#it’s also just generally awkward to talk about and i don’t know how to respond to these messages other than saying thank you

[ninyard]

how do you think jean would be post tsc duology with his sexuality with jeremy like i feel like he’s been put into this submissive role at the nest but idk if that was something he enjoyed

Oh you’ve opened a can of worms anon. Here’s a not so short but typically messy, as per usual, look into Jean’s sexuality.

Firstly, I think there are a million different nuances and anomaly’s and sides to Jean’s sexuality. Jean Moreau: whose first girlfriend was a plane ticket to the United States. We don’t know much about his childhood, but we can only imagine it wasn’t pleasant; If he’s anything like Neil, did he date at all as a kid/young teen?

So - let’s picture it. We’re a little while into Jean’s time with the Trojans, we're a little while into Jean and Jeremy figuring each other out, and the sex conversations comes up.

Now, personally, I don't believe that Jean's response to his trauma is anything like Andrew's - we've seen he doesn't seem to have an issue being touched, and nor does he seem to have an issue with sexuality in general. But things that I believe he does have a problem with?

His sexuality, and knowing what he wants vs what he believes is expected of him.

I think Jean has an incredible amount of shame around his interest in men. Most of it having been beaten into him, instilled by Riko into him. I think his gut response to pull away and reject advances and pretend his interest in men doesn't exist comes mostly from that, or from hearing Kevin say to him that it was far too difficult a life to be the child of a legacy and interested in men. How the public would react, how professional exy teams and the media would respond; it's always easier to be heterosexual. It always has been.

The first hurdle Jean has to jump over is that; allowing himself to desire men, to feel like that is okay, to feel like he deserves the way that Jeremy looks at him. The Trojans help, far more than they even know. Cat and Laila help. All of the queer couples and out-and-proud folks on the team help. Immeasurably. It normalises it for him, and he sees how safe they are, how unpunished they are, and whether its subconscious or not, being around them all really helps destroy his bone-deep shame. But he gets past it. At some stage he admits that his sexuality is unimportant to him, as it truly is, but he feels comfortable enough say well, yes, his attraction does also extend to men. It will never be more important that Exy. But it exists. It just eventually becomes a far smaller deal to him that it had originally been.

Skip some time, some awkward and painful conversations, and Jean and Jeremy are together. How that happens, I don't know - do they hook up first? Do they date for a while before they get there? But, when they get there, there comes this point a handful of times in where Jeremy realises he has been leading their encounters a whole lot more than Jean is. In fact, when he thinks about it, as comfortable as Jean insists that he is, he is not in control at all. He follows Jeremy's lead. Jeremy thinks about Kevin's awkward comment the day he was asked to sign Jean.

"Tell me what you want." Jeremy says, having thought too much about it, having wondered if he was imagining things.

"You," Jean responds, maybe. "That is all."

Jeremy sits back and he looks at him, and Jean looks back with that gorgeous and confused look draped across his pale complexion. Somehow they talk for a little while, and find themselves at the point:

Is this how you actually want to have sex, or is it just how you think I want you to have sex?

And Jean doesn't know. It's the question that sends him spiralling, because he hasn't even realised it. He hasn't noticed how he is simply complacent, uninvested in his own desires and pleasure in order to keep Jeremy happy. It's not that he doesn't get pleasure from it, of course he does, but he will not take a step out of line if Jeremy is happy. I think he might have to stop for a while, stepping back from sex while he tries to understand his relationship with sex itself. He's too used to being used and having expectations put on him that he knows no different. He doesn't know what he likes. He doesn't know if he prefers to top or bottom, to be submissive or dominant, or any other thing like that; it's a no-mans land that he's spent far too long people-pleasing in that he's forgotten that he's allowed to enjoy it as well. So I think that takes a lot of time and unlearning to see his own pleasure as something worthy of investigating.

Jeremy is patient, of course, and while he sees how much of a "step back" Jean has taken in terms of being okay with sex, it's worth it; sure, Jean never much had a problem with it, and maybe bringing it up caused a problem, but it sparks that thought in Jean's brain. That curiosity about whether or not the role that he plays during sex has been built by the nest, or if it's what he genuinely likes to do. As I say, it takes a lot of unlearning for Jean. A lot of unpacking of what happened to him, and a lot of really, really hard conversations.

His body is his own, and he knows that now. It does not belong to Jeremy. Again, not that Jeremy thinks so either, to be very clear. He knows Jeremy doesn't think so. Not one bit. But he has to understand that himself. He doesn't have to read Jeremy's micro expressions to figure out what he wants him to do, he doesn't have to just keep him happy. Intimacy can only exist in an environment where it is reciprocated. And while he cares deeply for Jeremy, if he is ignoring his own desires in order to maintain peace, he is not being genuine. He is simply submitting because that's the only option he's known. That's the only choice he's ever had.

I think Jean loves sex - I think Jean really, really enjoys having sex with Jeremy. I just think it's also evident quite quickly that he isn't even thinking about how he affords Jeremy all of the control in every scenario. Jean is submissive because that's all he knows. And I feel like it takes a while and a lot of talking for him to leave that habit behind and freely, unashamedly, fuck without expectation for him to be a certain way or act a certain way. That doesn't mean he has to be a top or a bottom. It does mean that he has to stop himself from studying every twitch and tell on Jeremy's face to try understand completely what the Captain expects of him.

[chosotallgf]

UNEXPECTED TURN - CHOSO KAMO [chapter 1]

SUMMARIZE.. y/n never bothered getting to know choso after the shibuya incident happened and he became an ally to jujutsu high but what happens when he decides to try and get to know her on a personal level and they start getting put on mission together

TAGS.. choso x fem!reader, shibuya incident arc spoilers!!, post shibuya incident au, character dearth mentioned, slow burn, smut, angst, reader is a sorcerer, oral sex, masturbation + more

A/N.. hi this is my first fanfic ever also I posted it on A03 under the same username. keep in mind I’m a beginner at writing lol. like & rebolgs are appreciated | DONT NOT REUPLOAD :D

………………………………………………………………………………….

you and choso where out having lunch discussing your plans for an upcoming mission later that day. It’s been half a year since the shibuya incident, even after the many deaths that took place that night you ended up finding yourself making a new connection later down the line

choso become an ally for jujutsu high short after the incident, first it started off with you two getting place together to go on small missions together outside of Tokyo. When you first heard of the idea of you and choso being partner up you weren’t a big fan of it, everyone seem to connect well off of first interaction and start to enjoy choso company especially after finding out that he is yuji half brother but you? barely even talk/avoided him outside of missions.

“what are you thinking about”? choso asked as he saw your blank expression as you two were waiting on the food to come out “Huh? oh.. just that how much I hate working with you that’s all” you softly smirk at him. you love teasing choso so often that become y’all daily thing to do to each other. One day after you and choso got back from a mission you were about to head out of jujutsu high until you heard fast steps catching up to you.

“hey.. um y/n you have a moment?” choso asked awkward while scratching the back of his head. you then turn around and sign “yeah what is it?” choso honestly wasn’t sure how he should approach you, when y’all get sent on mission its just strictly about the mission no personal stuff about each other lives, nothing.

he kinda took the hint that you didn’t want to conversation about anything outside of that 3 weeks after the incident when you both were on the train headed to koyto and he asked how long you been a sorcery at jujutsu high and you responded with “why do you care just let’s just do our jobs, the faster the better”

every since then choso didn’t dare to bring up anything after that until the day he generally was curious and had enough of this ‘only talk during and about the mission thing’ he wasn’t a pushy person but he can bet there has to be more to you than this nonchalant mask you are pulling because of the story’s yuji told him when he himself first started out and you and gojo teach him. he had to know why you were so casual with everyone but not him

“Sorry to bother you y/n, don’t take this the wrong way but did I genuinely do something to offend you? every since I came to jujutsu high and going on mission I feel like you been bothered by my presence of that makes any sense” your response could go south either way choso though he didn’t know if you would just curse him out or just turn around and keep ignoring him like you been. “Are you that much of new puppy that you need everyone attention and become friends?”

“hey wait a min don’t go yet” as you turned your head a little bit choso could see your eyes get glossy. “Let me go pls” you barley spoke. A single tear fell down your face. “I’m sorry if it’s becaus-“ choso was about to finish his sentence until gojo loudly interrupted them.

“Heyy choso how have you been? Oh y/n you there too? did you file the last mission yet I haven’t seen it yet if you did” gojo said when he got a glimpse of your hair behind choso back as he was walking up to y’all. as soon as you heard gojo voice you quickly pull your wrist back from choso and he let go.

you then quickly rush off campus and into your car. “Hey come back” choso shouted. You thought how embarrassing that was,now you wouldn’t even dare show your face in front of choso now after he seen you in that state. “I guess she really doesn’t like doing reports after all” gojo said confused.

part 2 coming soon… don’t forget to like & reblog :)

[the-witch-of-one-piece]

Secrets Kept From Him Chapter 8: His Comfort Ran x F!Reader x Draken WC:5600+k Resident: @enchantedforest-network Synopsis: Waking up in a bed you weren't familiar with you in Ran's home. Trying to process all the events of last night, you are forced to stay in his home until the mess is cleared out. Ending up with you both going to his club to get your mind off what had happened you are face to face with the heiress Ms. Yamaguchi and she isn't too keen on you so close to Ran. The confrontation between you and her would escalate quickly causing Ran to remove you from the scene in that private moment of his comfort will it lead to more than just comfort? Will a certain pair of eyes send chills down your spine of someone from the club? TW: cussing, drinking, smoking, mentions of stalking, mentions of weapons, threatening, vaginal sex, masturbation, making out, multiple creampies, shower sex, desk sex, dirty talking, nicknames (pretty girl, baby girl, my queen) Possessive behavior, mentions of cheating.

MINORS DNI 18+

“Mommy wake up.” you heard your daughter's voice. Her tiny hands against your face. Your eyes began to adjust to the slightly dark room. You saw your daughter's violet eyes looking back at you. You sat up quickly all you could remember was blacking out last night, realizing you were in a bedroom you hadn’t been in before. Looking around just by the decor and the scent that lingers in the room it was Ran’s room.

You looked at your daughter who was next to you. “You okay sweetie?” She nodded “Mhmm. Where are we?” she asked. She remembers falling asleep at her aunt's home but waking up in a strange bed next to her mom. 

“At your dad's home…” After a few minutes of being in bed, you both got up. Walking out of the room to find Ran and Rindou up. “Good morning you two.”  Ran's voice spoke. 

“Mornin..” You said. “Good morning.” D/n walked towards  Ran who picked her up kissing the side of her temple. 

“How did you sleep?” he asked.

“Okay..” d/n was a bit more quiet than he was used to. Ran had a feeling it could have been due to what happened yesterday. 

“I know it's not a girl's room you slept in but I think we can arrange something in one of the other rooms for you.” giving her a comforting smile. Ran looked at you, the brief look into his eyes quickly averting his eyes away from his. Flashbacks from last night played in your mind. Rindou could sense the awkward tension between you and Ran. “Oi d/n let’s go down the street to get breakfast.”

“What about mommy and daddy?” she asked. “They need to take care of some things. They should be fine by the time we get back.” Your daughter looked over at you. Right now you were a bit on the edge about letting her go due to the incident last night. But you Rindou know he would be able to take care of her. “It -it’s fine, let me just go get her dressed.” After getting her dress and fixing her hair she met her uncle at the door. Ran kneeled down and gave her a hug and a kiss. “Be good for your uncle now okay?” She nodded agreeing you also gave her a big hug. You watch them exit the door and enter the elevator. Ran closed the door wearing a loose-fitted long sleeve, his hand reached for the back of the neck. “Doll…” starting off  “How are you right now?” he asked you bit concerned from your passing out last night. “I’m okay…” softly speaking as you responded.

“Listen… Last night, well yesterday in general was bad… I don’t want to fight with you… that’s the last thing I want to happen between me and you.” Letting out a sigh you rubbed your face. You didn’t want to fight with him either. Apart of you could have been understanding what he may have been feeling just finding out that you slept with Draken. You were feeling that hint of jealousy last night when running into that woman from the club. Just putting a voice to a face still mind-boggled you why Ran wanted you still and not this woman. 

“I know it was just overall not the best day… Look, I don't wanna burden you, me and d/n are going to stay with my aunt for a few days.” Ran shook his head “You can’t do that..” Cocking your brow “why not?” “Because of the person that entered your home…If he was able to get in your home that easily without you knowing he can do it again… That also means he knows your routine and where you go.”  Ran walked to the couch taking a seat. “What do you have Ran. Don’t lie to me.” “There was a deal that went south a few years ago. Some stock supplies went missing that are worth a large chunk of money. They were never able to locate the missing supplies and I figured they would sneak their way to try and get it.” How he made it sound was so simple. “Ran, just give it to them. If you have it so they can leave us alone.” “The supplies are all the way in the Osaka warehouse we have. It will take a few days to get them here..” reaching into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette. “In the meantime, you and d/n have to stay here. They know better than to enter my property. I can’t let you both go anywhere unless it is with  me or Rindou.” 

Trying not to roll your eyes, maybe a part of him sounded so nonchalant as he spoke. “How long is a few days?” 

“A week why in a rush to see someone?” Slightly shaking his head exhaling his cigarette. 

 A week in a place with Ran for 24hrs… “don’t go there, Ran.” 

That was a dare to him in his next words of choice. “Fuck it I am. Why try to leave so soon? Is it you dont wanna be bothered by me? Or is it because of someone you fucked recently and think you are falling for them when in reality it was a desperation to be fucked?” He asked not holding back  

“Why are you so concerned about what I do? I’m surprised to not see that girl from last night here with her. She seems more up your alley now…” you were playing with fire.

Ran stood quiet “I’m concerned who you bring around MY daughter. The well-being of her safety along with yours. Just do me the favor and stay here till the shipment comes. When they get their stuff you can go back home.”

“Fine”

“We will head to the house to pick up some more items for you and d/n.” Ran called Rindou letting him know you both would be home for about an hour. That escalated quicker than it needed between you both.

 Rindou on the other hand hung up the phone he was sitting in the diner with d/n. His niece sat on a booster chair in front of her with a cup of juice. “Your mom and dad are going to your house.”

Her eyes widen “But what about the monster? Is he there?” She spoke in a feared tone. Rindou saw the expression on her face. He didn’t want her to be frightened. 

“No no,  he is gone.” He reassured her. “Your dad is with your mom. He will protect her,” 

“Uncle Rin is mommy and daddy mad at each other?” She asked him. She remembered hearing them argue yesterday.

