#it sucks that hes Like That bc hes so so so so beautiful im talking like masterpiece type shit. someone worked real hard on that one

[faaun]

i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao

[fivevotesdown]

I've pinked him. he's pinked

[g0thsoojin]

🦴

[starredforlife]

remember that extremely cringe gay couple from the last of us where one of them was a dont tread on me guy

[waywardsalt]

the phantom hourglass manga is the one i care about the most out of all of the loz manga and therefore the one i am most willing to rip apart because of its relation to the game, its own problems, and the potential that was lost or thrown away for any reason at all

making this separate than the list of things i liked about the phantom hourglass manga

im not going to be too organized about this; ill go by topic and in each topic go in chronological order through the manga and everything else will probably be all over the place

im not even going to touch the story yet and just go after the art off the bat because i really believe that this manga has the weakest art of all of them. i dont know if its due to some kind of time crunch or a lack of care but its really… im not expecting any of these books to have killer art, but in ph it just feels like there was less effort with inconsistencies in some designs and either very low detail or just absent backgrounds. this feels like a mean-spirited critique since i understand that manga is difficult to create and requires a lot of effort but its just visually… worse than the loz manga that came before or after it.

some specific grievances i have with the art are things like inconsistent designs of some characters (linebeck is hard to draw and i get that but hes just… never totally consistent) and some items like weapons (the shape of bellumbeck’s sword changes during the fight for some reason) and stuff is… left out. the fire temple has basically no layout since link’s just in some flavor of void for the entire blaaz fight. one of the panels with linebeck’s ship shows it from the behind at an angle where you should see the deck but its just not there

his ship is also missing its chimney on the cover art

this is also more of an opinion thing but the way astrid looks almost nothing like her game counterpart is just… it’s a nickpick based on opinion but that is Not The Same Character.

you can absolutely tell a fantastic story with lacking art, but the reason why im criticizing this manga’s art is because its the tenth in a series of manga who, up until this point, has had consistently good art, and then it drops off with weak backgrounds and character inconsistencies.

plus, i really care about how this story is visually portrayed.

the pacing, even with half of the story cut, is also a bit of a problem. as far as i'm aware, this is the only loz manga to have significant chunks of the story cut out, and while it admittedly works well with only half of the story, it fucks with the pacing a bit. specifically, it screws over linebeck's arc, which i'll talk about more in a different section, but it also kind of glosses over the phantom sword and (obviously) loses some possible time for further character exploration and whatever. the cut from the ghost ship right to jolene right to the final boss is, while handled well, kind of abrupt.

obviously, cutting half of the damn story will make what's kept feel a little too fast, but even some of the stuff more original to the manga is paced weirdly or is just... eh.

there's a bit after neri is found where linebeck decides to stop working with link and basically ditches him and this whole thing lasts one to two goddamn pages before everything is patched up and good and... why even include it if you turn the page and oh problem fucking solved. it's even a little out of character for linebeck at that point since a few pages before he's seen getting the sands of time for link and it's... it make sense but it's a really extreme character choice and while it serves its purpose (introducing the idea of linebeck not valuing other people very much and realizing that) it's still extremely brief.

the added stuff with linebeck being a past member of the ghost ship, while fine and interesting at first glance is also a strange choice that doesn't work all that well? it works for characterization and all of that but it makes for a weird situation with linebeck's character motivation where he's a coward and after the ghost ship for the treasure on it, but if he was present on the ghost ship literally as it was fucking gutted then he would know exactly what the danger of the ship is and want to avoid it no matter what. in the game his motivation for going after the ghost ship works because he doesn't know for certain whats on that ship and has never been on it. plus, aside from character backstory and whatever, it doesnt serve much of a purpose. linebeck even makes some comments about the ship's interior and the like but it all amounts to nothing because link never actually goes into the ship anyways. it's just a weird backstory to give linebeck.

the shuffling around (and cutting of one of) the three final bosses is also weird. it makes sense for the story order the manga goes with, but it actually lowers the stakes for the bellumbeck fight (in the game literally everything is on the line but in the manga its just linebeck and they absolutely use that to their advantage but still) and mixing the ghost ship fight and bellum fights make the final encounter really brief and kind of anticlimactic in some way. it's difficult to express, but the order of the final bosses in the game makes bellum a more interesting villain and melds with linebeck's arc in a much more interesting way. it feels like there was a specific reason for that given order and for the manga to just toss that aside means it loses something.

also reserving pretty much an entire chapter for jolene is A Choice to make. there's nothing wrong with using an adaptation to flesh out a character but here you don't learn anything new about jolene she just kind of makes very little sense in her motivations when you give her more screen time but dont change her from wanting to kill linebeck for fucking off but also still liking him maybe. good for you if you like jolene since she got more time here but they did pretty much nothing interesting with her

this is something i figured out while writing this, but the manga actually does Fuck All with the actual hourglass. you could've cut the fucking thing out and it wouldn't have effected the story too much. link never goes into the temple every again and the phantom sword is just. made on request with link having no interaction with it before using it to kill bellum. the only time the phantom hourglass is actually plot relevant aside from link first getting it and then using it to gather sand is when bellum tells link to bring it to the temple and then it's used exactly once to stop time and then it's used as proof that everything happened. oshus says link needs to use it and the sand to break the curse over the temple of the ocean king and then that never actually happens the sand and the hourglass is just used once to stop time once and otherwise it might as well not be in the story it's so weird. it's also implied that oshus needs the sand to restore tetra after he returns to his own true form but they dont say anything about that after he initially mentions it so who cares. oshus also tells link that zuaz will teach him how to defeat bellum. link never meets zuaz and still beats bellum anyways.

it feels like they cut the latter half of the story but forgot that the fucking majority of linebeck's entire goddamn character arc happens in that part of the story. sure, most of the cutscenes and whatever happens in the first part and linebeck does develop a bit in the first part but he doesn't really start to change until after the ghost ship, when you get his letter and his dialogue starts to change slightly to suggest that he's starting to like link more and care about something other than the possibility of treasure. the manga cutting out the latter half of the story but still making linebeck's arc end in similar places makes his arc feel really fast and even abrupt in the manga. he goes from being fully motivated to get treasure and still kind of selfish to caring a lot for link and deciding not to wish for treasure and the time was just NOT put in to make that a smooth transition.

honestly linebeck overall got fucked in the manga more than any other character. his arc was shafted, his characterization is strange and even kind of changed from the game, he's never drawn consistently and doesn't even look great since he seems to be stuck between two styles when he's drawn, he's more shallow and generally a less interesting character, and while most of that is probably a product of having one book to cover ph, it's still a problem.

like with all of the loz manga, the extremely limited amount of space and time the story is given absolutely fucks it over so you really are stuck with telling nothing more than an abridged and seriously inferior version of the story. i dont care how good the original stuff is if it barely qualifies as a good adaptation. the story wasn't told all of the way and none of the game's strengths are kept or expanded upon. you lose the majority of the best character's arc and depth. half of the story was cut. the title item is barely used. it feels like they didn't really care about adapting phantom hourglass and just hashed out a trimmed-down version of the story to fit into 188 pages and while there was some effort put in with a bit of a unique take on linebeck but it just falls flat when everything around it feels like it wasn't given a second thought.

i'm not suggesting that the author's didn't fucking care, i don't know what the process was with this, but it just... it doesnt feel like they actually wanted to earnestly create a good adaptation of this game. i have an altered perspective on all of this because this game is my special interest and something i deeply care about and inspect the little details of and it kinda just sucks that phantom hourglass never got a good adaptation because... this game has some serious potential for a really good extended adaptation.

Unlike the other Zelda games that the other manga cover, the structure of the journey in Phantom Hourglass has an insane amount of space for fleshing out of character, exploration of new concepts or character relationships, or just.. whatever you want. Providing you cover the original story, of course. Off the bat, there's a nebulous amount of travel time between islands, which can be used by authors for character moments and interactions and just little moments that can be used to further themes or concepts. You can use the implied time overseas between islands to have some interactions between Link and Linebeck. Show the three fairies hanging out with each other. Show the whole crew becoming closer to each other as time drags on.

Linebeck's existence and function within Phantom Hourglass alone is so fucking unique and amazingly good for an extended adaptation. In most other Zelda games, the companions are pretty much glued to Link's side and follows him through dungeons, or they're characters locked in a specific place, more or less divorced from Link's quest, but Linebeck is an integral part of the plot, present for every part of it as it advances, and yet he's out doing fuck-all while Link is in dungeons. He's a great excuse for authors to add detail to islands, write new characterization for background characters, or even just give Linebeck his own b-plot running concurrently with the game's normal plot. He's important to the plot and yet doesn't touch the gameplay; he's free to do whatever you want while Link does dungeon stuff. One possible idea I've mentioned before is the idea of, while Link is in the temple of the Ocean King, is to create and explore a possible relationship between Oshus and Linebeck. Scenes of them talking can be used to flesh out Oshus as a character and to add some extra depth to Linebeck and make his arc more interesting to follow.

