#it captures them/how far they've come so perfectly

[tyrantisterror]

A couple months ago, one of the kids at the daycare brought in a D&D starter set and asked me to DM a game for him and some of the other kids in my class. Now, I had considered doing this in the past, but written it off for a variety of reasons, mainly asusming it'd be a couple days of chaos before the kids get sick of all the math involved and lose interest. But if a kid broaches an idea and others seem on board, I feel it's kind of my duty to at least try it.

So far my assumptions have been... mostly correct? Like, 70% of my predictions have come true, it is chaos, ten-years olds are the most murder-happy murder hobo PCs you could possibly imagine, and they've really been pushing my improv skills to their absolute limits with the choices they've made (and the constrictions I have on me as a daycare teacher). But they haven't gotten bored with the math, and they absolutely love playing the game still, which is nice. I like it when my students are passionate about something.

Anyway, I bring this up because seeing how children play with D&D canon has made me realize one critical fact:

D&D needs a Mons Game spinoff.

Kids love monsters. This is not my bias, it is something that has been categorically proven to me in my four years of working at a daycare. Every kid loves the idea of weird, impossible creatures, and they love the idea of befriending a whole horde of those creatures even more so. One of my kids in the daycare D&D campaign is making it his goal to find and tame every monster he can find in the kid-friendly monster manuals I bought for the class. He wants a Tarasque and a Bullete and an Owlbear and on and on and on, and keeps proposing tactics for capturing them based on his time playing Ark: Survival Evolved, a game where you can tame dinosaurs and mythic beasts while trying to survive a wild world full of danger and obstacles.

And it turns out that, while the mechanics of D&D don't support this, the philosophy of how its settings are structured according to those mechanics does. D&D is filled with hundreds of wild and imaginative monsters, all with distinct appearances, habits, adaptations, and environmental needs. The need to make the "dungeons" part of D&D interesting has required it to build really interesting monster ecosystems, and, much like mons games, the need to keep players buying new content has resulted in them building a vast library of creatures, because selling $50 books containing a slew of new monsters is a pretty guaranteed way to get money. D&D may not be a mons game, but it's accidentally made its setting perfectly suited to be one.

And what a money-maker that would be! Skew it more towards a child audience in tone, use simpler mechanics so kids can hop into it without spending, say, three solid weeks of afterschool daycare time crafting character sheets more or less one on one, and you'd have a game that would easily hook a younger audience while planting seeds of interest into the bigger game.

Of course, there are already indie TTRPG mons games, and I imagine some of them are actually good, but unfortunately they're not exactly easily obtainable on a daycare teacher's budget. And, you know, they wouldn't let you make a team of a bulette, an otyugh, a gray render, and an owlbear.

But then again, Wizards of the Coast continues to be absolute bastards, so maybe this idea is too good for them. Which makes it a good thing they're never going to read this blog post.

[attackfish]

Can you do more of the Lu Ten back from the dead AU?

That describes more than one AU of mine, so I have chosen the one where Zuko is brainwashed by the Dai Li, and while under Lake Laogai, finds his cousin. Continued from: [Link], [Link], [Link], [Link], [Link], [Link], [Link], [Link], [Link], [Link], [Link], [Link], and [Link].

Aang wakes up, with, what must be said, is perfect, and perfectly awful, timing. Lu Ten is just about to make his escape, when the Avatar opens his eyes and starts having a freak out about being on a Fire Nation ship, and about how he failed to save Ba Sing Se from being conquered by Azula (Azula? His little cousin, Azula? That Azula? Conquered Ba Sing Se?) So of course Lu Ten does what all good little Fire Princes do, and tries to follow him, because that's the Avatar! He should capture him and take him home to the Fire Nation, and come out of his captivity covered in glory! His father and grandfather will be so proud.

So of course when Aang ends up stuck on some driftwood and washed ashore by the kindly Moon Spirit, Lu Ten ends up washed up, half drowned, on the beach with him. And he's still half drowned and wondering if he really saw the Moon Spirit, or just hallucinated that bit, when the Avatar's friends show up. After the hugs and reassurances, the question quickly becomes what to do with Lu Ten. The problem of course is several fold. 1) he is a danger, because he just tried to pull a Zuko and kidnap Aang. 2) He was pretty useless about it. Zuko could have done better in his sleep. This shows that Lu Ten is still kind if not fully with it, and kind of needs to be taken care of. 3) And Lu Ten's dad is in prison for helping them-

Wait what? His dad is in prison for helping the Avatar and a bunch of teenage enemies of the Fire Nation? His cousin Azula, who last he checked was eight, conquered Ba Sing Se? His cousin Zuko, who is ten, which is, he supposes, not much younger than the twelve year old Avatar, but still ("I'm pretty sure I'm thirteen now, actually, I mean dates are weird with the whole being frozen for a hundred years thing, but...") is not only trying to kidnap the Avatar on the regular, but is apparently doing pretty well at it ("uh, we wouldn't go that far... Also Zuko's sixteen, and Azula's like, fourteen, we think? It's not like she told us.") Oh okay, Zuko is sixteen. He was captive for six years? Six years? Oh. Oh okay. Okay. Wait, who had his dad imprisoned? What do you mean Firelord Ozai? How did Uncle Ozai become firelord if his dad is still alive?

What the Avatar and his companions tell him is confused and disjointed, but what what explaination he does get paints a bleak picture, especially when they tell him that both his father and his cousin said that Ozai, and/or Azula would probably kill him if they found out he was alive. Lu Ten has no idea what to do, and finds himself trailing along after a bunch of teenagers ("Toph's twelve") by default. And when one of those teenagers ends up being dragged off to school, and then getting in trouble at said school, and having to have a parent teacher conference, Lu Ten is the only adult in reach. He works out in his head how much older he would be than his supposed son. If the Avatar is thirteen, and Zuko is sixteen, and Zuko was born when LunTen was ten, he would have been a father at thirteen himself.

Fortunately for everyone involved, six (it's six, right? Wow.) years of captivity have aged Lu Ten beyond what is expected, and he looks far beyond his twenty-six years, old enough to pass as Aang's father. He does his best with stolen clothes and his reflection in a pool of water in the cave they've been hiding in. The Dai Li kept his head shaved, and it's only had a little time to grow out into a spiky fuzz all over his head. He looks like a disgrace, his topknot shorn, the delinquent father of a delinquent son. But it's the best he can do. He isn't exactly surprised when the principal threatens his "son" with being sent to the coal mines. He also doesn't believe a word of it.

After Aang holds his little dance party, amd they all have to run out of town, he finds himself on the road with a pack of children, and is baffled by how many "adventures they find themselves in, impersonating spirits (a Fire Nation town shouldn't be in this kind of squallor!), getting taught by Piandao (who Lu Ten stays well away from, since Piandao could recognize him), dodging assassins, and running into secret waterbending blood witches. That last one was horrifying in so many different ways. She wanted... She tried to kill him. She tried to force the others to kill him. She... Was, at least on some level, a captive like him.

And at the end of it all, when they meet up with the ragtag "army" heading to storm the Fire Nation capital, he hears about the eclipse. And he decides that while the rest of them are trying to take on Ozai, he's going to spring his father. So, he slips away during the fighting and heads for the capital prison tower. Hopefully that's where his father is being kept. And Lu Ten might not have Zuko's ability to break into and out of almost anything, but it hardly matters, because he has barely made it inside when his father, having broken himself out, runs into him, and they leave together.

All this means is that when Zuko (who never did tell anybody about his cousin being alive, which is going to make his tearful reunion with his uncle and cousin a little less awful) shows up to the Western Air Temple, the Gaang is short one Fire Prince. And now they have a new one. Yay! And once he starts to become friends with them, they've got a whole bunch of questions about just what exactly is going on with his family. And yeah, the answers he gives are, well, they are... Wow, Zuko, no wonder you're so messed up!

