#it’s weird not knowing if you’ll die at 17 or 70 and you just have to like figure out while living every moment accepting it

[dahbeez]

1. "You're such a dork."

2. "Get over here, you doof."

3. "Cheeky."

4. "You're so needy."

5. "Kiss me again."

6. "You're so adorable!"

7. "Look at you... goodness, you're so cute!"

8. "I'm just so happy!"

9. "I can't stop smiling."

10. "I like that you make me laugh so much that my cheeks hurt."

11. "You are being extra sweet today."

12. "Oh, look at you!"

13. "Your eyes are so pretty."

14. "I'm really happy that you're here with me."

15. "Thank you for staying with me."

16. "I don't think I've ever loved someone this much before."

17. "I feel like I'm in the clouds when I'm with you."

18. "You're like my hero/heroine."

19. "I'm gonna tickle you if you don't come over here."

20. "My, oh my. You are such a beautiful creature."

@drink-it-write-it​

21. "Go with me?" "As long as you hold my hand."

22. "Is there a reason you're blushing like that?"

23. "Have you seen my hoodie?" "Nooooo..." "You're wearing it, aren't you?"

24. "OH you're jealous!"

25. "Can we stay like this forever?"

26. "Please just kiss me already."

27. "I think you might be my soulmate."

28. "Sleep over? Please?"

29. "Are we on a date right now?"

30. "I think I'm in love with you."

31. "Are you flirting with me?" "You finally noticed?"

32. "Am I your lockscreen?" "You weren't supposed to see that."

33. "I wish we could live together already."

34. "They're so cute when they're asleep."

35. "I just wanted to let you know that I think you're beautiful."

36. "Quit touching me, your feet are cold!"

37. "Sharing is caring, now give me the hoodie!"

38. "Give me attention."

39. "You met me yesterday." "Yes, and I would die for you. Next question."

40. "She's hiding behind the sofa."

41. "Did you just hiss at me?"

@wishiwasanavenger-archive​

42. "Have you kissed anyone before?"

43. "Can I kiss you?"

44. "You're not hurting me, you're not heavy. I've got you, love.” 

45. "I look at them and I just... it's like when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes."

46. "I don't... I've never... been in a relationship before and I'm going to make mistakes... I just need you to tell me. I need you to talk to me."

47. "You didn't tell me your friend was cute! Now what am I going to do?"

48. "You give me a reason to be better, to do better."

49. "God, you are so fucking cute."

50. "I love you, but I need you to go away because you're really bloody distracting and I have to pass this test tomorrow."

51. "Oh no... they're cute."

52. "I can't talk to cute people, okay? I don't know how to flirt!"

53. "God, I love your face."

54. "Don't look at me, I'm a mess!" "I love it when you're a mess!"

55. "Please do your homework for me...? Just one time." ... "I said one time, y'know... you didn't have to start studying. Not that I'm not proud or anything."

56. "I'm already home."

57. "Your comfort and happiness is more important to me than some stupid dinner."

58. "Stop moving! I'm going to have to start counting all over again!"

59. "I just thought that since you weren't feeling too good, this would help."

60. "I'm not kissing you in the rain! We'll catch our death!"

61. "Would it help if I stayed?"

62. "I apologise sincerely if my beautiful/handsome face has kept you up all night."

63. "God, you're pretty."

64. "Calm down, it's just a chocolate bar!"

65. "Please, tell me you brought a toothbrush?"

66. "You take the bed, you need it more than me."

67. "You're so warm!"

68. "You're freezing, Jesus!"

69. "You always look beautiful."

70. "Your hands are so small!"

71. "Sometimes I just want to cuddle, okay? Is that so bad?"

72. "Now I know where half my wardrobe went."

73. "Here, let me just–" 

74. "You're really special to me."

75. "That tickles!"

76. "We only have one room left for the night..."

77. "Naps are life, okay?"

78. "I don't think I could love you anymore than I already do."

79. "I had the weirdest dream..."

80. "I got you a trophy, it's only plastic, but it's for being the best human I know."

81. "Someone keeps leaving love notes in my locker and I don't know if I should find it endearing or creepy..."

82. "I love your voice."

83. "Put me down! I can walk!"

84. "Can... can you come over?"

85. "You're the best."

86. "Can you please stop biting your lip, it's distracting."

87. "I thought you liked love songs!"

88. "I know you're not a fan of Valentine's day... I just thought that maybe I could change your mind..."

89. "You're my favourite know-it-all."

90. "That was the least romantic proposal in the entire history of proposals."

91. "I never knew you were a romantic at heart."

92. "I made it. For you. I know it's not the best, but..."

93. "Let me carry that."

94. "How do you know my favourite drink?" "I'm observant."

95. "We've known each other's for years and I don't think we've ever had a proper conversation."

96. "You're the clumsiest person I know, how did you survive past childhood?"

97. "It's always time for a milkshake."

98. "You know, humming the James Bond theme tune defeats the point of sneaking."

99. "I think your cat wants to kill me."

100. "Where have all my jumpers gone?"

101. "I don't get paid enough for this shit."

102. "Oh my God, I love you."

103. "I told you to bring a jacket."

@writings-of-a-hufflepuff​

104. "Is that my shirt?" "You mean our shirt?"

105. "It's you, it always has been."

106. "You're everything I could've wanted and more."

107. "Kiss me."

108. "Home stopped being a place when you entered my life."

109. "You should probably go home." "But I'm already home."

110. "You're an idiot." "But you love me."

111. "I'd do anything for you."

112. "You took all the pillows so I'm using you as one."

113. "Stop moving and let me braid your hair."

114. "I'm so proud of you."

115. "You are my family."

116. "I'm right here."

117. "Can you just please hold me?"

118. "I'm pretty sure they're my soulmate."

119. "This reminded me of you."

120. "Your hair is really soft."

121. "Are you blushing?"

122. "Can I stay here tonight?"

123. "Because I love you."

124. "Make a wish!"

125. "I love seeing you smile."

126. "You're just a softie."

127. "You are crushing me right now."

128. "Darling I love you and all, but please step out of the kitchen."

129. "Take my hand. Just trust me."

130. "You're the only thing that matters."

131. "Did you know that you talk in your sleep?"

132. "Hey, look at me. Focus on me, alright?"

133. "Why can't I get you out of my head?"

134. "Don't let go."

135. "Stay."

@blisfvll​

136. "You smell really nice."

137. "If you steal the blanket, I'm going to put my cold feet on you."

138. "You're comfy."

139. "But I want to hear you sing."

140. "Don't get up – I'll do it."

141. "Care to give me a back scratch?"

142. "Your bed head is really cute."

143. "How about a kiss?"

144. "Uh oh, I know that look. What do you want?"

145. "Are you really flirting with me right now?"

146. "I like the way your hand fits in mine."

147. "You have something in your hair, umm... do you want me to get it out?"

148. "It's nice that your voice is the first thing I heard today."

149. "This movie is really scary, but you're into it so I'm trying not to cover my face the whole time but– WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?"

150. "Wait, don't pull away... not yet."

151. "Half the time I get too embarrassed to say anything."

152. "No, it's fine. I can wait until you're done talking to them."

153. "No, like... it's just, I can't believe you're actually wearing my clothes."

154. "I've been trying to get ready for like an hour and an half because I know you're going to look so good and I need to try and match up."

155. "I wanted to say 'I love you' for the first time without stuttering, but that failed."

156. "We could order pizza and just stay like this all day."

157. "It's not a double date. We're just third and fourth wheeling."

158. "I remember practicing how to ask you out in the mirror..."

@marauder-exe​

159. "It's not funny!"

160. "That wasn't suppose to happen."

161. "Hurry back."

162. "I can't take you seriously."

163. "Problem solved."

164. "That was embarrassing."

165. "It's freezing in here."

@love-me-a-good-prompt​

166. "I love you, baby."

167. "Hey, cutie."

168. "I promise to love you for the rest of my life."

169. "You're my world."

170. "I don't care if you're sick, catching a cold from kissing you is worth it."

171. "You are so perfect."

172. "Marry me?"

173. "You're the best part of me."

174. "Stay here with me. For the rest of our lives."

175. "I'm speechless, you're so beautiful!"

176. "Come here, I need to hug you."

177. "When everything's wrong, it's you that makes it right."

178. "You're the one."

@raggedy-dxctor​

179. "Well, it's the thought that counts." "Wait, no, don't take my kisses away from me!"

180. "Oh, you've started stealing my socks now?"

181. "You owe me a kiss."

182. "How did you get in here?"

183. "That's not even fair."

184. "You promised me a cookie!"

185. "Ew, that is so sappy, I might vomit."

186. "You're not very intimidating."

187. "That was, by far, the stupidest thing you've ever done."

188. "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."

189. "Why the hell is there glitter everywhere?"

@whcczes​

190. "I'll feel much better if you let me walk you home."

191. "Apparently, all our friends have a bet going that we end up together."

192. "You make me feel alive. For the first time ever, I feel like I can breathe."

@moanlightlust​

193. "It's two in the morning and you want to cuddle?"

194. "You shine so bright it's intimidating. I love it."

195. "I'm here."

196. "What's your name again? Sorry, I just got that super weird feeling that we only see in movies, you know? Like, the whole world stopped turning and all I could see was you."

197. "I was born to be yours."

198. "Isn't it a bit too cliché?"

199. "So, you're just kissing strangers for no apparent reasons?"

200. "You'll always be my favourite person."

201. "You're making it weird, stop making it weird."

202. "There's nothing I love more than running back into your arms."

203. "I'm yours. Forever."

204. "You always know how to cheer me up."

205. "I... I lost the ring."

206. "Will you be mine?"

207. "Darling, you look perfect tonight."

208. "You saved my life."

209. "Don't give me that look. No... NO! I said no puppy dog eyes! You know I can't resist them! Argh, fine!"

210. "I missed you and your bad puns and even your horrible cooking and the way you fit perfectly against my body when we cuddle. I just really missed you."

211. "We're a team, remember?"

212. "There's no place I'd rather be than by your side."

213. "Your smile brightens the whole room."

214. "I kinda adopted a puppy behind your back... don't be mad! Look at those cute fluffy paws!"

215. "You're burning up. Guess I need to activate my nurse mode."

216. "I love you. As in more than friends, more than best friends and more than super extra best friends."

217. "I love you just the way you are."

218. "We need to kick his ass, no questions asked. You in?"

219. "Hot chocolate and cuddles? Kisses?"

220. "You make me feel pretty."

221. "You'll always be my best girl."

222. "Never hide yourself from me."

223. "Babe! There's no toilet paper!"

224. "I'll never give up on you."

225. "Do you feel that shirt? That's boyfriend material."

226. "That prank went so wrong."

227. "Care to dance, my love?"

228. "AH! You're stuck with me!"

229. "You're too good to me."

230. "Is it that time of the month?"

231. "Can I braid your hair?"

232. "It's okay to have doubts, as long as you don't let them overwhelm you."

233. "Come here! I can't stand to be so far away from you!"

234. "I got you."

235. "I wanna fall asleep next to you every night and wake up every morning with you by my side."

236. "Stop, I need to finish this!"

237. "I just wanna binge watch The Office, but it's not the same without you."

238. "Because I care about you!"

239. "I just wanted to impress you."

240. "I love you even though your breath stinks right now."

241. "Did you just puke on me?"

242. "We should get drunk and do stupid things."

243. "I always know what you're thinking about, babe. You're like an open book!"

244. "Could you sing to me?"

245. "I, uh, could you... could you play with my hair, please?"

246. "Nooooo, don't leave! I'm cold!"

247. "I think you're suffering from a lack of vitamin me."

248. "A mistletoe? Really?"

249. "Will you join me, love?"

250. "I have feelings for you."

251. "You are the reason."

252. "Take my hand, I wanna show you something..."

253. "You have a lovely name."

254. "You're my everything."

255. "You do know a lot about my blushing schedule."

@voilawind​

[thevibraniumveterans]

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

Are you sure about that, Loki? Are you extra, extra sure about that?

Because you:

1. Joined a task force to look for Sylvie (even though you didn’t know her then) and entered the same tent she had just disappeared from mere seconds before;

2. Thought that she was you (which later she would disagree with and say “if anything, you’re me” but anyway) and therefore pretty darn easy to locate;

3. Wouldn’t at first accept the fact that she was superior to you (well, y’all are equals, and maybe she’s better than you, but we’ll get to that later);

4. Theorized with your new friend Mobius that she was hiding in apocalypses by stealing his salad and then proceeding to absolutely destroy it doing so;

5. Visited freakin’ POMPEII to prove said theory and then actually proved your theory correct;

6. Used a candy from the future as a clue to find out where she might’ve taken her next steps, and cross referenced it with the many apocalypses she might’ve been in;

7. Actually found an apocalypse that she ends up being in (Alabama 2050);

8. Went to said apocalypse to look for her (you seem pretty invested in looking for her at this point);

9. Found her first enchantment victim who then passed the enchantment onto her second victim (B-15, looking at you), whom you still thought was you;

10. Found her third enchantment victim who told you not to call her a Loki (which she’ll do again, don’t worry);

11. Acknowledged through her fourth enchantment victim that she was different than you for the first time (“I would never treat me like this,” you said);

12. Followed her through a Time Door back to the TVA after meeting her for the first time;

13. Somehow allowed her to get the best of you even though you probably didn’t mean for that to happen;

14. Grabbed her stolen TemPad and landed the both of y’all in yet another apocalypse, the worst one yet actually, one that she’s probably been to before;

15. Tried to shield her from a falling meteor, to which she said she didn’t need your help (I mean, did you have a reason to save her then?);

16. Called her weird (I mean, that’s funny as hell, I gotta give you that);

17. Opened a door for her and let her enter the mining shack first before you did;

18. Literally let down your guard around her (yes, you’re tired from all that running, but still);

19. Somehow didn’t even stop her from putting both her hands on your neck in an attempt to enchant you (it looked romantic as hell, dude, and how were you not even opposed to her doing that, given both of y’all’s antagonism toward each other?);

20. Told her mockingly “In my heart” when she asked you where you hid her stolen TemPad (I mean, you could have said literally anything else but you went for “in my heart”, okay, I see where this is going);

21. Kind of agreed with her when she said you needed her to get out of Lamentis, “you need me” being the key phrase;

22. Asked her where she was going, and followed her;

23. Acknowledged that she’s not a Loki (yay!), or at least the fact that she doesn’t want to be referred to as one;

24. Followed her into an abandoned mining town where you thought you could fool a resident who chose to stay (you couldn’t);

25. Let her get away with teasing you about your failed efforts;

26. Playfully grabbed her by the shoulders from behind as you used your magic to conjure up a guard’s outfit for yourself (which you looked absolutely hilarious in, by the way, that helmet did not help one bit);

27. Sat down with her at a booth on the train, just the two of you (I’m not calling this anything else other than a date, at this point, to be honest);

28. Told her a wistful story about your mother and how she taught you magic and how she believed in you;

29. Showed her a miniature version of the fireworks you said your mother once conjured up for you, in an attempt to make her happy (I mean, those are beautiful fireworks, and she likes them too!);

30. Playfully conjured up a feather and quill to tease her about saying “Love is hate” (she finds you funny, she just doesn’t want to admit it);

31. Asked her whether she’s got anyone waiting for her when her mission’s complete (well, she did give a sarcastic answer but that’s not my point);

32. Admitted to her that you courted both princes and princesses in the past as part and parcel of being royalty;

33. Disagreed on love being mischief (what does that even mean?!) and then told her that you might need a bit more of champagne to really get that line of thought going;

34. Sang (I’m sorry, serenaded is a better word) her a song about a fair maiden waiting for her beloved to return home (you’ll find out how prophetic that would be in due time, don’t worry);

35. Decided that a dagger was your best metaphor for love (what, does being inebriated make you better at metaphors now?)