There is... SO MUCH you can do with Phantom Hourglass if you care enough to do it, and I'm just so frustrated that we got this solid 4/10 of a manga.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[via-l0ve]

Dating Carlisle Cullen HCs!

a/n: was the requested? absolutely not. am i a slut for daddy cullen? abso-fuckin-lutley

warnings: fluff, smut, swearing, im lowkey an edward hater in this i’m sorry, smut is fem!reader based!! dating daddy carlisle

- when you guys hang out at night /alone he’s all over you

- he holds you, lays on your chest, plays with your hair while you sit inbetween his legs SHSSUWHEISN

- he plays with your fingers while you guys are around other people and he gets a little nervous

- like if your hanging out with friends he’ll play with your fingers and hands, twist around your bracelets and rings

- i love him he’s so soft

- he desperately tries to stop you from popping pimples and blackheads

- “y/n sTOP”

- sometimes you’ll laugh at stuff he says bc it sounds so old fashioned

- he attempts to make you food and most of the time it’s amazing but usually when you two cook it almost always ends up burnt or undercooked or missing an ingredient

- bc he gets distracted by your stupid jokes that sometimes result in a food fight

- carlisle would do anything for you

- literally one time you brought up wanting to go to disneyland because they do a mardi gras parade and he almost bought plane tickets right then and there

- “what’re you doing?”

- “buying plane tickets.”

- “what??? STOP-“

- he loves how you hate when he spends money on you

- it makes him want to do it more

- you both have multiple matching things

- bracelets, rings, necklaces, etc

- he bought you this EXPENSIVE bracelet once and you almost passed out on the spot

- it has your and carlisle’s initials engraved into it and it’s your favorite color

- he lets you paint his nails frequently

- he loves when you do little designs on them too

- he loves being the person you feel comfortable ranting to

- it breaks his heart when he opens his door and sees you with puffy eyes and a red nose, tears reminiscent on your face

- he lets you in and picks you up, speeding you to his bedroom

- he grabs you a big t-shirt and a pair of his boxers and tells you to shower or change before talking about it

- and then after that he does whatever you want

- sometimes he’ll comb your hair while you rant to him, or make you some tea on the kitchen island while you talk to him about what happened

- he’d totally sit you on the counter and cut up + feed you fruit and clean the juice from your chin. im sobbing

- 100% takes care of your stuffed animals

- he would love how you bond with his “kids”

- you and emmett would totally play horror games together

- emmett and you are this clip:

https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxJdszrIKDCtmfnyVLdhVwf2sGqLcJ6NBU

- honestly either of you could be rhett/link and it would still make sense

- you lowkey make fun of edward ngl

- i feel like he plays games with you and emmett too and he sucks ass

- carlisle looses his shit when he hears you make a gooddamn good roast of him and you can hear him laughing from upstairs

- alice constantly tries to buy you clothes she thinks not only you, but also carlisle would like

- Rosalie would confide in you a lot

- tbh it took her a hot minute to warm up to you but when she saw how happy carlisle was with you she gave you a chance

- jasper loves you tbh

- he games w/ u and emmett and you guys kick ass in rocket league

- sometimes Carlisle will just stare at you for no reason

- you’ll catch him and he won’t break eye contact and you get all flustered and look away

- and proceed to look back to see him still staring

- “what’re you looking at?”

- “just you. :)”

- “okay but why”

- “youre beautiful.”

- “get a room!” ~ emmett

- reminds your to take ur medication

- after meeting your family, he’s always down to babysit with you or go to family reunions or vacations

- if it’s a sunny place he’ll just busy himself with work inside

- always liking ur instagram posts

- he always comments on them too

- just a simple “i love you” or “gorgeous🩷”

——— smut time

- respect and consent king

- wouldn’t dream of hurting you/degrading you ever

- he loves tits. sorry not sorry it’s true

- he’ll play w/ ur nipples and leave hickeys on ur boobs

- fucking looses it when you moan his name

- like, if you do that he’s giving you literally everything he has

- his fav position is missionary or when you ride him but you face him

- specifically if he’s sitting in his office chair and you get ontop of him and-

- makes your legs SHAKE

- he has his hands on your hips while you ride him bc that’s hot

- literally adores your body

- he couldn’t care less of your stomach pokes out or if you have love handles or stretch marks

- he loves you for you

- PRAISE

- this man loves to make you blush and he knows exactly how to do it in bed

- master at giving you head

- literally knows exactly what to do and how you like it done

- fucking dies when you ride his face

- like it’s not a thing that he wants he NEEDS it

- he pays attention to your body movements and how you react to certain things

- he’s the typa guy to get on his knees and eat you out

- tongue around ur clit and fingers inside you pumping in and out and moving around inside to touch your g-spot

[ilwonuu]

.· ☁︎ .one more. l.felix part one | two

summary- your boyfriend is addicted to eating you out. like addicted. he could sit for hours eating you. and that’s exactly what he does.

warnings- oral fem receiving, fingering,overstimulation,cum eating, squirting, dirty talk, sweet felix<3, praise??, idk what else lmk what i missed

a little drabble for y’all bc i can’t stop thinking about this felix like im actually gonna go insane.

let me know if i should write another part

your boyfriend has been between your thighs for 2 hours. begging you to cum another time for him. “baby i know you can do it. you have been doing so well.” he says coming up from your cunt before smiling and going back to licking your slit and sucking on your cunt. “lix p-please i can’t cum again.” he shakes his head not stopping his movements slowly rubbing your clit. “yes you can my love. i know you can.” he says sliding two fingers inside of you attaching his mouth back on your cunt.

“hmm taste so good baby.” he says humming against your slit smiling at you innocently. “lix-im gonna cum again..” he doesn’t stop his movements watching your face as it contorts in pleasure.

“cum on my tongue my love. it’s so good.” he says going back to suck on your clit.

“fuck! lix im coming im sorry i can’t hold it.” he smiles at you watching as you squirt all over his fingers, tongue- it is all over. “i-i’m sorry lix.” he shushes you quickly. “baby nothing to be sorry for. that was so hot i came in my pants.” he laughs before moving from between your legs to give you a soft kiss. “you look so beautiful.” he says kissing you again.

[zweiginator]

hmm thjnking about bsf!patrick and inexperienced reader (projecting). you're in college and everyone you know is getting laid. you're just really nervous and have all these hangups. who better to ask then your best friend who's also a guy! patrick gets around, you're sure he's got some insight there.

you're sitting and talking with him when you start spacing out on how to approach the topic with him. when he's like Hello?? are you even listening to me? and you're like can i ask you something? he says yes and it takes you forever to get the words out because you're so embarrassed. you're beating around the bush like, "umm i know you sleep around a lot. and you're probably like super experienced and familiar with sex.. and like i'm not.. so i was just curious like." he's like holy shit just spit it out. you start bombarding him with questions like what's it like? and what do guys like? and i'm worried im not good! or what if i smell? am i supposed to shave? what if-

patrick starts laughing and at first you're so humiliated cuz you think he's laughing at you. but then he's like you've thought Way too much about this. he starts giving his two cents by talking about his experiences in Detail. and you're squeezing your thighs together bc you just found out your best friend is a munch. he notices bc ofc he does. and to prove how much he doesn't care about your insecurities, he eats you out right then and there to prove it.

him groaning when he sees your pussy and kind of getting a kick out of knowing no one's ever touched you there before. bringing your hand to touch his erection straining his pants to show how much you turn him on. you're instinctively trying to clamp your legs shut and he just shakes his head and pulls them apart like "nu uh i wanna see all of you. lemme see that pretty pussy."

omg best friend patrick save me …being so insecure and feeling so inadequate. asking yourself how the fuck you haven’t had anything more than a meaningless kiss at a party with a guy whose name you don’t even remember.

and being best friends with patrick— who has absolutely no issue putting himself out there, getting phone numbers and hooking up with beautiful girls—only makes it worse. you feel like you’ve tried putting yourself out there and going out more and it’s just not working.

so the conversation turns away from the movie you’re watching and towards sex because you just can’t stop thinking about it. you’re almost done with your first year of college and you’re still a virgin. it feels like a clock is ticking.

“i just feel like there’s something wrong with me.”

patrick looks at you. he looks serious for once. “there’s nothing wrong with you. i promise.”

“how do i know i mean—you have sex all the time. is there something about me that guys don’t like i mean, you can tell me—“

patrick cuts you off. he smiles and shakes his head. “fuck no, there’s nothing about you that guys don’t like. i mean, if a guy doesn’t like something about you then that’s on him, okay?”

but you just won’t let it go and you’re delving into the girls patrick has hooked up with. comparing yourself to them which is awkward for so many reasons but you just want to know—what sets them apart from you? what does patrick like in bed? maybe you could practice, maybe you could learn.

patrick’s cheeks are growing red, which is abnormal from a boy who’s never embarrassed.

and patrick goes into detail about what he likes in bed. you tell yourself you’re just curious, sitting on your hands and swinging your legs as you lean closer to him on the couch, wanting to digest everything he says. wanting to absorb and learn and be better. more desirable.

he talks about a lot of things. tits and ass, obviously. pretty glossy lips and nice hair. he likes thighs too, likes grabbing them when he fucks girls. patrick says of course he loves blowjobs and pulling girls’ hair up to watch them suck him off. the perverted part of him likes when they choke on him and sputter and whine. he likes messy make out sessions and when girls ride him so hard he doesn’t even have to move. he also likes doggy. pulling girls’ asses back onto his dick and rubbing his thumb over their asshole.

but patrick saves his favorite for last. he says his most favorite thing is eating girls out. he goes into detail with this one, maybe because he likes how intently you’re listening, how you’re letting out little gasps and how your lip is bitten between your teeth.

he likes spreading little pussies open with his big hands and keeping girls’ legs pinned apart. wide open for him to admire how wet he makes them. he loves to tease and rub their inner thighs, kiss them and lick them. he loves when they inevitably mewl and beg for his mouth. he loves pressing sloppy open-mouthed kisses to their cunts and laving and licking at their clits. spitting on them and splitting them open with his fingers. curling them up and making their hips jerk.

you’re wet now. and you squeeze your legs together.

and patrick stops his storytelling.

