especially when Deimos came into the picture, was very very intense.

He's not exactly repressed to his feelings of anger, and in fact, I think he's very used to EXPRESSING those violent and abusive tendencies to his fellow agents I mean, although he was abused, neglected, and exploited he had a higher sort of standing because of being related to Phobos, so he's also experienced in having a controlling role over others. I also think Sanford and Deimos would also have a really hard time (platonically, since this in terms of 2bmos) Deimos would be very controlling of their missions and rushes a lot, and would end up twisting a lot of the things on the way he feels about what happened, rather than actually focusing on it's entirety of what happened. He's so used to expressing his side and controlling the narrative for his benefits.

I feel like we miss this whole chance of Deimos being a very flawed character from his past environment. The chances of writing this character learning through a whole development arc by people who can show him genuine care and the idea of selflessness and ability to develop past who he was is so good. There's no possible way that Deimos was just "so lucky to be a good person amongst all the bad!" NOO!! MAKE HIM FLAWED!! MAKE HIM A BAD PERSON WHO DEVELOPS THE FORM AND LESSON OF SELFLESSNESS IN A SAFE ENVIROMENT!!

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed my idea for Deimos! If anyone has anything to add, that'll be great!

VV my deimos playlist