#it’s just midnight here and I’m icing 3 out of 5 fingers hoping they’re not broken

[rvllybllply2014]

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[mostlymovieswithmax]

Movies I watched in June

Now I think I’m comfortably in a rhythm to get these posts out. For one, I’m writing up short reviews either straight after watching a movie or sometimes it might take a few days. But June was a fairly good month in terms of the amount of films I watched. I got to go to the cinema quite a bit which is always fun. Anyway, let’s get on with it! If you’re looking for something good to watch (or maybe even something bad), I hope this list can help in some way to introduce you to new and different movies that maybe you’ve never heard of, or were thinking of checking out. Here is every film I watched from the 1st to the 30th of June 2021.

Bo Burnham: Inside (2021) - 10/10 Everyone was going off about how great this film is. An hour and a half of Bo Burnham in lockdown, singing songs and being upset is definitely a powerful hook and I have to agree with the general consensus because Inside blew me away. More thoughts on this in my podcast: The Sunday Movie Marathon episode 34.

Bo Burnham: Make Happy (2016) - 7/10 After watching Inside, I figured I’d rewatch some of Burnham’s older stand-up shows on Netflix. Make Happy is a lot of fun, injected with a lot of introspection from Burnham that really makes the special stand out, despite a lot of gags that just didn’t land for me.

Bo Burnham: What. (2013) - 6/10 It’s plain to see just how much Bo Burnham has grown over the years and how he has honed his comedy and music. ‘What.’ is a good stepping stone in the comedian’s career, showcasing loads of promise in him from a young age. There are some jokes that haven’t aged as well and some that straight up dragged, but overall the show is still enjoyable.

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021) - 3/10 Packed theatre for this one, obviously. People love a Conjuring movie, and I’d also say people love a good scare… but this movie isn’t scary, or good for that matter. More thoughts on episode 35 of the podcast.

The Conjuring (2013) - 6/10 After the horrendously disappointing debacle that was the third Conjuring movie, I decided to watch James Wan’s original movie and man, if this wasn’t better in literally every way. I don’t tend to love James Wan movies but I can’t deny he’s got so much talent in how he makes movies and it makes The Conjuring a lot more fun to see competent filmmaking in the horror genre in a way that actually creates an eerie atmosphere with creative uses of camera-work and editing.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) - 8/10 Normally I’m not big into the old slasher movies. I appreciate that for the time, perhaps they hit differently, but now I just don’t tend to connect with them. Wes Craven’s ‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’ is a bit of an exception. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not particularly scary, though it does employ a lot of interesting techniques and designs. Undeniably, the design for Fred Krueger is a staple in cinema, with the striped jumper, hat, scarred face and knives for fingers not leaving the mind of the general public any time soon. Elm Street doesn’t have too many kills but when it does, it is so effective and fun to watch. Craven was one of the greats, truly.

One Cut of the Dead (2017) - 8/10 This has to be one of the most engaging zombie movies I’ve seen in a long time. There’s a lot to spoil with One Cut of The Dead but I won’t go into that here. It is clever and funny, subverting expectations in ways I really didn’t expect. I really cannot recommend it enough.

Dave Chappelle: Sticks & Stones (2019) - 8/10 Since we’re watching Chappelle's Show for episode 45 of the podcast, I wanted to get an idea for what I was in for, so I watched Dave Chappelle’s stand-up show from a couple of years ago. Yeah, really funny, which I suppose is what you want from a stand-up special, but what makes it better is Chappelle’s commentary on the world at large and how he’s able to combine humour with intelligent criticism.

Fear(s) of the Dark (2008) - 4/10 A few years ago I think I watched this animated black and white anthology film on a New Year's Day when I had foolishly decided to pull an all-nighter and then go out with mates for ice cream. Never again. But I’d forgotten what I thought of this movie and decided to get the DVD for cheap on eBay. Perhaps I am doomed to watch Fear(s) of the Dark only when I am tired because I popped this on when it was nearing midnight. I was lucid enough to understand what I was watching though… and it was quite boring. These short films emulate the filmmakers’ nightmares - an interesting premise in theory, but pretty weak on execution.

The Bourne Identity (2002) - 3/10 We marathoned the first three Bourne movies for The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast, episode 36 so check that out for my expanded thoughts on this, the best Bourne of the three.

The Bourne Supremacy (2004) - 2/10 Immediately after, we did the deep dive into Supremacy, the second Bourne and the worst of the three (albeit by a very slim margin). Check out episode 36 for more.

The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) - 2/10 I really couldn’t care less about these terrible movies. It was a horrible chore to sit through them. Ultimatum was also rubbish. More gripes and discussion in episode 36 of the podcast.

The Father (2021) - 10/10 Another trip to the cinema for this masterpiece. I tried very hard not to sob loudly in the theatre where aside from myself, the audience totalled three people. More discussion of The Father in episode 36 the podcast.

Drag Me To Hell (2009) - 2/10 I’m pretty shocked that Sam Raimi directed this. Usually when I watch one of his films, I can see his staple of fun gore, practical effects, crazy camera movements… but there was none of that here. It just felt like a really bad horror, indistinguishable from the regular affair, with no personality or passion. Drag Me To Hell might even have been one of those movies I’d avoided in the past when I was younger because it seemed too scary but no, it was just boring and bad and I feel like there’s something I’m not getting out of this that other people seem to be.

Moonrise Kingdom (2012) - 8/10 At this point, I feel I have to admit Wes Anderson as perhaps my second favourite director. His movies are just so nice and beautiful to watch. Moonrise Kingdom is a quirky love story between two kids and honestly, with any other director, could have been handled poorly because the story is quite simple. But Anderson injects so much of his signature style and personality into the film. A powerhouse of actors with the likes of Frances McDormand, Bill Murray, Bruce Willis and Tilda Swinton, among a few of Anderson’s regulars, make Moonrise Kingdom a breeze. Good for a dark day to lift the spirits.

Nobody (2021) - 8/10 I needed something to fill an otherwise uneventful day, so I hopped on a bus and booked a ticket for Ilya Naishuller’s new action movie, Nobody. The film started and to my annoyance, the lights in the theatre were still on. When I go to the cinema I don’t really want to see the other people sitting around me, so I got up from my seat, abandoning the first two minutes of the film to find a member of staff to turn the lights off. After showing them that the lights were in fact still on, I took to my seat and watched the movie for what felt like a little while before the lights went off. Nobody is a really fun action movie. Perhaps similar in a lot of ways to John Wick, but with more personality to the main character. More thoughts on episode 37 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast.

The Darjeeling Limited (2007) - 8/10 After procuring the Criterion blu-ray from my local hmv, I delved into all the supplements it had to offer, including a making-of documentary, chats with the director, and a gallery of polaroid pictures from when they were shooting the film in India. The Darjeeling Limited is perhaps not peak Wes Anderson, but I do kind of love it. It makes me want to go on a journey to another country with my brother and sister, perhaps in ten to fifteen years. Here, the main characters are three brothers who travel to India seeking some kind of spiritual experience. Things don’t seem to work out that way, however, because I’m not sure how spiritual an experience you can have when you plan out an itinerary to schedule it. Fantastic performances all round and of course, beautiful direction and cinematography.

Face/Off (1997) - 3/10 Was I supposed to laugh? Maybe I was just too tired but I really couldn’t stand Face/Off. It didn’t feel particularly special and despite a couple of fun ideas, it was mostly quite boring.

Luca (2021) - 5/10 The new Pixar movie leaves a lot to be desired. The animation is really second to none and I can’t fault how beautiful the movie looks, more so when it’s set in this little Italian town than under the sea. The story is so uninspired though, with the basic premise being that the protagonists want a Vespa so they enter a competition to win the money to buy one. Also they’re fish that turn into people on dry land. Maybe that’s enough for some people, but I couldn’t shake the familiarity of Luca. It never went in any interesting directions and basically did exactly what I figured it would do. I don’t believe it’s out here to subvert expectations but I would like some creativity when it comes to the writing. Perhaps if I watched it again, I might like it less. It was pretty dull.

Punch-Drunk Love (2002) - 10/10 I’m a little disappointed with the Criterion blu-ray for Punch-Drunk love. It’s supplements host a couple of low-quality deleted scenes that were clearly deleted for a reason, and some weird artsy music videos that incorporated footage from the movie. I was quite shocked at how low-effort it all seemed. The movie itself is fantastic though and I do believe it to be Adam Sandler’s best performance (and I really liked Uncut Gems). He portrays a man who is constantly put down by his family, clearly has some kind of social disability, and on top of it all he’s getting scammed by a sex line. Amongst all this, he’s trying to navigate a new relationship and it’s so sweet to watch all the interactions between Sandler and Emily Watson. It’s a perfect melding of romance, comedy and anxiety, beautifully directed by Paul Thomas Anderson.

Fargo (1996) - 9/10 Another movie you wouldn’t expect to be so funny, especially since it’s based on this horrific true story about murder, deceit and money. But the Coen brothers know how to handle it. Excellent performances, beautiful colour palette, and a story that just gets more and more insane as it goes.

House (1977) - 7/10 House (or, Hausu) was a recommendation for episode 37 of The Sunday Movie Marathon podcast so check that out for more discussion. Generally speaking, this Japanese horror/comedy was bonkers. Insanely creative and abstract (which at points can detriment the film) with an almost Balamory-esque presentation. I was happy to find that the comedy was not lost on me at all; this is a hilarious film, albeit maybe not all the time.

The Princess Bride (1987) - 10/10 I reviewed this in my May wrap-up but this time around, I had recommended The Princess Bride for the podcast, the discussion for which you can listen to in episode 37. It all clicked this time around. It is such a fun, warm movie with a lot of laughs and superb production.

This Is Spinal Tap (1984) - 8/10 Another Rob Reiner joint, a few years before The Princess Bride. This Is Spinal Tap is lauded as a masterpiece in comedic cinema and I might agree; this movie is hilarious. Shot in mockumentary fashion, it follows a band playing shows and trying to get gigs, coupled with the inevitable screw-ups of live performance and creative disagreements. It lost me every now and again but it’s still a must-watch.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996) - 6/10 A decent Disney flick but certainly not their best. One highlight includes the villain singing a lament about wanting to have sex with Esmerelda and calling her a witch for giving him a boner.

Ponyo (2008) - 4/10 Not sure if I’ve ever disliked a Miyazaki movie before but I did not vibe with Ponyo. It came across as very baby and as such, there really wasn’t much to read into. The animation is fantastic as always but so much of it felt specifically tailored to a younger crowd.

Roman Holiday (1953) - 9/10 Classic romance at its best. I had heard on a podcast that this was the sexiest movie the guest had ever seen and while maybe not in the traditional sense of the word, I do get where they’re coming from. I was tearing up with just how lovely it all was, following a princess who runs away and spends the day with a man she meets in Rome (where it was shot on location), doing all the things she’s wanted to do but never could because of royal responsibilities. Fantastic performances from Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck who sell the chemistry of the characters so well.

F9 (2021) - 2/10 I’ve never seen any of the Fast & Furious movies and after watching the ninth in the series, I don’t want to. This is basically the Vin Diesel show; we watch him drive cars fast and punch people a lot. Wow! I don’t really understand what it (and forgive the pun) driving people to see these movies if they’re all in this same vein. As far as I can tell, F9 is the goofiest of the series so far and I’ll admit I had a chuckle or two at some of the truly implausible moments, such as a part where one of the team gets shot by about ten men with machine guns, yet manages to kill them all without being affected by the bullets… but overall, in this two-and-a-half-hour experience, I was largely bored.

Shaolin Soccer (2001) - 7/10 I love this movie! Shaolin Soccer is so much fun; it is goofy and out there and completely crazy, all by design. Steven Chow knew what he was making when he set out to craft this insane story of a group of guys using Kung-Fu to play football. The basic story itself is nothing new but it’s elevated by the infectious comedy and implausibility of what’s happening. Balls are kicked into space and across fields so fast the very ground is torn asunder. A man eats an egg off a dirty shoe. This is cinema.

Casino Royale (2006) - 7/10 I had seen a trailer at the cinema for the new Bond movie and I have to say, I’ve never really given 007 the time of day, aside from a few of the very first movies I’d tried watching a while ago. But the new trailer kind of got me hyped, so I wanted to watch all of the Craig era Bond movies, starting with Casino Royale. I had a great time! Even though there’s not loads of fighting or weapons or fast cars, the meat of the movie actually comes from this poker game Bond is playing against the villain, played brilliantly by Mads Mikkelsen. I was surprised to witness a bit of cock-and-ball torture in this 12-rated movie but I would be lying if I said it didn’t stick with me.

Quantum of Solace (2008) - 5/10 Immediately after Casino Royale, I jumped into the second of Daniel Craig’s Bond movies, Quantum of Solace. Sadly it’s quite weak, with not much going on aside from the general Bond fare. Mathieu Amalric’s villain lacked a lot of menace or motivation and generally, I’m not super worried about a brilliant story in a Bond movie, but even the action felt weak in this. Quantum of Solace didn’t exactly upset me but it failed to wow me in any way either. The saving grace of the movie is certainly Daniel Craig as the hero, capturing Bond and what he’s supposed to be.

Skyfall (2012) - 6/10 A marked improvement from its predecessor, Sam Mendes helms Skyfall, Craig’s third outing as Bond. Skyfall delves into Bond’s past as he seems to be slipping a bit, not as much the expert operative he once was. It would have been nice to see more of his fall from grace, as they don’t really show us how he’s become less efficient as much as they give other characters expository dialogue telling us how he drinks and does drugs and is haunted by childhood trauma. For me, that’s where the meat of the story lies and I would have preferred more of a character piece if indeed they were delving into that side of the character anyway. That being said, the fights are still better choreographed than the last instalment and the colour grading and scenery is often very visually interesting. Everything in Skyfall is better than its predecessor and it’s surely thanks to Sam Mendes who does a great job at directing.

Howl's Moving Castle (2004) - 8/10 Another go round for Howl's Moving Castle, as this was a recommendation for my podcast, The Sunday Movie Marathon. My opinion, I feel, is unchanged. It's a fantastic film, and you can listen to more of what I have to say in episode 37. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 - 3/10 A pretty poor end to a poor series of movies. I'm surprised I've watched the Twilight movies as many times as I have but I also know I'll watch them again. Part 2 I watched with the YMS commentary track on YouTube which, again made the experience a lot better. But otherwise the series seemed to get better as it went along… until the last movie. Ultimately my biggest problem with it is that nothing actually happens and the plot feels like a late addition rather than a natural progression of the story. It’s basically a whole movie of set-up to a payoff that doesn’t even canonically happen. A big thing with YA adaptations in this era was making a final book into two movies, regardless as to whether it needed that much time or not. Breaking Dawn does not need to be two movies at two hours each. About ten new characters are introduced here and the film is afraid of killing even one of them off. It's the last movie! We're not going to see these characters again! Kill some of them! There's just no emotional weight to any of it and I hate to say I was disappointed with the ending because I have such low expectations for these films but man, this was so unsatisfying.

Frances Ha (2012) - 8/10 Life is hard. And I hate this movie because it shows me so much of what terrifies me about being alive. And I love this movie because it shows me so much of what I’m alive for. Noah Baumbach’s brutally honest depiction of growing up and fending for yourself struck me in a way I wasn’t expecting and I think it’s because I’m at a point in my life where I’m worrying a lot about how it’s all going to turn out. The titular character is burdened with the stress of working low-paid jobs and paying rent while juggling school and making time for her passion of dancing as she tries to connect with people she’s lost, as temporary friends and housemates come and go. She feels like a lonely character despite often being around a lot of people. Frances Ha is fantastic and heartbreaking and uplifting… but it made me feel bad so I hate it.

[t-lostinworlds]

Extra (Tom Holland)

A/N: What is this? I have finished something? Me?? posting?? A FIC? WHAT? Is the world actually ending!?!? I think I’m funny but I’m not, clearly. Glad to be out of my writing rot tho aha. Hope you guys like this one!

Pairing: Tom Holland x Singer!Reader

Summary: You get a sweet but very extra surprise on your birthday nearing the end of your show.

Warnings: Fluff and my usual typos

Word Count: 5.5k+

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

The sound of your phone just going off uncontrollably was what woke you up, and you were completely sure that it wasn't your alarm.

You squint your eyes at the bright glare of the screen, a huge contrast to your still dim hotel room. You literally had just woken up hence why the curtains aren't open yet, it's still a bit too early after all.

Flicking the ringer on silent, birthday greetings and messages from friends and families were still flooding through, your phone now vibrating instead of your loud ringtone, giving your ears a break.

As you read through and responded to all of them, you couldn't help but feel a little down after you realized you haven't seen his name yet.

Of course you feel grateful for all the sweet messages everyone has sent you, your heart is melting from all the love. But there's that slight disheartened feeling that you can't seem to shake, slight worry that your boyfriend might have forgotten about your birthday.

You haven't heard from Tom since yesterday morning, which now makes it almost a full day. After he texted you that he was going to be doing a lot of stunts and is probably going to be super busy, he then just disappeared, not even slipping in a text good night. You did let it pass though, because he might have been quite knackered after the shoot.

Message to Tom: Good morning bub <3 Just checking up on you since you haven't read or replied to any of my messages at all. Hope you're okay and haven't injured yourself Thomas. I really miss you a lot and I love you loads x

Your frown could only deepen as you hit send, still no response nor any sign that he's got your messages whatsoever.

Normally, it wouldn't really be a big deal but the last you've seen him in person was three months ago. He was busy shooting the third installment of Spider-Man all while doing a few projects on the side. And you, well, you're touring around the world.

You could be patient and blame it on the time difference why he hasn't greeted yet, but he's just behind a couple hours. Tom has made it a habit of always greeting you at midnight no matter what and where, he's just cliché like that, and it was definitely passed midnight in New York.

God, you sound so much like a whiny and ungrateful brat, but you can't help it, you just miss him so much.

Maybe you've gotten so used to always spending your birthdays with him so the first time that you're celebrating it from different parts of the globe, it does makes you sad.

You did try to make ends meet, but a week before today, he's brought you the news that he can't fly out due to conflicting schedules with some of the actors he's working with, and that it's critical that he's there on the day. To be the leading role of a gigantic movie, asking a few days off is never that simple.

On the other hand, you have a show today and tomorrow, so flying to him isn't exactly ideal either. You understand of course, you are sort of in the same line of work, but still, it doesn't make you feel any less gloomy.

With one big stretch, you placed your phone back on your side table as you slowly got out of bed, opting to go and take a shower to then head down and meet the crew for breakfast.

Maybe you'll hear from him later in the day.

* * *

It was late in the afternoon and still not a single word from Tom.

You were growing worried because it was so unlike him to be very cut off and silent.

Did he lose his phone?

You tried to contact Harry—who's with Tom currently—but he too wasn't responding. Everything was just off and odd altogether, the tiny pit in your stomach only growing bigger the more you worry and think about where your man is.

"Have you heard from Tom?" You asked with furrowed brows the moment Molly, your manager approached you on stage. Your hand found its way to fish your phone out of your pocket to check it for the umpteenth time, but still, no sign of him.

You were finishing up your final soundcheck before you were off to a mini get-together—snacks and drinks included—with some of your fans. It was your alternative to a meet and greet because you'd rather hang out and have real conversations with them than the whole quick snap and go.

She shook her head at you all confused, a slight glimmer in her eyes that you didn't quite catch. "Uh no, why?"

You sighed. Tom doesn't really contact your manager unless its important matters, so you don't even know why you're asking, maybe you've just grown desperate to hear even the smallest thing from him, just anything. "Never mind. Is it time?"

"Yeah, they're all waiting for you."

You simply nodded as you followed her off stage, handing the guitar over to your guy on the way.

Walking through the hallway, you kept your head down, eyes glued to your phone as you respond to more messages from people, but also checking if Tom has come back from ghost town.

You were aimlessly following Molly to wherever room or space they set up the get-together in, just watching her shoes and never looking up from your device. That, until you heard a few shuffling of rushed feet and a door being slammed shut.

"What was that? And what's in here?" You asked, eyes now trained on a door of what looks like another dressing room. Molly continued walking, so you kept following but with your gaze still glued to the door, curios as to what's going on inside because you definitely can hear a bit of ruckus.

"Oh just the staff, that's one of their rooms." She answered casually, not even bothering to give you or the room a glance.

"Is it weird if I just go inside and say thank you? Would that be too... intrusive?" You pondered, halting in your tracks as you contemplated on knocking. You just wanted to extend your gratitude for all their hard work, but you aren't sure if they were comfortable with you suddenly just strolling in.

"It's not weird at all hun, but you've got a schedule." She smiled at you sweetly, nodding her head towards the direction of the get-together.

"Oh right, yeah, let's go."

You gave the door one last look before turning on your heel to follow Molly once again, up until you reached another space covered in curtains. And the moment your bodyguard pulled it open, wide smiles on faces greeted you as they all sang in tune.

"Happy birthday to you!"

You laughed as you shyly shook your head at them. Warmth coated your whole body in an instant as love and pure adoration radiated off of the space, off of your fans.

You did as much as wave your fingers in the air as they sang, serving as a conductor because for the number of years you've been on this earth, you still have no idea what to do when people sing the birthday song to you.

* * *

"I can't thank you guys enough for being here with me tonight. You guys have been so incredible, you always are." You breathed out as your voice echoed throughout the whole arena. You looked at the thousands of people who came tonight to see you perform with a proud grin, their energy never wavering as they sing your songs back to you from each melody to lyric.

Adrenaline was pumping through your veins as you tried to catch your breath, taking the water bottle off of the floor and lifting it up to your lips to have a quick drink.

"Now, give me everything you've got for this last song alright?" You spoke into the mic once you've rehydrated.

"Wait, wait. Don't you guys agree that Y/N is killing it tonight?" Your pianist, Sara, interrupts, the crowd cheering in agreement at her input. "And judging by today's occasion, I think we all owe her a little song." She added, earning a hearty laugh from you as you brought the mic back to your lips.

"You guys don't have to—"

"Happy birthday to you!"

The song was played no matter your protest, Sara leading the crowd as she plays the tune on her keys, the rest of the band following suit.

Your laugh bounced off the walls as you stood there in complete awe. It was a beautiful sight to see, the crowd all singing in unison, lights up in the air as they pour all their heart to the simple yet special song. The song still filling you up with joy and warmth despite having heard it countless of times for the whole day, and the fact that all these people were there for you? It was definitely the icing on the cake.

"Thank you so much you lovely people, y'all are making me emotional. And they say the best way to spend your birthdays is with the people you love and the ones who love you, and they were absolutely right. I'm so blessed to have you guys tonight, because I do love you all very much." You stated fondly the moment they finished with a loud cheer, a hand placed right atop your heart as you feel it grow ten times its size.

"Y/N, we've got another something for you." Sara spoke before you could even get another word out, hand gesturing towards the large screen right behind you.

"Oh god, is this mission make Y/N ugly cry today?" You laughed, turning around just in time too see the tour artwork turning pitch black to then be replaced by a huge countdown.

5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

The crowd roared in delight as Mr. Niall Horan joined with Lewis Capaldi appeared on screen, large pints of Guinness on hand with their arms around each other as they give you their birthday greeting.

"Happy birthday Y/N! But since we're halfway across the world, we'll be there with you in spirit. Also, Lewis and I decided to celebrate anyway so cheers to you and have an amazing day." Niall chuckled as he lifted his beer up. "I'll make sure to have a good drink for you Y/N! We miss ya and we love ya!" Lewis added with a cheeky grin, and you couldn't help but shake your head at the two with a big smile of your own.

You've worked with them both on a few songs, and both were the funniest yet sweetest gentlemen you've met in the industry, especially when you put the two together.

Both of them emptied their glasses as they bid their goodbyes, Niall's loud laugh echoing throughout the arena when Lewis spilled before they disappeared on screen.

The crowd went even louder once Shawn Mendes' pretty face appeared on it next, sporting his usual bright smile as he gave you his short but sweet greeting. "Happy birthday Y/N! Wishing you all the best in life since you deserve all of it! Can't wait to work with you again soon! Have fun on your birthday honey!"

You shook your head in disbelief. An amused smile was plastered on your face, still unable to fathom that a few years ago you were a huge fan of him. And now you can say you've worked with him, even call him a friend. Funny, how the universe works.

Alessia Cara came up next with a smile, wide and bright, you're heart melting to see one of your greatest and closest friends. She's just a pure and kindhearted soul, a rare beauty. "Hey there you lovely and amazing woman! Happy birthday! I miss hanging out with you a lot but I shall see you soon! Keep conquering the world Y/N! I am so proud of how far you've come and you deserve every bit of success that comes your way. Again happy birthday! Have an amazing one and I love you!" She blew you a sweet kiss and waved you goodbye, tears already brimming in your eyes at all the love and appreciation thrown your way.

Next were Zendaya and Jacob Batalon, who you've grown close with through no other person than Tom. Both were clearly on set sitting on directors' chair in their characters' outfits. Both looked a little tired but they still greeted you with wide smiles nonetheless.

"Happy birthday Y/N!" They screamed in unison. "We wished we could be there with you to celebrate your birthday but you already know how these things go." Z pouted, Jacob copying her as well and you couldn't help but giggle. "But soon when we get a break we will catch up and celebrate your birthday." Jacob added with a knowing grin. "Anyway! Duty calls so enjoy your birthday and have great one! We love you!"

Then friends and family came up on screen, ones who you've missed most having been away from them for so long and that's when you felt your heart ache a little. Happy tears were brimming in your eyes as each of them shared their lovely messages, saying how proud they are for how far you've come. And when those words come from the people who you truly care about, it means the absolute world.

The next person to share their video message didn't help with the tears either, a hushed sob escaping your lips the moment you saw his familiar face.

The crowd behind you screamed at the top of their lungs the moment Thomas Stanley Holland appeared on screen, handsome face sporting that sweet and charming smile as he sat in his trailer wearing his Spider-Man suit.

"Hello darling. My love, I'm so gutted that I'm not there so celebrate your birthday with you. If I could teleport myself by your side right now, I would in a heartbeat, but anyway, happy birthday sweetheart!" Tom exclaimed joyfully, grin all beaming and you couldn't help but miss him even more.

"Oh, where do I start? Well, I can start by saying how proud I am of you, so so proud of the gorgeous, powerful, strong and successful woman that you've grown to become. You've worked so hard to get where you are today and it fills me with so much happiness knowing that you're out there traveling the world and doing what you love the most." The crowd cooed at Tom's sweet words, your heart was already melting at the seams as more tears threaten to spill, and he wasn't even done yet.