“you know what?” he asks.

you lean closer, wanting to be extra keen on what he’s going to say. “hm?”

“maybe i should just show you, yeah?”

you whimper. you’re not so sure but god you’re so turned on and patrick is really hot—you’ve known that forever but you’ve never seen yourself as on his level. it’s never felt in the realm of possibility to have him but now he’s looking into your eyes asking to eat you out. you nod.

“yeah. only—if you want to. but i’m nervous.”

“no need to be nervous. i’m your best friend.”

that’s precisely why you are nervous.

“okay—“

and patrick pulls you to him. kisses your navel and then your hips, his fingers looped around your pajama pants. he pulls them down and your legs are glued together. patrick can see your pretty panties, pink and cotton but beautiful nonetheless. he spreads your legs, runs a finger over your clothed cunt. he comments about how wet you are.

you hide behind your hands.

patrick wants to build your confidence. he wants you to realize how fucking beautiful you are because he sees it but you just can’t seem to.

“don’t be embarrassed.” he pries your hands away from your eyes and grabs your hand, pulling it to his erection, tented beneath his sweatpants. “see what you do to me? we’re in the same boat princess.”

then, he says your pussy is beautiful and you can tell he really means it.

and maybe you didn’t expect it to feel that good. you didn’t know anything could. but patrick’s mouth latches onto your pussy and he drools and licks and spits. sucks your clit into his mouth and rolls his tongue over it. plunges his fingers inside you and fucks you with them, with his tongue. slobbers on you and drools, moans against you with his fingertips dug into your thighs. you feel yourself about to cum and patrick can tell too by how you’re writhing and how your legs are shaking. you’re trying to shut your thighs and his head is locked between them but he’s strong and he can spread you how he wants to.

“keep ‘em spread i told you how i like to eat pussy didn’t i?”

[honeyydrunk]

the nct fuckboy/fratboy agenda has me weakkkk omg give us more whenever u have the time ur so good!!!

ofc thank u !! they have me going delusional feral crazy barking and meowing !! let me do it for you let me write it out ANY MORE REQUESTS LEMME KNOW !!

part 1 link NCT COLLEGE FUCKBOYS PART 2 ten jeno jungwoo hendery yangyang renjun xiaojun winwin

ten lee chittaphon leechaiyapornkul is a whore. absolute whore. he's raising those neos into SLUTS. his reputation precedes him bc he is so pretty, so flexible, so ughhhhhhhhhhh !!!! like you see him for the first time and you know why people say he's got a body count bigger than his age. everyone wants to fuck himmm. he's so pretty, and even even prettier fucked out. messy hair and everything.

he's always flirting with someone new in the hallway when you see him. and like taeyong, his sex tapes get sent AROUND. people come up to him at school randomly and beg for 1 night w him. he's slept w all the neos at one point im sure about that.

you knew about how much of a SLUT bro was. but once you saw one of his sex tapes w johnny, you found yourself showed up outside of his class and begged for him. he responded that you should dm him w your application and he might get back to you about it. lee jeno 💪 bro is ur average athlete player fuckboy. THE cliche. smokes behind the benches, rich family, somehow top of the class. the one that everyone swears they won't fall for but they all want. you see a new girl on his arm each week and it hurts. but you've already fallen, it's just a matter of time. he'll start wearing you down and he didn't even know he did it. but you did. pulling the triangle technique when you lock eyes, catching you when you fall. and eventually he'll be right behind you when you shamefully admit to your friend that you want him. when he fucks you gone in his car? you know you need to get him to stay with you. you couldn't live without this. like you need his dick to even function. you've given up your life for him, just so that when he asks you're available to suck his dick.

JUNGWOO,,,, oh my god. he's so crazy. y'all remember the 2 baddies fuckboy jungwoo era. imagine that, but that's his default setting. man's still sugaring candy, but it's ur candy this time. he's sucking ur pussy if u didn't understand what doja said. he's the quiet slut. the whole school doesn't talk about him like they do mark, ten, taeyong and jeno. but when you see him? you're done for. batshit crazy delusional. his whole demeanour and personality is straight flirting, pulling his shirt up at every opportunity. the way he walks around the school with his sweet perfume trailing, he gets people going feral over him. people will just walk up and beg for him to fuck him, and ofc jungwoo obliges if they're hot enough.

he's so sweet when you taste him, like his cum is sweeter than sugar. his perfume too. everything about him is like a candy drug. a pretty moan when you suck him dry. he's so pretty and sweet that makes you cum too. genuinely, you start following him around school just so you can smell him. you don't even care it's creepy.

H E N D E R Y is the epitome of "so weird you forget he's hot." he's actually extremely popular. genuinely friends with everyone. people are a little hesitant because they know he's part of the neo slut gang, and they see him acting a little unusual special crazy. but they actually have a conversation with him and suddenly they realise, bro this guy is amazing. and jus like that he's friends with everyone.

but then, uh well here comes a strange phenomenon. you've only seen him being silly, a little whimsical even. but when you see him zoned out, or concentrating for once? ..... "oh". because you finally realise how beautiful he is. an actual prince. it's not exaggerated to say he's taken your breath away. you're in love. imagine how much it hurts to go to a party and realise that you're not the only one in the room that is. so many people had that exact experience as you. learning how beautiful he truly is, falling in love, and begging for him. you see him in the corner, zoned out from the loud music and watch one of the guys you're mutually friends with have that phenomenon right there and then, pulling him away to a cupboard.

the same thing happened 3 times that night. liu yangyang international exchange fuckboy. he doesn't realise he's a fuckboy though. with the whole funny and cute personality going on, he thinks he's just got an amazing ability to pull people. sleeping with a different person or multiple people at a party, to seeing someone new every day and asking for their instagram. bro doesn't even know about the horrendous reputation he's got. "dude people say i'm a slut? nahhh that's crazy."

yangyang is of the opinion he's just a funny chill guy. down for anything, including a little fun fuck times whenever someone asks. and while that's his reasoning, he doesn't quite understand how it looks to everyone else. a rich guy coming back from germany, taiwan, and wherever else for weekend getaway bender and driving to school in a luxury car with a new girl in it almost every day.

when he fucks? it's just like his personality. fun and hyper. bros fucking for a good time and with him it's definitely a good time. spilling cum on the luxury leather seats, tinted windows and a surround sound system. yeah,,,,, you see why he does this so often. it's genuinely so much fun. better make sure you give him a really good time though, so he invites you to his apartment next time.

renjunnie the most smug class president for some, and nct's little plaything to others. it really depends on who you ask. for people in his class, he is the most obnoxious, smug, annoying ahh know it all, with the biggest dick. (a stick up his ass which is obviously jenos). genuinely, every person he's tutored has ended up unfortunately eyeing him instead of the book. how did that end? with him being just as rude and bitchy as he fucks you. measuring how much he pleases you by how much you can answer while fucked out.

but for the ones that know of the dreamies having their way with him can't possibly see him as anything other than a little toy. the way the other six just devour that man is actually quite shocking. lowkey surprised bro can even walk.

xiaojun oh my lord. this man's moans are heavenly. you actually cum when you hear them. (lowkey think some czennie do when he hits those notes). he's part of the nct moaner gets passed around line with renjun, haechan, taeyong, and ten. horrid sex tapes.

he looks so beautiful. standing in front of the school performance during an assembly, halting everyone with his voice. if you could look around, you'd see everyone frozen. haunted by his siren song and face that launched a thousands wars. everyone in that room was looking at him, and only him. in that room, no one was in a relationship. how could they love anyone else except him.

countless marriage proposals, dowrys of billions. everyone in that room would give xiaojun the world in exchange for a sliver of his love. no joke someone has given him a car in exchange for his private instagram account. winwin bros got the cha eunwoo effect. the campus crush. he hangs out with the china line horrid fuckboys , yangyang hendery chenle. but who cares? that actually elevates his status. literally a rose in a garden of slutty ahh thorns. that's not to say he's not a giant fuckboy. he's just quieter about it.

with his quiet excuses, sneak dates an hour away, his subtle ways of affection. he says he doesn't want attention, so you can't publicly date. but that's just so the other girls won't find out. he doesn't even think he's dating you, just seeing where it goes. eventually you'll call it off, "making it easier on your friendship" you say. that's how he goes through so many girls.

taking you to a beautiful garden several hours out of the city, you think it's romantic. he uses a different phone to text with you, 'so the guys don't go through my regular one and tease you'.

enjoying the sunlight he's slowly fingering you so you're focused on his love, and not seeing what's right in front of you

tags: @stanskzorillkickyou you asked for yangyang bbg !!

prev: haechan, mark, johnny, yuta, jaemin, kun, chenle, jisung next: jaehyun doyoung taeil lucas

[alornights]

⟢ you took my soul.

➜ in which ! your beauty took their breath away.

💌 ﹫main 4 + butters stotch.

✩ 🎸 warnings﹗none.

