#it will just unalive me or it wont

[caracolcondiarrea]

I think I'm not going to put anymore #sorry if I misspelled anything. because I just got the frecking C1 and I was 9 points away from the C2. If I misspell anything I don't care (but correcting me would be nice)

[killmeprettypleasee]

Price x Ftm!lieutenant!Reader general dating hcs pls and tyy

Dating headcanons W/ John Price.

Warning: SFW AND NSFW mentioned, clingy price, mentions of killing someone, slightly possessive Price, switch Price and switch reader.

SFW

Before you and Price started dating, the two of you are already close friends, you two joined the military together and trained together back then before you guys are in your current ranks.

He is very sweet to you and supports you being a trans person.

He found out you were trans waaaayyyy back then, and the way he reacts was kinda random..

"Wait.. so your one of those transformers robots????" He looked at you dumbfounded as he scanned the surgery scars on your chest.

He was very confused.. but still supports you!

When someone was being toxic to you he WILL and not hesitate to unalive them.

He loves you too much see😭

He'll give them the coldest death stared making their bones quiver in fear.

He will cuddle you, and be hella clingy.

Imagine.

You both at the halls of the base and he's just hugging you, not caring if anyone is watching.

He would call you to his office to just hold you and have you sit on his lap.

Hell, every once i a while he'll make you skip training just to have you there with him..

He will never let you out of his sight.

NEVER.

You're his sunshine afterall, his Marshmellow to the hot cocoa, his sauce to the spaghetti, his peach to the eggplant (okay thats just weird..)

When you're both at home, he wouldn't let you go out to buy groceries and insisted that he should be the one buying.

He's just scared because he overthinks that someone will kidnap you.

He doesn't even care if you know self-defense 💀

When both of you go out on a date he'll take you out to the beautiful restaurants ever, but he rather keep it simply

He'll even buy you beautiful clothes to match your date.

One time both of you went to a Chinese sea food restaurant that serves raw and fresh sea food.

He bought himself those tentacles cus he wanna try them out.

End up sticking to his face.

Both of you gotta go to the doctor cus the tentacles suction wont let go.

He was traumatized and both of you never went to those fresh sea food restaurant.

NSFW

After ever date there should a spicy intimate time with him.

He would bend you over when you both in your car or at your house.

Just somewhere private where both of you could fuck.

He loves dominating you, but sometimes he also likes it when you're the one dominating him

He likes it when you overstimulate him till he's a whining mess when you're taking the lead.

You just loos so sexy ontop him while riding his cock while calling him a good boy.

It makes his cock twitch when you do that.

And the way you moan just sends him over the edge.

But when he's the one in control he would bend you over doggy style and hit your prostate head on with his tip.

He absolutely loves when you moan out his name.

Its just so cute.

He likes raw sex.

He wanna make sure to mark your insides aswell your body to show who you belong.

He loves it when your cunt squeezed his cock.

He'll call you a good boy for that.

When both of you are more on the romantic side he'll be gentle and loving with you.

He'll caressed your body and worship you.

He loves touching your scars btw.

He thinks its fascinating.

"God baby.. you're so damn beautiful.. such a handsome boy eh?.." He softly praised against your ear as he touched your scars.

He grunted when your cunt tightened around him.

"You're getting so tight around me baby boy.. such a good boy huh?"

Yeh...

He sometimes think about having a child with you sometimes.

This man has an extreme breeding kink...

Sometimes he'll rub your lower belly while he's fucking you cunt, whispering praises while he day dream of getting you pregnant.

He's glad you have a cunt ngl.

He could just impregnate you anytime..

But you're still a soldier and you still wanna keep the job so he respects that.

He'll wait when he's allowed to Impregnate you.

But he wont stop fucking you raw.

Sooo you have no choice but to go on birth control🤷.

[ruifictiveapproved]

you all sitting here saying "but i want to keep posting my stuff! "i miss eating at ____" are so fucking selfish.

hi. im a child with cancer. currently, im in the hospital after a bad night. right now, im still looking and queueing post for the children and women and men in palestine. im not posting about my fandoms, im not going and ordering food from places who actively support Isreal just because i want it. its not a need. you will live without it. you know who might not live? me. theres a chance i won't go home tomorrow. you know who really wont live tho? who has a 0 percent chance of never going home? most Palestinians. theyre dead. over 47% of the pop is children. theyre dead people. not just "unalive" or "gone". no. theyre DEAD. "thats so graphic". THE GENOCIDE IS ACTIVELY GRAPHIC. CMON PEOPLE.

do you know how many have died because of the genocide?? take a moment and fucking think about it yeah??? so many have fucking died because of this genocide, that has been going on for years that we all ignored.

if you're going to sit here and not boycott, or tell me that its not a genocide and "palestine deserved it" get the fuck off my page. fuck you all for being selfish.

free palestine 🇵🇸.

[strykingback]

Jaune Arc. The most HORRENDOUS example of a FUCKING KNIGHT.

Trigger warning for this being a drunk as hell post because I decided to drink after a long day of Valentines BS and wanting to make thi post to make one teensy weensy Jaune Stan mad.

Oh yes Rooster Teeth and CRWBY I'm gonna fuckin' shit all over your useless-ass knight character. Why? Because I fuckin' can. So eat a whole ass fucking dick.