"You deserve the whole world if not more with how kindhearted and compassionate you are. And gosh you make me feel so happy and loved. I feel so lucky to have someone like you in my life, I can't even begin to describe to you exactly how much, and if I tried? Then we'd be here for hours on end. And lastly—because I'm being called to set right now, if I wasn't I'd be talking about how amazing you are some more—I am truly, madly and deeply in love with you Y/N. You are my world and I hope I make you feel loved every single day, because you truly deserved to be."

"Tom they're waiting for you."

"Yeah, just one more minute." Tom calls out to someone off shot before his eyes landed back on the camera, staring straight at you through the screen with a guilty smile. Guilty because it pains him that he's not there with you. "I love you dearly, and I miss you so much. I'll make it up to you I promise. Once again, happy birthday to my beautiful girl and I shall see you soo—"

All of a sudden the screen went static, Tom's words being cut off as you heard nothing but white noise. Then everything just went black, the whole arena dark as the night as gasps of surprise and screams of panic echoed throughout its walls.

Tell everyone to stay calm Y/N, we're fixing things up.

Your sound guy spoke in your in-ear. You nodded despite the fact that they probably can't see you due to the darkness. Turning back around to the audience, you spoke into the mic. "I'm sorry guys, just technical difficulties. Just stay in your seats in be calm, the lights should be back on in a minute."

And as if on cue, the crowd screamed as the power turned back on. However, after a few seconds, they turned unusually rowdy, too rowdy for it to be only that reason. Slowly you got the feeling it wasn't only because of that, judging by the volume and power of their cheer, and by a few fans pointing at the stage as if they're seeing something you aren't.

For a split second, you met eyes with Molly who was right by the side of the stage. She had that all-knowing grin on her face as she pointed towards something behind you.

Confused, you turned around, jumping in sheer shock when you were met by a hanging, upside-down person dressed in a red and black Lycra suit, face all covered with a mask making the identity of the person pretty much unknown.

Your heart beat quickened as you stumbled back on your feet at the sight of the person, your brain registering it back to a specific boy—one who you saw on screen minutes ago wearing the exact same outfit—even if there was no confirmation as their face wasn't even shown. Your whole body was trembling from surprise, excitement but also worry that it might not be who you think it is under that mask.

Emotions were all over the place as you stared right at upside-down, masked-face of Spider-Man who held a birthday cupcake in hand.

"No, no, stop, please, is this a prank?" You croaked out, shaking your head as tears started to escape your eyes, question a must because you're having a really hard time believing what you're seeing.

It's been a long day, you just really wanted to make sure that what's happening is real and not just a figment of your imagination. You had to make sure that it wasn't the desperation of you missing your boyfriend painting pictures in your head. Not only that, but to really be sure that it's actually him under that mask.

"Guys! Don't even play! Please don't get my hopes up. That's a stunt double right?" You asked into the mic as you looked at your band and the rest of the crew for answers, who gave you nothing but wide smiles. You just feel like it would be too good to be true, and you really don't want to face disappointment if it wasn't him.

On the other hand, out of all the things they could have done to prank you, why would they choose this? It's a bit cruel to prank someone on their birthday now doesn't it? Especially when it involves playing with their emotions?

Unless, it's not a prank at all and you're getting way too ahead of yourself.

Mr. Spider-Man beckons you over, finger pointing at your hand to which you held the mic. With tears already clouding your vision, you moved closer slowly.

Reaching a close enough proximity, you had one hand over your mouth to silence your whimpers as the other lifted the microphone up to where Spider-Man's mouth is supposed to be. And the moment he spoke, you've lost any sense of control over your emotions or your sanity, his voice just too familiar for it to be someone else's.

"Why don't you take off the mask and find out yourself darling?"

You shook your head at the upside down boy as joyful tears streamed down your face, shaking hands lifting up to hook your fingers on the edge of the mask, pulling it down and removing it fully to reveal the face of the man you love.

"You sneaky bastard." You laughed tearfully, Tom only grinning at you all proud, his face now turning redder as the seconds pass by, being upside-down and all.

"Happy birthday sweetheart." He chuckled, offering you the cupcake, which you took gladly, balancing it with the mic on your hand. You were unable to form any more words as you stared at Tom, still unable to believe that it's actually him, and that he's here, in the flesh.

The crowd started to chant the word "kiss" over and over, making you throw your head back in pure laughter.

"We should do the kiss." Tom wriggled his eyes brows at you, mischievous smirk in play and you couldn't stop your eyes from rolling at your boy. But still, you gave in anyway as you cupped his face softly, your heart skipping a beat at the feeling of his warm skin against your palm.

You brushed the tip of your nose with his with a hum, moving closer until there was no space between you two as you captured his lips in yours, all while trying to manage the whole upside-down situation.

Tom sighed in pure satisfaction to finally feel your lips on his after months of being deprived from it, your touch making him feel like he's floating, which says a lot given the fact that he was already hanging mid-air all while being upside-down.

The kiss didn't last long though, too many prying for you two to cherish the moment. The crowd, on the other hand, cheered in amusement at the extremely cliché but sweet gesture, you and Tom giggling between the kiss at the loud support.

"Okay, I'm actually getting dizzy now." Tom laughed once you pulled away, hand gesturing for you to move just a little bit farther, and when you did, he flipped himself right-side-up with ease. A few guys then rushed on stage to help him with the wires, and once they were off, Tom turned to you with a sweet smile, face coated with wholesome contentment to finally see you in person again.

"You're actually here." You whimpered, fresh tears wetting your cheeks some more once he stood right in front of you.

"Aww darling, come here." Tom cooed with a soft chuckle, arms wrapping around your frame as he held you close to his chest, pressing a sweet kiss on top of your head. You couldn't contain your sobs as you buried your face on the crook of his neck, the smell of his perfume filling you up quickly and it only made your grip around him tighten.

You just miss him so damn much, and to actually have him here on your birthday, to be holding him so close after months, it was making every fiber of your being emotional.

"I haven't missed your birthday, not a single one, ever. Why would I start now?" He whispered against your hair, swaying you from side to side in a comforting manner, a soft sigh coming out of you as you felt your heart grow with even more love for this man.

"I still haven't decided if I hate you or love you for doing this." You giggled with tiny sniffles, pulling away to get a proper look at his handsome face, the face that you'll always be glad to see. Hate because he almost gave you a heart attack and for making you worry about him for being gone for a day, and love because, well, he's here now isn't he?

Tom only shot you a wink. "I'll tell you all about it later." He says, hand reaching down to take the microphone from you.

"Hey everyone, I'm Spider-Man." The crowd roared at that, Tom laughing in pure glee, all proud of his choice of words as he slings his arm over your shoulder and pulled you to his side. "I just want to thank you guys for supporting this amazing woman right here. I've been watching the show from the very start and you guys have been incredible."

Tom turned to look at you lovingly, smile coated with delight and adoration, voice layered with nothing but certainty. "I love this woman a lot, so thank you for making her dreams come true and for making her happy."

With just that, you were able to conjure even more tears as you looked at Tom all adoringly with a small pout. The boy stared at you with just as much love, cooing at your reaction as he gave you a soft kiss on the forehead.

How have you managed to get so lucky?

"Right, I'm done crashing your show so take it away my love." Tom finished as he handed the microphone back to you. Giving you one last warm squeeze and a peck on the lips to match, Tom was then waving goodbye to the audience and disappearing side-stage to watch the rest of the show.

Taking in deep long breaths, you turned to the audience with a laugh. "Okay, wow. Mission Ugly Cry is a success then. I haven't see him in months okay I couldn't help the tears."

"I wasn't expecting that at all as you can probably tell by my reaction. How am I supposed to top that now?" You rubbed your temple in feign worry, the audience cheering you in mere support.

You were still sniffling from all the crying along with your throat being little dry. And you were thankful for waterproof mascara otherwise you would've looked even more horrifying.

"God I'm such a mess, can I have some tissues please?" You asked, looking around the crew for help as you attempted to wipe off the tears with your fingers.

Instead of the staff, Tom ran back out with a box of tissues and a bottle of water in hand, making you shake your head in utter hilarity at how corny he is. You couldn't hold back your laughter when he handed you the box of tissues, pulled a couple pieces and held his fingers under your chin as he wiped your tears for you, all gingerly as if he was retouching your make up. After that, he opened up the water bottle to help you drink, then fixed your hair up jokingly and squeezed your nose playfully right after.

Once he was done with, he gave you a chaste kiss on the cheek, waving one last time at the crowd before returning back to side-stage.

"My new assistant everyone." You joked, keeping your eyes on your boyfriend with a grin you can't seem to wipe off. Tom mirrored your expression as he gave you two thumbs up in support for the last song, and with that you turned back to the crowd with a deep, satisfied sigh.

"Right, let's go out on a high note."

* * *

"Absolutely killed it." Tom praised, engulfing you in a warm embrace the moment you got off stage, a soft thank you coming out of you as you squeezed him back.

On your way back to your dressing room, You kept each other close, his arm slung over your shoulder with yours around his waist as you walked through the hallway.

"I'm not leaving your side by the way. I missed you too damn much and I'm not going to waste any second by being a little far from you." Tom shot you his best puppy dog eyes combined with a cute pout, a sweet giggle escaping your lips that made Tom's heart melt ten times over. "Well, I'm not complaining."

It wasn't that long of a walk from the stage to your dressing room but you had time to kill, so you turned to look at your man with a curios glint in your eyes.

"Tell me how you've managed to pull off this extremely over-the-top surprise? I mean, you could've just showed up in my dressing room and I would've cried just as much." You pointed out. Not that you didn't like what he did, you loved what just happened, every second of it, but you cannot deny that what he did was as extra and cliché as one can be.

Tom shrugged with a chuckle, "I know. But I wanted it to be special, you deserve nothing but. And you've got to admit, dangling upside-down in the middle of the stage during your show, all while dressed as Spider-Man is pretty impressive. Plus, we did the kiss. I'd say it's an amazing birthday surprise."

"It is amazing. I just happen to forget how extra you are sometimes." You teased. "I am, but you love me for it." Tom retorted back with a smirk, causing you to roll your eyes with soft laugh.

"Yeah, I do. Thank you so much bub, you always make my birthdays memorable." You sighed, wrapping both your arms around him with a smile full of gratitude. Tom planted another kiss on your forehead, a bright smile on his lips to match yours as he hummed. "Anything for my angel."

"Now, details Holland."

"Right, managed to pull some strings a a week ago and was able to ask few days off, so the whole conflicting schedule wasn't entirely a lie but it wasn't as serious as I made it out to be. Flew out last night right after the shoot. I couldn't handle just lying to you which is why I didn't respond to any of your messages in case I slip up. I'm sorry about that love."

"And then out of nowhere I thought how awesome it would be to pop up as Spider-Man in the middle of your show and do the famous kiss, so I asked Marvel a favor and thank goodness they let me borrow the suit. Called Molly to tell her about my plan, she helped quite a lot. Arrived here earlier this morning, did a test run with the wires and all that while you were still back at the hotel. Changed into the suit to then wait for the time. Oh! And if you actually looked up from your phone earlier down the hall on your way to your get-together, the whole surprise would've been ruined."

You gasped as you smacked his chest lightly. "That was you! I knew something was up." You felt really played, knowing you could've seen him if you did as much as peek up from your phone. But then again, it would've ruined the whole thing, and you really don't want to change anything that has happened today, so you're glad you didn't.

Tom could only laugh at your reaction, giving your pout a sweet peck before continuing. "The video messages were planned a long, long time ago but we made a few edits at the end of my bit to make it dramatic and here we are now."

And just as he said those last words, both of you now stood in front of the door of your dressing room. If there's one thing you always tend to be surprised about Tom, it's his impeccable timing.

"You are something else Thomas." You gushed, referring to today's escapade and just in general. You really are so lucky to have someone like him in your life, so thoughtful, caring, kind and just all around amazing.

You don't really know what came over you but the moment he opened the door to your dressing room and are your way inside, just knowing that you two were finally alone, you grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him down, crashing your lips on his as you pushed him back against the door, closing it shut in the process.

Tom chuckled lowly at the sudden change in mood, hands taking home on your waist as he relished the taste of your lips, one he's missed so bad.

The thick fabric of his suit was starting to irritate him for he just wants to feel your skin on his fingertips, especially after so long of not having to touch you. It got on Tom's nerves even more when he felt it grow even tighter than it already is.

And when you started to nibble on his bottom lip as your hands inched down his body slowly, Tom groaned, pushing you away gently, just for a little room to breathe. "Darling, it's very uncomfortable, borderline painful when I get hard in this suit, you know that." He grumbled, brown eyes a shade darker as his grip on your waist tightened.

You giggled, recalling all the times you've teased him whenever you came to visit him on set. "Hmm, let's get you out of it and go back to the hotel then."

Tom's bottom lip got caught between his teeth at your suggestion, your insides churning as he looked at you lustfully, a deep rumble erupting from his chest when he said,

"We definitely should. After all, this isn't the only surprise I have in store for you sweetheart."

-:-:-:-:-

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[ficsnroses]

Friends With Benefits Chapter 11 - Keanu Reeves x Reader

Chapter XI ~ Three Daggers.

Part 1  Part 2 Part 3 Part 4  Part 5  Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Word Count : 3.8k

Warnings : lots of angst, nsfw mentions. 

Series Summary : What happens when two, lonely friends start seeing each other for sex? A tricky friends with benefits love story, when feelings get in the way.

Notes : Buckle in friends, it’s a bumpy ride from here on out. Chapter 12, [out in the next week or two] will be the end of this fic and I’m already crying thinking of it. It’s been loads of fun! As always, please please do leave feedback, anonymous or not :) your words are what make it all worth it.

Chapter 10 Recap : As Keanu stands outside Y/N’s door, after seeing Matt walk out of her apartment, they both stand in silence, unsure of how to feel. Through thick tension, a series of flashbacks reveal how Keanu and Y/N’s relationship began, and what events lead things to become as messy as they are now. Finally, they decide to talk about the unspoken feelings and things that have been going on between them.

x

“Did you sleep with him?” He stills, expression strained and down casted stare piercing knives at the floor below. His arms rest heavy by his sides, dread of the coming words churn in his stomach; the fire burns in his belly.

“Excuse me?” You return, arms crossing, stance collective.

“Please.” His lip quivers so slight, gravelled, assertion coated tone less than willing to beat around the bush. “Just answer me, Y/N.”  

Your eyes still, connected to his that finally, momentarily find yours. You stay silent for a moment long, and the words that come haunt him. Haunt him before they’ve even settled, had time to absorb in the depths of his train wrecked realization. “Yes. I did.”

The first dagger.

You’ve spent enough nights with his manhood curled inside your legs, to know. Far too many evenings with his fingers dipped inside you; lapping, delighting the honey that seeped just for him.

You know him. And despite you desperately trying to forget,

He knows you. He knows you all too well.

The heaviness to the room suffocates you, claws away at each anticipation scorched crevice of your mind. A resigned silence has fallen across the atmosphere, the mere tick of the clock in the distant kitchen corridors filling the gaping holes. Time moves slow. For the first time, you both stand. You’re both here. You’re here, where nothing but words will heal. Nothing but words will suffice. And when you need them most, when you finally need them, they hinder. They’ve gone. They feel far too heavy, and his shoulders seem far too frail.

For the first time you see, Keanu seems, far too,

frail.

        You feel heavy, weighed down. Open your mouth. Let the truth exist somewhere other than inside your body. Let the words that were made just for him,

        find him.

A candle burns to the right, set on the wooden oaky coffee table. His favourite scent, something he’d left behind. Attention remains focused on the flickering flame as you continue to observe him from your spot, wondering, desperately scraping to know what thoughts seared his mind. What reveries he wondered, if he’d just reply. If he’d just talk.

His eyes scan the floor; you know there’s a brew fizzing inside his mind. Much to your disappointment, his cocoa kissed hair falters in hues; strands, long and lengthy seem matted, messier than usual. He hadn’t been keeping firm care of himself as usual,

You fear you’re the reason. That you did this to him, when all you wanted was to ease the burn. To do the better for the both of you.

You’d nearly gotten comfortable in the silence that loomed, almost forgotten that a storm was coming. It was bound to. So sudden, to the gravel of his tone, your chest tightens in guard. Defence.

“I thought you only sleep with me.” He starts, voice heavy, rid of that certain uniqueness it normally held for you. That gentle softness that usually shone. Perhaps it was still there, hidden in the grim shadows.

Perhaps your morphed mind refused to acknowledge it. Refused to remember, to confess that he’d always been far too good. Too good to deserve what you’d done. The way you both let it be. “Why does it matter?” You ask lowly, barely returning. The words have seemed to die in your throat before fully falling out; as if they never truly wanted to be heard by him. As if they saw right through you.

“Because. I thought that was our thing.” He reasons, tone firm, defensive in return. Crinkled lines of stress embroider his outer eyes, and you feel your insides plunge at the sight.

Your eyes narrow before a slight defence rings your voice, jaw tightening to his confidence. “Since when do we have a thing?”

The lines to his forehead firm, and his spine unravels in a firmer stance. To his jaw’s signal, his heavy head turns so slightly, taking in the words of your return. He’s stunned, upset, disappointed, irate, a cocktail of all negative emotions that had been crawling to the surface as of late. The emotions he’d swallowed down, allowed to burn inside just to have you near.

Solely to have you stay, even if it meant it wasn’t in the way he wanted you.

But now, there was none to lose. You’d been in the arms of another man. Let another man touch you the way he thought only his fingers could, allowed another man to taste the sap that seeped from your lips, the honey of your body the way only he should have been allowed.

Was he being selfish? He wonders, he ponders. But it burns. The burn triumphs, yet again. “We do, Y/N. Are you doing to deny everything?” he asks, thick hearted. “Everything we did?”

“What do you mean.” You release, the pricks of the sentence taking form of a statement more than a question. “We are- were in it for the benefits. Just sex, Keanu. Those were your words.” Your head lowers for a moment, collecting the words you needed him to hear. The defence you needed to fend. “You don’t get to decide what I do and don’t do. You do not control me.” Your teeth almost grit, lip bitten with affirmation. “You don’t get to decide who I can be with.”

The feeling persists as you try to blink it away slowly, little by little, desperately striving to keep your vomit of words from yelping out. It’s become much, far too much. The blades are cutting, sinking into your flesh.

“I get that.” Keanu waves off, understanding, sympathetic almost. His persona stays, yet seems to melt away in the same breath. Softer, milder tones hue his voice, and his words fall warmer. Warmer than the cold he’d been spitting thus far.

Yet, it’s funny how now, they feel colder.

Despite the sound, they’re piercing into each of your built up, sorrowed seams. They’re real. They’re true. “Y/N, you came to me. You wanted this. I understand that I too let it get this way, I too agreed.” Milder, softer, heavier. “But what you don’t have the right to do, is walk out on me when it’s convenient for you. You don’t get to decide when you want me and when you don’t.”

He bleeds, he too, bleeds. From this close, he looks tired, prominent bags shadow cast under his eyes, stabbing your veins with guilt. “Maybe it was my fault for letting you come back and chip away at me. For wanting you still every single time you came and went.” His words prove sharp, the sharp scalpels you’d never thought you’d hear pour from him. Despite great efforts, your eyes fall weaker and weaker to each word, each vowel, each syllable of his tenor. “Do you think it was easy for me, Y/N? When you disappeared for a week without a word? I was a mess, Y/N. I was ruined thinking I did something to hurt you. You made me feel that.”

The second dagger.

“We had something. Don’t you dare take that away from me and don’t you dare stand there and tell me we didn’t. It was never just sex, Y/N.” He feels your heavy stare, the way your eyes flicker with something so unfamiliar. As if the flip of a button, the tension between your aggravated bodies shifts, thickens, feels as if something that was never meant to flourish between you and him.

“We were…we were more. You were more.” He exhales, slow and sad. “You were never just midnight relief for me,” Cringing, he waves off a heavy palm to the sour words, his face scrunched to the thought of you thinking you were ever just physical need for him. Ever just sex. “You were-- you are a friend. Perhaps my dearest friend.” His words sear. They do hurt. Shackled with dread. You are, chained. Held. Composed of nothing but pure, utter, hurt.

He stands there, and even through the ice of his speech, it’s still him. Still that sliver of hope you’d always held, that dearest comfort in tumbling darkness. Even today, in the scorching gray, he still felt like home. And that was the worst part; home. Being torn, fraying away from you.

You wish he was still human, still something normal. You don’t remember when you started looking at him,

        and seeing poetry. A beautiful verse, a well rehearsed lyric, a symphony you remember lipping your tongue.

His words are breaking you, killing you softly. Something surfaces, something you so desperately didn’t want to, but it does. Guard.

    ;The poisons in our mouths burn holes in our tongues; our cheeks.

 The same guard that had perhaps been breaking you thus far. The same guard that made you leave. The same defence that refused to acknowledge out loud that he was more. That he was the one who kept you up at night, the one that crossed your mind each waking of the morning, each dusk of the night. You’d swore the joints in your neck creak when you slant up to the gray ceiling, and the ache at your right temple pounds harder, your veins course with something so icy, so frozen; an agonizing groan barely surfaces before your fingers mould along your temples, the words falling off your lips to an appalling mutter. “No, no, no, no.”

And that’s why you lie. You part your lips,

and lie.

“Keanu!” you almost cry, bones aching, chest hefty and heart pouring. You’re drained, exhausted, the conversation has turned darker than anticipated. The sharp edges only cut further. “We’re no good for each other. We aren’t and we never were.” A slight frown contorts your features.

These words, this stream of misery; you know they’re hurting him too. You know he’s hurting. You’re hurting him.

But they must be spoken. They must be shared. This thread that holds you bound, this cord that draws you back must be shred. Must be broken. It’s what he needs. What you both need.

By now, the river had flowed too far; the water rose far too deep.

 By now, if he’d be a part of you still, you fear you won’t be able to settle. You want one hundred percent of him, in the way lovers do. True lovers; the equities that come farther than physical connection. You want all of him, but you fear he won’t be able to give that part of him. Won’t be able to give you more. Just how much more you needed. And so you suffer, you writhe, and you ache some more as the words fall. You fight back sorrow as the façade falls.

 A river flows from your mouth, falls, pelts, cascades. The substitute of tears, your eyes won’t bare hold. “You were my first friend, my only friend when I came here.” You sympathize. “Of course you were more, Keanu. You weren’t just a quick fuck for me when I needed one, so don’t you dare accuse me of it.” A faint frown lingers to the planes of your face, and your eyes grow something worse than sad. Something full of pure, utter, melancholy. “We made a huge mistake and you know it, Ke.” Confessing, you watch the way his muscles tense under his signature black jacket.

 He’s suffering. You’re killing him.

“We both have issues, and we both have problems.” The ugly truth ultimately falls. But perhaps, you shouldn’t have shed light on it. Shouldn’t have dug up, salted old wounds. “Did we really think sex would fix that?” The truth hurts. It’s sinking daggers into your flesh by each word. You’d never been one to show weakness, yet to him, you let all the vulnerability fall. All the weaknesses that allowed you to get this way. “We made a mistake. And it’s best we just move on.”

 There, in his eyes today, right now, you swore you saw something you’d never seen before.

He’s always been admirable, reserved, but confident. Something about him always seemed collected, as if he’d got the entire world figured out and had came to terms with whatever it had to offer. He held poise, self-reliance.

But today- the emptiness inside your chest throbs and your fingers nimble under his intense stare. He doesn’t speak for prolonged moment, only stays,

numb.

Something in him died today. Something felt like withered flowers and caved ruins.

It’s unsettling to see such a sight before your eyes, to see a mountain before you disintegrate, yet refuse to acknowledge it. Eerie, soul crushing discomfort. You saw it in him,

but felt it in you.

Somehow, these things of his, always come back to you. To haunt you.

Keanu blinks slowly, coming back to the present as his head returns. His thoughts flow, rugged, anything but the usual smooth his collected demeanor was used to. It doesn’t matter to her, everything we did. These thoughts, these words, these feelings; they bubbled. She thinks we’re a mistake. Boiled, churned, gasped to be let out. These words needed liberation. Needed to be free.

Does she not remember? He wonders, he ponders. How could she forget?

Tick.

Tock.

Tick--

Even the ticking of the clock in the distant kitchen seems to drown out, seems to fade away unfinished. A heaviness still suffocates the room; feelings still remain trapped inside the depths of your confined hearts. The silence stretches on, the seconds, prolonged moments of quiet rack and add up, and so does your unease.

His expression carefully falters, devoid of anything that shows how utterly hopeless he continues to fall with each jab you take at him. Something so unreadable. Unreadably broken.

He drains too. His silence hurts.

More than the words you’re spewing; the words that cut, slowly slaughter your souls in a gritting slay. Your own eyes crumble, grip tightening in a balled fist similar to the grip that contorts your aching heart.

You feel disgust rip through yourself like a lightening bolt, the pain comes in shooting bolts piercing

Sharp.

Shrill.

It’s slipping through his fingers. It’s all slipping far too quickly.

“Y/N,” Keanu mumbles, urgent yet soft. Heavy voice weighted, plead drowned tone piercing, like lightening. “You-”

He tries again to talk, yet it proves too much. The way he speaks kills you, it’s murdering you cut by cut. It’s impossible to stomach the look on his face.

Dagger by dagger. You’re not strong enough. This mountain you carry on your tongue, in your bones, deep in each crevice of your physical self; it holds too much history, too much vulnerability. This love that laces in each of your veins for him; if it escapes, and the words kiss his skin, into his ears; you fear it won’t be enough. That it wont turn out the way you’ve dreamt all along.

And that’ll be the end. That’ll butcher you for good.

That will be the death of you.

“No, Keanu.” You voice, head shaken gently to a downcast defeat below. You see him tense, back leaned against the gray hallway wall.

Defeat.  

You’ve both defeated each other today. Both sunk the needles exactly where it hurts the most.

         ;Taking throws at the most vulnerable parts of each other. We’re like fingers on thorns of honey;

        we know exactly where it hurts.

 Ambling up beside his larger frame, you position adjacent; so close to him, where you’d feel lightening in your heart each time you reminisce on being. When you think back to the times when he was this close. When he won’t be anymore.

The hard wall feels cold against your skin, both your eyes intent on the surroundings, anywhere but on each other. Slow, quiet, you sigh a beaten exhale, eyes momentarily shutting to ease the heaviness for just one moment. He slumps, unable to hold the weight of his own two feet much longer. “No.” You mumble, you mutter. You force your tongue to move. Sick to the stomach. It churns inside, the brew of pain, hurt, defeat, agony. The fall in your eyes intensifies, covered by a gloss of realization.

