#it can be emotionally and mentally hard to deal with especially when two things are that strongly opposed

[ruelpsen]

ok TW: me/ntal il/lness and trau/ma mentions (to avoid stuff showing up in tags): but is anyone else in a weird spot like me... i have a re/str/ict/ive E/D but also a feedism kink.. ????? how. why. also. normal/vanilla sex & horny noises kind of gross me out usually unless im in a horny mood and not in a bad trau/ma moment lol. is anyone else like this?

My experiences might not be exactly the same as yours (at least in regard to the first part), but I've been around here long enough to have seen that you are far from alone. I get so uncomfortable so quickly whenever people so much as bring up burping in casual conversation, as normal and/or gross of a thing it is to >99% of the population. It's hard trying to act natural and find a good way to change the subject without feeling awkward...

[vintagetimetarot]

Message from your future spouses higher self 🌹

Hi everyone! It’s been so long since I posted a PAC. So sorry! My mental health hasn’t been great. But I finally mustered up some motivation for a reading today. This is whatever your future spouses higher self wants to bring to light to you. Let’s go! Pick a vinatge image below for your pile. (Side note, a lot of the piles were very similar, so if you feel drawn to more than one, go for it!)

Pile 1: The message your future spouse’s higher self wants to tell you is that that are genuinely so proud on how far you have come in life. They can’t wait to finally meet you, they say that your union isn’t super far away. They want to let you know that once they come into your life, they’ll be your biggest cheerleader and number one support. They think you are the most beautiful, graceful, and talented person they’ve ever met. They wish they could just hold you all night. They want to let you know that your relationship is not one sided at all, even though it may come off that way when you two first meet. They just love you so much! They also pick up that you haven’t been emotionally feeling great, they are here to remind you how beautiful of a person you are and why they fell in love with you. They really want to emphasize how true their connection is with you. That’s all Pile 1, I hope this resonated.

Pile 2: Your future spouses higher self wants you to know that whatever struggles your dealing with right now are about to end. They know how amazing you are and are telling you they have 100% faith that you will get through whatever is going on. They are letting you know divine timing is on your side, and things are going unfold into a happy place naturally. They admire how you’ve been handling everything with such grace, they think you are so beautiful/handsome for this. They are telling you to look for signs (birds and rabbits for some reason may resonate) of your union coming closer. Just hold on a little longer! Even outside of your love life, good offers and opportunities are coming to you, and you need to embrace them is what your future spouse is saying. Materially, you are in for a really good time, and it’s going to get even better once they come into your life. Your future spouse is well off, and will try to share this with you by giving gifts and taking you to nice places and such when you first meet/start dating. They are here to tell you that are very excited for you guys to meet and are very excited. That’s all Pile 2, I hope this resonated!

Pile 3: Your future spouses higher self wants your to trust your gut more and believe in yourself! They love every part of you and are asking you to not be so ashamed of yourself. You are a hard and generous worker, and they want you to start recognizing your power and your influence. You bring so much positive energy into your family and friends lives, and especially theirs. They want to tell you they just love you so deeply. They want to let you know when they come into your life, they will rush in so fast. (The Elvis song came to mind lmao). They want you to be patient with them as they are charmer and experienced at love, but have their fallacies sometimes. They like to put you on a pedestal I see. They want to remind you to keep making good choices in your life. Your skill and dedication to things is something they admire and wish for you to keep up. Keep up the good work is what they say! That’s all Pile 3, I hope it resonated!

Pile 4: Your future spouses higher self wants to be more assertive for yourself in love so you can attract them into your life sooner. They are ITCHING to just meet you already. They consider themselves lucky knowing you are their future partner. Your future spouse is saying to keep your standards high and to not settle for breadcrumbs. The relationship they are about to give you will be beautiful and the romance of a lifetime, but you need to trust the process. As you both balance your lives and keep moving forward, the closer this connection gets. You are a natural born leader and they want you to assert and put yourself or there more. You have such a bright future ahead of you right now, and they just wanna tell you that you should be excited and happy. They think that you’ve been doing a good job, but wanted to serve this to you as a huge reminder. You bring so much life and light into people’s lives and you have amazing gifts, they are screaming at you to start using them! That’s all Pile 4, I hope it resonated.

[jackiepackiee]

Hi pooks do could you do romantic headcanons for the flags (anyone you'd like) with a reader that goes absolutely quiet after an argument, but it's not silent treatment, it's just that they've grown so used to it.(totally didn't base it on me, totally not.)

But only if you're comfortable with it of course!

Have a great day or night and take care.

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝐹𝓁𝒶𝑔𝓈 𝓍 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇

𝒬𝓊𝒾𝑒𝓉 𝒶𝒻𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓇𝑔𝓊𝒾𝓃𝑔

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 - 𝒻𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔

𝒯𝓎𝓅𝑒 - 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒸𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓃𝓈

Iceman

The terrifying thing about your arguments is that Iceman is not very talkative

Or expressive for that matter

So when you’re afraid of his reaction, and he doesn’t have any signs of obvious anger or sadness…

Well, it’s scary!

He’s a big guy

So the argument is going… alright

Bad of course, you’re fighting, but it’s not that bad

Until he makes this face

It’s a sorta of distance, anger that he never ever shows

And god, does it set your brain off

Although, only you know that

Because to everyone else, your face is blank and you’re completely silent

He is confused

I mean, that’s his job?!

To be rather stoic, not you!

His lover, he knows you

And he knows this isn’t normal for everyday behavior

The argument ends there

He’s too confused to speak

So… he figures you’re upset

And when he does, he pauses

Then, he hugs you

Pushing back his coat to have your arms wrap his waist

Covering you from the world

He doesn’t know what to do for you other than a hug

A kiss would be too much? And his voice is calming, however he fears that he’ll stumble his words and make things worse

So, a hug

He’ll be okay with silence, as long as you’re okay by the end of it

Pianoman

He’s a good arguer… unfortunately

His authority shows when he fights and it is QUICK to scare

He doesn’t intend this, but work has changed him

He is so used to dealing with men who’s entire job is full of gun shots and shouts being barked orders at

So he forgets that you’re his sweet lover, and can’t handle the very intense energy

If anything confuses him, it’s silence

I mean, the flags are LOUD

Albatross always joking with Doc, Chuuya telling them off. Lippmann practicing lines with Iceman on book

But his lover shouldn’t be silent

He sorta… freezes?

Finally realizes that you haven’t put a word in for the last 5 minutes

It’s just been… nothing

A blank stare, crossed arms, and a closed mouth

He felt bad with a deep feeling inside his chest

He gave you time, thinking you’d need it

He walked out awkwardly

And left you in the apartment

He goes for a drive, and comes back

When you’re still quiet, he decides action is needed

A kiss on your hand and up for arm

Ending on your lips followed by an “I’m sorry”

He pets your cheek, pulling you against him

It’ll be okay

He is VERY happy when you’re back to speaking

But for now… he can live with the silence you desire

Doc

He isn’t the argument type

But he works too hard!!

And you’re so concerned for him

I mean, he is sick himself so he shouldn’t be around others with a weakened immune system

He is stubborn and defensive, much to your dismay

And he isn’t easy to convince

Your concern over takes you

What once caused words to spill from your mouth at him, now made you silent

He thought you needed a second to think

Process your next sentence

But that next sentence never came

He stares at you, but stays silent too

Maybe this is the vibe now?

Forgive him, he’s more physical and not mental

It finally comes to him that you’re not going to talk

He stares at you for a while

Then he turns to his pocket

He gets… a lollipop?

He always gives his patients lollipops when they’re sad, you know this

So you take it with a weary hand

But… it’s so sweet!

By the time you finish it, you are feeling better

You may not speak for the rest of the night

But! You will feel better emotionally

Chuuya

Fights… well they happen

Serious fights are normal, especially for the double whammy of you two being teens and a couple

He tries his absolute best to not yell

But, his resolve is only so strong

He’s naturally loud

His words aren’t that mean, as he saves those for people he thinks deserve them

And you? He would never love a bad person

That doesn’t mean it isn’t hurtful

So… when his voice raises the way it does when he’s talking to an enemy, you freeze

No longer responding

He isn’t how he is with Dazai, not at all

He notices your change the SECOND you stopped

His heart stopped, thinking you’re scared of him!

That’s one of his biggest fears

He needs to you feel safe with him because you are safe

It doesn’t occur to him it’s the argument making you upset, and not him scaring you

You sad eyes look into him

Body vulnerable and shying away

“Hey… I didn’t mean it.”

He isn’t great with apologies, so this is a bit of a shot in the dark for him

And he isn’t sure why you’re quiet, but he hates it

Unless you ask, he won’t leave you alone for a SECOND

“I’m sorry.”

He sorta rambles out a bunch of words

But one string of them sticks out, the last one he says

“I love you.”

