#it was simultaneously the worst thing i've ever done and also one of the most satisfying

[jewishregulus]

hi hello hope you're well.... could i ask about alectolily like whats the dynamic like? i've seen you post about them and i really wanna know more

thank you so much for this . i cannot encompass them in one post but here is just a nibble .

ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THIS ENTIRE BLOCK OF TEXT ABT THEM ONFGFGG .. basically alecto has been cast out from pureblood society due to her family’s cowardly history and as a result is v poor .lily is one of the only people outside of her family who sees her for who she is and validates her identity outside of the performance she puts on. and simultaneously alecto is one of the few people who doesn’t put any expectations onto lily . she doesn’t need lily to do anything but be herself and lot lily that is so RARE, because everyone wants her to be a prodigy and to be this big savior and hero and she doesn’t want that!! she wants to do her own thing!! and then alecto betrays lily by joining the deatheaters and it’s the worst possible thing she could’ve done because this betrayal has already happened to her. so not only has she joined the hate group that wants to kill her, she made lily look like an idiot for trusting her . and alecto doesn’t regret it . she craves power and glory over even her own Actual desires . she wants her family to be safe and will do anything to put them back on the map. at a point they both end up just wanting to hurt the other so much they almost die, and then nurse them back to health just so the other can feel how Hurt they are. alecto by lily not understanding why she needs to do this and lily because she did it. they want to be the other’s punisher, and their savior. they want to be the butcher who takes the pig to his own table and cuts the head off in a clean go: a mercy not provided by anyone else but a death nonetheless. real toxic yuri. alecto and lily would go to eachothers houses over break during the hogwarts years (alectos father isn’t a blood supremacist, he put that behind him due to a bad relationship w his parents . they r normal until alecto hates how it has caused themto fall out of good graces and tries to fix it.) alecto talks to lily about her dead mom and lily tells her about petunia. they have a genuine cute romance to the point lily is so shocked their 100% doomed relationship actually meets doom. she was genuinely caught off guard and that’s the part she hates the most .

in like a modern muggle au tho i have a clear vision of lily being a successful author who interviews alecto: masters in arts and language for her new book and ends up becoming alectos accidental sugar mommy bc alecto is dirt poor in every universe. amycus calls her a sugar baby and alecto plucks a leaf off his favorite plant (a crime against him worse than death) . big fan of the sugar daddy/mommy is the bottom trope and that is them here . sorry sorry . alecto leading service top nation but only w lily .::: she wants Lily to feel amazing all the time and nothing else . but also it isn’t ur typical sugar baby arrangement where it’s all sex n stuff …. they have a genuine connection and lily pays her to go on walks around a park and to play with her and amycus’ weird pets and pays her a “room and board” everytime she stays the night . just because she can. and she loves alecto and wants to spoil her as much as alecto wants to spoil her. it’s the worst thing to ever happen to alecto bc she is chronically Anti “charity for herself”…. but lily gets what she wants !!! anyways they are deeply in love .

heres some goofy modern stuff

here’s some canon imagery

[processingabuse]

I by no means want to increase the stigma around going no contact with parents/family and cutting harmful people out of your life. It's incredibly painful for most people (including me) and it's a decision that is rarely taken lightly, and the last thing we need to do is make people feel worse for doing something that they had to do to protect themselves. HOWEVER, I feel like this is occasionally lumped in with a "fuck the haters, nobody owes you anything" kind of attitude that severely undercuts the gravity of that kind of choice. There's also a trend I've noticed on tiktok particularly (but I'm sure other places too) where moms will say something like "my child doesn't owe me forever for taking care of them, if they decide not to have a relationship with me in the future that's totally fine and it's their choice". This is often in response to people saying awful and unfair things about adult children who've gone no contact, so I appreciate the support, and I recognize that "I gave up everything for you and this is how you thank me???!!!" is a common manipulation tactic aimed at children when they are trying to protect themselves from their parents. But I really dislike how flippant they sound about something so devastating. If your kid goes no contact with you, it SHOULD affect you. It might mean you did and/or are continuing to do something that is deeply harming your child, and that's not something that should be taken nonchalantly, like "well, I respect their choices". And sometimes a child really is being awful and are just not putting in the effort to appreciate their parents or they're mad about something that really is petty compared to what their parents have done for them. (I would assume that that's the case less often in these situations but that's my own experience and bias talking). Yes, you don't owe anyone to the point that it causes you real harm. Yes, I believe that "no" is a complete sentence. And yes, sometimes you just grow apart from people. But there ARE bad reasons to cut someone off. Abandoning someone, especially without explanation, is a real thing that sucks to go through. Someone might say to me "you cut off contact with your entire immediate family with no warning, how can you do that and then turn around and say that's it's wrong?" I did that because I HAD to. It was terrible and I never want to do that again. It was without warning because I was scared I wouldn't be able to leave if I saw them. I DID try to reason with them and get them to stop abusing me, for almost two decades. It's the worst experience I've ever had and I will carry it for the rest of my life. There is a hole in my heart that will never fully heal. To use an exteme example, it's like watching someone die right in front of you after you've killed them out of self-defense. That would haunt you forever, even though you didn't have a choice. And let's say someone was going to kill someone for a supposed "greater good" and you objected, and they said "you of all people should understand that violence is sometimes necessary". But it would be precisely because you killed someone that you understand the magnitude of what that really means, even though you don't regret doing it. No one should ever have to abandon their family and friends in order to feel safe. If you feel like you have to in order to be physically and emotionally safe, I fully support you and I hope you get the courage and the life and freedom that you need. But it's ugly, it's painful, it's not something to aspire to, it's not an empowering social media post. Sometimes enough is enough and you've tried too many times; believe me, I know. But while, as I've said, I want to reduce the stigma around it, I certainly don't want to normalize it. It ends up hurting people who don't deserve it while simultaneously downplaying the severity of the genuine abuse people have endured.

[adhd-merlin]

2023 WRITING REVIEW

I really don't write much but it's the second time @eeverlark tags me in a writing meme (I think) soooo alright lys I'll do it. for you 🫶🏻

1. number of stories posted to ao3: 4, and yes I'm counting the fic I updated in early January because 7 out of 8 chapters were written in 2023

2. number of words posted last year: 49k

3. fandoms i wrote for: only Merlin I'm monogamous 💛

4. pairings: Merwenthur; Merwaine; background Arwen in an Arthur & Merlin fic if that counts

5. stories with the most:

KUDOS || BOOKMARKS: Call It Anything We Want (281 | 48)

COMMENT THREADS: my merwenthur vignettes have 31 threads (excluding the chapter posted in January 2024). makes sense given every chapter is basically a self-contained ficlet

6. work i'm most proud of (and why): every fic I write is simultaneously the best and the worst I've ever written and it remains so until I post a new one.

Honestly though every fic(let) has some things I like and some I think I could've done better.

Having said that, Call It Anything We Want is the first fic I posted on ao3 after a long writing hiatus so. I'm proud of that and of the amount of time I've put into this story as a whole.

7. work i'm least proud of (and why): hmmm see previous answer.

there's a ficlet called The Hunting Trip that I think I could have done better – mainly the conversation Arthur and Merlin have about Uther – but I just wanted to get it done tbh. I do like how it starts though. And Cavall the dog :)

8. share or describe a favorite review you received: I absolutely love any time someone says they liked my characterisation. for example:

your characterization is insane i am so obsessed. its so so good. like. idk how to describe it you just write relationships meshing so well together and not in like. an unrealistically flawless way but in a warm and familiar way. im in awe.

or

I love this story, your writing, this relationship, this dynamic, your details, your characterization, your everything and I’ve been meaning to tell you for a very long time. I’m sorry for not expressing this earlier. Your continuation of the original story was incredibly, believably, wondrously fantastic.

Comments like these give me life 🥺

9. a time when writing was really, really hard: 99% of the time if I'm being honest

10. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: I wrote a ficlet that was supposed to be magically genderbent!Merlin x Arthur smut but it ended up being fem!Merlin x Gwen instead because Arthur wasn't cooperating

11. a favorite excerpt of your writing:

“Ah, the court sorcerer himself!” Gwaine exclaims, spreading his arms wide, and some wine sloshes out of his goblet and spills on the floor. He claps one hand on Merlin's shoulder. “Congratulations, Master Merlin.” “I told you to stop calling me that.” Gwaine just looks at him. Head to toe, with a grin that does nothing to hide what he's thinking, and must therefore come across as incredibly lewd. “You look good in green,” is all he says. Merlin raises an eyebrow. “You think I look good in anything.” Gwaine leans closer; close enough to purr in Merlin’s ear: “And even better in nothing at all.” Mainly for the pleasure of watching the tips of Merlin’s ears flush pink. — UNWAVERING

12. how did you grow as a writer last year: well I actually wrote something which is a good starting point

13. how do you hope to grow this year: I'd love to write a multi-chapter fic with an actual plot someday. also get better at titling things

14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc.): I think all the lovely people that left me some feedback made me push myself a tiny bit harder to keep writing and posting. a special shout-out to @castelled-away for writing whole essays about my merwenthur ficlets, I've loved every single comment 💛

15. anything from your real life show up in your writing last year: nothing apart from my desire to kiss Colin Morgan on the mouth

16. any new wisdom you can share with other writers: sometimes done is better than perfect. just get it done and move on it's fine if it's not a masterpiece. at least that's what I often have to tell myself but also I suspect I have adhd

17. any projects you're looking to starting (or finishing) this year: I would like to finish my Sefa-centric WIP, I wrote like 8k words but I'm not sure where it's going

[mcclainwilla]

Writing Fight Scenes Part 8 - Illegal Strikes

Sorry this took a while to get out, school has been kicking my ass (but what's new) and I couldn't think of a topic to tackle, until I had a vision in my grocery store parking lot. Up until this point, I've been talking about 'honorable' martial arts/fighting techniques. But what happens if your character is just a cunt?

I'm going to talk about types of illegal hits (learned from my time in martial arts/watching UFC fighting, not from my own exploits) and when/why your character would ever want to do such a sucky thing

TW: injury mention, death mention, brief eye horror mention.

Please tread carefully if you're sensitive to violence! I fully anticipate having a personal case of the heebie jeebies by the time I'm done writing this post

Types of Illegal Hits

When I was still actively practicing martial arts, my instructor would sing (to the tune of 'head, shoulders, knees and toes') "eyes, ears nose throat and groin, throat and groin" which, honestly, is most of what you need to know. But I'm going to expand on that a little bit

Back of the head

Specifically, the junction between your character's spine and your neck. If you poke around, you'll find a little divot there. That is where the brain stem is, which connects the spinal cord to the rest of the brain. As opposed to the rest of the head, especially the forehead/frontal bone, the back of the head is kinda squishy/not well-protected by the skull. This is a magnificent design flaw, because the brain stem controls most involuntary vital functions like breathing and heart rate, which means that a hit to the back of the head could send a character to meet their maker

Throat

Throat strikes can also be life-threatening because, as you might've guessed, it will impact a character's breathing (or, in the worst cases, the neck bones). The larynx is at the top of the throat column, whereas the trachea is at the bottom. Ultimately, the terminology doesn't matter too much, because both are very bad places for your character to be hit. The suprasternal notch, which is the divot between the collarbones, at the very base of the neck, is not a fun place to be hit, but it won't kill your character (Rio, one of my characters, motherfucker unlimited, hits one of his classmates here and nearly gets suspended)

Eyes

Explains itself. A character would probably want to use their thumbs

Ears

There are a couple here. Right behind the ears/corners of the jaw are some particularly nasty soft spots. I used to think it was the eustachian tubes, but I could be wrong, maybe it's actually the lymph nodes, or something else entirely. Either way, I was once hit here with an oven mitt that was tossed at my face, and it brought me to the ground

Also, there's something called a 'thunderclap' which is basically a character clapping their palms over an opponent's ears (less of a cupping/holding motion and more of a simultaneous smack). The sudden change in pressure will rupture their opponent's eardrums, which 1. Hurts like a bitch and 2. Will at least temporarily deafen them

Knees

This one is kinda tricky because some strikes aimed at the knees are okay (kicking out the backs of the knees isn't fun, but it won't ruin a character's year), and some are not. It's not cool to aim at the front and top of the knee, because that's how dislocations happen. Your character ought to stomp, rather than kick - gravity gives some assistance and even if the opponent bends their knee in preparation, it still has a good chance of breaking

Why would a character throw illegal hits?

