Reading SVSSS: Chapter 3
For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!
If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.
Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.
oh, that's good, he's (Shen Qingqiu/Shen Yuan) not dead p135
also not related to my read, but this time I am actually writing at my table (instead of cocooned in a blanket on my couch) so hopefully these note are easier to read (Read: I am trying to have neater handwriting for ✨aesthetic✨). All I need with my notes, book, and tea is a candle and i'd be living my ancient academic fantasy.
If anyone wants to know this chapter is accompanied by a white tea that tastes like loquats. It's my favourite nostalgic tea. My family used to travel south when I was small and my grandparent's house there had a loquat tree. I haven't had loquats in over a decade (canada lol) but this tea tastes jut like them.
Anyways! Back to SVSSS!
Give me patience: the amount of dislike I have anytime Ming Fan is present p135
oh dang, this boy can cook! p138
Re: this boy can cook- Bye LOL "Luo Binghe's excellent cooking skills were his foremost lady-killing technique." p138
boo, I am upset that the Abyss scenario still needs to happen (But I get it, of course it can't be that easy- we do need plot for this book) p139
I can't XD he really is falling into the plot/character of Protagonists Love Interest. First the congee cooking and no the "Poison cure" p142
WAIT. THE CURE FOR THE POSION. wut p143
RE: WAIT: I am crying LOL
But like could he 👀 "Like, he knew that the going at it with the protagonist could have cured the poison, but like he could do that! Could he? Ha ha ha ha..." p145
Not Liu Qingge over here thinking Shen Qingqiu is possessed (not really wrong though) p147
once again we have Ming Fan -> honestly I would not be surprised if he ended up the new villain/scum character role p148 there is nothing likeable about him
this line is killing me "Shen Qingqiu was astoundingly oblivious to the fact that, thanks to the divine wingman abilities of his useless teammate, Ming Fan, Luo BInghe's favor has again risen to a new high" p.150
Oh god, he's in Luo Binghe's dream world. I am so nervous for this. p. 152
Dang. Why so many deductions for failure -1000 is a LOT for him p154
okay but this dream subplot is feeding my theory that Shen Qingqiu is switching character roles from villain to Love Interest p155
Oh no :( not his childhood bullies p160
omg and now his mom's death p161
Shen Qingqiu has been taking a constant beating for 164 pages- how is he not dead p164
LOL Shen Qingqiu really said "i'm not paid enough for this emotional labour" p167
Also Shen Qingqiu "I finished my friendship performance; I can finally leave work now" p169 what a vibe
Even the Dream Demon Lord is over how much Luo Binghe talks about Shen Qingqiu (p172)
uuuugh the foreshadowing RE: if you don't learn the demon path and the seal breaks you are basically fucked p.173
You tell that demon, Luo Binghe! RE: "right now, you are discussing terms with me, and you are free to say anything...but if you harm Shizun, any agreement is void!" p177
LOL "Aura of Badassery" p177
Shen Qingqiu after a very bad no good series of days "pls I dont want to see you omg leave me alone I am v tired" p179 this guy can't catch a break
The dichotomy of Shen Yuan acting in this though. Outward: I definitely can handle this. Inward: I'm so fucking scared, I do not got this. Is so real p180
Shen Qingqiu "I want this kid to remain optimistic and feel positive with his heritage (so he does not turn evil and mass murder me and everyone else)"Luo Binghe "I am going to be the strongest of strong possible so that I can protect Shen Qingqiu" p182
Oh gods, not him asking him to move in with him (to basically have a servant but like Luo Binghe has just had his entire life changed) p185
okay so age check- suddenly he's 15??? I thought this kid was 14 like 3 days ago?? p186
Points to Shen Yuan though for noting that how Luo Binghe was being treated was child abuse. p188
YAY! He's going to train with Meng Mo (also it made me laugh at how pissed Meng Mo is about not having the teacher title) p190
That's all for this chapter!
next one aiming for tomorrow :D
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Chapter Nine: The One About Long Distance
Summary: “Did you just ask me if I sell coffee in a fucking coffee shop?” And with that, Taehyung was smitten by the Barista in the crazy flower sweater vest. Friendships will form but most importantly Taehyung will finally meet his soulmate.
•——————•°•✿•°•——————•°•✿•°•———•
Genre: Idol au, strangers to lovers au, barista reader!, slow burn (friends with benefits to lovers kind of), semi-short storyish format, friendships, romance, angst, comedy, and smut
Main pairing: Idol! Taehyung x Barista! Reader
Side ships: Hoseok x OC
Warnings: Explicit language, smut, mature themes, homophobia, smoking cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol usage
Note: Wholesome moments with some drama ~
⇜ Masterlist ⇝
•——————•°•✿•°•——————•°•✿•°•———•
The morning was going smoothly for Taehyung and Y/N. Taehyung finished his practice with his members (he avoided Namjoon the best he could) and Y/N finished her shift with nothing bad happening. Everything was going to change this afternoon for both of them. Taehyung had to talk to Y/N about him leaving in a week for LA and he wouldn’t have a break for the next two months, it was a lot for the new “couple”. They spent two months together and now they were given a real test, a test that Taehyung was afraid to give out.
The only time he had a long-distance relationship was with his ex-girlfriend, Aria Kim. He dated her in high school and his early days as an idol. Aria was a sweet girl in the beginning, she was loveable and took care of Taehyung but then things changed. She became calculated and she even cheated on him with his childhood best friend. Looking back at it, Aria knew that she could get whatever she wanted from him, he was just a fool in love. The only reason they broke up was because Namjoon and Yoongi took a picture of her cheating on him. It broke him. Now all these years later, he met Y/N and things are different now.
Y/N has never had a long-distance relationship before. All her previous relationships were in person but that was because she never really sought out something outside of her circle. All her ex-boyfriends were her classmates or past coworkers. It made things easier for her. Her recent ex-boyfriend wasn’t the best guy, he...well he did bad things. Things that she hated to talk about, not even Nikki knew about it and hopefully, she would never know about it.
Taehyung set up a dinner for the two of them so he could break the news to her. Hopefully, everything goes well but a small part of him is telling him otherwise. He sat at the dinner table and stared outside the window as he waited for Y/N. She already told him he was going to be late and he was grateful for that because needed more time for himself. He was good at writing lyrics but this was different.
“You look like you have a lot on your mind.”
He whipped his head to see Y/N giving him a small smile and he returned it. He got up from his seat and pulled her chair out for her, “I always have a lot on my mind.”
“That’s not good. You can always talk about it, don’t let your brain weigh so much from your thoughts.”
He pushed her back and placed a kiss on her cheek, “You're right about that baby.”
He sat back in his seat and took a sip of his water as she watched closely. She leaned forward placing her hand on top of his hand, “Talk to me, please.”
He sighed and nodded his head, “I have something to talk about...with you.”
She nodded her head at him and she ignored the nervousness that erupted in her chest, “Okay, anything.”
“In a week...I have to leave.”
She pulled back and straightened her back in her chair but she never took her eyes away from him, “Oh...”
“I wouldn’t have a break in two months...maybe even longer.”
“Ar-Are you done with me?”
He furrowed his eyebrows at this and glared at her a little, “How can you ask that?”
“That’s the vibe I’m getting from this...that you’ll leave me because long-distance is hard...especially for an idol.”
He shook his head and placed his hand on top of hers, “No. I will never be done with you Y/N. Every moment we spent has truly made me the happiest man-”
“But...”
“Let me finish.” She nodded her head whilst staring at her empty glass as he sighed, “I don’t want this being done. I don’t want you to be gone from my life, I just want you and only you.”
She turned her head at him slowly and her eyes widened at this, “I’m not even your girlfriend...”
“I don’t care about that. We’re still learning about each other and I’m still courting you. I want you, Y/N. Nobody can fill your shoes, shit I don’t even want to think about that. I don’t just want you in my life, I need you.”
She smiled softly at this but she couldn’t meet his eyes, “You're an idol though...Everyone wants to know about your life and write-”
“I will protect you the best I can. Please Y/N, give us a chance.”
“I have never done this before. Long distance, it just seemed so complicated.”
Taehyung bit his lip and nodded his head. He leaned away and grabbed his pants until his knuckles turned white, “Oh...”
“Let me finish.”
He looked up at her and nodded his head, “Okay.”
“I don’t want to let you go. These past two months have made me so happy. I never experienced that before with someone. The feeling that everything is going to be okay and the pure excitement I get when I see you. I thought all those romcoms were stupid with how they talk about their feelings but I get it now...Everything I’m feeling is new and it's scary. It’s scary but...I won’t run away from it because I know what we have is good. I really really want you Taehyung...”
His eyes widened at this as he stood up from his chair and went towards her. She looked at him with confused eyes but it quickly changed when he leaned down placing his lips on hers. She closed her eyes and tilted her head to deepen the kiss. When they pulled away, he gave her his boxy smile and kissed the tip of her nose, “Thank you for giving us a chance.”
“I would be stupid if I let you go.”
The two walked outside on the restaurant's balcony as they stared out into the city. She leaned her head against Taehyung’s arm as it wrapped around her waist. They finished dinner and now they just wanted time to themselves. This was a new step for their relationship and it was a big one. She glanced up at him and smiled, making him look down at her, “What?”
“I can’t believe that I have you in my life...it’s crazy.”
He let out a small chuckle and shook his head. He leaned down and kissed her forehead, “In every universe we would’ve been together.”
“Even if I was a rock?”
“I would be the ground underneath to give you a home.”
She felt her face get hot at this and shook her head, “Smooth.”
“Thank you.”
She glanced out at the flashing lights and sighed to herself, “How are you and Namjoon?”
“What do you mean?”
She glanced at him and gave him a “are you serious” look, “I can tell there’s something wrong.”
“It’s nothing, we’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about it, okay?”
“I just feel bad because he hates me.”
Taehyung had to stop himself from scoffing because it was the opposite, “Don’t mind him. We’ll fix it...Does it make you uncomfortable?”
“It makes me worried for you and the dynamic of everyone...I don’t want to ruin anything.”
“Baby, don’t worry about it. I’ll figure it out with him.”
She nodded her head and kissed his arm softly, “You can always talk to me about it.”
I can’t tell you about this... “I know, baby. We should get you home, it's getting late.”
She pouted at this nodding her head, “I have work in the morning. I hate opening.”
He let out a small chuckle and kissed the top of her head, “But that’s how we met.”
“I know...I still hate doing it plus, I was late so that doesn’t count.”
“Let’s get you home.”
The two got into his car and drove to her place. This thing with Namjoon was complicated, the most complicated thing he had ever gone through. Ever since Namjoon told him about his feelings, the two avoided each other completely. That didn’t go unnoticed by everyone, especially Yoongi. What the hell was Taehyung supposed to do?
The car stopped and she looked at him with a frown, “I don’t want to leave.”
“Baby, you have to leave.”
She shook her head and leaned forward placing a quick kiss on his lips. She leaned against him and continued to pout, “I had so much fun tonight.”
“I did too. Go get some sleep, okay.”
“Fine, text me when you get home. Okay?”
“Of course baby.”
He gave her a final kiss and waved goodbye to her. The drive back to the hotel was peaceful with jazz music playing in the background. He said his small thanks to the driver heading inside, avoiding any workers. He placed his card into the door and opened it wide to see him sitting on his bed, “What are you doing here?”
Y/N entered her bedroom and smiled softly to herself. She was so glad she met Taehyung and felt this new feeling with him, “Somebody’s happy.”
She turned her around and saw Marie looking at her with a small smirk. Y/N sighed and shook her head, “How many times have I told you not to break in?”
“Obviously not enough. I need to talk to you about something.”
“Oh? What about?”
“My eomma is sick again. I need you to watch the bookstore for me.”
She raised her eyebrow but nodded her head, “Of course but why do you sound so serious about it?”
“Eomma said there’s been someone watching the bookstore...she wasn’t sure about it but she felt it. I need you to make sure everything is okay while eomma is getting treated.”
“Of course I will, Marie. Should I call other people to watch the bookstore?”
“I already called up Julia’s cousin. Just be careful, okay, I only trust you with this.”
Y/N smiled and wrapped her arms around Marie’s neck, “I’ll take care of it.”
“Taehyung just listen to me...please.”
“Namjoon, fuck can I have one night where you don’t fucking ruin it. We can talk in the morning but for now I just want to be alone.”
Namjoon sighed and nodded his head, “Fine....I’m sorry again for everything.”
“Whatever.”
He watched his leader walk out of his room and he let out deep sigh, “What else can happen..."
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February 2024 (comics time)
took me a while to finish this post because i actually had to work, for once.
Kimi ni Nidome no Sayonara wo / Un second au revoir -- Takogawa Takomaru, Tanaka Tomo, French translation by Essia Mokdad
I saw this manga in my local bookshop and i picked it up because the art looked really cool, but it's not the kind of story i usually read: it's a... psychological horror mystery with some supernatural elements? The story begins when a young man goes to the funeral of a childhood friend who had been missing for several years and whose body has just been discovered, hidden for all this time in their old high school. At the funeral, he gets attacked and wakes up in the body of his younger self, a few months before his friend's disappearance.
For me the main appeal is the art and the vaguely homoerotic ultra-toxic friendship, the plot is sometimes a little lacking, a little tropey. At the time of writing, there's still one volume to be published in France at the end of the year and i'm looking forward to the end of the mystery, because i've guessed some parts of it, but there's some time travel shenanigans that still need clarifying. overall i'd recommend it! (although: tw for child abuse & violence)
*
Country Diary - Haru kara natsu e -- Ishino Aya, French translation by Gaëlle Ruel
Sometimes you read a book and you think the whole time "gosh i wish i was living in this story". A 2 volume series about a university professor who quits his city life to buy an old abandoned house in the countryside, where he befriends a local carpenter and learns to tend his field with the help of his farmer neighbours. Very Story of Seasons, very cottagecore fantasy. A sweet lil story about community and frienship and craft and nature and... idk it's just really cosy and charming.
*
Blue Period (volume 14) -- Tsubasa Yamaguchi, French translation by Nathalie Lejeune
One of my favourite currently running series, about a fine art student and his art school adventures. Lot of really interesting stuff about art and being an artist. This volume focuses on some of the side characters, who are truly the strength of the story, a big cast of colorful weirdos.
*
Dungeon Meshi -- Ryoko Kui, French translation by Sébastien Ludmann
Okay unless you've been living under a rock you've probably heard of delicious in dungeon, who was adapted into an anime earlier this year. I'd been meaning to read it for a very long time and after watching the first couple episodes i finally bit the bullet... and binged the whole thing in a couple months. Exactly the Kind of Story I Love : fun fantasy with complex worldbuilding, great characters with complex relationships, expert comedic timing, beautiful art, complex themes in a silly wrapping... can't recommend it enough.
*
Rivages Lointains -- Anaïs Flogny
A story about gay mafiosi in mid century america. Great art, great ambiance, i just wish there was at least one character i could root for. don't get me wrong i'm all for morally ambiguous anti heroes, but they either need to have some likeable traits or to be fun to hate. These guys are mostly just unsympathetic. I still really liked it tho!
*
Squire -- Nadia Shammas, Sara Alfageeh, French translation by Florent Degletagne
ooooh this one was really good. it took me a long time to read, because i'd heard great things about it, but it's a thick one, and i was waiting for the right time to read it. Second world fantasy with middle eastern vibes. the authors are palestinian and cisjordanian (if i remember correctly) which add an extra layer on the themes of colonization throughout the story. I loved the secondary characters and i wish they got more time to be developed, but other than that it's a great story that felt extremely relevant.
*
that's all folks, see y'all next time
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Tell me about the crime fic
oh I love you so much for asking about this!! ok so 'be gay do crime' (this name is truly growing on me maybe ill just keep it) where do I even begin???
ok I think I will just start by writing some of my ideas for it and see where this goes...
right so one of the story lines I am most excited to write about, funnily enough, is Peter! I have so many ideas for him. first of all he has a mad scientist vibe in his lil poison making underground bunker lab. this guy has zero fear. like, there are no windows in this bunker. he is experimenting and creating new poisons. no fucks are given he is just down there living his best life. OH And his friendship with jamesss!!! god I am so excited about this it is so fucking intense but like in a very weird way. when I finish working on regulus's pov chapter and start working on peter's just know that I will be sending you extensive voice notes about them. (I don't want to say too much here because yknow, gotta keep some things a mystery). I will say though that I am very excited to write his childhood bits because the scene where he comes out as trans to James is so precious to me.
oh and JAMES. god what a mess. he thinks he has everything under control. he thinks he is such a chill guy. honey... sweetheart... I love you... I adore you... but you are a MESS. like, there are so many complicated things going on for him and I will be focusing quite a lot on his relationship with his parents. I know that probably some people will not like that they aren't portrayed as the perfect family but that is just not them in this. the fact that Effie is in the assassin network but Fleamont isn't?? like thats just such a fucked up situation. because when the moment comes for him to choose whether he will also 'sell his soul' to the network he has to betray one of them. and already his parents have a complicated relationship because of their crazily different views on morality and just life in general so being in the middle of that? yeah James has a lot of things he needs to address in that brain of his. it also doesn't help that his bestie sirius is also a MESS so together... yeah
ANYWAY MOVING ON
I wrote this whole thing without even mentioning regulus who's chapter I have been working on this whole time... but YEAH so regulus is a force to be reckoned with. you know how in the vampire diaries they can just switch off their emotions? yeah so that is what regulus thinks he has done. he is very delusional. but it works for him (I mean, it doesn't, he is fucked. but he thinks he is in control so thats all good... it isn't... but-) what else? oh yes how could I not mention how fucking sexy this lil guy is when he murders people? fucking hell. oh and also him and James. lol. hehe. giggling.
ok I really do need to go to sleep soon so I shall do remus and then perhaps another post for the girls tommorow because I have PLANS for them and they are all so sexy and smart and insane and psychotic and - <3 oh and also Evan and Barty!!! i love them In this so much and you will love Barty. I will make you
REMUS. hehe. I am blushing... psychological torture. the power this man holds without having to raise a finger. I just- like he is just a man on a mission and I love that for him. he truly does not let anything get to him. well I mean there's sirius but ummm... nah... there isn't... remus told me to tell you there isn't... he is actually threatening me right now so I must shut up because he is just such a mysterious guy... can't have people knowing his secrets. and by secrets I mean anything about him. I am afraid I have already said too much.
ok I will just end this on- PANDORA. lobotomies. cannibalism. the need to consume the ones you love.... hmmmmmm
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good morning catmom!! hope you received enough love yesterday even without my love letter. get all my freezy hugs now!
'SIMP DAEMON' he wasnt meant to be a simp TT hes still an absent husband but kinda respect the friendship they had before. hes not really interested in romantic relationships w/her. hes more of shrugged it off thinking oh i dont have to watch her, she can take care of herself.