That was the first time he said that

He was so scared you feared him, he wanted to confess truth

And that was enough to let you speak again

Albatross

Alby isn’t exactly… emotionally mature

So when your arguments get truly serious instead of mock and banter, it’s a lot

His colder tone, sharp eyes

He obviously forgets how scary he is

There is a certain growl in the bass of his voice

So, for you it’s no surprise that you can no longer say anything

Words don’t even form

And he melts back into his old self

“Baby?”

He walks over to you… and pokes your cheek

Something that always makes you giggle

But no, not even a smile

Internally, he’s freaking out

So, he walks to the kitchen

He gets little note pads and a pen

He asks you to write down anything

How are you feeling?

Is your throat suddenly hurt?

Can you talk, but don’t wanna?

After each, he gives you a cheek kiss

As a sort of reward for communicating

Finally, he picks you up and whisks you to bed

You’ll be okay in the morning, especially with his cuddling

Lippmann

Lippmann is not the type to get into arguments

He is silver tongued and he knows it

It’s quite literally his job at the port mafia

So when you do fight, he’s a bit unhinged

Since the topic has to be very specific or important

If he knows one thing, it’s how to interpret words

Loads of different types of speaking, tone, speed

He’s a master of speech

So silence?

He is confused

How is he supposed to work with this?

And that makes him realize, “I shouldn’t think of my love as another port mafia case. I need to be genuine”

And his real talent comes out

He gives you time

Before simply pulling you with him to the couch

He puts on a movie, and turns the cold silence to something comfortable and warm

What a guy

[forgedsplendor]

Gojo Satoru: or, how the eyes are the windows into the soul.

everyone and their mothers have talked about the kfc breakup scene to hell and back, we've gotten a dozen and more think pieces about the episode on twitter and tumblr and wherever else, but I really needed to add my two cents because it's been on my mind ever since I watched the episode.

something fun I've noticed about mappa's adaption of jjk is the way they animate gojo's technique—specifically in relation to his eyes.

in season one, gojo's eyes were always animated very... otherworldly.

they're always glowing and sparkling in this weird, uncanny way, which is kind of the point: gojo is the six eyes, after all, and considering the anime's animated and colored medium compared to the original manga's black and white, paneled format, it's a good way to adapt and demonstrate gojo's powers in the way the manga cannot. it also serves to visually separate gojo from the rest of the characters; as the strongest, he is different from the rest.

however, when season two's teasers were first released, there's a particularly interesting detail...

... his actually normal looking eyes.

and, yeah! that makes sense. as much as gojo and geto's high school selves love to tout around the title of "the strongest", it's undeniable that compared to his twenty-eight year old self, this gojo is much weaker, incapable of holding up his technique indefinitely, and incapable of using red, hollow purple, his domain expansion, and reverse curse technique: all of which his adult self are using passively.

so, i had personally figured that these were the eyes of an unawakened gojo. that once he mastered reverse curse technique, his eyes would start to glow like his adult self. however... that was not the case! as we can see...

... they still glow! but only when he was using his technique. once he puts it down...

... the glowing fades as well.

especially in these last few screenshots, mappa establishes the difference between "invulnerable" ( untouchable, literally, with his infinity technique up ) gojo and "vulnerable" ( infinity down, so things can now touch him ) gojo, both literally and mentally. ( let's put a pin in that. ) after geto's reassurance gojo physically lets down his defences of his technique, and thinks that that they're safe... leading to toji taking advantage of that naïveté, and the rest is history.

it's important to note both, as it puts his adult self into a new context: we know that after coming back from the dead, gojo's mastery of reverse curse technique allows him to use his infinity indefinitely without frying his brain.

it's funny, because this parallels his way of coping, as we see here:

curse technique reversal: red. the opposite to blue's attract, it instead repels.

after going through the traumatic events of hidden inventory, gojo... feels nothing. he pushes away these feelings, numbing himself to them instead.

he activates his infinity...

... and becomes untouchable. or, in other words...

... invulnerable. ( physically and emotionally. )

at the beginning of episode five, we don't get very many close shots of gojo's eyes, but he is in the middle of demonstrating his new grasp of infinity; in contrast to geto's spiral, the main focus of the episode and premature death as a whole, we get shots of gojo's back, his gaze obstructed by his spectacles, his face obscured entirely...

... or simply just far away.

to be fair, this all is in geto's point of view, and is used specifically to higlight the canyon that's opened up between the two, but the visual language is the same. gojo is untouchable.

well. up until...

though it's hard to see the state of his eyes with his spectacles in the way. but this is very quickly remedied just a few minutes later.

... his eyes are not glowing.

infinity is not activiated. his technique is down. gojo satoru is vulnerable. literally, in the sense that his technique is not in use, because he is dealing with a friend and not an enemy user, and mentally, because he is angry and upset and horrified and in shock in a way he was not with amanai's death.

as we know, gojo is not one to react emotionally. when kuroi was kidnapped, he did not worry: simply thought of another solution. when toji ambushed them, he did not panic: simply asked geto to complete the mission as he stayed behind to fight him off.

however, with geto's defection...

he yells, makes himself bleed.

when amanai died, he'd said he felt nothing. he'd floated in the air, weightless, marveling at the beauty of the world above and around him.

with geto's defection...

while nakamura's voice acting and the incredible animated character acting was more than enough to get his anguish across, using the tells of gojo's technique as well was the icing on the cake.

the eyes are the windows to the soul, after all, and in this moment, intentionally or not, his were blown wide open as his world crumpled apart.

[iridiss]

I think because Aphmau is a self-insert character, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what her personality is, because her personality is just…Jess’s personality. If a little different. Which makes it hard for me to get into Aphmau’s head, to see exactly how she works, what makes her tick—it doesn’t come naturally to me at all, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I wasn’t alone in that regard

Now that I’m finally working on my MCD rewrite, I really want to make sure I get Aphmau’s personality right, especially since she’s literally the protagonist character and likely the most common POV I’ll be using. I want to find a way to copy how watching her POV in-game felt, and make it so that it feels the same when I’m writing the fic. Lately, it hasn’t been feeling the same at all, and that’s mostly intentional, since I want her to evolve into the “unintentionally badass” woman that she is in the canon series. I want her to start off as kind of bright-eyed and naive, similar to Mystreet!Aphmau, as a newcomer to the world whose never seen a lick of war and violence in her life. Mainly because I know she’s going to be exposed to all of that later and fundamentally changed by it. But as I’m studying canon MCD Aphmau and trying to break down everything she does, how she thinks, the choices she makes and the patterns therein that define her, what choices she doesn’t make and what that says about her as a person… I think I have already strayed too far from the original in places.

Additionally, though Aphmau was still significantly emotionally affected by every little heinous thing that happened to her and her people, throughout season 1 she didn’t experience any sudden shift in who she was as a person. I’ve yet to finish rewatching season 2, so I could be wrong, but to me, it more seems like she held herself together and stayed largely the same person. But she was being slowly chipped away emotionally by everything that got added to the pile. From Brendan getting shot to Aaron’s death, it’s like there’s a million different little nicks and cuts in her mental health and psyche that have simply built up over time. Some of those scars are larger than others, like the 15 year timeskip and losing Aaron/Garroth/Laurance, but they all weigh on her psyche and make her progressively more anxious, more careful, more…traumatized? She’s traumatized and she’s not. I’d like to at least headcanon her as traumatized, probably severely by season 3. I’d like to think she’s a woman with the whole entire world on her shoulders and a million ghosts haunting her wherever she goes, and all of this leads to a great deal of stress and anxiety in her day-to-day life that she’s just kinda… Living With. She muscles through it. She keeps going. There are even moments I’m noticing in canon where she doesn’t allow herself to fully dwell on her grief and stress, saying it’s “selfish” to let them consume her, and then moving on to check on literally everyone else in the village and make sure they’re okay first.

Aphmau is a character that’s hard to understand in the broad strokes, like how you can see Laurance’s broad strokes of “Casanova” and “fiercely loyal” and “in love with Aphmau” and make a pretty easy surface mold of what he’s like. It’s like every other character has at least one or two giant, broad strokes of paint on the wall that distinguish them as unique.

Garroth is a gentleman, Kiki loves her animals and can be stubbornly gullible. Donna is sassy, Dale is an alcoholic, Katelyn is fierce, Travis is playful and flirtatious, Aaron is brooding and guarded, Logan has a stick up his ass, so on and so forth. But they all have really easy to find smaller pieces that you can find and study as well. MCD!Katelyn is much more calm and reserved and proper than her Mystreet counterpart, and on occasion waxes philosophical and drinks tea. Kiki has always wanted to be a mother. Brendan is a horse girl. Garroth is terrible at being ~romantically forward~ like Laurance is, and instead he gets flustered and stuttery and shy and struggles to talk about his feelings with others. Laurance is gentle and caring and will tenderly take care of you and nurse you back to health with a mature, gentle warmth that puts his cocky Casanova personality aside, still flirting and teasing every now and then, but only for the purpose of cracking a joke that would make you smile. And then he reminds you right after how fondly he loves you and how he will never, not ever, leave your side.

