#it just explains alot of my brain patterns and like

[deathordesire]

Getting an autism eval. I'll let yall know how that goes sometime.

[thegiftednessjournal]

"If I could explain giftedness to someone who's never heard of it, I'd say..." 

People often tell gifted folks they are “smart” or have so much potential. In the past, to find gifted students they would ask them about how motivated they were to succeed as a measurement. That’s not even CLOSE to what giftedness is, giftedness is a three dimensional world (literally, neurotypical people usually think in “two dimensions” while gifted folks think in three dimensional).  On “The Gifted Neurodivergent Podcast” she did an exercise that you can try right now. 

     Imagine a playing card. Is it a flat picture or does it have depth? Is it just an image, or can you flip the picture around and look at the back or the side. 

If you say that it's just flat, you're a “two dimensional” thinker. But if you said you can move it around, you think in three dimensions.  This doesn't just go for pictures though, in the gifted mind, every thought is three dimensional. 

For some, the question “Did you do the laundry today” Might not be a yes or no question, our brain says:

“Well i put the clothes in the washer last night but decided i couldn't finish it, so I did the rest this morning and i'm actually in the process of folding it right now but the towels were still wet and i havent put the folded clothes away yet.. So..  I DON’T KNOW, STOP ASKING ME QUESTIONS!   (Maybe *slightly* exaggerated, maybe it’s my past experiences talking haha)

To which your non gifted friends or family say “It's a yes or no question. You don't have to provide every detail!!!”   You aren't trying to be annoying, but everything has so many layers that you don't know what the right answer is, you don’t know how to think as simply as everyone else. Or more accurately which part of the question they wanted you to answer, did you know it was in process and you were asking if I finished? Were you asking if I did it today or yesterday?. Don’t even get me started on when the answer is SUPPOSED to be a paragraph long.. 

The word “intensity” is often used as a more inclusive word for gifted individuals. It doesn’t seem as much like a bragging right. Giftedness isn’t just being smart, it is asynchronous development of the mind. (Your mind has developed a quicker pace and will continue to be that level of disconnected from your physical age) For me, I was told in second or third grade that I read at a twelfth grade level. I have also been described as “being 24 since I was 6 months old” by my father. It isn't just about being “smart” though, the source of intelligence comes from the INTENSITY of our minds. The intensity doesn't just come across in good grades. We have intensity in all or most areas of our life.

 Intense emotions: Always being told that you're too emotional and “It's not a big deal!”

Sensory Intensity: the lights are too bright, the sound of the electricity is too loud etc. 

Intense Personality: Always feeling like your full personality doesn't fit. Anywhere that you go.

Intense Cognitive Ability: Your brain works, finds patterns, and solves problems at a much faster pace.

Intense Focus: When engaging in intellectually engaging or hyperfixation hobbies, switching focus is difficult and jarring. Usually you're still thinking about it during the new task.

Intense Sense of Morality: When someone isn’t punished for an action or justice isn’t served, it bothers you greatly.

Intense Thoughts: Even when you don’t know what you’re thinking about, your brain is loud, you realize what those thoughts are when you go to talk to someone about anything and you talk about realizations you've had that you've never heard or thought about before

Now that we know about intensity it makes alot more sense why when we grow up being called smart and we make it our personality, it hurts so much to fail a class (in some cases that failure could still be as high as an A- maybe even an A if super duper pressured)

[pinetrees-in-the-water]

what if ej x gn blind reader??😏

Anon your brain is so huge.... Im basically writing fanfic here but AAAAAAA

(Edit: Oh my god I noticed the smirking emoji way too late yall please be specific with wanting NSFW or SFW I was well Into fluff territory before I realized and I still can't tell what anon means, but SFW and NSFW under the cut)

Thank you for the request!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

◇EJ x GN! Blind Reader◇

• So EJ CAN see but his vision is more akin to like...cat night vision. Only sees in shades of gray.

• Basically the man is colorblind.

• He takes advantage of it and only hunts in the night, scouting out houses for possible victima to soothe his demonic hunger or or contract kills for The Operator.

• So when he's creeping around a what he thinks is an abandoned house and sees you walking around in the dark, his heart stops.

• Naturally, being blind has led to your other senses improving over time and you're barely able to hear a creak that DEFINATELY wasn't you.

• You grab the kitchen knife and reach for your phone in your pocket just in case you need to dial a neighbor or the cops.

• You hadn't turned around yet so EJ didnt notice you were blind, he tried silently moving towards you to knock you out when-

• "DON'T COME ANY CLOSER I CAN HEAR YOU!" You swung around with the knife in your hand. EJ saw your closed eyes and realized his mistake.

• "Hey hey Im sorry. Im not gonna hurt you. Ill get out right now." He pretty much bolted out the window leaving you confused.

• You DID call someone over to check and yeah...he left.

• Weeks later you found a note in braille at your door apologizing for the incident, you were shocked at the amount of effort this intruder was taking to amend his actions, he also explained that he'd been completely blind before and understood how terrifying it must have been.

• You don't know what possessed you but you wrote back and left your letter in the same place you found his. Thus started a pattern of you both writing back and forth.

• Eventually you both came to care alot for each other, you found out he was a part of a sort of task force and had killed before, but he wanted to "Spare you the gory details" so you didn't find out more for a while.

• He started helping you in small ways, fetching you groceries, running small errands since it was a hassle to get around with your condition, you aporefuated the kindess that was rare from other people. And slowly started falling for him, and maybe it was the way he wrote, soft yet deep voice or his constant compliments but it felt like he was falling for you too.

• Even though you couldn't see him, you wanted to meet him again in person (without the breaking and entering) and tell him how you felt. And so you did.

• He agreed but something was off even as you both laughed in the kitchen while baking, his hands..no his skin was ice cold. And even if he was talking and laughing with you he seemed unusually nervous, you could hear the tapping off his foot.

• When yoy asked him if somethibg was wrong he couldn't take it anymore and broke. He told you about his past and qhen he was turned in college, the ritual that put a demon inside of him and how he had no choice but to break into morgues and scout for the "morallly corrupt" so the demon had a source of food, it had turned him into a cannibal.

• At first you thought he was making fun of you and that it was some kind of joke, but before you could get mad his chilled hands took yours.

• "Do you trust me? Ill show you... I promise im not lying"

•You dont know what made you say yes but you did. He took your hands and put them on his face so you could feel his features which were definately human..and after you were done his face started to morph, skin splitting and his jaw unhinging to reveal what felt like razor-sharp teeth.

• His mouth closed as soon as it opened. He tried pulling away and running but you didn't want him to this time.

SFW:

• As said above Jack loves providing acts of service for you. Groceries? Cooking? Cleaning? call him your malewife because he's doing ALL of it.

• Of course he doesn't treat you like some helpless child and respects when you qant to do things yourself but still always offers just in case.

• After you both properly get together and you know his past hes noticibly more physically affectionate while making sure not to startle or scare you with sudden touches.

• Takes EXTRA precaution to make sure youre out of The Operator's radar since youre at a bit of a disadvantage (a tad overprotective)

• kisses you on your eyelids (kicking my legs and screaming)

NSFW:

• Regardless of who he's with he's a soft dom (Im tired of yall slandering my man's name HES A SWEET BOY.)

•Jack is so gentle. Mainly because he's terrified of doing something wrong.

•He's a big boy at 6'5 so a good chance hes taller than you, and hes somewhat muscular too so he's aware theres a huge imbalance in your relationship and checks in on you every once in a while to make sure youre okay with him doing anything.

• He has 3 tongues.....need I say more?

•Goes down on you VERY often, somwtimes gets a bit carried away and overstimulates you

•Even if you can't see him he ALWAYS ALWAYS compliments how pretty/handsome you look during sex.

• Sensory deprivation but just....always.

• Despite being majorly soft that doesn't mean hes not an absolute tease in bed. 100% makes you beg. And definately takes advantage of tue fact that you cant see what he's gonna do next.(Will feel guilty if you accuse him of bullying you for being blind)

[your-fav-is-a-wod-monster]

Himb?

Gummigoo! this i can do something with

Subject #001: Gummigoo (TADC)

Category: Spirit (WoD)

Hi darling! Thank you for submittin this. So, this is fascinating! because taking the information from TADC, theres a LOT of implications about the Digital Circus itself in the context of WoD. Particularly for Caine!

(see explaination below)

Many entities have the ability to go into and control various realms of the Umbra, WoDs spirit world (think of ATLA' Spirit World, or WH40k's Warp). Usually with somewhat mixed results depending on what exactly it is and what realms its entered. There are atleast two realms, both in the Umbra that operate under the influence of technology and specifically the internet. With some small differences. the CyberRealm from WtA, and the Digital Web from MtA. Both realms having various spirits associated with their respective aspects.

now, the fun part. Caine is almost a god in the Digital Circus, reshaping it to however he wants and generally having no problem mixing around his reality. ill touch more on him in a future post probably, but gut reaction? The man seems like a Mage, specifically a Virtual Adept. The Digital Circus itself, a Realm he can interact with. I dont think its exactly his, but until we get more lore on him i cant really back that up with any supporting evidence.

it'd be simple to say then that Gummigoo is just a spirit in this realm, but i feel like thats not entirely satisfying. As far as i know, the Digital Web isnt home to many spirits beyond the various Pattern Spiders that maintain the web itself. I believe its more likely that this was a spirit from the other technological realm, the Cyber Realm, yoinked into whatever the Digital Circus is. Take this with a grain of salt though, researching the Umbra itself is a headache and a half.

My guess is a Gaffling of some kind. a very basic, sentient spirit. Though what exactly he is a spirit of is a bit harder. Maybe a manifestation of a Thinking Machine Spirit?

This is kind of alot to ramble about, but it boils down to Gummigoo being a digital spirit of some kind manifested by Caine.

Hope i didnt do too bad for my first post! Thanks love for the brain teaser :3

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

hiii what does the angela is jane ives reuther mean in ur bio 👀

hiiii🌸💖 thank you for asking anon! I love talking about this topic<2

I've answered this a few times as well as expanded on my theories, so at the end I will explain where more information is.

BASICALLY Terry Ives has one memory of giving birth to her daughter, "Jane" via C-section

and El gets a memory triggered sitting NINA of being birthed vaginally.

This already raises the issue that El is obviously not Jane Ives, but rather that Terry gave birth to a different baby. [this wasn't my find, I believe it was either @/demadogs or @/pinkeoni ]

there are even clues in ST2 that point to this! Terry does not have any reason to believe Kali escaped HNL, so if she was doing all that going out of the way to talk to her daughter who she hasn't seen in thirteen years, why would she send her back to a triggering environment in HNL by herself to fetch Kali? Don't get me wrong, there's a good chance Terry cared about getting the other girl free, but the message was very clear that she wanted El to find a girl who was in the rainbow room, or at the very least to show El the girl in the rainbow room.

so that's where my theory comes in. Terry was either telling El "The blonde one is Jane!" or all that plus "Go find her and bring her home because she's my daughter!"

Even when El says to Terry that she is Jane and that she is home, Terry verbally says "No." which is not part of her normal pattern, but rather something she is specifically saying in the moment. No, El is not Jane, and neither El nor Jane is home either.

so that brings us to why Angela specifically is actualy Jane. First of some technical things and then to the clued.

It is most likely that Jane Ives has blonde hair because her mother retained blondeness well into adulthood. If her hair did change from being light blonde, it would take years for the color to be recognizable as even dark blonde, let alone light brown. As an ex-blonde myself, I had a similar color to the toddler Jane from the memory of Terry breaking in to HNL. By the time I was fourteen, El's and Jane's age in 1986, I had dark blonde hair while my blonde peers retained a light blonde color. This would transition to a light brunette by sixteen.

El, on the other hand, has dark brown hair already at age eight. She likely never had blonde hair at all unless her hair quickly changed in infancy, if I'm remembering this right. Either way, age four to age eight is WAY too quick of time to transition to a completely opposite hair color! (@/henrysglock has a few things on the hair color too, as well as hair color as an indication of the timeline split!) Angela on the other hand has light blonde hair at age fourteen, just like Terry would have. There's a similar thing to be said of her eye color, but I honestly haven't paid as closely of attention.

More the conceptual boy! the thing that makes this theory so brain zappy!

"Jane" as a concept represents everything El missed out on. Phrases like "Plain Jane", which means ordinary person, or simply "Jane" being the catchall girl to "Joe"'s catchall boy, and "Jane Doe", an unidentifiable woman, come to mind. "Jane" is femininity, normalcy, popularity, and ease.

Angela represents all of the same things! El is literally copying Angela so she can try and be all those things!

so not only is El copying Angela because Angela has what "Jane" represents- but she is trying to embody a "Jane" persona simultaneously! SHE IS COPYING ANGELA TO BECOME JANE.

There is also alot more to this theory, including Angela parallelig 002, her being obsessed with the "good dad" version of Hopper El speaks of, her appearance being an opposite/shadowself version of El, her name having "Angel" in it, etc.

all that plus some other explanatory posts that go deeper into it (I'll try and link some) can be found in #angela ives, and #angela is jane, plus I've got some more meme-y posts tagged #angieposting, for more fun :3

I hope this answered some of your questions! yes, when I say Angela is Jane, I do mean it literally. Well, not in like a "her name is Jane" way, but in the sense that the baby Terry gave birth to is actually Angela.

If you have any more specific questions or observations feel free to leave them or post in the tags obviously, I love hearing new input on my fave theory!!

