#it's about GRIEF. it's about LOVE WITH NOWHERE TO GO. etc.

[altschmerzes]

Fleabag 2x04 | The Bear 1x08 "Braciole"

[small-strong-bookish-butch]

How I don't Know my siblings (or not in any way that matters) and both of them— and arguably, all three of us, me too— don't share much about their lives or feelings, how we're all each Adults With Jobs and have grown to be very separate people (from each other?)

And IDK if it's me or if it's who/how I am as a person, or if it's because I'm autistic and like, deeply crave connection with people who Actually Deeply Want to know me and Actively try to do that and reach out to me too

Or if it's just how my brain works + that I can't figure out a way to say "You recommended this new media to me and said I would like it, and it will take my brain 90 days of regular energy to even think about consuming it, so I most likely will never watch/listen to it, but it's not because I think you have bad taste in stuff, my brain simply does Not do that"

Like on some level it's like... I (the littles) deeply want to feel connections with them/connected to them or like there's this Deep Forever Familial Bond that a lot of allistic people/people with good relationships with their family seem to talk about

And then on a deeper level, it's like... (the protectors) but that's not realistic. And realistically, honestly, tangibly, etc, my relationships with both of them are like, fine. It's Fine™️. It's fine and it's neutral, or maybe slightly connected for a conversation, at best, and disconnected and lonely and painful at worst, and I'm just So Different than either of them

The most realistic feeling I have about either of them is that it feels like it wouldn't really matter at all if I didn't hear from them for several weeks/months/possibly years/etc

My therapist pointed out that maybe it's worth connecting with my brother, because even if it's not a deep connection this time, it could maybe lead to more connection or meaningful conversations in the future, which is a good point. But it's also... so much emotional energy and work for something that doesn't feel ?real? to me

All this is to say, I don't understand when people argue to keep relationships open (in the sense of not cutting them off) and talk regularly "because they're family", because like, I feel like I am doing that and it's still a lot of work and it feels like keeping connections with family just for the sake of being related by blood is actually a very bad reason if you don't really like the other people that much at all

(To be fair, my therapist did hear me out about this and said that it makes sense to also keep relationships with people who are actively wanting and trying to be in relationships with me.)

(My brain is just Stuck about it right now)

IDK, I spent a short amount of time around my brother recently, and his whole thing right now is working and trying to save money so he can move to a different state this summer, and he's recommended his favorite comedian to me but I haven't listened to her (see above paragraph). And like, I don't know who his friends are or anything emotionally vulnerable like that. And my brain is like "okay. This is his Whole thing. He's a person who doesn't even especially want to be here with other people, or make conversation with you either, so why are we in this room together?"

[saltwater-creature]

*randomly remembering "you were loved, you cannot take loved away" and "life is too short and love is too long"* ough

[athousandbyeol]

i can't stop thinking about this scene.

it was so light-hearted. sheng wang was all-smiley after finishing (perhaps multiple rounds) of revising and studying. but the lively atmosphere simmers down into this thick and stifling tension once jiang tian opens his closet.

honestly, if i were sheng wang, i would have so many questions too. why is he packing? is he going somewhere? but where? so, whatever sheng wang is thinking or feeling at the moment is valid (to me, at least, it is.)

i think it has so much to do with sheng wang's expression here (liu dong qin, the actor you are) that breaks my heart into tiny, million pieces.

it's in the way his eyes follows every movement of jiang tian, but particularly directed at the opened luggage, that has me thinking of sheng wang's fear of separation. the trauma he experienced when he was just a little boy.

i can't imagine how he felt when he saw his beloved mother collapsing to the ground—at the age so little to grasp the situation—to comprehend the meaning of sadness and grief and death.

he was broken. he was devastated. but those feelings as a child were just feelings. but the adult sheng wang now understood that those feelings come with bitter memories and realisations that death is inevitable, and death is permanent. his mother won't come back to him no matter how frequently she visits him in his dreams (and wake).

his heavy breathing. his fixated stare. that feeling of abandonment is washing over him again. they're coming in slow, steady and destructive.

so when jiang tian approaches him with the said book that has more extensive questions, he still can't look away. not until jiang tian realises that sheng wang's attention is now elsewhere.

and he finally asks,

i personally adore how benjamin acted this scene out. jiang tian immediately glances over at the luggage, somehow already knowing the context/direction of this conversation. (it's in the subtlety of benjamin's acting here that has me going nuts.)

when sheng wang asks this question, it reminds me of this scene in episode 1,

jiang tian was looming in front of sheng wang's house, wondering if he should stay or leave. possibly his only destination would be uncle ding's house. maybe he has nowhere to go, to be honest.

sheng wang immediately called him, voicing out his thoughts. and the context is similar—are you leaving?

although jiang tian answers sheng wang's question, not leaving him hanging the way he did in episode 1, it's still not enough. the reason being, as of right now, we're knowledgable of sheng wang's past. but what about jiang tian? we know nothing about him. we just know this boy is closed off and distant and cold and grumpy. but why?

these questions are the answers. but sheng wang doesn't know. not yet.

they could have just dropped the conversation here. but this is one of (the many) things i notice about sheng wang: he's always curious. always seeking answers. even in his studies, he would ask crab (i love you, friend) for the solution. and we saw some instances where jiang tian would share the method he used, etc, only to help him. and i think it's being presented at a different light here. sheng wang is waiting. he's waiting for jiang tian to give him answers.

as jiang tian says it's a habit, it might not be the answer sheng wang wanted, but it was needed, at least, only for the night.

it's so overwhelming to me how jiang tian has always been providing sheng wang with safety, happiness, anger, irritation, fun, answers and questions. how susceptible sheng wang is with everything jiang tian is. they are like mirrors reflecting one another. because for me, jiang tian is like a closed book, but i could understand him once i start reading. but sheng wang, he's more layered. he's open but also secretive. he expresses emotions, but not everyone reciprocates and understands him. not until jiang tian.

and i'm no longer sane in the head because of this.

[yns-world]

Queen of Hearts

Title: Queen of Hearts

Pairing: Homelander x Supe!Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: mentions of physical and mental anguish

A/N: dc/the boys au sort of. fem reader. 

dare i say fatima is coming out of retirement??? we don't know....but we enjoy whatever fics we can LMAO

i just finished the first season of the boys and i absolutely love my man homelander 😩 my dms are fully open for any and all homelander requests--hcs, drabbles, stories, etc!!! lmk if y'all wanna see more of this supe!reader :) (please keep your requests spoiler free thank you)

as always, enjoy!

Queen of Hearts. America’s Heart. The healer for The Seven. One touch from her can soothe any pain and mend the fragments of the mind and body.

From a very young age, Y/N was dubbed to have “angel hands”, with the ability to mend her family’s aches with just a single touch. By the time she was in high school, she was mending to her friends and their stress-induced ailments. With one brush of their hair, she was able to relieve them of all the mental or emotional discomfort.

When the recruitments for the next member of The Seven were open, Y/N applied because she had thought that she could provide aid in the face of all the misery and destruction that is left behind in a superhero’s wake.

She got in, of course. But she also got more than she could chew. 

Y/N’s original hero name was going to be “Angelica”, to pay homage to what her father would call her gift of “angel hands”. Vought had other plans.

“From now on, you are the reigning Queen of Hearts!” A contract broker exclaimed. Confusion painted Y/N’s face.

“I thought I was going to be Angelica?”

“Angelica is just another name, and you are not ‘just another person’. You are going to save millions, you are going to have an entire kingdom of dutiful followers that will worship you-- a benevolent monarch that bestows mercy on all those in her way. You will tend to those who suffer the greatest of pains: a heart shattered by grief.” Y/N didn’t know if she was speaking with a lawyer or a salesman from the sound of his spontaneous speech. From that day forward, her fate was sealed. 