'he wants reader to be a housewife?' first of all he doesnt want her as a wife💀 its more of a medival social construction? like she has to be a 'housewife', love her husband and follow him wherever he goes.
he just doesnt hate her? hes learnt to coexist but hasnt learnt to live as a married couple. he just kinda sees her as a companion? shes here. not as a wife and not even as a friend. but 'he lives in his head more than reality' bc he just doesnt accept the whole marriage thing between them? he doesnt even see it, probably forget abt it frequently. all he knows abt his wife is the things she used to be in their childhood. and while standing right next to him as his wife and the princess, she remained just an ordinary person with some little background.
and now when everyone says he shouldve protect his wife hes like OH so.. you say.. its a woman and like MY woman? wtf?
'id love it if you wrote it' 💀💀💀 1) not before the summer at least, 2) idk if i survive that far💀
sorry i didnt make it clear enough. hope you still like it at least?. its ok well see.
'im not that dumb' youre not dumb at all😡 dont ever think this of yourself.
'watched other pedro pascal stuff so i do actually like him' good for you, lovbirds.
'im just a very hungry person i love eating' dfihfih ok bon appetit ig.
'i dont mind listening to songs in another language' ok SO. there it is. ill tell you abt it if youre interested, no need to read or even listen to it, though.
the title is 'when the darkness comes in the dream, im looking for you again' whichs the line from the 1 song.
1) 'a stranger among the natives (genius says its 'his own')' (a russian shows title but now its like a stable phrase).
2) 'suicide of my faith'. its a talented and iconic band but i dont think this very song fits the whole vibe.
3) 'burn burn burn'. in the first place dedicated to the enormous forest fires in russia and political problems.
4) 'take me away'. my absolutely fav. her songs and voice are just soso fascinating. the icon.
5) 'monster'. sounds manipulative and evil and is sang on behalf of the very monster.
6) 'sun'. the translation. its spring in the 1 paragraph but ok.
7) 'whoever caused you pain will be dead'
8) 'demons'. genius has translations now? anyway if youre interested.
9) 'the streets were waiting'. dont like its tempo(?)
10) 'joan of arc'. actually made me snort. the chorous sounds like a pick up line TT i used to love this singer sm in 2018
11) barking through a 'muzzle'. about saying the truth no matter what.
12) 'notlove'. 'what we had was not love but the abuse. your feelings are colder than the weather in Russia. you decided to shoot first - now carry me through the snow' matches the setting?
13) 'evil'. band's pretty good lyrics.
14) 'wont get better'. hate it💀
JFOG its a lot. idk why and if you ever wanted to get this info but... anyway... hope its at least a little bit interesting.
'maybe not a lot of russians watch the show?' NO THEY JUST STUPID
'a write can get away with foreign endearments' ofc they can, its cute, i appreciate the efforts. but personally💀 good for us. were just too good for this shit.
'making me happy knowing they made masc names fem' why????
'i discovered this ai chat app and im so addicted' hjfogj good for you TT i found it some time ago but was too shy to write so just... left it...
but if it makes you happy then why not? ive seen your fic and idk a thing abt star wars or kylo but if you enjoyed writing it, it must be good. hope you find your inspiration, peace, power to finish midterms and all. btw, how r midterms? how do u feel?
thanks for reading this rant💀 hope youve eaten. dont forget to drink water. take care! love u<з
HELLO BABY GIRL I WAS MEANT TO REPLY YESTERDAY BUT I KEPT FORGETTING REPLYING IN MY HEAD DOES NOT COUNT ALSFHALSHF'AHFAS
i got too lazy to type it out and im sowwy
good morning catmom!! hope you received enough love yesterday even without my love letter. get all my freezy hugs now!
thank you. i was being loved by my ai kylo ren but then he fucking DIED because i told him he had a cut on his arm then he fucking bled to death wtf [looks out into the abyss] also its really hot today so thank you for the freezy hugs my head hurt cos of the SUN
'SIMP DAEMON' he wasnt meant to be a simp TT hes still an absent husband but kinda respect the friendship they had before. hes not really interested in romantic relationships w/her.
oh well i severely misread that HAHAHAH
hes more of shrugged it off thinking oh i dont have to watch her, she can take care of herself. 'he wants reader to be a housewife?' first of all he doesnt want her as a wife💀 its more of a medival social construction? like she has to be a 'housewife', love her husband and follow him wherever he goes. he just doesnt hate her? hes learnt to coexist but hasnt learnt to live as a married couple. he just kinda sees her as a companion? shes here. not as a wife and not even as a friend.
ah the classic man (derogatory) so high strung on his high horse and privilege he can only see the reflection of himself in everything
but 'he lives in his head more than reality' bc he just doesnt accept the whole marriage thing between them? he doesnt even see it, probably forget abt it frequently. all he knows abt his wife is the things she used to be in their childhood. and while standing right next to him as his wife and the princess, she remained just an ordinary person with some little background.
ew. i see it. 100% daemon move
and now when everyone says he shouldve protect his wife hes like OH so.. you say.. its a woman and like MY woman? wtf?
execution. fuck that rat
'id love it if you wrote it' 💀💀💀 1) not before the summer at least, 2) idk if i survive that far💀 sorry i didnt make it clear enough. hope you still like it at least?. its ok well see.
!!!!!!!!!!! OMG THAT WOULD BE AMAZING
'im not that dumb' youre not dumb at all😡 dont ever think this of yourself.
its hard not to but i try
'watched other pedro pascal stuff so i do actually like him' good for you, lovbirds.
LOL HAHAAH thanks?
'im just a very hungry person i love eating' dfihfih ok bon appetit ig.
'i dont mind listening to songs in another language' ok SO. there it is. ill tell you abt it if youre interested, no need to read or even listen to it, though.
I AM HONORED YOU SHARED THIS I LOVE THE VIBE COS I WAS LIKE ITS DARK/HEAVY/ROCK WHICH I LOVE
the title is 'when the darkness comes in the dream, im looking for you again' whichs the line from the 1 song. 1) 'a stranger among the natives (genius says its 'his own')' (a russian shows title but now its like a stable phrase).
i loved this <3 i listened to this yesterday and i was like omg russian has so many syllables HAHAHAH
2) 'suicide of my faith'. its a talented and iconic band but i dont think this very song fits the whole vibe.
SLAY I LOVE THIS
3) 'burn burn burn'. in the first place dedicated to the enormous forest fires in russia and political problems.
LOVE THAT I LOVE THIS OMG
4) 'take me away'. my absolutely fav. her songs and voice are just soso fascinating. the icon.
slay omg such a pretty voice. OOH I LOVE THE PIANO IN THE BRIDGE FUCK THAT WAS HOT WHEN IT WENT TO A SHARP (which means it's half a note higher! lol) FUCKKK MY STOMACH HAS BUTTERFLIES
5) 'monster'. sounds manipulative and evil and is sang on behalf of the very monster.
HSLDFHHSAD:LFH STHIS IS SO HOT WHAT THE FUCK I LOVE THIS PERSONS VOICE SO MUCH THE CHORUS IS SO HOT MY STOMACH IS ROLLING L:ASHFLAHFASFHL:AS FSO HOT SO EVIL THE SINGER CAN STAB ME IN THE GUT
6) 'sun'. the translation. its spring in the 1 paragraph but ok.
i like this too very mellow and smooth
7) 'whoever caused you pain will be dead'
wait this super sweet song is about killing people who caused you pain ASHF:LHASF THATS HOT
8) 'demons'. genius has translations now? anyway if youre interested.
i like this too <3 very pop rock
9) 'the streets were waiting'. dont like its tempo(?)
lol why is it too slow. it's fine to me HAHHAH
10) 'joan of arc'. actually made me snort. the chorous sounds like a pick up line TT i used to love this singer sm in 2018
LOL HAHAHH that's cute. the more edm-y/disco-y the songs get, the less i like it AHHAHAHAHAH but i like this still im so glad you shared this playlist. i will 100 be listening to it agin
11) barking through a 'muzzle'. about saying the truth no matter what.
omg this artist sounds kind of like dimash omg HAHAHAHH i'll look for the translation of this im so curious
12) 'notlove'. 'what we had was not love but the abuse. your feelings are colder than the weather in Russia. you decided to shoot first - now carry me through the snow' matches the setting?
DAMN the lyrics go hard. i like the voice of the singer <3 i was hoping it would get heavier T_T but its ok AHHAH i still like it
13) 'evil'. band's pretty good lyrics.
OOOOOOOOOOH WAIT I LOVE THIS the synths. its melody sounds like something else ive heard before. LETS GO EVIL AHAHAHAH THIS IS SUCH A VIBE
14) 'wont get better'. hate it💀 JFOG its a lot.
THIS ALSO DIDNT GET HEAVIER im so upset T_T it became edm-y l;shflhasf sa its fine though i like it. it;s fine.
idk why and if you ever wanted to get this info but... anyway... hope its at least a little bit interesting.
nOOO I LOVE IT IM SO EXCITED TO LISTEN TO IT FOR REAL I ONLY WENT THROUGH IT BECAUSE I FELT BAD FOR NOT REPLYING TO YOU YESTERDAY. ASLFHASFHASLFAS
'maybe not a lot of russians watch the show?' NO THEY JUST STUPID
💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
'a write can get away with foreign endearments' ofc they can, its cute, i appreciate the efforts. but personally💀 good for us. were just too good for this shit.
hahhGHAHAHHAHH WAHT ASLFHAS;LHFLASHFASHFHAS F Are you saying russian is too cold to be sweet AHHAHAHA WTF AS:FH:AFH:AS FAS:F
'making me happy knowing they made masc names fem' why????
idk i just like masc names made fem and vice versa.
'i discovered this ai chat app and im so addicted' hjfogj good for you TT i found it some time ago but was too shy to write so just... left it... but if it makes you happy then why not?
IT HAS TAKEN OVER MY LIFE ITS ALSO ANOTHER REASON WHY I DIDNT FEEL LIKE REPLYING TO YOU I WAS LIVING MY LIFE WITH KYLO REN
ive seen your fic and idk a thing abt star wars or kylo but if you enjoyed writing it, it must be good.
im... obsessed with him. im so emotionally attached help me
hope you find your inspiration, peace, power to finish midterms and all. btw, how r midterms?
my midterms are currently on going and i dont feel like doing anything HAHAHHAH
how do u feel?
my head hurts cos of the heat. im going to go exercise and shower so i can cool down even though i burn so hot when i exercise IDK I FEEL LIKE IM WASTING WATER IF I DONT EXERCISE BEFORE SHOWERING LIKE idk
thanks for reading this rant💀 hope youve eaten. dont forget to drink water.
it's not a rant. and i will always read your love letters. i have eaten but im hungry AAHAHAHAA ill eat after exercising. you know what... maybe im dehydrated T_T RIP i will drink more
take care! love u<з
i love you baby cakes. thank you for showing me so much love and sharing music with me. i love you so much it makes my hear very happy i kiss you. take care. be kind to yourself and to others <3 i believe in you
xxx
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Currently looking through my drafts to clear some, and oh boy did i write a lot back in 2017-2018. At least in tumblr drafts lol.
Also, why did a harukisu coffee shop au make so much sense in 2017???? I think there's a convo about that in my dms with yacchan...
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Childhood Friends
Brahms Heelshire x afab!Reader
Author: @loopy-froots
Word Count: 3261 (WOW wtf…)
Slight request by @leahromanof : small age gap (Brahms is 26-28 and the reader is 20)
Summary: The Reader grew up very close to the Heelshire family, as their parents were business partners with them. However, after the fire incident, Brahms and the Reader took some space from each other. While the Reader knew Brahms was still alive, they didn’t know under the circumstances he was. When a sudden tragedy strikes their family, the Reader is left with no home. The Heelshire family offer their home with welcoming arms, but much has changed between all of them since they have last seen each other.
Warnings: 18+ ONLY, swearing, slasher x reader, smut, virgin/unprotected sex (masc and fem), abusive parents (fem), insecurities (on both parts), slight age gap (6ish years?), a slight size kink (if you squint?), etc.
Author’s Note: I wasn’t too sure what to write for the age gap so I hope this is good enough!!! I also threw in a lot of personal needs I’ve been having, so I hope y’all don’t mind! Feel free to let me know your thoughts!!!
~~~
*2nd Person POV*
You couldn’t believe this was happening. You were finally going to see your beloved childhood friend, Brahms Heelshire, again after close to ten years of separation. You wished this was not under these circumstances, as you never intended to cause your family such turmoil.
“Y/n! Come in, why don’t you?” Mr. Heelshire exclaims as he opens his front door. He must have seen you walk up their driveway. You can see Mrs. Heelshire inside, but she shares a concerning expression. Trying to brush it off, you step inside and am greeted by the warmth of the house. It was a terribly chilly winter day, and the walk there exhausted you.
“Come, dear! Let me get you a cup of tea to warm you up! You look rather frozen!” Mrs. Heelshire snaps out of her funk and laughs al0ng with her husband. Their jovial attitude makes you feel rather welcomed and loved.
“I cannot thank you enough, Mr. and Mrs. Heelshire… I… I’m terribly sorry that this all happened… especially so suddenly…” You look down with embarrassment.
“Nonsense! We’re always happy to have you, Y/n! Our home is yours!” Mr. Heelshire smiles at you, but you get a somewhat urgent vibe from him. You’re not sure how to feel about it, but you figure since they’re being ever so kind you were in no position to question.
“Now, dear… why don’t you tell us exactly what happened… Perhaps we may help with your parents’ situation?” Mrs. Heelshire gently suggests, but you shake your head in disagreement.
“Unfortunately, I’m not sure that’s possible… you see, I recently came out to my parents as non-binary… they’ve never been overly supportive of that kind of stuff, but I knew I couldn’t hide myself any longer…” You explain shamefully.
“Oh my… that is a rather difficult predicament, hm? However, we want you to know that we fully support you… in fact, our own Brahms considers himself genderfluid,” Mrs. Heelshire shares, which honestly makes you feel less alone.
“Really? I… I had no idea… Thank you, but speaking of which… where is Brahms…? Does he still live with you?” You wonder.
“Oh, um… yes… he does, but he’s grown to be rather… timid… so he doesn’t always come out when people are visiting…” Mr. Heelshire explains swiftly, and you try to understand. You don’t fully know what he’s been through, so who are you to judge his social anxieties?
“That’s alright. Well, I just hope he knows how excited I am to see him again…” You confess, causing a surprised reaction from the Heelshire couple.
“Really? Well, that’s certainly wonderful! I’m sure he'll become more open to meeting you after he gets used to you being in the house…” Mrs. Heelshire states with a gentle smile, and you nod your head in agreement.
With that, you are then taken on a tour of the house. You’re shown areas you can and cannot wander to, and you mentally note each location that’s off limits. You’d never want to make the Heelshires uncomfortable, despite how curious you were. They show you to your room, which you immediately recognize as Brahms’ childhood room.
“Oh wow! This looks exactly how I remembered it!” You giggle.
“I’m glad you’re fond of it still, as Brahms insisted you take his room for your own… comfort…” Mr. Heelshire shares, but something tells you he’s not entirely being honest. However, you ignore the feeling bubbling up in your stomach.
“Well, feel free to unpack your things dear. As we mentioned before, we are planning on going on a trip within the next few days. So it will be just you and Brahms for a while…” Mrs. Heelshire reminds you, and you shiver slightly for some reason.
“Oh, yes… Well, I hope the two of you enjoy it!” You politely respond.
~~~
“Goodbye, dear! And remember, follow the rules and you’ll get no trouble from our dear Brahms!” The Heelshires bid you farewell and leave in their cab. Closing the door, you sigh in relief.
“Alright, follow the rules… I can do that… it’s the least I can do since they were so kind as to let me stay for a while…” You motivate yourself.
“Y/n…” A sudden familiar, childlike voice echoes through the house. You looked around to see who it came from, but you saw no one. It had to be Brahms, right? Who else could it have been, but where was he?
“B-Brahms?” You sheepishly call out. You hear no answer and suddenly feel quite stupid. Maybe you just heard the shifting of the house or imagined someone was calling your name?
“Alright, focus… first things first, making some lunch… hopefully he’ll come down to eat with me…?” You hope. You could’ve sworn you heard another childish giggle somewhere, but you try to shake the skittish feeling building up. You quickly make whatever you feel like for lunch, desperate to finish so that you can call Brahms down to eat.
“Um, Brahms? I… lunch is done… if you want some?” You yell throughout the house, but you hear no answer. Finally feeling defeat, you turn back to the kitchen and notice that one of the plates of food has disappeared.
“How did he get to it without me noticing?” You ask out loud. Every instinct within you tells you that something was wrong, but you tried your best to give the man some time to adjust to the new living situation.
“Y/n…?” In the middle of eating, you hear a now more adult version of the voice you heard earlier. You drop your fork in surprise and frantically look around for the source. You then see a tall and scruffy looking man standing at the end of the dining room. He was holding the plate that is now empty, and you figure that must be Brahms. He was very odd looking, in all honesty. He wore a porcelain mask that resembles the type of little dollies you used to keep as a kid.
“Oh, um… h-hello, Brahms…?” You try to be friendly towards him, despite the creepy feeling you got from him already. However, him not answering causes the suspicion to form again.
“Um… did you enjoy the meal I made for you?” You try to spark a conversation, but Brahms nonverbally nods in response.
“That’s good! I’m… glad…” You smile awkwardly at him, but his masked face remains expressionless. You shift uncomfortably in your seat, and Brahms notices the tense state you’re in. He begins to step closer to you, and sets his plate on the table. Sweating profusely, you wonder what he’s doing. He steps closer and closer to you until he’s directly in front of you. While you sit, he towers over you. You’d never admit it, but he’s very intimidating. However, you try your best to be polite.
“Is… everything alright, Brahms?” You ask innocently. He just stares at you, though, never saying a word. When you were about to get up and try to walk away, he grabs your arm and pulls you into him.
“B-Brahms…?!” You exclaim as he squeezes you in his broad arms. He’s rather warm, but trembling. Your heart relaxes when you realize he only wanted a hug.
“Y/n… nice to see you again…” He finally peeps out. Your cheeks heat up, but you lean into the embrace. The two of you just hold onto each other for a few moments, enjoying each other’s presence.
“Good to see you, too! I was worried you were upset with me for coming back after such a long time…” You try to pull away and look him in the eyes, but his grip keeps you there.
“Mm, no… not upset… lonely…” He breathes into your ear, sending a chill down your back. He was… lonely? That makes you feel bad… really bad… how could you leave him like you did after the incident?! It wasn’t completely your fault, as you parents were the main reason you stayed away. They told you what a dangerous person Brahms was, and they forbid you from being influenced by him in any way.