(oh yeah and it's kind of intertwined with timeline theory, so Angela and El are alt timelines of eachother as well. there's more on that in a whole other post though)

IMPORTANT LINK NO. 1

I'm on the hunt for a few others

[lifenconcepts]

I absolutely agree with that and am SO happy to find someone similar to me!! I’ve never been one to hate on the shit another finds good but the popularised versions of identities being this half which is just sunshine and rainbows always feels a little unjustified for how much those same people which say ‘embrace the weird! Be yourself! Love others!!’ and say they support those which unapologetically go against what social norm has been formed, suddenly go from all kind to ‘yuck! How can you say that? That doesn’t seem right.. you’re not one of us!’ the very moment you mention you support real fur instead of faux, that hunting and genuinely mauling your food with your hands is okay, feel angry when another animal marks your home or vehicle, or any other variation of not being the ‘aesthetic therian’ others so believe is the ‘only’ way of being alterhuman.

The exact definition that’s been burned into our brains like a branding has gotten boring! There’s no right way to be yourself, because you’re the only one who knows what you actually look like! And no matter how much I see ‘alterhumanity is different for everyone’ I still tend to think that not all really get that into their brains. They take in the words but not the MEANING behind them. I want others to just blatantly face the facts that some find it nice, prefered in fact, to just want to be able to think and act like an animal. None of that explanation of why and how. (I love to find meaning behind everything but that’s simply because my soul craves knowledge) I too sometimes believe it to be great for the simplicity of a creature’s mind. You can enjoy harming another life without some twisted sense of pleasure (although that’s also fine. Huntings dogs were bred to hunt. Ofcourse they will be happy to hunt), to go where you walk simply because it’s what feels right (why must you understand the journey or destination in mind when birds migrate simply by how it feels and where is better? They don’t think ‘oh gee! It’s the 8th of September! I must get going to Portugal otherwise I may not survive the cold!’ Their minds subconsciously gather the temperature change and just vaguely understand they need to fucking go some place warm), and it feels irritating to fight for this in a community that claims to support and understand eachother alot- BUT ANIMALS DO NOT NEED TO EXPLAIN THEMSELVES! They don’t! They don’t decide to just casually start feeling some way and try change to be that, no! They feel a way, and so they are that. And that may change, it may be wrong, but who cares!? Emotion is emotion and sensation is sensation. Whatever feeling comes along then it’s that feeling which is invoked. This makes more sense with examples but I just had to get it off my chest.

You won’t find a flying squirrel explaining to another ‘look, I just don’t feel enough like a rodent enough because I’ve seen the air like the birds and bugs, perhaps I’m not made for this body because I love the air as must as the trees. Is it so wrong?’ No. It’s just living as it fucking needs to, eats shits walks and floats, and will die when it needs to. Our human minds allow for a lot more to do and various things to come of it, but they also are just so much of a plague of questions that assault simple activities. Ah- I could go on for hours, but everyone needs to know that an alterhuman will be alterhuman even if they don’t explain themselves. Maybe someone misunderstood themselves but to what extent does it even matter? Maybe it’s chosen maybe it’s involuntary but why are you policing another? Is life showing any sign of rules? Sure, patterns exist, and there may be exceptions for moral wrong doing, but in the end it’s always up to subjective perception to decide what is right for you. We already have human-made rules, it’s called the law. Don’t kill or abuse others, don’t steal and destroy another’s property, and the rest is up to your grubby little hands to decide (some laws are idiotic I will admit).  And I needed to get this out for a long time but damn it- ALLOW others to exist without a label! Allow yourself to go unlabelled! It’s a common practice but it’s not as neccesary! Do you know how much agony you’ll be spared if you stop going ‘well how much of a Therian am I? What counts as Otherkin? Have I experienced any symptoms of So-and-so in the past month?’ And rather spot what makes you feel better in your body, what brings happiness, and what you do often. The cause ain’t even all that neccesary to understand unless you want to. Just focus on what you feel like and what you want to see in yourself and then you can go all ‘let’s find a word for this’. Honestly. The English language has already so many words, and that’s not even taking into account those which grown lost with time. You really think newly-made terms don’t hold as much value? Or that a single word must explain your own mind and body? Your soul is boundless, but able to be gazed upon at times. So why limit yourself to fit into a new box just to claim you ‘escaped the system!!’ as you once more alter yourself and grow bound to mere words and a fear for others judging you.

Okay that’s a bit off topic now, thanks for the opportunity to ramble, but yeah. Let animals be animals. And animals don’t need to explain themselves, they can blatantly do whatever feels good or right at the moment without it having define their entire existence or life. Animals can be dirty, mean, confusing, nasty, dangerous, scary, but still have nice qualities. And even if not, it is not their fault.

Never ever mistake me. I am not just in favor of the uwu romantic version Being An Animal. It's not all moodboards and waxing poetic about tails/wings/etc and running in the forest wild and free. All of that stuff is GOOD and FINE and a nice outlet for all flavors of nonhumans, please do not stop engaging with that sort of thing. I'm talking about me also wanting to embrace the gross and so-called ugly and less fortunate aspects of animality. like when you're wrestling a large prey animals into submission so you can eat that day but it fuckin Gets You with a claw/antler/horn/hoof/beak/etc and suddenly you're hurt real bad. Lost an eye, a toe, half your tail. Got a permanent limp from being stomped so hard that will make hunting difficult so you may not live your full natural lifespan. dying of severe cold or heat and then your body decomposing slowly, being food for other things. scent marking with piss, shit, musk. being young and inexperienced so you go without food for days cuz you can't hunt for shit.

there is no part of animality that is something I don't desire. I want it all, because all of me is animal. does it suck to downgrade from human sized complex brain to smaller wolverine brain? No not really! I am not mourning the loss of things I never asked for in the first place. sure I could say that woo, less complex brain means less capacity for things to go wrong, but that is a very human lens to look through. does a wolverine know it's "lucky" that it cannot have certain human mental illnesses because its brain may not be that complex? no, and that's why I'm not worried. I could turn into one fully physically overnight and then die stupidly 2 years later and that would still be ideal. sure I also may romanticize some things in ways that are not really Natural for my species, like how I think places that feel like Home just seem so beautiful to me, but no damn animal is perfect. I am allowed a couple flaws. several, in fact, lmao.

I Crave It All

[softcryz]

I have had to ask friends for naked versions of their Minecraft skins because i often make skins that are just clothing, so i can more effectively put said clothing on their skins.

And it is just as akward every time.

But also, no yeah, drawing characthers that has fun patterns on their bodies is Alot of fun, and trying to explain said fact, can sound weird without context 'I like drawing this Characther without their clothes' sounds weirder then it is

YEAH. But at least you can find humour in how silly it might sound. I'm half awake and wanting to talk so I'm just saying things [apologies] but

sometimes I'll look back at my [or other people's wording] and find it funny! There's no shame in drawing naked people either. Some things just sound silly out of context and the brain's always looking at things without context so it goes. Haha. You are drawing that guy's b

[kristalpepsi]

Temptation Stairway Thoughts™ + Theory Discussion

TW: blood + Death mentions, Implied (forced/pushed) integration (systems), racism (against asians), unreality stuff bc the show is Like That, Trauma causd by therapy

TL;DR = I mainly talk about implied integration, n as some1 in a system tht! mkes me uncomfy! I mainly will talk abt wht I’m calling the multi-ena theory (n anothr theory ill call the Multiple/Multi-Enaverse Theory) thts been popping up n disccng how thts kind of the bggst thng keepng me on board! I won’t LIE I might b a little biased bc I rlly do like thise show b I am NOT blind so I will try 2 address som things. I also talk alot abt the Shepard n Phindol bc I love themb so much they make me very heart Big.

DISCLAIMERS:

Obviously Joel G Highkey/definitely/most probbly did not intend 4 any of thise, but media is very complic8d so u cn end up accidntlly making problmtc things or implyng not great things

I hav a typing quirkkkk so if u cant understand my post I rlly dont blame u! I’m sorry how I type is Incomprehensible™

Not an angry post, more like my brain is holding me host-ge until i talk abt everyth dskfjhd!!

DO NOT Send anyone in thise post hate or angry asks/messages or perish by my sword

OK so this recnt episde has me w vry vry mixd feelngs!!! I’m both happy n exctd! b litrlly 2 things is whts bothrng me. While I CLD jst say :I Am Lookng Away: i rlly do need 2 write it down. Under a Read-more bc im secure SKSJ

Part 0: I’m uncomfortable help

The Section wher i tlk abt n bring up othr ppl’s concerns

So fr most if nt all the frnds I hav who also wtch Ena ALSO has a vry “vr vry mixd feelngs now tht I’ve seen the episde!!” mood twrds Temptation Stairway! It’s 4 a bunch of rsns, like thise post (tw racism) mde by a frnd whch brings up a good point

Part 1: The Actual Intro

Episode 1 = Auction day (AD) Episode 2 = Extinction Party (EP) Episode 3 = Tempation Stairway (TS)

Who is Ena

Ena can b describd as an "abstract girl split in half, w 1 blue side n the other is her yellow side!" Each side (emotion/mood, 2 b specific) seems 2 hav their own voic actor credited along with seper8 credits 4 each mood! So far the canon sides r Ena (happy), Ena (sad), n Ena (drunk)! They seem 2 act accordingly: Happy acts happy n optimistc, Sad acts sad n especlly depressd, n Drunk acts confused n dizzy [In the Credits, it would look like thise: Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman, (drunk) Ena by Sam Meza

4 Episodes 1-2, thy follow thise pattern exctly! So we cn expect wht 2 see from them, n each voice actor is creditd accordngly as seper8 b all a part of Ena

On epside 3, Ena is seen as actng diffrnt!! She's suddnly less predictabl! I say thise bc Suddenly, her voic Actors r not stuck 2 Only their sides. Thise is also emphasized when looking at the credit list! No longer is it "Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman" it's now jst "ENA by Gabe V. and Lizzie Freeman"

Happy's voic can sound STRESSED n sad, Happy can tlk w Blue's side in mor control n Sad's voic can sound Really happy n optimistic. Somth's Diffrnt n Not The Same

Temptation Stairway Summary

Skipping 2 my point, The summary of the episode Temptation stairway is tht Moony and Ena have a bet 2 race 2 the Great Runas! The Great Runas, can grnt u any wish accordng 2 Moony n som of those Ena passes by on the wy. The wager, is tht "whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser" (yes it’s phrased like that) As Ena journeys thru, The DIFFERENCES between Ena Temptation Stairway and Ena Extinction Party n Below, is mor obvious as the epsde progrsses, even 2 wher Happy's voic actor is the 1 screamng in agony 2 jst get murdered already. The Episode ends w Moony beatng Ena (but it's 100% possibl it can be the other way arnd, that ENA Beat Moony, b thats somth I'll discuss in a bit L8r). Moony splits in half, revealing that according 2 her, "she wished 2 be skinny" n a humanoid coms out of her previous form. As 4 Ena, Her blue side slowly dispprs n its not answrd why.

Theories so far, are:

Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy (or 4 her sad/blu side 2 go awy. 4 wht reason can b eithr wholsom or 2 Moony's advntge [like so she "doesnt have 2 deal w Sad Ena"]) - b if Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy/b rid of her sad side, tht wld mean perhaps she lied about wishing 2 be skinny (her new humanoid form may be how she is "paying her debt 2 the loser"). Unless the Runas can grant u more than 1 wish.

Ena ws the 1 who wished her blu side awy, whch is a little depressng tbh

If both the above r tru, it may b possibl bc it wsnt clarified (afaik) tht the great runas can only grant ONE person a wish (or more). I think we only get tht implica8ion bc we see 1 (open) door while in the distance, ther r more doors tht look like their eyes r closed. We hav 2 remembr Moony said "whoever makes their wish 1st whch means Ena n Moony can totlly mke wishes @ the sme time

Somhow, turning pure yellow/only happy is how Moony is payng her debt 2 Ena(??) (opposite 2 the 1st theory)

OR If Ena won the race, it can even b possibl 2 consider tht Ena did not make ANY wish, n her debt 2 pay 2 Moony is her sad/blue side removed (I do not subscribe 2 thise) 

This info that was brought up 2 me is high evidenc that Moony won the race, n it explains how Moony surprises Ena whn Ena arrives. “I’m The Best and you’re the worst! I wonder who got the hair chest?” said by Ena, is a direct reference 2 a phrase usd by kids when they lose that goes “First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest.”

“Whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser.“ Might be phrased tht way as a weird way 2 pay 4 ur greed? (Last minute addition from me since some people wld think this is quoted wrong in and outside of the youtube comments)

i'm p sure ther may even b mor theories b i dont rmmbr them OOPS

Part 2: The Implied Integration Part AKA: How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode

TW: Final fusion discussion, medical trauma (Is that the right word)

Disclaimer: This is 100% unintended by Joel G. That’s y the Alternative title 2 thise part is “How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode”

2 GET IN2 the whole Implied Integr8ion part of my Essay™ I hav a theory calld system ena or sys!ena! (Check out my #system ena tag. This is in chronologicl order!) While thers no canon explan8ion 4 how Ena herslf is how she is, she mkes very intrstng n almst good accdntl Sys Represent8ion 2 me! They even show cofronting rlly well! I headcanon Ena as a system bc of the accidentl system!rep, but it explains 2 me y n how she switches! she has triggers 4 when she switchs 2 a diffrnt side, etc!