[faithfromanewperspective]

it's so hard to reclaim the name of christianity. when i'm out in the world interacting with people, interacting and reaching out and saying fuck you to social norms and ideas of appropriateness rooted in discrimination just to validate everyone's humanity. just like my religion taught me to. it's hard when i go out there and realise just how many people have been hurt and i pray for justice and repentance from those in power, just like my religion taught me to. because so many people have been hurt by it. hurt by fear that was instilled and abuse of power by people who are real fucking insecure and think Knowing God And Being Right will mean they can feel better and just not. realising they're hurting people. because their hearts are too hard, and that's something my religion taught me too. that there are people like that. but the people like that. they have impact extending far, far beyond what they could have ever dreamed. impact making people think oh no this god could never want me and i can't live the kind of half life that you do. it always crushed me as a child when i saw people felt like this and--those were the days where it happened to older people around me, and i thought i wasn't grown up enough to ask about it. i grew up. couldn't hold myself back from that empathy anymore, because you learn how to love by doing it. it's quite basic actually, core of what's being human is to love your neighbour as yourself. that's what my religion taught me. and i get out there and i fucking listen and it's everywhere and the people in my religion, they just don't see it unless they've felt it themselves too. most aren't intentionally or even themselves doing the things that are hurting people, but they're so naive to hang around those who do sometimes and in a way, they're just as bad. and yet when you hear their stories, they believe in a god of love. they just think everyone does. no, i say, how are people to see that this is the god we believe in if the only ones making noise are the ones using fear? they go on with their little lives and they care for me, but i am nothing like them. i never could be. so i share my story, just like my religion taught me to. i share how i don't fear punishment (in fact i've been known to chase after it only to realise what i've forgotten again and again, that there's a god who gave everything because of not wanting me to be punished) but i do care about justice. i do want an impact that turns social structures upside down, and why my god became a man this was what was talked about. i do care about almightly all powerful all everything comfort for those who need it just like how my religion taught me and captured me because otherwise i would try and do it all on my own and god knows that would kill me faster than any kind of threat to my existence from outside. and yet, there are all these people who claim to have the same god. i don't understand them, oh wait i do, i see their shame and how uncolourful their lives and hearts are and how they just don't know how to love. themselves. others. think this is what's best for them (something to do with eternity that i won't talk about because. they're got it so simplified it may as well be outright lies) and so. just providing 'facts' is a substitute for warmth.

when did you lose your happiness? when did you lose your heart, your soul, the very thing you sacrificed pleasure to save? i don't relate because my pleasure comes from connection, and before i knew about my neurobiology or my sexuality it was my religion that showed me examples of that. that showed me i wasn't wrong to exist as i do. the same religion, supposedly, that people are all over being hurt by. it makes no sense. it doesn't check out. but wait, it does perfectly. what a better way to harm people than to gatekeep their greatest source of love by dressing it up like hate? telling them by your actions that they would never want it, portraying it as hurtful through your existence, even despite inviting people in. washing out all the richness, because richness makes you uncomfortable: richness makes you not be able to control people. it makes you have to feel, how dare we feel anything, how dare we when we follow a man who cried when his friend died even though he knew bloody well he was about to resurrect the guy 5 seconds later? inviting people in as if you have the authority to do so, but making it so fucking ugly why would anyone in the first place? and genuinely not understanding that and getting discouraged as to why, not realising it was you, you who butchered the entire thing. what is a greater kind of evil? especially as it's one done by accident and through hurt and shame and insecurity and the things all humans carry, warning us by your existence, that you and the evil you've become could happen to any of us. could become of any of us, and no wonder there are people who want to be as little like you as possible, associating you with the religion that is mine. well, not mine, it belongs to the one who created it. but i experience it. do you? because yours is nothing like mine. and yet. it's like darwin's finches, for i could find an evolutionary cousin in the people around me in this building who embodies each step of the transition between my experience and yours. am i any better? do i need to be? all i know is you've hurt me too. you hurt me by telling me to love others and twisting that to say i should serve you. you hurt me by saying emotional intimacy is just as important as physical, and then withholding the emotional intimacy until i find someone to have sex with and sign a piece of paper saying i will with only them. you hurt me by hurting people, other people, who i am one with and connected with just like my religion taught me, long before i heard of the concept of boundaries (the kind that mean you don't feel others' pain as your own). don't you ever think there's a deity who might feel the way you do? you claim to fear him yet you don't realise, do you, that you're breaking the heart of a god. you fear punishment, i don't, so why aren't you scared there might be consequences even if you believe this god doesn't want you to take this path and did everything so you might not have to? or are consequences something you only associate with people who make you uncomfortable?

and that is why i have to reclaim the label of christianity. i have to exist in a way that makes you uncomfortable, armed with quotations from the god you claim to follow driving me to do everything i said, everything that makes you uncomfortable. pass on the truth of those millions that you've hurt, pass it on like it's my truth (because it is now) to the next finch in the line, normalise talking about it until they too, see that there is more to life than the perspective you thought you could make us believe, the one that stunts love. you have your power through control, we have ours through connection and truth, just like our religion told us to. so we don't shut up, keep it going along the chain of finches, every experience widening its own horizons only by a step, hoping that maybe, maybe those who have been excluded might be free to exist with us, should they choose to. so that the power you have over us is gone and you are just a broken human once again, maybe then it might thaw you as the light comes in and you'll be harmless once again. you'll open up to love received when you have no ability to give and nothing to hide behind. really, i'm reclaiming this label for your own good, just as you say you are hurting me for mine. but i shouldn't fight fire with fire. or ice with ice. not when i know how to capture hearts with a truth that is bigger than me, i learned that from my religion. not when there are people, hurting people, whose experience of you i can't undo but i can share it with them, be someone who maybe, just maybe, might offer some semblance of a corrective experience. showing the world how insignificant you really are, by simply being too stubborn to let you and your twisted interpretations of love become a category, a label of a faction of personhood that i happen to relate with too. people like me exist, and our existence doesn't require stolen power that could be gone, it is going, at the drop of a hat. our label isn't something convenient--you took that away from us--but rather something we're ashamed of, because it has been used for great hurt. but if it really is infused with the power of a god, a god who loves justice for the oppressed, then it is something i don't feel worthy of. but i know that never for one second will i let anyone get away with portraying it so absolutely, destructively wrong without fighting to destabilise this worldview. and take back the label of christianity.

inspired by a couple of (admittedly distressing, but validating and true) posts i've seen floating around and the lovely @tleeaves' curiosity.

[dianoetikon]

@amanturine sent: “ i've always liked the color of your eyes... ” there is a pause then, a moment of hesitation lingering on the gambler's tongue. after all, they've always talked rather openly about his eyes, haven't they? so then... why do these thoughts flood his mind? thoughts such as, what am i thinking? and, should i even say it at all? over time, he decides this is likely because he wants to. this much he is certain. which is why, in this moment of quiet intimacy, the gambler can't help but purse his lips and swallow hard. ‘ we will definitely see the dawn one day, ’ he hears his sister's words echo from a distant memory. and then? “ they remind me of... well, how should i say this... ” kakavasha chuckles softly, amused at his sudden sheepishness. “ they remind me of... dawn. ”

Always. As if they've known each other for decades - but perhaps this is silly criticism, for isn't the reverse true just the same? It's hard to miss Aventurine's eyes, hard not to notice their unique beauty that captures the attention and stays on the mind even when he's no longer around. It's not only their color or shape perfectly matching that handsome face but the worlds of thought that they convey, a different one reflected each time Ratio looks. There is the mischief of a born gambler, the spark of confidence that comes with experience and influence, and that disarming honesty that seems to stand in stark contrast with the others.. but perhaps therein lies their magnetism.

Aventurine's eyes are unlike anything Ratio has seen in this universe. No comparison he's capable of conjuring in his mind can do them them justice so he no longer attempts it. Some things dare be unique in this existence.

