#it isn't my fault that the current one is gay

[rainbluealoekitten]

fun fact about me actually: 75-80% of the time that i'm blogging about nblm/mlm yearning, it's because i'm sad and this is my current distraction. the other 20-25% of the time is when i'm actually vibrating with joy while wearing the dumbest and goofiest smile on my face

[thinkingaboutjaedyn]

I neeeedddd a fanfiction of r being really shy and they just started dating (elisa asked because r can't even look at her eyes).

Also, no need to do it if you don't have time. I know you probably have finals and even other stuff x

eye contact is overrated ( elisa de almeida x reader )

prompt: you can't seem to stop being shy around elisa even after she asks you out.

author notes: thank you for the request! and ty for being appreciative of my time but tbh i have more free time than i should. i hope this is what you wanted. i finished this at literally 4am so give me slack on any grammar/spelling errors. enjoy!

you wouldn't consider yourself to be a shy person. your personality was bold and strong on the pitch while loud and talkative off of the pitch. nobody would consider you shy expect for one person: elisa de almeida who just so happens to be your now current girlfriend. even after getting with her, you're still so shy.

it truly isn't your fault. elisa is the first woman to make you feel this way; nervous in a good way. the first to make your heart flutter when she gives you a quick smile. it's 100% elisa's fault for being so beautiful like she is. that's why you always look away when she tries to hold eye contact or use to go silent in the locker room when she walked past you. she was too beautiful for her own good.

when you first moved clubs to paris saint germain from wolfsburg, you were understandably nervous. not nervous enough to not be your bubbly self, but just nervous enough to try to calm down that really loud part of your personality when first meeting the team.

that didn't last long once you got around jackie and ramona. the team overall was full of some big personalities, but those two really bought out your loud side. all day at practice you were playing around and almost had to be separated from jackie so you could focus. that energetic, fun energy followed you all day until it was time to leave.

you were changing out of your practice kit, humming a soft tune. lost in your own world as you put on your tshirt than your sweatpants. you turn as you feel someone's presence behind you. there stood elisa who smiles at you. that stupidly attractive smile. your loud personality from earlier crawls into a shell as you give her a shy smile back.

"can i borrow a comb?" the french player asks, again smiling that stupidly attractive smile at you. it takes a moment for you to just nod and grab your comb from your bag. awkwardly smiling as you hand her the comb. you really was just trying to cover up how feeling her hand against yours makes your heart flutter. "thanks," elisa says before walking off. probably to go find a mirror to look at.

that first interaction set the tone for all the interactions between elisa and you after. the french player would try to make conversation with you and the most she would get was short answers.

at first, she thought you hated her or something like that. you were overly bubbly and friendly with everyone else but her. it made elisa nervous as usually she was easily liked. that's just how her personality is: likeable. what did she do wrong to make you that uncomfortable around her?

it wasn't until she started to notice that you would blush and look away at her when she would greet you. elisa realized you weren't shy out of discomfort, but just out of gay panic. that changed everything for her. now she was determined to get you to open up to her and become closer to you. that shy smile of yours was doing things to her heart so elisa thinks it's only fair that you talk to her for more than five minutes.

instead of talking to you in person which just ends up with you running off, elisa took a different approach and messaged you on instagram. talking to someone online has always been less nerve wracking than in person so it only took a few messages for elisa to see your real personality. that loud, talkative y/n everyone else got to see.

in person you still shyed away from her, but a win was a win to her.

eventually after months of talking back and forth on instagram, you start to open up to elisa in person. happily jumping up on her in celebration after making a great goal. being able to hold an actual conversation with her in person as long as y'all's other teammates are around.

still you have fallen hard for her. you wanted to take you two's friendship to the next level. however you would rather crawl into a hole than ask elisa out. that was going way too far for your (gay panic induced) shyness.

good thing elisa felt the same way and was actually bold enough to take that leap. one day, she invited you out for lunch. despite being incredibly nervous (due to gay panic) you accepted and dressed in a cute white crop top with some flared jeans. doing a half up half down hairstyle for the occasion.

when you arrived at the restaurant, your heart rate was a little higher than it should be but you pushed though and sat down at the reserved table elisa got. she sits infront of you, smiling with that beautiful smile of hers. "thanks for asking me out to this place. it's so nice," you say, almost stumbling over your words. "it's really nothing. i just wanted to spend more time with you" elisa replies back. those words almost had you running out of the restaurant (again gay panic). thankfully you stayed sat in your seat.

the date (would it even be considered one? you didn't ask her) goes well. with you two enjoying a nice lunch before heading off to an aquarium. elisa was particularly obsessed with the sea otters. forcing you to stay by their exhibit longer than needed, but you dealt with it for her. the little critters were cute anyways. you have actually gotten more comfortable talking to her in person now. however eye contact was out of the question, with you always acting interested in other things when you two would speak to each other. it couldn't be helped in all honesty. elisa was just too pretty and her eyes were like the sun in your eyes, so obviously you have to look away; staring at the sun isn't good for you.

the sun was setting as you two step out of the aquarium. hands interlocked as y'all walk to elisa's car. you were actually the reason you two were holding hands right now and it took all of your willpower to power though all that gay panic and take elisa's hand in yours. elisa's already high confidence level climbed that day.

once inside of her car, she starts to talk excitedly about the day. with you saying a few words here and there but listening intently. hearing her sound so excited made you smile.

"the best part of today was definitely the otter exhibit. those little guys are incredibly cute," elisa rants off as she continues to drive. you nod in agreement. "yeah but the penguins were cuter in my opinion," you say. giggling once elisa steals a glance at you. obviously offended.

"why would you even say that? the otters beat out penguins by a long shot" she says. the empathizing in her words almost made you agree, but no. the penguins still have your heart. "they really don't but whatever you say" you shrug before leaning your head against the window. elisa gives you the side eye but has to focus on the road in the end so she will definitely be bringing this back up at a later date.

it takes twenty minutes to get to your place from the aquarium.

elisa being the gentleman she is walks you to your door. "thank you for taking me out today. it was fun," you smile warmly at her. smiling even brighter when she leans in for a hug. happily letting her take you in her arms. the warmth of the embrace almost makes you scream (in gay panic), but you'll save that for later when you're by yourself.

"i enjoyed myself so thank you actually" the french player says against your ear. you could hear the smile on her lips as she speaks, "i have a question for you, y/n."

elisa pulls away from the hug. with her hands still holding onto your arms. she tries to hold eye contact with you (because that's more romantic) but you look away. "what is it?" you say quietly. she looks at you for another moment before saying, "can i be your girlfriend?"

you almost ran into your house out of pure panic. instead you pull her back into a hug. "duh" you giggle.

now you and elisa have been together for a month. that overly shyness of yours have faded a bit. however you still blush when elisa holds your hand in public or when she hugs you from behind or kiss you or pretty much do anything couples usually do.

maybe you shyness hasn't faded, but you are way more comfortable with holding a conversation with her. you start to initiate some affection like a few hugs and kisses but it's mostly elisa being her bold self that starts things.

it's a nice evening of having a movie marathon when the fact you still can't hold eye contact with your girlfriend reveals itself. you are laying on her top of her with your head on her chest as you two stare at the tv. the monster high movies from your childhood playing on the screen. elisa seems to be enjoying the movies despite them not being apart of her childhood at all. clawd is her favorite by the way. she turns to look down at you.

"babe.." she says quietly, chuckling once you look up at her. immediately you look away the moment y'all's eyes meet. it's not your fault you're too shy for all that still. elisa just smiles, mentally reminding herself to break you out of that shy shell of yours, as she guides you to face her again.

leaning down slightly as she kisses you. good thing kisses don't require eye contact.

[queerfortress2]

hii yall im currently having a tf2 fixation soo, can i please request platonic friendship hcs for medic and scout? ty hope you guys are having a good day 🩵

oooo, cute, first platonic req :) — mod engie

READER & MEDIC + SCOUT (SEPARATE)

MEDIC

you are forcibly his new rambling partner, i think he calls you to the infirmary, not because youre in trouble or sick (which is what other believe) but because he just wants to talk about a new discovery he's had

he usually tell the engineer about his fun little discoveries, but when he does he has to be professional about it (mostly). with you, he doesn't need to be! he can tell you how it is: usually completely deranged.

if you meet outside the base, god bless your heart. he will sneak you onto 2fort don't doubt him. you will somehow find yourself in that infirmary in one way or another. trust me you will

he also isn't shy to invite you in when the mercs are under. and by under i mean they passed out from the pain of being operated on! he will be half an arm into heavy's chest while talking to you about his day, peak professionalism right there folks.

because he enjoys your company i think you would also have to be friends with heavy, the two are attached at the hip (and lets be real, gay) so if you get to know him, you automatically get to know heavy.

which is great! because now you get to get out with them as well, how fun! ignoring how they're banned from most public places for various reasons. most of which being medics fault (and one of which being: THE DEVILS FAULT). who would've guessed a crazy mad scientist would be banned from most public spaces.

basically, if you cant ride or die with this man, good luck, because my god you might just die instead.

SCOUT

YOU ARE GOING EVERYWHERE WITH HIM

even the gas station. you are going as emotional support. you don't get a choice in the matter you are going with him everywhere.

at this point you might as well be surgically attached at the hip given you’re never seen without you other half

not that he’s unbearably clingy (he is) but also because in a mercenary group, a guy doesn’t have that many friends.

pros though! you have a new bodyguard, he would stick up for you on any occasion! even if he is lacking in the muscle department, he’s got the voice and speed to back it up.

also rambling partner, you guys stay up late talking to eachother loudly till someone complains and tells you to shut up and go to bed. its a daily occurrence of getting wayyyy too into the topic and beginning to get a little too loud. usually spy or medic coming in, terribly tired just trying to get some rest

you have to keep him in line with pauling. like really need to tell him what’s up. because literally otherwise he cannot get his shit together. it’s only a little pathetic to watch.

if your afab he is the type of guy to run to a store to get you pads but he is ALSO the guy to get lost in said aisle and you end up having to send someone else to find him. (ALSO THE IMAGE OF ‘what pussy size’ IS GENERALLY HIM FR — MOD MEDIC)

[factorialsotherfandoms]

Fluff and gay rarepair are currently drawing. So I tried to write the fluff, with the idea I could finish it, watch some videos, then maybe crack at gay after stuff ends. I think this isn't actually fluff, but /I/ think its cute, and its soft, even if it is a bit hurt/comfort for what I meant by fluff.

Philza finds Missa asleep in the ram pen.

Philza wakes up, and he isn't sure what is wrong. His eggs are asleep, the doors are all locked, and dawn is still far away. Still, he swears he heard something. It's not from above - people still use his warp and garden too often to be bothered by noise from above - and that settles dread into Philza's spine.

He slips out of bed, bothering with shoes and scythe but not changing out of his pyjamas, and stats looking. It's probably a water pipe, he tells himself; he will not settle until he checks.

Chayanne's room and the kitchen are checked first, but nothing unusual is in either. Philza puts the plates from the night before away, then keeps looking.

Tallulah's garden is, too, empty of oddities.

Philza is about the chalk it up to nothing, when he remembers the aquarium beneath his feet. Instantly annoyed he breaks a piece of the floor, and drops down.

He fixes up the hole - he can just warp out after all - and looks around. The change isn't immediately apparent, but after he checks behind the animal pen… his heart breaks.

"Missa?" He whispers at the man - his husband - asleep among the animals. "Why are you sleeping down here?"

