#it just feels right because so many terrible things have happened in real life related to wildfire in the time since i last updated

[quaranmine]

Can definitely confirm as a Canadian that this has been a scary summer for wildfires. I live in southern Ontario, and could barely go outside for a week because the smoke coming in on the wind was so bad, I can’t imagine how scary it is for people living in the affected areas. My cousin lives in BC and I’ve been worried about him.

I'm really sorry you have to deal with that. Whenever I open any wildfire maps or smoke maps, Canada is just covered by it. Depending on the scale the map is zoomed at, it looks like the entire province of BC is covered. It looks so scary. Do y'all typically get fires that bad in Ontario? I know that BC and Alberta have more of the typical fire-supported ecosystems (mountains, conifer forests, etc), although that still doesn't mean the amount/intensity of the fires are normal. I haven't put a lot of research into wildfire in Canada, since I was mostly focusing on the area where my story was set, but I was initially quite surprised at how bad it was in the eastern areas of the country too. I hope your cousin is safe.

This summer has been pretty rough for my family, with my Papa's health taking a steep decline, him being hospitalized and placed on hospice, and then dying last month. (I really wish I could say it was peaceful but it was awful to witness.) My aunt was supposed to go on a camping trip with some friends up in Canada, but had to cancel it because of everything happening here. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise I guess--a really weird thing to call a "blessing" I know-- because her friends who went to Canada had to emergecy evacuate the campground and flee because the wildfires were closing in. They left all their belongings. Fortunately, the fire was stopped right before it reached the campground, but it was scary. I'm glad my aunt was not there and was safely down here. These people were fortunate because they're just tourists and can go home--so many people who actually live in Canada right now are in such a scary situation. Many people are not so fortunate, either by losing their life or their homes or their livelihoods.

[mister-tom-a-dildo-lover]

Confession Time!

So, over on Twitter, I'm a member of the Community Notes, and I can write Notes on any post as well as rate other Community Notes on those posts. This is done to fact check people. You have to provide a credible link as the source of your note before you're able to post it, right?

A bunch of M@rauders stans are attacking Tomarry writers, as usual, and because they can't handle that they like morally grey characters who did sus things, they make up all this shit to excuse those characters of their wrongdoings. Maybe that's why they're so jealous, cuz we can like a shitty character while NOT downplaying the bad he did.

Currently, there is an idea going around that Harry Potter was not abused in the canon story, and that everybody just swears he was abused when it was apparently, never addressed or shown and was just not treated the best. But when any M@rauder stans claim that Sirius was very clearly abused, it's unfair how no one agrees with them...

As such, they've been inundated with people pointing out all the abuse Harry has been through, from Vernon choking him out, Petunia trying to hit him with frying pans, them making him sleep in a closet instead of any of their extra bedrooms, lying about his parents, letting Dudley bully him constantly, punishing him when he doesn't understand that magic is at fault, starving him and his pet, putting bars on his window, etc... EXPLICIT ABUSE.

Now, one person gave a whole list of things that Sirius 'suffered' at the hands of his mother, and they're mad because it was pointed out that none of this actually happened in the story, not from anyone's mouth, and that that's just fanfiction tropes to make his parents worse and easier to hate. Harry's abuse is both told to us and shown as early as Ch. 2 of PS. We get to experience it through him in many ways throughout the books.

So usually, I don't get involved in these things, I just watch from the sidelines and laugh. But I thought it would be funny to put Community Notes on all of these people's posts because they're posting literal misinformation. And it's just funny to look at the post making all these claims and immediately see Rate Proposed Community Notes right at the bottom!

This person is ranting about how there are 'context clues' about Sirius was being physically abused by his family, while claiming that Harry's neglect was never explicit to try and make it seem as if Sirius choosing to leave home because of his parents' beliefs is proof of his suffering and is the same as Harry's blood relations treating him terribly for how he was born, his whole childhood.

When people have to sugarcoat and lessen Harry's experience because they want to uwu their favs so they can feel less bad about what their favs have done in canon... It's the weirdest thing. I'm not borrowing shame from a fictional character over their wrongdoings despite how all my favs are the villains. I'm here for the character, and to be so emotionally distraught over what your fav has done, that you need to gloss over it and invalidate canon over and over, is truly unhealthy behavior.

And then attacking people with different favs/ships than you, is peak madness. Get a life. Go figure shit out. You clearly cannot handle interacting with real people yet.

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

honestly critical role has never been more relatable than Caduceus/Taliesin in the Rumblecusp arc

being put in an environment where you SHOULD thrive, only to fail comically at literally any given opportunity and discovering for the first time that you have some surprising capacity for resentment for something you love that you've built your whole identity on

also I know Caduceus is dumb as rocks in an education sense but those investigation checks they kept having to make felt like they SHOULD be wisdom checks at this point (because common fucking sense would tell you to just hand your shit to someone else once you notice you lose possessions every night) so watching him spectacularly fail every single one of those felt exactly like my life feels right now. Like I should know all the ways to prevent this and yet every day I fail again at the same task right out the gate

the absolute resignation this is all met with. like even for Caduceus that was a level of nonreaction I never thought possible. not a zen unbotheredness, just complete defeat. there is so much frustration underneath the surface and yet such a complete lack of energy to try and fight it, truly only going through a pandemic and/or a real weird mental health funk can breed the vibe of "help. it's again."

also, as someone who doesn't really give a shit about sex, like Caduceus, and prides themselves on their eloquence, like Taliesin, I've never seen myself so clearly represented as i have in the character and the player's combined struggle against the horny-twelve-year-olds energy of this cast

I too have experienced the "i see you giggling over something i said that wasn't even that much of an innuendo but i'm just gonna keep talk- oh no yeah no what i've said now is just a much bigger innuendo" so many times

and then you try and choose your words more carefully. because that's like, the one thing you're good at. and discover that a) once the giggles get going, it doesn't fucking matter and b) there's now not one synonym left in your brain that's not an open invitation

and now you're somehow the least invested in the joke but the most embarrassed by it

"how much of your brain is just innuendo???" the number of times i've wanted to ask people that

the deep disappointment when Travis joined into the madness

living vicariously through the mumbled asides of "all of you. it's all of you" "it's nonstop!"

also watching your group make a TERRIBLE plan but being unable to come up with a better one, so instead of poking holes in it until all your friends hate you you just quietly watch the catastrophe happen, and pray you'll have enough restraint left by the end of it to not say "i could've told you so" out loud

[alaynestone]

not to be overly applying real life concepts to a silly cw show lol but there's also something very perfect-victimy about the way people dismiss dean's victimhood vs sam's. like because dean's sarcastic or represses a lot of emotion or something people dismiss the things he went through. like obviously HE wants to forget about it and pretend it didn't happen, that's the point! but why are so many people dumb enough to hop right on board with that and literally erase/ignore things that happened to dean in the show (oftentimes in favor of pretending they happened to sam instead lol)... idk it's just a very weird thing that makes me feel protective of dean's character and what he represents in a way i don't usually with fictional characters. i love sam too but some of the samgirls or whatever take on a very cutting and aggressive tone that's slightly upsetting sometimes ngl. it just feels weirdly personal, not even at dean as much as like. anyone who dares to relate to dean as a character

i happen to think this "silly cw show" is actually far better at depicting complex trauma than people give it credit for.

