#it’s unfair to her I’m so selfish I just hope she makes it I hope she gets her life to where she wants it to be

[chibelial]

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[g0dlyunsub]

hey!!! Ugh I just love your account! I have a request for Spencer Reid x fem reader!! Can you do one where he is always working and it makes the reader upset bc he is cancelling dates and coming home late and kinda neglects her feelings and doesn't really notice how much it affects her and how sad she gets and then he misses their anniversary dinner and she breaks and tells him that it makes her upset when he's gone all the time and he just feels so awful bc he's so in love with her and never wants her to feel that way because of him and apologizes and reassures her and makes sure she feels loved!!

ty for the request and i loved the idea for this one!

wishful thinking.

pairing :: spencer x fem!reader

warnings :: angst with a fluffy ending; very mild makeout session at the end :3

word count :: 2.4k

author’s note :: i kind of giggled at the ending as i was writing it, but i’m pretty proud of how this one turned out!

accompanying song :: neverthere by xander

spencer’s phone is quite literally the bane of your existence.

you know what to expect whenever it rings, so you hate when it actually does – its earthquaking vibrations and trilled beeps tear the happiness straight out of you.

it’s the second date in a row that he’s had to pass, and you wonder if you should just stop trying so hard. was it selfish to want to have him all to yourself, to have him seated right across from you, sharing your laughter as you pass him his plated pasta? were you expecting too much, imagining a serene life with him ten years down the road, perhaps with kids or pets of your own? was it unfair to think that you could craft a lie, telling him your stomach hurt really bad, so bad that you would have to curl up on the floor and pray he’d stay by your side just this once to comfort you?

all you ever wanted was spencer. more specifically, you wanted spencer during your first three dates, when he’d silence all of his phone calls, and wave them off like nothing even though you insisted he take them. maybe if you didn’t bring up the importance of taking work calls, none of this would have ever happened. maybe it was all coming back to bite you for your non-confrontational nature, since you could never plead him to actually stay.

but he’s your boyfriend… and that’s all that matters, right? after all, he has lives to save – people whose names are called out during prayers day and night by their loved ones as they cling on to the sliver of hope that your boyfriend and his team promise during the darkest hours. granted, spencer would drop everything if you were in a similar situation, but none of your problems have actually been life-threatening. but a girl can dream, can’t she? your first anniversary date was when spencer promised to make amends, a formal compensation for all of the past dates that he missed and left you feeling empty on your shared bed, stains of mascara chalked up on your dry cheeks.

“i’m so sorry, honey, i’ve just been… called in for work,” spencer stands, dusting the napkin that was folded nicely on his lap. you watch as he takes a sip of his glass of water, then walks over to you to plant a kiss on your forehead.

he runs his fingers along the velvety texture of the sleeves of your dress, and you offer him a weak smile.

“it’s okay, duty calls, right?” you feel the tears surfacing and you have to fight yourself to not blink. it’s too early to cry.

“i-it’s a really bad one this time, and i hate to do this on such an important day-” spencer begins to apologize frantically, and his face marks an expression of genuine concern with his brows furrowing and lips twitching.

“it’s okay. you need to go, i understand.” you state plainly, and you immediately feel shameful – your words are too assertive and snarly for how you normally respond.

spencer pauses briefly, fidgeting with his fingers, before he gives a slight nod in your direction. he then walks over to the couch, grabs a book, and tightens the clasps on his bag. 

“i’ll be back as fast as i can,” spencer utters quietly and walks out of the door. when the apartment door locks with a click, you break down immediately.

at first, the tears fall one by one. but then, a salty stream evident of pure emotional wreckage makes its way into the slight gap of your lips, and it’s an unstoppable domino effect. your shoulders shudder and heave as you struggle to catch breaths in between, and you splutter cries of your boyfriend’s name. 

maybe it would’ve been better to just stay as conversational partners, to exchange updates once in a while when he’d actually commit to a time. it was your fault for getting your hopes up high, and all of this – fanciful dinner and dressing your best for the occasion – was wishful thinking. you just didn’t want to admit it.

“y/n?” 

you look up to see spencer in front of the doorway, and his bag that was barely holding on to his shoulder drops to the floor with a thud.

you quickly look away, brushing the tears away with one arm and sniffle before choking out a response.

“i thought you left already, why are you here?” again, your words come out icier than you had hoped and hit you with a sharp pang of guilt.

spencer narrows his eyes ever so slightly as if he’s scrutinizing you, observing your body language. it doesn’t take a genius to know that you’re upset.

“i was going to. realized i forgot-,”

he clears his throat when you raise your eyebrows and proceeds, "i misplaced my wallet."

he slips out of his loafers, shoving aside his pair of converses that lie adjacent to your pretty pair of heels. he walks over to you, and you realize that you’re still seated at the dining table. you must look so stupid right now, waiting as if he’d just be returning from a bathroom break.

“i need to head out, but i promise… i promise we’ll talk about this really soon. we’ll have the anniversary dinner and-”

“did you even try?” you blurt out, and you look up at him with your puffy eyes glazed with tears.

a deathly silence clouds over the entire apartment, and you’re thinking of two options: leave the apartment and go run to a friend’s place, or confront him and see whether making amends – again, wishful thinking – would be possible.

“y/n. please believe me when i say that i’ve tried to, i’ve tried-”

you slam a hand to the table before standing up, your face twisting into an expression of outrage.

“no, because then you would’ve silenced it. you would’ve cut the call, just like you used to.” you fire your words at him as your hair sticks to the drying tears on your cheeks, and you begrudgingly wipe at your face. 

a slow sigh escapes from spencer’s lips, and he looks at you with those eyes – the eyes that seemingly warn you, saying you don’t want to go there. not right now.

but you double down on him, the rage fueling your words as you lash out. 

“it was just this one time. i only wanted you to stay for dinner just this one time.” you helplessly drop your hands to your sides, the tears landing on the floor with soft plops.

“i know. and i’m terribly sorry.” spencer bites his bottom lip and takes a step toward you. but you take a step back, and maybe that pulls a string between the two of you, because you can see how his shoulders tense up.

“look, can we talk about this when i get back? i’ll make it up to you, i swear.” he combs through his hair, the stress almost palpable as it leaks from his shaking fingers.

while you know he has to head out again, the way he so easily brushes off the conversation like it’s something he doesn’t even want to think about feeds into your disbelief. soon, however, your anger subsides into a tired frown. 

“i don’t know, you might come home late… when i’m asleep or something.” you look at the wall where a photo of the two of you is framed, and you weakly smile at how happy you seemed then. 

“i’ll give you a call, is that okay?” he searches your face for any signs of approval, but you’re zoned out thinking about the past, of how everything used to be.

“whatever, just go.” you wave him off and walk to the couch, where you lie down and turn against him to face the plush fabric.

spencer sighs, and his hand looms over your head momentarily before he grabs his wallet from the table. you hear a faint sorry trail from behind as he leaves the room, and your nails claw at the arms of the couch before the darkness cradles you once again.

it’s 10:30 pm, and you hear the doorknob click again. you had just cleaned up the dishes after eating dinner alone and left his portion in the fridge. you were now changed into your pajamas and getting ready for your night routine.

you peep out of your bedroom door to see spencer, his suit all wet. he looks at you as he takes off his shoes, and a sullen expression paints his face. did it start raining after he left? you realize that you were mostly cooped up in the bedroom since his departure, so you wouldn’t have known.

bravely looking up at him in the eye, you state: “you came back early.” you hate how unwelcoming you sound in his own home.

he pauses before he sets his wet bag on the floor and removes his blazer jacket to throw over a chair. 

he approaches you, hands in his pockets and hair twisted in matted curls. 

“hm.” he grabs a towel from the closet and makes his way to the shower, brushing past your shoulder. you feel an icy shudder spread through your spine after he closes the bathroom door.

was he giving you the silent treatment right now? 

you hear the water start from the bathroom and you sink into your bed while turning to twist the lamp lights on.

after all that torturous waiting you went through, he was giving you the silent treatment?

fifteen minutes later, a knock reverberates from the other side of the bedroom door, and even though you don’t respond, spencer steps in. he’s changed into a t-shirt and black pajama pants, and he drops next to you on the bed.

“i’m taking the week off.” 

the sentence startles you, and it’s something so unexpected you choke on your own saliva.

“what, what do you mean you’re taking the week off?” you ask him, finally turning to face him in the eyes. his brown irises blaze into your own.

“i’ve been pushing off everything you wanted to do with me — things that I wanted to do with you — and i’ve just been…” he turns away to play with the wrinkles on his pants as he speaks, picking out the dust that lies embedded between the folds.

he pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out a deep sigh. he continues, “i don’t know if it’s all worth it.”

silence casts a blanket over the two of you.

“spence,” you say after a while, and hesitantly lay a hand on his thigh.

“nothing’s more important in the world to me than you. you and your happiness. i know you love this job and i know you love helping people. you’re such a kind hearted man, and it’s why i fell in love with you in the first place.”

when spencer gives you no response, you confess: “spence, i get jealous sometimes.”

this time his eyes widen, and he looks at you.

“you do?” he asks softly, peering into your eyes and you cave instantly. 

“of course i do. it’s… everybody wants you, spencer. we all need you, whether we realize it or not.”

he scoffs.

“but i only want you.”

his voice is raspy yet mellow at the same time, the smoothest stream of sweetness seeping through your eardrums. god. you can never stay mad at this gorgeous man, the same man that made you cry on numerous occasions just counting the past week.

“you need to do more than that, if you… you know.” you quietly murmur as you fidget with the hem of your nightgown.

“i know,” he speaks with a hushed tone. “i told hotch, and i told him it was going to happen whether he liked it or not. the demands of this job are… tough, but i don’t want to miss out on all the things we planned together. i won’t.”

you start bawling right when he delivers the last word, and all the tears that you were holding back spill over your flushed cheeks. your boyfriend immediately leans in to console you, pulling you into a tight embrace as his chin rests on top of your head. 

it’s okay, he murmurs reassuringly. you ease into his touch, and you realize how much you missed this. how much you missed spending time with him.

his left hand tugs lightly at your soft hair while his right rubs your back in smooth circles. 

“i missed you,” you speak with a hushed voice, looking up into his eyes as a glassy coat of tears blur your vision. 

he cups your face with his hands before whispering, “i missed you too.”

you continue to blabber words of love-stained anguish but he cuts you off short, pulling you in for a short kiss on your lips, which are now tainted with your tears.