Missa sleeps on, oblivious to the question. Philza looks, and hesitates, then sees the ram try nibble Missa's hood and makes his descision.

He can hate him in the morning if he's wrong.

Carefully, he reaches down. One arm goes behind Missa's back, and the other tucks under his legs. His husband stirs with a quiet groan, and Philza gently hushes him.

"Go back to sleep," he whispers. "I'm just bringing you to bed."

His words have the opposite effect; Missa eyes slowly blink open, head turning to find him. "Phil…?"

"Hi Missa," he abandons his plan, and kneels next to the setee instead. "What were you sleeping down here for? Our bed is upstairs, silly."

Missa blinks at him, tears welling up. Philza reaches out and smooths then away, brushing Missa's hair from his eyes too.

"What are the tears for? My face isn't that bad, surely?"

"No," Missa whispers, and then his voice picks up. "No, no, no, its a good face! A very good face."

"Then why are you crying, king?"

Missa shakes his head; Philza reaches out, offering a hug. The shaking and tears both get harder.

"Missa?" Philza is worried now, genuinely worried. "Missa, what's wrong?"

"I don't deserve it," Missa sobs - in Spanish now, and Philza glances to his translator for support. "I don't deserve you, I'm a bad husband, I'm a worse dad, please, I'm so sorry-"

"Shhh," Philza continues to brush his hair. "You're not, you're not. You have to travel for work, that's all - plenty of parents have to. I don't blame you. Chayanne adores you. You're a good husband, I promise, there's no one I'd rather raise my eggs with."

"But-"

Philza waits, but Missa does not continue, just sobbing into a ball.

"I should have thought and asked Roier to keep up Chayanne's Spanish once your trip back was delayed," Philza says. "These things just happen with kids, it's not your fault, he's not hurt, he's safe and he's happy."

"Philza," Missa sobs. "Philza! Stop it! I… I know I did bad, you shouldn't comfort the terrible."

It's maybe too late, too emotional, too tired for that conversation. Philza instead reaches over, pulling Missa into a hug. It hurts, it hurts to see what words have done to his dear egg-partner. "You're not terrible," he promises. "You're not, you're not - come upstairs with me; some sleep will make things better."

The sobbing lasts a bit longer, before with a sniffle Missa manages to stutter out "really?"

"Really," Philza replies. "I want you in my bed, and the eggs want you with them. We've been waiting for you."

"For me?"

"For you."

Philza leans forwards, tapping his forehead to Missa's mask. There's another hiccupping sob and then Missa throws himself into Philza's arms more fully.

He is of course caught, and held as he cries.

"You're so good, king," Philza promises. "Phil e Missa, Phil e Missa - its still our house; I built it for you."

There is no answer, but eventually Missa's tears slow. Philza backs slightly away, just enough to grab a tissue and let Missa dry his eyes.

"… You mean it?" Missa asks.

Philza does his very best not to laugh, and nearly succeeds, "yes, king, I do. We want you here, I promise."

Despite the tearstains, Missa's face lights up in a hesitant but true smile. Philza sniles back, pressing a thumb to Missa's cheek and touching their foreheads again.

"So… will you come to bed?" He asks.

"Okay," Missa whisoers. "Okay, I- I-"

"Will get some sleep, and in the morning Chayanne and I will make you breakfast, and we're going to spoil you for a little while, okay?"

"I- I don't need that, just a bed, just a bed somewhere close to you!"

"Well, we have a double upstairs, and its a shame not to use it," he presses Missa's hand to the warpstone. "You remember where to go?"

Missa pulls out his warpstone, and allows it to pull him back atop the wall. Philxa follows a second later.

Above the door, the sign Missa wrote still hangs. Philza looks at it, then turns to see Missa doing the same.

"I missed you too," he finally replies to the message.

Missa whimpers, but smiles, "I missed you more."

"Bet?" Philza asks, even as he pulls him inside.

There's barely space in their house, a tiny place made for an egg and repurposed for his parents. The double bed is squashed tightly between the walls, and they both have to scramble to get onto it. By the time they are under the covers the pair are already a mess of limbs, one that only grows messier as Missa hesitantly gestures for a hug and Philza willingly provides.

/I love you/ Philza thinks, but cannot bring himself to say - not when the love he offers isn't the sort people ever want. /You are home and my home, you are family, you are mine; I love you./

Missa doesn't say anything either, having never entirely woken up; as soon as his head touches the pillow, he is asleep again.

"Goodnight," Philza says instead.

Then he huddles himself closer, and feels the warmth of his husband, and knows that shit though the island might be, here intertwinned is the best place he's ever been.

---

In the morning, Tallulah wakes up. Papi is no longer in his bed - she grabs Chayanne, shaking him hard. He wakes with a groan, and panics just the same. Together they search, getting more and more worried.

They're about to go get Tio Tubbo to help find him, when Chayanne remembers the house upstairs. They scurry up and across the ladder, and find the blinds closed for once.

They open the door and peer inside, and Chayanne jumps for joy as he sees both his dads inside. He runs and jumps up on the bed, a sleepy Missa grabbing him with one arm and pulling him close before turning back to sleep. Tallulah approaches more gently, scrambling quietly up. Still Philza's arms find her when she wiggles herself beneath the blanket.

Their dad - their dads - are here. It's later than normal, but they snuggle back in and return to sleep in the morning light.

[gellavonhamster]

assigning each straw hat pirate a knight of the round table

because I am currently obsessed both with One Piece and Arthuriana; not any kind of serious AU material, just silliness; I Wrote This for Me but You Can Read If You Like

Luffy: Arthur, not due to any similarities in characterization but purely on the functional level - the boy king, the inspirational leader and, as Sun God Nika, a mythical figure believed to return when people need him the most

Zoro: Lancelot, the perfect warrior who embodies that post that's like "it's not my fault that my love language is acts of service and all I know how to do is kill". There is no Queen Guinevere here, so all the undying devotion is aimed at the king instead. Canonically has massive tits. Mihawk is thus implied to be the Lady of the Lake, and I think that's hilarious

Nami: hear me out: Kay. Sharp-tongued, rather cynical, but loyal to a fault to his king/adopted little brother. Nami as part of the Coward Trio vs. Kay being unlucky on quests and generally the butt of the joke. Isn't known to be a great warrior but occupies an important position (navigator vs. seneschal) that keeps the ship/court going. Besides, looking from the opposite direction, I just think Kay deserves to be the hot girl

Usopp: Usopp, sweetie, I'm so sorry, but I gotta say Tristan. Because Tristan is constantly lying about his identity in the most ridiculous manner possible and it somehow works. That part in Le Morte d'Arthur when he's asked what his name is and goes "Tramtrist" and no one suspects a thing even though "Tramtrist" is just "Tristram" with syllables switched around has big Sniper King energy. Also, can't forget the beautiful blonde healer girlfriend

Sanji: oh, that's the easiest one. Gawain. The Maidens' Knight, the ladies' man, a great warrior and one of the king's closest and most trusted men. If you put together Gawain's characterizations from different texts, from SGATGK to Le Morte to the Vulgate & Post-Vulgate to Chrétien de Troyes to everything, you end up with a contradictory character who is simultaneously the best and the worst guy you'll ever meet, which is how I often feel about Sanji, tbh. Would totally fight at a tournament on behalf of a little girl. Has some kind of an epic gay thing with Lancelot

Chopper: Yvain. Son of a sorceress - ah, pardon, a woman of science; associated with animals; known to be nice and kind (the Vulgate Cycle describes him as the one "whose heart will be filled with every kindness"). Occasionally goes insane in the woods (Monster Point), but, like, who doesn't

Robin: try as I might, I can't pull any direct parallels out of my ass, but I do think that narratively she can be seen as kind of a quasi-Mordred. Since her very childhood she was proclaimed to be bad news and expected to eventually cause a catastrophe, but where Mordred, whom no one tries to persuade the prophecy doesn't define him, ends up becoming exactly what he's expected to become, Robin has people who support her and trust her even after witnessing her be the bad guy in the past, so she never becomes the evil others expect her to turn into

Franky: Sagramore the Desirous (or the Unruly, depending on the text/translation) is a big, strong, good-natured knight who probably has low blood sugar needs to have a snack after fighting because otherwise he'll pass out, much like a certain cyborg needs his cola. In the Post-Vulgate, he and Mordred were raised together, which can be linked to Frobin's fates being intertwined since childhood, because I've Connected the Dots (you didn't connect shit)

Brook: I wanted to pick a character of the older generation who nevertheless isn't a mentor figure to Arthur, and I struggle to think of a better option than Pellinore - not the predatory piece of shit in the medieval texts, but the eccentric but loveable old man in Camelot (1967). Brook is also on a quest focused on an extraordinary beast! Only he's not hunting it, he's trying to get back to it because that beast is his friend 🥺

Jinbei: I honestly don't remember if he counts as the Knight of the Round Table, but I am hereby appointing him Ector - Arthur's adoptive father and one of the nicest parental figures in Arthuriana (and probably one of the nicest people in Arthuriana, period). I've also considered Galehaut for the "(partially) non-human ruler who allies himself with Arthur" angle, but that would imply Jinbei/Zoro and I'm not ready to deal with that.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Isn't It Difficult Enough to Be Born Poor?

Once again, I must start this post out by saying...Fuck you @respectthepetty. You did this to me, I currently have eleven (11)...ELEVEN (this will be 12) long as all hell analysis posts about Moonlight Chicken and at least half of them are your fault. Because you started posting about colors and then I had to start thinking about my feelings when I watched television. And here we are. If you are worried about what your legacy will be as a role model. Don't be. Your legacy has been talking about colors so much you have converted half the interest in to color analysts. This one isn't about color though, I just needed to curse you out for creating an analysis demon.

All that said, let's get in to Jim and Li Ming this episode.

So, Li Ming has just had a very emotionally draining conversation with his mother, and he is trying desperately to leave the house and just go, go anywhere cause Heart's not home, when Jim comes waltzing in and accidentally blocking his exit. "Where are you going now?" and GOD LI MING DOES NOT HAVE FUCKING TIME FOR THIS.

The most exasperated face to date. But it's not really Jim's fault that Li Ming is acting like this, he's just a casualty of war. A safe vessel that will hold all Li Ming's emotions.

"Outside." "Where?" "Don't know yet," "What do you mean?"

Guess who's making eye contact again after a conversation with his mother where he very rarely looked in her direction????

Side note: I love this line "I haven't decided where I want to be yet," because it can be relevant to so many things and is a foundational theme of this episode, with no one acting on the choices they have before them until Gaipa's mother dies

"Then stay home and study," and here we go, another adult, telling him what to do, not being there for the conversation beforehand and having no idea they are plucking at an already frayed cord.

"I'm going to Heart's home," he tries to leave, Jim stops him.

Li Ming already knows exactly what Jim is implying here. But his mother is home, and he's already exhausted, and he just...he just wants to leave. But he's not afraid, he's calm, if annoyed.

He's happy to entertain the conversation, just not right now. Right now he is tired, and he just wants some time alone, some time with Heart.

Jim, once again, does not respect Li Ming's question, and forges ahead, because he needs to know, needs to confirm his fears.

Get, his ass Li Ming! To me, it helps so much prevent a fundamental breakdown in Li Ming and Jim's relationship here to have Li Ming know that Jim is gay as well. I think that knowledge, coupled with the exhaustion he is already feeling, just lets the rest of this conversation go over surprisingly smoothly.

