#it's a bit too ~gritty for my tastes but I get the impression it's also a bit vague about freedom over material historical politics | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

almorica · 2 years

Text

I did this elsewhere, so I’ll add it here too. here’s a VN/adventure game rec list even if my taste is often at odds with critics and popular consensus alike. I live to be contrary (derogatory).

after the first few of “made a significant impression on me recently” titles, it’s in no special order. contains a lot of horror and mystery, from 12+ to 18+ titles, and from free to paid. if you’re interested in one but want some specific content warnings, I can offer that.

Death Mark is my favorite of the last 4 years. let’s go ghost hunting with a cursed cast of mainly adults! really good, intense and graphic supernatural horror (18+). it’s on multiple systems and steam (but you get more save files on the PS systems. I have like 30 save files on my Vita). there are good LPs if you get curious!

Spirit Hunter: NG is a sequel to Death Mark with a different cast, so you could easily play one and not the other. the focus is on the older teenager characters this time, and everyone’s shady but sympathetic somehow. also intense supernatural horror (18+) and on multiple systems! (same save file consideration applies.)

the most recent addition to the List is MAMIYA - A Shared Illusion of the World’s End. it's a depressing but kind of cathartic tale without being even remotely as graphic as the first two (I’d recommend 16+). a mature and stable mindset is key to enjoying it. it's still kiiiiind of supernatural horror but largely psychological. no fun(?) ghost hunting. available for PC.

Hashihime of the Old Book Town is quite a bit like MAMIYA, but more suspense focused. explicitly M/M with a cast age 20+. mostly about the mystery/psychological/horror aspects, however. if you connect to any of these characters, it will hurt.

across languages, it's already on PC on multiple sites, Vita (JP only), and in JP/CN/EN for Switch! 18+ except for Switch, which cuts some content.

Lux-Pain is a 2008 DS title involving people with powers fighting mind parasites. ALSO a mystery revolving around heavy topics like dark states of mind (13+ official rating). canon queer, but awkward about it.

you're better off playing this in JP if you can read it, because the EN localization was poor, but sometimes you Love It Anyway (me).

Kara no Shoujo, a very dark and gritty murder mystery. 18+ in multiple respects; available on PC. fascinating if you like experiencing unflinchingly twisted and challenging storylines, otherwise you should /really/ give it a pass. I am serious.

the protagonist, while ultimately trying to be a good person, is really morally not. a reprehensible man only overshadowed by the ones killing people, lol. nobody’s really likeable, but I found it an interesting look into the potential darkness in people’s hearts.

Fatal Twelve, another teen-friendly title. Is it still a Death Game if you're already dead? a F/F VN (mostly plot-focused) with a wonderfully imperfect and sympathetic love interest. it involves some questionable stereotypes of the characters from nations outside Japan, but the fucked up American is justified tbh. available on PC, switch, and PS4.

Lake of Voices, a free survival horror-type game. great atmosphere and a wlw romance option. difficult, but satisfying to 100%. available on PC.

Trace Memory/Another Code: Two Memories. my first VN-type mystery/puzzle game! cing was a total gateway into all this. it's only a few hours long, but the music is excellent and the story is poignant. available on the DS.

Psychedelica of the Black Butterfly: also a tragic mystery grappling with grief! my fav Vita game after the Spirit Hunters. Incredible somber atmosphere and beautiful art that I think about a lot. also available on PC.

I've mostly seen people criticize this one and love the second in the series (Ashen Hawk). but after playing the second, I can only recommend it if you want to see a game speedrun getting as boldly problematic as possible (it is kind of entertaining how comparatively Wild it gets).

Zero Escape: 999 and VLR (The Nonary Games): actually pretty popular. 999 is top notch horror, and VLR top notch sci-fi. I played them both on 3/DS, but they have other options, like PC and mobile and vita. 18+ for graphic gore and violence.

there's a 3rd (ZTD), but I have a wide definition of Visual Novel and it still doesn't fit. it is also not Good in actual story quality like the first two, but the bloody horror is a fun time.

Hatoful Boyfriend: romance birds! have a weird time that only gets weirder! multiple systems? PC for sure.

Theresia: Dear Emile: a DS horror game that's mostly puzzle/adventure, but unfolds the story VN-style. A lot like a more relaxed Amnesia TDD with no chasers, but a lot of inanimate objects will hurt you. (major cw: parental abuse. recommended for 18+)

playing Theresia when I was younger solidified SO much of what I've loved in horror games ever since. I've replayed it enough to have many puzzle solutions memorized.

Neighbor: short, sweet, old-fashioned supernatural horror VN. the subject matter can be heavy, but it's not particularly adult. available on PC.

Cinderella Phenomenon: free fairy tale-based otome game that still took me 30 hours. while not sugary sweet, the most chill of the entire list.

the main dealbreaker might be that there's a step-brother route (and it’s weird in how it goes about it even if that's /not/ a trigger for you), but you can avoid it and still clear everyone else.

Root Letter: mystery game with a complex adult cast. a good balance of chill music + setting and suspense. 24 hrs playtime for me; a great game to pick up on sale.

the protagonist is not afraid to be seriously, verbally MEAN (like about someone's weight) to get them to talk, which you may want to consider if you’re not in the mood to play that kind of person. on many systems, depending on what language you want to play in.

Without a Voice: short free F/F VN (I clocked in 3 hours). a bit supernatural, a bit horror-y, all visually beautiful. available on PC.

Shin Hayarigami 1+2: intense horror VNs on the graphic level of Spirit Hunter or higher (18+). mostly only JP, but the first chapter of 1 is localized for mobile, and a bit more is available in translated LPs.

another one you play as a godawful person (this time a mean policewoman). I find all kinds of protagonists can be interesting to read!

Hotel Dusk: excellent mystery puzzle/adventure/VN for the DS, and a lot of people would agree. the protagonist is an endearing middle aged guy who is easily pleased by paperclips.

the second one (Last Window) is all right. I've played it twice and still cannot remember a thing about the new characters or story. kind of impressive.

anyhow, do hotel dusk for them?

#text #I'm not putting a bunch of periods everywhere to censor names for search so sorry if this ends up in one and you don't like it #also it's possible some of these are on systems I'm not aware of. you might find one on something else!

12 notes · View notes

bittysvalentines · 4 years

Text

Careful Fear and Dead Devotion

To: @happyzimm

From: @doggernaut /RabbitRunnah

Rating: T, for mentions of alcohol.

Relationship: Jack Zimmermann/Eric Bittle

Characters: Jack Zimmermann, Eric Bittle, Bad Bob Zimmermann, Kent Parson, original child character

Tags: Jack Zimmermann, Zimbits, Jack Zimmermann character study

Happy Valentine’s Day, @happyzimm! I hope you enjoy this little Jack Zimmermann character study. I tried to incorporate some of the other things you asked for as well.

Jack Zimmermann is five years old, and his feet don’t touch the ground.

He’s sitting in a hard, plastic chair at a table for two while Papa waits in line to order doughnuts. There are two Papas in this doughnut shop — the one standing in line, and the one on the poster behind the counter.

The Papa in line is wearing his home clothes: jeans, a t-shirt, running shoes. The Papa on the wall is wearing work clothes — his Pens jersey but not his helmet — and holding a doughnut decorated with black and yellow sprinkles.

Even though the real Papa’s back is turned to him, it feels like he’s watching Jack.

When Maman takes him to get doughnuts after his swim lesson she always takes him to the shop across the street from the rec center, the one with yellow tables and the smiling man behind the counter who always hands Jack his chocolate old-fashioned doughnut and cinnamon sugar doughnut hole before he orders. The one that does not have a picture of Papa on the wall.

But Maman is working in California — Jack has never been to California, but he knows it’s a place people go to work, because Papa goes there too — so Papa had to take Jack to his swim lesson today. Papa doesn’t know Maman always takes Jack to the other doughnut shop, and when he told Papa this is the wrong one it was too late. They were already here.

The boy behind the counter is much younger than the man who works at the other doughnut shop. He must be friends with Papa because he greets him by name and talks to him longer than he talked to the other people in line. Papa knows a lot of people.

“Told you that wouldn’t take long, Jacky.” Papa sets a sprinkle doughnut with white icing on a paper napkin in front of Jack and opens his chocolate milk for him.

Jack frowns and picks at the black and yellow sprinkles on the doughnut. He doesn’t like the colors, or the way they feel in his teeth when he chews them.

“What’s wrong?” Papa asks. “Not hungry?”

Jack is hungry. He’s always hungry after his swim lesson. He picks off a teeny tiny piece of doughnut — a part that isn’t touching white icing or colored sprinkles — and sticks it in his mouth. He eats the entire cake part of the doughnut this way while Papa eats his maple bar and an apple fritter. When he’s finished, all that’s left is a ring of sticky icing and sprinkles.

“All finished?” Papa asks when he notices Jack is no longer eating. “Do you want another?”

Jack thinks. It would be rude to ask for another doughnut, but Papa is offering. “Can I have chocolate?” he asks.

“Hey, Paulie!” Papa’s voice is loud in the mostly-empty shop as he waves to get the attention of the guy behind the counter. “Can I get a chocolate doughnut for my boy?”

Paulie comes around to their table and hands the doughnut to Jack. Jack whispers a “thank you” as Papa hands Paulie some money and tells him to “keep the change.” He winks and smiles, and it’s the same smile as the Papa on the poster behind the counter.

Jack takes a bite of the new doughnut and chews. The chocolate is rich and sweet. He takes another bite and swings his legs as Papa smiles at him.

ii.

Jack is 18, and he is so close to having it all.

“Drink up!”

The bottle Kent presses into Jack’s hand is cold and smooth except for the label, damp and wrinkled from condensation. Jack doesn’t like these parties and he doesn’t like the taste of alcohol. It burns on the way down and tastes like spite, a bitter, caustic thing that burns inside of him whenever Papa offhandedly remarks that Kent just might go first. Jack doesn’t like the way that feels, or the way he feels for feeling that way. But he likes the way he feels after a few beers, the way it makes him loose and brave. Kent says it makes him more fun. So Jack takes a pull of his beer and grimaces, quickly twisting his mouth into a smile when he catches Kent glancing his way.

One beer makes Jack loose enough that his smile comes more easily.

Two beers and the world starts to shimmer around the edges, suffusing everything with a nice haze that makes him feel buoyant and bold. When he’s on the ice he feels loose and free, not heavy and grounded the way he feels as soon as he removes his skates. On the ice he does the right things and the words come easily; people smile and cheer his name. Two beers in and Jack feels closer to the way he feels on the ice, his ever-present anxiety and self-consciousness fading into something palatable.

Three beers is the magic number. He can laugh at jokes made at his expense about that shot he missed and flirt with the girls who somehow always know where the team is partying. With three beers in him, Jack’s hand can find Kent’s in the dark and he doesn’t worry that he’s not really this brave. He doesn’t worry about any of it.

“Zimms! There’s girls here!” Rusty, yelling from the other side of the room, is anything but subtle. Though these girls, with their loud, exaggerated laughter, don’t seem like they value subtlety anyway. One of them catches his eye, a small blonde who doesn’t look away when Jack catches her staring.

Jack runs his thumb back and forth over the smooth label, wearing away a patch in the center. Bits of paper bead up and cling to it, turn gritty under his thumb. When he tries to brush them away they just stick to him.

“Awww, is Zimms gonna score again? Score on the ice, score off the ice, is that how it works?”

“Shut up.” Jack elbows Kent.

“Make me.”

Jack swallows hard, suddenly remembering exactly what he did to make Kent shut up last night, and the night before. He can’t do this right now. He shouldn’t do this ever. The one thing that matters, the only thing that matters, according to Jack’s father, is THE DRAFT.

That’s how he thinks of it, in all caps.

Tonight when Jack counted out his pills, there were seven missing. He doesn’t know how it happened. He’s good with numbers, at knowing the score at all times. He remembers the shots he made and the shots he missed, keeps a running tally in his head. He memorizes stats. Not just his, but those of every first round draft pick of the last five years, and those of every guy who has even been mentioned as a first round pick this year. He is constantly calculating his odds.

Jack is good with numbers. How has he lost track of the pills he’s taken?

Somebody pries the beer bottle, now warm, from Jack’s hand and replaces it with a new one. Jack didn’t even realize he’d finished the first. Jack takes another drink.

He is so close to having it all, and he is so close to losing it all.

*****

iii

Jack is 24, and when he swiftly pays for Bittle’s coffee, telling his teammate he’s “good for it,” he realizes he is. It’s not just that he can afford it because he’s about to sign an NHL contract. It’s also because Bittle is his friend, and Jack enjoys doing nice things for his friends.

Somehow, and Jack still cannot explain how though he suspects it has a bit to do with Bittle’s own grit and generosity, Bittle has become one of Jack’s best friends.

Checking practice, a morning workout that it turns out they both needed, isn’t really necessary anymore. These days, the early ice time with Bittle is just an excuse for an extra workout. Sometimes they even goof off more than they practice, a concept Jack would have found sacrilegious a year ago. They race each other around the rink, skating faster and faster until their breath comes in aching gasps. Or Bittle will pull out a jump, tentative and imprecise. “I know it’s not impressive,” Bittle says self-deprecatingly, “but just imagine if I had my figure skates.”

Bittle is wrong. Jack is very impressed. Somehow those words catch in his throat when he tries to voice them so he just nods.

Afterward, they get coffee. Jack drinks his black and bitter. “Like your soul,” Bittle once joked. Jack used to think that was true, but now he thinks that maybe he’s softened. More and more, he feels the way Bittle’s milky latte looks: lighter, cooler, sweeter.

Jack takes a sip of Bittle’s latte by accident and ... it’s not unpleasant. There’s an underlying smoky sweetness Jack’s own black coffee is missing, a richness that makes him yearn for a second sip before he hands it back. It’s not the worst thing.

“Good?” Bittle asks, eager and expectant, like Jack’s answer will reveal the secrets of the universe.

“It’s not disappointing,” Jack concedes.

“Well, for five dollars I should think not!” Bittle scoffs as they head back out into the cold.

Bittle wears gloves in 40 degrees and pulls his toque down low over his ears, and sometimes Jack catches himself wondering what it would be like if he could provide that warmth. He decides, when Bitty gives him a friendly hip check, that maybe he’s getting there.

*****

Jack is still 24, and he’s in what his boyfriend just called “Southern-Fried Hell.”

Okay, not really. Objectively, Bitty’s MooMaw’s place isn’t bad at all. It’s the fact that he’s here, sweating profusely and trying to politely choke down a plate of terrible coleslaw, while every single Bittle and Phelps in the state of Georgia attempts to engage in polite conversation when all he wants to do is find a private corner where he can make out with Bitty.