Ther hav been theories about Temptation Stairway in the past (before the episode cme out) wher ppl try 2 explain y the trailer Looks Like Tht. Besides theorizing abt the introduction of a new forme (I'm ok w just calling it Scared/Anxiety 4 now until 4rthr notic), 1 of the theories ive seen is tht Temptation Stairway's new introduced forme is due 2 being something akin 2 being "integr8d" (probably by force, accordin 2 the OP) (in other words, all her sides merge in2 one) n Ena being devast8td abt it

While tht theory is now DEBUNKED, bc the new forme clearly did not come out bc of being One Single Mind now, the "integr8ion" part of tht theory is unfortun8ly a littl tru

What is Integr8ion?

Integr8ion is not inherently a bad thing. In systems, ther are 2 definitions: "the breaking down of barriers 2 form healthy multiplicity, n then healthy communic8ion n less amnesiac barriers" and the othr, n mor FAMOUS definition bc its the oldest 1, is "final fusion"

Fnal Fusion is when all the members "fuse/merge" 2gether until ther is 1 single mind left. While not necssrlly a bad thng, final fusion n ther4 "integr8ion" is a scry thing 4 a lot of systems 2 talk abt, because in the history of Treatment, Final fusion is uslly somthng forcd on2 systems 4 the longest time :^(

Very valid 2 hav final fusion as a goal, b showng it as a desire n end goal is uslly seen as a sad n even scry thing 2 promote accdntly or not in media, bc of the previous traumas in the medicl/therapy world of system treatment etc

What's Worse. is tht if we apply the Ending 2 Temptation Stairway to the System!Ena Theory, thts wht hurts!!!

Scrolling back up 2 the possibl theories of who won the race and wht happened aftr, Either Moony or Ena wishing 4 the blue side/Sad Ena 2 go awy is rlly painful!

B I'll be honest, thts a RLLY biased n personal opinion i hav!! I've seen ppl think its rlly wholsom altho a bit Sad, tht the blue side disappears. I've seen ppl think its rlly sweet esp if it was Moony who mde tht wish

BSCLLY If I were to hold on2 the System!Ena headcanon while watchng the Temptation Stairway episode, its Hurtful, not rlly bc of the implied Integr8ion of Sides, but bc most top theories r that the blue side disappeard on Purpose either from Moony or Ena wishing her away or involvng the debt! It's like asking 4 ur sibling irl 2 Disappear and cease 2 exist. it's scary n rlly sad esp whn the audienc can c tht Sad, Happy, n Drunk cn almst b seen as their own persons n mite even b abl 2 interact w each othr (as seen by the many fanart of Happy n Sad having their own seper8 forms)

  Ok so Now tht ive described my intro n Main Beef w the Episode, here's a theory I cn rlly get behind tht dsnt mke me wnna cry behind a Denny's. Prsnlly it's a rlly relievng theory even if it mite b hard 2 take in

Ther's no name 4 it, som call it the Enaverse, b just so it dsnt get confusd w other definitions (like, u wldnt call it the Marvel Cinematic Universe theory, the MCU is jst wht it is) I'm gnna call it the Multi-Ena theory! Bsclly, there's mor than 1 Ena in thise universe. But I'll get in2 a sub/partner theory tht is also possibl: ther is mor than 1 enaverse n somhow u may or may not b abl 2 travel between them

Part 3: The Multi-Ena theory

Something interesting I noticed was that the shepherds says “another ENA troublemaker?” Which definitely means more than one ENA/person has been there before.

(I blockd out the rest of the commnt not bc it ws bad, b i wantd 2 focus on this part of the commnt, but thise commnt will come up again L8r)

Not connected 2 System!Ena or the integr8ion issue I mentioned earlier, the multi-ena theory seems 2 b 1 of the top suggstd theories bc of many thngs! Bsclly n in short, thise theory believs tht in the series (or Enaverse), ther is multipl ena's! So fr i havent seen a post tht RLLY went in2 depth on thise so here is my attempt!

Evidence:

(See: above explanation on how the voic actors r credited 4 their roles individlly 2 explain my system!ena theory/intro) In episodes 1-2, Ena's diffrnt emotions/sides r creditd individually! In Temptation Stairway, Gabe n Lizzie Freeman r all creditd undr the sme nme, just as "Ena" (mening thise is a completely different Ena from the past)

Again, as said in my summry 4 Tempt8ion Stairway, thise Ena acts compltly diffrnt n is not follwng the sme "pattern" or rules as Ena did in Episodes 1-2! (Read above in my summary section) Either ther r stuff we've missd between Extinction Party n Temptation Stairway, or thise is a diffrnt Ena entirely.  I'd hav 2 sy prsnlly tht I'm leanng 2wrds the latter bc of how the VA's are crdtd. but if ur not convinced, let me continu:

When we meet the Shepard in 7:52 of the episode, they say (verbatim) "Arghh... Another ENA trouble maker." which implies there r more than 1 Ena's

9:08 - 9:19 when Ena jumps in2 the "Holy Code" where we head undrwtr in2 a sea of diffrnt doors, we see floating Ena models (n the comment section seems 2 gravit8 2 callng them "dead bodies") (Honorary mention: You'll notic they glitch in2 Mannequins if u pay attention 2 them). This piec of info is Direct Evidence 2 the multi-ena theory, bc ther r Explicitly mor thn 1 ena's on screen! wht's concernng n unanswrd tho, is y do they glitch in2 mannequins? Does tht mean all the mannequins we sw on screen in the begnng of the video (n onwards) were all previously an Ena? Is it only an Ena tht can transform in2 a mannequin or cn othr chrctrs also become mannequins?

Not the strongst evidenc b i'll input it anywy: Ena's Action boxes (Like when she receivs or gives items) spell her nme her as ƎNA (with a backwrds E). The thing abt thise 1 is tht we can't compare it with Auction Day n Extinction Part bc they don't have any action boxes. BUT What we CAN compare is how she is spelled in the dialogue boxes of those speakng in diffrnt languages AND in the Credits! In Episodes 1-2, She's Spelled as Ena with this captialis8ion. In Temptation Stairway the dialogue and credits consitntly spell her as ENA in all caps. May or may not allude 2 her being diffrnt, b i will admit this is the most Strechiest piec of evidnc. Tru or not, I'd like 2 refer 2 Tempt8ion Stairway ena as TS!Ena or ƎNA, prsnlly 2 differenti8 her frm the othr episodes

Pronounci8ion: BUT 2 build on the above evidence, In the beginning of the episode, Moony DOES pronounc Ena's name in different wys a lot, startng w I-NA (ai-na), ENA (ehna), n finally JENA. And this isnt new! She’s been doing it sinc Auction Day (ee-nah/ii-na) n Extinction Party (ay-nah). Thise may or my not sggst that perhaps Moony's inconsistancy is bc these othr pronunci8ions or names cld b of other ena's she's met in the past w similr or diffrnt preferences! I’d say because of her constant switchng in the beginning of Temptation Stairway, it would lean 2wards that she may know different Ena’s @ once. Otherwise, c the Multi-Enaverse theory below

Note: Every othr charctr besides Moony (So far; Merci and the Shepard) Pronounces Ena as ehna (or ehna) so it might be that perhaps Eh-na is the universal way of pronouncng Ena?

Conlusions/thghts on this theory: I prsnlly like thise a lot!! It makes Enasonas Very Possible, b also tht any interpret8ion of Ena cn b corrct or possibl! It knda saddens me tho bc im not rlly sure if we'll ever return 2 the Ena we're used 2, I wldnt rlly want 2 b stuck w/o Sad bc I thnk her role is rlly neat n can b importnt, b im biasd. I also rlly subscribe 2 thise theory bc it means whtvr happend 2 TS!Ena ds not hav 2 be permanent in the long run; Again litrlly the only thng keepng me from gettng supr upset abt the ending of Temptation Stairway, is tht the prev ena’s r not the sme n wld possibly not do thise, or tht ther r othr ena’s out ther besides THISE episod 1, who wld nvr do tht, etc

Part 4: The Multiple Enaverses/Multi-Enaverse Theory AKA The Alternative In Defense of Moony Mispronouncing Ena’s name over and over

An alterntve 2 the Multi-Ena theory, is tht there is MORE thn 1 Enaverse! So bsclly, a multiverse theory. Primarily thise my explain Not jst Ena's sudden Shift in how diffrnt she is in thise episode b may also explain how Diffrnt Moony is actng in thise episode 2. While thise isnt the top theory i prsnlly subscribe 2 (sinc ther isnt explicit evidence besides it bein an explan8ion 4 Moony n Ena's weird/diffrnt behavior), it DOES open a lot of doors 2 intrstng things 2 thnk abt!

Bsclly Moony keeps mispronouncing Ena’s name a lot (in Tempation Stairway) n its Really Rude, esp consdrng she’s always said it properly (As in @ least 1nce in an episode n not switchng multiple times) b4! so 2 Explain her Sudden change in behavior, this is actlly a Different Moony, besides a different Ena. this is a whole different universe/timeline!

LIKE If not multiple Ena's, The different Loca8ions in Ena cn probbly b traversible across dimensions! The Holy Code may b the door 2 diffrnt enaverses. The Shepard's garden cld b an interdimensionl place tht is singular n deals w diffrnt beings passing thru! While i dnt hav mch 2 sy on thise, its RLLY Interestng 2 thnk abt

Like the Multi-Ena theory, thise also opens the doors 2 enasonas being vry possibl :^) Som ppl's evidences r all involvng Moony besides how Ena's rlly diffrnt

Moony can skateboard??

Moony's square shape hole can shrink 2 hold an item

while not strong ATM or frm wht i cn see, its still very inch restng!!! Tho I would sy it is VERY on par w the Multi-Ena theory anyway

Part 5: Honorary Mentions: Mini Theories

The Great Runas is actlly a play on the "Run As" Command! I'm not very Smart engh 2 break thise down vry well, b bsclly w all the allusion 2 "codes" n the Blood ID looking like a Chip, The Great Runas being abl 2 grant u wishes makes a lot of sense! This ws brought up 2 me from a friend (@ambercard​)!

like its a command line. so then the great runas being able to grant wishes makes sense if its digital world like all the code stuff says Allows a user to run specific tools and programs with different permissions than the user's current logon provides.

Runas is a command-line tool that is built into Windows Vista. To use runas at the command line, open a command prompt, type runas with the appropriate parameters, and then press ENTER.

In the user interface for Windows Vista, the Run as… command has been changed to Run as administrator. However, you should rarely have to use the Run as administrator command because Windows Vista will automatically prompt you for an administrator password when it is needed.

and my friend who i was talking to said that probably explains what the password was for and the blood id being a login or something?

its possible using the blood id akin to using the run as administrator command since idk their name but one of the people ena met said the blood id didnt seem like her which is like. if she isnt administrator then it would make sense that using that command wouldnt match who she is

My response:

man do u realiz Ena uslly does not hav the corrct passwrd/admin privileges all the tme? Bc the guardian entity in extinction party askd her 4 1 b i guess it ws so Low Game tht it wsnt supr necsrry in the end

The Enaverse is all a computer code of some sort- most probbaly a game! AKA: This is a digital world

... If we were too treat this world as a video game this would make more sense since different play through bus and all that. Oh god this feels like a fnaf situation, taking a video that just wants to be a video and turning it into a big serious thing

Going with the whole ‘there are multiple enas representing the player’ theory, perhaps this ENA realized that she’s in a video game and isn’t taking it too well? But the game is kind of glitching out because of it.

Honorable Mentions: Random Info + Unanswered Questions

Ena seems self-aware of smth! (10:24 Ena screams "YOU'RE ALL LIVING A LIE!") May help the Run as command idea n the video game/digital reality idea! If not a video gme, they sure r Somewhere

What does the Great Runas look like?? is it the door? is ther mor thn 1 Runas?

What is Mariya n Gabo's Job? R they just like the Guardian Entity in Extinction Party but are assignd 2 this part/location of where they are?

In 6:30, wht does Ulysses mean by "Desires r never fulfilled nor quenched"? "You Will fail like the rest of them" Is he referring 2 the other Ena's that's passed by? who else have come n failed?

This Post Also brings up som good points I hvnt noticd yet!

Thise comment pretty much says everythng:

Standout things from this animation:

-This Ena switches between a male & female voice at seemingly random instead Happy speaking with a male voice and Sad speaking with a Sad voice. The text boxes noticeably refer to this Ena with a reversed E, and The Shepard says "Another Ena troublemaker", implying that there are multiple Enas. We also see some Ena corpses flickering into the mannequin bodies at one point. Third, at the end we see Ena's sad half turn from blue to yellow over the course of Ena & Moony's conversation. My personal theory is that this Ena is possibly 'broken' in some manner. -Moony either doesn't care or dosen't realize that Ena's voices aren't matching the personalities anymore. -The grey personality appears to come out when Ena gets too stressed out. Notably the transformation involves the happy half turning into static and exploding out, erasing Ena's face in the process. It also appears that some physical trauma (in this case, Brick Frog kicking Ena) is necessary to exit the grey personality, unlike the previously seen 'blackout' personalities which can possibly be switched by the other personality exerting themselves (in the auction episode, Ena enters her sad blackout/depressed personality, then switches to Happy!Ena, who apologizes to Moony about her depressed outburst). -Moony's hole is capable of closing to hold things, and she also knows how to skateboard. -Judging by Ena's reaction, Moony's transformation at the end is weird even by this universe's standards.

aaaand thats all 4 now! I really hope thats all my brain can think of skjsdhfsdfkh

Feel free 2 send me asks abt Ena theories n stuff! While this is a Comprehensiv post, it’s definitely mor focused on the Multi-Ena theory n my thghts on the episode whn it comes 2 how it affects the System Ena theory. I’m open 2 questions!!