Because, clearly, they can be pretty devastating. I'm not going to tell you that a character can't throw these kinds of hits during a sparring match, but they really shouldn't, unless you're trying to prove that they are a bitch (like my kid, Rio). That's because friendly/instructional sparring matches are defined by a sense of mutual respect and good sportsmanship - the goal is to improve the skills of one or both parties, not to maim. But, on the other hand, it could be a pretty powerful characterization moment if a character gets worked up and smashes their sparring partner's knee in. Any character who disregards combat etiquette, whether intentionally or impulsively, is bound to build a reputation for themselves both within the narrative and among the fandom

Primarily, however, these underhanded hits are best utilized in a self-defense scenario, especially when your character is otherwise at a steep physical disadvantage (shorter/lighter/weaker/etc.) It's also okay to pull these out during a serious, but more evenly-matched, fight between two characters. Just, again, remember that it's really not nice, and that the victim character would probably be well within their rights to seek revenge at the next available opportunity

[hamliet]

Why does isayama thinks mikasa isn't worthy of care and affection while simultaneously enjoying making people she cares about yell at her, making her suffer and being vulnerable. She is treated like a strong woman of color written by white people

..............................

I honestly wasn't going to respond to this obvious bait, but since I've been recently contemplating Mikasa's arc and specifically, how much I love her conclusion, I'll bite.

Yams is not white, so. Babe. Check your patronization.

You need to reread the text, too, because all the characters literally adore her. She's not yelled at any more than others--in fact, less, compared to Historia, Armin, Reiner, etc. It's also a military story. I hate to tell you what happens in the military. Doesn't make it right, but yelling is still, realistically, a major part. They're fighting for their lives; of course there's screaming.

Oh, also she like, gets married and her grandkids are shown helping her out, so clearly, she's adored by the future too.

Now, onto Mikasa's conclusion. I genuinely think her arc is my favorite conclusion in manga; if Monster nailed the overall end a bit better than SnK did imo, Mikasa's individual arc concluded in a way that, for me, was the most satisfying I've read in manga. It was beautiful, existentialist, and full of grief and hope and love.

Her conclusion is essentially that even though the world rightly will hate Eren for genocide, even though Eren is unforgivable to the world, she's glad he existed because she got to love him. And that realization, that love, is freedom, as symbolized by the jaeger bird flying off into the sky.

Idk, people who have loved people who have done terrible, unforgivable things--that's something often wrestled with, and it isn't something that is spoken of very much. It certainly isn't portrayed in a lot of stories with the same level of pretty close to worst of the worst that SnK portrays, which makes the story brave in a way most modern literature is not. There were no platitudes or neat answers in her specific arc, and that fits, because she was a very individual character defined by her love.

I don't know. I've complained before and will again about the pacing of Mikasa's arc and such, but I still genuinely find her conclusion to be one of the most hauntingly beautiful conclusions I've ever read.

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

What's your thoughts/opinions on each saw movie?

Oh no, this is a dangerous question to ask me because I cant shut up about Saw. If this ends up super long, I am so so sorry.

So the first one - amazing, fantastic, one of the best ever. I absolutely love this movie. I've seen it a bunch of times, can probably quote a good amount of it and it's easily one of my favourite movies. Leigh Whannel (screenwriter) and James Wan (director) really do a great job of showing characters that are well written and intriguing to watch. Same with the story itself. Also Adam makes me absolutely insane in this movie. Not only does he have hilarious lines, but also if I think too much about the tragedy that is him, I will scream. I absolutely love this movie so damn much!

The second one - imo also pretty good. It's not as great as the first one, but the story is still interesting to watch and I like the traps. Especially the needle pit! (Fun fact: they had to use over 100k needles for it to make it look full and I saw this behind the scenes video where it turned out that still wasn't enough and they added extra padding to make it look fuller). I like the return of Amanda and the twist. Though John saying "Your son's in a safe place" and him being in a safe makes me laugh. It's so silly.

The third one is like simultaneously great and not great. I love the Amanda/Lynn/John stuff but Jeff is a frustrating character to watch. Though Saw III does have some great traps too. The freezer one and especially the rack (the one where the character gets his limbs twisted one by one). It's not my favourite Saw but I do quite like it. Also Lynn and Amanda would've hate fucked if they had survived. Also also the third one has several deleted scenes and, if you haven't checked them out, I highly recommend it. They're all on youtube and they're so good. I wish they didn't cut all of them out. The one with Amanda and Adam makes me scream!

Saw IV honestly kind of makes me laugh. Mainly some of the transitions. I've watched it twice with a friend and we laugh so much at the mirror transition from the trap to the police station. It looks so ridiculous. Saw IV overall is not that great imo, but I still enjoy it. Character-wise and story-wise it's a bit more forgettable though. It's not the worst Saw, but it's kind of in the middle for me.

Saw V is uh, not very good. I love the concept of it and the idea that they all could've escaped (it was quite predictable and not a good twist but whatever). I do think it wasn't executed that well though. I think if the characters were better and maybe the link between them was better, it could've worked. But imo Saw V is one of the weakest of the franchise. Also the first time I watched Strahm and Hoffman do anything, I straight up couldn't tell them apart. I wish they would've done at least something to make them look different because following that plot wasn't easy. But the ending is still pretty cool, I'll give it that.

Saw VI my beloved. I love this movie. I'd say it's more or less on the same level as Saw II. I love the traps and the idea of the whole thing being commentary about American health care. The shotgun carousel? One of the best traps in the franchise. At this point the non-trap plot is a bit ridiculous and Hoffman is like the most obvious jigsaw ever and it's kinda baffling how no one seems to know its him despite how obvious he makes it. But still, overall a great movie and I love it so much!

Saw VII/Saw 3D on the other hand is bad. Originally the idea of Saw 3D was supposed to be split into two different movies. But Saw VI didn't do as well as the studio wanted so they made the filmmakers put it into one movie instead of two. And I feel like it kinda shows. The plot is a bit all over the place at times and I also don't like the way this movie looks. Something about the colours look so off. The traps are okay. There's some cool ones, though why did the dudes wife had to die? She was innocent in the whole thing.

Anyway, it's cool to have Lawrence back but Saw 3D is not great. Also the therapy group plot is kinda funny to me.

Jigsaw... hate this movie. Worst movie in the franchise to me. It sucks so much. The traps are, as always, fine. But the plot? The twist that it's all before the first one? Stupid. Bullshit. I hate it. I also am an avid Logan hater. I'm an even bigger hater for whoever wrote "John didn't think I should die because of an honest mistake". Putting that person in a Saw trap. Because like what franchise did they watch? When has John Kramer ever done anything like that? Logan should be dead.

Even besides my Logan hate, this movie just isn't good. The characters aren't particularly memorable. I don't think the look of it works at all. It's all so yellow. None of it really works in my opinion. I don't like this movie at all. Fuck Jigsaw (2017), all my homies hate Jigsaw (2017).

Now Spiral I think is better than Jigsaw and is okay in general. I'd put it in the middle when it comes to all the movies. I know some people dislike it, but I think it's fine overall. The traps are pretty cool and I dont mind the change in voice/design of the copycat killer. The twist was very predictable honestly and I can't say the characters were like super well written. But the movie was alright imo. Love that they said acab as they should.

Saw X isn't out yet, but I'm so excited for it! The trailer came out really recently and augh I can't wait. It looks really cool!!!!! I already want to talk about it for hours

[whetstonefires]

oh sorry for sending you down a random and inane internet rabbit hole that's what i get for speed typing on a tiny iphone screen and just sending it without checking lol. i think i mean to write what if instead of the batman 2022 it was the owlman 2022 movie. because i think pattinson could play a very scary villain if they gave him the material.

🤣 ahahaha oh, I see!

okay, then...i think an owlman movie in the style of the batman 2022 could be great, that is fun, but crucially i would want it made in the context of battinson already existing.

mirror universe rpatz, just taking his already hingeless and vaguely stunted yet deeply sincere portrayal of the character and upping it to true detached-door levels.

since the official position is to not have owlman be mirror bruce, but his brother thomas jr, they obviously would never make this, even leaving budget considerations aside.

but there just haven't been enough owlmans for batman 2022's specific treatment of the material to work as a dialogue in the same way, so i think it could only really land if it was done as a dialogue with their own, existing film.

so then, what would an owlman launching from the world established in the battinson film want? he believes all the worst things about his father, i guess. he believes all the worst things about everything and thinks it makes him rational and clear-eyed; he's got to be the most self-congratulatory cynic ever, and also walk around in a bird hat in total seriousness.

he's out to master the Gotham underworld and also control its politics. you could do something with his owning the mayor?

or with a contrast to battinson's hatred of being in public etc where owlman is the one running for mayor?

if we pursue the themes around Riddler in that movie, battinson owlman probably encourages the bitterness and disillusionment of The Youth and their radicalization, and takes advantage of it to turn them into weapons against society. very modern and yet utterly traditional!

idk, owlman is a hard villain protagonist to work with imo, because he's such a control freak and so selfish you need a big external problem to get any story out of him. absent the 'thomas jr vs police commissioner thomas dad' drama at least, which is hacky but hey it's comics ig. otherwise he just keeps chugging along doing evil, unless you want to chase down the nietzche multiverse breakdown from the Crisis on Two Earths or something.

i'd want to pitch a version of jokester at him to get some dynamism in there, but realistically then i'm just using battinson as a set of action figures to play out my fanfic lmao.

robert patttinson could certainly do a good villain, in that he seems to revel in the camp end of melodrama without checking out on acting while doing so, and also he has the capacity to be quite threatening because he's demonstrated that he can go ham while maintaining character. which is not actually easy to do.

but i'm not sure how well drawing the audience's attention to the fundamental idiocy of owlman as a concept would work when he's not uh. very lovable. because battinson works because he attracts our derision and our affection simultaneously, you know?

and i've never seen pattinson play anything he wasn't making fun of--i've only seen snippets of him as cullen, come to think of it, and if i saw the fourth harry potter movie i formed no memories, but anyway.

mostly what i'm coming away with here is i'm now curious to see what pattinson would do with an actual serious dramatic role. which is not how i would describe owlman.

[veebs-says]

Did I just have a seizure? Am I about to have a migraine? Does it really make a difference one way or the other?

Either way my brain doesn't work right and the solution is at least partially that my doctors should just give me my damn prescriptions instead of letting them run out and make me harass them to get them to do anything about it. You are not installing confidence that you're actually going to help me if you complain about me not having seen you in person as recently as you'd like when the reason I haven't been there as often at usual is that I've been having a really hard time in general, and not having my damn meds does not make that easier. Especially when my brain's default response to anything changing suddenly is to do something neurologically weird.

And when I say I've been having a hard time what I really mean is that the past six months have been the worst six months of my life in just about every imaginable way, and that's after the previous couple years were already worse than everything before that in many ways. Almost everything that's ever gone wrong before is going wrong simultaneously these days.

I almost started making a list here, but it's too much and doesn't feel helpful right now. It's also not helpful that my vision and hearing have both gotten substantially worse this year instead of just the usual stuff where my brain is weird.

And I guess that's where I've been for the past six months of not looking at Tumblr because the couple times I tried made me sad so it was easier to just not. I've apparently been busy becoming increasingly disabled, losing most of what I had in my life, and not really having much agency with any of it.

I spent most of my life starting in high school gradually getting worse with each passing year, but finally in the last couple years before the pandemic I made some positive progress for the first time in a very long time, and things were starting to look better for a change. My health was still kind of a mess but seemed to be improving, I was getting out and doing more things (including stuff I never would've done before), and I had tons of friends and great relationships with awesome people.

Now my health is the worst it's ever been, I haven't left the house in two years other than moving from one place I live to another or occasional medical stuff that has to be done in person, and I'm more isolated than I've ever been. And I can't just magically fix any of that. I barely have the capacity to brush my teeth once a day and shower once every five months, and if my food weren't provided for me I would simply starve. None of those are exaggerations.

If I can barely do any of that, how am I supposed to address any of these things and change them? And if I barely even know who I am on my own anymore, how am I supposed to even think about who I am in friendships and relationships?

It took my entire life to finally just barely get a fraction of my shit together, and now not only has all of that been undone but I've ended up so much further back than where I started. I can't do all that again, and it's that much worse having seen what I could be and quite possibly not ever being able to get it back.

And maybe that's wrong. Maybe someone will finally figure out what's wrong with me and things will get better. That's still what I'm hoping for, even if it would almost definitely take years to undo some of this.

The problem is that if this can't be fixed and this is all I've got, it's not worth it. And unless my health or my relationships get drastically better my backup plan is basically guess I'll die dot jpg. Not because that's what I want or anything, but I clearly can't take care of myself and my parents are getting old and can't for that much longer either.