36. Let her get mad at you for getting drunk on the train (tbh, that’s kinda your fault, but there was literally nothing else to do, so) and breaking her TemPad (honestly, how do you even break a TemPad when it’s hidden in one of your magic pockets?! How?!);

37. Asked her if she felt better after that frustration-fueled scream (I mean, that’s kinda the first time you’re looking out for her, because that’s about to get real routine);

38. Went along with her after she sarcastically suggested that y’all both should try to get the Ark off the moon, fully knowing the impossibility of doing so;

39. Bantered teasingly with her about enchantment;

40. Believed her on a dime’s drop when she said that everyone who worked that the TVA were Variants, just like the two of you;

41. Let her grab your hand before the both of you ran around the back of the Ark’s docking station in order to find another boarding point;

42. Asked her if she was okay after the both of you got knocked back by an explosion (aww, you do care for her, how sweet!);

43. Finally called her by her name just before the Ark exploded;

44. Apologized to her for ruining her mission and dooming the both of y’all to die on an exploding moon;

45. Sat and listened to her explain her motives for her mission, before telling her that though people like the both of you may lose in sometimes painful ways, y’all always survive one way or another;

46. Freakin’ COMPLIMENTED her (that’s a first), and while the both of you sat waiting for the explosion to wipe the both of you off the map, you took her hand for the first time after she put her hand on your forearm (lovely, by the way);

47. Looked longingly and sadly at her when the both of y’all were hauled back to the TVA for interrogation and then subsequently separated;

48. Denied, when interrogated (is questioned a better word?) by Mobius, that you and her are partners (ha, you’ll soon be, in more ways than one, if you weren’t already), with a look on your face that absolutely betrays your true feelings for her;

49. Couldn’t even sell your lie about meeting her to Mobius that he had to lie right back to you;

50. Thought she was dead and felt so worried for her (you should’ve seen your face!);

51. Asked if she was alive and then SIGHED IN RELIEF when you were assured that she’s still alive (oh, have you got it bad for her, and you know it);

52. Denied that she’s your girlfriend the first time Mobius teases you with that word;

53. Spilled your emotions and your feelings for her on the table when you told Mobius about how much you believe her about everyone at the TVA being Variants;

54. Didn’t even deny it the second time he called her your girlfriend;

55. When asked by Mobius if you cared about Sylvie, you didn’t know if “care” was the right word;

56. Straight-up told him, “I believe her” with such emotional conviction it’s hard to see it as anything else;

57. Nodded your head at her when the both of y’all were reunited at the very same elevators you met in front of (how poetic) and she asked you if you’re okay;

58. Literally had her back when the both of y’all fought the guards in the Timekeepers’ chambers;

59. Got distracted when she got knocked down to the floor by Judge Renslayer;

60. Were on the brink of telling her how you feel about her, telling her that revealing your emotions was kind of a new experience;

61. Decided the best option was to place your hands just by her shoulders for whatever reason;

62. Let go of her so that she wasn’t pruned like you were;

63. Admitted in a roundabout way in just three words that she was your glorious purpose (priorities shifted, eh?)

64. Proudly proclaimed that her being terrifying was the very thing that made her so brilliant;

65. Literally puffed out your chest when you said, “she needs me” (she will, much later, don’t worry);

66. Revealed that she’s the only one you do trust (oh, the way your voice just softens when you speak about her…);

67. Planned an unwise sneak attack (that would’ve involved stabbing a cloud, I mean…) on freakin’ ALIOTH because you believed that doing so would bring you back to her when you really had no idea whether it would or would not;

68. Ran down the hill you were on to reunite with her (classic reunion move, pity you didn’t complete it by hugging her, but I guess you’re not there yet) when she arrived by car and asked her if she’s okay (looks like it’s becoming a habit);

69. Hilariously tried to unsuccessfully argue, through telling her that you’ve been in the Void longer than she has (maybe for like, an hour or two? IDK) that stabbing a cloud with a dagger was your best line of defense;

70. Sat next to her and had a conversation with her, during which you…;

71. Said it was cold (whether it was or wasn’t, isn’t important), so you…;

72. Conjured up a blanket for yourself before asking if she wanted one as well and proceeded to deny that your budding romantic connection with her was the both of y’all’s nexus event;

73. Followed that up with revealing that your nexus event with her felt great, it was a nice moment (aww);

74. Proceed to deny it as another TVA lie (you really need to work on talking about your feelings!);

75. Reassured her that you don’t know what the both of y’all are doing with regards to this relationship you both have with each other;

76. Playfully wrapped part of your blanket around her shoulders (double aww, that’s the classic “I’m gonna fake yawn and drop my arm around her shoulders, y’all think she’ll notice” kind of move, and yes, she did, and she likes it) and smiled giddily like the lovesick puppy you are;

77. Acknowledged in a roundabout (and maybe not so subtle) way that she loves you;

78. Pledged to not betray her, to not let her down, because you’re not that kind of person anymore;

79. Adorably nudged her when you asked her what her plans were when all was said and done;

80. Suggested that the both of y’all could figure things out… “together”, you said (triple aww!);

81. Handed the TemPad she gave you to Mobius and told her, “You go, I go” (I mean…);

82. Let her take your hand before you went to attempt to enchant ALIOTH;

83. Interlocked both of y’all’s fingers while y’all were at it;

84. Walked hand in hand to the Citadel at the End of Time;

85. Asked her if everything’s okay after she becomes nervous before entering the Citadel;

86. Got really unimpressed when that creepy ghost clock offered the both of you a chance to rule the TVA together;

87. Stated that “We write our own destiny now”, cementing the fact that you and her are an item;

88. Warned her to not listen to He Who Remains;

89. Tried to stop her by warning her about the possible consequences of her actions;

90. Suggested that the best plan of action was to take a minute to think of whether allowing a multiversal war was better than the alternative both of y’all never wanted (unfortunate as it was to be a damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t situation);

91. Got upset when she told you she felt like you betrayed her (don’t worry, you didn’t);

92. Clashed blades with her even though you clearly didn’t want to;

93. Told her “No” when she suggested that you kill her and take a throne you never wanted;

94. Let her blade fall to your neck to get her to stop and consider;

95. Said to her that this feeling of revenge, bloodlust isn’t worth it because you’d once been in her shoes;

96. Told her that you didn’t want to hurt her (after acknowledging that she’s been hurt by the TVA for a lifetime) and that all you wanted was for her to be okay;

97. Shared a kiss with her.

98. Deepened that kiss (you know you did…);

99. Grieved the misfortune of not just losing her but also the outcome of recent events, knowing that what she had to do was her life’s mission that you’d previously supported her on;

100. Went up to a changed Mobius and told him by referring to her, “We made a terrible mistake. We freed the Timeline. We found him beyond the storm.”

And if that doesn’t say “she’s become my girlfriend and I’m damn proud of her”, I don’t know what does.

-

Go get her, Loki. Go get Sylvie back. We’re betting on it.

[anxious-little-faicye]

CAMP UNUS ANNUS SAFETY RULES!

Rule #1 - Always remember the BS (Buddy System).

Rule #2 - When confronted by a bear (depending on the type of bear), confront it back and make lots of noises. But keep in mind, only do that for Black Bears.

Rule #3 - Bears can't get through the polyurethane of a tent. Plastic repels nature, since it's not of this world.

Rule #4 - The forest doesn't give a damn about you. Arrogance will get you nowhere.

Rule #5 - If you're stuck in a tree alone and two people happen to come across you, they are buddies. Don't just assume because another human life is nearby that they're obligated to help you.

Rule #6 - You help those in need though.

Rule #7 - Communication is key.

Rule #8 - Look, scan, observe, react, run.

How to survive a bear attack:

Rule #9 / Step Number 1 - Evaluate, determine which type of bear it is that it's attacking you.

Rule #10 - If the bear grunts twice it's a Grizzly, if it grunts three times then it's a Polar Bear.

Rule #11 - When dealing with Polar Bears, the biggest thing you want to do is make sure that you're covered head to doe, with as much armor as possible (sleeping bags work just fine).

Rule #12 / Step Number 2 - Try to maintain silence, maybe it'll go away on it's own.

Rule #13 / Step Number 3 - If step 2 fails, abandon all coverage plans, because clearly it's not going to work. However, you don't need to worry, because your tent is safe as long as the bear doesn't claim it as it's own by attracting other bears as competition.

Rule #14 - It is very important that when you go shopping for your tent (or you're finding your tent), you get one that's strong, triple layer made of the highest quality material.

Rule #15 - If the bear attacks with a gun, make sure you cover all of the important parts of your body. The smaller the target the harder it is for a bear to get you.

Rule #16 / Step Number 4 - This is an emergency step, you would never do this unless you were in a extremely dangerous situation... just run. With the help of your buddy (don't forget the buddy system!) you will roll the tent from the inside away from the bear.

Rule #17 - It's important to remember where your tent was when you pitched it.

Rule #18 - At this point the bear should be very intimidated by your skill and athleticism. It may think you and your buddy are now one large creature.

Rule #??? - RAGE, rage against the dying of the light...

Rule #19 - After all that escaping protocol, the bear should be gone by now. But in the case that it's not, just keep going rolling away in the tent.

Rule #20 - Bears are afraid of the sunlight, they can't handle it's intense heat.

Rule #21 / Step Number 5 - And finally, to escape the tent, you have to find it's weakest point and destroy it.

Rule #22 - Nature it's a dangerous place filled with evil, horrible monstrosities that are beautiful in their own way.

How to safely bury your friend:

Rule #23 - Carcasses can attract bears and other wildlife that are opportunistic scavenges.

Rule #24 - For this process you're going to need a shovel and a buddy.

Rule #25 - Don't forget the Buddy System (B.S) or you will DIE.

Rule #26 - The first thing you're going to do is search the area for a proper place for a burial. You want a place with some soft dirt, plenty of open space, and not too near to the campsite.

Rule #27 - Dig six feet down (at the least), so you can put their feet first, then head at the top.

Rule #28 - Your dead body will grow into the environment.

Author's Note: ... I don't trust counselors Mark and Ethan.

Rule #29 - B.D.S.B (Bearing Doesn't Stop Bears)

Rule #30 - You are also going to need a quality shovel that can break through. You want a sharpen blade and a good foot rest.

Rule #31 - Do not, under ANY circumstances, mention the Tactical Shovel to counselor Mark.

Rule #32 - When you're digging a grave you should bring water, remember to stay hydrated!

Rule #33 - You can only absorbe so much sweat you produce. After a while it gets unhealthy, because your body can't filter out the bad water that you produce.

Rule #34 - You piss out of your skin when you can't piss out of anywhere else. So if you drink that, but then you piss it out again, then it becomes Super Piss (and that's not good to consume). But if you drink that then it turns into Ultra Piss, which is very valuable but bad to ingest. It's also incredible dangerous because, while bees can smell fear, they can also see the vapors from the Ultra Piss. So, although rare and easy to sell to a high price, it would attract thousands of bees.

Rule #35 - B.E.C.W.U.B (Be Extra Careful With [the] Ultra B[P]iss)

Rule #36 - The forest is one of the most polluted places, you can't get a breath of fresh air.

Rule #37 - Your buddy is always a breath of fresh air. (Hey, please don't do what Mark and Ethan did on the video, COVID-19 is still a very, very real thing.)

Rule #38 - Once you are done digging the grave, lay the body on a fetal position. Remember to really support the spine.

Rule #39 - If you can, get a standing grave, it's great for the spine.

Rule #40 - You can feel more productive when you are standing.

Author's Note: ... I really, REALLY don't trust counselors Mark and Ethan. I knew that bacon tasted kinda odd-

Rule #41 - Now all that's left to do is lay your friend to rest.

Rule #42 - Now you can go ahead and say words of rememberness, a testament to their life.

Rule #43 - The truth is the nicest gift you can give anybody.

Rule #44 - If you listen closely when your friend is later rest, you can hear their soul whisper their final thoughts.

Rule #45 - Remember to hit counselor Mark with a stick for waking us up at 6 am using a pan.

Rule #46 - Team building is the most important part of being on a camp. Because you may have your buddy, but we are all a team.

Rule #47 - Trust is the very foundation of any team.

Rule #48 - At any moment your buddy can need you. You'll never know when a bear is going to strike, when a chipmunk is going to go rabid, when a raccoon is going to be sneaky. You've got to be prepared for anything. And above all, you need to be prepared to catch your buddy if they fall.

Rule #49 - When you're in the nature, you are going to be climbing on a lot of things. They may be slippery surfaces, you may be not sure of your footing. You've got to be prepared at any time to catch your buddy.

Rule #50 - The higher the fall the greater the trust. Anyone from your team could be falling at any moment, make sure to catch them.

Rule #51 - Trust counselors Mark and Ethan...?

Rule #52 - Your buddy can fall in any direction, you've got to be ready.

Rule #53 - With a trust fall you've got to trust your buddy, but you gotta trust yourself too.

Rule #54 - No better way to exhibit a team than to show your strength together (by making a human pyramid).

Rule #55 - Tug of War, classic team building from earliest man. Get a rope and you pull, but you've got to make two teams so you can compete and defeat their respective enemy (and they need to die).

Rule #56 - Don't forget, it's hot outside, so make sure you wear your sunscreen and drink plenty of water.

Rule #57 - Start in the middle (the knot needs to be in the middle), and whoever gets it to the point where the winner is obvious.... well, wins precisely.

Author's Note: UNUS! UNUS! UNUS! UN- oh, nevermind.

Rule #58 - The next most important part of team-building is sharing. Sharing with eachother is basically bonding. You learn from eachother, you have openness with eachother, and so on.

Rule #59 - The clue to win Three Legged Pace is coordination.

Rule #60 - It's always important when you go out outside to be prepared, and of course, bring water.

Rule #61 - Make sure to keep cool when you're in the wilderness, it is important for survival. And when you're done drinking water, you can play a little football with your friend using the leftover bottle.

Rule #62 - While playing Three Legged Egg Balance, remember to keep a steady "one-two" rhythm.

Rule #63 - FIRE IS NO JOKE. Don't play around with it.

Rule #64 - Knowing how to built a fire is one of the most important skills at Camp Unus Annus. With it you can cook your food, disinfect your water, clean your clothes, stay warm and call grandma.

Rule #65 - And if your grandparents are death, stare deeply into the fire until you see their face swim out of the flames.

Rule #66 - Fire is spelled F-I-R-T. Sorry, I don't make the rules.

Author's Note: Wait a second, are they not Camp Counselors?-

How to built a fire:

Rule #67 / Step Number 1 - Be aware of the current threat level for forest fires. Right now it's midnight. That's B, for Be aware.

Rule #68 / Step Number 2 - Kindling. Be aware, get kindling, find perfect stick (B.A.G.K.F.P.S)

Rule #69 (nice) - Remember, if you want to start a fire get your bag of piss.

Rule #70 / Last Step - Friction. The friction of the stick (zooming around in circles) against the friction of a wooden piece creates smoke signals. The smoke signals will travel to your candling and say "Hey, catch on fire." And in response it will sometimes go "Okay" in an umberwear farm. The umbers are what leads to the fire in an it case of a FIRE. Very important.

Rule #71 - Always have a fire extinguisher (preferably water) just in case something goes wrong.

Rule #72 - Put your prefect stick on your wood base and start rubbing said stick against it.

Rule #73 - Gently blow the base after rubbing the stick, fire needs oxygen to grow.

Rule #74 - If you manage to make a hole through the base, leave the stick there and start spinning it. With the power of insertion, if you get it going fast enough, flames should ignite.

Rule #75 - Fire needs to be seduced.

Rule #76 - To produce the flames you need to sin.

Rule #77 - Satan knows.

Rule #78 - For the love of God, keep counselor Mark away from sharp objects.

Author's Note: ... Does anyone else see the weird man dressed in a black suit outside or it's just me...?

Rule #79 - No matter what goals you may have in life, a little bit of hard work, a little bit of determination, a bit of luck gets you anywhere.

Author's note: Yay escape room! I love those!

Rule #80 - Beware of counselor Evan throwing things at the tents.

Rule #81 - On daytime the bats are squirrels, but on nighttime they are vampires. For this reason you shouldn't be around bats, or they will suck your blood.

Rule #82 - Counselor Mark really loves riddles.

Rule #83 - Stay six feet away from the trees to avoid being attacked by a squirrel.

Rule #84 - The most dangerous things about the deers are their antlers and hooves.

Rule #85 - To survive the snakes you need to: Look, Observe, Scan, React, Run (L.O.S.R.R)

Author's Note: Counselor Ethan is fucking smart, fight me. Also, shout out to counselor Amy because not once have I mentioned her and she's amazing.

Rule #86 - Run away from Mark. JUST RUN.

Rule #87 - Tragically, counselor Mark has turned into the beast called Neanderthalensis Marconius, also known as HeeHoo.

Rule #88 - HeeHoo feeds himself with wild Takis, roaming around the woods butt naked and in solitude...

Rule #89 - If you wish to communicate with the HeeHoo, there are sounds he will react to: Unus Annus.

(And here it is, after nights of work I present to you the -not so official- Unus Annus Rule Manual! This has been a blast, I am so glad I could finally finish it. Camp Unus Annus was absolutely amazing in every sense of the word, thanks Mark, Ethan, Amy and Evan for the experience!)

@tiny-crecher (I am SO sorry-)

@markiplier @crankgameplays

[carmen-sandie-go]

100 Reasons Why You Should Stay Alive

1. Your friends, your family, and your pets would miss you.

2. It's not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you.

3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow.

4. There's so much you would miss out on doing.

5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there.

6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself.

7. You ARE worth it. Don't let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.

8. You are amazing.

9. A time will come, once you've battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won't regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better.

10. What about all the things you've always wanted to do? What about the things you've planned, but never got around to doing? You can't do them when you're dead.

11. I love you. Platonically. Even if only one person loves you, that's still a reason to stay alive.

12. You won't be able to listen to music if you die.

13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You'll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about.

14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me.

15. You're preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born.

16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died?

17. You're gorgeous, amazing, handsome, and to someone you are perfect.

18. Think about your favourite music artist, you'll never hear their voice again...

19. You'll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day.

20. Listening to incredibly loud music.

21. Being alive is just really good.

22. Not being alive is really bad. And boring.

23. Finding your soulmate.

24. Red pandas. Just… THEY ARE SO CUTE!!

25. Going to diners at three in the morning.

26. Really soft pillows. Or blankets.

27. Eating pizza in New York City.

28. Proving people wrong with your success. Take that!

29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life. Take that!

30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can.

31. Being able to help other people.

32. Bonfires.

33. Sitting on rooftops.

34. Seeing every single country in the world. And not being ignored. Because, y’know, if you were dead everyone would run into you… it would suck.

35. Going on road trips. Have fun doing that as a ghost, or whatever.

36. You might win the lottery someday, who knows! How would you enter while you’re dead?!

37. Listening to music in your own special place.

38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower, staring down at everyone with the wind in your hair.

39. Taking really cool pictures.

40. Literally meeting thousands of new people.

41. Hearing crazy stories.

42. Telling crazy stories.

43. Eating ice cream on a hot day with your best friends.

44. More interesting books or episodes could come out, you never know. It’s gonna be hard to get books or watch Netflix/Hulu/Etc while you’re dead.

45. Travelling to another planet someday. It’s gonna happen.

46. Having an underwater house.

47. Randomly running into your hero on the street

48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel.

49. Trampolines.

50. Think about your favourite movie, you'll never watch it again.

51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke.

52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it's for just one person or 20 or 100 or more.

53. People do care.

54. Treehouses, you won’t really be able to have a treehouse while dead.

55. Hanging out with your soulmate in a treehouse

55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees.

56. I love you. Platonically.

57. I care about you.

58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness!

59. You won't be here to experience the first cat world emperor. You won’t even be influenced by it. 60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU'LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS!

61. Starbucks. Or caribou coffee.

62. Hugs. The kind that makes you squeal because of how tight they are, the kind that you really love.

63. Stargazing with your favourite person in this universe at 4am because you can’t sleep, the grass brushing against your toes as you snuggle together.

64. You have a purpose, and it's up to you to find out what it is.

65. You've changed somebody's life.

66. Now you could change the world.

67. You will meet the person that's perfect for you. Maybe you already have.

68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you.

69. You can’t look at any more memes if you're dead.

70. If you end your life, you're stopping yourself from achieving great things.

71. Making snow angels.

72. Making snowmen.

73. Snowball fights.

74. Life is what you make of it.

75. Everybody has a talent.

76. Laughing until you cry, with your stomach screaming and your lungs flaring in heat. Rolling on the floor, grinning ear to ear.

77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy.

78. The world would not be the same if you didn't exist.

79. It’s possible to turn frowns upside down.

80. Be yourself, don't take anyone's crap, and never let them take you alive.

81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero.

82. Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

83. One day your smile will be real. It will, I promise you.

84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day.

85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds.

86. Laughing insanely hard with your best friends.

87. Eating weird food.

88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one.

89. Sleeping in all day.

90. Creating something you're proud of.

91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud that you didn't commit. And if you did, feeling regret that you did.

92. Being able to meet your Internet friends.

93. Coffee.

94. The new season of your favourite show.

95. Staying up late with your best friend.

96. Being stupid in public because you just can.

97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile?