This was it.

This would be it.

Dense, heavy, you glide. Your back slides down the hallway wall as your knees give out, falling to an upright seat on the floor below. Legs crossing with your hands positioned neat in your lap, weary shoulders slump; and your eyes find Keanu’s standing tall above you. Patting the spot beside you with one heavy thump, you sigh.

He swallows thick, before gliding down as well.

        falling, falling, falling.

There, in the quiet walls, you sit together. Insides burning, hearts twisting. Falling.

The silence endures, your tired hearts rest. Overpowered, overwhelmed, you sit together.

         ;I’m erasing you from my skin.

 “Keanu,” you begin, empathizing; limbs limp with exhaustion. “I can’t be with you anymore. I just can’t. It’s draining, it’s exhausting.”

The third

        dagger.

        And this one, would hurt in him constantly. Would burn in him endlessly.

Your every word is cruel. Brutally candid; straightforward. Each and every syllable, each vowel, each ring tears something inside him expertly, like deliberately unhurried knives; merciless daggers sinking in deep.

Keanu’s mind wanders still, the words he so desperately wanted to say to you still bubbling. The conversation hadn’t played out how he planned. This was not what he had planned. This is not what the hopes he came with wrote. The burn is so rugged, so intense, and the words fight to come out. They fight to be heard by you. Fight to save your sinking ship.

But they don’t. they ultimately don’t. They still in his throat. They dissolve in his throat.

He couldn’t put himself out there for you to break down again. Couldn’t hand himself over to you again, only to be destroyed, yet again.

His features falter, realization seeps into his bones. In these moments, everything, each second seems so fragile, so precious.

-She’s slipping away far too quickly-

         She’s slipped away;

        She’s gone.

 Keanu’s head falls back, hitting the wall behind you both with an audible thud. He nods gently with a hefty respire, eyes closing for a brief moment. Slain.

Slow and wounded, he removes himself from your side, standing on his own two somnolent legs. The air around has only darkened, except now, there’s no piercing. No lightening, no bolting.

Just flat, dry, unforgiving air.

He stands tall above you, yet your body stays positioned below on the ground. You can’t seem to move, can’t seem to rise. Can’t seem to rise up from the small. From the low.

        From the feeling of low.

Staring up, your eyes lock with his as he begins sincerely, head shaking. The phantom, the ghost of him leans above you, looming over with guilt ridden, shattered realization.

He begins, apologizing. “I promise, all I wanted was to help. Not to make it worse.” Thick cut sadness, gloom glazes each word. He’d come with so much hope; he’d come to you confident he’d get it right. That this time, he’d hold you for good.

With nothing, he’d be leaving. Nothing but haunting memories of the sweetest love, that never worked. The ghost of a love he’d lost, without ever really having it.

“I care about you so much.” He tells, one last time. “I’m sorry if I said anything out of line. You’re an amazing woman, Y/N. I still admire you and all the success you’ve earned since you came here.”

Gray. It’s all falling gray. The murals of a once bright and crimson passion; a once rosy friendship, a yellow hope. All grayed.

“I still wish you nothing but the best. You deserve it.” He finishes, a gentle nod and half attempted smile your way. A haunting smile, that would forever remain carved inside your brain. The smile of the heart you slaughtered.

           And for a moment; you think, maybe you loved him, in another lifetime. And maybe you promised you’d find him on the other side.

On the other side – and maybe that’s why you can’t seem to escape him, to let him go.

         But today, he is going. He’s leaving for good.

Today, it felt as if the flowers beheaded themselves; the sun burnt to the ground. He’d take them away with him, with each drowning step he took.

        He won’t come back; the whispers of your crying thoughts linger.

        He has to; the weeps of your heart undertone.

And you wonder, that perhaps you don’t deserve good things. Because this, watching him leave with your heart crucified to his chest, felt as if punishment. Punishment for sins you don’t even remember committing.

He shakes his head one last time, before his back turns. Turns to you, leaves you behind as he begins to move away, toward the bulky front door. He’d bid his goodbyes, wished his farewells.

He is the one that got away. And maybe, the one who comes after him; if one ever will; will remind you of how it was always supposed to be. The mistakes that were never meant to be made.

        ~They will taste like the poetry; you wish you could’ve composed.

For from today, blue skies would fade gray, the birds would cease to sing. The flowers would never live again, and the burn would maybe subside to nothing, but, gray. You will stay empty, stay longing for what he gave you.

The corridors of each room will be empty; and nothing makes the room feel emptier than longing for someone to be in it. And long you would. Knowing the man you love would be gone for good.

And even after all this pain, all this hurt,

         His body is still the only one you want to be undressed under.

         His weight is the only one you want resting beside you at your most vulnerable, at your worst.

 The daggers have been thrown. The wounds have been carved.

“Stop saying things like that to me.” Sudden, your voice cracks from below. You’d been unsure of how the word had even escaped, plummeted out, fearing no barrier. As if your pulsing heart’s last attempt to ease the agony, to stop him. They’d fallen out, leaving your mind little to fend your guard with.

He halts in his tracks, merely turning in his steps to lock you a surrendered gaze. Why? his pleading orbs beg, wondering what more could be left to said. Head shaking, with his lips pursing tight and taut to a thin line, he stands with his arms side by side, eyes coursing into your soul.

Wondering. What you would say.

“Stop saying things like that to me. Things that make me feel like you’re the only good I’ll ever have.” You barely manage, swallowing thick, dense, pure anguish. Gaze faltering, you eye the floor below, unable to lock stare with him just yet. You whisper, audible yet to his ears with an ultimate connect to his earthy orbs; your own filling with seared, stinging wet sheen.

And the words that would fall from your lips from there on out-

        Could never be taken back.

➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴➶ ➴

My taglists will be posted in reblogs from now on. Let me know if you want to be added or removed from either this series, or the permanent!

[artificialqueens]

Overpowered Part 7 [FINAL] (Branjie)- athena2

A/N: Well, the last chapter is here and I’m in my feelings. Three months ago, I was looking at Brooke’s superhero runway look and couldn’t get this idea out of my head. I decided I really wanted to write it even if no one would read it. The response this fic has gotten has blown my mind. Every comment, like, reblog, etc. has given me such joy and it honestly means the world to me; the sequel definitely wouldn’t have happened without your support. I’ve put my heart and soul into this for 3 months, and I’m really happy with the ending. Thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone that read, commented, liked, shared, etc. If I could thank each one of you, I would. I’ve got some exciting new works planned, and I hope you’ll stick around to read them!

Also, thank you @writworm42 for helping me get the final scene together

Brooke’s fingers constantly drift to her ring, like she needs to touch it just to prove that it’s real.

To prove that her entire life is real.

When the worries break through and threaten to consume her, when she struggles to see herself as anything other than a burden weighing Vanessa down, Vanessa’s promise to love her forever and always be there for her echoes in Brooke’s brain and forms a protective shield over her, fears and doubts ricocheting off and banished from her mind.

Her vows in return extend the same protection, and she hopes it makes Vanessa feel safe when she struggles herself. She hopes Vanessa knows that Brooke will always love her no matter what.

She rubs the smooth ring in their hotel that morning, trying to calm the bouncing in her leg as Vanessa sleeps. Vanessa had been too excited to sleep much on the train, and Brooke is so grateful Vanessa didn���t even mention flying down to Florida, that she was willing to spend a whole day on a train for her, that she’ll let Vanessa sleep all day if she needs to.

She pulls out her notebook and flips through the pages Vanessa had written her for Valentine’s Day, all her favorite memories the two of them made. Brooke giggles to herself as she reads about when she and Vanessa made pizza, and Vanessa tossed the dough in the air and got it stuck to the ceiling. She’s reading about the time they were on patrol and took a break to play in the snow when Vanessa’s phone blares. Brooke jumps, papers scattering over her lap, and Vanessa rolls over with a groan.

“This hoe can’t even leave us alone on our honeymoon,” Vanessa grumbles as she puts the phone on speaker.

“I have exciting news I think you’ll like to hear,” Silk announces grandly.

“The last time you had exciting news, it was about the crunch wrap at Taco Bell, so-”

“Quake and Shockwave are going away for life in the Pacific Prison. They’re gone, and I mean it this time,” Silk cuts Vanessa off.

Neither of them speaks. The Pacific Prison, on the other side of the country, was reserved for the worst criminals.

Vanessa ends the call, and Brooke turns to her, wetness in the corners of her eyes. “We’re really safe, Brooke,” Vanessa says. “They can’t touch us again.”

They embrace in the bed and Brooke holds on to Vanessa and this moment, completely wrapped up in the security like a blanket.

They break apart, and Vanessa pushes tangled hair out of her eyes and pulls her clothes on. “You could have woken me earlier,” she insists.

“I wanted to let you sleep. Besides, we have time. We have the whole week.”

We have our whole lives, she thinks, and today is just the beginning. —

They decided on Disney for their honeymoon. Vanessa hasn’t been since she was a kid, and Brooke is pretty sure she went before, but can’t remember it that well.

They talked and laughed and pointed out all the animals and weird billboards they saw out the window on their train ride, which Vanessa had booked without hesitating over the 24-hour journey; she knew without question that flying wasn’t an option.

They run through the gates at Magic Kingdom and Brooke is bouncing up and down, and Vanessa couldn’t stop smiling if she wanted to. She feels like a kid again, the sky bright and a perfect day blooming in front of her. They approach the castle and Brooke gasps.

“I’ve been here before!” she exclaims. “I think I was 9, maybe?” She rubs hard at her temples, trying to force the memories to come, and Vanessa is about to ease her hands away and tell her it’s alright if she can’t remember when Brooke claps. “The train ride! There’s a roller coaster like a train! Can we go on it?”

“Of course we can,” Vanessa laughs. “You’ll like Splash Mountain too. That one was my favorite. It’s a water ride.”

“You go in the giant log!” Brooke shrieks. “I remember!” And she grabs Vanessa’s hand and they wade through old memories as they make new ones.

They get matching ears and stuff themselves with so many mouse-shaped foods that Vanessa almost hurls on Thunder Mountain, which Brooke drags her on three times in a row.

They have to dial back their strength before they break the wheel on the teacup ride, and Vanessa may or may not speed past some screaming 5-year-olds to get a front row seat on Splash Mountain, a decision she regrets slightly after the mammoth order of chili cheese fries she and Brooke split.

She can’t remember the last time she felt so carefree, so weightless. She thinks she could actually float away. Brooke is by her side, slurping at her second ice cream cone (sometimes Vanessa thought the ice powers were scarily accurate), and there’s nowhere she’d rather be, no one whose arm she’d rather have around her shoulders on the It’s a Small World ride.

That night she kisses Brooke as red and blue fireworks soar and fizzle in the black sky over the castle, and just like on their wedding day, the explosions of joy inside her rival any in the sky. —

They come back home and resettle into life as a married couple. It’s honestly not that much different than it was before. They volunteer at the animal shelter together again, cats and dogs licking at their hands. They make dinner together, looking for any excuse to bump shoulders or brush arms as garlic is chopped and spaghetti boils. They wedge themselves into the couch with all three pets, Vanessa flicking through channels while Brooke flips through cookbooks. They go to bed with limbs intertwined, difficult to tell where one ends and the other begins.

They fulfill their vows everyday. Brooke insists on patrolling when she isn’t feeling well, and Vanessa tucks her into bed that night and spends the next day swirling honey into tea to soothe her throat, simmering chicken soup, and laying cold washcloths on her sweaty forehead. Vanessa gets deep into it with a villain going after a young girl, fists flying and rage burning, and Brooke cleans all her cuts and spreads cream on her bruises and massages her aching muscles, helping the anger ease out on a wave of gratitude that the girl wasn’t harmed.

They each go to Nina, and Brooke dutifully takes her medication every morning. Progress takes time and isn’t always in one direction, Nina reminds them both as they continue to heal.

They zip through damp spring air, Frost maintaining her death grip on the handle, Yvie with her legs draped across Scarlet’s lap in the backseat while they hold hands, Vanjie howling out the window on their way to another crime.

People come up to them and deliver sincere thank you’s thick with tears, two young kids throw their arms around all four of them in turn, and for all the joking and griping, for all the fears and doubts, they know that keeping people safe makes it all worth it.

That battling supervillains and battling your personal villains equally make you a hero. —

Brooke reads her file again, piece by piece. She knows to do it with Vanessa or Nina, after she read it alone one day and wound up on the bedroom floor, knees to her chest, the tide of panic so strong and swift she couldn’t fight as it overtook her and stole the air from her lungs.

She learns that she was an only child and that her parents died when she was 20, a few months before she began dancing professionally. She started in on the business side of the company six years later, working her way up, and was the youngest co-director in the company’s history, her heart filling with disbelief and a long-ago pride as she reads, Vanessa’s steady hand on her shoulder grounding her.

The nightmares aren’t as frequent, and she gets occasional flashes of her life pre-lab, sometimes just a random image, like a photograph floating through her mind. Sitting at a desk doing homework, her tiny hand clutching a stuffed monkey, a glittering gold dance trophy, smiling in her black graduation robe.

She still gets big ones, flashbacks that feel like they last for days, depleting her energy while the horror of memory traps her in its grasp, helpless until it ends. She manages them easier now, knows to lie down afterwards and let her body and mind rest.

She decides to tell Yvie and Scarlet what happened. Nina said it was her information to share, and she wants to share it. Brooke trusts them, and she’s pretty positive they won’t pity her or think any less of her, and they don’t. They both shed tears and give her big hugs and say how happy they are that she’s healing now.

Ra’jah said that with all the complicated drugs the lab gave her, most of them advanced and untested, it’s likely she won’t regain all her memories, and Brooke is genuinely okay with it. After over a year of being locked in a cage she didn’t know was a cage, not knowing the happiness she was being denied, not even knowing her own name, any memories at all are special and enough for her. She writes down her flashes and dreams and revisits them, focuses on the memories and the delight, or sorrow, or nerves she might have felt at the time.

And every day, she makes new memories. Memories of blowing flour at Vanessa across the kitchen. Memories of slow-dancing in the living room at midnight, heartbeats replacing words. Memories of Vanessa tripping over Apollo after said slow-dance, both of them laughing till they cried, sharing crinkly-eyed grins.

Just like Nina told her to do in one of their first sessions, she lists things she does know.

She knows that she is in a much better place than she was a year ago, both mentally and physically.

She knows her parents loved her in the flashes she gets, even if she doesn’t remember completely.

She knows she has friends that love and support her.

She knows she loves Vanessa, and Vanessa loves her.

She knows that she will continue to do the best she can. —

Vanessa knows something’s up when Brooke picks at her food and excuses herself right after dinner, but she’s not sure what until Brooke emerges from the bedroom with her pointe shoes on, brow furrowed and teeth digging into her bottom lip.

“Vanessa, I…I want to show you. I want to dance for you.”

Vanessa has wanted to see Brooke dance since Christmas, but she didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to put that pressure on her.

They move the coffee table and Vanessa seats herself on the couch while Brooke stands, eyes on her feet. Her shoulders rise up and down twice, then she nods to herself, and starts to move.

Vanessa remembers when they used to fight, when Brooke’s fighting techniques were so graceful and elegant that Vanessa thought she seemed out of place as a fighter, like her body should be doing something else. Now, she knows exactly what that something is.

Brooke spins and twirls and jumps and Vanessa’s eyes are wide, forcing herself not to blink because she doesn’t want to miss a second. Brooke moves so exquisitely, so beautifully, that their living room transforms into a stage and her leggings and T-shirt become a delicately sewn costume. Vanessa is lucky just to take her beauty in.

Whatever nerves Brooke was showing melt away. Her eyes are bright and focused, not a hint of hesitation in her movements. It’s the most confident Vanessa has ever seen her.

She makes it look so natural, so easy, though Vanessa knows if she tried it she’d be flat on her ass with a broken ankle.

Her eyes have the same sparkle as when they went to the ballet last week: like a missing part of her had been found again. —

Brooke’s not sure when, but at some point while she dances, she stops thinking and simply lives. There’s no couch, no walls, no ceiling to box her in or imprison her. Even Vanessa fades into the background. There’s no thought of what move is next, no consideration of what criminals she’ll stop later; it’s just the air flowing around her, existing solely to whoosh past her limbs as she goes up on her toes and spins around, and it feels like flying.

She’s been practicing in their room, studying YouTube videos and observing herself in the mirror, but out here is different. She has the space to roam, and she’s not going cross-eyed staring into the mirror looking for her flaws.

She just lets herself go, lets herself be.

Nina was right. Even though she’s not perfect, it doesn’t matter; she feels each stretch in her muscles, mind quiet and calm as her body takes over, every atom of her being alight with pleasure. She didn’t need to be perfect. She just needed to be free.

She finishes with a flourish and a deep breath, oxygen going in and intensifying the good ache deep in her muscles, and Vanessa bursts into applause.

Heat floods her cheeks. “You liked it?”

“Liked it?” Vanessa scoffs. “That was incredible, Mary!”

“I just-” A sob swallows Brooke’s response, cheeks damp without warning. She can’t explain it, wouldn’t even know how to start. There truly aren’t any words; the closest she can manage is a bird spreading its wings for the first time, nothing to hold it back.

Vanessa rubs her back in understanding. “You don’t gotta talk. Just let yourself feel it.” She takes Brooke’s hand. “I’ve never seen anything like that. Seriously, Brooke.”

It’s like the lab’s chains never even bound her.

It’s like a part of her she thought gone forever has come back to her. —

“I’ve been thinking of working with A’Keria,” Vanessa admits one night, head on Brooke’s chest and arm around her waist, stroking her hip.

“Instead of at the base, you mean?” Brooke questions.

She nods against Brooke’s skin. “She said the woman who owns the salon is looking for someone to do make-up, and that’s what I used to do, you know? I mean, working at the base is great, but I think I need a bit of a change.”

The base is calm, and predictable, and she had needed that stability when she first got her powers and was readjusting to the world. But now she’s ready for more, something besides reviewing case records and running daytime city monitors.

“I think that’s a great idea.”

“You do?” Vanessa had thought so herself, but it also seemed like too big of an idea to think was good on your own; the kind of idea where you wanted to see what someone else thought of it.

“Yeah. If you want to do it, I think you should.” Brooke’s voice is enthusiastic, fingers twirling Vanessa’s hair.

“I think I will.” She pauses before her mouth opens again. “Have you thought about leaving the base, doing a different day job? Maybe you could work at a ballet studio or something?”

Brooke is silent and Vanessa holds her breath. Brooke’s been doing great lately, especially with her meds, but changing jobs is a big deal for anyone and maybe she shouldn’t have asked.

“I’ve talked about it with Nina before,” Brooke answers right as Vanessa is about to tell her she doesn’t have to. “I…I think I’d like to. Eventually. I know I’d have to work on it with Nina. I mean, the last job I had was 2 years ago and I barely remember it, and I’d have to do interviews and stuff and just thinking about it makes my stomach hurt-”

“Hey, hey, just breathe,” Vanessa soothes, feeling Brooke’s chest tighten and her heart take off beneath her. “I know that would be hard for you. You don’t have to be in any rush. You just be you. If you decide to change, I’ll be here to help you. If not, I’m here too. I’ll always be here.”

Brooke’s lips are soft against her temple. They fall asleep quickly, and she calls the salon the next morning. —

“Are you sure you want Vanessa to teach you to drive?” Yvie asks, fixing Brooke a pointed stare as she sips orange juice.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Vanessa demands across the table.

Scarlet pipes up. “Well, we drive around with you in that death trap of a car every night-”

“I know how to drive,” Brooke insists. “I just haven’t done it in a while.”

The lab gave her a motorcycle to use on her missions and to go to her appointments, though they sometimes drove her home in a security car depending on how out of it she was after the drugs hit.

“Vanessa’s a decent driver,” A’Keria starts.

“Thank y-”

“If your only other option is walking,” A’Keria finishes around a mouthful of toast.

“Hey!”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Brooke cuts in. “I mean, I just want to go to the grocery store, not-”

“Drive for NASCAR?” Silk snorts.

Vanessa takes her to an empty lot that afternoon. Brooke keeps readjusting her sweaty hands on the wheel. The last time she’d driven had been in a downpour, her worried focus enabling her to see through raindrops and her own teary, bloodshot eyes, to get Vanessa from the cemetery Brooke knew she went to when she was upset.

“You gotta take your foot off the brake,” Vanessa instructs softly.

“I know, I know. I’m just…nervous.”

“Nothing to be nervous for, baby. I won’t let anything bad happen.”

Brooke nods and eases onto the gas. She breathes in and out as the car glides across the pavement. It’s…okay. Sure, they’re going about 15 miles an hour, but she finds her grip loosening as she makes easy turns and changes directions.

“You’re doing great!” Vanessa encourages. “Maybe I’ll open up a driving school!” —-

“We really do have cake for everything, don’t we?” Scarlet muses. “Brooke’s like a lesbian Martha Stewart.”

“Bold of you to assume Martha Stewart isn’t already a lesbian,” Yvie murmurs thoughtfully.

“I didn’t see you complaining over those tree cupcakes for Arbor Day,” Silk states.

Vanessa digs into the chocolate cake, her leg nestling against Brooke’s under the table. She just started at the salon that day and Brooke wanted to have pizza and cake for her, spending the afternoon on caramel filling and cream cheese frosting.

It’s only been a day, but she already knows she loves it there, feels some of the old Vanessa peeking through, delighting in the salon gossip with A’Keria and the other girls and helping her clients feel good. And the best part is, she’s just Vanessa. No one knows about Vanjie, and she can focus on powders and lipsticks instead of weapons and fighting tactics.

It’s comforting to know the old Vanessa isn’t entirely gone. —

“There’s, um, there’s a job opening at this ballet studio. The same one that did the show Vanessa and I went to,” Brooke explains.

“And you’re interested in it?” Nina prompts.

“Well, maybe I could- I mean,” she sighs and starts again. “I want to. I-I think I might be able to, but I would need some help. Is that okay?”

“Brooke, that’s wonderful! I do think you could take on something like this, and we can talk about anything you’re fearful of or think you need help with. This is a big step and I’m proud of you. I want to tell you that again, Brooke. I’m very proud of the progress you’ve made. I know it hasn’t been easy for you, but you’ve worked so hard and you deserve to be proud of yourself.” Nina’s voice washes over Brooke and her insides heat up.

“You really think so?” Brooke asks, grin breaking free.

“I know so,” Nina affirms. “Think of how far you’ve come. Remember our first session?”

Brooke did, face flushing at the memory. Even though she knew Nina wasn’t that kind of doctor and Vanessa promised Nina wouldn’t hurt her, Brooke sunk into the chair with her knees against her chest and her head down, and Vanessa had stayed outside the door just in case. But Nina had been kind, and told Brooke to use her first name instead of Dr. West, and by the end of the hour, Brooke was at least able to lift her head up.

“Yeah.”

Nina smiles. “You hardly talked. But look how much more comfortable you are now. I know you still have days that don’t go as well as you’d like, but you’re still here, and you keep working. Have pride in that, okay?”

Brooke nods because she can’t speak around the lump in her throat. Brooke has felt the changes in herself, but to have someone else, someone like Nina, notice and tell her she’s doing well, is a kind of pride Brooke can’t describe.

“Oh, and Brooke?”

“Yeah?”

“Speaking of progress, do you remember when I asked you to try not to apologize when you’re here?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, it’s been an hour, and you didn’t apologize once.”

Brooke’s eyes narrow and all she can do is stare at Nina in disbelief, rifling through her words from the past hour. Sure enough, she can’t remember an apology passing her lips.

For just a second, Brooke almost apologizes for not apologizing, I’m sorry’s second nature to her.

Brooke closes her mouth, suppressing the reflex, as Nina’s words sink in. It may have taken over 6 months from when Nina asked, but she did it.

Progress takes time, Nina always said, and while some small part of Brooke thinks something like this shouldn’t have taken so long, she knows not to measure herself with shoulds and shouldn’ts. Her progress is her progress.

Her face spreads into a wide smile. “That’s, um, that’s good then,” Brooke manages.

Nina smiles back. “It sure is.” —

Vanessa’s been at the salon a month now, thriving like a summer flower after a cold winter. Her body is strong and focused, and with Nina’s blessing, she starts doing monthly therapy sessions instead of weekly ones.

She nuzzles against Brooke one night and cautiously slips her hand under Brooke’s shirt. Usually Brooke would go rigid when Vanessa got too close to her scars. One time she even pushed her hand away, like she was ashamed of them.

But tonight, she doesn’t. She tenses the tiniest bit, but then the muscles relax again. “It’s okay,” Brooke murmurs, and Vanessa sets her fingers, warm with love, over Brooke’s icy skin.

Her fingers brush over the tiny one between her ribs, then the one below it, the one Vanessa stitched herself after Brooke took a bullet for her on the night that they- and the life they have- began. She warms the one just above her waist, where the doctor shot her.

And then her hand roams up to the big one, the thick, raised line that starts at the hollow of Brooke’s chest and runs to her abdomen; based on her file, this is how they’d repaired the internal damage she sustained in the crash.

She knows Brooke has always been torn about her scars, much like Vanessa is about the one she got from the lightning strike. They are permanent reminders, etched on skin, that they suffered through things no one ever should. But they’re also signs that they survived those things, that they’re still living.

She rests her hand over Brooke’s heart, the gentle beat calming beneath her hand. Instead of telling Brooke that the scars make no difference to her, that they don’t make her any less worthy of love, she lets her hand speak as it warms Brooke’s body, hoping Brooke understands that Vanessa loves her no matter what.

The knowing look in her green eyes says that she does, and Brooke slides her hand up Vanessa’s shirt, stopping at her hip. Vanessa nods, and goosebumps form as Brooke’s hand smooths over the small pink scar on her chest before settling on her heart.

They just lay there, arms tangled up, hands on each other’s hearts, pulsing against their touches.

It reminds her of their first night together, no need to talk as their touches exuded more love than words could ever describe, as their hands delicately explored each other’s faces, unaware that the lips and noses and cheeks they were touching would soon become familiar terrain.

Unaware that they would soon come to recognize the sound of each other’s breathing.

Unaware how big a space they would soon occupy in each other’s hearts. —

The July night is warm, and they had looked at the calendar that morning and realized it was one year. One year since Brooke was released from her hospital bed after being shot, one year since Vanessa took her home and they began their new lives together, free from the lab.