Last Edit: Feb 19 2021 (GMT +8)

[starmanleo]

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon:Rising Enigma Chapter 8

Costello looked at the Meowstic standing before him. He really did look at him. He saw fur that was trimmed and groomed in an almost obsessive sense. He saw something in his eyes that he attributed to worry. Why was he seeing this?  Costello had no idea. No. He had an idea but it was underneath something that he couldn't get a mental grasp on. He could only see the shadows of understanding and the darkness he was left with was starting to infuriate him.  Alzbell continued his explanation.

"Ok. I might understand what you're going through and I might have a way to get a different perspective on the matter." "And that is?" "Simple! Using the Psychic type method of mental projection, we should be able to morph your unconscious in a way that's more.. easy to understand. In more simple terms, I'll be going inside your head." Costello calmly sat up in the therapy chair. "No." "Look. I understand that you may have some hang ups-" "I have quite alot of hang ups. I'm not going to let some non-professional punk mess around in my head." "Look, we can argue about my professional experience, but if you wanna get on the path of finding out what's causing your lack of memories, then you're going to have let me do my work." "Explain the process then." "What?" "Have you done this before, what are the side effects, what do I need to do?" A sigh from the Meowstic. "Ok look. What might be happening to you is something I've seen before. Certain Psychic types have the ability to mess with people's head. Mental blocks, changing memories, etcetera . So if I go inside your head, I can get a better gist of what may be troubling you. " There it was again. That damned burning sensation in the side of his head. "Got it. What do I need to do?" With a slow stretch,Alzbell extended his ears outwards. "Simply just relax and picture a room. A simple room, you can add flowers and chairs and the like but what I need in your head is to think for your brain and just put that into a room format."

Costello lied back down in his chair. His head was racing. Thoughts moving in a pattern of shooting stars across the large dark expanse. It was big but everything moved in order. It was all under his control. His body melted over as his breath slowed.  From the leather to it stretching out over the chair. It was an ever growing sphere of events. A part of that sphere replicated into a smaller piece and moved on to think about the leather and its moral quandaries and the idea of pleather. That and the question on how he even knew what pleather was. The main sphere remained intact and slowly started morphing itself.  Unseen hands laid its fingerprints on the slowly growing sphere. Flattening it out into an infinite plain. Bit by bit, walls grew and moved to force dimensions on the space until it is no more but corridors within 2 walls, a floor, and a roof. Within those confines grows blue energy, it is a sudden expansion until it takes the form of the Meowstic. Alzbell.

"Wow. Your process is alot more abstract than I was expecting." said Alzbell. The cat stretched each of his limbs raising his arms up and down. "Alot less floaty than the usual brainscape and the lighting is a bit brighter than I expected but so far so normal." "Great." said Costello. His voice came from.. well even the Treecko didn't know exactly where it was coming from. Everything felt like him, an extension of what he was. "Ok, next up is getting you a physical form." Alzbell pointed to himself.  "Your first attempt is gonna be a bit hard, everything here is kinda- "Done." Alzbell turned behind himself to see Costello.  A bit darker green but still the same Costello. Alzbell chuckled. "Usually it takes longer for Pokemon to form themselves." "I know exactly what I am. It wouldn't take me so long to pull myself together." "So it would just be Mind over Matter? Heh." "What?" "Nothing nothing." The cat waved away the matter. "Just brain jokes." Costello shrugged." So what are we looking for? And where are we?"

"We're currently in the empty parts of your brain. The space between where your thoughts form and where they become active. We're going to find the source of your thoughts and maybe find your missing your memories." "Aren't they gone?" "Depends. Sometimes its cut off, sometimes the right Neuron pattern hasn't been engaged. Other times its a mental block. Very rarely are memories just gone. Its like putting something on a higher shelf. Doesn't mean its gone, just out of reach." "Which one applies to me?" "From what you've told me, it seems to be an inorganic Mental block. You're missing memories but not in a natural way.  Head trauma wasn't apparent according to what I've heard and the fact you've been able to form your head-space like this tells me you're not suffering from brain trauma.  That and the fact that you've been able to form and retain new memories with no problem shows me that you're not a normal amnesiac. It could also be you repressing traumatic memories but I'm not that kind of professional. " "What are you leaving out then? You didn't take me into my own head because of something that could be fixed with therapy." There was a pause from Alzbell. "As far as I know, this is an extreme case of mental tampering. The kaleidoscope simile works when someone has been messed with in a way that goes beyond a simple repression of memories. Whoever did this, executed it in way that nearly demolished your brain." Alzbell looked to his left and right. The walls pulsed in unidentifiable patterns, each glow bundled in what looked like millions of tiny spotlights. "Though with what you've described, its odd that someone would put a suggestion in your head." He turned around to Costello. "If you don't mind, can you make a room with your memories. Let's think of it as more of a...gallery if you know what is." The gecko closed his eyes. "Paintings, fancy, hanging on the wall. Understood." The room melted around them, leaving them in a pool of charcoal grey. The room reformed as the grey moved into shapes of statues and paintings. The two Pokemon stood in the middle of this exhibit of memories made permanent in the image of marble and copper.  They found themselves facing one such painting detailing what appeared to be a dramatic retelling of Alzbell and Costello's encounter with Alzbell being covered in what appeared to be a psychic energy, behind his desk in an intimidating light. The features of this pigment based Meowstic didn't match the overall features of the Meowstic standing next to him, who for some reason was now wearing a suit. A side eye was given by Costello. "What? This is a sophisticated event. It would be an offense to the curator to not show proper respect to the occasion." The polite grin of an art critic manifested itself on Alzbell's face and the look of it simply annoyed the Treecko. "Let us explore what hangs on these very tasteful walls. By the way, nice job on my facial features. I had no idea I was so "intimidating" to you. "It wasn't like that." "Yes I know. It happens. The brain tends to represent new memories in a much more exaggerated light in order to remember them. Though I would describe my aura as alot more.... wait."

The feline turned to look at a part of the mental gallery that had just formed. Along with something guarding the door . It stood on two frontal talons with one in the back for support. A scarlet red covered its underbelly with only a green horizontal line to interrupt it. Two claws to make up its hand with 3 leafy blades sprouting out its forearm. Its head had one lone but long leaf coming out in a sort of pony tail while its face showed some genetic disposition towards a quiet confidence.

"Well." said Alzbell. "I presume you're the manifestation that has infected the mind of this young one. There was only silence in response and a look of disinterest. "No answer?" The Grovyle looked at Costello, then looked at Alzbell. "Well, if you're not one for conversation, then I would have to ask you to move aside from that door." The only response to be found "Its longer. Longer than usual. We're usually done by now." "I'm sorry what-" A cough echoed from the mouth of Costello. He felt his throat tighten as he fell to his knees. "See, that's late."

The room melted around them. The copper bubbling and boiling as though fire had taken the place of its soul and its body started to reject it.

"No, no no!" The ears of the cat sprout up to attention, the entire room covers itself in that same psychic glow. The room itself is past the point of recognizing. The statues and painting have pooled into the floor around the three as Costello laid gasping. The glow intensifies as it tries to reform the hallway but to no avail. All that is left is an expansive Ocean of thoughts. Memories of Costello meeting Liam scatter its surface. Memories of fighting the Dewott. Darkness covered the surface as it was replaced by the memory of a Riolu staring at the sunset with a Totodile. A memory of simpler times.

The glow starts to fade, and a wild look enters Alzbell's eyes as the pool starts to envelop him. " Arc damn it, who are you?!" That same look of disinterest remained on his face. on the face of the Grovyle as the cat is swalloed and  melted away into the liquid infinite.

Costello blinked once. He was  back in the hallways. Alzbell was gone leaving him and that tightening sensation as he gasped for air. It was strangling him. It hurts. Why did it hurt? Get the talons off my neck!

Costello blinked for a second time. It didn't hurt anymore. There was nothing to hurt. It was simply him. Simply existence.  And then there was something... something forced into him. It was in a hurry, improperly placed and it hadn't fully taken form.

A Rush job on all sides. Before him stood the Grovyle. "Do you know how hard it is to organize things to make sure he doesn't figure it out? Alzbell is good at this stuff. Very good. He's actually still fighting get back in here." "What... are you?" "I'm you." "Are.. you going to hurt me?" "There's no reason to hurt myself." "Why...?" ".... "

A third time. Costello was on his back and wet. There was a mushroomed thing on two legs holding a bucket. Behind him stood Liam and Braviary, the latter of which was chewing the feline out for going into Costello's head, and Alzbell was directing his fury at the Breloom for "interrupting his work and "getting water on his one good therapy couch." Behind them stood... the eyes. Looking down on him with annoyance. Thea.

Liam rushed over to Costello, trying to pull him up out of his puddle. "Oi, you alright Cos?" "Its...Costello." A smile grew on the rabbit's face. "Knew you were. Was getting a bit worried there mate. Mr.Braviary was near knocking the door down to get at you. What was happening in there?" "Just... alot of stuff. Why are you here?" The Corviknight spoke from the back. "He's here because its time to get you two into basic training."

[redridcr]

ok but elaborating

My therapist diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder and we went over my habits of catastrophic thinking, jumping to conclusions, trying to mind read, etc. It's a long story short of being generally shy and nervous as a kid, my mom divorcing my dad suddenly at 17, and then getting a job in my early twenties that was a toxic work environment before I got my current school job. It's also a long story of having these thinking patterns for so long that I just figured they were my 'normal' and natural habits.

The anxiety and intrusive thoughts have always been there. I don't want to say I ignored them, but I survived through them for a really long time.

idk not to make this go on or over explain myself, but it's been a couple months of exercising my brain so that even tasks in my house aren't. chores. or things that HAVE to be done before I allow myself to relax. or making a List I have to Abide By before I can Do Things I Enjoy. It's been - still realizing that the dishes should be done and the trash taken out on a certain day but also realizing. I can do the Thing at any time. And that means Before or After an activity I Enjoy.

It's realizing there will always be things To Be Done, and there's no magic oasis of infinite time where I can Finally Relax when the Thing is Done.

I can do the Thing Later and Still Relax now.

And that's how I need to treat Tumblr right now tbh. I try not to let it on BC I so logically understand some of my worries are irrational, but I do / did sincerely worry about. If I was replying enough. If I was discussing ships enough on Discord. What if I followed someone and they didn't follow me back?

And like, I can't do that to myself right now. BC logically, no one actually Cares THAT much. And I don't mean that in a bad way. No one is thinking the way I am assuming they are, or preceiving my actions in a certain negative, lack luster way.

And if they are, well that's another issue to be addressed if it comes up.

IDK, I'm in slow mode right now and I love u all alot

bless you all for being patient with my molasses paced reply rate right now. love u all KISSES

[bnhababyyyy]

Bro’s before that kinda bro part 7/??

A/N: HGIsioNGIEO Thank you for waiting!!! 😭😭This chapter was incredibly hard to write LMAOOO but I hope you guys enjoy it! Thank you for your support!!😭😭❤️❤️❤️

---------------------------------------------------------

Your room was filled with this tooth grinding silence. You were so used to the laughter and conversations you had with Todoroki that this silence stung. You didn't realize how much of an effect he had on your sleep pattern, now it took hours to fall asleep without him.

You wished the two of you didn’t talk about everything because now everything reminded you of him. Unwelcome memories would wake you in the middle of the night and make you cry yourself back to sleep, and tonight was one of those drench your pillow in your tears kind of night’s.

You gave him so much and it felt like he gave you the bare minimum as a friend. You opened your heart up and tried your best to improve your relationship only for him to not care. Ever since the trip ended Todoroki didn’t try to resolve anything, he passed you in halls and acted like he didn’t even know you. You wanted him to talk it out but he ignored every text and call you sent, the two of you had gotten so far in your relationship you didn’t expect him to drop you so fast.

Lately you have been passing out in the middle of a break down and waking up to a soaking wet pillow. Tonight’s breakdown went way longer than usual, to the point where you were falling asleep by the time your alarm rang. You jumped awake to the sound and moved out of your bed, you were too exhausted to think and not ready to deal with today’s drama.

As soon as you and Jirou returned to school, Midnight pulled you both to the side and explained what your punishment was for sneaking out so late. The two of you were in charge of cleaning the classroom before and after school for a whole month. 

You and Jirou still hadn’t made up after all that time, the tension from the conversation of that night (which was over a week ago) still hung high. Since the two of you were too stubborn to apologize and move on, you would both work in this stiff, awkward silence. 

When you arrived at the classroom you were shocked to see Kaminari with cleaning supplies instead of Jirou. You couldn’t help but stare at him until he noticed you. “Kami? What are you doing here?” 

He looked surprised. ”You’ve been cleaning too? Why didn’t you ever tell me!?”

Ever since the trip, you and Kaminari didn’t talk about anything that happened the night of the dance and made a silent agreement to not tell the group either. The both of you did your best to act like he never confessed and you were on good terms still, but being alone with him and no need for filters felt unnerving. 

You shifted your attention to grabbing a broom. “Did you get caught sneaking out?”