"Dawn.. on which planet?" he asks, thinking of the distinct green and turquoise tones often seen on the sky in his own homeland. For isn't that the dusk and dawn one tends to remember; the one you grew up with, the one you believed to be the only one until your knowledge expanded and you realized just how small a fraction of the universe you actually had access to so far (and perhaps ever will). Do his eyes mirror the sky of Sigonia then? And if so, he wonders, what emotions does it awake in Aventurine to look at them?

"Well do try not to get lost in them. We have a task to complete." (♡)

[spnfanficpond]

February 2023 Angel Fish Awards

(Angel Fish design by @slytherkins!!)

WELCOME TO THIS MONTH’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE (you don’t have to be a member) CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. Everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that this fun, thoughtful award will do just that. (Click here to learn more about how to nominate a fic for an award!)

Be sure to read through this whole post as people who were nominated more than once only had one tag activated for Tumblr tagging purposes!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE THIS MONTH’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @spnexploration

Words Unsaid (series) by @iprobablyshipit91

It's a great Royal AU with a princess reader and her friend and fencing partner, Dean Winchester. She's down to earth and kickass, far from a princess locked away in a tower. Great writing and really interesting about what might happen next!

~*~*~

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

Now and Then (series) by @thinkinghardhardlythinking

I love me some angst and pining and this series DEFINITELY delivers!! If cheating is a trigger for you, then this is not for you, but that's about the only warning I could give. Wanna long for something you can't have? Then read this fic!

Collared (series) by @spnexploration

I've nominated this series before, and I have to nominate it again, because it's getting into the really hard parts, now. They've gotten the collar off of her, and she has to deal with the mental issues that result from everything she's gone through. And there are SO MANY. And no therapists for victims of supernatural assault! Reading how she's trying to work through everything is fascinating!!

28 Days (series) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Apparently, I'm just into angsty series this month where people have to deal with their shit, because here's another one I'm loving! The cast of characters in this is impressing me more and more as it goes along, too. And poor Dean!! I can't wait to see where this goes!

Handle Me by @icecream-and-gadreel

Breaking my angsty streak here with a Destiel AU that is smutty as all get out! Noodle is back and she hasn't lost a step with her writing!

~*~*~

Nominated by @iprobablyshipit91

Pack (series) by @spnexploration

This series is just starting and it’s already shaping up to be a major comfort fic for me. Dean is so caring and protective already and always leaves me wanting more. There’s also Madison who is the best addition to this story!

Limelight (series) by @talesmaniac89

I love the social media aspect and how this story is told. The different dates the reader goes on with different guys from the series are hilarious and the interactions with Dean are super sweet! I can’t wait to read more

Love On The Brain by @waynes-multiverse

This one shot was just so funny. From Sam scheming, to them running into each other naked, to them just going for it and then finally Sam walking back in. Brilliant!

Last Time? by @smellingofpoetry

This was just really hot. I loved how sassy the reader was at the end when she listed off how many times they’d been together despite it being the last time

~*~*~

Nominated by @mariekoukie6661

I Licked It So It's Mine by @cloverhighfive

Very cute and domestic!!! DEAN COOKING!!!

~*~*~

Nominated by @princessmisery666

Twenty Minutes or Less by @iprobablyshipit91

Funny, hot and Dean is cocky but sweet 💖 Loved it.

A Few Moments of Madness by @smellingofpoetry

This was smoking hot, I needed a cigarette after and then THAT ending!! I did not see it coming and its was perfectly delicious!

~*~*~

Nominated by @glygriffe

Dean dancing drabble by @thoughtslikeaminefield

This is a cute and wholesome story about a later seasons Dean just enjoying seeing someone being happy!

Reciprocus by @thoughtslikeaminefield

This one is a a Weechester story (I cannot resist a Weechester story) about how a teacher can leave a mark.

If We Make It Through December (series) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

A Christmas steamy romance story between Donna and Dean!

Dean's Demise in Flower Pics by @cloverhighfive

I didn't think I would find a lot of new stories with the last Fishing for (smutty) treasure weekend. But I still did found some cool and different ones, like this one! It's a visual story board that conveys with very little text what Dean is feeling...!

~*~*~

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Date Night by @princessmisery666

Two of my favorite things: shower sex and period sex. This is so sexy and cute. And the last line is adorable!

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE AWESOME WORK AND GREAT FEEDBACK!

These are not actual awards, as in, there is no competition! This system is set up so everyone has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author in the Pond that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

[calamari-minecraft-corner]

Hello my name is Cala and I am here to be unhinged about The Milk Carton by Madilyn Mei and how it fits my dnd con au also known as Redemption’s Overture, specifically with Dnd!Cala.

The lyrics remind me a lot about the adventure I have planned for her and I’m here to explain most of them.

-

“I think I really miss my bed

Oh when, oh when will the nightmare end?

I had it good, I had it good

And yet I left and can't retrace my steps”

This is after Cala breaks out Dream and everything goes terribly wrong for her- and she reminisces on how things were before she did that and even before she went on this adventure to explore the world. As well as that her just missing when she was less aware of how truly cruel the world was and no matter what it feels like she can’t go back to that innocence.

“You're gonna be eaten by a coyote

Run, little one, though the pack may follow

Two quite thin, their brother fatter

He can still win, just gotta be faster”

The three coyotes remind me of the Three Kings that try to use her! The two thin ones remind me of Wilbur and Quackity since they both tried to nab her but they just miss— and the fatter one is in reference to King Schlatt who actually does has a chance of getting her since he can manipulate her easier and catching her. And she knows that so that’s why she feels like she’s running since throughout the adventure the three are trying to pursue her and Dream

“Run for the yard, they've barred up the gutter

That was our route, better find another”

In reference to the kings trying to capture them by trapping them with various means- and there’s a lot throughout the AU which is straight up traps to more subtle methods

“Was that a rabbit? Really not like the one

I'vе seen on a cereal box”

This one is a silly one but this is her seeing Techno throughout her travels and she heard about the great knight, but he’s now a lot different who despises the monarchy and wishes to dismantle it- and it reminds her of the books she’s read that he was a great and noble knight in Withering Hope’s Kingdom and the old library of L’Manberg and Manberg, and read ones in Las Nevadas where they call him a monster and an animal so it’s surprising to see him neither of those things.

“And the birds don't talk

Likе the ones on screen”

This is about the crows that follows Cala and her party throughout their adventure! After she sets Dream out there’s a murder that usually follows or flies by them, and she always thinks that they can talk like she read in her old books but they don’t.

“Have they really domesticated me?”

This is the major question that goes on in Cala’s head throughout the AU. In the beginning Cala blindly believes and is very loyal to Eret’s kingdom and by default other kingdoms too since she believes that she has to. So at the start of the au she does her best to be cordial and kind to the kings- even if they try to hurt her. And this question comes up often by Dream, Techno, even King Wilbur when in reference to who is she really loyal to: Her Queen, her Oath, or Dream? So she feels like she’s a domesticated animal for everyone and has a crisis about it.

“Cotton tail, gonna end up in jail

Wrong place, wrong time

Bad tune but it rhymed

And lined up perfectly to blame

The one who is far too tame”

This one is a given. It’s her thinking back to when she broke out Dream and how she snuck into the prison to do it and she sees Dream who she thinks is just a tortured man and doesn’t think that he’s at all dangerous.

“And he say

"Out, let me in, let me in, let me out

Stop tellin' me all about your problems

I been to hell, still in, get me out

Whatever they are, I don't know how to solve 'em"”

Dream doesn’t really say it, but he does give Cala that look constantly when he’s first chained and does see that innocent halfling who’s more worried about him and wondering what she should eat for dinner tonight. He’s confused by her and tired and really doesn’t care about her problems. And him saying he doesn’t care stays still as they begin their adventure but over time he does care, in his own way.

“Say, is that the kid from the milk carton?”

Cala trying to figure out who Dream actually is since she didn’t realize it was actually him at the time.

“Can I do anything when I'm also missing?”

Cala thinking about if she can help Dream fully while wondering if she can help herself with her own problems- and even though her problems are different than his they’re both in the same boat now.

“Something tells me kid

Never learned to swim

But can I do anything when I'm also drowning?”