Laurance grew up not knowing how to talk to girls, and Sasha was the only female friend he could actually speak to and connect with. Garroth checks on Aphmau in the mornings, asking how she slept and reporting back to her on all the duties she has to tend to for the day. Dale is a brilliant accountant, and that’s his calling in life. Zoey used to regularly prepare tea for Aphmau at night to help her sleep. Logan helped Zoey raise Levin and Malachi during the 15 year timeskip and “secretly” very much loves children. You can find all the little kernels of character and personality and heart in all of them.

But for MCD!Aphmau, it’s like she has one single broad stroke. “Helps others, kind, caring.” And everything else is invisible to me. Mystreet!Aphmau might have a second broad stroke, of “silly and childish and whimsical,” a stroke that MCD!Aphmau has much less of. It’s still there, she still teases and cracks dumb jokes on occasion, but it’s dwarfed in comparison by MCD’s more serious, mature tone and the sheer emotional weight of everything she keeps going through. It’s hard to be silly and have stupid fun when you’re fighting for your life, so in a way, MCD!Aphmau had to grow up in a way that Mystreet!Aphmau never had to. Mystreet!Aphmau’s worst problem (before emerald secret) is “oh no! which cute boy am I gonna date?! Gene is so mean to me in highschool!! Gawd, I wish my mom would let me bring boys home without making it weird, jeez.” She gets to keep her innocence. She doesn’t have to grow up and face the brutality of killers and monsters and the cruelty of the gods, and even after When Angels Fall, I don’t see her heavily maturing and growing as serious as MCD!Aphmau already is on main.

So if MCD!Aphmau has one single broad stroke that, for a protagonist, is actually vague as hell to work with, then maybe she’s a character who is revealed by all the little things that slip through the cracks. Maybe I can paint a picture of what she’s truly, really like (not what I want her to be like) by looking at all the little things, and then working inwards from there,,,

I know she’s at the very least a good person. A very good person. Better than canon Garroth, who has far too many asshole tendencies for my liking after the whole Incel Hell Irene Dimension fiasco (also why the FUCK is he racist—) Better than canon Laurance, better than most people honestly. Which is kind of the point, as an Irene. She’s supposed to be inherently a good, pure-hearted soul, whose destiny and sole calling in life is to help everyone around her. She seems to display a great fear and distress over violence and war. She’s always anxious and freaking the fuck out when she’s in combat (during S1), and building up to the Phoenix War, she was absolutely mortified by the idea of going to war, and yet that distress NEVER boiled over into cowardice. She always chose what was right and stuck to it, stubbornly. Even when faced with the worst of dilemmas, she refuses to succumb to her fear and run away, or pick the easy (and scummy) way out. She cares a great deal about the greater good, even if it comes at a devastating cost to achieve, and by god, she’ll achieve it. When presented with the option of fight or flight, she NEVER picks flight. So she’s brave? Has a strong natural sense of justice? Would she ever make cruel sacrifices, if it was for a greater good? I think I at least know that if I presented her with the option of “kill Garroth and Laurance, or save the entire world,” she would refuse the dilemma entirely and go to EXTREME lengths to forge a third option where she gets to keep the world AND her boys, and everyone comes out unharmed. (And in my mind, this is what distinguishes her from the old Irene…)

She is a herald for peace, above anything else. When Scaleswind destroyed her home as an act of violent rage, she didn’t seek revenge or even allow herself to feel vitriol or resentment for the man that attacked her people. Instead, she (cautiously and hesitantly) accepted his pleas for forgiveness if it meant she could have peace for Phoenix Drop. She held him accountable for his crimes, yes, but she forgave him, trusted him with the Phoenix Drop Alliance, and even trusted him with her people. All the while reiterating to him that she is an agent working for peace, and he needs to get on her level if he wants her forgiveness. She even offers care and aid to all of the rotten O’khasis knights that still swear their fealty to Zane. She brings them to court for their crimes, but she also offers them her care and a place to stay if they need it. She believes in justice, but not cruel retribution. The moral high ground isn’t a weapon she uses to bludgeon others with. She draws her strength by pulling others up with her. Even putting her trust in those unworthy of it at times, but that then inspires them to make better choices and pledge themselves to her cause. Even if you were a horrible, terrible person, she refuses to be downright cruel. It’s very rare to see her anger get the best of her (not that I don’t doubt that has happened at least once or twice in the series, I’m just saying it’s not her go-to choice when resolving any conflict). She will always give people the benefit of the doubt.

I know she struggles with sleeping problems, mainly due to her stress. She did for most of the latter quarter of S1 and when I skipped ahead and watched a few snippets of S2, she was STILL bringing up how poorly she slept last night, so like. You could make a case that she has insomnia. She could have insomnia. And PTSD but that’s a given

She finds babies absolutely adorable and has strong maternal instincts. (a connection between this and her great care for Phoenix Drop as a whole could possibly be strung… I don’t think “maternal instincts” is at all why she helps PD though. I think she just does that…because…you should. Because it’s the right thing to do. Obviously. If given the choice to be kind and help someone, she will always pick that choice, because,,,she just does)

you could make an argument that she has dyslexia. if you made a drinking game out of every time she flubbed reading the lines on the screen you would keel over and die by episode 15 I think.

you could make an argument that she needs glasses because Jess wears glasses for the first little while of S1 before she seems to have switched to contacts for the rest of the aphverse

She loves animals and has more animals than she has children

She seems very slow to develop romantic feelings for anyone. I think she only really started to develop little bits of romantic feelings for Garroth come late S1, and for Laurance probably like. around episode 95ish if you’re pushing it early, but honestly she probably only developed feelings for him after the entirety of season 1. after Laurance and her had already become very close and intimate on a platonic level. And any of his flirtatious advances prior to that she CONSISTENTLY responded to with flat out rejection, disgust, exasperation and annoyance with zero romance in sight. meanwhile she’s been very affectionate with Zoey from the beginning and is much more sweet and domestic with her than any of the boys, so like. I can definitely see where all the aroace spectrum aphmau headcanons in the fandom are coming from now and I wouldn’t be surprised if she was some form of demiromantic as well, but that’s straying out of canon aphmau territory and into headcanon land

Her worst fear, confirmed by Malachi, is seeing the entire village be burned to the ground with everyone she loves inside. Seeing Garroth and Laurance and every single villager murdered before she can do anything to stop it. She’s scared of losing them (and wow guess exactly what ends up happening… Garroth gets lost in the Irene dimension…Laurance becomes a cold and cruel shadow knight and she loses him to the nether… Aaron dies and becomes the shadow lord… girlie can just not win. and I’d like to explore more of the deep emotional impact that could’ve had on her—your worst fear is losing everyone you loved, seeing them get torn out of your hands brutally and violently, and..that happens. that happens to her anyway. to all of her boys, individually. there’s no way that’s not traumatic and emotional as hell for her) maybe you could even play into the idea that she has abandonment issues…

Every now and then she shows a few signs of toxic positivity and emotional repression. “Smile and be happy, focus on the work that’s important right now instead of completely and utterly crumbling under the weight of my grief and trauma” type shit. I feel like I can’t help but notice a running pattern that she keeps being presented with dialogue options that are emotionally vulnerable and intimate in some way, usually ones that progress her relationships with others (both romantically and platonically) and express a great deal of care or feeling…and then there’s the exposition dump dialogue option that continues her constant search for information that furthers the plot, and she often chooses that instead. Like for example, in one dialogue option with Aaron, she doesn’t say, “I really care about you, please, can’t you trust me?” Instead, she chooses to say, “What will you do?” Which is much more business talk as opposed to spilling her heart out to people. She seems to apologize for herself whenever she expresses a heightened amount of emotion, especially if it’s sadness or grief or anger, and again, I’d like to point to her taking 90+ fucking episodes to allow herself to feel any sort of intimacy with Laurance, the very man who has been constantly showering her with affection, and not just the dumb flirty stuff!! But like deep, sincere proclamations of “you matter to me,” and “I’ll never leave your side” and “you are my world, aphmau”!!! Bro I would have MELTED into his arms 70 fucking episodes ago if I met a man that talked to me like he does!! But she doesn’t!! SHE KEEPS HIM AT ARMS LENGTH!! THATS NOT NORMAL!!! Especially when EVERY OTHER character in the cast keeps falling in love at first sight. (so intimacy issues? trust issues? probably not trust issues. fear? too much on her mind? demiromantic ?? or probably a mix of all of the above + a dash of headcanon for the sexuality part)

And it’s so fascinating to see what she could say, but doesn’t. And sometimes you’ll even see her hesitate over the other, more intimate dialogue options, and then decide otherwise. It’s utterly fascinating to think that a character hugely defined by her heart might struggle with vulnerability.

She also hesitates over funny options a lot but decides against them because the serious, emotionally mature options are more appropriate and polite for the situation at hand lol. Laurance is a frequent exception to this rule, she will tease him no matter how serious their conversation is lmao (Laurance brings out her more forgotten whimsical side…?)