“you taste… salty,” he whispers, giving you a slight smile as he brushes off the rest of your tears that weigh down on your eyelashes.

“it’s because of you, silly,” you drawl as you taste the salty residue of your tears.

yeah, spencer responds hesitantly. but he’s wearing a small smile, tilting his head to one side as his eyes emit a glint of tranquilizing peace.

he reaches into his pajama pocket and takes out a piece of candy. you curiously watch as his fingers quickly remove the wrapper, revealing a glazed cherry-flavored sphere. 

“may i?” he asks, and his faint voice is a gravitational force that you can’t resist.

you briefly respond with a lazy hm? before he plops the candy into your mouth and kisses you again. the sweetness explodes like fireworks with his warm breath, and the sticky layer of sugar melts like acid on your intertwined tongues. you let out a satisfied hum when you pull back, and it’s undeniably attractive the way spencer licks the corner of his lips.

a tear falls from your eye again, and this time, it’s not out of sorrow.

[s7-evermore]

My Heart Stays With You | Leona Kingscholar x Mistress! Yuu/Reader

NOTE: Hey, so I can’t find the FUCKING fic I was talking about in this post and despite all my desperate searching I STILL can’t find it so I’m WRITING MY OWN VERSION OF IT until the author of that fic MESSAGES ME AND GOES “EYO DUDE WTF THAT IDEA WAS MINE” so I can search their blog and finally read the fucking story cuz istg I can’t focus on my schoolwork with that fic weighing on my mind like a curse that’s been placed on my family for 40 generations.

EDIT: someone in the comments lovingly told me who the author of the original one was and it was @/kiwibirdmother but all their posts disappeared so 🤡 fuck. LUCKILY tho I used the wayback internet thing and I managed to read them again :D if you guys want a link to it I’ll share thru dm cuz I’m too lazy to post something about it rn ejdkskxkskx

SYNOPSIS: Leona had been forced into an arranged marriage with a noblewoman, but he had already been in a relationship with Yuu. They loved each other too much, and both of them weren’t willing to let each other go. So in their own selfish ways, they stayed together despite the ring shining on his finger.

The two of them never thought it would get to this.

Leona had hoped that he would at least be able to make her his officially. All he needed to do was graduate and introduce her to his family, as reluctant as he was to let her into the royal life for the fear that she would have to carry the weight of it, he was far too selfish to let her go.

But Yuu didn’t mind at all. Just like him, she was far too selfish to let him go.

. . .

. . . .

. . .

When the news came to her that Leona had no choice but to push through with the arranged marriage, he rushed to her room in Ramshackle Dorm to hold her in his arms.

“Stay with me,” He begged that night, holding her in his arms with all the strength he could muster. “Please stay with me.”

It felt out of character for him to say those words with such strong emotion, but in the years they’ve been together, as she approached her fourth year in NRC, Leona slowly learned to lower his walls around her.

Only around her. Just her.

“Stay with me. I won’t do anything with her. I promise.”

“But…”

Hearing her strained voice and her choked sobs as she cried on his shoulder broke his heart. His heart… that he had given to her all those years ago when she accepted him with all of her being…

How unfair could the world get?

“I won’t. You’re the only one in my heart,” he stated firmly, a promise that he would hold himself to for the rest of his life.

“That stupid marriage is only for formalities. A political convenience. That woman and I don’t even have to do anything, and I don’t intend on giving myself to her. Not my love, not my mind, not my body.”

He looked into her eyes, furrowing his brows with intensity. When Yuu looked at them, she could feel the fierce heat of his love for her and his unyielding devotion.

She understood his place. He really had no say in the marriage, it had already been set in stone. Leona knew this well, and yet he couldn’t help but feel guilty… she had been so kind to him, so understanding…

“Yuu…” his voice was molten gold, and it seeped through the cracks of her heart.

“I love you. Only you. Please stay with me.”

“I will,” she said without hesitation.

He kissed her the moment she said those words, and a night of passion between them followed.

That wouldn’t be their last.

The night before his wedding, Leona drove to a villa some distance away from the palace.

It was distant from other residences and a little more solitary. Leona knew it would be perfect for Yuu, so he bought it immediately before anyone else could so she could live there with Grim after their graduation.

He knocked on the door, and it opened within a few seconds.

He felt his heart beating rapidly when he saw her face. For a moment, Leona felt at peace.

Yuu smiled, looking just as relieved, “You’re here…”

He moved to embrace her.

Ever since the arranged marriage, it was the first thing he would do whenever he visited her. An act of reassurance that he would forever be hers.

“I came just as I said I would,” He said.

“It’s tomorrow,” she quietly muttered.

“Will you go?”

“I promised I would.”

“It would hurt you…”

“It would hurt you just as much…” she said, her voice breaking, “I…I promised you that I would…always be there to comfort you…”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable any more than I already have,” he sighed. His woman was far too kind to him. He wouldn’t have blamed her if she tried to be a little petty.

“I think… I think it would make me more uncomfortable not seeing you, knowing that you would be with her…”

Leona knew that his brother was aware of his distaste for the marriage, but the will of their father, even as he lay sickly on his bed, had to be followed.

“Leona…”

He knew what that tone in her voice meant.

He looked down at her slightly, immediately noticing her half-lidded eyes and her sudden shy but sensual smile.

“Will you stay with me a little longer…?”

She didn’t even have to ask.

He pulled her to her bedroom. And there, they lost themselves into each other’s arms, wrapped up in the heat of their love.

. . .

. . . .

. . .

“Did you meet up with your friends?”

The question came to him as they basked in the afterglow of their lovemaking. She had her head against his chest, his arm around her as he slowly traced shapes on her skin.

“Jack said that you asked him and Ruggie to escort me…” she said, recalling her meeting with her friends from NRC the past week.

Leona had taken it upon himself to invite some notable people from NRC, especially those he knew she would be close with. Most of them also knew of the relationship they kept going through with, as dangerous as it was.

Vil Schönheit had actually been the one to visit her first. He was invited as Leona’s acquaintance and former school “friend”, according to Leona himself. Vil was one of the few people who knew about their continuing relationship despite Leona’s arranged marriage, and out of respect for Yuu (who Vil was clearly fond of) agreed to keep it a secret.

Kalim and Jamil were invited as well, under the pretext of Kalim being the first son of House Asim and Jamil as his servant. When they came to her home, they reminisced on old times and agreed to keep in touch.

As she told him about their visits, she remembered another thing.

“I didn’t expect you to invite Malleus to the wedding…” she said.

“He’s your friend, isn’t he?”

“Yes but…”

Although she continued writing to malleus, as he was her cherished friend, she knew that the two of them hardly got along.

“A lotta random royals, nobles and celebrities are invited out of formality, so I thought that I might as well invite someone you’re familiar with. Kalim, Vil, Idia, and Malleus came to mind at first.”

He looked down at her as he stroked her hair, “I’m sure you’ll be fine with their company. If you’re around people like them then no one should be able to bother you. I made sure to tell them all to visit you before the wedding.”

Malleus didn’t come alone, of course. Lilia, Silver, and Sebek came there as the Briar Valley prince’s attendants.

Those four weren’t daft by any means. She knew that they had probably already figured out that they were keeping their relationship a secret from the public.

“Are you alright with this?” Sebek had asked her, his voice strangely reluctant and…soft.

“We both aren’t,” she admitted to him, “But this is… the only way we could live right now.”

Malleus sighed, lamenting how unfortunate your circumstances are.

“If you need a place to belong, let us know,” He told her. “Briar Valley will welcome you with open arms.”

“Thank you…” she smiled kindly at her friends, “But I belong with Leona.”

“Leona, congratulations on your wedding.”

Leona watched as Vil approached him with Yuu around his arm.

Vil turned to the bride with a practiced smile, “and to you as well, my lady.”

“Congratulations, both of you,” Yuu said with a smile that made Leona uncomfortable. He hated her fake smiles.

He hated this. He hated all of this.

“You truly are fortunate, Lady Aisha,” her words pierced his heart like a bullet. His hands were itching to hold her in his arms. “To be wed to Leona… well, it might not be easy but…”

Yuu met his eyes, something profound shining within them, mixed with hopelessness and pain.

“I’m sure…he’ll be a very wonderful lover.”

The bride noticed the look Leona was giving the human girl while pondering the meaning of her words. With a strained smile, clearly masking her irritation, Aisha intertwined her arms around Leona’s and smiled at her.

“Oh I am well aware of that,” she says with a sickeningly sweet smile, “he is always so good to me.”

Yuu didn’t mean to take her words too far, but despite the bitterness in Aisha’s words, she smiled like a flower in bloom, masking her pain like it was nothing.

“I wish you both happiness.”

. . . .

. . . . .

. . . .

“Kifaji.”

The royal family’s long-time aid turned around at the sharp call of Leona’s new bride. Her features were marred with irritation, unbefitting of the occasion.

“Yes, my lady?” He acknowledged her calmly, ready to take every complain she has.

“Who is that woman?”

Kifaji looked at where she was pointing only to see Leona chatting with Yuu.

The aid’s expression softened at the sight of them. Leona’s eyes were unguarded as he spoke to the young woman, seemingly taking in every word she was saying. Yuu, on the other hand, despite the occasion simply seemed happy to be in the presence of the second prince.

It was the same scene he had seen quite a few years ago, when Leona brought her along with some other schoolmates for Tamashina-Mina. She was a darling little thing— she was beautiful. She got along well with their friends and Leona cared about her more than he liked to admit. But it didn’t escape Kifaji’s eyes when he saw Leona buy her a gift. A necklace the same color as his eyes, just as she requested.

“You should have chosen one with your eye color instead.” He heard Leona say to her.

“No,” Yuu shakes her head, “I like the color of your eyes better.”

She was sweet and by no means a push-over. She knew how to keep Leona in place without being pushy, and it was clear to anyone that Leona favored her greatly.

Kifaji had…hoped that he got to see Leona happy with her.

If it hadn’t been for the arranged marriage that the two princes’ father wanted… then maybe… maybe then the second prince would finally smile for the rest of his days…

“That is Miss Yuu, a long-time friend of his Highness,” he told Aisha calmly. “Prince Leona is quite fond of her, as is Prince Cheka, please do get along with her.”