So you know Jaune Arc from RWBY right? Literally the "knight character" of the series right. WELL FUCKIN' WRONG. Cause this knight is the example of "I Wanna Be the Main Character" syndrome and literally betrays everything that a knight is meant to do.

So as we know Jaune is meant to be a reference or referred by his naming convention to the actual JOAN OF ARC

Joan of Arc who is well known as history's most bravest female knight of all time. Who had managed to push back many British soldiers all while she received a vision from God in order to continue her rage against the British invaders during the Hundred Years War. Now if we're talking about the Arthurian Legend then this talk would be hella different.

Now starting things off. What pisses me off the most is why wasnt Jaune a fucking woman to kick things off. Like one of the most influential knights in human history being reduced to a secondary wannabe "I wanna be the MC" head-ass boy. Like not gonna lie it would have been much better if he was one cause it would have made a lot more sense if their semblance was seeing events before they happened which woulda made more sense and would have fit Jaune's historical illusion.

But naw. Make his semblance the generic. "I Need Healing" head-ass.

now this would mean that he would be following the Code of Chivalry which this useless-ass knight has failed in so many levels. Take note that there are two Code's of Chivalry one from the Song of Roland and one from the Arthurian Legend of King Arthur. and the following two state.

Song of Roland’s Code of Chivalry: 

Fear God and His Church Serve the liege lord in valor and faith Protect the weak and defenseless Live by honor and for glory Respect the honor of women

King Arthurs version of the Code of Chivalry: 

Honor Honesty Loyalty Valor

Immediately right off the bat we know for certain that Jaune does not respect the honor of women especially in Vol 9 where Ruby has a whole ass mental break down but Jaune says "Oooh I M THE MAIN CHARACTER! YOUR JUST A FUCKIN' BITCH AND YOU NEED TO LET ME HAVE THE SPOTLIGHT" like tell me that is immediately a massive fail especially when Jaune had respected Pyrrha so much so to the point where this man had multiple different arcs over the course of what. six fucking seasons and still has not gotten over her death. Now yes he did follow through with Penny's Idea.... which was a horrendous idea not gonna lie....

Dude shes fuckin' dead. MOVE ON WITH THE LESSONS SHE HAS TAUGHT YOU. YA FUCKIN' REDDIT MOD LOOKING HEAD-ASS!!!!

Next would have to be Honesty has he literally cheated to get in. Now I count this as a half fail. cause he did prove to have potential in the earlier seasons of RWBY but at the same time. He lied to get into Beacon Academy. which only made me think.... what did Monty cook up for him before Rooster Teeth and CRWBY fucked everything . Another would have to be Loyalty which is a hardcore fail. As he assisted RWBY (aka the four terrorists) into literally destroying an ENTIRE FUCKIING KINGDOM. Actually TWO if you're counting Mantle. Which is just fucking stupid cause this man would warn people and then suddenly everything has to focus around him like once again "Main Character Syndrome." instead of Ruby Rose who IS SUFFERING IN VOLUME NINE!!! Oh Oh Oh. but wait theres more.

but then when Ruby does the Unalive congo and everyone is shocked.. guess what everyone has to hug Jaune cause he is going through shit. When Ruby had it worse!!!

Aka The Four Dumb Fucks who wont realize their Leader just unalived themselves and they just hug the "Main Character Syndrome: Jaune who is going through it instead of mourning Ruby.

What is there in Honor for a man who barely can honor a friends death no less in the "possible afterlife"

Valor- Dude is the example of I'm a fuckin' coward and I need assistance in order to harm the big fuckin' bad.

Loyalty- Jaune " I followed my friends to destroy an entire Kingdom" Arc.

Everybody Jaune Arc. Is Full o' bullshit and he is the worst example of a fuckin' knight who should never get an arc again!

[mellpoint]

Living Moments: 1-Lifelines

You ever sit and think, ‘Who is this entire world am I thankful for for keeping me here? For pushing me a little harder and a little further?”

I have. And as cliche as it may seem, I owe it all to my kids and my fiancé.

I know you’re probably thinking that I am crazy or sappy or whatever t is you may think, but truthfully, I couldn’t and wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them.

You see, before I met him or had my kids, I had already attempted to unalive myself 3 times, and I was only 17.

I met him when I was 18, and since then, throughout all the good and bad we have experienced, I wouldn’t ask or want anyone else next to me. He has helped me get out of my shell, he has taught me how to love myself. He has given me new experiences in life that I don’t think I would have had with anyone else or by myself. We have grown side by side slowly into the people we want to be and the person we want next to one another. We have learned new things from what the other one has interest in and we have found things to share as well.

I wont sit here and say that all this time it has been nothing but sunshine and rainbows, because it hasn’t. But even when all we did was argue for endless days, we still found ways to be there for one another. No matter how mad or disappointed we were with the other at the time, if one of us called the other needing help or whatever the situation may be, we were there in a heartbeat.

Now I still see him grow as an individual everyday but also as a father. And let me tell you, it is the most rewarding feeling in the world to see him grow and become the person he is today.

As for my two sweet blessings, I know I know. Everyone that has a kid say that they are their life line. But I truly mean it. If it wasn’t for my girl, my first born, I probably would’ve attempted my life once again. But she gave me a new way to see life. A new meaning to everything and an endless inspiration for life.

Being pregnant with her was amazing but it never truly hit that I was now a mother, not until I held her in my arms for the first time. It was as if my heart took its first beat and I had seen the most beautiful thing ever created in all of existence.