And like...that's fine? It's not something I didn't already accept as a possibility a long time ago. I've been 100% dependent on other people for a while, and if for any reason they can't or won't keep doing that, then...

I know people always say it's not a burden to care for someone who's sick or injured or disabled, but I don't think that's actually true. It definitely is. I've seen how it affects the people around me. It may be really obvious the ways our bullshit society doesn't give someone like me almost any of the support I need, but equally as much it doesn't do that for any of the people around me who have to make up for what it doesn't do. And those people may sometimes be ok with that or at least willing to do it anyway, but I'm not convinced it's not a burden on them, just that it's one they choose to bear.

This whole thing has been bouncing around in my head for months, slowly taking shape. I probably left out at least half of what I've been thinking about, but whatever weird brain thing is going on right now has caught up with me, and I can't remember or really think about it any more right now.

I don't know whether I want everyone to see this or no one to see this. Obviously the answer is to put it on here and let the whims of Tumblr sort it out.

[venusofrapture]

hello, again. going to be just lurking, between semesters. been having a rough time, and apologies for my absence and silence. if anyone ever wants to reach out to me, please do! i still have the same discord (whattadoll) i am a very direct person, and i appreciate when people do the same for me. i don't ever try to be misleading or confusing, i try to say exactly what i mean. i understand this isn't clear to a lot of people. i tend to confuse others and alienate them pretty easily ;;

i hope this isn't seen as vagueposting? i don't mean to do anything harmful. like i said, i like to just say what i mean. it's really the only way i know how.

tmi under the cut

i also moved then nuked my fandom blog (not the original one), because i am embarrassed to admit how triggered i got from a fan theory that i shouldn't have. i don't want to be vague or overshare, it's never done maliciously, but it was a personal thing i haven't gotten help with yet. i actually remember writing about it through jasmine before i knew it happened to me. again, just putting it out there. i guess i sound silly. i just want to be honest, i don't have anyone to talk to about a lot of stuff that bothers me. no one has to do that for me, and i don't expect it especially from people here. i guess i'm just explaining myself because i feel i have to. i've got a lot of silly things i need to deal with, and i'm worried if i don't say it something bad will come of it. maybe this isn't how you do it. i've spent so long isolated that i don't really know what people do anymore, what's healthy. just going through it, i guess.. for the last 20 some odd years lol.

again i apologize if this isn't what people do. i guess i just wanted to say mainly because i'm unhappy. i need to go to therapy, but the "greatest country on earth" won't let me have access to healthcare. i had to go to the er a few months ago and was sent to a state funded hospital and it was sincerely the worst experience of my adult life. and i've seen my husband on the brink of death at least three times already. it's been a hard couple of years recently. it's been so hard. i feel lost and angry and simultaneously stuck and untethered. it's why i work so hard at my college stuff because it's the only thing i have right now to keep me going, looking towards a future that gets darker and darker everyday. i'm just mixed up and behind and stumbling my way through. i should keep a diary, but even that wouldn't be private.

idk. i'll most likely delete this. i just want this space to write and share ideas about fandom stuff. i'll remake my blog eventually, just probably going to avoid bg3 now unfortunately. it's on me. i have a responsibility to control myself no matter how i feel. i'm not a frightened child anymore, i'm an adult with agency and forethought. i can't keep lashing out because i feel justified in my negative emotions. i've gotten so scared. i wish there was someone to tell that could really help. i wish i could go somewhere to get better. i feel trapped at the bottom and i don't know my way up anymore.

[sureuncertainty]

i just did the grossest thing i have literally ever done and that is saying a LOT considering I worked custodial at disney world for several months

[liebgotts-lovergirl]

Fire On Fire: Chapter 1

(Ch. 2)

Gallery II Taglist Application II Symbol Guide

Summary: With WWII raging across the European Theatre, OSS agent Alix "Pyro" Martinelli and paratrooper Joe Liebgott are forced to navigate their star-crossed romance at the worst possible time. With the knowledge that one or both of them could end up dead before the war's end, will their secret love survive the horrors that await them or break under the pressure? Simultaneously, as he prepares to send her into enemy territory, first-time case officer/handler Lewis Nixon struggles to shoulder the ever-present fear that the agent he's come to see as his little sister may not make it back alive.

A/N: Here it is!! Y'all know the drill lol, everything BoB is strictly based on the miniseries & my own headcanons, not the real-life ppl. Also pls be nice to me, this is the first thing I've written since like 2018-2019. It'll get better hopefully lol. (And yes, I'm making y'all wait for that coveted first interaction between Lieb x Alix lol bc I'm evil) 💖

Contemporary: June 3rd, 1944. Aldbourne, England.

The most important ally in a spy's life is their case officer, also known as their handler, and for some reason, Alix’s seemed determined to get her killed before she ever set foot in a war zone. 

"It wasn't a suggestion, Martinelli, it was an order. You’ve been sparring with your dominant hand all day. Switch hands." 

Alix barely had time to fumble her weapon from her belt before Lieutenant Nixon came at her face with a knife. 

"Shit!" 

She ducked as it sailed over her head but managed to pop back up just in time to block an incoming punch with her right forearm.

"Christ," Alix griped, swiping at Nixon with the knife in her left hand, grazing his arm with the flat of the blade. "A little warning would've been nice, y'know!"

"Oh I'm sorry," the intelligence officer remarked snidely, stepping out of her reach to avoid another slash. "Did you think the Krauts would send you a personal invitation?" 

 The younger agent didn’t answer, instead aiming a kick straight at Nixon's stomach. She was shorter than him by a good 6 inches even in boots but her legs were still just long enough to reach him.

The kick was hard enough to connect but gentle enough not to hurt too much, more of a tap than a true kick.

“Weak form,” Nixon called out, although his slight stumble backwards betrayed him.

She knew he was deliberately trying to piss her off so she’d make more mistakes.

He always said “Anger makes you stupid, stupid gets you killed.”

Nixon recovered quickly from the kick, dodging her attempt at a stab and returning one of his own, easily tapping her arm with the dull side of the blade.

“Too slow.”

Yeah? She cocked a perfectly manicured eyebrow. We’ll see about that.

On a whim, Alix faked a punch to Nixon’s left. It was a gamble but it worked. He fell for her ruse just like she’d hoped and as his focus shifted to blocking his left side, she was able to disarm him with a swift kick to the right, knocking the knife out of his hand and into the grass somewhere.

She put her hands on her hips and grinned, panting. That was the quickest disarm she'd done all day and she'd managed it using her non-dominant hand and after hours of non-stop physical training, no less.

Not bad for one of Director Donovan’s “glorious amateurs”, she mused.

Watching her superior fishing around in the pasture for his lost weapon was kind of cathartic, Alix thought to herself with a stifled laugh. Perhaps it was just schadenfreude but it felt nice to see him be the one to struggle for once.

Ever since the first day he’d been assigned as her handler two years ago, Lieutenant Nixon had made it his personal business to make her life a living hell.

She had tried to be cordial to him but he wanted nothing to do with her, even going so far as to only refer to her as “Agent” or “Martinelli”. He had run her ragged during OSS training, ruthlessly drilling her on everything from close-combat and weapon-handling to enduring an interrogation every day for a full three weeks.

Nothing was ever good enough for him; he could always find something to criticize. He expected her to commit written information to memory practically the second she received it and he wasn’t shy about quizzing her at random on everything from poisons to arteries to conversational French.

She thought he might loosen up after her graduation from the OSS program, once he’d seen that she had transformed from a society girl into a capable agent who didn’t need her supervisor breathing down her neck, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

He still saw her as the youngest and smallest trainee that needed constant supervision and strict discipline for even the most minor of infractions. 

Getting transferred to England for further training with their Special Operations Executive had been a welcome change of pace. Her handler had gone back to Toccoa, Georgia with the Airborne and she finally felt like she could breathe again.

Life with the SOE wasn’t nearly as stressful because it was a well-established organization and her superior officers there were much more laidback. She felt secure in her training and confident in her skills. But her relaxation was short-lived because after a year, the Airborne had transferred too and with them came her Draconian handler and a host of new trials to complete. Joy.

Despite Alix’s lifelong fear of heights, even completing her jump-training wasn’t as difficult as earning Lewis Nixon’s approval, and that was really saying something.

For whatever reason, the intelligence officer seemed determined to break her but the young OSS agent was even more determined to succeed.

No matter how hard he pushed her, she always pushed right back. The sight of an intimidating-looking officer glaring down at a petite woman 9 years younger and half a foot shorter than him like she was the Devil Incarnate after a particular bout of sass often provided endless entertainment for troopers passing by the training ground and Alix herself would've found it hilarious if she wasn't on the receiving end of said glare.

Digging her red-painted nails into her palms with frustration, Alix marched over to her handler and cleared her throat expectantly. 

The Lieutenant looked up from his field notebook and cocked a bushy eyebrow. 

“Did you want something, Agent?”

Alix’s dark eyes narrowed. Nixon’s air of deliberate nonchalance was really pushing her buttons and he knew it. The more heated she got, the colder he would get, but she could feel her temper bubbling just under the surface anyway.

“I have a name, you know,” she snapped. “It’s Alix.”

“I don’t care. You’re an assignment, not my friend. Now, what do you want?”

Alright, that’s it.

“Well number one, for you to stop treating me like a fucking child!”

“Then stop acting like one,” was the dismissive reply.

“Excuse me?!”

“You heard me. You’re getting complacent. You’re going to be in extremely close-quarters with highly-skilled German officers, alone. If you make even the slightest mistake, if you're off by even a second, they’re going to eat you alive.”

“I’m a Sparrow,” she shot back. “A trained assassin. I’d like to see them try.” 

“You’re also what, 5’4” and a hundred-something pounds soaking wet? Some threat! If they disarm you, it's game over." 

Alix seethed, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring daggers at her superior.

“I graduated top of my class. You’ve seen me fight! You know I’m as effective with a weapon as I am without one!” 

“With your right hand, maybe, but what if it’s restrained and you have to use your left?" 

“You worry too much.” 

“You don’t worry enough. You’re not strong enough to be effective against highly-trained soldiers without a weapon. Here, throw a punch with your left, I’ll show you what I mean.” 

Alix’s dark eyes narrowed and she gave a sarcastic smile.

“It would be my pleasure, sir.” 

She swung a long left-hook. Her knuckles had just grazed his jaw when he grabbed her wrist.

Using her own body’s momentum against her, he stepped in, hooking his arm under her armpit and easily flipping her over his shoulder onto the ground with a hard thud. 

“Fuck!” Alix coughed out, the breath forcibly knocked from her lungs due to the sudden impact. Laying on her back, she was winded and her muscles were burning but her mind was racing. She was down but not out.

Catching her breath, she shifted into a crouching position. Now she was seeing red.

Nixon meanwhile, was resting on his laurels. 

“See,” he announced from above with a smug, almost irritatingly paternal air. “What did I tell you? You’re not as effective unarmed. You need to train mo-”

THUMP!

Swinging her leg out in one fluid motion, Alix had caught his ankle, using a Tiger-Tail leg sweep to swipe her handler’s legs out from under him, bringing him crashing down next to her with a string of muttered curses.

“Doesn’t look like you’re that effective unarmed either, sir,” she said with a sarcastically-bright smile. “Maybe you should train more.”

The Lieutenant opened his mouth defensively, about to respond, but he was cut off by the sound of tires on the grass behind them.

Glancing up at the noise, Alix felt relief wash over her at the sight of Sergeant Bull Randleman and Lieutenant Winters crossing the field toward them in a Jeep. If anybody could temper Lewis Nixon’s attitude, it was those two. 

The dark-haired lieutenant got off the ground, dusting off his uniform. Turning to Alix, he offered her a hand but she gave him a scathing look that clearly said “I don’t want your damn help” so he retracted it with a shrug. 

Suit yourself. 

Inwardly groaning at her sore muscles, Alix gritted her teeth and silently dragged herself to her feet. She was not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her struggle.

As long as I'm still breathing, she thought. I'm fucking fine.

As the two officers approached, both she and Nixon saluted them.

“That was a damn near perfect takedown you just did,” Bull exclaimed with brotherly pride, chomping on the end of his trademark cigar as he and Winters approached. “And some disarm too! We saw when we was passin’ by earlier! You're some kinda killer now, huh, Pyro?”

“After two years of training, I sure hope so!” she chirped, grinning at the nickname. The memory of its origin always made her laugh.

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A year earlier: January 1944. Aldbourne, England.

On her first day training for her cover as a combat nurse with Easy, she’d gotten into an explosive argument with some guy named Cobb over a particularly sexist series of comments he’d made while cornering her outside, after one of Welsh’s riveting lectures on map-reading.