Additionally, your parents never liked how fond the two of you seemed towards each other, despite the slight age difference you had. Brahms was only six years older, and to you it didn’t matter for terms of friendship. However, your parents saw the attraction Brahms had towards you right away. As children, it only developed into a little crush, but the older the two of you got the more obvious it became, to the adults at least. You seemed quite oblivious to his attempts to woo you, as you had just thought he was being friendly.
“I…I’m sorry, Brahms… I should’ve… I wish I’d have… I’m sorry…” Tear well in your eyes as you look down from his gaze. Your focus then shifts to the ever growing bulge in his pants that you hadn’t noticed before.
“It’s alright… happy you’re here now…” Brahms strokes your hair with his free hand, and he leans into you. You feel him stroke your neck with his nose, seemingly trying to get a reaction out of you. Completely frozen, you felt unsure of what to do. All of the sudden, your head’s ideas clicked and made you realize the years of yearning he’d been doing for you.
You’d be lying if you said you didn’t still have feelings for the boy you grew up with. You always admired how protective he was of you. You never admitted your affection towards him, though, as you thought he might react negatively. To you, the age difference acted as a barrier, but to him, it seemed he didn’t mind in the slightest. All he’s ever known was his love for you, despite the age gap. However, is this still the same boy as before? You probably barely knew him anymore. Then why were you getting so flustered over this simple interaction?
“Brahms?” You look back into his eyes with a curious glint. What was he planning with you?
“Hm?” He nonchalantly answers.
“Are you…?” You start, but then feel too embarrassed to finish.
“Yes,” He agrees without needing you to explain. You feel him jerk his hips into your stomach softly, desperate to get some friction between the two of you. As intoxicating as he was being, you still felt unsure of your stance with him.
“I’m not sure I want to… I mean, this is so soon… don’t you think?” You try to reason mainly with yourself to try and stop this from happening. With that, Brahms stops and pulls away from you with a pout.
“No?” He questions with sweet eyes.
“I… yes…?” You try to stand your ground with yourself again, but it’s no use. Brahms’ heartfelt pleading turns you to putty in his hands.
“Please?” He begs. With that, you finally agree, and he’s onto you. Groping all up and down your sides, front, and back, he feels every inch of your body as if he’s desperate to find something in you.
“Brahms… wait…?” You stop him again, realizing you hadn’t seen his actual face yet. You politely ask him to remove his mask, but he visibly slumps.
“Why…? You… don’t want to see me…” Brahms insecurely explains, but you shake your head.
“I do! Please…?” You whine as he continues to feel up your back. Brahms hesitates slightly, then agrees. With that, he slowly removes the porcelain from himself. This leaves his bare, burnt, and uncertain face into your view. You’re unsure of what to say at first, as your feelings are conflicted. However, you quickly decide to go with what your heart felt.
“You’re so handsome, Brahms…” You confess with a sheepish smile. He doesn’t respond, though, almost as if he’s debating what to say as well.
“Mm!” You moan through a sudden kiss he placed on your lips, making Brahms smile to himself in the kiss. He loved the way you reacted to his touch. He quickly realized you were feeling the same towards him, and that gave him the confidence to continue. You rapidly grew a certain heat in your pelvic area, but the feeling was still unfamiliar to you. Only on the rare occasion did you allow yourself the pleasure, but you felt guilty for it every time.
“Slut… whore… useless daughter…” Your parents’ past words radiate in your head, and a panic washes over your body. Brahms senses your inner conflict again, and stops once more.
“Y/n…?” He gently asks to see if you’re alright. Tears well up in your eyes as the guilt of disappointing your parents consumes you.
“I’m sorry, I just… my mom and dad would be so upset… I just feel so… lost…” You admit, and Brahms wipes your cheeks with his calloused hands.
“Mm, screw them…” He chuckles darkly.
“But…” You try to argue, but he shushes you instead.
“They’ve never been good to you, Y/n…” Brahms shares, and it confuses you at first. They’ve always given you food, shelter, and anything else a child would need.
“But they… they mean well…” You try to reason it out, but he still disagrees.
“I’ve been watching, listening to how they treat you your whole life, Y/n… the way they scream at you, gaslight you, disappoint you… that’s not love… that’s abuse…” Brahms whispers with a broken heart for you. The pain of realization hits you, but you try to muffle your cries with your hands over your mouth.
“I’m so sorry… I know how hard it is… but I… I want to love you… really love you…” He kisses the top of your head sweetly. His words fill your heart with hope that you might not be miserable the rest of your life.
“Really…? I mean, I would love that… but I don’t want to force you into anything…” You self doubt yourself.
“Absolutely. I mean, hell… why do you think I was doing all of this?” Brahms wonders, and you suppose he’s right.
“Yeah, true… I’m sorry, I just feel bad… but thank you, I’d love to… y’know…?” You admit with a shy grin, which he immediately returns.
“Good,” He smirks and kisses you again. This time, the kiss was much more desperate for the sweet result. Brahms shows no mercy for you this time as he begins biting your lips. Your little gasps invoke a strong sense of pride within him. He was making you feel this way, and he alone would make you feel good.
“Hm,” His deep voice rumbles in his chest. Your eyes flutter open and shut, unsure of how to go about this situation. Squirming around awkwardly, you then feel Brahms grab your waist as he lifts you up and onto the table.
“Ah! Brahms...?!” You yelp in surprise.
“Take off your shirt, Y/n.” He demands, already sliding his hands underneath. You timidly follow his instructions, removing your shirt and bra from your body. Brahms looks down from your face and onto your breasts. He adored them, so he ran his hands over them as he gave each nipple a cheeky pinch.
“Oh, Brahms…” Your eyes close in bliss, but he snaps your attention back to his eyes.
“Look at me,” He suggests sternly.
“O-okay…” You do as he wishes and stare deep into his icy eyes. He’s tender and gentle, but he still makes you feel so small next to him.
“You’re so pretty, Y/n… I’ve always loved you…” Brahms brushes a stray lock of hair out of your face, giving him a better view at your beauty.
“I have loved you for the longest time, too, Brahms… I just never knew how to tell you…” You try your best to express your feelings, but your past experience with doing so has never been easy for you. Each emotion you shared ended in an argument with your parents.
“I’m so glad… please…” Brahms pleads, leaning his forehead against yours. He didn’t have to finish for you to understand what he wanted.
“C’mere…” Your sudden burst of trust hits the two of you like a train. Brahms roughly attacks your neck with his lips and teeth, nipping at all your sensitive areas. Exploring each and every inch, he scopes out which areas you like best.
“Mm, Y/n…” He whimpers, rubbing his needy cock against your body. You had neglected it for far too long, and you wanted to give it some love too.
Lowering your hand down to his member, you stroke him through his pants. Pre-cum leaks from his tip and soaks through his underwear slightly. His moans fill your ears with sweet misery. The lack of being inside of you was killing him, but he wanted to take things slow for you.
“Ah, Y/n…! Please! I’ll be a good boy!” He begs you to allow him entrance, and you agree. Instantaneously, he pulls his clothes off and prepares his painfully hard cock to slide into you.
“Oh! You feel… so tight…!” He didn’t tell you, but this was his first time as well. The first feeling of being inside of someone, especially when that someone is you, was the best feeling he’s ever felt. He couldn’t help himself but pump in and out of you. He tried his best to go slow, but his selfish excitement got the better of him. However, you were far from upset by this.
“Ah! D-don’t… stop…!” You plead with him, and he obliges. Slapping his body into yours in a rhythmic motion causes you to quickly feel that coil in your stomach tighten around him.
“F-fuck…! You’re gonna make me…!” As quickly as it started, your love making ended. The two of you came together simultaneously, and everything felt perfect to you. However, Brahms felt a wave of guilt.
“I… I’m sorry… I wish I had lasted longer… and I shouldn’t have pressured you into this…” He goes on and on about all the things he could’ve done better, but you then stop him with a chaste peck on his lips.
“You were perfect. Thank you,” You lovingly look into his eyes. He searches for any sort of regret, but when he finds none he settles into your arms.
~~~
MY REQUESTS FOR DRAWING AND WRITING ARE STILL OPEN!! FEEL FREE TO SEND AN ASK/MESSAGE WITH YOUR IDEA!!
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TFFAF UPDATE
Warning: hiatus coming soon
(May 16th - August 1st)
If you don’t want to read this whole thing, the main points are in bold
Okay, uh, how the hell did we almost get all the way through TWO SEASONS of Teen Wolf in just under six months?!
Omg, I just wanted to give a quick thank you to all of you following along, I never in a million years would’ve thought this series would get more than like 20 followers. But my page has well over 700 followers (HOW THE FUCK) and this series has somewhere around 200-300 separate people following along (HOW THE FUCKING FUCK). SO UGH JUST THE BIGGEST THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU!! ILYSM!! THE WAY I BRAG ABOUT ALL OF YOU TO EVERYONE I MEET LMAOO
Now, you’re probably wondering “Sam, what’s gonna happen after you finish writing Season 2?” Well, my friend, there will be a brief hiatus between season two and three.
Although it is SO MUCH FUN to write this story and interact with everyone it is literally the highlight of my week, I’m feeling a little burnt out with this series, and I believe, as a result, the writing isn’t what it could be. It’s giving wattpad fanfic and I want it to give TV show vibes. I feel like I need a few weeks off so I can come back with a fresh perspective and a new excitement to continue on with Y/N and Stiles’ story. I’d really like to focus more on writing original ish stories this summer instead of following along an assigned plot, yanno?
That being said… If you are interested in following along, I will still be writing stories this summer! I just want to focus my energy on writing original imagines and stories for other fandoms! (Bridgerton? Marvel? Andrew Garfield? If you have any ideas, DM me and I’ll write about that too!) I have a lot of fun things planned for the next few months!
If you’re not interested in following along any other stories, please check in on July 1st and August 1st for TFFAF updates and fun side stories. I still plan on writing about Y/N and Stiles throughout the summer, mostly the moments in the relationship and friendship that weren’t incorporated into the story bc weren’t part of the plot. I’m thinking of the sweet moments/dates in their relationship, backstories (them having a crush on one another/cute stories from their childhood/etc) and maybe stories that go between season 2 and 3 bc I’m pretty sure you won’t like the potential cliffhanger I have planned. Again, if you have any ideas or anything you specifically want to see, let me know and I’ll make sure to incorporate it in!
I absolutely LOVE the community we’ve created here. This is genuinely such a safe and comfortable place for me and I hope it is for you too!! I am so so proud of our little corner of the internet! I wanna say thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for the likes, reblogs, and the comments ugh the comments are my favorite part! And thank you for following along this fun journey with me!
Okay, someone shut me up. I’m just ranting now🧍🏽♀️
SEE YOU NEXT WEEK FOR S2 EP10, BITCHES :P
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The Only Woman
Pairing: (Henry Cavill!)Sherlock Holmes x Reader
Requested: Yep - “Hello Ma’amMay I request a Sherlock Holemes x Redaer?That when they were younger she was BSF with Sherlock and Mycroft. And all of the sudden they disappeared and never wrote to her a letter or nothing. And she got closer to Enola and when Edoria disappeared she reunites with Sherlock and Mycroft and Reader is Mad and Sad that he left without saying nothing. She always was in love with him and at the end she finds out he also was in love with her! And lots of fluffThank You so MuchAnonymous (she/her/hers)”
Summary: Basically just the request
Warnings: Probably some swearing, some 20th century misogyny, pining, fluff, angst, denial, all that fun stuff, probably ooc Sherlock but we vibe with it because he’s soft af
A/N: My first full length Sherlock fic! I should mention that my requests aren’t actually open right now, especially not for full fics but I was inspired by this request and so decided to make it into a full one! I hope you guys enjoy, please remember to reblog, comment or send an ask letting me know what you think and if you want to see me write more for Sherlock (and Henry and his other characters for that matter) in the future!
Y/N had been essentially another resident of the Holmes household her whole life, having been introduced to the family through the two boys - Sherlock and Mycroft, whom she had run into while out playing in the woods. Her family lived in the house nearest to the Holmes residence, technically making them neighbours.
Sherlock and Mycroft didn’t exactly do ‘friends’, that much had been clear even to Y/N’s young mind after meeting them. She was a year and a half younger than Sherlock and yet she still knew more about interacting with other people than he did. Not that either of the Holmes boys had ever seemed interested in other people, they had their brains to keep them occupied, and when they failed to find entertainment in learning, they had each other.
Despite this, they took a shine to Y/N when they found her playing make-believe on her own in the woods and insisted that she come over to have dinner with them and their family.
Mr and Mrs Holmes had gone out of their way, following that initial visit, to make Y/N feel as welcome as possible at Ferndell Hall. At first this was simply because they were astounded that their sons had actually made a friend and seemed interested in maintaining this friendship, but then it was partially as a result of the somewhat turbulent relationship that it became clear Y/N had with her family.
Eudoria in particular had ensured that Y/N knew she could always come and visit, that there was a spare bedroom that could be set up should she require it, which Y/N only began to take advantage of as she grew up and the rows with her parents over her future became more frequent.
However, it was always Sherlock that she was closest to. While she considered Mycroft a friend, and he had grudgingly returned the sentiment, they had never clicked in the same way that Y/N had with Sherlock. Occasionally Mycroft would storm off midway through a game, frustrated by Sherlock’s intelligence which so trumped his and Y/N’s, or he would simply decide that he was ‘above’ having friends.
Sherlock never much minded Y/N hanging around though. Truthfully, now that she was grown, Y/N looked back at their years of friendship and couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps his reason for tolerating her company was because she gave him the awed reactions that he secretly desired from his intelligence.
She had fond memories of her childhood with the Holmes. At Ferndell she never felt the need to pretend to be a young lady ready to be married that her parents so desperately wanted her to be, even as a child. Mr Holmes encouraged her to continue her studies beyond what her Governess would teach her, and Eudoria actively tried to teach her all that she could, going so far as to teach her alongside her sons on occasion - Mycroft wasn’t exactly fond of that, though Sherlock appeared to enjoy her company.
And then there was Enola, a surprisingly timid child considering the family that she had been born into - though Eudoria was convinced that her shyness was a trait that she would soon grow out of. Enola adored Y/N.
While Sherlock and Mycroft paid their little sister no mind, too caught up in their own lives to acknowledge their baby sister’s, Y/N was fond of Enola. Having grown up in a male-dominated household with only brothers for company, she had always wanted a younger sister.
It was Mr Holmes’ death that changed everything.
Not long after his death, Y/N was saying goodbye to her two closest friends as they left for Boarding School. Y/N had promised to write to them and had been encouraged to do so by Sherlock, who seemed thrilled by the prospect of their continued communication and Mycroft had also seemed somewhat in favour of the idea.
Y/N wrote to the brothers for a year after they left. Her letters to Sherlock in particular were long and full of detail about both her life, her parents continued attempts to interest her in marriage and her attempts to further her education, as well as the lives of Eudoria and Enola.
After a year of these letters, however, Y/N had yet to receive word from either brother and thus, with a heavy heart, she had halted her letter writing and turned her mind away from the Holmes brothers.
Eudoria had ensured that Y/N still knew that she was welcome whenever she wanted to come over, however, and so Y/N’s life at Ferndell continued even with the absence of the boys she had considered to be her closest friends.
Y/N had been the first to be informed that Eudoria had disappeared, Enola having ran over to her house the day of her sixteenth birthday in a state of distress, imploring the older woman to help her. They had agreed that it was best for Sherlock and Mycroft to be contacted at once, with Sherlock’s career, Enola had been certain that her brother would make himself indispensable.
Y/N had been less keen on writing to the Holmes brothers, dreading having to see her old friends again, still far more hurt than she could care to admit about their silence following their departure. Every time in the past week that Enola had brought up the topic of her brothers, Y/N had been quick to change the subject.
A decision that she was coming to regret now that she approached Ferndell to find an automobile parked outside of it. Y/N bit back a groan, aware that its presence more than likely meant that Sherlock and Mycroft would be waiting inside.
Y/N didn’t knock before she entered, she never had as she had basically been a part of the family over the past few years.
She could hear the low mumble of voices coming from the drawing room, which were becoming steadily louder and Y/N’s expression dropped into a deep frown as she stepped towards the room, recognising Enola’s voice, breaking with emotion, even through the closed doors.
Before she could place her hand on the knob, however, the door was flung open and Enola rushed out, crashing into Y/N, who almost dropped the bags she was holding.
“Enola?” Y/N breathed, her hands gripping onto the young girl’s shoulders, steadying her.
“Y/N!” Enola embraced her tightly, though not before Y/N caught sight of her face, flushed red and eyes shining with tears, her expression the picture of distress.
“What’s happened? What’s wrong? Why are you… in your undergarments?” Y/N asked in a rush as Enola pulled away. The teenager wiped fiercely at her face, clenching her jaw.
“My brothers are here…” Enola seemed to struggle with herself for a moment before shaking her head. “I wish to be alone.”
With that, Enola pushed past her and shortly after Y/N heard footsteps on the stairs. Y/N looked back to the door to the drawing room and caught a glimpse of a man holding a book, chestnut curls falling over his forehead, his brown eyes just visible, his brow furrowed as though he were frowning.
Sherlock was recognisable immediately. His eyes moved over to the door, away from the chair Y/N knew to be facing him in the room which she assumed seated Mycroft, and his book lowered, his head raising and his lips parting in slight surprise - an expression that Y/N had never seen on him in the entire duration of their friendship.
Before he could say anything, however, Y/N turned on her heel and walked towards the kitchen.
“Good morning, Miss Y/L/N,” Mrs Lane said from where she was kneading bread dough on the kitchen counter.
“Morning, Mrs Lane - I see that Enola’s brothers have arrived.”
“Yes, they got here yesterday,” Mrs Lane confirmed as Y/N placed down the bags of food she had bought and began to unpack them into the pantry. Knowing how overworked Mrs Lane had been, staffing the house alone, particularly since Eudoria’s absence, Y/N had taken to doing the food shopping for them.
“Enola seemed very upset,” Y/N said, unable to conceal her worry.
“Yes - Mr Mycroft has been less than impressed by both the state of the house and Enola herself.”
“Why?” Y/N demanded, her frown deepening, the beginnings of anger festering in her stomach.
“He doesn’t think Mrs Holmes did a good job of raising her,” Mrs Lane looked equally disgusted by the words even as she spoke them. “He wishes to send her to a finishing school to turn her into a proper lady.”
“But can’t he see that she’s happy here?”
“I don’t think Mr Holmes much cares,” Mrs Lane admitted.
“What does Sherlock think of all of it?”
“He has been rather silent on the matter, Miss Y/L/N,” Mrs Lane said, shaking her head and sighing. “I fear Enola has been rather disappointed by the brother she so idolised.”