From the very first press conference of her debut, Y/N was merely a little girl of the past, and the Queen of Hearts had begun her infamous reign. 

Signing posters with her face on it, performing interviews on talk shows, the Queen of Hearts was just getting warmed up for the real rally. 

When it came to the devastating wars and protests that went on in the nation, the Queen was sent to inspect the scene. Of course, the Queen always outperformed. Visiting house to house, sitting down with not just the victims, but the neighbors of the victims. Getting to know each and every citizen that could even have heard about what travesty had gone down. And during these visits, the Queen would have a healing hand on the people while her voice poured honey into their ears.

It worked. Each and every time. Just like how Vought wanted.

What people don’t realize, what people refuse to discuss, is how her powers work.

Her powers neither heal nor destroy, they simply conduct the transfer of pain into her body. She feels everything they have felt, she swallows all the things that their body has been fighting off. And she carries these burdens with her.

Her career with The Seven was lucrative in the first few years. What the nation needed most was not just a hero, but a mother. The Queen of Hearts provided that. 

Vought had trained her how to take on the burdens of thousands of people at once, but lacked in training her how to dispose of the weight she now carried.

When she was younger, Y/N would go into periods where she would shut herself off from the world. For weeks at a time, she would be paralyzed from the anguish, she could feel the poison slithering up and down her body like a parasite, and she would silently pray for death. 

But the Queen can’t just take time off from her role. With nowhere else to turn, she drowns out her sorrows in the only alternative-- fight grief with the cause of grief.

“According to Insider information, it appears that the Queen of Hearts is allegedly dating notorious criminal and psychopath, Joker. When asked for a comment, the Queen replies with: ‘He’s a person, too.’”

Feeling too many feelings all the time, hearing so many shouts of terror and agony in her head, the only antidote she seeks for is the exact opposite-- a man that couldn’t care less for the public. A man that bestows this agony onto others.

If Y/N could never escape from this hellhole of a life, then maybe the Queen could have a taste of what it’s like to live a different life. 

On his wild, maniacal hunts for money and killing, the Queen would be riding shotgun while the Joker took the wheel of his gold-decked lamborghini.  

Vought was pissed when the news broke out, but there wasn’t much they could do but assign the Queen smaller missions out in the middle of nowhere to try and “separate” her from the Joker until the news died down. But the Queen was tired of listening and bowing her head. And she also learned of how much they needed her rather than her needing them. 

Everytime the Joker would start a fiasco with dozens of victims, who would be the first at the scene? None other than his loving girlfriend, of course.

The public reaction might’ve been worse for wear in the beginning, but now that the Queen is doing damage control for her maniacal boyfriend, the public sees no problem with this relationship. 

If anything, it has opened the minds of thousands, and created a path for heroes and villains of all kinds to band together. And of course, where there’s money to be made, the companies come swooping right behind them.

But there came a time when the Joker took it too far, when not even the mother of the nation could undo his wrongs.

On his insatiable conquest for hell on Earth, the Joker attacked a nuclear power plant in an attempt to dismantle a system that was already built on the blood of its people. 

The Queen of Hearts was at the scene before first responders or the press, and what she saw alone left her writhing. 

The shrieks of innocent civilians, pounds of flesh and skin melting off the bone, shaky hands reaching out from the ground for a savior. 

The people needed a savior. 

The people needed a god.

She could not be what they needed her to be.

She fought that instinct to flee for so long, she pushed back and stayed for years. She gave up skin into the game, she thought that she had killed off that child inside of her. But it was in this moment-- where everywhere she looked was another soul begging to be put out of their misery, where there were thousands of souls waiting to be added onto the tremendous weight she already carries-- was when all of that weight finally cracked. 

Queen of Hearts looked up at the night sky, expecting to see stars but only to be met with clouds passing overhead. 

Well, one star did strike through the suffocating fumes-- Homelander.

She met his face, her eyes were filled with despair and her face twisted in despair, and he gave her a reaffirming nod. He would take it from here. 

Homelander watched as the Queen’s mask fell from her face and Y/N bolt into the night-- just before anyone noticed.

In the following weeks since the nuclear plant incident, Y/N holed up at the tower. Both the heroes and corporate knew it was better this way.

“Let sleeping dogs lie.” Stillwell said.

When she finally emerged from her self-induced banishment, the Queen was reborn. 

Stillwell hosted a PR conference the size of which whenever she would debut another hero. And that she was.

“I introduce to the world a new era of superhero. Please welcome, Sultana!” Out from the curtains came the new and improved Y/N. Replacing her red and black garments from her Queen of Hearts days was a lavish gold and evergreen suit.

New suit, new hair, new smile.

This time, Y/N knew better. 

This time, Sultana would stick to the script. 

The script included her being with Homelander, and she was fine with that. During team-ups, during walks across the red carpet, during meetings with Congress, Sultana would be right by Homelander’s side with a smile and a pleasant wave. Just like Vought intended.

Just as Homelander wanted it to be. 

Afterall, they weren’t superheroes, that’s foolish to think they are.

They just played a pretty part, and gave a bright smile. 

DON'T BE A GHOST READER! let me know your thoughts and how you feel about this fic!!! i love talking to each and every one of y'all <333

lmk if y'all wanna see more of this supe!reader type of stuff...or if y'all wanna see this specific character :D

if you enjoyed this post, then please consider reblogging :) every little bit helps and i greatly appreciate it <3

i'm open to homelander requests as of right now, so feel free to drop your ideas!!!

as always, please check my pinned post for request rules and the fandoms i write for :)

[travelerpoetry]

Of Atlantean descent Maddie Fenton

I've been thinking about a few things specifically Maddie being of Atlantean descent the line she comes from was minor royalty that specialises specifically in protection (Family, People, Land etc.)

Her great-great-great-grandfather was estranged from his family due to falling in love with a human woman who showed such passion in wanting to help get rid of pollution and help sea and on-land wildlife that were seriously hurt by man-made machines recover and be released into the wild once more and after a whirlwind romance with adventure and soft touches years later they had a child and they couldn't be happier.

But due to a complicated family matter her great- great-great-grandfather's Father called him back home to Atlantis, her great-great-great-grandfather did not expand on the issue any further. He claimed in one of the old letters Maddie found that he'd be back soon and not to worry about him

But in his absence, her great-great-great-grandmother fell sick with a deathly Illness that killed her before her great-great-great-grandfather could return and it was in fact her Great-great-great-grandmother's neighbour who found her dead and her child (Maddie's great-great-grandfather) in the crib next to her bed crying for his dead mother's attention.

The neighbour of course called the police who in return came with child protective services that placed her great-great-grandfather in a foster Family due to not finding her great-great-grandfather's Father.

Her great-great-great-grandfather came back only to find everything he knew gone his Wife? Nowhere to be found, his Son? Can't be found. Maddie's great-great-great-grandfather stricken with grief over the Family he lost soon died from Heartbreak.

But her great-great-grandfather had kept photos of himself as a baby with his Mother and a Ring.. a Ring that was as he was told placed next to him in the crib he was lying in as he was found that fateful night by his Mother's neighbour.

The Ring became an Heirloom passed from generation to generation. until Maddie finally got her curious little hands on it on her tenth Birthday and Maddie knew.. she knew that there was something special about that Ring that was so beautiful with shells and fish-shaped crystals that were littered across the ring in a pattern and little ten-year-old Maddie was right the artefact as she had realised it wasn't just a ring had helped her breath underwater she had gills! And scales! But sadly no tail... but little Maddie was ecstatic!

and Maddie kept the ring well into her adulthood and as she finally started a Family with the man she loved Jack and furthered her research into the ecto-entities she grew happier, happier than she had ever been happier than when she was in the water free to explore and relax.