“What’s a pretty thing like you doing here anyway?” he’d asked, looking her up and down with a wolfish smirk. “War's no place for a woman like you, sweetheart.”

“I'm doing my part, same as you," she’d answered coolly. “And just for the record, ‘a woman’s place’ is wherever the hell she wants to be.”

With a bright, "Fuck you" smile, she had just pushed past him to be on her way when she distinctly heard him grumble “Jeez, learn to take a compliment, bitch.”

The shouting match that followed quickly escalated into a physical brawl the moment the phrase “all bust, no brains” came out of his mouth. The fight only ended minutes later when a still-cursing Alix was physically dragged off of a barely-conscious Cobb by Bull, who didn’t want the new girl committing murder on her first day.

“Well ain’t you a little firecracker!” Bull had remarked, shaking his head in amusement. 

And thus, the nickname Pyro was born.

╚══  • 🖤🖤 • 🖤🖤 • 🖤🖤 • 🖤🖤 • 🖤🖤 •  ══╝

Contemporary: June 3rd, 1944. Aldbourne, England.

“So what are your thoughts, Nix?” Winters inquired. “You’re her handler, after all. Is she ready?”

 There was a short silence and Alix held her breath.

What if he lied and told Dick she was terrible? What if he got her kicked off the mission and the whole Sparrow program never got off the ground because of it? What if- 

“It wasn’t a bad session—” Nixon started after a minute of thought and Alix exhaled.

Thank God. 

 “—But her disarm could’ve been faster. Her shooting is fine with her right hand but she can’t make a left-handed headshot worth a damn, let alone in the time frame she needs to.”

“Well,” Bull drawled matter-of-factly. “considerin’ it’s her left hand she’s workin’ with and ‘s far as we know, she ain’t left-handed, I reckon just bein’ able to hit the target is somethin’. She's somethin' to see shootin' with her right though! Kill-shots every time."

Winters nodded in silent agreement, making some small notations on the clipboard he was carrying before looking over at Nixon, green eyes meeting black.

“Mind if I have a word with you, Lew? In private?” he asked, gesturing for them to take a short walk back to the Jeep and the dark-haired man shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets. 

“Sure thing, Dick.” 

He gave a curt nod to Alix and a strained smile to Bull before the two men started off. 

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“Now, far be it from me to tell you how to run things,” Winters began tentatively once they had arrived at the car. “But don’t you think you’re being just a bit too harsh on her?” 

He leaned against the Jeep, giving his friend a scrutinizing look. 

“I mean, did you really expect her to be able to make a head-shot with her non-dominant hand? Can you even make that kind of shot with your left hand, Nix, let alone in under 5 seconds?”

"No but I’m also not the one who’s going to be locked in a room every other night, up close and personal, with members of the SS, the Gestapo, or God knows who else,” Nixon countered, beginning to pace. “She needs to be prepared, goddamn it.” 

Dick frowned as he watched his best friend. He’d never seen Lew this anxious before. He opened his mouth to respond but before he could get the words out, his friend cut him off.

“There’s no room for mistakes, Dick,” Nixon insisted, his voice rising. “She’s good, really good, but she has to be the best or she's going to get herself killed out there!" 

“She is the best or she wouldn’t have been recruited in the first place,” Winters replied evenly.

“We all know that Soviet Swallows aren't recruited at random and neither are American Sparrows. She was chosen because she can handle it.”

Nixon shook his head. 

“What if you’re wrong?”

“I’m not,” the redhead said bracingly.

“She’s been training non-stop for two years, in everything from poison usage to intelligence-gathering, seduction to pickpocketing. Hell Nix, you just flipped her onto the ground and she still managed to take you out too in a matter of seconds! She’s a crack-shot and speaks how many foreign languages now?” 

“Three,” the dark-haired man conceded. “Italian, French, and Spanish. Four if you count a working knowledge of Russian.” 

“Exactly. And on top of it, she has the smartest man I know as her handler. Even if I didn’t have faith in her, which I do, I have faith in you and your abilities and so does Bill Donovan or he wouldn’t have personally assigned you to such a new program.” 

Nixon rubbed the back of his neck worriedly, his mouth set in a hard line.

A part of him knew that Dick was right— all of the relentless pressure he’d put on her had paid off because Alix really was one of the best to come out of the OSS but still, that nagging fear just wouldn't leave him alone.

He had a bad feeling about all this. 

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2 Years Earlier: June 1942. Washington DC, USA.

He thought back to his first briefing on agent handling with the OSS two years earlier. He had been among a group of about eight officers called to OSS headquarters for a personal conference with the director, Bill Donovan himself. 

Once all of the handshaking and small-talk had died down, everyone spread out and took their seats, an expectant hush falling over the small crowd.

“Gentlemen,” Donovan began, his gravelly voice piercing the thick air. “There are whispers in the intelligence community that the Russians are developing a new program.” 

Nixon shifted uncomfortably in his chair, struggling to concentrate. It was stiflingly hot in his uniform and the air conditioner in the office had stopped working, much to everyone’s chagrin.

He could feel the sweat dripping down his back and he grimaced.

This better be good.

“We have received Intel from our sources in Russia that strongly confirms the use of so-called ‘Soviet Swallows’-” 

“Like the bird, sir?” the officer across from Nixon piped up and Donovan let out an exasperated sigh.

“Yes, like the bird, son. "

Nixon might've laughed if the situation hadn't been so serious.

"These Russian Swallows are part of a new program utilizing female spies who are highly trained and tasked with infiltrating and incapacitating the enemy. They combine the deadliness and discipline of a soldier with the glamour and grace of a movie star."

There were some oohs and aahs from the officers around him but Nixon remained silent.

If they were as highly trained as Donovan was suggesting-- and knowing the Russians, he had no doubt they were-- these Swallows, whoever they were, would be extremely dangerous and effective agents in the field.

"Now," Donovan continued. "Our objective is to get ahead of them. The president has tasked us here at the OSS with creating a similar program, known as the Sparrow Program, and we need capable officers like yourselves to lead it. If all goes well, these young ladies I am assigning you today will be the very future of American espionage.” 

The men in the room all began to exchange curious glances.

The meeting itself had been scheduled for some time but all of the information about it had been considered Classified, so nobody had known how significant the project actually was. The nervousness and excitement in the room was palpable.

“The files that I am handing out to you now, gentlemen, are our first class of agents. Each of them have been carefully selected from the top schools and families across the country. They are the best and brightest that the United States has to offer. You have all been assigned one agent and as her handler, you will be personally responsible for her from today onward. You will be training her, managing her operations, arranging drops and meetings with Resistance contacts, processing the Intel she brings so it can be passed up the ladder, and you will be her lifeline if anything, God forbid, goes wrong.”

There was a beat of uncomfortable silence before he added brightly, “But no pressure."

Nixon made a bitter noise in the back of his throat and sipped the cup of black coffee he’d gotten from the lobby.

Oh yeah, he thought cynically. No pressure at all.

"Now when I read off your name, raise your hand and my assistant will present you with the file of your first operative, who you will be sending behind enemy lines at a time and date to be specified. I will be personally available to answer any questions, should you have them. First up...Atkins!"

Nixon stared straight ahead, past the officer sitting across from him, out the window, to the treeline as he waited for his name to be called.

Great, the lieutenant mused bitterly. I get to be responsible for someone else's life now too. Because I'm doing so well managing my own.

Once the folders had all been handed out, the director began to circle the room, periodically answering questions as they were asked.

Lieutenant Nixon let the file sit closed on the table for a minute, just staring at it, as he mentally prepared himself to look into the face of the person he would be sending into enemy territory.

Steeling himself, he reached for the folder and opened it, glancing inside before immediately slamming it shut. 

The girl looked so young in her photo, barely 21, and for a split-second, in her glossy black curls and dark eyes, he saw his baby sister, Blanche smiling back at him. He suddenly felt ill. 

"Ah, you got Miss Martinelli," Donovan said, suddenly appearing over his shoulder as if sensing his doubts. "Alix is a charming girl. Quite a rebellious streak no doubt, but one of our most promising recruits. A swan among sparrows, if you will. Educated at St. Mary’s-- one of the finest finishing schools in the country, I might add-- and top of her class in our training facility as well. Her father, Emilio, is a good friend of mine. He's in oil, as I'm sure you know."

Nixon gave a half-smile, hoping he looked convincing and interested. He had no idea who Emilio Martinelli was nor did he care.

Rubbing elbows with other rich people was his mother's department, not his.

Casting one more glance at the folder, he took a deep breath and exhaled, trying to rid himself of the violent wave of nausea that hit him relentlessly.

From the moment he saw the photo, it had dawned on him just how easily the girl in the folder could have been his sister and now it wouldn’t leave his mind. She was just like Blanche in almost every way. This was somebody's little sister, no doubt.

And how could he send his little sister to die? He couldn’t.

Donovan had just turned to move on to the next officer when at the last minute, Nixon caught him by the sleeve.

“Sir,” he begged, his voice low. "Not her. Anyone but her. Please.”

The director’s brow furrowed.

“Son, I'm afraid everything's already been arranged. There's no backing out now."

The younger man quailed.

What was he supposed to do? Keep pleading? Tell the director he couldn’t take on the recruit because he couldn’t look her in the face without seeing his baby sister?

That was exactly what he did. 

To his relief, Donovan didn't laugh. Instead, he put a bracing hand on the lieutenant's shoulder. 

“You say she reminds you of your sister back home, right Lieutenant?” 

“Yes sir.” 

“Then prepare her like you’d prepare your sister. Protect her. Keep her alive.”

“Yes sir.”

╚══  • 🖤🖤 • 🖤🖤 • 🖤🖤 • 🖤🖤 • 🖤🖤 •  ══╝

Contemporary: June 3rd, 1944. Aldbourne, England.

Winters cleared his throat awkwardly, breaking the silence between them as he wracked his brain for how best to broach the delicate subject on his mind. 

"Lew…uh…"

"Spit it out, Dick," Nixon intoned from beside him without even looking up. 

Winters did his best to oblige.

 

"Is this..um..Is there some sort of a romance thing going on with you and her or something? You just seem really torn up but I thought she had a thing going with.." 

Nixon jerked his head back with a flabbergasted look like he'd just been told Winters was moonlighting as a circus clown.

"What?! Oh God no, Dick, she's like my kid sister! Christ, she's a child!" 

"She's twenty-three, isn’t she?" 

"Yes, exactly! She's a child!" 

Winters laughed and shook his head in amusement.

"You act like being in our thirties makes us ancient. But good, I’m glad we got that cleared up then because I was going to say, if that's your problem, I can't help you. I’m not very good with that sort of thing."

A teasing smile played at the corner of Nixon’s lips. 

“Yeah, I’ve noticed. Say, do me a favor, Dick?”

“Depends on what it is.”

“If you ever have any more wildly off-base speculations about my love life, keep ‘em to yourself. In all the years I've known you, I don't think you've been right one time."

They both laughed but the auburn-haired officer sobered quickly.

"In all seriousness, Nix, lighten up a little on Martinelli, okay? She’ll be fine. Letting her have a little fun once in a while won’t hurt, especially since we're due out any day now.”

The intelligence officer cocked an eyebrow slyly. 

“Since when are you lecturing me on 'lightening up' and 'having fun'?" he asked, black eyes glittering with barely-contained mirth.

"Who are you and what have you done with my friend Dick?”

∆∆━━━━∆∆━━━━━∆∆━━━━∆∆

[fakeikemen]

Katara's Grief

(This is my first attempt at a meta post and I know that this has probably been already done but I just needed to get it off my chest and go on a little rant and it kinda got long so bear with me.)

A lot of the hate on Katara stems from the fact that she keeps on mentioning her mother's death at every chance she gets and invalidates other people's pain to assert that her suffering is the worst of the lot.

And even though everybody is entitled to their own opinions, I'm gonna point out why I think the aforesaid claims are not exactly correct.

First we'll take a look at; Katara's Backstory:

We know that Kya is killed in a fire nation raid and that Katara had been the last person to see her alive before she leaves the tent on her mother's insistence. Only to come back a few moments later and find her dead body. This, in itself is a traumatising event.

So yes, her mother died. Other people in the story go through far worse. You're not wrong when you say that.

But what is more important in Katara's story is the aftermath of her mother's death.

As Sokka says while talking to Toph in "The Runaway" in B3 Ep7:

Sokka: When our mom died, that was the hardest time in my life. Our family was a mess, but Katara? She had so much strength. She stepped up and took on so much responsibility. She helped fill the void that was left by our mom.