"Li Ming, I'm your uncle," "Adults can do no wrong? Adults can kiss but kids can't? Is it the wrong thing to do? Is the world coming to an end?"

For Jim? The answer feels like a yes. Because Jim grew up in a very differently world than Li Ming has. He has internalized so much homophobia, not just from society but from his own sister, the person he had to rely on the most when he was young. A person whose opinions are very clearly shown to matter to Jim. Everything Jim has repeated so far in this show that is homophobic is a direct quote from his sister.

To Jim being gay has made life so much harder for him. Hell, he himself was a victim of the legal system, with Beam's family taking all the money he and Beam had saved, because gay marriage is not recognized so they could not open a joint bank account and everything was in Beam's name. This is a very real struggle, and a possibility Li Ming himself could face one day. A reality that Li Ming has no concept of because he's eighteen, and he hasn't lived his life yet, he hasn't faced society the same way Jim has...

But to Li Ming? Being gay isn't a big deal. Because Li Ming was raised by an openly queer man. Even if Jim is far more careful and restrained about showing physical affection or giving too much attention to Wen men in public, his friends all know. Leng teases him about it, Leng teases Gaipa about it. Jam knows about Jim. Beam's family knew. Wen literally walked in to Li Ming's room the night Wen and Jim had their "one night stand". Li Ming knows Jim is gay.

So while Jim and Beam were navigating being queer even just ten, twenty years ago with no one obviously queer elders around them to guide them, Li Ming has grown up around multiple queer seniors, one of whom is his uncle. Of course he has an entirely different perception of how significant it is to be gay. He had nothing but positive queer role models around him to guide him as he grew. Role models who were open. And I love the post from @respectthepetty and this post from @heart-ming that talk about the pressure Jim puts on himself, especially after he realizes that Li Ming is gay. All he can think about is every way that he has failed, when the fact that Li Ming is able to say so casually, so quietly, with a touch of disgust on his face: "So what? What's the big deal [that I'm gay]?" proves that he has succeeded at being a queer role model. Because Li Ming does not hate his queerness.

I love this shot once Li Ming leaves, because there is a moment of recognition. Oh shit, Jam is here.

Followed by Oh shit, I outed Li Ming to his (historically homophobic) Mom. Yet another thing for him to be able to blame himself for.

Something that I have really appreciated about the two Fourth and Gemini shows from this year, is that in both of them, the children are spared from their own parent's ignorance. Li Ming does not know he has been outed to his mother, and he will not hear her say the homophobic things. Jim is the one that will carry that weight. He is the one that will address her concerns, and tell her she is wrong. Li Ming does not need to experience that.

"Was it my fault I left my child in your care?"

YEAH JAM. GIVE HIM A BREAK, HE'S FUCKING RAISED YOUR CHILD FOR YOU.

And God this moment sucks so bad because you know that she is voicing his worst fear. He already blames himself, the sentiment Jam states, and Jim repeats "Li Ming might not have become gay if he didn't live with me," that is 100% what I knew Jim was thinking in this moment in Episode 6. "oh shit, Jam is gonna tell me that I rubbed off on him,"

And it's so interesting to me the way they placed the sequence of events in Episode 7, Jim talks to Jam and Jam asks if she can blame Jim for Li Ming being gay because he wasn't gay when he lived with Jam, and JIM IS IN THAT MOMENT ABLE TO BE LIKE "what if he was that before living with me?", "What's the point of placing blame? He does nothing wrong."

When confronted with ignorance, he is able to stand up against it, speak out about it, and confront his sister's biases. But when he goes to see Wen, he repeats the same thing she did "Li Ming might not have become gay if he didn't live with me,"

Also, best part of the talk between Jim and Jam was this moment:

Jim is finally starting to listen to his nephew's wishes. He will not make a decision as big as having Li Ming move back in with his mother. He understands that Li Ming needs to choose this. And, I will note that this is a conversation she has already asked Li Ming about, and she didn't get the answer she wanted so she has resorted to asking the family member Li Ming loves and trusts to get him to change his mind. And she holds the deed title over Jim's head about it, trying to give him the ultimatum that he can only get the deed if he helps her rob Li Ming of even more of his autonomy. And Jim finally says no. "Don't do this" he begs, and at the end of the episode he returns the deed to Jam.

Cut to soon-to-be-father Leng, talking about how expensive it is to have and raise a child. And this is something Li Ming is painfully aware of in his own right, he's held Jim's "I pay your tuition" statement right back over his head. Li Ming is aware that Jim is struggling to make ends meet, he's aware that they live in poverty.

"Don't have kids," Leng says, only partly joking, but with a smile on his face. And Li Ming has just come from a terrible conversation with his mother where he was faced with the thought of actually having to leave Jim to go back to a home he didn't used to be wanted in. "Did you ever consider abortion?" is a very answer-seeking question, it's intentional, and it's not about Leng, it's about Li "I didn't ask to be born" Ming. Leng is honest "I thought about it, but Praew's parents want a grandchild so I'm okay ot have this baby. But I can barely make it through the day, how am I supposed to raise a child?" and I think that is a wake up call for Li Ming in a way.

Jim is his parent. Jim is barely making it through the day. How is Jim supposed to raise Li Ming? No one knows, but he does it. And he does it cause he loves Li Ming.

To preface this, if Li Ming ends up going to America and doing the Work and Travel thing, I am completely fine with that, but I am on the Interpreter!Li Ming train so I at the very least want a seedling of doubt to be planted in Li Ming's mind. And I am choosing to believe it is this moment. Right after Li Ming is faced with the actual, very real potential threat of having to leave Pattaya, Heart, Jim, his community here, he asks Leng if he would still want to stay with his parents if they were alive. Leng says "Probably not. Everyone has their own life to live. And parents cannot be with us forever," (I see you P'Aof and P'Best, you evil evil motherfuckers)

This is Li Ming's face after Leng makes that comment. That boy is haunted and that boy is thinking. The wheels are turning. He is evaluating.

Cut to Wen and Jim. "What fight did you have with your nephew?" is literally the first question Wen asks when Jim shows up at his apartment. And I both love and hate that Wen so often has to act as the go-between. I mean from the sense that he is between the two generations and can be respected at both ends of it, it's great, and it's nice that we establish that Li Ming trusts, values, and listens to Wen, that Wen fits in this family. On the down side, I really wish Li Ming knew and could see how many times Jim has sought out council to better understand his son nephew.

Heart is Li Ming's safe zone when he feels misunderstood, Wen is Jim's.

Jim gets done denying everything his sister said, telling her she is wrong, that being gay does not work like that, that there is no one to blame, but he internalized that shit and immediately went to Wen to try to process his feelings.

"I can't help blaming myself for it. Li Ming might not have become gay if he didn't live with me."

"How come Saleng is straight? He's been with you for a long time as well. Trust me it has nothing to do with you."

We need this scene to explain Jim's behavior. To show the struggles he is having with his internalized homophobia. To how how deeply he loves and looks up to his family. That he catches and carries the shame, the guilt, the blame of his queerness when it's called in to question by his sister. But that he is able to recognize and shed that shame when Wen asks him very simple questions. Because he knows the answer to them, you can't catch queerness, Li Ming isn't gay because of Jim, in fact, Jim being queer was a protective factor in Li Ming's own relationship to his queerness.

"And what era are we in now?" Wen says "No one really looks for reasons why people are gay anymore."

That is the question of the hour for Jim isn't it? What era are we in now? Jim is stuck in the past. He is trapped under decades of struggle and strife, and the behavior he had to have to survive. He is shifting his paradigm, slowly but surely, and this is the question that Jim will need to answer for himself in order to better understand his nephew and in order to shed some of the weight he carries.

"What era are we in now?"

Not Jim's era. We're in an era of change.

Jim does not remove Wen's hand. We are in an era of change.

"You are gay, aren't you? Why can't you accept your nephew is gay?"

"I can accept that. I'm just worried about him,"

This is Jim's fundamental character trait in his relationship with Li Ming. He's just worried about him.

"You do know that it's not easy being gay in this country. I can't see how he is able to lead a good life."

We are in an era of change.

"If [Li Ming] wants to tell someone you will hear it before me, trust me," Jim says.

"Because you are strict,"

Li Ming has been telling him this from the beginning, but that's his child, and it's difficult to give up that need to protect him. We are in an era of change. It is time for Jim to accept that Li Ming is growing up, and he has to start seeing Li Ming as an adult if he wants Li Ming to trust him.

So it's time to listen:

"No,"

"Why?"

"I hadn't seen her in 5 or 6 years. Out of the blue she showed up and told me she loves me. Do you expect me to love her back just like that?"

"Can't you love her simply because she is your mother?" Jim certainly loves her just because she is his sister. Even though she's hurt him. Even though the blame he places on himself, the internalized homophobia, all of that comes from her.

"I know I owe her gratitude. But being a mother or father should not be an excuse for everything,"

Li Ming is smart in this way, he is showing Jim that he has opinions, he has justifications for his behavior, and they go against tradition, sure, but that has always been li Ming's thing. Why do powerful people have the right to hurt us? Why do I have to love someone who's hurt me?

"But I think your mother loves you too,"

"Love can't be forced, right? Just because she gave birth to me, must I love her back? If you ask me if I love you or not, I can answer that more easily,"

"I can easily say that I love you,"

Moonlight Chicken is a show about family, found or otherwise. Li Ming has shown his love for his uncle repeatedly in this show. In the way he steps up to take responsibility for the broken alcohol so Jim doesn't have to stress about money. In the way he listens to Jim and calms down when his emotions get too out of control. In the way he shows up for Jim's birthday party even though they fought. In the way he always looks Jim in the eye. But he hasn't said the words "I love you," to Jim, not since we've been following them at least.

Jim gives Li Ming a olive branch beer.

"Get a taste of being an adult," WE DID IT FOLKS! WE GOT THERE!!! JIM HAS FINALLY DONE IT, HE HAS FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT LI MING HAS BEEN ASKING FOR THE ENTIRE GODDAMN TIME!!!! *airhorn noises*

And because this is literally all Li Ming has been wanting, the apologies, the trust, the honesty, the willingness and need to explain, to help Jim better understand his actions follows quickly. And Jim reciprocates that gift with his own, "I wasn't mad at you for the cigarette, I was mad at myself for demonstrating that behavior,"

"What about Heart?" he teases "Have you tried him out already so you know you like him?" and it's not really an apology, but it doesn't have to be. Because I do think Li Ming understands where Jim was coming from, it's difficult to be gay. Uncle Jim is worried about him. But this, again, is Jim's way of showing Li Ming he is on board with their relationship. He is teasing him, and they are back to their regularly scheduled program after this.

God, Jim loves his nephew so much. And God, this is the happiest and most carefree that I have seen Li Ming be outside of when he's spending time with Heart.

[alectoperdita]

Hoho, spontaneous ask!

Seto and Katsuya (mob version) are so devoted, possessive, almost worshipful in Jou's case (🥰) but they both are clearly partially tied up in nostalgia/romaticism over their past together.

Which made me wonder, what behaviors/habits/etc are they ignoring or rosetinted-glasses-overlooking in the other that they would otherwise be put off by? Petty or significant ig hehe

I think the biggest one they're both Actively Ignoring is the fact Katsuya is a current and active criminal. Or if he's not directly breaking the law, he's knowingly facilitating it at Mega because there's drug dealing there. Seto may not know all the details. They both agreed the less Seto knows, the better. For Seto, it's likely a professional conflict of interest. For Katsuya, it's because he is kinda ashamed of who he is, compared to Seto. If it were anyone else, that kind of small-time criminal would be a dealbreaker for Seto.