Her oldest Jasmine showed no signs of being as drawn to the ocean as she was as a child but Jazz still could hold her breath at a minimum of 17 minutes! Jazz also seemed to not particularly care for the ring though commenting multiple times that she finds the ring to be beautiful .

Her second oldest Danny had been drawn to the Ring, he constantly begged to have it when he was younger until Maddie had given him the ring permanently. Danny loved the ocean and went to visit it a few times a month and after her Son had revealed the fact he had died due to the machine that Maddie and Jack built and that the ocean was the only place he was truly at peace? Well, she and Jack made sure to tell him how much they loved him how he would always be their son no matter what and that they promised to go to the beach more often with the family if he truly felt that much better there.

After She and Jack found out about Dan and Eliie? Well, they welcomed both with a big bear hug courtesy of Jack and his Joy of finally being able to pamper younger children again. Both were apparently de-aged due to them not being very stable in this timeline but Maddie and Jack couldn't careless they were just so happy that there were no more secrets between all of them and that they could finally be a truly Happy family but ofcourse before that She and Jack had forced Vlad into therapy and he's slowly redeeming himself.

Now nothing could surprise the Fenton Family anymore!

That was what they thought before an Atlantean King came knocking on their door claiming that Maddie was related to him.. oh well what is a new Family member to this already chaotic but loving Family?

Sender : The Traveler

Addressed to: You my dear reader

[wraether]

I haven't posted about Gaza 'cause a couple years ago I decided to keep all my politics & activism exclusively offline — something about IRL efforts being more grounded, less performative, and generally better (and it's been more productive and fulfilling)

That aside, after 100+ days it feels like all efforts go nowhere. I'm keeping up with the news, having conversations with everyone I can, wearing a Palestine pin in solidarity, hanging posters around campus (rehanging them when they get taken down), boycotting BDS targets, buying e-sims, etc. etc. … and nothing changes.

It's too easy to feel guilty and hopeless when the so-called ""free world"" remains completely complicit & funds the damn genocide. The grief has its place, I think it'd be odd to witness atrocities and feel nothing, we must grieve for the martyred.

But, idk, feeling bad isn't praxis. And even as I feel bad, and as my efforts feel less and less productive, I think it's important to just keep doing it — action will always be better than inaction. Better to keep trying than to be complicit. Feeling bad doesn't free gaza, and I think knowing I'm doing all I can helps with the "feeling bad" thing, too, so it's symbiotic in a way. And I urge everyone to keep doing all they can, too. (Especially if you're only posting, buy an e-sim and do something IRL for the love of god)

And even when it feels useless just keep doing it more. Palestine will be free.

[hamletthedane]

I’m a big Hamlet fan and I am curious as to what your favorite movie/for screen rendition is? I’ve been working my way through a lot of them, gone through about 7, so far Hamlet at Elsinore with Christopher Plummer is my favorite. I was just curious what yours is !

What a great question!!

Hamlet at Elsinore is definitely my favorite filmed version of the play. I feel that Christopher Plummer does a fantastic - and frankly critically underappreciated - job of portraying the more nuanced and complicated aspects of Hamlet's character while still giving a straightforward performance that's highly accessible to any audience. Notably, he doesn't treat the performance as his ~*~epic, defining role of a lifetime~*~ or ~high artistic theater~ (*cough* Branagh and Jacobi), but instead focuses on telling a deeply compelling, very moving story about the complex nature of grief and revenge. I also like that this version embraces the more "postmodern" elements that exist in the written text of Hamlet: the complicity of the audience, the inevitability of the outcome, Hamlet's genre-awareness and genre-defiance, etc.

[Not to keep hating on Branagh, but in contrast: Branagh's Hamlet in particular seems to go out of its way to avoid including the more interesting proto-postmodern thematic elements of the play - at times not seeming to recognize that they're even there. He instead focuses his time and energy on inserting new cinematography-based visual themes that go nowhere and at times stand in OPPOSITION to the actual tone and themes of the original text. Because apparently Hamlet the play is too boring and instead of lame elements like "themes" and "compelling characterization," we need a swinging chandelier sword fight scenes and Freudian weirdness. Truly the Joel Schumacher Phantom of the Opera adaptation of Shakespeare films. But I DIGRESS-)

Plus it doesn't hurt that everybody aside from Plummer in Hamlet at Elsinore is also fabulous. Obviously, Michael Caine's Horatio is the single best and most definitive version of the character in film, but I also love Robert Shaw's Claudius and Muller's Ophelia.

If we're talking favorite filmed versions of the STORY of Hamlet though, that's Asta Nielsen's silent film from 1921. It's so beautifully filmed and wonderfully told. She's what I picture when I picture Hamlet.

Other than that....I like Tennant and Stewarts' RSC filmed version well enough. It has a number of very strange choices and I don't love the re-ordering of the scenes, but Tennant does a great job with the character and I think it's a very approachable performance. A few other filmed stage versions are also excellent, though with a few similarly weird elements - I'd put Maxine Peake's version on the same tier as the RSC version. I do NOT like Branagh's version at all (if you couldn't already tell...). Jacobi's and Gibson's are slightly better, but they're still too focused on the prestige of the performance rather than the actual story being told imo. I think they fall under the same criticism as Holden Caulfield's scathing review of Laurence Olivier: "more like a general than a sad, screwed-up type guy." (Yes I know this line is an in-text authorial critique of Holden himself but also: he's right and he should say it.)

If you haven't already, I do highly recommend listening to the BBC Radio 4 audiodrama version of Hamlet, starring Jamie Parker. Despite being a audio version of a stage play, it somehow blows every filmed version of Hamlet (except maybe HAE) out of the water. I listen to it at least once a year.

Finally, my actual favorite versions of Hamlet have ALWAYS been those I've seen live (or seen bootleg filmed stage performances of lmao). If it's ever playing live near you, definitely go and see it. The play was meant to be seen on a live stage in front of you, and many of the jokes and themes only make sense in that context. In my opinion, the medium of live theater elevates the play so far beyond what a movie could ever achieve.

...sorry this answer is so long 😅 Really, it doesn't matter what my opinions on Hamlet films are. If any version of the play really speaks to you - even if it's the accursed Branagh version - that is so awesome and makes me really happy people are engaging with the play in that way! (But since you're saying that HAE is your favorite so far, I will add that you have excellent, discerning taste ;))

[ganondoodle]

fuck it, elden ring DLC rant (spoilers) (long post ... oh dear)

so, to start this- this is a very emotional reaction, so take everything with a ton of salT (i need to get this out of my system bc i need to go and do stuff today, i literally couldnt get much more than 3 hours of sleep bc my mind was racing) i only know two screenshots and what others have told me (thank you) so i might be missing more context and havent seen or read it myself

(more details and spoilers for the DLC below the read more thingy)

also, just to explain a bit, i dont usually get this upset about things i like, i like alot of things, but its RARE as fuck that i care, like actually care care about something, and that just kinda happens, i dont choose it or can decide to not care, i just do, and when something like this happens its like ... a sort of grief? i cant help but care about it but it messes with me emotionally, i have no control over it and cant change anything about it when it gets bad or done dirty, leavign me to just have to watch it be real even when i dont want to accept it-- i wouldnt say so much that i 'expect' somethign specific and cant handle when its not like that (common accusation about disliking totk)- and no i dont have somethign specific in mind, i just dont want it to be bad OR things that seem done and closed off suddendly out of nowhere be revealed to 'actually' have been like this, new stuff that either makes no sense or invalidates alot about what i valued about it, what i thought was the point