As an eight year old, she had to force herself to grow up to step into her mother's shoes and raise herself and her elder brother and simultaneously look after the entire village after her father left to fight in the war. She had to do all of it by herself.

In face of all her responsibilities, she never really had the chance to simply be a grieving child lamenting the loss of her mother. She habituated herself to caring more about others than herself (We see this trait in the entire series as she acts as the stand-in mom friend for the entire Gaang with an exception of Suki and Zuko). She ended up bottling her feelings of grief, resentment, guilt and rage deep within herself.

She had to give up an extensive part of her childhood where most children focus on figuring themselves out, to become a mature and responsible person who was working as the immovable pillar holding up the family and even the whole village not much later.

She put up a strong front to help others and pretended to be fine even though she was hurting inside the whole time.

She could never find any closure from the situation. She never got over it.

Moving on to the criticisms:

1. Katara keeps on mentioning her mother like a broken record:

Here are the number of times Katara mentions her mother's death (not sure if that's all of it, lmk if there are any others):

1. In her first scene with Sokka

Katara: Ever since mom died, I've been doing all the work around camp while you've been off playing soldier!

2. A short while after she meets Aang

Katara: Well, I just want you to be prepared for what you might see. The Fire Nation is ruthless. They killed my mother, and they could have done the same to your people.

3. A short while after she meets Haru

Katara: I lost my mother in a Fire Nation raid. This necklace is all I have left of her.

4. A short while after she meets Jet

Katara: Sokka and I lost our mother to the Fire Nation.

5. In the swamp after she sees a vision of her mother

Katara: I thought I saw Mom.

6. In the Crystal Catacombs with Zuko

Katara: I don't? How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through! Me personally! The Fire Nation took my mother away from me.

7. A short while after she meets Hama

Katara: We completely understand. We lost our mother in a raid.

8. Repeated mentions in The Southern Raiders episode

(Most of the episode basically)

The first mention with Sokka is in the middle of a siblings' spat where she tells off Sokka for trying to act as if he were superior when it was obvious that in the face of the gaping hole that was left by Kya's sudden death, Katara had shouldered much more responsibility.

When she tells it to Aang, she uses it as a proof that the Fire Nation is capable of immense cruelty and destruction.

The Gaang travel all around the world and meet different people affected by the war in different ways. So when Haru, Jet and Hama narrate their own stories, Katara sympathises with them and talks about Kya's death in lieu of "I understand, the Fire Nation hurt me too."

After they got separated, Aang, Sokka and Katara each had their visions and after they get back together, they all mention their visions and so does Katara.

When left alone in catacombs with Zuko, whom she considered as the face of the Fire Nation— the same Fire Nation that had her mother killed and forced her father to leave to fight in the war, she has a meltdown where she rightfully accuses him of all the bad things he's done and then breaks down while talking about how the war has cost her i.e., by causing her mother's death.

The Southern Raiders is the episode where Katara hunts down the man responsible for her mother's death. If you think mentioning Kya repeatedly in this episode is uncalled for, then I don't know what to tell you.

In all the incidents mentioned above, Katara mentioning her mother's death is a very natural occurrence is the respective conversations. She mostly talks about Kya's death to either extend her sympathy or to use it as an example of the ruthlessness of the Fire Nation.

Another fact to be noted is that 70% of the Gaang's storyline is followed via Katara from a narrative point of view. Plus, being the mom-friend, she acts as the spokesperson. Considering that Kya's death is a major event that played a huge role in shaping Katara's life and is also the source of her severe, unresolved trauma, which acts as the driving force of her story, it is only natural that she brings up this topic whenever she is engaging in a deeper conversation.

It is us as the viewers who have seen her from the start and already know about her mother's death and we see her talking to multiple people about it. Which is why it might come across as repetitive to some people.

While, Kya's death is not necessary information that everyone needs to know, Katara talking about it never comes across as a forced or unnatural.

2. Katara invalidates others' pain because she thinks she has suffered the most:

First of all, if anything, Katara is the most empathetic person of them all. As the mom-friend of the group, not only is she their constant moral support, she also helps them untangle and sort out their own feelings. She is also able to tap into issues that aren't said out loud.

Instances of Katara helping and supporting Aang, emotionally are uncountable.

She is the first one to notice Sokka's sour mood in B3 Ep4 "Sokka's Master". And even though his insecurities seem baseless, she validates him (by saying "I'm sorry you're feeling so down" instead of something like "That's a dumb thing to say") and knows exactly what to do to cheer him up.

In B3 Ep7 "The Runaway" she has the insight to understand that Toph's unruly behaviour is caused by the mixed feelings she has about her parents even though Toph's herself never talked about it.

She even reaches out to Zuko in B2 Ep19 "Crossroads of Destiny" even though she used to think of him as the face of the enemy.

But then there's The Southern Raiders.

Ah yes, that episode where Katara is extremely OOC and a total b*tch.

Agreed that she said some things that she definitely shouldn't have said. But like, she's just 14?? And has been hurting on the inside since she was 8?? And pretended to be fine just for the sake of other people?? Like, there's a limit to how much she can have her shit under control?? And she did a real good job of Sokka's upbringing and taking care of the village and taking care of Gaang on her own?? Some people out there are really willing to forget everything she has ever done just because she was mean for 5 minutes?? A traumatised 14 yo shouldn't be villianised and called toxic because she got mad and lashed out at people that one time??

But here's my take on the scene anyway:

When Aang gets to know that she's going to go face her mother's killer:

Aang: Um ... and what exactly do you think this will accomplish?

Katara: I knew you wouldn't understand. 

Aang is a non-confrontational person who prefers running away from difficult situations as opposed to Katara who firmly stands her ground and is never afraid of confrontations. Katara had approached Aang only hoping that he would understand. But going by his dismissal, he obviously doesn't understand the burning need that she has to confront the man who had single-handedly destroyed her childhood. (Most people infer that what Katara means is that she thinks that Aang doesn't understand the pain of losing people. And so does Aang, I guess)

But things start getting even more tricky when:

Aang: Katara, you sound like Jet.

In all honesty, this is probably the most insensitive thing that she could've heard from anyone right then, let alone one of her closest friends. Hearing herself being compared to a homicidal maniac just because she wants to avenge her mother's killer. (No, I'm not justifying murder but there's a clear difference between homicide and avenging someone's death. And Aang may not be my favourite character but I do love him but this wasn't really a good thing to say either. And he wasn't even mentally distressed in the very least to be completely lacking tact or a filter.)

And then the situation escalates:

Sokka: Katara, she was my mother, too, but I think Aang might be right.

Katara: Then you didn't love her the way I did!

After 6 long years of Katara bottling in her dark feelings and letting them fester inside herself, she is finally letting them out and the first things she faces in a span of few minutes are outright rejection, invalidation of her feelings, comparison to a homicidal maniac and nothing akin to the unconditional support that she has provided to everybody. Her own brother tells her that he is siding with the boy who just compared her to a homicidal maniac.

Yes, accusing your own brother of not loving your mother enough is a very cruel thing to do. But both Sokka and Katara know that she doesn't entirely mean it.

But also, there is one very important factor in here:

In B3 Ep7 "The Runaway", Sokka says to Toph:

Sokka: I'm gonna tell you something crazy. I never told anyone this before, but honestly? I'm not sure I can remember what my mother looked like. It really seems like my whole life, Katara's been the one looking out for me. She's always been the one that's there. And now, when I try to remember my mom, Katara's is the only face I can picture. 

Katara overhears this conversation just as Sokka had meant her to.

This dialogue lets us know that Sokka's coping mechanism has made him suppress all memories of Kya and replace them with memories of Katara in order to attain a semblance of normalcy.

Both Katara and Sokka had very different ways of coping with Kya's death. Katara pressed down her feelings and tried her best to pretend to ignore them while Sokka partially succeeded in forgetting her.

When Katara first hears these words she is shown to be crying. But if she were to remember these very words while she was justifying herself infront of her own brother and a close friend for wanting to avenge her mother, it would've had a negative impact on her.

In her rage, she would've thought: "Of course he doesn't want to avenge mom. Because he doesn't think it's worth it and that's because he doesn't even remember enough of her to be mad about her death."

And for someone who has spent each day of the last 6 years trying to fill in the shoes of her mother and experiencing her absence everyday, the idea of forgetting her mother is a ridiculous concept to her.

Her thoughts would have quickly derailed to: "He didn't love her enough to remember her."

In light of these thoughts, saying "Then you didn't love her the way I did" doesn't feel out of the blue.

No, I am definitely not justifying what she said, I'm just laying out a possible explanation to why she said what she said.

Yes, she should've apologized to Sokka for this and I think that they definitely should've had a long conversation about their mother's death and how it affected them. Between Katara supressing her feelings and Sokka supressing his memories, i don't think they ever had this conversation.

But sadly we are given neither of these scenes.

Tl;dr: Everytime Katara mentions her mother, it's with good reason and I don't think it's fair to call a character toxic when they lack a mind to mouth filter for 5 minutes and say some mean things. And considering all that Katara has done for everybody, it isn't fair at all.

Peace out!

[innuendostudios]

Thoughts on... some funny games

[no spoilers to speak of]

Thoughts on Lair of the Clockwork God

The wisdom of the gaming cognoscenti insists that comedy is hard to do in video games. Having grown up with Monkey Island and Zork, I've never found this convincing. But one true thing is this: it's hard to write about comedic games. The ineffability of humor is hard enough to describe in less-interactive media; I can't even explain to my partner why Gretchen saying "I met January Jones once!" on You're the Worst busted me up, and they were sitting right next to me when she said it. Throw in the "you had to be there" nature of the player's active participation and I lose myself in a cornfield. The thing I found hilarious might come a beat to early for you, or not at all, or not be funny in text like it is in gameplay.

Why did I like Lair of the Clockwork God? It made me laugh.

The premise and particulars are a lot of "that could go either way." Ben and Dan - stars of Ben There, Dan That and Time Gentleman, Please! - have returned. Ben is still an adventure game star, but Dan has adopted platforming mechanics in an attempt to get with the times. So playing the game involves switching back and forth between a character who can leap across canyons but can't pick up items or talk to people, and one who can combine inventory but can't climb over a 3-pixel rock.

Does that sound potentially funny? Potentially grating? Yes to both!

The plot centers around our heroes trying to save the world from several simultaneous apocalypses and having to teach human emotions to a supercomputer in order to do so. (Don't ask.) These means, rather like Ben There, Dan That, traipsing through a number of fantasy worlds (read: computer simulations) until the correct emotion is provoked. This requires cross-genre cooperation: finding ways to get Ben to areas only Dan can access, getting Dan new power ups by combining objects in Ben's inventory (an act Dan insists on calling "crafting").

The best bits are at these intersections, when Dan's platforming is the puzzliest and Ben's puzzles take advantage of Dan's skills. Periodically the game gives you a Dan-centric platforming gauntlet the controls are NOT precise nor pleasant enough for, or a Ben-only moon logic puzzle that leaves you googling the walkthrough.

But I liked it! A lot. The genre-hopping seems to have invigorated the developers, Ben Ward and Dan Marshall. I discussed my favorite joke in Ben There, Dan That (in what is probably the least popular video I've ever made that wasn't asking for money), but was also dismayed that the game was never that clever again. But this one is, several times over! Progression here involves cheating your way to a better respawn zone, goofing around in game menus, exploiting "glitches," exiting out and loading up entirely other games. There is a lot of poking and prodding at what a game of this nature can or should be.

But, honestly? The only real selling point is... it was funny. The humor is as anarchic and metatextual as in previous titles, but it feels good-natured in a way BT,DT didn't. And there are, here and there, little bits of meat on its bones - the characters wondering if, as a couple thirtysomething white guys, the world hasn't left them behind, no longer comfortable with the juvenile humor of their youth but not really understanding the youth of today, but having not yet fully escaped the mentalities they used to hold. (There's an unspoken humor to Dan's idea of "modern" gameplay being 2D platforming mechanics, especially at a time when adventure games are significantly more popular than on his last outing; this is a good joke whether or not it's intentional.)

Also: this game contains the most poignant urinating-on-a-grave puzzle in gaming history, and you may quote me on that.

Having finished it months ago, I can't even remember what all the gags were that tickled me at the time. Comedy fades from memory faster than drama or frustration. Mostly I just remember having a good time.

Thoughts on The Darkside Detective

Here's a hook: sometime after the mayhem ends in Ghostbusters, The Exorcist, Evil Dead 2, or some other paranormal blockbuster that you watched over and over in the 90's until the VHS wore out, some overworked detective has to come into your town and piece together what the hell happened.

This is his story.