Rindou didn’t know how to respond, “it was a disagreement. But it’s nothing you should worry about. They can’t get mad at each other for so long. They end up making up every single time. Have you ever heard of what a drama queen is?” “When something small happens and someone makes it bigger?” she asked to understand the term. “Yeah something like that but both of your parents are drama queens.” he took a drink of his coffee. “Daddy is a drama queen because he had pigtails before so he is not a drama king?” He slightly choked on his coffee wanting to laugh but he kept his composure. “Yeah, he is a Drama queen.”  The food came for both of them. He was cutting her pancakes up. Rindou looked at his niece once more “Kiddo I have a question.” “Yes?”  she spoke as he placed her food in front of her, placing a fork full of pancakes in her mouth. “Do you remember where the man came from?” he asked She stopped chewing and looked at her uncle. She finished chewing her food before she said “I went to grab my toys from the closet and he was there. He told me to be quiet and ask me to call my mommy. When getting into the car to leave the house….. Mommy took me to Aunty’s home… When it was time for bed I couldn’t sleep. I looked out the window. It was the same black car that followed me and Mommy.” Rindou had a view of the outside window “Do you see the same car right now?” She looked out the window and she was looking at all the cars on the street and the small parking area. “No, I don’t see it.”

~~~~~~~~

Arriving at your home you felt anxious about possibly seeing the man there. Ran entered the home first doing a walk-through before you went in making sure it was safe. “Grab what you need..”  Ran began looking for possible break-in spots that would have let the person in the home. He began to check the locks to see if they were picking the windows throughout the house. When he saw the glass window sliding door lock scratched up. He found the way the person entered the home. Opening the back door he took a step outside just observing if something seemed out of the ordinary. 

In your room, you began to back some items when your phone rang. It was Draken when picking up your phone. “Hey,” you said a happy yet with sadden tone

“Hey you okay?” he noticed your tone was off. “Something happened last night and..” “What did he do?” Draken dropped the wrench in his toolbox adjusting the phone to his ear. “Someone broke in last night and… I can’t stay in my house right now… I can’t go into full detail about it.” “Wait what? Why didn’t you call me? I would have been there?” Draken walked out of the garage. “Is it the same people following you?” “Yeah… apparently they know Ran and I can’t stay at home until whatever they need to recover from him…” Draken let out a sigh. “But you and d/n are alright?” he asked.

“Yeah, we are fine... I have to stay with Ran for a few days until it gets all cleared.”

Hearing this Draken was a little displeased he didn't want you staying over there with someone who just found out you both slept together. “Look why don’t you and d/n just stay with me until it gets cleared. After everything yesterday, do you think it is best to stay with him?” “Draken whoever was in my home threatened me and d/n…Ran told me these people are not a joke” Remembering the man's words from yesterday was making you feel anxious. “I-I don’t want more people involved in this mess. I agreed me and d/n to stay with him. D/n also found out Ran is her father. She doesn’t want to be apart from him…”

He let out a sigh. “_________ if it doesn't work out over there let me know and I will have you and d/n stay with me.” Closing your eyes for a moment “Alright… I will try and meet you sometime this week, okay? I will explain everything more when I get more info.” 

“Okay just call me still if you need something.”

Hanging up the phone you finished packing your items before walking into your daughter's room to pack some items. Ran came back into the home once again he locked the door before going upstairs. He saw you packing some items in the d/n room and putting them in a bag. “They came in through the back door. If you want I can have people come over and install cameras on the outside of the perimeters.” You nodded at him “Yeah I just can’t have something like this happen again. You're calling to have the shipments delivered right?”  

“Yeah I will have to wait for Rin to confirm everything then all we have to do is wait. I promise it will be done.”

When getting back to his home Rin and d/n were there. As the day went on the sun began to set. You could see your daughter looked a bit sad taking a seat with her on the couch while Rin and Ran were in the other room talking. They were trying to figure out a shipment way to get the items back here to Japan. You and Ran didn’t do a lot of talking to one another while being under the same roof. “Everything okay d/n?” 

She nodded “Mommy, are you still mad at daddy?” “Why do you ask?” “Because you aren’t talking a lot to him anymore…” She observed the minimal talking you and Ran had since being here. “I don’t want you guys mad at each other…”  She wanted to see her parents get along. 

When Rin and Ran came out they could see D/n and you talking. When she saw her dad “Daddy say sorry to mommy.”

Ran was surprised by his daughter's request. “What?”

“Mommy say sorry to daddy.” 

“Hmmm?” you blinked your eyes at her. Then both you and Ran looked at one another. 

“She is saying both of you stop acting like drama queens and say sorry to one another. I mean you will be around one another for a while and it will be awkward for you both not to be talking.” Rin said, making his way to the couch. “Sorry..” you both said at the exact same time. When you both looked at each other d/n looked at her uncle who sat on the other couch he gave her a secret thumbs up.  Maybe Rin had some tricks up his own sleeves on how to get this ball going for you both. “As congrats you both made up have ________ take my spot tonight at the club.” “Wait what?” you looked over at Rin. Ran was a bit confused about his brother's action. “I can’t leave d/n” “I got her, you can’t go out by yourself if they are following you... other than barging in yesterday into the club you didn’t get to experience what it's like to enjoy the atmosphere in there,” Rin said. 

“Yeah, Mommy you should go!” D/n seemed to back Rin up on his suggestion. Squinting your eyes at Rin who seemed careless about the death glare you gave him. “Daddy would want to take you, right daddy?” Ran couldn’t help but smile at his daughter's request. “Of course.” “I don’t have anything to wear for that.” trying to make an excuse. “Actually you do…” Ran walked out of the living room to his room. You saw a white garment rack cover in Rans's hand along with a shoe box. “I held onto it, I don't know why...But it was an anniversary gift years back you never got the chance to open...” Opening the garment rack to find a deep maroon-colored dress with the tag on it and a pair of laced heels to match it…You couldn’t even make an excuse now that you have an outfit… just seeing how he kept this item you felt like you needed to go now. After agreeing it would take both you and Ran some time to get ready. D/n walked towards her uncle taking a seat next to him. “You did good kiddo, told you they would go out.” “It worked! So does it mean it's a real date?” d/n she asked.

“Yeah you can consider it a date for them,” Rin said. A part of Rin wanted to see you both back together because you guys ending up with anyone else didn’t make sense to him when he saw there was still underlying love for one another. He just gave the push and with the help of his niece, it worked.

After finishing getting ready it was about 8:30pm, walking out of the guest room Ran was just leaving his room. ‘She still takes my breath away.’ ran said to himself. “Lovely as alway,” he said out loud walking towards you. He always looked good in a suit you had to admit. “You look good too.” Giving him a small smile. 

Rin didn’t live too far; he had a small backpack ready for d/n. Both of you gave her a hug before seeing them drive off. Getting into Ran's car he made his way to the club.  Ran was hoping tonight would try to ease the tension off of the both of you.

Ran opened your car door for you. The blazing music coming from the club and the line of people trying to get in. The amount of attention locked on you and Ran as you both walked in as a pair into the club. Feeling the girl's eyes burning at your back as you walked in with Ran. You don’t even wanna count the possibility of how many he has already slept with. Trying to continue to follow Ran you didn’t want to get lost in the crowd you held onto his arm slithering through the crowd. Making your way to the VIP area you can see some of the high rollers greeted Ran. Seeing how some of them began to look at you, your outfit making you feel like you were some type of object. The sudden feel of Ran’s arms sliding around your waist. “You're fine. I got you.” he leaned into your ear. 

He took a seat in his favorite area and the waitress took orders for your guy's drinks. Looking around it was a really nice VIP section even the whole atmosphere of when you enter the club. You felt proud of Ran seeing the hard work he and Rin did over the years. 

As the waitress brought the drink and took them both, handing one of them to you. “Well, what do you think?” Ran asked

“When you talk about it in the past every detail I remember you wanted I can see it being done. It’s honestly amazing.” You admitted to him.

“Thank you.” Ran smiled watching you take a drink. Your whole demeanor was seeming to relax more still his eyes wandered as the dress hugged your curves. “I knew that dress would look good on you.” 

You smiled slightly blushing before you could respond and you heard a voice “Ran dear I thought  I wouldn’t see you tonight.” 

Both of your heads turning to the voice that made Ran cringe seeing Ms. Yamaguchi.

“Ms Yamaguchi, what a surprise?” He spoke in a friendly tone. Giving him a side glance it sounded kinda like he didn’t want to be bothered. 

“Oh, it’s your little friend from yesterday I almost didn't recognize you you all dressed up.” the comment it almost took you back as if you looked really bad yesterday, “Sorry what was your name again?” She asked

“Oh it’s _____” giving her a polite smile. 

“______ pretty name.” She responded, “tell me how do you know Ran?”

“We have known each other for a long time. How long have you known Ran?” 

Ran was mentally stressing out on the interaction between you both just how it’s starting off it was going to be not good. 

“For a few weeks but we have gotten very close close.” Ms.  Yamaguchi smiled then looking at Ran giving him a wink. You nodded, then looked at Ran. It was becoming a bit more noticeable why she came over. “Oh darling,” she looked at Ran getting close to him. “I was thinking maybe this coming weekend we can take off.” 

As you close your eyes, rolling them as you open them, you are taking a drink. You turned around slightly looking around the bar avoid what she wanted to hear from him. 

Ran taking a step back. “I actually have to decline.”

“Awww why?” She slightly pouted. “I promise to make it worth your wild.

“I have plans with _____ and our daughter.” She responded. 

You looked over at Ran, who was a bit closer to you now. Ms. Yamaguchi was taken back by his response. His hand trailing down your arm he caused you to blush. The jealousy was fueling her a bit seeing how he was interacting with you. 

“You have child?  since when?” She wanted to hear Ran say it. Even though she already knew. 

“We do have a child.” Not wanting to give her info.

“I’m assuming you both are together?” She asked 

“We are not together yet.” Ran said.

At this point you didn’t know what to say. But you know he was trying to get away from her with all the questioning. Trying to help him out a bit “I mean by the end of the night we might pick up where we left off we will see where tonight takes us.” Taking a step closer towards him, his hand finding your waist once more. 

Ms Yamaguchi spoke  “usually exes are exes for a reason. Since knowing Ran he never brought up a child before till now and I never saw you before till yesterday. Where have you been?” 

“If you must know, I was overseas. I just came back….” You calmly spoke. In that moment she let out a sarcastic laugh. “Sorry, what do you find funny?” 

“You.” Ms Yamaguchi looked at you with a snarky response.

“What about me?”  Placing the drink down on the counter. 

“Seriously, you think for one minute  you can fool me?” Ms. Yamaguchi spoke close to you. “You fooled Ran but not me.” “There is nothing to fool. You don’t know anything about me.” the friendly tone you had disappeared. 

“ It is odd to me that you left then reappeared, with a child. When a woman leaves and becomes pregnant with a child in some cases that means the woman was unfaithful to their boyfriend and instead of them coming clean they disappear. I know more than you think….”

The comment irked you. She didn’t know what she was talking about. She was trying to get a reaction out of you “As I said you don’t know anything about me or my daughter.” More things were gonna come out of her mouth letting you both know how much she does know about you both. “Seemingly she does look like a Haitani from what I saw,” she said it made you question how she saw your daughter. Ran looked over and he knew he never showed a photo of his daughter to her. Before Ran could speak Ms. Yamaguchi finished her sentence “Rin and Ran are brothers now. That could be Rin’s daughter for all we know.”

“Ran, get her out of my face before I do something stupid.” you looked at her. She laughed “Is that a threat? I don’t think you would want to have your daughter visit you behind bars now, what example are you going to show her by doing that?.” In a matter of a flash of a second, the finally thin string came undone. Before you could do anything you felt a pair of hands pull you away quickly. “You need to leave now.” The more assertive voice came from Ran looking at Ms. Yamaguchi.   You wanted to rip her eyes out. The false accusation of sleeping with Rin and that d/n wasn’t Ran's daughter. Ran was pulling you towards the office you needed to clear your mind. He wasn’t going to let you make a fool of yourself because of someone's jealousy. As he opened the door to his office both you and him went in. Ran could see the anger in your eyes, you couldn’t even talk. Feeling so upset your eyes began to water up. “Stay in here.. I will be back.” Ran walking out of his office. He saw Ms. Yamaguchi walk towards him. He had enough of her games. She stuck her nose in too many times and it was the final straw. “I told you to leave.” She raised her brow “Really Ran?” “You insulted the mother of my daughter” his hands were in his pocket. “It shows how ugly of a person you really are..” She was taken aback by the comment made to her “Excuse me?” She felt like that was worse than getting hit. “She would never be half the woman I am.” “That’s where you're wrong, you can’t compare to __________. What can I say you were only there when needed to relieve stress. Freely opening your legs as I came and went.” Ran's voice was cold as ice. “If you thought there was a chance of me being with you, you were sadly mistaken. Beauty only gets you so far…. I don’t wanna see you here anymore. Get out before I have security escort you..” Ran turned and began walking away leaving her almost dumbfounded by his response.

You were leaning against the desk, your foot tapping on the ground. Your arms were crossed when you heard the door opening the music emitting from the outside your eyes saw Ran coming in. Closing the door, he let a low sigh “I know she is my daughter ________. I never doubted it for a moment." His hands rested his pocket as he walked towards you. “Are you okay?” 

“Ran…you know I never did anything with Rin or anyone while we were together.” 

“I know,  I know… I made sure she wasn’t going to come here again. I just wanted to have a good time with you.” Ran felt like any moment he had with you someone fucked it up. His hand reached for your cheeks brushing the tear away. His hand didn’t leave your face. When he saw your face it began to flash back to a specific time where he saw you like this compared to other times you cried. “_____”

His hand was gentle against your face, he was close to you. Something about Ran in this moment made you feel comfortable and so familiar, something you hadn’t felt in a long time. 

Just like a strong magnetic, he was closing the gap between you both his hands reaching for the other side of your cheek. Your lips pressed against his, Ran hands still cradling your face before they drifted down to your lower back.  The tip of his tongue lightly brushes against your lip allowing him access to your wet canvas. His lips were so familiar and yet so comforting. They always have been a weakness of yours. His lips were drawing you in for more, Ran could feel your hands reaching for his jacket grasping onto him. 

The music was still pounding on the outside of the room. He sat you on his desk not breaking from the kiss. His large hands slide up and down your thighs. “I need you” he was trying to catch his breath. His fingers are already brushing underneath your dress. “My queen, let your king take care of you right away.” 

‘Fuck fuck fuck.’  You kept repeating. Your eyes traveled down to the large bulge in his pants. Your own arousal was turning you on and pushing any kind of negative thought was gone. Your hands gravitate to his buckle undoing it.  The hem of your dress is being pushed up. Your thong is being pushed to the side. His cock was throbbing and aching to want to be inside you for so long... You could feel the smile tugging on his lips as he kissed you. Feeding into his ego seeing just the small makeup session got you the moment you. He slowly slid inside of you, the deep grunt coming from him has his shaft filling your warm tight cunt. His lips locked with yours as he began to thrust into you “Ran~~~ Ran~~~” You were panting between each kiss. 

“You don’t know how much I missed you saying my name like that.”  Ran brushing off your straps from your shoulders as he exposed your breast. “I missed all of you ______.” His kisses began to travel from your cheeks to your neck. 

At this point you didn’t know if you were just letting the words slip out due to lust. “I missed you too Ran. Fuck~~~~” you tremble whispered looking up at him. The moment he picked up his speed he saw your eyes rolls back for a moment. 

“God I love you so fucking much.” panting as his mind fills with a pure craving for you.  Just the way you were responding to him was just like he remembered. “tell me you love me ______. Stop denying it.” his fingers trailed to your thighs gripping them  “Say it”

“I-I” you were trying to think clearly and it was hard. “I love you Ran,” Ran in the moment of lust and a sense of relief he kept repeating he loved you. You were wrapped around the three words as you kept repeating them to him back. You were the only woman he fell deeply in love with. The mother of his precious daughter, the woman he still planned to have a future with. 

 “Fuck your so wet”. His eyes glance down to his cock sliding in and out of your sweet pussy. Your cunt kept sucking his cock in. “I missed coming inside what is mine. It feels like you want me to fill that cute little pussy of yours.” 

“Don’t pull out Ran.” You whimpered pleading into your fetish of wanting to be filled up to the brim.

“Is that a request?” He cooed slyly as he looked at you “Beg for me to fill you up, come on tell me, pretty girl.” He slowed down his thrust. 

“Ran~~ please give me your~~ c-cum~~” you cried out. “Attagirl, one more thing…… Tell me who you belong to.” pulling your thighs slightly up causing you to slightly lean back on the couch. His cock inching deeper and deeper inside of your constricting cunt. “ngh~~~”  you were messing up some of the papers on the desk. Knowing he would use this against you. 

“Say it ______.” the possessive behavior came from Ran as he was fucking you. “You Ran”  the rush of heat filling your body shuddering of euphoric bliss. Your vision became foggy that moment when you looked at him you saw him with his long black and blond hair and the tender loving smile each time you both made love. Reaching to pull him down slightly towards you. You kissed him again not wanting to break the kiss.

Ran sunk into the kiss along with thrusting still in you as you held your closer. He is rapidly thrusting into your tight cunt and sending him into a thrusting frenzy trying to chase the familiar rush sensation. Flexing his jaw tightly, the warmth of his cum plunges into you deeply. Letting out a shudder moaned as he began milking his cock in and out of you.

He felt at home his knee was going to give up in a matter of seconds. Taking a few deep breaths “I love you ____.”

“I love you too Ran.” 

Seeing you makeup was slightly smeared; he didn't want you to go out like that and people know what you did. You both began to make yourself look a bit more presentable. He runs his fingers through his hair as he watches you look into the mirror fixing your makeup. There was some form of doubt you both had been thinking right now almost like you couldn’t believe you both had sex a few minutes ago. You saw Ran walking towards you through the mirror.  The comfort of his arms wrapping you from behind his head slightly buried in the crook of your neck he closed his eyes briefly softly whispering between your skin  “I love you more than anything.”

“I know you do Ran… I don’t have a doubt you do.” Just in that brief encounter right now you weren’t over him either. How easily you said I love you back to him without a doubt in your mind.  Still, that part of you didn’t want to say it back because of other situations happening. With the break-in at your home, the woman who envied you from the moment you met her, to Draken…. You criticize women about sleeping with different people but you slept with your closest friend and then the father of your daughter in a short period. You were being a hypocrite and it started to weigh in on you.

Picking his head up slightly he looked at you in the mirror seeing the almost lost look on your face as the pressure was weighing in on you like a ton of bricks. “______.”

“Yeah.” Looking at his violet eyes through the mirror. 

“I know you love me. Just a few minutes ago how you said it was just like before.”

“I’m not denying it Ran I just…there is a lot to take in that is happening…I just want to leave.”

He didn’t argue but agreed to take you back. His arms were removed from your waist. When both of you were ready to leave his office the blasting of the music hit you both. You looked around the club and didn’t see that woman around anymore. Walking out of the VIP section you tried to maneuver out of the way with Ran. A sudden chill went up your spine as if someone’s eyes were piercing through you, looking around but there were so many people. In the back corner of the club near the bar you saw a man with piercing yellow eyes, in his hands was a clear glass inside the glass was a dark liquor thinking it could be bourbon or whiskey. That moment you made eye contact with him almost stopping you. Something about his demeanor was off. By himself in the corner of the club, the distinct hand tattoo you saw that said punishment. When Ran felt you slightly slow down he looked at you, seeing your eyes in a direction. “______.” He called out through the music.

Snapping out of it when you looked at him. “Sorry I don’t know what happened.”

“Are you sure?” 

You looked at the corner of the club once more and he was gone. “Yeah.”

Proceeding to exit the club getting into his car. You got a text from Rindou along with a photo of your daughter starfished out on the large king mattress.

Rindou: She is out, she stole my bed. T-T If she isn’t her father’s daughter.

You couldn’t help but smile. Ran could see the smile tugging on your lip and the glance at your phone of his daughter knocked out. “She is definitely your daughter.”

He smiled “yeah she is.” 

Getting back to Ran’s place. The home was quiet; it made you feel a bit at ease knowing that d/n was secure with Rindou. Ran began taking off his jacket, “I’m going to head into the shower then get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning.” Nodding at his response. He wanted nothing more than to ask you to join him. His hand reaching for the back of your head he leaned in pressing his lips against your forehead. He walked off toward his room.

Walking to your room you placed the bag down on the bed. Taking off your make-up, thoughts pondering into your mind. Just the kiss on the forehead made you feel relaxed. Maybe your next action was questionable you felt like you had no control over your own thoughts. Opening the door up you walked toward his room. You could hear the shower on. Entering his room he was already in the shower. Before stepping into the bathroom you began to undress. Standing bare naked in front of the bathroom door you opened it. You could see the foggy glass on the shower glass door. Rans back facing you he mustn’t have heard you come in. When opening the shower door Ran turned around to see you entering the steamed shower. His eyes trailed your naked frame before bringing his eyes back to yours. Both of you take a step closer, your body pressed against one another. The warmth of the water hits you both. Just the silence alone for the both of you was more than enough to know what one another was feeling. Just the taste of him made you hooked

Your fingers grazed his thigh till your fingers reached for his semi-hardened cock. Ran letting out a shallow breath as his eyes still focused on you. Stroking his cock slowly, feeling him twitch in your hand as she began to get harder. Ran leaned in kissing your lips, his hands sliding down your back gripping your ass cheeks firmly in his hands.

“I thought you wouldn’t have wanted more so soon?” lightly panting as you continued to stroke him. Your body pressing against the cold wet tile wall. Ran's hands gripping your thighs effortlessly lifting you off the floor. Your legs wrapped around his waist “I wanna feel your bare body against mine.” he cooed softly. “I would be lying if I said I didn't want to either…. Just don’t drop me.” 

“I wouldn’t do such a thing, you're too valuable to drop.” pressing his lips against yours. The tip of his cock slid in so easily as he held onto you. It would be sometime before you both left the shower. 