🍓 ⟡ notes — me when subliminals start working, tehehe. based on the jimmy & kyle pretty people drabbles i did. idk what im doing tbh.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ eric cartman.

hates you.

the guy was so confused about why you looked like you were glowing and why his heart was about to beat out of his chest.

death stared you the entire first week you moved to town.

he later confronts you asking if you do witchcraft. you obviously answer you don't. he thinks you're lying and got plastic surgery.

you say you didn't with like the prettiest smile he's ever seen. he takes your word for it and everyone was shocked.

since then he's been like a parasite who always seems to be stuck with you always there to shoo off anyone irrelevant.

thinks he has asthma bc every time he sees you his breath cuts short and fucking hates himself for "having" asthma.

has tried on multiple occasions to "get rid" of people who bothered you even in the slightest way.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ kyle broflovski.

is actually so fucking flustered around you.

when he saw you in the cafeteria walking in he couldn't take his eyes off you the entire time, even with his friends calling for him.

if you even give him the slightest hint you're into him, he will take matters into his own hands and just brag to everyone.

for funsies of course.

deffo helps you away from any unwanted eyes, help meaning may literally threaten them in the worst ways possible.

when he's around you its like he's in a daze for him, he just feels like he's on cloud nine and is living the best life ever.

suddenly becomes the most romantic person ever, not that he wasn't already. but like hella cheesy hopeless romantic.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ stan marsh.

the classic and boring response is a throws up. but he actually doesn't do that contrary to popular beliefs.

he faints instead!

he thought he died since he saw an angel and then his vision went black but he thought hey at least that meant hed be in heaven.

he is stunned when he wakes up in the nurse's office and sees you worried about him of all people.

is like a stuttering mess but he starts slowly but surely relaxing around you, still very nervous talking to you though.

has bragged very purposely in front of wendy that y'all are friends.

while he may not be good at romance, he does try. and by trying i mean he makes u a picnic and brings takeout.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ kenny mccormick.

ay, he has a heart attack because of you.

kidding. but bro does feel his heart like- stop when he sees you walking down the halls like it's some rom-com movie.

instantly starts making moves on you, no hesitation.

doesn't matter whats going on, if he has the chance, hell take it.

at one point thought you were like his actual guardian angel because he had yet to die after meeting you.

still thinks you are and worships the ground you walk on.

very much one of those "ill do anything for you" but he actually will do anything for you, like seriously. just ask.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ butters stotch.

surprisingly the most normal of the bunch.

treats you like a normal human being thankfully.

though he does like stutter around you a lot but that calms down and he's usually back to his normal self in like a day or two.

is very much attached to you especially since his parents have

brags so much to the guys and tells them to "suck on these nuts bitch" because you don't hang out with them, ever.

has tried, and failed, to set up a date with you two. cried himself to sleep, and repeated this process for like a week.

it did work. at his house, in front of his parents! but it was kinda fun, you surprisingly got along with them very well.

[spikedhe4rt]

dating dallas hcs??

Dallas Winston x Reader Headcannons 🪐🪐

A/N: Hope you enjoy this. I just want to say, I love you guys so much. Thank you for all the support and patience! My request box is always open! <3

✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

❥ You guys met at bucks, you were a bartender and he lives there.

❥ He started to talk to you randomly because he was just bored.

❥ It turned into hours and hours of conversation and you guys just hit it off.

"Im Dallas Winston, Im sure you've-" You quickly interrupted with a sarcastic eye roll. "Yes, Ive heard of you. You say that to all the girls in town". He shook his head with a grin. "Nah, only the pretty bartenders." Cue another eye roll

❥ You were a fire cracker and he loved that about you.

❥ Yall became close to the point, he would rant to you about Sylvia. You had to hide your jealousy every time.

❥ You were talking to him about some rude person at work and he truly realized how beautiful you are. He really sat and stared for a hot minute.

"I wanted to punch that asshole so- Hello? Earth to Dallas fucking Winston?"  he jumped slightly at your words before cooly nodding.  "Im listening..."

❥ He was honestly conflicted about his feelings for you.

❥ It wasn't until you went on a date with someone else, he confessed.

"Dallas, whats your problem?" You didn't get why he was being such an asshole today. "Why didn't you come over today!?" he said angrily. "I had a date, y'know that!" he shrugged "Exactly!"

"It was just a movie and-" He looked at you with what felt like a hurt expression "and you didn't need to be with him. I like you." His hand came to the sides of your face and fiercely kissed you.

❥ You guys started dating after that. You guys never officially asked eachother, you just felt it.

❥ Getting to wear his Christopher.

❥ Walking around together with his arm around you.

❥Him never letting you walk around alone because he gets worried.

❥ The only time he will let you touch his hair is when you're stressed bc he's know you love it

❥ He leaves the biggest hickeys on you.

❥ His love language is acts of service.

❥ You not understanding half the stuff he says because the accent but you know he means well.

❥ He calls you doll and sweetheart.

❥ Always getting flustered when you patch him up bc he claims you have to sit on his lap to do it.

"Dallas, I don't need to sit on your lap to do this. You're fine just sitting on the counter" you say with a eyeroll.

❥ When you guys sleep together, he always ends up holding you.

❥ Movie dates

✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

❥ When in missionary, he props your legs on his shoulders so you can feel him deeper.

❥ He use's overstimulation as a punishment and reward.

- "Dally please, its too much." You pant out as Dally brings you to your peak for what seems like the 3rd time. "Weren't you just begging to cum like a pathetic slut after I said no" His thrusts became faster as you moaned out. "You can take it, sweetheart."

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

- "Dally please, more!" You plead for another orgasm, feeling so good that you don't want it to end. You clench around him, moaning out. "You want more, huh? Ill give you whatever as long as you keep being a good girl for me." He continued to fuck you till you both were spent.

❥  He spanks/smacks your ass raw when he hits it from the back.

❥ Leaves loves bites all over your chest.

❥ Loves to tell you everything he going to do to you.

"Oh fuck, Dally faster!" you mewled as he fingered you. His two digits were hitting your g-spot with every thrust. "You like that, huh? Im not gonna stop till you cum all over my fingers."

❥  When he eats you out, he sucks your clit just right and he knows it too.

❥ Has a degrading and praise kink.

"Such a pretty little slut for me"

[t0msvi4gra]

I can't get it away from my head. Could you do something like fem.reader is famous guitarist in girls band (Fem.reader love wearing something like Victoria De Angelis from Måneskin). They are on interview and talking about reader's movements on stage like Tom was doing. She admitted that she want Tom. Tom is in backstage and then he join them. After interview, he take reader in his hotel room and they have sex. Tom is dominant and rough with her. (Tom's era:2010 with black cornrows) Could you do that please?

of courseee☺️

THE INTERVIEW |SMUT | TOM KAULITZ X FAMOUS!FEM!READER

you were apart of a band called “the stars” (YES I KNOW SHITTY NAME BUT THATS ALL I COULD COME UP WITH😭😭) you and your band opened for tokio hotel and you also had your first interview that night.

after the show you and your bandmates went backstage where the interview was.

interviewer: hello everyone today we’re going to be introducing a really popular topic of the music industry today! welcome the stars!

all the fans scream and clap as you guys walk in and sit on the couch.

interviewer: so can you guys all introduce yourselves?

you: im (your name) and im the lead guitarist.

bandmate: im (name) and im the lead singer.

bandmate: im (name) and im the drummer.

bandmate: im (name) and im the bassist.

the interviewer smiles and looks down at her paper.

interviewer: so (your name) are you guys familiar with the band “tokio hotel?”

you guys nod and you speak up holding the microphone to your mouth. “yeah! ive heard of them, one of our told us about them because we had similar music to them. and i think theyre cool ass people.” you smile and nod.

interviewer: would you guys ever collab with them? do you think that would happen?

one of your bandmate chuckles and grabs the mic “of course, and i really think (your name) would. she really fancies tom. “

the fans scream and laugh and the interviewer giggles a little “ohh okay so that explains the certain things you do on stage, i see. funny actually we’re going to bring the band out just to compare your similarities, alright?” you guys nod, “alright everyone please welcome tokio hotel!” all the fans scream loudly and clap again.

you immediately make eyes contact with tom and you blush a little but you look at the interviewer.

after the interview (yes im sorry yall but im so so lazy bc im tired😭) your band and tokio hotel both go into an afterparty for the people who played that night and you just kind of sit in the corner by yourself while your band is talking amongst themselves and tom comes up to you.

“hey youre (your name), right?” he sits relatively close to you and he looks at you and smiles a little.

“mhm i am” you answer nervously but smile back.

“are you from here?” he asks just trying to start conversation.

“no im from (your home country)” you answer and nod.

“oh okay yeah it seems like our fans our very linked with eachother huh?” he asks almost rhetorically. “yeah theyve told us about about you and your band so…” you chuckle shyly as you notice tom glancing down at your cleavage.

“how about i take you back to where my bands staying? is that alright?”

youre eyes widen at the offer and you gulp a littls. “uh yeah of course.” you finally say with excitement but also a lot of surprise.

you get to his hotel and you knock on his door.

“hey schatz,” tom says looking you up and down.

“hi tom.” you walk in.

“you can just sit on the bed.” he says shutting the door. “you need anything?” he asks sweetly. “uh no im alright just trying to settle in.” he sits down beside you and he sips at his coke and he rests his hand on your thigh as he sets down his coke and he pushes you down on the bed. “is this okay?” he whispers in your ear. “mhm” youre so horny now and you dont hold back and you kiss him.

tom kisses your jawline down to your neck and he stops between your breasts to pull your shirt up.