“They look too close to be friends,” she quipped.

Kifaji could only do what he could for the Prince he had taken care of…

“I would not worry about that,” he said, expression unchanging, “I am certain that they are only friends.”

The lady huffed before fixing her wedding garments and going back to the party, Kifaji could finally breathe.

It was 12 AM at midnight, just two hours after the wedding and the reception ended when she heard something park itself on her driveway.

Before she could get the chance to look out the window, someone immediately knocks on the door.

In a rush, she opens the door only to see the lion that had been plaguing her thoughts, feeding the shadows whispering in her mind.

Large arms wrapped themselves around her in a warm embrace.

“I drove here as soon as everyone was asleep.”

She returned his embrace, feeling the beat of his heart against hers.

“You shouldn’t have come here.”

“I can’t stand it. She was so annoying…” he buried his nose against her hair. “All she did was complain when all I did was nap on the bed.”

Lady Aisha must have gotten angry that Leona wouldn't touch her on their wedding night... She thought to herself. The thought of Leona sharing a bed with another woman made her heartache. She wanted to erase the image in her mind..

But she couldn’t do much now, can she? He was a married man now, but it wasn’t to her… no, it was to someone else.

However…

“Aren’t you gonna welcome me home?”

He will always return to her. Never touched and never kissed by anyone else but her.

She chuckles, looking up at him with pained eyes.

“It’s your wedding night, you know…? You could at least…”

“I told you, I ain’t touchin’ her.”

“You…you don’t have to… but it might make your family mad if you suddenly—“

He places a hand under her chin and forces her to look at him before stroking her cheek.

“I don’t care,” he says with finality. “I don’t care about that stupid wedding. I don’t care about her. I don’t care about any of them.”

His forehead touches hers, a tear escapes her eye.

“I care about us.”

And he kisses her with more love than he could ever give.

Another night passes, and Leona is once more entangled in Yuu’s arms.

[goldenfigtree]

Lipstick Smudges

Part 1 of 3

Summary: Leon attends your engagement party to support you despite his repressed feelings for you.

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x FemReader

Warning: fluff

A/N: Tried something a little different from my usual writing but I hope y’all enjoy lemme know what y’all think :)

Part two is right here: Part Two

The car radio made up for the silence in Leon’s jeep as his knuckles tightened around the steering wheel.

He couldn’t believe he was doing this. But then again, how could he not? You practically begged him to come, he was your closest friend after all.

Friend.

He hated when she used the word, yet couldn’t really blame her. It was technically his fault for not toughening up and confessing. Leon’s communication skills strike again and now here he was, driving to your engagement party in his best suit, his hair slicked back. He remembered you saying that you liked how it looked on him once. Your voice softly echoes in his brain as he recalls this memory,

“I like your hair like that, really brings out your eyes”

Your smile inks into his memory. What he would do to make you smile like that again. Like he was the only one in the world.

Somehow, these thoughts thread together like a spiderweb, at its center the sentence:

Maybe, just maybe there’s still hope.

It was impossible to forget that little twinkle in your eye when he walked into the room, the smile that outdid all the sunrises he witnessed in his lifetime, the laugh that made his heart flutter with every ripple of tone.

He tightens his grip on the steering wheel, knuckles white. Shaking his head, his pupils retreat to a smaller size. He knew he couldn’t do that to you. It would be unfair, selfish. But God, he wanted you all for himself. It’s barely the car ride there and he’s already wanting this engagement party to end.

Once he parked his car, he made his way to the ivy covered villa with windows projecting a yellow glow. He could already hear the cheerful congratulations and cheers to the happy couple, his stomach churned at the sound of them. He was only a second away from entering when a familiar face swung the door open and turned to him in a bit of surprise, car keys in hand,

“Hey stranger, you’re a bit late” it was Claire, red gown and all.

“And you’re leaving early” Leon acknowledges, eyes fixated on the car keys. He had to stop himself from asking if he could go with her. Come up with an excuse—that he got sick. He knew he was about to be sick soon, so it wouldn’t really be a lie, just a preparation. Claire blinked at him curiously and tilted her head down to see where he was looking,

“Oh! I’m just getting my present from my car” Claire assures nodding her head towards the car, her ponytail swinging from side to side from the motion, “I’m surprised you’re here”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He asks defensively,

“Well, everyone knows you’ve had a thing for her since I don’t know how long” Claire responds with a shrug,

“That… was a long time ago” Leon mutters, his cheeks warm and his eyes fixated on the door, preparing himself to find what’s behind it. Placing a hand on his shoulder, Claire meets his eyes and gives him a reassuring grin,

“Hey, I’m sure she’ll be glad to see you. Ya know, I have to say, you’re a good guy for doing this despite.. ya know”

He certainly didn’t feel like that now, remembering the shimmering string of hope he dwelled on in the car ride. Not making eye contact with Claire, he merely nods his head and wraps his fingers around the golden doorknob,

“Right, see you in there”

Swinging the door open, voices swell the room and ring in his ears. The beautiful villa lit with large lit crystal chandeliers and the large amounts of people, made the whole place stuffy. Grimacing to himself, he subconsciously tried to find any trace of you as he pushed past the elegantly dressed guests.

Then there it was, your laughter. So loud, so unique, so unapologetically you. Turning his head he forgets how to breathe from the mere sight of you enjoying the conversation you were having. Champagne glass in your hand, the giant rock on your ring finger blinding anyone nearby and an elegant gown framing your figure, you don’t even realize Leon is halted there, mouth agape. Laughing and conversing cheerfully, you fan away the compliments and thank those who congratulate you while passing by. After finishing a conversation with one of the guests, you take a look around until your eyes are met with his. Time stopped and music deafened the moment your eyes locked on his. A joyful smile grows on your face as you shove your way through the people to get to him,

“You made it!” You exclaim so he can hear you over the boisterous chatter.

“Sorry I’m late” he greets with an apologetic smile.

“Don’t be, it’s not your type of scenery anyway” you insist, grabbing a champagne glass from one of the caterer’s trays and handing it to him,

“You know me too well”

“Come on, I know a much quieter place we can talk” you suggest, already walking through the crowd. Before he could even question this sudden suggestion, he almost loses sight of you and walks through the sea of people. He feels the warmth of a hand wrap around his wrist and tug him through, your giggle being the only distinct thing to make out that that hand was yours. Eventually, Leon finds himself outside in a garden. Bushes trimmed into elegant shapes and certain animals. Flowers of various colors in full bloom.

“So how’ve you been?” You begin to ask, both hands cradling the champagne glass, “I haven’t seen you in a while”

“I’ve been busier than usual” more like busier avoiding you and your fiancé, Will, at all costs. The sight of you two together made his heart shatter at the sight. The silence in response was enough for Leon to know you didn’t believe him, “I am busier” he insists.

“Alright” you respond with a shrug, a look of disbelief still remains on your face, “What do you think of Will?”

The both of you stop walking as he contemplates what he should say. He hated just looking at him for taking what he could’ve had. Looking at them, together, revived a battle of whether he should hate Will or himself for letting this happen.

“I don’t know Will” Leon decides to say, which was true. A sheepish giggle escapes your lips as you continue walking, “But as long as you’re happy”

“I guess that’s true” with your gown trailing behind, you sit at the edge of an extravagant fountain, placing your champagne glass on the cobblestone ground. The very top of the fountain had an eagle perched on a branch, the rest of it was ivy and smaller birds perched carved into the stone. The pad of your index finger strokes along the water. It was warm from being under the sun. Sitting on the edge of the fountain, facing you, he studied your face. Your eyes were much more solemn, your lips in a frown, a large contrast from a few minutes ago inside the villa.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asks gently, his hand instinctively reaching to lay atop of yours— he pulls it away.

“Leon, I wonder what you would think of me” You begin to say, your eyelashes flutter as you look ahead at the garden, biting your lip softly.

“I don’t know what you mean”

“What if, I didn’t marry William” there was that beam of hope in him, rising again. Guilt covering it shortly after,

“Why?”

“I just, don’t know if he’s the one you know?” You gingerly reply, eyes finally looking into his, “There’s just… this feeling I can’t shake away. But I’m not sure if it’s just me having cold feet or if it’s real”

He couldn’t believe what he was seeing, your eyes were set on his lips. He could hear his heartbeat patter in his ears as you leaned toward him, twinkling eyes and lips parted. Your breath against his skin sent a shiver down his spine. He could only remember one time the two of you were this close. His eyes gave into their hunger and watched as your lips moved closer and closer to his own. He couldn’t take it anymore, leaning forward, he closes the gap.

Trapped in the scent of your expensive perfume, the texture of your lips, he can feel goosebumps rise on his skin. Your lips follow this dance he’s leading, an excited breath shudders in the midst of it as his hands hold your face and keep you in place. Your heart was beating at an alarming speed from it all, but it only encouraged you to want more. Your senses were dulled by his lips, his presence, his scent, you didn’t want to stop. Your tongue meets his own, earning a sound from Leon that instantly makes you want to hear it again. That is, until you hear someone calling your name. You knew that voice, it was Will. Pulling away you look at Leon in horror. Everything that had happened setting in at once. Your lipstick smudged on Leon’s lips, his bright blue eyes looking at you like a deer in headlights as your future husband calls your name.

“I’m so sorry” you whisper, lifting up the skirt of your dress and running off to meet her fiancé. Leon sits there, paralyzed from everything, Will’s voice greeting you and breaking Leon in the process,

“There you are, I was looking everywhere for you”

“Well here I am” you say sheepishly as Will takes your hand in his.

Your lipstick smudged on his lips, his heart in turmoil, he drives home.

[biniminisblog]

wish you were mine | yang jeongin drabble

pairing: yang jeongin x fem!reader ft. brother!seungmin

genre: angst, forbidden love, brother’s bestfriend

word count: 0.6k

a/n: i know i said i wasn’t gonna post for a while but i just came back from school after hours of dance practice and inspiration suddenly kicked in. ig my mind works better when i feel like dying lmao. its also probably why its angsty lol. as always reblogs/replies and feedback are very much appreciated, thank you! and stream social path ‼️

you’re crying. you’re crying and it's all his fault. you were only supposed to be seungmin’s younger sister, even so, jeongin knows that falling in love with you was inevitable. however, he also knows that it’s forbidden. which is why he just stands there, watching you cry as he continues to lie to you. he lies that he’s not in love with you. he lies that he’s never thought of you everyday. he lies that you’re just seungmin’s younger sister to him. everything he’s said are lies yet he can’t seem to stop it.