Ever since I have been learning and growing with her, because let’s be honest, no mater how many parenting books are out there, there is nothing and no one to prepare you for parenthood.

Then came my boy. My sweet chunky man. I couldn’t imagine not holding his weight every day. I couldn’t imagine waking up and not seeing his sweet adorable goofy smile. When I had him it was blessing. Had wished for a boy pretty much my whole life and now having him was like when a kid asks santa for something special and they finally get it. Having both a girl and a boy has been amazing simply because I have the best of both worlds. I have a mini me and I’m also a boys mom.

I feel bad at time because my girl as the oldest gets the learning version of me. Which in return means allot of mistakes. But don’t misinterpret that. I love them both equally yet differently. And I’m sure any other parent out there with both girl and boy would understand. It’s not that we love one more than the other. Or that we give one special treatments. It’s simply a different way to loving a girl vs a boy. Yet they both receive the same amount of love.

Now, I couldn’t imagine my life without any of them. These three individuals mean more to me than words would ever let me express. And ever time I am having the slightest bit of a bad time or a bad day, I just think, “If I can’t live without them, then they can’t live without me” and my entire day gets better. Having them in my life keeps me afloat.

They are honestly and wholeheartedly my life line.

-M

[psychoticwillgraham]

anyone else dreading the mass exodus of wattpad users to ao3 that’s inevitably gonna happen? if i have to constantly see ‘sewerslide’ and ‘grape’ and ‘unalive’ being used and more censoring im going to Explode and i just know that the hannibal fandom is gonna get hit real bad with this bc im also noticing the increase in ‘hannibal lecter is not a cannibal’ tagged fics lately and most stuff in general being poorly written. its gotten bad enough for me that i wont even look at the recently posted stuff anymore, just in the pre established collections.

that’s also why I’m very hesitant to start posting my new stuff once it’s finished

[antiv3nom]

as promised. everyone say hi to cecil my beloved beloved boy whom i have put through so much. so much. under the cut is a plain text transcription of the text on the image and also a more in-depth explanation of some of his lore and devil fruit and such if you might mayhaps be interested

the ref sheet reads:

Cecil

Linnet - Janus

Information Broker

> unallied, but works with all sides (navy, pirates, revolutionaries, etc.)

> notable clients include Law and Doflamingo

Devil Fruit User

Speak-Speak Fruit

—

okay so this is cecil <3 he is an underground information broker along the grand line and hes got PROBLEMS but ill get into those in a moment for now i gotta specify the stuff i put on the ref sheet

so his three names are cecil (his real chosen name), linnet (the name he uses among all of his clients), and janus (the name he's known by colloquially). for the most part no one knows his real name, most people will refer to him as one of the latter two (typically linnet if they've worked with him, janus if they've just heard of him)

his devil fruit is AT THE MOMENT named the speak-speak fruit, it's a paramecia type that allows him to influence others' perception of him with a skin-to-skin touch. it requires intent to be activated (not something that can happen accidentally unless he's under intense duress and can't control his powers), but once it's working, the target will see cecil as a close and trusted friend, making them much more willing to talk to and listen to him (though not more than they would be with an actual close friend). over time the ability wears off, and once it has worn off the affected parties are left with a feeling that something was off, and not sure why they felt as close to cecil as they did.

OH AND FOR CONTEXT WITH THE EXTRA DOODLE I INCLUDED when he overuses his devil fruit abilities he starts bleeding :]

i wont get into his whole entire backstory and plotline at the moment bc its a Lot already but the important notes are that he's involved in the dressrosa saga, providing information to all sides on the events that are going to take place, but in the end decides to help the straw hats in liberating dressrosa

only other note at the moment is about his tattoo! it's made up of a feather and two stars (matching those embroidered onto his coat) and is supposed to resemble a bass clef (hes got a songbird motif goin on. to me.)

anyways. this is entirely too much info. thank you for reading <3

[zerooup]

Cw. : Unalive

God fuckig damnit. I'm genuinely so tired of being the therapist friend, but the second I vent I'm brushed off or screamed at for not saying something sooner. I'm so frustrated, because I was busy helping a friend last night and my ex-mama dug into me for not telling them that they'd left a server and got upset with me on why I didn't tell them they left.

I don't know what I did but I feel like im crunching on bullets right now, Should I have kept my mouth shut? Should I have spoken up sooner? I don't know.. I feel like such a fucking failure for not saying anything till now, I didn't want people to bombard them after what happened yet I feel like such a dick for not saying anything.

i'm so tired. so. very.. tired... I'm tired. yet I can't fuckin cry about it because I'm expected to keep my eggs in a basket when in reality the basket isn't real and I'm chucking the eggs at the wall. I talk about wanting to end it because everything is getting so much worse and I'm told "Do it, no balls" I feel like I'm watching my ex grow farther and farther from me by the moment and im scared everyone is going to leave me again. They've done it once, what's stopping them from doing it again?