“Yeah, I was too busy crying to notice any teachers sneak up on me.”

You choked. Guilt slammed into your gut as the memory of that night flew into your mind. “Kami I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to-“

“No I was kidding. It’s fine, It wasn’t all your fault.” He flicked your nose. “I got in more trouble for going off on Midnight though. So now I gotta clean three classrooms a day.”

“Really? How long have you been cleaning?”

“I dunno…” he checked the time. “For like two hours! I mean it’s not that bad since I can clean whatever classroom I want but no one told me you were cleaning in here.”

Before you could respond Jirou walked in. You and Kaminari both whipped around to see her standing at the doorway with her eyes switching between the two of you.

“What’s he doing here?” She asked, avoiding eye contact with Kaminari.

“Oh he was caught too. Don’t worry I’m sure we can finish fast!” 

When she didn’t say anything the room got incredibly quiet. 

“Uh good morning Jirou!” Kaminari said, to try and fill the silence but Jirou only scoffed making the silence hit harder. She obviously didn’t like you talking with Kaminari but you ignored her attitude and went back to cleaning, you didn’t feel like dealing with any drama at the moment. 

As you cleaned Kaminari would constantly ask if you needed help. Which was fine until he asked “Do you need help with that?” for the twentieth time that day. You found it getting awkward. Each time he asked how you were doing Jirou would flinch and glance at the two of you. It was hard to not notice and Kaminari’s obliviousness to it set you on edge. 

Eventually you got so caught up in your thoughts that you accidentally knocked over a glass jar but when you tried to save it you instead got cut by the shards that bounced off the floor. You hissed as soon as you felt the air hit the cut, a burning sensation coursed through your hand quickly. Kaminari ran to your side in a split second, already cupping your hand in his.

“Woah- you okay!?”

You retracted your hand from his when you felt Jirou’s stare on you. “No I’m fine! I can just get a bandaid later, let's finish cleaning!”

“Are you crazy?” He pointed to the cabinet in the back of the classroom. “I can’t just leave you here to bleed out. Sit down, I'm gonna find something in there.”

As Kaminari looked for a first aid kit, Jirou approached you with a clean napkin. You were shocked, you didn’t think she would help at all.

Jirou only shook her head as she adjusted the napkin on your cut. “How are you that clumsy?”

You felt your shoulders loosen up. It was kind of nice having her not ignore you, although she did kind of insult you, you felt a smile begin to form on your face. This was the most interaction you have had with her the whole week. So you would take it.

Kaminari approached you with a first aid kit and immediately got to work on healing your hand. Jirou kept her distance from him by sweeping the glass while he applied the disinfectant and wrapped the bandage. You felt awkward having so much attention on you, it was only a small cut but they were putting so much care into you, (Even if Jirou was kind of mad) you felt like it was a serious medical procedure. You hoped everything would work itself out soon so you could all return to the way things used to be.

But that might not happen for a while. When Kaminari finished he did something you didn’t expect him to ever do in the presence of Jirou. Or just in general because you thought that maybe he had some sense in him. The man was completely oblivious to everything, of course something like this would happen. 

“Yeah be careful with your hands, they might not be as soft if you keep being so clumsy.” Then he,

Pinched. Your. Cheek. 

You held down a gag. The moment of softness and ease was immediately snatched away. Jirou looked  hurt as she tied up a garbage bag. Why would he say that? Why would he do that!? Especially in front of Jirou? He must have realized his mistake when Jirou threw the bag to the floor and stormed out the room in an instant. 

You and Kaminari stared at the doorway with your jaws to the floor. 

“Kaminari what the hell was that!? You know she still has feelings for you, why did you do that!?”

Kaminari raised his hands in defense. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make her mad! It just came out before I could think about it!”

“You can’t just...” You groaned into your hand, trying to calm your nerves. “Kami, you can’t just make flirty jokes like that in front of the girl you just rejected! The whole day you asked if I needed help instead of her, I'm sure she was already pretty pissed off!”

“I know, yeah, it’s just hard to think about other people when I still- you know…” Kaminari’s eyes drifted to the floor.

Right. You forgot he still had feelings for you. “Yeah, I know I get it.” You looked him in the eye. “Just keep your boundaries, don’t flirt with me like that in front of her or like in general, you know how I feel.”

He paused, his expression turning sour. “I don’t know how you feel, we haven’t properly talked about this. And I don’t know where our boundaries are, I kinda never knew where they were in the first place.” 

“What do you mean you never knew where they were? When did we ever touch each other’s faces like that? I don’t remember you showing any romantic gestures before you confessed.”

“What? I’ve always done that kinda stuff, and you've done it to me too.” He held his hand out. “You would always hold my hand and rub it and stuff, how is that not a flirty gesture.”

“Kaminari I do that with my other friends too!” 

“Oh really, like who?” 

You paused, racking your brain for any proof to back you up. You didn’t want him to be right, it felt like there was someone on the tip of your tongue who you held hands with all the time. Then it hit. The only other person who held your hand from night to morning, when either of you were struggling, whenever they just felt like it was,

“Todoroki…” you groaned.

“Exactly.” He nodded. “You only did that with the guy you liked and me. So how can that not be considered a flirty gesture, I thought you only did that with the people you liked!”

You were taken aback, you never thought he saw you holding his hand as a romantic thing. But if that did look like one, then it explained why so many people thought you two were dating. You couldn’t remember if the two of you even flirted that much, everything past the night of the dance was hazy.

You sank into your chair. “Ok, yeah, I get what you mean. That does seem kinda flirty when you put it that way…” You inspected your palm as you thought about how much damage a simple hand hold could bring. “Should we just stop hanging out then, I mean what do we even do?”

“What, no way! We just gotta set up some new boundaries.” He pulled a sheet of paper from his backpack and tore it in half. “Write down stuff you don’t want me to do anymore on the front and stuff you do want me to do on the back! I’ll do the same for you.”

You reached for the paper and continued to stare at him. The two of you would get into stupid arguments alot, but your relationship would always get stronger in the end. This made you a little happier than usual, yeah he was a bit of a pain but he always tried his best to salvage your friendship in different ways.

As you thought back on the past week you realized how ridiculous it was for you to be scared in confronting him about his confession. No matter what, he would always come back and you felt beyond grateful to have a friend like him.

“Hey what are you crying for!?” Kaminari‘s hands almost went to your face, but just as quickly retracted. You ran your sleeve over your wet face with an awkward laugh. You didn’t even feel any tears running down. (You were probably a little too used to crying)

You waved him off, beginning to write away your new set of boundaries for Kaminari.

By the time class started you were forming a plan in your head. You were going to fix all of the relationships that went haywire on the trip, you were not going to sit in your self pity anymore you needed to move on! You doodled your plan out on your worksheet.

Step one: you would talk your problems out with Jirou and discuss how you two would move on from that night.

Step two: You knew Kaminari didn’t want his relationship to be so bad with Jirou, he probably wanted the two of them to be friends again, so get those two to communicate somehow!

Step three:.....

Your pencil hovered over the next step. The only other person who you had to make amends with made you squirm. You silently freaked out as you went over how and where you would approach him but every scenario ended with him still unhappy with you. You just wanted him back in your everyday schedule, and you were sure you could do it, but you needed to figure that out later, right now focus on friends.

You decided to text the group chat you made with the girls that didn’t include Jirou. You sneakily pulled out your phone as the teacher went over a lecture and typed away.

That was it. She didn’t say anything else, but left it very ominous like. You glanced over to Momo but she only sent you a wink before typing away on her phone, not texting your group chat but someone else it seemed. You tried to switch your attention to the lecture but Todoroki caught your eye.

He wasn’t looking at you, or anything actually, he was propped up on his hand falling fast asleep. Todoroki didn’t start napping in class until after the trip. He seemed more exhausted than normal, he would answer questions wrong when called on, he zoned out when others talked to him, and would have slower reactions during training.

Midoriya and Uraraka constantly talked about how zombie-like he had been since the trip and it worried you. You shouldn’t be because he was a jerk that night, but you couldn’t help it. You still cared for him. 

The sound of the bell snapped you out of your thoughts and you began packing away your things. You were feeling a little nervous for whatever plan Momo had created but you tried your best to calm your nerves. You just hoped her plan would make everything go back to normal.

Mina called for you as soon as you left the classroom, with Uraraka and Momo by her side. “(Y/n)!” She grabbed your hand. “Come here hurry hurry we need to grab a table before anyone else does!”

“Oh okay, what’s the plan going to be?” You asked.

Momo piped up beside you as you all rushed through the halls. “So I took a bit of your plan into consideration, but instead of lying to everyone…” you all turned around a corner. “I decided to tell them to meet up for group therapy! So now they all know what they’re coming into!”

You cocked your head. “All? How many people were affected during that trip!?”

“Oh don’t worry, the only people getting counseled are you, Kaminari, Jirou, and Todoroki!”

You gasped. As soon as you heard his name you tripped, nearly pulling Mina down with you. “Wha- You invited him too!?”

“Who, Todo-“

You slapped your hands onto Momo’s mouth making her go quiet. “Yes him! I thought it was only going to be Kaminari, Jirou, and I! What if he… does something?”

“Aw don’t worry. We’ll  all be here for moral support!” Uraraka said. “I'm sure the two of you will probably leave the cafeteria with an even stronger relationship than before!”

Momo nodded peeling your hand off. “Yes, I hope you can get your frustrations out! He’ll understand what you‘re feeling this way.”

“Guy’s c’mon let's hurry it up!” Mina said.

You nodded, feeling dazed as they settled into a table. You appreciated the girl's optimism but it didn’t change the fact that you were still terrified. You felt your heart get caught in your throat while you had this mixed feeling of queasiness and butterflies, just thinking about him activated too many bodily reactions.

You didn’t know if you were ready to talk to him yet. The imagery of him looking disgusted that night continuously flashed in your head over and over. ‘What made you think I wanted you to do that’ the words he said repeating in your mind as the girls talked.

Uraraka asked something but you accidentally tuned her out. “I’m sorry? What’d you say?” 

“I asked if you were okay.” She gestured to your hand. “You’re shaking.”

You hid your hand under the table. “Oh, yeah I’m fine just uh… nervous.”

“Oh, take deep breaths with me!”

“No it’s fine! I’m just a little nervous.”

“Shhh! Just copy me!”

You watched Uraraka as she closed her eyes and took meditative breaths, studying her breathing pattern. Inhaling for a few seconds, holding, exhaling. Inhale….hold....exhale. You slowly closed your eyes and let your worries slip out of your mind, only focusing on your breathing. You were about to get into some heated conversations, you needed something to help calm your nerves and this was it. You felt much looser now than when you first came in.

“That was actually kind of nice. Thank you.” You said.

Uraraka smiled back, looking quite pleased with herself. You began hearing the table gain a few more people, the rest of Bakusquad were beginning to sit at the table. When Kaminari spotted you he walked over to you.

“Hey, are you doing meditation or something?” Kaminari settled into the seat next to you. “I didn’t know he could stress you out without even being here!” 

“Oh shut up,” You slapped his arm. “You’re telling me you’re not nervous? Even when Jirou looks like she wants to strangle you everyday?”

He shook his head. “No way, I’m more hyped since I can yell at Todoroki with an excuse!”

“If that bastard tries to do anything snarky I’ll just kill him at this point.” Bakugou leaned back, letting a few sparks pop from his hand.

“I appreciate the violent gesture Bakugou…” You said.

Kirishima patted Bakugou’s shoulder and leaned back as well. “What he’s trying to say is that we’ve got your back in case he starts being a jerk.”

“Which he often is.” Kaminari coughed.

You rolled your eyes. Your friends figured out when you were out of your zone and somehow knew how to cheer you up (even if it involved threatening your crush). Confidence began to flow through you. You could probably confront him with your friends and get a better hold of your emotions.

As you all talked Jirou came in and chatted away with Momo, completely ignoring you and Kaminari. Time passed as you all changed subjects and casted quick glances to Jirou. You were all waiting for the last person and you couldn’t help but check the time every few seconds. It had already been ten minutes into lunch and Todoroki was a punctual person, you wondered what took him so long. Eventually the rest of the group started to share your thoughts.

Uraraka took out her phone and began dialing. “I texted Todoroki but he never responded,” She turned away from the noise. “I'm gonna call Izuku and ask where he is, you guys should start though!”

Momo clapped her hands together. “That’s fine we can just solve their issues for now! You guys ready?”

You had a gut feeling that Todoroki wouldn’t show up, and with Bakugou’s angry expression you were sure he had the same feeling. Disappointment filled your chest, it felt like he wasn’t trying anymore and it sent a bitter taste down your throat. You wanted him to try and no matter how much you denied it, it felt like a one sided relationship right now.

“Yeah sure let’s start.” Jirou said.

“Great!” Momo exclaimed. “So let’s start with some basics, what happened on the trip that frustrated you?

“Oh that’s easy, Kaminari rejecting me.”

“Uhm it would be Todoroki rejecting me too.”

“Todoroki showing up.” Kaminari said.

You casted him a sideways look. Joking around wasn’t going to get you guys anywhere. “Dude, be serious.”

“I am being serious. If it wasn’t for Todoroki none of this would have happened.” he mumbled. 

You cocked your head as confusion flooded through your mind. You thought the both of you dealt with your issues earlier that morning, you didn’t understand why he decided to bring it up all of a sudden. “He’s not as bad as you make him out to be though 

“Are you kidding? The dude doesn’t care about anyone other than himself!” his tone got more serious. “He would try to be here if he actually cared about you.”

