#it hasnt worked for 3 years so far but hey you never know

[coolnonsenseworld]

Saw some reblogs and likes on old Catradora so I dug out a never finished WIP

[writingtohealmytrauma]

5/4/24

she left me 2 months ago and the pain is still so real and unbearable. 8 years of our life gone, she is now a stranger we dont talk, i want to talk so bad but she wants to move on and asked us not to message i want to talk to her everyday but i need to respect her decision's she still hasnt blocked me and i cant bring myself to block her number, not that it would do any good as i know her number off by heart, i managed to get the strength to archive our conversations so im not constantly seeing her name and our life everytime i message someone, i had been messaging her out of desperation and longing for connection with her and i can see by the read reciepts that she is seeing my message but choosing not to respond and it just hurts so much that this is clearly what she really wants and she is trying her hardest to get over me and us.

she tells me "We pushed it as far as we could" in reality she pushed it as far as she wanted. she tells me that she wants to have a family and she doesnt see a future with us after 8 years so she needs to leave me and find someone else to have a family with. she's 26 and wants to have kids before 30? so she cant waste any more time with us. i spent my life serving her, but it wasnt enough. i gave her everything. i literally made her breakfast and dinner every day for 3 years to prove my love to her, i flew her business class around the world i showed her a life she never dreamed off. i was there every day when she got home waiting to hear about her day, i ALWAYS made and had time for her always. she was my purpose i lived to serve her. all i ever wanted was to marry her, everyone use to have a go at me saying "why dont you marry her?" "hurry up and put a ring on her finger" like i was the problem? she was the one that would never commit. all i wanted was a family and life with her. I know her past trauma's have played a huge part in all of this, she come from a very broken family and has carried alot of trauma her whole life that she refused to deal with and that leaked into our relationship in so many ways. i truly believe if she had of dealt with her passed issues we would stil be here. she was not the only one to blame i also brought issues to the table but i have worked and turned myself out inside as a person to try and fix/overcome these and i feel i really did. she had an avoidance schema which was a real issue she would always run and shut off from us whenever things were hard, my mind is constantly telling me she was overwhelmed and her avoidance schema kicked in and thats why she ended it as there was no good reason to end it, weeks before she ended it she was telling me that she was finallly ready to get engaged after 8 years?? im so confused? I worry that she has realised this was an overreaction to a minor problem but her pride is stopping her from saying hey this is blown out of proportion can we try and fix this?? i would come running! i'd lay my life down to fix this, what ever it took whatever love she needed it is hers. I worry by the time she comes to this conclusion i will have moved on, not because i wanted to but because the pain is to great and i dont want to take my own life from grief. does one ever truly move on? will i still think about her in years too come? there is that weird sense of hope that we will get back together but i cant hold onto that. when we first started dating she saw a psychic (I dont believe in that stuff) but he told her that she was going to meet her partner and they would be together for life like penguins and that she would have twins with them. over the years i truly believed that and i made that a promise to myself that she was my penguin and that we would be together forever and have twins and i held onto that promise for so long, that promise got me through the hardest time in our relationship and now i feel its been broken it makes me sick to think that im not her penguin and some other man might be? she will have twins and a family with another man? makes me want to curl up and die.

It hurts so much that she wants to move on she couldnt do it anymore 8 years, meant nothing i know she wasnt in it for a long time i just kept pushing and pushing and exhuasting myself trying to fix it, i knew in the back of my mind that it was over a long time ago and that we wouldnt work in the future. she was my best friend though and the only family ive ever had all i wanted was to serve her and love her but there was always this twisted gut feeling in my stomach everytime i thought about our future, not from fear just uncertainty. we broke up once before for a short period of time and she bought someone back to our house within a couple days of us breaking up my mind reels at the thoughts of who she is with now who she is seeing.

**DREAM

I had a dream last night that we met up and i asked had she been with anyone else i asked her and i wanted her to say yes so i could hate her and move forwards in my dream she told me after a week of us separating that she had been sleeping with someone else she began to describe the sexual encounter to me with such joy saying it was hot and sweaty and that they didn't use protection and i remember feeling such a sense of a rage and sadness and sickness all at once in my dream, the though of her with another man made my sick. **DREAM

i woke up and i felt relieved as my mind was still telling me that was a real conversation and i hated her and could let her go and after properly waking up and realising it was a dream i cant shake the feeling the thoughts of that dream and what it meant to me. now i feel like i need to know if she is sleeping with other people so i can move on? WHY IS MY MIND ATTACKING ME LIKE THIS? i want to know that she is with other people so i can hate her so i can detach as i feel thats the only way i can move forward but at the same time i dont want to know either. i have no interest in other women right now, i dont think i ever will. i gave her every part of my heart and soul. ive only ever slept with 2 people in my life and have no interest in sleeping around being with other people, the thought makes me feel sick.

everytime i see anything slightly sexual it reminds me of her it makes me feel sick to my guts as to who she is with. i was her first and she was my second and to be intimate almost every day with the same person for 8 years is so special. i think its a mix of jealousy and fear fear because i know what other men are like and what they are capable and that she has not been exposed to how feral men can be and jealousy because what if she finds someone better than me? what if they pleasure her better or love her more. what if she is more attracted to them then me? she said to me that she still loves me and thats not that she doesnt want me she just doesnt think we have a future?? which is so insanely confusing cause how can you love and want someone but not be willing to commit to marriage and life together and risk going out into the world and hoping you find the connect you had with someone else.

she was my bestfriend, all i wanted was to be around her and in her presence and i think that makes this all so much harder for me. i feel like im one of those people that is always surrounded by people but feel so alone always. she took away the loneliness made me feel complete and normal maybe it was bad that i needed her to make me feel that way, maybe i should learn to feel that way before getting into another relationship. thats what everyone tells you to do. but does anyone actually truly do that? does anyone ever wait untill they are complete and feel whole before getting into another relationsip? i feel like if you were complete and happy being alone you would never get into a relationship at all so i feel like that kind of advice is a lie? what else would compel you to be in a relationship if you have learnt to be happy alone, i understand women having a biological clock and im led to beleive that some women have overwhelming maternal instincts and the need to have children but as a some what succesful male, if i learn to be happy aloen and enjoy my own company? why would i want to get into a relationship what would be the driving force behind that? so i think that type of thinking is a lie and fanciful.

i feel scared to go back home, i know i need to though. i left the state i live in to go stay with my cousins for a wgile to try and clear my head i dont know if it has helped our made things worse? im genuinely not sure.

im so scared of running into her, im so scared of running into her with another man. i dont know how to deal with these feelings of fear and jealousy. i just love her so much and my heart screams for her day in an day out.

even writing this now i feel sick at the thought the she is talking to somoene else and flirting with them and doing sexual things with them.

i think the hardest thing for me to grasp is her being sexually intimate with someone else. that seems to be the trigger for me to spiral and feel sick.

my psycologist told me that those are grief thoughts and to label them grief thoughts and that they will pass but they just make me sicker and sicker everytime i think of them.

im not eating, im not sleeping all i do is train. i feel so insecure and so scared i feel like ive aged so much in our relationship and that im ugly and un lovable so im just destroying my body to stay fit and become stronger than i am. i worry its becoming a mental ilnness almost a body dysphoria i hate myseld and everything about myself.

she was younger than me buy a couple of years and i know she is going to date someone younger than me and they will be fitter and stronger than me and it just hurts so much to think that.

i get angry cause i feel like she used me and robbed me of my life and my best years and that she never had any intention of seeing this through. she just used me as a vessel to get her setup in a career and financially.

[max-is-tired]

Everything (everything will be just fine)

Pairing: established background Anxceitmus, the fic itself is Virgil-centric

Characters: Virgil Sanders, Deceit Sanders, Remus Sanders

Words: 1.304

Warnings: one (1) light sexual innuendo, deadnaming, misgendering, controlling parents, swearing, sympathetic Remus & Deceit

Notes: man I keep posting these fics later and later uh nsakjscncjk anyway, have some Virgil being confident and standing up to his parents, heck yeah. Also, big thanks to @figurative-siren-song for the prompt, I sure had lots of fun writing it <3

Commission me!!  Buy me a coffee!!  Join my Discord server!!  AO3!!

To say that Virgil was anxious would have been an understatement.

Every nerve of his body felt as if it was on fire, his heart beating wildly in his chest as he fought with everything he had not to break down right in the middle of the living room -there was no way his parents were going to miss that, and then he’d have to explain why exactly he was having an anxiety attack and he really did not want to do that.

Not yet at least, not until he was out of the house and ready to leave. If anything were to happen before that, Virgil was 99% sure things would not end up great. For him, anyway.

His phone buzzed in his hoodie pocket, startling him out of his thoughts.

[HissHissMotherfucker] hey, hows it going over there?

[GreenGoblinMan] ik i already offered but if you need me to i still have enough time to come over

[GreenGoblinMan] my morning star and i are great at emotional support :{D

Virgil snorted, shaking his head with a smile -god, why did he have to fall in love with these two dorks?

[RacoonMan] skjcndkjcn

[RacoonMan] we’re about to start loading up the trunk, so the Talk hasnt happened yet

[RacoonMan] and i think ill take a raincheck on that one, rem. i dont want to have to bail you out again

[GreenGoblinMan] awww D}:

[HissHissMotherfucker] dont worry spider, ill make sure he doesnt try to sneak out

[HissHissMotherfucker] do let us know when youre on your way though, we’ve got nightmare before christmas and black cauldron all set up and ready to go

[GreenGoblinMan] and i made grilled cheese!!! the edible kind, dee didnt let me play with any fun ingredients this time

[RacoonMan] you guys know im not big on cheesy shit

[RacoonMan] but god i love you a lot right now

[GreenGoblinMan] ilyt vevee!! and you can show us just how much you love us when you get here :{D

[HissHissMotherfucker] aaaaaaaand moment gone

Virgil huffed out another small laugh, bringing up the keyboard to type out an answer, only to be interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. Quickly, he slipped his phone back into his pocket, taking in a deep breath as he steeled himself for what was about to come.

“Anne!” his mother called, stepping into the living room with a big smile. “Are you ready, dear?”

Virgil barely let himself wince at the mention of his deadname, far too used to it by now -if everything went according to plan, after today he wasn’t going to hear that name ever again anyway.

“Yup, all packed up and ready to be loaded in the car.”

Virgil’s dad nodded in understanding, the last of the boxes from upstairs still perched up in his arms.

“Very well, then let’s get started,” he said, gesturing with his head towards the front door they’d opened beforehand.

Virgil nodded, crouching down to take a few boxes of his own. Immediately, his mother shot forward, resting her hand on his forearm with a frown.

“Honey, let your dad handle the heavy lifting,” she said, voice sickeningly sweet, “that’s not something a girl should have to deal with.”

“Well, thank fuck I’m not a girl then,” Virgil wanted to say, feeling the familiar irritation bubble up in his gut. Still, he kept silent, biting the inside of his cheek until the urge passed.

Just a little more. He had to deal with all of this just a little bit more.

“Don’t worry mom, I got this,” he said instead, carefully shrugging her hand away. “Besides, if I let dad do all the work then I’d risk being late and getting stuck in the rush hour traffic, which I really don’t want to deal with.”

His mother huffed but relented, following Virgil out of the door as he went to settle the boxes on the asphalt beside the open trunk.

“I still don’t understand why you wouldn’t want us to come with, honestly,” she kept pressing, crossing her arms in obvious displeasure. “We can help you set your room up, make sure everything is alright…”

And that’s exactly why I don’t want you to come, Virgil thought, resisting the urge to roll his eyes as he walked back towards the house.

It didn’t take them long to load the whole car up, and before Virgil knew it, everything was set up and ready to go.

Well, time to get this show on the road, he guessed.

“We can still come with you, you know that right?” his father remarked for the fifth time in less than an hour. “Your college is not too far away, after all.”

“At least text us once you get there,” his mother huffed, “and remember, no pit stops or something of the like. Drive straight to your dorm, you understand me, young girl?”

This time, Virgil did roll his eyes, walking around the car towards the driver’s seat. “Don’t worry mom, the only place I want to be right now is my apartment.”

Virgil could almost pinpoint the moment his words registered for his parents, instinctively tightening his hand around his phone as his heart started to speed up again.

The device buzzed and he looked down again, seeing the new message blinking up at him from the screen.

[HissHissMotherfucker] you can do this, Virgil. We believe in you

Virgil smiled, his grip loosening as a sudden surge of confidence filled his chest. With Dee and Remus by his side, he felt as if he could overcome anything.

“You’re going to a college dorm, Anne, not an apartment,” his mother pointed out, eyes reduced to slits as she dared him to contradict her.

Virgil met her gaze head-on, the most unafraid he’d ever felt around his parents.

“Nope,” he said, popping the ‘p’, “I’m going to my apartment, where my boyfriends are waiting for me. I told you I didn’t want to go to college, not my fault you didn’t listen.”

“And what, you’re going to throw away your future like that?!” his father asked, looking absolutely flabbergastered. “You need your college degree, you can’t just throw away years of work and savings because you want to be rebellious!”

“No, you were the one who wanted me to go to college!” Virgil countered, ignoring the way his heart jumped in his chest when his father raised his voice. “I told you I wasn’t interested, but you never listened! Because what do I know, right? It’s not like this is my life we’re talking about or anything! And you can keep that money, I don’t need it -I have my own, and a job waiting just for me as soon as I settle in my new home.”

“You’re making a mistake,” his father warned, voice low and angry in a way that made Virgil’s stomach instinctively twist in fear. “Don’t think you’ll be able to just crawl back here for forgiveness when your little plan blows up.”

“Oh don’t worry, I’m not planning on it,” Virgil seethed, finally entering the car and starting the engine.

“Don’t you dare drive out of this driveway, young lady!” his mother shouted, slamming her hand on the car seat on Virgil’s right. “No daughter of mine will go waste her life with such bad influences!”

“Well, thank god I’m not your daughter then,” Virgil shot back, before pressing his foot over the accelerator and finally, finally leaving everything behind.

Once he reached a red light at an intersection, he let out a relieved laugh, resting his head on the steering wheel. Grinning, he slipped out his phone, typing out a quick text before taking the first turn towards his new life.

[RacoonMan] get ready to unload an entire car worth of things fuckers

[RacoonMan] im coming

[ainti-pretty]

Hi!

What do you think about Iorveth in realationship? And can you write differences (if you think they will be), if his "love" is human or elf.

yeah! i can!

as a multishipper (heehee) ill just write for all of them bc i imagine each take place during VERY different times in his life. it also describes the relationship and that dynamic so yea. i hope this is what u wanted. oops

its also a bit long!! so there is a cut

tw: (all are mentioned and its not too in deth but be careful) death, trauma, drinking

first, id like to start of with iorveth as a youngster:

-he was probably rlly fucking hot as teen/young adult before he really got involved in the scoia'tael and got the scar and probably. slept around a lot. he probably wasnt big on commitment as he was young and maybe was in a few long(ish) term relationships but he mostly just chilled until his parents were killed by humans and he got his scar

next, onto beginnings of scoia'tael years/cedric:

-i think that iorveth and cedric joined together as friends but gradually grew closer

-but, after he got the scar i think it fucked up his self esteem so he was a lot less open with his affections

-the trauma of losing his parents and being there was. in short. not good.

-i feel like he definately got incredibly invested in the scoia'tael during this time because it and cedric were all he had

-and he dearly loved cedric, and although he had lost a ton of his self esteem, he found strength in cedric and they were a power couple for a few decades. the slept together, they cuddled, they held hands whenever they had the chance, and they truly truly loved each other very much

-until cedrics health/mental health got worse and they broke up (which broke both their hearts), and iorveth blamed himself when cedric left the scoia'tael.

moving onto ciaran:

-ciaran (as per my previous hc on him) lost his parents as a teen and was wandering around trying to get revenge on humans whenever he could for years before iorveth met him.

-naturally, iorveth fell hard.

-but, after cedric left he decided to bottle it up and ignore bc he didnt want to ""ruin"" anyone else again by being too invested in the scoia'tael.

-unfortunately for iorveth, ciaran also fell in love with him, and after years of waiting when hes second in command, ciaran confessed

-iorveth flipped the fuck out because he was like. no. that cant be possible! im unlovable and i hurt people and im just going to ruin him!

-this is partially because of what happened with cedric, and partially because ciaran (although CERTAINLY an adult), is definately younger, and iorveth thinks he deserves better than him

-he knows what hes done for the scoia'tael and knows hes not a good person, and hopes that he can scare ciaran into leaving.

-it doesnt work. and they both end up crying.

-once they are together though, there is a definate change in their relationship vibe from iorveth and cedrics. they certainly sleep together and cuddle and do all the relationship things that cedric and iorveth did, but iorveth is clearly holding something back

-they decide that while they both love each other dearly, they cannot be in a health/stable relationship with just each other because its clear that iorveth is in no way able to properly be in a relationship at that moment

-they decide to open up the relationship and thats where vernon roche comes in

yeah. vernon roche. this is where iorveth sorta has a. oh fuck its a human moment.

-as you all know, roche was the leader of the scoia'tael in flotsams greatest enemy, the blue stripes, a special forces commando designed to stop the scoia'tael.

-after having a WHOLE enemies to lovers situation, they find themselves in a situation.

-they both love each other. and they are both two war criminals who FINALLY end on the same side after years of fighting (lets just say iorveth joined for the kaer morhen fight against the wild hunt) and it seems like everything is fine

-its not.

-first of all, they both have lots and lots of issues other than that they are both war criminals:

1. iorveth has never dated a human before, let alone a man he nearly killed and has nearly killed him on many occasions.

2. iorveth feels like hes betraying the ideals of the scoia'tael along with his parents for dating a human, and this feeling hits even moreso bc its roche.

3. iorveth has loads and loads of attachment issues, and even though he and ciaran still have their thing going on (that roche is aware of and understands), he still really hasnt been in any recent relationships that havent ended in someone leaving

4. iorveth really doesnt quite understand human customs other than what he can tell from spying. he spends lots of time in the woods and knows far more about trade routes to and from flotsam than he really knows of human culture. its almost embarassing.

5. iorveth sometimes gets worried its all a ploy to get roche to kill him and that theres plans to hurt the former scoia'tael due to anti-elf racism

moving onto roches issues, which while there are less of, they dont help:

1. as a child of a sex worker and single mother, roche found himself also getting involved in sex work, which gave him consent issues bc he really did have a choice in the matter bc it was do the job or starve.

2. hes a half elf but right before he was drafted into the army he cut the tips of his ears off to make him look more human. this makes it hard for him to connect w iorveth bc he really doesnt know elf customs, but doing human customs just never felt right

3. he also has some issues from his previous relationship w foltest, which was Not Even slightly healthy, and is still trying to cope w the realization that it was worse than he thought

all of this results in a lot of miscommunication, especially because iorveth (for a long time DURING the relationship) didnt know roche was half-elf and wanted to do all the elven traditions he hadnt been able to join. they dont know what the other wants, and they dont know what the other needs because once again. issues galore. iorveth also probably would be more able to get into fights than any other relationships (because unlike ciaran or cedric, roche is abrasive) which means that there would be a lot of hurt at the beginning of it.