Jack doesn’t even like coleslaw. It’s slimy and stringy and this particular coleslaw is oddly sweet yet somehow bitter and acidic at the same time. There’s pepper in it? Pepper, and something gritty that might be sugar or possibly dirt. Jack hopes it’s sugar.

From the other side of the yard, Bitty catches his eye and hides a smile behind a slice of watermelon as Jack explains his upcoming training schedule to some uncle or cousin or neighbor. He’s been introduced to so many people today, and it’s exhausting. Jack genuinely wants to get to know Bitty’s family, but he also wants Bitty, and only one of those things is possible at the moment.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Bitty laughs as he cards his fingers through Jack’s hair later that night. “You did not have to eat Aunt Connie’s coleslaw. Bless her heart, she tries, but we all stopped pretending we liked it years ago.”

“I wanted to be polite,” Jack says. “Make a good first impression. My parents always made me try a little of everything at their parties.”

Bitty’s face does something complicated, a look equal parts pity and irritation. “Jack. I promise you nobody in this family is gonna think less of you because you don’t eat Aunt Connie’s coleslaw, or Uncle Hank’s ribs, or Judy’s potato salad. I’m not gonna think less of you. It’s enough that you’re here.”

Bitty presses a little closer to Jack, and Jack’s body registers every point of skin-on-skin contact: elbows, hands, thighs, calves. Bitty’s bare foot where it tangles with Jack’s. It feels like there’s an electric current running through each point, vibrating at a frequency only they can feel.

Or it could just be the humidity. Georgia in July is really fucking humid.

Overhead, the fireworks show is starting, far enough away that they can see but not hear the spectacle.

“Promise me,” Bitty says, corners of his mouth quirking upward, “that next year you’ll skip the coleslaw.”

It should feel scary, to make that promise when this is still so new, but Jack can clearly see the years spooling out ahead of them, years of avoiding Aunt Connie’s coleslaw and making small talk with the strangers he met today until they’re no longer strangers.

“Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Bitty sighs happily and rests his head on Jack’s chest, a pleasant weight that reminds Jack of everything he’s found since the day he lost it all.

*****

Jack is 36, and some days he feels every day of it. His shoulders and knees ache more often than not, especially when a four-year old is perched on top of those aching shoulders. When they walk into Bitty’s shop he gently lifts Evie from his shoulders and sets her down in front of the bakery case so she can look at the day’s treats.

“Chocolate old-fashioned?” Bitty’s sliding the doughnut across the counter before Jack orders. He knows his husband. Never once, in all the time he’s owned this shop, has Jack ordered one of the novelty doughnuts he keeps on the menu even though there’s nothing really “novelty” about Skittles or Hot Cheetos on top of a doughnut these days. They’re a holdover from the previous owner, who made his name creating Instagrammable confections. Bitty’s taken his original recipes in a different direction, experimenting with natural food dyes and delicate floral infusions. His creations have gotten some attention in local foodie circles, but most people come in for the classics.

Jack still doesn’t eat sprinkle doughnuts. The sprinkles, even the organic ones Bitty uses, still stick in his teeth and make them feel funny. But Evie loves sprinkle doughnuts. She especially loves it when her daddy hands one to her and takes a break to sit with them while she eats it.

“How was your swim lesson, sweetheart?” Bitty asks, a soft sigh escaping as he sits for what is probably the first time all morning. Jack listens to the two chatter happily as he picks at his own doughnut, chewing slowly.

Jack remembers sitting in a shop like this with his own mother, and — occasionally — his father. He and Maman would stop at the doughnut shop across from his swim lesson for “a little treat,” as she liked to call it. They always went to that one instead of the chain shop Papa had an endorsement deal with; it was a long time before Jack realized Maman intentionally chose the smaller shop because of its anonymity.

“That’s Papa.” Evie points at the poster on the wall behind Bitty, at a smiling Jack holding a cake doughnut topped with sprinkles, Falcs blue and yellow. After the last Cup Bitty had the idea to recreate the advertisement Bad Bob did years ago, and with time Jack agreed that it could be fun. Somehow, the photographer managed to capture Jack at the exact moment he saw Bitty and Evie walk in. Bitty says it’s the most natural photo Jack has ever taken.

“That is your papa,” Bitty says. “Remember, we took the pictures together and talked about how we were going to put the one of just Papa up here in the shop because his team won the Cup? How does he look?”

Evie take a bite, swallows as she tilts her head and considers the Jack on the wall. Suddenly, he recalls with perfect clarity what it felt like to be four or five and see another version of his father in a public space. The way it made him feel proud and shy and scared for reasons he couldn’t articulate.

“Happy,” Evie finally declares, swinging her legs and beaming up at her fathers. “I think he looks happy.”

#bv2020 #bittyjack #bitty's valentines #omg check please!

107 notes · View notes

venusmages · 3 years

Text

Cyberpunk 2077 non-spoiler review

Anyways here’s my writeup about my least favorite parts of 2077 for people who are interested in seeing if it’s for them. Both going to talk about content as well as gameplay. This is for PC version, too, because I know last gen consoles are suffering terribly rn and I wouldn’t recommend the game if you’re not going to be playing on PC. At least not until it’s on sale or the issues have been resolved. It really, really shouldn’t have been released on last gen consoles at all in my opinion - or at least should’ve been released on consoles LATER.

If you like Saints Row, GTA, Mass Effect, Shadowrun, or the Cyberpunk genre in general - I definitely think this is something you might want to take a peek at! I wasn’t anticipating the game until about a month or two before release - so maybe that’s why I’m having a blast - but It’s one of my favorite stories from the past decade as far as sci-fi goes. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, and It’s really impressed me. I can’t even go into detail about all the things I LOVE because I really want folks to experience it themselves. Just know there’s a very intricately detailed world, all the characters are memorable and insanely well realized and complex, and the story is great fun. Also made me cry like 5 times. It’s become one of my FAVORITE games very quickly.

I’d also recommend Neon Arcade if you want someone who’s been covering the game for quite a while, including the technical and game industry aspect. He does well to go into some detail and even though he’s a fan, I’ve found him to be largely unbiased. I’m not going to go into industry politics here because I feel that’s up for everyone to decide on their own terms.

No spoilers, things to keep in mind, content warnings, etc. below!

CONTENT WARNINGS and issues with plot/story

this setting is dark. very dark. if you struggle stomaching things like dystopian landscapes, body horror, physical, mental and sexual abuse, corporate and gang violence, abuse of children, harsh language, and concepts that mess with the perception of reality - this game might not be for you. It’s a very mature setting, and I don’t mean that in the Adult Swim kind of way. I mean it in the ‘oh shit, it went there’ way. In my opinion I haven’t run across anything in it that was handled distastefully when it dipped into the depressing, but dark and gritty isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and I wanted to give a disclaimer.

The game’s universe in advertising and working for the lower class also exploits sex/sex work quite a bit. This is part of the lore itself because in this universe everyone’s become desensitized to sex and violence to the point that marketing embraces it and makes it ridiculous. I feel it’s very obvious that it doesn’t condone this message and is instead a commentary on consumerism - but people still might be uncomfortable seeing a lot of suggestive stuff all over the place regardless.

Women in game are naked more often than men - even though there is nudity for both. This is likely a mix of appealing to the Gamer Boy demographic (even though the story does NOT actually), or the fact that media is way more cool with seeing naked women than seeing full frontal nudity on men. They probably had to tone some of it down to avoid going above an M rating.

The story is amazing, but sometimes it dumps a lot onto you at once. It’s one of those sci-fi stories that you have to really be following the names, faces, and concepts continually to get it all down. There’s a lot of betrayal, background players, etc. I think by the mid-way point I’d mostly had it, but It’s pretty dense. However it’s still amazing. You might just need two playthroughs before every tiny detail clicks - because there’s a LOT of details.

Honestly I think it would help to read up on the lore first so you’re not going ‘what’ constantly. But people have seemed to manage fine without that also! Neon Arcade has a really nice series of videos (like 2 or 3) that get you up to speed with the universe. It also helps you decide if the tone is right for you.

I think the main story should’ve been longer, also. I don’t mind a 20 hr story, especially in a massive RPG, but It feels like they really struggled to cram as much into that time frame as possible. It skirts the edge of being nice and concise, snappy, and tight - and needing just a few more moments to take a breath and wait a second. This is helped if you do a lot of side quests.

The straight male romance option, River, is INCREDIBLY well written but he doesn’t tie into the main plot in any way whatsoever. It’s very strange and feels like they either ran out of time with him, or slapped together a romance with him at the last second. All the other romances at least know what’s going on with V’s story - meanwhile River has no idea, and you can never tell him. He’s an amazing guy though and I highly recommend his questline. He appears in ACT 2.

In general I’d say not to bother with the romances. There are only 4 total, and while the romancible characters on their own are really well written, the romances themselves are just kinda meh. One romance you don’t even meet until act 3. I don’t think they should’ve been included in the game at all, because they definitely don’t feel as fleshed out as everything else.

CDPR also sometimes forget that women players or gay men exist. Panam and Judy have a lot more content than River and Kerry for example. I don’t think this is intentional, they just have a large fanbase of dudebros. It only shows in the romance content and the nudity thing though.

Johnny, Takemura, and Claire should’ve been romances and I will fight to the death on that.

There are gay and trans characters in the game and their stories don’t revolve around their sexualities. It’s very Fallout: New Vegas in it’s approach to characters: IE. you’re going to love them. All of them.

V’s gender isn’t locked to their body type or their genitals- but to to their voice. I don’t think it’s the best solution they could’ve used but given how the game is heavily voice acted I assume that was what they had to work with.

Some of the romances are locked to both cis voices AND body types (not genitals if I recall but body shapes). That’s disappointing but I assume it was because of scripted scene issues and/or ignorance on the dev’s part considering the LGBT NPCS are so AMAZINGLY done. There’s no homophobic or transphobic language in the game - though there are gendered curse words and insults if that bothers you.

Some characters MAY suffer from ‘bilingual people don’t talk like that’ syndrome. But it can be hard to say for sure given that translators exist in this universe and the way they operate aren’t fully described. It’s only momentarily distracting, not enough to take away from how charming the NPCs are.

The endings are really good don’t get me wrong but I want fix it fic :(. All of the endings out of like 6 (?) in the game are bittersweet.

Both gender V’s are very good but female V’s voice acting is out of this world. If you don’t know what voice to go with/are neutral I’d highly recommend female V. Male V is charming and good but he feels much more monotone compared to female V.

V has their own personality. To some this won’t be a detractor - but a lot of people thought they’d be making absolutely everything from the ground up. V is more of a commander shepard or geralt than a skyrim or d&d pc, if that makes sense. You can customize and influence them to a HUGE degree, some aspects of V will always be the same.

Streetkid is the most boring background - at least for it’s introduction/prologue.

GAMEPLAY/TECHNICAL

If you can run your game on ultra, don’t. It actually looks best with a mix of high and medium settings. Unless you have a beast that has ray-tracing - then by all means use ray tracing and see how absolutely insanely good it looks.

There are color blind modes for the UI, but not for some of the AI/Netrunning segments in cutscenes. Idk how much this will effect folks with colorblindness but those segments are thankfully short.

There was an issue with braindances being an epilepsy trigger because for some reason they decided to mirror the flashing pattern after real epilepsy tests - probably because it ‘looks cool’. I don’t have epilepsy but it even hurt my eyes and gave me a headache. Massive oversight and really goddamn weird. Thankfully this was fixed.

There is no driving AI. Like at all. If you leave your car in the street the traffic is just going to pile up behind it. It’s one of the very few immersion breaking things I’ve encountered.

Sometimes when an NPC is driving with you in the car, they’ll drive on the curb and/or run into people. It’s kind of funny but can occasionally result in something weird. Feels very GTA - but nothing excruciating.

The camera angle feels a little too low in first person mode when driving on cars. You get used to it though.

The police in this game feel slapped on and I hope they improve it. Right now if you commit a crime, you can never tell what will actually trigger it. And if you just run away a few blocks the police forget about it.

Bikes are just way more fun to ride than the cars are.

You CANNOT respec your character after you make them. Ever. it sucks. Go in with an idea ahead of time what you wanna do - it’s better than being a jack of all trades.

as of now you also CANNOT change their appearance after you exit the character creator. This, also, sucks. Make sure you REALLY like your V or you’re gonna be replaying the openings over and over like I did.

Photomode on PC is the N key. Had to look it up. The mode itself is great though

Shooting and Mele fighting feel pretty standard. I don’t have a lot of shooter experience besides Bethesda games so anything feels better than that to me. So far I’ve enjoyed stealth and mele the best, but that’s just my own taste! The combat and driving aren’t groundbreaking by any means, but they’re still very fun. I look forward to running at people with swords or mantis blades, and zipping around the city on a motorcycle to see the sights. The story, lore, and interesting quests and characters are the real draw here.

I haven’t encountered any game breaking bugs in 80-ish hours of play time. One or two T-poses, a few overlays not loading or floating objects - but nothing terrible. Again, my experience is with Bethesda games. This is all usually fixed by either opening your inventory and closing it again, or exiting out and reloading your save.

The C button is mapped for crouching AND skipping dialogue by default. That’s terrible. Change it in the settings to be HOLDING C skips dialogue and you’ll be gucci.

There’s apparently a crafting system. I have never been inclined to touch it. But I also play on easy like a pleb so IDK how it all scales otherwise.

The mirror reflections can be a little bit weird, at least on my end. They always end up a teeny bit grainy despite my computer being able to run everything on Ultra Max. You can still get good screens out of it though!

So many people text me to sell me cars and I want them to stop. Please. also the texting menu is abysmal. The rest is ok tho

It’s pretty clear when you’re going to go into a ‘cutscene’. all cutscenes are rendered in-engine BUT you often will be talking to other characters at a specific angle or setting. The game locks you into this usually by having you sit down. It works for me - after all we do a lot of sitting- but it IS very obvious that it’s a way for the game to get you in the frame it wants to display.

That’s all I can think of rn! If you’re interested but wanted to get a slightly better idea of whats going on, I hope this helps. I’m really enjoying it and despite my issues it’s exceeding my expectations. I’m going to be thinking about and replaying this game for quite a while.

#cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk 2077 review #2077 review #cp2077 #rosetxt #txt

5 notes · View notes

alaqatzam · 3 years

Text

creator tag meme

okay so I was tagged by @aquietthinker and I am really excited bc I don't see many tag games these days and I get tagged in even fewer so thank you v much for hitting me up in this, love both you and your works!