I'm tired of feeling like i'm in trouble for speaking up I'm tired of feeling like i'm in trouble for not speaking up I'm tired of feeling like i'm the one who tore the relationship apart I'm tired of feeling like i'm broken and missing what makes me whole. I'm tired of feeling like i'm the one in trouble. I'm tired of feeling like i'm the one that needs to spread information. I'm tired of feeling like i'm the one carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, with my ankles shackled together while still acting as if I could thrive in those conditions. I'm so fucking tired. I'm so tired. I'm Emotionally exhausted I'm Mentally exhausted. I'm Physically exhausted. I'm not able to do this on my own. I'm not able to do this period. I'm not able to do it. I can't do it. I'm tired of being in pain I'm tired of feeling like I was never enough I'm tired of feeling like this was all my fault. I'm tired of being so upset I get sick from it. I'm tired of being the only support for 30+ people that are 3 to 5 years older than me i'm tired of feeling like a therapist for my friends I'm tired of feeling like a therapist for my parents I'm tired of feeling like an adult. i'm just a kid damnit. yet i'm yearning to be a kid. i'm a failure. I can't even keep my mouth shut. i want to be okay i want to be there i want to finally fucking graduate.

yet i cant. because im lazy and unmotivated. no matter how much i tell them i don't understand the content, they wont let me pick a different class. because i get barked at when i'm on the call with other students. i am tired. i am done.

i give up.

I've been fighting a losing battle for 9 years. i think its time to rot away in my bed. -Freminet

[goth-oatmilk-latte]

my coworkers: sorry youre sick hope you feel better soon!!!

me, who has constantly been reliving the trauma of my fiance going absolutely apeshit while drunk saturday night and also the trauma of him tryna unalive so i wont leave him: ....haha yeah, stomach bug, im just really dehydrated today ill be back soon promise 💖😅

[nxdxxh3]

Hello.

I have not posted or reblog or whatever these things are called nowadays. Anyways, I bet no one reads this cus i just wanna give a life update to myself lmao.

I stopped visiting tumblr probably more than 5 years ago?? So around 2018 probably. Oh wow. Okay imma make a timeline then.

2018: I was with my ex boyfriend. Lets just call him A. Things started great then went downhill and i ignored all the red flags yadda yadda yadda typical young girl thats so positive im gonna end up with this guy. Well no. If i could turn back time, i would slap myself in the face and tell her to run. I actually cant remember much back then as im trying to forget everything 2020 and below. But what i did remember is how manipulative he is and a liar. But, i was in "love". I started my diploma this year and graduated already in 2019. We'll get to that year in a second. Anyways, he practically talked me into being with him rather than this really great dude i was dating before him and mind you he had a gf. In my defense, i didnt know as i said earlier, hes manipulative and a liar. The dude before him is from singapore and i was young and thought LDR wont work on me(boy i was wrong.) I needed the physical attention cus well, i was young.. But im glad i did met him physically cus we planned to meet in Johor and it was sweet. okay that got sidetracked but 2018 is like the 2nd year i was with A. During this year, it really went downhill. I started to fall into deep depression and my mental health was bad bad. Thats when i felt i wanted to unalive myself and hurt myself. and i did. the latter i mean. anyways he started working somewhere and i actually was sus about this bitch working there as well. Lets call her S for slut.

2019: Fast forward to 2019. This is the year i got a cyst on my left ovary. Due to reasons i rather not say but i will answer if by any chance someone read this and are curious so go ahead inbox me i guess. But definitely A was contributing to it. Whether directly or indirectly. So yeah, during that time it was bad. I lost my left ovary and i only have 1 now. How i found out you ask? (no one asked but) I had really unbearable pain on my abdominal area. The uterus area like non stop. I thought its the period cramps but i wasnt on my period that time at all. I found out a bit late so the cyst grew until 12cm and i saw it after the removal. Its the size of a baby's head! im not even exaggerating. Its really big. Anyways after the surgery, my family has been there for me. They're really the main reason why im still alive and well mentally and physically. That was in July. and i cant remember anything before that. so lets move on. Towards the end of the year, i found out that A was cheating on me. Not 1, but with 2 different girls. 1 is S and 1 is F. These random ass letters will get me confused but nvm. F is the ex gf. and the funny thing is, F was friends, best friends with S. LMAO. When i found out, the first thing i did was exposing him on my instagram sksk. I cant do anything and im not gonna stay quiet about it. so i just did that. and a lot of people came forward exposing more about him and S. So hes really active with S. Hes been going out, fucking her and F behind my back. and they both dont know about each other's situation btw until F saw my insta story and contacted me to meet up. and we did and i told her everything. all this time A was badmouthing me to his side pieces saying how much of a psycho i am, how i always beg him to stay (fuck no ew i always ask for break ups but he always have a way for words and actions). Like i said, hes manipulative and a liar. the fact he had the audacity to ask me to not stay mad for long as if im still gonna be part of this shitty hole. fuck no. i did confront S at that time and bro i really felt like i wanted to slap her face and drag her across the road but hey hes not that fucking worth it for me to do that. I complete left the whole fiasco and stayed friends with F lmao. shes cool. but sometimes dumb bcs she still stayed with him after everything. although that time A already went public with S he can still manipulated F somehow. A ended up marrying S tho. and side note, i gave A a fossil watch and it was fucking expensive. and he told F he bought it himself lmao. fucker. oh and he often take advantage on me asking me to pay for shit. he did pay sometimes but restaurants that are expensive, i paid. he paid for mamak, hawker stalls and what not lmao. So that ended. And i ended up celebrating new years alone and i fucking glad i did.