~~~~~~~~

On the other side of town, Draken was having drinks with Mikey and a few others. Letting them know what happened. “Do you think Ran could have set this up?” Mikey asked.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he did because of what he found out... But if it’s a way to try and win her back I'm not backing down like that.” Draken took a drink of his beer. “She sounded frustrated on the phone. I even offered to let her and d/n stay at my place but she declined. I don't know all the details but I will see her in a few days. I told her if she needs  something to let me know.” 

“Ran is going to have her on a close scope. Highly doubt he would let her out of his sight for too long… Still, you know what might happen if she is there too long..” Mikey said. “I'm not saying she will but there is always the possibility.” “I know…” Draken kept getting flashbacks of multiple scenes with you “I know there is something there between me and her there always was something now that it is out in the air I’m not letting go.” ~~~~~

“Ran you can’t mmmm no more cum can fit inside of me ~~~~” Your hair was still damp he had to sprawl out on the couch, the incubus inside of Ran couldn’t control himself he couldn’t stop. The cum was dripping onto the sheets, even if he was feeling tired he needed to fill you just one more time. “Come on baby girl just one more time for Daddy.” he held the back of your thighs pushing them to your chest. “Take all my cum.~” he glanced down at your swollen cunt that had both of your juices on it. In the back of his mind, he may have another alternative motive to fill you up this much but he wouldn’t say it out loud. If it happened once it could happen again.

But if it happened would it be the results he wanted or someone else’s results? IF IT HAPPENS

to be continued....

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[hanjist]

take a bite.

content - stray kids’ seungmin. gn!reader. angst. fluff in the end. jisung mention.

warning - none.

word count - 760.

a/n - inspired by take a bite by beabadoobee. not proof read.

moments that cease to exist. what is it about seungmin that infatuates you? is it him or is it really your imagination? even he’s confused about why you like him.

seungmin has known about your crush since forever, meaning since you blurted it out to one of his blabbermouth friends during a party hosted by one of the sororities on your campus. how were you supposed to know that it was jisung? you were so drunk to the point your vision became blurry.

seungmin has never had a crush or been crushed on by someone, which is why he questions you. why do you like him? he’s not all that as you deemed he was. he’s very school oriented, isolated, and not that sociable. is that what you like in a guy? it’s all he wonders about.

you on the other hand, portrayed him to be the picture perfect boyfriend you’d want in your life. one who would make time for you. who would sacrifice anything for you. who loves you. but that’s not seungmin.

if anything, he’s far from it.

his little glances at you through the halls and the parties you both attend. you think it’s because he’s trying to get a glimpse of you, truth is that he’s wondering how you got invited. when he talks to you and makes conversation. you think it’s because he wants to know more about you, it’s only because you’re in the same economics class as him and he’s just making connections. reality is that everything you think of are moments that cease to exist.

your attention, the things you think about him, you in general… it gives him an ego boost. it makes him cocky about himself now. yet he still questions why everything about you. is that really what you want in a man?

seungmin can’t help but wonder, so he takes matters in his own hands. the moment he runs into you, he reaches his hand out to stop you in your tracks. you look up at him, the sun shining in your face as you’re standing outside of the library. you squint and place your hand on top of your forehead to shield you from the beams of light. seungmin finds it cute how your face scrunches but instead of focusing on you, he needs to get the story straight and his questions answered.

“y/n? is it true that you like me?”

“oh, i didn’t expect that! uh, i mean secrets already out so might as well say yes…”

“so… you do?”

seungmin’s face only shows confusion at your previous response.

“yes, i do. is that all you wanted to ask?”

you glance around him, looking at your friends across the pathway, watching you talk to seungmin.

“no. not just that.”

seungmin tries to get the words out, but his body betrays him and his voice goes silent when trying to spit out what he wants to say. he attempts again and ends up stammering. he takes a deep breath then sighs before he makes his final attempt.

“why me?”

“why not you?”

you’re confused at his second question. really— why not him?

“i think im a little conceited honestly. also, ive never been liked by anybody before. how come it has to be you who likes me? im not athletic, not that smart, hell… im not even sociable! your admiration for me is giving me one hell of an ego boost though.”

your mind goes back to the reality you face as you look at seungmin. he’s right, why did you like him? it was all a facade. every moment you thought about him was just all in your imagination, your delusions.

“but don’t get me wrong, y/n. i think i like you too.”

think? he thinks he likes you?

“what do you mean by think?”

“im not sure. i just never explored my feelings, even if its you.”

boy, you sure are being cocky right now seungmin!

“you don’t seem to think before you speak.”

you respond to him while crossing your arms. seungmin slaps his hands on his cheeks and drags them down his face.

“you’re right… sorry.”

a moment of awkward silence between you makes you both tense up.

“uh… sorry. i might’ve crossed your boundaries. i’ll leave you alone now.”

as he turns to walk away, he puts his hands in his front pockets. you notice how his ears have turned red.

“seungmin, wait-“

he immediately turns back to you.

“want to figure this out over dinner later?”

you take your chances.

“sure.”

[m4sonn]

DROP THE RAPPER!CURLY AND SCIENTIST!PONY LORE

Alright guys get ready this is gonna be fire

Ponyboy always wanted to be a writer, we all know that, but as he got older he realized being a writer was most likely not gonna pay the bills and he was honestly convinced curly (his bf) was gonna end up like… sleeping on a bench in a park… so he decided to go with another of his passions, science! It’s his favorite subject other than ELA. He ends up being like… super duper well known and makes a bunch of breakthroughs in his field, he managed to earn himself a Nobel peace prize!! Woohoo!! (He’s also pretty well known for his name and bc he actually publishes the outsiders (it’d be an autobiography in this au) and it’s definitely as famous, if not more famous, as it is in modern days) While pony was going to Harvard on a full science scholarship curly was flunking community college! Originally curly’s major was probably either music, business, or ethnic studies. Well… he flunked out and lived with pony in his apartment off campus. Well.. curly starts up a career in rapping, his raps aren’t about liek fucking bitches or wtv most of the time, usually they’re just about gang violence, growing up on the streets, and if anything his songs have more of a Kendrick Lamar or a redbone type vibe to them, if anything his music is kind of like mozzy. Well… curly definitely goes somewhere, a lot farther than pony thought, he ends up like mega famous. Like genuinely drake level (minus the pedophile stuff >o<). Well…… curly always had his hands in his pockets or he’s just like… slouched in an awkward position so you can’t see his hands, like during interviews he’s definitely just wearing some Nike slides, champion long socks, some non-name brand basketball shorts, a baggy black hoodie, and some beats which he doesn’t take off when people are talking to him. Even though he has money he still chooses to dress like a bum. But I digress. Curly and pony keep their personal life very private, curly honestly could care less but he just goes along with wtv pony wants so he doesn’t talk about pony in interviews or anything because pony’s a bit worried they’ll be less respected if they come out as being gay. Well, one day Curly’s getting interviewed by like… fucken’ Ellen DeGenerous or something I don’t fucking know, but anyways he’s getting interviewed and the woman’s like “so, when are you gonna tie the knot, lock is down with someone? Yknow? Have a family.” (Curly has talked about ‘fucking bitches’ and ‘fucking hoes’ only twice in his music career and when pony asked about it he responded with “Don’t worry babe, you’re the bitches and hoes, you’re the only one I be fucking.” Pony wasn’t sure how to respond to that.) and he was so utterly confused by this, he held up his hand, showing his wedding ring, “what? I’m literally married”. The interviewer was genuinely flabbergasted, “so… err… who’s the lucky lady…?” And he just looks even more confused (mind you this is the most emotion he has ever shown… like… ever in his whole career, curly is generally a very expressionless person.) “who said it was a girl??” The media was ALL OVER him after that, paparazzi and all that jazz. Well, after that, it became the biggest thing on the internet to try and track down who this mystery guy was. After a while the paparazzi found them eating at (I almost doxxed myself by putting a food place that only has one location which is in the city I live in but it’s the best fucking food ive ever had I’m literally frothing at the mouth thinking of their waffles rn.) some random breakfast spot together. Neither of them confirmed it until pony gave curly the ok to post something about it.

Bonuses!!:

Purly but curly makes drake type music and pony makes Lana del Rey type songs!!!

[terabyteturtle]

So, considering it says "gate: open" i assume requests are open? If so could I please get a Nina Williams SFW alphabet? im sure youre already swamped so if you dont want to then please just discard this, and I hope you have a good day:)

💜 Nina Williams SFW Alphabet 💜

Yes indeed, anon! Anytime the garden gate is open, that means you can put in requests. Hope you enjoy!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Nina isn’t really that affectionate, especially not in the beginning. For the majority of her life, she’s had to keep people at an arm’s length, with her loyalty being bought and sold with every job she’s taken. You’re probably one of, if not the first, person to ever manage to get this close to her, both physically and emotionally. At the start of your relationship, she’s incredibly reserved when it comes to affection. For a while, Nina won’t go beyond giving you a quick peck here and there. If you want anything more, like a hug for example, she’ll either awkwardly give it to you or just straight up deny you. It takes her a while to adjust, and even when she does, there are still a lot of steps that you have to take before you can properly establish a comfortable routine of affection. The problem with Nina is that she doesn’t think to do it unless prompted to, which might stem from operating behind others’ shadows for a living. As the relationship goes on, though, she’ll start getting better at it. Just don’t expect PDA. Ever.

B = Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

It would certainly take a lot to start a friendship with Nina, but once it starts going, she’s the cool, badass friend that doesn’t care about what anybody thinks. Once you get to know her, she’s the perfect partner-in-crime and will have your back no matter what. If you ask her about her opinion on something, she will give you an honest answer. Nina doesn’t care about how blunt or brutal she sounds—she refuses to spare anyone’s feelings. Truth hurts sometimes; that’s just how life works. Nina’s also an amazing listener and will help you through whatever issues you might be going through, giving you sage advice with that velvet voice of hers. The friendship would probably start out with you serving her coffee at Smith Coffee. Nina enjoys going there when she has some time to herself, and she finds the atmosphere there nice and calming. She’s become a regular customer there, and you already know what she’s going to get each time she comes in. Despite normally being a cold-blooded assassin, she warms up to you quite a bit and talks to you whenever she sees you.

C = Comfort (How do they comfort you? Are they good at it or are they kinda awkward? How do they like to be comforted?)