Cala thinks that Dream really never learned how to actually solve his problems and only provided temporary solutions or extreme solutions that involved him hurting himself or others, and she wants to help him learn that there’s other ways. But she also does that in a way by being more impulsive with her choices- and again they’re both stuck in the same boat with the same problem and they’re both dealing with it in different ways.

“Think I forgot a couple things

My brain is still at home

Home's far away”

Cala missing home or what she remembers of home before she realized how really corrupt the entire land is, but she misses that ignorance.

“I really thought that life was one big race

But now I know it's one big chase”

Cala was always taught by her dad that life was one big race and that she needs to be on the top no matter what. And she kept some of that advice which is why she is dedicated to be a bard and one of the best storytellers in the land. But now she realizes that the world isn’t like that and it’s a “fish eat bigger fish” world and it honestly scares her since she sees Dream, a mighty sorcerer who brought fear on the land reduced to a weak mess who doesn’t remember half of his spells. And it’s a matter of time before the chase catches up to her.

“You can still win, just gotta be faster

You can, you can, you can, you can win”

a mantra she tells herself- and when she doesn’t tell herself that Spooky does, as well as the rest of the party.

“You're gonna be eaten by a coyote

Run little one

Though the pack may follow

Two quite thin, their brother fatter

You can still win, just gotta be”

Her perception changes into thinking that instead of King Schlatt and the other kings winning that she Can be smarter and more cunning, as well as being one step ahead of them.

“Oh, the air is thick

Kinda makes me sick

Can I give CPR when I'm suffocating?”

The more her and her party runs the more problems they’re creating and making a crack throughout the whole kingdoms, showing how much all of them have been hiding and although it makes her uncomfortable and she wants to help everyone she has to focus on herself even if it chokes her since the Las Nevadas Kingdom portrayed her entire party as an enemy- she doesn’t like what she’s doing but she knows it needs to be done.

Have they really domesticated me? (You can still win, just gotta be… faster!)

That prominent question being the last line in the song reminds me of Cala realizing that no, they haven’t domesticated her and she’s not loyal to anyone for the most part. She’s uncovering the flaws of the system as well as how messed up they all are for hiding certain things from the public. And she knows she can be smarter she just needs to run and continue the chase so they can make more mistakes and so the party can reveal the true nature.

-

Anyways yeah I’m normal about this song completely normal thank you for coming to my Ted talk

[waltwhitmansbeard]

I love Vamp Machina, I love the suffering and the angst, but I can please ask for some fluff and somft?

🍽️ Dinner date with Vaxleth in Vamp Machina?

Send me emoji(s) and I'll write a drabble this is the au!

There's so much that Vax can't do. Trips down to the beach and long walks through the park and a tour of the gardens in the center of the city. Lazy mornings in the first stray sunbeams and sunsets on the roof and photos during golden hour. There are so many ways, so many times he cannot bask in her light, no matter how much he wants to, no matter how beautiful he knows she'd be in the full glory of day.

So instead, he does this. Flowers at the front door. Holding out her jacket so she can slip her arms in. A moonlit stroll through town to an undisclosed location. The entire time she's peppering him with guesses, a twenty-questions style investigation to figure out where he's taking her—but he hasn't lived this long by spilling secrets too early. He even takes the long way, hoping the circuitous route throws off her expectations, which it does, so she's perfectly surprised when a quick turn between buildings has them stumbling out right on the edge of the property of the city zoo.

"The zoo?" Keyleth's face crumples in confusion. "It's...the middle of the night. They've been closed for hours."

Vax smirks and says drolly, "Oh no, they've been closed for hours. If only I weren't burdened with this deep, abiding respect for the laws and customs of mortals."

She makes a face. "We can't break in."

"Of course we can't." In a flash, she's in his arms and he's jumping, an impossibly high arc up over the outer wall that ends with an eerily smooth landing onto the pebbled walkway of the zoo interior. He sets her down gently. "We can jump in, however."

He watches her chew on her lip, her curiosity clearly starting to edge out over her better judgement. He helps her along by taking her hand, tugging her along. "C'mon. I've got it all set up over here."

There's a little spot just in front of the gray wolf enclosure, with unobstructed view into their rambling range and enough space on the ground for him to have set up a large picnic blanket, the basket waiting for them. Her jaw drops. "How...?"

He settles atop the blanket and begins pulling out containers of food. "One day, you're going to stop being surprised by the things I can do. I, for one, am very glad that day is not today." He pats the blanket next to him, and she sits. "I picked salads because I figure meat dishes are not ideal when we're observing wolves."

Keyleth grins, accepting her salad. "Why the wolves?"

Vax shrugs. "They're nocturnal, so they're going to be active while we're here. They're beautiful, of course, and...wolves lives in families, big communities where everyone takes care of each other. They're pretty inspirational."

She nudges him with her foot. "You're a big sap sometimes, you know that?"

He smiles, because it's true. Just then, one of the wolves comes loping closer to the giant glass barrier, and Keyleth gasps, watching the majestic creature as it passes by, its fur a silvery gleam in the moonlight. Vax can't look away from her awe, her fascination with the the scene in front of her.

"Oh, if he weren't incredibly deadly, I'd cuddle the hell out of him."

Vax pouts. "I thought I was the only incredibly deadly thing you wanted to cuddle."

She feigns thoughtfulness. "You know, werewolves are so furry and warm..." She lets out a shriek as he leaps forward to tickle her sides. "Kidding! I'm kidding!"

From a distance, one of the wolves lets out a baleful howl, and they freeze, the sound reverberating through their bones. It is haunting and beautiful and thrilling, and for a moment, they're not on the cement floor of a city zoo, but far away, deep in the wilderness, away from his baggage and her responsibilities, the only two people left in the world.

"This is amazing," she breathes, and when she turns her head to look at him, he's right there, waiting to capture her lips in a kiss. She tastes like the night air and her honey lip balm, sweet and crisp and warm.

[systemrestart]

Remi's 2023 favorites!!

I used to do this on twitter but given what's happened to that site, I'm doing it over here this year! This was a brutal year for me MH wise, but at least I was introduced to some good stuff.

List under the cut

Starting off strong with my favorite thing of the whole year......

[FAVORITE VISUAL NOVEL]

Heaven Will Be Mine

Worst Girl Games has done it again. I am so glad I finally read this. Very few pieces of media have ever so perfectly captured what it means to feel 'inhuman', but still trapped by Earth's, humanity's, "gravity". The relationships between the 3 girls, and the circumstances that shaped them, put beautifully to the page feelings I know many other queer people share. There is nothing else like this out there.

[FAVORITE VIDEO GAME]

Mystia's Izakaya

Mystia's Izakaya is truly THE Touhou fangame to play. So many fun characters to get to know and serve food to, really great restaurant simulator with minor rhythm game elements, gorgeous pixel art in both character portraits and environment, so many challenges to try and outfits/music/items to unlock......!! And there's still more DLC coming out.

The love and effort put into this game is astonishing, and I am so glad I gave it a shot despite being nervous about restaurant sims. Highly recommend, even to non-Touhou fans!!!!

[FAVORITE SONG]

Psi

The lyrics seem to be a criticism of the extreme pace of 'content consumption' online nowadays, which I have mixed feelings on, but regardless, the song itself is absolutely killer. Particularly the verses. The effects with the TVs during the second verse are also great, capture the chaotic and mildly ominous energy of the song extremely well. This is definitely the song I listened to the most this year

[FAVORITE MOVIE]

Glass Onion

Watched this at the very beginning of the year. One of the best live-action movies I've seen in a long time, genuinely brilliant. Really hoping for more Knives Out films, they've knocked it out of the park so far. I also think this one and the first Knives Out will be very rewarding to revisit

[FAVORITE ANIME/SHOW]

I didn't watch anything this year. whoops

[FAVORITE MANGA]

Until I Love Myself

Most of the books and manga I read this year were autobiographical/semi-autobiographical, and this was one of my favorites. This is about a nonbinary mangaka dealing with sexual harassment as a editing job, and the subsequent struggles they have with PTSD, navigating life in the wake of the #MeToo Movement, and their difficult feelings on their gender and body, and how those things affect how others treat/see them. Reflected a lot of my own feelings and thoughts on these things, and very insightful. Can be a rough read at time, but I highly, highly recommend it.