It's a good gag, and the devs wring every drop from it. Existing in a world where these things are commonplace and you have to fit them into some notion of "police procedure" is just funny. Like, it's one thing to have a running gag where you keep observing the moon in outdoor scenes, commenting, with increasing hostility, that its behavior is suspicious (it has been present at multiple crime scenes); it's a slightly different thing when, given the things you've encountered, the moon being the Big Bad is actually somewhat possible.

The game is divided into six main cases and three bonus DLC missions (which come included in the base game now, and the third of which is the proper ending/setup for the sequel). You are the cop tasked to deal with The Other Side - and, when The Other Side bleeds into our own world, its cops have to deal with you. You have a sidekick with a mental maturity of about 6, which I guess makes you the straight man. (You have to grade on a curve to find a straight man in this game.) And you solve tasks like rounding up escaped gremlins or finding an AWOL lake monster all juxtaposed with mundane problems like inter-office squabbles and having not bought your Christmas presents early enough. It's (pleasantly) lo-res and sparsely isolated, so the dialogue and premise do most of the work, but they are ably up to the task.

The gameplay... not so much. I'm an adventure game lifer, so I can put up with a lot of nonsense. It's mostly straightforward inventory puzzles and occasional minigames. Most of the puzzles are fine enough. As the cases progress, things get more involved, and the DLCs especially involve some awful moon logic. And the minigames are not above using that same jumping peg puzzle you've solved in a dozen other games already. So gameplay ranges from serviceable to irritating, but it mostly exists to string together funny lines and silly images. (Christmas mall elves being secretly in service to Krampus - that's the kind of thing we're talking about here.) You won't feel much guilt for opening up a walkthrough; the puzzles aren't why you're here.

The sequel has just been released, and both games are cheap, so check them out if you feel like smiling.

Thoughts on The Procession to Calvary

It's rare for a game to be hilarious to look at.

The Procession to Calvary takes its name from the Bruegel painting. It also takes all it's graphics from Renaissance oil paintings, and the designer delights in making famously rendered heroes and religious icons steal, stab, fart, and swear.

A strong Terry-Gilliam-with-After-Effects vibe is what we're describing.

You play as a lady knight from a war that's just ended, which sucks for you because, in this age of peace, you're no longer authorized to kill. And killing's, like, you're whole thing. But the one person your new, pacifist king wouldn't stop you from killing is the warlord you just deposed, who fled to the South. So you embark on a nonsensical journey to seek out the one human on Earth you are authorized to kill, because killing is just The. Best. Ever.

Of the three games we're discussing, this is the most overtly cheeky, and, at times, the most scatological. I could've done with a bit less scatology, if I'm being honest, but the cheekiness is very winning. As with Lair of the Clockwork God, a lot of jokes could go either way - a field of people being tortured and a woman on a blanket selling commemorative torture merch could be painfully try-hard. But something about the victims being seemingly everyone ever crucified or broken on the wheel in a famous painting, and having them writhe on their crosses in a way that is both gruesome and goofy, and having a cacophonous soundtrack of their screams and moans that you will now imagine every time you look at one of those elegantly elegiac paintings from now on... it works. That the music score is being played by an extremely jaunty piper who dances behind you just out of sword's reach as you traverse the field pushes it over the top.

Oh, and the puzzles, while never hair-pullingly obtuse, will leave you stumped at times. Push past that to get the proper ending, but, if you're sick of trying, you can, at any point, just start stabbing your way through problems. Which, again: it takes a very deft touch to make "protagonist resorts to violence" actually funny rather than lazy and obvious. And maybe, in another game, the perfect timing of every animation, the clever quips, the careful contrast of cathedrals and high-society music halls with gleeful sword-swinging wouldn't be enough. But something about it being frickin' Renaissance paintings carries it the last mile.

This is probably the basest game of the three, but it's also the one that made me giggle the most. Having a BFA that required several art history classes may have something to do with it. But check this thing out.

[flyingraijin]

Analysing Inside by Bo Burnham is simultaneously one of the most enlightening experiences I've ever had and also the worst thing I've ever done in my whole life.

[dean-winchesters-gardian-angel]

The Same bed - Chapter 4

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Summary: Friends are there to help each other out, but can they help falling for each other when all the long days they spend together turn into late nights they have and their reliance on each other.

Word count: 2544

Warnings: Fluff, angst, description of blood and injuries, nightmares, slow burn.

A/N: Chapter 4! Off we go. Read it enjoy and I’ll see you on the other side. There’s also a tag list, so be sure to tell me if you want in, as well as a masterlist so be sure to check it out. As are the latests, Unbeta’d all mistakes are mine.

Series masterlist 

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Dean didn't sleep that night, too busy cursing himself for hurting Y/N and simultaneously afraid he may have a nightmare. He had gotten up several times with the intention of going to her room and seeking forgiveness if she'd give it to him, though he wouldn't blame her if she refused. Instead, he'd pace around his room or make it as far as her door before heading to the bathroom to wash his face rather than knocking.

The next night Dean had been too exhausted to stay awake, now accustomed to getting around 8 hours he passed out some time just after 2 in the morning while everyone else slept soundly. Dean managed to get just over an hour of shut-eye before waking up to one of his worst nightmares. He jolted up with a scream though quickly cut himself off as to not wake anyone. Nevertheless, he was half a scream too late as Y/N sat up in her own bed wanting to go check on him but refused due to her own stubbornness.

Dean mumbled a 'son of bitch' before getting up and making his way to the kitchen to get started on some coffee. Dean was given about 2 hours to contemplate his idiocy towards Y/N before his brother found his way to the kitchen.

"Dean?"

"Huh? Hey, morning."

"Man, you look like trash."

"Oh, thanks you're not so bad yourself in the shorts." Sam looked to his running shorts before rolling his eyes.

"You always did give me a hard time for wanting to stay in shape."

"Hunting keeps you in shape, not some little jaunt you do every morning. Hey, speaking of, have you found any new cases seems like forever since we've killed a deserving asshat."

"I've been talking to Jody and Donna, they've got a lead on a vamp nest, said they're heading out in two days and we're more than welcome to tag along."

"So, tomorrow. What time."

"They wanted to hit it just after sundown. So, we would leave tomorrow morning if you're interested."

"Oh, I'm interested, give me some' to kill."

"Dean are you sure you're okay. You usually become self-destructive when you've got something going on, something you need to talk about."

"I'm fine, Sammy."

"I'd mention that Y/N isn't sleeping in your room anymore, but I think that'd just make you mad considering that's probably what's bothering you."

"So much for not mentioning it." Dean swallowed what was left in his coffee cup before washing it and setting it in the dry rack. He made his way back to his room hoping his brother would take the hint and leave for his run, which he did. Once he heard the bunker door shut Dean went back to the kitchen to have another cup of coffee. As he sat down the sound of footsteps padding down the hall alerting him that Y/N had awoken. Dean straightened his posture as she entered the kitchen making her way to the cabinet to fish out a mug without making eye contact.

"Morning Y/N."

"Oh my god! It speaks." She filled her mug before walking out having not looked him in the eyes once. Dean rested his chin in his palm kicking himself for having hurt her. After a deep sigh, he dragged his palm over his face closing his eyes momentarily allowing them some rest from the lights of the bunker. Dean strolled his way to Y/N's room and knocked on her door. He heard her sniffle some before the door swung open, Y/N standing in front of him, eyebrows raised clearly on her last nerve.

"I just wanted to let you know we've got a case tomorrow, with Jody and Donna, we've got to leave early-ish so, you know, you might want to pack today so you're not rushing. Anyway, just keeping you in the loop." Y/N looked at her best friend whose eyes were tired, red, and glossy, staring at the ground in front of him. She missed him, but she didn't know why he was angry at her.

"Thanks." She turned away from him intent on closing her door to block the view of the broken man she so deeply cared about and wanted to help, and he spoke.

"Y/N."

"Yeah?" Dean swallowed trying to think of what he wanted to say to her but came up with nothing. There wasn't anything specific he wanted to tell her in that moment he just wanted to be with her. In the same room sitting next to her, looking at her. He wanted to spend time with his best friend whom he had been missing lately but if there was one person more stubborn than Y/N it was Dean.

"Nothing...nothing." With a sad smile and a sigh, Dean walked to his own room with the aim of avoiding her, once again, all day.

Dean listens as Y/N played her music in her room and smiled when the Grease love song came though it wasn't given a chance to finish before Y/N skipped it. He could hear his brother and Y/N talking in the library during the day occasionally finding something funny as they giggled in unison. He missed having her, missed being the one laughing with her, or even just talking with her.

Nearing the end of the day, Dean made his way out of his room for the first time that to grab a snack before trying his hand at some forty winks, wanting to be rested up before their hunt tomorrow. The energy of the room sizzled to nothing as he entered the kitchen. Sammy and Y/N were sitting next to each other looking at pictures of haircuts on the internet.

"Seriously Sam, I've been cutting my own hair my whole life. Just let me add a little shape to it. A little trim here and there I can make you look like the handsome devil you really are."

"I'm not letting you cut my hair. I don't trust you not to just cut it all off. Besides, I don't—" Both their eyes looked up to Dean as he stood in the doorway observing their interaction. Once he noticed their gaze he moved to the counter, pulling a bowl from the cupboard and reaching for the box of cereal.

"Sam and I made pasta if you're hungry for real food." Dean looked over the noodles as his tummy growled, licking his lips.

"Dean, just have some, we're not gonna finish it. It'll just end up going to waste." He hesitantly looked over his shoulder forcing a smile to Y/N who had the smallest one of her on her face. She watched him as he traded his bowl for a plate. Dean plated himself some of the homemade food before Y/N gestured at the spot in front of herself and Sam along with the parmesan on the table. Dean took a seat not wanting to be impolite more so than he'd already been.

"Anyway, I'm trying to convince Sam to let me trim his hair."

"You're not touching my hair with a ten-foot pole."

"Oh, come on Sam it grows back. You'll see, it'll look really good and you won't even want to grow it back. Won't be in your eyes anymore, won't distract you during hunts, monsters won't be able to grab at it. You know I make a good case."

"Sure. But you're still not cutting my hair." Meanwhile, Dean was silently moaning at the flavours on his plate. Y/N watched as the eldest closed his eyes savouring the taste, before he spoke, displaying his voice to them for the first time since the early morning.

"This is kind of amazing. I don't think I've ever had spaghetti this amazing. What jar did you guys use?" Referring to the sauce that had his taste buds dancing on his tongue.

"Actually, Y/N made the sauce."

"My mum used to make these gigantic pots of spaghetti sauce and freeze it so we could have it whenever we want. I was missing it, so I made some from memory. It's not hers but I think it turned out alright. I know I missed something, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was." Dean looked up, his mouth full, to the women speaking, no longer focusing on him rather in her head desperately searching for the missing ingredient, as he swallowed.

"You made the sauce? From scratch?"

"Uh-huh. Yeah, I mean it's not really that hard just time consuming, you have to let it simmer for a little bit, but I think it's worth it. Once in a while at least."

"You mind if I have more?"

"Go right ahead. Sam and I both already had seconds." Dean finished what was left and helped himself to more before moving back to his spot at the table.

"Sam promised to make me the 'Winchester Surprise' one day? Said you used to make it for him." Sam looked to his brother who reminisced, thinking back to the worst meals he had prepared for his baby brother.

"It was terrible. Sam that's — to repay her for this. Seriously Y/N you won't want to eat anything we make for the rest of your life. It was god awful."

"As much as I believe you because I do, by the description, Sam gave me, oh boy, I'll still be the judge of that." Dean chuckled at her retort missing her effortless comebacks and modesty when it came to the things she was good at, though he found it frustrating when she didn't accept the compliment he'd give her. He wanted her to brag about how many Djinns she could kill in a week, or in this case how good the sauce was instead of saying it wasn't perfect, so he'd done it for her, telling his brother when she would do something 'awesome', as he'd put it, that made him feel proud to call himself her friend. The guilt he felt was sudden and overwhelming. Even after he'd gone days without speaking to her, after pushing her away so abruptly, she was still offering him dinner, the conversation, the casual smile, the eye contact. How he longed for her eye contact. She had always been able to communicate with him with her eyes. He craved her gaze, how her orbs would sparkle when she was happy or grow dark when hooded with anger. But the thing he loved the most about her eyes was the fact that when they looked into his, it was like nothing else mattered. He could see he had her attention, and he wouldn't want to look away.