Nina is a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. If you need comfort, she’ll sit by your side, place a hand on your shoulder, and place a kiss on your temple, silently letting you know that she’s there if you need her. If you’d like to talk about it, she’ll listen carefully, following every word and responding if necessary. As someone who’s seen and been through a lot in her life, Nina is very wise and gives amazing advice. If she has some to give you, it’d be in your best interest to hear her out. Even if you think you don’t need it, it might come in handy later on. If you’d rather not speak about it, she’ll kiss your temple and remind you that she’s there if you change your mind. For someone so generally cold-hearted, she’s actually great at comforting you. She always knows the right thing to say, and her presence is surprisingly soothing. She herself doesn’t need comforting. Or that’s what she says, at least. It’s extremely difficult to tell when Nina’s upset, as she always has a stoic expression on her face. If you ever believe that she’s distressed, the best thing to do is show her you care in the best way you know how.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Before she met you, Nina hadn’t given settling down a single thought. She’d focused solely on her work, and when she had time off, she only intended on relaxing. She’d never thought she’d fall in love with anybody, let alone settle down with them. But after Nina met you, that all changed. She was reluctant to accept it in the beginning, but now that you’ve been together for a while, she realizes that she’s completely enamored of you and that she’s willing to put everything else aside to be with you. Nina’s skilled at both cooking and cleaning, as she’s had to take care of herself for a long time. When she was younger, she had to pick up a lot of household duties alongside her sister. However, she’s not going to do any of it alone. Nina will make sure you hold up your end of the load, just as she’ll hold up hers.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with you, how would they do it?)

Like with most things, she’ll be blunt about it. Nina will keep a straight face and act as though it doesn’t affect her, but you’ll notice small things that tell you otherwise, like the way she’s hiding her eyes with her sunglasses or the way she clenches her fists by her sides when your heart breaks in front of her. Having made it this far with you, Nina doesn’t see herself ever needing to put an end to things. Unless you betray her trust, she intends to stay by your side.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Until she met you, commitment was never something she thought about. Hell, her whole life pretty much centered around having no true commitment at all. But there’s a first time for everything, and for the first time in forever, Nina feels genuine loyalty for someone, and that someone is you. She would wait for a long time to get married. First, Nina has to get comfortable in the relationship before she gives marriage a single thought. It's a big step, and she won’t be ready to take it for a while. She wants to know that you're in it for the long run and that this isn't just some casual fling for you. In exchange for her loyalty, Nina wants to have yours. Even when she is ready for commitment, there's still matters of her job that have to be worked out. It's going to take a long time, but it gives you a chance to prove that you truly love her. 

G = Gentle (How tender are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Initially, Nina will be very rigid with you, both physically and emotionally. Any sort of affection will feel awkward, especially since you have to ask her for it most of the time, and her icy demeanor won't be easy to melt. Over time, though, she’ll soften up. Physically, as she grows used to affection, Nina will be gentler. Emotionally, she’ll be tender when it comes to your emotions, but will remain closed up when it comes to hers. It can be somewhat frustrating, but with enough patience, Nina will eventually realize that she can take her walls down around you.

H = Hugs n' Cuddles (Do they like hugs/cuddles? What are they like? How often do they happen?)

Nina doesn’t like them at all, at least not initially. In fact, she practically despises them at the start of your relationship. For a while, all hugs and cuddles will be tense, awkward, and somewhat forced, as you would have to ask if you ever wanted some from her. Sometimes, she’ll just outright reject you, and other times, she’ll at least try to be normal about it. As time goes on, however, Nina will finally relax, and affectionate actions will come more naturally to her. When it comes to hugs, she has a penchant for wrapping her arms around your waist and resting her chin on your shoulder. When it comes to cuddles, she likes having an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close to her side. Nina won’t admit it, but she has a protective instinct when it comes to you, and the way she cuddles you is subtle proof of that. She’s always cool to the touch for some reason, so if you’re feeling a little too warm, just rest your cheek on her shoulder and you’ll be all set. At the start, hugs and cuddles hardly ever happen unless you explicitly ask for them, but once Nina gets comfortable, they become more frequent.

I = I Love You (How quickly do they tell you they love you?)

Nina doesn’t vocalize her feelings very often, and even when she does, she usually doesn’t convey emotion through her words. Essentially, it will take forever for her to tell you she loves you. Even if you say it first, she won’t say it back to you. She’ll either nod or reply with a snarky comment like “A horrible decision, really.” Don’t be deceived, though—despite how she acts, Nina has a heart; it’s just shielded under many layers of ice that need a whole lot of warmth to melt. With time, that cold exterior will thaw to reveal a side of her that’s capable of feeling things, regardless of whether or not she might want to. When she finally tells you she loves you, it sounds so flat and terse that it almost doesn’t sound like she means it. But she does, and the fact that she’s saying those three words alone means that she’s genuinely trying to be more open to you.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)

You wouldn’t be able to tell, but Nina can get pretty jealous. She’s hot and she knows it, but she worries that someone more “passionate” might come along and make you theirs instead. Nina does NOT want to risk this happening, so anybody who tries to talk to you will instantly earn a look of disapproval from her. If they’re someone you’re cool with, then she’ll tone it down a bit, but she’ll continue to stay on guard as she does not trust anyone aside from you. If the other person is openly flirting with you, then she’ll shoot them down immediately, saying you two have more important things to deal with. Nina won’t wait for any sort of bold move or sign of discomfort from you; she’ll handle the situation before it can even start. Anyone reckless enough to try harassing you at any point will regret it instantly. Her deadly assassination arts, combined with piercing insults, will have the other person apologizing to you in seconds.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Nina’s kisses, for the most part, are short and simple. Quick pecks are her go-to because she finds them convenient. They’re subtle gestures that save time and energy, and they’re perfect for when she has to go do something important (which, considering her job, is almost all the time). However, there are times where Nina likes settling down and diving a little deeper with her kisses, making them slower and more involved than a simple peck would be. This would occur later on in the relationship, typically after a long, tough day. She usually likes to kiss you on the cheek, as she finds it’s the most accessible place for her. Meanwhile, as much as she hates to admit it, Nina indulges in lip kisses. Despite her attitude and tendency to be unapproachable, deep down she wants to be loved. She might tense up a bit and act threatened at first, but that’s only because she’s not used to it. Nina truly appreciates the love you give her every day, and lip kisses are a special reminder to her that you’re on her side.

L = Little Ones (How are they around children and what are their thoughts on them?)

Nina tries not to interact with children very much. She finds them obnoxious, irritating, and difficult to deal with. If she finds herself around one, she won’t be blatantly rude, but she won’t take on a sort of caring, motherly role toward them. Nina will try her best to ignore them, and if that doesn’t work, she’ll just give them terse replies until they get bored with her. Over the years, she’s found that if you just sit there and do nothing, kids will quickly lose interest. She’s great at doing this, and she’d rather not waste her time and energy interacting with someone that she doesn’t care about. This is why Nina refuses to have kids of her own. Even if it’s something you want, she won’t go through with it. She just knows that she wouldn’t be a good mother. She doesn’t care much for her own son, whom she had without knowledge or consent, and the way she grew up doesn’t really give her much of a basis to go off of. If Nina were to have a kid, one that she actually planned for, she would have no idea what to do. Her whole life experience has left a bad impression on her when it comes to having children, so unless you can somehow convince her, she’s going to be dead set against it.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings are usually pretty chill, as Nina’s more of a night owl than an early bird. She won’t say much—she’ll just drink her coffee or some tea with milk and sit there quietly. She might look out a window, or read the newspaper, or listen to whatever you might have to say. For breakfast, she’ll usually opt for something quick and easy, as she usually has to get ready for work and head out the door as soon as possible. If she has time, Nina will be happy to make you something as well. If you’re still asleep while she’s awake, she’ll silently get ready and leave you a note before she leaves. On days Nina doesn’t have work, she’ll sleep in with you, and you’ll often go out for breakfast together. Smith Coffee is her favorite place to go, as she really enjoys the food and atmosphere, but she’ll be open to try anywhere new if you have any suggestions.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights with Nina are just as quiet, if not more so than mornings. After everything she has to go through on a daily basis, she barely has the energy to do much other than relax. She might talk a little bit if you ask her about her day, but everything she says will be short and to the point. On most nights, you won’t get any long-winded sentences out of her. Nina enjoys pouring herself a cup of scotch, putting on some TV (preferably Tom and Jerry), and hanging out on the couch until one of you falls asleep. The night typically ends with one of you falling asleep and the other having to wake you up when it’s time for bed, but there have been times where both of you will fall asleep and just spend the whole night in the living room.

O = Open (At what point would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or take their time with it?)

Between her reserved personality and the hidden trust issues that have developed over the years, Nina will take forever to open up to you. It might seem like an impossible task, especially during the early stages of the relationship, but with enough patience and time, you can get her to open up. The fact that she’s even in a relationship with you is evidence enough that she values you more than the average person, so that alone shows that earning her trust is achievable. During the first few months, you’ll learn more about her basic likes and dislikes. Nina might mention her sister in passing, but she won’t really get into detail about her until way later. As months turn into years, she’ll gradually reveal more and more about herself. You’ll learn about her various jobs, her rivalry with Anna, and her atypical childhood. If it’s late, and if she’s had a little too much scotch, Nina might become more vocal about more sensitive parts of her life. She hides a lot of regret beneath that cold-blooded exterior, and with time, you’ll become the first person she’s ever spoken to about any of it.

P = Patience (How patient are they?)

Nina is usually very impatient with people. She can’t stand it when people aren’t direct with their answers, and incompetency of any sort just gets on her nerves. It annoys her even more if it interferes with her work. If her patience wears thin, she’ll let it show through her voice, giving terse remarks and replies that are even more cutthroat than usual. When it comes to you, she’s not much better, but she tries her best. If you make a mistake that Nina finds idiotic, she won’t hesitate to let you know. At the start of the relationship, she’ll borderline antagonize you for doing something stupid, but as it continues on, she’ll start to learn that being brutally honest isn’t always the best way to go.

Q = Quizzes (How much do they remember about you? Do they remember every detail or kinda forget everything?)

Nina has to remember a lot, considering her job, but initially, she’ll become so consumed by work that she won’t remember much about you. Later on, however, Nina will start devoting more time to you and learning more about your likes, dislikes, interests, hobbies, and other things. She’ll find that she enjoys hearing you speak about distant happy memories or something you’re enthused about. At random points throughout the day, Nina will find herself looking back on various things you’ve said with a smile on her face. In short, nothing will come easy to her initially, but that’s only because of her devotion to work. Once the relationship progresses, she’ll have every little detail memorized and repeated in her head daily.

R = Remember (What is one of the most important moments of your relationship?)

The most important moment of your relationship was probably when you opened up to her about something really personal. It was a sad and sorrowful moment for you, and you greatly needed someone to share it with. Seeing as you cared for Nina so much, and that she was a great listener, you figured you could talk to her about it. You waited for her to come home and settle down before getting into it. Once you started speaking, you couldn’t stop. Unfortunately, you couldn’t stop the tears from falling either. As you continued to talk, your voice choked up and your eyes stung as they began to well up with emotional tears. Nina watched you as you cried, every heavy sob and light sniffle weighing down on her heart. This moment made her realize that she cared about you far more than she previously had thought. It unlocked something inside of her that just wanted to hold you and make all of the pain disappear. Silently, she wrapped her arms around you and ran her delicate fingers through your hair, showing you a new, caring side of her that only you were allowed to see.

S = Security (How protective are they and how would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Once you’ve completely gained her trust, she becomes extremely protective over you. Nina doesn’t trust anyone aside from you, which makes everyone else a thorn in her side. She’ll want to meet everyone you’re close to and evaluate for herself whether or not they’re safe to be around. There are times where she might be a little quick to judge, or just overboard with her judgment in general, so you’ll probably have to act as a voice of reason when it comes to someone she might not like. To protect you, Nina will use everything she has in her arsenal. Insults, assassination arts, guns—hell, she won’t hesitate to bring out an army of Jack-8s if she has to. You know that saying every rose has its thorns? Well, you’re the rose and she’s the thorns. When it comes to protecting her, she’d like to be protected the same way. Nina will never admit it, but defending her from anyone hostile and untrustworthy will earn you boundless admiration and respect, which is saying a lot when it comes to someone like her.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, etc?)

Honestly, Nina doesn’t even have to try when it comes to this stuff. Once she gets into the swing of things, knowing what to get and where to go for special occasions comes so naturally to her. Dates are always fabulous, anniversaries are always amazing, and gifts are always generous. She gets enjoyment from seeing your eyes light up whenever she brings something home for you, and you can tell by the little smirk that appears on her face that she takes pride in doing stuff for you. For dates, she’ll stick to the places that mean the most to you, as she knows that you’re always happy there. When your anniversary comes around, expect to be taken on a vacation—Nina needs it just as much as you do. If she has to be away for work, she’ll always bring you a cool souvenir that she knows you’ll like. Rest assured, Nina will take you to your favorite places, bring you to your dream destinations, and buy you whatever your heart desires, all without breaking a sweat.

U = Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs?)

Nina has a bad habit of closing herself off, which isn’t surprising considering that’s what she’d been used to doing for pretty much her whole life. She can also come off quite bitter and prickly at times, which can become frustrating to deal with or can hurt your feelings if she’s not careful. Whoever said words can act as weapons is certainly right—Nina’s sharp tongue often leaves deep wounds.

V = Values (What do they value in a partner?)

Nina values someone she can be honest with, as not many can handle what she has to say. Oftentimes, it’s not what she’s saying, it’s how she’s saying it, so she needs someone that can handle her terse, dry manner without taking too much offense. Additionally, Nina values loyalty. As someone who hasn’t seen a lot of it over the years, such a quality is rare to find in her eyes. Someone who will remain by her side, through thick and thin, is something she deeply craves and will hold onto like a priceless artifact.

W = Wedding (How are they on the big day? How do they help plan it out? Are they emotional or stoic?)

Nina’s shocked, to say the least. She never thought this day would ever come. Hell, she didn’t think marriage in general would ever be in her future, yet here she is, dolling herself up for the big ceremony. She’ll help you with anything you might need, but she doesn’t want to interfere too much with aesthetics. Nina wants you to pick out whatever you want for the wedding day. She doesn’t care what theme it is, where it’s located, or what’s being served as long as it’s something you want. Throughout the ceremony, Nina’s composed as usual, but the smile on her face tells you everything you need to know about her feelings for you.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them)

If she thinks she’s alone, Nina will hum to herself. Her voice is beautiful and melodic, so it serves as a shock to you whenever she refuses to hum a tune for you. Whenever you bring it up, she denies ever having done such a thing.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they can't stand, both in a partner and in general?)

There are a lot of things that annoy Nina, but one of the biggest things is sheer idiocy. She can’t comprehend how anybody could be so stupid, and it annoys her even more if they have a big ego and think they’re super intelligent.

Z = Zzz (What are some sleep habits of theirs?)

Nina’s a very light sleeper who will wake up at the drop of a hat, so to help keep herself relaxed, she always has a drink of tea before bed. For the most part, she doesn’t cause any disturbances. She’s pretty quiet and doesn’t move very much. While asleep, she’ll remain on her back with her hands placed on her stomach. Initially, she’ll refuse to sleep in the same room as you, but as the relationship progresses, Nina will become more comfortable with sharing a bed. For some reason, Nina’s always cool to the touch, so if you ever find yourself getting hot during the night, just lay your cheek on her shoulder and you’ll be good to go.