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I’ve published about 29 works to my ao3 in 2020, with only one or two being kept unpublished for whatever reason. This year wasn't as active as other years for me but I do know that my writing hasn't suffered, and I've been impressed with quite a few that I’ve published this year! So here be my top five

falling (E). Okay so this fic may not be the best work I’ve ever done, but I'm proud simply because it’s one of the longest fics I’ve ever written, the word count may not be as high as other people’s fics but for me it was a real big boy fic. It was originally just going to be an excuse to write a throuple kinda thing but I managed to put in a lot more plot than I’d previously expected. This fic is defo an achievement for me. Plus I managed to rope Ruby into helping me out with it and when we have our writer to writer moments it really fuels my soul.

taste tester (M). Bit of a controversial fandom to be calling my fav fic but I do not care, this was a fic that got me out of a writing slump and got me back into the groove, that and it was the first piece of fic in a while where I focused on feelings and characters over smut (shocking, ik) so I really cannot overlook this fic and its value to me.

bad moon rising (M). Despite Brooke forcing me to replay her singing ‘bad moon arisin’ every time I think of this fic, I really do love it. It’s gritty and graphic and a total step in a different direction for me, it let me channel the grossness of my zombie au’s in a more concentrated way, and making Alex suffer in fic form is really neat, so ofc I love this bad boy.

it’s just what you do (T). It’s a fic based off a Lana del Ray song, need I say more? I swear I hype this fic up in my head way too much but I have really fond memories of writing it. This was another fic I bullied Ruby into helping me out with, I kinda talked about it with her the entire time I was writing it, and it probably annoyed the fuck out of her but it really helped me find the hype to write it as thoroughly as I could when I was writing it bc hassling her about my fics and oversharing about them with her is one of my top hobbies, ily Ruby sm. The ending is really bad but it was a way for me to insert some friends and their oc’s for fun and lit rally no other reason.

Okay so I'm cheating a bit for this last one, but its the you are the wilderness series (T). The fics are all set within a zombie apocalypse au and I really couldn't choose which one to include, so I figured I’d include the series. I was able to test my angst skillz in this series, as well as my ability to get a bit grim, it was really fun to write and one of my favourite series to date.

Thank you again for tagging me, this was so much fun to fill out and made me even more narcissistic than I already was x

I'm gonna tag the usual suspects because I have no other friends and also I love they: @eggsyjpg, @s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r, @militarizedsubconscious, @bronweathanharthad and @the-beeses-kneeses (bc you can do top 5 art pieces and you are both art and an artist)

#qatshit

4 notes · View notes

faroreswinds · 4 years

Text

Data Mining Activities & Quotes Analysis: Sylvain

As per what I said before, I want to look deeper into data mining for funsies and just see what I can spot.

Today’s character is: Sylvain!

As a little disclaimer, I won’t be doing all his quotes because that’s a LOT! Instead, I’m just going to focus on stuff I think is interesting to look at, like particular classroom questions, or his lost items, or whatever. One day, I’ll probably get into the chapters individually but today is just to focus on one character. I’ll also update this as I find more stuff, as a small heads-up. If you find something that I missed, feel free to let me know and I’ll update the post as well.

Ok, so let’s get into it!

Check out more from this series of analysis here. They will be updated over time.

Basics- Battle

Most of the battle quotes aren’t interesting, and the data mining does not include the voiced lines without text so I had to turn to the wiki page. That said, there were a few Post Time Skip Defeat the Enemy quotes he says I find particularly interesting:

"Don't bother haunting me."

"Burn until we meet again."

Based on Annette’s support with Claude, we know the Kingdom has a particularly interesting view on the afterlife. I won’t go into the details here- instead, I will be making a Kingdom focused page for all things cultural that will cover it- but the talk of “burning” and “haunting” go along with their beliefs.

Not to mention, it is very, very dark. And Sylvain, despite his carefree attitude, has got a dark and gritty view of life. He’s smiling on the outside, but he will have no qualms with taking you down.

Basics- Cooking and Choir

Sylvain just has no interest in either of these things, as per his quotes:

Cooking Together

Part I: Cooking... Cooking... Heh. Well, it'll all work out somehow...maybe.

Part II: If you just follow the recipe, most things will come out fine. I think.

Choir Practice

It's hard to sneak out when the professor is watching.

Share a Meal- Dining Dialogue

Sylvain only has two people he has quotes with during meal time: Ingrid and Dimitri. Surprisingly, not Felix, despite having an ending with him and not an ending with Dimitri. His quotes with Ingrid are just cute, but I think his quotes with Dimitri have some nice little insights:

Support C

Sylvain: You know what, Professor? His Highness here is the most stubborn guy I know.

Dimitri: Now, Sylvain, why not go ahead and eat? If you do not, I may help myself to it.

Support B

Sylvain: By the way, how delicious are the monastery meals, right? We sure don't eat like this back in the Kingdom.

Dimitri: I agree. If we could only grow more food on our poor soil, and in the severe winter of the north...

Sylvain has a lot of quotes, including from FEH and from his support with Dimitri, that pertain to wanting Dimitri to relax (and that he’s too stubborn to). This goes hand in hand with the relationship chart that came out from Nintendo Dream some time back:

I wish I could link this picture to the original translator, but I don’t know who did it. But as you can see, Sylvain wants Dimitri to relax.

The quotes from support B gives some insight into the Kingdom, about how they just don’t eat like they do at the monastery because the winter of the north is so severe and it’s hard to grow food.

Sylvain’s default responses aren’t particularly interesting, except for:

Neutral: I realized it after I got to the monastery—nobody in Faerghus knows how to cook.

Basically saying that the food at the monastery is particularly good. This goes well with Faerghus having poor yields of food in general.

Share a Meal- Favorite/ Least Favorite Foods

Sylvain seems to have a pension for fish, as based on his favorite foods. Nearly every dish he loves is fish based, except for one with is a meal for two dish (obviously a philandering thing), a few white meat dishes, and the Sweet Bun Trio, which is a Faerghus sweet. Except for the Sweet Bun Trio, all his favorites have meat, which makes sense because colder climates tends to lend to meat dishes to maintain the calories needed to maintain body heat. The dishes with fish include Teutates Loach (a fish from the Kingdom), White Trout, Airmid Pike, and Albinean Herring.

He has few dishes he doesn’t like, which all happen to be seafood based except for one. The fish meals are not described as particularly tasty, or they are extremely simple without much preparation. The only non-fish meal he doesn’t like is the Beast Meat Teppenyaki, which is described to have a wilderness taste- and he probably doesn’t like it due to history he may have with his brother.

Interestingly, he doesn’t seem to have an interest in Gautier Cheese Gratin, which has cheese from his region.

Gifts and Lost Items

Sylvain, of course, does have some items/like certain gifts that pertain to the philanderer in him. These include:

Gift: Dapper Handkerchief- A handkerchief adorned with refined embroidery. Appreciated by fashionable men .

Lost Item: Unused Lipstick- Lipstick that would make an ideal gift for a young lady. It probably belongs to someone who likes wooing women.

Lost Item: Crumpled Love Letter- A carelessly discarded love letter. It probably belongs to someone with a complicated love life.

Sylvain clearly takes an interest in fashion, as well as his womanizing ways leaking into his lost items. We can see his casual nature when it comes to wooing the girls with the fact that the lost letter is “carelessly discarded”.

But the rest of the gifts/ lost items paint Sylvain’s other side:

Gift: Landscape Painting- A landscape painting of magnificent Lake Teutates in the clearing fog. Appreciated by those who enjoy nature or art.

Gift: Board Game- A fun activity in which players compete using stones on a board. Appreciated by those who enjoy tactical thinking.

Lost Item: The History of Sreng- A book recording the history of the Sreng people. It probably belongs to someone who has ties to Sreng.

Despite his carefree side, many of us know that Sylvain is actually incredibly smart and takes an interest in making positive changes and taking his job seriously. The board game shows he enjoys tactical thinking, and his lost item, the History of Sreng, shows he is taking an interest in local politics and is keen to learn. As for the Landscape Painting, we can see that Sylvain enjoys art (as you will see later), and that he’s not all about women and lazing about.

As for his disliked gifts:

Gift: Book of Crest Designs- A book containing the designs of 21 identified Crests. Appreciated by those who enjoy studying Crests.

Gift: Watering Can- A tool used for watering plants. Appreciated by those who enjoy gardening.

Gift: Floral Adornment- Flowers cut short so they can be worn decoratively. Appreciated by most ladies and those who like gardening.

Obviously, thanks to Sylvain’s history, disliking Crest-related gifts is no surprise. However, he also doesn’t seem to have an interesting in gardening, as he is not keen on the gardening-related gifts.

Classroom- Instruct

Sylvain has three study requests:

You know, jousting is a popular sport in Faerghus. The ladies love a guy who can joust. Speaking of... Let's polish up my riding and lance skills.

The best way to impress people is to save them by diving into harm's way. That's what a Great Knight does, yeah? So let's focus on my axe and heavy armor skills.

I want to study reason and faith. What, surprised? Hey, I may be rough around the edges, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate a little magic!

We learn a few things from these:

Jousting is popular in Faerghus. Makes sense for a knight-based nation.

Sylvain seemingly wants to impress people by diving in harm’s way. But based on his general attitude, I think he really actually wants to just protect people and is pretending it’s all about the ladies.

Sylvain wants to learn magic, both faith and reason.

He also does not liked to be consoled- he wants critique to improve himself.

Critique

Part I & Part II: I'll have to do better next time.

Console

Part I & Part II: OK. You can stop it.

Classroom- Questions and Answers

Sylvain has two questions he can ask in the classroom:

This is from the academy phase, and we can see that Sylvain prefers it if you tell him to basically play hard to get. There are some interesting things regarding Ingrid’s dislike here, but this is about Sylvain... and apparently, he doesn’t want to change and doesn’t like it if you tell him to clean up his act. (Ingrid likes it, though).

This one is from part two. Of course, it pertains to the war, and how depressing it is, and wants something to do to feel a bit better. Funnily enough, the other infamous nobles Ferdinand and Lorenz join him for this one! We can see they all have different tastes, but Sylvain is not interested in a cup of tea, but would rather ask out a girl. He’s not against talking a walk though, but no one seems to actually like it either.

There are other questions that Sylvain joins in on, but I will add those when I eventually get to them. For now, I will just start with these two and update later.

Group Tasks

Similar to the dining dialogue, Sylvain only has quotes with Dimitri and Ingrid, and not Felix despite having an ending with him. That said, Sylvain has more dialogue with Ingrid than Dimitri, so we will start with Dimitri first:

Stable Duty & Sky Watch

Support C

Sylvain: So, Your Highness, you're gonna keep the scolding to a minimum, yeah?

Dimitri: Why are you assuming you will be scolded? All you need to do is take things seriously.

Support B

Dimitri: Hey, Sylvain. I would like your help for today's work.

Sylvain: Heh, so you've finally learned you can't do everything yourself?

Results

Support C - Good

Sylvain: Professor... It's... It's finally over...

Dimitri: You are quick to tire out, Sylvain. You should consider building your stamina.

Support C - Perfect

Dimitri: Professor, the work is now complete. Sylvain did his job as well.

Sylvain: Was getting yelled at my job? Because, yeah. I did that.

Support B - Good

Sylvain: The result was fine... Though I thought we could have aimed even higher.

Dimitri: Agreed. Let's come up with a better plan next time.

Support B - Perfect

Sylvain: Professor, don't you think we did pretty well? His Highness here did most of it.

Dimitri: No, it was not all my doing. We made it thanks to your help, Sylvain.

These occur only when you pair them for stable duty and sky watch, which would be both activities the pair would find common interests in due to their personal budding talents and canon classes. We can see that Dimitri wants Sylvain to take things seriously, and Sylvain takes a more playful approach. Sylvain will also comment on Dimitri learning to not shoulder everything on his own, calling back a bit to Sylvain’s concern over Dimitri not being able to relax.

Sylvain seems to be annoyed early on at Dimitri’s constant scolding, but this changes when their support improves, the two of them praising each other and hoping to improve together.

Now for Ingrid:

Stable Duty & Sky Watch

Support C

Sylvain: Ugh, I'm with Ingrid? I'm not gonna get away with anything.

Ingrid: Stop messing around and get moving. You don't work, you don't eat.

Support B

Sylvain: Hey, Ingrid, this kind of work is definitely your thing, and I've got some urgent business, so...

Ingrid: I can't finish this all alone. Try to be helpful sometimes, Sylvain.

Support A

Sylvain: Me and Ingrid? Hm, I guess I'll get to work.

Ingrid: Well now, a rare and welcome proclamation. You're a real sight to behold when you try to be.

Weeding

Sylvain: Weeds have it tough. They sprout then get ripped right out of the ground. I'll do my best to be gentle.

Ingrid: Are you seriously trying to seduce a weed? Unbelievable.

Sylvain: What? No! Come on. I was just talking to myself.

Clearing Rubble

Sylvain: If I had to clear this out by myself, I think even I would get depressed...

Ingrid: Fine, fine, I'm not going to leave it all for you.

Sylvain: Let's do it quick though...before I change my mind. I'll grab the heavy-looking chunks. You get the rest.

Results

Support C - Good

Ingrid: Ah, seems we've finally finished.

Sylvain: That's it! I'm done! No more work for me, especially not with her...not in a million years.

Support C - Perfect

Sylvain: Hey, we did pretty well. All because I really went for it, of course.

Ingrid: You're a glib one, aren't you, Sylvain? I did the bulk of the work here, you know...

Support B - Good

Sylvain: I wouldn't call it a rousing success, but it went OK, all things considered. Right?

Ingrid: Well, it went OK once I rolled up my sleeves and helped you.

Support B - Perfect

Sylvain: Heh... How's that, Professor? If ya ask me, I think we did pretty well.

Ingrid: Yes, Sylvain put his back into it for once. Next thing we know, pigs will be taking to the air.

Support A - Good

Sylvain: I don't want to complain since we did OK and all, but that could have gone a lot better.

Ingrid: I think so too... Next time, I'll try even harder.

Support A - Perfect

Ingrid: Professor, here's the report. Perfect, don't you think?

Sylvain: Ingrid and I go way back. If we couldn't manage to cooperate, then what would that say about us?

Sylvain and Ingrid have dialogue no matter what they do. We can see, especially in the stable and sky watch, that at first they don’t really get along. Sylvain is tired of Ingrid’s pestering and Ingrid is tired of Sylvain being lazy. But as their support goes up, we see that they get along better. Ingrid starts praising Sylvain, and Sylvain starts putting more effort in.