So on and so forth while I continue my binge rewatch of the entire series and collect more. So far, she seems to be overall: Kind. Gentle. Soft, warm, friendly, forgiving, understanding, merciful, patient. Playful and whimsical, though that’s become more forgotten with time and hardship. Serious, very emotionally mature, very much a source of wisdom among her peers. Inherently strong sense of justice, will always fight for the right thing. Brave and persistent. Refuses to ever back down from a challenge. Probably at least a little emotionally avoidant and I would not be surprised if she struggled with a particularly harsh inner critic. Optimistic. Never lets go of her heart, led by her heart much more than her brain, though that isn’t to say she isn’t smart, she’s not an idiot. Loves animals. Natural leader. Maternal. Insomniac. Probably neurodivergent, possibly aroace, possibly dyslexic, most likely needs glasses. Traumatized, very much so. Very stressed and anxious (please god someone give her a break). Carries the weight of the world on her shoulders but refuses to let herself crumble, even if she is exhausted and worn down and at her limit. you also cannot look at Zoey and Aphmau’s daily interactions and tell me there isn’t at least a little bit of sapphicism going on there. they love each other so much <3 and if not, she is a single mother going through literal actual hell and hanging on by a string but through the force of necessity and probably at least a little bit of toxic positivity and emotional avoidance she will persevere whether she wants to or not

and I will continue to learn more as we go along 👍

[whumptober]

Question for the mods because I'm curious :)

What are all of your fave prompts to write about/draw/edit/whatever creative thing you do??

Thanks for the ask anon! It was really fun for us all to come up with our favourites! And for a little more fun, at the end we've added a poll for you guys to let us know which mod's interests best align with your own!

Kitty - My favourite whump tropes are definitely captivity and torture, followed by burning buildings with of course smoke inhalation and oxygen masks and all that, vehicular accidents, and hypothermia (especially when paired with nearly drowning or falling through ice)! I absolutely adore anything with family feels too, especially found family, and although I don't write it much I love a good bit of enemies to lovers too. Characters dealing with mental health issues can also be very therapeutic for me. And of course my whump needs to have a good amount of comfort at the end, so recovery is a very good trope too!

Also, alternate universes are my jam!

Yenn - I love body horror and I go feral for mouth sewn shut. I don't know why that one fascinates me, but I love the horror and helplessness of it. I also deeply love sleep deprivation, maybe because I'm generally sleep deprived (I have nightmares every night). Coming in at a close third is probably Doomed by the Narrative, but only when it's done well, because I can usually spot it from the opening sequence and the fun becomes figuring out how we'll get to the fall. I'm all hurt, little or no comfort.

Surro - Found family will forever be my favourite trope, especially if the dynamic contains that One Whumpee that ties them all together. Parental figures who just so happen to let the One Whumpee get under their skin are also my jam as it makes the comfort that much sweeter. I go ham for misunderstood/outcast characters who sacrifice themselves for the team (and the team get to them just in time). But I also love writing for emotional angst, characters with anxiety (as it’s therapeutic for me) setbacks in recovery, head injuries, angst surrounding scars, and of course BEDSIDE VIGILS! (Especially if those watching the whumpee are wracked with guilt for abandoning said whumpee)

Personally I lean more towards the platonic/comfort side of Whump, but I make sure my characters go through hell to finally get their respite.

Vanne - I’m really unfaithful to tropes most of the time and normally have about a million WIPs going at once. I normally end up going back to more emotionally charged tropes every time though. I write a lot of doomed romances with a lot of emotional angst. I know that’s super vague, but honestly give me tears, rejection, loneliness and a character’s internal struggles and I’m all set. I’m so up for any kind of emotional trainwreck. I also really cycle through tropes that are relevant in my life at a given time, so it’s hard to list specifics. I’m definitely either all in on the hurt, or all comfort depending on the day. I rarely find a balance between the two.

[the---hermit]

I have not kept it a secret that this semester commuting has been really rough on me. By the time I get home in the middle of the afternoon even if I only had to sit in a hour and a half lecture I feel like an overcooked noodle. And the mornings aren't any easier, my anxiety has been spiking a lot lately, and that messes me up completly, and it's particularly hard on my stomach. Let's just say it's a very demanding period of my life both physically and emotionally and I have been doing my best to get through it with ups and downs, but most importantly by trying to properly take care of myself. I decided to compile a list of small things that have been helping me, both for future reference as well as for people who might be dealing with similar issues.

Prep everything I can the night before. I don't leave the house until more or less mid morning since my class is on lunch time more or less (and this will come up again), so I do have time to do stuff in the morning, but if I have already put everything I need in my backpack, picked an outfit for the day and checked that I have my bus ticket the night before I can have a much calmer morning. Having a calm morning is fundamental for me on any day, so especially when I have a stressful and energy demanding day ahead I want to make sure I don't have to rush, and here is my second point.

Try to have a morning as calm as possible before I have to leave. I am a morning person so I wake up quite early which means I have plenty of time to take it easy. And this means drink my tea as I read my book, prep the last few things I need, like my waterbottle, eat (on which I'll have a later point). Overall my morning before leaving needs to be slow and mostly made of things for myself so again my precious reading time, listening tocmusic as I get ready to get in a better mood and so on.

Taking my meds regularly. It's the logical thing to do, if I am in a period in which my anxiety is worse than usual the number one goal is to be consistent with meds, they are there to help me even if sometimes I forget that.

Finding ways to enjoy food when anxiety fucks up my stomach. What happens is that as soon as I have an anxiety spike for some reason I get very nauseous, which is terribly by itself and it gets worse when it makes me struggle to enjoy my food. But I found a couple of ways to work around that in the past few weeks. Eating when I am away from home is much worse so what I do is embrace the little hobbit in me and have more meals when I am at home, and just bring some snacks on the road if I need them. That means I have two breakfasts before I have to leave the house, the last being a bit more filling. And then when I get home no matter how tired I am or what time it is I cook something for myself, something simple, but I take the time to make something good that fills me up and makes me happy. Because having a full stomach does improve your mood belove me. When I am on the road I bring some lighter snacks that can help me if I feel like I need to have something but that will also work well if I have a spike in anxiety and correlated nausea. I usually eat some homemade bread while I walk from the bus stop to my uni, and then snack on some nuts while I wait for the lecture. And I always have an emergency sweet treat in my backpack because that is something that I actually do on a regular basis. This thing has been working very well, I have had less problems with my stomach acting up, and I am definitely getting all the nutrients I need during the day, just at times that are a bit different from my normal routine.

Bring tea with me. It's something I never did before but it's becoming the one thing I won't give up. I either make a green tea or an herbal tea that I drink before the lecture, and it's been so good for me both physically and mentally. It's been super cold so the warm treat is really needed, but most importantly it's been very comforting and calming, so shutout to my dad for suggesting that.

Having little things to look out for during the commute. This mostly consists of me listing to podcasts, and re:dracula has been of great company in my commutes last year so it's nice it's become a bit of a tradition. It's just good for me not to associate commuting with negative things, so now I just percieve it as poscast time which makes it much much better. This also includes texing friends when I feel like I can look at the screen of my phone without getting car sick (again when anxiety messes me up I can get random car sickness), that's good to keep my mind off things and make the commute feel lighter.

Total relax when I get home. Which sometimes means lying in bed with a cup of tea and nothing more. If I have enough brain power I might read a comic, or play stupid midless games on my tablet for a bit. Honestly just things that need as little energy and brainpower as possible because by that time I do not have much energy or brainpower left, and it's okay. I normally use up a lot of energy when going out and it this period of time all tasks require I use even more energy. I can't do much about it other than accept it and do my best to tke care of myself.

[n3xii]

This reading helps you attune to the message your guardian angel has for you at the moment. We'll explore what they've been trying to say to you and how they're aiding you at this time. Close your eyes and take a few breathes, when you're ready choose an image below

Pile one

What they've been trying to say 》

Your guardian angel is acknowledging a fear or blockage you have surrounding your own intution. Perhaps it seems unrealistic to you that you would have any ability, impossible even. Others are simply afraid of all this has to offer. What if I'm wrong? What if my I tuition is misguding me? What if it's a coincidence?

Your guardian angel has been trying to communicate the power you have and how you're blocking it off. Awaken to your intution and your subconcious and be receptive to the signs you're getting. let your angel have connection with you through your intutuion. Your angel also wants you to know that you have a whole community of people just like you. whenever you're afraid or unsure about your intuition, confinde in them with your questions. Don't just dismiss yourself or deny yourself the opportunity to understand a sign or Intutive further.

How this angel is supporting you at the moment 》

You've been feeling out of sorts, upside down, you could be having a physical problem or just losing your energy completely. Maybe you've lost the motivation to do things you love to do, or even just the things you need to do. Your angel is helping you rediscover the energy within you so that you can keep moving forward. This angel is recovering your inner strength and willpower and healing you. Be receptive to this energy occurring on the inside out. Your angel is essentially helping you heal and recover, for those who may have e been sick recently your angel is especially helping you with that.