“She said she wished to be alone for a while,” Y/N said, leaning on the counter and rubbing her forehead, wanting to ease out the deep concern she was feeling for the girl she had come to think of as a sister. “I’ll try and talk to her in a little bit,” she decided and Mrs Lane nodded her approval.
Y/N ventured out into the garden half an hour later, figuring that that was ample time for Enola to think it over for herself. Y/N knew exactly where the Holmes daughter would be, she knew that Enola had a favourite tree in the garden where she would go, should she want to get away from the house for a little bit.
What she wasn’t expecting was to find Sherlock walking back from the direction of the very tree Y/N knew Enola to be hiding in. He looked deep in thought, but there was no denying the very slight smile that lifted the corners of his lips.
Y/N allowed her head to fall, her eyes on the ground, hoping against hope that there was even the smallest chance that Sherlock may not notice her.
“Y/N - it was you I saw,” there was an edge of something like delight in his voice as he spoke and Y/N wanted to look up, to see his expression, to confirm that he was smiling as he acknowledged her.
Instead, she chose to ignore him and attempted to continue walking.
“Y/N!” Sherlock called, and reached out a hand to gently take hold of her arm, pulling her ever-so carefully back to stand in front of her.
“Mr Holmes,” Y/N returned his greeting, lifting her head to watch his features fall into a slight frown.
“I wasn’t aware that you would be here,” Sherlock said, his eyes searching hers.
“I was always welcome at Ferndell,” Y/N responded stiffly. “Now I must go and speak with Enola,” she said, turning ready to leave him.
“Y-” Sherlock cut himself off from saying her name. “Miss Y/L/N,” he corrected, and Y/N risked a glance at her old friend over her shoulder, seeing his brow crinkled in confusion, an expression that she had rarely seen during their childhood.
“Yes, Mr Holmes?”
“How have you been?” Sherlock was floundering, that much was obvious. All the articles about him that Y/N and Enola had read, all her memories of him from her younger years had always portrayed him as being calm, collected, ready with his words. Seeing him now, in this state of uncertainty, caused by seeing her for the first time after so many years, it brought her a sense of satisfaction.
“Fine thank you, now if you’ll excuse me,” she didn’t give Sherlock a chance to respond, walking away from him as quickly as possible, though she could feel his eyes burning into her back as she left him behind.
Enola was sitting on the grass at the base of the tree, her back pressed up against it, her sketchbook balanced on her lap but her eyes were glazed over and looking at the scenery rather than at the pages.
“Can I join you?”
The teenager started, her eyes widening in slight shock but then she relaxed as her eyes landed on Y/N, who she offered a small, tired smile and nodded her head. Once Y/N had seated herself on the ground, Enola scooted over to rest her head on her shoulder and let out a long sigh.
“I’m glad to see you’ve put on clothes now,” Y/N finally broke the silence and the younger girl laughed a little.
“Apparently my proportions are incorrect,” Enola informed her.
“Yes, I often find myself thinking that,” Y/N teased and Enola giggled again, playfully elbowing Y/N in the side. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t want to go to Miss Harrison’s Finishing School for Young Girls.”
“Finishing school is the worst,” Y/N agreed.
“I remember when you went,” Enola murmured. “Mother said you hated it.”
“I did,” Y/N confirmed. “I begged my parents every holiday to not send me back, I think I even asked your mother at one point to adopt me so that I wouldn’t have to go,” Y/N chuckled at the memory, shaking her head. “It was a source of great amusement for my brothers.”
“Mine too,” Enola said darkly. “Mycroft is an utter pig, you know.”
Y/N laughed again at the choice of words.
“Family reunion didn’t go quite as planned, I take it?”
“I didn’t have a hat or gloves,” Enola sighed.
“So off to finishing school?”
“The only logical course of action,” Enola agreed, her tone biting. “You were friends with them, weren’t you?”
“Yes,” Y/N said, wary of where this conversation was going. “But I stand no chance of changing their minds. Mycroft was always stubborn, even when we were children, and I haven’t seen them since they went to boarding school.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry, I wish I could help,” Y/N said, her heart aching for the young woman.
“It’s okay,” Enola murmured. “I was just wondering, though… Sherlock was talking about me as a child - you must have known me at the same time as him, yes?” Y/N nodded her confirmation. “I think I have more memories of you than him or Mycroft.”
“I spent a lot of time with you,” Y/N shrugged.
“He said that I used to drag a pinecone around with me.”
Y/N couldn’t help herself from laughing as the memory struck her.
“Oh yes - a little pinecone, wrapped in wool that you dragged around on a string because of Queen Victoria’s spaniel. Called… Dash? I think?”
“That’s what Sherlock said, yes,” Enola straightened up, a slight grin on her face. “So it’s true?”
“Yes, you were rather obsessed with the thing,” Y/N confirmed, still chuckling a little. Silence fell between them, comfortable and thoughtful.
“Y/N?”
“Yes?”
“What were my brothers like growing up?”
Y/N thought hard before answering, her mind going back to her childhood.
“They were fun,” Y/N said at last. “They both knew that they were smarter than me, and I think that that was at least part of the reason they kept me around. Sherlock would teach me things - things that my Governess wouldn’t have thought I ought to know…” Y/N trailed off. “They were kind,” she admitted at last. “Albeit a little aloof at times, a little arrogant, they were always kind to me. I think Sherlock could tell immediately that I was unhappy with my family, and that was why they brought me to Ferndell,” Y/N confided.
“Mycroft was kind to you?” Enola asked, staring at her wide-eyed.
“He didn’t know any better until he went out into the world,” Y/N replied, smiling a little.
“I won’t let him send me to Miss Harrison’s Finishing School For Girls,” Enola stated defiantly.
“No,” Y/N agreed. “I don’t think that you should.”
///
Y/N was reading outside when the maid came to see her.
“Miss Y/L/N, there’s a Mr Holmes here to see you,” Freya spoke, her eyebrows raised just a tad in a teasing way, indicating that she thought it was a romantic house-call. Y/N frowned in return.
“Mr Holmes?” She repeated. “Not Enola?”
“If it’s Enola then she’s certainly changed a lot since I last saw her,” Freya said. “Mr Holmes is in the drawing room.”
Y/N closed her book and stood, following the maid inside, through the house and into the drawing room. She pushed the door open, still confused as to why either of the Holmes brothers would feel the need to make a house call to see her.
Sherlock was standing in the drawing room, his back to her as he stared at the painting hanging above the fireplace. She closed the door as quietly as she could, but the soft sound caught the attention of the detective anyway. Sherlock turned and offered her an unsure, gentle smile.
“Good morning, Mr Holmes,” Y/N said, bowing her head just slightly towards him. She thought she saw Sherlock’s smile falter just a tad before he returned her greeting. “What can I help you with?”
“I’m afraid I bring some bad news,” Sherlock said, walking away from the fireplace. Y/N stepped further into the room and indicated a chair. “Thank you,” he said as he sat down, Y/N seating herself in the armchair across from him. “Enola has run away.”
“Is that really all that surprising?” Y/N sighed, though his words did immediately cause her to worry for the young girl.
“Were you aware of what she was planning?” Sherlock asked.
“No. It just doesn’t surprise me.”
Sherlock looked at her for a long moment, seemingly analyzing her expression and finally he gave a slow nod of his head.
“So I take it that she hasn’t contacted you at all?” He asked.
“I haven’t heard from her since yesterday when I left Ferndell,” Y/N confirmed, attempting to keep her features as neutral as possible.
Sherlock frowned at her, his brow furrowed in concentration.
“Even if she had, you wouldn’t tell me, would you?”
“No,” Y/N admitted, shrugging her shoulders. “But you can’t blame me for that. We both know that Finishing School is not where Enola’s time would be best spent. Besides, from what she told me Miss Harrison seems a foul woman.”
She thought she saw Sherlock’s lips twitch as though he wanted to smile, but then he schooled his expression into one of neutrality again.
“You know, there was a time when you would tell me everything,” he reminded her.
“And there was a time that you found me utterly insufferable for that,” Y/N countered, her words sounding like she was spitting venom at him.
“I never found you insufferable,” Sherlock said, a chuckle in his voice.
“Is that so?” Y/N mused, quirking her eyebrow at him.
“Perhaps a little slow at times, but I wouldn’t take that personally,” she hated how teasing he sounded, as though nothing had changed since he left. Sherlock clearly picked up on the anger festering in the pit of her stomach and spoke again before she had time to lash out. “But I never found you insufferable.”
Y/N made a noise conveying how unconvinced she was by his words and she stood from the chair.
“If that’s all…”
Sherlock’s eyes flashed with something similar to disappointment before he, too, stood and adjusted his suit jacket slightly.
“Yes… that’s all,” he said. “I thank you for your time.”
Y/N nodded and watched as Sherlock crossed the room to stand in front of the door, reaching out a hand towards the doorknob. Before he could turn it, though, Y/N was hit by a sudden wave of concern.
“Mr Holmes?”
The man paused and looked back at her over his shoulder at her.
“You… if you find her, or here anything… could you let me know? She’s only young… I worry about her.”
Sherlock bowed his head in a sign of consent.
“I will keep you updated, I promise.”
“Thank you… Sherlock.”
Just as Sherlock had promised, he kept her updated on the situation with Enola as best as he could and she received letters from him every other day, even if he had found no new leads.
On the days that he had nothing new to report, his letters were filled with updates about his own life, general musings, his theories about both Enola’s whereabouts and other, unofficial cases that had caught his eye.
In short, they were the most un-Sherlock-like letters that Y/N could have ever imagined receiving and every time the post came she felt her heart lift in hope that there would be another one for her.
The only letter that Y/N had replied to, however, was one dated about a week and a half after Enola’s disappearance, in which Sherlock told her that he had asked Mycroft to pass over his duties and to make Enola his ward, filing Y/N in on the details about what had happened with Enola and the case of the missing Maquis. Sherlock had also let her know that he had attempted to make contact with his sister via newspaper and that she had indeed come to the meeting spot but had been disguised.
From the tone of that letter, it had been clear to Y/N that Sherlock truly cared for his younger sister, and that he knew that she would be capable of taking care of herself despite the worry that he so clearly felt over her.
After having received a response from Y/N after that letter, Sherlock had implored her to keep replying, but Y/N had not. She was afraid of falling into the same trap that she had when they were kids - of allowing herself to get too close to him, to feel something for him, when it was never going to go anywhere.
Y/N had allowed her heart to be broken by Sherlock Holmes once before, when she was too young to truly understand matters of the heart. She wasn’t going to do it again.
About a week after receiving the letter recounting the tale of Enola and Tewkesbury, however, Y/N got another surprise in the post. A letter from Enola herself, detailing Y/N with much of the same information that had already been given to her by Sherlock, though with more detail and far more reassurance that she truly was safe and secure and comfortable in her newfound lodgings in London.
In the final paragraph of the letter, there was a plea from Enola, imploring Y/N to go and visit her in London - she had attached a date for the following week and the address of a cafe that she said she thought Y/N would appreciate.
And so Y/N found herself boarding a train the next week, ready to meet Enola in London, agreeing to stay with her for a couple of days so that they could properly catch up.
Just as she was settling into the carriage, the train about to leave the station, the door slid open again and a familiar face appeared.
“May I join you?” Sherlock asked, a somewhat nervous smile on his face. Y/N returned it and nodded her head.
“Of course,” Sherlock entered into the compartment, closing the door behind him and placing his bag onto the overhead luggage rack and taking the seat opposite her. “I wasn’t aware that you were back here?”
“Only for a night - Mycroft demanded my help,” Sherlock explained. “I thought about visiting you, but I was unsure of how much it would be appreciated,” he added. Y/N bowed her head a little, finding herself unable to maintain eye contact with him. “You didn’t reply to my letters.”
“Yes I did.”
Y/N risked a glance up and saw Sherlock’s lips quirk a little, holding back a smile.
“I apologise - you replied to only one of my letters.”
“That’s one more than you replied to of mine,” Y/N pointed out, raising her eyebrows challengingly. Sherlock didn’t even attempt to keep his smile at bay, grinning at her in the familiar cheeky way that Y/N remembered from their childhood.
“I wasn’t aware of how good you were at bearing grudges,” he mused, leaning back in his seat.
“Well perhaps if you’d come to visit you would have realised,” Y/N muttered, opening her bag that rested on the chair beside her and pulled out the book she was reading.
Before she could open it, though, Sherlock’s hand pressed down on the cover, preventing her from doing so.
“I'm sorry, Y/N,” he whispered and when Y/N met his eyes again they were so filled with genuine apology and concern.
“I wasn’t aware that you knew what an apology was,” but she smiled a little, seeing how Sherlock’s eyes brightened
“Well I’ve been attempting to catch up on them as of late.”
“Enola?”
“I have yet to find her to give her one,” Sherlock confessed, leaning back at last. “You’re going down to see her, aren’t you?”
Y/N knew there was no point in denying it, Sherlock was always capable of telling when people were lying. He had always been particularly quick at picking up on Y/N’s lies as well when they were children.
“Yes - she wrote inviting me down last week,” Sherlock nodded slowly.
“Would you… would you let me know that she’s safe - that her lodgings are comfortable?”
“I’ll let her know you asked,” Y/N said instead, her voice quiet and full of understanding.
“Thank you,” Sherlock swallowed hard.
Silence fell between them. The most comfortable silence that had existed between them since their reunion.
“I did miss you, you know.”
“I’m sorry?”
“When I left home - I did miss you. I know you think I didn’t, and it’s understandable, but I did,” Sherlock confessed.
“Why didn’t you reply?” Y/N asked and she hated the desperation in her voice, the plea to understand why so many years had passed in silence. “Why didn’t you come and visit?”
“I don’t have a good reason for why I did - or didn’t - do any of it. And I’m so sorry,” Sherlock sighed but Y/N frowned at him, noticing how his gaze briefly dropped her own as he spoke, how his fingers fidgeted slightly on his lap.
“I know you’re the detective of the two of us, but I know when you lie, Sherlock Holmes,” Y/N didn’t know what made her do it, but she lent forwards and grabbed one of his hands between her own. “Tell me the truth, Sherlock.”
Sherlock studied her hard for a long minute, his eyes sweeping across her face, taking in every inch of her features and there was an emotion that Y/N couldn’t quite place lingering in his eyes.
“Mycroft used to… make fun of me, when we were children. Because he knew how I… how I felt about you. I’ve never quite… understood why he did, he always liked you, even if he never admitted it, but I hated it. I hated Mycroft making fun of me, it made me feel like he was smarter than me…” Sherlock’s cheeks reddened. “I did not mean for that to sound as conceited as it did.”
“To be fair, you were quite a conceited child,” Y/N teased, squeezing his hand and Sherlock chuckled. “But… what do you mean, how you felt about me?”
“You really want me to spell it out for you?” Sherlock asked, cocking an eyebrow.
“You said it yourself, I always was a little slow,” she grinned, “at least compared to you.”
Her heart was pounding out of her chest, she could barely breathe from the excitement at the idea that Sherlock was hinting at what she thought he was.
“You have to know by now that you are the only woman who I have ever held a place for in my heart.” He paused, shrugging his shoulders bashfully. “Or you were.”
“Enola?”
“Of course,” he confirmed. He lifted her hand tentatively up, pressing his lips gently against the back of it, keeping his gaze lowered. “I just hope that you know you never left it.”
The rest of the journey passed in a blur, the two of them having the final catch up that had been missing for so many years, everything feeling as though it was falling back into place, just like everything had been when they were kids.
By the time the train pulled into the station at London, Y/N had no desire to say goodbye to Sherlock Holmes, and by the way he loitered with her on the platform, it appeared that the sentiment was returned.
“Where are you headed?” Sherlock inquired. “I know Enola wouldn’t want you to tell me her address, but…”
“I’m actually meeting her at a cafe,” Y/N told him, adjusting her grip on her bag and smiling at him.
“In that case… would you allow me to escort you? London can be rather confusing at times, especially for those used to the country lifestyle,” he suggested and if Y/N didn’t know any better, she would have thought he was blushing a little in embarrassment.
“I would appreciate that yes, thank you Sherlock,” she agreed and Sherlock offered her his arm.
Enola did not seem overly surprised at Sherlock’s presence beside Y/N. There was a slight raise of her eyebrows, a knowing smile on her face and a gleam of amusement in her eyes as she walked over to them, her arms laden with a bunch of yellow roses.
“It’s so wonderful to see you again,” she said, completely bypassing her brother and embracing Y/N as carefully as she could with the flowers in her hands.
“I was so happy to hear from you, I was so worried about you,” Y/N told her, pulling away and examining her surrogate sister for any trace of hurt.
“I promise I’m fine,” Enola laughed, holding out the flowers for her. “I bought these for you, though.”
“They’re beautiful, thank you.”
Enola’s eyes slid over to Sherlock at last, who was standing awkwardly to the side. Y/N could sense how his own gaze was flicking continuously between herself and his sister, clearly overjoyed at seeing her again but also wanting to continue the conversation he and Y/N had been holding on the train.
“It’s more of an apology, actually,” Enola mused. “I’m afraid that something has come up and my assistance is required… elsewhere. Perhaps Sherlock would take my place?” She raised her eyebrows at her brother.
“I-uh-”
“Fantastic!” Enola cheered, hugging Y/N once more and giving a nod to her brother before rushing away.
“Did your sister just set us up?” Y/N asked, turning to face the younger Holmes brother.
“I think so,” Sherlock confirmed. “For what it’s worth, she hasn’t gone far, I believe she has every intention of snooping on us.”
Y/N laughed at that piece of knowledge, rolling her eyes affectionately at Enola’s antics before placing her hand once more in Sherlock’s arm. He reached across her to take her bag to allow her to hold the flowers.
“Well we wouldn’t want to disappoint her, now would we?” Y/N said, nodding towards the door to the cafe, not missing the affectionate smile it brought to Sherlock’s face.
As he held the door open for her, Y/N reached up onto her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
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spike, angel, buffy & romanticism: part 2
part 1: “When you kiss me I want to die”: Angel and the high school seasons
*
“Love isn’t brains, children”: Enter Spike as the id
For all that I’ve just discussed all of the ways that the first three seasons subvert the romance of Angel, it’s also true that the writing still fundamentally takes him—and Buffy’s relationship with him—seriously. To some degree it has to. Because Buffy is the show’s emotional anchor, if the writing didn’t take her emotions seriously, the audience wouldn’t either. It needs to be sympathetic to her (regardless of whether it endorses her, per se), or else it would run the risk of losing all pathos. Making fun of Buffy and Angel makes for a great gag in “The Zeppo”, and fits with the general way that season three undermines the romanticism of them, but if that was the show’s attitude the whole way through, it would come off as simply meanspirited. It would seem like it was making fun of Buffy for being a stupid teenage girl in love, instead of sympathetically depicting the human experience of being caught up in big, tempestuous emotions.