“please jeongin just give me a chance! i promise i can give you the love you deserve.” he knows you can. in fact, you have already given him more than what he deserves while also simultaneously stealing his heart in the process. the very same heart that is now burning with anguish because of you—no, because of him. he could never blame you of his stupid actions, you were too perfect in his eyes.

he’s the one who messed up. he led you on for months, flirting and teasing each other, only for him to claim he never had feelings for you.

“oh, my sister? she can be a pain the ass sometimes but i love her. why? you like her or something?”

“what? pfft no of course not!”

“good because she’s off limits, wouldn’t want my best friend dating my own sister. gross.” he recalls his and your brother’s conversation, and although it was intended to be a lighthearted joke, jeongin knows seungmin was being serious. just a reminder that he could never be with you.

“i’m sorry yn.” his apology seems to have calmed you down a bit. you’ve probably realised that maybe he wasn’t worth it after all and although it hurts, he won’t deny it. he knows you deserve someone better than him anyway. someone who can say what they truly feel without hesitation. you nod slowly, and just as he thinks you’re about to walk away, you suddenly lunge forward and attack him with a hug. it startles him, making him stumble a bit but he regains his balance. you’re hugging him, and in that moment, hope begins to bloom in his chest. jeongin thinks that maybe, just maybe, he can ignore the fact that you’re his best friend’s sister, and you both can finally do what you’ve always wanted.

“let’s stay like this, even just for tonight, please. then i promise i won’t bother you again.” you whisper, and just like that, all hope is crushed within a split second. of course you wouldn’t fight for him, that would be selfish of him to think. even he didn’t put up a fight, he just gave up the moment seungmin told him so.

despite this, he nods at your request, finding it hard for him to say no. it was hard enough to reject you, he doesn’t want you to get hurt any more than he’s given you. with that, jeongin wraps his arms around your waist, and you snuggle closer to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. at this close proximity, he can smell the perfume he was sure was his. he knows it’s his because you would steal it even though you try to deny every time he asks. he smiles endearingly at your fond memories together. jeongin was going to miss your beautiful smile and looks that were only reserved for him. he hoped that in another universe, you guys would be together without any care in the world, just happy to be in each other’s arms.

jeongin wishes you weren’t seungmin’s sister. he wishes you were just a random person who he happened to stumble upon and fall in love at first sight. but life is unfair like that and all he can do is suck it up and try to move on, even though he knows he never truly will. still, just for tonight, jeongin would pretend you were his and he was yours.

[tamelee]

Helloo tamelee! 💚 Are you doing good? I hope you do

There’s one thing that I think is unfair is that Sakura fans entirely blame Sai for "guilt-tripping and gaslighting her" in Kage Summit Arc, to explain why she lied to Naruto and tried to kill Sasuke. But Sai says himself he doesn’t understand the situation. Also, even Shizune, who isn’t particularly close to Naruto, managed to understand that Naruto doesn’t care about the promise in itself… It seems they’re blaming Sai so they don’t have to acknowledge that Sakura doesn’t make effort to understand Naruto

Hi Nonee! 🧡 I’m doing alright, thank you ^^ Hope you are good also!

“It seems they’re blaming Sai so they don’t have to acknowledge that Sakura doesn’t make effort to understand Naruto”

Well, you said it yourself. I would add something though; 

“It seems they’re blaming Sai so they don’t have to acknowledge that Sakura doesn’t make effort to understand Naruto AND Sasuke.”

Lmao, Sai doesn’t even have the emotional nor social intelligence to intentionally guilt-trip and gaslight anyone even if he wanted to. All he has as ammunition is a fake smile to fool someone (which often fails) and questionable advice from self-help books. He was forced to learn to not feel or empathize while growing up, hence his behavior causing friction with others and him being on a journey to start over, being allowed to observe and learn. And with that, make mistakes in these observations also, which is alright. (I’ll talk about him in another post.)

Blaming Sai for Sakura’s actions sounds even more funny now xD 

Is it also his fault that she lies to her ‘comrades’? Did Sai lie to everyone or did Sakura? Did he tell her to knock them (including himself LOL) out even if they were only trying to help her and then left them to get killed in the middle of the road where enemies walk around? Is it Sai's fault that she never cared to understand the real Sasuke and talks over him or cuts him off for selfish reasons and make it about herself when he did try to say something even before she knew Sai? Did Sai force her to dip her kunai in useless poison she prepared by herself for this self-proclaimed mission to kill Sasuke? Did Sai also tell Sakura to lie to Sasuke and abandon everyone so she could feel a little less irrelevant and have her last hope being to hold onto this ideal version of him and follow him around? So that, what?She could change his mind even though she already acknowledged she couldn't and that she was different from Naruto? To mock his or Naruto's loneliness again? Did Sai tell her it was a good idea to sneak up on him after deeming Sasuke’s reasons for doing what he does not worthy or important enough to hear out? Not once but TWICE!? Did Sai and Sakura keep in touch through a communication device while he was knocked out somehow? Did he tell her to scream at Sasuke who was seriously going through it, that she doesn’t care? Can you make it anymore clear? That she doesn’t care about his clan’s massacre enough to think Sasuke is allowed to be angry? Did Sai force Sakura to see Sasuke as a criminal like everyone else (except Naruto) and pretend he was some sort of “burden” to take upon herself without any reason or logic other than her not being able to bear seeing a Sasuke that wasn’t her ideal version of him? That giving up on a fantasy meant she’d had to get rid of it all for everyone? To completely abandon Naruto in darkness and never telling him anything? To go behind his back unless he’s useful to her in regard to Sasuke or her life? Because if she can’t get what she wants then I dunno die ig? Did Sai manipulate her into thinking that the real Sasuke isn’t worthy of life or understanding because it hurt HER to be so damn irrelevant to his life and accepting otherwise just wasn't an option even for Sasuke's sake? Did Sai write her a letter to say her pain regarding his trauma she knew nothing about is more important than anything else to make her selfish behavior suddenly makes sense? To who exactly? The people who call that love?

Did Sai tell her to go and manipulate Naruto’s feelings and lie to him also? To use the promise Naruto made as a tool (several times) to get him to do whatever she wants because he’d do anything for her yeah? (No.) If they really thought Naruto had a crush on her then don’t you think that makes it 10000x worse? Did he step forward in the snow to whisper in her ear and command that she'd yell and scream at Naruto when he got mad about it, because he looked right through the damn act? Did Sai push her to be childish about her failing such a dumb idea?

I mean, wow how dare he!! Sai is terrible >.<!!!! 

This was all sarcasm of course. 

Not only is it unfair to blame Sai, it makes no damn sense.

And even if she was guilt tripped??!?! What does that say about her when Naruto literally would’ve gone to war or give up his life for Sasuke, aye? Just sayin'.

[juniperss]

“Days Between”

Jinny {OC} x Eugene Sledge

Author’s note: uh yeah this wasn’t supposed to turn into a story but here we are…..I’m so normal about the childhood best friends to lovers trope with Eugene. I had this song on repeat the entire time I was writing

Tagging: @rosies-riveters (pls lemme know if you don’t wanna be tagged that’s totally fine LOL)

Content warnings: none

Word count: 1,580

“You’ll write when you have the time?” Jinny asked, turning her head to the side to peer at Eugene. He was propped up on his elbows and twirling a strand of golden grass between his fingers, the sunlight shining against his face giving him an almost ethereal quality. 

Feeling her eyes on him, Eugene met her gaze and offered what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “ ‘Course I will. It’ll be like I never left.”

But of course that wasn’t true and they both knew it. Besides Sid Philips, Jinny was Eugene Sledge’s closest friend and he was her’s. The absence would be felt strongly and bitterly. It was bad enough that Sidney had already gone and the trio had been cut down to two, but now Eugene was going to leave too and Jinny wasn’t sure what her life looked like without him.  

The grass around them gave them the illusion of shelter from the reality that in just a few days he would be gone for bootcamp and then to war. The fields and woods were their safe place; their childhood playground and teenage hideaways when the responsibilities of everyday life got to be too much. If one of them wasn’t at home it was likely that they could be found here. 

“I’ll miss you.” Eugene spoke to the sky, but the words were meant for her. 

Jinny looked up too, catching sight of a flock of birds taking off. There was so much she wanted to say to him: that she didn’t want him to leave, that she loved him more than a friend should love another and that she had for so long but the words were stuck in her throat and sat there choking her. It would be selfish for her to tell him those things, she chided herself. Telling him not to go when she knew how long he had dreamed of fighting was selfish. And telling him she loved him and risking ruining a friendship before he went to war? So instead she put all of the meaning and desires that made them up and put them into another phrase: 

“I’ll miss you too.”

—

He was a liar. 

Jinny knew the thought were harsh, unfair, and frankly untrue as soon as they flashed in her mind. She quickly banished it, sending up a “I’m sorry” to the heavens, and retrieved the box of bandages from the top shelf of the supply closet she was currently standing in. 

 Eugene had written, just like he said he would and as often as he could, and with each letter was the confirmation that he was alive. A sweet balm of relief however temporary. The real reason for the stinging pain in her chest was that no amount of letters would truly make up for him not being home. Because she did miss him and she felt it so acutely every moment. She had carefully folded each letter and tucked them into her nightstand to read again and again when her mind refused to stop worrying. And after she had read and reread them, she penned her own letters to him. 

Recounting the mundane aspects of her life had seemed pointless and almost ridiculous when s he first put pen to paper. But the more she wrote and as her life shifted with her job at the hospital and rehabilitation center, the easier it came in sharing everything with Eugene. She hoped the stories about her visits to his parent’s home for dinner, her talks with soldiers during rounds, her ramblings about Sidney’s latest schemes now that he was home, her thoughts about everything and anything might lend the same sense of comfort his letters brought to her. 

Even now as she set to work organizing the boxes meant to be shipped overseas she began drafting a letter to him, one that she knew she would never send. 

“Dear Eugene,  I love you. I can’t wait to take our walks together again and talk. I don’t even care about what we say. I just miss hearing your voice. When you’re home, I’ll tell you that in person, as much as you can bear to hear me say it. Just come home safe, that’s all I want more than anything now or ever. Yours always, Jinny.”