98. Being able to hug that one person you haven’t seen in years

99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this.

100. But, the final and most important one is just being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn't seem so great right now, literally anything could happen.

I didn't come up with these but it don't make it less important. Just remember to smile at life, have a great day and be kind, love yourself : )

[scatterpatter]

Corren - 1 through 100 - You did this to yourself.

FUCK YOU *UN-IRONICS YOUR ASK*

UNDER THE FUCKING CUT

1. What do they smell like?

Bad. Do you think their party is able to regularly take showers? I thinketh the fuck not. ... Pine and old books when he can self care tho.

2. What is their voice like?

Listen I know Corren, being taller, would be more likely to have a deeper register but you'll tear "tenor Corren" out of my cold dead hands

3. What is their biggest motivator?

Spite.

4. What is their most embarrassing memory?

When he first met his BFF Alondra, he was so antisocial and good at ignoring people that she actually got the impression he might have been hard of hearing. She never let him live that down. (one day I'll finish this fic i promise)

5. How do they deal with/react to pain?

"I will keep all of my pain in here, and one day I'll die." ... Okay but listen he's squishy so he takes like one hit and is bloodied up. Someone get him a healer. Pls.

6. What do they like to wear?

He likes his cloak. Its weighty and soft(well. WAS soft. got a bit of wear and tear these days.) and like. Who doesnt love cloaks.

7. Which of their relationships have impacted them most positively?

Ohhhhh fuuuccck this one's tough. I might have to go with Torvid honestly. While the entire party has had a positive impact on him(and trust me I was this close to picking Alistair), Torvid's been more of the one to call him out on his bullshit and to, oh I don't know, talk about your emotions? Ever??? Yknow BEFORE they become too much to handle and he absolutely breaks down???

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten?

Alistair's cooking.

9. Describe the way that they sleep.

Good luck finding him NOT cuddled up with at least one dog. Tbh he just enjoys cuddles in general.

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food?

FUCKIN. GIVE HIM A GOOD STEAK. THIS BOY IS MOSTLY CARNIVORISTIC.

11. What do they feel most insecure about?

As tempted as I am to say "His cooking", it's actually his singing.

12. How do they like to dress?

"Comfort over flashiness tbh. I gotta go ADVENTURING in whatever I wear after all."

"... Also don't you DARE perceive me as cishet."

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt?

Call him a genie because he will BOTTLE THAT SHIT UP.

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal?

Denial :D

15. What is their greatest achievement?

Shrike: Killing his dad

Me: NOOOOOO

EDIT: WAIT THIS WAS ANSWERED IN Q99 WHAT THE HECK

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep?

Somehow more of a dick than usual. Snappy and cranky and just. Mrehhh.

17. What are they like when they’re drunk?

Doesn't get drunk often, but when he does I imagine he's actually giggly and a little clingy. It's cute :)

18. What kind of music do they enjoy?

*Opens my Corren playlist* Oh yeah. It's either full edgy alt rock or indie alt "depressed millenial" tracks.

19. Are they right or left handed?

FFFuuhhhhck uhhhh well

Looking over my old art I can't seem to pick a dominant hand(I've even drawn him handling his sniper with either hand???????????) so like oops guess he's ambidextrous.

20. Fears?

The dark, the ocean, dying alone and forgotten, his friends losing their trust of him

21. Favorite kind of weather?

Rain!!!! Especially cool rain like what people often get in fall months.

22. Favorite color?

Indigo!!!

23. Do they collect anything?

Books :3

24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more?

Cold weather by far.

25. What is their eye color?

Electric blue!

26. What is their race/ethnicity?

Well his race is a homebrew race known as Marelienth. Uhhh ethnicity? Idk he's from a mountain town way up north *shrugs*

In human aus I imagine him as half-Mongolian half-Norwegian so ayee

27. Hair color?

Black!

28. Are they happy where they are currently?

No :D He loves adventuring with his party don't get me wrong but he still has a lot of trauma to unpack. ... Also he was just possibly broken up with soooo. :/

29. Are they a morning person?

NOPE.

30. Sunrise or sunset?

*motions to above question* Sunset.

31. Are they more messy or more organized?

More organized, actually!

32. Pet peeves?

*unravels a list. It's all shit the party has done. Mostly Alistair.*

33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance?

HOOUSIDSJFK- HE- Y-YEAH HE SURE DOES

His amethyst pendant used to belong to his brother, Julian, and he gave it to Corren right before they were separated so you BET it's sentimental as shit and he wears it daily.

34. Least favorite food?

Mecha's usually a great cook but one time trolled him with some absurdly spicy curry he couldn't handle and he's never forgiven them.

35. Least favorite color?

Hmmm. Maybe... yellow?

36. Least favorite smell?

He spent a year with his party in a damp cave and no showers, so uh. I'll give you a guess.

37. When was the last time they cried?

Literally last night in our game's timeline :D Full breakdown and everything!

38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried?

Torvid :D He was there to comfort

39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured?

One time they were in combat and Corren took a few hits and was down to about 2hp or so. He had a temporary level thanks to Kieran, which boosted his HP a little bit. When he teleported them to a safe town, though, well... Torvid was waiting for them so that's cool. But uh. Yeah that temporary level wore off then and there, dropping Corn Cob to exactly 0hp and he just- flopped down face first in the snow and started dying then and there KJNDKLFNSLKN

40. Do they have any scars?

:)

Do you want to talk about the scar over his eye from a fight he got in with his dad or like. The scars on his limbs from the time he was literally experimented on.

41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues?

:)

Undiagnosed+Untreated Anxiety, Depression, DPDR, PTSD, just to name a few

42. Do they have any bad habits?

Running away from his problems, definitely.

43. Why might someone dislike them?

He's a pretentious nerd. He can be a dick if he doesn't care about you.

44. Why might someone love them?

He's an adorable nerd! He's a hopeless romantic and oddly enough an optimist. He's passionate and driven too!

45. Do they believe in ghosts?

Well ghosts are like- a canon proven thing in his world sooo. Yeah.

46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives?

His party. Well- most in his party.

47. Are they romantically interested in anyone?

Nethyl :)

48. Are they dating/married to anyone?

He's dating Nethyl and they're in a happy and healthy relationship :) *politely ignores canon*

49. Do they like surprises?

NO >:(

50. When is their birthday?

Heroya 5th! I think. I don't wanna check, assume it's this.

51. How do they usually celebrate their birthday?

"You guys celebrate your watchdays?"

Jokes aside, he mainly just treats himself to a nice dinner and a new book or something :)

52. Do they have any family?

Two older siblings: Julian and Mila. His parents are Andreas and Fanya!

53. Are they close to their family?

... *Coughs*. He was close with his siblings, but Mila died and he hasn't seen Julian in 30 years. Was close with his dad but last time they saw each other, they fought and Corren might have killed him so. ... Yeah. :/

54. What is their MBTI type?

FUCK uh. I... N... T... J? INTJ. Sure.

55. What is their zodiac sign?

In Sekrezia: The eagle

In our world: Uhhh. Idk. Capricorn????

56. What Hogwarts House would they be in?

Uhhh. Ravenclaw??? I know almost nothing about HP :/

57. What D&D alignment are they?

THIS ONE'S EASY- lawful neutral!

58. Do they ever have nightmares? If so, what about?

:)

Used to have typical nightmares, nothing special. Nowadays though he often dreams of being underwater. Not drowning, though. It's... weird. He doesn't like those.

59. What are their views on death?

He's a necromancer lol.

Death is inevitable, though. It's a necessary part of life. Death is not an entire loss, though. One lives on in the memories others carry of them, in the love they hold in their hearts. Death is complicated, but that's okay.

60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at?

Alistair :)

61. When bored, how do they pass time?

Dog time :)

62. Do they enjoy being outside?

... Ehhhhhh?

63. Do they have an accent?

Technically??? It's an accent from where he's from but like. I just barely tweak my own voice when I rp him so? Damn Corren I'm sorry you've been cursed with east coast dialect.

64. Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, what is their first reaction?

"Damn who's the rich bastard here?" (cake is kinda a delicacy in their world- not like elites only but not NEARLY as common as it is here)

65. If they knew they were going to die, what would they do/say?

Reassurance mode to whomever he's with. "Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm okay. Remember what I told you, death is a natural part of life, yeah? I don't have any regrets, I'm okay... Just. Thanks. For giving me a chance. Thank you. Thank you."

66. How do they feel about sex?

I SWEAR he's allosexual. I'm just bad at writing allosexuals.

67. What is their sexuality?

He doesn't really know how to pin it down, so he just calls himself "queer". Definitely not straight, that's all he knows.

68. Do they become squeamish at the sight of blood?

AHAHA no. He's hella desensitized

69. Is there anything that they find really gross?

Skulking cyst. Look it up at your own volition. It's. NO.

70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them?

It's 12:21 in the morning and I'm NOT about to scroll through a bunch of tv tropes just. just. NERD stereotype.

71. Do they enjoy helping people?

Yyyyes? Only really if it's the people he cares about.

72. Are they allergic to anything?

Bullshit.

73. Do they have a pet?

WINGTHARA!! HIS SKELE-DOG!!!

74. Are they quick to anger? What are they like when they loose their temper?

Oh yeah he's all bark and no bite. He usually just throws a little fit and/or yells.

75. How patient are they?

More than he should be :/

76. Are they good at cooking?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

77. Favorite insult? Do they insult people often?

Oh yes he insults the others all the time. No particular favorite, he likes so spice it up.

78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy?

Stim. Stim. Stim. His eyes get all sparkly and he. He.

79. What do they do when they learn about other people’s fears?

He will do everything in his power to assure they won't ever have to deal with their fears alone- You afraid of spiders? It's his job to get the spiders from now on so you won't have to deal with them.

80. Are they trustworthy?

Oh yeah. He's like Rapunzel- doesn't break promises.

81. Do they try to hide their emotions? Are they good at it?

Oh yes he tries to hide it. And yes, he's awful at it.

82. Do they exercise regularly?

Yes and no? No like- exercise regimen, but the amount of travelling and fighting they do is just- a workout in and of itself

83. Are they comfortable with the way they look?

Yeah! He's cute and he knows it baybie!!!

84. What are some physical features that they find attractive on people?

He,,, he likes someone who's physically stong,,, Muscles are,,, aaaaa >///>

85. What kind of personalities do they find attractive?

Someone he can nerd out with :)

86. Do they like sweet foods?

Impartial to it. He won't turn sweets away but he's not crazy about them either.

87. What is their age?

43, the equivalent of- I think someone in their mid 30s?

88. Are they tall or short or somewhere in between?

He's 6'8" :) Which is actually normal for his race

89. Do they wear glasses or contacts?

Sometimes! I like to think he has reading glasses or something like that.

90. Do they consider themselves attractive?

HE'S CUTE AND HE KNOWS IT.

91. What is their sense of humor like?

Julian tainted his sense of humor and now he finds the most dumb shit hilarious. Think very millenial/GenZ humor like "I wish I was Jared, 19"

92. What mood are they most often in?

"I don't get paid enough for this" or Fear.jpg

93. What kinds of things anger them?

People who don't keep their FUCKING WORD. Oh and like. Yknow. Half the shit his party does.

94. Outlook on life?

Again he's??? Oddly an optimist? In the "Things will get better and that is a fucking THREAT" way, but still optimist!

95. What kind of things make them sad/depressed?

Talk about his family :) Or the fact that his boyfriend might want him dead :)

96. What is their greatest weakness?

He's squishy as fuck. He goes down easy.

97. What is their greatest strength?

He's extremely intelligent and great with magic and his sniper!

98. Something that they regret?

Not doing more to stop his brother when he tried to resurrect their sister

99. Biggest accomplishment?

Either convincing an entire town his name is Torren or accidentally convincing some very OP people that he's secretly a dragon.

100. Create your own!

FUCK YOU I SPENT LIKE 2 HOURS ON THIS. NO PROOFREAD. IVE ALREADY DESIGNED CORREN'S AND NETHYL'S HYPOTHETICAL KIDS. ANYWAYS THEY'RE TWIN IRINAGA AND I'VE NAMED THEM AFTER THE DNDADS TWINS: THEIR NAMES ARE LARK AND SPARROW.

[myhauntedsalem]

23 Parents Describe Their Kids’ Creepy Imaginary Friends

1. He doesn’t have a face

“My son from the age of three always tells me about the ‘creeper man’ who lives in my mom and dad’s bedroom. He brings it up after he visits them. I made the mistake once of asking what he looks like. My son said ‘Oh, he doesn’t have a face.’”

2. “You’ll get used to killing”

“A parent of one of my students told us in a meeting that she was concerned because her son (7 years old) talked about an invisible ghost who would talk to him and play with him in his room. He said the ghost was called The Captain and was an old white guy with a beard. The kid would tell his mom that The Captain told him when he grows up his job will be to kill people, and The Captain would tell him who needed to be killed. The kid would cry and say he doesn’t want to kill when he grows up, but The Captain tells him he doesn’t have a choice and he’ll get used to killing after a while.”

3. Little girl ghost

“When my daughter was three she had an imaginary friend named Kelly who lived in her closet. Kelly sat in a little rocking chair while she slept, played with her, etc. Typical imaginary friend shit. Anyway, fast forward two years later, the wife and I are watching the new Amityville Horror (the one with Ryan Renolds) and our daughter walks out right when the dead girl goes all black eyed. Far from being disturbed she said ‘That looks like Kelly.’ ‘Kelly who?’ we say. ‘You know the dead girl that lived in my closet.’”

4. Bad rabbit

“My cousin, when she was 5, and I was 17, had a stuffed rabbit that she talked to and carried everywhere. One day she was asleep on the couch while I was watching her, and she woke up and started yelling at her rabbit for no reason. One minute she was knocked out, the next, she’s awake, glaring at her rabbit, yelling, ‘No! You can’t do that! That’s bad! Don’t do it!’ I asked her what was wrong, tried to get her to stop, but she wouldn’t listen. I finally just took the rabbit up to her room, and when I came back down she was asleep on the couch again. Fuck whatever that rabbit was planning on doing.”

5. Roger won’t be around anymore…

“My little brother’s imaginary friend, Roger, lived under our coffee table. Roger had a wife and nine kids. Roger and his family lived peacefully alongside us for three years. One day, my little brother announced that Roger wouldn’t be around anymore, since he shot and killed him and his whole family. I don’t know if he remembers any of this, but his genuine lack of remorse was very disturbing.”

6. A boy in the tree

“My folks’ farm surrounds a cemetery, and my dad and my niece were walking down there. My niece (4) looks up and says, ‘What’s that boy doing up in that tree?’ There was no boy, but she insisted there was and could describe him.”

7. The bunny man

“When I was 16, I babysat twins who were in the third grade at the time. They always spoke of a man in an Easter Bunny costume, and they were terrified of him. One day I was babysitting, and one twin was in the shower. His brother and I were sitting downstairs watching television when all of the sudden, he said, ‘You need to go check on Matt.’ Seconds later, Matt yelled, ‘He’s in here!!! He’s in here!!!’ I ran upstairs, and I had to check every room before he would calm down. I’m not sure which part of the experience freaked me out the most.”

8. Poor Shaggy

When my mom was younger she had an imaginary friend named Shaggy. When she was finished with Shaggy, she ‘chopped him up and put him in the fridge.’”

9. “Smash Daddy’s head”

“When my brother was just learning how to talk he grabbed one of those small toy hammers and crawled onto the sofa where my dad was sleeping. He then leant in close and whispered one of his first sentences… ‘Smash daddy’s head’ right into his ear.”

10. Dark angels

When my brother was little he acted like he had angels talking to him every second. One day my mom overheard him say, ‘I can’t kill him! He’s my only dad!’”

11. “That’s the man”

“My daughter used to tell me about a man who came into her room every night and put the sign of the cross on her forehead. I thought it was just a dream. Then my mother-in-law sent over some family photos. My daughter looked right at the picture of my husband’s father (who has been dead for 16 years) and said ‘That’s the man who comes into my room at night!’ My husband later told me his father would always do the sign of the cross on his forehead when he was young.”

12. Message from beyond

“My wife and I overheard my two-year-old daughter on the baby monitor wake up on Saturday morning and say, ‘What? OK I’ll tell her.’ She then got up, came into our bedroom, and told my wife, ‘Mary says you’re doing a good job.’ Mary was her grandmother that she was extremely close to that passed away.”

13. I called him Spooky Guy

“As a kid, I said that my imaginary friend was a ghost. I called him Spooky Guy and said he died in the garage of the house on the hill behind ours. I even came up with his death. He was a 16 year old who got in a car crash and walked to that house to ask to use their phone (died in the 70’s). The person lived there grabbed him and sexually abused him there and killed him. He was my imaginary friend as far back as I can remember. This scared my mom so much that she tried to look up records to see if that happened and got me a therapist.”

14. Icy wants me to tell you it will be tonight

“In high school one of my best friends had a little sister who was five or six years old. One day we stopped by his place, completely high, because he needed to get his Magic cards. While waiting for him to come downstairs his sister came up to me and said, ‘Icy told me to ask you if you know when you’re going to die.’”

I laughed nervously: morbid question, right? But I knew all about Icy, her imaginary friend. I even helped her draw a picture of him once. So I played along and said, ‘No, of course not! No one knows that. Hopefully when I’m very old.’

The girl shook her head sadly and said, ‘No, Icy wants me to tell you it’ll be tonight.’ And with that, she just walked away.”

15. It is the punishment

“I was seventeen and babysitting a friend of the family’s six-year-old boy. He’d been in bed a couple of hours and I just peeked in to check on him. He wasn’t in the bed and when I opened the door, I saw he was standing in the corner, facing the wall. creepiest fucking thing ever. I asked him what he was doing and all he did was turn around, smile, and put his finger to his lips as if to say ‘shhh.’ I asked him again what he was doing and all he says is, ‘Leave us. It is the punishment.’”

16. Keep kicking

“My grandfather had a camp on Lake Dering in New Hampshire when I was a kid. One day when I was 6 or so, I fell off of the dock and into the water. I couldn’t swim. While under, I distinctly remember seeing a little girl down there who told me to look up towards the sun and just keep kicking and I’d be fine. I swam to the surface just in time for my grandfather to swoop me up and pull me back on the dock.”

17. Nope

“When my boy was 4, his imaginary friend would sit in the corner of the room when you switched off the lights and light the room with red glowing eyes.”

18. They were both dead

“Kid I used to babysit had imaginary friends. They were dead. One had no head. One was an old lady. They were both bloody. The one with no head had insides sticking out of his neck.