This isn't to suggest that Seto only dates the most law-abiding and upstanding citizen. He doesn't. (I haven't fleshed out the details but I have the feeling Seto's exes aren't the nicest people, probably a bit insufferable lol). He's morally gray, or at least comfortably self-interested. But there's a world of difference between being with a possible white-collar criminal (because who in the corporate world isn't some shade of that once you go high enough on the ladder) and someone who deals drugs/loansharks.

Instead, they are both very much Ignoring all the complications that might arise from Katsuya's job/position (because it's not like Katsuya gets to just leave the yakuza either) and everything is Okay as long as Katsuya doesn't get caught or get in trouble otherwise.

As for Katsuya re: Seto, that's harder for me to put my finger on. The main one might be Seto's general inaccessibility in his day-to-day life. Katsuya's not dated-dated many people (having been in prison for so long recently hasn't helped) but his numerous flings before and after prison were often people that ran adjacent to the circles he's already in. At least the women. Katsuya's gay flings are shorter-lived and often one-night stands picked up in areas of the city where he's not likely to run into familiar faces (on account of being in the closet). Seto is the only man he's meaningfully dated in years, so that really skews Katsuya's sense of what he wants in a relationship with another man.

Otherwise, they share many of the same vices: smoking and heavy drinking. So hard to fault the other person for doing that if you're already doing it.

Oh! Seto's jealousy is only endearing to Katsuya because it's Seto. Otherwise, Katsuya might find it clingy or offputting from another person.

I hope that makes sense. 😂

[ars-matron]

The Tarot Sequence Reread

Nothing has given me brain rot in a long while like the Tarot Sequence by K D Edwards has. And since I just finished reading all the supplemental stuff right when my hold for The Last Sun came back up I thought I would do something I have only done once before-and in a much less flattering way for a book I hated-and live blog my reread.

There's just so much in this series I need to pay closer attention to. And usually I would go on here and read some metas, but there is literally nothing!! The only things in the tags for this series is people wishing there were more people reading it, a handful of very wonderful fanarts, and an account of the decline of a discord that evidently used to exist for it. So, maybe this will encourage some people to read the books too.

Because there are some heavy topics in this series anytime I talk about such topics I will tag for them, but if they don't come up in the chapters I'm reviewing, I won't. So if you have certain things back listed you might not see all my posts on it. Anyone who is reading along and is curious about it can DM me.

NOW! Predictions and things I want to pay attention to under the cut for spoiler reasons.

The Tower. At the end of the prologue of the first book my thoughts were, " So we trust NO ONE!!" Except Queenie, because why would Rune and Brand live with her if she was evil? Then the children showed up and I had to trust them, they were too young to be part of the, whole thing, plus they are so cute. You have to trust them. And then Addam came along, and of course we trust him, he's an Addam, he's a giant dancing teddy bear and I love him! So I read the whole series (that's out so far) expecting we would find out the Tower was an evil guy, that he had had something to do with the fall of the Sun Throne. Honestly by the end of the third book I didn't think that any longer, and I was starting to before that after finding out he was also Qunn's godfather because!!! There is no way Qunn wouldn't have seen if the Tower revealed he had been a part of all that. (I'm still asking myself HOW exactly he or Mayan wouldn't have noticed an astral projection listening device being installed in Rune's room at their freaking tower that is super locked down! But then it happened for two other locations that were supposed to be super warded and protected my other companions too. So maybe it isn't his fault. I do think he might blame himself, I do think that some of his stand-offishness might also be guilt for not being able to stop the attack on the Sun Throne to start with. We will see...) I'm going to go into this read through with the assumption he is just lonely and sad and not a bad guy.

QUEENIE!!!! Because, WHO THE FUCK IS QUEENIE!? I was already suspicious because every time someone asks Rune and Brand where she came from, or how long she's been with them, they say "She's been with us forever." Every time! It reeks of mind fuckery. Then Eidolon and the epilogue that wasn't came along. Current theory is that she is the Empress, and also that she's probably Rune's mother. I would be willing to bet she was the woman at the end of the third book who spoke up to the river after everyone else. Edwards did a good job of making her disappear in the background, but I'm gonna be hunting for every mention of her and how she acts around everyone.

Ciaran, just because I love him and at first also suspected him of evil deeds. But he's just your gay vodka uncle and he loves all his adopted family so much and I just want to keep a closer on him at the start of the series.

Kellum. We only see him once in the second book, but he's mentioned in Eidolon by the Fool (Or Queenie pretending to be the Fool, again I'm not sure, there's Queenie interference for sure) And he was in one of the supplemental novellas. I think he will be making a bigger appearance in the next book.

Quinn's prophecies. I'll probably make a list of those for a separate master post.

Tallas. The Atlantean soul mates. This is a MAJOR spoiler. Rune says that Brand and he formed a talla bond the night of the attack. That it was what brought Brand out of the geas and got them to safety. The bond was gone when he woke up in the hospital and he's spent this whole time thinking he's somehow broken their talla bond. Something definitely happened between him and Addam in the Westlands, and I don't think Addam was wrong in assuming it was the budding of a talla bond. Because something sort of bond-like is also there now after the Hourglass Throne, after he used his bond with Brand to get him and Addam back to their time. My theory here is that they might be each other tallas, all three of them. Together. We know that it doesn't have to be a sexual relationship, though I don't think Addam would mind that one bit. Everything is pointing to the three of them being tied together somehow, and my theory is mostly that, before they were together together, no one talla bond could form and take precedence over the other. Now that they are together all the time, going on missions, living together, they have more opportunities for a bond to fully form and take hold. Assuming it involves all three of them.

And with that, I'm going to go read!

[love-triangles-au]

Gotta know, which Triangle is needier?

(Mod Minty let me steal her art for today's edition of the gay geometry channel. Say "thanks Minty for letting us see your gorgeous art!")

Bill, by a longshot!

Y'see, when he eventually realized that he actually does kind of give a crap about Venuz, he became aware of something: oh, no, a whole lot of people want my loved one dead. Sound familiar?

With that realization comes an immediate (and in his mind extremely embarrassing) trauma response. The last time he loved someone, they were taken from him brutally and unfairly, and the very nature of Venuz being the Gun God means that he is destined to eventually be succeeded.

Now, rationally, what happened to Liam was not at all Bill's fault -- his big brother was basically doomed from the moment he was born -- but as we all know trauma loves to make no sense. Because Liam was taken away while Bill was out, a part of him feels like if he had just been there maybe he could've done something.

And so we begin what we've dubbed the "separation anxiety arc".

He tries to bottle it up, god knows he does, because if Bill's good at anything it's pretending like everything's okay, but the moment Venuz goes to walk out the door it's like being hit with a bolt of lightning made of "what-if"s.

Luckily for him, the first couple times Venuz can just stay home or take him with him. Frankly, more often than not he goes to work as more of a way to keep the day interesting than anything else, but eventually it becomes clear that this is a serious problem.

The more the behaviour is enabled, the worse it gets, and the worse it gets the less Bill's excuses for his behaviour add up. Eventually, he lets it slip.

Once Venuz is aware, it begins to stress him out because there's nothing he can really do to help and he hates seeing Bill so uncharacteristically afraid. All he can really do is distract him at best, because he doesn't know any other way.

And then, one day, he has a lightbulb moment: vacation time! Far away planet (I dunno why but I've leaned towards Io, one of Jupiter's moons), no mortals, no guns. Bill really, really likes this idea, and so they hop in one of Venuz's 50 cars and, when they arrive, Bill finally feels a little better again.

Now, Bill doesn't have very much. As far as he's concerned, he's got his Veeny with him and they're perfectly safe right here. So, he basically pitches that they just stay there forever and live happily ever after.

But, they can't, and here's where another piece of our Gun God lore pops up.

The Gun God's power is tied to Venus itself, and he can't be away from the planet for too long without his powers fading. This prevents the Gun God from just dipping and living out in the deep recesses of space for all eternity, keeps the machine running so to speak.

So, they have to eventually go back.

We haven't got much further than this, but the current thoughts are that anxiety does get better with time (I have an anxiety disorder and know this firsthand), so that will likely ease him a little eventually.

BUT, where things get muddy here is that what Bill's afraid of isn't entirely irrational. Venuz is gonna get into gunfights, people are gonna come try to kill him, it's unavoidable. Thankfully, each Gun God tends to rule for a longer period of time than the last, because his skills only get better with each iteration. So, Venuz is very likely to keep his position for a couple thousand years at the least. But, the chance of him meeting an early demise is never zero.

I think the only way he's gonna get through this is if Venuz helps him through it, and even then I don't think it ever entirely goes away; dude's got like a trillion years worth of suppressed trauma, that doesn't just heal overnight. I think if Venuz is able to consistently prove that he's the best gunman on the planet that will gradually make Bill feel a bit better, but it would need to be consistent, like maybe Bill watches him train every day.

And, okay, when I said we hadn't gotten much further than this, that was kind of a lie; Bill's post-marriage activities very much revolve around this anxiety he feels around losing the fabled Only Guy He Cares About™.

With inclusion into the Yung family, he also becomes immortal and gains Venuz's powers. So, what's the logical thing to do with this newfound power, then? Begin an underground criminal organization dedicated to snuffing out possible competition before it can get to Venuz, of course!

The return of some of his power gives him the confidence that he can protect Venuz himself and that's when he forms his whole mafia operation. And, of course, Bill always thinks he's the smartest guy in the room, so he's often able to fool himself into thinking his plans are air-tight and cannot possibly fail and that suppresses his anxiety as well.

However, he does still sometimes have the occasional moments of doubt that result in full little kid meltdowns. He still needs occasional blanket time to calm down.

~ Mod Emily 🦇

P.S.: Sorry for the slowness on asks right now! It usually means we're wanting to draw something for it, so sit tight; we see you! :D

[asexualaromanticblog]

Shit, I'm Aro Ace!

When I watched Season 2 of Heartstopper, as mentioned in my previous post, I discovered the existence of asexuality and aromanticism (no spoilers!!).

I realised, maybe, just maybe, there was a small chance that I was asexual and aromantic.

The fact that I had not realised before was greatly due to the fact that aro ace people have little to no media visibility. I didn't know I could be aro ace because, quite frankly, I did not know anything of the sort existed. And because nobody close to me knew about it either, I had not been extremely englightened on the topic. My parents are homophobic. A lot of my classmates are too. Nobody spoke of LGBTQ+ unless it was to insult something related. Of my frieinds, many of whom identified as something on the LGBT spectrum (all the school gays happen to get on) only one is aro ace, and didn't talk about it until I came out to them (non-binary) because they realised around the same time as myself.

I love Game of Thrones. Now, I know Varys is asexual (and yes, his asexuality predated him being an eunuch). Unfortunately (and this is cimpletely my fault, I only read up to book 4 and an currently trying to convince myself to start watching Season 2. He is the first asexual character I have found on TV other than one of the ones in Heartstopper.

Then there is Loveless, also my Alice Oseman. Revolves around an asexual girl. And though I have read much better books (sorry, Alice), I must say that it is one of my favourites simply because of the fact that its main character is asexual.

And to many aro ace people, including myself, one of the main fears is that we will be alone the rest of our lives, incapable of finding love.

