#it was mostly trying to do things like understand natural language sequences

[femme-objet]

technically when i was doing research i was part of the AI lab and im kinda glad that i learned abt machine learning from that front as opposed to from current hysteria

[pink-november]

Smitten/MOC

||. General

3. 5. and 10

|||. Love

2. and 11.

(You can choose to answer as many as you'd like, dw.)

ask game here

ahsbhdbhsjtjtn my best girl and my best boi together

II. GENERAL

What was their first kiss like?

Kissing Clarity can go two ways: Smitten can go vanilla and press his lips on her mask and call it a day. But fortunately for all us, Smitten is a certified princess-sexual freak and he would totally kiss whatever MOC has behind that mask.

On a more serious note, I do think their first kiss is one that is filled with an urgent and ugly kind of desperation. You could say it mirrors how Smitten came to be in Razor but sadder and far more painful. Perhaps as an attempt to try and escape the numerous times she breaks TLQ, an attempt to reconcile and know her heart was done. But it was all for naught of course, for all it did was create another shattered fragment, one that is full of heartbreak that bleeds and tears itself apart trying to make sense why his love never reached the Princess and set them free. Perhaps Smitten's nature as blind devotion wasn't enough to fully understand her and this breaks him further. If his love is lacking, then what else is he supposed to be?

What is their height difference? Age difference? Do either matter to them?

Clarity is definitely taller than Smitten, even if she's not floating around. I like to think MOC drapes herself all over Smitten as her way of showing affection or her power over him. Maybe place him on her lap for Clarity to pet. But their height or age don't really matter to them as both are still just pieces of their respective gods.

What are their parallels, whether in their personalities or their histories?

Both are persistent and unyielding. Clarity continued to break TLQ again and again for however long the entire sequence from Nightmare to MOC was, showing how much she's willing to do anything and how patient she is just to get what she wants. Smitten is loyal and known for his devotion to the Princess throughout the game, not allowing any negative opinions of her affect him in the slightest even to his own detriment. Both came to be through painful means, Smitten by getting stabbed repeatedly in the chest or betrayed by Witch in an attempt to break the narrative and MOC by being abandoned and denied the chance to be known to the only other creature that can possibly know her.

Their love is a double-edged sword, it will always hurt them and the people they care about.

III. LOVE

What are their primary love languages?

Smitten's is very keen on physical touch. Good thing MOC no longer stops the entire autonomic system when touching her now, right? Ah, but there will still be lingering static that raises Smitten's feathers when they hold hands, a literal shock going through him that makes his heart literally skip a beat when he attempts to hug her. He would always be near her, whether to assure her that he's still there for her or because a literal magnetic force pulls him to her.

I kinda see Clarity giving Smitten gifts and other stuff, mostly inspired by her dialogue of the gilded cage in game. But she likes to encourage and praise Smitten more often than giving him gifts, acknowledging his love and devotion to her and doing her best to return the favor by showering him with so much loving words.

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

Clarity likes to call Smitten as "her little honeysuckle" and Smitten cannot settle for one nickname to call her because for him, she deserves all the wonderful and lovely nicknames all languages could offer!

[xiyao-feels]

Finally got around to writing down some thoughts on the differences between Empathy and the original—per scene and then a general reflection.

Episode 10

(episode 10 differences)

Going through this chronologically, our first comparison is the captain encounter. Honestly I think NMJ was straight-up inventing most of this—even aside from the sheer absurdity of MY, what, smuggling XY out of prison, bringing him into the middle of everything (he runs into the Captain and friend AND WWX!), XY…just going back into prison…well, anyway, putting all that aside—the Captain's questions here seem like NMJ's preoccupations, not the Captain's. The Captain is hugely contemptuous of MY, but he's not, like, obsessed with his innermost heart, you know? "You're lying! I just saw that. You were talking. Tell me honestly. What's your ulterior motive?"—that's NMJ, not the Captain at all. Plus there's the way the Captain grabs MY basically the exact same way NMJ does. 

Next up there's MY telling NHS he's going to go check on XY—minor phrasing differences aside, one thing that's interesting is we don't get all of MY's reaction/decision before he tells NHS in Empathy, just the tail end:

Ahhhh, now, the bit where NMJ sees MY stab the captain! You can see here the beginning of a pattern of Empathy erasing the Wen. MY throwing himself in front of the blade to save NMJ is removed, of course, but so is NMJ fighting WZL, as he was before going to the prison in episode 10; in the Empathy he's just kind of standing there. And then sees MY, uh, creepily pick up a sword??? And follows him??? Instead of hearing that XY's escaped and running to the prison because of that, which is of course what happened in episode 10. (So XY is erased some in this scene, too; even when it comes to MY's excuses, he says It wasn't me, but we don't get to 'Xue Yang killed him', as we do in the original.)

Some other points of interest here… Of course the expression NMJ sees on MY as MY kills the captain is only shown in Empathy. Interestingly, also, while MY is quite clearly terrified at NMJ's approach in both, in episode 10 it's presented immediately, while in the Empathy he has a beat before he starts reacting that way.

The last scene—NMJ confronting MY and kicking him out of Qinghe. In the Empathy, we start with MY having been thrown onto the floor, rolling—but this isn't there in episode 10, and to be honest I think it probably didn't actually happen. First, while I can see NMJ throwing MY onto the floor, I don't actually think he'd throw him quite that hard at this point in time? And it's also got a lot of visual echoes of JGY rolling down the stairs; I think he's projecting backwards. Of course, it still takes MY longer to recover in episode 10; Empathy consistently minimizes the physical harm done to MY.

So the conversation is interesting because it's really just two different conversations in the Empathy vs episode 10. In episode 10, MY leads with the Captain's abuse of him, and he's clear that it's habitual, ongoing, long-term. In Empathy, he leads with the Captain releasing XY, /adds in/ that the Captain wanted to kill him (that's not there in episode 10!), and absolutely skips over and minimizes the abuse: the beatings aren't mentioned, the credit-stealing isn't mentioned, the insulting and humiliating… even the 'Every time' is removed from before the 'he humiliated my mother', making it seem like this was a one-off provocation instead of habitual. NMJ's somewhat unhinged rant about MY's motives, including the would you have killed everyone at the cave if I hadn't helped you, is also Empathy-only (and then when MY starts to reply NMJ is like, Don't lie to me! and MY shuts up, suggesting perhaps that a denial would have been lying, which may be part of why people think this is a remotely reasonable assertion).

Some other interesting things—in episode 10, we see NMJ lift his sabre and then lower it, unable to go through with it; in Empathy, we don't see that at all—in general I think there's less of a sense that he's struggling with his decision, in Empathy, it's more just like He Is Doing The Righteous Justice. Fascinatingly we also don't see him put Baxia away in Empathy—I think he must because we see a scene where he already had, in episode 10, but we don't actually see it. We also don't see MY, injured, get up and thank NMJ and walk out, or indeed NMJ's conflicted gaze after him; the scene cuts off too soon.

Episode 22

(episode 22 differences)

There's only one scene for episode 22: the WRH, NMJ, and MY scene, inside Sun Palace. Right off the bat, we have the Wen erasure again; the episode 22 scene starts with WRH directly addressing NMJ and tormenting him and his Nie cultivators, whereas the Empathy one only starts when MY walks in. (Although interestingly MY addresses WRH as xiandu, while he doesn't seem to say anything with his bow in episode 22).

This one is an interesting scene because there's relatively little overlap? In the episode 10 scenes, you mostly saw different versions of the same events; in this one there's some of that, but there are also large chunks of time that are only in episode 22 or only in Empathy. Most of the MY-interacting-with-NMJ is only in Empathy, including, yes, the damn sabre touch. But we do have the beginning of MY talking to NMJ in both. MY's expression is different in Episode 22 vs Empathy—it's a little hard to capture in a still, but it's a lot more, mmm, simpering-mockery in the Empathy version?

Ah, one detail that's interesting—so, in CQL—which is to say in Empathy because we don't see this sequence at all in Episode 22—when that Nie cultivator calls the place 'a den of Wen' he uses 温/温氏, for Wen, and then when people are insulting MY in this scene they're using 走狗. But in MDZS all of those are actually 温狗, Wen-dog. Which is definitely more directly disrespectful to WRH than the 走狗 insults, but I feel like in general CQL doesn't use 温狗 a lot, while in MDZS it's all over the place—so while it's an interesting detail I'm not sure it's suggestive for Empathy in particular. Hmmm.

We return to things being shown in both Empathy and Episode 22 with NMJ shoving MY back. In Empathy, we only see MY stagger a little, while in episode 22 it's quite considerable—again, Empathy's tendency to minimize the physical damage MY suffers.

And then MY kicks NMJ in return! Okay this is actually fascinating, because in Empathy, it looks like this totally wipes NMJ out, and the scene stops here. But that isn't at all what happened! He's knocked onto his back, yes, BUT he recovers and comes up and shoves MY hard enough he goes flying: 

He gets up and goes to attack MY, and would probably have killed him if WRH hadn't interfered. Which, don't get me wrong, is entirely reasonable of him given his understanding of the situation but it is not at all the impression you'd get from Empathy. If anything NMJ's collapse in the Empathy after MY kicks him looks like the collapse he has after WRH finishes with him, in episode 22. And MY saying How dare you be so rude in front of Clan Leader Wen when he kicks NMJ is also removed—the whole sequence here is really another example of the removal of the Wen from the Empathy scenes. 

Incidentally, MY didn't actually kill all the Nie cultivators, in this scene. If you look while MY is flying back, at least one of them is still alive:

And then you can see all four are dead while NMJ's attacking WRH:

But MY has been on the floor recovering from NMJ's attack, so he definitely didn't kill the at least one and quite probably two who are still alive.

WRH asks MY if NMJ killed Wen Xu question; you have MY staying quite noticeably silent, which I think is still meant to be understood as MY saving NMJ's life. I guess they changed it because the MDZS version really doesn't work with the flow of events as happens in CQL? For the record, in MDZS MY answers yes, but then immediately suggests that they torture him instead of killing him immediately, and then once WRH isn't set on killing him immediately, kills WRH on the spot and starts lugging NMJ's unconscious body out of there. So there's no WWX for distraction, and Sunshot's army definitely isn't right outside, there's only LXC he sent a message to and who hasn't quite shown up yet—so in MDZS he's taking a bigger risk, and more unambiguously saving NMJ's life and winning them the war. Which is not, to be clear, to in any way minimize CQL MY's astonishing bravery and achievements.

Episode 23

(episode 23 differences)

So in both we start with LXC holding NMJ and looking down at him. In episode 23, when NMJ sees MY, we see LXC see and notice his reaction and /then/ look over at MY in concern, whereas in Empathy we don't get that moment—it just goes to both of them looking at MY.

NMJ demands his sabre back, and in both MY complies, though in the Empathy one he takes a beat longer and looks more worried about it. In the original, MY also has "Let me explain" which is dropped from the Empathy.

In both we have NMJ attacking MY with Baxia, and trying to get past Shuoyue—in the Empathy it's a bit shorter, though, and we also lose LXC asking NMJ what he's doing this for. I think that goes with cutting LXC seeing NMJ react before he looks over at MY, above; the effect is to make NMJ's response seem more obvious/natural, when in fact LXC is pretty baffled by it at the time.

"he became the Wen's underling and had been helping the tyrant at Nevernight!"—the language on 'became the Wen's underling' is actually different in episode 23 vs Empathy. In episode 23, you have 原来投靠了温氏; in Empathy, though, it's 原来是做了走狗. Note the 走狗 as earlier!

Okay, and now the big one: LXC giving NMJ reasons they should trust MY/not kill him. Empathy cuts most of this. It keeps that MY is the one who sent the map, but it drops: that the reason LXC is here today is because MY sent him a message; that MY was the one who schemed to get WRH's guard down, and then /killed him/; that MY was the one who saved LXC's life after CR burned; and that MY independently approached WRH to spy on him and has been sending LXC letters the whole time. /That's really not trivial. That's a lot to cut./

I wonder if this has any relation to the common idea that LXC did not in fact have a lot of very good reasons to trust JGY.

(Incidentally it's after the MY killed WRH reveal, in episode 23, that NMJ lowers his blade.)

...also. so. In episode 23 LXC asks MY, you know, didn't he already tell NMJ about all this (a question which makes a lot more sense in MDZS, where NMJ has already woken up before LXC joins them, but I just run with it), and MY says, you saw it ZWJ, even if I had he wouldn't have believed me. And NMJ—again it's kind of hard to capture in a still, but he pretty much reacts like he thinks that's ridiculous and MY is just making excuses/being manipulative?

And then of course that gets erased from the Empathy, as well as as just mentioned most of the reasons LXC actually gave. So. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh, this also means it cuts what I'm pretty sure is the first on-screen use of A-Yao—it does show up later in the Empathy version of this scene, so I don't think that's hugely significant, but just as a note.

Then there's MY kneeling in preparation for apology, which is in both Empathy and episode 23. The Empathy cuts make it seem like he kneels pretty much right after NMJ lowers his blade, though, and we don't get to see him making the deliberate choice to step out if LXC's protection to kneel—again, I think it makes LXC seem more understanding of NMJ than he actually is here.

The apology proper is only in Empathy; honestly it mostly seems fairly reasonable to me, although it does mean you only hear LXC saying "But I believe, when he was doing such things, deep in his heart he must have been…" after the version that cuts most of his reasons for believing that. In terms of actual changes, I wonder if LXC reacted more quickly/strongly to the bit where it looks like NMJ is actually going to kill MY? It's definitely more understated than his previous reactions, and it would fit with the other changes made.

Last scene: the oath. At this point I think it's fairly well-known that NMJ looking at JGY, and LXC turning his head to look at them both, is only in Empathy—there's also, maybe?, a small change to the text; in episode 23, "Both God and people will be furious with us" is 天人共怒, but in Empathy it's 天人共戮. I say maybe because—on the one hand, the subs definitely use a different character, and it's in both the YT subs and the Netflix subs even though those aren't always 100% identical, but while I'm not usually checking the audio for this I did here because it's just the one character and the audio pretty much sounds the same to me? (ep 23) (Empathy) Could just be my ear, or a mistake on the subs' part or the audio part, who knows.