(i remember two .. my only two other intersts before- see what i mean RARE- that also went down simiarly like this; transformers (bay movies and mainly prime series, listen i didnt choose it either) with each movie it got more messy and stupid, primes second(?) season had an end i hated and the following movie was the final nail in the coffin- and one piece after that, which i slowly fell out of love with bc every chapter seemed to go more into a direction i didnt like, then the reveal that luffy is a god actually was my final ok i hate that moment)

i knew demise for a long time but wasnt obsessed about him at all, it took me learning about how hylia was depicted in a non canon (?) manga (which made me annoyed me bc i didnt like it and made a design for her to counter demises instead) and then reading his few lines of dialog about her again that it suddendly HIT me, like cupids arrow into my head-- i liked but wasnt that super interested into elden ring until radahn showed up, instantly his design made me go owo and then learning his (base game) lore it HIT me (i love sort of tragic side characters that might have been powerful or heroic at some point but now arent anymore- not saying he is that elden rings lore i messy and no ones good tm- and especially so if that character is widely hated for no good reason, dismissed or forgotten, has little lore etc)

i have things i like but dont care this much about, like okami or bloodborne, i like it alot, theres characters i really like (oki) but im not like, fixated on them?- and to have two at the same time, while not equally strong, i dont think i had before, and then have both be damaged or potentially lose it in a similar way within barely a year hurts so damn much--- anyway, getting into the actual rant now lol

so, to sum things up (that i know), in the elden ring DLC later on

miquella is actually a master manipulator and brainwasher (even to his sister???? which means alot of impactful things about his relationship to people is kinda invalidated or made meaningless, shitty)

he wanted to become a god by marrying radahn (his half? brother, same father) of all people that has never been mentioned before until now somehow?? ) you can argue it was hinted to but i find it completely out of left field

miquella sent malenia after radahn to kill him so he could be put into the realm of shadow so miquella could marry him (there were better candidates for that??)- its unclear (to me) if radahn ever actually accepted when sound of mind or even knew about it at all, but failed and he was isntead inflicted with rot to slowly waste away but not die (like he is in base game)

which also means that, what i found really impactful in base game, the festival of radahn, that i thought was a tragic sort of last wish/effort for of radahn to grant him an honorable death as a respected general after being made into mindless people eating zombie, organized by his soldiers/friends- might have been just yet another attempt to kill him and get him over there to miquella (and even if not, it still makes it way less impactful and now i feel like letting him continue to roam as a zombie is more of a favor than killing him bc hes just gonna a puppet again! which turns the whole tradgedy of the stuff in base game on its head imo)

you need to kill him to get into the DLC (and i was even sus of that but shrugged it off when i heard it ..) bc that way miquella could take whatever was left of his soul and stitch it into mohgs corpse?? (which is why hes so small in that DLC fight) bc his body was rotten by that point, which also allowed miquella to control radahn and make him agree, force him to do whatever miq wanted (which ALSO might mean mohg 'kidnapping' miquella wasnt that actually but mohg too was manipulated so oud kill him and make his remains usable)

radahn in DLC is a voiceless meat puppet essentially ... like a mindless rotting zombie eating friends and fow alike wasnt enough- also means that we never ACTUALLY GET OT KNOW RADAHN HIMSELF bc hes eithe a zombie or a literal puppet (if you are gonna do him dirty at least let us meet actual real him *cries*)

his fight is super hard apparently (though i have been hearing people complain about the entire DLC being too hard, while the -casual player- streamer i watched is beating main bosses so fast they dont even get to start their second phase) when his fight in base game, and him by extentsion, was also hated bc of that ALREADY, which means more people are gonna hate his guts (he doesnt deserve that!!) AND most people probably wont get or care that its not actually HIM him so its like a repeat boss that everyone hates

it feels weirldy forced in for it to be radahn (like miquella was already said to be one of the strongest gods out there .. why hed want radahn so badly when his goal seemed to be rather .. combat less?? if you get what i mean, and radahn also rejected him??? and the tarnished is right there too????) bc theres plenty others it would have worked with that are barely used- it feels like someone jsut wanting him to be tha main guy not matter what (when he worked so much better as a side character!!!!)

a tragic but well rounded off side character (imo) was made into the main guy this is all about actually tm (i generally dont like main guys and this jsut feels so .... it just hurts, it didnt feel foreshadowed at all, and its not even truly HIM that is reveal to be a creepy asshat but hes just manipulated and controlled with the whole time, be it by rot or miquella)

and for miquella its like, no theres no even mildly good people there, hes brainwashed and manipulated everyone actually tm, a giant plan all to force his half brother into marrying him by making him into a corpse puppet bc he rejected miquella- inlcuding potentially manipulating his own twin sister, which goes agaisnt what you learn of what hes done for her in the base game i think?? (not that much into that part but yeah ... it feels unfair to her too)

it also kinda just leaves other lore from the base game in the dust? like the whole haligtree plan, how miquella cared for the rejected (i guess he didnt then??? and it was just more manipulation tm??) that castle with the eclipse stuff

(is the gloom eyes queen, marika, and or st trina even .. important at all to any of this??)

ok from reading tweets from people talkign about it, miquella says radahn agreed apparently but whether thats true remains uncertain and given the circumstances i do not think radahn did- others said that it kinda sounds he agreed to something that he didnt think would involve him marrying miquella

everything feels like its in shambles for every fan of every involved chaarcter

yes i know you can argue that it was all planned from the start and meant to be a twist and everything and that people having a different idea of characters isnt the fault of the creators .... only to some degree bc why then build up make so much lore and story about stuff that turns out to be like saying 'actually it was all a lie' like its not valid to feel betrayed then, you can plan things out all you want but that doesnt mean it cant be bad oder underwhelming

(i wished to be able to meet or know more about radahn but like in a non rot way or like past flashback whatever kind of way and then not like this anyway, like i was interested into his relationship with jerren and just .. more about him i suppose the monkey paw has curled hasnt it -or however you say that-)

and there i was like two days ago going "omg radahn mention!!!" when that one .. feyja? NPC says she fought alongside him at some point ............................................................

leonard isnt there in the DLC to my knowledge, you know it cant be truly radahn if his horse isnt there (the sole reason he learned gravitiy magic for and it stayed with him even after the rot!!! i know people have started to hate it bc people love that but i love that, it made him so endearing to me, like a character i already found cool omg has a confirmed softer spot??? in MY fromsoftware title??)

sorry for the long post of rambling, i am a mess, barely slept 3 hours, yes i am weird to care, autisms or whatever .. i need to go somewhere in an hour and havent prepared as all bc i needed my thoughts out of my head- might have forgotten stuff, idk if i will add it later or just kinda .. stew in it for a while

(and yes a big point why i feel so strongly is both bc its just gonna make more people hate him even more AND feels so invalidating of alot of other stuff- pulls other characters down with it- the entire time i was watching the streams i and trailers i thought i was like, its onw thing, with miquellas littel adventure and more background info on marika mostly on its own from the base game BUT NO I GUESS)

(read all this in the sense of an utteraly disoriented confused and drunken seagull yelling around pls i am not in serious mental distress ..)