Sylvain also seems to be a bit melancholy about the weeds, noting that they start to take life before someone takes takes it away from them.

Finally, just some fun default stuff.

Uses keigo when speaking to

Byleth, Edelgard, Dimitri, Seteth, Hanneman, Manuela, Gilbert, Alois, Catherine, Shamir, Jeralt, Rhea, Jeritza, Anna

Spoken to with keigo by

Bernadetta, Dorothea, Petra, Ashe, Ignatz, Lysithea, Marianne, Flayn, Constance

“Keigo” is polite speech, used when addressing people who are in a station in life above you, whether in title or simply out of respect. For instance, he uses keigo for those who are older than him and teachers, like Manuela and Hanneman, and for those who are in higher stations, like Dimitri or Edelgard.

Those who speak keigo to him consider him of higher status, or someone worthy of respect. Looking at this list, I would say status.

Tea Party- Favorite Tea

The Tea Party is a pretty big section, so I won’t cover everything but I’ll try to touch on what seems important. Feel free to let me know if you notice more!

Anyways, Sylvain seems to have a pension for black teas, although not all black teas listed in the game. He prefers Bergamot Tea (commonly known as Earl Grey) which is popular among nobles (he shares this like with Edelgard, Lorenz, Hanneman, Constance, and Anna, most of whom are nobles, and in particular are nobles with particular taste) and Seiros Tea, another black tea that is actually from south Almyra, interestingly enough! He shares this like with Ferdinand, Lorenz, Ignatz, Yuri, and Anna. Both of these teas have a three star rarity- not the cheapest tea in the list, but not terribly rare either.

He will note that the tea is expensive if you give him an expensive tea, and perhaps seems a bit uncomfortable with you going out of your way.

This tea must have been expensive. I'm sorry if I made you go out of your way.

Tea Party- Talk

Sylvain has a number of quotes from talking, although most of them aren’t too terribly interesting. However, some have some great insight:

Is something wrong with my face? A bruise on my cheek? Heh... Nah, Professor. Everything's fine.

Everyone has their own reason to fight. At least I'm honest about mine.

Opera, art, literature, I love 'em. They always give you something to talk about.

Sometimes, I'm surprised how warm the monastery is. I wish my parents' home was like this.

Sylvain is an interesting guy because in some ways, he’s not honest and in others, he is. For instance, he insists that you do not worry about his injury. Don’t worry about him. He’s not being honest about any pain he has- this includes his distastes for a lot of women chasing him despite his philandering. However, he is honest in others in his world views. He’s a lot like Dimitri when it comes to trying to see the other side, as seen in “everyone has their own reason to fight”. This is displayed in his other quotes throughout the game too, although we won’t be touching on those.

As as per the gift of art he likes, we can see here that he’s actually very much into culture and art. He likes them, and likes to talk about them.

And finally, some insight into his family. Sylvain’s relationship with his father is complex (as per the Blue Lion tradition) and here we can see that he doesn’t view his family home as warm- both perhaps literally in that it’s a cold climate, and figuratively.

I won’t be going over the like options because there are too many, but I will take note of a few options that make him blush:

Working together...

The opera...

Cute monks...

Some insight things into Sylvain. Obviously, as he likes the opera, the topic of it will be among his favorite. Sylvain likes people working together (although he himself is a bit of a loner, he wants people to work together and talk things through like Dimitri does) and finally, the cute monks...

I’m taking special note of that because in English, traditionally monks are male. However, the game seems to use monks for both men and women (monks in Greek can be used for both), and the Japanese word used instead is 修道士. Someone with superior Japanese can correct me, but it would seem that this is a masculine word, used for men, especially when using the kanji 士, which means “gentlemen” or “samurai”.

However, as stated before, the game uses monk for both men and women. I checked the files and even the female monks use 修道士. So, while people claim this is proof he is bi, I would not call it a strong indicator personally (At this time I still think he has a thing for Felix, don’t get me wrong).

Advice Box

Part I

I wonder if I'll ever find a partner who understands I don't mean any harm when I flirt with others. Does someone like that really exist?

You're bound to meet someone open-minded someday.

That's a dream that will never come true.

Have you considered giving up on flirting?

I'm hesitant to invite a girl to my room in the middle of the night with You Know Who living right next door. I'm terrified of the scolding I'd get the next day.

Maybe I'll rethink the room assignments.

It makes sense that she would be angry with you.

Perhaps it's time you and I discussed your behavior.

Part II

I'm weary from this ceaseless fighting. I wonder if I'll ever meet a kind, beautiful young lady who can cure my hardened heart.

You will one day. I'm sure of it.

Save the dreams for when you're sleeping.

A woman like that wouldn't go for you.

All we do is battle. The fighting never stops, and it's turning everyone's disposition dour. Even the ladies! We should throw a banquet to lift everyone's spirit.

Good idea. I'll see what I can do.

It's too soon to let down our guard.

How selfless of you.

Part I notes aren’t too interesting, other than that Sylvain is worried about Dimitri (his neighbor in dorms) hearing his rendezvous with the ladies and getting a scolding.

Part II is more interesting. Sylvain’s second note is about lifting up everyone’s spirits regarding the war, and that throwing a banquet might help make everyone feel better. He prefers if Byleth agrees and will start to make arrangements, rather than getting praise for his selflessness.

And for now, that’s all! I will update as I go, but for now I hope you enjoyed this!

Suggestions and new info welcome.

#Sylvain data mining #data mining #3H data mining

13 notes · View notes

overthinkingkdrama · 4 years

Text

Jona’s 5 Worst Dramas of 2019

A couple words about this list. I’m making this for fun. If a drama you love ended up on this list, it doesn’t mean that I hate you or I think you’re stupid or have terrible taste. But these are dramas that inspired strong negative reactions in me for one reason or another, whether that be disappointment, rage or disgust.

I’ve only included dramas that finished airing in 2019 in my selection process. If you have some dramas that hated, feel free to share them in the replies or send me an ask. It’s fun to complain about things for some reason.

Also, I have included major SPOILERS in a couple of these. So read at your own peril.

Dishonorable Mention: Melting Me Softly

I sincerely tried to limit myself to only dramas that I--for whatever misguided reasons--finished in their entirety for this list. Mainly because I don’t think it’s fair to brand something as the “worst” of anything without actually giving the thing a fair shake. That’s the only reason Melting Me Softly isn’t higher on this list. But I felt that it wasn’t right to leave it off entirely, if for no other reason then out of respect for the fallen Ji Chang Wook stans out there who lost their lives trying to make it through this trash fire. Somebody needs to stand up for those brave soldiers, out their gifing trash dramas while people like me are safe and sound on our couches, watching the tag like it’s a train wreck.

I made it through only two episodes of this drama, and despite my goodwill toward the majority of the cast, they were two of the most bafflingly bad hours of television that I forced myself to sit through this year. From what I could tell while side-eyeing the drama on tumblr and twitter it didn’t improve much over the course of the run. There were a couple steamy kisses that I enjoyed in clip form, but I don’t think it would have been worth the brain cells lost to sit through any more than that.

Bottom Line: Painfully unfunny, overwhelmingly expositional with no character development, confusing pacing and sloppy editing. Two episodes was two too many.

5. When the Devil Calls Your Name

It pains me to put this on the list because it was just last year that a Jung Kyung Ho, Park Sung Woong collaboration (Life on Mars) ended up in my top 5. And giving credit where it’s due, the two male leads seem to have a great deal of fun working together and I believe that all the actors gave this drama everything they could and sincerely tried to make it work. That’s one of the things I like about Jung Kyung Ho, he picks unique, risky projects that either pay off in a big way or fall flat on their faces (like the amateurishly written and edited Missing 9) Unfortunately, this script just too messy and too bizarre to work. Ha Rip as has a deeply frustrating character arc. He’s such a self-centered jerk for the vast majority of the drama, which is fine for a Faust type story if it’s written with conviction, but every time you think he’s started to turn a corner or grown as a person he reverts back to his old ways. The writing and tone are whiplash inducing. Plus the vague “soul mates” relationship between Ha Rip and Kim Yi Kyung seemed to want to have it both ways, flipping between implied romantic potential and a father/daughter dynamic, which made me quite uncomfortable.

Bottom Line: This drama’s bizarre mythology and world building barely makes any sense at all, but at least they’re easier to follow than the character development. Attempted something unique, but couldn’t pull it off. The OST is super dope though.

4. Love in Sadness

When I watched the first teasers I got the distinct impression that this wasn’t going to be a good drama, or at best it was going to be a guilty pleasure, but at the time when I started it I was hungry for a melo and there wasn’t much airing to hold my attention so I started it on impulse. I think in this case I got what I deserved for continuing to watch something I didn’t think was very good.

The first few episodes were actually pretty gripping and intriguingly dark, but that petered of quickly and the drama became and infuriating wheel spinning exercise with barely any perceptible plot development from episode to episode. The protagonists in this are all so stupid that in the final few episodes the female lead gets kidnapped not once, but multiple times because she keeps meeting her unstable husband alone. Plus nobody in this drama seems to know how to call the police when a madman is waving around a gun. It probably wouldn’t have made me so very mad except that in the last few episodes the writer became unaccountably preoccupied with how sad the psychotic, wife-beating husband’s family life was and how lonely and pathetic his life was when he wasn’t allowed to stalk, assault, and psychologically terrorize his wife. Seriously, in the last leg of the drama the villain is the only character who gets any character development at all. The drama pulls out all the stops to try to make use feel sorry for him. It’s disgusting.

Bottom Line: When a drama about a woman trying to escape domestic violence becomes completely preoccupied with painting the abuser as tragically misunderstood, you’ve got some serious problems.

3. The Lies Within

If it wasn't for the last two episodes this drama would not be on this list, but that isn't because it was in any way an exceptional drama, or that it otherwise would have ended up on my best list. Without the last two episodes The Lies Within is a merely adequate thriller, somewhat heightened by the brutal nature of the premise. I picked this show up largely to fill the void that was left by WATCHER and it was more or less successful, plus it helped that I liked the cast. However even at the beginning this drama I felt like it had some pretty glaring tone problems. There were parts of the drama that were standard OCN dark and gritty thriller, and there were other parts that felt like a campy police sitcom. The humor, when it does crop up in this drama always feels super out of place. But then that last big twist happened and man...I can't remember the last time a drama made me that angry or cratered quite so hard with a twist.

[And this is where I spoil the HELL out of this drama...]

Before this drama decided to go all M. Night Shyamalan in it’s last two episodes, there seemed to be at least one, if not two really reasonable candidates for the kidnapper. Actually all the ground work they’d done up to that point would seem to have pointed to Young Min and if he had turned out to be the perpetrator, I would have completely bought it. Instead they decided to blow everyone’s mind by making the kidnapped husband complicit in his own kidnapping and dismemberment. Which might seem like a shocking twist until you think about it for even half a second.

What it winds up doing on a narrative level it makes everything the characters have done to investigate this series of crimes up to this point feel pointless, resulting in a huge anticlimax. It makes the ambiguous figure of Seo Hui’s husband not only hopelessly stupid, but also cruel and unsympathetic. Because he thought somehow simply sharing the information with her would put her in more danger than threatening and psychologically terrorizing her into investigating the very people he was theoretically trying to protect her from. The explanation that he was already terminally ill doesn’t to anything to mitigate the stupidity of his plan for me. Seriously, you couldn’t think of any solution aside from cutting bits off yourself and sending them to your wife in the mail? I could rant about this ending at length, but I’m going to try to stop here.

Bottom Line: As far as I’m concerned, if you choose to sacrifice the emotional and narrative coherence of your story for a cheap and dirty twist to surprise the audience, you deserve every ranty review you get.

2. Love Affairs in the Afternoon

I’m really not sure what possessed me to watch this drama to begin with. That I continued to watch it is on me. The fact that I watched it despite hating the shallow characters, the thin story and the abortive message at the core of the drama is simply a lapse of judgement for which I shouldn’t be forgiven. Why did I do it despite not having a single nice thing to say about this show? Well, there are two reasons. I was curious to see if they would do anything compelling with one or two of the characters, (specifically the serial adulteress housewife an the broody artist) and I was surreptitiously watching this drama at work and it was really easy to follow the plot while only actually keeping my eyes on the screen about half the time. I watched the last episode before the subs were available and had no trouble understanding what was going. Which could be a sign that my Korean is improving, but is more likely a sign that the writing was so predictable and simplistic that you could follow it if you didn’t speak the language at all.

[Spoilers beyond this point.]

It’s my understanding that in the Jdrama that this is based on all of the characters basically wreck their lives and end up miserable, pointing toward the emptiness of the lives of these people who try to find fulfillment through extra-marital affairs. If that’s how this drama had ended, I still wouldn’t have enjoyed the execution but I could have respected the intent. But in this watered down Kdrama-fied version all the couples’ issues are resolved in the whitewash of a last episode time skip that makes the suffering and bullshit that led up to it feel completely pointless.

Bottom Line: Maybe this level of trashy, uninspired tripe would be somewhat justified if the chemistry between the leads had been better, but somehow they even managed to screw that up. The leads are just bad, vacuous people, a fact which is rendered all the more unforgivable by them being utterly bland. Everybody needed to divorce, nobody deserved to end up happy. Please be wiser than me and avoid this one.

1. Memories of the Alhambra

Initially, I was on the fence about even producing a “Worst List” this year, because in the past few years I’ve tried to be better about dropping dramas the moment they start to disappoint me, rather than hanging on to them and winding up burning myself out. I wasn’t sure if I’d have enough material to write this list, or at least not enough material to make it worth reading. Then I remembered that Memories of the Alhambra finished airing in January of this year (2019 was impossibly long, wasn’t it?) and I thought, “Aha, I can make this work.” I knew at once this drama was going to be the shitty tinfoil star atop my Christmas tree of suck.

I’ve already written a full review of this drama, where I got about as mean as I felt I could reasonably be. You can go read that if you like, I’m not going to retread all my many complaints here. What I will say is that Memories of the Alhambra took my mixed-to-favorable opinion of the writer, Song Jae Jung, and turned it to a negative one. She’s someone who clearly has a lot of interesting high concept ideas, but the execution is just not there. You can hook an audience with a concept, but you have to keep them with craft and structure.

Maybe the industry can be blamed for that. Maybe she just has a hard time ending her stories, or maybe writing on a deadline doesn’t agree with her. Whatever the reason, I can no longer trust her to deliver a satisfying story. And that’s deeply saddening to me, because Queen In Hyun’s Man is in my top 10 favorite dramas.