[FAVORITE BOOK]

Stone Butch Blues

Absolutely life-changing read. It is extreme heavy, deals in police violence (including sexual violence inflicted upon LGBT people), labour rights and protests, severe discrimination based on gender and presentation, extreme poverty in part due to said discrimination, difficult and multifaceted relationships between queer women and lesbians......... there is a lot here. It is raw, and real, and while there is agonizing hardship here, there is also incredible, deep love, for the community that keeps up afloat, keeps us going. Please, if you can stomach the content, I beg of you all to read Stone Butch Blues if you haven't.

..... aaaand that's it I think!! Happy new year y'all!

[perenlop]

Top five anime

oh god forgetting every anime ive ever watched

5. fullmetal alchemist brotherhood/2003 (very different shows ik but i can never decide which i like more). i really love the world presented in these shows, i love the themes of how human we all are at the end of the day. i love all the ways they play with science and real life alchemy, and all the interesting things that come from it... like how do you even come up with alphonse's entire ordeal? it's so unconventional and yet it's handled near perfectly and we get all the drama and situations that come from a boy being tied to a suit of armor.

4. death note. tbh i mostly agree with what everyone else says about the show, it's super engaging and it's fun to see the game of cat and mouse that L and Light play. both of them are super interesting characters and its fun trying to figure out their plans only to be thwarted. again, it's a non conventional idea, but death note embraces the fantasy aspects really well while being more focused on the corruption of light and him trying to keep himself from getting caught. sadly tho i do have to agree with a lot of people that the latter half of the show with nate isn't nearly as good. i like the stuff that happens like light's dad dying but i just kinda missed L the entire time

3. cowboy bebop. this is a show i might have to digest some more bc it does require more thinking, and i may have to rewatch it to fully appreciate it, but i really enjoyed it! space western is a genre i've never thought about, but it's a very natural combination and I think this show really captured that. I love it's main theme of living in the present, it's kind of unlike most shows i've seen. at first i didn't appreciate not having the backstory of most of the characters since they seemed so important to the episodes, but that's kind of the point. we don't NEED to know every little detail about their pasts. because the show is about the present and how they're coping in spite of their pasts. and it works because it's unfair how these people are still suffering for what happening in their past, even despite everything they've accomplished in the show. it's a very bittersweet show and i enjoyed it. also i love edward. baby

2. trigun (i havent finished it yet though). i can't say much abt the entire thing but i LOVE all of the characters a ton. i love vash himself the most, i love silly characters that are actually extremely genuine and tragic at their core. he's got one of the most compelling backstories i've seen so far and i'm excited to see how his arc concludes in the show. the other characters are also extremely good! i love meryl and milly a lot and how they're actually kind of more of a threat than vash, and how they have a vitriolic relationship with him but grow to genuinely care about him. wolfwood is also a good character to pair up with vash in a lot of episodes because he's got different ideals, and also the gun cross makes me laugh. idk i love the world and these characters and im excited to finish the show.

puella magi madoka magica. im aware that on its own, its probably not nearly as good as these other shows, but at this point the show means a lot to me. I've got a lot of good memories associated with it and its kinda helped me at a time i needed it. i love all five of the main characters a lot and each of the struggles they go through. it's another show where it's world is fully utilized in every way it needs to be for the story to work. i love all the psychological horror elements and how they're presented in an almost uncanny way. the art is beautiful and the witch labrynths are fully realized. this show is so good i can't emphasize enough how dear to me it is as this point

[liminalpsych]

Geoffrey of Monmouth: They attacked with several thousand men, and the other side had multiple thousands of men, and all but a few hundred were slain on both sides, so another person went and raised some more thousands of men from the other side of the island, and...

Me: ...you have written this sort of battle multiple times for every few generations or so. How are there any people left in Britain at all??

Geoffrey of Monmouth, blithely: "Maximianus had finally gathered up such a great host of men that he believed he would be able to subjugate all of Gaul. However, he put aside his warlike spirit for a time until the realm he had already captured was secure and he was able to repopulate it with Britons. And so he made an edict that one hundred thousand common men from the island of Britain should be mustered and report to him. Furthermore, he demanded thirty thousand soldiers as protection for those who were to remain in Armorica. Once he had done these things, he distributed these men all throughout the lands of the realm of Armorica, thus creating a second Britain..."

Me: ...HOW many?? What even was the population of Britain in the... *checks notes* 4th century?

Wikipedia: "At the end of the fourth century, it had an estimated population of 3.6 million, of whom 125,000 consisted of the Roman army and their families and dependents. The urban population of Roman Britain was about 240,000 people at the end of the fourth century."

...Oh, okay then. I guess.

The numbers I've found so far in Geoffrey of Monmouth's "History of Britain", starting a bit after the Trojans settled the island. Listing these out helped me realize that it isn't quite as ridiculous as the first impression I had, but still. (I got a little distracted and just started summarizing everything I was reading. Oh well.)

Gwendolyn musters "all the youth of that realm" (Cornwall) in war against her husband Locrinus because he starts cheating on her openly. Their armies clash. He doesn't say how many die in this one, just Locrinus who got hit by an arrow.

We get a few generations without much war. Maybe enough time to repopulate. King Ebraucus did his best to contribute to repopulation, as he had twenty sons and thirty daughters (with twenty wives). But most of them went off to Italy or Germany. (The sons led a fleet into Germany to conquer some of it.)

A few more generations pass, during which we get a random necromancer king after multiple books of nothing more fantastical than an oracular dream. He also makes wings and tries to fly? And taught necromancy throughout the kingdom? I am very confused by this part.

Then we get the King Lear story, only it's spelled Leir here, before Shakespeare's version. Lots of political and family drama. Another war, with a Gaulish army taking back Britain for Leir and his youngest daughter Cordelia. 15 years later, Cordelia's nephews are mad about a woman ruling the land, they muster up armies, more war, they divide the kingdom up between the two of them after winning. Two years after that, the nephews go to war with each other.

A bunch of generations pass. Another war between two brothers (this seems to be a theme). One brought over an army from Gaul again (I guess Gaul just really likes to support internal war in Britain), the whole army gets killed along with the one brother, mom gets upset and kills the other brother, the kingdom splits into five kings "who wage constant war on one another".

Eventually Dunwallo of Cornwall wins and becomes high king for the rest of his life. Then his sons fight over the crown after some fits and starts. "Fifteen thousand died in battle that day, and less than a thousand of the survivors escaped without a wound." The battle was between Norsemen and Britons, so it wasn't just Britons who died in this one. Later on, the one brother comes back from Gaul (of course) with an army (again), but mom interrupts and gets them to make peace with one another. Still, they've got these perfectly good armies all ready to go, so they decide to conquer Gaul, which they do over the course of a year and then push on to conquer Italy too, because why not? "At long last, after thousands of men had fallen dead on either side, the brothers were granted the victory."

Next generation, there's more war, though Geoffrey doesn't say how many people died this time. But we do get 30 ships of Basques from Spain as refugees, and the king sends them off to a not-yet-peopled Ireland (supposedly). So that probably helped with some repopulation.

A couple more generations pass. "In his days it happened that a certain king of Moray attacked Northumbria with a great force and began to ravage the countryside. Morvidus, assembling all the young warriors that he could, rushed forth and met him in battle. Morvidus by himself was a greater force in battle than the most part of the army that he led forth. And after he obtained the victory, no living man escaped death at his hands. Morvidus commanded that the prisoners be brought before him one by one, and he entertained his cruelty by slaying each one personally. When fatigue finally forced him to pause, he ordered the men who were left to have their hearts torn out and their carcasses burned." And then a sea monster comes out of the sea and is devouring the people who live by the shore, so Morvidus decides to fight it and gets eaten.