HOWEVER, after they actually talk, and roche is like. hey im half elf, and more than willing to do things the traditional elven way (which iorveth is far more familiar and comfortable with), they sorta get into a routine of things.

and it begins to be a secure and steady and healthy relationship.

tdlr: iorveth has shitty self worth, trust issues and struggles with communication sometimes so things get muddled but when he falls, he falls hard. but the relationships hes in are very different depending on who it is. hes more comfortable with other nonhumans, but even before knowing roche is half-elf, he would give his life for them.

[letstalkaboutshtufff]

Geralt x reader We're Married? Part 1

Hey guys, thank you so much for all the love for my other story! I was so nervous posting it and you guys were just the best💕 this story was harder to write and I'm not sure it's as good as the other one but I'm gonna post it anyway. 

This can be read as a part 3 to the injured reader story:)

Part 2 here

Pairing: Geralt x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, blood, mentions of death, mentions of past sexual abuse.

*********************

Out of all the places you'd traveled too with the witcher, this had to be one of the nicest.

As you walked through the kingdom known as Servia you couldn't help but stare at everything around you. Vendors lined the streets selling everything you could possibly imagine, shining jewelry, beautifully woven fabrics, and oooooooh well well well what do we have here!!!

You made a beeline for the tray of freshly baked pastries, a seductive look on your face,

"Well hello boys...which one of you wants to come home with me hehehe, or perhaps I should take you all home? Oooh your so bad hehe, well if you insist hahahahaha".

From afar Geralt sighed and Jaskier just looked on with disturbing confusion, "Geralt? What exactly is she doing?" His face twisted uncomfortablely as you continued talking and giggling like a maniac.

"She has a thing about....desserts" Geralt closed his eyes and shuddered as he remembered the one time he left you alone in an inn and you used up all of his coin to order one of literally everything on the menu. He practically had to roll you away afterwards.

"My God geralt shes scaring the baker now".

Jaskier scrunched his mouth as he watched you continue to whisper to the pastries, completely unaware of the weird looks people were giving you." I swear brothel whores are more subtle.."

Geralt grunted and made his way over to you, "We'll uh...take however much this will get us" he placed a coin in the bakers hand and watched your eyes glint like a maniac when he handed you the box.

"There now that you have your sweets, can we please hurry! We can't be late!" Jaskier pleaded pushing you in the correct path again.

"Alright alright no more stops I promise....wait does anyone else smell chocolate?" You look around frantically.

"NO" the both of them shout in unison and drag you forward.

"Ugh ok, I was just asking geez.."you pout.

"Remind me again who we're meeting?" You questioned, looking up at Jaskier who rolled his eyes back at you.

"Ugh how many times do I have to tell you?!"

"His name is Yavert, hes the advisor of the royal family here and he also happens to be the man who requested our help".

You nodded your head, "oh yes I remember now" ok you actually had no idea what he was talking about but whatever, you'll figure it out.

Some time later you found yourselves gawking at the massive architecture that was the Castle de Servia. Calling it massive would be doing it a disservice. The structure went higher than your eyes could see and wider than any other castle you've been to. "Holy fuck.." Jaskier whispered in awe.

Geralt shook his head as if he was already fed up with it all, "let's go"

The guards led you through the castle and into a small side room. Red carpets lined the floors along with a beautiful mahogany table. The walls had several portraits, obviously of the royal family. You saw an older man, a woman, and a young girl about your age all ornately painted. Hmm why do people always look so upset in portraits. Couldn't the artist just add a smile?

A creak at the door gained everyone's attention. A man, probably in his mid fifties, entered. He was balding and on the fluffier side, dressed in a puffy sleeved shirt, with a velvet red vest over it.

"Welcome, please, have a seat, you all must be tired from your jouney" he said gesturing to the chairs.

"You have no idea what a relief it is to have you here Geralt of Rivia" a look of exhaustion fell over face.

"So what's the job" Geralt asked, straight to the point as usual.

The man looked uncomfortable for a moment before he scooted closer and leaned in as if he was telling a secret,

"Well..our...problem, began a few weeks ago when the alliance between Targeris and our own kingdom was official. Since then there have been several banquets of celebration, as there are still many things being discussed and processed. One of those being the upcoming wedding of our Princess Annora and their Prince Edgrin. Hence the big celebration we are having this evening, an engagement party of sorts."

"And the problem?" Geralt cocked a brow.

The man swallowed before continuing, "Well..since the alliance, there have been disappearances..."

"Dissapearances?" You echoed interested.

"Important Servia officials have suddenly been going missing..the first on the night the kings signed the peace agreement, the second when the marriage was announced.. and then.." he looked around wearily and lowered his voice even more, "things have gotten much worse.."

"How exactly did they get worse" Geralt inquired, suspicious of how Yavert was acting.

"At the last party, about a week ago, one of our ambassadors was found dead.."

Geralt narrowed his eyes, "what aren't you saying.."

The man gulped, " it was the way he died, no man could have..." he paused closing his eyes, obvious memories making him shudder. "No man could have done it, it had to be a monster".

"How can you be so sure?" You asked leaning in now intrigued.

"The body..was so mangled we could barely identify the man. His innards were ripped out and his eyes...they were gone. Clearly it was the work of a beast."

Geralt narrowed his brows, "I have never encountered a monster before that hand picks their pray." You nodded in agreement.

All the monsters you'd faced just destroyed everything in their path. And why would a monster suddenly decide to start targeting officials from Servia? It just doesnt make any sense.

"Please witcher, help us with finding and slaying the creature and we will pay whatever means necessary" he placed a large pouch in front of us.

"Hmm" geralt thought for a few moments, then turned to you wordlessly asking your opinion. A new habit that did make you feel more like partners.

You shrugged your shoulders in a "why not?" Sort of way.

"Alright what the hell.." he grabbed the pouch and stood up.

"Wait, theres a few more things you need to know.." Geralt sat back down with a grunt.

"It is important that you are discreet, no one can know who you or your companions are, not even the king and queen themselves.."

"What?!" Your eyes widened.

"They dont know?" Geralt asked completely bewildered.

"I have advised the king and queen since they first began their reign many years ago. They trust me with their lives I would never lie to them...except..." he sighed and continued, "we have been at odds with targeris for so long, and finally peace is withing our grasp.

But if the king catches wind of what's going on, he will no doubt blame Targeris. Our king is good, but his fault lies with his hate for Targeris. It took much convincing from everyone to finally have the king agree to peace. But he would quickly jump to accuse them. I have no doubt a war would begin if this were to happen...for the sake of peace, they cannot know.." he looked down in shame.

"And the king just doesn't notice all these officials have gone missing?" Geralt shook his head in disbelief.

"Well...we have done our best to cover them up...but the king is getting suspicious, which is why we need to figure out what exactly is going on before anything else happens."

Everything about this job just seemed off. A monster who hand picks their prey, disappearing officials, and the king hasnt even the slightest idea?

"How are we supposed to find this monster without having our identities revealed?" You cocked your head in question.

"Ah yes well, I have prepared an airtight alias for the both of you, after all if you're going to fool people, you will need real identities"

"Fool people? Why cant we just stay in the shadows until something pops up?". Monster hunting in your experience was much easier when there weren't people around. Probably monster hunting rule #1.

"Unfortunately you would not be able to as the king has eyes and ears everywhere, it would not be long before youd be questioned and ultimately found out." Yavert explains.

"Alright.." you say hesitantly, "So how are we supposed to track the monster then?

"So far all the accidents have occurred during nightfall. By blending in as elite members of society, no one will question you as you move about, not even the royal family."

God this just keeps getting more confusing..

"So not only do we have to worry about finding a seemingly brilliant monster, but also worry about being found out?" Jaskier piped in for the first time this entire conversation.

"Yes that's correct.." he nodded slowly.

"Unfortunately I was only able to manage 2 identities, you will be known as Sir and Lady Trestin. A well known name, although the couple is known for not socializing so the risk of someone recognizing that you're not them is extremely low, here are your official invitations you will have to present at the door." He slid some documents our way.

"Wait I'm sorry did you say couple? As in couple of friends? Couple of siblings? Couple of cousins??" Surely he didnt mean-

"The lady and sir Tristan and husband and wife..is that a problem?" He questioned eyebrow raised.

"No of course not.." Um maybe a little! Sure I've fantasized about it before *cough* but now to actually act it out?? This was going to be an adventure for sure..

"What about me?" Jaskier pipes in again.

"You can be our dog" Geralt says not missing a beat.

"Oh that's low geralt" he recoils dramatically.

"How about servant boy?" You offer with a shrug.

"Do I have to?" He gives a puppy dog look to Yavert.

"I'm afraid it's the only way" Yavert smiled slightly.

"Alright, now then, this is the address you will go to for preperation my lady and for the sirs, you'll come with me" you all stood up and parted ways.

Geralt as your husband? This could actually be fun..

‐------------------------------------------------

"OUCH" you yelled for the thousandth time at the stupid woman who's mission was to tighten your corset until your eyes popped out.

"I'm sorry my lady but this must be done.." you sighed holding the wall for support.

"Especially a lady as...." she trailed off.

"Curvy as you.." did this bitch just?!?!

"You're job is to get me ready not tell me I've eaten too many sweets in my day" you rolled your eyes.

"Besides its nearing winter, I need the extra fluff for survival purposes"

"Well I think a little extra meat on a girl is highly attractive" a new voice chimed in.

"Jaskier? When did you get here?" You couldn't help out the small laugh when you truly got a good look at him. He wore the typical servants garb but his hair had been slicked back. He looked like a boiled egg.

"Don't you laugh too! I swear you and Geralt are so mean to me" he dejectedly sprawled himself out on a cushioned chair.

"Speaking of.." you looked at the door, "Where is he?"

"Hes still getting ready, a sir takes much longer than a mere servant." You laughed at his miserable tone.

"Oh lighten up Jaskier, servant boys have plenty of fun at these parties too, I'm sure some lady will see your puppy face and take you in" you smirked.

"Let's hope so.." another girl came in this time holding a few brightly colored dresses in her arms.

"Turn around boy" the older woman scolded.

"And you, arms up!" You complied as she slid the softest fabric you've ever felt over your body.

Your turned to look at the mirror, "Eww gross no way, Jaskier look! I'm a pineapple!" You both laughed annoying the girls. "Alright next!"

*insert shopping montage with corny music here*

"This one?"

Nods head

Next!

Both nod heads

Maybe? Actually nevermind..

No

No

No

Next

Eww what even is this color barf in the spring??

No

WAIT! HELL YES!

Jaskier nods in agreement.

*Montage ends*

An hour later you were ready, the beautuful _____ colored gown was the perfect shape on your body. It wasnt like most of the boring dresses you had tried on. And you decided to ditch the corset..

"It isnt proper!" One scolded.

"But you have to admit, it's a hell of alot sexier.." Jaskier nodded looking over me.

"Plus I can actually breathe!" And besides how were you supposed to fight monsters if you couldn't move? You left that part out obviously.

The girls just shook their heads in exasperation and finished up your hair and make up in another room.

"There now you're ready" the ladies smiled in satisfaction and left. You thanked them and made your way out to where Jaskier was.

His eyes lit up when he saw you, "Y/n! You look amazing! Although you always look beautiful" he smirked taking your arm.

"Thank you Jaskier, after everything those ladies put me through I better look like a fucking goddess" you both laughed remembering how he had to hold you down while they waxed your legs.

Together you left the shop and you swore for a moment you forgot how to breathe. Now Geralt in full body armor is one thing, but princely Geralt? Well your dreams were Surely going to be wild tonight. Never had you seen the witcher so finely pressed before. It was very...refreshing.

His gaze rose as he finally noticed the two of you. You forgot how to breathe when he looked over you. "Well? What do you think?" You asked a little embarrassed.

"Well...no one will be questioning who you are when you're looking like that" the corner of his lips rose slighty and he stepped to the side, gesturing us into the waiting carriage.

That was a compliment right?? He meant like because you look so beautiful so one is going to ask questions right? Not, well you look like a snooty aristocrat so no one will question???? Ok I'm going with the first one. Stop overthinking geez.

The ride to the castle was quick and soon you were arm in arm with your "husband".

"Come along boy, don't dawdle" geralt teased behind him.

"Dont be mean" you lightly shoved him but couldn't help but laugh as well.

"What great friends I have.."he mumbled....

******************

Ok so that's part 1, lemme know if it's any good. Also I'm kinda new to this so I don’t know the tagging etiquette lol so I just tagged whoever asked. Also part 2 will be uploaded tonight too as soon as I finish editing xoxo 

@marvels-gurl @shane-isa-shame @waitingtobeimpressed @viking-raider @dream-alittlebiggerdarling

[joontier]

“One-Love”| CH. 3 - Wealth in Volumes

–> Summary: Love translates to zero in the tennis scoring system – the only thing keeping the scoreless player on the court is his love for the game.

–> Pairings: jung hoseok x female reader; kim seokjin x female reader

–> Rating: NC17

–> Genre/warnings:  FLUFF ASDFASJLDKF; a day in the life of a rich ass family basically; your cliché teenage crush feels; swearing; y/n forgetting her own period sksksk; Hobi being a slight perv; suggestive language; 

–> Words: 6.7k

–> A/N: good lord this hasnt been proofread bUT MY IMPATIENT ASS COULDNT WAIT; dunno how i managed to poop out 6.7k but here ya go i guess

“One-Love” Masterlist

Chapter 3: Wealth in Volumes

A sigh escapes your lips when there’s nearly no space left from the condensation that has formed on the container lid from all the patterns you’ve drawn for the past few minutes. Hoseok has never been this late before and neither did he miss a day at school. First period is starting soon and you’re starting to worry if something came up.

Hoseok arrives exactly two minutes before first period. The boy looks disheveled with unkempt hair and the top button of his uniform left open to complete the look. Hiro Yamada lets out a loud whistle the moment Hoseok steps in class. “Damn Hobi, never knew you were the kind to take quickies this early in the morning!” The boys snicker at Hiro’s comment while the girls vocally express their disgust towards the crudeness of it all.

“Seems like a tempting idea, whatcha think, _______?” Nadia whispers from behind, chortling louder when you miss at your attempt to smother her with your book. Hoseok seems disinterested by Hiro’s remark, but his lips curve into a small smile as he replies, “Jealous?” as Jimin and the others lose it at Hoseok’s response.

The daily classroom chaos continues, only ceasing when Ms. Chamber enters the room and greets the class a good morning. She’s a substitute teacher that will temporarily take over your Business & Management subject while your actual teacher, Mr. Santiago, is on his sick leave. It’s eerily quiet when she steps in, but your class is usually like this with relatively new teachers.

“Mock research paper.”

Three words is all it takes before a collective groan erupts from the class, complaints and protests, easily drowning out Ms. Chamber’s gentle voice. She taps a whiteboard marker against her desk. “Hey! I know, I know…” she sighs, resting against the table. “Try to think of it this way, you’d have additional reference for your papers next year, plus you have three months to accomplish this.”

The rest of the class continues to groan in objection. “On the bright side, I’ll let you work with partners. Go and take your pick.” Exhales of relief are heard throughout the room. Turning around to face Nadia, you wriggle your eyebrows suggestively. No spoken words are needed to express your intentions of choosing her as partner. She declines though, much to your surprise. You raise an eyebrow when Nadia nods her head toward Hoseok who’s sitting quietly beside you. Then she points to the Tupperware on your lap. You sigh. “Besides, I’m sick of your useless ass! I’m not flanking this subject because of you.” “Hey!” you cry indignantly at the accusation. She shrugs you off, giving you a double thumbs up before standing from her seat to approach someone else.

‘It’s now or never’, you think, contemplating on how to approach your seatmate. Without much thought put into planning, you place the container on his desk. He looks at you with wide eyes then onto the Tupperware in front of him. “Be my partner?” His eyes turn into small crescent moons at your proposal. Before he tries to look at what’s inside the container, your hand stops him.

“But before anything else, I didn’t get to say thank you for yesterday…”

“Yesterday?”

“Yeah, for your cheering and all… I don’t think I would’ve survived the game if it weren’t for your support. It really helped me. A lot.”

“______. Listen to me. You survived and won because you’re you, okay? You are a smart player. And besides, like I said, if it were easy, I would’ve done it instead.” He snorts, those tiny dimples above his mouth peeking out to say hi.

“Now what do we have here?” he asks, trying to look through the condensation on the lid. “It’s bibimbap. I’ve heard once that it was your favorite. So I made it for you this morning… It’s probably gone cold now and I know you don’t like eating food that’s gone cold so I can just take this back if…” your hands are slowly creeping up the container, and this time it’s he who stops you.

“______ it’s fine. You really didn’t have to but I truly appreciate this. Thanks.”

;

“Wow.”

No other word comes out of your mouth but the monosyllabic expression. You probably should’ve been used to it at this point, after staying long enough at Thames. The subtle normality of everything for them that is extreme to you is something that will most likely take some time to get used to. The expensive cars, the more extravagant hobbies…hell, the tuition fee alone was enough to make your knees turn to jelly.

You and Hoseok both agreed to start the paper as early as possible so here you were on a Saturday morning, trying to figure out the maze that is Hoseok’s residential village. To your luck, Hoseok suggested that you come over to his house to talk over your assignment, else he would’ve lost himself in the mess at your home.  

“Which street was it again? Your father asks, diverting your attention from the mansions lined up along the street. “Uh, it was Harrison I think…” you recall, grabbing your phone to check the address. “I’ve been here a few times before for Hobi’s training but the clubhouse was just a block away from the village’s entrance. Now, I’m not even sure if we’re still in the same country.” Your lips press into a firm line at your father’s lame attempt at a joke, but you also had a hunch that you had driven yourselves out of the village, or worse – straight to another one.

Your father rolls down his window to see the street signs clearer, also on the lookout for potential help. Driving over to the side, your dad puts the blinkers on as he tries to assess the directions that Hoseok had previously given you. “I’m pretty sure we followed it,” he mumbles, taking another glance outside the car’s window.

Before you offer to try calling Hoseok, a van behind you honks and stops beside your car. When they roll their window down, you instantly recognize the pair, Tita and Adit who both work for Hoseok’s family. “Sir Hoseok told us you were nearby. We figured we might see you on our way home.” Tita says, waving at you while Adit tells your dad to tail them.

A street and a relieved sigh from your father later, your dad finally drops you off in front of the house and a black steel gate slides open at your arrival, revealing a contemporary wonder of a mansion. “Remember to always be on your best behavior. I’m sure the Jungs are nice and all, but don’t take advantage of it. Please don’t touch anything, god knows what sort of eccentric antique they might’ve spent their money on. And no funny business!” He repeats your mother’s endless reminders that by the time he finishes, you’re already standing outside the car, fingers tapping against the car door impatiently. “Yes dad, I knowww-“ His eyes squint at you, “Fine, but don’t come home crying when you’ve accidentally broken something worth more than our lives combined. You’re selling your own kidneys, kid.”