“youre so so beautiful.” he says taking your bra off and sucking on your nipple.

after, he kisses down your stomach and rips your pants of along with your panties and you giggle a little as he picks you up and moves you further on the bed and he wastes no time in taking his clothes off and he lines his cock at your entrance and he goes in slowly before pounding you hard causing the bed to creak. “t-tom… fuck! faster.” you moan loudly. he goes faster and he leans down to kiss you. “youre so tight… fuck baby.” he mumbles against your lips. “dont fucking stop babe.” you plead as you let him fuck you hard. “you like this huh? you’ve always dreamed of this hm? being fucked by me?” he asks rhetorically. “mhm” you moan loudly, practically seeing stars. “you close baby?” he asks holding onto your breasts. you nod unable to speak. “words babygirl.” he groans and you whimper “y-es im so close!” you cry out in pleasure. “youre so goddamn big! fuck!” you come hard and tom comes deep inside you. “fuck liebe, you were so so good.” he chuckles out of breath and collapses beside you pulling you into his arms.

[danikamariewrites]

I’m in such a mood for some good old corruption😈 Would it be okay to request something with Eris x reader where reader was very shielded and never experienced normal things, like sleepovers, gossip w friends, and doesn’t get insinuations. She’s maybe eating something with cream and she’s licking stuff and it turns him on but she doesn’t understand why. Like she’s so naive/innocent and he just wants to corrupt her. People want the same and she gets hit on a lot, she unintentionally flirt back and think they’re having a normal conversation. So Eris protects her from it bc only he is allowed to bask in her innocence 👀 maybe he even takes her virginity 👀👀

idk why im like this tbh. Im just horny i guess…

Corrupt

Eris x reader

A/n: he would have a corruption kink lmao

Warnings: Dom/sub dynamics, corruption kink, suggestive

You’re younger than Eris by 100 years and you’re also the only girl in your family

Your family is high nobility in the Autumn Court so you have been heavily protected all your life

When the bond snapped for you and Eris it was at an Autumn Equinox ball

Eris was overjoyed that his little mate is so innocent

He couldn’t wait to show you everything around the court, in the bedroom, and about relationships in general

Eris took a risk and told his father who thought the match was perfect because Beron could get something out of it

The next day your family was called to the forest house. You were nervous because your parents wouldn’t tell you what was going on but focused on making sure you looked beautiful

Entering the throne room and seeing Eris you knew this meeting was about the mating bond. Eris could feel your nerves so he sent a wave of calm down the bond. You rest your hand on your chest giving him a shy smile

Once the adults were finished talking Eris came up to you, taking your hand and kissing your knuckles as he stared at you with those molten amber eyes

You have never been in a relationship before and you had dreamed of a mate since your mother told you about the concept when you were a little girl

“Would you accompany on a walk around the gardens little fox?” You nodded enthusiastically. Your mother cleared her throat giving you a look that said ‘use your words’. “Yes, I’d love to.” You curtsy. Eris offers you his arm and leads you outside

Eris wanted time with you before the mating ceremony to get to know you better instead of just watching you from afar at parties and balls

Stopping at a bench in the gardens Eris guides you to sit as he picks a rose for you. You tell him how you e been sheltered your whole life, you never were really allowed to hangout with your friends past curfew unless it was for court and if you were with a male one of your brothers had to be with you

It drove Eris wild to know that he was the first male you’d ever been alone with

Knowing that he would be the one to corrupt your innocence made his cock hard

Eris didn’t want to rush you of course. Everything he plans on doing needs time and he didn’t want to scare you off

So he took his time courting you properly. Eris takes you on dates, spends time with you when he’s free from work, you eat meals together

On one of your picnics Eris had packed your favorite snacks, on being strawberries. He didn’t think watching you eat the fruit would be so seductive

He watched as you wrapped your perfect pink lips around the berry. As you bit into it and sucked the juice from it Eris had to adjust himself so you wouldn’t spot his arousal. You could smell him and your cheeks flushed

“Did I do something wrong?” “No little fox, come here.” You shuffled toward him as he reached his arms out to pull you onto his lap. “Do you want another little fox?” You smiled and let out a small ‘uh-huh’. He grabs another strawberry from the basket and holds it up to your lips. You reach out to take it but he clicks his tongue at you. You look at him a little confused until he brings it to your mouth again. You relax against him as he feeds you

You also accidentally on purpose lick his fingers which does not help his situation

That afternoon Eris’s first lesson was focused on your lips. you two made out for what felt like hours. You never wanted to leave his embrace or his warm plush lips. From then on you would steal him away for kisses or make out with him in his office so no one would see you

You even moved into your own living quarters at the Forest House so you could be close to each other

One night you were reading in Eris’s living room while he worked late. You usually leave by 10 pm since you’ve never stayed the night with Eris or anyone. You fell asleep with your book on your chest, your even breathes catching Eris’s attention

He took your book, marking your spot. Eris kisses your forehead and your eyes flutter open. Realizing what happened you sit up a blush during your cheeks. “Sorry Eris, I’ll leave-“ Eris cut you off by holding your chin between his fingers.

“Hey, it’s ok. You can stay tonight if you want.” You played with the ends of your hair as you thought. “Yes please.” Eris smiled and picked you up bridal style carrying you to bed where you snuggled all night

One of the things Eris adores about you is your clueless demeanor and your curiosity about everything. When he teaches you things (😏) you get all blushy and try to hide from him

Eris does everything for you. He never wants you to have a need that isn’t met

There was a ball to celebrate your mating ceremony/wedding days before the actual party and you stayed attached to Eris the whole night

The one time he left you to get you a new drink you got hit on. You had no idea the male was flirting with you, you thought he was just being nice

Eris rushed back to your side pulling you into his side as he gave the male a death stare. A low growl sounding from his throat. The male couldn’t get away fast enough. “Eris he was just being nice.” He shook his head watching the male weave through the crowd. “No baby. And he needs to know your mine.”

After the wedding party you and Eris go to his cabin in the woods. You wanted to give him his food in private because he wants you all to himself. Plus it was what you were comfortable with

When he finishes his food Eris looks at you, his eyes blown wide with lust. He grips the table as you get closer to him until your on his lap

You run your hands through his hair and he takes in a shuddering breath. “Are you ready little fox? Are you sure you want to do this tonight?” “I wouldn’t have given you the food if I didn’t want to. And you’ve taught me enough my love.”

Eris quickly brought you to the bedroom placing you down gently in the middle. You pulled Eris by his hair to kiss you hard. Wrapping your legs around his waist you rubbed your core against his hardening cock. He moans out in surprise. Pulling away from you panting Eris looks at you with a feral grin. “Where did you learn that little fox?” You give him a shy smile, “My books were a little more than romance.”

Eris kissed you again mumbling ‘I love you’ as you started to make the mating bond official

[tiredofthehumanlife]

Honey, our boyfriend drowned!

Barbie dolls: jegulus x gn!reader

Word:5.1k

Summary: lemme set the scene: Regulus' car crashes into the lake on his drive to work most definitely killing him and then some mystique happens and I get too lazy to write actual plot but I add some sad and cute and JUST FUCKING READ IT ITS FUN AND NICE

Warnings: regulus dies (or does he mwhahaahha), lots.of talk of grief and death and blood and nasty and self hatred you and James are going through it, regulus with a cane and long hair, talks of the war but it's the tiniest mention, Barty has attachment issues, there is some cringe bc believe it or not Im cringey as a person so it just happens, regulus speaks Google translate French, James speaks Google translate Hindi, I had so much fun writing this.one and that's so stupid bc Its literally about death but it was a hoot, brotherly love, peter included SUCK MY DiCK OH MY GOD, oh James takes a picture OH and there's a cordless phone but I was personally thinking of the big clunky ones that sat on the wall you know, insinuations of the cave, Sirius says Jesus Christ in shock you say Gods no in shock yodabba dabba, everyone are friends I watched MLP okay everyone loves each other now, take a shot everytime I say warm, you cry, I quit

While you and James were in school, you started dating a boy named Regulus. He was beautiful and graceful. Your relationship continued outside the bounds of the school walls. Once you and James graduated you got a home and Regulus joined you both a year later when he graduated. Domestic life was wonderful for the three of you. And then Regulus died. 

It was hard to believe. How could your boyfriend disappear right out from under both of your noses? He left for work one day and didn’t come back. It was like the world paused after that. The walls wept with you both. The house seemed smaller and tighter because everywhere you looked were remnants of him. His books were on the shelf with his writing inside. His additions to the grocery list were still on the fridge. His fancy shoes for events sitting by the door. His winter coat is on the rack. You could still smell his cologne. Maybe that was because James would spray it on Regulus' pillow and clutch it to his chest while he slept. Your day together as a couple consisted of sitting on the couch in silence and staring ahead listening to the clock tick. 

His death put a strain on your relationship. You could barely take care of yourselves. How could you love another person when you could barely work up enough energy to cry? So you both floated around the house silently like you were the ones dead. You didn’t talk to James for weeks. 

Everyone around you seemed to take a hit from Regulus’ death. Evans and Barty became reclusive, you hadn’t heard from them in months.

Dorcas started bouncing around her friends’ homes, staying the night on a new person’s couch because she was scared to leave anyone alone. They’d slip from her grasp like Regulus did if she didn’t stay with them.

After a few weeks, Mary and Lily took on the role of caretaker. Bringing people dinners and shoving them into the shower so they’d bathe every once in and while.

Marlene tried to crack jokes with people, she was most definitely the kind of person to joke until her pain went away.