"I'm—ehem— I'm heading to bed, didn't sleep well last night, gonna try to rest up before our hunt tomorrow." Dean looked to Y/N who had a saddened look on her face, clearly angry and confused as to why Dean wouldn't let her help him. When he noticed the look on her face, he realized his words and quickly made up an excuse for why he couldn't sleep hoping to ease Y/Ns mind indirectly.

"Maybe it was a full moon, could never sleep well during a full moon."

"Full moon was last week Dean." Y/N answered him with an unreadable expression along with it. He didn't respond in an effort to save what dignity he had left. He forced a smile in Y/Ns direction as he passed by, once he'd finished cleaning his dishes.

"You mind telling me what's going on between the two of you Y/N?"

"Honestly Sam I haven't got the slightest."

"I know you two were sharing a bed... was that like—"

"If you're suggesting that we were a thing then no. He slept better when there was someone in the room with him, so I was that someone. Then out of the blue, he got distant and said he didn't need me anymore so." She shrugged not sure how to further explain their recent exchanges. "I know he's not through with the nightmares though because I heard his screams last night. I didn't check on him 'cause I was angry at him saying they were done, and he didn't need me anymore, but it was petty. I wanted him to stew in his nightmare, remember how bad they were before I told him I'd stay. I just don't understand him, I didn't do anything to warrant his actions. I haven't bothered asking why he's mad at me and even if I did, he'd just ignore me some more so what's the point. He's being a child. He's acting like I killed his brother when really all I'm trying to do is cut his hair." Her joke succeeded in lightening the mood as Sam chuckled moving to the sink to clean off his plate.

"You're a good influence on him, you know?"

"Why's that."

"Well for starters, he washed his plate."

"Oh yeah, I yelled at him this one time for leaving a mess, which I'm pretty sure was actually mine from the night before, but he hasn't left dirty dishes since so I guess it all worked out." Sam outright laughed at that before excusing himself to prepare for bedtime.

By the time 8 o'clock rolled around the bunker was silent, everyone in their respective bedrooms reading or watching a little telly before getting some rest. Due to the lack of sleep the nights prior and the upcoming hunt, Dean closed his eyes tight willing the nightmares away as he gripped his sheets. It didn't take him long to doze off though and it didn't last long before he was startled awake by Y/Ns voice. "Dean! Wake up!" She looked terrified, holding Dean down by his shoulders. "You idiot. Get up."

"Y/N? Why? What's—" She dragged him out of bed to the bathroom.

"Look at your hand Dean." She could hear the anger in her voice frustrated with him for refusing her help. The help they both knew would work. Dean looked down at the palm she hadn't grasped as she marched him down the hall like a child in trouble. It was bleeding, trailing down his fingers, shards of dark glass still imbedded in the tender skin of his palm.

"How did—" It came out as a whisper, laced with sleep as he did his best to orientate himself. Y/N turned on the light in the bathroom before forcibly sitting him on the lid of the toilet.

"You must have grabbed the beer bottle on your nightstand in your sleep." Y/N had pulled out the first aid kit they had stored under the sink along with a pair of tweezers, kneeling in front of the older Winchester.

"Y/N you don't have to—"

"I swear Dean if you tell me you don't need my help one more time I swear," she looked up from his palm to glare at him, "I’m going to tie you down until you get past... what ever this is." She didn't break eye contact with him until he nodded, shamefully looking down at the injury he only now started to feel.

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Chapter 5 ~~ Out now!

Tag List: @akshi8278​ @bargedog @just-someone-difficult​ @mila-dans​ @valhallavxlkyrie​

Series Tags: @autobotgirl15-blog​ @classyunknownlover​ @laycblack​ @lovememisha​ @music-is-all-i-need​ @redbarn1995​ @wellfuckmyexistence​

[stillness-in-green]

Part 2 of the response to this ask:

Part 1 was about where I think Geten’s story is going, and if I think it’s likely that Dabi will kill him; it dealt mainly with how those characters are set up in canon. Part 2 is far more about the fandom, and the assumptions people make that lead them to theories like the one above--specifically, the assumption that the League was always planning on bailing on the PLF. Hit the jump below with me and I'll go over why I think the common arguments for that are misguided at best, and willfully misreading the text at worst.

WARNING: Contains some generalizations about parts of the fandom that I have mostly taken steps to avoid seeing on my dash, so some of my characterizations may be out of date. I’ve tried to desalinate this post as much as possible, but as an unapologetic fan of the MLA and of Spinner (who I do not bring up incidentally), this is a topic I feel particularly strongly about. Apologies, but I Have Seen Things.

DISCLAIMER: I like Geten better than Dabi. I don't think he's better developed; I don't think he's a better character--I just like him better. This is largely down to the fact that I find the MLA fascinating from a worldbuilding perspective and its members compelling personally, whereas I’m less interested in Dabi personally than I am the Todoroki Drama on the whole, and have been tired of Fanon Dabi for approximately 83 years. I’ll also be the first to admit that my take on Dabi is pretty mercenary--hardly the irredeemable psychopath the Hero Stans on Twitter see, but nothing close to Secretly Soft Big Brother Touya, either. If that’s not your bag, you may want to skip this one.

So, here's a bullet point list of the reasons I have personally seen on why the League was always planning to turn on the MLA:

Dabi and Toga mention "getting started early," and Shigaraki mentions a plan, suggesting that the League had a plan in place independent of the one they arranged as the PLF.

Shigaraki says he won't forgive the Liberation Army for messing with peoples' feelings, so he would never really mean it when he forges an alliance with them.

The MLA is quirk supremacist, like Endeavor, so Dabi would never work with them.

Dabi is just using Skeptic against Skeptic's will; it’s not a willing partnership.

Mr. Compress rejects the PLF moniker for Shigaraki, ergo Mr. Compress didn’t genuinely associate Shigaraki and the League with the PLF.

Toga hated Curious, so she wouldn't want to work with the MLA either.

Twice would never forgive them for what they did to Giran.

[Error: argument about Spinner's opinion on the PLF not found.]

So, let's go over those, shall we? Note that a lot of what I'm going to lay out below isn't conclusive. What I want to establish is simply that the canonical evidence isn't conclusive, certainly not as much so as the people who support this view espouse.

|| Dabi and Toga mention "getting started early," and Shigaraki mentions a plan, suggesting that the League had a plan in place independent of the one they arranged as the PLF.

In responses to my recent Overhaul post, I defended Viz’s official translation as an accurate rendering of the dialogue in question. In general, I feel like Caleb Cook is pretty reliable in his translations, if sometimes kind of stiff or dry in localization. However, there are times he makes assumptions about lines--as indeed a translator for a currently-running series will sometimes have to--and sometimes, those assumptions don’t pan out. This is one of those times.

Dabi's line, "Shall we get started early?" is based on an assumption Cook made about a line that doesn't have an actual subject. In the original dialogue--Hayame ni hajimaru ka--there is no “we,” not even in the form of some implicit collective in Dabi’s grammatical inflection, nor is there a question of "should." All Dabi’s doing is musing that the start (again, there’s no subject, and so no indication of the start of what, or the start as initiated by who) is happening early.

Toga's line communicates much the same, save that she does specify that the schedule/plan/arrangement is happening earlier than expected--which is totally true, since her line is in response to Dabi observing that Machia moving must mean Shigaraki's awake, and Shigaraki was supposed to be down for another month.

Shigaraki's line, like Dabi's, lacks a subject to describe what exactly is supposed to start as soon as Shigaraki wakes. He's saying something that would, in a more stilted way, be, "I wake up and then it's the start, right?"

None of these lines suggest that the characters are necessarily talking about any plan other than the one the PLF laid out. Yes, it looks somewhat damning that Shigaraki's first action (after getting himself a cape, anyway) is to have Machia bring him the League, but heck, maybe that was always the plan. Just because Shigaraki wants to rejoin his comrades doesn't mean the rest of the PLF didn't already have machinations that they were supposed to set into motion the moment Machia left. After all, the plan as Hawks understood it did involve simultaneous attacks on major cities--maybe the League was going to be spearheading one of those attacks. Further, Shigaraki knew something was wrong from the moment he regained consciousness, and we don’t know how that knowledge affected the call he made. Hell, maybe the original plan was for the League to be brought to meet him somewhere in a chartered limo; we don’t know.

It's telling that this idea that the League had a Secret Plan to screw over the MLA rarely seems to account for Mr. Compress and Spinner being confused over the suddenness of events. The response to questions about this seems to be that the "villain trio" knew about it, so the ignorance of the rest of the League can just be handwaved--the important members knew, and that's enough. This is ungenerous towards both Twice and Mr. Compress, but I have got particularly little time for Spinner, the narrator of MVA and guy who decided to devote his all to Shigaraki, being disrespected in this fashion. More on that later.

|| Shigaraki says he won't forgive the Liberation Army for messing with peoples' feelings, so he would never really mean it when he forges an alliance with them.

Shigaraki does say he won't forgive the MLA, but consider what he did to the MLA and its leader. He destroyed most of their stronghold, killed scores of them, is directly responsible for Re-Destro losing his legs, and saw that vaunted descendant of Destro about six inches shy of full forehead-on-the-ground dogeza. The League Shigaraki commands killed a great many more of them, including one of their inner circle. He commandeered the Liberation Army, its resources, and its grand cause. I think it’s safe to say he’s more than responded in kind!

I'm not saying Shigaraki feels for the MLA the same way he does about the League, far from it, but I do think he's practical enough after two hundred chapters of character development not to throw them away out of spite. In Chapter 246, he tells Ujiko explicitly, "When someone offers me something, I take it," and, "I'm done taking the heroes lightly. I'll use everything I've got to obliterate the dregs All Might left behind." From a purely practical standpoint, if he intends to throw everything he has at the heroes, he has no reason to throw the MLA under the bus, and 116,000 reasons to keep them around. I'm altogether sure that, so long as they stood to be useful to his plans, he would have kept them around.

|| The MLA is quirk supremacist, like Endeavor, so Dabi would never work with them. + || Dabi is just using Skeptic against Skeptic's will; it’s not a willing partnership.

I hadn’t seen the second point in the wild, but I suppose it must be how the “The League will betray the MLA” theorists are getting around Dabi and Skeptic’s clear collaboration and how that collaboration totally scuttles the first point, huh? Hilarious.

Anyway, setting aside the fact that Dabi showed up to the one planning session we were shown when even Geten didn’t, there’s evidence in the canon that Dabi was working with Skeptic since even before the raid. Consider that Dabi’s video was filmed at the villa (the wall paneling and the style of the couch both match) and ask yourself where the camera he used came from. Once the filming was complete, where was the video stored such that Skeptic could access it from his laptop? If Dabi’d had it on an SD card and Skeptic was seeing it for the first time, why didn’t Spinner, Compress and Toga watch it alongside him? Surely Skeptic would need to watch it through at least once to know when to splice in the footage of Jin’s death for maximum dramatic impact? On that note, by far the most telling piece of evidence is this: if Dabi wasn't already working with Skeptic, then why was he wearing one of Skeptic's body cameras during his confrontation with Hawks?

Further, Skeptic's protest when he’s pulled onto Machia isn't that he doesn’t want to be with the League; it’s that he doesn’t want to leave Re-Destro behind. Once he's resigned that it's going to happen, though, he's cocky about his talents and complimentary of Dabi's big reveal, even if he is exasperated about the League's antics. It's ambiguous, I admit, but given that Dabi's wearing his cameras, he had to have known Dabi had a reason for them--and given that he is both abrasive and mouthy, I can’t imagine he wouldn’t have demanded to know what that reason was.

Hell, Dabi even thanks Skeptic for his editing work, which is more direct positive approval than he's ever shown anyone in the League (give or take the high-five with Twice, which, genuine or not, he would have known he was doing on camera). That much-vaunted panel of Spinner telling Toga to come back to the League? Dabi's grinning, which in isolation you could read as a certain rueful affection, but with the full context of the chapter, it becomes apparent that Dabi is grinning at Skeptic's laptop, seconds after telling Skeptic to "hurry up." Skeptic is, at that moment, probably gearing up the video to project nationwide, and Dabi’s more focused on that than he is Toga’s crisis, even when Compress directly appeals to him for aid. He tells Compress he doesn’t care, the same way he told Hawks he doesn't give a damn about the League.

Let me be clear here: I'm inclined to take Dabi at his word. I think Dabi hangs around the League because, for all that he says one man's conviction can shake the world, he also knows his own limits, and the League offers safety in numbers and an avenue to pursue his revenge. Maybe he finds them acceptable enough company, maybe he even does like them a bit despite himself, but I think any affection he might have for them is entirely incidental to his views on their usefulness. In the same way, while he's willing to bail on the MLA when the heroes attack, I don't think it was his plan to do so, especially not given his apparent immediate regard for Skeptic, as seen in the deleted scene here. Sure, he dislikes Geten, but ultimately, Geten is a stupid kid too tied up in his care for Re-Destro--who's now worshipping the ground Shigaraki walks on--to really be getting in Dabi's way.