With a curt wave, he rolls the window back up and drives away. Tita waits by the gate to walk you to the front door. Suspicions confirmed, this house spoke wealth in volumes. She chuckles at you as you take your time with every step, pebbles crunching underneath your weight while your eyes marvel the alluring abode. Waiting for you by the threshold, she beckons you over with a wave. “Sir Hobi has been waiting for you all morning.”

You quicken your steps, cheeks flushing with embarrassment. She must’ve thought it strange to have you gawking all over the place. You’ve gone to Nadia’s place a few times, but there really wasn’t anything to compare since she lived at an apartment, albeit a luxurious one, it was still different having an actual house and property. Considerably, foreigners didn’t exactly have rights to own residential property in the country which is why it came as a surprise to you that Hoseok lives in this elite village, more so when you realize he resides in an actual estate.

The mansion is beautiful beyond description. With the interior looking like an actualization of a designer’s 3D floor plan, your eyes take a good sweeping look at the place while Tita asks you to take a seat as she calls for Hoseok. You wonder how lovely it is to come home to this every day. It’s spacious enough to practice a floor exercise yet somehow it feels homey with the serenity that comes with the place, despite being situated at the heart of the city. You notice a perfectly mowed courtyard outside the glass walls and the glistening water of the swimming pool at the far edge.

A lady carrying a glass of water and something else wrapped in a plastic bag. Placing the glass on the table, she kneels to where your feet are rested and unwraps the bag. She pulls out a pair of disposable slippers, slips them on your feet and takes your shoes away before you could get a word out.

“_______!” Hoseok calls from above before scurrying down, his own slippers flicking against the staircase noisily. His arms reach out for a hug but pulls them back just as fast, realizing it would’ve been too awkward this early in your friendship (that he secretly hopes will blossom into something more). You don’t put much thought into it, waving at him in greeting instead. “Have you eaten breakfast yet?” You give him a nod in reply.

“Oh…you should eat breakfast again then!” You decline his offer, assuring him that you just had a heavy breakfast. Okay, you may or may not have grabbed a single sandwich off someone else’s plate on your way out, after spending too much time trying to look presentable. Hoseok won’t have any of your protests, so he drags you to the kitchen by the hand, “Hobi!” There’s a slight chill that runs through you when his skin touches yours, his slender fingers enveloping your short ones.

Hoseok leads you to the dining room where there’s enough food prepared for a family of ten. He checks each container then back at you, inspecting your features like he’s morphed into Gordon Ramsay. Hoseok is still holding your hand by the time he brings you to the kitchen and quite frankly you don’t want him to stop.

Another lady in the identical scrub suit greets him as you both enter, her lips forming a small smile when she sees your hands together. Her eyes meet yours when she asks Hoseok if he needed anything. “Just wanted to see what ______ wanted to eat.” Your head shakes to say ‘no’ but Hoseok sees this as the complete opposite. “She’s just shy.” You send her an apologetic smile when he drags you once more around the marble countertop to face a four-door fridge that towers the both of you easily.

This damn thing is a whole supermarket! The stored food could make up the whole color wheel. He points out five different cheeses, fruits cut into bits and stowed away in containers, multiple bottles of water, milk, and juice. Hoseok even lets you inside their pantry, where stacks of food and beverages make up at least seven full shelves inside. To Hoseok it seems like he’s just offering you food, but to you it feels like he’s taking you to the grocery.

The curious voice at the back of your head is telling you to give in to the temptation but your mother’s voice appears out of nowhere, her voice ringing in your ears – “They’re nice, but don’t abuse their generosity.” Your stomach grumbles, voicing its opinion so you settle on a compromise. “Um, there already seems to be plenty of food at the table and unless they’re for someone else…” “Are you sure? Mom felt homesick so she cooked all of those this morning. Although I doubt you’re familiar with Korean food – they can be a bit spicy. I know you don’t like spicy food.”

Your heart warms at the thought of him remembering the little things but then you recall how his mother made all those just because she felt homesick – your mom won’t even cook two dishes for dinner and Mrs. Jung is out here cooking a whole feast for no one in particular just because she wants to lift her spirits. “I don’t like spicy food but it doesn’t mean I can’t handle it,” you start “and I’m sure you mom’s cooking is lovely.”

“Breakfast it is then.”

You agree on Mrs. Jung’s specialty – her kimchi fried rice while Hoseok asks the lady for bibimbap. She nods curtly, returning to the kitchen to reheat the food. When the lady serves Hoseok the steaming bowl of his favorite dish, Hoseok consequently whispers in your ear, “Don’t tell them, but I like yours better.” He follows that with a roguish wink. You blink owlishly in return, unsure whether your cheeks are burning because of the steam from the bowl in front of you or because of Hoseok’s comment.

The lady serves Hoseok a steaming bowl of bibimbap, to which Hoseok consequently whispers in your ear, “Don’t worry I like yours better.”

;

Hoseok tiredly rubs at his eyes, deeming he’s done enough schoolwork for the day, taking a turn on his swivel chair. When you check the time displayed on the upper right corner of your laptop, it’s been three hours since breakfast with Hoseok. And, surprisingly, the amount of schoolwork you’ve done is twice as much as you achieve when you’re partnered with Nadia. You’ll have to rub this in her face on Monday.

Hoseok’s habits had prevailed over your cramming and you’re glad that time had passed in productivity. Then again, you had been too shy to open up about other topics when he’s right beside you, typing away furiously the whole time. When you take a glance on his screen, it seems like he’s already written a whole page while you’re stuck with a paragraph that screams disappointment.

“_______, you okay?” You hadn’t realized you’ve been staring at your paragraph of shame for so long.

“Uh, yeah, of course.” Closing your laptop quickly before he gets a peek, you move your own chair away from his desk, stretching out your limbs. Suddenly, you feel an all-too-familiar ache in your lower abdomen and you panic, checking the mini calendar on Hoseok’s desk. Damn, how could you not have realized it’s the last week of the month? And on top of all that, you had to be in another person’s house of all days, wearing a bloody dress! (pun may or may not have been intended)

“Um, can I use your toilet for a minute?”

He looks your way and nods. You panic a little bit when his eyes never leave yours, ensuing a staring contest between the both of you. A beat passes and he shrugs at you, returning his attention to his phone.

You don’t realize you’ve been holding in your breath when he door finally clicks behind you. Twirling in your dress, you search for any stain. There’s a small one, perhaps a few inches long, the red taint an obvious contrast against your yellow dress.

Grabbing a roll of tissue nearby, you place a few sheets under the water until it’s wet enough. Hastily, you rub it against the stain until the tissue tears into pieces. You repeat the process, jumping in victory when the stain starts discoloring. You even squeeze a dollop of liquid soap on your dress in the hopes of making the stain go away.

All your efforts prove to be in vain when the stain doesn’t lighten any further than the very visible brownish spot at the back of your dress.

Your hands are turning red from all the scrubbing and your chest is heaving with painful, ragged breaths that come forth. The tissue breaks apart for the nth time now and you try to grab more sheets but your eyes are already blurry, wet, fat tears coating your cheeks.

God, you’re so fucking stupid. How could you not have foreseen something that happens to you on a monthly basis?! All the tell-tale signs were there: abdominal pains, ache, sensitivity… you feel yourself sliding down the wall in embarrassment, an unwanted loud sob escaping your lips.

You hear footsteps padding along the wooden floor of Hoseok’s bedroom. No, please. “________?” You don’t answer. You don’t want to answer. Another sob escapes your lips. “_______, I’m coming in, okay?”

Hoseok instantly crouches down when he sees you sitting on the floor. “Hey, what’s wrong?” You still don’t answer; instead, you look away as you fiddle with your fingers. “You know you can tell me anything right?” He adjusts his legs, now fully seated on the floor. You both stay there in silence, before Hoseok pulls your head to rest on his shoulder, he can’t see your face like this, what could’ve possibly made you so upset, so he just holds you there, his other hand blindly reaching your face to wipe at your cheeks.

Figuring there’s no other way out of this, you gather up your courage. “I-I am on my period…” Your voice is small, yet it reaches Hoseok’s hearing perfectly clear. He still doesn’t get what’s possibly made you cry while on your period. Some girls tend to be more emotional than usual, perhaps, head tilted to the side as he recalls his lessons on human anatomy.

You can practically feel the clogs in Hoseok’s head so you give him a little more detail. “On my back, there’s…something. And I don’t have any extra clothes – gosh, this is beyond embarrassing. You must think I’m gross” Hoseok finally catches on, body stiff at the realization. It wasn’t like he was disgusted (because that would be totally immature) but it was more of lack of knowledge on how to approach situations like these.

He asks if it’s okay for him to call Tita so you can tell her what you need but not before reminding you that such natural process of life was nothing to be ashamed of. “Besides, better late than pregnant, right?” He scurries away afterwards, informing you that he’s going to be picking a nice outfit for you because you’re both going out to meet his mother for lunch at one of his favorite restaurants.

;

You both decide to sit on a nearby bench as you wait. There’s room for at least four people yet Hoseok decides to sit right beside you, your thighs touching, the proximity not lost on you. Surprisingly enough, you don’t feel any awkwardness lingering around, instead, you feel more secured with him beside you like this. Both basking in comfortable silence, save the buzz of the people walking around, Hoseok notices an elderly couple stand close by and he stands abruptly, offering the seat to them. The old lady gushes over him and praises how courteous the young man was. Hoseok stands by your side and looks around the area while the same lady closes the distance between you two. “He’s a keeper,” she whispers, sending a wink your way. Opening your mouth to clarify that you two are just friends, a loud ring from Hoseok’s pocket startles you.

“Hi mom! Yeah, we just arrived…she’s here beside me…what? Okay hang on…” He pulls the phone away from his ear as he presses on the speaker button on the screen. “You’re on speaker now, mom.”

“Oh, hi! _________, sweetie are you there?”

“Hello Mrs. Jung!”

“Great. Um, I’m really sorry about this darling but I really really need to finish this meeting. Hopefully it’ll end in less than an hour though, I hope you don’t mind. I really wanted to take you kids out to lunch today, but if you’re really hungry you can go ahead…I’ve already made reservations at Samwon under Hobi’s name…”

Your eyes widen at her proposal, head shaking vigorously to say no. Surely, it’d be rude to not wait for the person offering you a free meal right? “I really don’t mind waiting Mrs. Jung. Besides, we’ve had plenty of your lovely kimchi fried rice this morning so…”

“Ah, it’s really nothing love, well, at least, if you compare it to my brother’s restaurant. But anyways, I have to get back to the meeting now. How ‘bout I’ll have Hobi treat you to some ice cream or froyo or a something to snack on while you wait, alright?”

“You really don’t have to Mrs. Jung!” Your protests fall into deaf ears.

“Oh shush, darling. Don’t worry about it! And please, call me Auntie from now on, alright?”

“O-okay auntie.” You’re unable to control the slight tremble in your voice from the pet names she’s used and on making her call you auntie. You’re even surprised that she even apologized for not being able to make it on time. Hoseok ends the call soon afterwards. “Come on, I’ll treat you to my favorite frozen yogurt.”

There’s a sudden increase of mall-goers so Hoseok’s hand reaches out to grab yours, another wave of electricity shoots up your arm. Jesus. You’re pretty sure you’re old enough to not lose him in a crowd like this, so all this hand holding isn’t exactly necessary. Not that you were complaining though. You just hope, this time, you’re reading the signs right. The last time this happened, you ended up heartbroken and friendless, and you weren’t willing to go through the same pain again – not with Hoseok who’s genuinely nice and smart, and all the good things you can think of.

You cling onto his hand nonetheless, the crowd increasing because of lunch time. On the bright side, with your heartrate rapidly increasing, you get to miss out on cardio.

Arriving at a small outlet with ‘Sour Sally’ written on top of the shop, Hoseok pulls out a chair for you to sit on while he ponders on the menu plastered on the wall. What in god’s name have you done in your past life for him to torture your poor heart like this. You gaze at Hoseok, he seems unperturbed by his actions while you on the other hand… you internally applaud yourself for maintaining such calm demeanor but in reality, there’s a raging turmoil of emotions inside your head.

Following where his eyes are glued at on the wall, you try to distract yourself from the dangers of a brooding crush. God, you can’t possibly like like him because he opened the door for you, or pull out a chair for you, right? Were you really this…deprived? Just thinking about it gives you a headache. But then again, Hoseok is everything every woman could ever ask for. He’s polite, funny, courteous, smart, and he absolutely adores his family. Admittedly, he’s fucking wealthy too on top of all that but you don’t stick around him because of his money. Then again, it’s the 21st century and life isn’t getting any easier. In case you have a family in the future, it would be nice to know you’re children will be secured for quite some time. Wait, why are you thinking about families in the first place??

You barely notice Hoseok waving a hand in front of you. “Hello? Earth to ______?” he chuckles, his brackets shining under the lighting. “Oh yeah sorry!” you squeak. “You’ve been spacing out since morning, you sure you’re okay?” He bends forward a little, your faces merely inches away from each other. “You know you can talk to me right?” Searching for any doubt in your eyes, he tucks a stray strand of your hair behind your ear.

Fucking hell.

Does he even realize what he’s doing to you?! Your cheeks are practically on fire right now. You’re falling way too deep at an alarming pace. “You know you can talk to me right?” His words echo in your presently empty brain now, unable to think about anything rational. How are you supposed to talk to him when it’s him you want to talk about?

“Do you want anything from the menu? I’d personally recommend my own usual, but I’m really not sure about your froyo preferences…”

“Um don’t they have anything smaller than these?” you ask, pointing to the cups display for size references. “Nope, none really. I guess we can share if you don’t mind, I’ll just get one of the bigger sizes…”

“Good enough for me.”

“You have any particular flavor or topping in mind?”

“I really haven’t been to this place. So I guess I’ll have what you have.” You reach for your purse, grabbing cash amounting to half of the frozen yogurt. “What are you doing?” Hoseok points to the bills you’re holding. “Um, paying for my half?” The boy in front of you shakes his head in refusal, pushing the money towards you.

“It’s on me, _______. No more arguments. Consider this a da-“ Hoseok chokes on his own saliva purposefully, unableto finish his sentence. “A-a day in your cycle right? Don’t girls usually eat ice cream when its that time of the month? I mean this isn’t exactly ice cream, but it’s still frozen right? Ha ha ha. Okay, I’ll just place an order now.” He turns around abruptly, feet quickly moving towards the counter.

Rendered speechless, you just nod in reply. Seconds after he left, you’re still nodding thinking about what just transpired moments ago. He couldn’t have meant it as a date, did he? He did point out about Aunt Flo making a visit today. Perhaps, he meant dare? Who knows if he had been dared to treat someone out? You know you’re blindly grasping at straws here so you just try to divert your attention, and of course, you fail miserably at that as well.

Hoseok takes his wallet from his back pocket and hands a black card to the register. With a few nods, the staff swipes the card through the payment terminal and hands it back to Hoseok. ‘Sugar daddy Hoseok. What a fucking sight.’ Your shoulder devil whispers, drawling out every syllable like her final words. She has your shoulder angel in a headlock, arms flapping around attempting to remove the vice-like grip on her neck.

Thankfully, you manage to get ahold of yourself before Hoseok returns with a large cup with two spoons on either side. “This is the best froyo ever!!” He exclaims, buzzing with excitement. You oblige when he tells you to take the first scoop. You’ve only had the dessert once before this and after that incident, you were totally unwilling to have it for a second time. The first froyo you had was so bad which pretty much clouded over any positive review the dessert had.

Surprisingly enough, Sour Sally’s wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Sure, it looked unappealing at first with the amount of toppings Hoseok included but you reckon it wasn’t so bad after all, plus it looked like a healthier option than ice cream. Hoseok chuckles at your sudden interest and takes his phone out, pretending to respond to someone’s message but he quickly presses on the camera button, snapping a photo of you enjoying the frozen dessert.

He smiles when he goes over the photo, saving it as his home wallpaper.

;

Once you finish the final scoop of the yogurt, Hoseok asks if you can both visit a store he’s been meaning to drop by. There’s really nothing else you wanted to do anyways so you say ‘yes’, resulting to Hoseok excitedly clapping as you exit Sour Sally’s.

You both walk towards the opposite end of the mall, the area prominently less crowded than where you came from. You don’t wonder why. You just passed by Gucci, Versace, and Louis Vuitton on your way and now you’re greeted by Hermes, Alexander McQueen, and Balenciaga when you rounded the corner. You’re not even surprised at this point. In fact, when he told you that he wanted to shop for new shoes, you had already expected this was where you were heading when he made you wear a full Chanel two-piece ensemble that his sister “barely” wears.

Hoseok makes a beeline to Balenciaga. Of course - the boy was basically its brand ambassador. When you enter, some of the staff greet him by his name. “Mr. Hoseok, welcome back!” They astonishingly greet you with the same level of enthusiasm with Hoseok. You figure it’s probably courtesy of Hoseok’s fashion choices. He tells you to look around while he approaches someone who looks like the store manager.

The manager and Hoseok already seem to share the same brainwave and without talking, the former leads to Hoseok to a corner where the sneakers are displayed. Realizing you were probably looked awkward, standing stiffly by a display, you let your feet move you around, stopping to look at a few hung clothes.

While carding through the clothes, you discreetly check the price tags, your stomach dropping every time. 1,500 dollars for a bloody jacket?! They had gold sewn into the denim perhaps? Or diamond - encrusted collars? A girl’s voice startles you from your supposedly ‘discreet’ inspection. “Can I help you with anything, miss?”

“Oh, I’m just looking. It’s my friend who’s doing the shopping.”

“Oh, okay. By the way, I’m not sure if I should be doing this, but you seem so nice and approachable compared to the other girls that usually visit our shop… I really like your outfit and I think you and Mr. Hoseok look really cute together,” she squeaks before walking away to tidy a few displays. When she meets your eyes again, you send her a small smile and you see a faint blush coloring her cheeks.

You hear Hoseok call you over, colossal shoes occupying both his hands. “Which colorway should I pick?” You do a double take at the pairs he’s holding up. They honestly looked like a stack of pancakes that toppled over. Undoubtedly, they definitely looked striking, like a rebellious fashion statement. He holds up his left hands, clutching onto a brown pair with shades of blue and red and his other hand holding another with hues of green and white.

Choosing the one on his left hand, Hoseok nods in agreement mumbling something about how great minds think alike. He tells the manager to get him one in his size. The manager complies and, in the meantime, Hoseok brings you to a display near the one you were checking out earlier. He asks you to help him pick out an outfit to go with the shoes. It doesn’t take much for Hoseok to decide on choosing the clothes. You tell him your honest opinion that he would literally look good in anything, resulting in a rosy-cheeked Hoseok heading to the register to check out his items.

Soon after Hoseok collects his purchases, his phone dings, so he puts down the three bags before fishing his phone out of his pocket. “Mom says she’ll be there in five. Shall we?”

Three floors and a long walk back to another of the mall’s annexes later, you finally arrive at Samwon Garden. “Hi. We have a reservation under Hoseok Jung.” The maître d goes over the list, brows soon furrowing in confusion. “I’m really sorry Sir, but the table reserved for you had been given to another customer an hour ago. We only allow an extra of fifteen minutes when your name gets called. If you’d like, I can write your name on the list again, but that would probably take another thirty minutes before you get seated.”