I didn’t ask him questions about them because fuck that.”

19. Tracy

“When my niece was about 4 she had an imaginary friend, which I don’t remember the name of. She would blame things she did on this imaginary friend but also talked about how this friend would watch Scooby Doo with her. One day I thought, ‘Why don’t I find out more about this friend?’ So I asked her to tell me about her friend. And she said, ‘She’s a she and she’s dead.’ And I said, ‘Does she have a job?’ And she said, ‘She does what my daddy does!’ Which is that her imaginary friend was a cop. So then I said, ‘Where is your imaginary friend a police woman at?’ And she said, ‘Right next I to where my daddy is a policeman.’ But then she said, ‘I met her when I was in my mummy’s belly. She touched it when I was inside.’

A few months before my niece was born my cousin Tracy had died. She was hit by a train. She loved watching Scooby Doo and had a ton of memorabilia. She was also a cop. She was a cop in the town that is right next to the one my brother-in-law is a cop in, my niece’s ‘daddy.’ My niece’s imaginary friend was my dead cousin. There is no other way she could have known all that at the age of 4.”

20. “That’s why I don’t like water now”

“When my kid was 4, we were watching a documentary on the Titanic. The scene was a picture of the schematics of the boiler room and the camera panned from left to right over the plans. He pointed at the TV and said, ‘That’s wrong. The boilers were on the other side. And I was right here.’ And he pointed to a small space in the boiler room. ‘That’s where I was. And that’s why I don’t like water now.’”

21. Emily

“When my sister was probably about 6 or 7, she had an imaginary friend named Emily. She told us Emily lived in her closet, wore an old black dress, and had long dark hair and she was the same age as my sister. My sister played with Emily constantly. My parents started noticing my sister acting weird. Just sitting in the middle of her room whispering to Emily quite a bit and acting a lot more distant towards them. I remember a very specific day, my brother was walking by her room and my sister was sitting in the middle of her room….but she turned around and hissed at him. He was scared shitless. He told me it didn’t even look like my sister. My parents ran up to her room and I could hear my sister just screaming and screaming.”

“I have no idea what happened in that room but I ran to the bottom of my stairs and the screaming stopped, I saw my parents holding my sister crying their eyes out, she was sobbing as well. I’ve asked her about it today. She’s 24 now. She told me that Emily used to tell her to do horrible things to herself. She actually used to wake up on the roof and not remember how she got there. I’m not kidding. Apparently Emily absolutely hated my parents so she turned my sister against them. She hates talking about it so I never brought up that specific night. This all happened at my old house. When we moved into a different house, Emily was gone. I’m not making any of this up. My sisters little friend was a really big deal to my family and messed things up for a long time. I’m just relieved we left that house.”

22. She floated above his bed at night

“When my younger brother was around 4, he had an imaginary friend named Victoria Meadowbrooke. He told us that she was the prettiest girl ever and she floated above his bed a night.”

23. “The Evil is coming”

“When my older daughter was two or three, she used to have a couple of imaginary friends, Dodo and DeeDee. They were typical imaginary friends. She would talk to them and play with them, and tell me about their lives.

Then one day, when she was about three, she was talking on her play phone when I walked into the room. She hung up her phone and said to me (with a completely flat voice and deadpan expression): ‘The Evil is coming.’”

[latveriansnailmail]

Favorite Movies as of 2021

Subject to updating because surely I’ve missed a few. This is not supposed to be a list of meritorious films but rather just a list of movies I genuinely enjoy. It runs from Shakespeare to Bill & Ted with heavy doses of 80s fantasy, superhero schlock, and pretty much anything with Kurt Russell in it. Enjoy.

1- Harvey No contest, my favorite of all time.

2- Big Trouble in Little China It’s always a great joy to introduce a new viewer to this film.

3- Flash Gordon (1980) In which they totally lean into the camp and low budget.

4- The Thing I watch this annually upon the first major snowfall.

5- Titus (Taymor) One winter break Titus would be on one of the movie channels each day when I woke up, so I watched it daily for a month and it didn’t get old.

6- Death to Smoochy “Are you alright?” “I’m a little fucked up in general so it’s hard to gauge.”

7- Blade Runner (The Final Cut) So there’s this dude Deckard and he hunts robots but it turns out HE’S a robot, oh so very clever, little film

8- Tombstone I recently learned that Kurt Russell directed this film in all but name.

9- The Dark Crystal Immersive fantasy, though I’m sure it appears plain, drab, and simple now after the Netflix prequel.

10- Somewhere in Time I’m a romantic, I guess. Thus all the John Carpenter movies.

11- Grosse Pointe Blank So good, I used to think I liked John Cusack.

12- The Producers (musical) You heard me. Wilder and Mostel were great but the musical version had decades to mill over and expand the premise.

13- To Be or Not To Be (Brooks) Surprisingly suspenseful.

14- The 13th Warrior Saw it again recently and it holds up. Horror, only it happens to viking warriors who would rather chop the horror down than run.

15- The Mighty Thor I mean, Black Panther is objectively the best of the lot but subjectively this is my personal favorite superhero flick. I must have seen it a half a dozen times at least.

16- Lost Boys A billion Chinese can’t be wrong.

17- Die Hard A Christmas tradition. As a postman, it’s cathartic for me to watch Christmas get blown up a little before all the hugging and sentiment.

18- The Blues Brothers Deadpan hilarity cut with performances by legends of blues and soul.

19- The Sting The best heist film. It keeps you guessing until the very end and no twist feels arbitrary or leaves a hole.

20- Interview with the Vampire Fun fact, I looked like Pitt’s Louis when I was a young man in the goth scene.

21- Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure “Be excellent to each other!” “Party on, dudes!” *air guitar*

22- The Seventh Seal See? This list has its high points.

23- Revolutionary Girl Utena Note: Read the entire manga, watch the entire anime series, and read Adolescence of Utena BEFORE watching this or you’ll be left confused. Dazzled but confused.

24- The Nightmare Before Christmas So good I got the tarot deck.

25- The Last Unicorn It’s still a damn shame they never made that live action remake. Christopher Lee was set to reprise King Haggard.

26- Chasing Amy Honestly changed my life.

27- Excalibur It’s weird though how they’re always in armor. Wedding? Armor. Dinner? Armor. Deathbed? Armor.

28- Ginger Snaps A cut above any other werewolf movie I’ve seen.

29- Top Secret! My sense of humor distilled.

30- Clash of the Titans (Harryhousen) Yeah it’s dry but then there’s the monsters.

31- Monty Python’s the Meaning of Life People are not wearing enough hats.

32- Shadow of the Vampire Nosferatu nearly made this list but it’s hard to pinpoint a definitive cut. Try instead this film about the making of Nosferatu with an actual vampire as the vampire.

33- Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust Look, we as a culture had the unfortunate experience of Twilight. This is the same premise but actually good.

34- The Last Supper This film challenged and changed me as a young man more so than any other work of art.

35- The Princess Bride The perfect film, but I’ve seen it so much it’s down at 35 now.

36- Blazing Saddles What can I as a white guy say? Just watch the movie.

37- Streets of Fire Always suspicious to me how Final Fight premiered within a year of this movie.

38- Gremlins More Christmas havok. Yum?

39- The Beastmaster Forgotten and underappreciated.

40- Ladyhawke A thing of beauty.

41- Willow C’mon. It’s Willow. I have nothing to justify here.

42- Speed Racer I know you heard it’s bad but hear me out: it is the strongest narrative I’ve ever seen on film and it’s exactly the way you played with your toy cars when you were little.

43- Angelheart You’re supposed to know that de Niro is Lucifer. The rest is mystery and the final reveal set up a trope that’s been done into the ground nowadays.

44- The Hunger More atmosphere than plot, but hey, vampire Bowie!

45- Zoolander My partner’s favorite.

46- Faust (Murnau) You will be shocked to see what was possible to achieve in film in 1926.

47- A Muppet Christmas Carol but a cut that includes the fiance’s song This finishes out my traditional Christmas films.

48- Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein Y’know, I’ve got two Branagh films on here and neither are what you would expect given his catalog. The other one’s Thor for crying out loud.

49- Highlander I noticed in recent editions of Vampire: the Masquerade that it’s still possible in that game to hide a katana in a trenchcoat. This movie is why.

50- The Name of the Rose One of only a few instances where I prefer the film to the book. That book loooooong.

51- Robocop (1987) Of all the damn science fiction, why must we be in Robocop?

52- The Prophecy Now we’re getting into films I demoted since the last time I updated this list. This film’s a slow burn unless you get turned up for angels and Christopher Walken like I do.

53- The Warriors Would be higher if the opening wasn’t so slow.

54- Legend Tim Curry kills it as Darkness.

55- Black Panther Objectively the best superhero movie and the Academy backs me on that one.

56- Wonder Woman I do wish they’d trot out Vandal Savage as a Wonder Woman villain.

57- Captain America: The Winter Soldier Just rewatched this one earlier! It is heavily marked by the height of the War on Terror.

58- Blade The ancestor of all modern superhero movies and a solid vampire flick to boot.

59- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Nostalgic for me? Maybe, but I hold that this is the first comic film worth a damn because they stuck with the comics when they wrote it.

60- Captain America: the First Avenger This movie is a real test of character. If someone doesn’t like Cap it’s because they think goodness is unrealistic.

61- Four Rooms Really just rooms 3 and 4.

62- Reservoir Dogs Hey, two Tim Roth films in a row!

63- Event Horizon Do you see?

64- What Dreams May Come Kind of an emotional ringer, especially after William’s death.

65- Monty Python and the Holy Grail Have I watched it into the ground? Yes. Is it still hilarious? Yes, and it gets funnier the more you study Arthurian myth.

66- Pulp Fiction I’m kinda over this now.

67- The Crow People who liked the comic passionately disagree with me but I still like this one.

68- Akira Still.

69- Ghost in the Shell Still, though the farther you get from 13 the less titties you need in your art.

70- Beetlejuice Why not? Let's just tack this on there.

Honorable Mentions:

Fight Club A suburb film but one I grew out of, as should everyone. If you meet a man who’s passionate about Fight Club, run!

American Psycho Ditto. I grew out of this but it’s still excellent.

What’s Eating Gilbert Grape A horrible caricature of my brother’s life. I don’t get along with my brother any more.

Rocky Horror Picture Show Not actually a good film if you watch it straight with no commentary. Still, it’s a cornerstone of queer culture.

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2 Of all the superhero films, this is the one that resonated with me the most. I was in a weird place at the time. It still resonates with me now because I’m a foster dad.

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #27: Ushiwakamaru

(I know this isn’t one of Ushi’s normal cards, but this is the only picture of her that isn’t 70% naked so I’m doing what I have to.)

Welcome back to Fate and Phantasms! Today we’re building Skadi’s favorite commander, Ushiwakamaru. As you’d expect given her claim to fame is jumping really well, Ushi is mostly a monk, specifically a drunken master for just that little extra movement. She also has six noble phantasms though, and in order to encompass that many abilities in only 20 levels we have to turn to D&D’s perennial jack of all trades, the bard.

As usual, a spreadsheet for the build can be found here, and there’s a level-by-level breakdown below the cut!

Race and Background

You were raised by Tengu, but you’re still a Human, meaning you get +1 in all stats. You’re a soldier, but Dan-no-ura involves hopping over boats, so we’re going with the Marine background for its proficiency with water vehicles. You also get proficiencies in Athletics and Survival. Jumping around is usually more of a acrobatics check, but you’ll need sea legs too. Also: you were abandoned at birth, so learning how to live on your own is advisable.

Stats

Go for Dexterity first. Jumping is strength based, but every other aspect of this skill is your style. Second is Wisdom. You’re not really that good at reading the room, but you were raised by birds, and we need this to be kind of high for multiclassing. After that is Strength. Again, jumping is strength based, so we want this to be passable. Fourth is Charisma. Your people skills are actually pretty bad, but we also need this for multiclassing. Fifth is Constitution. You’re a lightweight with alcohol, but we really don’t want a negative modifier here. Finally, dump intelligence. You’re not dumb, but your other soft skills are tied up in multiclassing requirements, and with your social skills being what they are it wouldn’t feel right to make all your soft stats good.

Class Levels

1.Monk 1: When you choose monk at first level, you gain proficiency in Acrobatics (that whole jumping thing we’re focusing on), Religion(You were abandoned at a temple), and Dexterity and Strength saves. You also gain Unarmored Defense; which is perfect for you, since you’re not big on clothes, let alone armor; and Martial Arts, letting you use dexterity for unarmed and monk weapon attacks, use a d4 instead of other dice when making those attacks, and you can make an unarmed attack as a bonus action if you attack using your normal action.

2. Monk 2: At second level, you get Ki equal to your monk level, which can currently be used to make two unarmed attacks, dodge, or double your jump distance and disengage/dash as a bonus action. You also gain Unarmored Movement, giving you an extra 10 feet of movement per move action.

3. Monk 3: At third level, you set out on the path of the Drunken Master, which despite the name has very little to do with actually being drunk. Aside from the proficiency with Brewer’s Supplies. You also gain proficiency in Performance, which given your hard-line stance on pranking makes perfect sense. You also also develop your Drunken Technique, giving you a bonus disengage and 10′ when you use flurry of blows. Finally, you gain Deflect Missiles, letting you reduce the damage of ranged weapon attacks and possibly even send them back.

4. Monk 4: Use your first ASI to improve your Charisma and Wisdom. You also learn how to Slow Fall, reducing the amount of falling damage you take. This will be super useful if you, say, fall off a giant snake. Weird example, I know.

5. Monk 5: Fifth level monks get an Extra Attack, which is self-explanatory, but also a Stunning Strike. You can now spend a ki point to force a constitution saving throw when you hit somebody, and they’re stunned on a failure. Also, your martial arts die becomes a d6 this level. Look at you, moving up in the world of murder!

6. Monk 6: Sixth level drunken masters gain two features as part of their Tipsy Sway. You can Leap to your feet, using only 5′ of movement to stand up from prone, and you can Redirect Attacks that miss you using your reaction and 1 ki point. Also at this level, you get another 5 feet of movement.

7. Bard 1: Now lets switch over to your other class for a bit. Being a bard is a little out there, but your NP is literally based on stories of how awesome you are, so it’s not too wild. At first level, you get an extra proficiency in one skill of your choice. Pick up Deception for more elaborate pranks. Also at this level, you get your first taste of Bardic Inspiration, d6 you can hand out to allies to help on most d20 rolls, and Bard Spells. At first level you gain 2 cantrips and 4 1st level spells. Grab True Strike, Longstrider, and Feather Fall to enhance your physical abilities, Minor Illusion and Bane for some trickery, and Thunderwave for a less expansive version of you Hoemaru.

8. Bard 2: Second level bards become a Jack of All Trades, adding half their proficiency to checks that don’t use it (like initiative checks, nudge nudge). You also gain a Song of Rest, adding a d6 to the healing done by your party’s hit dice on short rests. For this level’s Spell, grab Earth Tremor. There isn’t really an explicitly in-character reason for this spell, but it’s more crowd control, so it technically falls under the domain of Jizaiten’s Eye.

9. Bard 3: When you hit your third level of barding, you’ll graduate from the college of swords. When this happens, you gain proficiency with Medium Armor and Scimitars, neither of which work with your monk levels. You also can use weapons you’re proficient with as spellcasting focuses, which is much more useful to you. You also get a Fighting Style, so grab Dueling for extra damage. You gain Expertise, doubling your proficiency in two skills(Deception and Acrobatics are good choices), and finally you get Blade Flourishes. By using your inspiration, you can add that roll to your damage and also either add the roll to your AC, deal that roll’s damage to another nearby creature as well, or push your target by 5′ + the roll and follow them with your reaction. Also, when you attack, you get an extra 10′ of movement for the turn. For your spell this level, grab the flexible Enhance Ability to hype yourself up.

10. Bard 4: Use your next ASI to improve your Charisma for better spells and more flourishes. You also get another cantrip and spell, so grab Thunderclap and Shatter for more sonic damage.

11. Bard 5: At fifth level, your inspiration dice increase to d8s, and you become a Font of Inspiration, regaining your dice on short rests instead of just long ones. For your spell, grab Fear. Again, no real reasoning for it, but it does make enemies run away, so it falls under Jizaiten’s Eye.

12. Bard 6: Sixth level bards get disappointed by Countercharm, letting you spend an action to give your allies advantage against being charmed or frightened. As a sword bard, you also get disappointed by an Extra Attack that doesn’t stack with the one you got at level 5. Grab Enemies Abound to turn any enemy position into a bad one by making them think their allies are their enemies.

13. Monk 7: Back as a monk, you gain Evasion, making your dexterity saves to avoid damage extremely powerful. You also gain a Stillness of Mind, letting you spend an action to end one effect making you charmed or frightened.

14. Monk 8: Eighth level monks get another ASI, but use this one to become a Martial Adept. This feat gives you 1d6 as a superiority die, and two maneuvers. Grab Maneuvering Attack to move allies into better positions and Pushing Attack to move enemies out of them. The saves for these attacks are 8 + your proficiency + your dexterity modifier, and you regain your die on a short rest.

15. Monk 9: At ninth level, you get an Unarmored Movement Improvement, letting you run on water and up walls and giant snakes, as long as you don’t end your turn there. 

16. Monk 10: Finish your monk training with Purity of Body, making you immune to disease and poison. This doesn’t help with primordial seas though, so don’t get too reckless. You also get another 5′ of movement added to your speed, bringing your total bonus movement up to 20′.

17. Bard 7: Back in bard, we get a level where not much happens besides your fourth level spell. Grab Freedom of Movement so you’ll be unaffected by difficult terrain. I’d make an example of the obvious, but that’s getting old by this point.

18. Bard 8: Use your last ASI for more Dexterity, boosting your AC and damage, and then grab Dimension Door for your spell. As long as you don’t tell anyone it’s magic, it’s just a really good jump, right?

19. Bard 9: Ninth level bards get a boost to their song of rest as well as fifth level spells. Grab Legend Lore: the grail gives you information about the world when you materialize, so why wouldn’t you know what this thing you’re holding does?

20. Bard 10: Your capstone level gives you a boost to your bardic inspiration, making it a d10, and you get  two more points of expertise, say Athletics and Survival. Grab Vicious Mockery as another cantrip, and finally say hello to Magical Secrets, two spells from any spell list. Sadly, to fill out the last couple NPs, you’ll have to grab Jump and Shield of Faith. Yes, your capstone ability is two level one spells.