“Todoroki sucks at times but so do I. You keep talking about him so negatively he has bad days like anyone else, I’m sure we're going to make up soon enough.” You tried your best to keep a stable tone, you wanted to believe it but it was hard to do that when Kaminari sounded so accurate to your thinking.

“Why are you so desperate for him?” Jirou piped up.

You paused, your eyebrows furrowing deep. Did you hear her correctly? No, you couldn’t have. “What did you say?”

Momo tried to intervene between you two to stop the conversation from going downhill but you waved her off. You wanted to hear what she had to say.

“I mean you’re all over that guy all the time. Even when he's not here.” She glared at you. “Didn’t he reject you?”

“Jirou why are you being such a jerk? You’ve been so rude this whole week and you’re getting more and more passive aggressive each day.”

She rolled her eyes. “How can I not? The two of you pull stunts like this morning so much it feels like it was done on purpose. I’m not being a ‘jerk’ I’m just pissed off.”

“Same thing!” You threw your hands up. “Look, I’m sorry about this morning but it was not done on purpose, it was just Kam and I being stupid at the wrong time.”

“That is such a lie. You knew he didn’t like me and you wanted me to confess so I could look stupid.”

“Jirou! I didn’t know he liked me until he confessed that night! Nothing was planned!”

As soon as you said that the table let out many gasps and stared at you with their jaws to the floor. You looked over to Kaminari whose face went completely red but you didn’t know what you said that was so crazy. “What’s wrong, what did I say?”

“When did Kaminari confess to you!?” Kirishima leaned over the table, looking at the both of you.

You facepalmed, you forgot that the two of you were trying to keep that a secret. 

Bakugou scoffed. “I knew there was something up with those two all along. They were being too damn weird.”

As Uraraka began a rant about how she was right and you were wrong, you and Kaminari both shared a mutual embarrassment of having your secret loose. You felt sweat pinch and roll off your skin, the tension on the both of you physically burned. 

You were so busy with Jirou you hadn’t noticed that you had revealed your secret. She was trying to drag this conversation but it continued to go into circles. You wanted her to understand that the both of you were not intending to hurt her but she just let her insecurities continue to get the best of her.

“I warned you!” Uraraka pointed at you. “I knew he was going to do something, I just had a gut feeling ya know?”

Jirou nodded. “See everyone knew he liked you. It’s impossible for you to not know it too, it’s such an obvious lie.”

“Jirou, that makes no sense. Just because they knew doesn’t mean I believed it, I only see him as a friend. I mean me and him even set up boundaries for each other!” You felt like you were going to lose your mind. She was dragging this thing on for too long and it all made no sense.

“Yeah Jirou, I’m sorry if it looks like we’ve been pushing you too far. We could maybe make a list of boundaries for you too.” He motioned to his backpack.

“I don’t want to make a list of boundaries! Knowing how you are you’ll probably break them.” Jirou snapped.

Kaminari looked hurt but before you could yell at her for being insensitive Uraraka put her hand on Jirou’s shoulder. “Ok, I think that’s enough. Jirou you’re letting your insecurities get the best of you, I know my friends they wouldn’t do anything manipulative like that. You need to calm down.”

Mina stepped behind Jirou. “Yeah, I mean they should have told us about the confession a long time ago!” She glared at the both of you. “But they wouldn’t ever try to be mean on purpose, I’m sure of it!”

Jirou looked down at the table. She looked seriously in thought, maybe considering the words they were speaking to her. “I just find it hard to believe that-”

You stood from the table. You were not going to listen to her go on another rant about how everyone was against her, you were not in the mood for it. At this point she needed to trust her friends because you couldn’t give anymore reassurance.

“I’m going to lose my mind, I’m this close to throwing my drink at you,” sounds of your friends' protests went your way but you waved them off. “I mean I’m not! But I’m only going to apologize for this morning, everything else is just a conspiracy you made up in your head. I don’t care if you’re angry, just don’t take that out on me.”

The two of you stared at each other, her eyes were unreadable. You couldn’t tell if your words got across to her, but either way you didn’t care, you needed a break. As the two of you stared at each other the bell interrupted your thoughts. You sighed out of relief and walked to class with Mina and Uraraka, Momo wanted to stay back with Jirou.

“I’m really sorry about Todoroki!” Uraraka said. “I didn’t know that he wouldn’t show up at all.”

“No it’s not your fault at all! He sucks and you shouldn’t take the blame for him.” You pinched her cheeks.

Mina wrapped your arm into hers. “Don’t worry, he’s being a jerk but I’m sure the two of you will make up. I mean he looks at you in class all the time.”

You choked on your spit going into a coughing fit. What was she talking about? Everytime you made eye contact with him he would glare you down. He avoided you and your usual route to class, he hadn’t acknowledged you at all what was she talking about?

“Don’t tell me you don’t see that! He looks at you so much I’m always sure you would notice him.” Mina continued.

“I don’t think he could have been looking at me… maybe he was daydreaming in my direction?”

Mina and Uraraka gave you a funny look before shaking their heads. As soon as you entered class the memory of lunch and Todoroki left your mind, all you could think of now was the lesson about ribs and how to not break them. Something about how you have three sets of ribs… blah blah, you felt yourself falling asleep and that’s how the rest of your classes went boring!

You were ready for the weekend, maybe this could be the first weekend you didn’t cry away. You were starting to feel better and it was thanks to your friends' help. When the day ended you walked out with the Baku squad, listening to Bakugou y’all about how he knew you two were hiding something. You and Kaminari had to explain what happened on the trip and why Jirou was going crazy. It felt nice talking to them about that night without crying. You were getting over it.

You decided to go to the dorms and sleep the day off, you didn’t need to worry about homework! Your friends wanted to go shopping instead, so you all went your separate ways, you felt great, like nothing would bring you down. You decided to make yourself a cup of tea before taking a nap, hoping the warmth would help guide you into a meditative sleep.

As you were searching for tea you spotted one of Todoroki’s teacups. It was the one you saw in his hands every morning, asking if you wanted a sip every time he saw you were awake. It hurt seeing it there, almost placed there on purpose. Everything was much simpler then and you wish you could go back.

You hid the cup as soon as you heard someone come into the common room, busying yourself with finding a tea packet. But when you glanced over to see who it was your eyes were met with two heterochromatic ones. 

“What are you doing here?” You whispered more to yourself than him.

“Getting tea,” The two of you stood not moving at all, you were so shocked to see him this whole encounter didn’t feel real. “It’s behind you.” he gestured.

“Oh.” You moved out his way in a daze. You still couldn’t believe that he was standing right in front of you, you couldn’t process anything.

The silence continued as you both waited for the water to heat up, not looking at each other. Soon enough he began pouring his tea and using his quirk to cool it down to his preferred temperature. He was about to walk away but then your body moved on its own again, grabbing his wrist. You couldn’t let him leave yet.

“We need to talk.” You said. He exhaled and stood in place. “I don’t know why you’re acting like nothing happened. Why didn’t you show up for lunch?”

“I was busy.” No emotion in his voice like before, his eyes were unreadable. You remember Todoroki acting like this when you met in his “I’m not here to make friends” phase. A reminder that you were back to square one.

“Midoriya and Uraraka said even they couldn’t get a hold of you today.” You cleared your throat, preventing yourself from making any voice cracks. “And you haven’t been responding to my calls from the past week either, how can you be that busy?”

Todoroki continued to stare at you, then he directed his eyes elsewhere. “What happened to your hand?”

You hid it from his view. “What? Don’t change the subject. I know you’re avoiding me and I’m sorry for kissing you that night.” You held your jittery hand, your nerves were acting out again. “It wasn’t okay, I messed up and I'm sorry, but can you try and save our relationship? Please?”

“I don’t know what I can give you.” His tone was cold almost like he was bored of you.

“Duh-uh clarity? What do you see our relationship as right now?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well you could make an effort to think about it!” He only looked at you with that stupid confused expresssion and it was pissing you off. “Shouto! Why are you being so-”

He flipped his head around way too fast, Aggression settling into his features. “Don’t call me that.” He snapped. “I see you as a classmate. Nothing else.”

You felt your heart drop into your stomach and your fingers go numb. You felt heat rise behind your eyes and into your chest, it all pissed you off. You were putting so much work into whatever this relationship was and he didn’t do a thing. It was all one sided.

“Goodnight (Y/L/N).” He said your last name to make a point. Show that he wasn’t planning on being as close anymore and walked away for real that time.

You were beyond angry, hot tears built up inside you and you couldn’t help but to angrily wipe them away. You didn’t want to cry over him and you felt your tears betraying your thoughts. You wished you weren't so calm, you wished you screamed at him and cursed his name. But you didn’t. You were crying over him and it pissed you off even further as you climbed into your dorm. As you banged your head on the wall at how angry you were you got a text from Midoriya.

You brought your attention away from the text to the sound of a light knocking at your door, too light to be Todoroki. When you opened the door you were surprised to see Jirou facing you. She was fidgeting with a bag in her hands and teetering on her toes.

You quickly wiped away any stray tears from your face, “Hi... what are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?” You stared at her, unmoving from your position behind the door, until she held the bag up. “I brought snacks.”

You peeked into the bag and noticed a few good snacks, with another quick glance you widened the door. Letting her take her shoes off by the door, and pulling a snack or two out. “You can sit if you want.”

Jirou sat stiff against the chair, her eyes wandering around the room until they landed on you. You pretended to not notice her stare by opening a bag of chips, hoping she would explain her reasoning for coming. You felt like the day only continued to get more hectic, just continuous disagreement and blaming, you weren’t sure if you could handle another argument.

“I Uhm talked to Uraraka, she said that I should apologize to the both of you.” You glanced up from your snack. “I mean I didn’t agree with her at first obviously, but after a while I was in my room thinking about what I said and it all just sounded stupid.” She swiveled in your chair, fidgeting with her earlobes. “I think I just let my fears get the best of me, but how I treated you this past week was gross.”

You thought her words over as you inspected a chip, really trying to see if you could forgive her right now. She accused you of saving Kaminari as a second choice to Todoroki, ignored you for the past week, called you desperate, etc. So you really wanted to be sue you could accept her apology without mulling over it for the next week.

“Yeah it sucked, you were jealous of me for no reason and it bothered me. It was like you were trying to blame me for him rejecting you, and no matter what we told you, you were stuck on that theory.”

“I get it. I was being so stupid about it- I mean I was being stupid about everything.” She rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe I got jealous over Kaminari of all people.”

You giggled moving to sit on your bed. “Yeah, morons will make you feel all kinds of ways. But I think I can forgive you for the lunch thing, everything else might take some time.”

“I’ll take that. Baby Steps then?” You nodded patting the space next to you on the bed. She shuffled her way over, adjusting herself. “And sorry for doing that when I knew you were hurting. I never asked if you were okay and just bombarded you with more stuff.” She glanced at you, searching your face for a defined emotion. “I mean are you okay?”

As soon as you heard that you let out a gasp you didn’t know you were holding. Your lips started to quiver and it was like she set something off inside of you that you couldn’t control, that dropping feeling in your stomach came up again and emotions began swirling inside. You rubbed your eyes to stop them from betraying you, you didn’t want to embarrass yourself again.

“Uh-hm,” your voice wavered, “I’m…. yeah…” You tried your best to form a sentence but the tightness in your throat wouldn’t let you speak without any tears running loose. But when she patted your hand and asked if you were really okay, the waterworks started flowing. You couldn’t hold back the hiccupy gasps and sobbed into your hands. It felt so weird crying in front of someone, she hesitantly pulled her arms around you, patting your back to soothe you.

“I miss him s-so much he’s not the same,” Your words muffled into your hand. “And I dunno I missed you too and everything just really really shucks. You both shoved me away and I felt so helpless like I didn’t know what to do…”

“I’m so sorry.” She pulled you in a little tighter. “I’ll be a better friend, I swear. I won’t do something that stupid again.”

The two of you stayed like that for a while, just until your sobbing went down into light sniffles. She tried to calm you down and waited it out for you, you felt happy about that. As time went by you somehow ended up watching a movie with your head resting on her shoulder. It felt comfortable, you didn’t realize how much you missed cuddling with friends and watching movies. You found yourself enjoying her company, so different compared to watching a movie by yourself in the dark, this felt safe and happy.

You felt your eyelids slowly close, the scenes of the movie starting to blur out. Jirou was fast asleep next to you but somehow held the phone up still, you glanced over her and then took it from her hands. You hooked it up to a charger before you woke up to a dead battery. But before you could go back to bed a text from Midoriya caught your eye. You rubbed your eyes to adjust, but as soon as you read the message you dropped the phone, pure surprise overtaking your mind. You didn’t know what to think as you reread the message over and over, it continued to stay the same:

Midoriya: Can you join me for dinner at Todoroki’s house?

How do you even respond to that?