More war a couple generations later, but apparently not exciting enough for Geoffrey to describe. And then we skip over... thirty-one kings. Geoffrey lists them in order but doesn't really add any details except an occasional sentence for one or another.

Which brings us to Book Four, the "dealing with Rome" book. We get a gory play-by-play of a battle with Julius Caesar. Lots of people die (numbers aren't specified), Caesar gets kicked out. He comes back a couple years later. The king has "mustered all of the island’s young men and built a barracks near the shore where they would await the enemies’ arrival." All the young men of Briton? Cool. They win, though, after sinking a bunch of ships before they land, so they don't necessarily lose a ton of people. But then the Britons go back to in-fighting, one of them asks Caesar to come back and help. One guy takes 5,000 men and waits in a forest to ambush the vanguard, while the full remaining armies fight, implying that there are probably significantly more than 5,000 men in the armies. Where are they getting all these people? "The troops rushed together and much blood was spilled. On both sides, the wounded fell like the leaves of a tree in autumn."

Two or three kings later, another battle with Rome. And then another one.

Next king, the Picts attack along with Scythian allies. They "lay that region [northern Britain / Alban] waste". More battle, but the surviving invaders get to settle in an unoccupied part of the island.

A few kings later, more war with Rome again. "As soon as he had assembled the fleet, he gathered together a mighty force consisting of many young men of the land", more war, then Rome sends over three legions because their guy kind of went rogue. New guy wins the kingdom in battle, and then "inflicted great slaughter upon those Britons who had abandoned the Roman state and supported Carausius". So the Britons set up the Duke of Cornwall as their king instead and go to battle again. "Many thousands fell." A lot of them were Romans, but still.

Then more internal strife, the former Duke of Cornwall who became king gets killed in battle.

20 years later or so, a bunch of exiled Romans get the current king to go do battle for them in Rome. So he takes a British army and goes and conquers Rome. Like you do.

Back home, another rebellion.

"One hundred thousand common men from the island of Britain should be mustered and report to him. Furthermore, he demanded thirty thousand soldiers as protection for those who were to remain in Armorica. Once he had done these things, he distributed these men all throughout the lands of the realm of Armorica, thus creating a second Britain". Eeesh. He gives Armorica (a part of ... Gaul? I think?) to his rival-turned-ally, Conan. Conan fights off a whole bunch of Gauls and Aquitanians. After winning, Conan wants to give all of his men wives (like you do), but doesn't want them to go wholly native or "intermingle with the women of Gaul", so he asks for women from Britain. And the guy back in Britain "selected the daughters of noblemen from throughout the various provinces of Britain, to the number of eleven thousand, to which he added forty thousand women of lesser birth" and sends them over... except the entire fleet sinks. Whoops.

And then, the Huns (?? like Mongolian Huns? Really? Did they actually make it that far west? EDIT after looking it up: No, no they did not) and Picts join forces when they realize Britain doesn't have any armed men anymore, since they're all in Gaul and surrounding areas trying to conquer stuff. "They completely slaughtered the peasantry. As was mentioned above, Maximianus had taken away all the young warriors who could be found; only unarmed and infirm farmers remained behind." Maximianus sends men back to Britain, they repel the invaders who flee to Ireland, and meanwhile Maximianus and most of his remaining Britons get killed or scattered back in Rome.

The Picts, Huns, Scots, Danes, and Norsemen invade again, led by the same kings as before, because Britain had more internal strife and was vulnerable. They kill a whole bunch of people until Rome sends a legion, which drives the invaders out. Then Rome is all, "Hey, we're not doing this again, grow up and defend yourselves", and leaves, so the Britons gather anyone who's remaining and get them armed and trained. At least at this point, Geoffrey acknowledges that there aren't really any more armed forces or young men in Britain. Still, that didn't work; as soon as the Romans leave, the invaders come back and succeed this time, and kill even more people. Rome still refuses to send aid. So they go to "second Britain" / Armorica and ask for aid, and get a general with two thousand men, who is made king in a section of Britain, has three sons, and then gets stabbed to death by a Pict in his service while in the forest.

Which brings us at last to the start of Arthur's story, with Vortigern and Uther Pendragon, and I'm going to pause my reading here, because the horses need to be fed before it gets dark.

[lucifers-horror-harem]

What would ur OCs be like with the Sinclairs 🤔 I feel like Boone and Bo would either be total brodude buddies or they’d try to kill each other in 0.02 seconds.

Bo and Boone bond over their misogyny and torture basements YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!! But no really wgsvdggdgsh lemme give it a think here.

So with Bo I can see Alan having a respect for him, mainly with all the work that's put into the town and how many people they've lured and ahem populated their town with. Personality wise Bo and Alan probably wouldn't get along. There's a mutual respect but that's where it ends. Their interests and life experiences don't mesh very well, and I can see Bo not wanting to give Alan the time of day for being a "Rich guy with a stick up his ass." While Alan has been closer to poverty than Bo might realize, he does have a lot of privilege that he can't deny. So yeah. Big personality clash.

Bo and Boone on the other hand would get along famously. I think the only way the two of them would have problems is if there was a territorial thing going on. Otherwise, if they were on neutral ground first they would probably get along perfectly over beers and shit talk. They both have a similar style of capturing and killing victims, though Boone would never personally lure them in. But yeah, I really don't see them having a problem as long as they don't get too territorial lmaooooo

I can see Alan getting along slightly better with Vincent. At the very least, he would admire his art which is like... bare minimum for Vincent. While they really don't share a lot of similarities, Alan would at the very least be cordial with him and tell him that he enjoys his work. That is until he finds out there's actual corpses inside the wax figures and then he would probably be sweating on the inside trying to figure out how to get the fuck outta dodge lol

Boone has little to no interest in Vincent. He's not an art guy, he doesn't see the point in keeping all the evidence in town inside of the wax figures, and it all seems very impractical. He wouldn't outwardly be an asshole to him, but he might give him a few grunts of acknowledgement.

Lester, on the other hand, Alan might be a bit in over his head with. Alan would never be able to handle all the road kill and the pit and the smell of everything so he would probably look like death any time he would have to be in contact with Lester as he tries his damndest not to let his stomach turn. Internally he thanks God that Boone is far more manageable.

Boone and Lester would probably get along in the way of a brother type relationship. I can totally see Boone just playing the dickhead older brother type role and making constant jokes and teasing him. It's all pretty lighthearted though, and I can see Boone being the type to try to play wingman for Lester and utterly failing cause he just comes off as a dirty old man. Poor Lester lmao

[hircyon]

How big is the Dread Horizon crew and what are they like?

The Dread Horizon crew is 15 strong, though we haven't named or even fully conceptualized all of those characters.

Their basic timeline, what Moonlenoircrow has figured out so far, is:

0 ABY: Aria Zahir, youngest daughter of a prominent Black Sun family on Ord Mantell, buys a ship from a pair of Xextos on the stipulation that they remain as her first crewmembers. At first, she isn't necessarily decided on being a pirate. About 6 months later, she meets a pair of Duros and Kyuzo ex-smugglers and hires them both as navigator and gunman, respectively. Over the next 5 years, Zahir amasses the majority of her crew by circumstance and turns full time to piracy.

This is mostly a whim for her, as a woman with a significant nest egg back home and an automatic connection with the Black Sun, but she treats the lives of her crew and the success of their enterprise deadly seriously. It does mean they don't deal in spice unless it's for Black Sun contracts, to avoid a conflict of interest that could turn bloody.

6 ABY: Zahir's original first mate is killed on a mission. The crew takes it hard. This is the first death on the team. They're tight knit and loyal, so the crew mourns him and celebrates his time with them. Zahir doesn't immediately start seeking a new first mate; everyone has their place and nobody was as perfectly calibrated for the job as their original man. To hire someone new, now, would be a major adjustment. She waits for providence to provide, essentially. In the meantime, the Duros navigator is persuaded to take the majority of a first mate's responsibilities to keep the ship running smoothly.