[jaxinvasion]

Hey Jax do you think June and Dave would have a friendship fallout after SBURB?

hey hermit!! sure is surprise to see you here!!

to put it simply, i don't think so. i'd be surprised if that happened given how close the two are, haha. but! im interested in hearing where the thought comes from… tell me more!

for now, i guess i’ll give my general thoughts on pepsicola under the cut.

if you know me i probably seem like the #1 pepsicola hater but its not really true. im just an unfortunate victim of missing their romantic moments and letting fanon pepsicola take its place in my brain. and god. do i hate fanon.

see, my problem with fanon pepsicola, in addition to essentially being the proto-davekat as well as yaoi (if no june), is that it really throws a wrench in the two parties’ dynamic. like, i remember hitting up a friend one day and being like. “DUDE. I JUST REALIZED. PEPSICOLA WORKS IF. THEIR DYNAMIC DOESNT CHANGE.” to which he responded with “you thought it changed??”

fanon pepsicola in my eyes is far too romantic. (it also has a problem of being a little too focused on dave’s perspective. which i dislike. cuz that’s all everyone does- focus on the strider perspective.) and i dont want to rant too much about how june is so aro or ace or gray or etc in my head but like all june ships it plays a huge factor. (maybe i could make a post about it if anybody is interested?)

i don’t have much to say on dave’s perspective, so i’ll focus on june’s. i feel like while she wouldnt be AVERSE to a relationship with dave, it would just catch her way off guard. but she’d be down!! but once they enter a relationship, i can see things changing. remember the exchange between jane and jake along the lines of the following?

GG: Who CARES anymore. Go have some babies!!

GT: Woah!! Jane the decision to sire children with ones best bro is not to be taken lightly.

i feel like this is how june would approach a relationship with dave. she’d take it way too seriously and overthink it! i can see her doing both and kinda making things awkward? it’d change their relationship and i don’t think dave would rock with it ngl. he could deal with it for a little, but eventually i think he’d break it off. so sad!

…but i dont like to think that’d be the end of it. june and dave are super close, and i’d be surprised if they stopped being friends. ideally? they’d actually talk it out. it’d be a really tough thing for june to actually acknowledge her emotions and how she treats her friends, but it’d help a lot.

annd… yeah those are my thoughts on pepsicola. im a lot more fond of it as m/f, but that’s just cuz i dislike men. thanks again for your ask, hermit!!!

[littlerosetrove]

The point of this post is to explain why I, personally, enjoy Buck/Tommy. I’m not trying to convince or persuade anyone to feel as I do. And in that same vein, whoever reads this, if you read this all the way until the end and you’re still neutral or still dislike Buck/Tommy, honestly that’s fine. However, please do not comment or reblog to try to dissuade me from my enjoyment. If by the end of this post, whoever you are, still feels unsure about Buck/Tommy, truly that’s fine, but I’m not the person to talk to about your unease or hesitancy, okay? 

All right. 

I’ll state it up front that, yes, Buck/Tommy did happen a bit quickly. I agree, but it doesn’t really bother me. Allow me to explain and elaborate. I’ll be jumping around talking about Buck, Buck/Tommy and just Tommy, so bare with me.

For starters, I’m just happy to see Buck so giddy, excited, and happy about a love interest. The last time we’ve seen Buck remotely like this was with Abby. So it’s just a refreshing thing to witness and frankly for Buck to experience. Once Buck got past admitting, “oh yeah, my date was with a guy,” Buck was so excited to talk about Tommy with Maddie, someone very important to him. As well, I don’t think any previous love interests have looked so charmed and smitten with Buck the way Tommy does. On that note. Tommy has seen Buck be goofy, jealous, inquisitive, awkward, nervous, sweet, honest, a little bit of a mess, and still thought, “yeah, I’m attracted to this one.” <3

Now I fully recognize that Buck is not suddenly fixed by having gone on one official date with Tommy. Certainly not. Buck most definitely still has plenty of issues to work through, and on some level, probably always will because - just look at his past. Now I don’t know how long Buck is going to be with Tommy, but I don’t think there’s any inherent harm in Buck, even with his issues, dating Tommy for a little while. I don’t see it as Buck doing some kind of irrevocable damage to himself or Tommy if they just date for a bit. Yes, at some point Buck should be on his own and do some self reflection (which he struggles with), but until then? I’d just like to see Buck continue to be excited to get to know Tommy, and work on figuring out how he feels about his uncovered queerness. 

Tommy is a breath of fresh air in many ways to me. A big thing is that he already had a connection to the 118. He’s a firefighter and also air rescue, thus can understand and click with Buck on a major and important level. Abby was a first responder, yes, but she too like all other past love interests of Buck’s were still pretty much disconnected from Buck’s friends, family, and his job. They were almost always separate. Then we can add on the fact that Tommy is friends with Eddie, which is another big connecting point for Buck and Buck and Tommy in general. Hell, Tommy has already met Christopher who already appears to like Tommy, too. The only previous girlfriend of Bucks that met Christopher was Taylor Kelly of all people, and I doubt Chris and Taylor interacted all that much since Eddie and Buck were there as buffers. Plus that dinner was for Eddie’s sake more than anyone else. To be clear about Bucks previous relationships, Abby was an interesting character that I liked, but I was certainly not impressed with her ghosting Buck and then not really apologizing for that. Ali was perfectly fine, but she was barely there, so there was no time or reason to get attached. Taylor Kelly is the only one I hate and do I really need to explain why? Natalia was fine I guess. She was hardly developed, so I certainly never got attached to her. We never understood why she liked Buck beyond him dying. She was also very much a “no homo” insert, but that’s just me. In addition, the only compelling relationship Buck has had up to this point was with Abby. There was nothing to grasp onto for Ali or Natalia, and please tell me what was compelling or fun to watch about Taylor and Buck being in an unhealthy and miserable relationship. Idk, maybe if I’d watched season 4 live, I might have felt a little more open towards Taylor and Buck and their friendship, but I kinda doubt it. When I did watch it all I could think of was, “why does Buck want to be friends with Taylor Kelly of all people so bad?” But anyway. Tommy is the first love interest of Bucks that I actually like, without any hesitation. He’s just a good guy, and a little bit silly (fake mouth static you’ll always be famous). Though some people ignore it, Tommy did change in season 2. Yes he started out as a jerk, someone just going with the bad flow of the firehouse (and to protect himself), but he did change from that. I think in his last episode of season 2 it shows him being on much better terms with Hen and Chimney. They threw him a “moving to Harbor” party! In present times? Tommy’s clearly more at ease, confident, friendly, charming, sweet, has shown vulnerability, is honest, social, mature, and helped Hen and Chimney at the drop of a hat - at the risk of being suspended or fired - to save Athena and Bobby. I’m sure I can list off more traits and interesting attributes, but you get it. To me Tommy already has a lot of personality and I do look forward to discovering and learning more about him. And that’s an important thing, that I’m interested in Tommy as a character. I’m not trying to be a dick, but I couldn’t say the same for most of Buck’s previous love interests (nor Eddie’s). 

And sure Buck needed some nudging from Eddie to not give up on Tommy, but he did actively reach out to and meet up with Tommy, and was honest about where he is in all this, you know? That’s a key thing, Buck being more active. He passively fell into every other relationship he’s been in. That’s not me dismissing those relationships, because Buck did learn something from each. I’m pointing out an important difference. Buck, before Tommy kissed him at the loft and when they met up at the cafe, has been quite open and honest with Tommy. At least on screen, idk when Buck has been quite this upfront about stuff at the start of things, so to speak, with a love interest. That’s progress for Buck. Perhaps not massive, but it’s not nothing. 

Like. Buck just discovered a whole new and big part of himself. He discovered this missing piece of him that’s eluded him for so long (basically his whole life). He’s going to be messy about it. But just because he’s going to be a bit off balance about it doesn’t mean he shouldn’t date someone (re: Tommy) right now. Tommy is aware that this is all new for Buck (side note: here’s a link to a post that talks about the nuance of Tommy, while gentle with Buck, was a bit annoyed at the end of their date and wanted to leave, which was fair and valid. it’s a good read). At the same time, as I mentioned early on in the post, I also think that yeah, at some point Buck does need to be on his own to do some much needed self reflection. Until then, damn, I just want him to try out this sweet thing he has going with Tommy. 

And yeah, I just think Buck and Tommy are cute together. I do think they have chemistry (which was lacking/absent in some of Bucks previous relationships). I’m intrigued by the potential they have together, even knowing they’re not meant for something long term, and that’s okay. Even for a short time they still can have a good and happy time. And in my ideal world, they’ll remain friends when they part ways.  

If I had to attempt to sum this all up… I find Tommy interesting on his own, and I like what I’ve seen with Buck and Tommy together. I’m thrilled to see Buck so into and smitten with Tommy, since we haven’t seen Buck like this since Abby. Buck and Tommy are cute and refreshing to watch. Plus, I want to see Tommy stick around and not just for Buck, but because of his friendship with Eddie, and to see him continue to? properly? reconnect with Chimney, Hen, and Bobby. 

If you read till the end, thanks! Even now I feel like I probably missed explaining something haha.

[obscureother]

🌑 ˚x'˙ intro. . ??

Hello. . !! im new to tumblr, so sorry if wonky things happen while im setting this up. im still trying to figure things out guys-

i lurk on other accounts for general content but im closeted n shy so i made this one to yell about things instead so i don’t expose myself to people i know lolol

if you know or find other profiles i own, i request you not expose it for those reasons before im comfortable to.

so this is just an f/o blog/journaling. . thing. I'm not entirely sure what content will be here, but it will be centered around f/os, self-shipping, and its just to give me a place to yell about the people that live in my/your brain rent-free and know they don’t exist but we pretend they do anyway for comfort reasons and serotonin, dopamine, uhh what other things feel good and ok??

some of it will be for you if I happen to think of something, other times it is for me to explode over my fixation f/os!!

youre also welcome to come yell about your f/os if you just need someone to talk to them about!! dont think i know em?? COME OVER and INTRODUCE THEM. you can come in DMs, asks, or however you want to!! id be happy to know your f/o or listen to you talk about them if no one else will :00

This is a comfort blog to me, so there wont be any room for meanness or intended offenses here. Dont come to me with troublesome things or somehow twist/morph my content into something its not, we're just here to have a cool time with our fictional people, bro. . :((

ok who r you tho:

To be honest, I don’t have a name or something to go by as of posting this, I might get one later or just make a new comment all fancy for the pin. . For now you can just call me whatever you deem good or just go off my blog/username!! Don’t be mean tho. i may take one you guys think of or figure it out on my own.

they/them

im 21 yo. (if youre a minor, i dont mind you coming to say hello, but do look below the other stuff content for what you need to look out for. you should also know some of you goofy kiddos have energies i dont know how to respond to sometimes, so dont worry if i get awkward or something, its not your fault lolol.)

im in college, so forgive me if im slow, im also just not on tumblr very often :v i dont ghost people on purpose i swEaR-

i might post my f/os on a whole list, idk yet, but theyll prolly be mentioned sometimes to the very least. you can def ask of them tho!! (edited: i made an f/o list if you want to see them.)

i dont know if ill post content of my own f/os or me/my sona for them, but it could be there.

i dont mind sharing f/os!! id love to yell about them together. if you dont like that, then its ok!! i either wont talk about them with you so you can be their person when we talk of them, or you can just block/not interact. ill be sad i dont get to meet you, but its ok.

other stuff:

Nothing explicit/detailed will normally be posted. but: The worst there will be is just being hormonally silly from kind of "rrr ovaries go brr, chew on theM-" energy of my f/os. i will try to create a tag to mark it with so you can exclude honky content if you want or need to later, tho. from what i know, you can "block" tags. . so i think that will work if you like the other goofy stuff on the blog??

(edited: I DID IT, I DID THEM, LOOK: 🌑obscure tags list for the obscure blog )

NSFW talk can be in DMs, tho.

DO NOT come to me with those concepts if youre a minor tho, oh dear GOD. honky grown-up talk is not for you goofy child-folk.

LGBTQ+ friendly!! im nonbinary and love everybody. youre ok too. 💙

i do roleplay sometimes, but only in dms n please dont go exposing our roleplays to others. . i would be very not comfy :"0

if you want to roleplay, you can dm me to ask but i dont have to say yes or i might not be able to. im slow too dfsdf=

i may or may not make a side blog once i figure out how to do stuff, but know that until then, im going to just post whatever on this one til i know how to do things on tumblr lolol.

forgive me if some of my content gets deleted, edited, whatever as we go. like i said, this whole thing is very new to me and its not very organized for now. its just there. its gonna get wonky over here on my side for a bit.

• tiny bat gif •

[lovepersevering13]

elaborate on tori springs autism

Ok I’m gonna start this by saying that the topic I’m most passionate about in the entire universe is Tori Spring (As well as Michael, Charlie and Oliver) being a very autistic coded character and so this post is a very long info dump about it because it consumes almost all of my waking thoughts.

Anyway, quick summary, I believe that Tori Spring has autism because of her social struggles, mannerisms and general outlook on life. Like how she always talks about not fitting in, she gets really obsessed with specific things (Star Wars and Solitaire) and she struggles to express her emotions, often leading up to an intense emotional outburst (Autistic meltdown).

Forewarning - I am obviously not a licensed psychiatrist (I’m literally just a mentally ill teenage girl) and so I don’t actually have the capability to diagnose anyone, I just have a lot of time to waste studying the DSM-5-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision) and analysing Tori Spring. Also, Autism is different for everyone and this is just one perspective of it based on research and the DSM-5 which obviously doesn’t cover every autistic persons experience. OH, Also, I tried really hard to focus on using ‘person-first’ language when I was writing it but I may have messed up a few times so let me know if I did! Also let me know if there is anything else incorrect here so I can fix it :)

Ok now that’s out of the way I will start with what we know is true: Tori Spring likely struggles with Depression. It’s a generally accepted fact amoungst the fandom due to Tori’s negative outlook on life and suicidal ideation (at the end of Solitiare). Now, why is this relevant? Well Autism and Depression are often comorbid diagnosis, people with Autism being 4 times more likely than Neurotypical’s to experience a diagnosis of Depression.

So she’s already got that going for her, let’s take a look at Solitaire and some excerpts from that which highlight different aspects of the Autism diagnostic criteria in the DSM-5. This is based of what I annotated the first time I read Solitaire about a year ago there may be more that I missed.

A. Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.

- “No- Tori just held a conversation by herself” - Becky Allen, Solitaire, Page 28

- “I think you’re breaking down.” I cough loudly. “I’m not a car.” Solitaire, page 311.

In this quote Tori is taking things wayyy too literally which is common amoungst many people with Autism due to the way they process information.

- “I think… it’s unlikely that anyone would want to catch a grenade for anyone else. Or jump I doesn’t of a train for anyone else. That’s very counterproductive.” Solitaire, Page 45

Again the literal thinking (I also have this exact thought every time I hear this song).

- “I drift away and picture myself….” Solitaire, Page 33

Ok so I didn’t want to include this entire quote because it’s really long but essentially she’s thinking about what it would be like to be, for lack of better word, neurotypical. To be confident in social interactions and always say the right thing, say things that people are interested in and to not be awkward or shy.

- “I quite like cats, and I saw it for the first time at lunch in the cafeteria. I almost felt like I’d made a new friend,” Solitaire, Page 68

Often people with Autism prefer interaction with animals, this is theorised to be because social interaction with animals can compensate for a lack of social interaction with peers. Oh also a lot of people say that cats are kinda autistic coded animals because of their similar mannerisms to people with autism.

- “Emotions are humanities fatal disease.” Solitaire, Page 346

2. Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.

- “I think it’s important to make the effort. Social conventions and all,” Solitaire, page 43

- “I need to control my staring” Solitaire, page 45

3. Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

- “Then again, I don’t feel very similar to anyone at all” Solitaire, Page 20

Many people who have Autism (Especially Women) often report that they don’t “fit in” with their peers, there are a variety of reasons for this but it is often related to masking and just generally struggling to socialise the same way their Neurotypical peers do.

- “There’s a time and a place for being normal. For most people, normal is their default setting. But for some, like you and me, normal is something we have to bring out, like putting on a suit for a posh dinner.” - Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 61

This quote from Michael is one of my favourites in Solitaire and I feel heavily related to the autistic experience. It pretty much perfectly describes the experience of autistic masking.