but yeah, you are spot on here. it's absolutely about creating a perfect victim in sam and hyperfocusing on that while throwing nuance and context out the window entirely. even going all the way back to their childhood where dean is held fully responsible for the ways he responded to john's abuse by adapting rather than rebelling. dean is either considered responsible for his own situation or not a victim at all. he "liked" it, he perpetuated the "cycle", he was a lost cause, he was inferior to sam (and people loooove being classist about this, they think they're comedians) etc. which of course is NOT AT ALL the narrative presented to us by the show and erases the fascinating ways the brothers' arcs were paralleled throughout the seasons. for example, in season 2 you have dean only starting to confront the million ways john messed him up when he's not around anymore, just as sam is confronting his own destiny. the show explicitly links these two things yet dean is somehow generally viewed as the brother who's in charge of his own life. dean, who was controlled by his father until he was 27 and already in 1x11 admitting to sam that he admired him for making his own choices. i can't stress enough how "the one and only victim sam who completely lacks autonomy" is a fandom invention. and for what?

what you said about feeling protective of dean i think has always been part of his appeal. sam always had dean looking out for him, dean had no one. sam, even at his lowest, fundamentally valued himself and his own personhood, dean could never afford to because the survival of his family was up to him. he never coddled himself or let himself off the hook for a single perceived failure and i'm supposed to pile on? nah. his anger is so explosive in later seasons because he was never free to express his own feelings growing up and go through the regular stages teenagers and young adults do. i think there's a big effort to erase these nuances because if the actual story is taken into account, then it's impossible to forget how much dean went through so sam wouldn't have to. that sadly also ignores the impact it had on their relationship with dean's buried resentment towards sam, as well as sam's guilt for not always being there for dean in return. nearly every terrible traumatic thing sam experienced over the duration of the show is something dean had experienced already. at my most cynical, i think the purpose of reframing dean as this all powerful oppressor is because sam can only win the trauma olympics if dean is no longer vulnerable at all, no longer dean. and yes the trauma olympics approach is pointless, but if they're gonna insist on going there first, i'm not gonna hold back.

i mentioned sam's flinching and how it's valued as a trauma response compared to dean's anger but the thing is...before the cage, sam used to rage at dean and the entire world. his own anger nearly ate him up which he acknowledges multiple times. yet again, back when dean was fresh out of hell and sometimes genuinely freaked out by sam, including when he flinched at sam using his powers, it's still perceived as dean being cruel and abusive to sam. if sam feels bad about the moral implications and consequences of his actions it's because dean won't instantly get over it and support him. if dean doesn't trust him, it must be dean's fault alone. sam is the only one whose pov is taken into consideration and the only one whose feelings can be hurt. so it is a perfect victim thing but also about how only one of them gets to lash out and be vindictive and messy and remain sympathetic and good. essentially, sam gets to be a person but dean can only ever be sam's own personal giving tree.

it's classic fandom woobification with the childish "my fave can do no wrong" rhetoric, but since it's 2024 it's now hidden behind words like autonomy/cycles/abuse and passed around as objective analysis.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Bengiyo Queer Cinema Syllabus

Not to sound repetitive but, I had a busy couple weeks, but finally had a second to return to @bengiyo’s queer cinema syllabus. I am currently working my way through Unit 4: Heartbreak Alley, the totally light-hearted, definitely not agonizing section of the syllabus where I get to watch countless acts of violence be committed against queer people. Thank fuck I have Lesbians waiting for me at the end of this unit. The films in Unit 4 are: Bent (1997), Strange Fruit (2004), Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Brokeback Mountain (2005), Parting Glances (1986), Philadelphia (1993), The Living End (1992), Holding the Man (2015), Jeffery (1995), and Boys on the Side (1995).

Today I will be talking about

Parting Glances (1986) dir. Bill Sherwood

[Run Time: 1:30, Available: tubi and fubo, Language: English]

Summary: As Michael and Robert, a gay couple in New York, prepare for Robert's departure for a two-year work assignment in Africa, Michael must face Robert's true motives for leaving while dealing with their circle of eccentric friends, including Nick, who is living with AIDS.

Cast: 

John Bolger as Robert

Richard Ganoung as Michael 

Steve Buscemi as Nick 

__

Well, I have to say this was very much not what I was expecting for the first AIDS related movie of the syllabus. After some pretty hefty violent deaths of queer characters in the first half of Unit 4, I was very much anticipating the heart wrenching tragedies to continue immediately once I hit the AIDS epidemic portion. But Parting Glances very much subverted my expectations of what I was walking in to, because honestly…so much of it was lovely. 

It’s not that tragedy is not a part of this movie, it is, it’s just hidden under the layer of friendship, community, and love that feels like the core theme of the film. I am thinking about the party at Joan’s and how much happiness and celebration was happening there, with community abound, and yet how Michael kept telling people they should call Nick because he would appreciate it, showing just how much Nick has lost of his own community since his HIV/AIDS diagnosis. 

I really loved how real these relationships to one another felt, the way that Michael and Robert were playful with each other, the way that Nick sat on Michael’s lap so casually for a few minutes when Michael cooked him dinner, I loved the conversation Robert had with his ex-girlfriend, the young and hopeful queer boy who wished to live forever. I just loved watching the queer community be a queer community. 

Even in the moments that get a little dour, where Michael gets especially weepy with Nick, those scenes did not make me sad, did not destroy me the way other films in this syllabus have, because that is just grief. Grief is a mighty and terrible thing, but I find beauty in it as well. I find beauty and loveliness in the fact that those tears came from Michael finally admitting to Nick that he loved him, that Nick got to hear himself that he was loved, especially when so many people seemed to have fallen away from him after his diagnosis. I find comfort in the conversations about death that Michael and Joan have together, because those are conversations I’ve had, they feel familiar, they feel like a natural part of life, perhaps they should not have to feel those points so soon, but Nick himself is right, living forever is the only thing none of us can do. 

I really loved that we saw Nick when he was at a stage in his illness where he was simply being careful, but was still full of life, energetic, that he was able to be a support system for Michael and was not only being tended to. We know what is coming, but we are not made to see it. I was really in to what the film did with it’s use of ominous backing track, that Nick could hear it, that it felt like the progression of his illness, that it felt like a sense of impending doom, a cloud that hangs over Nick. 

Throughout a lot of this film I found myself thinking about The Inheritance Part One & Part Two, a play written in 2016 based off of the book Howard’s End by EM Forster. I saw this play a few years back and was lulled in to a false sense of security that this would not be a play about AIDS because it was set in the relatively modern day with a focus on younger queer characters, but ohhhhhhh how wrong I was. Towards the end of the first part, we hear a story from a character named Walter, an older gay man that lived in the same building as the main characters, and he recounts the story of his life, how his husband, Henry, built a farm outside of New York city for the two of them to live in…right around the time that AIDS started decimating the area. How that distance still was not good enough for Henry so he would leave on business trips, because his fear of catching AIDS was so strong. 