7 ABY: Zahir hires a Weequay bodyguard and his younger cousin (who's been traveling with him) as extra muscle and security, specifically in response to the first mate's death.

9 ABY: The Dread Horizon is restocking on a planet with a known slave market (by necessity; they've been staunchly avoiding all slave trade because they may be pirates, but they still have subjective morals). A seemingly feral Phindian in slave clothes breaks into one of their ration crates and viciously headbutts the Weequay enforcer, which necessitates a bit of creative problem solving.

The crew doesn't want to shoot what is clearly an escaped slave and draw that kind of attention. Iri'Ka, the Kyuzo gunner, is the one who comes up with the plan to capture the feral little Phindian--and that's how Zeeyal eventually comes to join the crew. Iri'Ka just has a gut feeling that he needs to save Zeeyal, rather than stunning him and leaving him in the street. Zahir trusts him enough to give him the opportunity to prove something to her.

Overall, the crew is loyal to each other and their captain above all else. They work as a cohesive unit because of their unified purpose and strong interpersonal bonds. They're not quite found family as a whole group, but there are smaller groups within the crew that would qualify. There are members (the cook and the engineer specifically) who personally dislike Zeeyal quite a lot, and would disagree with the decision to promote him to first mate later, but they choose to value their respect for Zahir and their understanding of what's necessary to keep the crew alive over their opinions. For the most part. They'll still bitch about Zeeyal being a horny, irritating creature, but he takes his job as first mate seriously and they show him the respect expected of the title when they're working.

[chaoslulled]

so… what are we now? * jean / reiner.

like a cat / he crawls between his legs where he's laying on the couch, props his head up on his hands and his chest. eyes are careful as they regard him; the way the sun is peeking through the windows in that warm late afternoon glow, the way that his hair is tucked behind his ears and his eyes are open –– honest. personally, he could take a thousand photos of jean and never actually capture the beauty of him.

but the question makes his heart choke up into his throat and his eyes widen; they've been dancing around this for months and he knows it. there's never been any hiding how he's felt; even back in the cadet days, eyes straying to the other as they moved as a unit, knowing one another like the back of their palms. and even in the moments when jean had grabbed him and held him tight inside of the attack titan's body. and the moments when afterward, the rumbling silent and lives rebuilding –– a loft made for their heights, windows that arch perfectly like they were designed, the wider door frame, the porch, the gardens out back. those weren't reiner's ideas, not fully –– those were jean's, implemented in his own home after jean had come here.

and then there's that night they spent together –– jean on his knees and reiner out of his mind, the whispers of good boy echoing around in his head until he was drunk. the way that jean had gripped his shoulders and connected their lips and rode him with reckless abandon. the way that they curled up together afterward in a bath tub that was far too small for them; the skin contact, the morning after with breakfast and sheepish glances with bruises peeking across pale skin.

friend's don't do this. how many times has that been their mantra since it's all began? but now it's on the percipience, and reiner can see himself hanging off the walls of shiganshina. if he takes this step off, will jean be there to catch him?

teeth worry at a bottom lip, hand reaching down to untuck ashy hair. it falls around his shoulder, the fading bruising of purple on his throat flashing for a moment. it makes him tighten up but he breathes through it. how many chances is reiner going to get like this? how many more times does he have to step into the territory and retreat before he cowers? before he watches jean move on and have it with someone else because he was too afraid of an answer?

his tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth and he breathes out carefully through his nose once more before he speaks. tries to find the right words. tries to be confident. but the word is quiet when it comes out, like he's afraid that jean's not going to agree. " lovers. "

[iamnotawomanimagod]

how would you rank the Halsey albums, if you had to?

Hmmm... tough question, anon. It's not really set in stone! But if I had to rank them right now:

4. Hopeless Fountain Kingdom

This album does have some absolute bangers on it. I still love "100 Letters" and "Devil in Me" and "Don't Play" sooo much. But there are enough songs on it that I am not absolutely obsessed with to keep it in last place.

I still love it, though! It's one of my favorites to blast while I'm cleaning. And I still think it had the best aesthetics - I loved all the bright colors, and the Romeo + Juliet references (I am a sucker for Baz Luhrmann,) and the way she color-blocked different parts of the era. We also got so many great performances from it!

3. Manic

I will always treasure this album for the way it allowed Halsey to open up and be more personal in their songwriting. It was a beautiful, broken, bipolar little era. Came out right when the pandemic began, but had such a long lead-up that the era both never quite started and simultaneously felt complete before it really ended.

"Ashley" is probably my all-time favorite song by them. The pastel/playful color palette was really pretty and fun. It's a great album - but I don't love most of the second half, and I think the bonus tracks were absolutely robbed by not being included in the official release.

2. Badlands

Without this record, we wouldn't have Halsey. They introduced themselves as a visual artist with an edgy, neon aesthetic, reflected in the videos and their style at the time. That iconic blue hair and the leather and galaxy print and skater skirts. It was such a cool era visually, never a dull moment.

There aren't any songs on this album I don't absolutely adore. Although the lyrics are simplistic (they've come a long way as a songwriter,) they capture a really specific vibe that fits so well with the industrial-pop sound. There truly isn't a bad song from this era, even if there are some I like more than others. With songs like "Gasoline" and "Hurricane" and "Young God," it was hard to imagine a more iconic time for Halsey's career. She had come so far, and created really interesting bodies of work with her second and third albums, but for me personally, nothing really had the It Factor of Badlands. Not until...

1. If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power

A masterpiece. Visually stunning and aesthetically cohesive - goth-rock with a renaissance edge, lots of lace and chiffon, and black and crimson, and dramatic shapes. Releasing an IMAX film with a story that weaves perfectly into the real-life details Halsey divulges in the lyrics - brilliant. Epic storyteller material. And the lyrics themselves are fresh and exciting, with more complexity than ever before. There are only two songs on this album that I don't absolutely adore, and I still really really like those songs.

The mystery leading up to it made hearing the songs for the first time so much more exciting, and really gave me a chance to appreciate the album as a whole, cohesive piece. That was refreshing and impressive after Manic, especially considering that they had a baby and maintained a makeup line and filmed an entire movie, which she developed the looks for - I think they worked really, really hard to deliver something complete, and they knocked it out of the park. I want another single though. "Honey" deserves a video.

I think my only criticism for this era is that so much of it is behind a paywall. Don't get me wrong, Halsey deserves to be paid for all the work they did, and so do all the people who helped make this album possible. But at the same time, while I was fortunate enough to be able to see things like the IICHLIWP film and the Moment House performance, I know a lot of people had to miss them. Since a tour is really unlikely at this point, I hope the visuals and performances that are available become more accessible with time.

Thanks for the ask, anon! Y'all know I love the opportunity to ramble about Halsey. 🥰

[herald-divine-hell]

The prompt "Kissing your lover when they ask you why you've been avoiding them, not realizing it's because you're jealous that they've been hanging out with [a potential love interest]" for Katherine and Amayian? ✨

Amayian felt his stomach turned, tumbled, and churned, as if he was thrown in a violent, rapid river which swiftly ran out into a whirlwind at sea. But he kept it back, pushed hard against it as much as he could. He was the Lord Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste - something like this should not had bother him so; and yet, it did.

He could see the concern in the blue-green of Katherine's eyes, a shimmering of light burnishing it softly like sun-flame spilling upon the surface of a sea, wavering to one color and than the next; an eternal dance of blues and greens and golds. She had planted herself in front of him, barring his pass through the door which led out to Josephine's office. Hands planted on her hips, besides the concern, her face was cold and sharp enough to be carved from mountain-stone. Lips were drawn into a tight line, her scar becoming more wicked, more harsh, at the act. Her pale golden-silver hair shimmered like molten moon and starlight, glimmering as if gems were strewn about it. His fingers itched to untangle them from her braid, to rake his fingers through them softly.