- “I thought it’d be nice to try and rekindle this friendship. But it’s too hard. I don’t want to talk to anyone.” Solitaire, Page 99

- “I’m no expert on social etiquette.” Solitaire, Page 140

B. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

1. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

- “I kick the floor and spin. The world hurricanes around me. I don’t know how long I do this,” Solitaire, Page 84

This quote is just Tori stimming, she stims quite a bit in the book but this was just one example I picked.

- “I watch that scene three times and then turn it off,” Solitaire, Page 102

- “Playing ‘Fix You’ by Coldplay over and over on repeat” Solitaire, (I forgot the page)

These are another two examples of stimming that I wanted to include because it shows different forms of stimming (repeatedly watching or listening to something) that aren’t talked about as much.

2. Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).

- “It’s not a very funny programs but I still seem to watch at least on episode every single day.” Solitaire, Page 100

While this could just be because it’s on tv I figured if she really didn’t enjoy the show she could definitely watch something else. This is probably an example of “preservation” which is a coping mechanism that helps people with autism to find comfort in predictability and routine.

3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

- “The matter of the fact is that Star Wars was actually a major obsession of mine when I was a kid” Solitaire, Page 24

Apparently most children don’t have extreme, obsessions that consume all of their waking thoughts (I cannot attest to this, I’ve been hyper fixating on random stuff since I was like 2). Anyway, hyper fixation is a sign of Autism which is often overlooked in girls because it’s usually something related to pop culture and is ignored as just being “fangirling”.

- “I have already stuck all of Solitaires previous posts. My wall is completely covered.” Solitaire, Page 297

This is only one example but if you’ve read solitaire you’ll know that Tori gets very obsessed with solitaire and especially toward the end of the book I’d argue that it does start to become quite a hyper fixation.

4. Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

- “I started to feel all this hair on my forehead and my cheeks and how it plastered my shoulders and back and I felt it creeping around me like worms, choking me to death.” Solitaire, Page 15

So this is an example of sensory overload, while this can affect anyone, it is very common in people with Autism as they often have a hyper awareness of sensory stimuli, causing it to become very overwhelming. So this can happen with things like sound as well and I didn’t put it in here but there is another quote when she’s at Becky’s party talking about how loud it is.

- “At some point I fall asleep but I can here all these creaky noises coming from outside” Solitaire, page 65

So this quote isn’t exactly that special but it’s the way she brings it up every time she sleeps, like she’s so hyper aware of the sounds outside that it begins to prevent her from sleeping.

Here are some other miscellaneous quotes that I wanted to throw in because I think they are relevant:

- “Who would I be,” I ask at one point, “if I were any of the Big Bang theory characters?”

“Sheldon,” - Charlie Spring, Solitaire, Page 100

This quote is nothing really I just thought it was interesting that Charlie related Tori to Sheldon as he’s generally seen as another autistic coded character (No matter how problematic that may be, I haven’t actually seen the show I just know a lot of people with Autism think it’s poor representation)

- “I don’t want people to try and understand why I am the way I am, because I should be the first person to understand that and I don’t understand yet.” Solitaire, (I lost the page)

- “I’ve got to do something,” I keep saying,” Solitaire, Page 272

Ok so throughout Solitaire (and ‘This Winter’ and the ‘Heartstopper’ graphic novels) Tori displays a very high sense of empathy. Main examples of this are with her brother Charlie and in that scene where Ben Hope gets beat up at the Solitaire meet up. Stereotypically people with autism have a low sense of empathy but actually it’s a spectrum and many people with autism (more often girls) experience a heightened sense of empathy.

- “Before boys, before sex, before alcohol, before she started to move on while I stayed exactly where I was.” Solitaire, Page 353

In girls signs of Autism generally begin to manifest more during their tween/teenage years. Girls who appeared to be progressing at a similar rate to their peers may begin to fall behind due to the increased social and academic pressure. This quote could however be more related to Tori being asexual, which we will get into now.

Asexuality and Autism

As confirmed in volume 5 of Heartstopper, Tori Spring is asexual. People with Autism are 2-3 times more likely to identify as a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Especially, the aroace community. The studies I looked at said around 30% of people with Autism also identified as aro/ace, this is also more common in women with Autism than men.

Autistic Meltdowns

So in addition to those direct quotes a repeated occurrence throughout Solitaire is Tori’s emotions bubbling up and eventually bursting out… and what could these outburst actually be? Autistic Meltdown.

The main examples that come to mind for Tori are the fight with Michael, that scene where Charlie asks if she’s ok and she starts crying and the scene where she’s talking to Lucas about Charlie at the concert.

Safe Foods

Ok Tori’s obsession with diet lemonade is kind of iconic. People with Autism often tend to have ‘safe foods’ that don’t trigger sensory issues, usually these are specific things with consistent, safe, tastes. For Tori, this is diet lemonade. Another thing to point out about this is the fact that she always uses straws which is possibly either a sensory thing or a routine :)

Ok, that’s about it… I don’t believe anyone would actually read all that but if you did… damn, thanks :))

Some of the resources I used:

https://www.allohealth.care/healthfeed/sexuality/asexuality-and-autism

https://neurodivergentinsights.com/autism-infographics/autism-and-sexual-diversity?format=amp

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/08/the-bond-between-animals-and-the-autistic/623372/

https://socialcaretalk.org/experiences/life-autism-spectrum/autism-feeling-different-wanting-to-fit-in/

https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html

https://jackiesilvernutrition.com/articles/autism-safe-food/

[im-not-a-l0ser]

Her: Chapter Two

These chapters are much longer than the prologue, but this one is a few hundred short of the last chapter.

Feedback for this would also be amazing as well, especially since I feel pretty iffy about this chapter

CW- Deadnaming, insecurity, but other than that, it's a pretty wholesome chapter I think.

They told their mom as soon as they decided. 

They didn’t know if their father overheard or not, but the next thing they knew, he was telling them that he was staying at Jerry’s for a while. 

He said that they were welcome to visit. 

They didn’t think they would. 

By the time their mom reached Paul, the work week had started again, and Paul told her that he’d be busy until that weekend. 

They spent the rest of the week slowly tidying up for the visit. 

Paul was very boring looking. He was just an average guy. 

“You must be my…” Paul stopped talking, realising his mistake. “It’s nice to meet you, Kai,” He said instead, giving up on his original statement completely. “Your mother tells me you’re going into your freshman year?”

“Yeah,” They responded. “I’m actually excited, I’m gonna be in Geometry next year, since I took Algebra in my eighth grade year! I’m gonna be one of the only freshman amongst sophomores!”

They really were excited. The topic shook their nerves nearly immediately.

“Although, I think I’m gonna quit the swim team,” They said. 

“Oh,” Their mom remarked. “Sorry. I mean, it’s not surprising, this is just the first I’m hearing about it officially. Y’know what, I’m gonna go make dinner.” She rushed off, trying to avert the awkwardness. 

“Why do you think you’re gonna quit?” Paul asked. 

He seemed in between uncomfortable, anxious and just straight up socially awkward. But that was okay! Kai was feeling that way too!

“Well, I, uh…” They swallowed. “It’s a girl’s team.”

“Ah, yeah,” Paul said, seeming to understand immediately. “Your, uh, your mom told me that you’re feeling a little nebulous about your identity. And that’s super fine, we all go through that.”

“Really?” They asked with a small laugh, not believing it in the slightest.

“Sure! I mean, I went through it at least twice. And learning about the world helps us learn about ourselves,” He said. “When I was in high school, I came out as bisexual, but I’m actually somewhere on the ace-spectrum, which means I’m not really attracted to anyone in general. Some people, sure, but not a lot.”

“Oh,” Kai hummed. 

“Labels can change more than once, is what I’m saying,” Paul said, “So there’s no rush to get it right the first time.” 

“Okay,” Kai said quietly. “You seem to know a lot about this.”

“Yeah, this isn’t the first time I’ve had this conversation,” Paul admitted. “My buddy Bill has a daughter, and she had trouble with her identity too. And Bill said he was out of his element, but claimed since I knew what I was in high school, that I’d be great at it!”

“I mean, you seem pretty great at it.”

“I wasn’t before, she’s actually how I figured out I’m asexual, because we kept talking in circles, and uh…” Paul looked around. “She had her friend Ziggs over and we all got high, and that really helped.”

Kai barked a laugh. They were not expecting that. 

“Yeah, it was a weird experience. Being high with two highschoolers and a basically sober one? Very odd thing to go through as a man in his late twenties,” He said, his eyes wide and staring off, as if he were recalling a war story. 

“Isn’t that three high schoolers total?” Kai asked. “Who was the other one?”

“Oh, Alice’s friend Deb,” Paul said. He cocked his head momentarily in thought. “Well, friends at the time. They’re dating now, going on a year I think.”

“Oh,” Kai said again. “That’s nice.”

“I think so too,” Paul said. “Bill’s still getting used to it. I think it just stresses him out, since he wasn’t able to figure it out or help. He thinks that Alice and I bonded better in that one day than they have from her whole life.” Paul shook his head. “I don’t think so. He tries really hard for her. She thinks they might be getting a divorce, which I haven’t seen first hand, but I understand. And she told me she wanted to live with him. And I think that’s just about as good as you can get with being a parent.”

“I’d want to live with my mom,” Kai said. “No offense.”

“None taken, I don’t like my brother either,” Paul said, shaking his head. “Anyway, maybe I could get you in contact with Alice. It might help to be around people your age. Or, y’know, I think my other… co-worker has a little brother your age.”

“Really?” Kai asked. “What’s his name?”

“I don’t know his brother’s name, sorry. But my co-workers name is Ted Spankoffski, if that means anything to you.”

“The last name sounds familiar,” Kai said. “I might’ve had classes with him before.”

“Probably,” Paul said. “Your mom said you’re a smart kid. And that kid is a nerd.” Kai laughed. 

“No shame in that,” They said, motioning to their admittedly geeky Doctor Who shirt. 

“Never said there was,” Paul said, putting up his hands half-defensively. 

“Kai, could you come set the table!” Their mother called from the other room. 

Kai excused themselves and began setting the table. They set it the same as they always did, since their father wasn’t there. 

Kai heard the door open. Maybe Paul left something in his car. They were setting silverware next to the plates when they heard yelling. 

They froze and their breathing became shallow. Their eyes glassed over.

It hadn’t even been very long since they last heard their name— their real name. But it hurt.

Eventually the yelling became more muffled and Paul walked into the kitchen.

“There was a kid at the door,” He said, seeming stunned.

“Sorry,” Kai said, their voice creaking.

“Whoa, ho,” Paul said, rushing to their side. “It’s not your fault, it’s okay.”

It was their fault. It felt like their fault. Whoever it was was looking for them. 

“Okay?” Paul asked, realising that Kai hadn’t really processed what he said. Kai nodded, shaking slightly.

“Okay…”

“Okay.”

“Okay!” Their mom said, entering the room. “Dinner’s ready.”

_________________________

A few weeks later, their mom, Paul, and Paul’s friends/co-workers set up a get together at a local restaurant. 

There was a girl with dark red hair, along with one with ginger hair. There was a kid sitting on the other side of Kai, with dark hair that was pulled back into a ponytail, showing a slightly overgrown undercut. 

Next to the red haired girl was a black man who reminded Kai of his classmate Jason. Across from him, a white moustached man— definitely related to undercut.

“Alright, so, everyone, this is my… the child of my brother. Their name is Kai. Kai, this is Alice, Deb, Bill, Ted, and…”

“Peter,” The person sitting next to Kai said. 

“Peter,” Paul said with a polite smile. “They’re all like us.” He looked down at his utensils awkwardly. “Except Bill,” He said, “Bill is a cishet man, he just happens to have a lesbian daughter.”

“Oh, our friend Ziggs is coming too,” Alice said. “They’re wrapping up a… at work right now.” 

“Ziggs?” Kai asked. 

“Yep,” Deb said. 

“That’s… not a name.” 

Deb and Alice giggled to each other.

“Yeah, that’s not really a thing,” Peter said. “I know someone called Stopwatch.” He cocked his head slightly, indicating thought. “Well, technically his legal name is going to be Daniel, but that’s just for job applications and stuff. He doesn’t want to be discriminated against for being trans.”

“Names are just as made up as everything else,” Deb said. “Oh, speaking of made up gender stuff. Pronouns, c’mon.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” Paul said. “I use he/him, but they/them are cool too.”

“She/They,” Deb said. 

“I use she/her, but not super exclusively either,” Alice said. Her whole demeanour was kind of nervous. She was playing with the sleeves pulled over her hands.

“Uhh,” Bill said. “He/Him? I don’t really understand it…” Pete leaned over to talk to Richie quietly. 

“We keep trying to tell him that he’s greygender, but he doesn’t get the whole thing,” He said. 

“I use he/him,” Ted said, seeming a bit annoyed. 

“He/Him,” Peter said too.

And now all eyes were on Kai. They looked down. 

“Uh,” They hesitated. “I don’t know. I-I’m not a girl though…” 

“Ah,” Peter said. “Yeah, I feel that.”

“Don’t we all,” A new unknown voice said. When Kai looked back up, there was someone else sitting at the table, next to Deb. 

They had dark hair poking out of their beanie, an eyebrow slit, and wore a sleeveless turtleneck. 

“Hey, Ziggs, they/them. My friends call me Ziggy. Sorry I’m late.” 

“It’s okay,” Kai said meekly. 

Ziggs’ whole attitude make Kai nervous, but in a… good way? It kind of reminded them of—

“So you’re questioning your identity, huh?” Ziggs asked. “I do not miss that.” Deb backhanded their arm. 

“What they mean is, they understand. And it can be a long journey, but it’s worth it. Labels like the ones under LGBTQIA+ umbrella can really help you understand yourself.”

“And make you more comfortable with yourself,” Peter said. “I lived like a girl for nearly twelve years, and I feel much more happy now.”

“It shows too,” Ted said. “I mean, he’s still a total scrub, but at least he feels like going outside sometimes. Even if it’s just once a month.” He punctuated his statement with a noogie upon Pete’s head, who shoved his arm away. “He’s actually enrolling in a tap class, fuckin’ finally!”

“I’ve been wanting to,” Peter admitted, “And mom says it’ll help me… make friends.”

“I asked out Deb,” Alice said. “A-After I figured myself out.”

“We were just friends before that,” Deb commented.

“You were friends before?” Kai asked. 

“Yeah,” Deb said. “For like three years.”

“Weren’t… Weren’t you afraid it’d change your relationship?”

“Uh, no?” Deb said. “We wanted our relationship to change.”

“But what if you broke up, what then?” Kai asked, their voice laced with anxiety and speed. “And what if you learned something new about your identity, and that made them stop loving you, even platonically? What if you don’t actually… like each other like that…” They slowed down at the end there.

Alice was shaking, which Deb must’ve noticed. She took Alice’s hand. 

“It’s worth the risk,” They said. “And we were really good friends before. If that friendship couldn’t survive a change in relationship and a change back, then it wouldn’t have survived our lives in the long run. And y’know. It’s survived this long.”

“I’m guessing you’ve got a friend you like?” Ziggs asked.

“I, I don’t know for sure if I like him. I just don’t want him dating someone else,” Kai admitted. “A-And I don’t think he’d like me now that I’m… like this.”

“Have you talked to him about it.”

“I don’t want to,” Kai spat immeaditely. “I don’t want him to think of me differently.”

“Isn’t that the whole point though?” Peter asked. “Like, he’d see you as… not what you really are otherwise.” 

“So?” Kai asked. “He likes me like that. He likes that me.”