—

The grass tickled her calves as it moved in the breeze that was sending the trees into a frenzy. It wasn’t as warm as it had been earlier in the day and Jinny was thankful for the reprieve from the constant sweating under its rays. Her eyes closed and arms crossed against her chest she let her mind drift away from the day just like she had when she was younger. Even though Sidney’s return wasn’t enough to erase the ever present stain of Eugene’s absence, having him home was a blessing and made walking their childhood route less bitter. Jinny had missed his constant talking and easy to come by smiles and she found some solace in busying herself with asking details about his upcoming wedding. 

But today she was making the walk by herself since Sidney was busy and just for a few moments with her eyes closed she could almost feel the peace that had been gone since the war began. How much she had changed shocked her when she truly sat down to think about it. She had been so concerned about others and focused on their wellbeing that her own growth and maturity had come as a surprise. She was tougher now in so many ways but a heaviness came with it and sat on her shoulders even as she left work behind for the day. There was still much of herself that she was figuring out. Yet in moments like this, in the silence and the familiarity and in the missing of her friend, she knew that there were still pieces of her old self there that hadn’t changed. 

“Hey, Jinny.”

The air left her lungs like she'd suffered a kick to the chest, mind not quite comprehending who that voice belonged to and how he was there and how it had most definitely come from behind her. She turned slowly as if he was Eurydice and she was Orpheus and looking back would send Eugene’s soul back to  the underworld. 

Because it was Eugene and he was standing right there with his arms at his sides looking so smart in his uniform. She stared, soaking in all of him, searching for signs of how much he changed in the time he had been away. He was skinnier and he looked tired, and there was that bone deep exhaustion that she saw in the face of every soldier she met at the hospital. But she could still see the laugh lines around his eyes and the sun touching his ginger hair making it glow, and she knew that this was her friend even with all that he brought back with him. 

And then she was moving and throwing her arms around him and pulling him into her body. There was the possibility that she was hugging him too tightly but she couldn’t quite bring herself to care as all the fears dissipated with him against her. He was solid and warm and his arms were around her waist now holding just as tightly as she was to him. She could feel cheek against her head and his breathing on her ear, and she wondered if he could feel her tears falling on him. 

“Sorry I didn’t write the last few weeks. I was going to write you one last letter, but I figured I could say it all to you once we were face to face.”

Eugene’s voice was muffled but she could still hear him. There was a half hearted laugh against his shoulder and finally, after another few moments of holding onto each other, Jinny allowed herself to step back. Her hands were still clasping his arms as if he would vanish without her there to anchor. He was smiling now and so was she, reaching up to touch his cheek. “I guess I can let it slide this time.”

His hand covered hers to hold it there. It was calloused and strong, so different from the hands she remembered before. She was surprised to see him looking at her with the same curiosity and searching that mirrored her own. He was trying to see the parts of her that had changed and fill in all the pieces of what her letters did not tell him about what he had missed of her life. Eugene swallowed hard and shook his head, still smiling. 

“I love you Jinny Collins.”

There were seldom moments in her life that she remembered being too stunned to say something. But standing here with Eugene in her arms Jinny found her mind reeling with his declaration. How many times had Jinny thought those same words? Even before he had left, she had dreamt of saying them to him.  How many times had she thrown away a draft of a letter that had those three words written carefully at the end? She had loved him for so long. And he loved her?  She cupped his cheek in her hand and stared up at him with teary eyes and uttered the phrase that she wished she had said the last day they were together in the field of grass: 

“I love you too.”

[skybrightpixie]

like i said earlier, i wrote something from tóm's point of view. the setting is his bedroom in front of a mirror before he's about to go to work.

cw: mentions of abuse, relapsing, mentions of sex (but nothing beyond that)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I look good.

Don’t I?

I feel like I look good. This is how I always dreamed of looking.

I…

…look…

…fine?

At the very least I look fine.

I keep myself hygienic. My hair is healthy. I’m not as fit as I could be, but it’s not like I’m usually planning to run a marathon.

I look. Fine.

I look fine. Other people think I look good. I feel good, and I’m confident, too.

Well, maybe that part about other people thinking I look good is true. I mean, it kind of is? No, what they mean is that they think Thomas looks good.

Thomas isn’t Tómur, to them.

It should never be.

I kind of wish it were, though…

I feel so nauseous hiding this part of me. And the fact I feel nauseous about it sickens me.

What right does Tóm have to feel sick about it? I’m a murderer. I’m selfish. But what I’m doing has got to be right.

No, people love Thomas because he does so much actual good for them. Thomas is confident—I’m confident. I make medicines and distribute them to everyone in need for absolutely nothing. I’ve made prosthetics and provide therapy and-

And I work so hard.

I work so hard… For what?

I’m trying to continue Mom’s work for her. She did so much. She did everything I’m doing better than I could. If she were alive, right now, she’d be so embarrassed of me…

I’m nothing like her. I’m so tired. I feel pathetic. I’m being selfish. I’m so selfish. I have to keep pushing. I have to keep working like she would have.

Dad said that she loved me. I think she loved me, she must have. She worked so hard for us and for everyone in the world. I have to keep pushing myself and continue to make them proud. I have to make my family proud. I hope they’re watching me.

God, please don’t be fucking watching me. I’m so embarrassed to be me. I wish I was never born. I’m embarrassed to be alive. I’m sorry I’m such an embarrassment to you. I have to keep going, but what for?

SELFISH. FUCKING SELFISH.

You’re doing this for everyone else! It doesn’t matter how tired you think you are. You’re a useless person and this is your retribution. Keep going. You have to help make everyone’s lives easier. Because it’s unfair.

Suck it up. Damn it, my face is covered in tears and I’m- I’m shaking. I can’t go to work like this… I need to call in—no! But I’m so tired—but people need me! I’m supposed to be there for them.

You’re going to let people down, either way.

…

I’m not going to work today. I wasted my time washing up and getting dressed because I can’t even look in the mirror for two fucking minutes without breaking down.

I’m so useless.

I feel like throwing up.

I wish I had someone to cuddle, right now… It would feel so nice…

Who would even want to look at somebody like me. Some sorry man on his knees in front of a mirror in his room. Alone. Alone.

How long has it been since I was with him? How long has it been since I-... I buried his fucking body in the ground. He’ll never touch me again. I’m happy he’s dead.

But… I miss him.

Oh god, why do I miss him, right now!?

I miss when he held me. I miss when he was gentle with me. I miss when it felt like he loved me. It felt like he loved me. But he was so… He was so bad for me. He lied… He LIED. And he used me. He was going to hurt Ei Phyu! I’m glad I killed him. It felt so good driving that knife into him. To watch him bleed. Watch him suffer like he made me suffer. I don’t want to miss that bastard.

But I wish I had somebody to hold me, right now…

Why would anybody want to hold some guy weeping on the floor? I’m so pathetic. I’m pathetic to miss him at all. How could you miss him? You really are desperate. To be so stupid that you would want him back just because he was the only person who held you.

I feel… needy. I want somebody to want my body, right now. What!? Where did this even come from? You’re lying on the floor crying and you want to have sex?

It feels good. It felt good. I haven’t been touched that way in so long. I thought I looked good. Why am I not desirable anymore? Maybe my body doesn’t actually look good. Maybe he did something to mess it up and I haven’t noticed this whole time. Or maybe I did. No, I didn’t. I like my body the way it is. But it isn’t desirable.

I feel so sick. Maybe I don’t deserve to have sex. I feel so disgusting. I feel messy. He did always say that I got messy during sex. But I couldn’t help it. I want to be held. I want my body to feel respected and loved. I want my body to be torn apart with how much they want me.

I’m nothing. I’m nothing. I’m never going to be touched again. People want commitment. I can’t give them that. I just can’t. But maybe I should consider pushing through it if I want to be fucked so badly. No, no—that would be disrespectful to them. I would be as bad as him.

I’m becoming as bad as him..?

I can’t even get hugs without asking first.

Because you made it a point to draw hard boundaries. Because you’re scared. And your friends respect your boundaries. It’s your fault.

It’s all my fault.

It’s all my fault.

It’s always my fault.

I deserve all of this.

[the-massive-simp]

In the right place - Nikolai Lantsov x reader

IT TOOK ME AGES TO WRITE THIS HELP btw this is my first long(ish) fic so it wont be the best but i tried really hard for nik<3<3

remember that english is not my first language, sorry for any errors! (feel free to point them out in the comments, i'll correct them)

REMEMBER TO DRINK WATER AND EAT SOMETHING TODAY OR I'LL COME TO YOUR HOUSE WITH MY AGGRESSIVE PARROT luv ya<3

warnings: Nikolai is stupid, kind of angst(?) but not really (happy ending), nik drinks like two glasses of kvas but he doesn't get drunk

Maybe this is not where I’m supposed to be. She thought, looking at the stars. It was night, at the Grand Palace, and she’d been sitting at the window for what felt like hours. But her mind, her stupid, stubborn mind, was miles away from that room. 

The first time they met, he was not himself. He was Sturmhond, the self-proclaimed ”sexiest privateer of all the True Sea”, and he offered her a place in his crew. At that time his name was not as famous, but the rumors about him were starting to grow. When she heard his name slip from the mouth of a Shu girl walking through the harbour with a boy who seemed her brother, she followed the two. She wanted to leave that city, so might at well get a nice job that would make her travel the world. -Wait!- the two Shu turned around and looked at her. Shortly after she was in the Captain’s cabin, and then in his crew. As she passed more and more time with the privateer, she found her heart beat quicker every time he said one of his stupid flirty jokes to her, every time she saw him shout orders to the crew to lead them through yet another storm, every time his strange reddish hair were ruffled by the wind sea, every time she looked into his odd eyes. She always wondered what love felt like. She was in love with Love, but was what she felt really that? Was it just a stupid crush? Or maybe he really was that anchor she was searching for, that something to rely on when she had a bad day, that someone to hold closer as the night came. So the hopeful girl looked with heart eyes at the young captain, and the young captain looked at the waves. 