One year, and things are still changing. Vanessa got promoted to head make-up artist at the salon, and in two weeks Brooke starts assisting the director of a ballet company, taking the first step to get where she would like to be someday. Silk took care of the paperwork, replaced all her personal documents the lab had stolen; Nina spent weeks with her practicing interview skills and ensuring she felt ready to work outside the base; and Vanessa supported her the whole way, rubbing her back when she threw up from nerves the morning of her interview and insisting on a pizza party when Brooke got the job.

The city shines below, bright lights beaming, so dazzling they almost made you forget the crimes occurring below. Crimes they were going to stop.

They settle on the blanket Vanessa’s laid on the rooftop, suits on but masks off, still Brooke and Vanessa, as she unpacks the basket, laying out marshmallows, chocolate bars, and graham crackers.

“S’mores?” Brooke asks uncertainly.

“S’mores, baby!”

“But there’s no fi-ohhh.”

Vanessa winks. “This is one of the best perks of fire powers. I kept forgetting to show you.” She dangles a marshmallow above the small flame flickering in her hand, watching as the skin crackles to a crisp golden brown before laying it on top of the chocolate and forming a perfect s’more.

Brooke takes it in her eager hands as Vanessa whips up another for herself, arranging potato chips on top, and they laugh as marshmallow clings to their lips, trading sugary kisses to get it off.

“Vanessa, I love you,” Brooke says. “I love you so much, and I don’t know if I told you today, so I want to say it now and make sure you know.”

Vanessa reaches over and takes her hand. “I love you too, baby. So, so much. And you better know it too.”

Their lips meet again, Brooke’s hands resting on Vanessa’s hips and Vanessa’s hands stroking Brooke’s back, love bursting off them in sparks. No matter how many times they’ve kissed, each one is special in its own way, like a snowflake.

“Got a report of breaking and entering at the department store on 13th,” comes the voice in their ears.

“What’s a kiss without Silk to interrupt it?” Vanessa mumbles.

They reach in one for one last kiss, one last blend of sweet chocolate and sticky marshmallow, of fire and ice, before reaching for their masks.

They traipse down the ladder and Vanjie revs up Bertha. Frost extends her arm and they lock hands over the center console.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

Vanjie tears away from the curb and they head deeper into the city, chasing the moonlight that shines on them both, each of them thinking how beautiful the other looks with the moon in her hair.

They both know they won’t be able to do this forever, that eventually a day will come when they have to hang up the masks. And when they do, they might pick up the phone and call a child adoption agency. Hopefully by then they’ll have the cozy little house they’re saving for, with flowers and a vegetable garden in the back.

But that’s the future. A future neither thought they could have, but one they can make happen.

Together.

For now, they have lives to live and memories to make.

They have each other.

And they’ve got a city to save. —

Post-Credits Scene Years Later

“These are the flowers we’re gonna give Mommy,” Vanessa instructs Lily, wiping frosting from the cupcakes Brooke made off her lip. “It’s her first show as the director and we want it to be special, right?”

“Right!” Lily agrees. “Wanna hold ‘em! I a big girl, Mama.” She flashes the brilliant grin Vanessa has seen every day since they adopted her three years ago, and Vanessa knows she’ll never tire of it.

Vanessa smiles. “You are a big girl, huh? You can hold them.” She bends down and puts the bright bouquet in her daughter’s tiny hands. “I’m gonna get Mommy, okay?”

“Okay!”

Vanessa knows exactly where Brooke is going to be: their bedroom, staring out the window at the garden. Her favorite place to think.

Brooke’s shoulders rise up and down evenly, and Vanessa knows she’s doing her breathing techniques. The sun shines off her short blonde hair, and she fills out her black suit so well it should be illegal. The sight of her still makes Vanessa’s body warm and her heart flutter, even years later.

“You okay?” Vanessa asks, taking Brooke’s hand. “You were quiet during dinner.”

Brooke nods, and her eyes are damp. “Yeah. Just…thinking about how lucky we are. You and A’Keria running the salon now, and me directing the company, and Lily…we’ve come a long way, haven’t we?”

“We sure have.” It hasn’t been an easy road for either of them, but it’s taken them places they never thought they could go, given them things they never thought they could have.

“Have I told you today how much I love you?” Brooke asks.

Vanessa nods. “You sure did, baby. And I love you too. Don’t you forget it.”

Vanessa stretches up and kisses Brooke, and it still feels like the first time.

The kiss is interrupted by Lily’s hand tugging on Vanessa’s dress. She thrusts the flowers at Brooke, whose tears fall harder as she accepts them.

“Are you sad, Mommy?” Lily asks.

“No, baby, I’m not sad. I’m really, really happy.” Brooke scoops Lily up, and the little girl is sandwiched between Brooke and Vanessa in a hug.

“A’Keria and the others are gonna meet us,” Vanessa reminds Brooke. “You ready?”

“Ready.” Brooke nods.

“Ready!” Lily shouts.

They pile in the car, and this time, they’re not racing to stop a criminal. This time, they’re riding to live their lives.

And it is every bit as heroic.

[naruseii]

Com-Myu-nity survey!

I was tagged by @missemperor to do this hella long survey so here are my answers!! I tag anyone who wants to do this!

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1. What is your hobby? 

I draw and do cosplay! And I guess making Myu reviews counts too?

2. What is your special skill? 

I don’t really think I have any special skills?? Unless you consider my (most of the time) fast reflexes and how my left index finger makes a little click when I bend it :0 .

3. What are your strengths and weaknesses?

I guess my strengths are in my artistic abilities and my way of speaking?? Like the way I handle words and such. And I think giving advice is also one of my strengths. My weaknesses I guess are my wavering faith/belief in myself and how self deprecating I can be at times. Yeah I think that’s all :0 .

4. What is your favorite color?

I actually don’t have one favorite color so I’ll just list colors/color combos I like:

-Red, blue and white -Pink, blue/teal and purple (with either gold or silver accents) (and maybe white)

-Midnight blue

5. What is your favorite animal? 

I really like birds but sometimes dolphins are pretty neat :^ .

6. Which food are you into lately? 

Ice cream and cup noodles (not together) I think...I’m not really sure, I eat too much R.I.P .

7. What is a thing you never lose to anyone?

I think it’s my pride/dignity. I know, it’s a pretty bold answer but I honestly can’t think of anything else? And I can’t really think of a time where I crashed and burned so hard that I lost either one of those things. 

8. What is your most treasured item? 

I have too many treasured items but I’d think letters I received from friends and my parents are my most treasured.

9. What is your cooking specialty? 

I don’t really cook so I’m not really sure :^( .

10. What is the thing you want the most at the moment? 

To de-stress and to be happy/enjoy myself.

11. What is the thing you are most scared of? 

Death...

12. What is the thing you were happy about this year? 

I’m happy that I got to become closer to some people and I was able to make new friends!! I’m also happy that I got to step out of my comfort zone at times and I got to experience a whole lot of stuff this year.

13. What is the thing you were sad about this year? 

Oh there’s a lot but, I don’t wanna mention that on here.

14. What is the thing you regretted this year? 

I guess I had some missed opportunities but there are just too many things to mention.

15. What is the thing you were angry about this year? 

Too many to mention.

16. What is the job that gave you a sense of fulfillment this year? 

I’m still a student so I don’t have a job but, I joined my school’s diplomatic services so I guess that’s it!

17. What has changed about you since you entered the com-myu-nity? 

I think my confidence has gone up, especially with making new friends. I think my writing and observational abilities got a bit better too since I started making Myu reviews.

18. Which character would you play in myu? 

For an Inner Senshi, I’d love to play Jupiter or Venus. For an Outer Senshi, I’d love to play Pluto or Saturn. As for villains, I’d love to play Zoisite or Black Lady. But to be honest if I were given any role I didn’t mention, it would be pretty interesting!!

19. If you were to form a collab now, who would it be with? 

Uhhhhh I’m not sure if this is meant for the com-myu-nity or not but if it is then I’m still not sure because I’d love to collab with anyone!!

20. What do you love about Sera Myu nowadays? 

I love how it’s still ongoing and how it never fails to charm people. Sure some people prefer the older Myus than new or it’s the other way around but, I think most people get a certain charm from both sides which makes the world of Myu so fun to be in.

21. Which cast member catches your attention the most at the moment? 

A cast member that always catches my attention is Hikari of course but at the moment it’s any of the actresses I follow on Instagram. I don’t really have one in particular because every time they post, it definitely catches my attention.

22. Which cast member would you want as your significant other? 

AW GEE I WONDER WHO. My forever love Hikari of course ;v; .

23. If you were to marry a cast member, who would it be? 

Same answer as mentioned above :^) .

24. If you would go to a deserted island, which cast member would you like to go with you? 

Wow these questions are so specific. I honestly don’t know?? I mean, I would say Hikari but I feel like I’m putting her in too many random situations with myself lmao so maybe I’d bring Momoko (Okuyama). She’d be super fun to be with!!

25. If you were born again, which cast member would you like to be? 

Hmm, I’m not really sure. Maybe Anza?? I wanna see how it feels to have a nice voice and to do all sorts of dance moves and of course, how it feels to be Sailor Moon!!

26. Which Sera Myu production would you want to be a part of? 

Maybe Saturn Fukkatsu? Because of all the circus stuff?? But maybe a Stars Myu like StarsK or Le Mouvment Final because Stars is such a fun and emotional arc I just, aaaaaaaaaaaaaa. If you haven’t noticed by now, I’m very indecisive on most of the questions.

27. If you were to create your own kingdom, what kind of country would you want it to be? 

A peaceful one where all people get along and see each others as equals. One where people can enjoy their lives to the fullest.

28. What is an interesting book or manga you read recently? 

The Promised Neverland!! Still not done reading it though.

29. What is an interesting movie you watched recently? 

I haven’t watched any movies recently :^( .

30. What is your favorite Sera Myu song at the moment? 

I haven’t listened to much Myu music as of recent but I always love listening to La Soldier. :>

31. What is your favorite Sera Myu song choreography at the moment? 

I never really had a favorite choreography but the one I keep thinking of now is the one for Honoo no Messenger because of that one TLC clip lmao.

32. What is your favorite Sera Myu costume at the moment? 

Eternal Sailor Moon (both Bandai and Nelke).

33. What is your favorite Myu at the moment? 

I’ve only seen the First Stage so far (and I still have to watch EienK aaaaaa) but my favorite is Stars Kaiteiban/StarsK!!

34. What is your favorite Myu cast? 

Stuck between Saturn Fukkatsu and StarsK...

35. Is there something you say a lot recently? 

Frick, yeehaw, o and heck.

36. What would you do if you could plan a Fan Kansha? 

I’m really not sure of this since I’ve never planned events except for birthdays. I think I’d just keep it as it is?? Well in terms of what’s in the event at least. But maybe I would add in some stuff for engagement with foreign fans? So at least they’ll be able to participate/enjoy the event somehow.

37. What do you hope to see Sera Myu doing in the future?

I hope to see them branching out more to their international audience. They’re beginning to do that with the Super Live but hopefully they do the same with other productions. And I hope they have more audience engagement like Bandai Myu’s Fan Kanshas.

38. What kind of person do you want to be in 5 years? 

I want to be a person that I’d be satisfied with. I hope that I’ll be happy where I am and I have some kind of fulfillment. 

39. What has been a memorable concert or event this year? 

I’ve only been to one concert in my entire life but I think the most memorable event I’ve had so far this year was my very first sleepover with my friends!!

40. What do you want to do in your private life this year? 

Relax I guess?? I don’t know, I haven’t thought about it especially since I hardly get to do anything because of school.

41. What kind of job would you like to do in the future? 

I’d wanna be an animator or a psychologist! And if those don’t work out then I just wanna be a freelance artist :^) .

42. Do you have a hairstyle you would like to try in the future? 

I’d really wanna try and get an undercut.

43. What Sera Myu merchandise would you love to have?

Hm, maybe the Bandai Myu box sets? Or maybe just DVDs in general. Oh and posters too!! I also wanna get a light stick :0 . A.K.A I want too much ;v; .

44. Where would you want Sera Myu to come to? 

It would be really nice if Sera Myu was a global thing but, I really hope they come here to the Philippines!! Whether it’s at a con or an actual stage performance, I just really wanna see one/see the cast ;v; .

45. If you could have a holiday with any cast member, what do you want to do? 

Same answer as questions 22 and 23. (A.K.A Hikari) ((this is edited because I realized I didn’t even answer the question properly but hanging out is just fine!!))

46. Please say something to your favorite cast member.

Oh gosh uh this is very sudden but!! Keep doing what you’re doing!! I love reading your posts even though I can’t understand majority of them and some really do concern me :’^) . I’m lov u vv much pls remember that and I only hope for the best for u!! 

[splendidlyimperfect]

Gray hasn’t seen Natsu in years - not since he moved away with his boyfriend Joel and Natsu stopped texting him. A chance run-in at a bar brings Natsu back into Gray’s life, but the encounter puts Gray in danger when Joel finds out. Natsu quickly realizes that Gray’s stuck in a cycle of violence, and wants to help him escape. But leaving isn’t that easy, and sometimes loving someone might not be enough. 

Chapter Summary: The holidays are stressful, but Gray's learning how to cope. 

  Chapters (23/24):  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11| 12| 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17| 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Gray Fullbuster/Original Male Character(s) Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rape Aftermath, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Natsu just wants to help, but Gray feels like he can’t leave, Non-Linear Narrative, Trans Character, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, ftlgbtpride2019, Coming Out, First Love, Angst with a Happy Ending, I promise Series: Part 1 of i'm still standing

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love is a game we deserve to play out loud

be·lief | \ bə-ˈlēf noun : a state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or thing

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xxii december

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Some things get better, some things get worse, and some things stay the same.

Gray and Natsu are both still staying with Sting and Rogue, which is more comfortable than Gray expected it to be. He’d planned on going back with Natsu after Joel’s trial, but the idea of being alone in an apartment with someone – even if that someone is Natsu – is terrifying. Here, Gray’s never alone, and for now, that’s what he needs.

He tries to go back to work. Lucy cries with relief when she sees him, and when they hug, Gray suddenly realizes how much he’d missed her. It’s nice to spend time with her in the break room – even if they don’t talk about what happened – but the work is too much. There are too many loud noises and too many people accidentally touching him, and when Gray calls Natsu to pick him up halfway through the shift, he wants to cry.

Everyone tells him that it’s okay, that he’s healing and can take all the time he needs. They’re so patient with him that he wants to scream.

“I don’t understand,” he tells his therapist when he’s curled up on her couch with a cushion pressed to his chest. “I should… I feel like I should be happy that they’re so nice, but I just get angry.”

He’s angry so often that it scares him. Sometimes he screams into the pillow and cries until he falls asleep. Other times he digs his fingernails into his palms or bites the inside of his lip until it bleeds. More often than he’d like, he yells at people – snapping in frustration and then locking himself away when the guilt hits him like a wave.

Nobody ever yells back, and sometimes he wants them to.

Continue reading on AO3

“You’re pushing,” his therapist says. “You want to see how much it will take for them to snap and hurt you, because that’s what you’re used to.”

Gray’s cheeks burn with shame because she’s right. He should be thanking them, should be grateful, but instead he tests the waters.

Sometimes he doesn’t do the dishes when he says he will, but Rogue just does them instead, or gently asks Gray to help while he’s making supper. Other times he leaves his clothes on the floor, and instead of yelling, Natsu just piles them on his pillow and teases him about it when he tries to go to bed. One time, when Gray is making breakfast, he burns the toast on purpose, but Natsu eats it as if nothing’s wrong, even thanking Gray and kissing him on the forehead.

“You’re re-learning boundaries,” his therapist tells him. “It takes time.”

And everyone else is trying, so Gray does too. On good days he goes for walks with Natsu and Bella, or plays chess with Rogue, or helps Sting with shoveling and cleaning the garage and hanging the Christmas lights. It feels good to be useful – like he’s doing something right instead of wasting everyone’s efforts on him.

The holidays are chaotic and a bit overwhelming. Erza and Jellal visit for Hanukkah, and then Sting invites Lucy and the twins for Christmas dinner. Gray tries his best – he wants to be okay, wants to feel like everything is fine – but he ends up spending a lot of the time holed up in the guest room with Bella.

“You’re surviving,” Rogue says one afternoon. It’s the day after Christmas, and the two of them are sitting on the steps of the front porch, drinking hot chocolate while Sting and Natsu wrestle each other in the snow.

“Yeah,” Gray says quietly. He watches Natsu shove a handful of snow down the back of Sting’s shirt, laughing as Sting retaliates by pushing Natsu’s head into the snowbank. Bella barks at them, dancing around their battle and wagging her tail enthusiastically.

“You being here…” Rogue runs his finger around the rim of his mug. “It’s helping Sting.”

Gray frowns, looking over at Rogue. “Helping?”

“Mm.” Rogue’s knee bumps Gray’s. “He deals pretty well, but sometimes it gets to him – especially around the holidays. Having you here makes it a bit easier because he knows you understand. And I think that… for him, helping other people makes him feel like he’s in control of how he’s feeling, even just a little bit.”

“Oh.” The words wash over Gray, turning his cheeks pink and making something spark inside of him – something he hasn’t felt in a while. He’s pretty sure it’s pride.

Maybe he can do more than be a burden after all.

-----

Gray kisses Natsu on New Year’s Eve.

It’s been a good day – Gray helped Rogue make waffles for breakfast, and then the four of them spent the day on the couch watching the ‘Doctor Who’ Christmas Special. Sting and Rogue left not long ago to watch the fireworks downtown, so Natsu and Gray are lying on the couch, facing each other while the countdown to the new year plays on the TV in the background.

There’s something about it that makes Gray feel hopeful.

“I feel like…” Gray hesitates. “It’s stupid because it’s so fucking arbitrary, like it’s just this day, nothing special, but… I want it to be different?”

“That’s not stupid,” Natsu says, propping himself up on one elbow and studying Gray’s face. Over Natsu’s shoulder, Gray can see the announcer getting ready to count down the seconds until midnight.

Maybe nothing will change, he thinks. But maybe everything can.

“I want to be better,” he says, reaching out and playing with the strings on Natsu’s hoodie. “I’m sorry I’m angry all the time.”

“It’s okay,” Natsu says, ducking his head until Gray looks into his eyes. He’s grinning at Gray and has a little bit of icing from the cake they’d eaten earlier smeared on his bottom lip. He’s so close, and Gray reaches out, swiping his thumb over Natsu’s it.

“You… had s-some—”

Gray’s stammering is cut short by the countdown that starts on the TV. He sees it from the corner of his eye – thousands of people crowded outside in mittens and toques, dusted with snow, taking a breath in anticipation of something new.

“…three …two … one – Happy New Year!”

Gray’s hand is still on Natsu’s cheek, and it seems perfectly natural to lean in and kiss him.

Natsu melts against Gray’s lips and it feels just like they did when they were sixteen, sitting at the lake under the stars, tiny fireworks exploding in Gray’s chest. Gray slides his fingers up into Natsu’s hair, pulling him closer until they’re touching everywhere – chest, thighs, knees, ankles. Natsu makes a quiet sound that’s almost pleading as he runs his hand down Gray’s arm, and Gray tips his head, breathing Natsu in as he kisses him harder, running his tongue along Natsu’s bottom lip.

Then Natsu’s hand moves to Gray’s hip and suddenly he’s pinned to the bed, hands tugging at his jeans, heart pounding and feeling like he’s going to die. His fingers tighten in Natsu’s hair as he flinches, pulling away from the kiss and wrapping his other arm around himself.

“Shit, Gray, I’m so sorry,” Natsu says, immediately moving his hand away and pushing himself up until he’s sitting. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t ha—”

“Fuck,” Gray whispers, pulling away from Natsu and pushing himself back into the corner of the couch where he can pull his legs up against his chest and hide his burning cheeks. The panic is quickly boiling into an overwhelming mix of frustration and embarrassment that makes Gray feel sick.

Natsu isn’t Joel. Natsu is sweet and kind and so fucking patient, and he deserves better than the broken pieces Gray has to offer.

“Gray, look at me.” Natsu’s whispered plea breaks through the racing thoughts and Gray shakes his head, keeping his face buried in his arms. “I’m so sorry, I—”

“No, I…” Gray’s crying again and he can’t fucking stop. “That was st-stupid, I’m—I didn’t—” His chest is tight and he can’t quite breathe; mind stuck between being pinned against the wall and behind held gently in Natsu’s arms. “I… I…”

“Gray, take a deep breath with me, okay?” Natsu’s hands move to rest lightly over Gray’s and he tenses but doesn’t push Natsu away. “It’s okay. Nobody’s angr—”

“I’m angry!” Gray shouts, pushing Natsu’s hands away and rubbing his face. “I hate this, I hate myself, I c-can’t—it’s never going to be better and I’m so fucking sick of, of…”

He runs out of breath and inhales shakily, expecting Natsu to interrupt him – to disagree, to comfort, to tell him he’s wrong and everything will be okay. But Natsu doesn’t say anything. He just sits across from Gray with his hand out between them, letting Gray decide what he wants.

“I’m sorry,” Gray whispers as the anger dissipates again. The hot flush has moved from his cheeks down to the back of his neck and across his chest.  

“Gray,” Natsu says gently. “Don’t be sorry. Please don’t be sorry.” Gray rubs his eyes with the heels of his palms and curls up tighter against himself. “I don’t want you to think that I didn’t want it.”

Gray peeks up at Natsu, and the familiar smile on Natsu’s face melts a bit of the frustration. “You…”

Natsu reaches out his hand again, and this time Gray takes it. “I’m…” Natsu hesitates, licking his lips. “God, I’m trying so hard to do the rights things and say the right things, and I just—I never want you to feel like you have to do anything with me.” He stares down at their joined hands. “I don’t know if it’s… right? Or if I should tell you these things, but I want to be honest, okay?”

Gray nods, squeezing Natsu’s hand tightly.

“I love you, Gray.” Natsu looks up at him, eyes wet with tears. “I have for a long, long time and I never stopped. And I want to be here for you in whatever way you need, okay?” Gray gives him a tiny nod. “But… I do want to kiss you. I want—god, I want that, I want to be with you, but I don’t want to push you, and… I don’t think you’re ready.”

Gray reaches out and wipes away the tears that are spilling from Natsu’s eyes, trying to push down the guilt in his chest that says, you did this, you made him cry.

“I’m not ready,” Gray says softly. “I… I want to, w-want you, but I…”

“That’s okay,” Natsu says, shifting a bit closer, body open like a question until Gray gives him an answer and curls up under his arm. “It’s only been a month, and… Gray, what he did to you was horrible. Not just…” He stumbles a bit over the words, and Gray can see the uncertainty on his face.

“I know,” Gray says. He’s starting to know, anyway.

Natsu sighs, pulling Gray close and kissing the top of his head. “He hurt you—abused you—for a really long time, and that doesn’t mean that you’re… broken, or anything stupid like that. But you need time to heal. And I’m gonna be here for that, for as much or as little as you want.”

Gray nods, and they lapse into a comfortable silence. There’s a jingling sound and then Bella hops up onto the couch beside Gray, worming her way under his arm and resting her head on his lap.

“When…” Gray strokes the soft fur over Bella’s nose as he tries to figure out what he wants to say. “Later, when… things are better. Do you want…”

“Yeah,” Natsu says, and there’s a tiny explosion in Gray’s chest – relief and joy and fear and a hundred other things that he’s learning to name. “When you’re ready, yeah, I do.”

[bennguinfest]

Spring 2019 Fan Fest Prompt List

Hey fan-festers! 

We’re happy to say that we received 81 prompts this time around, and we spent the last few days distilling all those amazing and creative prompts down to a list of 63 prompts! (If you’re keeping count, that’s far more than last year’s 48!) 

As with last year, we had some repeat prompts and prompts that were similar enough that it made sense to condense them under one item. Additionally, most of the prompts we distilled down to a few words for the sake of having a concise list! Again, like last year’s fest, we’re providing the full text of the original prompts under the cut, in case you’re looking for more details to get started!

You’re free to create any kind of fanwork based on the below prompts! There’s no minimum word count and no rules on what to create, or even how many - if you want to combine prompts, that’s cool! If you’re called to make more than one thing, that��s awesome too! The only limit is that this fest runs from now until April 15th - so if you’re creating something, make sure you post it and tag it with #bennguinfanfest so we can share it to this tumblr! If you’re posting to AO3, the collection is now open for submissions as well, so make sure to include your work there so everyone can find it!

One final thing: even if you didn’t submit prompts, feel free to participate and join us on the discord! We’ve set up a discord server here: bennguinfest on discord to stay connected, inspire each other, and have fun! It’s a great group and really active, so don’t be shy!

That’s it! On to the prompt list!

Matchmaking dogs

Space AU

Birthday gifts

Coming out/being together in the NHL

Acting like a couple (but they’re not actually a couple)

Tyler as a WAG

Transported to a parallel universe

Abducted by aliens

Superhero/Superpowers AU

Amnesia from an injury

Soulmate AUs: Color-based, name-on-wrist

Thirst follow/Met online

Drag AU

Time loops

Alternate histories

Cop AU

Reality show AU (Survivor, the Bachelor, Married At First Sight)

Jamie Poppins/Single dad AU

Supernatural races (vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters, etc.)

Omegaverse: Courting

Delivery boy/Uber driver AU

Tyler gets traded back to Boston

Breaking up & making up

Omegaverse: Bonding drama

Boring office desk job

Road trips

Protective Jamie defending Tyler

College/University AU

Tyler tries to be Jamie’s wingman

Lites’s comments affecting the boys

Taking care of a sick hockey player

Cuddle pile/team bed fic

Harry Potter AU

Fire alarm meet-cute

DnD/Hockey Mashup

De-aged after a fight

Bakery/Tattoo Artist AU

Friends with benefits - and then with feelings

Zombie AU

Homeless AU

Nerds are hot/competency kink

Omegaverse: scents

YouTube channel AU

Bridal shop meet-cute

Beard appreciation

Tornado warning

Figure skater mpreg

Self-conscious Jamie

Wing!fic

Winning the cup and a kiss on the ice

Lifeguard AU

Haunted farm

Animal daemons

Surprise/sudden parenting

Jealousy from dating/flirting with someone else

Secret relationship and almost getting caught

Long-lost childhood friends

"Come here."

“Close the door.”

“I feel like I can’t breathe.”

“It’s three in the morning and you want me to do what?”

“You could’ve died.”

“I thought you were dead.

Full text of the prompts under the link! If you have any questions, feel free to send us an ask - and as always, happy creating! 