Overview

Looking at all the changes together, a few patterns emerge.

First, people who are doing damage who aren't JGY—the Wen, XY—tend to get minimized or erased from the narrative. Similarly and to some extent as a result, the harm caused by JGY is exaggerated; also similarly, the good that JGY does is also minimized or erased. Meanwhile, the damage done /to/ JGY is minimized—both the environment of abuse he suffered at Qinghe, and the physical harm done to him, which he usually recovers from much more quickly in Empathy (even when the attack itself is made stronger as, unusually, it is in the confrontation where NMJ kicks MY out of Qinghe). Finally MY is made more manipulative than he necessarily is; while I'm not saying he's never being manipulative, NMJ understands his expressions of weakness as /purely/ manipulative and inherently false, when in fact the weakness MY expresses is very real, however calculated, or not!, its expression may be.

Honestly—in this JGY who does way more harm and way less good than he actually does, who is more powerful and experiences less damage than he actually does, who is never actually weak but only acting that way to manipulate people? I feel like I'm seeing a lot of where popular takes on JGY come from.

[residentfangirl2104]

Sunrise

So I couldn't stop thinking about the Sunrise Logince idea and wrote this instead of studying like I should be

Link on AO3

Pairing: Logan/Roman, Romantic

Summary: Logan has always been fascinated by learning new things, so it's natural he would want to learn Spanish when he hears Roman speaking it.

And if that allows him to spend some extra time with a certain creative side, that's merely a bonus, isn't it?

Logan wasn't sure how they'd gotten here.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. He wasn't so obtuse as to not know the systematic sequence of actions that led to this moment. The inciting incident occurred during movie night with all of the sides.

(Logan had tried his level best to get out of it, since it really was a detriment to his schedule, but Patton's puppy eyes left no room for a 'no'.)

The movie they had settled on was Coco, although it would be more aptly described as Coco featuring Roman Sanders and his Unnecessarily Overdramatic Vocals. Roman was doing them all the (very unasked for) courtesy of translating every dialogue in Spanish. Logan could swear it was mostly just so he could rub in their faces that he knew something they didn't, but he was too invested in trying to catch onto and learn the words to call him out for it.

"So when she sings 'Me subí al pino más alto, Llorona', it means 'I climbed the highest pine for you, Llorona'", he proudly proclaimed.

"Still missing the part where we asked, Princey." Virgil's eyebrow was raised in a taunt. Roman huffed offendedly, raising an arm to his forehead dramatically.

"And so the kind and helpful hero is shunned by his peers, put down for all his attempts at helping people he so generously calls his friends."

"I am positively ecstatic at the fact that I just missed Imelda's speech to Miguel because of that. I totally wanted to hear you become Google translate instead of watching the movie we came here for." Janus snarked from across him.

Their words descended into a buzz of squabbling voices, and Logan sighed exasperatedly, tuning them out. Peace was a coveted yet unheard of possession in the mindscape.

"Fine! I won't! I shall not waste my talents for people who refuse to be grateful about it!"

"Thank you." Virgil sounded genuinely grateful, which was probably understandable, but Logan was baffled how no one seemed to be more intrigued in what Roman was saying. He resolved his mind to bring it up with the Prince later, even if it cost him a bit of pride; he was strangely excited at the prospect of learning a new language. Of course, this was purely academic, fueled only by his need to learn; not an excuse to spend time with Roman. It was definitely not because of how every moment he spent with Roman made his oxytocin and dopamine levels soar.

That would, after all, be illogical.

The other sides began retiring to their bedrooms after the movie was over, and Logan took that opportunity to follow him into the kitchen. Roman's back was to Logan, sifting through the cupboards for something, and he clearly had not heard him coming - made evident by the way he pulled out his sword the moment Logan spoke.

"Roman?"

"Wha- Logan, hey!" He realized the sword was still in his hand, and flushed apologetically, putting it back. "You scared me! Not that I'm scared by anything, of course. Fearless as I am."

Logan raised an eyebrow. "Naturally. I came here to ask you a question."

Roman tried to inconspicuously put the Crofters jar he was holding back onto the kitchen slab, as though Logan would somehow not notice the giant jar that he had put there if Roman moved quietly enough. He chose not to comment, redirecting his attention to Roman's face.

"Sure, what is it?"

Logan had (perfectly rationally) spent the past hour wondering how to phrase the question in a normal and polite way, but all that came out of his mouth in the moment was, "Teachmespanishplease."

"What? What are you, talking through clenched teeth? I couldn't hear you."

"Uh, I was wondering if you could teach me Spanish? I am ashamed to say I have no fluency in any languages besides English, and I thought it might be prudent to rectify that. If you don't mind, of course."

Roman gaped at him for a while, eyes wide.

"I- uh, sure! I mean, why not? If you want to learn from me, that is-"

"I just said that I do."

Roman gave him a half-hearted glare for interrupting, then continued his nervous ramble. "I wouldn't mind at all! That is to say, I would naturally love to provide my assistance to literally the only person who seems to appreciate it." He gave a mock offended sigh, and Logan stifled a grin.

"Shall we, then?"

"Now? I mean, of course, let us away! To my room, that is."

Logan followed as Roman dramatically sauntered to his room, gingerly perching on the edge of the bed while Roman threw himself across it.

Which led to this moment, with Logan on Roman's red satin sheets, the other man lying on his stomach, face turned up towards Logan's. The maroon Christmas sweater bunched at his neck and his hands burrowed in his sleeves, making him appear smaller than he was. And also making him appear incredibly adorable, which was a prospect Logan was not prepared for.

Eyes soft and encouraging, Roman asked, "You want to keep going?"

"Of course I do. This is hardly rocket science, I can take more information. It's barely been an hour."

"It's been five hours."

Logan squinted at his watch. There was something off-putting about Roman being more time aware than him, but there it was.

"Well, five hours isn't that much. Learning a language requires this kind of effort, and I've never been one to shy away from that. Now, ask me the questions. Quiz me, so to speak."

Roman chuckled at his enthusiasm. "Okay, nerd. First...Esquína."

"Corner."

"Tienda."

"Store."

"Bombilla."

"Lightbulb."

Roman grinned, face lighting up like the aforementioned appliance. "Three out of three! Not bad, Calculator Watch. That was pretty impressive."

Logan glowed at the praise. "Yes, well, what kind of Logic would I be if I couldn't learn some simple words?"

"Take the compliment, will you? I don't just hand them out willy-nilly."

"Should I thank you for your observation about me being intelligent? Because I suppose your observation of anything at all is, indeed, an impressive feat, but I fail to see how knowledge of basic facts warrants gratitude."

Roman furrowed his brow. "Oh, so I donate my valuable time to teach you Spanish and all I get is insults? Nay, I say! I shall not tolerate such preposterous behaviour!"

Logan raised his eyebrows at his usage of the word, but said nothing. "Thank you, Roman, for teaching me, and for telling me what I already knew."

"Well, you're a...stupid...poopie head. So, take that!"

"Truly devastating, what an insult. I shall never recover." Logan startled at his own words. "Since when do I use hyperbole? I've been spending too much time with you, haven't I?"

"Then don't. You can go if you want." Roman said with the air of a wounded animal. Under his dramatic pretenses, though, Logan could see the slightest bit of genuine uncertainty behind it.

"I will most certainly not do that. Unless you are tired, since it is incredibly late-"

"Hey, no, I'm not if you aren't!

"Then teach me more." Logan said eagerly.

Roman seemed to consider it for a moment, then nodded. "Give it your best guess from what you already know - calor."

"Heat."

"Anoche."

"Night?"

"Close! It's last night."

Logan nodded impatiently, gesturing for him to keep going. A shadow passed over Roman's face, although Logan got the impression it had been there for some time, and Roman had only just stopped hiding it.

".... Principe."

That took Logan by surprise. He hoped he was just imagining the undercurrent of sadness in Roman's voice.

"Prince."

"... Dolor."

Logan shifted slightly at the more evident change in the mood. "Pain."

Roman nodded wordlessly, looking down at his hands. Logan frowned.

"I am aware that I am not always adept at following social cues, but unless I am mistaken….you seem upset."

Roman shrugged. "When you first suggested that you wanted to learn Spanish, I thought it was just a cruel joke, you know."

"What? Why would it be?"

"I don't know, maybe because the only time you've ever shown any interest whatsoever in learning a language before was to insult me!"

Silence echoed through the room. A pang of guilt resounded in Logan's chest.

"Wait, that's what this is about?"

"Forget it, it's not a big deal, that's why I was trying to avoid mentioning it. Forget I said anything-"

"No, it is most certainly a big deal if it upset you this much."

Roman faltered a bit, opening then closing his mouth. "It just….it seemed strange you would ask me to teach you, when you've made it clear what you think of my intellect. El Príncipe es estupido, right?"

"I didn't mean-"

"Yes you did. You meant it, Logan." Roman's voice held a bitterness that filled Logan with unease. "If you didn't mean it, you wouldn't have gone to the effort of learning the same phrase in over 50 languages, would you? It was good to know where I stood in your eyes, I suppose."

The unease rose. This was not supposed to happen, this was not how Logan had intended any of it to play out. All of this was so wrong, and the worst of it was that in any other situation, Logan would have admired Roman's reasoning that led him here. In fact, in his place, he probably would have come to the same conclusion, considering the limited information Roman had. Of course it was all because of Logan's abysmal communication skills (or lack thereof), it wasn't like Logan hadn't hurt people for the same reasons before.

"Roman, that's not- that's not what I think of you. Although I can see how you would come to that conclusion, I never even realized what it looked like from your perspective."

Roman furrowed his brows. "What other reason could you possibly have for it?"

Logan found himself silent for several moments, searching and failing to find the right words. Speech didn't usually elude him that way, but his brain was all jumbled at the moment, which didn't make sense given that he didn't have a brain. Things, however, had a way of defying sense when he was around Roman, so he couldn't say he was surprised.

"I…. I just wanted to be listened to. I only ever seem to be listened to when in a direct argument, so it stood to reason that the harder I worked in that direction, the higher chances I had of anyone listening to what I had to say."

Roman's eyes were wide, his expression dumbfounded. When he spoke, his tone was confused.

"What? What does any of that mean?"

Logan forced himself to be patient, no matter how tempting it was to give up trying to communicate anything. The futility of emotions never failed to surprise him, really.

"Surely it cannot surprise you to know that I am not exactly used to being heard when I voice my opinion. None of you seem to care about what I have to say, despite my entire function literally being logic, the part that should be followed the most. But at the very least, you seemed to actually listen to me. Even if it was only in this sort of pseudo-rivalry we have going, only when we're directly opposing each other. At least you cared about the concerns and criticisms I shared, cared enough about the arguments to invest your time and energy into it. That is….more than I can say for most of the sides."

Roman's mouth hung open, his features painted with surprise. Logan was struck by how, even when he thought it impossible for any person to look more exaggeratedly cartoon-like, Roman disproved that.

"Are you trying to tell me that all this time you've been arguing with and opposing me because...you wanted my attention?"

Logan scoffed almost involuntarily. "It is not nearly as juvenile and immature as you just made it sound."

"But why would you insult me just so I would take you seriously?"

"I assumed you enjoyed the banter. You and Virgil do often argue and insult each other and yet you seem to be closer than ever, so I would think you find debating an intellectually stimulating practice as part of friendship."

"So...you don't actually think I'm stupid and worthless?"

Logan blinked as the words sank in. "Oh, Roman. You thought that's what I think of you?"

Roman looked slightly embarrassed, refusing to meet Logan's eyes.

"Of course you aren't stupid or worthless! I mean, perhaps intelligence isn't your strongest feature, but that would discount everything you are capable of. It takes cleverness to come up with the ideas you do, a level of originality and creativity that I could only ever aspire to have." Logan had been very careful not to ever let slip how much he admired and cared about Roman, or how he felt about him. It wouldn't do for him to show that he had such feelings, after all.

But once the floodgates had been opened, everything came rushing out.

"Your nicknames are witty and I know from first hand experience it is not that easy to come up with them on the spot. You never fail to be passionate about the things you care for. You immerse yourself in constantly learning new things - perhaps the only one I know besides myself who is so interested in enriching themself, taking criticism and admitting gaps in knowledge to try and better themself. Above all, you are a good friend, in a way I never will be, listening to others, caring openly and deeply, putting their needs before your own even when all you want is to get what you desire."

Roman's eyelids fluttered, and Logan hoped fervently he wasn't about to burst into tears. Fortunately for both of them, he didn't.

"You mean that?"

"I would never consider you so lowly, Roman; I have always held you in high regards, and that is perhaps why I am so harsh on you sometimes. But be content in the knowledge that you aren't stupid, not really. Well, sort of a..." He checked his notecards briefly. "Dumbass, sometimes-"

"Hey! Did Virgil teach you that?"

Logan grinned and continued, "but not stupid. And certainly not worthless."

Roman smiled and for a heart-stopping moment, it seemed to light up the entire room. Logan had always scoffed at how that phrase was merely a metaphor, but he found himself believing, just for a second, that it may as well be real.

"I am so sorry for making you think I'll only listen to you if we're on opposite sides." Roman said genuinely. "Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the debates we have - I just wish we could spend a little less time shouting at each other and a little more actually talking."

"I suppose it was an error on both sides. But this is progress, isn't it?"

"Yeah, Pocket Protector. This is progress."

They had both shifted infinitesimally closer to each other over the course of conversation, and Logan felt an irrational desire to move even closer. Well, there went rational thinking.

"Could we...keep going?" He said.

Roman nodded, almost involuntarily. His eyes were fixed on Logan's own, full of unreadable emotion.

"Azul."

"Blue."

"Hermoso."

No one spoke for a beat. "Beautiful."