I shared this fear when I discovered my sexuality. And I want tp tell you all that this is NOT TRUE.

Yes, we will not have a bf/gf. We will probably not get married. (If you are only ace this si different). The difference is that we do not feel the NEED to do any of this.

But we are not alone. We have friends. We have family. We can still adopt kids, and if you think raising them alone is a bruden, just look at all the single mothers out there.

We can find love. Love surrounds us everywhere. It just isn't the pasisonate, soul-consuming, burning love that allosexuals often feel. But we do have love. Yes, we don't fall in love, not romantically or sexually at least, but we have love around us everywhere nontheless.

It took me a while to appreciate it. But let me give you all a piece of advice. If you realise you're aro or ace, instead of trying to supress it for fear of being alone, appreciate what you have. Anything else will cimply cause you more pain than what you need or deserve.

[wiccawrites]

KINNPORSCHE BODYSWAP AU ||

AU where kinnporsche are sons of two of Thailand's most affluent families!! The Theerapanyakuls are old rich but recently struggling -- they've got a good name but their business isn't as flourishing as it once was and it's steadily shrinking. On the other hand, the Kittisawats are new rich. They made it big in the software industry just a decade ago and now they're easily one of the richest families in the country.

Kinn and Porsche are both next in line to inherit their respective businesses but the way they were raised are night and day. Kinn was raised under Korn's iron hand and he's a middle child to top it all off. Meanwhile Porsche is smart but generally unserious -- he's outgoing and a free spirit!

They grew up as rivals. Porsche has gone out of his way to tease Kinn ever since they were little. Kinn is one of the few people that can get Porsche to take things seriously -- mostly because Porsche likes competing with Kinn and trying to see if he can ruin Kinn's day by winning.

Anyway Something Happens™ (idk what, let's say the gay stars align for now) and they end up switching bodies with no way of switching back. 

This is a problem because Kinn's engaged to be married in a week and there is no fucking way Porsche is sleeping with Kinn's blander-than-hotel-wallpaper fiance. He's adamant about it and he doesn't understand how Kinn could throw his whole life away for a business. 

Kinn honestly didn't like his fiance as well but Korn had been breathing down his neck about getting married for the sake of expanding the business for literal years now. And his fiance was from a really good background. If he breaks off the engagement, especially this late in the game, he'll disgrace the family name. He tells Porsche as much. 

That's when Porsche gets the idea. 

Since they're in each other's bodies, Porsche can just break the engagement off as Kinn. He thinks that if he delivers an impassioned speech standing up for himself (well, for Kinn technically), Korn will eventually have to understand.

After all, Porsche knew he had a way with words. What could go wrong? 

A lot, apparently. 

Porsche does as planned during Kinn's engagement party and Korn is livid. He's never seen the man turn that shade of red before. Korn is a breath away from publicly disowning Kinn until the real Kinn takes Porsche's hand and apologizes for not being brave enough to do the right thing. 

Suddenly, Porsche catches himself looking at Kinn. He's grateful they can see each other for who they truly are because it would be weird if Porsche looked at Kinn and instead saw himself right now.

Because Kinn is making up a story about how he and Porsche have been secretly dating on and off for years and throughout Kinn's engagement. And he's being loud about it. People are staring. In fact, Porsche is sure the only reason no one is doing anything is because the story is, well, it's juicy.

"Please believe me when I say it's all my fault for being a coward," Kinn says in a tone that has everyone hanging onto his every word. He turns to Porsche, and then he gets on one knee. "Kinn, I'm sorry for taking so long to realize that you're the person I've been waiting for all my life. You're the one who loves me, and I'm the one who loves you most. Will you marry me?"

Porsche wonders how the fuck Kinn came up with all this shit on the spot. 

Because it's genius.

The Kittisawats were currently the third richest family in Thailand. Korn would be a fool to force his son to go through with his existing engagement now. Not to mention, the press would eat the whole romance angle up. And being engaged would give Kinn and Porsche the chance to cover for each other while they figure out how the fuck they can go back to their own bodies.

God, Kinn was brilliant. Porsche could kiss him.

Porsche blinks. Actually, that wasn't a bad idea at all. Everyone was watching. The better they sold this lie, the more time they'd get to fix things.

Throwing all caution to the wind, Porsche kneels so that he and Kinn are eye-to-eye. A relieved smile breaks through his face as he loops his arms around Kinn's shoulders.

"Yes," Porsche whispers before he seals their lips together.

If his heart skips a few beats, that's only because he's never been into public displays of affection.

[vamp-stamp-fics]

Th Black phone Headcanons

Fandom: the black phone

Tags: hcs, fluff, some angst on Vances hcs

Word count: 1192

A/n: I've been hyperfixated on this movie for at least a month and I'm finally posting about it. these are some of the Headcanons I have for the black phone currently. I'll probably make a part 2

Sexuality hcs don't shit on me for this. If you don't like the thought of gay people in the 70s personally evaluate and ask why the hell you're mad

• Finney - bisexual

Gwen - an aggressive straight Ally. She'll pop anyone in the mouth that disrespects Finney she already does but she'll do it twice as hard if it's cus his sexuality

Robin - homie kisser

Vance - another homie kisser (they're just like me fr)

Bruce - bisexual

Griffin - either unlabeled or straight. On one hand he seems the type to not care what your gender is he just likes you but on the other I don't see him liking boys so idk I'm still contemplating

Billy - straight Ally (I'm sorry but I don't see him liking dudes romanticly. Ik I'm crushing every Biffin shipper rn 💀)

• Finn's favorite color is blue

• Robin's favorite color is green

• Gwen's favorite color is pastel pink. She always tells Finney that Yes there's a difference between pastel pink and regular pink

• Vances favorite color is also blue but he likes more darker blues while finney likes lighter blues

• Billy's favorite color is red

• Griffins favorite color is orange

• Gwen did ballet when she was around 7 but stopped doing it when her mom died

• Gwens favorite book series is Nancy Drew & her favorite movie is wizard of oz

• Billy & Griffin are absolute little shits together. Billy's the shit talker Griffin's the instigator

• Vance violently brushes his teeth. Like the bristles on the brush are flared 💀

• Bruce is an avid Michael Jackson enjoyer so is Robin

• Robin is a absolute horror nut. (In a modern au he'd love analog horror the walten files I feel he'd especially like. Also in a modern au he'd force Finney to play fnaf with him) besides Texas chainsaw massacre he definitely likes Halloween & Friday the 13th (if he was still alive that is 💀)

Rip Robin you would've loved Rob zombie ✊😔

• Vance is constantly getting into arguments with his teacher in one way or another. The only teacher that isn't on his ass is his English teacher which is his favorite. She's basically like a 2nd mother to him of course he'd never tell her that. He acts all tough in that class but the minute everyone leaves he somewhat dials it back when she tells Vance he did well today and he actually got a passing grade on one of his tests totally not projecting here

• Vance: "ur mom"

Finney: "my mom's dead"

Vance: "damn my fault 💀"

• Billys dogs name is Goldie

• when star wars was realesed Finney absolutely loved the movies and dragged Robin to see them with him

• speaking of Star wars one Halloween Finney & Gwen dressed as Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia

• Vances childhood dog was a bloodhound

• Speaking of Vance he had a pretty rough childhood. I heard that he's a Canon mamas boy so I'm using that as well. He grew up with an abusive and alcoholic father who'd constantly abused him and his mom. He'd always tried to intervene and protect his mom causing him to get hurt. Afterwards his mother would just comfort him as best she could and tell that he shouldn't involve himself when his parents argued. His mom got so fed up with it that she left Vance and his dad when he was 8. She didn't want to leave him but she was so emotionally and mentally drained she just left on impulse. Vance doesn't exactly hate his mom for it cus he knows it probably would've been worse for her if she stayed, but a part of him does resent her for it and wonders sometimes why she couldn't just take him with her.

• the choker he wears was actually his mom's. it's the only thing he had that she left so it has pretty sentimental value.

• Vance has a 6 year old sister named Tara. When he went missing she was basically the only one looking for him. She'd go on her scooter after school everyday around the neighborhood and stay up late watching the news to see if she could get any information. Tara was up when the news stated he was found dead and cried knowing she'd never see her brother again.

Anyways sorry for the sad Vance hcs back to our regular scheduled programming

• Tara's just as foul mouthed and intimidating as her brother. The minute she talks it throws people off bc a little girl calling someone "fuckhead" is definitely something they weren't expecting. kicks anyone in the balls if they mess with Vance or his pinball machine. Gwen absolutely loves her and hangs out with her alot. She's basically like another older sibling for her. Whenever Vance is playing pinball she's either outside playing ball next to the Grab n Go or sitting next to him let's pretend there's a chair next to the pinball machine lol drawing in a coloring book.

• Vance refers to his dad as old man

• Vance love life is interesting to say the least. He doesn't feel like he needs a relationship but wouldn't mind having one. Tho he's not gonna be romantic at all about it 💀 i mean he's not gonna be a dick to his s/o and he'd try to be romantic but he's not gonna call them pet names and be all flowery. a date with Vance is just watching him play pinball tbh

• Vance either is in a band or wants to start one. If he hasn't started one yet he'd never admit to his friends that he wants to make one

• Vances favorite holiday is Halloween so is Robins cus he loves horror sm every year he and his friends wear costumes to scare kids trick or treating

• Modern au: Finney & Gwen don't have cable tv so if they wanna watch shows from CN, nickelodeon etc they go to Robins house (Totally not projecting again) Finney's favorite show is the amazing world of gumball Robins is regular show. Gwen's favorite show is Craig of the creek and her favorite character is Kelsey. When it comes to non cable tv Finney & Gwens favorite show is Mr Rogers neighborhood

• Modern Au: Finney watches game/film theory. Robin watches it with him sometimes but only if it's horror movie/video games

• Vance can't ride a bike for shit. His mom tried teaching him before she left but he couldn't get his balance

• Robin is a roller skating/skating pro. He can do different tricks and flips and Finney always wonders how he does it without busting his ass. One time Robin tried teaching him to skate and ended up falling. Robin found it funny until he saw the giant gash on his hand

• Gwen uses pinkie promises. She's aggressive with them too. she'll be holding her Pinky to Finn "YOU PROMISE? 😠" and he'll say "yeah yeah I promise 😒"

• Modern Au: Gwen has a rainbow loom and makes a shit load of bracelets. Has whole box full of them. She gave a few to Finney and Robin

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

So shit like this, shows me how inept people that vote blue are. You all think, "Well this thing is called "x" so it must be so". It's literally this meme in a nutshell:

Then there was the, "Inflation Reduction Act" which itself did almost nothing to reduce inflation and the only projected loss of inflation would be by a % and only by 2027. Trump was a New York Democrat. And he explained why he didn't run as one several times. And the reasoning was because the Dems would not have let him win. The same way they didn't let Bernie win. And policy wise, Trump and Bernie were not super far off. It's why when Bernie got gutted during the primaries, a lot of Bernie voters went Trump.

And just because Trump doesn't align with the new socialists doesn't mean he's not still a Dem at heart. Just means the modern Dem party keeps moving further and further left. Which if you want tyranny then keep voting for them. You'll get it soon enough. Oh and the prospect that I am "Only critical of Dems" and I "Promote Reps" is fucking stupid. I'm far less critical of Reps because I KNOW they are mostly stupid. But I will let the right criticize their own, and when Reps do something I'm very much slighted by I talk about it. Like when I complain about Abbott. And the only Reps that I promote are more libertarian party members while only being republican in name. And that's both Rand Paul and Ron Paul. Also Tulsi is a Dem I like. But I guess she's not Commie enough for your tastes. Because she's anti war and the modern dem party is extremely pro war.