1. Matchmaking dogs: Tyler’s dogs want to get their human with a certain cow-eyed captain

“well this is really awkward considering the last time we saw each other, i was screaming at you to never talk to me again, but like, my dog recognized you all the way across the park and literally dragged me over here because she misses you so hi” AU

2. Space AU (ex. Star Trek, Firefly, or something else entirely)

3. It's Tyler's birthday and at first Jamie gives off the feeling that he's forgotten and this hurts Tyler but it turns out that that Jamie wakes Tyler up at midnight on his birthday with two tickets to an offseason trip

4. I want a fic that REALLY captures what it would be like if two NHL players were to come out in 2019. I'm talking teammate reactions, press reactions, social media, family, the whole shebang. I wanna see the real raw reactions and the struggle the guys would have to go through. I would also loooove if you could fit Jamie proposing to Tyler in there somewhere but it isn't a necessity.

Jamie has a hard time dealing with how public Tyler’s life is, with the insta stories and with random people filming him all the time. It feels like it’s only a matter of time before their relationship is exposed because of how much Tyler is in the public eye. Jamie doesn’t want to break up but it seems like that’s the only choice he has. He doesn’t want to do this so much that he calls a press conference and comes out of the closet.

Jamie and Tyler have been dating since 2014 and he’s tired of hiding it. So with Jamie’s consent he posts a cute photo of them being a couple and writes a heartfelt monologue about their story. And the whole hockey community blows up about it. And it’s kinda about how they deal with being and out couple and Tyler posting obnoxiously cute couple photos on his Instagram. Sorry this prompted is a mess I just want Tyler to be a troll and post cute cliche couple photos on Instagram of him and Jamie and the world loading their minds about it.

Jamie and Tyler come out to the team about them dating. Management wants to keep their relationship secret so they make Jamie fake date someone. And him and Tyler struggle with the stress that puts on them.

realistic consequences of being together with the team

5. Tyler and Jamie are super close but super oblivious to the fact that they act like a literal couple. Jamie has a gf and she hates the fact that it seems like Jamie cares more about Tyler than he does her.

6. Fluffy fic where Jamie still plays hockey, he meets tyler and they fall in love and tyler becomes an nhl wife/husband/boyfriend.

7. Parallel universes -- somehow Tyler (or Jamie) finds himself in an alternate universe where his life is radically different (for better or for worse) which makes him realize how much his relationship to Jamie (or Tyler) means.

waking up in the future/alternate reality fic

8. Jamie and Tyler are abducted by aliens and taken to a faraway planet where they are prisoners in a bizarro planet. Is it real or is it a nightmare though?

9. jamie and tyler are in danger and major trouble when their identities as superheroes are revealed and bad guys are after them.

powers/mutant AU (as in pick one, not all at the same time) One hides their ability from the other, and when the other finds out, its...not good

Superhero AU! Are they superhero partners? Is one of them a superhero and can't date the other because he has to keep him safe? Are they both trying to keep their secret identities secret from each other while simultaneously dating in both iterations? Up to you, or anything else!

10. Amnesia angst for the win - Jamie gets a particularly hard hit, wakes up and can remember everyone except for tyler (maybe not explicitly, say they can *remember* them, but not remember that they've been dating for eight months now) cue tyler avoiding jamie because its too hard him to be around him

11. soulmate au! people are born with blackmarks - on their hands, their faces, their skin in general - the black marks is the first place their soulmate would touch them. Jamie was born without a mark. Tyler was born with two pitch black palms. Years after tylers been traded to the stars, Jamie falls asleep, and tyler can't help but run his fingers through Jamie's hair, just once, and then he looks down at his hand and the tips of his fingers are colored, and so are the few strands of Jamie's black hair.

Soulmate au- either abo or name on wrist. No drama, just fluff!

12. Tyler thirst follows Jamie on insta. This can be hockey or non-hockey, but Jamie follows back and they start talking.

13. Rupaul’s Drag Race au. Tyler and Jamie are competing against each other but are constantly talking about how much they like each other/are attracted to each other in the confessional. They’re both single, so why not go for it? Alternatively, one is a queen and the other is a member of the pit crew.

14. groundhog day au (aka, tylers/jamies day keeps getting reset, again and again until they get together finally and wake up the next day)

15. alternate history, tyler is never traded to dallas, but they still somehow meet and fall in love anyway

16. cop AU, where in tyler the rookie transfers and get stuck with Jamie the sorta senior to show him the ropes. Jamie gets attached. And that’s...a problem, in their line of work. Or at least it is for him.

17. Survivor au- same or different tribe, as long as they’re the “showmance”

"The Bachelor" AU

Married at first sight au- either within the parameters of the actual show, or they literally get married the day they meet

18. Jamie!Poppins - tyler is a single father with a new baby and no clue of what he's going to do. enter Jamie Poppins!

19. Minotaur Jamie

The Dallas Stars are a pack of werewolves, and Tyler is the vampire that’s been traded to their team.

Shifter verse!! and ive got nothing else for this other than wanting to see tyler as a tiny lab puppy pls and thanks

20. Alpha Tyler and omega Jamie: “usually when I meet an omega I wanna bone, but with Jamie I wanna fucking hold his hand and feed him bonbons all day, what the fuck”

21. Jamie the delivery boy. Kay hear me out. Like he keeps delivering huge quantities of food to this particular house and it always seems like there should be more than one person. But there’s not. And Tyler orders. All. The. Time. Hopeful it’s jamie. But they’re both too dumb to ask each other out. Lots of pining

Uber driver! Jamie picks up Tyler from a one night stand

22. Tyler gets traded back to Boston AU - Everything hurts and nothing is okay. (except that at least one of them is retiring at the end of the season so it's actually more okay than they think) (also a future fic)

23. breakup and makeup but spanning over seasons - no cheese plots

24. Bond drama (abo) either they bond too quickly, like at the all star game or something and dont know ehat to do because theyre on different teams, or they really want to bond and its not happening as fast as they think it should

25. Boring office desk job

26. road trip to Montreal to visit Jordie

27. while out chilling at a bar celebrating a win, jamie and tyler are having a couple of drinks and when jamie gets up to go the bathroom, a drunk stranger and a couple of his friends decide to harass Tyler, upsetting him. A furiously protective Jamie intervenes and despite holding his own, Jamie is beaten up and him and tyler end up in a dumpster.

28. A University fic where Tyler is out and proud and gay and Jamie is still trying to figure out his sexuality but he's having a hard time. No homophobic Jamie tho please, just a guy trying to figure himself out. Would love if he would rely on his family throughout the fic for advice.

I’m always a sucker for college au, or masters/PhD students etc

COLLEGE AU BECAUSE WE ALL NEED MORE OF THAT IN OUR LIVES

'the cops showed up to a party we were at and chased everyone away. You and I happened to run in the opposite direction of all our friends and got lost in some dark and creepy street.’ - College AU

29. Tyler finds out Jamie is gay (outed/comes out/whatever you prefer) and embarks on a wild but good-intentioned quest to find Jamie his perfect man.

30. Tyler is hurt by Lites' comments more than one thinks and Jamie is worried when he sees Tyler crying in private.

31. sickfic? jamie taking care of tyler is- like just how pathetic is a sick hockey player?

32. team bed au omg someone pls

33. Harry Potter au but not as high school student, just something in the magical world

34. "3am and the fire alarm in our apartment building went off and you look cold here is my jacket"

35. Hockey AU but they’re all dnd races. I would love to see half-orc Jamie, and goliath Bishop, and tiefling Tyler. Please be as creative as you want with this!

Hockey AU where instead of going out, a core group of guys plays dnd in their hotel rooms while on the road. Tyler and Jamie’s characters are getting flirty in game, and it’s starting to translate outside of it as well.

36. Tyler and jamie fight - a *big* fight, and the next day Jamie suddenly got a deaged tyler on his hands and no idea how to fix it

37. Jamie owns a bakery and tylers the new tat artist next door plsplspls gimme that slow burn bullshit with this one

38. ty/jam used to have a whole friends w benefits thing that went oh-so-wrong because one (or both of them) caught feelings—as one does—and the fic is kind of that aftermath and trying to repair the broken relationship.

39. ZOMBIES

40. Homeless AU w/tyler

41. Tyler is smarter than he leads people to believe, and Jamie is into privately nerdy Tyler

42. Abo verse surrounding scents. Tyler smells like the most delicious thing Jamie has ever smelled, but he thinks he shouldn’t bond with a teammate

43. Youtube channel

44. Designer and single friend of client at a bridal shop AU

45. Beard appreciation

46. a tornado warning hits dallas and everybody is ordered to seek shelter. jamie follows tyler back to his house and hide in the basement with the dogs, frantic and terrified.

47. Tyler is a figure skater, Jamie still plays hockey. They meet and fall inlove but whoops tyler ends up pregnant. The world still isn't 100% accepting of LGBTQIA+ people and even less accepting of men getting pregnant. Tyler feels down at some point cause he has to put his career on hold. but it all ends up great in the end.

48. Jamie feels self-conscious about his ass after some chirping from opposing players and it's up to Tyler to comfort him

49. Wing!fic

50. They win the Stanley cup and kiss at centre ice

51. Jamie's a lifeguard. They meet after Tyler basically drowns himself. (It's not an excuse to have Jamie kiss him. Its *not*.)

52. Haunted farm au- Tyler is a witch that lives on a farm where extremely weird things happen. He ends up rescuing Jamie and Jamie pledges his services for one year in exchange for his life. During that year, they fall for each other hard, but there are outside forces in the farm trying to keep them apart.

53. Animal daemons

Goose daemons

54. Marshall, Cash and Gerry turn into human kids (temporarily or not), Bennguin handle being sudden parents

55. Tyler having a serious boyfriend for a while and Jamie is jealous because he wants to date Tyler but he’s not ready to come out. And he’s also upset because everyone is taking it so well and nothing has changed and he realizes he really missed out. But in the end they still get together.

56. secret relationship and how they almost get caught - many many times

57. Childhood pen pal / long distance childhood friends?

58. "Come here."

59. “Close the door.”

60. “I feel like I can’t breathe.”

61. “It’s three in the morning and you want me to do what?”

62. “You could’ve died.”

63. “I thought you were dead.”

[x-reader-theater]

Kouign-Amann

Relationship: Joe Mazzello x Male!Reader

Summary: You loved working at the Coffee shop you were employed at, and you loved to meet new people, but what happens when one of the people you meet turns out to be someone you can love?

Warnings: Very fluffy, with a little angst but not that much. 

Word Count: 4,091

A/N: Hello! Just like I promised, here’s what I’ve been working on. I love Joe so much, and he makes me really happy, so I wanted to write this. It is a Coffee Shop AU, because, who doesn’t love a good old classic coffee shop au, right? Right. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this one, I’m really proud of it! Also, the pastry this is names after is pronounced, Queen-Amon! It’s really weird XD <3

You sigh as you put your apron on, tying it around your middle, putting the ugly brown hat on your head you had to wear. If it were up to you, you wouldn't even be here, having worked a full twelve hour day yesterday, but yet… You push open the swinging door that leads into the shop from the hallways into your apartments, and twirl the keys around your fingers as you walk through the small shop. It was family owned, you've known the two men who owned it since forever, but they were away at the moment, which left only you to run the shop. Most days were pretty mellow, only taking you.

You unlock the doors, and frown as a man comes racing around the corner of the street. You turn and go to slip behind the counter to warm everything up, when the doors slam open, and for a moment, you're afraid the glass is going to shatter.

You don't really get a good look at his face as you mumble, “Please don't slam the door…”

“Sorry, sorry,” he says as you go to the order station. “I'm running late, and I was supposed to be up an hour earlier, and I lost track of time and you were the earliest that opened, and-”

“If you're running late, maybe you should stop talking so you can order and get out of here faster?” You remark, raising an eyebrow.

He smiles and nods. “Right, right. A black coffee please.” You nod and turn around, getting to work. “This is a cute place. Is it yours?”

You shake your head as you pour the beans into the distiller. “Nah. Some old friends of mine own it. They just got married last year actually,” you say.

“Oh, well congratulations,” he says and you chuckle.

You quickly pour out the coffee into one the hot drink cups, and walk over to the register. “We have cream, milk, and sugar if you need it right here.” You gesture to the end of the counter, where your little fixer set up is, and the man smiles.

Standing in front of him, you really look at him for the first time. He's attractive, but not overly masculine. He's not the typical standard of beauty, but still, he looks nice. His hair is a medium light brown, like a perfectly caramelized pastry. His eyes are brown as well, almost the same colour as his hair, but a little darker, kind of like chocolate.

“Hello?” You shake yourself out of your thoughts as the man waves at you. “I just wanted to know how much it would be.”

“Oh!” You exclaim, as the register dings. “$5.”

He hands over a bill, and you hand him his coffee. “Thank you!” he yells as he dashes out the door before you even put the money away. You smile as he runs out of view and down the street.

You hear the ring of the bell, signaling someone has entered. You quickly wipe your hands on your apron and put your towel over your shoulder as you walk out to the front. You see the man standing there again, the very familiar man who you remember coming in before, and he doesn't look out of breath this time.

“Oh! Hello!” You exclaim, and he looks over at you. A smile appears instantly on his face. He was very good looking with a smile. “I was just making some fresh pastries. They'll be out in a little while of you want one?”

He smiles and shakes his head. “No, it's okay. Just a black coffee again,” he says.

You smile and and look at him quizzically. “Are you sure? They're Kouign-Amanns…”

“What are those?” He asks.

“They're a pastry like croissants, but they have loads of sugar in them, and it caramelizes,” you explain.

He thinks for a moment. “Okay. Sure. I have some extra time.”

You grin as you get him a black coffee. “So, where are you off to so early?” You ask. “I don't usually get Americans this early in the morning.”

He shrugs as you hand him his coffee. “Just, work.” You nod and he hands you a fiver. “Can I get your name?” He asks.

“[Y/N]. Yours?”

“Joe.”

You smile. “Well Joe. I'll be out in a minute. Why don't you have a seat?” He nods and looks around for a moment, before sitting at one of the small, two person tables.

You go into the back, and grab your tray of pastries, before walking back out. “Okay! We have the croissants, the chocolate croissants, some bread pudding, some tarts, and of course, the Kouign-Amann.” You grin as you set them down in front of him on the table. “Take whatever you like, I can always make more!”

Immediately, Joe goes for the croissant, and picks it up, and he's about to take a bite when you stop him. “Hold on…” You grab the other end and pull it apart, watching as the perfectly crisp pastry falls apart onto the tray. “You have to pull it apart for the best flavour. It also helps when it's fresh. It cools it down.”

Joe nods, pulling it apart, and he pops some into his mouth. He groans, and you grin. “Wow this is amazing!” He exclaims.

“Do you wanna try the Kouign-Amann?” You ask, and he nods, taking a napkin and wiping his mouth. You pick up one, and hand it to him, before picking up the other.

He brings his up and you tap them together. “Cheers,” he says, and you chuckle as you both take a bite. You watch as his eyes widen and he sets the caramelized pastry down. He looks over at you. He doesn’t have to say anything, his eyes say it all. “How long did this take?” He asks and you shrug, taking another bite. They were your favourite.

“About four or five hours,” you say, and he looks at you shocked.

“It’s five right now!” He exclaims and you nod.

“I get up at midnight every morning, just to make these. We’re the only shop in a 100 mile radius that makes them,” you explain.

“Why only you?”

You look down and take another bite, chewing quickly before swallowing. “They’re difficult to make, and they’re my favourite. I have to make them, if not for the customers, than for me. They’re our most popular pastry.” You smile at him, and he looks at you shocked, before smiling as well. Joe huffs out a laugh as he picks up the pastry, looking at it. You blush and look away. “Uh, well, you can take anything you like.” He goes to take out a few bills, but you stop him. “No, please, on the house. I uh… I enjoy the company…” You look away as you say the last part, your blush rising further on your face.

“Well thank you for this. Maybe, I can take you out for coffee sometime? To repay you?” He offers. You look around and he sighs, laughing. “Right, right. Well, if you would like to go out sometime, let me know.”

You smile and nod as he grabs his things, his Kouign-Amann, and he leaves.

“I have some Black Coffees here!” You yell into the busy shop. A few people shuffle forwards, and you hand them out, ringing them up quickly.

“Two Black Iced Teas!” Daniel yells out as you go to the ordering station.

You grin as you see Joe make his way towards you. “Busy today huh?” He asks and you nod. “Just a black coffee.”

You jot it down quickly, and make it fast as well, before going to the register after you’re done. Joe hands you a ten and you go to make change. “Don’t bother! Keep the change!”

You grin and you hand him his coffee, but you grab his wrist before he can leave. “I get out at noon today, if you want to grab a bite to eat? I don’t know if you work on Sundays?”

He grins, and walks out, leaving you without an answer. You just watch as Daniel leans over and whispers, “He’s a good one. I can tell.”

You laugh and hit his shoulder, before going back to work, glancing towards the door every hour until twelve.

It dies down at around ten, and you just finish cleaning for your last two hours, helping the occasional person, before hanging up your apron for the day. You walk outside, waving to David as you leave, and you see Joe walk around the corner. He looks good in a long black coat, and you wish you had something like that right now as a gust of wind passes you by. It was freezing, but it’s always cold in London, except for the few days in the summer when it’s not.

“Hey,” Joe says, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his coat. “Are you ready?”

“Where are we going?” You ask. You shiver as another gust of ice cold air whips around you. All you had on was a knit jumper. You hadn't accounted for it being this cold. “Hopefully it's someplace warm…” You chuckle.

“Oh! Here, take this,” he says starting to remove his wool coat.

“Oh, no, please, I can't take it,” you say, and he brushes you off.

“Please, just, here.” He swings it around your shoulders and grabs it, making his arms and the coat loop around you. You blush, your face heating up as he gingerly adjusts his warm jacket around you. He was in a wooly jumper, and didn't look too bothered, but he could just be faking it.

“So, where are we going?” You ask, slipping your arms into the sleeves.

“You'll see…” he says, cryptically, and you roll your eyes, but smile as you fall into step with him.

You don't really pay attention to what he's saying, something about a Queen or the Queen, but it doesn't really matter. He's talking animatedly about it, waving his hands around as he talks. You smile, watching him as he talk, quite content to just listen. You turn a corner again, and you find yourself in a part of town that's very familiar.

“Are we going to the Sheep's Head?” You ask. It was a semi-popular pub, and you've been a few times, but it is a good lunch spot, so you see why Joe picked it.

“Yeah! I went with a few friends recently, and I thought it was a good lunch place…” he trails off, and you grab his arm.

“It's perfect,” you say, and he grins, and you walk inside.

“Where are you taking me?” You ask, laughing as he grabs your hand, dragging you towards a very nice motorbike.

“You'll see!” He says, and he hands you a helmet, gesturing to you to get on as he puts his own helmet on, swinging his leg over the seat. It looked to be the perfect size for the two of you. You snap your own on around your chin, and climb on behind him. He turns, and grins, saying, “Hold on tight!”

You go to ask what he means, but he tears off through the streets. You wrap your arms around his waist, and you press you chest to his back. You can feel him laughing. You start laughing as well, and you watch London's streets pass by in a blur. You weren't really focusing on anything, just the body pressed against yours, and you lay your head on Joe's back, a small smile delicately places on your face.

Eventually, you stop, and, as much as you don't want to, you take your arms from around Joe's waist. You take off your helmet off, and place it on the seat as you get up. Joe grabs you hand, and you're off again.

He pulls you and you laugh as you run across a small fish market, and to the edge of the wharf, where a small stone wall is set up, to protect those from falling into the water bellow. You laugh as you hit the metal railing on top of the wall, and Joe pins your against it. Your smile drops slightly, and a blush crawls up your face. Joe clears his throat, and pulls away, and you turn to look over the River Thames. You feel Joe wrap his arms around your waist, and you lean back into his chest. It's silent for a while, and you just watch the small waves lap against the rocks.

“Tell me about the coffee shop,” Joe says, breaking the silence.

You smile fondly. “It's run by Daniel and David, they got married last year, I think I told you?” You feel Joe nod against the side of your head. “I love my fellow gays!” You both laugh at your joke. “Anyways, they practically raised me in that shop. We lived above them in a nice, small flat, and when my mother died, I got the place. Daniel and David gave me a job to pay for it, and I've been there ever since.” You look up at Joe. “That's about it really.”

You look into his brown eyes, and see something you've only seen from a few people in your life. Joe leans down, and kisses you. You smile into the kiss, and Joe leans you into the railing. You smile as you pull away, and look up at Joe, who has his arm around your waist.

You sip your tea as you watch people pass by your little shop, just going about their day. You see women dressed up nice and men in suits. You like to watch people when no one comes inside. It’s on the quiet days where you got to pour yourself a glass, take a lukewarm pastry from the morning, and just relax. You’re looking out the window when you see someone very familiar walk by. You grin, your face lighting up, as you stand and walk behind the counter, pouring a cup of black coffee.

The bell above the door rings, and you look up to see Joe standing there, the collar of his jacket turned up against the wind, his hair blown perfectly back. You stare at him, your eyes wide, and you realize, again, how perfect this man standing in front of you is.

“Shit!” you curse as you feel hot coffee spill over your shoes.

“You okay?” Joe asks, standing up taller so he can see you better over the counter and the large coffee machines that sat upon it.

You take your rag and quickly wipe up the rest of the coffee that’s spilled, and you yell back, “Yup! I’m fine!” You pour out some of the extra coffee, and hand it to Joe, before walking back around the counter.

He places his hand around your waist, and pulls you in, kissing you. You smile into the kiss, and pull away, leading him to the table you were set up at. He sits in the chair opposite to yours, and runs a hand through his hair before taking a sip of his coffee. You smile into your tea as you also take a sip. Joe reaches a hand across the table, and you grab it. He squeezes your hand, and for the rest of your shift, you sit like that with him, just watching the people go by.

“Are you ever going to tell me what you do?” You ask one day in your apartment, as you take out your Shepherd's Pie from the oven. You set it on the cooling rack in the middle of your kitchen table, and sit down across from Joe.

He shrugs. “It's just not that big of a deal,” he says, and you roll your eyes.

“It is a big deal! I want to know what you do!” You exclaim, and Joe rubs his temples. “I don't understand why you won't tell me!”

Joe sighs puts his head in his hand, shaking his head back and forth. “It's not important [Y/N]!” His hand falls to the table, and he looks up at you, exasperated.

You sigh and look down at your wooden table, picking at the splintering wood along the side. “It's important to me…” you mumble. You look up at Joe to see him blink back at you, shocked. “You matter to me. Everything you do is important to me. It always will be. Why is that so difficult for you to understand?”

Joe looks away from you, and whispers, “Because you'll think of me differently if I tell you…”

Your anger immediately drops, And all fire is gone from your eyes. You get up, and kneel before Joe, encasing his hands in yours, and you put a finger underneath Joe's chin. He looks up at you, and you smile reassuringly.

“I will never, ever think differently of you,” you say, and Joe looks at you, just staring.

He pulls you in, and hugs you. You feel him murmur against your chest, and you barely make out what he's saying. “I love you…”

Your muscles tighten and you feel your heart clench, and Joe goes to pull away, but you hold him there, relaxing as your fingers find their way into his hair.

You press a kiss to his head, and say quietly against his temple, “I love you too.”

You watch people pass you by as Joe leads you through the large warehouse he had brought you to. You watch as people walk by dressed in clothes from the 70s, and you watch as a man in a large white fur jacket passes you by. He gives you a wink, and you quickly look away, watching your boyfriend lead you through the throngs of people.  

He pulls you through a hallway, and opens a door into a large room with a mirror covering one wall, lights surrounding it. In the corner is a clothing rack filled with different shirts, flannels, jeans, shorts. You look over at the table and see a wig with the shortest bangs ever cut, that can still barely be classified as bangs. You look on the mirror and see pictures of a man who looks eerily similar to Joe himself.

“Joe? What is this?” You ask, and Joe leads you to the couch.

He sits you down, holding your hands as he sits down in front of you. “[Y/N], I'm not just some random guy who went into a coffee shop, and unknowingly falling in love with you, this amazing guy who serves the best coffee in the whole world.”

You blush but keep looking at him. “You're not a random guy,” you say, placing a hand on his cheek, and he leans into it.

“You're right. I'm an actor,” he says, and you look at him quizzically.

“What?” You ask, incredibly confused.  

“I-I'm an actor,” he repeats himself, stuttering at your tone.

You shake your head. “No no, I know that. I'm just confused. Why was that so difficult to tell me?”

“Because it's not an easy life. I have people constantly following me, I have to leave every few months to film, you'll never have a private life…” He explains, and you nod slowly as he lists off the reasons.

You kiss him and press your forehead against his. He closes his eyes. “I don't care. I love you, and everything that comes with you. I have the shop, and I'm not alone. Telephones and video chat were created so that people who were apart could talk to each other. I'm not saying it isn't going to be an adjustment, but we can make it work. I know we can.”

Joe kisses you, and you lean into it. Joe places a hand in your hair, and you gasp as he tugs. You move the hand not on his face to his hip, and squeeze as Joe's mouth moves with yours, tongues fighting to see which one comes out of top. You move the hand from his face and place it on his chest as Joe break away, looking at you. You both pant, grinning, before Joe latches on to your neck, giving your small kisses from your ear to the collar of your shirt. You let out a quiet moan as he kisses behind your ear and-

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

“Joe! You in there!” You hear a British voice calling through the door.

You laugh breathlessly as Joe places his head on your shoulder. “Come in!” You call.

The door opens, and you see a blonde man poke his head into the room. “Uh, hi, I'm Ben.”

You laugh and look down at Joe, who doesn't seem like he wants to let go of you. His arms wrap around your back and you hold your hand out. Ben shakes it as you say, “Hi, I'm [Y/N]. I'm this one's boyfriend.” You point at Joe as you say that and Ben raises his eyebrows.

“Oh, sorry if I'm interrupting but Joe, they need us in hair and makeup,” he says and Joe doesn't say anything. You can feel his face is hot against your neck and you just know, that without looking, he is blushing furiously.

You nod. “I'll make sure he gets down there.”

Ben nods, goes to say something, thinks better of it, waves at you, and closes the door. You laugh as you look down at Joe, you hasn't loosened it grip at all. “Joe, love, you need to go…” He shakes his head and run and hand over his hair. He looks up at you, face still mildly red, and you kiss him, leaning down as he moves up. The kiss is light, not like what it was before, and soon enough, you pull away.

“Come on,” you say, standing up, and you lead him out the door.