2020 -2021 July: So uuh covid came. And i met this dude on May 2020. How? me and my discord friends that i met during covid were planning to meet up and hes one of them who tags along. He just broke up with his ex gf 2-3 days ago that time. How he approached me, he kissed me creepily and suddenly while me and him was alone in a house i rented before covid during my degree. Now that i think back, it was creepy. He said "what if i attacked you right now". LIKE WTF? WHO SAYS THAT. Then he suddenly kissed me. i did not know how to de-escalated the situation. so i just let it slide. we just met for 2 hours btw. and he keeps on asking for a kiss afterwards too. on the way back from the outing, i have to send him back and he did not have a license btw. All the way back, he keeps on asking wanting to kiss me again (of course i said no) and hold my hand (this one i was ok with it although i was so uncomfortable). It was so creepy dude. I dont know if those things counts as assault or not cus i kinda just went along with it but i was uncomfy. Anyways, hes unhygienic, kinda narcissistic also have anger issues. Everytime we played games together, i cant enjoy shit bcs he keeps on tilting and screaming at randoms. (sometimes he tilts on me) I also have to pick him up and send him back after all of our dates. it was a mess. I learned the hard way after agreeing to date him. but during my relationship with him, im the fucked up one. i owned up to my mistakes and im not gonna leave this part out from this timeline. i cheated on him with some random dude. and i wont justify my actions. cheating is still cheating. he did gave me a second chance and i swear to god i did try my best to be better. i don't blame him for acting more suspicious of me and blaming me for everything. but it gets worse and i got tired. i honestly thought i should've just left instead of asking for a second chance. i realized the reason why i asked for a second chance is just to make up for it. bcs i felt bad. and that's not something i should've done. i should've just left and let him healed. trust me that came up a lot of times but seems like he doesn't want us to end either. so the unhappy and most depressing phase of our relationship got dragged until august 2021.

2021 August: I finally had the courage to end things with him for good. Bcs we both tried to move on from the incident but hes not doing well on his end. He still accused me of things that i didn't do. Question everything i did and yes i got tired. again i don't blame him but Its getting unhealthy and toxic for both of us. He keeps on saying he trusts me and i have become better but still act like we're back to square one. I called quits and he doesn't want to in the beginning. But then i had to lie telling him i have another person in my life. and that was his last straw. He screamed and yelled at me and just ended there like that. I felt bad but i cant stay again bcs i felt bad. Its not right.

2021 September - Present: These timelines are getting me confused ngl cus i really cant remember the exact time. anyways before i broke up with my previous bf, i was in another different circle of friends. I spent most of my time there while trying to escape him. i thought maybe if i distant myself its a lot more easier for me to leave and him to forget me. but yea during that time we actually fought a lot bcs of that. so after the break up i spent all of my time there. and i met this random singaporean dude. we spent all night talking and exchanging songs that we like and watching sitcoms. i remember our first show was The Good Place. Our discord server name is The Good Place where we hang a lot. (ldr things) and yes he knows about my past from A to Z. Basically everything i have wrote so far. We played valorant a lot tgt. I know i know, very short amount of time meeting someone new. but bro he hits different. its definitely the rush, the chasing, the butterflies. i haven't felt like that for a while and well, its bcs of my own fault too. i admit everything happens so fast like very fast. so we start really getting to know each other after dating which is weird and can lead to an easy break up especially we're doing long distance. but im not losing this dude. so i said, fuck it. he did say that he scared long distance would be hard but hes willing to try. i did it before and i want to be better. especially for a guy like him. 2 years has passed and today, 13th April 2023, we're still together and getting engage hopefully end of this year. Life has been great since i met him. Everything is different. he accepts me for who i am, we finish each other's dark humors/jokes. We facetime everyday and never get tired of seeing each other. He met my family and i met his. Although we ldr, we make it work. There's ups and down of course and mostly bcs of me lmao cus i self sabotage a lot liddat. but im working on it. and also, i suck at communicating. mostly bcs i usually keep things to myself during my past relationships. but that's what im working on right now and i hope im doing well. besides that, i am finally content and happy. Not a day goes by i never thought of him. I truly love him and i cant wait for what the future holds for us.

Thanks for reading guys. (im probably talking alone rn)

[heyiwrotesomethings]

This is the first time after a long time, that I was able to touch my phone again. And to see your notification makes me feel a lot better now. I got infected with covid and was in the ICU for a week. My asthma didnt help . And being intubated i really felt helpless and scared. Honestly, I thought I wont make it and crazy things crossed my mind. My family took care of me and my friends was there the moment I got out of the hospital but I felt like wanting to unalive myself after that. I still cant taste anything. I cant walk a few feet without getting restless. I feel dizzy still whenever I try to do something. I just want to lay down all the time. I lost 30lbs. And dont feel like eating again. Your shinobu x mitsuri made me smile. Thank you Maddy. I felt some spark inside maybe im not as dead as I thought I was

I’m sorry you had to go through all of that and still have complications. It must be very hard. To know that my writing has helped bring you some joy in this difficult time really squeezes at my heart. I hope your strength returns soon, just take it one step at a time and don’t be afraid to share your feelings and concerns with your family or friends. I’m sure they want to support you any way they can.

Thank you, and I hope you start feeling better soon. I’ll be thinking about you.

I’m very glad that you are here 💜

[wingedweasel]

Censoring tags makes no sense

Caution/Trigger warning: too many to count. Sorry, there may be a lot.