Roman's expression was gentle, his eyes shining with the same exuberance as the smile that lit up his face. His hand moved forward, coming to rest uncertainly on Logan's own. The warmth of his touch seeped into Logan's skin, spreading through him. Warmth bloomed in his chest, too, but a different kind; the soft, fuzzy, feelings kind. Normally, Logan would abhor the emotion - any emotion at all, really.

But for once, he didn't want to. For once, he wanted to feel.

"Amor."

Logan's heart skipped a beat, his eyes refusing to leave Roman's warm brown ones. It felt as though his breath had left him entirely, although he logically knew that was not possible.

"Love."

"Maybe it is." Roman whispered softly, almost to himself. Logan had a sneaking suspicion he wasn't just talking about the accuracy of the translation.

Filled with a sudden jolt of courage, the words were leaving Logan's lips before he had even thought them through.

"How do you say "kiss me"?"

Roman's eyes literally lit up, pure euphoria manifesting itself in a brilliant smile.

"Bésame."

Logan prided himself on always being hyper-aware of his actions and surroundings, something which allowed him to systematically catalogue his day in his mind. For all that organization, though, he would never be able to recall who exactly made the first move in that moment.

What he would recall, was the feeling of Roman's lips on his, of Roman's arms around his shoulders. He pulled back, that blinding smile never leaving his mouth, and wordlessly curled into Logan's side. With a startled chuckle, Logan shifted to make them both a bit more comfortable, leaning back against the headboard. At the sight of Roman, with all his mussed hair and big doe eyes and the sweater sleeves pulled up to his fingers, Logan's heart figuratively melted.

Outside, the first few rays of light began peeking through the window. The two of them, blissfully unaware of the dawn, lay in a tangle of limbs and hearts, silhouetted against the rose tinted golden hues of the sunrise.So

[savrenim]

What does a “mathematical brain” mean ? My math teacher told me he didn’t know why I couldn’t get good grades in math because I have the mind for it so I’m very confused by what having a mathematical mind is supposed to be.

I really don't think there is such a thing as a mathematical brain? Especially because math is a huge subject, and different parts of it require very differently skills and instincts. Writing off an entire subject as "your brain is just good or bad at it/ you're just pre-disposed to be good or bad at it" is bullshit, especially in math, where any given problem will have multiple solutions and especially when you're first learning standard maths taught through the calculus sequence and not where it all came from and how it all connects with each other the best way to go about remembering how to do everything in my opinion is find the one way that really makes sense to you, and then stick to it.

I will say that "I am bad at languages" / "My brain is just bad at languages." The actual truth of the matter is, I'm... not bad, like, I certainly don't have any sort of auditory processing disorder, but at the very least sub-optimal at purely auditory processing. I am very bad at remembering people's names or hearing them right in the first place unless I see them written down in front of me, rip my DM for having to send me character lists every new arc of gay murder elf bachelorette or I just will call everyone the wrong name, I cannot do 'listening to podcasts' really well, I don't bother with audiobooks, etc. Very specifically, if something is purely auditory with no visual component attached, it seems like my brain just doesn't interpret it or remember it correctly. And again, this definitely isn't a disorder or anything! I mildly prefer subtitles, but I watch movies without subtitles just fine all the time. I can listen to podcasts so long as I have an appropriate activity like driving or cooking or laundry that I'm doing at the same time occupying just enough brainpower. I have zero problems with my hearing, zero problems with speaking to people in English, zero problems in general with learning/ learning disability. But oh boy, trying to learn a different spoken language. I did just fine, in fact straight As because tests were written, in six years of Spanish and three years of French, but I cannot for the life of me understand a single word in one of those languages. Despite the fact that I can still somewhat read French. The spoken bit never clicked. Teachers asked me why I did not join the honors sequence or even the AP sequence for the languages I was in because I was so good at it and I externally went "my courseload is busy enough" and internally went "you mofos those classes would actually grade me on the oral bits, I can do this now bc I'm good at charts and grammar and written things and memorization, but that will not make me good at speaking the language."

I am fairly certain if I devoted years to it and tried really hard, I could learn to speak a different language. I deeply admire people who do learn other languages. But it's Hard for me and I've decided to use my time for Other Things, and that's okay.

The thing with math is that it's similar. If you're dealing with anything up to and through a college calculus sequence, there are specific skills you'll be using and depending on how those skills are taught, they may or may not align with your natural instincts. For me, math is pretty much visualization. A lot of working with functions and manipulating values and what-not is at least for me something that I did with internal sketches of what was happening the whole time. For example, why is the solution to |x-a|<b a single interval but |x-a|>b two intervals? Well, the picture in your head of a number line, and think of point "a" and distance "b" then you're either highlighting "distance b close to a" or "distance b away from a". Or what is the domain and range of f(x)=8/(x^2-16). Well, the picture of x^2-16 is a parabola but most importantly it has zeroes at 4 and -4 and a minimum of -16, so once that sketch is in your head you kind of. Instinctively reconstruct the reverse sketch of 8/(x^2-16) by thinking of where it's positive, where it's negative, where it goes to 0, to infinity, or hits a local maximum/minimum.

For higher maths, the only thing that I can really think of in terms of having a "mathematical brain" is training oneself in formal logic for proofs. But again, that involves way more learning of tools (proof by contradiction, proof by induction, proof by construction) and figuring out on your own how to make them work for you than any one given particular type of skill. A lot of actual math research though is fucking around playing around with things until you see what stuff actually sticks. Whole bunch of trial and error trying to get things to work, and them either working or not.

I think the public perception of what makes a "good mathematical brain" is probably something along the lines of: (1) an exact/precise person, whatever that is supposed to mean, (2) someone good at memorization, and (3) someone who seems logical/organized? But that is kind of delving into stereotypes and way less what actually makes people good at math. But also I'm pretty sure pretty much every person has their own internal stereotypes, and a teacher will probably have their own specific stereotypes after teaching a class for years about which general types of students are usually good or bad.

But mostly, flat-out? Any teacher who tells you something like that is a shitty teacher, and fuck them.

[pynkhues]

What advice can you give for making a dialogue sequence flow better. Rather than just saying he said, she said, etc.? Please and thank you (●'◡'●)

Hi! That’s a great question, anon!

I know it was definitely something I struggled with when I was a newer writer because so often I think when we’re first approaching writing, we tend to put a lot of weight in dialogue. That’s not a bad thing necessarily, dialogue is an important part of storytelling, more so for some writers than others. Amy Sherman-Palladino who created Gilmore Girls and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel is a very dialogue-driven writer for instance, whereas Vince Gilligan who created Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul often prioritises silence and lets visual language stand alone, but the way they use the dialogue they have, whether it be with a light touch or a heavy hand, isn’t really about the dialogue at all, it’s about tone and rhythm.

As you grow as a writer, I think you start to get more of a sense of what that means, but an example and an exercise I use a lot when I’m teaching creative writing is to take the scenario of two girls walking through a forest. Try writing it as a horror, and then try writing it as a light drama. The scenario itself can be either, it’s the tone that creates the story, and as a part of that, what changes is setting and environment, dialogue, and actions.

In one, you’ll have twisting branches and darkness and panicked breaths and scrambling hands, and in the other you’ll have lush trees and warm midday light and laughter and gentle touches.

You’ll also have very different dialogue, and therefore very different context for which that dialogue is delivered. What helps it flow, as you put it, is something that’s responsive to the story that you’re telling and what else is happening in the scene.

So! Let’s break that down a little!

When you're thinking about anything on a scene level, I think it really boils down to six questions:

What's the story you're telling?

What's the purpose of your scene?

Where are your characters? What is the environment they're in?

What are they doing as they talk?

What is the context of the characters' relationship?

How are the characters feeling?

That's kind of a lot, haha, so I'll try to keep this relatively short.

What’s the story you’re telling?

This really comes back to what I was saying above about the story you’re telling having an impact on how you use all narrative devices whether that be dialogue, description or setting. It would make no sense for Walt in Breaking Bad to talk like Lorelai from Gilmore Girls or vice versa for instance – that’s not the story that the writers are trying to tell. Walt’s limited dialogue helps to reflect his secretive nature and the dark mood of the story overall, while Lorelai’s rapid-fire dialogue and tendency to be doing a lot while she talks reflects the frenetic energy of the show and the gravitational pull she has on those around Star’s Hollow.

The dialogue – and the way that dialogue is delivered – helps to embed the viewer or reader and create a tone that matches the story you want to tell.

What’s the purpose of your scene?

More than that, how you use dialogue and the cues around dialogue helps to realise the purpose of your scene.

All scenes have a purpose.

Scenes are the building blocks of your story. They are what get you from the floor to the ceiling, and you need to know what each of those building blocks is doing.

That doesn't have to be a lot! Sometimes a building block is just 'character has a bird poop on them on their way to the party'. On its own, the scene might seem light, but the purpose is actually to set up that they're about to have a really bad time at the party. That's great! Because you know the purpose of that scene therefore is Foreshadowing.

The point is though that that purpose - whether big or small - will impact the way your characters behave and interact not only with other characters, but the environment around them.

If the purpose is, for instance, two characters misunderstanding each other, they’ll likely be frustrated or hurt, which will contribute to not just what they say, but their tone of voice and their posture, and the space. They might feel the chill of the air conditioning a little more acutely, grab a couch cushion to hug to their chest, distract themselves by putting dishes away with stiff hands, push a hip into the kitchen counter hard enough to leave a mark.

Purpose informs tone which informs character which informs action.

Which brings me to a big point.

Where are your characters? What is the environment that they’re having this conversation in?

This is something I see often neglected in writing from newer writers. Which is a shame! Space can bring so much to your story – not only in terms of grounding your readers, but providing entry points and understanding to your characters state of mind without you having to explicitly say it. How your characters feel that environment, what they focus on, is a way to explore how they’re feeling and can punctuate your dialogue (but I’ll come back to that point in a minute).

For instance, things like weather and temperature, wide open spaces vs tiny, cluttered rooms, other characters in those environments (I always encourage people to draw diagrams of rooms and map out character action. It might sound a little silly, but trust me, it helps a LOT), and the characteristics of those spaces (like I said above with barren, twisting branches vs lush trees as a very broad example) are all things that are going to contribute to the way you build a scene.

And more than that, what your character’s doing as they talk.

Which, hey! What are they doing as they talk?

It’s pretty rare for people to do nothing as they have a conversation – they doodle on sketchbooks, or roll their eyes, take sips of their drink, flail and gesture, reach out to touch the other person's hand, pet their dog, check their phones, get dressed or undressed – and that’s not even including the bigger acts that might be in your story – running from an enemy, cooking a feast for a huge party, getting into a fistfight, hacking into a secret government database, etc etc.

This is often a question I fall back on, and try to imbue in my writing. Take this little bit from Clean Like Him, where Beth is having a tense conversation with Rio in Paper Porcupine.

“Official launches make businesses feel real,” she says tersely instead, irritation seeping into her tone as she slashes the last row of paper. She collects the cuttings, organises the notes and checks the edges, mostly just to have something to do with her hands. So they won’t hang awkward at her sides or balled into fists or – worse – touch him somehow (god, why is she thinking about touching him? Stupid. She clears her throat. Refocuses.) “And if this is going to work, we need it to feel real, remember?”

Beth's working, but I explicitly say she wants to have something to do with her hands to distract herself from him, and her actions are jerky, her task a little aggressive, which is really about showing that she's on edge and punctuating a tenser tone.

The point is, all of these things are actions that are going to interrupt and interact with your dialogue and what that feels like depends on history and feelings.

Who's having the conversation, and what's the history of their relationship?

This might sound like an obvious one, but I think sometimes people can underestimate the impact that it actually has on an exchange. How familiar your characters are with one another and what the context of their relationship is has huge impacts on how a scene plays out and what a character might be doing.

Beth and Rio for instance knowing each other so well and not knowing each other at all is actually a pretty complicated dynamic to capture, especially when it's often paralleled with Beth and Dean who also know each other so well and not at all but in a completely different way, haha. These contexts though are going to affect how they interact. After all, Beth's not going to treat Rio the same way she treats Dean because that history and that context is different.

Really thinking about what that means is going to help you to think about the way these characters interact both broadly and specifically to what you're writing, which in turn is going to help you start to find a rhythm to their conversation.

How are your character’s feeling?

This is really the lynchpin of all of the above. How your character is feeling is going to define the purpose of your scene, how they interact with their environment and other characters, and what it is they’re doing. A character who’s frazzled is going to have more scattered dialogue, a more urgent tone, they’re going to pick up the wrong thing or lose things and their relationship with their space will be different.

Think of Beth in 2.07 when Jane’s missing. She and Dean go to a private space – his home office – to have a fight even though their house is full of police, neighbours and friends, and Beth is furious at him, and he throws something historic at her (and important to the context of their current relationship) - Rio shooting him - to deflect from his failure as a parent.

Immediately afterwards, Beth is frazzled and desperate. Her tone becomes harried, she can’t find her car keys and rummages through her handbag and the things on the hall table, even though she’s holding them, something Ruby has to point out, and then she leaves to find Rio to try and get him to help her.

The dialogue itself is there to build tone and atmosphere and in fact, Beth’s dialogue with Dean is punctuated by her tone and anger, not her words – she doesn’t tell Dean she doesn’t think Rio would ever take the children, she throws the question back at him and her fury is what tells us as an audience what she thinks.

Tone is what generates atmosphere and meaning, and to work out what your tone is is to understand the purpose of your scene and your character’s feelings, which in turn determines how they respond to their environment and tasks, and it’s that response that punctuates feelings and tone.

It’s all a bit of a snake eat tail situation, haha, but my point is, thinking about dialogue tags and flow is really thinking about the energy and context of an interaction, and the tone and the purpose of a scene. Think about sensory description, think about space, think about what a character might be doing as they navigate that interaction, and think about how you can use that to further explore the character’s interior life.

But most importantly, always be thinking about what you want your readers to take away from the interaction.