Pandora spent all her days sitting in a rocking chair in front of the window. You checked on her once and asked her how she was. She told you, without looking away from the window, ‘I had a premonition about this four years ago. It’s scarier in real life. I can’t just crawl into his bed and press my fingers to his pulse. I’m living in a nightmare.’ You sighed and patted her shoulder, leaving her with the wisest words you could muster: ‘Me too, Panda. Me too.’ 

Peter is in the nearest Library every day, reading all of Regulus’ favorites. He even came over a few times to borrow some of Regulus’ personal books.

Remus found a French cookbook and started making his way through it one recipe at a time as a way to get up and do something. He said he thought of Regulus with each dish and it made the pain recede like an ocean wave. 

Sirius took it the hardest, for obvious reasons. He laid on his couch all day, staring at the bookshelf next to the TV. Remus said he couldn’t convince Sirius to move to the bed. He’d only to get up to use the bathroom. Remus would have to sit next to the couch on the floor and feed him so he didn’t wither away. Remus eventually realized Sirius was staring at the picture of him and Regulus sitting on the shelf. After a long time, Sirius finally moved from the couch, instead taking his tears to his bed. You didn’t see Sirius for weeks. 

When Regulus’ funeral arrived it was obvious the impact he left. All 12 of you stared at the empty coffin as it settled into the ground. You didn’t even get the peace of knowing his body was resting in the coffin. They never found it. They found his car in the lake with a massive hole the size of his fancy car on the side of the bridge overhead. The police said his body probably drifted down the attached river into the woods. It was likely his body was scavenged by animals. It did nothing to settle your mind. 

Your lover drowned and then was torn apart by wild animals? Great, glad he’s resting peacefully. All of his things were in the car too. The book he was trying to finish during the month of the crash. His bag with his wallet and every other personal item you could think of. He even still had Pandora’s hair clip on the strap. His blood was on the seat and front windshield. Cops said it was impossible for him to have survived, especially with the amount of blood that was lost. He left for work, taking the route he always did, and died in the process. 

It took a long time but you all eventually healed from it. Of course, it still hurt when you were reminded of it but you slowly got back to your average life.

Sirius got off the couch. Dorcas slept in her own bed. Marlene finally cried. Lily and Mary started making food only for themselves. Remus put his cookbook on the shelf, next to the picture. Peter moved out of the libraries, finding new books. Barty and Evan even joined you and James on a double date once. Pandora moved away from the window. You and James stopped being zombies dancing around each other. You finally talked it through and cradled the other through the night, Regulus' pillow was shoved into the closet. 

You asked your friends for help to pack all of Regulus’ things into boxes. It was terribly hard to move on when his presence was still staring you in the eye. You told Sirius he could stay home but he still showed up. He helped you pack up Regulus’ clothes, taking back the band shirts Regulus stole from him. He even used one as a tissue when he cried about it.

With too many people in your house, you were all able to stuff Regulus into three separate boxes. Remus helped James move them into the attic. even though you wanted him hidden away in boxes didn’t mean you wanted to sell his presence away. You hugged everyone goodbye. It was a sour goodbye, the memory of Regulus’ loss fresh on their minds but happy they got to see all their friends again. 

You, along with all the others, had your good and bad days. You’d say an inside joke Regulus came up with and spend the rest of the day crying next to the window. Some days you’d blossom and be like you were years ago. As time went by your bad days became more and more far apart. You and James’ relationship was going strong, you felt like you were in school again. In a positive way. 

After a long brunch with Remus and Sirius full of laughs, you and James went home and relaxed. James left to go take a nap and you started reading by the window facing out towards the road that led to your doorstep. After you got through four chapters, James was rising from his nap and kissing you good morning. Though it was really more of a late afternoon, you didn’t correct him. He left to go make himself a snack, still in his pajamas. You continued reading.

As you heard the timer go off for James’ food you glanced up to see if he was getting it. You saw him through the opening, reaching over for the pot on the oven. You moved to look back at your book, pausing when you saw someone on the sidewalk. You were an avid enjoyer of people-watching. 

It was a man who left your boots feeling shaken. His hair was longer, reaching down to kiss his back between his shoulder blades. He walked with a limp. He was classily dressed. At the top of his cane was a bird skull. He was dressed in all black and had various silver jewelry hanging from his body. His hair was falling into his face as he stared at the ground. You glanced down at the ground to see his shoes, finding they were just as fancy and put together as he was. You looked back up at his hair, trying to see if you could figure out how he maintained it so perfectly.

As you dragged your eyes up, he shook his head back. His hair flew back revealing his scarred face. There was a scar parting his eyebrow and making a trail across his cheek to his ear. You saw one peeking out from the bottom of his jaw and dipping under his high-collared shirt. 

Even with all the changes you recognized him. You sprung out of your chair, flinging your book back towards the coffee table. You heard it clatter to the floor. 

“James! Call Sirius!” You yelled as you scattered towards the front door, knocking over items on your way. 

“What? Why?” James asked from the kitchen opening. You spun your head back towards him. You probably looked like a frazzled crazy person. You felt like a frazzled crazy person. You were either hallucinating or really watching your dead lover walk down the street. 

“Call Sirius, James.” You said, your tone nipping at his hand and making him turn around for the phone hanging in the kitchen. You flung open the front door, ignoring your shoes and the fact the door smacked against the wall.

You weren’t entirely sure Regulus, or at least what you thought was Regulus, wouldn’t run away if he saw you coming. You ran down the concrete steps and your driveway. You ignored the fire the rough ground started on the bottoms of your feet. James stood on front doorstep with the phone pressed to his ear. You caught snippets of his words as you moved to the end of the driveway, staring down the sidewalk. 

“I don’t know.” Your chest heaved as your mind caught up with what you were looking at. “Just said to call you.” You stared at the man in black walking down the center of the sidewalk. “Bein’ weird.” You saw the man stop his walking as you stood in his way. 

“Regulus?” You yelled. The man stood still. You took a step towards him. James had settled silent. “Regulus? Baby, is that you?” You yelled down the sidewalk. He was standing on the sidewalk in front of your neighbor's house, still staring at the ground. Hr pulled his head up, facing you. Even from a far distance, you could recognize him.

Your body started running before your brain could even tell you to. Regulus picked up his pace, a nice brisk walk. You doubted he could go much faster with his apparent hurt leg but you didn’t care. Your undead lover was on your sidewalk. You picked up your pace, letting your lungs burn. Your heart was burning more, the pain from knowing you’d never see Regulus mixing with the hope that he was really walking down your sidewalk. 

“Holy shit.” You heard James say from the first doorstep. “Listen uh, Sirius, I’m going to have to call you back. I think we might be hallucinating right now.” James said. You heard the quiet clatter of the phone on the table next to the front door. You and Regulus stopped with barely two feet between you too. Your chest heaved. You thought your ribs might explode.

Regulus was beautiful even with the scars and obvious dark experiences lingering behind his eyes. You couldn’t imagine what happened in the past year and a half but he was still Regulus after all this time. You felt like you shouldn’t cry because he might feel guilty and leave again. You closed the gap between you two, wrapping your arms around him. Regulus sighed with his chin pulled over your shoulder. You heard his cane drop to the sidewalk, his weight leaning into yours. 

You gripped the onto the back of his shirt, crying into his shoulder. Regulus held onto you just as hard. You felt James’ arms join yours, holding onto Regulus. After a few moments of Regulus finally feeling at home and you and James realizing you did all that crying for nothing, you all pulled back. Regulus wobbled a second, before leaning on his other side. James quickly dipped down and held Regulus’ cane out to him. Regulus thanked him, leaning his weight back on the cane. 

“You’re alive.” You said, sticking your hands your hands out at Regulus. He gave you a one-shouldered shrug. 

“There’s a lot I need to tell you,” Regulus muttered, glancing down at the cane. You shook your head, reaching out for him again. You let your hands cup his face. 

“Oh let me look at you.” You traced the scars on his face. You tugged lightly on the ends of his hair. You let your hands dip down, tracing over the necklaces. You looked down at the metal skull buckle on his belt, grinning at his fancy shoes again. Even after all the changes, he was still in his stupid shoes. 

“You’re so beautiful, my love. I can’t believe you’re alive.” You said, cupping his face again. Regulus hummed and tilted his face into your hand. You pulled back and let James pull Regulus into his arms. James cradled Regulus’ head to his chest just as he used to when Regulus got bad nightmares. Regulus let out a gasping sob, digging his nails into James’ forearm. James closed his eyes and pressed his nose to Regulus’ hair. 

  A few minutes later Regulus was sat at the table with his favorite tea hugged between his hands. You watched him from across the table, tracking his every move. It was weird looking at him. Aside from the fact you thought he was dead, it was a stark change.

You got to watch James slowly change parts of himself over the year. The wrinkles near his eyes got more prominent, he cut his hair, and he got new shoes, etcetera. You went from seeing Regulus with hair shorter than his chin to watching him flick it over his shoulder. You saw him with the clear and pristine skin he took pride in the scarred look he was sporting now. Regulus pursed his lips and blew on the hot tea in his hands before flicking his eyes up to you. You didn’t shy away from the fact you were staring at him. James wandered into the dining room his phone pressed to his ear. 

“No Sirius, I’m being ser-I’m being for real. You need to get over here now, you’re not going to believe this.” James said, leaning on the doorframe and staring at Regulus. Regulus stuck his hand out at James, wiggling his fingers. James raised an eyebrow ‘You sure?’. Regulus shook his hand, ‘yes.’. James handed the phone to Regulus. Regulus pressed the phone to his ear. He cleared his throat. 