I’ve never really understood why censored words  - r*ape, f***, unalive, etc - actually exist in writing. I mean, I can understand when it’s in audio format and cursing is bleeped and a transcript reflects that (although that makes it harder for the hearing impaired to enjoy the media in question, but that’s a different topic. And oh boy, is it a big topic). 

However, while tumbling through the vast void that is tumblr, I came across a post that was talking about tags and how they don’t work unless they words/phrases are tagged correctly. I agree. A tagging system that looks for words like rape, wont necessarily pick up that r*pe is the same word. “There is a dead body in the corner” or “The person was killed” may not be filtered the same as “There is a unalive body in the corner” or “The person was unalived.” I just don’t get it. And this isn’t coming from someone who isn’t triggered or wigged out by these things and thinks people should just ‘man up and deal.’ That is bs and that kind of mentality should be unalived by a bang bang device. 

No this is coming more from the perspective that I can make context clues. From my understanding, while the word/phrase may cause some people problems, it is also the situation that they are used in. Hearing/seeing a slur is bad enough, but when you are reading something and a situation where a slur is used, but censored, comes out of nowhere, that’s a problem too. I would be less troubled by a word than the situation that it is used in. I can filter words and phrases out, but there are so many different ways to censor things, that it is guaranteed that I will miss something. A lot of somethings. 

As a writer who pretends to write, I would want my audience to no, you know, have traumatic flashbacks and end up never reading/finishing any of my works. One bad experience with a writer can put off readers until the end of time. So why do people not tag responsibly? Also, that thing about being able to understand context clues? I can understand that bitch is the same as b**ch. The examples above, an average reader can understandably recognize what was being said. So if a person wants to read something without any of those themes? Oops, too bad. They’re gonna get a face full of them if they missed some random way someone tagged those words. 

As I said before, there are so many different ways to censor things. Audio is relatively easy: you can bleep or add a random sound effect, blur the mouth, cut the audio around the word altogether, and these are just the more common simple ways. There are so many more. However, most audio media, tv/movies for example, usually have a warning of some kind before the program starts. Games often do as well. Not to mention the ESRB ratings that are labeled on everything. 

But with writings, having a faulty sorting system makes it that much more difficult to filter out what you don’t want to see. There’s just too many different ways to censor a word that it makes it seem as if there shouldn’t even be a tagging system to begin with. Obviously I don’t mean that; tagging is key to getting your writing to the audience you want, but still. 

Anyway, I’ll end my rant here. Mainly because I say so, but also my cat is telling me he wants to be fed. So yeah, if any of y’all want to add to this, go ahead, if not, whatevs. 

[transfreakish]

⚠️ PLEASE DO NOT INCLUDE, SCR//NSHOT, OR SH/RE ANY OF THIS BL/GS CONTENTS ON OR IN ANY “CR/NGE” S/TE, COMM/NITY, OR M/DIA. THANK YOU. ⚠️

DNI

[very c*nsored, to avoid being in s*arches]

z*onist or neutral

under 16 (nothing personal, just a boundary!)

pro/c*mship ,, (no)m*ps/z**s ,, pro-harmful p*ras or pro-c*ntact/anti-r*covery ,, dis*bility f*tishists ,, those who s*xualize r*gression

radqueer ,, gender crit*cal ,, sw*rfs t*rfs or r*dfems ,, tr*scum/tr*nsmed ,, against neopr*nouns or xenog*nders (which should be obvious?) ,, against h*sbians, th*ysbians, sh*gays, etc ,, against it/its pr*nouns

anti-cl*ster b ,, believe in “narc*ssistic ab*se” or anything similar ,, those who use d*sorders or d*sabilities as insults ,, against PROPERLY AND THOROUGHLY RESEARCHED self-dx ,, users of the terms “sysm*d”/“tr*umascum”

avid sysc*ursers (more specifically, i hate being involved in any sort of conflict, so please dont try to ask my opinion on shit or include me in any of it and youll be fine; i am a m*dically r*cognized did syst*m, and thats all anyone here needs to know, thanks!)

BYF

as someone with a v*sual imp*irmant and chronic m*graines, any posts from me may be bolded/italicized on and off like this to highlight certain parts; i am sorry if this is hard to read for others, but as this is a personal collection that happens to be public, i am prioritizing my own acc*ssibility.

i identify with the words “q*eer” and “f*g”. i will not cw/tw usage of either of these. i also will not cw/tw use of the word “cr*pple”, as a phys*cally dis*bled person who reclaims it.

activity will be on and off a lot of the time.

i am prone to spam reblogging; i try to space out queueing posts from a blog if a mod states discomfort with anyone doing so, but if i mess up, i am genuinely sorry!

as said multiple times here, PLEASE dont post anything connected to this blog to any sort of “cr*nge collecti*n”, such as “cr*nge comp” videos, any subr*ddits such as f*kedisord*rcr*nge or didcr*nge, any forum or site of a similar nature, and all other things like this that could even remotely fall into that category that i didnt name. i am not mentally well (yes, i am getting pr*fessional help), and being posted to these would be highly str*ssful to an unbearable extent due to p*ranoia and past tr*uma of being a target of extreme h*rrassment (ie multi-platform chasing and d*xxing) and stalking. please respect this very simple boundary by leaving this blog alone if you find me cr*ngy, hate me or anything i post, or speculate that im faking anything (though any issue posted about here is either something i have a diagn*sis for, am actively seeking/working on assessment or diagn*sis for, or is simply being saved because i know someone with the d*sorder or d*sability who would enjoy a post). i would not say all of this or c*nsoring things so extensively if i was not very serious and worried about this. if you’ve read this with ill intent but decided against taking action, thank you so much for being kind, i do appreciate it, have a very nice day. :]

DIRECTORY FOR SELF

(c/nsor/d so it wont sh/w up in s/arch/s, since this is a p/rson/l c/llecti/n; th/s isnt a typ/ng qu/rk, its a s/fety prec/ution while still being r/adable and acc/ssible for me.)