Prev. Masterlist. Next

——————

Tag list: @mrsreina @mysterypotatoink @eternal-fangirling @monviemoo @icythotsenpai @bnhaismylife @yayeetboisdummythiccbooty @mindofzaina @akariblue @gayverlinq @sweets-r-cool @spideyfox1967 @curiosity-fulfills @uwu-scum @chiaki-kinnie @simixchan

(Some tags might not show up)

[indiabreathe]

As a kid i didn’t really experience alot of these gender restrictions. i played tag outside, with legos and water guns same as him. i played the xbox and ds as well as mortal kombat games, Grand theft auto and all of that. We both cleaned we both played gender didn’t really play a big role in anything until i started getting older. Whilst young my little brother loved to do everything i did because that’s what siblings do, so when i would play with my dolls he would too. My father however did not like that and reading this chapter i see how toxic masculinity played a big role on his view with dolls. In regards to me, i was told it was now my brother responsibility to take out the trash and i didn’t have to help. I was raised to do those things and help with groceries so i didn’t really get why it was a sudden change as i got older but i see it had to do with remaining within my femininity, since females where supposed to be always clean and smelling good. That also explains why when i would have burping competitions with my father he told me to stop because i’m a girl. It’s weird but it’s what’s been taught and hardwired into peoples brains like generational racism.

Looking at the first commercial i saw had no gender roles.

It was a board game that was kids versus parents so i feel like it was targeted towards families that do game nights and things like that.

The second ad it was a barbie commercial clearly targeted towards girls. One of the things they did is have a pink glittery background.

Next i saw a gaming watch commercial it didn’t have gender roles though because it was a boy and a girl playing the same thing.

The next commercial I saw was a batman toy but it had a boy and a girl playing with it again. the back ground was a dark blue so i do think it was more aimed to boys but it didn’t exclude girls like the barbie commercial did to boys.

This was an ad for cars and they used things like deep voices, crashing , yelling and dark colors to target boys. Commercials like this use gender stereotypes to find their target audience.

This my little pony ad had a very high pitched voice and very bright colors and so did the shopkins ad so i was starting to see a pattern in toys targeted to each gender.

At a young age it is put into kids head that girls play with doll babies quietly while boys play with trucks and loud things and as soon as a boy wants to play with a doll baby now he’s in trouble because he’s being feminine. Why should femininity be a bad thing though? For example as i stated before for the most part i could partake in any masculine activities i desired but vice versa my brother got in trouble for it. Femininity is looked at as a weakness and so boys are told things like not to cry or express their emotions because that’s “girly”. When in reality that’s just human. we are meant to have emotions and cry and express our selves and this is where so much built up anger stems in young men. We should disregard and completely try to out learn these gender stereotypes to try and grow as a race.

In conclusion, I gathered they use things like colors to subtly suggest a gender to each toy. Also in a commercial targeted to boys you can see how deep the voices get and they loud and deep. Whereas commercials targeted towards girls are bright colored and use high pitch voices . Toys suggested for boys also have started including girls in them because of the generation were in now but not so much vice versa. We still have a journey to go on erasing gender stereotypes but process is being made.

[despiteherself]

idk how to explain it but,, cartoons before were much better than they are now. i feel like alot of children shows nowadays are just screaming and cringe humor with nothing you can learn from

i think there must be some nostalgia factor because seeing something as a kid vs as an adult definitely is different. as an adult im coming to it with a brain full of experience, references and knowledge about story development and writing. and so I SEE those things in it & the brain is looking for patterns. where as a kid takes things at face value, and finds kid things funny.

a perfect example of this IS toilet humour. like i’ll deal with it, whatever, and sometimes it’s clever enough that it is funny but it’s mostly cringe & I would rather not see it. but kids think this is raucously funny. kids think farts are just the funniest thing that’s ever happened, they think potty jokes are peak comedy. i can understand why it’s included - and i think it’s alway been included to some degree (in movies that are supposed to be funny) because it’s alway going to be a hit. children’s movies aren’t going to move away from that.

i think my issue is that movies from the mid 00s had this charming ridiculous feel to them that’s missing. their concepts were outlandish, and they had a lot of fast talking nonsense and probably fit your “screaming and cringe humour” description in a way? but even with all this nonsense & absurdist humour there’s a still a moral & a message. the madagascar series is ridiculous, nonsense is said with a straight face but at the end there’s important things you learnt. but still! something can just be funny.

if anything i think the issue im seeing in stuff i watched lately is that they’re TOO preachy about morals. & they focus on telling the meaning to the point where you can see they didn’t spend enough time marinating the actual story elements so the thing you’re supposed to learn comes across like lecture instead of feeling like an organic conclusion. and then when they do try to add something funny it falls flat because they’ve been so serious otherwise & their main jokes are like “haha kids are obsessed with their phones”. it’s time to BE funny again!!! it’s time to bring back absurdist humour!! It’s time to have silly characters say ridiculous things with a straight face!!

but yeah just screaming & cringe humour is ://// i actually don’t know what shows are around now except the like 6 i rotate around and it’s probably good for me.

tbh I kind of think this whole thing is a part of a rise of sequel & reboot culture. which is two different things, but both are effecting stuff. sequels are easier because you have an established universe & people already care about your characters so you can be lazier with development, and reboots are reimaginings so again you have established love for the franchise & people will watch to get mad about it. and i think the response to sequels is that people are sick of them, and don’t like them and lot of them DO rely on absurdist humour because that’s even easier to get away with in a sequel and people don’t like making them so they pull away from the entire concept. but idk I’m not in the industry so.

[declencurran98]

Who am i as an artist: Essay & Analysis

I have been a printmaker now for over a year and a half, attempting and producing various types of prints, but as time has went on, I have become more confident in Screen-printing and seems to be my go-to so I will work towards that process in greater depth. Screen-printing is the printing process of transferring a design onto a relatively flat surface or textile by using Ink, a Silk/ mesh screen and Squeegee. Screen-printing has been a constantly evolving process that has become a favourite and Widley used because its colours are so vivid on dark fabrics, allows the printmaker to reproduce a design multiple time of various shapes and sizes, creates bold highly detailed prints with a wide range of inks available. I have become more familiar with this process over my HNC with creating very high standard and multicoloured pieces on various textiles with combining and printing digitally created threshold images onto tracing paper and transferring/ exposing them onto silk screens and for me, it’s a very rewarding process if done right. I have chosen to work towards Screen-printing as I am very organised and fluent in how I produce and style my work. The process and style stand out to me as a printer in terms of how freely you can layer and change the piece if you desire to create a depth on the piece or even develop it into a whole new piece which always gives a new perspective. Over time i would like to produce a portfolio that clearly demonstrates and expresses me as a person and an artist. 

Chuck Sperry

Chuck Sperry is an American Printmaker who has been producing rock-based prints in San Francisco for the past decade. He specialises in multi coloured rock posters which catch the eye upon first glance. His use of colour and topic really depicts what he tries to convey through his style and artwork. His work can be compared to classic cultural murals with the sheer amount of detail and appropriation to colour and topic.

"Empathy" (2021)

Chuck Sperry. (2021). “Empathy” Blotter Art Release. [online] Available at: https://chucksperry.net/empathy-blotter-art-release-2/ [Accessed 14 Mar. 2021].

When looking at Sperry’s work, its clear he knows how to use colour appropriately, the way he mixes cold and warm colours to create a fresh perspective is quite an accomplishment. When first viewing his piece “Empathy”, my eyes instantly went to the blue section of the artwork as it feels like the coldest part of the image with the outer colours surrounding the blue feeling more enclosed and darker, it’s like Sperry did this intentionally to capture the viewers eye and make you look further into the print. The more I analyse this image, the more patterns I capture in the females skin and the gaps between the green flowers, it adds more depth to an already immersive print, The direction of the females stature facing towards the viewer with her eyes looking right at you creates this sense of mystery and welcoming which makes you want to know back story on her. The overall image gives off the idea that we should accept natural beauty like the female in the image has, she appears to be naturally faced with no make-up enhancements being present and is surrounded by nature in its truest form with no technology or human created materials shown. Sperry has blended floral decoration with natural human physique to give off the impression that this female is one with nature and the calmness in her facial expression makes you feel the same. The choices of colour used on this piece create a distinct aura of fresh and vibrant which adds to the images overall natural beauty, you find yourself being constantly drawn to another part of the image with how the yellow and orange bleed and blend into the green leaves and blue smaller flowers and when your eyes get used to that colour palette, the pink/magenta floral art grabs your attention making you spend more time analysing and investing in this print. The style Sperry has chosen for this image works as its already an busy image with lots of colour so his choice to keep the style simple but adding a lot of detail without it overtaking the image is an accomplishment. Overall this piece works visually and expressively giving the human eye something new to look at the longer the gaze.

Dogboy

Dogboy, also known as Philip Huntington, is a Camberwell College of Arts graduate who mixes and incorporates Screen prints and digital methods in his work. I came across Dogboy when first researching screen-print artists and his work stood out as it was bright, whimsical and mysterious which gives them their impressiveness. Dogboys work spans from the very obvious to the very abstract, showing that they don’t go into every piece produced with an idea of what they are trying to convey.

"Mutation"

Dogboy Illustration. (n.d.). MUTATION. [online] Available at: https://www.dogboy.co/work/illustration/mutation.

Out of all the prints Dogboy has produced, this one stood out to me due to its cold tonal presence. Even if you don’t have an understanding of what is going on in the image, the colour palette used is enough to draw you in and get you thinking. The image itself gives off a sense of helplessness as it depicts some sort of future, dystopian setting with the patterns along the walls and ceiling almost looking like 20th century depictions of spacecrafts on television, “people” horded together in a hole in the middle of the image desperately trying to escape while there are what appear to be “guards” just standing by, watching them pathetically attempt to escape. What makes this image stand out is how controlled yet unpredicting this image is. The amount of detail in this image makes it feel more real as the colour palette draws your eyes with how the turquoise mixes in with the lighter shade to create depth and vibrance in a cold, desolate image. The way Dogboy has kept the black part of the screen-print in the image imperfect adds to the density and darkness of the image while almost making it feel on purpose. When you aren’t drawn to the figures at the bottom, your eyes get drawn to the amount of different patterns and things going on in the top image, the sharp zig-zags and single line colours make the ares of the image seem si-fi and immersive, yet again another part of the image not lacking in detail and intricacy. It’s not clear what Dogboy is trying to convey or portray in this image, but I think that was his idea while creating this piece, To give the viewer no definition of what’s going on apart from the title of the piece and the image itself, to then let the viewers mind create its own depiction of what’s going on. Pieces like this stick in the mind as you’re brain is trying to create an understanding of what you’re visually seeing.

Rob Corradetti

Rob Corradetti is a Bay Area based artist who specialises in Screenprints, paintings, T-shirts, comics and Psychedelic pieces. His style is quoted as “a blend of head shop and punk rock” which he was inspired by in his coming of age in the early 1990’s. The thing that stands out about Robs work is how bright and fun it looks on first glance but makes you want to see more. He has collaborated with many pop culture bands and brands such as VANS, Buzzfeed and Wiz Khalifa. 

"Death At Home" (2016)

Etsy. (n.d.). Death at Home Screen Print. [online] Available at: https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/288520471/death-at-home-screen-print?show_sold_out_detail=1&ref=nla_listing_details [Accessed 14 Mar. 2021].

I had a look through Robs inventory of prints and its clear in all his pieces that he tries to give insight into different perspectives and his piece “Death At Home” is a great example. The images black background sets the overall tone of the image as it makes the environment seem enclosed and small focusing all your attention on the white outlines and patterns. This type of colour palette works for pieces like this, as theres alot of dexterity and There is so much going on in this image but yet still maintaining its overall image which creates this impressive, eye catchiness to the viewer. My interpretation of what is portrayed in this image is we as humans are so obsessed and reliant on technology that we spend most of our times indoors, In front of a television slowly rotting away in the comforts of our own homes till death. This is shown by the skeletal figure sitting close to the television, smoking and drinking, playing a videogame which states “game over” on the television which could be a metaphor for the once human now skeletal figure playing a game of life that they have now lost. Rob has succeeded in trying to portray this with his bold white and black colour palette blending together and the composition of the image giving the viewer an unknown sense of wonder. The image has so much going on in terms of detail and presence with how each white outline of the garb is its own and if you look even longer, you start to see other patterns and things going on in the image like the spiral swirls and eyes staring at the viewer. The image gives off a feeling of unsureness as it doesn’t really explain what’s going on too much, yet another piece of screen-print that makes the viewer create their own interpretation of this image. The pop art style really lifts the image off the ground and catches the eye even with its two-colour palette which is a great choice. Overall the detail, the matter of the image and the way is composed gives “Death At Home” so much revisit value in terms of what the viewer finds in the image and their interpretation. The image upon multiple viewings gives off this aura of Horror and when you delve into the image and what it stands for, it works. 

References:

Chuck Sperry

Info:

Chuck Sperry. (n.d.). About. [online] Available at: https://chucksperry.net/about/.

Image:

Netdna-ssl.com. (2021). [online] Available at: https://3nmir91xseyl7jrgx40dgp41-wpengine.netdna-ssl.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/EMPATHY-BLOTTER.jpg [Accessed 14 Mar. 2021].

Dogboy

Info:

Chayasatit, A. (2013). People of Print: 20 Screen Print Artists You Should All Know About. [online] People of Print. Available at: https://www.peopleofprint.com/general/people-of-print-20-screen-printers-you-should-know-about/.

Image:

Dogboy Illustration. (n.d.). MUTATION. [online] Available at: https://www.dogboy.co/work/illustration/mutation.

Rob Corradetti

Info:

tumblr. (n.d.). Tumblr. [online] Available at: https://robcorradetti.com/info.

Image:

Etsy. (n.d.). Death at Home Screen Print. [online] Available at: https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/288520471/death-at-home-screen-print?show_sold_out_detail=1&ref=nla_listing_details [Accessed 14 Mar. 2021].