Walter tells the story of when he went back in to the city for the first time, and ran in to a friend he used to know, who had acquired AIDS and was on the brink of death. He talks about how when Henry was away, he brought that kid to the farm Henry had built to hide from AIDS, and Walter cared for that boy until he died. Walter talks about doing that again and again and again and again, dozens of times, he would go in to the city, bring a friend back home, and care for them until they passed. 

^[sidebar: I very much do not like Robert]

Part of the play ends with Walter being asked what it was like at that time, Walter asks the main characters to name someone they know, they give a name, he says “they’re dead. Give me another name, he’s dead”. For what felt like minutes, name after name after name is called and name after name after name is dead. When I saw that scene I broke down in the theater, I cried for the entirety of the walk back to the train station, I was brought to the brink of tears at the thought of that scene for a month after I saw the show. 

I mention this because it was all that I could think about while watching Robert and Michael interact with one another, while seeing this plot unfold. Robert fleeing New York while Michael stayed to care for his dying friend. Knowing that Walter and Henry stayed together after all was said and done, after Henry had stopped running from reality, and the death rates had slowed; then seeing Robert decide not to go to Africa, and how Michael did not show any signs of planning to break up with Robert knowing, despite knowing how Robert felt too settled, how Robert had chosen to go, despite knowing that Robert was running from loss, and running from being a support for Michael when the love of his life finally dies. 

So despite the fact that Parting Glances didn’t evoke the same feelings, though I felt like overall it was a relatively upbeat, uptempo, gentle film, the current underneath it all, the dying underneath it all, the tragedy is right there but it is just out of reach. 

Favorite Scene 

I think my favorite scene is when Joan and Michael are laying in bed together, holding stuffed animals at Robert’s going away party while they just casually talk about death and dying. It just felt very much like a conversation I have had with my best friend on multiple occasions, especially lately because we've had a number of deaths happen in our lives recently. And yes, my friend and I both match the type of conversation part this scene, and also the beating each other up with stuffed animals part of this scene.

Obviously we do not spend enough time with the other characters at the party to know exactly what is going on in their lives, and there is not doubt many if not all of them have lost loved ones to AIDS, but we know that Joan and Michael are really the only two people who go and visit Nick, and it feels so symbolic of the weight that they are shouldering caring for their dying friend to have the only two people who have not cut themselves off from Nick be sitting together, in another room away from all the other gay attendees, discussing, speculating, joking about death. 

Favorite Quote

We all know the real right answer is: “Straight men are jerks. Gay men are jerks. Straight women are jerks. That leaves lesbians and they are off in their ivory towers laughing their heads off at the rest of us. I should’ve been a dyke” 

But I am going to go for the more serious:

“...look at the others, waiting, wondering if some innocent moment of pleasure long past can set them up with the ultimate form of [German word my subtitles did not state]...  I’d like to stage a piece in which all of the performers are people who are terminally ill, can you imagine the intensity, the concentration, the purpose”

This is said off-handedly in a conversation between Joan and a heterosexual male artist who was attending the party. I put it here for two reasons: a) the first half is a very succinct commentary on the state of the queer community (at least who were at the party) and feels like general commentary about the movie’s premise as a whole. Especially because Nick talks about how he didn’t realize how long the gestation period of HIV was, and by the time he started taking protective measures it was already too late. b) because the second half is just the most pretentious, absolutely mindless, careless, and shitty thing to say to someone who is actively losing a friend to a terminal illness. This fucking hetero artist came in to a room full of queer people and decided that dying people would be great to put in to his next project for ~The Vibes~ and I love that comment so much because first, it shows how much he Does Not Get It, and second because of how much disgust is baked in to Joan’s “Excuse me” as she leaves before he can finish his thought. 

Because to say that to someone who is watching loved one after loved one after loved one die before their eyes is an absolutely disgusting thing to do (in my opinion). 

Final Score

8/10

Up next, Philadelphia (1993)

[yutaholic]

Thank you for even making that post because I honestly feel like I’m going to explode!! Championing every issue is EXHAUSTING. I have such empathy fatigue. Bombardment of “rules”, behavioral guidelines, services, companies, networks + food brands & PEOPLE to boycott ALL THE TIME. Fandom is space many of us come to unplug from reality…it’s certainly my hyperfixation & ppl be like “well then get another one because you shouldn’t support–” IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT. Fuck. I can’t take it anymore. Calls to action being in EVERY single place have weakened my mental state even more than it was before which was already on “pending disability” level of severe & now I’m just. burned t-absolute-f out….at everything!! I can literally FEEL myself unraveling. Kpop stans & their toxic activism can go to hell. They’re so worried about making sure to condemn others for “not doing enough” or being bad people, that they don’t even realize their actions are making them into bad people. This shit takes a toll on mental health, there is science behind this, it is real and what happens to human beings when inundated with constant terrible news, and it’s not just being ~too privileged to care~ but these performative mfs have no concept of blacklisting anymore and just want to assume the absolute worst about someone, call them names & wish harm on folks who are at the end of their ropes! It’s maddening! So even if compassion fatigue isn’t why you didn’t go out of your way to Denounce and Drag™️ him (bc you totally have the right to simply not want to do that on a fanfic blog!) I’m just glad someone else stated that this is supposed to be an ESCAPE. fuck.

Baby, burnout will fuck you up. Don't do that to yourself. Take the time you need and recoup. Life is a constant war and you can afford to lose a battle here and there to focus on your own health and well-being. Getting yourself back into a good place mentally will be a huge win. We both know the ppl obsessed with performative activism aren't doing anything from a place of compassion. The real ones are out there making change, not sending people death threats online from the comfort and safety of their mommy's basement.

When I posted the pic of NCT Dream and Big Time Rush, I wrote in the tags how BTR was something my sister and I loved and bonded over. We watched the show even though it was obviously a kids show and we were both adults. It was just something that gave us joy. My sister passed away years ago and anything BTR-related will make me teary because I think about how much we laughed together over it.

So the first thing I get are messages over how problematic BTR is, that I should delete the post or I'm pro-genocide if I don't dislike them. Ngl that made me so upset because I got a bunch of faceless people trying to taint some precious memories of me and my sister. If they came at me trying to educate me on things I didn't know that would be different, but it's straight to judgment and hatred toward me over something I posted that was totally innocent.

Meanwhile I get criticized for posting about a kpop group instead of reblogging every call to action post. I donate my money to these causes, but I don't post about it because I don't need my ass kissed for doing what I know to be right. I am 1000% sure the anons in my inbox that try to police me have never given a dime to anything, but are policing people's blogs for not reblogging posts or talking about it more.

I feel bad that I haven't been very active on here this year so I try to come on when I have some free time to interact with you guys. I make a silly post about Doyoung and get anons tearing into me for it like I'm his social media manager. Okay so because the world is going to shit we aren't allowed to enjoy anything?? Can't make jokes about anything. Can't show support for anything. Just wrong on every fucking count.