Pros: You are very mobile. While your movement is “only” 50′ on paper, the bonuses you get from your flurry of blows and attacking means you can run circles around most of your enemies. The effects from your spells, maneuvers, and flourishes also let you shove enemies around freely. Also, like most bards you have pretty solid soft skills, especially when you’re lying through your teeth.

Cons: A majority of your bard levels don’t really contribute much to the build, and having to spend 10 levels just to get two level one spells really hurts in the long run. This is especially true since despite having magic, you still don’t have much in the way of ranged attacks to work with outside of vicious mockery. You’re also really fragile for someone running in with a sword, with only about 100 HP to work with.

[acidproofnotebook]

OPM Chapter 84, Update 125

As first published online

Translator: u/Mynthence

Title Page: In order to remain solitary, instead of in solitude.

Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5

Movements that are a perfect blend of attack and defense.

Even though it’s the same Water Stream Rock Smashing Fist the difference in degrees of completion are plainly evident.

The result is obvious.

Page 6

Fuu!!

Page 7 Page 8 Page 9

grab

Bwoh!?

Page 10

Ubuh!!

Page 11

Wh…what’s…with…

This flashy assault, it’s not like the damn geezer at all…

Page 12

N…not good…

My consciousness is fad…

No….I’m gonna die…

…….tsk!!!

Gwah!

Page 13

What’s with those weird movements

where did you learn them?

Like a beast

Not yet!

Page 14

If I can use the heroes that are unconscious as hostages, there’s still a chance!!

I won’t let you

Ugah

Page 15 Page 16

Bang!

I’ve taken care of all the monsters that came out of the hole

All that’s left is Garou

Page 17

There’s still some monster-like reactions but

Beep beep…

For some reason I can’t ascertain the exact number and location…

Will going through that hole take us to the Monster Association’s base?

The guys from the Monster Association…were they wiped out?

They’re useless…!!!

Page 18

I thought we brought enough forces to capture Garou alive but…

Demon Cyborg…to think that he would be this strong

Silver Fang is here too. With this there’s no chance to take him away…

But if I go back empty-handed after expending all these troops, I might be the next one to be eaten by Orochi…

Page 19

Garou will just have to break through this situation with his own power…

…but it’s hopeless…

Should I start thinking about how to live after leaving the Monster Association…?

Hey brother…if it was you…

Would you still be able to stand up with his level of injuries?

…if I was 60 years younger I could try

…probably

Alright! Just a little bit more!!!

Let’s finish this before the other heroes show up, Bang!

Indeed

Page 20

Gugi…

My arms aren’t working properly anymore…

That geezer Bang, going after his former number one disciple when he’s been weakened…how vicious is he?

Page 21

Not to mention that the geezer that’s beating me up with him is Bomb, the master of the Whirlwind Iron Cutting Fist

For the leaders of the martial arts world to come at me two-on-one, do they have no shame or care for their reputations?

Even if I pretend to beg for my life to these guys, I’m sure the Demon Cyborg won’t let me go

In other words, in order to overcome this extremely critical situation, I need to kill all three of them

Page 22

That’s impossible.

Know the pain of my “number one disciple” Charanko

Garou!!

Page 23

Let’s play Hero!

Garou. You’ll play too, right?

Let’s play, let’s play.

Eh

Okay

Page 24

Introductory music

Justice Man has arrived!

Justice Man Kick

Ouch!

Hey

Page 25

That’s dangerous

What?

I feel bad for him

………………

Then you should play the part of the Monster

Justice Man Cross Chop

Woah

Why did you dodge

S, sorry Tacchan

I scratched up my hand

You’re the Monster. Why can’t you read the mood?

Hold Garou down

Okay

Page 26

Justice Man Kick!

I’ve defeated the Monster, Garou Poop Man~

What’s this, is it the thing they call a flashback?

This is a fairly private memory I’d prefer to not remember

This should be…Right…Tacchan…the popular kid in my class…

Page 27

Eh? What? Why are the boys fighting?

Did anyone call the teacher?

Garou’s going wild

Garou got mad, even though we were just playing

I can’t…stand it anymore…

What’s with him?

Tacchan

Fight me!

Huh? What are you saying?

It’s just Hero

Page 28 I don’t want to be the Monster anymore! It’s not fun! Fight me, and if I win, you have to promise that you won’t bother me anymore!

Sabuchin, Yochan, hold Garou down

That’s not fair…stop…let me go! I…

Ugh

Damnit!!

Woah, he’s snapped! Call the teacher

Tacchan, run away

Hold him down! Hold him down!

What’s going on?

Perfect timing. You guys help out too.

He got carried away because Taachan’s too nice

Gross

I heard Garou got pissed off at Taachan while they were playing Hero. (lol)

Seriously? What’s he thinking?

Poor Taachan

Page 29

Taachan would easily get carried away

Taachan was good at sports

Taachan liked bullying weak people

Taachan was popular with the girls

Taachan was a disgusting guy

Taachan was popular

I was the gloomy guy who was always alone

I didn’t have any friends

I hated popular people

Why did you go wild?

Teacher, Taachan always

I heard you got mad while playing Hero. Is that true?

They always make me be the Monster

You can’t even tell the difference between make-believe and reality!?

That’s not it. Everyone says it’s my fault because Taachan is popular…

You’re the one who went crazy! How will you take responsibility if the windows get broken!

NO!

Page 30

It’s not that I hate being the Monster.

Is it that I didn’t like Taachan being the Hero?

No that’s not it

I was sensing a crushing sense of unfairness through the Hero game. A game designed in a way that would let the popular kid who was loved by everyone to one-sidedly beat up the weak kid that no one liked.

You did something bad, so go apologize.

I’m calling your parents too

This wasn’t just bullying. The game that faithfully reproduced the children’s TV shows was accepted by the public. You’re free to play any role that you want in this game, but the role of the Hero requires the approval of all those who are playing, so naturally I never had a chance to play that part. And of course, a scenario where the Monster wins doesn’t exist to begin with, so I have to always lose.

Page 31

What’s Justice! What’s Evil! In the end, I get killed because of the majority! I can’t accept that! It’s unfair!

I can’t explain the reason very well but I’m angry!

I just want to let them know!

I want them to experience a weakling’s attack!

I want to deny the positions of good and evil!

Page 32

He’s going to fall

This is the end

Page 33

Like I’d let myself be finished off in a place like this!

Page 34 Page 35

What?

Page 36

Oh!

Page 37 Page 38

What’s with that power…

from that broken body!?

Page 39

Give it up Garou!

If you keep on going… You’ll really die!!!

Bang, above you!

Page 40 Page 41

Woah!?

Page 42

A monster!?

So there were still some left!!!

Page 43

!

Genos!

Bang, you saw his appearance just now!

He’s a monster now! He even has companions!

It’s okay if I shoot Garou down with him, right?

Page 44

Did you hear that!!?

I’ll take Garou away from here

You can crush everyone on the ground right now!

I leave the rest to you!!

???

Page 45

Rasen Shoukyaku Hou (Spiral Incineration Cannon)

Page 46

Elder Centipede!

Page 47 Page 48 Page 49 Page 50

What was that!?

Page 51 Page 52

Disaster Level: Dragon Giant Mysterious Insect Elder Centipede

Page 53

W…what….

Is this a living being !!?

Oh no!!!

We need to protect them!

Page 54

Here we go

Page 55 Page 56

So this is the source of the reaction from before…

It’s not that I couldn’t pinpoint its location…it was too big!

Page 57

To think that it could take a direct hit from the cannon and have no injuries

This is going to be a tough opponent…

That centipede is…

Page 58

What do you think you’re doing, butting in like that!

Just let Elder Centipede take care of things here

He is a great calamity that swallows up everything

I’m fascinated by that unstoppable destructive power

You’re not thorough enough Hero Hunter

Once you defeat an opponent, you need to make sure you finish them off

It seems that all those heroes lying down over there are still alive

Page 59

Well…don’t worry

Elder Centipede will end everything

!

Stop interfering!

Let me down right now!

Those are my prey!

Hey, quit struggling

Damnit! Go back!

I won’t forgive you!

Hahaha…why are you so mad.

It’s your fault for not finishing the job.

Also…it’s convenient that we can erase two S-class here.

For the Monster Association, S-class heroes are the biggest threat

Page 60

You also directly experienced it

…..

In any fight there’s something called compatibility

According to our adviser Gyoro Gyoro

Out of all the heroes there are only four who can stand up against the Elder Centipede

Page 61

The peerless one wielding the strongest psychic ability “Tornado of Terror”

The one whose hidden military strength can’t be grasped by even the Hero Association “Metal Knight”

Page 62

The strongest man on earth “King”

And…the top hero that pushed Elder Centipede to the brink of death two years ago

“Blast”

Page 63

They say that Elder Centipede decided to cooperate with the Monster Association in order to get its revenge on Blast

It’s eager to pull Blast, who doesn’t come to the forefront, back onto the battlefield.

But…Unfortunately, those two don’t have the ability to break through this current situation.

Silver Fang is without equal in regards to his strength in hand-to-hand combat, but that only applies to opponents that are of a size that can be affected by martial arts.

Demon Cyborg’s abilities are outstanding but

He shouldn’t be equipped with any weapons that can take on a giant insect beast

And his firepower can’t go beyond the capabilities of his weapons

That’s his limit

Page 64

They will definitely be destroyed

Here it comes!!!

Page 65 Page 66

shine

!

Page 67

Whirl Wind

Water Stream

Page 68

Todoroki Kuuretsu Ken (Roaring Sky Splitting Fist)

Page 69 Page 70 Page 71 Page 72

What is that move

We have a special move that takes advantage of the opponent’s openings

We’re counting on you to distract it

It broken that super hard shell into pieces…!?

This is

The pinnacle of skill

Page 73

Not yet Not yet Not yet Not yet Not yet Not yet Not yet Not yet

Page 74 Page 75

Oh….

Goaaaahhhh

!

Guh

Page 76

Oww…

We let down our guard

But it was effective

The shockwave is circulating throughout its body

Blow up into pieces you monster

It’s a super move that can only be pulled off once by geezers like us

I’m glad it hit

Thank you Genos

Page 77

It’s finished

Page 78

Hm?

Page 79

Seriously?

Page 80

This guy molted…!!!

And didn’t it get bigger than before!?

No way!

Page 81

We can’t beat this thing…!

If we have to protect the unconscious heroes at the same time…

What should we do!? Bang!

Even if we back off, it would probably come after us and…

It’s all residential areas outside of Forest Park…

If we leave, it’ll affect the civilians…

Page 82

Bang

I’ll fight it

I’ll hold off that centipede as long as I can so

Take the injured and escape

Page 83

Genos

Are you saying that you’ll fight that thing on your own?

I can’t agree with that…

You don’t need to push yourself. You know that you can’t win

You young ones have still have a future

Genos

Just don’t overdo it

Page 84

Is that…

Really okay?

Page 85

There’s no way

Page 86

That’s okay

Page 87 Page 88 Page 89

There’s no way!

Cannons don’t work on it!

Page 90

This guy

And the guy from yesterday

Page 91

And Garou

Are all part of the Monster Association

This fight

Is unavoidable

Page 92 Page 93 Page 94

Dual Blade Rush

That’s what it means to fight against them

Page 95

I’m participating in this fight

Grind into pieces

Page 96

If you say that’s being reckless

Crack

!

Uh…

Page 97

Genos!!!

At this rate

I…

Page 98

Won’t be able to stay in the fight

Page 99 Page 100

Jet Drive Arrow

Page 101

Uooohhhh!!!

Page 102 Page 103

Ugoah

He went into its mouth

Oh no…

Page 104

!

Digestive juices

I’ll completely melt you in a few seconds

You’re the one that’s going to melt

Page 105

Chou Rasen Shoukyaku Hou (Super Spiral Incineration Cannon)

Page 106 Page 107

…….!!!

He did it!!

Clank

…..

Page 108

Crack crack

Crack crack

Page 109

Crack crack

Crack

grin

Again…

I…

Can’t win…

Can’t protect…

Page 110

We’re getting out of here

sizzle

Brother! Grab those guys and run!!

It’s useless

What’s wrong?

Are you disgusted that you ended up being partially responsible for slaughtering those heroes?

Page 111

That’s not it!

I’m just disappointed by this ending!!!

I…want to defeat them with my own power!

By doing so, I become the symbol of fear…!!

That’s the meaning behind the hero hunting!!!

The symbol of fear? You? Hahaha…

If you were to go back now, you would only end up getting stomped on together with the heroes.

Right now you don’t have the strength to go against Elder Centipede or the officers of the Monster Association.

Page 112

Guh…

Just…you wait…and see…

What should I do…

Page 113

What is it that I lack…!?

Are there still more guys like that?

In front of guys like that…

Am I only able to suck on my thumb while watching them…?

Bang! This isn’t good. If we keep going

We’ll exit the Forest Park!

Page 114

Also…I can’t run for very long while carrying this many people

How old do you think I am

Do or die…

Brother

Page 115

I’m going to go all out for the last time in my life

Page 116

Elder Centipede~!!!

Hey! You pest!!!!!

I’ve brought the “Blast” that you’ve been looking for!!!!!

Page 117

!?

That voice is…King!!?

Blast!?

What…!

!!!?

Look!!

Its movements have stopped

And it’s turned around

Page 118

Blast…?

Yes…that’s right! The opponent that beat you up and made you run away while peeing your pants….the hero Blast!!

If you want to fight against Blast again, come over here!

What’s wrong? Are you so scared that you can’t move!? You’re spineless!!! Hey, if you’re going to shit yourself, do it at home!

A weak little bug like you should go back underground and suck on your mom’s tits!!!

Page 119

King made it to the location in City S where Elder Centipede reappeared!!!

That’s good! King should be able to do something about this situation…

Yes…there are still several heroes in that area

And when I told him that they might become casualties from any fighting nearby

He told me “Give me any information that might provoke Elder Centipede”

He undoubtedly plans on luring the enemy to where he is and fighting it one-on-one

Page 120

When Blast severely wounded it, it escaped and ran away underground

I hope we can defeat it this time…

It was top secret information, but I relayed the information detailing the monster and Blast’s connection to him

Also, I told him that if the battle were to be prolonged or if they were to change locations, the damage to the surrounding areas would be tremendous

And what how did he respond?

Just one word: “Understood”…

Together with the reverberations of the King Engine

Page 121

Draw the enemy this way so there aren’t any more casualties…

If the enemy is wounded, finish it off before it escapes underground…

Finish it as quickly as possible…

Any attacks should be contained within a limited range…and no attacks that might knock the centipede into the residential areas…

That’s all

Page 122

…..

…tama?

Page 123

Saitama~!!!?

It’s going to hit

Page 124 Page 125 Page 126

Ser

Page 127 Page 128

ious

Page 129

Pun

Page 130 Page 131

ch

Page 132 Page 133 Oh

Page 134

Is that you, Genos?

Page 135

So you were here.

Just like King said

Yeah…and it looks like we came just in the nick of time

Good thing we came

Oh…?

Saitama…you look kind of refreshed

What happened?

I kind of feel like I let off a lot of steam

Page 136

I had a lot of stress built up because you kept beating me in those games

So he was still pissed off

Well…I wanted to teach you that your way of fighting with only one style of attack isn’t good…

Saitama-sensei, I wish to ask you a question

What is it?

What do you think I am lacking?

Eh

Isn’t it power?

Page 137

….!!!!

Thank you very much!

Ahhhhhhhh….That’s no good…

You probably shouldn’t use Saitama as a point of reference, Genos…

Sensei’s fights show me the path that I should take

The symbol of strength

That is what I should aim for…

I will also reach that place

Page 138

Garou…so you finally passed out

Rest well

We’ll reach Orochi soon

[forever-rogue]

Autumn Dialogue Prompts

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

1. “It’s spooky season! Finally! My favorite time of the year!” “It’s August...it’s still summer?!”

2. “Who ate all my candy?!!”

3. “You’re too old to go trick-or-treating.”

4. “I hate costumes. There is no way in hell I am dressing up.”

5. “Time to get spooky!”

6.  “After being freaks, are we gonna get freaky?”

7. “What are you supposed to be?” “A mortician, obviously.” “Can you be a sexy mortician?”

8.  “Well, one of us has to change and it’s not going to be me.”

9.  “And just what exactly are you supposed to be?”

10. “Nope, I’m not scared. Not at all.”

11. “Is that red syrup? Please tell me it’s syrup.”

12. “I paid $50.00 for this haunted house. I better die.”

13.  “You should hang out with me later. I’m gonna marathon a bunch of movies.”

14. “I came in here expecting a trick, but you’re a real treat.”

15.  “Making out in a graveyard?”

16.  “Did you seriously injure yourself carving a pumpkin?”

17.  “Can you please help me carry this pumpkin inside my house. It’s like three times bigger than me.”

18.  “Oh, pumpkin spice. You make me so happy. You’re the love of my life.”

19.  “Let’s split up.” “Let’s not.”

20.  “Why are you just sitting there, RUN!”

21.  “We should do a couples costume.” “We’re not a couple though.”

22.  “How many caramel apples do we need? Two? Twenty? Four hundred? I’m buying four hundred.”

23.  “There’s nothing quite as satisfying as stepping on a super crunchy leaf.”

24.  “You ever realize that the fall smell everyone loves so much is just the scent of dying plants?”

25.  “It’s staring at me.”

26.  “Remember that IOU you gave me? Well this is it. You are wearing this couples costume.”

27.  “I’m going to presume that dead body in our garden is a decoration.”

28.  “Why have I woken up in our car, in the middle of a graveyard, in the middle of the night, may I ask?”

29.  “You are NOT having a pumpkin spice latte after what happened last year.”

30.  “No?? Of course I’m not scared…who gets scared of…floating objects or…um weird sounds? Not me, that’s for sure.”

31. “Can you help me rake? I’ll let you jump in the leaf pile.”

32.  “I don’t usually do anything for Halloween.”

33.  “I’ve got a collection of horror movies and pizza delivery on speed dial. Want to come over?”

34.  “Let’s go for a walk. The trees are beautiful.”

35.  “Million dollar question: Nightmare Before Christmas or Hocus Pocus?”

36.  “If you carve a dick on this pumpkin, I swear to god.”

37.  “Is it too cliche to visit a cemetery on Halloween?”

38.  “Gourds are so ugly but also so cute. I want a thousand of them.”

39.  “I’m just not in the Halloween spirit yet.”

40.  “A ouija board on Halloween: what could go wrong?”

41. “You left your candy unattended and therefore it is now mine.”