It's always busy on Sundays, but today in particular, there were more people around than normal. You, Daniel, and David quickly get through everyone you can, and by the time the hours is up, you're sweating profusely. You take your rag and wipe your forehead with it, before sitting down at one of the tables. You grin sloppily as Daniel and David sit across from you.

“Good job today, [Y/N],” Daniel says, and you grin, nodding at him. “[Y/N], we have something to tell you.”

You look at them confused and David grabs your hand. “We're moving, to Scotland, for our retirement.”

You nod slowly. “Wow that's great guys!” You pause and look around before asking, “What's gonna happen to this place?”

David and Daniel grin at each other, before Daniel says, “We want you to have it!” You go to protest, but he stops you before you can. “Just, hold on. You have allowed this place to grow from the small shop it was, to an incredibly successful business. You know how to bring customers in, and how to get them to come back. You put time and effort into this place, getting up incredibly early just to make sure this place is perfect. We want you to have it [Y/N].”

You think about it for a moment, what this place means to you, growing up in this very shop while your mother was away, working here from the age of 16 to now. You have so many memories in this place, and you can't imagine it in the hands of anyone else.

“Yes,” you ultimately say, and David squeezes your hand as Daniel claps excitedly. You laugh with them, and feel the tears start to roll down your cheeks as the bell for the shop rings. You look up and see Joe standing there, a concerned look on his face.

“We'll leave you two alone,” Daniel says, and the two get up, and leave.

You stand up, and walk over to Joe, who holds his arms out to you. “What happened?” He asks, but you don't say anything as you fall into his arms, sobbing. He holds you close and runs his hands through your hair, cradling you as you cry. You pull away and wipe your eyes, a large smile looking so out of place on your face. Joe doesn't say anything, just waiting for you to speak first.

“I'm now the owner of this place,” you say quietly, and Joe's face lights up.

“Wow [Y/N]! That's incredible!” You pick you up and spins you around, and you screach in terror as he puts you back down, but you laugh anyways. “What are you going to do now?”

“I don't know.” You shrug. “We'll figure it out.”

[cooked-noodle-yoongi]

I'm happier with you

A story about a young photographer who finds his love in a convenience store around 3 am.

Moodboard

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

¤

Part 6:

"Are you going home for Christmas, Hyung?" Jimin snuggles closer to his boyfriend and ran his fingers softly over his exposed skin on his collarbones and neck, leaning in to kiss Yoongi's jaw lazily.

Yoongi smiled, closing his eyes and enjoying every little touch an kiss before turning his face towards him, catching his lips midway when the younger leaned in for another kiss on his neck.

"Nope, they're on vacation somewhere in Norway. They wanted to come to Korea but I don't know what made them change their minds." Yoongi brought up his hand to take Jimins in his and linked their fingers together, starting to kiss the youngers fingers over and over again.

"Are you sad?" Jimin now looked a little worried, cuddling closer again and swinging one leg over Yoongi's waist.

"Oh no, love. It's only Christmas. My family isn't religious anyway and they promised to visit me here in spring because mom wants to see the cherry blossom again," Yoongi mumbled against Jimins forehead when he pressed kisses on his furrowed brows. "Stop worrying, love. It's gonna give you wrinkles early."

But Jimin only closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "Sometimes I forget that you'll have to go home again eventually."

Yoongi felt a pang in his heart and his smile faltered a bit. "But not anytime soon. Let's worry about that when I really have to go back."

"But you will go. And I..." Yoongi heard Jimins shaky breath when he exhaled and immediately pulled him as close as possible. He couldn't handle Jimin crying. He really couldn't.

"Jimin, love, we'll figure something out, I promise. I won't leave you, I could never. Please don't cry, please." He couldn't help but felt his eyes stinging with tears too, just thinking about his boyfriend being at the other end of the world with his annoying family, working in a CU and earning money to get away from them.

"S-sorry, I'm just- I'm so worried. I don't wanna lose you. You- I love you, Yoongi and I don't wanna let you go. I don't wanna miss you."

Yoongi felt his heart clenching and hugged him as hard as he could.

"You think I'd just let you go? Just like that? I'll run away with you if I have to," he mumbled and poked his boyfriend into his side's, making him giggle and wresting out of his tight hug to escape the elders fingers.

"Don't joke about that! I'd probably follow you everywhere!" Jimin pouted at him before his lips broke in a soft smile.

"I'm not joking tho," the elder whispered and pressed a soft kiss onto Jimins lips, caressing his hips and pulling him close again. "It's late, love. Let's sleep alright?"

¤

Jimin kind of moved in with him for the next few days, only going home once because he needed some clothes, or at least underwear (Yoongi made clear that he was okay with Jimin wearing his clothes including his boxers but Jimin insisted on bringing his own) but other than that he slept at Yoongi's dorm, showered there, ate there with Yoongi. He was working more again because the elder had exams coming up and needed to focus on studying. They knew they'd end up cuddling or making out when Jimin was around and the younger was glad about the extra money he would get.

¤

"You're home," Yoongi smiled and stood up stumbling over his own feet and then the wire he used to charge his camera battery, barely making his way over to his boyfriend without falling flat on his nose. It was a little after midnight, Jimin didn't work whole night shifts anymore so that he'd have a little more of a healthy sleeping rhythm again (on yoongi's demand.

"As if you had such a healthy sleep schedule."

"I'm working on it, okay? We could do that together."

"Okay Hyung.") .

Jimin giggled and wrapped his arms around Yoongis neck, pulling him in for a soft kiss and closing his eyes.

"Hi, baby! You finished?"

"Almost. Pictures are just saving and then we'll go to bed."

Yoongi pecked Jimin on the lips and took the younger's bag to put it down so the younger could shrug off his coat. "Is it cold outside, love?"

"It's fine, I wasn't cold."

¤

Too soon, Christmas came around and Jimin was more or less forced to attend his family dinners and lunches and collective cooking. Jimin was very close to bring Yoongi to one of those family activities just because he wanted to show off and show them how much of an amazing boyfriend Yoongi was.

He was sad because he couldn't spend his time with his friends and his boyfriend. He wanted to go out and have BBQ, drink and have fun with the people who meant the most to him.

With Yoongi.

And Jimin wanted to spend as much time as he could because, maybe not tomorrow or next week, but Yoongi would leave for Amsterdam again. Now that the elder had passed all his exams for this semester his time as a student at the university was pretty much over. Yoongi had promised that he would stay at least until March so that they could celebrate his birthday together and spend more time together than before since all that university pressure was over now.

It was only December but in three months Yoongi would be gone. For god knows how long they wouldn't be able to see each other and only via Skype. They were gonna live in different time zones and Yoongi would be on the other side of the earth.

"Love? You're spacing out again," Yoongi said and pressed a kiss on his boyfriends cheek.

"Hm? Oh, I'm sorry." Jimin blinked a few times and leaned more into yoongi's space.

They were sitting in a late night cafe somewhere in Dongdaemun Yoongi sipping on his Americano.

("You're so not getting an iced one, baby. I don't want you to get sick."

"Aye, Jiminie!")

Jimin got a hot chocolate with whipped cream, his mug almost empty by now.

"What's on your mind? You know you can talk to me, love."

"You know what's on my mind, Yoongi."

He felt the elder stiffen a little bit before he leaned closer, pressing his rather cold nose into the crook of Jimins neck. "We'll work this out, Jimin. We still have three months left, we'll work this out. I-" His voice broke and Jimin pressed a kiss on Yoongi's forehead. "I'll come visit you, I'll take you with me to Amsterdam, I-"

Jimin closed his eyes and pressed another kiss on Yoongis hairline.

"I love you Jimin, I won't let this go."

The elder sounded so vulnerable, so small and so sad, Jimin couldn't stop his tears from falling.

"I love you, too," he whispered and wrapped his arms around Yoongis neck. "I'll follow you everywhere you want me to go."

Yoongi chuckled and let his lips ghost over the exposed skin on Jimins necks and collarbones. "If everything comes down on us, we'll just run away."

"I'll run away with you."

¤¤¤

Woohoo we're back with another update uwu

I hope people still read this lmao

@anxiousconstantly

@kpopanimefuck

[a-corndog-named-schibbs]

Prince in Disguise chapter 9

In which a very important truth is revealed.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Enjoy!

“I’m going to tell him.  Tonight.”

“Tell who what?” said Shiro, buttoning up his formal uniform.

“Lance.  I’m going to tell him who I am.”

“At the ball?  Won’t that be a bit of a shock for him?”

“No, after the ball,” said Keith.  It had been several days since his and Lance’s conversation and there was still an awful sense of heaviness in the air whenever they were together.  Keith hated it, wanted it gone.  And the only way to do that was to come clean.

Shiro nodded, “I think that’s a good idea.  You owe it to him to be honest.”  he smoothed out his uniform, “Almost ready?”

“Yeah,” said Keith, fastening the last few buttons of his own uniform.

“Then let’s go.  They’re probably waiting for us.”

They made their way to the ballroom, which was lavishly decorated for the party.  The chandeliers overhead glowed pink and blue, casting soft light across the room.  A buffet was set up along the wall, with servants offering hors d’oeuvres to the guests.  Dignitaries from every known planet mingled with each other, all dressed to the nines.  On the stage, a small orchestra played lively music and a space had been cleared so that couples could dance.

Lance and Allura were waiting for their bodyguards near the entrance.  Allura looked lovely as always in a pink sleeveless gown, but Keith’s eyes were drawn to Lance, who was wearing a midnight-blue jacket embroidered with delicate patterns of silver and a flowing white cape draped over his shoulders.  He looked happier than he had in several days.

Shiro spoke first, “Happy birthday, princess.  And may I say, you look breathtaking tonight.”  He took Allura’s hand and gave it a chaste kiss.

Allura, clearly pleased with the attention, gave him a flirtatious smile, “You’re too kind, Shiro.”

“Ahem.”

Keith looked over at Lance, “Yes, my prince?”

“Aren’t you going to tell me that I look nice?”

Keith shrugged, “You’ve looked worse, I guess.”

Lance’s mouth dropped open in pretend offense, “Keith!  I ought to have you charged for treason!”

Keith smiled and took Lance’s hand, brushing his lips lightly against the fingers, “You look beautiful, my prince.  I’m sure you’re the envy of everyone here.”

“Much better.” said Lance.  He glanced at his sister, who was already deep in conversation with Shiro, talking about all the festivities that had taken place earlier in the day, “Come on, let’s find somewhere to talk.  I think my sister is a little…distracted right now.”

They crossed the ballroom, trying to find a relatively quiet corner where they could hear each other.

“You look better than I’ve seen you in days.” said Keith, once Lance picked a spot to his liking, “Did something good happen?”

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” said Lance, “And I’ve just made an important decision.  I feel like a great weight’s been taken off of me.”

“That’s good to hear.” said Keith, “What was the decision?”

Lance grinned, “I’ll tell you later.  But first…” He held out his hand to Keith.

Keith stared at it, “Um…what are you…?”

“Dance with me.”

Keith could feel himself blushing, “Are you…are you sure that’s appropriate?  I mean…I’m your bodyguard and if people see us together…”

“I don’t care if they see.  Please, Keith?”

“I’m…also not that strong of a dancer.”

Lance gave him a soft smile, “Well, maybe you just haven’t found the right partner yet.”

Keith hesitated before giving Lance his hand.  Lance pulled him toward the center of the dance floor, where everyone in the room could see.  As Keith had predicted, people were staring, beginning to whisper…

“Don’t worry about any of them.” said Lance, “You and I are the only ones that matter right now.”  He placed one hand on Keith’s waist and held up his hand with the other one, “Here, I’ll lead.  Just follow my movements.”

True to his word, Lance was an excellent dancer.  He glided across the floor with an uncanny grace.  And, to Keith’s relief, it made following him easier.  Keith had never been skilled at his dance lessons, but stepping in time with the rhythm Lance set, picking up on the small signals he sent him to prompt a turn, a dip, made it feel like dancing came naturally to him.  And best of all, the rest of the ballroom’s occupants all blurred together as Lance twirled him across the floor, allowing Keith to forget they were there.

As the orchestra ended their set, Lance slowed them to a stop, leading Keith into a slight dip before righting him again.

“So, what do you think?” said Lance, “Was I the right partner?”

“Yes…yeah.” said Keith, cheeks still warm and not just from the exertion of dancing.

“I have to go mingle with the guests.” said Lance, giving his hand a squeeze, “But we’ll talk later, all right?”

Keith nodded and watched as Lance turned to introduce himself to the nearest dignitary, fondness filling his chest.

To his surprise, the party was actually enjoyable.  Lance was kept busy, conversing or dancing with the other guests, but every once in a while, he would glance over at Keith and give him a warm smile.  When he wasn’t actively watching Lance, Keith chatted with Shiro on the sidelines of the dance floor or snuck over to the buffet table where Hunk was working, to sample the appetizers laid out.

“You know those are for the guests, right?” said Hunk, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

“Are you gonna stop me?” said Keith, taking a bite of stuffed mushroom.

“Considering the food’s already in your mouth, I’d rather not.  Congratulations, by the way.”

“For what?”

“You know,” said Hunk, giving him a conspiratorial wink, “You and the prince.”

“I…what?  I don’t know what you’re…”

“You know you’re a bad liar, right?  Besides, I have no problem with it.  If it makes Lance happy, it makes me happy.”

“Well, then, I hope I can make the prince very happy.” said Keith.

His ears twitched slightly as they heard a familiar voice, high with mounting panic, rise above the din of the crowd.

“I told you no!”

Lance.

Keith immediately dropped his plate of food and shoved his way through the crowd to get to Lance.  The prince was near the center of the room, looking visibly upset, facing a tall man with white hair whose back was turned to Keith.  The man had a hand on his wrist and was gripping it tightly while Lance tried to wrench it away.

“I said I don’t want to dance.  Let go!”

“Hey!” said Keith, grabbing the man by the shoulder, “Get your hands off him!”  He yanked the man around to face him.

And his heart stopped.

“Well, well,” said Lotor, after a brief moment of confusion, “Isn’t this a pleasant surprise?”

Oh no.  Oh gods.

“Fancy meeting you here, of all places.  And I thought you were off training with the Blade.  Silly me.”

“Keith…” said Lance, quietly, apprehensively, “Do you know this man?”

“Oh, how rude of me.  Please, your highness, let me introduce myself.” Lotor gave Lance a mocking bow, “I am Prince Lotor of Daibazaal.  I’m surprised my…beloved cousin hasn’t mentioned me yet.”

“Cousin…what…?”

“Oh, he didn’t tell you about me?” Lotor turned towards Keith, “I’m disappointed in you, cousin.  Don’t you know it’s terribly wrong to keep secrets from your betrothed, Prince Akira?”

Keith felt like he’d been stabbed in the heart.  The look of disbelief, of absolute betrayal on Lance’s face turned his blood to ice water in his veins.

“Lance…” he said, desperate to salvage this, desperate to say something, anything that would make Lance stop looking at him like that.

“Is…Is it true?” said Lance, in a small shaky voice.

“Yes.” said Keith.

“You’re…you’re him?  Prince Akira?”

“Yes, I am.”

A sob escaped Lance’s throat.  He turned quickly and pushed his way through the crowd.

“Lance!  Lance, wait, I didn’t…” Keith reached out, grabbing Lance’s hand, trying to get him to stay.

“Don’t touch me!” Lance yelled, yanking his hand away and causing Keith to jump.  The crowd was staring now.  “How could you do this?”

“Lance, I can explain…”

But Lance was in no mood for explanations, “I trusted you!  I…” Suddenly his face hardened in anger, “You beast!  You’re even worse than I thought!”

Keith could feel tears gathering in his eyes, “Lance…please…”

“Never speak to me again, Prince Akira!” Lance whirled around and stormed out of the ballroom, the guests around him all whispering up a storm at the scene he had just caused.

Tears were rolling down Keith’s face.

“Well, that’s unfortunate.”

Keith turned sharply to face Lotor, who had the audacity to still look smug.

“Perhaps it’s for the best.” he said, shrugging, “After all, you really didn’t deserve someone as beautiful as Prince Lance…”

The next moment, Keith was tackling his cousin to the ground, pinning him with his weight and pummeling that stupid smug look off his face.  He wasn’t sure how effective his blows actually were, but watching Lotor’s expression change to one of pure, undiluted shock certainly made it worth it.

“Don’t…say…his…name…again!” said Keith, between punches, “Never mention him again, understand?!”

A pair of strong arms wrapped around Keith from behind and lifted him into the air.  Keith squirmed, trying to wriggle his way out of the stranger’s grip.

“Keith, stop!”

Shiro.

Keith stopped fighting long enough for Shiro to place his feet back on the ground.

“We need to get you out of here.  This looks bad.”

Keith allowed Shiro to grip his shoulder and steer him through the crowd, which, for once, helpfully parted for them, all the guests staring at the Galra bodyguard who had snapped and attacked a visiting royal.

Once they were out of the ballroom and in the hallway, Shiro turned to look him in the face.

“Are you okay?”

“I…” the tears were coming back in full force now, “I don’t…no…no, Shiro I’m not- I’m…I lost him…I lost him and he h-hates me and he’ll never…he’ll nev-“

Shiro said nothing, only nodded and pulled him into a hug.  Keith buried his face in his bodyguard’s shoulder and sobbed.

Chapter 10

[stillebesat]

Courage, Braveheart (3/5)

Sanders Sides: Virgil Blurb: Virgil had known since he was young that his chances for living long were slim. Still, he had hoped to have lived a little bit longer.  Fic Type: Drama -This is going to be a Feels Trip. Inspiration: A Midnight Idea that struck and refused to leave me alone. Warnings: Negative Self Talk, Hospitals, Surgery, Death Talk, Major Character Death Tags: @sidewritings @loverofpizzaandallthingssweet @not-so-innocent-bi-sander @redundant-statements-for-400 @aikogumi @emo-space-trash @lizziepopanime @littleoptimistme @nose-to-meet-you @nyxwordsmith @tree4life25 @walrus-flail @will-iswriting-again @potatoes-and-depression @tripleaaaqueer @heracaine @kittyboof8 @samidaboss3  To Catch Up: Chapter 1  Chapter 2 

Chapter 3

It came almost imperceptibly. One moment Virgil floated in darkness, the next a soft warm light completely encompassed him. Virgil blinked, confused to see himself standing...floating? in...well...a blank space. He rubbed his eyes and blinked again for good measure, but the scenery didn’t change. Everywhere he looked, all he could see was the soft orange light, like sunshine shining through closed eyelids. But whether he was standing outside, in a room, or floating in the clouds...he couldn’t tell. It definitely wasn’t the hospital though. That much he knew.  “So. You’re the one.” Virgil jumped, hand automatically coming up to his chest to...Virgil paused. His heart. His heart wasn’t pounding. He frowned, hand clutching at his dark hoodie as he turned to the source of the confident voice. He blinked, raising his eyebrows at the young man standing before him. “Are you supposed to be an Angel?” he asked. “Because sad to say, you’re coming off a bit more like Prince Charming.���

The man, who couldn’t have been much older than Virgil, chuckled. “A Prince?” He glanced down to his white suit with gold buttons, a vivid red sash across his chest, a direct contrast to Virgil’s own clothes. “Are you a damsel in distress, my dear Edgelord? Needing a handsome prince to come rescue you?”   Virgil frowned. Edgelord? “Like I need rescuing, Princey.”  He raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Says the Lion in need of a new heart.” Virgil tightened his hand on his chest where his heart was not beating frantically. Why was it not trying to pound its way out of his body like it usually did in these situations?  “How do you know that?”   Princey flashed a brilliant smile, spreading his arms. “You could say, I have a vested interest in whether or not you deserve the new heart coming to you.” Virgil swallowed and looked away, hunching his shoulders. It really was too good to be true. Him getting a new heart? Why had he even believed it possible? “Well...I don’t.” He said quietly.  “Excuse me?” Virgil shook his head, refusing to look at the man. “I don’t deserve it. I’m sure there are a hundred better candidates for a new heart than me. So if this is some sort of spirit battle for who gets this one…”  Which how messed up was that? Spirit wars? Was he a ghost? Was that why Virgil couldn’t feel his spasmic heart beating?   “Hey, that’s not--” Virgil jerked his free hand up, cutting Princey off. “Just go ahead and take it, Princey. It’s all yours.” He wasn’t much of a fighter, how could he be when his heart threatened to give out if he sat up too fast in bed? “Sir Darkness, that’s not--”  “Look,” Virgil forced himself to meet the man’s bewildered gaze. He was everything Virgil wasn’t. Confident. Strong. Princely. He had a better chance at surviving a heart surgery than Virgil ever did, that was for sure. “I never even thought I’d live to even see a glimmer of a chance of this alright? My odds of getting a new heart in the first place were, are, basically nonexistent.” Princey frowned, “And I kno--”  Virgil’s fingers went white on his hoodie as he stared the other guy down, once again cutting him off. “I just...I just…” His eyes burned. “I just wanted a new heart because I don’t wanna leave my Mom alone, okay? She’ll be by herself, with a ton of bills, and I just...want to stop causing her heartache. Make her happy. See her smile without worrying about the next time I’ll end up in the hospital because my heart gave out again.”   Princey shook his head, hands clenching. “That’s why--” “But I know. I’m sure you have more impressive reasons, Princey.” Virgil’s reason was so small, and very selfish. He just wanted to make his mom happy. He was sure the Prince before him had better arguments as to why he deserved the heart. “I get it. I do. Your chances are already bet--” “I’M ALREADY DEAD, LORD KNIGHTMARE!”  The room went cold, red lightning crackling around the space as the two stared each other down. Virgil tensed, ice flashing down his sternum. “W-what?” He stammered, massaging his freezing chest. Princey was? Princey cleared his throat, running a hand through his perfect hair and messing it up, though still managing to look noble even doing that. He offered Virgil a faint smile. “I’m already dead.” He repeated in a softer voice, gesturing to himself.  “Oh.” Virgil ducked his head, feeling like such a fool. How long had Princey been trying to say just that while Virgil had blabbered on and on. “I’m sorry… I didn’t….did it hurt?” He bit his lip. Geez, Virgil. Seriously? Did it hurt? The guy just said he was dead! “Don’t answer that, Princey. That wasn’t-”  The man smiled, giving a soft laugh as he shook his head. “You’re fine.” He lightly brushed off his shoulders. “No, for me it didn’t hurt.” He said, humor suddenly dancing in his eyes. “I’ve fought Dragon Witches that had much more of a bite than Death did, Sir Edgelord. You can believe that.” Dragon witches? Virgil hunched his shoulders. What sort of nonsense was Princey speaking now? “So...it was quick?”  Princey nodded, drawing himself up, making his smile more confident. “It was like looking in a camera when the light flashes.” he said theatrically, raising a hand. “One moment I’m alive, Camera Flash, then I’m not.” He gestured to Virgil. “Honestly, you’re going to experience more pain than I did, once you wake back up.” Virgil jerked. Huh? “Wake up? You mean I’m not dead too?”  Princey snorted and shook his head. “Technically, you’re in limbo.”  “Oh.” Virgil chewed his bottom lip, trying to understand as he looked around the warm space. “Then, if I’m not dead, and you are, and I’m in limbo,” which he’d thought would be more grey and black than this sunlit place, “and you’re...dead.” He gripped his chest, grimacing as another cold searing flash rushed through him. “Why am I here with you?”  Princey gaped at him for a moment before he threw back his head in a roar of laughter.  Virgil stiffened. “I don’t see what’s so funny.”  “You are, My Emo Knight.” Princey gasped out. “I can’t believe you’re not seeing...you really don’t think much of yourself do you?”  He frowned. “Of course not, I’ve been next to useless for basically my entire life. I’m hardly worth anything.”  Princey cut off his laughter, straightening with a frown. “That’s not true.” Virgil clenched his fists. “It is.”  “Is not. You’re more valuable than--” “Than a heap of garbage?” He could hardly do anything to help his mother around the house for crying out loud! “I’ve been about as useful, just not as smelly.” Most of the time.  “Not. True.” The Prince took a step forward, and Virgil quickly took a step back, eyes widening at the passion burning in the Princey’s eyes. “You aren’t useless, Edgelord. You’ve been more helpful than you’ve dreamed. A source of inspiration to everyone around you. I hardly doubt any other soul in the hospital has been able to wrap the staff and doctors so thoroughly around their little finger as quickly as you’ve done.”  More red lightning crackled around them, flashing to Virgil. He bit back a scream, his vision once more blurring as he fell to his knees, hugging himself tightly. The ice in his chest feeling like a glacial storm of frozen needles. “You...You can’t know that.” He choked out.  Princey smirked, moving closer. “I can too. Everyone is waiting to hear that your surgery is a success. That you’ve woken up.”  “But…” Virgil worked to keep breathing, flinching at the lightening crackling all around them. “I haven’t woken up.” “Of course not.” Princey paused, towering over him. “You’re still in surgery. They’re prepping now to remove that black demon that’s been masquerading as your heart.” He pointed to Virgil’s chest.  Virgil looked down and fell backwards with a yelp, his hand scrambling to brush at his bare chest, the hoodie having vanished.  There crouched over his heart, like a malevolent tick with beady yellow eyes, was a creature that could only be described as a demon. “GET IT OFF ME!” He yelled, his hand unable to close around the blackened thing digging its talons deep into his chest. Withered prune like wings shifted on the thing's back as the creature hissed, frost wafting from it’s mouth to fall upon Virgil’s skin, turning it blue. Virgil shivered, gritting his teeth as again and again he tried to pull the thing off of him, but his fingers slipped over an invisible barrier preventing him from doing so. Why couldn’t he touch it?!  “Well, that proves it then.” Princey said, kneeling next to Virgil.  “Proves what?” Virgil demanded, flicking his eyes up to the Prince and back to the demon, only to lift his head once more in surprise, staring at him. “Why in the world are you glowing, Princey?” A soft red ring of light had appeared out of nowhere, surrounding him.  He smiled. “I said I had a vested interest in whether or not you deserved to get the heart, did I not, Edgelord?”  “And I thought we agreed I didn’t.” Virgil said with a frown. Did the demon on his chest prove that further? Was he unhealable? He was going to die in this surgery wasn’t he.  “You agreed with yourself that you didn’t, but.” Princey reached up to his jacket and pulled it apart. Holding his hand over his bare chest, the red glow surrounding him flowed to center itself underneath his palm in a swirling cloud. “I agreed to no such thing.” The red glow brightened further, coalescing to form a brilliant red and gold dragon.  “Whoa.” Virgil breathed, eyes wide, momentarily forgetting the ugly withered thing crouched on top of his own chest. “It’s...it’s…”  “Yours.” “Mi--??” Virgil cut off as it hit him. I’m already dead.          There’s a heart that has matched to you. I have a vested interest.               You ready for a new heart, Virgil?  Virgil’s vision blurred, his eyes burning. He was such an idiot for not seeing it sooner. “The heart.” He choked out. “The heart that became available.” He blinked to clear his sight, to see Princey grinning at him. How could he smile in the face of this! “It’s yours.”  “Was.” Princey corrected with a shrug. “Won’t have much use for it anymore.” He stroked the dragon’s back fondly, before he gently pulled the creature off of his chest, holding it tenderly in his hand. “One more quest to complete, one last heroic act.” He said, quietly.  The dragon whined, curling up tightly into a ball, the bright red fading into a dull glow.  Princey looked up, his own eyes shimmering. “Take good care of my heart, alright, Edgelord?”  No, no. It was too...Why him? Why did this man have to die so that Virgil could live?! It wasn’t fair. “I...I...how can I...” Virgil shook his head. “Princey...I--” “Roman.” Virgil blinked. “Huh?” “My name’s Roman.” Roman said, holding out his free hand. Oh, OH. Virgil reached out to shake it. “Virgil.” “Virgil.” Roman repeated, nodding. “A good name for a valiant Knight.” His eyes softened. “Live up to the name, alright?” He let go, but instead of withdrawing his hand, he plunged it down, his fingers piercing through the demon’s skin like a hot knife through butter.