Believe me I am so goddamn aware of how lucky I am that I can sit here and say I'm very privileged that I live comfortably in the life I have. I know what's going on in the world and I do my part to help where I can, but I also have to keep functioning. I don't want every minute of my life to be seeped in anger, I did that for a long time and it not only eats away at you, it makes you ineffective in actually changing the things making you angry in the first place.

This was just supposed to be a blog where I posted my stories. One of the few places I could go and not constantly be reminded of how fucked up the world is. I've always said that people who told me reading a fic of mine made their day a little better or helped them escape for a bit were always my favorite. That was what I came here for and I loved being able to share the tiniest moments of peace and quiet with others through stories with guaranteed happy endings.

I'm frustrated because I have 4 drafts ready to go next year. I got the story posts done and made all the headers. But I don't want to post them. I have no problem admitting I'm selfish and spiteful. Even though I can turn off anon, I can't block these miserable people and I don't want them reading my stuff. They don't get to consume my content and then tell me to off myself right after.

A massive fuck you to those of you that ruined this blog for me.

[yuseirra]

ONK PREDICTIONS- what will happen at the B-Komachi tour

Shall I make a prediction now? This is a thought that constantly pops up in my head and it's a bit ridiculous maybe, but it DOES all add up nicely together.

It seems like things might happen at the concert Kana told Aqua to come see/the dome concert/during the tour. Some B-komachi related event.

Kana's told Aqua to keep his eyes on her but it seems like something will happen so that he can't focus solely on her (he failed to receive the ball she threw him so that'a a pretty bad sign)

I think Nino will attack Ruby, Kana will try to stop Nino, Aqua will try to protect Kana, and Kamiki will try to shield Aqua, ultimately leading to one of these characters (I'm guessing Kamiki) getting stabbed, lol... Like a domino effect. But there's a lot of foreshadowing for all this, you see.

There was foreshadowing in the movie arc that Kana would protect Ruby.

Kana mentioned that even a genius would die if stabbed early in the story.

There was a scene where Aqua was extremely anxious about something like what happened to Ai happening to Kana. (Coming to think of it, he even says he should have shielded her with HIS own body when he has these traumatic flashbacks. He might try to really go through with this if something like this happens again)

Kamiki, after seeing Ai's video and having returned to being good, will act to protect his children as it's something Ai would have wanted (I actually drew this comic earlier on that note).

But if this happens, many characters will get entangled... it’ll be chaos. Wow.. it's going to be a huge scene.

Nino would attack Ruby because Ruby must be the most suitable offering to revive Ai/bring her closer to her. I believe Kamiki and Nino have been cooperating to see Ai again. Nino doesn't only hate Ai, she's really obsessed with her and does care for her in a way, I feel? I have a feeling that she's also someone who really wants to have her back and has a sense of guilt about how things turned out (I'm not exactly saying that she's going to be redeemable). That's probably why she and Kamiki have been working together, they're probably doing something regarding Ai (from the songs, the most likely goal seems to be bringing her back to life)

However, Kamiki, after hearing Ai's true wishes, would turn a new leaf and give up when the goal is just within reach. Nino's attack will fail, and she will be shocked and wonder 'why?' as she gets arrested.

And Kamiki could get stabbed in the same way Ai was. It'll be sort of like reenacting what's happened in the first volume, with a hardcore lunatic fan of Ai stabbing the twin's parents.

Likely, this guy will probably try to act as a father at least once before the story ends. I believe this character, if he regains his conscience, would feel sorry for his children.

I keep getting this idea over and over. Will it really happen? But if it does, this character's life's just really miserable... That's why I keep saying it. Maybe he did some extremely terrible things in the past, so one might say he deserves it, (even I might think so depending on what he's actually done) but it's like he never had a chance to be happy at all except for the brief time he shared Ai. It was constant suffering. Is this right?;; I actually believe he would have loved his kids and acted like a normal parent if things didn't turn out to be as messed up as it is now. He seems to have been really focused on Ai after her death, but if she didn't pass... they could really have been a nice family of four. Of course, he could turn out to be a real dick and I'm still having that possibility in my thoughts, but now?? After all this? I say there's actually a pretty low chance of him just being reduced to a horrible psychopath at this point.

There has to be a reason Ruby is mentioned as Amaterasu. Ruby, who resembles Ai a lot, has a kind heart.

If her biological dad isn’t just a jerk and actually tries to save the kids and be a dad for once... I hope Ruby helps him.

I think Ruby inherited Ai's "blessing" from the gods and might be even stronger than her in that aspect. From the knowledge I have, Amaterasu seems to be one of the most powerful god in Japanese mythology, and she is one of the most well-known deities...

If this happens, a lot of the foreshadowing can be tied up neatly★☆! Including Ai having asked the protagonists to help their father.

[a-really-bad-decision]

Look. I get that folks who are approaching the finale from this angle are usually doing so from a place of genuine good faith and love for Joel. But like. If your immediate reaction after finishing season 1 is to insist that the cure never could have been developed/distributed/tested/viable and that the Fireflies were stupid/naive/slapdicks/never could have accomplished it anyways, so Joel Definitely Did Nothing Wrong, I can’t help but feel like you’re wildly missing the point of it all.

Because like. Joel did not ever care if the cure could have worked. He did not care if it’s what Ellie might have wanted in that moment (neither did the fireflies of course, but they’re not the ones who traveled by her side, protected her, made her feel safe and cared about). Neither of these were ever a point of consideration in the finale. Ellie’s death and the resultant hypothetical cure could have had a guaranteed 100% success rate. It could have spread instantly, around the world the moment they removed her brain from her skull, turning every single runner, clicker, and bloater back to a healthy human being, with no deleterious side effect.

And Joel still would have shot that doctor point blank in the face.

Because that moment right there, is the point. To me at least. It’s the climax that the whole story has been building towards: a father’s beautiful, selfish decision to save his daughter at the literal cost of the entire world. And not just the world in an abstract sense, but in ways that carry weight to him on a deeply personal level. Tess’ dying wish. A real future for his niece or nephew. Ellie’s own agency in all of this. And he did it without hesitating for a moment.

Going from treating Ellie like cargo, like a clicker waiting to happen, to deciding that her life is more important to him than than any other human being who was or ever will be born? Regardless of whether it’s “““healthy”””, that’s an incredible fucking relationship arc. And it only has this level of gravity and meaning if there are genuine consequences to making that decision.

(And let me be clear here: none of this is a moral indictment of Joel. Joel’s motivations, actions, decisions etc. are all incredibly blatant, human, and relatable, and if he’d done anything but go on that rampage, it would have contradicted everything we know and understand about him so far. Also, he’s fucking fictional. Who gives a shit if he did a Kinda Amoral Thing. None of it is real, and it doesn’t matter)

The argument here isn’t that Fireflies Good And Smart And Can Totally Save The World For Sure Guys, or Joel Did Objectively Bad Thing And Is Unforgivable Bad Forever Now. The argument is that the show is much more interesting and internally consistent if you buy into the idea that there’s a chance, even a slim one, that the fireflies could have extracted a viable vaccine at the terrible cost of a fourteen year old girl’s life. That maybe Joel did prevent a cure from being made – that he potentially did doom the world for Ellie (or at least doomed it to another few decades of limping painfully by until something else came along). And that despite the cost, he pulled that trigger, brutally and without hesitation. He did it knowing that he’ll have to go on living with the knowledge of what he took from everyone, and how effortless it was to make that choice in spite of it all. That he’ll willingly betray Ellie’s trust as many times as he has to if it means keeping her from taking the burden of that guilt on herself, but also because he can’t bear the thought of her hating him if she learned the truth. And most of all (and in his own words), that if he was given the chance to go back and do it again, he would have made the exact same choice all over.