⚠️ PLEASE DO NOT INCLUDE, SCR//NSHOT, OR SH/RE ANY OF THIS BL/GS CONTENTS ON OR IN ANY “CR/NGE” S/TE, COMM/NITY, OR M/DIA. THANK YOU. ⚠️

G/NDER

AL/GNM/NT

m/sc : m/sc or m/sc-al/gned, or using m/sc or b/y or similar as pr/fixes or s/ffixes.

f/m : f/m or f/m-al/gned, or using f/m or g/rl or similar as pr/fixes or s/ffixes.

n/u : n/u or n/u-al/gned, or using any pr/fix or s/ffix that indicates unal/gnment, andr/gyny, or g/nder n/utrality.

m/lti : al/gning with m/ltiple of the above.

SP/CIFIC CAT/GOR/ES

b/sic : g/nders that can typ/cally fall w/thin the g/neral g/nder sp/ctrum.

n/uro : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to neur/diverg/ncy or m/ntal h/alth.

phys : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to disab/lity or phys/cal h/alth.

w/rd : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to phr/ses or w/rds.

w/b : g/nders c/nnected to anything d/gital, techn/log/cal, or int/rnet-re/ated.

an/mal : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to any sort of an/mal.

col/r : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to col/rs.

emot : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to emot/ons.

m/sic : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to m/sic, s/ngs, instr/ments, etc.

med/a : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to any med/a not already included in other t/gs.

th/ng : g/nders ending in the s/ffix “thing”.

b/di : g/nders with the s/ffix “b/diment”, or being the emb/diment of s/mething.

fo/d : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to anyth/ng coms/mable or r/lated to that.

c/te : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to things that are considered c/te or s/ft.

sc/ry : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to things that are considered sc/ry or unsettl/ng.

d/vine : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to anyth/ng rel/ted to div/nity, ang/ls, or th/mes of rel/gion or (un)hol/ness.

ae/ : g/nders infl/uenced by or c/nnected to a sp/cific aesth/tic, sty/e, subc/lture, etc.

em/ji : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to a sp/cific em/ji or comb/nation of em/jis.

fr/ak : g/nders c/nnected to th/mes of being unus/al, un/que, we/rd, off, or “cr/nge”.

gensr : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to ones s/xual or rom/ntic ori/ntation.

xxx : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to potenti/lly m/ture or ad/lt th/mes.

S/BCATEG/RIES

c/nine : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to d/gs or other c/nines.

f/line : g/nders inf/uenced by or c/nnected to c/ts or other f/lines.

h/rror : g/nders inf/uenced by or c/nnected to the h/rror g/nre in some way.

fl/ra : g/nders inf/uenced by or c/nnected to fl/ra, f/ngi, and other gr/enery in n/ture.

aq/a : g/nders influenced by or c/nnected to w/ter and th/ngs that live in it.

bug : g/nders influenced by or c/nnected to any sort of ins/ct or sp/der.

w/rld : g/nders inf/uenced by or c/nnected to other th/ngs in n/ture, such as l/ndscapes, the we/ther, etc.

t/y : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to more “f/n” inan/mate obj/cts, such as pl/shies, d/lls, t/ys, or other such th/ngs.

cl/th : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to sp/cific art/cles of cl/thing or acc/sories.

inan/mate : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to var/ous inan/mate objects not covered above.

act : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to acti/ns or anyth/ng sim/lar, such as car/ers or h/bbies.

g/me : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to any sort of g/mes or ch/racters from them.

l/ve : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to any type of l/ve, affect/on, etc.

s/bst : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to any type of s/bstance (ie c/garettes, alc/hol, w/ed, etc).

m/at : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to m/at, the b/dy in a more v/sceral way (ie b/dy h/rror), g/re, and s/milar th/ngs and th/mes.

str/nge : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to anyth/ng str/nge or offp/tting, such as l/fe and de/th, d/cay, or l/minal sp/ces.

inh/man : g/nders infl/enced by feelings of not being h/man, or h/manity displ/yed in an unn/tural way.

b/ast : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to any s/rt of cr/ature, m/nster, or oth/rwise myst/cal, paran/ormal, or nonex/stent thing.

m/sc : g/nders not fitting any of the above categ/ries.

OTHER

v/sil : l/bels re/ating to v/sility; s/mething, in some way, affecting an add/tional, m/ny, or all areas of ones ident/ty.

ald/rn : ald/rnic; l/bels for one who w/shes to have featur/es or a b/dy that d/viate from what is exp/cted from n/rmal h/man st/ndard or pr/sentation.

or/ent : any l/bel rel/ting to s/xual, r/mantic, or other or/entations of attr/ction.

alt/rh/man : l/bels rel/ting to ident/fying outside of h/manity, such as alt/rhumanity, nonh/manity, th/rianthrophy, end/lics, etc.

m/ntal : fl/gs, l/bels, or id/ntities r/lating to neur/diverg/ncy, being aut/stic, or a m/ntal illn/ss.

d/sab/lity : fl/gs, l/bels, or id/ntities r/lating to phys/cal d/sability.