[janetsboys]

Can you do a Carl x Rhee reader when the reader gives birth? ( And by chance can the baby be a boy☺️)

The moment

A/N: i really love this + i didn’t have ideas anymore so requests are very well appreciated, i hope you will like it <33 (that was hard to write i hope i portrayed it good😭🫶🏻)

warnings: emotional stuff, giving birth so blood mentioned etc, mentioning of grief (pretty much fluff)

summary: Rhee!reader is carl’s girlfriend and she’s giving birth at the hilltop. fem!reader is glenn and maggie’s adoptive daughter. this happens during season 7 i don’t know when exactly ;)

english is not my first language ;)

You knew you were due for this month and you prepared yourself, you talked a lot about this with your mom who’s also pregnant, ironic isn’t it?

These lasts months were really tough, you had lost your dad, you had a lot of pressure on your shoulders because you had to keep the baby safe with the saviors around you.

A whole war could start at any moment and you were in the middle of that, pregnant as hell with a really really worried boyfriend.

That was a huge problem too, Carl was with you the whole pregnancy, trying to reassure you but he was in fact the most anxious man in the world at that moment.

He got on runs with your dad to get baby products months before you gave birth, he found books about pregnancy risks, some were really worrying so you begged him to stop reading this because it would end badly.

But he still was the most supportive person, always here to help, your mom confessed to you that he had a long talk with her about the situation, that he was very scared.

Maggie was there to help Lori giving birth to Judith, that was really traumatizing for both of them but it made them closer so he wasn’t scared of talking about it with her. Plus she was also pregnant.

You had symptoms telling you that you were going to give birth soon enough. You got all your stuff to the hilltop, you made multiple visits with the doctor Carson, he told you you could start going into labor at any time. When he said that you felt Carl squeezing your hand without even noticing he did.

He looked so focused on what Carson said, you rubbed his hand with your thumb, knowing that this wasn’t going to be easy.

That day, you had really bad contractions so Rick, Michonne and Carl all left Alexandria to take you safely to the Hilltop.

“Y/N, are you okay?” you heard your mom coming out of nowhere when you entered the Hilltop.

“I’m fine” you responded, a hand on your stomach.

“We think she might start to go into labor.” Rick calmly said, holding Michonne’s hand.

Maggie gave you a comforting smile before taking you and Carl to the doctor Carson after telling Rick and Michonne that she got this and they could leave if they had things to do at Alexandria.

Michonne quickly kissed your cheek and Carl’s, Rick gave y’all a reassuring hugs and then they left, scared that Negan could come at Alexandria at any moment.

Everything was pretty slow and even if you were stressed, people around you were so relaxed and acting like this happened everyday that you calmed down.

“How are you miss Rhee?” the doctor asked, “In huge pain but okay.” you laughed, feeling like you got struck by lightning for the 50th time of the morning.

You were laying on the sort of hospital bed, Carl sitting next to you, you felt you were really close to the moment. Carl was very silent, he didn’t want to stress you even more.

Carson made many tests to confirm you would literally give birth today, your cervix was dilated.

You already knew you would have to do this naturally, they didn’t have the equipment for a c-section or an epidural. They also couldn’t give you pain management. You really have to man up for this.

It started hurting more and more, but you had to stay like this for 4 hours, you were sweating and everything, your mom was waiting alone outside, she wouldn’t leave for a second in case the doctor or you would need her.

“Hey, mags, how is it going in there?” Sasha asked, approaching your mom.

“Hi, i don’t really know, i hope she’s okay, i’ve only heard little pain screams so far…The doctor left the room 30 minutes ago he told me to not worry too much. And that she was in good health, and the baby was in a great position.”

“Ugh, you look tired. You should go rest a bit, that can last for a really long time.” “Yeah i know, it’s already been 4 hours and a half. I wanna wait here until i’m sure she’s alright.” Maggie said, resting her head on Sasha’s shoulder.

“You’re a really great mom, you know that?” Sasha said laughing. “Thank you, i’m trying my best!” Maggie answered, closing her eyes.

Sasha rubbed Maggie’s hand “God i wish Glenn was there, it’s so hard to do this without him.” she sighed, tearing up a bit. “I know, i know…” Sasha replied, also closing her eyes.

At the same moment, you still had huge contractions, Carl was caressing your forehead, “It’s gonna be okay.” he tried to comfort you but at that moment, the pain was so big you couldn’t even hear him.

“Ugh, i’m dead serious Carl, we’re never having sex again” you angrily said, looking at him. He had the audacity of laughing then kissed your forehead “We’ll see that later, for now you’re pushing a whole human being out of your vagina, Y/N, i think it’s a bit too late for regrets!”

The doctor came back in the room at that moment, he checked on you and encouraged you to start pushing right now. That’s when you got scared, the baby was going to arrive in maybe two hours, or eight hours you can’t know before it’s here.

After long minutes, you started to feel the baby starting to come out as you were moaning in pain, destroying Carl’s hand by squeezing it like a stressball, you had instructions to take deep breaths, you obviously cried all the tears of your body.

You had flashbacks of all those give birth training when you were laying on the floor, legs opened and breathing like an animal to prepare yourself for this moment. But you couldn’t imagine it would be so painful and uncomfortable.

Carson was looking down there to finally start seeing the baby start to show up. “Okay keep going, keep going Y/N.” he encouraged you as you screamed so loud you almost lost your voice.

You never had that amount of physical pain in your whole life, you cursed a lot of course, then after a really long day, you felt like you ran two hundred marathons and got stabbed fifty times in your vagina, but the baby finally came out entirely.

Carson immediately cut the cordon off, then the baby started crying, you let out a huge relieved sigh with lots of tears because this meant the baby was okay and breathing by it’s own.

He quickly washed off the blood on your baby then wrapped it around a little warm cover. He gently gave it to you, “And here’s your son.” you started sobbing as you felt his little body against your chest, you learnt at the same time that it was a baby boy.

As soon as you saw him you knew your dad sent that baby from heaven just for you, Carl put his hand on the baby’s back, you’ve never seen your boyfriend crying of happiness like this, he seemed so overwhelmed.

He looked at the doctor “It’s- it’s a boy?”, Carson nodded as Carl smiled at him, tears rolling down his eyes “Congratulations.” He left the room to let you in your intimacy.

For the first few minutes, you guys didn’t say a word, the room was completely silent. You felt your son’s heartbeat and caressed his hair (of course you had a hairy baby just like everyone predicted when you announced your pregnancy).

After that really sweet moment, you got a little bit up to pass the baby to his daddy of course.

They finally met, the baby that made Carl crazily stressed out for 9 whole months was in his arms.

He looked at his son with simply fascinated eyes, it felt unreal to him, that baby was an angel, he couldn’t realize it was his own son.

He started sobbing, letting out all his worries, the bad memories of his mother giving birth in terrible conditions, his mom that had to sacrifice herself for his little sister, that image was finally replaced by the love of his life giving birth in a beautiful way.

Carl couldn’t leave his eye of his son, he was mesmerized by this sleepy little human. He never imagined feeling like this, loving someone you don’t even know yet, someone you literally created feels so surreal.

He was so close to his son during the pregnancy, always touching your belly, talking to him, trying to hear his heartbeat, he needed this proximity with him and now that he’s there, he doesn’t know how to act. He wants to hug him forever and protect him against anything. Carl could die right now for this baby.

“You’re the cutest little man ever.” he sobbed letting these words out.

You were watching him in tears, you remember how scared you were of announcing your pregnancy to Carl, now you see how happy you made him, how much he loves you. You’re just starting a family with the person you love the most.

After everything y’all have been through, you finally get this peaceful moment, you can finally see Carl get the family he always dreamed of, you in your hospital bed watching your boyfriend holding your tiny son in his arms.

“He’s got your hair, Carl.” you bursted into laughing as Carl started to laugh and cry at the same time. “Oh shut up!” he couldn’t even see anything because of the amount of water in his eye.