To be front-to-back terrible is one thing. The joke’s at least half on me for bothering. But to have potential, to have an interesting hook, a budget, a cast, but then to be either unwilling or unable to live up to that potential feels like a con. That’s how I felt about his drama, like I had been willfully deceived by special effects and flashy editing, all orchestrated to disguise a narratively bankrupt, unsatisfying drama.

Bottom Line: Is Memories of the Alhambra objectively the worst drama on this list? No, it’s not. Is it the most disappointing? Absolutely, it is. And that’s the more heinous crime, in my opinion. And that’s why it’s my worst drama of 2019.

#kdrama reviews #worst list #kdramas 2019 #jona spoils #exit review

25 notes · View notes

daybreak-academy-fanfic · 4 years

Text

Daybreak Academy: Chapter 54

The Best-Worst Present

Summary: In which Anora gives Ephemer a gift from the heart. Word Count: 1,760 First | Previous | Next ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆

“Today's Ephemer's birthday?”

Skuld gave Anora a little snort in response. “Would I be making a cake just for him otherwise?” she teasingly mused. “This is the only time when I'm able to bake and he's not around to steal a taste.”

Anora cast Skuld a wary side glance but did nothing to rebut. Skuld was using the small kitchenette in Ava and Invi's cabin to bake Ephemer a small cake. The cake itself wasn't going to be that impressive; big enough for only three or four slices with the bare minimum of icing you could give.

It did leave the question on where they were going to give it to him. Anora could only assume it was in the cabin the boys were using. Maybe they would give it to him while they were all out on the beach? They probably would not have done it in Ava and Invi's cabin. After Anora's kiss with Strelitzia, someone had decided that it would have been too uncomfortable for the two girls to be in the same cabin. Anora ended up bunked with the female headmasters as a result. It wasn't bad, they had only a few days left of vacation anyway, and it gave Anora an excuse to not leave the cabin as often. It felt too mortifying to actually face Ephemer or Strelitzia after that one confusing afternoon.

“He could still visit.” the girl pointed out- in doing so, she pointed out to herself that nothing was stopping Ephemer from visiting her. It's not like the cabins were really locked or anything.

“Could, but he's not.” Skuld informed her in a matter-of-fact tone. Under her breath, Skuld then grumbled, “That coward.”

Anora slightly shifted in place. She was only faintly aware of what Skuld knew about the kiss between her and Strelitzia. Not that Anora told Skuld much about it, but she was almost certain that Ephemer would have. Of course, the girl was also sure that pretty much all of them knew about the kiss by now. The only one she could see that wouldn't reasonably know would be Ventus.

“What about presents?” Anora inquired before nervously nibbling on her lower lip. Skuld immediately shook her head.

“We're heading back tomorrow, and everything's pretty much packed up, so any presents we did have for him are still at school. A small cake is the least we could do; something we can all enjoy, clean up, and forget about until we get back. Ava usually takes Ephemer out to the movies or something anyway.”

“Just them?”

Skuld laughed. “She's kinda Ephemer's mom so, yes. They've always done it. Ephemer used to take Ava out for her birthday too, but I think he realized real quick that he was still a kid; didn't know how to drive, didn't have a job to buy something big, and so on and so forth. He and Ava kinda agree what they're doing ahead of time.”

Anora gave a small nod of understanding. That would explain the conversation Ava had with Invi this morning- something about going to the zoo and how far away the closest one was. And also something about bringing a pet turtle along?

“Can you hand me the cake pan?” Skuld told Anora, almost surprising the younger out of her thoughts. “Time to stick this baby in the oven and hope for the best.”

A firm nod from Anora, and the girl went to get the cake pan Skuld had brought along for just such an occasion. All the while, her mind was reeling in other thoughts.

She knew she had to get him something. But what exactly was a bit of a mystery; buying him a gift now would have felt cheap, and getting him a card also seemed like an even lazier cop out. Ephemer had been incredibly nice to her since she started attending Daybreak. He was also being ridiculously nice now, even when seeing his reaction to the kiss had made her wonder if he was holding something back. He promised that he wouldn't forget her birthday, so at the very least she shouldn't forget his.

If she had known beforehand, she probably would have composed a short skating routine for him. Nothing too complicated, just something to show she cared. But that required at least three things she didn't have; time, space, and her roller skates. What else could she give him?

. . .

Anora lingered around Skuld for most of the day. It looked rather pathetic is all respects; Skuld was a shield from having to look anyone directly in the eye. If Skuld knew this, she didn't let it easily show. Or maybe she was humoring Anora. It's not like everyone wanted their first kiss to be known to the entire world. Either way, she was grateful that Skuld didn't tell her to buzz off after the first hour of awkwardly lingering behind her. Small miracles.

“I just got a text from Ava.” Skuld informed Anora after some time. “She's got Ephemer hostage at the plaza. There's no one around so it'll be the perfect time to have a small party for him. Could you grab the plastic forks and paper plates? I'll get the cake.”

Anora gave her friend a quick nod before scurrying to do what she was told. When the girls made sure they had everything, they went on their way to the plaza. Ava and Ephemer were there, of course, along with Ira and Gula. Ava had been the one to lead them all into song. Everyone got a rather small slice of cake and very quickly thanked Skuld for being a pure magician in the kitchen. For the next few hours, there was a lot of reminiscing on Ephemer's past; how he had met Ava and Skuld, that one year he apparently led an angry pack of First Year students into a pie war, and even a mention of some scar he got when someone had egged him into bungee jumping off the gym building.

He didn't like to talk about that last one much- too embarrassing, he said.

When everyone started to leave for their cabins for the night, Anora took Ephemer by the hand and pulled him aside. With it being the first time they've truly come in contact since Strelitzia's kiss, there was a small spike of shock that coursed through them.

“What's wrong?” the boy asked. “Is this about…?”

Anora quickly shook her head. “Meet me at the beach in an hour.” she told him before quickly letting go of his hand and leaving for the cabins. Ephemer stood there for a moment- a part of him felt wary, but the other part of him was excited. What was Anora planning?

. . .

For the second time this summer, Ephemer approached Anora on the beach. His dream from weeks before came back with a stunning clarity that he shivered. He put on a smile once he was close enough to her; this was in no way a good time to admitting he had romantic dreams about someone who only saw him as a friend.

“So,” he mused, “Is this the part where you murder me in a bloody wrath?”

Anora gave him a funny look before vehemently shaking her head.

“I wanted to give you my present. Alone.”

This… was not something he expected. It must have been reflected on his face, because it definitely shown through in his voice. “Alone?” he repeated. “Why?”

Now bashful, Anora took a step back so she could offer her hand out to him. “Can I have this dance?”

Ephemer physically recoiled at her- almost stumbling backward in surprise. For a split second he actually considered telling her no. But, maybe, in a way, he could see what she was trying to do. And honestly? He was impressed. Flattered, even.

A wide grin appeared on his face before telling her, “How could I say no to a face like that?”

Anora immediately let out a sigh of relief, and was then taken by surprise when Ephemer took her in his arms. A nervous laugh escaped both of their lips as they started to slow dance. It started off the same as it had at the formal, but in time they got a little closer and with it came much smaller movements.

Anora rested her head on Ephemer's shoulder when the two had drifted so close that they were chest to chest. She didn't close her eyes, but she did seem to be in a daze of sorts as her hand tightened around Ephemer's. A small sigh escaped Ephemer's lips as he moved his head a bit to catch a whiff of her hair. The roots were gritty from the sand that wouldn't wash out of her hair, along with the faint presence of a vanilla scented shampoo. Ephemer could not hold back the smile he had as he held her a bit closer.

“This was a nice present.” he said to her- his voice barely above a whisper. “Thank you Anora.”

He didn't get a direct response. Instead, Anora snuggled a bit closer to his body and buried her face in his chest. He couldn't tell how hard she was blushing- although he was pretty certain she was. He was blushing too, after all.

After what seemed to be years, Anora finally picked her head back up and smiled at Ephemer. He looked back at her to return the gesture. And, like the last time they locked gazes, the two started to unconsciously drift closer to each other. They were just a breath away before Ephemer took a step backward to avoid the very thing they both wanted.

“We should head back.” he told her. “We've got to leave pretty early tomorrow, after all.”

Anora looked up at him- her eyes giving away her disappointment at the moment that didn't occur. But she nodded her head in agreement otherwise, stepping away from him to end their dance then and there.

“I mean it, you know.” the boy then tried to say. “That was a nice present. Always been more of a 'gifts from the heart' kinda guy, and, huh… thank you. Do you want me to walk you back to the cabins or…?”

Anora shook her head. “Happy birthday Ephemer.” she said to him in a small voice.

Before he could even stop himself, Ephemer gave her a gentle smile before saying, “It's always a happy day when you're around. Never leave Anora, I love you.”

#daybreak academy #chapter 54 #kingdom hearts fanfiction #Skuld #Anora #Ephemer #Summer 2020 #Season 1

3 notes · View notes

jiminisnotavirgin · 5 years

Text

BTS Reaction: Their First Time

warnings: smut, fluff and cute stuff

pairings: each member | reader

note: i’m not sure why i had so many issues coming up with ideas and scenarios (especially hoseok’s) but i think it’s good for me to practice my writing with these shorter scenarios and reactions so i hope you enjoy these :) i’ll try to finish the others i’ve started soon. i tried to make these as awkward and realistic as i could bc why not? sex ain’t like the movies and that’s okay.

also, this might be tmi but i wanted to let y’all know that i use my writing to help me understand my issues with intimacy and it helps me to understand and get more in touch with myself! i can write the heck out of any scene but when it comes to intimacy it’s complicated and as time goes on, things get better and i care less about my past! thanks for being a part of this and checking out my writing!

Kim Seokjin

You clear your throat. “Uh, do you know what you’re doing over there because—“

“Huh? What? Huh? Yes, of course, I do!”

You’re not one for dating through apps but a few days ago you decided to give it a shot. He’s the first guy you matched with. He’s slightly awkward but cute and chock full of dad jokes that actually make you laugh.

As you lay across his neat bed with your black fishnet stockings, you realize that you probably couldn’t be any more different than him and yet you couldn’t be more interested in the event unfolding before your eyes. You’ve fucked rockers and gritty men of all kind but unexpectedly, none have piqued your interest like Jin has.

Although his back is turned, you can hear how he fumbles with the condom in his hand and then you realize. He doesn’t know how to put a condom on which means he’s either inexperienced or... hmm. Maybe.

“Come here,” you ask.

“I-I told you, I got—“

“Come,” you repeat, this time with an edge of command in your tone. This is gonna be fun.

Min Yoongi

“Yoongi, let me do this for you. I want to.”

“How many times do I have to tell you I was drunk and I didn’t mean it?”

“So you don’t want me to go down on you?” It was more of a statement than a question.

He looks away with a frustrated sigh. One glance at your pouty face and he’s a goner, like always. “Why would you even want to anyway?”

“Because I want to make you feel good. I want you to cum in my mouth and I wanna taste all of you.” He felt himself get hard just imagining your hot mouth on him, your plump lips licking and making a mess of your composed self for him.

“Only if I can down on you afterward.”

“Deal.”

Hoseok

His body is like water. Every move is smooth and effortlessly graceful. To say you’ve been merely eying your dance instructor for the past few weeks is an understatement. If he hadn’t caught onto your flirting and horrible attempt at learning how to pop and lock to impress him then you would’ve been left a horny mess. His lips are smooth against yours, pushing and pulling in tongue-twisting dance.

“Your lips are so sweet,” you admit and grab onto his collar to bring him closer. He smells sweet, too. He’s shy to admit but he’s been watching you too. You’re ungrateful but determined and he couldn’t be more excited.

Namjoon

“Namjoon, you don’t have to be shy with me,” you promise with a sweet whisper. He doesn’t understand why he’s acting this way with you. You two have been dating for a while and he has to remember that although he’s a bit insecure about his body, he shouldn’t project these feelings onto his relationship with you; it’s one thing he’s completely confident about.

He was used to hiding in the shadows, avoiding extra socializing until he met you. Like the spark of a firework in the dark, you lit up his world and turned his life upside down in the best way possible. He is certainly one of the kindest individuals you’ve ever met and you’ll never understand why he took a chance on someone like you.

He huffs in a sudden burst of confidence and slides off his pink t-shirt in one go. You sit up on your elbows and watch as Namjoon approaches you from the edge of the bed. He isn’t ridiculously muscular but his lean figure is smooth with soft skin taking up space where some guys have abs. You don’t want those guys, though. You want Namjoon.

You trail your hand over his chest, exploring the skin you’ve never had the chance of touching. You place a kiss on his shoulder and smile, causing Namjoon to trip on his own shoelace and into your arms.

“Oh my god.” His groans are muffled into your shoulder. “I can’t do anything right.”

You giggle and poke his nose. “It’s perfect, Namjoon. You’re perfect, shh.”

Jimin

His blonde strands stick to the sweaty droplets on his forehead. You rest one palm on his chest and use the other to align his erection with your core.

“Baby, are you sure you—“

“Please,” he groans loudly, unable to control the spurt of precum dripping from his tip and onto your hand. You rub his plump tip against your clit, mixing your juices and covering his hard length in your clear arousal.

“Oh, f-fuck,” he stutters when your walls envelop him in one thrust. Squeezing the sides of his legs with your thighs, you lower yourself until you’re fully seated on his lap and filled to the brim. You raise yourself just the slightest bit, moving slowly to feel every ridge of his dick inside. Euphoria is mild compared to the rush coursing through Jimin’s veins.

Taehyung

“Whoa, you’re so... big,” you remark, unaware that the thought escaped your brain and made its way to the world through your blabber mouth. Although Taehyung claims he’s avoided intimacy with you because he’s afraid of “hurting you,” you know these excuses are to take the attention off of him and his own personal ideas about sex. His friends and their stupid locker room talk have intimidated him and made him nervous about having sex. The last thing he wants to do with you is one of those extremely aggressive things his friends talk about and he can’t decide if it’s for your sake or his. You blame your society and the toxic things it teaches men about what intimacy should “be” like.

You’ve thoroughly discussed consent with him and the two of you have gradually moved from kissing to oral (at his request!). Now, as he leans over you with his hard dick in his shaking hand, you lightly push him off to talk.

You rest your hands on his shoulders and push a lock of hair off his forehead before gazing into his eyes. “Let’s stop, Tae. You shouldn’t be so stressed about this and it should all come naturally. ”

“I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. I don’t know what I want.”

“You can’t force yourself to do this and you shouldn’t have to just because all the guys are talking about it. That’s dumb. This is between me and you, not them. It’s about taking one step at a time whenever you’re ready. Now put on your clothes and come on, let’s watch a movie.”