The demon screamed an ear shattering shriek as it convulsed, claws digging in deep, sending ice shooting through Virgil’s veins.

Virgil cried out in turn, a muffled noise compared to the demon’s cries. He went limp as Roman pulled the shriveling demon off of him. His lungs shuddered, struggling to work as vivid red and purple lightning lit up the space, blinding him. “Breathe, Virgil. It will be fine.” Roman’s voice echoed distantly in his ears.  FINE?! He couldn’t MOVE! It was only getting colder. He was drowning in the arctic. This was it. This was-- Warmth blossomed in the center of his chest, a loud thrumming sound radiating from there as Virgil gasped, his back arching at the fire that seemed to race through his veins. His eyes opened enough to see the dragon, now glowing a bright red and purple crouching on his chest, it's wings spreading out to cover him. Virgil screamed, tears welling, fingers spasming. This was too much. It was Too hot! He was burning up! The dragon was roasting him alive. He was dyi-- “Courage, Braveheart.” Roman’s voice said calmly, a warm hand briefly touching his shoulder as the orange world around him shattered, dissolving into darkness. “You got this.”  To Be Continued  Chapter 4  Epilogue

[constantlywaiting]

for auld lang syne

percy jackson fic debut! I figured I’d have to post eventually. shoutout to @annabethlancaster22 for not laughing and @bananannabeth, since I practically studied her format and writing style to learn how to write fanfic, and she’s basically my inspiration. here goes nothing!!!

“Are you just going to sit here all night?”

Percy takes another slow swig of his beer from his spot on the couch and raises his eyes to meet Piper’s. “You know of anything better to do?” “For Christ’s sakes Percy, liven up a little- it’s a party,” she says, her hand on her hip.

A pretty crappy party at that, in Percy’s opinion. The flat is full of college freshmen who are too loud and too drunk and way too promiscuous- he can’t even get up for a drink without being surrounded by handsy eighteen year olds looking for his phone number and a New Year’s kiss.

He’d left Leo on the dance floor- the DJ was playing a resoundingly five-dollars-an-hour set list of hits from 2002- and retreated to the dimly lit living room, where two guys were discussing football fixtures, and a young couple was making out in front of a small television showing live footage from Times Square.

“I think I’ll just chill out over here,” he says, as Piper rolls her eyes and heads off to find Jason. 

The two guys are still talking about football, but the couple have managed to break loose of one another for just about long enough to go dancing. It’s way too stuffy in the room, and Percy is just about to get up and find some fresh air when somebody flops down onto the sofa beside him.

Annabeth sinks back into the cushions, pushing her mussed hair up off her sweaty forehead- she’s clearly been dancing- and Percy is ridiculously aware of the very limited space between her thigh and his. Out of breath, she sighs dramatically and turns to face him.

“Remind me again why we’re not in a bar downtown?”

“We promised Nico we’d come to his new boyfriend’s party,” Percy answers, glancing through the doorway to where Will Solace stands chatting to a girl with fiery red hair, one arm slung casually around Nico, who looks unusually cheerful.

“Oh yeah,” Annabeth mumbles, sounding newly dejected. Her white shirt rides up her stomach a little as she leans back in her seat, and Percy swallows hard.

He doesn’t know exactly when he fell in love with her, but he remembers the moment he realised it as though it were yesterday. They were sitting on the beach in Montauk during spring break of senior year, just the two of them and their old friend Grover, and she had grains of sand stuck to her ankles and sea salt gathering at her eyebrows and hairline, and the sun was beating down and turning her hair to spun gold. She reached up to release it from her barrette, and that was it. Lightning strike. All his pining, blushing, hopeless daydreaming and awkward flirting, all his inching away and inching closer, all Piper’s sly smirks and winks and entirely unhelpful comments stem from that one moment with her hair clip. 

He’s been utterly fucked ever since.

He doesn’t realise he’s been staring at her midriff until she leans forward suddenly and sits up straight.

“I’m not drunk enough,” she announces, and gestures towards his beer. “Can I have some of that?”

He’s about to argue that the slight slur in her voice, her previous position on the couch- Annabeth rarely slouches- and the acute flush in her cheeks indicate that she’s already had plenty to drink, but she leans over and plucks the bottle from his hand before he has the chance and takes a long swallow.

“You know, I really hate New Year’s,” she declares after she comes back up for air.

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” he asks, somewhat disinterestedly- she is drunk, after all, and not at her most eloquent- as he delicately takes the bottle from her hand and places it on the coffee table, well out of her reach.

“People are just so full of shit, you know?” she continues. “Everyone thinks they’re going to be so good, and accomplish everything they hoped to in the new year. But nobody ever tries past January. People rarely work for the things they want, and then they have the nerve to be disappointed when they don’t get them. It’s so fucking stupid. Bugs me to shit”.

Percy pauses for a long while. He’s not sure what he expected her to say, but it certainly wasn’t that. He contemplates his answer, rather unsuccessfully, but in the end it doesn’t matter- their conversation is interrupted.

“Hey there, Kelp Head. Long time, no see,” his cousin Thalia says with a grin. He stands up to hug her, and she greets Annabeth in turn, asking her how she’s finding the final year of university.

Annabeth starts off on a rant about exam format, but Percy isn’t really listening. He’s too busy thinking about what she mentioned earlier, about people never working for the things they want to happen. He’s pretty sure if he asked her now she wouldn’t even remember what she’d said, but he can’t help feeling like it’s the truth. His truth.

By the time he’s snapped back to reality the room has filled with people waiting for the countdown, and Piper has appeared at his side, Jason standing behind her with a hand resting on her shoulder. She digs Percy in the ribs and grins.

“Glad to see you’re standing up,” she jokes. 

He glances at the clock on the TV- twenty seconds until midnight. Annabeth links his opposite arm with hers and begins counting down with the others.

Percy’s thoughts race at a million miles an hour. He’s liked Annabeth, loved her, even, since the end of high school. That’s- what- three, four years? And in all that time he’s never made a single move that might lead her to believe he had feelings for her. Not one gesture to suggest he could be thinking of her in a more than platonic way.

“10, 9…”

Maybe he’s only thinking like this because he’s drunk. But she’s drunk too. If he goes for it, she might not even remember. It’s not exactly security, but it’s something. If it backfires he could always pretend that he was too drunk to remember.

“6, 5…”

It’s New Year’s Eve, so it’s not like it would ruin their friendship or anything, right? Would it?

“3, 2…”

Fuck it, he decides, and as the ball drops and the clock strikes midnight, he catches her by the waist and kisses her like he’s been dying to do since he was seventeen years old. 

Her lips are soft and her mouth is sweet and her eyelashes brush the top of his cheekbones. 

It’s over almost as quickly as it started, but when he pulls away Annabeth’s eyes are wide and her jaw is slack. She looks like someone’s dumped ice water over her head, wide awake and stone cold sober, and Percy is so horrified by her expression that he turns to grab Piper and kiss her too in an attempt to pass it off as a totally shit-faced friendship thing.

Before he can, however, Annabeth snatches the back of his t-shirt and swings him around to her, burying her fingers in his hair and pulling him back to her mouth.

He doesn’t quite realise the gravity of the situation until the next morning when he wakes up in her bed, her bare body pressed against his, where she shoots him a little smile and causes all the wires in his brain to short circuit as she tells him that maybe, just maybe, New Year’s isn’t so bad after all.

(And when she leans across to kiss him, he doesn’t need to open his eyes to see the fireworks).

yaaay happy new year everyone! feedback/constructive criticism is much appreciated :))

[seven-oomen]

Hi, Ben!  I hope your day is going a bit better than yesterday, despite the financial woes.  I spent a large chunk of yesterday trying to pay a bill a day late (because with everything else going on it just kinda snuck up on me and it was past midnight before I realized I’d forgotten it), only to find out I have to now wait until NEXT month’s bill posts and it will combine them, but at that point I can split it into two payments instead of paying two months at once?  Which is really stupid to me, and I don’t know why it won’t just let me pay now, but oh well.  Can’t do anything about it now.

We seem to maybe be past the worst of the storm?  At least, it hasn’t rained or anything all day so far.  The biggest concern by far has been ice build up, because most of what we got was freezing rain and wintry mix.  I’ve included a lovely collage of some of the sights from my adventures taking out trash and trying to remove the ice from my windshield this morning (I figured since I was already dressed and outside anyway, why not have less to do before work tomorrow?)  It wouldn’t have been so bad if it hadn’t involved draping myself across my still ice-coated car to get the middle of the windshield.  I ended up soaking wet from my ribs to almost my knees (yay for being short.)  Also, I didn’t bother looking for my gloves, but then my nails were actually fairly useful for prying up some of the ice, so.  And I’m really kind of digging masks as a scarf alternative.  All the face and breath protection, none of the accidental choking or not staying in place.  (Scarves are pretty and all, but they’re far better on someone like Isaac, who is tall and slender and elegant.  I am none of those things.  XD )  I’m half tempted to reread The Way I Tend To Be or the last couple chapters of If You Want This Dance to not feel like the only one suffering. XD  Although sadly I do not have access to the more successful warming methods present in either of those fics.  XD

And from the looks of it I got about half the descriptions from the links.  Everything else showed fine, I think it was just because those were longer.  And now I definitely feel like Dichali would not be helpful in the least to this overly serious hunter who shows up trying to muscle in on his territory (whether you’re considering it in the literal, figurative, personal, OR professional sense. ;D )  Especially once he realizes that he’s a hunter (no, it doesnt matter how hot he is. XD )  Will Faron know that he’s a wolf when they meet?  (Or will he be suffering from the far more mundane issue of “how are you both so cute, yet so goddamn annoying?!  Fml.” XD )  Will seeing Faron’s interactions with Nate be what helps him realize his own feelings, or will it be something else?  (How will the presence of a new contender affect the betting pool?  XD )  Also, now curious about the other parent of his twins, too.  (I know, I know, I ask that everytime, but I can’t help it.  There’s always so many possibilities, some of which could come back to haunt them [possibly even literally…])  Is he the wolf that was videoed, or was it someone else?  Does he know who it was if it wasn’t him?  Are either of his kids werewolves (or are they too young to know yet?)  Are wolves only born or only made or both in this universe? Also now wondering if Old Faithful is just like an ancient sleeping dragon or something, instead of a regular geyser.

Also, a question occurred to me, and I really, REALLY hope it doesn’t come across wrong, I REALLY don’t mean it to, but if, theoretically, a person’s scent, to a werewolf, if comprised of both things like pheromones and chemosignals, as well as more, uh, physically based, bodily fluid-type scents, if you will, could a werewolf potentially tell if someone is trans by their scent?  (This mostly came from randomly remembering the scene in Pitch Black where Riddick outs the girl who’s been disguising herself as a boy, and then my brain wouldn’t let it go.  Again, I’m really sorry if it comes across weird or offensive in any way.)  And I also wanted to say that if you’d really rather not post any of this stuff (re: your novel) online, you are more than welcome to just email a reply if you want.  I just tend to send stuff this way out of habit.  :D

Glad you liked the DinLuke idea.  It was mostly inspired by a GIFset of scenes of Din not understanding Jedi stuff in the least.  I just figured he’d never be able to fully believe that Luke could just KNOW nothing was there, and, well, no one is supposed to see his face, right?  And he strikes me as just enough of a himbo to completely forget about covering anything else.  One day I will finally see the show, if only to see how correct some of the impressions I’ve formed actually are.  XD

Also, OMG, the “hunters using an adult shop instead of an outdoors/sporting goods shop” thing is brilliant.  And I was thinking of it in regards to TW, because I feel like there’d likely be some classist issues at play there, too.  Like I feel like the Argents would never think to do something like that (well…maybe Kate…), just because they already HAVE all those stockpiles and connections to military-esque supplies, and there’s a certain level of dignity they tend to reinforce (the Winchesters ain’t really all that proud, for all their infamy.)  But then, say, when Noah starts helping Chris with investigating stuff, he’s thinking of all the stuff he’s heard over the years from the vice cops about what they’ve found and seen, and some of the stuff he’s seen on DV calls that turned out to just be neighbors misunderstanding what they were hearing, (and maybe one or two sneaky trips to an out-of-county shop so that he could attempt to be more prepared once Stiles was old enough to start asking questions because he knew it’d probably get weird), so when he decides to stock up on some equipment of his own that’s where he goes, because it’s high quality, specifically designed for what they need, and likely far more affordable.  And the first time Chris sees some of it he thinks it’s both brilliant and kinda hot (and he can’t decide if he wants to know what some of this stuff is actually intended for or not.  Noah is totally willing to help him learn if he’d like. ;D )

Anyway, I’m rambling again.  I hope your day is going as well as it can, and that you’re generally feeling as good as possible.  (And hey, it doesn’t always matter so much if what your eating right now isn’t as healthy as it could be, as long as you’re trying to eat reasonable amounts on a regular schedule to help keep the habit going.  And either way you can always try again.)  Take care, stay warm and stay hydrated!  (I’m not much of a mom friend, but I do my best at being the aunt friend.  XD )  *Hugs to you both!*

Okay, I will email you some stuff since I don’t want to share too much info on Tumblr, but I def want to share a few things.

As for how I’m doing, it’s going okay today. I feel like I accomplished some things with my characters even though I wrote little, but the story and world is a lot clearer and lively in my head. And I know how I want to start this story now.

Physically, I could be better. I got little done physically, and I def had a few moments where I just laid on my couch and couldn’t move. My chessboard has a lot of dark pieces moving to the middle today. It’s a metaphor I have in my house, an actual mini chessboard on my coffee table, where I am the chessboard. The dark pieces are my dark thoughts, and the light pieces are my happy thoughts.

Some days, white moves forward the most. Some days black has the upper hand. But whatever day I have, I am never just the pieces; I am the board and I am the one constant dealing with those pieces. But they are just there, there are never me. Good or bad, they are just pieces. Having the physical element in my home reminds me of that.

Sorry, I went off on a tangent there.

And I definitely get the short problem when having to clean cars, or wearing scarfs. Although I think I pull my green one off relatively well. (I am 5′4 though, so anything long becomes a choking hazard)

The ice is pretty and dangerous though; I guess that’s its duality. But it sucks that everything is so slippery, hope that clears up soon. I think it’s slowly thawing here, so hopefully, my groceries can be delivered properly today. Fingers crossed.

Hope work tomorrow also goes well. Please be careful on the road?

Also, that’s a nice car, looks really reliable. ^^

And I hope that you too will be in better financial waters soon <3 We got this my friend.

And the Mandalorian is soooo good though, I highly recommend it! 

Yeah honestly, I thought that idea was quite brilliant and I kinda feel like putting it in the first draft as well. Though it could definitely work for a lot of TW fics too! 

Noah would be more than happy to teach Chris all about his new toys I’d feel like. And Chris would not mind one bit XD.

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

Fragile Hearts Ch. 3: I Want Your Midnights

Remember you can commission me for continuations with just 5 dollars!!! <3 </i>

Click the OP if the READ MORE link does not show!

Click here for chapter 1

Click Here for Ch. 2

Of course a big thank you to the person who commissioned! 

READ ON AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11928798/chapters/26961477

A TRIGGER WARNING- dubious consent/implied assault (in the past NOT between hidge)

You should know that I was debating this chapter and where it went for a while before deciding to go ahead and keep it as it was. I actually had to get my guy friend’s input on it.

I’ve always said that I wanted to write reality. I’ve always wanted to write stories that incorporate the real world, not just some fantasy life. I believe that the things we are shielded from in literature, those things that place banned books on a list together, are all things that need to be talked about. So I’m hoping that you all as reader can understand that too.

Please feel free to stop reading if it gets uncomfortable. I promise the chapter after will pick up just fine. But if you are willing to read it, please understand why I write what I write. These things happen. And they aren’t talked about. In a sense, I was also sort of imposing my experiences on these characters. Writing is therapeutic for me and I tend to do so often before I realize it.

I’ve sort of hinted at it with Pidge in previous chapters, but this one explains a little further. There is no explicit detail, I know I may be making it out to seem like a scene from The Kite Runner or something, but no. I just know that a lot of people tend to get offended if not warned about the slightest possible trigger so I’m trying to take precautions.

I hope you all continue to read and watch this love story develop! 

Thank you all for reading!

These butterflies were not welcome. Not in the slightest. They made everything so complicated. And it wasn’t a simple fluttering or even a swarm. It was a fucking tsunami of butterflies every single time she knew Hunk was coming around and every single time as he left.

It was strange though. As soon as Hunk was there with her, as soon as he hugged her and started conversation, they went away. And Pidge felt so comfortable, hours could pass without her realizing just by joking and talking and catching up. It was like her butterflies were sedated by his presence. She was thankful because said sedation kept her from acting weird around him. Hunk knew her too well, and he would easily pick up on her acting different around him.

He stopped by the apartment every day after work to say hi to her and Matt. And he’d stay to talk into the late hours of the night. Typically, Matt would end up excusing himself to sleep, leaving Pidge and Hunk to talk and laugh.

They had a habit of always reverting to food. Somehow, each conversation would veer off until Pidge was asking Hunk about his baking and cooking. And each time, Pidge found herself smiling at the light that came into Hunk’s eyes when he talked about it. Whether it was about umami and how he had to get ingredients to react together just right for that special taste, or if it was about the serenity of icing cakes, or the excitement each time a customer freaked out over the intricateness of their cake. It didn’t matter. Hunk would light up and ramble, and Pidge could feel herself falling a little more for him with each word.

One night, Pidge joined him at his apartment to enjoy a few drinks. She didn’t like drinking around Matt, partially because she always felt like she was still 15 in his eyes. But he would also always be just an 18 year-old in hers. Besides, it was a big day! Hunk had gotten booked for cakes for the entire month of January and it was New Year’s Eve!

New Year’s Day was a Monday, so Matt had taken a single shot of whiskey and gone to bed.

Meanwhile, Pidge was still on vacation and Hunk had closed the bakery for tomorrow. They were just fine sitting in his apartment drinking cheap champagne out of the bottle as they watched fireworks through the window.

“Any resolutions, Pidge?” he asked.

“To graduate. Get a job.” She looked over at him and passed him the bottle. “You?”

He tipped the bottle back and sighed. “I don’t know. Every year since we got back, I tell myself I’m gonna find the others. Just to know they’re okay. But I can never bring myself to.”

She frowned and hoisted herself up to sit on the window ledge. “Why not?”

“Because we all lost contact for a reason, right? We remind each other of… bad times and…. They wouldn’t want to see me. Lance was my best friend, and if he hasn’t reached out to me, it’s because he doesn’t want me reaching out to him. We’re our own reminders of war, Pidge.” She looked down at her hands and furrowed her eyebrows. “Shit. I didn’t mean…. You’re not….”

“It’s okay,” she said offering him a smile. “I get it.”

“No,” he insisted, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The champagne is making my words come out funny. It’s just….” He took a breath and looked at Pidge. “I’m happy I saw you again. I don’t want you to disappear, even though I know you’re okay. I miss Lance and Keith and Shiro, but I’m scared they won’t want to see me. Yeah, we all needed distance at first; we’re all we had on the castle for like four years. But now I just want things back to how they used to be.”

She smiled and leaned her head back. “You mean, me posing as a guy and Lance and Keith competing in everything?” He laughed and shook his head. “Yeah I get it. When I saw you at the bakery, I kind of panicked. I wondered if seeing me would upset you.”

“I wondered that too. If I’d upset you, or if I’d get upset unconsciously. But honestly, all I’ve felt since I saw you again has been relief.” She smiled at him, the blush in her cheeks not only from the alcohol buzzing happily in her brain, but from the closeness and the quiet words. “I’m so happy you’re back in my life, Katie Holt.”

She turned away, unable to contain her smile. “You’re getting sappy, Garrett.” She hopped off the windowsill and took his hand. “Come on. Now isn’t the time for gloom. We’re gonna get trashed and we’re gonna reign in the new year smiling!”

He laughed and followed her to the kitchen where they poured themselves another drink. And then another. And another. Hunk turned on some music and cleared the living room where they stumbled around, claiming to dance, laughing so hard their stomachs hurt.

Pidge felt warm and her face was probably hurting from smiling so much, but she couldn’t feel it. She’d opened the window and the apartment was so cold, her fingers were numb. She and Hunk kept slurring words, laughing at each other dancing clumsily around the living room. Suddenly fireworks went off one after another, screams and squeals of delight rising up to the apartment window.

“What time’s it?” Pidge asked, dragging herself to the couch as she recovered from a laughing fit. “M’God, Hu-unk!” He hummed and plopped down beside her. “We missed the coun’dow,’” she whined.

“We can make our own,” he said. “Okay, okay. Ready? Ten! Nine! Eight!” Pidge laughed and leaned over, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He blinked rapidly and chuckled softly. “You’re s’posed to wait till zero.”

“Oh. Whoops.” He chuckled and looked at her, unfocused eyes and breath that smelled sweet from the Disaronno liquor. “Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year, Pidge.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek, and suddenly every cold, numb feeling went away and her entire body was alive with warmth and joy. She bit her lip to contain her smile, glancing at him.

He was so close. His dark skin lighting up with the fireworks outside, the steady beat of whatever song was playing from the television. She could just lean forward and give in and blame it on being drunk.

If it weren’t for the sudden lurch of her stomach.

She took a breath and swallowed hard. “Gotta use the bathroom,” she mumbled, standing unsteadily as she walked to the bathroom. He followed behind her, asking if she was okay, but she didn’t trust herself to talk.

The good thing about being drunk is that you’re never really too aware of the moment you throw up. Pidge always hated being sick, but it wasn’t so terrible when she was drunk. It just sort of happened until she was… sort of done.

She was vaguely aware of a hand at her back, vaguely realized she should be embarrassed.

She flushed the toilet, cleaned her mouth, and looked back at Hunk with a smile. “I think I drank too much.”

Hunk smiled and shook his head, his arm wrapped around her middle as he pulled her back against him. He ran his fingers through the waves of hair on one side as she sighed. For a moment it was just them, sleepy and drunk on the bathroom floor.

“’M cold an’ tired,” she whispered.

“You should rest. I’ll sleep on-” he hiccupped, “couch.”

She shook her head and tilted her head back. “No. You’re warm. Stay with me.”

“Mkay.”

It took a while before they both stood and made their way to Hunk’s room to sleep. He lent her a pair of basketball short and a shirt that she changed into before crawling under the covers and promptly falling asleep.

***

When Pidge woke up, the room was cold and unfamiliar. She turned over, groaning at the throbbing in her head, the disgusting taste in her mouth, and burn in her stomach. She kicked her feet, seeking comfort until her leg brushed against someone’s much warmer leg. She turned and saw Hunk sleeping on his stomach, turned away from her.

For a second, she panicked.

Had they done anything the night before? Had she said something stupid?

But then again, this was Hunk. She could trust him with her life. And she didn’t feel any different from a normal mediocre hangover. She was fully clothed… in his clothes, which were very comfortable. Everything was fine.

She nudged him and grumbled, turning his head. “Hunk, wake up,” she prodded, her voice hoarse.

He groaned and blinked, adjusting to the light in the room. “Whoa. Uh, morning,” he said with a light blush on his cheeks.

“Why is your room so cold?”

“I know I had the heater on yesterday. I dunno.” She shivered and curled into a fetal position. “You okay?”

“Hangover aside, yeah. Just cold.” She heard the chiming bells of her ringtone as a call came in. “Shit. Where’s my phone? Where are my pants?”

“What?” She got up and heard his sigh of relief. “Oh my God, okay. Okay. I need food.”

He stood as she searched the bathroom for her clothes, cursing the cold as she shivered. A hangover was bad enough, and shivering from the cold wasn’t helping. When she found her phone, she answered and looked herself in the mirror, cringing at the way her hair stuck up in odd places, tangling itself.

“Hello?”

“Good morning, Pidge,” Matt chuckled. “You sound like shit.”

“Thanks, asshole.”

“Do I want to know what happened last night over there?”

Pidge huffed and ran her hand through her hair, trying to fix it. God, Hunk woke up to see her like this? “Nothing.”

“So you’re not hungover?” She cringed at the prospect of Matt knowing that. “Just tell me this isn’t the beginning of you two dating, because I promise my speech at the wedding will begin with, ‘So they got drunk on New Year’s and that’s what bring you all here!’”

“Oh my God. Matt!” He laughed, and she sat on the toilet seat cover. “No, nothing happened. I’ll be home in a bit, okay?”

“Drink water, eat food. I’ll be at work though, so I wanted to call.”

“Will do. And okay, I’ll probably just sleep until you get back then. Happy New Year’s, Matt. Love you.”

“Love you too, Pidge.”

She hung up and sighed before going to the sink to at least wash her mouth with mouthwash. She walked out, feeling embarrassed and gross and weird. She hugged her body and followed the scent of food to the kitchen.

“I found the reason the place was so cold. I think we opened the window at some point and forgot to close it,” Hunk said. She chuckled and sat down, watching him move expertly around the kitchen. Suddenly, he turned and leaned onto the counter to face her. His face was surprisingly red despite his dark skin. “Did I trespass at all? I just… I feel like there’s something I should apologize for, and I can’t remember much from yesterday and-”

Pidge laughed and threw a rage at his face to shut him up. “Relax Hunk. As far as I remember you were an absolute gentleman.” She blushed and looked down. “And if you’re asking what I think you’re asking, no I don’t think that happened. I… feel the same. And I’m pretty sure I’d feel different.”