“That’s it, he’s there!” Carson smiled to Maggie and Sasha, Maggie stood up with a worried face and teary eyes. “It’s a boy? She’s okay?” she frenetically asked as Sasha was rubbing her back. “She’s perfectly fine and their son is too.” he answered winking at your mother.

She let go tears before turning around, Sasha took her in her arms so gently.

You got a whole night and day of resting after this, you had a lot of pain and work so you were really weak after giving birth. You took a long time to stay with Carl and your son before you fell asleep against Carl’s caresses as he told you you don’t have to worry, he’ll take care of your son while you’re resting.

You woke up and took a shower even though it was hard to walk and you had to wear some sort of baby diapers because of the blood coming out after giving birth.

You came back to the room and sat back down into your bed “I wasn’t joking when i said we’re never having sex again, do you know how much that hurts?” you said looking at Carl feeding the baby. “I assure you we’re still having sex just- with a condom on. But, imagine if we would’ve been intelligent persons, we wouldn’t have the cutest baby ever.“

He said with a sassy tone. “And, maybe we should finally give him a name, now he’s opened his blue eyes, tomorrow he’s gonna start walking!” he said jokingly.

“The tradition likes the first boy born to be named after one of his grandpas.” you answered looking at your son, with kinda sad eyes.

“We’re certainly not naming him Rick. That baby looks like a Glenn to me.” when Carl said this smiling, you felt your heart shattering. You lost your dad not long ago and this was just the right thing to do to heal your heart.

“Do you like it?” Carl obviously noticed you crying, he lied down the baby on his bed to come hug you and wipe off your tears.

An hour later, Maggie came to visit y’all in your room. Carson had made a little sign with a tigre drawing where it was written “Glenn Grimes” with a little angel drawn next to his name.

Maggie ran to you and kissed your forehead “How are you guys?” she emotionally asked before walking to Carl to give him a huge hug. “We’re more than good.” He said rubbing her back to reassure her.

“Look at your grandson, mom.” she walked to his carriage and you saw the look on her face when she read his name.

It didn’t fail to make her start crying, “I’m so thankful to have you.” she struggled to say as she walked to you to hug you. “I love you so much.” she whispered. “I love you so much mom. You should take him in your arms.” you said kissing her cheek.

As she was holding her grandson for the first time, Rick and Michonne entered the room. You saw Michonne’s mouth wide opened when she saw the baby in Maggie’s arms, they both stopped walking out of shock.

You heard a “Dear god” from Michonne and saw a smile on Rick’s face.

They both came to you to give you a kiss and congratulations. Rick ran to Carl to hug him and congratulate him too, Maggie looked at Rick smiling and passed him your son “And here’s Glenn Grimes in his grandpa’s arms” when Maggie said this, Rick’s face lightened, tears formed in his eyes, he looked at the newborn with pure love.

Michonne was looking at them, holding Carl, rubbing his back, trying to contain her own tears.

Rick turned to her “Come hold your grandson.”

Carl winked to her and she walked to Rick, “Hello little Glenn junior.” that’s when she lost it and started crying. You knew this would end up with everyone crying but you were so happy.

Carl came to sit with you as all the very young grandparents were fascinated by Glenn jr.

“You gave birth to an angel, Y/N” he said, holding you tightly against him, stroking your hair and kissing your temple. You closed your eyes, against his chest. You sent all your love to your dad. You truly believe this is all thanks to him.

You’re devastated that he will never meet his grandson, you know he would’ve loved him so much. He was the first one you told about your pregnancy and he was the happiest for you.

“Dad would’ve loved that angel.” you say with a little voice. “I’m glad your dad is his guardian angel. He’s watching him very closely Y/N.” Carl’s voice went straight to your heart. You know your dad will always be there for your son.

“I’m sure your mom is also going to watch over him.” you respond. Carl kissed you softly, thinking about how his mom would’ve been so proud of him.

“I can’t wait for people at Alexandria to meet him.” you told your boyfriend. “I can’t wait to see Judith. She’s gonna be so excited.” he says giggling about this thought.

————————————————————————————

thank you so much for the request, this was hard to write i hope i did a good job🫶🏻

don’t be shy guys send me requests i love seeing your ideas and i’m really opened about pretty much everything!

[appleflavoredkitkats]

do you have any headcanons on what russell went through during his time with the utopians?

HELLO ISSY!! im in the middle of plotting my version of ivywood so i have SOME things... but not everything is fully fleshed out! here r some of them (under the cut!)

since it's sort of implied that russell's been raised there since birth/childhood, i feel like his parents only joined because they were struggling financially, which the utopians would have aided

i do think russell would have HATED the strict regulations at a young age. like obviously, he would still grow to adapt to some things (ie. desperate need to prove himself worthy, because the utopians would have deprived that of their followers) but to me, russell is just too much of a curious child. he wouldn't have kept his curiosities at bay, especially since he loved learning about more mind-boggling things like cryptic codes, linguistics, the human brain, etc. at a young age

i think this guy! would have been a very lonely child! esp since he's austistic and trans! since he's afab, i feel like his autism diagnosis would have come in late (like maybe 10 years old?) and that's the same time he would have realized he was trans. so he basically became a disappointment amongst the utopians. like parents would tell their kids that russell would be the child NOT to imitate u get me

but i feel like as much as i think russell would come out of this with insecurities, i think his pride is one of the reasons that got him out of there in the first place? and i mean, call him egotistical all you want, but the last thing russell would want to do is doubt his capabilities because that's EXACTLY what the utopians would have wanted.

in my version of ivywood, i made "once upon a crime" happen AFTER "wild wild death" because i hc that trevor neuman was responsible for russell's interest in psychology. but don't get it twisted, he doesn't rlly like the kid- rather, the higher-ups in utopia saw potential in his intelligence and wanted to profit off of that. to me, russell might have possibly made the foundations for their brainwashing mechanism, but russell himself doesn't realize that it actually works

i do think russell was genuinely close to his parents, although they don't get along all the time because the two are depressed servants of the cult. i do think russell would have had a closer bond to his mother though. i'd like to think she actually helped russell escape at 16. the only reason she didn't go with him was because she wanted to convince jupiter to go with her, but he adamantly refused out of fear.

the higher-ups definitely knew that caroline (russell's mom) assisted his escape and so they would have murdered her and framed it as an accident. when this happened, they utilized jupiter's grief to make him stay in utopia even longer.

after hearing news about his mom's death, russell would have sneakily watched the funeral from afar. that's when he received the note that says he has nowhere to hide.

i need to flesh this out even more, but i definitely think russell reached out to the pbpd after he escaped. i think it would be funny if andrea assigned frank to look after him, at least up until russell finds a secure job to move out lol. there is a reason these two are at each other's throats all the time !

to return to the utopians though, i genuinely think that the fact russell was raised in a cult fucked up his sense of identity and vulnerability, in a sense that. this mfker HATES showing his true self to anyone in fear of it being used against him. his flirty, manipulative mask is definitely just. a mask. because it's a survival skill he developed after escaping !

moreover i do think he gets impostor syndrome sometimes because as much as he's a genuinely prideful person, sometimes he thinks he feels the need to grab everyone's attention because he was so deprived of it when he was young. so sometimes he does have to grapple with that, because he HATES thinking that a part of him is still disgustingly utopian

[fairycosmos]