Pile two

What your guardian angel has been saying to you》

Your angel wants you to know that your power has been increasing, now is not a time to be passive or submissive. However, like pile one, there's some blockages to your intution that makes it hard to see where you need to direct this power. Your angel wants you to know that you have the power to create your own destiny at this moment but you lack the vision to actually set it into action. Focus on visualizing or using your senses to create an image of what you want to do. Don't let your innate power to go to waste, they have been trying to tell you to use your power and have a vision for that energy to manifesf

How this angel is helping you at this moment 》 this angel is helping all your wishes to come true, this angel wants to see abundance and prosperity take place in your life. This angel is helping you manifest and take action towards your desires. As we said earlier, you're struggling to use your intution and third eye to visualize what it is you want, this angel is wanting you do that so that all your wishes come to frution. They cant help if they dont know what you want! If you can't visualize, use your senses (taste, smell, touch, hearing) to imagine what your manifestion would be like.

Pile three

What your angel has been trying to communicate》

Your guardian angel is communicating to me that you've been dealing with anxiety- emotionally you're overwhelmed and don't know how much more you can take. You've been brooding over something, something has caused you to spend signifigant mental energy on ruminating or worrying. Your angel has been trying to tell you that the storm is passing, whatever it is your worried about or worked up about, it's actually on its way out of your life it's going to be resolved. Your angel simply wants you to know it's ok, that this period of stress won't last much longer it's ok to let yourself relax.

How this angel is helping you right now 》 this angel is bringing new beginnings in your finances or career. Your angel is helping you expand in abundant ways so that you can embrace opportunities that pay you well. If this is what you were worried about, you angel wants you to know that anxiety is leaving and abundance is coming. Any constraints that were making you anxious is going to be a thing of the past. They are helping you perceive open doors, opportunities and even gifts

[emblazons]

this is likely so personal and just. way to much info but there is no where else in my life I could possibly put it and...weirdly, I trust y'all lmfao

There's something so painfully unnerving about having someone be genuinely interested in you after being single for so long, and I don't think—for all of my internal belief that I was ready for "the right relationship" when it came for me—I was prepared for how much there is a very real part of me that desperately wants to run and hide from it solely because it challenges my internal status quo.

The thing is....when I last had a meaningful breakup with a semi-serious partner (2019), I treated being single as a temporary state; something to "get through" until I found a new partner, and I went through the classic dating app gambit and saw men and women and tried to "put myself out there" the way they tell you to do. Then, after realizing how little I wanted to deal with casual dating and hookups—and after being told on my birthday a man I'd been talking to for four months already had a GF of two years—I lost a taste for trying to make something out of nothing and just put sex and dating entirely on the back burner, instead taking the "you can only control you" advice I'd always seen so I could focus figuring out who I was without a partner to constantly distract me from that.

From probably the beginning of COVID, that meant focusing on ...just every single aspect of myself. From healing the mental anguish of burning out of my (then) previous job, finding the bravery to do things I would always do with partners by myself (going to the movies, going out to eat, even shit like solo international travel) and even just letting my "inner nerd" come to the fore because I didn't have anyone looking at me funny for doing things like spending hours writing Stranger Things analysis or learning to make gifs (lol), I've spent nearly the last four years just...learning to like all the random corners of myself as myself, finding out what it felt like to go to sleep alone and content with the woman staring at me in the mirror.

In doing that though...so much fell into place for me in so many areas it never managed to when romance was a priority. I got a job that I absolutely love, and make more money than I even thought possible ever, nevermind before 30. I went from having roommates and shit credit to having my own apartment and fixing a lot of the financial mistakes I made in my early 20s. I learned to take better care of my body—going to all the doctors i had avoided for years, taking accountability the aspects of my health I could control, and losing the nearly 60 lbs I gained from illness and medicine (and poor habits) in that previous 4 year period. I traveled to New Zealand for the first time, went to all the concerts and music festivals and events that growing up poor had denied me, and learned how to be comfortable doing everything from buying cars to making serious appointments all alone. All of that happened because I was single, not in spite of it—and as I realized how much mental space "the pursuit of love" had taken from everything else, being single slowly started to feel like a boon from the universe in a way my formerly partnered or "crushing" or "dating" self could not have even dreamed.

Granted—that was not an easy process. Even right now I'm not sure it would be honest to say I always enjoyed it, especially at first. Some days being "single and not looking" felt like the world was crushing me under the weight of being alone, from how much easier it seemed emotionally, mentally and even financially for my partnered friends (because "a burden shared is a burden halved" as they say) to the way when the walls closed in and life got really hard, the only other being in the room was my cat and....maybe God.

Learning not to be annoyed when one of my friends found someone they loved and wanted to be with seriously—often moving toward marriage, because that's the era of life I'm in—was still a challenge, and not wanting to bite people's heads off when they said "but aren't you lonely" still happened a fair amount. Slowly becoming desensitized to my body as a sexual entity felt strange at first, but then it slowly changed into something comforting as I realized that a lot of the sex I was having before wasn't rooted in an expression of affection or desire for my partner, but expectation, habit, and a refusal to accept that I was actually pretty fucking demisexual. I started looking at my own relationship history and other people's as something to be studied and considered not emotionally, but logically—and slowly slipped into a version of myself the me of my early 20s could not have ever fathomed.

It wasn't even until I was in New York in May that I realized, probably for the first time in all that time, that I had accomplished all of what my "intentionally single era" was designed to do. I was a featured speaker on a panel with one of the largest design magazines in the entire world—but more than that, I was someone I liked, respected, and wanted to be, because when I looked in the mirror, who stared back made me happy as fuck to know.

So, I said I would be more open to meeting new people again. And within—I shit you not—three weeks, this man shows up on my birthday of all days and within five meetings wheedles his way not just into "oh he's kind of cute" territory, but all the way to me kissing his cheek, saying his mispronunciation of a word he's only read is cute and holding his hand at a concert on a random Wednesday.

I literally cannot tell you how unnerving that feels. I cannot tell you how much I can feel the walls of my four years of singleness wanting to shut him out despite all the green flags he's managed to present at record fucking speed, especially compared to all the partners I had before him. I cannot tell you how much even the usually nice feeling of liking someone feels sullied by my own sincere doubt this is going to work out in the long run, or how even the smallest things he does that aren't like me feel like giant red flags because I've spent so much time focusing solely on myself even a smidgen of someone else in that space feels enormous.

I cannot tell you how weird it feels to have someone look at me with desire, both for my body and to know me more; how weird it feels to sense the starting of attraction in myself because someone has laid so much of themselves at my feet and still stayed present despite my overwhelming desire to isolate and intellectualize. To me, its been four seconds of my life since I met this man—someone who I honestly didn't even think I would like that much, and who made me defensive solely because he was reaching for something I wasn't even sure I was ready to give—and him being intentional about seeing me, remembering things about me and complementing me feels like an overstep...even though it's probably one of the healthiest things that could be happening to me.

Even the fact that I told him about my family, my struggle with anxiety and my distancing myself from sex for so long feels fucking insane to ME, and I'm the one who did it. It feels like this little lonely, touch-starved gremlin inside of me has been let out of her cage on a leash and still managed to run to the front of the deck and start barking directions. Two inches forward feels like a mile when you've spent just under half a decade not moving at all—and while I don't feel overwhelmed by it yet, this whole thing gives me anxiety even as I'm nearly desperate at this point to let myself explore it.

I don't know. I might regret even say this, though I don't think so; even if it doesn't work out, it was going to happen sometime and with someone. I just. Its new. Its different. It is just about as far out of my comfort zone as I could get, and that feels weird to say considering how the me of "before" would have laughed at how little has actually been done. There really isn't anything to do at this point but see it through as far as it makes sense to—and to accept the want that it returns to me, no matter how horrifying that seems in the moment...and as he texts me, as I write this even now.

I'm nervous, I'm anxious, and I'm excited. Right now, I think that's all i've got.

[gordontheengineswifenirmal]

Interpreting struggle and other people

Yesterday, I found out arsehat (my ex)’s best friend committed suicide a week or two ago. Our aunt and uncle said it was because his wife nagged him. Let me tell you, aside from being not do subtly sexist, this is a lazy excuse. It’s usually not JUST because someone nagged you. If it were that easy, nagging would be a legally punishable crime. Cheating on a partner is a worse crime, and folks don’t usually break the law for it. No no.

Let me tell you - when you are emotionally struggling, anything can eventually set you off. I know this all too well. I was there. I tried to kill meself when I was 19. It’s not the proudest moment, to say the least. It was necessary though. It helped refocus and learn to become stronger. This isn’t true for everyone, especially when they aren’t as tempered to deal with struggle.