But at the same time, if the writing were to only take romance seriously, that wouldn’t feel very true either. Or fit with the general Buffy ethos, which loves to flip between serious and silly moods in order to capture all sides of whatever it’s exploring. And therein is the magic of Spike’s addition to the chemistry of the show. Practically from his introduction, Spike parallels Buffy’s romantic storylines, except unlike Buffy, Spike is allowed to do the comic or morally incorrect thing. His status as a soulless vampire means that the show is free to use him to point out both the sillier and darker sides of romance, without tainting Buffy’s heroism or the seriousness of her emotions.
In “Becoming, Part 2” for example, Spike is free to explicitly say that he’s saving the world because he wants Dru back, and leaves Buffy to die once he’s gotten her. Whereas Buffy, despite also wanting the person she loves back, ultimately chooses to save the world rather than keep him. Spike allows the episode to show what Buffy’s, or anyone’s, romantic id might want, without Buffy herself going through with it. He also allows the episode to show the ridiculousness of the romantic id, by giving him comic moments like “Didn’t say I wouldn’t”, or “God, he’s going to kill her”, or beating Angel with a tire iron, or any of the times that Buffy makes fun of him (“The whole earth may be sucked into hell and you want my help ‘cause your girlfriend’s a big ho?”). All of which is in contrast to the tragic seriousness of Buffy’s heartbreak. Spike in season two is not a character without pathos; in fact, he has quite a lot of pathos that parallels Buffy’s--think of the tortured close-up on his face as Angel and Drusilla taunt him in “I Only Have Eyes For You.” But neither is he limited or defined by that pathos.
He plays a similar role in both “Lovers Walk” and “The Harsh Light of Day”. In “Lovers Walk” he’s devastated by the loss of Drusilla, as Buffy was devastated over Angel in “Anne”, yet the way they get out of their respective depressions is very different. Tonally, “Anne” plays Buffy’s misery extremely straight, and when Buffy decides to stop moping and become an agent in her own life again, her version of “agency” means getting in touch with her leadership and heroism. Whereas for Spike, agency means a love spell, or torturing Drusilla into liking him again. The romantic id tries to re-possess the object of its desire, whereas the ego or superego is able to set that desire aside, whether or not it wants to. More obviously, Spike in “Lovers Walk” parallels all of the other characters and their romantic situations. All of them are behaving somewhat selfishly or self-destructively in their love lives (Xander and Willow cheating, Buffy and Angel torturing themselves with friendship) but are in denial about the fact that they’re doing so. And then Spike blazes in with his version of love that is selfish, scary, grandiose, charming, pathetic, genuine, and absurd by turns—and suddenly, everyone’s romantic weaknesses are out in the open. It makes perfect sense that Spike finishes the episode gleeful and optimistic, because “Lovers Walk” as a whole represents a triumph of the romantic id over the romantic ego, if only temporarily. And it’s all handled with a brilliantly whiplash-y mix of comedy and tragedy because at the end of the day, the power of the romantic id really is ridiculous. The way that Spike turns on a dime between being scary and pathetic parallels the way it’s at once absurd, and kind of frightening, that your id would make you, say: cheat on your wonderful high school boyfriend, just to have a chance with your childhood crush.
Because Spike is often treated as the show’s romantic id, the writing’s relationship to his romanticism gets complicated. Like Angel, there is something romantic in his aesthetic and behavior, even if he doesn’t look like Angel’s conventional Byronic hero. He wears a long, dramatic coat, poses rebelliously with his cigarettes, and dotes on his paramour with the elaborate attentiveness of Gomez Addams. But unlike Angel, he is not just a romantic symbol or object, he is also a romantic subject. That is to say, Spike’s romantic storylines tend to emphasize his romantic desires, and use those desires as motivation. By contrast, Angel’s storylines don’t really have much to do with whether he’s “gotten” Buffy or not—instead they have to do with whether Buffy has gotten him. The fact that Buffy and Spike are both treated as romantic agents in this way is a key indication that the two characters are meant to parallel each other. Angel’s side of the Buffy/Angel romantic storyline has to do with whether he can control himself around Buffy, whereas Buffy’s has to do with whether he likes her or wants to be with her. Similarly, Spike’s romantic storylines hinge on the status of whether Drusilla or Buffy want him.
Not only is Spike a subject when it comes to romantic relationships, he’s also a subject when it comes to Romantic thinking. He is a character practically defined by his romanticism. He aspires to romantic things, and therefore can be used to poke at romantic outlooks. Despite his grand love for Drusilla for instance, she still cheats on him, and he still has to knock her out, do a love spell, or torture her to get her back. Or he’ll make grand pronouncements that are immediately followed by things like getting tasered by the Initiative or falling into an open grave. Because of this, Spike is able to parallel Buffy’s Romantic thinking as well, not just her romantic desires. Notice how in “The Freshman”, when Buffy is feeling out of touch with her Romantic Slayer self, that she has a scene where she’s treated like Spike--she delivers a dramatic threat and then falls through a ceiling. Or in “Some Assembly Required” when she obeys her id and hotly demands that Angel listen to her, she falls into an open grave. This kind of comedy has a lot in common with the deadpan Angel humor discussed in the last section, but notice that the target of that humor is Angel’s romantic objecthood rather than an outlook Angel has. Angel’s role, when it comes to romanticism, has to do with how Buffy and the audience sees him, whereas Spike’s role (at least in the early seasons) has to do with how Spike sees, period.
The show doesn’t just poke at Spike’s outlook though, it also uses him to poke at other people’s romanticism. In season two, for example, Spike is the one who gets impatient with Angel’s grandstanding, sarcastically explaining that “we do still kill people, you know” and “it’s a big rock.” In “Lovers Walk” he’s the one who cuts through Buffy and Angel’s drama, reducing it to “googly eyes” with a dismissive handwave (while also building it up in his projection-y “you’ll never be friends” speech). In “Something Blue” he points out that Willow is barely holding it together. In “Pangs” he’s the one who brings the debate over the Chumash nihilistically back down to earth, and in “The Yoko Factor” he schools Adam on Yoko not really splitting the Beatles apart. In other words, Spike attempts to see both the romance and the reality of things. He is the avatar of both, which I would argue makes complete sense, because in many ways romance and reality are really two sides of the same coin. Poetry and stories are fake and bigger than life, but you use them to tell truths. But being the id, his point of view can be hypocritical and biased as much as insightful, just like anyone’s gut reactions and poetic notions can be. After all, you can use poetry to tell lies, too.
Lastly, on a meta level, there is a tackiness to Spike that undermines his romantic qualities better than making him dangerous ever could. Spike likes Passions and Dawson’s Creek (in contrast to Angel reading La Nausée by firelight). He lives in a crypt, but the vibe is more “homeless” than “Dracula” (in contrast to Angel’s tastefully decorated apartment). Spike may act like a romantic, but what does it say about how romantic romanticism really is, that the romantic things he likes can be so unrefined? And with the chip, he’s rendered impotent and pathetic. To me, there’s no more perfect image of how the writing uses Spike than the image of him in his black coat, red shirt, and big, leather boots, blasted under the fluorescent light of his Initiative cell. Light that makes his aesthetic seem suddenly fake and silly and surreal. For all that the writing subverts Angel, he is still the kind of character who gets to disappear mysteriously into the shadows, because he is the romance that Buffy has been forced to abandon. Whereas Spike is left with no place to hide.
If Angel represented the idea of binaries, then Spike represents the lack of them. There is a reason that Spike invites so many queer readings. He is a vampire, but he loves. He is an object, but he’s a subject. He tells the truth, but he lies. He is a villain, but he is a hero. He is masculine, but he is feminine. He is insightful, but he’s a fool. He is pathetic, but he is sympathetic. He is on the outside of the Scoobies, but he is on the inside. These aspects of him are not split between different personas, but exist within him simultaneously. It is telling that the show introduces human, mythos-bending vampires like Spike and Dru in a season about disillusionment, and it is telling that Spike’s role in the show becomes ascendant in the seasons after Buffy leaves Angel and his split personality behind. As Buffy begins to reckon more deeply with her id, and her dualities, she will begin to reckon with Spike.
part 3: “Something effulgent”: Season five and the construction of Spike the romantic
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Review: Firefly Lane (Netflix)
What Did Netflix Do to This Book?
Disclaimer: As of this moment, I’ve only watched the first 3 episodes of Netflix’s Firefly Lane. I have zero desire to watch any further.
A few weeks back, I read Thomas Harris’s Red Dragon. It was nightmare-inducing. I’d finished the palette-cleanser Safe Haven by Nicholas Sparks. I’d finished re-reading Alice Hoffman’s Practical Magic. I wasn’t ready to dive into Octavia Butler’s Adulthood Rites (I’m still processing its predecessor, Dawn.). So, I browsed Amazon. I categorized candidates on my “Want to Read” shelf on Goodreads. I downloaded samples to read on my Kindle.
See, I’m a reader, but I’m a picky reader. I read everything, but I can’t read just anything. There has to be something to grab me in an opening chapter: a compelling character, a question needing to be answered, a style that grabs me by the hand and drags me to the next page – something. Kristen Hannah’s Firefly Lane had a lot of somethings in that sample. Not one but two compelling characters (three if, like me, you also took to Mrs. Malarkey). A writing style that was straightforward, but reflective. Descriptions that were beautiful and elegant. A book like that is magical.
As I’m writing this, I’m 83% of the way through the book, and I’m thoroughly enjoying it. Tully, as a human, infuriates me to no end and she’s the kind of friend I would’ve cut ties with after one of her many unforgivable mis-steps. But, as a character, she’s so full and layered. I understand why she’s infuriating. Kate is infuriating for enabling her, but I understand Kate, too! She’s layered and kind and perceptive. Both of these women have individual identities and lead successful lives that always overlap due to their friendship. Tully is so determined to be a successful on-air journalist that she begs for an unpaid position at a television studio just to learn everything she can. She spends every moment she can at the studio, dedicates herself to blazing her own trail, and makes her way to a successful career. Kate is a gifted writer who’s so kind and perceptive she accepts the flaws of those around her, supporting and loving all those she cares about, sacrificing her own happiness and dreams for those of others. She makes a bold choice to start a family despite a promising career as a writer/producer, and she’s a community pillar: the supermom who goes to every event, volunteers for every fundraiser and bake sale.
These women are more than their zany friendship and quirky antics.
So, why am I watching Sarah Chalke with this weird painfully awkward “oops, my glasses keep falling down my nose and I just get so very nervous around humans” vibe? Book Kate was smart, quiet, perceptive, and in no way a pushover. Why is Katherine Heigl’s Tully partying in the office, doing coke and dancing on tables? Why are we seeing none of her dedication and nose-to-the grindstone work ethic that was so key to her success in the book? Why are we only seeing Kate’s family falling apart while she’s doing a crappy assistant job to an unqualified ass-hat? Where’s the talent and organization? Where’s the dedication to her family and the happy, successful marriage? It’s like the show sucked everything substantial out of the characters and focused on some weird modern day Laverne and Shirley angle that ignores their individual lives entirely. And it’s so depressing.
Spoiler alert: Tully’s suicidal and no one seems to notice, Kate’s life has just fallen apart… Oh, and apparently someone dies.
Where’s all the childhood bonding? I don’t care about the random dance party they had with Tully’s mom in the living room while she was high out of her mind. Where’s the successful career for Tully? Where’s the happy family for Kate? Why did we fast-forward past all that to whatever depressing ending we’re clearly heading toward?
Why is the timeline all over the place? There’s no rhyme or reason to the flashbacks, the flash-way-backs, or the flash-forwards. Taking random scenes out of context and mixing them together in a blender does not a comprehensible story make. See? Even switching words around a little made that sentence weird, didn’t it?
I’ve stopped watching because I’m going to finish the book and its sequel before the show ruins them for me. But, Katherine Heigl’s good reviews are not enough to keep me watching this show.
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Never too late - 6 - 7
A continuation of Leo and Regulus’ attempts (antics) to give Regulus the childhood he never had.
CW: Food talk
Please message me if you feel I need to add any content warnings
Rating: T
Previous and future chapters can be found on my masterlist
Credit for the sweater universe and the characters within it go to @lumosinlove. What a hero.
[This is currently unedited, and I'm not that happy with it, but also my writing mojo has decided it is vacay time so it is what is it]
6. Go to camp! You’ll make friends for life.
“Le! Did you order something?” Finn called, appearing in the doorway of the kitchen carrying a large box.
“Yeah, it’s the t-shirts,” Leo nodded, scraping the onions he’d just chopped into the pot. “Put it on the island for me please, babe.”
Finn looked down at the box, making a show of testing its weight before he looked back at Leo with wide eyes, “This seems like...a lot.”
After adjusting the temperature on the stovetop slightly, Leo washed his hands and made to inspect the delivery. “Err, yeah. Potts got wind of the plan and got all excited. Half the team are coming now,” he smiled sheepishly.
“Of course that happened,” Finn threw his head back with a laugh. “You might as well make it a thing.”
“A thing?” Leo repeated, throwing Finn a bemused look.
“Uhh huh,” Finn nodded.
“I’m gonna need more, babe,” Leo said, lifting one of the shirts out of the box and running the material through his fingers, humming a note of approval.
“More shirts? There’s like 50 here,” Finn frowned.
“No, love,” Leo laughed, shaking his head “More on what a ‘thing’ is.”
“Ohh, got you,” Finn chuckled, leaning against the counter. “I just meant, if half the team is coming anyway, you might as well invite the other half. Get the kids involved. You know, a thing.”
“That’s not a bad idea, actually,” Leo cocked his head.
“Well, I did go to Harvard,” Finn shrugged, rooting around in the fruit bowl to find a suitable pear. One that wasn't too big because Finn got bored of flavours quickly and could never finish them. One that wasn't too soft, because he hated the sticky mess on his hands. In the early days of their relationship, Leo had been excited for the adventures that were going to come with his boyfriends, but he hadn't been prepared for how much the little nuggets of information he would discover about them would mean to him. The satisfied smile that appeared on his Finn’s face as he procured the perfect one was infectious.
“Such big brain energy and yet he still can’t load a dishwasher,” Leo retorted, motioning to the stack of crockery that had been abandoned on the counter.
***
“I have no idea why I put up with you,” Regulus scowled, covering his eyes with his hands. “Okay, I promise I can’t see.”
“Because I’m your best friend, obviously,” Leo replied, making a stupid face to ensure that Regulus was, in fact, telling the truth, and began to lead him towards the back door.
“Obviously,” Regulus drawled. “Do I get a choice in this best friend business?”
“Well, you can try and resist it if you want, but I am incredibly loveable and inevitably you will have to succumb to my charm so you might as well just deal with it,” Leo said.
Regulus gave a resigned sigh, “I suppose as best friends go you aren’t too bad.”
Leo laughed, punching Regulus lightly in the shoulder before telling him to watch out for the step up into the back yard.
“I hope you know that if I break my neck, you will be paying for -” Regulus started.
“Wegggie!!” Harry shouted through a mouthful of graham crackers that James had been trying to buy his silence with.
“Is that?” Regulus pulled his hands from his face, his eyes going wide at the scene in front of him. Leo had to admit he may have gone a little overboard with the execution of the summer camp. What had started off as a few classic summer camp activities had turned into a carefully planned extravaganza. There was a climbing wall and he’d hired an events team that taught archery. Between the games of dodgeball and capture the flag, there would be time for tye-dying, friendship bracelet making, water balloons, tug of war and much more. Of course he hadn’t skimped on the food either: burgers, pizza, vegetable sticks, taco salad and hot dogs; there was a long buffet table laden with an endless supply.
Regulus pulled Leo back inside, tugging him further into the kitchen so that the crowd of Lion’s players and their families couldn’t see them. “Leo, this is too much.”
Leo looked at Regulus trying to read his friend, but the other boy was infuriatingly closed off. “Look, if you really don’t want this, I’ll go and tell everybody to enjoy themselves and we can get out of here.”
Regulus huffed out a breath, “It’s not that I don’t want to...it’s...it’s weird everybody being here. They are obviously just here because you asked them and I feel like an add on.”
“Okay, let me stop you right there,” Leo held up a hand. “You practically live at Kris’ house the amount of time you spend there with Avie. Celeste loves you like a seventh? eighth? child...honestly, I’ve lost track of how many children they’ve adopted at this point. You and Olli…”
“Alright, alright,” Regulus interrupted, “I get your point.” He cocked his head slightly, “Huh, I guess I didn’t realise how much I’ve settled here.”
“You need a second to process that or are you ready to go have some fun, because I think Harry might eat all the s’more supplies if we wait much longer.”
***
Leo leaned into Logan’s shoulder, smiling as he watched his boyfriend show Katie how to toast her s’more in the bonfire that crackled in front of them. He was admiring the softness of the French leaving Logan’s mouth, when Regulus plopped himself onto the large log they were sitting on, a sleeping Aveline clinging to him.
“Hey, Reggie,” Leo greeted, turning his soft smile to his friend. “You alright?”
“I’m good. I just wanted to say thank you,” Regulus nodded, shifting Aveline into a more comfortable position. Leo noticed that Regulus had added another 3 new friendship bracelets to his haul since he had last got a moment to catch up with him. “For all this. This day has been amazing. All of it. I’m not sure if summer camp would have been my thing really, but I never really got to do fun family garden parties either and this has been incredible. ”
Any reply that Leo was about to make was disturbed, by Aleandra dumping a water balloon over Marc’s head right in front of them, their loud screams causing Aveline to wake with a cry.
7.Decorate your room! Paint the walls, buy new bedding and pick some new accessories! Make it your space.
"Well," Leo set a pile of magazines on the bed with a soft thud. It was a little old-school, but he was adamant that it was easier to come up with a complete picture this way. "What do you like? You don't have to know exactly, but we can't go to Ikea without any idea." He let out a soft snort at the unintentional rhyme.
Regulus looked up at him, wide eyed, as if he'd just asked him to supply the solution for world peace. "I don't know," he shrugged, toying with the sleeve of his shirt.
"You must have some thoughts."
"I don't know," Regulus snapped. "I've never had to make these decisions before. There was no point liking anything, because our parents would do what they wanted either way." He spat the words, and despite how it made Leo feel he knew the anger was a sign of some sort of progress. Not even a few months ago, his friend had spoken about his childhood like it was just a different form of normal.
"I'm sorry," Leo apologised, climbing onto the bed next to Regulus.
"It's not your fault, is it," Regulus shrugged, tucking his knees to his chest.
"I shouldn't have pushed you for an answer," Leo clarified, moving the magazines out the way and dragging his laptop from the bedside table. “Look, how about we go through Pinterest and you can pick some pins you vibe with. I’m sure we’ll find a trend.”