“Oh, really? I guess…”

“Mr. Hoseok!” A man in a suit approaches you with hurried steps. “Mr. Hoseok,” he repeats with a breathy laugh. “I truly apologize for that. Please come with me, your private room is ready.” The man lets you take a few steps forward as he momentarily stays with the maître d. “That’s not how you treat the nephew of the owner of this restaurant, unless you want to lose your job today.” He whispers harshly, and your eyes widen. You’re unsure if Hoseok heard that but he seems too preoccupied with the other staff that welcome him to the restaurant.

The manager rushes forward after scolding the maître d. He offers to carry Hoseok’s shopping bags and leads you two to a secluded area. “Your food is already being prepared Sir,” he bows, setting the bags down and pulling out the chairs. “Is there anything I can get you miss?”

“A glass of water would be nice, please.” “Of course, Ma’am. Would you please excuse me.”

Hoseok’s mother arrive a few minutes later. Once again, she apologizes for making you wait. The three of you don’t waste any more time, going straight to eating. “I love your outfit, dearie,” Mrs. Jung compliments, flipping the searing meat on the grill. “Um Hobi actually made me wear this.” Confused, she looks at her son for an explanation. “She uhh…Her um…she had to change, lady problems…” Her mouth forms an ‘o’ in realization, thankfully picking up quickly. “Are you okay sweetheart? Do you take painkillers? They have great ice cream here; I’ll have it served for dessert later.”

She bombards you with questions that you don’t get the chance to answer all of them. You assure her though that you’re fine, that Hoseok has helped you plenty earlier this morning. She beams at her son, even teasing him that he’ll be the best boyfriend any girl could ever wish for. Hoseok turns crimson at his mom’s teasing, stealing the slice of meat she’s been cooking as revenge.

The three of you continue eating and sharing stories like that for almost an hour. For the most part, she’s mainly told you of Hoseok’s most embarrassing moments, sharing at least ten years’ worth of blackmail content. Hoseok, who’s sat beside you the whole time continues to crumble in his seat with every story. Your stomach was aching so much, both from laughing and eating. After the ice cream dessert Mrs. Jung promised you, she calls for the bill. Trying to stop your eyes from bulging out of their sockets, you look away from the receipt – 400 dollars staring back at you in big, bold numbers on the narrow sheet of paper. You wanted to cry.

Mrs. Jung says she doesn’t intend to stay any longer for she has another meeting to attend to today so she leaves you both with a kiss on the cheek and a reminder to drive back home safely. “Shit, I think I ate too much!” Hoseok sighs, rubbing at his tummy and letting out a loud burp in the process. Both of you stare at each other for a second before bursting into peals of laughter.

Yours seem to die down far longer than Hoseok’s and he takes the time to truly take youin today. He was nervous for the most part, that he had to admit. He tossed and turned in his bed last night, seemingly unable to sleep when the thought of you coming over has preoccupied his mind. He’s even tried drinking two glasses of warm milk, read a chapter from his history book, and in complete desperation, he’s even counted sheep, literally. It doesn’t help either that he woke up incredibly early today, only acquiring three hours of sleep the previous night.

He’s cleaned his room when he came home from practice yesterday and he’s cleaned it again this morning, not that his room needed cleaning anyways. He also asked his mom if she could help him cook breakfast this morning to which she happily agreed. So, the whole ‘homesick’ thing was only half a lie. Well, it was because she was homesick that she made way too much, but the idea was initially Hoseok’s.

He wasn’t supposed to drag you to breakfast that morning but the treacherous grumble of your stomach told him you were still hungry so he held your hand and showed you around the kitchen, asking you what kind of breakfast you’d prefer. Hoseok particularly enjoyed having your hand in his and he knew he was talking too much earlier that day but he had to divert his attention to prevent his hand from trembling.

When he heard you sniffle in the toilet earlier, he panicked; worried that something might have happened to you out of the blue. You wouldn’t take your eyes off the floor from embarrassment and he couldn’t help but wrap his arms around yours. It wrenched his heart to see you sob like that, so he just kept you close until you finally told him your dilemma.  

He totally understood that it was a natural occurrence for girls and even reassured you that it was totally nothing to be embarrassed about. He didn’t ask you for any word after that, immediately sending one of their house helpers to help you out. He didn’t have the guts to go through his sister’s toiletries so he left that dilemma with someone who could handle the situation better aka Tita. He did pick out an outfit for you to wear though, going through endless hangers of Dawon’s clothes.

Picking something comfortable and warm, he pulls out this Chanel turquoise wool tweed two-piece and a white top to go under the blazer. ‘This’ll probably look cute on her,’ he thinks, carrying the set to Dawon’s beloved vanity mirror and spraying an adequate amount of her Estee Lauder perfume all over the clothes. When he grabbed the ensemble, he was thinking something along the lines of a fluffy-cute-girlfriend style going on but when you came out of the bathroom, he found it impossible to take his eyes off you.

Turns out, the white top he gave you was a crop top, the garment exposing a little bit of your midriff. And those shorts! Jesus! He’d taken a mental note to spoil you with Chanel if…when you become his. He’s already seen you in shorts during practice before but he really didn’t have time to appreciate the beauty of it all. Your skin contrasts beautifully against the bluish-green wool, and it’s hem is enough to display your toned thighs and calves in all its glory. Years of tennis had definitely done you well.

He turns away, internally scolding himself for his behavior. He feels sick for having perved on you like that, pushing away all the indecent thoughts before they consume him whole.

His heart was soaring the whole time you sat next to him inside the car, the whole scene making him giddy. You were quiet at first, Hoseok being able to steal glances during red lights. Moments later, when Celine Dion came in the radio you were belting out the lyrics to “My Heart Will Go On” with notes he’s never heard before. The boy even pulled over just to capture this iconic moment with his phone, not long before you goad him to join you as you both scream like lunatics inside the vehicle. His voice teacher will be disappointed, surely, but it all worth it just to see you this happy.

Hoseok knew he was falling in deep. Being with you just felt…right. Even with you doing the most mundane of tasks, he found you incredibly endearing. It was driving him close to madness. He wanted to ask you to be his, to make him the happiest guy on earth, for the rest of his life. Most times it felt like he was crazy for thinking about this while you both still had a life ahead of you - that it was too serious to think about for a teenager, but then he ponders on his cousin’s wise words. “What’s the point of being in a relationship if it’s not going to end in a wedding?”

“What are you thinking about Hobi?” you question, putting him out of his thoughts.

It was your turn to ask him this time as you can’t tell why been staring at you for the past minute. “Nothing,” he chuckles, scratching the back of his head. “Ah! Which reminds me, wanna check out the new laser tag place they opened last week?” You’re unsure about this, after having eaten like a starved caveman, but with Hobi looking at you with a pout, you can’t say no.

“Come on,” you give in. “We gotta burn everything we ate for lunch!”

[spiderrrling]

Alright then, you asked for it. For the personal asks 4-73 😌

aight but you gotta read them all 

4: What do you think about most?

sadly, school

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

fab texted me “you should never trust teenagers” 

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

i sleep in a t-shirt and underwear 

7: What’s your strangest talent?

my hyperflexible joints

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are amazing, boys are amazing sometimes

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

no and i hope it will never happen

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

air drums is my preferred method of air instruments and just earlier today

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

needles, cant do them at all i will physically hurt you if you try

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

i mean i did a covid test does that count? i shoved a perler bead up my nose when i was 4 

13: What’s your religion?

i am atheist 

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking or maybe camping i love me a good camping trip

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behindddd i am very awkward in photos

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

at the moment, all time low

17: What was the last lie you told?

i told my mom i studied for this test that i havent studied for 

18: Do you believe in karma?

fairly yeah

19: What does your URL mean?

this one is nothing special, just the spiderrrling 

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

i actually dont know, ive been told im very emotionally strong due to what would probably be my greatest weakness, my chronic pain

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

idk if you could guess but its tom holland

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

no not really

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write or i text friends or i rant here on tumblrdotcom

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

books, i have a lot of books

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

depends on the person im talking with

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

yeah mostly

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hospital beeping sounds, cant stand them. i love the sound of rain

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

i didnt quit gymnastics

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

i mean technically we are aliens, there is no way we are alone in the universe 

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

my right, my wall

my left, nothing

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

smells like rain bc my window is open and it just rained

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

idk maybe a place in denmark?

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

never been to the us

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

alex garskath

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

42

36: Define Art.

art is anything if  you ask me 

37: Do you believe in luck?

sometimes

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it just rained but its gonna rain more

39: What time is it?

10.27 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

no i dont drive

41: What was the last book you read?

i just finished volume 3 of heartstopper and currently reading northern lights 

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

honestly yeah

43: Do you have any nicknames?

i do! for those who dont know im fox, ive gone by fox for many years and i respond to it like its my name

44: What was the last film you saw?

i rewatched howls moving caslte

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

my knee is really bad from gymnastics

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

yes!

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

yes multiple, UCLA gymnastics, generally gymnastics, plague doctors, books, percy jackson

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

i am a raging bisexal

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

id like to not get into this just bc it happened very recently

50: Do you believe in magic?

yeah 

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

depends on what they did

52: What is your astrological sign?

i am a scorpio

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i save money but i also spend it

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

i bought 58 books on a discount book store

55: Love or lust?

love

56: In a relationship?

sadly i am very single

57: How many relationships have you had?

one

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

no

59: Where were you yesterday?

at school then at home studying

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

probably but my room is dark rn

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

not wearing socks rn but i only own black socks anyway

62: What’s your favourite animal?

foxes or penguins or polar bears, i like most animals to be honest

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

just be nice and be able to deal with my ranting 

64: Where is your best friend?

way too far from me in norway

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

@uglypastels @hey-its-grey @wvllywest @hauntedtom @anxieteandbiscuits

66: What is your heritage?

norwegain/swedish

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, i need my sleep

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

i think thats his first name

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

who hasnt

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

i mean i bake, cook and give great hugs

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

i have too much anxiety to be late

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a. i tell those i care about 

b. live my life to the fullest

c. i already have what? 4 chronic conditions?

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust is its own kind of love in my opinion

there u happy now z? now its your turn

[raccoonhearteyes]

Alright so I'm gonna try this long ass post again I guess maybe I'll break it up into two parts. It's pretty much relationship advice and its sorta similar to your relationship anons issues but not quiet fully to that extent? So anyway my gf and I have been together for about 5 years living together for about 3? It started out as an ldr and it was good and fun and I enjoyed going to visit her and she enjoyed visiting me and it was great. The texting was great. I realized about 5ish months ago I'm over her? The thing that'll make it insanely hard is that we work together. Not really in the same department but we essentially do work together. Same schedule and yeah. Theres still occasionally sex involved but its sooooo infrequent that I dont really have much of a sex drive anymore. So during our ldr most of our little arguements consisted of her getting upset over things and not really wanting to talk which I'm fine with but she never actually outright would say "hey I'm upset can you give me space?" It would just be her straight up ignoring me like no responses for days or anything I would literally have to force her to answer me by either sending her the same text a few times until I got some sort of simple 1 worded answer or in real life I'd go "is that okay babe?" 3 or 4 times until she said something. I'm a talker though if I have an issue I'll talk about it to someone or talk to the person I have the issue with. Recently I've been noticing shes kinda looks down on me and my issues? (Yeah I know I'm joining the club) like so recently I had a project I was working on at work and I could do it myself but a coworker wanted in on it because its something hes good at. I declined said thanks but I can handle it plus I'll finish it faster. He didnt like the answer and went to our boss and our boss put him on the project with me. I have a generally good work relationship with this guy so I was gonna talk to him but I talked to my gf about it first and she literally said "that's your problem you should learn to deal with it" like my plan was to talk to the dude first then go to our boss about it if it didnt really get resolved but okay. A lot of times when she gets upset at things she'll pick at something I do? Like if i put a water bottle on the kitchen counter she'll literally get upset that it's in her way. Also I cant stand doors being slammed shut from childhood trauma and she knows this and she'll purposely do it when shes mad at me but most of the time when shes mad st me its over me forgetting to put my water bottle in the fridge or something. 1/2

So anyway she'll get to the point where she straight up wont talk to me for days because she gets mad at me for whatever. Like today on the way home we were arguing over a former coworker who worked in my department like his office was literally right next to mine. She spoke to him maybe 5 or 6 times? He was a body builder but she kept saying he wasnt but he would always talk to me about it so I just kelt saying he was and to ask whoever she wants to if he was ir wasnt. She kinda just stopped talking to me after that and hasnt spoken to me the rest of the day? Because of a guy who left our place to go some where else? Like what? So before covid hit I was taking kick boxing classes and it kinda helped with my frustration of dealing with her in a sense but since I can't now I'm pretty much back to what we were doing? Like I cant talk to her about why this is bothering her so much because she literally wont talk to me? We really dont have many friends in common besides one or two of them and any time I talk to some about it they just tell me to talk to her. Like I've tried a lot but any time I do she just ignores me and shrugs me off. Or if I have another issue I've been trying to deal with I just get told I'm being annoying and I'm not listening to her or her suggestions when most of the time she never suggested anything and just immediately went to "you're being really annoying right now" but anytime shes dealing with shit I'm expected to be focused on her all the time? Like I constantly get interrupted when I'm trying to talk about something so she can talk about herself or so she can say "I cant believe so and so did this" and it's never relevant to what I was just talking about? Like I feel bad because she moved really far to live here and we have plans to move to another state but I'm not sure I want to with her and i cant really afford my own place and neither can she. But when shes finally over being mad she acts like nothing ever happened and if I'm still upset about it she tells.me to get over it and stop being so sensitive? I dont know I just know she moved far to be here and I helped her get the job she has and everything so idk 2/2

------------------------------------

Anyone who ghosts and stops talking to you for a few days because of a silly argument is not worth dating. It is one thing to be upset and need some time away from the person, but to spend days not talking and then never addressing it is bullshit. I have wasted time on those people and all it does is make you walk on eggshells trying not to piss them off, but you never succeed. They need to learn to communicate like an adult. Bottom line.

[midoriyaizukustan-inactive]

*clears throat* *pulls up powerpoint* *shuffles speaker notes*

okay kids strap in this is gonna be long probably. im gonna add a read more so hopefully that works, otherwise i am,,so sorry,,

w that lets begin

so. lets start w the basics

season 1: didnt like him. really didnt like him. i have Issues w suicide as a topic in general so when he baited midoriya he lost any fondness i couldve had towards him. then his actions durnig the battle training? hes a fcukin maniac. but i enjoyed learning more abt him as a character so whatever. i thought his confrontation w midoriya in the aftermath of that was,,interesting

season 2: still dont like him, but his eventual coming arnd during the final exam made me more open to him. also sports festival was,,,interesting, ig. i thought it was interesting how he wouldnt accept the win; if he was the same character he was in season 1, he wouldve taken it, i feel like. but he didnt. so hey, growth smwh

season 3: i thought i didnt like him, but then he got kidnapped and i got a case of the shakes(tm) until he was rescued. i rlly vibed w midoriya screaming and crying while he was kidnapped. cut to the provis license exam:

(excuse my crying abt aoyama lmao)(and also the fact that i used to call bakugou “bakugon” yes i know thats not his name yes i did that bc i didnt like him and i think im funny as shit). then,,,the scene. kacchan v. deku 2. uhh i was vibing w him honestly. hes a mood,,,regrettably,,,until he beat midoriya at least

season 4 (so far): pls stop yelling, regrettably relatable gremlin

now lets dive into what all that means huh

i dislike bakugou for the following reasons.

- suicide-baited midoriya. not only that, but he tormented him for years simply because he couldn’t get over his own private feelings; midoriya did nothing to deserve his scorn. literally nothing.

- beyond even that, is still a prick to most everyone he meets; he’s short and irritated and won’t give anyone the benefit of the doubt (at least not as first). 

- even now, he still has issues giving respect or even just being decent to both people he knows and people he doesn’t.

- speaking of, he has never ever apologized for his previous actions. not even after he finds out he’s wrong (like when midoriya tells him he never, ever, looked down on him). he hasnt even really apologized via action rather than words if you wanna try that route with me. he might be better than he was, but he refuses to acknowledge that he was ever wrong in the first place and thats not functional

- hes so focused on “winning” as a concept. it doesnt matter if youre supposed to be an ally to him; if he perceives you as being in his way, he’ll do his damnedest to fucking destroy you. he has few genuinely heroic qualities (not to say he has few good qualities, just few heroic ones); hes just strong and determined, but he’s a case study of how those qualities can be twisted as all fucking hell

- hes so proud. he is s o fucking proud. he has such an issue with pride that i cant fucking handle it sometimes man

i like bakugou for the following reasons.

- he has grown. he might not have said anything to anyone about it, but he has grown as a person since the series started

- he does have morals and he sticks to them. they might be basic things such as “dont be a villain” but theyre. something and he stands by them. hes not a slimy snake is what im saying

- hes funny. when he isnt actively bringing others down, i actually enjoy the screentime he has, bc its really funny, esp when he’s interacting w his friends and theyre having visible fun messing arnd w him

- this particular reason is hard to phrase so let me just. try and word vomit it correctly. i didnt expect him to be capable of blaming himself for smth like all might’s retirement. but he was and i,,,it adds layers to his character that i appreciate a lot. so its not that i like that he feels guilty abt it, but what it means for his character

- his interactions with kirishima. its proof that he’s learning how to be better, slowly but surely, and how to care about others properly. its sweet, genuinely and wholeheartedly

- hes not always rewarded by the narrative, and that makes him much more human to me, which i really appreciate. the biggest example i can think of is that he didn’t pass his provisional license exam on the first try. i think he’s gonna have a low point eventually, but hopefully, from there, he tries to build his way out into a better life as a better person

yeah

its just...very complex. he reminds me of myself, or at least a person i used to be. he actually reminds me of a couple combinations of ppl i used to be; just like bakugou, ive had smth similar to both a superiority and an inferiority complex in the past so its djkfjkdjnk,,,regrettably relateable,,,,,,not at the same time like he does but yknow the feeligns and how they clash are still there

but yeah. its bc he reminds me of myself i both hate him and like him.

like he reminds me of aspects abt myself i h a t e. i have issues w pride, i used to be a huge jerk (not to the degree he was, thank god, but i have a conscious now so when im reminded of how i used to be in like elementary school, i feel ashamed and since bakugou hasnt fucking,,,acknowledged,,the abuse he put midoriya through yet,,i get angry with him)

and the one guilt episode we saw him have reminded me of a very dark time in my life (2016) and its just. oh no. so thats where the anger fizzles out because i cant hate that more than i just feel pity abt it

in contrast, its bc he reminds me of things i hate abt myself that i have high hopes for him. i crawled out of the hole i was in; i made it through the stages of being a prick and then being thrust into a guilt-induced depression. im certainly not a good person, but im much better than i was

so just,,im already proof that ppl can change, but,,,,if i had a character to cling to when doubt came creeping in, i think that wouldve be great. i know im not the only one that feels like this. if bakugou can make the right turnaround, i think he could mean a lot to a bunch of people, me included

obviously the turnaround would have to be done right (and he better fucking beg for midoriya’s forgiveness) but i have hope that it can be

he has a long way to go, both in action and in word. but i am hopeful for his development. he reminds me of many things i hate about myself, but also to push on despite those things. my feelings about him are complicated due to that

yea. heres my book report sir djknkjnsknfjkn

[angrylizardjacket]

and then there was light [4] {Roger Taylor}

A/N: 5060 words. part 4? part 4. it’s a bit of a darker one and before you ask, there will be a part 5, you know i wouldn’t end it on a cliffhanger and do you dirty like that.