42. “The candy is for trick or treaters! Stop eating it all!”

43. “Why does the dog have a leg bone? Please tell me that’s a toy.”

44. “Why are the dog and cat covered in toilet paper?” “One word - mummies!”

45.  “I hate the woods…especially at midnight on flippin’ Halloween! How did we get so lost?”

46. “OH MY GOD SHUT UP THEY’RE GOING TO KILL US!”

47.  “So babe, how do I look?” “Honestly I can’t tell a difference. You look like a zombie most days.”

48. “Why does that pumpkin look like me?” “Well you wanted something spooky?”

49. “There’s blood on your shirt.” “Oh, babe, don’t worry, it’s not mine. I’m not hurt.”

50.  “Is that a pumpkin carving tool in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

51. “The house is not haunted.”

52. “Mmm, I appreciated that little murmuring you did in my ear.” “….That wasn’t me.”

53. “There will be a lot of screaming tonight.”  

54. “Did someone spike the punch?”  

55. “UGH, why am I stuck with a bunch of babies?”

56. “Halloween is my aesthetic.”

57. “What are you gonna do? Burn me at the stake?”

58. “Get the blankets, we’re going star gazing!”

59. “My famous recipe, White Chocolate Pumpkin, with a dash of bat wings,” ‘Really?!?” “Nah, just some cinnamon,”

60. "If you say Halloween one more time-” “You’ll kiss me.”

61. “Would you rather kiss me or die?”

62. “10 pumpkins for our porch? That seems excessive…”

63. “It’s hand holding season.”

64. “Get the flashlight! We’re telling spooky stories!”

65. "Tell me the scariest story you know!”

66. “How did you manage to get us lost in a corn maze?”

67. “Has that scarecrow always been out there?”

68. “I just drank a whole gallon of cider by myself! I regret nothing!”

69. “Look! There’s a bat hanging from the doorway. Better kiss me under it.” “Nice try, never going to happen.”

70. “I don’t do horror movies- no, puppy dog eyes are against the rules, you can’t make me- fine, I’ll watch a scary movie with you.”

71.“Look, a full moon!”

72. “You’re beautiful. uh, u-um i mean the weather. It’s beautiful. Not that you’re not beautiful, because you are. I’m just gonna shut up.”

73. “I thought you said you knew how to start a fire!” “I said I could probably figure it out.”

74. “I think my fangs are coming loose, ugh.”

75. “I hate Halloween! EEEKK!! Don’t scare me like that!!”

76. “You have bits of leaves all over in your hair! Let me help you.”

77. “Did you hear that?”

78. “Lock the doors!”

79. “This can’t be the zombie apocalypse. I’m not caught up on my favorite shows.”

80. “Should we be drinking this much?”

81. “I’d let you haunt me all night long.”

82. “Do you think this is Harry Potter or something?”

83. “Dead men tell no tales, but we do bend the truth alot.”

84. “Oh, this isn’t a costume. This is my natural state of being.”

85. “We all know, that you will be the first to die.”

86. “What are you doing?” “Decorating for Halloween.” “It’s not even September yet…” “Halloween is a year round tradition.”

87. “Okay, no more cider for you.”

88. “Your laugh does not sound like an ugly witch cackle now will you please open the door.“

89. “You know, you have really pretty eyes but they’d look so much better without… all the blood.”

90. “What kind of childhood did you have if you never ate Halloween candy?”

91. “Black cats and pumpkins and stuff, it’s all just based on old superstitions and legends.”

92. “A walk in the woods seems like a bad idea. Ever seen Blair Witch Project?”

93. “How do you still look beautiful in zombie makeup?” 

94. “The scariest looking houses always give the best candy, it’s fact.”

95. “Wouldn’t you like to see something strange?”

96. “I think our house is haunted.”

97. “Was that someone knocking? It’s not time for trick or treaters yet.”

98. “You almost scared me to death. I’m never going to forgive you for that.”

99. “What are you going to do? Sue the ghosts?”

100. “It’s Alive! It’s Alive!”

[mersuperwholocked-lowlife]

Prompt List

So, I decided to make an official prompt list. So, when I open requests, you can use a prompt from here, or just send me whatever you want. You can check out what I write before

1). “This is who I am, I know I’m a monster but I can’t change who I am.”

2.) “What’s a motto?” “I don’t know what’s the motto with you.”

3.) “How many fucking times do you think I’m going to let myself go through this again?”

4.) “Do you know what it’s like to go to bed every day to escape your demons only to find new ones haunting you?” 

5.) “Dude, that was crazy! I didn’t think that would work.” “Me neither.”

6.) “Are you sure I can’t punch him in the face?” “Yes“ “Damn it.”

7.) ”I don’t need your forgiveness, and I’m way past asking for your permission”

8.) “It hurts me that you can lie to me so easily. It hurts that you always lie to me. When can I have the truth? Is it too much to ask for?”

9.) “I’ve been telling her not to, it’s not my fault that she’s a prick and can’t do shit when she’s told to.”

10.) “Do you ever think about everything you’ve done in your life? How do you not hate yourself?

11.) “I’m not proud of much, but I’m proud of you.”

12.) “If you’re here, and he’s here, then who the hell is making all that ruckus in my bedroom?”

13.) “Please forgive me.”

14.) “Let her. Let her kill me. Let her hurt me. I deserve it.”

15.) “P-Please hold me.”

16.) “That is false.”

17.) “I-I can’t remember what I did yesterday or what I did today. I-I don’t know where I am.”

18.) “You were supposed to be my friend. You were supposed to be my family.”

19.) “Own up to who you are. Never let anyone shoot you down.”

20.) “As Sir Isaac Newton once said, ‘The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

21.) “I thought dragons came after virgins… so why aren’t they after you?”

22.) “Being insanely smart has its downs.”

23.) “You said you’ll always be there for me. You lied.”

24.) “Yes! I’m a real person! I have real people’s feelings!”

25.)  “It’s us, always and forever.”

26.) “I have to pick between the only people I’ve ever cared about, and whoever I don’t pick dies.”

27.) “Why are you always running away from me? I’m not that bad!” “You’re the devil in a white suit.”

28.) “Can we please stop this? W-We’s always fighting. I-I don’t even know what we’re fighting about.”

29.) “I hope you learned your lesson, next time I won’t be there to save your ass.” “W-What are you talking about? What do you mean you won’t be there?”

30.) “Eres un idiota.” “Did you just call me an idiot in Spanish?” “What?! I would never.”

31.) “But why does this matter? I can guarantee you that I’m never gonna use it.”

32.) “Doesn’t it bother you that we can never be normal?” “Maybe it did. But now, being different is better.” 

33.) “So, if you’re so good with kids, then where the hell is mine?” “That’s not fair.” “It’s your fault.”

34.) “I’m too tired to care.”

35.) “I don’t want to kill you. But I will. Because my family is more important. So again, leave. Now.”

36.) “Danger’s my last name!” “I thought it was (Y/L/N)?”

37.) “I-I can’t find anything of my meds. Not my anti-depressants, not my pain killers, not my anxiety meds. I-I can’t stop shaking.”

38.) “I have to write a 4-page long argumentative essay.” “Well, you are good at arguing.”

39.) “But you tried. That’s what counts. Not everything is a success.”

40.) “Ugh, it’s you again. Didn’t you die last year?” “No, that was fake.”

41.) “Don’t do that!”

42.) “You’re so stupid! I hate you and your stupid little face!”

43.) “What the hell?! You’re supposed to be taking an exam right now! What the hell are you doing here?!”

44.) “Did I stutter?”

 45.) “Let go of my pie. Now.”

46.) “You’re sneaking out, aren’t you?”

47.) “How many times must I tell you? No drinking before dark.

48.) “So, you have a metal arm? That’s exciting.”

49.) “Do you think that I’m gonna leave you? You’re stuck with me, with us forever, no matter how much you hate it.”

50.) “Uhm, am I going crazy, or do you also see that horse?”

51.) “You’re not who I thought you were. You’re better.”

52.) “Are you sure you two aren’t related?”

53.) “There are literal monsters, roaming the streets, and you’re telling me to stay calm?!”

54.) “I know this may be hard for you to believe, but there are ways to solve your problems, without violence.”

55.) “Well, I didn’t expect that.”

56.) “You look like you need a hug, kid. What’s on your mind?”

57.) “Please don’t! She’s a child!” “So what? Many children die every day, why should yours live?”

58.) “I said to blend in! Not dress like you just killed someone!”

59.) “You’re lying.” “That makes two of us

60.)” Well, this is awkward.”

61.) I uh, think I might be pregnant.”

62.) “Do you want me to kill somebody for you?”

63.) “I thought you were dead?” “Yeah, guess I was hell to put up with. Even for Hell.

64.) Prove it to me. Prove to me this world would be better without you. ‘Cuz it won’t. Let me show you how much you mean to me. To us. Just please, get down from there.”

65.) “Let me help you cook before you burn down my house.”

66.) “I’m not scared of you. You’re like a little puppy!”

67.) “I want you to come with me, not anyone else.”

68.) “Do you know each other?”

69.)   “I hate you.” “I know. But you need me.”

70.) “Isn’t it a beautiful day to create some chaos?”

71.) “I’m not drunk enough for this.”

72.) “Welcome to Vampire 101. Don’t get caught by hunters.”

73.) “Please don’t hurt them! They’ve done nothing wrong!”

74.) “I’m doing the best I can! I don’t know how to drive!”

75.) “I heard screaming, are you okay?”

76.) “Hey! Are you telling me I’m bad at my job!”

77.) “I really don’t care.”

78.) “I can’t remember. I wish I could.”

79.) “Watch your language!”

80.) “Hey, I can’t find the scissors, can we use your claws?”

81.) "Minutes. We only have minutes till it's too late.

82.) "Just be careful. I don't want a call at 3 AM from the hospital saying that you died.

83.) "What do you want?! I'm playing Mario Kart!"

84.) "There's a light at the end of the tunnel." "Yeah, it's called hellfire.

85.) "Who gives a rat's ass about Chemistry?!

86.) "Oh my god just your voice makes me wanna die!

87.) "Why the hell is there a 72-inch teddy bear on my bed?

88.) "None of us here have a life, so who the hell is texting you at 10 PM?

89.) "I just want it to end? Can't you just leave me to die?!"

90.) "Okay, he keeps giving me the evil eye."

91.) "I've been stabbed more times than days I've been alive."

92.) "Did you cut your hair?" "No, I got stabbed by a knife."

93.) "Please save me."

94.) "A shady ass mansion and 6 weird ass kids, what could go wrong?"

95.) "Oh my god they are dating! You owe me 5 bucks!"

96.) "No! There's something wrong with me, everyone always leaves me!"

97.) "Why is there a 5-year-old in your hands?"

98.) "Oh yeah, I'm pregnant."

99.) "So, I'm a witch, my dad's a hunter, and my mom's an evil coven leader. Talk about a messed up family."

100.) "You know what they say, the kindest one is the most broken one."

101.) "I've got all the time in the world for you."

102.) "I-I didn't kill him."

103.) "You're covered in blood."

104.) "Took years, but I finally have the courage to say it, I love you. Will you go out with me?"

105.) "Well, I'm never working at this coffee shop again."

106.) "I accidentally drank dish soap."

107.) "He's kinda hot."

108.) "Are you drunk? Again?"

109.) "I can feel myself, fading away."

110.) "Don't stray away from me, I love you."

111.) “It’s a hard life but I had you. And I’d never give up that.”

112.) “Don’t move! One wrong step and you’ll die!”

113.) “You are good enough. Don’t doubt yourself.”

114.) "Do you smell something burning?" "Dude, that's your hair."

115.) "I just feel so numb, a-all the time. S-So fucking numb."

116.) “He saved my life, (name). You keep saying everyone else doesn't forgive him. I know you’re the one who doesn't. Stop acting like you're the high and mighty merciful one. I’m going to find him, and you’re not gonna stop me,”

117.) "I love you, why are you pushing me away?"

118.) "Why is nothing I do good enough for you? Every time you look at me, it's like you're just staring at a steaming pile of disappointment. Why do you always think you're better than me?"

119.) "I-I know you're there. Just please let me out."

120.) "You're gonna kill me? With what, reckless driving?"

121.) I'm listening to you, I have been fucking listen to you!"

122.) "Know that you are good enough,"

123.) "I'm sorry that I was a dick. Just please, don't leave."

[basscannonjack]

1-100 SPEED RUN

Ama. How could you do this to me

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

Lactose intolerant, only eat cereal dry

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

yes, but not for too long

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

i just try to remember lmao

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

don’t like coffee, drink tea plain or with some sugar

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

not as much as I used to be!

6: do you keep plants?

I have one (1) cactus that I haven’t killed in the 9 years I’ve had it

7: do you name your plants?

sometimes!

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

music or writing

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

ALWAYS

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

I generally fall asleep on my stomach and wake up on my back

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?

I HAVE YOU NOW

12: what's your favorite planet?

Neptune, probably!

13: what's something that made you smile today?

my SON asking me ALL THE QUESTIONS

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

oh god, probably a bit of a mess

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

the ISS was launched on the day of my birth, so it’s been in space *literally* my entire life

16: what's your favorite pasta dish?

just plain ol’ chicken alfredo

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

keeping it silver baybeee

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

oh man, there are so many, but i’ll go with the time that Roman got coke to fizz through my nose by making me laugh too hard

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

no journal, only very similar looking notebooks to doodle and write in

20: what's your favorite eye color?

hazel!

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

my Bag of Holding! snapped the clasp on it a few years back though

22: are you a morning person?

not at all!

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

SLEEP

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Ashe, of course

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into?

I had to break into my own safe at my old job, does that count?

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

I’d say my boots, but I just got a new set, so the older ones

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor?

Spearmint or wintergreen

28: sunrise or sunset?

Sunrise

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

I just love seeing my friends blush

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

yes, I won’t go into detail

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

SOCKS SOCKS SOCKS I used to collect weird socks, now I just have a bunch of fun dress socks lmao

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

driving everyone home at 4 am and seeing other people on the road and going “you should be in bed!” at them

33: what's your fave pastry?

lemon meringue pie

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

Teddy a winnie the pooh bear that I still have!

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

I adore new pens

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?

uhhhh I’ve been listening to a lot of Rise Against and ABBA lmao

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

messy

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

nearly anything my brother does 

39: what color do you wear the most?

black or blue

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?

my claddagh ring from my grandmother, i don’t have much else from her

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving?

not the last book but there was one about a girl having a single dragon finger that I remember reading so many times that I unfortunately don’t know the name of, or the Tamora Pierce Lioness series

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

Don’t like coffee!

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

James <3

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

I do not :’)

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

not as much as I probably should

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

I’ve been changing my username to a different halloween themed pun for all of October, I’m all burnt out

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

Balut, it icks me out

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

heights, and yes :’)

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

I got a record player fairly recently, I have some P!atD ones, Foo Fighters, and Imagine Dragons

50: what's an odd thing you collect?

rocks

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

Bitch by Meredith Brooks for my eldest sister

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

the ones we’ve made in our server

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

all of the above except Pulp Fiction, I’m not really a movie person but I *am* a musical person

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

my dad

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?

Cotton Eyed Joe in six inch heels

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

honesty and passion in an interest

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

I just vibe and belt, y’know

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

can they both be me

59: what's your favorite myth?

the soup with a rock in it!

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

Where the Sidewalk Ends was always a good one

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?

a coffee cup drinking horn for my dad, and some painted rocks from my brother

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

it would be apple juice if I did

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

not at all

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

greyish, the sun is just about to rise

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with?

My eldest sister

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

ROSES

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

give them to me, I love them

68: what's winter like where you live?

COLD

69: what are your favorite board games?

Monopoly and LIFE

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

no thanks

71: what's your favorite kind of tea?

raspberry or orange for fruit and mint

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

no, but I do write things down anyways

73: what are some of your worst habits?

I lose things all the time

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

STARDUST SOULMATE

75: tell us about your pets!

I have a Min Pin named Lily

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?

Sleeping

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

pink

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

*insert ick emoji*

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

decorated my band locker to celebrate my birthday

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

beige, but I hung up a bunch of posters!

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

when the sun hits very rich dirt where a tree used to be

82: are/were you good in school?

best in class in math with a 101.8 but I also rarely did homework so uh

83: what's some of your favorite album art?

Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

Dragon on the shoulder blade, roses on the left arm, Exalt on the right

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

webcomics! Barbarous, currently

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

:? not sure what that means

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

TREASURE PLANET

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

nope!

89: are you close to your parents?

my dad!

90: talk about your one of your favorite cities.

don’t really have a favorite, in all honesty

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

I was supposed to go see Ashe for their birthday but maybe next year!

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

CHEESE CHEESE CHEESE

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most?

uhhh it’s usually short enough to do nothing lmao

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

I have a friend’s bday tomorrow!

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

WORK

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

bit of both

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

INTP, Scorpio, Ravenclaw

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

last year? maybe the one before? I did! but my heart didn’t

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

How Far We’ve Come, Matchbox Twenty

The Call, Backstreet Boys

I2I, from the Goofy Movie Soundtrack (lmao)

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

the future! I’ve had my time in the past, no changing it now

[teenwolffan-with-nolife]

Prompt List

Check out What I Write before requesting

1). “This is who I am, I know I’m a monster but I can’t change who I am.”

2.) “What’s a motto?” “I don’t know what’s the motto with you.”

3.) “How many fucking times do you think I’m going to let myself go through this again?”

4.) “Do you know what it’s like to go to bed every day to escape your demons only to find new ones haunting you?” 

5.) “Dude, that was crazy! I didn’t think that would work.” “Me neither.”

6.) “Are you sure I can’t punch him in the face?” “Yes“ “Damn it.”

7.) ”I don’t need your forgiveness, and I’m way past asking for your permission”

8.) “It hurts me that you can lie to me so easily. It hurts that you always lie to me. When can I have the truth? Is it too much to ask for?”

9.) “I’ve been telling her not to, it’s not my fault that she’s a prick and can’t do shit when she’s told to.”

10.) “Do you ever think about everything you’ve done in your life? How do you not hate yourself?

11.) “I’m not proud of much, but I’m proud of you.”

12.) “If you’re here, and he’s here, then who the hell is making all that ruckus in my bedroom?”

13.) “Please forgive me.”

14.) “Let her. Let her kill me. Let her hurt me. I deserve it.”

15.) “P-Please hold me.”

16.) “That is false.”

17.) “I-I can’t remember what I did yesterday or what I did today. I-I don’t know where I am.”

18.) “You were supposed to be my friend. You were supposed to be my family.”