I'm sorry to do this bc I know you get so many ppl venting and you have your own shit to deal with and yet ppl on here constantly implicitly ask you to console them which is incredibly emotionally labour intensive. However all that being said. I found out my cat who is 9 but is very young looking and active and shows no sign of pain or suffering has large cell lymphoma (general prognosis 6-9 months) and I'm literally broken. She's my best friend. I've been through years where I've had no friends but I've always had her and she's everything to me and I've known a lot of cats who live to late teens so I had expected that for her and this has come out of nowhere and is just so soul destroying because she is my whole world and I love her so so much. she's literally saved my life (have been at the point of kms so many times but didn't for her) and now she probably wont be here next year and I don't know how to keep existing without her and I didn't know who else to tell. I really appreciate your kind and honest presence on this site it's very cleansing and healing and ik this is a parasocial thing to say/feel but you are like a friend to so many. so thanks. even just having a space to say this stuff is invaluable. You have helped and comforted and offered love and insight to so many people despite your own suffering. Much love to you, I hope the universe treats you with lots of kindness going forward.

i am so so sorry to hear this - sometimes i honestly can't believe how cruel life can be. i wish there was something tangible i could say that would make a change to what you're feeling but my experience with grief (all types of grief esp preemptive grief like what you're dealing with) has proven to me that words often ring hollow when you're going through it. i do want to offer some understanding and some comfort despite that, i just know it may be hard for you to register right now and that's alright. losing a pet is so so deeply painful and it's completely normal to be devastated and taken aback by this news - anyone would be. at the same time it sounds like your cat is deeply lucky to have you and to be loved so completely by someone. while what you're both going through is horrific, i am so glad she has you to take care of her and that she ended up having a wonderful life with you - the gift you have given her and continue to give her every day just by being her owner is huge and i hope you continue to remind yourself that as you confront there next few months. she is warm and fed and taken care of and she has the best chance of living longer with her condition bc of the care and love you continue to show her. i know this is much much easier said than done but please try to take it one day at a time and make every moment count with her - it's easy to get lost in the idea of losing her but she is still here and you still have time together, albeit not as much time as you both deserve. i can't stand how much of a gamble of luck everything seems to be and how horrible things happen to ppl and animals who truly deserve so much more - that anger, despair and incredulity still hits me day after day and i feel it very hard on your behalf rn. you have every right in the world to process that sense of feeling like your soul has been destroyed on whatever timeline works for you. as long as you continue to move forward, hour to hour or minute to minute despite it all.

are you able to talk to any friends/family about this? i only ask bc pet loss is one of the hardest things in the world to go through and i think having some sort of super system could make the days feel a little more manageable. if not, please feel free to message me and share updates, stories, vents etc about your cat and how you're doing - i lost my childhood dog a few yrs back and i do understand. it's such a heavy feeling to carry around with you all the time. i would also recommend joining a pet loss support group as another option too, bc so so many people sadly completely get what youre going through. i hope your little girl is doing OK today and that you are taking care of yourself as much as you feel able to as you process this news. if you need to break down, go to sleep, scream, punch pillows, be numb - that's alright. there's no wrong way to react to this. i just hope you give yourself some grace as you do. sending so so much love to you both - and thank you so much for the insanely kind words by the way. you didn't have to say that and it really made my night better that you did. so sorry you're in this position. X

[heardchef]

Okay, so, can I offer a perspective as a viewer with no shipping expectations/affiliations whatsoever? 

What I respect a huge amount about the writers and Storer is that they seem genuinely determined to make sure that the woman characters in the show are whole people, with stories and lives that exist outside of their connection to the main character (Carmy). I do think that’s admirable. And I also get the sense — especially having seen the reaction to the romantic storylines being what it has been — that the resolution on their part to come out and say, ‘No, it’s never happening between them’, might have something to do with *all that*, tangentially. Which is to say, would Sydney as a character suffer to be considered as a whole apart from her relationship with Carmen if that’s where they went with it? Or would she be reduced to just that; just her relationship *to* him? Because, internet fandom do be weird like that sometimes.

But, I do also think that people are underestimating what the *intention* of Carmen with Claire — and Syd with her Dad, Marcus with his Mom, The Berzattos with The Berzattos, Richie with his ex/daughter, Tina with School, etc — was, this season. Storer said that it was always meant to be a season where we meet who these characters are outside of who they are to each other, and the restaurant. And so because we get to leave the restaurant, when we’re back there, it feels like more. It feels like being trapped in a pressure cooker (or, a walk-in, if you will). Because everyone is all in, and the risk has to work, or they’re all screwed. And it all means more to us, the audience, as well, because we know exactly what there is to loose. 

Part of the point with Claire specifically, to my mind, was always to properly bring Carmen home. He’d been holed up in The Beef since he got back, pointedly avoiding his life outside of those four walls. And so, when he’s forced back into it, he’s forced to accept that he *is* home — that people know him, that there’s nowhere for him to hide. He’s forced to accept who he is to other people, and to understand who he is, without Michael. He’s not just Chef, he’s Brother/Friend/Son/Uncle/Man. And so in facing that — that, despite himself, he does exist outside of a kitchen — it was always going to be that he went with safe if he went anywhere. Girl he’s been in love with since he was in school who knows his family and all his shit and who he doesn’t have to get to know because he already knows her, and who already knows him? That’s safe. Living up to an idea of himself that people already had? That's baby steps.

(And beyond just that, beyond trying for safe, is it really so unrealistic that Carmy would be bad at balancing life and work? He’s literally never done it before, by any measure.)

But another thing I think the final episode makes clear, is that Carmy had, at least subconsciously, been avoiding taking on the full responsibly of the risk he — the great hope, Food and Wine's Best New Chef — has lead everyone into taking. He lets Nat handle it, and he lets Syd handle it, he lets Jimmy handle it, and he even lets Fak and Richie handle it. But he was always terrified of handling it. And to be honest, he never really does — he doesn’t cram or keep his skills warm or go on a tasting adventure all over Chicago. He regresses into habits he had from before, that contributed to making him the wreck that he is, and he actively avoids having to confront the reality of work by escaping into not-work.

And so that’s where we’re left — with everyone a mess, in a mess. Season Three: Season One, Electric Boogaloo. 

i talked about this a little bit before [here].

i think that part of the reason why people want to a see a romance between syd and carmy is because of how well-developed, interesting, and nuanced the women in this show are. i think people want to see romance tackled as beautifully and intricately as this show has tackled grief, addiction, and mental health.

i agree with your points about claire. yeah, this season was about expanding horizons and experiencing life outside of the kitchen. i understand what her purpose was for carmy, being the guiding hand to show him that yes, there is more than these four walls you trap yourself in. you are more than your work. i just think the execution was a little lackluster.

people calling her carmy's pete isn't the compliment they think it is. we don't see pete much but when we do see him he doesn't exist just to act as nat's lighting rod for all of her negative emotions. is he that sometimes? yeah, for sure! his relationship with nat is a big part of his character but he gets to exist out of that and i don't think claire was afforded that same dimensionality.

at the end of the day i truly do not give a flying fuck what this show does with romance, who ends up with who, or any of that. that's not what got me into the show and it's not what'll keep me invested. i just want to watch a show about a motley crew of chefs and how they evolve and change.

i appreciate you offering your perspective! sidenote: i found it sweet how carmy picks-up drawing again after reconnecting with claire. he's still drawing his ideas but instead of pants it's food. he may not be able to handle the responibilities he's faced with or balance his two lives but he knows how to handle some prismacolors lmao.

but, yeah. shitshow for season 3, shitshow for season 3, shitshow for season—

[theghostofashton]

grief week

thank you @lonestar-s5countdown @bonheur-cafe @corsage @reyesstrand for the tags!!