Apparently this man had what appeared to be ab idyllic life - he was a multimillionaire. He had a wife, kids. You may ask why would he do such a thing then? Because we may think he had everything, but we must not assume. He obviously did not have happiness. He struggled with internal issues that he was unable to confront. There could be many reasons for this - cultural, societal, even physical. Maybe he was in perfect health. Maybe he got a diagnosis he was just unable to come to terms with. We don’t know. Maybe his job caused stress. Maybe family pressures contributed. Maybe all of these things….or maybe….none of them.

Whilst this is surely NOT exclusive to those who are wealthy, as even poor folks can be raised with this mentality - being privileged and entitled makes you weak. You are delusional from the start, and it makes reasoning that much more challenging.

I’ve had a lot of people jump to conclusions about me instead of trying to actually listen and understand. Challenge ur own thinking. I recently shared a series of incidents that occurred in past months.

I’m in me 40’s. Months ago, I was harassed by a teenager on Reddit. He made extremely vulgar, detailed sexual comments about me. He got others to hang up and spread rumours. Why? Because i defended another, innocent young person who he was harassing. Recently, i was banned in a discord group for trains because a minor posted very sexually suggestive images of anime schoolgirls with their breasts on display photoshopped into train pics. A mod defended this, going so far as to ask if I ‘wore a fucking tent’. At the same time, this mod claimed I’d make inappropriate jokes. I made jokes that were no worse than anyone else, and never flirted with anyone, never posted pornographic images. The mod and the kid are closer in age to each other, and the mod had prior bias towards me. He’s had it out for me ever since I had joined. The harasser had apparently been in the discord before I joined, and spread lies about me before I was even there. I had no idea.

The person I recounted this to blamed me. They acted like I was the villain. They listened to what they wanted to hear only. This is not appropriate communication. You need to listen to the entire story, even if it’s not comfortable. Don’t judge based on bias or prejudice. It misleads you, it’s foolish. Even worse, it’s toxic. It can hurt others.

Perhaps, if that man had an outlet he was able to trust, it could have saved him. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, some people are unable to open up. I get that. However, I am well aware that there are multiple sides to a story, and when we are conditioned to too much comfort, it clouds our ability to deal with things - both regarding ourselves and others. Living a comfortable life, and then suddenly (or not so suddenly) having to deal with struggle can be devastating. When we choose to victim blame, that only makes it worse. Be a bit more ware of how what you say and do effects others. You never know how it can impact someone else.

Also, Henry never died in the tunnel. He does get laid in there tho. He’s a big handsome steam engine, what can I say?

[allovertheplace-writing]

Hii! Could you do hcs for Cove, Itto, and Diluc with a fem s/o (a random mix but still) who's just kinda intimidating on the outside? Tall, stoic, monotone, blank expression, stuff like that. But on the inside they're super emotionally fragile and kindhearted?

Our Life + Genshin Impact

Character(s): Cove, Itto, Diluc

Genre: Fluff

Type: Headcanon

Description: With your hard exterior, many have found themselves intimidated...but if your partner had to describe you, it'd be the opposite- sort of

Warning(s): Gender-Neutral Reader(My Default(Changed it to GN since Gender Doesn't Matter for This)), Mentions of Other Characters(Derek, Kujo Sara, Shinobu, Kaeya)

Hello! I absolutely can do this >:3

I hope you enjoy! Thanks for requesting btw <3

   ➢ Cove

You and Cove are like two pees in a pod, well...except that he always has his heart on his sleeve. But! Most people's, or at least Derek's, first impression of him was that he's intimidating!

He had a hard time understanding you when he was younger, prior to your current relationship. You both just became acquainted with one another and with the distance he liked to have with everyone...you weren't friends for a while(even though you wanted to be). A little 'are we friends?' will have him stumbling for a second, but he'll likely say 'we can be.' Now, depending on how young he was when you ask, he might just say 'we aren't.'

(8 y/o Cove is so blunt it hurts-)

Obviously, everything worked out eventually because you're together and he understands you a lot better! He knows the little shifts and habits that happen during uncomfortable or disinteresting conversations. He knows that you're sentimental and understands what hurts you(mostly because he's the same).

Majority of the time, he feels at complete harmony with you - especially with the way you bounce of each other on the daily! But there are days when something upsets you and he has no idea. Some things just never come up and he ends up hurting you at times. Cove always will get to asking what's wrong when he sees you upset and will immediately apologize(while also making a mental note of avoidance to what got you upset).

   ➢ Itto

He thinks you're on another level of Kujo Sara - though much sweeter, for sure. At first, Itto was, well, intimidated by you just as much as anyone else. Such a cold stare and unmoving face...AND YOU'RE TALL?? Obviously not as tall as the one and oni, but sheesh(I mean unless...)! To say the gang was also a bit scared would be an understatement. "They're like Shinobu, but-" "But scarier!" "Yeah!"

He ends up liking you immediately, though. You're kinda cool, you know! Itto finds out how nice you really are rather quickly, finding you helping about and taking care of the strays in the city within a week of meeting you(a part of him fell in love right then and there, but don't tell him I said that). He'd notice how certain things affect you and subconsciously make mental notes, sometimes physical ones that he ended up losing, so he could protect you and make you happy.

When you both became each other's partner, he already understood you a great deal because of his observations. His jokes landed a good amount of the time, occasionally getting a chuckle or huff from you, and his hugs were reciprocated all the time- who wouldn't be a happy oni when it came to that?

He knows how to cheer people up, even without meaning to at times, so you're guaranteed to always have comfort for your hidden woes. Anytime he ends up making you upset, he's instantly apologizing- he doesn't even know for what yet either! He just knows you're not in a good mood, he caused it, and thats a no-no.

A ridiculous oni, he is. But he's your ridiculous oni.

   ➢ Diluc

How people view him doesn't matter to him, but Diluc does know he comes across as stoic most of the time. The untouchable wine boss, if you will(Kaeya has a death wish, you swear-). He understands that being such a sturdy person on the surface can lead to people leaning on you for support, even as you crumble apart on the inside. He, out of the many, knows perfectly well that there's more to someone than just their outward demeanor. And so, he offers his presence and gives you someone to talk to when he picks up on those small habits and twitches. He may not speak of his problems, but that doesn't mean everyone has to be the same!

That had been the beginning of his comfort and it still remains today - alongside your own, of course. It hadn't felt fair when he was the only one offering a shoulder to metaphorically cry on and you returned it in your own ways rather quickly. Obviously, comfort isn't the only thing in your relationship. There's plenty of silly moments that have you smiling ever so slightly when you remember them. Such as when you both tried baking cookies in random shapes whilst trying not to get caught by Madeline. You wouldn't get in trouble, but it was fun to act so. It was like you were children again, whispering and freezing at every creak the wood wallowed out.

In the end, the cookies got burnt - who could blame you when he decided, randomly, to smear some left over cookie dough on your cheek? Of course you were going to do it back! Friendships turned to something else and now you're both here. Two intimidating softies so very in love with each other.

[anryuuepic]

Test Subject: Venus Bio

Name: Test Subject Venus

Species: Daryan

Race: Redscale

Role: A Test Subject of Winterkill Works, and one of two whose powers didn’t backfire. Though she’s a sensible, caring person at her core, the stress of her current environment is steadily degrading her mental health. Considered a useful tool to Winterkill because of the abilities she gained. 

Affiliation: Winterkill Works

Gender: Female

Age: 31

Height: 5’1

Appearance: Venus is a short woman with rather plain looks. She has dirty-blonde, neck-length hair with a somewhat coarse texture, kept in a straight bob that flares out toward the ends. Her eyes are a light, rosy, warm-hued shade of pink, and her features are sweet in a way that makes her look younger than she is. Nervousness often shows in her posture.

Personality: Venus is sensible, practical, and routine-oriented. Though generally calm, she’s easily frustrated by the antics of people around her (and known to have a bit of a short temper), especially when she knows she’ll have to deal with the mess that’s left behind. She’s gentle and compassionate, and despite claiming to dislike the task, often ends up taking care of those who need it, whether they ask her for help or not. Emotionally sensitive, she’s prone to taking on responsibilities and feelings of guilt that she rationally shouldn’t. Stress gets to her quickly, but she’s also resilient enough to get through that stress with little lasting damage. Modest, open-minded, and cooperative, she’s easy to be around and easy to trust. 

Positive Traits: Venus does her best to be a decent person— though more in terms of personal values than any greater moral code. She’s naturally inclined to sympathy, which extends to treating people well even when they very much don’t deserve it. She’s level-headed and rational, patient with people and circumstances alike, and works for solutions, no matter how small. Caretaking comes easily to her (though she doesn’t always like that fact), and she’s generally as trustworthy, reliable, and easy to be around.

Negative Traits: One of Venus’s most harmful traits is her recurring tendency to take blame for things that she shouldn’t. Even when she knows better, she’s prone to second-guessing herself and finding reasons to worry, and once she’s started down that path, it’s hard to stop. She often takes on too much work or makes commitments that she knows she’ll regret, just because she can’t bring herself to say no. She can also be short-tempered and rather bossy, assuming she has to take control to fix a situation. 