“That coffin was uncomfortable, dickhead.” Regulus said before pulling the phone away from his ear and hanging it up. He set it on the table and took a slow sip from his tea. 

“I think you just gave him a heart attack,” James said. You hummed, staring down at the phone. 

“Yeah I’m not sure if that was the best action but it was a very Regulus thing for you to do so at least some things haven’t changed. “ You said, handing the phone off to James. Regulus closed his eyes as he pulled his tea away from his lips. 

Minutes later Sirius was bursting through your door with Remus tailing fast behind him. Sirius peered into each room, making haste to search the house. Regulus set his tea down. Sirius stood in the dining room doorway, frozen in place. Regulus stood from his chair, leaning on his cane and sighing as he did so. He tilted his head to the side, making a small spin to show off his new look. 

“Jesus Christ,” Sirius muttered. 

“that’s who he looks like, I was trying to place it,”  you said, sighing and smacking James’ bicep. Regulus faces Sirius again, holding his arm out. Sirius closed the space, pulling Regulus into a hug. They rocked side to side. You thought of shooing everyone out but you also wanted to watch Sirius’ reaction. Sirius pulled back and smacked Regulus on the crown of his head. Regulus glared at him, obviously, it wasn’t hard. 

“Don’t you ever do that again you dick,” Sirius said, before cupping Regulus’ face. He grimaced and shook his head. 

“You look like me in fourth year,” Sirius whispered, running his hand through the length of Regulus’ hair. Regulus hummed. 

“I thought so too. I missed home, so I grew it out. I plan on trimming it soon though, not really me.” Regulus whispered. Sirius hummed and traced the scar down Regulus’ eyebrow with his thumb. 

“What’d you do?” Sirius asked. 

“I ended a war before it started, the usual break year plans. I almost drowned and fought off some weird gremlin things. It’s a story.” Regulus said, waving off Sirius’ look of concern. “I’m fine now, other than the trauma I hold with water. But I managed to figure it out. I just take showers weird now.” Regulus added, once again downplaying the severity. 

“Well, your funeral was a waste of time,” Sirius said, turning back around to stand next to Remus. Regulus shrugged. 

“Did you guys cry?” You, James, Remus, and Sirius shared looks. You all shrugged. 

“Eh, not really.” 

“I mean what even classifies as crying these days, you know.” 

"So much I got dehydrated"

“After the first couple of days, it was a breeze.” Regulus rolled his eyes and pulled his tea off the table. 

“So did you guys sell all my shit?” He whispered into his cup. You and James quickly shook your heads. 

“Oh gods, no. It’s all in the attic.” You said, pointing at the ceiling above you. James and Remus left for the attic as you and Sirius chased after Regulus. Regulus took his tea from the dining room to the living room, setting it on the coffee table. You and Sirius stared at him as he settled onto the couch. Regulus propped his cane against the side table, taking a sip from his tea. Regulus lifted an eyebrow at the floor. He leaned over and held your book up. 

“Thought I taught you better than to throw books,” Regulus said, setting the book on the coffee table. You crossed your arms over your chest. You scoffed. 

“I was a little more focused on my undead lover walking into my garden.” You said. Regulus shrugged and gently set the book down on the coffee table. Regulus kicked his foot up, resting his ankle on his knee. James and Remus joined you with all three boxes. They were all labeled with a different form of his name, three different handwritings. Evan wrote R.A.B. in his swirly handwriting. Sirius had written Regulus in his pristine handwriting. You scribbled down Reggie on the top with an almost empty Sharpie. It looked like you didn’t care but you couldn’t bear to look at the boxes any more than you had to. 

Regulus leaned forward, tearing open the nearest box. He started rummaging through it and you wished Evan was here. You couldn’t fold things as perfectly as he could. Regulus pulled out his favorite stuffed animal, setting it on the couch next to him. He closed the box, reaching for the next one. He tore it open just as fast. He pulled out his favorite blanket and book. Regulus threw the blanket next to his stuffed animal. He set the book on the coffee table and as you watched him close up the box again, you sucked in a shaky breath. Regulus lifted his head, looking at you. You turned into James’ arms. James tightened his hold. You hated to get James’ shirt dirty but watching Regulue tear through the boxes you were sure you’d never touch again made your throat close up. 

“Sorry did I do something?” You heard Rehgulus’ voice behind you. James’ hand ran up and down your back. You felt SIrius’ hand land on your shoulder. 

“No, we’re just processing, I think. Lots of changes today.” James said, rocking you back and forth. Sirius took on the role of changing the subject so you still had a little bit of dignity. 

“We need to call the others. I mean this is a big change we’ll have to get every-“ Regulus cut off Sirius. 

“Listen, I know okay. I know, but I haven’t felt at home in over a year. I just want to spend today here. Tomorrow I will tell everyone of my resurrection but right now I just want a nap. You and Remus can stay if you want, I really don’t care. As long as I get a nap on the couch, I’m okay. I will gather everyone tomorrow but today is just..” Regulus sighed, a visible weight lifting from his shoulders. “Just for me. Is that okay?” Regulus asked. Sirius stayed silent a moment. He glanced around the living room. He shrugged, looking back at Regulus. 

“Yeah, that’s okay.” Regulus slipped his shoes off, setting them next to his cane, and laid across the couch. You pulled back from James, wiping at your eyes. You headed off for the bedroom, tearing open the closet. You pulled down Regulus’ pillow and brought it back to the living room. Regulus gave you a soft smile and gently took the pillow from your hands. He set it down before quickly sandwiching your hands between his. He was warm, not cold like a dead body. Maybe he was real. Regulus stared up at you. 

“I learned how to cook traditional French dishes,” Remus said, picking at one of the boxes. Regulus hummed. He was on the brink of sleep but still wanted Remus to feel heard. “You should come over for dinner some night.” Regulus nodded against his pillow. Remus left after SIrius and not long after you heard SIrius’ motorcycle fade away. You imagined Remus’ long legs cramped behind Sirius on the back of his bike and snorted. 

“I love you, you know that? Every day I wasn’t here I worried for you. I missed you so much I’d feel sick. I’m sorry I left like that.” Regulus said. Your eyebrows pinched and you sank your teeth into your bottom lip, trying your hardest to not cry again. You nodded. Regulus hummed and pressed your palm to his lips. You sighed and rubbed his cheek lightly. He dropped your hands and laid back on the couch, now with his pillow propped behind his head.

Regulus turned onto his side, clutching his stuffed animal to his chest. He pulled his blanket up to his nose. Sirius stood next to Regulus, brushing hair out of his face and gently rubbing his cheek before roughly smacking him and messing up his hair again. Regulus groaned and swatted his hands away. Sirius pulled back and slipped out the front door. 

“Mon Soleil?” Regulus whispered into his blanket. You glanced at James, watching his water line fill. 

“छोटा राजा?”  James whispered, his voice fragile. You looked back to Regulus. His eyes were still closed. 

When James heard Regulus’ snores next to his ear he slid the bookmark into their place and set it on the coffee table. James leaned his head back, resting it on the couch armrest. You sighed, watching Regulus sleep peacefully. 

“Read to me?” Regulus asked. James nodded and grabbed the book Regulus pulled from the box off the coffee table. James sat on the floor next to where Regulus head was on the couch. He opened the book to the page they left off last time, and you felt like James might cry. He started reading and as he went on you started to wish Regulus had given you a task too. You were just standing there watching them. You quietly joined James on the floor. You sat a foot and a half away from James. He paused his sentence for a second to look up at you and give you a soft smile. You returned it and slipped a hand under Regulus’ blanket. It probably smelled like the attic but Regulus didn’t seem to care, snoozing away. You rested your hand on his hip, lightly rubbing it before getting your hand to sit. You wished to hold his hand but one was clutching his stuffed animal and the other was pressing his blanket to his face. 

“I don’t think we’ll be getting much sleep tonight.” You whispered, not wanting to wake up Regulus. James turned his head to face you. He reached over and held onto your other hand, kissing the back. He nodded and looked over towards the wall. 

“I feel like we shouldn’t go to sleep because when we wake up, the boxes will be back in the attic. Sirius will be back on the couch and we’ll be sitting on the bed sobbing together.”James whispered. You humed. You slipped your thumb under the edge of Regulus’ shirt, pressing your finger into his warm skin. 

“He won’t be warm anymore.” You muttered, eyes still caught on Regulus. James’ thumb rubbed against the back of your hand. You wondered if he was testing to see if you were warm still. 

“We’ll visit his grave on Wednesday together and wonder if those wild animals were well fed. If it was all worth it. Stare down at the dirt and know six feet under is an empty wooden box with nothing but a copy of Regulus’ favorite poetry book inside.” James’ voice wobbled and you gripped his hand tighter. 

“I thought every day that I would wake up and it’d all be a nightmare. I was just dreaming. All those crime shows got to me and my brain inserted me into an episode while I was sleeping. Every morning I’d wake up to find out we were still planning his funeral. I thought I was dead for a while. Thought this was my punishment for not recycling enough or something.” You said, pressing your thumb further into Regulus’ skin. Not to hurt him, but you needed to feel his pulse. 

“I can’t go back there,” James whispered. 

“Then maybe we go to sleep tonight. Maybe we’ll wake up and he’ll be in bed with us.” You said giving the side of James' face a sour smile. 