You take that out, and what kinda finale do you get now? A run and gun scene of a man rescuing a girl that he’s come to love, sure, but now it’s from a bunch of one dimensional, child murdering villains, set in a place they never had to go to, preceded by a journey that was rendered useless before they even left, all because there was never any chance of it working in the first place. Pointless roundabout cynicism, and an endpoint that now textually only existed to stick the protagonists in their get along sweater.

You don’t have to agree with this specific interpretation of the ending. I get that this can come across as a harsh reading of Joel, especially since he’s a character that myself and others genuinely like a lot. But that nitpicky fixation on proving that the cure never could have worked always felt more for the benefit of the uncomfortable player/viewer than as any sort of actual narrative improvement. A way to divest yourself of ever having to sit with the weight of either choice. Of having to think about the way that a secret so massive, sitting unspoken between you and a loved one, can rot that relationship. Of the way that someone you thought you trusted can act in your best interests, but against your own wishes.

And if that’s not what you want from the show, genuinely and without judgment: that’s fine. You keep doing you. I’m just not sure why you’re watching something like tlou otherwise.

[boricuacherry-blog]

Ari Lennox Went from Uber Driving to Headlining Her Own Tour

I'm curious: If you had tried out for American Idol or The Voice back when you were doing your covers, how would you have done?

My career would be in the trash can. I would have embarrassed the fuck out of myself. Back then, I didn't know who I was. I just wasn't developed. Now I think now I could maybe do well on there.

How often were you talking to J. Cole during the album's development?

He was very involved. He helped me decide what I really loved. And of course, he killed "Facetime" [as the producer] and came through on "Shea Butter Baby."

There were a couple of songs where you had to put your foot down and be like, "Look, these songs aren't for you," right?

Right. It's for women. I felt like he couldn't understand why I love "New Apartment" so much, and I think he was, as a producer, focused on the beat not being as perfect as "Whipped Cream." It's just a different vibe. And what's most important about "New Apartment" is the message. I just wanted to talk about achieving that dream. I never thought I'd ever be able to afford an apartment. I never saw $1,000 until working for Uber, because Wendy's and Papa John's, they don't pay you shit. So when music started happening and I started seeing more money, I was finally able to get my own spot and it was the best feeling.

I think that's a big thing from the album that stuck with people, its relatability. On "I Been," you sing about your Tinder troubles. I don't remember a song really mentioning Tinder before.

Damn, really? I just be talking about the things in my life. But yeah, so many people are just not very genuine online. I caught myself looking for my ex, and a lot of these people that I would swipe right on, I'm meeting them in real life and they're just not that guy at all. It was just a terrible, terrible time.

A couple months ago, you tweeted, "I want to stop being compared to y'alls fave so badly." Who do you hear about the most that you're sick of being compared to?

So, I'm only sick of this because it sometimes makes me feel like there's no room, and that's Erykah Badu. Absolutely no shots at her, she's amazing and a legend. But for me, it's like, if you guys think I sound just like Erykah Badu, is there room for Ari to ever be her own artist? Plus, I've never met Erykah. I'm scared to for a million reasons, and I also don't want her thinking I'm trying to jack her swag or anything. I guess that's my biggest fear - I don't know why she would have time to think about me at all. That's my paranoid mind.

I really think only Erykah Badu can be Erykah Badu. I wish I could create something as legendary as Mama's Gun and Baduizm. That's an all-time body of work right there.

This interview is beautiful because you're asking so many different things. But a lot of times people just jump straight to, "Yeah, you remind me of Erykah," and I'm just like, "Man, did you check out other things? Do you really know my discography? Do you know anything about me?"

They did that to SZA! They compared SZA to Erykah, and I do not hear that at all. I could understand why they'd say that with me to at least some extent. I almost didn't want "Chicago Boy" on the album because even though I wasn't trying to go to the studio and sound like Erykah, I could hear influences of certain things she's done.

[giantkillerjack]

Yo I don't know if anyone else is seriously bothered by this but those "good luck" posts where everyone goes wow this post really works you HAVE to reblog it or else you won't get the good thing that happens when you reblog it and therefore it's your fault if the good thing doesn't happen because you didn't reblog the post,

Yeah, those posts. They don't ummmmmmmmm

They don't work.

Like, listen, a little prayer of good luck to give yourself hope is one thing, but every single one of these posts has a comment that is like "this is literally magic I received life-altering amounts of money because of this post REBLOG THIS NOW." And assuming these accounts aren't just also the original poster emotionally manipulating people - And brushing over how foolish/cruel it feels to give false hope and additional tasks to those in poverty AND moving on from how absolutely shitty these posts are for people with compulsion-related disorders or difficulty discerning reality--

it feels to me that the more we make up magic that doesn't exist in this world, the harder it is to see how things really are, and the more it obscures from us the magic that actually does exist. Things like magnetism, electricity, human thought and connection, emotion, storytelling, machinery, fire. That's the sort of magic we have in this world. These magics are real and they can be manipulated in miraculous and terrible ways.

And maybe it's just the way my mind works, but if I am able to convince myself that a photo of a four-leaf clover has any amount of cosmic power over my life, then I am no longer looking clearly at my situation and what I need to do to change it. I am no longer able to truly see the magic that IS there.

I feel the same way about astrology honestly. I don't think it's bad to believe in as long as you're not ascribing it to unwilling people, but I personally do feel like if I believed the shapes the Romans saw in the stars made me who I am, then not only would I deny myself autonomy, but also I would miss out on the magic of the stars as huge lonely nuclear light giants indifferent to and ignorant of the lives of humans in terrifying and beautiful ways. I might even dismiss scientific discoveries that didn't fit my view. And I think I've seen enough of the damage that can do for one lifetime. (I am aware that I probably wouldn't have so many problems with astrology if I wasn't a furious ex-Catholic. But again, there's nothing wrong with faith as long as you're not slapping it onto other people.)

But, gods, I hate these fucking good luck posts.

I am not poor due to the stars or the lack of luck-money posts on my dashboard. I am poor because I live in oppressive power structures that I hope to see burn in my lifetime. I need as clear a view of this reality as possible.

If you want to spread positive magic, you have to spread love and information and images/stories of a beautiful shared future that other people are invited to be a part of.

I'm a big believer in Hope. I believe hope is a sacred thing. But I'm not a big fan of false hope.

So in conclusion, if you reblog this post and then tomorrow something very lucky and seemingly unrelated happens, it had nothing to do with this post.

The only Magic will be the magic of unfathomably huge amounts of data transferring all across the world instantaneously to reach you and show you words that came from someone else's heart and mind.