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3]

The moment Roger steps foot into the meeting about the design of the shows for the upcoming American legs of the ‘Night at the Opera’ world tour, he’s pretty sure he’s already mentally checked out. Freddie’s doing all the talking, to literally no-one’s surprise; the man has big ambitions for his own costumes, and knows the other guys will pipe up about their own needs when they get to meet with just the costume designer. John Reid brings up the technical requirements, Roger’s got the ‘galileo’s from Bohemian Rhapsody playing on repeat in his head as he stares into the middle distance, and it’s Deaky who sits forward.

“We’ve got a pretty solid idea for the lights; Freddie and I have been consulting with a designer in America; she’s freelance, used to work for EMI, she’s reliable.” He assures, and Roger’s thinking ‘hey that sounds familiar’ but Reid seems satisfied and they’re already moving on to the staging and sound equipment needed. 

Roger doesn’t connect the dots at first; it’s been almost four years since that fateful American tour, and they’ve had other tours come and go since, and as far as the others are concerned, they’re pretty sure he hasn’t spared you a thought since arriving home at the end of that tour. But he does, even if he doesn’t mean to.

The tour after you’d quit working for EMI, someone drops a parcan side of stage, and his heart is in his throat when he realises he was waiting to hear you yell ‘okay that one wasn’t my fault’ or something similar. All he hears is a faint apology, and a call from someone to get a broom. The scheduling’s different this time around, he can’t even have a cigarette in an empty theatre without some stagehand buzzing back and forth, or a band member trotting across the stage as they practice. It would be so much easier to lay on the stage if the rest of them were confined to one place while they played, like he was behind the drums. It’d be boring as shit, he would be the first to acknowledge that, but it would mean he would get stepped on less during lunch, and that’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make with the toe of Freddie’s shoe poking at his waist.

Nothing serious had come his way in that time, or rather, he’d never found anyone who could hold his attention for more than a week or two. People became dreadfully boring when all they wanted to do was faun over him and fuck him; not that it wasn’t fun at first, it was always fun at first, but there was a lack of variety, a sinking sensation that these people were more attracted to the idea of him that left a sour aftertaste.

But now he’s here, new company, new album, second leg of the new tour, new chance to sample all different women across this great nation. He’s already a little tipsy from his multiple jack and coke’s on the plane when they land, and he’s passed out on the tour bus before it even gets to the first tour stop. Once in Conneticut, he’s dragged from the bus, and informed that as soon as the tech crew had finished their meeting, they could start loading in their instruments. 

“How long have they been here?” Brian asks the stage hand, and the guy shrugs. 

“A couple of hours; the Floor Tech wanted the drum risers set up before she gave the brief.” He tells them as he lead the band in to the theatre, where most of the crew were milling about on stage. 

“She always did have a flare for the dramatic.” John says with a grin where his eyes were trained on the stage, and Freddie hums in agreement, which only serves to confuse Roger further until he sees an all too familiar figure climbing the drum risers with a clipboard in hand.

“Alright guys, can I have your attention, please?” Even after all these years, the sound of your voice hits Roger square in the chest. “I wanna make this as quick and painless as possible, so after today we can bump in and bump out without any hassles.” You addressed the crowd with an easy confidence from your place at the top of the drum risers, tapping your nails against the back of the clipboard in your hands, wearing the overalls he’d seen you in so many times before.

“You can call me Spotlight; I’m the Head Floor Tech for the tour, as well as lighting designer; those of you on my lighting team, you’ve got a copy of the lighting plan, and I’ll be talking to you about how we’re gonna run it after this. Next time, I’ll get some help from the stage hands to set up the drum risers, I had a few people help me today to get them set up early, but that’s just because I like being tall.” With a sharp grin you pause as a titter of laughter spreads around the group, “stage management team, you’re in charge of making sure side of stage is set up with anything the band needs, and that it’s clear of unnecessary clutter and people, and running cabling for the sound guys; they’ll tell you what they need.”

After a beat, you look around the gathered crowd, and nod firmly, a gesture which a few of them return.

“If you have any questions, remember; find your Light.” You point directly at yourself. “We break for lunch at one, but until then we’ve got a lot to get through; let’s get rockin’.” Grinning brightly, you hop down from the risers into the crowd of crew members, ushering a bunch, each holding a sheet of paper, off to the side, as the others scattered like cockroaches under light.

“What the fuck is she doing here?” Roger finally finds his voice where he’s still standing, a little dumbstruck, alone in the aisle of the theatre where the others had left him behind.

“Didn’t you hear her speech? Spotlight’s our lighting designer.” Freddie calls over his shoulder, eyes wide and innocent, as if he hadn’t set this all up without thinking to mention it to Roger.

“Our what now?” He splutters, jogging a little to catch up to the other band members as they made their way towards the stage. He’s not quite sure what he’s doing, or what will happen when he gets their; the last thing you’d said to him was that you were stupid to think he was above his reputation, while you were in tears, and then it had been three years of nothing. He’s not going to run, at least he’s pretty sure he’s not; he’s self aware enough to know he was in the wrong last time you spoke, that he was an asshole, but he’s not going to be a coward. Not again.

“That was quite the speech.” John waits patiently until the crew who made up the lighting team had dispersed before addressing the familiar face at the centre. You turn, eyes bright and smile brighter, casually making your way towards him and the rest of the band.

“Yeah, I really feel in my element, you know?” It’s with an easy familiarity that you pull John into a hug, giving him a firm squeeze. “Good to finally see you again.” And then you’re hugging Freddie, and then Brian, and you stop short in front of Roger. It’s a stalemate, neither one wanting to be the first to look away, but both unsure of what to do. In the end, you don’t even offer him a handshake, just nod, and you turn back to the others.

“How’s Pippin been?” Freddie asks, and you’re about to answer, but Roger cuts in.

“Hang on, can someone fill me in here? Lovely to see you, by the way, just a little confused as to how you got here.” He says, and you’re lost for words, just blinking rapidly, trying to process the whole situation.

“Did you not tell him I was working with you guys?” Your words come out incredulous as you turn your gaze upon John and Freddie, who seem just as bewildered as you.

“I thought he’d cotton on when I mentioned an American designer who used to work for EMI.” John mused, turning his gaze on Roger, who frowned, thinking back to the initial meeting he’d just mentioned.

“I did,” Brian piped up, before casting a smile at John and Freddie that was just a little bit confused, “though I wasn’t a part of this little setup.” He tried to reassure the drummer.

“In my defense,” Roger started, before his gaze dropped, “I wasn’t paying attention, design isn’t exactly my forte.” He admitted, and you had to shake your head at that, exasperated and already a exhausted.

“Pippin’s good.” You go back to John’s initial question. Pippin isn’t so much a person as it is a touring version of a Broadway musical that had opened a year ago, to great success.

It turns out a written letter of recommendation from both the lead singer, and bass player of Queen goes rather far in the industry. After taking some time for yourself, you call up EMI to beg them not to fire you, however it turns out you needn’t have; both John and Freddie had given glowing reports of your work ethic and skill, and the man on the other end of the line is just eager to know when you were next available. 

The moment you’re on site next, they tell you you’ve been promoted to Floor Tech; they hand you a roll of gaff tape and a drill and a whole new set of responsibilities, heaped onto your usual load. You don’t even remember who had been performing, the tour had only lasted a month, all you know is that they were calling you Spotlight from the moment you’d arrived; apparently it was what Freddie had called you, and John had to clarify.

John is the first to contact you again, through EMI of course, and he becomes something of a comfort when you consider taking your career beyond the company that kept you firmly in the one position on tour. Freddie calls you less often, and never about business; it’s John who gives you the courage to leave EMI, and he’s the one who helps set up as a freelance theatre and event crew member. 

People had been head hunting you from tour to tour, beyond even EMI, some smaller acts even giving you the full Lighting Designer role. They expect you to sit back, let a stage hand or an assistant to take care of it, but every time you watch someone else focus a spot, your fingers itch to be doing it yourself. Dedicated to a fault, Roger had once called you, you think about it every time you climb an unsteady ladder, and think perhaps that he’s right.

The moment Pippin announces it’s tour, and puts out calls for crew, you’re first in line for the job, putting your hat in the ring for lighting, but happy enough to take any crew role. Not that you don’t love working with bands, but there’s a certain finesse that comes with theatre lighting that you can’t get anywhere else in the world. After two years, and the support of both John and Freddie, you find yourself as the assistant Lighting Designer, as well as Head Floor Tech, and once you step foot onto the tour bus, everything else becomes history.

Speaking of history, later in the day, after the rest of the crew have broken for lunch, you’re wedged under the drum risers, running some cables, when you hear someone climb up them, taking a seat at the drums.

“If you play one beat-” You’re cut off by Roger’s yell of surprise, as he’s so startled he almost falls off his chair.

“Holy shit, who is that?” He’s breathing heavily, voice panicked, and for a moment you take pleasure imagining clutching his hand to his chest like a delicate, little grandmother.

“Take a wild stab in the dark,” you mutter, unwedging yourself from beneath the structure, raising an eyebrow as you look at him. Almost immediately he’s frowning, and you’re thrown back to the moment almost three years ago where you’d been here before, looking up at him from behind the drum risers after you’d changed out the light mid-show. Clearing your throat loudly, you break the moment, getting to your feet and making your way to the side of the stage.

“What are you doing here?” He calls, watching idly as you go about counting out fly lines until you get to the one you’d been looking for. You’d gotten here early to go through the fly-line procedure with the Duty Tech for the venue, and now you lowered the LX bar it was attached to with ease after making sure there was no-one in the way. Your focus made something in his chest tighten, and he feels like he’s being taken back in time; you’re beautiful when you work, passionate and skilled, meticulous, that hadn’t changed. Roger has to look away.

“My job,” and you just sound tired when you say it, already securing the meticulously placed lights onto the bar you’d just lowered, going along and fixing them to the metal in a neat line. An uncomfortable silence spreads between you, punctuated only by the scrape of metal against metal, and the rattle of the safety chains.

“What are you doing here?” You don’t even try to hide the snippiness from your voice, not even turning to look at his as the accusatory words hang in the air.

“I’m having a smoke in what I thought was going to be relative peace, it’s something I do, okay?” Voice defensive, you hear the rustle of cardboard and hear the click of a cigarette, your annoyance growing with each passing moment.

“No, it’s what I do. It’s what I did three years ago, you just started showing up. You stole my relative peace.” You snapped, turning to him, a blazing fury in your eyes at his words, before your lip curled in disgust, “And you don’t even do anything with it.” You scoffed, and he went quiet, sulking behind his drum kit. Sensing he wasn’t got to talk back you turn back to your work.

The moment you turn away, he sees the way you heave a sigh, angry tension draining from your shoulders, a little hunched as you concentrated. Your hands shake a little as you fiddle with the safety chains. There’s still that confidence there, the ease with which you moved about the stage, but unlike around other people, when it was just Roger - though he suspected you were pretending he wasn’t there - you just looked... weary.

After that first town, he keeps his distance for a few stops, though the other band members look to keep you company on occasion. But then... he’s there again. Quiet this time, he just watches where you hold yourself like royalty at the top of a rickety ladder, so sure of yourself. He’d forgotten the sight of you in your element, and it hits him like a truck.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” You snap when you chance a glance down and see his awestruck expression looking up at you. The shock comes when he actually looks abashed, averting his gaze, picking up his drumsticks and tapping out a rhythm that you’re pretty sure you recognise.

You’re both too stubborn to give the other one the peace of the theatre at lunch, however, while you’re content with stewing in silence as you worked, Roger, to no-one’s surprise, is not.

“How’ve you been?” He brings himself to ask. You stop where you’re replacing a gel on one of the drum riser lights, taking a long moment to consider your words carefully.

“Busy.” Tired. The subtext comes through loud and clear, despite your short answer, and once you’d finished with the light, you stand, before taking a moment to stretch your back out from behind hunched over.

“Working a lot?” I can tell. He answers after a long pause, almost sympathetic, and you know he’s not really responding to the words you’d said out loud.

“Yeah, non stop.” No subtext, just responding at face value, before your eyes up to the mostly finished rig. Afternoons were for last minute fixes and focusing, there wasn’t much left you could do, unless you were willing to ask for Roger’s help.

“When did your last thing end?” He asks, and you click your tongue as you turn on your heel, burned out gel in your hand, heading for a bin.

“Two days before this one.” You admitted. When you’re met with silence, you turn, and Roger’s frowning at you, almost disbelieving.

“You’re not still sleeping on the tour bus, are you?” He asks, and you roll your eyes before you tell him your accommodation is paid for this time around. You’re the first to leave, for the first time since everything had started, you leave halfway through to actually eat lunch, leaving Roger to himself.

When he’s drunk after the show, leaning against some local pub, with a girl leaning against him, heavy enough that the two of them would have tipped over if it wasn’t for the counter, he can’t get you out of his mind.

“I didn’t ruin her career.” His eyes go wide as the words, with something akin to revelation, escape him, and the girl makes a noise of confusion, her fingers ghosting over his chest, but he can’t even bring himself to enjoy it.

“I didn’t ruin her career!” He announces, excited and pleased in his inebriated state, sitting himself so forcefully on the arm of Freddie’s chair that he spills part of his drink. Freddie makes a noise of confusion, looking up at the blonde, and Roger gesticulates enough to spill more of his drink, ignoring Freddie’s yelp. “Spotlight! She said I’d ruined her career!” 

“When?” Freddie asks, just as John pops out from seemingly nowhere.

“Well you certainly didn’t help it. That was me.” Roger doesn’t care that John’s drunk, the way bassist says it, so serene and matter-of-fact, makes it sting just a little bit worse. His mood instantly flips.

“Can you piss off? Go be her best friend somewhere else.” Roger snapped, and he knew he’d regret being so sharp with John the following morning, but it seemed John himself knew that Roger was in a mood, and obligingly fucked off, seemingly not taking it to heart. “When we broke up, she accused me of ruining her career.” And he realises too late, when Freddie’s eyes go wide with realisation, that he’s said too much.

“Is this where you tell me exactly what went down between you two?” He asked, tapping Roger’s leg with excitement. The blonde, however, stood abruptly, glower on his face.

“No. Fuck off.” 

Roger spends almost fifteen minutes banging on the door of the tour bus before he remembers that you’re not in there, and falls into bed alone, fully clothed.

“The fuck did you say to Freddie last night?” The moment he steps foot onto the stage at lunch, you’re waiting for him, already livid. He’s tempted to turn and walk right back out the door. “Apparently he doesn’t know the real reason that I went home last ti- !” 

“Of course he doesn’t!” Roger snapped back, on the defensive without a moment’s hesitation. “It makes me look like a fucking wanker and he’d kick my ass; he adores you!” And that was enough to shock you into silence, grip loosening on the gaff tape in your hands. “They all do.” He said, and your expression turns unreadable.

“I know.” You finally said, a new, strange quality to your voice, it’s something akin to shock, but not quite, and Roger doesn’t know what to say next. “What about you?” You finally ask, voice a little defensive. It hurts to see you look at him with such a judgemental eye, though he’s well aware he deserves it.

“Doesn’t matter, does it? I could apologise a thousand times and you’d still be pissy.” He huffs, and you cross your arms, cocking your hip.

“At least once would be nice.” You level a cold glare at him and his gaze snaps back at yours, surprised. “You never once apologised, you know that?” And your voice is low, hurt and honest. “Are you even sorry for what happened?”

“It was three years ago-” He sighs, but you cut him off, shifting your weight to your other foot, swallowing thickly.

“So that’s a no. Glad to see where you stand.” And you turn to cross the stage to where you’ve already got the ladder set up, but he makes his way to you in three long strides, making to grab at your upper arm. The moment he does, however, you whirl around, slapping him, hard. “I told you to never fucking touch me; did you think I forgot?” And he sees why you were so eager to leave; there’s tears in your eyes, so close to breaking and streaming down your cheeks, your lip trembling. Something about your voice is so raw, it hurts worse than the slap.

“I am sorry.” And he sounds so fucking sincere, but you just glare at him, unashamed where the tears have begun to track down your cheeks. 

“You had your chance to say sorry; you had your chance to beg for forgiveness, but you told me I could leave; so I did, and so did your fucking opportunity.” But you can’t bring yourself to step back, frozen in place where he’s less than a foot away. Every fibre of your being is betraying you, wanting to be around him, close to him, after what he did.

“I’m sorry what happened between us;” his voice is so level, carefully controlled, you know he’s think hard about what he’s about to admit, “I fucked up, I know that; I’m sorry. It was three years ago but I’m still sorry. I’ve been sorry for a long time now.”

“Since it happened?” You asked, and he didn’t drop your gaze, answering without flinching or hesitation.

“Since I started worrying I’d lose you; I know what I’m like, I knew what I’d end up doing.” He admitted, and the words clearly didn’t have his intended impact as you stumble back, free hand clutching your chest.

“And yet you still-” And quietly, so quietly you’re not even sure he hears it, the words come out as more of a defeated whimper than anything else; “How could you not tell I was in love with you?” 

He’s in shock, and you barge past him, leaving as you can no longer contain your aching heart, and you head to the hotel you were staying at down the road, taking the rest of the lunch break to cry.

When you return, the rest of the crew has filtered in, Roger looks guilty, and Freddie and John look about ready to commit violent homicide, which was unsurprising for Freddie, but there was something comforting about Deaky wearing the expression too. In less than a week, the whole crew knows, and wherever you go, you feel yourself followed by pitying stares, which won’t go away, no matter how hard you throw yourself into your work.

“You’re working yourself into the ground.” Roger tells you a week later, watching the way your arms tremble as you focus a light, and it takes you a moment to blink blearily at him. “Don’t forget the security chain.” He adds, and you scowl, before looking at the light itself, and hurriedly affix the security chain to the rig. You insist that you’re fine, making your way down the ladder to scoop up another parcan, but you almost immediately drop it. 

“I just need some food.” You try to insist, your hands shaking as you leave the light where it is.

You don’t come out after shows, and it’s not gone unnoticed. The rest of the crew think you’re just dedicated, personable for the most part but prone to bouts of standoffishness.

“Oh you should have seen her on our first tour,” Freddie muses to an enraptured crowd at an afterparty, a few crew members listening with a bright-eyed attention, “that woman risked life and limb for our show.” And he sounds so proud when he says it, but something twists uncomfortably in Roger’s gut.