19.) “Own up to who you are. Never let anyone shoot you down.”

20.) “As Sir Isaac Newton once said, ‘The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

21.) “I thought dragons came after virgins… so why aren’t they after you?”

22.) “Being insanely smart has its downs.”

23.) “You said you’ll always be there for me. You lied.”

24.) “Yes! I’m a real person! I have real people’s feelings!”

25.)  “It’s us, always and forever.”

26.) “I have to pick between the only people I’ve ever cared about, and whoever I don’t pick dies.”

27.) “Why are you always running away from me? I’m not that bad!” “You’re the devil in a white suit.”

28.) “Can we please stop this? W-We’re always fighting. I-I don’t even know what we’re fighting about.”

29.) “I hope you learned your lesson, next time I won’t be there to save your ass.” “W-What are you talking about? What do you mean you won’t be there?”

30.) “Eres un idiota.” “Did you just call me an idiot in Spanish?” “What?! I would never.”

31.) “But why does this matter? I can guarantee you that I’m never gonna use it.”

32.) “Doesn’t it bother you that we can never be normal?” “Maybe it did. But now, being different is better.” 

33.) “So, if you’re so good with kids, then where the hell is mine?” “That’s not fair.” “It’s your fault.”

34.) “I’m too tired to care.”

35.) “I don’t want to kill you. But I will. Because my family is more important. So again, leave. Now.”

36.) “Danger’s my last name!” “I thought it was (Y/L/N)?”

37.) “I-I can’t find anything of my meds. Not my anti-depressants, not my pain killers, not my anxiety meds. I-I can’t stop shaking.”

38.) “I have to write a 4-page long argumentative essay.” “Well, you are good at arguing.”

39.) “But you tried. That’s what counts. Not everything is a success.”

40.) “Ugh, it’s you again. Didn’t you die last year?” “No, that was fake.”

41.) “Don’t do that!”

42.) “You’re so stupid! I hate you and your stupid little face!”

43.) “What the hell?! You’re supposed to be taking an exam right now! What the hell are you doing here?!”

44.) “Did I stutter?”

 45.) “Let go of my pie. Now.”

46.) “You’re sneaking out, aren’t you?”

47.) “How many times must I tell you? No drinking before dark.

48.) “So, you have a metal arm? That’s exciting.”

49.) “Do you think that I’m gonna leave you? You’re stuck with me, with us forever, no matter how much you hate it.”

50.) “Uhm, am I going crazy, or do you also see that horse?”

51.) “You’re not who I thought you were. You’re better.”

52.) “Are you sure you two aren’t related?”

53.) “There are literal monsters, roaming the streets, and you’re telling me to stay calm?!”

54.) “I know this may be hard for you to believe, but there are ways to solve your problems, without violence.”

55.) “Well, I didn’t expect that.”

56.) “You look like you need a hug, kid. What’s on your mind?”

57.) “Please don’t! She’s a child!” “So what? Many children die every day, why should yours live?”

58.) “I said to blend in! Not dress like you just killed someone!”

59.) “You’re lying.” “That makes two of us

60.)” Well, this is awkward.”

61.) I uh, think I might be pregnant.”

62.) “Do you want me to kill somebody for you?”

63.) “I thought you were dead?” “Yeah, guess I was hell to put up with. Even for Hell.

64.) Prove it to me. Prove to me this world would be better without you. ‘Cuz it won’t. Let me show you how much you mean to me. To us. Just please, get down from there.”

65.) “Let me help you cook before you burn down my house.”

66.) “I’m not scared of you. You’re like a little puppy!”

67.) “I want you to come with me, not anyone else.”

68.) “Do you know each other?”

69.)   “I hate you.” “I know. But you need me.”

70.) “Isn’t it a beautiful day to create some chaos?”

71.) “I’m not drunk enough for this.”

72.) “Welcome to Vampire 101. Don’t get caught by hunters.”

73.) “Please don’t hurt them! They’ve done nothing wrong!”

74.) “I’m doing the best I can! I don’t know how to drive!”

75.) “I heard screaming, are you okay?”

76.) “Hey! Are you telling me I’m bad at my job!”

77.) “I really don’t care.”

78.) “I can’t remember. I wish I could.”

79.) “Watch your language!”

80.) “Hey, I can’t find the scissors, can we use your claws?”

81.) "Minutes. We only have minutes till it's too late.

82.) "Just be careful. I don't want a call at 3 AM from the hospital saying that you died.

83.) "What do you want?! I'm playing Mario Kart!"

84.) "There's a light at the end of the tunnel." "Yeah, it's called hellfire.

85.) "Who gives a rat's ass about Chemistry?!

86.) "Oh my god just your voice makes me wanna die!

87.) "Why the hell is there a 72-inch teddy bear on my bed?

88.) "None of us here have a life, so who the hell is texting you at 10 PM?

89.) "I just want it to end? Can't you just leave me to die?!"

90.) "Okay, he keeps giving me the evil eye."

91.) "I've been stabbed more times than days I've been alive."

92.) "Did you cut your hair?" "No, I got stabbed by a knife."

93.) "Please save me."

94.) "A shady ass mansion and 6 weird ass kids, what could go wrong?"

95.) "Oh my god they are dating! You owe me 5 bucks!"

96.) "No! There's something wrong with me, everyone always leaves me!"

97.) "Why is there a 5-year-old in your hands?"

98.) "Oh yeah, I'm pregnant."

99.) "So, I'm a witch, my dad's a hunter, and my mom's an evil coven leader. Talk about a messed up family."

100.) "You know what they say, the kindest one is the most broken one."

101.) "I've got all the time in the world for you."

102.) "I-I didn't kill him."

103.) "You're covered in blood."

104.) "Took years, but I finally have the courage to say it, I love you. Will you go out with me?"

105.) "Well, I'm never working at this coffee shop again."

106.) "I accidentally drank dish soap."

107.) "He's kinda hot."

108.) "Are you drunk? Again?"

109.) "I can feel myself, fading away."

110.) "Don't stray away from me, I love you."

111.) “It’s a hard life but I had you. And I’d never give up that.”

112.) “Don’t move! One wrong step and you’ll die!”

113.) “You are good enough. Don’t doubt yourself.”

114.) "Do you smell something burning?" "Dude, that's your hair,"

115.) "I just feel so numb, a-all the time. S-So fucking numb."

116.) “He saved my life, (name). You keep saying everyone else doesn't forgive him. I know you’re the one who doesn't. Stop acting like you're the high and mighty merciful one. I’m going to find him, and you’re not gonna stop me,”

117.) "I love you, why are you pushing me away?"

118.) "Why is nothing I do good enough for you? Every time you look at me, it's like you're just staring at a steaming pile of disappointment. Why do you always think you're better than me?"

119.) "I-I know you're there. Just please let me out."

120.) "You're gonna kill me? With what, reckless driving?"

121.) "I'm listening to you, I have been fucking listening to you!"

122.) "Know that you are good enough."

123.) "I'm sorry that I was a dick. Just please, don't leave."

[youcanhavemybuckanyday]

Answer all of them. 1-170. have fun.

HELL YES LETS GOOOOOOOO

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? 

5′2″. Exactly how tall I am now. I like being short.

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

I’ve always wanted a ferret. They can weed out people for me. If a person says “Ew, it’s a rat” then they ain’t worth my time.

 3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? 

Whatever’s on sale. Preferably baggy and comfortable

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? 

Always has been and always will be the Nancy Drew computer games. I’m obsessed. There are 32 games (we don’t talk about number 33), and I’ve played each one dozens of times.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: 

My laptop, my dog, my tumblr account

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? 

Warning: Prone to spontaneous breakdowns, both physically and mentally.

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? 

Honest opinion on @Elizard-Hamilton, the person who sent this ask: They’re super sweet and kind, and probably the first reciprocal tumblr friendship I’ve ever had.

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] 

Don’t know what that is, too drunk to figure it out right now.

9: Are you ticklish? 

God yes. But I retaliate. If you tickle me, you will die.

10: Are you allergic to anything? 

No, that’s the one medical thing that I don’t have.

11: What’s your sexuality? 

Hetero-Demi Sexual. So I like men, but I’m only sexually attracted to them if we’ve been close for a long time.

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? 

Cocoa, always. Specifically, Tim Hortons Hot Chocolate. Medium, 2 creams.

13: Are you a cat or dog person? 

Dog. Always.

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? 

I answered this one already, definitely merperson.

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? 

Nope.

16: How tall are you? 

See above.

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? 

I’d just add an L to my name. New name, pronounced the same.

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] 

Right now, 126 lbs. But I should be 110. I just got off a medication that made me gain 40 pounds practically overnight. I went from 100 pounds to 140 pounds. I’m slowing losing the weight.

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? 

Not in the traditional sense, but I do believe there are things about the departed we don’t yet understand. Kind of like way back when they though lightning was a supernatural event, until they found a scientific explanation for it. I think there’s stuff we just haven’t discovered yet.

20: Do you like space or the ocean more? 

Ocean.

21: Are you religious? 

Nope, athiest.

22: Pet peeves? 

Idk, I can’t think of any right now.

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? 

Wtf I don’t know? Who cares? I’d rather be whatever koalas are. They sleep 22 hours a day.

24: Favorite constellation? 

The only one I can think of right now is big dipper. That makes it my favourite and also my least favourite constellation.

25: Favorite star? 

See question 24, but North Star.

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? 

I don’t know what that is? Do you mean like Barbie? I litterally watching Barbie Nutcracker right now, lol.

27: Any phobias or fears? 

Spiders.

28: Do you think global warming is real? 

Duh.

29: Do you believe in reincarnation? 

No.

30: Favorite movie? 

Does Hamilton count? If yes, that. If not, Knives Out. I’m a sucker for a good murder mystery.

31: Do you get scared easily? 

Yes.

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 

Oh god. Idk. You’re going to make me do math on vacation. Lets see. 3 Dogs, 2 Cats, ungodly numbers of fish, 2 rats, 5 hermit crabs, 3 hamsters, probably others I can’t remember.

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] 

@elizard-hamilton 10/10. 5 stars. Thumbs up. Gold Star.

34: What is a color that calms you? 

Royal Purple. I used to have a bedroom where everything was royal purple. The walls, the furniture, the bedding, the accessories. Everything. It was a great time in my life, so the colour makes me think of good times.

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? 

I’d love to go to Belgium. My grandmother was born there, and we still have family over there that I’ve never met.

36: Where were you born? 

London Ontario

37: What is your eye color? 

Hazel

38: Introvert or extrovert? 

Introvert

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? 

Not at all

40: Hugs or kisses? 

None of the above. I have Asperger's, I don’t like to be touched.

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? 

I’d love to see my BFF from high school again. Haven’t talked to her since we graduated. Rachel, if you’re out there, I miss you.

42: Who is someone you love deeply? 

My parents.

43: Any piercings you want? 

None.

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? 

Nope. I don’t have anything against them, they’re just not for me. If you have them, I won’t think any less of you. There’s nothing wrong with them.

45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? 

Nope. I’ve already got really shitty lungs (I have Cystic Fibrosis), I’d rather not make them worse than they already are.

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! 

Oh gosh, he’s cute, funny, talented, a great singer, a great writer, he wrote a hit broadway musical... oh, he doesn’t count? Then no, no one right now.

47: What is a sound you really hate? 

Styrofoam rubbing against more styrofoam.

48: A sound you really love? 

The notification sound tumblr makes when I get something in my inbox

49: Can you do a backflip? 

HA no.

50: Can you do the splits? 

HA HA no.

51: Favorite actor and/or actress? 

Do I even need to answer this? I’m going to anyway. It’s..... drumroll........ Danny Devito! Lol, no, it’s Lin Manuel-Miranda

52: Favorite movie? 

This is the same as question 30.

53: How are you feeling right now? 

Drunk. Next question.

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? 

Purple. I used to have purple hair. Then I got older and got a real job and I’m not allowed to die my hair anymore.

55: When did you feel happiest? 

At 16, with my purple hair and purple bedroom and my bff in like grade 11

56: Something that calms you down? 

Hamilton

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] 

Asperger’s, Depression, situational anxiety.

58: What does your URL mean? 

Every time is Hamiltime. Because it’s always time for Hamilton.

59: What three words describe you the most? 

Bizarre, confrontational, idk. Is there a word that means unwilling to put up with anyone’s bullshit? Because if so, then that.

60: Do you believe in evolution? 

Yes. Evolution is a fact, it’s been proven. So this question should not say do you believe in evolution, it should say do you accept evolution.

61: What makes you unfollow a blog? 

If they start posting stuff i disagree with, or if they totally veer into a new fandom I’m not interested in. I’ve lost so many good blogs to kpop.

62: What makes you follow a blog? 

Idk, I like their stuff?

63: Favorite kind of person: 

Kind people.

64: Favorite animal(s): 

Pug.

65: Name three of your favorite blogs. 

I’m not going to start naming friends, cause I’ve got way more than three and I know I’m going to forget someone, so here’s 3 random blogs I enjoy: gmoringgnight, tinywhim, torsnavi

66: Favorite emoticon: 

I’m on my laptop, i don’t have emoticons right now, but probably the one where he’s crying laughing

67: Favorite meme: 

All of them. I love all the memes.

68: What is your MBTI personality type? 

I’m too drunk to remember right now, ask me tomorrow.

69: What is your star sign? 

Pisces

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? 

He cannot. He’s an idiot. But he can give you a high five, if that counts for something.

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? 

Leggings, T-Shirt, Hoodie. Whatever’s clean.

72: Post a selfie or two? 

No

73: Do you have platform shoes? 

No

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? 

I can solve a rubik’s cube

75: Can you do a front flip? 

LOL NO

76: Do you like birds? 

To look at, not to own or touch

77: Do you like to swim? 

Very much. In the water, it’s the one place my back doesn’t hurt.

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? 

Swimming. I don’t skate. I know, oh wow, a Canadian who can’t skate. Sue me.

79: Something you wish didn’t exist: 

Trump.

80: Some thing you wish did exist: 

Alex Clairmont-Diaz

81: Piercings you have? 

My ears are pierced.

82: Something you really enjoy doing: 

Reading

83: Favorite person to talk to: 

My mom

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? 

Amazing, finally a place I can be as weird as I want and it’s totally anonymous.

85: How many followers do you have? 

I have no idea.

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? 

HA no

87: Do your socks always match? 

Yes

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? 

When I was 14, they did a surgery where they put metal rods in my spine to keep it from growing crooked. My spine doesn’t bend at all. So I’ve never tried to touch my toes, but I’m going to go with no, I can’t.

89: What are your birthstones? 

I think Aquamarine? I don’t remember.

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? 

Koala. They sleep 22 hours a day.

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? 

I can’t think of any flowers right now beyond rose and tulip, and neither represent me. Is there a flower that’s really ugly? If so, that.

92: A store you hate? 

Gap. I despise that store with every escence of my being.

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? 

None. It tastes like manure.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? 

Ooh, fly. No more wheelchair.

95: Do you like to wear camo? 

I don’t think i particularly like or dislike it. I just don’t wear it.

96: Winter or summer? 

SUMMER ALL THE TIME

97: How long can you hold your breath for? 

Not long at all. See explanation above, r.e. Cystic Fibrosis

98: Least favorite person? 

Trump

99: Someone you look up to: 

My mom

100: A store you love? 

Hot Topic. Yes, I’m basic like that. 

101: Favorite type of shoes 

Flats, cause I don’t have to attempt to bend over to put them on.

102: Where do you live? 

Hamilton, Ontario, Canada. Yes, I’m serious.

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? 

Nope.

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? 

Wtf? Are people supposed to have a favourite mineral or gem?

105: Do you drink milk? 

No

106: Do you like bugs? 

No

107: Do you like spiders? 

NO

108: Something you get paranoid about? 

If I remembered to turn off my computer before I go to bed.

109: Can you draw: 

Nope

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? 

On a daily basis, people ask me why I use my scooter or my wheelchair. Every day. Not so much during the pandemic, but yeah.

111: A question you hate being asked? 

“When are you going to get a boyfriend?” “When are you going to settle down?” 

112: Ever been bitten by a spider? 

NOPE

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? 

Who doesn’t?

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? 

Cloudy, cause then I can stay indoors guilt-free

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: 

My dog. But he’s with my sister.

116: Favorite cloud type: 

???? Is this something I’m supposed to have an opinion on?????

117: What color do you wish the sky was? 

???? IDGAF ??????

118: Do you have freckles? 

No

119: Favorite thing about a person: 

Their laugh

120: Fruits or vegetables? 

Fruit

121: Something you want to do right now: 

Get another drink, but that’s probs not a great idea

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? 

Ocean

123: Sweet or sour foods? 

Sweet

124: Bright or dim lights? 

Dim

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? 

No

126: Something you hate about Tumblr: 

I can’t reblog ads. Some of those ads are really, REALLY funny.

127: Something you love about Tumblr: 

Completely anonymous. I could be anyone. For all you know, I’m actually Mike Pence. (I promise I’m not)

128: What do you think about the least? 

Idk? There’s probably lots of stuff I’ve never thought about at all

129: What would you want written on your tombstone? 

Nothing, but I want there to be a little machine on top that looks like a parking meter, and when you put money in it you get wifi for an hour.

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? 

Trump, most of the politicians in the states. I want to go to New York, and I can’t because y’all can’t get your shit together and kick this virus.

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? 

My face. Not going to elaborate.

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

Yes, but only because I get yelled at if I don’t.

133: Computer or TV? 

Computer.

134: Do you like roller coasters? 

I used to. Then the back surgery and now I can’t anymore.

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? 

Motion sickness no, seasickness yes.

136: Are your ears lobed or attached? 

Lobed.

137: Do you believe in karma? 

I believe that what you do will eventually come back to bite you in the ass, but I don’t believe in some cosmic force that balances the scales.

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? 

0. Not going to elaborate.

139: What nicknames do you have/have had? 

None. My name has always been Adele. The few people who tried to give me nicknames got shot down real quick.

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? 

When I was little, yeah

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? 

Yes ma’am. For over a decade.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? 

Both at different times.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? 

Giving. I never know what to say when receiving.

144: What makes you angry 

A lot of things these days. Can’t think of anything specific. My sister, usually.

145: How many languages do you speak fluently? 

Two. I speak French and English.

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? 

Boys.

147: Are you androgynous? 

Nope.

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: 

My face. Not going to elaborate.

149: Favorite thing about your personality: 

My “take no shit” attitude.

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. 

Lin Manuel Miranda, Renee Elise Goldsberry, anyone from West Wing

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? 