1. Which character death in 911 Lone Star hit you the hardest?

gabriel's, for sure. i was in denial that they would actually kill him all the way up until they did it. i don't think it's fully sunk in yet. it probably won't until s5 starts and they reference it and i'll have to face it head on lol. ik it was the very point of the storyline but thinking about everything carlos lost in losing his dad, the potential of their relationship.... it was a lot, especially within the context of the end of s4. really excited to see what they do with this in s5!

also, as many have said, the astronaut call from 1x10 hit me really hard. every time i rewatch, i know it's coming, but it still ruins me.

2. What is your favorite grief-related moment in the show?

i think the carlos owen conversation in 4x18 is probably my favorite. what owen says about not letting obsession ruin his life, him giving carlos knowledge he probably wished someone would have given him when he was grieving his brother, his old crew, etc is just...it's really beautifully done, especially as we've watched owen grapple with the consequences of the way he handled his grief

i also love the 126 getting together to pay tribute to tim at the end of 2x07, and tommy asking tk if he'd be interested in going to the grief group with her. the scene where she asks him is so sweet and i love how much care these characters have for each other, her knowing how that group's helped her and wanting to share that with tk.

3. Do you think there will be a character death in season 5? If so, any guesses about who it might be?

i really really hope not lol the only one i can think of enzo, that's why he's showing up to texas out of nowhere

4. Which living character's death would destroy you the most?

any of them tbh. they're all so close, such a tight-knit family, that losing any of them would mean not only grieving that character but also watching the rest of them be destroyed over it and that would be so awful

5. Which character's childhood trauma do you think was most significant in shaping them?

feels like a cop out to say this but truly all of them? i don't like comparing trauma because things that are "objectively" the worst may affect someone less than someone else being more affected by something that may not have been objectively bad.

but things like owen having such a hero complex because of all the people he wasn't able to save (his brother, his old crew, etc), marjan being such a fierce and loyal friend and placing so much value in that due to losing a dear friend at a young age, judd losing a friend as well and sort of losing himself in the way the aftermath played out, tk dealing with the fallout of his parents' divorce, the way 9/11 changed everything for their family, paul being so atuned to the details of a situation so he could watch out for anything that could harm him, developing that sense of threat assessment, as he figured out his identity, mateo being forever changed by losing a cousin he was so close with, nancy dealing with how to move forward after losing tim in such a horrifying, tragic way, carlos signing himself up for a life he didn't want and struggled to be okay with because he was so affected by the way his parents reacted to him coming out.... it's hard to truly say because i think they've all been so impacted by what they been through, it's impossible to separate that from who they are

leaving an open tag bc i'm very late to this!

[ananke-xiii]

nostalgic pb&j and uneaten cheeseburger

food motifs abounds in s9, a season where angels were unsubtly compared to apex predators (in all the meanings of the word, angels are "monsters with good pr") and where cain (apex predator extraordinaire, father of murder AND farming) is a beekeeper.

angels on earth are sadly feeding off human souls and hunting down the perfect matches that can contain them. a good chunk of them are downright parasites and they all remind me of a virus: a hunter creature that needs a host to live. if the heavenly host has its gates shut down the angels are definitely not above using different methods of energy siphoning.

castiel and sam are two good examples of strong vessels and in no time angels seek them out, con them and try to sneak into their meatsuits. it doesn't work for cas but in sam's case they were successful. (i'm not gonna enter the gadreel arena right now but i just want to note that no angel looked for the michael's sword: interesting, though, that he ends up with the first blade, an object hidden in the depths of the ocean ((this thing with dean and oceans/submarines/things locked and thrown into deep-sea spaces is quite beautiful. i mean very. very sad but beautiful nonetheless considering that water is the number one maternal symbol)).

while sam is the unfortunate guinea pig/food metaphor in this scenario, castiel, who escaped possession, learns the joy of eating. he eats a lot of stuff, even toothpaste. he loves burritos. but what he loves the most are pb&j.

pb&j was the food april (i'm also not gonna go there now for my own mental health) offered him in his hour of need, when his newly found basic needs weren't met and when he felt the most lonely and vulnerable. pb&j is thus also associated with the exploration of sex (good idea, awful. awful execution) since this is what he does with april. and since april is a reaper who kills him, food, sex and death get all tangled up in one thing, 3 letters: p b and j, the human trifecta.

so when cas eats something else (the grace of one of his own) and becomes an angel again he's cut off from human experiences (except fear, anger, hurt, grief, getting manipulated and lied to cause apparently those are universal things and the human experience is reduced to the sensual and the physical realms, the sole things that can bring some joy while happiness seem nowhere to be found in all species. but that's for another day).

becoming a born-again angel (and the prey that eats its predator) makes castiel nostalgic of his time as a human. a pb&j sandwich just doesn't taste the same now. which seems a paradox since his time as human was nothing but pain but i digress (i'm not 100% sure castiel has ever come close to the rationalization of the tons of abuse he had to suffer). because cas has learnt something as a "human" and that's what counts. he's not the same as he was before. he has changed.

cheeseburgers, on the other hand, are dean's favorite. they mean what they mean to every human: many things. The joy of eating and sharing convivial moments, a refuge from the pain, a coping mechanism, a way to keep the body alive in the ways one can afford etc. as i said, many, many things.

they're also the food dean refuses to eat in "my bloody valentine", an episode about the emptiness, the void and the darkness one can feel inside. the same episode where an unusual castiel scarfs down hundreds of cheeseburgers.

in other words, when dean refuses a cheeseburger... when he leaves one uneaten... things are not good. even crowley knows this and seeing dean leaving the food untouched marks his moment of glory.

an uneaten cheeseburger means dean's too detached from human experiences, too close to jump to the other side. and, unfortunately, this ia exactly what happens: if castiel was seduced and killed by april, dean is seduced by crowley and eventually got killed as a result.

the way to becoming a demon makes dean leave his uneaten cheeseburger, his human life in a little nutshell. he's also not the same as before. he has changed.

there's like. a lot. to say about the food motifs in s9. i find it very interesting and helps me enjoy the season and engage with it in a critical way that doesn't depress me every minute of every episode.

[aotr]

I didn't upload screenshots because I think this one question to one answer looks more convenient. If you guys want me to upload screenshots to prove authenticity, I will.

1. What kind of people will they crush on?

1. Fureddo gets a crush on girls with high status. Rich girls, famous girls, models, etc. Dafuni is similar; she is attracted to guys with high status. Beruma just wants to meet a guy who has similar interests to herself. Rojasu is attracted to any girl that is pretty; he doesn't have a "type", he loves all pretty girls. Sukubi has never gotten a crush on someone, and doesn't know what his "type" is.

2. What do Rojasu and Beruma (who I think are the two extremes of the photography club. The best and the worst learners, the tallest and the shortest, etc.) think about each other?

2. Rojasu thinks that Beruma seems like a "Fujoshi," but he still appreciates her as a friend. Beruma thinks that Rojasu will go nowhere with his life and become a "Freeter," but she still appreciates him as a friend.

3. How would Fureddo react if a member died because of the investigation (atmosphere is below 80%)?

3. Shock, intense sadness and grief, anger at the murderer, guilt for getting his friend involved in the investigation.

4. Assume they are faced with a dilemma: only one of themselves and a stranger can survive. Who of them will choose to save themselves? (Just themselves and a stranger, two people, no other members. Sorry my English description might be wrong ......)

4. In a situation where they have to choose between their own life and a stranger's life, they would choose to save the stranger. All 5 of them.

5. How would they react if they found a bug under their desk?

5. Fureddo would flick it away. Dafuni would scream. Beruma would attempt to identify the species of the bug. Rojasu would think it was creepy, but would ignore it. Sukubi would try to catch it and make friends with it and keep it as a pet.