I’ve plucked another scene out of my most recent fic, Clean Like Him, just because it’s still pretty fresh in my head, and I've marked a few of these points in these screenshots (please open the image in a new tab so you can, y'know, actually read it, haha)

A lot of this excerpt is reliant on the context of Beth and Dean's relationship and the reality that Beth is using him but also still feels tied to him through their history, which in turn makes her feel guilty.

This is the second scene in the fic, so there's a lot of establishing stuff that comes up again later too – particularly Dean's insecurity and ego failings, and the fact that he diminishes and doesn't see her. Things like interruptions, like mid-conversation pivots, like wounded puppy expressions and Beth deliberately tuning him out are all utilised as active dialogue tags, but also tone and mood builders which hopefully creates the rhythm of the story.

You don't necessarily have to think about all this at once either. A lot of this sort of stuff I tend to work out more when I'm re-writing - so I'll already have a barer bones draft which is more about me putting the scene purpose down on paper; because, like I said, that's really the most important thing.

So yes! Sorry! That got a bit long, haha. I hope it's a help though, anon! Let me know if you have any questions 😊

[villa-kulla]

Fic Writer Review

Tagged by @fontainebleau22, thanks for the tag, sorry for the delay!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

26 at the moment.

2. What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

722 309. I’d have thought it would be more considering how long some of mine seem to get, although looking at other people’s answers to this meme, I guess 26 isn’t really a huge number!

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

My first fic ever was a little Lord of the Rings experiment for an exchange thing. But my first proper dip into writing for a fandom would have been Breaking Bad, where I wrote for a couple of years before it felt like my ideas had run their course. Then there was a Kingsman fic, and then Mag7 where - similarly to BrBa - wrote feverishly for a couple years until it felt like the well had been plumbed. Oh yeah and then jumped into the Marvel fandom to drop one Marvel fic before immediately jumping back out lol.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

So the Marvel fic has officially just become my most kudoed fic, which is kind of hilarious considering it was a SUEZ! CANAL! FIC! But in my opinion, a good one lol. So yeah, it would be 1. The SamBucky Suez Canal fic, 2. The Kingsman soccer AU, 3. Desert Sand, 4. Chisolm’s 7, and 5. Blue Devils. That last one surprises me, but I guess it was an early one for the fandom, so I think it became an automatic read.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not

I do! It’s possible I’ve missed some here and there, but generally I try to get them all.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don’t think any of them! While my fics definitely include angst, ideally it’s still in a fun way, or at minimum, bittersweet? I don’t generally want the last taste in a reader’s mouth to be angst. ALTHOUGH. I really really wanted to include an epilogue to the selkie fic that’s kind of angsty. Basically the story would end, but then many years later we’d see an old man get off a bus on the coastal road, carrying a suitcase. He’d be wearing a suit, clearly back from many years travelling. He’d walk to the coast, back over a hill where there’d once been a little fishing cottage, long since torn down. He’d walk down to the beach and into a little cove where he’d kneel by the water he knew better than anyone. Opening the suitcase he’d take out a box which he’d then empty into the ocean, ashes spreading across the water. He’d take out a folded bundle of cloth and wrap it around his shoulders. Then he’d dive into the water, disappearing into the waves, leaving nothing but an empty suitcase behind him, and a folded pile of clothes.

I loved that ending but I’m still not 100% sure if it was keeping in tone with the actual ending, so I left it out. Maybe one day I’ll go and add it as en extra chapter snippet.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don’t know if I’d call them ‘crossovers’ exactly, although I did stick Goody and Billy into a Some Like it Hot ‘jazz band on a train’ situation, and I also did a Breaking Bad one that used some elements of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Those feel more like ‘AUs’ though. I like situational crossovers, but I’ve never been super into fics where characters from different fandoms actually interact.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Thankfully not. The most off-putting comment I’ve gotten was someone who - despite being very complimentary - decided to make a full-on laundry list all the anachronisms in a chapter lmao, like what. Stuff like "interesting that this character used this expression when XYZ would only been invented 10 years later!” etc. I’m positive they didn’t realize how it came off, but still, that was kind of hilarious in its.....obliviousness lol. It was special.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I do. And I guess I’ve done the full spectrum of ‘fade to black’ to ‘describe every bead of sweat in pearlescent detail’. It really depends on what the fic calls for! I’ve done some I’m quite proud of tbh, but there are others I’d like to go back and have another stab at, just because they felt kinda cookie-cutter.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

There’ve been a couple! I can’t remember which ones specially, but I had some people asking to translate some Breaking Bad ones, and I think a Mag7 one too. I remember someone messaging to ask permission like “We love your fics in Russia!” and that was a very sweet and wild thing to hear.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, I wrote one with @yoporkchopsandwiches! Our Victorian opium dens Breaking Bad AU lol. I was just thinking of that recently actually and remembering how fun it was to read what the other wrote! We plotted out most of it together, and then took turns writing chapters or scenes. But of course while writing you come up with other details or ideas, so we’d then present the new chapter to the other with all the new bits added. And it was so fun to read what the other came up with like ‘omg no way didn’t see that coming/good idea!’ and then picking up their idea from there. In that sense it was almost like improv but for writers.

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

That I’ve written? I think I’ve had the most fun with Goodnight/Billy, partly for the time period, partly for the dynamic, but mostly for the plausibility. While I really enjoyed writing BrBa, it felt more like it came from enthusiasm for the show, not the central ship lol. Don’t get me wrong, the chemistry and its potential was extremely fun to write in a fic setting, but I don’t find I actually shipped it while watching the show itself. Whereas it’s been nice with Mag7 to write for a ship that’s actually....more believable lol. 

14. What’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Ugh I can’t beLIEVE I have an unfinished fic up on ao3 lol it haunts me. I was sure I was done with Goodnight/Billy, and then early quarantine last year I had a train robbers AU idea, so I posted a couple chapters. But I don’t think my heart was super in it, I was more just messing around with the idea. I don’t want to delete it, but I’m also not super motivated to finish it haha, but we’ll see what happens. But tbh I like the poem summary better than the fic itself:P

15. What are your writing strengths?

Plotting, keeping things moving, and making stories feel visual maybe? They’re almost all movies in my head anyways, so I think I have good instincts for ‘cinematic moments’.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

I think I’m a little lazy, and also ‘end-product oriented’. In some ways it’s helpful to picture the whole fic before you write it, but sometimes it results in some scenes feeling slightly slapdash because I’m just trying to get them out to move onto the next. Like ‘everyone did everything I wanted to in this scene? Great, next.’ I could stand to ‘stop and smell the roses’ more while I write, and actually see what else I can do to improve a scene.

(also if I use a word once it sticks in my head I end up using it like 5 other times in a scene and don’t notice lol, I need to stop that)

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

All for it! Depends how it’s done though. I personally find long scenes of dialogue where you have to constantly jump down to the author’s notes for the translations to be distracting. I like when it’s integrated more naturally where actual translations aren’t super important. Like in River Grit, Billy overhears this little exchange between Goodnight and his childhood nanny:

“Ah c’est vrai, mon petit Bonsoir! J’en peux pas le croire!” she cried out and laughed as she embraced Goody. Billy realized with a start that he actually recognized one of the words: ‘Bonsoir’. Goodnight. (insert brief flashback of Goody teaching him the nickname) / “Ma Serafine,” Goodnight said with a laugh. “C’est vrai que tu ne vieillis pas. Tu vas me rendre jaloux, heh?” / Billy had no idea what Goodnight was saying, but he sure as hell recognized Goodnight’s tone for flattery, and it was confirmed when the old woman laughed and smacked his arm.

What they’re actually saying is: “Oh it’s true, my little Goodnight! I can’t believe it!” / “My Serafine, it’s true you never age. You’re going to make me jealous”. But it doesn’t matter because this fic is from Billy’s POV so it’s about how he experiences the language around him, which is why I wouldn’t have included a translation for the reader. If you understand it then it’s a bonus, but the words themselves aren’t really the point! 

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

That lil Lord of the Rings fic.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Hmm for Mag7 I’ve always liked River Grit and love how it turned out. I also think Ashes feels very complete as a fic and I liked the flashback format. And while it’s not my favourite fic, in hindsight I’m impressed with the Kingsman football fic and how I had to write about 5 different soccer games and make them all feel different and exciting, and not just some variation of ‘He kicked the ball!’ I’m really pleased with how those sequences all turned out.

La fin! Not tagging anyone this time, but please feel free to do this if you see it! I love when people just take initiative to do these things without waiting for a tag (also please tag me in it if you do, ‘cause I love reading these things lol)

[welcometomy20s]

January 10th, 2021

Action Button Review

Review

Tim Rogers reminds me of Hank Green. They are about the same age, they look about the same age which is a combination of young and old that feel eternal. They also have the same length of experience in writing in online spaces, interest in Japanese media, and apparently have Crohn’s disease? In summary, he might be the closest equivalent to Dave Green that exists in the real world. Well, I guess Dave Green is not apt, as Dave Green is not special in a way, while Tim Rogers is special, but his speciality comes from his failures rather than his counterparts' success.

Tim Rogers is a hypothetical Green brother who did not decide to publish that book. He’s a hypothetical Green brother who went to Japan instead of Alabama or Florida. Whose project crashed and burned rather than a surprise success. He’s forged in fire while the Green brothers are eroded by water. Both are wonderful people, but with a different ground of intensity and differing wealth of wisdom.

I encountered this series because I found a twitter post about a six hour review of Tokimeki Memorial, and a white middle-aged man talking about a dating sim for six hours with laudatory blurbs would always pique my interest, but since I didn’t know the guy, I went ahead and looked if he made other videos, and found he has four other review that were all about three hours or more. Now I knew that I had to watch all the reviews to prepare myself for this six hour review of Tokimeki Memorial.

Now, I wasn’t a stranger to three hour reviews of video games. I watched Joseph Anderson, Raycevick, Whitelight, matthewmatosis, and Noah Gervais-Caldwell. In fact, in the comments below Action Button Reviews, many people talked about a comparison to Noah Gervais-Caldwell (and Brian David Gilbert) and that was quite funny since I actually watched a recent Noah Gervais-Caldwell video.

His first two reviews were perfunctory, him opening himself up and trying out new things and polishing his review style, as he went through the Final Fantasy VII remake and The Last of Us. While I watched The Last of Us, I distinctly remembered and contrasted Noah’s The Last of Us Part 2 review with Tim Roger’s The Last of Us review. I liked Tim Roger’s defense of interactive movies (although he denies it!) contrasted with more cynical but ultimately positive connotation in Noah’s review. And Noah’s thesis pairs nicely with Tim’s observation that Ellie was the main protagonist all along. That fact makes Part 2 much more understandable, even the bad parts.

When I finished watch his first two reviews, I went ahead and also watched several of Tim’s videos on Kotaku, which were slightly shorter, the longest being just over an hour, which is a review of the best games in 1994, and does contain a short segment about Tokimeki Memorial, which his six hour review was my destination. To put in context, Tokimeki Memorial was #3. #1 was Earthbound, #2 was Final Fantasy VI, and #4 was Super Metroid. And I just watched a playthrough of Super Metroid basically on a whim, because it’s a monumental and a great game to play and watch.

And while the segment of the games that I knew to be great and monumental in my absorption of knowing video games was deeply personal and rightly claimed its stake that it deserved its spot, his segment of Tokimeki Memorial never got there. It was almost as if he was deliberately hiding behind something. In the end of 1994 review, Tim pitched an idea about a three hour Earthbound review, which probably was Tim’s idea of floating a departure from Kotaku, which would happen two months later, and I wonder if he was trying to deliberately throw a curveball by making a video of Tokimeki Memorial instead of the promised Earthbound review. This may be a far leap, I admit.

I went back and watched the video about Doom. It was much better in quality and in darkness. I was reminded of Film Crit Hulk’s writing of The World’s End and James Bond, another very long essay that was deeply personal and chapter for easier consumption. Few commenters noticed that Tim Rogers was just doing a dramatic reading of his written reviews on Kotaku and Action Button dot net, and how they liked that approach, and I found myself liking that approach as well. You might believe a video review needs more than just reading an essay out loud, but just the act of reading an essay out loud in the correct intonation and inflection adds ton to experience. And Tim Rogers sounds like he has decades worth of experience to present a dramatic reading of his essay very effectively, much like Hank Green.

I continued scaling the mountain to my goal. I went through his review of Pac-Man and was delighted by his reading of Namco games, and was impressed by the opening sequence, and just generally enjoyed it. I was getting excited to set a day aside and let the six hour review of Tokimeki Memorial watch over me and reduce me to dust.

And it sure did. That six hours was a harrowing experience. What Tim Rogers is best at is telling a story, and so to go through a let’s play was a wish I never made, fulfilled. In the end, I was left with nothing and everything. It was like finishing a really good book.

I wanted to watch it again, then again I never wanted to watch it again. It was almost a traumatic experience. Tim talked about there being endless variation of love, and the love Tim Rogers went through was not the fluffy yet melancholic one that I craved, but one akin to a devotion of an eldritch god. Love made in justification for one’s efforts in attending and maintaining a relationship. A love stronger than most kinds of love, but most draining and taxing as well. Tim Roger’s synopsis of Tennis Monster reminded me of Asking for It by Louise O’Neill, which is also about empathizing a quite hateable character because we kind of have to. Apparently one person knows the full plot because Tim Rogers rambled on about it as he was couch surfing in his house, and unbelieve as it usually is, I fully trust that the commenter is telling the truth.

I was like a heroin addict, who really wanted a different hit, like talking to friends or hiking, my mother wanted me to go hiking with her, and I didn’t because, after the pandemic started, all I wanted to be was inside. Outside felt diseased. The air outside felt contaminated to me, hard to breathe. I was stuck in this place.

Tim Rogers is an exceptional figure. He seems to be a movie protagonist, he reminds me of The Librarian, played by Noah Wyle. Tim has eidetic memory, as he has access every single autobiographical memory formed, but not other types of memory. We know that those types of memory are different because of people like Tim and people who are opposite of Tim, someone who has no memories of autobiographical memory but otherwise fine. These people tend to have very few emotions and have a hard time deciding things. Lack of emotions is correlated with difficulty in decision making.