When Alina and Mal came, she was scared. She saw the way her captain looked at the Saint. Oh it was so unfair to call him hers, so selfish, she knew that. But her heart thought otherwise. And before she knew it, her captain was not her captain anymore. When they crashed on the ground of Ravka and he revealed his true identity, she was pretty shocked. The twins left some clues for her to pick up about Sturmhond not being his real name, but she didn’t know his real one. She looked at his ginger hair becoming lighter, his eyes now fading until they became hazel, like sugary honey. She saw power and authority rushing to him, to his undeniably regal features, that overall recalled the one she learned to love. She tried his name in her mouth. Nikolai Lantsov. Nikolai. Was her privateer still there? The astonished girl looked at the young prince, and he glanced at her. 

During the war she discovered that Nikolai wasn’t different from Sturmhond, but she somehow saw him in a different way. Maybe it was that he kept changing masks to fit in his place as the prince, or maybe it was the fact that now she knew that she couldn’t have him. He was meant to marry a princess or a rich and noble girl or maybe a certain Sun Summoner. But Saints, her heart couldn’t care less, he wanted to be torn apart by those golden locks, by those hazel eyes, by that cocky grin, by that amazing man that Nikolai Lantsov was. She watched him become closer and closer to Alina, and she knew that if she really loved him she was supposed to be happy: after all, what is love if not caring for the happiness of that certain someone that makes us see the world ten times brighter? When she heard that the Sun Summoner had the Lantsov Emerald, she felt her heart tighten. So, the sad girl looked at the happy prince, and he forced himself to not look at her. 

Then that day came. The day when the Darkling found the Spinning Wheel. She ran towards the screams just in time to see her captain, her king, her Nikolai inhaling two shadows. She rushed to him, as he tore off his shirt, to reveal the dark lines that were spreading under his skin. She took his hands and looked at his terrified face, drowning in his hazel eyes, two deep golden-brown wells. He threw his head back and screamed when two black wings erupted on his back. They looked at eachother one last time and then he flew away. 

And now that the war was over, he didn’t talk to her. Saints, he didn’t even acknowledge her existence! Every time she was in his presence, even if it was just for a public speech of his, she hoped, prayed, that he would lay his eyes on her and notice her. Oh, how stupid of her to fall for Sturmhond, for him, for his golden locks, for his hazel eyes, for his charming personality, for his stupid grin, for his beautiful laugh. She thought that maybe, somewhere in the now king’s hearth there was some space for her, but she was obviously wrong. This and other thoughts of the same kind ran through her head, keeping her awake. Until a knock on the door interrupted the frantic activity of her mind. When she opened the door, her eyes met the last face she expected.

-Nikolai?-

-I need to talk to you.-

When he first met her, he’d never thought that he would stay awake so late thinking about her. A hundred times the urge to get up and go to her room came to him, and a hundred times he pushed it away. Maybe, if he fell for her back when he was Sturmhond, they could have a chance. But now? He had been avoiding her since the last battle in the Fold, because he had his duties as a king to keep him from marrying whoever he wanted. But she’s a war hero! People would love her as a queen. There was this voice in the back of his mind, constantly breaking down every single objection he tried to make. You can’t let her go this way. Saints, he had never wished so bad to be an ordinary person. In another life, they’d have met at one of their village’s festivals, and they would have danced all night. No weight of a nation on their backs, no pressure at all, just two ordinary people living an ordinary life, full of ordinary things… if love can ever be called that. He stretched an arm to reach the bottle of kvas that was in the corner of the desk and poured himself a glass. He slided the chair back slightly and downed all the liquid in one sip. He reached for the bottle again,but the urge to see her came back, stronger than ever before. It crashed against his rationality and destroyed it, like a wave destroying the sandcastles built by little children. He got up and left his chambers, telling his guards to not follow him. He walked to her chamber, but it wasn’t enough. He tried to keep his composure, and forced himself to not run through the hallways, up and down the stairs of the Big Palace. He stopped when he faced her door. He raised a hand to knock and waited. After a moment she opened the door: she looked surprised to see him, and she had all the rights to be. After all, he’d been avoiding her for almost a month. When he said that he needed to talk to her, her expression hardened. 

-You haven’t talked to me, apparently without a reason, for a while. What makes my presence…- she was trying to be mad, but then he interrupted her, and spoke.

-I’m sorry. For ignoring you. And for everything else.- The irritation that crinkled her features shifted towards curiosity. 

-What do you mean with “everything else”?- 

-Can I come in?- she pondered the question for a moment and then stepped aside to let him in. She followed him and then closed the door. He took a deep breath in and runned an hand through his hair. 

-So, what did you mean?-

-I meant all the time I made you waste. We should had this conversation long ago, and I’m sorry for making you wait-

-Nikolai I accept your excuses, but don’t you dare to ignore me for a month again- she smiled at him.

-I wasn’t talking about that. At least, not only that.-

-You’re confusing me.-

-People often feel that way when they see me, no need to worry.- 

-Nikolai.-

He huffed and then he tried to speak again, but she preceded him. 

-I think I’m actually the one that has something important to say.-

-Well then ladies first.-

-Since we.. uhm I mean I- oh fuck it she tought. -I have feelings for you. That kind of feelings. Since we met. At the start it was just a crush but I fear that it might have evolved into something more. I know that you probably don’t feel the same but I thought that it was fair to let you know. You don’t have to worry about my professionality, this doesn’t affect my work and- he interrupted her by walking to the windowsill, where she was sitting, and taking her hands in his.

-Well, usually I have a talent for excelling, but this time you beat me on time- she was surprised, almost shocked.

-Wait do you mean that-

-Yes, I, the amazing and damnably handsome Nikolai Lantsov, have feelings for you. That kind of feelings- 

She hugged him, and he hugged her back. They held each other so hard it almost hurt, but they didn’t care. Her feet almost didn’t touch the pavement, but he had her back. She put her hands on his cheeks and whispered against his lips before kissing him: -I’ve waited so long for this- 

The kiss was sweet and chaste. It felt like two pieces of the same puzzle finally finding their place next to each other. It felt like steel finding flint. Nikolai hoped, prayed that the spark would never expire. He wanted to know every inch of her mind and her body. He wanted to see her in a beautiful dress, in the chapel where the royal weddings were celebrated. He wanted to wake up next to her for the rest of his life. And she wanted him the same way. She wanted to lay on his chest and feel his heartbeat. She wanted to hear him calling her love, darling, this time not in one of his jokes. She wanted to place her lips on his every night before going to sleep. That night, they slept in the same bed, holding close the person they loved the most. And it was exactly where they were supposed to be. 

[cinamun]

I’m sorry I know it’s late but this has been brewing with me for awhile and I know imma ruffle some feathers so I apologize in advance. I’m angry…. I’m angry for Hope and Elliot but mainly Elliot. What he did was selfish, cruel and disrespectful towards his friendship with Hope and her family. But as someone who tried to commit suicide I understand it…. I understand the loneliness and the pain of failure and staying there and thinking that’s all you are. Elliot legit had NO ONE other than Hope and her family and without realizing it it was taken from him. Hope had every right to discover herself and follow her own path, but she was the only support Elliot had. He was abandoned by his mother, forced to live out a dream by his father, replaced the love for Hope with Hani which was unfair to her and him and never had the time to figure out who he was and what he wanted. Please no one think this is a defense for Elliot and what he did. All I’m saying is I understand why he figured he had no other choice because at that point he was back to being the abandoned child who was alone watching his father trying to relive a time that was gone. Darren was his father, Indya was his mother and Hope was the love of his life all of who had their own lives to live. Elliot was failed by his parents and I’m angry with Sean for not giving him the live he deserved instead taking it away as punishment for the “life” he was “robbed” of by the “woman” who chose to leave. If I see her ass at the service I’m hopping through the screen and beating her ass myself. Thank you for coming to my red table talk.

You know what time it is anonymous friend, let's get into it:

First off, I'm glad you're still here. The bookclub loves you.

Now, here's the thing; the anger is the biggest piece here, its the 2nd stage of grief. Its valid to be angry at everyone who failed this young man INCLUDING this young man. You're absolutely right about the progression of Elliot's reliance on The Drake Family. It became a safe space for him where there was none.

What I hoped to do, and it looked like it worked out, was show how two kids with vastly different backgrounds and experiences might handle something like love. Basically, I took a play out of the Indya/Darren circa 2017 playbook and applied it to the next generation. This time it was Elliot with a broken home and codependency issues, reliant on the love and support of a healthy Hope with a healthy support system being taught healthy boundaries. What drew Hope and Elliot apart is actually something 2017 Indya/Darren just dealt with and that was disrespect and intimidation (Elliot and the B word on the porch).

But we no longer do that here, so Elliot had to go off and deal with his shit. He did so with blunts, whatever, do you bro.

But now as a young adult and all this pressure to perform, he never addresses this deep rooted anger (see what I did there?). Elliot is angry, he's pissed that Hani isn't Hope, that all he is worth is a contract and a smile (and rushing yards and touchdowns). He's pissed off that Hope ran off to go be happy with some random who "doesn't have the history" they do. And we all know what happens when we do things out of anger; as another bookclub member said, we "make permanent solutions for temporary problems". Elliot never made it past the 2nd stage of grief after losing his world.

Personally, I believe he could have if he tried hard enough. Kinda like how Darren did.

[silver-wield]

Honestly I tolerated, sometimes liked Aerith in Remake. But it seems like Rebirth will make me dislike her so so much. She seems like such a backstabber who doesn’t care about hurting her supposed friend, Tifa. She’s aware Cloud and Tifa have something going on and yet, she continues to cling to and flirt with Cloud and he lets her. It really sucks because I wanted to like the Aerti friendship, but it seems only Tifa is super duper kind while Aerith is just not. Aerith seems so selfish and unkind to me. And honestly, it makes me dislike Cloud a little too and Cloud is actually one of my favorite protagonists. But it seems unfair because Tifa has only ever loved him and she’s doing everything she can to watch out for him, because she’s knows he’s not quite right. I know they’re not together yet, and I know I’m being unfair to the poor dude with Jenova-brain, but it just doesn’t feel right to see Cloud let Aerith flirt and get so close and to stare into her eyes like that. It makes it feel like Cloud can do anything, no matter how much it’ll hurt Tifa or how wrong it is, and it’s like it’s okay because Tifa will always be there and love him anyway, kind of like a punching bag. I don’t know if I’m explaining it right. I feel like Tifa deserves so much more because she’s such a kind, beautiful soul. My heart hurts for her. I wanted Cloud to only love and look at her the way she does him, even if he’s not all there. But I guess since he’s not himself yet, he gets a free pass right? Since this is all a red herring, it’s okay whatever he does right? He can do whatever he wants with whatever girl until Tifa devotes herself to his comatose ass and helps him find his real self in the LS and then he can reveal his love for her all along. Idk man this leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I played OG, platinumed Remake, and preordered Rebirth, but this trailer kind of zapped some of my excitement. I’ll still play it, but I guess I’m not as excited, especially since it seems to be heavily Clerith, with a dash of Zerith, and we still have 3 or so years until the next part. And even then, I’m not as excited anymore either for how the rest turns out too…

It's okay, a lotta people feel the same way you do, and it's because we really hoped SE wouldn't do this to Tifa, so the letdown is huge. They're the ones who went around screaming Tifa and Aerith were best friends and showing how supportive and kind Tifa is to Aerith in ToTP and then having Aerith be all "look how cool Tifa is!!!" in her part, only to show that actually she's just another two faced back stabber trying to fuck Cloud.