"I will not have you ignoring and invading me as if I had the Taint, my lord." Her Orlesian accent was thicker, filled with brimming fire and heat, lashing like bolts of lightning, and within her eyes the fire rose as if it was a rearing lioness, a wall of flame. "You will tell me what is wrong."

In truth, Amayian held no doubts that he could easily lift her and place her to the side. He was half-tempted to. That would get a blush on her cheeks, he thought with, a bubble of amusement and affection whispering in his heart. He only said, "It is nothing to be worried over, Katherine." His voice came out colder than he would liked; and he had been doing so well. But emotions always confused him, tumbled him up so much so that whenever he thought he had a grasp on it, it shattered in his hand and he had to reforge it once more. The cold harshness of it froze away any amusement which came from the previous thought, his blood running cold, icy fingers seizing his heart in a hard, chilling grip. Softer this time, he murmured, "It's nothing, I promise you."

It did not deter her, and once more she raised the question, marching forward until she was close enough that he could see the top of her sun-lit head. The pale light twined silver, like a crown of moonlight and sunlight, but the fierceness of her eyes smouldered a greater fire than the forges of the sun, and far more intense. Heat touched his cheeks, a brief spark of warmth that swiftly spread until it seemed to drip down his neck and across his shoulders. She waited there, beneath his nose, arms crossed over her chest. She seemed as perfectly still as stone, and no doubt he would had an easier time moving the Frostbacks than convincing her otherwise.

Swallowing, he said, “It’s foolish.” And it was. Being so wrapped up in such silly worries was unfitting and could nearly get one of them hurt. And not telling her is hurting her as much, a wisp of a voice called out, distant and faint. Glancing away, unable to meet her stare, sudden shamed held him in a tight hold, and he wished for the ice wall that once armored him against such things. It almost had been simpler, back than, when emotions seemed as distant as the sun and hollow like a cavern. Now they bundled together, shattering walls, shadowy and unknown, a whipping storm which threw him about. And yet...and yet...at moments, light would stream through, as clear and brilliant as silver glass and as sweet as water in an oasis. Light always streamed through, shattered the storm a little, whenever Katherine was near.

He did not remembered when he lifted her up, nor remembered his lips on hers; but he felt her fingers stroking through his hair, her legs wrap around his waist, and her soft lips, scarred as they were, melting against him. They found a movement, twining heart and soul in an embrace Amayian did not wish to loose. The storm waned into a drizzled, the dark clouds withering and coiling in thin streams, as great and wide rails of sunlight filled his limbs and minds, roused his heart in massive leaps and beats.

When they pulled away, Katherine’s cheeks were inflamed with scarlet roses. The blue was darkened, swallowing the green like a sapphire-blue flame glimmering within an emerald gem, a widening hole of light within the darkness of the storm. A smile touched her lips, fond and sweet. It took more energy not to kiss her again. The effort was strong.

He pressed his forehead against her, and she leaned into the touch as eagerly, as softly. “You deserve better, mon amour.” Amayian lifted his head and laid a kiss to her forehead, erupting giggles from his little Seeker. That brought a smile to his own lips, against the warm skin of her head. Her fingers did not cease stroking the nape of his neck, or halting another in twirling a dark curl.

She captured his lips into another kiss as he pulled away, one more lighter and gentler then before. Against them, he felt her hum. “No, I do not think so. I could tell you were worried - no doubt from my recent actions with the Iron Bull, I presume?”

Heat dug deeper into his skin, and he pressed his face against the nape of her hair, in hopes of hiding it as much as to feel her against him. “Yes,” he mumbled against her skin.

Her words were soft whispers in his ears, fond and holding no hints of malice or irritation. His heart nearly burst at them. “Oh, Amayian, I did not mean anything behind it. You hold my heart, just as the mountains hold up the sky. You are my world. I never meant to hurt you.” He was pulled away from her neck, and another kiss was laid upon his lips. “Now these words to be true. I do love you.”

Wetness slicked his cheeks, and he felt her fingers swept them away and her lips scattering them with soft kisses. But he stopped her, drawing her close for another kiss, feeling his tears on her lips, and gently sweeping his tongue over her bottom lip to be rid of them. He murmured in between how she was his stars within an never-ending darkness, of how much he adored her, and of how much he was thankful for her.

And as the blue skies melted to orange and violets, as the stars were lit by the coming of the night in shines of silver and white and gold, and as the sun dwelt its fiery crown beneath the horizon for rest, Amayian knew he was home.

[arreisstorm]

This was such a beautiful speech, collective thoughts and feelings full of love, hope, and healing.

Honestly, I think Jungkook's story perfectly captured the significance of both OT7's relationship with each other, as well as the similar relationship that ARMY and BTS share.

He mention how, one night, after COVID hit, Namjoon turned to him and said, as he looked out the window up at the sky, he could no longer see the stars. Jungkook then replied, when he looked himself, he saw his own reflection, and then he looked again and saw all of their reflections together. These words hit deep because in a way, this basically conveys to me, that, despite all of the darkness and uncertainty, these boys still find comfort and a source of reassurance within each other; that, no matter how impossible or overwhelming the situation may be, they have become each other's stars, each other's light. This is exactly how ARMY feels towards BTS, whether they're on stage surrounded with millions, or doing a broadcast from inside their room, these 7 always provide us with an overabundance of love and acceptance. They are a representation of hope for us, an understanding shoulder to lean on, a safe place to turn to, they are our home 💜

I can't explain the amount of gratitude and thankfulness that I feel towards UNICEF and those in charge at the United Nations who allowed BTS, to speak at the United Nations General Assembly for a 2nd time. I know some might still only see these boys as "another K-pop group", but they are so much more than that. Their influence spreads far beyond the confinements of that industry.

Yes, to some they might only seems like 7 individuals from South Korea who make music for a living, but the emotions they are able to bring out of you through said music, it speaks volumes. Their lyrics, their words, they hold a unmistakable power to them, and the sentiments they share are completely genuine. They are able to command a great deal of respect with both these attributes and many more, yet they always carry out these actions from a place of humility. They've broken countless mind-blowing records, and have etched their name into history, but even with all of the success and shining lights, BTS are still always down-to-earth, and they are realists; they know that fame is fleet and all of it could disappear in a matter of minutes, which is why they never take a single second for granted. They've addressed this topic multiple times in their songs, and now that we see through the events of COVID what true horrors can lie within reality, the words becomes so much more real.

You know what else becomes more real though? The love BTS has for one another and the love they have for ARMY. That's why they've been saying how much they miss us and how much we mean to them. Ya I know this has happened ever since their debut, but have you noticed as of recently the boys say it every second they get the chance to? With this newly found distance, and the immense sadness and depression that we've all felt from the effects of COVID, these words have become even more important. They've become a renewal of positivity for the hopeless, as well as a life raft for both myself and countless others.

"We'll meet on stage again one day."

"We'll be together soon."

These words have become so much more than statements, so much more than spoken sentences, they are a promise. They are a promise that we hold dear, a promise that gives us a goal to work towards, a promise that solidifies the unbreakable bond we share and that, no matter what amount of distance is placed in between us, this will never change. It's a promise that allows us this vision of a clear and beautiful sky beyond the clouds of gray hanging over us. These words make me emotional every time I hear them because I know they come straight from the heart and are always said with so much conviction, longing, sincerity and vulnerability, it's impossible not to feel the powerful meaning that encompasses them.

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From 2018:

"Love Yourself, Speak Yourself"

To 2020:

"Life Goes On, Let's Live On"

Their messages of hope and healing have never once wavered. Whether it's killing it on stage surrounded by millions of ARMY bombs and loud cheers, or simply doing a VLive or YouTube broadcast from inside their own room just having a one-on-one chat, these 7 have still found ways to make the world a brighter and better place, sharing with us their laughter, tears, and feelings of pure joy and love to help us get through this battle. They've made life a little easier to handle. This simple fact, along with a multitude of others: charity donations, humanitarian campaigns collaborations, and serving as global ambassadors for several non-profit organizations, BTS have rightfully earned the title of "This Generation's Leaders".

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