So Tim is the opposite of that, Tim is full of emotions, complex emotions and he can make decisions and carry it out in a snap. He would be good at school, and he was, but he would be too focused on his grandeur to be under some authority, which is how he became who he was. His anti-authoritarian nature rings throughout his reviews, highlight the general Generation X vibe that Tim exudes but also the modern socialistic movement of Generation Z, which adds to this odd mix of old and new.

Not only does Tim have eidetic memory and intense work ethic that he never seems to move away from, therefore making a three hour video masterpiece at a clip that seems unbelievable for a seasoned viewer, he also has exceptional skills in fast math and language, he seems to be at least familiar with dozens of languages, and of course Tim’s experience is bounded by his decade of living in Japan.

I think this is why Tim naturally gravitates towards video games. When Tim says ‘welcome to video games’ there’s a natural supposition that Tim Rogers is the protagonist of video games, and I think he is. Tim wants to be in video games, because he needs to be in video games, instead of some almighty god cruelly deciding to plop him into a real life. He should be an video game adaptation of The Librarian and go on world-spanning adventure and romance impossibly beautiful girls instead of toiling the grime of what real life portends to. His life is dramatic, but impossibly mundane as well. It’s a simulacrum of a movie or a video game, which is pretty cool on its own.

But of course Tim Rogers isn’t the only part of Action Button Reviews. In the ensuing five videos, Tim Rogers tries to do something. Video games are a wide net. There is so much to video games, something like Gone Home and Geometry Dash are included alongside Wolfenstein The New Colossus and Farmville. What makes a video game? Actually, the more interesting question is, why do we have the term ‘video games’? Why do we put all of this mess into a single category, as if there is some throughline.

Tim Rogers starts to do that. Tim Rogers boldly states that things like Doom and Tokimeki Memorial are intimately connected to each other. And that all video games are in conversation with each other, through deep and complex meta-narratives. Tim Rogers is a cartographer, trying to map out how video games are made whole.

I’ve always strived to be that kind of a cartographer, to showcase the weave of reality, of connecting two seemingly unconnected parts, and showing to a profound implication both existing, instead of one or the other. If you don’t know, I have been trying to write something out of my current obsession with Virtual YouTubers, and mostly Hololive, and while I think I stumbled upon the six hour video review of Tokimeki Memorial outside of my interest in virtual YouTubers, this video, as I expected in the back of my head, gave me plenty of thoughts about Hololive. Its rumination of cyberpunk and idol culture is so directly connected with the peculiarities of Hololive that I was quite astounded.

From the very beginning, I wonder how Tim Rogers thinks about Hololive, especially after he has done that six hour review. I’m sure he will have a lot of interesting thoughts about the prospect. I want to get in contact with him, maybe work under him. But then I don’t want to hang out with him. I want to be near him as he talks to a crowd at a party, but I don’t feel safe to be near him when there’s less than ten people nearby. I think below ten, I would be swept in some danger that I won’t be prepared for.

Tim Rogers and Action Button Review is a fascinating review series and if you have the time, I suggest you should take the journey. It’s well worth it, just to get a different perspective on video games and the world around it.

[th3okamid3monart]

Ya no estoy aquí, another take on immigrant stories.

(This will have SPOILERS for Ya no estoy aqui, I recommend watching it first. It is very touching and heavy tale of belonging and loneliness) 

Sinopsis:

Ulises takes is the leader of the cumbia loving group Terkos in Monterrey, Mexico. But when he gets involve on a gang related accident he has to leave his home so his family and him can be safe, taking up a new home in the distant city of New York.  

Writing-Directing-Acting

This piece of media was one of the best made in Mexico so far. Mexico has been growing in the production and creation of different movies which resonate with a diverse of groups. This time it was the turn of one of the most negated states and music genre ever.

Ya no estoy aqui has a well done balance in the writing, expressing and pointing out different subjects that plague the world; from immigration to corruption, from cultural sub groups to violent gangs and, in the background, the injustices a society faces when they are being neglected by the government or the violence has grown into an out of control normality.

The point of view we follow is from Ulises how he works around and moves to survive, but we can also see how the people around him reacts like the ones he left behind in Monterrey, how their lives have changed so much due to him being away and how the situation in his city is changing.

We can also see the point of view of other people who are in the same situation as Ulises, although they’re not face with as much difficulty as him due to knowing the language.

It explores how the mindset changes, how the characters experience life in the new places and how those places change them. It brings up the hardships of being an immigrant and how awfully homesick they feel, and yet we can also see how those people can act so harshly between each other, respectively how 3 of the tertiary characters treated Ulises just for the way he looked. It’s very clear they are from Mexico as well, it shows how people in general can treat each other as bad if not worse than people from a different country.

Ulises is a very well made character, it shows he is a whole person with feelings, hardships and desires. The actor, Juan Daniel García Treviño, makes a great job by showing the difference between him living in his home, being happy, bright and engaging, and living in big city, where he begins to act isolated, serious and having little to nothing of humor. The change of tendencies and attitudes can be quite hard, since you’re told you need to practically change the character. You need to change who you are. That’s exactly what happens to the character and Juan Daniel does is amazingly.

The idea of being ripped away from your home, your family, your culture and being thrown into the shark tank that is, not only other country, but the most violent and cynical city in the whole country (fighting for the 1st place is Los Angeles and Texas in my inexpert opinion).

There were some odd acting moments, mostly during the group parts where Ulises is with the Terkos. And curiously, it’s not the dancing parts. It’s their interactions at times, they are a bit stiff and awkward. There are other shots where they are seen laughing and playing, and those look very natural. Maybe those shots were the first one they were doing.

The director Fernando Frias understands the importance of belonging somewhere. The whole film is about that and you can perceive it everywhere the character goes. The concept is a very important and powerful one among the sentiments of loneliness and sadness which are used as well.

Seeing the character struggle in a world that he doesn’t fit in, that he doesn’t feel its home is the main and most important thing everyone can relate to. Even if you aren’t an immigrant, you can understand how awful feeling alone and feeling an absence or emptiness in your being can feel. We can sympathize with that and maybe get a more understanding view of the people surrounding us. We only want to be understood, we only want to be seen as part of something or somewhere where one can be themselves without being a mocking or something.  

Photography

Amazing shots by Damian Garcia. Another work I’ve seen from his is La vida Precoz y Breve de Sabina Rivas. Between this two you can see he tends to work with darkness, not all the time just very commonly. And he does it VERY well. People have a bad habit of underexposing their scenes, to the point of ABSOLUTE DARKNESS (I’m looking at you, fucking USA horror movies that only woRK ON FUCKING BLUES AND GRAY TONES AS WELL MY GO-). Mr. Garcia does it perfectly and balanced, you can see the silouttes in the dark, you can see the movement.

The shots are very active, by this I mean they are sequence shots. Sequence shots follow the character around, there are also zoom outs and zoom ins mostly used in the flashbacks, which makes it have a more nostalgic feeling. There’s a specific shot where Ulises is dancing with los Terkos and the camera zooms out to make the shot a perfect square, showing them in the center while the rest of the screen is in almost pitch black. That scene is perfect, it doesn’t need a slow mo, it doesn’t need music, and it only needs the energy, the laughs, and the music coming from the radio to give us what Ulises want.

The colors are balanced, not oversaturated but still bright enough. When it comes to viewing cities and towns, photographers tend to use a very cliché color scheme. For a city like New York it’s always kind of red, grey and blue tones that can also look very opaque, meanwhile for Mexican towns, they always use the yellowish, orange tones. One can get very tired of those you know? Which is why I’m very happy to observe this photography specially coming from a Mexican. There are very amazing photographers and Mr. Garcia will go even bigger soon with his amazing work.

Sound

Awesome work, capturing the essence of what the parties and dance spots sound and feel like is a complex thing to do. Not many manage to capture something that isn’t describe as only noise. It is an experience, it’s something you feel not only hear. The music is a very important part in this movie so the way it is listened from radios, the transition from being in the plane of the character and then to a type of score, while also giving us the personal taste of Ulises is a well done edited piece.

Yuri Laguna has done a lot of works, I don’t personally know many but I did get a very good experience with this movies sound, music and effects. The sound effects sounded like something for the movie and not taken from somewhere else and sounded exactly where they are intended to do so. From the foot-steps to the mumbles between characters when they are inside a store.

I really like the scene where Ulises is at a store and he is about to buy a speaker that reminds him of his home. You can hear the boss and Ulises talking and making hand signs but you can’t understand what they are saying. It’s a little detail I really enjoy. I will have to keep an open ear for any other work of Mr. Laguna

Make up, Art and Costume design 

I don’t even know where to start. I’m very sure most of the places they went to are the real ones, so scouting was done very, very well and amazing to get those lovely and breathtaking shots from a high place. But the makeup?? The clothes? THE SPACES? They entire art department did so well! There are so many details that can tell you about the characters. This is what is called subtle storytelling. The scenes that stick a lot to me were the ones that took place in the home of one of Ulises friends. The whole room is dark, and her and her family are watching TV. They have anguish in their faces, and when the shot is flipped to see their backs, you can see 2 things: her phone ringing, because Ulises is trying to contact her, and the TV. Now the one thing that could caught your eye would be the phone BUT the TV has more information for you, which is how Monterrey is having not only an increase of gangs but also an increase of poverty and police violence.

The clothes are very distinguish, I don’t know much about many sub-groups. I didn’t heard of Kolombia before this movie so this is a nice look into the culture that has been popular over there. The main actor is actually from the state so maybe the costume design team got a little info from him and obviously do their own investigation. The clothing’s pop a lot, mostly due to the style (very big and long shirts and pant, and the signature white shoes of los Terkos). The hairstyle is what you would get at first sight though, it being so obviously made by the own character.

In our own modism: Se la rifaron.

I have seen very detailed works, and this one didn’t go underappreciated since the people who work in it got a nomination for an Ariel (the most prestigious Mexican film prize).

Custom design: Magdalena de la Riva y Gabriela Fernández

Make up: María Elena López y Itzel Peña García

Art design: Taísa Malouf Rodrigues y Gino Fortebuono

I didn’t found more info about this people but I’m sure they will go far if they keep up their amazing work.

Editing

I’m pretty sure the final product is what the director intended. It has clean transitions and well done jump cuts, although I think they used a lot of black ins I think the rest is fine. You don’t need to do super specific or out of the box editing when it comes to a solid story that is intended to be realistic. The pace is good and going back and forward between the flashbacks and the present gives you a more dynamic story. There are some confusing points when it comes to the dream sequences, but I think that’s mostly the point of those. The character would get into points he can’t differentiate what’s real and what’s fake. His desires are interfering with his present to the point of confusion.

Editor: Yibrán Asaud and Fernando Frias.

Conclusion

Immigration is an overused theme, a very well-known subject and a problem that has been happening for years. Problem that hasn’t been fix, if countries were at least trying to fix the problems there wouldn’t have to be so many people putting their lives in danger to travel to a safer place. Then again, people have the power and sometimes power corrupts the person (which is why I think a lot of gangs exist too). Even though it is an overused them, many writers and directors have tried to make compelling stories and characters so the subject is not only forgotten but also inspiring for the people to help others, to sympathize and to understand this people.

Ulises is not a 100% good person, nor a bad person, he is a kid who just wants to spend time with his friends and have fun while doing listening to something he loves and feels a connection with.

Another story of immigration that I really enjoy is Guten Tag, Ramon but that story is way to idealistic, while Ya no estoy aqui is more realistic. There’s also La jaula de Oro but that has a very, very dark ending, realistic non the less but still with a more pessimistic and hopeless ending. This movie kind of stands in a middle ground, where the character just comes back to a changed home.

I’ve read some people saying this movie doesn’t have a resolution, but I think that’s the point. The resolution is that life doesn’t stop. A movie with an anticlimactic ending is not a bad movie (at least not all the time), it just makes you think.

Ulises returns to his home which has changed. He didn’t had the opportunity to see it change and change with it. He will have to start from 0, it’s like going to New York all over again. Life is about change and sometimes that change can come from us or others. Things will impact you one way or another, and sometimes life goes on without you.

You have to decide what to do when you are faced with harshness. Although this movie is mostly about belonging somewhere, the ending teaches you about decisions and choosing.

Ulises chooses to return home, he chooses home even when his friends have move on from him, even if his family has turned their back on him, he chooses to come back because he missed it there and not all is bad. There’s a lot of bad going, but at least he is home now. At least he is here. (Al menos el está aquí)

Sincerely moved, TOD.

[a-coda]

Advent of Code

As a child, advent calendars always added to the sense of anticipation in the lead up to Christmas. In my day you would be lucky to get a small picture behind each of the doors. These days, children expect chocolates or sweets. My wife has once even had a "Ginvent Calendar", with gin behind each door.

This year I marked Advent by having a go at the "Advent of Code" which has Christmas-themed programming puzzles posted each day. Most days are in two parts, with an easier puzzle followed by a harder one. Traditionally, I've posted a (mostly ignored) programming puzzle to our development team each Christmas. Last year I just recycled one of the Advent of Code puzzles, but this year I suggested we attempt the whole thing. The puzzles are so well thought out, in comparison to my efforts, that it seemed pointless to compete.