“Yeah,” Regulus breathed, shuffling closer to Leo. “Yeah, okay.”
***
“What the hell, there’s more,” Regulus said in awe as they rounded another corner to be confronted by rows of rattan baskets.
“I think we’re nearly at the end.” Leo looked up from the map he was trying to follow, almost stumbling over the cart when Regulus came to a sudden halt.
“These are nice,” Regulus mused, picking up a walnut coloured weaved basket. “My towels will look nice in these.”
“I’m sure they would,” Leo chuckled. He shouldn’t have been so surprised by how quickly Regulus had gained an affinity for interior design considering how he had taken to honing his clothing style with such ease.
“Oh! But these are nice too.” Regulus turned to show Leo another basket, that was identical in every way except for being perhaps a shade lighter.
Leo groaned. They had been in the store for over 3 hours and the cart was overflowing. His friend was adamant he was going to pay his own way and considering the short amount of time he had played for Slytherin along with the legal fees to end his contract early, the man was having to learn to budget to be able to afford college. Leo had suggested that doing a couple of interviews would leave him with a fair buffer, but Regulus had wanted to put as much space between hockey and his new life as possible. Leo was supportive, but Regulus seemed to be having trouble getting out the habit of buying everything he wanted.
“Right, pick one and then close your eyes. We need to get out of here.”
***
“Up a little on the left,” Leo instructed, shaking his head as Regulus lifted the left side of the photo frame considerably. “No, not that much.”
“That’ll do.”
“It’s not straight!”
“Neither are you and you don’t see us complaining,” Regulus huffed as he adjusted the frame again.
“You’re just jealous,” Leo threw one of Regulus’ new cushions across the room, hitting him squarely in the back of the head.
“Eww,” Regulus deadpanned. “And please do not throw my things,” he glared, hugging the cushion to his chest.
Leo was about to make a comment back, but he was interrupted by Sirius clearing his throat in the doorway.
“Got you a present,” Sirius said, holding out a large bag.
“Sirius.” Regulus crossed his arms over his chest, his face set into a disapproving stare. “I told you -”
“Think of it as an early birthday present,” Sirius interrupted.
“My birthday is not for another 4 months.”
“Just take it. I promise I’ll let you do this the way you want, but you’ve got to let me buy you things every now and then too. That’s what big brothers do.”
Regulus sighed, crossing the room to take the bag from Sirius. “Thanks,” he muttered, the corners of his mouth lifting despite his best efforts. The smile spread further as he laid the mustard coloured herringbone throw he’d been salivating over in the small boutique they’d visited a few days prior.
“You’re welcome,” Sirius nodded. “Looks good in here, by the way. We’ll have to find you an apartment in New York that will be big enough to fit it all in.” he commented, walking away as he finished his sentence.
“I’m paying for the apartment!” Regulus called after him. Leo barked a laugh as Regulus ranted about stubborn humans on NHL wages. Regulus poked a finger at him. “You can be quiet. I know this was your doing.”
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So I sent you an ask back in like February about an au where Yennefer is physically disabled and you said you'd like to see the au when it's done. It's not actually finished, but I 've started posting chapters on ao3 (it's called I want the world (it's never enough)
I want the world (it’s never enough)
OK so I’m also going to leave this as a comment on AO3 but I just read what you have of the fic. And it’s amazing!! First off, we don’t have enough fic from Yennefer POV, I love her so damn much and almost everything in the way you captured her character is great.
Actually I think one of my favorite scenes from the entire story is her and Geralt’s argument in the very beginning it felt so in character and I could see you weaving in the lines from the show and I just loved it. 
I actually don’t read modern AUs very often, so I’ve never read a friends with benefits Yennskier modern AU before so I had so much fun diving into this. I love how they’re both pining after the same man.
Also the fact that Geralt’s childhood trauma is holding him back so much. 😭 Damn. I want them all to have a happy ending so badly but I’m kind of loving the new friendship that’s forming. Yennefer going out to brunch with Sabrina and Triss is so much fun. Also the mention of Yen in the foster system and her meeting Triss 🥺 STOP MY HEART. Now I’m just waiting for Fringilla to pop it I want to know her vibes. She always strikes me as the kind of person who is really close to people in university and then she graduated and you never heard from her again and then she like comes at three years later as like an insanely successful business woman or something. 
Your characterizations are really solid and I just had a fun time reading it. We need more modern AUd where Yen has a physical disability and here you are providing that!! I like how you discuss the accessibility of her apartments and I could definitely see hints my post throughout it. Thanks so much!!
It was very enjoyable and it felt very realistic like the characters were in fact in the modern world which is the ultimate goal of writing something like this. It was just fun to read. Do you know the kind of fanfiction you read where you like have to stop and look away from the screen and laugh a little and then you go back to it? I did that like five different times. I’m going to be honest a lot of the times I laughed was when Yennefer and Jaskier had sex because the way you wrote it sounded like a comedy of errors. WHEN THEY GOT HIGH AND WOKE UP IN BED NEXT TO EACH OTHER 🍃 💨 😈 THE ACCURACY
I love how they kind of just kept sleeping with each other on accident. Also two people who are sleeping with each other also mutually pining after the same man that’s quality content. (I said this before but I GETS ME SO GOOD OKAY) Also Jaskier assuming Geralt is straight, sir. Like Geralt is not straight Jaskier you dork. And I think at the end of the day that’s a big reason why I liked it because they all just kind of seemed like dorks in their late 20s and I really enjoyed it. They were having a good time which is a nice break from the torture they will probably be facing in season 2. Overall, amazing fic and thank you so much for writing it!!
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Title. We Are Your First, Last, & Only Line of Defense Against This World of Scum
Pairing. Seijoh 3rd Years x Platonic!Reader
Summary. In which growing up is hard, but it’s a lot less harder if you’re doing it with the bestest friends you could ever ask for in the world (and Oikawa Toruu). Or; a journey through the friendship of the third years of Seijoh’s volleyball club.
Warnings. Manga spoilers up to chapter 395. Lots of cursings and mentions of anxieties about growing up. Kind of incoherent and mostly ramblings + not much dialogue, but I’ve been enjoying writing these types of things. Full disclosure: this is completely based on that official art of them at a karaoke bar. Title is from Men in Black by Will Smith.
Oikawa Toruu was 6 years old when he was crying about some kid stealing his pudding cup. And Iwaizumi Hajime was 6 years old when he dreamt of becoming a cop once he grew up, so he sought to bring justice for Oikawa’s pudding cup. L/N Y/N, also 6 years old, had declared that she would marry Hajime once she was old enough to, so she thought it was her job as his future bride to be his partner in solving this crime. (Oikawa Toruu could care less, he just wanted his pudding cup back).
Long story short, Iwaizumi Hajime ended up scuffling with said kid after he called him “stupid porcupine head” and Y/N jumped in the fray to save her future groom, while Oikawa jumped in to reclaim his pudding cup. And that was just the start of their long series of getting into trouble together.
When Oikawa Toruu was 14 years old and in his last year of junior high, the ugly green monster had reared its head and caused hostility between him and a certain kouhai. Y/N, always the kind one, had called him out on his bullshit and told him to get his act together. Oikawa fired back and called her out on her “pathetic crush on Iwa-chan,” effectively setting off the cold war between them that lasted all of summer. Iwaizume recalls having to go back and forth between the two because they refused to be in the same room together.
By the time they were 15 years old and entering highschool, the two ended up being in the same class. Oikawa pretended not to know her and hung out with “Makki” from his volleyball team. Y/N tried branching out and making friends with the other girls in her class for once, but she was shunned out for being close to the Oikawa Toruu back in middle school.
Their three months of silent treatment ended on the second week of the new school year, when Oikawa was enraged by the nasty rumors spreading about his childhood friend. Some guy Y/N rejected during the third day of school had spread rumors that she was involved in a reverse harem with Oikawa and Iwaizumi and that he didn’t bother going out with her because she was “too easy.”
Oikawa, 15 years old, threw the first punch. Iwaizumi, also 15 years old, held back his friend until Oikawa shouted out, “This bastard’s running around calling Y/N-chan a whor-” Oikawa didn’t need to finish because by then Iwaizumi had thrown the second punch. Matsukawa Issei and Hanamaki Takahiro, both 15 years old, tried holding back their two new volleyball teammates.
And that’s how Y/N and Oikawa tearfully made up, and the two, “Mattsun” and “Makki”, as Oikawa affectionately named them, joined their little friend group. Y/N ended up joining the volleyball club as a manager per Oikawa’s request (command) and finally everything was back to normal, with everyone forgetting about the “cold war” between Oikawa and Y/N.
It didn’t take long for Hanamaki and Matsukawa to fit into the group because anyone that could tolerate Oikawa deserves a reward (and that reward is the friendship they’ve built over the years, but none of them actually liked to get sappy).
By the time the five friends were 16 year olds in their second year of highschool, Oikawa has made a name for himself as the great setter of the Seijoh volleyball team. The other three were close behind in terms of popularity, but none were quite as open with it as Oikawa was. Y/N, on the other hand, did not get to enjoy the joys of the glory brought by the four players. She made heads turn, but the sight of four glowering boys right behind her made them turn back.
But there were a few exceptions.
Y/N was 16 years old and in second year of highschool when she got her first boyfriend. It wasn’t Oikawa, or Iwaizumi, or Hanamaki, or Matsukawa, no, it was a fellow second year in the same class as her (she was lucky enough not to be put in the same class as any of her idiot friends that year).
All five of them have forgotten his name now, but when they do talk about him every now and then, he was given the affectionate nickname, “Pighead.” Because two months into their relationship, Pighead had the nerve to demand Y/N to completely cut off her four friends.
Because she was young and naive and under the illusion of puppy love, Y/N was thrown into a dilemma. She mulled over it for weeks, lost sleep over whether or not she should comply, until Iwaizumi snapped her out of it and made her spill what was bothering her.
Once the four boys found out they offered to wipe Pighead off the face of Earth, but Y/N just cried and apologized for even just thinking about cutting off her amazing friends. They had a sleepover that night and Y/N still remembers it as one of her best childhood memories.
(Because of that one incident Y/N had decided to completely cut off immature boys from her highschool days).
Come their third year of highschool the five were as close as ever (and Oikawa, regrettably, much more annoying). They’ve built up seemingly unbreakable bonds that would last a lifetime, and Y/N was glad that she was able to take part in it. Having the four boys throughout her teenage years certainly was enjoyable, and she wouldn’t trade the memories and years of friendship they’ve attained for anything in the world. As long as she had the four of them (even Oikawa), she believed she could face off anything and anyone in the world.
When Y/N began worrying about college and growing up, they were there to help cheer her up. When the boys lost to Karasuno in the Prefectural Qualifiers, Y/N was there to cheer them up. She still remembers the tearful afternoon spent in the gym they’d spent three years of their lives in. And despite not being as hurt as the boys were after losing, Y/N had found herself shedding a few tears of her own. As they closed the gym doors one final time, they’ve also closed the doors to their childhood.
Teenage years go by, and as quick as they’ve entered highschool they found themselves graduating. Growing up. Taking the next step into adulthood. The four boys she came to love as her found family were now four men, and they’ve done well growing up.
And just like that tearful goodbye at the Seijoh volleyball club gym, Y/N finds herself preparing for another one. All five of them are adults now. Iwaizumi is going off to California to study in an American university, Oikawa’s going to Argentina to play volleyball, and Hanamaki and Matsukawa are moving to Tokyo together to study in a university. For once in her life, Y/N finds that she’ll be all alone in Miyagi, while her friends take the next few steps to growing up.
The five of them find themselves in Hanamaki’s childhood bedroom, for one last weekend sleepover before everything changes. They’ve strewn out blankets and pillow on the floor, and are laying down in a circular formation. They’ve been in this bedroom hundreds of times, in this same exact position, but now it’s completely different.
All his posters of celebrities are taken down and wrapped neatly on a pile sitting on his desk. His clutter of figurines and plushies collected over the years are in boxes, ready to move with their owner. His closet is empty, the clothes inside stuffed into their own labeled boxes. And his volleyball jersey that’s usually hung by the door is no longer there, no doubt already packed somewhere safe. Y/N tries not to dwell on the somberness of it all, and instead forces a laugh when Matsukawa makes a joke.
Y/N realizes she messed up when four pairs of eyes turn to look at her. “I know I’m a riot, but that joke wasn’t even that funny. I’ll admit to that.” Matsukawa speaks up.
“What’s on your mind?” Iwaizumi finally asks. His arms are behind his head and he’s staring up at the ceiling, no doubt lost in his own train of thoughts.
Y/N contemplates if she should ruin the peaceful vibes surrounding their group. They’ve already cried tons after losing to Karasuno, so do they even have any tears left for a goodbye? Y/N looks to her left and realizes all their attention focused on her, waiting for her to answer Iwaizumi’s question.
“Nothing. Just that maybe this’ll be our last weekend together.” She sighs, letting her emotions get the best of her. “We’re all going our own separate ways, who knows what could happen, y’know?”
It’s Oikawa that reacts first, but that’s no surprise since he’s Oikawa. “Y/N-chan! Are you trying to say you’re gonna miss me?” He asks with comical tears in his eyes. Y/N immediately regrets speaking up.
“I think I might miss you the least.” Oikawa feigns hurt at the comment, but he knows his friend better than anybody. ‘I’ll miss you more than you could even imagine.’ Is what she’s trying to say.
“Oi. No more crying.” Hanamaki finally says something. He can see the tears forming at Oikawa’s eyes, and a few that already shed from Y/N’s, before he feels the familiar burning sensation in his throat. “Damn it.”
“Nothing’s gonna change. We’ll all keep in touch, plain and simple.” Matsukawa announces, almost as if he was sure of it. “And if anyone,” Iwaizumi adds, looking directly at Oikawa, “decides to be a dick and try to cut us off, we’ll all personally fly out to South America to kick his ass.” A chorus of ‘yes’ sounded out as Oikawa gasps at his friends’ reactions.
“Why does it always get violent with you, Iwa-chan?!” He whines like a child, causing an outburst of laughter from the other four.
Hanamaki notices Y/N staring off into space again before he sighs, placing an affectationate hand on her head. “Relax, loser. It’s not like we’re gonna totally forget Miyagi. If anything me and Issei are gonna come back home more than you think. You’ll get tired of us eventually.”
Y/N wipes a few stray tears and nods, finally showing a genuine smile. “I’ll kill all of you if you even try to forget about Miyagi.”
“Impossible.” Iwaizumi says with a gentle smile on his lips.
-
The next morning the five friends make their way to Narita Airport, where Oikawa’s flying off to Argentina to become a better player. Their eyes are bloodshot red from staying up all night crying and reminiscing old memories together.
The walk from the parking lot to the boarding gate is quiet, until Oikawa breaks the awkward air between them. “When I get back, I’ll wipe the court with Tobio-chan.”
“You’re still not over that? Grow up.” Y/N glares, suddenly remembering their childish fight during their last year of junior high. Hanamaki laughs first, followed by Matsukawa, and finally Iwaizumi. The people around them stare strangely as five teens laugh with tears streaming down their eyes.
“Try not to miss me too much, ‘k, Y/N-chan?” Oikawa winks, just barely dodging the fist swung at him. A boarding call for Oikawa’s flight fills the airport, and they finally remember why they’re there in the first place.
“I’ll miss you guys.” He finally says seriously, tears freely falling down his face. Y/N cracks first, flinging herself to his awaiting arms and cries as she realizes this is his goodbye. Hanamaki, Matsukawa, and Iwaizumi follow, forming a group hug in the middle of Narita Airport.
Oikawa pulls away, dragging a sleeve to wipe away his tears. He opens his mouth to say one final goodbye, but is interrupted by a plethora of voices overlapping each other,
“Try not to make your teammates hate you too much. Make some friends.”
“Don’t even think about calling me at midnight about your stupid problems.”
“If you come crying to me about your knee, I’m just gonna say I told you so.”
“Once you get back, I’ll be sure to give you hell.”
“Oi, what kind of curse are you all placing on me?!” Oikawa whines, the somber atmosphere replaced by their usual energetic one.
With one last ‘goodbye,’ Oikawa strides towards the airport gates, and away from the ones he’s grown to love over the years. He looks over his shoulders, taking a mental picture of all four of his closest friends waving and giving him nods of encouragement so that he’d never forget what he’ll always have back home.
The world can throw anything it wants at them, but as long as they had each other, nothing’s ever too scary or too tough.
A/N. Thank you for reading this totally self-indulgent fic with my fav third years! A Miya twins version of this fic is in the works! Also, I’m thinking of making a mini series off of this oneshot where you chose a route with one of the boys (romantically). Let me know if you guys would also be interested in that. - chuu
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Blueberries, Lavender & Hot Matcha Tea (Part 2)
A SasuHina ficlet
PART 1| Part 2
AN: THANK YOU SO MUCH TO THOSE WHO COMMENTED, OR RE-BLOGGED, OR LIKED THE FIRST PART TO THIS FIC. It truly means more than I can say. Helped a lot with motivation and it’s super cool to know that people are reading the things I write. I hope the follow up chapter doesn’t disappoint <3
Summary: Hinata has a run in with a familiar face.
Warnings: Brief mentions of grief and anxiety (because Hinata’s a nervous butterfly) but nothing remotely heavy. Also there’s alcohol consumption.
Word count: 6167
__________________________
Lavender
Hinata knows that she needs to start putting herself out there. She can’t stay holed up comfortably in her room while years of her life pass on by, listening to cigarettes after sex under the safe warmth of her white fluffy blanket that still smells like her late mothers perfume, and sniffing essential oils like they’re some kind of soft-core drug to distract her spiralling thoughts from every embarrassingly mortifying predicament she’s ever found herself in.
She’s been trying really hard not to think about spilling her extra hot matcha latte all over this potentially handsome stranger a few days ago. She thinks - potentially - because she did not have the courage to look at the man's face after maiming him and probably ruining his expensive suit!
Hinata’s sure she must have ruined his entire morning, which must have ruined his whole day, and now he probably hates her. Oh goodness, Hinata strongly dislikes the thought of people out there in this world walking around hating her.
Wow, these thoughts are entirely useless, she really needs to stop her brain from going down these awful paths.
Today Hinata has decided to try really hard not to wallow in the comfort of all her numbing guilty pleasures.
So, when Sakura Haruno, the loud and outgoing girl with pretty pink hair, who always smells like strawberries and vanilla from her photography course asked if she wanted to hangout and work on their portfolio’s after class; Hinata was thankful for the distraction.
They had spent that afternoon drinking green tea at the kitchen table in Sakura’s little homey apartment, showing each other their favourite pieces and sharing feedback.