Revolutionary America

152: Do you like BuzzFeed? 

I’ve been known to partake.

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] 

Nope. I’m forever alone.

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? 

No. I have Asperger’s. No touching.

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? 

No.

156: What embarrasses you? 

When I need to ask for help for really simple things because of my wheelchair or other disabilities. I hate it.

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: 

The future, for reasons way too complex to write in a tumblr post.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told: 

I convinced half my second grade class I was related to Elton John once. That was fun. They believed it for like 3 months.

159: How many people are you following? 

Hundreds.

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 

I don’t even know how I would find that out.

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? 

Right now, I have 12, but that’s because I’ve queued up the next 4 days HamiltonHungerGames. Usually, I have none. I don’t understand how people have drafts. When I feel like writing something on tumblr, I start a post, I end the post, I post it. I never use drafts

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? 

??? Again, I have no idea how to find that information.

163: Last time you cried and why: 

I honestly don’t remember.

164: Do you have long or short hair? 

Usually long, but right now short. My mom decided to give me a covid haircut, and she does not understand the meaning of “Just a trim”.

165: Longest your hair has ever been: 

Down to my butt. 

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? 

Dislike. I’m not going to talk about it here, but if you’re really curious you can dm me.

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? 

Yes, because if we know where the universe and world came from, we can figure out where it’s headed. See the book Origins by Dan Brown.

168: Do you like to wear makeup? 

Not at all.

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? 

I can barely stand on my feet for more than 30 seconds.

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? 

Tried to.

Ok, this took me an hour and 45 minutes. I’m tired, I’m drunk, I’m going to regret this in the morning, I’m going to bed. Night y’all.

[1985keery]

✰ prompt list ✰

Hey!!!! So I love to write so I made a prompt list! If you want me to do a certain one, just message me this number(s) and person!! i do

- that 70s show

- stranger things

- jim halpert

- bbc sherlock

- + more!!!

anyway here are the prompts lol:

1. "I love that color on you"

2. "What could possibly go wrong"

3. "You haven't been yourself lately"

4. "My boyfriend is a basic white girl"

5. "Maybe I'm meant to be alone"

6. "Stop acting like you care!"

7. "What happened to you!"

8. "You don't sing anymore"

9. “It's 4 in the fucking morning"

10. "I'm dying!" "It's a sprained ankle"

11, "You promised me - you promised!"

12. "You don't know me at all"

13. "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO CUTE"

14. "I love you" "Why"

15. "You're so cheesy"

16. "I wish you could see yourself as I see you"

17. "Is that my skirt?"

18. "I see how you look at him"

19. *Cackling* "Stop, I'm gonna pee!"

20."Ya know what, I'm not even gonna ask"

21. "Your breath smells good"

22. "How would you know what that taste like?"

23. "Of course you were in marching band"

24. "You're mine, and I don't share"

25. "Okay, that one hurt, but I'll let it slide"

26. "You're so cute! Take your pants off"

27. "My work is important!" "And I'm not?"

28. "You'll catch me right?" "Always"

29. "We are not naming our child that"

30. "Stay here and don't move, I'll be right back"

31. "I don't even know who you are anymore!"

32. "It's not what it looks like"

33. "Take one more step and I snap her pretty little neck"

34. "Hey hey hey, I'm here, you're okay, you're safe"

35. "Please stop crying, it breaks my heart"

36. "Get down from there!"

37. "Don't be afraid, I'm here"

38. "Can you just hold me?"

39. "It was you and me against the world. The world won"

40. "Whatever you do, don't make a sound"

41. " I was angry, and she was available, and I'm so sorry"

42. "Stop it - you're scaring me"

43. "Do you still like me" "I married you"

44. "Man, you're whipped"

45. "You loved her. You loved her and it scared you and now she's gone"

46. "Psst, wake up"

47. "What are you gonna do about it"

48. "Shut up" "Make me"

49. "Just one more kiss"

50. "I have to go to work" "Nooooooooo"

51."Behave - we're in public"

52. "I don't want your pity"

53. "Are you okay" "Yeah" "You're bleeding" "Okay maybe I lied"

54. "That's what she said"

55. "Go upstairs and lock the door, okay? Don't come out unless I tell you"

56. "What the hell is that supposed to mean"

57. "You make my heart happy"

58. "I'm obsessed with that dimple"

59. "I think I've loved you since that first day"

60. "No takesies- backsies"

61. "You taste good"

62. "You are love in it's best form"

63. "Oh my sweet girl/boy, what have they done to you"

64. "You can't die on me, do you understand, you can't"

65. "Her angel eyes see the good in many devils"

66."This is illegal" "Yep"

67. "Well tell them to fuck off" "But that's mean!"

68. "You're so immature" "Your moms so immature"

69."You look so good tonight, baby"

70. "The worlds biggest badass can't handle a book where the dog dies"

71."We have each other, and that's enough"

72. "If you wanted a kiss you could've just asked"

73. "Stop biting your lip"

74. "You knew how important this was to me"

75. "I'm out of second chances"

76. "I can do whatever I want, we're not dating, remember?"

77. "I'm just one of your many booty calls"

78. "I would give you the world if I could"

79. "Ew, I look gross"

80. "I don't want you to get sick!"

81. "People are staring at us"

82. "I'll always be here, no matter what"

83. "You can get closer, you know"

84. "Can you sit still"

85. "You have the mentality of a toddler"

89. "You p-promised you-you-you wouldn't let them h-hurt mmmm me"

90. "That's my girl"

91. "I'm fine" "Don't do this" "Really, I'm fine" "Let me help you!"

92. "Stop cursing" "Fuck you"

93. "You're cute when you blush"

94."Are - are you jealous?"

95. "What are you doing?" "My best"

96. "Puppy dog eyes don't work on- Fine"

97. "Are you okay?" "I wanna be"

98. "I won this for you"

99. "It's watching me" "What is" "That plushie"

100. "I'm coming to get you, okay? Just stay there"

101. "If we get out of here alive, I'm gonna kill you"

102. "Come in, lunch is ready"

103. "I'm gonna try to lose a few pounds" "Please don't your stomach is the comfiest pillow"

104. "I've been waiting for you for over 6 hours"

105. "Hey, weird question, but why is the kitchen on fire?"

106. "Mmm nope, it's naptime"

107. "Did you eat my leftovers?"

108. "Wow! I was not prepared for that"

109. *Sees a moose* "That's a weird looking cow"

110. "Hello, my love" "What's up fucker"

111. "Don't make me be alone again"

112. "Oh, my apologies, I didn't realize you ruled the world"

113. "You get super clingy when you're drunk"

114. "I can't believe you fell for that"

115. "What the hell is that?" "That's my new best friend"

116. "I hate that I'm still in love with you"

117. "You are gorgeous, love, don't ever doubt that"

118. "I never wanna let you go"

119. "You make me feel all warm inside"

120. "Just go to sleep darling, I'll be right here when you wake up"

121. "C'mere, you can sit on my lap until I'm done working"

122. "You're the best pillow"

123. "Stop messing with your IV"

124. "I thought you were gone" "You can't get rid of me that easily"

125. "It should've been me"

126. "Kiss me"

127. "Open this door before I break it down"

128. "Were you ever gonna tell me?"

129. "I saw that. You just checked me out"

130. "Nothing could make me stop loving you"

131. "I'm not special. I'm quite boring, really"

132. "Feels good, huh?"

133. "You're an angel"

134. "Did you just smack my butt with a rubber chicken?"

135. "Do you think we should just stop... this"

136. "Do you really believe that"

137. "It'd make sense why you like her more than me. I mean, she's smarter, prettier, funnier, she's perfect"

138. "Do you miss him?" "He absolutely shattered me" "But do you miss him?" "Yes"

139. "I want an answer, damn it!"

140. "Do you regret it?"

141. "This is why we can't have nice things"

142. "I never stood a chance, did I?"

143. "You broke my heart and all you can say is sorry?"

144. "You don't have to hide anymore"

145. "You never cease to amaze me"

146. "See you in the next life, my love"

147. "Are you even listening to me right now?!"

148. "I can't do this anymore"

149. "This was a mistake"

150. "Shut up! Just - Just shut up!"

151. "You deserve so much better"

152. "Whose ass do I have to kick?"

153. "I worked so hard to be where I am now and I'm not gonna let someone take that away from me"

154. "Pack your shit and go"

155. "You'll be the death of me"

156. "I don't need protecting"

157. "I am fully convinced you never graduated kindergarten"

158. "Go then, leave! See if I care!'

159.  "If you haven't noticed, I'm fucked up"

160. "You reek of alcohol"

161. "Don't talk, keep your strength"

162. "I broke my rules for you"

163. "She may seem like rainbows and sunshine, but I bet behind closed doors she's latex and whips"

164. "How bad do you want to find out?"

165. "You look great in my shirt"

166. "You'll regret this when you're sober"

167. "You look cute with bed head"

168."Mmmm, you're warm"

169. "It was only a nightmare"

170. "It's not bad to cry.  In fact, I think it makes a person stronger"

[myhauntedsalem]

23 Parents Describe Their Kids’ Creepy Imaginary Friends

1. He doesn’t have a face

“My son from the age of three always tells me about the ‘creeper man’ who lives in my mom and dad’s bedroom. He brings it up after he visits them. I made the mistake once of asking what he looks like. My son said ‘Oh, he doesn’t have a face.’”

2. “You’ll get used to killing”

“A parent of one of my students told us in a meeting that she was concerned because her son (7 years old) talked about an invisible ghost who would talk to him and play with him in his room. He said the ghost was called The Captain and was an old white guy with a beard. The kid would tell his mom that The Captain told him when he grows up his job will be to kill people, and The Captain would tell him who needed to be killed. The kid would cry and say he doesn’t want to kill when he grows up, but The Captain tells him he doesn’t have a choice and he’ll get used to killing after a while.”

3. Little girl ghost

“When my daughter was three she had an imaginary friend named Kelly who lived in her closet. Kelly sat in a little rocking chair while she slept, played with her, etc. Typical imaginary friend shit. Anyway, fast forward two years later, the wife and I are watching the new Amityville Horror (the one with Ryan Renolds) and our daughter walks out right when the dead girl goes all black eyed. Far from being disturbed she said ‘That looks like Kelly.’ ‘Kelly who?’ we say. ‘You know the dead girl that lived in my closet.’”

4. Bad rabbit

“My cousin, when she was 5, and I was 17, had a stuffed rabbit that she talked to and carried everywhere. One day she was asleep on the couch while I was watching her, and she woke up and started yelling at her rabbit for no reason. One minute she was knocked out, the next, she’s awake, glaring at her rabbit, yelling, ‘No! You can’t do that! That’s bad! Don’t do it!’ I asked her what was wrong, tried to get her to stop, but she wouldn’t listen. I finally just took the rabbit up to her room, and when I came back down she was asleep on the couch again. Fuck whatever that rabbit was planning on doing.”

5. Roger won’t be around anymore…

“My little brother’s imaginary friend, Roger, lived under our coffee table. Roger had a wife and nine kids. Roger and his family lived peacefully alongside us for three years. One day, my little brother announced that Roger wouldn’t be around anymore, since he shot and killed him and his whole family. I don’t know if he remembers any of this, but his genuine lack of remorse was very disturbing.”

6. A boy in the tree

“My folks’ farm surrounds a cemetery, and my dad and my niece were walking down there. My niece (4) looks up and says, ‘What’s that boy doing up in that tree?’ There was no boy, but she insisted there was and could describe him.”

7. The bunny man

“When I was 16, I babysat twins who were in the third grade at the time. They always spoke of a man in an Easter Bunny costume, and they were terrified of him. One day I was babysitting, and one twin was in the shower. His brother and I were sitting downstairs watching television when all of the sudden, he said, ‘You need to go check on Matt.’ Seconds later, Matt yelled, ‘He’s in here!!! He’s in here!!!’ I ran upstairs, and I had to check every room before he would calm down. I’m not sure which part of the experience freaked me out the most.”

8. Poor Shaggy

When my mom was younger she had an imaginary friend named Shaggy. When she was finished with Shaggy, she ‘chopped him up and put him in the fridge.’”

9. “Smash Daddy’s head”

“When my brother was just learning how to talk he grabbed one of those small toy hammers and crawled onto the sofa where my dad was sleeping. He then leant in close and whispered one of his first sentences… ‘Smash daddy’s head’ right into his ear.”

10. Dark angels

When my brother was little he acted like he had angels talking to him every second. One day my mom overheard him say, ‘I can’t kill him! He’s my only dad!’”

11. “That’s the man”

“My daughter used to tell me about a man who came into her room every night and put the sign of the cross on her forehead. I thought it was just a dream. Then my mother-in-law sent over some family photos. My daughter looked right at the picture of my husband’s father (who has been dead for 16 years) and said ‘That’s the man who comes into my room at night!’ My husband later told me his father would always do the sign of the cross on his forehead when he was young.”

12. Message from beyond

“My wife and I overheard my two-year-old daughter on the baby monitor wake up on Saturday morning and say, ‘What? OK I’ll tell her.’ She then got up, came into our bedroom, and told my wife, ‘Mary says you’re doing a good job.’ Mary was her grandmother that she was extremely close to that passed away.”

13. I called him Spooky Guy

“As a kid, I said that my imaginary friend was a ghost. I called him Spooky Guy and said he died in the garage of the house on the hill behind ours. I even came up with his death. He was a 16 year old who got in a car crash and walked to that house to ask to use their phone (died in the 70’s). The person lived there grabbed him and sexually abused him there and killed him. He was my imaginary friend as far back as I can remember. This scared my mom so much that she tried to look up records to see if that happened and got me a therapist.”

14. Icy wants me to tell you it will be tonight

“In high school one of my best friends had a little sister who was five or six years old. One day we stopped by his place, completely high, because he needed to get his Magic cards. While waiting for him to come downstairs his sister came up to me and said, ‘Icy told me to ask you if you know when you’re going to die.’”

I laughed nervously: morbid question, right? But I knew all about Icy, her imaginary friend. I even helped her draw a picture of him once. So I played along and said, ‘No, of course not! No one knows that. Hopefully when I’m very old.’

The girl shook her head sadly and said, ‘No, Icy wants me to tell you it’ll be tonight.’ And with that, she just walked away.”

15. It is the punishment

“I was seventeen and babysitting a friend of the family’s six-year-old boy. He’d been in bed a couple of hours and I just peeked in to check on him. He wasn’t in the bed and when I opened the door, I saw he was standing in the corner, facing the wall. creepiest fucking thing ever. I asked him what he was doing and all he did was turn around, smile, and put his finger to his lips as if to say ‘shhh.’ I asked him again what he was doing and all he says is, ‘Leave us. It is the punishment.’”

16. Keep kicking

“My grandfather had a camp on Lake Dering in New Hampshire when I was a kid. One day when I was 6 or so, I fell off of the dock and into the water. I couldn’t swim. While under, I distinctly remember seeing a little girl down there who told me to look up towards the sun and just keep kicking and I’d be fine. I swam to the surface just in time for my grandfather to swoop me up and pull me back on the dock.”

17. Nope

“When my boy was 4, his imaginary friend would sit in the corner of the room when you switched off the lights and light the room with red glowing eyes.”

18. They were both dead

“Kid I used to babysit had imaginary friends. They were dead. One had no head. One was an old lady. They were both bloody. The one with no head had insides sticking out of his neck.

I didn’t ask him questions about them because fuck that.”

19. Tracy

“When my niece was about 4 she had an imaginary friend, which I don’t remember the name of. She would blame things she did on this imaginary friend but also talked about how this friend would watch Scooby Doo with her. One day I thought, ‘Why don’t I find out more about this friend?’ So I asked her to tell me about her friend. And she said, ‘She’s a she and she’s dead.’ And I said, ‘Does she have a job?’ And she said, ‘She does what my daddy does!’ Which is that her imaginary friend was a cop. So then I said, ‘Where is your imaginary friend a police woman at?’ And she said, ‘Right next I to where my daddy is a policeman.’ But then she said, ‘I met her when I was in my mummy’s belly. She touched it when I was inside.’

A few months before my niece was born my cousin Tracy had died. She was hit by a train. She loved watching Scooby Doo and had a ton of memorabilia. She was also a cop. She was a cop in the town that is right next to the one my brother-in-law is a cop in, my niece’s ‘daddy.’ My niece’s imaginary friend was my dead cousin. There is no other way she could have known all that at the age of 4.”

20. “That’s why I don’t like water now”

“When my kid was 4, we were watching a documentary on the Titanic. The scene was a picture of the schematics of the boiler room and the camera panned from left to right over the plans. He pointed at the TV and said, ‘That’s wrong. The boilers were on the other side. And I was right here.’ And he pointed to a small space in the boiler room. ‘That’s where I was. And that’s why I don’t like water now.’”

21. Emily

“When my sister was probably about 6 or 7, she had an imaginary friend named Emily. She told us Emily lived in her closet, wore an old black dress, and had long dark hair and she was the same age as my sister. My sister played with Emily constantly. My parents started noticing my sister acting weird. Just sitting in the middle of her room whispering to Emily quite a bit and acting a lot more distant towards them. I remember a very specific day, my brother was walking by her room and my sister was sitting in the middle of her room….but she turned around and hissed at him. He was scared shitless. He told me it didn’t even look like my sister. My parents ran up to her room and I could hear my sister just screaming and screaming.”

“I have no idea what happened in that room but I ran to the bottom of my stairs and the screaming stopped, I saw my parents holding my sister crying their eyes out, she was sobbing as well. I’ve asked her about it today. She’s 24 now. She told me that Emily used to tell her to do horrible things to herself. She actually used to wake up on the roof and not remember how she got there. I’m not kidding. Apparently Emily absolutely hated my parents so she turned my sister against them. She hates talking about it so I never brought up that specific night. This all happened at my old house. When we moved into a different house, Emily was gone. I’m not making any of this up. My sisters little friend was a really big deal to my family and messed things up for a long time. I’m just relieved we left that house.”

22. She floated above his bed at night

“When my younger brother was around 4, he had an imaginary friend named Victoria Meadowbrooke. He told us that she was the prettiest girl ever and she floated above his bed a night.”

23. “The Evil is coming”

“When my older daughter was two or three, she used to have a couple of imaginary friends, Dodo and DeeDee. They were typical imaginary friends. She would talk to them and play with them, and tell me about their lives. Then one day, when she was about three, she was talking on her play phone when I walked into the room. She hung up her phone and said to me (with a completely flat voice and deadpan expression): ‘The Evil is coming.’”