In the end, several of the team had a go. Some of the puzzles were harder than others, but I managed to solve them all by Boxing Day. What follows are some personal anecdotes from the various days with some general thoughts at the end. Note that there are some spoilers and the notes won't mean much if you've not done the puzzles. So in this case just skip to the end.

a sum-finder. I implemented the search tree via recursive calls. I drifted into using Python right from the start. It just felt like the easiest way to hack the puzzles quickly. In the past I had thought about using the puzzles to learn a new language. A colleague had done that with Rust in a previous year. Despite these good intentions, expediency took a firm hold. That said, in several puzzles I would have liked immutable collections or at least Lisp-style lists.

a pattern counter. Not that interesting except patterns were emerging in the programs themselves. Regular expressions got used a lot to read in the puzzle data. I learnt about things like match.group(1,2,3) which returns a tuple of the first three match groups, so you don't have to write (m.group(1), m.group(2), m.group(3)).

a grid tracer. The first interesting one because it was unfamiliar. Some other patterns started emerging: problem parameters got promoted to command line arguments, and data structure printers got hacked to help debugging. These two were often added between part 1 and part 2 of each problem.

a data validator. This felt like a bit of a slog. It was mostly about capturing the validation rules as code. Even though I made a point of reminding myself at the start that re.search doesn't match the whole string I still forgot it later. Duh.

an indexing problem. I patted myself on the back for realizing that the index was a binary number (or pair of binary numbers as I did it). At this point the solutions were still neat and I would do a little code golfing after the solution to tidy them up a bit and make them more concise.

another pattern counter. Pre-calculating some things during data reading kept the later code simple.

a recursive calculator. This was one of those puzzles where I had to reread the description several times to try and understand what it was asking for. It entailed a slightly tricky recursive sum and product, which was again made easier by creating more supporting data structures while reading the input data.

an interpreter. Probably my favourite individual puzzle because it was so sweet, especially after a bit of refactoring to make the language more data-driven.

another sum-finder. I found I didn't particularly like these.

an order-finder. This was the first one that made me pause for thought. An overly naive search algorithm from part 1 hit a computational complexity wall in part 2. I beat the problem by realizing that the search only had to be done on small islands of the data, but a colleague pointed out there was a better linear solution. The code was starting to get a bit ragged, with commented out debugging statements.

the game of life. The classic simulation but with some out-of-bounds spaces and some line-of-sight rules. It helped to print the board.

a map navigator. I liked this one even though I forgot to convert degrees to radians and that rotation matrices go anti-clockwise. I even introduced an abstract data type (ADT) to see if it would simplify the code (I'm not sure it ever did - I mostly used lists, tuples, strings, and numbers). The second parts of the puzzles were starting to get their own files now (usually bootstrapped by copying and pasting the first part's file).

a prime number theorem. I actually got stalled on this one for a bit. It eventually turned out I had a bug in the code and was missing a modulus. In effect I wasn't accounting for small primes far to the right. I left the puzzle and went on to complete a couple of others before coming back to this one. I checked what I was doing by Googling for hints, but in the end I had to take a long hard look at the data and find my own bug.

some bit twiddling. Part 1 felt like I found the expected bitwise operations, but part 2 felt like I was bashing square pegs into round holes.

a number sequence problem. Another pat on the back, this time for keeping a dictionary of recent occurrences and not searching back down the list of numbers each time. Another recurring pattern is evident: running a sequence of steps over the data. I liked to code the step as its own function.

a constraint solver. A nice one about labelling fields that satisfy the known constraints. Half the code was parsing the textual rules into data.

another game of life simulation. This time it was in more dimensions. I generalized from 3 dimensions to N instead of just doing 4. This made it more of a drag. I started naming auxiliary functions with placeholder names (social services should have been called). Also, I tacked on extra space along each dimension to make room at each step. This felt very ugly. I should have used a sparser representation like I did for day 24.

an expression evaluator. I used another actual ADT and wrote a simple but horrible tokenizer. The evaluator was okay but I hacked the precedence by inserting parentheses into the token stream. Don't try this at home kids.

another pattern matcher. Probably my biggest hack. My code compiled the pattern rules into a single regular expression. This was cute but meant the recursive rules in part 2 needed special treatment. One rule just compiled into a repeated pattern with +. Unfortunately, the other rule entailed matching balanced sub-patterns, which every schoolchild knows regular languages can't do. Perhaps some recursive pattern extensions might have worked, but I assumed there would be no more than 10 elements of the sub-patterns and compiled the rule into a large alternative of the possible symmetrical matchers. Yuck.

a map assembler. I did this one the most methodically. It had proper comments and unit tests. Overall it took the most code but perhaps it was just dealing with all the edge cases (ba dum tss). But seriously, it seemed to take a lot of code for rotating and flipping the tiles even after knowing how they must be connected. So probably there was a better approach. It was still satisfying the see the answer come out after all that work. Curiously, this one involved little debugging. I wonder if perhaps there is some connection between preparation and outcome?

a constraint solver. I tried a dumb approach first based on searching all the possible bindings. That didn't look like it was terminating any time soon. So I reverted to a previously successful technique of intersecting the associations and then then refining them based on the already unique ones.

a recursive card game. This card game playing puzzle seemed to be going okay, but the real data didn't converge for part 2. Had a quick Google for a hint after battling with it for a while, and the first hit was from someone who said they'd misread the question. Sure enough I had too. My recursive games were on the whole deck instead of the part dictated by the cards played. Duh. The description was clear enough and included a whole worked game. I just hadn't read it properly. It still seemed to need some game state memoization to run tolerably fast.

a circular sequence. Took three attempts. A brute force approach using an array was good enough for part 1, but no way was it going to work on part 2. Even optimizing it to use ranges was still 'non-terminating' for the array-based solution. So I Googled for a little inspiration and found the phrase "linked lists" and slapped my forehead hard. I switched to a dictionary of labels to labels and the solution popped out very easily, without any further optimization. Embarrassing. Was it time to ceremonially hand in my Lisp symbol and fall on a sharpened parenthesis?

another game of life. This one sounded neat because it was about a hex grid, but I didn't know how hex grids are usually indexed. So for the first time I did a little bit of general research at the start. Turns out there are a bunch of ways to index a hex grid. I opted for using 3-axes as that seemed natural despite the redundancy. The map itself was just a dictionary of locations. I should have looked up how to have structured dictionary keys in Python (implement __hash__) but I couldn't be bothered so I (look away now) serialized and deserialized the locations to and from strings. I still had a bug which I couldn't find until I hacked a crude hex board printer and realized I wasn't carrying the unchanged cells over from one iteration to the next.

a cryptographic puzzle. Came out quite short but only after some faffing around. Main trick seemed to be to keep the transformation ticking along instead of recalculating it from scratch each time. There was slight disappointment (tinged with relief) that there was no part 2.

Some general lessons I felt I (re)learned:

Read the questions very carefully, then reread them.

Try and use terms from the questions. Don't invent your own terminology and then have to map back and forth.

Make the trace output exactly like the examples to help comparison.

Next time I'd consider using BDD to turn their examples directly into tests. Next time.

Try the problem for a while by yourself, then think about it offline, and only then Google for hints.

Next time I'd consider using some form of source control from the start, or just a better set of file naming conventions.

Regular expressions go a long way, but can then they can get in the way.

Next time I'll consider doing it using a language I'm learning.

Sometimes when you get stuck you have to start again.

During some low moments it all felt like make-work that I'd inflicted on myself, but in the end it was a nice set of training exercises. I'd encourage others to have a go at their leisure.

"Practice is the best of all instructors." -- Publilius Syrus

[thegoodtailor]

Since I’ve been mostly offline since mid-May, I’ve been wanting to give a Summer 2020 update on how I’ve been coping. The biggest change is education, I’ve absolutely thrown myself into it.📚

Getting the “heavy” out of the way first. My GP continues to petition my insurance, but Medicaid and COVID-19 have been a double punch and I’m still not getting referrals through. I’ve been housebound since June 2019… I can barely remember a time when I wasn’t struggling to make it through the day. There’s just nothing I can say.   

I should probably add that there’s also been a 60% increase in COVID-19 cases in my county in the last two weeks, so it’s just a terrible time to try and get treatment. 

After a year of this, I’m finding it extremely difficult to talk about my health. It’s just been too much, for too long, you know? It’s 24/7 for me. I try and bury the panic as much as possible, but it’s always waiting at the edges of my mind. I have to willfully stop thinking about the pain, or any of the symptoms, or I feel like I’m going to loose it.

For obvious reasons, my mental health has really suffered this last year. I’ve a cousin who recently took her life while in quarantine and it’s made me hyper aware of the cliff’s edge. The last 16 years have been a stupidly long sequence of traumatic events. I haven’t had a chance to be a normal teenager or young adult. It’s been one blow after another after another after another. I’ve no idea what it’s like to feel safe or live outside of a toxic environment. Like anyone who’s experienced stuff like this, there are triggers that are left behind. Like emotional landmines. In the past, I could handle them and find ways to navigate them. Now… it’s like everything is setting me off. A smell, a taste, a sound, an image. It’s like I’m made out of sugar glass.

This is the major reason why I’ve not been around since mid-May. I can not handle the amount of suffering I’m seeing, because I’ve had no escape from my own. It breaks me. There’ll be a time when I can stand up and take action, but right now, I need to heal.

Putting all that aside, I’m going to share the positive things I’ve been doing to help me cope:

Because pain/stress makes it hard for me to sleep, I tend to begin my day at 3am. I’ve a strict hour-to-hour routine to keep pain levels stable and manage the gastroparesis-like symptoms. My meals are pureed mush (protein/veg/whole grain) and simple carbs (fruit, crackers, cookies, etc). My stomach can only handle a limited volume every 5 hours, so everything must be carefully measured. I’ve developed my own DIY physiotherapy. 30min every day. My weight is stable at 94lbs. 

Being able to manage symptoms has also meant I’m better able to care of my mom. It was terrifying to be critically ill, unable to care for myself, and thus unable to help her. Without a support system, everything is like dominos. I couldn’t even go to the ER because I was afraid of leaving her on her own. 

It took months of effort, but finally getting strong enough to take Brawn (my dog) for short walks has been an absolute blessing. He’s looking so much more healthy and happy. A proper bouncy pup again. I swear, I was beating myself up for year because I couldn’t care for him. It just ate me up.

Which finally brings me to the main point of this post… 

I’m doin’ SUMMER SCHOOL.🥳 Well, my own variation of it. It’s a long, complicated history, and one that I’ll fully tell at a later date, but I missed out on my 1-4 grade education and jumped into 5th grade with only what I’d picked up from Montessori pre-school. I then did 5-7th grade and subsequently dropped out of High School during my first year (visual deterioration amongst other factors). I’m not unintelligent, but I’m ridiculously uneducated. Do I know what an adverb is? Do I know my times tables? No, but Shakespeare comes as second nature to me and I can play a fair game of chess. 

When I was in school, there wasn’t much awareness of issues like dyslexia or autism. Just learning to read was a Herculean journey. I couldn’t hold letters or numbers in my mind… or even my mother’s face. So many small details adding up. I missed out on so much because I couldn’t understand what was being taught to me. When I got home, I felt like I had to translate everything back into a language I could understand. It was exhausting and frustrating. 

So here I am. Very sick and sleep deprived, but absolutely determined to learn. I desperately needed distraction, something I could throw myself into, and I finally found it. I’m now surrounded by middle school workbooks and watching short lectures on Khan Academy and YouTube. I’m getting an education in my own fashion. 💪

“My dearest coz, I pray you school yourself.”

— Macbeth (Act IV, Scene III), William Shakespeare. 

~ Cóz 

[kirbopher]

I went to see the "Mewtwo Strikes Back: Evolution" premiere at Anime-Expo!

Hey, everyone! I just returned from Anime-Expo where I was lucky enough to've seen the world premiere of the 22nd Pokemon film, Mewtwo Strikes Back: Evolution. Wanted to share some of my experiences on it!

I'll start with some information about the event, before going into details on the movie itself. First of all, this was (as far as I understand) the very first time any Japanese-language with English-subtitled Pokemon animation has been officially (and legally) released in North America (and possibly outside of Japan in general?) so I wanted to make sure I attended this pretty momentous occasion. The event itself was handled very well by the staff and there was a great bilingual host who oversaw the whole thing and really hyped up the audience. After the film screening was finished, the three related guests of honor, Kunihiko Yuyama (co-animation director), Motonori Sakakibara, (co-animation director) and Rica Matsumoto (Japanese voice actress of Satoshi/Ash) were brought to the stage to answer a few prepared questions and audience questions. Afterward, Rica Matsumoto performed "Mezase Pokemon Master" live for the audience, which was an absolute treat. Finally, after the reveal of Armored Mewtwo's upcoming appearance in Pokemon Go, we took a "family photo" with a mascot Pikachu making an appearance! The whole thing was a total blast.

Some key points involving the Q&A session:

Rica Matsumoto was in particular very excited to visit LA, especially because she had worked on the Japanese dub for Beverly Hills 90210 and got to visit the real location after wanting to for so long! In addition, she was so taken aback by the audience's enthusiasm for "Satoshi", knowing how they were far more familiar with "Ash", but felt a strong connection to them through the character and Pokemon in general. The two animation co-directors Mr. Sakakibara and Mr. Yuyama shared similar comments, being blown away by the audience's emotional reaction. The screening also gave them major nostalgic flashbacks to first working on the original over 20 years ago. They were also so grateful.

I was fortunate enough to be chosen to ask the first of the three audience questions. First, I thanked them for giving us the opportunity to see this film in its original language with subtitles, as this was a tremendous honor to begin with. After mentioning that the American fandom was very appreciative for the English dubbed version of the TV series and movies, I asked if they would be able to give us any other future opportunities to see ANY other Japanese-language Pokemon animation down the line. Mr. Yuyama said they have plans, with Rica Matsumoto following with "Count on it!!" Nothing further than that, but definitely a good sign!

The next question from the audience asked about a trailer featuring footage involving what appeared to be an older version of Misty, why it was cut and what its involvement was to the movie's early stages of development. Mr. Yuyama simply responded with (paraphrasing, here) "While that was meant to show the image of an adult, the character in question was not actually an older version of Misty. The haircut is very similar though, I can see why you would make that mistake!". Rica Matsumoto adds (again, paraphrasing) "It just goes show that there's so many pretty girls in Pokemon, it's easy to mistake them for each other sometimes!" (Personal note: obviously this is sort of 'dodging the actual question', but it's likely they either weren't allowed to go into detail as to what that early trailer was all about, or possibly forgot about the details since it had been so long ago.)