Jungkook

In the past, your best friend has tried to hide that he’s a virgin and you’ve insisted that it simply doesn’t matter. He believes you now as you exchange the sweet flavor of fruit punch and saliva in a hot kiss. You suck lightly on the soft skin of his neck, occasionally teasing with the tip of your teeth. He whimpers when you press your hand over the hard growth straining against his jeans. It’s painful and you know just the trick.

Mischief sinks into your brown eyes and you lick your lips, lowering yourself to your knees and quickly unbuttoning his jeans. He shifts awkwardly, not knowing what to say or do next but also not wanting to stop you. The look of determination in your eyes is enticing.

“I-I’ve never done this before,” he hesitates.

“I know, you big goofball.”

Although 7 minutes in heaven (in a broom closet) at a house party is far from how he imagined his first time, he knows you’ll rock his world the same way you do with everything else. He never thought it would be you and he’d be lying if he said his crush on you didn’t multiply exponentially as soon as you hauled him into the closet.

You tug down his jeans and boxers in one swoop, immediately wrapping your mouth around the plump head of his erection. You lick every drop of his salty precum like a parched woman in a desert. He sputters, desperately searching for something to clutch onto before his fingers settle into your messy hair. You bob up and down, sucking in your cheeks so that he feels every part of your wet mouth pleasuring him.

“I’m gonna c-c—“ he begins, but before he has the chance to finish, he releases in your mouth without any warning. An embarrassed blush rises to his cheeks but you stand up to kiss him and erase any fears he has about this moment.

333 notes · View notes

coffeeandcalligraphy · 5 years

Text

Houses With Teeth | Writing Update

Hey People of Earth!

What is this shiny new title--is she a short story, is she a... a new novel?? Or is she the seventh book of FOSTERED because apparently that series never ends!! Haha.

Ha.

So yes! This is the first update for--yes!--book 7 of FOSTERED! A few things you’ve probably already noticed:

The title is not a past tense verb and we STAN. If you haven’t noticed books 1-6 of the series follow a verb-ED structure, and I honestly became so over it by book four but kept up with it for consistency’s sake. I debated for probably two seconds before I settled that I am TIRED of these UGLY fostered titles, so we have made a CHANGE. Honestly, I kind of needed this change because this book is going to be kind of... different from the others (genre, tone, etc, etc), and I needed a more concrete separation from Old Fostered to New Fostered.

Originally, this title actually belonged to REWIRED for about 2 hours before I decided to give it to the new book. This was my thought process:

Me want new title for REWIRED, this title = trash

*comes up with new title*

nvm i’ll never be able to think of a title better than this for book 7

(I’d like to say my process was more thoughtful than this but this is literally how it happened oops)

While trying to come up with titles for the three sections of Rewired, I came up with houses for part 2. This is what sparked me to think of the title HOUSES WITH TEETH. I changed part two’s name because houses literally made no sense in conjunction with the chapters, and I’m happy about it since I looove this title.

So without further ado, let’s get into it!

I honestly have been struggling with the idea of this book for a very long time. As I’ve mentioned, FOSTERED’s 5 year anniversary will be coming up this October--AKA I’ve been writing this series for a very long time! I grew up with this series and its characters and whilst it’s all been very special to me in my development as an adolescent, I’m also older now, and my tastes in both writing and books have changed immensely. I knew I still had a story kicking here with FOSTERED, so I could have ended the series I just had one thought that held me back: why end it when it feels like it’s only just begun?

For a very long time, I severely misunderstood MANY of my characters in Fostered. Is this because I don’t characterize and blindly pants all of my novels hahahah possibly. Keeping in mind that the FOSTERED novels on average usually only took me about 2-5 months to complete, despite writing with these babes for 5 years, I still failed to understand them as characters. I don’t think this is exactly wrong--I understood as much as I needed to get through the first five books.

However, this idea that my characters were beyond what I’d made for them really confronted me when I started writing book six. I soon realized that literally 90% of the cast is made up of garbage people I absolutely love, and that in general, I really like writing about dark, strange, unsettling things. But this realization came as I was writing the sixth book in the series--very late! Though I acknowledge at some point FOSTERED will cease to be (rip), this idea of leaving it when there was, to say it simply, SO MUCH JUICY TEA, would feel like an injustice.

This is where this book comes into play! Although this isn’t a chapter update (more of a preliminary intro, if you will), I’ve had some time to think about the novel itself. Though I still really don’t have solid footing on the plot, it’s got an aesthetic and that’s... enough??

I made a mini moodboard of all the things HOUSES WITH TEETH. Here it is:

Process:

I’ve been struggling a lottttt with this book lately because I honestly don’t know what it is?? So far I know a few major things like Reeve being 20 and living in NYC, Foster being a central character, etc etc, but the book hasn’t materialized beyond these things? I feel very headless working on this project, which I know means I need to do a lot more thinking/planning before diving in. Because it’s slightly different from the rest of the books, it’s taking a bit more elbow grease to work into.

I recently changed the tense from present to past, and I think this helped?? Possibly?? I don’t exactly know what the story is in past tense, but I also didn’t know what it was in the present so lol I think the experimentation is good for me. For now, I’ve kind of put this guy on the back burner while I work on other things, but I have drafted some of it, the first ‘present’ version in a writing sprint because girl needed a push, and the second ‘past’ version pretty recently. I do like both, though they kind of achieve different things. I was having trouble keeping momentum with the present version, hence the switch, but I am having trouble transferring Reeve’s cynicism into the past.

I am not fully certain on plot yet because of these things, so I’m not confident enough to share a summary, but I do have some excerpts! With that said, there’s a lot that could change, so everything I share here is malleable/could change.

Excerpts:

The first excerpts I’ll share are from the ‘present’ version of this story, which is how I initially started drafting! I do like a lot of it, I just don’t think I can keep up with the tense without running out of steam.

This is the opening. I’ll share both from the present and past tense versions so you can see how different they are (because oh boy are they!). For some context, Reeve is cleaning up some broken herb planter pots from her sink after she believes Ethel, the ghost in her apartment, has knocked them down:

The apartment is haunted but Joel won’t get a priest until he sees proof. You won’t see proof of the paranormal, I’ve explained, but Joel doesn’t care. Joel is atheist and my landlord. He thinks Christians are Satan worshippers, and I haven’t ever disagreed. But there’s a ghost. Her name is Ethel.

Ethel is twenty and was murdered in this apartment. A cold case. She hates New York City, too buzzy, too fluid, the traffic vulgar and boring. I intuit Ethel, which sounds like bullshit, because it is. I doubted her and she cut my hair in my sleep. Ethel hates this apartment.

idk what is up with the sentence structure here but:

Once I’ve cleared the first pot from the sink, I work on the next, a wilted clump of cilantro. Unrooting it from the splinters of terracotta and placing whatever I can salvage on a paper towel. The de-potted herbs intestinal, like webbings of medicinal veins. Ollie’s movie muttering. The motor of the refrigerator gruelling and wet. In my head I tick off the herbs I’ve saved so far: thyme, rosemary, parsley, dill. All the pots empty and bagged for the garbage. I grab the notepad from the fridge and make a note: buy better pots.

In the middle of cleaning up the pots, Reeve gets a phone call and answers, assuming it’s her landlord/roommate/semi-boyfriend Joel. I wrote all of this during a writing sprint with my buddies and I haven’t looked at it since. There are parts I like and some parts I don’t lol:

Static echoes through the speaker and it’s a telemarketer, a wrong number, a prank call from two teenage girls in Indiana, Ethel on the other line. But then there’s a clink and someone clearing their throat. “You’re in Manhattan?”

The familiar swell of his voice through the line is like the shaft of a finger tracing the notches of my spine. His voice crackles, bad connection, and I want to use it as an excuse to hang up, but don’t. I finger the leftover bits of terracotta in the sink, swirling the mud against the stainless steel.

“Who is this?” I say this because it’s easier. There are not explanations if I’m just from the city. The distant shimmer of music from his side fills the dead air, the melody gentle. Outside, Marty from the convenience store walks her golden retriever, bustling through the suburban neighborhood across the road. The woman who just started her shift at the apartment’s lobby smokes absently on the drive-up. I put the phone between my shoulder and my ear and gnaw at my fingernails.

“Your brother.” I picture him on the veranda of some Delaware beach house, playing lazy games of Parcheesi with Harrison, his hair long and unattractive to the girl he tries to impress at the public pool. Sharing a cigarette with his roommate-boyfriend-co-worker. The tobacco protruding into his lungs, feeding through his throat.

Marty and her dog have made it to the streetlamp outside of the complex; Marty on the phone, the dog sniffing at a fire hydrant. I lean over the sink and mix bits of plant fertilizer and water from the drain with my pinkie. It’s easy to imagine him by the ocean, the porch of his new place gritty with sand. The ice cream truck whirring lazily around the block.

Blowing smoke from the cigarette out the window, onto Marty and her dog, “How did you get this number?”

“Your ad in the paper. I’m calling to fill that position.”

This is the last of ‘present’ HWT that I’ll share which I do rather like! This is the continuation of their conversation:

“I think you have the wrong number.” It’s the only thing I can think of to say. I last saw Lonan nine, ten, eleven months ago, in an unmemorable daze. Sitting glumly in the shade of the cabin with a magazine and cigarette, staring sunward as we rolled out of the lot. Bristles of burr bushes, mosquitoes nipping at his elbows. His phone call feels criminal.

“Why Manhattan?” he asks.

“Better restaurants.”

“I want to fill that room you’re renting.”

“And what about Harrison?”

“He’ll come.”

“It’s an ad for a couch. You can’t both stay on the couch.”

These excerpts are from the ‘past’ version of HWT, again, the first page or so (unedited as well):

Three summers after my father died, he called the phone in my apartment and abruptly hung up. I’d heard his voice for only a second, a brief hello, and it was only when I considered the disconnect to be my fault—a clumsy fumble of the thumb, that I remembered he was dead. It was an easy write off. My father had been appearing in my dreams for six months before he first called. I told no one because I didn’t have to. I convinced myself I was going crazy. I lit a cigarette and smoked over the herb planter Joel and I had set up the week before. No matter how much I tried, every single one died. A half hour after the call, off the brim of a cornfield, a young woman named Ethel was fished out of a silo and pronounced dead.

So we have a very different first sentence/conflict, idk what this even is lool.

The following is the rest of what I’ve written. We kind of see the present version strung through to this version. This excerpt also introduces a new idea that Reeve’s been following this story religiously since it broke (which isn’t in the original).

My father was dead, Ethel was dead, the herbs in the planter were dead. I didn’t make a connection because there wasn’t one. I just followed her story on my walks to work, the easy flight downstairs to the bakery Liu only hired me at because she pitied me. Flipping through the newspapers Liu had out front for five dollars a copy on my lunchbreak, stashed behind a bulk order of red bean paste in the back room when I wanted to finish it later. In headlines, from the first arrest, to the first release, to the first plea from her parents—Ethel was only twenty. With my hair up, down, my tennis shoes on, off, on break when I should’ve been rolling filo pastry, I followed her story. Until it went cold and everyone forgot about Ethel and she became unremembered, unmemorable, unsolved. It was that easy, that tragic.

A week after her headlines ran out, she started turning the water in our shower on and off. She started turning on the TV and ejecting Ollie’s film noir rentals from the library. She started tugging on my necklaces and unscrewing the bolt of my sunglasses. The apartment was haunted I told Joel, but he didn’t believe me. He wanted proof—there would never be proof, and this is the only reason I called Foster back.

(for context she’s calling Foster for ghost hunting troubles because she knows he’s concerned he too is being haunted why do I only write about ghosts is this becoming an issue)

I like both and I think I want to find a way to fuse both together? I think both achieve different things so this is very dependant on what I’m going for! I’m at a bit of a loss, so I’ve been letting it sit and also being inspired by @sarahkelsiwrites break through with her novel and the beautiful prose she’s been pumping out! Let me know: which version do you like better? I’m still going to keep the past tense for now, but we’ll see how it goes when I dive into edits (hopefully soon!). Who knows, maybe none of this writing will end up in the final thing--we’ll have to see!

If you’re struggling with novel openings, I feel you! I’ll keep you updated as I trek through the first chapter/sort out my thoughts, but I hope you liked this post! I know it’s a bit different than usual as I’m having a visible crisis lol, but thank you for reading!

--Rachel

#writing #amwriting #writeblr #writingupdates #fostered #writerblr

51 notes · View notes

warlock-enthusiast · 4 years

Text

So, bf and I watched the Witcher up to episode ... 4 or 5? Can’t remember right now.

And what this show actually managed to do is to make me like Yennefer. She’s like the best part? The actress is fantastic and charismatic and I love her snark and her attitude. Still far too young for my taste, especially paired with a 36 year old Cavill, who is 13 years older. This sours the whole thing for me (not her fault ofc), because of many varied reasons, but I can’t watch their romance scenes without a big old “yikes”.

Cavill, to me, feels like cosplaying Geralt at times? In some scenes he sounds like 100% video game Geralt (his broody grumbling especially). I don’t appreciate the wig or him trying to use such a deep voice all the time, but in general he’s doing his job? Some dialogue is far too heavy handed “I’M NOT HUMAN.”, but his eyes are pretty.

Triss is super cute! Love her freckles. Could have made her hair a bit more auburn *cough*

I like Jaskier and I like Ciri, though I have to see more of them.

And gosh, do I appreciate that they went for diversity in everything? the townfolk, the main-cast, the side characters. good job there!

What I really really really don’t get is how this show looks so cheap at times? From the set design to the costume design (which is so freaking inconsistent and weird and has now actual grasp of anything) to the CGI. It really takes me out at times. I also miss the more slavic elements in everything, instead we get the typical “dark and gritty” look.

Oh and Nilfgard is kinda like the mustache-twirling evil? I’m not sure about how they handled those characters.

Well, not as bad as my first impression!

#the witcher spoilers #personal #spoilers #my two cents #don't come at me #people are allowed to have opinions

7 notes · View notes

nyxdelanuit · 4 years

Text

A Dream In Red Ch9

A03

Your eyes felt swollen and heavy, but you couldn’t help staring into the vermilion eyes glaring back at you. A heavy sigh rose unbidden from your chest.

“Think of this as stamina training. You’re going to witness and be a part of some rough things as a hero. If you really want to be a good pro, you’re gonna have to learn how to use your quirk even when your head doesn’t want to cooperate, Faucetface.” You quickly swiped your hand across your face, smearing the warm trail across your cheek. Bakugou was right, even though you would like nothing more than to tuck your feelings away for the night and lose yourself in your thoughts.