Fact is. I only like Trump in so far as he protected our borders, pushed the Abraham Accords, and did his best with LYING generals at his side to pull us out of wars and bring our troops home. Of which I am ALL for because I'm a prior. Get my brothers and sisters out of these pointless wars. And out of these dangerous war torn countries that never stop fighting. Trump is a crass man who's self important to a fault. I'd never deny that. He has done some not great things in his past. But did he fly to Epstein's island dozens of times? Not according to flight logs. Bill Clinton on the other hand took several trips to said island. Bill Gates took several trips to his properties and I believe the island once or twice.

If you are going to come at me saying, "TRUMP'S RUNNING AS A REPUBLICAN SO HE"S NEVER BEEN A DEMOCRAT!", Well sorry just proves you can't parse words. Just because you don't see him as one doesn't mean he isn't one. He's not currently threatening to ban abortion. Most Reps would be. He's not threatening to ban Gay Marriage. Some Reps would be. Hence you miss the point. IE: You miss the forest for the trees. Reps are voting for Trump because the economy was good under him and he didn't want communism or socialism. And if you believe that there was no election meddling going on, you clearly didn't read Time Magazines, "The shadow campaign to save the election". In which they outline a number of things they did behind the scenes to make sure Trump could not win.

Many of which would be LEGALLY considered election meddling. Like IDK. Hiding the Biden laptop under "Misinformation". Which is funny because most modern "Misinformation" as reported by Dems and Mainstream Media just means, "4-6 months until proven true". Like the machines that DID flip votes. But the "Fact check" websites will tell you, "Well yes it did happen but we caught it and fixed it". Ok.......so it happened, meaning it could have happened to other machines, and no investigation was allowed to happen on those machines beyond, "Here you can look at it physically sitting on a pallet in shrink wrap and that's it". Yeah that's "Investigating" surely.

Yeah, if that had happened to Dems you'd still be shrieking to this day about a stolen election. But because you won, any and all funny business is reasonable and fine and shouldn't be investigated. Which tells me you don't care about fair elections you care about power. Because if you did care about fair elections, you'd have voted against policy changes that were against constitutional law. But unlike me (not a rep) you don't have morals. So long as you win and wield power like a weapon you don't care how you get there. And if that's the Democrat party I want nothing to do with it ever. Real things happened in 2020 that never got investigated. You don't give a fuck. Trumps voted blue most of his life. But in no true scotsman fashion, he's "Not a Democrat because he's not aligned with my idea of modern Dems". Spare me.

All communists should be purged. You aren't people so much as I'm concerned. You're a cancer on this earth. And modern Dems are basically Communists. Certainly not all. But far too many.

Oh and "Our enemies are trying to get Reps elected. Oh so Reps like Bernie Sander and Jill Stein?

And this is only one report. Several others actually claim that Hillary was in fact aided by Russia herself. Sadly the MSM doesn't care about it and buries it because it's damaging to their narrative of "Trump is Super Hitler". Get over yourselves. Your party is currently flooding the US with illegals and putting US citizens on the back burner.

[taylortheanimerangerteen]

📓 :]

I promise I didn't forget about this

I just, haven't been on my main in a while.

Versa brainrot. Rn everything is pretty chill in versa so main blog time for a while.

Anyways!!

Do I got the fic for you!!!!

I did actually start writing this one but I have like... 2 sentences down for the prologue which isn't even the start of the fic in its full entirety?

Anyways!!

It's an Oakster fic, because Jodie my beloved and because the idea of Henry and Jodie kissing is very silly /pos

Also, because the two non-humans of the group? Yes

Anyways

So this au does ignore my hc of Zhao and Jodie being fully separate, for good reasons though (gay reasons)

So Hen(ry) makes a contract with Zhao. Ring to show the contract being made. The basic idea of the contract is like "Zhao will stay by my side until the very end." Not literally by his side, but yeah.

Zhao gets trapped in the battle axe (which was done because Barry hates him in this au, so it is Barry's fault in this au)

Then Hen(ry) goes to Earth, Zhao's soul follows Henry ofc.

Zhao goes into Jodie Foster's body, them becoming basically one in the same (aka me ignoring my usual hcs, for good reasons tho) [also like, Zhao's memories are still repressed, along with Jodie's demon traits]

I say the demon traits are repressed, the physical traits are at least (horns, wings, tail)! The others aren't!!!

He got sharp teeth, needs more sugar and meat and all my usual Jodie demon bullshit!!

Anyways!

To the actual first chapter (and about the most I have about stuff)

So Jodie goes to the grocery store after a bad day at work (this is the Close timeline so I don't need to explain that day)

So, he bumps into Henry, apologizes and all.

He asks Henry about what he is making, and Henry suggests that he text the recipe to Jodie. So Jodie and Henry exchange phone numbers, becoming acquaintances and all.

They become friends kind of fast. Jodie actually quits his job soon after that whole day, mostly because work was becoming too stressful for him.

At some point, Jodie and Mercedes met. And at another point, Jodie meets the twins. Hopefully, around the end of the chapter, Mercedes and Henry offer Jodie a place to stay.

Jodie accepting it, promising to pay Henry for rent or whatever. Henry doesn't accept this, but Jodie still does stuff around the house to ya know, pay for staying there.

At some point past chapter one, Jodie does go with Henry on the fateful day of that soccer tournament (though he's been to a few of the twins games before, being a second adult to help Henry with the chaos that is the twins)

So ofc Jodie gets sent to Faerûn with the dads. So he's there the whole time (and knows that Glenn is Nick's dad, so that entire arc is so different because of this)

But Henry and Jodies dynamic is very different as well. Like they're close and all.

Jodie's class+subclass is Oath of Devotion Paladin, the Devotion (unknown to him at the time) is to Henry.

That's about all I got currently.

This and Jodie crochets and has like an etsy shop or something for it.

FORGET SOMETHING!!!

T4T4T Henry, Jodie, and Mercedes real (Jodie is transmasc in this au, whole other thing for him!)

Thank you for reading my unnamed oakster au bullshit!

[grimsneverendingfuneral]

what's the tea on lotus?

ok phew here we go. here we go.

Lotus is my deathflower. my sugar plum honey pie. he's a cosmic event, smashing into your life. the kind of person that is so full of romance, magic and mystery that there's no point in trying to forget him. you never will. Lotus is forever. here's an excerpt from something i wrote that describes him pretty well. it's from his POV so its in his own words:

He knows that’s just the natural way of things. Things come and go, yes, but he’s forever. Lotus has always been forever. He just pretends he isn't as to not get hurt, over and over and over. He’s tired of being hurt, of crying into the dark, asking it what the hell is wrong with him in desperation and pleading. He’s tired of being so love sick it makes him nauseous, makes him reckless. He’s tired of being forever. But that's just his personality. A lovesick lover, dreamer of the dream, through and through. He’s willing to stay, to his own demise, doesn't know when the horse is dead, can’t really tell, keeps beating it. He looks at it and still sees a spark of life in its eyes. He doesn't realize he put it there.

Lotus is trans. that's a whole existence in itself, so i won't go too deep into that part of his life. Cancer sun Pisces moon Libra rising. sweet sweet sweet, but insane. he's blue pink and lilac. he's an artist, musician, painter, cook, housewife greeting you with a knife clutched in her hand and a pie ready in the oven. he's a sparkling pond with a weeping willow leaning over it. he's a ripple in the water, the algae at the bottom dancing under the current. he's a baker. has his own cake making business. makes all kinds of cakes. weddings, birthdays, valentines cakes, breakup cakes (they look like this). he makes a good living, an honest living, with passion and rigour. he's ambitious, hard working, party girl, but can be extremely lazy, too. can get lost in his own world. he doesn't like reality, but he understands it. he loves drugs. loves dreams. loves love. he's intelligent, cunning, but his emotions cloud his judgment. manipulative as fuck. like, next level. whiny. pouty. gets what he wants just cause he's so pushy about it. he's somewhat of an outcast but also a social butterfly. everyone likes Lotus. he's gay as a pack of skittles. he's vicious and sickly sweet at once. empathetic to a fault. he's a flood. a dam with a crack in it. enticing. charming. quick-witted. a little shy, a little bold. bats his eyelashes, his voice will have you on your knees. he's a flirt. he's always in a relationship. always. he's loyal until he's not, until something shinier comes along, or someone gives him more attention. he needs a lot of attention. he can be draining. he's a mess. he's an emotional wreck. he can hold his own. he's a domesticated cat with a penchant for hissing. he's a temptress rose, a tease, one giggle from him and you're ready to kill your own family. highly sexual. has you enwrapped in his world the second he lays eyes on you but he doesn't know. doesn't do it on purpose. will ruin your life without any malice. caretaker. you will never be more taken care of or pampered or coddled or understood than when you're Lotus' friend or lover. he's a city slicker, a modern day messiah. goes to the supermarket and makes ten friends along the way. talks to anyone, extends a loving and helping hand to strangers. loves strangers. easily irritated. moody moody moody. silent treatment, until you get him really mad, then he tears you to fucking shreds. obsessive. will put you on a pedestal. will stay too long. toxicity follows him like flies on shit. will give you too many chances. you will take advantage of his love. you will always help him get out of trouble because god does he try. he tries so hard. he's so good. so pure. the purest. so creative. everything he touches turns to something interesting and beautiful. he wants a family. a big one. and a husband. the house. the white picket fence. the family trips. he's traditional in that sense. but he's a freak. always has been, due to his transness and his transcendental nature. he's curious, enigmatic, friendly, attracted to danger. attracted to difficult people (cough Jeff). you will be his project, his life, his everything. but you better keep him on his toes. he has an older brother, Dallas, who's in jail under miscarriage of justice. he's been on his own for a while, has always hustled to meet his own needs. he's a bit controlling, but more like....doting. motherly. he sees people's pasts. he sees their dreams. sees their souls.

Here's his pinterest board and his spotify playlist. those two things (especially the playlist) are what will help you better grasp him as a concept. i can't go on cause i literally won't stop.

[jammie3132]

Fandom: Glee Pairing: Blaine Anderson & Sebastian Smythe Summary: Blaine Anderson and his best friends are co-owners of the hottest (literally) new restaurant in NYC…Dueling Dragons. When they discover Sebastian Smythe (city’s toughest food critic and well-known hater of anything spicy) is coming, everyone goes into crisis mode to make sure his review doesn’t bring down what they’ve worked so hard to build.

10 Days of Seblaine 2023 Day 7: Dragons

“Hell no!” Sebastian Smythe, NYC’s most popular (and toughest) food critic, yelled as he plopped down on the couch in his editor’s office. He was too tired (technically hung over) for this.

“Did I give you the impression you had an option?”

“I’ll quit.”

Santana Lopez laughed at her favorite employee (most of the time). “Dueling Dragons is Manhattan’s hottest new restaurant. You’re the website’s critic for new/up and coming restaurants…”

“I can’t do spicy, you know that. When I researched the place, being thorough as usual, I you don't know what you'll get until you arrive that night. And it's a set menu, the only choice you have is Asian or Latin. I wouldn't have the chance to ask for substitutions. On top of that, the five courses get progressively hotter, and I don’t mean temperature. The Scoville scale is involved!”

"Remind me again why you chose to become a Food Critic?"