The final audience question asked about what led to the decision to re-do the original film with CG animation. Mr. Sakakibara mentioned that they had wanted to do a CG Animated Pokemon film for a long time, but thanks to the collaboration with the 3D animation studio they worked with (I've forgotten the studio's name unfortunately, sorry!) they were able to finally make it happen. They chose Mewtwo Strikes Back as the experiment piece in order to try pushing the original character animation even further with the expressiveness and emotion.

I'm sure fans of her know this already, but Rica Matsumoto is an absolute ROCK STAR on stage. She loved teasing the audience and getting them amped up, commanding us to get louder and louder! "When I say 'Pokemon', you say 'Getto da ze!'" was a real highlight. To her, "Mezase Pokemon Master" is THE defining Pokemon song.

Next, I'll talk about the film itself. To those of you who don't want to be potentially spoiled on some of the differences between this and the original movie, skip this part!

The subtitle track for the film used all of the official English names of all characters, including the humans, Pokemon creatures, attack names, locations and even the nicknames of the guest characters' starters ("Bruteroot" and "Shellshocker"). For the most part, the translation was very close to the original Japanese dialogue, but there were definitely a few liberties taken at times. Team Rocket's motto was changed to reflect the English adaptation ("Prepare for trouble and make it double" etc.) along with referring to Ash/Satoshi as "Twerp" (instead of "JARI-BOY!"). There was also a very obvious 'joke' on the translator's part involving a new scene where Brock/Takeshi hits on Neesha/Sweet, proclaiming something about his "jelly donuts" (ending in the ol' Misty-dragging-him-away-by-the-ear gag). As this scene had completely new dialogue, I wouldn't be able to cross-check whatever the 100% accurate translation would be off-hand. A couple other liberties taken (in a way), were that certain lines throughout the movie were word-for-word 'translated' as lines from the original English dub of Pokemon: The First Movie. Thankfully these were rare, but one that definitely sticks out was the "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you DO with the gift of life, that determines who you are." at the film's climax. Lastly, Mewtwo's words asking "Was I created by God?" and the scientists' response, were adapted in the subtitles as "Was I created by nature?". (Personal note: Likely this was to avoid flat-out religious references.)

The film begins with Dr. Fuji and his crew retrieving the Mew fossil from the ancient ruins. The "Birth of Mewtwo" sequence involving Amber/Ai is NOT included in this version of the story; the following scene leads directly into Mewtwo's awakening in the tube, to which the movie plays out as you remember it.

Dr. Fuji's laboratory is tremendously redesigned, but the same events transpire.

Mewtwo's armor is, as you've noticed, also fully re-designed. We see many re-directed (in terms of cinematography) scenes from the sequence of his servitude to Giovanni/Sakaki, including Gary/Shigeru's from-behind cameo. The main element of difference in the armor's usage is, just before blowing up the Team Rocket base upon defying Giovanni, it transforms into a binding 'prison' sort of state, to keep Mewtwo confined if he ever fought back...of course, he breaks it easily and flies off, just as before.

The first sequence where we see Ash, Misty/Kasumi and Brock starts a little earlier than in the original, showing Ash more excited and offering to help set up the table for lunch. It then cuts to slightly later where he's tired and slumped over the table. The Pirate Trainer "Raymond" appears again (still with all his glorious Engrish), now with a slight redesign involving bigger hair and the theme song battle sequence plays out. Worth noting, during the 3-on-1 against Pikachu, his Golem is replaced with a Drowzee. (Personal note: Likely to circumvent the "Thunderbolt should be ineffective against a Ground-type" argument.) We also see glimpses of Mewtwo and the mind-controlled Nurse Joy viewing the battle. Just before Dragonite shows up to deliver the invitation, we also see a bit of the gang's other Pokemon used in the movie: Vulpix, Psyduck, Squirtle, Bulbasaur and Charizard, eating Pokemon food.

LOTS more trainers in the dock scene. The pier master Miranda/Voyager actually speaks of Wingulls showing signs of how bad the storm is, warning everyone again. We see a few more trainers attempt to travel to New Island, including one who tries Surfing on their Kingler and another who is carried by their Scyther...neither of them make it, along with whoever tried flying with their Fearow like in the original. RIP.

The Vikings-the-mostly-live-in-Minnesota are replaced with an equally-funny costume theme of the Team Rocket trio as some tourist-trap sailors utilizing a Lapras-shaped ferry service. Brock comments on how conveniently they showed up and they all get on. We then get a very Disneyland 3D Attraction-style sequence of the two trios riding through the storm before it crashes and Misty sends out Staryu to try and save the day. Another extended sequence of Ash, Misty and Brock clinging for dear life to Staryu plays out, including a really gorgeous orchestral arrangement of...the Sun & Moon Wild Pokemon Battle theme, of all things!

Ash and the others meet the other guest trainers. This is where the short added scene of Brock hitting on Neesha is added.

In general, while the grand majority of the things that happen in each scene are the same as they are in the original, a lot of the animation is expanded upon and really pushed in terms of expressiveness. Often this makes them longer than how they were before, but it's definitely paced out properly to fit with the adjustments they made.

The battle arena sequence plays out and all 3 of the battles between Venusaur, Blastoise and Charizard Vs. their super-clones are extended with new fight choreography and additional attack exchanges, including with later-added techniques like Energy Ball and Leaf Storm. This scene also features a completely new background music track from the one used in the original film (later used quite a bit in the anime).

The sequence of Mewtwo capturing all of the humans' Pokemon plays out, also with new background music as opposed to the original. A few new shots of the trainers trying to guard their Pokemon from being captured are added.

After the super-clones emerge, Mew appears to save Ash from being splattered against a wall, the Pokemon and their clones brutally beat each other, now with new sweeping camera angles and new music instead of the original.

When Ash rejoins Misty and Brock after climbing down from the castle, a few bits of dialogue are slightly played around with, but leads to the same untimely demise. Some new DBZ-esque glow effects are applied to when Ash is struck by the two psychic blasts and his turned-to-stone state is a bit more like crystal. Pikachu trying to Thundershock Ash back to life lingers a bit more, to show the desperation in Pikachu's attempt. When the other Pokemon begin shedding their tears, their actual sounds aren't heard and the scene is silent minus the background music.

The memory erasure happens yet again, sending everyone back to the docks. From just after Ash sees Mew flying in the sky, commenting on it, up through Team Rocket's sign-off on the now-abandoned New Island, the orchestral arrangement of the Pokemon Red & Blue Credits theme plays. For the movie credits, we're treated to a new remix of "Kaze to Isshi Ni" (featuring Shokotan) along with some 2D paintings of Ash, Misty and Brock traveling. One shows a flock of Wingull near the dock area! At the end, we see Mewtwo and the clones flying off to what appears to be Mount Quena from the "Mewtwo Returns" TV special.

Finally, as is always the case, a very short teaser of the "Pokemon 2020" film, showing a 2D-animated Pikachu in the style of the Sun & Moon series.

There might have been some things I missed, but that's everything I could recount! If you have any other questions, I'll try and answer them as best as I can. To anyone else who was there for the screening, feel free to add anything else you like! Overall, highly recommend folks who enjoyed the original Mewtwo Strikes Back movie to go see this when the English version comes out!

[gothamincarnate]

@itsnotpatsy replied to your post “autistics are naturally better writers bc of how we see the world,...”

Heck yeah. I imagine the difference in sensory stuff must be a radical detail to be able to describe.

yeah! the sensory stuff is true, 

but i was mostly talking about... hm, how to word it. it’s a combination of a autistic people having own culture of social cues and trauma that is shared among austistic people.

for example, a lot of autistic people have had to literally learn body language and how to tell sarcasm ect to try to ‘pass’ for non autistic, which means we learn to describe body language differently, we learn to describe other people’s emotions better because we constantly have to process ‘tells’.

examples: look people in the eye, don’t clap your hands softly, if someone has their arms folded it means they’re upset, if someone’s voice is all wobbly it means they’re upset, sometimes a  voice going up and down means sarcasm. this makes it really easy for me to write actions into the scene, it’s more like a puzzle i guess.

oh boy that also ties into the trauma of having to pass, the teaching isn’t always nice and it’s really confusing why all these rules matter-- which makes me more intentional in how i describe body language or other details.

and there is research into mindblindness, where people with autism (im speaking generally here) have trouble like, seeing other people’s perspective? like, if something is happening and someone is upset, my first reaction is ‘i’m not upset, why is this person upset?’ (i respond ‘more appropriately’ now since forcing/faking empathy was drilled into me, which ironically makes me better at understanding a character’s emotions because i have to literally do the same thing to IRL people)

in my writing, or more my reading process (which informs my writing) i will read a book with a really specific & vivid description of a room but i still keep seeing a room i’ve seen in real life that is similar because it’s hard to imagine something wholesale sometimes? so then because i’m constantly having to tie things back into real experiences it makes my writing feel more alive, though it does limit topics i can write about sometimes. (basically Write What You Know but turned up & twisted around)

THEN there’s like, the way we organize things and sort them into categories, so when i write i sort of structure each paragraph into stages to unfold the story. like, that’s basic writing tips, to let a scene unfold in a sequence-- from the floor to the ceiling, from left to right ect, but it’s instinctual to me because of how i’ve processed the world since birth

[gamesception]

Sception reads Cassandra Cain, part 2 - Detective Comics 734

Written by Kelley Puckett, pencils by Damion Scott 

In the first half of ‘Mark of Cain’ we met Cass Cain, got a bit of an idea of who she was as a person, and her relationships with Barbara Gordon and her father David Cain.  It was a relatively down to earth issue, all things considered.  In the second half, we get to see her interact with Bruce and the more costumey-superheroy parts of being a costumed superhero.

The comic picks up with this... super awkward sequence?  Where batman is watching in on a conversation between two face and.. some bizarre character I don’t remember and don’t care to look up who’s working with him, and batman is I guess reading their lips and talking what they’re saying out loud?  And he realizes they’re talking about david cain?  And then he’s at the police building watching cain break in?  At least, I think that’s what happens, because the sequence is super unclear with no transition so at first it looks like cain is spying on dent.  Awkward anyway.

Then we skip from there, again with no transition, to Cass tackling Cain out the window.  They have a moment when they fall that’s also super awkward.  Batman catches cain with a wire, and he catches Cass, and she jumps away from him?  Which?  Why?

Before she jumps away from him there’s these two panels where she sees her own bloody hands with cains face right there, so maybe it’s a ‘better to fall to her death than stay with him and the bloody life he represents?

But yeah, it’s unclear.  Last time there were a couple scenes of just how effective and affecting the non-dialog storytelling with early cass could be, but here we see some of the weaknesses.

Though I do like that first panel there, with Batman directly above/behind Cain, as though the “I’ve got you” is coming from both of them.  Maybe it’s meant to be drawing a direct parallel between them, her bloody hands framing both showing how both father figures would use her to fulfill their own missions & legacies, driving her towards lives that, while their moralities are opposite, are still fundamentally violent in nature.  Or maybe I’m reading too much into it.

So anyway, Cass rejects her father, jumping away, and Batman I guess catches her and takes her to the graveyard where he buried the people two face killed at the start of the last comic, where they argue about which one of them should be responsible for stopping Cain, which, I mean... he was stopped?  I guess he escaped while Batman was saving Cass?  And he could be killing Gordon right now while they argue about it?

But anyway, Cass is like ‘dude’s my dad’ and Bruce is like ‘he’s only here because of Two Face, which makes him my responsibility’

It’s a kind of neat scene, because during the argument Bruce works out Cass’s martial arts gimmick - that Cain raised her without language and trained her to understand martial arts as a language, but he’s adjusts quickly and just sort of has a functional conversation with her regardless.  We also learn that Bruce trained with Cain for a while, so more connections and visual parallels there. 

Bruce & Cass have a little sparring conversation to convey that Cain won’t be convinced to stop short of killing him, that ends with what I think is supposed to be the implication that Bruce is willing to take that step if need be - something super out of character for Batman, but it is something he had been struggling with after Two Face killed those people.  In No Mans Land there are no courts, no prisons, no justice system that he can hand villains over to and absolve himself of responsibility in deciding what to do about them.

So Bruce goes after Cain, who’s set up for another sniper shot on Gordon but is having trouble pulling the trigger because he keeps thinking about Cass.  In the mean time Cass goes after Two face instead, in her own improptu masked outfit:

It’s a badass little scene, albeit quite short, and if stopping Two Face’s was this straight forward you’d think Batman would have done it already.

Regardless, she gets back from Two Face’s place in time to interrupt the fight between Bruce and Cain before it even really has a chance to start:

Tossing out bags of all of Two Face’s money, and coins to boot.  Since Two Face no longer has the money to pay him the contract is basically over, so Cain leaves, after Cass rejects him one more time.

Batman for his part is hugely impressed with Cass, who has found a non-lethal solution to a situation Batman was so sure could only end in killing that he had even convinced himself he was willing to go that far.  This seems to have snapped Bruce out of the hopeless and isolating mindset he’s been in since Two Face killed the people that were under his/Huntress’s protection, really that he’s been suffering from since the start of No Man’s Land, and the comic ends with a scene with Bruce, Babs, & Cass, Barbara thanking Cass for saving her father’s life and Batman asking Barbara to call in the rest of the bat crew for a get together.

At the time pretty much every big bat family arc followed a recurring pattern - something bad would happen, Bruce would respond by isolating himself and pushing his family away, but eventually he would re-learn the lesson that he can’t do everything himself and both his mission and his own mental health depend on him working with his found family.  That’s basically the point we’re at now in No Man’s Land, and as repetitive and formulaic as that pattern is, making Cass’s arrival the turning point works really well.

...

I’m not going to end this with a big summation like I did last time.  There’s not as much to say, the big heavy lifting of Cass’s introduction was done in the previous issue anyway, so it’s mostly stuff I’ve already said.  But overall, still, really good stuff, works well, art’s still mostly good, if with some somewhat unclear sequences.  We do get a bit more of the awkwardness of trying to convey ‘conversations’ where one of the characters can’t talk, though.  It mostly works... but there are some cracks showing.  We also still haven’t established Cass *as* the new Batgirl, but at this point everyone can see where things are going, and I was and am at least pretty darn sold.