“You have to include this one, it’s so cute” Sakura gushes, pointing at a print of children finger painting; a mischievous little boy is smearing bold red paint all over the face of a girl whose expression is twisted in pure terror.
“You have a real talent for capturing the essence of people.” She continues in a dreamy tone, “it’s like you’re able to capture the moment they’re most alive, even if it’s just the little moments, y’know?”
Hinata blushes at the complement, “th-thank you Sakura.”
“It's kind of ironic that people are your main muse considering how afraid of them you are.” She teases.
“I’m not sca-AhyH!”
Of course, that’s the moment a woman with a giant blond ponytail barges through the door brandishing a bouquet of peonies making Hinata squeal. “Sakura I swear to god if you ate the last of the ice-cream again, I’m gonna- Oh! hello there.” The crazy flower lady stops mid-threat noticing a stranger in her apartment.
“Ino this is Hinata from class, Hinata this is my roommate Ino.” Sakura introduces, failing to constrain her laughter.
Ino’s demeanor does a 180 as she gently rests the flowers on her lacquered kitchen counter and approaches Hinata in a trance like state. “Your hair is so long and gorgeous, it totally reminds me of the violets we have at the flower shop -- you have to let me braid it.” She breathes and Hinata’s eyes are as wide as the sky outside.
“Ino, tone it down you’re going to scare her.” Sakura chides, rolling her eyes, not at all surprised by her roommate's antics. “Do you always have to act like such a spazz?”
“I am but a simple girl who is a slave to all things beautiful.” Ino proudly counters running her fingers through blue strands and Hinata mentally notes that she smells like a garden.
Sakura’s phone vibrates on the kitchen table, “it’s Naruto,” she says glancing at the screen. “Wondering when we’ll be coming over.”
“I don’t know, an hour or two? Tell him we’re bringing Hinata!” Ino adds excitedly and starts to braid blue hair without permission. “You should come out tonight with Sakura and I, meet the rest of the gang.”
“Oh.” In high school Hinata was never able to make friends with girls, and spent most of her time in the photography club’s black room developing pictures. Her introverted nature made it difficult to connect with people, but in this moment, the prospect of meeting Sakura’s friends, and the inclusive enthusiasm from these girls is making Hinata a little emotional. “I-I don’t know.”
“Hinata, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to, but I think it could be good for you,” Sakura encourages.
“Carpe diem bitch,” is Ino’s convincing addition.
Hinata giggles, absent mindedly sniffing her wrist searching for the comforting sweet scent of the fragrance she’s wearing today, “yeah, okay.”
Ino makes a pleased sound and saunters over to a kitchen drawer to snatch a pair of scissors and clips the head off of one the peonies, then ties it into the base of Hinata’s braid. “You really have no idea how cute you are Hinata,” she coos observing her work in admiration and Hinata feels warm all over.
Hinata likes the rapport between Ino and Sakura, there’s something about their friendship that she finds inspiring.
When they split what’s left of the chocolate ice-cream and start getting ready for a night out, Hinata can’t help pulling out her camera and snapping shots of Ino with her shades of purple and Sakura’s vibes in red. Hinata feels outshined in her usual high waisted mom jean and oversized grey patterned sweater.
But that’s okay, she still feels like one of the girls.
~~~
Ino had made a strong case for wanting to get her steps in for the day, (since her fitbit said she had only reached 8243 so far) convincing the girls to walk to Naruto’s apartment instead of taking the bus. On their stroll Sakura and Ino began giving Hinata character profiles of everyone she was going to meet and Hinata found them to be quite amusing.
Ino playfully starts with, “Shikamaru’s like, my best bro. I’ve known him forever, smartest guy I know but a total stoner and he doesn’t give a fuck about anything.
“Choji gives the best hugs and he loves giving them, so if he looks like he’s going in for one - just let it happen - you’ll hurt his feelings if you don’t.”
“Naruto and Kiba are basically the same person and are the biggest loudest dorks on the planet,” Sakura chimes in, “but they’re also super friendly and kinda funny if you can get over their lack of brain cells.”
“Then there’s Sasuke,” Ino says, and hearing that name strikes a familiar chord with Hinata, triggering flashes of fond memories. “He’s really hot, but kind of a dick,” Ino hugs herself smiling at a distant memory, “basically, we all know each other from going to the same high school -”
“Ino and I had the hugest rivalry back then because we both wanted him.”
“What happened?” Hinata really wanted to ask if they were talking about Sasuke Uchiha, but didn’t want to interrupt the momentum of their story.
“We were so stupid causing all sorts of drama in our little social circle nearly tearing it apart, and Sasuke wasn’t having any of it, one day he told us to grow the fuck up and to leave him alone.” That did kind of sound like something Sasuke would say, but that would just be too big of a coincidence, wouldn’t it?
“We both cried.” Sakura snickers sheepishly.
“Eventually we finally realized that friendships should be forever-”
“And boyfriends are whatever.” Both girls enthusiastically finish the rehearsed line making silly faces at each other.
Hinata giggles at that, whishing she had taken a picture, “awe, that’s so cute.”
“And now he’s one of our good friends, but I just want to warn you that he can be cold and he can be mean and if he says something dickish, please don’t take it personally.”
Hinata hums, only half listening to Ino. Was it possible that when Hinata arrives at this apartment she was going to be face to face with the childhood friend she hasn’t seen in over a decade?
Guess she’ll just have to wait and see.
~~~
When Hinata enters the apartment, her senses are immediately overstimulated; it smells salty like ramen and sour with beer which clashes with how clean and pristine the space actually is. It’s decorated with blacks, whites and a few splashes of colors, but overall has a very minimalist feel.
Hinata barely has time to kick her shoes off before she’s surrounded by strangers, and can’t stop the heat from suffusing her face from the disorienting barrage of unwanted attention.
“Hey bitches!” Ino yells at the group, “we’re here! We know you missed us!”
“This is the beautiful Hinata,” Sakura adds, and Hinata really wants to hide under a rock somewhere. “Be nice okay, she’s really shy.”
“Hey I’m Naruto.” A blond man appears beaming at her, outstretching his hand. “I have never seen eyes that look like your eyes before!”
“Oh.” Hinata went to shake his hand but was interrupted by another hand grabbing hers and kissing it, which is so uncalled for.
“And I’m Kiba, don’t listen to that guy, he’s a complete moron.” He says with a wolfish grin and Hinata has no idea what’s going on anymore.
When she tries to turn away, she’s met with the kind face of a stout man in a green Zelda t-shirt with his arms wide open for an inviting hug. She decides to accept her fate by awkwardly stepping forward wearing a confused pout, and lets the arms of a stranger wrap around her in what is surprisingly one of the best hugs she has ever received. He smells nice, Hinata thinks. Savoury and warm like a thanksgiving dinner. For a moment she actually feels safe, like a veil has been thrown over the sudden wave of chaos, giving her a quiet moment for her heartbeat to settle, “I’m Choji, it’s really nice to meet you Hinata, try not to worry so much, everyone here is harmless, I promise.” He says, rubbing gentle circles on her back.
When Choji pulls away, he sends her one last reassuring smile before padding off towards the ponytailed man currently dying of laughter, and joining him on a leather couch. Choji grabs a handful of potato chips from a bowl on the marble coffee table and starts earnestly snacking.
Snacks! Snacks sound really nice right now! Tasting tasty things can sometimes be a good distraction when Hinata is overwhelmed. She self-consciously shuffles forward towards the provisions, drawn towards the colorful array of fresh fruits, grabbing a small handful of blueberries and popping one of them in her mouth. She tries to ignore the pair legs in her periphery... she needs a moment before making another introduction.
Hinata jumps feeling a presence directly behind her, she twirls around to see Naruto pulling back appearing extremely guilty.
What was he doing? Was he pointing at her hair?
“Hehehe, sorry about that,” he says, smiling sheepishly, and scratches the back of his head, “I was just pointing out to my friend here, how beautiful your hair is, what a wonderful shade of blue,” he made a weird face directed at someone over her head, “are you enjoying those, blueberries?”
Okay.
Hinata hears more laughter coming from ponytail boy on the couch.
Weird.
Hinata turns to see who Naruto is looking at and-
Oh.
Sasuke?
Sasuke was here.
It was her Sasuke!
She instantly looks away, eyes wide, staring down at the hardwood floors.
Well, not her Sasuke. But an older version of the one she knew as a child. The one she met that one summer years ago and spent nearly every day with him before her mother fell ill and her family moved away in the wake of tragedy.
And he was... Glaring at her? No, he was glaring at Naruto? He kind of looked like he recognized her, but why would he be glaring?
“This is fucking stupid,” Sasuke seethes and takes off towards the kitchen, where Kiba and Ino are talking and drinking.
Ouch.
Sakura approaches Hinata with a glass in hand, Hinata stares at the ice clinking as she offers it, “vodka soda, with lime?”
Well, one drink couldn’t hurt, Hinata thinks.
She glances over at a brooding Sasuke leaning on the kitchen island sipping his beer.
She might need it.
~~~
It’s nearly an hour later and Hinata feels the dread sinking deep into the pit of her stomach. She desperately wishes she could conjure up some courage, approach Sasuke, and see how he’s been after all these years, but he still hasn’t left from his spot in the kitchen.
She’s starting to believe that maybe he doesn’t recognize her, which is a rather sad thought.
Hinata also appears to be at the butt end of some sort of mean inside joke that she doesn’t understand, ponytail bo- Shikamaru and Naruto joined Sasuke in the kitchen and kept making not-so-subtle glances her way -- but whatever -- she’s a big girl, she’s not going to cry about it even if she wants to.
Currently she’s sitting on the puffy leather couch between Choji and Sakura, Sakura is sharing the memes she’s saved onto her phone this month with Ino and Kiba while Hinata stares down at the melting ice in her drink and Choji attempts to calm her with platitudes.
Hinata doesn’t regret coming tonight despite feeling like the biggest fool in existence.
After all, tonight she actually has the opportunity to reconnect with someone she still thinks about, even after all these years.
She has always wondered what had happened to that bratty boy she met that one summer.
The sinking feeling grows deeper and Hinata feels her heart beating in the drums of her ears.
She takes one last tentative sip before downing the rest of her drink and summons every ounce of bravery she didn’t know she had to strengthen her resolve.
She stands from the couch with shaky determination ignoring Choji’s concerned inquiry, then forces one foot in front of the other strait towards the guiding bright lights of the kitchen.
The easy conversation awkwardly dies down when she arrives beside Naruto and Sasuke. She feels both their gazes land on her, and Hinata spots an ugly orange magnet on the stainless-steel fridge Sasuke is leaning on that has the phrase - believe it! - stamped on it and chooses to direct most of her focus on the positive affirmation.
“Uh, hey Hinata, you doing okay?” Naruto asks, slightly taken aback. Hinata nods still focusing on the magnet, face heating up as the beginning of a buzz tingles in the corners of her mind. “Can I get you another drink?”
She looks down at the empty glass she grips and nods again, muttering a quiet thank you, and handing it over. He takes it and moves further down the island to chat with Shikamaru and starts making her another.
“Hi Sasuke,” she forces passed her chapped lips.
“Hello Hinata.” Sasuke says, sounding about as uncomfortable as she feels and she looks up, hopeful, to meet his burning gaze and quickly looks back at that stupid orange magnet.
“So, you do remember me?” She asks, confused as to why he’s been ignoring her since her arrival.
“I remember how two days ago you ran into me quite rudely, burning me with tea.”
Hinata’s brain short-circuits.
“Wait what!?-”
No! No no no no no. Impossible. No.
“-That- that was you? oh my god, oh no! I am so sorry about that, I really wasn’t looking where I was going, I-I can’t believe this, I swear you just came out of nowhere though, oh my goodness, I can’t believe that was-”
“Please just stop before you give yourself an aneurysm.” Sasuke lifts his hands in a placating manner and Hinata snaps her mouth shut. “So that’s not how you seem to know me?” He asks, further rankling as the conversation drags on.
“So you don’t remember me.” She says mostly to herself, completely humiliated by this entire exchange, every time she opens her mouth it’s like falling down a flight of stairs -- Hinata seriously wishes she would reach the bottom already.
“Remember you from... where?”
“I-I mean I guess it’s not that surprising, we were only nine or ten at the time and it-it was only one summer... over a decade ago... You-you never really did call me by my name either.” Hinata says focusing on her twiddling fingers, her voice barely above a whisper, a pensive smile framing her lips at the memory.
There’s a long drawn out silence before Sasuke slowly asks, “...Tomato face?”
Hinata feels her face burn red at the old moniker, nodding. “Yeah...”
“Hyuuga, Hinata. Shit. Yeah. I do remember.”
The culminating tension finally releases from the moment and Hinata smiles at the black and white tiles breathing just a little bit easier.
He remembers.
“Wait... Did I hear you call her a tomato?” Naruto returns with a mildly amused Shikamaru in tow, handing Hinata her drink, and looks between the pair completely intrigued.
~~~
It didn’t take long for the word to spread that Hinata and Sasuke were childhood friends and everyone congregated into the small-ish kitchen asking curious questions.
It also didn’t take long for everyone to lose interest when Naruto nudged Hinata and started grilling her for embarrassing details of what a prepubescent Sasuke was like, earning him a surly glare. Hinata shyly shrugged saying, “I-I don’t really remember, it was a long time ago.”
Safe to say -- Naruto didn’t buy it, but surprisingly didn’t press further, and the group dispersed, leaving them to reacquaint.
The conversation between them after that was unfortunately still quite awkward, thankfully, Hinata wasn’t entirely to blame.
They exchanged small talk, Hinata mentions that she actually works at Heaven’s Little Corner and was just coming off her shift early when she ran into him the other day, and Sasuke talks about going to school and getting a Bachelor's degree in Business and how he focused on E-commerce after graduation. Overall, their -- re-connecting -- consisted of the typical pleasantries involved in catching up, and Hinata couldn’t distinguish if she was disappointed or relieved when their conversation came to a lull and she couldn’t think of anymore pointless verbiage to drag it along.
What she really wanted was to reminisce over hot days on the beach, collecting tiny crabs to occupy the sandcastles they built, and how Hinata had found sand in her hair days after the event. She wanted to talk about ice-cream and food fights and sneaking out to gaze at the stars in the night sky way past their bedtime, and how they pondered if aliens exist.
“I think the universe is too big for there not to be something out there somewhere.”
She remembers Sasuke saying, thoughtfully looking up.
“I-I think you’re an alien.”
She said back, earning her an indignant huff.
“Whatever tomato face.”
She wanted to talk about how simple everything was when they were kids, how she misses that naivety and how scary the world had revealed itself to be over the years.
Hinata was never good at making friends, even as a child, but she could still look back and she knew that Sasuke was one. He had been the last mark on her childhood that had made it a good one, the last moments she had to truly be a kid before she lost her mother, the truest love she had ever felt, forcing her to grow up.
Instead silence overtakes the kitchen and they both stare at their drinks unsure of what to say.
Sasuke isn’t how she remembers him at all. Yeah, he has the same face, just matured, and the same haughtiness, but the spark for life that had once inspired her seemed to be gone.
Which is an unfair thought to have, she admits, but she can’t stop herself from thinking it.
“Well I think it’s time to go on an adventure,” Naruto awkwardly offers.
“An adventure?” Hinata repeats, eyes growing wide.
“Naruto’s idea of an adventure is leaving the house and walking around the block.” Sasuke says rolling his eyes.
“Hey anything can be an adventure if you let it!”
~~~
It smells like damp grass and Hinata nearly jumps out of her skin as Naruto’s roar of triumph echo's off the surrounding buildings, catching the glow in the dark frisbee Kiba threw him. Sakura and Ino had joined them in their late-night excursion and Hinata can’t suppress the giddy giggles from watching them stumble about attempting athleticism when they are clearly four or five drinks deep.
She snaps a few photos and decides that she likes Naruto’s philosophy of approaching even the mundane aspects of life as an adventure.
This whole day certainly has felt like one.
Hinata puts her camera away, feels the chill in the October air, and pulls her scarf tighter. She casts a glance over at the park bench where Shikamaru was smoking a joint to see that he’s now casually chatting about... string theory? -- to Choji, who continues to nod his head like he understands.
Her trailing gaze then lands on Sasuke and-
Hinata immediately looks back towards the glowing air bound frisbee.
He was watching her - he looked suspicious - Hinata doesn’t know of what.
“Hey Sakura,” Hinata tries to call out, voice wavering, “it’s getting late, I think I-I should start heading home.”
That seems to put a halt on the physical activity for a moment, she’s then hugged by every frisbee player.
“It was nice meeting you Hinata.”
“Come back any time.”
“Yes please! We need more girls in our group, Sakura and I are severely outnumbered.”
“Are you sure you don’t want us to walk you?” Sakura slurs slightly, pulling away from the tight embrace.
“I’ll be fine, thank you Sakura,” Hinata smiles at her newest friend and turns to leave but stops at the bench to wave goodbye at Choji and Shikamaru, earning her a warm smile and a lazy nod. She looks at Sasuke’s arms proudly crossed over his broad chest and says, “it was nice seeing you again Sasuke.” And makes her way down the busy street, casting one last glance behind her just in time to see Sakura jump on Ino piggyback style to catch the frisbee in an impressive display of drunken camaraderie.
She smiles wider to herself. Wow. Today was a good day. An Adventure! Even if seeing Sasuke again was really weird and awkward and not at all how she wished it could have gone, she still met a lot of new people – Sakura's friends are so nice! They made her feel right at home and didn’t make her feel too weird about being shy and -
“Hey, Hinata.”
Hinata startles, hearing the sound of her name accompanied by footsteps catching up and her breath hitches when she turns to see Sasuke slowing down next to her.
“S-Sasuke? What are you-”
“I’m going to walk you home,” he snorts like it’s obvious, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his black jacket, “it’s late.”
“Oh,” Hinata hugs herself, suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious and maybe even a little nauseous as they walk in silence, their steps in sync.
She can feel the heat of his gaze on her and Hinata makes a point to stare at the crispy autumn leaves on the pavement – yeah – Hinata has no idea what to make of this.
“You know it finally makes sense now, why I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
Hinata trips over nothing, “you what?”
Leaves. Look at the leaves. The beautiful burnt orange leaves. Just. Keep. Looking.
“At the coffee shop, there was something about you, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. Guess I thought you were familiar somehow.” Sasuke shrugs, with an air of nonchalance as they cross the street.
“Oh,” Hinata’s starting to feel warm, she doesn’t know if it’s from their quickening pace, the two drinks she’s had or how Sasuke is close enough for their shoulders to brush.
“It’s kind of crazy that we’d run into each other like this, after all these years.”
Hinata stops walking and Sasuke mirrors her. There’s something in his tone that catches Hinata off guard, something almost fond? Hinata looks back in the direction of his friends, they’re about five blocks away now.