Maybe if the MLA really were as quirk supremacist as Geten makes them out to be, Dabi would be actively looking for a way to see ‘em burn, but as I’ve said countless times before, Geten is not a reliable narrator vis a vis the MLA's doctrine. Now, obviously I don't expect Dabi to give them an unearned benefit of the doubt,(1) not after what he heard Geten say, but if Dabi has been working with Skeptic, it doesn't take a genius to realize that while Anthropomorph is a perfectly good quirk, it is categorically not what primarily defines Skeptic’s "worth" in the MLA societal microcosm.

Nothing that Skeptic does reflects the way Geten talks about "elevating one's ability" or "sheer strength" in the way that HeroAca fandom tends to understand as referring to flashy and offensive quirks. And yet, Skeptic is a ranked advisor warranting an introductory panel with RD's inner circle and Geten is not. Perhaps, just perhaps, this might have led Dabi to reevaluating his initial assessment just slightly?

|| Mr. Compress rejects the PLF moniker for Shigaraki, ergo Mr. Compress didn’t genuinely associate Shigaraki and the League with the PLF.

So, this one's pretty wild, because, in the same chapter that had people crowing about Mr. Compress's dialogue, Mr. Compress's actions show the exact opposite of the conclusion this theory would demand. Specifically, if it was always the League's plan to ditch the MLA, Mr. Compress would have darted right past Skeptic, ignoring the man's cries for help. He doesn't--he picks Skeptic up on the way past and (at least in the volume corrections) deposits him safe with Dabi in Spinner's scarf. Of course, Skeptic still stands to be useful, but if one acknowledges that Skeptic's usefulness is reason enough not to abandon him, then what exactly is the argument for leaving 116,000 perfectly useful warm bodies behind?

But let's set aside Compress rescuing Skeptic and focus on the actual point, because that point in itself is still flawed. Mr. Compress's thoughts on the PLF in the specific talk bubble in question are somewhat ambiguous. It's another case of the Viz translation making a couple of assumptions that are just that--assumptions.

Compress's words in the Japanese are as follows:

Chōjō Kaihō Sensen.… Viran rengo no Shigaraki Tomura ga…

Viz then renders the line like so:

The Paranormal Liberation Front's… No, the League of Villain's Shigaraki…

Note that in the Japanese, the possessive no is only included once, to indicate Shigaraki's association with the League. Further, the original doesn't indicate any negation in Compress's thoughts. Yes, he could be rejecting the PLF association for Shigaraki, but he could as easily be narrowing his scope to Shigaraki as the figure he represents to the League, rather than the figure he represents to the PLF--not rejecting wholesale, but rather becoming more specific. Compress might also be thinking first of the PLF as a general organization, then narrowing down to Shigaraki specifically.

Rather than reading this line as an indication that Compress regards the PLF as temporary, I was heartened by the fact that Compress thought about the PLF at all! If the League really had been planning to discard them this entire time, then there's no reason for Compress to have ever taken the Front seriously enough to have thought about them in that moment of crisis. You can carry this back further, too. In Chapter 258, when Twice is asking Hawks for help, he says that Spinner and Compress have been in meetings for days. Coupled with Compress's first thought about the entity that will carry out Harima's desired reformation being the Liberation Front (or possibly "the Liberation Front's Shigaraki"), this indicates to me that Compress was taking it seriously, not just gorging himself on sushi on the MLA's dime.

Indeed, back in Ujiko's lab, when it was just Shigaraki talking about his backstory and his dreams of destruction, Compress looks the opposite of impressed; we know from his narration in 294 that he liked the League because they didn't place any importance on one another’s pasts. Yet, at some point, his view shifted to believing that fulfilling his ancestor's ambition, his bloodline’s duty, really might be back on the table. We as readers don't quite know when that shift happened, but given, again, his initial mental invocation of the PLF, I think we can assume that it's tied to that alliance, those resources. And sure, when the moment of crisis happens and he's really defining who and what Shigaraki is to him, and where his values and priorities lie, it's with the League and Shigaraki as the leader of the League. But that doesn't mean he never had his hopes for the PLF at all, or was partaking in plans to ditch them.

Also too, this is a man who was lamenting the loss of their partnership with Overhaul, a man who personally maimed him, on top of killing a comrade. You're telling me the guy who shrugged off his animosity towards Overhaul would willingly allow the League to plot sabotage against even wealthier collaborators against whom he has even less reason to hold a grudge? Come on, guys.

|| Toga hated Curious, so she wouldn't want to work with the MLA either.

This one's easy: Toga pretty explicitly hated Curious, but she's even more explicit that she likes the MLA because she thinks the world they want to create is wonderful. She says this verbatim at the end of 225, after Curious has spent the entire chapter hounding her with explosions and intrusive questions. What turns her animosity on Curious is not some reveal that the MLA's world would be terrible after all, but Curious calling Toga's "normal" miserable and tragic. Essentially, she doesn't object to the world the MLA wants to bring about; she objects to being turned into a martyr for that world, especially when that martyrdom requires that the things that make Toga happy be characterized as horrific misfortunes.

Toga doesn't like Curious; she kills Curious. And then she comes into a position of leadership, and we don't know a lot about how that position takes her, but she seems delighted to be walking out onto the stage to be announced as such, and she makes active contributions to the discussion of the PLF's plans in Chapter 245. We are, again, given no indication that her lethal response to Curious means that she's planning to ditch the MLA on the whole.

Incidentally, Curious asserts what she does about Toga only in the context of the world as it stands. The world's rejection of Toga's normal, and the extremes that rejection drove Toga to, are what Curious considers tragic and miserable, not Toga's fascination with blood in and of itself. She clearly believes that, in the world the MLA envisions, Toga's life would not be so miserable because she would never have been oppressed to the degree that she snapped. And frankly, Curious isn't wrong. The only reason she is a villain in that scene is that she's willing to murder Toga to project that tragedy to the world. If she'd been willing to sit down and have a civil interview with Toga to print it in a relevant magazine, she would have been fine.

|| Twice would never forgive them for what they did to Giran.

You know, this is a totally fair point. It is, however, somewhat complicated by the fact that Giran himself never left the PLF. Now, there’s almost certainly something to be said about Giran’s whole information broker shtick being terminally compromised by his capture, his maiming, his client list being hacked, etc. He had a bunch of identifying items strewn all over the country that were covered in the national news, items that people who associated with him closely certainly would have recognized. Maybe he’s laying low for a while?

I don’t know why Giran was still around by the time of the raid. I can theorize about his pragmatism or what have you, but the canon really doesn’t give us anything to go on. Still, if he really hated the MLA all that much, as he would be totally justified in doing, it’s pretty bizarre that Horikoshi showed him twice in PLF crowd scenes post-Deika looking nothing worse than kind of confused and uneasy. Heck, you’d think he would at least have merited a better seat in the crowd for the big merger announcement.

Giran aside, the fact that Twice never does hit it off with anyone in his regiment is, I think, telling. If there’s anyone in the League that intentionally kept himself at a distance from the MLA because of hard feelings, it’s likely Twice. After all, if he had befriended anyone, he presumably wouldn’t have needed to go to Hawks for tutoring almost an entire month after Deika. That said, the fact that Twice does go running to Hawks for tutoring shows that he’s at least doing his best to act in accordance with what he thinks Shigaraki and the rest want. That doesn’t preclude the League having a secret plan that he’s either in on and playing along with, or hasn’t been told about because he might not be able to stop himself from vocalizing about it. Still, while absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, obviously absence of evidence is not evidence of presence. So, lacking any sign that the rest of the League is planning treachery, I’m not inclined to assume Twice’s lack of forgiveness is indicative of anything other than his own feelings.

|| [Error: argument about Spinner's opinion on the PLF not found.]

:: INCOMING SALT WARNING :: INCOMING SALT WARNING ::

This is the one that really gets to me. I have never seen an argument that the League is planning to betray the PLF that convincingly explains the fact that Spinner, to all available evidence, threw himself wholeheartedly into trying to make the PLF succeed. To be more precise, I have seen one explanation, and that explanation is that the plan to ditch the MLA was a secret that only Shigaraki, Dabi and sometimes Toga knew about, and to reiterate, that is bullshit.

In my experience, this is an explanation proposed by people who care about Spinner only insofar as he can be a Soft Gaymer Boyfriend or score them rhetorical points, but have little to no interest in his ongoing--and, indeed, increasing--importance to the League generally and Shigaraki’s arc specifically. The dude who talked about how Twice’s home was the League, who got through to Toga while still respecting her choice when no one else could, the guy who recognized the hollowness within Shigaraki but also bonded with him over video games, the man who Mr. Compress said was Shigaraki’s most devoted follower(2)--this man did not do all of that for people in this fandom to say, “Oh, well, the others probably just kept it a secret from him because they thought he’d be bad at lying.”

Really? “Bad at lying?” And that’s an adequate justification, is it, for Shigaraki letting Spinner toil for months under false pretenses? For lying to the man who adores him the most? Of course it isn’t, but the people who theorize this don’t really care about Spinner’s adoration for Shigaraki, or the fact that Shigaraki rewarding Spinner’s feelings by allowing him to dedicate himself unstintingly to something Shigaraki was planning to discard from the beginning would be a blatant abuse of Spinner’s trust.

I have never seen anyone try to argue that Spinner was in on a plan to betray the MLA all along. That’s because it’s patently obvious that Spinner--forthright, direct Spinner, who named the merged organization with Re-Destro, spends all his time in meetings, has a direct exchange with Re-Destro about the state of their plans, and is probably the reason RD started wearing polka dots--went all-in on the PLF. But for the people who propose the “the League was always going to bail” theory, Spinner and his labors are an afterthought.

Spinner is not an afterthought. Where Mr. Compress has been captured, Toga could hypothetically be peeled away from the League via Uraraka, and Dabi almost certainly will be peeled away via the Todoroki plot, Spinner’s driving motivation at this point is Shigaraki himself. He connected to Shigaraki’s nihilism, his hatred, but also his humanity--the humanity in Shigaraki Tomura, not in Shimura Tenko. His empathy didn’t spring from contrived psychic glimpses of crying 5-year-olds, but from long months of observation, doubt, and gradually deepening wonder. He’s the only person currently with Shigaraki that I can see caring enough about Shigaraki’s welfare that he might sacrifice his own goals and desires to help Deku save him.

Spinner is not an afterthought, and I refuse to build or entertain theories that treat him that way. So as to his opinions on the MLA? Despite having his own reasons to be leery of them based on how shabbily Trumpet treated him, he was obviously trying to make the Paranormal Liberation Front succeed, which means he must have believed that Shigaraki wanted it to succeed. Therefore, unless you’re prepared to assert that Shigaraki (and everyone else who was in on it!) was cruel enough to lie to Spinner about something he was devoting so much time and energy to, the inescapable conclusion is that Shigaraki also wanted the Front to succeed.

(Note: After letting a friend pre-read this, I have been informed that there is, in fact, one explanation offered for Spinner knowing the League was going to abandon the PLF but working his ass off on the venture anyway, and that explanation is, “Something something wants to prove himself because low self-esteem.” This is so ridiculous I can’t even bring myself to edit this post accordingly. Low self-esteem! Because nothing would alleviate Spinner's low self-esteem like toiling for months over something that holds no worth to the people he actually cares about, right? Right?? Bah. Humbug!)

And but so, to wrap all that up: I fundamentally disagree that the League viewed the Paranormal Liberation Front as a temporary arrangement, at least to the extent that they were actively planning to betray their newfound--new won--allies. The fact that I don't think the League intended to discard the MLA out of hand does, thus, influence my opinion that, whatever Geten's fate will be, I'm pretty sure it's not going to be, "He gets murdered in a way that resembles nothing so much as a sick revenge fantasy dozens of chapters after the last point when such a death would have been remotely tonally appropriate."

Thanks for the ask, anon! Sorry about-- *waves at all of this*

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(1) Not that Mr. “Burns Random Delinquents Alive For Not Measuring Up To His Standards For Villainy” has any moral standing to criticize others for how they determine the value of peoples’ lives, mind.

(2) Other translations for the verb in Mr. Compress’s Japanese line of, “You are the one who ____s Shigaraki the most,” include yearn for, long for, pine for, miss, love dearly, adore, idolize, and revere. “Most devoted follower” is accurate enough, but considerably less homo than some of the things we could have gotten there.