‌

Wordcount: 1537

[sketzocase]

Okay y’all- brace yourselves. It’s a 2 AM random fandom question time!

You ever just had a thought and can’t explain it?

Like geeky/fandom wise?

Mine currently? (and spoiler alert- it’s ALOT)

-I would like to see how Uruk kias were made up close. I would also like to know how Saurmon got his fucking hair that straight. Like bruh- that’s Beyoncé level flawless.

-I know the Ents ‘lost’ their females or whatever, but I am obsessed with how exactly an Ent would go about mating. Also would like to point out that if a lady ent were to turn on her guy ent when they arise in the morning- she would technically be giving him morning wood.

-If Harry Potter can fix shit- why doesn’t he fix his glasses?

-Why the fuck would the ‘chosen one’ only use like... five spells? Come on Harry- get your shit together.

-I don’t think Dementors are inherently evil. I think they’ve been used that way but by being put to use via wizards- they really don’t get to decide- right? Aren’t they technically magical creatures? In which case, can we really not make a case that in using them in Azkaban, the wizards essentially made a kind of house-elf situation?

-Why the hell didn’t Bucky tell any of his friends what he’d done to them in his past upon meeting them? If I had worked with an asshole who killed a loved one and he knew it and never said anything to me fifty-something years late? Fuck yea- I’m pissed.

-Why the fuck does Azazel have a shit ton of kids but somehow only four survived? Like okay- in The Draco we could say that Nils is probably the youngest. And we can assume that Kiwi Black appears to be older than Kurt- who I guess if I was pressed we would say would be late 20’s early 30’s? This means there is a great few years where Azazel is either actively impregnating one woman after or another- or a time when he is a fuck hiatus only to come out a few years later and start actively impregnating women.

-OH- and Impregnating women can be hard! It can take YEARS! Does he just have a magic dick? Like... does something in his powers just make him a sex wizard? Can he get STDS? Can he heal himself if he does? How can he be sure that every single one of his offspring will be mutants? He had so many kids to open a portal- but the had to have some sort of teleporty power. How can he just see a kid pop out and be like ‘yup. It’s a mutant’.

-Why do all of Logan’s kid’s come out looking better than him?

-How does Daken have a tattoo when in ultimate x-men Logan gets tattoos of girlfriends to impress them, knowing it will heal.

-Daken’s tattoo pattern doesn’t really change much. Did he design it himself? When he loses that arm- b/c it’s ALWAYS that arm- does he get like super annoyed because he’s going to have retat himself up?

-How do Daken and Laura not have Logan’s ‘hairy motherfucker’ genes when both Raze and Jimmy Hudson seem to have got it??

-Does Laura have to double shave legs/armpits? Would she even think too?

-Is childbirth easier on Mystique because she can shape her body far more easily than a human? Don’t pregnant women’s like hips or something move or whatever? Can’t Mystique make it easier on herself?

-Are Johnny Storm’s bodily fluids hotter than most? If so, can he burn a partner by coming in them? Does he have to have like special insurance for his person/partner’s/items?

-Can Reed Richards assume whatever size dick Sue wants/needs at the time?

-Professor X makes a future kid with Mystique, does that mean his junk still works?

-Why the everloving FUCK did Remus wait so long to kill Romulus? Or try? Like he’s her twin- right? Can’t a sibling usually tell how sucky or evil a sibling is going to be pretty early on? Like my sisters a little evil- I’ve known it since she was three. Was there not a moment in their childhood where Remus just went ‘wow my brother is really fucked up. I should do something about that before he hurts someone!”

-Why the FUCK did she get Logan to try to kill her brother? Like bitch- you let it get this bad. Go handle your own shit!

-Theoretically, If Rogue wears something from head to two only leaving her lower bits exposed and Gambit wears a condom- can they have sex?

-Does Scott see different shades of red through his visor or is it all the same color?

-Is Colossus’s dick able to go full metal as well as his skin? Like- come on, what’s he packing under those pants?

-How does Sabertooth do day to day things if he can’t retract his claws- ever? Like does all of his shit just get scratched all to hell?

-How do heightened senses peeps function in normal society with all the extra smells/sounds? Is their taste enhanced? Can they do things like listen to headphones safely?

-How the fuck does Scarlet Witch work? Just like in general- I have a lot of questions.

-Why doesn’t Bucky seem to be aging really?

-how old ARE the x-men?

-Am I to believe that Bobby Drake is older than Cannonball? Nah. I don’t buy it.

-What happened to the Guthrie brood? Wasn’t there like... three mutant siblings?

-How the fuck did that one pairing (speaking on Guthrie) have sex IN THE AIR?

-How is angel ever able to do like... anything? Is it a pain to take showers if he has to get his wings all wet (assuming their feathers).

-Movie part here- in Dark Phenoix why the fuck didn't anyone tell Kurt- ‘oh yea, by the way? That’s your mom. Annnnd she’s dead.’ He was made an orphan AGAIN. Furthermore, why didn’t any of the original x-men who were on the beach react when he picked up a fucking knife and used real similar moves to his daddy?

-why didn't they explore that relationship more?

-Does Iceman have a ice dick? Like- he’s been pretty naked before. Where is his dick? Where does it go? If it is there does it react to chilly temps like other dudes?

-Can venom technically contaminate his host's partners if he is somehow involved in sexual relations WITH his host at the time?

-Why do so many aliens talk English?

-How do the x-men understand Doop?

-How do some of them understand Lockheed?

-How many top brains will be introduced only to be topped by someone else?

-How smart is Reed Richards?

-How long can Norman Osborn be the goblin? Are there any other personalities that he’s formed over the years?

-Why the fuck don’t the x-men permanently partner up with Legion? Like ... get on that.

-Why the fuck don’t they just shut the entire hellfire club down? That NEVER ends well and it’s got a lot of the same members over and over again- shut it down, keep it down.

Annnnnd... yea. Those are all my questions/thoughts.

[asherlockstudy]

Pls ignore if u dont wanna discuss!I find it interesting you see link as a 'strategic thinker' when I feel like alot of ppl think the opposite(to the point of ytcomments calling him slow/an idiot/on the spectrum).Tho I think alot of his wideeyed goofiness is put on, I put part of awkward stuff said down to not considering implications before talking. Theres even an old video where he talks about how he could reveal something embarrassing at any time and it's part of his personality hes had to ow

Yeah, I know, it’s a rather unusual viewpoint but I stick sooooo hard to it! However, please note that I’m not at all confident about the way I explained my points here. What follows is: 

An unnecessarily long essay on how Link Neal’s mind works that makes me worry about myself because honestly why did I even write all this and I am not at all sure I know what I’m talking about, sorry

First of all, those who think Link is an idiot need to pay more attention. Link is probably the control freak (to avoid the term “Big Boss” that would be unfair for Rhett) behind their successful corporation and this takes something more than a slow guy. He could be close to what you can call “on the spectrum”, with his systems and OCD and all, but people with Asperger’s are usually very intelligent anyway. I think Link has these systems mostly for psychological reasons though, the routine makes him feel safer. 

Anyway, most of his silly moments are made up for laughs like you said and his ability to confuse the audience as to whether he ‘s trully that silly is technically another success on his part, although I feel he’s getting tired of this role lately. 

When Link chooses a stupid answer in a quiz or makes a foolish choice in a game, there is usually a pattern of two explanations:

He often provides a perfect reasoning and then inexpicably goes for the wrong answer / choice, which proves he’s trying to lose in order to get punished for entertaining purposes. He sometimes is in the lead and suddenly gives bonus points to Rhett or something, so there is higher probability for him to lose or, even better, both of them to get punished. On average, if it can’t be ideally both of them, Link subtly tries to be the one getting the punishment. Perhaps he considers his own reactions more dramatic (they usually are) and therefore funnier. In short, Link prefers to get in trouble as long as he provides an entertaining product. It’s a conscious decision that he hides behind silliness. On the contrary, if Rhett can avoid a punishment, he will do so because Rhett often sets as a priority to not look like an idiot.

He genuinely made a stupid choice. Thanks to his hobbies and interests, Rhett is more well-rounded and knowledgeable than Link but if you take the occurences of explanation #1 out of the equation, the ratio of the times Link is being stupid to the times Rhett is gets significantly smaller. Of couse, being less knowledgeable has nothing to do with quick / strategic thinking. 

Speaking of quick thinking, Link tends to be wittier than Rhett. Not that Rhett isn’t incredibly witty already but I think Link is as much and slightly more. 

In the rare occasion of serious discussions, there are two other possibilities:

Link usually tries to make light of every single conversation (eg in Ear Biscuits), stuck to the fact that they are supposed to be a comedic duo, which isn’t always a guaranteed success and sometimes even generates awkwardness. Rhett doesn’t do that and since he also is the one who usually provides information / knowledge, he comes off as more intelligent and mature without this being necessarily the case. 

When Link is 100% serious about something, he’s very different. His stature is different, his facial expressions are different, his eyes become more piercing, even his voice gets deeper. It’s not like Link is a psycho but there are some extremes in his personality and he is usually good at keeping each extremity for where it’s supposed to be. His childish side is ideal for GMM. In rare serious discussions with Rhett on GMMores etc, I find myself agreeing with Link most of the time and despite Rhett’s confidence that he knows Link like the back of his hand, I feel Link actually understands Rhett on an even deeper level than Rhett does. I also think he’s more self aware than Rhett and just knows both of themselves better than Rhett. On the other hand, Rhett is better at manipulating a conversation to his benefit and frequently oozes so much certainty on his argument that Link ends up in the losing side because he knows convincing Rhett otherwise is a challenge and he just gives up. For a long time I instictively thought Rhett was on the right because he gives off this impression of always being right. But when I started paying more attention, I started getting Link’s points more and more. In short, Link is a thoughtful guy ;) whenever he’s given the chance to show it (almost never, sadly). 

Now that I expanded on this which wasn’t even what you exactly wanted me to discuss originally, let’s go to your ask in particular. (I just felt I needed to explain first why I don’t consider Link slow.) 

As I already mentioned, Link has some extremities in his personality. He is impulsive and emotional which means his emotions drive his actions before his brain can stop him. When he’s angry or very excited or feels sarcastic or anything really, he will just blurt out whatever’s on his mind. But that doesn’t mean Link does not understand what he is talking about, it just means he doesn’t have a good filter on his mouth and at the moment he does not care to have one either. 

There might be a paradox about Link - although he strikes me as an extrovert, he is actually not particularly socially skilled. But social awkwardness has little to do with intelligence as a whole (there is what we call social intelligence of course) and it is more common than not for intelligent people to be socially awkward and generate many weird moments. Then again, Link is very sensitive in awkwardness or inappropriate remarks or insults when it’s someone else doing it (not necessarily to him) which makes me think that he has a perfect understanding of what he says too at all times, only he’s usually bursting too much with enthusiasm, fury, hurt, irony or love to keep his mouth shut effectively. In occasions when he feels uncomfortable, another extremity of his is severe anxiety and he feels so much pressure to improve the situation that he will try to say anything to alleviate the moment which inevitably leads to failure quite often. I think that’s what happens in his personal awkward moments. 

In GMM, in all these lovely moments when Link says something that makes us go “What on earth did he say again?”, like 85% of it, Link is perfectly super-absolutely aware of what he’s saying. Extremely aware. Like the “meat flap” to Stevie. He’s also angry in that video which explains his boldness. Or even the “Your wife can hang out with me anytime” to Rhett. I start suspecting he was even playing up a bit his shocked reaction after the Newsical kiss with Rhett. That’s how gloriously evil I consider him <3 

The rest is because of emotions and an even looser filter since Link knows that there are no really bad implications that can occur during GMM unless, I dunno, he says something really horrible which he doesn’t really do. I mean, Rhett may say something extremely awkward more rarely but it usually can be even worse or more hurtful than whatever Link says. 

Last but not least, Link is the epitome of clumsiness. This contributes to the idea of him being foolish, although they are not really correlated, if anything, it’s just a stereotype. His brain also tends to get stuck to a certain thing which makes him  oblivious to anything else for the time being but I seriously doubt it is as much of a deal as Rhett makes it to be. Technically this is filtering of what matters to him, at least in his case.

But when Link is not a rollercoaster of emotions and feels relaxed or has already processed something and is confident about it, that’s when the strategic thinking comes up and I seriously think he’s unbeatable.  I think Rhett has a more relatable kind of intelligence and he is clever in pretty much everything more or less whereas Link can be absolutely ignorant in what he doesn’t care about but can easily rip everyone apart in any field he shows an interest in and that is beneficial for him (management, finances, marketing, humour, entertainment, acting, psychology, yes, psychology, remember Sheena who said he has amazing empathy and he is the leader? Sheena knew what she was talking about). And probably many other fields of interest I don’t know about but all these need a good strategic brain. Link channels his intelligence in certain ways, probably for efficiency, and his way of thinking is also a bit peculiar which might estrange initially but he’s veeeeeeeeeeeeeeery clever underneath this carefully constructed persona. And underneath that soft cookie there is a much more challenging man to deal with. And underneath that divine calming smile there is a hell of emotions, good mixed with bad. I think he’s a very intense person. 

I find him so fascinating that he almost scares me. There is a small chance he fascinates me so much that I straight up imagine things about him but honestly I think I may be right about at least a few of these. He’s definitely much smarter than most people think he is, let’s leave it at that XD