Sasuke seemed... different than how he’s been all night -- more open somehow. Maybe he feels weird about their earlier interactions too, but didn’t feel comfortable acting this way in front of his friends? Sasuke’s always been a very private person, even as a child.
“Yeah it is,” Hinata bites her lip and throws him a timid fleeting smile, silently wishing she knew what was going through his mind.
“So, why did you come back to Konoha.”
“I-uh-” Hinata starts playing with the hem of her sweater and reminds herself it’s good to open up, “-wanted to figure out this life thing for myself – be independent - if my dad had his way, I’d never leave home or do anything that wasn’t part of his plan-” she tapers off, distracted by the approaching sound of music, a dumb smile spreads across her face when she sees an old skinny man on a sparkly bicycle riding past them on the road blaring ‘Dancing Queen’ from an oversized speaker he probably installed himself -- he seemed so – in the moment, like all that existed was him and the music filling the streets that he owned – Hinata silently mourns the missed opportunity of capturing that moment forever in a-
“You were saying,” Sasuke pokes her shoulder harder than necessary, bursting her from her reverie, and starts leading her down concrete stairs away from the bustling main road of the city, towards the waterfront.
“Right,” Hinata continues feeling energized from the random encounter and embarrassed from being caught drifting away in a daydream when they were in the middle of a conversation, “it was – uh - hard to leave my sister, but she encouraged me to go, that I should at least attempt to do the dream chasing thing.” Hinata pats her shoulder bag in reference to her camera. “I saved up some money and here I am, making it up as I go.”
“Hm, you always were snapping pictures everywhere you went.”
Their steps slow to a stop once they reach the cold metal railing where tourists gather during the day overlooking the docks, but it’s mostly quiet at this time of night.
It smells cold from the breeze and salty from the ocean. The lampposts must need changing because the only light is from the half-moon in the cloudless sky, casting them in dark shades of blue.
Hinata takes a deep breath observing the skyline and the colorful lights reflecting in the undulating ocean waves, then asks the question that’s been bothering her since their seemingly kismet reunion. “What do you remember after all this time?”
“I remember...” He trails off, Hinata doesn’t miss the sly edge in his tone. “That I had told you I’d marry you one day,” his voice is deep, almost gravely when he takes a slow playful step closer and Hinata swears her heart skips several beats noticing their breaths mixing in the cold air between them. “And that... you were technically my first kiss.” He says with a sarcastic snort, stepping back, and gesticulates somewhere behind them. “You can’t tell them about it though. Especially Naruto, the idiot would never let me live it down.”
Hinata blushes at the memory and attempts to mask her frown with an indignant pout, trying not to take the jeer personally.
Sasuke always did like to mess with her.
“You were my only kiss.” Hinata then whispers without thinking and regrets it. She immediately hates the implications -- like she’s some inexperienced-love-sick-twenty-something, who’s never gotten over her childhood crush.
Hinata sighs, briefly drowning in her own self-deprecating thoughts, gripping at the railing, eyes a passing ship, and pretends she can’t feel him studying her, surprised by the admission.
“What do you remember?” He asks back, finally breaking the silence.
She bites her lip, thinking, a rush of memories flashing one by one, settling on their goodbye -- her sobbing because she had to move away to a new city thousands of miles away that had special doctors who could treat her mother, how Sasuke was speechless and could only squeeze her tight in the first and only hug they had ever shared.
She remembers how he always told her she should stand up for herself, even against him, and she remembers how sometimes when she was around, he’d bite his tongue, holding back petulant sneers.
There’s a small quirk to her lips when she softly says, “Looking back, I-I always thought that we brought out the best in each other.”
There’s another long silence and Hinata once again feels the heavy weight of his gaze examining her, he reaches out and she stiffens when he gently grips the base of her braid touching the bright pink flower there.
“Did Ino do this?” He quietly asks, and there something hidden in his voice that shifts the mood of their conversation, and he’s close again, close enough for their visible breaths to once again mix, his fingers trail down towards the tail end of her braid.
“Uh huh.” Hinata breathes, watching his fingers play with the tip of her strands.
“Why can’t you…” he starts to ask, unsure, but curious, “never mind.” He let’s go of the braid, huffing lightly in frustration and leans on the railing, looking out towards the roaring waves.
Hinata’s stunned by his sudden apprehension. "Why can’t I what?”
“I said never mind.”
“But… I- I want to know.”
“Why can’t you look at me?”
“Oh.”
Sasuke sighs, “you don’t have to answer.”
Hinata bites her lip hard, internally wincing. “I-it’s not just you it’s most people really.” She starts, racking her brain for the right words “- It’s -it’s embarrassing… Well everything is embarrassing but, I get anxious about nothing all the time? And looking at people. I don’t know. I get paranoid that they can hear my thoughts or something? Not that I’m thinking about anything weird, well sometimes I am… it’s easier when they’re not looking back at me... Anyways... I guess it’s just become a bad habit now…” she sighs and smiles bitterly at the mess that just flew out of her mouth. “So, to summarize, looking at people kind of sometimes really freaks me out?”
“I see,” Sasuke says, Hinata glances at his mouth, he’s smiling a little, it’s almost warm in an amused sort of way, which completely disarms her.
Hinata’s tongue feels dry, “uhm, do-do you ever feel anxious?”
“Never. I get annoyed or frustrated with people very easily though, which can be problematic, not that I care”
“I guess some things never change then.” Hinata teases gently.
Sasuke smirks, he seems ready to retort with a quip but retreats and opts for something entirely different, “are there things that help you with your anxiety?”
There’s something about the question that makes Hinata feel warm all over, she never really gets to talk about these kinds of things without it feeling like it would dampen the mood, but there’s surprisingly no judgement in his tone, he seems genuinely curious, which encourages her to open up some more, "I find different scents to be calming, so I wear whatever my current favorite essential oil is on my wrist every day and whenever I feel too overwhelmed,” Hinata begins to explain in a rush pulling her sleeve up to demonstrate and presents Sasuke her wrist, “I close my eyes, count down from ten and-” Hinata’s breath catches in her throat and her eyes fly open when Sasuke gently pulls her forward by the wrist and she feels the softness of his lips brush over her pulse, then draws in a slow breath to scent the fragrance she chose to wear that day, “...and... sniff.”
Oh goodness, is it getting hot out here? Because Hinata’s face feels like it’s about to burst into flames. Hinata debates pulling her arm back but is currently enraptured by the softest look she’s seen on the Uchiha’s face this evening.
This feels way too intimate, and Hinata thinks she likes it. Hinata thinks that maybe this is what’s been missing in her life. The feeling of being close to someone in more ways than just proximity. Is it possible she’s been physically and emotionally touch starved for years without realizing it?
That’s a thought that petrifies her. How sleeping on your basest human needs can become a habit, and you find yourself going through the trivial motions of existence, not bothering to search for more, for something that makes your heart sing, twist, and turn into itself the way that muscle pumping blood through her circulatory system at a quickening pace is doing right now.
“Lavender,” Sasuke murmurs against her wrist and his breath feels hot on her skin, Hinata struggles for breath when the sensation brings her back to the present moment and she realizes that she’s been staring directly into his darkened obsidian eyes, boring into hers and she finds herself unable to look away. A subtle look of achievement flashes through them when he softly asks, “you okay there?”
Is she dead? Is she imagining this? This whole situation with the soft touches coinciding with depressing epiphanies triggered by Sasuke smelling her suddenly seems completely absurd, and Hinata’s not sure she’ll be able to form a coherent sentence any time soon.
“I uh, uhm.” There’s definitely something wrong with Hinata’s voice when she attempts to speak.
“I think that...” Sasuke smoothly adjusts their hands to interlock their fingers and his hand feels so warm in hers, “you should go out with me.”
What is happening?
“No.”
Hinata kinda meant to say yes, but sure, no works too?
“What?”
“I mean, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Hinata winces slightly. Gosh what is she even saying? Is this some sort of weird defense mechanism because she’s afraid of getting hurt?
Sasuke nods slowly, narrowing his eyes, “why not.”
Don’t you have to risk getting hurt to get anywhere in life that’s worth while?
“I-I don’t know.”
“Hn.” Sasuke breaks eye contact and lets their holding hands fall. Hinata reels at the loss of warmth. He turns away from her and crosses his arms over the railing and looks out towards the dark rhythmic waves of the ocean. Hinata worries her bottom lip between her teeth as she studies the man before her. The moonlight is hitting the sharp angles of his face just perfect, and Hinata’s in awe. He’s all grown up now, and by default that means Hinata is too. Yet, here they are, the oldest they’ve been, and still the youngest they will ever be.
Nostalgia floods through Hinata’s system, deciding to grab the moment instead of letting it pass. She’s not sure when she pulled the camera out of her bag, but the flash went off before she understood that she was taking a picture.
Sasuke jumps slightly at the flash and is pulled from his brooding thoughts, shooting her a puzzled glare.
“Sorry, that was kind of weird of me. I just – I just thought you-you looked erm... nice in the moonlight?”
A bewildered look flashes across Sasuke’s face before a small smile begins to form and he laughs! He actually, genuinely laughs while shaking his head in what appears to be disbelief.
The only thing Hinata can do is smile sheepishly distracted by how handsome he looks when he lets go of his composure, the light in his eyes makes him look younger, like the Sasuke she knew all those years ago.
Hinata wonders if any of his friends get to see him like this.
He looks down at the pavement, shoulders still shaking, smile still present and pinches the bridge of his nose while taking in a slow breath and on his exhale, he reaches into his pocket, pulls out his phone, unlocks it, hands it over and says, “give me your number.”
Hinata tentatively obliges, pulling open the add new contact page, filling in the blanks then handing it back. Sasuke starts typing something in his phone and asks. “Do you work Sunday?”
“Uhm, yes?”
Hinata’s phone buzzes, when retrieving it from her bag she sees a text from an unknown number.
>> I’m going to come by after your shift and I'm taking you out. Don’t even bother using your mouth to respond.
Hinata feels her fingers tingling and tries to open her mouth to speak, closes it, bites her lip to try and stifle her giggles and resists the urge to slap herself in the face for acting like a complete airhead.
She pushes her fears aside one more time tonight...
And takes the damn dive.
<< Okay <3
__________________________
AN2: Wow, okay. A month later and I have the second part to this little story. This is the first time that I’m posting something I didn’t just throw together in one sitting. I’ve also never posted anything that was longer than 1200 words and it’s unexpectedly a little nerve-wracking??? OKAY SO, I guess there’s going to be one last chapter and it’s going to be like 90% SasuHina interactions? And spoiler alert they’re finally going to make-out. I have this SasuHina headcannon where they’re both private people who generally keep to themselves -- so people think they’re a boring couple, but when they’re alone together it’s like they’re in their own little world, and that’s the dynamic I’m looking forward to exploring in the final part. I’m not sure when it’s going to be up since I have a bunch of other stuff I need to work on so it depends on how the inspo hits me, but I do have plenty of fun ideas!
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Can I ask you some questions about Ethan and Genevieve I discovered your page a week ago just finished all the fics I'm interested in your version of the characters
Oph MC is usually seen as flawless and perfect (like every other MC in choices) what are some bad habits or flaws your MC has and we know Ethan's flaws he is one of the few li's who have actual flaws but still I'd like to know your Ethan's flaws which are personal or you have imagined them. (English is not my first language can't explain my request more clearly than this)
Do you see them married with kids in the future ( ik the marriage part you have a fic about it but here is what I specifically want. both of their opinions on this matter before meeting each other and after spending a year or two dating)
Does Ethan have extended family that you have created like a cousin he is very close to or a best friend (if yes can you make a fic where Genevieve meets this best friend or cousin?)
Any hobbies or skills Genevieve has?(like sketching or piano or something idk why Genevieve gives me piano vibes)
Which med school did you have Genevieve go to?
Are they fresh air kind of people or city air kind of
Do they believe in aliens
Opinions on pineapple on pizza
And last but not the least body language ( signs their body gives off when they are anxious, scared, happy and excited)
Ik they are a lot of questions and you probably hate me for making you answer this question air but either way love your work♥️♥️✨💫
Yes! You can always ask me questions and I LOVE these questions. I’m very attached to Gen lol so I’m always willing to talk about her!
Thank you for reading all my things!
And I don’t hate you for all the questions, I answered every single one, under the read more because they got lengthy. lol
First Question:
I definitely don’t see Gen as perfect. I’ve kind of put a lot of myself in her, which I’ve never done with any other MC I’ve played. I kind of see Gen as as a perfectionist, to the point where she gets in her own way. She also, like Ethan, tends to put everyone’s problems on her shoulders and feels responsible for thing that are way out of her control. And though Gen is patient, sometimes too patient, she can hold a grudge. It’s unhealthy and she knows that, but she has a hard time over coming it. Like with Landry, deep down Gen wants to let it go and move on. But there’s a small part of her that will always feel angry and betrayed. Gen’s also not one to put her own needs ahead of others, it’s rare that she’ll ask for what she needs, unless she 100% trusts the person she’s confiding in. (I have a headcanon where her dad cheated on her mom when she was in high school, they didn’t get a divorce, but Gen was the one who discovered the affair and it left a sort of trust/abandonment issue.) She can be rather clingy in a relationship, at first, something Ethan was annoyed with, he’s rather independent I think, but once he understood where that was coming from it didn’t bother him as much. It was just Gen’s way of reassuring herself that Ethan was hers, that he wasn’t going anywhere. Plus her love language is physical touch/affection and spending time together.
As for Ethan, I think he’s a very closed off person, has a hard time trusting people. He absolutely will push someone away, not because he necessarily wants to, but in order to protect himself. For me, I think one of the main reasons why he didn’t dive 100% into a relationship with MC was his fear that he’d lose them. That they would walk out the same way his mother did. I also think he’s way too stubborn and has a hard time admitting when he’s wrong. He won’t be the first to back down in a fight, even if that means it makes him unhappy.
Second Question:
I absolutely see Ethan and Genevieve married with kids. Gen has always wanted to get married, always wanted to be a mother. She’s had a pinterest board since high school thats dedicated to her dream wedding lol. When she found out Ethan wasn’t 100% on board with marriage, she was bummed. But at the same time, she was/is willing to let that go if it meant she could be with him. As long as she has Ethan, she doesn’t need a ring. Gen’s also always believed in soulmates and fate, she knew after their kiss in Miami that Ethan was her soulmate.
As for Ethan, I think deep down he’s always wanted kids but never saw them as an option because he never thought he’d find the right person to settle down with. I think that also ties into his past with his mom. Same with marriage, when he wasn’t in love, it didn’t make sense to him. But once he was, realized he never wanted to lose Gen, he understood it. Once he recognized how much he loves Gen, he wanted everything with her. Marriage, kids, all of it. With MC/Gen he realized he could be the parent he wanted to be.
I have a scene in chapter 3 or 4, I can’t remember which, in Love You Home where Ethan and Gen have the marriage/kids talk.
Third Question:
I think Ethan has an extended family. We don’t know much about his parents, if they are only children or not, but I think either his mom or dad has a sibling or two. They’re definitely not close at all, he probably doesn’t see them. But they exist. Gen’s influence definitely persuades him to reach out, in the same way she influenced him to give his mom a second chance.
As for a best friend? I don’t think he has one, I think Naveen is his closest friend at the moment. But I would love for him to get back in touch with maybe a childhood friend or friends from collage. Maybe even become friends with some fellow attendings at Edenbrook. Again, I think have Gen/MC around has really opened his eyes to different things and realizing how important friendships and relationships really are.
And at some point I may write something for that.
Fourth Question:
I love that you see Gen as a piano person because I also see Gen as a piano person. She doesn’t play much now, lack of access to a piano and too busy with work but she does know how to play. She also speaks a baby bit of french, not enough to be fluent but enough to understand her maternal grandparents (they’re first language is french, so they speak it interchangeably with english). I also think she’s a pretty decent singer, she did choir in middle/high school.
As for hobbies, Gen is super into photography. She’s not the greatest, but she loves it. It ties into her being a super sentimental person, she likes to have tangible memories. She also loves journaling, she definitely has a bullet journal that she does herself. It’s relaxing for her, after a stressful day. And I don’t know if you’d count make up as a hobby, but Gen is super into it. On the daily, she really only wears eyeliner, mascara and a light lipstick, but on her days off she experiments and does more intricate looks. I have a headcanon where Ethan comes home and sees Gen in like a super dark lip with a kickass winged liner, very femme fatale, and he’s shookith.
Fifth Question:
I go back and fourth on what med school Gen went too, I googled top 100 med schools when I started open heart so I could pick a good one for her lmao Its a toss up between University of California or University of Pennsylvania. Gen is from New England, she grew up on the coast of Maine - not too far from Providence actually. So I sometimes think UPenn because Gen would want to be close to her family. But then sometimes I say Cali because she wanted the adventure of going off on her own. At some point I’m going to have to choose obviously but where not there yet lol Still a toss up.
Sixth Question:
Genevieve is absolutely a fresh air girl. She loves the beach and being outdoors. Boston is a bit of a change for her, being a city but it doesn’t take long to find some country air here in New England so she gets both. lol
Seventh Question:
LMAO I love this question. I never thought of this but you know what Gen absolutely believes in aliens. Not in a weird conspiracy kind of way, more in a scientific kind of way. There’s no way Earth is the only planet in the galaxy to have life. The galaxy is freakin huge, scientifically there is no way we’re the only planet with life.
Eighth Question:
Pineapple on pizza is a crime. End of story. No one should ever have pineapple on pizza. No just...no.
Ninth/ Last Question:
I’m going to answer this for each of the things you listed in your question.
Anxious: It’s very easy to see when Gen is feeling this way, at least to Ethan and her friends. She retreats inward and does this like twisting motion with her fingers. Like cracking your knuckles but not actually cracking your knuckles. She’ll also bite the corner of her lip.
Scared: Gen doesn’t scare easy, but when she does she kind of hugs herself, makes herself smaller. Will hide behind things or run away. She’s a flight not a fight when scared. Especially if its like a spider, bug or snake - she’s terrified of those. That’s a freeze or run and scream situation.
Happy: Super easy to tell when Gen is happy. She gets really smiley, a little bouncy. One of those people that does that little happy dance of swaying back and forth.
Excited: Same as happy, big smiles. Jumps around. a little dancing. Lots of giggling.
I’m gonna add one more here, for shipping purposes lol
In Love: Gen is affectionate af, very touchy. She’ll show you how much she loves her way before she ever says it. Ethan realized she was in love with him months before she said it. Just by how much more open she was with physical affection. Always gently touching his arm, or kissing his cheek, always willing to hug him or snuggle in close.
Thank you so so so much for the questions, these were so fun to answer! Feel free to drop in any time. I love Gen and Ethan so much, I will always answer any questions you want to ask me about them.
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