I said once that Tifa has no female friends because they all wanna fuck him, and it's true. She has no friends because of Cloud. Think about how isolated she is in all the novels. The boys in Nibelheim wanna get with her, so she keeps them at arm's length. In Midgar she wants to be friends with Jessie, but she's just using her. Although she's popular around sector 7 she isn't close to anyone except Marlene, who's a literal child. Aerith is two faced. The others in the team all disperse and go home. All she has is Cloud and the kids. Then Cloud starts acting stupid and her only so called supportive adult leaves and she has nobody.

When I say Tifa deserves better, I mean Tifa deserves better.

Tifa's so strong emotionally. She never blames anyone else for her situation, even though they deserve to be blamed. She hates being alone but she carries on. She never succumbs to mental weakness or geostigma. She's a titan and SE should acknowledge that instead of treating her like shit.

[adrunkskeletonsduck]

5:54ᴘᴍ

➜ Pairing: Platonic!Ahsoka Tano x reader

➜ Warnings: Angst, none

➜ Word Count: 0.8k

➜ Notes: This was originally supposed to be for a request but then I messed it up. Also, thank you for 400, you have no idea how much it means to me 😭🙏💗

Sᴛᴀʀᴡᴀʀs Mᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ

“Ahsoka!” You called to her, watching as she descended the steps of the temple, her head hanging uncharacteristically low as she walked. You’d heard the results of her trial and had been on your way back to the temple after your latest mission to congratulate her enthusiastically.  

It hadn't been fair, the way the council had turned their backs on her so quickly or how she was being accused of a crime that she didn’t commit. You knew how much it had affected her, and you were beyond upset that you hadn't been able to be there to support her. The council couldn’t have chosen a worse time to send you off on a mission. Or maybe the timing had been purposeful, who knew.  

Her head turned at the sound of your voice, eyes glossy and weighed down with guilt. A deep sense of dread pooled in your stomach. She’d proven her innocence, she had won, so why did she look so glum? You sped up your pace, concern painting your every feature and replacing your once cheerful attitude. 

“What happened? What's wrong? I thought Anakin proved your innocence?” the questions tumbled from your lips, one after another as you came to a stop in front of her. Her gaze flitted down to the ground as she answered,  

“He did but...” she paused, taking a sharp breath in. The words were painful, and she didn’t want to say it because it would make the fact that she was about to lose you all the more real. Part of her had hoped your mission would run a little longer so she wouldn’t have to face you. So, she wouldn’t have to be the one who broke the news to you. It was selfish, she knew that, and selfishness wasn’t something Jedi were aloud, but she wasn’t a Jedi anymore.  

 Looking back up at you she spoke again, “but I’m not coming back.” You furrowed your eyebrows, only now noticing the absence of her padawan beads and lightsabers that usually sat on her hips. 

“What do you mean?” you asked, you could feel the weight her words carried, it made your stomach churn uncomfortably.  

“I’m not coming back,” Ahsoka repeated again. And then it all clicked and suddenly you understood. She was leaving. You’d never see her again. Your face paled, your chest clenching as tears sprung to your eyes. 

 You opened your mouth, then closed it as you tried to find the words to voice all your questions and not break down at the same time, but all that came out was a broken sob. A trembling hand came up to cover your mouth as tears spilled over your waterline and down your cheeks.  

“I don’t understand – w-what happened?” You whispered from behind your hand. Your voice shaking as you spoke. A few hot tears of her own ran down her face.  

“I just need to figure this out on my own, without the Jedi,” she said quietly  

“What about me? Are you just going to leave me behind?” your voice twisted in pain, and you had to look away from her as you wiped at your face, a pointless effort as more tears fell to replace the ones that you’d wiped. She pulled you into a hug, wrapping her arms around you tightly and gluing her eyes shut. You reciprocated the gesture, holding her by the waist as the two of you cried into the others shoulder.  

“I-I’ll go with you,” you cried, “I’ll leave right now with you...I just don’t want to lose you.” 

She pulled away, holding you at arm's length and shaking her head, “You belong here, with the Jedi. This is your home.”  

“This is your home to though,” you tried to reason with her, although you knew it was unfair of you to ask her to stay and a pointless effort because she had already made up her mind. You took deep breaths as she answered, forcing yourself to calm down.  

“No,” she whispered sadly, “Not since the council turned their back on me like that,” you nodded in understanding, removing your hands from her arms to wipe at your face again. A raw chuckle escaped your throat, 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.”  

Ahsoka smiled sadly, “You’ll be okay,” she whispered pulling you back into a hug, “You’ll be okay.”  

Her words were whispered as a comfort to the both of you, because you were sure you’d likely never see the other again, and just the thought broke your heart. Your glossy eyes shined brilliantly as you watched her descended the steps until her figure disappeared into the sunset. Watching as the girl you’d grown up with was slipped through your fingers and you could do nothing to stop it. The girl who’d gotten you through your worst moments, who you’d stuck with through thick and thin, who’d been the reason you smiled and laughed for so many years, that girl was gone.   

You’d shared smiles and tears, gone through your darkest and brightest moments together and now, you’d share heartbreak together, one last time.   

[armoricaroyalty]

Andre's promises weren't worth much, but he had never intentionally misled her. It was the sort of thing you could substitute for trustworthiness, in a pinch.

Previous | Chapter Start | From the Beginning | Next

author’s note: according to the timestamps on the DMs, the andre/leonor affair started out as a joke on december 16th and then became an entire fleshed-out thing in record time. this was supposed to be a quick diversion and here we are, 3 months later...

9:17 PM / February 27th, 2016

FREDERICK | ...how could you? In public? Surrounded by press? FREDERICK | You’re not even trying to hide it. It’s like you don’t even care. ANDRE | That’s unfair — FREDERICK | [scoffs] Unfair? To who? Your wife, maybe? You know, my mom? ANDRE | [sighs] I’m not going behind her back, Freddy. She knows about Leonor. She always has. FREDERICK | ‘Always has?’ How long has this been going on? How long have you been lying to everyone? ANDRE | Freddy please, I never lied — FREDERICK | Bullshit! You lied, Dad! You’ve been cheating on Mom — ANDRE | Please, keep your voice down — ANDRE | —and give me a chance to explain. It’s not what you think. FREDERICK | I saw you! I saw the two of you together! ANDRE | And I’m not denying it! Leonor is...very important to me. ANDRE | [swallows] When my mother died, I —  I had to be strong. I became the Crown Prince overnight and they never gave me time to grieve. ANDRE | [offscreen] Leonor never expected me to play a role. She gave me space to grieve. She took care of me. FREDERICK | [offscreen] So you slept with her? ANDRE | [offscreen] No. You have to believe me: I never crossed that line. FREDERICK | [offscreen] Did you love her? ANDRE | [offscreen] ...yes. ANDRE | I loved her and I loved your mother. I loved them both, but I chose your mother. For twenty years, I chose her — and her. All three of you. ANDRE | Twenty years, Freddy. I loved your mother, I raised you kids. I did everything everyone asked of me. And now, I want to do one thing for me. ANDRE | I never meant to hurt anyone. FREDERICK | ...I don’t think that matters, Dad. FREDERICK | You used my international debut to meet up with your mistress. Was this whole thing just an excuse for you to get your dick wet? ANDRE | [shocked] Frederick — FREDERICK | No! You don’t get to lecture me, you’re a liar and a cheater — ANDRE | Life isn’t black and white, Frederick. Someday you’ll understand — FREDERICK | No, Dad, I’m not like you! I’m not a selfish piece of shit! I’ll never understand why you would cheat on your wife, who loves you. ANDRE | [sighs] I hope so. I hope you’re a better man than me. If you are...that’s your mother’s influence, I think. ANDRE | Your mother is a good woman. She deserves better...And that’s why I have to ask you to keep this a secret. You can gate me, but don’t make this public. Don’t humiliate her like that. ANDRE | I’m proud of you, Freddy. You’ve been working so hard. FREDERICK | Dad... ANDRE | I’ve been holding you back. I was worried...but I shouldn’t have been. You’re a good kid, I know you’ll do the right thing. FREDERICK | I... FREDERICK | I won’t tell anyone. ANDRE | [offscreen] Promise? FREDERICK | Promise. ANDRE | [offscreen] You’re a good man, Freddy. Thank you. FREDERICK | [offscreen] Sure. FREDERICK | [offscreen] I’m not doing it for you. ANDRE | [offscreen] I know. FREDERICK | [offscreen] I’m doing it for Mom. ANDRE | [offscreen] I know.

LEONOR | Did you speak to him? ANDRE | I did. LEONOR | What did he say? Are we going to be tomorrow’s headline? ANDRE | Don’t worry about Freddy. He won’t say a word. LEONOR | Good. LEONOR | Thank you. ANDRE | Leo... ANDRE | We’ve said good-bye too many times. I won’t let you go again. LEONOR | Promise? ANDRE | Promise.

[everybody-loves-purdy]

hello! :) i dont think ive ever sent an ask to this account before but reading your posts is so awesome!

i havent read warriors in a hot minute, i kind of lost interest after avos, so i dont really know whats happening currently in the series, but i was just curious maybe about what your favorite book was before the broken code? (just because i don't know anything past that haha) and any thoughts on it! i hope this makes sense! thank you :)

Hiya! Thanks very much I’m honoured!

It’s hard to say honestly! But I think if I were to choose just one, probably currently Shattered Sky (book 3 of avos) and that stands for broken code and beyond too!