"You know damn well when spicy isn't involved, my palate is the best in the business." 

“That is true." His palate and award-winning writing was the primary reason Santana had her current job. "I heard alcohol is also part of the experience. Maybe by the third course you won’t care.”

“I heard alcohol is also part of the experience. Maybe by the third course you won’t care.”

“Getting drunk won’t help, especially once they figure out I’m there for a review. It’s not like I’ll fly under the radar.”

“Come on, I’m known as The Spicy Latina. I’ve got to go. I’ll eat whatever half you don’t and give you my two-cents.”

“You know that’s not the way it works. I can’t review anything I didn’t eat. So again, the answer is N…O…NO!”

“Rumor is all of the owners are gorgeous and at least one is gay.” Fuck! Why did she say that?

“Yeah, I’ve seen a couple of Blaine Anderson’s interviews. He’s definitely sex-on-a-stick. But remember, I was told by company lawyers not to sleep with the owners of the restaurants anymore.”

“I meant flirt, you slut! Bat your dreamy eyes and flash your snarky smile. Turn on the charm your followers and fangirls/boys fall for.”

“Hey! The judge believed that the idiot only sued because his husband caught us and threw out the lawsuit! And if I knew the guy was married it never would’ve happened! You, more than anyone know that!”

“Seb…”

“I might be a man whore but I’m not a slut!” Once Sebastian calmed down (slightly), he realized there had to be more going on if they were discussing what was never to be mentioned at work. “What’s this really about, San?”

Was it a smart idea for Sebastian to sleep with the owner of the place he was there to review? Hell no! But none of the shit show that followed was his fault. He was just the one paying for it. “The lawsuit might have been thrown out, but your reputation took a big hit.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“Bad enough.”

“Tell them to send Thad. That guy can eat anything.”

“That’s why he covers street food. The big bosses said it has to be you.”

Santana wasn’t just Sebastian’s editor. She’d been his best friend since 3rd grade. He could read her like a book. There was still something she wasn’t telling him…Oh shit! “I know I threatened to quit, but are you saying I could get fired?”

“I’m saying it would be in your best interest to create some positive attention. Just being seen at Dueling Dragons will generate tons of comments on social media with your fans guessing what, if anything, you’ll eat. Your spice aversion isn’t a secret. I think the only reason some people follow you is to see if you’ll vomit. People in this city are gross.”

Sebastian sighed and shook his head. He’d gotten himself into this, only he could get himself out of it. “What night are we going so I can renew my prescriptions? And I’ll probably need a couple days off to give my digestive system time to recover.”

“We have reservations for 7PM tomorrow. Go call your doc and I’ll submit for the time off.” The conversation had actually gone better than Santana expected. “I’ll get you through this.”

“Damn straight you will. I’m going home with you afterwards so you can take care of me while I’m puking my guts out.”

“It’s the least I can do. And Seb, I’m sorry about the slut comment.”

“I love you too Satan.”

Blaine Anderson loved his job. What he didn’t love was how much time he spent doing interviews. He still didn’t understand how these had become his responsibility.

Is it true you and your partners, Sam Evans and Mike Chang, had the idea for Dueling Dragons back in high school?

Not quite. It’s true we’ve been best friends since high school and talked about opening a restaurant someday, but not until Culinary School. Dueling Dragons didn’t come together until after we reunited last year.

Can I ask why the three of you separated for so long?

While we all knew we wanted a career in Culinary, and went to the Institute together, each of us had our own interests. Sam focused on mixology and wine studies. Mike’s love was Hispanic/Latin cuisine. After graduation he spent 2 years traveling Mexico, as well as Central and South America, working for some of the best chefs in the world.

And you?

I left the Institute at the end of my first year when I was accepted to the Cordon Blue in Paris. After 2 years there I spent 3 years in Southeast Asia basically doing the same thing Mike did. I’m sorry but I’m going to have to end this to go prepare for tonight.

No need to apologize. This was the only information that wasn’t clear from our previous interview. The article should be up on our site next Friday. And thank you for the reservation this weekend. The entire office was embarrassed when we couldn’t solve this week’s puzzle and get the code.

We know having a weekly code to make a reservation is a little weird, but it’s working for now. However, with as popular as we’re getting, we’re close to the point where we’ll have to come up with something new.

If at all possible…don’t. Our advertising department thinks it’s brilliant. It drives traffic to your website. Not to mention, the exclusivity of having to have the code to make a reservation works for NYC. Some A-list celebrities I know practically begged me to help them get a code when they found out I’m writing an article on you.

It took another 5 minutes to get the guy off the phone, but Blaine was happy to see the call took less time than he thought it would. He had to get the stock for tomorrow night’s soup course on to simmer. When he walked into the kitchen Sam and Mike were huddled together with their lead hostess, Brittany. These conversations never ended well. “What’s wrong and how much will it cost to fix?” he asked once he got them into the office.

“It’s nothing like that” Mike assured him before moving his focus to Brittany.

They’d hired her away from what was now their biggest rival and worth every penny they overpaid her. “I was going through tomorrow’s reservations and there’s one under the name Grant Dalton.”

“So?”

“Grant Dalton is an alias Sebastian Smythe uses to make reservations. I didn’t think to include Smythe on our list of critic aliases because everyone knows he doesn’t eat spicy food. He has some sort of digestive condition.”

“This is a disaster!” Mike had always been the (overdramatic) worrier of the group, especially with what he considered the sky is falling events. “He’s doing this to give us a negative review. That’s the only reason. He…”

Blaine reached up and clutched tightly to his tall friend’s shoulders (please calm down, please calm down). “Mikey, take a breath. His bosses were here the other night and told each of us how much they enjoyed themselves. Even if Smythe plans to sabotage us, they wouldn’t allow a hit piece on the website.”

“But he does have a massive social media following” Brittany reminded them.

“Although he had that scandal” Sam said much too nonchalantly for anyone’s comfort. He was the one with the big ideas, but also the one with the ridiculous plans to accomplish them.

“He was cleared.” All eyes turned to Blaine. “What? I follow him on Instagram. He’s gorgeous…and gay.”

“Perfect!”

Uh-oh! “Samuel Dwight Evans, whatever plan you’re forming…”

“Blaine Devon Anderson, wouldn’t you do anything within your power to save Dueling Dragons? Our dream…”

“Where all our money is invested! Every…single…dime!” Mike began to hyperventilate but Brittany got him to a chair and helped with his breathing exercises. She’d become their Mike Chang whisperer in the short time she had been with them.

Correction on his previous statement. They weren’t paying their lead hostess nearly enough.

“You both, and Brittany, know I’d do anything for Dueling Dragon, but I’m not going to sleep with Smythe…no matter how gorgeous he is.”

Sam went to Blaine and put his arm around his shoulders. That was never good. “I wasn’t saying sleep with him…woo him. Picture this, we set him and his dinner companion…

“When he uses Grant Dalton he’s usually with his editor, Santana Lopez.”

“Thanks Britt because this wouldn’t work if he was on a date. Where was I…oh, yeah. We set Smythe and Lopez up in a private room, primarily so other customers don’t see him vomit, but also so you can read his mood. We can adjust as needed.”

So far, this wasn’t bad. “Ok, where does the wooing come in?”

“Come on, B. I know your love life if crap…”

“Hey!”

“Your last boyfriend who lasted longer than a week was the guy you ran all the to the Cordon Blue to get away from.”

He wasn’t lying. “Continue.”

“You’re a complete package…good looking, expressive eyes with ridiculous eyelashes, tone body…thanks to me, amazing ass…thanks to me. But your secret weapon? That flirty yet snarky charm of yours. Cast him under your spell. Jedi mind trick him if necessary…”

Blaine freed himself from his partner’s hold and began to pace. The others just watched for a while until Brittany asked “Blaine, are you going to share with the class?”

“What if we did Jedi mind trick him?”

Sam looked to the others and then back to Blaine. “I was kidding, Dude.”

“No, listen. Part of our popularity is we have a different menu every night. Customers have no idea what they’ll get until they get here.”

“Yeah, Blaine” Mike was confused…they were all confused. “We wrote the mission statement with you.”

“I know but while we serve half Asian/half Latin, that’s not what the mission statement says. That’s our choice. The mission statement says quality food. That’s the only requirement we set for ourselves. And the #1 rule for Food Critics is they can’t review anything they didn’t taste themselves.”

“Still don’t get it.”

“We don’t have to serve him spicy.”

“Then what the hell are we serving him?”

“Let me take care of that.”

NEXT DAY 6:45 PM

“Blaine Anderson!” Sam stormed into the kitchen with a receipt in his hand. Blaine hoped that meant what he thought it did. “Why did I just sign for a $1000 bottle of French wine?”

“Yes, it made it! I was beginning to panic.”

Mike hurried over (no running in the kitchen) from his station. “$1000?! On ONE bottle of wine?!”

“Hey Mikey” his head sous chef called from his side of the kitchen. “There’s something wrong with this batch of soup.”

“Oh my God!”

Blaine and Sam weren’t worried about the soup. They’d asked Mike’s staff to invent a potential food disaster whenever situations like this occurred. However, that didn’t mean they weren’t worried. “This has to work, B. We can’t have Smythe trashing us. It’ll kill our momentum.”

“I’m hoping if he does people will take our current reputation and his aversion to spicy food into consideration, but I’m worried too…don’t tell Mikey.”

“Are you kidding? We’re too busy for Brittany to spend the night back here having him breathe into his oxygen tank. Speaking of busy, I’ve got to get out front. Things are so crazy tonight I had to schedule both our new bartenders.” As he walked back to the bar, Sam saw Smythe and who had to be his editor approaching the Hostess Station. "Ok Britt, you're on."

Sebastian was the one dreading the evening but it was Santana who stopped before reaching the Hostess Station. “Did you change your mind? Can we get out of here?”

She tightened her grip on his arm and nodded to the blonde behind the station before. “Where have we seen her before? I remember those boobs from somewhere.”

“Mr. Smythe, Ms. Lopez, you table is ready.”

Sebastian leaned over and quietly asked “Why didn’t you use my alias?”

“She did” the same blonde, who was now right in front of them, answered. “Would you please follow me?”

If that was confusing, they were more confused when they were escorted to a private room set for two. “We thought you’d be more comfortable in here, Mr. Smythe. There’s privacy if something you eat doesn’t agree with you. Hopefully, that won’t be an issue.”

The beautiful blonde excused herself, but Sebastian needed answers.

“How did you know…?”

“That you’re Grant Dalton? What can I say? I’m a genius.”

Once she was gone Santana announced “I’m going to marry that woman.”

“Tone it down, Lopez. My public humiliation doesn’t mean I just can’t sleep with restaurant staff. Everyone was included…” Sebastian was rendered speechless when the most beautiful man he’d ever seen walked in. He’d known Blaine Anderson was attractive from watching his interviews. In person he was stunning.

Blaine was hit with exactly the same thoughts about Sebastian. But he couldn’t be distracted. Everyone was counting on him. He placed a rectangular bucket of ice in front of each of them and stepped back.

“Good evening Ms. Lopez, Mr. Smythe, I’m Blaine Anderson, one of the co-owners, and I’d like to welcome you to Dueling Dragons. Within these buckets are carafes of water and milk, if you should require relief at some point.”

Sebastian looked into his bucket and saw a third carafe. “Why do I have an extra carafe?”

“Pepto Bismal…should you require extra relief.”