Cracks don’t show around other people, Roger’s noticed; you’re smile’s bright enough and your voice is loud enough that they don’t see the way your hands shake. Or how tired your eyes are. But then there are moments, you stand as if in the eye of the storm, gaff tape and drill in hand, watching as people follow your instructions without question, and you look up to see Roger tweaking his drums, and the two of you share a look. It’s a little indecipherable, he’s concerned and you’re just... tired. He wants to offer to help, but as soon as the moment arrives, it’s passed, and you’re off to the next task.

The air between the two of you has lost it’s angry tension; after saying your peace, after hearing his apology, there’s no fight left. Just a lingering disappointment, a quiet like the moment after a world-weary sigh. You don’t have to pretend around Roger, you both know he’d see through it if you’d tried.

“You should come get a drink after; you look like you need it.” Roger laughs, but there’s no humour in it. Without missing a beat, you decline, you don’t even bother coming up with an excuse. 

“I’m worried about you.” The tour is almost three weeks in, and you’re asleep against the proscenium arch when he walks in. You wake with a start at the sound of his voice, reaching out for the light you’d been fiddling with before you’d passed out. When you look to him with confusion, he repeats himself slowly. “I’m worried about you; are you sleeping okay?” 

“As if that’s any of your business.” You snapped back, and Roger kept quiet. It only takes him a day to figure out that sleep isn’t really a luxury you allowed yourself; you were the last out every night after bump out, sometimes staying until two in the morning, and from what the crew said, you were always the first up, running through check lists, accident reports, and going over anything that needed maintenance. 

When Freddie asks you to come out with them after a gig, you find it difficult to say no, he helped get you this job after all, but you’re there for barely half an hour before Roger sees you slip out the side door, drink untouched.

John asks if you’re okay one afternoon when you drop a stack of gel frames without warning, jumping almost a foot in the air and looking like you’re about to break into tears from shock, but seems content when you explain you’re just tired. Tired doesn’t even begin to cover how overworked you are.

The night you finally decide to relax a little, bump out having been miraculously fast, you’ve got the next day off. The others cheer you on as you down drink after drink, the alcohol hitting you hard and quickly, and the world gets blurry as you find yourself on the dance floor. It’s easy to drink too much, because for the first time in a long time, you’re relaxed, not worrying about the pretty, dickhead blonde who worries about you when he really shouldn’t. 

You’re drunk enough to admit to yourself that part of you likes the attention he’s giving you, it feels like vindication for the heartache you went through all those years ago. Part of it’s not even vindictive, part of you just likes the way he looks at you, the way his smile made your heart beat just a little faster; you call that part a fucking traitor and have another drink.

You don’t remember leaving the bar, but you come back to your body when you’re leaning against a streetlight for support, halfway through telling someone to fuck off.

“Ya’ not my caretaker, Roger,” you sneer, “you don’t need to look after me or whatever this is. Go help groupies home or to hotel or whatever.” You spit, and push off from the light, turning on your heel, almost topple over, and right yourself.

“Light, that’s the wrong way.” He calls, exasperated, and you turn again, this time actually crashing to the ground and grazing your hand on the way, before you get to your feet. He’s come over to try and help you, but you swat him away.

“You don’t get to call me that.” You stalk ahead of him in the direction he had come from, back toward the hotel, and he follows only a few steps behind.

“Fine, Y/N; you’re legless, let me help.” And after a moment of intense eye contact, in which you try to weigh up your options, you begrudgingly loop your arm through his.

“You’re still on my shit-list.” You inform him, and he hums in acknowledgement. “Why are you doing this?” You follow it up with.

“I’m not the asshole who fucked you over three years ago, and I’m not gonna let you get yourself killed for this show.” He said through gritted teeth, and you just smiled, a little dreamily.

“But what a way to go.” And he came to an abrupt stop. It took you a moment to realise, and looking back, you tugged on his arm to keep him moving. He just frowned at you, a little concerned. “Fuck, I didn’t mean it.”

“If I have to fire you to get you to take a break-” He threatened, and you scoffed, expression turning bitter.

“I’ll drop a light on you.”

“You’ll drop a light on me by accident before then anyways!” He crowed, and your expression fell, contemplative. “Just let me help; what do I have to do to make you actually rest? What do I have to do to prove myself?”

[fortunatelylori]

What prophecies do you think will play out on the show? What will be the outcome and which character will the prophecy be about?

Hey, nonnie!

Hmmm … very interesting question. And a multi-layered one. 

Of course the show will have to pay-off the prophecies it included from the books. Then there are prophecies that were not mentioned in the show but by the nature of revealing the endgame and by being ahead of the books, the show will either pay them off or at least give heavy hints for what they might be in the books. And then there are foreshadowing elements that aren’t really prophecies per se but serve a similar purpose in the narrative. 

So let’s get started. Warning: this will get long. 

Prophecies mentioned in the show

Azor Ahai

Melisandre: After the long summer, the darkness will fall heavy on the world. Stars will bleed. The cold breath of winter will freeze the seas and the Dead shall rise in the North. In the ancient books it’s written that a warrior shall draw a burning sword from the fire and that sword shall be Lightbringer. 

This is very much in play, having been mentioned as recently as season 7 and I believe that by the end of season 8 we will have a definitive answer as to who and what Azor Ahai is. 

I’ve talked about this before in this post. Here is an excerpt: 

I think it’s far more likely that Azor Ahai is not a hero. He’s a villain and the elemental opposite to the Night King.  R'hllor followers herald Azor Ahai’s second coming with such encouraging words as: “ he will bring an eternal summer” which sounds great if you worship fire but in reality an eternal summer is about as bad as an eternal winter. If the WWs unbalance the world by plunging it into night and winter, Azor Ahai is supposed not to bring balance back but to unbalance it in the opposite direction.

Considering the placement of Azor Ahai in complete opposition to the WW and the obsession with fire of the followers of R’hllor, I’d say that the best candidate for this position is one D*enerys Targareyen, which doesn’t sound surprising since many people theorize the same. The twist is that AA was never meant to be a hero but rather an antagonist. @trinuviel has a fantastic series regarding this topic and I would encourage you to read it. She goes into a lot more detail than I am able to provide.

One aspect of this prophecy that is not brought up in the show is Nissa Nissa: 

To fight the darkness, Azor Ahai needed to forge a hero’s sword. He labored for thirty days and thirty nights until it was done. However, when he went to temper it in water, the sword broke. He was not one to give up easily, so he started over.

The second time he took fifty days and fifty nights to make the sword, even better than the first. To temper it this time, he captured a lion and drove the sword into its heart, but once more the steel shattered.

The third time, with a heavy heart, for he knew beforehand what he must do to finish the blade, he worked for a hundred days and nights until it was finished. This time, he called for his wife, Nissa Nissa, and asked her to bare her breast. He drove his sword into her living heart, her soul combining with the steel of the sword, creating Lightbringer, the Red Sword of Heroes.

People have been speculating for years on who might be the Nissa Nissa in the story but because this isn’t mentioned in the show, I’m not really sure this will be paid off. However, considering Melisandre’s obsession with blood magic and human sacrifice, I think there’s a possibility that a candidate will arise. And in my opinion, that would probably be Mel herself. She foretold her own death in season 7 and because of the nature of her arc, the relation to fire, blood and magic I can see her as a willing human sacrifice for the glory of the prophesied hero. 

However, since I don’t think she is interpreting the prophecy of Azor Ahai correctly and that AA is probably not the person that will end the Long Night, I don’t think this human sacrifice in the form of Nissa Nissa 2.0 will have an effect or at least not the desired one. 

In the comments section of the post I linked above, @trinuviel brought forth the idea that the story of Nissa Nissa and Lightbringer is a metaphorical set of instructions on how to forge Valyrian steel. And I have to say that’s a very intriguing idea and one that sounds very plausible to me for several reasons: 

1. Valyrian steel swords are already magical swords and we know they are effective against the WWs. What could a burning sword do that these other swords can’t?

2. The Valyrians were known to practice blood magic and it’s theorized that’s where the source of most of their power came from, including their bond with dragons. 

3. GRRM has purposefully pointed to the mystery surrounding the forging of Valyrian steel in story several times. There must be a pretty big reason why he hasn’t revealed how these swords are forged. 

The Younger More Beautiful Queen

Maggy the Frog: Oh, yes! You’ll be queen … For a time. Then comes another. Younger. More beautiful. To cast you down and take all you hold dear. 

I believe the last time Cersei mentioned her encounter with Maggy the Frog was after Myrcella was killed. So this will be paid off in season 8.

I’ve made the argument in the past that Sansa is the younger, more beautiful queen that will cast Cersei down and take all that she holds dear: 

Sansa has been intimately involved in all of Cersei’s tragedies even though she is not directly responsible. She was the one that carried the poison that killed Jofferey, the war with her brother is the reason why Myrcella was sent to Dorne, Jofferey’s death leads to Tommen becoming king and eventually killing himself. And, by the end of this series, Sansa might end up as queen of the Seven Kingdoms effectively replacing Cersei.

It isn’t that Sansa is directly responsible for what happens to Cersei but that she ends up taking everything from her in a way that no one could have predicted unless you look back at the events. 

There is an aspect of this prophecy that isn’t mentioned but I think will be paid off as well: 

And when your tears have drowned you, the valonqar shall wrap his hands about your pale white throat and choke the life from you.

I honestly have no idea why they chose not to include this in the show since it’s part of the same conversation as the younger, more beautiful queen. They might bring it up in season 8 through another flash-back and I think that they should. Either way, I’m pretty sure we will find out who the valonqar is. 

I’ve made an argument for Jaime because I think it will be a fitting end to their story and because of what Cersei told Ned about her and Jaime back in season 1: 

Cersei: Jaime and I are more than brother and sister. We shared a womb. We came into this world together. We belong together. 

And by that logic … they will die together. Or at least one will be the end to the other. 

The Prince that was Promised

Melisandre: You should kneel before your brother. He’s the lord’s chosen. Born amidst salt and smoke. 

This is a dicey one because it’s only brought up by Mel as an interchangeable title for Azor Ahai. 

In the books, however, the PTWP is also brought up in relation to Rhaegar and his prophecy fulfilling quest. When D*ny visits the House of the Undying, she has a vision of her brother holding his infant son, Aegon, by Elia Martell and saying this: 

Rhaegar: Aegon. What better name for a king?

Elia: Will you make a song for him?

Rhaegar: He has a song. He is the prince that was promised, and his is the song of ice and fire.

From what we know at this time, Rhaegar never brings up the Azor Ahai prophecy and we don’t know that much about the PTWP. But I tend to think these two aren’t related. 

I believe the PTWP is Jon. His is the only story that is linked to both fire and ice. He is the literal product of the song of ice and fire (the son of a Targareyen and a Stark) and his story is connected to both ice and fire through out. He fights against Ice in the form of the White Walkers and he encounters both the false Azor Ahai (Stannis) and now D*ny, who is the person associated the most with fire in the series. If the Dance of Dragons 2.0 and dark D*ny theories become canon, his song of ice and fire would be his titular role in both these great wars that are about to visit Westeros. He also has “salt and smoke” imagery associated with his death (and subsequent resurrection). 

So I tend to see the PTWP and AA as actually being ultimate adversaries. 

What I’m doubting at the moment is whether or not the show will bother differentiating between these two. I do think that by confirming Dark D*ny and the Dance of Dragons 2.0, they will essentially pay off this prophecy but I’m not sure they’ll signal the distinction. 

That’s about it on the show-included prophecies, I think.

Prophecies not mentioned in the show

The Last Hero

Legends of the north state the last hero and his companions went in search of the children of the forest during the Long Night, thousands of years ago. The only survivor of the company after attacks from giants, wights, and Others, the last hero eventually reached the children and gained their assistance. The Night’s Watch then formed and won the Battle for the Dawn. This ended the generation-long winter and sent the Others into retreat, possibly to the Land of Always Winter. The fate of the last hero is unknown

One could make an argument that this is not a prophecy but rather a story but because the Battle for the Dawn 2.0 is fast approaching, this story/prophecy will most likely be paid off in season 8. 

If anyone is destined to be the hero to save the world from the Long Night that character is Bran Stark and his story is linked to the legend of the Last Hero, who is also identified as Bran the Builder. This connection is not fully established yet but I believe the characters of the Last Hero and Bran the Builder to be one and the same. 

Bran is the Three Eyed Raven, he’s traveled to the Lands of Always Winter and reached the children of the forest. That’s enough evidence for me to assume that his role in season 8 and the defeat of the WWs will pay off the Legend of the Last Hero. Incidentally, Bran the Builder is mentioned in relation to our Bran by Maester Luwin in season 1. 

We might also get a pay off for how the Wall and Winterfell were actually built although I do think part of this story will remain a mystery that will most likely be tackled in the Long Night prequel. 

D*ny’s prophecies in the House of the Undying

… mother of dragons, daughter of death …

… mother of dragons, slayer of lies …

… mother of dragons, bride of fire …

Essentially, I believe all of these will be paid off by the Dark D*ny reveal.

three fires must you light… one for life and one for death and one to love… three mounts must you ride… one to bed and one to dread and one to love… three treasons will you know… once for blood and once for gold and once for love… 

I think it was a huge mistake for the show not to include the 3 treasons prophecy in D*ny’s storyline, particularly since they included Cersei’s Younger More Beautiful Queen one. Because the three treasons prophecy works on D*ny’s psyche much in the same way it does on Cersei’s. 

They both become increasingly paranoid and obsessed with these ominous predictions and are actively on the look-out for potential candidates. 

However I think the pol!jon reveal will resolve the 3rd treason aspect of the prophecy as well as this: 

A blue flower growing from a chink in a wall of ice, filling the air with sweetness.

A great stone beast takes wing from a smoking tower, breathing shadows.

Between the parentage reveal and Political Jon, her lover turned nephew, Jon Snow, will turn from the flower that fills the air with sweetness into the great stone beast that will oppose her.

There’s also a case to be made that the three treasons are actually treasons D*ny commits against other people, as @thelawyerthatwaspromised has detailed on her blog. And by going to war with Jon and potentially turning her back on the fight with the WWs, D*ny would essentially become a betrayer. 

So either way, I think we’ll have a much clearer picture of these prophecies by the end of the show. 

The dragon must have three heads

This is the continuation of the Rhaegar vision D*ny sees in the House of the Undying. 

Rhaegar: He has a song. He is the prince that was promised, and his is the song of ice and fire. There must be one more. The dragon has three heads.

We don’t know much of anything about what this means or how Rhaegar thought it would link to the PTWP prophecy. I wouldn’t have included it, to be honest, if it wasn’t for the Crypts of Winterfell teaser and the staging of Jon/Arya/Sansa as a play on the original three heads of the dragon Aegon/Visenya/Rhaenys. In a previous post I said this: 

The “Dragon must have 3 heads” is generally considered the reason why Rhaegar started his relationship with Lyanna and the main reason why Jon was even born. Details on this prophecy are foggy but the theory goes that at some point Rhaegar became convinced that his three children would be instrumental in saving the world and because Elia Martell was unable to bare another child after her two pregnancies, he went after teenage Lyanna Stark, thus looking to fulfill yet another prophecy: that of the Prince that was Promised whose song is the song of ice and fire.

In trying to fulfill it, Rhaegar named his children after the 3 original Targs that conquered Westeros: Elia gave him an Aegon and a Rhaenys so he went in search of his Visenya. Clearly he failed, because instead of a girl, he got a boy.

However, as GRRM points out through out his story, prophecies are tricky and the more you go out of your way to fulfill them, the more blunders you’re bound to commit. That doesn’t mean there isn’t some value to it but it will most likely come to pass in a way that you did not expect.

It makes you wonder just what the “3 heads of the dragon” might actually be about. Everyone tends to think that this prophecy is linked to the war with the WWs. However, by introducing Sansa into the mix, it changes things a bit …

What if the “Dragon must have 3 heads” prophecy isn’t related to the War of the Dawn at all but rather to the Dance of Dragons 2.0? Because in that war, Sansa would truly be instrumental: by making Jon a Stark, because of her political expertise and her strategic connections all over Westeros. So instead of creating the ultimate Targ team to face off against the apocalypse, Rhaegar not only brought down his father’s dynasty and his own in Robert’s rebellion but also created the circumstances by which, years later, his son would face off against the last scion of House Targareyen and bring about the demise of all living dragons.

While this could simply remain something that will be inferred by the way season 8 plays out, I think there’s a case to be made that we will actually get more insight here via flash-backs of Rhaegar/Lyanna. 

I think it’s also possible that through these flashbacks we will find out more about the situation surrounding the abduction of Lyanna, more insight into the year they spent in the Tower of Joy and even perhaps the name that Rhaegar whispered as he lay dying on the Trident. 

The Lannister gold prophecy

The wealth of the westerlands was matched, in ancient times, with the hunger of the Freehold of Valyria for precious metals, yet there seems no evidence that the dragonlords ever made contact with the lords of the Rock, Casterly or Lannister. Septon Barth speculated on the matter, referring to a Valyrian text that has since been lost, suggesting that the Freehold’s sorcerers foretold that the gold of Casterly Rock would destroy them.

This is a very obscure prophecy and I haven’t seen many people discuss it. The few that I have seen talk about this link it to the Lannister’s long lost Valyrian steel sword, Brightroar. The Valyrians, fearing this prophecy Septon Barth mentions, always refused to sell the Lannisters a sword but they managed to get their hands on one by other means: 

Brightroar came into the possession of the Lannister kings in the century before the Doom of Valyria, and it is said that the weight of gold they paid for it would have been enough to raise an army.

So people speculate that it was the purchasing of this sword that lead up to the Doom of Valyria. However, I don’t really see this as a possibility because GRRM never really plays prophecies this straight. 

However, one thing we do know is going to happen in season 8 is that Cersei will be acquiring the Golden Company, whose banner is simple golden cloth. She will also be paying for it with what can be described as Lannister gold. 

Also since the show didn’t include the Young Griff story line, it’s not outside the realm of possibility that the GC is leaded by Jon Connington, one of Rhaegar’s best buddies and also the guy who was in love with him. 

So if let’s say the GC would decide to join Jon’s forces against D*ny during the Dance of Dragons, a case can be made that Lannister Gold did in fact bring about the ultimate doom of Valyria, by killing off its last real member and putting an end to the dragons. 

Then there are a few prophecies that I believe have already been paid off. 

The mummer’s dragon

A cloth dragon sways on poles amidst a cheering crowd.

By essentially removing the Young Griff from the story line completely, I think the show has revealed that this young man is not Aegon Targareyen but a pretender whose lie, and life, D*ny will slay in the books. 

The girl in grey prophecy

I have seen your sister in my fires, fleeing from this marriage they have made for her. Coming here, to you. A girl in grey on a dying horse, I have seen it plain as day. It has not happened yet, but it will.

I think everyone in the Jonsa fandom can agree that the girl in grey is in effect Sansa Stark and she will flee her marriage to Harry Hardyng and join Jon at the wall. 

The show had Sansa fleeing her marriage to Ramsay and reaching the wall where she was reunited with a recently resurrected Jon. She was also wearing grey which is I think the show’s way of linking back to this prophecy in the books. 