[t4tjonmartin]

[alright this time instead of spamming the tags i'm gonna compile all my 3.04 thoughts in one post so that they're easier to ignore lmao]

okay there were definitely water + subtle storm sounds in the beginning of 3.04 along with the usual creaking sounds and?? idk if its just me noticing them for the first time but yeah the penumbra is definitely looking to be a big ship or something

one thing that i have been loving about how the writers approached olala's shapeshifting powers is that her tail (which is mostly the only way we've seen her exercise her powers uptil now) seems to be sentient? or atleast capable of making a noise which olala either understands or imagines as a language. especially given that shes a child its a really cute and fun way to show her interacting + trusting her powers not just as a part of herself but as a companion

the leaves are turning green. she must've escaped the wastes!! also love that in classic olala style her imagination picked up on that detail and is trying to figure what to make of it with her limited knowledge

another thing abt her imagination is the way she's doing the whole "squadron" thing. it seems like she doesn't like being alone, and that could infact be one of the reasons she's so imaginative (apart from the fact that she's. u know. a child)

ohh "top of our tree base" did i hear that right? olala can climb trees? (or....shapeshift to have wings)

me and olala: what do the cards mean WHAT DO THEY MEAN

ABZOWBZJS MARC!!!!!!!!!! MARC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH I MISSED HIM AAAAAAA

omg olala had never met a man before the intruder. she rly thinks all ppl w a low voice are the same person aww

oh no she thinks the monster marc is talking abt is her :'((

OHH shes exercising her powers again!! shes gonna try to scare marc this is not going to go well is it

DINOSAURS???? DINOSAURS????¿¿

DID SHE JUST THROW A MANGO AT MARC SKNDKENDKENDKEN ok ngl sometimes i wanna do that too she: is valid

she literally. grossed out marc into running away. a genius, a prodigy,

though....I'd never known marc to be so particular about this kind of stuff? I'd see that as more of a tal thing especially since marc must be pretty far from the citadel (SPEAKING OF, WHERE IS HE?? :'( until he makes an entrance im gonna imagine hes having a sweet time studying rocks and forests with sir angelo)

wait if olala wanted to lead the "intruder" away from the wastes & she achieved that then why is she following marc? (OOH prediction that while following marc they comes across the actual intruder maybe?)

OH NO OH NO MARC CAUGHT HER IN A TRAP ON NO OMG THEY'RE GOING TO MEET?? FINALLY????

so that's why marc was so quick to run, he was hoping the "monster" would follow? BUT ALSO "i had a mango thrown at my head that's a lot okay!!" MARC U DRAMA QUEEN

how is Marc so casual about finding olala lmao he just casually suggested that she might be a shape-shifter isn't olala supposed to be one of a kind MARC WHAT ARE YOU DOING SJSNSJJSJS

i like how they showed marc's conflict, i was hoping for that but again arises the question: WHY IS HE HUNTING ALONE? did he and tal have a fight?? :(( or does he like routinely hunt alone and we just never heard abt it sldjsknsks

MARC FIGHT SEQUENCE YES AND HES TRYING TO SAVE OLALA TOO AWWW YESS

LOVE this background music

olala just??? MELTED?????? "oh! i forgot i could do that." I'M AKSNSKSNKS

marc is having a Really Tough Time rn you all

I'm saying it first here marc is going to adopt olala

AW MARC SHOWED OFF HIS ENGINEERING SKILLS TO OLALA AND OLALA LOVES HIM

congratulations on becoming a dad marc

(or a big brother idk how old marc actually is but he must be in his late 20s-early 30s??)

DINO-MITE I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

OK TIME FOR OLALA AND MARC PARALLELS: marc talks to his horse (whom he is almost constantly attached to and sees as a companion) and olala talks to her tail (whom she is almost constantly attached to and sees as a companion), both have a unique "gift" in the sense that marc seems to be one of the few (if not the only one, and definitely the best) inventors/engineers in the second citadel and olala is a shape-shifter, PLUS they're both amazed by these particular facets of each other, AND they both like to think out loud (often talking to their horse/tail while they do so)

aw she's crying YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW marc's decided there and then to help her uwu

hes talking so softly with olala im not crying you're crying

MARC WAS REALLY ABOUT TO SAY NOT ALL MEN HE WAS REALLY ABOUT TO GO THERE HUH

aww olala was willing to sacrifice the first friend she met because she cared about finding help for the sisters more IM JUST SO. SOFT SHES SUCH A BRAVE KID BLEASE

MARC WAS KNIGHTED????? HES A KNIGHT NOW OH MY GODDDD OH . MY GODDDD IM GONNA CRY IM GONNA FUCKIGN SOB ITS WHAT HE DESERVES IM SO HAPPY

this also explains why he was out alone i guess? queen mira does often send one knight alone to investigate and maybe tal stuck to his decision of not wanting to become a knight? hmm

awwwwwww marc is telling her a bedtime story? MY HEART

OH WE'RE GETTING TO KNOW MORE ABT MARC AND THE CITADEL TOO!!!! he's from the craftsman quarters hmm

ahahaa hes right to be afraid of what caroline might think of the both of them

that line about stories.......man just hold on a second

marc talking abt the queen,,, someone drank his respecting women juice

ohhh ohhohoohhh. she's decided to meet the queen oh my

IS THAT THE INTRUDER? WHAT DID HE DO WITH THE OLD MAN??

he calls himself the kite???? HES RAIDING A VILLAGE. ALONE??

he rly has a thing for birds huh

he sounds like he wears cowboy boots tbh. something that's like jingling when he walks?

oHHH hes gonna send a letter to the queen . oh that's not good

the ending sounds of the penumbra also had rain sounds. WHAT DOES IT MEANNN

ending thoughts: I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

like, where's the intruder and how did he find out about olala in the first place and what does he want from her? what is the nature and extent of olala's powers and how does it work and what are its limitations? why did the writers choose marc to be the first person to meet olala?

[paulineguillouzichnd1]

Artisan

Overview of the project:

I have chose to do a video on Freedom Bakery, that is a “Social Enterprise” based in Glasgow. They are making bread and pastries and are working with a lot of restaurants in Glasgow but also some shops (Locavore in the Southside for instance).

Freedom Bakery is also linked to the Progressive prisoner rehabilitation schemes and is working with several people who haven’t been released yet.

“By teaching new skills, from baking to logistics, Freedom Bakery rebuilds confidence and hopefulness before prisoners are released. “

As a teacher, and a French person, I was also curious and interested myself in seeing how bread is made, and also share this experience with people.

I wanted to show both the working conditions (physical work, working time that are different from usual jobs, fast pace) but also the conviviality of the place and people working there.

I got in touch with them by email and phoning them. I had to explain what I was doing, what for and who for.

I then went for a Recee, and asked permission to employers and employees to video/take pictures of them. It’s illegal to take pictures of people who haven’t been released from prison, so I made sure I had a conversion with these people in particular and was careful of not having any shot/clip of them.

Website: https://www.freedombakery.org/

Address: Unit E5 Rosemount Business Park 145 Charles Street Glasgow G21 2QA

Phone number:  +44 (0)141 328 7886

Contact: Scott, scott@freedombakery.org 

Cinematographic techniques:

Extreme long shot (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRD7f2Wo0CM)

The extreme long shot captures a very wide area to show the scale of subjects in relation to their environment, like tiny birds in a forest. Whether it is the desert or outer space, the audience should get a feel for the time and the place they are about to spend the next few minutes. It is typically used as an establishing shot when changing from one big area or city to another

Bird’s eye shot (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWMueRbVLvk)

Like the extreme long shot, the bird’s eye shot shows massive scale but from a much higher angle, to the point where land starts to show abstract shapes and lines out of roads, buildings, and trees. It is also typically used as an establishing shot for introductions and scene transitions.

Long shot

A wide shot, often referred to as a long shot, puts characters in context to the backdrop you establish in an extreme wide shot. The characters can be seen from head to toe and you see them in relation to the location or each other. You can use a wide shot to show how your character is small in relation to the vast surroundings. When the term long shot is emphasized, it can mean that the camera is farther away from the subject, making them even smaller. It gives the audience a sense of geography so when the camera goes in tighter, they can understand who is where.

Full shot

A full shot is different from the wide because it focuses more on the character in the frame. The character is full body from head to toe again, but the location is no longer the focus. In this shot you might want to show how a character dresses or how a character moves: awkwardly, confidently, etc. You can also reveal what they are doing, like packing a suitcase or ordering a train ticket. You can give the viewer information but not all of it, yet.

Medium Shot

The medium shot shows your character from the waist up. In the old westerns, the character was often shown from the hip up which is now known as a cowboy shot. Again, this shot is about revealing information. You can see more detail than you can in a wide shot. The reason the westerns had to reveal the hips is because of the gun holsters. If you didn’t show the hips, when a cowboy was ready to draw you would lose a lot of important action.

Medium shots are often used in dialog scenes. As we get closer to our subjects we can see things that we wouldn’t catch in a wide, like body language. We can see crossed arms or someone who talks with their hands.

Close-up shot

A close-up frames the character’s face. In a close-up shot one can see even more detail that tells us how a character feels. A close-up highlights emotional clues in the eyes and you can see a twitch or a tear that you might miss in a medium shot. It is by its nature more intimate so the effect is often that the audience can feel what the character is feeling.

A close-up can also be used to show things such as a tapping foot or the sliding of a ring on a finger.

Extreme close-up shot

An extreme close-up frames even tighter on a face (or subject), highlighting facial features more. It usually frames a particular part of the face like the eyes or the mouth. It is even more intimate than the close-up and is almost uncomfortably close, so the viewer is more apt to feel whatever the Actor is conveying, which is why it is used to show more intense emotion and is often used as drama increases.

1st example:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwA3XyNeD3I

Long shot -> to locate the place where the bakery is

Long shot -> to refine and give this idea of entering the bakery as a normal client.

Close-up on the food ->  that’s been sold by the bakery (foreground) and the lady selling the pastries + client (background)

Complementary research:

Video explaining camera movement based on examples: Here Very easy and straighforward and also entertaining! Helped a lot to understand what to put in my storyboard

1° STORYBOARD: Link

When doing my research, I was mostly working from films and examples of films whilst I was aware that we were more meant to be doing a ‘documentary’ of an artisan. 

 At first, I didn’t really know what a storyboard was and I did some research mostly to understand how to make an effective storyboard, but also because I saw a few of my classmates struggling understanding the point of making a storyboard. What type of information is it meant to contain? What is the purpose of it? How precise does it need to be? How do you effectively give a sum-up of movement with a static format (storyboard is not the film itself but are meant to explain what movement is going to happen). 

 I felt that it was quite easy to make for an advert as we were just copying another add, but we didn’t have to actually think it through: what shot size, shot type, camera movement did we need? 

  Also, as photographers, we’d focus on the composition that would involve a 3D aspect but no consideration for the movement/sequence of a shot. The storytelling was also limited, whereas here, with a rack focus for instance, I get to give a lot more of information about the subject’s thougths for instance.

Storyboard vidéo: Link

Ratio video: Link

Rack Focus: Link

2° Deciding on a template for my storyboard

Based on different storyboard I looked at on the Internet, and the help provided both by tutors and my own research, I decided on a template for my storyboard that I then created on PowerPoint, and printed on a A3 format:

This included the drawing/picture on the left, shot size, shot type, camera movement, lighting, equipment and subject movement. The template is made of boxes to tick in order to make it more straightforward to read and use.

3° Studying 5 examples of videos and taking notes of movement I wanted to include in my own video.

I watched a few videos that were on the same subject as my own video and made up for each of them storyboards to then decide on aspects of the video I liked and incorporate them in my own videos

VIDEO 1 : Link

VIDEO 2 : Link

VIDEO 3: Link

VIDEO 4: Link

VIDEO 5: Link

4° My final storyboard

Slide 1

Slide 2

Slide 3

Slide 4

Slide 5

Slide 6

Slide 7

                                                 Conclusion

STORYBOARD

Effective tool: I think that it wasn’t really clear for me what the point of a storyboard was, and how to use it as an effective tool. But also for instance, who might need it: just me as a ‘director’ or the actors/people in the documentary? After shooting, I added some more clips to my final video that I didn’t think of when preparing my storyboard.  I was also glad I got to practise making storyboards with people’s videos when preparing my own video project.

RECEE

Effective tool:  If I was to do another video, I’d probably get more information about what a Recee is and what information you need to get from there, what you need to bring with you. I think this is a crucial part of making a video and I didn’t realise how important this was: get some pictures not just of the tools they’re using but people’s clothes, what they are doing, general movement within the kitchen. I had a list of things to pay attention to when going there but I felt that I could have gotten more details in order to make the storyboard more effective and accurate. 

SHOOTING THE VIDEO

Video teachnique: I realised I had a limited knowledge of the video vocabulary (shot size, shot type, camera movement) and I wish I had spent more time practising them individually in order to feel more confident when going to the bakery.

Material: I felt that although in class, we had a go at using the material, it would have been useful for me to spend time at home using the material, maybe before the video recording and be more familiar. As I was the one acting when donig the advert, I couldn’t really try out the tripod or lights.

PREMIER PRO

Montage: I had zero knowledge of Premier Pro and I think that in the end, it was a pretty straightforward  tool to use, somehow similar to Photoshop (to an extent). I really struggled with transition, because I didn’t think of them as something as important as it is. Also the pace of the video. I realised that some clips couldn’t be used as they wouldn’t be coherent (people had different clothes, white balance or dought was at different levels in the kneading machine)

Getting more information: I wouldhave benefitted from watching more videos to add more stuff to my video: transition, music, how to slow down/speed up the pace of my video, what and how to film scene

OVERALL: It was an extremely challenging project on every aspects but I overall enjoyed it, mostly because I found out about other dimensions and ways of telling stories, while using a visual media. I found the fact of using movement and directing the viewer’s eye extremely fascinating. I decided to enroll in a video evening class to learn more about techniques.