One bias I may have here is that Darktail is my second favourite warrior cat, and one of my favourite characters of all time period, and Needletail is probably my third favourite warrior cat, but honestly this book is a key reason why for both characters.

It’s just the perfect way to end an arc… in book 3. But man it just has everything.

SkyClan returns

The mystery of what happened to Dawnpelt not being spoon fed to the audience, in the end it’s a non POV character (Needletail) who makes the connection of what exactly happened to her in one of the most underrated scenes in all of warriors.

Needletail having the perfect way to end her selfish to selfless character arc through both her iconic sacrifice and for things she does throughout the book as well such as give up food for fellow prisoners

Darktail, just Darktail. He just somehow kicks it up a notch this book he is just absolutely despicable. Using kittypets and elders as frontline soldiers in battle in order to deter the enemy from attacking too fiercely. Promising to take cats who want to leave the kin to the border himself and murdering them instead (which is done so effectively in the eyes of a naive young protagonist who doesn’t realise what’s going on), the murder of Rain, enforced starvation of prisoners, the little game he plays to traumatise Violetpaw and Needletail at the lake which ultimately ends in Needletail’s sacrifice. And his iconic confrontation with his father. And those are just the highlights of this book, I love this character so much.

And then we don’t just have one battle in this book, we have three, but the last battle is truly one of the most underrated in warriors. All of the clans using their unique skills to defeat the kin, with RiverClan rising out of the lake is just, amazing, it’s just amazing. I love you shattered sky, it’s unfair how people just lump avos as the worst arc when such a strong beginning and such a phenomenal middle book as this exist.

Also sidenote somehow, the book still has time to give Purdy a heart attack and have him die lol. And it doesn’t feel out of place. Everything just works.

[writingwhilecaffeinated]

Hi! I've been reading your fic for a while now, and I want to come here to just make my point that I love your writing and your fanfic (Unspooled Thread).

Can I just have this moment to say that I love how you're portraying Violet?

I mean, in the books that I read, I thought she was worse than in the TV show (I like Violet, I just mean that she's more insistent and stuff in the books). In the show, we can see she loves her family but is settled on marrying all of her children for love, because she wants them to have what she had. Which is beautiful because we're talking about love, but also too pressuring and kinda selfish, if you think about it. Because it's love, we don't see it as selfish, and because she's a mother, and a good one as they sell to us. But taking Eloise as an example, Eloise doesn't want any of this, or at least not in the way her mother wants it for her. And it's upsetting that she has to live in a certain way because society AND her mother demands her to (although Violet is very chill about it concerning Eloise. She doesn't force her to marry and all that)

EITHER WAY- MY POINT BEING:

I love that Violet is kind of a shell of what she once was. I don't know about the younger ones, but at least Anthony, Benedict, Daphne and Eloise have their problems with her. Anthony by being forced to deal with everything, Ben and Daphne kinda the same but in other aspects. And I love how you're always hinting at Benedict being fed up with it, wanting to be the child again and not the father of his siblings. Even if it's unfair, we know that Anthony already has this hole, and it's exhausting to know everyone else has to suffer the same fate, the older ones.

I loved how Daphne confronted Violet in this chapter. As a mother, Violet had failed her when she failed to prepare her for life. Of course, it's not Violet's fault. Daphne could simply not have gone with Simon into a bloody garden known to be a place where you're ravished SUHAHUSAHUSUAHHSUA She could have done it for her team. But once everything happened, Violet could have tried harder to explain things considering she was overly familiar with the notion, having EIGHT children. I know it's awkward, but good Lord, a bit more would suffice.

Also, I know Portia isn't a great mother to Penelope, but I like the TV version, and I also like that she showed concern for Marina in some extent. I like how Bridgertons and Featheringtons are opposite to each other in many aspects, and I think I really like how Portia is everything Violet can't be. She may not show affection as Violet does, but she is bloodthirsty for getting her daughters a better life. She does whatever she can, unashamedly.

I have much more to say, but I said quite a lot USHAHUSAHUSHUAHUSAHUSAUHSA So I'll apologize for this huge ask and go back to study.

First and foremost, thank you for reading!! I appreciate it immensely and I hope you will continue to like it! ♥️♥️♥️

Second, I have FEELINGS about Violet, all that you’ve seen by how well you dissected I’m portraying her in this fic and her children’s complicated feelings about her. @velvetcovered-brick and I discussed at length how do we portray this loving mother figure that also has flaws? How do we demonstrate the complicated emotions her older children might have about it?

You’ve nailed it on the head. Yes, she’s a loving mother but she cannot force her children to chase live in the way she wants them to. That’s a journey they must have on their own, it cannot be forced.

While Benedict’s character in the show hasn’t been explored via flashbacks like Anthony has, I have assumed that since Anthony has had to balance being a viscount and a father figure. When Anthony is consumed with the role of viscount, Benedict, and I have always assumed Daphne, took on parent roles.

This strikes me the most for Benedict in the way he checks on Eloise or how he wrangles the squabble between Gregory and Hyacinth at the breakfast table. For Daphne you see it in how she treats her sisters.

At the same time, I imagine they wish their mom would step up a bit more cause they want their own lives separate from the care of their siblings. They may love their family but that doesn’t change wanting to be an independent adult with your own identity.

Daphne’s bitterness needed to be… palpable. I always felt how it came through in the show, feeling so unprepared. And if I’m being honest… I have a similar feeling towards my own mother. My mom hated having tough conversations, whether it was about how my body worked or about emotions. So she preferred to never have them at all. So I identify with Daphne’s feelings deeply.

And while Portia is not my favorite character, I have no doubt she does love her daughters. Does she underestimate Penelope? Yes. Has she been a neglectful of her youngest? Yes. But I know she loves her and truly believes she is doing what’s best.

Phew, that was a lot of feelings. Anyways, thank you for reading and I hope you’ll continue to like the story!! ♥️♥️♥️

[gotham-is-the-best-worst-show]

Talking About The Isabella Arc part 1

CW: Helluvaboss discussion

I hate for one of my first posts on here to be negative, but I feel so mad that we were pitted against Ed in the whole Isabella situation.

I really wish that we would have got to see Ed's side of the story. I felt like the whole time, we were so disproportionately seeing it from Oswald's perspective, that it really was unfair to Ed as a character.

I know that Oswald is an extremely important character to the show, and Ed's character is usually an accessory to Oswald, but . . . As a Riddler kinnie, it’s so unfair.

The thing about me is I love fictional relationships in which both characters are equally bad people, doing equally selfish things to each other. It’s like candy to me, it’s so interesting to explore and write about, and it’s always exciting.

And that is one of my favorite parts about Oswald and Ed's dynamic, that they are equals. When one of them has the upperhand, the other will eventually come out on top.

I think that their power dynamic is very compelling. Oswald helped to begin Ed's criminal career, and Ed seems lost without his guidance. But also Oswald is hopelessly in love with Ed and will always be waiting for the day Ed reciprocates.

I feel that they both love each other so much for reasons that are selfish. Oswald loves Ed for the same reason Fish Mooney loved Oswald: she 'made' him. Ed loves Oswald because he gives him a sense of identity he can’t have on his own.

I really hate the way that gay men who are in unrequited love are sometimes so infantilized by the framing of the narrative. I’m thinking about the character of Stolas in Hellavaboss (I despise that I have to mention that show).

In the beginning of Helluvaboss, the show is a lot more honest about Stolas' morality and selfishness as a character than it gets as it goes on.

In the beginning, we see Stolas as an entitled noble who cheats on his wife with an imp, using Blitzo for his own shallow sexual gratification while being belittling to Blitzo, uncaring about the effect this has on his daughter until she brings to his attention the way it damages their relationship.

Blitzo, too, is shown to be cold and callous to Stolas for reasons that are understandable, but also it is clear he is using Stolas too, for Stolas' grimoire.

I think that this was a good set up.

I was really hoping for Stella to be a somewhat sympathetic character who is lashing out because she is being betrayed by her husband who she loved, because I am very much not into the way that (often) queer-created media or queer fanon likes to demonize women who get in the way of the gay ships. (Examples: hatred for and abuse of Harley Quinn because she gets in the way of BatJokes, hatred for and abuse of Lizzie Midford because she gets in the way of SebaCiel)

This sort of thing happens with any ship, that people hate certain characters for getting in the way of their ship, but it’s just annoying to me the misogynist undertones when it comes to women characters. (Saying Lizzie deserves to die because she has an annoyingly high voice . . . Um . . . She’s a preteen girl . . . Of course she has a high voice . . . It’s okay to not like her voice, but most people who say that obviously hate her more for being a ship cockblock)

It’s so much more interesting to be able to have sympathy for all sides.

And also, I was hoping to watch a show that is honest about its own character's immorality, and lets us feel for them anyway. No moralizing bullshit to only make us feel for the 'good guys' and hate the 'bad guys'. Just a show about horrible people all around that we can nonetheless relate to and enjoy.

But as it goes on . . . Things fall apart.

The show started to frame Stolas in an infantilizing light, making Blitzo out to be the villain only because Stolas is in love with him, which is so fucked up, because Blitzo doesn’t have to love Stolas, or anyone at all. That’s just kind of true of anyone. Nobody has to be in love with anyone, even with people who they are in a sexual relationship with, and that’s a fact of life.

Even though Blitzo obviously has romantic feelings for Stolas, that’s also not an excuse. He doesn’t owe Stolas anything. This whole relationship was based off of mutual selfish gain, and so, it’s really not Blitzo's responsibility that Stolas caught feelings.

It seems to me a very easy way to manipulate the audience. Because the majority of the fanbase of Helluvaboss are queer people and they know very well what it feels like to be in unrequited love (often with a straight person, or else someone who is struggling to be honest about their identity), they are more likely to sympathize with Stolas.

And Stella is demonized completely, so she’s just a bitch who abuses Stolas because she’s a bitch and does the bitchiest things the writers can think of to make you hate her.

All this would be fine if the show stopped doing this weird thing where it tries to retcon its own characters' morality and manipulate the audience into thinking characters who are horrible people are worthy of sympathy and love and other characters who are also horrible people aren’t deserving of sympathy and love because of the manipulative framing which screws with the plot and makes the characters uninteresting pity-bait or hate-bait.

This is something that Gotham does sometimes, but it’s not such a glaring issue, I feel.