Santana sat back and watched the interaction between the two. So, this is what they meant by YOU could cut the (sexual) tension with a knife. Any other time she would’ve helped amp it up, but not now. “Can we have a rundown of tonight’s menus?”

“That’s not how it works. I will not give you a rundown. I will give you the title of each theme and you choose from there. I will say some of our Asian dishes tonight do contain peanuts, but our kitchens are completely separate with no chance of cross contamination.”

“No issues here. I was always choosing Latin. What’s my theme?”

“You’re in luck. Tonight it’s Tour of Mexico. It’s one of the most popular themes my partner prepares.”

“Wait” Sebastian might have been intrigued by the man but he felt like he was being set up. ”If I remember correctly you are the other chef of the trio. Why aren’t you in the kitchen?”

“I assure you, Mr. Smythe, anyone who chooses my cuisine tonight will leave Dueling Dragons completely satisfied.”

“Challenge accepted. And what is my theme for the evening?”

“Surprise me.”

After Blaine left, Sebastian pulled out a notebook and pen. “They’re up to something. Trying to throw me off with their private room and Pepto Bismal. Not to mention, Anderson’s gorgeous eyes and amazing ass. But I’m too smart for that.”

On the other side of the restaurant, Blaine announced triumphantly to Mike and the kitchen staff “He bought it! Now the fun begins.”

Serving a 5-course meal was playing a piece of music. Each part building upon the one before until it reached the crescendo, or in this case, main course. Besides taste, the fastest way to ruin the meal was for the timing to be off. So, after checking how his staff was doing with his scheduled theme, Cambodian Combustion, he made sure everything was in order before he took out the first course. None of his amazing staff was touching anything he served the critic. For better or for worse, this was all on him.

“Mikey! Let’s go!” His partner brought him a small cloche covered plate. “Is the soup good to go? You know there’s no turnaround time between one and two.”

“Now who’s nervous? And the soup is ready to go. You can do this, Blaine. It’s not like our entire future isn’t riding on this.”

Back in the private room, Sebastian noticed something for the first time. “There’s a trash can next to my chair in case their food makes me sick.”

“Can you blame them? Seb, this isn’t just their livelihood, this is their dream. You showing up has to be their worst nightmare. So, what if they figured out you were coming and prepared as much as possible? Have somewhat of an open mind…please?”

“You just want to take the hostess home with you.”

“Yes, but instead I’m taking your sorry ass home. And you can’t tell me you’re not intrigued by Anderson.”

“I definitely am but I’m putting it on the back burner until I figure out what he’s up to…shut up, he’s back. Let’s get this over with.”

With his back turned, Blaine took a deep breath before plastering a smile on his face. It wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be. Smythe was as charming as he was gorgeous.

Show time!

“I am proud to present your Amuse Bouche course this evening. If you’ll remove the cloche. Ms. Lopez, you have a handmade corn tortilla chip with jalapeno mouse. Mr. Smythe, tartlet with foie gras and caramelized onion.”

Sebastian looked to Santana who shrugged. It didn't make sense to her either.

“We are pairing the chip tonight with a shot of Patron and Mr. Smythe, you have received a taster’s glass of Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2019 as your pairing. Enjoy and I will return momentarily with the soup course.”

The editor was humming enjoyment for her course, but the critic had all sorts of questions. “Anderson, what the hell is this?”

“Your Amuse Bouche. As I recall, you accepted the challenge to eat what I prepared. Remember we do not allow substitutions. If you’ll excuse me.”

Santana reached toward her partner’s plate. “If you aren’t going to eat it, I will. It looks delicious.”

He slapped her hand away. “Tana, that wine is like $1000 a bottle. And the crust on this tartlet is perfect. Oh, I get it. His theme tonight is Surprise me. There’s probably Thai chilis in this or something. But I don’t smell…”

“Eat the damn thing already!”

Sebastian closed his eyes and popped the tartlet in his mouth, expecting the worse. It was one of the most delicious things he’d ever eaten.

“Is everyone ready for soup?”

This continued through the next 3 courses…a classic French dish with a French alcoholic pairing. He knew Santana’s courses were following the expected process of increasing creasing heat because she’d gone through half her milk and was drinking his water because hers was gone.

But they were surprised when Blaine told her she had a choice for her final dish. They were not as surprised when that meant the habanero version or the ghost pepper version. She wisely chose habanero.

“Mr. Smythe, if you’d remove your cloche.”

Sebastian removed the cover to find his favorite meal…Coq au vin.

“Ok, what the fuck Anderson?”

“Have you not enjoyed what I presented you?”

“It’s the best damn food I’ve ever eaten but…”

“Enjoy your Coq au vin, Mr. Smythe. If you still have questions when you’re finished, I will be happy to answer them.”

Blaine left before he could be asked anything else but ran directly into Sam. “How’s it going?”

“Food wise? Best food he ever ate. Otherwise? I’m probably going to need the rest of that very expensive bottle of wine to calm him down.”

“No, I’ve got a better idea.”

Blaine didn’t serve them the Dragon fruit sorbet that came at the end of the dinner. It wasn’t big enough to be called a dessert, just enough to cool the mouth down after the final (and spiciest) course. 10 minutes later Brittany asked Santana if she’d like to see the kitchen and thank her chef. Sebastian knew there was no way she was declining. They were barely out the door when Blaine appeared with a bottle of cognac and two glasses. “Still have questions?”

“Don’t you have a restaurant to run?”

“That’s why I have partners and pay our staff 25% above going rate. We also tip match nightly with kitchen staff.”

“Most establishment have servers tip share.”

“We don’t.”

“Don’t you think that’s a risky plan for a new restaurant, especially in NYC?”

“Less expensive than constant turnover and retraining. Now that we’ve established I’m not abandoning my responsibilities, do you have anything else to ask or are you writing a hit piece no matter what I say?”

Sebastian sat back and sipped at his cognac. The Blaine Anderson who served them dinner was charming, but it felt a bit…staged. Snarky Blaine Anderson was his fucking wet dream (seriously…fucking wet dream). “Who cooked my meal?”

“I did.”

“Anderson…” Blaine scrolled through his phone. When he found what he was looking for he handed it across the table. “Your bio?”

“Read it.”

It didn’t take long for Sebastian to find…“You graduated top of your class at The Cordon Blue? In Paris? Why the fuck are you cooking that spicy shit?” For some reason, that was exactly the wrong thing to ask.

“Fuck you! Write what you want. We’ll survive whatever bullshit you say about us!”

Blaine started leave as it hit Sebastian how badly he’d screwed up. “Sorry, I’m really sorry, that’s not what I meant…well, it is, but not the…shit! Can I have a do over? Hi, my name is Sebastian Smythe. I’m a food critic and an idiot. I’d like to have an intelligent conversation with you but I don’t know if that’s possible…on my part. I’ve just eaten the best meal of my life cooked by the most attractive chef I’ve ever seen and I’m totally off my game.”

Blaine sat back down but was not fully sold on the apology. Despite that he brought down his defenses to explain. “I was in a relationship when I was at the Institute. The Cordon Blue was his dream, not mine. When he sent in his application, he forged one for me. I got accepted, he didn’t. As you can guess, he didn’t take it well. It got so bad I broke up with him which made it worse. I only went to Paris to get away from him.”

“Oh, shit. I’m sorry.”

“While I was there I learned everything I could. I mean I did finish first in my class. But Paris was always his dream. From Paris I went to the Philippines to visit my mom’s family. I found out Mikey was on his trek through South America and thought What the hell? I’m here. The Philippines turned into 3 years in Southeast Asia. It was the best thing I ever did.”

Sebastian went for the bottle of cognac to discover it was empty. Not good. The booze would have helped quash the feelings that were developing for the man sitting across from him. “Then why cook me the best dinner I ever ate.”

“We assumed you were doing a hit piece as part of your crusade against all things spicy. We invested everything we have in Dueling Dragons…savings, inheritance, trust funds.”

“I wasn’t doing a hit piece. Ever since my life became Page six fodder, my reputation has taken a hit. You’re the most popular new restaurant in NYC. It’s my job to review new restaurants. In the past I would’ve passed this assignment to a different critic. This time I wasn’t given the option. I think my bosses wanted me to bail so they could fire me.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

ONE WEEK LATER

Blaine was in his office, going over the books. His idea to trick Sebastian Smythe cost nearly $3000 they didn’t have. He didn’t know how to tell Sam, and no way in hell he was telling Mike. Maybe they could try to fit in a few more tables on weekends?

He was so focused on the numbers he didn’t hear Brittany the first time she called his name. “Blaine!”

“Oh, sorry Britt. What’s up?”

“There’s someone here to interview you.”

"I don't have an interview scheduled."

“I don’t know what to tell you. The guy said he needed to talk to an owner and insisted it was you.”

While he was annoyed at least it gave him a chance to clear his head. That was until he saw Sebastian Smythe was the person waiting to talk to him.

Fucking great

“What can I do for you Mr. Smythe?”

“How about we take a seat and talk? And maybe call me Sebastian?”

“Sure” With the restaurant empty he motioned to a table far enough from the bar Sam couldn’t eavesdrop. “What can I do for you Sebastian?”

“We had such a dramatic end to my last visit…” Sebastian reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope “I didn’t pay for my meal.”

“Your editor did.”

“No, she paid for the meal I expected to have.”

“I don’t…” Blaine opened the envelope and found a check for $3048.28. “What is this?”

“I had no idea what to do with my review so I went to my bosses. They laughed so hard that you got one over on me that they insisted paying for everything. That’s an estimate. If it was more…”

“No, it’s down to the penny. Thank you.”

“I swear it wasn’t me, but this is.”

Blaine accepted the gift bag he hadn’t noticed. “Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2019 but that was part of the money…”

“That’s not from my bosses, it’s really from me. I know you don’t have the fondest memories of The Cordon Blue but it’s a travesty you won’t cook French food because of them. I was hoping if I brought the wine you might cook me dinner one night. Not here, but as like a date?”

“YES!!” Evidently their table wasn’t far enough from the bar since Sam, Mike and Brittany answered for him.

“My friends…this is just a date?”

“Yes. After the last few months I learned my lesson about…well, you read the tabloids. I think I’d like to take things slow, if that’s alright.”

“Very alright.”

Sebastian’s smile filled his face until…“Please tell me you’re not married.”

LATER THAT DAY

Dueling Dragons A Sebastian Smythe Review

It is not a secret that I don’t like spicy food. It’s not that I don’t like it, due to a digestive condition, I cannot eat it without becoming violently ill. I’m usually able to avoid these dishes when reviewing a restaurant.

Then I was assigned to review Dueling Dragons.

Dueling Dragons is co-owed by two of NYC’s hottest (pun intended) new chefs, Mike Chang and Blaine Anderson, and a master of mixology, Sam Evans. Their unique vision of a half Latin/half Asian menu is a breath of fresh air.

I am declaring the latest trend of Wall Street burnouts deciding “Hey, I can cook. I’ll open a restaurant” officially over. I refuse to eat tasteless pasta, steaks dripping in a pound of butter or overcook salmon again. NYC is the greatest city in the world. We don’t deserve that crap. We deserve food prepared with thought and a little whimsy. More than that, we deserve food prepared by expert hands. Hands of chefs who give a damn, not only for the meals they prepare but the customers they serve.

What we deserve is Dueling Dragons

Yes, I ate the food. No, I’m not going to describe what I ate. Each night is a new experience, and I don’t want to ruin yours.

I will say it was the best meal I ever ate.