The Ghost of High Heart prophecies

In case anyone is not familiar with who the Ghost of High Heart is, she’s a dwarfish, albino woman who was reputed to be a woods witch in the Riverlands. Arya and the brotherhood without banners camp overnight at High Heart, to meet with the ghost to hear her tell the future, and to learn the whereabouts of Beric.

She accurately predicts a few things that have happened in both books and show. In addition, there are also these: 

I dreamt of a man without a face, waiting on a bridge that swayed and swung

In the books, this is Euron hiring a Faceless Man (and potentially paying for his services with a dragon egg) to kill his brother, Balon Greyjoy, the King of the Iron Islands. In the show Euron does the deed himself, on a bridge that swayed and swung. 

I dreamt of a maid at a feast with purple serpents in her hair, venom dripping from their fangs. And later I dreamt that maid again, slaying a savage giant in a castle built of snow.

This is generally believed to be about Sansa because of the poisoned hairnet she wears in her hair that eventually kills Jofferey. I’d argue that by ordering the death of Littlefinger in Winterfell (a castle in the North where there’s a lot of snow), the show has paid off the later part of this prophecy. 

She also says this directly to Arya: 

I see you. I see you, wolf child. Blood child. I thought it was the lord who smelled of death … You are cruel to come to my hill, cruel. I gorged on grief at Summerhall, I need none of yours. Begone from here, dark heart. Begone!

This could be nothing but the woman noticing Arya’s increasing violence and tendency towards killing but because she mentions Summerhall it’s speculated that she is referring to a future and particularly bloody event Arya will participate in. Assuming that, I would say the show has already paid that off when Arya killed off all the Freys in an act of mass murder. 

This is a bit dubious, though, because of the fact that Lady Stoneheart has been cut from the show. It’s likely that it will be LS that kills off the Freys in the books and the show simply gave that particular plot point to Arya. 

That doesn’t eliminate the possibility that the Ghost of High Heart is potentially referring to a future Summerhall-like event Arya will be involved in and if that is the case I fully expect the show to include it.  

And finally we have what are essentially sayings that are mentioned frequently in the show but because of their implications they act like prophecy in the sense that they foreshadow future events but not in a clear cut way. 

The Long Night

Melisandre: For the night is dark and full of terrors. 

This is pretty self-explanatory. We’ve been told that when the WWs first came 8000 years ago, they brought a night and a winter that lasted a generation. So the WWs are back at it and are going to bring darkness and terror. 

We should start preparing ourselves for at least 3 episodes of almost exclusive night time scenes. This is also supported by the actors saying that they had about 40 days worth of night time shootings which is an incredibly long time for that sort of thing. 

When a Targeryen is born, the Gods flip a coin

This is obviously a saying that came about in reference to the Targeryens being or going mad more often than not. 

However, at this point in the story, we have only two Targeryens left so the duality of a coin flip becomes foreshadowing for Jon and D*ny as foils. 

I wish you good fortunes in the wars to come

This has only been uttered in show by adversaries, first in the Stannis/Mance conversation prior to Mance being burned alive and then in the Ned/Arthur Dane flashback. The third instance is in the Jon/D*ny good-bye scene. I don’t know about anyone else but this indicated to me … Dance of Dragons 2.0. 

Sansa’s red comet prediction

The morning of King Joffrey’s name day dawned bright and windy, with the long tail of the great comet visible through the high scuttling clouds. Sansa was watching it from her tower window when Ser Arys Oakheart arrived to escort her down to the tourney grounds. “What do you think it means?” she asked him.

“Glory to your betrothed,” Ser Arys answered at once. “See how it flames across the sky today on His Grace’s name day, as if the gods themselves had raised a banner in his honor. The smallfolk have named it King Joffrey’s Comet.”

Doubtless that was what they told Joffrey; Sansa was not so sure. “I’ve heard servants calling it the Dragon’s Tail.”

“King Joffrey sits where Aegon the Dragon once sat, in the castle built by his son,” Ser Arys said. “He is the dragon’s heir - and crimson is the color of House Lannister, another sign. This comet is sent to herald Joffrey’s ascent to the throne, I have no doubt. It means that he will triumph over his enemies.”

Yeah, Jofferey wasn’t and he didn’t. If only there was a guy in this story who was the dragon’s heir and whose birth name the show incidentally spoiled as being Aegon. Glory to that guy! And to his queen! 

Suffice it to say I think we will get the pay off from this scene in the form of Jonsa. 

Just a small addendum before I finish: A Song of Ice and Fire is littered with prophecies, prophetic dreams, cryptic messages that can be interpreted to signal future events, etc. I probably missed a lot of them. So if there’s something you want to add here please do. 

Thanks for the ask, nonnie!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Hi!! So this is an honest question so i hope it doesnt come off as rude or anything- but doesn't the thought that everything you post here can be reblogged make you more reserved or anything? Idk how to explain it but whenever i wanna post something here i think about doing it for a super long time to be sure i want it to possibly be on the internet forever- but i see you're comfortable with sharing pretty personal stuff so i was just wondering if it affected you any way or maybe it was just me?

lmaooo it’s cool!!! there’s an unending AMA going on here and off the top of my head i can’t think of anything off-limits to ask about

it’s definitely not just you!! out of the ppl i know off the top of my head i’m probably really far and away doing the Most airing my bullshit. if you ultimately don’t like the idea of stuff just kinda sitting around to be seen by Anyone, that’s valid and there’s no problem with feeling like that makes you wanna Not Post some stuff

like this is especially true for young teens on the soche media…hell i just entirely threw out the blog i’d had from like 14 -18, and not because i was particularly embarrassed or anything, it just felt mostly obsolete. you can become someone so different in even one year and that’s fine and you might not want Old Venting and the like just sitting around out there. it’s definitely okay to be real private about that kinda stuff

i know sometimes ppl having sorta Compromises where maybe they’ll create a second blog / account specifically for talking abt personal stuff, and then only maybe allow friends (or nobody) to access it; or people will just tag everything with Delete Later and then go back and delete it later so it’s not out there forever, or just because they find it embarrassing soon afterwards lol

for my part, there’s definitely multiple reasons i pretty much don’t care

1. i never used to Vent post back in the early days. but one of my earliest examples maybe was this sudden essay i dumped on my blog when i was 16? 17? abt how unhappy i was at home. it took me till i was 18 to really start to realize that what i’d always lived with was literally abuse, and it was things like The Sudden Venting Essay that really helped me put it all into words and be able to organize my thoughts enough to write about it and realize that there was a lottttt of shit i was rly miserable about2. ever since then really i’ve found that when i write about something, whether messaging it to someone or just posting it in general, a ton of times it helps me kinda make connections or figure something out or just feel like i have a better grasp on an idea.3. even after i started maybe doing the occasional venting post, for a long time i was really hesitant about it, but this was mostly b/c i felt like i didn’t have ~real~ enough problems and/or nobody would really care. as for the former, well yesterday i was saying how i still have this underlying feeling that i’m an imposter / don’t count / not REALLY as ___ as other people or whatever, so i’m still working on that, but it definitely doesn’t upset me as much as it might back in the day. re: the latter—tbh i dont care if nobody cares. i write abt personal shit b/c i care. my entire blog is About and Because i care, and if other people care, great, if they don’t, ok.4. a lot of this is about having compassion for myself. i don’t look down on other people for making personal posts, so i don’t look down on myself, either. 5. more self-compassion: there’s probably olden text posts from the early days of this blog that don’t even sound like me coz my Outer Demeanor has changed a lot these past 5 or 2 or 1 yrs. but even if i stumbled across some Old Post of mine and was like “lmfao whats up w THIS loser” it’s like….well, i’m sympathetic to my Earlier Selves. this applies to like, me never deleting Late Night Sad Posts or whatever (even tho nowadays they’re never exactly like i’m upset, maybe just Melancholy or in a mood to talk abt something saddish) coz i’m like, well, even though rn i don’t feel like i Need this post, back then i did feel like venting to feel better! and that’s fine. i don’t find that embarrassing. it’s like if you’re thirsty on one day and you drink some water and at some random point during the next evening when you’re not thirsty you think back on that time you were drinking water and you’re like “wow, embarrassing.” well clearly its not a perfect analogy but the point is sometimes you might feel you need to talk, and sometimes you don’t, and both times are ok. its not an embarrassment to have been upset6. this blog is the most personal thing in the world for me lmao its my Main social media presence, goes back five yrs, and for like. well the whole five years its been what keeps me from being way more isolated than i am. irl friends have been long distance this whole time (save a couple exceptions) and mostly my way to talk to ppl has been on here. this was especially important when i was at my parents house for a couple yrs. it was fairly awful and being able to be in touch w ppl and being able to SAY it was awful was clearly important, and i became more inclined to write abt shit rather than hold myself back b/c my being able to say anything was important7. i still talk about things b/c being able to say anything here to people in the outside world is important8. i can’t be like “i cant talk abt this b/c its not important/interesting enough” coz if i did i wouldn’t talk abt anything. i just write b/c i have things to say, and this is my pointless blog9. i don’t expect i’ll ever become Well Known in any circles. for me the more likely concern is kinda disappearing either due to dying or incarceration or some other shit scenario. the times i talk on here are good b/c that hasnt happened yet and i have the option10. even if i did become well known, i don’t really care.11. also for uh…all the times i was living in my parents house thru my life i was really really isolated. for eons i was used to nobody knowing shit abt me and keeping p much all my thoughts to myself. nowadays this blog is what lets me be able to sorta Known and Seen and able to get in touch w ppl if we wanna. basically, there’s nothing TOO personal. i’m not even trying to push myself to “overshare” coz like i said, p much nothing is offlimits. i’ve just had a lifetimes worth of being very invisible and unknown to anyone12. actually i can still be very cagey abt myself in person. learning to be more open On Here is a bit helpful for that. 13. idk that anyone else would give a shit about old vent posts from me either. when i talk abt me im talking abt *me*, its really not even vaguely interesting when removed even one degree from that specific context. 14. maybe there’s the chance some shit will happen to be Relatable to other ppl and somehow helpful to them15. for example, a lot of how i realized i was actually experiencing abuse for real was thru anecdotal / qualitative posts abt it. sometimes there’s shit you think is Just You only b/c nobody else who it applies to is talking about it yknow16. maybe making it seem less a big deal to talk abt your bullshit if i unapologetically talk abt my bullshit17. i remember my younger self feeling like i didnt ~deserve~ to talk abt my own thoughts & feelings the way other ppl did coz mine weren’t as good, so i kinda do it for them / in celebration of no longer feeling that way18. i actually like to talk. i just usually can’t. irl i very very very very rarely talk at length about myself, i don’t talk much at all. for me this is where i get to talk19. hmm i may have skipped or forgotten something obvious but hey. for now, there’s this. no-limits milo they call me

[rationalthings]

Hey. Jordy. Hey Jordy. Hey. Hey. All the numbers you haven’t done please 😊

Ugh you suck houses

1. Are looks important in a relationship?Based off of previous relationships, no 2. Are relationships ever worth it?I would like to think so, but so far no3. Are you a virgin?No lmao4. Are you in a relationship?No lmao 6. Are you single this year?Yes lmao7. Can you commit to one person?Absolutely 8. Describe your crushMmmm nah no thanks they know lmao ((also beautiful and amazing))9. Describe your perfect mateLike friend????? Idk someone that doesnt hate me lmao10. Do you believe in love at first sight?Lowkey yes but also nah bc thats ridiculous(br /> 12. Do you forgive betrayal?Constantly, it has backfired on me numerous times14. Do you have a crush on anyone?Hella lmao15. Do you have any piercings?Yeah, normal ear lobes and nose 16. Do you have any tattoos?Yep, triceratops on my thigh and a deathly hallows on the inside of my foot 17. Do you like kissing in public?Definitely, but not like so much that it grosses everyone out yknow 20. Do you shower every day?I shower after sport, so nearly every day i guess 23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?Definitely 24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?The aim is married by 26 so probably not 26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?I dont think so? 28. Have you ever been cheated on?No, not that i know of, thankfully 29. Have you ever cheated on someone?No 30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?Yes, considered getting smaller boobs so i can actually dance 31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?More times than I’d care to admit32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?Lmao so many times 33. Have you ever had sex with a man?Yes34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?Yes 35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?So many times lmao 36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?Yes lmao 37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?I dont think so? Maybe not approved of but not hated 38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?Yes lmao 39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yes lmao, everyone who hasnt wanted me ever lmao 41. Have you had sex so far this year?Yes 43. How long was your longest relationship?Just over 2 years 44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?2 boyfriends 45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?1 lmao 46. How many times did you have sex last year?Maybe like a 3 times? 47. How old are you?19 48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?Sounds about right lmao 49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?Don’t have one right at this moment 51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? So many people. Literally any of my friends, I’d do anything they wanted me to 52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?Yes, because they gave up on me first 53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?No?? 54. Is there someone you will never forget?Yes, so many 55. Share a relationship story.God idk, i dont really have any stories that arent mildly sad. I guess the reason my last bf and i started dating is because he made really good banana bread?? 56. State 8 facts about your body8??!! So many idkI’m 5 foot 5, chubby, blue hair, brown eyes, hips dont work, back is constantly sore, wonky eyebrows, button nose 58. What are five ways to win your heart?Idk just attention and actually liking me i dont need anything else 59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)Ugh there are pictures on my tagged/me or whatever i have tagged. I havent changed other than in hair colour in about 5 years 60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?3 years between me and a boyfriend 61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?How kind they are 62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?Honestly I’m a sucker for absent minded running of fingers down my back/leg etc 63. What is your definition of “having sex”?Idk honestly, still trying to figure that out 64. What is your definition of cheating?When you’re emotionally involved with someone else or have become emotionally uninvolved with your partner i think 66. What is your favourite roleplay?Idk I’ve never tried any?? 67. What is your idea of the perfect date?Being with someone who actually likes my company lmao. I dont mind what activity it is 68. What is your sexual orientation?Bisexual 70. What turns you on?Turning someone else on 71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?Honest to god i dont think I’ve ever had a wet dream i remember 72. What words do you like to hear during sex?Idk my name i guess, that they’re enjoying it or something idk I’m too inexperienced lmao 73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?Idk, like me for a start, that’d be nice 74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?As in like that i want in a partner?????? Idk I’d just like to not date terrible people? 77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?Depends on the relationship 78. What’s your dirtiest secret?Idk man I’ll tell anyone anything if they ask 79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?God idk constantly of every friend i ever have talking to someone else, I’m v insecure lmao ((i have gotten better though i stg)) 80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Literally seconds ago, i tell everyone as much as i can 81. Who are five people you find attractive?God idk most people i know are attractive wtf 82. Who is the last person you hugged?Sister i think?? It was a pity hug bc I’m still drunk lmao 83. Who was your first kiss with?My first boyfriend 84. Why did your last relationship fail?Because i realised i needed more and deserved more than i was getting 85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?Likeeeeeeeeee idk probably not honestlyStill v drunk, pls message if you want explanation lmaoooooooo

[jitterbugjive]

8') Don't tell me they killed the cute sheep-pon lawyer boy. Is he heir oc? Hasnt Spinel suffered enough?

It’s in an alternate universe where Randy and Spinel are older and because Spinel chose Vior over Randy, the sheepony left heartbroken. bit over 10 years later, Spinel finds Randy in a hospital because his liver’s bad from too much drinking, so the unicorn throws a bunch of money at the hospital to get him the best surgical equipment and a not so legally obtained new liver. Turns out Vior and Spinel had a fight 3 years prior and hadn’t been in contact since, and later it’s revealed they’d gotten married and never had a divorce or anything. Spinel more or less forced Randy to be back in his life because ‘you owe me your life’, his desperate attempt to find someone to give his life some kind of meaning (Spinel at that point is much like Bojak Horseman.) He’ll get on drugs, have wild parties, pass out in an alleyway, generally 0 self care and 0 shits given as he’s constantly borderline suicidal

Anyway over time he and Randy re-connect and start to form something special between them, but circumstances with his job and Randy getting pulled in to it causes Spinel so much distress that he feels the world would be better off without him, so he disappears one day with a vague, alarming note. Everyone starts searching for Spinel, and someone calls Vior to ask him to come back and take care of the mess Spinel had made. Spinel starts making calls to those he knows to say final goodbyes, clearly on drugs, but when he calls his business to talk to his secretary, Vior answers instead and it gives him a shock that throws him way off. He hangs up on Vior. He then calls Whistle, not knowing Randy was there with him, and Randy answering gives him another shock which encourages him to talk a bit more, and with Whistle’s advice on what to say, Randy’s able to calm him down enough to admit he needs help, and spinel agrees to call Vior to come get him since he has wings. Vior finds Spinel just on time, overdosed on multiple drugs, and has him taken care of.

This of course leads to conflict as Randy thinks once again Spinel would have Vior over him, but he’s so down on himself that he things it’s better than way and he should just leave. But, Spinel meanwhile, AND Vior both express they want Randy back in their lives and that they are in an open relationship of sorts, they both want to make up the harm they’d done to him in the past. But Randy’s having none of it, insisting it’s wrong and that they’re both better off without him.

Vior then attempts to help Spinel with Polished Dreams by confronting a rather dangerous pony who’s more or less sponsoring his business. Vior made the mistake of making a legal threat to someone VERY powerful in the underground, and they had Vior shot down from the sky as he was flying home.

(Holy shit I’m trying to summarize as best I can and it’s still not remotely the whole story at all, this is also the universe where Blank exists and was manipulating Spinel for a time, and later murdered a Jewel)

Anyway, Spinel is of course alarmed with Vior doesn’t come home, and asks Randy to help him search for him.They eventually find him in the forest near the mountain, missing an entire wing with the other so severely damaged it couldn’t be saved. So Vior wakes up in the hospital no longer having wings any more, and Spinel and Randy stay by his side. But Randy, see, he’s been starting to feel and act sickly, weak, shaking, in pain. Spinel becomes incredibly paranoid, knowing something is wrong but not what because Randy won’t tell him, and he has this sense of dread that he could lose him or Vior at any moment. He tries to talk to Randy again, admitting things with Vior don’t feel the same any more and probably never will, and how much he wanted Randy to be a part of his life, wanted them to be together, but Randy rejects him VERY harshly, slipping out that he’s not worth it because ‘he’s dying’.

JitterbugJive-Today at 2:34 AM

Spinel sniffled, his hooves shaking. "I fucking love him, I swear I do, I'm relieved he's back but at the same time I just-- it was too long and too soon all at once and I still hate him for leaving and we-- you and I-" He looked at Randy with fear in his eyes, ".... there was something there, wasn't there? Is it all gone now...? Is it over...?"

SirDoodTheo-Today at 2:36 AM

Randy looked.. really scared. He held Spinel's hooves tightly, before looking down at the floor. "..... I.. Spinel w- we.. we can't... I c- can't-.." His breath caught in his throat, and he felt like he was practically shaking. "..... i- it's.. t- too late... isn't i- it?"

JitterbugJive-Today at 2:39 AM

His ears pinned back again, Randy's words making his chest tighten in agony. "I don't feel any different...." Spinel said in a voice that was so soft it was almost a whisper. "And I don't want to..."