The only Magic will be however it makes you feel to know that if you need luck, at least one other person in this world wants good things to happen to you: I care that you are found. I care that you are loved. I care that you are safe. I care that you live long enough to find or be found by happiness and that you then live for a very long time after that. And I don't need to meet you to know that I'm right.

Know that I will spend the rest of my life working to build spaces where you would be welcome. And maybe you and I will never meet, but I happen to know there's a whole lot of people like me in this world. And I happen to know that as long as you are alive, there is a chance you will grow old in warmth and comfort, surrounded by friends. There is a chance that your old eyes will be crinkled at the sides with laugh lines. And that's magic. That's real magic.

[netherfeildren]

hi sweet vic!

i’ve spent the last few months reading and then re-reading all your fics and the word that stands out in my mind is intoxicating; there’s something about them that incites an almost visceral reaction. the themes you include, the way you describe things such as motherhood, both the deep-seated desire to have a child and the rocky and fractured relationships between some of your reader characters and their mothers, their fathers, too, and the overwhelming want to be looked after by someone stronger when life becomes too much is something that i think is deeply relatable to a lot of women. this, i feel, is one of the many reasons i find myself gravitating towards your work, other women too, i’m sure, for it creates a sort of safe space where we can freely admit: yes, life can be hard and terrible and all too much and sometimes it makes you feel very small. and sometimes all you want is to be allowed to be small, and have someone bigger and wiser who’s there to look after you.

whenever i read fics or write them myself i always procrastinate the endings because i find they bring with them an emptiness that i rush to fill up with something else, do you feel this too? a handful of your works come to mind, such as pink or i urge you: bite me, wherein we never find out exactly what becomes of them or what their futures look like. do you spend a lot of time after you finish writing hung up, imagining what would come after, or are you more content to leave them in your head as they are, suspended in that moment in time?

what can I even say to this that would be sufficient to return such kindness? I literally have no idea which is why I've just sat and stared all all you've written to me over the past several days.

it brings into incredible clarity that our words mean so much, the things we say, the intention or lack thereof behind them have consequences, good or bad. I haven't been able to write for days. I look at the honey, stomach, mine doc and I feel.. not great about it. embarrassed, in a way. so I've read your message like a hundred times by now to counteract that. thank you, like for real and from the bottom of my heart. you're so so kind and your words have meaning and I'm going to think about what you've said and how you've said you feel about the things I write for a long time, and you've sent them to me in a moment when I really, really needed them.

parenthood is something I touch on more than anything, you're right. Joel is a parent in my eyes before he's anything else, that vein of him is the thing I find most intriguing. and to be honest, someone's wife is my most shocking piece to me personally because if a person could be all the things they should and can, that's how my own mom is. Eva's character is something I derived, I think, in total opposition to what I see Joel and my mom like. however, my own personal relationship and history with motherhood and pregnancy, is very different, complicated. the things I write about and the obsessiveness I write about them with have personal origin, no matter how unseriously they're framed lol. and I think, or I hope, that despite the fact that I'm writing from a woman's perspective that it's all universal or human enough that anyone can relate to it.

as for the endings, I wouldn't necessarily say I struggle with getting to them, per se. I usually know how they'll end when I start writing which is probably due to the fact that I think for much longer than I actually write. I plot and take notes for months usually, and when I'm finally ready to sit down and write my mind is made up, and usually once I've made up my mind it doesn't really stray (I'm an aquarius - oops). pink, for instance, was built with that specific ending as my goal. that was the challenge I set for myself and everything that happened in the running there was with that specific ending in mind. so to answer your question, no I don't think about the aftermath at all in terms of what could have been or what could not - I leave that all to you and your fun. I think my issue lies more with my ability to pick up the pen again after I've finished a big thing. pink was the worst, I felt very depleted and like I had nothing left to say after it and despite having a long list of ideas, I felt like there were no words for them. I usually have to wait a while for the well to refill before I can pick something new up and start writing again.

[corazondefae]

9-18-24: Processing

I got vaxxed twice today! Woo!

It was my first time ever getting the flu vaccine and I got the new COVID vaccine as well! I'm both hoping I have side effects so I can call out tomorrow and hoping I don't so I don't have to call out tomorrow because I need money...

I had therapy earlier today and it really got me thinking about how much my mental health truly affects my every day life.

My nervous system is trying to heal itself. I'm no longer in an environment where I have to be on edge 24/7. I'm not going into details but a year ago I experienced something very traumatic. I witnessed violence within my family and I had to keep it together as there were young kids in the house at the time.

This experience truly shattered my world. Even now, I don't know how I got through it and I'm still processing everything that happened. I took two days off of work and then went back. Sure, I was depressed and everybody could see, but I was working to distract myself from my terrible home life. Now that I've moved out with my husband I'm learning how to live instead of survive.

I'm in the process of getting an official PTSD diagnosis, which is wild to say. I always felt like I never went through "enough trauma" (whatever that means) in order to officially be diagnosed. Yes, I've experienced traumatic events in my life, but surely that doesn't mean I have PTSD...right? (Wrong!)

I'm also processing my feelings towards referring to myself as disabled. Physically, I'm mostly fine. However, my mental health really does affect my every day life and I never noticed it until recently.

My mental health has greatly impacted my nervous system, daily functioning, relationships with others, and ability to do essential tasks such as showering, going to work, completing my associate's, taking care of myself.

---

Lets go through some things my mental illnesses do for me, shall we?:

OCD - Makes me anxious every waking moment due to constant intrusive thoughts, avoidance of certain places or actions (ex: eating) due to fear of my intrusive thoughts becoming reality, avoidance of loved ones if they are dealing with something that triggers my OCD, spending up to hours cleaning and washing anything I've deemed "contaminated" (especially my hands), constant reassurance-seeking in intentional and unintentional ways all the time, a few times I've started spiraling and almost started to believe I was hallucinating an entirely different reality to the "real" one

PTSD - Anxiety in my home to the point I was taking Melatonin every night so I could leave as soon as possible in the morning, constantly being on edge to the point where the TV being too loud made me drop everything so I could check it was just the TV and not people screaming at each other, remembering traumatic situations so many times, actively triggers my OCD as well so I have obsessions related to my trauma, too anxious to do tasks even in a safe environment because I'm afraid that one day something terrible will happen which leaves me depressed as well, constant stress since the situation was never resolved, constant guilt, I still shake and my voice wavers when I talk about it

PMDD - THE IRRITABILITY AND RAGE OH MY!, constantly talking myself off the edge while in the middle of my workday, work ethic goes down significantly due to how miserable I feel, short but terrible depressive episodes starting around two weeks before my cycle, getting angry at others for no reason to the point I can't recognize myself sometimes (luckily I'm pretty good at keeping the anger in), not having motivation to do anything, have to leave work early sometimes which has wrecked my PTO

---

I think I needed to write that down so I don't feel like I'm overreacting. My pain is valid. My mental pain is valid. And it would still be valid if it didn't significantly alter my life.