“Then we start again. We heal again.” James gave you a sad look and stared ahead again. You decided to lighten the mood a little. “And we had a freaky joint dream.” James snorted. He sniffed and stared down at his lap. He kissed the back of your hand again. You focused on Regulus’ skin under your finger. Still warm. 

“And if we wake up to find ourselves right back where we started? What then?” James asked, turning his head to face you. You paused for a moment and let his words stir in your head. You thought about getting thrown right back into that dark and messy place.

You didn’t take showers unless Mary forced you and you hated yourself for everything you did. Why didn’t you stop Regulus and tell him to stay home that day? Why didn’t you drive him to work yourself? Why didn’t you deviate from your routine, anything to save Regulus’ life? And when you got over what ifs that could’ve stopped this all from happening, then you hated yourself for not helping James more. Why couldn’t you take care of him? His parents called every day and he could barely pull himself out of bed to answer the phone. You couldn’t look away from the floor to pick the phone up. You picked apart yourself with sharp nails and then let your pieces rot into something awful that barely resembled yourself anymore. All in the name of grief. 

“So sorry to break up such a sweet moment, however I am trying to sleep. So if you two could shut up: that’d be preferable. “ You heard Regulus say. James turned his head back, glancing at Regulus. He looked back at you. 

“Seems pretty real to me.” You whispered. 

Regulus stayed true to his word, calling every one of your friends to your home. When he joined them in the living room there were screams and cries and most definitely noise complaints from the neighbors. Barty fell to his knees, taking Regulus down with him, and sobbed into his hair. He was an ugly crier too, saliva connecting his two lips when he opened his mouth in a silent cry.

Dorcas and Evan were quick to join them on the floor, wrapping Regulus up in a sea of arms. Probably the first body of water he felt comfortable in a while.

Eventually, Regulus made it to his feet, giving everyone their own hug. Peter told him he had books he found that Regulus would enjoy. Mary smacked him on the back of the head and told him to brighten the fuck up before dragging him into a tight hug. Lily told him she had a new bread recipe she’d been meaning to try. Marlene cracked a stupid joke through her tears and lightly punched Regulus in the arm. Regulus made it to Pandora and she pulled him to her chest, squeezing him as tight as she could. 

“I didn’t see this.” She whispered in his hair. Regulus gripped her back just as tight.

You all had a warm dinner made by Remus and Lily. Regulus and Sirius share a nostalgic look after the first bite. You didn’t have a big enough table so you all crowded into the living room, gathering around the rug. Regulus earned a spot on the couch. Barty was at his feet, arms wrapped around Regulus’ leg.

James shot up halfway through dinner, dashing across the house. He came back with his camera. He took one shot of everyone in the living room before turning the camera around and squeezing himself into frame too. He labeled them both ‘Regulus’ first family dinner back’ on the backs. He added the date and set the camera and photos on the kitchen counter deciding to deal with them later.

On his way back into the living room, he kissed you before pecking Regulus on the cheek. As he settled back into his seat on the floor, the group broke into ruckus laughter from a joke Sirius made. Sirius beamed and your and James’ eyes shot for Regulus. You found him snorting out his tea through his nose. His pain, disgust, and laughter all conjoined and you knew when you woke up tomorrow, he’d once again be in your bed. Warm. 

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

hawthorne brothers in bed head canons

@s-rosie requested javery ones but it disappeared so im just tagging you T-T. ok so i decided to combine two posts so i wouldn't have to do this twice. i sort of promised i'd do hawthorne brothers and then i got this request so this is both of them. @catapparently and @never-enough-novels helped with this a bit. i apologize if this sucks, i felt kinda awkward making this (and you can clearly see that bc of the way i wrote things but i also had fun). also, there are more averyjameson ones cause i love them and find it easier to write for them. some of these are also less dirty than others (i also apologize if yall wanted something dirtier). hope you like them <3. tags: @lanterns-and-daydreams

jameson and avery:

i saw someone make a post about this but jameson is totally into being handcuffed to the bed (or wherever they're doing it).

they both have praise kinks (i think this is obvious) (especially jamie)

avery always wears clothes that are either easy to take off or give easy access if you know what i mean (cause there's always a chance they might do it in a random bathroom somewhere and she wants to be prepared).

jameson is really into dry humping (with avery of course)

they're both switches (they're not doms or subs, they're a mix of both sort of for those who don't know what a switch is)

jamie will literally always eat her out before they actually fuck bc he's terrified of hurting her and wants to make sure she's wet enough.

they love doing it from behind (doggy style, spooning, etc) but jamie also loves anything that allows him to look at her face cause he loves seeing her when she comes (and just looking at her in general cause he loves her).

oh and jamie loves seeing her ride him. he can't help but think his gf is the hottest girl in the world.

jamie honestly doesn't care if he comes. all he cares about is avery's pleasure.

a lot of hickeys in places where people can't see. that's all i have to say

jamie put candles and flower petals everywhere for their first time. they both cried.

jamie loves dirty talking bc it always makes avery blush.

sometimes they'll be watching a movie with avery sitting with her back to his chest, and he'll put his hand in her pants and start pleasuring her.

i mentioned in another post that avery sometimes becomes insecure about her looks (its pretty much canon bc she hints towards it in the books), jamie will catch her watching herself in the mirror clearly judging herself, and he'll pop up behind her and start fucking her in front of the mirror (with her consent of course) whilst whispering in her ear that she's beautiful and stuff

he talks her through it. whispers sweet nothings in her ear and all. (also he's a consent king as he should be. he's always making sure she's ok)

jamie is a very big boobs guy. im calling it. it doesn't matter if they're small or big, he loves them.

he's a really big fan of putting his hand on her thigh. when he's driving, at an event, etc he'll put his hand on her thigh and just leave it there (and sometimes it leads to more)

grayson (and hypothetical love interest cause i don't like writing about a character we know nothing about *cough* lyra *cough*)

he's a very plain guy. his favorite position is missionary.

he's a sub and has a praise kink. he'll never admit it but he loves having his gf have her way with him.

his gf uses his suit ties to tie him to the bed (or he blindfolds her with them sometimes)

definitely not rough, like ever. he's a very sweet lover and will constantly ask his gf if she's ok or if she wants to stop.

one of the reasons why his gf ties him to the bed sometimes is that he's such a people pleaser that he'll stop his lover from making him feel good because he feels guilty that he's not the one doing it to his lover if he isn't tied up.

very loud in bed. sometimes people will hear from the other side of his room and scurry away.

gray and his gf have fucked in the pool before (lets just imagine its his pool and no one else goes in there cause umm... yk). he either sits on the stairs and lets her ride him or they do it standing.

he has an obsession with thighs. loves being smothered by them and always has his face between his gf's, pleasuring her.

he's a very big fan of neck kisses (receiving and giving). he isn't a big fan of hickeys though.

a lot of lazy sex bc he's usually really tired from working all day but still wants to ravish his gf.

nash and libby:

nash most definitely calls her good girl and stuff like that

very big fan of face sitting. if has to choose a way to die, it would be being smothered to death by libby's pussy.

will not let libby close her eyes when she comes. he wants to be able to see her when she does.

they have done it in the kitchen before bc libby basically lives there at this point (so, countertop sex).

his favorite position (idk what its called) is missionary but he folds libby's legs so they touch her chest (maybe this is just a variation of missionary idk T-T).

libby puts on nash's cowboy hat whenever she rides him (i think other people have made posts about this).

nash is very big on aftercare. they always cuddle after, he cleans her up, etc

libby most definitely has a praise kink. i think it's quite obvious

i honestly think they're both switches cause i can see both of them being tops and bottoms.

he's very big on foreplay. he is not into quickies. if he's having sex with libby, he will be taking his time making her feel good and stuff.

max and xander (i honestly don't really know for them):

they most definitely have like cringy sex but as a joke (like they'll call each other my kitten or my prince or smth like that and then just laugh)

they have tried every single position in existence for experimental purposes but at the same time are very innocent (it took them years to get through all of them). idk how this makes sense but its max and xander so nothing makes sense. (idk what their fav position would be though T-T)

max really likes being on top bc she feels powerful, and xander lets her bc he loves his gf and women in power

they usually do it in his lab because he's always in there (so a lot of countertop sex). they do it there so often that he bought a couch so to put in there so that they could be more comfy.

xander takes his time to learn all of the things that make max moan harder or arch her back. he's a very attentive lover and notices everything.

max is really big on consent. their first times consisted of max stopping every one second to ask him if he was ok (xander would to but bc of what happened to her with her ex (the nudes) i think that she's really big on consent, more than xander).

i hc that max is really short, meaning that xander constantly has to bend down or pick her up in order to kiss her (bc he's canonically 6'3), and that also means that some positions don't work for them bc one is max too short or xander is too tall.

after they're done, he kisses her from her hand up to her shoulder, and mouth, and, then, he'll look at her with a big smile. its like this ritual he has and he always does it.

they're very into dirty talk because they both read smut on ao3 (ive mentioned this in other posts). xander can read dirty talk (and smut in general) with a straight face, but, if max is the one doing it, he becomes a blushing stuttering mess. max takes advantage of this in bed when she wants to be on top. she'll whisper something in his ear which catches him off guard, and then she flips them over and takes the lead.

max is a very big fan on lingerie. it makes her look sexy and xander finds her hot so its a win win.

i really apologize if this sucks. for some i didn't have as many ideas and then sometimes i got a little awkward (but i mostly laughed a lot making this post).