⚠️ PLEASE DO NOT INCLUDE, SCR//NSHOT, OR SH/RE ANY OF THIS BL/GS CONTENTS ON OR IN ANY “CR/NGE” S/TE, COMM/NITY, OR M/DIA. THANK YOU. ⚠️

[momiamtired]

dear god, why do you hate me? what have i done? i never asked for a lot. i dont want to be rich or famous i just want to be happy. i just want to have my closesr friends around me and a botfriend and a child and a secure work. i just wish a happy life. why do i need to go through this. why do you hate me? i just was born in a wrong place. why me? of all people why me? i hate this town. i never slept more than 5 hours these 3 days. i wake up at 2 am with an alarm that soon will make my heart stop just to play with my friend because we have huge time difference. thats the only thing that gives me happiness. everything else is rather anger or sadness. im not exaturating. im not a whiny teenager. i want to kill myself. and only because of fucking hope that every day gets ruined i am still standing and sitting on my disgustingly uncomfortable anti suicidal chair and write this in hopes to get better. i only have 4 hours of sleep left, thanks emily. i have finals soon and i still never realised it so good luck to me. i dont really know why am i still alive. i really wish i didnt have things i would be regretting to lose or just i dont want them to be sad. my friend, my dad that is going to be shamefull of my death and regreting how much money he spend on me, my mom, maybe my brother, my relatives which im afraid the most becuase since childhood im afraid of being told to them that i am a failuer, my cat, my hopes that everything will become better. thats all that stoping me and tbh im not sure how long will i manage. no its like i dont even have a choice. if i will die many bad things will happen and i dont even have a cnhoice to unalive myself because even after my death something bad wiill happen. im just amazed thats its jkust getting ridiciuluose. tbh if i will get raped or i will lose my phone or someone will stab me with a knife i wont be surprised im not exadurating im tired of people telling things that are not true i turly feel that if something as bad as that will happen to me i wont be surprised. i hate this town im afraid to walk on streets here im tired of me not knowing english im tired to say things im tired of. its like its just a situation where u are getti ng happiness only from 3 max source and its playing online games with ur friends( u have to not sleep at all and then go to studying while having undiagnosed adhd and just getting emberessed after sleeping on lessons), tiktok which more often gives me strong negative depr4essive emotions like any social media would, and other internet stuff that can give me positive emotions only really rarely and if i willf find something and only if my roommate is not hope and she didnt left homne in like 2 weeks. i dont want to sleep at all and im tired god oh how im tired how ianything that makees this things happen to me oh how i wish he would be suffering eternaly oh how i wish you cant imagen how much i hate my life how everyday get into awful situtions or things all the time and i dont even have a choice its like im a clown or a puppet somebody watches and experiments and laughs. i wish i could be dead tbh god idc anymore just fucking kill me already i dont care at this point i know u wont make my life easier just kill me im tired of crying and anger

[tranquil1es]

until riot decides to actually take sexism serious and actually start manually reviewing voice chat audio after comms abuse reports, like they said they would years ago, i dont think i want to play my favorite game anymore, its too mentally exhausting, and whoever is one of the people behaving like that in games or whoever thinks that behavior is okay, genuinely do the world a favor and unalive

might just become an aimtrainer onetrick at this point, atleast i wont have to listen to teammates telling me to hold their cocks when all i want is to play the stupid fucking shit game

to the people being called out: praying that one day your mothers overhear the things you say so that she can beat the shit out of you, disinherit you, tell you what a worthless disgrace you are and that they regret giving birth to such a failure

[jjminah]

THANK YOU for hating me. really, thank you so so so much for being rude to me and treating me like im worthless and dumb. Im happy yall did. each and every one of you have been so, so brutal to me, so so much, i have hated every fucking moment that you have subjected. i have considered killing myself so so many times, why? because you all have been so brutal with me. you all have taken my love, innocence and politeness for granted and have taken advantage of it. really, THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. you all need me. all you fuckers need me. you all need someone who you can point your dirty fingers at. and say, its her! she's the reason! she's the bad guy. THANK YOU. i have never, in my entire life felt so unloved and unalive in my school than i ever have been. my life has never been more tragic as it had ever been before. but really, THANK YOU. because in 10, 20 or 30 years, you all will fucking wake from your gluttonous sleep and shriek, she was right! she was right!, because i always have been right.!!!! everyday, the reason why i wake up, is because i know i am right, no matter what this disgusting world tells me. i am right. i will protect my innocense and my everlasting love, and will love all of yall anyways. and i will annoy you all even more and trouble you even more. because there will come a time where you all will beg for your forgiveness. where you will come to me and say, noni im so sorry you have always been right, im so sorry for being rude to you, you were the only thing which made the school environment worthwhile, you sacrificed so much, for everyone, all of these ungrateful motherfuckers, including myself. i am so sorry i am so sorry. THANK YOU for all this unkindness you all shower on me, not that it has made me stronger. not that i have learntnot to expect anything. i will still be vulnerable and weak and still expect love. because this is who i am am. and i wont lower my volume just because you all are insecure ass motherfuckers