SirDoodTheo-Today at 2:41 AM

"Sp- Spinel n- no!" He stood up, his forelegs hugging himself as he looked over at Vior's room, and then at the unicorn. "Th- This.. this is wr- wrong! W- We.... we had our ch- chance... a- and it d- didn't work! Y- You're.. you're with him now a- and it's... this isn't right......" He looked completely devastated.. as if he couldn't believe his own words coming out of his mouth. He rubbed his own shoulders, his body still practically trembling as he turned to look away. ".... I'm... n- not going to be around f- for long anyways..... y- you don't w- want this.."

JitterbugJive-Today at 2:49 AM

Spinel started breathing heavier, with an expression that melted in to something Randy had never seen on him before. Utter heartbreak and horror, and that was only at when the ram said 'we had our chance'. It only grew heavier from there, and he was about to protest with everything he had that it wasn't wrong, that it didn't matter but before he could.... Now confusion was added on top of the heartbreak and horror, and he felt his mouth go dry. ".... wh....what....?"

Two huge shocks in a row for Spinel, who’s now both heartbroken and terrified. He asks Randy what he means and Randy explains that he feels off, very sick, that he can tell whatever it is, he’s dying. Spinel asks him why he hasn’t gone to a doctor and the ram rejects the notion because he felt there’s no point and he’s just better off gone. And as Spinel is panicking (he breaks a bathroom mirror) Randy suddenly collapses and starts having trouble breathing.

Spinel of course rushes him to hospital staff, who reveal Randy’s body is rejecting the implanted liver because it’s not a hybrid liver. Randy would need a hybrid of the same blood type, and considering he’s a genetic impossibility the chances of finding someone is near non-existent.

Now see, how we RP is that sometimes we’ll roll on certain factors. And Theo, that asshole, WAS BASICALLY ROLLING ON RANDY’S LIFE, PIECE BY PIECE. And he got a 3 out of 20 when it came to the initial roll to see how bad off he was. Then he rolled on shit like if there’s a donor, and I’m just over here screaming my head off because I had so much planned for this Randy and I don’t want him to die and I feel super connected to Spinel so I wind up feeling a lot of what he’s feeling as its happening.

Just

Just look how awful this bastard is:

JitterbugJive-Today at 3:57 AM

i'm over here like "plz live so i can throw thing at you"

SirDoodTheo-Today at 3:57 AM

ahaha

!roll d20

RPBotBOT-Today at 3:58 AM

@SirDoodTheo rolled 3.

SirDoodTheo-Today at 3:58 AM

PFFT

JitterbugJive-Today at 3:58 AM

SCREAMS

SirDoodTheo-Today at 3:58 AM

XD

oh man

JitterbugJive-Today at 4:00 AM

IF HE DIES I SWEAR TO GOD THERE WILL BE A FUCKING QUEST TO TARTARUS

SirDoodTheo-Today at 4:00 AM

Guess we're gonna hafta find ouuuut

it's not gonna be good whatever it is

JitterbugJive-Today at 4:01 AM

-SCREEEEEEEEEEEECH-

SirDoodTheo-Today at 4:01 AM

Man I was just gonna be like

"Oh well if it's fine"

"I'll just say he had like.. a panic attack"

-rolls a 3-......"WELP OKAY THEN"

JitterbugJive-Today at 4:02 AM

if it's a shit liver spinel's gonna murder bluebelle

SirDoodTheo-Today at 4:48 AM

!roll d20

RPBotBOT-Today at 4:48 AM

@SirDoodTheo rolled 17.

SirDoodTheo-Today at 4:49 AM

Hey there we go some good news!

JitterbugJive-Today at 4:50 AM

good news is: There's a hybrid out there that matches

bad news: they still alive and kickin'

SirDoodTheo-Today at 4:52 AM

lmao ohno I was just rolling on if Randy would survive the surgery to remove the liver inside him right now

I haven't rolled on the donor yet:3

JitterbugJive-Today at 4:52 AM

you'd need a hell of a roll for that fuuuck

SirDoodTheo-Today at 4:52 AM

!roll d20

RPBotBOT-Today at 4:52 AM

@SirDoodTheo rolled 17.

SirDoodTheo-Today at 4:52 AM

Okay dokie soooooo

Matching liver

SirDoodTheo-Today at 4:53 AM

but the pony who has it is alive but they're close to death themselves

just a matter of convincing them to give up their own liver

JitterbugJive-Today at 4:53 AM

shrieeek

Aaaand since this post is fucking long enough anyway, have some art from Worst Universe (yeah we call it that for a reason)

Oh did I mention this is the universe where Spinel’s drug use triggers a disease in his horn that causes him to constantly expel magic unless medicated, without his magic energy replenishing, so ultimately if it keeps going it’ll cause horn necrosis and eventually make him lose all his magic and magical antibodies.

This image here is what he would have looked like if it got to its worst state (Which it hasn’t, thus far it’s been kept on top of and rolls have been good... now it’s all about convincing the head researcher of the disease to go back to researching it and giving the funding needed for it)

THIS UNIVERSE SUCKS OKAY?

[missjackil]

Glad I Came When I Did...

I came to Tumblr in July of last year, I had only been watching SPN since the March before, but I had watched everything from the beginning and was all caught up, and well into my rewatches when I got here, and I am so thankful that was the case. When I got here, and saw what many of you say about the show, characters, writers and show runners, I wondered what show you all are watching.  For one thing, the show wasnt “better” in the Kripke era, it was just different for the first 3 seasons, but that was just laying the foundation for what the show was building up to. Sure, it was nice to have just Sam and Dean in every episode and not muddied down with side characters, but this show literally being an epic, needed to get bigger. It wouldnt have lasted 13 years and counting,if it just stayed Sam and Dean hunting shifters and vampires. Season 4 changed everything, and keep in mind this was Kripke, not Gamble or Carver, we got Cas and other angels, it got darker and more personal when Dean went to Hell and was tortured and ended up breaking the first seal, and Sam was drinking demon blood and became addicted, and ultimately raising Lucifer, we learned that that the brothers were part of a big Heavenly plan, and even had Gospels written about them. The great battle of Armageddon would be fought by them! Had the story not exploded like that, the show never would have gotten a 6th season. So many of you just said “It never should have gotten a 6th season anyway” but youd sit there and whine for the next 2 years about how badly it ended. Sam sacrifces himself to save the world and ends up alone in the dark? Dean ends up with a chick he hardly knows? How does this make a good ending to such a great story?  Next, Dean is not an abusive masogynist, and Sam is not the pseudo-female that bends to Dean’s every whim. I’ll agree that Dean hit Sam too much in the early seasons (remember? back with it was “so much better”?) but Sam is a big guy and it was always a fair fight whenever he faught back, he just chose not to fight sometimes. Not because he’s afraid of Dean, but because its Sam’s nature to just not want to fight, Those of you who treat Sam like a battered wife from the 50s, or Stockholm syndrom gone wild, are just really projecting your political agenda on a show that wishes to not take part in ANY political agenda.  Sam and Dean fight. In any drama with brothers, they fight. Since early S7, Dean hasnt hit Sam without being under a supernatural influence, and no one seems to want to accept that that part of Dean has changed. Why? Because youre putting Sam in the battered wife position, where you would tell a battered wife, that the abusive husband wont ever change. Not where he SHOULD be, as a big, strong man, fully capable of kicking Dean’s ass if he wants to, but he doesnt because he loves Dean, and knows Dean loves him, even if he hasnt always known the right way to show it. 

On that same topic, Sam is not the female architype of this story, though sometimes a male/female formula is used. Normally however, Sam and Dean are Butch and Sundance or Luke Skywalker and Han Solo the way Kripke created these characters. Sam has feminine qualities, and so does Dean, but all men do, and all women have some masculine qualities.... thats just being realitic. I am just as tired of hearing about Dean’s “Toxic masculity” as I am about hearing that Sam is a woman with a penis... well, we’ve never been shown he has one, so a woman with facial hair? I dont know.... but feminize either of them in your fan fic if thats what youre into, but don’t write it into the show, when that’s not what the show is telling us.  Neither Sam nor Dean are bisexual, and I dont care if Sam has never said he’s straight, or if he sumonned a male crossroads demon, or Dean and Cas breathed the same air, or Dean made a mix tape. After 12 yrs, if neither of these boys have canonically dated a man, we can safely assume they never will. Even if Wincest was canon, it wouldnt mean they have any interest in men aside from each other.  Sam gets blamed for a lot, he does, but not everything all the time and Dean never blamed Sam for anything (after S4) that he didnt blame himself for too. in S5 Fallen Idols, Dean reminds Sam that he broke the first seal, and tells Sam he couldnt have known killing Lilith was a bad thing, In S8 when Dean tells Sam what things he could confess, he isnt throwing blame on him, but acknowledging that these werent good things, and may need confessing.... ignorance is no excuse for the law right? And Dean puts blame on them both for releasing the Darkness. In my time of watching this show, free from Tumblr, never once did Sam come off as stupid, evil, or less important than Dean. Either in the show or where the writing was concerned.  Dean may asstert himself as the boss or the leader, and most of the time, he is the leader, and thats alright, theyre a team, it doesnt minimize Sam at all, he has said basically he prefers to follow because it’s easier than leading, but he certainly can lead when necessary. Dean is the infantry and Sam is the tank. Thats not making one greater than the other, thats stratagy. But as far as being Sam’s boss, look again.... Dean barks orders at Sam sometimes, but Sam gives orders subtly, he tells Dean to stop, he stops, he gives him a bitch face, he stops, he puts his hand out, Dean doesnt get cake, he says “dont kill him” Dean doesnt kill him, Sam flashes puppydog eyes and gets basically whatever he wants. Sometimes Dean defies Sam, and sometimes Sam defies Dean... see that? The narative does not favor Dean over Sam. Again, I state that Sam has never looked weak or stupid or habitually wrong in my time of watching. A few times Dean says “Im always right” but that doesnt mean he is written to be always right. Its just a Dean thing. Dean is not the “fav” of the writers because he has more speaking lines either. Sam is a quiet character, and since Jared isnt comfortable with long monologues, that works out pretty good. Sam has more personafications than Dean, more pain and affliciton... this isnt “HEY WE HATE SAM SO LETS MAKE HIM SUFFER!! HAHAHAHA!!” This is showcasing how well Jared acts pain, or takes on a different personality. This doesnt put Dean/Jensen down, his strong points are comedic parts, making long dialogue not sound boring, and showing full emotion while still being able to speak clearly. Put these exceptional talents together and it makes for 2 awesome main characters that are defined individuals and not mirrors of each other, and yet they stay similar enough to be believable brothers, best friends, and soulmates. I dont begrudge anyones opinion on anything It’s yours, you have it, and I respect it, but it appears that a lot of you are wasting your time on a show you hate, that goes against everything you stand for, and treats your favorite actor/character like a meaningless extra, and sadly, some are following you and theyre not having their own experience, they’re living yours. I cant tell you how often I hear someone hasnt watched a certain episode, or a certain season because Tumblr people hated it, so they thought it not worth it. and I have to explain that Tumblr people hate everything, and mostly wont ever be happy with the show unless whatever ship they ship becomes canon, which none of them will. So may I suggest, lighten up. take the show at face value, dont sit there, arms crossed, phone in hand waiting to meta on something you want to be there that isnt, and just laugh and love and cry with the rest of us :)

[stay-trash-2017]

Kim Kayhyun was a girl from a rough past. Her parents broke up when she was only a few months old, her mom is a hard working asshole. Her father was disabled, not disabled in the way you think. He broke his shoulder in a car accident when he was in a car accident with his 5 year old Kayhyun. A few years later he got in another car accident with his girlfriend at the time and fucked up his brain. He cant talk or think as fast as he used to. He has a new girlfriend though, Park Demyuna. She has two daughters who just happen to be kayhyun's favorite people. Her two daughters names are Park Karajin and Jung Runjyun. Runjyun is 11 and karajin is 14 almost 15. Kayhyun is only 14 and has already been put through hell. She has a little brother Hwang Xanie who just turned 8. Kayhun was very greatful for what she had no matter what but her parents did piss her off quite alot. Her school life wasnt any better, sure she had a few good friends who loved her to death but she hated everyone else. Kayhyun's best friend Min aniha and her boyfriend Jeona Jigsew would basically fuck in the middle of the hallway, it is very gross.

KAYHYUN'S POV

      Ive really only has every had one crush in my life time, his name is Bang Chan. He was tall and had the most lucious brown curls in his hair. His dimples so deep you could swim in them, his eyes were so soft and caring, and his voice makes me melt. Its like honey, better yet an angel. I only know this because a little while ago we both auditioned for a music company called JYP, he and i both became trainees and we found a new friend ship through that. He is the sweetest person on earth but every one know the biggest smile hides enormous amounts of hurt. Chan had been through almost as much as i had been through. He came to Seoul in the 3 rd grade and he was constantly picked on because he is from Australia and didnt speak fluent Korean. Once he was fluent people started making shit up about him and he didnt deserve it. The worst thing that ive heard being said to him was that he was going to get dropped faster than a hot potato from JYP. He dosent seem like he takes it to heart but as one of his best friends, i can confirm he definitely does. I have a small group of friends, there is Han Jisung, Seo Changbin, and Chan they are also trainees . I am so lucky to have them through everything. While going to practice everyday after school, we made some new friends. Chan found a new family that he could depend on instead of his own fucked up life. Chan met Kim Woojin, Lee Minho, Hwang Hyunjin, Lee Felix who was also Australian, Kim Seungmin, and Yang Jeongin. They are all so sweet, they have been to hell and back with their own experiences. Woojin was a year older than Chan, Jisung, Changbin, and I.

       Woojin had pupes man, this boy could belt some notes, he is a giant teddy bear. I remember once i was sad because my boyfriend had broken uo with me and told me horrible thing. I hurt myself and it sure as hell scarred but when woojin saw the scars he hugged me tight and made me promise i would never do that again, i agreed because i was extremely ashamed of myself for letting a boy push me that far. Woojin is an all around great guy.

      Minho was a Mean Hoe. He only teased me and his fellow trainees because he cared about us. He used to be a back up dancer for the imfamous boyband Bangtan Sonyeondan. Minho aasnt ashamed to have danced for them but it did cause some self doubt issues when he became a JYP trainee. He was convinced he was too fat or not strong enough, when in reality he couldnt come to realize that one day he would rise to Bts's level. He was always there for everyone especially Jisung, He had grown VERY close to Jisung.

      Hyunjin is an amazing little soft person. He and Jisung shared the same voices, no, not schizophrenic voices. The voices that told them they werent good enough to be a JYP trainee, these voiced told them to do horrible things to them selves. Hyunjin has the scars on his thighs to show. He never wanted to do it but the voices overwhelemed him one night and found himself in a bathtub of cold water. Long, deep, thin lines that covered his thighs.

      Felix is another Aussie boy, him and Chan both born in Sydney. Felix was teased back home for wanting to be an Idol. He was told to kill himslef and that he would never be good. Felix had friends back home, not all of them true but when he was only 15 he moved to Seoul and started learning Korean to become a successful idol. He grew to some what love himself when he met the boys. He truly loved them. Especially  Changbin

        Kim Seungmin had never been bullied but he was abused. He lives with his Meth head aunt, and dont get me wrong all the boys do very much worry bout how permanent  the roof over his head was. Seungmin did his best not to ask for much because his aunt thought she gave him the world. Where in reality he only had a bed, a blanket, and a phone he bought and payed for himself. He was very greatful for what he had and tried his very bets to stay on his aunts good side, most of the time he was but i prefer not to talk about the bad times.

      Jeongin was the baby of the group. He had a great life, or as far as i know. He hasnt really opened up with me yet but i dont want to force him into something he isnt comfortable with.

     Well now that you do know who the boys and how they came to be who they aee today lets continue...

     It was lunch period and Chan, Jisung, and Changbin ran off without me. I was angry but not to mad they were probally writing new music for the group. I decided to listen to my music and write a poem. I got situated at our usual lunch table and pulled out my notebook. I grabbed my phone and my ear buds and started playing Day6, I turned the volume all the way up to drown out any noise from the rest of the cafeteria. I wrote to my hearts content. Poetry was my way of letting out any sadness or anger. The notebook was yanked away and my head shot up to see, Im Sarang. She hated me for no reason. I jumped up and tried to grab the book from her well manicured hands, but it didnt help that i am only 4'9 and she is 5'11 plus the 4 inch heels she was wearing, in all imagine a 4 foot 9 girl dressed in dark colors jumping 2 inches off the ground reaching for a notebook being held by a giant. Sarang prefered to be called Sara. Sara was popular but she was NOT pretty. She looked like Filipino man in a messy blonde wig, with fucked up eye liner and a pale pink off the shoulder top ( i think certain people get that refrence). Sara slapped me down to the ground and thats when, I lost it. I didnt hit her back but I did stay on the floor teary eyed as sara read out the poem i was writing to the entire cafeteria.

"I’ve been thinking ‘bout my life

Is it better if I die

Before I fall asleep forever

I'm trying to find feeling within this nothingness

I’ve been thinking ‘bout my life

Is it better if I die

Before I fall asleep forever

I'm trying to find feeling within this nothingness"

    Sara looked at me a laughed. She gave me a look pure disgust and hatred, thats when I had enoungh. I sat up and snatched the notebook from her hands and grabbed my bag and ran out of Cafeteria. I was running down the hall way when i collided with a man. I fell hard on my butt, i felt my head slam against the hard tile floor. I let out a final sob before the man came to my side, my vision cleared after all the tears had left my eyes. Park Jaehyung.  He was the guitarist of the Band Day6. They had already debuted but he was still needing to go to school.

"Oh my gosh! Im so sorry!" He said very apologetically. He reached for my hands to help me up.  I sniffed and looked him in the eyes and started crying again.

"Yo hey ey, whats wrong?"

"Sara, she makes my life a living hell when all i want is to be left the hell alone when it comes to my inner thoughts!"

"Ugh . . . Sara is my Best friend Byron's sister. If you think she is bad to you, she calls me OPPAR. Me and the rest of my band. She is so annoying. Dont let her get to you. She is just jealous because all the actually hot guys swoon over you instead of her." What Jae had said made sense but im not pretty.

"Shut up, im not pretty. " you managed to say.

"Youre damn right. Youre gorgeous." He said while taking your hand in his. He starred deep into my eyes and kissed me. And wow. Was he some kisser? I didnt feel awkward and stiff, i felt sparks.

     His lips pressed against mine was the best feeling in the world. Our lips mold together and I feel his hand slip to my hip and pull me closer. I wrap my hand around his neck and pull him into me. He pulls away and rests his forehead on mine and i feel great. I hear a throat clear from beside me, and i look over to see Chan dressed nicely with Changbin and Jisung on both side of him. They are holding what seemed like a million lavender roses. Chan looks at me with hurt and dissapointment in his eyes. He walks up to me and places a small rectangular box in my handm without saying a word he turns around and walks out.

Oh boy what have I gotten myself into...