I'm doing all that I can to be better. I am so much better than I was and I want to be better than I am now. But I need to allow myself to wallow in my pain as well. I cannot let it consume me but I cannot cage it either. I guess that's what I'm doing right now.

---

Other than that, today has been less productive than I wanted it to be! I still need to go grocery shopping. Too late to do that today :(

I tried doing my nails today but I tried a new method and it did NOT work out well! I'll try again on my next day off.

I leave you all with my latest obsession: Sabrina Carpenter

[1indigoisles]

Prologue

Strange how some stories start with racing towards the end.

The girl was running as fast as she could, away from a creature that was impossible to describe. It’s appearance was nothing she could relate to from real life, constantly changing shape, emanating blackish smoke that could never come from a fire. It was just black, completely black; so black, it looked 2D. She had just witnessed the creature plunging its talon-like fingers into her friend’s spine, to which he, with a feral howl capable of ripping the skies to shreds, crumbled to ash, or it could have been dust – she was too petrified to tell – leaving only a black image cut out of the exact position he’d been in before disintegrating, his shadow, the girl realised with a jolt, pasted on the walls of the room of pure white.

A place where no one could cast shadows.

A place where creatures like the one after the girl’s blood weren’t supposed to be able to enter.

No one would be able to even begin to guess how and why it had happened; it was impossible for anything like that creature to enter.

But it had, and the girl could testify. If, of course, she lived. Did she even want to live, at this point? Of course she did. Someone like her, someone who had done so many terrible things to stay alive, always would. Even if she had nothing left to go back to. Even if it was all her fault.

But she also ran because if she didn’t, it would mean a lot of bad things for a lot of good people. At least, that’s what a good person’s reason should be. Her life would be slowly sucked out of her, and it would unleash hell. But when she tried to think of it that way, that she was doing the selfless thing by staying alive, it didn’t feel right. She knew she was doing it entirely for herself. She also knew that she was scared, very scared, scared enough that she would have left someone to die if it meant that she could continue running. That she could be safe. And she wished she didn’t know it.

She ran faster.

A little too fast for a human, maybe, but now, any limit to her speed was undesirable, as the creature was unbelievably fast itself and was already close behind, even after she had gotten a few minutes head-start.

Her surroundings were a blur; all she could tell was that she was surrounded by a thick mess of trees, rocks and bushes, and that it was pitch dark, with only the light of the moon and stars to guide her. The sounds of her footsteps were plagued with the crushing of dry leaves and the snapping of twigs, and she could actually smell the metal of her own fear pulsing in her blood. The creature fed on that. Speed was her only advantage, and exactly how long was that going to work in her favour?

I can’t hide from it, she then realised, and a feeling of sharp cold that had nothing to do with the night’s air set into her mind. She was beyond noticing, however. She was just amazed she still had the ability to think.

The girl remembered what it was like to run from something that would inevitably catch you. She’d had a lot of time to think about it, and she’d learnt quite a few things.

One thing about being chased like that was that you always realised too late that you were doomed. People tend to have that one last hope in a near-death situation, that if they tried hard enough, ran fast enough, they could survive.

But soon – it doesn’t matter if it gets better or worse – there’s that point of pure clarity, your head is relieved of all terror, it’s totally clear, and you can somehow think very normally, when you realise that you’re not going to make it.

That feeling is terrifying, but not at that very moment. Remember, you’re trying to save yourself, so you just feel a dreadful cold steal over your entire body. It even chokes you a little. But it doesn’t matter, you would be dead anyway.

And if, by some miracle, you come out of it alive, well, it’s so much worse there isn’t a word for it. Because then, you have the rest of your life to think about that incident, piece it out, try and get over it, maybe. But you never forget it. Some people may go insane or suicidal, but they never forget, not ever.

And the girl never forgot either, even though she had been young, even though 10 years had passed since then, even though she’d done every possible thing she could to forget, to forget that night.

But she never could.

After all, the only memories that truly stayed with you forever were the worst ones, the ones that haunt you forever.

The creature that was apparently after her blood was the very same that had stood, clear and black as night, in a humanoid shape, looking more like a shadow as it seemed to curiously inspect the door of her house when she was six. It lifted a black hand and touched the wood, turning it into shadowy smoke that wafted over it and became part of the creature. The girl watched, standing next to a fallen glass of water she’d been drinking from as the thing stepped into the house and the screams of her parents rent the air.

After that, the memory was unclear, like a blur. Little glimpses of it were all that was left. Her parents screaming, her bedroom floor collapsing with all her things still in it, cold hands trying to snatch her away but warm hands holding her instead, and blood, blood everywhere.

All the girl remembered after that were ambulances, police cars and people shouting. She remembered being covered in blood and sweat and tears, and she remembered seeing some people carrying two adult-sized body-bags out of the house.

She remembered not being able to breathe.

For that was the night her parents died.

And now, the creature was back.

She was running and running, but pants were rising in her breath, her legs, against her will, were slowing and it was not long before the girl, with fear unimaginable, realised the creature had caught her with its claws, legs lifting off the ground as it flew, like an owl with its prey, into the now moonless, starless night.

[wowifinallywatched]

Wow I Finally Watched Eric

Unlike our regular scheduled programming of me finally watching a show / movie that's been out for a long time and I'm finally sinking my teeth into it, This is a new show that just came out and I don't know why, but I instantly felt drawn to it.

Actually, I do know why.

Why is Benedict Cumberbatch standing there with a giant furry monster next to him?

I was hooked from there.

It starts off like every childs dream, imagine getting to witness one of your favourite shows first hand and your parent being in the centre of it all? Living the dream right?

Until you fall away from that perfect picture and reality falls into place. Then we all see a story that too many people relate to on an intimate level.

And Children will see whats happening right infront of them and will have a far better understanding of situations, words, circumstances and relationships than we give them for.

Children see so much kindness and Hope, We need to be adults and make sure they can hold onto that for as long as possible. Otherwise, They're going to try take the reigns and escape into a world where there's No fighting, No harsh words and do what they feel is best for themselves.

And then there are some that get taken from us too soon. Where their good heart, Hope for the future, Respect for their home and their people are taken advantage of for the most horrible, Disgusting and incredibly terrible reasons. Where they don't get a choice, They don't get to keep that hope, that light, That childhood. They not only don't get to be a kid anymore, But they don't get to live at all.

But do you know what I think this cores show is really about?

If you know something, so deeply in your heart, and you believe it without question or hesitation, Go after it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, Because no one else can do what you can do.

Even if it tracks you through the mud, It lets you see the bright blue sky, People may lose faith in you but through it all, You know what you're doing is the right thing to do and in the end it will pay off.

Through that experience you’ll find out things about yourself, Meet good people, Bad people and people just trying to survive. You'll bring justice to those that were wronged, Respect to a life that was taken too young and make sure those that bring disgust to a force that's meant to protect. You may even confront your own fears and see your true colours.

You may finally get to let go of your greifs of the past and live your truest and best self.

And yes, Wouldn't it be best to skip all that and get to the happy ending? But then you'd be missing the whole point.

Sometimes, Not always, Life is better for going through it.