A swift huff and the squaring of your shoulders was all the warning Bakugou received before your eyes glossed over, fully focused on his head. The gritty taste of ash and ruin assaulted your mouth once again. It felt so real, so heavy on your tongue, you had to keep yourself from panicking. A few deep breaths carried the feeling from your mouth, but the taste remained. Without breaking your connection, you swiftly gulped down a gracious sip of your tea. It soothed the dryness, although you knew it was purely psychological.

Bakugou’s mind reminded you of the desolate landscape often shown in post-apocalyptic shows and games. It was devoid of all warmth, all sound, but fortified. His metaphorical wall shielding his mind was towering. The construction looked hurried initially but built upon over time. While it may be easier to scale the walls of his friends, his seemed perilous, both taxing to move through, but terrifyingly brittle. You felt as if you took the wrong step, you would harm yourself irreparably.

Bakugou lifted his eyebrow in your direction. He hadn’t noticed anything different, and that may have scared him more than an obvious intrusion. He didn’t yet know how to fight this. His brawn couldn’t touch his thoughts, not truly.

You were impressed that Bakugou allowed you to continue, staring blankly into his eyes for what seemed like hours. You probed carefully, trying to find a weakness or a way over, through, anything. It was a terribly slow process. What could he be hiding so deeply from everyone? You had finally found a chink in his armor and quickly took advantage before the ashy blonde could notice.

It was too much. You were worried you would never be able to pull yourself from Bakugou’s head after being bombarded by everything in his head. It was surprisingly close to the surface, but you doubted anyone had gotten past his walls. Insecurity hit you like a truck, weighing heavily on your chest. Anxiety wrapped itself around your neck, constricting your breathing. Desperation raged, hot in your veins. How did he live with this?

It started faint, but you heard something repeating through his head, like a mantra. It was a rough voice, but obviously feminine. Trying to ignore all the pain of his emotions, you focused on the voice. You saw a woman, Bakugou’s hair sitting softer on her head. She knelt in front of Bakugou, small and soft, only a child.

“Katsuki, listen to me.” She spoke to him, much too serious for a boy his age, four or five at most. “Do you know what your name means? Katsuki? It means winner. You are destined to win. My son is destined to win, and I will accept nothing more. You are my son, and my son is strong. Just like your momma.” You saw the woman cast a disdainful glance at a brunette close by, Bakugou’s father. He smiled sadly at his son, walking away from the blondes.

The words played over and over. Different settings, different memories. You are my son, and my son is strong. My son is a winner. Boastful, scornful. It was hard to differentiate. You watched again and again as she pushed him, and you watched the young boy’s anger grow and grow and at some point, burn out. He kept the ashes stoked to embers, keeping himself running on fumes. Everything at this point was out of habit.

Strong people don’t need help. Strong people don’t need friends. You are Mitsuki’s son and you are strong.

You couldn’t help yourself, you felt yourself replying to the words branded into his thoughts.

Strong people don’t need help. Strength is knowing when to ask for help.

Strong people don’t need friends. There is strength in numbers, there is strength in feeling secure around those close to you.

You are Mitsuki’s son and you are strong. You are your own, you get to decide what strength means to you.

You felt as if you were shackled to his mind, repeating your words as if possessed. You faintly felt your body sway, but you couldn’t pull away. You were compelled to fix this hurt. It was so deep, so ingrained. You wondered what would be left if it had disappeared. The swaying became more insistent, and a faint voice called you, not from Bakugou’s memories.

You awoke to yourself all at once, as if plunged into an ice bath. You felt chill, pins, and needles spread throughout your arms and legs. Bakugou sat across from you, clutching his head, but Mina sat in front of you. Her face seemed a paler pink than usual and her eyes bore into yours, worry spilling from the corners. You blinked the blurriness from your eyes as you looked around. Sun spilled through your window brightly. How long had you lost yourself to Bakugou’s head?

“Thought we lost ya for a minute.” Mina tried to laugh, but her worry seeped heavily into your thoughts. It was hard to close off the connections around you as you had delved so deeply. You turned your attention back to Bakugou, skimming the surface of his thoughts. Sharp panic swept across your tongue, sour cherry flooding your system.

“Bakugou, are you okay?” You spoke softly.

“Fuck off Faucetface.” He growled, glaring at you, but his mind spoke differently.

I’m scared, the whisper slid through your head.

“It’s okay, that was a lot.” You hummed softly. Fatigue hit you all at once, making you slouch in your chair. Mina quickly pushed a steaming cup of coffee into your hands, and you thanked whatever gods present for gifting you with such an angel. A delicate blush spread over her cheeks as your thoughts echoed in her mind.

“Sorry, hard to control right now.” You were much too tired to act sheepish about your actions. Bakugou quickly stood, knocking over his chair. You heard him stomp quickly out of your room, slamming the door behind him. Mina watched, stunned, as you didn’t react one bit to the tantrum. “He’ll get over it soon,” You assured your rose-colored friend. “Let’s go get breakfast, yeah?” Mina nodded, gathering her clothes into her arms.

A few minutes later, the two of you left your dorm. Your clothes were practical and comfortable today, the two of you agreeing that makeup wasn’t worth the effort today. Your arm intertwined with Mina’s as you quickly filled her in with what happened after she passed out. You kept Bakugou’s mind to yourself. It wasn’t your story to share, and Mina, although curious, understood.

You fell comfortably into communicating with her with just your thoughts. Sleep still weighed heavily on her mind, allowing you to calm down from your night’s adventures. The salty tang of worry washed over you as you reached the common area. Kirishima was quick to jog over to you and Mina, practically shouting in your head.

“Calm down, he’s fine.” You winced, clutching your head. A flash of guilt and relief, and you could hear yourself think again. “He wanted me to practice his quirk on him last night. I think I may have gotten into something he didn’t necessarily want me to see.” You sighed.

Mina elbowed you roughly, sending you flailing into Kirishima’s chest. A quick sorry popped into your thoughts, but Mina outwardly soldiered on with her rant. “Don’t forget the fact that when I woke up, you were so deep into his head I almost couldn’t get you to come back to us.” Mina crossed her arms, pouting at you as Kirishima helped to right yourself. His worry flashed again, cloying.

“What does she mean? Y/N, what does she mean she couldn’t get you back?” His arms on your shoulders turned you to face him. His eyes bored into yours, a true crimson and deep with concern.

“I wasn’t really prepared for Bakugou, I suppose. I know what it’s like now, so it shouldn’t happen again.” You felt Kirishima’s dislike of you getting lost in Bakugou’s head, “I also am having some trouble closing off my quirk, sorry.” You didn’t like this lack of control. It made you feel nauseous. Kirishima sighed, running his hand over your hair.

The rest of the morning dragged on quietly. As time passed, you were able to close your quirk off, the true silence in your head like a balm. By the time you had finished breakfast, the rest of the Bakusquad had shown up at your building.

You were able to take it a little bit easier today. Your Wednesday schedule mirrored your Monday schedule, and Kirishima would be with you for each class, which was a comfort for your tired brain. As you walked out of the dorm building, you noticed how easily the Bakusquad fell in around you. Mina and Kirishima stayed close to you, on each side, your hands warm in their own. Sero lagged a bit behind, claiming the hallways weren’t wide enough to walk next to Mina. Kaminari walked backwards in front of you, trying out any new pick up lines he thought up, finger guns accompanying each quip. As you approached the buildings, Bakugou slid up to the group, settling next to Sero. Your lips lifted in a soft smile, but you decided against saying anything. Kaminari opened the door, holding it open and bowing dramatically.

“After you, Princess.” With a soft giggle and a curtsy, you slipped through the door. The rest of the squad followed suit, Bakugou scowling as he stalked to his seat. You sat snugly between Kirishima and Kaminari.

With a yawn, Mina stretched and quickly got down to spreading the morning gossip. Kirishima turned in his chair to face the rest of the group, his knee brushing up against yours. Your nerves lit up at the contact, spreading a pleasant buzz where you touched.

“So there I am, lounging dutifully in Y/N’s room, right? Ready to pass out, hard. Then homegirl is getting up. Mina no likey, I wanted to use her perfect lil self as a body pillow. She throws her phone over to me and Mr. Duster Bluster says he’s outside. Now, I wanted to tell him to go, right? But darling angel over here is all like, ‘No, I’ll talk to him, blah blah blah, I’ll leave the door open,’ right?” You feel flush at your naivety, and a soft brush grazes your knee under the table. Kirishima’s hand laid open on your knee, and you gladly set your smaller hand in his. The comfort of his affection soothed you. “So here I am, listening on the other side of the door because of course I am. Guy is skeevy. And he’s all like, ‘We belong together, I’m the only one for you, I’m a big douche.’” Mina mimics Inasa, earning her a stray chuckle or two, “and I open the door. He has her up against the wall and is practically devouring her. Poor darling is crying up a storm.” Kirishima’s hand tightens around yours, and the unfamiliar spice of his anger floods your senses. Your eyes tear up at the sensation and the bitter recollection. “I chew his ass out, bring the poor thing inside and clean her up. Then I get Blasty over to her place for night watch and what does he do? Damn near breaks her head by trying to mind fight her or something. Ugh, I’m going to sleep so well tonight.” Bakugou scoffs and rolls his eyes, not bothering to correct Mina. Kirishima takes a few deep breaths, letting the spice of his anger dissolve to a more acceptable level. His hand releases yours to pull you into his chest.

I got you, his mind spoke to you, and your tears dried quickly.

All Might entered shortly after, delaying your discussion. The topic of discussion today was just some pointers on how to initially deal with the media once you debut. Your group was eerily silent during the lecture, even Kaminari taking notes.

The class past quickly, and you were reluctant to leave the comforting wall of your new friends. Kirishima stood soon after the class was dismissed, and he waited until you had gathered your things before reaching out his hand to you. You gladly took it, noticing the zing of sassiness from Mina as she watched the two of you. The two of you said your goodbyes to the squad before walking to the gym.

The walk to the gym was quiet today, but Kirishima’s soft worry and happiness invaded your head, a calming lavender. It felt nice to have someone’s attention like this. You gently let him know you tapped into his head. It was easier to convey feelings without the words muddling your meaning. His worry and happiness warred on your tongue, tart and sweet. You pushed your feelings of appreciation to him, feeling the happiness overtake the worry. You left it at that, words unsaid.

The two of you were so caught up in your heads that you didn’t seem to notice your teacher lean against the door frame, grinning wildly at your joined hands. Tetsu ran up, joining you and Kirishima for a quick chat before class. The metal boy’s energy was infectious, and you felt yourself perking up at the upcoming training.

“Alright, heroes and heroesses.” Fatgum bellowed, catching everyone’s attention with a grin. “I’m going to split you all up into pairs today. Our last class, we all came up with some things I would like you to work on, so please focus on those instructions. I’ll be goin’ round and lookin’ at all of you to make sure you’re not slacking.” He quickly started shouting out pairs, and you felt Tetsutetsu’s hand grabbing at your free hand. He obviously thought the two of you would be paired together. You belatedly realized that Kirishima’s hand still sat in yours, like an extension of your own.

“Kirishima and L/N.” Fatgum called out, earning a whine and huff from Tetsutetsu. He pouted before claiming dibs on the next free training and ran off to find his partner. You felt slightly elated at the fact you wouldn’t have to leave Kirishima’s side yet but then realized what this training would entail. Kirishima brought you over to a clear area of the gym, releasing your hand and claiming the area as yours with a simple cone.

“Go on and change, Y/N. I’ll meet you back out here.” His smile was infectious, and you smiled quickly back at him. You changed in record time, jogging back to your area and dumping the jacket on the ground nearby. You didn’t need more grappling areas when it came to Kirishima. Kirishima joined you shortly, rolling his shoulders with a grin. You took your stance opposite of him, and he fell easily into a relaxed fighting stance.

You quickly breached his head, searching purely for fears, but he expected your probing and redirected his thoughts. He focused his mind on a simple repeating melody, something he could focus his mind on while still keeping his head in the fight. With that path blocked, you felt the familiar heaviness appear behind you, your lance perfectly weighted in your hand. You rushed the redhead, trying not to give him time to activate his quirk, but he was fast. The show wasn’t as flashy as Tetsutetsu, as you didn’t spark off of Kirishima nearly as much. As your distracted him by attacking from the front, you summoned your war hammer behind him. You weren’t sure how much of your fight with Tetsu he had seen, but you weren’t surprised when he rolled to the side as the hammer missed its mark, dissolving instantly upon its failure.

While the hammer may not have hit, it did give you an opening in Kirishima’s head. Without thinking, you pulled the first fear quickly. As Kirishima pulled himself back up into a stand, big arms encircled him, lifting him from the ground.

It was big, whatever it was, and it wore a mask like a bird. The mask slipped into Kirishima’s line of sight and his eyes went wide. It seemed as if his quirk went into overhaul, sharpening each corner of his body until everything seemed to crack. You were unsure where to go from here, was this considered a win for you? You watched him, your lance aimed and ready to strike if he broke free. Kirishima struggled against the beast, his arms cutting into the ghastly apparition. It didn’t even flinch as he tore through the wispy material it was made of. Kirishima finally tore through its arms, falling to the floor with a bang. Although you were worried about your friend, you quickly readied your lance, pinning him to the ground by his jacket.

A sharp whistle broke you from the fight. Fatgum clapped as he nodded towards your arm-less apparition. “Rappa? That’s an interesting thing to create. And on such short notice.” You looked at him, a bit confused as you removed your lance. You held a hand out to help Kirishima up, but he was slapped your hand away. His skin, still Unbreakable, stung against yours almost as much as the hurt that flooded your heart.

Fatgum frowned at his protege. “Red Riot, I’m not sure how manly that was. Your opponent- and friend- won fair and square. Calm down. It’s not even a real villain." Fatgum pushed his hand through the center of the illusion Rappa, and with a gentle shake, the apparition faded into nothingness.

You watched as Kirishima’s skin softened, his head bowed. Fatgum paid him no mind, instead, coming to congratulate you. “It looks like you’ve been busy! That’s quite the upgrade from the last time huh?” You smiled at your teacher but found that you couldn’t quite feel happy about your win. Would it feel like this every time you used your quirk like this? Fatgum dismissed you to observe the other students train while he took Kirishima off to the side for more coaching. You sat at the edge of the gym, sadly staring off to the other students. You watched Iida for a while, his speed ever-increasing.

Tetsutetsu joined you shortly. “Hey lil miss, what are you doing over here all by yourself?” He playfully pushed your shoulder. You quickly filled him in on your match and he nodded softly. “Yeah, Kirishima’s fight with Rappa was always a bit of a sore spot for him. I’m sure he’ll be fine in a few minutes.” Tetsu’s reassurance calmed you.