History: Before Winterkill Works, Venus worked in a management position in a fairly rural Daryan town. Though it was initially uneventful, the war’s end brought new chaos, in the form of social unrest, financial difficulties, and more. As part of a deal with the Guard’s science division, in exchange for funds directed to the town, Venus was supposedly transferred to a similar job within it— except, as she quickly found out, the real “job” involved serving as a test subject for Winterkill’s ambitious experiments. 

Relationships: Venus can and does manage decent relationships with most of the people around her. She doesn’t always enjoy their company (she actively dislikes many of them, in fact), but her personality and willingness to help make her likable to most. Since she’s often forced to play nurse for many of the other Test Subjects, she’s gotten to know them all fairly well, though her closest friendship in Winterkill Works by far is with Bacchus.

Interests: Venus likes peaceful days, her region’s style of home cooking, and being able to work alone. She dislikes urban areas, unexpected changes in plans, and arguments. Since ending up at Winterkill Works, she’s ended up spending most of her “free time” checking in on the other test subjects. 

WW Role: As one of the specially selected Test Subjects, Venus was given a particular experimental power. In her case, that power is a functionally “perfect” immune system that renders her immune to sickness and infection of nearly any variety. She’s one of two true successes among the Test Subjects, whose powers didn’t come with some kind of horrible cost. 

Miscellaneous: Though she tries not to think about it, Venus can’t shake the fear that someday, her power will backfire like so many of the rest. Irrational as it is, she worries that the other test subjects resent her for coming out unscathed when they’ve suffered so greatly. Venus initially became friends with Bacchus because of their shared background in small-scale government, but by now, she considers Bacchus a close friend on a far more personal level. Though she claims to be annoyed by “nurse duty”, looking after the other test subjects keeps her mind well-occupied.

Connotative Description: A practical and pleasant person whose care for others is often fueled by an irrational sense of guilt. The “sane man” of the Test Subjects, in a sense, but troubled by her situation in more subtle ways.

[mrhaitch]

Hello there again,

(X-files anon)

My partner is also a full-time teacher that works almost exclusively in supported learning, but he leans more towards physical and intellectual disabilities rather than behavioural concerns (though he has experience).

My question is, do you experience compassion fatigue and burn out? If you do, how do you handle it?

My partner tends to take on all of the weight from work and it hangs over him pretty bad, he can’t seem to shake it. Especially as it gets closer to the end of the year.

Would you also have any advice for me about providing better assistance at home when he’s feeling like this?

I feel as though i’m there physically for him, cooking and cleaning among other things, but emotionally it’s a little tricky as I am also studying two degrees simultaneously and we’re both utterly exhausted by the end of the day.

Thanks.

Sometimes - especially where individual cases are overwhelmingly bad and it feels like there's no seam to grab onto. Every student will have some crack in their armour, or something solid and stable to hang onto even if everything else is shit.

Unfortunately, for a lot of my students this isn't the case. Some of them are in care, some of them are estranged from an abusive or violent or neglectful parent. Some of them are in the orbit of gangs or have previously been involved with gangs. Some have substance abuse issues, others have cripplingly bad mental health issues and it's a coin toss whether they can hear you when you try to reach out to them.

In a single class I had a student confess they were homeless, that their dad is violent, their mum is taking money from their account, and a whole myriad of stuff.

You do get tired, at the end of the day. Especially when you've spent that whole time being calm while a bunch of kids with conduct disorder are yelling at you because you've decided today's the day they need to work on their spelling when they just want to be plumbers or electricians or mechanics.

Fundamentally what helped me was setting a boundary: I can't help them from home. I don't have access to our safeguarding systems, I can't talk to them, etc. outside of my working hours. From the start of the school day to the end - that is my window to make a difference. In the time between school days I need to take care of myself. I need to go to the gym, read books, work on my novel, spend time with my wife - do anything I can to make myself whole again so I'm ready to be there for them when they need me.

Of course, you'll still find yourself thinking about those students during your downtime and it's important not to beat yourself up for it - but also to keep things practical. Nudge the thoughts towards actions: what am I going to do? What can I do? Rather than going round and round thinking about how shit things are for them.

How to support someone who has to deal with that? The little things. A touch, a cup of coffee with a smile, making two minutes to talk to them about how they're feeling. Those little comforts can really help you step out of your head and remember you're not facing those challenges alone, in the same way that those things make all the difference to students with a difficult life. In a few weeks I've managed to take a bunch of unmanageable students and get them working and progressing just by being calm, praising them when they dig in and work hard, and not browbeating them for being themselves.

They'll be okay.

[raz0rvampire]

Deimos Ramble

This is all my personal viewing of Deimos, most obviously this is 99% fanon, but I just personally want to talk about my view of the character Deimos from Madness Combat! :3

TW: Abuse/Abusive relationships, toxicity

A/N>>>The beginning is mainly about 2bmos because i wrote most of this to my best friend to ramble, but it'll eventually go into deimos's stuff. <<<

Doc and Deimos are those two that hooks up regularly without any commitment because they think they're "too busy to actually commit" while they're focused on fighting against AAHW. There really isn't a purpose to it in the beginning, as it's just a form of pleasure/ways to distract themselves from constant violence. but slowly 2bdamned starts actually wanting to do more things and it kind of jump scares Deimos because Deimos doesn't wants Doc to ACTUALLY having to deal with his genuine self rather than the casual fuck and go. All he's seen so far is a hook up partner, and the hacker out in the field. So, doc is just hanging out around him consistently on the average with no sexual undertones and Deimos is getting mixed signals and eventually he kind of explodes on doc eventually.

I do believe Deimos was abusive towards 2b in the beginning of their relationship. not physically but very mentally and emotionally. This is not an excuse for Deimos treating Doc like shit, it is just very real because in context that his only relationships were- Wasted/Exploited Clone to his brother and then turned into simply being co-workers (mercenaries and assassins). With that, there has never been a proper, emotionally connected relationship in his entire existence.

also yes I do head canon that Deimos is very manipulative and CAN become abusive, he is incredibly flawed from the other characters if you think about it (Other than Hank J Wimbleton.) I mean, he worked as an agent in the AAHW where he was treated a scientific experiment under his brother's power so because of that he expresses the same thing as Phobos. He's used to that power hungry enviroment, that the only way to survive is through expressing control over any situation given. I think slowly throughout time of the series, he becomes that "Goofy" guy but I think in the beginning, it was actually more sadistic than humorous

His only exposure in existence EVER was violence, abuse of power/emotions/and even substances. LIKE, EVER EVER. QUITE LITERALLY. Hank, Doc, and Sanford ALL had exposures to "normal" things. Even though Hank fucked it all up (and is kind of fucked up in general), but he still had those normal experiences because he was already an adult when everything went down in the MC universe. Doc also had that same sort of thing, he's also (although not licensed, but maybe in the past?) very intelligent emotionally and intellectually, he gave in to the thought of dissenting by his own choice, knowing he had one. ANNNDD Sanford had a mother as well (Funny enough in a universe where 'women dont exist/hj') and is seen to express care/connections to all of the rest of the characters through multiple interactions. (Probably a trait from being raised by a loving mother.)

DEIMOS'S ENTIRE EXISTENCE WAS BEING A CLONE FOR THE PURPOSE OF BEING EXTERMINATED IN THE NAME OF KILLING HANK J WIMBLETON. While also sort of being a clone trophy for Phobos.

I LOVE the found family that the main four have turned into, I absolutely adore it, but I personally do not believe that is how they STARTED out. I feel like the tension, especially when Deimos came into the picture, was very very intense.

He's not exactly repressed to his feelings of anger, and in fact, I think he's very used to EXPRESSING those violent and abusive tendencies to his fellow agents I mean, although he was abused, neglected, and exploited he had a higher sort of standing because of being related to Phobos, so he's also experienced in having a controlling role over others. I also think Sanford and Deimos would also have a really hard time (platonically, since this in terms of 2bmos) Deimos would be very controlling of their missions and rushes a lot, and would end up twisting a lot of the things on the way he feels about what happened, rather than actually focusing on it's entirety of what happened. He's so used to expressing his side and controlling the narrative for his benefits.

I feel like we miss this whole chance of Deimos being a very flawed character from his past environment. The chances of writing this character learning through a whole development arc by people who can show him genuine care and the idea of selflessness and ability to develop past who he was is so good. There's no possible way that Deimos was just "so lucky to be a good person amongst all the bad!" NOO!! MAKE HIM FLAWED!! MAKE HIM A BAD PERSON WHO DEVELOPS THE FORM AND LESSON OF SELFLESSNESS IN A SAFE ENVIROMENT!!

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed my idea for Deimos! If anyone has anything to add, that'll be great!

VV my deimos playlist

[bellestarot]

Jihyo's Reading

August 08, 2024

Right Now

Right now, she's dealing with the end of a connection with a guy she's known for ages. It could be an old friend or a family member, and it's really affecting her mental health at the moment.