“If he likes that you, he’ll like this you,” Ziggs said. “Like, if he likes you for reals, then yeah, he’ll like you like this.” They chuckled. “I mean, I wasn’t always like this. But when I came out to my friends and family, they accepted me. My mom’s paying for me to get a septum piercing next month.”

“But if they don’t accept you,” Paul said, “That doesn’t mean they never loved you. It just means they’re too shallow to let their image of you change.” Kai smiled weakly, knowing he was probably just adding to that because of his own brothers.

“I just, it’s easier this way.” Kai said. “Maybe I’ll change my mind.” They sighed and slouched down into their chair. “I just want to start over.”

“Well,” Peter said. “Maybe you can. We’re in the same grade, yeah?” Kai shifted in their seat under the anxiety that Pete might know who they really are. They nodded. “That means we’re going to high school next year. Everything’s gonna be different. Now’s the time to change.”

“It’s not the worst idea,” Ziggs said with a small nod. “I did that on accident I think,” They said with a laugh. “There are definitely people at school who don’t realise who I used to be. You have plenty of time to figure out who you want to be. A few more months.”

“I’m not sure it’s the best idea either though,” Paul said. “But I’ll help with whatever you need. We could probably get your name changed too if you want.”

“Isn’t that expensive?”

“Aren’t your parents getting divorced?” Ted asked, getting everyone’s attention. “The judge can change your last name to your mom’s depending on the situation.”

“Why do you know that?” Bill asked. 

“I agree,” Peter said, “Our parents are not divorced.”

“Our parents never even got legally married,” Ted said. “Just had a party and exchanged rings.”

“That makes it even weirder that you know!” Peter exclaimed. 

“He’s right though,” Paul said. “And you’re definitely going to be put in your mother’s custody. I’ll testify against your dad.” 

“Thanks,” Kai said. “I don’t know yet though.”

“And I’ve already got your mother set up with my uncle. He’s an attorney. Luckily I got to him before my brother did. Not that I think he’d be on his side. He’s been in numerous relationships with men.”

“Here,” Ziggs said, pulling a small pen that seemed to have been tucked under their beanie, behind their ear. “I’ll write down our information. And if you need to talk to someone your age about help with your identity, or the divorce, or anything else…” They held the pen to their lips momentarily. “Just text whoever you need.” They continued writing. “Alice, are you okay with me putting you on here?” Alice nodded. 

They continued to write down phone numbers and usernames for themself and their friends.

“Peter, I don’t have your stuff, do you want to add them?” Peter held his hands out for the napkin and pen. 

He wrote slowly and carefully to help preserve the information on the napkin. 

“There,” He said, sliding it over.

The napkin had each name, followed by a colon and the contact information. Next to the highschoolers, there was a symbol to relay what platform was being used, for instagram, snapchat, phone number, and even a crudely drawn discord symbol. 

“Thank you.”

“Hey, man,” Deb said. “Us queers gotta stick together, y’know?”

“Yeah,” Alice spoke up. “Even if people here in Hatchetfield are more accepting than most are, there are still some terrible people. And some that just don’t understand.”

“And others who aren’t willing to,” Paul added, thinking back to his side of their family. 

“But you’re not alone, okay?” Peter said. 

Kai nodded.

[whoistartaglia]

hiiii!! i saw that you were taking requests for your 1500 followers event!! (congratulations btw you deserve it!) can i by chance request second chance romance with cyno? thank you!! if not, you can delete this c:

i would never delate this request! thank you so so so much for your kind words and request.

trope: second chance romance.

including: cyno.

as a student at the akademiya, you expect to run into your ex-boyfriend, cyno. that doesn’t mean it isn’t any less awkward when it happens.

usually you and cyno ignore each other, but not today, because he’s walking over to you, and there’s no escaping the general mahamatra.

you try anyways, promptly turning on your heel and walking in the opposite direction.

“wait, [name],” you hear cyno say. you don’t wait, of course. you’re marching away, happy to do so, until he asks, “please, [name]. wait for a second, please.”

you fold. like a piece of paper, you fold.

you pause for only a second, but it’s enough for cyno to catch up with you. he falls in line next to you, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, for him to be at your side. you suppose at one point it was.

“thanks. i wasn’t sure—“

“what do you want?” you ask, cutting him off.

“i just wanted to say hi,” he responds. “we haven’t talked in months.”

and who’s fault is that? you almost ask out loud. instead you just stop in the middle of the hall and turn to him.

“what do you really want, cyno.”

“i said—“

“i know what you said.” you wait for his response.

“[name]. i’m really sorry about how things ended between us—wait, wait,” cyno says, grabbing your wrist before you can march away again. “please just hear me out.”

you shake off his hand easily, and when you don’t move, cyno takes that as a sign to continue. he’s cautious as he continues: “i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have just left you without warning.”

“no, you shouldn’t have,” you confirm. you still remember how devastated and heartbroken you were when cyno broke up with you. it was only two months before he ended things.

“i’ve really missed you.”

you could walk away now. leave cyno as he left you. it’s tempting, but instead you stay. like a fool, you stay.

cyno continues, “i regret ever leaving you in the first place. please, [name]. let me make it up to you.”

“how?” you demand. “do you even know how much—how much i cried after… after you left me?” even now, the memory still hurts.

“yes. i know, and i hate it. i was afraid and ran away, and i’m not going to do that again… if you want to also get back together.”

“what if i say no?” you question.

“then i’ll never bring it up again. i’ll leave you alone forever, if that’s what you want.”

“…and if i say yes?”

“if you say yes, i’ll do everything in my power to make you never regret it,” cyno responds immediately. he looks at you, so hopeful. your heart clenches uncomfortably.

you want to say no. you believe cyno is genuine in wanting to get back together, but wouldn’t this be too easy for him? it’s only been a couple months since the breakup, you should say no.

but even after the initial shock of it, you couldn’t hate cyno. you wanted to, tried to, but you never could direct the devastation at the breakup to anger towards cyno.

“okay, then. yes,” you say finally, starting to walk again. cyno again falls easily in line next to you. you continue, “but don’t make me regret this, cyno. if you feel afraid again, talk to me about it. that’s the only way we can make this thing work.”

“i won’t, and i’m not afraid. not anymore. i promise. i swear,” cyno replys. you’re inclined to believe him and his words. you don’t trust him wholeheartedly yet—that has to be built up again—but you do believe that, with enough work, you two can make it work again. and this time, for longer than two months. maybe forever.

[theluckywizard]

Get to Know the Fic Writer

Thank you for the tag @leggywillow 🥰 Gosh I think I did this last year? Things have changed a bit!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

43

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 463,350

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In the Shattering of Things (Cullen x f!Trevelyan, Hawke x f!Trevelyan) 141

The Boy Who Talked Too Much (Alistair x f!Cousland) 67

Some Kind of Witchcraft (Cullen x f!Trevelyan) 59

Unvarnished (Blackwall x f!Trevelyan) 57

The Protestations of the Commander's Bed (Cullen x f!Trevelyan) 46

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always! Oh man alwayyyys. I am so grateful for anyone who takes that extra moment to share something they liked or a thought that popped into their head. Truly. It's a special kind of reader that leaves comments. They really are the fuel that keep me going! Especially on my long fic I feel like I'm getting to know some of my readers and I love the discussions I've gotten into about my blorbo and her interactions with canon characters. OR just canon characters!

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Probably Fractures. I wrote it especially for Whumptober and in it Cullen's obsession with Samson led to a throwdown in Emprise that nearly left him dead and Rose is understandably at her wits end with him. They have 'make up sex' that does nothing to resolve any of the feelings of betrayal and abandonment and anger that Rose feels.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Probably The Commander, the Tevinter, and a Bottle of Lightning a Cullen & Dorian, Cullen POV fic where Cullen's romance with Rose Trevelyan seems to finally be coming to a head at long last.

7. Do you write crossovers?

Not yet! Probably won't though.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

The closest is maybe vocal dislike of an original character. He's a competing love interest though, so I get it. People have their preferences and want to nudge me a certain way.

9. Do you write smut?

LOLLLL yes. 4 of my top 5 above are explicitly smuts and my long fic has 4 at this point. My friend @nirikeehan says "be the smut you wish to see in the world" so I try to write joyful, consensual, authentic feeling smuts that also capture the awkwardness/silliness/normality of sex. My hope is that someone reading it who isn't quite experienced with this stuff gets to see a really positive, realistic portrayal.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet!

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I can't show my whole ass in the midst of a multiship long fic, so I will keep quiet on this one 🤐

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A Splinter of Light (my Rose and Dorian get stranded in the future during In Hushed Whispers Nightmare!AU fic)

15. What are your writing strengths?

Believable dialogue and banter, authentically drawn characters readers can root for, lively descriptions

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

PLOT. It's just always been a struggle for me. World building too. LISTEN. There's a reason I'm writing fan fic LOL. Though I recently got Scapple (from the Scrivener makers) and it has been a game changer! I'm using it for my long fic and my other major WIP Kiss Me Moonstruck right now.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I've done it for a few select lines during Wicked Eyes Wicked Hearts, mostly to underscore how bad Hawke is at speaking Orlesian. But generally I will just note when a character is speaking in a new language.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Dragon Age! I stumbled into it a smidge over a year ago (after playing for 9ish years) and love it so much!

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Cullen/Bethany Hawke

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh man, barring my long fic which is my baby and still in progress it would probably have to be my new Cullen POV fic Thirst that digs into the lead up to his crisis during the Perseverance quest. But Kiss Me Moonstruck is my Hawke x f!Trevelyan MatchmakingMoms!AU WIP set during DA2, Act 2 and mannnn nothing makes me smile and laugh like this fic. I can't wait to publish it!

Tagging @delicatefade, @bluewren, @samseabxrn, @rowanisawriter, @greypetrel, @nirikeehan, @spicywarl0ck, @monocytogenes

[newpathwrites]

Arms Wide Open - Chapter 4

The coldness in that familiar voice stopped you in your tracks as you rounded the corner of the cabin.

Dread and even a bit of mild rage seized your heart.  

Was it all an act?  How could you have misread the situation so badly?  The force had never led you so far astray…

Main Masterlist Series Masterlist

Summary: Your budding relationship is cut off at the pass.  Can you recover from this misunderstanding?

Notes: We’re about halfway through, and there will be some mild, very temporary angst and misunderstanding in line with the movie storyline that inspired this fic.  But guess what will come once they’ve moved past it?  The good stuff… 😁  Stay tuned.

RIP Carl Weathers.

Warnings: Angst, misunderstandings, mild implied threats.

Word count: 1.6k

Read on AO3

________________________________________

Din awoke with momentary confusion.  Why was he sprawled on the couch instead of comfortably laying in his bed?  This did not bode well for his sore back.

Oh, yes…

He couldn’t help a boyish smile as he recalled last evening’s events.  Spending half the night talking… falling asleep with your head on his shoulder… your touch… your patient understanding…

You.  

He almost didn’t dare to dream that this could be something.  He hadn’t felt like this since he was a boy with his first crush.  

But could he really have this?

Besides the nature of his work, of which you were aware, there was also the issue of the creed.  You had been curious about it, asking a lot of pointed questions, but appeared otherwise unbothered and not the slightest bit judgemental.  Ultimately, though, would you really be interested in a relationship with a man who could never show you his face?

You’d left at some point, but he tried not to read into it.  It was late morning already, and you likely had places to be.  It wasn’t like he didn’t know how to find you.  In fact, your own cabin was only a short walk away.  

Maybe he could pay you a visit later and thank you for dinner and a pleasant evening - perhaps ask when he might see you again…

His musings were cut short by a rap at the door.  Probably Karga making his morning rounds.

But to his disappointment and great annoyance, it was instead a former guild colleague - one with a decades-long chip on his shoulder, who blamed the Mandalorian for his own shortcomings.  The humanoid was generally harmless, in line with his less-than-stellar bounty hunting skills, but Din had always kept a wary distance - the man seemed to be a loose canon at times.

“Mando.”

Din didn’t even bother greeting him by name.  He just wanted him off this property before Grogu woke up.  “Why are you here?”

“Nice to see you, too,” the man responded sarcastically.  “I saw a woman doing the walk of shame from your cabin this morning and thought I’d come by to offer some wisdom.”

Din didn’t respond.  The impassive visor would do the talking for him.

The awkward silence enticed the man to keep speaking.

“Anyway, you know as well as I that men like us don’t get to keep nice things.  A lady like that is a weak spot, even for you.”  He shrugged, adding, “You wouldn’t want anything to happen to her…”

Within a fraction of a second, the visor was not an inch from the man’s face.

“Do you have a habit of harming innocent women?  Because that would be a problem for me,” Din stated coldly.

“No, no, Mando, I…” the man shook his head wildly, panicking thanks to his own stupidity.  He was still smart enough to know what the Mandalorian could do to him.

“She is innocent.  She is nobody.  You leave her alone, or you answer to me.  Understand?”

He nodded, too scared now to speak.

“Good.  Leave.”

Di’kut.

Din pushed the incident out of his mind as he woke Grogu and prepared for the day, thoughts again and again turning to you.  Gosh, you were really doing a number on him - and he was enjoying every second.

________________________________________

You were practically walking on air.  What a lovely feeling.  Whoever said romance was reserved for the young?  You might have thought so, too, had you not met Din yesterday.

He was so real and respectful and interesting.  He didn’t appear capable of leading you on, honest nearly to a fault, and it was him who slowed things down - wanting nothing more from you in this first rendezvous than a quiet evening of conversation.

And it was so refreshing.  Men pulling you in with pretty words and then leaving you high and dry once your clothes came off was the reason you’d given up some years ago on meeting people, getting by instead on romance novels and your own devices, resigned to a fate of perpetual solitude.

You did have one reservation, though.  And it wasn’t about his face - you honestly didn’t care about that.  But would his cultural and religious restrictions really allow him a relationship with an outsider?  That was something you’d need to seriously discuss if this went further.  

Maybe you were getting ahead of yourself here.

For now, it was best to focus on what you could control - a quick morning visit with a fresh pot of steaming caf and the promised reading material in tow and to perhaps set a date for another meeting.

“She is nobody…”

The coldness in that familiar voice stopped you in your tracks as you rounded the corner of the cabin.

Dread and even a bit of mild rage seized your heart.  

Was it all an act?  How could you have misread the situation so badly?  The force had never led you so far astray…

Maybe he was just like everyone else - playing the long game just to get you in his bed.

Without further thought, you turned on your heel and walked quickly back the way you came.  

Perhaps there was an explanation?  No - that was only wishful thinking.  You’d spare yourself the humiliation.

________________________________________

It was a hard pill to swallow, but it had become clear to Din after nearly a week of you turning the other direction each time you came into his line of sight.

You didn’t want to see him.

Was it the creed?  His work?  Did someone enlighten you about any of the many terrible things he had done in his past?

There was no way he had misread things between you quite so badly.  He wasn’t that oblivious.  And the mutual attraction had definitely been acknowledged, albeit not in so many words.

But he supposed he had no choice but to accept it.  It would be both disrespectful and rather creepy to continue any pursuit when you’d made your disdain so clear.

Fate would have other plans.

“You called for me, Greef?”  Din addressed his old friend as he stepped through the already open office door.

Greef was at that moment in a meeting with another party, but the man stood and welcomed Din in his typical booming manner, arms raised in the air ostentatiously.  “Mando!  You are just the man we need.  Do you think you could set up security for some greenhouses?  Here now, have you met our lovely plant doctor?”

He gestured to the human sitting across from him who swiveled their chair around.

________________________________________

“Flora…” Din addressed you in surprise.

“Mr. Djarin…” you returned cooly.  Kriff, you weren’t even using his name now.

Greef looked between you both quizzically.  “Do you two know each other?”

But his question was ignored.

“You left,” Din stated.  “And you’ve been avoiding me.”

You steeled yourself against the hurt manner in which he spoke - it was only part of the act.