“You haven’t…?”

She shook her head. “My dating life hasn’t been the best, dude. I don’t like the idea of sleeping around for fun. Not… for my first time.” She cleared her throat then glanced at him. “H-have you?”

He nodded and looked away again. “I was… in a bad place the first time. I had a girlfriend and she was a little… pushy? Manipulative?”

“A bitch,” Pidge supplied in a clipped tone.

Hunk just chuckled. “Yeah, that’s another way to put it. I don’t know. I was lonely. I didn’t want to let her go. It didn’t last though. Maybe a month max?” He shrugged. “After that it was a blind date my coworker set me up with. I wasn’t really into it, I didn’t know her much. Took weeks for me to feel like myself. That’s why… I just wanted to know I hadn’t fucked up again.”

Pidge took a shaking breath and bit her lip. Hunk’s back was to her, but she looked at him anyway. “Well, you didn’t. I promise.” She couldn’t help the way her heart sank, though. The idea of Hunk with other girls…. None of them would know him as well as she did. “I thought you said you hadn’t dated.”

“Mm, no. You asked about Shay. Not about anyone else.”

She hummed and messed with the hem of the oversized shirt she was wearing. She began to wonder if there would ever be a day when she and Hunk would be more than this. Best friends that got drunk together. It wasn’t horrible, but… Pidge really wanted more.

She wanted those things she’d seen in movies. The dates, the flowers, the period mixtape- she saw that movie once, and that one gift stuck with her since- the handholding, the gentle kisses, the dancing in the living room in the middle of the night. Her roommate told her to stop listening to Taylor Swift each time another boy proved to be an absolute idiot, but Pidge couldn’t help it. The music was catchy.

More specifically, she found herself wanting those things with Hunk. Because there was no one else she felt this comfortable around. No one else she felt she could be her absolute self with. Who better to understand the nightmares, the memories, to listen to her go on and on about engineering and technology and inventions, to see her as more than a girl and her body parts?

“You okay?” She blinked and refocused.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good. Sorry, this headache is driving me nuts. Plus I think I just remembered I threw up last night.” She grimaced as she tried to piece together fragments of memory. There had definitely been a bathroom involved.

Hunk’s eyebrows went up and for some reason, his cheeks reddened. “Okay, I actually remember that now. You actually laughed it off.” Pidge grimaced and hid her face in her hands. “Here, this’ll make you feel better,” he said. He gave her a rectangle with Spam and rice wrapped in seaweed. “Masubi. Quick and easy to make. Excellent for hangovers.”

“Thank you, you are a saint.” She bit into it and before she knew it, the food was gone. It was small, but still even Hunk was smirking at her. “I was hungry,” she muttered.

Hunk was happy to continue supplying masubi for them both as they regained their strength.

“So what are you doing today?”

“Nothing, I don’t think. Matt’s working, so I’ll probably just relax at home.”

“You know, we still have that movie to go watch. I don’t know if it’s still in theaters, but… we could check?” Pidge raised an eyebrow and allowed herself a smile. “You up for it?”

“Definitely.”

–

What the hell was a date? Pidge looked it up in the car. The word was defined as a social or romantic appointment or engagement. So… it was a date. But what kind of date? Romantic or social? And why was not knowing making Pidge sweat more than usual?

She just really wished she could tell what Hunk thought of her. Sure, they’d only met back up recently, but… well they were best friends. Did Hunk still see her as the fifteen-year old who’d passed as a boy? Or did he see her as a little sister? Was she too much like one of the guys? He’d called her beautiful, hadn’t he? Or was it pretty? They were different. They had different connotations, so it mattered. God, and she’d woken up in his bed that morning.

“What’s chewing at you over there?”

Pidge took a sharp breath and chuckled. “Nothing. Sorry.” Hunk looked over at her and frowned.

He didn’t say much aside from that as they drove and Pidge tried not to berate herself for being so awkward. Of course it wasn’t a fucking romantic date. She was wearing the same jeans from the day before and one of Hunk’s button ups with most of it tucked into her waist. She was still gulping down water to replenish that which she’d lost the night before. And now she was just making it weird.

Things felt somewhat okay once they were in the theater, hands shoving the other’s out of the way for better access to popcorn as they tried not to giggle too loudly, each with an Icee and a shared box of Whopper chocolates. The movie they’d gone to see wasn’t in theaters anymore, so they’d decided to watch the newest Star Wars. Even though she’d never seen any of the other Star Wars movies, Pidge didn’t have a problem staying up this time.

When the movie ended, they talked about the realities of space wars versus that which Hollywood had created. That was most of the ride until Hunk had taken her to get food at Chick-Fil-A. They ate in the parking lot inside the car with the radio on, talking about what they looked forward to that year.

“It’s funny. Last year, I think I just binged a Netflix show New Year’s day,” Hunk said. “I never expected that I’d be spending the day with you just a year later.”

She smiled and shrugged. “Who knows, maybe by next year, we’ll manage to find the others. We could all go to New York. I’ve been wanting to see the Rockefeller tree.” She licked her thumb and forefinger clean before reaching for her lemonade. “I have another break for Easter, but I don’t know if I can afford to come out here again. You and Matt should road trip to see me. Just a suggestion.”

“Suggestion, right.” He smiled and Pidge stuck her tongue out at him. “That’d be fun. Then it’s your turn to be a tour guide.”

She snorted and shook her head. “I barely leave my campus, what makes you think I don’t need a tour guide?”

“Oh my God, Pidge.” She shrugged again and finished her last piece of chicken.

“You know what would go great with the rest of these fries?”

Hunk met her eyes and smiled. “Oh, hell yeah. Let’s do it.” He drove back into the drive thru and ordered an ice cream cone for them both, along with freshly made, large fries. They parked in their same spot and sang along to the radio as they ate their ice cream and watched a light fall of snow outside.

“How much longer are you staying?” Hunk asked.

“I have to be back by the 14th.”

“So we’ve got two weeks to make up for about five lost years.”

“Sounds impossible.” Hunk looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “I accept the challenge.” He broke into a smile and it made the hurricane of butterflies come back full force.

–

Pidge got back to Matt’s place with enough time to plop onto her bed and mull over the day’s events for about fifteen minutes before she heard the door open and close again.

“Wakey wakey, Pidge!” he called. “You home?”

“He’s had sex,” was the first thing Pidge could think to respond as she stared at her ceiling helplessly.

Matt appeared at her doorway with a confused, slightly disturbed expression. “Okay, it’s gonna be one of those talks. Come on, sis, I’ll make some hot chocolate. With marshmallows, because what are we? Animals?” She managed to scoff out a laugh. Then she let herself slip off the bed and grabbed an extra blanket as she followed Matt to the kitchen. Sure, it was a weird conversation to have, but they were both adults, and… he was all she had. Besides, it wasn’t the first time she’d talked to him about uncomfortable things.

She was the one he went to whenever her heart got broken or her sort-of friends made a passing comment that upset her just because she wasn’t like them. She didn’t have prom, she didn’t get high with friends, she didn’t have her first kiss during a game of spin the bottle. She had training and wars and a family to find. Matt was always there.

“Is that his shirt?”

“Yeah. I didn’t wanna wear the same one from yesterday.”

He nodded. “So what’s going on?” he asked as he stirred the milk.

She burrowed herself with the blanket and rested her head on the table. “We were talking and he mentioned that he’s had sex and I don’t know why but it bothers me. Everything got awkward. And I can’t tell if we went on a date or not.”

Matt sighed and stirred in the chocolate. “Katie, you’re gonna have to explain this from the beginning because I need to know the context behind this.”

She groaned and looked at him as he grabbed two mugs and continued to stir. “Um, okay. So obviously we drank.” Matt nodded. “And we can’t remember much, but when we woke up….” She trailed off uncertain how to continue. It was just so weird to talk to Matt about this because he knew them both. This wasn’t a faceless stranger Pidge was mentioning. It was Hunk.

He served the chocolate and sat down beside her. “Did you sleep together?” he asked gently. Enough to show he wasn’t teasing, and that he wouldn’t hold it against her either.

“No. No we didn’t, I know that for sure. But I guess he thought maybe we had so he was freaking out. I know we hadn’t because… well I didn’t feel different. Don’t people usually feel it when something happens?”

“I think that depends on a few factors….” It was Matt’s turn to blush. “Okay. So I take it you haven’t done anything with anyone?” She shook her head and hid her face with her drink. “I’d expect you would know the morning after. Especially if it was a drunk thing, not… planned. There’s a lot of… foreplay-”

“Please stop talking.”

“Oh thank God. I’m up for us being open with each other, but I didn’t want to give you The Talk.” Pidge grimaced and waved her hand for him to continue. “Anyway, yeah, in your case, I’d expect you’d have known if anything happened.” He snorted. “Unless he’s just that small.”

“Oh my God.”

“I’m joking! Anyway, then what happened?”

“I just assured him nothing happened, he asked if I’ve ever… you know. And I said no. Then I asked him.”

“And he said yes.”

“He explained.”

“Oh no.”

Pidge nodded and ran a hand through her hair. “He said he was in a bad place the first time. The girl was manipulative or something and he was just really hung up on her. I don’t know how many times or anything. But he said the second was with a stranger and he didn’t really want to, but he went with it and felt bad for a long time.” She sighed. “It bothered me. Knowing that some shitty girls know him that way. They didn’t deserve him.”

“That’s jealousy. Also, maybe the fact that he’s done it at all bothers you because you haven’t. Face it, Pidge. You’re a romantic.” She frowned and stared at Matt in confusion. “You wanted to be his first. First off, those experiences really don’t sound fun or healthy at all. I’m pretty sure those….” His face got solemn. “If he was coerced into those it’s basically abuse.” Pidge’s heart clenched and suddenly her own feeble jealousy didn’t even matter. Matt was right. It was no wonder Hunk seemed so jumpy. “And second, you can’t let the fact that he’s done that already, coerced or not, affect whatever relationship happens or doesn’t happen between you two. You weren’t even around him for those times. For all he knew, you would never come back into his life. People put a lot of pressure on sex meaning something huge, but it doesn’t have to and it doesn’t always mean anything. Don’t be put off by it. And don’t feel like you have to catch up either.”

“I don’t. I guess I just… felt bothered by the fact that he’s done it. But you’re right, it’s not like I was even around. It’s not like he likes me back either. Do you… really think he was forced into it?”

“Pressured mentally or emotionally. Especially if it had the toll he said it did. Hunk’s a good guy, Pidge. And you know that.” She nodded. “I know he’s not the type to sleep around for shits and giggles. He’s not the type to sleep with just anyone. Not that there’s a problem with that, I’m just saying….” She nodded and he nudged her. “So you mentioned a maybe date?”

She bit her lip and told him about the movie and the food and the ice cream in his car. “Like I said, it was a little awkward at first, and really tense. Then it went back to normal. It sounds like a date, but what if it was just a friend thing, you know? Friends go to movies and to eat.” She dipped her finger into her mug to swipe off some leftover chocolate at the bottom.

Matt stretched and nodded. “Yeah. Okay, personally, I think he likes you. And it does sound like a date. I think maybe you both wanted it to be and you’re both freaked out to say it aloud. I don’t know if it’s because you’re scared the other won’t feel the same or if you just don’t want to mess up your friendship after finding each other, but yeah. My philosophy however, is that it’s not a date if it’s not clarified with the other. Saves you from lots of embarrassment.” She huffed and brought her knees up on the chair. “You could always ask him you know?”

“I don’t have much to go off of. I can’t pick up any signs that he likes me.”

Matt snorted and counted off on his fingers. “Okay, let’s see, he’s gotten drunk with you like twice and fed you after it. Didn’t try to feel you up which gives him major points in my book- just saying. He made you an entire Christmas dinner and decorated the place. He’d planned the whole thing out with me. He lets you fall asleep on him in movies, on the couch, apparently at his place too!” Pidge blushed and placed her hands on her cheeks. “He stops by every day after work and stays until nearly three in the morning! Yeah, I can hear you two laughing. And you don’t notice how he looks at you when he first sees you because you’re busy fidgeting and trying to hide your blush.”

“Shut up!” She hid her face completely then peeked through her fingers. “What do you mean?”

He laughed and shook his head. “Oh boy.” He stood and took the mugs to the sink without responding. “You know, I do realize you’re an adult now, Katie. I figured you get drunk and go on dates and do what most people your age do. You don’t have to feel bad if you talk to me about it or try to hide it. Yeah, it’s a little weird to talk about sex with your big brother, believe me I get it. It’s a little unsettling talking about it with my little sister. But we’re all we’ve got. And I’m not going to hold anything against you, ever. I’m here for you no matter what. Okay?” Pidge nodded and stood up with her blanket draped over her. She waddled over to him and wrapped her arms around him. “I love you, Pidge.”

“Love you too, Matt. Thank you.” She stayed there for a moment, hugging her brother, feeling incredibly grateful for him. She didn’t know what she would’ve done if she hadn’t found him. She can never forget that terrible sinking feeling, the hopelessness and pain that she felt when she thought she was too late. When she thought she’d lost him forever. She hugged him a little tighter to remind herself he was real; he was okay. “I’m going to bed. Thank for talking with me.” She gave him a fist bump as she pulled away.

“Night, Pidge.”

–

Pidge decided to stop by the bakery that Wednesday. Hunk had been so exhausted after work on Tuesday, that Pidge told him to go home instead of stopping by the apartment again. The bakery had many cakes to get done by the end of the week.

She could smell the comforting scent of chocolate and vanilla and merengue frosting. She saw many customers looking at the simpler cakes for last minutes orders, people looking in as tourists in total awe by the intricate cakes. She went up to the register and smiled at the guy taking orders.

“Hey, is Hunk back there?”

“Sorry miss, the head chef can’t come out today. Though I can answer any question you might have.”

She shook her head and smiled. “Thanks, but it’s… um, is he getting a lunch hour?”

“That depends on how ahead of schedule he gets…. Um, I can let him know you’re here, but I can’t promise he’ll be able to come out.”

“It’s fine, I can wait for his lunch hour. Or just come back before closing.” She ran a hand through her hair and cleared her throat. “Thanks.”

She left the bakery quickly. What was she thinking? He was working. He was insanely busy.

But ever since Matt pointed out the emotional toil Hunk’s experiences had left him with, she’d been wanting to talk to him. To clarify. To tell him he wasn’t alone. To tell him she’d experienced the similar things when boys tried to touch her during cuddles or tried to get her drunk to “loosen her up.”

She knew they were both strong people. They’d piloted lions, fought in wars, had gone through hell and made it out alive. Still, somehow humans managed to fuck them over more than any Galra could. They weren’t supposed to keep fighting on Earth. But now it wasn’t evil alien emperors trying to hurt them… it was humans. And that made things so much harder because while they could tell a Galra was evil, you couldn’t always tell a person was. And the body either freezes, fights, or flees.

Pidge had worked hard to not berate herself for freezing. She couldn’t think of anything else to do. The shock of some stupid boy managing to get past her defenses better than a fucking Galra had shocked her into stillness and silence. And then she fought. And then she fled.

She wanted to tell Hunk it wasn’t his fault. She wanted to tell him that she understood. That just because they’d been in war didn’t make them invincible. She just…. She wanted to be there for him now that she was there.

Still, she’d stuffed that experience to the very back of her mind and digging it back up now made her feel anxious. She’d been in therapy for PTSD in regards to the war thanks to the Garrison. Thankfully she had still been in therapy when that happened, so she was able to work through it with both Matt and the therapist’s help. Did Hunk have any of that? Was he even aware of the truth behind those experiences, or did he shrug it off because he was a guy? Even Pidge hadn’t realized it until Matt pointed it out.

Pidge walked around aimlessly trying to get her thoughts together.

She returned just before closing and managed to get Hunk’s attention. He brightened and let her in while he finished cleaning up a bit.

“I was just about to head over to your place. What’s up? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” she said with a smile. She looked around where the other chefs were finishing up their areas and waving goodbye. “I was actually wondering if we could talk?”

Hunk frowned and put his rag down. “Of course…. What is it?”

She looked at him and wondered if she was doing the right thing there. Was it right for her to bring up something he probably hadn’t mulled over? To shed light on something he probably wasn’t even aware of? Maybe not…. But it would be worse if she kept it to herself. If she didn’t dispel the misconception. She thought about his expression when he asked if he’d done anything. How he’d thought he fucked up again. But he never had. It had never been his fault. It was eating at him even if he didn’t know it, and Pidge couldn’t let that continue.

“Pidge?” Hunk looked worried now, nearing her.

“Um…. I just…. You seemed really tense at first when we went to go see the movie. I was wondering why. Did it… have anything to do with how we woke up?”

Hunk’s expression fell and he returned to cleaning. “Um…. I mean…. Sort of? It’s just, I couldn’t remember a lot, and you seemed uncomfortable too, so I thought… maybe I’d done something and you just didn’t want to tell me. And I freaked out because you’re my best friend, and if I hurt you-”

“You didn’t. You didn’t do anything to me. Hunk, you are a good person.” He smiled at her and nodded as he rinsed out his rag. “Is this… about the other girls?”

Hunk turned to her and frowned again. “The ones I mentioned? No, not really…. I just… I fucked up then. I did that out of loneliness and stupidity. I promised myself if I ever did anything with anyone it would mean something. And I wouldn’t feel like crap because of it.”

This was her in. This was when she could explain. “Those weren’t your fault, Hunk,” she whispered. “Those girls…. They forced you to do those things by exploiting your loneliness. You said it yourself, you… you got manipulated and-”

“Hey,” Hunk said, taking her hand. “Calm down. You’re shaking.”

“It happened to me too.”

There was a long pause before Hunk managed to ask, “What?”

Pidge let herself plop onto the floor and just like that it came tumbling out. Her frustration, her struggle, her experience. She’d started to cry but whether it was because of the memories or the frustration, she wasn’t sure. “It wasn’t you, Hunk. You know that, don’t you? It doesn’t make you weak or- or-”

“Pidge, come here.” Hunk pulled her against him and took her hands. “I know. I know, I do. I did talk to someone. They told me the same. But it’s not necessarily fun to bring it into a conversation, is it?” He squeezed her hands and smiled. “Thank you for talking to me about it, though. It means a lot. And I’m glad you felt you could trust me with yours. Hey.” He touched her chin gently, and she looked up at him. “I don’t think you’re weak either. You’re the strongest girl I know.” She smiled weakly. “We’re survivors in so many ways, aren’t we?”

She chuckled and nodded. “When do we get a break?”

“Honestly? I feel like I catch a break whenever I’m with you.” She met his eyes and felt a blush fill her cheeks. “You’re my best friend, Pidge.” She nodded, trying not to let the disappointment show. He sees her as only a friend. That was fine. “Here, I should get you home. It’s almost one in the morning.”

The ride back felt oddly light. She felt like she’d lifted a weight she hadn’t even known she was carrying. And Hunk seemed much bubblier than he had since New Year’s. His smile was wider. And Pidge found herself laughing harder at everything. There were many types of battles in life. Some literal and some not so much. Pidge had considered herself a survivor. But that night, in the car with Hunk as they kept laughing and talking past two in the morning in the parking lot of Matt’s apartment complex, was the first time she’d actually felt the strength of a survivor.

Click Here for Ch. 4

[justmorefandomtrash]

Sugar, Honey, Iced Tea

Prompt: Crushes

(AO3 link coming asap)

Ft. Over dramatic Minami, crushes (obviously) and one very embarrassed Yuri Plisetsky (Phichit means well).

1.

“SUGAR HONEY ICED TEA!”

With a distressed wail, Minami flung himself over the rink wall, drawing the attention of his rinkmates and coaches.

“Minami, what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Groaning, he lifted his head to meet his coach’s eyes.

“Dying coach. Dying of attraction to unattainable people. I fear that I may have to stop competing in order to save myself.”

“Enough with the dramatics and go stretch.”

Grumbling under his breath, he pushed off the wall and dragged himself away to an empty corridor. In his mind, he was being perfectly reasonable about the whole situation. Having a crush on a fellow competitor was probably the worst thing that could have happened.

Especially Phichit Chulanont.

With his flawless makeup and friendly attitude, and the determination to include everyone…

“DAMMIT!”

Folding himself flat to the floor, he let out a muffled scream. Really, why did crushes have to be so difficult?

2.

Oh hell no.

This was not happening again.

He’d befriended the Thai skater, gotten over the crush and had agreed to visit him as his home rink in America. Yet here was Katsuki Yuuri, with his flawless step sequences and beautiful movements, leaning on the rink wall drinking water and looking absolutely flawless.

Why was his life so cruel?

“I hate crushes…”

“Don’t we all?”

“I’m going to quit skating, this isn’t fair.”

“Please don’t.”

He huffed, settling on the floor.

“Fine. Skaters need to stop being so hot.”

“What?”

“NOTHING!”

3.

For gods sake.

What was it with him and falling for fellow skaters?

“Hey Minami! Hope to see you on the podium again this year!”

“Y-you too Guang-Hong!”

“Call me Ji! After all, I’ll be the one taking you all to dinner when I win gold.”

As his rival skipped away, he groaned and lent against his coach, feeling too emotionally drained to jump around like he usually did. Sighing in annoyance, she pushed him upright, scolding him for not doing his stretches.

Finding an area to stretch in meant he would likely see Guang-Hong again.

The glare from his coach left him no other option and he frowned, complaining before giving up and going off to find an empty corridor.

“If I did because of not being allowed to express my distress about being attracted to fellow skaters I’m blaming you.”

“GO STRETCH!”

4.

The realisation hit him at midnight. Of all time, especially when he was training at the same rink that very day (technically).

Jean-Jacques Leory was too good looking for him and engaged.

Burying his head into a pillow, he screamed. A knock on his door startled him and he squeaked, diving off the bed and sliding under it.

“Minami? Is everything okay? I heard you scream.”

“I’m fine JJ. Just saw a spider that’s all, I’ve got rid of it.”

“Alright, tell me if you need anything. Night!”

Never mind. JJ was a good person overall.

“Stupid stupid stupid.”

Hitting himself in the face repeatedly, he contemplated, not for the first time in his life, quitting skating because the competition met far too many of his dating standards.

5.

Really?

Wailing in distress, he rolled around the floor of his childhood home, much to the bemusement of his parents and brother. They’d insisted that he invited his friends along with him, and the first to arrive would be Leo and Ji.

Of course they would.

The issue wasn’t that they were together, it was the fact that he’d stupidly let himself fall for none other than Leo de la Iglesia.

“Minami dear? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing apart from the fact that I keep falling in love with people I can’t have.”

“Soon enough you’ll find someone you can settle with. Now come, they’ll be here soon.”

Begrudgingly, he stopped and stood, standing still for a moment as he swayed.

Right.

They’ll be here soon.

Dragging his feet to the kitchen, he listened as his parents and brother chattered to each other, freezing when he heard his name mentioned.

“Don’t you think that that Plisetsky from Russia had a similar program to Minami’s first senior one?”

“Well it was certainly more bouncy than his others.”

Plisetsky huh? Nah, he would never mimick my skating. He didn’t even remember that we skated together in Juniors.

+1

“Minami!”

He jumped, looking over his shoulder and frowning at whoever had dared to interrupt his peaceful respite from the music and dancing. Having spent most of his childhood skating, he found all the games and sound overwhelming inside the hall. It probably didn’t help that he wasn’t entirely sure what the etiquette was at weddings.

Who’s great idea was it to put him in the same room as his old skater crushes at the same time?

Speak of the devil, Phichit waved at him, dragging someone behind him.

“Here, this guy expressed an interest in saying hello, now I’m off to find Seung, bye!”

Sputtering in surprise, he caught the person pushed towards him as Phichit ran off and shut the balcony doors, leaving him alone with the person in his arms. They groaned, slipping out of his fading grip and straightening out their suit.

Oh god.

Yuri Plisetsky stood in front of him, glaring like everything that had happened had been his fault.

“Katsudon and Victor left me in the care of Phichit. Phichit of all people! Can’t trust that guy with any secret, he’ll try and help you out no matter what I swear.”

“E-eh?”

His eyes widened in surprise as Yuri lent on the balcony next to him, huffing quietly.

“I can do it myself, I just need time and to be co- never mind, you don’t want to hear me ramble.”

“It’s fine if you want to.”

A soft exhale of air made him turn to see Yuri looking… vulnerable and open to the world.

Where did the Russian Ice Tiger go and who replaced him with a kitten?

“Fine fine, if you’re willing,” he sighs deeply, looking out across the hotel grounds, “but you’re probably not going to like it.”

He straightened up at these words, realising that it was perhaps the most serious look he’d ever seen gracing Yuri’s face.

“Everyone seems to think that Otabek and I have something going on but you see, he’s aro so he’d never return my non-existing feelings. But whilst the whole world has been obsessing over that, they overlooked the person I’d truly fallen in love with.” Pausing for a moment, Yuri slid his hand along the railing and interlinked their fingers, squeezing gently. “They managed to overlook one of the most vibrant skaters in the world, someone who’s first senior routine I mimicked in a desperate bid to grab their attention. Somehow, they managed to overlook you Minami. I went and fell head over heels with you.”

It takes a moment for the words to sink in, and when they do he squeezes back with a smile that says everything is okay. Sure, he’d had confessions from fans, complete and utter strangers, but coming from someone who he’d admired for so long?

That was an entirely new feeling and one that wasn’t unwelcome.

“Sounds like a confession Yuri.” “I-it is…” Lifting their entwined hands, he pressed a kiss to Yuri’s knuckles, chuckling at the light gasp emitted. “Then won’t you take care of me? Even if it ends up being a short amount of time, won’t you?” “Is that your way of saying yes?” “The Japanese way.” They giggle, pressing their foreheads together and winding their free arms around the other’s waist. There is something magical about standing on a balcony only illuminated by the soft glow of the moon and candles flickering in the wind, casting dancing shadows across their suits. "May I kiss you Yuri?" There is a moment where neither moves before Yuri nods and he's leaning forward, lips slightly puckered and willing. Hesitantly, he meets him in the middle. Soft lips meet his own, moving uncertainly against each other. He matches Yuri's movements, slow and leisurely, as if they had all the time in the world. Drawing away, their eyes meet once more and suddenly they're both giggling, clinging to each other in delight. Who knew that one day he'd find that special person?