(This does not apply to all situations, This is just in context of the show and some experiences in life, No one deserves to be treated like shit, Used or taken advantage of in fiction or real life whether personal or situational growth comes from it or not. Some people can just be really fucked, Deserve to be punished and not forgiven)

[lifezvictory]

Okay, so today’s (technically yesterday’s since I’m writing this post at midnight but I don’t really consider it to be the next day until I either go to sleep, or the sun comes up, whatever comes first) episode of SaMS was very emotional, to say the least. Normally I don’t write posts about those because my possibly neurodivergent brain (haven’t been officially diagnosed but I’m almost certain it’s true) doesn’t really know how to formulate coherent, smoothly flowing pros about hyper-emotional stuff, especially when I’ve recently been exposed to it. But, I have some thoughts that I have to share, so I’m releasing them into the chaotic bowels of Tumblr. (These thoughts, of course, contain spoilers for the latest episode so only click read more if you’ve seen it or are willing to be spoiled.)

So, I have a feeling that Eclipse is really, truly dead this time. And when I first got acquainted with this orange menace, I would’ve been extátic at this. I was the first time he “died.” But now? I’ve actually got mixed feelings.

On one hand, Eclipse really was a terrible person and he kind of deserved what he got. But on the other? I’m a little disappointed with the writers’ decision. Because, it felt like they had been leading up to a redemption ark for Eclipse. All this talk about him having nobody and no purpose, I just felt like it could have been leading up to something bigger. And even though I used to hate Eclipse with a burning passion, I have read two amazing fanfics that did an ark for him insanely well, and I would have loved to see the original creators of this character’s take on it. Although, there was a part of me that thought it might not go that direction because in one q & a, someone asked if Eclipse could be redeemable, to which Sun and Moon understandably denied and I thought could possibly be the opinion of the creators themselves, and not just Sun and Moon’s.

The little scene near the end of the video, with Eclipse and Solar Flare in the mindscape right before their death really got to me, especially with Eclipse’s reaction. He was genuinely terrified unlike his first version’s death, and I’m pretty sure the guy went through the five stages of grief in those thirty seconds or so. It resonated with me because it humanizes (animatronicizes?) Eclipse, showing that he fears death as much as anybody else, but it’s also relatable to me, personally, because I have quite a bit of anxiety surrounding my own death.

One thing, or rather one person that i feel like people aren’t focusing enough on however, is Solar Flare. I know many people didn’t care about them much (The Blue Guy, in his video talking about SaMS lore said that they’re basically just Eclipse’s minion which fair) but they always held a special place in my mind. I felt like there was so much possibility for their character, especially the way the lore episodes were going. They were just developing, or at least appearing to develop, sentience and a personality/identity of their own, only to be killed off along with Eclipse when they hadn’t really done anything wrong. They were only following their programming to serve Killcode when he was evil, and actually seemed to be forming into a decent person before their demise. Only for all that potential to just be wiped away in an instant, with not many people taking notice, in universe or out. Eclipse was the only person who got to know the true them, if only slightly, and he never even appreciated them or treated them well. Hell, I don’t think Solar Flare even got a single positive interaction with anyone in their entire short existence. Yet they still somehow managed to remain so well-intentioned and wise? (I have to continue writing my Solar Flare-centric fic in their memory)

In real life, death is just like that. It cuts lives short, removing vibrant beings with lots of potential (I have no clue what happens after death but I’d like to think of it as a permanent absence and not an absolute destruction for the sake of my sanity.) But, this is fiction. And there’s a point where I’d just rather not have fiction be quite this realistic and devastating, you know?

The fact that Solar Flare was so accepting of their death made it even more heartbreaking for me, personally. They were completely accepting of it, and didn’t seem afraid at all (although it could be because they weren’t yet emotionally developed enough to express it.) This, to me, meant that they had nothing left to live for, and felt as though they no longer had a purpose. And for me who, as you would know if you’ve been reading my posts for a while, likes Solar Flare quite a lot, it devastated me. I want to give Solar Flare a big hug.

I’m not sure how to end this post. But, that’s my thoughts on the latest lore. I think this was probably the longest post I’ve made to date.

[sincerely-krp]

A humble, maybe desperate, request

Hello!

I am writing regarding the whole kji vs hs mods/bbh drama going on in the mewerp community right now. I would like to apologize in advance if my English is unnatural as I am not a native speaker. Also forgive me if I am not sending this where I should, I never had a tumblr blog and I am not too sure how it works.

I am a former member of the rp close to Jongin’s mun and I would like to have a sincere heart-to-heart between me and you guys.

Right now I am very concerned about my friend. Clearly neither side handled the issue well, yes, including my friend, and there were many mistakes that only escalated things into the mess that it became. So I was hoping that now that the incident is over, everyone would be able to close the chapter and move on. But now, I see other people bringing the topic up again and again in this blog. I see people who weren’t involved in the first place coming with their own versions of what happened, ranging from baseless lies to half-truths and quotes taken out of context. All this is only making mun upset again and urges them to respond to everything, even days later, which makes me terribly worried about their mental health despite them telling me they are fine. I am aware that my friend is definitely not the only one hurting from this all, but I am focusing on them because they are the ones I am close to and I see them dealing with it every day. I would like to clarify that no, my friend doesn’t know that I am sending you this message, so this is not me trying to throw a pity party. But at this point, I feel like, as a friend, I need to do my duty and try to step in and stop this madness. These things can have real life consequences, for everyone, that I am terrified to even think of and I just don’t want my friend to get stressed any more than they already have.

So, please, I beg you, from one person just trying to enjoy the internet to the other, please don’t post asks related to the HS incident anymore. Yes, I am aware this is a lot to ask for, I know this blog is dedicated to gossip and tea and it has the right to exist just like any other blog. I also acknowledge that people have the right to express their thoughts related to anything they want without censorship. I’m not trying to dictate what you should do with your own blog that you have 100% the right to run however you wish. I know that your intentions aren’t to hurt anyone irl. I’m not even opposed to reopening discussions about this incident after some time, when all parties have cooled down and can talk about it more objectively. What I’m trying to do is protect my friend’s mental health and hoping that by doing this, other people’s mental health will be spared too. Yes, you can say I’ve reached a point of desperation. I really just want peace, first of all, for my friend; but I also think it would benefit the rest of the rp too if the conversation died down and everyone gets back to enjoying the rp experience. At the end of the day, we all just want to enjoy our hobby and forget about the stress behind the screen. I just think everything has been dragged out way more than it needed to be and we’re not even having healthy discussions anymore, it’s just rants after rants that do nothing but everyone or someone…

As mun’s friend, I will also do my duty and have a serious conversation with them about everything and convince them to close this chapter too and stop responding to messages. Please help me by not posting asks anymore or at least limiting them as much as possible. I am very worried and I just want us all to move on, I truly feel that it’s time for us to close this messy chapter.

I know this is a lot. I know you’re not obligated to listen to me, nor are you obligated to respond. Either way, thank you for taking the time to read my message and please consider my proposal.

I hope you have a good day.

admin note: we will post the pent up hs asks in our inbox right now that came before this to be fair, and reblog this so it remains at the top after!