“Why do you care?  I’m nobody.  And you’re a bounty hunter - you could have found me if you really wanted to…”

Din was silent for a moment.  Your entire demeanor was so angry - what had he done to foster such resentment?

“Well, I don’t use my skills to stalk women…”

Okay, he got you there.  But still, you owed this man nothing.  He was the one who deceived you.

Din turned toward Greef who was utterly confused at this point.  “I’ll take care of the greenhouses, if that’s what she still wants.  Send me the details later.”

Damn, this was awkward.

“Thanks,” you offered half-heartedly.  “I guess.”

He turned back toward you.  “Look, Flora… I won’t bother you again, but I don’t understand why you’re so angry with me.  Could we just talk?”

Well, kriffing damn it…  The hurt and confusion in his voice was breaking down your walls.  You didn’t want to trust him, but it sounded so genuine.

You sighed, resigned.  He would have this one chance to explain himself.  You were way too soft.  “Fine.  Meet me at the cafe in an hour.”

Din nodded gratefully and took his leave as you turned back around to face Karga.

“You’ve been holding out on me, doc,” he said, eyes twinkling with amusement.  “You got a little thing going with our resident Mandalorian?  It’s fitting, actually.  As soon as I met you I thought you two might get along.”

What did Greef think of you, then?

“I have no interest in cavorting with that womanizing liar,” you returned, voice stony.

But your simmering anger was cut off by Karga’s booming laugh.  “Womanizer??!!” he chuckled in delight.  “A word I never thought I’d hear associated with Din Djarin.  Oh, that’s hilarious!”

“I don’t understand…”

Karga calmed himself and grinned at you.  

“Flora… that man may have the emotional intelligence of a rock, but he is anything but a rake.  I reckon he’s got the worst case of blue balls in the entire parsec.”

He shook his head, smiling fondly as he continued.  “In the old days, when the other hunters would buy an hour with one of the workers, he’d head out directly on his next job.  And now that he’s settled, I’ve not seen him so much as socialize with another human being.  He’s refused my every offer to go to the twi’lek baths.  Even his few female colleagues are not ones to be interested in men if you know what I mean…”

Even as Greef poked fun at Din, he did so with great affection.  Apparently, he knew him well - and for a very long time.

“Oh,” you responded, a bit dumbstruck.  “Perhaps I’ve misjudged…”

“He’s a good man, Flora.  He’s protective to a fault, brutally honest… but he’s respectful and honorable.  I think you should give him another chance.”

In the short time you’d known Greef Karga, you’d come to greatly respect his opinion.  And so you gave in.  You hoped your impression would be proved wrong - because you’d really, really liked Din Djarin.

“Okay, okay.  I will.”

________________________________________

Next chapter

[jupipedia]

one. awkwardness.

previous. next.

y/n knew that the first meeting between him and shoto would be a little awkward due to neither of them being familiar with the other, but he found that he greatly underestimated how awkward it would truly be as he sat across from shoto, pretending to be typing on his laptop. shoto had arrived before y/n did and was quick to formally greet him before going back to his laptop. y/n didn’t want to assume that shoto was avoiding conversation similarly to he was so he didn’t interrupt shoto’s typing in case he truly was setting up for their meeting.

“sorry if this is awkward for you. i know we don’t know each other beyond our names, but i hope that we can use this project to become friends. i assume that is the professor’s end goal, at least,” shoto broke the silence, prompting y/n to halt in his feigned typing and look up at the man.

“no! i mean— not no to the friends part but to the awkward part. no as in it’s fine and i’m definitely making this more awkward than it truly is,” y/n sputtered, embarrassed at the crack in his voice as he almost choked on his words.

“i got what you meant. no worries,” shoto gave a toothless smile before glancing back at his screen. “it says that we are expected to meet up at least three times a week including one day of the weekend. for every first meeting, we choose an emotion and that is the emotion we have to incorporate into some form of writing for the week. along with our writing, he wants a visual representation. hmm, sounds easy enough to me,” shoto explained, muttering the last part to himself.

“well, i’m not sure how much help i’ll be with the written proportion, but i am a design major, so i don’t mind doing the brunt of the visual representation. i was reading over the rubric earlier and i have a few ideas already,” y/n said, opening the draft with his ideas in writing.

“i’m so glad that you said that because i am a political literature major and i cannot draw or anything to save my life. i can however do the majority of the written portion, as long as we can come up with a general outline for what it should contain,” y/n nodded along to shoto’s words before turning his laptop to the bi-coloured boy.

“i actually have an idea that i really wanted to do for the project and wanted to run it by you. i was thinking that we could do a calendar layout, but with week numbers rather than months. i think it’ll earn us the bonus points for creativity and it would be way more enjoyable than doing the standard slide show with a company generated theme.”

“i like that. yeah, we should do that,” shoto easily agreed, having been impressed with y/n’s demo of the calendar inspired layout. “it’s really well done for it to be just a demo. it’ll look great as we continue to add to it every week.”

“yeah, thanks,” y/n responded, cringing to himself at his short response before talking again. “what days are you free during the week and which day do you want to meet during the weekend?”

“i’m free after 3 p.m. on mondays, wednesdays, and fridays and on tuesdays and thursdays, i have a free block from 12 p.m. to about 6 p.m. since i do track. i was also hoping that we could make our weekend meet up on a saturday? i usually spend sunday with my friends from highschool.”

“saturday would be best for me, too, but it would have to be a brunch thing as i usually take studio trips in the evenings. but i can do mondays and wednesdays after 4 p.m. so we could meet up before, during, or after dinner if you want.”

“sounds like a plan. i’ll add that to the document,” shoto nodded, going back to his computer without another word.

and the awkward silence was back.

y/n groaned silently as they held their head in their hand behind the computer screen.

it was difficult for y/n to sit in the silence without wanting to bring up anything that the two could possibly talk about, but he didn’t want to annoy shoto with his constant spiels and rambling. y/n could talk for hours if he was asked to, but his throat dries all the way up when he has to talk to shoto.

he asked kamya what she knew about his partner from the assignment and all she knew was that he was friends with her partner, having seen the two on campus together before. she didn’t know any club affiliations nor did she know his past relationships or better yet, his current status. it came as a shock to him as kamya usually knew everyone's business before they had the chance to tell her themselves.

“so, since our first week is probably going to be the most awkward, i was thinking we should make that this week's emotion. i mean, it’s fitting, no?” todoroki’s voice brought y/n out of his thoughts and back to the cafe table.

“yeah, i think that would be the best course of action. it’ll probably help break the tension. awk-awkward tension, that is,” y/n said, stumbling over his word after realizing the accidental implication that he potentially made.

“okay, i’ll email you with drafts for the week and you can do the same if you like, but i doubt that i’ll be able to give any artistic assistance,” shoto joked, earning a slight giggle from the dark skinned male across from him.

“no worries, i’ll still send you updates in case picasso’s ghost whispers anything in your ear,” y/n joked back, packing up his things with the intention of leaving soon.

“i’ll see you monday at 5 for dinner and planning,” shoto said, watching as the boy stood from his seat.

“monday at 5. i’ll be there. wherever there is. see you.”

y/n walked away from the table after receiving a wave from shoto. y/n didn’t make it more than 10 steps away from the cafe before he loudly exhaled and held his hand to his chest.

fuck, he’s even prettier when he smiles.

the first meeting didn’t change anything between the two outside of meeting times. y/n even began to make the extra effort to not see shoto before they met for the second time as he allowed himself to reflect and cringe at his departing joke, deeming himself too nervous to calmly interact with him on a daily basis.

the second meeting definitely went better than the first as there was a lot more material to cover with their ideas. y/n’s forced his eyes to stay on his ipad rather than letting them trail over to the boy across from him. he spent most of the meeting working on a general template that could be edited to fit each week of their project, only looking up from it to show shoto his work or to listening to whatever comment todoroki made on his own work.

“you did a really nice job with the written portion. there are no typos or wordy sentences and i’ve never been so glad to have someone as a partner. i usually feel bad about being so unhelpful with the written parts but i know that i would not have been any help to you,” y/n said as he read the text that todoroki provided for their project during their final weekly meeting.

y/n wasn’t just exaggerating for the sake of fawning over his crush, he truly admired the word choice of the written portion. he wasn’t expecting something so polished and eloquent to be produced for a mere draft that would be updated later.

“it’s still not perfect, but i’m glad you are impressed with my contribution. and it’s only fair that we have a well-written entry to match your artwork. i mean, the draft was good, but this is coming along beautifully,” shoto zoomed in on parts of the design y/n made.

“i’m planning to make it interactive so i’ll at least contribute something other than a few drawings. i hope that’s okay with you,” y/n turned his attention back to his ipad as his face grew warm from the praise.

“perfect. i am all for it.”

the two parted ways after finishing their final draft, todoroki excusing himself to meet up with his friends and y/n planning to go to kamya’s dorm to rant about whatever was on his mind.

so, shoto todoroki.

“...mya, i’m telling you, he’s so fucking attractive without even trying. and he’s naturally charming. he gives the nicest feedback which feeds my ego in the best ways. i’m losing my mind,” y/n ranted, pushing his head into the throw pillow on kamya’s bed.

“you are one of the most delusional people i know. he’s being nice because you are good at art. not because he’s falling for you, stupid. get a grip,” kamya said, not sparing the boy a glance as she continued to type on her laptop.

y/n stared at kamya for a few seconds before speaking. “i hope you fail your econ exam.”

“because i won’t feed into your delusions?!” kamya laughed at her friend as he started to hit her with the pillow in his hands. “my bad, you right. he’s madly in love with you and wants you so bad.”

“now was that so hard to say?”

© jupipedia—do not repost, plagiarized, or falsely claim my work. likes, comments, and reblogs are welcome!

[mostlymaudlin]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

thank you @decaflondonfog for the tag !! ill tag @sillyunicorn @starwarned @urban-sith @tea-brigade

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

98!! (woah) plus an unrevealed t&n fest fic, so 99. wow i need to do something rly crazy for 100 lol. what if i do a ridiculous crossover of all my fandoms and everyone in the fandom tags will hate me. 

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

544,914. (again. woagh)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mostly all for the game and simon snow series, have dabbled in & posted even less for check please, captain america, and one direction! i feel like i’m missing something but regardless my fixations are hardcore, so all except like 4k of that posted wc is for either aftg or ss hahahha

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all are andreil! boyfriend privileges (4k, T) / Trigger (62k, E) / flashes of intimacy (10k, t) / Would you still love me if I was a worm? (6k, T) / Inside Thoughts (1k,T)

man this is long, rest is going under the cut lol

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

not very often, but i wish i did. i am stricken with a combination of being really awkward when people are nice to me & being bad at interacting with anyone in ways i fear could be perceived as ingenuine. im not sure if that makes sense LMAO. and sometimes when i put a story out, i kind of feel like i’ve said my piece — i’ve put so much into it that i don’t really know what else to say!

anyway, i always reply to questions, because that’s got clear social boundaries hahaha, and i DO love talking abt my stories!! and sometimes i’ll reply to comments that really get me thinking. but yeah, i know i reply less than i could, and i want to like double down on the fact that i am endlessly grateful for everyone who has ever left a comment on my work <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i have killed simon snow twice lmfao. i’d actually classify icarus as rather hopeful — it’s about grief & healing. but legacies is just fucked up lmfao

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh man, i write a lot of happy endings haha. i feel like even when my story is tonally darker (rare), it still has a happy or at least hopeful ending. this is probably not the correct answer, but i think sing of the moon has a really vividly happy ending. like — the sun rises for the first time in the whole fic! amazing. or maybe my high school au, We Can Live Forever, which is just the happiest thing i’ve ever written. 

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really, thankfully! people are smartasses sometimes but overall ive been lucky. there have been a couple of fics where ive winced before hitting post, but it usually ends up fine

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yessss. i guess i mostly write tender smut, bc i write tender things in general. i think my smut tends to be rather exploratory/playful as well? intentionally sloppy and awkward choreography hahaha

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

sort of LOL. once upon a time i was betaing @tea-brigade's medieval snowbaz au, Reliquary of an Arsonist, and there’s this part where three highway bandits mug simon and baz and then get blasted by simon’s chosen one magic. i am sick in the head so im in the google doc like “lol what if its kandreil.” and then i was like… what if it was kandreil….. and so i wrote Reliquary of a Bandit

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! and i’m really thankful for everyone who has done so <3333 shoutout to russian aftg translators, yall go HARD

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i recently collaborated with @thewholelemon on our episode of Star Trek: Redemption, Heart-Shaped Box. by which i mean: i wrote the outline & a few scenes, got really overwhelmed, and jenny turned it into something worth reading! 

i also wrote Good Boy in the snowbaz stoner verse with @starwarned, which was rly fun — we sat in the google doc for like, 5 hours trading back and forth on POVs as we wrote pure porn together LOL. it’s funny to think about this, because lauren knows like everything abt me now but we did not know each other as well back then!!! and we were just like “yeah lets write porn together” hahahahha 

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

right now it is deeefinitely andreil… they are everything to me for reasons i just cannot possibly be brief about LOL so ill just leave it at that

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have a postcanon snowbaz time travel/time loop wip that i was going to try to write for COBB this year but i fucked up the deadlines then the brainrot was like “guess that means more andreil !”. i did SO MUCH research for it and i think it’s rather clever and smutty and fun bc they are yeeted back to watford era! but it’s also dealing with snowbaz, who are in their late 20s and are like in a relationship low point/actively fighting when they end up in the loop… so they are dealing with that tension at the same time as they are trying to get out of the loop. and also fucking around watford to fulfill fantasies HAHAHA

16. What are your writing strengths?

characterization is the thing i care most about! and i think that’s the draw of fanfic in particular to me — i love getting such a grasp on a character that i can translate them into endless situations while still making them feel true to self. i rarely let myself publish anything until i can read through the whole thing without any he would not fucking say that moments hahahha. this is of course pertaining to my own interpretations of the characters, which is the only thing i care abt lmfao

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i rely a lot on body language because im always writing abt reticent fuckers who cant use their words. but i think i sometimes overcompensate, or describe actions that don't actually fit the scene. i've seen this described as "cheek-biting" -- like, throwing in action during a conversation just to delay the pacing/further the tone, but when you really look at it, it's not necessary. (cheek-biting being like, "character bites at their cheek" in the middle of a tense conversation)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don’t really know any other languages! i think i’ve put a little bit of french in neil/kevin/baz POVs before, but my french knowledge is elementary at best. love the idea of it though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

one direction babyyyyyyyy !! i wrote quite a bit of it in like 2012-2015 but published very little. there’s 1 on my ao3, some lost somewhere on fanfiction.net (i dont rmr my username lol), and tons in my folders from my old laptop lol.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmmmm. im gonna cheat bc i cant pick a single favorite. i always say i think No Turning Back is some of my best writing from a craft standpoint, and it also includes my favorite type of conflict (andrew self-destructing lol). however, i reread both that fic & We Can Live Forever on a plane trip recently after not having touched either for 6+ months — and the solidness of We Can Live Forever actually surprised me, especially because i wrote the majority of that fic while i was stoned and also view it as just exceedingly silly. the world of it is just very rich, and also very very different from the typical character backstories, and i’m very proud of how much that reread played with my heartstrings.  

ok last one — there are several installments of my flashes of intimacy series that i come back to a lot, because i’m proud of what they each accomplish in 500 words. especially because i often turn to those when im trying to express my own emotions lol. specifically, my favorites are picking fights, i don’t mind, swimming lessons, and practicing gratitude.

that was such a bullshit and cocky way to answer this lmfaooooo. but tbh i am my own biggest fan and that is by design — i write stuff so that i can reread it months later and have it be perfectly catered to my tastes. i love all my fics <3