She's super busy these days. I get the vibe that she's been writing love songs or working on projects where her next tracks will be about relationships because she might be pulling from some personal stuff. For her next comebacks, she's all in. I'm not sure if the group is currently on tour or performing, but she's pouring her energy into that and traveling to different places right now.

She's also open-minded about new projects she might be working on. She could be seeing someone or really values and loves a male figure she trusts a lot. He's a big source of strength for her, and she's been thinking about him a lot lately.

Love Life

She's probably in a relationship right now, and I think this person is super hardworking, always hustling to achieve their dreams. It wasn't easy for them to get to where they are today, and she really admires this person's journey, even though they come from different worlds.

She waited a long time for this person to reach out because maybe she hadn't confessed her feelings for them. She's completely in love with this person and feels like this relationship is a dream come true, the one she always wanted. Her heart is full of love and happiness right now.

She might have met this person while working, or they could have a job dealing with finance or other people's problems. She feels like this person came out of nowhere, and they clicked perfectly.

Right now, they have a strong connection. She trusts this person and talks to them a lot, and there's a possibility that they are a bit older than she is.

Career

I still think she's working on a song about a breakup and then a major comeback, or when you get hurt and then meet someone way better. She's using her creativity to make something really personal, drawing from past experiences in her songs. She's been working hard on this, and it's been a bit stressful trying to juggle her responsibilities with work, but she's handling it really well.

We can expect a really positive outcome because she's putting a lot of trust in this new project. She's been collaborating with others to make sure it comes out exactly how she wants to share it with everyone.

Family

She's a bit upset with a male family member who's an air sign. She feels like her work has caused them to drift apart emotionally, and this has made her quite sad.

She's really close to two women in her family, who she talks to a lot. They advise her to be careful about who she shares things with, especially people she doesn't know well or who seem untrustworthy.

She's a bit shocked by the outcome of something her family was doing related to finances at work, which didn't turn out well. She feels like many family members aren't being honest about how they use money.

I feel she's close to her grandfather or an older male figure she respects a lot. She loves being around and traveling with him, but there's some distance between them, so she often has to make the effort to see him.

Friendships

She loves her friends, and I believe there are some people she truly cares about, but right now, she doesn't want to share what's going on in her life with them. She feels like whenever she does, someone ends up telling others, and it's as if her friends don't take her seriously and aren't very trustworthy. After going through some bad experiences because of this, she's trying to talk less about her life.

However, I see that there's a friend, a woman who might be an earth sign, whom she really appreciates. It could be a new friendship that recently entered her life, and she's quite excited about this person.

But overall, she's trying not to share too much because she feels like there are some people who are just gossipers.

Future

In the future, she's going to get a bit stressed because something she thought would be positive and successful might turn out the opposite, causing her a lot of stress. But I feel like she'll talk about it—her fears and anxieties—through her music and art. I think there are many stories she's lived through that she would like to share with others because she comes across as a really creative person from this reading. She'll use that to her advantage.

There's a chance her relationship won't last, and she and this person might break up due to arguments, disagreements, and a lack of understanding. She'll be very upset by whatever happens, and I see her being quite hurt for a long time.

But even with that, I see her getting back to her old self, becoming optimistic, spontaneous, and fun again. She'll show that side of herself, especially in her work, and I think she'll produce really positive things in the future.

[libra-stellium]

Tracking Mars transits!

Notes from Planet in Transit - Robert Hand

Mars opposite Sun (Apr 30 - May 6)

This can be a time when some activity of yours is brought to a triumphal climax

This could be few things: my nails were so long and I was so proud of them (writing this on 6/3 and they're all broken now lmfao), i finally found a spray that worked to get rid of the mold on my bathroom walls, and I successfully made red thai curry chicken on my first try!

This activity may have started during the last transit of Mars conjunct your natal sun (Aug 26 - Sept 3 2023)

That was around the time when I started intentionally making food at home more and it was not going well lol i had chef block! And almost a year later I was making red thai curry chicken HEALED

The last transit of Mars square your natal sun (Jan 3 - Jan 10 2024) you had to face a challenge, if you survived successfully you will now enjoy the fruition of that effort

I don't remember if I faced a challenge lol during that time at work is when they asked me to sit in court with them to time the arguments for 20 days 9-5 and I thought I should quit lmao but nothing related to that happened in May....maybe it was a mental thing! I could stretch it and say that when they asked me that I panicked that I had nothing to wear (and hated my outfits the 3 days i went to court bc they ended up not needing me for 20 days lol) but in May I wore this really cute outfit out!

Mars trine Jupiter (May 9 - May 16)

One of the best transits for any kind of activity, high energy, feeling good, belief that you can do twice as much work

I did a lot! I cooked, I went to zumba, I went to get my friend a parking pass which ended up being like a two day ordeal lmao

Extremely favorable time for any physical activity, muscles have unusually good tone and vigor

Yep! Zumba was great! Also on 5/12 I got this body composition thing done at the gym and it was so funny bc as the guy is explaining to me that most people are not symmetrical he reads my results and was like "oh! I guess you are" lmaooo he doesn't know i'm a libra like of course I would be balanced on this thing lol

You are able to act with a complete picture in mind of what you are doing

I've been working on a 3000 piece puzzle and I got the bright idea to put the part of the puzzle away that I already finished bc looking at the size of it is overwhelming! I made so much progress in a couple days compared to a couple months

You can plan with greater foresight and thereby avoid pitfalls and be regarded as lucky

This! I felt so lucky getting my friend that parking pass bc we saved $55! I wen to go pick up a long term pass for 7 days and it was $150 and the guy in the office told me that if I came back the next day I could get the monthly pass for may instead half off for $95 and I was like BET and came back the next day to get it! It was also less work than the long term pass bc all they needed was my name not even a license plate

Particularly favorable time for any work that can advance your own interests

Spent time making the itinerary for my trip to Amsterdam!

Mars opposite Moon ( May 20 - May 27)

When I read about this transit I was so scared of it lmfao I was like omgggg this is literally my trip what if my bestie and I have a falling out? LMFAO absolutely ridiculous i've known her since 2007 there's no turning back now lol

Emotionally based relationships may be somewhat difficult, women may be especially hard to deal with, this transit creates emotional confrontations forcing you to master aspects of yourself you're not usually aware of, confrontations will be most powerful in your closest emotional relations

When I came back from my trip on 5/26, on my aunt's bday, after she opened the gifts I got her she told me how she shared my pics with my mom i'm NC with..... and I was like wtf??? why would you do that?? I felt so violated!! My moon is in the 8H so honestly it wouldn't be normal if I didn't get hit with some random act of betrayal from family frfr

If you are not self aware your actions will be dictated by irrational desires

I AM self aware! I was so angry at her for doing it but I didn't snap! I took 5 days to think it over before bringing it up again

Period of testing and confrontation which points to relationship tensions

yeah this was really showing how on my mom's side my aunt is bc it was so easy for her to disregard my boundaries just bc she "felt bad" my mom was sad and I honestly think it's bc I'm doing well in life so it looks like I'm the "bad person" to her bc i'm not suffering from going NC *rolls eyes*

Conflicts at this time all serve to creatively release tensions that have been buried within you and to increase your self knowledge

True! Bc what a random way to confront the whole "whose side are you on??" with my aunt willingly telling me that she share my trip pictures with the one person i intentionally removed from my life lol

Mars opposite Mercury (May 22 - May 29)

This overlapped with the Mars opposite moon above! And I avoided bringing it up again until 5/30 bc I knew i had this transit lol the boundary I set with my aunt was that she would no longer be getting pictures of what i'm doing and getting details about them bc I can't trust that she's not going to randomly "feel bad" and share with my mom and she responded "I respect your decision"

Today may be full of disputes and arguments

Not a good day for trying to settle arguments because neither you nor your opponent will budge

Your ego is thoroughly bound up with your opinions

Make sure that there’s a real issue at stake and only if you have a real position then defend it

Excellent day for any kind of mental work as long as you don’t have to work with others

Hasty because energy is high but self discipline should help

Be careful for any situation that has potential for accidents especially while traveling

Mars square Neptune (May 26 - June 2)

Deal with feelings of doubt, discouragement and inadequacy

I was feeling bad at work bc I've been so mentally exhausted I haven't been able to complete my work and I feel so bad about it like they're going to message me and tell me they know I haven't been doing shit lol

Taking the easy way will have you face even more discouraging consequences as a result

This may be a stretch but I was EXTREMELY bloated during this time because I was opting for snacking instead of full meals or just eating at weird hours instead of sticking to a schedule lol that was me taking the easy way and I couldn't sleep some nights

Your physical energies are low at this time, try to relax, body is more subject than usual to minor infections, chills, fever, and excessive physical strain should be avoided

Forgot about this transit and I went to bodypump on 5/29 and I can still feel the soreness in my armpits omg and I could barely walk on 5/30 lol I think the weights I picked were too heavy for this day

You'll have a successful transit if you conserve energies and confront your fears

I was exhausted lol mission failed! But i had fun so lol