“Looks like he got one on ya though.” You looked over at him, confused. All hits had been blocked by your lance, and although your arms ached you weren’t sure where he could have gotten a hit in. Tetsutetsu lifted your hand, and sure enough, the back of your hand was bleeding angrily. Another wave of hurt coursed through you. It was from when you tried to help him up. Tetsutetsu helped you up and led you to the first aid station. It only took a little sanitizing and a little wrap to stop the bleeding, but your heart still ached.

It took some time before Kirishima joined you and Tetsutetsu. He slunk up to you, looking ashamed. He wouldn’t look you in the eye, but you felt the brush of his hand against yours. You softly took his hand and tapped into his head. You sent a small pulse of hurt to him, and his face fell further.

‘Sorry… let me explain over lunch. My treat.’ You gave him a subtle nod, and his face warmed until it fell upon the bandage on your hand. He frowned, his brow furrowing. A delicate thumb ran over the edge.

Tetsutetsu talked you through the remainder of the class period, pointing out people he knew the quirks of and trying to guess the fears of your classmates. It was a relief for you when the class dismissed. The sooner this awkward air was cleared between you and Kirishima, the sooner you’d be able to breathe again.

The two of you walked out, hand in hand. Kirishima had pulled aside Tetsutetsu before you left, and he had surprisingly left without a fuss, saying he had some other things to take care of. Kirishima shot off a quick text before smiling at you. You walked quietly for a few minutes until Sero rounded the corner, carrying a plastic bag.

“You owe me Kirishima. Kaminari is going to give me hell when he hears I let you steal her away for lunch.” Sero grinned widely, shoving the bag into his hand. “I gotta get back before he notices I left.” With a quick wave, Sero jogged back the way he came. You laughed softly, making Kirishima smile down at you. He quickly guided you away from the bulk of the campus so you could have some privacy. He sat under a tree at the edge of campus, spreading out all of the food Sero had brought him.

“First of all, I’m sorry. That was a jerk move, slapping away your hand. I hope it doesn’t hurt too much.” You found yourself hating the taste of Kirishima’s guilt more than any other.

“It really doesn’t hurt, Kiri.” His face alighted at his nickname. “I didn’t even notice until Tetsutetsu pointed it out.” He nodded softly, chewing on a meat bun.

The remainder of your lunchtime was spent in awe as you listened to Kirishima recount his first big mission. He worked with his senpai and Fatgum, along with many other Pro-heroes and their apprentices, to take down the Eight Precepts of Death. You remembered hearing in the news about the circumstances surrounding the death of a famous Pro, but you never would have guessed that Kirishima was involved with the operation.

“I’m sorry.” You apologized softly. “I wish I had known.” Kirishima covered your hand with his, shaking his head.

“Don’t be sorry. I need to learn to deal with encounters like that. You’re helping me become stronger.” His smile could have blinded you at that point, but you would have accepted it with open arms.

The remainder of the school day passed without much event. You found yourself laid out on the grass with Kirishima, waiting for the remainder of the Bakusquad to join you. The field behind the dorms was becoming your favorite spot on campus.

Kaminari showed up first, crawling up next to you pathetically. “Today was so hard! I didn’t even get to see your pretty face as a pick me up!” You gave into his whines, pulling his head onto your shoulder. Kaminari sighed happily, wrapping his arm around your waist. “Finally! My turn to get some love!” You carded your fingers through his hair, amused by the small tingle of static. Sero and Mina joined shortly after, sitting across from you. Mina leaned tiredly against Sero, eyeing Kaminari and not-so-subtly trying to gauge Kirishima’s reaction.

The lemony burst of jealousy on your tongue was an obvious answer to you. With a sigh, you reached up, grabbing a chunk of hair at the nape of Kirishima’s head. You gently pulled him down onto your other shoulder. You enjoyed the warm afternoon sun with the boys lounging on your shoulders. The heavy breathing clued you into Mina’s spontaneous nap on Sero’s lap.

With a groan, you pushed the boys off of you. “I’m getting pins and needles! Why are your heads so heavy?” Kirishima chuckled and ruffled your hair. “Yeah, yeah, wish I could do that to you Mr. Spikes-a-lot.” You patted the tip of his spiked hair with your palm, watching as the barely moved. You glanced over to Sero, his face cherry red. Mina was soundly asleep in his lap, and his hand was ghosting over her hair. You quickly took out your phone, pulling up the camera. A shutter sound clicked loudly and Sero’s face shot up. You stared back, mischievousness oozing from your face as you showed him the picture of him and Mina.

Before he could throw a fit, Bakugou finally showed up. “Outta my spot, pipsqueak.” He toed Kaminari, who reluctantly moved, pouting the whole time. The ashy blonde plopped down next to you. You hadn’t spoken a word to each other all day or even looked each other in the eye.

Then you felt it. The gentle touch of his pinky on yours. He refused to look at you, or even in your direction, but you went with it. You tapped into his head-gently. A soft buzz and he knew you were there.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Mina woke shortly, sleepily arching a brow as she spotted Bakugou’s hand so close to yours. Thankfully she kept her mouth closed on that tidbit. The group chatted well into the afternoon. You kept your connection with Bakugou, getting glimpses of his actual meaning behind the angry words he spoke.

No one will think badly of you if you said what you meant. A spark of worry arced through your connection, and you decided to drop the conversation for today.

“Hey, we should have a party on Friday! There’s been so much going on this week, we deserve to cut loose!” Mina cheered. Sero nodded, adding that his apartment off-campus would be big enough for everyone. You were slightly nervous, you hadn’t been to too many parties. But you wanted to go to this one, everyone that was going was already a friend. You nodded your agreement and sealed the deal for the remaining boys.

All that was left was to survive until Friday.

#Kirishima Eijirou #kirishima x reader #bakusquad #mha #bnha #nyx writes #adir

2 notes · View notes

khelinski · 5 years

Text

Voluntary commitment, Pts.1-3.

Pt. 1: Voluntary commitment

A breakdown occurs. It has been boiling for quite some time. It finally happens. And boy, is it ugly.

I kneel to the floor, in tears, before my family and tell them I need to be committed. Dark thoughts have plagued my mind. It’s obvious to anyone that knows me well. It’s obvious to those that read my writings. It’s even obvious to my family. They did what they could for me – but only one person could help me get out of the gruesome gritty gutter: me. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t drive myself. So my family takes me to the nearest hospital, Osceola Medical Center near my house. I check myself in the emergency section of the hospital. Because I am still emotional from current breakdown, my family describes what I am going through. I immediately get escorted to the emergency room. A nurse checks my vitals. My family calls in my work. Another nurse draws my blood. My family waits by my side in the room. A doctor comes by and asks me questions ‘are you suicidal, etc-etc.’ My answers are simplified yes or no. I still can’t fully speak.

A cop comes by and searches me for weapons. I wait for another couple of hours in the room. During that time, an orderly keeps guard of me in the room. I am on suicide watch.

More vitals are checked. Registering comes in to jot down my insurance information. A urine sample is requested. I am also asked to change out of my street clothes and into a hospital gown. I do so. I hand my clothes to my family. The only thing on me is the hospital gown, underwear underneath, and a pair of socks.

After some more time (and an assortment of emotions washing over me), I am told they have a bed for me up in the fourth floor (the psych ward). I am told I will be held for 72 hours. I gulp, full of nerves. All I can picture is ‘One Flew Over a Cuckoo’s Nest’ or ‘Girl Interrupted.’ I wasn’t too far off from the insane reality.

My family says goodbye to me, wishing me luck. They hold back their tears while I don’t hold back mine. How the hell did I get to this point in my life? How did I wind up at a place like this? And how the hell am I going to get myself out? I didn’t ask myself those questions until my second day. You see, I am still in the middle of my breakdown.

After some more time – I am escorted into various sections of the hospital. I then am held in an empty room in a gray, bleak, blah-lookin’ floor with multiple rooms, beds, etc-etc. A holding cell of some kind? There is a bed attached to the wall center of the room I am placed in. I lay down. Another set of heavy emotions washes over me. Two doctors come by soon after – one that is asking me medical questions and the other that is asking me mental questions simultaneously. ‘Are you feeling depressed?’ ‘Are you allergic to any medications?’ ‘What brought you here?’ ‘Did you had a tetanus shot in the last five years?’ ‘Are you suicidal?’ Question after question.

After being interrogated – they tell me to wait for a bit. I lay there with my eyes closed. I don’t even remember what was on my mind then. The breakdown (and the thoughts) was a blur. After some more time – I am escorted to the fourth floor.

Once I enter – the very first impression I have: I am in hell.

Screaming in the hallway. Patients that appeared to be insane are walking down the hallways freely in hospital garbs. I am wearing a matching set of the finest meh clothing a hospital can provide.

And so begins my four days in an enclosed mental hospital…

Pt. 2 : Day One - Saturday.

I walk into the psych ward. I already smell hospital. And it’s cold. VERY COLD.

I pass a screaming female patient, yelling that she wants to call the police. I didn't catch the entire conversation. To the right is the nurse's station. There are two hallways between the nurse’s station. To left is the male wing. The right is the female wing. I am being lead to my room. There are two beds in the room. My twin bed is toward the window. My roommate is in his bed toward the bathroom entrance/exit of the room, snoring away. I lay in bed for a while, lost in thoughts/emotions/my new reality. Ever so often, my roommate's snoring breaks my thoughts. A nurse comes by, and asks me how I am doing. They take my vitals. I then get a grand tour of my new home for a few days. I am still wearing the lovely hospital gown.

I am shown the board with various times/activities/meals/etc-etc. I am shown the cafeteria. Dinner is starting soon. I get handed a small Tupperware container, consisting of the following: non skid hospital socks, towel, shower cap, shampoo, lotion, toothpaste, flimsy toothbrush, and deodorant. I go back to bed for a few. My roommate is still snoring away.

Little bit later, a doctor comes in. He asks if we could talk. He escorts me to what is called the 'quiet room' in the male wing across from my room. Three comfy chairs and a small bookcase of selected/donated books reside in the room. Being a book nerd, I quickly glance at the books. Bibles, meh mid-grade novels and authors occupy the shelf. I tried reading two of the books during my four-day stay. Couldn't get past a chapter with both books.

The doctor asks how I am doing, why did I come in, and an assortment of questions to gather information for quick diagnoses.

Afterwards - I walk into the cafeteria. There is a long line. The floor is sticky. The room smells. And I am still in my hospital gown. I am starting to notice there is a range of various ages, race, and stories people has for the reason they are here. I still didn’t talk much.

I get my styrofoam tray of food. Pasta and meatballs. My stomach is grumbling, I haven’t eaten since the day before. But I have no appetite. I pick at it – eating some portions that is on the plate. It's not the greatest tasting in the world. The smell of the room turns me off from eating further. I get up to throw the tray away (their garbage cans consist of tall lawn paper waste bags). A black fella asks me if I could give him the cake that’s on my plate. He’s my roommate – surprisingly awake. I hand him my cake without saying anything, and walk out of the cafeteria. I head back to my room. I walk past an young girl, screaming at the nurses that she’s going to call the police if they don’t let her out. The nurses taunt the young girl: ‘what is the police going to do?’

I lay down for a bit, processing my new reality. Then I get up and head back to the nurses’ station. I ask if I could make a phone call. The times to use the phones are during lunch, dinner, and later in the evening before bed. But they make an exception for me. I call my family, letting them know that I am okay, that I am sorry, and about the clothes situation. I can wear (based on what I see others' wear) PJ pants and hoodies, but with no string attached. I couldn’t get a hold of them, so I leave a message.

I walk back to my room and lay down. By then, my roommate is in his bed – and is awake. We introduce ourselves. He tells me a little bit about why he’s here. I tell him a little bit about me. He then passes out. Me? I lay there, staring at the ceiling. I then look out the window. Silver lining in this black cloud - fourth floor of the hospital is a great view of the St. Cloud/Kissimmee area.

Some time passes, and I am being asked by an orderly to come up to the nurse’s station. I head up there. They have some clothes for me my family dropped off (thank you, thank you, thank you), consisting of:

-Grey sweatpants, no string. -Homer Simpson PJ pants, no string. -Margaritaville t-shirt -Jurassic World hoodie, no string. -Two pairs of underwear.

I sign for it, and head back to my room. I immediately take off the ugly, uncomfortable hospital gown and into the Simpsons pants and Jurassic hoodie (which I wore for three days straight). I already feel human, sort of. When you are confined in a place like this – small things like receiving clothes from the outside world brings you joy. I am starting to realize the simple pleasures I had are now gone for a time being.

I lay down and close my eyes. Some time passes. I catch a few z’s. But sleep’s cut short. I wake by ear-piercing arguing at the nurse’s station. I get up and see what the commotion is about. A young girl is arguing on the phone.

I head back to bed and try to sleep. I can’t. So I lay there looking out the window. It’s dark.

Little bit later, I am told it’s snack time. I glance at what they are serving. I still have no appetite. I am ready for my PM meds, though. I go to the nurse’s station and inquire. I sense an annoyance with them. Some are on their phones. I ask about my meds, and they told me to wait later – midnight nurse will get my meds for me.

I head back to bed. My roommate is snoring away. I close my eyes and pretend I am somewhere else. I hear loud voices in the hallway. An obnoxious, older male patient jokes around with the nurses. Young girl is still arguing on the phone. Nurses raises their voices with their own private conversations.

Midnight nurse finally comes in little bit later, checks my vitals, asks key questions ‘are you hearing any voices,’ ‘are you having any thoughts,’ ‘when was your last bowel movement?’

I then am told that my meds will be ready in a few minutes. A few minutes turn into ten minutes. Ten minutes turns into twenty minutes. But I finally get my meds. I head back to bed, close my eyes, and doze off. Exhaustion from my breakdown and the emotions that came with it – exhaustion from waiting in the hospital – just, plain, exhaustion hits me. I even forget I am in a hospital (and in what section of the hospital I am in) for a very very VERY short amount of time. Reality comes knocking in a few hours later in the middle of the night, when I wake up from a) loud nurses joking, laughing, talking in the hallway, and b) nurses that come in the room every 15 minutes, touches a button on the wall, flashes an light, and paces out of the room. I asked a nurse on my third day, why they do that. I was told they do that to keep check of our bodies, to make sure we are still alive/breathing as we are sleeping. Cameras in our rooms don’t capture everything.

I couldn’t go back to sleep.

By 6 am, lights are turned on, nurses announce for us to wake up and line up to a room across the hallway for blood work. My second day begins…

Pt. 3: Day 2 - Sunday.